Deathgasm 2: Goremageddon (2026) Movie Script
1
Do you remember when
he saved the whole motherfucking world b
Behold his glory
He did this all for you, my god damn fri
In times of war we need a hero to save u
But we're stuck with Brodie
Yeah he saved the fuckin world
His name is Brodie
After he unleashed the devil's hordes
Yeah, he fought the demons 'til they fel
Cause his balls-up opened the gates of h
His name is Brodie
H's a LARPing metal geek
His name is Brodie
Still needs a nightlight just to sleep
Beat up some demons with a rubber dong
This is Brodi's goddamn fuckin' song
His name is Brodie
Kicked some demons in the sack.
Although his pants were a bit shat.
Biceps softer than cookie dough.
But he saved the day with a sick solo!
(sick guitar solo)
His name is Brodie
Fuck yeah!
Do you remember when
He had to kill this bandmate - his best
True fucking story, he finally
ended up with his dream girl
Till she dumped his broke ass,
Now i's Brodie against?the?world
(Metal as fuck scream)
(Explosion)
Dude, why are you naked?
I got bored, bro, when you passed out
and decided to play solitaire
Strip solitaire.
Oh no, hey, Rattlehead, No, no, hey, no
You seen my t-shirt anyway bro?
No
I'm gonna grab one of yours
Iron Maiden?
No fucking way, that's vintage
What about this one, Metallica?
What album?
Load
That's my wank rag
Oh, fuck!
Oh, this'll do.
No, no, no way, any shirt but that.
T-Take Iron Maiden
This is Medina's old shirt isn't it?
Please just take it off
I heard she's playing some
pretty big shows in the city, bro
Bet she's pulling a lot of dude groupies
She'll be up to her neck in, like, cocks
Dude, shut up.
Like a tornado of dicks, man.
A Dicknado
Guyclone.
Okay, okay, I get it.
She's probably having sex.
Jizzard.
Medina's getting sprayed with all this m
Dude, shut up.
Get fucking...
Stop!
Take the t-shirt off now.
Oh, fucking stinky cunt.
It's hormonal.
Here, have your fucking "Medina shirt" b
Black Hymn is absolute power.
We should learn this, turn it into a Dea
Deathgasm song, Deathgasm song. Deathgas
[Screams]
Juvenile.
Useless.
Offensive.
Stupid.
You're ex-employers. They all hate you.
Me? What about them?
They were like ordering me
around all day, telling me what to do.
They were so...
Bossy. Yeah. Bosses tend to be bossy.
Okay. Well, let's thoroughly assess your
Okay.
And we're done.
You have no education.
Well, that's because there was a
demon apocalypse at my high school.
It's pretty hard to learn when your
teacher is possessed and talking gibberi
Mmm.
You could have learned Latin, Yeah?
Personal presentation. This
can be quite a sensitive topic.
But let's state the obvious.
The body odour.
You are unbearably smelly.
You sweat like Kevin Spacey in a ball pi
Not in a good way.
I just want to forcibly scrub you with t
lousing powder every time you come in he
Okay. Well, that's easy. I'll just spray
myself with a bit more Lynx next time.
So is that it?
Not even close.
Uh, bad breath.
Weird voice.
What?
Dandruff.
Objectively unattractive.
Whoa. That's pretty harsh.
It's not me saying it. It's the form.
Look, facial unpleasantness aside...
the hair and beard make you look like a
Look, I'm out of ideas.
I want to play guitar.
I- I want to shred at big metal shows.
I was like you, mate.
Used to be in a band.
What? The guitar?
Triangle.
Yeah.
I wanted to work my way up to the top.
Go pro.
A pro... triangle-er?
Yeah, but the triangle scene is so bitch
Now look at me.
Livin' La Vida Loca, mate.
Yeah. Um...
Look, if you can't keep a job, I'm going
to have to cut your welfare payments.
What? No, no, you can't do that.
Oh, but I can. Yeah. Very easy.
Big red button.
Sometimes I hit on an accident.
Whoa.
Cut, cut, cut.
Yeah, they don't even realise, till the
People come in, moaning.
Oh, my kids are sleeping in a skip.
I went to sell my meat flaps to
a bunch of truckies in the car park
to get a finger blasted for some baby fo
Ugh, never hear the end of it.
I do actually know someone
that could help you, though.
Isn't that your job?
Jesus Christ.
Look, if you come to my prayer group,
help clean up around the church a bit,
I won't cut your welfare.
Well, you can't make me go to church.
Yeah, but I can cut your money.
I don't like doing it, but...
You do like doing it though?
Oh, yes, I do. I love doing it.
It's that big old button.
Cut, cut, cut.
It's addictive. It's very addictive.
Thank you.
Fuck yes. Now that's a record, man.
[Both] Hello?
Hello. Is that you, Medina?
Fuck, Brodie, I told you to stop calling
No, no, no. It-it-it's me. It's Bro-It-i
Yeah, no, I know it's you, Brodie.
No one else drunk dials me at 3 in the m
Wha? No, it's 10:30.
Wait.
Oh, I am so, so sorry..
Uh, for everything,
you know, and I wanted to just say,
I wanted to tell you that...
That you love me. I know.
You drunk call me and do this every week
Just move on, okay, Brodie?
I have.
(click)
(Cheering)
Hey, Mr. Cranfield.
(Laughter)
Oh. Sorry, dude.
Are you an unemployed friendless
loser who dreams of being a star?
Pfft. No. I got a dog.
If you just talked at the TV, then
this next story might be for you!
Rock contest, NOIZEQUEST, is
giving bands a shot at metal stardom.
Prices include ten thousand
dollars cash and a record deal.
This year, the self-described
"Heartcore" band Rewind Her Funeral Tape
are hot favourites.
Hello, my beautiful children.
Other metal bands sing about...
...murder, Satan, dragons...
...cringe boomer shit.
I write about real human emotions.
Like when my grandma died.
(Sighs)
I got her inked right here.
I based it on an old pic from
when she was still bangable.
Grandma...
The fabric of the band has
been stitched in diversity.
I myself happen to be openly lactose int
Vinny is neurodivergent.
He can't read, write.
Mikey, whilst not technically a
"little person", is very fucking short.
I tried to measure him once, but he got
And our new singer, she just so
happens to be rocking the XX chromosomes
Check her out, Medina.
Medina?
Isn't she glamorous and beautiful...
Mysterious.
Non-binary, I think.
Uh...
Yes?
No?
I created my own genre, and I coined it.
Heartcore.
And Medina was actually there
when I came up with it, weren't you?
I'm...
...constantly surprised by some of the t
that come out of Jesse's mouth... public
Accompany me on our Heartcore revolution
Fuck!
(Knocking)
Oh!
Didn't know you were home.
I'm home.
I did knock.
I'm here to repo a guitar.
I'll get you a bag.
(Air guitar sounds)
(Mouth guitar sounds)
(More air guitar sounds)
No. No way.
Stupid idea.
Probably shouldn't...
Alright. Come on.
Bro.
I got one fucking arm.
How am I meant to scale a fence?
I'm gonna bail.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, you can't ba
Look, I'm sorry I can't help you
teabag corpses or whatever, bro.
Dude, I'm gonna go home and have a pizza
topped with Oreos and have a sad wank.
I need this.
Laters, bro.
Fuck.
What the fuck are you thinking, bro?
Last time we played those pages,
we almost destroyed the world.
All hell's gonna break loose, and my one
remaining arm's gonna get ripped off and
shoved up my ass by a giant fucking demo
When I last translated those
pages, there were other spells.
Not just for summoning demons, but spell
making you rich.
You don't need magic for that. Just get
And spells for bringing the dead back to
Dude, this whole thing stinks like a bou
We owe it to Zakk and Dion, okay?
We were the ones that got
them killed in the first place.
You got them killed!
I just want it to be like it was in the
You know, back when things were like,
Brutal as fuck!
(Guitar power chord)
That's getting so old, bro.
(Guitar string breaks)
Man,
It's crazy how they refuse to let Zakk
and Dion be buried within with the norms
Well, most of the townspeople still
think we're the ones behind the murders.
I mean, they kinda have a point, bro.
Righty-oh!
Here we are. Let's do this. Did you brin
Yeah, bro.
A recorder?
What the fuck are you, the Pied Piper?
Well, dude, it was this or me dragging m
through a fucking graveyard,
bro. Just fucking take it.
This says if it's not played right,
they'd come come back wrong.
Wrong?
Yeah, but they'll be fine. Fine.
I mean, how hard can it be, right?
Five-year-olds play these things.
Yeah, yeah, but you...
You do know how to play a recorder, righ
Yeah, yeah.
Piece of piss.
[badly played recorder]
So... not too bad, eh?
That fucking sucked.
Fuck me!
Well, it didn't work anyway, so...
Maybe you're all right. Maybe it's just
Thank you.
Let's get out of here.
Share a pizza?
Yeah, bro.
Thanks, man.
With Oreos and jizz
(Window breaking)
(Bottles breaking)
(Metal music plays)
Zakk?
(Metal music keeps playing)
(Dog wailing)
Rattlehead!
Rattlehead?
Dion?
You ate my fucking dog, dude!
(Zombie Scream)
(Metal music keeps playing)
Zakk!
Zakk, help me!
[DION]: Fuck!!!
[DION]: Oi, body! Hey!
Brodie?
[DION]: Body, down here!
[DION]: Pick me up.
[DION]: OW! Oh fuck!
[DION]: Dickhead, no! Over!
[DION]:: For fuck's sake.
[DION]: That's a cushion, you dick.
(Bottles breaking)
Oh, watch this, watch this.
He loves that album.
Hey, bro.
Awesome album, eh?
See? He loves it.
Oh man, we did it.
No! We need to re-kill them!
No way!
Look, Zakk is responding to the metal.
Okay, We can teach him.
We can win NOIZEQUEST.
Bro! They are fucking dead!
OK, so we'll all wear corpse paint
and no one will know the difference.
Noooo
Alright, we'll split the winnings. 5K ea
5K each?
5K each.
Fuck!
Ok.
But I'm keeping that Iron Maiden t-shirt
Where are the Rotten Cock Brothers?
(Glass breaking)
(Urinating)
[giggling]
Roger?
Is that you?
[giggling]
[giggling]
Eww. You forgot to wipe your growler.
Ahh! Holy fuck!
[Flush]
(Screams)
Yeah. Get her body.
Give me!
Give me. Give me.
W're doing this stupid way.
Poke it in our neck hole.
Oh. Left. Left a bit.
You keep overshooting it.
OK, got it.
That's it.
Cool.
We got there.
Jen? You OK?
(Screams)
(Screams)
Fucking Christ!
Zakk!
What are you doing?
