Eat Brains Love (2019) Movie Script

Listen closely.
I've got less than a minute
to tell you
what you need to know.
Put your phones away
and pay attention.
Or you could end up
as someone's dinner.
All of this is classified.
Well, I guess it was,
until now.
Isolated cases
of a zombie virus
started popping up
around the country.
Yup. Zombies.
A small covert agency
was formed
to quietly contain it...
By any means necessary.
I was recruited,
along with others like me,
because of our...
I guess you could say,
special skills.
More on me later.
We still don't know
much about the virus,
or how it started.
All we do know is
it turns people into
zombie freaks who eat
all of your organs.
Even the nasty,
ugly ones.
Ew. Yuck.
And for all of you
who can't keep it
in your pants,
use protection.
Because it's transmitted
through sex.
Damn! You're sexy.
I can't believe
I'm hooking up with
the hottest girl in school.
I'm all yours, Jake Stephens.
What do you want
to do to me?
I really wanna eat you.
Are you biting me?
Am I doing this wrong?
I wish I could say
this was the most
disturbing thing
to happen to me today.
But it isn't even close.
Don't stop now.
You were about to get to
second base with your pillow.
That isn't it either.
What are you doing
in my room?
Need your
morning medicine?
You want a hit?
You're a great
role model.
Hi, Daddy.
I was helping Jake
get up.
Thank you, sweetheart.
You know that
career aptitude test
you took this week?
Yeah, Adam made his sheet
look like a vagina.
His parents must be proud.
Well, the results came in.
How'd I do?
You failed.
Failed a career test?
You're the first person
in the history of the test
to do it.
And you thought
Adam's parents were proud.
I'm serious, Jake.
It's not just the test.
The vice principal said
you show no interest
or appear to be
engaged in anything.
That's not true.
I have interests.
Like what?
You know that's not
what eating her out
means, right?
I don't think you do.
Poor dream Amanda.
As if hooking up with you
wasn't bad enough.
What are you guys
talking about?
How Jake can't even
dream about nailing Amanda
without fucking it up.
I could.
What the hell does she
see in Chazz Slade?
I mean, you only
don't like him 'cause
he's always shoving
your head in the toilet.
Yeah, obviously
that's why
I don't like him.
What the fuck
are you staring at?
Me? I wasn't staring.
Me and my friends
were just...
Just trying to get
my locker to...
It never opens.
Get to it and stop
eye fucking my girl.
I'm not your girl anymore.
Your locker, huh?
Hey, you know I, uh...
I really dug your speech
in class this morning.
The only time
I said anything
was when I asked to
go see the nurse
because my stomach hurt.
That's the one.
I, um...
My stomach's been
hurting, too,
so it really spoke to me.
How's this for a speech?
Let him go!
Nice chatting
with you, Chazz.
See you in class.
Thanks for bailing on me.
Check out Fernandez.
He cut holes in his pocket
so he can jerk off in class.
Kid's a fucking genius.
Good morning, students.
Today in class
we're gonna be
watching a movie.
No, no.
We're gonna watch a film
on the dangers of unsafe sex.
We're gonna see
some titties?
Now, come on.
This is mandated
by the U.S. government
for every grade level.
So it's my civic duty
to insist
that you all pay attention.
Try to learn something.
I'm so not in the mood
to watch this.
Why not?
You went bareback
with that punker chick from
Landmines the other night.
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh, no!
I poured Listerine
on my junk
when I got home.
It kills all the germs.
How does that feel?
Mr. DeCarlo.
You have something
you wanna share with
the rest of the class?
Jake does.
Why don't you tell
everyone the story about
stuffing your
unwrapped hotdog in
that girl's dirty buns?
Okay, okay.
Come on, come on.
Grow up.
After this film,
there's gonna be
a pop quiz
on why that
joke's not funny.
Keep your
thinking caps on.
Dude, not cool.
-You really think I got
something from her?
- Shh. Pay attention.
Meet your average
teenage boy.
That band sucked.
Am I right?
I'm drunk
and bored.
He thinks
he's going to get lucky.
But there's a price to pay
for a few seconds of pleasure.
This is the story of...
Jake's mistake.
Of course
his name is Jake.
What was in
that weed I smoked
this morning?
Jake's just met
a sexual wildcat on the prowl.
We'll call her Mazzy.
Have you got a condom?
Mazzy says she doesn't
believe in condoms.
And Jake doesn't believe
in saying no to anyone willing
to have sex with him.
Sure it feels good now.
Really good.
So good.
But I bet Jake won't
feel so good the next day
when he looks down
his pants and sees this.
Don't be like Jake.
What the fuck's
wrong with him?
Oh, he's convinced that
Mazzy girl from STD University
gave him AIDS.
What were you
supposed to do?
Not have sex with her?
Was that an option?
I'd be more worried
about knocking her up.
At least pregnancy
is an easy fix.
I mean, anyone that
let Jake nail her
has probably got
a "buy two and get one free"
punch card
at the abortion clinic.
Oh, fuck. Here comes
Head-Cam Harold.
Have you seen Mr. Robot?
She's missing.
What's with all
the missing dogs lately?
Have you seen Mr. Robot?
She's missing.
It's called Itty Bitty Twitty.
It's like Twitter's
adorbs little baby.
But instead of
140 characters,
you only get 20.
