Don't Fence Me In: Queer Country (2026) Movie Script

1
Why country music?
Uh, I-- [laughs]
I guess, you know, there's a lot
of hurtin' in country music,
and there's
a lot of good-timing.
And I've done a lot
of both of those things.
Especially the hurtin'. [laughs]
[twangy music]
I really am a country boy.
That's who I am at heart.
I was looking for
something in country.
I was like,
"What else is out there?"
So I wanted to create something
that was a little bit commercial
and a lot controversial.
I know that love will find me
when I put the past behind me
I don't hide my heart
like I did before
[Amanda]
Being a kid that really felt,
like, different,
or I felt like I didn't fit in,
and it became this,
"Oh, I'm gonna put
my poems to guitar chords
and I'm gonna
make songs out of this."
[Patrick] I just remember being
a young kid watching television
and being like,
"That's what I'm going to do."
I have a big voice.
I have a powwow voice.
The sky's caving in,
come hold me
And it's like, light bulb.
"Oh, my gosh, am I going back
to where I came from?"
I basically try to give artists
that are marginalized or
underrepresented the opportunity
and the stage I never had.
We'll bring a little bit
of Saturday
There's been a lot
of questioning on my part
over the years of, you know,
how to accept who I am.
["Fortune Teller"
by Bobby Dove playing]
Could I be gentle
Not so temperamental
But it's this
understanding of...
what it took
to get to where we are.
The love you've weaponized,
we bow our heads and pray
Dear God, dear God
[Amanda] Country music,
originally it's, like,
dudes with guitars, and,
you know, it's not necessarily--
It doesn't scream,
like, "gay" to me.
[Patrick]
Everybody is an original,
so I think we're put here to
show that and shine that, right?
People say,
"Oh, you know, you're famous,"
and I'm like,
"Oh, no, I'm gayness."
[Bobby] I was definitely,
like, in the country scene,
and in that scene, there were
definitely queer people,
but there wasn't, like,
a queer country scene.
I'm Bobby Dove,
and I'm a singer-songwriter.
- [thud]
- Ooh!
Glad it's not me.
I'm such a klutz.
I hope that's not a whole
book of questions there, is it?
[director] Uh, no, it's not.
[Drake]
I've always been an open book.
This is probably the first time
I've ever talked about it,
like, on camera,
but I was so afraid to,
like, put a pronoun in a song
or, like, even talk about it.
[Shawnee]
I write about my struggles.
I use my music to heal.
And in turn, I hope that I can
do something for someone else.
There's a lot of shady stuff
that goes on in this business,
and as much as I was
held back for being gay,
I got in with a lot of
really influential people,
and I wanted to pass that on to
other underrepresented,
marginalized artists.
My name is Patrick Masse.
I am a Canadian
country recording artist
and also an amplifier
and an activist.
My name is Shawnee Kish.
I am Drake Alan Morton Jensen.
My name is Amanda Rheaume.
I'm a citizen
of the Mtis Nation of Ontario.
[Bobby] I think it dealt
with my feeling as an outsider
and as a queer person
in the country world.
And we're all supposed to look
and sound and be the same,
the same shape and the same--
You know?
But so rebelling against that
is being who I am.
I had lived for 26 years
as somebody else.
I wanted to come out,
and I really wasn't thinking,
'cause I had no idea
how it would change everything.

I have been singing
since I was born.
I think I, like, naturally
just gravitated towards music
in general since I was little.
It just-- it's-- I feel like
music kind of chose me.
[young Shawnee vocalizing]
But it wasn't until I was about,
you know, young teens where,
you know, I started struggling
in my younger years with
things around me and my identity
and my life and my surroundings,
and I leaned heavily
into music to heal,
as a medicine.

I was closeted
when I was younger.
I grew up in a small town.
I spent a lot of time
hiding from myself,
from my identity as
an Indigenous person.
It's not something
we discussed in our home.
It's not something
that was even celebrated.
I didn't grow up
with my teachings.
Um, same as being gay.
I didn't feel like
I had a choice in coming out.
I was afraid.
And so I struggled
with self-identity.
But then on top of that,
I struggled with home life,
I struggled in school life,
and just feeling in general
like I had a place
in the world to exist.
But I wrote.
I have writings, I have poems.
I wrote down those feelings,
and it was--
it became this form
of therapy and comfort,
even in the most
desperate times.
Music really, truly did save me.
["Mercy"
by Shawnee Kish playing]
Something doesn't
feel right here
Knocking at on a door
at the gates of Glory
I can hear 'em whispering
I'd like to say that I am
fully at peace, but I'm not.
That's-- that's the journey.
That's the way
I think about my music.
It's always been for me
to continue healing
and getting to know who I am.
My mom has status from
the Six Nations Grand River,
and my father passed away
when I was ten years old.
And so I don't know that part
so much about my-- who I am.
[director] And that was kind
of part of the identity crisis
that you were
kind of going through?
I feel like it came
from all angles.
You know, being closeted and
not understanding my teachings,
which would have helped me.
We lost the teachings.
It was my grandmother who went
to residential schooling
on Six Nations, and she ended up
escaping residential school
and she left the reserve.
So just kind of all angles
of feeling, um, Indigenous,
but not knowing
enough about that.
And then being closeted
and feeling, you know,
like I would be rejected
if I were to come out
and forward with who I am.
I feel as though
I learned how to fit, fit in.
And that was a dangerous place.
That was the most
dangerous place to be in,
because that wasn't healthy.
That wasn't healthy for
my spirit, for who I am.
[melancholy music]

[Drake] It'll be 51 years this
year that I've been a musician.
It was nursery school
graduation,
and everybody had
to do something on stage.
And I was not shy back then.
And I wanted to sing
John Denver's "Country Roads,"
'cause my dad had bought
John Denver's Greatest Hits
and I was enamored by it.
Country roads
I was four years old
when I did that.
So that was the beginning
of the whole thing.
Music was like the lifeblood
of getting me to focus.
And so, yeah, there was
a big audience and everybody
was clapping, so I got
my first taste of appreciation.
So it was a good moment.
Painful to live forever
Heart in hand,
it's now or never
Wanna be the man
I am meant to be
I know that love will find me
when I put the past behind me
I grew up in
Glace Bay, Nova Scotia,
and it was a coal mining town.
My dad was a coal miner.
I've kind of come
from that lineage.
My grandfather was a coal miner,
dad was a coal miner.
It was a rough town.
And I was a--
I was a gay, overweight kid,
and very intelligent.
My dad was
a major country music guy.
So he was the Merle Haggard,
the Charley Pride,
all the classic stuff.
George Strait, stuff like that.
His father, too.
So they exposed me to that.
My mother, on the other hand,
she was a Billy Ocean,
Culture Club--
I often make the joke that--
I remember my mother
coming home with
Culture Club's
Colour by Numbers record
and looking at Boy George
and going,
"Oh. You can do this, can you?"
Karma, karma, karma,
karma, karma chameleon
[director] So was that
when you would say
your identity started
to shine through?
I think identity is
an interesting thing with me,
because I had a lack of identity
for a very long time
due to the abuse that I was
exposed to when I was young.
And but part of me was always
what you're seeing here today.
You know, even at-- I'm 55 now.
I'm still the same person.
I'm like a little kid.
I'm more, I think, myself now
than I was the past
15 or 20 years, really.
So I've developed into myself.
The music really helped.
There's frost in the air
The fire is glowin'
There's hope everywhere
"Away in a Manger"
Brings back memories
When hate was a stranger
I left school when
I was 14 years old
and didn't graduate.
