Dennis the Menace Strikes Again! (1998) Movie Script

Uhh! Unh...
Huh? Oh.
I got...
I got new spots...
And you know something else?
I got this new kink in my shoulder,
and every time I...
Every time I do that, it hurts me.
Well, then don't do that.
George, those are the same old spots
and the same old kink you've always had.
Martha, I've been thinking.
We ought to move into a retirement community,
someplace where they have
doctors and nurses standing by.
You know, we're not getting any younger.
We go through this every birthday.
This is our home.
But, Martha, this place is the best.
They have high fences, armed guards
to keep the kids out.
No kids allowed. It's a paradise.
Oh, go soak in a long bath.
You'll feel better, then I'll fix you
a nice birthday breakfast.
You didn't tell anyone, right?
George, I didn't tell anybody
it was your birthday.
Especially you-know-who...
No, I did not tell Dennis, George.
Won't Mr. Wilson be surprised.
I bet he really likes you, Betsy.
You're the best-looking frog in the whole town,
but maybe a frog isn't such a good idea
for a old guy like Mr. Wilson.
I know!
A cool lizard...
Or a spider!
I know.
We'll let Mr. Wilson pick
which one he likes best.
Hey, Mrs. Wilson!
I have a surprise birthday present
for Mr. Wilson.
I just know how much he likes surprises.
Dennis, he's taking his bath right now.
Why don't you wait
and give it to him when he's finished?
Okay, thanks.
Come on.
She said we can give it to him when he finishes.
Da da-da Dee da
Sta wah wah
Bah Po Dee-Dee dah Dee day
Doo doot doo-doo det
Da da-da deh deh
Ya da da da deh deh
Boop boo doo Dee dah dah
Dah da wah wah wow wah
Dee boo bah boo
Boo doo Dee bah dah
Ah dah Dee dah dah
Dah dah do
Dah dah dah wah wah
Wah wah wah wah
Bah dah buh bah bah
Aah! Uhh!
Get back here!
I gotta call a plumber.
Frogs, lizards... forget the plumber.
I need an exterminator.
Hmm? Hmm? Huh?
Hi, Mr. Wilson.
Get off the bed, Dennis!
What do you think this is, a jungle?
But... but...
sometimes you look like a baby ape.
Mr. Wilson, wait! Where are you goin'?
Oh, oh, oh...
Oh. Eeh oh.
Oh, oh, eeh, ah.
Ah. Ah-ah... Oh! Ho ho!
Hey, wait.
Oh, oh, oh!
Aah! Ah ah! Oh!
Oh, jeez! Oh! Oh. Eh.
Oh! Ooh.
Ah! Ah ah!
Ow! Ow! Ooh!
Oh! Eh!
Whoa, whoa...
Happy birthday, Mr. Wilson.
Mr. Wilson: Mitchell!
Where's Dennis?
Don't say it, Martha. Don't say it!
He's not a boy, he's a menace.
Oh, what did he do this time?
bathtub, frogs, bugs, snakes!
I... wha...
wagon going down the stairs!
Cake in the face!
Happy birthday!
He was so excited about your birthday.
He likes you so much.
Yeah? Well, tell him to like somebody else!
Tell him to find another old man
and make his life miserable!
Ha ha ha ha!
Grandpa! Grandpa!
Ha ha ha ha!
The best grandson
in the whole wide world.
Wait a minute. We were talking about Dennis.
You're a lucky man, George,
living here with Dennis.
Yeah? You try it sometime.
Funny you should say that.
I sold the motor home.
But, Dad, you love travelin' around
in that big, old thing.
I decided that 2 weeks a year
isn't enough time
to spend with my wonderful grandson.
He needs a full-time Grandpa.
Alice, Henry...
If that spare room you offered
is still available, I'm moving in.
This is gonna be great!
We can go fishing, go to the arcade,
eat hot dogs every morning,
and even stay up late.
Dad, are you sure you've thought about this?
From now on,
I'm spending lots of time with Dennis,
every minute!
I know this is a bit of a surprise.
Henry and I were just talking
about you this morning.
This is gonna be great.
I hope that spare room is ready.
It's always ready for you, Dad.
I'm finally gonna get that kid outta my hair.
Thank you.
Ha ha ha!
Dad, you're forgetting.
It's not that easy living around Dennis.
Nonsense. He's just high-spirited.
Usually after 2 weeks,
you can't wait to get away, far away.
That was before.
Now this is home.
Here we are,
quietly having breakfast.
And where's Dennis? He's not here.
What a beautiful day.
I'm baking another birthday cake.
