Dear Dracula (2012) Movie Script
- (CHEERFUL MUSIC)
- (BIRD CAWS)
(CHITTERS)
(GRUNTS)
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- (GRUNTS)
- (GIRL SCREAMS)
- Uh?
- (SCREAMING)
- BOY: Dracula's the coolest.
Uh?
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- (MAN LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
Whoa. Didn't see that coming.
Oh! Me neither. Ohh!
TV VOICEOVER: Presenting
the classic Dracula action figure
with hypnotic, trance-inducing
spinning eyes...
DRACULA:
You are under my spell.
Ohh!
VOICEOVER: .. victim-ready
spring-loaded fangs
and life-like coffin made
from real Transylvanian wood.
- Not made from real wood.
- Don't be frightened.
(LAUGHS)
Hypnotic spinning eyes?
Spring-loaded fangs?
Oh, I gotta have that.
Grams, Grams, did you see that?
Did you?
Without fangs, Sam -
I can't understand
a thing you're saying.
(SQUEAKS)
- Did you see that?
- Oh, I saw it, alright.
That's the creepiest doll
I've ever seen.
Doll? Doll... It's not a doll.
It's the greatest, most scariest
action figure ever.
It even comes
with a life-like coffin.
Oh! That's awfully morbid,
if you ask me.
- Well?
- Well what, dear?
Can I get one? Can I? Can I?
Oh, please.
Oh, no. Christmas is just
a few months away.
So why don't you write
Santa Claus a nice letter
and ask him
for this Dracula doll?
Action figure.
Of course. Action figure.
Hey, Webber.
(CHITTERS)
Christmas is so far away.
(CHITTERS)
But Halloween
is just around the corner.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Dear Dracula,
I am your biggest fan.
- (THUNDER ROARS)
- (SPOOKY, DRAMATIC MUSIC)
- (GASPS)
- (EERIE HOWL)
(SPOOKY WHISTLING)
Oh, yikes!
Mommy. Mommy! (WHIMPERS)
(SCREAMS)
(BAT SCREECHES)
Ohh. Almost there.
Almost there. Almost there.
(DISTANT HOWL)
(HUMS CHEERFULLY)
- Boo!
- (SCREAMS)
(LAUGHS)
Gotcha!
Ahh! Ohh!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Whoa, whoa!
(GRUNTS AND PANTS)
(SIGHS) Master,
why must you scare me so?
- Mirroe!
- (SCREAMS)
(LAUGHS) Gotcha again!
Enough, Master.
I beg you!
Oh, no! Can't hang on...
Losing grip!
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
It's a good thing
this soft chair was here
to break my fall.
(SCREAMS)
Help me! This chair is alive!
- Mirroe.
- (SCREAMS)
(WHIMPERS) No more, Master.
You're killing me.
Killing me, I tell you!
Ahh. Ah, you're too kind,
Mirroe.
Whatever do you mean, Master?
Ah, what's the use?
I've lost it.
Nobody's scared of Count Dracula
anymore.
Bite your tongue, Master.
The mere mention of your name
still makes some people
quiver in their boots.
If they're wearing boots,
that is.
Whatever their chosen footwear,
they quake when they hear...
(SINISTER VOICE)
..Count Dracula!
(THUNDER BOOMS)
SOME people -
that's the problem, Mirroe.
There was a time
when everyone would shudder
when my name was spoken.
But today the younger generation
don't find me scary.
Nonsense, Master.
No, it's true!
Today the young ones
are more afraid
of faceless goons
with chainsaws
than classic monsters
such as myself,
the werewolf and the mummy.
I've got to be honest,
I never really found the mummy
all that scary.
(SIGHS) Still,
those were the days, Mirroe.
Of course, Master.
- (TYRES SCREECH)
- Huh?
What was that, Mirroe?
Why, it's the mailman, Master.
Ahh! (SNIGGERS)
I am going to scare him good.
(SQUAWKS)
(MAILMAN WHIMPERS)
Mommy, Mommy... (WHIMPERS)
(LAUGHS) I'll just wait here
until the moment is right.
(TYRES SCREECH)
(TEETH CHATTER)
Easy, Gus, easy.
You can do this.
(WHIMPERS)
- Oh, gosh.
- (DOOR HANDLE SQUEAKS)
Ah! Ooh! Ah!
(GROANS)
Greetings.
(GROANS)
D-d-delivery...
(INHALES)..for C... C... C...
...Count Dracula.
- Boo!
- (SCREAMS)
- Gee!
- (TYRES SCREECH)
Ahh! Not exactly as I planned.
But still, I scared him good.
Yes, Master, you certainly did.
And, look, Master,
we have mail.
Fan mail.
Ex... cellent!
Just dump it all on the floor,
Mirroe, anywhere.
But, Master...
Ahh, I see.
(READS) "Dear Dracula..."
Who's it from, Master?
Who? Who?
What are you, an owl, Mirroe?
It is from some little boy
named Sam.
All the way from America.
Listen to this.
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Dear Dracula,
"My name is Sam
"and I am your biggest fan."
How exciting, Master.
But by 'biggest',
does this Sam mean he's a giant
or that he admires you
more than anyone else?
After me, of course. (CHUCKLES)
(GRUNTS AND CHUCKLES)
Hush, Mirroe.
Show a little respect when
Master is reading his fan mail.
Yes, Master.
(MUTTERS)
(CHAIR SCRAPES NOISILY)
Mirroe! (CLEARS THROAT)
Won't happen again.
(MUTTERS)
Whoa... whoa.
- Whoa!
- (CRASH!)
Forgive me, Master.
- Mirroe...
- (SINISTER ORGAN MUSIC)
...pack your bags.
(GASPS) But, Master,
I said sorry.
Please don't fire me.
Pull out my travel coffin
and put some fresh dirt in it.
But, wait... Uh, what?
We're going to America
to see this Sam.
Oh... Ohh!
(CHUCKLES) Yes, Master!
So, what do you think, Webber?
(GRUNTS)
- (CHITTERS)
- Yeah, you're right.
I think it needs a spider web.
Something really cool
and scary, OK?
(CHITTERS)
GIRL:
Look, it's that weirdo - Sam.
And he's talking to
his pet spider.
- Again.
- (GIRLS LAUGH)
Cut it out, Nicole.
- Hey, Sam.
- Hi.
Uh, I'm having a Halloween
party at my house tonight.
I was wondering
if you'd like to come.
Ah... I don't know, I told Grams
I'd help her
with the trick-or-treaters.
Well, I hope you can make it.
I mean, it's just across
the street.
- (GIGGLES)
- OK.
I'll think about it
and I'll talk to Grams.
- (RETCHES)
- (LAUGHS)
Eugh! What are you doing
talking to the bug whisperer?
Seriously,
that dude's beyond creepy.
He is not creepy.
He's... different.
Well, maybe you wanna stay here
and hang out with Mr Different,
but we're outta here.
- Come on.
- Webber, no!
- (GROWLS)
- (SCREAMS)
Tarantula!
(BOTH SCREAM)
Not cool, spider dude.
Definitely not cool!
(CHITTERS)
(LAUGHS) That was awesome,
little guy.
She totally deserved it.
(LAUGHS)
Listen, tell Sam he should come
to my party, OK?
- (CHITTERS)
- OK.
See you.
Webber, that was bad.
Very funny. Uh, but bad.
Well, maybe 'bad' is
the wrong word.
No, I am not going.
- Sam.
- Coming.
So will you work on the web?
Remember, cool and scary.
Oh, and happy Halloween, Webber.
Hey, Grams.
Stop it.
