Division (2022) Movie Script

1
It's a long dark way
(soft music)
- [Andi] I don't know
what I'm doing here.
I don't mean on Earth,
but possibly that too.
But more specifically,
in Georgia.
My fiance, Zach, said maybe
we should leave Los Angeles,
and I became obsessed
with the idea.
It was like I was impelled
by a force beyond myself.
So, tada, here I am,
living in Atlanta.
- [Broadcaster] There
is so much happening
right now in our country.
- And now it'll go away
like things go away.
- It is unlikely that
it's gonna disappear.
- We are spending time
fighting each other,
when this virus doesn't
understand politics
and it's impacting us all.
- Mayor Bottoms' mask
mandate cannot be enforced.
- [Joe Biden] The current
president has cloaked
American darkness
for much too long.
Too much anger, too much
fear, too much division.
- [Donald Trump] Knock
the crap out of him,
would you, seriously?
- [Man On Phone]
This is for Trump.
- [Donald Trump] I think
my rhetoric is a very,
it brings people together.
(sirens blaring)
- We ultimately agree far more
often than we divide sharply.
- I wanted a challenge,
and now I've got one.
And I knew Zach would be in
the basement all the time
recording werewolf
porn audiobooks or
whatever, and he is.
And I am stuck in this
house, and I might as well be
totally alone.
Except, not totally,
because I have you, yay.
Okay, bye.
- [Broadcaster] Were using
his words against him,
and already he's trying
to claim that somehow
this is a different situation.
- I just did a vlog.
Are they even still called that?
- Are you talking to me?
- No, I'm talking to the dog.
He's just as likely to answer.
- You can see I'm
doing something.
- You were just on your phone.
- Yes, doing something.
Did you say you did a vlog?
- Yep.
- Why'd you do that?
- I had to do something.
- [Broadcaster] Do something.
- Oh, did you hear that?
The TV echoed me again.
- That keeps happening to you.
- I know. What does it mean?
- [Broadcaster] The
Democratic Party
and the American people.
- You're in touch
with the universe.
- I think so, babe.
(piano music)
- [Broadcaster] But he
isn't in elected office.
I think it may come down
to Senator Schumer--
- Are you going away?
- Yep.
- Have fun.
(piano music)
Mysh, ooh, oh.
What would I do
without you, buddy?
Oh.
(soft piano music)
(computer pinging)
- Nice.
- You watching porn?
- Don't you think I'd
have the door closed?
- I don't know what
you're into, man.
- I just heard back from Andi,
from Globe's Silliest Video.
- Oh my God, you're
still into that chick?
- We're kinda friends. She
writes me back sometimes.
And she lives in Georgia now.
- Oh, so you're gonna
start stalking her now?
- No.
I'm not gonna stalk her.
Mark, you're a dick.
- Least I'm not a
creepy ass stalker.
- Shut the fuck up, dude.
- You can find her
address, you know?
Yeah, you can find anything
on the internet, mm-hm.
- Now you sound like
the creepy ass stalker.
- No, man, I'm a
tactical strategist.
- Get the fuck out,
tactical pervert.
(soft piano music)
(Andi sighing)
Come on. What else you doing?
(soft music)
- He's got a point there.
(phone pinging)
(soft piano music)
Uh.
(soft piano music)
(Andi clearing throat)
Hey, Mason.
- Wow, hi.
How are you?
- I'm okay, you
know, considering.
- This is so weird. I've
watched you on TV so much.
- Oh, well, not much lately.
What have you been up to?
- Nothing now. I ...
I lost my job because of
this, this COVID bullshit.
- Oh, I hear you,
man, I'm sorry.
Oh, so I like the pun
in your handle, MaySin.
Are you some kinda bad guy?
- No, I'm the best guy.
- Oh, really?
That sounds like pride.
That's one sin right there.
- Wait till you hear about lust.
- Oh my (blows).
- Being outta work, you know,
I'm getting pretty
good at sloth, too.
- Oh yeah?
Yeah, in the first
couple months of this,
I got deep into gluttony.
(Mason laughing)
- Did you put on
a quaranfifteen?
- It was more like quaranten.
I was exercising every day,
but I was balancing it
out with lots of snacks.
- I bet you looked adorable.
- No, no, just lumpy.
- Well (laughs), you look
pretty damn good now.
- Shucks, thank you.
You're, you're awfully nice.
- So you living in
Atlanta now, huh?
- Yep.
- I live like an hour
south of there in Elston.
- Oh, I hear it's
nice down there.
- It's not.
(both laughing)
- I'm sorry.
- It's all right. Just ...
You know, I should come
up there, and we should,
we should have a beer.
- Oh, yeah, if that's
ever allowed again.
- What? It's allowed.
- Well, I mean, just
because it's allowed
doesn't mean it's a good idea.
- Well Trump says don't
let COVID ruin your life.
- Are you being facetious?
- Depends on what that means.
- Yeah, well, I
don't listen to much
of what that guy has to say.
(Mason laughing)
- Yeah, me neither.
So what brought you
to the South then?
- I'm not sure, insanity, maybe.
- Maybe you were
supposed to meet me.
- Oh, yeah, that
must be it (laughs).
No, I'm afraid I am
taken, but thank you.
- You aint married.
- Nope, engaged.
- See, you can still
get outta that.
(Andi laughing)
- You're cute, you're cute.
But, no, I'm good, thank you.
- You happy?
- Yep.
- Why you talking to me?
- That's a good question.
I don't know. You've been
writing to me for years.
You seem like a nice guy.
- If you don't
count all that sin.
- Are you kidding?
That's the best part.
I mean, how long have you
been writing to me now?
It must be like 10 years.
- Yeah, when I first
saw you on the show,
it was love at first sight.
- Shut up.
- Really.
That show, you know,
it, it saved my life.
I got injured overseas.
And I got home, I
felt pretty lost and
you all made me laugh.
- Wow. Army?
- Yeah.
- [Andi] Same as my
grandpa. He was a radioman.
- So was I.
- No way. Come on.
(computer pinging)
You know what, Mason?
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
- Well it was good
talking to you.
- It really was. Thank you.
- For what?
- I don't know.
Reaching out, I guess.
- Yeah, anytime.
- Okay, have a good night. Bye.
(soft piano music)
- Let's talk soon.
Shit, she's gone.
I didn't do anything wrong
I was just talking
to a friend
(men arguing on TV)
- [Broadcaster] If they
wanna vote properly,
they can vote properly.
(Mason sighing)
(chattering on TV)
(water running)
(soft music)
- You want supper?
- Yes, honey.
- Just stop it with that
shit, man. I aint your bitch.
- You also aint paying rent.
You gotta earn
your keep somehow.
- What the fuck?
Mark, did you drink
all the beer, bro?
- Oops.
- Are you kidding me right now?
- Thought you weren't gonna
drink during the week.
- Aint no such thing as a
weekend. I aint working.
- I'm sorry. I will get
more beer tomorrow, cool?
- I gotta shop for my mom
anyway, man. I'll just ...
I'll get some then.
- Still?
Trump just said the
virus is basically over.
- Yeah.
With her diabetes, you know,
she's just, she's paranoid.
- Survival of the fittest, man.
- You are fucking
talking about my mom!
- I'm just telling
it like it is.
- Just telling it like it is?
Fucking dick, man.
You are a dick.
- Chill the fuck out.
If I needed somebody jumping
down my throat every time
I opened my mouth, I'd
move back in with my wife.
- As if she'd have you.
Fucking asshole.
- You believe this shit?
- What?
- They're trying to
rig the election.
- That's the only way
they can win is to cheat.
- It's a fucking left-wing
coup is what it is.
- Yeah, it's
bullshit, all right.
- [Mark] Well they got
another thing coming.
This is what the Founding
Fathers were talking about.
- Hell yeah, they rolling
over in the graves now.
- [Mark] A well-armed militia.
We gotta fight this shit.
The military's for
Trump, the police.
- Most of the generals
are against him now.
- Yeah, the generals might
as well be politicians.
