Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991) Movie Script
2
Give me a break
So you guys excited?
- Dream come true.
Yeah, Europe again.
It's just my parents trying
to get rid of me for two months.
What else is new?
So Swell, when's your Mom
leaving for Australia?
Ooh, in about an hour and a half.
I can't wait
I'm getting get rid of her
for two whole months you guys
Wait, I don't understand.
So your mom can afford to go to Australia
But she can't afford to send you to Europe
With some friends for graduation?
- Yeah, aren;t you pissed you can't go?
- Ah, her boyfriend's paying for it.
He wants her to see his sheep ranch.
Besides, she needs the growing
experience a lot more than I do.
She's leaving you guys all alone?
What about the kids? Hmmm
Kenny will watch Zack, Melissa will
watch Walter, And I'll have Mom's car.
I can go to the beach,
I can stay out as late as I want to.
I can do anything. I'm a free woman
Melissa lunch, Honey
- Come on.
- Yeah, Right!
Melissa, Right now.
- Elvis needs fresh water.
- I'll do it in a minute
Zack, put it back.
- Right Now
- If you need money, ask me first
- Okay then. Can I get ten dollars?
- forget it.
Fry you suckers.
Earth to Melissa
How come you gotta go?
Because. I've had a very rough 37 years
and I need a break
You swore you'd sign me up for baseball
- Little League will be there next year.
- So will Australia
- I wish Dad were around.
- No you don't
Kenny, c'mon give me a break
You haven't taken out the trash in weeks,
And the lawn needs mowing
And your room looks like a disaster area
- See you, Swell.
- Bye bye, Swell
Stay away from her.
She's in one of her Terminator moods.
Hey, Nicole
Swell, how's my baby
In your dreams, babe.
Hi, Mom
Why did you leave
your dishes in the sink... For me?
God, you take these things so personally.
- The dishwashers full, ok.
- So empty it
That's Kenny's job
Kenny, Get back here
Right Now!
I'll do it later, Mom! I promise
Is your Mom like leaving for like months?
Oh, shit, you're right. Bye, Mom
- Bye Mom. Have a blast!
- Right
Rock and roll!
- No prizes.
- Hey, Swell
- Hi.
Well as usual, your brother's proven he's not
the least bit involved with this family.
Oh relax, Mom. I'll keep him in Line.
Well, did you see his report card?
He got all D's.
Well did you yell at him?
No. I couldn't.
It's an improvement.
So Mom, takin' off on us
like that, huh?
Shirkin' all that
parental responsibility.
Oh, I'm sure everything
will be taken care of.
Yeah. Relax, Mom
Everything's gonna be great
when you're gone.
Hello, dear.
I'm Mrs. Sturak I babysitter
I'm Mrs. Sturak.
I'm the baby-sitter.
- Mother?
- She seems very nice.
Right? And she has
lots of experience.
Of course she does.
She's 200 years old.
It's not fair.
Baby-sitters suck.
- Mrs. Sturak.
- Yes?
You know there are
five children?
- Yes, of course.
- Do you think you can handle the job?
Of course I can.
My family's all gone.
Taking care of others' little ones
is my whole life.
I didn't get a chance
to go to the store...
but there's money in here for groceries
and some spending money for the kids.
There's also a list of instructions,
and the phone number in Australia.
- You go have a lovely time.
- Thank you.
Walter, come give Mommy a kiss.
Bye, Elvis.
Melissa, want to
come down from there?
- No.
- Get down from there.
I can't believe you're
doing this to me. A baby-sitter?
Honey, I couldn't
leave you kids all alone.
You're not capable of running the show
while I'm gone. You're not an adult yet.
Now, I know we've been over this
at least a thousand times...
but please, don't do anything
you know I'd be against.
I don't wanna hearyou've given
this nice old lady a hard time.
You're gonna miss your flight.
Promise me you'll go register
at City College for fall, okay?
I haven't quite
decided on that yet.
I'll miss you.
- Bye, Mom.
- Yeah.
Bye, everybody.
Listen to Mrs. Sturak.
Mom, can you call us every day?
Walter, this is Mom's vacation,
but I'll try.
Mrs. Sturak knows
where to reach me.
Bye, sweetheart.
Be good.
Love you. Bye, honey.
Be good, everybody!
Take care of each other!
You little maggots, line up!
Time to go over the rules!
Excuse me?
Are you serious?
You can't run a tight ship
without rules. Now move!
- What's this lady's problem?
- I'm scared.
I am too.
Lady, I don't know what your deal is,
but you're not here to order us around.
I've had about enough
ofyour lip, missy.
Cooperate...
or I'll make your summer
a living hell!
Dr.. Louise Westheimer..
Alaska
Alaska-- Alaska container.
Alaska spill.
Hey! I was watching that!
TV rots your brains.
Go to your room
I expect a complete report tomorrow
morning on the life of the aardvark.
Cynthia, you're my moon goddess.
Time for little boys
to be in bed.
Can't you see
I'm in the middle of a date?
And time for little trollops
to go home!
Wait! You can't.
Cynthia, wait!
I'll call you later.
Darling.
It's time for little girls
to dress like little girls.
Sugar and spice!
God is definitely
pissed off at me.
I have no money.
I have no boyfriend.
You guys are gonna be
in Europe all summer.
Yeah, my mom left us with
this deranged Mary Poppins.
We've gotta get rid
of the old lady.
Nicole, hang on.
Why are you wearing name tags?
- She has trouble remembering things.
- We're to wear them at all times.
She's getting us up at the butt-crack
of dawn to tidy up the garage.
Oh, God. Nicole,
I have to call you back.
All right. Bye.
I really don't think
I can live like this.
Okay, I'll talk to her.
It's time we let her know the rules.
- Yeah, we outnumber her.
- Let's kick some ass.
Probably can't even hear me.
Look, Mrs. Sturak.
Whetheryou thinkyou can
push us around or not...
we've decided that we're not
gonna take any more ofyour crap.
First of all,
the name tags have gotta go.
Mrs. Sturak,
are you even listening to me?
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
Hey, get out.
Kenny, come downstairs.
You're not gonna believe this.
I told you to talk to her. Didn't want
you to send her to the glue factory.
I didn't kill her.
She died in her sleep.
Probably choked on her whistle.
- She doesn't look dead.
- That's 'cause it just happened.
So you can't really tell,
like a MacGyver..
What should we do with her body?
Call an ambulance? Call the cops?
I don't know.
They're gonna ask us
a lot of questions.
They'll probably blame us.
- They'll definitely call Mom.
- She'll blame us
She'll hop the next flight home,
and then she'll be in our faces.
- I don't want Mom to come home.
- I don't either.
- Easy.
- She's starting to stink.
It's too soon.
It must be you.
- Shut up.
- Be careful.
- I got her.
- I mean my skateboard.
You ran over my foot.
Sure she's gonna fit?
How should I know?
I've never done this before.
Well, neither have I.
I think we should
measure her first.
- Let's hack off her head!
- Yeah!
All right, go get that
metal tape measure out of the garage.
Would you stop ordering us around?
You're not the baby-sitter.
That's right, Kenny.
The baby-sitter is dead.
Now just do it.
We're saving the ambulance people
a trip, right?
When they find her,
they'll take care of everything.
And no one has to know
she was our sitter.
She said she didn't
have any family, so this is--
This is really
the decent thing to do.
Hey, Bobby
Now, who would do such a thing?
It's the lifting that gets me.
God, I feel terrible.
I should've been nicer to her.
I should've cooperated.
Yeah. She was a great baby-sitter.
- Where are you going?
- I'm going shopping for food.
Yeah! Massive party supplies!
I got shotgun!
You're taking Mrs. Sturak's car?
Zach, life goes on.
I mean, come on.
This car's a classic.
I think that she'd
want it this way, don't you?
How much did Mom leave us?
There's no money in here.
I saw Mom give it
to Mrs. Sturak.
Well, she must've
taken it out.
Holy shit!
- Where is the damn thing?
- Shoot!
Out of my way!
Come on! Come on!
- Maybe it's here.
- I looked in there already.
- Find it?
- She must've had it on her.
It's ours! Go back
and get it from the old hag!
Yeah, right. We go and say, "Excuse me.
We left money on our dead baby-sitter."
No way.
- Who's gonna clean this place up?
- Not me.
What are we gonna do for cash
for the next two months?
How about a garage sale?
- We live in the boonies.
- How about calling Dad?
- Dad doesn't care.
- What about blackmailing Dad?
What about donating blood?
They pay you.
You have to be over 18
There goes our great summer.
Hello?
Mom.
Hi, Mom.
How's Australia?
Oh really? Great.
Yeah, they're fine.
Everything's fine.
Oh, Mrs. Sturak?
Well, she's not here right now.
She had a date.
Some guy.
A mortician.
Relax. I'm looking after things while
she's gone. Everything's gonna be fine.
I love you too.
Okay.
All right, bye.
- You only got one bag of chips.
- We could only afford the necessities.
This place is a crock.
We're never gonna make it two months.
Man, I'm gonna
hole up at Lizard's.
That's real brotherly.
Don't you have any pride?
When our food's gone,
we can eat Elvis.
What do you want from me?
Would you like me to call Mom back?
'Cause I can.
Want to call Aunt Pat...
or go crawling to one of
Mom's semi-wretched friends?
We don't need a warden.
We don't need an adult around telling us
when to eat, sleep and vacuum, right?
We could have a great summer.
We just gotta stick together.
- Okay, yeah.
- Totally.
Well, one of us
has to get a job.
I'm not gonna.
We don't have any choice.
We'll flip for it.
Mama Celeste face up,
I go to work.
Mama Celeste face down, you're sellin'
carnations on a freeway off-ramp.
Okay, I'll get a job.
But you gotta stay and watch the kids.
Hey, no problem, twisted sister.
I can get a job
at a clothing store.
They'll hire me in a second.
It'll be great.
You gotta squeeze the fat
out of those burgers better.
You're gettin' the hang of it.
I'm Bryan.
Swell, remember.
Put on a happy face.
Did he just finish
reading Dianetics?
- No. He's just on helium.
- Bryan.
Another happy delivery.
You gotta put chili on those Clown Dogs,
and keep it movin'.
This is great, man.
My sister's working.
There's no one around
nagging me anymore.
- I'm born free.
- Hey, dude.
- Let's go to the Guitar Center.
- Wait, guys.
We seem to be experiencing
a negative cash-flow problem here.
Let's go to my place.
I'll rip off my mom's MasterCard again.
Master the possibilities.
I gotta get out of here.
My dad is pissed about my report card.
I gotta kiss ass a couple more days.
You know what, guys?
We keep this up, we're never
gettin' out of school, man.
Far out!
Rock and roll!
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- Did you have a lot of deliveries?
- Yeah. I'm the stork of fast food.
You're lucky.
It's better than being here.
Yeah, I guess.
God, this place is so disgusting.
- How can you stand it?
- Just try to hang with it.
Shit.
- Gross.
- Not your dream job, huh?
You got that right.
You'd think I woke up
this morning and thought...
"Gee, I'd love to scrub fat vats.
I'd love to smile
and work with raw meat."
At least it gives you
some extra cash.
I'm not working at the big top from hell
for pocket money.
My mom's out of town, and I have
my brothers and sister to feed.
And no one's gonna hire a teenager
to do anything that isn't disgusting.
Why can't I just get a job
at some nice, clean office?
Why don't you just quit?
How's the scrubba-dub-dubbing going?
You're almost
doing that correctly...
but you forgot
one very big thing.
- Not enough cleanser?
- Nope.
Forgot to put on a happy face.
Next, you get to scrape the spitballs
off the drive-through window...
with a really fun squeegee!
See, Mr. Eggs
Finish the Happy Fat vats yourself.
thanks for your advice
Maybe I'll see you around.
You're just copying it
right out of the book?
I changed the name, and I'm adding
some glamorous fashion stuff.
Spell that a little faster.
Your number?
Excuse me.
- I'm applying for the receptionist job.
- Hold.
Reception.
I can't right now.
I have to stay and redirect all the
incompetents who are coming up here...
instead of going straight to Personnel
like they are supposed to.
All right, all right.
I'll be right there.
You'll have about 1 2 seconds.
You are supposed to go down
to Personnel.
That is on...
the first floor.
There is a great big sign
that says...
"Personnel.
Do you ...
understand?
Where's Carolyn?
Mousy-brown hair, gives you a headache?
- Talks like she's chewing her face?
- That's her.
She'll be back in a few seconds.
I'm here for the receptionist job.
- Is this your rsum?
- Yeah.
Wow.
Very impressive.
- This is fabulous.
- Thank you.
Listen. They're looking for
a receptionist to replace Carolyn.
She's supposed to move up to be
my executive administrative assistant.
I can't stand her, so do me a favor.
You be my assistant.
I'll just tell 'em
I hired outside the company.
What about
the receptionist job?
What, are you burnt out?
You wanna take a step down?
Well, I won't let you.
I need you.
And besides, you're so overqualified
for entry level, it's ridiculous.
For God's sakes,
you're a Vassar gal.
And you'd much rather
be my executive assistant.
Please say yes.
Yes!
We're up here with
the other vice presidents...
our executive staff
and our advertising people.
