Deathcheaters (1976) Movie Script
[thunder rumbling]
[ominous orchestral music]
[horses neighing]
[tense music]
[men shouting]
[tense music]
[all screaming]
[hooves thumping]
[horses neighing]
[people shouting]
[tense music]
[swords clanking]
[horse neighing]
[man screaming]
[swords clanking]
Send in the second wave.
[men shouting]
[flare gun firing]
[men shouting]
Julia.
[swords clanking]
Cue the screaming women.
[women screaming]
[swords clanking]
Kill! Kill!
Got a light mate?
[Rod laughing]
Cut, print.
[swords clanking]
Cut.
[swords clanking]
Cut!
[car engine revving]
Fantastic!
You've got some [foreign language].
[Rod] Yep.
Perfectly disciplined.
We have got some excellent footage.
[Rodney] Good.
Bismark wasn't too impressed.
Ah, yes. Well, he's a cultured hound.
He thinks that people who work for are living are common.
[Director] Is that the way you all think it is,
working for a living?
Yep.
[man grunts]
[all laughing]
[engine revving]
Higher
Higher
Fly high. Reach for the sky
Death cheater
You should smile, play it with style
Death cheater
Haven't you noticed how late it seems
Haven't you build your world on dreams
Didn't you gamble each moment on
Could you
be wrong
[engine revving]
[pendulum balls clanking]
Can I help?
What with?
You seem depressed.
I'm anxious. I can never bear to let the mixture stand.
I know I should but once the ingredients are in,
I'm always impatient for a taste.
Forgive the coloring illusion
but it's moments like these my mind roams to food.
Shall I send out for a sandwich?
Oh, that would be tempting.
But no, I think we'd better send for the car.
[engine revving]
Quiet everybody!
Turn over.
[Man] Anticor, 4. Take 10.
Action.
Hi.
If you can get a really clear view,
of the underside of your car,
you'd probably find the telltale signs of rust,
but not if you've protected your vehicle
with Anticor underseal compound.
Look at it like this...
[engine revving]
And you'll see what I mean.
[Man] Cut.
Look Steven,
[Steven] Yeah.
That was fine.
That was fine.
But well, to be brutally honest,
I, I, I, err, I didn't follow your motivation.
You do what to my which?
- You follow? - Yeah, sure.
You, speak the words clearly and hold up the pack,
that's all I've ever been asked to do.
Yes but, I'm asking for more.
Then you get Laurence Olivier.
[engine revving]
Steve, I don't understand your position.
Making commercials is extremely creative.
I mean, why does it matter to you
that people should buy this Anticor?
Sunshine, it doesn't matter to me if they drink it.
Exactly.
[sirens blaring] [gun shots]
Hey Steve,
[sirens blaring] [gun shots]
[car skids]
I don't like to see that sort of thing.
I don't like to see that thing and not be part of it.
That's what I meant.
[car engine revving]
Hey come back here. You can't do this to me!
I'll have you blacklisted! You'll never work again!
Would you like more money?
[soft music] [jeep engine revving]
You all right.
I'm all right.
What are you doing?
Being motivated.
[car engine revving]
Base.
This is Hilda Handcuff.
The pickup is confirmed.
[upbeat music]
You think he's trying to tell us something?
[gun shot fires]
That's dangerous.
[upbeat music continues]
[gun shot fires]
[cars bumping]
[car skidding]
[cars bumping]
[car skidding]
[car skidding]
[cars braking] [car skidding]
[cars colliding]
[car skidding]
There goes you no claim bonus.
I'm not insured.
[upbeat music continues]
[car hitting car door]
[cars bumping]
[cars crashing]
[car engine revving]
[car skidding]
Would you like a few kidneys for the dog?
'Ere, what do you think you're doing?
Hey, there's a queue you know?
[upbeat music continues]
[car screeching]
[windshield breaking]
[upbeat music]
[engines revving. Tires squealing]
[cars crashing]
Cover him, Rod. Come on. On your feet.
You got a bit of explaining to do, mate.
You can't just steal meat and not pay for it.
Oh, it's not as bad as it seems, mate.
Hey. It's the two of them, sergeant. Arrest them.
They stole my meat.
And that one's with them as well.
You okay?
Yeah.
You all right?
Don't tell me. Batman and Robin, huh?
Well, we were just passing, Sarge.
Incidentally, you owe this gentlemen for a leg of lamb.
Hey?
Look, what's going on here?
These men are wanted by the police.
Yeah, I picked this one for a wrong one
as soon as he walked in the shop.
Not them, them!
[soft music]
Yeah, them.
Thanks for your efforts anyway.
It broke the monotony.
Yeah, life gets tedious, huh?
Not really. Does the old bus
good to give her a run every now and then.
Burns off the gunge.
I guess it does.
I assume they're not wanted for double parking.
No, a bank job.
Merchant security down in the city.
How was their score?
Nothing.
They tripped the alarm, shoved the staff in the vault,
spun the tumblers and off like smoke. Lovely.
Lovely.
I've got to wait for the general manager
to get back from Melbourne so I can get them out.
How'd the thieves get in?
Chief Clark's got a key.
Well, there you go then.
Chief Clark's inside the vault.
Oh, good luck then.
I don't need a good luck.
It's the people inside the vault need that,
but I got an air hose in there and soon they'll suffocate.
What are we waiting for?
Let's go.
[engine revving]
[tense music]
Very good of you blokes to offer the help
I'm sure you mean well.
As Adam Dunphy told you
the only way of introducing an air line is
by the external wall.
All the interior walls are fully steel reinforced.
The external isn't.
I'm sure you can see why.
Yes.
Now, is there a plan of the building
showing the location of the vault?
Yes. This is Mr. Langham, the building manager.
- How do you do? - How do you do?
Mr. Langham, could you show me where the vault is?
Certainly. [paper ruffling]
Here we are.
[footsteps pattering]
I know, sir.
Hardly worth bringing a car into the city anymore.
[engine revving]
- Got a plan? - You've been booked.
What's that?
Done for parking; contrary to notice.
Not my department.
What do you think of that?
Not strong on it.
We've got a plan?
Certainly have.
Good, tell the Sergeant what our plan is?
Not gonna pay your bloody fine.
[car door opens] [upbeat music]
Hope they can hold their breath.
It's not the fastest way down.
[tense music]
How much further, Steve?
[Steve] Ah, you've got about another six foot.
That the mark?
[Steve] Yeah, that's about it.
Righto. Hold me there.
[tense music]
[drill whirring]
[tense music]
[drill whirring]
[tense music]
Ready for the airline?
Yep, send it down now.
Bring up the airline.
[machine vibrating]
Here she comes.
[soft music]
[machine vibrating]
[soft music]
[Rod] Right.
Air line's through.
Magnificent, let me shake you by the hand.
[Rod screaming]
[tense music]
[door opens]
I believe relief is at hand.
[man laughs]
There you are Bruce.
[water bubbling]
[man laughs]
[smooth music]
[both kissing]
[smooth music]
Well?
Well, what?
Anything in the paper?
I wasn't looking.
You've been studying the morning paper to see if--
I have not.
You're arrogant and you're conceited
and that's exactly why--
I just thought a reference would be good for business.
And was there a reference?
[Steve] No.
You did look?
Oh, a glance. You know, just a glance.
Ha!
Ha, it's very meaningful that is.
Would it have been good for business
if you've been shot dead?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh, is worse than ha?
That's what's getting at you, is it?
That I could've been shot dead.
Yes, it's terribly orthodox of me, isn't it?
Well, I wasn't shot dead.
You didn't make the papers either.
[wheels whirring]
You knew what I did when you married me.
Leading the Norman cavalry armed with a rubber sword
is not what we're discussing.
We do not use rubber swords.
Yesterday's extravaganza is what we're discussing.
It was my responsibility as a... citizen.
But you have a wife now Steve.
You can't keep on playing
like you're one of the three Musketeers.
We were only helping the police.
It was reckless daring do and you know it.
Daring do?
What'd you get that from, some boys' own book?
What do you think I am anyway?
Some big kid?
Sure, jumping off of rooftops and setting fire
to your pants.
I don't really go for that
but at least that's under control.
But it's all the same thing.
It's a sign of immaturity.
Sign of...
[bombs exploding]
[gun shots fire]
[helicopter rotor spinning]
[bombs exploding]
[helicopter rotor spinning]
Bit of a warm welcome.
This is private property.
Yeah, too right.
You didn't bring any sandwiches with you, did you mate?
Might have a biscuit.
What's your name?
Rod.
Steve.
G'day.
How are ya?
[soft music]
Listen, kid.
It all goes back, a very long way.
And I don't know whether you'd understand.
I might.
Yeah, well, one day I might explain.
[both kissing]
[soft music]
Listen Bismark, old mate,
don't judge me by your standards, okay?
I mean, I admire your style, you Puritan dog,
but look, this girl is really special.
On the level this time, I'm serious about her.
So don't say anything, hey?
Her name is Wendy, I think.
Yeah, Wendy.
You'll really like her.
[doorbell rings]
Here we go.
[door opens]
I do hope this is not an inconvenient moment.
Splendid dog you have. Shall we go?
I was expecting visitors.
She'll wait, they always do.
Who are you?
I'm a professional gunman,
and I wonder if you would mind accompanying me.
Yes, I would.
Then I wonder if you would mind accompanying him.
[tense music]
[dog barks]
Well, when you put it that, not at all.
If I'm not back by morning, call the police.
[soft music]
[dog barks]
[Steve clapping]
[elevator bell dings]
[footsteps pattering]
You put up much of a fight?
Not much, no.
- No? - You?
Not really.
No.
Any way out?
Well, the fire escape's closed.
There's only the lift.
