Ernesto's Manifesto (2019) Movie Script
(electronic whooshing)
(bell dinging)
(dramatic Latin pop music)
- Here's your man.
(Yum Yum growling)
Thanks, Ernesto.
I'll see you next week.
- Your girlfriend's a
lucky lady, Ernesto.
- Thanks, Ernesto!
- Hola, Ernesto.
- Hola, Yum Yum!
- [Angela] Crazy weather, huh?
(excited breathing)
- (sighs) Thank you,
Weight Watchers.
(door shutting)
Oh.
Baby, I'm so glad to see you!
(gasps) How's my sweet boy?
You're my sweet boy,
so clean and fragrant.
Hi, Ernesto, you smell
like a burnt chimichangas.
Oh!
On the cheek, please, I
just got my lips perfect.
(Yum Yum growling)
- For you.
- (gasps) How sweet!
Put them in water for me?
Put 'em with your other ones.
And toss out the older ones,
they're beginning to reek.
(gasps) Did you get the raise?
My business at the
salon is really down.
(laughing)
(Yum Yum barking)
Isn't it cute how
possessive he is?
- Cute?
Yes.
- So, the raise?
You're kidding?
Well, what did they say?
- You're fired.
- Because you wanted more money?
- Not exactly.
And how about you?
I'll be right back.
I'll take care of it.
- Thanks.
- Dine and dash?
- No, it's too crowded.
Better idea.
- How may I help you?
- I hate to complain, but
our service was terrible.
Absolutely the worst.
- Yeah, our server was slow,
rude, and just
completely not helpful.
- Who waited on you?
- Him.
- Ernesto?
- Yeah, he sucked!
- Come here.
These gentlemen say you
that were rude to them!
- Oh, I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to be.
Can I get you a free flan?
- That's not gonna cut it, you
should comp our whole meal.
- Yeah, that's pretty
much the only way I'm
not gonna totally
trash you guys on Yelp.
- Of course, of course.
This is coming out of your pay.
- Sorry.
- So that means your
paycheck will be even less?
That's terrible!
- It get worst.
Hey, Juan.
- Back off, man!
- Is there a problem?
- Uh, yeah, I saw Ernesto taking
money from the cash drawer.
- What?
- What?
- I saw him, Dad.
(register whirring)
- How could you?
- I didn't do anything.
- Then where's the money?
- I don't know.
- I've treated you like family,
and this is how you pay me back?
- I swear, I didn't!
- You're fired.
I want you to leave right now.
Now.
- Oh, that makes me so mad!
- Raul is not such a bad guy.
- I'm mad at you!
What are we supposed
to do for money?
How will we pay
for food, for rent?
For shoes?
- You don't have enough shoes?
- (gasps) Shoes are my
signature accessory!
Plus they are the one thing
that separate us from animals,
and I will not live
like an animal,
and neither will Yum Yum.
What are you going to do?
- I'll find work.
- But that could take days!
How will we survive
in the meantime?
- Well, you have a job.
- And?
- Maybe you can
kick in a little?
- This isn't working.
I should have
listened to my mother.
She said you would never
amount to anything,
and I told her she was wrong.
Damn you for making her right!
- I'll find a job.
I promise.
- It's too late.
I can't live with uncertainty.
Yum Yum and I will
move in with Mommy.
- In Miami?
- At least her man
is a great provider.
- I thought she divorced him.
- Yes.
He provides from a distance.
Mommy's got all the luck.
(somber acoustic guitar music)
Well, all packed!
Let's keep this simple, okay?
- Okay.
- They say that people
come into your life
for a season, a
reason, or a lifetime.
Our season is just over.
Oh, you've always been
so sweet to me, Ernesto.
But sweet don't pay the bills.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
It's better this way.
For me, anyway.
- It's going to be
sad here without you.
- True, but not for long.
They've already
re-rented the place.
Two frat boys move in tomorrow,
so you'll need to
be out tonight.
See?
Clean break for both of us.
(lips smacking)
(Yum Yum growling)
Toodles!
