Doctor Who: The Infinite Quest (2007) Movie Script
There she is.
So small I could reach out and crush it!
Crush it! Crush it!
Quiet, Caw! This is my moment of destiny.
Moment of destiny! Moment of destiny!
Attention, armory.
Prepare plasma cannons for firing.
Commence countdown.
I'm the king of the world!
King of the world! King of the world!
Now, forget your Bonapartes,
Boadiceas, Blackbeards even.
-What?
-This, Martha Jones, this is Baltazar.
Scourge of the galaxy,
Corsair King of Triton, 40th century.
The greatest despot that ever, ever lived.
This is just, just fantastic!
It is kind of cool. The thing about Baltazar...
-Scourge of the galaxy!
-The most amazing thing about him
is he forged this ship himself.
-He didn't!
-By hand. Go on, tell her, Baltazar.
I tended her by hand over countless decades.
Burnished her
into the greatest warship in history.
Not that long ago,
blew all of Earth's defense force from the sky.
You really shouldn't have done that.
Shouldn't have done that!
Now I'm going to envelop Earth
in a field of plasma fire.
Superheat the carbonites
-who crawl across it's surface.
-Really?
Then all carbon-based life
will be compressed, making...
-Diamonds!
-Precisely. Yeah, well done.
Yes, every living being turned into diamonds.
And the plan starts in seconds.
Now, that is a plan. That is indeed a plan.
Is that not just the most incredible plan?
Incredible. But we're gonna stop him, yeah?
By giving him this.
-What?
-I like to stir things up.
Oh, shouldn't have done that.
He shouldn't have broken your spoon because?
That wasn't just any old spoon.
That spoon passed through
the hands of the greatest chefs.
Fanny, Delia, Madame Cholet.
That spoon was an antique.
Forged by the inhabitants of a planet
which specialized in ribicola.
-Fungus?
-Yes, but not just any old fungus.
No, a special hydroxiding fungus.
There's no treatment for it.
which is why, Baltazar, scourge of the galaxy...
-MARTHA: Your deck is rusting away!
-What?
No!
That's not ordinary rust.
I pepped it up. Gave it a bit of zing, va-va-voom.
-Va-va-voom! Va-va-voom!
-You can't leave him, not to the rust.
Oh, well...
Will Baltazar ever get caught?
I imagine so, his luck can't hold out forever.
So what'll happen, do you think?
The most likely prison-planet for him
would be Volag-Noc.
That's where I'd take him.
Coldest place in the galaxy.
-Brrr. Nasty.
-Yup.
-Give me a number between zero and 99.
-Forty-five.
-And another.
-Seventy-two.
-Another.
-Three. What is this, galactic lottery?
Destination setting. And you, Martha Jones,
have randomly chosen to take us to
Copacabana Beach! Arriba!
BALTAZAR: I'll get you for this, Doctor!
I'll make you sorry you were ever born!
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Yes! 670 million miles an hour, and a bit!
Rock on!
-You're just a boy racer, aren't you?
-Ha!
BOTH: Whoa!
-What was that? Emergency stop?
-Search me.
There's nothing in the manual.
(RUMBLING)
Go on, then. We've stopped.
MARTHA: I've died and gone to Bill Oddie heaven.
Bill Oddie heaven! Bill Oddie heaven!
I know you. It's Caw, isn't it?
Welcome to Pheros, Miss Martha.
It's Caw's home.
-How are you doing, Caw?
-I likes you, Miss Martha.
(SQUAWKS)
MARTHA: Oh!
That's for saving Caw's life all them years ago.
Thank you, Caw. It's really lovely.
Got some news for you, Doctor, about Baltazar.
-Let him out of Volag-Noc.
-Volag-Noc. I was right!
Yeah, great. Why'd they release him?
Say he's "reformed".
But Caw reckons he's as bad as ever he was.
He'll be coming for Caw.
Caw sold him out for a bar of gold.
-Or three.
-What do you need gold for?
-He eats it.
-He won't rest, Doctor!
He seeks his heart's desire
-and knows how to find it.
-He does?
The Infinite!
-Oh, that's just a legend.
-What is?
Baltazar think different.
Thinks he knows how to find it.
-Find what?
-The Infinite.
Yeah, I got that. But what exactly is the Infinite?
Well, let's just say there are things
out there in space, Martha,
things that pre-date our reality.
Relics from the Dark Times.
MARTHA: Oh, a fairy tale?
DOCTOR: Oh, far, far more than that.
There was a time when the universe
was much smaller than it is now.
A darker, older time of chaos.
Creatures like the Racnoss, Nestenes
and the Great Vampires
rampaged through the Void.
This Infinite is one of those
relics from the Dark Time?
It's said that if anyone were to find the Infinite,
they'd receive their heart's desire.
Frankly, that's quite a thing to receive.
Yeah, but how's Baltazar going to find it?
-CAW: That's how.
-What's that?
It's a data chip. Part of a black box recorder.
Dark Time technology.
Baltazar gave it to me for safekeeping.
Should be four of them.
You need to use each one to find the next.
Find all four, you find the Infinite.
-Are we going on a quest?
-No. The Infinite stays lost.
Nothing more than a legend.
As Last Custodian to secrets of the universe,
it's my duty to see it stays that way.
(CAWING) He mustn't! Mustn't! He's got a copy!
DOCTOR: I can't let Baltazar,
corrupt and twisted as he is,
have access to that kind of power.
Caw, you'd better be right about this.
Planet Bouken. Okay, here we go!
(WHOOSHING)
-The tracker's in place.
-Thank you, Caw.
It's really lovely.
Then the Doctor's going to find me the Infinite.
Going to find me my heart's desire.
Heart's desire! Heart's desire!
And then I'll have my revenge!
CAW: Revenge! Revenge!
Ah, Martha, see those?
-Artificial suns.
-Never!
Someone wanted the planet Bouken warmed up.
What are they?
-Oil rigs.
-Oil rigs?
They still need oil in the future?
It ran out on Earth.
The corporations went drilling elsewhere.
MARTHA: To look at them,
you'd think they were alive.
DOCTOR: You think? Run?
-What now?
-I'm open to suggestions.
Why'd you do that?
Oh, Martha, you're brilliant!
Yeah, now you're just showing off.
BOTH: Whoa!
(ALARM SOUNDING)
-Hoist the colors, Mr. Mate!
-Aye, aye, Captain!
Let OilCorp see that the Black Gold is in business!
Aye, aye, Captain!
BOTH: Pirates?
I'm Swabb, first mate aboard the Black...
-Now then, Mr. Mate, put her in reverse.
-Aye, aye, Captain!
You two might want to hold on tight.
-To the rail.
-Aye, aye, Captain.
KALIKO: Take the strain, me hearties!
SWABB: Heave, lads!
-All right, Swabb. Maximum power!
-Aye!
Well, that I didn't expect.
-Cut thrust, Mr. Mate.
-Then pull the rig in?
And siphon it, Swabb.
-Hello there, Captain...
-Captain Kaliko.
Hello. I'm the Doctor. Martha and I...
MARTHA: Why are they smashing up the rigs?
The last oil corporations
are sucking the solar system dry to feed demand.
Petrol prices have gone through the roof,
and the colonies that can't afford to pay
are dying.
Aye, and the oil companies call us pirates.
You're smashing the rigs,
siphoning off the petrol.
Robbing the rich to fuel the poor? That's brilliant!
What do you think we should do with them?
-I don't know, Captain.
-Can't hear you!
-A skeleton crew.
-Literally.
Less of a drain on rations.
Now, what I reckon is,
to land up in a place like this
you dogs are either OilCorp spies
or planning a spot of pirating yourselves.
Or, indeed, none of the above.
Either way, I don't want you on the Black Gold.
