Diary of a Wimpy Kid Christmas: Cabin Fever (2023) Movie Script

[bells jingling]
[Greg] The holidays
are supposed to be special,
because you get to spend time
with the people you love.
- But if you ask me...
- [laughs]
...my family spends too much time
together as it is.
- Manny!
- Ooh.
[Greg] If you wanna hear the truth,
the real meaning of the season
isn't about togetherness
or any of that other corny stuff.
For me, Christmas is all about the gifts.
And if you're a kid,
your only goal is to maximize the amount
of presents you get on the big day.
[fireworks exploding]
The problem is,
if you want a lot of gifts,
you have to be good during
the whole month leading up to Christmas.
And it's hard to be on your best behavior
at this time of year...
- [humming]
- ...because there are so many ways
- a kid can mess up.
- [groans]
- Mom!
- [gasps]
I mean, like, so many.
Not exactly naughty, but definitely gross!
Here's the thing.
I'm getting worried that my window
for getting quality presents on Christmas
might be starting to close,
'cause I've noticed that the older
you get, the worse your gifts are.
[groans] Underwear?
So, if this is really my last chance
to get something I want,
I'm gonna make sure I'm good,
so I can go out with a bang.
Boom! [cackles]
Whoo! Ha! I am the lord of lights!
Ooh! [chuckles, licks]
- [grunting]
- [gasps, laughing]
- What should we name him?
- Icy Osbourne. [laughs]
Oh, snap!
[children laughing]
You best behave this year
'Cause Santa never sleeps
[Manny humming]
And if he spies you acting bad
[both] Then you're in trouble deep
- Yay!
- [Susan] So don't step out of line
No matter what you do
'Cause Santa's eyes are always open
And they're both on you
- Boop! [humming]
- [groans] Mom.
To see if old St. Nick will care
[Susan humming]
Can we please watch something more modern?
This show is, like, a hundred years old.
Oh, Rodrick, it's all part of the charm.
These specials were a big part
of my holiday tradition growing up.
'Cause if you can't be good this year
You'll probably end up in jail
[Manny] Jail! [chuckles]
Santa never sleeps
So, Mom,
uh, can we talk about
this video game system now?
- It's got the platinum omega chip...
- Oh!
[Greg] And the graphics are, like,
realer than real life.
Yes, Greg,
I believe you've mentioned that.
What are the chances of me getting it?
Like, 80%?
Mmm, well,
have you been good during the last year?
The last year?
I mean, I thought it was, like, more of
a Thanksgiving to Christmas kind of thing.
Santa doesn't take vacations, Greg.
So, you should always be
on your best behavior.
Yeah, well, the thing about coal
in your stocking is just a myth.
Trust me. I'd know.
[sighs] Thank you, Rodrick. Hello.
Can we please stay focused?
I don't know, Greg.
Don't you already have a gaming system?
The one I have is totally outdated.
And if I don't get this new one,
I won't be able to play games
with my friends.
You do want me to have friends,
right, Mom?
Oh, Greg. Can we just pause
this conversation for tonight
and enjoy this holiday moment?
- [giggles] Bye-bye, breakfast.
- Ah. [sighs] That's the spot.
[Frank grunts, strains]
- Ow! Hey, hey!
- [Frank] Oh.
I got three different kinds of tinsel.
I grabbed everything
that was on the shelf.
Frank, where did you find this box?
Oh, it was, uh, in the back, under
the trash bags with the wreaths in it.
Did I do good?
I haven't seen this in years.
I thought it was lost.
[all scream]
What is that thing?
This thing was a very important
part of my family's holiday tradition.
My grandmother knitted Elfrendo herself,
using a pinch of Christmas magic.
That's right.
He's one of Santa's most important scouts.
He reports directly
to the big man himself.
So if you were to be getting that gift
that you want so badly,
then you might wanna make sure
you don't step out of line,
- because Santa will hear about it!
- [screams]
Now, where's a good perch
for our little friend?
[gasps] Oh, this should do it.
Wait. We're...
We're keeping that thing in here?
Of course we are, Greg.
Elfrendo is gonna make sure
everyone's on their best behavior
- for the next two weeks. [echoing]
- [gulps]
[Rowley straining]
[Rowley strains, grunts]
Can we go back inside now?
[shivers] 'Cause it's cold out here.
Maybe we can ask your mom
to make us hot chocolate,
the kind with the miniature marshmallows!
No, no, no. We're much better off outside.
Trust me on that.
But I don't even get
what we're doing out here.
We're building a snowman, Rowley,
and trying to stay out of trouble.
But, Greg,
this doesn't even look like a snowman.
Well, this is just a base.
Once we get this thing, like,
ten feet tall, we'll add the next level.
But how are we gonna
get a snowball on top of this one?
[sighs] I don't know.
Maybe we can rent a crane.
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
- [groans]
- Come on, now.
Stop standing around and help me out here.
[Rowley grunts]
So, are you gonna get
that video game system you want?
- I don't know.
- [straining]
My mom's not giving anything away,
and I've looked everywhere.
[gasps] You look for gifts?
But isn't that naughty?
Hey, if they're gonna leave my presents
out where I can find them,
then it's fair game.
You don't look for your gifts?
All my presents come from Santa,
and he doesn't bring them
till I'm asleep on Christmas Eve.
[sighs] Yeah.
So, what do you think about
this Santa Claus character anyway?
What do you mean?
- [snoring]
- [Greg] Supposedly,
he watches you when you're asleep.
- I mean, it's a little creepy.
