De Film Van Dylan Haegens (2018) Movie Script
1
Right. Scene 8 for
10 Ways of Cleaning Up Your Room.
-Is everyone ready?
-Yes.
Camera running?
Here we go.
And action.
Guys, hold on. I think this is the...
This is Dylan. He's a YouTuber.
You probably knew this,
but maybe your parents don't.
Dylan makes funny YouTube videos.
He calls them comedy sketches.
And now for your homework. Pages...
Dylan, get out.
Okay, that's it.
There you go.
You know what to do with this, right?
That's a good one.
Running a successful YouTube
channel requires a rock-solid team.
And action.
No, no, no.
Nice. This was good.
Come on, don't exaggerate.
It's only a bulldozer.
Now it's time for the scene
with the flamethrower.
This is Marit, Dylan's
help and mainstay.
She not only plans and produces all the
videos, she's also the love of his life.
There you go. Rope, torch.
This is Teun,
the smallest team member.
Very good at farting
and operating the camera.
But most of all, he's very small.
Right, scene 10, flamethrower,
and action.
And this is Rick.
Don't I get a cool introduction?
Rick is really good at drawing.
Was that all? Oh, come on.
But Dylan does other things as well.
Besides recording lots of videos
he does all kinds of other stuff.
-In short, he's a busy man.
-I'm really busy.
That's what I said.
It's all a matter of making a schedule.
Look, I've made you one.
-What does that toilet symbol stand for?
-That's when you go to the toilet.
-Twice a day, for one minute?
-That should be enough, right?
Why do I suddenly get 30 minutes here
to go to the toilet?
-On Thursday we eat Chinese food.
-Right. Of course.
What are all these cameras for?
Dylan, we're making a film.
You knew that, right?
As if Dylan isn't busy enough
his first film is being shot as well.
-And who am I hearing all the time?
-The voice-over.
He's really old. A bit your age, right?
Dylan is a real joker, but Marit
doesn't always appreciate his jokes.
And so she slaps him on the head.
Dylan will have to get used to this.
He waves friendly to the voice-over.
And he says he's sorry.
I'm sorry.
-Louder.
-I'm sorry.
The film can start for real now.
As if a regular week isn't busy enough
for Dylan and his team,
with thinking up, filming
and editing all those videos,
he has also started a sandwich shop.
For people who don't have a lot of time,
but still want to eat well.
The whole team works here.
Dylan and Marit serve the tables.
Ladies, here you go,
a croque monsieur deluxe.
Teun and Rick are behind the counter.
-Rick, taste this.
-Why? Is this a new recipe?
-What is on it?
-Taste first.
This is tasty, very tasty.
What did you put on it?
-Nothing special.
-It tastes better than usual.
I just dropped it on the floor and
wanted to know if we can still serve it.
Well, it tastes good.
Oh, no.
And here we have IJsbrand.
He's also a YouTuber.
He started around the same time as Dylan
and has the same amount of subscribers.
Team Dylan Haegens
isn't happy with IJsbrand.
Because when Dylan makes a top 10
of excuses for being too late...
I'm too late, because I've accidentally
glued myself to my bike.
Dylan will make a top 8 of excuses
for not being on time.
I couldn't be on time because I
accidentally glued myself to my tractor.
IJsbrand has also started
a sandwich shop, across the street.
And just like Dylan,
he has his own team.
That looks exactly
like Team Dylan Haegens.
And so IJsbrand comes up with the same
ideas as Dylan, but just a bit later.
I came up with the idea for a visible
voice-over last week as well.
Hi, Rick.
I want a special sandwich with egg.
-Coming up.
-But...
But without egg, because I'm allergic.
Without cheese, it doesn't look fresh.
-And no ham, because I'm vegetarian.
-So, you just want bread?
Yes, with a sausage.
-But you just said you were vegetarian.
-I'm rather an irritarian.
It means I only refrain from eating meat
if people find it irritating.
I have bad news for you.
You might want to sit down.
IJsbrand, listen.
We don't have any sausages.
Oh. That's okay, because we do.
A panini with sausage.
Would you like a bite?
Nice, isn't it?
Would you like to know
the secret ingredient?
-Petrol on the bread.
-Petrol?
It's spicy, surprising and
something you have never tasted before.
Remember, it's a secret.
-IJsbrand.
-Dylan.
Can I help you? Like thinking up
an idea that you can steal?
I just came here
for a sausage sandwich.
-We don't have that.
-So I've heard.
But we do. A panini with sausage.
If anyone here would like a sausage
they can get it across the street.
-Anything else we can do for you?
-Yes, a glass of tap water and...
There are so many cameras here.
-Dylan. Are you making a feature film?
-Well...
How nice, me too. Isn't that great?
People can watch your film, a couple
of months after they've seen mine.
I really hate that guy.
I don't know, Dylan. He seems nice.
I always give people the benefit
of the doubt, but not IJsbrand.
Shall I make you a nice sandwich? We
have some new ones you have to taste.
Sure, show me what you got.
What I don't get, is that IJsbrand makes
at least as many videos as we do.
But everyone on his team always
looks so relaxed.
As if they never have anything to do.
Do you ever see them with a camera?
-No, I don't.
-Right?
Don't panic, everyone.
It's just smoke, nothing more.
Don't panic, it's just a burst of flame,
nothing more.
Don't panic, it's just
a kitchen on fire, nothing more.
-What ingredients did you use?
-Just some cheese, tomatoes and petrol.
Petrol?
Look at how nice that looks,
once it all fits in.
-We need to get out of here.
-Where is the exit?
Oh no, no, no, Teun.
What do I do?
That sandwich looks really nice.
But Teun is my best friend.
This is so difficult.
-Dylan.
-Marit, get over here.
Where are Rick and Teun?
Where is Teun?
-How can you still look so clean?
-Flames go up. Just stay low.
-Right.
-And thanks.
Listen up, everyone. You get
your second sandwich for free today.
Fortunately, there's one positive thing.
-What is it?
-This sandwich tastes great.
Yes, life can be cruel.
But my vlog about your fire
is already trending.
-He's right. It can't be.
-That's impossible.
Didn't I tell you? I told you, right?
Hey, guys. Who wants a panini?
I got the fourth one for free.
I told you that IJsbrand is alright.
He even put extra sauce on it.
Yes, barbecue sauce.
Don't you like that?
Hold on. Did you just say that IJsbrand
gave you those sandwiches himself?
-I did.
-That's impossible. Look at this.
He has just uploaded this video:
eight ways to prevent a fire.
He recorded it at home.
Something's not right. We need
to find out what it is. Come on, Teun.
-Hey, guys. What about the sandwiches?
-You can eat them.
Don't worry, I'll clean up
everything here. All by myself.
Great. Thanks, Marit.
Right.
-Hey, are you helping after all?
-Forgot my car keys.
-No problem. We can go in my car.
-Right, your car. That's just great.
-Is this his place?
-I think so.
-Can you see anything?
-That window's up too high.
-Hold on, I'll lift you up.
-Good idea.
-I still can't see anything.
-Go stand on my shoulders.
Here I go.
-No, I'm just below it.
-Go stand on my head then.
Yes, I can see him.
-What is he doing?
-He's on a tropical island.
That guy is really rich.
He has a tropical island in his house.
Eh, right.
-What is he doing on his island?
-He's on his mobile phone.
I had that too once.
Completely broke the screen.
Hold on. What? No way.
Look at this.
He just uploaded this today.
Hello, everyone.
How nice that you're watching.
No 8 Ways today,
but something else
that you're just going to love.
Drum roll.
I'm going to make a feature film.
Yes, for real.
We've been working on it for a while
now. You can see it in a few months.
-He can't do that.
-Right. He's stealing our idea again.
Hold on.
-What are you doing?
-Give me your belt.
-My belt?
-Yes, I saw this on a YouTube video.
Hold on.
Good afternoon, madam.
We're from the anti-burglary agency.
We're checking if this home
is easy to break into.
-Should I be worried?
-Not at all. No way we're getting in.
Yes, I did it.
Ouch. We'll make a note of this.
Hello, madam.
Dutch people...
Come on, Samson.
Dylan, what is it we have to do?
We need to find out
what IJsbrand is up to.
If we get caught, we'll have
to make our videos from prison.
Don't worry.
What's this?
It's a letter.
In the past, letters were
used as a means of communication.
If people wanted contact, they'd write.
No, I mean: What is this? Double You.
Dude, it would be a real coincidence
if you'd find the letter...
that tells us what IJsbrand's secret is.
Yes, that's something that
never happens in films. Come on.
-What is this?
-That guy is insane.
Look here. Another letter.
And again from Double You.
Another coincidence?
It's an invoice
from a certain Mr Opstelten.
A subscription with
an extra burning objects package?
A normal subscription,
for his phone or something.
-With extra burning objects?
-That Galaxy S7 blows up all the time.
We need to get out of here.
Is he gone? Teun?
-Is he gone?
-Come on.
We have a problem.
How do we get out of here unnoticed?
Time for lunch, guys.
-Wait a minute. You're real?
-Did you think we were robots?
-Don't be silly.
-You just stand still all day?
Only from 9 to 5,
and we lunch for one hour.
-How can you stand still for so long?
-We've all worked for TV.
We're used to standing still.
Let's go, guys.
Dylan Haegens.
-Is this his office?
-Yeah, I think so.
Hello?
Hello.
What can I do for you?
We're looking for Mr Opstelten.
