Elliot the Littlest Reindeer (2018) Movie Script
1
Thanks for taking
the time to do this, Santa.
I know how busy you
are this time of year.
We
certainly are, Corkie.
But we've always got time
for our favorite reporter.
Especially after what
happened last year.
Am I right?
Never underestimate the power
of a well-positioned puff piece
to make the public forget.
I'm kidding.
This is going to be some
hard-hitting journalism
right here.
Again, kidding.
How about you just
show me the reindeer?
As you can see, we have no
problems with the reindeer...
no problems at all.
We've got everything
under control.
You're gonna want to
write that one down.
"Everything under control."
Yeah.
Wow.
I can see that.
It's almost like you don't
even need to establish
the training camps.
There's just one thing.
Shouldn't there
be eight of them?
What?
Well, of course, there is...
four, five, six, seven.
Oh, no.
Big dreamers dream big.
Come on, Elliot.
You can do better than that.
Big dreamers dream big.
I still can't hear you.
Big
dreamers dream big!
That's what
I'm talking about!
Well, don't just stand
there grinning like a fool.
Go!
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
Come on, Elliot.
Go, go.
Move!
14.59 seconds exactly.
Yes!
I finally broke 15 seconds.
127th time's the charm.
Let's hit the salt lick.
Aren't you
forgetting something?
Actually, I thought maybe
we could skip it today?
Oh, sure.
Why not?
Cutting a workout short
never hurt anyone, right?
Exactly.
- Thanks, Hazel.
- Hah.
That's so funny.
What's that thing
coach always says?
"Success trains,
failure complains"?
No, that's not it.
"The moment you
quit is the moment
you let someone else win"?
No!
No, Hazel, no.
That's not it, either.
Oh, I know.
"If it's important,
you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse."
That's it!
Oh, that phrase just popped
in my head so out of the blue.
Isn't that so funny and weird?
Fine.
OK.
Forget I said anything.
I'll do it.
I don't know why we're
bothering with this.
Really, just give
it a decade or two,
and global warming is going to
make this a total non-issue.
Call me crazy, Elliot, but I
don't think our strategy should
be predicated on an ecological
catastrophe from which
the world will never recover.
Well, when you
put it that way...
All right.
OK, good.
Good start.
That's what you always say.
Try dispersing your
weight more evenly.
That's it!
You're doing it!
I... I can't believe it!
It's working!
Uh-oh.
And that, ladies
and goats, is why
Santa's always used reindeer.
Um, a little help here?
Ah, hold your
miniature horses.
What are you two doing
messing with the climate
generator again?
These things are dangerous!
I think I hear Peanut
Butter calling me.
Coming!
They already broke
the off button.
Next thing you
know, they'll bust
the emergency shut down, too.
Ah, coach, you worry too much.
Hey, guess what?
I finally broke 15 seconds!
I mean, yeah, there's still
the whole can't climb a snow
drift issue to contend with.
But if you just
give me a chance,
I know I'd have a shot
at making Santa's team.
I just know it.
Elliot, I can't
understand you.
I'm not one of Santa's elves.
Go on now.
Get!
Goat run's about to start.
Aw, coach, not the goats!
Peanut Butter can handle the...
Goats, Elliot.
- I wanted to show you my moves!
- Now!
Goats.
Goats.
So many goats.
Line up in an orderly fashion.
Oh.
For the love of...
work with me, goats.
Ah, get off me, [INAUDIBLE].
You're late!
And these fool goats
won't herd themselves.
What?
- Who are you calling a fool?
- You!
You great cloven-hooved ninny.
You have
responsibilities, Elliot.
Ugh.
Let's just get this over with.
I should totally be
carbo-loading right now.
I'll have you know
the running of the goats
has been a beloved and
dignified tradition
for more than 25 years!
Heads up, old man!
Oh, yeah, so dignified.
Oh, shut it.
Miss Ludzinka?
Hello.
Didn't we schedule your
walk through for tomorrow?
I come today.
I can
see that, and that's awesome.
It's just I've got
this open house...
Today!
OK, then.
Great chat.
I haven't seen
a crowd like this
since I was but a wee fawn.
This calls for an
inspirational speech.
Oh, man.
Goats of witty
pity, hear me now.
You've come to run
as free gourdes,
and free goats you are.
The old coot's
finally lost it.
You're assuming
he ever had it.
What will you
do with that freedom, goats?
Mm, no.
Ay, goats.
Learn, and you may die.
Goat run, and you'll live...
at least a while.
What kind of a
pep talk is this?
But would
you be willing to trade...
All right.
That's it.
...everything for one
chance to tell your enemies...
...that
they may take our goats,
but they will never
take our goat land!
Jeez, take it
easy, Peanut Butter.
Hello, goat.
Nice duck and
weave, Blueberry.
Thanks!
Yee!
Ha, ha!
Oh!
Uh!
Ah!
Thanks, Elliot.
Oh, I forgot how
good adulation feels.
I'm pretty sure
they're cheering for me.
Yeah.
Keep telling yourself
that, shorty.
There they are, the reindeer.
The reindeer are finally here.
You people love DJ.
Yes you do.
It's true.
DJ is fabulous.
OK, huddle up.
All right.
Good run, guys.
Good run.
Nice work out there.
Hey everyone, I'm all
warmed up and ready to go.
Hey, come on, guys.
Make some room.
Yo, mini man.
I thought I made
myself clear yesterday.
Let him join in, DJ.
We don't mind.
Well, I'm team
captain and I do.
When are you going
to give up, runt?
Because DJ is getting
tired of this.
Oh, I'll never give up,
so DJ better get used to it.
Is that so?
Yeah, it is.
I'll say this, little dude.
Persistence is an admirable
quality, just real admirable.
Thanks, DJ.
I appreciate that.
For a reindeer.
Stinking reindeer.
Think they're so special.
Um, don't look now,
but... what are you doing?
I said not to look.
Hello.
Mhm.
So you, uh, you're
going to eat that?
What?
Ew, no.
Come on, Hazel.
Ew.
God, that is the
worst beef jerky
I've ever tasted in my life.
That's because beef had
nothing to do with it.
Why?
What's it say?
Ludzinka's Llama Sticks.
What the what?
Raised by Mama Llama in
Peru, dehydrated by Ludzinka
in Duluth.
This just in from
Santa's workshop.
The world's been
stunned this holiday
season by a startling turn
of events at the North Pole.
Oh my gosh, it can't be true.
So close to Christmas?
I can confirm the rumor.
Blitzen announced his
retirement late last night,
effective immediately.
Was it a medical emergency?
A family crisis?
Or is he the one behind
Dancer's conscious uncoupling?
Because there has
been talk and photos.
They're everywhere.
Ahem.
The truth is a juice
bar in the Keys
he'd been eyeing for a while
finally came on the market.
Accordingly, we're
calling up our top draft
candidates for an
emergency trial
session starting tomorrow.
You can't possibly
expect to find
a replacement in three days.
Will there even
be a Christmas?
And does Blitzen do a
coldpressed GSI blend?
Because my adrenals have
been sued for sluggish.
No more questions.
Well, what are
you all looking at?
We've got to a trial to get to.
DJ's going big leagues.
DJ's going big leagues.
DJ's going big leagues.
Yes he is, yes he is.
Zip it, rock star.
What's your problem, Clyde?
Why you got to rain
on DJ's parade?
Who said you're our top pick?
Oh I get it.
You want to be a
little more reindeerly.
Mr. Assistant Coach, sir, even
though I'm the number one seed
in the whole entire
world, I humbly
ask that you choose
me for the honor, nay,
the privilege to
serve as the Witty
Bitty Farm's representative
at the North Pole tryouts.
the privilege to
serve as the Witty
Bitty Farm's representative
at the North Pole tryouts.
But only if it pleases you,
you're most gracious immanence.
Please, Mr. Assistant Coach?
He promises to be a good boy.
Knock it off, all of you.
Why Santa insists on
working with reindeer,
when any other animal could do
a better job, I'll never know.
And if Coach understood
even half the trash
you nimwits talk, he'd agree.
Did you hear that, Hazel?
This is my chance
to prove I'm just as
good as any stinking reindeer.
Good luck.
So the housing market's
pretty crazy in the North Pole,
- isn't it?
- Elliot, what are you doing?
Demonstrating a hairpin turn.
Why?
Hey, Coach, check it out.
Stopping on a dime.
There's a shortage
of housing I hear.
I'm even amazing
in reverse, Coach.
Elliot, stop.
But I've been
training so hard, Clyde.
If you and Coach would
just give me a chance.
Well, looky looky.
Little horse is trying out.
Oh man, DJ couldn't ask for
a funner humiliation himself.
Nice form.
- Little guy's not half bad.
- What?
Not again.
Get him back to the goat
pin, would you, old fella?
I don't have time for any
more of his antics today.
Coach, wait.
You don't see me run
the tire course yet.
Coach, please.
Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Elliot, you OK in there?
He didn't even notice me.
What a loser.
No you didn't.
You wouldn't want to be
a part of this anyway, kid.
Go back to the goats, buddy.
Let him go.
Go lock in.
We've got to go lock in.
Aw, Elliot.
Twas a solid effort, lad.
Yeah, thanks.
But that's what
you get for trying
to be something you're not.
Well, pardon me for wanting
to do something with my life.
Are you implying my
life isn't important?
To think I thought you'd
take over for me one day.
You don't deserve the honor
of overseeing the goat run.
Nobody cares about the
goat run or the mini horses
in charge of it.
Pst.
Hey Elliot, wake up.
Just get up.
Come on.
Hazel?
What are you doing?
Oh, you know, just
heading up the back nine.
Want to play buck a ball?
You're golfing?
I'm stuck.
Help me.
Wait.
You're not going to
eat that, are you?
Oh, how dare you.
That is a vicious stereotype.
I have never eaten a
tin can in my life.
OK, fine.
I'm a goat and I eat
tin cans, all right?
Can you please stop
judging me now?
I am vulnerable.
What do you need me to do?
Um, pull.
Whoa, easy.
You're going to
have to go get that.
It's your can.
You get it.
Fine, we'll do it together.
Big baby.
1, 2, 3.
Quick, grab it.
Ew.
Young man, no
wife, no childrens.
To own a petting
zoo is weird to me.
Yeah, OK.
Well, like I said, I inherited
the place from my grandparents.
You sure you'll be able to give
them a good home, Ms. Ludzinka?
No need worry.
I give my animals only the best,
organic feed, insulated pins.
I keep them very
happy and tenderized.
Sorry, did you say tenderized?
Tenderhearted.
Forgive me.
My English, not so good.
Sure you're
not throwing reindeer.
I like reindeer.
Good and gamey.
They are good at games.
I mean, I love to play
different games with my friends.
The reindeer are the
future of this place.
No, only the petting zoo
animals are for sale.
OK.
I already make you a good offer,
better than anyone else's,
I'm sure.
Actually, you made
the only offer, so.
You're not so good at
bargaining thing, huh?
What do you mean?
Oh, nothing.
Nothing.
Shake hand.
We have deal.
We'll finalize the
paperwork when I get back.
Ooh.
Moist, very moist hand.
Peanutbutter, wake up.
What are you two
dunderheads doing in my stall
at this unholy hour?
Coach is selling
us, Peanutbutter.
To a crazy lady.
Who dehydrates
llamas in Duluth.
So he's finally found a buyer?
You know about this and
you didn't try to stop it?
What happened to
glory and honor?
What happened to
never taking our goat run.
One thing has nothing
to do with the other.
It's time to stop fighting
what you are and accept
your station, Elliot.
Life's easier that way.
You get Ignacio,
I'll get the goats.
You wouldn't last
a day in the wild.
Well, that's longer than
we'd last in a dehydrator.
We're not running away, Hazel.
Of course we're running away.
What else could we possibly do?
Are we about to commit a crime?
It's a gray area.
Because I've always thought
I'd make an excellent saboteur.
Sabotage isn't exactly
what I had in mind.
Mi,
mi, mi, mi, mi.
Oh, what a DJing morning.
Oh, what a DJing day.