Cuts out all
the boring small talk.
What do you think,
You want to be
on the Itty Bitty Twitty
That's the worst idea
I've ever heard.
People don't use Twitter
for small talk.
They use it for, like,
important statements
and stuff.
A simple no
would have been fine.
I'm sorry.
I haven't been
feeling well.
I can tell.
You look terrible.
Think those two
ever hook up?
Of course.
Why else would you join
the cheerleaders, right?
You know, that shit
doesn't happen in real life.
Wanna bet?
I'd love to say
this was another dream
or hallucination,
but this was
really happening.
And if Amanda Blake
was doing it,
who was I to say no?
Come on, come on,
we got to get out of here!
And that's when
it happened.
Dude, what's wrong
with your face?
For the record,
this is the most
disturbing thing that
happened today.
Hello again.
You've seen
a couple of teenagers
eat a bunch of people
and make a big,
bloody mess.
Finally, it's my time
to enter the picture.
Remember the whole
secret government
agency thing?
Well, here we go.
Hmm. Meatloaf.
Must be weird
to be back in high school.
Hmm. Mine had
way fewer corpses.
Tom's my partner.
He acts super serious
all the time,
because he thinks
we're saving humanity.
I guess we kind of are.
hunting necrotics as
your career choice.
I mean, the government
gave me a choice.
This or jury duty.
So I went with
hunting necros.
We like to call
zombies necrotics,
because it makes us
sound smarter.
Highest body count
we've ever had.
Hey, is that
an honor student,
or an eggplant parmesan
in a crew neck?
Quit being morbid
and get a handle on this,
all right?
He's not always such
a Debbie Downer.
Hey, we kinda look
like twins, don't we?
The resemblance
is uncanny.
Think she got a video?
Make our job easier.
Let's see.
Looks like we're doing it
the old-fashioned way.
What's her
fucking problem?
Itty Bitty Twitty
is a great idea.
Better than Gone Pom,
her pompom tracking app.
Who am I kidding?
That idea was awesome.
She's awesome.
Oh, my God.
Is she trying to kiss me?
I... didn't know
Amanda was...
There were two of them.
At least we know
why he was so hungry.
Yeah, we should put out
an APB to every 7-Eleven
and taco truck in the area.
Sorry, Adam.
-Funny, tasty son of a bitch.
"Funny, tasty
son of a bitch."
What was that?
Uh, nothing.
Uh, I made a connection.
Hopefully they're
still together.
They can be
easier to track.
Let's go kill
some necros.
I can't really
explain it,
but I didn't get
the typical necro vibe
from Jake.
Maybe it's because
he was my age, or...
Or maybe I was getting
a psychic high
from his vaporizer.
But, look,
whatever it was,
he felt less
like a monster,
and more like someone
I might have been friends
with in high school.
Too bad he had to die.
Jake! Wake up!
Holy shit.
Am I dreaming again?
What the fuck!
What happened?
You don't remember?
I remember you kissing
Cindy Flemming.
You guys like
a couple now, or...
I wasn't kissing her.
Okay, I think
I passed out.
'Cause I had this
really freaky dream.
It wasn't a dream.
We ate our friends.
Look, there's no way
we ate our friends.
That just doesn't happen.
Then how do you explain
the fact that we're both
covered in blood?
Or that dead guy
over there?
Do you need more proof?
This was on the ground
next to you.
You probably could have
led with this.
We're fucking zombies.
The only person that
believes in zombies
is my crazy brother.
And he also believes
that aliens
sank the Titanic.
Whoa. So the alien spaceship
made of ice or something?
Or how...
Okay, fine.
Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Then how would
you explain it?
I don't know.
We need to
get out of here.
Where are we going?
We're covered in blood
right next to a dead guy!
That's a good point.
I didn't know
you took auto shop.
My dad taught me this.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is kind of a mom car.
Can we steal a sportscar
or something?
We need to go, now.
All right, fine.
But I'm driving.
Well, this
shouldn't be too hard.
He doesn't seem
all that smart.
Kinda goofy actually.
You know that kid in school,
always made jokes,
never gave a shit?
I'm sorry. I know.
Rule one, never humanize
the target.
What's that?
It's a stick shift,
you idiot!
He just ate.
So his heart's beating again.
He'll get hungry
again soon.
Then he won't seem
so fucking human.
Should we call for backup?
After their all-you-can-eat
lunchroom orgy?
I'm not taking any chances.
Whoa, whoa, Officer.
Don't shoot.
I said don't shoot, asshole.
No wonder
nobody likes cops.
-You all right?
You okay?
Why isn't he eating
my spleen right now?
Uh... Yeah.
It's bad, huh?
Uh, um...
No one will notice.
That's right.
I'm fixing the hoodie of
a flesh-eating cannibal.
But he asked
if I was okay.
Boys who are alive
never ask if I'm okay.
Put your eye back in
your head and get in
the goddamn car.
Come on!
We're here to help you.
How does it look?
Not bionic,
but fine otherwise.
-Don't worry about me.
We need to shut this
down fast.
I heard they're
sending Alastaire.
In training we called him
Creepy Mr. Bowtie.
Don't ever let him
hear you say that.
Still no luck tracking them?
No, the force is
no longer strong
with Darth Vaper.
