Elf Me (2023) Movie Script

1,486 METERS -2C,
DECEMBER 21SYou're dead.
You're dead! Dead!
Mom, can't you wake me up by
shouting, like all normal moms?
I've killed all normal moms.
Take that! And that!
Do you think Dad
will be back for Christmas?
Haven't you heard?
His helicopter was downed by a shark.
Come on, can't you be serious for once?
- We're real crazy, aren't we?
- Maybe a little too much.
Elia, don't talk about yourself that way.
I wasn't talking about myself.
Oh, thanks.
You're lucky I'm late
or I'd have tickled you to death.
I'm running to the store.
Why? Have we finally had a customer?
It's not my fault
if people don't play anymore
with good old-fashioned toys.
Anyhow, I like the marionette.
Enjoy your day, sweetie.
And remember...
Never stop dreaming,
even when you're awake.
Good boy.
Say, "Bye!"
- Bye.
- Bye!
2,147 METERS -49C
Cheer up, my friends!
Only a few days to Christmas.
A storm of gifts has been forecast
by the weather service
for all good children.
None for the naughty ones, of course.
We remind you it's strictly forbidden
to interact with children.
But keep up the Christmas magic.
I won't fail. He loves huge pencils.
I hope I'm not too late.
Public service announcement.
Whoever has been using the glitter-gun
must clean it before putting it back.
Calm down, be quiet!
I will call you. Take a number.
Talking about toys, today is the last day
to present your latest inventions.
Will Trip be kicked out of
the boss' office again this year?
Or will they stop him
before he sets foot inside?
- Nine!
- Here it is!
Whoever has had their prototype approved,
please approach the assembly area
for a test.
Highest Royalty, may I?
Naughty kids...
are on the rise.
Are you there, Your Toyness?
Who's there?
Dear old Trip!
What have you brought me this year?
Have you made me any new toys?
Yes, I'm a bit nervous, though,
nearly moved,
because this time I've outdone myself.
I made this.
It's called Multi-Sound Whistle.
Oh, cute!
What are you doing here, Trip?
I gave you ticket number 60,
and they just called number nine.
How is that possible?
Your Playfulness,
his behavior is jeopardizing
the elven kinship
which has characterized us for millennia.
Your Toyness, this whistle can emit
any sound you want to hear.
Children will love it!
Let me hear the sound of kittens,
you know I like those.
Yes. This works the other way around.
You have to suck in.
And now give me a horror movie scream.
Come on!
For goodness sake.
Now I'd like the shoelace
of a man's shoe from the '50s
rubbing against a gramophone.
I love gramophones.
But... Trip! But...
Well done.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Last, but not least,
my latest invention.
Perhaps my greatest masterpiece.
Well! Let's see.
This one.
This is the spinn...
The spinn...
The spinn...
- Spinning topper.
- Yes.
It basically works like a spinn...
A spinn...
- A spinning top.
- Thanks.
But it's not the top
that spins, it's...
the room!
The whole room spins around.
Yes. The whole room is spinning around.
But then you know
how to turn it off, right?
Well, I'm working on that!
How do we stop it?
Now stop it!
Stop it right now, Trip!
Stop it!
I'm sorry!
Trip. I'll kill you!
Next up!
These contraptions'll be kept here...
along with those from past years.
Your inventions are dangerous.
But my toys give kids
the thrill they seek.
What do you know about what kids seek?
Have you ever seen one?
What do you know about them?
Studied them in handbooks?
Like they were home appliances.
Well, unlike you, though,
I am still... still a crafter elf!
You miserable loser!
I was out of line.
Trip, I know they are looking for
a new football stitcher. Sorry.
Come on, you're taking ages! Hurry up.
- Give it back!
- Come on, let me open it.
I want to open it myself.
Hands off!
- Are you ready?
- Go for it.
Wnderkammer's sacred hammer.
Got it.
The Son of Troll!
But it's a half-blood's card!
The Crafter Elf!
With the power to forge magical artifacts?
I don't have it.
Come on, read his skills!
Come on!
Hi, losers.
Hi, Giada.
Is that a Buddy Buddy?
How did you get it?
Who told you that you can talk to me?
I gave it to her.
My dad is the only one who can sell them.
Unlike that loser mom of yours,
who only sells trash.
What are you hiding there? Show me.
Chicken shits!
Let's go get our bikes.
Come on, they're running away!
Come on! Come on!
Come on, faster!
When will you learn how to ride a bike?
Leave me here. Save yourself.
No! We can make it!
If I catch you, I'll kill you!
They're getting too close.
We can make it, trust me!
- Give it back!
- Why?
What if I don't?
Come on, come at me.
Do you want it back?
Come to the sled race tomorrow.
At the Devil's Leap.
If you don't die, it'll be yours.
But you don't have the guts, anyway.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Forget him. That half-blood.
Son of a troll.
These good antique toys are nice,
aren't they?
A bit too old-fashioned, though.
I bet even Elia is giving you a headache
with Buddy Buddy.