Mr Opstelten.
Do you have an appointment?
Eh, no.
In that case, he won't see you.
Mr Opstelten only sees people
who have an appointment.
-And how do we make an appointment?
-You ask me.
-Great, can we make an appointment?
-My lunch break starts in...
Let's see.
-If we can...
-In 15 seconds.
-Can we make one fast then?
-Ten, nine...
-Very fast, please?
-What a coincidence.
Mr Opstelten's agenda is full for the
week, except for this next half hour.
-Great.
-Three, two, one...
Sorry, my lunch break has started.
Please, come back in an hour.
Are you serious?
Yes, I am. I'd love to help you but my
contract says I have to lunch now.
-Come on, this is ridiculous.
-I'm calling security.
Diederik-Jan, could you please come?
-Diederik-Jan?
-Hello, I'm Diederik-Jan.
-I'm going to play golf with my friends.
-Who is called Diederik-Jan?
We're leaving.
Could you please open the door?
I'm too young to die.
Right.
What can I do for you, gentlemen?
We were wondering if we could get
the same subscription as IJsbrand.
IJsbrand told us that you have
the best subscription.
Yes.
IJsbrand told me about that.
But that's great.
Would you like to see
the new model first?
-I love models.
-Follow me then.
I'm sorry.
Look, this is the latest model.
Would you like to take a look inside?
Go ahead and try it out.
See you later.
Wow.
Who?
I think we have to say who we are.
It looks like it has ripped
a picture of mine.
Lines. Alright.
Hello, folks.
What?
This has to be a prank.
Yes, that's right.
This is all a big, fat prank.
You see? But it's a good prank.
-Dude, didn't you just see me type that?
-Right, and this is pre-recorded?
-No, it isn't. Do something spontaneous.
-Something spontaneous?
-Yes, something I wouldn't expect.
-Okay.
What are you doing?
Big, fat ladies
with carrots in their hands, 23.
Big, fat ladies
with carrots in their hands, 23.
-This is really special.
-Indeed. How do you know my password?
Look, our entire team is there.
Teun...
Hi, I'm Teun,
and I'm not as small as I look.
Roel van Velzen and Wesley Sneijder
are just a few heads taller than I am.
Very funny, Dylan.
You can do other stuff as well.
ACTION: PICK NOSE
Nice. Hold on.
That's really good.
This is awesome.
Let's see, ten ways of proposing
to your girlfriend.
Yes, nice. Or: 10 ways of saying that
your girlfriend's hair looks so nice
that she'll stay by your side forever.
Yes, that's nice.
Hi there, Marit.
IJsbrand.
Look what you've made of the place.
It's all back to how it was.
Except for the customers.
Are you here all by yourself? Wouldn't
you prefer to eat a panini with me?
There's a nice place across the street.
You know, there's something
I would like even better.
And what would that be, dear Marit?
-I would like you to buzz off.
-Or else?
Or else I'll call Rick.
I believe Rick is a bit busy right now.
-Again?
-Yes, they're irresistible.
-Just like you, Marit.
-Don't touch me.
I know when I'm too much, dear Marit.
-You know full well I have a boyfriend.
-Yes. Dylan, right?
Peys? Or was it Knol? Where is
your beloved boyfriend right now?
He's doing really important
and smart things.
Important and smart things. Right...
What's this here?
Are you getting married?
How very nice.
Right, I'll be off then.
Say hi to Bylan.
Or was it Bilal?
Willem? Ernst-Jan.
-Bye, IJsbrand.
-Cheerio.
Oh, man. This is awesome.
It looks so real.
This way you don't have
to record videos.
You can also change the background.
That's the theatre square.
What if we put a big stage up there?
An audience. Marit and Rick.
And now this...
Hi, I'm Marit
and I'm going to sing for you.
This is so sick.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
Look at Marit.
Let's add this.
-Right, that's enough.
-It isn't real.
Come on, this is getting embarrassing.
But it's really interesting
from a journalistic point of view.
-Dude, cut it out. This is too much.
-Let me add one more thing. Almost done.
-Seriously...
-Wait, I'm almost done.
-Hold on.
-Just stop.
-Take it easy.
-Let go.
It seems you've already got
the hang of it.
Follow me to my office.
Do you think he saw that?
Nobody gets to see that, ever.
-Seriously, nobody must find out.
-I promise.
-Dude, that's gross.
-You asked me to promise.
How did you like the demonstration,
my friends?
-We liked it quite a bit.
-I've already set up a contract.
You're getting a big discount.
Go on and sign.
At the bottom of the last page,
where the dotted line is. There you go.
Over there, at the dotted line.
-We'll have to discuss it first at home.
-Discuss it?
Why would you want to do that?
It doesn't get any better than this.
And many people use it. People like
Gordon, Mark Rutte, Peter R. de Vries.
You may think they're really busy, but
they're just lying on a beach somewhere.
So, go ahead and sign.
At the dotted line. Go on, sign.
We have to think about it.
I'll come back next week.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
-That won't be possible.
-Why not?
You know that people like Gordon,
Mark Rutte, Peter R. de Vries use it.
-I'm sorry.
-But you told us yourself.
That's easy to say in hindsight.
You're not leaving
until that contract is signed.
There, at the dotted line.
What's that?
Look, I have another contract.
And this one says:
a trial period of just one month.
No strings attached.
But you must keep it secret.
Here you go.
Go ahead and sign at the dotted line.
-So there are really no strings attached?
-You're as free as a bird.
Go on and sign on my back.
Thank you very much.
There we go.
I'll see you next month.
Your time starts... now.
Go on, get to work.
And make some nice things.
-Bye.
-Goodbye.
-That dude is crazy.
-Yes, but it does work.
-It'll be cool to play around with.
-Are you sure?
-What if your fans find out?
-They won't. We won't put it online.
It won't hurt
to try out a couple of things.
-What do we say to Marit and Rick?
-Nothing for now.
We're testing it for a month.
If it works, we'll tell them about it.
Alrighty then.
-Hold on. Wait a minute.
-What is it?
-I know.
-What?
-I know. I know what the secret is.
-What secret?
-This software.
-This software what?
-This software is used by IJsbrand.
-Are you serious?
This is obvious to everyone.
How do you mean?
Everyone who is watching this film
understands
that IJsbrand uses this software.
That's right. Everyone watching
this film understands this.
Too bad, Teun.
That's what I said.
What do we do now?
This is what we're doing.
That's a really mean guy.
Let's go get him.
He's getting away in a car.
Take that one.
Yes, get in.
Dude... Seriously?
Whoa, a speedboat. Come on.
There he is.
Dylan...
-Whoa, this is really well done.
-It looks awesome.
-Too bad I couldn't be a part of it.
-Did you come up with this yourself?
Yes, all by ourselves.
How did you organise all of this?
We can't afford any of that.
-We just borrowed some stuff.
-That sports car belongs to my uncle.
-And that speedboat?
-That speedboat too.
-And what about that red bike?
-We bought it.
But that's really expensive, right?
-So, you think it's cool?
-Yes, really cool.
Despite that really expensive bike.
It's the best video ever,
even if I'm not in it.
You're really good, Teun.
You look a bit taller in this video.
-I do?
-This is going viral for sure.
-You need to put it online right away.
-You think?
-I don't think we should.
-Seriously?
You put so much energy in a video and
don't put it online? I'll do it for you.
I agree,
we really invested a lot of time.
We'll put it online today, and then
we're done for the week, right?
-We are?
-Hold on.
You guys are right.
We don't have to do any other shooting.
That means no work until Monday.
Some time off.
Hello, folks. Today Teun and I are going
to try and break a world record.
We're going around the world
as fast as we can, in a hot air balloon.
YouTubers Dylan and Teun travel
around the world in just five days.
SUBSCRIBERS
Today, Teun and I are racing
each other to Russia.
I'm flying an awesome F16 and Teun
is taking a train. Who will be faster?
Hi, Marit.
Dylan Haegens turns out to be
a great F16 pilot
Dylan Haegens is in the news again,
flying an F16.
If you hate all that plastic in
the ocean, I have good news for you.
I'm going to solve
the plastic soup problem.
Today, Dylan Haegens and Teun turned
the plastic soup into fidget spinners.
Dylan Haegens did it again. He went
to Mars with Teun to do a bottle flip.
-Hello, everyone. How nice to see you.
-We're here for Dylan.
Are you Dylan's mother?
DYLANHAEGENS HAS UPLOADED A NEW VIDEO
Dylan, do you have a moment?
Let me check my schedule.
On Monday I'm off,
on Tuesday and Wednesday as well.
And today? No time today,
because today I'm not doing anything.
-My schedule is much better than yours.
-Right, thanks.
No offence, but now that I make my own
schedule, I have much more leisure time.
So I've noticed. It's been a great month
in terms of views and videos.
You bet. Just leave it to Dylan.
-There's only one problem.
-No, there isn't, no problem whatsoever.
Rick and I have noticed that you've
only made videos with Teun lately.
That's not true. Last month Teun
made that video of you singing on...
What was that? Me, singing?
No. Did I say singing?
I got it all wrong. It wasn't you.
-Your hair looks nice, by the way.
-Thanks.
If you only make videos with Teun,
Rick gets insecure.
I'm not insecure at all.
I only regretted that I couldn't come
to Mars, because I love Mars.
Dude. Have you been under the bed
all that time, just to make that pun?
Yes.
-Nice.
-But seriously, guys.
