Ed Wood (1994) Movie Script

Greetings, my friend.
You are interested
in the unknown...
the mysterious,
the unexplainable.
That is why you are here.
And now,
for the first time...
we are bringing you
the full story of what happened.
We are giving you all
the evidence, based only...
on the secret testimony
of the miserable souls...
who survived
this terrifying ordeal.
The incidents, places--
My friend, we cannot keep this
a secret any longer.
Can your heart stand
the shocking facts...
of the true story
of Edward D. Wood,Jr.?
It`s 8:1 5. We can`t hold
the curtain any longer.
Cripes, what am I gonna tell the cast?
It`s press night and there`s no press.
- Do you believe in ghosts?
- Nah, Tommy.
That`s just kiddie
spook stories.
Once you`re dead,
you stay dead.
I don`t know, Bill.
Out on that battlefield today...
I saw this woman in-- dressed in
white, floating above the dunes.
Or maybe it was
just fatigue or...
maybe it`s
the indignities of war.
Or maybe
it`s somethin` else.
Hey, I think
I see somethin`.
I offer you mortals
the Bird of Peace...
so that you may
change your ways...
and end this destruction.
What a show!
Everyone was terrific.
Paul, your second act monologue
actually gave me the chills.
- Ah, thanks, Eddie.
- I got the early edition
hot off the presses!
This is the big moment.
Oh, what does that old queen
know? she didn`t even show.
sent her copy boy
to do the dirty work.
screw you, Miss Crowley.
Do I really have a face
like a horse?
What does ``ostentatious`` mean?
Hey, it`s not that bad.
You can`t concentrate on the negative.
Look, he`s got some
nice things to say here.
``The soldiers` costumes are very
realistic.`` That`s positive!
- Rave of the century.
- Well, I`ve seen a lot worse reviews.
I`ve seen reviews where they
didn`t even mention the costumes.
Like that last Francis the Mule picture.
It got terrible notices. Huge hit!
- Lines around the block.
- That`s right.
Don`t take it too seriously.
We`re all doing great work.
- Do you really think so?
- Absolutely.
Honey, what if I`m wrong?
What if I just don`t got it?
Ed, it was only one review.
Orson Welles was only 26
when he made Citizen Kane.
I`m already 30.
Ed, you`re still young.
And this is the time in your life
when you`re supposed to be struggling.
I know. But I`m just scared that it`s
not gonna get any better than this.
Oh, I hate having
to wake up this early.
Gosh, where`s my pink sweater?
I can never seem to find
my clothes anymore.
Hey, big shot! Get off your ass and get
this over to the executive building.
-sure thing, Mr. Kravitz.
-Hey, Charlie, there, come here.
Come here. What`d I tell you
about watering these plants, huh?
I want some water on `em! Don`t
sprinkle the damn things! soak `em!
All right, people, settle!
And... action!
Wow! Look at these camels.
These are real camels.
Gosh, where`d
they get real camels?
Hey, you.
Move it outta here, huh?
Hey, Eddie!
Come in here.
I got some great
new stuff to show you.
This is fantastic.
What are you gonna do with it?
Probably file it away
and never see it again.
Oh, it`s such a waste.
Why, if I had half the chance,
I could make an entire movie
using this stock footage.
The story opens on these
mysterious explosions.
Nobody knows what`s causing them,
but it`s upsetting all the buffalo.
so the military are called in
to solve the mystery.
- You forgot the octopus.
- No, no.
I`m saving that for
my big underwater climax.
- Hello. May I help you?
- Hello.
They say he was a girl
trapped in a man`s body.
I bet it hurt when
they cut his thing off.
- Ugh!
- What are you ladies gabbin` about?
You know that ChristineJorgensen freak?
He-- she-- It`s in Variety.
some producer`s makin`
a bio pic.
Really? I didn`t read
that story.
Yes. I`ve got Mr. Edward Wood on
the line. Could you please hold?
Mr. Weiss?
Ed Wood here.
Listen, I-I heard about your
new project, and I was curious
if you`d signed a director yet?
Oh, you haven`t!
Well, if we could get together,
I could explain to you...
why I`m more qualified to direct
this than anyone else in town.
Well, I`d rather not
go into that over the phone.
All right. Great!
I`ll see ya then. Bye.
Eddie, I don`t understand. Why are
you the most qualified director...
- for the ChristineJorgensen story?
- Oh, it`s just hogwash, hon.
I had to get
in the door somehow.
No, I love you like a brother.
Listen to me. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no. I didn`t stop that.
That`s a falsehood. No. Listen.
Come in!
Look, look, look. When I said that you
could have the western territories...
I didn`t mean all 1 1 states!
I meant California,
Oregon, and, uh--
What`s that one on top? Ah,
W-W-- Washington! Yeah, yeah!
Wh-- Oh, really?
Well, screw you!
- Hi. Can I help ya?
- Yes, I`m Ed Wood.
I`m here about directing
the ChristineJorgensen picture.
Well, a couple of things
have changed.
It ain`t gonna be the Christine
Jorgensen story no more.
Goddamn Variety had to print
the story before I got the rights!
Now that bitch is asking
for the sky.
Ah, you`re not gonna
make the movie.
No, of course I`m gonna
make the picture.
I already presold Alabama
and Oklahoma.
Those repressed Okies, they go
for that twisted, perverted stuff.
We`ll just do it without the she-male.
We`ll fictionalize it.
- Is there a script?
- Fuck no! But there`s a poster.
It opens in nine weeks
in Tulsa.
Well, Mr. Weiss, look no further.
I`m your man.
I work fast and I`m a deal.
I write and direct. And I`m good.
I just did a play in Hollywood
and Victor Crowley himself
praised its realism.
There`s about 500 guys in this town
that can say the same thing.
On the phone you said you had
some special qualifications?
Mr. Weiss...
I have never told anyone...
what I`m about to tell you...
but I really want this job.
I like to dress
in women`s clothing.
- You`re a fruit?
- No, not at all. I love women.
Wearing their clothes
makes me feel closer to them.
- You`re not a fruit.
- No, I`m all man.
I even fought in W.W. II.
Of course, I was wearing
women`s undergarments under my uniform.
- Ya gotta be kidding me.
- Confidentially...
I even paratrooped wearing
a brassiere and panties.
I tell ya, I wasn`t scared
of being killed, but I was
terrified of getting wounded...
and having the medics
discover my secret.
so you think this qualifies
you to make my movie?
Yes. I know what it`s like
to live with a secret...
and worry about what people
are gonna think of ya.
My girlfriend still doesn`t know why
her sweaters are always stretched out.
Ed, you seem like a nice kid.
Look around you.
I don`t hire directors with
burning desires to tell their stories.
I make movies
like Chained Girls.
I need someone with experience
who can shoot a film in four days
and make me a profit.
I`m sorry.
That`s all that matters.
Can I get you
anything else, kid?
Too constrictive.
I can`t even fold my arms.
Gee, Mr. Lugosi, I`ve-I`ve
never had any complaints.
This is the most uncomfortable
coffin I`ve ever been in.
Your selection is quite shoddy.
You`re wasting my time!
- Mr. Lugosi.
- I told you I don`t want any
of your goddamn coffins!
No, no. I don`t work here.
- Then who are you? What do you want?
- I don`t want anything.
I just-- I`m a really big, big fan.
I`ve seen all your movies.
- Mr. Lugosi,
why are you buying a coffin?
- I`m planning on dying soon.
- No.
- Yes! I`m embarking on another
bus and truck tour of Dracula.
Twelve cities in ten days,
if that`s conceivable.
Do you know that I saw you perform
Dracula in Poughkeepsie in 1 938?
That was a terrible production.
Renfield was a drunk!
I thought it was great.
You know, you`re-you`re
much scarier in real life...
than you are in the movie.
Thank you.
I even waited outside to get
your autograph, but you never came out.
Well, I apologize. When I play Dracula,
I put myself into a trance.
It takes me much time
to reemerge.
Oh, there`s my bus.
shit! Where is my transfer?
- say, don`t you have a car?
- I refuse to drive in this country.
Too many madmen.
I`ve got a car.
