Devil's Acid (2018) Movie Script
Deflection is good.
Off the post!
Now out of the zone in
the center of the ice.
Look out!
Oo, just missed it.
Dumps it off and
chases on the fly.
Westridge now pouring
in off the bench.
What a hit!
What the hell, man?
What are you doing out of bed?
I can't go to sleep.
Tell me a story.
Tell you a story?
A scary story.
You want me to tell
you a scary story?
Yep.
I'm trying to watch the game.
Please.
Okay, you want a scary story?
I'll tell you a scary story.
He shoots, he scores!
Let's see, ah,
I got one for you.
Once upon a time there
was a guy named Johnny.
You see, the thing you got
to know about Johnny is,
Johnny is an asshole.
What
the fuck is this?
It is your lunch,
seor Johnny.
No, you ignorant wetback.
Is this metal?
S, seor Johnny,
that is a metal spoon.
How many times have I
said that I cannot eat
with metal utensils?
I follow a strict Edo
period macrobiotic diet
which means no metal.
I apologize seor Johnny,
I can bring you a plastic...
Plastic, are
you loca seorita?
Wood, I need wood.
I apologize
seor Johnny.
It's okay.
Now, come here.
It's too late, you've already
tainted it with the metal.
Forget it, I'll get
something later.
No.
Go get the hypoallergenic
cloth, then wipe it up.
S, seor Johnny.
Like two little piglets
wrestling under a blanket.
How many kids do
you have, Lucia.
Seis, seor Johnny.
And that's why
you're not invited.
Those things must just
fall out at this point.
Stop!
Stop!
You freaking taco, what
do you think you're doing?
Ah, s, seor Johnny.
What, what are you saying?
Speak English.
Ah, no hablo
ingles, seor Johnny.
Hablo espaol,
No salt, the salt you idiot.
I said you only pour
salt in the pool
with pink Himalayan sea salt.
Ah, s, seor Johnny, yeah.
Abominable blazario.
Oh my God, no, Himalayan.
Alejandro, Alejandro!
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Will you please
translate Jose for me?
I don't speak
Spanish, Mr. Johnny.
Your name is Alejandro, how
could you not speak Spanish?
Sir, my actual name...
Seor Johnny, you have
to forgive my husband.
He's having mental problems,
you know he did not...
What is that?
The
micro-antibacterial rag.
No, no, those are my boxers.
Give me that.
Aiesha!
Aiesha!
What the fuck, Aiesha?
Seriously, how dumb are you?
Why in the Philippians,
would you but my white boxers
in with my brand new red sheets?
Well, Mr. Johnny, if
you brought me that...
Damn these bloody bitches.
Why is it so hard
to get fucking laid.
You, you can do it.
I ain't sleeping
with you, Mr. Johnny.
You wish.
Now go get this chick and
drop her off where I tell you.
I ain't a taxi service.
Besides, you have one
of them pick her up.
You're whatever Ben
Franklin says you are.
Besides, those fence
fairies clown car
probably smells like
refried beans and tampico.
And if I don't?
Then you're out of a job.
Thank you, Mr. Johnny.
It's been a real
pleasure working for you.
Okay, what do you want?
I want an invite.
It's for hot girls only.
Well, it looks like you're
going to be one hot girl short.
Goodbye, Mr. Johnny.
Okay, fine, wait.
I'll text you the address
when I'm on the road.
Hey, don't short change me
on the weeding and
shit, Alejandro.
Got my eye on you.
Don't make me call immigration.
Why isn't my shit loaded yet?
I'll get right
on it, Mr. Johnny.
Did he just threaten to
call immigration on y'all?
He still thinks
we're fucking Mexicans.
I mean, do we look
Mexican to you?
You know damn well
I ain't no Mexican.
I got to go guys.
I got to run an
errand for Mr. Johnny.
Jennifer, we need to
go get Brittany from the club.
Who the
hell is Brittany.
Hey, you friends of Johnny's?
Get in.
Woo, that's that
I'm talking about!
Party time!
Woo!
Okay, remember now, Johnny
can't know that we're dating.
Luke, we've been
dating for a year
and I still haven't
met your brother.
Yeah, but Johnny's
a big prick,
I don't think you
want to meet him.
Are you sure this
is going to be safe?
Yeah, why would
it not be safe?
What if he
tries to sleep with me?
I don't think he's going to
be trying to sleep with you.
How do you know that?
Cause you're not his type,
he only likes fun girls.
Motherfucker.
He expects us to walk.
Damn it.
You know, it's really cool
that you don't have a radio.
Gave us a chance
to talk, you know.
Really get to know each other
and connect on a
spiritual level.
Hey, should I come with you?
Totally feeling you, man.
We should be quiet, take in
the nature that surrounds us.
I think we have to walk.
Yeah, it's just like you
could feel the ora of people,
you know, it's like it
radiates off of them, you know.
Like Brittany's ora is kind
of like dark, you know.
Yours is like, like I can feel
that you feel me, you know.
It's like that time Johnny
walked into the vape shop.
Ah, like, I knew there
was something different.
Just something about his ora.
Do you hear the bells?
Oh my God.
This is so fucking cool, man.
You two really
make a cute couple.
Oh, we're not a couple.
I'm just a random hot
girl he found on the street.
Street?
Oh my God, no, no you should
really try dancing instead.
It's how Johnny and I meet.
She's not a hooker.
Oh, well either way, dancing
is amazing for the body.
Like seriously, you
should see what it does...
She's not going to
be a stripper either.
I'm a CPA actually.
So, you like to
watch people pee?
I wonder why Aiesha's here?
Oh my God, I am so glad
that they brought Aiesha
I bet she's here
to do the laundry.
I don't think this
place has running water.
Wait, what?
Where's Johnny?
How the hell should I know?
Welcome everybody,
please have a seat.
Hear ye, hear ye, I
officially commence
this years haunted hot girl
and one black bitch challenge.
No, no, no, you see it's
okay, cause he's an asshole.
What are you doing out of bed?
Just getting some water.
What's he doing out of bed?
He couldn't sleep so
I'm telling him a story.
How many beers has he had?
Stolen
and clear to the center,
down the ice.
They're just hanging
on now with 2:36 to go.
Up to the line gathering speed.
That pass does not connect.
His stories are
better when he's drunk.
- Alright.
- Continue.
So, anyway, where was I?
Mm, yeah I got it.
Alright, haunted hot girl...
Girl and one black
bitch challenge.
The rules are simple.
You spin the gun and
wherever it lands
is where you stay for the night.
If you leave,
you're disqualified.
If you give up, you must yell,
"Johnny has the biggest
cock I've ever seen. "
That's it.
You wish, my petite
Nubian house servant.
No, I like to change
the odds up every year
and this one is no exception.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you,
the Devil's Acid.
Oh hell no, I
ain't doing no drugs.
Well then there's the door.
No acid, no competir.
Those are the rules, comprende?
Well, show me the money.
That's what I thought.
Now, one more rule.
Cell phones in the basket.
I have placed battery
operated cameras everywhere.
So, I will know if
you attempt to cheat.
Is that dad's gun?
Yeah, ass wipe, it is.
He left it to me, just like
he left everything else.
Wait a second, how
did you get this place?
Airbnb, now shut up!
It's on the internet.
Now we'll go from a scale of
hotness so Delilah you're up.
What, Johnny?
What?
Oo, the prison chapel.
It's time for you to
find God, Delilah.
Maybe if you're lucky,
I'll help you look for him.
Open wide.
Excuse me.
Hi, I'm so sorry, could you
just move her right along
so we can move onto the
next hottest please.
Okay, so onto
the next hottest.
Let's see.
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
She's new, okay.
She's new.
Well played little brother.
You didn't think I'd
figure it out did you?
What?
You knew I wouldn't plow
her because she's a stuck up,
tight wound bitch with
a stick up her ass.
- Yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
For once little brother.
Why don't you do the honors.
Spin it?
Oh.
Um.
Whoa.
That's the scariest place
in the whole prison.
Boo!
And for you.
Well go.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
And Luke, after you take her.
Be sure to come back right away.
I need you for some
insurance polices.
Yeah, but if the acid is
as strong as you say it is,
how are we going to...
Just shut your pie hole and
get back here mucho fasto.
Now it's your turn my little
trailer park princess.
Oo, that place
has a lot of beds.
So, am I supposed to be
like Goldilocks or something?
No, it's so we can...
You know what, never mind.
Now open wide.
Won't be the last time
I say that tonight.
So, what do I do with my bags.
What the hell?
What did you plan on going?
I told you to pack
like you were camping.
I really thought that
you would have an RV.
You know, not the small
one like my papaw lives in
you know, that sits on blocks
and doesn't go anywhere,
but like, you know,
one like Blake Shelton
might go on tour in.
Yeah.
Nevermind.
You go ahead and have some fun.
Dr. Johnny will check
up on you later.
Wait, I thought that
you went to law school.
And of course I save the
least hottest for last.
Time to drop a little acid.
Now spin and take your hit.
Give me the
fucking bag of money.
Right now and I'll let
your sorry ass live.
They're like suites, okay.
Everything's fine Brittany.
Everything's fine.
At least we have
electricity, that's good.
Oh, patient rooms, oxygen, okay.
My room, okay, no.
Oh, that's nice, clean,
let nothing behind.
Okay.
It's for like a special
meeting room or something.
You dumb bitch.
It ain't loaded.
See.
It's just like your
grandmother's house, you know,
the boogieman isn't real,
it's all in your head.
Oh, Bambi.
I'm so sorry.
Shit, oh shit.
I swear to God I'm
going to stop eating meat.
God, yes, Jesus, right.
If you pray to the Lord you
won't get abducted by ghosts,
it makes sense.
Okay, you hear that ghosts?
You can't get me because
I believe in God.
Jesus died for me.
Okay.
Oh my God, okay.
Oh, okay, everything's fine,
it's not creepy at all.
See, he's just messing
with you Brittany,
that's all it is... Oh my God,
he gave you the
one with the spa.
That sweet boy.
See, he's not all bad, you're
fine Brittany, you're fine.
So, what did
he mean insurance policies?
Oh, he just means like
pranks and stuff like that.
Does he scare us?
Yeah, it's just masks
and props and lights and,
it's kind of like
a haunted house.
Luke.
Luke, hey, you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, that acid's kicking in.
We need to go to our room.
I think this is
the safest place.
Johnny said this is the
scariest place in the prison.
Yeah, but it's
the most secure.
You're not going to try to
scare me or freak me out right?
No, I was actually
thinking we could.
Have you ever made
love on acid on before?
No.
I think we should try to
start this trip out right.
- Fuck Luke.
- Goddammit.
Why the fuck did
you do that Luke?
That wasn't me, I swear.
God, you just
said you help him
with his insurance policies.
Yeah, but I think he
does that to fuck with me
just as much as he
does to fuck with you.
Okay, alright,
you know what Luke?
This is what you're going to do.
You're going to go out there
and you're going to help
your brother scare the shit
out of those other
girls so they lose.
But what if he comes and
scares you when I'm gone?
Then you stay on his ass
til those other girls are gone
and you get him so
fucked up he passes out.
Then what?
Then we come back here, maybe
I'll make a man out of you.
- Um, fuck.
- Go.
It's not bad at all.
You can do this Brittany.
Just like that time you
stayed at that Hilton.
You know, you just never
speak about it again.
That's real, that's real.
That's real, everything's okay.
You know what, it's okay.
Everything's fine, I'm
fine, this is fine.
Okay.
Where's Aiesha
when you need her?
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay, that's good.
Okay.
Not what I signed up for but.
I mean, I really thought they
would have a valet service.
Thank God, fresh sheets.
You think of
everything Brittany.
See, people don't
think you're smart.
I knew I forgot instructions.
Okay, how does Aiesha do it.
It's like,
you know, this is
when you need Aiesha.
All she had to do was just
come with me and do the sheets.
I don't really think
that's too much to ask.
That's not right, we'll
come back to that, okay.
It's fine.
Oh my God, I forgot about you.
Oh my gosh, oh happy day.
I'm going to name you Fredrick.
Where am I going to put you?
Okay.
Convenient.
You're real.
It smells like somebody died,
but you won't, you won't.
Okay Fredrick, you sit there.
Okay, you can be my only
friend tonight Fredrick.
Oh my God, you match!
We didn't even plan it.
Oh my God, it's like
we were meant to be.
Seriously Fredrick, nobody
understands me the way you do.
Do you love it?
I know, thank you.
Thank you so much, I do
think it brings out my eyes.
You are so sweet.
He's not even going
to be mad that
I bought them on
his Planex card.
Okay.
Ah yeah, she was wearing
this black lace outfit
and these tight little jeans
and just started to
shimmy right out of them.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No one wants to see that.
What happened to Aiesha?
Oh yeah, Aiesha, yeah, yeah.
I was getting to that,
I was getting to that.
It's cool, it's cool.
Alright, so check it out.
Johnny was knocked slapped
the fuck out, right
and he's in this naughty dream
with this disgusting shit,
whatever the fuck
Johnny dreams of.
Luke!
Luke!
Luke!
Where are you man, come on!
Luke!
Luke!
Where are you, you pussy?
Johnny, looks like you're in
a bit of a pickle, my friend.
What you need is a
spiritual awakening.
Won't you come over here.
Take this iowaska.
Go bone that hippy chick.
Stop worrying about
that dead girl.
She ain't going anywhere.
Go have some fun.
Thanks, iowaska shaman.
Hey.
Oh my God, you came, I
didn't think you could make it.
How could I ever let you down?
Look what he did,
isn't this amazing?
Ah, Delilah, you always
see the best in people.
I think you need to
look a little closer.
Oh, Delilah, are you
ready to find God yet?
I don't want him to see me.
No, wait.
Hey, flower girl.
Have you found your
lord and savior?
He's right in front of me.
You ever hear of iowaska?
This'll make you
see the universe.
Oh yeah.
Wait.
I have a secret I've
never told you about.
Oh, wait, you're
not a dude are you?
Is that a problem?
Just kidding, silly.
- Someone's here with me.
- Oo.
And she's just like
me only naughtier.
You mean like a naughty twin?
You want me to bring her out?
I'm scared but yeah baby.
Bring that naughty twin out.
She's starts
shaking her ass
and crawling real slow
underneath the table.
All of a sudden.
So, why is she
crawling under the table?
It's for dramatic
effect, moron.
You need another beer.
This is the best ass ever.
So, the basic conceptualization
of the Copenhagen theory
is that all particles exist
of waves of probability.
Yes.
Now, apply that theory
to larger articles.
Oh.
Check.
Come on, cowboy, how about
a little role in the hay?
Don't mind if I
do, little lady.
Don't forget about me.
Do you know, you kind of look
like Jenny's groundskeeper.
I mean, he's kind of cute
but he's a groundskeeper.
I mean, I would never.
I did let him watch me
sunbathe though once.
So, tell me, how much
do professors make, hmm?
Jennifer.
Come here, I want to
show you something.
Johnny?
What's your malfunction
little brother?
Why are you interrupting
something so beautiful?
You told me to come
back and help you
when I was done with Jennifer.
Oh, yeah, right.
How's that going?
It's alright.
Hey, I found everyone
except for Aiesha.
Do you know where she's at?
Oh, yeah, right.
Don't move.
When I come back, I'll
help you find God.
Come on.
Luke, there's something
I got to show you.
But you can't lose your shit.
Can't you just tell me?
