Election (1999) Movie Script
Hey, Mr. McAllister.
Not wasting any time,
are you, Tracy?
You know what they say
about the early bird.
Yeah, I do.
Good luck there, Tracy.
Thanks, Mr. M.
I'll see you in class.
None of this
would've happened
if Mr. McAllister hadn't
meddled the way he did.
He should've just accepted
things as they are,
instead of trying
to interfere with destiny.
You see, you can't
interfere with destiny.
That's why it's destiny.
And if you try to interfere,
the same thing's
just gonna happen anyway,
and you'll just suffer.
It's hard to remember
how the whole thing started,
the whole election mess.
What I do remember
is that I loved my job.
I was a teacher,
an educator,
and I couldn't imagine
doing anything else.
Mr. McAllister.
Mr. M!
Quit day dreaming.
Get back to work.
The students knew
it wasn't just a job for me.
I got involved.
Put down the cards, boys!
This game is over!
And I cared.
Come on, Wolverines!
Defense! Let's go!
And I think
I made a difference.
I knew I touched
the students' lives
during their difficult
young adult years.
And I took that
responsibility seriously.
In the 12 years
I taught U.S. history,
civics, and current events
at Carver,
I was voted
Teacher of the Year 3 times.
A school record.
Teaching was all
I'd ever wanted to do.
Standing in front of
a roomful of young people,
trying to get them excited
about the world,
trying to make them think,
preparing them for the tough
moral and ethical decisions
that they'd face as adults,
that's how I wanted
to spend my life.
So is this
a moral situation
or an ethical situation?
What's the difference between
morals and ethics anyway?
Anybody?
Derek.
Yeah. Ethics is
like when you do
what society tells you
is right to do.
And morals...
Yeah, yeah,
you're on the right track.
Can anybody help him out?
Michelle.
Morals are like...
lessons.
You know, like
the moral of a story.
It's what you learn
from a story or a fable.
Or a life experience. Good.
And ethics?
Um, ethics is how
you use the morals
that you learn
from the story?
Yeah, OK, but I think we're
missing something key here.
What are we missing?
Tracy.
Ethics are rules of conduct...
Tracy Flick.
Tracy Flick.
I'd seen a lot of
ambitious students
come and go over the years,
but Tracy Flick,
she was a special case.
Some people say
I'm an overachiever,
but I think
they're just jealous.
My mom always tells me
I'm different.
You know, special.
And if you look
at all the things
I've accomplished so far,
I think you'd have to agree.
Here I am as Hodel in
FiddlerOn The Roof.
Matchmaker, matchmaker,
I'll bring the veil
You bring the groom
And here I am on KCHS,
our student-run TV station.
The littering must stop.
Tracy Flick reporting.
But it was in the S.G.A.,
the Student Government
Association,
where I made my biggest mark.
I never missed a single meeting.
And I volunteered
for every committee,
as long as I could lead it.
I agree with Ashley!
I think we should rent
the barrels ahead of time
because what happened
last time was a travesty.
It was ridiculous,
and I think it really
reflected poorly on all ofus.
Now Tracy Flick
was poised to win
the presidency
ofthe student body.
And so far,
she was running unopposed.
Determined by a culture
at a certain time in history.
Oh, there's
one more thing about Tracy
I think you should know.
Her pussy gets so wet
you can't believe it.
Don't tell me that.
Don't tell me that.
I don't want to know that.
A few months
before the election,
she'd gotten herself
in a little trouble
with my best friend
Dave Novotny.
Foxy
Dave came to Carver
the year after I did,
and we hit it off right away.
Dave was one of those guys
who taught
because they never wanted
to leave high school
in the first place.
But basically, he was a good guy.
Our wives became best friends, too.
And when Dave and Linda's
son Darryl was born,
they asked us to be
his godparents.
You probably think the worst,
that Mr. Novotny was
taking horrible advantage
of one of his students.
But it wasn't like that at all.
Our relationship was
based on mutual respect
and admiration.
I mean, during my
sophomore year in geometry,
it was strictly
professional between us.
I mean, nothing.
It wasn't until junior year
when we worked together
on the year book
that things got kind of serious.
One night he took
us editors out to celebrate
after a deadline.
Eventually, Dave and I
were left alone,
and we got to talking.
Not like teacher and student,
but like 2 adults.
You know, Tracy,
I notice that
you don't seem to have
any close friends at Carver.
You seem to be kind of a loner.
No, I'm not.
I'm just real busy.
Oh, no. I know, I know
it's not by choice.
I just mean that, that, well...
being the kind of person you are,
it must be really difficult foryou
to find somebody
you could talk to.
What do you mean?
What kind of person am I?
Tracy, you know, I've been
watching you for going on...
and I think you are
one of the most talented,
hard-working,
sensitive, attractive,
brilliant students I...
No.
Human beings I have ever met.
Thank you.
And I know that
sometimes people like you
have to pay a price
for their greatness.
And that price is loneliness.
I don't know.
maybe I'm wrong, but...
it just seems to me like
you might need a friend.
Since I grew up
without a dad,
you might assume, psychologically,
I was looking
for a father figure.
But that had nothing
to do with it at all.
It was just that
Dave was so strong,
and he made me feel
so safe and protected.
It was the first time
somebody ever saw the real me,
the me that nobody else knows.
OK, here. Get down. Get down.
You're once
Twice
Three times a lady
And I love you
Yes, you're once
Twice
Three times a lady
And I love you
I love
You
When I think back
on my relationship
with Mr. Novotny,
what I miss most is our talks.
You did it in your house?
In your own house?
OK, I know it seems crazy, but...
Jim, what I'm trying
to tell you is that...
Tracy and I...
are totally, totally...
in love.
- In love?
- Yeah.
It's serious.
She inspires me in ways
that Linda never has.
She even wants to read my novel.
But you haven't
written your novel.
That's the whole point!
I... I've got the whole thing
right here!
I just need
to get it out there.
And Tracy wants me to write it
so she can read it.
It's beautiful.
Dave...
I'm just saying this
as your friend.
What you're doing is
really, really wrong,
and you've gotta stop.
The line you've crossed is...
It's immoral,
and it's illegal.
Jim, come on.
I don't need a lecture on ethics.
I'm not talking about ethics.
I'm talking about morals.
What's the difference?
I guess
I don't have to tell you
how this all turned out.
Tracy's mom...
she doesn't understand.
No. I'd say she doesn't.
Fact is, I have never seen
a mother so upset.
All right. I know what
Tracy told her mother,
what her mother told me.
I need to hear this from you
because I have
a legal responsibility here.
Let me ask you this.
Did you cross the line
with this girl?
I di...
W-We...
We're in love.
Your novel?!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Linda...
After Dave got fired,
Linda kicked him out of the house
and filed for divorce.
He ended up
moving back to Milwaukee
to live with his parents.
He's lucky he's not in jail.
Linda!
And ethics are the basis of...
OK. We'll pick up here next time.
Would it be possible for me
to retake the test
we took yesterday?
The test yesterday?
You wanna retake it?
Yeah. I had to work
the night before,
and I didn't have
enough time to study.
Oh, yeah?
Now that I have
more life experience,
I feel sorry
for Mr. McAllister.
I mean, anyone who's stuck
in the same little room,
wearing the same stupid clothes,
same exact same things
year after year
for his whole life,
while his students
go on to good colleges
and move to big cities
and do great things
and make loads of money,
he's gotta be at least
a little jealous.
I noticed it was
a little low for you.
It's like my mom says:
The weak are always trying
to sabotage the strong.
One thing that's important
to know about me
is that I'm an only child,
so my mom
is really devoted to me.
And I love her so much.
She wants me
to do all the things
that she wanted to do
in life but couldn't.
Mom used to be a stewardess
for Northwest,
and now she works as a paralegal.
She likes to write letters
to successful women
like Elizabeth Dole
and Connie Chung
and ask them how they got
to be where they are
and what advice
do they have for me,
Tracy, her daughter.
they say you have
to hold onto your dreams
no matter what.
The pressures women face
mean you have to work
twice as hard,
and you can't let anything
or anyone stand in your way.
Hey! Hey!
One per person!
Put those back!
Eat me.
But you know,
winning isn't everything.
Win or lose, ethical conduct
is the most important thing.
Just ask Mr. McAllister.
Mr. McAllister!
Mr. McAllister, wait up!
Mr. McAllister, don't go!
I got all my signatures.
There's 158, way more than I need.
Hey, that's super.
Here they are.
Oh, you can just
put them in my box,
and I'll take a look
at them tomorrow.
Could you approve them now
because I'd really like
to kick off my campaign
right away, you know,
in the morning.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
Those look good to me.
Aren't you supposed to keep them?
No. That's fiine.
I thought you were
supposed to keep them.
Yeah, right, fiine, OK.
Thanks for everything.
You bet.
I can't wait
to start campaigning.
What's that?
I can't wait
to start campaigning.
Oh. Well, it should
be easy for you.
So far, no competition.
Yeah, but you know,
Coca-Cola's by far
the world's number one soft drink,
and they spend
more money than anybody
on advertising.
I guess that's how come
they stay number one.
Yeah.
OK. Well, good luck there, Tracy.
You know, Mr. M...
when I win the presidency,
that means you and I
are gonna be spending
a lot of time together,
and I for one would really
like that time to be...
harmonious and productive.
Wouldn't you?
Sure.
OK.
That's what I thought.
I was just checking.
Yeah. Good luck there, Tracy.
OK.
I don't blame Tracy
for what happened with Dave.
How could I?
Dave was an adult,
more than twice her age.
Sure, she got on my nerves
once in a while,
but I admired Tracy.
I really did.
Thank God for Diane.
She was my best friend.
My source of love and strength.
Oh, sure, we'd had
our share of bumpy times,
but we'd always seen them through.
After 9 years of marriage,
we were closer than ever.
Anything wrong?
No. No.
Just, you know, school.
When I win the presidency,
we're gonna be spending
a lot of time together.
Lots and lots and lots oftime.
President and advisor.
Harmonious and productive.
Close and special.
You... and I.
Hey, P.J.
What are you doing here
in the boys' locker room?
I've come to see
the star quarterback
before the big game.
But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Oh, that's OK.
I took care of him.
So, uh, what you reading?
I'm just reviewing my playbook.
I have a playwe can practice.
You be quarterback.
I'll be tight end.
You know,
Coca-Cola is by far
the world's number one soft drink.
Paul.
Aah!
Aah! Aaahhh!
Aah!
I was so mad at God
when I broke my leg
at Shadow Ridge over Christmas break.
Why?!
The doctors told me
I'd have to quit sports
for at least a couple
ofyears, if not forever,
which meant
no first-string quarterback
in the fall.
It was like the end of my life.
When I got back to school,
everybody was so supportive,
and they all wanted to sign
my cast and everything,
but I still couldn't
shake the feeling
that now my life had no purpose.
What did God want from me?
Why did I exist?
Sometimes you can search
everywhere for answers.
Then one day,
destiny just walks up
and taps you on the shoulder.
I know because it happened to me.
Paul, can I speak
to you for a minute?
Mr. McAllister
changed my life.
And no matter what they say
he did or did not do,
I believe he is a good man.
Paul, I know you've
been pretty down
since your accident.
Yeah. I wanted to play
football again so bad
I could taste it,
and maybe go on
to the playoffs and...
I know.
I understand disappointment.
I really do.
Yeah.
Now, I personally think
you have a very bright
future ahead of you.
And I'm not talking about
the fleeting glory of sports.
What do you mean?
Let me give you a clue.
You're a natural-born leader.
You're one ofthe most
popular students at Carver.
You're honest,
you're straight forward,
and you don't crack under pressure,
as we all saw in
an amazing fourth quarter
against West side.
All the kids look up to you.
Now, what does that spell?
Student...
council...
president.
Who, me?
Oh, no. I...
I don't know anything
about that stuff, Mr. M.
I mean, besides,
that's Tracy Flick's thing.
She's always working so hard.
Yeah. She's a real
go-getter, all right.
And she's super nice.
Yeah, yeah,
but one person assured of victory
kind of undermines the whole idea
of democracy, don't you think?
But, Mr. M...
I mean, that'd be more
like a dictatorship
like we studied.
But, Mr. M, there's...
Paul, what's your favorite fruit?
Pears.
Pears. Good. OK.
Let's say...
Oh, no, wait.
Apples.
Apples.
Fine.
Let's say all you
ever knew were apples.
Apples, apples, more apples.
You might think apples
were pretty good,
even if you got a rotten
one once in a while.
