Dog Days (2018) Movie Script

ELIZABETH (ON TV): What is it about
dogs that brings us so much joy?
Is it the quiet companionship
or the scientifically-proven
health benefits?
Or maybe
it's because dogs are
the most adorable creatures
to ever roam the planet.
Whatever it is,
dogs mean the world to us.
Perhapsyou're a dog owner
like me.
- Hi, Sam.
My boyfriend and I rescued him
five years ago,
and it's the best thing
we've ever done.
So if you love your dog
as much as I do,
then you're probably
"What is my dog thinking?"
Joining us today
is professional dog therapist,
Danielle Thornhill.
It's Danielle.
- Danielle Thornh...
- Danielle.
- That's fine.
So tell us,
why do dogs need a therapist?
DANIELLE: A lot of people
don't know this,
but 35 percent of all dogs
experience self-loathing.
And what do you do to help a dog
overcome self-loathing?
I would tell you,
but then I'd have to charge you.
I wish we had more time.
Oh, I could grab a cup of cof...
So if your dog
is experiencing self-loathing
- or any other sort of emotional
crisis, -(SAM BARKS)
contact Danielle Thornhill
It's Danielle.
The summer is finally here.
Next week, we'll be kicking off
our "Summer Of Fun"
interview series.
We'll be joined by
former NFL star Jimmy Johnston.
So keep cool, LA.
And I'll see you bright
and early.
Thank you for joining us.
Good job, Ingus.
Oh, thanks.
- Okay.
- MAN: Catch you Monday.
Silver buttons
all down her back
Enjoy your weekend!
High hose tippy toes
She broke the needle
and she can't sew
- MAN: Hi, Miss Daniels.
- Hi, how have you been?
I'm just walking the dog
You are a cutie, buddy.
If you don't know
how to do it
I'll show you
how to walk the dog
I asked her mother...
She did ever jumped
the fence
I jumped so high
touched the skies
Didn't get back
'til a quarter to five
Thank you.
Okay, your drink will be
right over there at the counter.
You know, I keep telling myself
I'm not wasting my degree.
And it's not like
this is a total dead-end job.
I mean, I've already started
helping out with marketing.
Wow, that's really cool.
You know, I always thought
marketing was grocery shopping.
Like, my whole life.
I'm just walking the dog
If you don't know
how to do it
I'll show you
how to walk the dog
Walk the doggie
walk it on
RUTH: Oh, my God,
it's like with two babies
in here, I feel
like Indiana Jones.
You know, running
from that boulder,
except, the boulder
has to come out of me.
How's that gonna happen?
I'm real tired, you know?
Um, there's a dog
between my legs, isn't there?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, Charlie, I love you.
But can you just...
Okay, can you take a nap, honey?
Oh, my God.
Why does everyone wanna get...
Charlie, Charlie. Go take a nap.
Oh, God. He's been very needy.
Hm. Just like a man, right?
So that's who did this to me.
A man put two babies
inside of me.
Baby back dressed in black
High hose tippy toes
She broke the needle
and she can't sew
Walking the dog
- Large pepperoni?
- You're late.
If it's longer than 30 minutes,
isn't it free?
- Nah, I think that's from the '80s.
- Stay.
- No offense
but is your dog pregnant
or just super fat?
- Goodbye.
- Well, that's exact change.
There's no tip.
This is why
kids don't like old people.
Uh j-j-j-just
walking 'em
If you don't know
how to do it
Hey! Hey! It's almost the day.
Look at you,
decorating and rhyming.
I'm so excited,
I've had nine cups of coffee.
- I can't feel my fingers.
Oh, they didn't have this
in blue?
I was supposed
to get that in blue.
It's okay. It's fine.
I'll show you
How to walk
The dog
Hey, Peter!
I did something bad.
I'll give you a hint.
I got donuts!
Oh! Who's this?
What are you doing here,
you cutie pie?
Sam, who's your friend?
What's that in your mouth?
- Peter?
- PETER: Liz?
Come over here.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- What is this?
- Hm?
- What is this?
Oh, you got mama brain.
It's your baby shower, hon...
No. What is this
depressing song?
Oh, my God.
This is, uh,
Schindler's List soundtrack.
- I don't know why that's on.
- Okay, that's, I just... Please.
I have a whole bunch
of John Williams.
Dax was supposed
to be here to DJ.
Where is he?
It's like his only life skill.
I can't believe
he's related to you.
I'm too sexy
For my love
I'm too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
I'm too sexy for my...
I am so angry!
- Nobody loves me...
- I'm sorry.
- ...or helps me out.
- I know.
- And I am creating two humans.
- Honey,
you're making two human beings.
I'm so proud of you.
You know that.
- WOMAN: Oh!
- What?
- Oh, honey.
What the...
Just things, just things.
'Cause I'm too sexy
for this rock
All right. That was awesome.
Let's not gild the lily
and push it too hard, you know?
Let's hit that beer garden
for happy hour. Huh?
I'm feelin' sexy,
I don't...
I think I'm too sexy
to keep rehearsing.
We have an hour left
of rehearsal.
Yeah, but, Lola,
that was perfect.
You don't wanna mess
with perfection.
Perfect? Stanley was behind
the beat Again.
I was?
Did you eat one of your brownies
for breakfast?
I did.
Maybe don't eat brownies
for breakfast.
- I won't.
- DAX: Why are...
Why are we taking this
so seriously?
And you? You said
you would get us gigs, Dax.
How many gigs
have you gotten us?
DAX: It's hard to be in a band
with you when you're...
All right, my sister is
having some kind of fit.
Okay, so, uh, rehearsal over.
Just get us a gig, Dax.
TARA: I don't know. What am I
even doing with my life?
If you ever want
to switch it up,
you could always join me
on Woof Walks.
I still think it's weird
that people you've never met
hire you to walk their dogs.
I'm really good at it.
You should see my reviews.
- Wait, look at this.
- Oh, Dais, Dais, Dais, it's him.
- Oh, hello, doctor.
- Oh! Hm!
- Man, I love blue scrubs day.
- DAISY: Me, too.
TARA: He's just so hot,
I don't understand.
Sometimes I wish
I were a dog with a fever
just so he could, like,
take my temperature.
TARA: He could wear
a suit made of human hair
and still be so hot.
- He's crazy hot.
- He is crazy hot.
That is like some next-level
hot... hotness, you know,
for, like...
I've seen a lot of guys,
you know, a lot of hot guys...
- Do you need help?
- Yeah, sure.
Oh, okay, cool. Great.
- What can I get ya?
- I'll have a...
You know,
I'll just take the usual.
Sorry, it's a bad joke,
every time I've come in here,
I've ordered
something different, so...
Oh, okay.
- Uh...
- Gotcha!
I'll have a small coffee.
- One small coffee.
- One small coffee!
And we... we want it now!
Get a move on it!
Come on, we're thirsty here!
- Sorry, thought we were, like, doing that.
- Thought we were doing a thing.
- It's okay.
Um, that will be $3.75.
- I am off today.
- Oh!
Uh, keep the change.
That's for you.
- This is one dollar.
- Uh, sorry.
Um, there, that's...
Now, that's five, that's six.
Six dollars. Keep the change.
- It's...
- Okay. Okay. Thank you.
Cool. You look beau... beau...
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
- Hey, hey. It's okay.
Oh, come here.
I thought you were
a giant beige rat.
You're so skinny.
Do you like
breakfast sandwiches?
I bet you do. Come on.
It's just, blue is Amelia's
favorite color, you know?
I can return it. Easy.
I have the receipt.
No big deal.
I'll do it on the way to class.
- Oh, thank you. That'd be great.
- Yeah.
Yeah. You know what,
that's crazy.
I shouldn't make you
return it.
She'll be fine with pink.
It's fine.
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
It's fine. It's fine.
I don't mind.
I like doing it. Really.
This room is gonna be wonderful.
The dog's gonna be blue.
How many cups of coffee
was it again?
(SIGHS) It's just, we've
waited for this for so long.
- I know.
- We have come so close.
I know.
So now it's finally happening.
We're finally parents.
And I'm just so nervous.
I'm nervous, too.
I'm sure Amelia is nervous.
This is not just
another visit for her.
She's coming here to stay.
What if I'm not good at it?
At what?
Being a mom.
It's a big job.
What if I'm terrible?
What if something happens
and I don't know what to do?
There is absolutely no way
that's gonna happen.
For me, the fact
that you care this much already
makes you a good mom.
So you did it.
I love you.
I love you.
- Oh, no! Who is this?
- Hi!
- I found her yesterday.
- Aw!
I had to hide her here
'cause my dumb building
doesn't allow dogs.
Oh, that is a dumb building.
- Ugh!
- Come here.
I can't just dump her off
at some sad shelter.
Can I, girl? I can't do that.
- What shall I do?
- Um, hello!
This is the perfect excuse to
get some face-time with hot vet.
Oh, my God. Yes!
- Okay, we have to get our head in the game.
- Okay.
Do you have your make-up
with you?
Why? Do I look bad?
No! we...
we could all look better.
ELIZABETH: The break-up has
been really tough on Sam.
He's lethargic,
his appetite is down.
His bowel movements
are way off, but...
I'm sorry, should I be talking
about his bowel movements here?
This is the best place
for you to be talking
about his bowel movements.
And what about you?
I'm fine. I'm great.
I've just been...
focused on work, and, uh...
You're writing that down?
You're writing down
that I'm fine?
Or are you writing down
that I asked
if you're writing down
that I'm fine?
Yes. Look.
What Sam really needs
is to move on.
He needs to get out there
and meet some new dogs.
Sam wants to.
I-I know that he does,
but he's just too scared.
What is Sam scared of exactly?
Of abandonment.
Getting his heart broken.
Sam needs to remember
that if he protects
his heart too much,
he'll never be happy.
Sam's going to be fine.
See, Sam,
you're gonna be just fine.
That'll be $300.
Hey, you're gonna be fine, okay.
It's just a little check-up.
How do I look?
- Oh.
- Huh?
- Tara?
- Hi!
Oh, hi.
It's okay, girl.
There is no reason
to be nervous.