I got to show it to you.
And by the way,
clean yourself up.
You look like a Chinese whore.
Johnny?
Johnny.
What the poop dick?
She was just right here.
Who Johnny, what happened?
Aiesha.
I fucking shot her.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm fucking sure,
look at all this blood.
Johnny, maybe she
crawled off somewhere.
Let's go find her.
We have to finish her.
What?
Think about it.
Two white dudes
trespassing in a prison
with a bunch of
acid tripping chicks
and the one that dies
is the black one.
Yeah.
We'll get the chair.
This isn't 1950s
Alabama anymore, Luke.
It's not, fuck.
What do you mean, trespassing?
I broke in here stupid.
I thought you said this
was an Airbnb, Johnny?
Yeah, Luke, got
it through Airbnb.
Either way, we have to find
her and we have to find her now
before someone finds
her in the morning.
Shit.
I don't see the gun.
Johnny, I don't see the
fucking gun either man.
Oh, shit, it's Jennifer.
Don't you even think about it.
You help your brother.
Bro, I'm out, bro.
If I go down, you go down.
Find this walking problem.
Oh yeah, no.
Professor?
Professor?
Professor?
Who the hell are you?
Stranger danger, somebody help!
You know exactly
who I am, Brittany.
No, I have no
idea who you are.
- Really.
- Mm-hmm.
Cause I know you.
I've seen you rummaging
around Johnny's house
looking for a safe when you
thought no one was watching.
How the fuck did you
... Okay, you know what,
I was doing that because
I just needed to...
I know exactly
what you were doing.
Which is why I made damn sure
all of you were here tonight
to atone for your sins.
That's why I made sure Johnny
got those little party favors.
Oh my God, it was you, you're
the devil, it was your acid.
Enjoy the rest of
your night Britt brat.
Or what's left of it.
Aiesha?
Aiesha?
Where are you my
sneaky succubus?
Oh my God, oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God, oh my God.
He didn't see us, he didn't
see us, he didn't see us
and it's fine Brittany,
you're fine, you're
fine, you're fine.
Brittany, what's
wrong with you?
Oh, the devil, the devil,
the devil, he was chasing me.
What?
The devil, the devil,
the one on the acid pack,
he came to me and
he told me that
I'm going to pay for my sins.
Maybe it was the acid.
No, no listen, this
was real, he was real.
Brittany, listen to me.
All you have to do is say,
"Johnny's got the biggest
cock I've ever seen. "
I can make this all go away.
I am not quitting
Johnny, fuck you
and where have you been, huh?
You been out there
screwing Delilah?
Screwing with her baby, you
know I don't like to lose.
You know what, I'm
not quitting, okay.
So, if you need me,
I am going to be standing
right here in this corner
having the greatest
psychedelic experience ever.
Did you know that
the word psychedelic
derives from the Greek word
meaning mind or feeling?
Yep, the professor
taught me that.
Although now I don't
know, I don't know.
I think the devil might
have him under some kind of
mind control or something.
He's my friend.
You haven't seen
Aiesha have you?
What the maid?
No!
But you know what if
I had I would tell you
because you know what, that
bitch would be disqualified
because she's out
of her area right?
What did she spin?
Uh.
Forgot I rigged that.
I need to go check
on Luke's yoga pants.
Okay, it's fine,
you're fine, you're fine.
Oh God, there you are professor.
I was worried.
I can't
wait to wear you skin.
Over here.
Jennifer, Jennifer.
Jennifer, Jennifer.
Jennifer.
How am I supposed to win
if you sit her
cowering like an idiot.
Step outside Jennifer.
I know who you are.
You're not going to fool me.
Wait, who are the
people with the devil?
Seriously, you are like
the worst fucking
story listener ever.
You don't need to know every
little detail as it happens.
Pay attention, it's called
a set up okay, shut up.
Alright, where was I.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The devil.
You want me to lose.
I bet you Johnny paid you to
come here and mess with us.
He's probably the one that put
your face on the acid, right?
You all think this is
Johnny's game but it's not.
This is my game.
Not very smart Jennifer.
This is an abandoned prison.
I don't think anyone
has keys to this cell.
Yeah, but you know what?
That means I can't leave.
Which means we win, huh?
We?
Interesting.
You and Luke are
in this together.
Have a good night Jennifer.
Oh, seor Johnny?
Seor Johnny?
Wake up, seor Johnny
Oh, seor Johnny?
Seor Johnny?
Wake up, seor Johnny.
Lucia?
Seor Johnny, you don't
have time for a nap,
you have to wake up.
You have work to do.
- I do?
- Mm-hmm.
You have to go find
Aiesha and bury her.
You're right.
Oh, seor Johnny,
one more thing.
Here's your fucking
wooden spoon.
Fuck yes, there is a God.
Luke!
Luke!
Wake the fuck up.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Wake up, you pussy.
I need your help.
Johnny, the devil's here.
What the hell are
you talking about?
The devil from
the acid, he's here.
It's the acid, stupid.
Now get up, I found Aiesha.
Oh, great, where is she?
Dead.
Now, I need you to
go get the shovel,
meet me back here,
we have to bury her.
Why do you let your brother
treat you that way, Luke?
Fuck.
Uh, this isn't happening,
you're not real, right?
Touch me, Luke.
- Fuck.
- Touch me.
- Fuck.
- Touch me, Luke.
I'm not touching you.
I'm not touching you.
I'm not touching you.
Fuck, I'm not touching you.
- Do it.
- Fuck!
Johnny, what are you doing man?
What does it look
like I'm doing?
It looks like
you're playing golf.
Where's Aiesha, we don't
have time for this.
Shit, you're right.
I have to go disqualify
those two twats
before I get Rick Ross.
Start digging.
Johnny.
Johnny, we fucked up bad man.
The devil's here and he's
going to fucking kill us.
Will you shut up
about that devil shit.
The devil is not real.
He's a fucking dealer
mark on a fucking acid.
Nothing more.
Now I'm going and try to
screw Delilah one more time,
get her disqualified.
Then I'm going to bang
Brittany, get her disqualified
and then I'm going to bring
Aiesha's body back here
and if that is not taken care
of by the time I get back,
I'm going to triple
dip Jennifer.
So, if you want first
crack at it get that done
or I'm going to go Gulliver's
Travels on your ass.
Alright.
You got something to
say to me littler brother.
No.
That's what I thought.
- Delilah?
- Yeah?
Do you want to feel
the ultimate power?
Whoa, yeah.
To gain something, you
must sacrifice something.
What do I have to sacrifice?
Your innocence.
That's part of who
I am, that's my soul.
Don't you want to
be powerful like me?
Oh Delilah,
your king has returned.
Hey, Johnny.
Come over here and
let Delilah show you
what you've been missing.
Johnny has the
biggest cock I've ever seen.
- You hear that?
- Mm-mm.
They're calling me.
Don't you see, I won?
All I have to do is
disqualify those two chicks
and then I'm going to
come back and take care of
you in more ways than one.
This'll be the easiest year yet.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
It is time for us to
sacrifice your innocence.
No, no.
Three
down, oh what a save!
Cleared but not out.
Another shot blocked.
I think you might want
to lighten this up a bit?
Mask out.
Stolen and clear to the
center down the ice.
There's just hanging
on now with 2:3...
Right, right, um.
Luke.
Oh, Luke, that's right.
Luke was about to get the
fuck out of dodge, right.
He was going to get Jessica
and go get the money
and just get the hell out
of there, fuck this shit.
But he's tripping his balls off.
He's high as a
motherfucking kite, right.
He runs in the dining
room to get the money,
but there's a little
problem once he gets there.
Ah, god dog it, what
the fuck's this, no way.
Oh, no.
I've got plenty of girls left
and you're not going to stop me.
You weighed like an elephant.
Stop eating all that chicken.