- [Santa] Hmm?
Isn't a person
entitled to a little privacy?
Greg, he can hear you.
- [Greg] And what about the bathroom?
- [cap snaps]
I mean,
shouldn't that be a protected zone?
- [screams]
- What are the rules here?
He doesn't know what he's saying, Santa.
I... [sighs]
I just don't like having to be good
to get something I want.
It's a lot of work.
But you're supposed to be good
just to be good.
Yeah, that never really made sense to me.
Hey, what did I say about standing around?
Come on. Help me out here.
["Last Christmas" playing on radio]
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day
You gave it away
- [phone ringing]
- Oh.
- [phone beeps]
- Hey, Tyler, sweetie. What do you need?
- [child 1] Come on. Let's go!
- [child 2] Faster.
[driver] Leftover chicken
is in the fridge, middle shelf.
'Kay, honeybunches.
Mom's gotta finish up
just one last street. Bye-bye now.
- [phone beeps]
- [brakes hiss]
What the heck?
Uh, hey, kid, why don't you, uh,
get a move on?
[wind whistles]
[sighing] Oh, boy.
Yep, always one of these kids every year.
[Rowley straining]
[strains, sighs]
I think it's stuck on something, Greg.
You're just not trying hard enough.
Here, move out of the way.
You gotta do it like this.
See? That got it moving.
- [rumbling]
- Uh, Greg?
Oh, no. Oh, man.
We ruined the lawn.
What are we gonna do, Greg?
Here, here.
Help me cover it up before someone sees.
- Um, okay.
- Hurry, hurry!
[sighs] Okay, look, if you don't move,
I won't be able to clear the streets
so you kids can go to school tomorrow.
Hello? Yoo-hoo.
Oh, that can't be good.
[laughs] Oh, yeah!
[gasps] It's an ambush!
- Get her!
- [children shouting]
[Greg, Rowley grunting]
- Okay, there. Good as new.
- [Rowley sighs]
You know, I think we got
a pretty good start on this snowman.
[children shouting]
We're never going to school!
Stop, stop, stop it!
Hey, what do you say we go to your place?
We can get some hot chocolate.
It's this kind of teamwork that's
gonna score some major points with Santa.
Rowley! Uh, do something?
I got this!
[grunting] Greg!
Oh, no.
[car alarm blaring]
[robot Santa] Ho ho...
Okay, listen!
One more snowball
and I'm calling the cops!
- Wha...
- Huh?
- [rumbling]
- What is that?
- Whoa!
- Uh-oh.
[all screaming]
[robot Santa] Ho ho ho.
No! No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no!
Ho ho... Ho-Ho-Ho... Ho.
Ho-Ho-Ho. [distorted] Ho.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Of course this happens to me.
- [engine revs]
[tires squealing]
- Come on.
- [engine revving]
Come on, baby.
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Hey, you! You! Yeah,
I see you, mister red hat, red scarf!
Stay right where you are!
Come on, Rowley.
We need to get out of here.
[both panting]
Hey, Greg! I think we lost her.
[engine revs]
Oh, you little twerps think
you can outrun me?
[both screaming]
[screaming continues]
Rowley. Come on.
We are still running.
Hey, hey! You two, stop right there!
- [Rowley screams]
- [Greg grunts]
[both grunt, scream]
- [Greg, Rowley grunt]
- Hey!
[both screaming]
Whoa... Whoa!
- [Rowley screaming]
- Left, left! No, go right!
- [Rowley gasps]
- [sighs]
[both screaming]
[Rowley grunts]
- [gasps]
- [tires screeching]
[both screaming]
What the...
[chuckles] Gotcha.
- [Rowley whimpers, grunts]
- [Greg grunts]
[engine revs]
- [engine rattling]
- [Rowley whimpering]
- [Rowley screams]
- [chokes]
- [Rowley screams]
- [grunts]
[both grunting]
- [Rowley screaming]
- [grunts]
- [both groan]
- [driver] I see you two!
You're in big trouble!
We gotta get out of here.
I think we should go back.
It's getting dark.
I'm scared, Greg.
Are you crazy? We can't go back.
That snowplow lady is
probably waiting for us.
Maybe we should go back,
so we can tell her it was an accident.
Don't you get it, Rowley?
We damaged government property.
We could go to jail for that.
We shouldn't even go back on our street.
I can't go to jail!
My parents would be...
disappointed in me!
Well, I can't go to jail either.
I heard they have metal toilets,
and they're right out in the open.
I need my privacy
when I go to the bathroom.
I can't believe this.
I was trying so hard to be good.
Do you think you'll still
get that video game system?
I don't know, Rowley!
We have other things
to deal with right now.
So I'm pretty sure the snowplow lady
didn't get a good look at us,
but she definitely saw
what we were wearing.
So we're gonna have
to ditch this winter gear
so no one can identify us.
I got these earmuffs for getting a B+
in handwriting this quarter.
Sorry, Rowley, but this stuff's gotta go.
Now we just need a place to ditch it.
Where are we gonna do that?
The dumpster?
Are you sure we have to do this?
These earmuffs are so warm and comfy.
What is it gonna be?
Cold ears? Or life behind bars?
[Rowley groans]
[lid creaks, slams]
[footsteps departing]
[owl hooting]
[dog barking in distance]
[door creaks]
Oh, Greg! There you are.
I was starting to get worried about you.
Me and Rowley were just out
enjoying the first big snow day.
I guess we lost track of time.
Oh, well, that's great.
Where are your hat and scarf?