- Hi. Dr. Mike.
- Hey.
Oh, I know.
I-I serve you coffee
across the street...
- I'm Tara.
- Tara! Right, yeah!
- Tara who-who serves me coffee.
- That's me.
And I enjoy it every time.
H-how are you?
- It's good to see you.
- You, too.
Um, wow, by the looks
of this little lady,
she's been on the street
a long time.
Don't I relate?
To being on the street?
It was a joke.
I-I was just...
- Oh, you're not a...
- Joking.
No, you're not
a prostitute. Okay.
So she still has
her anterior fontanel.
That's a soft spot,
like babies have.
Basically, she has
a little hole in her head.
- Oh, poor thing.
- No, no, but don't worry.
Dr. Mike's got the cure,
I'm gonna take her in the back
for some X-rays on her noggin.
You stay here.
- I will be aqui.
- Yeah, great.
Aqui? What?
MIKE: The helmet
will prevent any injuries.
As we vets say,
"It only takes one pine cone."
Oh, I've never seen a helmet
- look so good before.
I wish I could keep her.
Listen, I work
with a great rescue.
If you need help
finding a home for her,
you can actually
leave her with me.
I'll make all the arrangements.
- Are you serious?
- Absolutely.
That is so nice.
- And I'm gonna miss you, girl.
I hope you find a nice home.
- I wish you could be with me.
- Aw!
Goodbyes are so tough.
And where did you come from?
Shaker Heights, Ohio.
- No.
- I'm just kidding.
I know you were complimenting
my bedside manner.
But yeah.
Shaker Heights, Ohio,
- until I was ten.
- Oh.
You don't have to worry.
They're gonna take
great care of her.
- You're amazing.
- Hey.
Some people are built
for this sort of thing
and I happen to be
one of those people.
Well, thank you.
I, uh, I hope to see you around.
I hope so, too, Tina.
Say goodbye to Tina.
Yeah, um, uh, it's Tara.
It doesn't matter.
Okay, love you. Bye.
Oh what does it take
to be lonesome?
- Nothin' at all
- Oh
What does it take
to be lonesome?
Get out of here
And leave me alone
I just want to apologize
to Ruthie about yesterday.
GREG: Okay, run away.
Whatever that thing is,
it's not your sister
anymore, okay?
Pregnancy has changed her.
- Greg, move away from the door.
- I'm not going to.
- Greg.
- She has the rage of a chimp.
- Greg.
- Please don't go in there.
I'm gonna pick you up
and move you like a baby.
No, you're not.
- Flee, flee. See...
- G-Greg...
- No, I can't.
- Greg, Greg, I don't wanna...
- Greg, I'm gonna lift you up...
- Don't lift me up.
Come on. Come on!
- Move you like a baby.
- Don't lift me up again.
Dang it! Don't pick a person up.
Do not pick a person up.
I think I'm a pretty
good sister. Right?
- I think I do a lot for you.
- Yeah.
I take care of you financially
when you need it,
which is a lot.
Look, it's not like
I missed the baby.
I just missed the shower.
Greg here, he tries his best,
he really does,
but he gets it wrong
98 percent of the time.
I'm on therapy.
He had to put some bizarre crap
on from his phone,
which put everybody
in a very weird headspace.
GREG: My taste in music
is eclectic at best
and I take
partial responsibility.
It is partially your fault.
A 100 percent partially
my fault, without a doubt.
And then, my sweet angel
of a dog, Charlie...
goes all Cujo on my gifts.
But you...
you weren't there for me.
I'm sorry.
- Are you crying?
- Yes.
This is what happens.
Charlie, please!
I can explain.
Frunk had this... had this,
like, surprise audition...
- "Frunk?" What is that?
- Frunk's my band.
Frunk? What is that?
That's not a word.
- It's not a word.
- It doesn't have to be a word.
- It's the name of a band.
- RUTH: What does it mean?
It's a typo at best.
That's the beauty of the word
is that it's...
it could be anything.
Wanna hear a great band name?
Great name.
- Goo Goo Dolls.
- Great name.
- GREG: Garth Brooks.
- That's a... that's a...
That's a man's name.
Charlie, please,
- for the love of God, stop it.
- Stop it, stop it.
Frunk is also a Greek...
If you say the word Frunk
one more time,
I swear to God...
Ruthie, you know when you,
when you do that to me,
now I have to say it.
Don't... don't say it.
Oh, my God!
- Oh! Frunk!
- Is it coming? Is it happening?
See, it actually works great.
Okay. Whew!
Are you guys, like,
not hearing what I'm saying
because of the contractions,
but my building
has a strict no-dog policy,
so I'll get evicted.
This is how you help me.
He needs a walk
in the morning...
- GREG: Watch yourself.
- RUTH: human food,
and especially no chocolate.
Greg, why did you do this to me?
I know.
Welcome home, Amelia.
This is your new home.
This is where
we're gonna live together
as a family.
- Mm-hmm.
- GRACE: Yeah.
This is the living room.
And, uh, that's the kitchen...
If you ever get scared,
we have a night light here
that puts stars on the ceiling.
It's so cool, it's got
constellations, shooting stars.
If you ever wanna cuddle,
we have all these
little friends for you.
Look at those guys.
And then we have this guy.
Oh, look at that. A blue dog!
You love blue.
So I've been told.
Well, hey,
we also have a teepee.
Oh, wow!
Do you think I can fit in there?
I bet I can fit in there.
- You think I can fit in there?
- I don't know.
Yeah. I think so.
Bear, get out of my way.
Oh, yeah.
There's so much more room in
here than it looks like, guys.
I think we should move out of
the house and into this teepee.
- Yeah.
- Yay.
Wait. Amelia, I'm lost.
- You gotta help me out here.
- Honey.
- Kurt, honey?
- Huh?
Um, let's...
Let's put that teepee down.
KURT: Yeah. All right.
Our room is just down the hall,
and the bathroom's
right next door.
And, honey,
put the teepee...
Yeah, okay.
We'll do that later.
Yeah. Uh...
And lastly,
you can call me mommy
and him daddy.
- KURT: Or whatever.
- GRACE: Uh, or...
Or you can call me Grace
and him Kurt.
- Yeah. Or me Kurt and him Grace.
- Oh, no. What? Yeah.
What? No, that, no,
that's gonna be too confusing.
You know what?
The point is
you can call us
whatever you like.
It's whatever
makes you comfortable.
Do you want a little time
to check out your room
by yourself?
- Oh, yeah.
- KURT: Yeah?
- Okay. Great. Okay.
- Okay. Yes.
Uh, I'm just gonna leave,
leave this guy, hm,
and, um, we'll be
in the next room.
- KURT: Have fun.
- It's gonna be great.
It's gonna be...
Hey, Mabel.
Hey, what's all that?
Look at you, little chubby.
You ain't so tough.
You ain't so tough.
Well, there we go.
I don't know, sweetheart.
Looks like we're gonna
have to do without.
You are so fat. We're gonna
slim and trim you up.
How far you think we can go
before we get back home, huh?
Uh, I think we can go
a little bit.
Mr. Pepperoni!
Your dog's still fat!
Wise guy.
Mabel. Mabel!
Sir, are you okay?
- It's gonna be fine.
- Mabel.
Shh. Shh. Shh.
You gotta stop barking.
I'm not allowed to have dogs
in my building,
so you cannot bark
like this, all right.
What is your damage, dog?
There better be a boy
in a well somewhere, pal,
for you to be freaking out
like this.
How am I gonna
get you up there?
Oh. Ooh!
Huh. All right.
Damn. Oh, we're caught,
we're caught!
Whoa! Ow!
Okay, gonna get you
out of here real soon.
- Okay? Uh...
- Oh, hey.
Come on in.
- I got ya.
- Okay.
You just finish a gig?
It sounds like fun.
Where was it?
Uh, north.
Oh. Uh, goodnight. Just...
Run free, dog.
Enjoy the apartment.
I will let you know
that the cleaning lady
will be here never...
because she does not exist.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No people food.
No people food.
You're gonna get me
in some serious trouble.
My sister will kill me.
Though I do appreciate
that you like Del Taco so much.
I'm not gonna help you.
If I take that bag
away from you,
you will never learn.
This is comical.
Smile, bag-face.
Dumb dog.
Watch out for that...
Oh. That hurt.
So did he move out yet?
ELIZABETH: I threw out the last
of his stuff this morning.
Someone grab me a water
for after. Thanks.
- Hi. Elizabeth Daniels.
- Oh, I know. I'm Jimmy.
- Okay. Cards.
- Yes.
MYRA: And don't be afraid
to be yourself. All right?
- Yeah. Of course.
- Look up.
- Oh, it was better before. Oh.
- What?
Ten seconds, everyone.
- Ten seconds.
- Okay. Um...
You look nervous. Don't be.
Follow my lead.
- I'll take care of you.
- MAN: And we're on in five...
- All right.
- MAN: ...four, three, two...
We have a special treat
for you, Los Angeles.
And it's a treat for me, too.
I love this guy.
Joining us in the studio today
is former LA Ram
Jimmy Johnston.
- Welcome, Jimmy. How are you?
- Hey.
ELIZABETH: It's so good
to have you here today.
Thank you for having me.
Big fan.
Let's start with your injury.
Wow. Okay.
Well, right for the jugular.
- Digging deep. Okay.
You tore your ACL
in what turned out to be
your final game in the NFL.
I have to say,
you look terrific now.
Wait. Wait a second.
Wait a second.
You think I look terrific?
Or do your cards tell you
to say that...
- Let me see your...
- Oh, uh.
Please don't touch my cards.
No offense, but maybe,
maybe you put the cards down
and then you and I, we'll
just talk. You know, right?
Like, have a conversation
like real people.
All right? All right?
- Right?
- I'm sorry. I...
You're trying to tell me
how to do my job?
I'm telling you
that I feel like
you can loosen up
a little bit.
I am plenty loose.
Uh, what if I told you
how to athlete?
How to... how to athlete?
You wouldn't feel good
about that. Would you?
I think I'd be open to that.
- You look pretty athletic.
- I am.
- You ever play sports?
- I was on the drill team.
- Drill team?
