Down and Derby (2005) Movie Script

That was easy.
My name is Phil Davis.
I was a kid who could
outrun, out jump or out hit
anyone in my class.
And then, this kid from California named
Ace Montana moved to town.
Just say the word,
and I'll take him out right now.
Naw, leave him alone,
Big Jimmy.
I had a feeling
he was gonna win.
Shut up, Blaine.
Well, I did.
Ever since then,
Ace has been number one,
and I've been number two.
I should have changed my name to "Deuce".
"Deuce" Davis.
Come on!
Not much has changed
over the years.
Big Jimmy hasn't grown an inch
since fifth grade,
and Blaine is... well, still Blaine.
All right guys,
let's play some good defense.
That's it.
Don't let them score.
And Ace...
is still number one.
Keep it down here...
Keep it down here, Brady.
Come on, Brady!
Now, Brady!
Shoot it now!
Yeah! Yeah!
Time out.
Come on, Big Jimmy,
keep 'em going.
Hey, Brady,
slammin' shot, man.
Ah, thanks.
Dude, dude...
I didn't see you there.
Come on. Walk away, Brady,
walk away, pal.
Sweet shot.
Brady, nice shot, nice shot.
Two seconds.
Two seconds.
That's all they've got, okay?
Everybody knows the ball
is gonna go to A.J.
Don't foul him.
Whatever you do, don't foul him,
And if you do foul him,
make sure he goes
to the hospital,
not the foul line!
Hey, hey. Okay,
come on, come on.
Here we go, here we go,
here we go!
Let's go!
All right, come on, guys!
Come on, guys, we got him.
We got him!
Hey, hey, don't say that
to those kids.
A lot can happen
in two seconds.
Remember Christian Laettner?
Regional finals...
Seriously, that's.
Ace Montana over there.
What makes you think
he can lose?
Hey, Blaine, would you shut up?
Both of you chill.
We got "fake bake"
by the short hairs.
Ain't no way these little kids
are gonna take the ball full court
and score
with two seconds left.
It would take a miracle.
Come on you guys!
Or a "Hail Mary" at half court.
It's in.
Whoa, Phil.
Phil, what, bad dream?
Oh... oh, a nightmare,
it was a nightmare.
I dreamt that, uh...
oh, that Brady's team
was in the city basketball
finals, and, and,
we were up by two,
and... and... and A.J. took
a shot from half court,
with no time left,
and he beat us.
Oh, man.
Oh, that's it!
That's it!
We're moving.
Oh, Phil!
Do we have to go through this
every time Ace beats you
at something?
Well, how 'bout everything
and now its starting
all over again with... with Ace's
clone A.J. and... and Brady!
Phil, its past 3:00.
I'm never gonna make
my spinning class.
Why did he have to move here
and ruin my life?
Ace Montana!
What kind of a name is that?!
I'll tell you what kind
of name it is.
It's the coolest damn name
I've ever heard.
Something exciting has come up...
and you are the guy that can handle it.
Are you familiar
with the Japanese conglomerate,
Yakimoto Technology
and Communications?
Are you kidding?
Yeah, I mean, we...
we all use Yakimoto
cell phones, right?
Guess what?
They saw one of our ads
in a magazine.
They loved the copy.
This is a huge, Phil!
If we are chosen,
this is ten million dollars
in revenue!
Right, but, uh,
Stewart's your... your go-to guy.
What about Stewart?
No, Phil.
You're gonna be the go-to guy.
I need you to go home,
I need you to concentrate.
I need you
to put on that thinking cap of yours.
I want you to come up
with a bunch of ideas
that are going to blow
these guys away.
What I want to know, Phil,
is are you up for this?
Are you kidding?
I am... I am so up for this, Larry.
I am ready.
Look, we're going to meet
on this tomorrow, 4:00.
I'll be there Larry.
And thank you so much.
And I will not let you down.
This is really gonna be fun.
Now, don't forget,
you're supposed to do it
with your dad's supervision.
The instructions
are in the box, okay?
And then, there's gonna be
a big race at the rec center
for all the scouts.
Okay, who wants
an ice cream sandwich?
I do! I do!
Ah, everybody.
Ah, this is gonna be cool.
Don't even waste your time
making a car.
Me and my dad
are gonna win this thing.
What was that, A.J.?
Oh, nothing, Mrs. Davis.
I was just saying how much fun
the Pinewood Derby's gonna be.
" Down and derby."
" Well, it's gettin'
on down and derby."
" Well, it's gettin'
on down and derby."
Oh, Dad!
Look... we're gonna be
in the Pinewood Derby.
You're supposed
to help me make it.
Oh, wow, that's, uh...
it's cool, huh?
Yeah, that's really...
Son, this is gonna be so fun.
I remember doing this
when I was a kid.
Hey, um, Brady,
did all the kids
get one of these?
Mom gave them to us.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, that's so great.
Hey, should be fun
for the kids, huh?
Who do you think
you're kiddin', Ace?
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Dad, look what I got.
It's a new Pinewood Derby car!
Get in the house, Danny.
Give me the car, Dad.
I've got the car,
just get in the house.
But Dad...
Danny, get your little butt
in the house, go on.
Why don't you go inside, son.
Brady, go see...
if your mom needs help
with dinner.
All right.