Everybody now.
We've
got a DJing feeling.
Everything's DJ today.
You know, DJ's going
to miss you all when
he's working with the big man.
Aw, we're going
to miss you too, DJ.
Oh, DJ didn't really mean it.
He was just being polite.
See you on the
other side, suckers.
Shut that thing, Hazel.
I'm serious, quiet.
I'm trying.
I think I got it this time.
Purring like a kitten.
What is the matter with you?
It's no big deal, I just...
uh.
What is going on?
I just maybe, probably, really
shouldn't have eaten that can.
Third time's the charm.
Yes.
Now hurry up and get in
before she stalls again.
Oh, make it stop.
You look really bad.
Got to get that can through
the old duodenum, you know?
Um, no.
You're right.
Things could get messy,
cornering the small intestine.
That's only happened a
couple of times in the past.
What?
All right, Sherlock.
It was five times.
OK, six.
Fine, seven.
I've had complications
in the small intestine
as a result of ingesting
cans eight times in the past.
But you never know how
things will shake out.
A ruminants gastrointestinal
tract is full of surprises.
What happened to the engine?
We're going to have to
make an emergency landing.
We're all going to die.
What are you doing?
Are you trying to
hit that tree, Coach?
Hazel.
Help me.
Come on, Hazel.
Reach.
Hazel.
Wow, well how about that?
What?
That can just shook
itself right out.
This is where reindeer
become heroes, boys.
Nice ride.
You make that thing out
of your grandpappy's old car
and some salvage tractor parts?
Yeah, why?
I'm flying corporate
or nothing from now on.
I am not even kidding.
Oh, nibbles.
Let's chow.
No, forget it.
We have to register while
the others are distracted.
Not even a carrot?
Come on.
I'm so hungry.
Whoohoo.
That's my boys.
Walter Wittick III, right?
Do I know you?
I don't think so.
Cause you look exactly
like my next girlfriend.
I'm Walter Wittick, yes.
Oh yeah, you're the
team from the petting
zoo, the Witty Bitty Farm.
Wittick's Reindeer
Training Camp, actually.
We're rebranding.
Aren't you some
kind of minor league
baseball star or something?
Youngest shortstop
ever drafted.
Ooh, impressive.
I bet you'll be called up
to the majors any day now.
Oh, yeah.
Major league baseball isn't
all it's cracked up to be.
I decided to do something
important with my life,
something truly fulfilling,
you know, for the kids.
How noble.
That's just the
kind of guy I am,
noble, magnanimous, benevolent.
I could go on.
I'm sure you could.
The thing is I heard
you got sidelined
by a case of the yips.
What?
Word is you woke up
one day and completely
lost your ability to throw
the ball to first base.
Poof, like you
never had it at all.
That's not... where did you...
I mean, OK, also
dude, the yips is
not the preferred nomenclature.
Misplaced focus, please.
You couldn't hit a ball
10 feet in front of you
to save your life.
That only happened
the one time.
Sure it did.
Good like out there, sport star.
That could have gone better.
Oh man, this is perfect.
Everyone in the world
is going to want
to visit the petting zoo
that produced Santa's
first non-reindeer reindeer.
Coach will make
so much money, he
won't have to sell us anymore.
And all you have to do is
beat 20 of the world's toughest
contenders in a
grueling three-day
- competition to make it happen.
- Next.
Where's your human?
He's busy in the...
uh, you know what?
I'd look to check
in a player, please.
I'm only permitted
to deal with humans.
It's a union thing.
His name's Elliot.
That is E-L-L-I-O-T-E?
At least, I think
there's an E on the end.
Literacy's never really
been my strong point.
Seriously, g get your human.
He's allergic to tree nuts.
Best to take it easy
on the dairy, too.
Since you're obviously
never going to leave, fine.
Name and feeder farm
before I change my mind.
Yeah.
So again, his name
is Elliot, and we
are an independent entry.
You got a wild card then?
Did I mention he
has a nut allergy?
I'll take that as a no.
Once you see what he can do...
Oh, for the love of Keebler.
If it will hurry you up,
show me this player of yours.
Tada.
You want to enter a pony
in the North Pole tryouts?
- I am a miniature...
- Next.
What are we
going to do, Hazel?
If I can't register,
I can't compete.
No, no, no.
It's all big misunderstanding.
We warned you about the extra
magic cookies, Moshennika.
Gentlemen, be reasonable.
I'm sure we can work this out.
Bribing Santa's helpers, Uri.
Ugh, how do you sleep at night?
Enjoy the naughty list.
Ooh.
Ah, Hazel, you don't
even know what that is.
Blech, ugh.
Standard 65 pound cardstock
flavored with number 12 ink?
I'm number 12 ink intolerant.
What?
It's a thing.
Hazel, you are a genius.
I know.
What's it say?
Follow me.
Can you just read it to me?
Mm.
Mhm.
This is some quality produce.
Hello, Junior.
Oh, hey dad.
Didn't realize you'd
make it to the tryouts.
How are things
with the Brittle...
what's that place called again?
Wittick's Witty Bitty
Farm, which you'd know
if you ever bothered to visit.
Yes.
Well, oh dear.
Good luck, son.
Oh and Junior...
Yeah dad?
Try not to embarrass me, OK?
- Say hello to Glitzen.
- Glitzen?
What kind of a name is Glitzen?
Weren't you just here?
Are you going to
sign us in or do I have
to go over your head on this?
Ahem.
Do we have a problem
here, Joleen?
This goat's
pulling a fast one.
I've got a wild card
and I've got a player.
How is that a fast one?
This is your player?
We're blown.
- He knows.
- He doesn't know.
- Stop talking.
- He totally knows.
Go ahead, sign him in.
What?
He's below regulation
weight and height.
He doesn't have a human,
and I'm almost positive I
checked in all the wild cards.
Who gives the
orders around here?
You do, sir.
Then sign him in.
Thanks.
It's going to be a long day.
I knew I shouldn't have
picked up this shift.
I guess we should
try to find out
who your main competition is.
Oh, oh DJ all the way.
Ugh, aside from the obvious.
Oh, I already know.
There's Heinrich
the Dutch Dream.
Oh [INAUDIBLE]
Svetlana the Polish
Punisher and her best friend,
Olga the Swedish Destroyer.
Then we've got the
Canadian, a.k.a.
- Sasha Second Place.
- Ouch.
Watch it, Dutch boy.
Dang.
What is her problem?
Huge chip on her shoulder.
Dad, grandma, and great
uncle all second picks
at previous tryouts.
Lot of pressure to
break the family curse.
All right,
everybody, pipe down.
Ahem, welcome, one and all.
Santa is delighted you
made the long journey
and is blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
OK, here's the deal.
We've got three days to
find our next Blitzen.
Of course, when we
set up this system,
we envisioned a
much longer process.
But since your predecessor
proved like so many before him
that reindeer are
unreliable, self-absorbed,
ego maniacal
quitters who possess
nary a hint of
social responsibility
nor personal honor...
Who do you think you are?
Not all reindeer, man.
This guy is amazing.
Oh, I see.
You're under the impression that
reindeers are noble creatures.
Hey, I've got a good idea.
How about I enlighten you to
the way things really are?
It all started in 1953 when
Dixen decided to have a family
and move to the suburbs.
Now, I'll be the first to admit
the Dixen thing caught us off
guard.
Of course, our real mistake was
thinking that it was a fluke.
Because 14 years later, along
comes a little movement known
as "flower power,"
and Comet takes off
to some ashram to find himself.
Then in 1988, Cupid
defected to Moscow
after falling in
love again, this time
with a little Siberian number
by the name of Vladlena,
on Christmas Eve, no
less, which brings us
to last year's incident
when Prancer decided
he needed some "me" time.
I mean, have you ever heard
such self-absorbed baloney
in all your life?
Oh, wait.
Look who I'm talking to.
Of course you have.
Wait a minute.
Are you kidding me?
Save your whining for
the sports psychologist.
The point is, punks, it's
no longer just about skill.
We're looking for strength of
character, integrity, loyalty,
qualities that seemed to
have eluded your species
for quite some time.
Now, get out of here.
First event starts in
the main field in five.
Oh, oh DJ all the way.
Hey, hey DJ all the way.
Hm.
Hey, Little League tryouts
were last week, small fry.
Good one.
Question, though.
Are you looking
forward to coming
in second again, JD Canuck?
Oh.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
I was only trying to...
I'm just messing
with you, tiny.
Would you two keep it down?
DJ's trying to get himself
in the zone over here.
All right, folks.
This ain't rocket science.
First 10 get to stick
around for tomorrow's event.
The rest of you, bye bye.
Take your marks.
Go DJ, go.
- Wind up your knees, head down.
- Huh?
This is just another goat run.
Come on, Glitzen,
you can do this.
You do this every day.
Duck and weave, Glitzen.
What?
Duck and weave.
Look at DJ go.
Those clowns never had a chance.
Enough of this nonsense.
There's a footy match against
the old enemy on channel 3.
Hey.
Did somebody order
a Spanish meatball?
Get out of there, Glitzen.
Go.
Move.
Oh my goat.
What?
That little reindeer looks
just like you, Peanutbutter.
- [INAUDIBLE]
- He's got it.
He's got it.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
DJ loves himself.
DJ.
You see that?
The training camp
is going to pay off.
Man, your boy's got some legs.
He just broke your
record, right?
Not even close.
Yes, yes.
[INAUDIBLE] in your face.
Elliot, that was amazing.
Can you believe it, Hazel?
I did it.
I actually made it through.
What are you two doing here?
Uh-oh.
Do we know each other?
I'm pretty sure
we've met, Elliot.
Nice hat, Hazel.
Please don't tell
Coach we're here, Clyde.
Give me one good
reason why not.
Because I can do this.
Did you see that?
I made the cut.
Dead last on qualifier.
You must be so proud.
OK, yeah, I was last.
But did you see me out there?
I was on fire.
Sloppy footwork,
appalling technique,
and a total disregard
for presentation.
Some fire.
Yeah?
Well, what do you know?
You're just a cranky, old draft
horse whose pulled one too many
kegs.
Forget I said anything.
You'll make a perfect reindeer.
OK, time to hit the buffet.
Uh, we should just
go home and take
our chances with the meat lady.
Oh yeah, sure.
Let's quit now, give
up on everything
you've been working
your entire life for.
Great plan.
I'm serious.
Sure you are.
Athletes.
Wait a second.
Where is everyone?
Hey, Glitzen.
You coming to the after party?
Ooh, is that where
they serve dessert?
Is there a chocolate fountain?
Reindeer only, sorry.
I'm not really
in a party mood.
Why not?
You were amazing today.
I was?
Are you kidding?
I just saw the replay.
That duck and weave
bit was awesome.
Oh, actually, that was...
Just a little reindeer
move I came up with back
at the reindeer
training camp, you
know with the other
reindeer, like me.
Excuse me?
Well, come on then.
Don't just stand
there looking short.
OK, yeah.
Yeah, you're right, Sasha.
A party sounds
like a great idea.
Enjoy the buffet, Hazel.
So this is like a
Christmas party?
Um, not exactly.
Younglings, welcome.
We've got food,
beverages, flea dip.
Um, is that the North Pole?
Yeah.
We steal it every year.
What's that stuff all over it?
Butter.
- Makes it good and slippery.
- Oh.
You two want to give it a try?
Do we have a choice?
What do you think we are, a
couple of heartless monsters?
Because you would be right.
Come on now.
Come on.
Have fun, y'all.
Huh?
Come on, come on.
Where is it?
I know I saw it
around here somewhere.
That must be where
we get the dessert.
Man, are you kidding me?
No one can win this thing.
Seriously, where's
an opposable thumb
when you need it?
No one can win.
No one.
Dude, speak English.
You know DJ doesn't
understand Korean.
He's Dutch, you idiot.
Hey, I know what to do.
I think DJ knows Korean
when he hears it, Sasha.
Listen, I have an idea.
No, she is right.
I am Dutch.
Guys, we're all losers.
Excuse me?
You said it yourself, DJ.
This is impossible.
