Delusions of Grandeur (1971) Movie Script
Monseigneur Le Grande.
Good evening, amigos!
Here is the tax money, your excellency.
Stamp tax, tax on salt and
spices. How much is it altogether?
200,000 ducats, monseigneur.
- Last year it was more.
Back then the harvest was very good.
Now the harvest is bad,
so you must pay double.
All those taxes are for the king.
But Don Salluste, our people are poor...
That's how it should be. The poor
stay poor and the rich grow richer.
Come on, hurry up a little. I still
have to visit three more villages today.
Gather everything together. Hurry up.
And where are the cheers, the enthusiasm?
Long live Don Salluste.
Long live our benefactor.
Long live our great friend.
Never mind.
That carriage doesn't
seem very sturdy to me.
I said it isn't very sturdy.
It's a sieve, everything
falls out. If I were you...
After the carriage.
All for the king.
This is for me.
This is for me.
This is for me.
This is for me.
Hey, watch out.
Hey, take it easy.
The spice tax, for whom?
For Salluste? No, yes.
The stamp tax? For the
king? No, for Salluste.
Thief. No, not a thief.
This is for Salluste.
Watch out.
Wait, monseigneur. I'll help you.
- My collar.
- Let me help you.
That's my gold. That's my
money. I don't need you.
Are you sure?
What's happening?
The villagers are cheering for you.
- They're cheering?
I should have taken triple.
Blaze, Blaze...
Help.
Help.
Help.
Stop.
Stop.
Wait for me. Help.
- Why did you get out?
- Good Blaze.
My hand. Help me, Blaze. Hold tight.
Don't let go of me. That good Blaze.
Thank you, good Blaze.
They weren't cheering at all.
Here, take this.
They weren't cheering.
The scoundrels. They almost...
That's the rabble for you.
Not there.
Not there.
There.
There isn't enough foam.
- Not enough hair either.
Sit still.
And now, Blaze, flatter me a little.
His excellency is the noblest
of all the nobles in Spain.
That isn't flattery. It's simply true.
- Imbecile.
What did you say?
- Imbecile, I said that to that servant...
my master does not come
from an inbred marriage.
Don't judge by appearances. Even if his
mother was married to the half-brother...
of his aunt who was
the cousin of his father...
Are you sure this is flattery?
I wanted to say something
else, but I didn't dare.
Go ahead.
Your excellency is handsome.
Do you really mean what you say?
I'm flattering you.
Good night, majesty.
What's that?
The queen.
Ah, how beautiful. Forget-me-not, myosotis.
The queen has an admirer.
That's worth a lot of money.
It's Blaze.
There comes the old man.
Now all hell will break loose.
A queen of Spain does not receive
flowers. Not even from the king.
Now he's going to sing too.
Hey, Blaze. You're waking the whole palace.
Never has a word of love
sounded in my ear. Why?
The queen comes from Bavaria.
- She's beautiful but stupid.
What a beautiful song. My German
heart trembles at this melody...
Majesty.
A queen of Spain does not listen
to songs when the king is hunting.
Gone hunting, place abandoned.
Because I love the queen. I, a servant.
Now he's tap dancing
too. Wait, I'll get you.
My servant in love with the
queen. He's mad, they'll quarter him.
Come here, you.
He sings, he dances, he stomps.
Is it over now? It's 2 o'clock at night.
Let go.
Let go.
It's gold. It's time.
Time to wake up.
Monseigneur, it's 8 o'clock.
- One is missing.
- Are you sure?
Absolutely. Look under the bed.
There he lies.
- Look at that.
- What?
You're too big. You're my servant.
I must be able to see that.
Give me my slippers.
You're in a good mood.
- Not true. And do you know why?
Because of all that banging and
stomping and ringing and blaring.
- Monseigneur.
- Monseigneur.
- It's the...
- The what?
The queen.
The queen? At this hour? Quick, my doublet.
Pull that up.
Dress me.
I'm holding the Infanta's
hand and I'm never letting go.
I didn't know that you and the Infanta...
- My collar.
She's coming to tell me that I'm
going to become the king's son-in-law.
He has no children.
- His nephew, it's the same thing.
If the king has a hunting accident...
the fat nephew Lopold...
the little Duke of Anjou...
a whole lot of accidents...
then I'll be king.
- Then the War of Succession won't happen.
- The queen.
- Clear this place up.
Make way for the queen.
Silence.
Keep those dogs quiet.
You dishonored my lady-in-waiting...
I did what?
And abused the innocence
of a young German girl.
Thank you, little Infanta.
I'm happy, my aunt. My aunt.
Get those dwarfs out. Out, quickly.
Out, quickly. What a beautiful language.
You are dismissed, banished and expelled.
Your money is confiscated by the crown.
What did she say?
Don Salluste, you are dismissed and exiled.
You lose your title of
Knight of the Golden Fleece...
and your position as minister.
Your possessions are confiscated.
What have I done then?
A child, Don Salluste.
What is that? Who is it?
- Do you refuse to acknowledge this baby?
I don't know him.
Seduced and abandoned.
- Liar. She lies in German.
That child is a false witness. I
have nothing... She and I no, never.
It's a colossal conspiracy.
Don Salluste, tomorrow
you will leave Madrid.
First you will return your
Golden Fleece to the king.
Madam, madam...
Are you letting yourself
be influenced by a baby?
I acknowledge my mistakes, my
children and the children of others. Yours.
The scoundrel.
- He doesn't know the first thing about it.
His downfall suits us well.
Tomorrow he will return his Fleece
to the king. A golden opportunity.
We must act quickly.
Amigos.
Not that. That's mine.
No, that's mine too.
No, not the table.
Hey, come help for a moment.
My forks.
The queen said everything. Everything.
- I have nothing.
- Yes, you do.
Who put that in my trousers?
What am I supposed to do now?
I'm a minister, I can't do anything.
We'll find something.
- Get lost. I never want to see you again.
- What about my wages?
