Delhi Belly (2011) Movie Script

Excuse me!
Is this seat empty?
Hi! When did you reached?
Act like you don't know,
I don't know you,
Don't look at me,
so how was your flight?
Don't talk to me,
Do like I said,
Few people are mental.
Open the door,
Last time I opened up.
Open the door,
He is lying last time I
opened up.
If you will touch again then I will
cut your balls and make earings.
Now you are gone,
Are you deaf?
When did you return?
Just now,
Taashi! It's scratching me,
Go and take some shave,
I can't,
Water is not coming,
What do you mean?
Water comes for 2 hours,
but we forgot to set the bucket,
What do you mean?
It was his turn,
But you can hear water was pouring,
You just have to leave your bad,
And you would take 30 seconds.
But it was his turn.
You people live like animals,
We will pour it tomorrow.
Because you have invited for lunch with
my parents and I want to see you clean.
I have to take lunch with them,
Don't buy expensive clothes for me,
People impressed with good clothes.
I have no business with
these people.
I am notjoking, you have no idea
how angry I am,
Will you drop it for me, I am busy,
and drop it today,
she really loves you.
Where is she?
I am checking,
You don't know how she looks like.
Do you have her number,
Wow! In which century you live?
You are still shooting on film mode,
Only ass holes shoot on digital mode,
He is Nitin, My photographer,
she is a special corespondent,
she is starting work today,
shall we leave?
Because I want to do everything,
Singing, Acting may be directing,
I am a painter,
I write poems,
And I want my own clothes line,
What's your favourite in everything?
Everything, that's why I do
Come on we have only 2 minutes.
Shall I sign something for you,
I have no objection,
What are you doing?
After today whenever you'll sad
just look at it and say,
I hate you but I love you,
I want to cover real news and
I am getting this shit.
She was breaking news for me and I'm
always ready to cover her,
Have you meet my rapist friend,
Hello Rapist Friend,
Have you got photo?
I will meet you after lunch,
Can you make it more happy?
To who? Banana?
Banana's dream come true.
I will do it tomorrow morning,
Do it now, client is waiting,
Leave everything, and do it
Can you drop a package for me,
No, I can't.
Banana's are fucking me,
It's 1 o' clock, where is that driver
he supposed to come at 1.
I have to go to tailor.
Relax, he will come,
Taashi! Did you drop the packet,
Aunty! I am really sorry,
I have to go.
Why you are calling us uncle aunt?
Now we are family,
I should leave now daddy,
We also got a flat for you,
Just five minutes away,
so that pretty girl was your wastage
of time and it's a right time pass.
Which kind of man you are?
We are serious journalist,
You are not coming,
I have some work to do.
I have to write down the report,
Will you drop it for me,
What are you doing in dark,
I got loose motions,
Did you concern the doctor.
Listen! Take my bike,
Why should I take your bike?
Just take it,
Taashi gave me that package to drop,
That package is still wandering,
If I would be fine I would drop it,
Listen! If you are going then will
you do my work,
This entire world is full of stupids.
Don't pay attention,
shall we start again,
Doctor wants to check for
food poisoning,
Will you take it, I want to send
my shit sample.
Patient's name?
Nitin Berri.
It's a shit,
New car!
Mr. Taashi you rent is due,
I know.
Last month you paid late.
He was saying he will take his class
soon, that's what he said last week,
What happen to you?
I am dying,
And you?
Picture with Ritu.
Where is my pent?
I want to talk to you,
I don't know about this Ritu,
she is my girlfriend,
I should have nice feeling,
Remember! I warned you,
We have to pay rent next week,
and this time I want to pay on time.
I won't pay rent anymore.
You are leaving this house,
You won't pay the rent and you
are not leaving this house,
How is that possible?
What is this? Naked gents on naked
ladies and this is called fuck.
He is Manish.
Our landlord.
And she is Leena,
she is a prostitute.
If I would feel better I would kick
your ass, where did you get it from?
