Elephant Juice (1999) Movie Script
Apparently, you're meant
to grow to love someone.
I don't want
to grow to love anyone.
I mean, I want the real
thing. I want "boom!"
And for my opening line
I'm not trying to indicate...
Excuse me!
Go away! Or turn you on
I tell you that I'm laughin'
just to keep from cryin'
And pretty music
when you hear it
Keep on tryin' to get near it
A little rhythm
for your spirit
Oh, but that's what it's
for, come on in, here's the door
Now, I've seen
a sparrow get high
And waste his time in the sky
He thinks it's easy to fly
He's just a little bit
freer than I
Now, here's a mystery
And maybe you can help
to make it clear to me
When you're fast asleep
Then what is it that's
lighting up the dreams you see...
When Graham met George,
we all said it wouldn't last.
Hiya.All right.
We're all still saying it
three years down the line.
...so you can feel it
And when you make the
scene, well, you know what I mean
Will? Hey, I've seen
a sparrow get high
And waste his time in the sky
He thinks it's easy to fly
He's just a little bit
freer than I
Love at first sight exists.
Believe me, I was there.
Do you know what day it is?
I've got a Valentine for you,
biggest fucking Valentine
you ever saw in your life.
Will you marry me?
What for?
What you mean, "What for?"
Will and Jules
got it together way back,
way back
in the beginning of time.
They were the first couple,
like Adam and Eve.
What does anyone do it for?
For love.
"Do you know
that you have a choice?"
"Do you want to change?"
"Can you tell someone
you love them?"
Frank.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Look, sorry.
I've got a date tonight.
I'd be the last to deny...
Daphne says she found Frank
on the Internet.
And don't you know
each little bird in the sky...
Daphne swears by the Internet.
Poor Frank. He doesn't know it
yet, but Daphne's untouchable.
We call her "The Virtual Woman."
Hello.
...what they think is real...
Oh, God.
...animated puppet show
So don't let time and space
confuse you
And don't let name and form
abuse you
But when that
Big Joe Williams blues you...
They say, these friends of mine,
they say my problem is,
I don't know what I want.
I've seen a sparrow get high
And waste his time in the sky
And don't you know
he thinks it''s easy...
I love you.
Jules and I are getting married.
I knew it.
Whoops.
All right.
To the happy couple.
To the dysfunctional family.
Uh, that is clinically
interesting.
I believe there are no
secrets between friends.
To the future.To Jules and Will.
To Billy.
It all comes out in the end.
Just drink the fucking
champagne, will you?
It all still goes on, you know.
All what?
All of it. Everything.
It's a hard life.
What is it like?What?
You were made for it.
I mean, they all want you.
It's my curse.
Would you like try?
It's very good.
Herbal tea, spice.
Many spiritual energies.
You drink. I come back later.
See? They can't resist.
I winked at hEr.
You what?
I winked at her.
She came over
'cause I winked at her.
What?
You're out of your mind.
You're not meant
to wink at them.
Try it.
Get out of here.Come on, try it.
I can't.Just do it.
Come on,
just go for it.I can't.
Just once. Come on, I dare you.
I was born in a later
evolutionary cycle.
I've lost the ability
to wink at women.Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Do it, do it, do it.
You are full of crap.
Did you enjoy it? That was very nice.
Billy last had sex...
When?
It was sometime early '93,
wasn't it?
Billy's single.
How antisocial.Mm.
It's shocking, I know.
There's always the possibility
that that closet door...
Oh, God.Oh, right.
Cue homophobic remark
from Will.Billy's not queer.
Do you think Will's
homophobic?George does.
What? He says so in private.
Billy, be frank.
Have you ever really had sex?
What are we gonna do about you?
I think arranged marriages
are an excellent idea.
There's a girl at the office.
Oh, no. No, please, Jules,
not again.
Please don't make me.
You'll like Janet.No.
She's lovely.I refuse to like Janet.
You OK?Yeah, all right.
Cheers, thanks.
So, what's she like?
Well, she's not a dog.
Oh, she's not a dog, huh?
Black dress.
She's not a dog.
Good luck.Cheers.
I'm working in the City
at the moment.
You know I'm in
the same office as Jules?
But I'm also training to be a marriage
guidance counselor, doing evening classes.
That's what
I really want to do.
The trouble is, it
takes......our sex life's like it is.
What's wrong with our sex life?
Our sex life is perfectly fine.
Our sex life is perfectly fine
except when
it's perfectly shite.
I really don't know
what you're talking about.
Sorry.
I've got a mortgage, you see.
You hate it
when I feel anything.
I really don't want
to be in PR all my life.
You're so lazy, you lie
there like a beached whale.
Billy.And you haven't...
in years.
Billy.Sorry. Sorry.
Are you in any kind of therapy?
No, no, I'm in medical research.
I'm a microbiologist.
Will you excuse me a moment?
Do you want to come in
for coffee?
You mean, do I want to
come in for a shag?
No, thanks.I wasn't offering you
a shag.
I thought we could discuss
things in a civilized manner
over a coffee.
Discuss what?Shagging.
Mm.
I only discuss shagging
prior to actual shagging.
Uh-huh.
OK, I'll call you tomorrow.
Bye.
It would be wonderful
to be a housewife.
A man, baby, shop,
day in, day out.
Nothing to tax the brain.
What about the new man... Frank?
Definite potential, I think.
Nah.
Well, maybe. Fuck potential.
One fabulous fuck.
Daphne.Jules.
Are you jealous?
Hi.
Hi.
A blonde.
Blond hair, in the park.
And I winked at her.
You winked at her?
What on earth possessed you
to wink at her?
Oh, someone suggested it.
Who?
Ah...
Well, I have to get back
to the office.
I've got clients waiting.
Clients?What's wrong with that?
Look, you don't have to call
them "clients" like that, do you?
But that's what
they're called... clients.
I know, but it's just
the way you said it.
The way I said it?Yeah.
Do you have another way
of saying it?
Am I pronouncing it
incorrectly?You know what I mean.
Well, I'm going.
Billy!
OK. If she comes,
you say "hi" and smile.
All right.OK, do it now.
Practice.
What?Practice. Do it now.
"Hi." One syllable.
And you smile.
I'm not a complete moron,
you know.
I do know how
to say "hi."Oh, good.
Bye.Bye.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You look familiar to me.
What's your name?
It's Billy.Billy.
Billy Watson.Billy Watson.
Yeah, Billy Watson.
Billy Watson. Billy
Watson, Billy Watson...
Can we stop saying my name?
I don't know you, then?No, no. Well...
Are you sure we haven't met?
Yes.
Duffle, right?Duffle?
The band?
No.
I thought maybe you were
something to do with Duffle.
God, no. No.
But are you something
to do with Duffle?