So ahoy there, me heartless hearties.
Throw these sand lovers overboard!
Hold hard there, lads!
Swabb, you swab, is this mutiny?
-Yes!
-Never, Captain Kaliko, not mutiny.
-No.
-I just wondered if they be OilCorp spies,
mayhaps we dispose of the bodies
by putting them inside one of the oil rigs? Ha ha!
Make it look like an accident.
You're not as empty-headed as you seems,
Mr. Mate.
We'll use the one we just keelhauled.
Aye, aye, Captain.
Don't worry, Doctor, Martha,
you're perfectly safe with me.
What's he up to?
I don't think our Mr. Swabb
is all he's cracked up to be.
I wonder.
Said your prayers yet, Doctor?
Sorry, let me see if I've got this right.
We somehow get inside this rig
that you've drained of oil,
and then what?
A quick blast from me mate Swabb's
laser pistol, the remaining oil ignites.
OilCorp find us dead inside, boiled in oil.
-That's murder!
-Accidents happen.
Now, me hearties, the plank.
-Careful with that!
-Uh-uh, uh-uh, me first.
I thought Swabb would have made his move.
-What move?
-He's no pirate. If he thinks we're with OilCorp,
-then my guess is...
-That he is, too?
Fingers crossed. Ready!
I like your style, Doctor. Shame you have to die.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, let us go, or I'll destroy your ship!
What, with that? No deal!
I wish you weren't so obstinate, Kaliko. Oh, well.
(CLANKING)
Why's it not working?
Patience.
Sand in the mechanism. Hang on.
-Success!
-And?
And hold on tight.
Corp dog! You're damaging the Black Gold!
We're on your side. We came here to save you.
It's all right, Martha.
The Captain's pirate days are over.
-I'm with OilCorp.
-Told you.
OilCorp have promised me a new body
to replace this bag of bones.
Same goes for you
if you'll help me turn the Captain in.
They'll never turn on me!
Oh, no.
Swabb here seems to think Martha and I
are with OilCorp, too.
-You're not?
-No.
-You're not?
-No!
We've come here to rescue you.
-Why?
-SWABB: Doesn't matter. Your time is up!
Rigs, attack!
-Lucky they're not great shots.
-Define "lucky".
No! No, more precision! Fire with more...
(SWABB SCREAMING)
Roll with it, Martha!
Doctor? Doctor?
Forget it, he's gone.
At least I can think of a good use for you.
-Oh, really?
-Yes. My five-year-service reward from OilCorp
is that I get to choose a new body soon.
And you know what?
I can see myself wearing yours.
Slinky, yeah!
We're not here to cause any trouble, right?
We're on a mission.
Got to collect these data chips,
stop this Baltazar from stealing the Infinite,
which will give him infinite power.
-That's bad 'cause he's not a nice bloke. Swabb?
-Yeah.
Behind you.
DOCTOR: Aye, aye!
-Oh, sorry.
-Doctor!
SWABB: Whoa!
(SCREAMING)
Will the vile dog live?
The sand seemed soft, probably broke his fall.
-SWABB: I'll get you for this!
-Yup, he's okay.
-You need some help with that?
-Yeah, could you? Ouch!
Doctor, you said you'd come here for me.
What exactly did you mean by that?
-Ah.
-Well?
Your earring, Captain. You know what it is really?
(CACKLING)
You're after the Infinite. You fool!
Now, I was going to offer you both a
berth on my next ship,
but seeing as you had an ulterior motive
in rescuing me...
There's only room for one in my lifeboat anyhow.
-Looks like she came down near the Tardis.
-We have to catch her.
If he gets the chip and finds the Infinite...
He gets his heart's desire.
The destruction of you, me and Earth.
Look! Oh, no.
-Surely the fall couldn't do that?
-No.
She's been murdered.
Live by the cutlass, die by the cutlass it seems.
-Doctor.
-I'm so sorry, Kaliko.
We've got what we came for.
Let's see where we're going next.
(WHOOSHING)
Hang on! There could be anything out there.
Snakes like bendy buses.
Sabre-toothed gorillas. Anything!
-Excellent!
-Right, that way is Main Street,
so that is probably downtown.
-Where's the lights?
-Lights?
MARTHA: A city should be full of lights,
especially at night.
(BUZZING)
Doctor! They're bugs!
So I see, and they're about to swarm!
-Doctor! The bugs!
-Ahhh!
Swarming all around us.
Go on! Get out of it!
What's the matter with you two?
-Doctor.
-I know.
-What are you staring at?
-Thank you for the timely arrival, Mr...
Mergrass. Ulysses Mergrass.
Good thing the bugs listen to you.
-We have an understanding.
-MARTHA: I noticed.
I'm here to provide their community,
via their queen, with protection.
-What's that?
-What they need protecting from.
(ALARM SOUNDING)
-Hang on, those are war planes.
-What do you expect in a war zone?
BOTH: A war zone?
Sonic attack incoming!
You know what? I think he's got the right idea.
DOCTOR: Martha? Martha! Look out!
-Pretty, isn't it?
-If you like that sort of thing.
Careful! Don't touch what isn't yours yet.
Breakages must still be paid for.
Besides which, they won't activate
until I give your queen this key-coder
to switch everything on.
You all right?
The towers are built from dung, not rock.
-But even so.
-Yeah, I'm fine.
It's beautiful, really beautiful.
Well said, Martha Jones.
Ah! Martha Jones, the Mantasphid Queen.
The Mantasphid Queen, ma'am, Martha Jones.
-Your Majesty?
-Spot on.
As I was saying, these alien attackers...
I hope you're not putting a business proposition.
The bidding is over. I won.
Mergrass is correct, Doctor.
We have our military adviser already,
we do not need another.
Oh, military adviser, is it?
Interesting euphemism for gun-running.
-Gun-running?
-In the crates.
They've caught a pilot!
Mergrass, they've caught a pilot!
Stand well back.
I want to see what you're fighting against.
Oh, what are you?
Crush it! Squash it! Get it away from me!
-Wait, it's...
-Trying to kill me, I know!
No, it's panicking. Doctor, it's just frightened.
Oh. Oh, oh, Martha, you are a marvel.
Calm, calm, calm. Shh, shh, shh.
Hey, I'm not going to hurt you.
(GASPING)
Thank you. Thank you so much, I...
Training didn't prepare me, I didn't...
It's all right, calm down. You're fine now.
Sorry, suit got damaged when I came down.
No air left. I thought I was gonna die.
-I don't want to die.
-Well, you didn't.
Fleshy biped!
We must be protected from fleshy bipeds.
Destroy them all!
You can destroy them, Your Majesty,
with the weapons you bought.
-What's your name, pilot?
-Pilot Kelvin.
Pilot Kelvin, what's wrong with you?
Picking a fight with a bunch of defenseless bugs.
-Eh? We didn't start it!
-Yes, they did.
The fleshy bipeds have been trying
to exterminate us. Wipe us out!
No! You don't understand.
This is Myarr, this was my home,
where I was born, brought up. We were here first!
Is this true?
This used to be a lovely place.
My parents had a homestead here.
Then the bugs arrived and drove the people out.
I only joined up once...
-Once my parents were killed.
-Killed? Why?
Why did you attack?
So many lovely animals they had here,
so much lovely dung.
You invaded this planet for dung?
It's one of the last fertile planets in the galaxy.
If it falls, there'll be a famine
like you wouldn't believe.
Your Majesty, if I may? My job here is done.
I have supplied you
with the means to destroy your enemies.
Your contract stipulates
final payment on delivery.
Did it? Guess what, Mergrass,
I lied! There will be no payment.
Mantasphids do not make deals
with fleshy bipeds.
Typical Mantasphid.
I should've listened to the others.
-What others?
-The prisoners.