- Here, take it.
I disown you. You no longer exist for me.
Excuse me? That's my broom.
Bandit, scoundrel.
And you, little queen. I
will have my revenge. Here.
One-eye.
- Do you know Csar?
- The bandit?
Find him for me.
No one has seen him for
ten years. And with one eye...
You can see perfectly well with one eye.
You're right. But if you have
one half, the rest can't be far away.
Csar, my nephew.
Scoundrel, wretch.
- I'm here.
- Rascal.
- It's me. Where are you?
- Up here.
- Where?
- Here.
- There he is.
- I'm coming.
Hello, old man. Crawled out
of your hole? Do you need me?
I want to make you a proposal.
- Does it pay well?
A fortune. Mine.
- Do you think I'm your donkey?
No, not that way.
No, a little farther.
Listen, the bandit Csar
disappears. People forget him.
And you become Don Csar again.
I'll make the whole court believe
that you're returning from America.
And you seduce the queen.
- Have you really fallen from grace?
You seduce the queen. I write
an anonymous letter to the king.
He forgives you and restores my power.
Do you think you'll find an idiot
who'll take part in something like that?
An idiot, yes. I just threw him out.
Because you're no use to me.
Follow me.
What do we do with him?
- To Barbary in Africa.
You're even more cowardly than I thought.
- Sell him. Get him out of my sight.
Death to Salluste.
Long live the king.
Death to Salluste.
A lady walking through
Madrid at night... How careless.
Would that really be prudent?
- What?
- Do you know why I'm here?
Since you left me, I've been so depressed.
Sir does not know what she is saying.
Yes, I've thought about
you often since this morning.
Give me your hand. Your hand.
What a fate.
You are ugly, she is beautiful.
You don't have a cent, she is rich.
You are an idiot, she is too.
You are a servant, she is queen.
That's what it says.
She doesn't even know I exist.
What if I overcame that small
obstacle with my magic power?
What if I turned you into Prince Charming?
- Your hand.
- No.
How lucky you are. And that luck is me.
This way.
On your knees before the king.
He wants you to crawl before him.
The queen will recognize me.
Do you know how many lackeys
like you there are in this palace?
Eight hundred.
Once again.
- Not to the barber but at the barber.
No, the opposite. And
you don't say good day...
But it is a pleasure to meet you.
Very good.
It's dreadful here. How
can you live in such a dump?
This is where you house your staff.
- Quite nice here. Very nice.
You're comfortable here.
Undress.
What's your name?
- Don Csar, Count of Gafaro.
No, Garofa. Count of Garofa.
He is returning from America.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, hop.
You truly have no class.
And lying, can you do that?
That comes in handy at court.
Tell me a huge lie, then I'll
see whether I believe you.
A really huge one, come on.
Yesterday, in monseigneur's costume...
I found 300,000 ducats.
- Where are they?
- Under my mattress.
- Thief, you robbed me.
- No, I lied.
Long live the king.
The king.
Dismount.
Hat on. Noblemen keep
their hats on before the king.
Pardon.
Only the poor apologize.
The rich are unpleasant.
A miracle.
In Florence they call
this "an infernal machine".
You're making fools of us.
You wouldn't hurt a fly with that.
It becomes a thousand times
stronger, and the king of Spain... boom.
Gentlemen, in a few
moments the king will be dead.
One for all, every man for himself.
What's wrong?
I'm nervous. Shall we come back tomorrow?
Today I must surrender my Fleece.
Do you want to meet the queen?
- Yes, but...
- Then come on.
I said no.
- What did I see in America?
- Americans.
And thus whoever knows
you will know who you are.
The Infanta.
Your fiance? My congratulations.
Ugly child. And badly brought up as well.
I could have found someone
better to introduce me.
Ungrateful dog. I made you a knight.
Badly brought up. Did
you see that? Where is he?
Where are you going?
- Last night I was out of my mind.
Why are you doing this for me? I'm leaving.
- I order you to stay.
- Enough.
Your bows, standing up,
sitting down... I'm sick of it.
- Good day.
- You are...
Yes, I too am badly brought up.
The king, the queen.
Is the exit there or there?
The nobles.
Gentlemen, hats on.
- And my money?
- You'll get it afterwards.
No money, no bomb.
Giuseppe, here is a bill of exchange.
The other half after the explosion.
Unlock the mechanism.
It will explode in exactly
4 minutes and 30 seconds.
Make sure you are 20
meters from the throne.
My God, the queen.
Quickly, monseigneur.
- Where is the throne?
- There.
Don Salluste, Marquis de Montalegr...
Baron del Pisco...
by order of his majesty,
our beloved king...
you shall retire to the
monastery of San Ignacio...
where you shall take a
vow of chastity and poverty.
No, not poverty.
Sire, Don Salluste awaits
the kindness of your majesty.
Don Salluste...
you are no longer worthy
to remain in our company.
As the queen has said...
we strip you of the title of
Knight of the Golden Fleece.
That's heavy.
Enough, Salluste.
Watch out.
He's going to explode.
Careful, Sire.
The cushion.
It was Salluste.
Salluste wanted to
kill the king. Arrest him.
There he is.
- That's not true. I was sitting here, liar.
This time it really wasn't
me. I was sitting here.
Majesty, it was him. Look.
- Give that paper back.
This is the proof, Sire.
Quick.
Who are you? You saved our lives.
Well then, Majesty, I am...
I am...
My nephew, Sire. Don Csar...
- Count of Gafaro.
- Garofa.
Count of Garofa.
Who has just returned from
America - Where I saw Americans.
- Don Salluste...
- Yes, Sire?
You have five minutes
to go to Puerta del Sol.
He really hates me.
- Csar.
- That's you.
Csar, come here.
Csar Von Garofa.
On your knees.
I hope you will be
worthier than your uncle.
Yes, Sire.
To Puerta del Sol.
Your little bomb was badly
set. It exploded too early.
But my big bomb over
there will explode much later.