Uh, I don't know.
I guess
I must've dropped them in the snow.
Oh, Greg,
your Aunt Lydia made those for you.
Well, it would break her heart
if she found out you lost them.
I'm sure they'll turn up
when the snow melts in the spring.
Oh, someone will probably find them
before then.
And luckily for you, Aunt Lydia stitched
your name on the inside of your hat.
Wait. My-My name's in there?
First and last.
So don't worry, whoever finds your things
won't have any trouble tracking you down.
- [Greg shudders]
- Greg?
- Uh...
- Are you okay?
Yeah. I think I just need
to get warmed up by the fire.
Oh, there'll be plenty of time
for that later on.
Right now,
we're going on a holiday family outing.
But... [scoffs]
Mom, I can't go back out there.
You can borrow
your father's old hat and scarf.
I don't want you catching a cold.
Guys, let's go! Holiday lights time!
- [Frank] I'll be up in a sec!
- [Rodrick] Do I have to go?
[bells jingling]
[Manny] After that I get to have the elf.
You know Dasher and Dancer
Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen
But do you recall
What's that?
- The most famous reindeer of all?
- [Manny] Look.
Come on
- [yawns]
- [sighs]
Am I the only one
with any Christmas spirit in this family?
I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood
for Christmas carols right now.
Can we go back home now? I...
We're not cutting this drive short, Greg.
It is our family tradition.
Oh, Rodrick.
[switching radio stations]
[weatherperson on radio]
Starting late Thursday night,
we're expecting a total winter whiteout
of mass...
- [radio beeps]
- Come on, Frank.
Could you please
stop obsessing over the weather?
They're saying this
could be the storm of the century.
I just wanna be prepared.
Those weather people
are always hyping storms.
It's what keeps them in business.
Oh, honey.
We gotta remember to donate
a few things for the toy drive this year.
- The toy drive?
- [Susan] Yes, Greg.
That drop box is where everyone leaves
their spare toys for needy kids.
The toys get picked up on Christmas Eve.
Drop box?
What is it gonna be?
Cold ears? Or life behind bars? [echoing]
- [gasps]
- Mm-hmm.
- [dispatcher] Attention, all units.
- Uh...
Possible suspects sighted westbound
on Surrey Street.
Seven Adam 15.
Vehicle has been dispatched to the scene.
Suspect is wanted in connection
with an incident of vandalism.
[birds chirping]
Is that supposed to be us?
Rowley, we gotta get rid of these things
before someone sees them.
There's so many of them.
What if we don't get them all?
We cannot afford
to let that happen, Rowley.
[Rowley yelps]
What if someone
in the neighborhood saw us?
- [laughs]
- [both yelp]
Well, hello, Greg Heffley.
Wanna finish building me?
[chuckles] No, thanks, Fregley.
I've been out here since yesterday.
I can't feel any of my extremities.
How'd he get in there?
[shushes] Keep walking.
Do not make eye contact.
I think my freckles might have frostbite.
I don't feel good about
being so close to my house.
Hey, maybe I can crash at your place
for a few days
and wait for this whole thing
to blow over.
But you're banned
from sleeping over at my house.
Remember the thing
with the chocolate pudding?
- [screaming]
- [mixer whirring]
What? Come on, Rowley.
Your dad's probably
forgotten all about that by now.
No. [sighs]
Look, Rowley, you do not know
what it's like at my house.
I've got, like, five pairs of eyes
watching my every move.
But there's only four other people
in your family.
Well, at least that's what it feels like.
But you said we don't need to worry,
'cause we got rid of our clothes
in that dumpster, right?
- Oh. Yeah, about that.
- What?
Yeah, it turns out the dumpster
is actually a toy donation bin.
It's what?
That means someone's
gonna find our clothes.
This is bad. This is ba...
Calm down. [chuckles]
I mean, it's not like our names
are written inside of them, right?
But what if they find hair in our hats
and test it for DNA?
Wow. Wow, Rowley.
You watch way too much television.
Look, we'll get our clothes back
just to be safe.
- Okay?
- Maybe we should just turn ourselves in.
I can't live like this.
Breathe, Rowley.
I got everything under control.
Here's the plan.
[Greg] We'll set our alarms,
so we wake up first thing in the morning.
Then we'll head downtown
and grab our stuff out of that bin.
And we get rid of it for real this time.
When that's done, we are home free.
Why don't we just do it now?
[sighs] My mom's making us build
a gingerbread house tonight,
and I can't get out of it.
I don't know.
This plan seems kind of risky.
Look, you gotta trust me, Rowley.
Have I ever steered you wrong?
A bunch of times.
You gotta believe, Rowley.
Come on. It's Christmastime.
[wind whistling]
[weatherperson] ...between ten below zero
- and 24 below zero.
- [Manny coos, gulps]
A snow emergency is in effect,
with levels reaching well above five feet.
- Frank, can you please...
- Can't talk! Concentrating.
Come on. Why won't this thing...
Would you please stop obsessing
about this storm?
You're missing out on an authentic
holiday moment with your family.
Mom, how come I have to be here,
but Rodrick doesn't?
Well, I'd love for him to be here,
but I have no idea where he is.
It's like herding cats to get
- everyone in this family in one place.
- [door closes]
Hey, look what I just found.
Oh, I heard about that.
Can you believe that that snowplow assault
happened on our street?
You know, I'll bet the guys behind it
were a couple of those
rotten Whirley Street kids.
They're always coming into
our neighborhood and stirring up trouble.