There was a Mantasphid there,
tipped me off about this war.
So I decided to do the deal.
-MARTHA: You were in prison?
-Good grief, no.
I was a broker, a dealer.
I would get letters, gifts to the inmates,
and in return...
-You got well paid?
-Of course.
The Governor always said
that you could never trust a Mantasphid.
The governor of which prison was this?
Volag-Noc, perhaps?
Volag-Noc? Isn't that where Baltazar was?
You know of Baltazar?
(ALARM SOUNDING)
The fly ships, they're coming back!
Bugs, defend us! They'll destroy us all!
-We're going to die, too, unless we get out.
-Forget it.
-You can't get far enough away.
-Why not?
Because Earth Command
can't afford to lose this planet.
You see, they'll even sacrifice me.
Your Majesty, listen to me,
there might still be a way.
Ah, Doctor. This is a fleshy biped thing,
is it not? Never say die?
-Yeah, exactly!
-Fleshy bipeds are very stupid creatures.
But the fight goes on. We'll win this war yet!
MARTHA: What will they do to the city?
Well, the plan was spatial disintegration
of this hundred-mile vector.
They're going to burn us out of space and time.
Kills all known bugs, dead.
MARTHA: So we stand here
while they vaporize us?
-Mergrass, what do we do?
-You're asking me?
You are my military adviser.
You know tactics, weapons. Help us!
I'd have helped
when I thought I was getting paid.
But without this, the weapons are useless.
And without my money, you get nothing.
Mergrass? Mergrass! Come back!
We need to keep track of Mergrass.
He has the data chip we need
to continue this treasure hunt.
It is decided.
How do we surrender to the fleshy bipeds?
At last! Kelvin, have you got
a communications system?
Inside my helmet,
but it was damaged when I crashed.
We'll soon have that sorted.
Hurry! Hurry! We want to surrender!
There's no protocol for negotiation
with the Mantasphids.
-Then make one!
-I can't.
They invaded our homes, killed our families.
They are also beings that have a right to exist.
Not here, but somewhere.
MAN ON RADIO: Hive destruction
commences in 60 seconds.
-Ooh, that's not good.
-Please, Doctor. Hurry.
Doctor! If the bugs can't surrender,
surely we can, can't we?
You are brilliant!
Pilot, tell them to open up a visual channel.
Control, this is Pilot Kelvin.
Imperative you open a visual link
to this helmet's system now. Please respond.
MAN ON RADIO: Roger.
QUEEN: Hurry, Doctor!
Ahoy there, ye Earth Command nobodies!
You got Doctor Vile,
pirate of the constellations
giving you a big white flag!
Fact is, me and me mad mucker Martha here...
-Arr! Arr! Arr!
-No, don't do that.
We've been ruling over these insect raiders,
held their queenie hostage!
But we has to admit, you got us beaten.
Come on in and get us. We surrender!
-That should do it.
-What have you done, Doctor?
Taken the rap for you, Queenie. Ended your war.
-They'll never believe it.
-You reckon?
MAN ON RADIO: All units,
hive destruction canceled.
Your priority now is to apprehend male human,
codename Doctor Vile.
How can we thank you, Doctor?
Easy, work with the humans, not against them.
-Kelvin here could make a great ambassador.
-Me?
Your Majesty, the humans' farms will need power.
Light and heat are hard to come by
in an oil-starved universe.
-You're naturally phosphorescent.
-Think you can make a deal?
MARTHA: You'll get all the dung
you could ever want!
So what's next?
We skedaddle before Kelvin's mates arrive.
Good luck, everyone.
What now? Catch up with Mergrass and go?
Oh, we've found him.
MARTHA: No! No!
DOCTOR: Sudden dehydration.
-Take the data chip and go.
-We can't just leave him!
-It's like Captain Kaliko all over again!
-Isn't it just?
But, Martha, we can't stay.
We're criminals, remember?
Next data chip located. It's, uh...
-It's... Ooh.
-Where? Is it bad?
Are you wearing thermals?
Come on, you.
Where are we going? Where are we, full stop?
We've now met two people
from the prison on Volag-Noc, right?
Right, but there's no prison here.
-You were saying?
-Doctor!
I thought you'd never get here!
We're visitors. Visitors, mind!
-Oi!
-This item is confiscated.
-What?
-Scanning for malfeasance.
No convictions.
No confirmation of criminal activity.
-Well, obviously.
-Scanning.
-3,005 outstanding convictions.
-That many?
-With 6,000 more...
-Doctor!
-It's an unfair cop!
-Prison cell 8447.
(YELLING)
MARTHA: Doctor!
-The Governor will see you now.
-Oh, good. Great...I think.
Ooh, hello. You're clearly an android
and I'm your new cellmate.
(ANDROID GROANING)
-You all right?
-It hurts.
I'm the Doctor. Tell me the trouble.
-Interesting.
-You're the Governor here?
-There's been a mistake.
-We don't make mistakes on Volag-Noc.
-Safe!
-MARTHA: But my friend's been...
-Close. You were saying?
-I...
Ah, yes, your friend.
We're still collating charges,
but he's been a very naughty boy.
Minor traffic violations, 1,400 counts.
Evading library fines, 250 counts.
-Come on, that's nothing serious.
-Planetary demolition?
-How many counts?
-Seventeen. No, eighteen.
-Ouch.
-And all dating back 3,000 years?
-Well, I'm sure he had his reasons.
-Maybe so.
These charges have been extracted
from his brain.
He knows what he's guilty of.
And they've earned him,
-let's see, two billion years in prison.
-Two billion?
He really should have taken back
those library books. Hang on, there's more.
There's something here about a Doctor Vile,
wanted for piracy.
As well as his accomplice. You!
DOCTOR: So, Caw then said...
Did I mention Caw before?
Big, metal bird, eats gold.
Anyway, he told us that Baltazar
is after the Infinite,
the legendary starship with the power
to create your heart's desire.
You might know him. Nasty, used to live here.
We're having to chase around...
-Ow!
-Oh, sorry, sorry.
-Hang on. You've been inhibited.
-I have.
-You couldn't commit a crime if you tried!
-I could not.
Then you shouldn't be here at all.
I'm not having this.
-Thank you.
-Right, we'll have to dig our way out.
Don't suppose you have a teaspoon? I lost mine.
There is a more direct way. Now.
(RUMBLING)
-What was that?
-Warder, what's up with the lights?
Power fluctuation detected, Governor.
A cell has been opened from within.
-Opened? Where?
-Cell 8447.
That cell is off-limits.
Didn't your tin pet put the Doctor in 8447?
No, I gave explicit orders
no one was to be put in with the Gover...
Governor were you gonna say?
I saw the data chip in the safe.
If you're not the Governor, who are you?
Don't you get it? He's escaped.
Your friend's let him out.
We've only been here five minutes.
Nice one, Doctor.
(METALLIC CLANGING)
No.
-What's doing that?
-Locke.
Hi, Martha. You'll never guess who I'm with.
-The real Governor?
-Oh, you guessed.
Thing is, if Locke here is the Governor,
who are you?
Warder!
You don't know what you've done,
letting him out.
Hang on. Hold this for a moment.
-There's nothing on it.
-It's psychic.
And it tells me you're
Constantine Ethelred Gurney, prisoner. Ah!
"Convicted of larceny, blackmail, fraud..."
Blah, blah. "Released..." Released!
I did my time. I got let out. I broke back in.
-That's new. Why?
-GURNEY: Because of him!
Living here in luxury. He's an android.
He doesn't even need it.
But me? There are people across the 7 galaxies
who still want my head on a plate.
Putting my face on wanted posters.
"Wanted: Dead or Alive."
-Open brackets, "Preferably Dead."
-Close brackets. I get the picture.
I met this guy,
sold me a nifty program on the warders.