Oh, I was seeing one of them
for a while, that's all.
Wow.
Oh, no, it was awful.
Worst time in my life.
Tsk.
You just seem familiar to me.
Hmm.
I winked at you.
You were walking
through the park,
and I was sitting here
and I winked at you.
Really?
Come on, keep going, everybody.
Shoulders down,
relax your bodies.
Ladies, move the hips,
nice and sexy.
So, where's Frank?
Where's George?
Have you ever thought
the clock's ticking?
Ever thought that?
Notice I'm ignoring your
"biological clock" remark.
I didn't say "biological."
I said "clock."
Like?
Like...
maybe it's time
to get real. Hmm?
Smile, sexy ladies.
Whoo. Loads of them.
Come on, keep going, everybody.
Bloody hell,
I... can't do this.
There aren't enough men.
That's nice. Sexy little hips.
Speak for yourself.Whatever.
Move those hips, sexy lady.I'm moving.
Will's not back yet.
Would you like to come in
for a coffee?Yeah.
Sexy lady, move the hips.
Do you believe it's possible to stay
faithful to someone for all of your life?
What, like a swan?
No, no. Is it a swan?
Or is it a penguin?
No, swans. They mate
for life. They do.
You know what?
There was a study.
They checked the DNA of the offspring,
and it didn't match with the parents.
It was always
somebody else's baby.
Yeah.
Do you believe it's possible?
I mean, for life?
Well, who are you talking about?
Are you talking about...?
No, are you talking about Will,
or are you talking about you?
I'd better go.
Well, you know, you start thinking about
those things when you're getting married.
Do you?
Yes.
Well, I'm gonna go now.
Bye.
You know that blonde?What blonde?
The one that we saw in the park.
Yeah, that works
in the coffee shop.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, what about her?
Well...
Look, I'm saying this
for your own sake, OK?
Yeah.
Fine, I won't say it.
Go on, then.
What about the blonde?
You've gotta square up
to a few things here, mate.
I mean... yo5've been single
for a long time, right?
Yeah.OK, now...
There's a pattern going on,
and you're not seeing it.
So what about the blonde?
She's out of your league.
You know, you can just
cut to the chase, so to speak.
I'm not doing this.Just
trust me, would you?
Will, it's... it's not me.
There's no difference between this
and one of your blind fucking dates, mate.
There's no difference at all.
Look, I don't pay for sex.
We always pay for sex...
one way or another.
What is this feeling
called love?
What is this crazy scene
I can't work out nohow?
What is this feeling
called love?
What is this crazy scene
I don't understand nohow?
Maybe I should try it now
Or maybe I should be
shy of it now
'Cause there's nothing
you know that can explain it
And nothing you know
that's worth the pain of it
What is this feeling
called love?
What is this crazy scene I...?
It's 30 quid for a hand job, 30
quid for a blow job, 40 for a fuck.
Any unusual requests
are 50 plus - depending.
How about, uh...
a hand job and, uh... sex?
Sex?
A fuck.
Hand job and a fuck?
What, back-to-back?
Well, I was thinking more, um...
you know, like, mixed together.
Sort of, you know,
like, um... more flowing.
Flowing.Is there a discount?
You just gonna come the once?
I'll do it for 45.
No, I...
Mummy.
I want to look at you.
Look at me?
Yeah... look at you.
Come in.
Billy, it's fine. Come in.
I don't want to.
What do you want?
Sorry?Do you know what you want?
Coffee?That's a start.
OK.Caf or decaf?
Um...
Decaf.Yeah.
Cappuccino, frappuccino,
espresso, latte, mocha?
Cappuccino. Short, tall,
long, cream, whipped, milk,
froth, skinny,
semi, soya, organic?I don't know.
Organic's best.All right.
Dusting?Dusting...?
On top. Chocolate, cinnamon,
nutmeg, carob? Carob's sugar-free.
Sugar on...We're not even
going to address sugar.
So that's a short decaf cappuccino
with organic milk and carob dusting?
Right.Here's one I made earlier.
Thanks.
Yes.
Hi.
How long is it?
This music will ravish you.
Never mind how long it is.
Can't go.
What? Are you ill?
No. Something's come up.
Something's come up?
Daphne, what's come up?
Your shoes. I'm not going in
with you in those shoes.
I'm sorry, but we've
got to be realistic here.
They're shoes.I know.
I can't do it. Believe me,
I wish I could, but I can't.
Could.Can't.
Won't.
When you fancy someone,
when you get those
overwhelming feelings,
you know,
that compulsive response?
It usually means that
the person's a suitable canvas,
because of skin tone,
height, hair,
class, childhood damage,
whatever, that sort of thing.
Usually means they're a canvas
on which you project
your own inner man or woman.
So... you don't
fancy Daphne, then?
Aphrodite's illusion.
So fragile, it's shattered
by a pair of slip-ons.
It's possible, I suppose.
Look... as a potential lover,
I've become part of your
definition of yourself.
In reality, I'm merely someone
you might sleep with.
I'm not you.
They're not your shoes.
Look, it's not my fault
if your shoes are disgusting.
So... farewell, Dutch cap.
A happy shopper.
The finest... Colombian.
Why is it always
the finest Colombian, huh?
Are you crazy?Crazy?
"That's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh...
you like it."
Hi.
Hi.
Look, um...
What if I asked you
if you wanted to have a coffee?
What if you did?
Well, what would you say?
I'd say no.
I don't touch the stuff.
I drink chamomile tea.
But, if by "coffee,"
you don't mean coffee,
you mean conversation,
I'd say maybe,
but I'm busy working
at the moment.
If, on the other hand, "coffee" in
this case is a euphemism for "date,"
as in "audition for romance,"
I'd say...
OK.
OK?Be clearer.
Yeah.Be more precise.
OK.Which is it?
The second one.
I feel my future
brings this loneliness
I'm scared what it
might be like for you
I know you're there
through all this madness
Well, I'll wander around
till I find you
I go in search of justice
every single day
Discovering the simple
things that have drifted far away
I go in search of justice
every single day...
Fuck you, then! Fuck you!
I'll be back.They're my mugs!
One, two, three, four,
get your woman on the floor!
Shut up!
Who's this wanker, anyway?Shut up!
"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen,"
that's what I say.
Right, that's it!
I'm coming to get you!
I'm gonna kick your ass,
you sick shit!
Hey, it's OK. It's OK.
Mummy's just gonna kill Daddy.
Shh...
Who's that, then?
Who's that?
Hi.Hi.
Sorry.
ThCP was...?The baby-sitter.
I've, um... I got you these.
Oh. Thanks.
Are you into Tantric sex?
I don't really know
what that is.
It's about waiting.
Timing is everything.
Timing?