Boy, Mr. Lugosi, you must lead
such an exciting life.
When is your next picture
coming out?
I have no next picture.
Ya gotta be jokin`.
A great star like you.
You must have dozens
of`em lined up.
Back in the old days, yes.
But now, no one gives
two fucks for Bela.
- But you`re a big star.
- No more.
I haven`t worked
in four years.
This business, this town,
it chews you up, then spits you out.
I`m just an ex-bogeyman.
Make a right.
They don`t want
the classic horror films anymore.
Today, it`s all giant bugs.
Giant spiders,
giant grasshoppers.
Who would believe
such nonsense?
The old ones were much spookier;
they had castles and full moons.
They were mythic.
- They had a poetry to them.
- Yes.
And you know what else?
The women--
The women preferred
the traditional monsters.
The women. Huh.
The pure horror, it both
repels and attracts them.
Because in their
collective unconsciousness...
they have the agony
of childbirth.
- Oh.
- The blood--
The blood is horror.
You know, I never
thought of that.
Take my word for it.
If you want to make out with a young
lady, you take her to see Dracula.
Eh, what a mess.
My wife of 20 years
left me last month.
I`m not much of a housekeeper.
All right, I`m coming!
- I`ll feed you, my darlings.
I`ll feed you.
- Well, I better get going.
But, uh, perhaps we could get together
again sometime, Mr. Lugosi.
But now...
the children of the night
are calling me.
- Good day.
- Good day.
sweetie, you won`t believe it.
I`ve got incredible news.
- Ya got the job!
- No, I didn`t get the job,
but something better happened.
- Better than not getting the job.
- Yes!
I met a movie star.
somebody really big.
Who? Robert Taylor?
No. A horror movie star.
- Boris Karloff.
- Close.
The other one.
You met... Basil Rathbone!
Oh, to heck with you.
I met Bela Lugosi.
- Well, I thought he was dead.
- No, he`s very much alive.
Well... sort of.
He`s old and frail, but he`s-- he`s
still Bela Lugosi, and he`s really nice.
Well, I can`t even remember
the last time I saw him in a picture.
It`s a shame. He`s such a great actor,
and no one uses him anymore.
-so, did you get his autograph?
-No, it wasn`t like that at all.
It was just the two of us
and we were talking and--
He treated me like a friend.
- Yeah, well, he`s a bum!
- No, he`s not.
Do you have any idea how much
money he made for this studio?
- Dracula, The Black Cat, The Raven.
- Yeah?
- Well, now he`s a junkie.
He don`t deserve to work.
- That is not true.
He`s so great,
you hire him.
Yeah, well I would
if I could.
- Trick or treat!
- The house looks like
they have lots of kids.
Ooh, those eyes.
He gives me the willies.
Oh, I hate it when she
interrupts the picture.
- she doesn`t show `em
the proper respect.
- ...Charlie from--
- I think she`s a honey.
- ...talk about the living dead.
- And then I tried to meet him...
- Look at those jugs.
but he stood me up
at the restaurant.
I guess I shouldn`t
have picked a steak house.
And then I went out with the
Wolf Man. Ugh. What an evening.!
- I didn`t know whether
to kiss him good night--
- Vampira...
you will come under
my spell.
You will be
my slave of love.
My gosh, Bela.
How do you do that?
You must be double-jointed.
And you must be Hungarian.
Vampira, look at me.
Look into my eyes.
You`re watching our
Halloween movie, White Zombie...
starring Bela Lugosi,
John Harron, Madge Bellamy...
and a bunch of other people
I`ve never heard of.
I`m very tired.
I need to take my medicine.
- Do you want me to get it for you?
- No.
Thank you, Eddie.
I`ll be all right.
Oh, shit!
I feel much better.
Children! I love children!
Trick or treat!
Aren`t you scared,
little boy?
I`m going to drink
your blood.
You`re not a real vampire.
Those teeth
don`t frighten me.
How `bout these?
Hey, how`d you do that?
Dentures. Lost my pearlies
in the war.
so, what was the important news you
couldn`t tell me on the phone, again?
Well, I started thinkin` about
what you were saying about...
how your movies need
to make a profit.
Now, what is the one thing if you put
it in a movie, it`ll be successful?
- Tits.
- No, better than that. A star.
Ed, you must have me confused
with David selznick.
I don`t make major motion pictures.
I make crap.
Yes, but if you take that crap and put
a star in it, then you`ve got something.
- Yeah. Crap with a star.
- No, something better!
something impressive.
Maybe the biggest money-maker
you`ve ever had.
Fine, all right.
You may be right.
But it doesn`t frickin` matter.
I can`t afford a star, so what
are we even talkin` about?
All right. What if I told you
you could have a star for $1 ,000?
- Lugosi?
- Yes! Lugosi!
- Isn`t he dead?
- No, he`s not dead.
He lives in Baldwin Hills.
I met him recently and he really
wants to be in our movie.
- Why would Lugosi wanna do
a sex-change flick?
- Because he`s my friend.
All right, fine! You can direct it.
I want a script in three days.
We start shooting
a week from Monday.
Oh. Oh, Mr. Weiss.
Thank you so much. You won`t
regret it. I won`t let you down.
But, Bunny, you`re perfect for
this job. You know these people.
I need all the transsexuals
and transvestites I can get.
No, I don`t care if they`re
not actors. I want realism.
I want this film
to tell the truth. Coming!
I`ve waited all my life for this shot,
and I`m not gonna blow it.
Eddie, you got a new movie
for me, eh?
Yes. It`s gonna be a great picture
and you`ll love your character.
Have a seat.
Listen, Bunny, Bela`s here.
I gotta go. Now, listen...
hit the bars, work some parties,
and get me transvestites.
I need transvestites!
All right. Bye.
Eddie, what kind
of a movie is this?
Well, it`s about how people
have two personalities.
The side they show to the world, and
then the secret person they hide inside.
LikeJekyll and Hyde. I`ve always
wanted to playJekyll and Hyde.
I`m looking forward
to this production.
Well, your part`s
a little different.
You`re like the god that looks over all
the characters and oversees everything.
- I don`t understand.
- You control everyone`s fate.
You`re like the puppetmaster.
Ah, so I pull the strings.
Yes, you pull the strings.
``Pull the strings.``
I like that!
Honey. I got
a little surprise for ya.
Wipe off your hands.
- I finished my script.
- Oh!
Ed, I`m so proud of you!
Oh, I`ll read it
as soon as I get home.
Well, I`d-- Well, you know,
I`d really like to know what you think.
Why don`t you go in the bedroom
and take a look? I`ll wait.
Go ahead.
Take your time.
so that`s where
my sweater`s been.
How long have you
been doing this?
since I was a kid.
My mom wanted a girl, so she
used to dress me in girlie clothing.
Just became a habit.
Jesus Christ!
And you never told me?
Well, this is my way
of telling you.
What? By putting it in a fucking
script for everyone to see?
What kind of sick mind
operates like that?
And what about this, this so-called
Barbara character that`s obviously me.
I mean, this is our life.
It`s so embarrassing!
Of course it is. That`s why
you should play the part.
- Oh, you got nerve, buddy.
- It`s a darn good role.
That`s not the issue!
God, how can you act so casual
when you`re dressed like that?
It makes me
feel comfortable.
Oh,just like
in the script.
so what do you say?
Do we break up?
Or do you want to make
the movie with me?
They make you tall, and
you`re flashy. They want that.
Okay. But they want professionalism,
so nix on the nelly...
without losing
naivete, okay?
Now, the good news is you`re
probably gonna get hired
because you look like Peggy Lee.
But I don`t want anybody else
to resent that, okay? Please?
`Cause there`s enough
for everybody, exotics too.
David, if you`re not gonna smile, please
don`t bother. You`ll embarrass me.
-This is George Weiss. He`s done
some very important things.
-You`re wrong. They work
with high artistic merit.
- He`s a nice person to know. An
important person to know, huh?
- I thought you were gonna make
a sex change film!
- There is still a sex change film.
- Yeah! Five pages before it ends!
The rest is about some schmuck
who likes angora sweaters!
