Dr. Gift (2025) Movie Script
(projector whirs and clicks)
(bright orchestral music)
(static crackles)
(wind humming)
(ominous music)
In there!
It's awful!
We didn't know what to do. It's horrible.
We barely made it out alive.
It's the nightmare come to life.
It's the nightmare come to life!
Come on, David. Let's go.
Shouldn't we wait?
Yeah, I don't know about this, Phil.
To hell with that.
Let's go.
(ominous music continues)
[Officer] Is he sleeping?
You sleep with your eyes open?
(ominous music continues)
(door clicks open)
(door creaks)
(ominous music continues)
(Phil coughs)
(eerie music)
(bones cracking)
(eerie music intensifies)
(victims groaning)
(victims groaning)
Jesus.
What did he do to you?
You poor bastard.
(officer yelping)
He's here!
He's alive! Get him off of me!
The patients... (pants)
(chain clinking)
Let's go.
Devour the sin. Feed the cure.
Devour the sin. Feed the cure.
Devour the sin. Feed
the cure! (Ominous music)
Devour the sin. Feed the cure!
Devour the sin. Feed the cure!
(ominous music continues)
(suspenseful music)
[Dr. Gift] Beautiful, isn't she?
[Phil] Freeze!
(metal clinking)
(suspenseful music continues)
I said don't move, God damn it!
The great rebirth is upon us.
Millions have suffered
from this plague of sin.
I thought that my blood was enough,
but the ultimate cleanse is death.
(suspenseful music continues)
(patient gasps)
(intense eerie music)
(flesh crunches)
(Phil grunts)
(fist thuds)
(body thumps)
(Phil grunts)
(Phil grunts) (Dr. Gift groans)
(gas hissing)
(blood splatters)
(blood splatters)
Soon, my friend.
Soon, you will see.
(gas hissing)
(gun cocks)
No!
(flames roaring) (flesh crunching)
(glass shattering)
(flames roaring and crackling) (dark music)
(dark music continues)
(flames roaring)
(explosion roars)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(entity growls)
(ominous music continues)
(warm synth music)
Do people really read this shit?
I'll have you know about
25,000 people read that book.
According to my publisher.
Really?
Hm.
Lot of dummies out there, I guess.
Well, we can't all have the elegant taste
of a fine redneck such as yourself.
I'll drink to that.
Same old Clay.
(Clay belches)
(both chuckling)
Beautiful, ain't it?
Picture this.
Window flies open and there you are,
fluffy bunny slippers and
your silky underwears.
Or whatever you wear.
You gaze it to sun rising
over the peaceful horizon.
I don't wake up that early.
And this is where we'd
be checking in guests
at the prestigious
Lockhouse Bed and Breakfast.
And this is where yours truly
would be serving waffles at 8AM sharp.
Waffles? What about French toast?
French toast. French fries.
Hell, I'll serve you up the
God damn Eiffel Tower,
if that's what you want.
(sighs) Just like old times?
(Clay gulps)
[Clay] Uh-huh.
(sighs) Well...
Since they're practically
giving this place away,
it'd be silly to pass up.
Yeah.
Oh, hell, let's do it.
All right, all right, all right, all right!
(brooding synth music)
[TV Boy] They keep falling
down. I'm just no good at this.
Sometimes even grown-ups feel that way.
Really?
Oh, sure.
The one thing I've learned
is if something's hard,
it's okay to ask for help.
[TV Boy] Can you help me?
[TV Father] I'd love
to. Let's build it together.
(brooding synth music continues)
[Kathryn] Don't sit too
close to the TV, Aiden.
Eat up, because when your dad gets here,
we're gonna go to the park.
(door thuds)
- Dad!
- Hey, hey!
There he is! How you doing, buddy?
- Good to see ya.
- Frank.
You don't have to bring them
home something every pay day.
Oh, nonsense.
Of course I do.
Where's my little slugger?
Anyway, hey, this one's for you.
(present rattling)
Dad!
(paper rustling)
Whoa.
(paper rustling)
(lock clicks)
For all the stories you've been writing.
It's magic.
(machine bleeps rhythmically)
(Aiden gasps)
(Aiden sighs)
(Aiden pants)
Dad?
(intense eerie tones)
(body thumps) (Aiden pants)
Oh, shit.
(Aiden pants)
(Aiden grunts) (warm synth music)
(distant drill buzzing)
(distant hammer thudding)
Hey, Jerry. What you doing?
Oh!
Hey, Aiden!
This is my buddy Jimbo!
Uh, hey. Hey.
This, this is my, my buddy-
Jimbo, yep. Got it.
Hi, Jimbo.
What's up, man? How you doin'?
So, you're the famous writer, huh?
You guys getting an
early start this morning, huh?
Uh...
Yeah. Could you close your robe?
(Jimbo chuckles)
I can see all the way up it from here.
All right. Um...
Hey, Jimbo. Where can I
get a soy latte around here?
They got nickel coffee
at the general store.
Mm.
Yummy.
Hey, uh, have you guys seen my brother?
(Clay talking in distance)
Good talk, guys.
(brooding synth music)
(car door clicks open)
(brooding synth music continues)
(bell dings)
Just messin' around.
Hey, looky. It works.
(door clicks open)
Really, Andreas?
You are embarrassing me!
- Talk to you for a second?
- Yeah.
(Andreas pants)
[Aiden] Bro, what're you doing?
I'm checking her in.
But we don't open up till tomorrow night.
So, check her out.
Oh, I have been checking her out.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
I don't mind that I'm early.
Trust me. We won't bother you.
And you can finish working.
Plus, I will pay double!
Well, uh, if you don't mind.
Well, here you are.
You guys got a nice view of...
Well, some lovely trees.
[Nadia] That's wonderful. (Chuckles)
This is a great town, if
you guys want a tour later.
That sounds great.
We've got this amazing burger joint.
(door thuds)
(Andreas exhales deeply)
Congratulations.
What?
Excuse me?
Newly weds, right?
Congratulations.
She's a heck of a girl.
Yes.
Lucky me.
(paper tears)
Well, that was interesting.
Yeah. They seem nice.
Right.
Nadia Kuzmina.
Wonder what her story is.
[Clay] Hey, I left a
present in your room.
- Yeah?
- Under the bed.
(brooding synth music)
Magic.
Well, boys, we did good.
(bottle pops)
To success.
To the future.
(bottles clinking)
(brooding synth music continues)
Hey.
You're using it. Awesome.
Yeah. Kinda on a roll here.
It's crazy.
Great to hear, little brother.
Well...
(yawns) Guess I'll leave you to it.
Big day tomorrow.
Don't stay up too late.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Sounds great.
(phone rings)
(phone rings)
(electronic dance music)
(patrons chattering)
(phone rings)
(phone rings)
(phone rings)
Aiden LeBrock.
You slippery little cunt.
Jordan Cutler, you yuppie shit bag.
How'd you find me?
Oh, I have my ways.
(Jordan sniffs)
Oh.
(Jordan sniffs)
(Jordan sighs)
So, uh, where's my book, farm boy?
Don't tell me that, uh,
getting back to your roots,
and chasing cowgirls is more
important than your career.
Uh, I'm, I'm working on it.
I got a few pages.
I'm sorry.
Think I must've drank too much.
'Cause it kinda sounds
like you said "a few pages."
Yeah, sorry, man, I've just
been getting back to my roots
and chasing cowgirls.
[Jordan] You little asshole.
Don't worry, man. I'm
onto something good here.
I want something that'll
take people by surprise,
and just come out of nowhere.
(patient wheezing)
I'm telling you, man.
I've never felt this way
about a novel before.
Groundbreaking, huh?
It's the only way, man.
Give me one month and
I'll have something to you.
(patient wheezing)
Fine.
But in the meantime, I want
you to come back to the city.
Got some very important
people for you to meet.
[Aiden] Yeah, about that.
(light bulb crackles)
Hey. Let me call you back.
Hello?
Hello?
(phone slams)
[Woman] Hey, Jordan.
(eerie music)
[Aiden] (clears throat) You lost?
Excuse me. Were you spying on me?
Uh, what're you doing?
Uh...
I, I am, I was just, uh...
I was looking for a restroom!
(Nadia chuckles)
Right.
So, what are you doing?
You mean besides spying on you?
I'm actually writing a book.
Really?
Yep. Just the next
New York Time bestseller.
No big deal.
This is so fascinating.
Actually, I would love to
show you what I already have,
if you'd like to take a look at it.
(Nadia sighs)
Look at the time.
I have to go to sleep. (Yawns)
Okay.
Goodnight.
(ominous music)
(door clicks open and creaks)
(intense eerie music)
(knocks on door)
(door clicks open)
You need to see this.
(eerie music continues)
(wind whistles) (dark music)
Man.
Clay?
What am I looking at?
I don't know.
Did you know this was here?
No.
My God!
What happened here?
Wonder what's in there.
[Clay] I guess the rumors are true.
Rumors?
Well, supposedly, this place was closed.
Doctor lost his mind and
killed a bunch of patients.
What?
And nurses.
(Aiden groans)
And all the doctors, too.
God damn it, Clay.
Figured it was like an
urban legend or somethin'.
What do you think he was
doing down here? Prostate exams?
Nobody needs to know about this.
It doesn't change anything.
Shit.
Wait a minute.
I know you're awake, Nadia.
You knew about that room
down there, didn't you?
(Nadia speaks foreign language)
- What?
- What do you want?
We are very tired!
[Andreas] Psst! Psst!
Sorry, ma'am. Just a misunderstanding.
You need to chill, man.
Tomorrow's opening day
and you're gonna blow it.
Fine. I just don't trust her.
Why don't we just take them out,
then go down and get the safe?
I told you, no violence this time.
Okay, but if that doesn't
work, what's Plan B?
Violence.
(door slams)
(Nadia sighs)
Those douche bags again.
(eerie music)
(Andreas snores)
(Andreas snores)
[Entity] Nadia.
(suspenseful music)
Hello?
(door clicks open)
Hey!
(suspenseful music continues)
(door slams)
(intense eerie music)
(entity speaks indistinctly)
(brooding synth music)
(door thuds)
Welcome to the
Lockhouse Bed and Breakfast.
You here for a room?
I am Neena Menasha,
and this is my sister Gabriella.
We are mediums.
I'm more about a
large, extra large, myself.
We are psychic mediums,
and we will be performing
a seance here this evening.
Psychics?
We're gonna need one
of your biggest rooms.
Well, of course.
"Can't have an old fashioned
seance without a big room."
I knew you were going to say that.
Okay. If you're psychics, tell
me something about myself.
(eerie tones)
You are an asshole.
Dang it. She's good.
Seriously?
Can I have your names?
- Lydia.
- Sheela.
Mia.
Leah.
I'm just gonna write the number six.
You can reach us
anytime at the front desk
by hitting the number-
Three.
