Eddie's Life Coach (2017) Movie Script
Go, go, go! Come on, come on.
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Level 43! Whoa!
Whoa. Okay, head rush.
Hey, there! Do you still
live with your parents,
eat junk food and have
inflatable furniture?
Idiot.
You probably think I'm an idiot.
What?
But I'm Garry "The
Winner" Wishmann.
Send me $99.95 and I'll send you my
patented earphones of enlightenment.
There, I'll guide you personally
from chump to champion in one week.
Whereupon, you'll receive an
official graduation certificate.
Oh, please.
What kind of lame-wad
would need that?
For you, sir.
Wait, what? Who sent this?
Your mother!
Mom, you know I scare easily.
Now, you must complete the course and
bring me the graduation certificate,
or I'm kicking you out.
I just ordered new curtains.
One week, darling. Bye, Eddie.
This is so stupid.
"This is so stupid."
- Huh?
- That's what you're thinking.
But now's not the time to think,
now's the time to begin
your transformation.
First, you gotta organize your exterior
before you can organize your interior.
Next, remove all distractions.
Bye, little buddy.
Wake up!
Now that we've cleaned your outside,
it's time to clean your inside.
Ah!
Mmm...
Mmm, don't even have to chew it.
Up and at 'em!
I'm awake, I'm awake. What now?
It's time to get physical!
Physical.
Sorry. Trying to dance in here.
Ah! Excuse me.
Ow!
- Rise and shine!
- Yes, Garry.
It's time to kick it up a notch.
Kick it up a notch.
Way to go!
The week is over and the graduation
certificate is as good as yours...
I did it! I'm a winner!
...as soon as you send
me an additional $99.95.
What? But I did
everything you said.
I ate kale. Do you know how
hard it was to eat kale?
You owe me a certificate!
Do you hear me?
- I, uh...
- Listen, Wishmann.
I need that certificate.
- Okay, so here's the...
- Garry!
Stop playing those video
games and go clean the pool!
Yes, Mother.
You're Garry "The
Winner" Wishmann?
It's just Garry.
I've been treating you
like my lord and master.
Sorry, the whole commercial
was my mom's idea.
She's like, "Get some ambition,
or I'm kicking you out."
Dude, we're living
the same life.
Wait a minute. Is that the original
edish of Diamonds of Greyfork?
Hey, dawg, thanks for
the certificate.
My mom, like, totally framed it.
My mom won't get off my back.
Just tell her we're flowers
waiting to blossom.
- Like we are about to blossom into Level 43!
- Level43!
- Yes!
- Yeah!
Are you a flower
waiting to blossom?
Are your parents on your
back and can't get them off?
Then I can help.
- Idiot.
- Idiot.
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Level 43! Whoa!
Whoa. Okay, head rush.
Hey, there! Do you still
live with your parents,
eat junk food and have
inflatable furniture?
Idiot.
You probably think I'm an idiot.
What?
But I'm Garry "The
Winner" Wishmann.
Send me $99.95 and I'll send you my
patented earphones of enlightenment.
There, I'll guide you personally
from chump to champion in one week.
Whereupon, you'll receive an
official graduation certificate.
Oh, please.
What kind of lame-wad
would need that?
For you, sir.
Wait, what? Who sent this?
Your mother!
Mom, you know I scare easily.
Now, you must complete the course and
bring me the graduation certificate,
or I'm kicking you out.
I just ordered new curtains.
One week, darling. Bye, Eddie.
This is so stupid.
"This is so stupid."
- Huh?
- That's what you're thinking.
But now's not the time to think,
now's the time to begin
your transformation.
First, you gotta organize your exterior
before you can organize your interior.
Next, remove all distractions.
Bye, little buddy.
Wake up!
Now that we've cleaned your outside,
it's time to clean your inside.
Ah!
Mmm...
Mmm, don't even have to chew it.
Up and at 'em!
I'm awake, I'm awake. What now?
It's time to get physical!
Physical.
Sorry. Trying to dance in here.
Ah! Excuse me.
Ow!
- Rise and shine!
- Yes, Garry.
It's time to kick it up a notch.
Kick it up a notch.
Way to go!
The week is over and the graduation
certificate is as good as yours...
I did it! I'm a winner!
...as soon as you send
me an additional $99.95.
What? But I did
everything you said.
I ate kale. Do you know how
hard it was to eat kale?
You owe me a certificate!
Do you hear me?
- I, uh...
- Listen, Wishmann.
I need that certificate.
- Okay, so here's the...
- Garry!
Stop playing those video
games and go clean the pool!
Yes, Mother.
You're Garry "The
Winner" Wishmann?
It's just Garry.
I've been treating you
like my lord and master.
Sorry, the whole commercial
was my mom's idea.
She's like, "Get some ambition,
or I'm kicking you out."
Dude, we're living
the same life.
Wait a minute. Is that the original
edish of Diamonds of Greyfork?
Hey, dawg, thanks for
the certificate.
My mom, like, totally framed it.
My mom won't get off my back.
Just tell her we're flowers
waiting to blossom.
- Like we are about to blossom into Level 43!
- Level43!
- Yes!
- Yeah!
Are you a flower
waiting to blossom?
Are your parents on your
back and can't get them off?
Then I can help.
- Idiot.
- Idiot.