I should know to make 2 cakes.
With Dennis around,
you always wind up wearing the first one.
Not anymore.
From now on,
Grandpa's gonna get the cakes in the face.
It'll be good for Dennis
to spend time with his grandfather.
He's very nice.
I never trust a man that's always smiling.
And the man lived in his car.
That's a 50-foot motor home.
Well, he doesn't...
he doesn't act his age.
Neither do you, George.
You act much older.
I don't know why boys have
to hide their clubhouses
in such hard-to-find places.
I pledge allegiance
to the flag
of the no-girls-allowed club.
And to the coolest club
in the universe,
for which it stands,
one club, invisible,
with Liberty and justice for guys.
And the heck...
With girls.
Ew! What's that smell?
And what do we say to girls?
Girls, yuck!
Who needs 'em?
What a great club.
Dennis, it's Margaret.
Come out
I know you're in there.
Come out, or I scream till I turn blue and faint.
Hello, Dennis.
When I heard about your little club,
I knew my invitation must
have been lost in the mail.
This is a no-girls-allowed club.
And we've got to come up with a better name.
Margaret, the whole idea
of having a no-girls-allowed club
is not letting girls in.
Wait a minute. Gina's in the club.
She's Vice President.
But Gina's a girl!
She is?
She don't hit like no girl.
You can't let her in and keep me out.
Why not? Half the fun of having a club
is keeping other people out.
Well, I'm going to start my own club.
Mr. Cuddles and me.
And, Dennis, you're invited.
It's a...
Dessert club. Yeah.
With tons of ice cream, cake...
Oreos, Dennis...
Your favorite.
Don't listen to her, Dennis.
It's a trap!
No, don't.
Double-cream filling.
You don't want her cookies.
Ooh, double-cream filling.
There could be poison in 'em.
So, Dennis, do you wanna come?
Dennis, come see my pet rat Morrie.
She had babies, rat babies.
They're itty-bitty, pink, and ugly.
They got no hair anywhere.
Cool! Come on. Let's go see it.
Betcha I can beat you there.
Let's go. Let's go!
Mr. Cuddles, I've spent too many years
whipping Dennis into shape
to let some homewrecker steal him away.
Get those last batch of cookies.
Henry, I forgot. It's in the kitchen.
Who's got the buns?
Mom, Dad, look!
Grandpa made some of his
frozen pickles on a stick.
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
We're going to the firemen's carnival.
You wanna come?
No. I'm not goin' anywhere.
Dennis, George would hate
being around all that fun.
I'm gonna get the rest of the stuff.
I'll put this in the car.
Martha, something doesn't sound right.
You better let me take a look under the hood.
Don't worry, Mrs. Wilson.
Grandpa knows a lot about cars.
Really? That's good.
Oh, then we're lucky he's here.
Wait a minute! When I was a kid,
I could take an engine apart blindfolded.
What do you think, George?
Gee, this hose looks loose.
Dennis! Cut it off!
Yuck, Mr. Wilson, you're a mess.
George, he was just tryin' to help.
"Just tryin' to help"?
You got a lot to learn.
You gotta get cleaned up
before you come to the fair.
Yeah? Well, I'm not going nowhere.
Grandpa's gonna be the guy in the dunking booth.
You don't wanna miss that.
Hey, everybody, look!
It's my best friend Mr. Wilson.
He used to play baseball
about hundreds of years ago.
Watch, kid. Watch.
Come on, Wilson.
Here we go.
The target is over there.
Oh, come on.
Wilson, water!
I need water!
Come on, Mr. Wilson. You can do it.
Thanks, kid.
Oh! Oh!
Come on, George!
Ha ha ha!
Bursitis. Ouch!
I used to have that back when I was your age.
Used to have it?
Here you go, pops.
Free ball, hardly used.
Knock yourself out.
You be my ball boy.
Watch it there, Gramps.
We don't want you to hurt yourself.
You're gettin' wet.
How'd you do that?
Ha ha ha!
Let's hear some chatter!
Let's hear some chatter!
Chatter? I'll give ya chatter.
Hurry up.
Will you stop that?
It's not a dinner. Throw the ball.
I don't believe it! It's a miracle.
2 hits.
I don't believe it.
You just got...
Aw, that's impossible.
I don't believe that at all.
That's ridiculous.
So long, George.
Uh, yeah.
Hey, mister!
Wait up. I gotta ask you somethin'.
Hey, George!
I'll be right back.
Mr. Montgomery,
please don't overexert yourself.
But, doc, I feel great!
Wow, look what he just did.