Holy crap! Are you psychic, too?
It's right there!
Thank you. I doubt we
will need your assistance.
Of course. My brother
will show you to your room.
That won't be necessary.
We can find our own way.
[Aiden] That right?
Well, off you go then.
Pardon me, dear brother,
but do you mind getting
the hell out of my damn way?
Some of us take our jobs seriously.
Well, some of us take
our appearances seriously.
Jesus!
You know what people hate in a kitchen?
Gee, I don't know. Bad food?
They hate
hats that aren't fluffy.
(Shawn sighs)
So why don't you keep
the hat fluffed, okay?
(Shawn sighs)
(hand slaps)
(engine revs)
My name's Bradley.
But my friends (stutters) call me Radley.
You know why?
(car whooshes)
Please don't kill us.
(engine roars)
It's because I'm so fucking rad!
(tires screeching)
So, you dudes... (stutters)
Dicks?
Dudes are like ghost killers, right?
Paranormal investigators.
Oh, wow!
That stuff is... (stutters)
So cool. Yeah, we know!
Super cool?
Stupid ass shit!
Man, why don't you just
sh, sh, shut the fuck up,
and pay attention to what you're doing?
Maybe we should get out
and walk the rest of the way.
(engine roars)
(tires screeching)
Is it true that this place
used to be an insane asylum?
The very asylum where the infamous Dr. Gift
killed dozens of people, before finally,
you know, killing himself?
(patient screams)
[Clay] Well, I mean, that
was a long time ago, so-
- (chuckles) Nice.
- That's right.
Fantastic. We definitely want a room.
I'm Eugene. This is
Willard, Roger and Arnold.
[Clay] So, you just want the one?
Yeah. Just the one.
We're not gonna get much sleep anyway.
No sleep. Nah.
[Aiden] What do you plan on doing then?
We're hunting ghosts!
You know, paranormal shit. We love it.
[Aiden] You seriously
believe in that nonsense?
Of course we do. How can you not?
[Aiden] Those things don't exist.
It's all pure fiction.
Pure fiction, my ass!
The paranormal's real.
I mean, we've seen shit that
would blow your mind, man.
I mean, we've investigated ghosts and,
and demons and monsters.
Shit.
[Aiden] Come on. No way.
- Yes way.
- Uh-huh.
We'll make a believer outta ya.
[Aiden] Clay, why don't you
show Scooby and the gang
up to their room?
You can reach us at this desk
at any time, but please don't.
Trust me. We won't.
(chuckles) Yeah.
Dick.
[Willard] Asshole.
(chair creaks)
(warm synth music)
Well, hey there, stud.
(book thuds)
Hello, ladies.
(book clatters)
Can I help you?
(suitcase thuds)
Oh, I'm sure there's a lot
you could do for us. (Chuckles)
Settle down, girls. You're
clearly rattling his cage.
I think I could fix that, though.
So, you're looking for a room or-
Yes, hon. We need a room. (Chuckles)
Do you have a big one?
(group chuckles)
Can I get your names?
We're Stiletto Honeymoon.
You haven't heard of us?
Oh, that's a shame.
I'm sure you will remember
our names, though,
before we leave.
Trust me.
I'm Veronica.
I'm Kylie.
Do you have a gym here?
You can call me whatever you want.
(chuckles) That's Jill.
I'm Kat.
Hi.
When my brother gets back,
he'll show you to your rooms.
Oh, you're not gonna take us yourself?
(door clicks open)
Oh, there he is.
Clay, can you show these
ladies to their room, please?
Sure.
Follow me.
See you later.
(bell dings)
Oh, what the hell?
Look at that.
What do they think we're some
kind of sideshow or something?
Hey. That's Dan the Newsman.
He's kind of a big deal around here.
(Dan sneezes)
[Aiden] Oh, yeah?
Give me a smile, Dan!
Oh, Jesus.
Jimmy, how am I lookin'?
Shiny as hell.
What'd you do, wax your whole face?
[Jules] I'll add more powder.
Powder?
Baby, you're gonna need
spray paint or somethin'.
You trying to do, break my camera?
Hey. He could be great for marketing.
Oh, yeah?
[Clay] Let's see what he's got to say.
[Aiden] Whatever, man.
I don't care what you do,
but I am not talking to that scumbag.
Come on!
There is no way.
Dan the Newsman here,
and I'm here with acclaimed
writer Aiden LeBrock.
So, tell us, Aiden, how is
our town treating you so far?
Good.
Well, all right then.
So, tell us, why did you decide
to build a bed and breakfast
at the old asylum?
And why are you retiring as a writer?
Wait, what?
Come on down to the
Lockhouse Bed and Breakfast!
Home of the best damn waffles you ever had.
French toast.
French toast.
Okay, but...
Hey!
Come in! Come in!
Hello!
Look, be patient.
We'll hear from them soon!
First of all, I am the most
patient person you know!
Secondly, this is the biggest
job we have ever done.
We cannot take this lightly.
This shit is gonna be huge for me!
Go check the door.
Make sure it's secured before
we discuss anything else.
Sure thing.
Not tomorrow! Today!
Speed it up!
You, of course, will be on lookout,
to make sure we don't
have unwanted attention.
Luckily, the two guys
running this place are idiots.
I doubt they will notice.
Now, go put your camo on.
Babe, I thought you were
joking when you said that.
(water trickling) (eerie
indistinct whispering)
(fabric whooshes)
(eerie indistinct whispering)
(fabric whooshes)
(fabric whooshing)
Man, that really hits the spot.
(knocks on door) (suspenseful music)
(sighs) Come in!
(door clicks open)
(moody synth music)
(toolbox thumps)
Can I help you fellas? (Fly buzzes)
(hand slams)
No, sir.
(lighter flicks)
(cigarette sizzles)
We can help you.
We're here to fix your leak, amigo.
Leak?
Uh, there's no smoking here, man.
Oh.
My apologies.
(cigarette plops)
Yes, sir, we got a call
from the fella by the name of Jimbob.
You mean Jimbo?
Jim...
Jimbo. Yeah, that's what I said.
What he said.
Said there's a leak in the basement.
(paper rustles)
Would he call them without telling you?
[Clay] I don't know.
Haven't seen him all day.
I don't know, man. These
guys might be full of shit.
No, sir!
But your house will soon be.
That's right, chief.
Pretty soon, those tenants of yours
will be up the butt holes in sewage.
- Sewage?
- Sewage.
That's right.
Piss, shit. All that kinds of things.
It'd be a damn shame.
If the city considers this place a hazard,
they'll shut you boys down.
Yeah, that'd be a real
tear jerker, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
So, we can do this the easy way...
Or the real easy way.
(moody synth music)
Test. Testicles.
Titanic titties.
Well, it looks like, uh,
the specter mic is working.
I can't find the Geiger counter.
[Willard] Go find it.
I'm telling you guys, this has gotta be
the most haunted place
we have ever been in.
[Eugene] Cameras are up
and runnin' and we're ready to go.
This is the place, guys.
This is the place where
we're finally gonna prove
all those skeptic assholes wrong!
We're gonna prove that we
were right, they were wrong,
and they can kiss my fat ass.
[Group] Yeah! (Chuckles)
(dark electronic music)
Um...
What you doing?
I am cleansing this
house with sacred herbs.
You?
Uh... (chuckles)
Same? (Chuckles)
(dark music)
It is time to knock on their gates,
and tug at their chains.
(Gabriella speaks foreign language)
All right, this time,
let me do the talking.
(Gabriella speaks foreign language)
- Uh...
- You know what?
Maybe we should just introduce
ourselves in the morning.
(Gabriella speaks foreign language)
(knocks on door)
[Dale] Hello!
I thought I'd introduce myself!
I'm the Lockhouse chef.
[Shawn] Why didn't you say
"we are the Lockhouse chefs"?
Why is it always about you?
[Dale] Come on!
Open it.
See what the hell they want.
But I...
(Andreas sighs)
(door clicks open)
Yes. May I help you?
Oh. (Chuckles)
My nightly face routine.
You have to moisturize.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Oh, hi, ma'am!
What's wrong with your hat?
(Nadia chuckles)
(Dale laughs)
(door slams)
What are you doing?
Take that off. You look ridiculous!
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
What? What is it?
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
Yep. Yep, yep.
Guys, what's the issue?
Mm, mm, mm. Mm, mm, mm.
Mm-hm.
Mm. Mm-mm.
Well, sir, I got good
news and I got bad news.
Bad news, amigo. They are fucked.
Good news is you have the
two best God damn plumbers
there ever was, on the job.
Mm-hm.
(plunger squelches)
(brooding synth music)
Howdy!
These are my associates,
Wild Bill and Dallas Dave.
We call him that on
account of he's from Dallas.
This here's my partner, Mean Maggie.
Let me guess. On
account of how mean she is?
Well, I'm actually quite
pleasant, thank you very much.
Uh, sorry, guys.
It looks like we're all, uh,
booked up for the evening.
That's not what the sign says, poncho.
Y'all wouldn't be lying
to us now, would ya?
(chuckles) Of course not.
'Cause you know what we hate?
Um...
Lies?
Nah.
Assholes like you.
Okay, look.
There is a fine seedy
motel right down the street
that would love high class
individuals such as yourself.
I even hear they have vending
machines that are outstanding.
Actually, we have
one more room available.
We do?
[Clay] Yes. It's the best one, actually.
Perfect. We'll take it!
(bullet ricochets)
(aggressive heavy metal music)
[Willard] Hey, don't break that shit.
- I'm just so fuckin' excited.
- Yeah!
(heavy metal music continues)
Dr. Gift, we're coming after you, boy.
Yeah, we are, bitch!
Yeah, son!
I don't even know what's in there.
Don't break this shit.
That shit's expensive.
You didn't fucking pay for it.
I did. Can you stop?
It's fine, man. Calm down.
[Roger] I had to take third
mortgage out for this shit.
[Arnold] Jesus.
- You live with your mom.
- Mom!
Dr. Gift is gonna fuck you in the ass!
[Roger] I'm gonna fuck him in the ass.
I'm gonna fuck somethin'.
Right... (device whining)
Right here.
This room right here?
Yeah, well, we're gonna have to make sure
that we get in there tonight.
(device whining)
Dude.
Dude.
Dude, there's some chicks in there.
They look like they're almost naked.
We definitely gotta get in there tonight.
(wrench clicking)
How's it going?
What's up?
Nice truck you got here.
(wrench clicking)
Um...
Think maybe we could
borrow a couple of those beers from you?
(wrench clangs)
Yeah.
Sure.
(bottle pops) (cap clatters)
(bottle pops) Since you asked so nicely.
Thanks.
Thanks, yeah.
Bottoms up.
No problem. I open
drinks for all my bitches.