Well, I don`t think
he`s a schmuck.
What about this title?
My poster says I Changed My Sex.
so change the poster. Trust me.
You`ll be better off.
This story`s gonna grab people.
It`s about this guy.
He`s crazy about this girl,
but he likes to wear dresses.
should he tell her? should he not tell
her? He`s torn, Georgie. This is drama.
Fine. shoot whatever baloney you want.
Just make sure it`s seven reels long.
Excuse me. Can I get
everyone`s attention, please?
Could you gather around?
I`ve got something to say.
we`re about to embark on quite a
journey; four days of hard work.
But when it`s over, we`ll have a picture
that`ll entertain, enlighten...
and maybe even move
millions of people.
Excuse me, Eddie.
I don`t mean to interrupt,
but I`m worried about the light.
Good thinking. All right, we`ll talk
about days three and four later.
Let`s get that first shot off.
scene 1 7: Glenda looking in the window.
And... action!
And... cut! Print that.
Let`s move on.
Don`t you want a second take
for protection?
What`s to protect?
It was perfect! Come on.
Hey! Cops!
We don`t have a permit.
- Oh!
-Just get it.
- Come on. Let`s go.
What`s going on with these
revised pages? scene--
- Mr. Lugosi`s here.
- Oh, my God, Mr. Lugosi`s here!
Everyone! Everyone!
Everyone, come on,
come in here.
Listen. When he walks onto
the stage, treat him normal.
I know Bela Lugosi`s a world-famous
star, and you`re all very excited...
but, look,
we are professionals.
so,just treat him with respect.
Everything will be all right.
Great to see ya.
- I`m always on time.
- Of course you are.
Well, we got a big day
planned for you.
But first we`re gonna
start out kinda easy with you
in that armchair over there.
And then once you`re
up to speed and cookin`...
we`ll reset and bring in
the laboratory equipment.
- Eddie?
- Huh?
- What about my money?
- Huh? Oh.
What are you people doing?
Get back to work!
All right, people.
Let`s get ready.
Mr. Lugosi,
I-I know you`re very busy...
but, um... can I have
your autograph?
You know which movie of yours
I love, Mr. Lugosi? The Invisible Ray.
You were great
as Karloff`` s sidekick.
Fuck you!
Karloff does not deserve
to smell my shit!
That limey cocksucker can rot
in hell for all I care!
-What happened?
-How dare that asshole bring up Karloff.
You think it takes talent
to play Frankenstein?
It`s all, all makeup
and, and, grunting.
I agree.
Bela, I agree 1 00%.
Now, Dracula, that`s a role
that requires talent.
Of course!
Dracula requires presence.
It-- It`s all in the eyes
and the voice and the hand.
That`s right. That`s right.
You seem a little agitated.
- You wanna go outside and get some air?
- Bullshit!
I`m ready now!
Roll the camera!
- Move it, huh?
- We`re rolling.
- sound. speed.
- scene 97, take one. Mark.
Beware of the big,
green dragon...
that sits on your doorstep.
He eats little boys...
puppy dog tails...
and big, fat snails.
Take care.
Pull the string!
Pull the string!
Look, Georgie, I`m proud.
I wrote, directed and starred in it...
-just like Orson Welles did
in Citizen Kane.
- Yeah, well...
Orson Welles didn`t wear
angora sweaters, did he?
How can you just walk around
like that in front of all these people?
Well, hon, nobody`s bothered
but you. Look around.
Ed, this isn`t the real world.
You`ve surrounded yourself
with a bunch of weirdos!
Oh, say it a little louder.
I don`t think Bela heard you.
I need your help.
My mind`s in a muddle,
like in a thick fog.
I thought I could stop
wearing these things.
I tried.
Honestly, I tried.
Glen. I don`t
fully understand.
But maybe together
we can work this out.
Music swells.
Cut and print!
It`s a wrap.
How do you do?
I`m here to see Mr. Feldman.
- What`s your name?
- Edward D. Wood,Jr.
He`s in the executive building.
You can park in the reserved section.
- Thanks very much.
- Please, sit down.
so, what are you bringing me?
Looks like you got some film cans.
Well, some people bring their resumes.
I`ve brought my own movie.
Really? Well, good for you.
I just shot this baby for screen
Classics. It opens next week.
screen Classics?
No, I don`t know them.
There`s something you should know.
Nobody in town has seen this picture...
so I`m giving you first crack
at my talents.
Thank you.
And I`m anxious to see it.
-so, uh, what`s up next for you?
-Well, you know...
I don`t believe in thinking small,
so I`ve got a whole slate
of pictures for you.
You ready? Okay.
``The Vampire`s Tomb.``
``The Ghoul Goes West.``
``Doctor Acula.``
Doctor Acula?
I don`t get it.
``Doctor... Racula.``
Oh, I get it.
I don`t like it.
- But it`ll star Bela Lugosi.
- Bela Lugosi?
Lugosi`s all washed-up.
What else you got?
Well, I-I-I do have...
another project.
I wasn`t gonna tell you
about it.
Lugosi`s in it,
but it`s a small part.
The lead is an ingenue. A sterling,
young actress: Dolores Fuller.
The title of the film:
``Bride of the Atom``!
Atomic age stuff, huh?
I like it. I like it.
I`ll tell you what, Mr. Ward. Uh, why
don`t you leave your film cans with me.
And my associates and I will
take a look at your little opus...
and maybe we can do
some business together.
Take care. Beware.
Pull the string.!
Pull the string.!
- The title of this
can only be labeled...
- What the hell is this?
- Is this an actual movie?
- "Behind Locked Doors. `"
- It can`t be!
Give this man satin undies,
a dress, a sweater and a skirt...
or even the lounging outfit
that he has on...
- and he`s the happiest
human being in the world.
- Wait a minute.
- Wait a minute. That guy in the dress.
- He works better. He thinks better.
He can play better.
- And he`s a more of a credit
to his community...
- That`s the guy I met today.
-and his government and he`s happy.
- Oh, this has gotta be a put-on.
These things are his comfort.
-But while in ladies makeup,
he dares to enter the street...
-This is probably another one of
Billy Wellman`s practical jokes.
dressed in the clothes
he so much desires to wear...
but only ifhe
really appears female
- the long hair, the makeup,
the clothing...
- Oh, God!
the actual contours
of a girl.
- Most transvestites do not want
to change their life, their bodies.
- This is funny. This is funny.
Thank you.
Georgie, what happened? I thought
Glen Or Glenda? was opening this week.
- Where`s the ads?
- Where`s the ads?
The ads are in Alabama,
Indiana, Missouri, you schmuck!
It ain`t gonna play in L.A.
-Why not?
-Nobody wants to see this piece of shit!
- Hey, you can`t talk that way
about my movie!
- Your movie? I wish it was your movie!
I wish I hadn`t blown every dime
I ever made into making this stink bomb!
And if I ever see you again,
I`ll kill ya!
Guess where
I`m going next week?
- I don`t know. Where?
- Mexico.
- Guess what I`m doing when I get there?
- I don`t know. Lie on a beach.
Wrong. I`m getting my first
series of hormone injections.
And when those girls
kick in...
they`re gonna take out my organs
and make me a woman.
- Are you serious?
- It`s something I`ve wanted
to do for a long time.
But it wasn`t until I saw
your movie that I realized
that I have to take action!
- Good-bye, penis.
- Would you please keep it down.
The ``super swedish Angel,``
My gosh, look at that guy.
He`s a mountain!
And after I`m a woman,
Jean-Claude and I are gonna be married.
I`m gonna be a June bride.
He`s a monster. Can you imagine what
that guy would look like in a movie?
Yeah, yeah!
Mmm. More neck.
Mr.Johnson, congratulations
on your victory.
Thank you.
You bring my water?
No, I`m not the water boy.
I`m a movie director.
- Movies? Like the Mickey Mouse?
- sure.
- I`ll get you next week!
- Yeah, right. In your dreams!
Uh, Mr.Johnson?
- Did you ever fancy the notion
of becoming an actor?
- Not good-lookin` enough.
Well... I think
you`re quite handsome.
Do my toes!
so, anyway, I`ve got this
new script, Bride of the Atom.
