Eli Manning Presents: The Undercovers (2025) Movie Script

1
Here we go, baby. Here we go.
Hello, viewers.
The Undercovers
is back.
And this first one is a doozy.
I'm probably one of
the most recognized people in Dallas.
No one knew it at the time,
but when I asked Micah Parsons
to go in disguise as a waiter,
serving superfans
at a pre-season event in Dallas...
Tonight will be legendary.
[Eli]...
it would be his swan song,
a last hurrah,
one last dance
before swapping hats
from a Stetson to a Stilton.
Can I get a mozzarella bite?
[woman]
You can get whatever you want.
So, don't trade that channel
because you're about to see Micah Parsons
serving drinks, shaking hands
and giving back to the Dallas Cowboys
superfans he loves so dearly.
Do I get to keep my tips?
[chuckles]
[Eli]
Just weeks before fate stepped in
and changed his future forever.
This is The Undercovers.
A cookie has to be stolen.
[Eli] Check, Please!
With Lester Vandross.
[grandiose music]
Hi, I'm Eli Manning.
Being traded by the team that drafted you
can be a whirlwind of emotions.
I know this from personal experience.
The 45 minutes I spent
on the San Diego Chargers
were the most formative
45 minutes of my life.
So, when the news broke that Micah Parsons
had been traded to the Green Bay Packers,
I knew he must be going through a lot.
Especially considering
that Micah Parsons loves fans.
You see, just weeks before Micah
got into tense negotiations
with Jerry Seinfeld...
[director]
- Oh, it's Jerry Jones?
- [director] Yeah.
Huh. Well, I guess that makes sense.
Just weeks before
I asked him to go into disguise.
And Micah said he wanted to do it
with the fans.
Nobody, including Micah,
knew it at the time,
but this would be his final act
as a Cowboy.
[marching band music]
I'm Micah Parsons.
I play for the Dallas Cowboys;
linebacker, rusher, podcaster.
[chuckles]
I'm probably one of
the most recognizable people in Dallas.
My current favorite Dallas Cowboys player
is Micah Parsons.
- I like Micah Parsons.
- Micah Parsons.
Micah Parsons is the beast.
He's a dog. I mean,
he's the best in the business.
Goosebumps come to my body
when I talk about him.
Today we're here at The Star in Frisco.
We're hosting an event where
I'll be undercover as a waiter at Sidecar.
My character is Lester Vandross,
a guy from the South.
He's a old head with a belly.
Look like he had
too many Southern meals.
Micah's decided he wants his character
to have an "unc" vibe.
Man, unc status is basically
like the old head
who thinks he's still got it,
but don't still got it.
[woman] So, we've got some unc vibes.
Some accessories, shoes, wardrobe.
I even got you some Acqua di Gio scents,
and stuff like that.
-[Micah] Okay.
-[Eli]"
When someone is called an 'unc, '
it means they're not totally old,
but they're, like, definitely not young.
Like, they do stuff that kinda makes them
seem old, but IDK. Does that help?
Can you stop texting me, Dad?
It's embarrassing. I'm with my friends."
[funky music]
[Micah] So, ever since I saw
these glasses right here,
- I was like, this is my dad, right here.
- Oh, my god.
[Micah]
I look at my dad as like an unc.
I think I'm gonna be like my dad
for today.
He loves the little chains.
So, something like this.
Bro, he throws anything on.
- Like anything.
- Does he layer 'em?
- Yeah, he layers 'em. Yo...
- All layered up? We can layer 'em up.
He'll get the blue shell tops,
all blue jumpsuit, like...
We're goin' for this look right here.
Hey, TPTV.
[funky music]
We had like a little court
in the backyard.
He'd be like Reggie Miller.
He just always like,
"Man, you know what Reggie gonna do.
You know what Reggie gonna do."
Gotta get your Jesus piece.
Serve your Lord.
[Eli]
Next up, it's time
for our Hollywood makeup magicians
to work their magic.
Don't give me an ugly look.
Give me like a sexy old man look.
- Like he was the man, back in the day.
- All right.
[funky music]
Hopefully, he goes unrecognized,
but it's pretty hard for a 6'4 ", 6'3",
250-pound man to go unrecognized.
I think if he changes his voice up
a little, it'd be pretty hard.
I think someone might try to put together.
It's a competition to him, at the end
of the day. He loves competition.
I'm probably the most competitive person
probably on the planet.
Me and my girl definitely just probably
almost broke up 'cause taboo.