Any idea who they are?
Yeah.
I think it's a setup for "This Is Your Life."
Why didn't you give him a fight?
I didn't feel motivated.
You're nothing without a director.
No, just raw talent maybe.
I was expecting a ravishing lady called Wanda.
Bismark will look after her.
I know. He's a lousy dancer.
[elevator dings]
Soon as the door opens.
Got it.
[elevator door opens]
Gentlemen, if you could spare the time,
my chief will be delighted to entertain you to drinks
before we run you home.
I feel a bit silly.
Mmm.
[soft music]
[people chattering]
[soft music]
I'm delighted you could make it.
Thank you, Dawkins.
Well now, my name is Culpepper.
Actually it's nothing of the sort
but as far as you're concerned, it's Culpepper.
Unless you would prefer something else.
I'm not particular,
just as long as I can pronounce it.
What is happening?
Good, then it's agreed.
I shall call you Steve and Rod
and you shall call me Mr. Culpepper.
That's the advantage of seniority, age and power.
Chiefly power.
Do you bowl?
No.
Do you take a drink?
In moderation.
Well, I find bowling very relaxing.
Let me buy you a drink, hm?
It's a delightful view, isn't it?
Let me put your minds at rest straight away.
I am a goodie. A representative of the wing
of the public servants.
I would have thought the unfaltering courtesy
of my of my age would have given that away.
They are polite, aren't they?
Oh, yes, wonderfully so.
And surprisingly good field men too, you know.
What is going on?
Ah, I see how it is. I'll have a gin and tonic.
Whisky.
Jamaica Farewell.
Oh yes, now where was I?
Being of the public service,
the mafioso of the bureaucracy, so to speak.
Which wing so to speak?
Yes, do you know today is the day
of our departmental bowls tournament?
There's all my people out there on the greens.
Take a good look at them.
Some of them are quite remarkably good players.
[upbeat music]
What sort of game you running?
I was anxious to break it to you softly.
We've been set up.
Oh yeah, the drinks, yes.
That's why we didn't make the papers.
What for? Dodging blank cartridges, huh?
That's a really rich malt.
Naturally.
They wouldn't dare serve anything else at my table.
Now then Mr. Culpepper,
perhaps you could explain what's been going on.
Yes, it's really very simple.
So am I, so give it to me slowly.
All right.
[Culpepper] Now then, I've taken over the job
previously the responsibility of one Mr. Morganthorn, yes.
He was keenly interested in your specialty act in Vietnam
and approached each of you with the view to,
joining the public service on D-mob.
[Steve] The answer is still no.
[Culpepper] Wait for the question.
[Rod] You've got the duration of this drink.
[Culpepper] Ample.
So I inherited the files.
And well, once the department has you on a file
it never loses track of you or, um, interest.
[Steve] Pity.
Stuntman, hey? What a fascinating life you must lead.
Cunning Stunts, what an amusing title for a company.
It pays the bills.
Really? That's good.
I'm so glad.
Something's come up and I thought of you two.
When we got out of the commando
we said no more organizations.
My dear Rodney,
I wouldn't dream of having you in the establishment.
Much too troublesome.
No, what I have in mind
is a sort of specialty guest artist spot.
One specific assignment.
Yes. We also said that we were through with killing.
We saw enough. We did enough.
Really? Hmm.
I've got scores of people that can handle that
sort of chore for me.
No, this is something I thought that your special talents
would just fill the bill,
provided you've kept them finely honed.
I see, hence the charade of the last couple of days.
Yes, exactly.
Oh, incidentally, you passed the test.
Not that I suppose you're very interested in that.
Not much.
It was a pretty shabby trick I must confess.
Well, there are a couple of skeptics in the department,
who demanded the test.
Now I know it's no use appealing to your sense of patriotism
because none of us have much of that left anymore.
And I'm not going to tell you about the money
because we're lousy pairs,
and I'm sure you two don't go short of the,
odd feed of oysters.
So, how should I tempt you?
Well, I offer you real excitement
with a genuine test of your skills, ingenuity
and blood cooling courage.
I offer you unmistakable danger,
plus a lot of fun.
Not much, I know but that's all I've got.
And I'm not going to tell you what the assignment is
until you have agreed to join us.
And, I'm not going to press you for an answer.
So there it is.
Talk about it, think it over.
One job as freelancers.
It's a pity you can't bowl.
[tense music] [punch flying]
[table crashes] [Rod screams]
What do you think about it?
We don't need it.
Of course we don't.
[tense music]
[Steve shouting]
[chair crashes]
Hang on, this isn't gonna work.
What's up?
The storyboard, it's hopeless.
[papers ruffling]
See, I'm winning too easily.
Well, if that's a problem...
[both screaming] [water splashes]
I like Culpepper.
Yeah, I liked him too.
He's a shrewd old beggar.
I wonder what the job was.
Who needs it, mate?
Yeah, unless it was something really interesting.
[both fighting]
- G'day, Julia? - What is this?
- Rehearsal. - In the living room?
Yeah, I get an extra 250 bucks
for letting him shoot in here.
Oh, you're just wonderful.
Wait a second.
[objects clanking]
Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying.
They thought the place was ideal.
I'm so glad.
Oh, God, I'm dead. I'm dead.
Please, I'll clear up the mess.
[Steve falls]
That's in pretty good shape.
That trick vase works very well.
Yeah, just a bit on the stairs needs looking at.
The stairs?
Just one shot darling.
I don't wanna know.
I must be off.
I'm a cooking Boeuf la mode for a lady.
You'll really like her?
Yeah, well, see you later Rod.
Yeah, you two got lots to talk about.
[Julia] Have we?
Go.
Bismark.
What have we got to talk about?
Ahh, let's see. Did you have a good day?
Not particularly.
I phoned the office, you weren't in.
Uh-huh.
A possible client came in and took me for a drink.
- I see. - True.
Good. You better get that wet gear off.
You didn't kiss me when I came in.
You were having a fight.
- I'm not now. - Oh, yes you are.
[smooth music]
[both kissing]
[romantic music]
I love you see.
[Steve] Yes.
So you shouldn't keep secrets.
I don't.
Something's going on, I can tell.
Why are we whispering?
I don't know.
Come on.
Grab you bonnet and I'll change and we'll get some air.
[soft music]
It's a beautiful city.
[soft music]
I haven't been very good to you, have I?
Brought you out here as my wife
and I haven't even given you the $2 guided tour of the place.
[Julia] Oh, I find my way about
[Steve] Yes you do, don't you?
And you've been very good to me, mostly.
Well, you have to keep reminding me
I'm one of a pair now.
I was a long time solo.
Do I detect a hint of nostalgia in that?
You do not,
not even a hint.
[soft music]
[Julia laughing]
I wouldn't trust him though.
Oh, there are lots of people I wouldn't trust.
Since when did you turn cynic?
When you started getting shot at.
Well, how would you feel if I told you
that those shots they fired at us were blanks.
What?
[soft music]
So this man Culpepper is a spy?
Spy, rather quaint description.
What would you call him?
I didn't say you were wrong.
Well, I hope you told this,
Mr. Culpepper what you thought of his silly game.
Yeah, look, I really did.
Oh, Steve you did not.
I'm very good at looking after myself.
Sure, so was Harry Houdini.
Yeah, but Rod and I, we're are a good team.
[bombs exploding]
Someone's got to move.
Yeah, I'd say.
Well, not us, Sarge.
- No? - No.
[bombs exploding]
[Steve] It was a small army of North Vietnamese regulars
Half the commando never landed.
Hal except for Rod and me.nded.
But that war's over, Steve.
Hey, will you try and understand what I'm on about?
Yeah, let's all try real hard.
Maybe we'll get somewhere.
Right.
[Steve] Headquarters liked the way
We only kept our heads,
Anyway, they kept us together.
Put us through a rough Anyw old training programther.
Anyw ol across the DMZ.amther.
anything sufficiently nasty..
mission that happened anythi 10 years back. nasty..
[dramatic music]
[Steve screaming]
[wine tap running]
You said you got those marks in a motor smash.
I lied.
You all right?
- Move out. - What?
That's an order.
Now be honest, all that racket.
We were trapping pigs, this.
Me brother's got a property out near Yas.
You know the area?
No.
Yeah, it's a good spot.
Ever chase wild pig?
Nope.
I'll take you out there when we get back.
I gave you an order sergeant. Move out.
You're incapacitated sir.
I'm assuming operational command until you're better
so shut up.
Rod cut me out, took about 20 minutes
and all that time we were scared.
We were really scared.
We were that close to being bumped off,
but we made it.
And this is what you've got to try and understand Julia.
It was a great feeling.
We were really high on it.
And every stunt I do, it's the same feeling.
I get a kick out of danger.
I know it's not normal but that's the way I am.
I'm hooked on that adrenaline charge you get
from knowing that this could be the last second of your life.
I love my life.
More since we met.
And because I love it
I won't go putting it up in a duck shoot.
You were never pinned to bamboo.
You don't make sense.
To you.
Which should matter to you?
It matters.
Does Rod wanna work for Mr. Culpepper?
I never said I did.
[Julia] You don't have to say.
That's not fair.
Does he?
We haven't decided.
We're gonna think of over it independently.
Well, I at least thank you for that.
For what?
Reserving part of the debate for your wife?
Listen, darling, if you said to me,
go tell Culpepper never to trouble you again
I'd do it, I swear it.
Would you do that?
Of course.
No, you better not stop being the man I married
just because I married you.
[both kissing]
[soft music]
You just gonna sit there and not talk to me?
I swear Steve will be having an easier time
explaining things to his wife than I am to a bloody dog.
It's one of your favorites Bismark.
Boeuf la mode.