Downstairs are the designers...
our warehouse and showroom,
and our manufacturing and assembly line.
You graduated six, years ago,
so you're 27, 28?
- Yeah.
- You don't look it.
My last assistant was only 23
and still wet behind the ears.
Okay, this is your office.
Mine's through the archway.
These are your things.
Your Rolodex.
There's your computer,
WordStar and Lotus.
There's your mouse.
The refrigerator's over there.
Just leave a list for Carolyn.
She'll stock it for you, okay?
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, great.
So, these are my things.
When do I get paid?
First and fifteenth of every month.
Is that it?
Great.
Gus, hi.
This is my new administrative
assistant, Sue Ellen.
Sue Ellen, this is Gus Brandon,
vice president of marketing.
- And he serves me breakfast in bed.
- Only when she deserves it.
- Nice to meet you.
- Good morning.
- See you for lunch?
- I'll let you know.
I'm interfacing with New York at 3:00,
and I have a report due today.
We'll play it by ear.
Talk to you later
Bye.
Sue Ellen, right?
Have a great weekend.
See you Monday, 8:00 sharp.
By the way, I'm Rose Lindsay,
Senior Vice President of Operations
And when Beatrice from Personnel calls,
she's a really pushy broad.
Just tell her I hired you. And find out
about your medical benefits and pension.
Oh, one more thing,
and this is so important.
Oh, another thing, and this is very important.
Whenever we're not alone or I'm
on the phone and I askyou something--
doesn't matter what it is--
you always say...
"I'm right on top of that, Rose."
- Welcome aboard, sweetie.
- Thank you.
I'm gonna get you, sucker!
I need more money
Get out of here.
Anyway, I have my own office...
and this fridge stocked with Diet Sprite
and Tab, and I have a great view.
what is the job?
I am the executive
administrative assistant...
to the senior vice president
of operations.
- What the hell is that?
- I don't know.
What are they gonna pay you?
$37,500 a year.
No way!
Shit! You're gonna drown! Choke!
I'm a fast learner.
I'll catch on.
You're never gonna
get to the beach.
Yeah, but who cares?
I'm a career woman now.
Better bring some bucks home tomorrow
'cause we're totally out of food.
Wait a minute.
I don't get paid for two weeks.
Help. We need money.
We have no food.
- Are those drag queens?
- What's a drag queen?
- That's our car!
- Let's go!
What are you queens
doin' in our car?
Step on it!
Liza?
Shit! I loved that car.
Call the cops.
What are we gonna say?
Liza Minnelli stole our Buick?
- It wasn't even our Buick.
- This sucks.
- Now how are we gonna get home?
- I miss Mommy.
- Call Nicole.
- All of my friends are in Europe.
- What about Lizard or Hellhound?
- We don't have any money.
- You'd have to bribe them?
- Yeah.
Who else do you know that drives?
Who's the bozo?
Hi. Thanks for coming.
No problem.
I kind of like being a hero.
Me and my trusty steed.
Just get in the car.
Come on. Come on.
My mom doesn't want us
to use her Volvo while she's away.
Can't believe my friends
ditched us like that.
But wasn't that your car I saw
at Clown Dog? Whitewalls and stuff?
Yeah, well,
it was kind of a loaner.
Swell, what are you doing?
Come on!
Hold on.
I'll be there in a minute.
I'm sorry if I acted like a bitch
the other night at Clown Dog...
just walking out like that.
- It cracked Mr. Egg when you left.
- Really?
Did you get stuck
finishing the fat vats?
Lard is my life.
At least until college
- I'm glad you called me, really.
- Yeah, me too.
Could you hurry up?
Melissa and Zach are beating
each other up over the last Sno Ball.
It's the last food we got.
- You guys really out of food?
- No.
They're just being obnoxious.
I'm going to the market in the morning
I've got some extra leftovers from my
dinner deliveries, so ifyou want 'em--
No, that's okay.
Maybe we'll take 'em.
Thanks.
Sure.
You wanna go to the beach
and watch the grunion run Monday night?
You mean, a date?
Yeah. I'm free.
I gotta check with the grunion, but--
Yeah, a date.
Yeah, sure.
I like grunion.
Me too.
Thanks again.
Bye
We have unhealthful air. quality today
thr.oughout the LosAngeles basin.
KDJI news time is 5:30 A.M.,
and ifthis isyour. wake-up call...
wake up!
- You guys are up already?
- It's summer.
- I'm a morning person.
- I'm hungry.
What do you guys
want for breakfast?
- A steak.
- Cheese omelet.
- SpaghettiOs.
- Okay.
Breakfast is served..
Excuse me.
Where do you think you're going?
To Rose Lindsey's office.
I work for her now.
You?
Hi. I'm Sue Ellen.
Well, don't bother
getting too settled in, hmm?
Yes, we have temporarily cut back
on quality fabrics...
due to a receding profit margin.
I understand. Anytime you
want to come back to G.A.W.
Thank you for
telling me personally.
Bye-bye. Would you all
please excuse us for a minute?
- Sure, Rose.
- Fabulous.
Oh, Lord.
We just lost another account.
Costs are up, overhead is high,
sales are down.
New York's gonna be none too thrilled
with their industrial uniform division.
This is our new spring line.
- Lovely, isn't it?
- Yeah, lovely.
You know, I thought
we made designer clothes.
Sue Ellen, no.
We're in the bowels
of the fashion industry.
General Apparel West is one of
32 subdivisions of ChemTech America...
one of our nation's
leading chemical corporations.
This is our design area...
and this is Franklin,
our head designer.
You'll be verifying his purchase orders
pending my approval...
and consulting with him
on budget estimates.
- Bye, Franklin.
- Bye.
You'll also be coordinating our sales,
manufacturing and advertising people.
I'm gonna need
biweekly reports from you.
Basically, you're the hub
of our communication network.
Hub
- I hate you.
- Sue Ellen?
Start getting updated reports from the
department heads and coordinating them.
You can access the format
on the C-drive
Until you lay it out on a spreadsheet,
the market analysis is too amorphous.
The Q.E.D. report. I've made notes.
See ifyou can make a dent after lunch.
And fax this to New York for me.
Don't feel overwhelmed.
Just do one thing at a time.
Looking for something,
Sue Ellen?
Yeah.
Where did that come from?
I had it delivered.
Do you have a problem with that?
No. I was just wondering why they would
come all this way to bring a chili dog.
My little brother
drives the delivery van.
Occasionally...
he goes out of his way
to bring me lunch, all right?
That's nice.
Your little brother.
I need to fax something.
How would I do that?
Gosh, Sue Ellen.
Being an executive administrative
assistant, you can figure that out.
Hello?
Hi. Are you a temp?
No. I'm Sue Ellen.
I work for Rose.
Hi. I'm Cathy.
So you're Rose's new
executive administrative assistant.
Well, congratulations.
I submitted my rsum,
but it wasn't good enough.
Wow. Working with Rose
must be so neat.
Am I cutting in front of you?
Are you faxing?
No, I'm still organizing
my spreadsheet...
and my projections--
amorphous hub stuff.
Oh, right.
So anyway, I'm Fred Kibrick's
secretary over in sales.
It has been really slow.
- Gosh! You're swamped!
- Yeah.
I'm a whiz on the computer...
so ifyou ever have
anything for me, just ask.
Ifyou want-- Are you familiar
with the Q.E.D. report?
Oh, wow.
Really?
- Yeah, go ahead, really.
- Thank you.
Oh, and don't feel overwhelmed.
Just do one thing at a time.
Right
- Hello?
- How's it goin'?
what do you mean?
How are you?
Are the kids okay?
No. I tied 'em to a red-ant hill.
Did you get some money?
Hey, who are you?
Where's that other broad, Mona?
Not yet.
There's a problem.
What'd they do? Fire you?
I'm Sue Ellen. I work for Rose.
Can I help you?
I need a copy of
the Bob's Big Boy account figures.
What ar.eyou gonna do?
This Clown Dog shit's gone, man.
What do you want me to do?
We have a receding profit margin.
Yo, Gidget,
could you get on it?
I can't right now.
I'm on an important phone call.
If you didn't get the money,
why'd you call?
Hey, look.
I don't have all day.
Hold on.
What is your name,
and what do you do here?
I'm Bruce.
I'm head inventory clerk. Why?
Well, Bruce, I'm the executive level
administrative assistant...
and when I get those figures ready,
I'll give you a buzz...
and you can run up here
and fetch them, all right?
Yeah, sure.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
- I just called to say hi.
- Aren't you busy in your career?
I'm in between important meetings.
I'm so sorry I disturbed you, Kenny.
You did. We're busy.
- Fine! Screw you!
- Up yours!
Bitch.
Such a punk.
What?
How are you doin', Mom? Yeah.
No, everything's great.
No, Mrs. Sturak's not here. She--
She went to the yarn store.
Yeah, she's crocheting this
massive doily for the couch.
I-- I gotta go, Mom.
Hey, babe.
Who's the void in Lindsey's office?
She applied for
the receptionist job.
Suddenly she's an executive?
I don't get it.
- Ready.
- Genie.
- Where you park your. car..
- Garage?
-A horse runs at a--
- Gallop.
- You go to the supermarket--
- Groceries.
- Do you ever go outside?
- Nah. No TV.
No prizes.
All right.
Gentlemen, you've got it.
Who does not want ...
When you're gonna do a cake...
you really have to have
a battle plan all ready...
so that when you start in,
you can just go right through the cake.
You don't wanna go out and play croquet
in the middle, for instance.
I'll give her the message.
Bye.
Cathy, thank you so much.
No, Sue Ellen.
Thank you. Really.
Why don't you call Siam Mania
and order in lunch for us.
- The naked shrimp is to die from.
- Right. Yum.
They'll deliver.
Pay out of petty cash.
- Petty cash?
- Cash box is in your locked drawer.
There should be plenty.
You can cash personal checks
for our employees.
We work such hellish hours here,
no one has time to go to the bank.
Guard it with your life, and leave
receipts for whateveryou take.
I'll authorize it, okay?
is this for me?
This is exquisite.
We're so in sync.
- Hi, Zach.
- Hi.
What's wrong?
Me and Cynthia
are having some problems.
I think she likes Jacob better.
Maybe she's trying
to make you jealous.
Maybe.
Oh, here.
There's an article on game playing.
I really think
you should read it.
Take the quiz afterward, okay??
Check it out.
Elvis, I'm gonna take you higher.
Look at his eyes.
Poor dude
Kenny, could you
turn the music down?
- Kenny.
- What?
I have been working.
I've had a very rough day.
- Could you turn the music down?
- It's down, cave lady.
Kenny, why don't you save
your last three brain cells?
- What ifyou need them?
- I won't.
That's right.
You'll never need them.
There's always gonna be some jerk around
stupid enough to take care of you.
- what is your problem?
- Yeah.
You couldn't even
mow the lawn today
You're worthless.
I am doing everything,
and I'm trying to get ready for a date.
When are you gonna start helping me,
you lazy little punk?
P.M.S. City, man.
God, that's cold!
So, Bryan,
when do the grunion run?
Right about now.
They get washed up here on the shore
after the highest tide of the full moon.
Or the new moon
Anyway, the girl grunion,
she comes and lays her eggs in the sand.
Then the guy grunion comes
and fertilizes them.
So they don't, like,
do it together?
Not like us
- I mean, like humans.
- Oh
You wanna go and watch for 'em?
It happens really fast.
Sure.
You goin' to college?
What do you wanna do?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
I'm supposed to register
at City College.
You know, maybe take some
fashion design classes or something.
- What about you?
- My parents want me to go to UCSD.
They have a really good
oceanography program there.
- That's cool.
- Yeah, but I'm not so sure.
I figure I'll keep
savin' up for it anyway.
That's the only reason I'm still
at Clown Dog after nine months.
It's funny.
I always thought that my parents
had this big college fund for me.
Yes. Me too
But I guess that's only on
the savings and loan commercials
It's like, I don't know if
I want oceanography to be my life.
I mean, I love it.
Love it.
But it's like once you decide
on something, it's all planned out.
It's like all of a sudden,
anything you do means that's your life.
I'm not sure what
I want my life to be yet.
And then you're stuck in this plan
because you decided, you know?
And then you're old or older.
I don't know.
I guess I'm just stalling.
What?
Nothing.
I just know what you mean.
It's always ...
Yeah. I hate this part.
I mean, I like this part, but--
Oh, God.
It's okay. Come here.
Forget it.
I ruined the moment.
No, I ruined it
because I talked about it.
When you talk, you ruin it.
You can't talk unless you stop.
Kenny, wake up.
The food that I bought yesterday
is already gone.
I was entertaining some friends
last night, and we had the munchies.
I am not working
to feed your scummy friends.
You're a career woman now.
- We can afford to be hospitable.
- Whatever. Here.
- Go buy some more food for the kids.
- You got paid!
Well, not exactly.
It's office money, petty cash.
My paycheck's gonna be over $1,000.
I'll be able to put it back.
I gotta go.
And I don't want your friends
hanging around my house.
Mow the lawn today,
and don't forget the dishes. Bye.
I'll do the dishes.
- Yes, Scott!
- One more.
- Pull!
- There!
Dishes are done, man.
Cleans 'em down to a shine.
- Hi, Franklin.