Why won't you
make love to me, Johnny?
It's because you're black.
I don't pork black chicks.
We're all pink
on the inside, Johnny.
Are you?
I've never seen one.
I guess I was just
afraid of the truth.
Go on, take a peek.
I'm dead and I won't mind.
Yeah, yeah you are.
Boys!
Now, Mr, Fonzworth, I have
told you a million times
you cannot speak to me that way.
I am a respectable nurse and
you're too disrespectable.
Now, Mr. Hank, you cannot
put that in the back door
for that extra 20.
But I will let you put that
finger someplace really special
for that, but you
have to be gentle.
Babe.
How did you get in there?
Is there a key?
Do you have keys?
I'm going to get you some keys.
I'm going to go get the
keys and I'll be back, okay.
Johnny.
Johnny
What the fuck, man?
I know.
I know what this looks like.
I can explain.
Johnny, this is
unexplainable, man.
Where are the keys,
Jennifer's locked in her cell?
You're right, brother.
I have the keys.
I have the keys to her heart.
Less burning repentance,
purify lonesome candles.
I'm sorry, Aiesha.
We're not meant to be together.
Focus man, where are the keys?
Jennifer's locked in her
cell, I need to get her out.
I am focused, little brother.
You need enlightenment.
The force is with you, Luke.
Hey, Johnny.
Or should I call
you, Mr. Johnny?
Delilah?
Is this your new friend?
Are you cheating?
You know, since you left,
you're technically disqualified.
What the fuzz?
I'm not into that shit.
Funny, your browser
history says otherwise.
Man, look, I don't even
know why I'm talking to you.
This shit isn't real.
Johnny, now the game begins.
The game began a couple
hours ago ass clown.
Alright,
alright, alright.
What you going to do now, Luke?
I have to find keys
and let Jennifer out.
Yeah, man.
That's exactly
what you got to do.
But you going to
need some money.
Maybe we can sell the
dildos and make some money.
Yeah, man,
that's a good idea.
See, you're not as dumb as
people make you out to be.
I'm a good person.
Nice taxidermy.
Thanks, man.
What the fuck?
Why don't you just go away?
You boys want to play a game,
so that's what we're playing.
I'm just here to make sure
everything's on the up and up.
You're just a hallucination.
I'm tripping my balls
off, that's all.
I really don't want
to hurt you, Luke.
You seem nice enough and
I don't think you meant
to cause anybody any harm.
But you're involved with
some really bad people.
Against my better judgment,
I'm trying to let you off,
if you just leave now.
Fine, suit yourself, Luke.
By the way, one of
your charges got loose.
They don't look too happy.
Fuck!
Oh, Delilah, your
king has returned.
Shit!
Stand up
for yourself, Luke.
What?
Go on
man, you can do it?
You heard me, stand
up for yourself.
You can take her, go on.
Yeah, you're right, I can.
Fuck, Delilah!
Shit, I'm sorry.
What the fuck?
Oh, fuck.
That a boy,
Luke, you did it.
I'm proud of you boy.
Now, go and find Jennifer
before Johnny fucks her.
Open B112.
Damnest thing,
they left these laying up
there in the control center.
There are guard uniforms
laying everywhere.
They just walked off
and left the place.
I'm ready, padre.
I think it's time for you
to join the festivities.
Dead man walking.
I'm sorry, Luke.
I'm sorry I used you.
I should've told you
I used to fuck Johnny.
I was just trying to get even
and I was using you to do that.
I was going to take the
money and move to Mexico.
But now they're
giving me the needle.
Did you say you fucked Johnny?
Yeah.
And I'll tell you something.
He really does have the
biggest cock I've ever seen.
You're a pussy, Luke.
You always have been
and you always will be.
Sweetie.
Babe.
I'm going to fucking kill you.
How does my fucking
pussy feel now?
Ewe, gross, so,
Jennifer fucked Johnny?
No, try to keep up okay.
This is Luke's acid trip.
He's fucking tripping
his balls off, alright.
It's not what she's
actually saying.
Oh.
And watch your
fucking language.
Push!
Yeah, come on, it's
the biggest shit
you've ever taken in
your life, come on.
Push!
There, there it is!
Hi, mommy, I think
it's time to breastfeed.
Mommy, I love you.
I brought you a teddy bear.
Johnny has the
biggest cock I've ever seen!
Johnny has the biggest
cock I've ever seen!
Professor!
Anybody?
Fuck!
Mommy.
The door's locked!
I'm coming for you.
Johnny, you're so
big, I swear to God.
Oh my God, no engagement
ring is worth this.
I hate him, I hate him.
Oh my God, I should've
seen this coming.
You know what
would be really cool?
If the twins grabbed
her out of the cabinet,
made out with her and
then sliced her throat.
It's fine, it's
fine, shh, shh.
Why does it smell
like fucking vomit?
Oh my God.
You could have at least
waited til I kissed her.
It's not too late.
Fuck it.
What?
No, that can't,
there's no twins.
The twinS at the
demon baby birth.
It's a split personality.
Don't you get it?
The sacrifice? It
was all in her head?
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
I like the twins idea.
What, no.
No, the demon baby crawled
in the cabinet with her.
Oh Lord, it feels
like I'm dying
You got to help, help me out
I'm falling through the view
It's blurring into you
Am I sorry
I tried my best
for to understand
Tell the burning bush
Ate the fruit in hand
Two by two
Ushered from a promised man
Holy sweet
You swallow me
- Holy sweet
- Johnny?
Johnny?
Will it do it, do
Will it see me through
Oh, lord, it feels
like I'm dying
You got to help, help me out
I'm falling through the view
It's blurring into you
Am I sorry
Fuck!
Oh look, your
brother's asleep.
Well, so, Luke bashes Johnny's
head with a golf club,
everyone lives happily
ever after, the end.
Now go to bed.
What, no, that can't be
the ending, that sucks.
So what if...
Hey bro, we should
probably get out of here.
Delilah's gone crazy.
And I murdered Jennifer.
Something's wrong
with Brittany too.
I'll say something's wrong.
She has no fucking head.
Oh, goddamn.
Poor girl.
Did you do that?
No, I only killed Jennifer.
What?
Because you fucked her.
What?
Man, you seriously
cannot handle your drugs.
Jennifer.
Oo, then the twins show up.
And they all start making out.
Yeah, that's
what I'm talking...
There are no twins.
I really want
there to be twins.
What if the twins kill Johnny?
There's no fucking twins!
Oo, what if Aiesha's
brother shows up?
Oh, son, they
need to calm down.
Things are getting a little
too out of control over here.
Come to avenge your sister?
What?
No.
Just spit-balling here.
Listen to the story.
Okay, wait, where were we.
See the groundskeeper
comes down from the tower.
- Which was fucking stupid.
- Calm down man.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Here's Johnny.
Oh, this is where
the devils sidekicks show up.
Oh, shit, I almost
forgot, you're right, the setup.
- What the unholy hell?
- Oh my God.
I knew
Aiesha was the devil.
Oh, look at you,
fucking genius, now shut up.
What the fuck just happened?
Did you put real
bullets in that?
You think I'm going to walk
around here wearing a mask
scaring a bunch of white
folk without some protection.
Man, that's shame about Dale.
Why'd he have to leave
the guard tower anyway?
This fool would
have been lights out
in another five minutes.
Damn.
Oh, once a hippy,
always a hippy.
That stupid motherfucker.
Well, come on, let's go.
You get the money
from Johnny's safe?
Easy peasy.
- And the code?
- What else?
- 696969.
- Predictable.
Wait, what was the
point of the story?
Isn't it obvious?
Don't be an asshole?
No, don't do drugs.
Go to bed.
Coming me amour.
Hello?
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Did I win?
You want to be the
husband or the wife?
The husband.
Good, now get down and
suck your wife's dick?
Oh, man.
