Eric LaRue (2023) Movie Script
1
(melancholy music playing)
(music ends abruptly)
- (indistinct chatter)
- (traffic rumbling)
Oh, I'm sorry.
- (mellow music playing)
- (scanners beeping in distance)
Steve: I love those.
In fact when I was a boy,
I got a box of those
for Christmas.
You would have thought I got
a new bicycle or something.
(chuckles)
But no, this is a box of cereal,
which, if I'm honest,
was actually pretty great.
(chuckles)
I'm just getting groceries.
We've got that in common.
I haven't been ignoring you.
Steve: It's okay.
You can ignore me.
And there's no need
to apologize.
Just call or come by the church
if you ever wanna talk again.
No rush.
Have you, um,
been out to see him yet?
No.
You should do that.
Is he doing okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Steve: You might wanna be
more concerned.
I am concerned.
I mean, he's up there
without any family
- among strangers and...
- Eric killed those boys.
- I... I know.
- He shot them.
You should
try and think
beyond what happened.
Begin thinking about
what comes next.
(sighing) Okay.
I should, uh...
I'm getting taco stuff
for myself. (chuckles)
(imitating Mexican accent)
Taco Tuesday.
(in normal voice)
Let's talk soon. All right?
Okay.
(soft music playing)
(sniffs)
(music fades)
- Ron: Hi.
- Hi.
Ron: Do you need some help
with the groceries?
- No.
- Ron: Okay.
Hey, I was talking
with Lisa Graff,
and she wanted to know
if we wanna come
by their house
over the weekend
for, uh, dinner, maybe.
(keys jingle)
I don't think
I'm up for that just yet.
No? Okay.
Well, I'll let her know tonight.
What's tonight?
Ron: Prayer group...
- at Redeemer.
- (Janice sighs)
She's picking me up.
(car horn honking)
Oh, she's outside.
Um, we're... we're gonna stop
by Sizzling Ann's
for something to eat beforehand.
Do you wanna join?
Get out of the house?
I was just out of the house.
So, no?
No, thank you.
Did... did you want
a neck massage?
No.
(car horn honks)
Oh, Lisa must be in a hurry.
Um...
I'll see you later.
Hi.
(groans)
(indistinct chatter)
Narrator: (on TV)
When tending the hive,
it's best to approach the hive
from behind or from the sides.
Choosing to meet
the hive head-on
is something to avoid
since bees enter and exit
via the front.
This mistake can also send
an alarm of danger to the hive,
which will trigger throughout,
causing every bee to react.
(sniffles)
Narrator: If one finds
they can only approach
from the front,
all protection is advised
and the hive
must not be jostled.
Great care should be taken
for the hive to stay calm
during any sort of upheaval.
(insects chirping)
(skateboard rolling)
(indistinct chatter)
teenage girl:
Yeah, it's probably good.
- What? Yeah.
- (indistinct chatter)
teenage girl:
Which one are you guys
is bringing the beer?
teenage boy 1:
I can get it. Right down there.
Yeah, I have my ID, my fake one.
- Oh, you do?
- Yeah!
- Oh, that's great.
- Let's do it.
teenage girl:
Where are we gonna go?
teenage boy 2:
We can go to my place.
teenage girl:
Are your parents out of town?
teenage boy 2:
No, my mom's not home.
For how long?
What?
(melancholy music playing)
(foot stomps, scrapes sidewalk)
- (traffic roaring)
- (car horn honking)
(locker door opens, closes)
(machine clicks)
Sheila: Janice?
Janice: Hi, Sheila.
You clocking in today?
Yeah, I thought it was time
I got out of the house.
Sheila: You sure?
I just thought you told me
you'd call first. (chuckles)
I've, uh... I've switched
some folks around
since your last day at work.
But yeah, if you want,
I can put you out on the floor.
- Great.
- Sheila: Okay.
Just give me a second,
I'll... I'll figure it out.
(indistinct chatter)
customer: Hey. Oh, excuse me.
Could you help me
with something?
Sure.
customer: Hey.
I'm sorry.
Uh, let me call someone
who works in this department.
customer: I just had
a quick question.
(sighs)
Okay.
Which one of these
would you recommend?
Which?
- customer: Yeah.
- Janice: For what?
Well, you know, whatever.
I'm sorry, I really don't know.
- customer: You don't know?
- No, I don't.
customer: Okay.
- What about that one?
- I don't have a key.
So, if you wanna see something,
I'm gonna have to call
someone else to help you.
I don't want someone else
to help. I want you to help.
I don't have keys!
(customer chuckles)
- You work here, don't you?
- What are you doing?
I mean, can you help me or not?
Hello, sir.
Uh, what... what did you need?
- Candles.
- (chuckles)
Jack: Follow me.
(indistinct announcement
over PA)
(melancholy music playing)
- (keyboard keys clacking)
- (phone ringing)
Trying to hypnotize your lunch?
(chuckles)
- Oh, Lisa. Hi, hi.
- (Lisa sighs)
I was just stretching my legs.
It's a nice walk over here
from Human Resources.
Ron: Yeah, yeah.
That was a good prayer meeting
at Redeemer the other night,
- huh? (sighs)
- Hmm.
Lisa: I just could feel
the spirit of the Lord
as soon as we walked in
for worship.
Ron: Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's a good group of people,
isn't it?
Oh, it... it... it really is.
It really is.
Ben Estes, though.
- He's a little over-the-top...
- (Ron chuckles)
- ...isn't he? (laughs)
- (laughs)
- I don't know.
- I mean, Ben adores his coffee,
but he was bouncing off
the walls.
- (laughs)
- A little bit. (laughs)
- Like hallelujah's everywhere.
- Yeah. Yeah.
But everybody has their vices,
though, right?
Yeah, well, I... I guess so.
- Hmm.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hmm.
- Hmm. (chuckles)
So, did you get a chance
to bring up Pastor Verne's
suggestion to Janice?
Uh, not yet. Not yet.
Lisa: Mm-hmm, yeah.
Pastor Verne's a little anxious,
you know?
- And rightly so, with all of...
- Yeah.
- ...the lingering emotions.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, of course.
So, could I give him
a message...
- or some kind of like...
- Mm.
- ...an update, maybe?
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, yeah. Uh...
Um, I...
I'll talk to Janice tonight.
Yeah. We'll see what she says.
Good.
Yeah. Okay.
- Good.
- All right.
- (chuckles)
- (chuckles) Great. Thanks.
Thank you. Thank you.
- (Ron gulps)
- Hmm.
This is probably entirely
inappropriate for work,
but I'm the human resources
manager, so I make the rules.
(both laugh)
And also, Jesus loves hugs.
Hugs are nice.
- They are.
- Hmm.
(chuckles)
Steve: A few years ago,
there was a man
in our congregation
who told me
he couldn't leave his house.
He was scared of plants
or clouds or something.
But after a while,
and after some work on himself,
he convinced himself
to go outside.
Oh.
Steve: What I'm saying is,
you need to give yourself
enough time to heal.
I just wanna understand
why I'm feeling
the way that I'm feeling.
Steve: I'm not gonna tell you
how you should be feeling.
Well, you're feeling the need
to see what steps you need
to take in order to feel better.
Maybe we should talk
about my suggestion.
I'm very serious about it.
And I've spoken to the principal
of the high school
and a number
of counselors. And...
I think if we're gonna do this,
we should do it right
and we should do it soon.
We don't want
these wounds to get infected.
And by that I mean...
we all need to heal.
I just don't know
if I'm ready yet.
Steve: How could you be ready?
Being ready implies
that you'd be prepared
for the outcome.
Maybe you could talk to Ron,
see what he says.
I know he hasn't been attending
services here for a while.
But I don't want to lose touch
with Ron or his feelings.
And I don't want Ron to feel
like I don't think
what he thinks isn't important
just 'cause he's over
at Redeemer.
- Okay.
- Steve: It's just...
there's more
than just you involved.
There's also
three other mothers,
including two of the mothers
who are members of this church.
I don't mean to sound confused.
You don't sound confused.
I'm just not sure
I'm making any sense.
(Steve chuckles)
You... you just said
the same thing twice,
that you think
you sound confusing
and you think
you're not making any sense.
Wh... Which is fine.
You can say
the same thing twice,
or three times,
or however many times
you wanna say it.
Saying things
is why we're talking.
And this meeting
I'm talking about
would also be a great place
for you to do the same thing.
It's something
that will help you
figure everything out.
It really will.
- (sighs)
- I promise.
(birds chirping)
(melancholy music playing)
(Janice sighs)
(inhales sharply)
(sniffles)
(sniffs)
(breathes shakily)
(ominous melody playing)
(melancholy music resumes)
(sniffs)
(sniffs)
(indistinct chatter on TV)
(sighs)
I was watching television.
You said you were gonna
help me with the laundry.
Yeah, I know. I know.
Are these my old ones
from the bottom drawer?
Yeah, I'm gonna box 'em up
with some shirts
I got from Eric's room.
You... you went in his room?
Oh.
Okay.
(chuckles) I had a pop.
When I was at Redeemer
the other night with Lisa Graff,
I talked to Bill Verne
and his wife.
And a few other people.
Laura Gates was there.
We did a laying of hands.
We prayed.
I think I'm really starting
to understand more
about the Lord's path for me
every day.
What are you understanding?
More about the Lord's path.
Wh... What exactly
are you understanding
about the Lord's path?
Stuff...
about my life.
I wake up every morning
and I put Jesus in my heart.
And I know that I can lay down
my burdens
and He will carry them for me.
Do you have any more old clothes
you want me to put out back?
I don't think so.
Janice:
Will you check the closet?
Yeah, sure.
Hey, you know, um...
when... when, uh, Lisa Graff
and I were at Sizzling Ann's
before last night's meeting,
there was this man
at... at another table
who was listening to...
to music on his headphones.
And he had it
- turned up so loud...
- (tense music playing)
...that everyone
in the restaurant
could hear him.
And... and... and Lisa, she...
she covered her ears,
like... like she was in pain.
Like the man's music
was causing her
to actually receive pain.
And I... I told Lisa
that the man was almost done
with his hamburger.
And then I...
I leaned toward her...
and I held her.
I shut my eyes...
and prayed.
I prayed
for the man to leave.
I asked God
to make the man's music stop,
make him go away.
Just shut everything
out of my mind and prayed.
And then I opened my eyes...
- (music concludes)
- ...the man was gone.
(chuckles)
Afterwards, Lisa said,
"Anything can happen
with the grace of the Lord.
Through trial,
you achieve grace."
A man listening to loud music
at Sizzling Ann's
isn't much of a trial.
Well, anything can be a trial.
It... it doesn't have to be
something horrible
- to be a trial.
- Jesus isn't your bodyguard.
He doesn't exist
to protect you and Lisa Graff
from annoying, loud music.
But through trial...
you achieve grace.
I talked to Pastor Calhan today.
Okay.
He wants me to meet
with the other mothers.
Well, uh... Maybe, um,
you should talk to Bill Verne
over at Redeemer instead.
You see, he told me he wants
to meet with the mothers, too.
And it... it would be
a much better meeting with Bill.
So, I...
Well, I... I think you should
do that one instead.
Don't you?
(pensive music playing)
(door closes)
(grunts)
(insects chirping)
(coffee pot clinks)
(music fades)
(whistles)
(sighs)
(grunts) Oh. Sorry.
It's a little cramped in here,
isn't it? (chuckles)
When I first came
to First Presbyterian,
I had a difficult time finding
even a place for my trash can.
(laughs)
But... I don't know.
I like it.
It's cramped
but it's comfortable.
(sighs)
I really appreciate
you coming in today, though.
It says something.
You doing that.
Have you ever played,
uh, Ungame?
The Ungame game?
Um, it's a... it's a card game,
um...
where you can learn
a lot about yourself.
(drawer closes)
Steve: It's a learning game.
I don't have the actual Ungame,
but I wrote down how it goes.
I just use regular cards.
It's basically the same thing.
It's like a trick.
A trick that teaches.
Don't touch the cards. Oh.
Um...
Oh, okay.
Uh. Hmm. Please, go ahead
and reveal your first card.
Hmm. Five of diamonds.
Okay, five of diamonds. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Describe
how you put on your shoes
and socks in the morning.
I should answer that?
Yes.
Describe how you put on
your shoes and socks
in the morning.
I put on my socks
and then I put on my shoes.
Steve: Mm-hmm.
Do you sit down?
Yes.
Where?
On a chair, or I sit on the bed.
Hmm.
And is it right foot
and then left,
or the other way around?
Uh, I guess right.
Steve: But not always
the right, though.
- No.
- Hmm!
- (laughs)
- (Steve laughs)
(chuckles) Hmm.
Steve: Ten of clubs.
Clubbety, club, club, club.
Ah, ten of clubs.
Ah. Describe
your significant other's
hair color in detail.
Hmm.
Okay, that's more
of a couple's card.
Let's do this one.
Ten of hearts. Ten of hearts,
ten of hearts, ten of hearts.