I'm talking about the
guys like you, and me.
The ones who do the actual work.
We need to take this
fucking country back.
- [Mason] Yeah.
- [Broadcaster] It sounds
like desperation to me.
- Hey, what is with you, man?
- I just talked to that girl.
- What girl?
Oh, the girl from TV?
- Andi.
- Now you do know that
you can't just pick
girlfriends off the TV, right?
It's not QVC for people.
- She's different, Mark.
It's not like she's,
you know, famous.
- You do know she is just some
Hollywood libtard, don't you?
- She lives here, though.
- [Mark] Where?
- Atlanta.
- Oh, Atlanta.
I'll tell you what, Atlanta
might as well be another planet.
Might as well be New
York Fucking City.
- Still the South.
- Seriously, is this
the head injury?
Are you fucking delusional?
- We'll see.
(Mark chuckling)
- You know, Mason,
you could get all
the pussy that you want.
Girls love that with you,
the dark, broody shit.
- The girls around
here are idiots.
(Mark sighing)
I want something different.
- Well, be careful.
Chicks get dangerous when
they got brains. Trust me.
- Since almost
nobody is watching,
I might as well be
completely honest.
I fucked up.
I got to a certain point, and
I didn't wanna work anymore.
I couldn't work anymore, and,
and I think that's
humanity right there.
The drive between wanting
to strive for something more
and the overwhelming
urge to just sit back
and let life happen to you.
And let me tell
you, living that way
does not make you happy.
If you let yourself be
consumed by what happens to you
instead of what you make
happen, you will wake up one day
and realize you are
not a complete person.
So that's where I'm at.
Andi James, partial person,
signing off.
(soft music)
Hi, Mama.
- [Mom] Hi, hon,
how you doing today?
- I'm fine, how are you?
- You sound down.
- Yeah, I'm feeling feckless.
I am utterly devoid of feck.
- What's going on?
- Nothing, that's the problem.
- You know, you wouldn't feel
this way if you had a baby.
- Yeah, Mom, I don't
think it's a good idea
to have a baby just
because you're bored.
- I just don't want you
to regret not having one.
It's the natural order.
- I don't know if it is anymore
I mean, look what's
going on in the world.
What if I had a
kid and he wound up
in some Mad Max water
war or something?
- Yeah, but what if
your baby ended up
in a water war but
saved everybody?
(Andi laughing)
Like your baby was the hero.
- Okay, Mom, yeah.
Clearly my delusions of
grandeur are hereditary.
Have you forgotten
Zach had a vasectomy?
- They can be reversed.
It's expensive.
It's like $10,000.
- Oh my God.
- I'll pay.
- Okay.
You're cute.
- [Mom] Your baby would be cute.
- I am sad I won't
make you a grandma.
You'd be a really great grandma.
- I would.
- Yeah, no, that's not
a good enough reason
to have a baby
either, Mom, okay.
- [Mom] Okay, fine.
Be that way.
- Okay, I love you.
- I hope you feel better.
- Thank you, bye.
Oh. What fresh hell
have we come upon today?
- What?
Oh.
It's fucking insane.
Piece of shit's trying
to rig the election.
- Oh yeah, well, cheating's
the only way they can win.
- He'll literally do anything
to stay in power. It's so bad.
- So, apocalypse
notwithstanding,
what do you think?
Untie your tubes?
- Yeah, no thanks.
- Yeah, I know.
(soft piano music)
You know, if you don't
wanna have a baby,
there are like four
guys on the internet
that totally love me.
I could give one of them a call.
- Fans of Globe's Silliest?
- Yeah.
- You know they're
all Trump supporters?
- Shut up, you don't know that.
- Only Trumpers would be stupid
enough to like that show.
- Oh my God, you're
such an elitist.
A lot of people liked that show.
- Yeah, a lotta dumb people.
(Andi screaming)
Stop it!
(Andi sighing)
(soft piano music)
(Donald Trump talking on TV)
- There you go.
- Thank you.
- Keep your tab open?
- Yeah, appreciate it, thanks.
Mm, here you go.
- Thank you.
- You got it. Should
we take these off?
- I think so. It's kinda hard
to drink beer with them on.
- Yeah, that's a good point.
Oh my God, this
feels so dangerous.
- Because it is.
(both laughing)
- Exciting.
- God, it feels so good to
get outta the fucking house.
- Oh, seriously,
I was going crazy.
This guy keeps asking
me to go get a beer,
and I was like, okay
fine, I'll go get a beer.
- Just not with him?
- Exactly. I'll get
one with Delaney.
- Mm.
So, who is this guy?
- It's no one, just this fan.
- You're blushing.
- He's actually super cute.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, and really charming.
- Uh oh.
- I know.
We definitely had
like a vibe going.
I don't usually like
Southern accents, but
he sounds like honey tastes.
- Uh, yummy.
- I know.
- You are totally gonna
go on a date with a fan.
You are so famous.
- Shut up. I am only fame-ish.
- Ah, give it time.
- I think that ship has sailed.
But you I have hope for.
- Yeah, right, nobody
wants to hire me.
I'm such a self-conscious freak.
(Andi laughing)
- What?
- Oh, nothing, I'm just pretty
sure we're the same person.
Except I'm older.
Maybe I was sent from
the future to help you.
- Ooh, help me with what?
- I don't know, not be
a self-conscious freak?
Because you're awesome.
- Well isn't it funny because
the only place I don't feel
like a self-conscious
freak is when I'm on stage,
in front of strangers.
- It's too bad there's no
such thing as a show anymore.
- Oh, it'll come back.
- I'm not so sure.
- You think theater is done?
- I think this country might be.
- Yeah, maybe.
- I'm so glad I sat next to you
at that show last year, though.
- God, me too. I love you.
- Ah!
- Is it too soon to say that?
- No, girl, I love you too.
I haven't had a
connection with someone
like this in a really long time.
- What about your fiance?
- Huh.
I'm not sure we ever had that.
- Andi, why are
you marrying him?
- Well, we have been engaged
for almost four years.
- Okay.
(Andi sighing)
- Okay, so, we were
on and off forever
because I kept leaving
him for other guys.
- Okay.
- But I always came back to him.
It's not this deep
soul connection, but
we're a really good match,
we balance each other.
- Mm, God, sounds so romantic.
Like a scale (laughs).
- Well I am a Libra.
- I knew it. I'm a Capricorn.
We make a good match.
- See that? Bam.
- Bam.
So, do you love Zach?
- Yeah.
- But you're not
in love with him?
- I am.
- You sound super convincing
right now (laughs).
- I know.
I feel like I'd be
totally happy if he
just connected with me more.
Or did it with me more.
- How often do you guys do it?
- Like every other
week, if I am lucky.
- Um, no, that is not enough.
- I know.
But maybe I have unreasonable
expectations, you know.
My grandma once told me
she thought that what
I was looking for didn't exist.
- Ouch.
- Yeah.
- Well, you shouldn't
settle, Andi.
- I think we all have
to settle, honestly.
Guys are just inherently
disappointing.
- Ugh. Maybe you're right.
Even Sally settled
a little for Harry.
(Andi laughing)
- What about you? Are you
settling with your dude?
- He's the worst.
- This is a major scandal.
This is a scandal the likes
of which nobody's ever seen.
This is actually the
biggest political scandal
in the history of our country.
- Ma?
- In here!
- I love what you're
doing with the place.
The kitchen looks
like shit but ...
- [Mother] I heard that.
- I'm gonna clean
up a little bit.
- Leave my kitchen alone
and bring me a quarter.
(Donald Trump speaking on TV)
- Come here.
Hi, Ma.
- Where's your mask?
- Don't start that now again.
- Fauci says we
should wear a mask.
- Fauci's a fucking idiot.
- Mouth.
- Sorry, ma'am.
- In the jar.
- Mom, you know I can't
afford your jar right now.
I aint working.
- Well you could, if
you would stop cussing.
You get that from your father.
He was a sailor, and
they're supposed to curse.
- And they don't curse
in the Army, huh?