- Hi.
Sue Ellen, I need
to get this P.O. approved.
- I got a good deal on some material.
- Good.
I was just gonna see if Rose wanted
to grab some lunch in the cafeteria.
Well, you just missed her.
Sorry.
hungry?
- Good afternoon.
- Thank you
Thank you.
So, how long have you
and Rose been together?
We're not really together.
A few months.
We agreed we're not exclusive
I date other women.
Dinner, movies,
jazz clubs, the symphony.
- Do you like classical music?
- I played cello in high school
Do people always tell you
How young you look young?
No, not usually
I'd ask how old you are,
but most women don't really like that.
- No, we don't.
- It baffles me.
A woman gets older...
she matures, she ripens.
Juices start flowing.
What's to hide?
- Would you like something from the bar?
- Have a drink.
It's a special occasion.
All right. I'd like
a Martini & Rossi on the rocks.
Ah yes.
Sweet or dry?
- What?
- Sweet or dry?
Um, just a little bit of both.
- And foryou, sir?
- White wine spritzer.
- What's the special occasion?
- It's our first lunch together.
This'll give us a chance to break down
some of those corporate barriers.
By the end of lunch, we'll probably
be sharing our intimate histories...
stories of our first time.
Next thing you know we'll be sharing
a cigarette in postcoital bliss.
Are you talking about
us having sex?
Hey, slow down.
You're moving too fast for me.
But if that interests you,
it can be arranged.
And if it doesn't,
I was kidding.
Rosemary chicken's delicious here.
Very tender.
Well, thank you for lunch
Anytime.
Now she's kissing up to Gus?
I can't stand
that conniving little snot.
Here's another one.
In Minneapolis, an 1 1 th grader
beat up a schoolmate...
over a rhinestone leather jacket
and a pair of Fiorucci jeans.
I just don't think that kids
are gonna want to wear uniforms.
Don't you think that they're
kind of plain, kind of boring?
Frankly, it's not up
to the students to decide.
Next week I'll sit the superintendent
of schools down over eggs Florentine...
and I'll convince him
that mandatory school uniforms...
are necessary for the safety
of our schoolchildren.
Not to mention boosting G.A.W. sales.
It'll be absolutely perfect.
I don't know.
Kids like to wear stuff that's them.
My high school
was like a fashion show.
Back then it was safe.
But times, they are a-changin
I guess you're right.
It was a long time ago.
Let's stop. I'm exhausted,
and I'm late to meet Gus.
What's the deal
with you and him?
We've been mutually un-exclusive
for the last seven months.
I brought up
the cohabitation topic recently.
I brought up
the cohabitation topic recently.
And we gave it
some serious thought.
We decided it would be more
practical and convenient...
ifwe maintained separate space.
Which basically means
he isn't ready to commit.
But they're all little boys
pretending to be men, right?
All the guys that I've dated
have been boys.
Precisely.
The Peter Pan syndrome.
God, I really need to get away.
Gus has been trying to talk me into this
wild, dirty weekend in Santa Barbara...
and I really wanna go.
I don't want him to know that...
so I haven't been
too enthusiastic about it.
I know how that goes.
But tonight, I think I'll stop
letting him try and persuade me.
That'll do it.
You go on home, have a glass ofwine,
and put cucumber slices on your eyes.
- You'll feel much better.
- Well, I'm all out of cucumbers.
Sue Ellen, every girl over 25
should have a cucumber in their house.
Remember these things?
They're great. Bounce with me.
I feel stupid.
We are too old to bounce.
Come on.
Bouncing is an ageless pastime.
Come on.
Would you feel more comfortable
if I started?
Come on.
Why'd you stop?
Good moment.
You're gonna have to
get off those things.
There's a band playing
at Club Lago next week. Wanna go?
- You have to be over 21.
- Yeah. Drag.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the beach
with some buddies. Wanna come?
I can't.
I've got work.
Oh, yeah. The grind.
- Wanna go to a Dodger game tomorrow?
- That sounds good.
My sister and her boyfriend
got extra tickets. Box seats.
No, wait. I can't.
I just remembered,
I hate baseball.
You hate baseball?
Okay. Then we'll
just do something else.
- Just the two of us.
- Good.
I'll pickyou up at work
around 6:00?
No, don't do that.
I'll call you when I get home.
- What's goin' on?
- Nothing.
- Going out tomorrow night's great.
- Then why not tell me where you work?
Are you doing something illegal?
Are you workin' for the mob?
I just don't want
you to know, okay?
What if I wanted to
send you flowers or somethin'?
Well, you could
send them to the house.
- Who'd sign for them?
- One of the kids.
And what if they're not here?
Why are you makin' this so complicated?
Then don't send me flowers.
I just wanna know what it is
you do all day, that's all.
Come on. Drop it.
Stop acting like Henry VIII.
Just forget it, okay?
I'm sorry I cared.
That's a shitty thing to say!
You're just pissed off because
I don't wanna meet your sister.
Who cares about my sister?
All I said was she's been in a slump
'cause of the backstabber at her office.
How do you know
this woman is a backstabber?
Maybe she's nice. Why do you
have to be so judgmental about her?
Look, Swell.
What's up with you, huh?
Are you seein' someone else, or what?
'Cause that's what it sounds like.
I mean, ifyou're seein' some other guy,
you don't have to do all this.
You could just tell me,
just be honest.
No, there is nobody else, okay?
I just wish that
you could respect my privacy.
I'd respect your privacy
ifyou weren't so secretive.
I'd tell you more
ifyou didn't wanna know so much.
Okay. Fine.
I'm outta here.
Doesn't look like Julia's.
Shut up, Quizzoid. Eat.
You're up.
I've been at it all night.
Check these out.
Beautiful Belgian waffles.
Julia made 'em on her show yesterday.
- Did you turn the air-conditioner on?
- Well, I was hot.
I'm stuck with the bills.
I would like to keep
that thermostat at 76, okay?
You take these things
so personally.
- Where are all the dishes?
- In the dishwasher.
- Then empty it.
- Well, that's Zach's job.
I'll do it later.
It was your turn
to dump the trash.
I couldn't fit it
in my schedule.
- Bryan didn't call yet, huh?
- Why not call the stud horse?
I'm letting him cool off.
I'll call him in a few weeks
when all this is over.
Then I can just go to the beach
and take a towel and a Walkman...
and lie in the sand
and rub oil on myself...
and I won't have to interface
with anybody, and get tan.
Little League sign-ups
are at 11:30.
- Don't forget.
- I can't. I've got a sales meeting.
But you promised
- I know. I'm sorry.
- Gonna be late for wor
Yeah, well,
enjoy your childhood.
Traffic is really tied up
on the northbound and southbound 405.
A truck is blocking
the slow lane.
You looked so incredible in
that bathing suit. It was unbelievable.
Operation Eggs Florentine
was a rousing success.
The school board
is going to vote on it.
The superintendent needs
cost estimates from us by Wednesday!
This is going to triple
our profit margin.
We'll finally prove
ourselves to New York.
You got roses.
Who might they be from?
They're for you.
Obviously our weekend away in Santa
Barbara was the turning point for us.
Shades of real intimacy.
Have you ever had
a 48-hour orgasm?
I've never been
to Santa Barbara.
Look at me. I'm glowing.
The man makes me glow. Am I glowing?
You're shiny.
Oh, God, I feel like a teenager.
Here are your messages.
Great. Thanks. I'm going
to go glow in my office.
I stole her rsum from Personnel
to check her out.
I had a feeling. None of these companies
ever heard of her. I'm going to Rose.
But the void's getting by.
And Rose loves her.
She's not going to care.
You've got to get something
better on her than that.
What did she do,
copy it from a rsum book?
Crandell house?
We got your home entertainment center.
Yeah. Set it up right over there.
The vote on the unifor.m issue has been
pushed up. I need those estimates today.
I don't see there being
any dilemma with that at all.
We'll messenger them right over.
How are the cost estimates for the
superintendent? He needs them today.
I'm right on top of that, Rose.
- Where's Cathy?
- I don't know. I'm a temp.
Can I help?
- She doesn't want to go with me.
- Just call her.
Oh, hi, Carolyn. I'm sick.
This is a Q.E.D. report.
I promised Sue Ellen I'd do it for her.
Would you see that she gets it?
- It's really important. Thanks.
- Thankyou.
I don't know why,
but she's keeping things from me.
I think it's another guy.
Maybe I should do something crazy,
like sweep her off her feet.
Just forget about her.
She's not worth it.
You deserve better
Problem?
- Don't say anything. I understand.
- What do you understand?
Well...
either the scenario is that you want
to politely thank me for the roses...
or you burst in here
wanting to be impulsive...
and ask me to go to Carmel
with you this weekend.
Sure. We'll fly.
I have my pilot's license.
Maybe I gave you the wrong idea,
but I'm not interested in you.
Then why did you burst through my door
so determined, so eager?
Why are you doing this to Rose?
Hey, look, I'm kidding.
Maybe I gave you the wrong idea.
- Why don't we start with the symphony?
- I'm not starting anything with you.
- Thanks, guys. Bye.
- Anytime.
Awesome.
I say next batch we do more
mocha Swiss Amaretto ones.
Mocha Swiss. Got it.
- I need you!
- Gourmet munchies, man.
Come help!
Something's wrong
with the TV antenna.
I'm in a meeting.
Have Bob Barker help you.
- Go long.
- Thanks. Awesome.
- What is that sound?
- There's something up there.
Help! Somebody help me!
Dude!
Holy shit!
- Your paycheck.
- Thank you.
Where have you been?
Where's the Q.E.D. report?
Rose, I tried--
Yes, the Q.E.D. report.
I have that for you.
What are you doing with it?
What is Carolyn doing with it?
Cathy brought it by. Seems she's been
covering for Sue Ellen, doing her work.
You let Cathy do the Q.E.D. report?
I was wondering
how you would get that...
and the research for
the school presentation done.n
Bravo. You really know
how to delegate responsibility.
You want to be executive material?
Keep an eye on Sue Ellen.
You are a paragon.
- Lunch?
- I'd love to.
- General Apparel West.
- Thanks for the roses.
She's busy right now.
Can I take a message? Is this a joke?
Don't mention it.
River Ridge Hospital is on line three.
There's an emergency with your son?
My son.
- Your son?
- Her son?
Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. Crandel.
What? Oh, my God.
I'll be right there. Will you please
tell him I will be right there?
Thank you.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah. I hope so.
- I didn't know you were married.
- I'm not. I'm divorced.
It's a painful memory.
I don't like to talk about it.
I'm looking for Walter Crandell.
Swell, I don't know ifhe's okay. He's
in with the doctor. He better be okay.
- What happened?
- I'm sorry.
Mrs. Crandell, I'm Dr. Permutter.
Here he is.
Oh, my-- I'm Mrs. Crandell,
Walter's mom.
How is he? What happened?
How do you feel, honey? Are you okay?
It's a clean break.
It should heal nicely.
I fell off the roof.
What was he doing on the roof?
I wasn't there. I should have been.
I mean, not on the roof.
But I should have been with him,
taking care of him.
Reading Gr.een EggsAnd Ham
or some shit like that.
Walt, man,
I'm really sorry.
You'll have to bring him back
for a walking cast in six weeks.
Have him take one of those
if he has any pain.
We'll stop and get you
an ice-cream cone, okay?
That doesn't make up
foryour irresponsibility.
Look! I screwed up!
I'm sorry.
Is he your son too?
No. He's my stepson.
That's why we don't
get along so well.
We better get along home for supper.
I'm making pot roast, Walter's favorite.
Come on, kids. Let's go.
Chop, chop.
- Take it easy.
- Help your brother.
I can't believe you
let this happen to him.
- Go to hell.
- Damn it
- Shit.
- What?
My check is only for $735.
I thought you were getting,
like, over a grand.
Taxes. They took half
of my money away for taxes...
and some savings
and pension plan.
At least I have enough to cover
what we spent from petty cash.
- How are you doing?
- Hollywood Squar.es are on.
Bitchin'!
- Where'd this come from?
- Japan. It's state of the art.
It's nice, but where did you get the
money for something so state of the art?
It was petty cash money.
You were spending petty cash money.
I bought a pair of boots and a magazine!
You bought a home entertainment center?
- It was Walter's idea.
- It's going back.
We can't take it back.
We got it on sale.
It wasn't your money.
It was my money.
It wasn't really your money either.
You embezzled it.
I did not embezzle it.
I borrowed it.
I was going to put it back after my next
paycheck, but we can't afford all this.
How could you do this?
You would never steal from Mom.
That's because Mom
never had that much.
There's only $30 left.
You should see the Zsa Zsa diamond ring
he bought for Cynthia.
You bought her a diamond?
- How much was it?
- It was a chip.
- Get it back.
- Diamonds are forever.
I needed a new bike, and I got Walter
the new edition of Super.Password...
and Elvis a new chew toy.
You have spent over $3,000?
You are all grounded.
- How could you steal from me?
- They didn't really steal.
They borrowed. They were following
your irresponsible example.
Shut up. I am in deep shit.
Quit your job.
Get out while you can.
I'm an embezzler.
They're going to throw me in prison.
The judge will probably go easy on you,
considering you're a minor.
I'm not going to give up.
I'll just economize.