But then one day...
there's an orange.
And now you can
make a decision.
Do you want an apple
or do you want an orange?
That's democracy.
I also like bananas.
Exactly. Good.
So what do you say?
Maybe it's time to give
a little something back.
How's that?
I think that's...
No. Just a little higher.
A little higher.
Is this OK?
Eric, you can't put tape
on the outside of the poster.
It goes on the back
ofthe poster.
You better just take
the whole thing down
and redo it.
Aaah-a-a-aaaah
Who put you up to this?
Oh, hi, Tracy.
Who put you up to this?
What do you mean?
You just woke up this morning
and suddenly decided
to run for president?
No. Um, no,
I just thought that, uh...
Thought what?
Well, I was talking to
Mr. McAllister about my leg
and how I still want to do
something for the school and...
So Mr. McAllister
asked you to run.
Well, um, I talked to him
and everything,
but he just said that he thought
it would be a good idea
and how there's all different
kinds of fruits and, uh...
It's nothing against you, Tracy.
I mean, you're the best.
Uh, I just thought, uh...
OK.
You're on, Mr. Popular.
You might think it
upset me that Paul Metzler
had decided to run against me,
but nothing could be
further from the truth.
He was no competition for me.
It was like apples and oranges.
I had to work
a little harder, that's all.
You see,
I believe in the voters.
They understand that elections
aren't just popularity contests.
They know this country was built
by people just like me
who work very hard
and don't have everything
handed to them
on a silver spoon.
Not like some rich kids
who everybody likes
because their fathers
own Metzler Cement
and give them trucks
on their 16th birthday
and throw them big parties
all the time.
No. They don't ever
have to work for anything.
They think they can just,
all of a sudden,
one day out ofthe blue
waltz right in
with no qualifications whatsoever
and try to take away
what other people have worked for
very, very hard their entire lives!
No!
Didn't bother me at all!
Paul.
Paul power.
Paul...
Paul for president.
Paul for president.
Promise.
Progress.
Peanut.
There's a place I know
Whereyou can look down
The air makes you feel light
The air makes you feel right
What?
I told you. I can't.
It just doesn't
feel right anymore.
But I love you.
I said no.
Hey, Tammy, guess
what happened today.
Don't you fucking knock?
Yeah. Oh, hi, Lisa.
Get out, Paul!
Listen. So Mr. McAllister,
he calls me in,
and he tells me...
I gotta go.
You dumb shit!
What'd I do?
It's not like
I'm a lesbian or anything.
I'm attracted to the person.
It's just that all the people
I've ever been attracted to
happen to be girls.
Lisa, wait!
Stop!
What?
Where you going?
I'm not like you, OK?
What do you mean?
I'm not a dyke.
And we're not in love.
We were just...
experimenting.
How can something
that seemed so true
turn out to be such a lie?
Lisa and I were destined
to be together.
Of all the people in the planet
who had ever lived,
somehow we'd found each other.
It was like a miracle.
We had so much fun together,
like the time we ate
a bunch of asparagus
to see how long it takes
before your pee smells funny.
It was very scientific.
For me, it was 11 minutes.
For her, it was 17.
Every day I found a new way
to tell Lisa
how much I loved her.
"If you died right now,
I would throw myself under
one of my dad's cement trucks
and get poured into your tomb."
But it just seemed
like the closer we got,
the more she pulled away.
Are you crazy?
What?
These are private.
These are for us.
So?
But other people
can see them, too.
I don't care.
Well, I do.
What did I do
to make her change?
What's wrong with me?
Sometimes when I'm sad,
I sit and watch
the power station.
They say if you lie between
your body just evaporates.
You become a gas.
I wonder what that
would feel like.
I don't know why,
but Lisa decided
she wanted to hurt me.
And she knew exactly what to do.
I sure was surprised
the day Lisa Flanagan
asked me for a ride home
and ended up blowing me.
I've wanted this for so long.
I mean, life is so weird.
First, Lisa has a big fight
with my sister,
and the next thing you know,
she's my girlfriend.
Since Lisa knew all about
public relations and stuff,
she offered to help me
with my campaign.
We made a great team.
It seemed so natural,
the two of us together.
It was like a miracle.
My leg wasn't bugging me too much
and the weather was so nice.
And every day after school
Lisa and I would go to her house
to fuck and have a hot tub.
If that's the way
they wanted it,
then that's the way
it was gonna be.
But I wasn't going down
without a fight.
Tammy?
Tammy, what are you doing?
You're the advisor.
You should stop her.
She's not qualified.
She's just a sophomore.
Did you know that?
Calm down, Tracy.
Just calm down.
We can't both run, can we?
I mean, we're brother and sister.
Can we?
It's a conflict of interest,
and Paul was first.
Anybody who gets signatures
in on time can run,
and she got in
just under the wire.
These are a bunch of burnouts.
And what's this one?
It's illegible.
I can't even read that.
That's Tim... Cobsa.
She's doing this
to get back at me.
For what?
I mean, at you.
For what?
Tim Cobsa?
Tim Cobsa? Who's he?
I've never even heard of him.
Look, why don't we
just forget about Tammy?
We'll have the assembly tomorrow.
Everybody can make their speeches,
and I'm sure everything's
gonna be just fine.
Hey! Whee!
Jim, don't.
You're scaring him.
Nah. He likes it.
Not that much.
Around that time,
Diane and I were
hanging out a lot
at Linda Novotny's house,
giving her our love and support
and helping her make it
through a difficult time.
Diane really wanted to have kids,
and so did I,
but it seemed like there
was always a reason to wait:
She had to finish
nursing school,
I had to get my master's,
we needed a new house,
we needed more money.
Finally, we just decided
to go for it.
You gonna do it?
You gonna do it?
And for over a year,
we hadn't had any luck.
Come on. Do it. Do it.
Fill me up. Come on.
Fill me up.
Fill me up.
OK.
Good job.
Say, Jim?
Jim, can you get this?
I can't.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Just put it on the table.
All right.
Without Dave around,
Linda needed a lot of help
around the house.
Where do you want it, here?
No.
More this way.
Here?
Uh, yeah. That's good.
I had always liked Linda,
but we'd never had a chance
to spend any time
alone together.
Oughta warm you up a little bit.
Now with Dave
out of the picture,
I began to see what
an incredibly sensitive
and giving person she was.
We got to be
kind of like buddies.
I even took her to the mall
one time
while her car was in the shop.
What do you think?
You look great.
I can't afford this stuff right now.
Ah, come on.
You've had a hard year.
You're cooped up
all the time with the kid.
Let go. Live a little.
You sure?
Yeah.
So what do you think?
Should we get a room?
Should we get a what?
That's not funny.
How'd it go?
Fine.
You know...
just went to Westerly's.
Did you guys have fun?
Um...
yeah.
No, I mean... you know.
What?
Well, Linda's great,
but she can be
a little bit much sometimes.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Oh, just like that.
Yeah.
Fill me up.
Fill me up.
Oh... yeah.
Fill me up.
Oh, God.
Just like that.
Oh, yeah.
Fill me up.
God. Oh, God!
Oh, God. Just like that.
Do it, Jim. Fuck me.
Do it, Jim.
Just like that.
Do it, Jim. Fill me up.
Just like that.
Do it, Mr. M.
Do it. Fuck me, Mr. M.
Fuck me!
Fuck me hard, Mr. McAllister.
Harder! Harder!
Fuck me, Mr. McAllister.
Fuck me hard!
Harder! Fuck me! Please!
So like I was saying,
things were going
pretty well in my life.
That is, until things
started going all hay wire
with that damn election.
I love Carver High.
And I will be a dedicated
vice president.
A vote for Jerry Slavin is
a vote for good government.
And even if I can't really
stand up for you, I will.
Thank you.
Thank you, Jerry.
Thank you and good luck.
Again, Jerry is running
unopposed for vice president.
So, we'll move on now
to the presidential race
with 3 candidates running.
The first,
in alphabetical order,
is Tracy Flick.
Tracy?
Poet Henry David Thoreau
once wrote,
"I cannot make my days longer,
so I strive to make them better."
With this election,
we here at Carver
also have an opportunity
to make our
high school days better.
During this campaign,
I've spoken with many of you
about your many concerns.
I spoke with Eliza Ramirez,
a freshman who said
she feels alienated
from her own home room.
I spoke with sophomore Reggie Banks
who said his mother works
in the cafeteria
and can't afford to buy him
enough spiral notebooks
for his classes.
Eat me!
Eat me raw!
All right, now.
Hey, ifyou can't be adults
and give these candidates
the courtesy they deserve,
then you don't deserve to be
called adults but children
because that's what children are,
and you'll be treated like children.
So let's all listen up, huh?
I care about Carver,
and I care about each
and every one of you.
And together, we can all
make a difference.
When you cast your vote
for Tracy Flick next week,
you won't just be voting for me.
You'll be voting for yourself
and for every other student
here at Carver.
Our days might not be any longer,
but they can sure be better.
Thank you.
The... The next candidate
for student body president
is Paul Metzler.
Paul?
Woof woof woof woof
woof woof woof woof!.
- Whoo!
- Hey, Paul!
Paul!
"As many of you know,
I broke my leg pretty bad this year,
and the experience
has made me reevaluate
what I want to do with my life,
and that is help people.
When you think about it,
a school is more than a school.
It's our second home,
where we spend all our time
and grow as individuals
in the community.
But is our school
everything it could be?
I want our school to reach
its true potential.
That's why I'm running for president.
I know what it is
to fight hard and win,
like when we almost went
to State last fall
and I threw the fourth quarter
pass against Westside
for the touchdown that
won the game by 3 points.
I won't let you down
like I didn't then,
and I promise we can all score
a winning touchdown together.
Vote Paul Metzler
for president.
Thank you."
OK, Paul.
The final candidate for
student council president
is another one
ofthe Metzler clan,
sophomore Tammy Metzler.
Tammy.
Ha ha ha ha!
People! People!
Who cares about
this stupid election?
We all know it doesn't matter
who gets elected
president of Carver.
Do you really think it's gonna
change anything around here,
make one single person
smarter or happier
or nicer?
The only person
it does matter to
is the one who gets elected.
The same pathetic charade
happens every year,
and everyone makes
the same pathetic promises
just so they could put it
on their transcripts
to get into college.
So vote for me
because I don't even
wanna go to college,
and I don't care.
And as president,
I won't do anything.
The only promise I will make
is that, if elected,
I will immediately dismantle
the student government
so that none of us will
ever have to sit through
one of these
stupid assemblies again!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Tammy! Tammy! Tammy! Tammy!
Tammy! Tammy! Tammy! Tammy!
Tammy! Tammy!
Or don't vote for me!
Who cares?!
Don't vote at all!
Close the door.
I tell you, that little bitch
made a fool out of us.
I want her out of this election.
I mean, getting everybody
all riled up like that.
She is washed up,
you understand me?
She's finished.
Well, we can't throw
her out of the election
just because we
don't like her speech.
That's not what student
government is about.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Look, all I know is
she's a troublemaker,
she's on my list.
All we need to do
is send a message.
So maybe, uh, we should
just suspend her.
That's it. 3 days,
she's suspended for 3 days.
Being suspended is
like getting a paid vacation.
Why do they think
it's a punishment?
It's like your dog
pees on the carpet
and you give him a treat.
Then you get in trouble
for skipping school.
It's so stupid.
Hendricks told me,
"One more time"
and I'd be expelled.
Sounded good to me.
Oh, hi, Tammy.
What do you want?
Well, I went to all your teachers
and got your assignments for you.
I... I just thought, you know,
last time you got suspended
you fell so far behind,
and I just didn't want
to see that happen again.
Thanks, Paul. Thanks a lot.
Sure. You bet.
Now could you leave me alone?
Oh, yeah. Um,
Tammy, there's just
one other thing.
You know all
this election stuff,
'cause everybody's
saying it's really weird
that you're running against me
and everything,
and it is kind of weird.
You haven't really told me
why you're doing it
and you didn't
tell me in advance,
but that's OK.
I respect your privacy,
it's just...
I want you to know
that no matter who wins,
you or me,
there's no hard feelings.
We're still brother
and sister, OK,
even though you're adopted,
'cause I hope you feel the same.
What happened
at the speeches
was an unconscionable travesty.
That little bitch Tammy Metzler
wanted to make a fool out of me.
Well, it wasn't gonna work.
Ifall those students
who cheered for Tammy Metzler
only knew how hard
I worked for Carver,
like all the late nights
I spend at the year book office
just to give them
their stinking memories.