I lost the connection
and there was nothing
at the parking lot.
And no idea who
helped them?
Not a clue.
He, um...
He talked to me.
Who did?
The boy necro.
I mean, this is
the first time I've ever
been so close to one.
He even kind of smiled.
Probably because
he saw his dinner.
What the hell you thinking?
You know what
they're capable of.
I'm sorry, I...
Come on. We got a full night
of Incident Management.
Incident Management?
Why don't they just
call it what it is?
Oh, you think they'd
prefer to remember?
You look amazing.
I mean, you're...
You're healed.
Like, two eyes
and everything.
You, too.
Motherfucker, I'm Wolverine!
He's one of the X-Men.
He has healing powers.
I know who Wolverine is.
I had a huge crush on him
in Les Mis.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we're not zombies.
Maybe we're some
Superheroes don't
eat their friends.
Do you remember
how we got here?
Yeah. I think
a couple of lesbians
brought us.
How do you know
they were lesbians?
One of them was
carrying a wrench.
You're an idiot.
Either of you fucking noobs
try anything shady,
I will not hesitate to
put an arrow through
your brain.
And believe me,
you won't get up
from that.
I'm Summer
and this is Grace.
Oh, good.
You found the clothing
I left you.
Um, and these
should fit you.
I am so sorry for the way
everything was handled.
But thankfully we got to you
before it was too late.
I think it's a sign
that the universe
is protecting you.
Or we heard about
the attack on our scanner
and found you before
the NCD finished the job.
The Necrotic Control Division.
They hunt down
people like us.
Anyone infected with
the zombie virus.
So it's true?
We're zombies?
-We all are.
It's caused
by a virus?
How did I get it?
Nobody bit me.
It's transmitted
through sex.
-So you can thank him.
-I wish.
Is your boyfriend retarded?
He's not my boyfriend.
I got it from
somebody else.
You corrected her on that,
but you didn't correct her
about the retarded part.
We're not zombies now.
What makes us freak out
and eat people?
Anything that
gets your adrenaline going.
Hunger and fear
are the usual triggers.
Among other things.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
So eating people
makes it go away?
Not away,
more like into remission.
Well, if it's a virus,
there's got to be a cure.
So that's it?
It just comes and goes
like herpes of the undead?
That's one way
of putting it.
You're both
welcome to stay here
for the night.
We have TV, blankets
and pillows,
and help yourself to
more rodents if you feel
yourself starting to turn.
It's not the same
as eating people,
but it will keep you
from changing for a while.
Thank you.
See you in the morning.
-You're lucky.
-I feel lucky.
Okay, can we take a minute
to acknowledge the fact
that I was right about
the zombies and
the lesbians?
Are you happy now?
Right this way.
When can I go home?
We just need to talk
to you about
what happened today.
But it all
happened so fast.
You probably think
that going into
people's minds
is an invasion of
privacy or something.
But 99% of what I see
these kids have already
posted on Instagram.
The surface thoughts
are the easiest.
Why is this weird girl
staring at me?
Why is she dressed like
she's in a Miss Hot
Janitor Contest?
And typically
the most useless.
Luckily, the attack
just happened,
so the memory shouldn't
be buried too deep.
The next step is
to manipulate her memory.
A zombie outbreak would
cause mass panic.
a school shooting?
Very sadly, just another
mundane America.
Another high school shooting
occurred this month...
That's bullshit.
They used my
junior high picture?
Amanda Blake,
frustrated popular girl,
and her secret unpopular
boy toy Jacob Stephens,
hatched a plan
to get revenge
on a school
that never
took them seriously.
Guns bought on the Internet,
a cold-blooded
killing spree,
a cowardly escape.
I am not that unpopular,
all right?
I have friends.
Or had friends.
And you, my boy toy?
Oh, now they've
really gone too far.
According to authorities,
the two suspects are
now in custody.
Wait, why do they
want people to think
they caught us?
The people chasing us
weren't trying to catch us.
They were trying
to kill us.
I don't think that girl was.
What girl?
The one who looked like
a cuter Ripley from Aliens.
Anyway, this reeks
of a cover-up.
My brother was right.
It's horrible.
I can't believe
my son was involved.
Thanks, Dad.
He's just not smart enough
to plan something like this.
Or anything.
Thanks, Dad.
You know, I think maybe
you're a little bit smarter
than what your dad
gives you credit for.
That's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
Not fair.
I always thought
you were funny.
You thought about me?
We've gone
to school together
for four years.
I can't help
but think about you
from time to time.
So, um,
what do you think?
That you were funny.
I literally
just told you that.
I know you've
been through a lot,
but I just need to ask you
a few questions.
I understand
you were dating
Amanda Blake.
I am dating her.
Do you have
a problem with that?
Were you aware
of her relationship
with Jake Stephens?
There's no way
she was fucking that geek.
I didn't know Amanda,
but this jersey with a head
seemed more her type
than Jake.
Shit. Why am I thinking
about Jake?
Focus, Cass.
Okay, Chazz,
what brilliant thoughts
have you got for me?
This guy better
stop lying about Amanda,
or I'll eat him!
-Tom, look out!
Well, that was new.
No, Tom is getting patched up.
He's gonna be fine.
Hello, Cassandra.
Do you remember me?
Creepy Mr. Bowtie.
-Yes, sir.