Oh, okay.
Off the post!
Now out of the zone in
the center of the ice.
Look out!
Oo, just missed it.
Dumps it off and
chases on the fly.
Westridge now pouring
in off the bench.
What a hit!
What the hell, man?
What are you doing out of bed?
I can't go to sleep.
Tell me a story.
Tell you a story?
A scary story.
You want me to tell
you a scary story?
Yep.
I'm trying to watch the game.
Please.
Okay, you want a scary story?
I'll tell you a scary story.
He shoots, he scores!
Let's see, ah,
I got one for you.
Once upon a time there
was a guy named Johnny.
You see, the thing you got
to know about Johnny is,
Johnny is an asshole.
What
the fuck is this?
It is your lunch,
seor Johnny.
No, you ignorant wetback.
Is this metal?
S, seor Johnny,
that is a metal spoon.
How many times have I
said that I cannot eat
with metal utensils?
I follow a strict Edo
period macrobiotic diet
which means no metal.
I apologize seor Johnny,
I can bring you a plastic...
Plastic, are
you loca seorita?
Wood, I need wood.
I apologize
seor Johnny.
It's okay.
Now, come here.
It's too late, you've already
tainted it with the metal.
Forget it, I'll get
something later.
No.
Go get the hypoallergenic
cloth, then wipe it up.
S, seor Johnny.
Like two little piglets
wrestling under a blanket.
How many kids do
you have, Lucia.
Seis, seor Johnny.
And that's why
you're not invited.
Those things must just
fall out at this point.
Stop!
Stop!
You freaking taco, what
do you think you're doing?
Ah, s, seor Johnny.
What, what are you saying?
Speak English.
Ah, no hablo
ingles, seor Johnny.
Hablo espaol,
No salt, the salt you idiot.
I said you only pour
salt in the pool
with pink Himalayan sea salt.
Ah, s, seor Johnny, yeah.
Abominable blazario.
Oh my God, no, Himalayan.
Alejandro, Alejandro!
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Will you please
translate Jose for me?
I don't speak
Spanish, Mr. Johnny.
Your name is Alejandro, how
could you not speak Spanish?
Sir, my actual name...
Seor Johnny, you have
to forgive my husband.
He's having mental problems,
you know he did not...
What is that?
The
micro-antibacterial rag.
No, no, those are my boxers.
Give me that.
Aiesha!
Aiesha!
What the fuck, Aiesha?
Seriously, how dumb are you?
Why in the Philippians,
would you but my white boxers
in with my brand new red sheets?
Well, Mr. Johnny, if
you brought me that...
Damn these bloody bitches.
Why is it so hard
to get fucking laid.
You, you can do it.
I ain't sleeping
with you, Mr. Johnny.
You wish.
Now go get this chick and
drop her off where I tell you.
I ain't a taxi service.
Besides, you have one
of them pick her up.
You're whatever Ben
Franklin says you are.
Besides, those fence
fairies clown car
probably smells like
refried beans and tampico.
And if I don't?
Then you're out of a job.
Thank you, Mr. Johnny.
It's been a real
pleasure working for you.
Okay, what do you want?
I want an invite.
It's for hot girls only.
Well, it looks like you're
going to be one hot girl short.
Goodbye, Mr. Johnny.
Okay, fine, wait.
I'll text you the address
when I'm on the road.
Hey, don't short change me
on the weeding and
shit, Alejandro.
Got my eye on you.
Don't make me call immigration.
Why isn't my shit loaded yet?
I'll get right
on it, Mr. Johnny.
Did he just threaten to
call immigration on y'all?
He still thinks
we're fucking Mexicans.
I mean, do we look
Mexican to you?
You know damn well
I ain't no Mexican.
I got to go guys.
I got to run an
errand for Mr. Johnny.
Jennifer, we need to
go get Brittany from the club.
Who the
hell is Brittany.
Hey, you friends of Johnny's?
Get in.
Woo, that's that
I'm talking about!
Party time!
Woo!
Okay, remember now, Johnny
can't know that we're dating.
Luke, we've been
dating for a year
and I still haven't
met your brother.
Yeah, but Johnny's
a big prick,
I don't think you
want to meet him.
Are you sure this
is going to be safe?
Yeah, why would
it not be safe?
What if he
tries to sleep with me?
I don't think he's going to
be trying to sleep with you.
How do you know that?
Cause you're not his type,
he only likes fun girls.
Motherfucker.
He expects us to walk.
Damn it.
You know, it's really cool
that you don't have a radio.
Gave us a chance
to talk, you know.
Really get to know each other
and connect on a
spiritual level.
Hey, should I come with you?
Totally feeling you, man.
We should be quiet, take in
the nature that surrounds us.
I think we have to walk.
Yeah, it's just like you
could feel the ora of people,
you know, it's like it
radiates off of them, you know.
Like Brittany's ora is kind
of like dark, you know.
Yours is like, like I can feel
that you feel me, you know.
It's like that time Johnny
walked into the vape shop.
Ah, like, I knew there
was something different.
Just something about his ora.
Do you hear the bells?
Oh my God.
This is so fucking cool, man.
You two really
make a cute couple.
Oh, we're not a couple.
I'm just a random hot
girl he found on the street.
Street?
Oh my God, no, no you should
really try dancing instead.
It's how Johnny and I meet.
She's not a hooker.
Oh, well either way, dancing
is amazing for the body.
Like seriously, you
should see what it does...
She's not going to
be a stripper either.
I'm a CPA actually.
So, you like to
watch people pee?
I wonder why Aiesha's here?
Oh my God, I am so glad
that they brought Aiesha
I bet she's here
to do the laundry.
I don't think this
place has running water.
Wait, what?
Where's Johnny?
How the hell should I know?
Welcome everybody,
please have a seat.
Hear ye, hear ye, I
officially commence
this years haunted hot girl
and one black bitch challenge.
No, no, no, you see it's
okay, cause he's an asshole.
What are you doing out of bed?
Just getting some water.
What's he doing out of bed?
He couldn't sleep so
I'm telling him a story.
How many beers has he had?
Stolen
and clear to the center,
down the ice.
They're just hanging
on now with 2:36 to go.
Up to the line gathering speed.
That pass does not connect.
His stories are
better when he's drunk.
- Alright.
- Continue.
So, anyway, where was I?
Mm, yeah I got it.
Alright, haunted hot girl...
Girl and one black
bitch challenge.
The rules are simple.
You spin the gun and
wherever it lands
is where you stay for the night.
If you leave,
you're disqualified.
If you give up, you must yell,
"Johnny has the biggest
cock I've ever seen. "
That's it.
You wish, my petite
Nubian house servant.
No, I like to change
the odds up every year
and this one is no exception.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you,
the Devil's Acid.
Oh hell no, I
ain't doing no drugs.
Well then there's the door.
No acid, no competir.
Those are the rules, comprende?
Well, show me the money.
That's what I thought.
Now, one more rule.
Cell phones in the basket.
I have placed battery
operated cameras everywhere.
So, I will know if
you attempt to cheat.
Is that dad's gun?
Yeah, ass wipe, it is.
He left it to me, just like
he left everything else.
Wait a second, how
did you get this place?
Airbnb, now shut up!
It's on the internet.
Now we'll go from a scale of
hotness so Delilah you're up.
What, Johnny?
What?
Oo, the prison chapel.
It's time for you to
find God, Delilah.
Maybe if you're lucky,
I'll help you look for him.
Open wide.
Excuse me.
Hi, I'm so sorry, could you
just move her right along
so we can move onto the
next hottest please.
Okay, so onto
the next hottest.
Let's see.
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
She's new, okay.
She's new.
Well played little brother.
You didn't think I'd
figure it out did you?
What?
You knew I wouldn't plow
her because she's a stuck up,
tight wound bitch with
a stick up her ass.
- Yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
For once little brother.
Why don't you do the honors.
Spin it?
Oh.
Um.
Whoa.
That's the scariest place
in the whole prison.
Boo!
And for you.
Well go.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
And Luke, after you take her.
Be sure to come back right away.
I need you for some
insurance polices.
Yeah, but if the acid is
as strong as you say it is,
how are we going to...
Just shut your pie hole and
get back here mucho fasto.
Now it's your turn my little
trailer park princess.
Oo, that place
has a lot of beds.
So, am I supposed to be
like Goldilocks or something?
No, it's so we can...
You know what, never mind.
Now open wide.
Won't be the last time
I say that tonight.
So, what do I do with my bags.
What the hell?
What did you plan on going?
I told you to pack
like you were camping.
I really thought that
you would have an RV.
You know, not the small
one like my papaw lives in
you know, that sits on blocks
and doesn't go anywhere,
but like, you know,
one like Blake Shelton
might go on tour in.
Yeah.
Nevermind.
You go ahead and have some fun.
Dr. Johnny will check
up on you later.
Wait, I thought that
you went to law school.
And of course I save the
least hottest for last.
Time to drop a little acid.
Now spin and take your hit.
Give me the
fucking bag of money.
Right now and I'll let
your sorry ass live.
They're like suites, okay.
Everything's fine Brittany.
Everything's fine.
At least we have
electricity, that's good.
Oh, patient rooms, oxygen, okay.
My room, okay, no.
Oh, that's nice, clean,
let nothing behind.
Okay.
It's for like a special
meeting room or something.
You dumb bitch.
It ain't loaded.
See.
It's just like your
grandmother's house, you know,
the boogieman isn't real,
it's all in your head.
Oh, Bambi.
I'm so sorry.
Shit, oh shit.
I swear to God I'm
going to stop eating meat.
God, yes, Jesus, right.
If you pray to the Lord you
won't get abducted by ghosts,
it makes sense.
Okay, you hear that ghosts?
You can't get me because
I believe in God.
Jesus died for me.
Okay.
Oh my God, okay.
Oh, okay, everything's fine,
it's not creepy at all.
See, he's just messing
with you Brittany,
that's all it is... Oh my God,
he gave you the
one with the spa.
That sweet boy.
See, he's not all bad, you're
fine Brittany, you're fine.
So, what did
he mean insurance policies?
Oh, he just means like
pranks and stuff like that.
Does he scare us?
Yeah, it's just masks
and props and lights and,
it's kind of like
a haunted house.
Luke.
Luke, hey, you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, that acid's kicking in.
We need to go to our room.
I think this is
the safest place.
Johnny said this is the
scariest place in the prison.
Yeah, but it's
the most secure.
You're not going to try to
scare me or freak me out right?
No, I was actually
thinking we could.
Have you ever made
love on acid on before?
No.
I think we should try to
start this trip out right.
- Fuck Luke.
- Goddammit.
Why the fuck did
you do that Luke?
That wasn't me, I swear.
God, you just
said you help him
with his insurance policies.
Yeah, but I think he
does that to fuck with me
just as much as he
does to fuck with you.
Okay, alright,
you know what Luke?
This is what you're going to do.
You're going to go out there
and you're going to help
your brother scare the shit
out of those other
girls so they lose.
But what if he comes and
scares you when I'm gone?
Then you stay on his ass
til those other girls are gone
and you get him so
fucked up he passes out.
Then what?
Then we come back here, maybe
I'll make a man out of you.
- Um, fuck.
- Go.
It's not bad at all.
You can do this Brittany.
Just like that time you
stayed at that Hilton.
You know, you just never
speak about it again.
That's real, that's real.
That's real, everything's okay.
You know what, it's okay.
Everything's fine, I'm
fine, this is fine.
Okay.
Where's Aiesha
when you need her?
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay, that's good.
Okay.
Not what I signed up for but.
I mean, I really thought they
would have a valet service.
Thank God, fresh sheets.
You think of
everything Brittany.
See, people don't
think you're smart.
I knew I forgot instructions.
Okay, how does Aiesha do it.
It's like,
you know, this is
when you need Aiesha.
All she had to do was just
come with me and do the sheets.
I don't really think
that's too much to ask.
That's not right, we'll
come back to that, okay.
It's fine.
Oh my God, I forgot about you.
Oh my gosh, oh happy day.
I'm going to name you Fredrick.
Where am I going to put you?
Okay.
Convenient.
You're real.
It smells like somebody died,
but you won't, you won't.
Okay Fredrick, you sit there.
Okay, you can be my only
friend tonight Fredrick.
Oh my God, you match!
We didn't even plan it.
Oh my God, it's like
we were meant to be.
Seriously Fredrick, nobody
understands me the way you do.
Do you love it?
I know, thank you.
Thank you so much, I do
think it brings out my eyes.
You are so sweet.
He's not even going
to be mad that
I bought them on
his Planex card.
Okay.
Ah yeah, she was wearing
this black lace outfit
and these tight little jeans
and just started to
shimmy right out of them.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No one wants to see that.
What happened to Aiesha?
Oh yeah, Aiesha, yeah, yeah.
I was getting to that,
I was getting to that.
It's cool, it's cool.
Alright, so check it out.
Johnny was knocked slapped
the fuck out, right
and he's in this naughty dream
with this disgusting shit,
whatever the fuck
Johnny dreams of.
Luke!
Luke!
Luke!
Where are you man, come on!
Luke!
Luke!
Where are you, you pussy?
Johnny, looks like you're in
a bit of a pickle, my friend.
What you need is a
spiritual awakening.
Won't you come over here.
Take this iowaska.
Go bone that hippy chick.
Stop worrying about
that dead girl.
She ain't going anywhere.
Go have some fun.
Thanks, iowaska shaman.
Hey.
Oh my God, you came, I
didn't think you could make it.
How could I ever let you down?
Look what he did,
isn't this amazing?
Ah, Delilah, you always
see the best in people.
I think you need to
look a little closer.
Oh, Delilah, are you
ready to find God yet?
I don't want him to see me.
No, wait.
Hey, flower girl.
Have you found your
lord and savior?
He's right in front of me.
You ever hear of iowaska?
This'll make you
see the universe.
Oh yeah.
Wait.
I have a secret I've
never told you about.
Oh, wait, you're
not a dude are you?
Is that a problem?
Just kidding, silly.
- Someone's here with me.
- Oo.
And she's just like
me only naughtier.
You mean like a naughty twin?
You want me to bring her out?
I'm scared but yeah baby.
Bring that naughty twin out.
She's starts
shaking her ass
and crawling real slow
underneath the table.
All of a sudden.
So, why is she
crawling under the table?
It's for dramatic
effect, moron.
You need another beer.
This is the best ass ever.
So, the basic conceptualization
of the Copenhagen theory
is that all particles exist
of waves of probability.
Yes.
Now, apply that theory
to larger articles.
Oh.
Check.
Come on, cowboy, how about
a little role in the hay?
Don't mind if I
do, little lady.
Don't forget about me.
Do you know, you kind of look
like Jenny's groundskeeper.
I mean, he's kind of cute
but he's a groundskeeper.
I mean, I would never.
I did let him watch me
sunbathe though once.
So, tell me, how much
do professors make, hmm?
Jennifer.
Come here, I want to
show you something.
Johnny?
What's your malfunction
little brother?
Why are you interrupting
something so beautiful?
You told me to come
back and help you
when I was done with Jennifer.
Oh, yeah, right.
How's that going?
It's alright.
Hey, I found everyone
except for Aiesha.
Do you know where she's at?
Oh, yeah, right.
Don't move.
When I come back, I'll
help you find God.
Come on.
Luke, there's something
I got to show you.
But you can't lose your shit.
Can't you just tell me?
I got to show it to you.
And by the way,
clean yourself up.