N-n-no, I-I-I...
I've got this.
I've got it.
It's okay, it's safe with me.
Go on.
Can you have it here
first thing in the morning?
Yeah, I'll take the book
and the how-to video.
No, all my info's on the order form.
All right, thanks.
Oh... you are mine, Ace.
I'm back...
I am gonna own you.
Hey, Dad, it's dinner!
All right.
hey, hey, hey.
What's the matter?
We... well, le... let's...
let's just...
look at it for a minute.
N-n-no, n-n-no,
no no.
See, l-l-l thought
we were just... just looking.
I thought we already did look.
I have heard
that this can happen
with Pinewood Derby cars.
But it's not gonna happen
in this house.
Give... Dad!
Phil, this is Brady's car.
You have to share.
He's supposed to make it
with your supervision.
Like the manual says.
Here you go.
Now, this is the car
I want to make!
It's pretty cool, huh?
Oh, honey, that's really cool!
Isn't that good, Phil?
Yeah, you see, Dad, you know,
I thought we could slope the nose,
so air could hit it,
and it could make it go faster.
Oh, well... yeah, I think
that's, uh, that's fine.
If you're not concerned
about winning,
I think that's fine.
Oh, come on, Phil!
Well, what's wrong
with it, Dad?
Well, I...
the drag coefficient alone...
But, now...
Yeah, yeah.
If you're interested
in winning,
this is your car!
When... when did you have time
to make these?
Oh, I had 'em drawn up, uh,
the minute I found out
we were having a boy.
Yeah, I've been saving 'em
for Brady's first Derby.
What do you think?
It's... it's cool, Dad,
I'd really rather
make this one.
Come on, Dad.
No, no, no, it's okay.
I can see that I am not...
needed for this.
Sit down, Phil.
No, no, no, that's okay.
Go ahead and build... that car.
But when you win the most
cautious driver award,
don't come crying to me.
But Dad, we can win this thing.
Where are you going, Phil?
No, I, you know, I really
don't have time for this.
I've got a lot of work to do
on the Yakimoto campaign,
so, I...
Okay, you are in there,
and I'm gonna find you.
And, I will find you.
In fact, I can see you now.
Don't touch the wood, okay?
The paint doesn't lay right.
Look, there's something I want
you to do though, okay?
I want you to pick out the color.
How about blue?
What about green?
Green is...
For the last time, get to bed!
She's right, buddy, okay?
Will you... will you think
about colors for me though?
All right, I'll see you
in the morning.
Slow down, slow down.
Slow down.
So, what it all boils
down to is...
Remember, it's Danny's car.
You got it, love chunks.
You were saying?
Oh, oh, yeah, um...
what it all boils down to is
if you can't run with the big dogs,
you'd better stay on the porch.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Winning Pinewood Derby cars
are made by dads,
the "big dogs."
But, that's not fair!
Dads are only supposed to supervise.
That's what Mrs. Davis told us.
And she's right!
But, life isn't fair.
So, what I need to know is,
"little dog",
do you want to make your own car
and take last place?
Or do you want
a "big dog" to make it
and kick some butt?
I just thought
it would be more fun
to make my own car.
Come on, baby.
I respect that.
But, if you need any help,
you just let me know, okay?
Thanks, Dad.
Anytime, pal.
Hey, Shaquille!
Your grandpa has a power saw
in his garage.
You can use that to cut it.
Well, do you think
he'd help me?
Of course he'd help you.
No, no, K-Kim!
Kim, no no no.
No, I-I-I-I do not
want your dad getting involved!
He doesn't have a clue
about how to...
build one of these things.
And I don't want Brady
around all that power machinery!
He needs supervision.
From his dad.
Like it says in the manual.
M-may I sit there,
It's okay.
So... thank you.
I'll just...
Excuse me.
No, we're, uh, we're fine.
Yeah, we've got this covered.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, just us guys.
Okay, okay, thank you.
All righty.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, Dad!
Let me, let me,
let me just, uh,
let me just look it over.
This is complicated.
Big Jimmy, what's going on?
I'm leaving.
You... you have a good day.
I-I love you.
Love you, too.
it's him!
Phil Davis.
Ah, that's, uh... hi.
Thank you.
Oh, it's a, potato masher,
slicer-dicer deal.
You've see it on channel 3.
Uh, Jimmy...
it's supposed to be Big Jimmy!
Sorry, Big Jimmy.
Angel joined a book club.
I guess you must be, uh,
Blaine... Moons... man?
That's right, yep.
Shoe trees.
Now, if I could get you guys
to, uh, sign right here...
Derby freaks!
Hi, Blaine, you...
doing a little project?
Picture frames.
Hey, Big Jimmy.
Hey, howdy.
Looks like it's neighbor day.
I just saw Blaine.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Says he's working on his deck.
What are you here for?
Ah, Kim, you know, Kim...
she's, uh, she's been
just nagging me, you know...
I got to organize the... the
gar... I'm building some shelves.
Uh, what about you?
Uh, well, I got the week off,
so I thought I'd start working
on the fence, you know.
You know what they say.
"Good fences make good
neighbors", huh?
Yeah, okay, all right.
Listen, I gotta go
all right?
I got a lot to do.
Good luck with those shelves.
Shelves... oh, yeah,
the shelves... okay then.