So many tens.
Ten of hearts. Okay.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Tell the group
about your favorite vacation.
There's no group,
so you can just tell me instead.
Vacation.
Favorite vacation.
Close your eyes.
Imagine it.
Imagine it
and tell me what you see.
When Eric was seven,
we took a trip to Leech Lake
- in Minnesota.
- (mellow music playing)
Steve: Leech Lake
was the name of the lake?
Janice: Yes.
Steve: Okay.
What was there to do
at Leech Lake?
We brought a tent,
and we went fishing.
We'd take walks
through the woods,
searching for things.
Steve: That must have been nice.
On one of our walks,
we came across this...
giant mushroom.
It looked like a little table.
It was cut, so it had
a puddle of water in it.
Steve: I bet you
didn't go swimming, though.
We did go swimming.
Steve: Weren't there leeches
in the lake?
Janice: They were little.
You could get 'em
off with salt.
Eric had some between his toes.
Eric was bleeding?
The leeches
were attached to him.
- He bled just a little.
- So, he was bleeding?
Why are you asking me that?
I'm just trying to help you
better imagine your vacation.
What does him bleeding
have to do
with me imagining my vacation?
I'm sorry. I've made you angry.
- I'm not angry!
- Steve: I'm sorry.
I know, I know!
I'm not!
I don't wanna play
this card game anymore.
(indistinct chatter)
- Maggie said you were here.
- Oh, Pastor. I hope it's okay.
Popping over
on your lunch break?
- (chuckles)
- Yeah, yeah, just for a minute.
Have a seat.
What can I do you for?
Uh, well, um...
Uh, first, I...
I would just like to thank you.
Thank me for?
For your guidance.
(laughs)
Look up
a pastor's job description,
and the word "guidance"
is the first thing you'll see.
Well... (chuckles)
Still, though, it, um...
It means a lot to me.
So, thank you.
- You're welcome, Ron. But...
- (distant laughter)
That can't be the only reason
you came all the way down here.
- What else is on your mind?
- (clears throat)
Well, um, honestly, I... I...
I came down to say...
or to tell you...
yes.
Bill: "Yes"?
To your meeting...
with the mothers.
You say yes?
Yes. I say yes.
Yeah.
So, you talked it over
with your wife,
and she says yes?
I will,
and she will say yes.
But I... I came down
to let you know
that I do say yes.
Bill: Good.
Good.
Okay. Well...
Wonderful!
- (chuckles)
- Bill: That's great!
- Thank you for telling me.
- No, thank you, Pastor.
Thank you.
(chuckles)
Ron, I do need to get back
- to a few things.
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- Of course.
- No, no, no. Uh...
No worries, but...
If you don't mind,
let me give you a little...
additional guidance.
Yeah.
You need to let your wife know
her place in all this.
- Okay.
- In the Bible,
1 Timothy says...
"Let a woman learn quietly
with all submissiveness
and not exercise authority
over man.
For if a man
cannot manage his own household,
how will he ever care
for God's church?"
Understand?
Yeah.
I think so.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I think so.
- Good!
(chuckles)
- Good. Okay.
- Okay.
Well...
I got to get back to it.
Churches don't keep themselves
- open, do they? (laughs)
- (laughs) I suppose not.
Uh, you stay here
as long as you want.
There's fresh coffee
out here, too.
It's pretty good!
- Ron: Thank you again, Pastor.
- Bill: Yeah.
(indistinct chatter)
- (PA beeps)
- (indistinct chatter over PA)
(sighs)
(somber music playing)
(coughs)
(music concludes)
(car door opening)
- (car door closing)
- Ron: See you tomorrow.
(Ron whistling)
- (exhales deeply)
- (door opening)
Ron: Why are you
sitting here in the dark?
(door closing)
That's better.
I wanted to talk to you.
Ron: All right.
(sighs)
I made a decision.
Ron: What about?
I'm going to the meeting
Steve Calhan is setting up
with the mothers.
- You are?
- Janice: Yes.
You just decided right now?
What about the meeting
with Bill Verne at Redeemer?
I made my decision.
You know...
those other mothers...
they're just waiting
to judge you.
But the Lord...
He's the only one who can judge.
And the only thing you should do
is leave yourself open
- to healing and praying.
- Oh, stop it!
- Stop what?
- Stop talking to me like that!
I'm not in Sunday school!
I'm not a child!
I don't think you understand.
I understand more
than you think I do.
I don't think you know
what you think.
Do you think I'm stupid?
- Jesus knows the bad things...
- Oh!
...Eric did. Jesus wants Eric
to ask for forgiveness.
Now, the Bible is filled
with stories of people
who were unclean
that Jesus lifted up
and made clean again.
And then Eric can enter
the kingdom of heaven.
When he dies!
All it takes is time,
and prayer,
and a group
of loving individuals.
Eric took a shotgun
and a handgun to school
and he shot those three boys!
Jesus was with him.
And then Eric left school,
and he came here,
and he watched television
on the couch!
Jesus was with him then, too.
Jesus was with Eric
watching television?
- Jesus is with him always.
- Oh, Jesus is everywhere!
(dishes clattering)
I refuse to let you go
to that meeting
with Steve Calhan.
Get out of my way.
You're going
to the meeting at Redeemer.
End of discussion.
Steve: This is Steve Calhan
and you've reached
my mobile voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Thanks in advance.
(voicemail beeps)
Hi, Steve. This is Janice La...
(cell phone vibrating)
Steve: Uh, Jan... Janice?
Just saw you're calling.
Janice: Yeah. Hi, Steve.
Good morning.
I... I wanted to let you know
I think you should go ahead
and set up your meeting.
For me and the other mothers.
You want me to try
and set it up?
Janice: Yes. I do very much.
Well, that's great news.
Okay.
Um, I'm in my car right now.
What's your next week look like?
Next week? That soon?
Uh. (chuckles)
Steve: We don't wanna
let these wounds
continue to get infected.
Okay.
- Fine, next week.
- Steve: Great.
And congratulations
on making this decision, Janice.
Sincerely.
Now, if I can just get
the other mothers
as motivated as you are. Okay?
Right.
Steve: And talk soon?
Talk soon.
Bye.
Yes!
Yeah!
(gospel music playing)
Bill: Take control!
Come on now, I've had it!
This is a bunch of nonsense!
Take control!
Snap! It's that easy.
Do it with me! Snap!
All of you now!
You kids in the back, snap!
Just like that.
It's that easy. Snap!
Take control of your lives.
Let peace enter your heart.
Let peace flow like a river
and wash over you,
wash over you.
And save you
from the evils of men.
Jesus will fill your heart
with light and love.
Jesus will make your life whole.
He is the love
and the light of the world.
Praise His holy name.
Oh, Jesus
He will rise
He will rise again
His light will save us all
Oh, hallelujah
His holy name
Will sound among...
(babbling indistinctly)
Oh, hallelujah
Oh, hallelujah
(Laura continues babbling)
His light will cleanse
The world
(laughs)
Forevermore
Bill: To those in pain...
Jesus will fill your hearts
to overflowing.
His blood will heal you.
Come down.
Lay your burdens
by the roadside
and let Jesus carry them.
Forever and always.
Come down.
He will carry your burdens.
Come down and be saved!
choir: Oh, Jesus...
The Lord is with you. Bless you.
Come here, darling.
God bless you.
Come here, son.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
Hello, dear. Bless you.
The Lord be with you.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you, sir.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
The Lord is with you.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
Oh, the little ones.
Come here.
What a precious moment.
The Lord be with you.
The Lord... Lord be with you.
Oh, what a treasure!
(birds chirping)
(phone ringing in distance)
(sighs)
(indistinct chatter)
Janice: Hi, Wilma.
Hi.
Janice: Hi. It's Janice.
Janice Larue.
I... I used to live next door
to you when I was a girl.
Oh, Janice!
- Janice: Hmm.
- Hello.
Janice: (softly) Hi.
I, um, just wanted to stop by
and see how you were.
Oh, well, I'm...
fine.
Your room looks nice.
It's not really.
I like your hair.
Oh, thank you.
Janice: (chuckles)
It looks really pretty.
Stephanie, hi.
What are you doing here?
- (scoffs)
- Stephanie, please wait!
What are you on? Some kind
of reconnaissance mission
for Pastor Steve?
No.
I spoke to him
on the phone this morning
about his meeting idea.
Janice: Good.
I didn't know what to say.
I said yes.
That we shouldn't
let these wounds continue
to get infected.
"Infected"?
That's what Steve said.
That's what
this is supposed to do?
- Cure the infection?
- Steve's just trying to help.
(scoffs)
It's almost time
for Mrs. Kentworthy's lunch.
Oh.
So, if you could leave
Wilma alone?
Janice: Sure. Okay.
And don't come down here
with the pretense...
Janice: I'm sorry.
But will you
just think about it?
Steve's meeting?
Oh! I... I feel all like...
I mean, when I saw you
holding Laura Gates...
- Yeah. Yeah.
- And she spoke in tongues.
I knew right then.
Right?
And when you were
with Pastor Verne at the altar.
- Oh!
- Accepting Jesus
- into your heart!
- Yeah, it just washed,
- washed...
- Washed over you?
Ron: ...over me. Yeah, yeah.
- Like a...
- Like a rainstorm.
Like a rainstorm.
Exactly! Like a rainstorm.
- Lisa: Washing away your sins!
- Yeah, yeah.
I feel crazy. I... I really do.
I feel Jesus crazy.
- "Jesus crazy"? (laughs)
- (Ron laughs)
Yeah, yeah. Jesus crazy!
- (laughs)
- Whoo-hoo!
(Lisa laughs)
Oh, gosh!
(both laughing)
Thank you.
Thank you so much for the ride.
I hope I didn't put
your husband down.
- That's really no problem.
- Okay.
Thank you for today.
You're the one you should thank.
No. You.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- (mellow music playing)
Always remember, Ron.
Jesus is love.
- (chuckles)
- (Lisa chuckles)
And God said,
"My grace,
it's sufficient for you.
For my power is made perfect
in your times of weakness."
I should go.
(car door opening)
- Okay.
- I'm sorry, that's right.
- I'll see you soon.
- (car door closing)
- (grunts)
- Janice: Ron?
Are you okay?
Ron: Yeah.
- (toilet flushing)
- (sighs)
Sheila: Thanks for coming down
on such short notice, Janice.
This is an informal discussion,
but we thought it best
as your direct supervisors
- that we should talk before...
- I get that you've been
through hell lately, okay?
Okay, Jack, let's step back
from the profanity.
- Jack: What profanity?
- The H-word.
I... I just can't have
any more surprises
in my department, right?
I mean, I have enough issues
with Pam Gidding's pregnancy
and Wesley Cooper's
"drug rehab,"
and Malcolm Jansen's
liver thing,
- and now we...
- Okay, Jack, stop.
I'm just saying, I don't think
it's a good idea
having you come in...
- I'm meeting with the mothers.
- ...and disrupt business.
You're meeting with who?
Janice: I'm meeting
with the mothers
of the boys that Eric killed.
Seriously?
Pastor Calhan
at First Presbyterian set it up.
Sheila: Wow, Janice!
That's a good step.
As Gregor Steffsten says,
"First step, commit to change.
Second step, change to commit."
Have you prepared yourself
for what they're gonna say?
They're gonna be assholes
in that meeting.
You might wanna think
about that.
Janice can think
whatever she wants.
And I think
that if you feel better
after that meeting,
we can work on getting you
your regular hours
at your normal job.
How's that sound?
"If you gaze too long
into the abyss,
the abyss gazes also into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
- Okay, Jack, really?
Somebody should put that
on a goddamn poster.
(somber music playing)
(birds chirping)
(music fades)
It's getting so hot, isn't it?
(sniffs)
Hmm. Humid, too.
So close to the 4th,
you can feel it.
It's sort of sticky. (chuckles)
I remember one 4th
when I was eight, or nine,
it was over a hundred degrees.
You remember that year?
And my family went down
to see the fireworks.
You know, it was still so hot.
There was
a big bunch of people there.
They we were doing those, um...
Sparklers. (chuckles)
And I stepped on a...
on a used one. (laughs)
Oh my gosh, it hurt. (laughs)
I screamed and my dad put water
on my foot.
Almost completely
ruined the holiday.
(door opening)
Steve: Still no answer.
Did either of you speak
to Stephanie or Laura Gates?
They both confirmed
they were coming?
- (cell phone buzzing)
- Ah, Stephanie.
Hello, Stephanie.
Yes, is everything okay?
Uh-huh.
Had a dentist appointment
going on.
Okay. Well, no problem.
Let's reschedule.
How's tomorrow sound?
Tomorrow should work.
Steve: Janice, tomorrow?
Sure.
Steve: Okay, great.
Okay.
Okay, Stephanie, bye.
Okay. Well...
see you both tomorrow.
Sorry.
- Bye.
- (chuckles)
- Oh. Hi, Ron.
- Hey.