Hangin' out. Eating guts and shit.
Here, dig in, ladies.
Shit, bro.
Police are gonna be real happy,
you buried them in shallow graves
on your property.
What happened?
The fuck are we?
It's the guts, OK?
After they ate the guts, they got, like,
almost back to normal.
But what happens when they need to eat a
Do we just feed them hobos until NOIZEQU
I haven't figured that part out yet but
it's totally gonna work, dude.
Just like the old times.
(Awesome Heavy Metal Music)
Hey, Jesse, did you want some help with
I'm the one who has to sing them, so...
I'm fine.
What rhymes with... 'nadir'?
How about reindeer? Like, you
can make it a Christmas song.
Ana, um, what is it that you are drawing
Just working on some new flash.
Oh.
Oh, my God. I totally should tattoo you.
I'm pretty good. Check it out.
Anal?
No, silly, it says Ana. Just has a fancy
Then there's this...
Nowam lived?
It's supposed to say "devil woman".
I did it in the mirror...
Shh...
(Growl)
All right, look.
If this doesn't work out my welfare gets
So just be normal.
Bro... Hungry...
Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here with y
Okay, I gotta keep an eye on you.
You can't keep murdering random people.
Here we go.
(Growls)
Okay, um, please all welcome
Brodie to tonight's prayer group.
[Prayer Group]: Hi, Brodie.
Brodie has also brought a friend along t
What did you say your name was?
Zakk!
Um, it's Zakk.
[Prayer Group]: Hi, Zakk.
Hi, Zakk.
Be polite, yeah?
You guys have wicked instruments.
Brodie, could you please read tonight's
John 11.
Um, Jesus was still angry as he arrived
A cave with a stone rolled across its en
"Remove the stone," he ordered.
But Martha protested.
"Lord, he has been dead for four days."
"...For four days. The smell will be ter
Yeah, thank you.
Now let us all close our eyes in prayer.
"O divine master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to consol
"So it is that we must eat the body
of our Lord's Saviour, Jesus Christ,
"to love is to be loved,
when there is darkness, light.
And when there is sadness, joy.
"To be consoled is to console.
"To be understood is to understand.
"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peac
"For it is in giving that we receive.
"It is in self-forgetting that we find."
"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
"And it is in dying to ourselves
that we are born to eternal life."
"Where there is doubt, faith."
"Amen."
Oh. Oh, why are you topless, Brodie?
Ah, yeah. I just got a bit hot.
Thinking about Jesus, you know.
Where's Mrs. Slooton?
I think she bailed.
Ah, sweet lady.
(Growling & eating sounds)
By the way, I clogged the shitter in the
(Feedback)
The police are gonna trace this back to
We are fucked!
What's your plan for prison?
I'm gonna dry out a shit and sharpen it
cause nobody wants to get stabbed by poo
No-one's gonna do any poo-stabbing.
It's gonna be fine.
OK, let's start with something easy
How about, umm, how about 'Count Ejacula
Why did you bring me back?
I'm always cold, bro.
I smell like rot and I crave guts all th
I think you should just kill me.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't be li
I brought you back so we could rock
out, man, like old times, you know?
Brotherhood of Steel? Come on.
Oh!
Um...
Here, get this back on...
Ah! That's it.
(Flies buzzing)
Oh, actually, um...
While we're here, we'll just...
God, I need a drink.
Dion, fetch, beer.
Get your own beer.
(Electric zapping)
Oh fuck, okay, okay.
Is that a shock collar?
Giles, he's not a dog.
Yeah, well, at least my zombie
hasn't murdered anyone lately.
Did notice you're, uh, running
out of backyard space, mate.
Here you go, dickhead.
OK, OK, can we just practice?
Uh, Zakk, why don't you kick it off
with one of those new bass lines?
Jesus.
You OK, bro?
Um, OK, Dion, maybe show us your keyboar
Fuck. I forgot to pay the power bill.
I'm so sorry, guys.
We're gonna need to find a new place to
OK, everybody out. Come on.
OK, I'm gonna head for the door.
[Crashing] [Giles]: (IN PAIN) Aw f-
[Brodie]: OK, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[Brodie]: Maybe we need to wait for our
OK, can anybody see anything?
[Zakk]: Nothing.
[Dion]: How about me Brodie?
[Dion]: Can you see how many fingers I'm
(Killer heavy metal music)
(Killer heavy metal music)
(8's METAL MUSIC)
Home, Sweet Home.
Holy shit, this place is sick!
How'd you score this?
The owner knows my mum.
It doesn't open till night, so we
get to rehearse here during the day.
Really?
Yeah, the owner's totally boning your mu
Yeah.
What? No, Uncle Jerry's cool.
He comes round to visit sometimes.
He gives me money to go see a movie.
Fucking idiots.
(Heavenly harp sounds)
Oh, don't...
[Sniffing]
(8's METAL MUSIC)
It's definitely a pube...
OK, awesome.
Well, let's have a crack at"Medin".
A fucking love song?
This is important.
Bro, just have a wank so we
can go back to playing cool shit.
OK, I literally raised the dead to make
From the top.
(Music plays)
No, no, no, it sucks.
So hungry.
It's fine, OK?
It's a NOIZEQUEST soon.
There's going to be tons of guts there.
Holy shit.
Wait here.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you in Grey Point long or?
Just for NOIZEQUEST.
Oh, yeah, with Rewind Her Funeral Tape.
Yes, actually.
Got some...
pretty big negotiations with some major
Wow, really?
You know what, Brodie? Fuck you.
OK, if you actually cared about me, you
You know, I'm actually working my arse o
rather than rotting away in this shit ho
Yeah, well, what about Deathgasm?
We were going nowhere.
You expected me to stick around forever
listening to you mope about losing Zakk.
You know, you're one of the
best shredders that I've ever seen.
But you hardly ever practice.
You show up to gigs wasted.
You need to stop feeling sorry for yours
and get your shit together.
Yeah, what, like Jesse Dead?
Look, Jesse has... issues...
but he works fucking hard and
he's super committed to his band.
The only thing that Jesse Dead works har
is looking like a fucking...
"Looking like a fucking" what?
Nothing. Nothing.
Just leave it, Jesse.
Shh.
You're about to say it's slur, weren't y
No, I wasn't.
Oh, shit.
Medina...
this is your ex-boyfriend, right?
The Toad Man you were telling me about.
Don't be ashamed of who you are, okay?
Be proud.
Be proud of having a bum for a face.
I love your bum face.
Right.
Oh!
Ahhh!
That patch.
Are you really a fan of them?
What, you mean a fan of-
Shut up!
Don't you ever say their name.
I mean...
Well, I wouldn't say fan.
I'm going to punch you now.
Jesse! Don't!
These beads are from ancient Egypt.
Suck on them and you shall
be forgiven for your misdeeds.
Count yourself lucky...
that you don't have any problematic
band tattoos that need removing.
Why do you have a laser?
Cheese grater.
Sends a message.
(Screams & growls)
Zakk! Get him!
(Screams & bell ringing)
Kill! Kill!
Practicing some of my lyrics.
"Zakk! Get him! Kill.."
I'd love to stay and chat, but,
I've got to go over there and be success
Let us ride forward. Into the revolution
And navigate the world.
Stay behind me.
Woman, get back here.
Woman, behind me.
Do you remember when...
you saved the whole motherfucking world
Cuz your name is Brodie
Yeah, you saved the fucking world.
Your name is Brodie
Holy shit.
Matt Heafy from Trivium.
What are you doing here in the ass end o
Wherever there's a metalhead in trouble,
I don't know.
I fucked up pretty bad.
I don't think it can be unfucked.
So you summoned the dead to play in your
and they started eating people...
That happens all the time.
I've got your back, Bro. First we need t
(Scream)
(Flesh eating sounds)
Oh my God! Oh, what the fuck?
No!!
(Scream)
Help, Brodie!
Look, would it help if I said, sorry?
Well, are you sorry?
I'm sorry I didn't chew more...
that Heafy is fucking repeating on me, m
(Zapping sound)
(Scream)
Get. Me. A. Drink.
I'm going to attach another shock collar
I said to stop shocking him.
It's discipline! And don't
forget my lemon slice next time.
You slip up one day and then I'll get th
remote and I'll stick it up your ass! Ah
(Zapping sound)
The training is going well.
(Flesh eating sounds)
Oh.
Easy there, little guy...
Easy there...
What you got there?
(Screams)
(Death metal music)
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Singing rugby song)
Time to beat the meat!
(Screams)
Hardly seem sporting for the poor little
(Screams)
My dick! My little dick!
(Growl)
Fuck me!
(Laughing)
I've had a gutsful man.
We need to kill them.
Giles, they're undead.
Yeah, well we need to make them...
...un-undead...
I don't...
If they run out of guts, they'll turn on
You know they will.
Okay, look, first we win the contest...
Yeah, that's not gonna happen!
...and then I'll...
...put them to sleep.
Dogs, get put to sleep.
But Dion is getting a pipe bomb supposit
...if I don't get my drink soon.
Dion!?
Dion!?
Fuck, oh, what am I doing?
Alright.
Dion, where are you, little fuck?
C'mon, mate...
Where is that little fucking cunt?
Oh...
What...
...did he do...
...with...
...their dicks!
(Flies buzzing)
Dion's done a runner with them like some
...Cock Burglar.
Even your mum hasn't taken this many dic
Okay, look, we need bleach.
Bleach in our eyes isn't gonna
help us unsee this shit, man!
No, to clean up.
I'm out, alright?
Summoning undead monsters is one thing..
...but I draw the line at manual labour.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on.
Look, we can't pike now.
Why not?
I love piking!
Piking is the shit!
Hey look, this is our shot, okay?
To show the world we're not losers.
What have I got left? Nothing.
You...
You've got...
You've got a dog.
Dion ate it.
Fuck.
True that.
(Metal music)
No way.
We must be in the wrong place
this can't be a NOIZEQUEST.
This is New Zealand.
I mean, what were you expecting?
At least a sound shell.
And where are the crowds?
It's just a couple of pasty spotty virgi
Hey...
Love the look, guys.
You know I wasn't talking about you just
Oh.
I see you bought my album.
Would you like me to sign that for you?
Well, get the fuck out of here then!
Jesus Christ.
(Metal music)
My God.
I think my ears have just contracted her
Hey, watch out.
Those guys are searching people
for drugs near the bathrooms.
I got frisked.
Hold this.
Whoa.
Wow!
Where'd you learn to fight like that?
I can't believe you beat up drug inspect
Yeah.
Ew.
Ew.
(Electric sounds)
Scream for me, Grey Point.
Scream for me!
Yes.
That's it.
Rise.
Rise, my undead army.
My legion of doom!