-Please, call me Alastaire.
It was very impressive
what you did back there.
You've come a long way
since your training.
I don't even know
what I did.
Oh, it feels like someone
drove an ice pick through
my skull.
Don't worry,
it gets easier.
You know,
most telepaths take years
to develop
cogno manipulative skills.
To do what you did
with a necrotic
at your age...
You've got
a very bright future
ahead of you at NCD.
-Is Chazz dead?
Thanks to you,
he's preserved for study.
Do you know where
the other two necrotics are?
Since you're the one
who made the connection,
you're the only one
who can track them down.
Think you can handle that?
Yes, sir. I just need
something that belonged
to them.
I've got one of his books.
You know, this should
gross me out,
but it looks delicious.
I know what you mean.
Like, I know
you're holding
a rat right now,
but all I see
is a nacho with a tail.
Wouldn't picturing
a gummy rat make more sense?
Eh, never liked those.
Made me feel like
I was eating a rat.
Its squeals for help
are, kind of,
killing my appetite.
Seeing red
Here we go again
Up in your face
Breaking plates
In the zone again
A little heat
Yeah, that's how I like it
Push and pull
Punching holes
Now, the fire's lit
It's a twisted game
But I love it
I love it
It's so insane
Yet I love it
Um, I couldn't find them.
I don't think
he ever used this.
I see.
Let's try tomorrow.
Perhaps we'll find something
that's more important to him.
Meanwhile, you rest up.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Morning, sleepy head.
Summer was just about
to tell me
how she and Grace met.
We met
right by the Iowa border.
Ah. The potato state.
How romantic.
That's Idaho, dumbass.
We had heard
there were people
like us in Iowa.
There were even rumors
of a cure.
It was all bullshit.
Not all.
There was no cure,
but there were zombies.
Only they weren't
nice like us.
My brother's
always been convinced
that Iowa was full
of zombies.
It was awful.
Death everywhere,
zombie gangs
killing each other
when NCD agents
weren't killing them.
We were lucky
to get out with our lives.
I made Grace promise
that would never happen to us.
Since then, we've tried
to live under the radar.
You know, just keeping
to ourselves,
eating animals
for as long as we can.
Until the hunger
gets too strong.
And then what?
Meet Franklin.
Rapist and pedophile.
You got a picture
of the kid?
What was he doing?
Something you may have
trouble with for a while.
Never mind.
It's all dead ends here.
All right, I gotta
let Alastaire know.
He won't be happy.
How's the arm?
Still attached
to my shoulder,
thanks to you.
I am so sorry.
I should have noticed
the signs of necrotization
-I'm not complaining.
You saved my life, Cass.
Thank you.
Now, don't stop
on my account.
Keep looking.
At least my family thinks
I'm doing something important.
His family thinks
he's a monster.
Yeah, he ate
his best friend's stomach.
Most necro minds
are like a cold,
dark freezer,
but Jake's is, like,
bathing in a warm fountain
of melted cheese.
You're on
a first-name basis
with the target now?
It's Alastaire.
He says he's sending a car
to pick you up.
He has something
that'll help you
find the kid.
Word of advice,
don't lie to him again.
Do you trust him?
He wants
to save the world
from being eaten by necros.
Imagine what'll happen
if he fails.
Everything looks very nice.
It's just like Thanksgiving.
Thank you.
Just because we're zombies
doesn't mean
we can't be civilized.
Uh, I think he's trying
to say something.
You have made a mistake.
I volunteer
at the homeless shelter.
I deliver pills
to the elderly.
Huh. Then, uh...
what is this for?
Wait, wait, wait.
That's your proof
he's a pedophile?
I mean, that just
makes him lame.
Ooh, that's not good!
That's just stuff.
I haven't done anything!
That's what
you told the principal
at North Valley
Middle School.
Hell yes!
They couldn't prove shit!
We heard.
But here's the thing,
we believe those kids.
Okay, you got me!
I can't help myself!
I'm sick!
-We're sick, too.
-And hungry.
So, this one is good
for scraping the meat out
from under the ribs.
And this one is great
if you want to get
to those hard-to-reach places
under the jaw.
Use this if you wanna
pop a spleen.
What? Let me go!
I know people
in the police...
That's why we don't
take out the gags.
All right.
We're not animals.
Should we say something
before we dig in?
Nice idea.
Thank you, O' Lord,
for this bountiful blessing
you've placed before us.
Screw it! Let's eat!
-Dick's all yours.
-Thank you?
Um, are you scared?
I'm starving!
You wanted to see me?
Please remember to stay
behind the yellow line.
I have
to thank you again
for capturing him alive.
I was beginning to run out
of test subjects.
Test subjects for what?
Something I've been working on
for quite some time.
I call it The Pavlov.
Chazz, kneel.
You see, Cass,
we've been able
to turn around
this atrocity of a situation
to our advantage.
As destructive
as necrotics are,
they are still basically
just like animals.
Like any animal,
they can be trained.
The Pavlov gives Chazz
a good behavior reward,
so he begins
to bond with me.
His mutating DNA
develops an affinity for mine.
And then,
once he's trained,
he can be used
to fight each other
or, well, whatever
we want.
Why would you do that?
The necrotics,
they are a lost cause.
But think of a defense force
or even a labor force
that is completely
beholden to us.