- Yes.
Not a sport. Okay.
The drill team
is for people
who tried out for the
cheerleading squad,
did not make it.
Yeah, and to all the girls out
there who are on the drill te...
Who would have
rather been cheerleaders
but settled for twirling flags.
Flags are completely different.
To all the kids out there
who are on the flags team now...
- Still not a sport.
- Yes, it is, it's...
You don't know
what you're talking about.
You've been on the air
for, like, five minutes
and you're besmirching
both the flags team
and the drills team
like a typical jock asshole.
Ooh, don't say that.
Speaking of the weather,
we will be right back
with Alexa's weekend forecast.
Are we...
Should... Now?
Great. Hey. Alexa...
That was fun. I don't think
you're supposed to say asshole.
- But that was fun.
- MAN: And we're out.
Can I get that water?
GRACE: Hey, I hope you like
smiley faces and pancakes.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Is it good?
Yup. Okay. You, uh,
you enjoy your pancakes.
Yo I'll tell you what I want
what I really really want
So tell me what you want
what you really really want
I'll tell you what I want
what I really really want
So tell me what you want
what you really really want
I wanna I wanna I wanna
Breakfast dance party.
Breakfast. Dancing.
Hey, Grace, do you know
where my charger is?
We're havin' a dance party.
We're havin' a dance party.
- At breakfast?
- Yes.
That's crazy!
What kind of family is this?
Whoo! Tell me what you want.
What do you want, Daddy?
I'll tell you what I want
what I really really want
Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy.
May I be excused?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
You gotta get
with my friends
I can remember this
from the wedding.
Friendship never ends
What are you doing?
I just got my groove going.
What is wrong with us?
Nothing's wrong with us.
- No, we're being hilarious.
- I know.
Hm. Stop it.
No. Stop it.
They're not here
so do what you want to.
Ah, you're being mean to me now.
Now you're being mean to me.
And I am letting you stay
in my house.
You have to get away from me.
Get off of me.
Okay. Okay.
It's too early.
Just go in the corner.
You have my blessing.
Okay, okay.
Come on, man.
Charlie, it's all the same.
Every spot that you've sniffed
on this entire walk is the same.
Just pick one
and then pee in it.
Ugh, what?
What is it now, pizza boy?
My name's Tyler. I...
I just came to see
how you were feeling.
Fine. Uh, totally fine.
And Mabel?
I wish I knew.
I'm really sorry.
I ought to call
that pizza place
and tell 'em
not to hire twelve-year-olds.
I was born in 2002, okay.
I'm 16 now.
I said I was sorry.
Okay. Why are you here?
I wanna help you
find your dog.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Um, Tara, right?
- Yeah.
Uh, Dr. Mike said that
you might be stopping by.
I'm Garrett,
from the coffee shop.
- Yeah, Garrett, of course.
- Yeah. The usual?
Oh, you get something
different every time.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah.
Are you a volunteer?
Oh, well, I'm a little bit more
than a volunteer.
- I sort of run New Tricks. Um...
- Oh.
I'm the director. So...
Now I feel like
I'm just being braggy.
No, no, it's awesome.
Thanks. Yeah, well, we try
and keep it nice for these guys.
You know, some of them end up
staying for a long time.
Do you wanna see Gertrude?
- TARA: Gertrude!
- GARRETT: Hi, girl!
Hi, girl. You look amazing!
- Why Gertrude?
- After Gertrude Stein.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
I love Gertrude Stein.
Yeah, no, I know,
I-I always see you reading her
at the coffee shop.
Anyway, um,
let's break her out of there.
Oh, hi.
What happens
if she doesn't get adopted?
Oh, no, no. We'll... we'll
keep her here till she does.
- Now she's a really good girl.
- TARA: Hey.
She just needs a little love.
That's my girl.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Sammy
Happy birthday to you
- Do you think I'm ridiculous?
- In what context?
Throwing a party for my dog?
No. I went to a doggie wedding
last weekend.
And it was, like,
surprisingly emotional.
I would say that bouncy house
is a little over the top.
Sam's just been so down.
I thought this party
would cheer him up.
I mean, he looks
pretty happy right now.
Whose dog is that?
Hi. Look at this.
Oh, whose dog are you?
- AMY: It's Jimmy.
- ELIZABETH: Oh, no.
What are you doing here?
- Hi.
- Jimmy.
- Hi, Jimmy.
- There she is.
It's Amy. Hi.
I don't know if you remember me.
I did your make-up last week.
Not that you need it.
Such a good face and body.
- Thank you. Uh, Elizabeth.
- Jimmy.
Almost don't recognize you
without steam coming
out your ears.
- Very funny.
- No cards in your hand.
Who's this?
It's my main squeeze Brandy
right here.
Go ahead, Brand.
- Oh.
- Ah.
- Oh, my.
- She's getting up there,
but she's still got it.
Look at them.
This is unbelievable.
You never seen dogs
play before?
ELIZABETH: Of course
I have. It's just that
Sam's been so depressed lately,
and look at him now.
Hm. Hey, what's wrong
with you, girl?
He bothering you?
Ugh, guys are just
the worst.
Finally something we agree on.
TARA: Did you always know
you wanted to do this?
GARRETT: Well, uh, my parents
fought a lot when I was a kid.
And, uh, my dog's the one
who really got me through it.
So I saved up
and three years ago,
I had enough to, uh,
to open this place.
Man, I wish my work mattered.
Your work does matter.
I sell people an over-priced,
legally addictive substance.
Or you brighten up
people's mornings.
Your work matters.
- ...for stopping by, you know.
- Yeah. Of course.
I hope you had
a good time and...
- I was gonna ask.
- Yeah.
Would it be possible to, like,
um, volunteer...
- Yes. Um...
- Yeah?
- Yes.
But if you want to,
and-and there's no pressure.
Um, but we're just glad
to have volunteers whenever,
you know, especially
when they're you.
- I am so excited.
- I'm so excited.
And I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control,
and I think I like it.
- (LAUGHING): Okay. Great.
- Okay.
- Well, bye, Gertrude.
- Say bye.
- I'll see you soon.
- Okay, but...
You can leave
your number if you want.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Do you wanna leave your number?
- Oh.
- Just in case.
- Um... just stop by.
- Um...
- Okay, great.
- Okay.
I hope to see you soon.
And, just, um...
make sure that y-y-you
take care of yourself
and, um, if you need, uh,
if you need anything,
I'm here.
This is where I work.
- I know your spot. Okay.
- Okay. Cool, cool.
- Bye.
- Gee, um...
- I lost it. It was there.
- Lost it?
- And then it went. So...
- It's okay.
Bye, Gertrude. Bye.
On a scale of one to ten,
just how... how bad was that?
Gertrude, it wasn't that bad.
ALEXA (ON TV): Hey, everybody, we
are looking at gorgeous weather
coming up just in time
for July 4th.
Really nice for a walk
out in the park
if you live near a park.
I certainly don't.
I live in a large
21-unit concrete building.
I think to myself,
"Wouldn't it be nice
to have a yard?"
It sure would.
Especially during
barbecue season.
I sure wish
I had a barbecue to go to.
Turns out, Independence Day
is truly a day of being alone.
Anyway, you can see
that the coastal region...
Look, it doesn't come from me,
it comes from upstairs,
but I can't say I disagree.
A co-host?
Why would you hire me a co-host?
I-I'm a lone wolf.
Okay, look, you are a pro.
It's just that sometimes
you can be a little uptight.
I am not uptight.
Look, I would never ask
for an employee to show up
a little drunk.
But sometimes I do get the urge
to ask you to do that.
Fine. Then get me a bottle.
Can somebody get me
a bottle of schnapps?
Nobody wants schnapps!
She's kidding.
- I'll get drunk right now.
- Listen.
I know that you are trying
to be more loose.
I mean, the other morning,
during that interview,
it's the loosest
I've ever seen you.
- It was amazing.
- Thank you.
- Wait. Which interview?
- Whoo!
Wake up, LA.
- No.
- Just came to say good morning.
- Good morning.
Look at this.
The whole team is here.
Myra, put your hands up.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Oh. She didn't know.
Our interview was a disaster.
Yes, a disaster that got
more hits than anything
from any of your shows
that we have ever posted.
See, that's the problem.
Nobody cares about
serious journalism anymore.
Serious... Is that what this is?
Serious journalism?
This tackle dummy
doesn't know anything
about hosting
a morning news show.
Whoa! "Tackle dummy?"
Now... now we're name-calling?
Look, first of all,
save that for the show.
The audience loves
you two together.
They really do,
so you are going to have
to make it work.
Very good. Thank you. Goodbye.
- Is she... is she gonna look up?
- No.
Once her eyes go down,
they don't come back up.
I mean, that's impressive.
What is that?
Oh! Oh! God! Charlie.
Just pee anywhere!
Come on, you're only there
to get more face-time
with hot vet.
Not true. He's barely here.
And when he is here, he's
checking out the dogs, not me.
Anyway, what are you up to?
I'm with a client.
You should see
his owner's house.
This place is bananas.
TARA: I can't believe
people would just let you
into their house like that.
DAISY: Walking someone's dog
is a very intimate thing.
We create a special bond.
Like, the owner
of the house I'm at,
he is my soulmate.
We have the same taste
in movies,
TV shows, bath products.
Okay, just as long
as you're not being creepy.
I'm not.
MAN: Twelve minutes
to show, everyone.
He is kind of cute, though.
- Who?
- Jimmy.
I like his shoulders...
and his legs...
and his face and his neck.
- You're into necks?
- Oh, yeah.
I love necks, they're like
the abs of the head.
- Ooh, good morning, Amy.
- Good morning, Jimmy.
You gotta make sure
I look awake, okay?
- I'll be your cup of coffee.
- Uh-oh.
Good morning, Liz.
You know, I had no idea that you
weren't consulted, by the way.
So... maybe a fresh start?
Sorry, I'm very into
this conversation.
Oh, by the way,
I meant tell you that,
uh, Brandy has been talking
non-stop about Sam.
- Yeah, it's cra-craziest thing.
- Oh, really?
Didn't even know
she could talk. Yeah.