So, uh, how's everyone's
Pinewood Derby coming along?
You mean, how's my dad's
Pinewood Derby coming?
I can't wait till I'm a dad,
so I can build my own car and race it.
"You'll get your turn
when we get to the fun stuff."
Your dad says that too?
Yeah, mine too.
What's going on?
Oh, hey, Mom.
We're just hanging out.
What have you guys
been doing all day?
What's your dad doing?
Same thing that Danny and Todd's
dads are doing.
And what might that be?
You don't want to know, Mrs. Davis.
She's gonna freak!
Hey guys, let's go down to
the dairy and get an ice cream,
I'm buying.
Well... where'd you get
the money?
I asked my dad if I could help
him with the Pinewood Derby.
He said, "When we get
to the fun stuff."
And then he gave me this
to get rid of me.
What a minute!
I think I got a great idea.
What is going on?
What is this mess?
Hah, you scared me.
No, Phil!
You are scaring me.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, not...
not... not to worry.
Not to worry.
No, this...
this is all gonna be...
this will be out of here once...
once the Derby's over.
The Derby?
Why the bedroom?
Why not the basement
or the garage?
I'm... I-I-I-couldn't...
I'm sorry I couldn't
hear you, the...
I said
why the bedroom?
Why not the garage
or the basement?
Well, uh...
this... this is the...
the safest place.
The... the safest place?
I don't want anyone to know
I'm getting ready for the Derby.
Now I get it.
Oh, don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.
I won't tell a soul.
Phil, you need a shrink!
Yeah, hey, what do you think
of this track?
It's pretty sweet, right?
The track?
Oh, it's a work of art, yeah.
But, how do we get in the bed?
The bed?
Oh, no, oh, that's...
now, that's not...
that's not so bad, here,
watch, watch...
Excuse me, just...
pardon me.
Excuse me.
Just put...
Put this through.
Right here like that.
Then you...
Right like that.
Cozy like this.
See, I designed it
so the clearance
is just high enough, so that,
you know, we... we can...
we can roll over.
That's you over here.
"Hi, honey, how you doing?"
And... and this is me.
I'm over here.
"Oh, hi, honey, I'm...
"Oh, cuddle up over here.
You wanna spoon?
Mm... so cozy."
Have you done
anything at all
on the Yakimoto campaign?
Oh! Oh.
The Yakimoto campaign.
Oh, yes, of course,
I've been working on that.
Oh, yeah, uh...
Yeah, and, you know what?
I'll show you.
Oh, yeah!
So, hey, hey!
We're gonna win!
Oh, that's, uh, that's mine.
Uh, excuse me.
Pardon me, yeah.
Yeah, it's Phil.
Phil, it's Larry.
Larry... Larry... Larry...
Oh! Oh, uh, yeah, Larry, hey.
Hey, Larry.
What's going on?
We were supposed to meet
30 minutes ago on the Yaki-
Remember what to say?
Yeah, I think so.
Come on, it's easy!
All right.
The Pinewood Derby, and hey,
if a couple of dummies
like us could do it,
you could too.
But, before we tell you how...
Hey, Dad, it's looking good.
Hey. Hey, champ.
What... what's up buddy?
You know, my friends,
they want me to go to the movies
and then get a pizza, but...
I don't have enough money.
And besides I'd rather stay here
and help you!
Well, hey, that's so...
Oh boy, that's sweet.
That's, that's, uh,
that's sweet, but you know,
you know what?
Boy, that's... that's tough.
That's a... that's a tough call.
You know, 'cause, I mean, as much as
I'd like you to stick around here
and, um, help me out, you know,
I know how...
important it is for you
to get out there and...
play with your buddies and...
besides we're not even
to the fun stuff yet.
So... so... so...
how much is it for a...
for a movie?
What's the...
it's, uh, it's $8.
$8,... take, uh...
Take... take that, take that,
and you go have a good time.
You know what,
this is too much, Dad.
I don't want your money.
I just want to stay here
and help you.
No no no,
I don't want you here!
I mean, I want you to go, I do.
I want you to go.
I want...
Here, you take... take this,
and here's a 20.
Here's a 20, and you take that,
and you have fun
with your friends, now go!
That's gonna be a good time.
Yeah, now, go on, go on.
Go, go, go, go, go.
It worked!
You're a genius!
Let's go!
" Make and break the world
record that is set ."
" You know
they'll never forget ."
" Don't underestimate him yet ."
" Because he will succeed
to fill his need for speed"
" it's like a never-ending convo
about insatiable greed ."
Finally, we're getting some place
with these numbers.
This is good.
Could you come to bed?!
It's 4:00 in the morning.
Just one...
one second.
I just got two more runs,
and then I'll be right there.
Am I missing something?
I mean, aren't you allowed
to only race
one Pinewood Derby car?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But according to
the Pinewood Derby Bible,
if you want to win,
you've gotta build a bunch of cars.
And sooner or later,
you come up with that fluke,
that for no logical reason just...
is faster then the rest.
So, see, I'm...
And how fast does that
have to be, Phil?
Well, the all-time world record
is 3.11275 secs.
There is a Pinewood Derby
world record?
Okay, uh, Phil, I'm gonna try
and go back to sleep now!
Yeah, yeah, you go to sleep.