Not on my watch, mister.
Was that Emma I saw you
talking to out there?
Yeah.
- So, are you going?
- Going where?
Are you going to Emma's
Halloween party tonight?
Were you eavesdropping, Grams?
No, dear. I would never
eavesdrop on purpose.
I prefer to think of it
as overhearing.
And I think I overheard Emma
invite you to her party.
- So are you going?
- Uh-uh.
Oh, good, because there's
no way I could sit through
the monster movie marathon
on my own.
It's our Halloween tradition.
(SIGHS) I know, Grams. I know.
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(PLONK!)
DRACULA:
Mirroe, are we there yet?
Not yet, Master.
(GRUNTS)
(MIRROE GROANS)
(GRUNTS AND COUGHS)
(RETCHES AND COUGHS)
DRACULA: Are we there yet?
Master, we're finally there.
I...I mean here.
DRACULA: Excellent!
Now, then, take me up
to the front door
so I can make a grand entrance.
(GRUNTS AND STRAINS)
Yes, Master.
(GRUNTS REPEATEDLY)
And, Mirroe, make sure
the sunlight won't be on me -
it won't be much of an entrance
if I turn to dust
the second the coffin opens,
now, would it?
No, Master.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- (SWITCHES ON TV)
Oh, trick-or-treaters.
My, my, they start earlier
each year.
Oh, my!
(WOOD CREAKS)
Good evening, madam.
Aren't you a little old
to be trick-or-treating?
(LAUGHS) Charming.
But I am not
a trick-or-treater.
What are you selling, then?
Madam, I've travelled
a very long way.
Is this the house of Sam?
Who wants to know exactly?
- I am Count Dracula.
- (SPOOKY ORGAN MUSIC)
Well, whatever you're selling,
I'm not buying.
- Whoa!
- Ohh!
Way to dodge the vase, Master.
Ohh!
- Calm down, Granny. Calm down.
- (GRUNTS)
This is not going well.
Tell me about it, Master.
- (BOTH GRUNT)
- Ah!
Get off my property,
you hoodlums.
- No!
- Oh, Master, no. No.
We must get you
out of the sunlight.
(SIZZLING SOUND)
(GRUNTS) You leave me
no choice, Granny.
Look into my eyes.
Uh...
You're under my spell.
I am under your spell.
We are friends of Sam's,
from school.
(ZOMBIE-LIKE) In that case,
won't you please come in?
Mirroe, we're in.
(SQUAWKS)
I am Count Dracula!
Whoa!
The one and only Count Dracula
is in my living room!
On Halloween!
Oh, how cool is that?
Yes. How cool is that?
I know you wanted a toy doll,
but I brought
something better -
the real Dracula.
(DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS)
You look like you're about to
eat me.
I thought I was
the vampire here.
Close your mouth.
You're making me nervous.
(SQUAWKS)
(CLEARS THROAT) Master.
Ah. Sam, this is Mirroe.
Mirroe, this is the little boy
who wrote the letter.
Oh! Hey, Mirroe. Welcome.
Thank you, Master Sam.
A pleasure to meet you.
So, you're like the Count's
assistant or something?
Technically, I'm...
...a certified henchman.
Majored in vampire history
and ghoulage.
I don't like to toot
my own horn,
but I'm also
an accomplished gravedigger.
(GRUNTS)
DRACULA:
Mirroe, you're being modest.
He's the best.
Thank you, Master.
(ZOMBIE-LIKE)
Sam, would your friends like to watch
the monster movie marathon with us?
Guys?
Why, that sounds delightful,
Grandma.
And you're all done
throwing things, yes?
Of course, dear.
(WEBBER SQUEAKS)
Oh, Webber, I'd like you to meet
Mirroe and Count Dracula.
He's visiting me all the way
from Transylvania.
(WEBBER CHITTERS)
Soda?
They're drinks.
- (SODA CAN CREAKS)
- Ahh!
I'm so sorry.
I'll clean it up.
- (DRINK FIZZES)
- That's one way.
(STOMACH GURGLES)
(BURPS)
What was that?
Did that come from me?
(LAUGHS) That was a burp.
A monster burp.
Burps, movie marathons.
There is much to learn.
Continue your teachings,
young Sam.
(BURPS)
OK, the first movie is about
a new breed of vampires.
It's called 'Demons at Dusk'.
(GENTLE MUSIC
ON MOVIE SOUNDTRACK)
WOMAN ON TV: Oh, Edmund,
you will be mine some day.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
So what did you think, Count?
That was rubbish!
Absolute hogwash.
Vampires aren't pretty boys
that sparkle in the sun.
Real vampires burn
and crumble into dust
when exposed to daylight.
- Ha!
- OK.
But this is what scares kids
today.
Ah, that was awful.
I'm embarrassed to be a vampire
after seeing that.
What's next?
Something scary, I hope.
Oh, this one's scary, alright.
It's 'Blade Saw VII'.
Who is the monster?
Anyone I know?
Uh, he's not exactly
a real monster
like you or Frankenstein.
He's more of a deranged killer
who forces people to do
horrible things as punishment.
(SCOFFS)
Doesn't sound so scary.
(GHOULISH GROWLING)
(POWER SAW WHIRRS)
(WEBBER SQUEAKS)
MAN ON TV: There is only
one way out of here.
(SCREAMS)
(WEBBER CHATTERS)
Turn it off, Sam.
I've seen enough.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
What's wrong?
Call me old-fashioned,
but that's not scary.
(TEETH CHATTER)
Really?
(GROANS)
It's gruesome -
there's no fright,
no goose bumps,
no shivers running down
the spine.
(SIGHS)
I need some fresh air.
Master!
(DOOR OPENS)
- Sam, do something. I beg you.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
(CHILDREN CHATTER)
SAM: Count, wait up.
(CHITTERS)
DRACULA: Seriously.
Eh, what are you? I...
That's not scary.
MIRROE: Master!
- Count.
- DRACULA: Ahh.
- Sam.
- (BOTH SCREAM)
Tell me something,
what does Halloween mean
to you?
Besides the candy?
Oh, I almost forgot about that.
Mirroe, run up to that house
and get the Count's
favourite candy.
The swirly taffy?
No, bleurgh.
That stuff sticks to my fangs.
You know what I like.
But of course, Master.
Whoa! (SCREAMS)
Help me!
- Ohh!
- (CAT MIAOWS)
Ohh!
Master, Master,
look what I got.
Candy corn!
My favourite!
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes. So, what does
Halloween mean to you?
Besides the sweet, free candy.
For me, it's the thrill
of the scare.
(GRUNTS AND GULPS)
(GROWLS)
Exactly.
It's fright night, no?
So where are all the ghouls,
goblins and monsters?
Why are there so many unworthy
costumes on Halloween?
Seriously,
cowboys aren't scary.
- (DOG YAPS)
- Ahh!
A poodle dressed as ballerina
is ridiculous
but definitely not scary.
Yeah. That's a totally different
kind of scary.
And what is this?
A child hot dog with
a zigzag dollop of mustard.
Not scary.
Yeah? Well, boring old vampires
aren't scary either.
They're lame.
How dare you,
you oversized sausage?
I've been scaring people
since your
great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
- great-great-great-great...
- (YAWNS)
...great-great-great-grandfather
was in diapers.
Lame.
- (SIGHS)
- Look, Count.
Back in the day,
you were untouchable.
But there are a lot of other
scary creatures out there now.
Nonsense! I'll show you.
Sam, weren't you even
a little teensy bit frightened
when you saw Master swoop
in here?
Uh, what didn't you understand
about my letter?