My black masses.
My...
(Thunder)
...where are my masses?
Un-fucking believable.
Is it really just you, jokers?
Well, how are we going to destroy the wo
We'll be lucky if we could destroy a bou
Pathetic!
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
Where are you going?
We can still destroy a little bit of the
Smash some phone booths.
Or rampage a Macca's,
turn some others into zombies.
We'll just see where the night takes us.
Yes!
Yes.
Yes!!
Oh, nothing can stop me.
And my...
...small gaggle of doom.
That's it.
Yeah.
Get your shamble on
Romero it.
Yeah?
Maybe let out a few"MMRRRGGH'".
Yeah, yeah!
Nice, nice!
People will go mad with
terror when they see us coming.
Ohhhhh!
Let's go shopping!
We wage war on the living!
And burn their houses.
Desecrate their churches.
Then fiddle with their corpses.
(Laughing)
But first...
we roll.
Fuck!
I mean, fuck yeah!
Lucky number one!
Victory is certain!
(Police sirens)
(Metal music)
Oh goodie.
(Screams)
(Death metal music)
Oh, your benefit is cut.
Cut!
Bludging parasite!
You're cut.
You're poor. You're poor!
Cut, cut.
That's enough fun for tonight.
There's work to be done.
I'm on to you, Brodie.
(Loads gun)
They call me the "ghoulie-sniffer".
I have the ability to smell evil out fro
(Growl)
Oh, hello.
Were you there the whole time?
(Screams)
Stop!
I'm a government employee!
(Growl)
Brodie sent you.
I know all about your evil little
coven of Satan, buggers.
I'm cutting your welfare!
Devil worshippers...
...time to accept Jesus' love.
All nine millimeters of it.
Okay, go like this.
Jesus, man.
Forget bush...
this chick's got a fucking rainforest.
Now for the eyes, I'm thinking maybe lik
Actually, you're good. You're done.
You feeling more brutal?
I feel hungry.
Already?
Here you go, Bro.
Fuck this.
I've got guts full of... guts.
Dude, you have to eat those, you're a zo
I don't have to do shit.
I used to think murder was cool,
and now that lame cunt Dion's doing it.
I'm over it.
You know what?
I'm quitting eating people.
Bro, you know what that means though, ri
It means you're a...
...vegan zombie.
Fuck it.
At least I'm following my own
path instead of being a mindless...
...you know.
Same old Zakk.
Being a stubborn cunt doing the
opposite of what people expect.
That's metal as fuck.
Still might have the odd nibble on
the ethically sourced entrails, but...
no more killing.
All right, I think we're ready. Let's go
I'll go get the gats.
Our set's gonna suck, bro.
We've had, like, fuck all practice.
And we're down a keyboard player.
Already sussed.
I recorded all of Dion's keyboard
parts just in case he died.
What does that one say?
Does that one say drums?
Ah, no, nothing.
The fuck you playing at, Brodie?
That's fine. All right, if we leave now,
can make it in time for another rehearsa
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Get off, you fucking useless shit.
Fuck!
Come here you, bastard!
You aren't going nowhere, Satan boy.
Uh, did you mean, like...
anywhere?
Because if he ain't going nowhere,
then I think he is going somewhere.
Listen, smartass.
I don't take shit from no one, OK?
If you want your mate here to make it ou
Maybe not correct me again!
I meant...
Yeah?
I'll kill this demon worshipper to death
(Whispering) Don't you fucking...
Zakk!
Get him, Zakk!
Kill this guy!
Murder him! Rub his guts out!
He's a ginger! Fuck this guy up!
Did I fucking stutter before?
Let's start over.
(Thrash metal)
(Screams)
Fucking shit!
Just relax, OK? Follow my lead.
Jonno's harmless.
Besides, he can't kill us.
The Bible won't let him.
He's a welfare case manager.
Do you know what they do to people
who are too useless and deranged to work
What?
They make them welfare case managers.
Relax. It's gonna be fine, OK?
He's gonna find out we're the good
guys, and he's gonna just let us go.
Oh! Oh, good grief.
So many graves.
Dead bodies.
Not even buried that deep.
Is that a leg?
...Mrs. Slooton?
Monsters!
OK. Well, y'know, he can't hurt us.
He's a Christian. Heh.
Oh!
Fuck!
Ah!
Look, there's been a big misunderstandin
I can explain everything.
Does it involve dark occult magic?
No!
Ah well...
a little bit.
OK, so we did use black magic to
bring our mates back as zombies.
Ok.
And the dead bodies?
Yeah, well, OK. Turns out zombies
are a bit more bitey than we thought.
We had no idea.
And they're like bloody pit bulls.
Like, you turn your back for one
second and they're mauling a rando
And we did try to stop them, but
it's kind of like David Attenborough,
when he's filming and he sees, like, he
A giraffe face fucking a python.
Dude, what?
Yeah, and old man Attenborough,
he's like, "And that's nature".
And then they film, like, a giraffe
using a snake as a pocket pussy.
Jesus.
So, yeah, so, anyway, it's kind
of the same situation for us.
And when you think about it, you know,
although they are ugly, mindless monster
I'm right here.
Aren't they God's creatures, too?
You guys think I'm stupid, eh?
Cut the bullcrap, lads!
No, look, it's all true, apart from
the giraffe pocket pussy thing.
I bet it's happened at least once, cunt.
Oh.
I've unmasked a Dungeons & Dragons death
What?
Actually, that's Leviathan's and Labyrin
We couldn't get a license to use the one
So... you lure people in here...
...to play a game of Dungeons & Dragons.
Uhh, Leviathan's and Labyrinth's.
So what, are we gonna cut there?
Are we gonna, what, retake?
I mean, we're just gonna fix it in post?
Fix it in post.
Sweet, I'm sure, no one will notice.
Once you finished playing...
[Voice over]~Leviathan's and Labyrinth's
...you kill them!
Fiddle with their corpses.
Eat their little arseholes, eh?
Not anymore. I'm a vegan.
We know. You mention it every five minut
I should call the police.
But I must follow the teachings of the g
Forgiveness?
Kindness?
Death by stoning.
Pfft. Fucking bring it on.
I once smoked a full ounce of nuggs in o
It was all Brodie's fault!
Untie me! Give me some stones!
I'll fucking stone the cunt myself!
Giles, your throw is limper
than a retirement village gangbang.
Having a go at the arm...
No, I was not. Besides, there's
nothing wrong with the arm.
It's just attached to a pathetic sack of
(Growls)
Oh! Oh! It's...
[Voice over]~Leviathan's and Labyrinth's
...Fans!
Die, you evil bastard!
God!
Why are there more zombies, Brodie?
Have you been noodling with
the forces of darkness again?
It wasn't me. I don't know. Maybe
it's an unrelated zombie outbreak.
Wait, are those not your...
[Voice over]~Leviathan's and Labyrinth's
...mates?
Quick! Does the Bible of any tips for ki
Uh, murder... incest...
God makes a bear kill children...
...more incest...
Uh, this should work.
Damn it.
Where's that cunt going?
(Growls)
Spin clockwise!
No, no, no!
Counterclock wise!
Holy shit!
Line me up!
Stop spinning!
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna hurl, guys.
Oh, God.
That was foul.
(Metal music)
Hey!
You animals!
What do you think you're doing?
Never seen anything so disgusting in my
Nothing but filthy gatecrashers!
I don't see a single wristband in here!
So either you go to the front door and y
all major credit cards and
digital wallets accepted,
or you filthy gatecrashers are gonna
Get. These. Hands.
(Metal music)
Come on!
Die, gatecrasher!
Get off me!
Get the fuck off me!
My hand!
(Screams)
No!
No! No!
Ah, my hands!
(Screams)
Fuck, man, it's all turned to custard ag
Oh, don't mention food.
Maybe it'll just go away by itself, yeah
Go away by itself?
It's a zombie apocalypse, Brodie
not a bad case of the fucking squirts!
Where the fuck are we going anyway?
Noizequest.
Noizequest??
You got a Medina stiffy again?
Fuck's sake, bro.
Just pull over and have a wank, all righ
Look, there's a Kmart catalogue in the g
Page five.
Premium jerk-off material, man.
The knickers page.
A bit sticky, but...
Now, we've got to play the 'Uno reverse'
The old play the song backwards thing.
It worked last time, remember?
I remember it made no sense and was stup
Okay, well, the NOIZEQUEST amps are goin
blast the reverse magic music
all across town, and, you know,
if we happen to see Medina, then we happ
You do have the pages though, right?
Yes, I said.
Shit, living or dead?
Doesn't matter, don't stop.
I can't, it's against the road code.
Fuck.
Dion?
I knew we shouldn't have stopped.
Oh, Jesus!
So that's where they went?
Classic Dion.
Always collecting things, eh?
Glad you're okay, dude.
We thought we lost you back at the...
Oh, cut the shit.
You didn't lose me, I emancipated myself
Whatever tickles your pickle.
Are you going to a fancy dress party?
No.
Thought I'd look snazzy for the special
Oh, rad!
Oh, for a second there I thought you
were bailing on NOIZEQUEST.
Noizequest?
I'm not playing with you tossers.
So what's with the clothes?
It's coronation night.
I'm the king of the dead.
Rise, my undead army, rise!
(Plays music)
I thought you had the pages.
I do! I mean, I did!
(Reserection music)
Oh, my god! It...
It's... well, it's a handful. Uhm.
It's almost a bunch.
Pretty scary.
This modest smattering of
zombies is like loosely surrounding us.
We don't have weapons. I mean, what do w
Okay, we don't have weapons, but we do h
Bash them, Zakk! Kill them!
I keep saying I'm done with killing.
But bro, it's not murder, cuz they're al
Okay, they're getting a bit closer now.
Um, okay.
Hey, Zakk.
Heard some of those zombies calling you
I don't care.
Which one though?
All of them.
And they were also saying that you sit d
in public loos and pee like a little gir
I'm sorry, how do they not know that I
was wee-ing about to take a poo?
I heard the one saying that Zakk's
got a really soft limp handshake as well
Well, I can't help that. My hands have b
rotting in the ground for the last ten y
Yeah, but they also said that you ride a
one with a low bar, so you don't bump yo
That bike was unisex.
(Metal music)
Fuck!
That was pretty fucked, bro.
Oh, jeez!
Take it easy on that one.
Fuck me!
Far out...
Impressive.
But they were pawns.
Now you face the Queen!
Called it.
Ay-yi-yi-yi!!!
Um.
Stalemate?
(Screams)
(Screams)
I am a limbless freak!
Oh, get fucked, cunt!
Oh, another sprinkling of zombies.
Quick, let's bail.
Hang on, hang on. The Black Hymn.
Let's go.