I'm a guy.
And also, I'm very big on service.
Going out to eat is an experience.
You know what I mean?
If I'm gonna go out to eat,
like, is my cup being refilled?
Is my meal okay?
Is there anything you want to take back?
I'm gonna show people how to serve people,
for sure.
[Eli]
For the big reveal, Micah gets
some feedback from his style inspiration.
His dad.
[phone ringing]
[Terrance Parsons laughs on phone]
Yo, what type of outfit is that, cuz?
[chuckles] I said,
I want to recreate Terrance Parsons.
[Terrance]
Yo, that's crazy.
Hey, do I look like TPTV?
[Terrance]
Yeah, I thought about
gettin' the waves on top again, man.
Mm-mm. I saw you tryin' to grow it out.
Let that one go.
[Terrance laughs]
All right, TPTV,
I'mma hit you later.
[big band music]
[director]
Do you do any voices?
Well, it just depends.
I got a good Rasputia accent.
[in accent]
How you doing?
[director]
And that's Lester?
No, you said accent,
so that's anybody.
I said, I got Rasputia. I don't know.
I can try to create one,
like in the moment.
I gotta visualize how he looks.
You know what I mean?
[director]
What's Lester sound like?
Howdy. They call me Five-Star Lester.
I'm at your service.
Are you related to Luther Vandross?
They used to tell me that
back in the day.
[man]
Hey, Lester, any specials today?
Oh, yeah. Ooh, boy.
The cheeseburger, extra cheese.
I can't eat cheese.
I'm lactose intolerant.
Don't you worry 'bout it.
Lester's at your service.
No need for Yelp.
Lester's here to help.
And with that, the world is ready
to meet Lester Vandross.
[funky music]
The youngins call him "Unc."
And to Lester, that's a badge of honor.
And while his style may be dated
and his bedtime a little earlier,
he still knows how to have a good time.
And if you're lookin' for his prime,
he's standing right on top of it.
And if you're lookin' for anything else,
Lester is at your service.
[phone rings]
[laughs]
You're looking good!
Hey, I appreciate ya.
What's your name?
Lester Vandross.
Lester Vandross.
The key to this,
if you believe you're Lester,
then they will all believe
that you're Lester.
Do you believe it?
I'm still gotta...
I gotta work on that a little bit.
Oh, yeah. You gotta practice the voice,
get it dialed in, and then don't leave it.
It's hard to go back and forth.
You just gotta say,
from now on, this is my voice,
and I'm talkin' like that
the rest of the day.
You gotta become Lester.
You cannot leave being Lester.
Done deal.
That's the key.
And just make up lies upon lies.
The more you can just make up,
the better.
That's the easy part.
[Eli]
That's the easy part.
Lester, I wish you well on your journey.
Serve the people great food tonight.
Yes, sirsky.
You know you gotta serve from the right.
You know you gotta put the plates down
from the right. You know that?
Good key.
[funky music]
[director]
There's a couple of managers
at the restaurant
that know what's going on.
Mm-hmm.
[director] They think
that you'll be found out immediately.
Nah, impossible.
I'll probably be stealin' their job.
[director] So do you think
you're going to be a good waiter?
Yeah, 100% I'll be a great waiter.
I don't even think
it's gonna be hard for me, man.
- Do I get to keep my tips? [chuckles]
- [director laughs]
There's a faster way. Cut through here.
[director]
Service is everything.
[Micah]
As we know it.
[Eli]
As the fans begin to arrive,
Lester shuffles in
for his first day of work.
All he's gotta do is ask
for CJ the manager,
and get his name right.
What's your name?
Lester.
Lester?
[Eli]
Okay, good save.
Strong start.
-
[man] Welcome.
- Lester.
- CJ. It's nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
[Eli]
Whether it's the Super Bowl
or a private event at a sports bar,
success always begins
with a rousing speech.
Hey, everybody. This is our new employee.
His name is Lester.
Just a few things to go over.
Uh, food and beverage.
We've got
the Skillet Queso Southern Fried Tenders,
Burger Sliders, Pep Flatbread.
Okay, for dessert, fresh-baked cookies.
We all know how the cookies taste here.
So, it's the bomb.
I'd say around 7:15, 7:30,
everyone is gonna walk their way
towards the patio where we've got
a pretty cool obstacle course set.
[Micah]
Can employees do that?
- [CJ] Yeah.
- Awesome.
Lester's gonna be shadowing
with Blake.
- All right, let's rock it.
- Yes, sir.