Yeah, but the Whirley Street kids
wouldn't do something so bold
in broad daylight.
No, no.
These two look like hardened criminals.
[scoffs] I could take 'em.
Ooh, it looks like
they're offering a reward
for more information
that leads to their capture.
Yep. And I'm gonna claim it.
It's how I'm paying
for your Christmas gifts.
Mom? Mom? Can I please be excused?
Absolutely not, Greg.
We are going to finish this
gingerbread house together as a family.
- [rattling]
- Huh?
[squeaking, pops]
- Bubby!
- Ugh!
Okay... [sighs] ...let's pivot.
Frank, uh, you go get those toys
that we're gonna donate.
And, Greg... Ooh, run upstairs
and get the wrapping paper
- from the linen closet.
- [sighs]
This one here looks kind of familiar.
- [footsteps departing]
- Hmm.
Mom, which one's the linen closet again?
[Susan] The one where we keep the towels.
Got it.
[choir vocalizing]
[whispers] No way.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
The one thing I wanted was right there
in one glorious, beautiful...
[Susan] Oh, Greg, and grab the tape
while you're up there too.
Of course, Mother. I'm coming.
[chuckles] Yes!
Okay. I got three varieties of paper
and clear tape.
You need anything else?
Oh, well, aren't you being helpful?
I guess I got the Christmas spirit.
Well, if you keep this up, I bet Santa
will have something extra special for you
on Christmas morning.
You know, I don't really care what I get.
I'm just trying to be
the best Greg Heffley I could be.
[clicks tongue] Oh, aren't you a doll?
Why don't you help me
wrap these used toys?
Sure thing, Mom.
After the thing
that happened with the snowplow,
I figured my holidays were sunk,
but everything changed for me
tonight when I found that gift.
It just proves that sometimes,
good things happen to good people.
Now, all I need to do is grab that stuff
out of the bin tomorrow,
and it'll be smooth sailing to Christmas.
You know that poem
about children going to bed
with visions of sugarplums
dancing in their heads?
Well, tonight I'll be dreaming
of something way better than candy.
[alarm buzzing]
What the heck?
What the heck?
[weatherperson] The governor has declared
a weather emergency...
- What the heck?
- Well, look who came to join us.
It's snowing!
I guess the weather people
are right every once in a while.
My alarm didn't go off.
I set it for later, so you could sleep in.
That's the best thing about a snow day.
More like a snow week.
This storm's supposed to keep going strong
through Christmas Eve.
A whole week?
Uh, uh, I can't be stuck inside right now.
I've got... I've got things I gotta do.
Greg, where on Earth are you going?
I'm going to hang out at Rowley's.
In your pajamas?
Honey, it's not safe
to be outside right now.
Mom, it's just a dusting.
I'll be back in a few... [shouts]
[gasps] Greg.
Bubby frozen.
- [shutter clicks]
- [laughs]
[Greg] It took me a few hours to get
my body temperature back to normal,
but as soon as I could
feel my fingers again,
I grabbed the phone and called Rowley
to fill him in on the new plan.
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
[phone ringing]
Oh, I'll get it.
Don't be long, Son.
We'll pick up
at the start of the third verse.
- [ringing continues]
- [Rowley] Yes, Father.
Jefferson residence. Rowley speaking.
Rowley, I know you know it's me.
I'm sorry. My mom and dad like me
to use good phone manners.
Can you believe this snow?
- I mean, how are you guys holding up?
- We're doing great.
We made gingerbread cookies,
and now we're singing Christmas carols.
[gasps] Oh, want me to put you on
speakerphone so you can join us?
I mean, no, thanks.
Listen, Rowley, we need to make sure
we're on the same page
about the you-know-what.
You mean...
What? That's you-know-who, Rowley.
I'm talking about the snowplow.
Oh, yeah, that.
Look, we won't be able to get our stuff
from that bin until it stops snowing.
We're gonna have to lay low
and keep our mouths shut.
Got it?
- What do you mean?
- If someone beats us to that bin,
we're gonna have to
get our story straight.
So, if anyone comes by your house
and starts asking questions,
you don't know how
our stuff got in there, okay?
But why would someone come to my house?
There's something
I didn't tell you before.
It turns out my name
is stitched inside of my hat.
Your name? That's bad.
Listen, everything's gonna be okay
as long as you play dumb.
You don't know anything about anything.
But lying would be naughty,
and I'm nice!
Rowley, I'm not asking you to lie.
Santa sent the storm to punish us.
- He knows. He knows!
- Rowley?
- [Greg] Can you please calm down?
- [panting]
Just focus on the sound of my voice.
Maybe I'll just confess.
What's the number for the police?
- 911, 911, 911.
- [phone beeping]
- Rowley! Rowley!
- 911, 911, 911.
- Rowley, do not hang up this phone!
- 911, 911!
- Stay on the line!
- 911!
[electricity humming stops]
[busy signal beeping]
[Greg sighs] Well, with the power out,
Rowley can't call the cops
and spill his guts out about the snowplow.
And with the whole town snowed under,
nobody's getting to that bin.
So, my secret's safe.
At least for now.
All I need to do is to make it
to Christmas morning
without anyone in my family catching on.
Because in one week,
I can call that video game system mine.
[sighs] Okay.
Three cases of water,
120 rolls of toilet paper,
flashlights with fresh batteries
and plenty of canned goods.
- Ooh.
- Check!
Greg, you're already shivering?
The power's only been out for a half hour.
Yeah, we're already starting to lose heat.
And if it gets cold enough in here,
the pipes could burst.