The Stephens boy
doesn't have to die.
He can be yours
to do with as you please.
All you have to do
is just tell me
where he is.
I already told you
I don't know where he is.
That's too bad.
I'm sorry
I have to do this,
but I'm here
to save lives.
Have you met
Jake's sister, Kelly?
What's she doing here?
Everything is going
to be fine.
But I have to caution you
to please stay behind
the yellow line.
She doesn't know anything!
But you do!
Are you going
to tell me or...
Help me!
Jake Stephens and the girl
are at a house
eighty miles
outside Governor's Crossing
on Route 64.
The truth.
Good Chazz.
Good Cass.
They're, uh, getting
pretty into it.
A little too into it.
I wonder what's for dessert.
I'm not sure
I wanna stay and find out.
-What, you wanna leave?
-You don't?
We're safe here.
I mean, there's
free food, free TV.
I think I saw an old
Nintendo 64 downstairs.
Jake, the NCD will
never stop looking for us.
We need to find
my brother in Illinois.
Why? Thought you said
he was crazy.
My definition
of crazy has changed
in the last 24 hours.
He knew about zombies in Iowa.
If there's a cure,
maybe he'll know
about that, too.
Grace said
the cure was bullshit.
Just because
they didn't find one
doesn't mean
it doesn't exist.
Haven't you ever seen
a zombie movie?
The cure never exists.
Fine. Stay here.
Maybe we're not as good
a team as I thought.
Wait, we're a team?
are now an asset
"better preserved
than eliminated."
He's turning them into
necro slaves, you know.
"Only terminate
if under threat
of mortal danger."
I'll go along
with that part.
Jake had two futures,
end up dead, or worse,
be some kind of zombie pet.
I didn't have much time.
Amanda Blake wants to go
on a road trip with you,
and you said no.
Are you insane?
Government agents
are out there
trying to kill you
and you want to leave.
Are you insane?
All right,
come on, Jake,
make a decision
about something.
Let's get this over with.
Are they in there?
Move out!
I consider myself
in mortal danger.
We're supposed
to take them alive.
That look like
an asset to you?
House is clear.
My team will secure
the necrotic.
Where are the other two?
They must have escaped.
Weird to think
that whoever owned this car
a week ago
became a midnight snack
for a pair of lesbian zombies
-in a country kitchen.
What did they put
in the care package?
Uh, some more clothes,
uh, of course
the snacks,
and a map of people to eat.
Who knew the sexual
offender registry
could be so useful?
No kidding.
There's more sex offenders
than McDonald's.
It's like Yelp
for zombies.
I'm glad you decided
to come with me.
Well, uh, you made
some good points.
And when I was in the house,
I could have sworn
I saw that cute
government girl,
like, warning me to leave.
The Ripley chick?
I mean, it was probably
just my imagination,
but it scared
the crap out of me.
So, I didn't
get you to leave, she did.
It was a team effort.
Want some advice?
Girls don't
usually like it
when you fantasize
about other girls.
I'm sorry.
Want to hear
all the fantasies
I've had about you?
No, thanks.
Are there a lot?
More than I care to admit.
I promise you that
they were all very tasteful.
Too bad.
At least now we know
who helped them.
You want to explain
what happened here?
Mmm. Creepy Mr. Bowtie
wanted two necros,
we found two necros.
Just different ones.
I'm not handing over Jake
so Alastaire can turn him
into a zombie pet.
All right,
maybe I agree with you
about the pet thing,
but it's still our job
to contain these monsters.
Stop calling him a monster.
Did you ever think
maybe we're just hunting
sick people?
But it makes you so sick
that you would rip
someone's daughter to shreds
right in front of them.
I can still hear
her sweet little girl voice.
Daddy, why is this man
eating me?
Jeez, Tom,
stop being
such a pussy.
I'm sorry about
Kimberly, but...
But Jake wouldn't do that.
Really? 'Cause there's
a bunch of kids
from his high school
who would disagree
if they could.
More strange and dark details
emerging from eastern
New Jersey tonight,
at the home
of Dick Cheney High School
senior Chazz Slade,
where the mutilated bodies
of his family
have just been discovered.
That wasn't us, right?
Nope. Chazz is a zombie.
I thought
he was just an asshole.
Oh, yeah, he is.
I knew that asshole
was cheating on me.
And here's the proof.
He gave me the virus.
I'm a fucking zombie
because of Chazz.
You sure?
I mean, he was already
top contender
for most likely
to murder his family.
He's the only guy
I've ever been with.
But you're Amanda Blake.
Every guy in school
wants to bone you.
So, I must have let them?
No, no. I mean, no.
I'm just, like,
why Chazz?
You're not gonna get this,
but it was like
it was expected.
You've seen him.
It was high school.
It's not like I'm looking
to get married.
You think I'm superficial.
If the captain
of the cheerleaders
asked me out,
I'd jump at the chance.
You know I'm talking
about you, right?
Yes, I'm aware
I'm the captain
of the cheerleaders.
Or was the captain, anyway.
What about you?
How did you catch
the virus?
You're not gonna
get this, but...
I'm serious.
Who was it?
Terry Adams?
The girl
that sniffs her hands?
Come on.
Give me a little credit.
Then who?
You won't know her.
She was from out of town.
Normally, I'd call
someone a virgin
if they told me that.