Ah! How dare they foil my vengeance!
I'm gonna have to avenge the vengeance
foiling and take my original vengeance.
Follow me!
Fuck it. My body's rooted.
Okay, scrape up what you can
And get me gaffer tape!
I can't tolerate intolerance.
When I suspect someone is being
intolerant, I don't put up with it.
I punch them. Hard.
Knock their thoughts back into
their head before they become words.
I can't stand hearing things
that I don't agree with, y'know?
Sounds sane.
Exactly.
(Scream)
What was that?
Vinny, go check it out.
Hey! Get the fuck out of here!
Oh! Oh!
(Flesh eating)
Okay, we gotta go!
Oh, get out!
Quick, hurry!
Jesse, the bandmates!
They're dead.
What?
I saw them die.
Open the door!
Jesus!
Open the door!
It could be a pandemic. They might infec
Hurry, Jesse! Come on, man!
(Screams. Flesh ripped apart)
You okay?
I'll record a song in their honour.
With 10% of sales going
towards climate change charities,
that's what they would've wanted.
They wanted you to open the door.
Shut up!
My friends, and the drummer, just died.
Can you not see how this affected my men
What was wrong with those people?
Pale, decayed skin,
reeking like rotten meat, acting like an
Isn't it obvious?
Grindcore fans.
No, they weren't human.
I don't know what they were,
but I'm pretty sure I know the moron who
(Screams)
Jesus.
It's not fair. I'm too talented to die.
(Growls)
Oh my God!
(Stoner rock)
Fuck me!
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus Christ, it's certainly
deader than last year, right?
Holy shit.
It's unfortunate they're dead, because
some of them are real fuckable, man.
Especially that one.
(Plays recorder)
Wow.
That was terrible.
I want you two ladies to know...
that you don't need to be afraid down he
I will protect you until my last breath.
(Thud)
(Screams)
Medina!
(Screams)
You're OK.
You dicked with dark magic and summoned
beyond human comprehension again, didn't
Hi, Zakk.
Sweetheart.
Oh, here we go. Everything's my fault.
Yeah, he did. He played music from
the Black Hymn to raise the dead.
For the right reasons. I had no
idea it was all going to go... weird.
Hand them over. OK, you are now
banned from meddling in Black Magic.
The Black Hymn has tons of other spells.
OK, one of the verses maxes out your sta
Charisma, wealth, fame...
we could all be Keanu Reeves.
Why the fuck did't we do that one?
Well, it also opens a portal to hell
and unspeakable evil pours out, so...
Yo're not responsible enough
to cook 2-minute noodles.
Give me the pages...
Now!!
Jesse!
Fuck!
No no no no!!!!
Fuck...
These pages could end world hunger
solve the climate change crisis,
make ugly people stay inside
so we don't have to look at them.
Think about how much good someone could
Not me, though.
I am going to make the world
my bitch.
Namaste.
Fuck!
Wait! Wait! I can help you!
Don't kill me!
Guts are back on the menu, boys!
No! God, help me! No!
(Screams)
Fuck, Brodie, what were you
thinking messing with those pages?
I just... I wanted things to be like the
Like, I wanted to get the band
back together and I thought...
I thought if I could win NOIZEQUEST, I c
win you back and show you that I...
I don't know, show you that I wasn't a l
Brodie, you are a loser.
And that's what I love about you.
I mean, your lack of common sense,
self-awareness and personal
growth are adorable, but...
we're never getting back together.
Because I've...
kinda met someone new.
Ah... I get it.
One of Ana's guy mates.
You're a walking advert for the
dangers of sniffing glue during pregnanc
Who then? Her brother?
(Mic feedback)
Hello, NOIZEQUEST!
How are you doing tonight?
Oh, fuck!
Man, this crowd is dead.
We better get them moving.
The song's an oldie. Eons old.
A little ditty from the Black Hymn.
That I call...
Reanimate and Terminate.
But how? You don't have the pages.
Yeah, and when you did you must have fuc
Your zombie army could comfortably
fit inside a Mitsubishi Mirage.
You are a shit musician.
Huh. Maybe I am.
Which is why I've recruited...
...a new guitarist.
Jesse, what the fuck?
That's right. We've formed a super group
Fuck, Jesse, what are you doing?
What, yo're collabing with zombies now?
Dion's gonna raise an army of the undead
He won't stop until there's no one alive
ring him out for the shit stains in his
Just shut the fuck up, Giles! And apolog
And then I will stop.
Never! You have to kill us all first, br
Right?
No.
Please, Jesse, don't do this, OK?
You're right.
I'm not gonna do it.
Let's go, guys.
Just joking.
Of course I'm gonna fucking do it.
Fuck.
Whilst you guys are out there
clogging up zombies' toilets,
I'll be playing stadiums on my End of th
Welcome to the Heartcore Revolution.
(Guitar feedback)
A hymn to end the world,
a requiem to raise the dead.
Once whispered in the shadows,
now it's screamed out loud instead.
(Death metal scream)
You ready?
(Screams)
Oh, fuck!
They killed the girl who
knows Medina's new boyfriend...
Somehow.
Hey!
We need to stop the song somehow.
OK, we drown them out.
We play something so fucking heavy and l
they won't be able to hear the magic spe
They won't be able to summon a wet fart.
Dude! Stop fucking talking. Let's do thi
(Shitty keyboard solo)
Eat shit, cunt!
Grandma...
We.
Are.
Deathgasm!
(Screams)
Fuck you, we won't let you be heard.
Our music will silence your every word
shut up, we'll drown out your voice,
stop you with trve metal noise!
Oh Shit, it's working!
Shut up, we'll drown out your voice,
stop you with trve metal noise!
(Worl's greatest triangle solo)
Jono's helping them now!?
Jesus, he is playing ever
loving shit out of that thing!
Sounding fucking tight!
Awesome, right?
The best triangle solo I've ever fucking
Fuck off, Brodie!
(Screams)
Stop living in the past...
Your wanky lyrics suck,
fucking blow-hard prick.
Ya got a dictionary,
but you do't have a dick.
You fucking wanker!
No wristband...
Oh fuck!
...wristband...
Fuck you, Jesse Dead!
Lick my fucking pussy, you cunt!
Fuck you, man.
Stop living in the past...
Life has gone on far too long.
Metalheads do't back down.
If we fall we pick each other up.
Fight together, proud and strong,
and die with metal in our blood.
(Epic music)
Brodie!
Come on, bro! Come on!
Fucking do it, cunt!
(The greatest guitar solo ever)
(H's still shredding)
(Wow. If only you could hear this)
(The power chord to end all power chords
(Screams)
Grandma, you look beautiful!
Come with me.
Ah, namaste!
(Explosions)
Oh! Fuck me!
(Big explosion)
Hey...
I-I-I think we should call a truce.
I can draft up a quick peace treaty
with some favorable conditions.
Can...
Can one of you please put a pen in my mo
What do we do with him?
I bags him.
Reckon we could make a pretty sweet bong
No, no, anything but that, please!
Or a fleshlight.
Bong's fine.
Bon's fine.
There's something I need to get off my c
Something I should have said yonks ago.
I...
I'm sorry...
Giles... I...
I'm sorry,
I'm not wearing my steel-capped boots!
Oh, bastard!
(Bottles and cans crashing)
Guys, I just realised something.
We fucking did it!
Saved the world.
We won NOIZEQUEST.
Oh, Jesus Christ, dude.
Fucks sake!
[laughter]
We did. We won.
Dude, come on, man.
Everyone died, bro.
Exactly! Exactly!
All the other bands are dead!
Disqualified!
Except us!
[laughter]
Where do you think they keep the prizes?
Jesus Christ, dude, that is so fucking g
That's pretty fucked up, Brodie.
Nah, fuck it.
I worked hard for this.
Yep, yep, sucks how it turns out, but I
Every day of my life, someone called me
I've won NOIZEQUEST.
Don't touch me, Brodie.
And no one can ever, ever take that away
(Applause)
And it's official.
NOIZEQUEST has a winner.
No, not the dozens of metal fans
and performers tragically killed.
GWAR has stolen the show.
The intergalactic rock band
crashed the doomed competition.
GWAR then proceeded to
declare themselves the winner.
Well, good for them, I guess.
Look, they didn't even register, okay?
If I mug Meryl Streep for a trophy
that does not make me an Oscar winner.
GWAR did not win.
Yeah, they did.
Said so on the TV.
It makes me happy to know that
we are superior to human scum.
The enemy bands were so pathetic, they c
even stay alive long enough for us to co
(Laughs)
They were defeated by the greatest band
And the galaxy.
All the other bands were lucky they died
That way they didn't have to see their
parents' scalps used as artisan genital
At least they died swiftly and won't hav
watch us devour their
children and defile their pets.
So while the tragedy of NOIZEQUEST is
immeasurable, it gives us solace that wi
everything lost, there was still somethi
That's total bullshit.
Come on guys, we playing or what?
Right now, where were we?
Oh yes, Brodie's getting buggered by a p
What? I cast invisibility.
Pfft. Invisibility doesn't work on Yetis
Dumb.
If you hadn't have pickpocketed a dragon
we wouldn't have had to flee into the
Labyrinth of Despair, ass-deep in Yetis.
Dragons have sweet loot.
Dragons don't have pockets.
Fuck this. Y'know, I'm not playing.
Cough Loser.
Zakk, you're up.
I ate Brodie's horse.
What?
We're now going live
for the premiere of GWAR's latest song,
The band claimed to have been inspired
by music pages they looted from NOIZEQUE
Uh...
(Black hymn music)
(screaming)
Righto.
Um...
Well, Zakk rolled a Crit.
You successfully devoured Brodie's mare
Suck it, baby.
Come on, does no one else see this?
Dion is making me lose out of spite. It'
the Forest of Dicks campaign all over ag
(music)
(music)
Gemma Holstein...
French Kelly. Well, it's the guillotine
Bradley James Letourneau?
Yeah, there's no way I'm typing all of t
So, just gonna cut that.
And then...
Mini Mila Muffin.
You're gonna buy drugs. You're gonna buy
Josh Doria.
Oh, hate your haircut.
Juliet Lalouel
Hope you enjoy your open plan living.
Kent Davis.
Yeah, no more money for you.
Sorry, Kent. Yeah, bye-bye.
Shawn Rupe & Kat
Double cut.
Oh, thanks, guys. A little two for one s
Appreciate it.
Shits gonna explode.
Dr. Jason Veith.
Doctor? Okay.
Maybe consider selling organs, mate.
Cousin Matt?
Oh, small world.
Well, I always say family comes first, b
this time you've ended up last, so...
Sorry, mate. See ya.
Oh, that was hard.
Alright.