So, nobody touch the bottled water.
Just in case.
[Manny groans]
We might need to use it
to flush the toilets.
Eh, I never really flush anyway.
Yes, Rodrick, we've noticed.
Do we really have enough food?
What if we run out?
Well, I just went grocery shopping.
We'll be fine for two weeks at least.
I read about this family
that got snowed into their cabin,
and to survive,
- they had to eat each other.
- [gasps] Gross!
Rodrick! You're scaring Manny.
The last guy felt kinda bad though.
[sighs] Well,
I think everything's gonna be just fine.
And the next few days are going to be fun.
What could be better than being snowed in
with your family for the holidays?
Literally anything.
No phones, no television, no distractions.
Just the five of us sharing
in the joy of each other's company.
It's a Christmas miracle.
[shivering] So cold.
[Rodrick groans]
Okay, guys.
Who's up for another round of charades?
- [Greg sighs]
- [groans]
[chittering continues]
- [Greg] Uh...
- [Rodrick] Um...
Back to the Future?
- A llama?
- She did a llama yesterday, I think.
Or maybe that was the day before?
I... It's getting fuzzy.
It's an alpaca, guys. Come on.
[groans] Same thing.
Frank, we are playing a game here.
- Would you please sit down?
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
I-I just gotta make sure
we've got our inventory cataloged.
All right, let's see here.
120 toilet paper rolls,
three cases of water... Wait a minute.
There's a case missing.
And where are the cans of yams?
I think one of you boys
is hoarding supplies.
I've got a nose for yams.
Breathe in my face.
[screams] Whoa, whoa. [stammers]
- Uh, um, Mom.
- [sniffing]
- Oh, it's okay, Rodrick.
- [sniffing continues]
I think your father may be
suffering from a case of cabin fever.
N-Not so fast.
You're not off the hook yourself, Susan.
- Come on. Let's have it. Breathe.
- [Susan chuckles] Okay.
- That's enough, Frank.
- [Frank] That-That's broccoli, isn't it?
Greg, what's wrong?
The elf thing moved.
It was there a minute ago,
and now it's there.
Oh, I'm sure your mind
is just playing tricks on you, honey.
Uh, maybe you're going
a little stir-crazy too.
I am not going crazy.
That thing actually moved.
[Rodrick] Hmm.
Well, maybe he had an important message
to deliver to the North Pole.
But now he's back.
I wonder what he had to tell Santa.
Look, maybe another round of charades
will crank up the fun.
Next category.
Book titles of the Edwardian period. Ooh!
- [groans] No.
- Really? [groans]
[ceiling cracking]
[ceiling, walls creaking]
- [explosion]
- [water splashing]
- The pipes burst!
- Oh, no, no, no! The basement!
The basement? My room!
Come on, work.
- [Susan gasps]
- Whoa!
Oh, no, no, no!
My Revolutionary War diorama!
- My drums!
- Oh, gosh.
Be careful, Rodrick!
- [Rodrick screams] Please! No!
- [Frank] No, Cornwallis!
Not you, Cornwallis!
[wind whistling]
[Greg] I was actually kinda glad that
my family was distracted with other stuff,
because that gave me the chance
to stay out of sight and out of mind.
So, my plan was to shut myself
in my room and lay low until Christmas.
- Whoa!
- [sighs] What's up, roomie?
Rodrick? What are you doing here?
Well, since my room's flooded,
I'll be crashing here for a while.
What? [scoffs] You can't stay in here.
This is my room.
Well, I'm not sleeping in Manny's room.
Something's not right with that kid.
And besides, I need to keep an eye on you.
Keep a... Keep an eye on me? For what?
I've noticed you've been acting
a little suspicious lately.
What? Now you think I took the yams?
Ha! This isn't about yams, Gregory.
- Uh...
- Time to come clean.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Red hat, red scarf.
Just like the ones you lost, huh?
Fine. [sighs] What do you know?
All right,
here's how I think it all went down.
You and your little buddy
were in the front yard last week,
frolicking in the snow.
[both laughing]
Then, along came some high schoolers
who saw you two weaklings as easy targets.
Nice winter gear, dum-dums.
Now, it's ours. [chuckles]
[Rodrick] So, they stole your winter gear,
rolled you up in a snowball,
and pushed you down the hill.
- So long, twerps!
- [Greg, Rowley screaming, crying]
[Rodrick] And wham!
You nailed that snowplow.
[laughs] We're so bad.
But now, you and your little friend
have a problem, right?
The guys who took your stuff
are on the run from the law.
- The fuzz!
- [Rodrick] But they know where you live.
So if you rat them out
for what they did, you're both dead.
Really, Rodrick?
That's what you came up with?
Well, I, uh...
I'm still working out the details.
But it's just a matter of time
before I find out what happened for sure.
What do you mean?
All the evidence is stored right here.
On our doorbell?
Yes, Greg, on our doorbell.
It's got a camera in it.
And everything that happens
on the street in front of our house
gets recorded
on this little box right here.
Yeah, well, good luck finding out
what's on that thing
without any electricity.
I think you underestimate me, Gregory.
Nothing is getting in between
me and that reward money.
And I'm calling the bed.
[Greg] Just gotta make it five more days,
Greg Heffley.
You can do this.
[wind whistling]
["It's the Most Wonderful Time
of the Year" playing]
It's the most wonderful time
Of the year
- [gasps, chuckles]
- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
[gasps, grunting]
It's the most wonderful time
Of the year
It's the hap-happiest season of all
[Rodrick] Aha!