You look like a Chinese whore.
Johnny?
Johnny.
What the poop dick?
She was just right here.
Who Johnny, what happened?
Aiesha.
I fucking shot her.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm fucking sure,
look at all this blood.
Johnny, maybe she
crawled off somewhere.
Let's go find her.
We have to finish her.
What?
Think about it.
Two white dudes
trespassing in a prison
with a bunch of
acid tripping chicks
and the one that dies
is the black one.
Yeah.
We'll get the chair.
This isn't 1950s
Alabama anymore, Luke.
It's not, fuck.
What do you mean, trespassing?
I broke in here stupid.
I thought you said this
was an Airbnb, Johnny?
Yeah, Luke, got
it through Airbnb.
Either way, we have to find
her and we have to find her now
before someone finds
her in the morning.
Shit.
I don't see the gun.
Johnny, I don't see the
fucking gun either man.
Oh, shit, it's Jennifer.
Don't you even think about it.
You help your brother.
Bro, I'm out, bro.
If I go down, you go down.
Find this walking problem.
Oh yeah, no.
Professor?
Professor?
Professor?
Who the hell are you?
Stranger danger, somebody help!
You know exactly
who I am, Brittany.
No, I have no
idea who you are.
- Really.
- Mm-hmm.
Cause I know you.
I've seen you rummaging
around Johnny's house
looking for a safe when you
thought no one was watching.
How the fuck did you
... Okay, you know what,
I was doing that because
I just needed to...
I know exactly
what you were doing.
Which is why I made damn sure
all of you were here tonight
to atone for your sins.
That's why I made sure Johnny
got those little party favors.
Oh my God, it was you, you're
the devil, it was your acid.
Enjoy the rest of
your night Britt brat.
Or what's left of it.
Aiesha?
Aiesha?
Where are you my
sneaky succubus?
Oh my God, oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God, oh my God.
He didn't see us, he didn't
see us, he didn't see us
and it's fine Brittany,
you're fine, you're
fine, you're fine.
Brittany, what's
wrong with you?
Oh, the devil, the devil,
the devil, he was chasing me.
What?
The devil, the devil,
the one on the acid pack,
he came to me and
he told me that
I'm going to pay for my sins.
Maybe it was the acid.
No, no listen, this
was real, he was real.
Brittany, listen to me.
All you have to do is say,
"Johnny's got the biggest
cock I've ever seen. "
I can make this all go away.
I am not quitting
Johnny, fuck you
and where have you been, huh?
You been out there
screwing Delilah?
Screwing with her baby, you
know I don't like to lose.
You know what, I'm
not quitting, okay.
So, if you need me,
I am going to be standing
right here in this corner
having the greatest
psychedelic experience ever.
Did you know that
the word psychedelic
derives from the Greek word
meaning mind or feeling?
Yep, the professor
taught me that.
Although now I don't
know, I don't know.
I think the devil might
have him under some kind of
mind control or something.
He's my friend.
You haven't seen
Aiesha have you?
What the maid?
No!
But you know what if
I had I would tell you
because you know what, that
bitch would be disqualified
because she's out
of her area right?
What did she spin?
Uh.
Forgot I rigged that.
I need to go check
on Luke's yoga pants.
Okay, it's fine,
you're fine, you're fine.
Oh God, there you are professor.
I was worried.
I can't
wait to wear you skin.
Over here.
Jennifer, Jennifer.
Jennifer, Jennifer.
Jennifer.
How am I supposed to win
if you sit her
cowering like an idiot.
Step outside Jennifer.
I know who you are.
You're not going to fool me.
Wait, who are the
people with the devil?
Seriously, you are like
the worst fucking
story listener ever.
You don't need to know every
little detail as it happens.
Pay attention, it's called
a set up okay, shut up.
Alright, where was I.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The devil.
You want me to lose.
I bet you Johnny paid you to
come here and mess with us.
He's probably the one that put
your face on the acid, right?
You all think this is
Johnny's game but it's not.
This is my game.
Not very smart Jennifer.
This is an abandoned prison.
I don't think anyone
has keys to this cell.
Yeah, but you know what?
That means I can't leave.
Which means we win, huh?
We?
Interesting.
You and Luke are
in this together.
Have a good night Jennifer.
Oh, seor Johnny?
Seor Johnny?
Wake up, seor Johnny
Oh, seor Johnny?
Seor Johnny?
Wake up, seor Johnny.
Lucia?
Seor Johnny, you don't
have time for a nap,
you have to wake up.
You have work to do.
- I do?
- Mm-hmm.
You have to go find
Aiesha and bury her.
You're right.
Oh, seor Johnny,
one more thing.
Here's your fucking
wooden spoon.
Fuck yes, there is a God.
Luke!
Luke!
Wake the fuck up.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Wake up, you pussy.
I need your help.
Johnny, the devil's here.
What the hell are
you talking about?
The devil from
the acid, he's here.
It's the acid, stupid.
Now get up, I found Aiesha.
Oh, great, where is she?
Dead.
Now, I need you to
go get the shovel,
meet me back here,
we have to bury her.
Why do you let your brother
treat you that way, Luke?
Fuck.
Uh, this isn't happening,
you're not real, right?
Touch me, Luke.
- Fuck.
- Touch me.
- Fuck.
- Touch me, Luke.
I'm not touching you.
I'm not touching you.
I'm not touching you.
Fuck, I'm not touching you.
- Do it.
- Fuck!
Johnny, what are you doing man?
What does it look
like I'm doing?
It looks like
you're playing golf.
Where's Aiesha, we don't
have time for this.
Shit, you're right.
I have to go disqualify
those two twats
before I get Rick Ross.
Start digging.
Johnny.
Johnny, we fucked up bad man.
The devil's here and he's
going to fucking kill us.
Will you shut up
about that devil shit.
The devil is not real.
He's a fucking dealer
mark on a fucking acid.
Nothing more.
Now I'm going and try to
screw Delilah one more time,
get her disqualified.
Then I'm going to bang
Brittany, get her disqualified
and then I'm going to bring
Aiesha's body back here
and if that is not taken care
of by the time I get back,
I'm going to triple
dip Jennifer.
So, if you want first
crack at it get that done
or I'm going to go Gulliver's
Travels on your ass.
Alright.
You got something to
say to me littler brother.
No.
That's what I thought.
- Delilah?
- Yeah?
Do you want to feel
the ultimate power?
Whoa, yeah.
To gain something, you
must sacrifice something.
What do I have to sacrifice?
Your innocence.
That's part of who
I am, that's my soul.
Don't you want to
be powerful like me?
Oh Delilah,
your king has returned.
Hey, Johnny.
Come over here and
let Delilah show you
what you've been missing.
Johnny has the
biggest cock I've ever seen.
- You hear that?
- Mm-mm.
They're calling me.
Don't you see, I won?
All I have to do is
disqualify those two chicks
and then I'm going to
come back and take care of
you in more ways than one.
This'll be the easiest year yet.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
Praise be the devil's acid.
It is time for us to
sacrifice your innocence.
No, no.
Three
down, oh what a save!
Cleared but not out.
Another shot blocked.
I think you might want
to lighten this up a bit?
Mask out.
Stolen and clear to the
center down the ice.
There's just hanging
on now with 2:3...
Right, right, um.
Luke.
Oh, Luke, that's right.
Luke was about to get the
fuck out of dodge, right.
He was going to get Jessica
and go get the money
and just get the hell out
of there, fuck this shit.
But he's tripping his balls off.
He's high as a
motherfucking kite, right.
He runs in the dining
room to get the money,
but there's a little
problem once he gets there.
Ah, god dog it, what
the fuck's this, no way.
Oh, no.
I've got plenty of girls left
and you're not going to stop me.
You weighed like an elephant.
Stop eating all that chicken.
Why won't you
make love to me, Johnny?