I'm his biggest fan.
Did you see the fright
he gave your granny?
Master scared her so bad,
he had to put her in a trance.
- (LAUGHS)
- (HYPNOTIC WARBLE)
Don't worry, she's fine.
Don't be so delusional, Mirroe -
Grandma wasn't frightened.
She just hates
door-to-door salesmen.
You weren't scary.
(CHILDREN CHATTER AND LAUGH)
(LAUGHS)
Boo!
Bah!
Arrh!
(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
(OWL HOOTS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, these are sad times,
Master Sam.
No-one seems to find Dracula
scary anymore.
Ah! That's not true.
Dracula's the scariest creature
of all time.
Now you are the one
being delusional.
The sad truth is no-one tries
to lynch us anymore.
There are no vampire hunters
ready to stake us
around every corner.
And yours is the only fan mail
Dracula has received in years.
Aye. Is true.
It's really true.
I'm no longer the menacing
monster I once was.
Count, I think I know
what the problem is.
Your scare is wearing
a little thin.
You're still Dracula.
You were once the most fearsome
creature in the world.
You just need to believe it
so everyone else can see.
But, Sam, I'm a relic.
I'm yesterday's ghoul.
(SIGHS)
Don't worry, Count,
I'll help you get back on top.
KIDS: Trick or treat!
Here you go.
- Happy Halloween.
- (KIDS LAUGH)
Hi, Sam.
Uh, hi, Emma.
Your house looks really cool
this year.
I like the skeleton hands
coming up through the ground.
- Nice touch.
- Uh, thanks!
So, have you decided if you're
coming to my party later?
Uh, I don't know.
Your friends seem like...
you know.
Oh, don't worry about them.
Come on, it'll be fun.
And you can bring your friends.
Oh, Emma, this is the Count.
Yeah, I can see that.
Well, Count,
maybe you can hypnotise Sam
and command him
to come to my party.
Uh, I, uh...
(LAUGHS)
- I...
- (LAUGHS)
Sam, I don't understand.
You're more afraid of some kids
than you are of me,
the scariest creature
to ever roam the earth?
How can that be?
Look, everyone thinks
I'm strange.
Not everyone, apparently.
Emma seems to like you.
Yeah, but her friends think
I'm a weirdo.
Let's face it, I'll never be
one of the cool kids.
Hogwash!
(CHITTERS)
Sam, the reason people say
these things
is because they fear
what they don't know.
And they don't know you.
So change it.
Here, let's make a deal.
You help me get
my scariness back
and I'll you show people
what Sam is all about.
Deal?
Deal.
Alright, Count,
welcome to Sam's
monster-building boot camp
for vampires.
- Are you ready?
- Sir! Yes, sir!
Now, tell me what you see
when you look in the mirror.
- What?
- 'What' nothing!
Tell me what you see!
(COUNTAND MIRROE GUFFAW)
Oh.
(LAUGHS) Right.
But if you could see yourself,
you'd see that you're not
the scariest creature out there.
That changes tonight.
Yes, sir.
I can't hear you, vampire.
Sir! Yes, sir!
Sir! Yes! Sir! Master!
Uh, just the Count, Mirroe.
(STAMMERS)
Yes, Drill Sergeant Sam.
Oh, sorry, Drill Sergeant, Sam.
Forgive me, Master.
- Old habits...
- (CLATTERING)
OK, now, Count,
show me your shadow.
What do you mean?
Everyone knows vampire shadows
take on a life of their own
to amplify their scariness.
Show me your shadow, Count,
and make it scary.
Alright. But it's been a while.
(SCARY ORGAN MUSIC)
Uh?
(SAM GROWLS)
Show me your fangs.
(HISSES)
Come on, now,
my grandma's dentures
have more bite
than those little baby fangs.
Again.
- (STOPWATCH TICKS)
- OK, and vanish.
And appear!
You've gotta do better
if you're gonna terrify someone,
Count.
- Again.
- (STOPWATCH TICKS)
Vanish!
And appear!
That's more like it.
Let's put it all together now.
Show me the combo platter
of fright.
Go, Master. Go, Master.
Go! Go! Go, Master!
Ready? Set?
Vanish! Appear!
- Shadow!
- (SNARLS)
- Fangs!
- (HISSES)
- Let's change it up. Fangs!
- Arrr!
- Shadow.
- (SNARLS)
Vanish and appear!
What are you?
I'm a lean, mean
monster machine.
How do you feel?
I feel like I could devour
the whole town
with one fang tied
behind my back.
That's the Count Dracula
I know and fear.
Master's back! Master's back!
Mirroe, why don't you
check on Granny
while I have a little chat
with Sam?
My pleasure, Master.
Now, then, Sam, it's my turn.
I have much to teach you
in ways of confidence
before tonight's big soiree.
Nah, it's just a party.
And I didn't say I was going.
What? Of course you're going.
And you're going to show Emma
that you're worthy
of her friendship.
But I don't have a costume.
Don't worry, I've already
taken care of that.
What you need is a crash course
on how to fit in.
Sam, tell me what makes you you.
Well, I'm a little odd,
I suppose.
You know, like, misunderstood.
OK, I'm going to put
a different spin on that.
You say
'odd' and 'misunderstood'
where I would say
'bold' or 'independent'
and not afraid to be yourself.
- What else?
- Ah, let's see.
I'm a monster-movie geek.
OK, now turn that
into a positive.
Um, OK, I'm a...
- Classic...
- Gotcha.
Uh... I'm a classic horror movie
enthusiast?
Not bad.
Try 'aficionado' instead.
I'm a classic horror movie
aficionado.
(WONDROUS MUSIC)
- Hey!
- You see?
With a fresh perspective,
you've gone from being
a boring, alienated kid
to the most interesting guy
in the whole town.
OK, that's all great.
But what if I choke?
Huh?
Look, if worst comes to worst,
I'll tell you what to say.
But, really, Sam,
all you need to do
is sink your fangs in
and don't let go.
Show people who you really are.
Now, let's go see
about that costume.
(CHITTERS)
Oh! Thank you,
my little friend.
You're very kind.
(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
Hey, what's going on?
Here you go, Sam.
I'm not exactly sure what it is
or why I did it
but I thought you'd need this
for Emma's party.
- Now, go try it on.
- OK. Thanks!
- (KIDS SHOUTAND LAUGH)
- GIRL: Trick or treat.
Can I have some candy, please?
- (DRACULA LAUGHS)
- SAM: So what do you think?
Doesn't Sam look like
a real ghoul?
A picture of fright.
I'm so proud.
Everything is coming together
so nicely
on this Halloween eve.
KIDS: Trick or treat.
But something is missing
and I can't quite put
my finger on it.
- (CHITTERS)
- Hey, Webber.
Oh, OK.
Ready, everyone?
One, two, three!
(ELECTRICITY BUZZES)
Oh, Master, look.
Look.
Ah! Now it's Halloween.
Webber, that's the best yet.
Way to go, little buddy.
Mirroe,
you take good care of Grams
while we're at the party, OK?
But of course, Sam.
Oh, boy, fresh victims.
Boo!
(ALL SCREAM)
Mommy!
- I'm good.
- Maybe a little too good.
(KIDS SCREAM)
Scared you, didn't it? Yes?
I knew it!
(HIP-HOP STYLE) Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
The Count is back!
Mirroe, bring these delightful
trick-or-treaters some candy.
And don't be stingy.
Yes, Master.
Right away, Master.
I feel more undead
than I have in centuries.
Lookin' good, Count.
Sam, if you don't mind,
I'd like to try out my new bite.