Uh, can we chat for a moment
in the conference room?
Um, what, now?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Have a seat.
So, uh, what's up?
First...
I wanted to apologize to you.
I think I did
something inappropriate.
No. No, no, you... you...
you didn't do anything wrong.
Lisa: Sometimes,
I have to remind myself
that not everything
is for everybody, right?
So...
I'm sorry.
Really.
Do you forgive me?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
No problem at all.
Lisa: Great. Great.
- Thank you.
- Lisa: Second...
(clears throat)
(sighs) I wanted to share
something with you.
Oh.
I believe something big
is about to happen.
I can sense
that you're special, Ron.
God has a plan for you.
And I believe it's connected
to Redeemer and your son.
And the light I see around you.
I see you...
glowing with light.
Do you?
God gave me a gift,
a special gift.
The ability to see
what's special about people,
to see their light.
(chuckles softly)
Wow. (chuckles)
Lisa:
This all happened to you
for a reason, Ron.
I know it.
- You do?
- I do.
With all my heart.
And now...
I think it's time for you
to say what you believe
and to do
what you feel is necessary
to walk the walk
and talk the talk.
- Okay.
- Trust me.
- Okay.
- Trust me, I see it.
You have the light.
You can do...
anything.
(mellow music playing)
- (sighs, chuckles)
- (chuckles)
- Whoo-hoo!
- (both laugh)
Okay. Hmm. Okay.
- Okay.
- We better get back to work.
Janice: Jill Yardling
was nice to me today.
- (cutlery clinking)
- Oh, yeah?
Stephanie Grazer
couldn't make it,
so we're going to postpone.
Well, that's probably
for the best.
Why?
Well, Steve Calhan is going
through a lot right now.
A lot of what?
Well, he's divorced.
That makes him distracted.
Possibly even hostile.
Steve Calhan...
is not hostile.
I'm just saying,
maybe the meeting
is too much for him
to handle right now.
I can't talk about this
with you anymore.
Okay.
- Then let's talk about Eric.
- Janice: No.
- Criminals...
- Criminals?
Not criminals, but...
Eric didn't have anything else
in his room.
The police, they... they took
everything out of the closet.
They cut open his mattress.
They...
- That's what they do, though.
- To criminals?
No, I mean...
What do you mean, Ron?
Please tell me, Ron.
I would love to know
exactly what you mean.
(sighs)
There was this time when Eric
and I went to go fishing...
when he was ten. And, um...
on the way there,
I... I was gonna explain to him
about...
men and women.
Uh, nature, you know?
But I got so nervous.
So, I... I couldn't...
I... I ended up...
I ended up just listening to
the news on the radio instead.
Why did you just tell me
about that?
(clicks tongue)
You're trying
to understand things about Eric.
And so am I.
Janice: I don't wanna hear
any explanations.
I'm... I'm not explaining.
I don't wanna be shown anything.
That's...
that's not what I'm doing.
I like my First Presbyterian!
- I never said you didn't.
- I like Pastor Calhan!
Everyone at Redeemer
loves each other.
I don't want love!
I didn't mean love.
I meant... I... I meant...
Jesus raising a joyful noise
to the Lord!
(sighs)
Everything okay?
Janice: Yes.
(melancholy music playing)
We praise
Your holy name, Lord Jesus.
And thank You for our time
together this evening.
Let us now
go out into the world
as brothers and sisters,
bringing Your light with us.
Shining Your light
into the darkness...
and helping give shelter
to all who need it.
In the Lord's name...
all praise and glory to You.
Amen.
- group: Amen.
- Amen. Praise to Jesus.
- Alrighty. (groans)
- (indistinct chatter)
(Bill sighs)
Ron.
Thanks so much
for coming tonight.
I know this all must be
very difficult for you,
but you're doing great.
- Thank you, Pastor.
- And I know, I've been there.
Accepting Jesus Christ
into your heart, it's like...
It's like
He moved into your house,
but your house is crammed
with all sorts of old stuff.
Mm-hmm.
My advice is trust Jesus
and us here at Redeemer
to help you...
- Yeah.
- ...do the heavy lifting.
Okay.
And, hey,
why don't you go talk to Laura?
I bet she could use some help
with her heavy lifting.
Yeah. Thank you.
- Laura, hi.
- Hi, Ron.
Ron: Hi.
That was a...
- It was a good meeting.
- (chuckles) Yes, it was.
Yeah.
And...
I, uh...
(sobs)
Oh gosh.
No, it's all right, Ron.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
(in a strained voice)
It's not all right.
(sobs) My son killed your boy.
My son, Nathan,
is with Jesus, Ron.
- (sobs)
- Nathan is smiling.
He's protected from pain.
He's living with Him
in paradise.
- How do I know?
- (sobs)
Nathan told me.
He spoke to me from his place
in heaven among the stars.
- (sobs)
- He tells me he loves me,
that he's bathed
in Christ's eternal light,
and I will see him again soon.
(Ron sobs)
Oh, stop. Please don't.
Stop crying and be happy.
Be happy for Nathan.
Be happy for me.
It's all right. Really.
- Oh.
- Really, it's all right.
I just...
I just wish there was something
I could do for you.
Laura: Oh, it's okay.
Something that would...
something that would help.
(softly) It's okay.
(sobs)
- It's all right.
- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Laura: It's all right, Ron.
(Ron sobs)
Would... would you like
a neck massage?
- A neck massage?
- Mm-hmm.
Sure. That sounds nice.
Okay. (sniffles)
(mutters indistinctly)
(breathes deeply)
(sighs)
(mellow music playing)
- (indistinct chatter)
- (music continues)
(cell phone beeps)
Okay.
(sighs)
Thank you, you two,
for being here.
I know
getting together at night...
can be difficult.
Fixing dinner,
finding a sitter and...
We should start.
What about Laura Gates?
Steve: I've attempted
to reach out to her,
but I haven't been able
to get a hold of her.
How about then we just start?
Oh, uh...
- Okay.
- Steve: Sure.
So, how's everyone doing?
I don't have
a set of rules for this...
so I'm just gonna try
and do my best.
I'm not sure
which way is best, though,
when you're talking about
what we plan on
talking about. It's... it's a...
It's a sensitive situation.
Being sensitive, maybe that
would be a good place to start.
Does everyone feel
like they're feeling sensitive?
Hmm?
I guess
I've been feeling sensitive,
or more sensitive.
Mm-hmm. I don't mean emotional.
(sighs) I mean sensitive,
like overly sensitive.
Janice, how about you?
Maybe.
It might be a good idea
if we could be
as clear as we can
when verbally
expressing ourselves.
Are we still talking about
being sensitive?
Steve: Yes.
Janice, I...
I've been wanting to, um,
tell you that I'm...
I'm trying to understand
and... (sighs)
...forgive your, uh,
family for what
your son has done.
That's great.
What have you been doing
in order to reach that?
I'm sorry.
Steve: Stop there.
Apologies don't create
discussions, they end them.
At home, I can think of
all these things to say, but...
right now, I'm a blank.
Just say whatever you wanna say.
I'm saying at home I can think
like I'm talking to someone...
but it gets too specific
when there are...
others in the room.
"Specific" how?
Specifically, there's the mother
of the boy who...
killed my son.
Steve:
Just say what's on your mind.
Stephanie: Nothing's on my mind.
That's what I'm saying.
I guess I miss Matt's friends.
We should try to keep to topics
that include all of us.
Matt was shot in the face.
He was shot in the...
in the side of the face,
and... and...
half his jaw
and his cheek were shredded.
I don't wanna talk about that.
I don't know.
I don't even know
why I said that.
It's good that you said that.
Your son did that.
Steve: But Janice didn't.
I don't wanna talk about
what happened to my son.
Janice: I don't know
where Eric got the guns.
The police said
that he got the guns
from someone
in our neighborhood.
He said he got the guns
from some guy he didn't know.
And I just can't think of anyone
in our neighborhood
who would sell him guns.
Steve:
You don't need to explain.
We all understand
your involvement.
My involvement?
That you weren't involved.
(cell phone vibrating)
Oh, I'm so sorry.
My... my daughter
is throwing up.
Um, the...
the sitter is there, but...
but... (sighs)
I... I should, um...
So what? We're... we're...
we're supposed to...
Steve: Well,
since Laura isn't here, I mean,
to be continued.
Janice.
You gave Janice a ride?
Steve: Well,
she didn't have her car.
- That's weird.
- How's that weird?
Well, it seems unfair,
both of you in your car.
It's like you formed some kind
of game plan for the meeting.
That is wholly untrue.
And I suppose, full disclosure,
Janice and I have met
before this meeting, but...
I'm here if anyone
ever wants to talk to me.
Janice came to me a while ago,
because she needed to talk.
If either of you had ever wanted
to talk to me before tonight,
you could have done so,
but you didn't.
So, I put this together
so all of us could talk.
I... I want all of us
to begin healing.
To begin talking and healing.
I swear, we are going
to manage this thing...
together.
Just, unfortunately,
not right now.
Sorry. Come on, Janice.
And you can let yourself...
I'm... (sighs)
I'm sorry. I... I have to go.
(insects chirping)
Thanks for driving.
I hope your daughter
feels better.
Me, too.
Fingers crossed. Janice, wait.
I want you to know
you can count on me
through this whole thing.
You're gonna come through
the other side of this
and everything
is gonna be better.
(melancholy music playing)
- Okay.
- Do you believe me?
Yes. I believe you.
Good night.
Good night.
- (Ron laughing)
- (indistinct chatter on TV)
(laughs)
(laughs)
(chuckling)
(coughing)
(lighter clicks)
(groans)
- (truck engine rumbling)
- (indistinct shouting)
(pants)
(car engine starting)
(sighs)
Jack: Janice,
I needed to talk to you
- before you went in.
- I'm late for work, Jack.
What? (chuckles)
I'm your boss, so, yeah,
I'm aware that you're late,
but we need to talk.
Sheila and I
have been talking about you
and things in my department,
and customer service,
and, you know,
what went on the other day,
and... and well,
we've decided...
Well, we... we decided
we need to extend your leave.
But I'm not on leave anymore.
That was a mistake.
We need to correct that mistake
and put you back on leave.
- Why?
- Geez, come on! Really?
I don't mind working
in the stockroom.
There's this thing that happens
when you're here
at work, Janice.
This weird, disconcerting vibe
that takes over everything.
And, hey, I'm only thinking
of... of your mental state.
All of our mental states.
(vape hissing)
Things aren't cool as of yet
with you coming down here.
Now, that's just facts.
And, look, I'm not telling you
that you need
to stay away forever.
I mean, an extra two months
maybe or four months?
And I...
I promise I will do my best
to save your spot
in the department
for when you come back, okay?
Please don't do this.
Jack: I know
how you must be feeling,
but you... you need to go home
and take care of yourself.
My pastor told me about a man
who wouldn't come out
of his house,
because he was afraid to leave
until one day
he finally came out.
Inside, outside,
it... it doesn't matter to me
what you do,
but you just can't come here.
- (sighs)
- Jack: Maybe read a book.
Or meditate.
You'll figure it out.
(tense music playing)
- (door opening)
- Ron: Hello?
(door closing)
Ron: Hi.
Why aren't you at work?
Ron: Well, it's 5:30.
I just got home.
What are you doing?
Uh.
Finishing up.
Where were you this morning?
I... I couldn't find you.
(sighs)
A few weeks ago,
they had a hayride
for the youth group at Redeemer.
I think Eric would have liked
to have gone on that.
I drove the van up to this place
that has hayrides
and the kids all sang hymns.
When they got there, they piled
into this trailer full of hay
that was being pulled
by a tractor.
The kids, uh,
just sat in the hay.
Well, everyone had a...
everyone had a great time.
I need to finish.
When's your next meeting
with Steve?
Soon.
Bill Verne
has set up his meeting
with the mothers for next week.
Laura Gates
has already committed to going.
It will be a much better meeting
at Redeemer.
Pastor Verne, he will
get out the anointed oil.
He'll do a laying of hands.
And then... then you can
all give your burdens
over to Jesus.
- I don't wanna do that.
- But all of the pain,
all of the... the...
the confusion,
everything that...
that was making us feel bad,
sick to our stomach even,
all of that will be gone.
Gone forever.
It is...
It... it's like you're dying
in the desert
and then, suddenly, you're given
an... an endless cup of water,
and you can just drink,
and drink, and drink,
and never be thirsty again.
- That sounds terrible.
- No.
Actually,
it's the opposite of terrible.
How does handing over
my burdens help?
Because... because Jesus
takes your burdens from you.
- But when does he
give 'em back?
- No, he... he keeps them.
Why?
Because he doesn't want you
to have them anymore.
Well, what if I still need them?
What do you need
your burdens for?
I'm still trying to understand
because they're my burdens!
Don't... don't get angry.
- I'm not angry.
- You're shouting.
I'm not shouting.
- Yes, you are. You are.
- No, I'm not.
I need to...
Can you leave me alone?
No.