And then a scandal will break out.
- I don't understand you.
To barbarity.
That scoundrel Salluste, I'll get you yet.
- Tell something else, Csar.
- Where do you come from?
- Madrid.
The king sold me for 500 dinars.
The treasury is still empty.
That scoundrel Salluste.
A lot has changed.
Salluste is no longer in
power, but his nephew Csar is.
Csar? Damn it. I am Csar.
How much is it?
- Three to four million ducats.
The "voluntary" contribution
of Marquis Del Basto.
We have never paid.
- Everything has its beginning.
- By what right?
- Divine right.
What did you want to do about it?
Majesty...
Who's next?
The rogue took 5 million from me.
- I'm not paying.
I am. But whoever pays last, pays best.
Why do your boots shine more than mine?
- Because I polish them myself.
- Yourself?
I'll show you. It's easy.
Give me your leg.
The Marquis of Prigo, the
Dukes of Los Monts and Sandoval.
May I?
Excuse me, it's the only way.
- Every morning.
- Every morning?
Give me your leg. Come on.
Sire, I protest. Only the poor pay taxes.
- Indeed, that is not fair.
- We changed it.
That's less gold than before.
- I think so too, Sire.
That's almost nothing.
Let me down.
Don't make those faces.
- I think...
- Enough. My horse.
You are coming hunting with us.
- Sire, the queen is waiting for you.
The queen, the queen.
Tell her I'll come tomorrow.
When I have killed
six wolves, I will return.
- Dona Isabella?
- No.
Majesty, Don Csar.
What do you wish?
- The king will not return until tomorrow.
He was urgently called away.
You lie badly. That is very delicate.
Are you playing with me, Don Csar?
Majesty. A queen does
not play with a nobleman.
- Who says that?
- Etiquette, madam.
This time we will forget that etiquette.
- We blindfold etiquette.
- But Majesty.
Here I am. Where are you?
Where are you, children?
Here, Dona Juana.
- I've got you.
- Yes, a little farther.
Who did that?
Who dares? Who pushed me?
I'm getting water in. I'm choking.
- Careful, Dona Juana.
- I drowned her.
I'll make those brats pay for that.
I have to speak to you.
- That is strictly forbidden.
It is forbidden for me to
pretend to be someone else.
I accept the king's favors...
- I do not understand you.
My name is not Csar, but Blaze.
I am not the nephew,
but Salluste's servant.
Ah, servant. You are Swiss.
What do you mean, Swiss?
A disaster, the old man.
I don't know how to tell you...
- Don Csar.
I have to tell you, I love you.
You are so beautiful, so radiant.
Yes, I have desired you for months.
It's not intentional, but you are so
charming with your mischievous eyes...
your little feet.
That was all.
If you want me to leave, then I will go.
- You're crying.
- Yes.
Don Csar. There you are.
- My dear baron.
- About my taxes.
It's difficult for me to...
I will be yours with all my heart and soul.
Here is my hand.
You're sighing, Csar.
I love you too.
Not so fast.
Little savage.
Suppose they recognize you.
- After six months, not anymore.
I'll blend into the procession.
Blaze must be there.
Blaze, is that you?
Csar, is that you?
No, that's not him.
Why isn't the minister there?
- He's with the king.
He's come up with another law.
If you kill a servant, you must report it.
Csar, if only someone had the
courage to stab him in the back.
A plot against Blaze? They ruin everything.
One could almost wish
that scoundrel Salluste back.
At least he stole from the poor.
- Poison is best.
Tomorrow is his birthday.
We'll give him a poisoned cake.
Idiot.
It wasn't me.
Del Basto, Sandoval.
What time tomorrow?
At 3 o'clock at my place.
At 4 o'clock it will be done.
Prigo.
Los Monts.
A plot against Blaze.
I must warn him,
otherwise my plot will fail.
Stupid, stupid.
He's deaf too.
I'm listening.
You're talking too fast. Once more.
Not so loud, I'm not deaf.
What is he saying?
- Don't interfere in our conversation.
Go on.
Reforms? He's carrying out reforms?
That's why they want
to give him a cream cake.
Not to fatten him up, but to poison him.
He must not eat any of it
under any circumstances.
Why? If they kill my poor Blaze...
I won't be able to have him caught
by the king in the queen's bed.
Deceiving the king, that is my revenge.
For you, my finest bull.
Look how brave he is.
I gave him your brand.
Prigo, I take your money
away and you give me a bull.
What does that mean?
- That I'm not resentful.
Come, I have more surprises.
Cyanide.
I'll teach you to steal. Beast, scoundrel.
Come with me.
I'm taking you to the
marquis. You'll get beaten.
Your cream isn't sweet but salty. Taste it.
- Sweet.
- It's salty.
A little more.
The marquis? As a lackey?
- What are you doing here?
- Dance for me.
What nerve, coming to
my friends on my birthday.
Enjoy it, it's your last.
Your cake is poisoned.
Try to buy some time. I'll handle it.
- Who wants to kill me?
- Your friends.
There they are. Give me a beating.
Csar, are you coming?
- Take that, beggar.
- Not so hard.
Enough.
- Cut your cake.
- Gladly. I'm touched.
A fine gesture among friends.
But there are too many flies.
It's time... We must buy time.
There won't be that
many... Well, look at that.
Look at all those flies. Look, don't move.
Look. She's tasting my cake.
She's dead.
- Strange.
- What are you waiting for?
Cut your cake.
Such a beautiful cake
deserves a good sword.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Treason.
Leave him to me.
Salluste.
Run.
That way.
Silence.
I present to you an execution.
But not that of the bull.
Gentlemen, now us.
Quick.
Quick, quick.
You saved me. You are...
You are my prisoner.
What has gotten into you? Let me go.
- In there.
- Please, monsignor.
Stop it.
That's enough now.
Enough, I said. Look over there.
The queen is there... Silence, or
I'll pull out one of your feathers.
The queen is there. The
window with the balcony.