If you only work with Teun,
it looks like you don't need us anymore.
That's right.
That's what's so good about it.
-What? That you don't need me anymore?
-Yes, or Rick.
And I don't need
Teun and myself anymore either.
-Can I see your schedule?
-Sure.
Let's see.
We're going out for a bite to eat.
That sounds great.
Oh, right. Of course.
-And then I'll tell you everything.
-Okay. So, what will you tell me?
I can't say that, or I won't
have anything to say later on.
Where are you going?
You said you wouldn't do anything.
I haven't been doing anything in bed.
I'm going out and doing nothing there.
Wave to the people who are working.
See you tonight.
I walked right into that door.
Again. I'm so stupid.
Well, I'll be... A third time.
-Go on.
-Right.
One million subscribers in one month
is huge.
That last video was awesome, but
I'm still sad I couldn't come to Mars.
It would've been possible.
Look, plenty of room.
Yes, it would've been possible,
but the food is horrible on board.
-They have sandwiches in a tube.
-That sounds gross.
In that case I'm glad I didn't go.
But can I join you guys this week?
No, that'll be difficult.
Why not? You do everything together.
Doesn't Dylan need me anymore?
He'll talk with you tomorrow. He's
talking about it with Marit tonight.
-You won again. Another drink?
-Sure.
He wants to talk to me?
He's going to fire me.
There has to be some older video
that I'm in. Let's see.
Wait a minute. I can't remember this.
When was this made?
Check out Marit. This is awesome.
This has to be put online. The fans
also want to see Rick and Marit.
This has to be put online right away.
Mr Haegens, please, follow me.
-Look, it's Dylan Haegens.
-That's fantastic.
He even flew to Mars for a video.
That was awesome. Bravo.
Congratulations on
your 2.5 million subscribers.
-Great job.
-Thank you.
2.5 million subscribers?
That's an increase of 1 million.
Bizarre, right? In just one month.
That's what we're celebrating.
Waiter.
-Have you picked a dessert?
-It all looks delicious.
-I'll have the fruit parfait.
-Excellent. And you, sir?
Nothing really appeals to me.
I'll just have a banana.
-A banana.
-Freshly picked, please.
Excellent choice. Coming right up.
-No working tonight.
-Have you seen this video?
Seriously, I don't want to think
about work tonight.
Sure, but just check out this video.
I don't know if I should put it online.
-Is it funny?
-Very funny.
In that case I don't have to see it.
Just put it out there.
It's online. Is it my turn?
You don't stand a chance, you know.
Don't I? You're probably right.
Did you enjoy your meal? Great.
Right. Marit, I have to tell you
something. It's like this...
Wait, I really want to hear it,
but I need to go to the toilet.
Don't look at your mobile phone
right away.
Alright, I'm sorry. Don't go looking
at your mobile phone either.
-I won't.
-Okay, just leave it here then.
-Why?
-If you don't look, you can leave it.
Fine, but I'm taking your mobile phone.
Right, this makes sense.
Come on. You can't just throw
that peel on the ground.
Why not? I do it all the time.
Someone will clean it up.
What? No way, that's not possible.
Remove, remove.
I can't access my account.
-My mobile phone...
-What's going on?
I really need to go outside,
because I have...
Poop on my shoe. It's really gross.
I need to get it off with my mobile
phone, because it's good for scraping.
Wonderful.
I'm sorry. Everything's fine.
It's alright.
Let's see. Fifty thousand views already.
Remove, remove...
-Dylan, what are you doing?
-Nothing.
I need to go to Teun, because Teun
also has poop under his shoe.
-And appendicitis.
-Really? How terrible.
I'll send him a text right away.
Can I have my phone back?
-Sure.
-Go on then.
Yes, eh...
Dylan, what are you doing?
Oops. How clumsy of me.
What a coincidence that thing was there.
I like it that you're a bit weird,
but tonight it's too much.
-I understand that.
-I'm driving.
Very smart, me being so clumsy.
-That video of Marit and me is awesome.
-What video?
The one where I play guitar
and Marit sings in her panties.
-You've seen it?
-Yes, I was there. I think.
No. Yes.
Just forget about that, alright?
-Dylan will explain it to you.
-I think it will garner a lot of views.
It won't. Only three people have seen it
so far. Let's keep it that way.
Nope. In ten minutes it has garnered
50 thousand views.
50 thou... Oh no, Rick.
What have you done?
Oh, it's offline now.
-Hi, Dylan.
-Hey, Dylan.
-You're coming with me.
-I can explain.
-Hi, Teun. Are you okay? Feel better now?
-Yes, I feel fine.
-Nice.
-Yes, let's celebrate in the kitchen.
-We're having a party.
-Just the two of us. Come on.
They do everything
by themselves nowadays.
Marit, can you remember that video
where I play guitar and you sing
the alphabet in your panties?
Rick, I think you've drunk
a bit too much. I'll wait outside.
-Dude, why did you upload that video?
-I didn't, Rick did.
Why did Rick upload that video? Marit
will break up with me if she sees this.
He must have seen it on my computer.
Why is it even there?
You said you'd delete it. Dude.
I forgot to delete it.
And I thought it was funny.
We barely got away with it this time.
I removed it before Marit could see it.
But I don't want this anymore. Tomorrow,
I'll tell that Mr Opstelten we're done.
As said, Dylan Haegens' awesome videos
resulted in one million more subscribers.
A hilarious video has been put online in
which Marit plays quite a special role.
-Hello.
-Good morning.
I'm here to see Mr Opstelten.
I would love to help you, but
Mr Opstelten can't see you today.
No problem. I'm here to say that I won't
be using the software any longer.
You can't do that. You'll have
to tell Mr Opstelten in person.
Right. When is he available?
Let's see.
This afternoon at three...
He won't be here.
Tomorrow, at half past ten...
-Alright then.
-He won't be here.
-How about Christmas?
-Excuse me?
It looks like Mr Opstelten won't be
available until the end of December.
I can't cancel my subscription
until the end of next year?
Eh, yes. That's to say...
Yes?
Here we go.
Next year won't be possible either.
In 2020 there's a spot on 27 May,
at half past two.
Shall I reserve it for you?
Mr Haegens?
Where are you hiding?
Mr Opstelten?
Mr Haegens. Didn't anyone tell you
that I'm extremely busy right now?
Yes, they did.
But you don't look busy to me.
Is that how it looks to you?
Well, that's correct.
-You're here to extend your subscription?
-No, I'm not.
-To buy a subscription for someone else?
-No.
-You're here to pay me a compliment?
-I'm not.
In that case I can't do anything
for you. Good afternoon.
-I'm here to cancel my subscription.
-What?
-What? You can't do that.
-Why not?
-Because you have to tell me personally.
-Right.
What's that?
Hereby I officially cancel
my subscription.
-But you can't do that.
-Yes, I can. It says so in the contract.
Sure, but you can't, because...
And I have to notify the main office.
-The main office?
-Yes, and they won't be happy there.
-Why not?
-First off, my Russian is very bad.
I can hardly express myself.
They're really annoyed by that.
And secondly?
Secondly, there's no secondly.
It has never happened before.
I propose you do it
for the first time then.
-Alright, but you're responsible.
-Sure.
-For me doing this.
-Go ahead.
-I'm going to do it.
-Go on. Do it.
Now? Yes, I'm doing it now. Watch me.
I'm going to do it.
That's 'yes' in Russian.
Bye.
Well?
Did I mention that my Russian
isn't very good?
-Yes, you did.
-What I've understood
is that cancelling your subscription
would be no problem whatsoever
and it could even be done today.
That's great news.
But they also used words
I didn't understand
and that could mean something else.
Such as?
That they will make your life
a living hell
to the point that nothing remains
but a pitiful pile of shit.
-A pitiful pile of shit?
-But it could be that other thing too.
-How do we find out?
-That's actually quite simple. We don't.
Right, thanks. For nothing.
Yes, likewise. For nothing.
-Hi, folks.
-Hi, Dylan. Wearing your belt today?
Yes, why?
There's a video
that'll blow your pants off.
-What are you talking about?
-You haven't seen it yet?
It's pretty embarrassing.
-What? It's online?
-Yes.
-Aren't you angry?
-Why would I be angry?
-You're the one looking like a fool.
-Me? What?
-What is this?
-That mean Dylan breaks into my home.
With his pants down. Good for him.
This... This is...
Guys, IJsbrand is on the live show.
Come see this.
Go ahead, IJsbrand.
It's not the first time Dylan
has stolen something from me.
He often uses the same themes
in his videos.
In a month my film will be released,
and what do you know?
Six months from now Dylan
will also release his own film.
I'd like to say to Dylan's team:
My door is always open for you.
I think this is the right time for us
to work together on my channel. Bye.
Oh no, we're losing subscribers.
This is bad publicity.
I agree.
Why did you break into his house?
I have to tell you something.
IJsbrand is lying.
It's true that I broke into his house.
But only because he makes his videos
in a dishonest way.
His videos aren't real.
Are you maligning him now? I don't like
IJsbrand either, but this is too easy.
I don't like it either, Dylan.
Fine, don't believe me then.
No one in Dylan's team believed
IJsbrand is making fake videos.
Dylan was angry and went back home,
thinking he was safe there.
But he has no idea of what awaits him.
-What do you mean?
-What do you mean, 'what do you mean'?
That part about
'he has no idea of what awaits him'.
I said that to make it exciting.