Oh!
Two more things.
I left that ficus
plant you like so much,
I always hated that thing.
So, you're welcome.
And two, we won't get
any of the deposit
money back unless the
place is spotless.
I just got my nails done, so
could you please be a dear,
and take care of that?
Thanks!
(solemn instrumental music)
(sighing)
- My little Nenita.
A nice shower will perk you up.
(water spraying)
She's going to miss us.
I know she will.
(toilet flushing)
(suitcase clattering)
(dramatic instrumental music)
Ah!
(body thudding)
(trash clattering)
(Ernesto grunting)
(bag thudding)
(shower spraying)
(somber acoustic guitar music)
(thunder rumbling)
- That'll be $95, plus tax.
- That much?
- Yeah.
How you gonna pay?
- I have.
- Sorry, no discounts.
You got a credit
card, something?
- No.
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
- I don't have all night.
You're holding up
Daisy and her friend.
- No rush, Joey.
Easy, meter's not running.
- Look, sport, unless you
come up with the difference,
I can't help you.
- Wait.
Baby, can we help
this poor guy out?
- We?
You help him out.
- No, that's nice, but.
- I'll make it worth your while.
- Okay.
- Here, you're good.
Room 143.
Checkout's at noon.
- Thank you!
- Hey, I'm just a horny schmuck.
- Does that mean a generous guy?
- In my experience it does.
- Ah, horny schmuck.
I like that.
- (laughs) You and me both.
- I will send you the money,
if you just give
me your name and.
- Oh, no names.
Consider it a gift.
Good luck.
- Okay.
(distant thumping)
(distant moaning)
- So how may we help you today?
- I'd like to take out money.
- Perfect, do you have
a withdrawal slip?
- I don't know, my girlfriend
always does the banking.
- It's not a problem,
what's your name?
- Ernesto Hernandez.
- Hernandez.
Ernesto P or Ernesto W?
- Ernesto P.
- Perfect.
Do you have your ATM card?
- Veronica does.
I could call her, but she's
still in bed, it's only 11:30.
- Uh-huh.
May I see your I.D.?
- Yeah.
- Perfect.
Is this your current address?
- No.
- May I have it?
- As soon as I get it.
- I mean, where are
you currently living?
- Your guess is as good as mine.
- Let's start again.
Address?
- I'd like one.
- You don't have one?
Where do you sleep?
- In a bed.
Where do you sleep?
- Do you have another
form of identification,
like a credit card?
- No, I pay cash.
That's why I came to get some.
- Well, you need a credit
card so I know who you are.
- Okay, you talked me into it.
- Into what?
- A credit card, I'll take one.
- Do you have credit?
- I will as soon as
you give me the card.
- I can't do that.
- I'll take the cash then.
- I can't do that either.
- Then how do I get my money?
- Come back with a credit card!
- Excuse me, may I
borrow your credit card?
- Not hers!
Yours.
- Thanks anyway.
- Hi.
(solemn acoustic guitar music)
(upbeat percussion music)
- Yeah, thank you.
Have a good day!
(coins clanking)
Thanks, Ernesto.
Where's your furry
little friend?
- Miami.
- Wish I could travel.
Maybe when I get my big break.
Why you so sad?
- Oh, lost my job, lost my
girl, lost my apartment.
- Well, I can't help with
the apartment or the girl,
but I did see a help
wanted sign over there.
- Mexican restaurant?
I have experience in those!
- That's perfect,
you should go apply!
- Maybe you should have
the first shot at it?
- Me, nah, nah,
drumming's my gig.
You check it out.
And I'll even play
you some special
Ernesto walk-away
music for good luck.
(uptempo percussion music)
(lively instrumental music)
(Ernesto muttering)
- Good day's work, Ernesto.
- Thanks, Javier.
- (laughs) So, did you make
enough to get a room tonight?
- Almost.
- I hear you.
You could stay with us,
but our place is small,
and my wife has the flu.
- Oh, I hope she
gets better soon.