It's a wrong question, the right
question is will we pay rent in future,
and the answer is...
No! To hell with rent,
What are you saying?
We will make a deal with landlord.
He will pay the cash and we won't
send these photos to his wife.
You will black mail him,
We are living with a criminal.
Because when police will arrest you,
I don't want any mess.
I am doing this business from 2 years
nothing will happen.
You are doing this business from
2 years.
I will do the rest of work and your
rent will be save, Now happy,
And second thing?
I am getting married.
Yes, I know,
It's next month,
I thought it's next year.
But then I thought what's the
difference, let's do it.
You are a negative man,
Always nonsense. Give me a hug,
she is really hot and I was about to
maary her but you do it,
You are leaving this house,
then why you were worried about rent?
You should really shave your hair,
What are you doing?
I know...
I have to leave,
Look! It's my job don't get angry.
Yes, who is he?
I heard she is lesbian,
Where did you heard it?
I found some guys like I should
try with some woman,
Don't say that you never heard
it before.
No! Never!
Have you met Rajeev!
He is around,
What's the story?
You gave me the address and you
call me here,
I know I am not so drunk yet,
I just gave you the address,
I didn't tell you any work,
Have drink and enjoy,
I was doing something,
I am sure it wasn't necessary.
Then why did you pick up my phone?
You have fun,
We will talk tomorrow.
I have no time for rubbish,
Please get lost from here,
I don't know you...
I am not messing with you
I am about to take this mess.
Nobody can mess with Rajeev.
His friends are here,
Are you alright?
I just wanted that you open up
and have some fun,
Look! You don't need to shout,
I have already applogized,
Where do I drop you?
My car! My new car.
Who is this stupid?
My husband,
My ex-husband as soon I got
my divorce papers.
He shot a fire on me,
where did you met him?
He was my boyfriend in school.
We eloped and got married,
Nice choice,
that's why I am with you,
This is wrong,
You should relax.
Thanks for the lift,
And I will pay you for your glass.
You drunk my entire juice.
There were 4 boxes,
I know...
You don't even like orange juice.
Sometimes I like it.
Did you wipe your ass with my juice.
I told you I will buy you,
I would never drink orange
juice again,
What happen to you?
Which kind ofjob is this?
My papa gave you new car and what
you have done with it.
You will miss your flight.
For which room?
No! I can't do it,
I will have serve this food.
He is a friend of mine,
Today is his birthday and we want
to give him surprise.
That's fine but hotel's rule...
Look! If there will be any problem
then I will talk to your manager,
Get some sweets for your child.
I didn't get married yet,
then buy for your own,
No, I can't do it.
I must have to serve this food,
it's a matter of quality,
And happy birthday,
No! It's not my birthday.
What's going on here?
What are you doing here?
We have come to deliver your food,
We are not lazy like you,
What rubbish?
Where is my package?
I sent it,
like everytime,
But I didn't get it.
This time it was a new girl.
That girl didn't know what was
in the package,
search the room,
They just felt that banana is extra
ordinary smiling,
I swear I don't have it,
That girl must have done some mistake.
Give me her number,
Why would I stay here if I wanted
to betray you,
That you don't know me,
Leave message for her that call
Now! Call her again,
This time leave a nice message,
And order some food from
room service.
What happen? Where you have been?
What are you doing here?
Why did you came here?
What happen?
He is Vivek and he is computer
engineer is canada,
How are you dude?
Are you coming for marriage?
He doesn't know,
I was about to tell him,
Actually he came here to take
his stuff, He is a cartoonist,
When you were about to tell me,
Who cares?
I am going to canada next month,
You should leave now,
Good luck for your cartooning,
Wait! This allias can't take place,
This girl has sucked my dick,
and because I am the 21st century man
I fucked this girl.
You have ruined our family respect,
Call me as soon as possible,
It's urgent,
I am sonia speaking,
I just got your message,
I wanted to ask about that package,
did you deliver it,
Actually! I didn't deliver it by
myself, I gave it to my friend,
Are you mad?
