De wederopstanding van een klootzak (2013) Movie Script

...on your dick.
Blisters on your dick.
I told him: Hogweed can get you
blisters on your dick, so look out.
Somewhere in Friesland.
Because the guy had
a 'Dokkum Arms' tattoo on his wrist.
Yes, the town of Dokkum.
Checking wrists.
Talk to you later.
What happened?
Can you...
Thank you.
There's just old people here.
Bet you can't even buy cannabis here.
What are we gonna do
when we find this guy?
No idea.
There you are, your trout
with pomegranates.
There you are.
You know you've got
a cat in your bag?
And a steak for you.
There you are.
Yes, his name is Sonnema.
He's not feeling well...
...and he tends to hide
when that happens.
- I'm a dog person myself.
- Dogs can be fun too...
...but cats do exactly what they like.
That's what I hate about them.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.
A pair of real Frisians.
There's an Asylum Seekers Centre nearby.
My God, not here too?
They can send all those Turks back
to Morocco as far as I'm concerned.
The other day someone had written
on our toilet wall:
'Foreigners, please don't leave us behind
with just the Dutch.'
Funny, eh?
Let me tell you something:
They may integrate
all the way into fucking Volendam...
...and start cake biting and sack racing,
I'll never trust them.
We'll never trust them, right, Ronnie?
Every day they piss all over my car.
They've got centuries of Islam
in their genes.
They'll never accept our values.
They shit on them.
Another beer?
I'm putting out their fires every day.
The food is really delicious.
My compliments to the cook.
That would be me, sir.
Guys, pay attention.
This is up. This is down.
Hey, watch out.
You're ruining all the new plants.
Can't get your coat off?
I'm sorry, man.
You never see women like that
in commercials.
Hips like round cheeses, full breasts.
All you see are those daddy longlegs.
While I'm sure any normal Dutch guy
would say yes to a little extra volume.
Don't you think?
But who do you see on tv recommending
deodorants and underwear and all that shit?
Those skinny daddy longlegs types.
And you know why?
I've got my own ideas about it.
Are you listening?
This whole advertising and fashion scene
is full of gays.
They're telling us what kind of women
we should like.
Buy what do they like? Boys. So what
do they give us? Girls that look like boys.
It makes sense. They're not interested
in women with ample D-cups...
You okay, Ronnie?
...maybe you should go
for the full-bodied woman too.
I think you should. Maybe
you should be glad that Mara's gone.
Stop the car.
- I'm sorry?
- Stop the car.
How are you doing?
- Fine.
- Are you?
What about Jaap?
Jaap is taking a step back, he said.
He needed a... what's the word...
- Sounds a bit eerie, I think.
- Sounds like he's splitting.
You reckon?
Ronnie, I want you to know I'm sorry
I wasn't there at the party.
Next time...
Of course I hope it won't happen
again, and I think it won't...
But should it happen again,
I will be there next time.
I'll be there.
I saw you.
When it happened.
You were dancing.
You were completely alone.
I've got some cuttings.
The North Holland Daily.
Trouw, Elsevier Magazine...
They all call you Ronnie B.
It's a kind of recognition, in a way,
an attack like that.
Look at this. Only fucking half of me.
He saved a guy's life, I swear.
He seemed to sense
what would happen.
There's more.
When we came out of the hospital...
...he took me to the toilet
at the place where the party was held.
He points to one of the panels
in the dropped ceiling...
...and says:
There's a screwdriver on top of that.
He wanted me to go and check
and it turned out he was right.
I'm telling you: He's changed completely.
...Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense
is completely different than in Die Hard.
I think something has snapped
inside of him.
He's not the old Ronnie.
He's just not the old Ronnie.
The old Ronnie
Are you moving house?
I can see why.
I'd have moved long ago.
I didn't know you had a brace, Stanley.
Did you know that?
How long have you had it?
Two years.
You've had a brace for two years
without me knowing it.
You're full of surprises this week.
Where's my money? And my pills?
Are you expecting anyone?
It's a woman. She went to a cashpoint
to get some money.