But here we are.
Zombie Jake, ladies' man.
I'm getting hungry.
You want something to eat?
I'll never say no
to a road rat.
I don't think
we have enough rats
to get us to Kyle's.
Well, that's what
Grace's map is for.
Here, take a look.
Yeah, but I don't think
I'm cut out
to be some sort of
zombie vigilante.
That sounds awesome.
Amanda, we're gonna
have to eat someone.
You know, and isn't it better
to be munching on
these creeps
than getting all bitey
around some, I don't know,
doctor about to cure cancer?
I don't think
I can make those choices.
My dad used to run
a stolen car chop shop.
Would he be
on Grace's list?
Well, what if we only eat
the worst of the worst?
Jake, we're talking
about eating people.
We are the worst
of the worst.
Yeah, but we can't help that.
You know, at least
with this map,
it gives us
a little bit of control.
I guess.
If we just ate
whoever we could
end up eating.
A fireman
about to save a baby.
Or a rescue worker
in Haiti.
We're nowhere near Haiti.
Look, let's make a deal.
How about
we won't eat anyone
unless we both agree?
-We're not zombie vigilantes.
Zombie bounty hunters.
We'll decide the name later.
Come on!
Come on, honey
You know what you do, yeah
Everybody knows
One or two like you, yeah
If you wanna fall in love
Or just mess around
Sure enough, honey
Couldn't bring me down
Nobody does it like she does
I can't seem to
Get away from you, girl
And everything
That you say I do, girl
Nobody does it
Like she does...
Maybe we should stop
for the night.
Stop where?
There's nothing out here.
That's kind of the point.
We're all over the news.
If anyone were to see us,
they'd call the cops,
or worse, the NCD.
I found this
in the clown's apartment.
Wanna see if zombies
can get high?
I love you.
I mean, yes.
maybe Tom's daughter
was eaten alive
at soccer practice,
but that wasn't Jake.
who are you kidding?
Everybody else can see it,
so just admit it.
You like him.
Wait, does that make me
a necrophiliac?
And I'm pretty sure
if Jake knew me
before all of this,
he would've
liked me, too.
I wonder what he's doing
right now.
If I told you last week
that we were gonna turn into
cannibal zombies,
what would you have thought?
I would have thought,
"Holy shit. Amanda Blake
is talking to me."
-I talk to you.
-I know.
And every time I thought,
"Holy shit. Amanda Blake
is talking to me."
Isn't it weird to think
that things will never be
normal again?
I mean, it's Friday night.
I was supposed to be
cheering at the game,
and then hit
an after-party,
instead I'm here eating rats
with Jake Stephens.
Strangest date ever.
This is a date? Damn.
Wish I had known.
I would have worn
my fancy red hoodie
with a big eyeball
and "hype" written
across the front.
What would you be doing
if you hadn't turned
into a zombie?
Honestly, this
and video games.
Sad thing is,
I was kind of
looking forward to it.
So, let's play a game.
How about
fuck, marry, kill?
Hmm. For us, it has to be
fuck, marry, eat.
Works for me.
-Give me three names.
Mr. Dipietro, Chazz,
and my friend Adam.
Marry Mr. Dipietro,
because he's scared
of girls,
and he wouldn't touch me.
Eat Chazz
because he's the reason
I eat people now.
And I guess
fuck your friend.
I don't like this game.
Too bad. Your turn.
Uh, Mr. Dipietro,
lunch lady Linda,
and that little NCD slut.
Yeah, marry Mr. Dipietro
because it's probably
the only way
I'll pass his class
at this point.
Fuck lunch lady Linda,
'cause free fries
and eat
the NCD chick.
Good answer.
Do you know how long
I've wanted to do this?
What the fuck?
I think
I just made Jake
puke on Amanda.
For the record,
that was the most
disturbing thing
I'd seen all week.
I swear
that has never
happened to me.
Stop apologizing.
Can we not talk about it
in, like, ever again?
Can you hand me
something to eat?
There's no more.
Oh, I'm starting to get
the zombie munchies, too.
Check the map.
I need to eat
a rapist now.
Oh, there's
not really much
around here. Uh...
"Miss Sophia,
a Spanish teacher
"who blew
a 17-year-old boy."
Does Miss Sophia
need to die?
I mean, the kid kinda
looks happy, too.
Hello? Come on.
What the fuck?
-What about this douchebag?
-What did he do?
-He's on our ass.
He's texting.
And he's pissing me off.
What the fuck
is wrong with you, man?
No, Jonathan, no.
Why didn't you call me?
My God.
He looks like
he's been turned
inside out!
Promise me
he can't become
one of Alastaire's pets.
Okay, I'll find him.
You sure
your brother
won't call the cops
when we show up
at his door?
Kyle hates
all authority
and government figures.
He thinks
they framed our dad.
So, he believes
in zombies
and hates
all government.
Sounds awesome.
Kyle. It's me. Amanda.
Prove it. What does your
first boyfriend call you?
Handy Mandy.
Jake Stephens.
The second shooter,
the unpopular boy toy.
-Oh, really?
-It's a lie.
-We didn't
shoot anybody?
-I know.
The news said
they had you in custody,
but they never
showed you arrested.
What really happened?
I knew it.
You knew
we were zombies?