You'll love Leoni. She's mad about dogs, hates cats.
[soft music]
Boeuf la mode . Delicious, aye?
Bizzy, you and I have been mates for a long time.
I'm sure you'd understand.
When a man's...
Look, listen to me, will you?
When a man's got special talents,
then he owes it to himself to do the things he's good at
once in a while, see?
[door bell rings]
That'll be Laura.
Now, listen, be a good dog.
[soft music]
We'll discuss it all later.
[door opens]
Leone.
The name is Lena.
And a beautiful name too.
[soft music]
[upbeat music]
[Director] All right, here we go.
Roll film.
Quiet please.
Action.
One, two, three. [gun firing]
Cut, good one.
Print that.
Let's set up for the hit and run now please.
[people chattering]
You set mate?
Okay Steve. Let her rip.
[engine revving]
[Rod breathes heavily]
Did you give it any thought?
- What? - You know what.
- Oh, that? - That.
To tell you the truth I was a bit busy last night, old mate.
Well, don't tell me about it.
Did you discuss it with Julia?
Yeah, we discussed it like mature adults.
Really?
Managed to be friends by morning.
[Rod] Oh, well, you haven't been married long.
True.
Had a hard time with Bismark.
Shouldn't let him hound you.
[Rod laughs]
That would be the worst joke you have cracked all week.
Wanna be a movie star?
Nope.
Wanna work for Culpepper?
Might as well.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
What's on this afternoon?
Oh, that fire thing.
You know, the safety demonstration for the army.
My turn to get barbecued.
[tense music]
[cameras clicking]
[tense music]
[Rod] How are you mate?
Medium rare [laughs].
[soft music]
All of this has to be done according to the routines.
You understand?
No, not really.
If you would wear these.
Huh, I'd have prefer a white gardenia.
Very efficient.
They were made ready, just in case.
In case what?
You got itchy feet, shall we go?
[soft music]
You had no difficulty with your wife, Steve?
What business is that of yours?
In this organization any of us may
at any time be dependent on our colleagues for our lives.
Well, you'll never have to depend on us, sweetheart.
We work alone.
Really?
Really.
I wasn't told.
Oh, well, perhaps you're not to be trusted.
[door opens]
Do you know uh, if the chief wants to see me?
I do, and he doesn't.
Oh,
right.
I'm Gloria.
Are you really?
No, but then he's not really Culpepper.
I'm his secretary.
He's a very lucky man.
How's your dog?
Dying to meet you.
I really love big slobbery dogs.
Oh, we're gonna be friends.
I'm also mad about French cooking.
You certainly keep good files.
They're not my best point.
What are you doing tonight, Gloria?
You better find out what you're doing first.
Nothing would please me more, that's why I asked.
[door opens]
[clears throat] I see you've met Gloria.
I'm afraid it's downhill from now on.
Would you like the step inside?
Don't forget our arrangement.
Arrangement?
It'll come to you.
[clears throat] No calls, will it be to, Gloria.
She's terrific.
Now, sit down.
So, your wife's a teacher huh, Steve?
Yeah.
Is she a communist?
Presbyterian, I think.
It's not a departmental inquiry.
It's just that I have this private theory
about relationship between education
and the over developed social confidence.
Sometimes I think my dog's a Trotskyite.
Really, well I have to have one our
undercover dachshunds keep an eye on it.
Tell me, is you're a secretary
married or anything inconvenient?
No, my dear fellow, I wouldn't dream of doing that to you.
Now then, would you like some refreshments?
No, not for me.
Oh, good, because it would only be tea anyway.
I knew you'd come.
Well, you knew more than we did.
Yes, always will.
Don't be smug.
That's a little joke.
So you, uh, want to help, hey?
Once, perhaps we're entering a rather quiet period.
Off season.
I understand.
Well, what's the job then?
Not here. At the house.
What's that?
Oh, a briefing complex.
Doesn't it sound grand?
Typical example of departmental empire building.
When you want us there?
You free now?
[soft music]
How are you, sir?
Oh, I've had a bit of trouble with my back.
Otherwise all right.
Mud baths, sir. Somewhere in Italy.
The greengrocer was telling my wife.
Oh, really?
I could find out for you if you like.
These gentlemen with you, sir?
Oh, yes, excuse me.
Give the sergeant your tabs.
[machine ringing]
Weather's turned a bit chill.
Yes, I know.
I noticed it last night as a matter of fact.
It'll finish off the tomatoes.
Yeah, its a pity really
'cause I had a very good crop this season.
Room 8 then, sir.
Oh, good.
All right chaps, come along.
[soft music]
Righto. Here we are.
[soft music]
Right. Thank you, my dear.
[soft music]
Now, when you're quite finished looking at our furnishings,
we'll begin.
I never realized that cloak and dagger
was so cloak and dagger.
Ah, we like to keep our secrets a secret.
Yes, and I thought you were all ordinary blokes
in regulation offices doing dirty jobs.
Of course you did.
It's all the cult of the anti-hero.
It's done immeasurable harm to our image
and to recruitment.
Do, sit down.
Before we get underway,
I must apologize to you for the crudity
of the presentation you're about to witness.
Like all government departments
we felt the vicious swipe of the budget
and shed our bitter tears of inflation.
Hmm, anyway I'm sure you'll see what I mean [clears throat].
You know,
once we had the best modelling unit in the country.
What happened to it?
I believe they're all working
in the motion picture industry.
And that's the target?
Let me explain to you.
This here is a map of the Philippines.
That's Japan.
Oh. Oh yes. Knock me down, so it is.
You're absolutely right.
It's a beautiful country though, isn't it?
Frightful incompetence.
Still, I expect you know what they look like.
What?
The Philippines. Do pay attention.
Sorry.
But now these buildings here are in the Philippines.
Whereabouts?
Well, I'll give you proper maps for that.
That'd be of help.
Of course, this is the empire
of a man called Agostino Hernandez.
He,
is a baddie.
Who says?
Oh, everybody.
He's a manipulator, racketeer, fixer, all round nasty chap.
We don't kill.
Mmm, I know that.
[Culpepper] Well, this Mr. Hernandez is known
to keep his private papers in a safe
in the control room of this complex.
[Steve] What does this complex do?
[Culpepper] Oh, it makes things.
[Steve] Such as?
[Culpepper] The answer to that
and many other interesting questions are
in the said private papers.
So you want them?
No, I don't want them personally,
but the Filipino government would like them
in order to bring Mr. Hernandez to book.
Well, why don't they send in their own boys?
Well I shouldn't say this,
but I do think they are too sure of
which of their boys are on their side,
if you know what I mean.
So they've asked you to help?
What a remarkable double egg, you two are?
Why don't you help 'em?
You mean sending our own people?
Can you just see Mr. Hernandez if he caught them,
delighting in exposing them?
Can't you hear the Afro-Asian block of the UN
rising to its feet in single rattle of chairs,
protesting at our intervention
in the domestic affairs of a neighboring country? [laughs]
Oh no, no no, no. No, the ploy is,
to send in two mercenaries,
if you'll pardon the expression.
And then if you get caught well,
you're just a pair of big time burglars,
industrial espionage perhaps.
No government would ever admit
to having anything to do with you.
Super plan, isn't it?
Wonderful.
Well, let's see some film shall we?
I rather find films relaxing.
Lights,
and this film is taken in
and around the Hernandez citadel
by some cunning and sneaky little locals agents.
[tense music]
[film whirring]
Mr. Culpepper?
Hmm?
Is it a good film?
Great.
I told you, they always relax me.
[soft music]
[Culpepper] I'd like you to know that the resources
[Rod] I'd like to have Gloria.
[Rod] I'd [soft music] e Gloria.
Come through will you please, [Rod] I'd [sGloria.ic] e Gloria.
Right, now then, they are [Rod] I working with us. e Gloria.
[And you're working with them. r.
- All right? [And you're - Fine. with them. .
[And you're - Oh.e. with them. .
grab the papers and [And youget out again?th them. .
In a word,
no.
I'll lay on a submarine for you that will get you close.
There are four problems as I see it.
Getting from the submarine to the island
and back that's one.
Getting from the beach up to the complex,
getting through the alarm system,
and neutralizing the guards.
There are 120 armed guards there.
Hernandez is a very powerful man.
I told you it will be a challenge.
Anything else we should know?
Yes. Don't drink the water.
Book them into the farm for a week.
What?
It'll do you the world of good.
And get the secretary to give me someone new for you.
Very good sir.
[Culpepper] You'll liaise through Gloria.
Neither I nor my department have ever heard of you.
As far as I'm personally concerned,
I don't wanna see you again
until your return here bearing the Hernandez documents.
[clears throat] Goodbye.
Don't you mean good luck?
You make your own luck, in our trade.
So he has got a spine.
He survives.
Yeah, well, you'll be in touch.
That's right.
I thought...
What are you doing tonight?
Washing my hair.
Hm.
You got shampoo.
[Rod snickers]
- You looked at the maps? - Yes.
- You worked it out? - Nope.
- Any ideas? - Nope.
- Suggestions? - No.
You expect me to come up with a brilliant plan?
No.
What then?
I expect to wake up one morning
and find it all spread out in front of me.
Let's try and keep Gloria out of this.
She's a lovely girl mate, a lovely girl.
[birds chirping]
When's the caper come off?
Within a month.
That's why I like, plenty of time to get things organized.
[upbeat music]
Right, so far we're in.
You scale the cliffs on the south side
bringing you in there,
I've beached on the west side, which brings me in here.
I don't think there's any problems with the papers
in the control room do you?
But it's the getaway I can't figure out.
I mean how do we get out of the complex
and down an open 300 foot cliff to the submarine
after the alarm has been raised?
We'll think of something.