So I figured we should probably
get them back together.
Uh, maybe, uh...
maybe Saturday.
I don't, uh...
I don't think that...
You had a big piece of lint.
What are you doing?
The lint is being stupid.
I think Sam would enjoy that.
- Yeah?
- Mm.
Well, then, it is a date.
- It's a dog date.
- It's a dog date.
Do you think she's having fun?
I don't know, it's hard to tell.
She's got a good poker face.
I think we should just
grab some of these kids
and bring them over
to play with her.
I don't think
we should grab any kids.
Not grab, like, lure.
With candy or something.
Does that...
does that sound creepy?
Yeah, it sounds super creepy.
It sounds criminal, sounds
you're talking like a criminal.
I-I just want her
to be happy.
Well, me, too.
She will. She will.
My God, where did she go?
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Honey.
- She's okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
Don't panic.
- She was right here.
- Amelia! Amelia!
Did you guys see
a-a-a little girl?
- She was, like, playing ou...
- No. I'm sorry.
Have you seen a little girl?
She has, uh, brown hair?
- Amelia!
- Amelia!
Amelia, where are you?
- I love you.
- KURT: Uh, Grace.
- GRACE: What?
- I love you...
Oh. A doggie?
Oh! Well, let me see you.
Hi, are you lost, pumpkin?
Hi. Hi.
Hi, pumpkin.
Can we keep her?
- Uh, oh.
- Oh. Uh...
TYLER: First, we plaster this
bad boy all around the city.
Then we take it
to shelters and rescues.
Come on. Hop on.
Are you out of your mind?
Oh, look.
You got a baby Transformer.
Wise guy.
Slow down.
I don't wanna get arrested
for letting
a toddler drive my car.
I have my learner's permit.
This is totally legal.
So where do you want me
to put these?
Oh, just in my backpack.
That'd be great.
Oh, pizza boy reads.
I take it this is
assigned reading.
Yeah, yeah,
for summer school.
"A man who has gone
through bitter experiences
"and travels far,
enjoys even his sufferings
after a time."
Definitely suffering
through that book.
My teacher,
Mr. Chapman, suggested
that I should get,
uh, some tutoring,
but my mom says
we don't have the money.
For many years, I was
an English professor at UCLA.
That's where I met my wife.
Oh, cool.
- Uh, she still teach there or...
- No.
She passed two years ago
this November.
Oh. I'm so sorry.
This was her car, you know.
Ah! Of course.
I didn't think you really
picked this bad boy out.
She was a great teacher.
Taught me a lot.
My dad died when I was 12.
I totally get it.
There's a lot of times I wish
he was still here, you know.
Give me advice and stuff.
Maybe, uh, I'd ask him
how to suggest to someone
that they should get a new car.
Maybe one
that's not yellow.
And I might ask him if he
taught his son to be a wise guy
or does it just
come naturally.
I could help you
with your studies.
Yeah, yeah, that'd be...
that'd be amazing,
but, uh, I don't have
the money to do that.
No, I'm not askin'
for your cash.
Perhaps, if you come
a little early,
before we go look for Mabel,
we'll see if we can help you
get it a little more.
- You sure?
- Sure.
Thank you.
Any luck?
No. You?
- Okay. Okay.
- Whoo!
- We'll take her home tonight for safekeeping.
- AMELIA: Yay!
Okay, we gotta look for...
- This is just temporary.
- GRACE: Yeah, I know. Temporary.
- KURT: That's it. Good.
- GRACE: Yeah, temp. T-E-M-P.
GRACE: Oh, honey,
she is really overweight.
KURT: Yeah, there's a lot
of her to love. Mm-hmm.
Maybe we can take her on walks?
- Oh! That's a great idea.
- Yeah, that's a great idea.
We can take her on a walk.
Do you wanna be my roommate?
What's your favorite animal?
Lions? Yeah, maybe lions.
My favorite is doggies,
of course.
What's your second
favorite animal?
I think you like zebras,
of course,
'cause they're white and black.
My third favorite,
um, let's see, bears.
I love bears.
They're my favorite.
But you're cuter than bears.
Oh. We're gonna keep this dog.
I know, I know,
I mean, after we try
- to find the owners.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Right.
You should be my best friend.
And a fry.
Yeah. Do you like IPAs?
Me, either,
but if I don't order them,
I feel like I'm not recycling
or something.
This is kind of fun, huh,
eating fries, drinking beer?
Don't tell my sister
I gave you people food, okay.
Hey, Dax. How are your wings?
Well, Kelli,
the wings were hot.
Like, seriously hot,
burned my mouth.
So why'd you name
your band Frunk?
Well, because
it can mean anything.
- Oh, dope.
- Yeah, dope.
- Okay, um...
- Oh, hello.
Charlie, Charlie.
Hi, puppy.
Charlie. Please.
- So, so...
- That's okay.
- So, so sorry.
- He's cute.
I'm watching my sister's dog.
She's in the hospital.
Well, that's so nice of you.
Well, he's family.
Oh, Charlie, Charlie. Sorry.
I'm so... No, no. I'm so sorry.
- Off...
- It's all right.
Down. Charlie, down.
Down. Yeah.
He doesn't deal well with
other people getting attention.
Charlie, come on, man.
Where were we?
- Oh, I don't remember.
- Hm.
- Charlie.
Charlie, you're gonna
get me kicked out of here.
I'm so sorry about the dog.
Yeah, just feel like maybe
now is not the right time.
Uh, we could...
we could go to your place.
I live with my boyfriend.
Sam is a completely
different dog around Brandy.
- He's just so happy.
- JIMMY: You know what they say.
Animals are a direct reflection
of their owners.
ELIZABETH: Oh, yeah. You know
what? I can totally see it.
Is Brandy desperate
to find a second career, too?
Okay, well, let me ask you.
When you get your hair done,
do you take a picture in of Sam
and go, "Do this?"
Yes, actually.
- JIMMY: Do you?
- I am flattered that you noticed.
Can you see it? Twins.
My mind is blown. I can't...
I can't tell who's who.
Uh, this is me
and Brandy's spot.
- Isn't that right, girl?
- WOMAN: Good job, Eddie.
- Honey, not so far out.
- JIMMY: Wow, so many kids out here.
ELIZABETH: All my friends
are having kids right now.
My whole family...
ask me all the time
what the hold-up is.
Yeah, what is the hold-up?
- What's wrong with you?
- Well...
- What's wrong with me?
- Mm.
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.
Nothing is wrong with me.
Just had
a cheating ex-boyfriend.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
But seriously,
what's wrong with you?
Already? You see what...
Playing ball.
You know how it is.
Never planted my feet.
Guess you could say
the most significant woman
in my life has been Brandy.
But... little more settled now.
So I think
I'll give it another try.
It's hard to compete
with a lady like Brandy.
This is still
just a dog date, right?
Yes. Still just a dog date.
Okay. Yeah.
Charlie, I know there is a good
guy deep down there somewhere,
but I can't say that I am
not excited to get my life back.
Hey, there he is.
- Oh, wow!
- Daddy.
- Hey. I'm a dad.
- Hi. How are you?
- I'm a dad...
- Yeah.
- Are... are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm grea... I've never been
happier in my whole life.
Okay, so let's get you
Purell, huh?
- I'm two peoples' dad. Ha-ha.
- Oh.
Just scary when you think
about it, but when you
don't think about it,
well, it's just the same.
It's just,
everything's the same. Sorry.
Just gotta get you
super clean.
So keep your voice
real, real super quiet.
- Okay.
- Hospital clean.
That's what she says.
Hospital clean.
And, uh, don't say anything
about her ankles, okay.
- Her ankles?
- Yeah, they're full of baby water.
I guess it's normal,
but it looks disgusting.
Let's get ready to be an uncle!
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Shh! Shh!
- Okay, I got it.
What's wrong with you? Shh.
I gotta tell you, I think
you guys' shushes are louder
than the volume
of my voice right now.
Oh, no. Let's keep looking.
- Thank you.
- Oh, of course.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, totally.
Yeah, I'll let you know
if we get any more pugs in.
- Okay, yeah. See you.
- Bye.
GARRETT: Well, I-I-I know,
I understand.
I just, I wanna do
as much as I can, I mean...
Okay. All right, thank you.
Thank you for nothing,
you terrible lawyer. I don't...
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You're there. Hi.
- I am.
What's going on?
Our landlord just sold
the building out from under us.
- He can do that?
- He just did.
Okay, so then,
we'll just find another place.
That sounds great,
but I don't have
any money to do that.
I put every single cent
that I have into this place.
Okay, so then,
we'll just raise it.
I mean,
how about a fundraiser?
Uh, we could get the food
and the drinks donated.
Raffle off prizes,
make it a real event, you know.
Oh, my God. I am totally
getting ahead of myself.
You haven't even said
you want me to help out.
I want you to help out.
Yes. Of course.
- I want you to help out.
- Okay. Good.
I am terrible
at throwing parties.
My sixteenth birthday
was at Bed Bath & Beyond, so...
- Wait, really?
- Uh, well, you know, it...
It wasn't just
a Bed Bath & Beyond. I...
We started
at Bed Bath & Beyond,
and there was
sort of like a journey.
You had your birthday party
at Bed Bath & Beyond?
Yeah, it was Bed Bath & Beyond,
and beyond was a theme.
I was, I was...
It was a phase
that I was going through
where I just...
I thought it was super fun.
It was actually,
it was actually a lot of fun.
- No, no, it's great.
- You think it's weird?
- It's great.
- Okay.
We're gonna make
this happen, okay.
- First we start with sponsors.
- Yes.
Figure we could reach out to
dog-food companies, pet stores.
And Bed Bath & Beyond.
We could try.
We could try
for Bed Bath & Beyond.
- I mean, we could even have media there.
- Yeah.
Raise some public awareness
for New Tricks.
Public awareness is
my favorite type of awareness.
TARA: Well, lucky for you,
I'm pretty good at this.
I actually know someone
at Channel 12.
On your long
You'll be shown
I'm an uncle.
Mm, yeah.
Are they both Greg's?
Of course, they're Greg's.
'Cause neither of them
look like Greg.