Look up.
We'll do it one more time.
Are you listening? Speak.
Go on then.
- Damn it.
- Rude beast. And for that price.
Go on, speak.
Repeat after me: Csar sent me.
- Csar sent me.
- Very good. And then?
"Yo te quiero."
- Not in Spanish, in German.
"Ich Liebe dich."
No, not that window.
What is he saying to that old man?
Csar sent me.
What are you saying? Tomorrow evening?
At the Black Head inn?
He will wait for you.
"Jawohl, Mein Liebe."
What's all that noise?
You made a mistake, come back.
The queen is up there.
Is there someone in the garden?
What a beautiful parrot.
Tell her.
"Ich Liebe dich."
- Really?
- Don Csar sent me.
Don Csar, are you there?
Filthy beast, just wait.
What a good idea. That's so romantic.
Don Csar, are you falling?
No, my dear. I'm quite comfortable here.
Will you meet me tomorrow
evening at the Black Head?
A rendezvous? That is utter madness.
No, small madness. Can I count on you?
- Count?
- Yes, eins, zwei, drei...
Yes, I will come.
She will come.
Good night, Don Csar.
"Auf Wiedersehen."
Anonymous letter for the king.
Anonymous letter for the king.
Sire, you are too powerful.
Anonymous letter for the king.
An anonymous letter?
Your Majesty is being deceived.
Me?
Yes, you. The queen is deceiving you.
- With whom?
- With Don Csar.
The traitor.
The queen is meeting him
tonight at the Black Head.
Soon she will come and say to you:
Majesty...
My father is ill. May I
go to Bavaria, please?
- When do you wish to leave?
- Tonight.
The sooner I leave, the sooner I'll return.
Go, madam. In spirit I
shall be with you all the way.
Thank you, beloved king.
I don't understand any of this anymore.
You will.
You save me, you abduct
me, you shave me. Why?
Watch out.
What do you bear on your shield, old rogue?
- I'll tell you.
You are a pawn in my game.
And now I clean my pawn.
Look.
Do you remember?
- No.
- Yes, you do.
That hurts, doesn't it?
I perfume my pawn.
I spruce him up.
I make him handsome and irresistible.
Not satisfied?
It's finished. How handsome he is.
Not once in forty years
and now three times.
Kicked in the backside by a lackey.
- The backside of a petty nobleman.
You have an enormous head.
I shall have you arrested.
You are no longer a minister.
I gag my pawn.
And I calm my pawn.
Watch out. Finished.
Stupid one-eye.
- Still nobody?
- No.
Open your eye. And you...
Speak.
Did I really have to run into a mute.
Don't look, there's nobody there. Get lost.
Malaga. That's for sleeping well.
And when you wake up later, a
surprise will be waiting for you.
Stay lying there.
I'm going to make myself handsome
too and I'll be back in five minutes.
- Who are you?
- Don Csar.
The real one.
There's someone there.
My dearest.
My treasure.
My husband.
Mama.
The parrot told me everything.
There's a zebra under the bed listening in.
This love nest, those flowers, this supper.
Bite me again, little wildcat.
- Let's have a drink first.
- Great fool.
Do you want to get me drunk?
- You first.
- After you, Juanita.
Monseigneur.
What is it?
The mute has been struck down.
- Blaze, it was him.
The old man.
What is she doing here?
- Who is that?
- The lady-in-waiting.
Where is the queen? And Blaze?
- Escaped.
- He can't be far.
Go look for him. Put him
in this bed immediately.
You that way, me this way.
You are so strong.
Love me.
No, not now.
Go to sleep.
- Who's there?
- It's me, Don Csar.
One moment, bitte.
Come in, Mein Liebling.
- Done.
- Quiet.
I struck him down and put him in his bed.
Give me a hand.
Csar, my cousin.
You made a mistake, idiot.
Your cousin? That's right, isn't it?
- I had sent him into exile.
- Where was he?
- In the corridor.
He escaped. I'm going mad.
Let's put him beside the old man.
Majesty, Liebling. Quick, wake up.
One, two...
- Majesty.
- I love you, Csar.
He wants to compromise you.
- Kiss me.
- Kiss?
I would like to, but
this is not the moment.
Where is Blaze?
Just now he wasn't there yet.
- I don't understand any of this.
Like this...
And like this. And he...
Csar, I love you.
Dismount.
Csar, come.
Majesty.
Bring everyone here.
Salluste? What are you doing here?
Where is the queen?
Did you receive my anonymous letter?
- Where is the queen?
Upstairs, Sire. I'll lead the way.
Quickly.
Watch out.
I am doing you a great service.
So give me back my position,
my title, and my money.
Here it is.
Sire, you here?
Wake up, Juanita, my little angel.
Dona Juana, are you not ashamed?
- No, Sire.
And you?
- Where is the queen?
- The queen? Here?
She has gone to
Bavaria. To her sick father.
Dona Juana and I took advantage of it.
Salluste.
That's enough. You are in a virgin's room.
Sire, I am no longer a virgin.
- Let's get married.
- No.
Well... I'll explain it
to you. Oh, stop it.
We only found these two.
Who are they? Salluste.
Where is he?
Csar, kiss me.
What is she saying?
Kiss her, idiot.
- Where are you going?
- Nowhere, Sire.
I was looking for you, Majesty.
- And, Salluste...
have I been deceived?
Wait.
Look who we have here.
The nobles.
I have the finest penal camp in the Sahara.
We won't rot here.
We escape, return to Madrid, we conspire...
the king repudiates the queen,
the old man marries the parrot...
Csar becomes king, I
marry him and become queen.
Isn't it going a bit to your head?
What are you doing here, Csar?
His name is not Csar but Blaze.
The king let me choose
between Dona Juana and exile.
- And?
- I chose exile.
- Oh no.
- The old man.
Csar, here I am.
No, help.
- Help.
- Wait for me, my love.