I'll keep working.
I'll work overtime.
A few more paychecks, I'll be able to
put it back and no one will know, right?
I'm innocent.
G.A.W.'s history.
- We're going to be out of a job.
- What?
The school board rejected it.
You were right.
The students got wind of it
and held a huge protest.
They burned uniforms in effigy.
This was our last hope.
We're probably all
going to be canned tomorrow.
Listen, can't you call New York?
Convince them to give us more time
so we can keep working?
Why bother?
It's not the end of the world.
- It's just a job.
- But I need this job.
I have to tell you.
I kind of have a problem.
You're not going to have a problem.
You're going to be fine, believe me.
With all your qualifications
and background...
you're going to land
an even better job.
Do me a favor, would you?
Would you break
the news to Franklin?
You're so good
at dealing with the staff.
With your qualifications and background,
you'll land an even better job.
Thanks.
You've been a real trouper
right to the end.
I'm going to miss you.
Rose, I have an idea.
This is going to save our
collective asses. It's fabulous.
I don't want New York to know anything
about it. They'd never approve funding.
You'll need to rent a banquet hall.
You do have enough in petty cash, right?
Well--
- I have to tell you something.
- Go ahead, you honey
Banquet halls are so impersonal
My house is fabulous.
We can have it there. It'll be perfect.
We are a family of felons.
Our summer of freedom is going to be a
winter prison if I don't get some help.
I want this place spick-and-span
by Saturday, or I'm turning us all in.
Are you with me?
Guys, what do you say?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Come on! What do you say?
- All right!
We're with you!
Rock and roll!
Thank you.
- Take a look.
- I don't know. This is risky
Let me show you one more thing.
Here is a normal waiter's uniform, but
I was thinking of changing the color.
Or it could be in black and white,
turquoise and black or red and black.
- Coffee, dear?
- Yeah.
Thankyou, everyone, for staying.
We're going to pull an all-nighter.
Strike two!
It's okay. You can do it.
I know you can. Concentrate.
Home run! Way to go!
That's my girl.
But the recipe calls for shrimp,
so I need some more cash.
I told you.
We have to economize.
There's nothing left in petty cash.
I've taken it all.
Just try to do the best you can.
Wait. I have a coupon for that.
It's a double coupon.
Where are the kids?
Zach's at Cynthia's,
Melissa's upstairs, and Walter's asleep.
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing is wrong with me.
Did you burn something?
Maybe ifyou'd called and told me
you were going to be four hours late...
I could have planned
my dinner better.
- I had to work late, okay?
- You still should have called.
I sat, and I waited.
I went ahead and fed the kids.
I worked all day on that casserole.
Sorry.
You haven't even said
how nice the house looks.
You're off at the office all day
doing interesting office things.
I'm stuck here,
cooking and cleaning and mowing.
Helping Melissa with her fastball.
Being a role model forZach.
Spending quality time with Walter.
Doing your party shit!
You've got the car, and you don't
even take me anywhere anymore.
When was the last time we went out
to dinner together, huh?
I'm sick and tired
of not being appreciated.
I appreciate you.
Eat shit!
I don't believe this.
I have to get up at 5:30 every morning,
so I can beat rush-hour traffic...
and go sit behind a desk for eight hours
and miss Oprah every day of my vacation.
Then I get to drive home in gridlock
in a Volvo with no air-conditioning...
just so I can take care ofyou guys
and put food on the damn table.
It's a rat race,
and it sucks.
So what do you want, a medal?
You don't have to do all this.
I never asked you
to whisk the couch.
Well, it needed it.
I knew she was a phony.
I did not think she was a thief.
"Distinctive Valet Parking,
Classical Accompaniment Musicians."
- "K.C. Catering."
- "Bodacious Sculptures In Ice."
She didn't steal from petty cash.
She paid for the buyers' shindig.
It's all legit.
Let's get out of here.
I give up.
She's only 17
Don't be rude to anybody.
Don't spit on anybody.
Don't wander off because
I want you to meet my boss.
- Remember. Call me Mommy.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Let's rehearse. Melissa, come, honey!
- Okay, Mommy!
- Hi, Mrs. Crandell.
- Hi, kids.
Thanks for helping out.
- Where's Kenny?
- Getting ready.
- Good evening, Mrs. Crandell.
- You look great.
That's Kenneth.
The guests have started to arrive.
Man your trays.
Get going there.
Good tray. Good tray. All right.
Go get them, big man.
Better get your ass out there,
Mrs. Crandell.
Hi, Mommy.
This is my daughter, Melissa.
Hey, boss lady, creole mushroom?
Hello, Melissa.
No, thanks. Not tonight.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
I love that they're wearing
our uniforms. Fabulous touch.
- Look at the jalopy.
- This is going to be so much fun.
- Yeah.
- Yo, mad dog. Want to park the car?
- We're on a break, dude.
- Park it yourself, Metallica breath.
I brought this Jell-O mold
just in case you needed one.
This is my husband, Howard.
I love your house. Oh, wow.
Take the baked Brie out of the oven.
It will caramelize.
- Where you been? You're our maitre d'.
- Cynthia dumped me for Jacob.
- Honey, I'm so sorry.
- I just don't understand.
- She was my moon goddess.
- I know.
- Get over it.
- Get the diamond back?
I'm out of rumaki.
Let me get that for you.
I'm maitred'.
Excuse me.
What is it? Something?
Since this is the biggest night
in G.A.W. history..
I thought you might like to know this
all rests in the hands of a child...
a child you hired.
This is by far and away
the most petty...
spiteful, vindictive machination
you have ever concocted.
Grow up, Carolyn.
We're here.
What do you want us to do?
Great. Why don't you go up
to my room and change?
I'll be up there
in a few seconds, okay?
This is going to be great.
I was looking for you.
Great house.
- You look lovely.
- Thank you.
-I know you said you're not interested--
-That's right. I'm not.
I understand why. I want you to know
I'm not taking this lightly.
I don't think it's fair--
I know. My timing is off.
I know you're just
getting over a divorce.
You can't imagine how off
your timing is. Forget it.
Or we could just have a wild,
sweaty fling. What do you think?
you know...
I think the scenario here
is that you're a sleazeball.
Hey. I was kidding.
I surrender.
What's this? What is this?
Just a little accident.
Gus has sort of
a little crush on me.
He's been coming on to you?
Come on.
You know how I feel about you.
You're the one I want to
listen to beautiful music with.
You
He sent those roses to me.
This is not true!
Believe me.
We're all adults here, and we have
a presentation to get through.
The buyer from Saks
is looking for you.
It's show time.
Good evening.
Thank you.
I'm Rose Lindsey.
On behalf of General Apparel West,
I'd like to welcome you.
I'm sure you're all on the edge ofyour
seats wondering what we have in store.
So to conduct our presentation,
I'd like to introduce our hostess...
our recently named
employee of the month...
and the woman responsible
for all you're going to view tonight.
Thank you.
Welcome, everyone.
For 12 years General Apparel West
has enjoyed a solid reputation...
as the manufacturer of quality uniforms,
but times, they are a-changin'.
We're growing.
We're expanding.
We're approaching the millennium
with a fresh attitude and look.
What we have foryou is a preview
of the General Apparel West to come.
Ladies and gentlemen,
General Apparel West proudly presents...
the teenage fashion wave
of the future.
Tess, Marcie and Donna
are wearing bellhop uniforms...
in fuchsia, purple and teal,
hand airbrushed silk with matching caps.
The epaulets and cuff detailing
are antique gold lace.
The jackets, in varying lengths,
are matched with sporty black pants...
or sleek miniskirts.
The basic General Apparel West uniform
has been modified and accessorized...
to create a fun and sexy look
for the teenage girl.
Nicole is wearing a form-fitting
nurse's uniform with mini-hemline.
It'll speed up any boy's pulse.
The black diamonds
on Nicole's cap and dress...
are hand airbrushed
on fuchsia spandex.
Her pink high-top sneakers
are laced up her tangerine tights.
Of course, no nurse would be complete
without her stethoscope necklace.
Jill, our referee, is wearing
an oversized silk jersey...
in bold black-and-turquoise stripes,
black tights and high-top sneakers.
Her whistle earrings and necklace
and black baseball cap...
complement this carefree
and spirited look with the girl...
who's playing the field
and calling all the plays.
Swell, it's me. It's Bryan.
We got to talk about this.
Forget about this other guy.
We can work this out.
It was really stupid what happened.
I don't know ifit was some kind
of communication meltdown or what.
- Katrina, our chef, is...
- We should work it out.
really cooking in her scarf.
She's whipping up excitement
in her boots. Thank you.
Thank you.
I really care about us.
There's something about you.
I don't even know what it is, but I feel
better around you than anyone else.
- That's why I really miss you.
- Our last model is Becky.
Becky is our Boy Scout.
She's wearing a Boy Scout's uniform.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And, everyone, the highlight
of our fashion extravaganza.
Young Bryan, our Clown Dog server.
You're having a party?
Bryan is wearing
a Clown Dog uniform...
with a classic wedge cap,
evoking the charming nostalgia--
- What?
- Mom's home.
Hi, Mom.
- Busted.
- Dude
And that is our presentation
for this evening. Thankyou for coming.
good night
- What are you doing?
- I'm right on top of that.
Finish the presentation.
- It's not as bad as you think.
- Save it.
Shit.
Go on.Just do it.
Swell! You're in big trouble,
young lady.
I can't handle this anymore.
I applied for a receptionist job.
I don't even know what an executive
administrator assistant does.
I lied to everyone
about everything...
and I'm sorry.
I'm only 17. I have a curfew.
I just finished high school.
I can't even vote yet.
This was supposed
to be my summer vacation.
I'm not supposed
to be a career mom.
I can't be the hub
of your communication network.
I'm really not ready
for any of this.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry.
How humiliating. I love it.
Yeah, babe.Justice is served.
what are you doing here?
So do you believe me now? Or are
you just going to believe some kid?
I'm going to believe some kid.
Go to hell
I'm not real clear about
what's been going on around here...
But I want these people
out of my property.
I want you to start doing
some heavy-duty explaining.
I am never trusting you again.
I specifically said no parties.
You weren't supposed
to come home yet.
Sorry to have messed up your plans.
Who are these people?
- Mom, calm down.
- I will not calm down.
What happened to Walter?
He had a little accident,
but everything is taken care of.
We have excellent
medical coverage.
We will clean up the party.
You've had a long flight,
and you're cranky.
I have had a very rough night.
Why don't you go upstairs
and take a nap?
Tomorrow morning Kenny will whip up
a batch of Belgium waffles...
and we'll sit down
and discuss this like adults.
Fine.
Why don't you guys
go wrap up the party?
- Why don't you help Walter to bed?
- Good night, Mom-- I mean, Swell.
Thank you.
- What did you do to yourself?
- We'll talk about it in the morning.
But for now, why don't you
just go to your room?
- I can not believe it.
- Oh, that's very funny
What?
I'll be damned.
I'm so sorry
The buyers didn't care anything
about that scene.
They're all just
a bunch of old whores.
They loved your ideas.
I see nothing but dollar signs
As a matter of fact,
they complimented me...
on hiring a teenager
to gain market perspective.
I've got seven meetings
set up next week alone.
They want the new G.A.W. Iine.
But what about everything else?
I lied to you.
I'm a terrible person.
Well, I suppose
you'll grow out of that.
Maybe
Dude, that was a superior party.
Superior eats.
- Yeah. Thanks for helping out.
- No problem.
What do you say,
beer bust tomorrow night?
I can't. I got a date
with Swell's friend Nicole.
- the nurse?
- Yeah
Hot.
School starts next week.
Lazy days.
I don't know. I was thinking
I might go to class more.
Why?
Well, it's time to finish up school..
I might take some Home Ec.
graduate.
Maybe go to the Culinary Academy
Or some shit like this
- That could be cool.
- Yeah. It's time to do something.
Please reconsider. I'm offering you
a wonderful opportunity.
I know.
I appreciate it a lot. Really.
But I think
I'm going to try college.
Design school or something. I don't
know. I still have a lot to learn.
If you want to get into Vassar,
I could pull some strings.
Maybe
I'm going to miss you.
I'm going to miss you too.
Thank you.
Let's get together on Monday night.
We will have dinner.
Bye, sweetie.
I am really sorry.
Yeah.
Carolyn and I both pretty much
figured out what's been going on.
Is that everything?
There isn't anything else
you haven't told me, right?
You're not really a guy, are you?
So, did you mean what you said
about working things out?
We broke up. Remember?
We didn't break up.
We had a fight.
- Yeah, because you were lying to me.
- Yeah, but that's over.
So ifyou thought we broke up, I guess
you thought we were together, huh?
Well, yeah.
Anyway, I guess now
that I know the truth--
Well, thanks for sticking around.
What are you doing
New Year's Eve?
I think this is another
really good moment.
Me too.
How do you Tzny Tsttiay escape
From all this anyway
I pretty much did.
- Beautiful, something else also.
- Yes, Mom?
Where is the babysitter?
I'm really going to miss her.
You never even knew her.
Yeah, but she left us
all her money.
She's already dead, you moron!
Well, that's true.
1:41:07.161 - 01:41:10.780
How about Vegas this weekend?