Do you think you could
turn off the light?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
No, no, no!
I thought you
were coming to bed.
I was.
But it looks like I've still
got some more work to do.
" He'll be the last man standing."
" He'll be number one."
" He'll be the first car to finish."
" When the race is won."
I think I can do it.
You guys come on, lets go!
Hey, Phil!
Hey, yeah.
What, uh, what's up?
Oh, we're just gonna take out
the new ATV's.
Oh, wow, yeah.
Where... where'd
you get those?
Oh, there was
a little contest at work,
and they were first prize.
Oh, you...
that's, well, that's... that's good...
Good for you, that's...
Hey, how's your boy
doing with his
Pinewood Derby car?
Oh! Yeah, oh, that,
uh, that... that little,
the little Derby, yeah.
Yeah, you know, I've been so...
I've just been swamped at work.
I just landed
a very, uh, a very
prestigious, uh, campaign.
I haven't even asked him.
What about your little guy?
Bless his little heart,
he is trying so hard.
Little stinker won't even
let me help him.
Says he's got to do it
all by himself.
And I said, "Okay."
Yeah, well, that's, uh,
that's the way
it's supposed to be.
Man, it's so fun watching these
kids grow up, isn't it?
Yeah, oh, it's...
yeah, it is, it's a ball.
Hey, Phil, I gotta run.
Good luck with
that campaign, okay?
On the camp...
Oh, the... the, yeah,
the thing, that's, uh, yeah.
Well, thank you very much.
And you guys have a good time
on those, um, tractors, there.
Okay... yeah.
Hi, Dad!
Hey, buddy!
Oh, wow!
That looks fun.
This is anything but fun.
But if it helps you win
the Derby, Danny,
it's all my pleasure.
What are "big dogs" for, right?
So, uh, can I...
can I help, Dad?
don't you and your buddies
have something going on?
They want me to go to lunch
with them and maybe the city pool
and even the water slides.
But I'd rather stay here
and help you.
You know what?
You're going to have to wait.
I'm out of cash,
and I don't have time to go to the bank.
How about
you give me your ATM card and...
My ATM card.
Yeah, right
I'm just kiddin', Dad.
Can I, can I help, Dad, please?
My ATM card is in my wallet
on my dresser.
The PIN number is 40...
Got it?
Got it.
Thanks, Dad!
You got it.
The doctor will be right with you.
Just another moment.
The doctor will be right with you.
Need more water.
Give me that number two.
More water.
Is this your first one, Doctor?
Right, I've never done this before.
And the manual is unclear
on how to do most of this stuff.
Oh, shoot!
I took off too much there.
Well, let's don't drown it, please.
All right.
Girls, if you're not
gonna take this seriously,
I'll get Maxine in here.
That's enough, you guys.
You're excused.
Thank you.
Hi, Dad!
Are we at the fun stuff yet?
Thanks, Dad!
Coming, coming!
Kim? It's Larry.
Where is Phil?
I have been trying
to call there all day.
Have you tried him on his cell?
He's got it turned off!
He didn't come in today?
He was supposed
to be here at 9:00.
And, tell you the truth,
I'm getting a little nervous,
because I've turned over
the biggest deal of my life
to Phil!
The Yakimoto campaign.
He's told you about it?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Well, you know Phil.
Once he's onto something,
that's all he thinks about.
For Phil's sake,
I hope you're right.
Really, Larry, you know you have
nothing to worry about with Phil.
Yeah, I'm gonna have Phil call
ya as soon as he gets back.
Okay, then.
Your dad gave you
his ATM card too?
He was all out of cash.
So, uh...
how much you taking?
Mm... I don't know.
You guys...
I don't know if this
is such a good idea.
Hey, look...
Our dads are robbing us
of our very first
Pinewood Derby.
What's that worth?
A lot!
Holy cow!
Oh, yeah.
Let's go.
What was that?
Uh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sweetheart.
It's a... a car.
A car derailed.
Uh, the... the car,
it jumped the track.
It... it derailed.
But don't worry.
It can be fixed.
It'll just...
take me a second.
Phil, you're getting
sawdust on me.
Oh, here, here, here sweetie.
Here, take... take that.
Put, put that on your,
on your...
Take your time.
Look, Robbie, you tell.
He has gone way beyond
the fun stuff now!
I gotta go.
Mr. Savage, you have
someone here to see you.
I didn't think I had
any appointments this morning.
You do now.
Oh, jeez.
Whoa, hah.
Hi, honey.
Any idea what today is?
Uh... not really.
June 12th.
Does that ring a bell?
the Pinewood Derby is on the 15th.
Hey, hey, hey!
Give me the towel,
give me the towel!
Jeez, jeez!
What happened?
I was just blow-drying my hair!
Kim, I told you to blow dry
your hair
in the other bathroom!
You could have
set the track on fire!
I mean, look at this mess!
Look at this mess!
And don't you dare try
to blame that on me!
It's your fault.
You have enough wattage
in here to light up Las Vegas.
I'm outta here.
W-w-w-wait, what do you mean
you're "outta here"?
Where are you going?
I'm going to my parents' house.
I'm gonna blow dry my hair.
I'm gonna get some sleep.
And I'm gonna have
someone to talk to.
Mom, Dad, you just wait till
you see what Danny got!
It's so cool.