If he gets hurt,
it will set his treatment back 6 months.
Treatment? What treatment?
What? Uh...
Never mind.
Well, doc,
what do you think about your prize patient now?
He's a doctor?
Wh-what treatment? Tell me.
What treatment? I gotta know more.
I gotta know more.
I'm sorry. Our treatments are still experimental.
In 5, 10 years maybe,
it'll be available to the General public.
Doc, good old George here,
he can't wait that long.
Yeah. I can't wait that long.
I can't?
I must swear you to secrecy.
If other researchers or the media
discover our results...
believe me, nobody will know.
It's better that way.
We'll keep it to ourselves.
At the university,
we're studying ways to stop the effects of aging.
It works, George. Look at me.
We've had some very promising results.
Amazing results.
I'm living proof!
He's the living proof.
But, George,
we're a poor public university,
so we're asking our patients
to contribute just a small portion
of their treatment costs.
You mean it's expensive?
If it's expensive...
I don't need it.
I'm so sorry, George.
Enjoy your last few months...
I mean, years.
My Dad says when we get older,
we'll like girls.
We'll like 'em?
Yucky old girls?
Whether we want to or not.
Look! There's Jake Miller!
Oh, no! They got Jake!
No cruddy old girl's ever gonna get ahold of me.
Hello, boys.
Ew, Margaret.
Hello, Dennis.
My, what a lovely evening.
Hey, Dennis, look.
How can a girl ever compete with that?
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
You call that dancing?
Hey, Mr. Wilson, come dance with us.
It's loads of fun.
Yeah. Come on, George.
Unless you feel like you're gettin' too old.
Ha ha ha!
[Theme to the good, the bad, and the ugly plays]
[Play that funky music, white boy plays]
Do it now
Yeah, hey
Yeah, man
Everything around me
Got to stop to feelin' so low
Yeah, they were dancin' and singin'
And movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me
Somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music, white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music, white boy
Lay down some boogie
Just play that funky music till you die
Oh! My back!
Ah! Ah!
I'll help ya.
Don't touch me.
I'm gonna fix your back.
Take your hands off...
You made it worse!
Hey, look! Darts!
Hey, mister,
how many tickets do we need?
But I was just tryin' to help.
Aah! That's what Dennis always says.
Look, just give me another shot.
I'll fix ya real good.
You're gettin' a red one.
You ruined me. You ruined me.
What did you do to me?
Okay, if that's the way you want it,
that's the way it's gonna be.
I never liked you.
Hey, guys, look at that big one!
I don't like that guy.
Get it!
Mr. Wilson, stand still.
I'll pull out all them darts for ya.
You two!
You two, you're both menaces. Menaces!
I'm ready to sign up.
I'm ready to sign up.
Fine, George. Okay, calm down.
Thursday, 4 P.M., the wife
goes to the bridge club.
314 Elm. You'll come there?
Promise. Promise?
Don't worry. I'll be there.
You won't be sorry, George.
I do believe our friend George is hooked.
He's hooked, all right.
Looks like we're gonna take
old George to the cleaners.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
The "for sale" sign again?
Martha, maybe we'll get lucky.
Maybe some idiot from out of town will buy it
before he finds out you-know-who lives next door.
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
Hey, George!
We're going jogging.
You wanna come along?
Please, Mr. Wilson? Please?
Thanks for the offer, but no, thanks.
That's too bad.
I thought if you came along,
Dennis would get a chance
to ride in an ambulance.
That would be so cool.
Thanks a lot, Johnson.
We're going to the swimming pool
later if you wanna come.
It'd be a bit safer.
I'll check my schedule.
This is gonna be great,
having you and Grandpa living here.
I just know you guys are
gonna become best friends.
George, why are you so jealous of Mr. Johnson?
He is Dennis' grandfather.
Of course Dennis wants to spend time with him.
Don't be ridiculous!
Martha, when was the last time
we went to a swimming pool?
Our honeymoon.
Doesn't a nice, quiet day at the swimming pool
sound restful?
Why, hello, boys.
Yike! What is it?
Margaret, dog poo-poo brain.
Yup. It's Margaret, all right.
You can't go swimming like that.
Of course I can't.
We redheads are very sensitive to the sun.
Our skin is so delicate.
You come to a swimming pool,
and you can't even go swimming?
Hey, guys, come see my big black spider.
You feed her flies, she rips 'em apart
and feeds 'em to her baby spiders.
Let's go see it!
There are a couple over there.
Mr. Wilson, we need to talk.
Huh? What? What?
I need your advice on how to make Dennis
quit being such a poop head
and pay attention to me.
