Dr. Seuss on the Loose (1973) Movie Script
- The Cat in the Hat...
- That's me.
...presents Dr. Seuss on the Loose.
A three-decker consisting
of, one, The Sneetches...
two, The Zax...
three, Green Eggs and Ham.
Oh, at the edge of each ocean
You'll always find beaches
Beautiful, glorious, florious beaches
When I meander
On peacefulish beaches
I frequently find myself thinking of
Sneetches
Snee, Snee
Did you say Sneetches?
Yes, S-N-double-E-T-C-H-E-S
Sneetches
Oh, S-N-double-E-T-C-H-E-S
Sneetches
Now, the Star-Bellied Sneetches
had bellies with stars.
But the Plain-Bellied Sneetches
had none upon thars.
No stars on their bellies,
no stars upon thars.
Now, those stars weren't so big,
they were really quite small.
You would think such a thing
wouldn't matter at all.
But because they had stars,
all the Star-Belly Sneetches would brag.
We're the best kind of Sneetch
on the beaches.
With their shoots in the air,
they would sniff and they'd snort.
They'd have nothing to do
with the Plain-Belly sort.
Ronald, remember,
when you are out walking...
you walk past a Sneetch of that type
without talking.
Keep your snoot in the air,
and remember to snort.
We have no truck whatever
with the Plain-Bellied sort.
When the Star-Bellied children
went out to play ball...
could a Plain-Belly get in the game?
Not at all.
You only could play
if your bellies had stars.
And the Plain-Belly children
had none upon thars.
Yeah, yeah, your belly's got no star
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, lovely little star
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, stupid little star
If there's one upon your tummy
That's just yummy, you're my chummy
If there isn't, you're a crummy
Slummy, gummy, bummy, dummy
That applies likewise
To your daddy and your mommy
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, lovely little star
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, stupid little star
When the Star-Belly Sneetches
had frankfurter roasts...
or picnics or parties
or marshmallow toasts...
they never invited
the Plain-Belly Sneetches.
They left them out cold
in the dark of the beaches.
From the heights of Muba Muba
To the gullies of Gazoo
There is nobody else who has one
We're the favorite few who do
And so a toast
Raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
A toast to the glorious gimmick-ick
That makes us what we are
Sound off and let the welcome ring
In praise of our exclusive thing
A toast, raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
A toast to your belly star
They kept them away,
never let them come near...
that's how they treated them
year after year.
They got snubbed, they got snooted,
their bottoms got booted.
But the Star-Bellied Sneetches
all taunted and hooted:
They just are not suited.
No stars upon thars.
Then one day it seems while
the Plain-Bellied Sneetches...
were moping and doping alone
on the beaches, just sitting there...
wishing their bellies had stars...
a stranger approached
in the strangest of cars.
My friends, I have seen
they've been treating you mean.
My name
is Sylvester McMonkey McBean.
I know precisely why you're so unhappy,
and that, I can fix.
I'm the Fix-it-Up Chappie.
My prices are low,
and I work with great speed.
And my work is 100 percent guaranteed.
By my new patent process
of polar-potoxis...
of the inner subnuclear
noosebomb nogoxis...
you will get a star
like the Star-Bellied Sneetch...
for the mere paltry payment
of $3 each.
A star? Here?
Yes, my friend. There.
And the first to go through
gets the trip at half fare.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
It works.
Yeah, it works. It works.
Them over there
They got stars upon thars
And we over here
We got stars upon ours
We got them also, we got them too
We're every little bitty bit
as goody good as you
Now we're socially acceptable
At marshmallow toasts
You'll have to send us invitations
To your frankfurter roasts
Stars, stars, bless our lucky stars
All the Sneetches on the beaches
Now got stars upon thars
Ladies and gentlemen, we are faced
with a most awkward dilemma.
We're the true Star-Bellies.
We had them first.
We're still the best Sneetches,
and they're still the worst.
- Yeah.
- But how are we going to prove it?
Which is which? I can't tell us apart.
Let me through.
Excuse me. Step aside please.
Thank you.
You don't know me, my friends,
but calm down if you can.
I'm here to help
the original Star-Belly clan.
Those upstarts, it's true,
now have stars just like you.
But follow me, my friends,
and you'll know what I'll do.
I'll make you again
the best Sneetches on the beaches.
And all it will cost you
is $10 eaches.
Belly stars, my dear friends,
are no longer in style.
And I'll have yours off
in a very short while...
in my wondrous machine
which eradicates stars.
Then you won't look like Sneetches
who have them on thars.