Oh, my God.
They're Greg's.
Did they both come out
at the same time?
- What?
- I just always wondered
if twins came out like...
Or, like, it's...
Stop doing this. Don't do that
to my face ever again.
No problem.
You'll be shown
- Ruthie?
Oh! Oh, God. Sorry.
Okay. Shh. No. Shh, shh.
Charlie, go to bed.
Go to bed.
Charlie. Uh...
Um, okay, I think
this guy wants his mom back.
I'm holding this one.
I can't hold that one, too.
I'm just gonna put it
on the table.
No. What are you
talking about?
- Set it down on the table.
- No, no, no.
- What should I do with it?
- Help me.
- Greg?
- Greg.
DAX: How can he
be sleeping through this?
No, Charlie, no. Charlie.
- Charlie. Greg, Charlie.
- RUTH: Charlie.
Charlie, get back!
Get back...
- No!
- Charlie, no!
- RUTH: No!
- DAX: Greg!
Please, all we're asking
is that you just watch him
until we don't feel like
we're completely insane.
Well, how long
is that gonna be?
I don't know long
it's gonna be, okay.
You can't give me
like a timeframe?
If I gave you one,
I would be lying.
I love you.
Love you, too.
Charlie, the dog.
And you. Obviously, both.
In the summertime
when the weather is hot
You can stretch right up
and touch the sky
When the weather's fine
You got women
you got women on your mind
Oh. Oh, pedestrian.
TYLER: Are you serious?
He's like a 100 yards away.
WALTER: Well, good thing I said
something. That was close.
Okay, so I was thinking...
we could put the bar area
- over there...
- GARRETT: Right.
...since drunk people
are generous people.
- Oh, "Show me the money."
- Oh.
- It's, uh, um, that's, uh...
- Jerry Maguire.
Yeah, I knew...
I knew that.
Um, also...
- Uh, I was thinking maybe...
- Oh.
- Hey. Hi.
- Hi. Thanks.
Um, we could put that there.
- There.
- Okay, yeah.
God, you're amazing.
Uh, I didn't mean, like...
You know, it's just that, uh...
Is that weird to say? Sorry,
it's just, I think that...
I think that you're,
you're amazing.
No, it's not weird.
It's not weird at all.
It's really sweet.
We make a really great team.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Okay, well, hey, Gertrude,
what do you think?
Do you think
we should do beer over there?
Beer and liquor?
You're a licker.
You like licking things.
Shut up. You hear me?
Shut your mouth
and go outside
or I will make you
live in here forever.
Do you understand me?
Look what you made me do.
Hmm? Look what you made me do!
You embarrassed me!
Who is putting their dog
in a onesie? That's just cruel.
Sam has a onesie.
And I'm sure
Sam looks great in it.
- I'm gonna be over there.
- I'm gonna get one for Brandy.
- Watch this.
- Oh, no. No, you won't.
Ooh, look at this.
Bella! Come here, girl.
- Hey.
- MAN: Bella? Hey.
Come here, girl.
There you are.
Come here.
- You look great.
- Eat dog food and die.
- Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
Look at this blue phallic guy.
What's wrong, grumpy?
- Oh.
I almost didn't recognize you
with clothes on.
Okay, you know what,
that's just mean.
I-I'm mean?
PETER: I moved on.
Please accept that.
You moved on while we were
still together.
You just don't want me to be
happy, that's what this is.
(LAUGHS): Of course, I don't
want you to be happy.
Look at this.
You've made Sam upset.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
Sam is fine.
You didn't even call him
on his birthday.
He is a dog. He doesn't know
what a birthday is.
ELIZABETH: Of course he knows
what a birthday is.
- He's a very smart dog.
- Not that smart.
Hey, in her defense,
some dogs are smart,
some dogs are dumb.
PETER: Okay. Yeah, well,
that's a dumb dog.
Uh, hey, there's no need
for insults.
Oh, snap. You're Jimmy Johnston.
'Sup, dude?
You do not get
to shake his hand.
- Hey, hey.
- Yeah, Jimmy is a big boy.
I think he can decide if he
wants to shake my hand or not.
Yeah, Jimmy's a big boy.
Yeah. What's your name?
- Uh, Peter... Ow.
- Yeah.
Oh, that's quite
a grip you got.
I feel like you're about
to apologize to Liz.
That... Is that...
Am I-am I wrong?
- No. Oh, God!
Think I'm wrong. I think you're
about to apologize to her.
- Are you taking a knee? Wow.
- Uh, yeah.
Wow. So polite, so polite.
Yeah, as you were saying?
I'm... sorry.
- Hmm?
- One more time?
Elizabeth, I'm sorry.
- What about Sam?
- What about... Oh, God.
Uh, sorry, Sam, about that.
And I mean, might as well,
you know, make it three.
Why don't you go for Br...
That's Brandy.
I didn't talk to...
I don't know Brandy.
Ow! Sorry, Brandy.
JIMMY: She says, "Nice
to meet you." All right, up.
- God!
- Oh.
Wow! Your hands are like
trash compactors.
You guys heading out?
- Yeah.
- Uh, yeah, we gotta...
- We definitely gotta get out.
- We're gonna go.
- PETER: It's so nice to meet you.
- JIMMY: Yeah.
- See ya, guys.
- Yeah.
It was super lovely
to see you again,
and so nice to meet you.
- Just come on, please.
- You took a picture.
- Oh, got it.
Liz, hey, a-are you okay?
I just have one rule.
No on-camera PDA.
Yes, fine, okay.
I can work with that.
I can...
I can work with that.
- Good.
- Good.
So, it starts in a E-minor.
Kinda like in a Marvin Gaye
vibe, but just, uh...
So you start, you start it
with a first line with me.
- Okay. A capella?
- Mm-hmm.
Meet me at a... whoa
Come and take
a walk with me
You could be
my whiskey casualty
A bottle on a row
And baby you and me
Are plain to see
- Marvin Gaye?
Na-na na-na-na to call
- Something like that?
- Yes. A lot.
Everything like that.
- And then, there's a chorus.
- Okay.
- Um, that's an... it's like...
- Uh...
'Cause baby you and me
Uh, where is, uh...
- Pen?
- Pen. Oh. Thanks.
Are made of gold
Better run for your love
And you say one two three
I'll be right by your side
Through the seasons
of hot and cold
Come and take
a ride with me
Come and take
a ride with me
Kissin' on your wrist
so casually
Kissin' on your wrist
so casually
Livin' out
a public fantasy
Oh you stop
in every row
When you kiss me
- Oh-oh-oh plain to see
- Plain to see
Oh, my God.
Who's my good dog?
You and me
Are the reason why hearts
Are made of gold
Better run for your love
When you say
One two three
I'll be right
by your side
Through the seasons
of hot and cold
You're the reason
hearts are made of gold
I don't want
to drag you down
There's so much
flyin' round
But I can sure use
a friend right now
And you're the best thing
- I have found
- I have found
- What? What's wrong?
- I...
Honestly, I'm just waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
Well, you're goin'
to be waiting a long time
'cause no other shoe
is gonna drop.
It's just, after
my last boyfriend...
Who needs to get his head
checked for lettin' you go.
Look, Liz, I promise you,
I'm not him.
I'll never be that guy.
Now, can we...
can we go to the car
'cause I think a seagull...
seagull got me
on my back, and, uh...
- Oh, yup. It got you.
- So, it's...
ELIZABETH: It's good luck,
though. It is good luck.
You're the reason
hearts are made of gold
Frunk yeah
I think you're
the only person
that can make that word
sound good.
ALEXA: Well, folks,
we are certainly
in the dog days
of summer right now.
Yes, it is gonna be
a hot, hot, hottie.
Hey, I think my ex-boyfriend
used to call me that.
Wanna weigh
in here, Tom?
Tom. He's one
of our producers. My ex.
It's cool. We're still friends.
What happened?
The heat wave's going
to my head.
Anybody else?
No? Just me?
Well, like I was saying...
- Give me them smooches.
Give me that smooch.
Give me that smooch.
I need the smooches.
You're so sweet.
You're the best dog
in the whole world. Mwah.
So, I just got off the phone
with Channel 12.
- And they're sending a reporter.
- Yeah?
- GARRETT: You're serious?
- TARA: I am dead serious.
- You're on fire.
- What can I say?
- What, where did you come from?
- High fives?
What's the occasion?
Uh, no, just a-a small victory
for the New Tricks fundraiser.
No, she's being humble.
You're killing it.
- Stop. You are killing it.
- No, I... You're the killer.
At most, I'm the getaway driver.
You know it.
Okay, but none of this would be
happening in the first place...
- I'd love to.
- What?
I'd love to help sponsor
the event, is what I mean.
- I want in.
- Really?
I mean, that is so generous.
Oh, it's totally my pleasure.
I've got goo gobs of money.
Geez, how am I
gonna find a date?
Oh, I'm sure you, of all people,
have no problem finding one.
Oh, is that so?
Are you volunteering?
Oh, are you guys...
Oh, no, no, no. We-we're
just friends, co-workers.
Yeah. Eww, her?
No, thank you.
Um, I just... No.
- Oh, good. Phew.
I don't want to step
on any toes.
No toe...
I'm toeless, you know.
I lack toes.
Lactose intolerant.
So, um, this is awesome
that this is ha...
You know, you're so awesome
and you're... super fit.
Yeah, yeah, we could be like
a-a power couple, you know.
You're the brains and I'm the
heart or the face or whatever.
So I'll pick you up
Saturday at 6:00?
- I will see you then.
- Great.
Looking forward to it.
- Oh, thanks, pal.
- Yup.
So, we're gonna do Thai
for dinner, huh?
You ever have Thai?
I love Thai.
Oh, it's just my band equipment,
and I-I poked the holes
so that...
'cause it gets smelly
after practice
so I want it to air out.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's just my equipment
moving around.
- Let them out. Let them out.
- Oh!
I know you have someone
in there. Let them out!
- Take it easy.
- I'm warning you. Let them out!
Whatever you think
is happening is not...
Let them...
- Oh, my... Oh!
Help! Help, somebody!
Ooh! I got to get out.