Got any money left?
Give me a break
So you guys excited?
- Dream come true.
Yeah, Europe again.
It's just my parents trying
to get rid of me for two months.
What else is new?
So Swell, when's your Mom
leaving for Australia?
Ooh, in about an hour and a half.
I can't wait
I'm getting get rid of her
for two whole months you guys
Wait, I don't understand.
So your mom can afford to go to Australia
But she can't afford to send you to Europe
With some friends for graduation?
- Yeah, aren;t you pissed you can't go?
- Ah, her boyfriend's paying for it.
He wants her to see his sheep ranch.
Besides, she needs the growing
experience a lot more than I do.
She's leaving you guys all alone?
What about the kids? Hmmm
Kenny will watch Zack, Melissa will
watch Walter, And I'll have Mom's car.
I can go to the beach,
I can stay out as late as I want to.
I can do anything. I'm a free woman
Melissa lunch, Honey
- Come on.
- Yeah, Right!
Melissa, Right now.
- Elvis needs fresh water.
- I'll do it in a minute
Zack, put it back.
- Right Now
- If you need money, ask me first
- Okay then. Can I get ten dollars?
- forget it.
Fry you suckers.
Earth to Melissa
How come you gotta go?
Because. I've had a very rough 37 years
and I need a break
You swore you'd sign me up for baseball
- Little League will be there next year.
- So will Australia
- I wish Dad were around.
- No you don't
Kenny, c'mon give me a break
You haven't taken out the trash in weeks,
And the lawn needs mowing
And your room looks like a disaster area
- See you, Swell.
- Bye bye, Swell
Stay away from her.
She's in one of her Terminator moods.
Hey, Nicole
Swell, how's my baby
In your dreams, babe.
Hi, Mom
Why did you leave
your dishes in the sink... For me?
God, you take these things so personally.
- The dishwashers full, ok.
- So empty it
That's Kenny's job
Kenny, Get back here
Right Now!
I'll do it later, Mom! I promise
Is your Mom like leaving for like months?
Oh, shit, you're right. Bye, Mom
- Bye Mom. Have a blast!
- Right
Rock and roll!
- No prizes.
- Hey, Swell
- Hi.
Well as usual, your brother's proven he's not
the least bit involved with this family.
Oh relax, Mom. I'll keep him in Line.
Well, did you see his report card?
He got all D's.
Well did you yell at him?
No. I couldn't.
It's an improvement.
So Mom, takin' off on us
like that, huh?
Shirkin' all that
parental responsibility.
Oh, I'm sure everything
will be taken care of.
Yeah. Relax, Mom
Everything's gonna be great
when you're gone.
Hello, dear.
I'm Mrs. Sturak I babysitter
I'm Mrs. Sturak.
I'm the baby-sitter.
- Mother?
- She seems very nice.
Right? And she has
lots of experience.
Of course she does.
She's 200 years old.
It's not fair.
Baby-sitters suck.
- Mrs. Sturak.
- Yes?
You know there are
five children?
- Yes, of course.
- Do you think you can handle the job?
Of course I can.
My family's all gone.
Taking care of others' little ones
is my whole life.
I didn't get a chance
to go to the store...
but there's money in here for groceries
and some spending money for the kids.
There's also a list of instructions,
and the phone number in Australia.
- You go have a lovely time.
- Thank you.
Walter, come give Mommy a kiss.
Bye, Elvis.
Melissa, want to
come down from there?
- No.
- Get down from there.
I can't believe you're
doing this to me. A baby-sitter?
Honey, I couldn't
leave you kids all alone.
You're not capable of running the show
while I'm gone. You're not an adult yet.
Now, I know we've been over this
at least a thousand times...
but please, don't do anything
you know I'd be against.
I don't wanna hearyou've given
this nice old lady a hard time.
You're gonna miss your flight.
Promise me you'll go register
at City College for fall, okay?
I haven't quite
decided on that yet.
I'll miss you.
- Bye, Mom.
- Yeah.
Bye, everybody.
Listen to Mrs. Sturak.
Mom, can you call us every day?
Walter, this is Mom's vacation,
but I'll try.
Mrs. Sturak knows
where to reach me.
Bye, sweetheart.
Be good.
Love you. Bye, honey.
Be good, everybody!
Take care of each other!
You little maggots, line up!
Time to go over the rules!
Excuse me?
Are you serious?
You can't run a tight ship
without rules. Now move!
- What's this lady's problem?
- I'm scared.
I am too.
Lady, I don't know what your deal is,
but you're not here to order us around.
I've had about enough
ofyour lip, missy.
Cooperate...
or I'll make your summer
a living hell!
Dr.. Louise Westheimer..
Alaska
Alaska-- Alaska container.
Alaska spill.
Hey! I was watching that!
TV rots your brains.
Go to your room
I expect a complete report tomorrow
morning on the life of the aardvark.
Cynthia, you're my moon goddess.
Time for little boys
to be in bed.
Can't you see
I'm in the middle of a date?
And time for little trollops
to go home!
Wait! You can't.
Cynthia, wait!
I'll call you later.
Darling.
It's time for little girls
to dress like little girls.
Sugar and spice!
God is definitely
pissed off at me.
I have no money.
I have no boyfriend.
You guys are gonna be
in Europe all summer.
Yeah, my mom left us with
this deranged Mary Poppins.
We've gotta get rid
of the old lady.
Nicole, hang on.
Why are you wearing name tags?
- She has trouble remembering things.
- We're to wear them at all times.
She's getting us up at the butt-crack
of dawn to tidy up the garage.
Oh, God. Nicole,
I have to call you back.
All right. Bye.
I really don't think
I can live like this.
Okay, I'll talk to her.
It's time we let her know the rules.
- Yeah, we outnumber her.
- Let's kick some ass.
Probably can't even hear me.
Look, Mrs. Sturak.
Whetheryou thinkyou can
push us around or not...
we've decided that we're not
gonna take any more ofyour crap.
First of all,
the name tags have gotta go.
Mrs. Sturak,
are you even listening to me?
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
Hey, get out.
Kenny, come downstairs.
You're not gonna believe this.
I told you to talk to her. Didn't want
you to send her to the glue factory.
I didn't kill her.
She died in her sleep.
Probably choked on her whistle.
- She doesn't look dead.
- That's 'cause it just happened.
So you can't really tell,
like a MacGyver..
What should we do with her body?
Call an ambulance? Call the cops?
I don't know.
They're gonna ask us
a lot of questions.
They'll probably blame us.
- They'll definitely call Mom.
- She'll blame us
She'll hop the next flight home,
and then she'll be in our faces.
- I don't want Mom to come home.
- I don't either.
- Easy.
- She's starting to stink.
It's too soon.
It must be you.
- Shut up.
- Be careful.
- I got her.
- I mean my skateboard.
You ran over my foot.
Sure she's gonna fit?
How should I know?
I've never done this before.
Well, neither have I.
I think we should
measure her first.
- Let's hack off her head!
- Yeah!
All right, go get that
metal tape measure out of the garage.
Would you stop ordering us around?
You're not the baby-sitter.
That's right, Kenny.
The baby-sitter is dead.
Now just do it.
We're saving the ambulance people
a trip, right?
When they find her,
they'll take care of everything.
And no one has to know
she was our sitter.
She said she didn't
have any family, so this is--
This is really
the decent thing to do.
Hey, Bobby
Now, who would do such a thing?
It's the lifting that gets me.
God, I feel terrible.
I should've been nicer to her.
I should've cooperated.
Yeah. She was a great baby-sitter.
- Where are you going?
- I'm going shopping for food.
Yeah! Massive party supplies!
I got shotgun!
You're taking Mrs. Sturak's car?
Zach, life goes on.
I mean, come on.
This car's a classic.
I think that she'd
want it this way, don't you?
How much did Mom leave us?
There's no money in here.
I saw Mom give it
to Mrs. Sturak.
Well, she must've
taken it out.
Holy shit!
- Where is the damn thing?
- Shoot!
Out of my way!
Come on! Come on!
- Maybe it's here.
- I looked in there already.
- Find it?
- She must've had it on her.
It's ours! Go back
and get it from the old hag!
Yeah, right. We go and say, "Excuse me.
We left money on our dead baby-sitter."
No way.
- Who's gonna clean this place up?
- Not me.
What are we gonna do for cash
for the next two months?
How about a garage sale?
- We live in the boonies.
- How about calling Dad?
- Dad doesn't care.
- What about blackmailing Dad?
What about donating blood?
They pay you.
You have to be over 18
There goes our great summer.
Hello?
Mom.
Hi, Mom.
How's Australia?
Oh really? Great.
Yeah, they're fine.
Everything's fine.
Oh, Mrs. Sturak?
Well, she's not here right now.
She had a date.
Some guy.
A mortician.
Relax. I'm looking after things while
she's gone. Everything's gonna be fine.
I love you too.
Okay.
All right, bye.
- You only got one bag of chips.
- We could only afford the necessities.
This place is a crock.
We're never gonna make it two months.
Man, I'm gonna
hole up at Lizard's.
That's real brotherly.
Don't you have any pride?
When our food's gone,
we can eat Elvis.
What do you want from me?
Would you like me to call Mom back?
'Cause I can.
Want to call Aunt Pat...
or go crawling to one of
Mom's semi-wretched friends?
We don't need a warden.
We don't need an adult around telling us
when to eat, sleep and vacuum, right?
We could have a great summer.
We just gotta stick together.
- Okay, yeah.
- Totally.
Well, one of us
has to get a job.
I'm not gonna.
We don't have any choice.
We'll flip for it.
Mama Celeste face up,
I go to work.
Mama Celeste face down, you're sellin'
carnations on a freeway off-ramp.
Okay, I'll get a job.
But you gotta stay and watch the kids.
Hey, no problem, twisted sister.
I can get a job
at a clothing store.
They'll hire me in a second.
It'll be great.
You gotta squeeze the fat
out of those burgers better.
You're gettin' the hang of it.
I'm Bryan.
Swell, remember.
Put on a happy face.
Did he just finish
reading Dianetics?
- No. He's just on helium.
- Bryan.
Another happy delivery.
You gotta put chili on those Clown Dogs,
and keep it movin'.
This is great, man.
My sister's working.
There's no one around
nagging me anymore.
- I'm born free.
- Hey, dude.
- Let's go to the Guitar Center.
- Wait, guys.
We seem to be experiencing
a negative cash-flow problem here.
Let's go to my place.
I'll rip off my mom's MasterCard again.
Master the possibilities.
I gotta get out of here.
My dad is pissed about my report card.
I gotta kiss ass a couple more days.
You know what, guys?
We keep this up, we're never
gettin' out of school, man.
Far out!
Rock and roll!
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- Did you have a lot of deliveries?
- Yeah. I'm the stork of fast food.
You're lucky.
It's better than being here.
Yeah, I guess.
God, this place is so disgusting.
- How can you stand it?
- Just try to hang with it.
Shit.
- Gross.
- Not your dream job, huh?
You got that right.
You'd think I woke up
this morning and thought...
"Gee, I'd love to scrub fat vats.
I'd love to smile
and work with raw meat."
At least it gives you
some extra cash.
I'm not working at the big top from hell
for pocket money.
My mom's out of town, and I have
my brothers and sister to feed.
And no one's gonna hire a teenager
to do anything that isn't disgusting.
Why can't I just get a job
at some nice, clean office?
Why don't you just quit?
How's the scrubba-dub-dubbing going?
You're almost
doing that correctly...
but you forgot
one very big thing.
- Not enough cleanser?
- Nope.
Forgot to put on a happy face.
Next, you get to scrape the spitballs
off the drive-through window...
with a really fun squeegee!
See, Mr. Eggs
Finish the Happy Fat vats yourself.
thanks for your advice
Maybe I'll see you around.
You're just copying it
right out of the book?
I changed the name, and I'm adding
some glamorous fashion stuff.
Spell that a little faster.
Your number?
Excuse me.
- I'm applying for the receptionist job.
- Hold.
Reception.
I can't right now.
I have to stay and redirect all the
incompetents who are coming up here...
instead of going straight to Personnel
like they are supposed to.
All right, all right.
I'll be right there.
You'll have about 1 2 seconds.
You are supposed to go down
to Personnel.
That is on...
the first floor.
There is a great big sign
that says...
"Personnel.
Do you ...
understand?
Where's Carolyn?
Mousy-brown hair, gives you a headache?
- Talks like she's chewing her face?
- That's her.
She'll be back in a few seconds.
I'm here for the receptionist job.
- Is this your rsum?
- Yeah.
Wow.
Very impressive.
- This is fabulous.
- Thank you.
Listen. They're looking for
a receptionist to replace Carolyn.
She's supposed to move up to be
my executive administrative assistant.
I can't stand her, so do me a favor.
You be my assistant.
I'll just tell 'em
I hired outside the company.
What about
the receptionist job?
What, are you burnt out?
You wanna take a step down?
Well, I won't let you.
I need you.
And besides, you're so overqualified
for entry level, it's ridiculous.
For God's sakes,
you're a Vassar gal.
And you'd much rather
be my executive assistant.
Please say yes.
Yes!
We're up here with
the other vice presidents...
our executive staff
and our advertising people.
Downstairs are the designers...
our warehouse and showroom,
and our manufacturing and assembly line.