I sat home by the record player
and listened to the music
and immersed myself
in the music.
Lived with my grandparents.
My at-home situation
wasn't the best.
And it was--
it was a tough time,
you know, 'cause I knew
that I had so much potential.
But the kids, they crushed me.
You know,
they talk about bullying, right?
I really can't stand the word.
Because it's not bullying.
It's assault.
And you know how Lady Gaga
talks about, you know,
she was thrown in a trash can?
Well, I can really relate,
because in the middle
of the winter,
they stripped
my clothes off of me
and they threw me
in a brook of icy water
and left me there.
And that was just
one of the things I did.
And this happened
multiple times.
I was a really different kid.
Like, I was going around
telling everybody
that I was gonna be a star.
I was telling people that,
"Oh, I'm gonna be a singer,
I'm gonna be a singer
and I'm gonna do this
and I'm gonna do that."
[director] So it sounds
like you really ident--
that you recognized that
you were gay very early on.
Yeah, my father
took me to the coal mine.
If you wanna be candid
about the whole thing.
I remember being,
like, nine years old,
and my father took me
into where the men change.
And I remember having
this massive revelation,
kind of going,
"Oh, I feel very happy here."
And I didn't know what it was,
'cause nobody had ever--
We didn't talk about sexuality
at home. We were Catholic.
Um, and I remember
being very stimulated
by being in that environment.
I didn't know what it was.
I-- Probably I was 13 or 14
when I started
to know that I was gay.
You know,
it wasn't just Boy George.
After that, I kind of--
I hid it as much as I could.

Go fall in love
with somebody else
Hopefully one day yourself
I have fallen into
a dangerous abyss
It's like fallin'
from heaven to hell
It's like fallin'...
[Bobby] Well,
I'm originally from Montreal,
so I started there
doing open mics
and actually playing
blues jams of all things,
even though now
I'm more in the country world.
Actually also was very much
in the spoken word scene
in Montreal, because
that was sort of where
the freaks and the weirdos
were hanging out.
SOS to the men in vests
whose dividends are debt
Their stock is
sinkin' underground
Kind of went through
different phases of music
where I was performing music
in my teens,
but then
I kind of lost inspiration
and I really actually hadn't
found country music yet.
And I stopped playing for a
few years in my early twenties,
and then I picked up my guitar
and then I started playing
along, and I was like,
"I can do this. Why--
And this gives me so much joy.
Why am I not doing this?"
I'd sort of frozen
for a few years.
[director]
What did you do with that,
now that you're kind
of finding inspiration?
[Bobby] I was learning
every Hank Williams song
I could learn, every Townes Van
Zandt song that I could learn,
and then started to go
to almost every single
country or bluegrass
or folk sort of open mic or jam
in Montreal that I could find.
And so I was, like,
seven days a week,
biking around
with a cowboy hat on
and my guitar gig bag on my back
and just biking up
those Montreal hills.
Can you throw it
over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier
Or is it just growing weary
while you grow older
You know, getting my free
drinks, paying my dues
and play music
with and for anyone.
I just was cutting my teeth,
and one of the main places
I did that in Montreal
was called The Wheel Club,
and I actually found
an amazing mentor there
who was at least 60 years older
than me named Bobby Hill,
who started making mixtapes
for me and suggesting songs.
And that's where I really
discovered such a huge range
of country artists that
I'd certainly not grown up with.
He was such an important
figure because here--
Like, this was also one of
the first men that I met who
literally just wanted
to impart knowledge
and just appreciated
my talent and my drive,
and wanted nothing more from me
except just to see me blossom
into a better singer
and artist and musician.
And now I'd like to play a song
by one of my heroes and mentors,
the late, great Bobby Hill.
My tears are softly fallin'
As her phone rings
in the dark
She isn't there,
she doesn't care
For her, it's just a lark
[director] What made you want to
leave Montreal? 'Cause, I mean,
- it's such a happening place.
- Ooh!
- Right?
- That's a loaded question.
- [director] Okay.
- [laughs] Well, um,
I left Montreal in 2020,
so right in the heart
of the pandemic lockdowns.
And at that point, um,
there was a bit of, like, a, uh,
romantic interest, I guess,
calling me to Manitoba out west.
["Trans Canadian Blues"
by Bobby Dove playing]
I doubled up
and buckled down
On smokes and joe,
turned my teeth brown
With a wandering fever
I can hardly shake
It's 8.5 to Thunder Bay
Still waiting for
that gig to pay
I had to skip town,
move on down that lake
Got the goose in Wawa
with a couple honkin' mamas
At Woody's Hotel Bar,
we tied one on
I wasn't even out yet
as non-binary
or had not changed my pronouns
yet when I moved to Manitoba.
So that all happened
while I was here.
On the run, on the run
We were both lonesome
travellers on the run
The "Trans Canadian Blues"
music video,
a lot of that was shot--
well, all of it was shot
where I'm either
wearing a binder or, like,
wearing the jean jacket,
you know, hiding parts of myself
that I wasn't comfortable with.
Highway bound,
trans Canadian blues
Looking at that footage, though,
I just feel like I managed
to somehow transcend... [laughs]
...you know,
all the physical aspects
of what I was going
through at that time.
After so many years of being
cloaked in kind of ambiguity
and, you know, uncomfortable
with my she/her pronouns
for so many years,
and yet unwilling or
not even conceiving of a world
in which I would
do anything about it.
And I think so
it did really, like--
it gave me all that time
and that space, you know,
to really reflect on who
I was and who I was becoming.

[Patrick] I mean, music was
what saved my life, right?
I hated school,
'cause I'm dyslexic
and it was always difficult.
I was over the moon that I could
have two blocks of choir.
I had vocal jazz
and concert choir.
And immediately when
I met Mrs. Marquette,
she just took me under her wing,
and was in--
and I think within two months,
I was at Festival Canada
in Banff,
and we got to do this tour.
And she just-- she was--
Other than my parents,
she was really one of--
probably one
of my earliest mentors.

Music was always prevalent
in our house.
Um, my dad played guitar.
My parents were
die-hard country fans.
Like Don Williams, Anne Murray.
You know, The Oak Ridge Boys
and Alabama and stuff like that.
And Merle Haggard.
"Okie From Muskogee."
My dad was obsessed
with that kind of stuff.
So music was very, very
a big part of our upbringing.
And my dad, I guess
I got my talent from my dad.
So we, everybody in
our family was kind of,
when we were young, into music,
but I was the only one that
really professionally did it.
'Cause when I was diagnosed
with dyslexia,
um, I remember hearing--
I was eight years old,
I remember hearing
my mom say to Dr. Klein,
"What can we do for Patrick?"
And he's like,
"You better find out
what he's good at
and you better
damn well encourage him."
Gonna dance
till the break of dawn
I'm counting down the minute,
counting down the hours
I worked hard for this money,
now I'm headed to the bar
For a little bit of Saturday,
for a little bit of Saturday
I want a drink in my cup,
down a couple shots
Tell the DJ that we're ready
We're hitting up
the floor for a
Little bit of Saturday
I just always kind of knew.
I remember when I was 19,
when I officially--
I told everybody
in my family all in one day,
and I remember my dad
was getting ready for bed,
and I said,
"Dad, if I meet someone
and wanna bring them home
for dinner, is that okay?"
And he said, "Yes, son,
that's okay." The day one.
I always knew I was loved,
and I know that my parents
didn't understand it.
I came out in 1994.
I went into country music
in 1998.
So I went into
the genre openly gay.

I found music
through piano lessons,
and eventually, I was like,
"This isn't cool enough.