(Willard and Arnold chuckling)
[Caller] Come in, Red
baron. Red Baron, do you copy?
What the hell took so long?
Copy that, Red Baron.
This is Red Ninja 1.
Red Ninja 2 and I are in the promised land.
Our eyes are on the prize.
What the hell you are saying?
Just tell me, do you have safe or not?
Copy that.
We are with the safe.
Should have the sucker cracked in no time.
Good. How long will it take?
[Red Ninja 1] Uh, 10 minutes tops.
Red Ninja 2 has already started.
Why do you get to be the Red Ninja 1?
Just tell me when it's
done and we will be there.
(radio bleeps)
(sighs) Copy that.
(radio thuds)
(safe dial scraping)
You're supposed to turn clockwise.
[Red Ninja 1] That
is clockwise. Or is that-
Which way is this way?
[Red Ninja 1] That's,
that's counter clockwise.
- So, I'm okay okay.
- Okay, okay.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
[Red Ninja 1] What about
top? I'm gonna try top-wise.
No, no, no, no.
Go, go, go right there. You,
you're doing good, yeah.
[Red Ninja 1] Okay,
spin-wise, or you want me to do...
- Which way?
- Which way is this way?
[Red Ninja 1] That's spin
wise. I'm trying to go top.
- Go top.
- Okay, top-wise.
(door clicks open)
Oh, (chuckles) hello.
May I interest you ladies
in some of my highly delicious fish tacos?
Gross.
(door slams)
(upbeat rock music)
[Rouge] Hey, all you thirsty
thugs and lovesick drugs,
this is Rouge on the Rouge Road Show,
and I have a special
treat for you this evening.
This one is from a laser hot
band called Stiletto Honeymoon.
So, strap in and get
ready to rock the fuck out!
(upbeat heavy metal music)
I see you and you can't see me
Look in my eyes, there's no lies
I feel you and you can't feel me
(chuckles) Kylie, you
work way too hard, man.
Seriously, dude.
Look at her go. I'm working
up a sweat just watching her.
- Woo-hoo!
- Woo!
Yeah!
Okay, I'm gonna go hit the shower.
Save some of that for me, please.
- (chuckles) Right.
- (Chuckles) Right.
Those assholes think they
can keep a story from me?
Well, they don't know Dan, do they?
Yeah, but we do.
What's the plan, Dan?
His crazy ass is gonna
get us shot! That's the plan.
Shh! Quiet!
Just saw a bunch of wackadoos checking in.
I'm tellin' you, something's gonna happen.
Picture the headline.
"Famous writer reopens nuthouse".
Here's a headline for you.
"Dickhead reporter killed
by angry camera guy".
Quit it, you guys. (Sighs)
I better get a raise after this.
Dust of ancients. (Dark synth music)
Shadows black as pitch.
From the cracks of forever.
Send us your darkest witch.
(wind whooshing)
(eerie indistinct whispering)
(dark synth music continues)
Boom!
Drink up, bitches.
Son of a...
Come on!
(light bulb crackles) (dark
synth music continues)
Bitchin'.
(indistinct radio chatter)
(radio static crackles)
[Patient] Feed the cure. Devour the sin.
Feed the cure.
(water splashes) (dark
synth music continues)
Oh, fudge.
(light bulb crackles) (dark
synth music continues)
'Cause you can always bet on Chet.
I don't really care for like
long walks on the beach.
Everybody says I funny guy.
My humor is like top number one.
[Announcer] He's cleaning up the streets,
one bullet at a time.
I'll do it, I swear! I'll
blow her fucking head off!
Don't make me bust you up again.
(gun firing)
You are us and we are you.
For those of you not aware,
the asylum was turned into a clinic in 1918
to help house the influx of patients
due to the Spanish Flu pandemic.
Aiden LeBrock
wants to turn this asylum right behind me
into a bed and breakfast.
I'm here at the old Lockhouse Asylum
that has been shut down
for a number of years.
[Reporter] In other news,
everyone is just super excited
about the grand opening of the Lockhouse...
(TV static crackles) (moaning from TV)
(hand patting)
(drawer scrapes open)
[Clay] Where are those damn keys at?
(eerie music)
(drawer scrapes open)
(drawer thuds)
(jacket zips)
(lock clicks)
(battery clacks)
(cassette clicks)
Fuck yeah.
(static crackles)
This is Willard Stanowski,
paranormal investigator.
I'm here at the Dr. Gift House.
This location was
formerly a mental institution
where the infamous doctor performed cruel
and sadistic experiments on his patients.
Allegedly, 25 of these
people were brutally murdered.
The doctor himself said to
a perished on these grounds.
The legend is that he
still roams the property,
and tonight, I'm gonna capture him on tape.
I'm performing a solo experiment
because my colleagues
are nerds!
And couldn't stay awake past 9PM.
(static crackles)
(suspenseful music)
(door clicks open)
(suspenseful music continues)
(entity speaks backwards)
(Willard sighs)
I just heard a female's voice
say my name. (Chuckles)
Oh, there's something here.
All right.
I'm gonna go check it out.
(suspenseful music)
(Willard chuckles)
What kinda stupid shit is this?
(light bulbs crackling)
(ominous music)
(Willard breathes heavily)
What happened?
(Willard breathes heavily)
(ominous music continues)
(Willard breathes shakily)
(Willard moans)
(Willard moans)
(Willard groans)
(intense eerie music) (Willard screams)
[Ordak] Why have you called upon Ordak?
Sister, we call upon
you in search of a lost soul.
[Ordak] All souls here are lost.
Whom do you seek?
Our mothers.
They died in this asylum.
Please tell us.
Are their souls here?
[Ordak] Yes.
They infect the walls of
this house like a plague.
Can we talk to them?
Please, sisters. Please.
Let us speak to them.
(water splashes)
(Kat blows sharply)
(eerie music)
(safe thuds) (Red Ninja 1 grunts)
(gas hisses) (Red Ninja 1 coughs)
(Red Ninjas coughing) (gas hissing)
[Red Ninja 1] Come in!
(Red Ninjas coughing) (gas hissing)
(Red Ninjas coughing)
(water splashing) (ominous music)
(light bulb crackles)
[Ordak] There is something here.
(necks cracking)
(dark music)
It's what we feared.
He's free.
From now until sunrise,
there must not be any
blood dropped in this house.
Go tell everyone in
the house, not one drop,
or we're all doomed.
Let's go. Hurry.
(dark music continues)
(door clicks open and creaks)
(suspenseful music)
Hurry.
Oh!
You must not allow
any blood to be spilled
in this house before sunrise.
Nuh-uh. I'm telling Clay.
What in the fresh hell was that?
(Kat grunting) (bones cracking)
(Kat grunting) (flesh squelching)
(knocks on door)
Everyone!
(knocks on door)
- Everyone, listen.
- What the hell are you doing?
What's going on?
I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but we must not allow one drop of blood
to spill in this house.
(Kat grunting) (flesh squelching)
(guitar thudding) (flesh squelching)
(Kylie screams)
(Kylie screams)
(Jill screams)
(flesh squelches)
[Roger] Nothing sounds
crazy to me. Come on.
(Kat pants) (light bulbs crackling)
What happened?
(stone rumbling) (intense music)
(Dr. Gift roars)
(Kim screams)
[Roger] Hey!
Hold on!
[Dale] Let go!
Get off her, you creepy son of a bitch!
(Kat screams)
(light bulbs crackling)
(Roger chuckles)
(hurried footsteps thumping)
(Kylie screams)
(Kylie screams)
(Kylie pants)
(Kylie gasps)
(ominous music)
Call 911.
[Leah] Quick! Hurry, get in here!
Get in here! Hurry!
Hello?
Hello?
(phone thuds)
- Is it dead?
- Yeah.
Just like us.
Oh, good. You got a gun?
I've got wood.
(sighs) Shit.
(ominous music continues)
(bed rattling) (ominous music continues)
(intense dark music)
(blade hacks)
(intense dark music continues)
(blood splatters)
(Dallas groans)
(light bulbs crackling)
(footsteps thumping)
(Maggie groans and chokes)
(glove creaks)
(blade hacks)
(Dr. Gift grunts) (guts splattering)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily) (ominous music)
I'm still standin', asshole.
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(ominous music continues)
Fuck you!
(heads thudding)
(bones cracking)
Oh, shit!
I don't know what to do!
[Gabriella] It won't work!
This place is under his control now!
(door handle rattles)
We're surrounded by lunatics.
(eerie music)
(Kylie gasps)
(Kylie breathes shakily)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music)
(Neena gasps)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music continues)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music continues)
(blade scrapes)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(footsteps thumping)
What the...
Are you guys serious?
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music continues)
I think it's like totally working.
Clay?
I know.
- Clay?
- I know.
- Clay!
- I know!
Shit.
(gun fires)
(guns firing rapidly)
(guns firing rapidly) (guests whimpering)
(guns firing rapidly)
(chefs whimpering)
(ethereal synth music)
Who are you?
We are the ones who
are going to save the day!
Oh.
We're also the ones who
are here to rob the place.
Oh. (Music winds down)
But still saving you also.
(group chuckling)
(eerie indistinct whispering) (eerie music)
Burn in hell.
Fuck you, asshole!
(eerie music)
No! Don't!
(Mia and Leah screaming)
(ominous music)
(mask creaks)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(ominous music continues)
(Gabriella chokes)
Sister!
Run!
(neck cracks)
(body thumps)
(Leah screams) (Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(Leah whimpers)
(blade thuds)
(hurried footsteps
clacking) (tense synth music)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(stairs creaking)
(suspenseful music)
(Mia moans and pants)
[Mia] Fuck.
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music intensifies)
(Mia pants and groans)
(foot thuds) (blood splatters)
(Roger pants)
(tense music)
No!
No!
No!
No, God!
No!
(Roger grunts)
(tense music continues)
(light bulbs crackling)
(Roger groaning) (light bulbs crackling)
(Roger screaming) (light bulbs crackling)
(flesh crackling)
(eerie music)
(Kylie gasps)
- Shh, he's coming.
(eerie music continues)
I'll show you the way out
(flesh squelches) (blood splatters)
(Kylie screams)
(eerie music continues)
(Kylie screams)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily) (ominous music)
(blade clinks)
[Plague Doctor] The poison.
It hides within the walls of flesh.
[Kylie] Please let me go.
What's going on? Please let me go!
[Plague Doctor] It must be cut out.
(Kylie screams) (flesh squelching)
[Kylie] Stop!
(Kylie screams and sobs)
I shall swallow the
sin and save your soul.