(LAUGHS) I'll see you
at Emma's.
And remember,
sink your fangs in and...
Don't let go.
- Wish me luck.
- You won't need it, good fella.
(SQUAWKS)
(KIDS CHATTER AND LAUGH)
GIRL: I love your costume!
- It's so cool!
- BOY: Yeah.
Whoa. Cool costume, Emma.
OK, Sam, you can do this.
Just be yourself.
Like Count Dracula said.
(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
(GIRL SCREAMS) Look at you!
Wicked costume, Em. Not exactly
what we all agreed to, though.
Yeah, I know,
but that wasn't really me.
I needed to put a little
classic fright night into it.
Well, what are we waiting for, girls?
Let's get this party started!
(SISTER SQUEALS)
Sam?
Come on, Emma!
(SIGHS) Real good, Sam.
Way to sink your fangs in.
Ugh, this was a dumb idea.
I'm going home.
And where do you think
you're going?
Home.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We had a deal, Sam,
and I refuse to let you
back out now.
You're coming with me.
(LAUGHS)
(ALL CHATTER AND LAUGH)
Hey, Kirk, over here!
Cool costume.
Thanks. What are you
supposed to be?
- A vampire.
- Really?
That's the costume?
A pair of fangs? Uh...
- Just like the movies.
- (LAUGHS)
Go and talk to her.
She wants to be
your friend, Sam.
Tell her what a great party it is.
Anything.
But she's with that Kirk guy.
I'll take care of that.
When I give the signal,
you will approach Emma.
Just let me get rid of
that goon hanging around her.
Whoa!
Where'd you come from, dude?
Transylvania, of course.
Oh, Transylvania.
I hear they've got
a good football team.
(GROANS)
So, pally, tell me,
what are you supposed to me?
Duh!
I'm a vampire, dude.
What do I look like?
You look like a pretty boy
with a bad set of false teeth.
Well, that's what a vampire is.
What?! How insulting!
Vampires
are terrifying creatures
that strike fear in the hearts
of puny humans like you.
Whatever.
'Whatever'?
I'll give you 'whatever'.
Look into my eyes,
you silly vampire wannabe.
For the rest of the night,
I want you to dance around
and cluck like a chicken.
Understood?
(ZOMBIE-LIKE)
Dude, I will so dance around
and cluck like a chicken.
Excellent.
Now, go on.
(CLUCKS)
Oh, no, you don't, bug boy.
Emma doesn't need to be
creeped out by you, you weirdo.
Come on!
- (HISSES AND SNARLS)
- (SCREAMS)
Tarantula!
Ahhhh!
(LAUGHS)
Hey, Web, thanks again.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Hi, Emma.
Sam? Is that you?
- Uh-huh.
- You made it!
- Wow! Great costume.
- You too.
It looks like we both had
the same idea.
Yeah. I guess so.
I, uh... I... uh...
What is it, Sam?
Uh, I just wanted to say...
Come on, Sam, you can do it.
Show Emma your fangs.
Are you OK, Sam?
Sam, you might start
by saying to Emma
that, "You throw
one mean shindig."
Might I start by saying that
you throw one mean shindig.
(CHUCKLES)
Nobody says 'shindig' anymore.
Oh, I can't do it.
Not like this.
Look, Emma,
I wanted to say thank you
for inviting me to your party.
I know everyone thinks
I'm strange and a little creepy,
but I'm not.
Nice.
I don't think
you're creepy, Sam.
I think you're, uh... you.
You know, not afraid
to be yourself.
That's cool.
- You really think?
- Yeah, I do.
Hey, do you want to check out
the dance floor?
- Cool!
- It's in the backyard.
We have a DJ and everything.
(CLUCKS)
See, now, that's weird.
(SNIFFLES)
They grow up so quickly.
(LAUGHS)
Now it's time to sink my fangs
into Halloween!
- GIRL: Whoo-hoo!
- (LAUGHTER)
I can't believe you love
horror movies too.
Yeah,
most people think it's weird
for a girl
to like horror films.
(CLUCKS)
There's just something
about the classics.
And it doesn't bother you
that my best friend's a spider?
(WEBBER CHITTERS)
Well, that is a little...
- Uh, I just...
- (LAUGHS) I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I think spiders rock.
(WHOOSH!)
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's time to announce our winners
for best costume.
For craziest costume and
staying in character all night,
the winner is Kirk.
- (CLUCKS)
- (OTHERS CHEER)
(SCOFFS) If it wasn't for me,
that chicken guy would've won
for lamest vampire costume.
And because it's Halloween,
the scariest costume
of the party
goes to the guy dressed as
that old-school vampire.
- No way!
- (APPLAUSE)
Show yourself, Count.
Who's got his bite back?
Count Dracula, that's who.
Hmm, I must make
a grand entrance.
Oh!
This is too good.
Has anyone seen
that classic vampire?
- Anyone?
- (DOOR CREAKS)
(BOOM!)
(SCARY CHORAL MUSIC)
Sam, look, it's the Count.
Look into my eyes, people.
You cannot escape
my hypnotic trance.
You're more frightened
than you've ever been.
Behold the scariest creature
to ever walk the earth,
I am Count Dracula!
(THUNDER BOOMS)
And I command you to scream!
(ALL SCREAM)
(CLUCKS)
Wait, wait, I wasn't finished.
I want you to scream,
"Happy Halloween!"
- (THUNDERCLAP)
- ALL: Happy Halloween!
This is for my good friend Sam.
Thank you, Sam.
Who is he exactly?
Just my vampire friend,
Count Dracula.
I taught him
everything he knows.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
CONTINUES)
Sam, I came here to pay you
a special visit
based on the letter you wrote.
Who knew our time together
would change my life forever?
You have inspired me to be
the very best vampire I can be.
Thank you for helping me
be proud of who I am.
Happy to help, Count.
And thanks for helping me.
So, what are you gonna do now?
Now I'm going to return home
to Transylvania.
It seems word travels fast.
Master's been invited
to Frankenstein's
for an exclusive monster party
at the mortuary.
It's been years since anyone
has invited me
to a 'morguesbord'.
(CAR HORN TOOTS)
Do you want me to help you
with your coffin?
The coffin? No, keep it.
You never know
when I'll be back.
Mirroe, why don't you take
the cab?
Yes, Master.
It's such a nice night -
I think I'll fly.
Goodbye, Sam, Emma,
little Webber and Grandma.
- Hey, what about Grams?
- (WEBBER CHITTERS)
She'll be fine
in a few minutes. Trust me.
(LAUGHS)
Well, I mustn't keep Master waiting.
Sam, I will miss you.
I will miss you all.
Now if I can just get the...
Ohh!
Farewell.
- 'Bye.
- 'Bye.
Oh, my! Where am I?
What's going on?
Grandma, you missed it.
You missed it all.
Count Dracula just left
with his henchman, Mirroe.
Oh, Sam,
you and your horror stories.
No, really, this was
the best Halloween ever.
- What... It's over?
- I'm afraid so.
The last thing I remember
was a knock at the door
and then that spooky
coffin salesman.
Did you go to Emma's party?
I sure did. It was the best.
(CHUCKLES)
Grams, can Emma come over
tomorrow
and watch the rest of
the monster movie marathon with us?
But of course, dear.
(BOTH LAUGH)
- You're it! (LAUGHS)
- Ah! Dang it!
- Gotcha!
- Oh, Sam, you got me.
- (LAUGHS)
- I'm gonna get you this time.
- You can't catch me.
- Run!
- (LAUGHS)
- OK.