If I were given a penny
every time someone asks me for one,
I'd be rich by now.
You said the magic word, dear.
Hi, Ivana. How are you?
I managed to get
a whole container of them.
Even San Nicola al Monte
will become the center of the world.
Ciocca, please put this thing away.
But Ivana! Don't you want me?
No, I don't! I'd rather go bankrupt.
Every Christmas is the same old story.
Everyone goes crazy
for the toy of the moment
and the next day... Poof!
They forget all about it.
God forbid...
You're right, Ivana, but the public
makes the demand.
We're here to give the public
what they want, right?
Tell me...
How many would you like to order?
One hundred, 200? Come on.
I know you're having a hard time here.
And now that your husband has gone,
it must be hard.
And it will be even harder
when all the other shops sell my stuff.
I'm saying this for your good, Ivana.
You don't give a damn about me,
about Christmas, about toys,
and not even about kids!
Last year you sold
counterfeited washing machines
and Luigino went belly-up.
And what about Rosa, the baker?
She went bankrupt
when you started making that thing...
The lab-grown, gluten-free wheat.
You're a shark.
A bad shark.
You're breaking my heart, Ivana.
I'm just a down-to-earth businessman
who knows how the world works.
Mom, let's go. I'm hungry!
Yes, darling, let's go.
Ciocca, put everything away and go.
If you say no now, you're out.
Do you realize what you're missing out on?
Get out of my shop!
Hi, Elia. Do you want to play with me?
Look at the effect it has on kids.
Go away, you and all this junk!
Come on! Out!
This shop will go bankrupt!
Back at you!
This shop will go bankrupt.
I know what children like.
Kids like stuffed animals and wrestling.
The wrestling teddy bear.
They even rejected you.
Why did you turn Ciocca down?
Because I know what kids want.
Are you sure?
I'm a kid and I know what I want.
Yeah? And what is that?
A Buddy Buddy, for example.
And why do you want it?
Because it's super cool, brand new
and everybody wants it.
Put Dino away.
Do you think it's right that something is
only cool because everybody wants one?
Old things give me the blues.
I actually love them. They give me joy.
Have you heard from Dad?
Grab your watch,
let's play telling the time.
Remember, the short hand is hours
and the long one is minutes.
So, what time is it?
- Ten.
- Okay.
And 45. It's 10:45.
Perfect, good job.
But now we also know that it's late.
Go on, get under the sheets,
it'll be Christmas soon.
So, now close your eyes and dream big,
very big about all
your heart's desires. All right?
- Good night.
- Good night.
The Present Blaster!
The amount of time
this would have saved Santa...
"But Trip is incompetent!
"Trip only invents useless things.
"Trip... Trip is crazy.
"Trip's inventions are dangerous!"
This Christmas will be different, though.
Trip is taking care of it.
Ow! Ouch! It hurts!
Don't hit me on the head!
I don't have much time,
so I'll make it short.
I don't have much time,
so I'll make it sho...
Look, midget, I don't have much time,
so I'll make it short.
My name is Trip.
I'm from Santa's village
and I'm a crafter elf.
Is this one of Vittorio's pranks?
Untie me and we'll see who is stronger.
Are you craz...
Testing, one, two, three. Are you crazy?
- Hel...
- Shut up!
Why are you screaming? Stop that!
If you don't scream,
I'll give you a gift. Okay?
Got it? Promise? You won't scream?
Don't scream!
- Hel...
- Shut up!
You won't scream? Wait there.
Let's see, let's see...
Here it is. What's its name?
Yes, we make this, too, in the North Pole.
We use reindeer snot.
This is basic. This is the basic version,
yes, yes.
All right, then. I'll make a few changes.
Let me introduce you
to the toy-tidying slime.
Nice, isn't it?
It wasn't received very well in the Pole.
No, it wasn't. They're damn jealous.
Still, they think highly of me.
This slime can tidy up all your toys.
You can make all the mess you want,
and it'll take care of everything.
Like a mom, but without the scolding.
Let me show you.
It looks like something
from an old horror movie.
It can't be safe, right?
Of course it is.
Sure, just don't feed it a dog,
a cat or a kid, or it will explode.
So much for tidying them up!
That thing is eating all my toys!
- Oops.
- Don't "oops" me.
Make it stop!
Wait, it's not that easy.
It has a mind of its own.
It's a living thing, you know,
so it's a bit complicated,
but I've got an idea.
I'm handling it. I'm handling it.
There, got it.
I'll handle this, don't you worry!
I'm taming it! Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
I'll show you!
See? I've pretty much knocked it out.
Okay! Now I got you, okay!
Done. Hopefully it won't clog the pipes.
Done. Here we go.
- So, kiddo...
- Elia.
- Elia the kid.
- Get out of my house.
I wish I could,
but without your return-letter,
I'll be stuck here with you.
Got it?
You're a crafter elf, aren't you?
Think of something.
I came as a present
and an unwanted present can be sent back
only by writing a return-letter to Santa,
written by the kid who received
the present, okay?
But I asked for a badass sled.