- Me, too.
When she can't
sleep, nobody does.
- Oh.
- There might be
something I could do,
although Jerry wouldn't like it.
- Jerry?
- The owner.
Good guy, but he's
pretty by-the-book.
- And he gets mad if
you don't buy the book?
- (laughs) No.
No, there is no book,
it's an expression.
I like you, Ernesto.
You seem like good people.
So I'm gonna do something
I probably shouldn't.
- I don't want to
get you in trouble.
- I'll take my chances.
Our office is pretty crowded,
but there's a couch
there that you
can crash on for a few nights.
But let's keep this
our little secret.
And don't touch anything, okay?
- (laughs) Got it, no touching.
That was my
girlfriend's rules, too.
- Been there.
(pleasant ambient music)
(Ernesto snoring)
- What the hell
are you doing here?
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Sleeping?
- [Jerry] I'm not an idiot!
Did Javier tell you
you could do this?
- Javier?
I don't know any Javier.
I didn't have any
place to sleep,
so I snuck in after
everybody left.
- You snuck in?
Through the side door?
- Yes.
- We don't have a side door,
only a back and a front!
- The door on the back side.
- I just came in
through that door,
it was locked and
the alarm was on.
How do you explain that?
- I'm a good sneaker?
- You are?
- The best.
I sneak in everywhere
without help.
I'm a wolf with no friends.
- You mean a lone wolf?
- Yes, that.
(Jerry chuckling)
You are not scared of me?
I could be dangerous.
- I'll take my chances.
- That's what Javier said.
- You said you
didn't know Javier.
(groaning)
- (stammers) I did say that.
We met today where he
hired me to wait tables.
- Really?
(light piano music)
He's barely more
than a stranger,
yet you show him such loyalty.
- He helped me so I help him.
- Hmm.
Sir,
you humble me.
What's your name?
- Ernesto.
- Ernesto was my
dad's best friend.
Called him Uncle Ernie,
he was a good man.
You mind if I call
you Ernie, too?
- Ernie Two, Ernie
Three, whatever you like.
- I'm Jerry, Jerry Cochran.
You know, I like you, Ernie,
and I don't like many people.
That said, you're
not sleeping here.
Pack up your things.
- I understand.
(pleasant piano music)
I don't understand.
- You can crash here.
It's my guest house,
which makes you my guest.
- Really?
Thank you.
You are truly a schmuck.
- I beg your pardon?
- Maybe the most
schmuck I ever met.
(chuckling)
What's so funny?
- You, Ernie!
What do you think the
word schmuck means?
- A generous guy.
That's not right?
- No.
People usually use it
to mean idiot or fool.
But literally, it's a penis.
- I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to call you a penis.
I'll leave.
- (laughs) Ernie, I've
been called a schmuck
before by people who
actually know what it means.
And I think that's
the funniest thing
I've heard in a long time.
"The most schmuck I ever met."
I think I want that carved
on my tombstone. (laughs)
(pleasant acoustic guitar music)
- There you go,
Nenita, drink up,
then we'll give you
some indirect sunlight.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- [Jerry] Does it ever answer?
- Not with words.
But she feels better
when I talk to her.
- Maybe I should have
you talk to my orchids.
They never seem to
last. (chuckles)
- I could try.
- Really?
Okay, what the hell.
- You have a very
beautiful yard.
- Because I have a very
expensive gardener.
- He must love his work.
- His employees do
most of the work,
but he does love billing
me for their time.
- Your home is a palace.
- Don't be too impressed,
it's a family heirloom.
- Like a tomato?
- (laughs) No.
What I mean is this property has
been in the family for years.
The Cochrans are old money.
- Does age of money matter?
- In Pasadena it does, big time.
Old money is
respected and revered.
There they are, like I said,
on their last legs,
or stem thingys.
- They look sad.
- Leave it to me to have
depressed vegetation.
- [Ernesto] And maybe
a little lonely.
- They've got each other.
- You can be lonely in a crowd.