One of my duties was
to clean up the group photos.
It was a cinch
with our new software.
People are so ungrateful.
Ahh-a-a-aah, aaah-a-a-aaah
Aaagh! Aaagh!
Aaagh!
The day before the election
was when things started
to get really complicated.
There's your culprit.
Linda had asked me to stop by
on my way to school
to help her out with
a little plumbing problem.
Did you know Dave's a bed-wetter?
No. No, I... I didn't know that.
All his life.
He's tried everything.
Is that still running clear?
Yeah.
Better let it run for a while.
OK.
Oh, wait.
Here. This one's clean.
I guess you better
get to work, huh?
You're gonna be late.
Yeah.
Thank you, Jim.
It was something
that just happened.
Neither of us expected it.
Neither of us planned it.
But once we started, we knew
there was no turning back.
It was a miracle.
Oh, Jim.
Hey, take me to that motel,
like you wanted.
Now?
Um, come by after school.
I'll leave Darryl with a sitter.
Oh. 3:25.
OK, 3:25.
What had blossomed
between Linda and me
was too real,
too powerful to deny.
For the first time in years,
I felt free and alive.
Hiya, Jim.
It's not fair,
it's just not fair.
I just don't think somebody
would do something
like that on purpose.
It must be some
sort of mistake,
like a maintenance thing.
Jim, where the hell
have you been?
Nowhere. I... I don't
have any classes
till second period.
Well, I tried you at home,
and we've got a situation here.
If Paul loses
this election tomorrow,
there has to be another one
with posters.
Somebody tore down their posters.
Those posters cost
us a lot of money,
and there's no time
to make any more.
All right, we'll get
to the bottom of it.
We still have some extra ones,
don't we?
Maybe we could just use those.
It was Tammy.
That's who it was.
Oh, no. Hey, like I said,
she just wouldn't do
something like that.
Well, that speech that she gave,
you know, it was pretty...
It was out there.
But we'll get
to the bottom of it.
I want you two to go back,
I want you to focus on your studies.
Mr. McAllister will handle
the whole thing.
Right, Jim?
What's that? Oh, yeah.
Sure, yeah, you bet.
Tracy.
Tracy, come on in.
Close the door behind you.
Have a seat.
I guess you know
why you're here.
If it's about the posters,
I think it's awful.
I think it's a travesty.
Travesty, huh?
Well, that's interesting,
because I think you did it.
What?
Are you accusing me?
You're not serious.
Mr. McAllister,
we've worked together
on the S.G.A. for 3 solid years.
Besides, my own best banner
was torn down.
Did I do that, too?
Were you or were you not
working in the Looking Glass Office
over the weekend?
I was. So?
Mr. Paterno let me in.
As you know, with my
many responsibilities,
I often have to come in
on the weekend.
And I have permission to do so.
But I left very early,
around 6:30.
How do you know what time
the posters were torn down?
I don't. I just know
that they were there when I left.
I'm giving you helpful
information, that's all.
You know, instead
of wasting your time
interrogating me,
we should be out there
trying to figure out
who did this.
OK, Tracy.
Who do you think did it?
Whom should we interrogate?
Well, I don't know.
You know, it could
have been anybody.
There's a lot of subversive
elements here at Carver,
like Rick Thiessen or
Kevin Speck and those burnouts.
Or what about Tammy Metzler?
I mean, her whole thing
is being anti-this and anti-that.
Tracy, you're
a very intelligent girl.
You have a lot of
admirable qualities.
But one day maybe you'll learn
that being smart
and doing whatever you
need to do to get ahead
and, yes, stepping
on other people
to get there,
well, there's a whole lot
more to life than that.
And, in the end, you're
only cheating yourself.
Why are you lecturing me?
This isn't the time or
the place to get into it.
But there is,
for just one example,
a certain former colleague of mine
who made a very big mistake,
a life mistake.
Now, I think
the lesson here is that,
old or young,
we all make mistakes.
And we have to learn
that our actions,
all of them, can carry
serious consequences.
Mm-hmm. I don't know
what you're referring to,
but maybe if certain
older, wiser people
hadn't acted like such little babies
and gotten so mushy,
then everything would be OK.
I agree, and I also think
that certain young and naive people
need to thank their lucky stars
and be very, very grateful
the entire school didn't find out
about certain indiscretions
that could've ruined
their reputations
and their chances
to win certain elections.
And I think
certain older people,
like you and your colleague,
shouldn't be letching
after their students,
especially when some of them
can't even get
their own wives pregnant,
and they certainly shouldn't be
making slanderous accusations,
especially when certain
young, naive people's mothers
are paralegal secretaries
at the city's biggest law firm
and have won many
successful lawsuits.
And if you want to keep
questioning me like this,
I won't continue
without my attorney present.
You wanted to see me,
Mr. McAllister?
Just wait outside, Tammy.
OK, but is this
about the posters?
Possibly. Please,
just wait outside.
OK, because I know who did it.
So, I'll just be outside.
Don't go anywhere, Tracy.
Tammy, come on in here.
This ought to be good.
So, what do you have
to tell me, Tammy?
Well, this is hard for me,
but I think it's
important to be honest,
don't you?
Yeah. What is it, Tammy?
I did it. I'm the one
who tore down Paul's posters.
I did it.
When did you do it?
I don't know...
Yesterday, Sunday.
How'd you get into the school?
Door was open.
Which door?
I don't know.
All I know is I did it.
Well, I don't believe you.
I have proof.
Aaah-a-a-aaah
Aaah-a-a-aaaah
Aaah-a-a-a-aaaah
Tracy?
Yes?
Looks like today's your lucky day.
You're off the hook.
Tammy here has confessed.
I told you.
I told you.
You're gonna pay for my poster!
OK, easy, now, now,
quit while you're ahead,
will you, Tracy?
Just run along.
Back to class.
The rest of
the day was unbearable.
I kept smelling Linda
on my clothes and my fingers,
and I just couldn't wait
to get out of there.
I wanted everything to be perfect
that afternoon at the motel.
So I decided to give myself
a little time to prepare
during eighth period.
Pop quiz, everybody.
Put your stuff away.
Come on, no whining.
If you've done your reading,
this should be an easy one.
I'd have exactly 48 minutes
to make all the arrangements.
If you finish early,
just sit quietly
and check your work.
I'll be right back.
OK, everybody.
Pass 'em forward.
Stephanie, put
your pen down. Stop.
All right, see you
all on Wednesday.
Don't forget to vote tomorrow.
Linda.
Linda.
Linda!
Linda!
Linda.
Ow!
Ow. Jesus.
Oh, fuck.
Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.
We're not around, but
we'll call you back real soon.
Have a nice day.
Hey, Linda, it's me.
Are you there? Pick up.
Um, OK, well,
it's, uh, it's 4:32,
and, uh, I came by at 3:25,
like we said,
and, uh, I waited
there, but, um,
you weren't there, so, so now
I'm at... at the place
that we talked about,
suite 246,
and I'm here.
Everything's all set,
so, uh, hope you get here soon.
OK. Bye-bye.
I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
What you have against
your mother and me,
against your brother Paul,
is completely beyond me.
Your mother's extremely upset,
she's at the end of her rope.
Your behavior keeps
getting crazier and crazier
and wilder and wilder.
Who knows what the hell else
you're doing out there
that we don't even know about.
We just had a long conversation
with Walt Hendricks.
Just got off the phone
with him at his home.
You know he doesn't
want you back at Carver.
He's fed up with you.
Fed up,
and I don't blame him.
- Dick, Dick.
- What?
Tammy, your father and I
have been talking,
and we've come to
a decision that we...
You're going
to Immaculate Heart.
That's where you belong.
Maybe the nuns will be able
to straighten you out.
Is that funny?
You think it's funny?
OK.
Dear Lord Jesus,
I do not often speak with You
and ask for things,
but now I really must insist
that You help me
win the election tomorrow,
because I deserve it
and Paul Metzler doesn't,
as You well know.
I realize that
it was Your divine hand
that disqualifiied Tammy Metzler,
and now I'm asking
that You go that one last mile
and make sure to put me
in offiice where I belong
so that I may carry out
Your will on Earth
as it is in heaven. Amen.
Dear God,
I know I don't believe in You,
but since I'll be starting
Catholic school soon,
I thought I should
at least practice.
Let's see, what do I want?
I want Lisa to realize
what a bitch she is
and feel really bad and apologize
for how she hurt me
and know how much
I still love her.
In spite of everything,
I still want Paul
to win the election tomorrow,
not that cunt Tracy.
Oh, and I also want
a really expensive
pair ofleather pants,
and someday I want to be
really good friends
with Madonna. Love, Tammy.
Dear God, thank You
for all Your blessings.
You've given me so many things,
like good health,
nice parents, a nice truck,
and what I'm told
is a large penis,
and I'm very grateful.
But I sure am worried
about Tammy.
In my heart
I still can't believe
she tore down my posters,
but sometimes she does
get so weird and angry.
Please help her
be a happier person
because she's
so smart and sensitive
and I love her so much.
Also, I'm nervous
about the election tomorrow
and I guess
I want to win and all,
but I know that's
totally up to You.
You'll decide
who the best person is
and I'll accept it,
and forgive me for my sins,
whatever they may be. Amen.
Linda never
came home that night.
I know, because
I spent 10 hours
waiting outside her house.
Oh, God.
On election day,
my mom and I got up really early,
and together we
customized 480 cupcakes.
Good morning, Mr. M.
Looks like you could
use a cupcake.
Hey, what happened to your eye?
Are you OK?
" Mr. McAllister,
Mr. McAllister, somebody
tore down my posters.
It's not fair, it's not fair.
Can I have an 'A'?
Can I have a recommendation?
Can I, can I?"
Fuck them.
Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.
We're not around, but we'll
call you back real soon.
Have a nice day.
Why did you do that?
I trusted you completely.
And you ruined my life,
do you know that?
Do you realize that?
Huh? Doyou?
You ruined Diane's life...
You ruined my life,
is that what you wanted?
I'm sorry... I'm sorry,
I'm just... I'm going nuts here,
and I really think we should talk.
It'sJim. I love you.
Attention, everyone.
We have an important announcement
from our principal,
Dr. Hendricks.
Good morning, students.
It, uh, behooves me to inform you
ofan important change
in today's election.
Effective this morning
sophomore Tammy Metzler
has been... Metzler has been
determined ineligible,
I repeat, ineligible
for S.G.A. president.
All other candidates
are eligible.
You may, uh,
vote for any of those,
but not Tammy Metzler.
When the time
came to cast ourvotes,
I stood in line
just like everyone else.
Hi, Tracy.
Tracy Enid Flick.
I know.
Thankyou.
Ready, Phil?
Yeah, ready.
Thanks, Phil.
Oh, hey, Tracy.
Hi, Paul.
Isn't this exciting?
Mm-hmm.
Well, good luck.
Thanks, Paul. You, too.
Oh, thanks!
It's so weird.
Do people always just
vote for themselves?
'Cause looking at
my own name on the ballot
I just... I don't know,
I just felt like it's not right
to vote foryourself.
Ok, Mr. M.
All right. So...
let's start counting.
OK, well, as the election
committee chairman,
I'll do the first count.
And then you can do
the second count,
you know, for
the 2 independent counts.
Fine. So do your count.
Start with president,
and I'll be right back.
You have the key, Mr. McAllister.
Right.
Are you OK, Mr. McAllister?
Yeah. What happened to your eye?
I'm fiine!
It's just a bee sting.
A simple little
everyday bee sting.
Some people can get stung,
it's no big deal.
Me... I swell up.
There's not much time left
until eighth period.
I have other things
going on, too, you know.
Yeah. OK. We know.
All right.
I'll be right back.
Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.
We're not around, but we'll
call you back real soon.
Have a nice day.
Uh, it's me again.
I'm sorry for all
the messages, but, uh...
Linda, if I could
just hear your voice.
If you'd only acknowledge that I...
What do you want, Jim?
You're there.
Yeah, I'm here.
Linda, I love you.
Don't say that.
You know it's not true.
It's the only true thing
I know anymore.
We made a mistake.
Let's not make it worse.
A mistake?
That was no mistake!
I was lonely.
You took advantage.
Me?! I took advantage of you?
You hugged me! You kissed me!
You're the one who...
Hey, Mr. M, big day, huh?
Not now, Paul.
What have y ou got?
Well, I'm not supposed to tell.
Not until you've counted, too.