But if someone doesn't get
that hat down, we all lose.
All of us as a group.
Some might even call it a team.
Do you see where
I'm going with this?
Oh, I see.
Let's do this.
Whoa, hold on.
What just... I don't get it.
Are you wearing
[INAUDIBLE] shoes, man?
Ow.
Ow.
Watch it.
Oh man, I love
being a reindeer.
Good to know,
considering you've
been one your entire life.
Oh yeah, right.
No, I'm just saying being
a reindeer is awesome.
Whoa, hold up.
Do I know you, little dude?
Me?
No.
No, we just met, remember?
Yeah, but you're
looking awfully
familiar all of a sudden.
Oh, is that my
coach calling me?
I should go.
That was weird.
Something's not right, Sasha.
I know it.
Oh wow.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, the kitchen must be behind
all these shiny new sleighs.
What are you doing back here?
Oh hello, good sir.
Would you be so kind as to
direct me to the ladies room?
So sorry, Madam, I cannot.
Because you're a goat.
You're not authorized
to be here, either.
Would someone please
tell me what is going on?
Sugar plum, there you are.
I've been looking
all over for you.
I've got a bag of dog treats
in my purse if you play along.
Lady, do I look
like I eat Kibble?
My, my, Lemon Drop.
What is all this?
It's how the North Pole keeps
up with the rest of the world.
And it's supposed to be
top secret, by the way,
so if you do not mind.
It's just there sure a lot
of mechanical sleigh in here.
Seriously, this
place is packed.
And I always thought they
were manufactured exclusively
for the training farms.
Oh yeah, that is right.
They sure are.
And yet here we stand in
the heart of the North Pole,
surrounded by a
veritable suite of them.
Hey, she's right.
What gives, elf?
Care to comment?
Well, I...
I suppose we couldn't expect
to keep it a secret forever.
Keep what a secret?
How we survived the
Prancer crisis, of course.
How do you think Santa handled
a typhoon, two blizzards,
and the worst fog the
eastern seaboard had ever
seen with his team down a man?
Everyone knows last year
was an outright disaster.
The one thing Santa
didn't do was handle it.
Of course he handled it.
He was just a little late.
A little?
Try seven hours.
The candy
cane has cracked.
I repeat, the candy
cane has cracked.
Move, move, move.
We did what we had to do
and we got the job done.
These sleighs are
something else.
No need to be fed or groomed.
Don't need any
sleep or exercise.
100% hassle-free.
I love technology.
Not more than you love
the reindeer, though, right?
Oh yeah, no.
Of course not.
I love the reindeers.
They're so much fun.
So this is, what,
a backup system?
Sure.
OK.
A backup system.
That... that's a...
a good phrase.
Now, if you don't mind.
He's a terrible liar.
Yup.
So how about those dog treats?
Oh, you promised
you'd stop doing that.
I saw something really
strange last night, Elliot.
Last night.
Oh, man.
Lemon Drop's got
this secret lab.
You should have
been there, Hazel.
Full of mechanical sleighs.
There was reindeer.
I think he's up to something.
And butter.
Elliot, stop yapping
about the stupid reindeer
and listen to me.
Reindeer aren't stupid.
Uh, excuse me?
They're actually pretty great.
They're great?
I mean even DJ is OK
once you get to know him.
OK, fine.
Let's say they can be
nice to other reindeer.
How do you think they're
going to react when
you take off those antlers?
Maybe I won't have to.
What are you
even talking about?
I just mean I
might not even win,
so there's no point in worrying
about any of that right now.
I have to get to the gym before
all the machines are taken.
I'll see you later, Hazel.
You don't look like a reindeer
ready for his first flight.
DJ's got the sniffles,
and it's freezing out there.
You're a reindeer, DJ.
You're genetically
built for the cold.
So that's it.
After all our work, everything
Coach has done for you,
you're going to throw
it all away over a cold?
It is what it is, old man.
I expect you on the
main field in 20 minutes.
Excuse me.
OK, big guy, make some room.
OK, if you could just move your
giant butt two inches to the...
OK, all right, that's it.
I am done playing.
Ooh, look at that.
Nice.
Yo, Malik.
You forgot the milk.
Well, well, well.
Look at you, my lovelies.
Gee, I wonder what
that sign says.
Meh, how important could it be?
Reading is overrated.
He's sick.
After everything
we've worked for?
No, no, no, no, no.
He wouldn't get up
for you, either?
This can't be happening.
Everything OK, gentlemen?
Great.
I can see the headline now,
number 1 seed has the yips.
Reindeer trainer slash failed
baseball star loses everything.
Perfect.
That's actually
a little wordy.
What am I going to do?
You're right.
He's fine.
It's going to be totally fine.
It's all fine.
Sure sounds like it.
I need some air.
Your boy's wound a
little tight, huh?
You have no idea.
Hairpin turn.
Candy canes.
Keep your knees in
line with your hooves.
Are you talking to me?
You see anybody else
wrecking the field
with their sloppy technique?
It's not that bad.
OK, fine.
Maybe I am.
Knees, hooves, try it.
Try it again.
Ha ha, eat that.
Give it up, grandpa.
DJ's done.
Rest assured, your grandfather
would never have tolerated
this kind of behavior.
Get up, Junior.
I can't, dad.
I'm sick.
Nonsense.
- You're afraid of flying.
- Nuh-huh.
DJ's not afraid of flying.
DJ's not afraid of anything.
OK, fine, but it's not
like I chose to be a wuss.
What do you want me to do?
The only way to overcome any
fear is to face it head on.
How did I know you'd say that?
I heard an extra cookie
or two never hurt, either.
Huh?
An extra cookie?
Isn't that kind of cheating?
I warned you about
embarrassing me, Junior.
OK, dad.
Anything you say.
Now, did everyone get one
of Mrs. Claus's cookies?
Apparently, we had a mix-up
in this morning's count.
Rookies.
All right, hold on
to your butts, folks.
These puppies don't
take long to kick in.
Hello?
Huh?
Ignacio?
What are you doing here?
And why are you so small?
What the... huh?
What is
happening to me?
I shouldn't have
eaten those cookies.
I am ashamed.
OK, OK, OK.
There's got to be
another way out here.
Aha.
Wait, what?
DJ?
Is this actually happening?
The chained monkey
flies at midnight.
DJ's a cheat.
Yes, I did it, finally.
You're up, DJ.
DJ?
Last call for DJ.
I can't believe this.
He choked.
He totally choked.
This is a disaster.
Well, looks like we have our
first disqualification, folks.
Hold up.
Hold up.
Hold up.
- DJ right here.
- Yeah.
Oh no.
I'm going to barf.
Yes.
Yes.
You're up, Glitzen.
Good luck trying to beat that.
Come on, Blitzen.
You can do it.
OK, big dreamers dream big.
You can do it.
OK, big dreamers dream big.
Big dreamers dream big.
Elliot, you won't
believe what I...
That little guy's
got some moves.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
No one puts DJ in the corner.
Nice work, Glitzen.
Oh, thanks, Sasha.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, well, enjoy
it while you can.
I plan on eviscerating
you tomorrow.
Um, what happened
to your antlers?
They're all wonky.
Hold up.
Hold up.
What's she doing here?
I knew there was something
off about that little dude.
The jig is up, goat.
You two fraudsters
have been caught.
You're one to talk.
You're a cheater.
What did you just call me?
You heard me,
you're a cheater.
Oh, look at that.
I'm down.
I'm finally... oh come on.
Hazel, what's going on?
What is that hideous creature?
Oh man.
Elliot, is that you?
Glitzen?
What's the deal, [INAUDIBLE]?
You're trying to
pull one over on us?
Did you know
about this, Walter?
Me?
Of course not.
Well, this is certainly a
first, a pony at the North Pole
- tryouts.
- Hes' a miniature horse.
And he's the least
of your problems.
What's that supposed to mean?
DJ is a cheater.
I saw him.
He ate two extra cookies.
That is an
outrageous, slanderous,
and egregious falsehood.
DJ's never cheated
a day in his life.
Then how come you're the
only reindeer still in the air?
I think it's time DJ paid
a visit to the medical tent.
OK, fine.
DJ may have eaten an
extra cookie or two.
But what's the big deal?
As long as you find
someone to pull the sleigh,
what's it matter how they do it?
You're right.
Why not let tiny horses
pretend to be reindeer?
Or have reindeer ingest
controlled substances?
Oh, here's a thought.
Rather than leaving
presents for children,
Santa just burglars
their homes instead.
We'll increase our bottom
line and let the old man
unleash his inner criminal.
It's a win-win.
Santa's got an inner criminal?
Would one of you elves
please tell us humans
what these animals are saying?
They're letting
me down, as usual.
Oh, sir.
What a surprise.
Tell me you've kept
the mechanical sleighs in
good working order, Lemon Drop.
Of course, sir, tip-top.
Why?
Because these
tryouts are over.
I'm disqualifying
every one everyone
and canceling all
further events.
Sir, if I may.
You may not.
I know how hard you've
worked to make these tryouts
a successful, old
friend, but this
has been a long time coming.
I love all of my reindeer,
but I can no longer
allow personal attachments
to blind me to the reality
of what they've become.
Therefore, it is
with heavy heart
that I have decided
to end my association
with reindeer forever.
We have to put the
children of the world first.
You two ruin everything.
Centuries of matches
down the drain.
We've been working for
this for years, years.
Quiet.
No one is more shocked
by this than me.
However, Santa has
made his decision
and we must abide by his wishes.
Now, if you'll excuse me, we
have preparations to make.
Oh, and Merry Christmas.
You did this.
What am I supposed
to tell my kids?
What kind of sicko
pretends to be a reindeer?
Hang on.
Oh.
So that did not go the
way I thought it would.
Oh.
Well, how did you
expect things to go
when you stole those cookies?
It's not like there was a
sign on them saying not to...
oh, reading.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
You ruined everything, Hazel.
Did you see the way the reindeer
looked at me back there?
Elliot, reindeer are jerks.
They've always been jerks and
they always will be jerks.
Even Santa understands
that, Santa.
But they all hate me now.
Oh, who cares what they think?
Have you've forgotten
why we're here?
To save our friends.
As soon as we get
home, we'll round
everyone up and hit the road.
At least we've got each other.
That's what counts, isn't it?
Isn't it, Elliot?
I don't anything anymore.
Ow.
I suppose you want a comment
from the idiot coach who
somehow missed the fact
that he had not one, but two
cheating players on his roster.
Well, newsflash, I
got nothing for you.
I actually wanted to
see how you were doing.
Guess I got my answer.
I'm sorry.
I'm just...
You could always go back
to baseball, you know?
There are ways to
deal with a yi...
misplaced focus.
You were good.
Not good enough.
If it's important,
you'll find a way.
If not...
You'll find an excuse.
Where have I heard that before?
It's time to face facts.
I failed baseball,
and now I'm going
to lose the training camp, too.
So you're giving
up, just like that?
Good luck, Walter, with
whatever you decide to do.
Elliot, I've been
looking all over for you.
Come on, it's time to go.
Coach, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean...
Come on now, get.
Thanks for getting back
to me, Ms. Ludzinka.
What did I just say?
I didn't mean you, Ms. Ludzinka.
Listen, I just faxed you
the signed bill of sale,
so you can pick up the
animals any time you like.
- What?
- Sure.
Tonight works.
Tonight?
And I changed my mind
about the reindeer.
You can have them, too.
So this is how it all ends
for me, abhorred in the Arctic,
dehydrated in Duluth.
I wish I could figure out
who gave DJ the cookies.
You wouldn't happen to
know the answer to that,
would you, Sugarplum?
I sure do, a masked elf
with a bad wrist tattoo.
I can't believe I'm
about to say this,
but I really wish
I could speak goat.
How about you?
Want to do an interview?
Give my readers an elf's
perspective on the whole
Santa quits the reindeer thing?
My boss has
specifically forbidden
us from talking to the press.
It would be strictly
off the record.
You don't get it.
Things are so tight
around here, I
can't drop a chocolate
kiss without Lemon
Drop's permission.
You feel me?