And there`s a part
that I believe you`re ideal for.
Lobo. He`s, he`s tough. He`s a brute.
But he`s got a good heart.
And at the end of the picture,
he saves the girl.
- I like. When the movie shoot?
- Hopefully, very soon.
I`m just waiting for the final okay from
my good pal at Warners, Mr. Feldman.
- Wood Productions.
- Eddie, help me.
- Bela?
- Eddie, please come over.
Bela! Bela, what happened?
I didn`t feel well.
- Come on. Let me get you
to the hospital.
- No hospital.
Just take me to the couch.
should I call a doctor?
No. This happens
all the time.
Is there anything I can get
for you? Water or a blanket?
I don`t know how
to make goulash.
Bela, what`s in the needle?
Morphine, with a Demerol chaser.
Oh, Eddie.
Eddie, I`m so broke.
I don`t know what
I`m going to do.
Don`t worry, Bela.
I won`t let you down.
Mr. Feldman? Ed Wood.
Yeah, listen, I haven`t been able
to get through, so I just showed up.
Yeah, right out front. so, are
we gonna be working together?
Really? Worst film
you ever saw.
Well, my next one
will be better.
Hello. Hello.
- I`m no good.
- Oh, Ed, it was just one man`s opinion.
Bela needs a job.
I can`t even get a film going.
Of course I can`t. I made
the worst movie of all time.
Oh, that`s ridiculous.
All I wanna do
is tell stories.
The things that
I find interesting.
Well, maybe you`re not
studio kinda material.
Maybe you just need
to raise the money yourself.
The movie is called
Bride of the Atom.
It would star Bela Lugosi.
There are quarter shares
available at $1 5,000 each.
Yes, that`s right.
The Bela Lugosi.
He`s still alive.
Is he available Friday night?
Well, gee, I suppose so. Why?
I am the Count.``
``Greetings, I am slick slomopavitz,
seeker of adventure.
Audience laughs, applause.
say, that`s a kooky place to sleep.``
- ``It is my home.``
- ``Oh, tract housing, huh?
Laugh. You need
a new real estate agent.``
``Beg to differ.
This casket,`` uh...
``incap-- incarpertate--``
No, Bela, that`s ``incorporates.``
Look, why don`t you just say
that ``This casket has--``
How do they expect a Hungarian
to pronounce this dialogue?
This-- This live television
is madness!
I predict by...
April 1 9th, 1 97 0...
I predict men will have
colonized Mars.
Millions of people
will live there.
Wow. Ain`t that somethin`?
And now we take you
to a castle in Transylvania.
Watch out. The landlord`s
a real pain in the neck.
Greetings. I am the Count.
Greetings, pal. I`m slick slomopavitz,
seeker of adventure.
Hey, what a kooky place to sleep.
Kinda reminds me of my house.
Huh, what a dump. some places
got a Murphy bed, this place
got a Murphy shower!
I still don`t know
where to hang the towels.
I beg to differ.
Beg to differ? Hey, uh, bloodsucker,
I`m, uh, talkin` about my towels.
Greetings. I am the Count.
A natural bum is what he is.
I told you we shoulda got Karloff.
- Ah, don`t worry about it, Bela.
You`re better than all this.
- I never said I could ad lib.
Forget it. We`ll make our own movie
and you`ll be a big star again.
Mr. Lugosi, it is an
unparalleled privilege to meet you, sir.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Criswell.
- It`s a pleasure.
- Ahh, cheer up.
Don`t lose heart over
what happened tonight.
I predict your next project
will be an outstanding success.
- Wow.
- And who may you be?
Edward D. Wood,Jr.
- Ahh, the director of Glen or Glenda?
- H-How did you know?
I am Criswell. I know all.
And bingo! Thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh,
bring me two more Beefeater martinis.
Ed, another whiskey.
Dagmar, rum and Coke.
Uh, Moustapha and King,
a chablis.
Bela, would you like
a wine?
No. I never drink wine.
say, Cris, how`d you know
we`d be living on Mars by 1 97 0?
- I guessed.
- Really?
I made it up.
It`s horseshit.
Eddie, there`s no such thing as
a psychic. People believe my folderol...
because I wear
a black tuxedo.
- It`s that easy?
- Eddie, we`re in showbiz.
It`s all about razzle-dazzle,
If you look good and you talk well,
people will swallow anything.
We are going to have the most
terrifying monster ever seen on film.
A ghastly creature,
created from an atomic mutation!
I don`t like scary movies.
I like the ones with love stories.
That`s just what this movie is:
a heartbreaking romance.
You`re quite a specimen.
And you`re going to be in the picture?
- Yeah, I play Lobo.
- I predict Bride of the Atom...
will be the biggest moneymaker
of all time.
And this is lovely starlet Dolores
Fuller, who will playJanet Lawton.
My pleasure, ma`am. Now,
how much will this picture cost?
Well, in a normal studio,
it`d be about a million bucks...
with all their wasteful overhead
and fancy offices.
But we`re more efficient, so we
could bring it in at about 7 0 grand.
Oh. Well, I shall
certainly consider it.
- Well, good-bye.
- Bye. stay in touch.
- Good night, Ed.
- Good party, Ed.
- Good-bye.
- Well, Eddie, how`d we do?
- We didn`t make a nickel.
I cannot believe
I`m in Hollywood.
You know, Daddy didn`t want me
to move out here.
Uh-huh. Ma`am,
your bill comes to $2.20.
Oh. Uh, okay. I hope you don`t mind,
but all I have is a 50.
- I just came from my banker`s.
- That`s all right.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
You just moved here?
Yes. Hollywood is,
oh, so exciting.
Isn`t it?
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
I`m Loretta King.
- Edward D. Wood,Jr.
- Hi, would you like some water?
No. No water. No liquids.
I`m terribly allergic
to them.
You know, I work in Hollywood.
I`m a producer.
Really? Wow. I would love
to be involved in that.
Is that right?
Well, maybe I can help you out.
Have you ever thought about
investing in a motion picture?
Perhaps a small amount of money.
How much do your motion pictures cost?
Well, my new one, I think,
would be about $60,000.
That`s all? That seems
very reasonable for an entire picture.
Would you--
Would you like to, uh...
have a look at the--
at the photoplay?
Oh, sure.
Oh, my.
This is very interesting.
say, do you think it would be possible
for me to maybe play one of these parts?
Oh, you want to be an actress too.
Well, of course.
You know, there`s, there`s a couple
of parts I can think of right now
that you might be perfect for.
There`s, uh, the secretary in the
newspaper office, the file clerk, umm--
Hmm. Those sound
kind of small.
Here`s one that looks good.
Janet Lawton.
- I`d sure like to play her.
-Janet Lawton.
Yes.Janet Lawton is clearly
the part to play.
Can`t you just see me
in the part?
Yes. You`d be perfect.
You bastard!
You two-timing,
dress-wearing son of a bitch!
Honey, it was the only way
I could get the movie made.
Who do you think`s been
paying the rent, huh?
Who`s been helping you
type your scripts...
and do all your grunt work?
I am sorry.
What did you want me to say?
You were supposed
to say, ``No.
I wrote that part for
my girlfriend Dolores!``
snowball, there are plenty
of other parts.
Like what?
The secretary,
the file clerk--
You asshole!
This is gonna be Bela`s laboratory,
so it should be real impressive.
Just like one of those
mad scientist movies.
I want test tubes,
and one of those
electrical things that buzzes.
- Oh, you mean a tesla coil?
- Fine, whatever.
- Hop to it.
- Right, right.
- Eddie?
- Yes?
Which dress
do you like better?
Hmm, I don`t know.
say, Bill, which dress works better
for you: the red one or the green one?
- Which one is the red one?
- What do you mean?
I mean, I can`t see
the difference. I`m color-blind.
But I kinda like
the dark gray one.
At Universal, we used to shoot
one or two scenes a day.
But Eddie can knock off 20, 30.
He`s incredible!
And action.
Okay, you`re Dr. Eric Vornoff,
and you`re upset.
You`ve worked very hard
on this experiment and you
don`t want to see it fail.