Eradicates these?
Eradicates these
with the greatest of ease...
provided you pay your 10 bucks,
if you please.
Here's 10 for the boy and 10 for me.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
How original.
How distinctive.
How exclusive.
Now we know who is who
And there isn't a doubt
The best kind of Sneetches
Are Sneetches without
The old-fashioned custom
Of walking about
With stars on your belly is O-U-T, out
Abdominal stars, we cannot abide
Abdominal stars are abominable
Abdominal, abominable
Abdominal stars are abominable
O-U-T, out
O-U-T, out
That old status symbol is O-U-T, out
Then, of course,
those with stars all got frightfully mad.
To be wearing a star now
was frightfully bad.
Then, of course,
old Sylvester McMonkey McBean...
invited them into his Star-Off Machine.
Thank you. Thank you.
Then, of course, from then on,
as you probably guessed...
things really got into a horrible mess.
All the rest of that day
on those wild screaming beaches...
the Fix-It-Up Chappie
kept fixing up Sneetches.
Off again, on again. In again, Out again.
Through the machines,
they raced round and about again...
changing their stars
every minute or two.
They kept paying money-
They kept running through until neither
the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew...
whether this one was that one
or that one was this one...
or which one was what one
or what one was who.
Then when every last cent
of their money was spent...
the Fix-It-Up Chappie packed up
and he went.
And he laughed
as he drove his car up the beach.
They never will learn.
No, you can't teach a Sneetch.
But McBean was quite wrong.
I am happy to say that the Sneetches
got really quite smart on that day.
That day they decided
that Sneetches are Sneetches...
and no kind of Sneetch
is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches
forgot about stars...
and whether they had one or not
upon thars.
A toast, raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
A toast to the silly gimmick-ick
That we have here and thar
Sound off and let the welcome ring
"So what?"
To your star-spangled thing
A toast, raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
And poo, poo, poo to your belly star
Oh, beyond the last mountain
The very last mountain
Beyond the last zynica-zanica tree
Beyond the last woomf bush
The very last woomf bush
There is a vaculous, vacant prairie
The prairie of Prax
And the tale of the Zax
One day, making tracks
in the prairie of Prax...
came a North-Going Zax.
A North-Going Zax...
and a South-Going Zax.
A North-Going Zax...
and a South-Going Zax.
And it happened that both of them
came to a place where they bumped.
There they stood,
foot-to-foot, face-to-face.
Look here now.
The North-Going Zax said.
Hey, say, you are blocking my path.
You are right in my way.
I'm a North-Going Zax
and I always go north.
Get out of my way now
and let me go forth.
Who's in whose way?
Snapped the South-Going Zax.
I always go south
making south-going tracks.
So you're in my way.
And I ask you to move...
and let me go south
in my south-going groove.
Then the North-Going Zax
said with North-Going pride:
I never have taken a step
to one side.
And I'll prove to you
that I won't change my ways...
if I have to keep standing here 59 days.
And I'll prove to you...
Yelled the South-Going Zax.
...that I can stand here in
the prairie of Prax for 59 years.
For I live by a rule that I learned as a boy
back in South-Going School:
Never budge, that's my rule.
Never budge in the least...
not an inch to the west,
not an inch to the east.
I'll stay here not budging,
I can and I will...
if it makes you and me
and the whole world stand still.
Well, of course,
the world didn't stand still.
The world grew.
In a couple of years,
the new highway came through.
And they built it right over
those two stubborn Zax...
and left them there, standing,
unbudged in their tracks.
Oh, I frequently think
Every now and then
Of the glorious fruit of the noble hen
Eggs, eggs
E-double-G-S, eggs
My knowledge of eggs
ls tremendously wide
I've eaten them boiled
I've eaten them fried
Poached and shirred
Deviled and scrambled
Hummeled, shmummeled
Cuddled and frammeled
I've eaten them beaten
Swizzled and swuzzled
Frizzled, cadizzled
Bamboozled and fuzzled
I know every way
That an egg can be guzzled
And thinking of eggs
Reminds me of Sam
Whose favorite dish
ls green eggs and ham
I am Sam.
Sam-I-Am.
That Sam-I-Am, that Sam-I-Am,
I do not like that Sam-I-Am.
Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
He does not like them, Sam-I-Am
He doesn't like, he doesn't like
Green eggs and ham
Would you like them here? Or there?
I would not like them here, or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
He doesn't like green eggs and ham
He doesn't like 'em
Would you like them in a house?
Would you like them with a mouse?