With those holiday greetings
And gay happy meetings
Now, let's get you powered up.
- [electricity crackling]
- Oh, ah, hot!
It's working.
There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
See? Like this.
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories
[Santa screams]
Whoa. Hey!
It's the most wonderful time
Of the year
There'll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
[Frank] And that ought to be enough.
It's the most wonderful time
Of the year
Let's get you fired up.
[electricity crackles]
Yes. Yes, come on.
Come on. Come on.
[electricity crackling]
No, no! No!
Huh? [screams]
Oh, no, no, no! Stop, stop. [blows]
Okay, everybody.
Scooch in.
[Susan chuckles]
[Greg screams] Rodrick!
- [Susan] Greg! Stop!
- [Frank] Rodrick!
- [Susan] No, no, no! My tree!
- [Greg] Stop!
[Frank] Susan!
Oh! Hmm.
- [screams]
- [electricity crackling]
It's alive!
It's alive!
This isn't happening.
This isn't happening!
[music ends]
Okay. Okay.
That ought to do it.
Everyone gets three-quarters
of a wall and five gumdrops.
And no seconds.
We have to save the roof for dinner.
Dictator. [babbling]
I've had it with you people.
I just don't understand
how we ran out of food.
No food, no water, no batteries,
no toilet paper.
How? How could we have gone
through everything so quickly?
Guys! Check this out.
[imitates electric guitar]
I've built a device
that powers our doorbell camera,
and the video is almost done buffering.
I'm finally gonna figure out
who wrecked that snowplow.
[gasps, groans]
Drumroll, please.
[imitating drums]
- Behold!
- [beeping]
- [Susan gasps]
- My potatoes!
- My Christmas lights!
- [beeping, crackling]
Wait, wait! No, no, no, no! Stop, stop!
Oh, come on.
Rodrick, my Christmas decorations
are not toys.
I have been looking for these.
We need all the food we can get.
How did we run out of food, Frank?
I thought we had enough
to last us two weeks.
If everyone only took their fair share...
Don't tell me you're gonna start in
on those yams again.
Rodrick's been hoarding potatoes.
Who knows what else these boys are hiding?
Now's not the time for paranoia, Frank.
You're scaring Manny.
Wait, where is Manny?
[Susan gasps]
Manny! Manny!
Manny! [groans]
[echoing] Manny!
Manny! Manny?
- Manny!
- Manny!
- Manny!
- Manny!
Oh, Manny, Manny, Manny.
Where could you be?
I checked in the garage. He's not there.
I couldn't find him
in any of his regular hiding spots.
[groans] He's not in his room.
He wasn't in the bathroom either,
but I'd suggest you all give it
a good 20 minutes before you go in there.
You don't think he's out there?
[wind howling]
My precious baby, out in the storm alone.
[electronic music playing, faint]
- Do you guys hear...
- Music?
[music continues]
[all] Huh?
So, that's where all the supplies went.
Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.
Huh. Respect.
[music ends]
And there we go.
- This little guy is not going anywhere.
- [scoffs]
Well, can you blame him, Frank?
He was just looking out for himself.
The whole experience
has probably scarred him.
Seems fine to me.
Could we please lighten up, guys?
Things could be a whole lot worse.
Um, how exactly?
[water dripping]
There could be...
[electricity crackles]
We could...
Yeah, this really is rock bottom, I guess.
I suppose,
I got a little carried away too.
Especially with the yams.
You can say that again.
[imitating Frank] Breathe in my face.
[Frank, Greg laughing]
[all laughing]
What are yams exactly, anyway?
[Frank laughs]
I don't know,
but they're delicious.
[Greg, Rodrick laugh]
I know this wasn't the Christmas season
we were hoping for, guys.
But at least we'll never forget it.
Hope you're wrong about that.
I'm already trying to scrub it
from my brain.
Well, maybe there's still time
to turn things around tonight.
What do you say we try
and have a little fun?
Oh, please, not charades again.
Now, I know
it's not officially Christmas yet,
but what do you guys think about getting
a little sneak preview?
- Yeah!
- Hey, all right!
Everyone can pick out
one gift to open tonight.
But choose carefully
because you're gonna have to make it last
until tomorrow morning.
Uh-uh-uh. You might wanna wait
till the electricity's back on
to open that one, Greg.
You're a good kid.
You've earned it.
[paper rips]
[sighs] Clothes? Seriously?
Oh, Aunt Lydia made you
another hat and scarf.
Can I pick again?
Now you don't need someone
to find your old ones.
- [Christmas music playing]
- [chuckles] Look, Greg.
Aunt Lydia is upping her game.
[Frank] Uh, guys? Guys?
Did it stop snowing?
[Susan, Greg gasp]
[footsteps approaching]
[gasps] It's a Christmas miracle!
All right! [laughs]
- Yes!
- Yes!
Huh. Check it out. Cops.
[Susan] They must be going
to collect those toys.
Frank, we never turned in our donation
for the toy drive.
Wait, what do the police have to do
with the toy drive?
The police are the ones
who collect the donations from the bin
and get them to the families in need.
Isn't it wonderful that they sacrifice
their personal time to do that?
Hmm. Looks like it belongs
to Greg Heffley.
- [radio crackles]
- Uh, Bravo 6,
we've identified the suspect
as notorious troublemaker Gregory Heffley.
[dispatcher] Copy that. Lock him up.
[door buzzes]
I hope you're proud of what ya did,
Greg Heffley.
Oh, and Merry Christmas!