(intense eerie music)
(generator thumps)
(suspenseful music)
(Kylie whimpering)
(bones cracking) (eerie music)
(Kylie gasps)
(intense eerie music)
(nurses croaking)
(nurses croaking)
(nurses croaking) (chains rattling)
(nurses croaking) (chains rattling)
[Kylie] No. (Sobs)
(bones cracking)
(Kylie screams)
(ax thuds)
(nurses moaning) (heartbeat thumping)
(weapons thudding and
hacking) (nurses moaning)
(entity speaks backwards)
(intense music continues)
(entity speaks backwards)
(flames roaring)
(nurse moans)
(rock thudding)
[Jimmy] What part of
breaking and entering
don't you understand?
[Jules] That's it. I'm, I'm outta here.
You're fired, Jules! You're history!
(crickets chirping)
Pick up the camera!
I really hate you, Dan.
You know, sometimes I think
life's like a sprinkled donut.
You're coastin' along and it...
(sighs) Everything is just
sweet, sugary goodness.
Then other times, you bite into a sprinkle,
and it hurts your teeth.
It means well, but it, uh, you
know, it hurts nonetheless.
And sometimes...
Sometimes, your partner's a jackass.
(moody hip-hop music)
Buy a vowel!
(buzzer chimes)
I'd look a Q, please.
(buzzer chimes)
Go ahead and give me a Z.
(buzzer buzzes)
I said buy a vowel, you dumb ass!
[Jack] How about you buy an I?
What?
An I, 'cause you're gonna need a lawyer.
Good one, Jack.
How about you buy an F,
and a U?
Settle down. This won't take long.
You know, you're trespassing, pigs!
(phone rings)
Well, hello! This is Seedy Motel!
The glory hole's closed.
What the fuck do you want?
So, let me get this straight.
You guys are personal trainers?
- For sure!
- Totally!
And you guys are their clients?
- Yeah, that's it exactly.
- That's it, yeah.
Trying to get our jazzercize on.
You know what I mean?
So, why aren't y'all at the gym?
Um...
Because...
It's a house call?
Yeah, that's it. A house call, dude.
It's totally a thing now.
Oh, definitely. It's totally
a thing now, mm-hm.
Come on, you guys
know what we mean, right?
I can tell you work out all the time!
Yeah, you guys are constantly
pumping iron. Am I right?
Yeah. Hey, thanks, man.
Okay, so what is that?
(bell dings)
Um...
Workout equipment?
Yeah!
Cutting edge stuff.
Things to make you rock hard. (Chuckles)
And that?
(engine roaring) (tires screeching)
(person sniffs and gasps)
Uh...
Supplements?
Bro, we're so fucked.
Super fucked.
Totally.
Ow!
Dang!
(car door slams)
[Dispatcher] Hey, Jack? We
got an interesting one for ya.
Of course you do.
[Dispatcher] A woman
named Jules says she was at
that old Lockhouse Asylum
with that asshole reporter Dan.
(chuckles) I love Dan the Man.
[Dispatcher] Says Dan is trespassin'
and harassin' the owners.
All right, we'll go check it out.
Hey. You guys know
that place is haunted, right?
[Jack] When I wanna
hear from you, I'll look at you,
and say, "Hey, dumb-ass."
Until then, keep your mouth shut.
Hey, you guys like chocolate sprinkles?
(ominous music)
(intense eerie tones)
(Eugene pants)
(light bulbs crackling) (Eugene pants)
(chains rattling) (Eugene pants)
(chains rattling) (Eugene pants)
(entity growls)
(entity grunting wildly) (intense music)
(entity laughs manically)
(distant ragtime music) (suspenseful music)
God damn it, I should've
went and did coke with Red.
(distant ragtime music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(broom clatters)
(Arnold groans)
Shit. (Groans)
(chain rattles) (Arnold groans)
(flames roaring)
(chains rattling)
(Arnold grunts)
(intense eerie tones)
(Nurse giggling) (Arnold pants)
(bones cracking) (eerie music continues)
(ragtime music)
Hm!
(Arnold groans)
Hm!
(Arnold moans and pants)
(Arnold whimpers)
(saw scraping) (Arnold screaming)
(saw scraping) (Arnold screaming)
(saw scraping) (Arnold screaming)
(girl snarling)
(girl slurps)
(girl growls)
(blood splattering)
(nurse giggles)
(hatchet scrapes) (nurse giggles)
(Arnold groans)
(Arnold groans)
(Arnold groans)
(hatchet hacking) (Arnold groaning)
(hatchet hacking) (Arnold groaning)
(weapons hacking) (ragtime music continues)
(flesh squelches)
(weapons hacking) (ragtime music continues)
(flesh squelches)
(girl growls)
(flames roaring)
He was touched by God, he is sure
And he's made my poor heart soar
(distorted vocals from ragtime music)
(crickets chirping) (ominous music)
Fire me? How dare you fire me.
You're fired. (Urine splashing)
That's what I should've said.
Like, fuck you, Dan. Fuck you.
(intense eerie music)
(Jules gasps)
(urine splashing)
(blade whooshes) (Jules screams)
(Jules screams)
(flesh squelches)
(suspenseful music)
(fingers clicking)
- Hello?
Bueller? (Chuckles)
How can you take a nap at a time like this?
I'm speaking to the dead.
Right, are you happy?
She's speaking to the dead.
She is totally cuckoo.
I don't suppose you guys
brought up bazooka, huh?
Sadly, I left that at home.
Look, Jimbo and Jerry
said they was gonna be here.
As soon as they get
here, they can let us out,
and soon, this will all be over with.
Um, yeah.
About that.
(door scrapes open)
(body thumps)
Oops.
That is not how I wanted
to come outta the closet.
(intense eerie tones)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
Oh, my God!
Hide the camera there!
(suspenseful music continues)
Damn it, Jimmy! Not on me!
Point it there!
(intense eerie music) (Dan gasps)
(Dan groans)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(stairs creaking)
Sorry.
(Jerry gasps)
Where, where's Jimbo?
Where's Jimbo?
Stop.
(Jimbo gasps)
(Shawn pants)
Where's Jimbo?
Will you just...
(Shawn pants)
Where's Jimbo?
(ominous music)
You.
Me?
It's you!
They're the cause
of all of this!
We were just leaving.
Devour the sin. Feed the cure.
[Entities] Devour the sin! Feed the cure!
Devour the sin! Feed
the cure! (Jerry screams)
Devour the sin! Feed
the cure! (Jerry screams)
Devour the sin! Feed the cure!
(Red Ninja 1 coughs)
(Red Ninja 1 coughs)
(Red Ninja 1 pants)
Tony!
Tony!
(bones crunching)
(ominous music)
(light bulbs crackling)
(books clattering)
(eerie music)
(entity shrieking) (light bulb crackles)
(intense eerie music) (Red Ninja 1 screams)
Fuck!
Oh, shit!
Oh, God!
Help!
Come on!
(entity wheezing)
(Red Ninja 1 grunts)
(plunger thuds) (entity groans)
(entity croaking)
(Red Ninja 1 pants)
How's it taste, bitch?
(Red Ninja 1 sobs)
(Red Ninja 1 pants)
(Tony speaks foreign language)
There was this lady in the, in the...
She was...
(Tony speaks foreign language)
She came at me and I was
like, "Come get some", you know?
From now on, I wanna
be referred to Red Ninja 1.
She had white eyes and
she was all over me. It was-
And you are gonna be Red Ninja 2.
(intense eerie music)
(entity cackling)
I, I took the plunger, and I
was like, "Come get some!"
You know?
That doesn't matter to me.
(intense eerie music) (entity cackling)
'Cause when I talk to the boss,
you're fucked.
(entity cackling)
(intense eerie music) (entity cackling)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(Tony yells)
Oh, no.
I am fucked!
Watch where you're going, you dickhead!
(suspenseful music)
(radio bleeps)
(thunder claps)
(thunder claps)
(radio bleeps)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(suspenseful music)
This is your plan?
You're gonna read to him?
Uh, you could just
cook something for him.
That would be a quicker death.
Oh, you know what? You know what?
(hands slapping)
My souffle is better than your souffle!
Enough!
I am sure she's gonna
do more than read to him.
I found it!
I found the passage I must read.
Oh, Jesus.
(suspenseful music)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(intense eerie tones)
[Nadia] Andreas! Hurry, damn it!
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(ominous music)
(light bulbs crackling)
Ah.
There you are.
We've been expecting you.
Um...
You have?
(ominous music continues)
Well...
What are you waiting for?
(serving trolley squeaking)
(ominous music continues)
(book thumps)
(pages flicking)
You.
It's you!
(pages flicking) (ominous music continues)
(machine bleeping)
Did you guys see that?
(machine bleeping)
Where did they go?
They're in the shadows now.
He knows we're here
and he's trying to stop us.
(machine bleeps rhythmically)
(brooding synth music)
(machine bleeps rhythmically)
(Frank mumbles)
(Frank mumbles)
(Frank mumbles)
You guys are gonna have
to look out for each other,
when I'm gone.
I just...
(Frank coughs)
You did this.
This is your fault.
This is your fault. (Light bulbs crackling)
We can't have the feast,
without the main course.
(eerie music)
(intense eerie music)
(Dale screams)
Dinner
is served!
(knife hacking) (eerie music continues)
You did this. (Light bulbs crackling)
(generator thumps)
(intense eerie music)
(intense eerie music continues)
This is all your fault!
Don't trust your eyes.
He's trying to stop us!
(tense music)
They're the cause
of all of this!
(tense music continues)
He's here!
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(tense music continues)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(gun fires)
Dagger of life, take haste, take hold!
(gun clicks)
Dagger of life, take haste, take hold!
Stabbing deep to awaken the soul!
(Clay groans)
(Aiden screams)
Dagger of life!
Take haste! Take hold!
Stabbing deep to awaken the soul!
(suspenseful music)
And that's not just any old pen.
That one has special powers. It's magic.
And one day, you're gonna write
the greatest story ever told with that pen.
Do you believe in magic?
(Dr. Gift groans) (dramatic music)
(rocks rumbling)
(entity roars)
(suspenseful music)
Gift.
Your time has come.
Gift.
(intense dramatic music)
(flames roaring)
(gentle synth music)
You know, we don't have a chance in hell
of selling this place.
(car door slams)
(grass rustling)
I'd like to make an offer.
You serious?
Sold!
But I did not say the price!
Doesn't matter. It's yours.
(keys clinking)
So, what are you gonna do, guys?
Well, I'm going back
to the city with him.
Figured it's time to say
goodbye to this place.
And I have a book to finish.
(moody synth music)
I have the money.
(moody synth music continues)
Bury me
So deep
So sweet
I wanted you to play a game
Come clean
Admit
Obscene
I need you to believe in me
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you, wanted you to know
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you, wanted you to know
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
(moody synth music continues)
Starry eyes
Starry lips
You eclipse
The darkness ain't hiding me
Such a taste
Such a face
You erase
Humanity inside of me
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you, wanted you to know
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Me, me
Me, me
Me, me
(bright orchestral music)
(static crackles)
(wind humming)
(ominous music)
In there!