- She's taking over some stuff.
- Like what?
My fridge. This couch.
- For how much?
- 200 euros.
You're ripping me off for 250.000 euros...
...and you're hanging around here
for 200? Bullshit.
There's more than one.
Jesus, Ronnie, it's her kid.
- Marnix!
- Fuck!
What happened?
So I'm gonna have to tell James Joyce...
...that I've got an incredible cunt
working for me?
You think he's gonna buy that?
Where is the money?
And the pills?
Shut the fuck up!
There's a red butterfly
coming from your throat.
- What?
- A red butterfly coming from your throat.
Don't you touch that boy!
Stupid bitch!
Fucking bitch.
- No!
- Keep his head still.
No! Ronnie, please!
Daddy's mad.
Send this video to James Joyce.
Any prawn crackers left?
Look, it's The Persuaders.
Tony and Roger are each
involved in lots of action:
Car chases, fights, hot chicks...
You'd think they'd have plenty
to catch up on when they meet.
But they never do.
Funny kind of friends.
They're not friends at all.
They're colleagues.
You never tell me anything either.
Does that make us colleagues?
You know what film
Tony Curtis was good in?
The Boston Strangler.
- You know a lot about movies, don't you.
- I appreciate good cinema, yes.
So why are you in the protection business?
For the money and the fun.
That thing this afternoon, for instance...
...will keep me going for months.
- Is that right?
- Yes.
That's quite a hefty book you've got.
Car mechanics.
- I know everything about cars.
- This book is hardly up to date.
- This is a very good book.
- Sure.
But these days cars are full of digital shit.
That's not in your book, I'm sure.
Basics never change.
One day I will own a garage.
The other day
one of these red lights started flashing.
I pressed the Info button
and the display said: Go to a garage.
You know what was wrong?
The oil filter needed replacing.
I could have fixed it with a screwdriver
and a 10 euro filter.
Now they charged me 270 euros.
I used to work at my father's garage.
- I bet he's a millionaire now.
- No, he's not.
My father is dead.
Chop, chop, chop.
Mr. Yondo.
I'll wait here.
The West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band.
The name says it all.
What were they?
A band from the American West Coast.
Pink Floyd were a bit more experimental.
Our future garage owner.
It's back to Dokkum.
See you next time.
754 A.D. Saint Boniface killed at Dokkum.
Titus, who was killed at Dokkum?
Saint Boniface.
He was a missionary.
Do you know what that means?
- He who brings Christ.
- That's right.
In the eight century he travelled from England
to Friesland to convert the Frisians.
Although the Frisians were heathens,
they had their own beliefs.
They believed in holy trees.
Any forest has a crooked elm
or giant oak tree that catches the eye.
The ghosts of the dead
hang in their branches.
The ghosts of the dead?
Anyway, Saint Boniface had different views.
He started chopping down trees
with a Bible in his hand.
Those Frisians were angry...
...and killed him with an axe.
In the end the Frisians
were converted, though.
Now I see.
- I understand.
- What?
Then this country
must be very orthodox.
Titus speaking.
No? All right. Bye.
My next fare has been cancelled,
so I've got a few hours to spare.
You doing anything?
What was the first thing
you understood?
In the Dutch language?
'You have no credit left
on your mobile phone.'
- Where's my book?
- I don't know.
Under your seat, perhaps?
- Where's my book? My book!
- Calm down.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Look in the back of the van.
Here's your book, Eduardo.
You okay?
Can we go into town?
Can we go into town?
What do you think?
Jesus, Ronnie, how long
is this going to go on?
What are you doing?
It's not even a blemish,
it's made that way.
- Heard from James Joyce?
- Put in a new stone. They're in the shed.
Last week Paul was watching snails
mate for hours. You know what he said?
They have perfect sex, why can't we?
They've got their own homes, I said.
How many times have I told you to squeeze
this? Do you want me to catch a disease?
Next time I'll rip out those silicone
implants and kick you out with your A-cups.
I didn't even want those breasts.
I put in the paving stone.
James Joyce...