Tha's enough fun for tonight.
(Music)
Do you remember when
he saved the whole motherfucking world b
Behold his glory
He did this all for you, my god damn fri
In times of war we need a hero to save u
But we're stuck with Brodie
Yeah he saved the fuckin world
His name is Brodie
After he unleashed the devil's hordes
Yeah, he fought the demons 'til they fel
Cause his balls-up opened the gates of h
His name is Brodie
H's a LARPing metal geek
His name is Brodie
Still needs a nightlight just to sleep
Beat up some demons with a rubber dong
This is Brodi's goddamn fuckin' song
His name is Brodie
Kicked some demons in the sack.
Although his pants were a bit shat.
Biceps softer than cookie dough.
But he saved the day with a sick solo!
(sick guitar solo)
His name is Brodie
Fuck yeah!
Do you remember when
He had to kill this bandmate - his best
True fucking story, he finally
ended up with his dream girl
Till she dumped his broke ass,
Now i's Brodie against?the?world
(Metal as fuck scream)
(Explosion)
Dude, why are you naked?
I got bored, bro, when you passed out
and decided to play solitaire
Strip solitaire.
Oh no, hey, Rattlehead, No, no, hey, no
You seen my t-shirt anyway bro?
No
I'm gonna grab one of yours
Iron Maiden?
No fucking way, that's vintage
What about this one, Metallica?
What album?
Load
That's my wank rag
Oh, fuck!
Oh, this'll do.
No, no, no way, any shirt but that.
T-Take Iron Maiden
This is Medina's old shirt isn't it?
Please just take it off
I heard she's playing some
pretty big shows in the city, bro
Bet she's pulling a lot of dude groupies
She'll be up to her neck in, like, cocks
Dude, shut up.
Like a tornado of dicks, man.
A Dicknado
Guyclone.
Okay, okay, I get it.
She's probably having sex.
Jizzard.
Medina's getting sprayed with all this m
Dude, shut up.
Get fucking...
Stop!
Take the t-shirt off now.
Oh, fucking stinky cunt.
It's hormonal.
Here, have your fucking "Medina shirt" b
Black Hymn is absolute power.
We should learn this, turn it into a Dea
Deathgasm song, Deathgasm song. Deathgas
[Screams]
Juvenile.
Useless.
Offensive.
Stupid.
You're ex-employers. They all hate you.
Me? What about them?
They were like ordering me
around all day, telling me what to do.
They were so...
Bossy. Yeah. Bosses tend to be bossy.
Okay. Well, let's thoroughly assess your
Okay.
And we're done.
You have no education.
Well, that's because there was a
demon apocalypse at my high school.
It's pretty hard to learn when your
teacher is possessed and talking gibberi
Mmm.
You could have learned Latin, Yeah?
Personal presentation. This
can be quite a sensitive topic.
But let's state the obvious.
The body odour.
You are unbearably smelly.
You sweat like Kevin Spacey in a ball pi
Not in a good way.
I just want to forcibly scrub you with t
lousing powder every time you come in he
Okay. Well, that's easy. I'll just spray
myself with a bit more Lynx next time.
So is that it?
Not even close.
Uh, bad breath.
Weird voice.
What?
Dandruff.
Objectively unattractive.
Whoa. That's pretty harsh.
It's not me saying it. It's the form.
Look, facial unpleasantness aside...
the hair and beard make you look like a
Look, I'm out of ideas.
I want to play guitar.
I- I want to shred at big metal shows.
I was like you, mate.
Used to be in a band.
What? The guitar?
Triangle.
Yeah.
I wanted to work my way up to the top.
Go pro.
A pro... triangle-er?
Yeah, but the triangle scene is so bitch
Now look at me.
Livin' La Vida Loca, mate.
Yeah. Um...
Look, if you can't keep a job, I'm going
to have to cut your welfare payments.
What? No, no, you can't do that.
Oh, but I can. Yeah. Very easy.
Big red button.
Sometimes I hit on an accident.
Whoa.
Cut, cut, cut.
Yeah, they don't even realise, till the
People come in, moaning.
Oh, my kids are sleeping in a skip.
I went to sell my meat flaps to
a bunch of truckies in the car park
to get a finger blasted for some baby fo
Ugh, never hear the end of it.
I do actually know someone
that could help you, though.
Isn't that your job?
Jesus Christ.
Look, if you come to my prayer group,
help clean up around the church a bit,
I won't cut your welfare.
Well, you can't make me go to church.
Yeah, but I can cut your money.
I don't like doing it, but...
You do like doing it though?
Oh, yes, I do. I love doing it.
It's that big old button.
Cut, cut, cut.
It's addictive. It's very addictive.
Thank you.
Fuck yes. Now that's a record, man.
[Both] Hello?
Hello. Is that you, Medina?
Fuck, Brodie, I told you to stop calling
No, no, no. It-it-it's me. It's Bro-It-i
Yeah, no, I know it's you, Brodie.
No one else drunk dials me at 3 in the m
Wha? No, it's 10:30.
Wait.
Oh, I am so, so sorry..
Uh, for everything,
you know, and I wanted to just say,
I wanted to tell you that...
That you love me. I know.
You drunk call me and do this every week
Just move on, okay, Brodie?
I have.
(click)
(Cheering)
Hey, Mr. Cranfield.
(Laughter)
Oh. Sorry, dude.
Are you an unemployed friendless
loser who dreams of being a star?
Pfft. No. I got a dog.
If you just talked at the TV, then
this next story might be for you!
Rock contest, NOIZEQUEST, is
giving bands a shot at metal stardom.
Prices include ten thousand
dollars cash and a record deal.
This year, the self-described
"Heartcore" band Rewind Her Funeral Tape
are hot favourites.
Hello, my beautiful children.
Other metal bands sing about...
...murder, Satan, dragons...
...cringe boomer shit.
I write about real human emotions.
Like when my grandma died.
(Sighs)
I got her inked right here.
I based it on an old pic from
when she was still bangable.
Grandma...
The fabric of the band has
been stitched in diversity.
I myself happen to be openly lactose int
Vinny is neurodivergent.
He can't read, write.
Mikey, whilst not technically a
"little person", is very fucking short.
I tried to measure him once, but he got
And our new singer, she just so
happens to be rocking the XX chromosomes
Check her out, Medina.
Medina?
Isn't she glamorous and beautiful...
Mysterious.
Non-binary, I think.
Uh...
Yes?
No?
I created my own genre, and I coined it.
Heartcore.
And Medina was actually there
when I came up with it, weren't you?
I'm...
...constantly surprised by some of the t
that come out of Jesse's mouth... public
Accompany me on our Heartcore revolution
Fuck!
(Knocking)
Oh!
Didn't know you were home.
I'm home.
I did knock.
I'm here to repo a guitar.
I'll get you a bag.
(Air guitar sounds)
(Mouth guitar sounds)
(More air guitar sounds)
No. No way.
Stupid idea.
Probably shouldn't...
Alright. Come on.
Bro.
I got one fucking arm.
How am I meant to scale a fence?
I'm gonna bail.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, you can't ba
Look, I'm sorry I can't help you
teabag corpses or whatever, bro.
Dude, I'm gonna go home and have a pizza
topped with Oreos and have a sad wank.
I need this.
Laters, bro.
Fuck.
What the fuck are you thinking, bro?
Last time we played those pages,
we almost destroyed the world.
All hell's gonna break loose, and my one
remaining arm's gonna get ripped off and
shoved up my ass by a giant fucking demo
When I last translated those
pages, there were other spells.
Not just for summoning demons, but spell
making you rich.
You don't need magic for that. Just get
And spells for bringing the dead back to
Dude, this whole thing stinks like a bou
We owe it to Zakk and Dion, okay?
We were the ones that got
them killed in the first place.
You got them killed!
I just want it to be like it was in the
You know, back when things were like,
Brutal as fuck!
(Guitar power chord)
That's getting so old, bro.
(Guitar string breaks)
Man,
It's crazy how they refuse to let Zakk
and Dion be buried within with the norms
Well, most of the townspeople still
think we're the ones behind the murders.
I mean, they kinda have a point, bro.
Righty-oh!
Here we are. Let's do this. Did you brin
Yeah, bro.
A recorder?
What the fuck are you, the Pied Piper?
Well, dude, it was this or me dragging m
through a fucking graveyard,
bro. Just fucking take it.
This says if it's not played right,
they'd come come back wrong.
Wrong?
Yeah, but they'll be fine. Fine.
I mean, how hard can it be, right?
Five-year-olds play these things.
Yeah, yeah, but you...
You do know how to play a recorder, righ
Yeah, yeah.
Piece of piss.
[badly played recorder]
So... not too bad, eh?
That fucking sucked.
Fuck me!
Well, it didn't work anyway, so...
Maybe you're all right. Maybe it's just
Thank you.
Let's get out of here.
Share a pizza?
Yeah, bro.
Thanks, man.
With Oreos and jizz
(Window breaking)
(Bottles breaking)
(Metal music plays)
Zakk?
(Metal music keeps playing)
(Dog wailing)
Rattlehead!
Rattlehead?
Dion?
You ate my fucking dog, dude!
(Zombie Scream)
(Metal music keeps playing)
Zakk!
Zakk, help me!
[DION]: Fuck!!!
[DION]: Oi, body! Hey!
Brodie?
[DION]: Body, down here!
[DION]: Pick me up.
[DION]: OW! Oh fuck!
[DION]: Dickhead, no! Over!
[DION]:: For fuck's sake.
[DION]: That's a cushion, you dick.
(Bottles breaking)
Oh, watch this, watch this.
He loves that album.
Hey, bro.
Awesome album, eh?
See? He loves it.
Oh man, we did it.
No! We need to re-kill them!
No way!
Look, Zakk is responding to the metal.
Okay, We can teach him.
We can win NOIZEQUEST.
Bro! They are fucking dead!
OK, so we'll all wear corpse paint
and no one will know the difference.
Noooo
Alright, we'll split the winnings. 5K ea
5K each?
5K each.
Fuck!
Ok.
But I'm keeping that Iron Maiden t-shirt
Where are the Rotten Cock Brothers?
(Glass breaking)
(Urinating)
[giggling]
Roger?
Is that you?
[giggling]
[giggling]
Eww. You forgot to wipe your growler.
Ahh! Holy fuck!
[Flush]
(Screams)
Yeah. Get her body.
Give me!
Give me. Give me.
W're doing this stupid way.
Poke it in our neck hole.
Oh. Left. Left a bit.
You keep overshooting it.
OK, got it.
That's it.
Cool.
We got there.
Jen? You OK?
(Screams)
(Screams)
Fucking Christ!
Zakk!
What are you doing?
Hangin' out. Eating guts and shit.