N-No, you`re not that upset.
You want to keep moving.
You want to go
through that door.
And cut. Beautiful. Print it.
Let`s move immediately to
scene 52. Tor, are you in place?
- Yeah.
- Great. Roll camera.
- Rolling.
- slate.
- Cue rainstorm.
And action, Tor.
Okay, you`re Lobo.
You`re upset.
You`ve worked very hard helping
Dr. Vornoff with this experiment.
You don`t want
to see it fail.
No, no, you`re not
that upset.
You want to keep moving. You`ve
got to get through that door.
And cut. Perfect. Print it.
Let`s move on.
Don`t you want to do another take, Ed?
Looks like big baldy...
had a little trouble
gettin` through the door.
No, it`s fine.
It`s real.
You know, in actuality, Lobo would have
to struggle with that problem every day.
All right, people, let`s get ready.
Actors, I must have my actors.
There you are. Loretta, Tor,
I want to explain this scene to you.
It`s a little complicated, but, uh--
Bela, you`ll be sitting there, okay?
I`m not getting near
that goddamned thing.
One of them burned me
in The Return of Chandu.
All right.
Then you`ll be sitting there.
- Good.
- Great.
All right, gang, here`s the scene.
Loretta, you`re in a trance.
You glide in and get on
the operating table. Now, Tor,
you`re supposed to tie her down...
but you have an Angora fetish,
and when you rub that swatch
of Angora it makes you refuse.
so then Bela has to
discipline you. All right?
- Great. Let`s do it!
- Okay.
strap her to the table.
Do as I command you!
I`ll teach you
to disobey me!
You will obey!
strap her in!
strap her in!
I command you!
- Wood! Your check bounced.
- Eh-Eh, fine. I`ll get you
the money later.
- I`ll teach you to disobey me!
- No, I need it now.
I am terribly sorry to bother
you while you`re shooting...
but the guy that owns the stage
needs his money.
Well, then you should pay him,
shouldn`t you?
Yes. Exactly.
I kind of need it now.
What are you looking at me
like that for?
I already gave you my 300.
Right. And now I need
the other 60,000.
What other 60,000?
The other 60,000
you said you`d give to me.
You misunderstood, Eddie. I gave you
everything I have in the world.
Three hundred dollars.
Well, here we go again.
Let me tell you,
ya can`t lose.
It`s scary. And if you don`t
like that, it`s romantic.
Bela Lugosi will portray
Dr. Eric Vornoff.
And lovely, lovely, lovely
ingenue Loretta King...
is reporterJanet Lawton.
- I don`t know. Lugosi looks pretty old.
- Huh?
Which role does
Vampira play?
- Vampira? Why do you ask?
- she`s standing right over there.
Well, she plays--
Excuse me one minute.
- Pardon me, Miss Vampira?
- Yes?
Uh, you don`t know me, but I`m
Ed Wood. I`m a film producer...
and I`m currently in production
on a science-fiction piece...
with Bela Lugosi and
swedish wrestler TorJohnson.
I don`t understand.
Do you want my autograph?
No. No, I, I think my film
is perfect for you.
You want me to show it on my TV program?
Well, I have nothing to do with that.
You should call the
station manager at Channel 7.
No, no. No, no. No, no.
I don`t want you to show the
movie. I want you to be in it.
Let me explain. We started shooting,
but after three days we got shut down.
Now we`re having a backers
party to raise some more money.
so I thought perhaps you`d like
to come over and just say howdy
to some of the backers.
Look, I`m with some friends
and we`re about to eat.
Please! It would
just take one second.
Come on over and meet the backers! There
is a really nice dentist from Oxnard.
Look, buddy, I`ve got real
offers from real studios.
I don`t need to blow some
dentist for a part. Forget it.
Miss Vampira! Please.
Let`s go.
I`m getting a bad feeling about
this. Let`s get outta here.
Yeah, I think you`re right.
Thank you folks for coming
tonight, but we`d better go.
And then, Dr. Vornoff
falls into the pit...
and his own octopus
attacks and eats him.
The End.
- That`s quite a story.
- Yes.
so, uh--
You made the movie...
and now you wanna
make it again?
No. We shot ten minutes of
the movie, and now we`re
looking for completion funds.
Oh, son,
you`re too vague.
Billy Bob!
You`re cuttin` `em
too lean.
Mr. McCoy?
How can I make you happy?
Two things. Number one...
I want the movie to end
with a big explosion.
sky full of smoke.
Yes. But it ends with Dr.
Vornoff falling into the pit.
Not anymore. Number two...
I got a son...
an` he`s a little slow,
but a good boy.
And somethin` tells me he`d
make a hell of a leadin` man.
sounds perfect.
This is unbelievable.
I mean, I woulda bet a million bucks
that Ed wouldn`t finish this picture.
Yeah, well, it ain`t finished yet, kid.
Anything can happen.
-stay outta scratching distance.
-Oh, good, you made it. I wasn`t
sure you got my message.
Well, of course I made it.
Today`s the file clerk`s big scene.
- Indeed. Uh-Uh, that`s right.
- staying away--
- I see the usual gang of misfits
and dope addicts are here.
-Janet, I want you straight--
- say, who`s the lug?
- str-- I want you staying away...
from the old Willows place.
Why, that`s Tony McCoy. He will
be portraying Lt. Dick Craig.
Really? How much money
did he put up?
None. But his dad
gave me 50 grand.
- I want you staying--
- Hmm. Wood Productions,
the mark of quality.
- I want you staying away--
- Listen, the movie`s getting made.
That`s all that matters.
- Hello, Harry.
- Oh, hi, Dolores.
Oh! You`re Dolores.
I`ve heard so much about you.
I`m Loretta King.
Oh, here, take the chair.
No, don`t be silly. Let Harry finish.
You still need some more work.
No, I`m finished. All I
needed was a touch-up.
Mm, that mole still shows.
Ladies, you both look fine!
Why don`t we talk about
the scene?
Okay,Janet Lawton has just
discovered that Dr. Vornoff
bought the old Willows estate.
so now she wants to prove
that all the monster stories are true.
Well, Eddie,
what`s my motivation?
You`re the file clerk.
You`re running into the next
room and you bump intoJanet.
Well, what is our relationship?
Are we good friends, or is she
just a casual acquaintance?
Dolores, I have five days
to complete this picture.
Don`t get goofy on me.
- Hi,Janet.
- Oh, hi, Marge.
-Janet, still on the monster hunt?
- What do you think?
I think the boss has been
looking for you all day.
something about the police
wanting those monster stories 86`d.
- You`ve got the whole town in a panic.
- I can`t hear you.
- I said, you`ve got the whole--
- I know what you said,
but I can`t hear you.
I get it. see ya later.
And cut! That was perfect.
- Of course it was.
- Bravo!
- Bravo! Magnifico.!
- Cris, you made it. Thanks a lot.
Naturally! Always happy to help
with a little larceny.
All right, everybody, that`s
it for today. The prop crew
has a little errand to run.
Paul, Connie.
Darn, I thought
they kept this open.
Lobo will fix!
Good boy.
-This place gives me the creeps.
Let`s get the hell outta here.
Not so fast.
Not till we get it down.
There it is.
Paul, go unhook it.
Fantastic. It`s beautiful.
- You sure this is gonna work?
- Yes.
- You sure?
- Yes, hurry, do it.
My God!
We killed him!
Better than wrestling.
- Lights!
- Now,Janet, I want you stayin` away...
from that old
Willows place.
I want-- Now,Janet, I--
- I want you--
- Great.
- Connie. Connie, the octopus
has to live in a lake.
- I want you stayin` away--
- This is kind of a stream.
- No, it has to be underwater!
Go set up by the lake.
Eddie, I`m so tired.
I-I don`t know if I can
handle a night shoot.
Nonsense. You look great.
All right, look, uh--
Why don`t you have a nice nap...
and we`ll shoot around you
for a little while.
- Thanks, buddy.
- You`re welcome.
All right, you kids.
Hey, this is
looking fantastic.
Paul, where`s
the octopus motor?
- What octopus motor?
- To make his legs move.
Well, don`t blame me!