You go, like,
one step at a time,
and you put off doing what
you really want to do, so...
At first, you just
stroke each other,
but you can't touch the
erogenous zones and you can't kiss.
You can't kiss?
No kissing till
the very, very end.
And why not?
Because kissing is the most
touching thing of all.
It goes to your innermost being.
And, um, how long
are you meant to do this for?
Months.
Aren't you hungry?
By the end, you're just
gagging for it, you know?
Everywhere you look,
you just see...
cocks.
Mm... I could murder a beer.
Do you want me to get you
one?I want you to get me one.
All right.
I was gonna buy you flowers.
But, um...
You...
Uh...
Lost your train of thought?
Timing is everything.
Will?
I don't think we have a choice.
It's beyond our control.
You can't choose who you love.
It's pheromones.
It's a chemical thing, you know?
It's like blood,
genes or something.
Um...
either you match
or you don't. It's fate.
Now, here's a poser.
If, for example,
my window cleaner were to find
those shoes in the bin,
take a fancy to them,
and put them on...
and, say,
for the sake of argument,
you were to come across
said window cleaner, in my flat,
cleaning my windows...
if, perchance, your eye
were to fall upon those shoes,
would you experience
a similar disgust?
Give me a break.
Look, come on.
Answer the question.
I'm not gonna fuck
the window cleaner.
After all this.
"After all this," what?
Better be big.
Then we went back to his place.Oh, yeah?
And then... we did it.
I really wanted to tell you.
It kind of took me by surprise.
Frank's gonna make you happy.
I'm really glad.
Do you ever get that feeling
when the train comes in,
that someone's gonna come up
from nowhere and rush up behind you
and push you under the train?
Do you ever get that feeling?
No.
Hello?Billy?
Hey. You're the best friend.Hey.
Hey, you're not shut, are you?
But I have to have a coffee.
I can't do it.
The till's locked.
No, you don't understand.
You see, I'm on the edge
of something really ugly here.
I can come back
and pay tomorrow.
No.No?
No.
Oh, bollocks.Sorry?
Bollocks.
I was just passing.
No, it's the truth, I was.
I was just passing, and, um...
and I saw you.
I'm walking through the park to the
bus stop. Do you want to walk with me?
I think I shall call
my first son Lazarus.
What you think?You want children?
Oh, yeah, I want a whole
football team. Boys and girls.
How's your partner
feel about it?
Well, my partner doesn't
have to worry about it.
She'll be at work.
I stay at home.
I remember seeing you here
with Billy.
You remember me?
You're very handsome.
Got a date?Uh, yeah.
You better go, then.
Jules?
What's wrong?Nothing!
What are you up to?
I'm, um...
I'm interested in you.
Likewise.
Interested and concerned.
Concerned?
About Billy.
In my opinion, Billy's
close friendship with you
is a worrying sign
of low self-esteem.
Don't mention this
to Billy, OK?
What's wrong?
I'm tired.
Do you masturbate
in the mornings?
You shouldn't. You should
save yourself for the day.
Why are you telling me this?
Because you're a wanker.
Billy? Do you think Will
is unfaithful to me?
Um, I'm gonna go now.
You're always going.
Bye.
You were gonna kiss me,
just then.
You weren't gonna kiss me,
were you?
I might be pregnant.
What?
Jules. Dear Jules.
You can't get pregnant
from kissing.
No. Will and I
are gonna have a baby.
Bye.
Oh! Excusez-moi!
Monsieur, I look for the station
qui s'appelle"Angel."
Belle nom, n'est-ce pas?
You're going the right way.
You are very good, monsieur.
You are a good man.
C'est joli, ouais,
to meet an Englishman
who's so...
welcoming.
I look for the... Angel.
Vous connaitre?
Uh... I think you have to change
at the next stop.
Yes, but where is the angel?
Well, there isn't actually...
Non, bien sur,there is.
There must be.
No. No, I don't think...
You mean there's no angel?
Au revoir.
What kind of femme
do you think I am?
I never have oral sex
on the first date.
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just some silly phase
that I'm goin' through
And just because...
So what do you believe?
I don't believe in beliefs.Oh, right.
So you, what,
you believe in nothing?
I believe in doing it
my own way.
She believes!
Sit down, please.
Let them out.
What?
We've all got monsters
in our souls.
Sit down.
You're rocking the boat.
OK...
Don't run away with this.
I'm pregnant.
For God's sake!
Bugger off!
You're not doing that
to my child.
Firstly, it's not a child,
it's a fetus.
Secondly, it's about as much
mine as anything's possible to be.
Now, look, sweetheart...
And thirdly, you're assuming your spermatozoa
triggered this strictly biological event.
Well, knowing you, I'd hardly say
it was an immaculate conception.
Give us that.
Aah!
I'd like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean
you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make no fuss
Don't tell your friends
about the two of us...
1, 2, 3, 4... get your
woman on the floor!
Oh, no.
Good riddance.
Happy families.You can go now.
I want a piss.
There's no law that says
you get to piss in my house.
I'll see you in court,
honey bunny.
Can he do that to you?
I don't know.
Do you want me to go?
Do you want to go?No.
Do you think I wouldn't say
if I wanted you to go?
Come here, sweetie.
It's extremely unlikely
your ex-husband
will get custody of your baby.
However, there's no avoiding
the court process.
Long, expensive, unpleasant,
to say the least.
And I have to warn you,
in this business,
there are no guarantees.
OK?
I'll take him.
Yeah, come on.
It's gonna be OK. Yeah.
Is it going to be OK?Probably.
You seem worried.
I'm not worried.You sure?
Billy, I'm a family lawyer,
and I see this all the time, OK?
OK, sorry about that.
Oi.
Hiya.
New coat?
Looks expensive.
Yep.
So, um, where have you been?
I thought you were coming home
last night. I mean, I missed you.
Jesus Christ.
Hello?
It's my agent. Hello?
It's your agent...
Huh!
I just can't see you
going through with this.
Why?
I don't know. I mean, everything
points to you not going through with this.
It's obvious. It's not...
It's not you.
Maybe I don't want
to be obvious.
Maybe I don't want to be me.
I'm sure
you'd be a good mother.
Bullshit.
I mean...
Who knows what kind
of mother I'll be?
Do you see yourself with a baby?
Make a change.
Do you want to know something
really funny?
I don't know, do I?
I'm pregnant, too.
I like the way
you asked me my name.
I was touched.
Got your phone?
It's me.
Where are you?
Hello.Hello.
What?
I don't know.
I thought you were the one
guilt was never gonna get.
Guilt.
Shag.Bouncy castles.
Roger.Public school rape.
Poke.Shaft.
Seventies black detective.Condoms.
Copulate.Disgusted of Finchley.
Hump.Under the bedclothes.