Adapted and improved by BuStEl, 2026
mastodon.social/@LumiereEnSousTitrons
Good evening, amigos!
Here is the tax money, your excellency.
Stamp tax, tax on salt and
spices. How much is it altogether?
200,000 ducats, monseigneur.
- Last year it was more.
Back then the harvest was very good.
Now the harvest is bad,
so you must pay double.
All those taxes are for the king.
But Don Salluste, our people are poor...
That's how it should be. The poor
stay poor and the rich grow richer.
Come on, hurry up a little. I still
have to visit three more villages today.
Gather everything together. Hurry up.
And where are the cheers, the enthusiasm?
Long live Don Salluste.
Long live our benefactor.
Long live our great friend.
Never mind.
That carriage doesn't
seem very sturdy to me.
I said it isn't very sturdy.
It's a sieve, everything
falls out. If I were you...
After the carriage.
All for the king.
This is for me.
This is for me.
This is for me.
This is for me.
Hey, watch out.
Hey, take it easy.
The spice tax, for whom?
For Salluste? No, yes.
The stamp tax? For the
king? No, for Salluste.
Thief. No, not a thief.
This is for Salluste.
Watch out.
Wait, monseigneur. I'll help you.
- My collar.
- Let me help you.
That's my gold. That's my
money. I don't need you.
Are you sure?
What's happening?
The villagers are cheering for you.
- They're cheering?
I should have taken triple.
Blaze, Blaze...
Help.
Help.
Help.
Stop.
Stop.
Wait for me. Help.
- Why did you get out?
- Good Blaze.
My hand. Help me, Blaze. Hold tight.
Don't let go of me. That good Blaze.
Thank you, good Blaze.
They weren't cheering at all.
Here, take this.
They weren't cheering.
The scoundrels. They almost...
That's the rabble for you.
Not there.
Not there.
There.
There isn't enough foam.
- Not enough hair either.
Sit still.
And now, Blaze, flatter me a little.
His excellency is the noblest
of all the nobles in Spain.
That isn't flattery. It's simply true.
- Imbecile.
What did you say?
- Imbecile, I said that to that servant...
my master does not come
from an inbred marriage.
Don't judge by appearances. Even if his
mother was married to the half-brother...
of his aunt who was
the cousin of his father...
Are you sure this is flattery?
I wanted to say something
else, but I didn't dare.
Go ahead.
Your excellency is handsome.
Do you really mean what you say?
I'm flattering you.
Good night, majesty.
What's that?
The queen.
Ah, how beautiful. Forget-me-not, myosotis.
The queen has an admirer.
That's worth a lot of money.
It's Blaze.
There comes the old man.
Now all hell will break loose.
A queen of Spain does not receive
flowers. Not even from the king.
Now he's going to sing too.
Hey, Blaze. You're waking the whole palace.
Never has a word of love
sounded in my ear. Why?
The queen comes from Bavaria.
- She's beautiful but stupid.
What a beautiful song. My German
heart trembles at this melody...
Majesty.
A queen of Spain does not listen
to songs when the king is hunting.
Gone hunting, place abandoned.
Because I love the queen. I, a servant.
Now he's tap dancing
too. Wait, I'll get you.
My servant in love with the
queen. He's mad, they'll quarter him.
Come here, you.
He sings, he dances, he stomps.
Is it over now? It's 2 o'clock at night.
Let go.
Let go.
It's gold. It's time.
Time to wake up.
Monseigneur, it's 8 o'clock.
- One is missing.
- Are you sure?
Absolutely. Look under the bed.
There he lies.
- Look at that.
- What?
You're too big. You're my servant.
I must be able to see that.
Give me my slippers.
You're in a good mood.
- Not true. And do you know why?
Because of all that banging and
stomping and ringing and blaring.
- Monseigneur.
- Monseigneur.
- It's the...
- The what?
The queen.
The queen? At this hour? Quick, my doublet.
Pull that up.
Dress me.
I'm holding the Infanta's
hand and I'm never letting go.
I didn't know that you and the Infanta...
- My collar.
She's coming to tell me that I'm
going to become the king's son-in-law.
He has no children.
- His nephew, it's the same thing.
If the king has a hunting accident...
the fat nephew Lopold...
the little Duke of Anjou...
a whole lot of accidents...
then I'll be king.
- Then the War of Succession won't happen.
- The queen.
- Clear this place up.
Make way for the queen.
Silence.
Keep those dogs quiet.
You dishonored my lady-in-waiting...
I did what?
And abused the innocence
of a young German girl.
Thank you, little Infanta.
I'm happy, my aunt. My aunt.
Get those dwarfs out. Out, quickly.
Out, quickly. What a beautiful language.
You are dismissed, banished and expelled.
Your money is confiscated by the crown.
What did she say?
Don Salluste, you are dismissed and exiled.
You lose your title of
Knight of the Golden Fleece...
and your position as minister.
Your possessions are confiscated.
What have I done then?
A child, Don Salluste.
What is that? Who is it?
- Do you refuse to acknowledge this baby?
I don't know him.
Seduced and abandoned.
- Liar. She lies in German.
That child is a false witness. I
have nothing... She and I no, never.
It's a colossal conspiracy.
Don Salluste, tomorrow
you will leave Madrid.
First you will return your
Golden Fleece to the king.
Madam, madam...
Are you letting yourself
be influenced by a baby?
I acknowledge my mistakes, my
children and the children of others. Yours.
The scoundrel.
- He doesn't know the first thing about it.
His downfall suits us well.
Tomorrow he will return his Fleece
to the king. A golden opportunity.
We must act quickly.
Amigos.
Not that. That's mine.
No, that's mine too.
No, not the table.
Hey, come help for a moment.
My forks.
The queen said everything. Everything.
- I have nothing.
- Yes, you do.
Who put that in my trousers?
What am I supposed to do now?
I'm a minister, I can't do anything.
We'll find something.
- Get lost. I never want to see you again.
- What about my wages?
- Here, take it.
I disown you. You no longer exist for me.