Look, I know how
North Pole red tape works, all right?
I need to be back by Christmas,
or else...
- You'll be grounded?
- Ground me?
Listen to him, ground me. I'll die, croak,
kick the bucket.
- Aren't you overreacting?
- Does it look like it?
Who said if you're not back in the
North Pole by Christmas you'll croak?
The Christmas Spirit.
- Like in A Christmas Carol?
- No,
those are Christmas spirits.
The Christmas Spirit permeates everything.
But here on Earth it only appears
at this time of the year,
and then it vanishes on Christmas morning
between the exchange of gifts
and the family lunch,
where the colorful magic of anticipation
is replaced
by the bitter realization that that day
will be a Christmas day like any other.
- So, you'll die?
- What did I say?
Write that letter for me, please.
Aren't you gonna write?
A case of writer's block?
Listen to the dumb elf.
I must get back to the Pole,
I'm setting up a sort of revolution.
Will you shut up a minute?
I have to focus.
Let me know if I can help
speed up the paperwork.
I'm an elf and I don't have fingerprints,
so I can't go to jail.
- How about that?
- Enough of this!
- I'm fed up!
- Where you going? What you doing?
Is it too hot in here?
- You can write your own letter.
- How...
Tomorrow I'm racing Vittorio
and with that sled,
I'm lucky if I don't get myself killed!
I'll fix it. I'm a master at sled-making!
- Get out! Go!
- All right. Ouch!
Easy, easy. That thing hurts!
Easy, easy. Stop!
- Sweetheart?
- My mom is coming.
Okay, no problem. Just close the window,
draw the curtains and then...
And don't ever come back!
Sweetheart, is everything all right?
I just heard a noise.
It could be Santa's reindeers.
No, really. Just a bad dream.
- What were you dreaming about?
- Nothing.
Are you sure you're fine?
Yes, I'm fine.
Good night. See you tomorrow.
- Okay, good night.
- Good night.
But... how...
I'll fix you now.
The reindeer!
Do you think elves are real?
Look at me. What do you think?
Come on, you know what I mean.
Of course they're real.
Elves, gnomes, fairies,
all the fantasy creatures.
I saw one when I was a child.
What did it look like?
Did it have pointy ears?
Yes, and it sparkled.
- Sparkled?
- Yup.
His hands?
His hands, feet, ears, everywhere.
I always tell you, "Never stop dreaming."
Brush your teeth.
1,742 METERS -5C
Here he is.
Look, I thought about it all night long.
I don't want you killing yourself
on a sled for a FantasiCard.
I can't back out now.
Elia, just think about it for a second.
You can't even ride a bike, what are your
chances on a sled down Death Peak?
You're way too young to die.
You haven't even made out with anyone.
Do you want to go instead?
Me? You know I'm afraid of heights.
I'd die on that thing.
I still haven't made out
with anyone either.
No! Forget it, no way.
But I have made out, unlike you two.
What? Who with?
There they are.
The clowns of the valley.
Hi, dwarf. Ready to suffer?
Scared, are you?
I'll wait for you at the top.
Hi, Giada.
See you at the bottom.
Are you sure about that?
You're dead.
Let's go!
Get out of my way!
You're still in my way!
Now I'll show you.
Elia the kid? Trip here, can you hear me?
What? How is this possible?
Yesterday, when you told me
about the race, I made some adjustments.
If you'll excuse me, I'll take control of
the situation before you break your neck.
Let's make a deal.
I'll save your life and let you win,
but in return you'll write
my return-letter and bye-bye, okay?
Okay, all right. Do whatever you want.
I accept, I accept!
I love the smell of ski wax
in the morning.
No! No! No!
Come on, the snow is melting.
Now get me out of the way!
I'm going to die! I'm going to die!
I'm sorry!
If the sled didn't have a kid on top,
it would go much faster.
Let's take a shortcut.
I'll never overtake him!
Come on, we're almost there!
Is he really catching up?
And now the grand finale.
Help me!
I know I'm gonna die!
I haven't made out yet!
Remember when I said I made
"some adjustments"?
I actually meant great improvements.
What the...
Trip! Please stop this thing!
Take this, reindeer snot!
Damn you!
Here he is!
Yeah! Well done!
Yahoo! I won a fine return-letter.
You won, you won!
Come on up. You were great!
How did you ride so well?
Where did you get this sled?
At my mom's shop!
And she has loads more toys.
It doesn't end here! Got it?
Let's go!
You know what? You can keep your elf card!
Come here, guys.
I have to tell you a secret.
Make sure you don't screw me over.
Make sure you don't screw me over.
Testing, one, two, three, here I am.
Make sure you don't screw me over,
get it?
Trip, let's get this straight.
You want your return-letter
and I want to save my mom's shop.
And everyone wants your toys.
I promise you that, by the end of it
you'll get your letter by Christmas, okay?
Do they all really want my toys?
So, tooth fairies are real, too!
Yes, and they live in cavities.
Is she dumb or what?
Tooth fairies? Come on!
This guy doesn't look like
a Santa elf to me.