Intercourse.
What about "make love"?
Aw!What?
It's sloppy, it's slimy, and
it's very, very, very Seventies.
"To have it away."
"To have your way."
And then there's "fuck."
What about "fuck"?
Well, there's
"to fuck someone."
There's "to fuck someone over."
Meow.
I'm looking for Will.
He's asleep.
He loves you.
that my consolation prize?
He hurt.
What are you thinking?
I believe everyone
has a soul mate.
I believe...
everything I read
in the tabloids.
I believe the stars
are a map of our lives.
Oh, I believe that my Aunt Emily
was having an affair
when me Uncle Ron died,
even though she was 82
at the time.
I believe you're right.
And I believe...
I don't believe I know.
What do you know?
I know what you're gonna say.
Don't say it.
Dodie...
I really...
Do you?
I didn't say it.
Has something gone wrong?
I believe...
that at any given moment,
we're all exactly
where we're meant to be.
I want you to remember that.
Billy!
Billy!
She went back to America.
I loved her.
Come on.
Let's go and get wasted.
Hi.
Hi.
What's up?
Uh...
I'm cutting down my hours here.
Gonna work more from home.
What are you doing that for?
Whose baby is it, Daphne?
Come on. Whose baby?
Got any pain relief around here?
What did you have in mind?
Well... oblivion would be nice.
I want a margarita.
Billy?
Billy!
She wants a margarita.
It's their names.What?
It's their names.What?
Mark and Rita.
You do. You want a margarita,
don't you?
Yeah.Is that what you want?
Yeah.Yeah?
What do you want, then?
I want to eat you.
Which bit of me?
Billy. We're just gonna... we're just
gonna pop out for a little walk, all right?
I'll be back.See ya later.
You all right?Yeah.
What are you doing?
I live here.
You live here?
Yeah. With my husband.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Please.I'm sorry, darling.
You have another one
on me, darling.
Fuck off!
What?
You heard the lady. Fuck off.
Fuck!
Oi, son. Leave it out.
Wanker.
Oh, fuck you.
You can't drive.I can't possibly drive.
Hello?
Jules!
Do you want to speak
to Will?No, I'm not here.
Um...
Hey!
You're breaking up a little bit, Jules.
Sorry, we're just going into an underpass.
Hang on.
Will! Will!
Will!
Will's not here.No, I know.
What's wrong?No...
I don't even mind
that she's gone.
She's gone.
It's just the way she did it,
do you know what I mean?
Come on.I mean...
I really liked her.
You know, but I'll live.
I don't even want to live.
That's stupid, I know, but...
But I don't think
that I've ever...
you know, truly
been in love before.
She's my first love.
Carrots.
I just wish she would stop going
round and round in my head.
You'll meet someone
else.I don't want anyone else.
You don't understand. The thought of
anyone else, well, that just disgusts me.
Ohh!
And now,
I'm gonna be on my own.
I'll never have children.
And do you want to know
something really terrible?
I never... I never told her
that I loved you.
Her... her. Never told her
that I loved her.
You're pissed.
Sorry.
You're back.Happy?
Sort of.
I've come to say goodbye.
Why?
Let's discuss this.
It's not up for discussion.
Silence.
You have no messages.
Hello?
What the fuck...?I don't know.
I don't know.
They won't tell me anything.
What happened?
What happened to her?
Nothing happened to her.
She took something.
What do you mean, she took
something?Yeah, that's what they said.
You mean she took
something as in...
Yeah, she tried to kill herself.
You know when you're
thinking about buying a new car?
Yeah.
And you think, "Maybe
I should get a small one.
You know, I live in town, and
I've got to be able to park the thing."
And then you
come out of your house,
and the first thing you see is this
amazing classic Merc just gliding past.
You know, like a boat?Yeah.
And it's got a "For Sale"
sign in the window,
and it is half the price
of a new car.
And you think,
"Wow, I want that car."
Yeah.
But you don't actually
buy it, do you?
You don't buy it and take it
home and bitch it day and night
because you can't park
the bloody thing, do you?
What are you on about?
George... I can't park him.
Where is she?
Where is she?Frank... Frank,
she's all right.
She survived. Daphne survived.
What is it?
What is it?
Unfinished business.
Unfinished?
You heard me.
Let's finish it.
Will...
No.
No, but you're not yourself.
But I am.
I'm very clear.
I'm glad that you came.
I wanted to tell you that...
I love you.
I love you.
It's OK. I don't require you
to love me back.
I just wanted to say it.
I didn't want to go through life
without having said it.
That's all.
Don't.
Jules, please.
We have to talk.
I mean, come on, it's...
I told you,
it's not up for discussion.
I'm the father.
You're the father?
The father of your child.
The father of my child.
Yes.
Yes, you are.
Daphne had a miscarriage.
It was Will's baby.
Will and Daphne have been
fucking since the first day you all met.
Daphne took an overdose.
Go after her.
Go on, go after her.
What a day for a daydream
What a day
for a daydreamin' boy...
Now, this is
a list of questions.
It's the questions
that I'd like you to answer.
What is your name?
What sex are you?
Do you have a home?
What is your sexual preference?
Do you have children?
What is your relationship
with your parents like?
Who are your friends?
How do you choose your friends?
Are you capable
of true compassion?
Can you be happy
at the success of others?
Do you have hope?
What do you hope for?
Do you take responsibility for
making your dreams come true?
Do you say what you mean?
Can you be trusted?
Is your sex life
an expression of love?
Do you know what you want?
Do you want
what you cannot have?
I love you!
Do you find it difficult
to make a decision?
Can you say no?
Do you want to change?
Do you resist change?
What is the meaning
of your life... to you?
Custom-made
for a daydreamin' boy
Now I'm lost in a daydream
Dreamin' 'bout
my bundle of joy...
To Lela. Lela!
Welcome.
Did you know that
married people don't kiss?
Mm-hmm. I read it in the paper.
They did this survey,
and a high percentage,
after a certain number of years,
none of us kiss.
So what does that tell us?
I don't know. Ah, ah, ah!
No... See, there's one thing
that I do know.What?
If there's going to be any kissing,
it's not till the very, very end.
Timing is everything.
Hey.Hey.
She looks like you.
You think she looks like me?
Nah, I think she looks like me.
Oh, no, don't think
she looks like you.
Thank you. Who do you
look like, little one, hey?
It's obvious who.
She looks like her dad.
I'm sorry.
Daphne?Go to the party, Frank.
I don't want to go to the party.
I love you.
Heathrow, please.
You got your passport
with you? No.
Have you?No.
Well, I have,
but I always carry it with me.
Frank, you are not
coming with me.I know. I know that.
I know that.
Elephant juice.
What's that?
Elephant juice?Exactly.