Excuse me? That's my broom.
Bandit, scoundrel.
And you, little queen. I
will have my revenge. Here.
One-eye.
- Do you know Csar?
- The bandit?
Find him for me.
No one has seen him for
ten years. And with one eye...
You can see perfectly well with one eye.
You're right. But if you have
one half, the rest can't be far away.
Csar, my nephew.
Scoundrel, wretch.
- I'm here.
- Rascal.
- It's me. Where are you?
- Up here.
- Where?
- Here.
- There he is.
- I'm coming.
Hello, old man. Crawled out
of your hole? Do you need me?
I want to make you a proposal.
- Does it pay well?
A fortune. Mine.
- Do you think I'm your donkey?
No, not that way.
No, a little farther.
Listen, the bandit Csar
disappears. People forget him.
And you become Don Csar again.
I'll make the whole court believe
that you're returning from America.
And you seduce the queen.
- Have you really fallen from grace?
You seduce the queen. I write
an anonymous letter to the king.
He forgives you and restores my power.
Do you think you'll find an idiot
who'll take part in something like that?
An idiot, yes. I just threw him out.
Because you're no use to me.
Follow me.
What do we do with him?
- To Barbary in Africa.
You're even more cowardly than I thought.
- Sell him. Get him out of my sight.
Death to Salluste.
Long live the king.
Death to Salluste.
A lady walking through
Madrid at night... How careless.
Would that really be prudent?
- What?
- Do you know why I'm here?
Since you left me, I've been so depressed.
Sir does not know what she is saying.
Yes, I've thought about
you often since this morning.
Give me your hand. Your hand.
What a fate.
You are ugly, she is beautiful.
You don't have a cent, she is rich.
You are an idiot, she is too.
You are a servant, she is queen.
That's what it says.
She doesn't even know I exist.
What if I overcame that small
obstacle with my magic power?
What if I turned you into Prince Charming?
- Your hand.
- No.
How lucky you are. And that luck is me.
This way.
On your knees before the king.
He wants you to crawl before him.
The queen will recognize me.
Do you know how many lackeys
like you there are in this palace?
Eight hundred.
Once again.
- Not to the barber but at the barber.
No, the opposite. And
you don't say good day...
But it is a pleasure to meet you.
Very good.
It's dreadful here. How
can you live in such a dump?
This is where you house your staff.
- Quite nice here. Very nice.
You're comfortable here.
Undress.
What's your name?
- Don Csar, Count of Gafaro.
No, Garofa. Count of Garofa.
He is returning from America.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, hop.
You truly have no class.
And lying, can you do that?
That comes in handy at court.
Tell me a huge lie, then I'll
see whether I believe you.
A really huge one, come on.
Yesterday, in monseigneur's costume...
I found 300,000 ducats.
- Where are they?
- Under my mattress.
- Thief, you robbed me.
- No, I lied.
Long live the king.
The king.
Dismount.
Hat on. Noblemen keep
their hats on before the king.
Pardon.
Only the poor apologize.
The rich are unpleasant.
A miracle.
In Florence they call
this "an infernal machine".
You're making fools of us.
You wouldn't hurt a fly with that.
It becomes a thousand times
stronger, and the king of Spain... boom.
Gentlemen, in a few
moments the king will be dead.
One for all, every man for himself.
What's wrong?
I'm nervous. Shall we come back tomorrow?
Today I must surrender my Fleece.
Do you want to meet the queen?
- Yes, but...
- Then come on.
I said no.
- What did I see in America?
- Americans.
And thus whoever knows
you will know who you are.
The Infanta.
Your fiance? My congratulations.
Ugly child. And badly brought up as well.
I could have found someone
better to introduce me.
Ungrateful dog. I made you a knight.
Badly brought up. Did
you see that? Where is he?
Where are you going?
- Last night I was out of my mind.
Why are you doing this for me? I'm leaving.
- I order you to stay.
- Enough.
Your bows, standing up,
sitting down... I'm sick of it.
- Good day.
- You are...
Yes, I too am badly brought up.
The king, the queen.
Is the exit there or there?
The nobles.
Gentlemen, hats on.
- And my money?
- You'll get it afterwards.
No money, no bomb.
Giuseppe, here is a bill of exchange.
The other half after the explosion.
Unlock the mechanism.
It will explode in exactly
4 minutes and 30 seconds.
Make sure you are 20
meters from the throne.
My God, the queen.
Quickly, monseigneur.
- Where is the throne?
- There.
Don Salluste, Marquis de Montalegr...
Baron del Pisco...
by order of his majesty,
our beloved king...
you shall retire to the
monastery of San Ignacio...
where you shall take a
vow of chastity and poverty.
No, not poverty.
Sire, Don Salluste awaits
the kindness of your majesty.
Don Salluste...
you are no longer worthy
to remain in our company.
As the queen has said...
we strip you of the title of
Knight of the Golden Fleece.
That's heavy.
Enough, Salluste.
Watch out.
He's going to explode.
Careful, Sire.
The cushion.
It was Salluste.
Salluste wanted to
kill the king. Arrest him.
There he is.
- That's not true. I was sitting here, liar.
This time it really wasn't
me. I was sitting here.
Majesty, it was him. Look.
- Give that paper back.
This is the proof, Sire.
Quick.
Who are you? You saved our lives.
Well then, Majesty, I am...
I am...
My nephew, Sire. Don Csar...
- Count of Gafaro.
- Garofa.
Count of Garofa.
Who has just returned from
America - Where I saw Americans.
- Don Salluste...
- Yes, Sire?
You have five minutes
to go to Puerta del Sol.
He really hates me.
- Csar.
- That's you.
Csar, come here.
Csar Von Garofa.
On your knees.
I hope you will be
worthier than your uncle.
Yes, Sire.
To Puerta del Sol.
Your little bomb was badly
set. It exploded too early.
But my big bomb over
there will explode much later.
And then a scandal will break out.