You want my advice? Run.
Go as far away from him as you can.
Save yourself while there's still time.
George, that isn't nice.
It's for her own good.
She'll thank me when she gets older.
What do you men want from us women?!
Oh, dear, please. Sit down.
Uh, George would be happy to help you.
Won't you, George?
Ever since I was a little girl,
I knew Dennis and I were meant to be together.
Deep down, I know he feels the same way,
but he just doesn't show it.
He's only 7 years old.
He's 7 1/2, almost 8.
And now this Gina girl
comes along and moves in on him.
Well, surely, she's no competition for you.
I don't understand why I can't
make Dennis do anything I want.
I have a very high IQ.
I already read at the level of a fourth grader.
He should be eating out of my hand.
Mr. Wilson, what do I do?
How the Hell should I know?
George, answer her.
Uh, what does Dennis see in this girl?
Bugs. Yucky, crawly things
with way too many legs.
Well, dear, a woman's got to share
her man's interests...
Or at least pretend like she does.
That's how I caught George.
You did?
Thanks, Mr. Wilson.
You've saved our relationship.
Good. So long.
Look! There's my Grandpa!
Do you believe this? Ha ha ha!
That's my Grandpa.
Big deal.
I used to work as a lifeguard in the summers.
I did a 1 1/2 with a twist.
I think I'm gonna show that guy a thing or 2.
You haven't been on a diving board
in 40 years. George!
Hey, mister, hurry up!
Shut up, kid, huh?
Hey, look! There's Mr. Wilson!
Thanks, Dennis.
Swan dive.
Ah. Piece of cake.
Oh, I hope I'm Okay.
That was the best belly-buster ever!
Ohh! Ow! Ow! Aah!
Grandpa was right.
We get to ride in an ambulance after all.
Hey, mister, can I run the siren?
Sure, Dennis.
You don't wanna be late for your bridge club.
Why are you...
don't worry. I'll get it.
I'll get it. Don't worry.
It's probably nobody.
Bye, Martha. Take care.
Bye, Martha. Bye-bye, Martha.
Hold on! I'll be right there!
Doctor, thank God you're here.
George, this is my colleague
from the University of New Delhi.
Dr. Sashi Kasha.
Very pleased to make your acquaintance.
Get inside quick.
I don't want anybody to see ya.
A lot of busybodies and snoops around here.
Bye, Martha.
What's all this stuff for?
Oh, we need it for your examination.
Yes. Just one physical.
See what shape you're in.
Your cellular decay is so advanced.
I'm sorry.
We're very sorry.
You have a will?
You should get all your affairs in order.
You must be able to do something.
You're both doctors.
Well, there is...
The kamazu root.
The kamazu root?
It's our only hope.
The kamazu root. Very rare.
Very rare.
It's reserved for the Chinese heads of state
under pain of death.
Some kind of root.
What does it do?
Boil the root and drink the tea.
Oh, very yummy tea.
3 times a day.
Within a week, you'll start to look younger,
feel younger...
But, doctor, I don't think
our friend George here has that much money.
Yes, yes! Yes, I do! How much is it?
Well, George, let me see.
10,000 ought to cover it.
$10,000 for a root?!
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
You writing a check, huh?
What you buying?
He's buying this rare root.
That cool root thing over there?
What's it do? Tell me.
It makes a person younger.
I'm 7 1/2.
If I took some, I'd be 6 1/2?
What if I took so much, I was a little baby,
and then I took some more? Yikes!
It doesn't work like that.
Oh, hey, guess what I have.
I've got one, too. Ain't it cool-looking?
Mine's bigger than yours.
Where did you get that?
Dead man's creek by the bridge.
There's millions of 'em.
Here. You can have this one, Mr. Wilson.
There's lots more where that came from.
It's a miracle! Ha ha!
Well, I guess
I won't need this check after all.
I'll use this root.
I'm gonna go brew some tea with my root
right now. Bye.
Wanna see what else I found?
Look! It's the biggest one I've ever seen.
Guess that's one way to get rid of poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy.
First, that kid cost us 10 grand
and now this.
If I ever find out who he is...
Dennis Mitchell!
All the pharmacists, all the clerks,
they all know him. They say you're lucky.
You could've gone to the hospital.
Well, it's a good thing
that Wilson's still hooked.
We'll get all his money yet.
Nobody beats the professor.
Especially a 7-year-old!
George, I thought you hated tea.
What is that terrible smell?
A dead rat.
George, what in the world?
It's gardening food. No, no!
It's for planting.