We're each supposed to make
an independent count.
You're kidding, right?
Well, I thought
those were the rules,
Mr. McAllister.
If they've changed
in anyway, I can...
Larry, we're not electing
the fucking pope here.
Just tell me who won.
It's a squeaker, Mr. M.
I've got Tracy by a vote.
Just one vote.
Mr. M?
All right.
OK.
Well, guess I better do my count.
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
I was at the end of
my count when it happened.
I'd come up with exactly
the same numbers as Larry:
Tracy had won the election
by a single vote.
I was about to announce
my tally when...
the sight of Tracy
at that moment affected me
in a way I can't fully explain.
Part of it was that she was spying.
But mostly it was her face.
Who knew how high
she would climb in life?
How many people would suffer
because of her?
I had to stop her...
now.
Larry?
Yeah?
I think we have a problem.
Yep, I get the same as you, Jim.
Looks like Paul's
our next president.
No way!
It doesn't make sense.
Well, sorry, Larry,
but my fiigures work out
exactly the same
as Mr. McAllister's.
I get, uh, 256 for Paul,
And 290 disregards, right?
If you say so.
Mostly Tammy fans,
if you can believe it.
See? It doesn't add up.
There were 801 ballots,
but 803 people voted.
Well, there must
be 2 votes missing.
Check the register.
He's right. 2 people must
have pocketed their ballots.
Usually there's more.
But they were there.
I counted 803 votes.
It happens, Larry.
People make mistakes.
I didn't make a mistake.
Every vote was there
when you sat down.
Easy, Falch. I don't
like where you're going.
I'm sorry, Dr. Hendricks,
but every vote
was accounted for.
Falch, that's enough.
End of story.
Paul?
I just want to let you know
that no matter what happens
and how this turns out,
you've run a really great campaign.
Good luck.
Well, thanks, Tracy.
You, too.
I'm just glad it's over.
If we can just get started.
People. People.
As soon as the winners
are announced,
we can all go home, OK?
Some contests are...
are so well-fought
that it seems unfair
for someone to win...
Act surprised.
Walk slowly to the podium.
Be modest. Thank them
for this incredible honor.
They're all highly qualifiied
and embody the, uh,
integrity that we expect
from the school leadership.
That said, the whole point
of an election
is to chose a winner,
and that you have done.
We'll begin with president.
I'djust like to add
that this was
an extraordinarily close race.
It is my pleasure
to announce the next president
of George Washington Carver
High School...
Paul Metzler.
Jeez, you guys, thanks.
Wow! Thanks.
I promise to do my best
and do a really good job
and be a good president.
I just want to thank,
uh, Lisa Flanagan
for being a super campaign manager.
I'd also like to say...
It's Mr. M.
Yes, over there. Yeah, come on.
Wow, Mr. M.
This is so wild.
We were just here, uh, you know,
celebrating my victory,
and you're here.
This is incredible.
This is great.
Well, these are my parents.
Hi, Dick Metzler.
Jim McAllister.
- Jo Metzler.
- How do you do?
Paul just thinks
the world ofyou.
I mean, you should hear him.
He goes on and on and on.
Yeah, apparently
you've really
come behind him,
really helped him out
with that student
council thing and all.
Oh, well... well, Paul
doesn't need any help from me.
He's... He's going places.
You should be very proud.
Oh, we are.
Hey, look, you're all alone.
Why don't you come
over and join us?
Yeah. Yeah, come on.
Oh, I'm just fiinishing up here.
I've gotta get home.
Oh, well, uh,
why don't you guys
go sit down, and, uh...
you know, I'll catch up
with you in a minute.
I'm going to talk to Mr. M
about some important stuff,
all right?
All right.
That sounds great.
- Hey, sure nice to meet you.
- Great to meet you.
- Pleasure.
- So nice, and thank you.
You bet.
So, Mr. M, I was starting
to think about,
you know, some ideas
for what we could do.
I was thinking
it would be cool
to have a carnival.
You know, with rides and stuff.
And it could be for,
like, muscular dystrophy.
And then on Halloween,
a haunted house.
You know, a really
good haunted house,
not those cheesy bad ones.
You know, I mean,
this one would be super-scary.
And then for home coming,
well, you know
how last year's theme
was " Heaven On Earth"?
Well, this year...
Paul, we'll have plenty of
time to talk about this later.
A whole year, in fact.
But right now, I'djust...
I need to fiinish my pie,
go on home.
Yeah, OK. Sorry.
Uh, Mr. M,
just one more thing.
So, uh, do you think
Tracy's gonna be OK?
I mean, I saw her face
after the assembly.
It looked like she was
taking it pretty hard.
Don't worry about Tracy.
She'll be fiine.
Oh, sweetheart.
Oh, baby. Baby.
Oh, baby.
Take one of my pills.
You'll feel better.
Here.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Lie down. Lie down.
That's a good girl.
Lie down.
Good girl.
That's... That's it.
That's it, baby.
That's it, honey.
Maybe you needed
more posters, honey.
Or if you'djust
taken my suggestions
about your speech.
I don't know.
We'll fiigure it out.
Diane.
I... I made a mistake and I...
Did you want the same room?
Yeah, OK.
It's a beautiful day
The next day, I woke up
resolved to get
my life back on track.
The way I saw it, Diane's
kicking me out of the house
had been a good thing,
a wake-up call.
It wasn't a setback.
It was an opportunity.
I fiigured we just
needed a little time
to work things out.
The election was behind me,
and the worst was over.
After all, what harm
had really been done?
Nobody was dead.
Jim?
Jim?!
Yeah.
Walt wants to seeyou.
OK, thanks.
You r... rang?
Mr. McAllister,
I hope you can help us
clear something up.
- Yo?
- Pierdo.
- Tu?
- Pierdes.
El, ella, usted?
Pierde.
Nosotros?
Pierdemos.
Gracias.
Seor Presidente.
Quieren verte enla ofiicina.
Huh?
Dr. Hendricks?
Uh, come on in, son.
We have something...
hard we have to tell you.
Is it about Tammy?
It's about the election.
After Paul
got the bad news,
Walt asked for a few minutes
alone with me.
It was very simple, really.
I offered my resignation,
and he accepted.
Very quietly, it was
all over for Jim McAllister
at Carver High.
Suddenly everyone knew who I was...
that corrupt teacher
who had tried to crush
the dreams of an innocent girl.
Overnight, all the good things
I had ever done in my life
evaporated.
Soon the wire services
picked up on the story.
It was the kind of absurd news item
people E-mail each other
or post on the bulletin
board at work.
To top it all off, Diane had
started divorce proceedings.
She was completely unforgiving
about the thing with Linda.
In the end, she took
almost everything,
including the house.
I got the car.
Then one day,
I realized it was time
to get out of Omaha
and move on.
Senior year was great.
Sure, I didn't get to
play ball or be president,
but I got elected
homecoming king and prom king.
I got into Nebraska,
like I wanted,
and early rushed PhiDelts.
And at the end of the year,
me and my buddies
threw a bitchin' Mexican party
down at the cement plant.
Shit, that was a good party.
The only really bad thing
about senior year was Lisa.
Right before Christmas,
she dumped me.
One minute, she's
totally in love with me,
and then boom, she goes after
my football buddy Randy.
Sometimes I wonder
what would have happened
if I had actually won
the election.
Maybe my whole life
would be different.
Like I might never
have gone to Yosemite
with Greg and Travis.
Or maybe I'd be dead.
Alleluia
Catholic school
was great.
I mean, the teachers
kind of sucked,
and they were supposedly
way more strict.
But you could get away
with murder.
The best thing
about Immaculate Heart
was meeting Jennifer.
JenniferJuniper
Lives up on the hill
JenniferJuniper
Sitting very still
Is she sleeping
Jennifer and I
are soul mates
and we're never, ever,
ever going to be apart.
JenniferJuniper
Order! Order. Order!
Senior year was
very productive for me.
Let's vote on this issue.
On top of a very successful
student council year,
I was in the top
seventh percentile
of my graduating class.
Opposed?
And I got into Georgetown,
like I wanted,
with scholarships.
Approved.
But sometimes I got lonely,
and I'd think about Dave.
I missed our talks.
Maybe it could have
worked out between us.
I don't know.
I wonder what he's doing now.
Maybe he fiinally
fiinished his novel.
But you know, even with
all my my riad accomplishments
and bright future,
somehow I just didn't feel
the way you're supposed to feel.
Everybody else seemed so happy,
planning big parties and
signing each other's yearbooks.
Hardly anybody signed mine.
You'd think as
student body president,
I'd be the one
surrounded by friends.
But it wasn't like that at all.
Brittany Blake Fillmore.
As far as
Mr. McAllister was concerned,
you might be surprised,
but I hardly thought about him
at all anymore.
Besides, nobody had heard
from him in a long time.
It was almost like he'd never
existed in the fiirst place.
Tracy Enid Flick.
When I got to Georgetown,
I thought I'd fiinally be
among people who were like me.
You know, smarter,
more ambitious people.
I was sure that fiinally
I'd make some true friends.
Excuse me!
Would you please be quiet?!
It wasn't like that at all.
A lot of them were just
spoiled little rich kids
who didn't know
how lucky they had it.
That's OK. I've come to
accept that very few people
are truly destined to be special,
and we're solo fliers.
I guess it really is
like Dave said,
"If you're gonna be great,
you've got to be lonely."
What happens to a man
when he loses everything?
Everything he's worked for.
Everything he believes in.
Driven from his home,
cast out of society,
how can he survive?
Where can he go?
Right this way.
New York City.
For centuries, people
have come to New York
seeking refuge from
their troubled lives.
Now I am one of them.
Besides, I'd always dreamed
of living in New York.
All that excitement and culture.
Living in the city brings
surprises all the time.
Once in a while, I even bump
into former students of mine
from Carver.
Oh, sure, my apartment's
a little smaller
than what I was used to
back in Omaha,
and the rent's pretty darn steep,
but it's got a lot of character.
And I'm cozy enough.
Besides, it's great
not needing a car.
And I get a lot of reading
done on the subway.
Some days I even walk to work.
The job market is
pretty tight in New York,
but after hunting around
for a while,
I fiinally landed a position
in the education department
at the Museum of Natural History.
That's right.
I'm teaching again.
When a school brings
its students to the museum
on a fiield trip,
there's a staffof
both volunteer docents
and trained educators like myself...
who pick up where
the classwork leaves off.
And I've started
seeing someone new.
Her name is Jillian.
She works at the museum, too,
in Signs and Signage.
She's really different
from Diane, and, I don't know,
I've never met anyone
quite like her.
She just got out of
a long relationship, too,
so we're trying
to take it slow.
You might ask if I ever
saw Tracy Flick again.
Well, I did.
Just once.
I was down in Washington for
a museum educator's conference,
and I stayed an extra day
to do some sightseeing.
After an inspiring morning
on the Mall,
I was on my way to
the Holocaust Museum when...
I'll never know ifshe saw me.
Probably not.
But in that moment,
all the bad memories,
all the things I'd ever
wanted to say to her,
it all came flooding back.
My fiirst impulse
was to run over there,
pound on her window,
and demand that she admit
she tore down those posters
and lied and cheated her way
into winning that election.
But, instead,
I just stood there.
And I suddenly realized
I wasn't angry at her anymore.
I just felt sorry for her.
I mean, when I think
about my new life
and all the exciting
things I'm doing,
and then I think about
what her life must be like...
probably still getting up
at 5:00 in the morning
to pursue her pathetic
little dreams...
it just makes me sad.
I mean where is she really
trying to get to anyway?
What is she doing in that limo?
Who the fuck does
she think she is?!
Hey, you! Hey!
You asshole!
But that's all
ancient history now.
I've got a whole new life.
I mean, that's what's
great about America.
You can always start over.
So would that make this
an igneous rock
or a sedimentary rock?
What's the difference
between igneous
and sedimentary anyway?
Anybody?
I want to know
how love began
I want to go
to school again
If you'll be
The teacher
Long before
the school bells chime
I'll be there
ahead oftime
Just to see my teacher
Start right
from the fiirst of it
Don't miss a thing
I want to get
All the facts, then
I'll know what to do
When we graduate,
I'll hold you tight
Then you'll know
you taught me right
Teacher, teacher,
I'm in love with you
If you'll be
The teacher
If you'll be
The teacher
Start right
from the first of it
Don't miss a thing
I want to get
All the facts, then
I'll know what to do
When we graduate,
I'll hold you tight
Then you'll know
you taught me right
Teacher, teacher
I'm in love with you
Not wasting any time,
are you, Tracy?