(QUIRKY HORROR MUSIC)
- (BIRD CAWS)
(CHITTERS)
(GRUNTS)
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- (GRUNTS)
- (GIRL SCREAMS)
- Uh?
- (SCREAMING)
- BOY: Dracula's the coolest.
Uh?
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- (MAN LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
Whoa. Didn't see that coming.
Oh! Me neither. Ohh!
TV VOICEOVER: Presenting
the classic Dracula action figure
with hypnotic, trance-inducing
spinning eyes...
DRACULA:
You are under my spell.
Ohh!
VOICEOVER: .. victim-ready
spring-loaded fangs
and life-like coffin made
from real Transylvanian wood.
- Not made from real wood.
- Don't be frightened.
(LAUGHS)
Hypnotic spinning eyes?
Spring-loaded fangs?
Oh, I gotta have that.
Grams, Grams, did you see that?
Did you?
Without fangs, Sam -
I can't understand
a thing you're saying.
(SQUEAKS)
- Did you see that?
- Oh, I saw it, alright.
That's the creepiest doll
I've ever seen.
Doll? Doll... It's not a doll.
It's the greatest, most scariest
action figure ever.
It even comes
with a life-like coffin.
Oh! That's awfully morbid,
if you ask me.
- Well?
- Well what, dear?
Can I get one? Can I? Can I?
Oh, please.
Oh, no. Christmas is just
a few months away.
So why don't you write
Santa Claus a nice letter
and ask him
for this Dracula doll?
Action figure.
Of course. Action figure.
Hey, Webber.
(CHITTERS)
Christmas is so far away.
(CHITTERS)
But Halloween
is just around the corner.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Dear Dracula,
I am your biggest fan.
- (THUNDER ROARS)
- (SPOOKY, DRAMATIC MUSIC)
- (GASPS)
- (EERIE HOWL)
(SPOOKY WHISTLING)
Oh, yikes!
Mommy. Mommy! (WHIMPERS)
(SCREAMS)
(BAT SCREECHES)
Ohh. Almost there.
Almost there. Almost there.
(DISTANT HOWL)
(HUMS CHEERFULLY)
- Boo!
- (SCREAMS)
(LAUGHS)
Gotcha!
Ahh! Ohh!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Whoa, whoa!
(GRUNTS AND PANTS)
(SIGHS) Master,
why must you scare me so?
- Mirroe!
- (SCREAMS)
(LAUGHS) Gotcha again!
Enough, Master.
I beg you!
Oh, no! Can't hang on...
Losing grip!
(SCREAMS AND GROANS)
It's a good thing
this soft chair was here
to break my fall.
(SCREAMS)
Help me! This chair is alive!
- Mirroe.
- (SCREAMS)
(WHIMPERS) No more, Master.
You're killing me.
Killing me, I tell you!
Ahh. Ah, you're too kind,
Mirroe.
Whatever do you mean, Master?
Ah, what's the use?
I've lost it.
Nobody's scared of Count Dracula
anymore.
Bite your tongue, Master.
The mere mention of your name
still makes some people
quiver in their boots.
If they're wearing boots,
that is.
Whatever their chosen footwear,
they quake when they hear...
(SINISTER VOICE)
..Count Dracula!
(THUNDER BOOMS)
SOME people -
that's the problem, Mirroe.
There was a time
when everyone would shudder
when my name was spoken.
But today the younger generation
don't find me scary.
Nonsense, Master.
No, it's true!
Today the young ones
are more afraid
of faceless goons
with chainsaws
than classic monsters
such as myself,
the werewolf and the mummy.
I've got to be honest,
I never really found the mummy
all that scary.
(SIGHS) Still,
those were the days, Mirroe.
Of course, Master.
- (TYRES SCREECH)
- Huh?
What was that, Mirroe?
Why, it's the mailman, Master.
Ahh! (SNIGGERS)
I am going to scare him good.
(SQUAWKS)
(MAILMAN WHIMPERS)
Mommy, Mommy... (WHIMPERS)
(LAUGHS) I'll just wait here
until the moment is right.
(TYRES SCREECH)
(TEETH CHATTER)
Easy, Gus, easy.
You can do this.
(WHIMPERS)
- Oh, gosh.
- (DOOR HANDLE SQUEAKS)
Ah! Ooh! Ah!
(GROANS)
Greetings.
(GROANS)
D-d-delivery...
(INHALES)..for C... C... C...
...Count Dracula.
- Boo!
- (SCREAMS)
- Gee!
- (TYRES SCREECH)
Ahh! Not exactly as I planned.
But still, I scared him good.
Yes, Master, you certainly did.
And, look, Master,
we have mail.
Fan mail.
Ex... cellent!
Just dump it all on the floor,
Mirroe, anywhere.
But, Master...
Ahh, I see.
(READS) "Dear Dracula..."
Who's it from, Master?
Who? Who?
What are you, an owl, Mirroe?
It is from some little boy
named Sam.
All the way from America.
Listen to this.
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Dear Dracula,
"My name is Sam
"and I am your biggest fan."
How exciting, Master.
But by 'biggest',
does this Sam mean he's a giant
or that he admires you
more than anyone else?
After me, of course. (CHUCKLES)
(GRUNTS AND CHUCKLES)
Hush, Mirroe.
Show a little respect when
Master is reading his fan mail.
Yes, Master.
(MUTTERS)
(CHAIR SCRAPES NOISILY)
Mirroe! (CLEARS THROAT)
Won't happen again.
(MUTTERS)
Whoa... whoa.
- Whoa!
- (CRASH!)
Forgive me, Master.
- Mirroe...
- (SINISTER ORGAN MUSIC)
...pack your bags.
(GASPS) But, Master,
I said sorry.
Please don't fire me.
Pull out my travel coffin
and put some fresh dirt in it.
But, wait... Uh, what?
We're going to America
to see this Sam.
Oh... Ohh!
(CHUCKLES) Yes, Master!
So, what do you think, Webber?
(GRUNTS)
- (CHITTERS)
- Yeah, you're right.
I think it needs a spider web.
Something really cool
and scary, OK?
(CHITTERS)
GIRL:
Look, it's that weirdo - Sam.
And he's talking to
his pet spider.
- Again.
- (GIRLS LAUGH)
Cut it out, Nicole.
- Hey, Sam.
- Hi.
Uh, I'm having a Halloween
party at my house tonight.
I was wondering
if you'd like to come.
Ah... I don't know, I told Grams
I'd help her
with the trick-or-treaters.
Well, I hope you can make it.
I mean, it's just across
the street.
- (GIGGLES)
- OK.
I'll think about it
and I'll talk to Grams.
- (RETCHES)
- (LAUGHS)
Eugh! What are you doing
talking to the bug whisperer?
Seriously,
that dude's beyond creepy.
He is not creepy.
He's... different.
Well, maybe you wanna stay here
and hang out with Mr Different,
but we're outta here.
- Come on.
- Webber, no!
- (GROWLS)
- (SCREAMS)
Tarantula!
(BOTH SCREAM)
Not cool, spider dude.
Definitely not cool!
(CHITTERS)
(LAUGHS) That was awesome,
little guy.
She totally deserved it.
(LAUGHS)
Listen, tell Sam he should come
to my party, OK?
- (CHITTERS)
- OK.
See you.
Webber, that was bad.
Very funny. Uh, but bad.
Well, maybe 'bad' is
the wrong word.
No, I am not going.
- Sam.
- Coming.
So will you work on the web?
Remember, cool and scary.
Oh, and happy Halloween, Webber.
Hey, Grams.
Stop it.
Not on my watch, mister.