[chuckles] I hope you like your present.
It looks like you're gonna have to share!
[Elfrendo laughing]
[laughing continues]
Greg, are you okay?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
I think I need to go upstairs
and lay down.
I don't feel so good.
Sure, honey.
Get some rest.
I hope you feel better
for the big day tomorrow.
Probably too many yams.
[Greg] I knew that if I didn't get
to that bin before the cops did,
I was gonna spend my Christmas
in the slammer.
So, I mustered up my courage and headed
out into the dark, cold night on my own.
It's go time.
[Christmas music playing]
[sighs] You gotta be kidding me.
- [switch clicks]
- [music stops]
[Rowley snoring]
- [snowball thuds]
- [gasps]
- [snowball thuds]
- [shouts]
[moans, shouts]
Uh, what's out there, Joshie?
[gasps, sighs]
Hey! Greg?
Sorry. I didn't know how else
to get your attention.
It's Christmas Eve.
Shouldn't you be in bed?
[Greg] In bed? But it's only 7:30.
I like to be asleep
in case Santa comes early.
Well, I need your help.
This is bigger than Santa.
[gasps] Nothing's bigger than Santa.
The police are gonna empty out
that toy bin tonight.
And my name is stitched
on the inside of that hat.
But I'm already in my footie pajamas.
Well, enjoy your last night of freedom.
Because once they've got me, they're gonna
wanna know who my accomplice is.
[Rowley straining]
Let's do this.
Whoa. Are you all right, buddy?
Yeah. [grunts]
All right. That's my pal.
- [Rowley panting, gasps]
- [dispatcher] Seven Adam 15.
Vehicle has been dispatched to the scene.
- No reports from downtown...
- [whimpering]
[bell tolls]
Uh, Greg?
Where did the donation bin go?
- [sighs] The storm's completely buried it.
- [wind whistling]
That's why I brought these.
Come on.
It's gotta be around here somewhere.
[Rowley] I think it was
under this lamppost, Greg.
[Greg] No,
I'm pretty sure it was over here.
[both grunting]
Um, maybe over here?
[Rowley groans]
Let's try over there.
[Rowley whimpers, grunts]
[grunts] We're never going to find it.
We should just... [sighs] ...give up.
[sighs] That bin's gotta be here!
[shovel clangs]
Ha! I knew I'd find it.
It's always in the last place you look,
right? [laughs]
- [Rowley] But, Greg, I...
- Come on!
Let's dig it up.
- [Greg] Yes!
- [Rowley] Whoo!
[Greg] Our stuff is still here.
Let's grab it and get out of here.
I'm gonna need you to hold my legs.
Almost there. [strains]
[straining, screams]
[Greg] Got it! Okay, pull me up.
- [strains]
- [vehicle approaching]
Greg, it's the cops!
[Greg] Rowley, I'm slipping.
[Rowley screams]
[Rowley] You got this, Greg!
Oh, man. N-No, no, no.
Hey! What are you doin' out here?
Uh, I'm sorry, officer. I... I didn't...
[stammers] Wait. Yo-You're just a kid.
[scoffs] Honey, shouldn't you be home
on Christmas Eve?
Uh, I was just making sure
the police could get to the bin
so they could collect the toys.
You know, for the kids.
I was supposed to clear this lot
a few days ago, but I couldn't.
Someone broke my plow.
I was gonna try and shovel it by hand.
You saved me a lot of time tonight, kid.
Well... [chuckles]
Uh, the spirit of Christmas and all that.
Well, I think you can feel
pretty good about this one.
It'll put you on Santa's nice list
for sure.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Hey, how about I give you a ride
so you can get back home to your family?
So, you, um, getting anything good
for Christmas this year?
Yeah. A new video game system.
Oh, man, you lucky dog.
Yeah, my Tyler wanted one of those,
but I'm gonna have to save up my pennies
before I can afford something like that.
But next year though. Next year.
Just gonna have to put in a few extra
hours in this old bucket of bolts.
Where'd you say you live again?
Uh, Surrey Street.
It's on the hill.
You gotta be kidding me!
That's the street
where my plow got busted.
And you know what? They never did catch
those hooligans that did it.
So, is this plowing stuff, like,
your full-time job?
Oh, this? No.
[chuckles] No, I just do this on the side
for extra cash.
It helps this time of year.
You know, there weren't a lot
of toys in that donation bin.
Do you think the cops will even bother
handing them out?
Oh, yeah, no, sure,
they'll take whatever's in there,
and they'll get it out to the kids
that need it the most.
Hey, lots of families depend
on those donations, you know?
Mine included.
Is that your son?
[driver] Yep. My Tyler.
He's the whole world to me.
It's just me and him.
[groans] You're lucky
there are only two of you.
I've got four other people in my family,
and they've been driving me
totally nuts lately.
Let me give you a little advice, kid.
My family made me crazy
when I was your age too.
I mean, they drove me bananas.
But boy do I miss 'em now.
Treasure every single moment
you have with those people
because nothing in life is guaranteed.
[stammers] Um, this is my turn.
[Rowley grunting]
[driver] All right, kid.
It's been nice getting to know ya.
Yeah. Thanks for the ride.
- You!
- [groans]
[groans] You seem like a good kid.
Now, why don't you put on
that hat and scarf of yours?
It's cold outside.
Okay, you and your family
have yourself a merry Christmas.
Uh, yeah.
You too.
- Ah, crazy kid...
- [radio beeps]
["Last Christmas" playing on radio]
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day...
[electricity humming]
[Greg] Whoa.