Like, I wanna play guitar."
You know?
And actually, it turned out
that my mom's brother had
his old Western, massive,
like, jumbo acoustic guitar,
and they gave me that.
Like, the strings were, like,
so high off the fretboard
of my little, like,
12-year-old hands
trying to learn these chords
and all that.
And, yeah,
I just kept sort of progressing,
and it wasn't ever
by being told to do it.
You know,
I just kept wanting to do it
and wanting
to explore in that way.
Finally I see
I'm exactly where...
I mean, elementary school was--
I didn't love-- I felt like
a loner as, like, a smaller kid.
And then in high school,
which is when I had started
kind of playing music,
my first time ever on stage,
you know,
other than a piano recital,
was at lunch in the cafeteria.
And I can remember my knees,
like, knocking together.
I was so nervous. But, like,
I didn't start out as a singer.
I was just a guitar player.
And, uh, I learned chords,
I learned how to strum.
Some of it on my own,
but I did take lessons
at the Nepean School of Music.
And I also learned,
like, solos, and, um--
What are those called?
Scales, and...
[director] At that period of
time in your life,
what were you feeling?
I saw my friends
having boyfriends,
and, like, being
interested in boys,
and I-- I had crushes
on boys, for sure.
Um...
And I also, and only
upon reflection, realized
I also had crushes
on girls, you know,
and-- and that-- that, like...
you can't stop thinking
about the person.
That was definitely
happening for me,
but I wasn't acknowledging it.
[pensive music]
I had a friend that I knew
had made out with another girl,
you know, and, like,
that was interesting,
but it was not talked about.
Like, I was born in '82,
and it was way more common
to be heterosexual.
And, like, no one
in my family was gay,
um... other than, like,
my aunt had these two
friends, you know,
and-- and I knew
they were lesbians.
And I-- I knew that
I liked hanging out there,
and playing cards,
and just being around them.
I remember, you know,
I spent a lot of time
hanging out with
my aunt as a teenager.
She's such an incredible
influence,
and important person to me.
To feel safe, really,
as I-- I look back now,
but yeah, Carol and Claire
were the only lesbians
that I'd ever met.
Being able to have
a really positive example
of queer women, you know, and
what a new experience for me,
this kid from Barrhaven,
you know, it was, uh...
it was helpful.
[director] So, tell me more
about your aunt.
So, my aunt Jocelyn,
she quit being a teacher,
a high school teacher,
because she became very close--
Well, she taught Alanis
Morissette in high school.
And-- And then when
Alanis got really big,
they sort of reconnected.
My aunt went to go visit,
and that turned into my aunt
starting to work
on the Jagged Little Pill tour.
["Ironic" by Alanis Morissette]
It's like rain
On your wedding day
I was just so blown away
by Alanis,
and her unabashed,
like, "Here I am,
and in all of my ways
that I am."
And so that was--
I'm not the only one,
it was so inspiring
for so many women, I think.
[gentle music]
So she was there as all
of that was exploding,
and then she'd go off
and be this kind of
rock and roll aunt.
So when my aunt called and said,
do you-- do you want to come
to the Lilith Fair in Toronto,
um, and bring your friends?

Those moments, there was four
moments over the weekend
where the three of us
got to be on stage
with all of these
powerhouse women,
and I remember looking
out at the audience,
and looking over here,
and seeing this whole scene,
and being like, well, this
is obviously what I want to do.
[laughs] You know?
I caught the fever
there, for sure.
So, musically, it was really
massive for me.
And I think because it took me
longer to come out,
I'd say, it-- I do think
that that had an impact,
the fact that there
was mostly women there,
lots of gay people,
and obviously the Indigo Girls,
you know, being-- being so out,
and-- and available for that.
So, I'd say it was like
the perfect thing to happen.
[director] Did you feel, like,
some kind of a kinship to them,
like, unspoken kinship?
I think that I was pretty
afraid of being gay.
So, I-- I wasn't connecting
those dots at that time.
I wrote an EP,
and a lot of those songs,
they weren't addressing,
like, my gayness,
but they were certainly
addressing identity and fear,
and... moving through
something very big.
["Pretty Things"
by Amanda Rheaume]
We could rule it all
As kings and queens
And it-- I realized this was
happening when... [laughs]
...when I got asked to be
on the cover of Extra,
which was a gay magazine
here in Ottawa,
and I was like,
well, I guess this is it.
You know? [laughs] I guess it's
like way more of a statement.
You know, like, magazines--
or those music magazines
used to be in those,
like, metal boxes,
like where newspapers were,
and I'd walk by
and be like, you know.
[director] It must have
been a huge relief,
like, once...
once it was out, it's like, wow.
It's still a work in progress.
It's really about trying
to come back to that strength
inside myself is work
I still do, like all the time.

[Drake]
I was in therapy for years.
Huge mental health advocate.
I remember coming
to a certain time
when I was about 16 years old,
and just, I was constantly
melting down.
I moved from the bad school
into another school
to try to escape
what was happening to me,
and unfortunately,
they physically beat me so much
that I-- you really couldn't...
you couldn't recognize me.
I didn't look the same.
And I came home to my mom,
and I remember sitting
at the table,
and I said,
"I'm not going back."
And she's like,
"Well, you have to go back."
And to make a long story short,
these two guys,
they fabricated
a flash mob of people
to get together, and they waited
for me outside the door.
And when I went outside--
I hid inside for a while.
I thought they would go away,
and they didn't.
So when I got outside,
they proceeded to hit me
with boards,
and to slap me for roughly
about a mile and a half.
And I just couldn't escape,
because there was 40 people
surrounding me
that was enjoying the show.
[solemn music]
So, it was pretty traumatic.
So, that was the last day.
That was the--
that was probably, as they say,
the straw that broke
the camel's back.
It-- It really was.
So, I actually went into,
like, a retreat mode.
I escaped, like I said,
to my grandparents' place,
my mom's parents,
who were very good to me,
and supported the music.
My grandfather was a huge
supporter of the music.
But the most interesting thing
was one of the perpetrators
of the two
ended up knocking
on my grandparents' door one day
with a Jehovah's Witness Bible
in their hands.
And when I opened the door,
the look on one
of their faces...
was pretty telling.
And you can imagine what
it was like in that moment.
Later-- years ago, years later,
I got a little self-entitled,
and I'd recorded a song
called, "Scars",
and it was all about me
and the abuse, and everything.
And the video
was very turbulent,
and I was in full leather.
Some people loved it,
and some people didn't like it
because it was
a little scary-looking.
But my whole life, for the first
15 years, was a little scary.
Crying softly
Hoping nobody will hear
She dries her eyes
and tries to stand up tall
She smiles bravely
Trying hard to hide
her fear
But her smile's
fooling nobody at all
She needs someone to catch hr
when she falls
It started slowly
with an unkind word or two
It was sad to see
how ugly it had grown
And what I didn't really
understand was that my mind
had found a different
way to cope
other than drugs or alcohol.
I remember asking
a psychiatrist that I'd seen,
a psychologist in Cape Breton,
you know, "Am I crazy?"
He looked at me and he said,
"Why would you ask
that question?"
He said, your mind
is so intelligent,
he said, it found another way.
It developed into maybe some
separate personalities
that would then handle
certain things
that would happen in my life.
Music was the one thing
that kept,
as we'll say,
everybody together.
So it-- it was the main vein,
basically, that we--
that everybody could agree on.
So I was always a musician,
no matter what. Always.
And today even more so.
Because I'm-- the person
you talk to today
is the person that
was pre-abuse.