- And you were in the Army
for what, about five minutes?
Did you get my Ding Dongs?
- Shouldn't be eating
that stuff, Ma.
- Did you get them?
- Yes.
- Bring me one.
(soft music)
- Daddy's birthday's coming up.
How old would he have been?
- 67. He could finally retire,
if he could ever hold a job.
- Come on, Ma.
- How you doing
with your drinking?
- Oh yeah, you know,
I barely drink now.
- Yeah.
You get that from him too.
- We gonna do this every
time I come over here?
Because, you know, I could,
I could just have these
groceries delivered.
- No, no.
I'm sorry, Mason honey.
You just sit right there.
- Six feet.
- You brat.
- (laughs) Here.
- Thank you.
(Donald Trump speaking on TV)
I don't know if I can
vote for this guy again.
- What are you gonna
do, vote Democrat?
- He lies all the
time. Lies and brags.
- He's the only one
telling the truth, Ma.
- Mason, he said the corona
would be over by Easter.
- It's not his fault.
It's China's fucking fault.
- Mouth!
In the jar.
- I'm sorry, but you
talking crazy, Ma.
- I don't know.
People at church said that
Trump was sent by God,
but sometimes I wonder if
he didn't come from ...
- You still going to church?
- Of course.
- Why am I getting your
groceries every week
if you're still going to church.
- Because you are a good son.
- Oh, I see (laughs).
Ah.
(Donald Trump speaking on TV)
It could be dangerous, Ma.
You're already sick.
- Mason, I am washed
in the blood of Jesus.
That is all I need.
- Lotta people get
COVID at church, Ma.
- I didn't think you even
believed in the COVID.
- Old people die of COVID.
You, are an old people.
- Well then I guess it'll
just be God's plan, won't it?
- Oh you wanna talk
about God's plan, do you?
And then you wanna go
vote for the baby killers.
- Trump is trying to
get rid of Obamacare.
If I lose that, I can't
afford my medicines.
- Well, if you wanna
become a socialist then,
why don't you just get
your own groceries?
- Well if I was a socialist,
the government would
get me my groceries.
- Maybe they'll get
you a new son too.
- And that aint funny.
And don't joke like that, Mason.
- I'm sorry, Ma.
- You're the last
thing I got left.
- I aint going nowhere.
- Election integrity.
In Brooklyn, 25% of mail-in
ballots were ruled invalid
in June's Democrat primary.
You saw that.
- Ugh. Make him go away.
- I just hope we can.
- Biden's leading in
all the polls, right?
- Yeah, well, so was Hillary.
- Good point.
- I mean, he's totally
laying the groundwork
to try and invalidate
the election.
- Jesus.
- And these freaking Republicans
just roll over for him.
- And he even says all the
tough guys are on his side.
That's like the last dying
gasp of toxic masculinity.
- Mm-hm.
I just hope they don't
take us all down with them.
- Yeah.
- Oh, did you have
fun on your lady date?
- So much fun. She's awesome.
You know, even if nothing
else happens, it was worth
the move just to make
this good a friend.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh. What, is she
like your soulmate?
- Maybe. Chick edition.
- Well, yeah, because
I'm your soul man.
- Peepers, meow.
- Okay, gotta work.
- Are you serious?
I just got home.
- Sorry, I've got a deadline.
- You always have a deadline.
You should be happy
one of us is working.
- Truce.
- Ooh. I'll be back up
in a bit to make dinner.
- Okay, babe.
I love you.
- Mm.
(Andi sighing)
- [Donald Trump] They
can't run a simple caucus,
yet now they're trying to--
- So I called my dad for his
birthday a couple of weeks ago,
and uh, he hasn't
called me back.
Oh great, and now my
dog's leaving too.
I can't keep a man around here.
But, yeah, Dad and
I have always had
a difficult relationship.
But I keep trying.
I have visited him twice
in the last 15 years.
He has never visited me.
It just, it just sucks.
Zach says I should cut
him off completely,
but I guess he's already
done that with me.
Oh, and this is funny (laughs).
When I was growing up, my
dad was in the basement
all the time, and
now, so is my fiance.
Freud is weird, huh?
Um, if you see this,
Dad, give me a call,
for crying out loud.
Geesh.
Mysh, you wanna go for a walk?
Come on, buddy.
- [Yolanda] All
night, all night.
Look at that.
- [Don] Shut the
fuck up, Yolanda!
- [Yolanda] Showing
that lily-white ass!
She's walking that
dog every day,
every day, every damn
day walking by here.
- Hey, Aya.
- Hey, how you doing?
Why he always barking at
me? Is it because I'm Black?
- Oh my God, no.
- Mm-hm. Because guess
what, Mysh, you black too.
- No, he's just a jerk. He
barks at Zach all the time.
Shut up.
- Mm-hm.
Hey, grab my mail.
- Oh, sure.
(soft upbeat music)
(lighter clicking)
Mm, that smells good.
- Mm-hm, how you doing,
girl? Come sit down.
- Here's your mail.
- Thank you. You want some?
- Um, okay.
Oh, I don't think we should
share the same pipe, though.
- Oh. I got another pipe.
- Okay.
Can't argue with that.
- Here you go.
Be careful, though,
that there's zaza.
- Okay, okay.
- Yolanda giving you shit?
- I don't know.
It's kind of hard to
tell if she is muttering
to herself or at me.
- (laughs) Yeah, you
know I caught them
stealing my electricity.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- They use our water hose.
They keep forgetting
to turn it off.
- That was nice of y'all.
- Yeah, well, our
water bill was three
times higher last month.
- Pfft.
Yeah, you know the
guy grew up there.
He just never left
when his mama died.
- I heard that.
It's really said.
- Dangerous is what it is.
They almost burnt us both down.
- You know they hadn't even
called the fire department?
Thank God we got home in time.
- They are tough. I
could not live like that.
- Oh, hell no. Mm.
- You've been through some
shit, though. I can tell.
You and I been through some
real nigga shit, am I right?
- I mean, well, I
wouldn't use those words,
but yeah, I know what you mean.
(Aya exhaling)
- How long you say you
been living here now?
- Like a year and a half,
but I don't think the
last few months count.
- For real.
You like it?
- I love it. The vibe here
is just much better than LA.
- (laughs) You sound LA,
talking about vibes and shit.
(Andi laughing)
- That's true. I'm actually
from New York, though.
- Where at? I got
people up there.
- Oh yeah?
I grew up on Long
Island, and then I lived
in Brooklyn and Manhattan.
- Brooklyn? Where
at in Brooklyn?
- 11th Street and Third Avenue.
- When was this?
- Late '90s.
- Girl, woof, you just love
living in the hood, don't you?
- (laughs) Yeah maybe.
Me and my friends
were the worst thing
about the neighborhood, though.
No, we would have
these all-night
parties, and oh my God,
our guy friends would go
out tagging everything.
It was so bad.
- (laughs) Okay,
Jenny from the block.
(both laughing)
- How about you? How
long have you lived here?
- My whole life.
Yeah, my mama grew up here.
- Oh wow, that's cool.
- Yep.
It's a lotta history
in this neighborhood.
You know the civil rights
basically started here?
- Yeah, I read a lot
about it before we moved.
I actually feel kinda bad now.
- Why's that?
- Like maybe we weren't
respecting the history
of the neighborhood
when we moved here.
- Oh.
You protest this summer?
- No, but I wanted to.
I wanted to, but I was scared
of the virus. How about you?
- Hell no.
Fuck that shit. It aint
like nothing gonna change.
- You don't think things
are different this time?
I mean, nothing's gonna change
until this asshole is
out of office, but ...
- That don't matter.
They all the same.
- No, Aya, one side is
definitely worse than the other.
- Andi, they are all
the same, trust me.
- Oh my God, Aya, you
are breaking my heart.
- Girl, all the political
shit is bullshit.
- I am gonna make
you change your mind.
- I don't need you
walking in here
trying to be some white savior.
- Okay, you're right.
- Bad enough you
gentrify our shit.
- I know. I'm sorry.