Here, dig in, ladies.
Shit, bro.
Police are gonna be real happy,
you buried them in shallow graves
on your property.
What happened?
The fuck are we?
It's the guts, OK?
After they ate the guts, they got, like,
almost back to normal.
But what happens when they need to eat a
Do we just feed them hobos until NOIZEQU
I haven't figured that part out yet but
it's totally gonna work, dude.
Just like the old times.
(Awesome Heavy Metal Music)
Hey, Jesse, did you want some help with
I'm the one who has to sing them, so...
I'm fine.
What rhymes with... 'nadir'?
How about reindeer? Like, you
can make it a Christmas song.
Ana, um, what is it that you are drawing
Just working on some new flash.
Oh.
Oh, my God. I totally should tattoo you.
I'm pretty good. Check it out.
Anal?
No, silly, it says Ana. Just has a fancy
Then there's this...
Nowam lived?
It's supposed to say "devil woman".
I did it in the mirror...
Shh...
(Growl)
All right, look.
If this doesn't work out my welfare gets
So just be normal.
Bro... Hungry...
Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here with y
Okay, I gotta keep an eye on you.
You can't keep murdering random people.
Here we go.
(Growls)
Okay, um, please all welcome
Brodie to tonight's prayer group.
[Prayer Group]: Hi, Brodie.
Brodie has also brought a friend along t
What did you say your name was?
Zakk!
Um, it's Zakk.
[Prayer Group]: Hi, Zakk.
Hi, Zakk.
Be polite, yeah?
You guys have wicked instruments.
Brodie, could you please read tonight's
John 11.
Um, Jesus was still angry as he arrived
A cave with a stone rolled across its en
"Remove the stone," he ordered.
But Martha protested.
"Lord, he has been dead for four days."
"...For four days. The smell will be ter
Yeah, thank you.
Now let us all close our eyes in prayer.
"O divine master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to consol
"So it is that we must eat the body
of our Lord's Saviour, Jesus Christ,
"to love is to be loved,
when there is darkness, light.
And when there is sadness, joy.
"To be consoled is to console.
"To be understood is to understand.
"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peac
"For it is in giving that we receive.
"It is in self-forgetting that we find."
"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
"And it is in dying to ourselves
that we are born to eternal life."
"Where there is doubt, faith."
"Amen."
Oh. Oh, why are you topless, Brodie?
Ah, yeah. I just got a bit hot.
Thinking about Jesus, you know.
Where's Mrs. Slooton?
I think she bailed.
Ah, sweet lady.
(Growling & eating sounds)
By the way, I clogged the shitter in the
(Feedback)
The police are gonna trace this back to
We are fucked!
What's your plan for prison?
I'm gonna dry out a shit and sharpen it
cause nobody wants to get stabbed by poo
No-one's gonna do any poo-stabbing.
It's gonna be fine.
OK, let's start with something easy
How about, umm, how about 'Count Ejacula
Why did you bring me back?
I'm always cold, bro.
I smell like rot and I crave guts all th
I think you should just kill me.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't be li
I brought you back so we could rock
out, man, like old times, you know?
Brotherhood of Steel? Come on.
Oh!
Um...
Here, get this back on...
Ah! That's it.
(Flies buzzing)
Oh, actually, um...
While we're here, we'll just...
God, I need a drink.
Dion, fetch, beer.
Get your own beer.
(Electric zapping)
Oh fuck, okay, okay.
Is that a shock collar?
Giles, he's not a dog.
Yeah, well, at least my zombie
hasn't murdered anyone lately.
Did notice you're, uh, running
out of backyard space, mate.
Here you go, dickhead.
OK, OK, can we just practice?
Uh, Zakk, why don't you kick it off
with one of those new bass lines?
Jesus.
You OK, bro?
Um, OK, Dion, maybe show us your keyboar
Fuck. I forgot to pay the power bill.
I'm so sorry, guys.
We're gonna need to find a new place to
OK, everybody out. Come on.
OK, I'm gonna head for the door.
[Crashing] [Giles]: (IN PAIN) Aw f-
[Brodie]: OK, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[Brodie]: Maybe we need to wait for our
OK, can anybody see anything?
[Zakk]: Nothing.
[Dion]: How about me Brodie?
[Dion]: Can you see how many fingers I'm
(Killer heavy metal music)
(Killer heavy metal music)
(8's METAL MUSIC)
Home, Sweet Home.
Holy shit, this place is sick!
How'd you score this?
The owner knows my mum.
It doesn't open till night, so we
get to rehearse here during the day.
Really?
Yeah, the owner's totally boning your mu
Yeah.
What? No, Uncle Jerry's cool.
He comes round to visit sometimes.
He gives me money to go see a movie.
Fucking idiots.
(Heavenly harp sounds)
Oh, don't...
[Sniffing]
(8's METAL MUSIC)
It's definitely a pube...
OK, awesome.
Well, let's have a crack at"Medin".
A fucking love song?
This is important.
Bro, just have a wank so we
can go back to playing cool shit.
OK, I literally raised the dead to make
From the top.
(Music plays)
No, no, no, it sucks.
So hungry.
It's fine, OK?
It's a NOIZEQUEST soon.
There's going to be tons of guts there.
Holy shit.
Wait here.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you in Grey Point long or?
Just for NOIZEQUEST.
Oh, yeah, with Rewind Her Funeral Tape.
Yes, actually.
Got some...
pretty big negotiations with some major
Wow, really?
You know what, Brodie? Fuck you.
OK, if you actually cared about me, you
You know, I'm actually working my arse o
rather than rotting away in this shit ho
Yeah, well, what about Deathgasm?
We were going nowhere.
You expected me to stick around forever
listening to you mope about losing Zakk.
You know, you're one of the
best shredders that I've ever seen.
But you hardly ever practice.
You show up to gigs wasted.
You need to stop feeling sorry for yours
and get your shit together.
Yeah, what, like Jesse Dead?
Look, Jesse has... issues...
but he works fucking hard and
he's super committed to his band.
The only thing that Jesse Dead works har
is looking like a fucking...
"Looking like a fucking" what?
Nothing. Nothing.
Just leave it, Jesse.
Shh.
You're about to say it's slur, weren't y
No, I wasn't.
Oh, shit.
Medina...
this is your ex-boyfriend, right?
The Toad Man you were telling me about.
Don't be ashamed of who you are, okay?
Be proud.
Be proud of having a bum for a face.
I love your bum face.
Right.
Oh!
Ahhh!
That patch.
Are you really a fan of them?
What, you mean a fan of-
Shut up!
Don't you ever say their name.
I mean...
Well, I wouldn't say fan.
I'm going to punch you now.
Jesse! Don't!
These beads are from ancient Egypt.
Suck on them and you shall
be forgiven for your misdeeds.
Count yourself lucky...
that you don't have any problematic
band tattoos that need removing.
Why do you have a laser?
Cheese grater.
Sends a message.
(Screams & growls)
Zakk! Get him!
(Screams & bell ringing)
Kill! Kill!
Practicing some of my lyrics.
"Zakk! Get him! Kill.."
I'd love to stay and chat, but,
I've got to go over there and be success
Let us ride forward. Into the revolution
And navigate the world.
Stay behind me.
Woman, get back here.
Woman, behind me.
Do you remember when...
you saved the whole motherfucking world
Cuz your name is Brodie
Yeah, you saved the fucking world.
Your name is Brodie
Holy shit.
Matt Heafy from Trivium.
What are you doing here in the ass end o
Wherever there's a metalhead in trouble,
I don't know.
I fucked up pretty bad.
I don't think it can be unfucked.
So you summoned the dead to play in your
and they started eating people...
That happens all the time.
I've got your back, Bro. First we need t
(Scream)
(Flesh eating sounds)
Oh my God! Oh, what the fuck?
No!!
(Scream)
Help, Brodie!
Look, would it help if I said, sorry?
Well, are you sorry?
I'm sorry I didn't chew more...
that Heafy is fucking repeating on me, m
(Zapping sound)
(Scream)
Get. Me. A. Drink.
I'm going to attach another shock collar
I said to stop shocking him.
It's discipline! And don't
forget my lemon slice next time.
You slip up one day and then I'll get th
remote and I'll stick it up your ass! Ah
(Zapping sound)
The training is going well.
(Flesh eating sounds)
Oh.
Easy there, little guy...
Easy there...
What you got there?
(Screams)
(Death metal music)
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Singing rugby song)
Time to beat the meat!
(Screams)
Hardly seem sporting for the poor little
(Screams)
My dick! My little dick!
(Growl)
Fuck me!
(Laughing)
I've had a gutsful man.
We need to kill them.
Giles, they're undead.
Yeah, well we need to make them...
...un-undead...
I don't...
If they run out of guts, they'll turn on
You know they will.
Okay, look, first we win the contest...
Yeah, that's not gonna happen!
...and then I'll...
...put them to sleep.
Dogs, get put to sleep.
But Dion is getting a pipe bomb supposit
...if I don't get my drink soon.
Dion!?
Dion!?
Fuck, oh, what am I doing?
Alright.
Dion, where are you, little fuck?
C'mon, mate...
Where is that little fucking cunt?
Oh...
What...
...did he do...
...with...
...their dicks!
(Flies buzzing)
Dion's done a runner with them like some
...Cock Burglar.
Even your mum hasn't taken this many dic
Okay, look, we need bleach.
Bleach in our eyes isn't gonna
help us unsee this shit, man!
No, to clean up.
I'm out, alright?
Summoning undead monsters is one thing..
...but I draw the line at manual labour.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on.
Look, we can't pike now.
Why not?
I love piking!
Piking is the shit!
Hey look, this is our shot, okay?
To show the world we're not losers.
What have I got left? Nothing.
You...
You've got...
You've got a dog.
Dion ate it.
Fuck.
True that.
(Metal music)
No way.
We must be in the wrong place
this can't be a NOIZEQUEST.
This is New Zealand.
I mean, what were you expecting?
At least a sound shell.
And where are the crowds?
It's just a couple of pasty spotty virgi
Hey...
Love the look, guys.
You know I wasn't talking about you just
Oh.
I see you bought my album.
Would you like me to sign that for you?
Well, get the fuck out of here then!
Jesus Christ.
(Metal music)
My God.
I think my ears have just contracted her
Hey, watch out.
Those guys are searching people
for drugs near the bathrooms.
I got frisked.
Hold this.
Whoa.
Wow!
Where'd you learn to fight like that?
I can't believe you beat up drug inspect
Yeah.
Ew.
Ew.
(Electric sounds)
Scream for me, Grey Point.
Scream for me!
Yes.
That's it.
Rise.
Rise, my undead army.
My legion of doom!
My black masses.
My...