They saw me as Locke and Locke as me.
This guy, name of Mergrass, by any chance?
You know him! Great guy.
Anyway, I kept Locke safely locked up
until you come along.
Free at last, Gurney.
-DOCTOR: Not now, Mr. Locke. We had a deal.
-No deals.
Creatures like Gurney are beyond redemption.
Their rehabilitation is pointless. Warder.
All the prisoners in Volag-Noc
are beyond rehabilitation.
They must die.
Commencing cell sterilization on your command.
-You can't!
-Stop it now! It's not their fault.
It is the only way to cure them.
Safe!
It's the only way. It's the only way.
-Doctor, the prisoners!
-I'm on it.
How do you...
Gurney, how do we stop the killing?
I need that program
so the warders won't take Locke's orders.
No longer my problem. I'm getting out of here.
-The data chip!
-DOCTOR: Gurney!
-Stop. Stop!
-LOCKE: It's the only way.
COMPUTER: Order terminated.
Oh, yes! Skill.
Now, where's my sonic screwdriver?
Mind. You'll do yourself a damage.
-There's nowhere to run!
-Got to get away from here!
Gurney? Gurney?
Greener than a seasick kitten, aren't you?
-Take me in your ship.
-I can't fly the Tardis.
Is that so? Then you're no use to me, are...
(SQUAWKING)
-It can't be.
-What?
Revenge!
-Finally!
-Baltazar.
The final dala chip at last!
Gurney! No!
Caw!
Oh, no, you don't!
-Caw?
-Sorry, Miss Martha.
Caw's been a dirty birdie.
You were working with him all the time,
weren't you?
You sent us on this hunt
for the data chips on his orders.
I'm sorry. It's the gold, see?
-He promised me all the gold I could eat.
-Caw.
Gurney, he got me right in the fusion chamber.
-I'm done for now.
-There must be something I can do.
There's not.
Doctor, listen, we have to help him.
We have to do something, please!
Caw runs on gold fusion.
Once his reactor's burned out, that's it.
Va-va-voom.
MARTHA: Caw? Caw!
Good afternoon, Doctor.
We have some unfinished business.
Get in. Turn around. Hands in the air!
How did you find us? It's tricky to track a Tardis.
I had insider information. Have you met Squawk?
-My brooch!
-DOCTOR: Oh, no.
This little accessory has helped me track you
every step of the way.
-Fly away, birdie.
-Squawk!
-DOCTOR: An accessory to murder.
-Surely that's you, Doctor?
You needed a bit of help
collecting the data chips.
I knew my poor old cellmates,
who told me about the Infinite,
would never willingly give you theirs.
First, there was Kaliko.
Then there was Mergrass.
Now, he dried up very quickly.
And that was Gurney's. Pick it up.
This is why you needed me, isn't it?
You knew my Tardis could track data chips
from planet to planet.
I knew you would have something
that could read data chips
older than recorded history itself. Off you go.
-The Hesperus Galaxy.
-Next.
And that'll be the Ceres System.
-It's a map!
-Telling us the location of the Infinite.
Keep going.
I spy asteroid 7574 B?
-Yeah, B.
-Set your controls.
-We're going.
-This isn't a taxi!
Set the controls or Miss Martha gets skewered.
Look, Baltazar, the Infinite, it's a myth, a legend.
But even if it does exist,
even if it contains
a fraction of the power everyone claims,
it'll consume you, destroy you.
No, it'll give me my heart's desire, Doctor.
c;is
-That's the course laid in?
-Yes.
-And all you have to do is push the button?
-Well, more or less.
Then I don't need you anymore, do I?
(STUTTERING)
No! Doctor!
Martha? No! No!
Martha. Martha!
He'll be back.
He's a thousand light years away,
alone in the cold.
We won't be seeing him again for a while,
not before I get my heart's desire anyway.
-MARTHA: She's huge.
-The wreck of the Infinite.
At last.
She was smashed to bits centuries back.
Flotsam spread out over half the galaxy.
I found out on Volag-Noc
that Kaliko, Mergrass and Gurney
had all come by bits of the flight recorder.
Aw, and they wouldn't share them with you?
Not even with each other.
-I guess "X" marks the spot?
-In you go.
-You're looking for the hold.
-The hold? Won't that be...
(SCREAMING)
Down? Yup.
Diagnosis, no bones broken.
Well, that's something.
(GHOSTLY NOISES SOUNDING)
Hello? Hello?
-Hello.
-Doctor!
I knew it! I knew you'd be back!
-Wait a minute. How?
-Shh.
Girl? Girly?
Martha?
-DOCTOR: Watch out below!
-What?
Ahoy there! Meet Squawk.
All grown up now! Squawk!
(LAUGHING)
DOCTOR: We haven't quite got the hang
of landing yet!
SQUAWK: Doctor?
Out for the count, Squawk.
I thought I could rely on you at least.
Doctor says you're a bad influence,
like with me dad.
And now I have exactly what you need, gold.
Lots and lots of lovely, glittering gold.
Keep you fed for years.
(SQUAWKING)
DOCTOR: Oi!
What do I keep on telling you?
Don't listen to the villains.
That hurt.
Where is she? Where's Martha?
-But what about the treasure?
-The heart's desire.
Of course, you're not the Doctor.
My heart's desire indeed.
Now you have it.
No. No! No!
-Excuse me, that's my friend you're scaring.
-Hiya.
-Can you make him go away?
-That's up to you.
-You conjured him up.
-But how am I supposed to...
-Heart's desire.
-I don't believe I walked into this.
Gotcha! I said I don't believe this!
Oh, yes!
Oh, don't even try to find my heart's desire.
Hello, you, proper you.
(LAUGHS)
Aren't you gonna ask me how I got here?
Hear about my adventures on Volag-Noc?
How I bottle-fed Squawk with gold,
reprogrammed Locke to run a better prison?
-It's been three years.
-Three years?
Two and three-quarters.
Regained a bit by flying past light speed.
-Light speed? How?
-Gave Squawk's engine a bit of pep, bit of zing.
-Bit of...
-Va-va-voom?
-Yeah.
-I knew you'd be back.
-MARTHA: So, this is the Infinite.
-Every pirate, freebooter, treasure hunter
dreams of being the one to find this.
Their heart's desire. What did it show you?
Doesn't matter. Didn't work on me.
Whatever power this place once had
is fading away daily.
Whole ship's held together by wishes and hopes.
-There's nothing living here, is there?
-Not now.
One of the Great Old Ones was once.
It died out here alone and lost.
Screaming its rage and fury into the solitude
until its unique power dissipated.
Just left a little fading echo.
Enough to give us a glimpse
of our heart's desires.
(LAUGHING)
DOCTOR: Oh, no.
Gold! Diamonds!
Treasure, Doctor. Enough treasure
to buy me a new ship, a whole fleet.
And I can destroy you, Earth, Volag-Noc
and everything in between.
Be the scourge of the galaxy?
-Is that the best you can think of?
-It's not real.
-It's just an echo of the power.
-He's not listening, Martha.
Ship's so old and rusted,
just held together by wishful thinking.
(RUMBLING)
Come on, Captain Useless.
Sorry, full up.
There'll be another one along in a minute.
No, Doctor, you can't leave me here!
(WHOOSHING)
I know he was rotten to the core, but still.
Oh, I left him a way out.
-Squawk!
-Squawk.
Course, it'd only matter if I didn't know
exactly where Squawk was gonna drop him off.
Curse you, Doctor! Curse you!
Searching for your heart's desire, Martha,
never been all it's cracked up to be.
Now, then, Martha Jones.
-Another job for you.
-Oh, yes?
Yes. Start giving me some random numbers.
-Oh, not again.
-Come on! It'll be fun!