Brady, I want you
to go pack a suitcase!
Because we're going
to your grandparents' for a few days.
Do we have to?
Yes, Brady, we have to.
But, Mom I wanna
stay here and help Dad
with the Pinewood Derby.
Your dad doesn't want any help
with the Pinewood Derby!
That's not true!
I... I'm... I'm doing this
to help Brady
win this thing!
As soon as we get
to the fun stuff,
I'm... I'm gonna need him.
See, Mom?
Brady, move!
But, Mom!
Look, you don't understand!
I can't afford to go to grandma's.
Brady, go!
if you think for one minute
that I'm doing all of this for me,
then think again!
I am doing this for Brady!
For Brady?!
That's right, for Brady!
I... I don't want him growing up
in the cold shadow
of Ace Montana's kid.
Oh, Phil!
Gimme a break!
This isn't about Brady!
This is all about you!
And by the way...
happy anniversary!
Oh, jeez!
Mother hates rats!
The two of you should get along
just fine!
Hey, Brady.
I'm not gonna need
this anymore.
See, I was gonna keep it
and buy a bike like Danny's,
but I couldn't do it.
Why not?
Because Mom says
you're going through
a hard time right now,
and you're gonna need that.
Because you're probably
gonna get axed from your job
and never work again.
Brady, come now!
Look, I gotta go, okay?
You call me when you get
to the fun stuff,
all right, Dad?
Oh, yeah.
Yes, I will.
All right, I love you, Dad.
Okay, man.
I love you too.
Coming, Mom!
All right, bye.
Yeah... well...
A rat...
Oh, oh, come in, come in.
These are the, uh,
This is, uh,
Uno Yakimoto.
And this is his son,
Kyoshi Yakimoto.
nice to meet you.
Uh, I thought they weren't
supposed to be here
till next week.
Yeah, well, it's, um...
kind of a surprise.
Oh, yeah,
Phil's gonna be surprised.
You have company.
My name is Claude...
it's Larry.
And the Derbymotos.
Now, I'm sorry I can't stay.
I gotta go.
But I want you
to have a wonderful day.
As you can see, Phil has been
working on the campaign,
day and night.
Have fun.
See ya later, sweetheart!
Have a good day!
Put it down right there.
Let me just get down.
Oh boy, it's...
Gee, it's great to meet you.
The Yakimotos
are here to hear
about your progress
on their campaign.
Phil, if I didn't know better,
I would say you were working
on the Pinewood Derby.
But, Mom, I want to stay here
and help Dad
with the Pinewood Derby!
But, I want to help Dad
with the Pinewood Derby!
Danny, get in the car!
I wanna help Dad
with the Derby.
Danny, get in the car!
Come on, Phil.
Tell 'em
what you've got in mind.
Let us know your plan.
We'd love to hear your plan, Phil!
Well, I, um...
I've been...
a lot of different ideas.
But, um... well,
this little device...
This little device.
No, no, I got it, Lar.
It's, um, this has
revolutionized the world.
It's made us more efficient,
more productive,
more competitive.
And it's made us, uh, more
of all of these things.
life has become...
Rat race.
Life has become
a rat race!
This is a little um...
F-follow me, yes.
Yeah, under the...
Yeah, come on, under the...
Yeah, right here.
Just right under here.
And then there's one more.
There you go.
Then right up over here.
That musta hurt.
Yes sir, come on.
Larry, come on, buddy.
It's, one more, Lar, just right under here.
Join us.
Oh, watch your head.
This is... I've done
most of the creative,
uh... work...
here, uh, uh...
Mr. Yakimoto, may I see your...
your cell phone
for a moment?
Oh, he... he...
For you, well.
Could you give me a...
a minute here?
Talk amongst yourselves,
I'll just be a second.
Okay, here...
Just one second.
You guys baseball fans?
'Cause I... I love the game.
It's... it's big over there,
isn't it, where you guys...
So World War ll,
I mean, was that...
that was rough for you guys,
'cause it was tough for us.
I'll tell you...
Chopsticks, for us,
is a song, you know?
Isn't that crazy?
Like, music.
Yep, yep.
Just one second.
Technology's a little primitive
here in my workshop,
but you'll like what I come up with.
Now... there.
a professional model
will look a little more...
But the idea
here is that we dress up,
uh, all of the world's top selling
um, you know...
uh, to look like rats.
See, and... and then we...
we race them in the...
rat race of life,
where, naturally, the...
Yakimoto cell phone
wins every time.
Charlotte's gone
for a couple of days.
We need to talk.
We can talk out here.
What are you building in there?
How are your times?
I win!
I win!
I win, no, I win.
First place, first place.
It's a tie.
It's a tie!
They both win.
It's a tie.
Yeah, they both won.
There you go.
Let's do this one more...
one more time.
One more time, one more time.
One more time.
'Cause it's a tie.
But I really won.
Best idea yet.
Oh, well, thank you.
" Funky!"
" Get down!"
" You don't get around, baby!"
" Come on!"
" Just like that!"
" Get it!"
Nothing in here.
How about downstairs?
Okay, let's go.
Come on.
" I'm the man."
" I'm the man."
" I'm the man
with the master plan."
" Funky!"
" I'm the man, I'm the man."
" I'm the man
with the master plan."
" I'm the man, I'm the man."