Nothing bad will happen.
-Nothing's going to happen?
-Well...
-Like what?
-I can't give away any spoilers.
You're really useless.
And so, Dylan walks away angrily again.
He thought the worst was over...
but it was going to get a lot worse.
-Stop it.
-Right, I'm sorry.
The next day would prove to be fine
for Dylan, no problem whatsoever.
Great.
Is this a prank? Is this a prank?
Where are the cameras?
A prank?
Do you call kissing Melanie a prank?
-Kissing... Who kissed Melanie?
-Don't act like you don't know.
I really don't know what this is about.
What are you doing, Marit?
You're pathetic.
Do you really want me to show you?
Oh, Melanie.
You're so much nicer than Marit.
She's silly, and stupid, and ugly.
Just like Rick, with his blouse.
That's not me, Marit.
I swear it's not me.
It just happens to be someone
who looks like you
and who checks Melanie's molars
with his tongue?
Ouch, Marit. This is one
of IJsbrand's creations again.
-I didn't know you could stoop this low.
-What are you...
Why do people always do this in films?
Can't we just...
What is this? This guy IJsbrand...
Marit... Cool down.
Can you throw me a shoe?
I only have one here.
A shoe, please.
Not my computer. My computer.
What are you doing?
Not my Play Button, Marit. Don't.
Jesus, Marit. What are you doing?
-Marit, I don't even play piano.
-But I do.
Oh, right.
-Could you please not film this?
-Why not? Can't I be famous?
Hey, Dylan. I got you some food.
There you go.
And something to drink.
-Rick, I thought we were friends.
-Not anymore.
I'll give you 10 Euros
if you don't put this online.
Too late, it's already online. Hold on.
I've already made 10 Euros in ads.
Bye.
DYLAN, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
-What?
-Get on the floor. Get down.
-Dylan, it's me, Klaas.
-I don't know anyone named Klaas.
Where is the money? Hurry up.
-Go ahead.
-I have a description for you.
He's wearing one shoe and
had a pink milkshake thrown at him.
-He's sticky. I repeat, he's sticky.
-Got it. I'm on my way.
We're witnessing the dramatic fall
of Dylan Haegens.
We came to know him as a young lad
who made comedy skits on YouTube.
But in reality, he's a thief, an
impostor and simply a repulsive guy.
The friendly, successful, Dutch YouTuber
has completely lost it.
Dylan Haegens has robbed a bank.
We don't know why he did it,
but it clearly has serious consequences.
I've surfed on a train once,
but that Dylan is a real lunatic.
Down with Dylan.
-Of course I'm ashamed.
-You ask me about my son?
I don't have a son.
Down with Dylan.
I was filming Dylan Haegens, and
then he took my phone and smashed it.
-We are done with Dylan Haegens.
-I don't want anything to do with him.
Dylan Haegens, if you're watching:
You're worthless.
Apparently, they'll put Dylan's picture
next to the dictionary word 'sad'.
Dylan Haegens kissed my sister.
Dylan, who do you think you are?
It's the last thing I had expected
from Dylan.
-You can't do this.
-Dylan Haegens, why?
-Dude, do something with your life.
-I hate Dylan Haegens. I hate him.
I would've expected this from
other people, but not from Dylan.
-It's despicable.
-I'm removing all the videos we made.
From tomorrow I'll be working
with Team IJsbrand.
I'm really keen to work with
someone who doesn't cheat people.
Dylan is persecuted
by everyone in the city.
Could you please be more quiet?
He's here. Dylan Haegens is here.
He's here.
Dylan can't trust anyone.
No, we don't want to make videos
with Dylan, only with you.
Well, Marit, would you also
like to be my girlfriend?
Oh yes, IJsbrand, I really want that.
Come here and kiss me.
-IJsbrand.
-What are you doing here?
-You have to help me.
-I don't have to do anything.
-Yes, you do. You destroyed my life.
-So what?
I can do the same to you.
-Don't touch my tablet.
There's soap in my eyes.
Oh no, kids' shampoo doesn't sting.
That's right, it doesn't. And this?
Whoopsie.
-What are you doing?
-I'm tying you up.
I won't let you go until you admit
that you made those videos about me.
Sure, I'll admit it right away.
-What?
-I can shut up for a long time,
but do you know how long the film
will last then? A really long time.
Do you know why I did it?
Because I don't have any friends.
I'm simply jealous.
-What about your team?
-They're actors. I've hired them.
-I pay them.
-And not a lot either.
Only travel expenses. Sometimes.
-Rick?
-Hi, Dylan.
-What are you doing here?
-IJsbrand wanted me to work for him.
-Now I'm here.
-Can't we work together?
This is all a bit too easy.
I thought you were the bad guy.
No, I'm not so bad. I tried Opstelten's
software once, and now I'm stuck to it.
He tries to blackmail me.
So, you've made all those videos about
me because you're being blackmailed?
Yes. I mean,
I also enjoyed making them.
But I feel really sorry now.
You know what? I'll forgive you.
-We need to stop that Opstelten together.
-Great.
-Rick, do you know where Teun is?
-Over there.
What a coincidence
that he was waiting for us outside.
Yes, very nice. My car has broken down,
so we can go with him.
Nice. His car. Yes.
-Is this his office?
-Yes.
Gentlemen, I'd love to help you,
but Mr Opstelten has said
he doesn't have any time for you.
That's no problem at all,
because we're only here to say that...
IJsbrand is madly in love with you.
-I... I...
-I'll be very happy to help you.
Would you like to make an appointment
for a date?
-Okay.
-Let's see. Tonight I'm...
Not available. Tomorrow night I'm...
Not available.
-Oh well...
-How about Saturday evening?
-Hey, guys. Look what I found.
-Help me.
-Bubble wrap.
-Don't touch me, you mad dog.
Get off. Diederik-Jan.
Diederik-Jan, help me.
Help me out of here.
-Yes, right here.
-Bubble wrap.
You idiot. Ouch.
Get off me. You're fired. Go away.
Guys, please get me out of here.
Only if you confess
to all your swindling.
Swindling? Me? How did you get
that idea? That's rich coming from you.
You made all those fake videos
after all. Right?
True, but I made a video with IJsbrand
in which we explain that we used your
software, and we'll never do it again.
-Yes. Did we really make that video?
-I've used the software one last time.
Alright then.
I made that software and sold it to you,
so you could make fake videos.
I confess.
But I only did it
because I'm a bad person.
I'm simply a very bad person.
What's this?
Hey, Dylan.
I had a really nice time with you...
but these past few days I've seen
a side of you I didn't know before.
-And I can't live with that side of you.
-What?
I think it's better if we each
go our separate ways.
I'm leaving everything behind
and start
working for an NGO in South America.
All my channels are offline,
YouTube, Instagram.
This is the last message you'll ever see
from me. I'm leaving my phone here.
-She hasn't seen our video yet.
-Yes, you may have taken me down.
But you'll never get Marit back.
Dear Dylan, I'm about to leave
to catch my flight.
-What do we do now?
-I have a plan that'll save the day.
-What is it?
-Making sandwiches. That always helps.
You still have time.
Her plane leaves in half an hour.
Let's go to the airport right now.
Racing to the airport for his
girlfriend. That's always so romantic.
Guys, help.
We'll never make it in this tin can.
It can't do faster than 40.
-StukTV.
-Dylan, get in here. We have 25 minutes.
Come on, hurry. Go, go, go.
Madam, has the plane
to South America taken off yet?
Let me check for you.
-No.
-I'm sorry. The plane has just left.
Guys. No.
No.
-No, it can't be. Guys...
-Dylan.
Marit?
-I thought I'd never see you again.
-Sweetheart, I saw your video.
-I couldn't leave my phone here.
-It's the best video I've ever made.
And as always, at the end of the film
everything is well again.
Dylan and Marit are together again.
Team Dylan is reunited,
and can make videos
for you in the normal way again.
That's the nice thing about films.
People make up
and others, who have nothing
to do with it, start applauding.
This is also the perfect moment
to finally propose to Marit.
-Really?
-What?
Would you like a bite? Yes?
Tomorrow, I'll tell that Mr Opstelten
we're done with his software.
Tomorrow, I'll tell that Mr Opstelten
we're done with his software.
That was slightly too late.
Three, two, one... Action.
-Hi, folks. No, it's 'hi'.
-Of course.
-Three, two, one...
-On one, or on zero?
No, three, two, one,
and then 'hi, folks'.
Hi, folks.
-I did it wrong again.
-You need to put your hand up.
-Hello, folks. Now I did it.
-Let's do it like this then.
-Hi, folks.
-Hello, folks.
Mr Opstelten.
This was your idea.
-Look at that. It was posted today.
-That's impossible.
-This can't be.
-It can't.
It can't be.
You're pathetic.
Do you really want me to show you?
That's the wrong side.
-I promise.
-Dude.
He spat on my face.
-We need to stop this Opstelten together.
-Alright.
He thought the worst was over,
but it was going to get a lot worse.
-Stop it.
-Alright, nothing bad happens.
I'm too young to die.
-The doors are open.
-Run.
I need to go to Teun, because
Teun also has poop under his shoe.
-What?
-And the bells are ringing.
I can hear that,
but don't try to change the subject.
Yes, yes, and then?
Yes, I told you so.
Didn't I tell you?
-Unbelievable.
-Fake videos.
I can feel it physically.
My heart is bleeding.
-Horrible.
-Worthless.