- I don't understand you.
To barbarity.
That scoundrel Salluste, I'll get you yet.
- Tell something else, Csar.
- Where do you come from?
- Madrid.
The king sold me for 500 dinars.
The treasury is still empty.
That scoundrel Salluste.
A lot has changed.
Salluste is no longer in
power, but his nephew Csar is.
Csar? Damn it. I am Csar.
How much is it?
- Three to four million ducats.
The "voluntary" contribution
of Marquis Del Basto.
We have never paid.
- Everything has its beginning.
- By what right?
- Divine right.
What did you want to do about it?
Majesty...
Who's next?
The rogue took 5 million from me.
- I'm not paying.
I am. But whoever pays last, pays best.
Why do your boots shine more than mine?
- Because I polish them myself.
- Yourself?
I'll show you. It's easy.
Give me your leg.
The Marquis of Prigo, the
Dukes of Los Monts and Sandoval.
May I?
Excuse me, it's the only way.
- Every morning.
- Every morning?
Give me your leg. Come on.
Sire, I protest. Only the poor pay taxes.
- Indeed, that is not fair.
- We changed it.
That's less gold than before.
- I think so too, Sire.
That's almost nothing.
Let me down.
Don't make those faces.
- I think...
- Enough. My horse.
You are coming hunting with us.
- Sire, the queen is waiting for you.
The queen, the queen.
Tell her I'll come tomorrow.
When I have killed
six wolves, I will return.
- Dona Isabella?
- No.
Majesty, Don Csar.
What do you wish?
- The king will not return until tomorrow.
He was urgently called away.
You lie badly. That is very delicate.
Are you playing with me, Don Csar?
Majesty. A queen does
not play with a nobleman.
- Who says that?
- Etiquette, madam.
This time we will forget that etiquette.
- We blindfold etiquette.
- But Majesty.
Here I am. Where are you?
Where are you, children?
Here, Dona Juana.
- I've got you.
- Yes, a little farther.
Who did that?
Who dares? Who pushed me?
I'm getting water in. I'm choking.
- Careful, Dona Juana.
- I drowned her.
I'll make those brats pay for that.
I have to speak to you.
- That is strictly forbidden.
It is forbidden for me to
pretend to be someone else.
I accept the king's favors...
- I do not understand you.
My name is not Csar, but Blaze.
I am not the nephew,
but Salluste's servant.
Ah, servant. You are Swiss.
What do you mean, Swiss?
A disaster, the old man.
I don't know how to tell you...
- Don Csar.
I have to tell you, I love you.
You are so beautiful, so radiant.
Yes, I have desired you for months.
It's not intentional, but you are so
charming with your mischievous eyes...
your little feet.
That was all.
If you want me to leave, then I will go.
- You're crying.
- Yes.
Don Csar. There you are.
- My dear baron.
- About my taxes.
It's difficult for me to...
I will be yours with all my heart and soul.
Here is my hand.
You're sighing, Csar.
I love you too.
Not so fast.
Little savage.
Suppose they recognize you.
- After six months, not anymore.
I'll blend into the procession.
Blaze must be there.
Blaze, is that you?
Csar, is that you?
No, that's not him.
Why isn't the minister there?
- He's with the king.
He's come up with another law.
If you kill a servant, you must report it.
Csar, if only someone had the
courage to stab him in the back.
A plot against Blaze? They ruin everything.
One could almost wish
that scoundrel Salluste back.
At least he stole from the poor.
- Poison is best.
Tomorrow is his birthday.
We'll give him a poisoned cake.
Idiot.
It wasn't me.
Del Basto, Sandoval.
What time tomorrow?
At 3 o'clock at my place.
At 4 o'clock it will be done.
Prigo.
Los Monts.
A plot against Blaze.
I must warn him,
otherwise my plot will fail.
Stupid, stupid.
He's deaf too.
I'm listening.
You're talking too fast. Once more.
Not so loud, I'm not deaf.
What is he saying?
- Don't interfere in our conversation.
Go on.
Reforms? He's carrying out reforms?
That's why they want
to give him a cream cake.
Not to fatten him up, but to poison him.
He must not eat any of it
under any circumstances.
Why? If they kill my poor Blaze...
I won't be able to have him caught
by the king in the queen's bed.
Deceiving the king, that is my revenge.
For you, my finest bull.
Look how brave he is.
I gave him your brand.
Prigo, I take your money
away and you give me a bull.
What does that mean?
- That I'm not resentful.
Come, I have more surprises.
Cyanide.
I'll teach you to steal. Beast, scoundrel.
Come with me.
I'm taking you to the
marquis. You'll get beaten.
Your cream isn't sweet but salty. Taste it.
- Sweet.
- It's salty.
A little more.
The marquis? As a lackey?
- What are you doing here?
- Dance for me.
What nerve, coming to
my friends on my birthday.
Enjoy it, it's your last.
Your cake is poisoned.
Try to buy some time. I'll handle it.
- Who wants to kill me?
- Your friends.
There they are. Give me a beating.
Csar, are you coming?
- Take that, beggar.
- Not so hard.
Enough.
- Cut your cake.
- Gladly. I'm touched.
A fine gesture among friends.
But there are too many flies.
It's time... We must buy time.
There won't be that
many... Well, look at that.
Look at all those flies. Look, don't move.
Look. She's tasting my cake.
She's dead.
- Strange.
- What are you waiting for?
Cut your cake.
Such a beautiful cake
deserves a good sword.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Treason.
Leave him to me.
Salluste.
Run.
That way.
Silence.
I present to you an execution.
But not that of the bull.
Gentlemen, now us.
Quick.
Quick, quick.
You saved me. You are...
You are my prisoner.
What has gotten into you? Let me go.
- In there.
- Please, monsignor.
Stop it.
That's enough now.
Enough, I said. Look over there.
The queen is there... Silence, or
I'll pull out one of your feathers.
The queen is there. The
window with the balcony.
Look up.
We'll do it one more time.