When have I ever let you down?
(LAUGHING)
So small I could reach out and crush it!
Crush it! Crush it!
Quiet, Caw! This is my moment of destiny.
Moment of destiny! Moment of destiny!
Attention, armory.
Prepare plasma cannons for firing.
Commence countdown.
I'm the king of the world!
King of the world! King of the world!
Now, forget your Bonapartes,
Boadiceas, Blackbeards even.
-What?
-This, Martha Jones, this is Baltazar.
Scourge of the galaxy,
Corsair King of Triton, 40th century.
The greatest despot that ever, ever lived.
This is just, just fantastic!
It is kind of cool. The thing about Baltazar...
-Scourge of the galaxy!
-The most amazing thing about him
is he forged this ship himself.
-He didn't!
-By hand. Go on, tell her, Baltazar.
I tended her by hand over countless decades.
Burnished her
into the greatest warship in history.
Not that long ago,
blew all of Earth's defense force from the sky.
You really shouldn't have done that.
Shouldn't have done that!
Now I'm going to envelop Earth
in a field of plasma fire.
Superheat the carbonites
-who crawl across it's surface.
-Really?
Then all carbon-based life
will be compressed, making...
-Diamonds!
-Precisely. Yeah, well done.
Yes, every living being turned into diamonds.
And the plan starts in seconds.
Now, that is a plan. That is indeed a plan.
Is that not just the most incredible plan?
Incredible. But we're gonna stop him, yeah?
By giving him this.
-What?
-I like to stir things up.
Oh, shouldn't have done that.
He shouldn't have broken your spoon because?
That wasn't just any old spoon.
That spoon passed through
the hands of the greatest chefs.
Fanny, Delia, Madame Cholet.
That spoon was an antique.
Forged by the inhabitants of a planet
which specialized in ribicola.
-Fungus?
-Yes, but not just any old fungus.
No, a special hydroxiding fungus.
There's no treatment for it.
which is why, Baltazar, scourge of the galaxy...
-MARTHA: Your deck is rusting away!
-What?
No!
That's not ordinary rust.
I pepped it up. Gave it a bit of zing, va-va-voom.
-Va-va-voom! Va-va-voom!
-You can't leave him, not to the rust.
Oh, well...
Will Baltazar ever get caught?
I imagine so, his luck can't hold out forever.
So what'll happen, do you think?
The most likely prison-planet for him
would be Volag-Noc.
That's where I'd take him.
Coldest place in the galaxy.
-Brrr. Nasty.
-Yup.
-Give me a number between zero and 99.
-Forty-five.
-And another.
-Seventy-two.
-Another.
-Three. What is this, galactic lottery?
Destination setting. And you, Martha Jones,
have randomly chosen to take us to
Copacabana Beach! Arriba!
BALTAZAR: I'll get you for this, Doctor!
I'll make you sorry you were ever born!
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Yes! 670 million miles an hour, and a bit!
Rock on!
-You're just a boy racer, aren't you?
-Ha!
BOTH: Whoa!
-What was that? Emergency stop?
-Search me.
There's nothing in the manual.
(RUMBLING)
Go on, then. We've stopped.
MARTHA: I've died and gone to Bill Oddie heaven.
Bill Oddie heaven! Bill Oddie heaven!
I know you. It's Caw, isn't it?
Welcome to Pheros, Miss Martha.
It's Caw's home.
-How are you doing, Caw?
-I likes you, Miss Martha.
(SQUAWKS)
MARTHA: Oh!
That's for saving Caw's life all them years ago.
Thank you, Caw. It's really lovely.
Got some news for you, Doctor, about Baltazar.
-Let him out of Volag-Noc.
-Volag-Noc. I was right!
Yeah, great. Why'd they release him?
Say he's "reformed".
But Caw reckons he's as bad as ever he was.
He'll be coming for Caw.
Caw sold him out for a bar of gold.
-Or three.
-What do you need gold for?
-He eats it.
-He won't rest, Doctor!
He seeks his heart's desire
-and knows how to find it.
-He does?
The Infinite!
-Oh, that's just a legend.
-What is?
Baltazar think different.
Thinks he knows how to find it.
-Find what?
-The Infinite.
Yeah, I got that. But what exactly is the Infinite?
Well, let's just say there are things
out there in space, Martha,
things that pre-date our reality.
Relics from the Dark Times.
MARTHA: Oh, a fairy tale?
DOCTOR: Oh, far, far more than that.
There was a time when the universe
was much smaller than it is now.
A darker, older time of chaos.
Creatures like the Racnoss, Nestenes
and the Great Vampires
rampaged through the Void.
This Infinite is one of those
relics from the Dark Time?
It's said that if anyone were to find the Infinite,
they'd receive their heart's desire.
Frankly, that's quite a thing to receive.
Yeah, but how's Baltazar going to find it?
-CAW: That's how.
-What's that?
It's a data chip. Part of a black box recorder.
Dark Time technology.
Baltazar gave it to me for safekeeping.
Should be four of them.
You need to use each one to find the next.
Find all four, you find the Infinite.
-Are we going on a quest?
-No. The Infinite stays lost.
Nothing more than a legend.
As Last Custodian to secrets of the universe,
it's my duty to see it stays that way.
(CAWING) He mustn't! Mustn't! He's got a copy!
DOCTOR: I can't let Baltazar,
corrupt and twisted as he is,
have access to that kind of power.
Caw, you'd better be right about this.
Planet Bouken. Okay, here we go!
(WHOOSHING)
-The tracker's in place.
-Thank you, Caw.
It's really lovely.
Then the Doctor's going to find me the Infinite.
Going to find me my heart's desire.
Heart's desire! Heart's desire!
And then I'll have my revenge!
CAW: Revenge! Revenge!
Ah, Martha, see those?
-Artificial suns.
-Never!
Someone wanted the planet Bouken warmed up.
What are they?
-Oil rigs.
-Oil rigs?
They still need oil in the future?
It ran out on Earth.
The corporations went drilling elsewhere.
MARTHA: To look at them,
you'd think they were alive.
DOCTOR: You think? Run?
-What now?
-I'm open to suggestions.
Why'd you do that?
Oh, Martha, you're brilliant!
Yeah, now you're just showing off.
BOTH: Whoa!
(ALARM SOUNDING)
-Hoist the colors, Mr. Mate!
-Aye, aye, Captain!
Let OilCorp see that the Black Gold is in business!
Aye, aye, Captain!
BOTH: Pirates?
I'm Swabb, first mate aboard the Black...
-Now then, Mr. Mate, put her in reverse.
-Aye, aye, Captain!
You two might want to hold on tight.
-To the rail.
-Aye, aye, Captain.
KALIKO: Take the strain, me hearties!
SWABB: Heave, lads!
-All right, Swabb. Maximum power!
-Aye!
Well, that I didn't expect.
-Cut thrust, Mr. Mate.
-Then pull the rig in?
And siphon it, Swabb.
-Hello there, Captain...
-Captain Kaliko.
Hello. I'm the Doctor. Martha and I...
MARTHA: Why are they smashing up the rigs?
The last oil corporations
are sucking the solar system dry to feed demand.
Petrol prices have gone through the roof,
and the colonies that can't afford to pay
are dying.
Aye, and the oil companies call us pirates.
You're smashing the rigs,
siphoning off the petrol.
Robbing the rich to fuel the poor? That's brilliant!
What do you think we should do with them?
-I don't know, Captain.
-Can't hear you!
-A skeleton crew.
-Literally.
Less of a drain on rations.
Now, what I reckon is,
to land up in a place like this
you dogs are either OilCorp spies
or planning a spot of pirating yourselves.
Or, indeed, none of the above.
Either way, I don't want you on the Black Gold.
So ahoy there, me heartless hearties.