- Gentrify Brooklyn, Atlanta.
You gentrify LA too?
- Yes. Yes, I did.
Hm.
There were just all
these signs that we
were supposed to be
here so, here we are.
- Here you are.
(soft music)
At least your dog is black.
(both laughing)
- Oh, you're a good
boy. Who's a good boy?
It's you.
Definitely you.
I've just had a
crazy talk with Aya.
- Oh yeah?
- She got me high.
- Look at you.
(Andi laughing)
- Do you think we're
jerks for moving here?
- To Atlanta?
- No, to this neighborhood.
- Why, because it's Black?
- Yes, are we
asshole gentrifiers?
- Maybe, but you love the house,
and it's a nice neighborhood.
- Except for next door.
Yolanda was saying something
about lily-white ass.
- About you?
- Do you see any other
lily-white asses around?
I just feel like we
might be intruding.
Sometimes I feel like
I'm intruding with you.
- What?
- You gonna watch the
debate with me tonight?
- I don't need to see that.
Why are you gonna watch
it? You'll just get upset.
- I can't look away.
It's like a clown car car crash.
(Andi laughing comically)
(phone pinging)
(soft music)
(phone clicking)
- I lost my dad,
when I was a kid.
(soft music)
(phones pinging)
And my brother.
To the same accident.
(phone pinging)
(soft music)
(phones pinging)
Yeah, I read that.
In some
interview with you.
(phones pinging)
(Mason chuckling)
Yeah.
- [Woman On TV] Investing in
crypto, today's hottest market.
(soft music)
(phone pinging)
(soft music)
It's your turn. You can
invest in crypto too.
What are you waiting
for? Call now.
(soft music)
(woman chattering on TV)
- Oh, yes, yes, yes!
Yes (laughs).
(upbeat music)
(phones pinging)
(Andi laughing)
He's cute.
- You talking to me?
- Nope.
No, I am not.
(Andi exhaling)
- Yes! Yes!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, woo!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Mason singing triumphantly)
Trump, Trump, Trump!
Mark!
- What the fuck
are you doing, man?
- You can suck my dick.
That's what I'm doing.
- No thanks.
- Whoa!
- Always knew you were a fag.
- I'm a fag who got a
date with Andi James.
- Are you serious?
- I sure as shit am.
- I'll be.
- There is a God.
- You better calm the fuck
down or else you're gonna
blow your load the
moment she says hello.
- I should probably
pregame, huh?
- You use your one
for the month, huh?
Huh?
- No.
- Huh?
- Fucking Muslims do that
no jerking off shit, Mark.
- Listen, it
conserves your power
and it keeps you sharp, okay?
- It makes you crazy
is what it does.
- Well you don't need any
help with that now, do you?
- Are you fucking
serious right now? Mark!
- Calm down, okay,
okay, I'm happy for you.
I am, I am. You
bang that TV chick.
You deserve it.
- Debate's tonight, right?
- Can't wait to see Donnie
kill that old fuck, huh?
(Trump and Biden chattering)
- Proud Boys, stand
back and stand by--
- Holy shit.
- Did you fucking hear
that? Oh, it's on now!
Fuck, I told you, man.
I fucking told you.
Do you know what this means?
- Yeah, I do.
- The world is ending, right?
Kinda seems like
the world is ending.
Here's the thing,
I've always felt like
this was gonna happen.
And, I've always felt like,
I'm supposed to stop it.
Here's a little
background for you.
I used to do a lot of acid.
I don't recommend it, kids.
I see you.
But all my trips kinda
wound up being about the end
of the world, and
I would also think
that I was some kind of god.
Or like, a god.
And this is funny because,
I always thought if I had
a daughter I would name
her after my sister,
who passed away.
Her name was Jennifer, but
she didn't even like that name
so I thought I would
call her Genevieve,
which in French is
kind of like Jen Lives.
Which is cool, right?
And then one night, I was
outside, looking at the
sky and talking to Jen and
I see that the constellation
of Orion is flashing.
My mom saw it too. I am not
completely out of my mind.
You know, I am,
but not about that.
So then I thought I'd name
my daughter Genevieve Orion,
which I think is so beautiful.
But then I get it into my
head that I'm gonna marry
someone whose last
name starts with a D.
Okay, because then Genevieve's
initials would be G-O-D.
- Holy shit.
Mark! Mark!
- [Andi] I could be
like the mother of God.
- Mark!
- [Andi] But I'm getting
old, my fella's snipped--
- Mark!
- What?
- Check this shit out.
Man, I told you. I
fucking told you.
- What the shit?
- I'm gonna marry someone whose
last name starts with a D.
- Listen, right here.
- [Andi] Because then
Genevieve's initials
would be G-O-D.
- What the shit?
- If I'm not God, I
could be like the mother
of God or something.
- Did you see that?
- Yeah, it's fucking
blasphemy, man.
- My last name's Dennis.
We supposed to be together.
- I told you.
- Okay, buddy. Don't
invite me to the wedding.
Or, you know what, do invite me
and I'll stand up when
they ask if anyone objects.
- (laughs) You gonna
be standing already,
because you gonna
be my best man.
- (scoffs) Not for this bitch.
- You serious right now?
- Am I serious? Are
you fucking serious?
You haven't even
met this girl yet.
I'm seriously starting
to get worried about you.
- Well don't.
Good grief.
I'm gonna make this
happen, man. You'll see.
- Okay, buddy, I'll
meet you there.
- I'm meeting her tonight.
- Tonight?
Are you retarded or just stupid?
The judge called for a
fucking meeting tonight.
- Meeting's at 10. I'm
meeting her at six.
- Oh.
Guess you don't figure
on getting lucky, huh?
- She aint like that.
- You don't know her! You
don't know what she's like.
You get that?
- I just know.
- Jesus (chuckles).
(soft music)
- Andi James.
- Mason ...
I don't know your last name.
- It's Dennis, starts with a D.
- You watched my video.
- Yeah, of course.
Pretty wild, eh?
- (chuckles) It's
pretty wild, all right.
- Uh, let me get you a beer.
- Sure, you having an amber?
- Yeah, yeah, they,
they really good.
- Okay, I'll have
one of those, thanks.
(soft music)
What am I doing?
What am I doing?
(phone pinging)
- [Customer] It's
really old, though.
- Hey, excuse me, darling. Can
you get me two ambers please?
What?
- Gotta wear a mask, man.
- I'm fine. Just get
me the fucking beer.
- I don't know that. I can't
serve you without a mask.
(soft music)
Oh, he has one.
- I don't even know how to
fucking wear the thing, lady.
It's great.
Is that better, baby?
(Kara scoffing)
(soft music)
Run a tab, if you don't
mind. Thanks, darling.
- And it's not darling,
by the way, it's Kara.
- Run me a tab, Kara,
if you don't mind.
I bet you'd come to anything.
(soft music)
There you are, milady.
- Thank you. Are you a knight?
- You can't see
my shining armor?
- I can see you are
a shining charmer.
(both laughing)
- Shit, you're
funny. Good grief.
- Yeah, it's kinda my thing.
(soft music)
Mm.
I thought you
would have tattoos.
You seem like a tattoo guy.
- Yeah, I probably would be,
but I think my
Mama would kill me.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
- Are you tight with your mom?
- Yeah, real tight.
- Yeah, me too.
I think sharing loss'll do that.
- I think my mama
probably shouldn't have
married my daddy anyway.
- Why not?
- I usually save that
till the second date.
- This isn't a date, though.
- Okay.
- What? It's not.
- What is it then?
- Two friends having a beer.
- Two friends who are wildly
attracted to each other?
- (laughs) I never said
I was attracted to you.
- You don't have to.
(thumping music)
What'd your friend
say over here?
- Oh, oh my God.
- Oh, you nail that hot fan,
girl. Your friend is smart.
- Okay, she is kidding.
- I'm not.
I'm not.
- Oh my God.
- Not even close.
You got any tattoos?
- No.
I always think I wanna get
one for my sister, though.
- Oh yeah. You should.
You should.