" I'm the man
with the master plan."
" Come on!"
H-Hey, hi!
Hi, guys.
What... what...
what's... what's up?
Nothing much.
How about you?
Oh, no, you know,
not... not, much.
You know, just hangin' around.
Where's Brady and Kim?
Wh... oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
they, uh,
they went out to, uh,
Kim's parents
for a couple of days.
What's that smell?
Uh... what smell?
Smells like lead soup.
Lead... that's funny.
I don't smell anything.
All right, Philip,
you know what?
Cut to the chase.
We know what you're doing here.
I... I...
Where are you making
the cars, huh?
Upstairs, huh?
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Ow! Phil!
What, what, what, what?
Dislocated my knee!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
It's not funny!
I'm not laughing, I'm sorry...
Two tracks!
Laser timers!
I read about guys like you.
What's your best time
back here so far?
That's a good time.
A very good time.
But it ain't gonna beat Ace.
How do you know that?
Have you seen his car?
Yes and no.
What do you mean by that?
Where's your Pinewood Derby Bible?
My Bible?
Master "Slicer Dicer".
Okay, here you go.
Check this out.
Ace Montana?
We're competing against the guy
that wrote the Bible.
Now you know
why the guy never works!
He sold a million of these babies.
And check this out,
page 537.
So, so what?
So what?
Ace made this car
when he was eight.
It still holds the world record
of 3.11275.
They took a picture of this car
in California, before he moved here.
Why... why didn't you
show me this sooner?
Why didn't you
show me this sooner?
Why, why?
I've done all of this.
This... all of this.
All of this!
I've done all of this!
Yeah, I know.
For what?
For what?
I'll tell ya for what!
For nothing!
- No.
- No, for nothing!
Ace Montana is a fluke!
Okay, Phil!
He's a fluke!
And you can't beat a fluke!
All right, Phil.
He's a fluke.
It's okay, it's okay.
Will you help me out here?
Phil, wait, wait, will you listen?
No, wait!
He's a fluke!
Hold on a second!
No, no, no, no!
No, no, listen to me!
Let me go!
Listen to me!
Let me go!
We figured a way to beat Ace!
Let me go!
What'd you say?
I said, we figured out
a way to beat Ace.
Now, listen to me.
That car...
it's over at Ace's house,
upstairs in his trophy room.
I've seen it!
Yeah, okay, listen to me.
Hey, Phil.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Here's the plan.
Tomorrow morning,
when Ace, Teri, and A.J. go off
to bowl, or golf, or play tennis,
or whatever those shiny,
happy people do,
we go over to his house,
sneak in, get the car,
bring it back to your place,
do a little reverse engineering,
bring the car back,
and kick some Derby butt, huh?
What do you say?
Are you in?
Put your heart and soul into it.
You'll love it.
It's great.
There's nothing like it.
And just...
You can win this.
You can win it too.
Not the year we're in it,
but you can win it in your year.
Wake up!
Wake up!
I don't think I can go
through with this, guys.
You're right.
Let's just forget it.
We've got two hours.
We've got to move fast!
Going in.
Nice place!
Yeah, first place
in the home show.
Hello, you've reached 555-1111.
Go, go, go, go.
Just leave a message and we promise
to get right back to you.
Hi, this is the Pine Valley Mall.
Congratulations, Ace Montana,
on winning first place
in our grand prize drawing.
Make it stop!
Out of more than 50,000 entries
your name was drawn,
and you are the winner
of the brand new H2 Hummer.
When you get the message,
please call me
at the Pine Valley Mall office
at 565-5555.
Thank you,
and congratulations again.
There's your proof.
Ace and Teri are fake bakes.
You go in there and you get
stained like furniture.
Fine, fine, fine.
Let's go.
They're fake bakes.
I told you that.
"Big Dog", we have a visual.
Stacey Lynn Montana?
His name is Stacey Lynn?
"Big Dog", did you know
Ace's name is Stacey Lynn?
His name
is Stacey?
You've got to be kidding me.
That's a girl's name!
There is no way we're losing
this race to a Stacey!
It's so tight!
Let's go, please.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, this blows me away.
There's about over 100 million
Pinewood Derby cars made and raced.
And this one...
right here...
is the fastest of them all.
Part of American history.
It's like Charles Lindbergh,
Man O'War, Muhammad Ali,
Cael Sanderson, Babe Ruth...
How much does it weigh?
Exactly five ounces,
same as ours.
How long is it?
7 inches, just like it ours.
I love the brown.
Yeah, but I'm not seeing
anything special here, fellas.
Me either.
Let's see what she'll do.
Yeah, let's do it.
Call it the "Tiny Avenger."
Have you already written
the name on it?
Eh... no.
Eh, eh...
"Big Rig."
Careful, it's...
Oh... oh, that's, uh,
well, that...
that's not regulation.
I still have a little sanding to do.
Just put it up there.
Blaine, what do you got?
"Say, Awe."
Okay Jimmy, you got...
Easy, easy, easy.
Okay, okay.
Wait a second.
You get it back together?
Yeah, I put it back together
exactly the same way
we took it apart.
How did the alignment go?
Lead is balanced
in the front axel.
All right, all right.
That's a beauty.
Let's do it.
It is fast!
One in 100 hundred million.