[upbeat music]
Once I got my bearings mentally,
and was able to function
a little bit better,
I went into cosmetology school,
and learned how to do hair.
And I met a client who was
a jazz singer and a vocal coach.
And she heard me sing.
And she was like, "What are you
doing with this?"
And I'm like, "Ah."
I said, you know, "It's
kind of a forgotten thing."
"You sound like James Taylor,"
she said.
I'm like,
"Oh, okay, who's that?"
[laughs] Because I was like,
if it's not Culture Club
or Duran Duran,
or, like, Abba, you know.
Hyper-focused ADHD.
She's like, "Why don't you do
a couple of recordings?"
So then, I--
interestingly enough,
I found-- who was, like,
one of my best friends,
Jonathan Edwards
from Cape Breton.
We played in alternate bands
years ago.
And so we cut our first
couple of demos.
I sent one of the demos
down to Nashville
to an independent producer.
And I recorded the first record.
I think we released... [sighs]
I can't remember,
"All You Need" first.
And then came "On My Way
To Finding You",
which was the title
track to the album.
It was a song--
Michael grew up on a farm.
And this song was about a kid
that grows up on a farm.
And is looking for love
his whole-- their whole lives.
And it was, like, a song
I chose for Michael.
So "On My Way To Finding You"
was a really meaningful song.
Because it was all about him.
And his journey, I think,
to kind of finding me.
And us finding each other.
And so, you know, it's 18 years
now we've been together.
He's doomed, actually.
That's basically
what I'm telling you.
I remember running
out the screen door
We were releasing
it to Canadian radio.
And I knew it was going
to come up.
And I just didn't want
to be uncomfortable.
So I talked about it
with my publicist.
And I said,
"I want to come out."
I said, "I want to come out."
I said, "I don't care."
I said, "I don't care
what happens."
So I wanted to create something
that was a little bit
commercial.
And a lot controversial.
Now, I'm not sure
what I did so right
To find someone who loves me
like you do
'Cause if all
of my wandering days
Was a journey I was meant
to make it through
On my way to finding you
The most complicated thing
that happened in the video
was me and Michael hugged.
Because he pulled up
in the driveway.
I was waiting for him.
It ended up on a radio show
in Knoxville, Tennessee.
And there was, like,
a pile of people calling.
This was a 5 o'clock
call-in radio show.
People were calling in
from their cars.
Going, I can't believe that this
is happening in country music.
All of the straight guys
were freaking out.
Because I-- we look
just like them.
And that's the huge--
biggest threat of all,
is when you don't know, right?
And I remember how it affected
the community.
And in one way,
they completely shut down.
There was no--
even radio stations in Canada
didn't play "On My Way
To Finding You" as much.
The play started to-- to taper.
But then the emails
started to come in.
I got one.
And I'll never forget this.
"I was going to kill myself
last night.
Because I can't take
this anymore.
And I seen your video.
And I seen you
and your husband."
It was like everything was now
coming full circle yet again.
[gentle music]
You know, and that moment today,
when Michael and I were,
you know, walking together.
And-- And when I looked
at Michael,
there was a realization today
of everything we've been
through.
And all the things that he's had
to go through with me.
All the times
that I was highly criticized.
And I was shut out.
And I knew I had so much
major potential.
And I'm a really great
entertainer on a stage.
And that's--
that's where I want to be.
I want to be on a stage in front
of people all the time.
That's-- I've been wanting to do
that since I was a little kid.
I was born like that, I'm sure.
And, you know,
there was many times
when that stage wasn't there.
And Michael was the one
that was.
So, there was a lot
that we went through.
So what we did was you got out
of the truck and we hugged.
And then we went
into the house together.
And they were surmising
what you and I
were going to be doing
in the house.
- Oh, yes.
- Right?
It was all kinds of things.
And who would have known, though.
I mean, we could have been going
into the house to make
a cup of tea.
- And muffins.
- I'm a Cape Bretoner.
- I'd make a cup of tea, man.
- Of course.
You know? But today, here we are
and we're going into the woods.
Imagine what they're going
to say now.
[both laughing]
So, there was never a kiss.
There was only a hug.

A lot of water under the bridge.
Here we are.
We're still here.
Yeah, we're here.
Woo! [laughs]
I love my wife. I love my baby.
I'm so proud
of how far I've come
in this journey, and who I am.
I won't let anybody
take that away from me.
I actually do run around
saying I'm gay.
I have almost made
a point of that.
And-- And because it's what
scares me the most.
I'm afraid that people won't
play my music on radio.
Or they won't hire me for a gig.
Or they won't come to my show.
So how did you guys meet?
Jen likes to say
that I dropped in her DMs.
But that's a total
bold-faced lie.
[both laughing]
We did meet online.
We met online.
The thing about Jen that just
kind of took me back
was how open of a person
she was.
I felt closeted in so many ways.
And I just kind of kept
everything really close.
And she was so vulnerable
and open with me.
[Jen] So, we met, what, in 2015,
we met online and connected.
- And then...
- We were busy.
We went separate ways.
We kind of...
And then, fast-forward
four years.
I retired from
professional rugby, and...
And then I saw Shawnee's name
on the internet.
And the world kind of just
brought us together again.
And that's kind of how I knew
at that time
that, you know,
she was the person
I've been waiting
for my entire life.
And it kinda just-- it was
like a train on fast speed,
and nothing was going
to stop it.
It's always been very deep.
Like, a very deep connection.
A very deep, like,
honest relationship.
Say hi!
[director] So what made you
decide to have a baby?
I always had kids, my--
my family's kids around me.
And I was favourite auntie.
And so when you--
when we first met,
Jen was like, you look
like you like kids.
I don't want them.
And so I said, well,
I barely even know you.
- So, that's fine with me.
- What are you talking about?
Yeah, I don't know
where you're going.
But I-- you know,
let's just go on a date,
and we can talk about
that later.
But we did go on that date,
and we continued to go
on other dates.
And then eventually a couple
months after that,
she came to me and said,
"I would like to have
kids with you."
- I said--
- So weird, right?
And I said, you just think about
that for a little bit.
That's something I'm going
to need you
to just continue
thinking about.
And she was like, no,
I really want
to start a family with you.
And I want to have a child
or children.
I don't know what
that looks like
or how we're going
to go about it,
but I would love
to start a family with you.
She thought I was
thinking about it,
but I was so certain on what
I could see and what I wanted.
And I think when you feel
so safe with somebody,
it kind of changes
what you want in life.
The plan was for Shawnee
to carry.
And...
then the plan changed,
because I was retired,
and I already did my thing.
And I was like, oh, I'll just
give my body up for nine months.
How hard could this be?
And, like, that was harder
than the bronze medal game
at the Rio Olympic Games.
Like, I-- [laughs]
It's just like...
It's just kind of
traumatizing, to be honest.
[laughs] Some people have
beautiful pregnancies,
and-- but mine
just was awful.
Yeah, sell it a little more.
I think because my body
has so many injuries
and I didn't-- your body
changes so drastically.
Like, your ligaments start
to stretch out.
And so old injuries were
popping back up.
And the amount of hate
I got online
because I was a masc lesbian.
And it's like, I-- I identify
as she and her,
and I have short hair and sure,
I'm masculine.
But like, that shouldn't be
a reason why
I shouldn't be able to carry.
It's like, what is this thing?
Go baby, go baby, go, go, go
baby, go baby, go baby, go, go.
Yes, yes, yes!
- Go, baby! Go, go!
- She's like, no.
She literally has no fear.
[director] How do you work?