Or you could, you
could just get my name.
- Oh, oh yeah? Where?
- Yeah, on your butt,
like a Cabbage Patch Kid.
(Andi laughing)
Or, you could wait
and just get our kids' names.
- Oh, okay.
You don't think we're getting
a little old for that?
- Oh no.
Maybe.
(thumping music)
We should probably get started.
(Mason laughing)
- You are pretty sure
of yourself, huh?
- I never been so sure about
anything in my whole damn life.
(thumping music)
- Wow.
(thumping music)
- That video you did, you know,
about being half a person?
- Yeah.
- I know what you mean.
I always felt like I
coulda been so much more,
like I was a really
good musician.
And I just, I just could
never get it together.
- Hm. What did you play?
- Guitar, sing.
- You're a front man, huh?
- Oh yeah.
- I could see that.
- I blew it, though.
I blew it.
- How?
- Drinking.
- Oh.
- Not following through
on shit, you know?
- Yeah, I know.
I don't know why it's so hard
to make the most of yourself.
- That's true.
- I'll bet you
were good, though.
I could see it in you.
- How's that?
- Just what you went through.
I think pain makes power,
and it either drives you
forward or consumes you.
- Oh, it definitely consumed me.
- Yeah, me too.
- Whew.
And then, then,
9/11 happened, and, uh,
I enlisted.
- I think that's really noble.
- No, it is what it is.
- You could still play music.
- I can't, though.
TBI, in Afghanistan.
- I don't know what that is.
- Traumatic
brain
injury.
Left me,
uh,
it left me ...
I just never could bring
myself to play anymore.
- I'm so sorry, Mason.
- Everything happens for
a reason, though, right?
- Sometimes I'm not
so sure about that.
- Well, if it ...
If it led me to
being here with you,
then I'm okay with it.
(thumping music)
(Andi exhaling)
- Mason, you are
something else (laughs).
Ah.
(soft music)
- You know when my
mom married my daddy,
her family basically
disowned her.
- Why?
- Well, you know, they
were super evangelical,
and he, he was this, he
was this atheist guy.
- Wow, how does that work?
(Mason chuckling)
- You don't believe
people who are different
can love each other?
- I think it makes things hard.
I mean, I wouldn't
wanna be with someone
who thought I was going to hell.
- Why, you don't believe in God?
- I believe, I
believe in something.
I just, I don't know, I
don't know what it is.
- That's a copout.
- Okay, maybe, maybe, but
isn't it hubris to say
you're so sure of something
when you don't have any proof?
- No, it's not
hubris, it's faith.
I mean, come on, isn't it
proof enough that our calendar
is literally divided
before and after Christ?
- That's not proof.
That's good PR.
- Oh, you are going to hell.
You are going to hell, lady.
(Andi laughing)
Whoa.
- Yeah, no, I might
be. That's true.
But it'll be for many
many other reasons.
- Why do you say that?
- I was a really bad kid.
- Me too.
- Yeah? Yay, bad kids.
- How were you bad?
- Well, lying, cheating,
stealing, drugs.
All the good stuff.
- (chuckles) You don't
do that stuff no more?
- Mm, I am morally
unimpeachable.
I mean, I still
smoke pot sometimes,
but, like, no, not
the way I used to.
It got bad.
- Oh, man.
- Why were you bad?
- I think just, you know, when
my daddy and my brother died.
I just went a little crazy.
- You said it was
an accident, right?
- Yeah.
My daddy was driving
me and my brother,
and he was drunk off his ass.
That kinda accident.
- Oh my God, you
were in the car?
- Yeah.
- Mason, that's awful.
- Yeah, it fucking sucked.
You know, my brother, he ...
He was awesome.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, he was ...
You know, I always
felt like it ...
I always felt like
it shoulda been me.
- Yeah, I've felt that
way about my sister too.
- We got lots in
common, me and you.
- Yeah, so it seems.
(soft music)
So are you still crazy?
- Oh, totally.
(both laughing)
- Yeah, yeah, me too.
(both laughing)
- My mom, she says, she
says you gotta find somebody
who matches your crazy.
- I have also said that.
- I really wanna
kiss you right now.
- Mason, I can't do that.
- Why? Why not?
Because of COVID or your fiance?
(Andi laughing)
- Both.
- But they's
something here, Andi.
There is something here.
I know you feel it.
(soft music)
- I mean, yeah, maybe, but we
don't really know each other.
You know, I have been distracted
by the shiny new thing
before, and, it never works.
- Until it does.
- I should go.
- Okay.
Let me, let me walk
you to your car.
- No, no, you shouldn't.
- Why not?
- Because I don't wanna be
tempted to kiss you goodnight.
(soft music)
- But you're tempted, though.
You're tempted.
- All right.
- She's tempted.
- Good night, Mason.
- Good night.
- I had fun.
- Me too.
(soft music)
- [Judge] And now
they want us to--
- Is it on?
- Sh.
- Treat minorities as equals.
They want us to
let whatever vermin
that wants to come
into the country.
They want us to call
men in dresses she
or her, or whatever the fuck.
No fucking way.
Since the beginning of
time, the white man has been
in charge on this Earth,
and Donald J. Trump was sent
by God Himself to make
sure it stays that way.
Now he needs us.
The deep state is
trying to take him down,
and we're not gonna
let that happen.
We're the ones with the weapons,
and we're the ones that
know how to use them.
Get ready, brothers.
This is what we've
been waiting for.
Stay tuned.
- Fuck yes. It's about time.
- Wow, is he really a judge?
- Yes, some circuit
or something.
He's a friend of my
dad's, such a badass.
- Huh. Yeah.
- What's your problem now?
Wait, you scared?
- No, Mark, I aint scared.
- You are, aren't you?
You're a secret
snowflake, aren't you?
Is Mason scared? Does
Mason's pussy hurt, huh?
- Shut the fuck up, Mark. Shit.
God.
- Seriously, man, what is it?
- It's just that ...
I don't think
Andi's on our side.
- So I guess your little
date went well, huh?
- Yeah.
- What the fuck's it matter?
- 'Cause, I think we're
supposed to be together.
- Oh, man, that is some
insane shit. You realize that?
- What?
You don't believe in fate?
- No. No, I fucking don't.
That is some hippie bullshit.
What, you really think
that this TV bitch
is gonna fall in love with you?
- Yeah, maybe.
- What is she, 40?
She's not married yet.
She's probably some
fucking feminazi.
Bitch should have kids by now.
- Maybe she's been
waiting for me.
(Mark sighing)
I think I've been
waiting for her.
- Whatever. You
sound like a lunatic.
- Fuck you, Mark.
- I bet she doesn't even cook.
- I can cook.
- Oh, you can cook, huh?
What, are you gonna cook for
her? You gonna clean too?
Why don't you wear
the fucking dresses
while you're at it, huh?
(Mason laughing)
- You know what? You,
you are a piece of shit.
- Well, at least I'm a
man-shaped piece of shit, Mason.
- Oh, I aint a man?
- I don't think so. You're
a fucking little bitch.
- Oh, really?
- No.
- How about that
eye right there?
I'm gonna dot it right now, bam!
- Ooh, motherfucker.
It's on. I got you
now, motherfucker.
I'm totally normal
I'm totally fine
There's nothing
different about me
- [Broadcaster] The 2020
presidential debate.
And what a debate it was.
Dan Ball said in his column,
no one alive has ever seen
a presidential debate like
the unfeeling shovefest
between President
Trump and Joe Biden.
It was an insult to the public.
- Where were you?
- Oh, I went and had a drink
with this fan that lives here.
- Was it like a date?
- No, no, I told him
it wasn't a date.
- Does he love you?
- Yeah, he wants to
put a baby in me.
- Yeah?
(Zach groaning)
Well, I could put a baby in you.
- Shut up. No, you can't.
- Well, we could pretend.
- Oh, thank God,
it's been forever.
- It's been like a week.
- Forever.
(Zach laughing)
(Andi squealing)
(upbeat music)
Come on, come on, come on
(upbeat music)
Come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on
Come on
(upbeat music)
- (distorted) Andi!