It's planting food. Planting food.
It's for gardening.
Planting food and gardening.
George, are you all right?
I mean, lately, you've been acting strange.
Even more strange than usual.
Everything is fine.
You make me feel so young
You make me feel as though spring has sprung
And every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy
The moment that you speak
I wanna go play hide-and-seek
I wanna go and bounce the moon
Just like a toy balloon
Water! More water!
This is great mud.
Oh. Hi, Margaret.
We're building a dam.
It's such a nice day.
I thought I'd take my collection of bugs
out for a walk.
Did you say bugs?!
Margaret with bugs?
I hope everyone here has all had their shots.
Now...stand back.
Whoa! What is it?
A giant praying mantis.
Betcha it's poisonous.
Does it bite?
Watch out! He's hungry!
My Mom washes dishes
with something that looks like that.
He was about to attack.
I just saved your life.
Next, a mutant roach.
That's amazing!
I've never seen anything like that.
What a roach!
That's no roach. Let me see it.
He has a headache.
And now, gentlemen,
I give you the prize of my collection:
The biggest spider in the world!
He's big...
He's mean...
And he is really mad.
What a great bug.
He's beautiful.
A spider with claws?
The... the claws are for...
Swinging through the trees in the jungle.
Whoa! That's cool!
You know, I have to take them home now.
It's time for their naps.
I'm gonna need a little help to get 'em home.
I'm gonna need a little help to get them home!
[Sighs] Okay, Margaret.
I'll help you take 'em home.
You will?
Thanks, Dennis.
He's a goner.
Oh, no! Dennis is going out with a girl.
A crummy old girl!
Not just any girl... Margaret!
Just like a boy... fall for a girl
just because she's got big bugs.
Yeah. With them great big bugs,
she's gonna make Dennis her sweetie pie.
Those bugs were phony!
I can't believe you fell for 'em.
They were?
Them great bugs... fakes?
That crummy Margaret! She don't fight fair!
Then we gotta stop her!
We gotta save Dennis from
a fate worse than death!
Henry Mitchell!
Henry, all these supplies
from the firemen's carnival,
could you please put them
where Dennis can't get into them?
You mean where Dennis and your father
can't get into 'em.
Uh, could you hand them up to me, honey?
We're in here, Dad!
[Grandpa groaning]
We went for a walk in the woods.
If you're gonna try to keep up with Dennis,
you're gonna kill yourself.
I forgot that being around
Dennis was such hard work.
No wonder George is so grouchy all the time.
That's it. I'm canceling that camp-out
that Dennis had planned for the two of you
in the backyard tonight.
You can't do that. He's got his heart set on it.
I just saw him packing a suitcase upstairs.
Besides, I promised, Alice,
and I won't break a promise.
Oh, boy!
You're gonna eat these vegetables,
ugly alien guy from outer space!
You're gonna eat these carrots!
Ugh! Eat! Ugh!
Eat, eat, eat!
Ugh! Ugh! And broccoli!
Dennis, let the puppets go to sleep.
I got a better idea, Dennis.
Let me go to sleep.
But, Grandpa, what's the fun of having a camp-out
if you sleep through it?
I bet I could stay awake clear through the night.
All I have to do is sit here
and think about keeping...
Both eyes open.
Grandpa, Grandpa, wake up, wake up!
Mr. Johnson!
Beautiful day, huh?
Great to be alive.
Go away.
Oh, something wrong with your back?
Oh. I was gonna ask you to go jogging today.
Too bad.
I guess you thought it'd be
easy living with Dennis, huh?
In the same neighborhood?
Well, it isn't.
Oh, Martha!
That wasn't very nice.
Martha, I never win anything around here anymore.
Let me enjoy just this once.
What has come over you lately, George?
Who's that?
Oh, uh, salesmen.
I'll get rid of 'em. Listen...
Big breakfast:
Waffles, toast, coffee, pancakes, everything.
The works. The works. That's what I want.
All that food?
Yeah. I'll be back in a minute.
I'll be back in a minute.
Doctor! Doctor!
The kamazu root... It works!
It does?!
Of course it does.
Oh, yes! Of course it does.
You should've seen the look on Johnson's face.
I mean, I feel so young...
And he looked like an old man.
Well, that's fine, George.
Listen, we've made a startling new discovery.
A breakthrough.
Oh, is that it?
How does is work?
We'll show it to you. Where can we set it up?
My garage.
Keep it comin'.
Here we go.
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
What is that? Can I help? Huh?
Get away! It's not for kids!
Can I watch? Please?
I won't touch anything. Promise.