- Go.
- I'm trying to help you see
that things could be better
with Jesus in your heart.
It's not such a bad thing.
You will have immediate peace.
I don't want immediate peace.
I can help you.
- Let's pray. Yes, you do.
- I don't wanna pray.
- No, no, no.
- Let's pray.
- Fucking back away from me.
Fucking get away!
- Don't talk like that.
- Stop cursing.
- You're not helping me!
Janice, calm down! Calm down!
- Janice!
- Back the fuck up!
- Janice!
- Get away!
(Ron groans)
(door closing)
(Steve praying quietly)
(sighs)
Okay, let's go, Steve.
Steve: How about we talk
about some of the things
we've been thinking about
since the trial?
Um, I've been thinking about,
uh, this time that Matt was home
from the hospital
after he had his tonsils out.
He was sick
and he had to stay home in bed.
My son had a burst appendix
when he was 13.
Oh.
I don't wanna talk
about hospitals.
Steve: Mm-hmm. Okay.
Jill: I'm so sorry. I'm...
I keep bringing up things
I don't even wanna talk about.
Steve: It's fine.
Jill: Everything is just so...
mixed up.
Um...
Everything I think is so unclear
and... and mixed up.
I feel the same way.
Jill: My son is gone
and I'm not sure
what that means.
I feel the same.
- I'm not sure you do.
- Your son isn't gone, Janice.
He killed my son, Jill's son,
and Laura Gates's son,
but your son is sitting
in a prison cell.
Your son is alive.
- I know he's...
- Stephanie: Alive.
I know he's alive.
I know he's alive.
You haven't been
to visit him yet, though.
So...
- You haven't been to see him?
- I have.
Let's not lie to each other.
I told you that in private.
There's a difference
between those families
that your son affected
and your own family.
I know there is a difference.
Then know that I blame you...
Steve: Okay.
Your family,
as well as your son.
Wait, let's stop.
I told Janice
that this discussion
would not be about blame.
Stephanie:
And this is very frustrating.
Jill: No, don't be frustrated.
Stephanie: I only wanna say
what's on my mind.
I just wanna understand what
I am supposed to be feeling now,
just like what you're doing.
- Go to hell.
- Steve: None of that.
None of that.
This is an open discussion,
but we... we're not gonna say
things like that.
Goddamn it.
Stop right there.
No language like that.
- No language like that.
- You're telling us what to say!
I'm not telling you what to say.
Jill:
Maybe we should just start over.
"Start over"?
What does that mean, start over?
Jill: I just mean
I know what Steve's saying,
and he's right.
- Stephanie: He is?
- Jill: Yes.
Janice: Last summer...
when Eric was at church camp,
your two boys were there.
Eric was taking a shower
in a shower stall
and your boys threw toilet paper
over the top of the stall door
onto Eric's head.
They also sprayed shaving cream
over the stall door.
They also sprayed his towel
with shaving cream.
He told me
he waited till everybody left
because he was so scared
and upset.
(sighs)
I never heard about
that incident.
Stephanie: Are you saying
that our children were killed
because of some kind of prank?
No.
Janice is saying
that her son was provoked!
This isn't
about provoking anyone!
How long have you been going
to this church?
Four years.
And why did you come
to this church?
I was Presbyterian growing up.
Yeah, but why
this Presbyterian church?
I always wondered
why you came here.
It's a Presbyterian church!
Didn't you feel out of place?
No one is out of place here.
You don't have any friends here.
You all sat alone.
You sat alone with your family.
Did you wanna go
to another church?
(sighs) I remember
your husband asking me
if I wanted a neck massage.
(sighs)
Don't you think
that's inappropriate?
Asking someone after church,
having a donut and coffee
in the basement,
if they wanted a neck massage?
I didn't know what to say.
You could have said,
"No, thank you!"
When you go home at night,
with your son in prison
and your neck-massage husband,
are you happy?
No.
Are you alone?
No.
You understand
what I'm getting at?
- You're alone.
- And why am I alone?
Because my son shot your son.
Your son murdered my son
in cold blood
without provocation.
Nobody talked to him.
- Doesn't matter.
- Janice: Nobody.
Nobody
at school talked to him.
My son, 14 other boys,
who cares?
Could have beat the crap
out of him
and it wouldn't have mattered!
Janice: Every day,
he came home crying.
He was a teenager!
He came home crying every day!
Why didn't you stop him
from crying?
- I tried to!
- You didn't try hard enough!
This is ridiculous.
- Wait, what are you doing?
- Stephanie: I'm done.
Laura Gates still might come.
Laura Gates goes
to fucking Redeemer, Steve!
But the meeting isn't over yet!
Jill: Is she okay?
Steve: I should check on her.
How are you?
- Steve: Stephanie had to go.
- I'm gonna go, too.
Oh, well,
- just think about some
of the things we talked about.
- Jill: Bye.
Steve: Uh, I'll call you
about the next meeting.
(sniffs) I'm not coming
to any more meetings.
(door opening)
(tense music playing)
(water running)
(water running)
- (birds chirping)
- (melancholy music playing)
(music concludes)
(indistinct chatter)
(chain clinking)
(door closing, locking)
(sighs)
I got sick when I got here.
I had food poisoning
and threw up in my cell.
Are you feeling better?
The guards take their time
getting someone up
to take care of you.
You get sick in your cell
and you have to let it sit
if you don't make it
to the toilet in time.
I sat up all night
next to the toilet
so that
I wouldn't get sick in bed.
Then they take their time
getting a doctor
and some stomach medicine
for you.
They used to have a problem here
with the prisoners
and the guards.
The prisoners would
run the prison
and the guards were just here
with no control.
Now, it's the other way around.
Last year,
there were 125 stabbings.
This year,
there have only been four.
They should have
taken these off.
They don't actually think
I'm going to do anything.
They told me outside,
you'd be wearing
arm and leg restraints.
Eric: Oh.
They told me you were
supposed to stay seated.
Eric:
I am supposed to remain seated.
I'm only outside
15 minutes a day,
and it's when the yard is clear,
because I could be injured
by another inmate.
(sighs)
I was going to call you.
It's okay.
Eric: Inmates make phone calls
all the time.
The warden staff
monitors the calls,
but people can talk
to almost anyone they want to,
as long
as they're not consorting
with criminals
over the telephone.
Sometimes, inmates try to use
code words or certain phrases
that can be used as messages
for use in criminal activity.
But because the phone lines
are monitored so closely,
the warden staff can almost
always figure out when
someone is attempting
illegal conversation.
I've been having
a really hard time.
(sobbing)
- That's a weird thing to say.
- Janice: I'm sorry.
It's a weird thing to say
to someone in prison.
You're right.
Eric: I'm not saying
I didn't do anything wrong.
I did something very wrong.
But it's very bad in here.
I was just telling you something
about how I was doing.
(sniffs)
I want everyone to know
that I have remorse
for what I did.
I want you to make sure
that people know
that I feel remorse.
Who would I tell that to?
Eric:
People don't ask you questions?
Sometimes.
Well, tell them I have remorse
when they ask, all right?
And I'm not just saying
that I have remorse
for legal reasons.
I really do have remorse.
I've been thinking
about what I did
and I feel like what I did...
was very wrong.
I don't talk
to that many people.
I'm not asking you
to find people to talk to.
Only if you do.
I will.
It sounds so stupid
to say that I've been
thinking a lot in here.
Everyone says that, I guess,
or it sounds like something
an inmate would say.
But I have been thinking
about what I did
and I have remorse
for the classmates I killed.
Things got out of control
in my mind.
And I screwed up.
I was packing up
some of your clothes.
I was putting away
some of your father's things
and I was putting away
some of your things
along with them.
When the police were
in your bedroom...
they...
took your hanging clothes
out of the closet.
That's where I told them
I'd hid the guns.
There's nothing much else
in my closet.
You can pack up everything
in my room if you want.
I was only gonna pack up
your clothes.
You can put it all away.
Your father said that there was
a hayride at his church.
That you would have liked
to have gone.
I don't know.
(chuckles)
I talked to the mothers
of the boys you killed.
I thought you said
you didn't talk to anyone.
Pastor Calhan set up
a meeting for the mothers.
All three of them?
Just me, Stephanie Grazer,
and Jill Yardling.
Eric:
Where was Nathan Gates's mom?
She just didn't come.
Maybe she was too upset.
Pastor Calhan set up the meeting
so we could talk to...
talk about what happened
and how we were doing.
What were some of the things
that people said?
They were short meetings.
- You had more than one?
- Not really.
Are you going
to have more meetings?
No.
Why not?
We don't need any more meetings.
There's probably more
to talk about.
There isn't.
Did they ask
if you'd come to see me?
What else did they ask you?
What did you tell them about me?
I wish I could talk to them.
I'd like to tell them
some stuff.
I've talked
to some people here and...
I have my own therapist.
I'd like to tell them
how I feel now.
I wanted to tell you
how I've been.
Eric: You already told me.
I wanted to tell you
what I think.
- Eric: About what?
- About what happened.
You should call it murder.
Janice:
It was different than that.
No, it wasn't different.
I walked into my gym class,
and I murdered Derek Grazer
and Nathan Gates with a pistol.
Then I walked down the hall,
I found Matt Yardling,
and I... I murdered him
with a shotgun.
Three murders.
I'm your mother.
I understand why.
- Eric: Why what?
- Why you did it.
At the time...
I thought I had no choice.
Now, that makes no sense.
- Janice: It does.
- It doesn't.
Those women are hateful,
awful women,
and their children
were hateful, awful children.
What I did was very wrong.
- I shouldn't have shot anyone.
- But you did. You shot them.
I shouldn't have shot them.
You shot them. You killed them.
- Stop.
- They treated me very badly.
Your son killed their children.
You did it.
You killed their children.
I know it was me.
You were protecting yourself.
- I wasn't.
- You had no choice.
Yes, I did.
I had lots of choices.
I could have chosen
literally anything else.
But you didn't.
(breathes heavily)
No person should take
another person's life.
People thought
you were retarded.
When you were a baby...
your head was small
and your eyes were so large.
You would stare blankly
and you rarely cried.
People thought
you were retarded.
- They didn't like you.
- I didn't like them either.
They did
and said awful things to you.
They pushed you
to do what you did.
- No one made me.
- They made you feel awful.
They humiliated you.
They hated you.
They still hate me.
Then what you did
didn't change how they feel.
It only changed how you feel.
You didn't see what I saw.
It was like a war
or a car accident.
Stephanie Grazer says
that it didn't matter
that you came home crying
from school.
- Eric: It didn't matter.
- Yes, it did.
It's not a part of anything
that exists anymore.
Yes, it is. It's a part of me.
Eric: It was me crying, not you.
- It's a part of me.
- (Eric sniffles)
I was just a kid.
- You're a strong boy.
- Eric: Don't say that.
You're a strong boy.
Stop crying.
Eric: I think you should go.
They'll tell me
when my visit is over.
You can tell them
you'd like to leave.
Your father wants me
to let Jesus in my heart.
I can't.
Not the way he wants me to.
Maybe you should.
He also says
that praying can help,
that you can get even
the smallest things you need
through prayer.
Eric: That's great.
I mean praying
can't give you things.
Not like that.
I don't know either way.
Maybe God is helping me.
- God didn't want this.
- But it still happened.
I wish you could have seen
those boys die.
Then you would understand
how I feel.
I saw the inside of those boys.
I shot Matt Yardling
in the face.
- I know.
- I saw his head explode.
I saw Matt's blood
all over the hallway.
- Janice: That's enough!
- I'm explaining something!
Yeah, I know
you're explaining something.
I'm trying to get you
to understand how awful it was.
I know it was awful.
I know about the blood,
and the children
lying on the ground,
and the officers,
and the teachers,
and everything else!
It is a part of me now.
Those deaths are a part of me!
I know what happened.
- No, you don't.
- I know what happened to me.
Eric: Go away.
I will.
Don't come back.
I won't.
Eric: Please...
tell them I feel remorse.
(door opening)
(door closing)
("Positively 4th Street"
by Bob Dylan plays)
You've got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just
Stood there grinnin'
You've got a lotta nerve
To say you got
A helpin' hand to lend
You just want to be
On the side that's winnin'
You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it?
You say
You've lost your faith
But that's not
where it's at
You have no faith to lose
And you know it
I know the reason
That you talked
Behind my back
I used to be Among the
crowd you're in with
Do you take me
For such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one
Who tries to hide
What he don't know
To begin with?
You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?"
"Good luck"
But you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather
See me paralyzed
Why don't you
Just come out once
And scream it
Oh
No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks
You embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them
Oh
I know you're dissatisfied
With your position
And your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem?
I wish
That for just one time
You could stand
Inside my shoes
And just for that
one moment
I could be you
I wish
That for just one time
You could stand
Inside my shoes
You'd know
what a drag it is
To see you
Whoa
You'd know
what a drag it is
To see you
You'd know
what a drag it is
To see you
(song continues playing)
(song concludes)
(melancholy music playing)
(music ends abruptly)
- (indistinct chatter)
- (traffic rumbling)
Oh, I'm sorry.