You didn`t say anything about
a motor when I was on the ceiling!
What`s he talking--
Paul lost the octopus motor.
All right,
let`s shoot this fucker!
- Where do I go?
- You`ll be fighting with the octopus.
- Out there?
- Yes.
What happened
to the stream?
Well, this is gonna look a lot
better. We have to match it...
to the stock footage
of the octopus underwater.
Ah, for Christ`s sake.
- Goddamn, it`s cold!
- It`ll warm up once you`re in it.
Fuck you!
You come out here!
Hey! Throw me that whiskey.
How do you turn this on?
Well, somebody misplaced
the octopus motor.
so when you get in there and fight
with him, shake his legs around.
Looks like he`s killin` ya.
You know, I turned down
After I did Dracula, the studio
offered me Frankenstein...
but I turned it down.
Part wasn`t sexy enough.
Too degrading for
a big star like me.
Bela, I have 25 scenes
to shoot tonight.
Oh. sorry.
Don`t let me slow you down.
Okay. All right?
All right, let`s put it
on film. Camera!
- Rolling.
- sound!
- Ed, we don`t have sound.
- Oh.
And action!
And cut!
That was perfect.
Come on!
Come on, troops,
have a nice cup o`joe.
You`ll feel much better.
All right, all right, Harry.
- Mr. Wood?
- Huh?
- I only got one hour
of sleep last night.
Yeah, well, I got no sleep,
and I feel great.
Go get `em, kid.
Go get `em.
- I`m gettin` too old for this.
- Great work, Bill.
Go ahead. Go get `em.
Be careful. Don`t hurt him.
Don`t scratch
the tentacles.
Bela, I wanna thank you again
for last night.
That`s fine, Eddie.
All in the line of duty.
No, no, I want you to know how much
I appreciate all you`ve done for me.
Great man like yourself
shouldn`t have be wandering
though the muck at 4:00 a.m.
Well, there are not a lot
of fellas I`d do it for.
say, I wrote somethin`
special for ya.
I got to thinkin` about all the
sacrifices you`ve made, and I--
Well, I wrote you a--
a new final speech.
Well, this is quite
a scene, Eddie.
I know it`s a lot to give you
at the last minute, Bela, but--
These lines, I`ll have
no problem remembering.
All right, kids.
Let`s knock `em dead.
My dear Professor strowski...
from my homeland.
I was classed as a madman,
a charlatan.
Outlawed in the world of science which
previously honored me as a genius.
Now here, in this...
forsaken jungle hell...
I have proven
that I am all right!
Yes! The authorities
have learned...
how correct
your findings were.
so I am here
to bring you home.
I have no home.
Hunted. Despised.
Living like an animal.
The jungle is my home.
But I shall show the world...
that I can be its master!
I shall perfect
my own race of people...
a race of atomic supermen...
that will conquer
the world!
Cut. That`s a wrap.
Glen or Glenda?
Now, that was a hell of a picture.
Yeah, but this new one is gonna
be a million times better.
Is that possible?
Mr. Bunny, what`s wrong?
I heard you were becoming a lady.
Oh, that.
Mexico was...
a nightmare.
We got in a car accident.
He was killed.
Our luggage was stolen.
The surgeon turned out
to be a quack.
If it hadn`t been
for these men...
I don`t know...
how I would`ve survived.
You people are insane!
You`re wasting your lives
making shit!
Nobody cares!
These movies are terrible!
Ed, it`s over.
I need a normal life.
- Did you really mean
those things you sa--
- I`m tired of living like this.
- But, Poodle--
- I just stuck it out so you
could finish your movie.
And now that it`s done,
so am I.
Ooh, that was so scary
it gave me goose bumps.
No, dummy, I didn`t say "goose, `"
I said "goose bumps. `"
Well, be sure to join me next
week for The Mummy`s Curse.
Until then,
pleasant nightmares.
Okay, folks,
we`re off the air.
- That was a good show.
- I wish I would`ve--
- God, this show needs better jokes.
- You got a phone call.
- Who is it?
- I don`t know.
- Hello?
- Vampira? Ed Wood here.
- Who?
- Ed Wood. Remember,
I met you at the Brown Derby?
- Oh, yeah, you.
- Uh-Uh, listen, I was wondering...
if you`d like to go out sometime,
grab some dinner, maybe.
You mean a date?
I thought you were a fag.
No, no, I`m just a transvestite.
so, how`s about Friday night?
Look, you seem like a nice guy,
Ed, but you`re just not my type.
But keep in touch. Let me know
when your movie opens.
- Hello?
- Eddie, help me.
What do you want?
You called me, remember?
What are you doing, Bela?
I`m going to kill myself.
My gosh, what happened?
Why-- Eddie.
I got a letter
from the government.
They`re cancelling my unemployment.
It`s all I`ve got.
Without it,
I can`t pay the rent.
Don`t you have any savings?
Eddie, I`m obsolete.
I have nothing to live for.
Tonight, I shall die.
You should come with me.
I don`t think that`s
such a good idea.
It`s a wonderful idea!
It`ll be wonderful!
We`ll be at peace.
In the afterlife, you don`t have
to worry about finding work.
I`m on your side.
Gimme the gun.
If you give me the gun,
I`ll make you a drink.
What are you drinking, Bela?
straight up
or on the rocks?
Eddie, I`m sorry.
- I`m so sorry.
- Don`t worry, Bela.
- I`m sorry, Eddie.
- Everything will be okay.
Oh, my goodness, you gave me the
willies. You look like that Dracula guy.
My name is Bela Lugosi...
and I wish to
commit myself.
For what reason?
I have been a drug addict
for 20 years.
I need help.
Is that Angora?
Um, yes.
Don`t you think Angora
has a tactile sensuality...
lacking in all
other clothing?
Uh, I suppose.
It is awfully expensive.
Well, it`s made from specially-bred
rabbits that live in the Himalayas.
say, what are you,
an Angora wholesaler?
I`m in pictures.
I`m a director, writer,
actor and producer.
Aw, come on.
Nobody does all that.
Oh, yes they do. Two people:
Orson Welles and me.
- Whatcha makin`?
- Booties for my father.
- Gets cold in the hospital.
- Mm. Has he been here long?
This is my 1 3th pair.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, Doctor,
I`m with Mr. Lugosi. How is he?
Well, there`s a lot of junk in
his system for such an old man.
he was addicted to morphine,
and then he tried to kick that...
and he got readdicted
to methadone.
- Is he gonna be okay?
- We`ll do our best.
- Yes.
- Hi, Lillian.
- Oh, hi, Ed. He`s got
a lot of visitors today.
- He does?
- Mm-hmm.
- smile. That`s it. Thank you.
- Hey! Hey!
- One more picture, sir? Thank you.
- Do the doctors say you`re
gonna get outta here?
- Freaks! Get outta here!
- Get outta here!
What is wrong with you people?
- Hey! Come on.
Trash barrel!
- Bela, what happened?
- Eddie, why did you chase them?
After all these years, the press is
finally interested again in Bela Lugosi.
Bela, those people are parasites.
They just want to exploit you.
Fine. Let them.
There is no such thing
as bad press, Eddie.
Man from New York even said he`s
putting me on the front page!
First celebrity ever
to check into rehab.
When I get out of here...
I will be healthy, strong...
primed for my comeback.
- Hello again.
- Hi.
- You look beat.
- No, I-I`m fine. How`s your father?
Better. Thank you for asking.
And your friend?
Not good.
Well, I made him some booties
to cheer him up.
They`re black,
to match his cape.
- say, have you always
lived in Los Angeles?
- No. I`m from back east.
Poughkeepsie. You know,
all-American small town.
Everybody knows everybody. My dad worked
for the post office. I was a Boy scout.
- Did you find it boring?
- No. Not at all.
I had my comic books
and pulp magazines.
Used to listen to the
radio dramas constantly.
- I love those shows.
The Shadow, Inner Sanctum.
- Yes.
- And the Mercury Theatre
with Orson Welles.
- Mmm.
Boy, you know, every saturday
afternoon me and my dad...
marched down the street in our uniform
to the little movie theater.