Ew.
You mind?
Whatever.
It's only food.
The chained monkey
flies at midnight.
You don't say?
Come on, lady.
It's time you learned
to speak goat.
You do realize we're
at the North Pole
in the dead of winter, right?
Your point is?
Guys, where's Hazel?
We assumed she was with you.
We have to find
her, right now.
You're that anxious to get
back to your sad, little life,
mini man?
I won't have a life
to get back to if we
don't get home before sundown.
None of us will.
What are you talking about?
I don't have time to explain.
Then I suggest you make time.
Green.
Click the green.
Click it.
It's green.
The green one.
Unright.
Unright the click.
Unright.
I'm clicking.
Uh, have you ever even
used a computer before?
Never used mainframe
previous, although that now.
Either this translation
program sucks,
or you are completely insane.
Listen lady, goat is a complex
language with multiple layers
of subtext.
Of to fraulein.
The complicated
tongue of the goat
displays many floors
between the lines.
She's going to
turn DJ into what?
She's a monster.
Goat, OK, I can see that.
And a horse, well sure.
But who'd eat a reindeer?
Scandinavians.
Scanda who now?
You know, Nordic
countries, world's largest
consumers of reindeer meat.
They say reindeer is
healthier than fish,
low in fat, high in protein,
and apparently real, real tasty.
Mm-mm.
Oh.
DJ don't feel so good.
Guys, focus.
Where is Hazel
most likely to be?
Don't worry, reindeer's
barely a step above worm.
This will be a piece of cake.
Hey there, what
can I do you for?
Hey there,
what can I do you for?
What did I tell you?
Let's just cut to the
chase, my sunkissed friend.
What's the deal with
the sudden retirement?
That sounded important.
It wasn't sudden.
I dreamed of owning a
juice bar for years.
So it was all your idea then?
Nobody ordered you to go.
Nobody like, say, Lemon Drop?
Ordered me?
Lemon Drop?
No way.
He's never been anything
but a 100% supportive.
Define supportive.
I can't find her anywhere.
Well, we'll have to leave her.
It's every animal for
themselves from here on it.
What is this, the Thunderdome?
We're not leaving anyone.
Are we ready for the test
run of the sleighs, Lemon Drop?
Just clearing the field, sir.
Is Rusty all ready to go?
He'll need a few minutes.
Even a
state-of-the-art climate
generator needs to warm up.
Are you sure
about this, Nicki?
The reindeer has been such a big
part of your life for so long.
The sleighs are
the future, Karina.
At least they're
going to have to be.
I just have this
nagging feeling
we're missing something.
Oh ho.
Would you look at that?
Can I get you two any
refreshments before we begin?
Maybe some tea, cake perhaps?
Why not some
cookies, Lemon Drop?
You seem to be pretty
good at giving those out.
Am I supposed to understand
what you're talking about?
Can it, elf.
We know everything.
Hazel, we have to go.
- The meat lady...
- Shush.
Not now, Elliot.
What is going on here?
Lemon Drop was
the one who supplied
DJ with the extra cookies.
That's absurd.
I was here, working
my hands to the bone.
You may have used Jolene
as your delivery girl,
but the cookies came from you.
Is this true, Lemon Drop?
That's not even
the half of it.
Show him, Sugarplum.
What are you doing, Hazel?
Oh, nothing much.
Just, you know,
saving Christmas.
Lemon Drop found
me the real estate
listening for my juice bar.
He loaned me the money
for the down payment.
The little guy even
helped me pack.
It's almost like
he knew I wanted
a juice bar before I did.
I mean that was just weird.
The truth is Lemon Drop
orchestrated every reindeer
retirement since 1953.
That's preposterous.
Cue the surveillance
footage, Sugarplum.
Surveillance footage?
You use the naughty or
nice technology on us, too?
I want kids.
Of course I do.
I just...
Thought you could
put it off forever?
Oh, honey, tick tock.
What?
She was 503.
Am I wrong?
But what about what
Comet wants, man?
What about what Comet needs?
You need to take some
time to figure out
the answer to the most important
question of all, brother,
who is Comet?
That... that proves nothing.
Passport, rubles, and a
one-way ticket to Moscow.
Go get her, tiger.
Wow, that was incredible.
Oh, wait till I show
them the Prancer footage.
Please don't.
It's a super secret foot
race around the world.
First contest to post a
selfie from every capitol city
and get 10 million likes wins.
YOLO.
Prancer still
hasn't come back.
Oh, for heaven's sakes, I
was only trying to help you.
By tricking me into throwing
away centuries of tradition?
I want you gone by the end
of the day, Lemon Drop.
You, too, Jolene.
OK.
You're firing me?
Go ahead.
But you'll see, the reindeer
will let you down again.
The sleighs are the only
way to protect Christmas.
They're the answer to
your problem, buddy.
When did bringing joy to
the children of the world
become a problem?
When their population
reached almost a billion.
How can one man and
eight dim-witted reindeer
possibly be expected to keep up?
Well, we've managed so far.
Only because of me, me.
I'm the one who
manages logistics.
I'm the one who
oversees production.
I'm the one who
updates technology.
Me.
The only reason you can pull off
any of this is because of me.
Lemon Drop, what
are you doing?
Let's see how your precious
reindeer hold up to this.
No.
Everybody take cover.
Nicholas, where are you going?
Have to turn off machine.
[INAUDIBLE]
We have to get out of here.
Hazel.
Let go.
You're the boss.
What have you done?
Something I should have
done a long time ago.
No.
Hazel.
Don't worry, Glitzen.
We've got this.
Sit down, mini man.
Somebody help me.
No, no, no.
Oh, this is very frightening.
Have to save at least one.
Oh, sugar cookie.
No.
Come on, Sasha.
Help me.
Do I look like I can
be of assistance to you
at this moment?
Hazel.
We got to go.
What are you doing?
Let me go.
I have to save her.
It's too late.
We have to get everyone
out of there, now.
It's got an emergency
shutdown, just like home.
Mini man, are you crazy?
Glitzen?
Elliot.
You saved us.
Not all of us.
Oh, mini man.
What is that?
Is that?
Hazel?
She's heading straight
for the fissure.
Hold on, Hazel.
Elliot, that was amazing.
I had no idea you could do that.
Seriously, that
was incredible.
You ate that snowbank
like it was breakfast.
Just a little trick I
learned from my best friend.
What's on the menu
tonight, Mount Kilimanjaro?
Wait a second, tonight?
Oh man, tonight.
We have to go.
The meat lady comes tonight.
Meat lady?
Wait, what's this
about a meat lady?
Next place better have Wi-Fi.
That's right,
goats, nice and easy.
Hm.
Put that down.
I'm scared, Peanutbutter.
Now, now, child.
Oh.
I like you, little horse.
I like you very much.
She's ignoring my calls.
I was an idiot to
ever trust that woman.
You can't give up
on us now, Coach.
If it's important,
you'll find a way.
What did you just say, Walter?
If it's important,
you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse.
Well, I don't know
about you guys,
but I'm done with excuses.
If that meat lady thinks
she can hurt my animals,
she's got another thing coming.
Come on, guys.
Let's go save our petting zoo.
Yeah, Coach, yeah.
Let's kick some
meat lady butt.
Hey, um, would you
mind if I tagged along?
Sounds like there might be
one heck of a story here.
Hop on in.
Dang it, not now.
Wait, I know what to do.
You wouldn't mind giving
DJ and me some cookies,
would you, Santa?
The two of us are a lot more
reliable than any sleigh.
Well, of course, Elliot, but
I'd rather hoped you'd stay.
Huh?
We have a
competition to finish.
You still want me to compete?
I may have been a little hasty
in my decision before that...
all right, I was
definitely hasty.
I understand why you
did what you did.
Me too, Santa?
No, DJ, not you.
But you're welcome
to try out next time.
Everybody deserves
a second chance.
So Elliot, what do you say?
Don't worry, mini man.
I'll take care of
everything back home.
You stay and compete.
You earned it.
This is your chance, Elliot.
This is it.
Thanks, Santa, but my friends
are more important to me.
Besides, Sasha would
have beaten me, anyways.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Turning my animals into lunch
meat wasn't part of the deal.
This is fraud.
I'm calling the sheriff.
I've got a contact at
the state troopers office.
I never should have left.
I should have stayed
to help my friends.
What was that?
Blueberry.
Make it stop.
Creepy goat eyes
drill hole in my soul.
Make it stop.
What is even happening?
They've gone full goat.
No one can withstand
the full goat.
Wait.
Where's...
Laddy.
Peanutbutter?
What are you doing here, boy?
I thought for sure you'd be
working for Santa by now.
And I thought you'd
be a horse burger.
Hold your tongue.
A miniature horse
is nobody's burger.
But I'm glad you're black.
The place hasn't been
the same without you
and your cloven-hoof ninny.
Ew.
Tell me all about your
North Pole adventure.
No more of the goat.
I go anywhere you like,
just no more goat.
Can you believe she's
wanted in three states?
Who knows how many
animals you saved tonight.
Ho, ho, ho.
You did it, Sasha.
You won.
We didn't expect to
see you tonight, Santa.
Yes, well it seems we still
have an opening on the team.
I don't get what you mean.
Dad, what's going on?
It appears you weren't the
only one Lemon Drop had been
supplying extra cookies to, DJ.
What?
The thing is, Junior,
a fear of flying actually
runs in the family.
Donner admitted
everything after you left.
I'm sorry, son,
for everything.
I hope you can forgive me.
You want to
check out my stall?
It's got a pretty good view.
So Elliot...
Oh, laddie, this is it.
Oh my gosh, it's
really happening.
Oh, I'm getting all teary-eyed.
Zip it, both of you.
You're ruining his big moment.
Ssh, guys.
You were saying, Santa?
My team and I were
hoping you were still
interested in the position.
Really?
Really.
I don't know, I've got a
lot of responsibilities here.
These goats won't
hurt themselves.
Laddie, are you having a go?
Merry Christmas to all.
And to all a good night.
Bye, Elliot.
Have a great flight.
Good bye, laddie.
Now that's a story.
Everybody loves an
underdog, or horse, I guess,
in this case.
I mean it.
People are going to
really respond to this.
You might want to think
about sprucing this place up.
Oh yeah?
I have a feeling that
after this story gets out,
your Witty Bitty is going
to get pretty popular.
First
you learn to crawl.
Who do I turn to if
I just hit the wall?
Walking through fire over
a wire, mired in doubt.
Feels like I'm
running in quicksand,
sinking in the crowd.
I'm light on my feet.
Always stand at the moment.
[INAUDIBLE] see something
deep inside this moment.
Life's at full speed.
It can put me through to pieces.
Small as I seem, because I'm
off, yeah I'm off to the races.
Some say it's always
darkest before the dawn.
The shadows will show you
where the light comes from.
The rise and the falls,
disguises and all,
let them fall to the ground.
Coursing through veins,
breaking shackles and chains.
Take the reigns and run.
I'm light on my feet.
Always stand at the moment.
[INAUDIBLE] to see something
deep inside this moment.
Life's at full speed, can
put me through the pieces.
Small as I seem because I'm
off, yeah I'm off to the races.
Oh, yeah I'm off,
I'm off to the races.
I did all the right things and
followed each chartered course,
using the stars
to guide the way.
I've got to be faster,
stronger, better
for longer, bigger, and taller.
But you're only as
small as you feel.
Stay light on your feet.
Always stand at the moment.
[INAUDIBLE] Something
deep inside this moment.
Life's at full speed.
It can put me
through the pieces.
Small as I seem because I'm
off, yeah I'm off to the races.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm off.
I'm off to the races.
I've got a deep desire
like a burning fire.
Come on and take my hand.
We'll be kings and [INAUDIBLE].
We'll reach so much higher.
You and me, my friend.
So many things to see.
Hold tight and follow me.
I've done it all before.
Look up to [INAUDIBLE].
Tonight is [INAUDIBLE].
I'll show you so much more.
I've been around the
world, I've seen it all.
Come on and follow me.
I want to show you how
we can have it all.
Come on and follow me.