Andi!
Andi! There's someone
at the door for you.
- Well, what.
(broadcasters chattering)
- Hi, I don't mean
to bother you.
I'm Sheron from the
city of Atlanta.
I'm just letting
you know that I put
a condemnation notice next door.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, people are still
living there, right?
- Sure are.
- Ooh.
Well, yeah, so, if they're
caught on the property,
they can be arrested.
- Well I don't think
we'd feel right
calling the cops on them.
- Weren't you the one who
called about the fire?
- Yeah.
- Well, if you change your mind,
you know, safety and all that.
- Okay, thank you very
much for coming by.
- All right, cool,
see you later.
- Thank you, stay safe.
- Yeah.
(Andi sighing)
- [Zach] So that's something.
- Feel kinda bad for them.
- Yeah, me too.
- But I also feel
kind of good for us.
- Mm-hm.
(hands slapping)
(both laughing)
Why'd you say you
wouldn't call the cops?
- Zach.
- What?
- We are not gonna be the
white folks that move in
and call the cops on
our Black neighbors.
- They're not
supposed to be there.
- Maybe we're not
supposed to be here.
- I don't know why
you think that.
You've gotta let that go.
- Yeah, maybe.
(dog barking)
Oh, Mysh, she's already gone.
What are gonna do about it?
- Myshkin!
- Look, he's upset now.
I hate when you
scream like that.
- It's the only thing
that gets him to shut up.
- He is just a grumpy
old man, like you.
- Mm-hm.
- Yes you are.
- Yes you are.
- Yes you are.
- How old is he now?
- He's like 15.
I can't picture
him dying, though.
I don't think he's gonna die.
No you're not, you're
never gonna die, no no.
Mm.
So, last night was fun.
- Mm-hm.
- Can I have some more?
- Oh really?
(soft piano music)
(lips smacking)
(soft music)
If he wants to let
you know it's his
Mysh puts a little pee on it
He just takes a tiny whiz
He puts a little pee on it
- Good job, buddy.
Hi ya, Aya.
- Don't do that.
- Oh, okay (chuckles).
I feel like you're always
outside when I'm walking my dog.
- I feel like you always walking
your dog when I'm outside.
(Andi laughing)
Hey, Mysh.
- He's not barking
today. What a good boy.
- You got booty.
- What?
- You got booty.
- Shut up. Could you hear me?
- Your butt, you got booty.
- Oh my God (laughs).
That is ridiculous.
- Oh my goodness.
I guess we know
about you now, huh?
- Am I bright red?
- A little bit.
- Well, thank you, I
have been exercising,
and I'm very excited
my booty is back.
- In every way, apparently.
(Andi chuckling)
- Um, can I ask you a question?
- Maybe.
- Did you watch the
debate the other night?
Right, okay, all
right, I get that.
But Trump basically told white
supremacists to get ready.
- Get ready for what?
- I don't know, to
attack, I guess.
- And?
- And that doesn't
make you nervous?
You don't think this
neighborhood would be a target?
- Hell no. They
wouldn't come over here.
- Why not?
- Because they wouldn't
make it back out.
(Andi chuckling)
- Okay.
But if shit went down,
would Zach and I be--
- What do you think, we gonna
string you up on a lamppost
like a warning or some shit?
- Well I wouldn't blame you.
- Well we considered it.
And we decided
that, we like you.
- Are you serious?
- Girl, if you don't
get the fuck ...
Listen, you worry too much.
- Yes, that is a
thing that I do.
- You need some weed?
- I don't think that would
help with my paranoia.
- Well you need to relax.
Nobody's coming for you.
- Okay, thank you.
- Gonna have to come
through me first.
- Aya, I wanna give you a hug.
- Oh, wait until next year.
- Okay.
- Go and get some
booty with that booty.
- Oh, okay.
(Aya laughing)
Ooh.
- Don't break nothing now.
- I think I broke it. I
think it's broken now.
(phone ringing)
- Coming.
Coming, coming, coming.
Come on, bud.
(phone ringing)
I'm coming!
Hello.
- [Delaney] Hey.
- Hey, girl. What's going on?
- What's going on with you,
Miss Hot Date? How was it?
- Well you know, lots of
meaningful eye contact
and bonding over mutual trauma.
- Oh, that is hot.
- Tell me about it.
- So, are you gonna
go ahead with it?
- Well no, I'm not
gonna leave Zach.
- Ugh.
- Two broken people never works.
I may ask for a
free pass, though.
- Hit it and quit it?
- And don't you forget it.
- All right.
- How about you?
What are you doing?
- So I have an idea,
because I'm losing my mind
and I have do some
fucking thing.
- Word. What you wanna do?
- I have an idea to do
a talk show podcast?
- That sounds fun.
- You wanna be my first guest?
- Yeah, totally, what do I do?
- You just come over
to my place and--
- Oh, you want me to come over?
- Yeah, aren't we in
a pod or something?
- So, it would
literally be a podcast?
- Andi, you're a nerd.
So, I would interview you,
and then we would take
call-in questions.
- Oh neat, you can do that?
- Yeah, totally, it's easy.
- Girl, I am so old I can
barely handle turning off mute.
- Shut up. So, you'll
do it, tomorrow night?
- I don't know. I'm awfully
busy doing fuck-all.
- Right, right,
right. Okay, cool.
So, thank you (giggles).
I'll see you tomorrow.
Come over like 7:30 and
we'll get started at eight?
- Okay, fun. Thank you, hon.
- Thank you.
- Brrr.
(phone pinging)
(soft piano music)
(Mason singing)
There is
A way to do this right
And there's a way
To do this wrong
Don't think you're mine
- Fuck!
Fuck!
(soft piano music)
There's a way
- Wow
To do this right
He was really good.
(Andi exhaling)
Don't think I'm
gonna make you mine
(soft music)
- [Mom] Hi, honey.
- Hey, mama. I need help.
- Yeah?
- [Andi] I'm losing my mind.
- More than usual, you mean?
- Mm-hm, you're
cute, thanks. Yeah.
No, this is, this is much worse.
- Okay.
- I can't stop thinking
about this guy.
- [Mom] Who is he?
- [Andi] He's just this guy
that's been writing to me
for years, and we met up
for a drink and there was
so much chemistry,
my head hurts.
- Well, you're not married.
- I know.
- You should probably
not get married.
- I know.
I just wish there was a
sign of what I should do.
- Oh, you rely too
much on signs, Andi.
- Yeah, well, how else
would I make decisions?
I know staying with Zach is
the practical choice, but--
- Oh, honey, I thought your
father was the practical choice.
- Okay, good point.
But do you leave something good
for the chance at
something great?
- Well you don't have to
make a decision this second.
I think if you're ...
If you're patient,
everything's gonna work out
the way it should work out.
- Thanks, Mama.
Oh, huh, you're gonna be happy.
Someone from the city
of Atlanta came by.
They're kicking out
the people next door.
- I wish you'd move.
- Oh, stop. It's a
great neighborhood.
- You have crack
heads next door.
- You're just racist.
- What's racist about that?
There's white crack heads.
- It's a really
safe neighborhood.
We never hear
gunshots or sirens.
We used to hear that
shit all the time in LA.
- You know I worry about you.
- I know. That's your job.
- Yeah, well, could you give
me a day off now and again?
- Never.
(soft music)
- Hello, interested parties.
I will be answering questions
on my girl Delaney's
new online talk show tomorrow,
this Friday night
at 8:00 PM Eastern.
The link is in my bio,
and I will see you there.
And so will Mysh. No,
he won't, actually.
- Oh I'll definitely be there.
- Holy shit!
- What, what? What, what?
- Trump has COVID.
(both laughing)
- Oh my God (laughs).
(both laughing)
(upbeat music)
- Oh my God, I ...
Ah, I feel kinda bad
celebrating that.
- Why?
- Yeah, I don't know. That's
some karmic shit right there.
Whew.
- We're gonna have to
start believing in God.
(Andi retching)
Babe?