Look at the big brave men.
Do you think she's having a go at us?
Again?
Look, I can either go mad thinking about your antics
or I can stay sane by asking, what can I do to help?
[upbeat music]
[Rod] Hey, Bismark.
[upbeat music] [Rod screaming]
[soft music] [water splashing]
What fee did you quote Culpepper?
Rod, what fee did we quote Culpepper?
Hey?
Oh, honestly you didn't even discuss payment?
Steve!
Here comes Gloria.
Gloria.
Hey, Bismark.
Do you know what the rate for this kind of job is?
It's not a set scale.
They don't often employ freelance performers, too risky.
Thanks a lot.
But they will get paid.
If it can't be avoided.
Culpepper does tend to guard his budget
with the zeal of a true public servant.
Safe?
Yep.
Good.
Yes.
What is it?
Share it.
You still on speaking terms
with that bloke from Murray Bridge?
Because the wind lift from there to there is perfect.
What does this man from Murray bridge do?
He makes things.
Well, we'll get onto him whilst you're down on the farm.
We don't wanna go to your farm.
No we checked ourselves out, we're both fit.
Definite waste of time.
Rodney, it can't hurt you.
I booked you in for a week starting tomorrow.
Well, if you want my opinion.
[cannon firing]
[both laughing]
[engine revving]
[men shouting]
[engine revving]
[men shouting]
[man clears throat]
Seems I could be trusted with the job
of entertaining you for a few days.
So, welcome to the farm.
What goes on here?
All sorts of things.
Yeah, and what gets done?
With any luck sir,
you do.
[upbeat music]
Any preference for weapons?
Anything with a straight barrel.
We're not gonna be shooting anyone.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
I didn't realize you were nervous of firearms.
[dramatic music]
[guns firing]
Just like riding a bicycle. You never forget.
However much you'd like to.
[horses snorting]
What's next?
That along that gentlemen.
Stay between the marker flags.
What a light exercise, certainly.
Just testing your wind.
[Steve] Well, if I were them I'd be testing for nerve.
It's the only essential qualification for the job.
[Rod] So they're trying to push us off the track?
[Steve] Right on.
[Rod] And if we fall for it?
[Steve] Horrible things will happen.
[bomb exploding]
[horse neighing]
[Rod] See what you mean.
Okay, you set the pace.
[Steve] Thanks a lot.
[man laughing]
[upbeat music]
[bomb exploding] [upbeat music]
[guns firing]
[upbeat music]
[bomb exploding]
[upbeat music]
Well, this is goodbye old mate.
I mean, we've run your crooked mile, we've swam your river.
It's very boring.
So if you can direct us to the nearest railway station
we'll shuffle off.
I've got you for a week.
Yes, well, very kind but no thanks.
We got other plans.
I know all about your speedway frolics.
You wouldn't spoil our fun.
I'd quite like to try.
Anyhow, come to room A9 after lunch, will you?
I'll arrange the formalities for your discharge.
Julia,
where does this pack?
Dinghy two, bag one in the strapping.
Do I have to ride all that?
Yep.
Fine.
By the way, what is it?
It's a master timing console.
I wonder how they're coping at the farm.
They'll be coping.
[man grunting]
[man shouting]
[tense music]
[man screaming]
[Rod] Fancy taking on the two of us.
[Steve] How do you get the two of us?
You never did anything.
I held your coat.
[horse neighing]
[upbeat music]
[car crashes]
[upbeat music]
[fire extinguisher wheezing]
[upbeat music]
[crowd cheering]
You know, mate. I've been thinking about that farm,
those explosions.
They could hardly have afforded to kill us.
Yeah, lots of flash and bang and not much damage.
Well, it takes more than that to scare us.
[metal clanking]
Steel, hey?
Yeah.
Well I've been thinking a few explosions like that
with a lot of pretty smoke might scare off Hernandez
and his merry men.
Cunning effects, it's a good idea.
That's worth a thought.
Give us the multi-grips, will ya?
Multi-grips? What are you doing, taking out of spendings?
No, giving it a vasectomy.
[upbeat music]
[engines revving] [upbeat music]
[soft music]
Thanks.
The mission.
- Us. - All right us.
Yeah, us. I meant us.
[soft music]
You know Julie, it means a lot to me
that you understand why I'm doing this.
Why, are you gonna kiss me?
No, why I'm gonna go on this escapade.
Oh, that.
Well, I don't understand that at all.
[soft music]
[Julia laughs]
If you could imagine
the pressures that build up on a man
when he approaches moments of great
and unknown danger, then perhaps you try to help me
through this awful time.
Oh, Rodney, you two talk a lot.
[soft music]
[kisses dog] Bye fella. See you soon.
Bye love.
[soft music]
[soft music]
[Commander speaks indistinctly]
10 degrees, 30 minutes north.
125 degrees, 10 minutes east.
I'm Lieutenant Commander Carson, Naval Intelligence.
Mr. Culpepper asked me to look after you.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm a courier.
I have to take you to this point
and pick you up there 10 hours later.
Agreed?
That's all we want.
It's all you get.
10 hours and 10 seconds after you disembark,
the Captain will turn the boat for home.
Understood?
Yes, that's clear.
I hope you'll be comfortable aboard.
Thank you.
Right, God knows how you're going to crack it.
And he's not telling.
[men marching]
[seagull squawking]
[dramatic music]
Standby to surface.
[man speaking indistinctly]
Surface.
[dramatic music]
It'll be nine o'clock by the time you hit the island.
- Yes. - You're mad.
I would go in on the cover of darkness.
Yes, well we found that people with something to hide
expect things to go bump in the night.
Besides, my friend is shortsighted.
[dramatic music]
[water splashing]
[dramatic music]
[boat engine revving]
[dramatic music]
[submarine siren blaring]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, Julia, it's Culpepper here.
[Culpepper] I 'm not disturbing you am I?
[Culpepper] It's my natural I 'm magnetism, my dear.am I?
I've just been advised that Ithe mission is now underway.
Would you like me to come across to your place
and we can wait for the office to phone through the outcome?
All right.
Oh, good.
Oh, by the way, do you play chess?
A little.
Oh, that is nice.
Yes, I find chess very relaxing.
[upbeat music]
[waves splashing] [upbeat music]
What are the rules of this game?
The law of the jungle.
[dramatic music]
[birds chirping]
[dramatic music] [wind blowing]
[tense music]
[men talking in foreign language]
[tense music]
[can spraying]
[dramatic music]
[feet pattering]
[dramatic music]
[men talking in foreign language]
[men laughing]
[funky music]
[water splashing]
[funky music]
[water bubbling]
[zipper opening]
[men shouting in foreign language]
I'm looking for the American Express office.
[men shouting in foreign language]
That way? That way?
[men talking in foreign language]
Relax fellas, relax fellas.
I don't speak English, I don't speak English.
It's a camera.
Camera?
- Click, click? - Click, click.
I'll show you, okay, thank you.
Just show you, now look.
Hold on, smile.
Press that one.
Press that one in hard.
Now press that one there.
[bomb exploding]
[men shouting in foreign language]
Excuse me.
[dramatic music]
[alarm blaring]
[wind blowing] [dramatic music]
Looks a little heavy.
[Rod shouting in foreign language]
Move it, over here. Over, over! Move, move!
Now! Move it! Move it!
Back up, back up, back up, back up!
Hold it right there.
What do you want?
I've come to read the meter.
Out, move!
[Rod speaking foreign language]
Move, move.
[dramatic music]
[bombs exploding]
[dramatic music]
[Rod breathing heavily]
[dramatic music]
[man shouting]
[dramatic music]
[man shouting]
[alarm blaring]
[dramatic music] [men shouting]
[bomb exploding]
[dramatic music]
[men shouting]
[alarm blaring]
[bomb exploding]
[men shouting]
[dramatic music] [alarm blaring]
[men shouting]
[bombs exploding]
[alarm blaring]
[soft music]
[dramatic music]
[alarm blaring]
[guns firing] [bombs exploding]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music] [metal clanking]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music]
[men shouting]
[bombs exploding]
[dramatic music]
[smoke flare whistling]
[dramatic music]
[bombs exploding]
[dramatic music]
[gun firing]
[bombs exploding]
[men shouting]
[dramatic music] [alarm blaring]
[men shouting]
[dramatic music]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music]
[hang glider splashing]
[dramatic music]
Check and mate.
Good Lord, they've made it.
Culpepper will be pleased.
[water splashing]
[phone ringing]
I'll get it.
Culpepper.
Mm, right.
Well, it's good news.
They've got the papers.
Now you can have your husband back.
[Julia laughing]
Oh, steady on.
Hey, what about me?
[soft music]
Hey, there's a preview of your latest epic tomorrow.
Wanna come?
[soft music]
[crowd chattering]
Can we all sit down then, people?
[crowd chattering]
Ready to go.
The world premiere of this epic production,
three years in the making, a credit to all concerned,
particularly me.
Boiled lolly?
[men screaming]
[horses neighing]
[dramatic music]
[people screaming]
[horses neighing]
[swords clanking]
At the end of a hard day's work
a man needs a deodorant that won't let him down.
And this is the one, William.
It's a conqueror.
[dramatic music]
Magnificent.
It's a living.
[engine revving]
Higher
Higher
Fly high. Reach for the sky
Death cheater
You should smile, play it with style
Death cheater
Haven't you noticed how late it seems
Haven't you built your world on dreams
Didn't you gamble each moment on
Could you
Be wrong
Haven't you noticed how late it seems
Haven't you built your world on dreams
Didn't you gamble each moment on
Could you
Be wrong
Fly high. Reach for the sky
Death cheater
You know it's a game you must play without fame
Death cheater
You should smile, play it with style
Death cheater
[ominous orchestral music]
[horses neighing]
[tense music]
[men shouting]
[tense music]
[all screaming]
[hooves thumping]
[horses neighing]
[people shouting]
[tense music]
[swords clanking]
[horse neighing]
[man screaming]
[swords clanking]
Send in the second wave.