Listen, reindeer pie,
I'll give you a whacking you won't forget!
Look, boy. Be good or I'll hurt you.
- Elia? Sweetie?
- My mom is coming. Go!
I'll have a quick sandwich
and run to the shop.
Guess what?
Everyone is going crazy over my toys!
Hi, kids.
- Mom?
- Yes?
- I have something to tell you.
- What?
You know what I was telling you
this morning about elves?
Well... So... I've got an elf.
An elf? Are you okay, sweetheart?
Finally, someone well-dressed around here.
Nice one, what is it?
A locomotive.
But a bit too dull, isn't it?
We could make some upgrades to it.
We could give it wings to make it fly.
I like your thinking.
A real Santa's little helper!
Yes, they're real.
Great to meet you. I'm Ivana, Elia's mom.
Nice to meet you. I'm Trip.
So, what are we gonna do now?
Well, let's make some toys.
Come on, don't be sad, son.
A little failure could happen to anybody.
Listen to your father.
Happens to me all the time, too.
But I don't want to be like you.
Look, your father loves you,
and he's about to close a major deal.
Yeah, whatever. You say that every year.
One day, you'll be a grown-up, too,
and you'll learn
that winning isn't easy.
That's it... We're almost done.
But remember...
No matter how many times you fall,
what counts is how many you get back up.
At least show
some more respect for your father.
Hurry up with those crates!
Speed it up with these Buddy Buddies!
- I want to touch the ears!
- They're real.
Is it the toy you want?
Look what it does...
Look, did you see that? Are we getting it?
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
What would you like, beautiful girl?
A doll.
A doll...
Yes, we've got plenty,
and we can customize them, too.
Dad! The ship, the ship!
- Didn't you want a Buddy Buddy?
- No, it sucks.
I want a ship that shoots candies.
All right, then. Let's get
a candy-shooting ship to...
To shoot down the dentist.
All right. Shall we write down
a candy-shooting ship?
- Yes indeed.
- Okay.
It'll be ready by tomorrow afternoon.
All right?
- Perfect.
- Okay.
- Merry Christmas.
- Thank you. Merry Christmas.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- There's my mom.
- Here I am.
So your wrestler teddy bear
will be ready by tonight. Happy?
Can I place an order, too?
- Now, Marta? Look at the chaos there is.
- Please.
I'd like some crayons
that can bring a unicorn to life.
- I want them, too.
- So do I. Two boxes.
We can't make those, sorry.
You consider yourself a salesman?
Let me handle this.
What would you like?
Crayons that can bring a unicorn to life.
What if I made you a crayon case
with only one crayon
that can turn into any color you wish?
What do you say?
That sucks.
Okay. You go on with this one, then.
Come on, we're best friends!
What is he looking at?
- Sorry, I have to go.
- Go get it.
Be a good boy.
Hi, Giada. How can I help you?
I was looking for a toy for Attila.
You came to the right place.
Baby? Which one do you want?
Look. He likes elves.
After all, who doesn't like elves?
So cute. How old is he?
Time to go to the lab...
See you later.
This place is cool.
Never been here before.
And you haven't seen the lab yet.
It's pretty cool.
I can show you around if you want to.
How about a bike ride instead?
Right now?
It's just... I need to help my mom out.
You see, it's so busy,
we need to sell toys...
Right, got it, loser. See you around.
We'll do the math now, Buddy Buddy,
because it's a lot of money.
Forty-five items for Mario's newsstand,
that's 1,800 euros.
Thirty for Desolina's newsstand is...
What do you mean,
you're cancelling your order?
I couldn't stand Mario anyway.
That little mutt.
Let's cancel Mario's order...
Hello? Desolina!
What do you mean
you don't want them anymore? Why?
What's Ivana got to do with it?
Who is it?
Who's laughing?
Who's there?
Santa brings presents to all good kids.
But do you know what he brings
the naughty ones?
I don't know.
- Coal?
- No, not coal.
Naughty kids get...
Everyone will pay
for how they're treating you.
All you have to do is find out why
Ivana's toys are so special.
And then... this year you will be the
Santa Claus of San Nicola al Monte.
This year I'll be Santa Claus.
What is wrong with you?
You're so dumb.
She asked you out
and you missed the chance!
Lower your voice!
It wasn't a date, anyway.
These days I can't be distracted.
I need to concentrate on the shop.
Come on. You're making excuses.
You crapped your pants because you
had to tell her you can't ride a bike.
You don't get it.
My parents had a fight about the shop,
which is mainly a pain in the neck.
My mom doesn't know how to handle it.
But with the elf,
I can make things better
and bring my dad back.
As you wish.
But my dad always tells me
you can't win them all.
At least you talk with your dad.
See you tomorrow.
- There you go. What do you think?
- It's nice.
- Shall we make the horse fly?
- Why not?
Is it true that if the shop goes well,
your husband will come back?
Did Elia tell you that?
I think that's why he doesn't let me
go back to the Pole.
He's obsessed with running the shop,
everything being perfect.