Elephant juice what?
Just I love you.
to grow to love someone.
I don't want
to grow to love anyone.
I mean, I want the real
thing. I want "boom!"
And for my opening line
I'm not trying to indicate...
Excuse me!
Go away! Or turn you on
I tell you that I'm laughin'
just to keep from cryin'
And pretty music
when you hear it
Keep on tryin' to get near it
A little rhythm
for your spirit
Oh, but that's what it's
for, come on in, here's the door
Now, I've seen
a sparrow get high
And waste his time in the sky
He thinks it's easy to fly
He's just a little bit
freer than I
Now, here's a mystery
And maybe you can help
to make it clear to me
When you're fast asleep
Then what is it that's
lighting up the dreams you see...
When Graham met George,
we all said it wouldn't last.
Hiya.All right.
We're all still saying it
three years down the line.
...so you can feel it
And when you make the
scene, well, you know what I mean
Will? Hey, I've seen
a sparrow get high
And waste his time in the sky
He thinks it's easy to fly
He's just a little bit
freer than I
Love at first sight exists.
Believe me, I was there.
Do you know what day it is?
I've got a Valentine for you,
biggest fucking Valentine
you ever saw in your life.
Will you marry me?
What for?
What you mean, "What for?"
Will and Jules
got it together way back,
way back
in the beginning of time.
They were the first couple,
like Adam and Eve.
What does anyone do it for?
For love.
"Do you know
that you have a choice?"
"Do you want to change?"
"Can you tell someone
you love them?"
Frank.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Look, sorry.
I've got a date tonight.
I'd be the last to deny...
Daphne says she found Frank
on the Internet.
And don't you know
each little bird in the sky...
Daphne swears by the Internet.
Poor Frank. He doesn't know it
yet, but Daphne's untouchable.
We call her "The Virtual Woman."
Hello.
...what they think is real...
Oh, God.
...animated puppet show
So don't let time and space
confuse you
And don't let name and form
abuse you
But when that
Big Joe Williams blues you...
They say, these friends of mine,
they say my problem is,
I don't know what I want.
I've seen a sparrow get high
And waste his time in the sky
And don't you know
he thinks it''s easy...
I love you.
Jules and I are getting married.
I knew it.
Whoops.
All right.
To the happy couple.
To the dysfunctional family.
Uh, that is clinically
interesting.
I believe there are no
secrets between friends.
To the future.To Jules and Will.
To Billy.
It all comes out in the end.
Just drink the fucking
champagne, will you?
It all still goes on, you know.
All what?
All of it. Everything.
It's a hard life.
What is it like?What?
You were made for it.
I mean, they all want you.
It's my curse.
Would you like try?
It's very good.
Herbal tea, spice.
Many spiritual energies.
You drink. I come back later.
See? They can't resist.
I winked at hEr.
You what?
I winked at her.
She came over
'cause I winked at her.
What?
You're out of your mind.
You're not meant
to wink at them.
Try it.
Get out of here.Come on, try it.
I can't.Just do it.
Come on,
just go for it.I can't.
Just once. Come on, I dare you.
I was born in a later
evolutionary cycle.
I've lost the ability
to wink at women.Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Do it, do it, do it.
You are full of crap.
Did you enjoy it? That was very nice.
Billy last had sex...
When?
It was sometime early '93,
wasn't it?
Billy's single.
How antisocial.Mm.
It's shocking, I know.
There's always the possibility
that that closet door...
Oh, God.Oh, right.
Cue homophobic remark
from Will.Billy's not queer.
Do you think Will's
homophobic?George does.
What? He says so in private.
Billy, be frank.
Have you ever really had sex?
What are we gonna do about you?
I think arranged marriages
are an excellent idea.
There's a girl at the office.
Oh, no. No, please, Jules,
not again.
Please don't make me.
You'll like Janet.No.
She's lovely.I refuse to like Janet.
You OK?Yeah, all right.
Cheers, thanks.
So, what's she like?
Well, she's not a dog.
Oh, she's not a dog, huh?
Black dress.
She's not a dog.
Good luck.Cheers.
I'm working in the City
at the moment.
You know I'm in
the same office as Jules?
But I'm also training to be a marriage
guidance counselor, doing evening classes.
That's what
I really want to do.
The trouble is, it
takes......our sex life's like it is.
What's wrong with our sex life?
Our sex life is perfectly fine.
Our sex life is perfectly fine
except when
it's perfectly shite.
I really don't know
what you're talking about.
Sorry.
I've got a mortgage, you see.
You hate it
when I feel anything.
I really don't want
to be in PR all my life.
You're so lazy, you lie
there like a beached whale.
Billy.And you haven't...
in years.
Billy.Sorry. Sorry.
Are you in any kind of therapy?
No, no, I'm in medical research.
I'm a microbiologist.
Will you excuse me a moment?
Do you want to come in
for coffee?
You mean, do I want to
come in for a shag?
No, thanks.I wasn't offering you
a shag.
I thought we could discuss
things in a civilized manner
over a coffee.
Discuss what?Shagging.
Mm.
I only discuss shagging
prior to actual shagging.
Uh-huh.
OK, I'll call you tomorrow.
Bye.
It would be wonderful
to be a housewife.
A man, baby, shop,
day in, day out.
Nothing to tax the brain.
What about the new man... Frank?
Definite potential, I think.
Nah.
Well, maybe. Fuck potential.
One fabulous fuck.
Daphne.Jules.
Are you jealous?
Hi.
Hi.
A blonde.
Blond hair, in the park.
And I winked at her.
You winked at her?
What on earth possessed you
to wink at her?
Oh, someone suggested it.
Who?
Ah...
Well, I have to get back
to the office.
I've got clients waiting.
Clients?What's wrong with that?
Look, you don't have to call
them "clients" like that, do you?
But that's what
they're called... clients.
I know, but it's just
the way you said it.
The way I said it?Yeah.
Do you have another way
of saying it?
Am I pronouncing it
incorrectly?You know what I mean.
Well, I'm going.
Billy!
OK. If she comes,
you say "hi" and smile.
All right.OK, do it now.
Practice.
What?Practice. Do it now.
"Hi." One syllable.
And you smile.
I'm not a complete moron,
you know.
I do know how
to say "hi."Oh, good.
Bye.Bye.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You look familiar to me.
What's your name?
It's Billy.Billy.
Billy Watson.Billy Watson.
Yeah, Billy Watson.
Billy Watson. Billy
Watson, Billy Watson...
Can we stop saying my name?
I don't know you, then?No, no. Well...
Are you sure we haven't met?
Yes.
Duffle, right?Duffle?
The band?
No.
I thought maybe you were
something to do with Duffle.
God, no. No.
But are you something
to do with Duffle?