You graduated six, years ago,
so you're 27, 28?
- Yeah.
- You don't look it.
My last assistant was only 23
and still wet behind the ears.
Okay, this is your office.
Mine's through the archway.
These are your things.
Your Rolodex.
There's your computer,
WordStar and Lotus.
There's your mouse.
The refrigerator's over there.
Just leave a list for Carolyn.
She'll stock it for you, okay?
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, great.
So, these are my things.
When do I get paid?
First and fifteenth of every month.
Is that it?
Great.
Gus, hi.
This is my new administrative
assistant, Sue Ellen.
Sue Ellen, this is Gus Brandon,
vice president of marketing.
- And he serves me breakfast in bed.
- Only when she deserves it.
- Nice to meet you.
- Good morning.
- See you for lunch?
- I'll let you know.
I'm interfacing with New York at 3:00,
and I have a report due today.
We'll play it by ear.
Talk to you later
Bye.
Sue Ellen, right?
Have a great weekend.
See you Monday, 8:00 sharp.
By the way, I'm Rose Lindsay,
Senior Vice President of Operations
And when Beatrice from Personnel calls,
she's a really pushy broad.
Just tell her I hired you. And find out
about your medical benefits and pension.
Oh, one more thing,
and this is so important.
Oh, another thing, and this is very important.
Whenever we're not alone or I'm
on the phone and I askyou something--
doesn't matter what it is--
you always say...
"I'm right on top of that, Rose."
- Welcome aboard, sweetie.
- Thank you.
I'm gonna get you, sucker!
I need more money
Get out of here.
Anyway, I have my own office...
and this fridge stocked with Diet Sprite
and Tab, and I have a great view.
what is the job?
I am the executive
administrative assistant...
to the senior vice president
of operations.
- What the hell is that?
- I don't know.
What are they gonna pay you?
$37,500 a year.
No way!
Shit! You're gonna drown! Choke!
I'm a fast learner.
I'll catch on.
You're never gonna
get to the beach.
Yeah, but who cares?
I'm a career woman now.
Better bring some bucks home tomorrow
'cause we're totally out of food.
Wait a minute.
I don't get paid for two weeks.
Help. We need money.
We have no food.
- Are those drag queens?
- What's a drag queen?
- That's our car!
- Let's go!
What are you queens
doin' in our car?
Step on it!
Liza?
Shit! I loved that car.
Call the cops.
What are we gonna say?
Liza Minnelli stole our Buick?
- It wasn't even our Buick.
- This sucks.
- Now how are we gonna get home?
- I miss Mommy.
- Call Nicole.
- All of my friends are in Europe.
- What about Lizard or Hellhound?
- We don't have any money.
- You'd have to bribe them?
- Yeah.
Who else do you know that drives?
Who's the bozo?
Hi. Thanks for coming.
No problem.
I kind of like being a hero.
Me and my trusty steed.
Just get in the car.
Come on. Come on.
My mom doesn't want us
to use her Volvo while she's away.
Can't believe my friends
ditched us like that.
But wasn't that your car I saw
at Clown Dog? Whitewalls and stuff?
Yeah, well,
it was kind of a loaner.
Swell, what are you doing?
Come on!
Hold on.
I'll be there in a minute.
I'm sorry if I acted like a bitch
the other night at Clown Dog...
just walking out like that.
- It cracked Mr. Egg when you left.
- Really?
Did you get stuck
finishing the fat vats?
Lard is my life.
At least until college
- I'm glad you called me, really.
- Yeah, me too.
Could you hurry up?
Melissa and Zach are beating
each other up over the last Sno Ball.
It's the last food we got.
- You guys really out of food?
- No.
They're just being obnoxious.
I'm going to the market in the morning
I've got some extra leftovers from my
dinner deliveries, so ifyou want 'em--
No, that's okay.
Maybe we'll take 'em.
Thanks.
Sure.
You wanna go to the beach
and watch the grunion run Monday night?
You mean, a date?
Yeah. I'm free.
I gotta check with the grunion, but--
Yeah, a date.
Yeah, sure.
I like grunion.
Me too.
Thanks again.
Bye
We have unhealthful air. quality today
thr.oughout the LosAngeles basin.
KDJI news time is 5:30 A.M.,
and ifthis isyour. wake-up call...
wake up!
- You guys are up already?
- It's summer.
- I'm a morning person.
- I'm hungry.
What do you guys
want for breakfast?
- A steak.
- Cheese omelet.
- SpaghettiOs.
- Okay.
Breakfast is served..
Excuse me.
Where do you think you're going?
To Rose Lindsey's office.
I work for her now.
You?
Hi. I'm Sue Ellen.
Well, don't bother
getting too settled in, hmm?
Yes, we have temporarily cut back
on quality fabrics...
due to a receding profit margin.
I understand. Anytime you
want to come back to G.A.W.
Thank you for
telling me personally.
Bye-bye. Would you all
please excuse us for a minute?
- Sure, Rose.
- Fabulous.
Oh, Lord.
We just lost another account.
Costs are up, overhead is high,
sales are down.
New York's gonna be none too thrilled
with their industrial uniform division.
This is our new spring line.
- Lovely, isn't it?
- Yeah, lovely.
You know, I thought
we made designer clothes.
Sue Ellen, no.
We're in the bowels
of the fashion industry.
General Apparel West is one of
32 subdivisions of ChemTech America...
one of our nation's
leading chemical corporations.
This is our design area...
and this is Franklin,
our head designer.
You'll be verifying his purchase orders
pending my approval...
and consulting with him
on budget estimates.
- Bye, Franklin.
- Bye.
You'll also be coordinating our sales,
manufacturing and advertising people.
I'm gonna need
biweekly reports from you.
Basically, you're the hub
of our communication network.
Hub
- I hate you.
- Sue Ellen?
Start getting updated reports from the
department heads and coordinating them.
You can access the format
on the C-drive
Until you lay it out on a spreadsheet,
the market analysis is too amorphous.
The Q.E.D. report. I've made notes.
See ifyou can make a dent after lunch.
And fax this to New York for me.
Don't feel overwhelmed.
Just do one thing at a time.
Looking for something,
Sue Ellen?
Yeah.
Where did that come from?
I had it delivered.
Do you have a problem with that?
No. I was just wondering why they would
come all this way to bring a chili dog.
My little brother
drives the delivery van.
Occasionally...
he goes out of his way
to bring me lunch, all right?
That's nice.
Your little brother.
I need to fax something.
How would I do that?
Gosh, Sue Ellen.
Being an executive administrative
assistant, you can figure that out.
Hello?
Hi. Are you a temp?
No. I'm Sue Ellen.
I work for Rose.
Hi. I'm Cathy.
So you're Rose's new
executive administrative assistant.
Well, congratulations.
I submitted my rsum,
but it wasn't good enough.
Wow. Working with Rose
must be so neat.
Am I cutting in front of you?
Are you faxing?
No, I'm still organizing
my spreadsheet...
and my projections--
amorphous hub stuff.
Oh, right.
So anyway, I'm Fred Kibrick's
secretary over in sales.
It has been really slow.
- Gosh! You're swamped!
- Yeah.
I'm a whiz on the computer...
so ifyou ever have
anything for me, just ask.
Ifyou want-- Are you familiar
with the Q.E.D. report?
Oh, wow.
Really?
- Yeah, go ahead, really.
- Thank you.
Oh, and don't feel overwhelmed.
Just do one thing at a time.
Right
- Hello?
- How's it goin'?
what do you mean?
How are you?
Are the kids okay?
No. I tied 'em to a red-ant hill.
Did you get some money?
Hey, who are you?
Where's that other broad, Mona?
Not yet.
There's a problem.
What'd they do? Fire you?
I'm Sue Ellen. I work for Rose.
Can I help you?
I need a copy of
the Bob's Big Boy account figures.
What ar.eyou gonna do?
This Clown Dog shit's gone, man.
What do you want me to do?
We have a receding profit margin.
Yo, Gidget,
could you get on it?
I can't right now.
I'm on an important phone call.
If you didn't get the money,
why'd you call?
Hey, look.
I don't have all day.
Hold on.
What is your name,
and what do you do here?
I'm Bruce.
I'm head inventory clerk. Why?
Well, Bruce, I'm the executive level
administrative assistant...
and when I get those figures ready,
I'll give you a buzz...
and you can run up here
and fetch them, all right?
Yeah, sure.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
- I just called to say hi.
- Aren't you busy in your career?
I'm in between important meetings.
I'm so sorry I disturbed you, Kenny.
You did. We're busy.
- Fine! Screw you!
- Up yours!
Bitch.
Such a punk.
What?
How are you doin', Mom? Yeah.
No, everything's great.
No, Mrs. Sturak's not here. She--
She went to the yarn store.
Yeah, she's crocheting this
massive doily for the couch.
I-- I gotta go, Mom.
Hey, babe.
Who's the void in Lindsey's office?
She applied for
the receptionist job.
Suddenly she's an executive?
I don't get it.
- Ready.
- Genie.
- Where you park your. car..
- Garage?
-A horse runs at a--
- Gallop.
- You go to the supermarket--
- Groceries.
- Do you ever go outside?
- Nah. No TV.
No prizes.
All right.
Gentlemen, you've got it.
Who does not want ...
When you're gonna do a cake...
you really have to have
a battle plan all ready...
so that when you start in,
you can just go right through the cake.
You don't wanna go out and play croquet
in the middle, for instance.
I'll give her the message.
Bye.
Cathy, thank you so much.
No, Sue Ellen.
Thank you. Really.
Why don't you call Siam Mania
and order in lunch for us.
- The naked shrimp is to die from.
- Right. Yum.
They'll deliver.
Pay out of petty cash.
- Petty cash?
- Cash box is in your locked drawer.
There should be plenty.
You can cash personal checks
for our employees.
We work such hellish hours here,
no one has time to go to the bank.
Guard it with your life, and leave
receipts for whateveryou take.
I'll authorize it, okay?
is this for me?
This is exquisite.
We're so in sync.
- Hi, Zach.
- Hi.
What's wrong?
Me and Cynthia
are having some problems.
I think she likes Jacob better.
Maybe she's trying
to make you jealous.
Maybe.
Oh, here.
There's an article on game playing.
I really think
you should read it.
Take the quiz afterward, okay??
Check it out.
Elvis, I'm gonna take you higher.
Look at his eyes.
Poor dude
Kenny, could you
turn the music down?
- Kenny.
- What?
I have been working.
I've had a very rough day.
- Could you turn the music down?
- It's down, cave lady.
Kenny, why don't you save
your last three brain cells?
- What ifyou need them?
- I won't.
That's right.
You'll never need them.
There's always gonna be some jerk around
stupid enough to take care of you.
- what is your problem?
- Yeah.
You couldn't even
mow the lawn today
You're worthless.
I am doing everything,
and I'm trying to get ready for a date.
When are you gonna start helping me,
you lazy little punk?
P.M.S. City, man.
God, that's cold!
So, Bryan,
when do the grunion run?
Right about now.
They get washed up here on the shore
after the highest tide of the full moon.
Or the new moon
Anyway, the girl grunion,
she comes and lays her eggs in the sand.
Then the guy grunion comes
and fertilizes them.
So they don't, like,
do it together?
Not like us
- I mean, like humans.
- Oh
You wanna go and watch for 'em?
It happens really fast.
Sure.
You goin' to college?
What do you wanna do?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
I'm supposed to register
at City College.
You know, maybe take some
fashion design classes or something.
- What about you?
- My parents want me to go to UCSD.
They have a really good
oceanography program there.
- That's cool.
- Yeah, but I'm not so sure.
I figure I'll keep
savin' up for it anyway.
That's the only reason I'm still
at Clown Dog after nine months.
It's funny.
I always thought that my parents
had this big college fund for me.
Yes. Me too
But I guess that's only on
the savings and loan commercials
It's like, I don't know if
I want oceanography to be my life.
I mean, I love it.
Love it.
But it's like once you decide
on something, it's all planned out.
It's like all of a sudden,
anything you do means that's your life.
I'm not sure what
I want my life to be yet.
And then you're stuck in this plan
because you decided, you know?
And then you're old or older.
I don't know.
I guess I'm just stalling.
What?
Nothing.
I just know what you mean.
It's always ...
Yeah. I hate this part.
I mean, I like this part, but--
Oh, God.
It's okay. Come here.
Forget it.
I ruined the moment.
No, I ruined it
because I talked about it.
When you talk, you ruin it.
You can't talk unless you stop.
Kenny, wake up.
The food that I bought yesterday
is already gone.
I was entertaining some friends
last night, and we had the munchies.
I am not working
to feed your scummy friends.
You're a career woman now.
- We can afford to be hospitable.
- Whatever. Here.
- Go buy some more food for the kids.
- You got paid!
Well, not exactly.
It's office money, petty cash.
My paycheck's gonna be over $1,000.
I'll be able to put it back.
I gotta go.
And I don't want your friends
hanging around my house.
Mow the lawn today,
and don't forget the dishes. Bye.
I'll do the dishes.
- Yes, Scott!
- One more.
- Pull!
- There!
Dishes are done, man.
Cleans 'em down to a shine.
- Hi, Franklin.
- Hi.