[men shouting]
[flare gun firing]
[men shouting]
Julia.
[swords clanking]
Cue the screaming women.
[women screaming]
[swords clanking]
Kill! Kill!
Got a light mate?
[Rod laughing]
Cut, print.
[swords clanking]
Cut.
[swords clanking]
Cut!
[car engine revving]
Fantastic!
You've got some [foreign language].
[Rod] Yep.
Perfectly disciplined.
We have got some excellent footage.
[Rodney] Good.
Bismark wasn't too impressed.
Ah, yes. Well, he's a cultured hound.
He thinks that people who work for are living are common.
[Director] Is that the way you all think it is,
working for a living?
Yep.
[man grunts]
[all laughing]
[engine revving]
Higher
Higher
Fly high. Reach for the sky
Death cheater
You should smile, play it with style
Death cheater
Haven't you noticed how late it seems
Haven't you build your world on dreams
Didn't you gamble each moment on
Could you
be wrong
[engine revving]
[pendulum balls clanking]
Can I help?
What with?
You seem depressed.
I'm anxious. I can never bear to let the mixture stand.
I know I should but once the ingredients are in,
I'm always impatient for a taste.
Forgive the coloring illusion
but it's moments like these my mind roams to food.
Shall I send out for a sandwich?
Oh, that would be tempting.
But no, I think we'd better send for the car.
[engine revving]
Quiet everybody!
Turn over.
[Man] Anticor, 4. Take 10.
Action.
Hi.
If you can get a really clear view,
of the underside of your car,
you'd probably find the telltale signs of rust,
but not if you've protected your vehicle
with Anticor underseal compound.
Look at it like this...
[engine revving]
And you'll see what I mean.
[Man] Cut.
Look Steven,
[Steven] Yeah.
That was fine.
That was fine.
But well, to be brutally honest,
I, I, I, err, I didn't follow your motivation.
You do what to my which?
- You follow? - Yeah, sure.
You, speak the words clearly and hold up the pack,
that's all I've ever been asked to do.
Yes but, I'm asking for more.
Then you get Laurence Olivier.
[engine revving]
Steve, I don't understand your position.
Making commercials is extremely creative.
I mean, why does it matter to you
that people should buy this Anticor?
Sunshine, it doesn't matter to me if they drink it.
Exactly.
[sirens blaring] [gun shots]
Hey Steve,
[sirens blaring] [gun shots]
[car skids]
I don't like to see that sort of thing.
I don't like to see that thing and not be part of it.
That's what I meant.
[car engine revving]
Hey come back here. You can't do this to me!
I'll have you blacklisted! You'll never work again!
Would you like more money?
[soft music] [jeep engine revving]
You all right.
I'm all right.
What are you doing?
Being motivated.
[car engine revving]
Base.
This is Hilda Handcuff.
The pickup is confirmed.
[upbeat music]
You think he's trying to tell us something?
[gun shot fires]
That's dangerous.
[upbeat music continues]
[gun shot fires]
[cars bumping]
[car skidding]
[cars bumping]
[car skidding]
[car skidding]
[cars braking] [car skidding]
[cars colliding]
[car skidding]
There goes you no claim bonus.
I'm not insured.
[upbeat music continues]
[car hitting car door]
[cars bumping]
[cars crashing]
[car engine revving]
[car skidding]
Would you like a few kidneys for the dog?
'Ere, what do you think you're doing?
Hey, there's a queue you know?
[upbeat music continues]
[car screeching]
[windshield breaking]
[upbeat music]
[engines revving. Tires squealing]
[cars crashing]
Cover him, Rod. Come on. On your feet.
You got a bit of explaining to do, mate.
You can't just steal meat and not pay for it.
Oh, it's not as bad as it seems, mate.
Hey. It's the two of them, sergeant. Arrest them.
They stole my meat.
And that one's with them as well.
You okay?
Yeah.
You all right?
Don't tell me. Batman and Robin, huh?
Well, we were just passing, Sarge.
Incidentally, you owe this gentlemen for a leg of lamb.
Hey?
Look, what's going on here?
These men are wanted by the police.
Yeah, I picked this one for a wrong one
as soon as he walked in the shop.
Not them, them!
[soft music]
Yeah, them.
Thanks for your efforts anyway.
It broke the monotony.
Yeah, life gets tedious, huh?
Not really. Does the old bus
good to give her a run every now and then.
Burns off the gunge.
I guess it does.
I assume they're not wanted for double parking.
No, a bank job.
Merchant security down in the city.
How was their score?
Nothing.
They tripped the alarm, shoved the staff in the vault,
spun the tumblers and off like smoke. Lovely.
Lovely.
I've got to wait for the general manager
to get back from Melbourne so I can get them out.
How'd the thieves get in?
Chief Clark's got a key.
Well, there you go then.
Chief Clark's inside the vault.
Oh, good luck then.
I don't need a good luck.
It's the people inside the vault need that,
but I got an air hose in there and soon they'll suffocate.
What are we waiting for?
Let's go.
[engine revving]
[tense music]
Very good of you blokes to offer the help
I'm sure you mean well.
As Adam Dunphy told you
the only way of introducing an air line is
by the external wall.
All the interior walls are fully steel reinforced.
The external isn't.
I'm sure you can see why.
Yes.
Now, is there a plan of the building
showing the location of the vault?
Yes. This is Mr. Langham, the building manager.
- How do you do? - How do you do?
Mr. Langham, could you show me where the vault is?
Certainly. [paper ruffling]
Here we are.
[footsteps pattering]
I know, sir.
Hardly worth bringing a car into the city anymore.
[engine revving]
- Got a plan? - You've been booked.
What's that?
Done for parking; contrary to notice.
Not my department.
What do you think of that?
Not strong on it.
We've got a plan?
Certainly have.
Good, tell the Sergeant what our plan is?
Not gonna pay your bloody fine.
[car door opens] [upbeat music]
Hope they can hold their breath.
It's not the fastest way down.
[tense music]
How much further, Steve?
[Steve] Ah, you've got about another six foot.
That the mark?
[Steve] Yeah, that's about it.
Righto. Hold me there.
[tense music]
[drill whirring]
[tense music]
[drill whirring]
[tense music]
Ready for the airline?
Yep, send it down now.
Bring up the airline.
[machine vibrating]
Here she comes.
[soft music]
[machine vibrating]
[soft music]
[Rod] Right.
Air line's through.
Magnificent, let me shake you by the hand.
[Rod screaming]
[tense music]
[door opens]
I believe relief is at hand.
[man laughs]
There you are Bruce.
[water bubbling]
[man laughs]
[smooth music]
[both kissing]
[smooth music]
Well?
Well, what?
Anything in the paper?
I wasn't looking.
You've been studying the morning paper to see if--
I have not.
You're arrogant and you're conceited
and that's exactly why--
I just thought a reference would be good for business.
And was there a reference?
[Steve] No.
You did look?
Oh, a glance. You know, just a glance.
Ha!
Ha, it's very meaningful that is.
Would it have been good for business
if you've been shot dead?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh, is worse than ha?
That's what's getting at you, is it?
That I could've been shot dead.
Yes, it's terribly orthodox of me, isn't it?
Well, I wasn't shot dead.
You didn't make the papers either.
[wheels whirring]
You knew what I did when you married me.
Leading the Norman cavalry armed with a rubber sword
is not what we're discussing.
We do not use rubber swords.
Yesterday's extravaganza is what we're discussing.
It was my responsibility as a... citizen.
But you have a wife now Steve.
You can't keep on playing
like you're one of the three Musketeers.
We were only helping the police.
It was reckless daring do and you know it.
Daring do?
What'd you get that from, some boys' own book?
What do you think I am anyway?
Some big kid?
Sure, jumping off of rooftops and setting fire
to your pants.
I don't really go for that
but at least that's under control.
But it's all the same thing.
It's a sign of immaturity.
Sign of...
[bombs exploding]
[gun shots fire]
[helicopter rotor spinning]
[bombs exploding]
[helicopter rotor spinning]
Bit of a warm welcome.
This is private property.
Yeah, too right.
You didn't bring any sandwiches with you, did you mate?
Might have a biscuit.
What's your name?
Rod.
Steve.
G'day.
How are ya?
[soft music]
Listen, kid.
It all goes back, a very long way.
And I don't know whether you'd understand.
I might.
Yeah, well, one day I might explain.
[both kissing]
[soft music]
Listen Bismark, old mate,
don't judge me by your standards, okay?
I mean, I admire your style, you Puritan dog,
but look, this girl is really special.
On the level this time, I'm serious about her.
So don't say anything, hey?
Her name is Wendy, I think.
Yeah, Wendy.
You'll really like her.
[doorbell rings]
Here we go.
[door opens]
I do hope this is not an inconvenient moment.
Splendid dog you have. Shall we go?
I was expecting visitors.
She'll wait, they always do.
Who are you?
I'm a professional gunman,
and I wonder if you would mind accompanying me.
Yes, I would.
Then I wonder if you would mind accompanying him.
[tense music]
[dog barks]
Well, when you put it that, not at all.
If I'm not back by morning, call the police.
[soft music]
[dog barks]
[Steve clapping]
[elevator bell dings]
[footsteps pattering]
You put up much of a fight?
Not much, no.
- No? - You?
Not really.
No.
Any way out?
Well, the fire escape's closed.
There's only the lift.
Any idea who they are?
Yeah.