This one's for the blooper reel.
Right. Scene 8 for
10 Ways of Cleaning Up Your Room.
-Is everyone ready?
-Yes.
Camera running?
Here we go.
And action.
Guys, hold on. I think this is the...
This is Dylan. He's a YouTuber.
You probably knew this,
but maybe your parents don't.
Dylan makes funny YouTube videos.
He calls them comedy sketches.
And now for your homework. Pages...
Dylan, get out.
Okay, that's it.
There you go.
You know what to do with this, right?
That's a good one.
Running a successful YouTube
channel requires a rock-solid team.
And action.
No, no, no.
Nice. This was good.
Come on, don't exaggerate.
It's only a bulldozer.
Now it's time for the scene
with the flamethrower.
This is Marit, Dylan's
help and mainstay.
She not only plans and produces all the
videos, she's also the love of his life.
There you go. Rope, torch.
This is Teun,
the smallest team member.
Very good at farting
and operating the camera.
But most of all, he's very small.
Right, scene 10, flamethrower,
and action.
And this is Rick.
Don't I get a cool introduction?
Rick is really good at drawing.
Was that all? Oh, come on.
But Dylan does other things as well.
Besides recording lots of videos
he does all kinds of other stuff.
-In short, he's a busy man.
-I'm really busy.
That's what I said.
It's all a matter of making a schedule.
Look, I've made you one.
-What does that toilet symbol stand for?
-That's when you go to the toilet.
-Twice a day, for one minute?
-That should be enough, right?
Why do I suddenly get 30 minutes here
to go to the toilet?
-On Thursday we eat Chinese food.
-Right. Of course.
What are all these cameras for?
Dylan, we're making a film.
You knew that, right?
As if Dylan isn't busy enough
his first film is being shot as well.
-And who am I hearing all the time?
-The voice-over.
He's really old. A bit your age, right?
Dylan is a real joker, but Marit
doesn't always appreciate his jokes.
And so she slaps him on the head.
Dylan will have to get used to this.
He waves friendly to the voice-over.
And he says he's sorry.
I'm sorry.
-Louder.
-I'm sorry.
The film can start for real now.
As if a regular week isn't busy enough
for Dylan and his team,
with thinking up, filming
and editing all those videos,
he has also started a sandwich shop.
For people who don't have a lot of time,
but still want to eat well.
The whole team works here.
Dylan and Marit serve the tables.
Ladies, here you go,
a croque monsieur deluxe.
Teun and Rick are behind the counter.
-Rick, taste this.
-Why? Is this a new recipe?
-What is on it?
-Taste first.
This is tasty, very tasty.
What did you put on it?
-Nothing special.
-It tastes better than usual.
I just dropped it on the floor and
wanted to know if we can still serve it.
Well, it tastes good.
Oh, no.
And here we have IJsbrand.
He's also a YouTuber.
He started around the same time as Dylan
and has the same amount of subscribers.
Team Dylan Haegens
isn't happy with IJsbrand.
Because when Dylan makes a top 10
of excuses for being too late...
I'm too late, because I've accidentally
glued myself to my bike.
Dylan will make a top 8 of excuses
for not being on time.
I couldn't be on time because I
accidentally glued myself to my tractor.
IJsbrand has also started
a sandwich shop, across the street.
And just like Dylan,
he has his own team.
That looks exactly
like Team Dylan Haegens.
And so IJsbrand comes up with the same
ideas as Dylan, but just a bit later.
I came up with the idea for a visible
voice-over last week as well.
Hi, Rick.
I want a special sandwich with egg.
-Coming up.
-But...
But without egg, because I'm allergic.
Without cheese, it doesn't look fresh.
-And no ham, because I'm vegetarian.
-So, you just want bread?
Yes, with a sausage.
-But you just said you were vegetarian.
-I'm rather an irritarian.
It means I only refrain from eating meat
if people find it irritating.
I have bad news for you.
You might want to sit down.
IJsbrand, listen.
We don't have any sausages.
Oh. That's okay, because we do.
A panini with sausage.
Would you like a bite?
Nice, isn't it?
Would you like to know
the secret ingredient?
-Petrol on the bread.
-Petrol?
It's spicy, surprising and
something you have never tasted before.
Remember, it's a secret.
-IJsbrand.
-Dylan.
Can I help you? Like thinking up
an idea that you can steal?
I just came here
for a sausage sandwich.
-We don't have that.
-So I've heard.
But we do. A panini with sausage.
If anyone here would like a sausage
they can get it across the street.
-Anything else we can do for you?
-Yes, a glass of tap water and...
There are so many cameras here.
-Dylan. Are you making a feature film?
-Well...
How nice, me too. Isn't that great?
People can watch your film, a couple
of months after they've seen mine.
I really hate that guy.
I don't know, Dylan. He seems nice.
I always give people the benefit
of the doubt, but not IJsbrand.
Shall I make you a nice sandwich? We
have some new ones you have to taste.
Sure, show me what you got.
What I don't get, is that IJsbrand makes
at least as many videos as we do.
But everyone on his team always
looks so relaxed.
As if they never have anything to do.
Do you ever see them with a camera?
-No, I don't.
-Right?
Don't panic, everyone.
It's just smoke, nothing more.
Don't panic, it's just a burst of flame,
nothing more.
Don't panic, it's just
a kitchen on fire, nothing more.
-What ingredients did you use?
-Just some cheese, tomatoes and petrol.
Petrol?
Look at how nice that looks,
once it all fits in.
-We need to get out of here.
-Where is the exit?
Oh no, no, no, Teun.
What do I do?
That sandwich looks really nice.
But Teun is my best friend.
This is so difficult.
-Dylan.
-Marit, get over here.
Where are Rick and Teun?
Where is Teun?
-How can you still look so clean?
-Flames go up. Just stay low.
-Right.
-And thanks.
Listen up, everyone. You get
your second sandwich for free today.
Fortunately, there's one positive thing.
-What is it?
-This sandwich tastes great.
Yes, life can be cruel.
But my vlog about your fire
is already trending.
-He's right. It can't be.
-That's impossible.
Didn't I tell you? I told you, right?
Hey, guys. Who wants a panini?
I got the fourth one for free.
I told you that IJsbrand is alright.
He even put extra sauce on it.
Yes, barbecue sauce.
Don't you like that?
Hold on. Did you just say that IJsbrand
gave you those sandwiches himself?
-I did.
-That's impossible. Look at this.
He has just uploaded this video:
eight ways to prevent a fire.
He recorded it at home.
Something's not right. We need
to find out what it is. Come on, Teun.
-Hey, guys. What about the sandwiches?
-You can eat them.
Don't worry, I'll clean up
everything here. All by myself.
Great. Thanks, Marit.
Right.
-Hey, are you helping after all?
-Forgot my car keys.
-No problem. We can go in my car.
-Right, your car. That's just great.
-Is this his place?
-I think so.
-Can you see anything?
-That window's up too high.
-Hold on, I'll lift you up.
-Good idea.
-I still can't see anything.
-Go stand on my shoulders.
Here I go.
-No, I'm just below it.
-Go stand on my head then.
Yes, I can see him.
-What is he doing?
-He's on a tropical island.
That guy is really rich.
He has a tropical island in his house.
Eh, right.
-What is he doing on his island?
-He's on his mobile phone.
I had that too once.
Completely broke the screen.
Hold on. What? No way.
Look at this.
He just uploaded this today.
Hello, everyone.
How nice that you're watching.
No 8 Ways today,
but something else
that you're just going to love.
Drum roll.
I'm going to make a feature film.
Yes, for real.
We've been working on it for a while
now. You can see it in a few months.
-He can't do that.
-Right. He's stealing our idea again.
Hold on.
-What are you doing?
-Give me your belt.
-My belt?
-Yes, I saw this on a YouTube video.
Hold on.
Good afternoon, madam.
We're from the anti-burglary agency.
We're checking if this home
is easy to break into.
-Should I be worried?
-Not at all. No way we're getting in.
Yes, I did it.
Ouch. We'll make a note of this.
Hello, madam.
Dutch people...
Come on, Samson.
Dylan, what is it we have to do?
We need to find out
what IJsbrand is up to.
If we get caught, we'll have
to make our videos from prison.
Don't worry.
What's this?
It's a letter.
In the past, letters were
used as a means of communication.
If people wanted contact, they'd write.
No, I mean: What is this? Double You.
Dude, it would be a real coincidence
if you'd find the letter...
that tells us what IJsbrand's secret is.
Yes, that's something that
never happens in films. Come on.
-What is this?
-That guy is insane.
Look here. Another letter.
And again from Double You.
Another coincidence?
It's an invoice
from a certain Mr Opstelten.
A subscription with
an extra burning objects package?
A normal subscription,
for his phone or something.
-With extra burning objects?
-That Galaxy S7 blows up all the time.
We need to get out of here.
Is he gone? Teun?
-Is he gone?
-Come on.
We have a problem.
How do we get out of here unnoticed?
Time for lunch, guys.
-Wait a minute. You're real?
-Did you think we were robots?
-Don't be silly.
-You just stand still all day?
Only from 9 to 5,
and we lunch for one hour.
-How can you stand still for so long?
-We've all worked for TV.
We're used to standing still.
Let's go, guys.
Dylan Haegens.
-Is this his office?
-Yeah, I think so.
Hello?
Hello.
What can I do for you?
We're looking for Mr Opstelten.
Mr Opstelten.