I can't breathe.
I'm gonna puke.
- I'm...
- Oh, my God!
Help me! Somebody!
- Help me!
- It's a dog!
- Help! Somebody! Help me!
It's a dog. It's a dog.
Oh, hi, puppy.
I just feel like the universe
is constantly telling me
I shouldn't be helping anybody.
Oh, God! I am so sorry.
Oh, God, it feels like...
It feels like I opened
my eyes in a sandbox.
I wish there was something I
could do to make it up to you.
Yeah, hey, um...
It's not, I guess,
the most ideal time,
but w-would you maybe
wanna go out
with me this weekend?
That's really sweet, but I am
so swamped this weekend.
I'm actually organizing a
fundraiser for this dog rescue.
Oh, yeah? You need a band?
He's really good at bowling,
which is important.
Um, 'cause I think it means that
he's good at other things.
- Mmm.
- Anyway, so what
is happening
with you and...
Amy, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Stop. Everyone can tell
you two are in love.
- It's really cute.
- I am a professional.
- Mm-hmm.
- I would never date my co-host.
Oh, yeah, sure, which is why
I was gonna ask you,
what is gonna happen when
he moves over to Channel 12?
What are you talking about?
You and that sweet
little poker face.
You know
the big offer he got
to host his own morning show
on Channel 12?
Five minutes to show, everyone.
Oh, my God, you should have
heard Nina earlier.
She was, like,
"I'm devastated."
I saw her eat a donut.
I was like,
"What? Who are you?"
Yeah, I thought...
I thought about the Fiat,
but I just feel like
I can't get enough people...
MAN 1: Oh, it's a hell
of a great car.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
MAN 2:
Fifteen seconds, everyone.
You look pretty.
- Everything okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- No, seriously...
- MAN 2: We're live...
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- MAN 2: five...
- Yeah, I'm great.
- MAN 2: ...four, three...
- You seem a little tense.
- MAN 2: ...two...
- Good morning.
- Wake up, LA.
- Who doesn't love clowns?
- Got to be some people.
- (CHUCKLES): What?
- I'm just saying like, so not...
I mean, clowns have to creep
some people out.
- But not me, I love them.
- Okay.
Well, I certainly love clowns.
And lucky for us,
or maybe just me,
we have a live clown here
with us today.
That's right. Everybody,
let's welcome Wacky Wayne.
Hi. Happy to be here.
It's terrific to have you.
Now, you're performing
this weekend.
Is it just you or do you perform
in a group of your... kind?
We have a...
There's a whole group of us.
But I was the only one
who could make it here
'cause we all kinda hit it
pretty hard last night.
And now, I imagine that you
and the other clowns are close.
You hang out outside of work?
So, if one of you were to get
a more lucrative clown job,
you would talk it
amongst yourselves
so it didn't become
some sort of weird,
toxic secret.
Is there such thing
as a more lucrative clown job?
Uh, you know,
you know what I love.
Uh, when you guys throw pies
at each other's face.
- I mean, that is hilarious.
- No, we... we don't do that.
- You don't do that? Why not?
- No.
- It's so messy.
- You know what's messy?
Lies and deceit are two
of life's messiest things.
They're not as messy as pies.
- I gotta tell you.
- I would disagree.
Wha... What are you doing?
Are you...
I don't know.
You tell me, Mr. Channel 12.
- Mr...
- (WHISPERING): I know everything.
Uh, can we get back
to the clown?
I'm talking to the clown.
You're the clown.
You are the clown.
This is the clown,
ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, this is tough to watch.
Right, Felix?
You're Felix, right?
And you know what?
Not even a funny clown.
- You are like...
- We are live right now.
...a backstabbing clown.
- All right, let's, uh...
- I'm the clown.
I think what she means is...
Too loose.
I'm done taking to clowns.
All right, well, let's get back
to the real clown.
Uh, Wacky Wayne,
why don't you tell everybody
where you're gonna be
this weekend.
- One o'clock LA festival.
- Everybody, catch Wacky Wayne
at the LA, uh, festival,
uh, 1 o'clock.
- MAN: And we're out.
- Liz, Liz.
Excuse me, can we talk, please?
About what?
About how you got
a huge new job?
Or how you lied to me?
I did not lie to you.
You said you weren't
gonna be that guy.
I should have told you,
and I'm sorry.
You know what?
What happened out there
was unprofessional.
I'm sorry.
But it's probably
a good thing.
Because we really moved
into this too fast, and I was...
- I was actually gonna ask you...
- Liz, Liz...
if we could take
a step back.
I wasn't gonna take
the Channel 12 job.
I messed up, but I wasn't gonna
leave you, Liz.
- Look...
- It's not like this was going anywhere.
- We're just too different.
- We're not that different.
I'm looking
for something honest
and real and serious.
And the longest relationship
you've had is with your dog.
So, that's it?
Y-you're... you're done?
Yeah, I think that'd be
for the best.
What about Sam and Brandy, huh?
Sam's gonna be just fine.
Oh, hey. There you guys are.
Before I left, I just wanted...
That was just so much fun.
It was a little strange,
but can I do a quick selfie?
- Do you mind?
- Yeah, sure.
Just 'cause you know...
For the guys.
That was so great, I loved
the bit, "You're the clown!
You're the clown!" You should
come out with us today.
We're going
to the Jumbo Clown Room.
I'm a mother
you know what that mean
And I do my little turn
on the catwalk
Yeah the catwalk
the catwalk yeah
I shake my little tush
on the catwalk
Too sexy for this funk
I am wiped just from that.
All right, burden, time for you
to pack up your stuff and go.
- Can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm actually
gonna miss you.
Come on, Charlie,
don't die on me.
You're gonna be okay,
all right.
You're gonna be okay...
I think.
- How you doin'?
- Not good.
Yeah, me either.
Is he okay? Is he gonna make it?
Charlie has toxicity poisoning.
What's toxicity poisoning?
Well, in layman's terms,
it means your dog is h...
Hi, Ian.
What brings you in today?
My tortoise ate my turtle.
Okay, we'll circle
back to that.
Uh, has Charlie come into
contact with any chocolate
or medicinal substances?
Like some kind
of, uh, brownie?
A brownie? Sure.
Certain types of brownies?
My, uh, friend Stanley
who's in my band,
he suffers from glaucoma.
Yes. A glaucoma
patient's brownie.
- That probably did it.
- Is he gonna die?
Charlie's probably gonna be
okay, though.
He just needs a lot of sleep
and IV fluids.
And he needs to stay away
from Stanley.
All right, come on, Ian.
Let's go see if we can get your
turtle out of your tortoise.
So that turtle-tortoise stuff
must really be
trippin' you out, huh?
What are you doing in there,
wise guy?
Oh, I'm just helping myself
to some gourmet
delicious cold pizza,
if that's okay.
You know, mi casa
su casa, right?
No. Mi casa.
But help yourself.
This is a big place...
for one person, I mean.
Never noticed that
before Mabel.
She filled the place
with her... presence.
And her barking.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Getting all sentimental
over a dog.
No. No, no,
I totally get it.
She's part of your family.
It's totally fine, I...
We're not gonna give up.
We'll find her.
Yeah, okay, you gonna eat
that pizza or stare at it?
We got work to do.
Let's get back.
That's exactly
what you need
right now, pal.
Attack of the
killer tomatoes...
How you doin', buddy? You okay?
Killer tomatoes
They'll beat you
bash you squish you...
You lost in that giant head
of yours right now?
That was a rough ride
there, pal.
You ever see
Exit To Eden
with Dan Aykroyd
and Rosie O'Donnell?
We'll watch that next.
- Tyler.
- Hey.
Great job on that essay.
You really turned it
around, man.
- Thank you.
- What you got here?
Oh, it's, uh, my tutor.
My friend's...
my friend's dog.
It's missing, so I'm trying
to help him find it.
Ah. Ah, that's too bad.
Once upon a time,
there was a family...
- Hey!
- Hey! Daddy's home!
Oh, hey, you. All right.
Hello, sweetie pie.
Okay, we found a dog wandering
in the street without a collar
and we took her in.
That's the right thing to do.
We did the right thing.
Now there's some sad guy
out there missing his dog.
W-w-what else can I say?
Maybe we're both
husband and wife?
Yeah, but does
this sad guy know
that this dog
has made us a family?
Yeah. Yeah. You ready?
Attagirl. Come on, Brandy.
All right, girl.
Yeah, that a girl.
Moving a little slow there.
You all right?
One more? One more.
All right, you ready?
- Go get it.
I love you.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, sorry, man,
I'll get out your hair.
Amazing grace
How sweet
The sound
That saved
A wretch
Like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind
But now I see
Thank you.
'Twas grace that...
Yeah. How's that lookin'?
Miss Daniels, it is
an absolute honor
to be working with you.
Mm. You too.
Can you grab me a cup of coffee?
- Mm?
- Uh, I'm kidding, of course.
But can you grab somebody
to grab me a cup of coffee?
- I'm kidding again.
But daddy does need
a cup of joe, so...
Where is the bean water?
- Right there.
- Okay.
- He seems nice.
- Yeah, so nice.
This is good. Just keeping it
profesh. New co-host.
- Yeah. You go, girl.
- Do people still say that?
Oh, I do. Is that bad?
- No, no. I-it works on you.
- Okay.
Ah. Must be a downer,
but how sad about Jimmy, huh?
- What about him?
- Oh.
I heard he had
to put his dog down.
- What? Brandy?
- Yeah.
She had a stroke
or something.
I-I'm sorry,
I thought you knew.
I guess you guys aren't
on speaking terms.
Somebody give this coffee
a hard hat
because it is workin'.
Show time!
We're live in five, four,
three, two...
I just can't believe she's gone.
Brandy was Sam's best friend.
She got him
out of his depression.
She taught him
how to trust again.
Sam is just...
so, so sad.
Are you sure that it's Sam
that's feeling this way?
Yes. Why would you ask that?
I noticed that you neglected
to bring Sam in today.
Ugh, I knew I forgot something.
You did. Yeah, you did.
You forgot Sam.
Forgot to bring Sam in.
I'm such a mess.