Since his father and I broke up,
he's been acting like an adult.
I'm doing my best to distract him
to let him play, but...
He wants everything under control.
In the meantime,
he's wasting his childhood.
Maybe you could help him out.
Are you talking to me?
Maybe something isn't too clear.
If I don't get back to the Pole, I'm dead!
Gone! Pushing up daisies. All right?
Let's say that surviving is
my top priority at the moment.
Sure, sure, I'm sorry, you're right.
He still has a father, anyway.
Don't worry, though,
childhood is like riding a bike.
You never forget it.
It's a shame that Elia can't ride a bike.
His father never taught him.
Come on, this man is a mess.
He is, a little.
I'll finish wrapping,
tidy up and close the shop.
- Can you take care of Elia?
- Okay.
A planet has fallen off.
Yeah, that one's faulty.
I'll fix it later.
- I can't see him doing this.
- You're not gonna make it.
Any of the three of you.
Did you see what I've done?
These people can't even get to 100!
It's me. I disguised myself
so noone would notice me.
Look, Mommy! An elf!
What are you standing here for?
Nothing, I was heading back home.
Listen... Do you trust me?
What? Why?
- What? Are you crazy?
- Follow me!
Be quiet. Copy me.
Come with me. Quick! Follow me!
Go, Vittorio!
This time you'll get it!
Let's go, I'm bored. Come on.
You're not that strong, anyway.
Me? I scored 300, you guys only got 200.
- Shut up, you idiot!
- Whatever.
They stole my bike!
Who cares about yours.
What do you mean who cares?
Attila was in it.
Do what you want. I'll look for mine.
Just go. I don't need you anyway,
you hear me?
I know you can't ride a bike, you know.
Who told you? Mom?
- As soon as I get home, you'll see...
- Forget about it!
If you can't, it's because
nobody ever taught you.
But you're in luck now.
I'll be your teacher. Hop on.
- Hop on.
- No, but...
You have to, come on.
- But I can't...
- Hold the bike and hop on. Look.
- Like this. It's easy, isn't it?
- I'm scared.
Don't be. Hop on and do as I do.
- But I can't ride it.
- Ready?
- If I catch you, I'll kill you!
- Okay.
Now ride, come on!
What do you mean, ride? Oh, God.
See? I knew you were a natural.
Trip, this is awesome!
I can't believe I'm riding a bike.
- Told you.
- Feels like flying!
You said it!
What's going on?
Trip! I'm flying!
I'm flying!
Don't look down, keep calm.
In the North Pole,
we do this every Sunday!
We call it Gttandlar.
Come on, let's go!
Where? Trip, wait up!
You're doing great! Follow me!
Come on!
You'll thank me in a little while.
Nice, isn't it?
It's fantastic!!
I can't believe it, I'm flying!
Believe it!
It's great! Thanks, Trip!
It's amazing!
Who's there? A dog?
Calm down!
Calm down! Calm down!
Trip! Help!
I knew it. I'm gonna die! Help!
- No, I'm saying help!
- Help!
I missed you so much.
Hi, sweetie. What happened?
Oh, my, what a crash!
Oh, my, what a crash.
Hi Attila. We found your Giada.
It's the other way around.
Thieves! You're just thieves!
You stole my bike and my dog!
Damn it!
You're being unfair to the kid here!
After the mighty youngster Elia saw
your dog spring out of the basket
and run on the thoroughfare,
he borrowed your bike
ready to face the danger
to save this canine's life.
I myself witnessed
this heroic deed.
One, two, three, I'm all right now.
Is this true?
I'll die before Christmas if I'm lying.
Giada. That's a watch for dyslexic people.
No, you're wrong.
But thank you.
I had no idea you were so reckless.
Danger is my middle name.
See you around.
Let's go, sweetie. Come on.
That was a nice ice breaker, wasn't it?
I earned my letter now, didn't I?
Let's go.
Oh, my God!
Ivana, damn lunatic!
Thank you...
What now?
"Dear Santa Calus?"
Who is Santa "Calus"?
It's Santa Claus! Spell it.
Santa Claus, Santa Claus.
It's important. It's the return-letter.
All right, all right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's say it's okay.
Do you think writing a letter
is easy for me?
It's so hard.
You have no idea. How do we send it now?
How? Like a normal letter. You seal it...
And then you put this stamp on.
An elven stamp.
You put it on and...
It'll get to the North Pole in an instant.
Can I do it, if you don't mind?
- Sure.
- Elia?
Elia, is that you?
Mom! I learned how to ride a bike!
I can ride a bike!
- Did you go very fast?
- I was flying!
- Trip taught me.
- You flew?
"Flew" is a big word.
A meter, meter and a half, tops.
My sweet baby!
Good for you!
Mom, don't call me that. I'm 10.
Right. You're the man of the house.
Trip, do you really have to go?
Can't you ask to stay a little bit longer?
Unfortunately, I can't stay.
But that's why
I want to give you
your Christmas present early.
- Really?
- Yes.
Look. It's all yours.