Throw these sand lovers overboard!
Hold hard there, lads!
Swabb, you swab, is this mutiny?
-Yes!
-Never, Captain Kaliko, not mutiny.
-No.
-I just wondered if they be OilCorp spies,
mayhaps we dispose of the bodies
by putting them inside one of the oil rigs? Ha ha!
Make it look like an accident.
You're not as empty-headed as you seems,
Mr. Mate.
We'll use the one we just keelhauled.
Aye, aye, Captain.
Don't worry, Doctor, Martha,
you're perfectly safe with me.
What's he up to?
I don't think our Mr. Swabb
is all he's cracked up to be.
I wonder.
Said your prayers yet, Doctor?
Sorry, let me see if I've got this right.
We somehow get inside this rig
that you've drained of oil,
and then what?
A quick blast from me mate Swabb's
laser pistol, the remaining oil ignites.
OilCorp find us dead inside, boiled in oil.
-That's murder!
-Accidents happen.
Now, me hearties, the plank.
-Careful with that!
-Uh-uh, uh-uh, me first.
I thought Swabb would have made his move.
-What move?
-He's no pirate. If he thinks we're with OilCorp,
-then my guess is...
-That he is, too?
Fingers crossed. Ready!
I like your style, Doctor. Shame you have to die.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, let us go, or I'll destroy your ship!
What, with that? No deal!
I wish you weren't so obstinate, Kaliko. Oh, well.
(CLANKING)
Why's it not working?
Patience.
Sand in the mechanism. Hang on.
-Success!
-And?
And hold on tight.
Corp dog! You're damaging the Black Gold!
We're on your side. We came here to save you.
It's all right, Martha.
The Captain's pirate days are over.
-I'm with OilCorp.
-Told you.
OilCorp have promised me a new body
to replace this bag of bones.
Same goes for you
if you'll help me turn the Captain in.
They'll never turn on me!
Oh, no.
Swabb here seems to think Martha and I
are with OilCorp, too.
-You're not?
-No.
-You're not?
-No!
We've come here to rescue you.
-Why?
-SWABB: Doesn't matter. Your time is up!
Rigs, attack!
-Lucky they're not great shots.
-Define "lucky".
No! No, more precision! Fire with more...
(SWABB SCREAMING)
Roll with it, Martha!
Doctor? Doctor?
Forget it, he's gone.
At least I can think of a good use for you.
-Oh, really?
-Yes. My five-year-service reward from OilCorp
is that I get to choose a new body soon.
And you know what?
I can see myself wearing yours.
Slinky, yeah!
We're not here to cause any trouble, right?
We're on a mission.
Got to collect these data chips,
stop this Baltazar from stealing the Infinite,
which will give him infinite power.
-That's bad 'cause he's not a nice bloke. Swabb?
-Yeah.
Behind you.
DOCTOR: Aye, aye!
-Oh, sorry.
-Doctor!
SWABB: Whoa!
(SCREAMING)
Will the vile dog live?
The sand seemed soft, probably broke his fall.
-SWABB: I'll get you for this!
-Yup, he's okay.
-You need some help with that?
-Yeah, could you? Ouch!
Doctor, you said you'd come here for me.
What exactly did you mean by that?
-Ah.
-Well?
Your earring, Captain. You know what it is really?
(CACKLING)
You're after the Infinite. You fool!
Now, I was going to offer you both a
berth on my next ship,
but seeing as you had an ulterior motive
in rescuing me...
There's only room for one in my lifeboat anyhow.
-Looks like she came down near the Tardis.
-We have to catch her.
If he gets the chip and finds the Infinite...
He gets his heart's desire.
The destruction of you, me and Earth.
Look! Oh, no.
-Surely the fall couldn't do that?
-No.
She's been murdered.
Live by the cutlass, die by the cutlass it seems.
-Doctor.
-I'm so sorry, Kaliko.
We've got what we came for.
Let's see where we're going next.
(WHOOSHING)
Hang on! There could be anything out there.
Snakes like bendy buses.
Sabre-toothed gorillas. Anything!
-Excellent!
-Right, that way is Main Street,
so that is probably downtown.
-Where's the lights?
-Lights?
MARTHA: A city should be full of lights,
especially at night.
(BUZZING)
Doctor! They're bugs!
So I see, and they're about to swarm!
-Doctor! The bugs!
-Ahhh!
Swarming all around us.
Go on! Get out of it!
What's the matter with you two?
-Doctor.
-I know.
-What are you staring at?
-Thank you for the timely arrival, Mr...
Mergrass. Ulysses Mergrass.
Good thing the bugs listen to you.
-We have an understanding.
-MARTHA: I noticed.
I'm here to provide their community,
via their queen, with protection.
-What's that?
-What they need protecting from.
(ALARM SOUNDING)
-Hang on, those are war planes.
-What do you expect in a war zone?
BOTH: A war zone?
Sonic attack incoming!
You know what? I think he's got the right idea.
DOCTOR: Martha? Martha! Look out!
-Pretty, isn't it?
-If you like that sort of thing.
Careful! Don't touch what isn't yours yet.
Breakages must still be paid for.
Besides which, they won't activate
until I give your queen this key-coder
to switch everything on.
You all right?
The towers are built from dung, not rock.
-But even so.
-Yeah, I'm fine.
It's beautiful, really beautiful.
Well said, Martha Jones.
Ah! Martha Jones, the Mantasphid Queen.
The Mantasphid Queen, ma'am, Martha Jones.
-Your Majesty?
-Spot on.
As I was saying, these alien attackers...
I hope you're not putting a business proposition.
The bidding is over. I won.
Mergrass is correct, Doctor.
We have our military adviser already,
we do not need another.
Oh, military adviser, is it?
Interesting euphemism for gun-running.
-Gun-running?
-In the crates.
They've caught a pilot!
Mergrass, they've caught a pilot!
Stand well back.
I want to see what you're fighting against.
Oh, what are you?
Crush it! Squash it! Get it away from me!
-Wait, it's...
-Trying to kill me, I know!
No, it's panicking. Doctor, it's just frightened.
Oh. Oh, oh, Martha, you are a marvel.
Calm, calm, calm. Shh, shh, shh.
Hey, I'm not going to hurt you.
(GASPING)
Thank you. Thank you so much, I...
Training didn't prepare me, I didn't...
It's all right, calm down. You're fine now.
Sorry, suit got damaged when I came down.
No air left. I thought I was gonna die.
-I don't want to die.
-Well, you didn't.
Fleshy biped!
We must be protected from fleshy bipeds.
Destroy them all!
You can destroy them, Your Majesty,
with the weapons you bought.
-What's your name, pilot?
-Pilot Kelvin.
Pilot Kelvin, what's wrong with you?
Picking a fight with a bunch of defenseless bugs.
-Eh? We didn't start it!
-Yes, they did.
The fleshy bipeds have been trying
to exterminate us. Wipe us out!
No! You don't understand.
This is Myarr, this was my home,
where I was born, brought up. We were here first!
Is this true?
This used to be a lovely place.
My parents had a homestead here.
Then the bugs arrived and drove the people out.
I only joined up once...
-Once my parents were killed.
-Killed? Why?
Why did you attack?
So many lovely animals they had here,
so much lovely dung.
You invaded this planet for dung?
It's one of the last fertile planets in the galaxy.
If it falls, there'll be a famine
like you wouldn't believe.
Your Majesty, if I may? My job here is done.
I have supplied you
with the means to destroy your enemies.
Your contract stipulates
final payment on delivery.
Did it? Guess what, Mergrass,
I lied! There will be no payment.
Mantasphids do not make deals
with fleshy bipeds.
Typical Mantasphid.
I should've listened to the others.
-What others?
-The prisoners.
There was a Mantasphid there,
tipped me off about this war.