You know what they say
about the early bird.
Yeah, I do.
Good luck there, Tracy.
Thanks, Mr. M.
I'll see you in class.
None of this
would've happened
if Mr. McAllister hadn't
meddled the way he did.
He should've just accepted
things as they are,
instead of trying
to interfere with destiny.
You see, you can't
interfere with destiny.
That's why it's destiny.
And if you try to interfere,
the same thing's
just gonna happen anyway,
and you'll just suffer.
It's hard to remember
how the whole thing started,
the whole election mess.
What I do remember
is that I loved my job.
I was a teacher,
an educator,
and I couldn't imagine
doing anything else.
Mr. McAllister.
Mr. M!
Quit day dreaming.
Get back to work.
The students knew
it wasn't just a job for me.
I got involved.
Put down the cards, boys!
This game is over!
And I cared.
Come on, Wolverines!
Defense! Let's go!
And I think
I made a difference.
I knew I touched
the students' lives
during their difficult
young adult years.
And I took that
responsibility seriously.
In the 12 years
I taught U.S. history,
civics, and current events
at Carver,
I was voted
Teacher of the Year 3 times.
A school record.
Teaching was all
I'd ever wanted to do.
Standing in front of
a roomful of young people,
trying to get them excited
about the world,
trying to make them think,
preparing them for the tough
moral and ethical decisions
that they'd face as adults,
that's how I wanted
to spend my life.
So is this
a moral situation
or an ethical situation?
What's the difference between
morals and ethics anyway?
Anybody?
Derek.
Yeah. Ethics is
like when you do
what society tells you
is right to do.
And morals...
Yeah, yeah,
you're on the right track.
Can anybody help him out?
Michelle.
Morals are like...
lessons.
You know, like
the moral of a story.
It's what you learn
from a story or a fable.
Or a life experience. Good.
And ethics?
Um, ethics is how
you use the morals
that you learn
from the story?
Yeah, OK, but I think we're
missing something key here.
What are we missing?
Tracy.
Ethics are rules of conduct...
Tracy Flick.
Tracy Flick.
I'd seen a lot of
ambitious students
come and go over the years,
but Tracy Flick,
she was a special case.
Some people say
I'm an overachiever,
but I think
they're just jealous.
My mom always tells me
I'm different.
You know, special.
And if you look
at all the things
I've accomplished so far,
I think you'd have to agree.
Here I am as Hodel in
FiddlerOn The Roof.
Matchmaker, matchmaker,
I'll bring the veil
You bring the groom
And here I am on KCHS,
our student-run TV station.
The littering must stop.
Tracy Flick reporting.
But it was in the S.G.A.,
the Student Government
Association,
where I made my biggest mark.
I never missed a single meeting.
And I volunteered
for every committee,
as long as I could lead it.
I agree with Ashley!
I think we should rent
the barrels ahead of time
because what happened
last time was a travesty.
It was ridiculous,
and I think it really
reflected poorly on all ofus.
Now Tracy Flick
was poised to win
the presidency
ofthe student body.
And so far,
she was running unopposed.
Determined by a culture
at a certain time in history.
Oh, there's
one more thing about Tracy
I think you should know.
Her pussy gets so wet
you can't believe it.
Don't tell me that.
Don't tell me that.
I don't want to know that.
A few months
before the election,
she'd gotten herself
in a little trouble
with my best friend
Dave Novotny.
Foxy
Dave came to Carver
the year after I did,
and we hit it off right away.
Dave was one of those guys
who taught
because they never wanted
to leave high school
in the first place.
But basically, he was a good guy.
Our wives became best friends, too.
And when Dave and Linda's
son Darryl was born,
they asked us to be
his godparents.
You probably think the worst,
that Mr. Novotny was
taking horrible advantage
of one of his students.
But it wasn't like that at all.
Our relationship was
based on mutual respect
and admiration.
I mean, during my
sophomore year in geometry,
it was strictly
professional between us.
I mean, nothing.
It wasn't until junior year
when we worked together
on the year book
that things got kind of serious.
One night he took
us editors out to celebrate
after a deadline.
Eventually, Dave and I
were left alone,
and we got to talking.
Not like teacher and student,
but like 2 adults.
You know, Tracy,
I notice that
you don't seem to have
any close friends at Carver.
You seem to be kind of a loner.
No, I'm not.
I'm just real busy.
Oh, no. I know, I know
it's not by choice.
I just mean that, that, well...
being the kind of person you are,
it must be really difficult foryou
to find somebody
you could talk to.
What do you mean?
What kind of person am I?
Tracy, you know, I've been
watching you for going on...
and I think you are
one of the most talented,
hard-working,
sensitive, attractive,
brilliant students I...
No.
Human beings I have ever met.
Thank you.
And I know that
sometimes people like you
have to pay a price
for their greatness.
And that price is loneliness.
I don't know.
maybe I'm wrong, but...
it just seems to me like
you might need a friend.
Since I grew up
without a dad,
you might assume, psychologically,
I was looking
for a father figure.
But that had nothing
to do with it at all.
It was just that
Dave was so strong,
and he made me feel
so safe and protected.
It was the first time
somebody ever saw the real me,
the me that nobody else knows.
OK, here. Get down. Get down.
You're once
Twice
Three times a lady
And I love you
Yes, you're once
Twice
Three times a lady
And I love you
I love
You
When I think back
on my relationship
with Mr. Novotny,
what I miss most is our talks.
You did it in your house?
In your own house?
OK, I know it seems crazy, but...
Jim, what I'm trying
to tell you is that...
Tracy and I...
are totally, totally...
in love.
- In love?
- Yeah.
It's serious.
She inspires me in ways
that Linda never has.
She even wants to read my novel.
But you haven't
written your novel.
That's the whole point!
I... I've got the whole thing
right here!
I just need
to get it out there.
And Tracy wants me to write it
so she can read it.
It's beautiful.
Dave...
I'm just saying this
as your friend.
What you're doing is
really, really wrong,
and you've gotta stop.
The line you've crossed is...
It's immoral,
and it's illegal.
Jim, come on.
I don't need a lecture on ethics.
I'm not talking about ethics.
I'm talking about morals.
What's the difference?
I guess
I don't have to tell you
how this all turned out.
Tracy's mom...
she doesn't understand.
No. I'd say she doesn't.
Fact is, I have never seen
a mother so upset.
All right. I know what
Tracy told her mother,
what her mother told me.
I need to hear this from you
because I have
a legal responsibility here.
Let me ask you this.
Did you cross the line
with this girl?
I di...
W-We...
We're in love.
Your novel?!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Linda...
After Dave got fired,
Linda kicked him out of the house
and filed for divorce.
He ended up
moving back to Milwaukee
to live with his parents.
He's lucky he's not in jail.
Linda!
And ethics are the basis of...
OK. We'll pick up here next time.
Would it be possible for me
to retake the test
we took yesterday?
The test yesterday?
You wanna retake it?
Yeah. I had to work
the night before,
and I didn't have
enough time to study.
Oh, yeah?
Now that I have
more life experience,
I feel sorry
for Mr. McAllister.
I mean, anyone who's stuck
in the same little room,
wearing the same stupid clothes,
same exact same things
year after year
for his whole life,
while his students
go on to good colleges
and move to big cities
and do great things
and make loads of money,
he's gotta be at least
a little jealous.
I noticed it was
a little low for you.
It's like my mom says:
The weak are always trying
to sabotage the strong.
One thing that's important
to know about me
is that I'm an only child,
so my mom
is really devoted to me.
And I love her so much.
She wants me
to do all the things
that she wanted to do
in life but couldn't.
Mom used to be a stewardess
for Northwest,
and now she works as a paralegal.
She likes to write letters
to successful women
like Elizabeth Dole
and Connie Chung
and ask them how they got
to be where they are
and what advice
do they have for me,
Tracy, her daughter.
they say you have
to hold onto your dreams
no matter what.
The pressures women face
mean you have to work
twice as hard,
and you can't let anything
or anyone stand in your way.
Hey! Hey!
One per person!
Put those back!
Eat me.
But you know,
winning isn't everything.
Win or lose, ethical conduct
is the most important thing.
Just ask Mr. McAllister.
Mr. McAllister!
Mr. McAllister, wait up!
Mr. McAllister, don't go!
I got all my signatures.
There's 158, way more than I need.
Hey, that's super.
Here they are.
Oh, you can just
put them in my box,
and I'll take a look
at them tomorrow.
Could you approve them now
because I'd really like
to kick off my campaign
right away, you know,
in the morning.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
Those look good to me.
Aren't you supposed to keep them?
No. That's fiine.
I thought you were
supposed to keep them.
Yeah, right, fiine, OK.
Thanks for everything.
You bet.
I can't wait
to start campaigning.
What's that?
I can't wait
to start campaigning.
Oh. Well, it should
be easy for you.
So far, no competition.
Yeah, but you know,
Coca-Cola's by far
the world's number one soft drink,
and they spend
more money than anybody
on advertising.
I guess that's how come
they stay number one.
Yeah.
OK. Well, good luck there, Tracy.
You know, Mr. M...
when I win the presidency,
that means you and I
are gonna be spending
a lot of time together,
and I for one would really
like that time to be...
harmonious and productive.
Wouldn't you?
Sure.
OK.
That's what I thought.
I was just checking.
Yeah. Good luck there, Tracy.
OK.
I don't blame Tracy
for what happened with Dave.
How could I?
Dave was an adult,
more than twice her age.
Sure, she got on my nerves
once in a while,
but I admired Tracy.
I really did.
Thank God for Diane.
She was my best friend.
My source of love and strength.
Oh, sure, we'd had
our share of bumpy times,
but we'd always seen them through.
After 9 years of marriage,
we were closer than ever.
Anything wrong?
No. No.
Just, you know, school.
When I win the presidency,
we're gonna be spending
a lot of time together.
Lots and lots and lots oftime.
President and advisor.
Harmonious and productive.
Close and special.
You... and I.
Hey, P.J.
What are you doing here
in the boys' locker room?
I've come to see
the star quarterback
before the big game.
But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Oh, that's OK.
I took care of him.
So, uh, what you reading?
I'm just reviewing my playbook.
I have a playwe can practice.
You be quarterback.
I'll be tight end.
You know,
Coca-Cola is by far
the world's number one soft drink.
Paul.
Aah!
Aah! Aaahhh!
Aah!
I was so mad at God
when I broke my leg
at Shadow Ridge over Christmas break.
Why?!
The doctors told me
I'd have to quit sports
for at least a couple
ofyears, if not forever,
which meant
no first-string quarterback
in the fall.
It was like the end of my life.
When I got back to school,
everybody was so supportive,
and they all wanted to sign
my cast and everything,
but I still couldn't
shake the feeling
that now my life had no purpose.
What did God want from me?
Why did I exist?
Sometimes you can search
everywhere for answers.
Then one day,
destiny just walks up
and taps you on the shoulder.
I know because it happened to me.
Paul, can I speak
to you for a minute?
Mr. McAllister
changed my life.
And no matter what they say
he did or did not do,
I believe he is a good man.
Paul, I know you've
been pretty down
since your accident.
Yeah. I wanted to play
football again so bad
I could taste it,
and maybe go on
to the playoffs and...
I know.
I understand disappointment.
I really do.
Yeah.
Now, I personally think
you have a very bright
future ahead of you.
And I'm not talking about
the fleeting glory of sports.
What do you mean?
Let me give you a clue.
You're a natural-born leader.
You're one ofthe most
popular students at Carver.
You're honest,
you're straight forward,
and you don't crack under pressure,
as we all saw in
an amazing fourth quarter
against West side.
All the kids look up to you.
Now, what does that spell?
Student...
council...
president.
Who, me?
Oh, no. I...
I don't know anything
about that stuff, Mr. M.
I mean, besides,
that's Tracy Flick's thing.
She's always working so hard.
Yeah. She's a real
go-getter, all right.
And she's super nice.
Yeah, yeah,
but one person assured of victory
kind of undermines the whole idea
of democracy, don't you think?
But, Mr. M...
I mean, that'd be more
like a dictatorship
like we studied.
But, Mr. M, there's...
Paul, what's your favorite fruit?
Pears.
Pears. Good. OK.
Let's say...
Oh, no, wait.
Apples.
Apples.
Fine.
Let's say all you
ever knew were apples.
Apples, apples, more apples.
You might think apples
were pretty good,
even if you got a rotten
one once in a while.