You are all beautiful,
you know that?
And you are not alone.
You are among friends.
- Sounds like group therapy.
- They need love and attention.
Treat them like you
treat your wife.
- Give them half my stuff
and file a restraining order?
I'm divorced.
It wasn't pretty.
- The new guy may be
our best worker yet.
- Yes, I'm very
impressed with him.
- Me too, boss.
- That must be why you let
him sleep on the couch.
- He told you that?
- No, I figured it out.
What were you thinking?
- Sorry.
I guess I'm just a softie.
- [Jerry] You need
to toughen up.
- Got it.
I promise it won't happen again.
- Damn straight.
My guest house is much
nicer than that ratty couch.
- He's staying with you?
But you just said.
- I guess I'm a softie, too.
(water spritzing)
(phone ringing)
- Who's interrupting
our lounging?
Must be a man.
They ruin everything.
- Even sex?
- Especially sex.
- It's Ernesto.
- (groans) A poor
man, even worse.
No, don't you dare answer that!
- Shouldn't I check to
make sure he's okay?
- And if he isn't,
you gonna do anything?
- Well, no.
- So why bother?
You're not a fatty anymore,
quit thinking like one.
It's time to focus on
finding a more suitable man.
- And by more suitable,
you mean rich.
- (laughs) Rich is
a relative term.
- [Together] Which is why you
make a rich man your relative.
- Oh, sweetie, you remembered.
- You embroidered
it on my underwear.
- It was a very
important lesson.
I wanted you to
see it every day,
and tattooing a four-year-old
was frowned upon.
(vocalized clinking)
- [Veronica Voice Message]
Hi, I'm doing something
fabulous right now and
can't be disturbed.
Leave a message, and
if I like what I hear,
I'll call you back.
Ciao!
(pleasant acoustic music)
- You are looking
beautiful today.
So healthy, so strong!
- [Jerry] Knock, knock.
- [Ernesto] Hi, Jerry!
- Ernie, this is Douglas.
- Nice to meet you.
- [Douglas] Same here.
- Doug is my lawyer.
- Could you say I
was your friend?
- Well, you are, but
you're also my lawyer.
- But everybody hates lawyers!
All the jokes about lawyers,
they end up with us being
road-kill, or worse!
Everybody thinks it's funny.
- 'Cause it is.
- I know, that's
what makes it so bad!
- [Jerry] Anyway.
- Attorneys, as a group, suck.
- If you hate your job so
much, why do you do it?
- [Together] The money.
- If people are
gonna despise you,
there might as well be
some benefit, right?
- Anyway, Doug brought over
a bottle of Johnny
Walker Platinum,
which he can afford, since
he's rolling in dough
'cause he's a scumbag lawyer.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
- [Ernesto] I never
had this before.
- Single malt scotch?
- No, hard liquor.
- Really?
- A beer, wine,
sometimes, but that's all.
- Sounds like you've
led a pretty clean life.
- I take a shower every day.
(laughing)
- Jerry, you're right,
this guy's a hoot!
- And a wizard with plants.
- I just treat them nice,
like I treat everybody.
- That's a very good way to be.
- Luckily, more people
aren't like that,
or I'd be out of business.
- To Ernesto, a good man and,
though we haven't known each
other long, a very good friend.
- Yes, friends.
(glasses clinking)
- I'll drink to that.
You really have never
had hard liquor before?
- No.
- He's never been
married before.
- Got it.
(water spraying)
- Hello, Jerry, it's me Ernie.
Just came in to take
care of the orchids.
Jerry, I just.
(solemn orchestral music)
- Last night as I was putting
together the deposits.
I had a question so I picked up
the phone and I
started to call him.
- Yeah, I can't
believe he's gone.
- Have you guys seen Ernie?
- He's in the kitchen.
- Thanks.
Hey, Ernie, how you holding up?
- The plants need me.
That helps.
- Hard to imagine a
world without Jerry.
Unfortunately, life goes on.