Was that Emma I saw you
talking to out there?
Yeah.
- So, are you going?
- Going where?
Are you going to Emma's
Halloween party tonight?
Were you eavesdropping, Grams?
No, dear. I would never
eavesdrop on purpose.
I prefer to think of it
as overhearing.
And I think I overheard Emma
invite you to her party.
- So are you going?
- Uh-uh.
Oh, good, because there's
no way I could sit through
the monster movie marathon
on my own.
It's our Halloween tradition.
(SIGHS) I know, Grams. I know.
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(PLONK!)
DRACULA:
Mirroe, are we there yet?
Not yet, Master.
(GRUNTS)
(MIRROE GROANS)
(GRUNTS AND COUGHS)
(RETCHES AND COUGHS)
DRACULA: Are we there yet?
Master, we're finally there.
I...I mean here.
DRACULA: Excellent!
Now, then, take me up
to the front door
so I can make a grand entrance.
(GRUNTS AND STRAINS)
Yes, Master.
(GRUNTS REPEATEDLY)
And, Mirroe, make sure
the sunlight won't be on me -
it won't be much of an entrance
if I turn to dust
the second the coffin opens,
now, would it?
No, Master.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- (SWITCHES ON TV)
Oh, trick-or-treaters.
My, my, they start earlier
each year.
Oh, my!
(WOOD CREAKS)
Good evening, madam.
Aren't you a little old
to be trick-or-treating?
(LAUGHS) Charming.
But I am not
a trick-or-treater.
What are you selling, then?
Madam, I've travelled
a very long way.
Is this the house of Sam?
Who wants to know exactly?
- I am Count Dracula.
- (SPOOKY ORGAN MUSIC)
Well, whatever you're selling,
I'm not buying.
- Whoa!
- Ohh!
Way to dodge the vase, Master.
Ohh!
- Calm down, Granny. Calm down.
- (GRUNTS)
This is not going well.
Tell me about it, Master.
- (BOTH GRUNT)
- Ah!
Get off my property,
you hoodlums.
- No!
- Oh, Master, no. No.
We must get you
out of the sunlight.
(SIZZLING SOUND)
(GRUNTS) You leave me
no choice, Granny.
Look into my eyes.
Uh...
You're under my spell.
I am under your spell.
We are friends of Sam's,
from school.
(ZOMBIE-LIKE) In that case,
won't you please come in?
Mirroe, we're in.
(SQUAWKS)
I am Count Dracula!
Whoa!
The one and only Count Dracula
is in my living room!
On Halloween!
Oh, how cool is that?
Yes. How cool is that?
I know you wanted a toy doll,
but I brought
something better -
the real Dracula.
(DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS)
You look like you're about to
eat me.
I thought I was
the vampire here.
Close your mouth.
You're making me nervous.
(SQUAWKS)
(CLEARS THROAT) Master.
Ah. Sam, this is Mirroe.
Mirroe, this is the little boy
who wrote the letter.
Oh! Hey, Mirroe. Welcome.
Thank you, Master Sam.
A pleasure to meet you.
So, you're like the Count's
assistant or something?
Technically, I'm...
...a certified henchman.
Majored in vampire history
and ghoulage.
I don't like to toot
my own horn,
but I'm also
an accomplished gravedigger.
(GRUNTS)
DRACULA:
Mirroe, you're being modest.
He's the best.
Thank you, Master.
(ZOMBIE-LIKE)
Sam, would your friends like to watch
the monster movie marathon with us?
Guys?
Why, that sounds delightful,
Grandma.
And you're all done
throwing things, yes?
Of course, dear.
(WEBBER SQUEAKS)
Oh, Webber, I'd like you to meet
Mirroe and Count Dracula.
He's visiting me all the way
from Transylvania.
(WEBBER CHITTERS)
Soda?
They're drinks.
- (SODA CAN CREAKS)
- Ahh!
I'm so sorry.
I'll clean it up.
- (DRINK FIZZES)
- That's one way.
(STOMACH GURGLES)
(BURPS)
What was that?
Did that come from me?
(LAUGHS) That was a burp.
A monster burp.
Burps, movie marathons.
There is much to learn.
Continue your teachings,
young Sam.
(BURPS)
OK, the first movie is about
a new breed of vampires.
It's called 'Demons at Dusk'.
(GENTLE MUSIC
ON MOVIE SOUNDTRACK)
WOMAN ON TV: Oh, Edmund,
you will be mine some day.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
So what did you think, Count?
That was rubbish!
Absolute hogwash.
Vampires aren't pretty boys
that sparkle in the sun.
Real vampires burn
and crumble into dust
when exposed to daylight.
- Ha!
- OK.
But this is what scares kids
today.
Ah, that was awful.
I'm embarrassed to be a vampire
after seeing that.
What's next?
Something scary, I hope.
Oh, this one's scary, alright.
It's 'Blade Saw VII'.
Who is the monster?
Anyone I know?
Uh, he's not exactly
a real monster
like you or Frankenstein.
He's more of a deranged killer
who forces people to do
horrible things as punishment.
(SCOFFS)
Doesn't sound so scary.
(GHOULISH GROWLING)
(POWER SAW WHIRRS)
(WEBBER SQUEAKS)
MAN ON TV: There is only
one way out of here.
(SCREAMS)
(WEBBER CHATTERS)
Turn it off, Sam.
I've seen enough.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
What's wrong?
Call me old-fashioned,
but that's not scary.
(TEETH CHATTER)
Really?
(GROANS)
It's gruesome -
there's no fright,
no goose bumps,
no shivers running down
the spine.
(SIGHS)
I need some fresh air.
Master!
(DOOR OPENS)
- Sam, do something. I beg you.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
(CHILDREN CHATTER)
SAM: Count, wait up.
(CHITTERS)
DRACULA: Seriously.
Eh, what are you? I...
That's not scary.
MIRROE: Master!
- Count.
- DRACULA: Ahh.
- Sam.
- (BOTH SCREAM)
Tell me something,
what does Halloween mean
to you?
Besides the candy?
Oh, I almost forgot about that.
Mirroe, run up to that house
and get the Count's
favourite candy.
The swirly taffy?
No, bleurgh.
That stuff sticks to my fangs.
You know what I like.
But of course, Master.
Whoa! (SCREAMS)
Help me!
- Ohh!
- (CAT MIAOWS)
Ohh!
Master, Master,
look what I got.
Candy corn!
My favourite!
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes. So, what does
Halloween mean to you?
Besides the sweet, free candy.
For me, it's the thrill
of the scare.
(GRUNTS AND GULPS)
(GROWLS)
Exactly.
It's fright night, no?
So where are all the ghouls,
goblins and monsters?
Why are there so many unworthy
costumes on Halloween?
Seriously,
cowboys aren't scary.
- (DOG YAPS)
- Ahh!
A poodle dressed as ballerina
is ridiculous
but definitely not scary.
Yeah. That's a totally different
kind of scary.
And what is this?
A child hot dog with
a zigzag dollop of mustard.
Not scary.
Yeah? Well, boring old vampires
aren't scary either.
They're lame.
How dare you,
you oversized sausage?
I've been scaring people
since your
great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
- great-great-great-great...
- (YAWNS)
...great-great-great-grandfather
was in diapers.
Lame.
- (SIGHS)
- Look, Count.
Back in the day,
you were untouchable.
But there are a lot of other
scary creatures out there now.
Nonsense! I'll show you.
Sam, weren't you even
a little teensy bit frightened
when you saw Master swoop
in here?
Uh, what didn't you understand
about my letter?