Do you have an appointment?
Eh, no.
In that case, he won't see you.
Mr Opstelten only sees people
who have an appointment.
-And how do we make an appointment?
-You ask me.
-Great, can we make an appointment?
-My lunch break starts in...
Let's see.
-If we can...
-In 15 seconds.
-Can we make one fast then?
-Ten, nine...
-Very fast, please?
-What a coincidence.
Mr Opstelten's agenda is full for the
week, except for this next half hour.
-Great.
-Three, two, one...
Sorry, my lunch break has started.
Please, come back in an hour.
Are you serious?
Yes, I am. I'd love to help you but my
contract says I have to lunch now.
-Come on, this is ridiculous.
-I'm calling security.
Diederik-Jan, could you please come?
-Diederik-Jan?
-Hello, I'm Diederik-Jan.
-I'm going to play golf with my friends.
-Who is called Diederik-Jan?
We're leaving.
Could you please open the door?
I'm too young to die.
Right.
What can I do for you, gentlemen?
We were wondering if we could get
the same subscription as IJsbrand.
IJsbrand told us that you have
the best subscription.
Yes.
IJsbrand told me about that.
But that's great.
Would you like to see
the new model first?
-I love models.
-Follow me then.
I'm sorry.
Look, this is the latest model.
Would you like to take a look inside?
Go ahead and try it out.
See you later.
Wow.
Who?
I think we have to say who we are.
It looks like it has ripped
a picture of mine.
Lines. Alright.
Hello, folks.
What?
This has to be a prank.
Yes, that's right.
This is all a big, fat prank.
You see? But it's a good prank.
-Dude, didn't you just see me type that?
-Right, and this is pre-recorded?
-No, it isn't. Do something spontaneous.
-Something spontaneous?
-Yes, something I wouldn't expect.
-Okay.
What are you doing?
Big, fat ladies
with carrots in their hands, 23.
Big, fat ladies
with carrots in their hands, 23.
-This is really special.
-Indeed. How do you know my password?
Look, our entire team is there.
Teun...
Hi, I'm Teun,
and I'm not as small as I look.
Roel van Velzen and Wesley Sneijder
are just a few heads taller than I am.
Very funny, Dylan.
You can do other stuff as well.
ACTION: PICK NOSE
Nice. Hold on.
That's really good.
This is awesome.
Let's see, ten ways of proposing
to your girlfriend.
Yes, nice. Or: 10 ways of saying that
your girlfriend's hair looks so nice
that she'll stay by your side forever.
Yes, that's nice.
Hi there, Marit.
IJsbrand.
Look what you've made of the place.
It's all back to how it was.
Except for the customers.
Are you here all by yourself? Wouldn't
you prefer to eat a panini with me?
There's a nice place across the street.
You know, there's something
I would like even better.
And what would that be, dear Marit?
-I would like you to buzz off.
-Or else?
Or else I'll call Rick.
I believe Rick is a bit busy right now.
-Again?
-Yes, they're irresistible.
-Just like you, Marit.
-Don't touch me.
I know when I'm too much, dear Marit.
-You know full well I have a boyfriend.
-Yes. Dylan, right?
Peys? Or was it Knol? Where is
your beloved boyfriend right now?
He's doing really important
and smart things.
Important and smart things. Right...
What's this here?
Are you getting married?
How very nice.
Right, I'll be off then.
Say hi to Bylan.
Or was it Bilal?
Willem? Ernst-Jan.
-Bye, IJsbrand.
-Cheerio.
Oh, man. This is awesome.
It looks so real.
This way you don't have
to record videos.
You can also change the background.
That's the theatre square.
What if we put a big stage up there?
An audience. Marit and Rick.
And now this...
Hi, I'm Marit
and I'm going to sing for you.
This is so sick.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
Look at Marit.
Let's add this.
-Right, that's enough.
-It isn't real.
Come on, this is getting embarrassing.
But it's really interesting
from a journalistic point of view.
-Dude, cut it out. This is too much.
-Let me add one more thing. Almost done.
-Seriously...
-Wait, I'm almost done.
-Hold on.
-Just stop.
-Take it easy.
-Let go.
It seems you've already got
the hang of it.
Follow me to my office.
Do you think he saw that?
Nobody gets to see that, ever.
-Seriously, nobody must find out.
-I promise.
-Dude, that's gross.
-You asked me to promise.
How did you like the demonstration,
my friends?
-We liked it quite a bit.
-I've already set up a contract.
You're getting a big discount.
Go on and sign.
At the bottom of the last page,
where the dotted line is. There you go.
Over there, at the dotted line.
-We'll have to discuss it first at home.
-Discuss it?
Why would you want to do that?
It doesn't get any better than this.
And many people use it. People like
Gordon, Mark Rutte, Peter R. de Vries.
You may think they're really busy, but
they're just lying on a beach somewhere.
So, go ahead and sign.
At the dotted line. Go on, sign.
We have to think about it.
I'll come back next week.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
-That won't be possible.
-Why not?
You know that people like Gordon,
Mark Rutte, Peter R. de Vries use it.
-I'm sorry.
-But you told us yourself.
That's easy to say in hindsight.
You're not leaving
until that contract is signed.
There, at the dotted line.
What's that?
Look, I have another contract.
And this one says:
a trial period of just one month.
No strings attached.
But you must keep it secret.
Here you go.
Go ahead and sign at the dotted line.
-So there are really no strings attached?
-You're as free as a bird.
Go on and sign on my back.
Thank you very much.
There we go.
I'll see you next month.
Your time starts... now.
Go on, get to work.
And make some nice things.
-Bye.
-Goodbye.
-That dude is crazy.
-Yes, but it does work.
-It'll be cool to play around with.
-Are you sure?
-What if your fans find out?
-They won't. We won't put it online.
It won't hurt
to try out a couple of things.
-What do we say to Marit and Rick?
-Nothing for now.
We're testing it for a month.
If it works, we'll tell them about it.
Alrighty then.
-Hold on. Wait a minute.
-What is it?
-I know.
-What?
-I know. I know what the secret is.
-What secret?
-This software.
-This software what?
-This software is used by IJsbrand.
-Are you serious?
This is obvious to everyone.
How do you mean?
Everyone who is watching this film
understands
that IJsbrand uses this software.
That's right. Everyone watching
this film understands this.
Too bad, Teun.
That's what I said.
What do we do now?
This is what we're doing.
That's a really mean guy.
Let's go get him.
He's getting away in a car.
Take that one.
Yes, get in.
Dude... Seriously?
Whoa, a speedboat. Come on.
There he is.
Dylan...
-Whoa, this is really well done.
-It looks awesome.
-Too bad I couldn't be a part of it.
-Did you come up with this yourself?
Yes, all by ourselves.
How did you organise all of this?
We can't afford any of that.
-We just borrowed some stuff.
-That sports car belongs to my uncle.
-And that speedboat?
-That speedboat too.
-And what about that red bike?
-We bought it.
But that's really expensive, right?
-So, you think it's cool?
-Yes, really cool.
Despite that really expensive bike.
It's the best video ever,
even if I'm not in it.
You're really good, Teun.
You look a bit taller in this video.
-I do?
-This is going viral for sure.
-You need to put it online right away.
-You think?
-I don't think we should.
-Seriously?
You put so much energy in a video and
don't put it online? I'll do it for you.
I agree,
we really invested a lot of time.
We'll put it online today, and then
we're done for the week, right?
-We are?
-Hold on.
You guys are right.
We don't have to do any other shooting.
That means no work until Monday.
Some time off.
Hello, folks. Today Teun and I are going
to try and break a world record.
We're going around the world
as fast as we can, in a hot air balloon.
YouTubers Dylan and Teun travel
around the world in just five days.
SUBSCRIBERS
Today, Teun and I are racing
each other to Russia.
I'm flying an awesome F16 and Teun
is taking a train. Who will be faster?
Hi, Marit.
Dylan Haegens turns out to be
a great F16 pilot
Dylan Haegens is in the news again,
flying an F16.
If you hate all that plastic in
the ocean, I have good news for you.
I'm going to solve
the plastic soup problem.
Today, Dylan Haegens and Teun turned
the plastic soup into fidget spinners.
Dylan Haegens did it again. He went
to Mars with Teun to do a bottle flip.
-Hello, everyone. How nice to see you.
-We're here for Dylan.
Are you Dylan's mother?
DYLANHAEGENS HAS UPLOADED A NEW VIDEO
Dylan, do you have a moment?
Let me check my schedule.
On Monday I'm off,
on Tuesday and Wednesday as well.
And today? No time today,
because today I'm not doing anything.
-My schedule is much better than yours.
-Right, thanks.
No offence, but now that I make my own
schedule, I have much more leisure time.
So I've noticed. It's been a great month
in terms of views and videos.
You bet. Just leave it to Dylan.
-There's only one problem.
-No, there isn't, no problem whatsoever.
Rick and I have noticed that you've
only made videos with Teun lately.
That's not true. Last month Teun
made that video of you singing on...
What was that? Me, singing?
No. Did I say singing?
I got it all wrong. It wasn't you.
-Your hair looks nice, by the way.
-Thanks.
If you only make videos with Teun,
Rick gets insecure.
I'm not insecure at all.
I only regretted that I couldn't come
to Mars, because I love Mars.
Dude. Have you been under the bed
all that time, just to make that pun?
Yes.
-Nice.
-But seriously, guys.