A pair of binoculars.
Actually, these are Binocul-hearts.
My latest invention.
You can see anyone you love
through them. Even if they're far away.
- I can see Dad!
- Sure.
Oh, my God. No.
That's him! Here he is!
- There are privacy issues.
- Dad!
What do you think?
What nonsense! Binocul-hearts!
I'm a magical elf, but this is too much...
You're all a bunch of liars!
- My sweet baby...
- You!
You're a lunatic liar!
He's not coming back for Christmas,
you lied about everything!
- I swear he told me...
- It's not true!
How about a bike ride?
You have your letter now,
get out of my house,
I never want to see you again! Go!
Out! Get out! Go away!
Good Lord!
How did I end up like this?
And you?
What the hell are you staring at?
It's all your fault!
And your fault only.
"Buy Buddy Buddies, Ciocca!
They're a great deal!
"Every kid wants one.
"And they're so hard to find,
almost impossible!
"You'll make a fortune.
"You'll pay back all your debts."
Instead, now that
nobody wants you anymore,
you'll be the ruin of me!
Damn, stupid,
useless stinky monsters!
No, Ciocca. No.
Who was that?
Did you speak?
Tell me, my Buddy Buddy friend.
Tell me.
You're so close, Ciocca, so close.
Don't screw it up now!
But I don't know what to do anymore.
People reject them.
People don't want them.
What should I do?
Darn it, you blockhead!
You have to play with them to find out
why Ivana's toys are so special.
Right. Thanks, my Buddy Buddy friend.
Thank you for the advice.
The goose is cooked.
My car, no.
My car! Not my car.
Not the car!
No! Not the car!
How is all this possible?
I'm sorry for what happened.
It's just that sometimes I do things
without thinking.
If on one hand that makes me
a great crafter elf, on the other hand...
it gets me in trouble with friends.
Now, I can't really say we're friends,
but we spent some time together
over the last few days, didn't we?
Elia, could you at least ans...
Vittorio, what are you doing here
at this hour?
Dad, maybe we're going too far?
Oh, yes.
You have no idea how far.
Good morning,
crafter elf!
I get it.
I get it.
Is it the ears? It's a genetic deformation
I was born with.
If I dressed normally, everyone would say,
"Look at those ears!" But...
All right, I'm an elf, yes.
But please let me go.
If I'm not back at the Pole by Christmas,
I'm doomed. My time is running out.
- You're running out of time?
- Yes.
Then you know exactly how I feel.
I don't have much time either.
Untie me, please.
Yeah, you wish.
You want me to untie you?
Sure, why not? Right away, my dear.
- Sure, there you go.
- Thank you.
What are you talking about? What?
"Untie me."
You really want to go back home?
- Yes.
- Really?
I can send you back there,
but first you have to do something for me.
You have to give my toys
that certain something
- that all kids want.
- Yes. Okay.
You have to bring them...
to life. All of them.
All the Buddy Buddies. Alive!
- Alive!
- Yes!
- Alive! All the Buddy Buddies.
- Gotcha. Okay.
They have to walk.
They have to talk.
They have to move.
- They have to jump.
- Got it. Okay.
They have to say, "Hi, kid. How are you?"
"Hi, kid. I'm your Buddy Buddy."
"Hi, I'm your best friend."
"Hi, kid. Do you want to play with me?"
- Got it?
- Yes.
They have to do everything.
Otherwise, I'll send you home...
but on the 26th!
How does an elf die?
Do you melt like snow?
Burst like a star? How?
Like anyone else.
Really? I'd like to see that.
Nothing special, just a regular death,
- a death...
- What do you mean?
We just keel over.
- How do you mean?
- Like this.
Simply dead.
Can I come in?
Why did he leave us?
He didn't leave us.
We broke up.
Things between us
hadn't been working for a while.
But he will always love you.
And he will come see you
every chance he gets.
You're always on his mind.
I thought he should tell you,
but apparently, I was wrong.
It hasn't been easy for me either.
Vittorio and the twins are sticking them
on every wall in town.
But this is that thing
that Ciocca wanted me to sell.
But it's different.
This is uglier.
It says it does things no other toy can.
That it looks alive.
As if by...
- Magic.
- Magic.
Do you think Trip is behind this?
Who else?
Why didn't he leave?
Maybe something has kept him here.
Something or someone.
They must be here.
- What are you looking for?
- Here they are.
Found them.
What are they? Binoculars?
Oh, no!
Buddy Buddy!
Give me a break. Let me catch my breath.
Buddy Buddy!
Oh, no! Trip is a prisoner,
he's being tortured.
Can you figure out where he is?
We need real weapons to set him free.
You don't need weapons.
You need imagination.
You don't get it. We do need weapons.
They have an army of monsters.
We'll use his own creations
to set him free.
You try to figure out
where they're hiding him.
Meet me later at the shop, okay?
Here's another one.
If we follow the flyers,
they could lead us
to the Buddy Buddy factory, right?
Sure, like we're in
Tom Thumb's fairy tale.
There's another one there.