Well, at first,
I thought you found out
that your vice principal
was selling
special-needs students
as sex slaves
and he had
you eliminated.
Zombies was
my second guess.
I've know
about the epidemic
for a while now.
Do you know
if there's a cure?
One of my contacts
sent me this
a while back.
This is Grandfather,
in what might be
my last transmission.
As of now,
I'm trapped in Des Moines
where the necrotics
are growing restless.
They've become organized
and it's just
a matter of time
before they do something...
But most importantly,
I've done what you said
was impossible, Alastaire.
I found a cure.
-How far is Iowa?
-We'll leave first thing
in the morning.
Kyle, you don't have
to come with us.
I've been waiting
for the right sign
to get me out of here.
Never thought
it'd be you.
We're getting close.
You're doing
the right thing.
They can't stop
even if they want to.
Still, Jake's gonna die
because of me.
Jake is already dead.
Turn here.
I think my brother's
afraid of me.
Kyle? No way.
He locked
his bedroom door
and he put his dresser
right in front of it.
He probably
does that every night.
We're gonna
stick to the plan.
Your plan.
We came to see
if your brother
knew about a cure
and he did.
Now you and me
are going to find it.
Thanks, Jake.
I don't know
how I could eat
all those people
without you.
Don't say anything, dude.
You'll only mess it up.
Just look
at her and smile.
You can sleep
next to me if you want.
Thanks, brain,
I should listen to you
more often.
So, what's the first thing
you're gonna do
after you're cured?
and go to a spa
to get the most
aggressive mani-pedi
known to man.
Anything to get
the gunk out
from under my nails.
That's so deep.
I'm not finished.
Then I'm going
to make it my mission
to change
how the world
views zombies.
I'm going
to tell everyone
about the virus
-and expose
the bastards...
...that are trying
to hide it.
All right,
so, first, spa day,
then zombie activist.
And I'm never eating
meat again.
Hardcore vegan
all the way.
What about you?
I'm gonna find the best
vegan restaurant in the world
and then I'm gonna
take you out to dinner.
-After you shower,
but before your
Equality For Zombies campaign.
What if Grace is right
and the cure is bullshit?
We could be
going to Iowa
for no reason.
Then we'd just be like
every other person
that's going to Iowa.
I'm more worried
that the cure is real
and you won't have
to hang out with me anymore.
I don't have
to hang out with you now.
I want to.
So, we'll still hang out
post zombie?
We're a team.
You're not gonna
puke on me again, are you?
Only if you
want me to.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There you go.
Good Chazz.
That won't happen to Jake.
Just make sure
they're inside.
You're so fucking hot,
I've wanted this
for so long.
Please stop talking.
They won't see you coming.
Not unless
you're between
Amanda's legs.
Thomas, stand down.
Watch the future.
-What was that?
My friends high-fiving
in heaven?
I'll check in a minute,
maybe less.
Come on!
Oh, my God,
you psycho stalker.
That's for dunking
my head in the toilet, Chazz.
That's for cheating on me
with some zombie slut
and turning me
into a zombie.
What the hell is happening?
Is it an alien invasion?
Oh, right, zombies.
He didn't
come here alone.
The NCD is outside.
They'll never get in.
I've been
preparing for this
my whole life.
I've got guns,
bombs, provisions.
Everything we need
to withstand a siege.
We could last
for years in here.
We need to get him help.
How? We can't get out.
Chazz, you big dumb fuck.
You're finally going
to do something useful.
That's the wrong one.
Go. Go get him. Up.
Shit, it's a diversion.
- Tom,
don't... don't shoot him.
What the fuck, Cass?
Have you
completely lost it?
There's gotta
be another way.
Jake, go!
You bitch.
You're fucking awful.
You're blind!
Your brother's afraid of you.
and God
that was a stupid idea!
And you don't
deserve Jake!
What's gonna
happen to him?
Incident Management protocol.
We don't need any more
unnecessary casualties.
You mean like Tom?
I am sorry.
Your partner
was a good soldier.
As we move forward
on our new mission,
that won't happen again.
Count me out.
I found your zombie.
She's tied up
in a bow. I quit.
I only see one prisoner.
I assume you know
how to count to two.
-You let him go.
You find him yourself.
No one quits the NCD.
I'm losing patience.
Tell me where the boy is
or I'll just rip it out
out of your
little brain,
and if
that happens,
things will get very,
very ugly.
Okay, you want to play?
I'm not afraid of you.
I'm stronger than you.
That's why you need me.
Really misjudged
that one, Cass.
You don't think I'd ever
really let you go.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Jake, what are you doing?
Amanda needs you.
Don't worry, Amanda.
-We're gonna get to Iowa.
We're gonna get cured.
You're okay.
You're the NCD girl,
the one that's been
hunting us.
Well, not anymore.
Now they're hunting me, too.
Have you seen the girl
I was with?
-Yeah, she's back
in the house.
Wait. Hey.
Amanda's not in here
and neither is Kyle.
Did the NCD take them?
What are they
gonna do to them?
Well, they'll erase
Kyle's memory.
He won't remember
what happened.
-And Amanda, did they...
-No, she's alive.
-They're not killing necro...
Your kind anymore.
Okay, so,
what are they doing to us?
You don't want to know.
-I gotta find her.
-You won't be able to.