You know, do you keep
your relationship separate
from your business
or does it just mash?
They mash.
More than sometimes I'd like.
Jen was like, I can-- I want
to be your manager.
And I was like, no,
I don't need one.
I had a rotten experience
when I was younger,
and I kind of like to maintain
control over things.
And I like to know the no's
and all of that.
I don't want to give any
of that.
You know, I don't want to share
or give that.
So, and you know,
and I think we should keep
our relationships
separate, also.
So I was kind of really strict
about it.
Oh, she was so strict.
And I'll be honest,
like, I knew nothing.
I knew nothing.
What I had to offer
was my experience
from my own professional career
in certain contracts
that I signed.
And dynamics of industry
in that way.
But I really knew nothing
about the music industry.
But what I did know
is how talented Shawnee is,
and-- and my belief
in her from the hop.
The first time I saw
her sing live,
I was just like, whoa,
like, you don't hear that
anymore.
You hear a lot
of autotune or, you know,
uh, just not real,
authentic vocals.
And I was just like, what--
like, holy,
how are you not super famous?
Like, with this voice,
and the look,
and she's the whole package.
And anyway, so I entered
a song into a competition.
And I feel like, she's like,
"I never win anything."
And she won. And she won.
And it kind of, you know,
I think it really,
that win gave
her a lot of opportunity,
and opened a lot of doors.
And allowed her to, you know,
create your first EP,
which was here in Edmonton.
I took my time
with releasing an album.
I wanted to know
enough about myself.
And I wanted to be very
certain about it.
And the time felt right.
[gentle music]
And I planned this album
very strategically.
And learned that I don't
operate well there.
[laughs] It left
no space for me.
I have a big voice.
I have a pow wow voice.
It's a very big voice.
And I thought,
how do I match the big sound?
We thought we were going
to have orchestral, big sound.
And, you know, and-- and...
the more I kind of tore down
what I thought it should be.
And I thought, damn,
this sounds like,
this really sounds country.
And I really like it.
And then it's like, light bulb.
Like, oh my gosh, am I going
back to where I came from?
Like, I spent so much time
there as a younger person.
You know, like doing
the Shania Twain impersonating.
["Man! I Feel Like A Woman!"
by Shania Twain]
Forget I'm lady
Men's shirts short skirts
Oh-oh-oh
Ripped songs apart.
We did new songs.
And then I went, this is it.
Like, I've never felt...
so me before in my career.
So I wrote "Mercy" as a prayer
for myself, really.
It was meant to be something
that comforted me
through the time
of feeling condemned.
To face those feelings,
and to work through them
and honor them, and find peace
within myself.
You know, it goes like this.
Something doesn't feel
right here
Knocking on the door
at the gates of glory
I can hear them whispering
But there's no one
coming for me
I was born uninvited
They say the streets
are paved with gold
And the lights
are warm and holy
This is where
the good ones go
Few believe that story
But I know what
they're hiding
Oh, have mercy
Mercy on my soul
They say
I won't get to heaven...
I did a show recently and
my family came and surprised me.
I wanted to back away from it
and kind of retract and go,
"No, I'll just go back into my
corner and I'll just not exist."
But, um, I thought, why?
Why? Like...
It's-- it's--
It was a room,
it was a beautiful room.
The acoustics were beautiful.
And it was like,
let's just take it.
Let's just take it and
it'll be what it'll be.
But again,
it was a time where I had to go,
I know you're going
to disagree with this song
and I know you're going
to disagree with me,
but I'm going to do it anyways.
And I closed my eyes
and I just did it anyways.
But I know
what they're hiding
Oh mercy, mercy on my soul
I say I won't get to heaven
if I can't change myself
Oh mercy, mercy on my soul
The devil in me, my love, tht
means I guess I'm raising hell
[director]
What was your family's reaction?
Silence. Just kind of
silent. Some of them.
There's poison in the water
How I feel about that
is I feel that I've accepted...
I don't think it's about me.
I know my life is beautiful.
I know it's healthy and vibrant.
And my home is
a wonderful, beautiful place
filled with love
and I can love you back
even if you don't love me
the way that I want you to.
I don't want to be angry.
I don't want to be hurt.
I don't want it
to affect me in that way.
So I find peace within.
That's your journey and
all I can do is live my life.
And maybe you'll see that
it's filled with love and light.
And that's for you.
I'm just going to keep walking.
The devil in me, my love,
that means
I guess I'm raising hell
There's definitely, like,
a great music community here.
And even where we are right now,
the times change.
You know, big roots music
support here in Winnipeg.
Actually my first gig
back after my top surgery
was playing Pride Winnipeg.
So that was a big deal for me
and it was
a great reintroduction
to playing live music
after a pretty
life-changing experience.
There's a place called
Klinic with a K
that facilitates
the whole process
and makes it so that you
can get the referrals needed
to get it covered
by healthcare.
So, I was able to do that
in a relatively,
like in under a year of waiting.
Like, really in almost
six months from committing
to wanting that for myself.
I just had to do something
for my physical comfort
just to be who I am.
I was on tour at one point
and I think I had like
done laundry at some Airbnb.
And like forgotten my binder
in the dryer there.
And I got to--
And I was an hour
from where I'd been.
I just remember throwing
everything out of my suitcase,
crying into my suitcase,
putting on every sports bra
I had and you know,
finding the loosest shirt I had.
And then I had to go
do a gig,
and then after the gig,
I backtracked
and went back to that place
and found the thing
I was looking for.
I think I realized at that point
like this is really serious.
This is not like just a fashion
thing. This is a survival mode.
Even just leaving the house
to go to a grocery store
out in rural Manitoba
made me feel uncomfortable.
Even if nobody
would see anything.
Just the experience of movement.
That was a huge life changing
and improving step
for me that I did in 2025.
[director] How has that
changed you creatively?
Well creatively I would
say it's always a challenge
to be a creative person.
And I always have been
and always will be.
I would say
just even performance
is a lot easier for me.
For example, if I want
to hang out after I've played,
and even talking
to people after a show,
so much more comfortable
now that I'm not binding.
And just knowing that
I'm okay with myself physically
in that way is a huge--
It's a huge confidence boosting
energy to be carrying around.
Why can't I be even
So tired of upheaving
Only believing
In the lows and the highs
I feel like my new music
better expresses
my genderqueerness in a sense
and these are topics that,
in a very poetic
and I would say, in a loose way,
do get touched on and...
I released a song actually
in September called,
"Not Much of an Outlaw,"
that directly,
I don't even think I was trying
to when I was writing it.
But things came out about,
there's a line that says,
"Some parts never grow back,
some we never can find."
I'm all out of comebacks
From all of my setbacks
Some parts never grow back
Some we never can find
I spent a lifetime
Sentencing my own crimes
Hiding from the sunshine
Protecting a frail mind
Not much of an outlaw
Just say it like I saw
Not much of a lover
But I love her all the time
When I looked at those lines
that I wrote in retrospect,
I think I realized, "Oh I'm
writing about genderqueerness,"
and those feelings about surgery
and feelings
about gender and sexuality
that I've never really
put into song writing before.
Not much of an outlaw
Just say it like I saw
Not much of a lover
But I love her all the time
In the chorus I say,
"Not much of an outlaw,
just say it like I saw."
Which is probably
the most outlaw thing
that you can do in a sense
is just...
Just be honest and, and um...
not sugar coat
and not pretend to be
someone you're not.
Like, an outlaw could be
a bit of like, a bandito
and someone who's
running from the law.