- You got my back, I got your back.
- Absolutely.
- [CJ] Okay. All right.
- Tonight will be legendary.
"Be great" on three. One, two, three.
[all] Be great!
[Eli]
Just like NFL training camp,
the Sidecar waitstaff
takes time before the big event
to get Lester up to speed.
We'll be using these tabs tonight, so.
When we go in here,
we'll just start taking orders
and putting people by what they want.
And then, we'll just keep on adding people
as we go
throughout the night, and everything.
But I'll show you everything
about that too.
[Eli]
While Lester has a job to do,
he still wants to have a good time.
And those games are calling his name.
That's that Reggie Miller.
You don't know about Reggie Miller.
Y'all are young.
Yeah, like this.
[Eli]
Are the waiters
supposed to be playing games?
Probably not.
But you can't say no to your elders.
I ain't do cardio in a long time.
I was catching the side eye.
- We got a job to do.
- Right?
[Micah]
I'm trying to give A-One service tonight.
First day on the job.
Connect Four was my game
back in the day.
I'm trying not to lose here.
[director 2] Do the Cowboys players
ever come through the venue?
Um, they have before.
I used to work on Monday,
and Monday nights we had a podcast.
I think Micah Parsons
has probably been in here before.
Yeah.
Okay. Wait, you won?
Yeah.
[Eli]
While the staff gets ready,
Cowboys fans start pouring in.
And if you aren't sure
if someone is a Cowboys fan,
they'll clear that up for you
real quick.
-Here we go!
-[Eli]
And loudly.
Here we go! Cowboys Nation
in the house, baby. Let's go!
I'm a die-hard Cowboys fan.
Die-hard.
I grew up as a Cowboys fan.
Knew nothing but Cowboys.
Whether the Cowboys are good or bad
doesn't matter.
My dad took me to my first Cowboys game
when I was two.
I've been a die-hard fan ever since.
- About 45 years.
- Fifty-two years.
[all cheering]
I've been a Cowboys fan for one year,
and I love it.
Other people don't understand it,
and it almost makes you more proud.
Go, Cowboys! Woo!
You may not win the Super Bowl,
like the last two decades,
but we're going to.
Let's go, baby!
I have my whole body
dedicated to the Dallas Cowboys.
We're true blue, baby.
True blue.
No matter what.
Win, lose or draw,
we are there for our boys, always. Always.
Now, we can criticize too though.
Jerry, that means you.
But hey, we love 'em no matter what.
Cut this arm off, it's silver-blue blood
runnin' out of it, right there.
[all cheering]
Let's go, Cowboys!
[all cheering]
[Eli]
All right, it's the moment of truth.
Lester is ready for his first customers.
My name's Lester.
It's a pleasure to meet you all.
If there's anything you need,
I'm your guy.
Anything I can get you fellas?
- No, no, we're good.
- Okay, awesome.
[upbeat music]
Excuse me, ma'am, here's your drink.
- [woman] Yes, thank you!
- [Micah] Of course.
[woman 2]
Thank you.
[Micah] You let me know
if you need anything else.
[Eli]
And some of them
are not afraid to speak their mind.
Vegas has just picked us
to win seven and a half games.
I'm gonna get some of that money.
We got seven... last year...
without Dak, half the team missing...
you think we can't win seven games again?
Now that we got the team back?
Hey, you've gotta have
a little bit of humility.
[man] I don't know
if you've been following
the Cowboys that long or not, but...
I'm not gonna say anything negative,
disparaging
about Jerry or... his management...
for the last 30 years.
What's so bad about the management?
Well, you know...
[Eli]
And don't forget,
this is all happening
before the off-season contract drama.
- Bring him back, Jerry. Bring him back.
- Bring Jimmy Johnson back.
- Havin' a great meal?
- We're doin' really good.
- [woman 2] What's your name?
- [Micah]
Luke Lester.
- Lester.
- Lester.
How you feelin'?
Great event.
[Eli]
The event is going great.
And while Lester's committed to service,
his tummy's starting to rumble.
[Micah]
These cookies look serious.
Cookie's gotta get stolen.
A cookie has to be stolen.
I don't know who stole the cookie.
- It's for a table.
- Oh.
[Micah]
She wants some sweets.
They call me the Cookie Bandit.
Oh, my god, this cookie's amazing!
[funky music]
We're here writing messages
to our favorite Cowboys players.
Kind of give 'em words of inspiration.
We want to give 'em some kind of feedback
of what we would expect
from them this year.