I would not like them in a house.
I would not like them with a mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
Green eggs and ham
He doesn't like green eggs and ham
He doesn't like 'em
He doesn't like green eggs and ham
Would you eat them in a box?
Would you eat them with a fox?
No, not in a box, not with a fox.
Not in a house, not with a mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
Yuch.
I would not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
Would you, could you, in a car?
Eat them, eat them, here they are.
I would not, could not in a car.
You may like them, you will see.
You may like them in a tree.
I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car, now let me be.
Not in a box, not with a fox,
not in a house, not with a mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
Sam, oh, Sam, oh, Sam-I-Am
He doesn't want 'em, doesn't need 'em
Wouldn't touch 'em, wouldn't eat 'em
Wouldn't like 'em here or there
Or any, any, any anywhere
Anywhere, anywhere
Could you, would you on a train?
No, not on a train, not in a tree,
not in a car, Sam, let me be!
Not in a box, not with a fox.
Not with a mouse, not in a house...
not here or there, not anywhere.
In the dark? Here in the dark?
- Would you, could you in the dark?
- Mm, ooh.
I would not, could not in the dark.
Would you, could you in the rain?
I would not, could not in the rain.
Not in the dark, not in a train,
not in a car, not in a tree.
I would not like them, Sam, you see.
Would you, could you with a goat?
I would not, could not with a goat.
I will not eat them here or there,
I would not eat them anywhere.
Would you, could you on a boat?
I would not, would not on a boat.
I will not, will not with a goat.
Not in the rain, not on a train.
Pshew.
You do not like them, so you say.
Try them, try them, and you may.
Try them, and you may, I say.
Sam, if you will let me be...
I will try them and you will see.
Mm, ooh. Mm.
Whoo! Say!
I like green eggs and ham.
I do, I like them, Sam-I-Am.
And I would eat them in a boat
And I would eat them with a goat
And I will eat them in the rain
And in the dark and on a train
And in the car and in a tree
They are so good, so good, you see
So I will eat them in a box
And I will eat them with a fox
He will them in a box
And he will eat them with a fox
And he will eat them in a house
And he will eat them with a mouse
And he will eat them here or there
Say, he will eat them anywhere
I do so like green eggs and ham.
Thank you, thank you, Sam-I-Am.
- That's me.
...presents Dr. Seuss on the Loose.
A three-decker consisting
of, one, The Sneetches...
two, The Zax...
three, Green Eggs and Ham.
Oh, at the edge of each ocean
You'll always find beaches
Beautiful, glorious, florious beaches
When I meander
On peacefulish beaches
I frequently find myself thinking of
Sneetches
Snee, Snee
Did you say Sneetches?
Yes, S-N-double-E-T-C-H-E-S
Sneetches
Oh, S-N-double-E-T-C-H-E-S
Sneetches
Now, the Star-Bellied Sneetches
had bellies with stars.
But the Plain-Bellied Sneetches
had none upon thars.
No stars on their bellies,
no stars upon thars.
Now, those stars weren't so big,
they were really quite small.
You would think such a thing
wouldn't matter at all.
But because they had stars,
all the Star-Belly Sneetches would brag.
We're the best kind of Sneetch
on the beaches.
With their shoots in the air,
they would sniff and they'd snort.
They'd have nothing to do
with the Plain-Belly sort.
Ronald, remember,
when you are out walking...
you walk past a Sneetch of that type
without talking.
Keep your snoot in the air,
and remember to snort.
We have no truck whatever
with the Plain-Bellied sort.
When the Star-Bellied children
went out to play ball...
could a Plain-Belly get in the game?
Not at all.
You only could play
if your bellies had stars.
And the Plain-Belly children
had none upon thars.
Yeah, yeah, your belly's got no star
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, lovely little star
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, stupid little star
If there's one upon your tummy
That's just yummy, you're my chummy
If there isn't, you're a crummy
Slummy, gummy, bummy, dummy
That applies likewise
To your daddy and your mommy
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, lovely little star
Twink, twink
Twinkle, twinkle, stupid little star
When the Star-Belly Sneetches
had frankfurter roasts...
or picnics or parties
or marshmallow toasts...
they never invited
the Plain-Belly Sneetches.
They left them out cold
in the dark of the beaches.
From the heights of Muba Muba
To the gullies of Gazoo
There is nobody else who has one
We're the favorite few who do
And so a toast
Raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
A toast to the glorious gimmick-ick
That makes us what we are
Sound off and let the welcome ring
In praise of our exclusive thing
A toast, raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
A toast to your belly star
They kept them away,
never let them come near...
that's how they treated them
year after year.