(Thunder)
...where are my masses?
Un-fucking believable.
Is it really just you, jokers?
Well, how are we going to destroy the wo
We'll be lucky if we could destroy a bou
Pathetic!
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
Where are you going?
We can still destroy a little bit of the
Smash some phone booths.
Or rampage a Macca's,
turn some others into zombies.
We'll just see where the night takes us.
Yes!
Yes.
Yes!!
Oh, nothing can stop me.
And my...
...small gaggle of doom.
That's it.
Yeah.
Get your shamble on
Romero it.
Yeah?
Maybe let out a few"MMRRRGGH'".
Yeah, yeah!
Nice, nice!
People will go mad with
terror when they see us coming.
Ohhhhh!
Let's go shopping!
We wage war on the living!
And burn their houses.
Desecrate their churches.
Then fiddle with their corpses.
(Laughing)
But first...
we roll.
Fuck!
I mean, fuck yeah!
Lucky number one!
Victory is certain!
(Police sirens)
(Metal music)
Oh goodie.
(Screams)
(Death metal music)
Oh, your benefit is cut.
Cut!
Bludging parasite!
You're cut.
You're poor. You're poor!
Cut, cut.
That's enough fun for tonight.
There's work to be done.
I'm on to you, Brodie.
(Loads gun)
They call me the "ghoulie-sniffer".
I have the ability to smell evil out fro
(Growl)
Oh, hello.
Were you there the whole time?
(Screams)
Stop!
I'm a government employee!
(Growl)
Brodie sent you.
I know all about your evil little
coven of Satan, buggers.
I'm cutting your welfare!
Devil worshippers...
...time to accept Jesus' love.
All nine millimeters of it.
Okay, go like this.
Jesus, man.
Forget bush...
this chick's got a fucking rainforest.
Now for the eyes, I'm thinking maybe lik
Actually, you're good. You're done.
You feeling more brutal?
I feel hungry.
Already?
Here you go, Bro.
Fuck this.
I've got guts full of... guts.
Dude, you have to eat those, you're a zo
I don't have to do shit.
I used to think murder was cool,
and now that lame cunt Dion's doing it.
I'm over it.
You know what?
I'm quitting eating people.
Bro, you know what that means though, ri
It means you're a...
...vegan zombie.
Fuck it.
At least I'm following my own
path instead of being a mindless...
...you know.
Same old Zakk.
Being a stubborn cunt doing the
opposite of what people expect.
That's metal as fuck.
Still might have the odd nibble on
the ethically sourced entrails, but...
no more killing.
All right, I think we're ready. Let's go
I'll go get the gats.
Our set's gonna suck, bro.
We've had, like, fuck all practice.
And we're down a keyboard player.
Already sussed.
I recorded all of Dion's keyboard
parts just in case he died.
What does that one say?
Does that one say drums?
Ah, no, nothing.
The fuck you playing at, Brodie?
That's fine. All right, if we leave now,
can make it in time for another rehearsa
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Get off, you fucking useless shit.
Fuck!
Come here you, bastard!
You aren't going nowhere, Satan boy.
Uh, did you mean, like...
anywhere?
Because if he ain't going nowhere,
then I think he is going somewhere.
Listen, smartass.
I don't take shit from no one, OK?
If you want your mate here to make it ou
Maybe not correct me again!
I meant...
Yeah?
I'll kill this demon worshipper to death
(Whispering) Don't you fucking...
Zakk!
Get him, Zakk!
Kill this guy!
Murder him! Rub his guts out!
He's a ginger! Fuck this guy up!
Did I fucking stutter before?
Let's start over.
(Thrash metal)
(Screams)
Fucking shit!
Just relax, OK? Follow my lead.
Jonno's harmless.
Besides, he can't kill us.
The Bible won't let him.
He's a welfare case manager.
Do you know what they do to people
who are too useless and deranged to work
What?
They make them welfare case managers.
Relax. It's gonna be fine, OK?
He's gonna find out we're the good
guys, and he's gonna just let us go.
Oh! Oh, good grief.
So many graves.
Dead bodies.
Not even buried that deep.
Is that a leg?
...Mrs. Slooton?
Monsters!
OK. Well, y'know, he can't hurt us.
He's a Christian. Heh.
Oh!
Fuck!
Ah!
Look, there's been a big misunderstandin
I can explain everything.
Does it involve dark occult magic?
No!
Ah well...
a little bit.
OK, so we did use black magic to
bring our mates back as zombies.
Ok.
And the dead bodies?
Yeah, well, OK. Turns out zombies
are a bit more bitey than we thought.
We had no idea.
And they're like bloody pit bulls.
Like, you turn your back for one
second and they're mauling a rando
And we did try to stop them, but
it's kind of like David Attenborough,
when he's filming and he sees, like, he
A giraffe face fucking a python.
Dude, what?
Yeah, and old man Attenborough,
he's like, "And that's nature".
And then they film, like, a giraffe
using a snake as a pocket pussy.
Jesus.
So, yeah, so, anyway, it's kind
of the same situation for us.
And when you think about it, you know,
although they are ugly, mindless monster
I'm right here.
Aren't they God's creatures, too?
You guys think I'm stupid, eh?
Cut the bullcrap, lads!
No, look, it's all true, apart from
the giraffe pocket pussy thing.
I bet it's happened at least once, cunt.
Oh.
I've unmasked a Dungeons & Dragons death
What?
Actually, that's Leviathan's and Labyrin
We couldn't get a license to use the one
So... you lure people in here...
...to play a game of Dungeons & Dragons.
Uhh, Leviathan's and Labyrinth's.
So what, are we gonna cut there?
Are we gonna, what, retake?
I mean, we're just gonna fix it in post?
Fix it in post.
Sweet, I'm sure, no one will notice.
Once you finished playing...
[Voice over]~Leviathan's and Labyrinth's
...you kill them!
Fiddle with their corpses.
Eat their little arseholes, eh?
Not anymore. I'm a vegan.
We know. You mention it every five minut
I should call the police.
But I must follow the teachings of the g
Forgiveness?
Kindness?
Death by stoning.
Pfft. Fucking bring it on.
I once smoked a full ounce of nuggs in o
It was all Brodie's fault!
Untie me! Give me some stones!
I'll fucking stone the cunt myself!
Giles, your throw is limper
than a retirement village gangbang.
Having a go at the arm...
No, I was not. Besides, there's
nothing wrong with the arm.
It's just attached to a pathetic sack of
(Growls)
Oh! Oh! It's...
[Voice over]~Leviathan's and Labyrinth's
...Fans!
Die, you evil bastard!
God!
Why are there more zombies, Brodie?
Have you been noodling with
the forces of darkness again?
It wasn't me. I don't know. Maybe
it's an unrelated zombie outbreak.
Wait, are those not your...
[Voice over]~Leviathan's and Labyrinth's
...mates?
Quick! Does the Bible of any tips for ki
Uh, murder... incest...
God makes a bear kill children...
...more incest...
Uh, this should work.
Damn it.
Where's that cunt going?
(Growls)
Spin clockwise!
No, no, no!
Counterclock wise!
Holy shit!
Line me up!
Stop spinning!
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna hurl, guys.
Oh, God.
That was foul.
(Metal music)
Hey!
You animals!
What do you think you're doing?
Never seen anything so disgusting in my
Nothing but filthy gatecrashers!
I don't see a single wristband in here!
So either you go to the front door and y
all major credit cards and
digital wallets accepted,
or you filthy gatecrashers are gonna
Get. These. Hands.
(Metal music)
Come on!
Die, gatecrasher!
Get off me!
Get the fuck off me!
My hand!
(Screams)
No!
No! No!
Ah, my hands!
(Screams)
Fuck, man, it's all turned to custard ag
Oh, don't mention food.
Maybe it'll just go away by itself, yeah
Go away by itself?
It's a zombie apocalypse, Brodie
not a bad case of the fucking squirts!
Where the fuck are we going anyway?
Noizequest.
Noizequest??
You got a Medina stiffy again?
Fuck's sake, bro.
Just pull over and have a wank, all righ
Look, there's a Kmart catalogue in the g
Page five.
Premium jerk-off material, man.
The knickers page.
A bit sticky, but...
Now, we've got to play the 'Uno reverse'
The old play the song backwards thing.
It worked last time, remember?
I remember it made no sense and was stup
Okay, well, the NOIZEQUEST amps are goin
blast the reverse magic music
all across town, and, you know,
if we happen to see Medina, then we happ
You do have the pages though, right?
Yes, I said.
Shit, living or dead?
Doesn't matter, don't stop.
I can't, it's against the road code.
Fuck.
Dion?
I knew we shouldn't have stopped.
Oh, Jesus!
So that's where they went?
Classic Dion.
Always collecting things, eh?
Glad you're okay, dude.
We thought we lost you back at the...
Oh, cut the shit.
You didn't lose me, I emancipated myself
Whatever tickles your pickle.
Are you going to a fancy dress party?
No.
Thought I'd look snazzy for the special
Oh, rad!
Oh, for a second there I thought you
were bailing on NOIZEQUEST.
Noizequest?
I'm not playing with you tossers.
So what's with the clothes?
It's coronation night.
I'm the king of the dead.
Rise, my undead army, rise!
(Plays music)
I thought you had the pages.
I do! I mean, I did!
(Reserection music)
Oh, my god! It...
It's... well, it's a handful. Uhm.
It's almost a bunch.
Pretty scary.
This modest smattering of
zombies is like loosely surrounding us.
We don't have weapons. I mean, what do w
Okay, we don't have weapons, but we do h
Bash them, Zakk! Kill them!
I keep saying I'm done with killing.
But bro, it's not murder, cuz they're al
Okay, they're getting a bit closer now.
Um, okay.
Hey, Zakk.
Heard some of those zombies calling you
I don't care.
Which one though?
All of them.
And they were also saying that you sit d
in public loos and pee like a little gir
I'm sorry, how do they not know that I
was wee-ing about to take a poo?
I heard the one saying that Zakk's
got a really soft limp handshake as well
Well, I can't help that. My hands have b
rotting in the ground for the last ten y
Yeah, but they also said that you ride a
one with a low bar, so you don't bump yo
That bike was unisex.
(Metal music)
Fuck!
That was pretty fucked, bro.
Oh, jeez!
Take it easy on that one.
Fuck me!
Far out...
Impressive.
But they were pawns.
Now you face the Queen!
Called it.
Ay-yi-yi-yi!!!
Um.
Stalemate?
(Screams)
(Screams)
I am a limbless freak!
Oh, get fucked, cunt!
Oh, another sprinkling of zombies.
Quick, let's bail.
Hang on, hang on. The Black Hymn.
Let's go.
Ah! How dare they foil my vengeance!