I think it's a setup for "This Is Your Life."
Why didn't you give him a fight?
I didn't feel motivated.
You're nothing without a director.
No, just raw talent maybe.
I was expecting a ravishing lady called Wanda.
Bismark will look after her.
I know. He's a lousy dancer.
[elevator dings]
Soon as the door opens.
Got it.
[elevator door opens]
Gentlemen, if you could spare the time,
my chief will be delighted to entertain you to drinks
before we run you home.
I feel a bit silly.
Mmm.
[soft music]
[people chattering]
[soft music]
I'm delighted you could make it.
Thank you, Dawkins.
Well now, my name is Culpepper.
Actually it's nothing of the sort
but as far as you're concerned, it's Culpepper.
Unless you would prefer something else.
I'm not particular,
just as long as I can pronounce it.
What is happening?
Good, then it's agreed.
I shall call you Steve and Rod
and you shall call me Mr. Culpepper.
That's the advantage of seniority, age and power.
Chiefly power.
Do you bowl?
No.
Do you take a drink?
In moderation.
Well, I find bowling very relaxing.
Let me buy you a drink, hm?
It's a delightful view, isn't it?
Let me put your minds at rest straight away.
I am a goodie. A representative of the wing
of the public servants.
I would have thought the unfaltering courtesy
of my of my age would have given that away.
They are polite, aren't they?
Oh, yes, wonderfully so.
And surprisingly good field men too, you know.
What is going on?
Ah, I see how it is. I'll have a gin and tonic.
Whisky.
Jamaica Farewell.
Oh yes, now where was I?
Being of the public service,
the mafioso of the bureaucracy, so to speak.
Which wing so to speak?
Yes, do you know today is the day
of our departmental bowls tournament?
There's all my people out there on the greens.
Take a good look at them.
Some of them are quite remarkably good players.
[upbeat music]
What sort of game you running?
I was anxious to break it to you softly.
We've been set up.
Oh yeah, the drinks, yes.
That's why we didn't make the papers.
What for? Dodging blank cartridges, huh?
That's a really rich malt.
Naturally.
They wouldn't dare serve anything else at my table.
Now then Mr. Culpepper,
perhaps you could explain what's been going on.
Yes, it's really very simple.
So am I, so give it to me slowly.
All right.
[Culpepper] Now then, I've taken over the job
previously the responsibility of one Mr. Morganthorn, yes.
He was keenly interested in your specialty act in Vietnam
and approached each of you with the view to,
joining the public service on D-mob.
[Steve] The answer is still no.
[Culpepper] Wait for the question.
[Rod] You've got the duration of this drink.
[Culpepper] Ample.
So I inherited the files.
And well, once the department has you on a file
it never loses track of you or, um, interest.
[Steve] Pity.
Stuntman, hey? What a fascinating life you must lead.
Cunning Stunts, what an amusing title for a company.
It pays the bills.
Really? That's good.
I'm so glad.
Something's come up and I thought of you two.
When we got out of the commando
we said no more organizations.
My dear Rodney,
I wouldn't dream of having you in the establishment.
Much too troublesome.
No, what I have in mind
is a sort of specialty guest artist spot.
One specific assignment.
Yes. We also said that we were through with killing.
We saw enough. We did enough.
Really? Hmm.
I've got scores of people that can handle that
sort of chore for me.
No, this is something I thought that your special talents
would just fill the bill,
provided you've kept them finely honed.
I see, hence the charade of the last couple of days.
Yes, exactly.
Oh, incidentally, you passed the test.
Not that I suppose you're very interested in that.
Not much.
It was a pretty shabby trick I must confess.
Well, there are a couple of skeptics in the department,
who demanded the test.
Now I know it's no use appealing to your sense of patriotism
because none of us have much of that left anymore.
And I'm not going to tell you about the money
because we're lousy pairs,
and I'm sure you two don't go short of the,
odd feed of oysters.
So, how should I tempt you?
Well, I offer you real excitement
with a genuine test of your skills, ingenuity
and blood cooling courage.
I offer you unmistakable danger,
plus a lot of fun.
Not much, I know but that's all I've got.
And I'm not going to tell you what the assignment is
until you have agreed to join us.
And, I'm not going to press you for an answer.
So there it is.
Talk about it, think it over.
One job as freelancers.
It's a pity you can't bowl.
[tense music] [punch flying]
[table crashes] [Rod screams]
What do you think about it?
We don't need it.
Of course we don't.
[tense music]
[Steve shouting]
[chair crashes]
Hang on, this isn't gonna work.
What's up?
The storyboard, it's hopeless.
[papers ruffling]
See, I'm winning too easily.
Well, if that's a problem...
[both screaming] [water splashes]
I like Culpepper.
Yeah, I liked him too.
He's a shrewd old beggar.
I wonder what the job was.
Who needs it, mate?
Yeah, unless it was something really interesting.
[both fighting]
- G'day, Julia? - What is this?
- Rehearsal. - In the living room?
Yeah, I get an extra 250 bucks
for letting him shoot in here.
Oh, you're just wonderful.
Wait a second.
[objects clanking]
Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying.
They thought the place was ideal.
I'm so glad.
Oh, God, I'm dead. I'm dead.
Please, I'll clear up the mess.
[Steve falls]
That's in pretty good shape.
That trick vase works very well.
Yeah, just a bit on the stairs needs looking at.
The stairs?
Just one shot darling.
I don't wanna know.
I must be off.
I'm a cooking Boeuf la mode for a lady.
You'll really like her?
Yeah, well, see you later Rod.
Yeah, you two got lots to talk about.
[Julia] Have we?
Go.
Bismark.
What have we got to talk about?
Ahh, let's see. Did you have a good day?
Not particularly.
I phoned the office, you weren't in.
Uh-huh.
A possible client came in and took me for a drink.
- I see. - True.
Good. You better get that wet gear off.
You didn't kiss me when I came in.
You were having a fight.
- I'm not now. - Oh, yes you are.
[smooth music]
[both kissing]
[romantic music]
I love you see.
[Steve] Yes.
So you shouldn't keep secrets.
I don't.
Something's going on, I can tell.
Why are we whispering?
I don't know.
Come on.
Grab you bonnet and I'll change and we'll get some air.
[soft music]
It's a beautiful city.
[soft music]
I haven't been very good to you, have I?
Brought you out here as my wife
and I haven't even given you the $2 guided tour of the place.
[Julia] Oh, I find my way about
[Steve] Yes you do, don't you?
And you've been very good to me, mostly.
Well, you have to keep reminding me
I'm one of a pair now.
I was a long time solo.
Do I detect a hint of nostalgia in that?
You do not,
not even a hint.
[soft music]
[Julia laughing]
I wouldn't trust him though.
Oh, there are lots of people I wouldn't trust.
Since when did you turn cynic?
When you started getting shot at.
Well, how would you feel if I told you
that those shots they fired at us were blanks.
What?
[soft music]
So this man Culpepper is a spy?
Spy, rather quaint description.
What would you call him?
I didn't say you were wrong.
Well, I hope you told this,
Mr. Culpepper what you thought of his silly game.
Yeah, look, I really did.
Oh, Steve you did not.
I'm very good at looking after myself.
Sure, so was Harry Houdini.
Yeah, but Rod and I, we're are a good team.
[bombs exploding]
Someone's got to move.
Yeah, I'd say.
Well, not us, Sarge.
- No? - No.
[bombs exploding]
[Steve] It was a small army of North Vietnamese regulars
Half the commando never landed.
Hal except for Rod and me.nded.
But that war's over, Steve.
Hey, will you try and understand what I'm on about?
Yeah, let's all try real hard.
Maybe we'll get somewhere.
Right.
[Steve] Headquarters liked the way
We only kept our heads,
Anyway, they kept us together.
Put us through a rough Anyw old training programther.
Anyw ol across the DMZ.amther.
anything sufficiently nasty..
mission that happened anythi 10 years back. nasty..
[dramatic music]
[Steve screaming]
[wine tap running]
You said you got those marks in a motor smash.
I lied.
You all right?
- Move out. - What?
That's an order.
Now be honest, all that racket.
We were trapping pigs, this.
Me brother's got a property out near Yas.
You know the area?
No.
Yeah, it's a good spot.
Ever chase wild pig?
Nope.
I'll take you out there when we get back.
I gave you an order sergeant. Move out.
You're incapacitated sir.
I'm assuming operational command until you're better
so shut up.
Rod cut me out, took about 20 minutes
and all that time we were scared.
We were really scared.
We were that close to being bumped off,
but we made it.
And this is what you've got to try and understand Julia.
It was a great feeling.
We were really high on it.
And every stunt I do, it's the same feeling.
I get a kick out of danger.
I know it's not normal but that's the way I am.
I'm hooked on that adrenaline charge you get
from knowing that this could be the last second of your life.
I love my life.
More since we met.
And because I love it
I won't go putting it up in a duck shoot.
You were never pinned to bamboo.
You don't make sense.
To you.
Which should matter to you?
It matters.
Does Rod wanna work for Mr. Culpepper?
I never said I did.
[Julia] You don't have to say.
That's not fair.
Does he?
We haven't decided.
We're gonna think of over it independently.
Well, I at least thank you for that.
For what?
Reserving part of the debate for your wife?
Listen, darling, if you said to me,
go tell Culpepper never to trouble you again
I'd do it, I swear it.
Would you do that?
Of course.
No, you better not stop being the man I married
just because I married you.
[both kissing]
[soft music]
You just gonna sit there and not talk to me?
I swear Steve will be having an easier time
explaining things to his wife than I am to a bloody dog.
It's one of your favorites Bismark.
Boeuf la mode.
You'll love Leoni. She's mad about dogs, hates cats.