Sue Ellen, I need
to get this P.O. approved.
- I got a good deal on some material.
- Good.
I was just gonna see if Rose wanted
to grab some lunch in the cafeteria.
Well, you just missed her.
Sorry.
hungry?
- Good afternoon.
- Thank you
Thank you.
So, how long have you
and Rose been together?
We're not really together.
A few months.
We agreed we're not exclusive
I date other women.
Dinner, movies,
jazz clubs, the symphony.
- Do you like classical music?
- I played cello in high school
Do people always tell you
How young you look young?
No, not usually
I'd ask how old you are,
but most women don't really like that.
- No, we don't.
- It baffles me.
A woman gets older...
she matures, she ripens.
Juices start flowing.
What's to hide?
- Would you like something from the bar?
- Have a drink.
It's a special occasion.
All right. I'd like
a Martini & Rossi on the rocks.
Ah yes.
Sweet or dry?
- What?
- Sweet or dry?
Um, just a little bit of both.
- And foryou, sir?
- White wine spritzer.
- What's the special occasion?
- It's our first lunch together.
This'll give us a chance to break down
some of those corporate barriers.
By the end of lunch, we'll probably
be sharing our intimate histories...
stories of our first time.
Next thing you know we'll be sharing
a cigarette in postcoital bliss.
Are you talking about
us having sex?
Hey, slow down.
You're moving too fast for me.
But if that interests you,
it can be arranged.
And if it doesn't,
I was kidding.
Rosemary chicken's delicious here.
Very tender.
Well, thank you for lunch
Anytime.
Now she's kissing up to Gus?
I can't stand
that conniving little snot.
Here's another one.
In Minneapolis, an 1 1 th grader
beat up a schoolmate...
over a rhinestone leather jacket
and a pair of Fiorucci jeans.
I just don't think that kids
are gonna want to wear uniforms.
Don't you think that they're
kind of plain, kind of boring?
Frankly, it's not up
to the students to decide.
Next week I'll sit the superintendent
of schools down over eggs Florentine...
and I'll convince him
that mandatory school uniforms...
are necessary for the safety
of our schoolchildren.
Not to mention boosting G.A.W. sales.
It'll be absolutely perfect.
I don't know.
Kids like to wear stuff that's them.
My high school
was like a fashion show.
Back then it was safe.
But times, they are a-changin
I guess you're right.
It was a long time ago.
Let's stop. I'm exhausted,
and I'm late to meet Gus.
What's the deal
with you and him?
We've been mutually un-exclusive
for the last seven months.
I brought up
the cohabitation topic recently.
I brought up
the cohabitation topic recently.
And we gave it
some serious thought.
We decided it would be more
practical and convenient...
ifwe maintained separate space.
Which basically means
he isn't ready to commit.
But they're all little boys
pretending to be men, right?
All the guys that I've dated
have been boys.
Precisely.
The Peter Pan syndrome.
God, I really need to get away.
Gus has been trying to talk me into this
wild, dirty weekend in Santa Barbara...
and I really wanna go.
I don't want him to know that...
so I haven't been
too enthusiastic about it.
I know how that goes.
But tonight, I think I'll stop
letting him try and persuade me.
That'll do it.
You go on home, have a glass ofwine,
and put cucumber slices on your eyes.
- You'll feel much better.
- Well, I'm all out of cucumbers.
Sue Ellen, every girl over 25
should have a cucumber in their house.
Remember these things?
They're great. Bounce with me.
I feel stupid.
We are too old to bounce.
Come on.
Bouncing is an ageless pastime.
Come on.
Would you feel more comfortable
if I started?
Come on.
Why'd you stop?
Good moment.
You're gonna have to
get off those things.
There's a band playing
at Club Lago next week. Wanna go?
- You have to be over 21.
- Yeah. Drag.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the beach
with some buddies. Wanna come?
I can't.
I've got work.
Oh, yeah. The grind.
- Wanna go to a Dodger game tomorrow?
- That sounds good.
My sister and her boyfriend
got extra tickets. Box seats.
No, wait. I can't.
I just remembered,
I hate baseball.
You hate baseball?
Okay. Then we'll
just do something else.
- Just the two of us.
- Good.
I'll pickyou up at work
around 6:00?
No, don't do that.
I'll call you when I get home.
- What's goin' on?
- Nothing.
- Going out tomorrow night's great.
- Then why not tell me where you work?
Are you doing something illegal?
Are you workin' for the mob?
I just don't want
you to know, okay?
What if I wanted to
send you flowers or somethin'?
Well, you could
send them to the house.
- Who'd sign for them?
- One of the kids.
And what if they're not here?
Why are you makin' this so complicated?
Then don't send me flowers.
I just wanna know what it is
you do all day, that's all.
Come on. Drop it.
Stop acting like Henry VIII.
Just forget it, okay?
I'm sorry I cared.
That's a shitty thing to say!
You're just pissed off because
I don't wanna meet your sister.
Who cares about my sister?
All I said was she's been in a slump
'cause of the backstabber at her office.
How do you know
this woman is a backstabber?
Maybe she's nice. Why do you
have to be so judgmental about her?
Look, Swell.
What's up with you, huh?
Are you seein' someone else, or what?
'Cause that's what it sounds like.
I mean, ifyou're seein' some other guy,
you don't have to do all this.
You could just tell me,
just be honest.
No, there is nobody else, okay?
I just wish that
you could respect my privacy.
I'd respect your privacy
ifyou weren't so secretive.
I'd tell you more
ifyou didn't wanna know so much.
Okay. Fine.
I'm outta here.
Doesn't look like Julia's.
Shut up, Quizzoid. Eat.
You're up.
I've been at it all night.
Check these out.
Beautiful Belgian waffles.
Julia made 'em on her show yesterday.
- Did you turn the air-conditioner on?
- Well, I was hot.
I'm stuck with the bills.
I would like to keep
that thermostat at 76, okay?
You take these things
so personally.
- Where are all the dishes?
- In the dishwasher.
- Then empty it.
- Well, that's Zach's job.
I'll do it later.
It was your turn
to dump the trash.
I couldn't fit it
in my schedule.
- Bryan didn't call yet, huh?
- Why not call the stud horse?
I'm letting him cool off.
I'll call him in a few weeks
when all this is over.
Then I can just go to the beach
and take a towel and a Walkman...
and lie in the sand
and rub oil on myself...
and I won't have to interface
with anybody, and get tan.
Little League sign-ups
are at 11:30.
- Don't forget.
- I can't. I've got a sales meeting.
But you promised
- I know. I'm sorry.
- Gonna be late for wor
Yeah, well,
enjoy your childhood.
Traffic is really tied up
on the northbound and southbound 405.
A truck is blocking
the slow lane.
You looked so incredible in
that bathing suit. It was unbelievable.
Operation Eggs Florentine
was a rousing success.
The school board
is going to vote on it.
The superintendent needs
cost estimates from us by Wednesday!
This is going to triple
our profit margin.
We'll finally prove
ourselves to New York.
You got roses.
Who might they be from?
They're for you.
Obviously our weekend away in Santa
Barbara was the turning point for us.
Shades of real intimacy.
Have you ever had
a 48-hour orgasm?
I've never been
to Santa Barbara.
Look at me. I'm glowing.
The man makes me glow. Am I glowing?
You're shiny.
Oh, God, I feel like a teenager.
Here are your messages.
Great. Thanks. I'm going
to go glow in my office.
I stole her rsum from Personnel
to check her out.
I had a feeling. None of these companies
ever heard of her. I'm going to Rose.
But the void's getting by.
And Rose loves her.
She's not going to care.
You've got to get something
better on her than that.
What did she do,
copy it from a rsum book?
Crandell house?
We got your home entertainment center.
Yeah. Set it up right over there.
The vote on the unifor.m issue has been
pushed up. I need those estimates today.
I don't see there being
any dilemma with that at all.
We'll messenger them right over.
How are the cost estimates for the
superintendent? He needs them today.
I'm right on top of that, Rose.
- Where's Cathy?
- I don't know. I'm a temp.
Can I help?
- She doesn't want to go with me.
- Just call her.
Oh, hi, Carolyn. I'm sick.
This is a Q.E.D. report.
I promised Sue Ellen I'd do it for her.
Would you see that she gets it?
- It's really important. Thanks.
- Thankyou.
I don't know why,
but she's keeping things from me.
I think it's another guy.
Maybe I should do something crazy,
like sweep her off her feet.
Just forget about her.
She's not worth it.
You deserve better
Problem?
- Don't say anything. I understand.
- What do you understand?
Well...
either the scenario is that you want
to politely thank me for the roses...
or you burst in here
wanting to be impulsive...
and ask me to go to Carmel
with you this weekend.
Sure. We'll fly.
I have my pilot's license.
Maybe I gave you the wrong idea,
but I'm not interested in you.
Then why did you burst through my door
so determined, so eager?
Why are you doing this to Rose?
Hey, look, I'm kidding.
Maybe I gave you the wrong idea.
- Why don't we start with the symphony?
- I'm not starting anything with you.
- Thanks, guys. Bye.
- Anytime.
Awesome.
I say next batch we do more
mocha Swiss Amaretto ones.
Mocha Swiss. Got it.
- I need you!
- Gourmet munchies, man.
Come help!
Something's wrong
with the TV antenna.
I'm in a meeting.
Have Bob Barker help you.
- Go long.
- Thanks. Awesome.
- What is that sound?
- There's something up there.
Help! Somebody help me!
Dude!
Holy shit!
- Your paycheck.
- Thank you.
Where have you been?
Where's the Q.E.D. report?
Rose, I tried--
Yes, the Q.E.D. report.
I have that for you.
What are you doing with it?
What is Carolyn doing with it?
Cathy brought it by. Seems she's been
covering for Sue Ellen, doing her work.
You let Cathy do the Q.E.D. report?
I was wondering
how you would get that...
and the research for
the school presentation done.n
Bravo. You really know
how to delegate responsibility.
You want to be executive material?
Keep an eye on Sue Ellen.
You are a paragon.
- Lunch?
- I'd love to.
- General Apparel West.
- Thanks for the roses.
She's busy right now.
Can I take a message? Is this a joke?
Don't mention it.
River Ridge Hospital is on line three.
There's an emergency with your son?
My son.
- Your son?
- Her son?
Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. Crandel.
What? Oh, my God.
I'll be right there. Will you please
tell him I will be right there?
Thank you.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah. I hope so.
- I didn't know you were married.
- I'm not. I'm divorced.
It's a painful memory.
I don't like to talk about it.
I'm looking for Walter Crandell.
Swell, I don't know ifhe's okay. He's
in with the doctor. He better be okay.
- What happened?
- I'm sorry.
Mrs. Crandell, I'm Dr. Permutter.
Here he is.
Oh, my-- I'm Mrs. Crandell,
Walter's mom.
How is he? What happened?
How do you feel, honey? Are you okay?
It's a clean break.
It should heal nicely.
I fell off the roof.
What was he doing on the roof?
I wasn't there. I should have been.
I mean, not on the roof.
But I should have been with him,
taking care of him.
Reading Gr.een EggsAnd Ham
or some shit like that.
Walt, man,
I'm really sorry.
You'll have to bring him back
for a walking cast in six weeks.
Have him take one of those
if he has any pain.
We'll stop and get you
an ice-cream cone, okay?
That doesn't make up
foryour irresponsibility.
Look! I screwed up!
I'm sorry.
Is he your son too?
No. He's my stepson.
That's why we don't
get along so well.
We better get along home for supper.
I'm making pot roast, Walter's favorite.
Come on, kids. Let's go.
Chop, chop.
- Take it easy.
- Help your brother.
I can't believe you
let this happen to him.
- Go to hell.
- Damn it
- Shit.
- What?
My check is only for $735.
I thought you were getting,
like, over a grand.
Taxes. They took half
of my money away for taxes...
and some savings
and pension plan.
At least I have enough to cover
what we spent from petty cash.
- How are you doing?
- Hollywood Squar.es are on.
Bitchin'!
- Where'd this come from?
- Japan. It's state of the art.
It's nice, but where did you get the
money for something so state of the art?
It was petty cash money.
You were spending petty cash money.
I bought a pair of boots and a magazine!
You bought a home entertainment center?
- It was Walter's idea.
- It's going back.
We can't take it back.
We got it on sale.
It wasn't your money.
It was my money.
It wasn't really your money either.
You embezzled it.
I did not embezzle it.
I borrowed it.
I was going to put it back after my next
paycheck, but we can't afford all this.
How could you do this?
You would never steal from Mom.
That's because Mom
never had that much.
There's only $30 left.
You should see the Zsa Zsa diamond ring
he bought for Cynthia.
You bought her a diamond?
- How much was it?
- It was a chip.
- Get it back.
- Diamonds are forever.
I needed a new bike, and I got Walter
the new edition of Super.Password...
and Elvis a new chew toy.
You have spent over $3,000?
You are all grounded.
- How could you steal from me?
- They didn't really steal.
They borrowed. They were following
your irresponsible example.
Shut up. I am in deep shit.
Quit your job.
Get out while you can.
I'm an embezzler.
They're going to throw me in prison.
The judge will probably go easy on you,
considering you're a minor.
I'm not going to give up.
I'll just economize.