Oh, I was seeing one of them
for a while, that's all.
Wow.
Oh, no, it was awful.
Worst time in my life.
Tsk.
You just seem familiar to me.
Hmm.
I winked at you.
You were walking
through the park,
and I was sitting here
and I winked at you.
Really?
Come on, keep going, everybody.
Shoulders down,
relax your bodies.
Ladies, move the hips,
nice and sexy.
So, where's Frank?
Where's George?
Have you ever thought
the clock's ticking?
Ever thought that?
Notice I'm ignoring your
"biological clock" remark.
I didn't say "biological."
I said "clock."
Like?
Like...
maybe it's time
to get real. Hmm?
Smile, sexy ladies.
Whoo. Loads of them.
Come on, keep going, everybody.
Bloody hell,
I... can't do this.
There aren't enough men.
That's nice. Sexy little hips.
Speak for yourself.Whatever.
Move those hips, sexy lady.I'm moving.
Will's not back yet.
Would you like to come in
for a coffee?Yeah.
Sexy lady, move the hips.
Do you believe it's possible to stay
faithful to someone for all of your life?
What, like a swan?
No, no. Is it a swan?
Or is it a penguin?
No, swans. They mate
for life. They do.
You know what?
There was a study.
They checked the DNA of the offspring,
and it didn't match with the parents.
It was always
somebody else's baby.
Yeah.
Do you believe it's possible?
I mean, for life?
Well, who are you talking about?
Are you talking about...?
No, are you talking about Will,
or are you talking about you?
I'd better go.
Well, you know, you start thinking about
those things when you're getting married.
Do you?
Yes.
Well, I'm gonna go now.
Bye.
You know that blonde?What blonde?
The one that we saw in the park.
Yeah, that works
in the coffee shop.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, what about her?
Well...
Look, I'm saying this
for your own sake, OK?
Yeah.
Fine, I won't say it.
Go on, then.
What about the blonde?
You've gotta square up
to a few things here, mate.
I mean... yo5've been single
for a long time, right?
Yeah.OK, now...
There's a pattern going on,
and you're not seeing it.
So what about the blonde?
She's out of your league.
You know, you can just
cut to the chase, so to speak.
I'm not doing this.Just
trust me, would you?
Will, it's... it's not me.
There's no difference between this
and one of your blind fucking dates, mate.
There's no difference at all.
Look, I don't pay for sex.
We always pay for sex...
one way or another.
What is this feeling
called love?
What is this crazy scene
I can't work out nohow?
What is this feeling
called love?
What is this crazy scene
I don't understand nohow?
Maybe I should try it now
Or maybe I should be
shy of it now
'Cause there's nothing
you know that can explain it
And nothing you know
that's worth the pain of it
What is this feeling
called love?
What is this crazy scene I...?
It's 30 quid for a hand job, 30
quid for a blow job, 40 for a fuck.
Any unusual requests
are 50 plus - depending.
How about, uh...
a hand job and, uh... sex?
Sex?
A fuck.
Hand job and a fuck?
What, back-to-back?
Well, I was thinking more, um...
you know, like, mixed together.
Sort of, you know,
like, um... more flowing.
Flowing.Is there a discount?
You just gonna come the once?
I'll do it for 45.
No, I...
Mummy.
I want to look at you.
Look at me?
Yeah... look at you.
Come in.
Billy, it's fine. Come in.
I don't want to.
What do you want?
Sorry?Do you know what you want?
Coffee?That's a start.
OK.Caf or decaf?
Um...
Decaf.Yeah.
Cappuccino, frappuccino,
espresso, latte, mocha?
Cappuccino. Short, tall,
long, cream, whipped, milk,
froth, skinny,
semi, soya, organic?I don't know.
Organic's best.All right.
Dusting?Dusting...?
On top. Chocolate, cinnamon,
nutmeg, carob? Carob's sugar-free.
Sugar on...We're not even
going to address sugar.
So that's a short decaf cappuccino
with organic milk and carob dusting?
Right.Here's one I made earlier.
Thanks.
Yes.
Hi.
How long is it?
This music will ravish you.
Never mind how long it is.
Can't go.
What? Are you ill?
No. Something's come up.
Something's come up?
Daphne, what's come up?
Your shoes. I'm not going in
with you in those shoes.
I'm sorry, but we've
got to be realistic here.
They're shoes.I know.
I can't do it. Believe me,
I wish I could, but I can't.
Could.Can't.
Won't.
When you fancy someone,
when you get those
overwhelming feelings,
you know,
that compulsive response?
It usually means that
the person's a suitable canvas,
because of skin tone,
height, hair,
class, childhood damage,
whatever, that sort of thing.
Usually means they're a canvas
on which you project
your own inner man or woman.
So... you don't
fancy Daphne, then?
Aphrodite's illusion.
So fragile, it's shattered
by a pair of slip-ons.
It's possible, I suppose.
Look... as a potential lover,
I've become part of your
definition of yourself.
In reality, I'm merely someone
you might sleep with.
I'm not you.
They're not your shoes.
Look, it's not my fault
if your shoes are disgusting.
So... farewell, Dutch cap.
A happy shopper.
The finest... Colombian.
Why is it always
the finest Colombian, huh?
Are you crazy?Crazy?
"That's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh...
you like it."
Hi.
Hi.
Look, um...
What if I asked you
if you wanted to have a coffee?
What if you did?
Well, what would you say?
I'd say no.
I don't touch the stuff.
I drink chamomile tea.
But, if by "coffee,"
you don't mean coffee,
you mean conversation,
I'd say maybe,
but I'm busy working
at the moment.
If, on the other hand, "coffee" in
this case is a euphemism for "date,"
as in "audition for romance,"
I'd say...
OK.
OK?Be clearer.
Yeah.Be more precise.
OK.Which is it?
The second one.
I feel my future
brings this loneliness
I'm scared what it
might be like for you
I know you're there
through all this madness
Well, I'll wander around
till I find you
I go in search of justice
every single day
Discovering the simple
things that have drifted far away
I go in search of justice
every single day...
Fuck you, then! Fuck you!
I'll be back.They're my mugs!
One, two, three, four,
get your woman on the floor!
Shut up!
Who's this wanker, anyway?Shut up!
"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen,"
that's what I say.
Right, that's it!
I'm coming to get you!
I'm gonna kick your ass,
you sick shit!
Hey, it's OK. It's OK.
Mummy's just gonna kill Daddy.
Shh...
Who's that, then?
Who's that?
Hi.Hi.
Sorry.
ThCP was...?The baby-sitter.
I've, um... I got you these.
Oh. Thanks.
Are you into Tantric sex?
I don't really know
what that is.
It's about waiting.
Timing is everything.
Timing?
You go, like,
one step at a time,
and you put off doing what
you really want to do, so...