I want to show you how
we can have it all.
Thanks for taking
the time to do this, Santa.
I know how busy you
are this time of year.
We
certainly are, Corkie.
But we've always got time
for our favorite reporter.
Especially after what
happened last year.
Am I right?
Never underestimate the power
of a well-positioned puff piece
to make the public forget.
I'm kidding.
This is going to be some
hard-hitting journalism
right here.
Again, kidding.
How about you just
show me the reindeer?
As you can see, we have no
problems with the reindeer...
no problems at all.
We've got everything
under control.
You're gonna want to
write that one down.
"Everything under control."
Yeah.
Wow.
I can see that.
It's almost like you don't
even need to establish
the training camps.
There's just one thing.
Shouldn't there
be eight of them?
What?
Well, of course, there is...
four, five, six, seven.
Oh, no.
Big dreamers dream big.
Come on, Elliot.
You can do better than that.
Big dreamers dream big.
I still can't hear you.
Big
dreamers dream big!
That's what
I'm talking about!
Well, don't just stand
there grinning like a fool.
Go!
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
Come on, Elliot.
Go, go.
Move!
14.59 seconds exactly.
Yes!
I finally broke 15 seconds.
127th time's the charm.
Let's hit the salt lick.
Aren't you
forgetting something?
Actually, I thought maybe
we could skip it today?
Oh, sure.
Why not?
Cutting a workout short
never hurt anyone, right?
Exactly.
- Thanks, Hazel.
- Hah.
That's so funny.
What's that thing
coach always says?
"Success trains,
failure complains"?
No, that's not it.
"The moment you
quit is the moment
you let someone else win"?
No!
No, Hazel, no.
That's not it, either.
Oh, I know.
"If it's important,
you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse."
That's it!
Oh, that phrase just popped
in my head so out of the blue.
Isn't that so funny and weird?
Fine.
OK.
Forget I said anything.
I'll do it.
I don't know why we're
bothering with this.
Really, just give
it a decade or two,
and global warming is going to
make this a total non-issue.
Call me crazy, Elliot, but I
don't think our strategy should
be predicated on an ecological
catastrophe from which
the world will never recover.
Well, when you
put it that way...
All right.
OK, good.
Good start.
That's what you always say.
Try dispersing your
weight more evenly.
That's it!
You're doing it!
I... I can't believe it!
It's working!
Uh-oh.
And that, ladies
and goats, is why
Santa's always used reindeer.
Um, a little help here?
Ah, hold your
miniature horses.
What are you two doing
messing with the climate
generator again?
These things are dangerous!
I think I hear Peanut
Butter calling me.
Coming!
They already broke
the off button.
Next thing you
know, they'll bust
the emergency shut down, too.
Ah, coach, you worry too much.
Hey, guess what?
I finally broke 15 seconds!
I mean, yeah, there's still
the whole can't climb a snow
drift issue to contend with.
But if you just
give me a chance,
I know I'd have a shot
at making Santa's team.
I just know it.
Elliot, I can't
understand you.
I'm not one of Santa's elves.
Go on now.
Get!
Goat run's about to start.
Aw, coach, not the goats!
Peanut Butter can handle the...
Goats, Elliot.
- I wanted to show you my moves!
- Now!
Goats.
Goats.
So many goats.
Line up in an orderly fashion.
Oh.
For the love of...
work with me, goats.
Ah, get off me, [INAUDIBLE].
You're late!
And these fool goats
won't herd themselves.
What?
- Who are you calling a fool?
- You!
You great cloven-hooved ninny.
You have
responsibilities, Elliot.
Ugh.
Let's just get this over with.
I should totally be
carbo-loading right now.
I'll have you know
the running of the goats
has been a beloved and
dignified tradition
for more than 25 years!
Heads up, old man!
Oh, yeah, so dignified.
Oh, shut it.
Miss Ludzinka?
Hello.
Didn't we schedule your
walk through for tomorrow?
I come today.
I can
see that, and that's awesome.
It's just I've got
this open house...
Today!
OK, then.
Great chat.
I haven't seen
a crowd like this
since I was but a wee fawn.
This calls for an
inspirational speech.
Oh, man.
Goats of witty
pity, hear me now.
You've come to run
as free gourdes,
and free goats you are.
The old coot's
finally lost it.
You're assuming
he ever had it.
What will you
do with that freedom, goats?
Mm, no.
Ay, goats.
Learn, and you may die.
Goat run, and you'll live...
at least a while.
What kind of a
pep talk is this?
But would
you be willing to trade...
All right.
That's it.
...everything for one
chance to tell your enemies...
...that
they may take our goats,
but they will never
take our goat land!
Jeez, take it
easy, Peanut Butter.
Hello, goat.
Nice duck and
weave, Blueberry.
Thanks!
Yee!
Ha, ha!
Oh!
Uh!
Ah!
Thanks, Elliot.
Oh, I forgot how
good adulation feels.
I'm pretty sure
they're cheering for me.
Yeah.
Keep telling yourself
that, shorty.
There they are, the reindeer.
The reindeer are finally here.
You people love DJ.
Yes you do.
It's true.
DJ is fabulous.
OK, huddle up.
All right.
Good run, guys.
Good run.
Nice work out there.
Hey everyone, I'm all
warmed up and ready to go.
Hey, come on, guys.
Make some room.
Yo, mini man.
I thought I made
myself clear yesterday.
Let him join in, DJ.
We don't mind.
Well, I'm team
captain and I do.
When are you going
to give up, runt?
Because DJ is getting
tired of this.
Oh, I'll never give up,
so DJ better get used to it.
Is that so?
Yeah, it is.
I'll say this, little dude.
Persistence is an admirable
quality, just real admirable.
Thanks, DJ.
I appreciate that.
For a reindeer.
Stinking reindeer.
Think they're so special.
Um, don't look now,
but... what are you doing?
I said not to look.
Hello.
Mhm.
So you, uh, you're
going to eat that?
What?
Ew, no.
Come on, Hazel.
Ew.
God, that is the
worst beef jerky
I've ever tasted in my life.
That's because beef had
nothing to do with it.
Why?
What's it say?
Ludzinka's Llama Sticks.
What the what?
Raised by Mama Llama in
Peru, dehydrated by Ludzinka
in Duluth.
This just in from
Santa's workshop.
The world's been
stunned this holiday
season by a startling turn
of events at the North Pole.
Oh my gosh, it can't be true.
So close to Christmas?
I can confirm the rumor.
Blitzen announced his
retirement late last night,
effective immediately.
Was it a medical emergency?
A family crisis?
Or is he the one behind
Dancer's conscious uncoupling?
Because there has
been talk and photos.
They're everywhere.
Ahem.
The truth is a juice
bar in the Keys
he'd been eyeing for a while
finally came on the market.
Accordingly, we're
calling up our top draft
candidates for an
emergency trial
session starting tomorrow.
You can't possibly
expect to find
a replacement in three days.
Will there even
be a Christmas?
And does Blitzen do a
coldpressed GSI blend?
Because my adrenals have
been sued for sluggish.
No more questions.
Well, what are
you all looking at?
We've got to a trial to get to.
DJ's going big leagues.
DJ's going big leagues.
DJ's going big leagues.
Yes he is, yes he is.
Zip it, rock star.
What's your problem, Clyde?
Why you got to rain
on DJ's parade?
Who said you're our top pick?
Oh I get it.
You want to be a
little more reindeerly.
Mr. Assistant Coach, sir, even
though I'm the number one seed
in the whole entire
world, I humbly
ask that you choose
me for the honor, nay,
the privilege to
serve as the Witty
Bitty Farm's representative
at the North Pole tryouts.
the privilege to
serve as the Witty
Bitty Farm's representative
at the North Pole tryouts.
But only if it pleases you,
you're most gracious immanence.
Please, Mr. Assistant Coach?
He promises to be a good boy.
Knock it off, all of you.
Why Santa insists on
working with reindeer,
when any other animal could do
a better job, I'll never know.
And if Coach understood
even half the trash
you nimwits talk, he'd agree.
Did you hear that, Hazel?
This is my chance
to prove I'm just as
good as any stinking reindeer.
Good luck.
So the housing market's
pretty crazy in the North Pole,
- isn't it?
- Elliot, what are you doing?
Demonstrating a hairpin turn.
Why?
Hey, Coach, check it out.
Stopping on a dime.
There's a shortage
of housing I hear.
I'm even amazing
in reverse, Coach.
Elliot, stop.
But I've been
training so hard, Clyde.
If you and Coach would
just give me a chance.
Well, looky looky.
Little horse is trying out.
Oh man, DJ couldn't ask for
a funner humiliation himself.
Nice form.
- Little guy's not half bad.
- What?
Not again.
Get him back to the goat
pin, would you, old fella?
I don't have time for any
more of his antics today.
Coach, wait.
You don't see me run
the tire course yet.
Coach, please.
Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Elliot, you OK in there?
He didn't even notice me.
What a loser.
No you didn't.
You wouldn't want to be
a part of this anyway, kid.
Go back to the goats, buddy.
Let him go.
Go lock in.
We've got to go lock in.
Aw, Elliot.
Twas a solid effort, lad.
Yeah, thanks.
But that's what
you get for trying
to be something you're not.
Well, pardon me for wanting
to do something with my life.
Are you implying my
life isn't important?
To think I thought you'd
take over for me one day.
You don't deserve the honor
of overseeing the goat run.
Nobody cares about the
goat run or the mini horses
in charge of it.
Pst.
Hey Elliot, wake up.
Just get up.
Come on.
Hazel?
What are you doing?
Oh, you know, just
heading up the back nine.
Want to play buck a ball?
You're golfing?
I'm stuck.
Help me.
Wait.
You're not going to
eat that, are you?
Oh, how dare you.
That is a vicious stereotype.
I have never eaten a
tin can in my life.
OK, fine.
I'm a goat and I eat
tin cans, all right?
Can you please stop
judging me now?
I am vulnerable.
What do you need me to do?
Um, pull.
Whoa, easy.
You're going to
have to go get that.
It's your can.
You get it.
Fine, we'll do it together.
Big baby.
1, 2, 3.
Quick, grab it.
Ew.
Young man, no
wife, no childrens.
To own a petting
zoo is weird to me.
Yeah, OK.
Well, like I said, I inherited
the place from my grandparents.
You sure you'll be able to give
them a good home, Ms. Ludzinka?
No need worry.
I give my animals only the best,
organic feed, insulated pins.
I keep them very
happy and tenderized.
Sorry, did you say tenderized?
Tenderhearted.
Forgive me.
My English, not so good.
Sure you're
not throwing reindeer.
I like reindeer.
Good and gamey.
They are good at games.
I mean, I love to play
different games with my friends.
The reindeer are the
future of this place.
No, only the petting zoo
animals are for sale.
OK.
I already make you a good offer,
better than anyone else's,
I'm sure.
Actually, you made
the only offer, so.
You're not so good at
bargaining thing, huh?
What do you mean?
Oh, nothing.
Nothing.
Shake hand.
We have deal.
We'll finalize the
paperwork when I get back.
Ooh.
Moist, very moist hand.
Peanutbutter, wake up.
What are you two
dunderheads doing in my stall
at this unholy hour?
Coach is selling
us, Peanutbutter.
To a crazy lady.
Who dehydrates
llamas in Duluth.
So he's finally found a buyer?
You know about this and
you didn't try to stop it?
What happened to
glory and honor?
What happened to
never taking our goat run.
One thing has nothing
to do with the other.
It's time to stop fighting
what you are and accept
your station, Elliot.
Life's easier that way.
You get Ignacio,
I'll get the goats.
You wouldn't last
a day in the wild.
Well, that's longer than
we'd last in a dehydrator.
We're not running away, Hazel.
Of course we're running away.
What else could we possibly do?
Are we about to commit a crime?
It's a gray area.
Because I've always thought
I'd make an excellent saboteur.
Sabotage isn't exactly
what I had in mind.
Mi,
mi, mi, mi, mi.
Oh, what a DJing morning.
Oh, what a DJing day.
Everybody now.
We've
got a DJing feeling.