And in a sense, I think,
yeah, as a queer person,
who's moving through
these worlds of country music
and in these very coded spaces,
like, I think there is
an element of being an outlaw
in that sense.
Just say it like I saw
Not much of a lover
But I love her all the time
I think I've become, you know,
as close to outlaw
as I'm ever going to be, I hope.
You know, I don't want to really
be outlawed from any place.
But you know, I've--
I mean, I got kicked
out of Robert's Western World
once in Nashville because
they thought I was on acid.
So, there you go.
You know, because I was
wearing black sunglasses
and couldn't
see the American money.
They just asked me to leave,
you know?
A couple years later,
I was up on stage
in my, you know,
rhinestone suit,
singing with the band
at Robert's Western World
and I had to remind them
that I've been kicked out
of this bar before.
[director]
How did that make you feel,
being up there
after being kicked out?
Good.
Damn good.
Not much of a lover
But I love her all the time
[country instrumental]
[Patrick] I was in Nashville
in the mid 90's
and I remember thinking,
"Never mind the gay thing,
They have a race thing."
It was just--
It was like a different world.
And that's when I met Mel Shaw.
And I was
working with Ray Carroll,
the lead singer of the Platters.
He was my first manager.
Mel, he knew everybody.
He couldn't understand
why we couldn't get a showcase.
"They'll never
help Patrick, Mel.
Because he's gay."
I never thought
about the gay thing, right?
But then there was always that,
you know?
The shoe dropped.
And I was like,
they're never going to help me.
So, alls I can do is
make it better
for someone who comes after me.
I've been
promoting country music,
Canadian country music,
around the world for 30 years.
We're all put here
who and how we are.
We're all unique entities,
so everybody is an original.
So, I think we're put here to
show that and shine that, right?
I'm determined to end
the stigma of HIV and AIDS.
I was negative
my whole life until 45.
I was drugged and gang raped
and intentionally infected
with HIV.
I don't remember anything.
I don't know
who these people were.
And so, I-- I've been--
I started with that
and I got involved
with HIV Edmonton.
And I worked
with AIDS Vancouver.
I'm one of those activists who,
if I don't show up,
people lose rights.
[Amanda] One of the stories
my grandpa always told me
is that when they moved
to God's Lake, Manitoba,
my great grandpa got a job
in the mine there,
that they weren't allowed
to live where the town line,
like where the townies lived.
You know,
the people working in the mine.
And they also weren't allowed to
live with the Indigenous people
on the reservation.
And I guess they built
their own kind of log cabin,
as my grandpa tells me,
like physically in the middle
of those two places
and that really struck me
you know,
because there's a like,
there's a belonging, you know,
aspect to that.
And I think that like,
Mtis people have,
you know, it's our own,
we have our own culture.
We have our own experience
as Indigenous people
from so-called Canada.
[director] How did
that influence your music?
It felt like I didn't really
belong anywhere, you know,
even with being gay.
Like, I used to feel like,
I'm not gay enough,
you know,
or I'm not Mtis enough.
And so, really living
in between these places.
And not in a comfortable way.
In a like, ugh, I don't
feel safe here, you know.
So needing to find
that safety in myself.
And I definitely think I did
that through writing songs
about my own family's history.
When they came
Took me a way
To that place
of painted face
And powdered crowns
On that day
I took my place
I won my case,
I took my faith
And I took 'em down
I think that I've really had
to come to terms with like,
"Well, this is me and I can't
change where I came from
and I can't change who
I am on the inside."
And really coming to this place
of being able to celebrate it.
Ooh, ooh
I took 'em down
[Shawnee] When I started
spending time
with a Two-Spirit elder
and I started spending time
in my community
and learning more
about my culture
and what that means
to be Two-Spirit,
I felt more embraced
than I think
I've ever felt before.
Blood remembers
Love knows no limits
The meaning of the spirit
Fire, feet don't fail me now
Freedom to claim back
To the place we find
Our way home
We were celebrated
within our communities,
traditionally and historically,
our ancestors celebrated
Two-Spirit people.
And they
existed in the community.
And thrived with special gifts.
Home
Oh hia hia,
ooh, hia hia hia
And so, what I was taught
is that each Two-Spirit person
is a very,
it was specifically
given to you by the Creator.
Love listen
Spirits talk
They carry the walk
Around the flame
To offer things, you know,
things like
healing in the world
and offer gifts like, you know,
teaching through voice.
My God forsaken love
Oh, my God forsaken love
Ooh
When it came
to creating a visual
for one of my songs on the album
Called "Dear God",
I wanted it to be very real.
I didn't want to dance around
What the song was about.
My God forsaken love
I wanted to
visually tell the story
of how religion impacted me,
as an Indigenous person
and as a gay person
and continues to do so.
There's history here.
And it means something.
And it just felt really right.
This location felt really right.
Like we should have been
here the whole time.
Um, and yeah.
And then we have
the mountain to the back
and it was
just really, really cool.
It was a really, really
good day and it was amazing.
And my baby's here
and my wife is here.
Having a good day.
But there's a lot of bugs
and a lot of bees
and a lot of things happening
and I'm pretty sure
that something
went in my crevice, but...
and I damaged
my knees and my legs
- from dropping to the floor, um.
- [cameraperson] Aw.
But yeah, that's a wrap.
Oh, my God forsaken love
My God forsaken love
Oh, God, please I pray
If I'm condemned,
I'll live in grave
The only thing
I'm doing on Sunday
Is screaming her name
[Jen] Shawnee was
performing "Dear God",
and there
was two guys in the crowd
that were hugging and crying
and they came after
Shawnee performed.
And they found Shawnee
and they go,
"Thank you for that song
Because I saw myself
in that song."
And that is why...
like, I don't want
to speak for Shawnee,
but I just watch her
and why she does music
and it's for those moments.
[music video director]
And action.
[Shawnee] It was just
like this understanding
of what it took
to get to where we are.
Oh dear God, dear God
Whoa, whoa
My God forsaken love
And the things that we faced
to be in that moment
and in that time and share that.
So, that's what music does.
That's why it's so magical
and powerful
and I never want
to take that for granted.
Hank Williams,
are you watching me
Do you talk to me,
do you walk with me
Do you want to
Feedback on the mic lines
tells me that you do
A lot of the inspiration for me
has come from young people.
Like even before I changed
my pronouns
and came out as non-binary
and genderqueer,
there were young people
sometimes at my shows
who would say,
"It means so much to me
to see you doing this
and playing country music."
Heroes often die
in the making
They leave their loved ones
with their hearts breaking
These young people were so brave
and knew who they were
and here I was still fighting
who I was well into my 30s.
[indistinct lyrics]
Wanna have fun
[indistinct]
One of the best shows
I've ever played in Winnipeg
was here at the Times Changed
High and Lonesome Club
opening for Lavender Country,
from the late Patrick Haggerty,
who was one of the very first
out country artists.
Say hey, good lookin',
what ya got cooking'
How's about cookin'
somethin' up with me
And somehow in between
us playing that show together
and him passing, we actually
had this incredible phone call
after they had left town.
Some of the things he told me
in that phone call that we had
just actually
brought me to tears
and I'm going to try to...
I'm going to try to like,
paraphrase what he said.
Basically he told me that
I couldn't see the gift
that I was giving to this world.
It's natural if you would
have no clue about this
because you're just
busy doing the work.
Because I was telling him
how important what he did was
for me and he basically just
flipped it around on me.
And it's funny because they say,
"Don't meet your heroes."
But I think in queer country,
like yeah, meet your heroes
because they're probably
A fucking amazing person,
you know, who will,
like hold your hand
and look you in the eye
and tell you that
you're going to be alright.