They got snubbed, they got snooted,
their bottoms got booted.
But the Star-Bellied Sneetches
all taunted and hooted:
They just are not suited.
No stars upon thars.
Then one day it seems while
the Plain-Bellied Sneetches...
were moping and doping alone
on the beaches, just sitting there...
wishing their bellies had stars...
a stranger approached
in the strangest of cars.
My friends, I have seen
they've been treating you mean.
My name
is Sylvester McMonkey McBean.
I know precisely why you're so unhappy,
and that, I can fix.
I'm the Fix-it-Up Chappie.
My prices are low,
and I work with great speed.
And my work is 100 percent guaranteed.
By my new patent process
of polar-potoxis...
of the inner subnuclear
noosebomb nogoxis...
you will get a star
like the Star-Bellied Sneetch...
for the mere paltry payment
of $3 each.
A star? Here?
Yes, my friend. There.
And the first to go through
gets the trip at half fare.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
It works.
Yeah, it works. It works.
Them over there
They got stars upon thars
And we over here
We got stars upon ours
We got them also, we got them too
We're every little bitty bit
as goody good as you
Now we're socially acceptable
At marshmallow toasts
You'll have to send us invitations
To your frankfurter roasts
Stars, stars, bless our lucky stars
All the Sneetches on the beaches
Now got stars upon thars
Ladies and gentlemen, we are faced
with a most awkward dilemma.
We're the true Star-Bellies.
We had them first.
We're still the best Sneetches,
and they're still the worst.
- Yeah.
- But how are we going to prove it?
Which is which? I can't tell us apart.
Let me through.
Excuse me. Step aside please.
Thank you.
You don't know me, my friends,
but calm down if you can.
I'm here to help
the original Star-Belly clan.
Those upstarts, it's true,
now have stars just like you.
But follow me, my friends,
and you'll know what I'll do.
I'll make you again
the best Sneetches on the beaches.
And all it will cost you
is $10 eaches.
Belly stars, my dear friends,
are no longer in style.
And I'll have yours off
in a very short while...
in my wondrous machine
which eradicates stars.
Then you won't look like Sneetches
who have them on thars.
Eradicates these?
Eradicates these
with the greatest of ease...
provided you pay your 10 bucks,
if you please.
Here's 10 for the boy and 10 for me.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
How original.
How distinctive.
How exclusive.
Now we know who is who
And there isn't a doubt
The best kind of Sneetches
Are Sneetches without
The old-fashioned custom
Of walking about
With stars on your belly is O-U-T, out
Abdominal stars, we cannot abide
Abdominal stars are abominable
Abdominal, abominable
Abdominal stars are abominable
O-U-T, out
O-U-T, out
That old status symbol is O-U-T, out
Then, of course,
those with stars all got frightfully mad.
To be wearing a star now
was frightfully bad.
Then, of course,
old Sylvester McMonkey McBean...
invited them into his Star-Off Machine.
Thank you. Thank you.
Then, of course, from then on,
as you probably guessed...
things really got into a horrible mess.
All the rest of that day
on those wild screaming beaches...
the Fix-It-Up Chappie
kept fixing up Sneetches.
Off again, on again. In again, Out again.
Through the machines,
they raced round and about again...
changing their stars
every minute or two.
They kept paying money-
They kept running through until neither
the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew...
whether this one was that one
or that one was this one...
or which one was what one
or what one was who.
Then when every last cent
of their money was spent...
the Fix-It-Up Chappie packed up
and he went.
And he laughed
as he drove his car up the beach.
They never will learn.
No, you can't teach a Sneetch.
But McBean was quite wrong.
I am happy to say that the Sneetches
got really quite smart on that day.
That day they decided
that Sneetches are Sneetches...
and no kind of Sneetch
is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches
forgot about stars...
and whether they had one or not
upon thars.
A toast, raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
A toast to the silly gimmick-ick
That we have here and thar
Sound off and let the welcome ring
"So what?"
To your star-spangled thing
A toast, raise your marshmallow stick
A toast, raise your good fellow stick
And poo, poo, poo to your belly star
Oh, beyond the last mountain
The very last mountain
Beyond the last zynica-zanica tree
Beyond the last woomf bush
The very last woomf bush
There is a vaculous, vacant prairie
The prairie of Prax
And the tale of the Zax
One day, making tracks
in the prairie of Prax...
came a North-Going Zax.
A North-Going Zax...
and a South-Going Zax.