It's awful!
We didn't know what to do. It's horrible.
We barely made it out alive.
It's the nightmare come to life.
It's the nightmare come to life!
Come on, David. Let's go.
Shouldn't we wait?
Yeah, I don't know about this, Phil.
To hell with that.
Let's go.
(ominous music continues)
[Officer] Is he sleeping?
You sleep with your eyes open?
(ominous music continues)
(door clicks open)
(door creaks)
(ominous music continues)
(Phil coughs)
(eerie music)
(bones cracking)
(eerie music intensifies)
(victims groaning)
(victims groaning)
Jesus.
What did he do to you?
You poor bastard.
(officer yelping)
He's here!
He's alive! Get him off of me!
The patients... (pants)
(chain clinking)
Let's go.
Devour the sin. Feed the cure.
Devour the sin. Feed the cure.
Devour the sin. Feed
the cure! (Ominous music)
Devour the sin. Feed the cure!
Devour the sin. Feed the cure!
(ominous music continues)
(suspenseful music)
[Dr. Gift] Beautiful, isn't she?
[Phil] Freeze!
(metal clinking)
(suspenseful music continues)
I said don't move, God damn it!
The great rebirth is upon us.
Millions have suffered
from this plague of sin.
I thought that my blood was enough,
but the ultimate cleanse is death.
(suspenseful music continues)
(patient gasps)
(intense eerie music)
(flesh crunches)
(Phil grunts)
(fist thuds)
(body thumps)
(Phil grunts)
(Phil grunts) (Dr. Gift groans)
(gas hissing)
(blood splatters)
(blood splatters)
Soon, my friend.
Soon, you will see.
(gas hissing)
(gun cocks)
No!
(flames roaring) (flesh crunching)
(glass shattering)
(flames roaring and crackling) (dark music)
(dark music continues)
(flames roaring)
(explosion roars)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(entity growls)
(ominous music continues)
(warm synth music)
Do people really read this shit?
I'll have you know about
25,000 people read that book.
According to my publisher.
Really?
Hm.
Lot of dummies out there, I guess.
Well, we can't all have the elegant taste
of a fine redneck such as yourself.
I'll drink to that.
Same old Clay.
(Clay belches)
(both chuckling)
Beautiful, ain't it?
Picture this.
Window flies open and there you are,
fluffy bunny slippers and
your silky underwears.
Or whatever you wear.
You gaze it to sun rising
over the peaceful horizon.
I don't wake up that early.
And this is where we'd
be checking in guests
at the prestigious
Lockhouse Bed and Breakfast.
And this is where yours truly
would be serving waffles at 8AM sharp.
Waffles? What about French toast?
French toast. French fries.
Hell, I'll serve you up the
God damn Eiffel Tower,
if that's what you want.
(sighs) Just like old times?
(Clay gulps)
[Clay] Uh-huh.
(sighs) Well...
Since they're practically
giving this place away,
it'd be silly to pass up.
Yeah.
Oh, hell, let's do it.
All right, all right, all right, all right!
(brooding synth music)
[TV Boy] They keep falling
down. I'm just no good at this.
Sometimes even grown-ups feel that way.
Really?
Oh, sure.
The one thing I've learned
is if something's hard,
it's okay to ask for help.
[TV Boy] Can you help me?
[TV Father] I'd love
to. Let's build it together.
(brooding synth music continues)
[Kathryn] Don't sit too
close to the TV, Aiden.
Eat up, because when your dad gets here,
we're gonna go to the park.
(door thuds)
- Dad!
- Hey, hey!
There he is! How you doing, buddy?
- Good to see ya.
- Frank.
You don't have to bring them
home something every pay day.
Oh, nonsense.
Of course I do.
Where's my little slugger?
Anyway, hey, this one's for you.
(present rattling)
Dad!
(paper rustling)
Whoa.
(paper rustling)
(lock clicks)
For all the stories you've been writing.
It's magic.
(machine bleeps rhythmically)
(Aiden gasps)
(Aiden sighs)
(Aiden pants)
Dad?
(intense eerie tones)
(body thumps) (Aiden pants)
Oh, shit.
(Aiden pants)
(Aiden grunts) (warm synth music)
(distant drill buzzing)
(distant hammer thudding)
Hey, Jerry. What you doing?
Oh!
Hey, Aiden!
This is my buddy Jimbo!
Uh, hey. Hey.
This, this is my, my buddy-
Jimbo, yep. Got it.
Hi, Jimbo.
What's up, man? How you doin'?
So, you're the famous writer, huh?
You guys getting an
early start this morning, huh?
Uh...
Yeah. Could you close your robe?
(Jimbo chuckles)
I can see all the way up it from here.
All right. Um...
Hey, Jimbo. Where can I
get a soy latte around here?
They got nickel coffee
at the general store.
Mm.
Yummy.
Hey, uh, have you guys seen my brother?
(Clay talking in distance)
Good talk, guys.
(brooding synth music)
(car door clicks open)
(brooding synth music continues)
(bell dings)
Just messin' around.
Hey, looky. It works.
(door clicks open)
Really, Andreas?
You are embarrassing me!
- Talk to you for a second?
- Yeah.
(Andreas pants)
[Aiden] Bro, what're you doing?
I'm checking her in.
But we don't open up till tomorrow night.
So, check her out.
Oh, I have been checking her out.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
I don't mind that I'm early.
Trust me. We won't bother you.
And you can finish working.
Plus, I will pay double!
Well, uh, if you don't mind.
Well, here you are.
You guys got a nice view of...
Well, some lovely trees.
[Nadia] That's wonderful. (Chuckles)
This is a great town, if
you guys want a tour later.
That sounds great.
We've got this amazing burger joint.
(door thuds)
(Andreas exhales deeply)
Congratulations.
What?
Excuse me?
Newly weds, right?
Congratulations.
She's a heck of a girl.
Yes.
Lucky me.
(paper tears)
Well, that was interesting.
Yeah. They seem nice.
Right.
Nadia Kuzmina.
Wonder what her story is.
[Clay] Hey, I left a
present in your room.
- Yeah?
- Under the bed.
(brooding synth music)
Magic.
Well, boys, we did good.
(bottle pops)
To success.
To the future.
(bottles clinking)
(brooding synth music continues)
Hey.
You're using it. Awesome.
Yeah. Kinda on a roll here.
It's crazy.
Great to hear, little brother.
Well...
(yawns) Guess I'll leave you to it.
Big day tomorrow.
Don't stay up too late.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Sounds great.
(phone rings)
(phone rings)
(electronic dance music)
(patrons chattering)
(phone rings)
(phone rings)
(phone rings)
Aiden LeBrock.
You slippery little cunt.
Jordan Cutler, you yuppie shit bag.
How'd you find me?
Oh, I have my ways.
(Jordan sniffs)
Oh.
(Jordan sniffs)
(Jordan sighs)
So, uh, where's my book, farm boy?
Don't tell me that, uh,
getting back to your roots,
and chasing cowgirls is more
important than your career.
Uh, I'm, I'm working on it.
I got a few pages.
I'm sorry.
Think I must've drank too much.
'Cause it kinda sounds
like you said "a few pages."
Yeah, sorry, man, I've just
been getting back to my roots
and chasing cowgirls.
[Jordan] You little asshole.
Don't worry, man. I'm
onto something good here.
I want something that'll
take people by surprise,
and just come out of nowhere.
(patient wheezing)
I'm telling you, man.
I've never felt this way
about a novel before.
Groundbreaking, huh?
It's the only way, man.
Give me one month and
I'll have something to you.
(patient wheezing)
Fine.
But in the meantime, I want
you to come back to the city.
Got some very important
people for you to meet.
[Aiden] Yeah, about that.
(light bulb crackles)
Hey. Let me call you back.
Hello?
Hello?
(phone slams)
[Woman] Hey, Jordan.
(eerie music)
[Aiden] (clears throat) You lost?
Excuse me. Were you spying on me?
Uh, what're you doing?
Uh...
I, I am, I was just, uh...
I was looking for a restroom!
(Nadia chuckles)
Right.
So, what are you doing?
You mean besides spying on you?
I'm actually writing a book.
Really?
Yep. Just the next
New York Time bestseller.
No big deal.
This is so fascinating.
Actually, I would love to
show you what I already have,
if you'd like to take a look at it.
(Nadia sighs)
Look at the time.
I have to go to sleep. (Yawns)
Okay.
Goodnight.
(ominous music)
(door clicks open and creaks)
(intense eerie music)
(knocks on door)
(door clicks open)
You need to see this.
(eerie music continues)
(wind whistles) (dark music)
Man.
Clay?
What am I looking at?
I don't know.
Did you know this was here?
No.
My God!
What happened here?
Wonder what's in there.
[Clay] I guess the rumors are true.
Rumors?
Well, supposedly, this place was closed.
Doctor lost his mind and
killed a bunch of patients.
What?
And nurses.
(Aiden groans)
And all the doctors, too.
God damn it, Clay.
Figured it was like an
urban legend or somethin'.
What do you think he was
doing down here? Prostate exams?
Nobody needs to know about this.
It doesn't change anything.
Shit.
Wait a minute.
I know you're awake, Nadia.
You knew about that room
down there, didn't you?
(Nadia speaks foreign language)
- What?
- What do you want?
We are very tired!
[Andreas] Psst! Psst!
Sorry, ma'am. Just a misunderstanding.
You need to chill, man.
Tomorrow's opening day
and you're gonna blow it.
Fine. I just don't trust her.
Why don't we just take them out,
then go down and get the safe?
I told you, no violence this time.
Okay, but if that doesn't
work, what's Plan B?
Violence.
(door slams)
(Nadia sighs)
Those douche bags again.
(eerie music)
(Andreas snores)
(Andreas snores)
[Entity] Nadia.
(suspenseful music)
Hello?
(door clicks open)
Hey!
(suspenseful music continues)
(door slams)
(intense eerie music)
(entity speaks indistinctly)
(brooding synth music)
(door thuds)
Welcome to the
Lockhouse Bed and Breakfast.
You here for a room?
I am Neena Menasha,
and this is my sister Gabriella.
We are mediums.
I'm more about a
large, extra large, myself.
We are psychic mediums,
and we will be performing
a seance here this evening.
Psychics?
We're gonna need one
of your biggest rooms.
Well, of course.
"Can't have an old fashioned
seance without a big room."
I knew you were going to say that.
Okay. If you're psychics, tell
me something about myself.
(eerie tones)
You are an asshole.
Dang it. She's good.
Seriously?
Can I have your names?
- Lydia.
- Sheela.
Mia.
Leah.
I'm just gonna write the number six.
You can reach us
anytime at the front desk
by hitting the number-
Three.
Holy crap! Are you psychic, too?
It's right there!
Thank you. I doubt we
will need your assistance.