Turn me round
Turn me round
Last night, I heard
a ruckus down the road
No time to lose
and so away I go
I saw the lights
at the junction
Pulled in my wheels
and checked the show
Turn me round
They're dancin'
round, round, round
I think that
if I really as interested
in targeting a demographic,
I would be a completely
different kind of artist
than I am.
I think that I really have
to follow my instincts
to maintain the real
true essence of who I am.
And I walked right in
Allemande left
and rip it on up
And circle back and go
It was a square dance
Like a rockin' rodeo
Turn me round
I went to a k.d. lang concert
in Montreal.
That was part of the
Montreal Jazz Festival.
And it was a real
older audience.
I was probably one of
the youngest people there.
Something came over me
where I just felt compelled
to get up and dance
And I just remember that
k.d. lang moved on the stage.
and just came right to stage,
I guess, left,
and started
like dancing with me.
And I just felt so-- [laughing]
I just felt so empowered
in that moment.
And like, I was--
I felt like I was having
this direct connection
with k.d. lang and why not?
Woo-hoo!
Wait up, little boy!
Take it from the top,
and tear it on up
And after the show
I tried to get backstage
and there was a security guard.
She saw my face
and just opened the door.
And was like this.
And I just ran in.
And I remember it was
almost like Mission Impossible.
I was hiding around corners.
And I was hearing things, like,
"k.d. wants this," or what not.
I didn't get to find her.
I think, actually,
I got kicked out
by another security guard
who saw me wandering around.
And I ended up just having
smokes with her band outside.
I mean k.d. Lang,
I feel like is the first
like lesbian woman
that I can remember seeing
as out or like,
as visibly, like,
okay, that's--
what's going on here,
as a young person,
you know,
so that's super impactful
and I'm sure
very difficult for her.
when she started performing.
I mean, I can't speak for her,
but I can only imagine.
Since I came out, I'm more
at liberty than I've ever been.
You know,
my defenses aren't there
and I haven't the need
to use metaphors so much.
And I think probably just,
you know, getting older, and...
not caring so much
lets me sort of,
I guess, chart the course
and then helps me get there.
You know, I really,
I really wanted to go
a little more groove-oriented,
a little more,
you know, R&B,
and, you know,
the lush strings, and...
The beautiful chord
arrangements, you know,
that's a lot has
to do with bands.
Being the first female icon
in music to come out.
And be out and proud
and how that would rub...
specific people and
specific ideas in the wrong way.
To be the trailblazer in,
you know, in the music
industry and having to...
be on the platform
and show up on the stage
and do it anyways,
regardless of the hardship
that she has probably faced
in her lifetime.
[indistinct lyrics]
The next dance,
will be a circle square.
I was biking home
and I had to stop on
the side of the road
and just sit on
some random lawn somewhere.
And I just cried.
I just cried from
this very deep place.
I just felt so inspired, and...
something about just
her commitment to what she does
had just shown me
this is what I need to do.
And knowing that the road
ahead of me was
gonna be so hard, so intense,
and so in need
of that commitment.
[Patrick] I basically try
to give artists
that are marginalized
or underrepresented
the opportunity on
the stage I never had.
[director] Why did you start
your record label?
I started it because I realized
I needed to have a label
because to self produce.
Little bit of Saturday
For a little bit of Saturday
I wanna drink in my cup
Down a couple shots
Tell the DJ that we're ready
We're rippin' up
the floor for a
Little bit of Saturday
It's called Y75 Records.
Yellow's my favourite colour
and I was born in 1975,
so I did Y75 records.
I mean, it's getting
harder and harder
and harder
to make a living, right?
And now with streaming,
you don't make any money.
I mean, we used
to make a CD for three bucks
and sell it for 25 bucks.
We now get a quarter of a penny.
And then I started
to realize when I started
to do the inclusive music stuff
and I started realizing there's
a lot of artists out there,
and that's when I started
the mentorship project as well,
to help, you know,
younger people get into
the business and so
they don't get ripped off.
And, you know,
then I started to see the need.
So I just-- I just said,
anybody who wants
to go through the label,
distribution, whatever,
the only criteria we have,
you know what, is talent.
Imagine that, eh?
[gritty stomp-clap instrumental]
It's been a turbulent
couple of years
since we've performed
together last.
- Right.
- But I'm really happy
that you're here
with me today to do this.
Of course,
we have a long history.
- We do indeed.
- Many years now,
I think we started.
I think--
Okay, you're
gonna have to correct me,
but I think it was
the Ottawa Gay Men's Chorus
and I was performing
and you were playing.
- Yeah.
- Down at St. Bridget's, right?
- Right.
- I got invited
to this fundraiser
because I'd always do
anything I could possibly.
Wherever I could get
on a stage, I would go.
So I was there performing
and Matthew Larkin
was playing for somebody else
who was performing.
And he took me aside at the end,
he said, "Oh, my God."
He said, "The voice,"
he said, "That voice."
He said, "can we do something
together and work together?"
I was just like,
whoa, who's this guy?
So I came up and introduced
myself to you.
Yeah. And I felt really
good because you were like,
oh, let's do something together.
And we finally-- we did.
We've performed here a couple of
times.
This is your-- This is--
I want to let everybody know,
this is your turf here.
This is the church
where you perform all the time.
And of course,
you've been around the world
and playing the organ
and playing piano.
And here you are today
playing piano for me.
Yeah. You know, and we're
gonna be on TV together.
Yeah. Beautiful.
One of the things
I'm really proud of,
especially in the days of,
you know, today where AI
is so prevalent
and nobody's
really singing anymore,
the one thing
I really pride myself on is
being a good live singer
and being able to get out there
and relate to people
and using my voice,
you know, in that way.
That's what's always driven me.
I always say, you know,
I can sing the phone book.
I love singing everything
and I'll sing whatever I can.
Because it's always
been the thing that kept
the light burning inside me.
Like I said, we'll record
this song and re-release...
- this song.
- Well, I think it's--
[Michael]
It's such an important sentiment
that's in the song, right?
And I can relate to it where,
you know,
sometimes we have to get over
relationships
that haven't worked out.
I guess one way of
saying it is in our favor,
you know,
and it's just not meant to be.
And it takes time
to accept that.
- Yep.
- And there is a whole--
there's those
various stages of grief.
I'm not gonna enumerate them,
but one of them
is definitely anger.
- Yes.
- Right?
But when we get past that,
we can be open to
other relationships that,
you know,
are gonna be ultimately
what we're looking for.
[playing piano solo]
Guess I took the long road
But at least I made it here
Finally
I've lived long enough
To let the anger disappear
Know me then
See me now
Yeah, I figured it
out somehow
Ain't gonna live forever
Heart in hand,
it's now or never
Gonna be the man
I'm meant to be
And I know that love
will find me
When I put
the past behind me
Gonna fight until
I'm finally free
To be the man meant to be
"Guess I took the long road
but at least I made it here,
and finally
I've lived long enough
to let the anger disappear,"
because I was really angry
for a really long time.
And the music business,
which I've never really
been involved in,
angered me because
it left me out.
Left me out. And then I had to
get over that anger and say, oh.
Because I always
had Michael going,
well, what about that email?
I realized that
the man I'm meant to be
is exactly who is
sitting here right now.
And that's quite the revelation.
It's been quite the day.
Yeah, I figured it
out somehow
Ain't gonna live forever
Heart in hand,
it's now or never
Want to be the man
I'm meant to be
[director]
So what would you say are
the high points of
your career?
Coming out.
Coming out,
it changed everything.