Oh, no.
Grandpa's already in a bad mood.
We better get this cleaned up.
What is it?
The culmination of all our research.
The marriage of modern science
and ancient folklore
all working together.
Look here.
Look at this old, dead, tired plant.
Look! Pretty new flower!
Holy cow! Does it work on people?
Of course! Imagine it, George.
You'll feel younger!
You'll look younger!
And not just you.
Mrs. Wilson, too.
Your breakfast is getting cold.
I'll get my checkbook.
I want it.
Professor, that was awesome!
Ah, just an old magician's trick.
My years with the great Sandalini
still come in handy.
Ha ha ha!
Yuck! This stuff's nasty.
It's not working.
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
It's him!
The machine! Keep him away!
Go away! He's not here!
I just need to borrow his car-washing machine.
It's an emergency.
For Pete's sake.
Give the kid what he wants.
Fine! Take it!
Just leave.
Give me that!
That was close.
Now we need lots of soap.
Come on.
Look for a big bottle of pink stuff.
That's not a lot.
I'll be right back, Martha.
How much is this gonna cost me?
For you, George, nothing.
It's free? It's free?
Try it. Use it for a couple of weeks,
then you pay us what you think it's worth.
If it doesn't work for you and your wife,
pay us nothing.
It's a deal.
This thing sure takes a lot of soap.
All we need from you is a small security deposit.
You'll get your deposit back
when we come collect this
very expensive equipment.
Oh, that sounds fair.
Uh, how much deposit do you want?
Well, 10% of its value...
Uh, 15,000 should cover it.
That much?
What's it matter?
We're not going to cash the check, George.
We're just going to hold onto it.
Oh, will I get it back?
Of course!
You have our machine. It's priceless.
Oh, right. I... I was being silly.
Ooh, cool.
Is this the weirdest soap?
It smells sweet.
Yuck, Ruff. Don't eat the soap.
Mmm. Cotton candy.
The car!
Yikes! It's stuck!
Turn it off!
So long, George. Thanks for everything.
No, no. Thank you.
Aaaahhh! Turn it off!
What is going on out here?
All right, already!
Dennis! Dennis!
It's just cotton candy.
Oh, my God!
My wonderful machine!
You destroyed my machine!
I'm ruined!
Give me money...Now!
My insurance will pay for it.
When the police come, we'll make out a report.
The cops!
The cops! We gotta get out of here!
Doctor, wait!
Isn't this that Mitchell house?
That explains it.
Cotton candy 911 call, huh?
What happened?
Dennis, did you get...
Where did you get all... are you...
I was just washing Grandpa's car.
Look at my car!
Dennis, look what you did!
How could you?
George, what in the world is that thing
in the garage?
The youth machine.
It's gone.
I'll never be young again.
Golly, I'm real sorry, Mr. Wilson.
You've ruined my life again.
Dennis, go to your room.
We'll talk about this later.
But, Mom, I was just trying...
No buts.
For years, one catastrophe after another.
I've never complained.
They say he's only a boy.
This child is no child.
He's a... he's a living disaster!
Martha, I know what we'll do.
We're gonna get some matches.
That's what I want you to do, get some matches,
and we're gonna burn the house down
and collect the money from the insurance.
No, wait a minute! Better yet!
We'll get Dennis. We'll give him the matches,
we'll tell him to be careful and then step back.
Hey, wait! I have an idea.
A way to make everybody happy.
Ah, this I gotta hear.
George wants to move away.
Grandpa wants to be nearer to Dennis,
but it gets awfully tight
with all of us under one roof.
So, Grandpa buys George's house.
That's a great idea.
It's just what everybody wants.
W-w-wait... wait a minute.
You... you mean, I'd be living here?
Really, really living here,
full-time, next-door to Dennis
for the...Rest of my life?
Him? Him? Living in my house?
Okay, then. It's a deal!
Oh, no.
Mr. Wilson moving away?
Dennis, no, you can't go over to Mr. Wilson's.
He's very busy, and you're still grounded.
Just stay out of the way,
and don't step one foot over there
till Mr. Wilson moves.
But, suppose Mr. Wilson really needs me,
really, really bad?
Suppose he's in real danger
and nobody else is around?
Suppose he's gonna die
and nobody else is around to help,
and only I could save him?
No. N-o, no!
Stay here.
Don't leave the yard, and that's an order.
Do you hear me?
Do you know what this means?
He's gotta play in his own yard.
That miserable kid is out of commission.
Out of our hair.
On ice.
In the penalty box.
Out of order.
Off duty.
Wilson is all ours.