- (mellow music playing)
- (scanners beeping in distance)
Steve: I love those.
In fact when I was a boy,
I got a box of those
for Christmas.
You would have thought I got
a new bicycle or something.
(chuckles)
But no, this is a box of cereal,
which, if I'm honest,
was actually pretty great.
(chuckles)
I'm just getting groceries.
We've got that in common.
I haven't been ignoring you.
Steve: It's okay.
You can ignore me.
And there's no need
to apologize.
Just call or come by the church
if you ever wanna talk again.
No rush.
Have you, um,
been out to see him yet?
No.
You should do that.
Is he doing okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Steve: You might wanna be
more concerned.
I am concerned.
I mean, he's up there
without any family
- among strangers and...
- Eric killed those boys.
- I... I know.
- He shot them.
You should
try and think
beyond what happened.
Begin thinking about
what comes next.
(sighing) Okay.
I should, uh...
I'm getting taco stuff
for myself. (chuckles)
(imitating Mexican accent)
Taco Tuesday.
(in normal voice)
Let's talk soon. All right?
Okay.
(soft music playing)
(sniffs)
(music fades)
- Ron: Hi.
- Hi.
Ron: Do you need some help
with the groceries?
- No.
- Ron: Okay.
Hey, I was talking
with Lisa Graff,
and she wanted to know
if we wanna come
by their house
over the weekend
for, uh, dinner, maybe.
(keys jingle)
I don't think
I'm up for that just yet.
No? Okay.
Well, I'll let her know tonight.
What's tonight?
Ron: Prayer group...
- at Redeemer.
- (Janice sighs)
She's picking me up.
(car horn honking)
Oh, she's outside.
Um, we're... we're gonna stop
by Sizzling Ann's
for something to eat beforehand.
Do you wanna join?
Get out of the house?
I was just out of the house.
So, no?
No, thank you.
Did... did you want
a neck massage?
No.
(car horn honks)
Oh, Lisa must be in a hurry.
Um...
I'll see you later.
Hi.
(groans)
(indistinct chatter)
Narrator: (on TV)
When tending the hive,
it's best to approach the hive
from behind or from the sides.
Choosing to meet
the hive head-on
is something to avoid
since bees enter and exit
via the front.
This mistake can also send
an alarm of danger to the hive,
which will trigger throughout,
causing every bee to react.
(sniffles)
Narrator: If one finds
they can only approach
from the front,
all protection is advised
and the hive
must not be jostled.
Great care should be taken
for the hive to stay calm
during any sort of upheaval.
(insects chirping)
(skateboard rolling)
(indistinct chatter)
teenage girl:
Yeah, it's probably good.
- What? Yeah.
- (indistinct chatter)
teenage girl:
Which one are you guys
is bringing the beer?
teenage boy 1:
I can get it. Right down there.
Yeah, I have my ID, my fake one.
- Oh, you do?
- Yeah!
- Oh, that's great.
- Let's do it.
teenage girl:
Where are we gonna go?
teenage boy 2:
We can go to my place.
teenage girl:
Are your parents out of town?
teenage boy 2:
No, my mom's not home.
For how long?
What?
(melancholy music playing)
(foot stomps, scrapes sidewalk)
- (traffic roaring)
- (car horn honking)
(locker door opens, closes)
(machine clicks)
Sheila: Janice?
Janice: Hi, Sheila.
You clocking in today?
Yeah, I thought it was time
I got out of the house.
Sheila: You sure?
I just thought you told me
you'd call first. (chuckles)
I've, uh... I've switched
some folks around
since your last day at work.
But yeah, if you want,
I can put you out on the floor.
- Great.
- Sheila: Okay.
Just give me a second,
I'll... I'll figure it out.
(indistinct chatter)
customer: Hey. Oh, excuse me.
Could you help me
with something?
Sure.
customer: Hey.
I'm sorry.
Uh, let me call someone
who works in this department.
customer: I just had
a quick question.
(sighs)
Okay.
Which one of these
would you recommend?
Which?
- customer: Yeah.
- Janice: For what?
Well, you know, whatever.
I'm sorry, I really don't know.
- customer: You don't know?
- No, I don't.
customer: Okay.
- What about that one?
- I don't have a key.
So, if you wanna see something,
I'm gonna have to call
someone else to help you.
I don't want someone else
to help. I want you to help.
I don't have keys!
(customer chuckles)
- You work here, don't you?
- What are you doing?
I mean, can you help me or not?
Hello, sir.
Uh, what... what did you need?
- Candles.
- (chuckles)
Jack: Follow me.
(indistinct announcement
over PA)
(melancholy music playing)
- (keyboard keys clacking)
- (phone ringing)
Trying to hypnotize your lunch?
(chuckles)
- Oh, Lisa. Hi, hi.
- (Lisa sighs)
I was just stretching my legs.
It's a nice walk over here
from Human Resources.
Ron: Yeah, yeah.
That was a good prayer meeting
at Redeemer the other night,
- huh? (sighs)
- Hmm.
Lisa: I just could feel
the spirit of the Lord
as soon as we walked in
for worship.
Ron: Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's a good group of people,
isn't it?
Oh, it... it... it really is.
It really is.
Ben Estes, though.
- He's a little over-the-top...
- (Ron chuckles)
- ...isn't he? (laughs)
- (laughs)
- I don't know.
- I mean, Ben adores his coffee,
but he was bouncing off
the walls.
- (laughs)
- A little bit. (laughs)
- Like hallelujah's everywhere.
- Yeah. Yeah.
But everybody has their vices,
though, right?
Yeah, well, I... I guess so.
- Hmm.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hmm.
- Hmm. (chuckles)
So, did you get a chance
to bring up Pastor Verne's
suggestion to Janice?
Uh, not yet. Not yet.
Lisa: Mm-hmm, yeah.
Pastor Verne's a little anxious,
you know?
- And rightly so, with all of...
- Yeah.
- ...the lingering emotions.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, of course.
So, could I give him
a message...
- or some kind of like...
- Mm.
- ...an update, maybe?
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, yeah. Uh...
Um, I...
I'll talk to Janice tonight.
Yeah. We'll see what she says.
Good.
Yeah. Okay.
- Good.
- All right.
- (chuckles)
- (chuckles) Great. Thanks.
Thank you. Thank you.
- (Ron gulps)
- Hmm.
This is probably entirely
inappropriate for work,
but I'm the human resources
manager, so I make the rules.
(both laugh)
And also, Jesus loves hugs.
Hugs are nice.
- They are.
- Hmm.
(chuckles)
Steve: A few years ago,
there was a man
in our congregation
who told me
he couldn't leave his house.
He was scared of plants
or clouds or something.
But after a while,
and after some work on himself,
he convinced himself
to go outside.
Oh.
Steve: What I'm saying is,
you need to give yourself
enough time to heal.
I just wanna understand
why I'm feeling
the way that I'm feeling.
Steve: I'm not gonna tell you
how you should be feeling.
Well, you're feeling the need
to see what steps you need
to take in order to feel better.
Maybe we should talk
about my suggestion.
I'm very serious about it.
And I've spoken to the principal
of the high school
and a number
of counselors. And...
I think if we're gonna do this,
we should do it right
and we should do it soon.
We don't want
these wounds to get infected.
And by that I mean...
we all need to heal.
I just don't know
if I'm ready yet.
Steve: How could you be ready?
Being ready implies
that you'd be prepared
for the outcome.
Maybe you could talk to Ron,
see what he says.
I know he hasn't been attending
services here for a while.
But I don't want to lose touch
with Ron or his feelings.
And I don't want Ron to feel
like I don't think
what he thinks isn't important
just 'cause he's over
at Redeemer.
- Okay.
- Steve: It's just...
there's more
than just you involved.
There's also
three other mothers,
including two of the mothers
who are members of this church.
I don't mean to sound confused.
You don't sound confused.
I'm just not sure
I'm making any sense.
(Steve chuckles)
You... you just said
the same thing twice,
that you think
you sound confusing
and you think
you're not making any sense.
Wh... Which is fine.
You can say
the same thing twice,
or three times,
or however many times
you wanna say it.
Saying things
is why we're talking.
And this meeting
I'm talking about
would also be a great place
for you to do the same thing.
It's something
that will help you
figure everything out.
It really will.
- (sighs)
- I promise.
(birds chirping)
(melancholy music playing)
(Janice sighs)
(inhales sharply)
(sniffles)
(sniffs)
(breathes shakily)
(ominous melody playing)
(melancholy music resumes)
(sniffs)
(sniffs)
(indistinct chatter on TV)
(sighs)
I was watching television.
You said you were gonna
help me with the laundry.
Yeah, I know. I know.
Are these my old ones
from the bottom drawer?
Yeah, I'm gonna box 'em up
with some shirts
I got from Eric's room.
You... you went in his room?
Oh.
Okay.
(chuckles) I had a pop.
When I was at Redeemer
the other night with Lisa Graff,
I talked to Bill Verne
and his wife.
And a few other people.
Laura Gates was there.
We did a laying of hands.
We prayed.
I think I'm really starting
to understand more
about the Lord's path for me
every day.
What are you understanding?
More about the Lord's path.
Wh... What exactly
are you understanding
about the Lord's path?
Stuff...
about my life.
I wake up every morning
and I put Jesus in my heart.
And I know that I can lay down
my burdens
and He will carry them for me.
Do you have any more old clothes
you want me to put out back?
I don't think so.
Janice:
Will you check the closet?
Yeah, sure.
Hey, you know, um...
when... when, uh, Lisa Graff
and I were at Sizzling Ann's
before last night's meeting,
there was this man
at... at another table
who was listening to...
to music on his headphones.
And he had it
- turned up so loud...
- (tense music playing)
...that everyone
in the restaurant
could hear him.
And... and... and Lisa, she...
she covered her ears,
like... like she was in pain.
Like the man's music
was causing her
to actually receive pain.
And I... I told Lisa
that the man was almost done
with his hamburger.
And then I...
I leaned toward her...
and I held her.
I shut my eyes...
and prayed.
I prayed
for the man to leave.
I asked God
to make the man's music stop,
make him go away.
Just shut everything
out of my mind and prayed.
And then I opened my eyes...
- (music concludes)
- ...the man was gone.
(chuckles)
Afterwards, Lisa said,
"Anything can happen
with the grace of the Lord.
Through trial,
you achieve grace."
A man listening to loud music
at Sizzling Ann's
isn't much of a trial.
Well, anything can be a trial.
It... it doesn't have to be
something horrible
- to be a trial.
- Jesus isn't your bodyguard.
He doesn't exist
to protect you and Lisa Graff
from annoying, loud music.
But through trial...
you achieve grace.
I talked to Pastor Calhan today.
Okay.
He wants me to meet
with the other mothers.
Well, uh... Maybe, um,
you should talk to Bill Verne
over at Redeemer instead.
You see, he told me he wants
to meet with the mothers, too.
And it... it would be
a much better meeting with Bill.
So, I...
Well, I... I think you should
do that one instead.
Don't you?
(pensive music playing)
(door closes)
(grunts)
(insects chirping)
(coffee pot clinks)
(music fades)
(whistles)
(sighs)
(grunts) Oh. Sorry.
It's a little cramped in here,
isn't it? (chuckles)
When I first came
to First Presbyterian,
I had a difficult time finding
even a place for my trash can.
(laughs)
But... I don't know.
I like it.
It's cramped
but it's comfortable.
(sighs)
I really appreciate
you coming in today, though.
It says something.
You doing that.
Have you ever played,
uh, Ungame?
The Ungame game?
Um, it's a... it's a card game,
um...
where you can learn
a lot about yourself.
(drawer closes)
Steve: It's a learning game.
I don't have the actual Ungame,
but I wrote down how it goes.
I just use regular cards.
It's basically the same thing.
It's like a trick.
A trick that teaches.
Don't touch the cards. Oh.
Um...
Oh, okay.
Uh. Hmm. Please, go ahead
and reveal your first card.
Hmm. Five of diamonds.
Okay, five of diamonds. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Describe
how you put on your shoes
and socks in the morning.
I should answer that?
Yes.
Describe how you put on
your shoes and socks
in the morning.
I put on my socks
and then I put on my shoes.
Steve: Mm-hmm.
Do you sit down?
Yes.
Where?
On a chair, or I sit on the bed.
Hmm.
And is it right foot
and then left,
or the other way around?
Uh, I guess right.
Steve: But not always
the right, though.
- No.
- Hmm!
- (laughs)
- (Steve laughs)
(chuckles) Hmm.
Steve: Ten of clubs.
Clubbety, club, club, club.
Ah, ten of clubs.
Ah. Describe
your significant other's
hair color in detail.
Hmm.
Okay, that's more
of a couple's card.
Let's do this one.
Ten of hearts. Ten of hearts,
ten of hearts, ten of hearts.
So many tens.