But then one day...
there's an orange.
And now you can
make a decision.
Do you want an apple
or do you want an orange?
That's democracy.
I also like bananas.
Exactly. Good.
So what do you say?
Maybe it's time to give
a little something back.
How's that?
I think that's...
No. Just a little higher.
A little higher.
Is this OK?
Eric, you can't put tape
on the outside of the poster.
It goes on the back
ofthe poster.
You better just take
the whole thing down
and redo it.
Aaah-a-a-aaaah
Who put you up to this?
Oh, hi, Tracy.
Who put you up to this?
What do you mean?
You just woke up this morning
and suddenly decided
to run for president?
No. Um, no,
I just thought that, uh...
Thought what?
Well, I was talking to
Mr. McAllister about my leg
and how I still want to do
something for the school and...
So Mr. McAllister
asked you to run.
Well, um, I talked to him
and everything,
but he just said that he thought
it would be a good idea
and how there's all different
kinds of fruits and, uh...
It's nothing against you, Tracy.
I mean, you're the best.
Uh, I just thought, uh...
OK.
You're on, Mr. Popular.
You might think it
upset me that Paul Metzler
had decided to run against me,
but nothing could be
further from the truth.
He was no competition for me.
It was like apples and oranges.
I had to work
a little harder, that's all.
You see,
I believe in the voters.
They understand that elections
aren't just popularity contests.
They know this country was built
by people just like me
who work very hard
and don't have everything
handed to them
on a silver spoon.
Not like some rich kids
who everybody likes
because their fathers
own Metzler Cement
and give them trucks
on their 16th birthday
and throw them big parties
all the time.
No. They don't ever
have to work for anything.
They think they can just,
all of a sudden,
one day out ofthe blue
waltz right in
with no qualifications whatsoever
and try to take away
what other people have worked for
very, very hard their entire lives!
No!
Didn't bother me at all!
Paul.
Paul power.
Paul...
Paul for president.
Paul for president.
Promise.
Progress.
Peanut.
There's a place I know
Whereyou can look down
The air makes you feel light
The air makes you feel right
What?
I told you. I can't.
It just doesn't
feel right anymore.
But I love you.
I said no.
Hey, Tammy, guess
what happened today.
Don't you fucking knock?
Yeah. Oh, hi, Lisa.
Get out, Paul!
Listen. So Mr. McAllister,
he calls me in,
and he tells me...
I gotta go.
You dumb shit!
What'd I do?
It's not like
I'm a lesbian or anything.
I'm attracted to the person.
It's just that all the people
I've ever been attracted to
happen to be girls.
Lisa, wait!
Stop!
What?
Where you going?
I'm not like you, OK?
What do you mean?
I'm not a dyke.
And we're not in love.
We were just...
experimenting.
How can something
that seemed so true
turn out to be such a lie?
Lisa and I were destined
to be together.
Of all the people in the planet
who had ever lived,
somehow we'd found each other.
It was like a miracle.
We had so much fun together,
like the time we ate
a bunch of asparagus
to see how long it takes
before your pee smells funny.
It was very scientific.
For me, it was 11 minutes.
For her, it was 17.
Every day I found a new way
to tell Lisa
how much I loved her.
"If you died right now,
I would throw myself under
one of my dad's cement trucks
and get poured into your tomb."
But it just seemed
like the closer we got,
the more she pulled away.
Are you crazy?
What?
These are private.
These are for us.
So?
But other people
can see them, too.
I don't care.
Well, I do.
What did I do
to make her change?
What's wrong with me?
Sometimes when I'm sad,
I sit and watch
the power station.
They say if you lie between
your body just evaporates.
You become a gas.
I wonder what that
would feel like.
I don't know why,
but Lisa decided
she wanted to hurt me.
And she knew exactly what to do.
I sure was surprised
the day Lisa Flanagan
asked me for a ride home
and ended up blowing me.
I've wanted this for so long.
I mean, life is so weird.
First, Lisa has a big fight
with my sister,
and the next thing you know,
she's my girlfriend.
Since Lisa knew all about
public relations and stuff,
she offered to help me
with my campaign.
We made a great team.
It seemed so natural,
the two of us together.
It was like a miracle.
My leg wasn't bugging me too much
and the weather was so nice.
And every day after school
Lisa and I would go to her house
to fuck and have a hot tub.
If that's the way
they wanted it,
then that's the way
it was gonna be.
But I wasn't going down
without a fight.
Tammy?
Tammy, what are you doing?
You're the advisor.
You should stop her.
She's not qualified.
She's just a sophomore.
Did you know that?
Calm down, Tracy.
Just calm down.
We can't both run, can we?
I mean, we're brother and sister.
Can we?
It's a conflict of interest,
and Paul was first.
Anybody who gets signatures
in on time can run,
and she got in
just under the wire.
These are a bunch of burnouts.
And what's this one?
It's illegible.
I can't even read that.
That's Tim... Cobsa.
She's doing this
to get back at me.
For what?
I mean, at you.
For what?
Tim Cobsa?
Tim Cobsa? Who's he?
I've never even heard of him.
Look, why don't we
just forget about Tammy?
We'll have the assembly tomorrow.
Everybody can make their speeches,
and I'm sure everything's
gonna be just fine.
Hey! Whee!
Jim, don't.
You're scaring him.
Nah. He likes it.
Not that much.
Around that time,
Diane and I were
hanging out a lot
at Linda Novotny's house,
giving her our love and support
and helping her make it
through a difficult time.
Diane really wanted to have kids,
and so did I,
but it seemed like there
was always a reason to wait:
She had to finish
nursing school,
I had to get my master's,
we needed a new house,
we needed more money.
Finally, we just decided
to go for it.
You gonna do it?
You gonna do it?
And for over a year,
we hadn't had any luck.
Come on. Do it. Do it.
Fill me up. Come on.
Fill me up.
Fill me up.
OK.
Good job.
Say, Jim?
Jim, can you get this?
I can't.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Just put it on the table.
All right.
Without Dave around,
Linda needed a lot of help
around the house.
Where do you want it, here?
No.
More this way.
Here?
Uh, yeah. That's good.
I had always liked Linda,
but we'd never had a chance
to spend any time
alone together.
Oughta warm you up a little bit.
Now with Dave
out of the picture,
I began to see what
an incredibly sensitive
and giving person she was.
We got to be
kind of like buddies.
I even took her to the mall
one time
while her car was in the shop.
What do you think?
You look great.
I can't afford this stuff right now.
Ah, come on.
You've had a hard year.
You're cooped up
all the time with the kid.
Let go. Live a little.
You sure?
Yeah.
So what do you think?
Should we get a room?
Should we get a what?
That's not funny.
How'd it go?
Fine.
You know...
just went to Westerly's.
Did you guys have fun?
Um...
yeah.
No, I mean... you know.
What?
Well, Linda's great,
but she can be
a little bit much sometimes.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Oh, just like that.
Yeah.
Fill me up.
Fill me up.
Oh... yeah.
Fill me up.
Oh, God.
Just like that.
Oh, yeah.
Fill me up.
God. Oh, God!
Oh, God. Just like that.
Do it, Jim. Fuck me.
Do it, Jim.
Just like that.
Do it, Jim. Fill me up.
Just like that.
Do it, Mr. M.
Do it. Fuck me, Mr. M.
Fuck me!
Fuck me hard, Mr. McAllister.
Harder! Harder!
Fuck me, Mr. McAllister.
Fuck me hard!
Harder! Fuck me! Please!
So like I was saying,
things were going
pretty well in my life.
That is, until things
started going all hay wire
with that damn election.
I love Carver High.
And I will be a dedicated
vice president.
A vote for Jerry Slavin is
a vote for good government.
And even if I can't really
stand up for you, I will.
Thank you.
Thank you, Jerry.
Thank you and good luck.
Again, Jerry is running
unopposed for vice president.
So, we'll move on now
to the presidential race
with 3 candidates running.
The first,
in alphabetical order,
is Tracy Flick.
Tracy?
Poet Henry David Thoreau
once wrote,
"I cannot make my days longer,
so I strive to make them better."
With this election,
we here at Carver
also have an opportunity
to make our
high school days better.
During this campaign,
I've spoken with many of you
about your many concerns.
I spoke with Eliza Ramirez,
a freshman who said
she feels alienated
from her own home room.
I spoke with sophomore Reggie Banks
who said his mother works
in the cafeteria
and can't afford to buy him
enough spiral notebooks
for his classes.
Eat me!
Eat me raw!
All right, now.
Hey, ifyou can't be adults
and give these candidates
the courtesy they deserve,
then you don't deserve to be
called adults but children
because that's what children are,
and you'll be treated like children.
So let's all listen up, huh?
I care about Carver,
and I care about each
and every one of you.
And together, we can all
make a difference.
When you cast your vote
for Tracy Flick next week,
you won't just be voting for me.
You'll be voting for yourself
and for every other student
here at Carver.
Our days might not be any longer,
but they can sure be better.
Thank you.
The... The next candidate
for student body president
is Paul Metzler.
Paul?
Woof woof woof woof
woof woof woof woof!.
- Whoo!
- Hey, Paul!
Paul!
"As many of you know,
I broke my leg pretty bad this year,
and the experience
has made me reevaluate
what I want to do with my life,
and that is help people.
When you think about it,
a school is more than a school.
It's our second home,
where we spend all our time
and grow as individuals
in the community.
But is our school
everything it could be?
I want our school to reach
its true potential.
That's why I'm running for president.
I know what it is
to fight hard and win,
like when we almost went
to State last fall
and I threw the fourth quarter
pass against Westside
for the touchdown that
won the game by 3 points.
I won't let you down
like I didn't then,
and I promise we can all score
a winning touchdown together.
Vote Paul Metzler
for president.
Thank you."
OK, Paul.
The final candidate for
student council president
is another one
ofthe Metzler clan,
sophomore Tammy Metzler.
Tammy.
Ha ha ha ha!
People! People!
Who cares about
this stupid election?
We all know it doesn't matter
who gets elected
president of Carver.
Do you really think it's gonna
change anything around here,
make one single person
smarter or happier
or nicer?
The only person
it does matter to
is the one who gets elected.
The same pathetic charade
happens every year,
and everyone makes
the same pathetic promises
just so they could put it
on their transcripts
to get into college.
So vote for me
because I don't even
wanna go to college,
and I don't care.
And as president,
I won't do anything.
The only promise I will make
is that, if elected,
I will immediately dismantle
the student government
so that none of us will
ever have to sit through
one of these
stupid assemblies again!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Tammy! Tammy! Tammy! Tammy!
Tammy! Tammy! Tammy! Tammy!
Tammy! Tammy!
Or don't vote for me!
Who cares?!
Don't vote at all!
Close the door.
I tell you, that little bitch
made a fool out of us.
I want her out of this election.
I mean, getting everybody
all riled up like that.
She is washed up,
you understand me?
She's finished.
Well, we can't throw
her out of the election
just because we
don't like her speech.
That's not what student
government is about.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Look, all I know is
she's a troublemaker,
she's on my list.
All we need to do
is send a message.
So maybe, uh, we should
just suspend her.
That's it. 3 days,
she's suspended for 3 days.
Being suspended is
like getting a paid vacation.
Why do they think
it's a punishment?
It's like your dog
pees on the carpet
and you give him a treat.
Then you get in trouble
for skipping school.
It's so stupid.
Hendricks told me,
"One more time"
and I'd be expelled.
Sounded good to me.
Oh, hi, Tammy.
What do you want?
Well, I went to all your teachers
and got your assignments for you.
I... I just thought, you know,
last time you got suspended
you fell so far behind,
and I just didn't want
to see that happen again.
Thanks, Paul. Thanks a lot.
Sure. You bet.
Now could you leave me alone?
Oh, yeah. Um,
Tammy, there's just
one other thing.
You know all
this election stuff,
'cause everybody's
saying it's really weird
that you're running against me
and everything,
and it is kind of weird.
You haven't really told me
why you're doing it
and you didn't
tell me in advance,
but that's OK.
I respect your privacy,
it's just...
I want you to know
that no matter who wins,
you or me,
there's no hard feelings.
We're still brother
and sister, OK,
even though you're adopted,
'cause I hope you feel the same.
What happened
at the speeches
was an unconscionable travesty.
That little bitch Tammy Metzler
wanted to make a fool out of me.
Well, it wasn't gonna work.
Ifall those students
who cheered for Tammy Metzler
only knew how hard
I worked for Carver,
like all the late nights
I spend at the year book office
just to give them
their stinking memories.