So I decided to do the deal.
-MARTHA: You were in prison?
-Good grief, no.
I was a broker, a dealer.
I would get letters, gifts to the inmates,
and in return...
-You got well paid?
-Of course.
The Governor always said
that you could never trust a Mantasphid.
The governor of which prison was this?
Volag-Noc, perhaps?
Volag-Noc? Isn't that where Baltazar was?
You know of Baltazar?
(ALARM SOUNDING)
The fly ships, they're coming back!
Bugs, defend us! They'll destroy us all!
-We're going to die, too, unless we get out.
-Forget it.
-You can't get far enough away.
-Why not?
Because Earth Command
can't afford to lose this planet.
You see, they'll even sacrifice me.
Your Majesty, listen to me,
there might still be a way.
Ah, Doctor. This is a fleshy biped thing,
is it not? Never say die?
-Yeah, exactly!
-Fleshy bipeds are very stupid creatures.
But the fight goes on. We'll win this war yet!
MARTHA: What will they do to the city?
Well, the plan was spatial disintegration
of this hundred-mile vector.
They're going to burn us out of space and time.
Kills all known bugs, dead.
MARTHA: So we stand here
while they vaporize us?
-Mergrass, what do we do?
-You're asking me?
You are my military adviser.
You know tactics, weapons. Help us!
I'd have helped
when I thought I was getting paid.
But without this, the weapons are useless.
And without my money, you get nothing.
Mergrass? Mergrass! Come back!
We need to keep track of Mergrass.
He has the data chip we need
to continue this treasure hunt.
It is decided.
How do we surrender to the fleshy bipeds?
At last! Kelvin, have you got
a communications system?
Inside my helmet,
but it was damaged when I crashed.
We'll soon have that sorted.
Hurry! Hurry! We want to surrender!
There's no protocol for negotiation
with the Mantasphids.
-Then make one!
-I can't.
They invaded our homes, killed our families.
They are also beings that have a right to exist.
Not here, but somewhere.
MAN ON RADIO: Hive destruction
commences in 60 seconds.
-Ooh, that's not good.
-Please, Doctor. Hurry.
Doctor! If the bugs can't surrender,
surely we can, can't we?
You are brilliant!
Pilot, tell them to open up a visual channel.
Control, this is Pilot Kelvin.
Imperative you open a visual link
to this helmet's system now. Please respond.
MAN ON RADIO: Roger.
QUEEN: Hurry, Doctor!
Ahoy there, ye Earth Command nobodies!
You got Doctor Vile,
pirate of the constellations
giving you a big white flag!
Fact is, me and me mad mucker Martha here...
-Arr! Arr! Arr!
-No, don't do that.
We've been ruling over these insect raiders,
held their queenie hostage!
But we has to admit, you got us beaten.
Come on in and get us. We surrender!
-That should do it.
-What have you done, Doctor?
Taken the rap for you, Queenie. Ended your war.
-They'll never believe it.
-You reckon?
MAN ON RADIO: All units,
hive destruction canceled.
Your priority now is to apprehend male human,
codename Doctor Vile.
How can we thank you, Doctor?
Easy, work with the humans, not against them.
-Kelvin here could make a great ambassador.
-Me?
Your Majesty, the humans' farms will need power.
Light and heat are hard to come by
in an oil-starved universe.
-You're naturally phosphorescent.
-Think you can make a deal?
MARTHA: You'll get all the dung
you could ever want!
So what's next?
We skedaddle before Kelvin's mates arrive.
Good luck, everyone.
What now? Catch up with Mergrass and go?
Oh, we've found him.
MARTHA: No! No!
DOCTOR: Sudden dehydration.
-Take the data chip and go.
-We can't just leave him!
-It's like Captain Kaliko all over again!
-Isn't it just?
But, Martha, we can't stay.
We're criminals, remember?
Next data chip located. It's, uh...
-It's... Ooh.
-Where? Is it bad?
Are you wearing thermals?
Come on, you.
Where are we going? Where are we, full stop?
We've now met two people
from the prison on Volag-Noc, right?
Right, but there's no prison here.
-You were saying?
-Doctor!
I thought you'd never get here!
We're visitors. Visitors, mind!
-Oi!
-This item is confiscated.
-What?
-Scanning for malfeasance.
No convictions.
No confirmation of criminal activity.
-Well, obviously.
-Scanning.
-3,005 outstanding convictions.
-That many?
-With 6,000 more...
-Doctor!
-It's an unfair cop!
-Prison cell 8447.
(YELLING)
MARTHA: Doctor!
-The Governor will see you now.
-Oh, good. Great...I think.
Ooh, hello. You're clearly an android
and I'm your new cellmate.
(ANDROID GROANING)
-You all right?
-It hurts.
I'm the Doctor. Tell me the trouble.
-Interesting.
-You're the Governor here?
-There's been a mistake.
-We don't make mistakes on Volag-Noc.
-Safe!
-MARTHA: But my friend's been...
-Close. You were saying?
-I...
Ah, yes, your friend.
We're still collating charges,
but he's been a very naughty boy.
Minor traffic violations, 1,400 counts.
Evading library fines, 250 counts.
-Come on, that's nothing serious.
-Planetary demolition?
-How many counts?
-Seventeen. No, eighteen.
-Ouch.
-And all dating back 3,000 years?
-Well, I'm sure he had his reasons.
-Maybe so.
These charges have been extracted
from his brain.
He knows what he's guilty of.
And they've earned him,
-let's see, two billion years in prison.
-Two billion?
He really should have taken back
those library books. Hang on, there's more.
There's something here about a Doctor Vile,
wanted for piracy.
As well as his accomplice. You!
DOCTOR: So, Caw then said...
Did I mention Caw before?
Big, metal bird, eats gold.
Anyway, he told us that Baltazar
is after the Infinite,
the legendary starship with the power
to create your heart's desire.
You might know him. Nasty, used to live here.
We're having to chase around...
-Ow!
-Oh, sorry, sorry.
-Hang on. You've been inhibited.
-I have.
-You couldn't commit a crime if you tried!
-I could not.
Then you shouldn't be here at all.
I'm not having this.
-Thank you.
-Right, we'll have to dig our way out.
Don't suppose you have a teaspoon? I lost mine.
There is a more direct way. Now.
(RUMBLING)
-What was that?
-Warder, what's up with the lights?
Power fluctuation detected, Governor.
A cell has been opened from within.
-Opened? Where?
-Cell 8447.
That cell is off-limits.
Didn't your tin pet put the Doctor in 8447?
No, I gave explicit orders
no one was to be put in with the Gover...
Governor were you gonna say?
I saw the data chip in the safe.
If you're not the Governor, who are you?
Don't you get it? He's escaped.
Your friend's let him out.
We've only been here five minutes.
Nice one, Doctor.
(METALLIC CLANGING)
No.
-What's doing that?
-Locke.
Hi, Martha. You'll never guess who I'm with.
-The real Governor?
-Oh, you guessed.
Thing is, if Locke here is the Governor,
who are you?
Warder!
You don't know what you've done,
letting him out.
Hang on. Hold this for a moment.
-There's nothing on it.
-It's psychic.
And it tells me you're
Constantine Ethelred Gurney, prisoner. Ah!
"Convicted of larceny, blackmail, fraud..."
Blah, blah. "Released..." Released!
I did my time. I got let out. I broke back in.
-That's new. Why?
-GURNEY: Because of him!
Living here in luxury. He's an android.
He doesn't even need it.
But me? There are people across the 7 galaxies
who still want my head on a plate.
Putting my face on wanted posters.
"Wanted: Dead or Alive."
-Open brackets, "Preferably Dead."
-Close brackets. I get the picture.
I met this guy,
sold me a nifty program on the warders.