I'll keep working.
I'll work overtime.
A few more paychecks, I'll be able to
put it back and no one will know, right?
I'm innocent.
G.A.W.'s history.
- We're going to be out of a job.
- What?
The school board rejected it.
You were right.
The students got wind of it
and held a huge protest.
They burned uniforms in effigy.
This was our last hope.
We're probably all
going to be canned tomorrow.
Listen, can't you call New York?
Convince them to give us more time
so we can keep working?
Why bother?
It's not the end of the world.
- It's just a job.
- But I need this job.
I have to tell you.
I kind of have a problem.
You're not going to have a problem.
You're going to be fine, believe me.
With all your qualifications
and background...
you're going to land
an even better job.
Do me a favor, would you?
Would you break
the news to Franklin?
You're so good
at dealing with the staff.
With your qualifications and background,
you'll land an even better job.
Thanks.
You've been a real trouper
right to the end.
I'm going to miss you.
Rose, I have an idea.
This is going to save our
collective asses. It's fabulous.
I don't want New York to know anything
about it. They'd never approve funding.
You'll need to rent a banquet hall.
You do have enough in petty cash, right?
Well--
- I have to tell you something.
- Go ahead, you honey
Banquet halls are so impersonal
My house is fabulous.
We can have it there. It'll be perfect.
We are a family of felons.
Our summer of freedom is going to be a
winter prison if I don't get some help.
I want this place spick-and-span
by Saturday, or I'm turning us all in.
Are you with me?
Guys, what do you say?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Come on! What do you say?
- All right!
We're with you!
Rock and roll!
Thank you.
- Take a look.
- I don't know. This is risky
Let me show you one more thing.
Here is a normal waiter's uniform, but
I was thinking of changing the color.
Or it could be in black and white,
turquoise and black or red and black.
- Coffee, dear?
- Yeah.
Thankyou, everyone, for staying.
We're going to pull an all-nighter.
Strike two!
It's okay. You can do it.
I know you can. Concentrate.
Home run! Way to go!
That's my girl.
But the recipe calls for shrimp,
so I need some more cash.
I told you.
We have to economize.
There's nothing left in petty cash.
I've taken it all.
Just try to do the best you can.
Wait. I have a coupon for that.
It's a double coupon.
Where are the kids?
Zach's at Cynthia's,
Melissa's upstairs, and Walter's asleep.
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing is wrong with me.
Did you burn something?
Maybe ifyou'd called and told me
you were going to be four hours late...
I could have planned
my dinner better.
- I had to work late, okay?
- You still should have called.
I sat, and I waited.
I went ahead and fed the kids.
I worked all day on that casserole.
Sorry.
You haven't even said
how nice the house looks.
You're off at the office all day
doing interesting office things.
I'm stuck here,
cooking and cleaning and mowing.
Helping Melissa with her fastball.
Being a role model forZach.
Spending quality time with Walter.
Doing your party shit!
You've got the car, and you don't
even take me anywhere anymore.
When was the last time we went out
to dinner together, huh?
I'm sick and tired
of not being appreciated.
I appreciate you.
Eat shit!
I don't believe this.
I have to get up at 5:30 every morning,
so I can beat rush-hour traffic...
and go sit behind a desk for eight hours
and miss Oprah every day of my vacation.
Then I get to drive home in gridlock
in a Volvo with no air-conditioning...
just so I can take care ofyou guys
and put food on the damn table.
It's a rat race,
and it sucks.
So what do you want, a medal?
You don't have to do all this.
I never asked you
to whisk the couch.
Well, it needed it.
I knew she was a phony.
I did not think she was a thief.
"Distinctive Valet Parking,
Classical Accompaniment Musicians."
- "K.C. Catering."
- "Bodacious Sculptures In Ice."
She didn't steal from petty cash.
She paid for the buyers' shindig.
It's all legit.
Let's get out of here.
I give up.
She's only 17
Don't be rude to anybody.
Don't spit on anybody.
Don't wander off because
I want you to meet my boss.
- Remember. Call me Mommy.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Let's rehearse. Melissa, come, honey!
- Okay, Mommy!
- Hi, Mrs. Crandell.
- Hi, kids.
Thanks for helping out.
- Where's Kenny?
- Getting ready.
- Good evening, Mrs. Crandell.
- You look great.
That's Kenneth.
The guests have started to arrive.
Man your trays.
Get going there.
Good tray. Good tray. All right.
Go get them, big man.
Better get your ass out there,
Mrs. Crandell.
Hi, Mommy.
This is my daughter, Melissa.
Hey, boss lady, creole mushroom?
Hello, Melissa.
No, thanks. Not tonight.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
I love that they're wearing
our uniforms. Fabulous touch.
- Look at the jalopy.
- This is going to be so much fun.
- Yeah.
- Yo, mad dog. Want to park the car?
- We're on a break, dude.
- Park it yourself, Metallica breath.
I brought this Jell-O mold
just in case you needed one.
This is my husband, Howard.
I love your house. Oh, wow.
Take the baked Brie out of the oven.
It will caramelize.
- Where you been? You're our maitre d'.
- Cynthia dumped me for Jacob.
- Honey, I'm so sorry.
- I just don't understand.
- She was my moon goddess.
- I know.
- Get over it.
- Get the diamond back?
I'm out of rumaki.
Let me get that for you.
I'm maitred'.
Excuse me.
What is it? Something?
Since this is the biggest night
in G.A.W. history..
I thought you might like to know this
all rests in the hands of a child...
a child you hired.
This is by far and away
the most petty...
spiteful, vindictive machination
you have ever concocted.
Grow up, Carolyn.
We're here.
What do you want us to do?
Great. Why don't you go up
to my room and change?
I'll be up there
in a few seconds, okay?
This is going to be great.
I was looking for you.
Great house.
- You look lovely.
- Thank you.
-I know you said you're not interested--
-That's right. I'm not.
I understand why. I want you to know
I'm not taking this lightly.
I don't think it's fair--
I know. My timing is off.
I know you're just
getting over a divorce.
You can't imagine how off
your timing is. Forget it.
Or we could just have a wild,
sweaty fling. What do you think?
you know...
I think the scenario here
is that you're a sleazeball.
Hey. I was kidding.
I surrender.
What's this? What is this?
Just a little accident.
Gus has sort of
a little crush on me.
He's been coming on to you?
Come on.
You know how I feel about you.
You're the one I want to
listen to beautiful music with.
You
He sent those roses to me.
This is not true!
Believe me.
We're all adults here, and we have
a presentation to get through.
The buyer from Saks
is looking for you.
It's show time.
Good evening.
Thank you.
I'm Rose Lindsey.
On behalf of General Apparel West,
I'd like to welcome you.
I'm sure you're all on the edge ofyour
seats wondering what we have in store.
So to conduct our presentation,
I'd like to introduce our hostess...
our recently named
employee of the month...
and the woman responsible
for all you're going to view tonight.
Thank you.
Welcome, everyone.
For 12 years General Apparel West
has enjoyed a solid reputation...
as the manufacturer of quality uniforms,
but times, they are a-changin'.
We're growing.
We're expanding.
We're approaching the millennium
with a fresh attitude and look.
What we have foryou is a preview
of the General Apparel West to come.
Ladies and gentlemen,
General Apparel West proudly presents...
the teenage fashion wave
of the future.
Tess, Marcie and Donna
are wearing bellhop uniforms...
in fuchsia, purple and teal,
hand airbrushed silk with matching caps.
The epaulets and cuff detailing
are antique gold lace.
The jackets, in varying lengths,
are matched with sporty black pants...
or sleek miniskirts.
The basic General Apparel West uniform
has been modified and accessorized...
to create a fun and sexy look
for the teenage girl.
Nicole is wearing a form-fitting
nurse's uniform with mini-hemline.
It'll speed up any boy's pulse.
The black diamonds
on Nicole's cap and dress...
are hand airbrushed
on fuchsia spandex.
Her pink high-top sneakers
are laced up her tangerine tights.
Of course, no nurse would be complete
without her stethoscope necklace.
Jill, our referee, is wearing
an oversized silk jersey...
in bold black-and-turquoise stripes,
black tights and high-top sneakers.
Her whistle earrings and necklace
and black baseball cap...
complement this carefree
and spirited look with the girl...
who's playing the field
and calling all the plays.
Swell, it's me. It's Bryan.
We got to talk about this.
Forget about this other guy.
We can work this out.
It was really stupid what happened.
I don't know ifit was some kind
of communication meltdown or what.
- Katrina, our chef, is...
- We should work it out.
really cooking in her scarf.
She's whipping up excitement
in her boots. Thank you.
Thank you.
I really care about us.
There's something about you.
I don't even know what it is, but I feel
better around you than anyone else.
- That's why I really miss you.
- Our last model is Becky.
Becky is our Boy Scout.
She's wearing a Boy Scout's uniform.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And, everyone, the highlight
of our fashion extravaganza.
Young Bryan, our Clown Dog server.
You're having a party?
Bryan is wearing
a Clown Dog uniform...
with a classic wedge cap,
evoking the charming nostalgia--
- What?
- Mom's home.
Hi, Mom.
- Busted.
- Dude
And that is our presentation
for this evening. Thankyou for coming.
good night
- What are you doing?
- I'm right on top of that.
Finish the presentation.
- It's not as bad as you think.
- Save it.
Shit.
Go on.Just do it.
Swell! You're in big trouble,
young lady.
I can't handle this anymore.
I applied for a receptionist job.
I don't even know what an executive
administrator assistant does.
I lied to everyone
about everything...
and I'm sorry.
I'm only 17. I have a curfew.
I just finished high school.
I can't even vote yet.
This was supposed
to be my summer vacation.
I'm not supposed
to be a career mom.
I can't be the hub
of your communication network.
I'm really not ready
for any of this.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry.
How humiliating. I love it.
Yeah, babe.Justice is served.
what are you doing here?
So do you believe me now? Or are
you just going to believe some kid?
I'm going to believe some kid.
Go to hell
I'm not real clear about
what's been going on around here...
But I want these people
out of my property.
I want you to start doing
some heavy-duty explaining.
I am never trusting you again.
I specifically said no parties.
You weren't supposed
to come home yet.
Sorry to have messed up your plans.
Who are these people?
- Mom, calm down.
- I will not calm down.
What happened to Walter?
He had a little accident,
but everything is taken care of.
We have excellent
medical coverage.
We will clean up the party.
You've had a long flight,
and you're cranky.
I have had a very rough night.
Why don't you go upstairs
and take a nap?
Tomorrow morning Kenny will whip up
a batch of Belgium waffles...
and we'll sit down
and discuss this like adults.
Fine.
Why don't you guys
go wrap up the party?
- Why don't you help Walter to bed?
- Good night, Mom-- I mean, Swell.
Thank you.
- What did you do to yourself?
- We'll talk about it in the morning.
But for now, why don't you
just go to your room?
- I can not believe it.
- Oh, that's very funny
What?
I'll be damned.
I'm so sorry
The buyers didn't care anything
about that scene.
They're all just
a bunch of old whores.
They loved your ideas.
I see nothing but dollar signs
As a matter of fact,
they complimented me...
on hiring a teenager
to gain market perspective.
I've got seven meetings
set up next week alone.
They want the new G.A.W. Iine.
But what about everything else?
I lied to you.
I'm a terrible person.
Well, I suppose
you'll grow out of that.
Maybe
Dude, that was a superior party.
Superior eats.
- Yeah. Thanks for helping out.
- No problem.
What do you say,
beer bust tomorrow night?
I can't. I got a date
with Swell's friend Nicole.
- the nurse?
- Yeah
Hot.
School starts next week.
Lazy days.
I don't know. I was thinking
I might go to class more.
Why?
Well, it's time to finish up school..
I might take some Home Ec.
graduate.
Maybe go to the Culinary Academy
Or some shit like this
- That could be cool.
- Yeah. It's time to do something.
Please reconsider. I'm offering you
a wonderful opportunity.
I know.
I appreciate it a lot. Really.
But I think
I'm going to try college.
Design school or something. I don't
know. I still have a lot to learn.
If you want to get into Vassar,
I could pull some strings.
Maybe
I'm going to miss you.
I'm going to miss you too.
Thank you.
Let's get together on Monday night.
We will have dinner.
Bye, sweetie.
I am really sorry.
Yeah.
Carolyn and I both pretty much
figured out what's been going on.
Is that everything?
There isn't anything else
you haven't told me, right?
You're not really a guy, are you?
So, did you mean what you said
about working things out?
We broke up. Remember?
We didn't break up.
We had a fight.
- Yeah, because you were lying to me.
- Yeah, but that's over.
So ifyou thought we broke up, I guess
you thought we were together, huh?
Well, yeah.
Anyway, I guess now
that I know the truth--
Well, thanks for sticking around.
What are you doing
New Year's Eve?
I think this is another
really good moment.
Me too.
How do you Tzny Tsttiay escape
From all this anyway
I pretty much did.
- Beautiful, something else also.
- Yes, Mom?
Where is the babysitter?
I'm really going to miss her.
You never even knew her.
Yeah, but she left us
all her money.
She's already dead, you moron!
Well, that's true.
1:41:07.161 - 01:41:10.780
How about Vegas this weekend?
Got any money left?