Ah! Oh, the spook house!
You`re not going to believe
the first picture I ever saw.
It was your friend`s.
Oh, that`s incredible. That`s
the first picture I ever saw.
That is incredible. You know, I had
to sleep with the lights on for a week.
I had to sleep with
the lights on for a month...
but I never missed a Lugosi
picture after that one.
A few years ago, I actually
saw him do Dracula live.
It was much scarier
in person.
Oh. We`re stuck.
I`m about to tell you something that
I never told any girl on a first date.
But I think it`s important
that you know...
I like to wear women`s clothes.
-I like to wear women`s clothes.
Panties, brassieres,
sweaters, pumps.
It`s just something I do.
And I can`t believe I`m telling
you this, but I really like you...
and I don`t want it getting
in the way down the road.
Does this mean you don`t
like sex with girls?
No, I love sex with girls.
You see, we thought that Mr. Lugosi
was insured through his union.
- Isn`t he?
- No. They say that his
eligibility ran out years ago.
Look, Doctor.
He doesn`t have any money,
but I`ll give you everything I`ve got.
- I have a few hundred dollars.
- That won`t even begin to cover it.
He`s gonna have to leave.
Bela? Bela.
Wake up.
I`ve got some great news.
The doctor says you`re all better
and you can go home now.
I don`t feel so great.
No? Well, you look
just peachy.
And the-- the tests
came back fine.
Come on. Let`s get up.
Here we go.
Attaboy. Good.
I want to make another picture.
When are we going to make
another picture?
Oh, soon, Bela.
Very soon.
This is so exciting.
Another production.
Isn`t it?
so, Eddie, shouldn`t we
have a sound crew?
Uh, no, no. Because this
is just second unit stuff.
We`re going to do the main
footage later. All right?
so what`s the scene about?
You`re a very important
and respected man.
And you`re leaving your house.
You`re-- You`re in a hurry.
You`re on your way to a big
social brouhaha. Okay?
Eddie, what if I`m not
in so big a hurry?
What if I take a moment
to slow down...
to savor the beauty of life...
to-- to smell a budding flower?
That`s great. That is great.
Let`s do a take. Okay?
Ed, I`m really busy.
What do you want now?
Listen, I was calling to see if you`d
like to attend the world premiere...
of my new movie,
Bride of the Monster.
Didn`t you just make one
called Bride of the Atom?
Yes, it`s the same film, but the
distributor wanted a punchier title.
Come on, it`s gonna be
a big event. Bela, Tor and Cris
are coming. You`ll have fun.
I can`t see. These contact
lenses are hurting.
- My eyes are killing me.
- Don`t worry. We`re almost there.
Hi. Right in there.
Thank God you`re here.
They`re tearing up the place.
Come on. Come on!
Come on. This way.
Come on! Come on!
I`ve never been
to a movie premiere before.
Well, go knock `em dead.
At the stroke of midnight...
the witching hour...
the ghouls arise...
from the dead.
- Hey, Vampira, how `bout a little love?
- Fuck off.
One of them stole my wallet!
- I can`t see!
- Get `em off me!
- Come on. Let`s go!
I gotta save `em.
Get your heads down.
Come on. Let`s go!
- We`re gettin` the heck outta here!
- Okay, let`s go.
I can`t see!
I can`t see!
Hey, come on. Let`s split!
- stop!
- Get in! Get in! Aw, go on! Get in!
Now, that was a premiere.
last night was quite a romp.
Did you see that kid grab
Vampira`s boobies?
I envied him.
Hell, I envied you too.
A girlfriend who would jump
in front of a car like that.
Yes, she is quite something.
None of my wives would have.
I want to thank you.
These last few days
have been...
a good time.
You know, I just-- I just wish
you coulda seen the movie.
Ahh. No problem.
I know it by heart.
I have no home.
living like an animal.
The jungle is my home.
But I shall show the world
that I can be its master!
I shall perfect
my own race of people...
a race of atomic supermen...
that will conquer the world!
Uh, M-M-Mr. Lugosi, could I
have your autograph, please?
- Certainly.
- Why, that was-- that was incredible.
- I mean, you`re just
as great as you ever were.
- Better.
I`m 7 4, but I don`t know it.
When the brain is young,
the spirit is still vigorous...
like-- like a young man.
``And left the planet Mars...
never to return again.``
- The end.
- Mmm.
Wood Productions.
Hey, whose crazy idea was it
to bury him in the cape?
I heard it was in the will.
It was how he wanted
to be remembered.
Could you run it again?
- Mr. Wood?
- Huh?
Uh, Mr. Wood, this is
Mr. Reynolds, your landlord.
Could you please open up?
One minute.
- Yes?
- Uh, Mr. Wood, you have bounced...
your third and final rent check.
I`m terribly sorry. My-my-my-my
stockbroker must have
transferred the wrong account.
Come on in.
I`ll write you another check.
Ohh, I see you`re in
the picture business.
-I`m interested in the picture business.
My associates and I,
we wish to produce...
a series of uplifting
religious films...
about the apostles.
But unfortunately
we don`t have enough money.
Oh. Raising money`s tough.
No, our church has enough money
for one film.
We just don`t have enough
for all twelve.
Well, you know what you do?
You produce a film in
a commercially-proven genre...
and then after it`s a hit, you
take the profits from that and
you make the 1 2 apostles movie.
- Would that work?
- Absolutely.
Let me show you something.
You see this script?
Grave Robbers from Outer Space.
Money in the bank.
Grave robbers from what?
From outer space. It`s science
fiction. Very big with the kids.
If you make this picture, you`ll
have enough money to finance
a hundred religious films...
and pay my back rent
with the profits.
I don`t know. This is, um,
all a lot to absorb.
- It`s a guaranteed blockbuster.
- Mmm.
Well, I understand this science fiction
is very popular, but, um...
uh, don`t the big hits
always have big stars?
Well, we have a big star.
Bela Lugosi.
Bela Lugosi--
Oh, I thought he passed on.
Yes. Yes, he did.
I`ve got the last footage
he ever shot.
Well, it doesn`t look
like very much.
Mr. Reynolds...
this is the acorn
that will grow a great oak.
I`ll just get a double to finish
his scenes, and we`ll release it
as Bela Lugosi`s final film.
Bunny, we`re making
another movie.
Yes, I got the Baptist Church
of Beverly Hills to put up the cash.
- Hold on.
- Ed, I got the Lugosi doubles outside.
Bunny, I gotta go.
He`s too short.
He`s too tall.
- He`s just not going to work.
- Well, Ed, I was thinkin`...
like when Bela played Fu Manchu.
- Paul, that was Karloff.
- Oh.
- You`re gonna have to try harder.
- Okay.
- Try to be a cut above.
- Okay.
- Go get `em.
- Right.
- Oh. Keep sunday open.
- The producers want us to get baptized.
- Okay.
You know, hon, when you rewrite a
script, it just gets better and better.
This is the ultimate Ed Wood movie.
No compromises.
- Oh, my. Eddie.
- Hmm?
- Look at this.
Poor girl`s out of a job.
I brought the script. You`ll
be portraying the ghoul`s wife.
- The ghoul`s wife?
- Yes.
You should feel lucky. Eddie`s
the only fella in town who
doesn`t pass judgment on people.
That`s right. If I did,
I wouldn`t have any friends.
Look, would it be possible to make the
ghoul`s wife a little less prominent...
so people wouldn`t really
notice me in the movie?
- You don`t want to be noticed?
- Yeah. How about this?
What if I don`t have any lines?
I`ll play the part mute.
- Mute?
- Hey, it`s Dr. Tom.
- Dr. Tom! Hiya!
- Who`s Dr. Tom?
- He`s my chiropractor.
- Hey, Kathy. How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
- Well, look at you. You`re
looking in alignment today.
Well, actually, my neck
is a little funny.
Oh, here.
Let me fix that.
- Ooh!
- Mm-hmm.
My gosh!
Don`t move.
It`s uncanny.
Look at his head!
It`s uncanny!
Lift up your voice
and let us sing
Alleluia, alleluia
- Oh, burning sun and golden sea
- He looks nothin` like Bela.