I know Jerry was
really fond of you,
so I'm sure he'd
want you to stay on
in the guest house until we
need to make other arrangements.
- Arrangements?
- Jerry left the property
and the business,
pretty much everything
to his nephew, Zach.
- Oh.
- Problem is, Zach's
a bit of a nomad.
Having trouble finding him.
So till I track him down,
in keeping with Jerry's wishes,
I'm gonna rent out the house.
- And when you find Zach?
- Who knows?
What happens then is
completely his decision.
- Hi!
Are you Ernie?
- Yes.
- Douglas told me to
come introduce myself.
I'm Austin.
I'm you're new neighbor.
I'm renting the house.
- Oh, nice to meet you.
- Yeah, same here.
Listen, since I'm renting
pretty much as is,
I was wondering if
you could continue
to take care of the beautiful
orchids in the kitchen.
Douglas says you have
a real way with them.
Me, I kill anything green.
- I'd be happy to.
- Great, I'll pay
you, of course.
- Oh no, I do it for love.
The plants, not you.
We just met.
- (laughs) You're
a funny guy, Ernie.
- People say that,
I don't know why.
- Okay, well, since
I can't pay you,
why don't you come to a party
I'm throwing tomorrow night.
It's kind of a
housewarming thing.
- Housewarming?
Maybe if you just turned
off the air conditioning.
- (laughs) Like I
said, funny guy.
So you'll join us?
- Yes.
- Great, we'll see
you tomorrow night.
(distant dance music)
(laughs) Welcome.
Have a great time.
Ernie, hey, glad
you could make it!
This is Daniel.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Hi!
You have a lot of friends.
- They're crew members, it's
their job to be friends.
- Great party, Austin!
- Thank you.
- Thanks for having us, boss.
- [Austin] My pleasure.
- They seem to like their job.
What is it you do?
- I direct a film
here and there.
- He's being
uncharacteristically modest.
- I'm quite good at that.
- See?
- Si.
- He's got a Golden
Globe, two DGA awards,
and four paternity suits.
- And what is it you do?
- I produce him, God help me.
(laughing)
- [Cassie] Those
are lovely orchids.
- Thanks.
- Oh, they're yours?
Oh, I thought they
were Austin's.
- Yes, but I take care of them.
- You're doing a
really good job.
- I'm Cassie.
And you are?
- Ernie!
I see you've met Cassie, our
makeup artist extraordinaire.
- Yes, she likes your flowers.
- Oh no, this guy's
got a green thumb.
I bet he can make anything grow.
- Anything?
Wow.
Shame you didn't meet my ex
before she got her implants.
Coulda saved me a bundle
on her bundles. (laughs)
- Kyle, that's not nice.
- I'm just joking, babe.
She hates when I bring up my ex.
- So you are her husband?
- Husband?
No way, Jose!
- Ernesto.
- I mean, Cassie and
I we're tight and all,
but we're just
keeping things chill,
seeing where they
go, right, babe?
- We live together.
- Yeah.
Know what, I'm a little dry.
I'm gonna grab me
another beer. (laughs)
- Cassie, your
boyfriend's a great grip,
but he's a real piece of work.
- Oh, he's a good guy deep down.
- Well, if he makes you
happy, who are we to judge?
- He does.
- I think it's about time
for that screening, huh?
- Copy that!
- Screening?
- Yeah, we're
showing a rough cut
of the scene we shot yesterday.
Join us?
- Yes.
- [Austin] Great.
- So is it Ernie or Ernesto?
- Either.
- I like Ernesto.
- Ernesto likes you, too.
- Oh. (laughs)
I meant I like
the name, Ernesto.
It's more dignified.
It's more you.
- More me?
Good, because I'm the
most me of anyone.
- (laughs) Okay.
Let's go.
- Thank you all for
helping me break
in my temporary new home.
I hope you're all
enjoying yourselves.
And to that end, I've
got a very special treat.
A private, first look at
a scene we shot yesterday!
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
- Which we are going to screen
right now since
it's getting late,
and we don't wanna give anyone
an excuse for missing your
very early call tomorrow.