That'll be $350.
ALEXA (ON TV): It is shaping
up to be a beautiful August,
back-to-school season.
Parents getting those kids
back on a routine,
not just wilin' out at night
and also a time for relief
for the weather.
We're looking
at a nice cooldown
and then, look out,
we're looking
at huge thunderstorms.
I'm just kidding. Had you
for a second though, right?
Lot of people
don't know this about me,
but I have
a great sense of humor.
Mr. Charlie, yeah.
Time to wake up.
This is no fun, is it?
Getting woken up
by someone invading
your personal space is no fun!
Hey! There he is!
Let's go! Yeah! Here we go.
Come on. I'll get you
a ginger shot.
Don't rush it, pal.
The spot's gotta speak to you.
Look at you, you're like
a kid in a candy store.
I might go for a run.
Whoa. Who's this mature,
young man standing at my door?
Oh, okay, yeah. Very funny.
So what's the occasion?
It's nothing. It's just this
dumb little piece of paper.
- I got an A.
Come on. We're going out.
Well, all right. Wise guy.
Let me get my jacket.
Hey! You look fantastic.
Oh, thank you. I...
You don't look too bad yourself.
What? This old thing?
I actually just bought this.
Brand new. Gucci.
- Full price, not cheap.
- Oh.
There you go.
What's this? A corsage?
No, no, no,
those are for your high heels
so they don't mess up
my carpet.
Oh, uh...
Of course.
Wow! That's really loud!
Yeah, I like to hear it
with my whole body.
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
The right stuff
First time was
a great time
Second time was a blast...
- (CHUCKLES) -I'm so glad
to be a part of this.
Oh. Hey. Giant balloon dogs.
- TARA: You know it.
- Come on. How about a photo?
Yeah, I'd love to. Uh...
Oh, you just... mean a photo
of you by yourself.
Okay, that's cool.
- There you go.
- All right. Let's see it.
Oh, wait, no.
Actually, my nose looks weird.
Let's do another one.
I feel like
I should go check in.
Okay, great. And if you could
go up a little bit
and I'll stay down.
- Uh, okay.
- Okay, great.
I think I got it.
- There we are. There's my nose.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.
How about a post?
TARA: Oh. Yeah.
Giving back...
...looks as good as it feels.
- Hashtag New Tricks Rescue.
- Uh-huh, that's us.
Hashtag Dr. Mike. Nice job.
- Thank you.
- Oh, let's go shake some hands.
Kiss some puppies.
She cleans up nice.
Don't get me wrong.
You do, too.
Gertrude, you look
absolutely beautiful today.
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
The right stuff
Okay, I'm not gonna lie.
I, uh, I had an ulterior motive
to bring you out here.
Ulterior. Good word.
- TYLER: See any that you like?
Well, I like 'em all.
They're all cute.
Let me rephrase that.
Do you see any
that you want to adopt?
I know you still miss Mabel.
But maybe it's time
for you to move on.
You know, Tyler,
I never wanted to adopt Mabel.
I always thought
dogs were a hassle.
More trouble
than they were worth.
But my wife, Addie, she pestered
me about it till I gave in.
We must've looked at a 100 dogs
before she chose Mabel.
"This one," she said,
"This is our dog."
She was right.
Mabel made our lives
just a little sweeter.
So when I lost my wife...
it felt like it was my job
to take care of Mabel.
Make sure she was as spoiled
as Addie wanted her to be.
As much as I miss Mabel,
the hardest part about all this
is feeling like
I let my wife down.
Walter, I think
Addie will understand.
I think she would want you
to be happy again.
Oh, I know.
And I am happy, I mean...
At least I'm getting there,
thanks to you.
To me?
Well, you got me
out of the house.
I'm wearing this damn suit,
I feel like I'm a part
of the world again, so...
thank you, pizza boy.
Thank you, y-your friendship
means a lot to me.
- You're not gonna like this.
- What?
- You're gonna hate me for this.
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Come on. Comin' in.
- Oh, oh, oh, okay.
I forgive you.
- Just don't make it a habit.
- All right. All right.
This one's pretty cute, huh?
This one looks like
a little pain in the ass.
So, um, and when
he touched the shoe...
and this is a button and
this one is white and then...
Hey! What are you guys doing?
We're reading a book.
You are? But why
are you dressed like fairies?
Not fairies.
As fairy dinosaur princess.
Amelia, I have some news
I have to tell you,
and it's kind of sad.
Okay, here it goes.
Um, you have been doing
such a great job
taking care of Mr. Snuggles.
Thank you.
And I know she loves
playing with you.
Uh, it's just...
we found out that Mr. Snuggles
has an owner named Walter.
- Walter?
- Yeah.
And Walter lost Mr. Snuggles
and he misses her very much.
So as much as we'd like
to keep Mr. Snuggles,
I'm afraid she's gonna
have to go back home.
Yeah. I know.
I know, sweetie.
It's so sad.
And happy too.
Mr. Snuggles gets
to go back home.
Yeah. Yes, she does.
And Walter will be happy too.
Walter will be very happy.
And I'm sure
he's gonna wanna thank you
for taking care of her.
Does it mean
we have to say goodbye now?
No. No, we don't have
to say goodbye now.
We can do that tomorrow.
- Yay!
- Mm-hmm.
GARRETT: I understand
why some people choose
not to adopt.
Life is hard enough as it is.
Why-why make it any harder?
So why are we here?
Why are we doing this?
It's for them.
You know, uh, for a lot of dogs
that come to New Tricks stores,
life has been really hard.
For some of them,
it's been downright cruel.
And yet, they find a way
to open their hearts to us
to love and to be loved,
and I-I find that beautiful.
And so, I'm asking you today
to find a way for you
to open up your heart.
Or your checkbook,
whichever one opens first
and let's find a new home
for New Tricks.
That would be amazing.
Any contribution will help.
Thank you so much. Um, oh,
and-and I just want to give
a quick shout-out to our
incredible party planner.
Tara, thank you so much.
Thank you for making
New Tricks your purpose.
All right, go drink, be merry,
Frunk will be back soon.
- Whoo!
- Have fun.
And adopt a dog. You wanna do
that one as well. Okay.
What is Frunk?
I have no clue.
Hey, hey,
it's Jimmy Johnston here.
We're at
the New Tricks Charity Event
in Griffith Park,
so come on down.
We have lots of fun,
we have lots of games
and food, food trucks.
Uh, come on down,
adopt your new best friend.
- I know.
- You never know who you...
Why does he have
to look so good?
- We havin' a good time?
- ALL: Yeah!
Right. You hear 'em.
Come on down to Griffith Park.
We have big dogs, we got
small dogs, long hair...
Don't do that.
Don't think you're
just gonna stare me down
and I'm gonna go to this thing.
I'm not going. Mnh-mnh.
I'm not going.
Oh yeah
Where are you?
Where... Oh.
All right
Say all right
- Oh, Elizabeth?
- Yeah. Elizabeth.
Griffith Park, yeah?
Say all right
Great. Whew!
Oh, why-why are we...
You know what, I'm gonna run.
Yeah. I'm gonna run.
Five stars.
With all my heart
I love you baby
Mayor Caughlin.
- Channel 12 here.
- Hello, Jimmy.
JIMMY: How you doin' this evening?
Havin' a good time?
I am doing great this evening.
I think I adopted
three terriers
and a... and a small pony.
You're not gonna ask me
to dance, are you?
- May I?
- You may.
All right.
Sweet love
Hear me
callin' out your name
I feel no shame
I'm in love
GARRETT: Hey, don't have
too much fun, okay.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hey, thank you
for the kind words up there.
Yeah, of course.
How's it going?
- Um, amazing.
- Yeah?
Yeah, we got a bunch of people
to sign adoption applications.
Uh, a lot of elderly women
have told me
that I look
like Pee-wee Herman.
- So... I'm...
- Okay.
I'm taking it
as a compliment.
Yeah, I think
that's a good thing.
- A handsome Pee-wee Herman.
- Yes, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- How's, uh, how's the hot date?
Uh, a little chillier
than I expected.
Um, excuse me, I'm just...
- I need to get in there.
- Not right now, you don't.
I just need to talk
to my friend.
Not right now, you don't.
Uh... Okay.
Okay, fine. I'm gone.
- Jimmy!
- Liz.
Marvin, is it finally
Code Orange?
- Liz?
- WOMAN: Move those dogs.
- Hey, hey, hey. I got her.
- Get off of me.
- I got her. I got her.
- Get...
- Sorry about that.
- Get...
I am not a crazy person.
Liz, what are you doing here?
Jimmy, I love...
Is that it?
No, of course not. I...
I'm sorry that I wasn't there
for you, for Brandy, I...
She was wonderful.
Yes, she was.
Thank you.
I got you something.
What is it?
Uh, it's just a gift.
It's just, um...
It's just a little something.
Don't let the Tiffany box
fool you.
TARA: "I am I because
my little dog knows me.
Gertrude Stein."
I, um...
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean to upset you.
No, no. My God.
No, I'm not upset.
I'm happy.
This is the sweetest gift
that I've ever been given and...
You know, just being
a part of this,
it has given me
so much, I ju...
This is all you.
You know, if someone would just
give this sweet girl a home,
my life would be complete.
Well, um, someone actually
adopted her this evening.
No way. Who?
I did. This guy.
You know, sometimes people don't
realize how amazing a dog is.
But, um...
I know how special she is,
and I-I realized
I didn't want to let her go.
What are you doing?
Well, I just realized
I didn't want to let you go.
And listen, I'm-I'm not saying
that we need to jump back
into a relationship, but...
I care about you.
And so does Sam.
And we would both
really love it
if we could spend...
God, I wanna kiss you
right now...
but I know you got your
whole rule about on camera PDA.
What? Cameras?
- Yeah. We're still, uh...
- Oh.
- Right. Cameras.
- Mm-hmm.
They can still hear me. Yeah.
Screw it.
They're gonna have
such beautiful babies.
I could have sworn
he was into me.
Wow, they're really covering
the hell out
of this charity event.
- By the way, I'm pregnant.
- What?
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
Who let the dogs out?
Ooh. Oh, oh.