Ten of hearts. Okay.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Tell the group
about your favorite vacation.
There's no group,
so you can just tell me instead.
Vacation.
Favorite vacation.
Close your eyes.
Imagine it.
Imagine it
and tell me what you see.
When Eric was seven,
we took a trip to Leech Lake
- in Minnesota.
- (mellow music playing)
Steve: Leech Lake
was the name of the lake?
Janice: Yes.
Steve: Okay.
What was there to do
at Leech Lake?
We brought a tent,
and we went fishing.
We'd take walks
through the woods,
searching for things.
Steve: That must have been nice.
On one of our walks,
we came across this...
giant mushroom.
It looked like a little table.
It was cut, so it had
a puddle of water in it.
Steve: I bet you
didn't go swimming, though.
We did go swimming.
Steve: Weren't there leeches
in the lake?
Janice: They were little.
You could get 'em
off with salt.
Eric had some between his toes.
Eric was bleeding?
The leeches
were attached to him.
- He bled just a little.
- So, he was bleeding?
Why are you asking me that?
I'm just trying to help you
better imagine your vacation.
What does him bleeding
have to do
with me imagining my vacation?
I'm sorry. I've made you angry.
- I'm not angry!
- Steve: I'm sorry.
I know, I know!
I'm not!
I don't wanna play
this card game anymore.
(indistinct chatter)
- Maggie said you were here.
- Oh, Pastor. I hope it's okay.
Popping over
on your lunch break?
- (chuckles)
- Yeah, yeah, just for a minute.
Have a seat.
What can I do you for?
Uh, well, um...
Uh, first, I...
I would just like to thank you.
Thank me for?
For your guidance.
(laughs)
Look up
a pastor's job description,
and the word "guidance"
is the first thing you'll see.
Well... (chuckles)
Still, though, it, um...
It means a lot to me.
So, thank you.
- You're welcome, Ron. But...
- (distant laughter)
That can't be the only reason
you came all the way down here.
- What else is on your mind?
- (clears throat)
Well, um, honestly, I... I...
I came down to say...
or to tell you...
yes.
Bill: "Yes"?
To your meeting...
with the mothers.
You say yes?
Yes. I say yes.
Yeah.
So, you talked it over
with your wife,
and she says yes?
I will,
and she will say yes.
But I... I came down
to let you know
that I do say yes.
Bill: Good.
Good.
Okay. Well...
Wonderful!
- (chuckles)
- Bill: That's great!
- Thank you for telling me.
- No, thank you, Pastor.
Thank you.
(chuckles)
Ron, I do need to get back
- to a few things.
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- Of course.
- No, no, no. Uh...
No worries, but...
If you don't mind,
let me give you a little...
additional guidance.
Yeah.
You need to let your wife know
her place in all this.
- Okay.
- In the Bible,
1 Timothy says...
"Let a woman learn quietly
with all submissiveness
and not exercise authority
over man.
For if a man
cannot manage his own household,
how will he ever care
for God's church?"
Understand?
Yeah.
I think so.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I think so.
- Good!
(chuckles)
- Good. Okay.
- Okay.
Well...
I got to get back to it.
Churches don't keep themselves
- open, do they? (laughs)
- (laughs) I suppose not.
Uh, you stay here
as long as you want.
There's fresh coffee
out here, too.
It's pretty good!
- Ron: Thank you again, Pastor.
- Bill: Yeah.
(indistinct chatter)
- (PA beeps)
- (indistinct chatter over PA)
(sighs)
(somber music playing)
(coughs)
(music concludes)
(car door opening)
- (car door closing)
- Ron: See you tomorrow.
(Ron whistling)
- (exhales deeply)
- (door opening)
Ron: Why are you
sitting here in the dark?
(door closing)
That's better.
I wanted to talk to you.
Ron: All right.
(sighs)
I made a decision.
Ron: What about?
I'm going to the meeting
Steve Calhan is setting up
with the mothers.
- You are?
- Janice: Yes.
You just decided right now?
What about the meeting
with Bill Verne at Redeemer?
I made my decision.
You know...
those other mothers...
they're just waiting
to judge you.
But the Lord...
He's the only one who can judge.
And the only thing you should do
is leave yourself open
- to healing and praying.
- Oh, stop it!
- Stop what?
- Stop talking to me like that!
I'm not in Sunday school!
I'm not a child!
I don't think you understand.
I understand more
than you think I do.
I don't think you know
what you think.
Do you think I'm stupid?
- Jesus knows the bad things...
- Oh!
...Eric did. Jesus wants Eric
to ask for forgiveness.
Now, the Bible is filled
with stories of people
who were unclean
that Jesus lifted up
and made clean again.
And then Eric can enter
the kingdom of heaven.
When he dies!
All it takes is time,
and prayer,
and a group
of loving individuals.
Eric took a shotgun
and a handgun to school
and he shot those three boys!
Jesus was with him.
And then Eric left school,
and he came here,
and he watched television
on the couch!
Jesus was with him then, too.
Jesus was with Eric
watching television?
- Jesus is with him always.
- Oh, Jesus is everywhere!
(dishes clattering)
I refuse to let you go
to that meeting
with Steve Calhan.
Get out of my way.
You're going
to the meeting at Redeemer.
End of discussion.
Steve: This is Steve Calhan
and you've reached
my mobile voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Thanks in advance.
(voicemail beeps)
Hi, Steve. This is Janice La...
(cell phone vibrating)
Steve: Uh, Jan... Janice?
Just saw you're calling.
Janice: Yeah. Hi, Steve.
Good morning.
I... I wanted to let you know
I think you should go ahead
and set up your meeting.
For me and the other mothers.
You want me to try
and set it up?
Janice: Yes. I do very much.
Well, that's great news.
Okay.
Um, I'm in my car right now.
What's your next week look like?
Next week? That soon?
Uh. (chuckles)
Steve: We don't wanna
let these wounds
continue to get infected.
Okay.
- Fine, next week.
- Steve: Great.
And congratulations
on making this decision, Janice.
Sincerely.
Now, if I can just get
the other mothers
as motivated as you are. Okay?
Right.
Steve: And talk soon?
Talk soon.
Bye.
Yes!
Yeah!
(gospel music playing)
Bill: Take control!
Come on now, I've had it!
This is a bunch of nonsense!
Take control!
Snap! It's that easy.
Do it with me! Snap!
All of you now!
You kids in the back, snap!
Just like that.
It's that easy. Snap!
Take control of your lives.
Let peace enter your heart.
Let peace flow like a river
and wash over you,
wash over you.
And save you
from the evils of men.
Jesus will fill your heart
with light and love.
Jesus will make your life whole.
He is the love
and the light of the world.
Praise His holy name.
Oh, Jesus
He will rise
He will rise again
His light will save us all
Oh, hallelujah
His holy name
Will sound among...
(babbling indistinctly)
Oh, hallelujah
Oh, hallelujah
(Laura continues babbling)
His light will cleanse
The world
(laughs)
Forevermore
Bill: To those in pain...
Jesus will fill your hearts
to overflowing.
His blood will heal you.
Come down.
Lay your burdens
by the roadside
and let Jesus carry them.
Forever and always.
Come down.
He will carry your burdens.
Come down and be saved!
choir: Oh, Jesus...
The Lord is with you. Bless you.
Come here, darling.
God bless you.
Come here, son.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
Hello, dear. Bless you.
The Lord be with you.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you, sir.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
The Lord is with you.
The Lord is with you.
God bless you.
Oh, the little ones.
Come here.
What a precious moment.
The Lord be with you.
The Lord... Lord be with you.
Oh, what a treasure!
(birds chirping)
(phone ringing in distance)
(sighs)
(indistinct chatter)
Janice: Hi, Wilma.
Hi.
Janice: Hi. It's Janice.
Janice Larue.
I... I used to live next door
to you when I was a girl.
Oh, Janice!
- Janice: Hmm.
- Hello.
Janice: (softly) Hi.
I, um, just wanted to stop by
and see how you were.
Oh, well, I'm...
fine.
Your room looks nice.
It's not really.
I like your hair.
Oh, thank you.
Janice: (chuckles)
It looks really pretty.
Stephanie, hi.
What are you doing here?
- (scoffs)
- Stephanie, please wait!
What are you on? Some kind
of reconnaissance mission
for Pastor Steve?
No.
I spoke to him
on the phone this morning
about his meeting idea.
Janice: Good.
I didn't know what to say.
I said yes.
That we shouldn't
let these wounds continue
to get infected.
"Infected"?
That's what Steve said.
That's what
this is supposed to do?
- Cure the infection?
- Steve's just trying to help.
(scoffs)
It's almost time
for Mrs. Kentworthy's lunch.
Oh.
So, if you could leave
Wilma alone?
Janice: Sure. Okay.
And don't come down here
with the pretense...
Janice: I'm sorry.
But will you
just think about it?
Steve's meeting?
Oh! I... I feel all like...
I mean, when I saw you
holding Laura Gates...
- Yeah. Yeah.
- And she spoke in tongues.
I knew right then.
Right?
And when you were
with Pastor Verne at the altar.
- Oh!
- Accepting Jesus
- into your heart!
- Yeah, it just washed,
- washed...
- Washed over you?
Ron: ...over me. Yeah, yeah.
- Like a...
- Like a rainstorm.
Like a rainstorm.
Exactly! Like a rainstorm.
- Lisa: Washing away your sins!
- Yeah, yeah.
I feel crazy. I... I really do.
I feel Jesus crazy.
- "Jesus crazy"? (laughs)
- (Ron laughs)
Yeah, yeah. Jesus crazy!
- (laughs)
- Whoo-hoo!
(Lisa laughs)
Oh, gosh!
(both laughing)
Thank you.
Thank you so much for the ride.
I hope I didn't put
your husband down.
- That's really no problem.
- Okay.
Thank you for today.
You're the one you should thank.
No. You.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- (mellow music playing)
Always remember, Ron.
Jesus is love.
- (chuckles)
- (Lisa chuckles)
And God said,
"My grace,
it's sufficient for you.
For my power is made perfect
in your times of weakness."
I should go.
(car door opening)
- Okay.
- I'm sorry, that's right.
- I'll see you soon.
- (car door closing)
- (grunts)
- Janice: Ron?
Are you okay?
Ron: Yeah.
- (toilet flushing)
- (sighs)
Sheila: Thanks for coming down
on such short notice, Janice.
This is an informal discussion,
but we thought it best
as your direct supervisors
- that we should talk before...
- I get that you've been
through hell lately, okay?
Okay, Jack, let's step back
from the profanity.
- Jack: What profanity?
- The H-word.
I... I just can't have
any more surprises
in my department, right?
I mean, I have enough issues
with Pam Gidding's pregnancy
and Wesley Cooper's
"drug rehab,"
and Malcolm Jansen's
liver thing,
- and now we...
- Okay, Jack, stop.
I'm just saying, I don't think
it's a good idea
having you come in...
- I'm meeting with the mothers.
- ...and disrupt business.
You're meeting with who?
Janice: I'm meeting
with the mothers
of the boys that Eric killed.
Seriously?
Pastor Calhan
at First Presbyterian set it up.
Sheila: Wow, Janice!
That's a good step.
As Gregor Steffsten says,
"First step, commit to change.
Second step, change to commit."
Have you prepared yourself
for what they're gonna say?
They're gonna be assholes
in that meeting.
You might wanna think
about that.
Janice can think
whatever she wants.
And I think
that if you feel better
after that meeting,
we can work on getting you
your regular hours
at your normal job.
How's that sound?
"If you gaze too long
into the abyss,
the abyss gazes also into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
- Okay, Jack, really?
Somebody should put that
on a goddamn poster.
(somber music playing)
(birds chirping)
(music fades)
It's getting so hot, isn't it?
(sniffs)
Hmm. Humid, too.
So close to the 4th,
you can feel it.
It's sort of sticky. (chuckles)
I remember one 4th
when I was eight, or nine,
it was over a hundred degrees.
You remember that year?
And my family went down
to see the fireworks.
You know, it was still so hot.
There was
a big bunch of people there.
They we were doing those, um...
Sparklers. (chuckles)
And I stepped on a...
on a used one. (laughs)
Oh my gosh, it hurt. (laughs)
I screamed and my dad put water
on my foot.
Almost completely
ruined the holiday.
(door opening)
Steve: Still no answer.
Did either of you speak
to Stephanie or Laura Gates?
They both confirmed
they were coming?
- (cell phone buzzing)
- Ah, Stephanie.
Hello, Stephanie.
Yes, is everything okay?
Uh-huh.
Had a dentist appointment
going on.
Okay. Well, no problem.
Let's reschedule.
How's tomorrow sound?
Tomorrow should work.
Steve: Janice, tomorrow?
Sure.
Steve: Okay, great.
Okay.
Okay, Stephanie, bye.
Okay. Well...
see you both tomorrow.
Sorry.
- Bye.
- (chuckles)
- Oh. Hi, Ron.
- Hey.