They saw me as Locke and Locke as me.
This guy, name of Mergrass, by any chance?
You know him! Great guy.
Anyway, I kept Locke safely locked up
until you come along.
Free at last, Gurney.
-DOCTOR: Not now, Mr. Locke. We had a deal.
-No deals.
Creatures like Gurney are beyond redemption.
Their rehabilitation is pointless. Warder.
All the prisoners in Volag-Noc
are beyond rehabilitation.
They must die.
Commencing cell sterilization on your command.
-You can't!
-Stop it now! It's not their fault.
It is the only way to cure them.
Safe!
It's the only way. It's the only way.
-Doctor, the prisoners!
-I'm on it.
How do you...
Gurney, how do we stop the killing?
I need that program
so the warders won't take Locke's orders.
No longer my problem. I'm getting out of here.
-The data chip!
-DOCTOR: Gurney!
-Stop. Stop!
-LOCKE: It's the only way.
COMPUTER: Order terminated.
Oh, yes! Skill.
Now, where's my sonic screwdriver?
Mind. You'll do yourself a damage.
-There's nowhere to run!
-Got to get away from here!
Gurney? Gurney?
Greener than a seasick kitten, aren't you?
-Take me in your ship.
-I can't fly the Tardis.
Is that so? Then you're no use to me, are...
(SQUAWKING)
-It can't be.
-What?
Revenge!
-Finally!
-Baltazar.
The final dala chip at last!
Gurney! No!
Caw!
Oh, no, you don't!
-Caw?
-Sorry, Miss Martha.
Caw's been a dirty birdie.
You were working with him all the time,
weren't you?
You sent us on this hunt
for the data chips on his orders.
I'm sorry. It's the gold, see?
-He promised me all the gold I could eat.
-Caw.
Gurney, he got me right in the fusion chamber.
-I'm done for now.
-There must be something I can do.
There's not.
Doctor, listen, we have to help him.
We have to do something, please!
Caw runs on gold fusion.
Once his reactor's burned out, that's it.
Va-va-voom.
MARTHA: Caw? Caw!
Good afternoon, Doctor.
We have some unfinished business.
Get in. Turn around. Hands in the air!
How did you find us? It's tricky to track a Tardis.
I had insider information. Have you met Squawk?
-My brooch!
-DOCTOR: Oh, no.
This little accessory has helped me track you
every step of the way.
-Fly away, birdie.
-Squawk!
-DOCTOR: An accessory to murder.
-Surely that's you, Doctor?
You needed a bit of help
collecting the data chips.
I knew my poor old cellmates,
who told me about the Infinite,
would never willingly give you theirs.
First, there was Kaliko.
Then there was Mergrass.
Now, he dried up very quickly.
And that was Gurney's. Pick it up.
This is why you needed me, isn't it?
You knew my Tardis could track data chips
from planet to planet.
I knew you would have something
that could read data chips
older than recorded history itself. Off you go.
-The Hesperus Galaxy.
-Next.
And that'll be the Ceres System.
-It's a map!
-Telling us the location of the Infinite.
Keep going.
I spy asteroid 7574 B?
-Yeah, B.
-Set your controls.
-We're going.
-This isn't a taxi!
Set the controls or Miss Martha gets skewered.
Look, Baltazar, the Infinite, it's a myth, a legend.
But even if it does exist,
even if it contains
a fraction of the power everyone claims,
it'll consume you, destroy you.
No, it'll give me my heart's desire, Doctor.
c;is
-That's the course laid in?
-Yes.
-And all you have to do is push the button?
-Well, more or less.
Then I don't need you anymore, do I?
(STUTTERING)
No! Doctor!
Martha? No! No!
Martha. Martha!
He'll be back.
He's a thousand light years away,
alone in the cold.
We won't be seeing him again for a while,
not before I get my heart's desire anyway.
-MARTHA: She's huge.
-The wreck of the Infinite.
At last.
She was smashed to bits centuries back.
Flotsam spread out over half the galaxy.
I found out on Volag-Noc
that Kaliko, Mergrass and Gurney
had all come by bits of the flight recorder.
Aw, and they wouldn't share them with you?
Not even with each other.
-I guess "X" marks the spot?
-In you go.
-You're looking for the hold.
-The hold? Won't that be...
(SCREAMING)
Down? Yup.
Diagnosis, no bones broken.
Well, that's something.
(GHOSTLY NOISES SOUNDING)
Hello? Hello?
-Hello.
-Doctor!
I knew it! I knew you'd be back!
-Wait a minute. How?
-Shh.
Girl? Girly?
Martha?
-DOCTOR: Watch out below!
-What?
Ahoy there! Meet Squawk.
All grown up now! Squawk!
(LAUGHING)
DOCTOR: We haven't quite got the hang
of landing yet!
SQUAWK: Doctor?
Out for the count, Squawk.
I thought I could rely on you at least.
Doctor says you're a bad influence,
like with me dad.
And now I have exactly what you need, gold.
Lots and lots of lovely, glittering gold.
Keep you fed for years.
(SQUAWKING)
DOCTOR: Oi!
What do I keep on telling you?
Don't listen to the villains.
That hurt.
Where is she? Where's Martha?
-But what about the treasure?
-The heart's desire.
Of course, you're not the Doctor.
My heart's desire indeed.
Now you have it.
No. No! No!
-Excuse me, that's my friend you're scaring.
-Hiya.
-Can you make him go away?
-That's up to you.
-You conjured him up.
-But how am I supposed to...
-Heart's desire.
-I don't believe I walked into this.
Gotcha! I said I don't believe this!
Oh, yes!
Oh, don't even try to find my heart's desire.
Hello, you, proper you.
(LAUGHS)
Aren't you gonna ask me how I got here?
Hear about my adventures on Volag-Noc?
How I bottle-fed Squawk with gold,
reprogrammed Locke to run a better prison?
-It's been three years.
-Three years?
Two and three-quarters.
Regained a bit by flying past light speed.
-Light speed? How?
-Gave Squawk's engine a bit of pep, bit of zing.
-Bit of...
-Va-va-voom?
-Yeah.
-I knew you'd be back.
-MARTHA: So, this is the Infinite.
-Every pirate, freebooter, treasure hunter
dreams of being the one to find this.
Their heart's desire. What did it show you?
Doesn't matter. Didn't work on me.
Whatever power this place once had
is fading away daily.
Whole ship's held together by wishes and hopes.
-There's nothing living here, is there?
-Not now.
One of the Great Old Ones was once.
It died out here alone and lost.
Screaming its rage and fury into the solitude
until its unique power dissipated.
Just left a little fading echo.
Enough to give us a glimpse
of our heart's desires.
(LAUGHING)
DOCTOR: Oh, no.
Gold! Diamonds!
Treasure, Doctor. Enough treasure
to buy me a new ship, a whole fleet.
And I can destroy you, Earth, Volag-Noc
and everything in between.
Be the scourge of the galaxy?
-Is that the best you can think of?
-It's not real.
-It's just an echo of the power.
-He's not listening, Martha.
Ship's so old and rusted,
just held together by wishful thinking.
(RUMBLING)
Come on, Captain Useless.
Sorry, full up.
There'll be another one along in a minute.
No, Doctor, you can't leave me here!
(WHOOSHING)
I know he was rotten to the core, but still.
Oh, I left him a way out.
-Squawk!
-Squawk.
Course, it'd only matter if I didn't know
exactly where Squawk was gonna drop him off.
Curse you, Doctor! Curse you!
Searching for your heart's desire, Martha,
never been all it's cracked up to be.
Now, then, Martha Jones.
-Another job for you.
-Oh, yes?
Yes. Start giving me some random numbers.
-Oh, not again.
-Come on! It'll be fun!
When have I ever let you down?
(LAUGHING)