I'm gonna have to avenge the vengeance
foiling and take my original vengeance.
Follow me!
Fuck it. My body's rooted.
Okay, scrape up what you can
And get me gaffer tape!
I can't tolerate intolerance.
When I suspect someone is being
intolerant, I don't put up with it.
I punch them. Hard.
Knock their thoughts back into
their head before they become words.
I can't stand hearing things
that I don't agree with, y'know?
Sounds sane.
Exactly.
(Scream)
What was that?
Vinny, go check it out.
Hey! Get the fuck out of here!
Oh! Oh!
(Flesh eating)
Okay, we gotta go!
Oh, get out!
Quick, hurry!
Jesse, the bandmates!
They're dead.
What?
I saw them die.
Open the door!
Jesus!
Open the door!
It could be a pandemic. They might infec
Hurry, Jesse! Come on, man!
(Screams. Flesh ripped apart)
You okay?
I'll record a song in their honour.
With 10% of sales going
towards climate change charities,
that's what they would've wanted.
They wanted you to open the door.
Shut up!
My friends, and the drummer, just died.
Can you not see how this affected my men
What was wrong with those people?
Pale, decayed skin,
reeking like rotten meat, acting like an
Isn't it obvious?
Grindcore fans.
No, they weren't human.
I don't know what they were,
but I'm pretty sure I know the moron who
(Screams)
Jesus.
It's not fair. I'm too talented to die.
(Growls)
Oh my God!
(Stoner rock)
Fuck me!
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus Christ, it's certainly
deader than last year, right?
Holy shit.
It's unfortunate they're dead, because
some of them are real fuckable, man.
Especially that one.
(Plays recorder)
Wow.
That was terrible.
I want you two ladies to know...
that you don't need to be afraid down he
I will protect you until my last breath.
(Thud)
(Screams)
Medina!
(Screams)
You're OK.
You dicked with dark magic and summoned
beyond human comprehension again, didn't
Hi, Zakk.
Sweetheart.
Oh, here we go. Everything's my fault.
Yeah, he did. He played music from
the Black Hymn to raise the dead.
For the right reasons. I had no
idea it was all going to go... weird.
Hand them over. OK, you are now
banned from meddling in Black Magic.
The Black Hymn has tons of other spells.
OK, one of the verses maxes out your sta
Charisma, wealth, fame...
we could all be Keanu Reeves.
Why the fuck did't we do that one?
Well, it also opens a portal to hell
and unspeakable evil pours out, so...
Yo're not responsible enough
to cook 2-minute noodles.
Give me the pages...
Now!!
Jesse!
Fuck!
No no no no!!!!
Fuck...
These pages could end world hunger
solve the climate change crisis,
make ugly people stay inside
so we don't have to look at them.
Think about how much good someone could
Not me, though.
I am going to make the world
my bitch.
Namaste.
Fuck!
Wait! Wait! I can help you!
Don't kill me!
Guts are back on the menu, boys!
No! God, help me! No!
(Screams)
Fuck, Brodie, what were you
thinking messing with those pages?
I just... I wanted things to be like the
Like, I wanted to get the band
back together and I thought...
I thought if I could win NOIZEQUEST, I c
win you back and show you that I...
I don't know, show you that I wasn't a l
Brodie, you are a loser.
And that's what I love about you.
I mean, your lack of common sense,
self-awareness and personal
growth are adorable, but...
we're never getting back together.
Because I've...
kinda met someone new.
Ah... I get it.
One of Ana's guy mates.
You're a walking advert for the
dangers of sniffing glue during pregnanc
Who then? Her brother?
(Mic feedback)
Hello, NOIZEQUEST!
How are you doing tonight?
Oh, fuck!
Man, this crowd is dead.
We better get them moving.
The song's an oldie. Eons old.
A little ditty from the Black Hymn.
That I call...
Reanimate and Terminate.
But how? You don't have the pages.
Yeah, and when you did you must have fuc
Your zombie army could comfortably
fit inside a Mitsubishi Mirage.
You are a shit musician.
Huh. Maybe I am.
Which is why I've recruited...
...a new guitarist.
Jesse, what the fuck?
That's right. We've formed a super group
Fuck, Jesse, what are you doing?
What, yo're collabing with zombies now?
Dion's gonna raise an army of the undead
He won't stop until there's no one alive
ring him out for the shit stains in his
Just shut the fuck up, Giles! And apolog
And then I will stop.
Never! You have to kill us all first, br
Right?
No.
Please, Jesse, don't do this, OK?
You're right.
I'm not gonna do it.
Let's go, guys.
Just joking.
Of course I'm gonna fucking do it.
Fuck.
Whilst you guys are out there
clogging up zombies' toilets,
I'll be playing stadiums on my End of th
Welcome to the Heartcore Revolution.
(Guitar feedback)
A hymn to end the world,
a requiem to raise the dead.
Once whispered in the shadows,
now it's screamed out loud instead.
(Death metal scream)
You ready?
(Screams)
Oh, fuck!
They killed the girl who
knows Medina's new boyfriend...
Somehow.
Hey!
We need to stop the song somehow.
OK, we drown them out.
We play something so fucking heavy and l
they won't be able to hear the magic spe
They won't be able to summon a wet fart.
Dude! Stop fucking talking. Let's do thi
(Shitty keyboard solo)
Eat shit, cunt!
Grandma...
We.
Are.
Deathgasm!
(Screams)
Fuck you, we won't let you be heard.
Our music will silence your every word
shut up, we'll drown out your voice,
stop you with trve metal noise!
Oh Shit, it's working!
Shut up, we'll drown out your voice,
stop you with trve metal noise!
(Worl's greatest triangle solo)
Jono's helping them now!?
Jesus, he is playing ever
loving shit out of that thing!
Sounding fucking tight!
Awesome, right?
The best triangle solo I've ever fucking
Fuck off, Brodie!
(Screams)
Stop living in the past...
Your wanky lyrics suck,
fucking blow-hard prick.
Ya got a dictionary,
but you do't have a dick.
You fucking wanker!
No wristband...
Oh fuck!
...wristband...
Fuck you, Jesse Dead!
Lick my fucking pussy, you cunt!
Fuck you, man.
Stop living in the past...
Life has gone on far too long.
Metalheads do't back down.
If we fall we pick each other up.
Fight together, proud and strong,
and die with metal in our blood.
(Epic music)
Brodie!
Come on, bro! Come on!
Fucking do it, cunt!
(The greatest guitar solo ever)
(H's still shredding)
(Wow. If only you could hear this)
(The power chord to end all power chords
(Screams)
Grandma, you look beautiful!
Come with me.
Ah, namaste!
(Explosions)
Oh! Fuck me!
(Big explosion)
Hey...
I-I-I think we should call a truce.
I can draft up a quick peace treaty
with some favorable conditions.
Can...
Can one of you please put a pen in my mo
What do we do with him?
I bags him.
Reckon we could make a pretty sweet bong
No, no, anything but that, please!
Or a fleshlight.
Bong's fine.
Bon's fine.
There's something I need to get off my c
Something I should have said yonks ago.
I...
I'm sorry...
Giles... I...
I'm sorry,
I'm not wearing my steel-capped boots!
Oh, bastard!
(Bottles and cans crashing)
Guys, I just realised something.
We fucking did it!
Saved the world.
We won NOIZEQUEST.
Oh, Jesus Christ, dude.
Fucks sake!
[laughter]
We did. We won.
Dude, come on, man.
Everyone died, bro.
Exactly! Exactly!
All the other bands are dead!
Disqualified!
Except us!
[laughter]
Where do you think they keep the prizes?
Jesus Christ, dude, that is so fucking g
That's pretty fucked up, Brodie.
Nah, fuck it.
I worked hard for this.
Yep, yep, sucks how it turns out, but I
Every day of my life, someone called me
I've won NOIZEQUEST.
Don't touch me, Brodie.
And no one can ever, ever take that away
(Applause)
And it's official.
NOIZEQUEST has a winner.
No, not the dozens of metal fans
and performers tragically killed.
GWAR has stolen the show.
The intergalactic rock band
crashed the doomed competition.
GWAR then proceeded to
declare themselves the winner.
Well, good for them, I guess.
Look, they didn't even register, okay?
If I mug Meryl Streep for a trophy
that does not make me an Oscar winner.
GWAR did not win.
Yeah, they did.
Said so on the TV.
It makes me happy to know that
we are superior to human scum.
The enemy bands were so pathetic, they c
even stay alive long enough for us to co
(Laughs)
They were defeated by the greatest band
And the galaxy.
All the other bands were lucky they died
That way they didn't have to see their
parents' scalps used as artisan genital
At least they died swiftly and won't hav
watch us devour their
children and defile their pets.
So while the tragedy of NOIZEQUEST is
immeasurable, it gives us solace that wi
everything lost, there was still somethi
That's total bullshit.
Come on guys, we playing or what?
Right now, where were we?
Oh yes, Brodie's getting buggered by a p
What? I cast invisibility.
Pfft. Invisibility doesn't work on Yetis
Dumb.
If you hadn't have pickpocketed a dragon
we wouldn't have had to flee into the
Labyrinth of Despair, ass-deep in Yetis.
Dragons have sweet loot.
Dragons don't have pockets.
Fuck this. Y'know, I'm not playing.
Cough Loser.
Zakk, you're up.
I ate Brodie's horse.
What?
We're now going live
for the premiere of GWAR's latest song,
The band claimed to have been inspired
by music pages they looted from NOIZEQUE
Uh...
(Black hymn music)
(screaming)
Righto.
Um...
Well, Zakk rolled a Crit.
You successfully devoured Brodie's mare
Suck it, baby.
Come on, does no one else see this?
Dion is making me lose out of spite. It'
the Forest of Dicks campaign all over ag
(music)
(music)
Gemma Holstein...
French Kelly. Well, it's the guillotine
Bradley James Letourneau?
Yeah, there's no way I'm typing all of t
So, just gonna cut that.
And then...
Mini Mila Muffin.
You're gonna buy drugs. You're gonna buy
Josh Doria.
Oh, hate your haircut.
Juliet Lalouel
Hope you enjoy your open plan living.
Kent Davis.
Yeah, no more money for you.
Sorry, Kent. Yeah, bye-bye.
Shawn Rupe & Kat
Double cut.
Oh, thanks, guys. A little two for one s
Appreciate it.
Shits gonna explode.
Dr. Jason Veith.
Doctor? Okay.
Maybe consider selling organs, mate.
Cousin Matt?
Oh, small world.
Well, I always say family comes first, b
this time you've ended up last, so...
Sorry, mate. See ya.
Oh, that was hard.
Alright.
Tha's enough fun for tonight.
(Music)