Isn't that Trip's hat?
If he's not home by midnight...
There are no more flyers.
The trail ends here.
I shouldn't have kicked him out.
Do you need help?
Please, Giada, don't you start.
Too bad. I thought
you were looking for your friend.
- Do you know where he is?
- No.
But I overheard Vittorio and the twins
talking about it.
Aren't they your friends?
They're not my friends, all right?
What if we let your dog smell Trip's hat?
He could pick up his tracks, right?
Attila? Are you crazy?
Please, Giada,
it's a matter of life and death.
is one of Santa's little helpers.
Sure. And I'm a reindeer.
I swear, Giada!
We only have eight hours to save him.
He's not human.
He's different.
If we don't help him out...
he'll die.
Trust me.
To you, who can draw anything you imagine,
I give the power
of bringing it to life!
- Wonderful, thank you!
- You're welcome!
The hornet, with its wing structure
and its weight,
shouldn't be able to fly.
But it doesn't care and flies anyway.
And to you, my dear Fabio,
I give the power of flying.
But I'm afraid of heights.
Who cares? Beggars can't be choosers.
to you, instead,
I give the power
to stand up for yourself.
Thank you. I can throw punches
without the gloves as well, you know?
- Can I have them instead?
- No!
You've got the hat. Stop complaining!
But I told you I'm afraid of heights.
And to you, my son,
I give... I give...
a backpack.
A backpack?
I thought I would have an advantage
as I'm your son.
Come on. Let's go free Trip.
It's not that easy.
We'll take care of the boys.
But to free Trip,
we need something more.
Such as?
I've got an idea.
Stay still, stay still!
Trip has to be somewhere around here.
Yes, but how do we get in?
It's locked.
I'll see if there's an entrance
on the other side.
Please be careful and quiet, okay?
Don't worry, I'll be as quiet as a ninja.
What now?
You gross creature!
Get lost!
It's all right, really.
Stop, it's all right.
Let's go, guys.
So? Are we going?
What if we all die?
I made out.
Hey there...
Are you still there?
Let's hope so.
Look what I've got for you.
A little toy.
You like it, don't you?
Hurry up with these crates.
I'll deliver presents
to all the good kids in the country
who pay good money for them.
My loyal assistants,
we have to be finished by midnight.
I'll be Santa Claus this year,
even if I'm slimmer.
Ouch, it hurts!
Fabio, are you okay?
Hey, what the hell are you doing here?
I made out! I made out! I made out!
Damn, that hurt.
Let Trip go,
or you'll have to deal with us!
Here they are. Two girls and two midgets.
I'm shaking.
Hey! The elf is mine.
The warehouse is mine.
And everything will be mine!
Get out of here now
or I'll have you kicked out.
Let him go, or he'll die.
How can he die
if he doesn't even exist, boy?
- Kick them out.
- We'll take care of them.
Well done, son.
Now we'll see who the real losers are.
I'll take care of her.
Oh, God. Where did he go?
Now you'll have all the time in the world
to think about it.
No! Stop! Don't close it, stop!
Where are you going? Come here!
You want to run away, midget?
- Let me go.
- Get out of my way!
What's this junk?
- Did you grab it from the dumpster?
- Give it back!
What does it say here?
"Don't... dear... theorwsei...
i'llt teg semsy?"
Dear? Theorwsei?
What does it mean?
Are you really getting beaten
by a backpack?
Another one of that damn elf's tricks!
Don't get close or you'll get hurt.
I'll get hurt? I'll hurt you.
Left! Right!
We'll fight magic with magic.
Come to me, my children!
"Warning. Don't read,
or it will get messy."
Trip! Trip, are you okay?
I found the letter. I can save you.
But tell me how to send it.
The stamp...
- Trip?
- What happened?
Is he dead?
The Buddy Buddies stole my letter.
Oh, my!
Watch out!
I'll distract him.
Go, great, Fabio. Go.
Fabio, come on! Come on!
Come on!
Pick on the little ones.
Flying Fists!
Back off!
Let's protect Trip.
Be careful!
Take cover!
Cover from what?
From the blob.
The blob?
Just don't feed it a dog, a cat or
a kid, or it will...
It exploded...
The letter.
Are you okay?
It's Christmas.
Are you all right?
Yes, son. And you?
- Let's say so, yeah.
- Are you okay?
My friend...
I'm sorry.
I should have invented
a nuclear syrup ship
with two soda pipes
and a catapult to the North Pole.
But it's too late now.
What a mess.
We found him.
Who wrote "Santa Calus"?
Well done, boy.
Was that me?
I haven't seen this in centuries.
Elia the kid.
It's the best Christmas of my life!
Hi, Brina.
- Thank you.
- Don't mention it, Trip.
I promise I'll be good.
Make all the magic disappear.
We can't leave any trace.
Excuse me, Mrs. Elf.
Can I ask you something?
Will all of Trip's toys disappear?
Don't you worry.
Your toys already have
everything that kids want.
Fancy pants.
It's time to go home.
Your Giftiness, thank you again.