Uh, can we chat for a moment
in the conference room?
Um, what, now?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Have a seat.
So, uh, what's up?
First...
I wanted to apologize to you.
I think I did
something inappropriate.
No. No, no, you... you...
you didn't do anything wrong.
Lisa: Sometimes,
I have to remind myself
that not everything
is for everybody, right?
So...
I'm sorry.
Really.
Do you forgive me?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
No problem at all.
Lisa: Great. Great.
- Thank you.
- Lisa: Second...
(clears throat)
(sighs) I wanted to share
something with you.
Oh.
I believe something big
is about to happen.
I can sense
that you're special, Ron.
God has a plan for you.
And I believe it's connected
to Redeemer and your son.
And the light I see around you.
I see you...
glowing with light.
Do you?
God gave me a gift,
a special gift.
The ability to see
what's special about people,
to see their light.
(chuckles softly)
Wow. (chuckles)
Lisa:
This all happened to you
for a reason, Ron.
I know it.
- You do?
- I do.
With all my heart.
And now...
I think it's time for you
to say what you believe
and to do
what you feel is necessary
to walk the walk
and talk the talk.
- Okay.
- Trust me.
- Okay.
- Trust me, I see it.
You have the light.
You can do...
anything.
(mellow music playing)
- (sighs, chuckles)
- (chuckles)
- Whoo-hoo!
- (both laugh)
Okay. Hmm. Okay.
- Okay.
- We better get back to work.
Janice: Jill Yardling
was nice to me today.
- (cutlery clinking)
- Oh, yeah?
Stephanie Grazer
couldn't make it,
so we're going to postpone.
Well, that's probably
for the best.
Why?
Well, Steve Calhan is going
through a lot right now.
A lot of what?
Well, he's divorced.
That makes him distracted.
Possibly even hostile.
Steve Calhan...
is not hostile.
I'm just saying,
maybe the meeting
is too much for him
to handle right now.
I can't talk about this
with you anymore.
Okay.
- Then let's talk about Eric.
- Janice: No.
- Criminals...
- Criminals?
Not criminals, but...
Eric didn't have anything else
in his room.
The police, they... they took
everything out of the closet.
They cut open his mattress.
They...
- That's what they do, though.
- To criminals?
No, I mean...
What do you mean, Ron?
Please tell me, Ron.
I would love to know
exactly what you mean.
(sighs)
There was this time when Eric
and I went to go fishing...
when he was ten. And, um...
on the way there,
I... I was gonna explain to him
about...
men and women.
Uh, nature, you know?
But I got so nervous.
So, I... I couldn't...
I... I ended up...
I ended up just listening to
the news on the radio instead.
Why did you just tell me
about that?
(clicks tongue)
You're trying
to understand things about Eric.
And so am I.
Janice: I don't wanna hear
any explanations.
I'm... I'm not explaining.
I don't wanna be shown anything.
That's...
that's not what I'm doing.
I like my First Presbyterian!
- I never said you didn't.
- I like Pastor Calhan!
Everyone at Redeemer
loves each other.
I don't want love!
I didn't mean love.
I meant... I... I meant...
Jesus raising a joyful noise
to the Lord!
(sighs)
Everything okay?
Janice: Yes.
(melancholy music playing)
We praise
Your holy name, Lord Jesus.
And thank You for our time
together this evening.
Let us now
go out into the world
as brothers and sisters,
bringing Your light with us.
Shining Your light
into the darkness...
and helping give shelter
to all who need it.
In the Lord's name...
all praise and glory to You.
Amen.
- group: Amen.
- Amen. Praise to Jesus.
- Alrighty. (groans)
- (indistinct chatter)
(Bill sighs)
Ron.
Thanks so much
for coming tonight.
I know this all must be
very difficult for you,
but you're doing great.
- Thank you, Pastor.
- And I know, I've been there.
Accepting Jesus Christ
into your heart, it's like...
It's like
He moved into your house,
but your house is crammed
with all sorts of old stuff.
Mm-hmm.
My advice is trust Jesus
and us here at Redeemer
to help you...
- Yeah.
- ...do the heavy lifting.
Okay.
And, hey,
why don't you go talk to Laura?
I bet she could use some help
with her heavy lifting.
Yeah. Thank you.
- Laura, hi.
- Hi, Ron.
Ron: Hi.
That was a...
- It was a good meeting.
- (chuckles) Yes, it was.
Yeah.
And...
I, uh...
(sobs)
Oh gosh.
No, it's all right, Ron.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
(in a strained voice)
It's not all right.
(sobs) My son killed your boy.
My son, Nathan,
is with Jesus, Ron.
- (sobs)
- Nathan is smiling.
He's protected from pain.
He's living with Him
in paradise.
- How do I know?
- (sobs)
Nathan told me.
He spoke to me from his place
in heaven among the stars.
- (sobs)
- He tells me he loves me,
that he's bathed
in Christ's eternal light,
and I will see him again soon.
(Ron sobs)
Oh, stop. Please don't.
Stop crying and be happy.
Be happy for Nathan.
Be happy for me.
It's all right. Really.
- Oh.
- Really, it's all right.
I just...
I just wish there was something
I could do for you.
Laura: Oh, it's okay.
Something that would...
something that would help.
(softly) It's okay.
(sobs)
- It's all right.
- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Laura: It's all right, Ron.
(Ron sobs)
Would... would you like
a neck massage?
- A neck massage?
- Mm-hmm.
Sure. That sounds nice.
Okay. (sniffles)
(mutters indistinctly)
(breathes deeply)
(sighs)
(mellow music playing)
- (indistinct chatter)
- (music continues)
(cell phone beeps)
Okay.
(sighs)
Thank you, you two,
for being here.
I know
getting together at night...
can be difficult.
Fixing dinner,
finding a sitter and...
We should start.
What about Laura Gates?
Steve: I've attempted
to reach out to her,
but I haven't been able
to get a hold of her.
How about then we just start?
Oh, uh...
- Okay.
- Steve: Sure.
So, how's everyone doing?
I don't have
a set of rules for this...
so I'm just gonna try
and do my best.
I'm not sure
which way is best, though,
when you're talking about
what we plan on
talking about. It's... it's a...
It's a sensitive situation.
Being sensitive, maybe that
would be a good place to start.
Does everyone feel
like they're feeling sensitive?
Hmm?
I guess
I've been feeling sensitive,
or more sensitive.
Mm-hmm. I don't mean emotional.
(sighs) I mean sensitive,
like overly sensitive.
Janice, how about you?
Maybe.
It might be a good idea
if we could be
as clear as we can
when verbally
expressing ourselves.
Are we still talking about
being sensitive?
Steve: Yes.
Janice, I...
I've been wanting to, um,
tell you that I'm...
I'm trying to understand
and... (sighs)
...forgive your, uh,
family for what
your son has done.
That's great.
What have you been doing
in order to reach that?
I'm sorry.
Steve: Stop there.
Apologies don't create
discussions, they end them.
At home, I can think of
all these things to say, but...
right now, I'm a blank.
Just say whatever you wanna say.
I'm saying at home I can think
like I'm talking to someone...
but it gets too specific
when there are...
others in the room.
"Specific" how?
Specifically, there's the mother
of the boy who...
killed my son.
Steve:
Just say what's on your mind.
Stephanie: Nothing's on my mind.
That's what I'm saying.
I guess I miss Matt's friends.
We should try to keep to topics
that include all of us.
Matt was shot in the face.
He was shot in the...
in the side of the face,
and... and...
half his jaw
and his cheek were shredded.
I don't wanna talk about that.
I don't know.
I don't even know
why I said that.
It's good that you said that.
Your son did that.
Steve: But Janice didn't.
I don't wanna talk about
what happened to my son.
Janice: I don't know
where Eric got the guns.
The police said
that he got the guns
from someone
in our neighborhood.
He said he got the guns
from some guy he didn't know.
And I just can't think of anyone
in our neighborhood
who would sell him guns.
Steve:
You don't need to explain.
We all understand
your involvement.
My involvement?
That you weren't involved.
(cell phone vibrating)
Oh, I'm so sorry.
My... my daughter
is throwing up.
Um, the...
the sitter is there, but...
but... (sighs)
I... I should, um...
So what? We're... we're...
we're supposed to...
Steve: Well,
since Laura isn't here, I mean,
to be continued.
Janice.
You gave Janice a ride?
Steve: Well,
she didn't have her car.
- That's weird.
- How's that weird?
Well, it seems unfair,
both of you in your car.
It's like you formed some kind
of game plan for the meeting.
That is wholly untrue.
And I suppose, full disclosure,
Janice and I have met
before this meeting, but...
I'm here if anyone
ever wants to talk to me.
Janice came to me a while ago,
because she needed to talk.
If either of you had ever wanted
to talk to me before tonight,
you could have done so,
but you didn't.
So, I put this together
so all of us could talk.
I... I want all of us
to begin healing.
To begin talking and healing.
I swear, we are going
to manage this thing...
together.
Just, unfortunately,
not right now.
Sorry. Come on, Janice.
And you can let yourself...
I'm... (sighs)
I'm sorry. I... I have to go.
(insects chirping)
Thanks for driving.
I hope your daughter
feels better.
Me, too.
Fingers crossed. Janice, wait.
I want you to know
you can count on me
through this whole thing.
You're gonna come through
the other side of this
and everything
is gonna be better.
(melancholy music playing)
- Okay.
- Do you believe me?
Yes. I believe you.
Good night.
Good night.
- (Ron laughing)
- (indistinct chatter on TV)
(laughs)
(laughs)
(chuckling)
(coughing)
(lighter clicks)
(groans)
- (truck engine rumbling)
- (indistinct shouting)
(pants)
(car engine starting)
(sighs)
Jack: Janice,
I needed to talk to you
- before you went in.
- I'm late for work, Jack.
What? (chuckles)
I'm your boss, so, yeah,
I'm aware that you're late,
but we need to talk.
Sheila and I
have been talking about you
and things in my department,
and customer service,
and, you know,
what went on the other day,
and... and well,
we've decided...
Well, we... we decided
we need to extend your leave.
But I'm not on leave anymore.
That was a mistake.
We need to correct that mistake
and put you back on leave.
- Why?
- Geez, come on! Really?
I don't mind working
in the stockroom.
There's this thing that happens
when you're here
at work, Janice.
This weird, disconcerting vibe
that takes over everything.
And, hey, I'm only thinking
of... of your mental state.
All of our mental states.
(vape hissing)
Things aren't cool as of yet
with you coming down here.
Now, that's just facts.
And, look, I'm not telling you
that you need
to stay away forever.
I mean, an extra two months
maybe or four months?
And I...
I promise I will do my best
to save your spot
in the department
for when you come back, okay?
Please don't do this.
Jack: I know
how you must be feeling,
but you... you need to go home
and take care of yourself.
My pastor told me about a man
who wouldn't come out
of his house,
because he was afraid to leave
until one day
he finally came out.
Inside, outside,
it... it doesn't matter to me
what you do,
but you just can't come here.
- (sighs)
- Jack: Maybe read a book.
Or meditate.
You'll figure it out.
(tense music playing)
- (door opening)
- Ron: Hello?
(door closing)
Ron: Hi.
Why aren't you at work?
Ron: Well, it's 5:30.
I just got home.
What are you doing?
Uh.
Finishing up.
Where were you this morning?
I... I couldn't find you.
(sighs)
A few weeks ago,
they had a hayride
for the youth group at Redeemer.
I think Eric would have liked
to have gone on that.
I drove the van up to this place
that has hayrides
and the kids all sang hymns.
When they got there, they piled
into this trailer full of hay
that was being pulled
by a tractor.
The kids, uh,
just sat in the hay.
Well, everyone had a...
everyone had a great time.
I need to finish.
When's your next meeting
with Steve?
Soon.
Bill Verne
has set up his meeting
with the mothers for next week.
Laura Gates
has already committed to going.
It will be a much better meeting
at Redeemer.
Pastor Verne, he will
get out the anointed oil.
He'll do a laying of hands.
And then... then you can
all give your burdens
over to Jesus.
- I don't wanna do that.
- But all of the pain,
all of the... the...
the confusion,
everything that...
that was making us feel bad,
sick to our stomach even,
all of that will be gone.
Gone forever.
It is...
It... it's like you're dying
in the desert
and then, suddenly, you're given
an... an endless cup of water,
and you can just drink,
and drink, and drink,
and never be thirsty again.
- That sounds terrible.
- No.
Actually,
it's the opposite of terrible.
How does handing over
my burdens help?
Because... because Jesus
takes your burdens from you.
- But when does he
give 'em back?
- No, he... he keeps them.
Why?
Because he doesn't want you
to have them anymore.
Well, what if I still need them?
What do you need
your burdens for?
I'm still trying to understand
because they're my burdens!
Don't... don't get angry.
- I'm not angry.
- You're shouting.
I'm not shouting.
- Yes, you are. You are.
- No, I'm not.
I need to...
Can you leave me alone?
No.
- Go.