It's because you're black.
I don't pork black chicks.
We're all pink
on the inside, Johnny.
Are you?
I've never seen one.
I guess I was just
afraid of the truth.
Go on, take a peek.
I'm dead and I won't mind.
Yeah, yeah you are.
Boys!
Now, Mr, Fonzworth, I have
told you a million times
you cannot speak to me that way.
I am a respectable nurse and
you're too disrespectable.
Now, Mr. Hank, you cannot
put that in the back door
for that extra 20.
But I will let you put that
finger someplace really special
for that, but you
have to be gentle.
Babe.
How did you get in there?
Is there a key?
Do you have keys?
I'm going to get you some keys.
I'm going to go get the
keys and I'll be back, okay.
Johnny.
Johnny
What the fuck, man?
I know.
I know what this looks like.
I can explain.
Johnny, this is
unexplainable, man.
Where are the keys,
Jennifer's locked in her cell?
You're right, brother.
I have the keys.
I have the keys to her heart.
Less burning repentance,
purify lonesome candles.
I'm sorry, Aiesha.
We're not meant to be together.
Focus man, where are the keys?
Jennifer's locked in her
cell, I need to get her out.
I am focused, little brother.
You need enlightenment.
The force is with you, Luke.
Hey, Johnny.
Or should I call
you, Mr. Johnny?
Delilah?
Is this your new friend?
Are you cheating?
You know, since you left,
you're technically disqualified.
What the fuzz?
I'm not into that shit.
Funny, your browser
history says otherwise.
Man, look, I don't even
know why I'm talking to you.
This shit isn't real.
Johnny, now the game begins.
The game began a couple
hours ago ass clown.
Alright,
alright, alright.
What you going to do now, Luke?
I have to find keys
and let Jennifer out.
Yeah, man.
That's exactly
what you got to do.
But you going to
need some money.
Maybe we can sell the
dildos and make some money.
Yeah, man,
that's a good idea.
See, you're not as dumb as
people make you out to be.
I'm a good person.
Nice taxidermy.
Thanks, man.
What the fuck?
Why don't you just go away?
You boys want to play a game,
so that's what we're playing.
I'm just here to make sure
everything's on the up and up.
You're just a hallucination.
I'm tripping my balls
off, that's all.
I really don't want
to hurt you, Luke.
You seem nice enough and
I don't think you meant
to cause anybody any harm.
But you're involved with
some really bad people.
Against my better judgment,
I'm trying to let you off,
if you just leave now.
Fine, suit yourself, Luke.
By the way, one of
your charges got loose.
They don't look too happy.
Fuck!
Oh, Delilah, your
king has returned.
Shit!
Stand up
for yourself, Luke.
What?
Go on
man, you can do it?
You heard me, stand
up for yourself.
You can take her, go on.
Yeah, you're right, I can.
Fuck, Delilah!
Shit, I'm sorry.
What the fuck?
Oh, fuck.
That a boy,
Luke, you did it.
I'm proud of you boy.
Now, go and find Jennifer
before Johnny fucks her.
Open B112.
Damnest thing,
they left these laying up
there in the control center.
There are guard uniforms
laying everywhere.
They just walked off
and left the place.
I'm ready, padre.
I think it's time for you
to join the festivities.
Dead man walking.
I'm sorry, Luke.
I'm sorry I used you.
I should've told you
I used to fuck Johnny.
I was just trying to get even
and I was using you to do that.
I was going to take the
money and move to Mexico.
But now they're
giving me the needle.
Did you say you fucked Johnny?
Yeah.
And I'll tell you something.
He really does have the
biggest cock I've ever seen.
You're a pussy, Luke.
You always have been
and you always will be.
Sweetie.
Babe.
I'm going to fucking kill you.
How does my fucking
pussy feel now?
Ewe, gross, so,
Jennifer fucked Johnny?
No, try to keep up okay.
This is Luke's acid trip.
He's fucking tripping
his balls off, alright.
It's not what she's
actually saying.
Oh.
And watch your
fucking language.
Push!
Yeah, come on, it's
the biggest shit
you've ever taken in
your life, come on.
Push!
There, there it is!
Hi, mommy, I think
it's time to breastfeed.
Mommy, I love you.
I brought you a teddy bear.
Johnny has the
biggest cock I've ever seen!
Johnny has the biggest
cock I've ever seen!
Professor!
Anybody?
Fuck!
Mommy.
The door's locked!
I'm coming for you.
Johnny, you're so
big, I swear to God.
Oh my God, no engagement
ring is worth this.
I hate him, I hate him.
Oh my God, I should've
seen this coming.
You know what
would be really cool?
If the twins grabbed
her out of the cabinet,
made out with her and
then sliced her throat.
It's fine, it's
fine, shh, shh.
Why does it smell
like fucking vomit?
Oh my God.
You could have at least
waited til I kissed her.
It's not too late.
Fuck it.
What?
No, that can't,
there's no twins.
The twinS at the
demon baby birth.
It's a split personality.
Don't you get it?
The sacrifice? It
was all in her head?
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
I like the twins idea.
What, no.
No, the demon baby crawled
in the cabinet with her.
Oh Lord, it feels
like I'm dying
You got to help, help me out
I'm falling through the view
It's blurring into you
Am I sorry
I tried my best
for to understand
Tell the burning bush
Ate the fruit in hand
Two by two
Ushered from a promised man
Holy sweet
You swallow me
- Holy sweet
- Johnny?
Johnny?
Will it do it, do
Will it see me through
Oh, lord, it feels
like I'm dying
You got to help, help me out
I'm falling through the view
It's blurring into you
Am I sorry
Fuck!
Oh look, your
brother's asleep.
Well, so, Luke bashes Johnny's
head with a golf club,
everyone lives happily
ever after, the end.
Now go to bed.
What, no, that can't be
the ending, that sucks.
So what if...
Hey bro, we should
probably get out of here.
Delilah's gone crazy.
And I murdered Jennifer.
Something's wrong
with Brittany too.
I'll say something's wrong.
She has no fucking head.
Oh, goddamn.
Poor girl.
Did you do that?
No, I only killed Jennifer.
What?
Because you fucked her.
What?
Man, you seriously
cannot handle your drugs.
Jennifer.
Oo, then the twins show up.
And they all start making out.
Yeah, that's
what I'm talking...
There are no twins.
I really want
there to be twins.
What if the twins kill Johnny?
There's no fucking twins!
Oo, what if Aiesha's
brother shows up?
Oh, son, they
need to calm down.
Things are getting a little
too out of control over here.
Come to avenge your sister?
What?
No.
Just spit-balling here.
Listen to the story.
Okay, wait, where were we.
See the groundskeeper
comes down from the tower.
- Which was fucking stupid.
- Calm down man.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Here's Johnny.
Oh, this is where
the devils sidekicks show up.
Oh, shit, I almost
forgot, you're right, the setup.
- What the unholy hell?
- Oh my God.
I knew
Aiesha was the devil.
Oh, look at you,
fucking genius, now shut up.
What the fuck just happened?
Did you put real
bullets in that?
You think I'm going to walk
around here wearing a mask
scaring a bunch of white
folk without some protection.
Man, that's shame about Dale.
Why'd he have to leave
the guard tower anyway?
This fool would
have been lights out
in another five minutes.
Damn.
Oh, once a hippy,
always a hippy.
That stupid motherfucker.
Well, come on, let's go.
You get the money
from Johnny's safe?
Easy peasy.
- And the code?
- What else?
- 696969.
- Predictable.
Wait, what was the
point of the story?
Isn't it obvious?
Don't be an asshole?
No, don't do drugs.
Go to bed.
Coming me amour.
Hello?
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Did I win?
You want to be the
husband or the wife?
The husband.
Good, now get down and
suck your wife's dick?
Oh, man.
Oh, okay.