One of my duties was
to clean up the group photos.
It was a cinch
with our new software.
People are so ungrateful.
Ahh-a-a-aah, aaah-a-a-aaah
Aaagh! Aaagh!
Aaagh!
The day before the election
was when things started
to get really complicated.
There's your culprit.
Linda had asked me to stop by
on my way to school
to help her out with
a little plumbing problem.
Did you know Dave's a bed-wetter?
No. No, I... I didn't know that.
All his life.
He's tried everything.
Is that still running clear?
Yeah.
Better let it run for a while.
OK.
Oh, wait.
Here. This one's clean.
I guess you better
get to work, huh?
You're gonna be late.
Yeah.
Thank you, Jim.
It was something
that just happened.
Neither of us expected it.
Neither of us planned it.
But once we started, we knew
there was no turning back.
It was a miracle.
Oh, Jim.
Hey, take me to that motel,
like you wanted.
Now?
Um, come by after school.
I'll leave Darryl with a sitter.
Oh. 3:25.
OK, 3:25.
What had blossomed
between Linda and me
was too real,
too powerful to deny.
For the first time in years,
I felt free and alive.
Hiya, Jim.
It's not fair,
it's just not fair.
I just don't think somebody
would do something
like that on purpose.
It must be some
sort of mistake,
like a maintenance thing.
Jim, where the hell
have you been?
Nowhere. I... I don't
have any classes
till second period.
Well, I tried you at home,
and we've got a situation here.
If Paul loses
this election tomorrow,
there has to be another one
with posters.
Somebody tore down their posters.
Those posters cost
us a lot of money,
and there's no time
to make any more.
All right, we'll get
to the bottom of it.
We still have some extra ones,
don't we?
Maybe we could just use those.
It was Tammy.
That's who it was.
Oh, no. Hey, like I said,
she just wouldn't do
something like that.
Well, that speech that she gave,
you know, it was pretty...
It was out there.
But we'll get
to the bottom of it.
I want you two to go back,
I want you to focus on your studies.
Mr. McAllister will handle
the whole thing.
Right, Jim?
What's that? Oh, yeah.
Sure, yeah, you bet.
Tracy.
Tracy, come on in.
Close the door behind you.
Have a seat.
I guess you know
why you're here.
If it's about the posters,
I think it's awful.
I think it's a travesty.
Travesty, huh?
Well, that's interesting,
because I think you did it.
What?
Are you accusing me?
You're not serious.
Mr. McAllister,
we've worked together
on the S.G.A. for 3 solid years.
Besides, my own best banner
was torn down.
Did I do that, too?
Were you or were you not
working in the Looking Glass Office
over the weekend?
I was. So?
Mr. Paterno let me in.
As you know, with my
many responsibilities,
I often have to come in
on the weekend.
And I have permission to do so.
But I left very early,
around 6:30.
How do you know what time
the posters were torn down?
I don't. I just know
that they were there when I left.
I'm giving you helpful
information, that's all.
You know, instead
of wasting your time
interrogating me,
we should be out there
trying to figure out
who did this.
OK, Tracy.
Who do you think did it?
Whom should we interrogate?
Well, I don't know.
You know, it could
have been anybody.
There's a lot of subversive
elements here at Carver,
like Rick Thiessen or
Kevin Speck and those burnouts.
Or what about Tammy Metzler?
I mean, her whole thing
is being anti-this and anti-that.
Tracy, you're
a very intelligent girl.
You have a lot of
admirable qualities.
But one day maybe you'll learn
that being smart
and doing whatever you
need to do to get ahead
and, yes, stepping
on other people
to get there,
well, there's a whole lot
more to life than that.
And, in the end, you're
only cheating yourself.
Why are you lecturing me?
This isn't the time or
the place to get into it.
But there is,
for just one example,
a certain former colleague of mine
who made a very big mistake,
a life mistake.
Now, I think
the lesson here is that,
old or young,
we all make mistakes.
And we have to learn
that our actions,
all of them, can carry
serious consequences.
Mm-hmm. I don't know
what you're referring to,
but maybe if certain
older, wiser people
hadn't acted like such little babies
and gotten so mushy,
then everything would be OK.
I agree, and I also think
that certain young and naive people
need to thank their lucky stars
and be very, very grateful
the entire school didn't find out
about certain indiscretions
that could've ruined
their reputations
and their chances
to win certain elections.
And I think
certain older people,
like you and your colleague,
shouldn't be letching
after their students,
especially when some of them
can't even get
their own wives pregnant,
and they certainly shouldn't be
making slanderous accusations,
especially when certain
young, naive people's mothers
are paralegal secretaries
at the city's biggest law firm
and have won many
successful lawsuits.
And if you want to keep
questioning me like this,
I won't continue
without my attorney present.
You wanted to see me,
Mr. McAllister?
Just wait outside, Tammy.
OK, but is this
about the posters?
Possibly. Please,
just wait outside.
OK, because I know who did it.
So, I'll just be outside.
Don't go anywhere, Tracy.
Tammy, come on in here.
This ought to be good.
So, what do you have
to tell me, Tammy?
Well, this is hard for me,
but I think it's
important to be honest,
don't you?
Yeah. What is it, Tammy?
I did it. I'm the one
who tore down Paul's posters.
I did it.
When did you do it?
I don't know...
Yesterday, Sunday.
How'd you get into the school?
Door was open.
Which door?
I don't know.
All I know is I did it.
Well, I don't believe you.
I have proof.
Aaah-a-a-aaah
Aaah-a-a-aaaah
Aaah-a-a-a-aaaah
Tracy?
Yes?
Looks like today's your lucky day.
You're off the hook.
Tammy here has confessed.
I told you.
I told you.
You're gonna pay for my poster!
OK, easy, now, now,
quit while you're ahead,
will you, Tracy?
Just run along.
Back to class.
The rest of
the day was unbearable.
I kept smelling Linda
on my clothes and my fingers,
and I just couldn't wait
to get out of there.
I wanted everything to be perfect
that afternoon at the motel.
So I decided to give myself
a little time to prepare
during eighth period.
Pop quiz, everybody.
Put your stuff away.
Come on, no whining.
If you've done your reading,
this should be an easy one.
I'd have exactly 48 minutes
to make all the arrangements.
If you finish early,
just sit quietly
and check your work.
I'll be right back.
OK, everybody.
Pass 'em forward.
Stephanie, put
your pen down. Stop.
All right, see you
all on Wednesday.
Don't forget to vote tomorrow.
Linda.
Linda.
Linda!
Linda!
Linda.
Ow!
Ow. Jesus.
Oh, fuck.
Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.
We're not around, but
we'll call you back real soon.
Have a nice day.
Hey, Linda, it's me.
Are you there? Pick up.
Um, OK, well,
it's, uh, it's 4:32,
and, uh, I came by at 3:25,
like we said,
and, uh, I waited
there, but, um,
you weren't there, so, so now
I'm at... at the place
that we talked about,
suite 246,
and I'm here.
Everything's all set,
so, uh, hope you get here soon.
OK. Bye-bye.
I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
What you have against
your mother and me,
against your brother Paul,
is completely beyond me.
Your mother's extremely upset,
she's at the end of her rope.
Your behavior keeps
getting crazier and crazier
and wilder and wilder.
Who knows what the hell else
you're doing out there
that we don't even know about.
We just had a long conversation
with Walt Hendricks.
Just got off the phone
with him at his home.
You know he doesn't
want you back at Carver.
He's fed up with you.
Fed up,
and I don't blame him.
- Dick, Dick.
- What?
Tammy, your father and I
have been talking,
and we've come to
a decision that we...
You're going
to Immaculate Heart.
That's where you belong.
Maybe the nuns will be able
to straighten you out.
Is that funny?
You think it's funny?
OK.
Dear Lord Jesus,
I do not often speak with You
and ask for things,
but now I really must insist
that You help me
win the election tomorrow,
because I deserve it
and Paul Metzler doesn't,
as You well know.
I realize that
it was Your divine hand
that disqualifiied Tammy Metzler,
and now I'm asking
that You go that one last mile
and make sure to put me
in offiice where I belong
so that I may carry out
Your will on Earth
as it is in heaven. Amen.
Dear God,
I know I don't believe in You,
but since I'll be starting
Catholic school soon,
I thought I should
at least practice.
Let's see, what do I want?
I want Lisa to realize
what a bitch she is
and feel really bad and apologize
for how she hurt me
and know how much
I still love her.
In spite of everything,
I still want Paul
to win the election tomorrow,
not that cunt Tracy.
Oh, and I also want
a really expensive
pair ofleather pants,
and someday I want to be
really good friends
with Madonna. Love, Tammy.
Dear God, thank You
for all Your blessings.
You've given me so many things,
like good health,
nice parents, a nice truck,
and what I'm told
is a large penis,
and I'm very grateful.
But I sure am worried
about Tammy.
In my heart
I still can't believe
she tore down my posters,
but sometimes she does
get so weird and angry.
Please help her
be a happier person
because she's
so smart and sensitive
and I love her so much.
Also, I'm nervous
about the election tomorrow
and I guess
I want to win and all,
but I know that's
totally up to You.
You'll decide
who the best person is
and I'll accept it,
and forgive me for my sins,
whatever they may be. Amen.
Linda never
came home that night.
I know, because
I spent 10 hours
waiting outside her house.
Oh, God.
On election day,
my mom and I got up really early,
and together we
customized 480 cupcakes.
Good morning, Mr. M.
Looks like you could
use a cupcake.
Hey, what happened to your eye?
Are you OK?
" Mr. McAllister,
Mr. McAllister, somebody
tore down my posters.
It's not fair, it's not fair.
Can I have an 'A'?
Can I have a recommendation?
Can I, can I?"
Fuck them.
Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.
We're not around, but we'll
call you back real soon.
Have a nice day.
Why did you do that?
I trusted you completely.
And you ruined my life,
do you know that?
Do you realize that?
Huh? Doyou?
You ruined Diane's life...
You ruined my life,
is that what you wanted?
I'm sorry... I'm sorry,
I'm just... I'm going nuts here,
and I really think we should talk.
It'sJim. I love you.
Attention, everyone.
We have an important announcement
from our principal,
Dr. Hendricks.
Good morning, students.
It, uh, behooves me to inform you
ofan important change
in today's election.
Effective this morning
sophomore Tammy Metzler
has been... Metzler has been
determined ineligible,
I repeat, ineligible
for S.G.A. president.
All other candidates
are eligible.
You may, uh,
vote for any of those,
but not Tammy Metzler.
When the time
came to cast ourvotes,
I stood in line
just like everyone else.
Hi, Tracy.
Tracy Enid Flick.
I know.
Thankyou.
Ready, Phil?
Yeah, ready.
Thanks, Phil.
Oh, hey, Tracy.
Hi, Paul.
Isn't this exciting?
Mm-hmm.
Well, good luck.
Thanks, Paul. You, too.
Oh, thanks!
It's so weird.
Do people always just
vote for themselves?
'Cause looking at
my own name on the ballot
I just... I don't know,
I just felt like it's not right
to vote foryourself.
Ok, Mr. M.
All right. So...
let's start counting.
OK, well, as the election
committee chairman,
I'll do the first count.
And then you can do
the second count,
you know, for
the 2 independent counts.
Fine. So do your count.
Start with president,
and I'll be right back.
You have the key, Mr. McAllister.
Right.
Are you OK, Mr. McAllister?
Yeah. What happened to your eye?
I'm fiine!
It's just a bee sting.
A simple little
everyday bee sting.
Some people can get stung,
it's no big deal.
Me... I swell up.
There's not much time left
until eighth period.
I have other things
going on, too, you know.
Yeah. OK. We know.
All right.
I'll be right back.
Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.
We're not around, but we'll
call you back real soon.
Have a nice day.
Uh, it's me again.
I'm sorry for all
the messages, but, uh...
Linda, if I could
just hear your voice.
If you'd only acknowledge that I...
What do you want, Jim?
You're there.
Yeah, I'm here.
Linda, I love you.
Don't say that.
You know it's not true.
It's the only true thing
I know anymore.
We made a mistake.
Let's not make it worse.
A mistake?
That was no mistake!
I was lonely.
You took advantage.
Me?! I took advantage of you?
You hugged me! You kissed me!
You're the one who...
Hey, Mr. M, big day, huh?
Not now, Paul.
What have y ou got?
Well, I'm not supposed to tell.
Not until you've counted, too.
We're each supposed to make
an independent count.