Of course. My brother
will show you to your room.
That won't be necessary.
We can find our own way.
[Aiden] That right?
Well, off you go then.
Pardon me, dear brother,
but do you mind getting
the hell out of my damn way?
Some of us take our jobs seriously.
Well, some of us take
our appearances seriously.
Jesus!
You know what people hate in a kitchen?
Gee, I don't know. Bad food?
They hate
hats that aren't fluffy.
(Shawn sighs)
So why don't you keep
the hat fluffed, okay?
(Shawn sighs)
(hand slaps)
(engine revs)
My name's Bradley.
But my friends (stutters) call me Radley.
You know why?
(car whooshes)
Please don't kill us.
(engine roars)
It's because I'm so fucking rad!
(tires screeching)
So, you dudes... (stutters)
Dicks?
Dudes are like ghost killers, right?
Paranormal investigators.
Oh, wow!
That stuff is... (stutters)
So cool. Yeah, we know!
Super cool?
Stupid ass shit!
Man, why don't you just
sh, sh, shut the fuck up,
and pay attention to what you're doing?
Maybe we should get out
and walk the rest of the way.
(engine roars)
(tires screeching)
Is it true that this place
used to be an insane asylum?
The very asylum where the infamous Dr. Gift
killed dozens of people, before finally,
you know, killing himself?
(patient screams)
[Clay] Well, I mean, that
was a long time ago, so-
- (chuckles) Nice.
- That's right.
Fantastic. We definitely want a room.
I'm Eugene. This is
Willard, Roger and Arnold.
[Clay] So, you just want the one?
Yeah. Just the one.
We're not gonna get much sleep anyway.
No sleep. Nah.
[Aiden] What do you plan on doing then?
We're hunting ghosts!
You know, paranormal shit. We love it.
[Aiden] You seriously
believe in that nonsense?
Of course we do. How can you not?
[Aiden] Those things don't exist.
It's all pure fiction.
Pure fiction, my ass!
The paranormal's real.
I mean, we've seen shit that
would blow your mind, man.
I mean, we've investigated ghosts and,
and demons and monsters.
Shit.
[Aiden] Come on. No way.
- Yes way.
- Uh-huh.
We'll make a believer outta ya.
[Aiden] Clay, why don't you
show Scooby and the gang
up to their room?
You can reach us at this desk
at any time, but please don't.
Trust me. We won't.
(chuckles) Yeah.
Dick.
[Willard] Asshole.
(chair creaks)
(warm synth music)
Well, hey there, stud.
(book thuds)
Hello, ladies.
(book clatters)
Can I help you?
(suitcase thuds)
Oh, I'm sure there's a lot
you could do for us. (Chuckles)
Settle down, girls. You're
clearly rattling his cage.
I think I could fix that, though.
So, you're looking for a room or-
Yes, hon. We need a room. (Chuckles)
Do you have a big one?
(group chuckles)
Can I get your names?
We're Stiletto Honeymoon.
You haven't heard of us?
Oh, that's a shame.
I'm sure you will remember
our names, though,
before we leave.
Trust me.
I'm Veronica.
I'm Kylie.
Do you have a gym here?
You can call me whatever you want.
(chuckles) That's Jill.
I'm Kat.
Hi.
When my brother gets back,
he'll show you to your rooms.
Oh, you're not gonna take us yourself?
(door clicks open)
Oh, there he is.
Clay, can you show these
ladies to their room, please?
Sure.
Follow me.
See you later.
(bell dings)
Oh, what the hell?
Look at that.
What do they think we're some
kind of sideshow or something?
Hey. That's Dan the Newsman.
He's kind of a big deal around here.
(Dan sneezes)
[Aiden] Oh, yeah?
Give me a smile, Dan!
Oh, Jesus.
Jimmy, how am I lookin'?
Shiny as hell.
What'd you do, wax your whole face?
[Jules] I'll add more powder.
Powder?
Baby, you're gonna need
spray paint or somethin'.
You trying to do, break my camera?
Hey. He could be great for marketing.
Oh, yeah?
[Clay] Let's see what he's got to say.
[Aiden] Whatever, man.
I don't care what you do,
but I am not talking to that scumbag.
Come on!
There is no way.
Dan the Newsman here,
and I'm here with acclaimed
writer Aiden LeBrock.
So, tell us, Aiden, how is
our town treating you so far?
Good.
Well, all right then.
So, tell us, why did you decide
to build a bed and breakfast
at the old asylum?
And why are you retiring as a writer?
Wait, what?
Come on down to the
Lockhouse Bed and Breakfast!
Home of the best damn waffles you ever had.
French toast.
French toast.
Okay, but...
Hey!
Come in! Come in!
Hello!
Look, be patient.
We'll hear from them soon!
First of all, I am the most
patient person you know!
Secondly, this is the biggest
job we have ever done.
We cannot take this lightly.
This shit is gonna be huge for me!
Go check the door.
Make sure it's secured before
we discuss anything else.
Sure thing.
Not tomorrow! Today!
Speed it up!
You, of course, will be on lookout,
to make sure we don't
have unwanted attention.
Luckily, the two guys
running this place are idiots.
I doubt they will notice.
Now, go put your camo on.
Babe, I thought you were
joking when you said that.
(water trickling) (eerie
indistinct whispering)
(fabric whooshes)
(eerie indistinct whispering)
(fabric whooshes)
(fabric whooshing)
Man, that really hits the spot.
(knocks on door) (suspenseful music)
(sighs) Come in!
(door clicks open)
(moody synth music)
(toolbox thumps)
Can I help you fellas? (Fly buzzes)
(hand slams)
No, sir.
(lighter flicks)
(cigarette sizzles)
We can help you.
We're here to fix your leak, amigo.
Leak?
Uh, there's no smoking here, man.
Oh.
My apologies.
(cigarette plops)
Yes, sir, we got a call
from the fella by the name of Jimbob.
You mean Jimbo?
Jim...
Jimbo. Yeah, that's what I said.
What he said.
Said there's a leak in the basement.
(paper rustles)
Would he call them without telling you?
[Clay] I don't know.
Haven't seen him all day.
I don't know, man. These
guys might be full of shit.
No, sir!
But your house will soon be.
That's right, chief.
Pretty soon, those tenants of yours
will be up the butt holes in sewage.
- Sewage?
- Sewage.
That's right.
Piss, shit. All that kinds of things.
It'd be a damn shame.
If the city considers this place a hazard,
they'll shut you boys down.
Yeah, that'd be a real
tear jerker, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
So, we can do this the easy way...
Or the real easy way.
(moody synth music)
Test. Testicles.
Titanic titties.
Well, it looks like, uh,
the specter mic is working.
I can't find the Geiger counter.
[Willard] Go find it.
I'm telling you guys, this has gotta be
the most haunted place
we have ever been in.
[Eugene] Cameras are up
and runnin' and we're ready to go.
This is the place, guys.
This is the place where
we're finally gonna prove
all those skeptic assholes wrong!
We're gonna prove that we
were right, they were wrong,
and they can kiss my fat ass.
[Group] Yeah! (Chuckles)
(dark electronic music)
Um...
What you doing?
I am cleansing this
house with sacred herbs.
You?
Uh... (chuckles)
Same? (Chuckles)
(dark music)
It is time to knock on their gates,
and tug at their chains.
(Gabriella speaks foreign language)
All right, this time,
let me do the talking.
(Gabriella speaks foreign language)
- Uh...
- You know what?
Maybe we should just introduce
ourselves in the morning.
(Gabriella speaks foreign language)
(knocks on door)
[Dale] Hello!
I thought I'd introduce myself!
I'm the Lockhouse chef.
[Shawn] Why didn't you say
"we are the Lockhouse chefs"?
Why is it always about you?
[Dale] Come on!
Open it.
See what the hell they want.
But I...
(Andreas sighs)
(door clicks open)
Yes. May I help you?
Oh. (Chuckles)
My nightly face routine.
You have to moisturize.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Oh, hi, ma'am!
What's wrong with your hat?
(Nadia chuckles)
(Dale laughs)
(door slams)
What are you doing?
Take that off. You look ridiculous!
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
What? What is it?
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
Yep. Yep, yep.
Guys, what's the issue?
Mm, mm, mm. Mm, mm, mm.
Mm-hm.
Mm. Mm-mm.
Well, sir, I got good
news and I got bad news.
Bad news, amigo. They are fucked.
Good news is you have the
two best God damn plumbers
there ever was, on the job.
Mm-hm.
(plunger squelches)
(brooding synth music)
Howdy!
These are my associates,
Wild Bill and Dallas Dave.
We call him that on
account of he's from Dallas.
This here's my partner, Mean Maggie.
Let me guess. On
account of how mean she is?
Well, I'm actually quite
pleasant, thank you very much.
Uh, sorry, guys.
It looks like we're all, uh,
booked up for the evening.
That's not what the sign says, poncho.
Y'all wouldn't be lying
to us now, would ya?
(chuckles) Of course not.
'Cause you know what we hate?
Um...
Lies?
Nah.
Assholes like you.
Okay, look.
There is a fine seedy
motel right down the street
that would love high class
individuals such as yourself.
I even hear they have vending
machines that are outstanding.
Actually, we have
one more room available.
We do?
[Clay] Yes. It's the best one, actually.
Perfect. We'll take it!
(bullet ricochets)
(aggressive heavy metal music)
[Willard] Hey, don't break that shit.
- I'm just so fuckin' excited.
- Yeah!
(heavy metal music continues)
Dr. Gift, we're coming after you, boy.
Yeah, we are, bitch!
Yeah, son!
I don't even know what's in there.
Don't break this shit.
That shit's expensive.
You didn't fucking pay for it.
I did. Can you stop?
It's fine, man. Calm down.
[Roger] I had to take third
mortgage out for this shit.
[Arnold] Jesus.
- You live with your mom.
- Mom!
Dr. Gift is gonna fuck you in the ass!
[Roger] I'm gonna fuck him in the ass.
I'm gonna fuck somethin'.
Right... (device whining)
Right here.
This room right here?
Yeah, well, we're gonna have to make sure
that we get in there tonight.
(device whining)
Dude.
Dude.
Dude, there's some chicks in there.
They look like they're almost naked.
We definitely gotta get in there tonight.
(wrench clicking)
How's it going?
What's up?
Nice truck you got here.
(wrench clicking)
Um...
Think maybe we could
borrow a couple of those beers from you?
(wrench clangs)
Yeah.
Sure.
(bottle pops) (cap clatters)
(bottle pops) Since you asked so nicely.
Thanks.
Thanks, yeah.
Bottoms up.
No problem. I open
drinks for all my bitches.
(Willard and Arnold chuckling)
[Caller] Come in, Red
baron. Red Baron, do you copy?
What the hell took so long?
Copy that, Red Baron.