I'm his biggest fan.
Did you see the fright
he gave your granny?
Master scared her so bad,
he had to put her in a trance.
- (LAUGHS)
- (HYPNOTIC WARBLE)
Don't worry, she's fine.
Don't be so delusional, Mirroe -
Grandma wasn't frightened.
She just hates
door-to-door salesmen.
You weren't scary.
(CHILDREN CHATTER AND LAUGH)
(LAUGHS)
Boo!
Bah!
Arrh!
(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
(OWL HOOTS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, these are sad times,
Master Sam.
No-one seems to find Dracula
scary anymore.
Ah! That's not true.
Dracula's the scariest creature
of all time.
Now you are the one
being delusional.
The sad truth is no-one tries
to lynch us anymore.
There are no vampire hunters
ready to stake us
around every corner.
And yours is the only fan mail
Dracula has received in years.
Aye. Is true.
It's really true.
I'm no longer the menacing
monster I once was.
Count, I think I know
what the problem is.
Your scare is wearing
a little thin.
You're still Dracula.
You were once the most fearsome
creature in the world.
You just need to believe it
so everyone else can see.
But, Sam, I'm a relic.
I'm yesterday's ghoul.
(SIGHS)
Don't worry, Count,
I'll help you get back on top.
KIDS: Trick or treat!
Here you go.
- Happy Halloween.
- (KIDS LAUGH)
Hi, Sam.
Uh, hi, Emma.
Your house looks really cool
this year.
I like the skeleton hands
coming up through the ground.
- Nice touch.
- Uh, thanks!
So, have you decided if you're
coming to my party later?
Uh, I don't know.
Your friends seem like...
you know.
Oh, don't worry about them.
Come on, it'll be fun.
And you can bring your friends.
Oh, Emma, this is the Count.
Yeah, I can see that.
Well, Count,
maybe you can hypnotise Sam
and command him
to come to my party.
Uh, I, uh...
(LAUGHS)
- I...
- (LAUGHS)
Sam, I don't understand.
You're more afraid of some kids
than you are of me,
the scariest creature
to ever roam the earth?
How can that be?
Look, everyone thinks
I'm strange.
Not everyone, apparently.
Emma seems to like you.
Yeah, but her friends think
I'm a weirdo.
Let's face it, I'll never be
one of the cool kids.
Hogwash!
(CHITTERS)
Sam, the reason people say
these things
is because they fear
what they don't know.
And they don't know you.
So change it.
Here, let's make a deal.
You help me get
my scariness back
and I'll you show people
what Sam is all about.
Deal?
Deal.
Alright, Count,
welcome to Sam's
monster-building boot camp
for vampires.
- Are you ready?
- Sir! Yes, sir!
Now, tell me what you see
when you look in the mirror.
- What?
- 'What' nothing!
Tell me what you see!
(COUNTAND MIRROE GUFFAW)
Oh.
(LAUGHS) Right.
But if you could see yourself,
you'd see that you're not
the scariest creature out there.
That changes tonight.
Yes, sir.
I can't hear you, vampire.
Sir! Yes, sir!
Sir! Yes! Sir! Master!
Uh, just the Count, Mirroe.
(STAMMERS)
Yes, Drill Sergeant Sam.
Oh, sorry, Drill Sergeant, Sam.
Forgive me, Master.
- Old habits...
- (CLATTERING)
OK, now, Count,
show me your shadow.
What do you mean?
Everyone knows vampire shadows
take on a life of their own
to amplify their scariness.
Show me your shadow, Count,
and make it scary.
Alright. But it's been a while.
(SCARY ORGAN MUSIC)
Uh?
(SAM GROWLS)
Show me your fangs.
(HISSES)
Come on, now,
my grandma's dentures
have more bite
than those little baby fangs.
Again.
- (STOPWATCH TICKS)
- OK, and vanish.
And appear!
You've gotta do better
if you're gonna terrify someone,
Count.
- Again.
- (STOPWATCH TICKS)
Vanish!
And appear!
That's more like it.
Let's put it all together now.
Show me the combo platter
of fright.
Go, Master. Go, Master.
Go! Go! Go, Master!
Ready? Set?
Vanish! Appear!
- Shadow!
- (SNARLS)
- Fangs!
- (HISSES)
- Let's change it up. Fangs!
- Arrr!
- Shadow.
- (SNARLS)
Vanish and appear!
What are you?
I'm a lean, mean
monster machine.
How do you feel?
I feel like I could devour
the whole town
with one fang tied
behind my back.
That's the Count Dracula
I know and fear.
Master's back! Master's back!
Mirroe, why don't you
check on Granny
while I have a little chat
with Sam?
My pleasure, Master.
Now, then, Sam, it's my turn.
I have much to teach you
in ways of confidence
before tonight's big soiree.
Nah, it's just a party.
And I didn't say I was going.
What? Of course you're going.
And you're going to show Emma
that you're worthy
of her friendship.
But I don't have a costume.
Don't worry, I've already
taken care of that.
What you need is a crash course
on how to fit in.
Sam, tell me what makes you you.
Well, I'm a little odd,
I suppose.
You know, like, misunderstood.
OK, I'm going to put
a different spin on that.
You say
'odd' and 'misunderstood'
where I would say
'bold' or 'independent'
and not afraid to be yourself.
- What else?
- Ah, let's see.
I'm a monster-movie geek.
OK, now turn that
into a positive.
Um, OK, I'm a...
- Classic...
- Gotcha.
Uh... I'm a classic horror movie
enthusiast?
Not bad.
Try 'aficionado' instead.
I'm a classic horror movie
aficionado.
(WONDROUS MUSIC)
- Hey!
- You see?
With a fresh perspective,
you've gone from being
a boring, alienated kid
to the most interesting guy
in the whole town.
OK, that's all great.
But what if I choke?
Huh?
Look, if worst comes to worst,
I'll tell you what to say.
But, really, Sam,
all you need to do
is sink your fangs in
and don't let go.
Show people who you really are.
Now, let's go see
about that costume.
(CHITTERS)
Oh! Thank you,
my little friend.
You're very kind.
(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
Hey, what's going on?
Here you go, Sam.
I'm not exactly sure what it is
or why I did it
but I thought you'd need this
for Emma's party.
- Now, go try it on.
- OK. Thanks!
- (KIDS SHOUTAND LAUGH)
- GIRL: Trick or treat.
Can I have some candy, please?
- (DRACULA LAUGHS)
- SAM: So what do you think?
Doesn't Sam look like
a real ghoul?
A picture of fright.
I'm so proud.
Everything is coming together
so nicely
on this Halloween eve.
KIDS: Trick or treat.
But something is missing
and I can't quite put
my finger on it.
- (CHITTERS)
- Hey, Webber.
Oh, OK.
Ready, everyone?
One, two, three!
(ELECTRICITY BUZZES)
Oh, Master, look.
Look.
Ah! Now it's Halloween.
Webber, that's the best yet.
Way to go, little buddy.
Mirroe,
you take good care of Grams
while we're at the party, OK?
But of course, Sam.
Oh, boy, fresh victims.
Boo!
(ALL SCREAM)
Mommy!
- I'm good.
- Maybe a little too good.
(KIDS SCREAM)
Scared you, didn't it? Yes?
I knew it!
(HIP-HOP STYLE) Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
The Count is back!
Mirroe, bring these delightful
trick-or-treaters some candy.
And don't be stingy.
Yes, Master.
Right away, Master.
I feel more undead
than I have in centuries.
Lookin' good, Count.
Sam, if you don't mind,
I'd like to try out my new bite.