Babe, you okay?
(Andi vomiting)
Okay, we don't have
to believe in God.
(Andi coughing)
(Andi groaning)
(toilet flushing)
- Talk about karma.
- Maybe you have COVID too.
- I guess I should take a test.
- Or you're pregnant.
- Shut up.
My period is a
couple weeks late.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, but I'm old.
It gets further apart.
- Did you cheat on
me, with that fan guy?
- What? Babe, no, never.
- Oh my God.
I just said I was gonna
put a baby in you.
- Honey, it doesn't
happen that fast?
It would be from before.
- I mean, it does
happen sometimes,
even with a vasectomy.
- Shut up. We're
being ridiculous.
I'll take that test too, though.
(soft piano music)
- If you were ...
- We'd have to keep it, right?
- I think so.
- Ah!
(gun firing)
- Goddam, nice one.
I outranked you.
How come you're such a
better shot than I am?
- You only outranked me
because you went to college.
Can you cool it with
the God swears, Mark?
- Jesus Fucking
Christ, you big pussy.
(scoffs) You know, I
never understood why
you didn't go to college.
You're a pretty smart
guy for a fucking idiot.
- Andi didn't go to
college (fires gun).
Put that down, Mark.
That aint fucking funny.
- I swear to God I will
pull the fucking trigger
if I hear her name
one more time.
- She's doing a call-in
show tomorrow night.
You oughta watch with me.
- Why the hell would
I wanna do that?
(guns firing)
- See how cool she is.
- All right, look, Mason.
You and I, we go way back.
Your brother was my best
friend, so the way I see it,
you're like my brother.
- You fucking leveling
with me now right here?
- Yeah, I am.
Because I have not seen
you like this high school,
when you were all torn up
over that, what's her fuck?
- It aint fucking
like that, dude.
It's not fucking like Leah.
- Yeah, you know what it's like?
You almost killed yourself
over that bitch, okay.
Where is she now?
- I don't know. She's not
on social media (fires gun).
- Listen, man.
You can't give women
that much power, man.
You gotta show them who's boss.
Hm?
Cuck, cuck, Jew (fires gun).
Got it. You got any
more bullets left?
- Yeah, a couple (fires gun).
- Well, we best stock up.
Election Day's coming.
- Winter's coming, bang.
- Yeah, perfect for
hunting snowflakes.
(gun firing)
(traffic whooshing)
(phone buzzing)
- Hello, Mama.
Uh-huh, well, you're
not gonna believe it.
(Andi sighing)
(upbeat music)
- Hi, Andi.
How's it going?
(upbeat music)
(Mark laughing)
(Mark laughing)
- Dude, are you dressed
up to be on the computer?
- Yes.
- (laughs) You are such a
bitch I cannot even handle it.
- Shut the fuck up,
man. It's starting.
- Nice shirt.
- You're an asshole every
day of your life, Mark.
- Just fucking bring it on.
- Hey, kids, and welcome to
The Shit Show, Delaney's Dojo.
I'm open to new names.
I just would like to
give a warm welcome
to my first guest tonight.
I used to watch her make jokes
on Globe's Silliest Videos,
and then one day she
sat randomly next to
me in the theater.
It was magical, and
her name is Andi James!
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey, girl, what's
up? How are you?
- Oh you know, totally amazing.
- Oh, really?
- Well, no, the world
is garbage right now.
- Truly.
Really. What are you
doing to get through it?
- Drugs.
- Hm.
- I'm just kidding.
- Isn't she cute?
- Not particularly.
- But lately I've been
mostly binging cable news.
- Oh, that sounds so healthy.
- Yeah, I'm sure it is.
- What's your poison?
- Okay, I never used to get
political online because
a lot of my fans are
on the other side,
but I no longer think it's
acceptable to be silent.
I think we have to
do whatever we can
to get this man out of office.
- I fucking told you, man.
- [Delaney] So blue news.
- Oh, yeah, you know it.
It is so nice to hear people
that are smarter than you
putting your
frustrations into words.
- Yeah yeah, it's validating.
- It is.
- Yeah.
- It is.
But seriously, I honestly
think that this country
is done if he gets in again,
like possibly the whole world.
- [Delaney] I totally agree.
- She's an idiot.
It's the liberals that
are ruining the country.
- I don't know what to do.
I do not know what to do.
- You tell her off,
humiliate her ass.
- Nothing feels like
enough, you know?
I don't know what
I'm supposed to do,
but I feel like I'm
supposed to do something.
- Yeah.
Well, do y'all wanna
talk politics with us?
Or something a little
less upsetting?
Come on, get in that
room. Chat with us.
Let's go.
- Is there even
anyone out there?
- One. We have one person.
- Oh, we're popular.
- Oh, so popular.
Okay, okay, we got
Mason. You're on, Mason.
- Is this Mason D?
- How could you fucking do this?
- What?
What did I do?
- Wow, is this the Mason
from the other night?
- What did I do?
- Trump is saving this country.
And you liberals just
trash him all the time.
- Okay, buddy, yeah, time to go.
- No no, no, wait,
I wanna talk to him.
- He's in a cult. Why bother?
- No, you're the cult!
- Listen, honey, let me just--
- Hey, don't call me honey!
- Okay, okay.
- You're such fucking
sheep, all of you.
- Isn't it more sheepy
to blindly follow a man
that has told 30,000
verifiable lies in office?
That has bankrupted
seven companies,
who cheats on his
taxes and his wives.
He's a total fraud.
- It's all fake news!
- Look, Mason, I get it. I do.
You like Trump. He
makes you feel good.
He's exciting. What
is he gonna do next?
He believes the things
that you believe,
and you're allowed to
believe those things but
you can't tell us it's not okay
to believe what we believe.
That people are equal and
sometimes need a little help.
That you can get sick
and not go broke.
That people can love
who they wanna love
and be who they wanna be?
What is your problem with that?
You all hate us so
much you wanna kill us.
What are you gonna do,
like attack all the polling
places in Democrat areas?
You think that you'll
get away with that?
You think that won't escalate?
You are so against things
changing, against progress
that you are willing
to end the world.
- We don't want
the world to end.
- No, you just want women
to be subservient and forced
into giving birth and queer
people to go back in the closet
and people of color
to be subjugated.
Well, we're not doing
that anymore, okay.
That's not gonna work.
This is progress.
This is evolution.
Oh, I'm sorry. You probably
don't believe in evolution.
(Delaney laughing)
- You know what? Fuck you.
You have no idea what
it's like down here.
I mean, half of my town
is on heroin or meth.
There's no work.
You know, I, I try to
get a sanitation job,
and they had to give
it to some fucking N--
- Hey!
- No!
- Mason, Jesus Christ.
- I scored higher on the test!
You tell me how that's fair?
- Okay, Mason, I can see
how that seems unfair,
but if you take into account
years of systemic racism--
- You're not listening, to me!
You all never listen.
You just think you're so smart
and that you know everything.
Easy.
Your side.
They kill babies.
- Mason, I have had an abortion.
- What?
- And it was one of the
best choices I ever made.
- You're nothing
but a dirty whore.
- (laughs) Okay, okay,
thank you for making
my decision for me.
- To think I loved you.
- You don't even know me.
- You're just another
disgusting baby-killing slut.
- Okay, that's
enough. Thank you.
Good luck with your civil war.
- Fuck you!
- Goodbye.
- Okay, all right,
that, all right.
Whew.
Well that was nice.
Tune in next time to
Delaney's Dial-In.
See what kinda
drama ensues next.
- Oh, I like that name, yeah.
- Right? It's a good one.
- Sounds nice.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
- Ho.
- Oh my God, I'm shaking.
- Are you okay?
- Oh.
- I guess you won't
be seeing him again.
- Uh, yeah, no.
- [Mason] I need to
talk to her, Mark.
- [Mark] Why? She made
a fool outta you, Mason.
- She knows.
(Mark laughing)
She knows what we're planning.
You tell me how she knows.
- She doesn't know shit, okay?
She is talking out of her ass.
- Yeah.