- Okay, now if I must say
so myself, and I must,
I am very happy with
how it turned out.
So I hope you like it.
So now here it is, for
the first time anywhere,
a rough-cut of
the sidewalk scene
of our soon to be hit movie,
- Fingers crossed.
(crowd cheering)
- Hot To Cold.
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
(gentle piano music)
And rolling.
- [Chase] Anya?
- Chase!
- [Chase] I can't
believe we almost
just walked right
past each other.
- [Anya] I know!
- [Chase] How are you?
- Always cold,
except when I'm hot.
- I'm sorry.
- It's not your fault,
it's my thyroid.
- [Chase] I know.
- It's not all that bad, though.
The pounds have
been falling off.
I look great in
skinny jeans. (laughs)
- Always seeing the bright side.
- Hold me?
- 'Cause you're cold?
- Yeah, that's the reason.
Let me go, let me go!
- What's wrong?
- I'm burning up!
- Damn your thyroid!
Damn your whole
endocrine system!
- Don't say that, Chase.
- I'm sorry.
- I should go.
- Will I ever see
you again, Anya?
- That's in God's hands,
and Doctor Shapiro's.
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
- [Austin] So you liked it?
- Come on, man, of course they
liked it, they worked on it.
They're not exactly objective.
- Okay.
Ernie here has
absolutely nothing
to do with the production.
So he can give us a completely
honest and unbiased opinion.
So, Ernie, what'd you
think of the scene?
- I like it.
- He like it.
- And?
No, it's okay, we want to
hear your honest opinion.
Just say what you feel.
- Yeah.
- Why is everything
so hard to see
behind the guy and the girl?
- I was trying to
stylistically represent
that in the pivotal moment
of their chance encounter,
the rest of the
world faded away,
and only our star-crossed
lovers mattered.
- It just looks fuzzy.
- Okay.
So how would you fix it?
- Focus?
- Focus.
So what you're saying is,
rather than obscure
the rest of the world,
make the audience
hyper-aware of this couple
and their impossible
struggle by focusing not
on their isolation from
the world in general,
but their bittersweet
interpersonal connection
and the resulting inner turmoil.
Brilliant!
- Okay, I'll
schedule a re-shoot.
I think we can squeeze
it in on Wednesday.
- Do it, good!
Ernie, thank you!
You got a keen eye.
Why don't you join
us on Wednesday?
You can let us know if
we've fixed the problem.
- I could, it's my day off.
- Great, and to make
it worth your while,
we'll make you a consultant.
- A consultant?
- We've got some wiggle
room in the budget
so we can pay you.
- You pay me to tell
you what I think?
- That's the gig, my friend.
- Welcome to Hollywood, Ernie.
- Looks just like Pasadena.
(laughing)
- Did I tell you this
guy was funny, or what?
- Funny!
- You're gonna make a
great addition to the set!
(phone dialing)
(phone ringing)
(excited inhaling)
- [Veronica Voicemail] Hi,
I'm doing something fabulous
right now and
can't be disturbed.
Leave a message
and if I like what
I hear I'll call you back.
(sighing)
(lively Latin pop music)
- Ernie, my man!
Thanks for coming.
Bettina, I need the paperwork
for our new consultant.
- [Bettina] On it.
- We got a few forms
for you to fill out.
Bettina will those to you,
but in the meantime I want
you to make yourself at home.
Here's your chair.
- My chair?
- It's got your name
on it and everything.
- It's beautiful!
- It's yours, excuse me.
- [Cassie] Hey, Ernesto!
- I have a chair.
- Yeah, it's very nice.
- They gave it to me.
- (laughs) Yes.
- It's mine!
- No, I'm great, thanks.
Thanks for asking, how are you?
- Oh, I'm sorry,
it's my first chair.
- So I gather.
- Nice to see you.
How you been?
- Just working a lot.
But it's all good.
- All good is my favorite.
(Cassie laughing)
- So you have a chair?