This is Red Ninja 1.
Red Ninja 2 and I are in the promised land.
Our eyes are on the prize.
What the hell you are saying?
Just tell me, do you have safe or not?
Copy that.
We are with the safe.
Should have the sucker cracked in no time.
Good. How long will it take?
[Red Ninja 1] Uh, 10 minutes tops.
Red Ninja 2 has already started.
Why do you get to be the Red Ninja 1?
Just tell me when it's
done and we will be there.
(radio bleeps)
(sighs) Copy that.
(radio thuds)
(safe dial scraping)
You're supposed to turn clockwise.
[Red Ninja 1] That
is clockwise. Or is that-
Which way is this way?
[Red Ninja 1] That's,
that's counter clockwise.
- So, I'm okay okay.
- Okay, okay.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
[Red Ninja 1] What about
top? I'm gonna try top-wise.
No, no, no, no.
Go, go, go right there. You,
you're doing good, yeah.
[Red Ninja 1] Okay,
spin-wise, or you want me to do...
- Which way?
- Which way is this way?
[Red Ninja 1] That's spin
wise. I'm trying to go top.
- Go top.
- Okay, top-wise.
(door clicks open)
Oh, (chuckles) hello.
May I interest you ladies
in some of my highly delicious fish tacos?
Gross.
(door slams)
(upbeat rock music)
[Rouge] Hey, all you thirsty
thugs and lovesick drugs,
this is Rouge on the Rouge Road Show,
and I have a special
treat for you this evening.
This one is from a laser hot
band called Stiletto Honeymoon.
So, strap in and get
ready to rock the fuck out!
(upbeat heavy metal music)
I see you and you can't see me
Look in my eyes, there's no lies
I feel you and you can't feel me
(chuckles) Kylie, you
work way too hard, man.
Seriously, dude.
Look at her go. I'm working
up a sweat just watching her.
- Woo-hoo!
- Woo!
Yeah!
Okay, I'm gonna go hit the shower.
Save some of that for me, please.
- (chuckles) Right.
- (Chuckles) Right.
Those assholes think they
can keep a story from me?
Well, they don't know Dan, do they?
Yeah, but we do.
What's the plan, Dan?
His crazy ass is gonna
get us shot! That's the plan.
Shh! Quiet!
Just saw a bunch of wackadoos checking in.
I'm tellin' you, something's gonna happen.
Picture the headline.
"Famous writer reopens nuthouse".
Here's a headline for you.
"Dickhead reporter killed
by angry camera guy".
Quit it, you guys. (Sighs)
I better get a raise after this.
Dust of ancients. (Dark synth music)
Shadows black as pitch.
From the cracks of forever.
Send us your darkest witch.
(wind whooshing)
(eerie indistinct whispering)
(dark synth music continues)
Boom!
Drink up, bitches.
Son of a...
Come on!
(light bulb crackles) (dark
synth music continues)
Bitchin'.
(indistinct radio chatter)
(radio static crackles)
[Patient] Feed the cure. Devour the sin.
Feed the cure.
(water splashes) (dark
synth music continues)
Oh, fudge.
(light bulb crackles) (dark
synth music continues)
'Cause you can always bet on Chet.
I don't really care for like
long walks on the beach.
Everybody says I funny guy.
My humor is like top number one.
[Announcer] He's cleaning up the streets,
one bullet at a time.
I'll do it, I swear! I'll
blow her fucking head off!
Don't make me bust you up again.
(gun firing)
You are us and we are you.
For those of you not aware,
the asylum was turned into a clinic in 1918
to help house the influx of patients
due to the Spanish Flu pandemic.
Aiden LeBrock
wants to turn this asylum right behind me
into a bed and breakfast.
I'm here at the old Lockhouse Asylum
that has been shut down
for a number of years.
[Reporter] In other news,
everyone is just super excited
about the grand opening of the Lockhouse...
(TV static crackles) (moaning from TV)
(hand patting)
(drawer scrapes open)
[Clay] Where are those damn keys at?
(eerie music)
(drawer scrapes open)
(drawer thuds)
(jacket zips)
(lock clicks)
(battery clacks)
(cassette clicks)
Fuck yeah.
(static crackles)
This is Willard Stanowski,
paranormal investigator.
I'm here at the Dr. Gift House.
This location was
formerly a mental institution
where the infamous doctor performed cruel
and sadistic experiments on his patients.
Allegedly, 25 of these
people were brutally murdered.
The doctor himself said to
a perished on these grounds.
The legend is that he
still roams the property,
and tonight, I'm gonna capture him on tape.
I'm performing a solo experiment
because my colleagues
are nerds!
And couldn't stay awake past 9PM.
(static crackles)
(suspenseful music)
(door clicks open)
(suspenseful music continues)
(entity speaks backwards)
(Willard sighs)
I just heard a female's voice
say my name. (Chuckles)
Oh, there's something here.
All right.
I'm gonna go check it out.
(suspenseful music)
(Willard chuckles)
What kinda stupid shit is this?
(light bulbs crackling)
(ominous music)
(Willard breathes heavily)
What happened?
(Willard breathes heavily)
(ominous music continues)
(Willard breathes shakily)
(Willard moans)
(Willard moans)
(Willard groans)
(intense eerie music) (Willard screams)
[Ordak] Why have you called upon Ordak?
Sister, we call upon
you in search of a lost soul.
[Ordak] All souls here are lost.
Whom do you seek?
Our mothers.
They died in this asylum.
Please tell us.
Are their souls here?
[Ordak] Yes.
They infect the walls of
this house like a plague.
Can we talk to them?
Please, sisters. Please.
Let us speak to them.
(water splashes)
(Kat blows sharply)
(eerie music)
(safe thuds) (Red Ninja 1 grunts)
(gas hisses) (Red Ninja 1 coughs)
(Red Ninjas coughing) (gas hissing)
[Red Ninja 1] Come in!
(Red Ninjas coughing) (gas hissing)
(Red Ninjas coughing)
(water splashing) (ominous music)
(light bulb crackles)
[Ordak] There is something here.
(necks cracking)
(dark music)
It's what we feared.
He's free.
From now until sunrise,
there must not be any
blood dropped in this house.
Go tell everyone in
the house, not one drop,
or we're all doomed.
Let's go. Hurry.
(dark music continues)
(door clicks open and creaks)
(suspenseful music)
Hurry.
Oh!
You must not allow
any blood to be spilled
in this house before sunrise.
Nuh-uh. I'm telling Clay.
What in the fresh hell was that?
(Kat grunting) (bones cracking)
(Kat grunting) (flesh squelching)
(knocks on door)
Everyone!
(knocks on door)
- Everyone, listen.
- What the hell are you doing?
What's going on?
I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but we must not allow one drop of blood
to spill in this house.
(Kat grunting) (flesh squelching)
(guitar thudding) (flesh squelching)
(Kylie screams)
(Kylie screams)
(Jill screams)
(flesh squelches)
[Roger] Nothing sounds
crazy to me. Come on.
(Kat pants) (light bulbs crackling)
What happened?
(stone rumbling) (intense music)
(Dr. Gift roars)
(Kim screams)
[Roger] Hey!
Hold on!
[Dale] Let go!
Get off her, you creepy son of a bitch!
(Kat screams)
(light bulbs crackling)
(Roger chuckles)
(hurried footsteps thumping)
(Kylie screams)
(Kylie screams)
(Kylie pants)
(Kylie gasps)
(ominous music)
Call 911.
[Leah] Quick! Hurry, get in here!
Get in here! Hurry!
Hello?
Hello?
(phone thuds)
- Is it dead?
- Yeah.
Just like us.
Oh, good. You got a gun?
I've got wood.
(sighs) Shit.
(ominous music continues)
(bed rattling) (ominous music continues)
(intense dark music)
(blade hacks)
(intense dark music continues)
(blood splatters)
(Dallas groans)
(light bulbs crackling)
(footsteps thumping)
(Maggie groans and chokes)
(glove creaks)
(blade hacks)
(Dr. Gift grunts) (guts splattering)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily) (ominous music)
I'm still standin', asshole.
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(ominous music continues)
Fuck you!
(heads thudding)
(bones cracking)
Oh, shit!
I don't know what to do!
[Gabriella] It won't work!
This place is under his control now!
(door handle rattles)
We're surrounded by lunatics.
(eerie music)
(Kylie gasps)
(Kylie breathes shakily)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music)
(Neena gasps)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music continues)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music continues)
(blade scrapes)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(footsteps thumping)
What the...
Are you guys serious?
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(dark synth music continues)
I think it's like totally working.
Clay?
I know.
- Clay?
- I know.
- Clay!
- I know!
Shit.
(gun fires)
(guns firing rapidly)
(guns firing rapidly) (guests whimpering)
(guns firing rapidly)
(chefs whimpering)
(ethereal synth music)
Who are you?
We are the ones who
are going to save the day!
Oh.
We're also the ones who
are here to rob the place.
Oh. (Music winds down)
But still saving you also.
(group chuckling)
(eerie indistinct whispering) (eerie music)
Burn in hell.
Fuck you, asshole!
(eerie music)
No! Don't!
(Mia and Leah screaming)
(ominous music)
(mask creaks)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(ominous music continues)
(Gabriella chokes)
Sister!
Run!
(neck cracks)
(body thumps)
(Leah screams) (Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(Leah whimpers)
(blade thuds)
(hurried footsteps
clacking) (tense synth music)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(stairs creaking)
(suspenseful music)
(Mia moans and pants)
[Mia] Fuck.
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music intensifies)
(Mia pants and groans)
(foot thuds) (blood splatters)
(Roger pants)
(tense music)
No!
No!
No!
No, God!
No!
(Roger grunts)
(tense music continues)
(light bulbs crackling)
(Roger groaning) (light bulbs crackling)
(Roger screaming) (light bulbs crackling)
(flesh crackling)
(eerie music)
(Kylie gasps)
- Shh, he's coming.
(eerie music continues)
I'll show you the way out
(flesh squelches) (blood splatters)
(Kylie screams)
(eerie music continues)
(Kylie screams)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily) (ominous music)
(blade clinks)
[Plague Doctor] The poison.
It hides within the walls of flesh.
[Kylie] Please let me go.
What's going on? Please let me go!
[Plague Doctor] It must be cut out.
(Kylie screams) (flesh squelching)
[Kylie] Stop!
(Kylie screams and sobs)
I shall swallow the
sin and save your soul.
(intense eerie music)
(generator thumps)
(suspenseful music)
(Kylie whimpering)
(bones cracking) (eerie music)
(Kylie gasps)
(intense eerie music)
(nurses croaking)
(nurses croaking)
(nurses croaking) (chains rattling)
(nurses croaking) (chains rattling)
[Kylie] No. (Sobs)
(bones cracking)
(Kylie screams)
(ax thuds)
(nurses moaning) (heartbeat thumping)
(weapons thudding and
hacking) (nurses moaning)
(entity speaks backwards)
(intense music continues)
(entity speaks backwards)
(flames roaring)
(nurse moans)
(rock thudding)
[Jimmy] What part of
breaking and entering
don't you understand?