I still need to talk to her.
- You are so fucking
twisted by this cunt.
I can't even
fucking talk to you.
- Hey, everybody.
Wow, I see I have a lot
of new viewers. Welcome.
I'm guessing a lot of you
saw that video of me fighting
with the Trump guy
that went viral.
And speaking of Trump
going viral, hey.
No, I mean, of course, I send
him thoughts and prayers.
But it's funny because I never
used to get political online,
but I think this
happened for a reason.
I think that I'm here,
like the whole reason I am
on this planet, is
to stop Donald Trump.
I don't know how.
I mean, do I challenge him
to a fistfight? I don't know.
So until I figure that
out, I'll just keep doing
what I'm doing and hope
that it all becomes clear.
Until then, thanks for
watching and resist, bitches.
Oh God, that was
stupid. I'm sorry.
- Hey, man. I guess you're
going to the Uprising meeting.
- Yeah, I'm going over
to Eric's to watch it.
- Can I come with?
- You are no longer welcome.
- Excuse me.
- You are a liability
to this movement.
Your face was all over the
fucking place in that video.
- Oh, you're the one
told me to go after her.
- Authorities know you now.
They're probably watching
you, for fuck sake.
- Oh, come on, Mark.
Really.
I mean, talk to them.
You've gotta let me back in.
- I don't think you can win
back that trust, honestly.
- Win back that trust? But ...
You're like my brother.
- Yeah, I don't know anymore.
I'm giving you notice.
You got till the end of
the month to get out.
- What?
Fuck you doing to me, man?
- You did this to
yourself, Mason!
Look at you!
You're a fucking mess!
Over a girl, a fucking girl!
- We're supposed to be together.
Get off me!
(dramatic music)
(gun clicking)
What are you doing?
- Put you outta your misery.
- Mark.
- You try me.
- Mark, don't you do that.
You think of Mom, man.
She needs me.
Put the fucking gun down, Mark!
- You take one more step,
I swear to God, Mason.
- Then do it then.
Just fucking do it.
- You are fucking
pathetic (spits).
- Mark, come on!
(soft dramatic music)
- Oh, I feel really gross.
- Did you take that test?
- Oh, right.
Shit.
(soft piano music)
What do I do with this?
(soft piano music)
- Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck!
(soft piano music)
- Zach!
(Andi laughing)
(soft music)
(phone buzzing)
- Hey, Ma.
- [Mother] Hello, my son.
- Wait, what are you
doing? Where are you?
Hold on. I'm pulling over.
Mom, are you in the hospital?
Why didn't you call me?
- Honey, I was lucky I
was able to call 911.
- Where are you? I'll
come, I'll come right now.
- You can't come in.
I've got COVID.
They won't let anybody in.
- Come on, Mom.
COVID's bullshit, now.
- You owe me a
quarter, young man.
- Probably just your
pneumonia acting up again.
- No, Mason.
- I told you to stop
going to church.
- At least I know my soul
was right with the Lord,
which is more than
I can say for you
and that mouth of yours.
- Stop it, Ma.
You're gonna be fine.
Stop it.
- That's why I'm calling, Mason.
They're about to
put a ventilator in.
- No. Ma, Ma, no no. Let me--
- Mason.
- No, listen.
- Listen, just let me
get there. Let me come.
Let me, tell them to wait.
- It's okay, honey.
You know I love you
more than anything,
but you're gonna be okay.
- No, Ma, don't worry about me.
- Find a nice girl, okay?
- I did, Ma. I'm on my
way to see her right now.
You're gonna love her.
You're really gonna
love her, I know it.
- Oh, that does my
heart good, Mason.
You know I love you
more than anything.
- I love you too, Ma, so much.
(soft music)
- I don't know how
to say goodbye.
- No.
Ma, we ...
We don't have to say goodbye.
You gonna be fine.
You gonna be able to hug
your grandkids someday.
- That's a nice thought.
So, I'll just say see you later.
- You're a hoot, you know.
You're a hoot.
I'll see you later,
Ma. All right?
I love you.
Ma.
Ma.
Ma.
Ma.
(soft piano music)
- [Recording] The
number you have dialed
does not accept incoming calls.
(Mason crying)
(soft music)
(Mason wailing)
- Oh God.
No!
No!
(Mason wailing)
- So things have
been really crazy.
I know you're not supposed
to talk about it this early,
but I am pregnant (laughs).
And my fiance had a vasectomy,
and I didn't cheat on him.
So, basically, there is
a little miracle
going on inside of me.
I guess I'm getting my
Genevieve Orion after all, huh?
Life is nuts. It is just nuts.
Speaking of which,
send pistachios.
It is the only thing
I wanna eat lately.
Okay, love to all y'all. Bye.
(Andi sighing)
- [Broadcaster] And
now people are dying.
This man has run our
country into the ground.
- Come on, Mysh,
it's time to go.
- [Broadcaster] It's time to go.
- Oh. Did you hear that?
Did you hear that? That's crazy.
That is crazy.
What is that about?
- [Broadcaster] And let me tell
you, it is more of the same.
I think America is
in grave danger.
- [Man On TV] Are
you tired of worrying
about your investments?
- Let's go, buddy.
(door creaking)
(soft piano music)
When we go for a walk, Mysh
puts a little pee on it
He doesn't need to talk
He just puts a
little pee on it
What the hell is this?
(dog barking)
(tires screeching)
(soft piano music)
Mason, are you
fucking kidding me?
- Andi.
(dog barking)
Hi, puppy, hi.
- Mason, what the fuck
are you doing here?
- You live here?
- Yes, I do. You should leave.
(dog barking)
- Can I just talk to you please?
- There is nothing to say.
Just go home.
- Andi, I don't have
a home. I got nothing.
I don't fucking have a home!
- Are you okay, girl?
- Uh, I don't know.
- Should I call the cops?
- Yeah, yeah, maybe.
- No please. We don't need
to involve the police, okay.
Just ...
Just let me talk to you.
- Okay, okay, fine.
What, what, what is it?
- Andi, I love you.
- Ha, I thought I was
a baby-killing whore.
- No. No.
I'm sorry about that.
I love you.
- Mason, no you don't.
- Don't tell me how I feel!
- Okay, okay, I'm
sorry. I'm sorry.
- Look, you look
scared. Scared, I know.
I know you love me too.
- No, no, I don't.
Please just don't come
any closer, please.
- Why?
Because of COVID (laughs)?
- No, because you're
fucking crazy.
- You're fucking crazy too!
- Yeah?
- Our crazy matches.
- No, no, it
doesn't. I love Zach.
- He can't give you Genevieve.
We're supposed to
have that baby.
We are.
- Mason, I am already pregnant.
(soft music)
Yes, please.
- That's supposed to be me.
(gun clicking)
- [Andi] No, please.
- That's supposed to be me!
- Please.
Please.
Please don't do it.
Please don't do it.
Please.
- That's supposed to be me.
(gun firing)
(soft music and vocalizing)
The march is over
The great destroyer
She passes through
you like a knife
(soft music and vocalizing)
- [Broadcaster] The
shooter, an obsessed fan
who argued with Miss James on
a call-in web show recently,
admitted to his role in a
nationwide white supremacist
militia called the Uprising.
The group was led by Federal
Judge Lawrence Martin,
now in custody.
FBI officials are attempting
to track down members
of the group, supporters
of President Donald Trump,
who intended to carry
out a large-scale attack
this Election Day
According to her fiance, Miss
James, who recently learned
she was pregnant, would
have only one wish.
That everyone votes.
(soft piano music)
(upbeat music)
(group shouting)
- [Man] Fuck you, police!
(upbeat music)
Someone help me out
Tell me I'll be fine
Even though
All my friends are dying
And I don't understand
Your whole life,
you grow old
You die again,
then you come back
You grow old, you die again
And the next one
Whole life, giving
up and die again
(upbeat music)
You grow old, you die again
Life is a bitch
Myshkin, you were
my best friend
And you put a
little pee on it
I can't believe
this is the end
And you put a
little pee on it