Well, then I'll let myself
get captured.
Either way I-I gotta save her.
I might be able
to find her.
The same way I found you.
I'm psychic.
I can get inside her mind
and track her. I'll just
need something
that she touched recently.
Will this work?
-Well, what, you have
to, like, rub it
or sniff it
or something?
-Or, like...
-No, ew.
Do you even know
what a psychic is?
Will it work?
It'll work.
So, you can
read minds.
What am I thinking
right now?
This Ripley chick
may be cute,
but she's crazy as fuck.
Holy shit.
That's awesome.
You think I'm cute?
So, how did you
become a psychic?
Is it like a...
Like, a Hogwarts
or something?
No, they gave me this
career aptitude test
in school
and the next day
government agents
-showed up on my door.
I took that test.
Oh, yeah? Did it say
you were a zombie?
I mean, it said
I was a brain-dead idiot
who wasn't gonna do
anything with his life,
so, yeah,
I guess, it did.
Well, then
the test was wrong.
Since I've met you,
you've been in a car chase,
you had a couple
of shoot-outs,
you saved a girl.
I haven't
saved her yet.
Well, I... I wasn't
talking about her.
You made my life
sound like a movie.
Well, you're like
a superhero
or a zombie vigilante.
Try telling
that to Amanda.
God, she has no idea.
She's in there.
You saw that
just from a bra?
Thought it was
magical before.
No, it's not her bra.
It's my special skills.
I don't know about this.
Just do what I told you.
I'm here with
a new recruit.
Right away, sir.
That was
some serious Jedi
mind trick shit.
That dude had no idea
we were the droids
he was looking for.
What is this place?
I think it's where
they do experiments.
Well, where's Amanda?
In there.
So much for
not turning into
an animal, huh?
Too soon?
-My God, Jake.
Couldn't let them break
the team up, could I?
What is
she doing here?
She's how
I found you.
She's how
they found us
in the first place.
Okay, so,
she's batting 500.
Can we argue
about this later please?
'Cause right now, I...
If that worked,
we'd all be out of here.
Can you find something
to pick the lock with?
Will this work?
I was thinking
one of those.
Um, love birds,
we need to go.
How quickly
can you pick those locks?
Get in there.
It's out of control.
How nice of you
to deliver
Mr. Stephens to me.
Jeez, Chazz.
Didn't we kick
your ass already?
You're not
taking them, freak.
We're both freaks.
You know why they give
that aptitude test, don't you?
So, they can find psychics
like you and me.
Long before
they hunted necros,
there was us.
Well, psychics
don't hurt people.
At least I don't.
Oh, but they're
scared of you.
Now, when the necros
are gone,
who do you think
they're going to hunt then?
-Jeez, and you thought
I don't shut up.
-That's why
we must use the necros,
that's why
we must stick together.
Use the necros.
Thanks for the tip.
No, Chazz!
Go, go, go. Move.
Chazz, no. No.
Thank for, you know,
saving us.
It was teamwork.
Ripley is not
coming with us.
Why not?
I mean, we need her.
Oh, you think
I look like Ripley, too.
She going to help us
find the cure
with her awesome
psychic powers.
I don't think
a cure exists.
Otherwise I would
have heard about it.
Well, there's some
grandpa dude in Iowa
who disagrees,
so, hopefully you're wrong.
I don't want her help.
Eh, you're lucky
I'm willing to help
after what you did
to my partner.
Fuck that guy.
He shot me.
Well, maybe
you had it coming.
Well, maybe
you've got it coming.
Are you threatening me?
Girls, girls,
you're both pretty.
Let's just agree
to disagree.
Forget it.
I'll find the cure myself.
Hey, hey, come on.
Iowa's a big place.
We're gonna need
all the help we can get.
Come on. For me?
We're a team, right?
She better not
get in my way
when I'm hungry.
You know,
she's gonna eat me
first chance she gets.
No, she won't.
We vote on it.
I finally felt like
I was back in high school,
on a road trip
with kids my own age.
How are you doing
back there?
Oh, I'm great. Thanks.
Even if one of them
wanted to eat me.
Would there be a cure.
Who knows?
But if so,
I could save Jake
and take down the NCD.
My life finally
had direction.
Even if it was
taking me to Iowa.
Would there be a cure?
Who cares?
At least
I was heading there
with two hot chicks.
I mean, women.
Came out of nowhere.
Do you think
she's dead?
God, I hope not.
-You hungry?
-Please don't eat her.
You don't get to vote.
Well, hello, Jake.
You know her?
Kind of.
I mean, she's the...
one that turned me
into a zombie.
So, you slept with her?
Download more movies for free
Check, please.
Calling all girls
And calling all boys you know
Gimme a break
I got lot on my mind
And I've soul
If you wanna know
You will find out
If you wanna know
You will find out for yourself
A couple of days
A couple of states
A new home
Yeah ,way back home
Where the summer goes as we go
If you wanna know
You will find out
If you wanna know
You will find out
If you wanna know
You will find out for yourself
Calling all girls
And calling all boys you know
I've been down for a while
Yeah, it's real, baby
Down, I know
And please, baby!
Please, baby!
Please, baby, I don't know
And please, baby!
Please, baby!
Please, baby, I don't know
If you wanna know
You will find out
If you wanna know
You will find out
For yourself