I think it kind
of shut everything down
in a weird way, but I...
You know,
the emails that we got from
people,
like I said before,
it's the...
It's the, "I didn't kill myself
tonight because I seen this."
To be the man
I'm meant to be
To be the man I meant
To
Be
And when I put myself
back together again, I thought,
if I'm gonna create a map
on how to do something,
even if I'm
gonna do it when I'm 40,
then I want other people
to be inspired by that,
to be able to know that they can
go do that no matter what.
Using the music as a delivery
system to let somebody know,
even now, you can do
anything you want to do.
I've managed
to garner a fan base.
I've managed to get
on terrestrial radio.
I'VE managed to have a top
40 hit as an independent artist
without any
label support whatsoever.
People say, oh, you know,
guys will approach me online
and say, oh, you're famous.
And I'm like,
oh, no, I'm gaymous.
[gentle acoustic guitar playing]
I don't hide my heart
like I did before
I don't keep it locked
behind closed doors
This is a song I...
wrote with Jason Blaine
down in Nashville.
And it was at a time
in my life where,
yeah, I was in
a relationship with someone
and feeling pretty good,
you know,
and had gone down
to do this write--
This write session, or
this write trip, writing trip.
In Nashville,
you write at 10, 2 and 6.
There's these like
structured times
and everyone either have,
you know, how many writes
you got today.
It's like I got two
and I got a six, you know,
and this
was a six o' clock write.
And both Jason and I had
had two other writes that day.
So we sort of enter the space
a bit fried, actually.
And we don't know each other.
He probably didn't even know
that I was gay.
I'm breaking free
to go outside
Where I don't feel
I have to hide
But we sat down
and we were like, oh, gosh,
I wonder if we're even
gonna get a song out of this,
but who cares?
We'll just hang out.
And he said, "Well,
how you been feeling these days?
You know,
why don't we start there?"
And I thought about it,
and I was like, "Well,
I've actually been
feeling pretty good."
And I realized that
that felt weird to say.
That I realized that,
oh, I'm actually not,
like, in some distress or, like
struggling with this or that.
I'm feeling pretty happy.
I'm dating someone
that's awesome, and...
I'm in Nashville,
like, things are rolling along.
And so it became a song
about feeling good about myself
and being in
the skin that I'm in
and who that is
and what that represents.
And so we came up
with "The Skin I'm In".
And it's the first song
I ever actually mention
a pronoun in, like, you know,
I wasn't putting
gay lyrics into my songs.
And this was the first time that
I did that, which felt like a--
Yeah, like
a very significant moment.
I'm better than
I've ever been
I don't have to change
for no one else
I'm learning how
to love myself
Yeah, I'm alright
Just living in
The skin I'm in
I don't hold on to the past
I don't carry chains
or wear a mask
I found someone
to hold my hand
And she loves me
for who I am
I'm learning
how to breathe again
I'm better than
I've ever been
Don't have to change
for no one else
I'm learning how
to love myself
Yeah, I'm alright
Just livin' in
The skin I'm in, ooh
My friend
ShoShona Kish called me.
She was like, okay, well, do
you want to set a record label?
It was just this thing
that just wanted to be.
Every day
a little less "I am"
To myself "yes I'm trying"
Stay brave, stay brave
Every day I'm finding
Ishkd in Anishinaabemowin
means "fire".
And one of
our animating principles
of the label is songs
for the Eighth Fire.
And the Eighth Fire comes
from an Anishinaabe prophecy,
the Seven Fires prophecy.
And as I've been told,
you know, there's seven fires.
And every fire comes with
a different prophet and message.
It's being spoken about that
we're in the time of
the Seventh Fire.
It's time that we choose
between two roads.
And one of the paths is
a path of destruction
and extraction and darkness.
And then the other path
is a path where
we return to our teachings.
And...
and depending on
which path we choose,
if we choose
the path of our teachings
and returning
to those good ways,
we can light
the eighth and final fire,
which is a time of
eternal peace and harmony.
And so, you know,
when we're thinking about, like,
what do we stand for at
the record label with artists,
Our hope is that we're
trying to change the world.
You know, just be--
just casually trying
to change the world.
But it's about that good work
and it's about
the sharing of ourselves
and our stories and our truths
in hopes of lighting
that eighth and final fire.
And I mean, there's prophecies
in all kinds of cultures
that are sort of pointing to
this time, and...
I mean, it feels like
a responsibility, actually,
to be an artist
and to be singing
and speaking
those hard truths.
I think at this point in time
in life, it's a challenge
that we're all facing
is to sort of
be the most authentically
ourselves as we can be.
And the circle is stronger
when we're all there,
when we're all ourselves there.
You know, like,
not pretending to be
something that we're not,
not pretending
to be somebody else
because that might
be better or easier,
but it's actually
a responsibility
to show up as you.
I think as we move
into this AI...
whole thing,
being brave enough to be
the most human versions
of ourselves.
Music is music, art is art.
People are people.
Hearts are hearts. Like...
There's not-- there's not...
anything in anyone's
identity, I think,
except for hate,
that can change that.
So, as long as
there's not that hate there.
I think people
are definitely open.
And. Did you hear my whistling?
Yeah.
Should I still do that
along with you?
If that was comfortable for you.
Do whatever is comfortable--
I think he wanted me to
put this closer down, right?
I brought this down, 'cause--
Yeah.
Sorry, it was just...
[speaking indistinctly]
- Is that okay for you?
- Yeah.
[whistling]
Don't fence me in
Don't misgender me.
Don't fence me in
Don't pigeonhole me.
Don't
Fence
Me in
I think we're running
into the same note on the--
on the ending, possibly.
Like, we're too similar.
On the last note?
I forgot to add the third--
No, not on the guitar,
but on the voice one.
So if we, like,
practice our little--
- Yeah.
- We practice
our little harmony thing
all together.
From the long--
Don't fence
Yeah, that's where I
think I'm doing--
- I can go down there.
- Can you go up?
I can go up.
I'm better, I--
- My voice blends better--
- Okay, let's go down.
- But then don't--
- And then he's also
- going down way.
- You're gonna go way down.
- Yeah.
- So you want the high harmony
- on the top?
- Or don't do it.
Or do what? Why don't
you do a fiddle thing?
Since you have
a high thing and you're--
You know what I mean?
Like, maybe don't sing the note.
We'll sing the note.
I feel like Caitlin
for some reason went there,
but I certainly wouldn't be
comfortable singing that note.
So I don't blame you
if you're not.
If it's not natural,
coming natural,
maybe do a violin outro.
Right?
Let's try it. Let's try it.
Don't
Fence
Me in
Yeah.
What do you think, Micah?
Okay. Yeah.
What do you say, Micah?
[Micah]
Well, I really like that,
and I think that I could just
clip that into it if you want.
Beyond commercial success,
there's such
an incredible world of,
I think, you know,
community, and...
different things,
like even doing this,
being part of this documentary,
talking about...
queer country, you know...
It's an opportunity
to reach people,
to inspire people or even
let them know that we exist.
You know, this is possible.
Oh, give me land,
lots of land
Under starry skies above
Don't fence me in
Let me ride through the wide
open country that I love
Don't fence me in
I wanna be by myself in
the evenin' breeze,
Listen to the murmur of
the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever
but I ask you please
Don't fence me in
Just turn me loose,
let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies
On my Cayuse,
let me wander over yonder
Till I see
the mountain rise
I want to ride to the ridge
where the west commences
And gaze at the moon till
I lose my senses
And I can't look at hovels
and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in
[whistling to the tune]