If you only work with Teun,
it looks like you don't need us anymore.
That's right.
That's what's so good about it.
-What? That you don't need me anymore?
-Yes, or Rick.
And I don't need
Teun and myself anymore either.
-Can I see your schedule?
-Sure.
Let's see.
We're going out for a bite to eat.
That sounds great.
Oh, right. Of course.
-And then I'll tell you everything.
-Okay. So, what will you tell me?
I can't say that, or I won't
have anything to say later on.
Where are you going?
You said you wouldn't do anything.
I haven't been doing anything in bed.
I'm going out and doing nothing there.
Wave to the people who are working.
See you tonight.
I walked right into that door.
Again. I'm so stupid.
Well, I'll be... A third time.
-Go on.
-Right.
One million subscribers in one month
is huge.
That last video was awesome, but
I'm still sad I couldn't come to Mars.
It would've been possible.
Look, plenty of room.
Yes, it would've been possible,
but the food is horrible on board.
-They have sandwiches in a tube.
-That sounds gross.
In that case I'm glad I didn't go.
But can I join you guys this week?
No, that'll be difficult.
Why not? You do everything together.
Doesn't Dylan need me anymore?
He'll talk with you tomorrow. He's
talking about it with Marit tonight.
-You won again. Another drink?
-Sure.
He wants to talk to me?
He's going to fire me.
There has to be some older video
that I'm in. Let's see.
Wait a minute. I can't remember this.
When was this made?
Check out Marit. This is awesome.
This has to be put online. The fans
also want to see Rick and Marit.
This has to be put online right away.
Mr Haegens, please, follow me.
-Look, it's Dylan Haegens.
-That's fantastic.
He even flew to Mars for a video.
That was awesome. Bravo.
Congratulations on
your 2.5 million subscribers.
-Great job.
-Thank you.
2.5 million subscribers?
That's an increase of 1 million.
Bizarre, right? In just one month.
That's what we're celebrating.
Waiter.
-Have you picked a dessert?
-It all looks delicious.
-I'll have the fruit parfait.
-Excellent. And you, sir?
Nothing really appeals to me.
I'll just have a banana.
-A banana.
-Freshly picked, please.
Excellent choice. Coming right up.
-No working tonight.
-Have you seen this video?
Seriously, I don't want to think
about work tonight.
Sure, but just check out this video.
I don't know if I should put it online.
-Is it funny?
-Very funny.
In that case I don't have to see it.
Just put it out there.
It's online. Is it my turn?
You don't stand a chance, you know.
Don't I? You're probably right.
Did you enjoy your meal? Great.
Right. Marit, I have to tell you
something. It's like this...
Wait, I really want to hear it,
but I need to go to the toilet.
Don't look at your mobile phone
right away.
Alright, I'm sorry. Don't go looking
at your mobile phone either.
-I won't.
-Okay, just leave it here then.
-Why?
-If you don't look, you can leave it.
Fine, but I'm taking your mobile phone.
Right, this makes sense.
Come on. You can't just throw
that peel on the ground.
Why not? I do it all the time.
Someone will clean it up.
What? No way, that's not possible.
Remove, remove.
I can't access my account.
-My mobile phone...
-What's going on?
I really need to go outside,
because I have...
Poop on my shoe. It's really gross.
I need to get it off with my mobile
phone, because it's good for scraping.
Wonderful.
I'm sorry. Everything's fine.
It's alright.
Let's see. Fifty thousand views already.
Remove, remove...
-Dylan, what are you doing?
-Nothing.
I need to go to Teun, because Teun
also has poop under his shoe.
-And appendicitis.
-Really? How terrible.
I'll send him a text right away.
Can I have my phone back?
-Sure.
-Go on then.
Yes, eh...
Dylan, what are you doing?
Oops. How clumsy of me.
What a coincidence that thing was there.
I like it that you're a bit weird,
but tonight it's too much.
-I understand that.
-I'm driving.
Very smart, me being so clumsy.
-That video of Marit and me is awesome.
-What video?
The one where I play guitar
and Marit sings in her panties.
-You've seen it?
-Yes, I was there. I think.
No. Yes.
Just forget about that, alright?
-Dylan will explain it to you.
-I think it will garner a lot of views.
It won't. Only three people have seen it
so far. Let's keep it that way.
Nope. In ten minutes it has garnered
50 thousand views.
50 thou... Oh no, Rick.
What have you done?
Oh, it's offline now.
-Hi, Dylan.
-Hey, Dylan.
-You're coming with me.
-I can explain.
-Hi, Teun. Are you okay? Feel better now?
-Yes, I feel fine.
-Nice.
-Yes, let's celebrate in the kitchen.
-We're having a party.
-Just the two of us. Come on.
They do everything
by themselves nowadays.
Marit, can you remember that video
where I play guitar and you sing
the alphabet in your panties?
Rick, I think you've drunk
a bit too much. I'll wait outside.
-Dude, why did you upload that video?
-I didn't, Rick did.
Why did Rick upload that video? Marit
will break up with me if she sees this.
He must have seen it on my computer.
Why is it even there?
You said you'd delete it. Dude.
I forgot to delete it.
And I thought it was funny.
We barely got away with it this time.
I removed it before Marit could see it.
But I don't want this anymore. Tomorrow,
I'll tell that Mr Opstelten we're done.
As said, Dylan Haegens' awesome videos
resulted in one million more subscribers.
A hilarious video has been put online in
which Marit plays quite a special role.
-Hello.
-Good morning.
I'm here to see Mr Opstelten.
I would love to help you, but
Mr Opstelten can't see you today.
No problem. I'm here to say that I won't
be using the software any longer.
You can't do that. You'll have
to tell Mr Opstelten in person.
Right. When is he available?
Let's see.
This afternoon at three...
He won't be here.
Tomorrow, at half past ten...
-Alright then.
-He won't be here.
-How about Christmas?
-Excuse me?
It looks like Mr Opstelten won't be
available until the end of December.
I can't cancel my subscription
until the end of next year?
Eh, yes. That's to say...
Yes?
Here we go.
Next year won't be possible either.
In 2020 there's a spot on 27 May,
at half past two.
Shall I reserve it for you?
Mr Haegens?
Where are you hiding?
Mr Opstelten?
Mr Haegens. Didn't anyone tell you
that I'm extremely busy right now?
Yes, they did.
But you don't look busy to me.
Is that how it looks to you?
Well, that's correct.
-You're here to extend your subscription?
-No, I'm not.
-To buy a subscription for someone else?
-No.
-You're here to pay me a compliment?
-I'm not.
In that case I can't do anything
for you. Good afternoon.
-I'm here to cancel my subscription.
-What?
-What? You can't do that.
-Why not?
-Because you have to tell me personally.
-Right.
What's that?
Hereby I officially cancel
my subscription.
-But you can't do that.
-Yes, I can. It says so in the contract.
Sure, but you can't, because...
And I have to notify the main office.
-The main office?
-Yes, and they won't be happy there.
-Why not?
-First off, my Russian is very bad.
I can hardly express myself.
They're really annoyed by that.
And secondly?
Secondly, there's no secondly.
It has never happened before.
I propose you do it
for the first time then.
-Alright, but you're responsible.
-Sure.
-For me doing this.
-Go ahead.
-I'm going to do it.
-Go on. Do it.
Now? Yes, I'm doing it now. Watch me.
I'm going to do it.
That's 'yes' in Russian.
Bye.
Well?
Did I mention that my Russian
isn't very good?
-Yes, you did.
-What I've understood
is that cancelling your subscription
would be no problem whatsoever
and it could even be done today.
That's great news.
But they also used words
I didn't understand
and that could mean something else.
Such as?
That they will make your life
a living hell
to the point that nothing remains
but a pitiful pile of shit.
-A pitiful pile of shit?
-But it could be that other thing too.
-How do we find out?
-That's actually quite simple. We don't.
Right, thanks. For nothing.
Yes, likewise. For nothing.
-Hi, folks.
-Hi, Dylan. Wearing your belt today?
Yes, why?
There's a video
that'll blow your pants off.
-What are you talking about?
-You haven't seen it yet?
It's pretty embarrassing.
-What? It's online?
-Yes.
-Aren't you angry?
-Why would I be angry?
-You're the one looking like a fool.
-Me? What?
-What is this?
-That mean Dylan breaks into my home.
With his pants down. Good for him.
This... This is...
Guys, IJsbrand is on the live show.
Come see this.
Go ahead, IJsbrand.
It's not the first time Dylan
has stolen something from me.
He often uses the same themes
in his videos.
In a month my film will be released,
and what do you know?
Six months from now Dylan
will also release his own film.
I'd like to say to Dylan's team:
My door is always open for you.
I think this is the right time for us
to work together on my channel. Bye.
Oh no, we're losing subscribers.
This is bad publicity.
I agree.
Why did you break into his house?
I have to tell you something.
IJsbrand is lying.
It's true that I broke into his house.
But only because he makes his videos
in a dishonest way.
His videos aren't real.
Are you maligning him now? I don't like
IJsbrand either, but this is too easy.
I don't like it either, Dylan.
Fine, don't believe me then.
No one in Dylan's team believed
IJsbrand is making fake videos.
Dylan was angry and went back home,
thinking he was safe there.
But he has no idea of what awaits him.
-What do you mean?
-What do you mean, 'what do you mean'?
That part about
'he has no idea of what awaits him'.
I said that to make it exciting.
Nothing bad will happen.