I'll tell you what it is.
It's a fluke.
It's a fluke, just like Ace.
Let's take it apart again.
No, we... we don't have,
we don't have time.
You were right, it's... it's the...
it's the lead in the front axel.
That and the wheels.
They're smooth
as a baby's bottom.
We gotta get this back there.
Do I have time
to go to the bathroom?
No, let's go.
Oh, man, this wheel came off.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Well, y-y-you can wait.
I don't want to go,
I have to go.
See the difference.
Well, go, go, go, go, go.
Come on.
Come on, baby, come on.
Yeah... right in there.
Right... a little...
This is "Big Dog".
The enemy has returned!
Get out of there!
Now, now, now, now.
Good boy.
They're going in!
Come on, Champ.
Get out of there!
Now, now, now, now!
They're home.
Mom, the toilet's flooding!
It's flooding!
Come here, quick!
It's flooding!
The toilet's flooding!
The toilet's flooding!
There's water everywhere!
What's going on?
Ace, get up here right now!
Teri, what's going on up there?
The bathroom!
Oh! On my marble!
Turn off the water!
This is "Big Dog."
Where are you guys?
We're trapped in here.
Let's cool it with the "Big Dog" stuff.
I'm gonna try to get out a window.
Where's Phil?
I don't think
he made it out either.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding.
Why would I be kidding?
Go away! Go away!
Go, boy!
Go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go.
Get... get out of here.
Stop it, stop it!
Here, here, here!
Go get it, yeah.
No, no, no!
Go away, go away.
Champ, what are you doing?
Get out of the closet!
Get out of the closet.
Go on!
Where are you?
I'm on the roof.
On the roof!
Get off
the roof!
Okay, I think I found a spot
I can get down over here.
Ace, honey, is that you?
Will you get me
a towel, please?
There should be one right there
on the vanity.
Ace, are you trying
to be funny?
Ace, are you gonna get me a towel?
Did you hear that scream?
Yeah, yeah... What was that?
I don't know.
Do you think maybe
you could get me something
a little bit bigger
than a washcloth next time?
What are you talking about?
Go see A.J.
Go on.
What's the matter?
Nothing's the matter.
I thought you put Champ
in the garage.
I did.
Somebody's in the house!
Ace, Ace! No, no, no, no!
He might have a gun.
Call Big Jimmy.
Where is he?
He's in the backyard!
You stay right here.
Phil, where are you?
Did you see him?
I thought I told you
to stay inside.
What'd you find?
The tracks lead up to the fence,
and they... they disappear.
This guy was under my bed.
I pet his head,
he sniffed my hand.
How weird is that?
You pet his head?
I thought he was the dog.
" The way it moves"
" it's '40s style."
" Don't you know
that it's driving me wild."
" Whoa yeah."
" Won't settle for second place."
" I gotta win this race."
" All I see is the finish line."
" And nothin' can deter me."
" You best believe."
" Well, it's gonna get
down and derby!"
it's not like the truck
that you made.
It can't be, you know,
50 feet long.
If you read your Bible,
it only has to be straight As.
They gotta be a certain
distance apart.
You ever see
the Tour de France?
" Oh yeah."
" I'm finally gonna get a taste."
" Of first place."
" All I see is the finish line."
" And nothing can deter me."
" You best believe."
" Well, it's gonna get
down and derby."
" Down and derby... "
Right, but the thin wheels
are the racing wheels in a bike race.
The thin wheels are the racing
wheels in a bike...
What are you talking about?
Yeah, the thinner the wheel,
the faster the wheel.
He's got a point.
That's how Ricky Ricardo started.
Then you spray it, nice...
" All I see is the finish line."
" And nothing can deter me."
" You best believe."
All right.
" Well, it's gonna get
down and derby. "
Let's do it.
Ready, set, go!
What, what, what did you get,
Big Jimmy?
What'd you get?
This is huge.
This is huge.
Congratulations, guys.
We just built the fastest car
in the history
of the Pinewood Derby.
All right!
We did it!
We did it!
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold it.
Maybe we should race it again,
just to be sure?
No, no, no!
Don't touch it, okay?
The less we handle it,
the better.
She's ready to roll.
He's right.
Don't breathe.
Lead tape?
Sand paper?
And finally...
The car.
Careful, careful.
Easy, easy, easy, easy does it.
There you go.
All right.
We've been talking...
Only one of us can race the car.
We want it to be you and Brady.
Wh-what about you guys?
If anybody is going to have
the pleasure of beating Ace,
it should be you.
I love you guys.
This is nice.
Let's go.
Oh... um... go.
Seating is limited...
Thank you.
" It's getting down and derby."
" Well, it's getting on
down and derby."
" Sweet thing, thing, thing,
thing, thing, thing."
The rules state
that you cannot touch your car
once it has been registered.
You coming?
Yeah, I'll be there
in a minute.
Thanks for coming.
I guess you...
you got my message?
What happened to your leg?
I'll tell you about
that later, but guess what?
We got the Yakimoto campaign.
How did you do that?
You know one of those flashes
I told you about?
So, um...
where's... where's Brady?
There he is.
He has been working...
for two days on a car.
What car?
Dad's neighbor
gave him some pointers.
Oh, Kim, Kim...
He's really excited, Phil.
Okay, okay.