- He`s kinda got his ears.
- Oh, look. Cover your face with this.
- Oh. Now I can see it.
- I want to suck your blood.
I want to suck your blood!
- Let`s hear you call
Boris Karloff a cocksucker.
- Alleluia
- shh!
- Alleluia
- We want these Baptists
to like us. Please?
Brothers and sisters...
we reach now in the service
a joyous point...
because we are going to bear witness
to the baptism of our new members.
Why couldn`t we do this
in the church?
Because Brother Tor couldn`t
fit in the sacred tub.
Welcome to the fold, brother.
- Do you acceptJesus Christ
as your personal savior?
- Yes!
In the name of the Father,
the son and the Holy Ghost.
Welcome to the fold, brother.
Praise the Lord, brother.
- Do you reject satan and all his evils?
- sure.
In the name of the Father,
the son and the Holy Ghost.
Praise the Lord, friends!
- Do you repent for all of your sins?
- How do you do it?
- I do.
- How do you get all your
friends to get baptized...
- The Father, the son,
and the Holy Ghost.
-just so you can make a monster movie?
It`s not a monster movie.
It`s a supernatural thriller.
Come toJesus, brother!
I can`t believe this.
- Ed, what am I gonna do here?
- What do you mean?
- He has no hair.
- Ah, gee, I never noticed that.
Put a wig on him.
Before we start shooting, Mr. Wood,
uh, we have a few questions.
Yes. The script contains
numerous references to grave robbing.
Now, we find the concept
of digging up consecrated ground
to be highly offensive.
- It is blasphemy.
- What are you talking about?
It`s the premise of the movie. It`s the
title of the movie, for Christ`s sakes!
- Mr. Wood!
- Yes. About that title.
It strikes us
as very inflammatory.
Eh, why don`t we change it
to Plan 9 From Outer Space?
Huh! That`s ridiculous.
All right. And, action!
Medical examiner
been around yet?
Just left. Uh, the morgue wagon
oughta be along most any time.
- You get their statement?
- Yeah, but they`re pretty scared.
Fine mess like this
will frighten anyone.
You have one of the boys, uh,
take the guy and the girl
back to town. You take charge.
What`d you give him all the
lines for? He`s unintelligible.
Look, Lugosi`s dead
and Vampira won`t talk.
- I had to give somebody the dialogue.
- That is no answer!
What about glitter?
When I was a headliner in Paris,
audiences always liked it
when I sparkled.
- Cat`s eyes.
- No!
- Well, I`m going to need some antennae.
- No!
You`re the ruler of the galaxy.
show a little taste!
see? No talking.
Isn`t he good?
- Cue Dr. Tom!
- N-Now?
Yes, now. Lurk him.
Be sure and keep
your face covered.
Isn`t it wonderful?
Bela lives.
Doesn`t it strike you
as a bit morbid?
No. He would`ve loved it.
Bela`s returned from the grave,
just like Dracula.
Cue Vampira!
- And, cut!
- Let`s go down and find out
whose grave it is.
Oh, why do I always get hooked up
with these spook details?
Monsters, graves, bodies!
Cue flying saucer!
And cut! Print.
We`re moving on.
- That was perfect.
- Perfect? Mr. Wood...
- do you know anything about
the art of film production?
- Well, I like to think so.
That cardboard headstone
tipped over.
Th-This graveyard
is obviously phony.
Nobody will ever notice that.
Filmmaking is not
about the tiny details.
- It`s about the big picture.
- The big picture?
- Yes.
Then how about when the
policemen arrived in daylight,
but now it`s suddenly night?
What do you know? Haven`t you
heard of suspension of disbelief?
- Reverend, I`m here.
- Ohh!
- Who is he?
- This is our choir director.
He`s going to play
the young hero.
Are you people insane?
I`m the director!
I make the casting decisions
around here!
Well, I thought this
was a group effort.
- No?
- They`re driving me crazy!
These Baptists are stupid,
stupid, stupid!
Okay. I gotta calm down.
Gotta calm down.
Gotta calm down.
Take a deep breath.
All right, everybody.
Let`s get set up for scene 1 1 2.
Move the crypt stage left,
and let`s get Tor`s makeup effect ready.
- Mr. Wood, what do you
think you`re doing?
- I`m directing.
Not like that, you`re not!
Remove that getup immediately.
You shame our Lord.
That`s it! I can`t take it!
Take me to the nearest bar
and make it snappy.
Imperial Whiskey.
Oh, my gosh.
Orson Welles.
- Excuse me, sir?
- Yes?
Well, I`m a young filmmaker
and a real big fan.
I-- I just wanted
to meet you.
My pleasure.
I`m Orson Welles.
I`m, uh, Edward D. Wood,Jr.
What you working on?
Well, the financing just fell through
for the third time on Don Quixote.
Do you know? I can`t believe it. That
sounds just exactly like my problems.
It`s the damn money men. They never know
who`s a windbag and who`s got the goods.
- Then they all think they`re directors.
- Ain`t that the truth.
Do you know that I`ve even had
producers re-cut my movies?
- I hate when that happens.
- And they`re always trying
to cast their buddies.
- It doesn`t even matter
if they`re right for the part.
- Tell me about it.
I`m supposed to do
a thriller at Universal...
but they want Charlton Heston
to play a Mexican.
Ah, Mr. Welles,
is it all worth it?
It is when it works.
You know, the one film of mine
where I had total control, Kane?
The studio hated it...
but they didn`t get
to touch a frame.
- Ed.
- Yes?
Visions are worth fighting for.
Why spend your life making
someone else`s dreams?
Thank you...
- Mr. Reynolds?
- Yes.
We are gonna finish this picture
just the way I want it...
because you cannot compromise
an artist`s vision.
-But it`s our money.
-And you`re gonna make a bundle...
but only if you shut up
and let me do things my way.
All right, gang. Actors in positions.
Let`s finish this picture.
Wanna give him a hand?
Keep rolling.
Now, that`s an alien.
- What plan will you follow now?
- Plan 9.
Plan 9. Ah, yes.
Plan 9 deals with
the resurrection of the dead.
Long-distance electrodes shot...
into the pineal and pituitary
glands of the recent dead.
You know, maybe you guys were right.
Plan 9 is a good title.
I want that lightning,
I want those two explosions...
- and I`ve got to have
more shots of the military!
- Right.
And, cut!
All right, friends.
Prepare for scene 3 2.
- M-Mr. Wood?
- Yeah?
- Where`s the cockpit set?
- You`re standing in it.
But what if we develop
this solenite bomb?
Then we`d be
a stronger nation too.
stronger? You see?
You see? Your stupid minds.
stupid! stupid!
- That`s all I`m gonna take out of you!
- Oh!
Cut. Action.
Greetings, my friend.
We are all interested
in the future...
for that is where you and I are going
to spend the rest of our lives.
And remember, my friend...
future events such as these
will effect you in the future.
And, cut!
That`s a wrap.
I can`t get it up.
It`s stuck.
Eddie, you`re gonna be late
for your own premiere.
All right. Forget it.
Ladies and gentlemen, you`re about
to see an extraordinary motion picture.
But before it begins, I think
we should all give a hand to the man...
without whom we wouldn`t
be here tonight.
Eddie, take a bow!
Thanks a million.
I just want to say...
that this film...
is for Bela.
The grief ofhis wife`s death...
became greater
and greater agony.
The home they had
so long shared together...
became a tomb...
a sweet memory
ofherjoyous living.
The sky to which
he had once looked...
was now only a covering
for her dead body.
The ever-beautiful flowers
she had planted...
with her own hands...
became nothing more than
the lost roses ofher cheeks.
Confused by his great loss...
the old man left that home...
never to return again.
This is the one.
This is the one
I`ll be remembered for.
Ah, gee, honey,
I`m so happy for ya.
- say, let`s get married.
- Huh?
- Right now. Let`s go to Vegas.
- But, Eddie, it`s pouring
and the car top is stuck.
- Phooey!
It`s only a five-hour drive,
and it`ll probably stop by
the time we get to the desert.
Heck, it`ll probably stop
by the time we get around the corner.
Let`s go.