- [electricity humming]
- [Rowley grunts]
[chuckles] Yeah!
[Frank laughing]
[Susan laughs]
- [laughs]
- [Frank, Susan laughing]
What are you looking at?
[Frank laughing]
- [Manny] Bubby.
- Hey, hey, buddy! Look!
The power is back on!
[chuckles] Yeah.
Greg, you found your hat and scarf.
No way.
I finally put it all together.
So it was you this entire time.
[Susan] What is going on here, Greg?
What is your brother talking about?
I'm the one who damaged that snowplow.
[stammers] What? Wait a minute.
You knocked the blade off that plow?
But I-I... How?
It was an accident.
Me and Rowley were building a snowman,
and the snowball
just kind of got away from us.
And when it happened, we got scared.
So we ran.
[siren blares]
[dispatcher] Seven Baker 17,
repeat, Surrey Street.
Suspect is wanted...
What are the police doing here?
I can't believe it.
That snowplow lady sold me out.
Man, the chafe
in these pants is ridiculous.
Well, don't just stand there.
You can slip out the back door.
I'll stall for you.
Good plan, Rodrick.
And, Frank, help me hide the evidence.
Susan! Are you crazy?
We can't engage in a... a cover-up.
We gotta tell the police what happened.
Frank, we are not gonna have
our family's Christmas ruined
by what was clearly an innocent mistake.
Um, okay are we... are we...
are we really doing this?
I guess we're doing this.
Start shredding, Rodrick.
- Oh, man! Oh, man! Oh, man!
- [grunts]
[dispatcher] Last seen wearing a red scarf
- and red hat.
- [both panting]
- Guys, hey!
- [Susan pants, screams]
Guys. Guys!
Come on!
- Huh?
- Wha...
- Huh?
- It's okay.
You don't need to do this for me.
The thing with the snowplow was my fault.
It's time for me to face the music.
But if this is the end of the road for me,
I just wanna say
I'm really gonna miss you guys.
I gotta get
a different pair of snow pants.
Please be gentle.
I've got delicate wrists.
Well, hello, officers.
What brings you to our house tonight?
Listen, lady,
we've got a bit of a situation here.
Oh, well, I-I'm sure that this was
just a complete misunderstanding.
Uh, right.
Uh, listen, uh,
with all the snow this week,
people couldn't go out
to the toy donation bin.
So, uh, me and my partner volunteered to
go door-to-door to collect unwanted items.
[Frank, Susan] Oh.
[all] Oh!
Well, that's a wonderful idea, officers.
I'm so sorry we didn't make it to the bin
before tonight.
Frank, could you run upstairs
and grab those gifts we wrapped?
Boys, do we have anything else
in the house we could donate?
Actually, I have something
that would be perfect.
But can I ask you officers for a favor?
[Manny chuckles]
[Manny imitates car]
[horn honks]
[paper rustles]
Deodorant. Really?
Santa knows exactly what you need.
Thanks, Santa.
I'm sorry you don't have
more to open this year.
I'm good with what I got.
The truth is,
I have everything I need right here.
I'm proud of you, Greg.
What you did last night was just amazing.
Yeah, well,
that's what Christmas is all about, right?
[Manny imitates car]
Aw, Manny.
[all laugh]
[Manny laughs]
- [driver laughs, imitates lasers]
- [Tyler groans]
- [driver] Oh! Ah! Nope!
- Come on!
- Come and get me.
- [groans]
- Now you can't get me 'cause I'm hiding!
- Oh! Yeah!
- [shouts] You got me.
- Whoo-hoo!
Thanks, Mom.
[Greg] So, after everything I went
through, my Christmas wasn't half bad.
I spent the day with my family,
and I even had a little time
to tie up some loose ends.
- [lid closes]
- Good riddance.
And in case you're thinking I went soft
by giving up my present,
let me just say that a new video game
system comes out every year.
And next time around, I won't have
anyone looking over my shoulder.
So I'm a lock
for having my Christmas dreams come true.
I just hope nobody hears about everything
that happened to my family
and turns it into one of those
corny holiday specials,
'cause that would be, like,
my worst nightmare.
- [thunderclap]
- [laughs]
["Santa Never Sleeps" playing]
[chorus vocalizing]
[singer 1] You best behave this year
'Cause Santa never sleeps
And if he spies you acting bad
Then you're in trouble deep
So don't step out of line
No matter what you do
'Cause Santa's eyes are always open
And they're both on you
You might try a little misbehavin'
To see if old St. Nick will care
But when you come downstairs
On Christmas morning
Don't be shocked
When zero gifts are there
Your friend Santa Claus
Is hoping you won't fail
'Cause if you can't be good this year
You'll probably end up in jail
Fa, la, la
Santa never sleeps
[chorus] Best behave this year
'Cause Santa never sleeps
Best behave this year
'Cause Santa never sleeps
[singer 1] Be good round Christmastime
'Cause Santa never sleeps
And if he spies you acting bad
You're in trouble deep
So don't step out of line
No matter what you do
'Cause Santa's eyes are always open
And they're both on you
You might try a little misbehavin'
To see if old St. Nick will care
But when you come downstairs
On Christmas morning
Don't be shocked
When zero gifts are there
Some say Santa Claus
Can look right in your soul
And right now all that he can see
Is one black lump of coal
- Santa Claus
- [singer 2] Santa Claus
[singer 1] Fa, la, la
[all] Santa never sleeps
[chorus] Best behave this year
'Cause Santa never sleeps
[music ends]