But Kim, just... just wait.
Just one second.
Take a look at this.
It's beautiful, right?
She does the track in 3.10.
She's gonna... she's gonna be
number one today.
I'm hoping you're gonna be
number one today, Phil.
What's that supposed to mean?
Think about it.
Maybe you'll get
one of those flashes.
No, no, no...
Kim, Kim, Kim!
No, don't...
Kim, don't, don't, don't,
don't make me do this.
I, I put, like, 100 hours into this car.
How did it go?
I think it was
one of your best slogans.
It was from
the United Care campaign.
Let's see... oh!
"Sacrifice is when you give up
something good
for something better."
I love you, Phil.
And I am very excited
about the Derbymoto campaign.
Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim,
Kim, Kim, Kim?
I put 150 hours into this car!
Hey, just let me race it, huh?
Hey, please!
Ow... oh... ow...
Come on, let's go!
What are you waiting for?
Did, did, did you guys,
did you see that?
He hired some kid to pose as his son
so he could get into the Derby.
Yeah, I guess
all he's got is girls.
Says his dad never let him
make his own car.
What some people won't do.
Hey guys!
How's it going?
Hey, y'all seen A.J. and Teri?
Yeah, they're right over there.
Okay, thanks.
You take it easy
on us today, okay?
All right, you take it easy
on us too, huh?
Stacey, Stacey, Stacey.
This is the last call for race entry.
Guys, I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna race the car today.
Which one of you guys wants it?
What are you talking about?
Brady made a car.
Come on.
Hold on.
Wait a second.
What about you?
Does he have any idea
how much time and effort
you put into this thing?
Where's Brady?
No, no, Big, Big Jimmy!
It's not about that.
This is what I gotta do.
This is what I want to do.
Over my dead body
is Ace gonna win this thing today.
Give me that car!
You have three minutes
to register your car.
This is the last call.
Excuse me.
Hey, buddy.
I've been looking
all over for you.
You know, you better
get down there
and get your car registered.
you're gonna be late.
Well... what about your car?
Oh, forget about...
my car.
Your car is what
the Pinewood Derby's all about.
Now, go on... get your car
and get down there.
Aw... thanks, Dad!
All right.
Okay, buddy.
We have to get started.
This is absolutely the last call.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the annual
Pinewood Derby,
the greatest race in the world.
And for this greatest race in the world,
we have an extremely special guest.
Back in 1953, this man founded
and created the Pinewood Derby.
Please welcome...
Mr. Don Murphy!
Thank you.
Are we ready?
Then let the races begin.
We have a winner in lane 5.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
We have a winner in Lane 2.
Mom, Dad, my car's gonna race!
On the bus.
Dad, my car's racing!
Oh, which one is it?
Oh, it's the one
next to the yellow one.
It looks like it's gonna be
an early night.
So, what do you say we take
Brady to dinner and a movie?
All right.
Hey, it looks good!
Yeah, what...
what do you call it?
Well, Grandpa's neighbor...
he said we should call it
"The Fluke."
"The Fluke?"
Wait, who's grandpa's neighbor?
We are set!
Oh... shh...
We're gonna race!
They're off!
It looks like we have a car
that's qualified
for "safest driver" award.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, I am really proud of you!
You know, it looked to me like
it was, uh, gaining.
No, Dad I won!
"The Fluke" won!
What are you talking about?
Brady, you came in last place.
No, you see the black car?
That's "the Fluke!"
I won, Dad!
I won!
Maybe a late show?
You are on your way!
Ladies and gentlemen.
Here are the names of the boys
whose cars have qualified
for the championship final.
Cade Matthews.
A.J. Montana.
Danny Scaldoni.
Brady Davis.
Cole Johnson.
And Johnny Fould.
Come on!
Give these guys a big hand!
May I make mention
that one of the finalists,
A.J. Montana's dad, Ace Montana,
is the world record holder in this event.
That was easy.
Ladies and gentlemen.
We are set.
All right!
Let's race!
The cars are in position.
We're ready to go.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The winner and champion
is in Lane 3!
Ladies and gentlemen!
History has been made today!
Brady Davis not only won
the Pinewood Derby,
he has set a new world record!
Thank you for your participation.
We'll see you back here next year.
You're the one, pal!
You did it.
Hey, nice job, guys.
Looks like you
were just too good for us.
Next year maybe you guys
can give us a few pointers, okay?
I don't think I would've
handled it like that.
He's a... he's a better man
than I thought he was.
That was rigged!
That's it!
We're moving!
I'm telling you, they cheated!
I am not second place
in anything I do!
Ace, I am not going
to put up with this!
I am warning you!
Stacey Lynn Montana,
you are acting like a child!
Get in the car!
I am not...
No, no, no, no!
Get in the car!
I've got over 100 hours in that car!
Hey, congratulations man.
Ah... thanks, Dad!
No, I'm really proud of you!
But, tell me something,
one question?
Did you really build that car
all by yourself?
Oh, yeah.
Well... Grandpa's neighbor
gave me some pointers,
but I did it
all on my own, honest.
I know.
That's amazing!
Who's, uh, who's, uh,
who's Grandpa's neighbor?
Oh, you see the man over there
wearing a plaid shirt?
That's him.
" You best believe."
" Well, its gonna get
down and derby. "