...wants us to come by tomorrow.
That's good news, isn't it?
- Only two.
- Why?
Only two.
I'll stay down here.
And he does it all for you, Ron.
Remember Stanley
and the vacuum cleaner?
I saw you couldn't handle it.
That's not true.
That's not true. I go all the way.
I always go all the way, dammit.
All the fucking way.
Fuck off.
You too.
Daddy's tired.
Get away from that tree.
And this one...
Alright, boy.
Come, Marnix.
Don't look around.
I'm taking a fucking leak here.
You asshole.
Take it easy.
Put that thing down before it goes off.
All the misery you've caused
with your filthy paws.
...I'll be damned.
This isn't working.
Can I have a look?
I know about cars.
Are you up to this?
Going well?
Step on the gas.
Wash your hands in the kitchen.
Hi, Marnix.
I've come to wash my hands.
What are you drawing?
Open your mouth.
You're a black magician,
that's what you are.
Easy, now. Take it easy.
Mr. Bazuin. No, don't.
Calm down, Mr. Bazuin.
Calm down now.
Come here.
A little higher.
- What are you doing?
- What do you think?
If Grandma sees this...
When the rat burns, it will scream.
The other rats will hear it
and make off.
Sientje will be glad when they're gone.
Now hurry up.
Watch carefully.
- I'm here.
- There you are.
- You wanted to come along, didn't you?
- Yes.
- Want an apple?
- Yes, please.
Did this gentleman see you too?
Look at Grandma. Are you sure
it was the same gentleman?
Was he on his own?
Well, you don't have to be afraid here.
You're with Grandma and Grandpa.
They will make sure no one gets in here.
Shall I read you some more?
'Wim has gone.'
I'm coming with you.
Only fucking half of me.
Ronni B Survives Liquidation Attempt
- How's Bonnema doing?
- Sonnema.
I was wondering
if I could get something to eat.
The kitchen's closed.
There's nothing you can just
slip in the oven?
I never just slip things in ovens.
I can make you an omelette
with basil and bread.
Can I help?
- Any cooking skills?
- None.
Come on then.
Break these eggs
and put them in the bowl.
Beat them gently.
I came close to dying.
When I woke up in hospital
it was as if I...
...crawled back into a wet and sandy sock.
How do you feel now?
Like a peeled shrimp.
With no shell?
That's right.
Cut two pieces of bread.
And butter them.
A bit more generous.
Can I?
Really wonderful.
The mystery of life... hidden in the visible and tangible.
That's what I believe.
Oh no!
Why does this shit always happen to me?
You bunch of goatfuckers!
- Ronnie?
- Yeah, hi.
Shit, your cat died.
I'm about to bury it.
My condolences, I guess.
I'm sorry, but do you know
where Ronnie is?
He borrowed my bike
to go to the sea.
He said: Tell my friend not to worry.
Did he say that? Friend?
Over there.
He's up on the dike.
- It's over.
- I didn't hear anything.
I mean it's enough.
- What do you mean?
- It's finished, Sientje.
Enough? What are you talking about?
Is that what you'll tell Marnix?
Your Mum is dead
and Grandpa thought it was enough?
- Keep your voice down or he'll hear us.
- So what?
Get in the car now.
You coward.
You did it only a month ago.
That was then.
It felt like destiny then.
The very first time he left his lair,
and everybody dressed in white.
But he survived.
That's when the doubts came.
It's not about this man.
It's not about this man.
It's about us.
Saartje will never come back.
Don't touch me.
Turn around.
- I don't know you.
- I don't know you, but I know who you are.
My daughter just came to get a fridge
and a lounge suite.
- What?
- And you beat her to death.
- Me?
- And you don't even fucking know it.
Only because she defended a child.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Minne. Minne's not well.
Give me your glove.
Keep breathing.
Let go of my husband.
The resurrection of a
When I feel bad...
...I've always got my music.
It makes me feel closer to my father.
I thought I was safe here.
But now I know...
...that in the land of the Frisians...
...a tree is not a safe place.
In loving memory of Jeroen Willems