At first, you just
stroke each other,
but you can't touch the
erogenous zones and you can't kiss.
You can't kiss?
No kissing till
the very, very end.
And why not?
Because kissing is the most
touching thing of all.
It goes to your innermost being.
And, um, how long
are you meant to do this for?
Months.
Aren't you hungry?
By the end, you're just
gagging for it, you know?
Everywhere you look,
you just see...
cocks.
Mm... I could murder a beer.
Do you want me to get you
one?I want you to get me one.
All right.
I was gonna buy you flowers.
But, um...
You...
Uh...
Lost your train of thought?
Timing is everything.
Will?
I don't think we have a choice.
It's beyond our control.
You can't choose who you love.
It's pheromones.
It's a chemical thing, you know?
It's like blood,
genes or something.
Um...
either you match
or you don't. It's fate.
Now, here's a poser.
If, for example,
my window cleaner were to find
those shoes in the bin,
take a fancy to them,
and put them on...
and, say,
for the sake of argument,
you were to come across
said window cleaner, in my flat,
cleaning my windows...
if, perchance, your eye
were to fall upon those shoes,
would you experience
a similar disgust?
Give me a break.
Look, come on.
Answer the question.
I'm not gonna fuck
the window cleaner.
After all this.
"After all this," what?
Better be big.
Then we went back to his place.Oh, yeah?
And then... we did it.
I really wanted to tell you.
It kind of took me by surprise.
Frank's gonna make you happy.
I'm really glad.
Do you ever get that feeling
when the train comes in,
that someone's gonna come up
from nowhere and rush up behind you
and push you under the train?
Do you ever get that feeling?
No.
Hello?Billy?
Hey. You're the best friend.Hey.
Hey, you're not shut, are you?
But I have to have a coffee.
I can't do it.
The till's locked.
No, you don't understand.
You see, I'm on the edge
of something really ugly here.
I can come back
and pay tomorrow.
No.No?
No.
Oh, bollocks.Sorry?
Bollocks.
I was just passing.
No, it's the truth, I was.
I was just passing, and, um...
and I saw you.
I'm walking through the park to the
bus stop. Do you want to walk with me?
I think I shall call
my first son Lazarus.
What you think?You want children?
Oh, yeah, I want a whole
football team. Boys and girls.
How's your partner
feel about it?
Well, my partner doesn't
have to worry about it.
She'll be at work.
I stay at home.
I remember seeing you here
with Billy.
You remember me?
You're very handsome.
Got a date?Uh, yeah.
You better go, then.
Jules?
What's wrong?Nothing!
What are you up to?
I'm, um...
I'm interested in you.
Likewise.
Interested and concerned.
Concerned?
About Billy.
In my opinion, Billy's
close friendship with you
is a worrying sign
of low self-esteem.
Don't mention this
to Billy, OK?
What's wrong?
I'm tired.
Do you masturbate
in the mornings?
You shouldn't. You should
save yourself for the day.
Why are you telling me this?
Because you're a wanker.
Billy? Do you think Will
is unfaithful to me?
Um, I'm gonna go now.
You're always going.
Bye.
You were gonna kiss me,
just then.
You weren't gonna kiss me,
were you?
I might be pregnant.
What?
Jules. Dear Jules.
You can't get pregnant
from kissing.
No. Will and I
are gonna have a baby.
Bye.
Oh! Excusez-moi!
Monsieur, I look for the station
qui s'appelle"Angel."
Belle nom, n'est-ce pas?
You're going the right way.
You are very good, monsieur.
You are a good man.
C'est joli, ouais,
to meet an Englishman
who's so...
welcoming.
I look for the... Angel.
Vous connaitre?
Uh... I think you have to change
at the next stop.
Yes, but where is the angel?
Well, there isn't actually...
Non, bien sur,there is.
There must be.
No. No, I don't think...
You mean there's no angel?
Au revoir.
What kind of femme
do you think I am?
I never have oral sex
on the first date.
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just some silly phase
that I'm goin' through
And just because...
So what do you believe?
I don't believe in beliefs.Oh, right.
So you, what,
you believe in nothing?
I believe in doing it
my own way.
She believes!
Sit down, please.
Let them out.
What?
We've all got monsters
in our souls.
Sit down.
You're rocking the boat.
OK...
Don't run away with this.
I'm pregnant.
For God's sake!
Bugger off!
You're not doing that
to my child.
Firstly, it's not a child,
it's a fetus.
Secondly, it's about as much
mine as anything's possible to be.
Now, look, sweetheart...
And thirdly, you're assuming your spermatozoa
triggered this strictly biological event.
Well, knowing you, I'd hardly say
it was an immaculate conception.
Give us that.
Aah!
I'd like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean
you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make no fuss
Don't tell your friends
about the two of us...
1, 2, 3, 4... get your
woman on the floor!
Oh, no.
Good riddance.
Happy families.You can go now.
I want a piss.
There's no law that says
you get to piss in my house.
I'll see you in court,
honey bunny.
Can he do that to you?
I don't know.
Do you want me to go?
Do you want to go?No.
Do you think I wouldn't say
if I wanted you to go?
Come here, sweetie.
It's extremely unlikely
your ex-husband
will get custody of your baby.
However, there's no avoiding
the court process.
Long, expensive, unpleasant,
to say the least.
And I have to warn you,
in this business,
there are no guarantees.
OK?
I'll take him.
Yeah, come on.
It's gonna be OK. Yeah.
Is it going to be OK?Probably.
You seem worried.
I'm not worried.You sure?
Billy, I'm a family lawyer,
and I see this all the time, OK?
OK, sorry about that.
Oi.
Hiya.
New coat?
Looks expensive.
Yep.
So, um, where have you been?
I thought you were coming home
last night. I mean, I missed you.
Jesus Christ.
Hello?
It's my agent. Hello?
It's your agent...
Huh!
I just can't see you
going through with this.
Why?
I don't know. I mean, everything
points to you not going through with this.
It's obvious. It's not...
It's not you.
Maybe I don't want
to be obvious.
Maybe I don't want to be me.
I'm sure
you'd be a good mother.
Bullshit.
I mean...
Who knows what kind
of mother I'll be?
Do you see yourself with a baby?
Make a change.
Do you want to know something
really funny?
I don't know, do I?
I'm pregnant, too.
I like the way
you asked me my name.
I was touched.
Got your phone?
It's me.
Where are you?
Hello.Hello.
What?
I don't know.
I thought you were the one
guilt was never gonna get.
Guilt.
Shag.Bouncy castles.
Roger.Public school rape.
Poke.Shaft.
Seventies black detective.Condoms.
Copulate.Disgusted of Finchley.
Hump.Under the bedclothes.
Intercourse.