Everything's DJ today.
You know, DJ's going
to miss you all when
he's working with the big man.
Aw, we're going
to miss you too, DJ.
Oh, DJ didn't really mean it.
He was just being polite.
See you on the
other side, suckers.
Shut that thing, Hazel.
I'm serious, quiet.
I'm trying.
I think I got it this time.
Purring like a kitten.
What is the matter with you?
It's no big deal, I just...
uh.
What is going on?
I just maybe, probably, really
shouldn't have eaten that can.
Third time's the charm.
Yes.
Now hurry up and get in
before she stalls again.
Oh, make it stop.
You look really bad.
Got to get that can through
the old duodenum, you know?
Um, no.
You're right.
Things could get messy,
cornering the small intestine.
That's only happened a
couple of times in the past.
What?
All right, Sherlock.
It was five times.
OK, six.
Fine, seven.
I've had complications
in the small intestine
as a result of ingesting
cans eight times in the past.
But you never know how
things will shake out.
A ruminants gastrointestinal
tract is full of surprises.
What happened to the engine?
We're going to have to
make an emergency landing.
We're all going to die.
What are you doing?
Are you trying to
hit that tree, Coach?
Hazel.
Help me.
Come on, Hazel.
Reach.
Hazel.
Wow, well how about that?
What?
That can just shook
itself right out.
This is where reindeer
become heroes, boys.
Nice ride.
You make that thing out
of your grandpappy's old car
and some salvage tractor parts?
Yeah, why?
I'm flying corporate
or nothing from now on.
I am not even kidding.
Oh, nibbles.
Let's chow.
No, forget it.
We have to register while
the others are distracted.
Not even a carrot?
Come on.
I'm so hungry.
Whoohoo.
That's my boys.
Walter Wittick III, right?
Do I know you?
I don't think so.
Cause you look exactly
like my next girlfriend.
I'm Walter Wittick, yes.
Oh yeah, you're the
team from the petting
zoo, the Witty Bitty Farm.
Wittick's Reindeer
Training Camp, actually.
We're rebranding.
Aren't you some
kind of minor league
baseball star or something?
Youngest shortstop
ever drafted.
Ooh, impressive.
I bet you'll be called up
to the majors any day now.
Oh, yeah.
Major league baseball isn't
all it's cracked up to be.
I decided to do something
important with my life,
something truly fulfilling,
you know, for the kids.
How noble.
That's just the
kind of guy I am,
noble, magnanimous, benevolent.
I could go on.
I'm sure you could.
The thing is I heard
you got sidelined
by a case of the yips.
What?
Word is you woke up
one day and completely
lost your ability to throw
the ball to first base.
Poof, like you
never had it at all.
That's not... where did you...
I mean, OK, also
dude, the yips is
not the preferred nomenclature.
Misplaced focus, please.
You couldn't hit a ball
10 feet in front of you
to save your life.
That only happened
the one time.
Sure it did.
Good like out there, sport star.
That could have gone better.
Oh man, this is perfect.
Everyone in the world
is going to want
to visit the petting zoo
that produced Santa's
first non-reindeer reindeer.
Coach will make
so much money, he
won't have to sell us anymore.
And all you have to do is
beat 20 of the world's toughest
contenders in a
grueling three-day
- competition to make it happen.
- Next.
Where's your human?
He's busy in the...
uh, you know what?
I'd look to check
in a player, please.
I'm only permitted
to deal with humans.
It's a union thing.
His name's Elliot.
That is E-L-L-I-O-T-E?
At least, I think
there's an E on the end.
Literacy's never really
been my strong point.
Seriously, g get your human.
He's allergic to tree nuts.
Best to take it easy
on the dairy, too.
Since you're obviously
never going to leave, fine.
Name and feeder farm
before I change my mind.
Yeah.
So again, his name
is Elliot, and we
are an independent entry.
You got a wild card then?
Did I mention he
has a nut allergy?
I'll take that as a no.
Once you see what he can do...
Oh, for the love of Keebler.
If it will hurry you up,
show me this player of yours.
Tada.
You want to enter a pony
in the North Pole tryouts?
- I am a miniature...
- Next.
What are we
going to do, Hazel?
If I can't register,
I can't compete.
No, no, no.
It's all big misunderstanding.
We warned you about the extra
magic cookies, Moshennika.
Gentlemen, be reasonable.
I'm sure we can work this out.
Bribing Santa's helpers, Uri.
Ugh, how do you sleep at night?
Enjoy the naughty list.
Ooh.
Ah, Hazel, you don't
even know what that is.
Blech, ugh.
Standard 65 pound cardstock
flavored with number 12 ink?
I'm number 12 ink intolerant.
What?
It's a thing.
Hazel, you are a genius.
I know.
What's it say?
Follow me.
Can you just read it to me?
Mm.
Mhm.
This is some quality produce.
Hello, Junior.
Oh, hey dad.
Didn't realize you'd
make it to the tryouts.
How are things
with the Brittle...
what's that place called again?
Wittick's Witty Bitty
Farm, which you'd know
if you ever bothered to visit.
Yes.
Well, oh dear.
Good luck, son.
Oh and Junior...
Yeah dad?
Try not to embarrass me, OK?
- Say hello to Glitzen.
- Glitzen?
What kind of a name is Glitzen?
Weren't you just here?
Are you going to
sign us in or do I have
to go over your head on this?
Ahem.
Do we have a problem
here, Joleen?
This goat's
pulling a fast one.
I've got a wild card
and I've got a player.
How is that a fast one?
This is your player?
We're blown.
- He knows.
- He doesn't know.
- Stop talking.
- He totally knows.
Go ahead, sign him in.
What?
He's below regulation
weight and height.
He doesn't have a human,
and I'm almost positive I
checked in all the wild cards.
Who gives the
orders around here?
You do, sir.
Then sign him in.
Thanks.
It's going to be a long day.
I knew I shouldn't have
picked up this shift.
I guess we should
try to find out
who your main competition is.
Oh, oh DJ all the way.
Ugh, aside from the obvious.
Oh, I already know.
There's Heinrich
the Dutch Dream.
Oh [INAUDIBLE]
Svetlana the Polish
Punisher and her best friend,
Olga the Swedish Destroyer.
Then we've got the
Canadian, a.k.a.
- Sasha Second Place.
- Ouch.
Watch it, Dutch boy.
Dang.
What is her problem?
Huge chip on her shoulder.
Dad, grandma, and great
uncle all second picks
at previous tryouts.
Lot of pressure to
break the family curse.
All right,
everybody, pipe down.
Ahem, welcome, one and all.
Santa is delighted you
made the long journey
and is blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
OK, here's the deal.
We've got three days to
find our next Blitzen.
Of course, when we
set up this system,
we envisioned a
much longer process.
But since your predecessor
proved like so many before him
that reindeer are
unreliable, self-absorbed,
ego maniacal
quitters who possess
nary a hint of
social responsibility
nor personal honor...
Who do you think you are?
Not all reindeer, man.
This guy is amazing.
Oh, I see.
You're under the impression that
reindeers are noble creatures.
Hey, I've got a good idea.
How about I enlighten you to
the way things really are?
It all started in 1953 when
Dixen decided to have a family
and move to the suburbs.
Now, I'll be the first to admit
the Dixen thing caught us off
guard.
Of course, our real mistake was
thinking that it was a fluke.
Because 14 years later, along
comes a little movement known
as "flower power,"
and Comet takes off
to some ashram to find himself.
Then in 1988, Cupid
defected to Moscow
after falling in
love again, this time
with a little Siberian number
by the name of Vladlena,
on Christmas Eve, no
less, which brings us
to last year's incident
when Prancer decided
he needed some "me" time.
I mean, have you ever heard
such self-absorbed baloney
in all your life?
Oh, wait.
Look who I'm talking to.
Of course you have.
Wait a minute.
Are you kidding me?
Save your whining for
the sports psychologist.
The point is, punks, it's
no longer just about skill.
We're looking for strength of
character, integrity, loyalty,
qualities that seemed to
have eluded your species
for quite some time.
Now, get out of here.
First event starts in
the main field in five.
Oh, oh DJ all the way.
Hey, hey DJ all the way.
Hm.
Hey, Little League tryouts
were last week, small fry.
Good one.
Question, though.
Are you looking
forward to coming
in second again, JD Canuck?
Oh.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
I was only trying to...
I'm just messing
with you, tiny.
Would you two keep it down?
DJ's trying to get himself
in the zone over here.
All right, folks.
This ain't rocket science.
First 10 get to stick
around for tomorrow's event.
The rest of you, bye bye.
Take your marks.
Go DJ, go.
- Wind up your knees, head down.
- Huh?
This is just another goat run.
Come on, Glitzen,
you can do this.
You do this every day.
Duck and weave, Glitzen.
What?
Duck and weave.
Look at DJ go.
Those clowns never had a chance.
Enough of this nonsense.
There's a footy match against
the old enemy on channel 3.
Hey.
Did somebody order
a Spanish meatball?
Get out of there, Glitzen.
Go.
Move.
Oh my goat.
What?
That little reindeer looks
just like you, Peanutbutter.
- [INAUDIBLE]
- He's got it.
He's got it.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
DJ loves himself.
DJ.
You see that?
The training camp
is going to pay off.
Man, your boy's got some legs.
He just broke your
record, right?
Not even close.
Yes, yes.
[INAUDIBLE] in your face.
Elliot, that was amazing.
Can you believe it, Hazel?
I did it.
I actually made it through.
What are you two doing here?
Uh-oh.
Do we know each other?
I'm pretty sure
we've met, Elliot.
Nice hat, Hazel.
Please don't tell
Coach we're here, Clyde.
Give me one good
reason why not.
Because I can do this.
Did you see that?
I made the cut.
Dead last on qualifier.
You must be so proud.
OK, yeah, I was last.
But did you see me out there?
I was on fire.
Sloppy footwork,
appalling technique,
and a total disregard
for presentation.
Some fire.
Yeah?
Well, what do you know?
You're just a cranky, old draft
horse whose pulled one too many
kegs.
Forget I said anything.
You'll make a perfect reindeer.
OK, time to hit the buffet.
Uh, we should just
go home and take
our chances with the meat lady.
Oh yeah, sure.
Let's quit now, give
up on everything
you've been working
your entire life for.
Great plan.
I'm serious.
Sure you are.
Athletes.
Wait a second.
Where is everyone?
Hey, Glitzen.
You coming to the after party?
Ooh, is that where
they serve dessert?
Is there a chocolate fountain?
Reindeer only, sorry.
I'm not really
in a party mood.
Why not?
You were amazing today.
I was?
Are you kidding?
I just saw the replay.
That duck and weave
bit was awesome.
Oh, actually, that was...
Just a little reindeer
move I came up with back
at the reindeer
training camp, you
know with the other
reindeer, like me.
Excuse me?
Well, come on then.
Don't just stand
there looking short.
OK, yeah.
Yeah, you're right, Sasha.
A party sounds
like a great idea.
Enjoy the buffet, Hazel.
So this is like a
Christmas party?
Um, not exactly.
Younglings, welcome.
We've got food,
beverages, flea dip.
Um, is that the North Pole?
Yeah.
We steal it every year.
What's that stuff all over it?
Butter.
- Makes it good and slippery.
- Oh.
You two want to give it a try?
Do we have a choice?
What do you think we are, a
couple of heartless monsters?
Because you would be right.
Come on now.
Come on.
Have fun, y'all.
Huh?
Come on, come on.
Where is it?
I know I saw it
around here somewhere.
That must be where
we get the dessert.
Man, are you kidding me?
No one can win this thing.
Seriously, where's
an opposable thumb
when you need it?
No one can win.
No one.
Dude, speak English.
You know DJ doesn't
understand Korean.
He's Dutch, you idiot.
Hey, I know what to do.
I think DJ knows Korean
when he hears it, Sasha.
Listen, I have an idea.
No, she is right.
I am Dutch.
Guys, we're all losers.
Excuse me?
You said it yourself, DJ.
This is impossible.
But if someone doesn't get
that hat down, we all lose.