What if he was going to die?
Hanging on by just one hand?
Okay, one finger!
Okay, Okay.
If Mr. Wilson is in real bad danger,
and if nobody else is around,
and if he hollers for help,
and if he's hanging on by only one finger...
and if you, and only you, can save him,
then you can go to Mr. Wilson's.
But...only then.
Okay. Thanks, Dad.
Hey, Mr. Wilson.
I'm grounded. My Dad says I can't visit anymore,
I just want to apologize for blowing up
your youth machine.
I guess now you have to stay
all old and wrinkled up, huh?
Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I wish I could help you
get younger like you want.
You know, I'm still awful young.
Oh, really?
If I could, I'd take away...
10 years of yours.
Then I'd be old enough to drive.
God help us.
I'm gonna be awful, awful sorry to see you go.
You're my bestest best friend
in the whole world.
You leave Mr. Wilson alone.
Well, I have to go now.
Do you think we're doing the right thing,
moving from our home?
I don't know, Martha.
I love this house as much as you do.
At least 10 times a day after Dennis
does one of those disastrous things,
I...I swore we would move away
and never come back, far away.
And here we are.
We're doing it.
We're actually moving.
I just hope it works for...
For everybody.
Especially for Dennis.
He needs his grandfather.
And let's face it.
His grandfather's a lot more fun to have around.
Well, George, he loves you, too.
He's gonna miss you.
He'll get over it.
A grandfather is...
I'm just a...
A next-door neighbor.
But if Grandpa likes going away,
and Mr. Wilson likes staying home,
how come Grandpa's staying home,
and Mr. Wilson's going away?
Dennis, they're adults.
They know what they're doing.
Good night.
Grownups are so weird.
Hi, it's me again.
I guess you already knew that.
At least you listen to me.
That's your job.
I think Mr. Wilson and Grandpa
are about to make a big, big mistake.
And I'm just a kid.
Nobody pays any attention to me.
I can't even visit Mr. Wilson's house anymore,
for crying out loud.
So if you'd like to give me some help here,
I'd sure appreciate it.
Thanks. Amen.
The end.
I'll get it.
Hello. City termite inspectors.
The city requires an inspection
of all residences prior to sale.
Not interested. Good-bye.
Hold it. You can't sell the house
unless you got a certificate
of termite non-infestation.
It's the law.
It's for your protection.
Yeah, we're the government.
We're here to help you.
How much is this "help" gonna cost me?
200 bucks. Up front.
Ooh. I'll go get my checkbook.
Look at that! Termites!
I don't see no termites.
Invisible mites. They're worse.
You can't see 'em, you can't kill 'em.
You got yourself some big problems.
Electrical services.
You'll have to call plumbing and heating.
Need major work.
Foundation is shot.
You're lucky the place hasn't burned down.
Here's a list.
Well, it's a good thing we're
selling this place to Johnson.
Now it's his problem.
Good day.
No! You can't sell this house
until all these problems are corrected.
All of them?
That's right.
All of them?
Johnson! It's his fault.
This house is unsafe.
You are required by law
to fix all these problems,
or the city will declare this house condemned.
George, do something.
Here's a list
of the city-approved contractors.
If you like, you know,
we could start making the calls for you.
Huh. We have no choice.
Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Kid, this stuff's poison. Stay away.
Far away.
Hey, you're not supposed to be here.
Hey, go play somewhere else, kid.
All these workers.
Not one of them likes kids?
He's going...
Now it's time to hit up George...
For more...
Oh, the wiring's a disaster.
Hey, this roof is completely shot.
Your radon levels are way off the chart.
Ah, this con is the high point of my career.
I'll be up in the attic, Martha.
Today can't get any more rotten.
Why, Dennis, fancy bumping into you here.
I love ballet.
It's helping me develop grace and poise
in my career as a supermodel.
Oh, look. It's tea time.
Gentlemen, we have a crisis.
We gotta rescue Dennis.
Now let's hear some ideas.
Kidnap Margaret's cat.
Offer her a trade.
That cat's a man-eater.
So's Margaret.
Hey! Rodney kip's got some measles.
We can just get him to go play with the Margaret.
I got it. Okay, listen.
Dennis thinks Margaret likes bugs, right?
But she really hates 'em.
So we'll come up with the biggest,
meanest, nastiest monster bug anyone ever saw.
Let's see how she likes that.
How's your tea, Dennis, dear?
When I think of us married,
sometimes you're a rich doctor,
sometimes you're a rich lawyer.
What do you think, Sweetums?
I don't care.
Poor Dennis. She's torturing him.