-Nothing's going to happen?
-Well...
-Like what?
-I can't give away any spoilers.
You're really useless.
And so, Dylan walks away angrily again.
He thought the worst was over...
but it was going to get a lot worse.
-Stop it.
-Right, I'm sorry.
The next day would prove to be fine
for Dylan, no problem whatsoever.
Great.
Is this a prank? Is this a prank?
Where are the cameras?
A prank?
Do you call kissing Melanie a prank?
-Kissing... Who kissed Melanie?
-Don't act like you don't know.
I really don't know what this is about.
What are you doing, Marit?
You're pathetic.
Do you really want me to show you?
Oh, Melanie.
You're so much nicer than Marit.
She's silly, and stupid, and ugly.
Just like Rick, with his blouse.
That's not me, Marit.
I swear it's not me.
It just happens to be someone
who looks like you
and who checks Melanie's molars
with his tongue?
Ouch, Marit. This is one
of IJsbrand's creations again.
-I didn't know you could stoop this low.
-What are you...
Why do people always do this in films?
Can't we just...
What is this? This guy IJsbrand...
Marit... Cool down.
Can you throw me a shoe?
I only have one here.
A shoe, please.
Not my computer. My computer.
What are you doing?
Not my Play Button, Marit. Don't.
Jesus, Marit. What are you doing?
-Marit, I don't even play piano.
-But I do.
Oh, right.
-Could you please not film this?
-Why not? Can't I be famous?
Hey, Dylan. I got you some food.
There you go.
And something to drink.
-Rick, I thought we were friends.
-Not anymore.
I'll give you 10 Euros
if you don't put this online.
Too late, it's already online. Hold on.
I've already made 10 Euros in ads.
Bye.
DYLAN, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
-What?
-Get on the floor. Get down.
-Dylan, it's me, Klaas.
-I don't know anyone named Klaas.
Where is the money? Hurry up.
-Go ahead.
-I have a description for you.
He's wearing one shoe and
had a pink milkshake thrown at him.
-He's sticky. I repeat, he's sticky.
-Got it. I'm on my way.
We're witnessing the dramatic fall
of Dylan Haegens.
We came to know him as a young lad
who made comedy skits on YouTube.
But in reality, he's a thief, an
impostor and simply a repulsive guy.
The friendly, successful, Dutch YouTuber
has completely lost it.
Dylan Haegens has robbed a bank.
We don't know why he did it,
but it clearly has serious consequences.
I've surfed on a train once,
but that Dylan is a real lunatic.
Down with Dylan.
-Of course I'm ashamed.
-You ask me about my son?
I don't have a son.
Down with Dylan.
I was filming Dylan Haegens, and
then he took my phone and smashed it.
-We are done with Dylan Haegens.
-I don't want anything to do with him.
Dylan Haegens, if you're watching:
You're worthless.
Apparently, they'll put Dylan's picture
next to the dictionary word 'sad'.
Dylan Haegens kissed my sister.
Dylan, who do you think you are?
It's the last thing I had expected
from Dylan.
-You can't do this.
-Dylan Haegens, why?
-Dude, do something with your life.
-I hate Dylan Haegens. I hate him.
I would've expected this from
other people, but not from Dylan.
-It's despicable.
-I'm removing all the videos we made.
From tomorrow I'll be working
with Team IJsbrand.
I'm really keen to work with
someone who doesn't cheat people.
Dylan is persecuted
by everyone in the city.
Could you please be more quiet?
He's here. Dylan Haegens is here.
He's here.
Dylan can't trust anyone.
No, we don't want to make videos
with Dylan, only with you.
Well, Marit, would you also
like to be my girlfriend?
Oh yes, IJsbrand, I really want that.
Come here and kiss me.
-IJsbrand.
-What are you doing here?
-You have to help me.
-I don't have to do anything.
-Yes, you do. You destroyed my life.
-So what?
I can do the same to you.
-Don't touch my tablet.
There's soap in my eyes.
Oh no, kids' shampoo doesn't sting.
That's right, it doesn't. And this?
Whoopsie.
-What are you doing?
-I'm tying you up.
I won't let you go until you admit
that you made those videos about me.
Sure, I'll admit it right away.
-What?
-I can shut up for a long time,
but do you know how long the film
will last then? A really long time.
Do you know why I did it?
Because I don't have any friends.
I'm simply jealous.
-What about your team?
-They're actors. I've hired them.
-I pay them.
-And not a lot either.
Only travel expenses. Sometimes.
-Rick?
-Hi, Dylan.
-What are you doing here?
-IJsbrand wanted me to work for him.
-Now I'm here.
-Can't we work together?
This is all a bit too easy.
I thought you were the bad guy.
No, I'm not so bad. I tried Opstelten's
software once, and now I'm stuck to it.
He tries to blackmail me.
So, you've made all those videos about
me because you're being blackmailed?
Yes. I mean,
I also enjoyed making them.
But I feel really sorry now.
You know what? I'll forgive you.
-We need to stop that Opstelten together.
-Great.
-Rick, do you know where Teun is?
-Over there.
What a coincidence
that he was waiting for us outside.
Yes, very nice. My car has broken down,
so we can go with him.
Nice. His car. Yes.
-Is this his office?
-Yes.
Gentlemen, I'd love to help you,
but Mr Opstelten has said
he doesn't have any time for you.
That's no problem at all,
because we're only here to say that...
IJsbrand is madly in love with you.
-I... I...
-I'll be very happy to help you.
Would you like to make an appointment
for a date?
-Okay.
-Let's see. Tonight I'm...
Not available. Tomorrow night I'm...
Not available.
-Oh well...
-How about Saturday evening?
-Hey, guys. Look what I found.
-Help me.
-Bubble wrap.
-Don't touch me, you mad dog.
Get off. Diederik-Jan.
Diederik-Jan, help me.
Help me out of here.
-Yes, right here.
-Bubble wrap.
You idiot. Ouch.
Get off me. You're fired. Go away.
Guys, please get me out of here.
Only if you confess
to all your swindling.
Swindling? Me? How did you get
that idea? That's rich coming from you.
You made all those fake videos
after all. Right?
True, but I made a video with IJsbrand
in which we explain that we used your
software, and we'll never do it again.
-Yes. Did we really make that video?
-I've used the software one last time.
Alright then.
I made that software and sold it to you,
so you could make fake videos.
I confess.
But I only did it
because I'm a bad person.
I'm simply a very bad person.
What's this?
Hey, Dylan.
I had a really nice time with you...
but these past few days I've seen
a side of you I didn't know before.
-And I can't live with that side of you.
-What?
I think it's better if we each
go our separate ways.
I'm leaving everything behind
and start
working for an NGO in South America.
All my channels are offline,
YouTube, Instagram.
This is the last message you'll ever see
from me. I'm leaving my phone here.
-She hasn't seen our video yet.
-Yes, you may have taken me down.
But you'll never get Marit back.
Dear Dylan, I'm about to leave
to catch my flight.
-What do we do now?
-I have a plan that'll save the day.
-What is it?
-Making sandwiches. That always helps.
You still have time.
Her plane leaves in half an hour.
Let's go to the airport right now.
Racing to the airport for his
girlfriend. That's always so romantic.
Guys, help.
We'll never make it in this tin can.
It can't do faster than 40.
-StukTV.
-Dylan, get in here. We have 25 minutes.
Come on, hurry. Go, go, go.
Madam, has the plane
to South America taken off yet?
Let me check for you.
-No.
-I'm sorry. The plane has just left.
Guys. No.
No.
-No, it can't be. Guys...
-Dylan.
Marit?
-I thought I'd never see you again.
-Sweetheart, I saw your video.
-I couldn't leave my phone here.
-It's the best video I've ever made.
And as always, at the end of the film
everything is well again.
Dylan and Marit are together again.
Team Dylan is reunited,
and can make videos
for you in the normal way again.
That's the nice thing about films.
People make up
and others, who have nothing
to do with it, start applauding.
This is also the perfect moment
to finally propose to Marit.
-Really?
-What?
Would you like a bite? Yes?
Tomorrow, I'll tell that Mr Opstelten
we're done with his software.
Tomorrow, I'll tell that Mr Opstelten
we're done with his software.
That was slightly too late.
Three, two, one... Action.
-Hi, folks. No, it's 'hi'.
-Of course.
-Three, two, one...
-On one, or on zero?
No, three, two, one,
and then 'hi, folks'.
Hi, folks.
-I did it wrong again.
-You need to put your hand up.
-Hello, folks. Now I did it.
-Let's do it like this then.
-Hi, folks.
-Hello, folks.
Mr Opstelten.
This was your idea.
-Look at that. It was posted today.
-That's impossible.
-This can't be.
-It can't.
It can't be.
You're pathetic.
Do you really want me to show you?
That's the wrong side.
-I promise.
-Dude.
He spat on my face.
-We need to stop this Opstelten together.
-Alright.
He thought the worst was over,
but it was going to get a lot worse.
-Stop it.
-Alright, nothing bad happens.
I'm too young to die.
-The doors are open.
-Run.
I need to go to Teun, because
Teun also has poop under his shoe.
-What?
-And the bells are ringing.
I can hear that,
but don't try to change the subject.
Yes, yes, and then?
Yes, I told you so.
Didn't I tell you?
-Unbelievable.
-Fake videos.
I can feel it physically.
My heart is bleeding.
-Horrible.
-Worthless.
This one's for the blooper reel.