All of us as a group.
Some might even call it a team.
Do you see where
I'm going with this?
Oh, I see.
Let's do this.
Whoa, hold on.
What just... I don't get it.
Are you wearing
[INAUDIBLE] shoes, man?
Ow.
Ow.
Watch it.
Oh man, I love
being a reindeer.
Good to know,
considering you've
been one your entire life.
Oh yeah, right.
No, I'm just saying being
a reindeer is awesome.
Whoa, hold up.
Do I know you, little dude?
Me?
No.
No, we just met, remember?
Yeah, but you're
looking awfully
familiar all of a sudden.
Oh, is that my
coach calling me?
I should go.
That was weird.
Something's not right, Sasha.
I know it.
Oh wow.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, the kitchen must be behind
all these shiny new sleighs.
What are you doing back here?
Oh hello, good sir.
Would you be so kind as to
direct me to the ladies room?
So sorry, Madam, I cannot.
Because you're a goat.
You're not authorized
to be here, either.
Would someone please
tell me what is going on?
Sugar plum, there you are.
I've been looking
all over for you.
I've got a bag of dog treats
in my purse if you play along.
Lady, do I look
like I eat Kibble?
My, my, Lemon Drop.
What is all this?
It's how the North Pole keeps
up with the rest of the world.
And it's supposed to be
top secret, by the way,
so if you do not mind.
It's just there sure a lot
of mechanical sleigh in here.
Seriously, this
place is packed.
And I always thought they
were manufactured exclusively
for the training farms.
Oh yeah, that is right.
They sure are.
And yet here we stand in
the heart of the North Pole,
surrounded by a
veritable suite of them.
Hey, she's right.
What gives, elf?
Care to comment?
Well, I...
I suppose we couldn't expect
to keep it a secret forever.
Keep what a secret?
How we survived the
Prancer crisis, of course.
How do you think Santa handled
a typhoon, two blizzards,
and the worst fog the
eastern seaboard had ever
seen with his team down a man?
Everyone knows last year
was an outright disaster.
The one thing Santa
didn't do was handle it.
Of course he handled it.
He was just a little late.
A little?
Try seven hours.
The candy
cane has cracked.
I repeat, the candy
cane has cracked.
Move, move, move.
We did what we had to do
and we got the job done.
These sleighs are
something else.
No need to be fed or groomed.
Don't need any
sleep or exercise.
100% hassle-free.
I love technology.
Not more than you love
the reindeer, though, right?
Oh yeah, no.
Of course not.
I love the reindeers.
They're so much fun.
So this is, what,
a backup system?
Sure.
OK.
A backup system.
That... that's a...
a good phrase.
Now, if you don't mind.
He's a terrible liar.
Yup.
So how about those dog treats?
Oh, you promised
you'd stop doing that.
I saw something really
strange last night, Elliot.
Last night.
Oh, man.
Lemon Drop's got
this secret lab.
You should have
been there, Hazel.
Full of mechanical sleighs.
There was reindeer.
I think he's up to something.
And butter.
Elliot, stop yapping
about the stupid reindeer
and listen to me.
Reindeer aren't stupid.
Uh, excuse me?
They're actually pretty great.
They're great?
I mean even DJ is OK
once you get to know him.
OK, fine.
Let's say they can be
nice to other reindeer.
How do you think they're
going to react when
you take off those antlers?
Maybe I won't have to.
What are you
even talking about?
I just mean I
might not even win,
so there's no point in worrying
about any of that right now.
I have to get to the gym before
all the machines are taken.
I'll see you later, Hazel.
You don't look like a reindeer
ready for his first flight.
DJ's got the sniffles,
and it's freezing out there.
You're a reindeer, DJ.
You're genetically
built for the cold.
So that's it.
After all our work, everything
Coach has done for you,
you're going to throw
it all away over a cold?
It is what it is, old man.
I expect you on the
main field in 20 minutes.
Excuse me.
OK, big guy, make some room.
OK, if you could just move your
giant butt two inches to the...
OK, all right, that's it.
I am done playing.
Ooh, look at that.
Nice.
Yo, Malik.
You forgot the milk.
Well, well, well.
Look at you, my lovelies.
Gee, I wonder what
that sign says.
Meh, how important could it be?
Reading is overrated.
He's sick.
After everything
we've worked for?
No, no, no, no, no.
He wouldn't get up
for you, either?
This can't be happening.
Everything OK, gentlemen?
Great.
I can see the headline now,
number 1 seed has the yips.
Reindeer trainer slash failed
baseball star loses everything.
Perfect.
That's actually
a little wordy.
What am I going to do?
You're right.
He's fine.
It's going to be totally fine.
It's all fine.
Sure sounds like it.
I need some air.
Your boy's wound a
little tight, huh?
You have no idea.
Hairpin turn.
Candy canes.
Keep your knees in
line with your hooves.
Are you talking to me?
You see anybody else
wrecking the field
with their sloppy technique?
It's not that bad.
OK, fine.
Maybe I am.
Knees, hooves, try it.
Try it again.
Ha ha, eat that.
Give it up, grandpa.
DJ's done.
Rest assured, your grandfather
would never have tolerated
this kind of behavior.
Get up, Junior.
I can't, dad.
I'm sick.
Nonsense.
- You're afraid of flying.
- Nuh-huh.
DJ's not afraid of flying.
DJ's not afraid of anything.
OK, fine, but it's not
like I chose to be a wuss.
What do you want me to do?
The only way to overcome any
fear is to face it head on.
How did I know you'd say that?
I heard an extra cookie
or two never hurt, either.
Huh?
An extra cookie?
Isn't that kind of cheating?
I warned you about
embarrassing me, Junior.
OK, dad.
Anything you say.
Now, did everyone get one
of Mrs. Claus's cookies?
Apparently, we had a mix-up
in this morning's count.
Rookies.
All right, hold on
to your butts, folks.
These puppies don't
take long to kick in.
Hello?
Huh?
Ignacio?
What are you doing here?
And why are you so small?
What the... huh?
What is
happening to me?
I shouldn't have
eaten those cookies.
I am ashamed.
OK, OK, OK.
There's got to be
another way out here.
Aha.
Wait, what?
DJ?
Is this actually happening?
The chained monkey
flies at midnight.
DJ's a cheat.
Yes, I did it, finally.
You're up, DJ.
DJ?
Last call for DJ.
I can't believe this.
He choked.
He totally choked.
This is a disaster.
Well, looks like we have our
first disqualification, folks.
Hold up.
Hold up.
Hold up.
- DJ right here.
- Yeah.
Oh no.
I'm going to barf.
Yes.
Yes.
You're up, Glitzen.
Good luck trying to beat that.
Come on, Blitzen.
You can do it.
OK, big dreamers dream big.
You can do it.
OK, big dreamers dream big.
Big dreamers dream big.
Elliot, you won't
believe what I...
That little guy's
got some moves.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
No one puts DJ in the corner.
Nice work, Glitzen.
Oh, thanks, Sasha.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, well, enjoy
it while you can.
I plan on eviscerating
you tomorrow.
Um, what happened
to your antlers?
They're all wonky.
Hold up.
Hold up.
What's she doing here?
I knew there was something
off about that little dude.
The jig is up, goat.
You two fraudsters
have been caught.
You're one to talk.
You're a cheater.
What did you just call me?
You heard me,
you're a cheater.
Oh, look at that.
I'm down.
I'm finally... oh come on.
Hazel, what's going on?
What is that hideous creature?
Oh man.
Elliot, is that you?
Glitzen?
What's the deal, [INAUDIBLE]?
You're trying to
pull one over on us?
Did you know
about this, Walter?
Me?
Of course not.
Well, this is certainly a
first, a pony at the North Pole
- tryouts.
- Hes' a miniature horse.
And he's the least
of your problems.
What's that supposed to mean?
DJ is a cheater.
I saw him.
He ate two extra cookies.
That is an
outrageous, slanderous,
and egregious falsehood.
DJ's never cheated
a day in his life.
Then how come you're the
only reindeer still in the air?
I think it's time DJ paid
a visit to the medical tent.
OK, fine.
DJ may have eaten an
extra cookie or two.
But what's the big deal?
As long as you find
someone to pull the sleigh,
what's it matter how they do it?
You're right.
Why not let tiny horses
pretend to be reindeer?
Or have reindeer ingest
controlled substances?
Oh, here's a thought.
Rather than leaving
presents for children,
Santa just burglars
their homes instead.
We'll increase our bottom
line and let the old man
unleash his inner criminal.
It's a win-win.
Santa's got an inner criminal?
Would one of you elves
please tell us humans
what these animals are saying?
They're letting
me down, as usual.
Oh, sir.
What a surprise.
Tell me you've kept
the mechanical sleighs in
good working order, Lemon Drop.
Of course, sir, tip-top.
Why?
Because these
tryouts are over.
I'm disqualifying
every one everyone
and canceling all
further events.
Sir, if I may.
You may not.
I know how hard you've
worked to make these tryouts
a successful, old
friend, but this
has been a long time coming.
I love all of my reindeer,
but I can no longer
allow personal attachments
to blind me to the reality
of what they've become.
Therefore, it is
with heavy heart
that I have decided
to end my association
with reindeer forever.
We have to put the
children of the world first.
You two ruin everything.
Centuries of matches
down the drain.
We've been working for
this for years, years.
Quiet.
No one is more shocked
by this than me.
However, Santa has
made his decision
and we must abide by his wishes.
Now, if you'll excuse me, we
have preparations to make.
Oh, and Merry Christmas.
You did this.
What am I supposed
to tell my kids?
What kind of sicko
pretends to be a reindeer?
Hang on.
Oh.
So that did not go the
way I thought it would.
Oh.
Well, how did you
expect things to go
when you stole those cookies?
It's not like there was a
sign on them saying not to...
oh, reading.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
You ruined everything, Hazel.
Did you see the way the reindeer
looked at me back there?
Elliot, reindeer are jerks.
They've always been jerks and
they always will be jerks.
Even Santa understands
that, Santa.
But they all hate me now.
Oh, who cares what they think?
Have you've forgotten
why we're here?
To save our friends.
As soon as we get
home, we'll round
everyone up and hit the road.
At least we've got each other.
That's what counts, isn't it?
Isn't it, Elliot?
I don't anything anymore.
Ow.
I suppose you want a comment
from the idiot coach who
somehow missed the fact
that he had not one, but two
cheating players on his roster.
Well, newsflash, I
got nothing for you.
I actually wanted to
see how you were doing.
Guess I got my answer.
I'm sorry.
I'm just...
You could always go back
to baseball, you know?
There are ways to
deal with a yi...
misplaced focus.
You were good.
Not good enough.
If it's important,
you'll find a way.
If not...
You'll find an excuse.
Where have I heard that before?
It's time to face facts.
I failed baseball,
and now I'm going
to lose the training camp, too.
So you're giving
up, just like that?
Good luck, Walter, with
whatever you decide to do.
Elliot, I've been
looking all over for you.
Come on, it's time to go.
Coach, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean...
Come on now, get.
Thanks for getting back
to me, Ms. Ludzinka.
What did I just say?
I didn't mean you, Ms. Ludzinka.
Listen, I just faxed you
the signed bill of sale,
so you can pick up the
animals any time you like.
- What?
- Sure.
Tonight works.
Tonight?
And I changed my mind
about the reindeer.
You can have them, too.
So this is how it all ends
for me, abhorred in the Arctic,
dehydrated in Duluth.
I wish I could figure out
who gave DJ the cookies.
You wouldn't happen to
know the answer to that,
would you, Sugarplum?
I sure do, a masked elf
with a bad wrist tattoo.
I can't believe I'm
about to say this,
but I really wish
I could speak goat.
How about you?
Want to do an interview?
Give my readers an elf's
perspective on the whole
Santa quits the reindeer thing?
My boss has
specifically forbidden
us from talking to the press.
It would be strictly
off the record.
You don't get it.
Things are so tight
around here, I
can't drop a chocolate
kiss without Lemon
Drop's permission.
You feel me?
Ew.
You mind?