It's worse than I thought. We have to move fast.
I'm gonna get a closer look.
Red leader one to HQ.
How's it going over there?
It'll be another 2 hours.
We need our secret weapon right now.
We can't do it, Captain. Not enough time.
You have to be ready. It's life or death.
Over and out.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Hey, Margaret...
You being a bug expert and all...
Identify this bug.
Guys, you can't go in there.
Oh, no!
Dad! Mr. Wilson!
Oh, no!
Oh, boy!
Dad said that if Mr. Wilson is in real bad danger
and nobody else is around to help,
and if he hollers for help...
And if he's only hanging on by one finger...
Shucks, he's hanging on by all 5 fingers.
Only one more.
Yes, Mr. Wilson!
I'm coming to save ya!
He's coming.
Mr. Wilson, what are you doing out there?
Catch, Mr. Wilson.
Dennis, let go of my foot.
Dennis! Dennis!
Now's our chance to get out of here.
Don't worry, Mr. Wilson! I got ya!
Somebody get me down!
Nobody beats the professor.
Professor, what about me?
Stop! You didn't finish the repairs yet.
Don't worry, Mr. Wilson, I'll stop them.
Every year at the national police chiefs'
seminar on swindlers,
you are the talk of the show.
You're a legend.
Why, thank you.
Dennis! Dennis!
Dennis, I was so worried.
Are you all right, my sweet?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
Dennis, quick. Girls... yucky or cool?
Why, yucky, of course.
I will not give up.
One day I will be Mrs. Dennis Mitchell. Humph!
George, what have you done?
Rope around the foot.
Flying face first.
Cement bag.
Dennis! Dennis! Dennis!
Dennis is a...
hero, George.
Mr. Wilson, you are a very lucky man.
Dennis here has just captured
the best con men in the business.
Never lost a con until now.
Con men?
Now, Sylvester, were you the Indian doctor
or the Chinese herbalist?
[Indian accent] The Indian, of course.
Hah! I love that.
The youth root.
What kind of an idiot
is gonna fall for that one?
You'd be surprised.
Here are your checks, George.
Let's book 'em, boys.
Aw, but...Do you have to?
Con men.
Well, George, it seems Dennis is a hero.
What do you say to that?
Oh, uh...
Yeah, sure.
You're welcome, Mr. Wilson.
You know, you're a good kid
deep down inside.
Very deep down.
I take back all those things I said about you.
Well, uh, some of the things.
Well, uh, most of the things.
And you're gonna miss him, too.
Aren't you, George?
Yeah, I'll... I'll miss you.
Then don't move.
Neither of you guys want to trade places, do ya?
All I want is my motor home back.
I promised Dennis
I'd take him to the Grand Canyon.
After that, I'm just not cut out
to be around kids all the time.
I don't know how you do it.
You're one in a million, George Wilson.
Mr. Wilson...
You're my bestest friend
in the whole world, ever.
I've known you every single day of my whole life,
for cryin' out loud.
I love Grandpa and all...
But even if he was living here,
I'd still miss you an awful, awful lot.
Please don't move.
Martha, we're not moving.
Well, Dennis...
What do you think of the Grand Canyon?
I can't believe how big it is.
And it's great that we get to camp so close.
Wow. This is so cool.
Very cool.
I bet Mr. Wilson wishes he was here.
I know. I'll get some neat rocks for him.
That's a good idea.
I'm gonna take a little nap.
No. No! Not that rock!
The weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful...
George, don't you wish you'd gone
with Dennis and his grandfather?
Newswoman on TV:
We interrupt this broadcast
to bring you footage from a spectacular rescue
at the Grand Canyon.
I was getting this rock
for my best friend Mr. Wilson.
I hope he likes it.
Hi, Mr. Wilson.
He's a menace!
You make me feel so young
You make me feel as though spring has sprung
And every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy individual
The moment that you speak
I want to go play hide-and-seek
I want to go and bounce the moon
Just like a toy balloon
You and I
Are just like a couple of tots
We're runnin' cross the Meadow
Pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots
You make me feel so young
You make me feel there are songs to be sung
Bells to be rung
And a wonderful fling to be flung
And even when I'm old and gray
I'm gonna feel
the way I do today
'Cause you make me feel so young
You and I
Are just like a couple of tots
We're runnin' cross the Meadow
Pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots
You make me feel so young
You make me feel there are songs to be sung
Bells to be rung
And a wonderful fling to be flung
And even though I'm old and gray
I wanna feel the way I do
'Cause you make me feel so
You make me feel so
You make me feel so young