[soft music]
Boeuf la mode . Delicious, aye?
Bizzy, you and I have been mates for a long time.
I'm sure you'd understand.
When a man's...
Look, listen to me, will you?
When a man's got special talents,
then he owes it to himself to do the things he's good at
once in a while, see?
[door bell rings]
That'll be Laura.
Now, listen, be a good dog.
[soft music]
We'll discuss it all later.
[door opens]
Leone.
The name is Lena.
And a beautiful name too.
[soft music]
[upbeat music]
[Director] All right, here we go.
Roll film.
Quiet please.
Action.
One, two, three. [gun firing]
Cut, good one.
Print that.
Let's set up for the hit and run now please.
[people chattering]
You set mate?
Okay Steve. Let her rip.
[engine revving]
[Rod breathes heavily]
Did you give it any thought?
- What? - You know what.
- Oh, that? - That.
To tell you the truth I was a bit busy last night, old mate.
Well, don't tell me about it.
Did you discuss it with Julia?
Yeah, we discussed it like mature adults.
Really?
Managed to be friends by morning.
[Rod] Oh, well, you haven't been married long.
True.
Had a hard time with Bismark.
Shouldn't let him hound you.
[Rod laughs]
That would be the worst joke you have cracked all week.
Wanna be a movie star?
Nope.
Wanna work for Culpepper?
Might as well.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
What's on this afternoon?
Oh, that fire thing.
You know, the safety demonstration for the army.
My turn to get barbecued.
[tense music]
[cameras clicking]
[tense music]
[Rod] How are you mate?
Medium rare [laughs].
[soft music]
All of this has to be done according to the routines.
You understand?
No, not really.
If you would wear these.
Huh, I'd have prefer a white gardenia.
Very efficient.
They were made ready, just in case.
In case what?
You got itchy feet, shall we go?
[soft music]
You had no difficulty with your wife, Steve?
What business is that of yours?
In this organization any of us may
at any time be dependent on our colleagues for our lives.
Well, you'll never have to depend on us, sweetheart.
We work alone.
Really?
Really.
I wasn't told.
Oh, well, perhaps you're not to be trusted.
[door opens]
Do you know uh, if the chief wants to see me?
I do, and he doesn't.
Oh,
right.
I'm Gloria.
Are you really?
No, but then he's not really Culpepper.
I'm his secretary.
He's a very lucky man.
How's your dog?
Dying to meet you.
I really love big slobbery dogs.
Oh, we're gonna be friends.
I'm also mad about French cooking.
You certainly keep good files.
They're not my best point.
What are you doing tonight, Gloria?
You better find out what you're doing first.
Nothing would please me more, that's why I asked.
[door opens]
[clears throat] I see you've met Gloria.
I'm afraid it's downhill from now on.
Would you like the step inside?
Don't forget our arrangement.
Arrangement?
It'll come to you.
[clears throat] No calls, will it be to, Gloria.
She's terrific.
Now, sit down.
So, your wife's a teacher huh, Steve?
Yeah.
Is she a communist?
Presbyterian, I think.
It's not a departmental inquiry.
It's just that I have this private theory
about relationship between education
and the over developed social confidence.
Sometimes I think my dog's a Trotskyite.
Really, well I have to have one our
undercover dachshunds keep an eye on it.
Tell me, is you're a secretary
married or anything inconvenient?
No, my dear fellow, I wouldn't dream of doing that to you.
Now then, would you like some refreshments?
No, not for me.
Oh, good, because it would only be tea anyway.
I knew you'd come.
Well, you knew more than we did.
Yes, always will.
Don't be smug.
That's a little joke.
So you, uh, want to help, hey?
Once, perhaps we're entering a rather quiet period.
Off season.
I understand.
Well, what's the job then?
Not here. At the house.
What's that?
Oh, a briefing complex.
Doesn't it sound grand?
Typical example of departmental empire building.
When you want us there?
You free now?
[soft music]
How are you, sir?
Oh, I've had a bit of trouble with my back.
Otherwise all right.
Mud baths, sir. Somewhere in Italy.
The greengrocer was telling my wife.
Oh, really?
I could find out for you if you like.
These gentlemen with you, sir?
Oh, yes, excuse me.
Give the sergeant your tabs.
[machine ringing]
Weather's turned a bit chill.
Yes, I know.
I noticed it last night as a matter of fact.
It'll finish off the tomatoes.
Yeah, its a pity really
'cause I had a very good crop this season.
Room 8 then, sir.
Oh, good.
All right chaps, come along.
[soft music]
Righto. Here we are.
[soft music]
Right. Thank you, my dear.
[soft music]
Now, when you're quite finished looking at our furnishings,
we'll begin.
I never realized that cloak and dagger
was so cloak and dagger.
Ah, we like to keep our secrets a secret.
Yes, and I thought you were all ordinary blokes
in regulation offices doing dirty jobs.
Of course you did.
It's all the cult of the anti-hero.
It's done immeasurable harm to our image
and to recruitment.
Do, sit down.
Before we get underway,
I must apologize to you for the crudity
of the presentation you're about to witness.
Like all government departments
we felt the vicious swipe of the budget
and shed our bitter tears of inflation.
Hmm, anyway I'm sure you'll see what I mean [clears throat].
You know,
once we had the best modelling unit in the country.
What happened to it?
I believe they're all working
in the motion picture industry.
And that's the target?
Let me explain to you.
This here is a map of the Philippines.
That's Japan.
Oh. Oh yes. Knock me down, so it is.
You're absolutely right.
It's a beautiful country though, isn't it?
Frightful incompetence.
Still, I expect you know what they look like.
What?
The Philippines. Do pay attention.
Sorry.
But now these buildings here are in the Philippines.
Whereabouts?
Well, I'll give you proper maps for that.
That'd be of help.
Of course, this is the empire
of a man called Agostino Hernandez.
He,
is a baddie.
Who says?
Oh, everybody.
He's a manipulator, racketeer, fixer, all round nasty chap.
We don't kill.
Mmm, I know that.
[Culpepper] Well, this Mr. Hernandez is known
to keep his private papers in a safe
in the control room of this complex.
[Steve] What does this complex do?
[Culpepper] Oh, it makes things.
[Steve] Such as?
[Culpepper] The answer to that
and many other interesting questions are
in the said private papers.
So you want them?
No, I don't want them personally,
but the Filipino government would like them
in order to bring Mr. Hernandez to book.
Well, why don't they send in their own boys?
Well I shouldn't say this,
but I do think they are too sure of
which of their boys are on their side,
if you know what I mean.
So they've asked you to help?
What a remarkable double egg, you two are?
Why don't you help 'em?
You mean sending our own people?
Can you just see Mr. Hernandez if he caught them,
delighting in exposing them?
Can't you hear the Afro-Asian block of the UN
rising to its feet in single rattle of chairs,
protesting at our intervention
in the domestic affairs of a neighboring country? [laughs]
Oh no, no no, no. No, the ploy is,
to send in two mercenaries,
if you'll pardon the expression.
And then if you get caught well,
you're just a pair of big time burglars,
industrial espionage perhaps.
No government would ever admit
to having anything to do with you.
Super plan, isn't it?
Wonderful.
Well, let's see some film shall we?
I rather find films relaxing.
Lights,
and this film is taken in
and around the Hernandez citadel
by some cunning and sneaky little locals agents.
[tense music]
[film whirring]
Mr. Culpepper?
Hmm?
Is it a good film?
Great.
I told you, they always relax me.
[soft music]
[Culpepper] I'd like you to know that the resources
[Rod] I'd like to have Gloria.
[Rod] I'd [soft music] e Gloria.
Come through will you please, [Rod] I'd [sGloria.ic] e Gloria.
Right, now then, they are [Rod] I working with us. e Gloria.
[And you're working with them. r.
- All right? [And you're - Fine. with them. .
[And you're - Oh.e. with them. .
grab the papers and [And youget out again?th them. .
In a word,
no.
I'll lay on a submarine for you that will get you close.
There are four problems as I see it.
Getting from the submarine to the island
and back that's one.
Getting from the beach up to the complex,
getting through the alarm system,
and neutralizing the guards.
There are 120 armed guards there.
Hernandez is a very powerful man.
I told you it will be a challenge.
Anything else we should know?
Yes. Don't drink the water.
Book them into the farm for a week.
What?
It'll do you the world of good.
And get the secretary to give me someone new for you.
Very good sir.
[Culpepper] You'll liaise through Gloria.
Neither I nor my department have ever heard of you.
As far as I'm personally concerned,
I don't wanna see you again
until your return here bearing the Hernandez documents.
[clears throat] Goodbye.
Don't you mean good luck?
You make your own luck, in our trade.
So he has got a spine.
He survives.
Yeah, well, you'll be in touch.
That's right.
I thought...
What are you doing tonight?
Washing my hair.
Hm.
You got shampoo.
[Rod snickers]
- You looked at the maps? - Yes.
- You worked it out? - Nope.
- Any ideas? - Nope.
- Suggestions? - No.
You expect me to come up with a brilliant plan?
No.
What then?
I expect to wake up one morning
and find it all spread out in front of me.
Let's try and keep Gloria out of this.
She's a lovely girl mate, a lovely girl.
[birds chirping]
When's the caper come off?
Within a month.
That's why I like, plenty of time to get things organized.
[upbeat music]
Right, so far we're in.
You scale the cliffs on the south side
bringing you in there,
I've beached on the west side, which brings me in here.
I don't think there's any problems with the papers
in the control room do you?
But it's the getaway I can't figure out.
I mean how do we get out of the complex
and down an open 300 foot cliff to the submarine
after the alarm has been raised?
We'll think of something.
Look at the big brave men.
Do you think she's having a go at us?