Whatever.
It's only food.
The chained monkey
flies at midnight.
You don't say?
Come on, lady.
It's time you learned
to speak goat.
You do realize we're
at the North Pole
in the dead of winter, right?
Your point is?
Guys, where's Hazel?
We assumed she was with you.
We have to find
her, right now.
You're that anxious to get
back to your sad, little life,
mini man?
I won't have a life
to get back to if we
don't get home before sundown.
None of us will.
What are you talking about?
I don't have time to explain.
Then I suggest you make time.
Green.
Click the green.
Click it.
It's green.
The green one.
Unright.
Unright the click.
Unright.
I'm clicking.
Uh, have you ever even
used a computer before?
Never used mainframe
previous, although that now.
Either this translation
program sucks,
or you are completely insane.
Listen lady, goat is a complex
language with multiple layers
of subtext.
Of to fraulein.
The complicated
tongue of the goat
displays many floors
between the lines.
She's going to
turn DJ into what?
She's a monster.
Goat, OK, I can see that.
And a horse, well sure.
But who'd eat a reindeer?
Scandinavians.
Scanda who now?
You know, Nordic
countries, world's largest
consumers of reindeer meat.
They say reindeer is
healthier than fish,
low in fat, high in protein,
and apparently real, real tasty.
Mm-mm.
Oh.
DJ don't feel so good.
Guys, focus.
Where is Hazel
most likely to be?
Don't worry, reindeer's
barely a step above worm.
This will be a piece of cake.
Hey there, what
can I do you for?
Hey there,
what can I do you for?
What did I tell you?
Let's just cut to the
chase, my sunkissed friend.
What's the deal with
the sudden retirement?
That sounded important.
It wasn't sudden.
I dreamed of owning a
juice bar for years.
So it was all your idea then?
Nobody ordered you to go.
Nobody like, say, Lemon Drop?
Ordered me?
Lemon Drop?
No way.
He's never been anything
but a 100% supportive.
Define supportive.
I can't find her anywhere.
Well, we'll have to leave her.
It's every animal for
themselves from here on it.
What is this, the Thunderdome?
We're not leaving anyone.
Are we ready for the test
run of the sleighs, Lemon Drop?
Just clearing the field, sir.
Is Rusty all ready to go?
He'll need a few minutes.
Even a
state-of-the-art climate
generator needs to warm up.
Are you sure
about this, Nicki?
The reindeer has been such a big
part of your life for so long.
The sleighs are
the future, Karina.
At least they're
going to have to be.
I just have this
nagging feeling
we're missing something.
Oh ho.
Would you look at that?
Can I get you two any
refreshments before we begin?
Maybe some tea, cake perhaps?
Why not some
cookies, Lemon Drop?
You seem to be pretty
good at giving those out.
Am I supposed to understand
what you're talking about?
Can it, elf.
We know everything.
Hazel, we have to go.
- The meat lady...
- Shush.
Not now, Elliot.
What is going on here?
Lemon Drop was
the one who supplied
DJ with the extra cookies.
That's absurd.
I was here, working
my hands to the bone.
You may have used Jolene
as your delivery girl,
but the cookies came from you.
Is this true, Lemon Drop?
That's not even
the half of it.
Show him, Sugarplum.
What are you doing, Hazel?
Oh, nothing much.
Just, you know,
saving Christmas.
Lemon Drop found
me the real estate
listening for my juice bar.
He loaned me the money
for the down payment.
The little guy even
helped me pack.
It's almost like
he knew I wanted
a juice bar before I did.
I mean that was just weird.
The truth is Lemon Drop
orchestrated every reindeer
retirement since 1953.
That's preposterous.
Cue the surveillance
footage, Sugarplum.
Surveillance footage?
You use the naughty or
nice technology on us, too?
I want kids.
Of course I do.
I just...
Thought you could
put it off forever?
Oh, honey, tick tock.
What?
She was 503.
Am I wrong?
But what about what
Comet wants, man?
What about what Comet needs?
You need to take some
time to figure out
the answer to the most important
question of all, brother,
who is Comet?
That... that proves nothing.
Passport, rubles, and a
one-way ticket to Moscow.
Go get her, tiger.
Wow, that was incredible.
Oh, wait till I show
them the Prancer footage.
Please don't.
It's a super secret foot
race around the world.
First contest to post a
selfie from every capitol city
and get 10 million likes wins.
YOLO.
Prancer still
hasn't come back.
Oh, for heaven's sakes, I
was only trying to help you.
By tricking me into throwing
away centuries of tradition?
I want you gone by the end
of the day, Lemon Drop.
You, too, Jolene.
OK.
You're firing me?
Go ahead.
But you'll see, the reindeer
will let you down again.
The sleighs are the only
way to protect Christmas.
They're the answer to
your problem, buddy.
When did bringing joy to
the children of the world
become a problem?
When their population
reached almost a billion.
How can one man and
eight dim-witted reindeer
possibly be expected to keep up?
Well, we've managed so far.
Only because of me, me.
I'm the one who
manages logistics.
I'm the one who
oversees production.
I'm the one who
updates technology.
Me.
The only reason you can pull off
any of this is because of me.
Lemon Drop, what
are you doing?
Let's see how your precious
reindeer hold up to this.
No.
Everybody take cover.
Nicholas, where are you going?
Have to turn off machine.
[INAUDIBLE]
We have to get out of here.
Hazel.
Let go.
You're the boss.
What have you done?
Something I should have
done a long time ago.
No.
Hazel.
Don't worry, Glitzen.
We've got this.
Sit down, mini man.
Somebody help me.
No, no, no.
Oh, this is very frightening.
Have to save at least one.
Oh, sugar cookie.
No.
Come on, Sasha.
Help me.
Do I look like I can
be of assistance to you
at this moment?
Hazel.
We got to go.
What are you doing?
Let me go.
I have to save her.
It's too late.
We have to get everyone
out of there, now.
It's got an emergency
shutdown, just like home.
Mini man, are you crazy?
Glitzen?
Elliot.
You saved us.
Not all of us.
Oh, mini man.
What is that?
Is that?
Hazel?
She's heading straight
for the fissure.
Hold on, Hazel.
Elliot, that was amazing.
I had no idea you could do that.
Seriously, that
was incredible.
You ate that snowbank
like it was breakfast.
Just a little trick I
learned from my best friend.
What's on the menu
tonight, Mount Kilimanjaro?
Wait a second, tonight?
Oh man, tonight.
We have to go.
The meat lady comes tonight.
Meat lady?
Wait, what's this
about a meat lady?
Next place better have Wi-Fi.
That's right,
goats, nice and easy.
Hm.
Put that down.
I'm scared, Peanutbutter.
Now, now, child.
Oh.
I like you, little horse.
I like you very much.
She's ignoring my calls.
I was an idiot to
ever trust that woman.
You can't give up
on us now, Coach.
If it's important,
you'll find a way.
What did you just say, Walter?
If it's important,
you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse.
Well, I don't know
about you guys,
but I'm done with excuses.
If that meat lady thinks
she can hurt my animals,
she's got another thing coming.
Come on, guys.
Let's go save our petting zoo.
Yeah, Coach, yeah.
Let's kick some
meat lady butt.
Hey, um, would you
mind if I tagged along?
Sounds like there might be
one heck of a story here.
Hop on in.
Dang it, not now.
Wait, I know what to do.
You wouldn't mind giving
DJ and me some cookies,
would you, Santa?
The two of us are a lot more
reliable than any sleigh.
Well, of course, Elliot, but
I'd rather hoped you'd stay.
Huh?
We have a
competition to finish.
You still want me to compete?
I may have been a little hasty
in my decision before that...
all right, I was
definitely hasty.
I understand why you
did what you did.
Me too, Santa?
No, DJ, not you.
But you're welcome
to try out next time.
Everybody deserves
a second chance.
So Elliot, what do you say?
Don't worry, mini man.
I'll take care of
everything back home.
You stay and compete.
You earned it.
This is your chance, Elliot.
This is it.
Thanks, Santa, but my friends
are more important to me.
Besides, Sasha would
have beaten me, anyways.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Turning my animals into lunch
meat wasn't part of the deal.
This is fraud.
I'm calling the sheriff.
I've got a contact at
the state troopers office.
I never should have left.
I should have stayed
to help my friends.
What was that?
Blueberry.
Make it stop.
Creepy goat eyes
drill hole in my soul.
Make it stop.
What is even happening?
They've gone full goat.
No one can withstand
the full goat.
Wait.
Where's...
Laddy.
Peanutbutter?
What are you doing here, boy?
I thought for sure you'd be
working for Santa by now.
And I thought you'd
be a horse burger.
Hold your tongue.
A miniature horse
is nobody's burger.
But I'm glad you're black.
The place hasn't been
the same without you
and your cloven-hoof ninny.
Ew.
Tell me all about your
North Pole adventure.
No more of the goat.
I go anywhere you like,
just no more goat.
Can you believe she's
wanted in three states?
Who knows how many
animals you saved tonight.
Ho, ho, ho.
You did it, Sasha.
You won.
We didn't expect to
see you tonight, Santa.
Yes, well it seems we still
have an opening on the team.
I don't get what you mean.
Dad, what's going on?
It appears you weren't the
only one Lemon Drop had been
supplying extra cookies to, DJ.
What?
The thing is, Junior,
a fear of flying actually
runs in the family.
Donner admitted
everything after you left.
I'm sorry, son,
for everything.
I hope you can forgive me.
You want to
check out my stall?
It's got a pretty good view.
So Elliot...
Oh, laddie, this is it.
Oh my gosh, it's
really happening.
Oh, I'm getting all teary-eyed.
Zip it, both of you.
You're ruining his big moment.
Ssh, guys.
You were saying, Santa?
My team and I were
hoping you were still
interested in the position.
Really?
Really.
I don't know, I've got a
lot of responsibilities here.
These goats won't
hurt themselves.
Laddie, are you having a go?
Merry Christmas to all.
And to all a good night.
Bye, Elliot.
Have a great flight.
Good bye, laddie.
Now that's a story.
Everybody loves an
underdog, or horse, I guess,
in this case.
I mean it.
People are going to
really respond to this.
You might want to think
about sprucing this place up.
Oh yeah?
I have a feeling that
after this story gets out,
your Witty Bitty is going
to get pretty popular.
First
you learn to crawl.
Who do I turn to if
I just hit the wall?
Walking through fire over
a wire, mired in doubt.
Feels like I'm
running in quicksand,
sinking in the crowd.
I'm light on my feet.
Always stand at the moment.
[INAUDIBLE] see something
deep inside this moment.
Life's at full speed.
It can put me through to pieces.
Small as I seem, because I'm
off, yeah I'm off to the races.
Some say it's always
darkest before the dawn.
The shadows will show you
where the light comes from.
The rise and the falls,
disguises and all,
let them fall to the ground.
Coursing through veins,
breaking shackles and chains.
Take the reigns and run.
I'm light on my feet.
Always stand at the moment.
[INAUDIBLE] to see something
deep inside this moment.
Life's at full speed, can
put me through the pieces.
Small as I seem because I'm
off, yeah I'm off to the races.
Oh, yeah I'm off,
I'm off to the races.
I did all the right things and
followed each chartered course,
using the stars
to guide the way.
I've got to be faster,
stronger, better
for longer, bigger, and taller.
But you're only as
small as you feel.
Stay light on your feet.
Always stand at the moment.
[INAUDIBLE] Something
deep inside this moment.
Life's at full speed.
It can put me
through the pieces.
Small as I seem because I'm
off, yeah I'm off to the races.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm off.
I'm off to the races.
I've got a deep desire
like a burning fire.
Come on and take my hand.
We'll be kings and [INAUDIBLE].
We'll reach so much higher.
You and me, my friend.
So many things to see.
Hold tight and follow me.
I've done it all before.
Look up to [INAUDIBLE].
Tonight is [INAUDIBLE].
I'll show you so much more.
I've been around the
world, I've seen it all.
Come on and follow me.
I want to show you how
we can have it all.
Come on and follow me.
I want to show you how
we can have it all.