Trip, this is yours.
No. Elia, don't do this.
You're a grown-up now,
let's not start crying over...
Also, this is not a farewell.
Christmas comes every year, right?
You'll visit us again, Trip, right?
No, I'm not allowed to.
See you soon, Elia the kid.
Let's go.
You'll stitch footballs
for the next three centuries.
Merry Christmas to everyone!
- Dad!
- Elia!
Here you are! Where were you?
I looked everywhere for you.
What is this slime? You're all dirty.
What happened?
Well, it's a long story.
Dad, we must never stop dreaming.
Here it is. Happy holidays!
Excuse me!
I completely forgot.
I have to pick up the toy I ordered.
- I hope I'm not too late.
- Of course not, don't worry.
You're not the only one today.
Here it is. This one should be yours.
- Happy holidays.
- Thank you.
Ah, the Christmas spirit!
- Excuse me.
- Yes, how can I help you?
We're waiting outside.
- Come on! Will you hurry up?
- Coming!
My, oh, my, always late.
- Elia, hurry up!
- Where are we going?
Come on, Elia, you're worse than Fabio.
What d'you want from me?
Those footballs are not
going to stitch themselves.
Right, Brina.
Someone has broken the football
stitching machine in trying to improve it.
Please refrain from such practices and
stick to the timetable for your shifts.
Keep up the good work.
Look, for the Buddy Buddies...
Shall I look there?
- Here, yes.
- Or there? Or there?
- The ladder.
- The ladder.
C, D, E, F, G, A, B, D, C
Is it true that if the shop goes well,
your husband will come back?
Did Elia tell you that?
Is it true that if the shop goes well,
your husband will come back?
No, sorry.
You're a nice family. I love you,
but if I don't get back to the Pole,
I'll die, croak. Crook.
Don't worry, childhood is like riding
a bike. You never forget it.
Too bad that Elia can't ride a bike...
Look how good I am. I didn't break it.
Well done, good job.
Anyway, don't worry,
childhood is like... Yeah, right.
Childhood. Sorry.
What the... do I do now?
It's not the top that spins,
it's the house.
Whose house?
What did I say? House?
What was I supposed to say?
- The room.
- The room, right.
Look at you, you weird creature.
You're gross.
You're gross, you know that?
Are all elves like you?
I'm one of the best.
Imagine the others.
Here's another one.
Well, okay.
Well, it was falling.
Here's another one.
The Buddy Buddies, alive!
Sure, sure.
Buddy Buddies!
Buddy Buddies!
I can't take it!
The weather station predicts
a giant and colossal...
What the... am I saying? All right.
Attention! To all authorized
personnel... Yeah, right, personnel.
Off, will you?
Will Trip manage to get kicked out of...
All right.
To get... I'll do it again.
A colossal... A colossal storm...
Sorry, guys.
The direct... Nothing. Sorry.
Give me a kiss.
Since we broke up,
he's been acting like an adult.
I'm doing my best to distract him,
to let him play, but
he wants everything under control.
The pencil fell off.
Let's say that surviving is
my top priority at the moment.
Sure, sure. Sorry.
Why did you marry him?
For... sake!
Let me ask again.
Look, I don't have much time, so...
Sorry, start over.
It can tidy up all the toys in your...
If on one hand, that makes me
a great crafter elf, on the other hand...
it gets me in trouble with friends.
Now, I can't really say we're frien...
Yes, and...
Yes. Put that little boy
who arrives away...
I'll be the commentator.
"Here it is, we see the blob
entering the..."
Let's take a shortcut. Yes, it...
Let's take a shortcut.
I mean, if the sled didn't "been"...
Sorry, didn't have, not "been."
Didn't "been," what's that?
Go on, come on.
Elia, look, I...
I give you the power...
- of this bloody...
- Let's try again.
I don't have much time, so...
I forgot.
Yes, but my toys give the "chuldren"...
"Chuldren"? What am I saying?
Let's start over.
Hands in front.
What is this green thing
getting closer to me?
- It's the blob.
- The blob?
And it will be harder when
all the other shops
are selling my stuff.
- I'm saying...
- Let's pick up from this line.
What the... did you say?
Move behind and the pillows in front.
- Diarrhea?
- Done!
Hold on, hold on!
- Trip!
- Trip!
But is that... No, wait, there's a line.
- Lillo?
- This... Oops. I got it wrong.
- Trip!
- Trip!
No wait. Hello.
No. I don't understand.
There it is. Same as the other one.
Let's do it again, hold on,
without the slime.
It's gone.
- A hairpin. What else can I have?
- Okay, go.
How do you make hair locks?
With hairpins, my toys are beautiful.
Ready to face the danger, he basically...
Okay, I don't know this one.
Good one!
Cover from what?
You gave me a heart attack!
- My gosh!
- He came back to life!
Let's get back in place.
I've got talcum powder...
I've got talcum powder up my nose.
Okay, let's stop.
Ready for the next one.
Guys, my... are smashed.
I have to take five. Sorry. I mean...