Are you listening? Speak.
Go on then.
- Damn it.
- Rude beast. And for that price.
Go on, speak.
Repeat after me: Csar sent me.
- Csar sent me.
- Very good. And then?
"Yo te quiero."
- Not in Spanish, in German.
"Ich Liebe dich."
No, not that window.
What is he saying to that old man?
Csar sent me.
What are you saying? Tomorrow evening?
At the Black Head inn?
He will wait for you.
"Jawohl, Mein Liebe."
What's all that noise?
You made a mistake, come back.
The queen is up there.
Is there someone in the garden?
What a beautiful parrot.
Tell her.
"Ich Liebe dich."
- Really?
- Don Csar sent me.
Don Csar, are you there?
Filthy beast, just wait.
What a good idea. That's so romantic.
Don Csar, are you falling?
No, my dear. I'm quite comfortable here.
Will you meet me tomorrow
evening at the Black Head?
A rendezvous? That is utter madness.
No, small madness. Can I count on you?
- Count?
- Yes, eins, zwei, drei...
Yes, I will come.
She will come.
Good night, Don Csar.
"Auf Wiedersehen."
Anonymous letter for the king.
Anonymous letter for the king.
Sire, you are too powerful.
Anonymous letter for the king.
An anonymous letter?
Your Majesty is being deceived.
Me?
Yes, you. The queen is deceiving you.
- With whom?
- With Don Csar.
The traitor.
The queen is meeting him
tonight at the Black Head.
Soon she will come and say to you:
Majesty...
My father is ill. May I
go to Bavaria, please?
- When do you wish to leave?
- Tonight.
The sooner I leave, the sooner I'll return.
Go, madam. In spirit I
shall be with you all the way.
Thank you, beloved king.
I don't understand any of this anymore.
You will.
You save me, you abduct
me, you shave me. Why?
Watch out.
What do you bear on your shield, old rogue?
- I'll tell you.
You are a pawn in my game.
And now I clean my pawn.
Look.
Do you remember?
- No.
- Yes, you do.
That hurts, doesn't it?
I perfume my pawn.
I spruce him up.
I make him handsome and irresistible.
Not satisfied?
It's finished. How handsome he is.
Not once in forty years
and now three times.
Kicked in the backside by a lackey.
- The backside of a petty nobleman.
You have an enormous head.
I shall have you arrested.
You are no longer a minister.
I gag my pawn.
And I calm my pawn.
Watch out. Finished.
Stupid one-eye.
- Still nobody?
- No.
Open your eye. And you...
Speak.
Did I really have to run into a mute.
Don't look, there's nobody there. Get lost.
Malaga. That's for sleeping well.
And when you wake up later, a
surprise will be waiting for you.
Stay lying there.
I'm going to make myself handsome
too and I'll be back in five minutes.
- Who are you?
- Don Csar.
The real one.
There's someone there.
My dearest.
My treasure.
My husband.
Mama.
The parrot told me everything.
There's a zebra under the bed listening in.
This love nest, those flowers, this supper.
Bite me again, little wildcat.
- Let's have a drink first.
- Great fool.
Do you want to get me drunk?
- You first.
- After you, Juanita.
Monseigneur.
What is it?
The mute has been struck down.
- Blaze, it was him.
The old man.
What is she doing here?
- Who is that?
- The lady-in-waiting.
Where is the queen? And Blaze?
- Escaped.
- He can't be far.
Go look for him. Put him
in this bed immediately.
You that way, me this way.
You are so strong.
Love me.
No, not now.
Go to sleep.
- Who's there?
- It's me, Don Csar.
One moment, bitte.
Come in, Mein Liebling.
- Done.
- Quiet.
I struck him down and put him in his bed.
Give me a hand.
Csar, my cousin.
You made a mistake, idiot.
Your cousin? That's right, isn't it?
- I had sent him into exile.
- Where was he?
- In the corridor.
He escaped. I'm going mad.
Let's put him beside the old man.
Majesty, Liebling. Quick, wake up.
One, two...
- Majesty.
- I love you, Csar.
He wants to compromise you.
- Kiss me.
- Kiss?
I would like to, but
this is not the moment.
Where is Blaze?
Just now he wasn't there yet.
- I don't understand any of this.
Like this...
And like this. And he...
Csar, I love you.
Dismount.
Csar, come.
Majesty.
Bring everyone here.
Salluste? What are you doing here?
Where is the queen?
Did you receive my anonymous letter?
- Where is the queen?
Upstairs, Sire. I'll lead the way.
Quickly.
Watch out.
I am doing you a great service.
So give me back my position,
my title, and my money.
Here it is.
Sire, you here?
Wake up, Juanita, my little angel.
Dona Juana, are you not ashamed?
- No, Sire.
And you?
- Where is the queen?
- The queen? Here?
She has gone to
Bavaria. To her sick father.
Dona Juana and I took advantage of it.
Salluste.
That's enough. You are in a virgin's room.
Sire, I am no longer a virgin.
- Let's get married.
- No.
Well... I'll explain it
to you. Oh, stop it.
We only found these two.
Who are they? Salluste.
Where is he?
Csar, kiss me.
What is she saying?
Kiss her, idiot.
- Where are you going?
- Nowhere, Sire.
I was looking for you, Majesty.
- And, Salluste...
have I been deceived?
Wait.
Look who we have here.
The nobles.
I have the finest penal camp in the Sahara.
We won't rot here.
We escape, return to Madrid, we conspire...
the king repudiates the queen,
the old man marries the parrot...
Csar becomes king, I
marry him and become queen.
Isn't it going a bit to your head?
What are you doing here, Csar?
His name is not Csar but Blaze.
The king let me choose
between Dona Juana and exile.
- And?
- I chose exile.
- Oh no.
- The old man.
Csar, here I am.
No, help.
- Help.
- Wait for me, my love.
Adapted and improved by BuStEl, 2026
mastodon.social/@LumiereEnSousTitrons