[Jules] That's it. I'm, I'm outta here.
You're fired, Jules! You're history!
(crickets chirping)
Pick up the camera!
I really hate you, Dan.
You know, sometimes I think
life's like a sprinkled donut.
You're coastin' along and it...
(sighs) Everything is just
sweet, sugary goodness.
Then other times, you bite into a sprinkle,
and it hurts your teeth.
It means well, but it, uh, you
know, it hurts nonetheless.
And sometimes...
Sometimes, your partner's a jackass.
(moody hip-hop music)
Buy a vowel!
(buzzer chimes)
I'd look a Q, please.
(buzzer chimes)
Go ahead and give me a Z.
(buzzer buzzes)
I said buy a vowel, you dumb ass!
[Jack] How about you buy an I?
What?
An I, 'cause you're gonna need a lawyer.
Good one, Jack.
How about you buy an F,
and a U?
Settle down. This won't take long.
You know, you're trespassing, pigs!
(phone rings)
Well, hello! This is Seedy Motel!
The glory hole's closed.
What the fuck do you want?
So, let me get this straight.
You guys are personal trainers?
- For sure!
- Totally!
And you guys are their clients?
- Yeah, that's it exactly.
- That's it, yeah.
Trying to get our jazzercize on.
You know what I mean?
So, why aren't y'all at the gym?
Um...
Because...
It's a house call?
Yeah, that's it. A house call, dude.
It's totally a thing now.
Oh, definitely. It's totally
a thing now, mm-hm.
Come on, you guys
know what we mean, right?
I can tell you work out all the time!
Yeah, you guys are constantly
pumping iron. Am I right?
Yeah. Hey, thanks, man.
Okay, so what is that?
(bell dings)
Um...
Workout equipment?
Yeah!
Cutting edge stuff.
Things to make you rock hard. (Chuckles)
And that?
(engine roaring) (tires screeching)
(person sniffs and gasps)
Uh...
Supplements?
Bro, we're so fucked.
Super fucked.
Totally.
Ow!
Dang!
(car door slams)
[Dispatcher] Hey, Jack? We
got an interesting one for ya.
Of course you do.
[Dispatcher] A woman
named Jules says she was at
that old Lockhouse Asylum
with that asshole reporter Dan.
(chuckles) I love Dan the Man.
[Dispatcher] Says Dan is trespassin'
and harassin' the owners.
All right, we'll go check it out.
Hey. You guys know
that place is haunted, right?
[Jack] When I wanna
hear from you, I'll look at you,
and say, "Hey, dumb-ass."
Until then, keep your mouth shut.
Hey, you guys like chocolate sprinkles?
(ominous music)
(intense eerie tones)
(Eugene pants)
(light bulbs crackling) (Eugene pants)
(chains rattling) (Eugene pants)
(chains rattling) (Eugene pants)
(entity growls)
(entity grunting wildly) (intense music)
(entity laughs manically)
(distant ragtime music) (suspenseful music)
God damn it, I should've
went and did coke with Red.
(distant ragtime music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(broom clatters)
(Arnold groans)
Shit. (Groans)
(chain rattles) (Arnold groans)
(flames roaring)
(chains rattling)
(Arnold grunts)
(intense eerie tones)
(Nurse giggling) (Arnold pants)
(bones cracking) (eerie music continues)
(ragtime music)
Hm!
(Arnold groans)
Hm!
(Arnold moans and pants)
(Arnold whimpers)
(saw scraping) (Arnold screaming)
(saw scraping) (Arnold screaming)
(saw scraping) (Arnold screaming)
(girl snarling)
(girl slurps)
(girl growls)
(blood splattering)
(nurse giggles)
(hatchet scrapes) (nurse giggles)
(Arnold groans)
(Arnold groans)
(Arnold groans)
(hatchet hacking) (Arnold groaning)
(hatchet hacking) (Arnold groaning)
(weapons hacking) (ragtime music continues)
(flesh squelches)
(weapons hacking) (ragtime music continues)
(flesh squelches)
(girl growls)
(flames roaring)
He was touched by God, he is sure
And he's made my poor heart soar
(distorted vocals from ragtime music)
(crickets chirping) (ominous music)
Fire me? How dare you fire me.
You're fired. (Urine splashing)
That's what I should've said.
Like, fuck you, Dan. Fuck you.
(intense eerie music)
(Jules gasps)
(urine splashing)
(blade whooshes) (Jules screams)
(Jules screams)
(flesh squelches)
(suspenseful music)
(fingers clicking)
- Hello?
Bueller? (Chuckles)
How can you take a nap at a time like this?
I'm speaking to the dead.
Right, are you happy?
She's speaking to the dead.
She is totally cuckoo.
I don't suppose you guys
brought up bazooka, huh?
Sadly, I left that at home.
Look, Jimbo and Jerry
said they was gonna be here.
As soon as they get
here, they can let us out,
and soon, this will all be over with.
Um, yeah.
About that.
(door scrapes open)
(body thumps)
Oops.
That is not how I wanted
to come outta the closet.
(intense eerie tones)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
Oh, my God!
Hide the camera there!
(suspenseful music continues)
Damn it, Jimmy! Not on me!
Point it there!
(intense eerie music) (Dan gasps)
(Dan groans)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(stairs creaking)
Sorry.
(Jerry gasps)
Where, where's Jimbo?
Where's Jimbo?
Stop.
(Jimbo gasps)
(Shawn pants)
Where's Jimbo?
Will you just...
(Shawn pants)
Where's Jimbo?
(ominous music)
You.
Me?
It's you!
They're the cause
of all of this!
We were just leaving.
Devour the sin. Feed the cure.
[Entities] Devour the sin! Feed the cure!
Devour the sin! Feed
the cure! (Jerry screams)
Devour the sin! Feed
the cure! (Jerry screams)
Devour the sin! Feed the cure!
(Red Ninja 1 coughs)
(Red Ninja 1 coughs)
(Red Ninja 1 pants)
Tony!
Tony!
(bones crunching)
(ominous music)
(light bulbs crackling)
(books clattering)
(eerie music)
(entity shrieking) (light bulb crackles)
(intense eerie music) (Red Ninja 1 screams)
Fuck!
Oh, shit!
Oh, God!
Help!
Come on!
(entity wheezing)
(Red Ninja 1 grunts)
(plunger thuds) (entity groans)
(entity croaking)
(Red Ninja 1 pants)
How's it taste, bitch?
(Red Ninja 1 sobs)
(Red Ninja 1 pants)
(Tony speaks foreign language)
There was this lady in the, in the...
She was...
(Tony speaks foreign language)
She came at me and I was
like, "Come get some", you know?
From now on, I wanna
be referred to Red Ninja 1.
She had white eyes and
she was all over me. It was-
And you are gonna be Red Ninja 2.
(intense eerie music)
(entity cackling)
I, I took the plunger, and I
was like, "Come get some!"
You know?
That doesn't matter to me.
(intense eerie music) (entity cackling)
'Cause when I talk to the boss,
you're fucked.
(entity cackling)
(intense eerie music) (entity cackling)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(Tony yells)
Oh, no.
I am fucked!
Watch where you're going, you dickhead!
(suspenseful music)
(radio bleeps)
(thunder claps)
(thunder claps)
(radio bleeps)
(hurried footsteps clacking)
(suspenseful music)
This is your plan?
You're gonna read to him?
Uh, you could just
cook something for him.
That would be a quicker death.
Oh, you know what? You know what?
(hands slapping)
My souffle is better than your souffle!
Enough!
I am sure she's gonna
do more than read to him.
I found it!
I found the passage I must read.
Oh, Jesus.
(suspenseful music)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(intense eerie tones)
[Nadia] Andreas! Hurry, damn it!
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(ominous music)
(light bulbs crackling)
Ah.
There you are.
We've been expecting you.
Um...
You have?
(ominous music continues)
Well...
What are you waiting for?
(serving trolley squeaking)
(ominous music continues)
(book thumps)
(pages flicking)
You.
It's you!
(pages flicking) (ominous music continues)
(machine bleeping)
Did you guys see that?
(machine bleeping)
Where did they go?
They're in the shadows now.
He knows we're here
and he's trying to stop us.
(machine bleeps rhythmically)
(brooding synth music)
(machine bleeps rhythmically)
(Frank mumbles)
(Frank mumbles)
(Frank mumbles)
You guys are gonna have
to look out for each other,
when I'm gone.
I just...
(Frank coughs)
You did this.
This is your fault.
This is your fault. (Light bulbs crackling)
We can't have the feast,
without the main course.
(eerie music)
(intense eerie music)
(Dale screams)
Dinner
is served!
(knife hacking) (eerie music continues)
You did this. (Light bulbs crackling)
(generator thumps)
(intense eerie music)
(intense eerie music continues)
This is all your fault!
Don't trust your eyes.
He's trying to stop us!
(tense music)
They're the cause
of all of this!
(tense music continues)
He's here!
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(tense music continues)
(Dr. Gift breathes heavily)
(gun fires)
Dagger of life, take haste, take hold!
(gun clicks)
Dagger of life, take haste, take hold!
Stabbing deep to awaken the soul!
(Clay groans)
(Aiden screams)
Dagger of life!
Take haste! Take hold!
Stabbing deep to awaken the soul!
(suspenseful music)
And that's not just any old pen.
That one has special powers. It's magic.
And one day, you're gonna write
the greatest story ever told with that pen.
Do you believe in magic?
(Dr. Gift groans) (dramatic music)
(rocks rumbling)
(entity roars)
(suspenseful music)
Gift.
Your time has come.
Gift.
(intense dramatic music)
(flames roaring)
(gentle synth music)
You know, we don't have a chance in hell
of selling this place.
(car door slams)
(grass rustling)
I'd like to make an offer.
You serious?
Sold!
But I did not say the price!
Doesn't matter. It's yours.
(keys clinking)
So, what are you gonna do, guys?
Well, I'm going back
to the city with him.
Figured it's time to say
goodbye to this place.
And I have a book to finish.
(moody synth music)
I have the money.
(moody synth music continues)
Bury me
So deep
So sweet
I wanted you to play a game
Come clean
Admit
Obscene
I need you to believe in me
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you, wanted you to know
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you, wanted you to know
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
(moody synth music continues)
Starry eyes
Starry lips
You eclipse
The darkness ain't hiding me
Such a taste
Such a face
You erase
Humanity inside of me
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you, wanted you to know
Doesn't have to be this way
On it we will go
The walls are falling down around
And I wanted you
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Part of me
Me, me
Me, me
Me, me