Again?
Look, I can either go mad thinking about your antics
or I can stay sane by asking, what can I do to help?
[upbeat music]
[Rod] Hey, Bismark.
[upbeat music] [Rod screaming]
[soft music] [water splashing]
What fee did you quote Culpepper?
Rod, what fee did we quote Culpepper?
Hey?
Oh, honestly you didn't even discuss payment?
Steve!
Here comes Gloria.
Gloria.
Hey, Bismark.
Do you know what the rate for this kind of job is?
It's not a set scale.
They don't often employ freelance performers, too risky.
Thanks a lot.
But they will get paid.
If it can't be avoided.
Culpepper does tend to guard his budget
with the zeal of a true public servant.
Safe?
Yep.
Good.
Yes.
What is it?
Share it.
You still on speaking terms
with that bloke from Murray Bridge?
Because the wind lift from there to there is perfect.
What does this man from Murray bridge do?
He makes things.
Well, we'll get onto him whilst you're down on the farm.
We don't wanna go to your farm.
No we checked ourselves out, we're both fit.
Definite waste of time.
Rodney, it can't hurt you.
I booked you in for a week starting tomorrow.
Well, if you want my opinion.
[cannon firing]
[both laughing]
[engine revving]
[men shouting]
[engine revving]
[men shouting]
[man clears throat]
Seems I could be trusted with the job
of entertaining you for a few days.
So, welcome to the farm.
What goes on here?
All sorts of things.
Yeah, and what gets done?
With any luck sir,
you do.
[upbeat music]
Any preference for weapons?
Anything with a straight barrel.
We're not gonna be shooting anyone.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
I didn't realize you were nervous of firearms.
[dramatic music]
[guns firing]
Just like riding a bicycle. You never forget.
However much you'd like to.
[horses snorting]
What's next?
That along that gentlemen.
Stay between the marker flags.
What a light exercise, certainly.
Just testing your wind.
[Steve] Well, if I were them I'd be testing for nerve.
It's the only essential qualification for the job.
[Rod] So they're trying to push us off the track?
[Steve] Right on.
[Rod] And if we fall for it?
[Steve] Horrible things will happen.
[bomb exploding]
[horse neighing]
[Rod] See what you mean.
Okay, you set the pace.
[Steve] Thanks a lot.
[man laughing]
[upbeat music]
[bomb exploding] [upbeat music]
[guns firing]
[upbeat music]
[bomb exploding]
[upbeat music]
Well, this is goodbye old mate.
I mean, we've run your crooked mile, we've swam your river.
It's very boring.
So if you can direct us to the nearest railway station
we'll shuffle off.
I've got you for a week.
Yes, well, very kind but no thanks.
We got other plans.
I know all about your speedway frolics.
You wouldn't spoil our fun.
I'd quite like to try.
Anyhow, come to room A9 after lunch, will you?
I'll arrange the formalities for your discharge.
Julia,
where does this pack?
Dinghy two, bag one in the strapping.
Do I have to ride all that?
Yep.
Fine.
By the way, what is it?
It's a master timing console.
I wonder how they're coping at the farm.
They'll be coping.
[man grunting]
[man shouting]
[tense music]
[man screaming]
[Rod] Fancy taking on the two of us.
[Steve] How do you get the two of us?
You never did anything.
I held your coat.
[horse neighing]
[upbeat music]
[car crashes]
[upbeat music]
[fire extinguisher wheezing]
[upbeat music]
[crowd cheering]
You know, mate. I've been thinking about that farm,
those explosions.
They could hardly have afforded to kill us.
Yeah, lots of flash and bang and not much damage.
Well, it takes more than that to scare us.
[metal clanking]
Steel, hey?
Yeah.
Well I've been thinking a few explosions like that
with a lot of pretty smoke might scare off Hernandez
and his merry men.
Cunning effects, it's a good idea.
That's worth a thought.
Give us the multi-grips, will ya?
Multi-grips? What are you doing, taking out of spendings?
No, giving it a vasectomy.
[upbeat music]
[engines revving] [upbeat music]
[soft music]
Thanks.
The mission.
- Us. - All right us.
Yeah, us. I meant us.
[soft music]
You know Julie, it means a lot to me
that you understand why I'm doing this.
Why, are you gonna kiss me?
No, why I'm gonna go on this escapade.
Oh, that.
Well, I don't understand that at all.
[soft music]
[Julia laughs]
If you could imagine
the pressures that build up on a man
when he approaches moments of great
and unknown danger, then perhaps you try to help me
through this awful time.
Oh, Rodney, you two talk a lot.
[soft music]
[kisses dog] Bye fella. See you soon.
Bye love.
[soft music]
[soft music]
[Commander speaks indistinctly]
10 degrees, 30 minutes north.
125 degrees, 10 minutes east.
I'm Lieutenant Commander Carson, Naval Intelligence.
Mr. Culpepper asked me to look after you.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm a courier.
I have to take you to this point
and pick you up there 10 hours later.
Agreed?
That's all we want.
It's all you get.
10 hours and 10 seconds after you disembark,
the Captain will turn the boat for home.
Understood?
Yes, that's clear.
I hope you'll be comfortable aboard.
Thank you.
Right, God knows how you're going to crack it.
And he's not telling.
[men marching]
[seagull squawking]
[dramatic music]
Standby to surface.
[man speaking indistinctly]
Surface.
[dramatic music]
It'll be nine o'clock by the time you hit the island.
- Yes. - You're mad.
I would go in on the cover of darkness.
Yes, well we found that people with something to hide
expect things to go bump in the night.
Besides, my friend is shortsighted.
[dramatic music]
[water splashing]
[dramatic music]
[boat engine revving]
[dramatic music]
[submarine siren blaring]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, Julia, it's Culpepper here.
[Culpepper] I 'm not disturbing you am I?
[Culpepper] It's my natural I 'm magnetism, my dear.am I?
I've just been advised that Ithe mission is now underway.
Would you like me to come across to your place
and we can wait for the office to phone through the outcome?
All right.
Oh, good.
Oh, by the way, do you play chess?
A little.
Oh, that is nice.
Yes, I find chess very relaxing.
[upbeat music]
[waves splashing] [upbeat music]
What are the rules of this game?
The law of the jungle.
[dramatic music]
[birds chirping]
[dramatic music] [wind blowing]
[tense music]
[men talking in foreign language]
[tense music]
[can spraying]
[dramatic music]
[feet pattering]
[dramatic music]
[men talking in foreign language]
[men laughing]
[funky music]
[water splashing]
[funky music]
[water bubbling]
[zipper opening]
[men shouting in foreign language]
I'm looking for the American Express office.
[men shouting in foreign language]
That way? That way?
[men talking in foreign language]
Relax fellas, relax fellas.
I don't speak English, I don't speak English.
It's a camera.
Camera?
- Click, click? - Click, click.
I'll show you, okay, thank you.
Just show you, now look.
Hold on, smile.
Press that one.
Press that one in hard.
Now press that one there.
[bomb exploding]
[men shouting in foreign language]
Excuse me.
[dramatic music]
[alarm blaring]
[wind blowing] [dramatic music]
Looks a little heavy.
[Rod shouting in foreign language]
Move it, over here. Over, over! Move, move!
Now! Move it! Move it!
Back up, back up, back up, back up!
Hold it right there.
What do you want?
I've come to read the meter.
Out, move!
[Rod speaking foreign language]
Move, move.
[dramatic music]
[bombs exploding]
[dramatic music]
[Rod breathing heavily]
[dramatic music]
[man shouting]
[dramatic music]
[man shouting]
[alarm blaring]
[dramatic music] [men shouting]
[bomb exploding]
[dramatic music]
[men shouting]
[alarm blaring]
[bomb exploding]
[men shouting]
[dramatic music] [alarm blaring]
[men shouting]
[bombs exploding]
[alarm blaring]
[soft music]
[dramatic music]
[alarm blaring]
[guns firing] [bombs exploding]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music] [metal clanking]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music]
[men shouting]
[bombs exploding]
[dramatic music]
[smoke flare whistling]
[dramatic music]
[bombs exploding]
[dramatic music]
[gun firing]
[bombs exploding]
[men shouting]
[dramatic music] [alarm blaring]
[men shouting]
[dramatic music]
[guns firing]
[dramatic music]
[hang glider splashing]
[dramatic music]
Check and mate.
Good Lord, they've made it.
Culpepper will be pleased.
[water splashing]
[phone ringing]
I'll get it.
Culpepper.
Mm, right.
Well, it's good news.
They've got the papers.
Now you can have your husband back.
[Julia laughing]
Oh, steady on.
Hey, what about me?
[soft music]
Hey, there's a preview of your latest epic tomorrow.
Wanna come?
[soft music]
[crowd chattering]
Can we all sit down then, people?
[crowd chattering]
Ready to go.
The world premiere of this epic production,
three years in the making, a credit to all concerned,
particularly me.
Boiled lolly?
[men screaming]
[horses neighing]
[dramatic music]
[people screaming]
[horses neighing]
[swords clanking]
At the end of a hard day's work
a man needs a deodorant that won't let him down.
And this is the one, William.
It's a conqueror.
[dramatic music]
Magnificent.
It's a living.
[engine revving]
Higher
Higher
Fly high. Reach for the sky
Death cheater
You should smile, play it with style
Death cheater
Haven't you noticed how late it seems
Haven't you built your world on dreams
Didn't you gamble each moment on
Could you
Be wrong
Haven't you noticed how late it seems
Haven't you built your world on dreams
Didn't you gamble each moment on
Could you
Be wrong
Fly high. Reach for the sky
Death cheater
You know it's a game you must play without fame
Death cheater
You should smile, play it with style
Death cheater