I explained you what to do?
It's a picnic,
I will take action against him,
by the way where is that package?
Actaully I am amazed why it's
not delivered yet,
If you will give me his address then
I will send someone to pick up.
Who is he?
You are Taashi,
Who are you?
So you are not Taashi,
I told you,
shall I come down,
Where is my package?
A girl named sonia gave you
a package,
Where is that package?
I don't know,
Ask to that person who dropped
that package,
He is not here,
Is this a joke?
He is right,
I dropped that package,
He is saying that you
are not here,
He gave someone to drop
and that man gave me,
He got that package and he
gave it to someone else,
and he gave you then you
dropped it,
Then why you didn't say earlier.
Sir, you didn't ask me,
I am asking now,
where is it?
I dropped on one shop,
There will be some mix up.
Your friend dropped itm
I am going,
What happen?
You are not going home,
I have to meet my brother,
And you must be photo journalist,
Come! I was waiting for you.
They shaved your hair before
they hang you up.
No! Then why are you bald?
Who are you?
And what happen,
where we going?
I picked up by mistake.
I can't leave lot of diamonds,
My mind was not working,
But now we will return them,
We can't,
They wanted to kill us after they
got their diamonds,
Now we can't get back,
We can't run in the middle,
Where we will go?
Why don't we go to police?
Because sonia will be in problem,
It's her mistake what she is doing
with these ass holes.
And I know it's your dowry but
it's an ugly car.
So you have 30 diamonds,
and it's total is 9 million,
You come after 30 minutes till then
I will arrange the cash.
3 lacs for one diamond,
I will go to Patna,
Kashmir! Nobody will come to
find me there,
What are you doing?
I am just checking,
Where will you go?
They will find you,
They will beat me and I will
tell them you are in Patna,
I want my diamonds back till 2.
Otherwise I will send her back
with parcel post.
Who was that?
They have sonia?
We have to return the diamonds,
We will have to return the money
and return the diamods,
I quit my job,
But they will kill us,
We have no choice,
so we will go back,
I hate your girlfriend,
Give me the payment and take it,
How much?
Which 9 millions you gave us,
How many diamonds you want to buy?
We need all of them,
I am returning your 9 millions,
Please give us our diamonds,
Those guys came to sell their diamonds,
They didn't know the value,
I knew it,
that's why double amount,
It's a matter someone's life and death,
I am running such a huge business,
I didn't open orphanage here,
somebody will die.
I don't have time,
Just park the car and wait for us,
show me something else.
Please tell me which kind of item
you want,
What's the matter?
You don't like anything,
Then come into my office,
I will show you something,
I have an item that will make
you happy,
Nafeesa! Will you wait for me,
I will be right back.
In which range you want?
I don't care for money,
Look at this,
Only for you,
You will never see an art like this,
Get back,
sir! Here is your set,
I didn't imagine it will be great,
I wanted to thank your Boss,
Where is your boss?
He is inside, I will just call him,
What was the drama?
To save his wife.
She is not wife,
But she is your fiancee.
Are you engaged?
What was her name?
You just go there and give
me the sign,
I will handle the rest.
I think we should just warn her,
Control Room! I am following red car,
send the back up immediately,
I told you boyfriend that come at 2.
He didn't come yet.
You guys wait here,
I will be right back.
I am coming along,
It's my problem,
Where are you going?
What do you think?
Give me!
Leave her first,
I am ordering you not requesting you,
We four will go down,
you meet me in lobby and take it,
I will tell you how it will happen,
First I will kill her,
then I will kill all of you,
I will get my diamonds,
and what do you think?
World will change from your bravery.
You are showing me gun,
Do you know since when I am
doing this business.
You like girls.
Now I understand,
Don't know what are you saying?
What are you doing?
Are you following me,
she was kissing you,
Did you call that Art Director?
I am going back home,
I don't have money for rent,
I don't have anything else.
Forget something happened like this,
Take care,