Not that, you know, we expect a lot,
but we expect a Super Bowl.
Micah Parsons. Keep goin'.
Keep the pressure, be a beast,
be aggressive. Step on their throat.
Mine is to Dak Prescott.
And it says, "Here we go!
Cheering you on from California!"
I told Lamb Lamb I love him.
[laughs]
[Eli]
As the event wears on,
Lester begins to get a little loose
with his service.
Do we have chips?
[Eli]
Surely he'll refocus
and get back to work.
Is the food good?
I just had a fried pickle
and it was wonderful.
All right.
[woman] Go ahead.
No, no, no, no, no. Enjoy your meal.
I will be back...
[woman]
We have plenty.
- Okay.
- [woman] Get you a chip.
Can I get a mozzarella bite?
[woman] You can get whatever you want.
Go ahead.
- Thank you.
- [woman] We have so much here.
We can share.
[upbeat music]
[Eli]
As Lester refuels
and locks back into his job,
the fans lock in to having a good time.
[all cheering]
Excuse me. Is this off that, uh, cocoa?
Yes.
- That's awesome.
- Thank you.
[woman 3]
How's your day going?
[Micah] It's going really good.
The people are so nice.
We got our predictions,
predictions for the season.
I predict Micah's gonna go off,
kill everybody on defense this year.
And he's gonna win that record this year.
He's gonna break that record.
[man]
Micah's gonna kill it.
Mine, Cowboys take the East.
I don't care what everybody else says,
Dak's the way to go.
You mean you was a shutdown cornerback
in the day?
Shutdown cornerback, yeah.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah.
What happened?
Was it as bad as me?
My career died in high school.
Bro. What happened,
you tore a ligament or something?
Back then, they didn't have
all the technology.
Yeah, yeah.
Happens to the best of us, brother.
Right. I know it.
[funky music]
[woman]
Hi. Is this your cookie?
[Micah]
I don't think so.
[woman] It's just at my table.
I thought it was mine.
I'm glad I didn't eat... take a bite.
[Micah]
Take a bite. It's delicious.
[woman]
Do you work here?
[Micah] Yeah, I do.
It's my first day on the job.
That's why your cookie's over here.
Just all on to people's table,
and shit.
[Micah] You're gonna get me in trouble
with my job.
You should be in trouble
with this damn cookie over here.
But I'll let you put this cookie
on my table.
[laughs]
[waitress]
Lester! Lester!
Oh, god, they're so funny.
Everybody that plays against him,
they're intimidated, they're scared.
They wake up at night time
and they fear that name, Micah Parsons.
You know the Devil, the Boogeyman,
he fears Micah Parsons
'cause he's that bad.
I mean, he's the best in the business.
And I hope he leads the defense
so that we get a championship.
He never gives up. He never quits.
And he's just tough.
The intensity that he brings to the game.
The way he loves the game.
He's just the greatest guy also,
uh, on the field and off the field.
[Eli]
Lester knows he has a job to do.
But all these games
and all these happy fans,
who could really turn down
a little Skee-Ball and Pop-A-Shot?
- [Micah] Can I get a roll?
- [woman] You want to go?
Come on. Come on. Let's go.
[woman]
He ain't got shit!
Why ain't I got shit?
- Not you. I'm talkin' about this guy.
- Oh.
[indistinct chatter]
Too much pressure. Twenty-eight!
Beat your high score.
I got 28.
- Oh, so we tied.
- Yeah!
Where are y'all from? Forth Worth?
[Micah]
Memphis, Tennessee.
- I work here.
- [woman] Oh, you work here.
You work here with all them diamonds?
[Micah]
Claire's.
[woman laughs] Claire's!
[Micah] Oh, you young cats
think y'all got a little jump shot?
[man]
We got jump shots right here.
[Micah] Oh, nah.
[man] I bet you I make three in a row.
[Micah]
I bet you don't.
Look... your shoe's untied.
[man] Hold on.
I think I know who you are.
- I'm Lester.
- [man] Nah, I think I know who you are.
- I'm Lester.
- [man] No, no, no.
I gotta get back to work.
[funky music]
[man 3]
I recognize you.
My name's Lester.
It's a pleasure to meet y'all.
You look so much like Micah Parsons.
[Eli]
You know, I told Lester
to work on his voice.
Oh, well.
[woman] Hey, Lester,
can you take these old plates away?
[women laughing]
Thank you, Lester.
[Eli]
But maybe serving fun
is just as important as serving drinks.