A North-Going Zax...
and a South-Going Zax.
And it happened that both of them
came to a place where they bumped.
There they stood,
foot-to-foot, face-to-face.
Look here now.
The North-Going Zax said.
Hey, say, you are blocking my path.
You are right in my way.
I'm a North-Going Zax
and I always go north.
Get out of my way now
and let me go forth.
Who's in whose way?
Snapped the South-Going Zax.
I always go south
making south-going tracks.
So you're in my way.
And I ask you to move...
and let me go south
in my south-going groove.
Then the North-Going Zax
said with North-Going pride:
I never have taken a step
to one side.
And I'll prove to you
that I won't change my ways...
if I have to keep standing here 59 days.
And I'll prove to you...
Yelled the South-Going Zax.
...that I can stand here in
the prairie of Prax for 59 years.
For I live by a rule that I learned as a boy
back in South-Going School:
Never budge, that's my rule.
Never budge in the least...
not an inch to the west,
not an inch to the east.
I'll stay here not budging,
I can and I will...
if it makes you and me
and the whole world stand still.
Well, of course,
the world didn't stand still.
The world grew.
In a couple of years,
the new highway came through.
And they built it right over
those two stubborn Zax...
and left them there, standing,
unbudged in their tracks.
Oh, I frequently think
Every now and then
Of the glorious fruit of the noble hen
Eggs, eggs
E-double-G-S, eggs
My knowledge of eggs
ls tremendously wide
I've eaten them boiled
I've eaten them fried
Poached and shirred
Deviled and scrambled
Hummeled, shmummeled
Cuddled and frammeled
I've eaten them beaten
Swizzled and swuzzled
Frizzled, cadizzled
Bamboozled and fuzzled
I know every way
That an egg can be guzzled
And thinking of eggs
Reminds me of Sam
Whose favorite dish
ls green eggs and ham
I am Sam.
Sam-I-Am.
That Sam-I-Am, that Sam-I-Am,
I do not like that Sam-I-Am.
Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
He does not like them, Sam-I-Am
He doesn't like, he doesn't like
Green eggs and ham
Would you like them here? Or there?
I would not like them here, or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
He doesn't like green eggs and ham
He doesn't like 'em
Would you like them in a house?
Would you like them with a mouse?
I would not like them in a house.
I would not like them with a mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
Green eggs and ham
He doesn't like green eggs and ham
He doesn't like 'em
He doesn't like green eggs and ham
Would you eat them in a box?
Would you eat them with a fox?
No, not in a box, not with a fox.
Not in a house, not with a mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
Yuch.
I would not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
Would you, could you, in a car?
Eat them, eat them, here they are.
I would not, could not in a car.
You may like them, you will see.
You may like them in a tree.
I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car, now let me be.
Not in a box, not with a fox,
not in a house, not with a mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
Sam, oh, Sam, oh, Sam-I-Am
He doesn't want 'em, doesn't need 'em
Wouldn't touch 'em, wouldn't eat 'em
Wouldn't like 'em here or there
Or any, any, any anywhere
Anywhere, anywhere
Could you, would you on a train?
No, not on a train, not in a tree,
not in a car, Sam, let me be!
Not in a box, not with a fox.
Not with a mouse, not in a house...
not here or there, not anywhere.
In the dark? Here in the dark?
- Would you, could you in the dark?
- Mm, ooh.
I would not, could not in the dark.
Would you, could you in the rain?
I would not, could not in the rain.
Not in the dark, not in a train,
not in a car, not in a tree.
I would not like them, Sam, you see.
Would you, could you with a goat?
I would not, could not with a goat.
I will not eat them here or there,
I would not eat them anywhere.
Would you, could you on a boat?
I would not, would not on a boat.
I will not, will not with a goat.
Not in the rain, not on a train.
Pshew.
You do not like them, so you say.
Try them, try them, and you may.
Try them, and you may, I say.
Sam, if you will let me be...
I will try them and you will see.
Mm, ooh. Mm.
Whoo! Say!
I like green eggs and ham.
I do, I like them, Sam-I-Am.
And I would eat them in a boat
And I would eat them with a goat
And I will eat them in the rain
And in the dark and on a train
And in the car and in a tree
They are so good, so good, you see
So I will eat them in a box
And I will eat them with a fox
He will them in a box
And he will eat them with a fox
And he will eat them in a house
And he will eat them with a mouse
And he will eat them here or there
Say, he will eat them anywhere
I do so like green eggs and ham.
Thank you, thank you, Sam-I-Am.