- I'm trying to help you see
that things could be better
with Jesus in your heart.
It's not such a bad thing.
You will have immediate peace.
I don't want immediate peace.
I can help you.
- Let's pray. Yes, you do.
- I don't wanna pray.
- No, no, no.
- Let's pray.
- Fucking back away from me.
Fucking get away!
- Don't talk like that.
- Stop cursing.
- You're not helping me!
Janice, calm down! Calm down!
- Janice!
- Back the fuck up!
- Janice!
- Get away!
(Ron groans)
(door closing)
(Steve praying quietly)
(sighs)
Okay, let's go, Steve.
Steve: How about we talk
about some of the things
we've been thinking about
since the trial?
Um, I've been thinking about,
uh, this time that Matt was home
from the hospital
after he had his tonsils out.
He was sick
and he had to stay home in bed.
My son had a burst appendix
when he was 13.
Oh.
I don't wanna talk
about hospitals.
Steve: Mm-hmm. Okay.
Jill: I'm so sorry. I'm...
I keep bringing up things
I don't even wanna talk about.
Steve: It's fine.
Jill: Everything is just so...
mixed up.
Um...
Everything I think is so unclear
and... and mixed up.
I feel the same way.
Jill: My son is gone
and I'm not sure
what that means.
I feel the same.
- I'm not sure you do.
- Your son isn't gone, Janice.
He killed my son, Jill's son,
and Laura Gates's son,
but your son is sitting
in a prison cell.
Your son is alive.
- I know he's...
- Stephanie: Alive.
I know he's alive.
I know he's alive.
You haven't been
to visit him yet, though.
So...
- You haven't been to see him?
- I have.
Let's not lie to each other.
I told you that in private.
There's a difference
between those families
that your son affected
and your own family.
I know there is a difference.
Then know that I blame you...
Steve: Okay.
Your family,
as well as your son.
Wait, let's stop.
I told Janice
that this discussion
would not be about blame.
Stephanie:
And this is very frustrating.
Jill: No, don't be frustrated.
Stephanie: I only wanna say
what's on my mind.
I just wanna understand what
I am supposed to be feeling now,
just like what you're doing.
- Go to hell.
- Steve: None of that.
None of that.
This is an open discussion,
but we... we're not gonna say
things like that.
Goddamn it.
Stop right there.
No language like that.
- No language like that.
- You're telling us what to say!
I'm not telling you what to say.
Jill:
Maybe we should just start over.
"Start over"?
What does that mean, start over?
Jill: I just mean
I know what Steve's saying,
and he's right.
- Stephanie: He is?
- Jill: Yes.
Janice: Last summer...
when Eric was at church camp,
your two boys were there.
Eric was taking a shower
in a shower stall
and your boys threw toilet paper
over the top of the stall door
onto Eric's head.
They also sprayed shaving cream
over the stall door.
They also sprayed his towel
with shaving cream.
He told me
he waited till everybody left
because he was so scared
and upset.
(sighs)
I never heard about
that incident.
Stephanie: Are you saying
that our children were killed
because of some kind of prank?
No.
Janice is saying
that her son was provoked!
This isn't
about provoking anyone!
How long have you been going
to this church?
Four years.
And why did you come
to this church?
I was Presbyterian growing up.
Yeah, but why
this Presbyterian church?
I always wondered
why you came here.
It's a Presbyterian church!
Didn't you feel out of place?
No one is out of place here.
You don't have any friends here.
You all sat alone.
You sat alone with your family.
Did you wanna go
to another church?
(sighs) I remember
your husband asking me
if I wanted a neck massage.
(sighs)
Don't you think
that's inappropriate?
Asking someone after church,
having a donut and coffee
in the basement,
if they wanted a neck massage?
I didn't know what to say.
You could have said,
"No, thank you!"
When you go home at night,
with your son in prison
and your neck-massage husband,
are you happy?
No.
Are you alone?
No.
You understand
what I'm getting at?
- You're alone.
- And why am I alone?
Because my son shot your son.
Your son murdered my son
in cold blood
without provocation.
Nobody talked to him.
- Doesn't matter.
- Janice: Nobody.
Nobody
at school talked to him.
My son, 14 other boys,
who cares?
Could have beat the crap
out of him
and it wouldn't have mattered!
Janice: Every day,
he came home crying.
He was a teenager!
He came home crying every day!
Why didn't you stop him
from crying?
- I tried to!
- You didn't try hard enough!
This is ridiculous.
- Wait, what are you doing?
- Stephanie: I'm done.
Laura Gates still might come.
Laura Gates goes
to fucking Redeemer, Steve!
But the meeting isn't over yet!
Jill: Is she okay?
Steve: I should check on her.
How are you?
- Steve: Stephanie had to go.
- I'm gonna go, too.
Oh, well,
- just think about some
of the things we talked about.
- Jill: Bye.
Steve: Uh, I'll call you
about the next meeting.
(sniffs) I'm not coming
to any more meetings.
(door opening)
(tense music playing)
(water running)
(water running)
- (birds chirping)
- (melancholy music playing)
(music concludes)
(indistinct chatter)
(chain clinking)
(door closing, locking)
(sighs)
I got sick when I got here.
I had food poisoning
and threw up in my cell.
Are you feeling better?
The guards take their time
getting someone up
to take care of you.
You get sick in your cell
and you have to let it sit
if you don't make it
to the toilet in time.
I sat up all night
next to the toilet
so that
I wouldn't get sick in bed.
Then they take their time
getting a doctor
and some stomach medicine
for you.
They used to have a problem here
with the prisoners
and the guards.
The prisoners would
run the prison
and the guards were just here
with no control.
Now, it's the other way around.
Last year,
there were 125 stabbings.
This year,
there have only been four.
They should have
taken these off.
They don't actually think
I'm going to do anything.
They told me outside,
you'd be wearing
arm and leg restraints.
Eric: Oh.
They told me you were
supposed to stay seated.
Eric:
I am supposed to remain seated.
I'm only outside
15 minutes a day,
and it's when the yard is clear,
because I could be injured
by another inmate.
(sighs)
I was going to call you.
It's okay.
Eric: Inmates make phone calls
all the time.
The warden staff
monitors the calls,
but people can talk
to almost anyone they want to,
as long
as they're not consorting
with criminals
over the telephone.
Sometimes, inmates try to use
code words or certain phrases
that can be used as messages
for use in criminal activity.
But because the phone lines
are monitored so closely,
the warden staff can almost
always figure out when
someone is attempting
illegal conversation.
I've been having
a really hard time.
(sobbing)
- That's a weird thing to say.
- Janice: I'm sorry.
It's a weird thing to say
to someone in prison.
You're right.
Eric: I'm not saying
I didn't do anything wrong.
I did something very wrong.
But it's very bad in here.
I was just telling you something
about how I was doing.
(sniffs)
I want everyone to know
that I have remorse
for what I did.
I want you to make sure
that people know
that I feel remorse.
Who would I tell that to?
Eric:
People don't ask you questions?
Sometimes.
Well, tell them I have remorse
when they ask, all right?
And I'm not just saying
that I have remorse
for legal reasons.
I really do have remorse.
I've been thinking
about what I did
and I feel like what I did...
was very wrong.
I don't talk
to that many people.
I'm not asking you
to find people to talk to.
Only if you do.
I will.
It sounds so stupid
to say that I've been
thinking a lot in here.
Everyone says that, I guess,
or it sounds like something
an inmate would say.
But I have been thinking
about what I did
and I have remorse
for the classmates I killed.
Things got out of control
in my mind.
And I screwed up.
I was packing up
some of your clothes.
I was putting away
some of your father's things
and I was putting away
some of your things
along with them.
When the police were
in your bedroom...
they...
took your hanging clothes
out of the closet.
That's where I told them
I'd hid the guns.
There's nothing much else
in my closet.
You can pack up everything
in my room if you want.
I was only gonna pack up
your clothes.
You can put it all away.
Your father said that there was
a hayride at his church.
That you would have liked
to have gone.
I don't know.
(chuckles)
I talked to the mothers
of the boys you killed.
I thought you said
you didn't talk to anyone.
Pastor Calhan set up
a meeting for the mothers.
All three of them?
Just me, Stephanie Grazer,
and Jill Yardling.
Eric:
Where was Nathan Gates's mom?
She just didn't come.
Maybe she was too upset.
Pastor Calhan set up the meeting
so we could talk to...
talk about what happened
and how we were doing.
What were some of the things
that people said?
They were short meetings.
- You had more than one?
- Not really.
Are you going
to have more meetings?
No.
Why not?
We don't need any more meetings.
There's probably more
to talk about.
There isn't.
Did they ask
if you'd come to see me?
What else did they ask you?
What did you tell them about me?
I wish I could talk to them.
I'd like to tell them
some stuff.
I've talked
to some people here and...
I have my own therapist.
I'd like to tell them
how I feel now.
I wanted to tell you
how I've been.
Eric: You already told me.
I wanted to tell you
what I think.
- Eric: About what?
- About what happened.
You should call it murder.
Janice:
It was different than that.
No, it wasn't different.
I walked into my gym class,
and I murdered Derek Grazer
and Nathan Gates with a pistol.
Then I walked down the hall,
I found Matt Yardling,
and I... I murdered him
with a shotgun.
Three murders.
I'm your mother.
I understand why.
- Eric: Why what?
- Why you did it.
At the time...
I thought I had no choice.
Now, that makes no sense.
- Janice: It does.
- It doesn't.
Those women are hateful,
awful women,
and their children
were hateful, awful children.
What I did was very wrong.
- I shouldn't have shot anyone.
- But you did. You shot them.
I shouldn't have shot them.
You shot them. You killed them.
- Stop.
- They treated me very badly.
Your son killed their children.
You did it.
You killed their children.
I know it was me.
You were protecting yourself.
- I wasn't.
- You had no choice.
Yes, I did.
I had lots of choices.
I could have chosen
literally anything else.
But you didn't.
(breathes heavily)
No person should take
another person's life.
People thought
you were retarded.
When you were a baby...
your head was small
and your eyes were so large.
You would stare blankly
and you rarely cried.
People thought
you were retarded.
- They didn't like you.
- I didn't like them either.
They did
and said awful things to you.
They pushed you
to do what you did.
- No one made me.
- They made you feel awful.
They humiliated you.
They hated you.
They still hate me.
Then what you did
didn't change how they feel.
It only changed how you feel.
You didn't see what I saw.
It was like a war
or a car accident.
Stephanie Grazer says
that it didn't matter
that you came home crying
from school.
- Eric: It didn't matter.
- Yes, it did.
It's not a part of anything
that exists anymore.
Yes, it is. It's a part of me.
Eric: It was me crying, not you.
- It's a part of me.
- (Eric sniffles)
I was just a kid.
- You're a strong boy.
- Eric: Don't say that.
You're a strong boy.
Stop crying.
Eric: I think you should go.
They'll tell me
when my visit is over.
You can tell them
you'd like to leave.
Your father wants me
to let Jesus in my heart.
I can't.
Not the way he wants me to.
Maybe you should.
He also says
that praying can help,
that you can get even
the smallest things you need
through prayer.
Eric: That's great.
I mean praying
can't give you things.
Not like that.
I don't know either way.
Maybe God is helping me.
- God didn't want this.
- But it still happened.
I wish you could have seen
those boys die.
Then you would understand
how I feel.
I saw the inside of those boys.
I shot Matt Yardling
in the face.
- I know.
- I saw his head explode.
I saw Matt's blood
all over the hallway.
- Janice: That's enough!
- I'm explaining something!
Yeah, I know
you're explaining something.
I'm trying to get you
to understand how awful it was.
I know it was awful.
I know about the blood,
and the children
lying on the ground,
and the officers,
and the teachers,
and everything else!
It is a part of me now.
Those deaths are a part of me!
I know what happened.
- No, you don't.
- I know what happened to me.
Eric: Go away.
I will.
Don't come back.
I won't.
Eric: Please...
tell them I feel remorse.
(door opening)
(door closing)
("Positively 4th Street"
by Bob Dylan plays)
You've got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just
Stood there grinnin'
You've got a lotta nerve
To say you got
A helpin' hand to lend
You just want to be
On the side that's winnin'
You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it?
You say
You've lost your faith
But that's not
where it's at
You have no faith to lose
And you know it
I know the reason
That you talked
Behind my back
I used to be Among the
crowd you're in with
Do you take me
For such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one
Who tries to hide
What he don't know
To begin with?
You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?"
"Good luck"
But you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather
See me paralyzed
Why don't you
Just come out once
And scream it
Oh
No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks
You embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them
Oh
I know you're dissatisfied
With your position
And your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem?
I wish
That for just one time
You could stand
Inside my shoes
And just for that
one moment
I could be you
I wish
That for just one time
You could stand
Inside my shoes
You'd know
what a drag it is
To see you
Whoa
You'd know
what a drag it is
To see you
You'd know
what a drag it is
To see you
(song continues playing)
(song concludes)