This should be our song.
- No. Unh-unh.
- Yeah. Yea...
- Mnh-mnh.
- Mm-hmm.
Who let the dogs out?
Uh, excuse me.
Oh. Uh, hey, Dr. Mike.
I thought we were on a date.
I changed my mind.
All right. I guess I get that.
- He took that well. Yeah.
- I think so.
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
How did you...
Uh, I had one
just like this in college.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at it inside!
This is so great, baby.
Aw, I apprec...
I love you so much.
I love you so much, Walter.
Thank you so much.
Ah, come on, baby. Get in.
Come on! Get in. Come on.
Let's go for a ride.
Yes, it is.
Oh, that's...
th-that's wonderful.
Is Mabel okay?
Yeah, yeah, Mabel. Yes.
Oh, that-that's great.
No, no, no, no.
No, no problem. No problem.
I could meet you anywhere.
Yes, yes, I know it well.
Yes. Fantastic.
Well, we found her,
We found her.
Oh, I hear you.
Hey, hey.
Oh, my God,
you look amazing.
Oh... Thanks, we're doing
so much better.
- Hi, Charlie bear!
- What happened?
Carol happened.
Greg had to go back to work,
so his mom flew in to help us.
And she does everything
so much better than us.
You know, I got four hours
of sleep last night.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
No, that's really good.
I'm really proud of you.
You're a single mom,
and you're doing it.
Well, I have Greg.
You're a single mom.
Watch this.
- Frunk.
- RUTH: Oh, God.
Uh... Frunk.
Great. I'm gonna have
to say "Frunk"
any time I want him
to do anything?
You see,
Frunk can mean anything.
Well, I hope he wasn't
too much of a burden to you.
Oh, no, he was.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, it's good.
I feel like I spend so much
of my time burdening you.
I mean, you really, really
take care of me.
You lend me money, you give me
a place to stay when I need it,
you pay the insurance
of my van.
Wait, I do?
Can we visit her?
I don't know,
but we can certainly ask.
I'm sad, Mommy.
I'm sad, too.
But you know what?
We are still a family.
And families help each other
through sad times.
Do you want a hug?
- WALTER: Mr. Chapman.
- Walter. Hey. Hello.
- All right.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.
- I've heard such great things.
- Pleasure.
Uh, Tyler is a good kid.
- He is a great kid. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, uh, this stuff
is for you here. Um...
We, uh, we just picked up
a couple of things
- so the dog will be more comfortable.
- Okay.
All right.
You're a good dog.
I gotta go.
Try not to miss me too bad.
I won't miss you at all.
- All right, I'll see you soon.
- Aw.
Dax, are you crying?
This is what happens.
Plus, I was maced, like...
- pretty recently.
- Okay. Okay.
So I can't control
when I'm tearin' up.
He likes it when you put
these on his food.
- What is that...
- You remember when you said that I saved you?
I said no human food!
Okay, bye.
Love you. Bye, burden.
Del Taco?
Good girl.
Well, don't you look
slim and trim.
- Well, hello!
- What's your name?
- Amelia Chapman.
Have you been taking care
of this dog, Amelia?
- Feeding her and walking her?
- Why, yes, I have.
Well, she looks so happy.
You must be doing
a great job.
Uh, well, sweetie,
I think it's probably time
we should say goodbye
to the doggie
so she can go back home.
Oh, um, we were wondering
if we could visit your dog
every once in a while.
I don't think so.
Oh. Okay.
We just thought we'd ask.
No, um, you misunderstood.
I mean... I don't think
you'll be able to visit
because there's been
a mistake.
This isn't my dog.
I'm sorry, what?
I'd say this is your dog.
Walter, you don't have
to do that.
What a lucky dog
to have such a sweet family.
- I don't know what to say here.
- No, nothing to say.
Just... misunderstanding,
that's all.
Well, the dog seems to like you
a lot, so, uh...
...if you'd like, you know,
we could meet up
in the park sometime.
Yes. Yes.
You know,
I'd like that very much.
Is that okay with you?
Of course.
Of course.
All right. Well...
I-I know you don't
know me, but...
- Aw.
- Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
thank you!
You're welcome.
- Enjoy.
- Yeah.
- Thank you, sir.
- See you soon, huh?
- Yes.
- Yes.
All right.
Mommy, why are you crying?
Are you sad?
No, I'm not sad, I'm happy!
Sometimes, people cry
when they're happy.
Well, good morning,
or should I say
wake up, LA.
We're here at the beach today
with my dog Sam.
JIMMY (ON TV): All dogs love
the beach, so come on down.
We do love the beach...
- Oh, hey, you!
Oh, I know your spot.
Right there. Yeah.
That's what you came for, huh?
Oh, well, now look at you.
Where'd you come from?
Oh, hello, beautiful!
Oh, look. Yeah, okay...
Sorry, Walter, one of the dogs
knows how to open up doors.
Ah, it's All right.
Mi casa su casa.
- What?
- I took Spanish in high school.
Anyway, um... Look.
Walter, uh,
I know we kid, or I kid
and you stare blankly
at me, but, um,
I just wanna say
thank you so much
for opening up your home.
And I hope my thanking you
hasn't been annoying.
It is annoying. Please, stop.
Message received.
- Uh... thank you.
- Okay.
Who wants to go outside?
Hey, baby.
- That's my girlfriend.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, don't feed Darla.
Her tummy's upset.
- Hey, old man.
- Wise guy.
I hope it's not weird
we're dating.
No. No, I'm just happy
you're happy.
And to be honest,
I think you two are perfect
for each other.
Mm, sweet.
Thank you.
Have you seen Gertrude?
Who is this little guy?
JIMMY (ON TV): Oh, my God. I didn't
know my friend Scotch was coming
to visit me today.
Is she yours?
Nope, she's ours.
- Wanna hold her?
- Yes, I wanna hold her.
Hey, what is this?
What is this?
Jimmy, I...
will you marry me?
- Yes!
- Yes?
- Yes, of course.
- Yes?
- Sam. Where's Sam? Sam!
- Yeah, get Sam. Get Sam.
Get Sam.
Come here. Oh, yes.
Come here, baby.
Come and take
a ride with me
Kissing on your wrist
so casually
Livin' out
a public fantasy
Oh you stop in every row
You kiss me oh
Plain to see
You're the face
I wanna call on
So what's
another minute baby
You and me
Are the reason why hearts
are made of gold
"Scene 108-C, role 15,
take three." Nailed it.
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
Oh, look at these guys.
Looks like you're
in deep Shih Tzu.
You know, I'm actually surprised
you knew these were Shih Tzus.
I know my dogs.
You know your Shih Tzu
about Shih Tzus.
- Dude, your dog is fat.
- WALTER: Excuse me?
Oh, I'm sorry,
what I meant to say is
your dog is super fat.
Excuse me?
What I meant to say is
if your dog gets any bigger,
its feet won't be able
to touch the ground.
Excuse me?
I feel like if I hit
your dog hard enough,
candy will fly out.
- WALTER (LAUGHING): Excuse me?
Ow, that's inside
my ear canal.
Ew. He's talking
into my ear canal.
Oh, no, it's too early to play.
Too early to play.
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof
Wanna hear
a real band name?
- Foghat.
- RUTH: Great name.
DAX: Foghat is just
two words put together.
It-it paints
a whole picture.
DAX: Yeah, of a fog
with a hat on top of it.
- Yes.
- How does it...
I'm sorry. Is this weird?
No. No, no, no, no, no.
It-it's just turning me on
in like a really weird way.
So I'm into it.
But they say hey man
dat is part of the party
Yepee ah yo
To put a woman in front
and they man behind
I hear a woman shout out
who let the dogs...
Ow! I'm sorry, Brandy.
Oh, oh... Ow.
- Who let the dogs out?
- Woof woof woof
This morning, he was like,
"Whoa, some of your hair's dark
and some some of it's light."
And I was like, "Thank you."
He got me this jacket
which is disgusting,
but I can't stop wearing it.
Look at these sleeves.
It's stupid.
It smells like his house.
- MAN: And cut.
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
Last year in the dance
you had a ball...
Can you answer a question
with more than two words?
I can.
Okay, how did you get
to rehearsal today?
By car.
How many instruments
did you learn to play
before you learned
to play the drums?
- Just drums.
- Just... God! Jes...
All right. You know what?
What kind of car you drive?
I drive a Fiat.
What's the most people
you ever fit
into the... into one
of those cars?
You can fit one passenger
and then two in the back.
It's not always...
It's not like...
That thing about clowns
going in,
a bunch of us, it's...
- We don't do that.
- Oh, man.
No, it's not safe.
Did you always know
you wanted to be a clown?
(SIGHS) No, I got into
it in my late 30s.
Which is not usual.
Why do you do this?
Why do you do this every time?
Give me them kisses.
Oh, yes.
- Greg!
- Oh, that's such a cutie.
RUTH: Greg!
- Greg!
- Greg!
RUTH: What is this?
Weekend at Bernie's?
- Greg!
- Greg, wake up!
He might be sick.
I-I feel pain in my brain
and in my toes.
It feels like
there's a small child,
like, scratching his way
out of my face.
It's like in my molars.
It feels like someone's washing
a pan in my eyes.
Get back
you flea-infested mongrel
Uh yeah what up?
- Gimme little dog
- Woof
Down to bongo
found the bong
And I bang the gong-o
That'll be $350.
I've raised my rates.
You can just do that?
Yes. Yes, I can.
And I did. Just now.
Yepee ah yo
- Who let the dogs out?
- Yepee ah yo
- Who let the dogs out?
- Yepee ah yo
Let's wrap
this Shih Tzu up.
Who let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs out?
A doggie is nothing
if he don't have a bone
Who let the dogs out?
Woof woof woof woof woof
A doggie is nothing
if he don't have...
- Frunk, right?
- Mm-hmm.
What does that stand for?
It could mean anything.
It could mean...
Could it mean
a terrible name for a band?
Okay. Charlie, sic him.
Charlie, kill.
Charlie, rip him to shreds.
I don't know
if your dog's into it.
Oh, yeah?
Charlie, sit.
Good dog.