(LAUGHS) I'll see you
at Emma's.
And remember,
sink your fangs in and...
Don't let go.
- Wish me luck.
- You won't need it, good fella.
(SQUAWKS)
(KIDS CHATTER AND LAUGH)
GIRL: I love your costume!
- It's so cool!
- BOY: Yeah.
Whoa. Cool costume, Emma.
OK, Sam, you can do this.
Just be yourself.
Like Count Dracula said.
(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
(GIRL SCREAMS) Look at you!
Wicked costume, Em. Not exactly
what we all agreed to, though.
Yeah, I know,
but that wasn't really me.
I needed to put a little
classic fright night into it.
Well, what are we waiting for, girls?
Let's get this party started!
(SISTER SQUEALS)
Sam?
Come on, Emma!
(SIGHS) Real good, Sam.
Way to sink your fangs in.
Ugh, this was a dumb idea.
I'm going home.
And where do you think
you're going?
Home.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We had a deal, Sam,
and I refuse to let you
back out now.
You're coming with me.
(LAUGHS)
(ALL CHATTER AND LAUGH)
Hey, Kirk, over here!
Cool costume.
Thanks. What are you
supposed to be?
- A vampire.
- Really?
That's the costume?
A pair of fangs? Uh...
- Just like the movies.
- (LAUGHS)
Go and talk to her.
She wants to be
your friend, Sam.
Tell her what a great party it is.
Anything.
But she's with that Kirk guy.
I'll take care of that.
When I give the signal,
you will approach Emma.
Just let me get rid of
that goon hanging around her.
Whoa!
Where'd you come from, dude?
Transylvania, of course.
Oh, Transylvania.
I hear they've got
a good football team.
(GROANS)
So, pally, tell me,
what are you supposed to me?
Duh!
I'm a vampire, dude.
What do I look like?
You look like a pretty boy
with a bad set of false teeth.
Well, that's what a vampire is.
What?! How insulting!
Vampires
are terrifying creatures
that strike fear in the hearts
of puny humans like you.
Whatever.
'Whatever'?
I'll give you 'whatever'.
Look into my eyes,
you silly vampire wannabe.
For the rest of the night,
I want you to dance around
and cluck like a chicken.
Understood?
(ZOMBIE-LIKE)
Dude, I will so dance around
and cluck like a chicken.
Excellent.
Now, go on.
(CLUCKS)
Oh, no, you don't, bug boy.
Emma doesn't need to be
creeped out by you, you weirdo.
Come on!
- (HISSES AND SNARLS)
- (SCREAMS)
Tarantula!
Ahhhh!
(LAUGHS)
Hey, Web, thanks again.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Hi, Emma.
Sam? Is that you?
- Uh-huh.
- You made it!
- Wow! Great costume.
- You too.
It looks like we both had
the same idea.
Yeah. I guess so.
I, uh... I... uh...
What is it, Sam?
Uh, I just wanted to say...
Come on, Sam, you can do it.
Show Emma your fangs.
Are you OK, Sam?
Sam, you might start
by saying to Emma
that, "You throw
one mean shindig."
Might I start by saying that
you throw one mean shindig.
(CHUCKLES)
Nobody says 'shindig' anymore.
Oh, I can't do it.
Not like this.
Look, Emma,
I wanted to say thank you
for inviting me to your party.
I know everyone thinks
I'm strange and a little creepy,
but I'm not.
Nice.
I don't think
you're creepy, Sam.
I think you're, uh... you.
You know, not afraid
to be yourself.
That's cool.
- You really think?
- Yeah, I do.
Hey, do you want to check out
the dance floor?
- Cool!
- It's in the backyard.
We have a DJ and everything.
(CLUCKS)
See, now, that's weird.
(SNIFFLES)
They grow up so quickly.
(LAUGHS)
Now it's time to sink my fangs
into Halloween!
- GIRL: Whoo-hoo!
- (LAUGHTER)
I can't believe you love
horror movies too.
Yeah,
most people think it's weird
for a girl
to like horror films.
(CLUCKS)
There's just something
about the classics.
And it doesn't bother you
that my best friend's a spider?
(WEBBER CHITTERS)
Well, that is a little...
- Uh, I just...
- (LAUGHS) I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I think spiders rock.
(WHOOSH!)
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's time to announce our winners
for best costume.
For craziest costume and
staying in character all night,
the winner is Kirk.
- (CLUCKS)
- (OTHERS CHEER)
(SCOFFS) If it wasn't for me,
that chicken guy would've won
for lamest vampire costume.
And because it's Halloween,
the scariest costume
of the party
goes to the guy dressed as
that old-school vampire.
- No way!
- (APPLAUSE)
Show yourself, Count.
Who's got his bite back?
Count Dracula, that's who.
Hmm, I must make
a grand entrance.
Oh!
This is too good.
Has anyone seen
that classic vampire?
- Anyone?
- (DOOR CREAKS)
(BOOM!)
(SCARY CHORAL MUSIC)
Sam, look, it's the Count.
Look into my eyes, people.
You cannot escape
my hypnotic trance.
You're more frightened
than you've ever been.
Behold the scariest creature
to ever walk the earth,
I am Count Dracula!
(THUNDER BOOMS)
And I command you to scream!
(ALL SCREAM)
(CLUCKS)
Wait, wait, I wasn't finished.
I want you to scream,
"Happy Halloween!"
- (THUNDERCLAP)
- ALL: Happy Halloween!
This is for my good friend Sam.
Thank you, Sam.
Who is he exactly?
Just my vampire friend,
Count Dracula.
I taught him
everything he knows.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
CONTINUES)
Sam, I came here to pay you
a special visit
based on the letter you wrote.
Who knew our time together
would change my life forever?
You have inspired me to be
the very best vampire I can be.
Thank you for helping me
be proud of who I am.
Happy to help, Count.
And thanks for helping me.
So, what are you gonna do now?
Now I'm going to return home
to Transylvania.
It seems word travels fast.
Master's been invited
to Frankenstein's
for an exclusive monster party
at the mortuary.
It's been years since anyone
has invited me
to a 'morguesbord'.
(CAR HORN TOOTS)
Do you want me to help you
with your coffin?
The coffin? No, keep it.
You never know
when I'll be back.
Mirroe, why don't you take
the cab?
Yes, Master.
It's such a nice night -
I think I'll fly.
Goodbye, Sam, Emma,
little Webber and Grandma.
- Hey, what about Grams?
- (WEBBER CHITTERS)
She'll be fine
in a few minutes. Trust me.
(LAUGHS)
Well, I mustn't keep Master waiting.
Sam, I will miss you.
I will miss you all.
Now if I can just get the...
Ohh!
Farewell.
- 'Bye.
- 'Bye.
Oh, my! Where am I?
What's going on?
Grandma, you missed it.
You missed it all.
Count Dracula just left
with his henchman, Mirroe.
Oh, Sam,
you and your horror stories.
No, really, this was
the best Halloween ever.
- What... It's over?
- I'm afraid so.
The last thing I remember
was a knock at the door
and then that spooky
coffin salesman.
Did you go to Emma's party?
I sure did. It was the best.
(CHUCKLES)
Grams, can Emma come over
tomorrow
and watch the rest of
the monster movie marathon with us?
But of course, dear.
(BOTH LAUGH)
- You're it! (LAUGHS)
- Ah! Dang it!
- Gotcha!
- Oh, Sam, you got me.
- (LAUGHS)
- I'm gonna get you this time.
- You can't catch me.
- Run!
- (LAUGHS)
- OK.
(QUIRKY HORROR MUSIC)