What about "make love"?
Aw!What?
It's sloppy, it's slimy, and
it's very, very, very Seventies.
"To have it away."
"To have your way."
And then there's "fuck."
What about "fuck"?
Well, there's
"to fuck someone."
There's "to fuck someone over."
Meow.
I'm looking for Will.
He's asleep.
He loves you.
that my consolation prize?
He hurt.
What are you thinking?
I believe everyone
has a soul mate.
I believe...
everything I read
in the tabloids.
I believe the stars
are a map of our lives.
Oh, I believe that my Aunt Emily
was having an affair
when me Uncle Ron died,
even though she was 82
at the time.
I believe you're right.
And I believe...
I don't believe I know.
What do you know?
I know what you're gonna say.
Don't say it.
Dodie...
I really...
Do you?
I didn't say it.
Has something gone wrong?
I believe...
that at any given moment,
we're all exactly
where we're meant to be.
I want you to remember that.
Billy!
Billy!
She went back to America.
I loved her.
Come on.
Let's go and get wasted.
Hi.
Hi.
What's up?
Uh...
I'm cutting down my hours here.
Gonna work more from home.
What are you doing that for?
Whose baby is it, Daphne?
Come on. Whose baby?
Got any pain relief around here?
What did you have in mind?
Well... oblivion would be nice.
I want a margarita.
Billy?
Billy!
She wants a margarita.
It's their names.What?
It's their names.What?
Mark and Rita.
You do. You want a margarita,
don't you?
Yeah.Is that what you want?
Yeah.Yeah?
What do you want, then?
I want to eat you.
Which bit of me?
Billy. We're just gonna... we're just
gonna pop out for a little walk, all right?
I'll be back.See ya later.
You all right?Yeah.
What are you doing?
I live here.
You live here?
Yeah. With my husband.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Please.I'm sorry, darling.
You have another one
on me, darling.
Fuck off!
What?
You heard the lady. Fuck off.
Fuck!
Oi, son. Leave it out.
Wanker.
Oh, fuck you.
You can't drive.I can't possibly drive.
Hello?
Jules!
Do you want to speak
to Will?No, I'm not here.
Um...
Hey!
You're breaking up a little bit, Jules.
Sorry, we're just going into an underpass.
Hang on.
Will! Will!
Will!
Will's not here.No, I know.
What's wrong?No...
I don't even mind
that she's gone.
She's gone.
It's just the way she did it,
do you know what I mean?
Come on.I mean...
I really liked her.
You know, but I'll live.
I don't even want to live.
That's stupid, I know, but...
But I don't think
that I've ever...
you know, truly
been in love before.
She's my first love.
Carrots.
I just wish she would stop going
round and round in my head.
You'll meet someone
else.I don't want anyone else.
You don't understand. The thought of
anyone else, well, that just disgusts me.
Ohh!
And now,
I'm gonna be on my own.
I'll never have children.
And do you want to know
something really terrible?
I never... I never told her
that I loved you.
Her... her. Never told her
that I loved her.
You're pissed.
Sorry.
You're back.Happy?
Sort of.
I've come to say goodbye.
Why?
Let's discuss this.
It's not up for discussion.
Silence.
You have no messages.
Hello?
What the fuck...?I don't know.
I don't know.
They won't tell me anything.
What happened?
What happened to her?
Nothing happened to her.
She took something.
What do you mean, she took
something?Yeah, that's what they said.
You mean she took
something as in...
Yeah, she tried to kill herself.
You know when you're
thinking about buying a new car?
Yeah.
And you think, "Maybe
I should get a small one.
You know, I live in town, and
I've got to be able to park the thing."
And then you
come out of your house,
and the first thing you see is this
amazing classic Merc just gliding past.
You know, like a boat?Yeah.
And it's got a "For Sale"
sign in the window,
and it is half the price
of a new car.
And you think,
"Wow, I want that car."
Yeah.
But you don't actually
buy it, do you?
You don't buy it and take it
home and bitch it day and night
because you can't park
the bloody thing, do you?
What are you on about?
George... I can't park him.
Where is she?
Where is she?Frank... Frank,
she's all right.
She survived. Daphne survived.
What is it?
What is it?
Unfinished business.
Unfinished?
You heard me.
Let's finish it.
Will...
No.
No, but you're not yourself.
But I am.
I'm very clear.
I'm glad that you came.
I wanted to tell you that...
I love you.
I love you.
It's OK. I don't require you
to love me back.
I just wanted to say it.
I didn't want to go through life
without having said it.
That's all.
Don't.
Jules, please.
We have to talk.
I mean, come on, it's...
I told you,
it's not up for discussion.
I'm the father.
You're the father?
The father of your child.
The father of my child.
Yes.
Yes, you are.
Daphne had a miscarriage.
It was Will's baby.
Will and Daphne have been
fucking since the first day you all met.
Daphne took an overdose.
Go after her.
Go on, go after her.
What a day for a daydream
What a day
for a daydreamin' boy...
Now, this is
a list of questions.
It's the questions
that I'd like you to answer.
What is your name?
What sex are you?
Do you have a home?
What is your sexual preference?
Do you have children?
What is your relationship
with your parents like?
Who are your friends?
How do you choose your friends?
Are you capable
of true compassion?
Can you be happy
at the success of others?
Do you have hope?
What do you hope for?
Do you take responsibility for
making your dreams come true?
Do you say what you mean?
Can you be trusted?
Is your sex life
an expression of love?
Do you know what you want?
Do you want
what you cannot have?
I love you!
Do you find it difficult
to make a decision?
Can you say no?
Do you want to change?
Do you resist change?
What is the meaning
of your life... to you?
Custom-made
for a daydreamin' boy
Now I'm lost in a daydream
Dreamin' 'bout
my bundle of joy...
To Lela. Lela!
Welcome.
Did you know that
married people don't kiss?
Mm-hmm. I read it in the paper.
They did this survey,
and a high percentage,
after a certain number of years,
none of us kiss.
So what does that tell us?
I don't know. Ah, ah, ah!
No... See, there's one thing
that I do know.What?
If there's going to be any kissing,
it's not till the very, very end.
Timing is everything.
Hey.Hey.
She looks like you.
You think she looks like me?
Nah, I think she looks like me.
Oh, no, don't think
she looks like you.
Thank you. Who do you
look like, little one, hey?
It's obvious who.
She looks like her dad.
I'm sorry.
Daphne?Go to the party, Frank.
I don't want to go to the party.
I love you.
Heathrow, please.
You got your passport
with you? No.
Have you?No.
Well, I have,
but I always carry it with me.
Frank, you are not
coming with me.I know. I know that.
I know that.
Elephant juice.
What's that?
Elephant juice?Exactly.
Elephant juice what?
Just I love you.