Speaking of fun, Shaunda
corrals everyone to the back patio
where, just like at every party,
an obstacle course has been set up.
A chance for Cowboys fans to let loose
and cheer each other on.
[both]
We dem boyz, we makin' noise
Whoo! Touchdown Cowboys, baby!
[all cheering]
[Eli]
But no one takes fun
more seriously than Cowboys fans.
In fact, Cowboys fans
make fandom their job.
Something that Lester Vandross
is starting to appreciate
and won't soon forget.
[funky music]
[funky music]
[music continues]
Whoo, baby! Yeah!
[Eli]
And while spirits are high,
Lester realizes the best way he can
serve his fans is by becoming one of them.
We've got one more contestant.
Come on up. Yeah, you.
Come on.
[Eli]
And the fans
who haven't already figured it out
start to piece together that Lester
might not be Lester.
[all chanting]
Lester! Lester! Lester!
[Eli]
And while Lester's boss
might not understand it,
he knows the real meaning of service
is keeping a good thing going
and making sure everyone
has something to cheer about.
[funky music]
[music continues]
[Eli]
And Lester
definitely knows how to do that.
[all cheering]
[Eli]
Unless you're a quarterback. Ouch.
[Shaunda] Lester ran an incredible route,
no doubt.
[Eli]
And now, Lester transforms
back into Micah Parsons.
He's the one... he's the only...
defensive end, number 11,
please welcome...
- Micah Parsons!
- [all cheering]
[Eli]
And though he didn't know it
at the time,
he gets his last ovation
as a Dallas Cowboy.
And since the fans love Micah,
they aren't feeling too bad
about their missed orders.
Oh, my god, it's Micah!
He had me fooled. Okay? [laughs]
I didn't even know that was him.
He's my favorite! I love him!
I actually feel pretty bad
because I was sitting at the bar,
he actually came to me
and he was trying to talk to me.
And I was throwin' him like,
man, who are you, man?
You can't just... [laughs]
- He came to our table first.
- Yeah, he came to our table.
He says, "Can I get you anything?"
I'm like, that looks like Micah.
He just walked up to our table...
he said, "Well, I'm kinda hungry."
I we said, "Well, help yourself."
So, he took a piece of mozzarella stick
and ate it.
I thought I was an amazing waiter.
I think I waited on everyone in there.
I just felt it in my soul.
I saw him and I'm like,
oh, my god, that's Micah.
He had me fooled.
He told me he was from Memphis,
he was 38 years old.
Randomly this old guy came up to me.
I noticed it was Micah Parsons right away.
I wanted to freak out,
but I didn't want to blow his cover.
Today is a great day to be a Cowboy fan.
And a Micah Parsons fan.
- [photographer] Let's go!
- [all] Cowboys!
I really do appreciate the Cowboys fans
for embracing me
since the moment I got here.
It's part of the reason why I go so hard.
It's for them. You know,
my family and for the fans.
Kudos to Micah and being
such a team player for the fans.
How 'bout them Cowboys?!
- [cheering]
- How 'bout them Cowboys?!
- That made my whole year.
- Yes.
I played Skee-Ball with Micah Parsons
and he whooped my ass.
It's one of the most memorable things
I've done in my serving career, for sure.
We had an amazing day!
Thank you so much!
It really was
an amazing opportunity for me.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
And to the next Undercover,
good luck.
And I hope you are
as successful as others.
I was probably halfway successful.
[all chanting]
MVP! MVP! MVP!
[Eli]
And while Micah might not be wearing
a Cowboys jersey anymore,
what remains are the stories
and smiles he left behind.
A reminder that
when it comes to good times,
the times might not last,
but the good always will.
And no matter
where Micah Parsons is playing,
be it Dallas or Green Bay,
one thing will always remain true;
I'm the King of San Diego.
Thanks to Micah, the Sidecar staff,
the Cowboys,
and of course,
the Cowboys superfans.
And me. Thanks to me.
Thanks, Eli. You're welcome.
That's our show, folks.
Keep an eye out
for more episodes of
The Undercovers.
But before we go, remember,
yards and meters aren't the same thing.
Yards are in front of your house,
and meters measure
how much electricity you use.
So, be careful. It's the Eli way.
Good night.
Where am I?
[orchestral music]

Don't forget to say goodbye
Before you go
Give me one more chance
I want to see your face

Just once before you go
And I'll always be hangin' on.
[man indistinct]
They have good food here, but...
we can go somewhere else.