You're kidding, right?
Well, I thought
those were the rules,
Mr. McAllister.
If they've changed
in anyway, I can...
Larry, we're not electing
the fucking pope here.
Just tell me who won.
It's a squeaker, Mr. M.
I've got Tracy by a vote.
Just one vote.
Mr. M?
All right.
OK.
Well, guess I better do my count.
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
I was at the end of
my count when it happened.
I'd come up with exactly
the same numbers as Larry:
Tracy had won the election
by a single vote.
I was about to announce
my tally when...
the sight of Tracy
at that moment affected me
in a way I can't fully explain.
Part of it was that she was spying.
But mostly it was her face.
Who knew how high
she would climb in life?
How many people would suffer
because of her?
I had to stop her...
now.
Larry?
Yeah?
I think we have a problem.
Yep, I get the same as you, Jim.
Looks like Paul's
our next president.
No way!
It doesn't make sense.
Well, sorry, Larry,
but my fiigures work out
exactly the same
as Mr. McAllister's.
I get, uh, 256 for Paul,
And 290 disregards, right?
If you say so.
Mostly Tammy fans,
if you can believe it.
See? It doesn't add up.
There were 801 ballots,
but 803 people voted.
Well, there must
be 2 votes missing.
Check the register.
He's right. 2 people must
have pocketed their ballots.
Usually there's more.
But they were there.
I counted 803 votes.
It happens, Larry.
People make mistakes.
I didn't make a mistake.
Every vote was there
when you sat down.
Easy, Falch. I don't
like where you're going.
I'm sorry, Dr. Hendricks,
but every vote
was accounted for.
Falch, that's enough.
End of story.
Paul?
I just want to let you know
that no matter what happens
and how this turns out,
you've run a really great campaign.
Good luck.
Well, thanks, Tracy.
You, too.
I'm just glad it's over.
If we can just get started.
People. People.
As soon as the winners
are announced,
we can all go home, OK?
Some contests are...
are so well-fought
that it seems unfair
for someone to win...
Act surprised.
Walk slowly to the podium.
Be modest. Thank them
for this incredible honor.
They're all highly qualifiied
and embody the, uh,
integrity that we expect
from the school leadership.
That said, the whole point
of an election
is to chose a winner,
and that you have done.
We'll begin with president.
I'djust like to add
that this was
an extraordinarily close race.
It is my pleasure
to announce the next president
of George Washington Carver
High School...
Paul Metzler.
Jeez, you guys, thanks.
Wow! Thanks.
I promise to do my best
and do a really good job
and be a good president.
I just want to thank,
uh, Lisa Flanagan
for being a super campaign manager.
I'd also like to say...
It's Mr. M.
Yes, over there. Yeah, come on.
Wow, Mr. M.
This is so wild.
We were just here, uh, you know,
celebrating my victory,
and you're here.
This is incredible.
This is great.
Well, these are my parents.
Hi, Dick Metzler.
Jim McAllister.
- Jo Metzler.
- How do you do?
Paul just thinks
the world ofyou.
I mean, you should hear him.
He goes on and on and on.
Yeah, apparently
you've really
come behind him,
really helped him out
with that student
council thing and all.
Oh, well... well, Paul
doesn't need any help from me.
He's... He's going places.
You should be very proud.
Oh, we are.
Hey, look, you're all alone.
Why don't you come
over and join us?
Yeah. Yeah, come on.
Oh, I'm just fiinishing up here.
I've gotta get home.
Oh, well, uh,
why don't you guys
go sit down, and, uh...
you know, I'll catch up
with you in a minute.
I'm going to talk to Mr. M
about some important stuff,
all right?
All right.
That sounds great.
- Hey, sure nice to meet you.
- Great to meet you.
- Pleasure.
- So nice, and thank you.
You bet.
So, Mr. M, I was starting
to think about,
you know, some ideas
for what we could do.
I was thinking
it would be cool
to have a carnival.
You know, with rides and stuff.
And it could be for,
like, muscular dystrophy.
And then on Halloween,
a haunted house.
You know, a really
good haunted house,
not those cheesy bad ones.
You know, I mean,
this one would be super-scary.
And then for home coming,
well, you know
how last year's theme
was " Heaven On Earth"?
Well, this year...
Paul, we'll have plenty of
time to talk about this later.
A whole year, in fact.
But right now, I'djust...
I need to fiinish my pie,
go on home.
Yeah, OK. Sorry.
Uh, Mr. M,
just one more thing.
So, uh, do you think
Tracy's gonna be OK?
I mean, I saw her face
after the assembly.
It looked like she was
taking it pretty hard.
Don't worry about Tracy.
She'll be fiine.
Oh, sweetheart.
Oh, baby. Baby.
Oh, baby.
Take one of my pills.
You'll feel better.
Here.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Lie down. Lie down.
That's a good girl.
Lie down.
Good girl.
That's... That's it.
That's it, baby.
That's it, honey.
Maybe you needed
more posters, honey.
Or if you'djust
taken my suggestions
about your speech.
I don't know.
We'll fiigure it out.
Diane.
I... I made a mistake and I...
Did you want the same room?
Yeah, OK.
It's a beautiful day
The next day, I woke up
resolved to get
my life back on track.
The way I saw it, Diane's
kicking me out of the house
had been a good thing,
a wake-up call.
It wasn't a setback.
It was an opportunity.
I fiigured we just
needed a little time
to work things out.
The election was behind me,
and the worst was over.
After all, what harm
had really been done?
Nobody was dead.
Jim?
Jim?!
Yeah.
Walt wants to seeyou.
OK, thanks.
You r... rang?
Mr. McAllister,
I hope you can help us
clear something up.
- Yo?
- Pierdo.
- Tu?
- Pierdes.
El, ella, usted?
Pierde.
Nosotros?
Pierdemos.
Gracias.
Seor Presidente.
Quieren verte enla ofiicina.
Huh?
Dr. Hendricks?
Uh, come on in, son.
We have something...
hard we have to tell you.
Is it about Tammy?
It's about the election.
After Paul
got the bad news,
Walt asked for a few minutes
alone with me.
It was very simple, really.
I offered my resignation,
and he accepted.
Very quietly, it was
all over for Jim McAllister
at Carver High.
Suddenly everyone knew who I was...
that corrupt teacher
who had tried to crush
the dreams of an innocent girl.
Overnight, all the good things
I had ever done in my life
evaporated.
Soon the wire services
picked up on the story.
It was the kind of absurd news item
people E-mail each other
or post on the bulletin
board at work.
To top it all off, Diane had
started divorce proceedings.
She was completely unforgiving
about the thing with Linda.
In the end, she took
almost everything,
including the house.
I got the car.
Then one day,
I realized it was time
to get out of Omaha
and move on.
Senior year was great.
Sure, I didn't get to
play ball or be president,
but I got elected
homecoming king and prom king.
I got into Nebraska,
like I wanted,
and early rushed PhiDelts.
And at the end of the year,
me and my buddies
threw a bitchin' Mexican party
down at the cement plant.
Shit, that was a good party.
The only really bad thing
about senior year was Lisa.
Right before Christmas,
she dumped me.
One minute, she's
totally in love with me,
and then boom, she goes after
my football buddy Randy.
Sometimes I wonder
what would have happened
if I had actually won
the election.
Maybe my whole life
would be different.
Like I might never
have gone to Yosemite
with Greg and Travis.
Or maybe I'd be dead.
Alleluia
Catholic school
was great.
I mean, the teachers
kind of sucked,
and they were supposedly
way more strict.
But you could get away
with murder.
The best thing
about Immaculate Heart
was meeting Jennifer.
JenniferJuniper
Lives up on the hill
JenniferJuniper
Sitting very still
Is she sleeping
Jennifer and I
are soul mates
and we're never, ever,
ever going to be apart.
JenniferJuniper
Order! Order. Order!
Senior year was
very productive for me.
Let's vote on this issue.
On top of a very successful
student council year,
I was in the top
seventh percentile
of my graduating class.
Opposed?
And I got into Georgetown,
like I wanted,
with scholarships.
Approved.
But sometimes I got lonely,
and I'd think about Dave.
I missed our talks.
Maybe it could have
worked out between us.
I don't know.
I wonder what he's doing now.
Maybe he fiinally
fiinished his novel.
But you know, even with
all my my riad accomplishments
and bright future,
somehow I just didn't feel
the way you're supposed to feel.
Everybody else seemed so happy,
planning big parties and
signing each other's yearbooks.
Hardly anybody signed mine.
You'd think as
student body president,
I'd be the one
surrounded by friends.
But it wasn't like that at all.
Brittany Blake Fillmore.
As far as
Mr. McAllister was concerned,
you might be surprised,
but I hardly thought about him
at all anymore.
Besides, nobody had heard
from him in a long time.
It was almost like he'd never
existed in the fiirst place.
Tracy Enid Flick.
When I got to Georgetown,
I thought I'd fiinally be
among people who were like me.
You know, smarter,
more ambitious people.
I was sure that fiinally
I'd make some true friends.
Excuse me!
Would you please be quiet?!
It wasn't like that at all.
A lot of them were just
spoiled little rich kids
who didn't know
how lucky they had it.
That's OK. I've come to
accept that very few people
are truly destined to be special,
and we're solo fliers.
I guess it really is
like Dave said,
"If you're gonna be great,
you've got to be lonely."
What happens to a man
when he loses everything?
Everything he's worked for.
Everything he believes in.
Driven from his home,
cast out of society,
how can he survive?
Where can he go?
Right this way.
New York City.
For centuries, people
have come to New York
seeking refuge from
their troubled lives.
Now I am one of them.
Besides, I'd always dreamed
of living in New York.
All that excitement and culture.
Living in the city brings
surprises all the time.
Once in a while, I even bump
into former students of mine
from Carver.
Oh, sure, my apartment's
a little smaller
than what I was used to
back in Omaha,
and the rent's pretty darn steep,
but it's got a lot of character.
And I'm cozy enough.
Besides, it's great
not needing a car.
And I get a lot of reading
done on the subway.
Some days I even walk to work.
The job market is
pretty tight in New York,
but after hunting around
for a while,
I fiinally landed a position
in the education department
at the Museum of Natural History.
That's right.
I'm teaching again.
When a school brings
its students to the museum
on a fiield trip,
there's a staffof
both volunteer docents
and trained educators like myself...
who pick up where
the classwork leaves off.
And I've started
seeing someone new.
Her name is Jillian.
She works at the museum, too,
in Signs and Signage.
She's really different
from Diane, and, I don't know,
I've never met anyone
quite like her.
She just got out of
a long relationship, too,
so we're trying
to take it slow.
You might ask if I ever
saw Tracy Flick again.
Well, I did.
Just once.
I was down in Washington for
a museum educator's conference,
and I stayed an extra day
to do some sightseeing.
After an inspiring morning
on the Mall,
I was on my way to
the Holocaust Museum when...
I'll never know ifshe saw me.
Probably not.
But in that moment,
all the bad memories,
all the things I'd ever
wanted to say to her,
it all came flooding back.
My fiirst impulse
was to run over there,
pound on her window,
and demand that she admit
she tore down those posters
and lied and cheated her way
into winning that election.
But, instead,
I just stood there.
And I suddenly realized
I wasn't angry at her anymore.
I just felt sorry for her.
I mean, when I think
about my new life
and all the exciting
things I'm doing,
and then I think about
what her life must be like...
probably still getting up
at 5:00 in the morning
to pursue her pathetic
little dreams...
it just makes me sad.
I mean where is she really
trying to get to anyway?
What is she doing in that limo?
Who the fuck does
she think she is?!
Hey, you! Hey!
You asshole!
But that's all
ancient history now.
I've got a whole new life.
I mean, that's what's
great about America.
You can always start over.
So would that make this
an igneous rock
or a sedimentary rock?
What's the difference
between igneous
and sedimentary anyway?
Anybody?
I want to know
how love began
I want to go
to school again
If you'll be
The teacher
Long before
the school bells chime
I'll be there
ahead oftime
Just to see my teacher
Start right
from the fiirst of it
Don't miss a thing
I want to get
All the facts, then
I'll know what to do
When we graduate,
I'll hold you tight
Then you'll know
you taught me right
Teacher, teacher,
I'm in love with you
If you'll be
The teacher
If you'll be
The teacher
Start right
from the first of it
Don't miss a thing
I want to get
All the facts, then
I'll know what to do
When we graduate,
I'll hold you tight
Then you'll know
you taught me right
Teacher, teacher
I'm in love with you