I guess that means I'll
be seeing you around.
- I hope.
- Me, too.
Well, I gotta go.
Faces to do, people to see.
Ta ta for now.
- Tatas for now?
- Ernie!
Great to see you again, man.
You ready to do your
consultant thang?
- Yes.
- Okay!
- Okay, Ernie, fill this
out and get it back to me.
- I'm ready to go.
- All right.
All right, everybody,
let's do this!
(upbeat pop music)
Okay, let's go, people,
let's get this thing going!
- Do this.
These are yours, here.
And action!
And noise!
- [Chase] Anya?
- Chase!
- [Chase] I can't
believe we almost
just walked right
past each other!
- I know!
- [Chase] How are you?
- Always cold,
except when I'm hot.
Yeah.
- [Chase] Will I ever
see you again, Anya?
- [Anya] That's in God's
hands, and Doctor Shapiro's.
- And cut!
Great take!
So, what did you think, Ernie?
- I like it.
- Me, too.
And this time the
background will be in focus.
- Good.
- Good.
- Any other thoughts?
- Well, maybe.
Nah, never mind.
- No, tell us, that's
why you're here, Ernie.
- [Austin] Yeah, what is it?
- At the end, they are
still on cell phones again.
- Right, I added that.
- Why?
- I wanted to depict them
immersed in technology,
acting as an
emotional anesthetic.
It's a coping mechanism.
It allows them to have a
purely superficial connection
to the world outside
of their hearts,
and protecting them from
their true feelings.
- They look like
they just don't care.
- So what should they do?
- Maybe walk away sad
without looking at phones?
- Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like they start
to look at their phones,
and then realize they
need to feel their pain,
and put them away,
thereby dealing with their
pain instead of sublimating it.
I love, I love! (smacks kiss)
Let's do what Ernie said.
Daniel, I think our friend
needs a better title.
- What did you have in mind?
- [Austin] Associate producer?
- Sounds good.
- Make it so.
Congratulations, Ernie.
- What does an
associate producer do?
- It's an important job, Ernie.
Big responsibility.
(pleasant instrumental music)
(women chattering)
- Hey, Ernie.
All right, these
are all the extras
for the beach party scene, but
we got some revision pages,
and some new speaking parts.
So we need to upgrade
three of these women.
- Who?
- It's up to you.
- Me?
- Mmhm.
- No.
- Well, I don't know
what to tell you
because Austin said
it was your job, so.
All right, I'll help you.
Take a seat.
All right, ladies,
attention, attention.
We need to upgrade three
of you to speaking parts.
Our associate
producer Ernie here
will be deciding who
gets the upgrade.
Form a line right here.
We'll meet with you one by one.
When you step up, say your name,
and read the line I tell you.
Yes?
- Can we get the line in
advance so we can practice?
And maybe a little background
about the character
and the scene so we can
be properly motivated?
- [Bettina] No, and no.
It's one line, you
can do it cold.
All right, let's get
this show on the road.
Form a line, ladies.
First up.
- Hello, Ernie.
I've been told I've
got very kissable lips.
How was that?
- Good.
- [Bettina] We'll let you know.
- Hi.
My name is Savannah.
Just Savannah, like the city.
And like the city, I'm
sweet and southern.
I've been told that I have
got very kissable lips.
- [Cassie] What was that?
- Trying to impress
him, I guess.
- (scoffs) Okay,
that's not right.
- Why do you care?
- No, I don't
care, I don't care.
Just
it's not right.
- [Bettina] Next!
- Hi, I'm Jill Martin.
Okay. (clears throat)
I've been told I've
got very kissable lips.
Wait, can I do it again?
I swear I can do
it better, okay.
- Wow.
- I've been told I've
got very kissable lips.
Very.
Very! (moans)
- Cut!
- [Bettina] All right, girl.
- I feel really good
about that one! (laughs)
- These girls are
really going for it.
- Yeah, but he doesn't
have to like it so much.
- (laughs) Are you kidding me?
He looks scared to death.
A hot woman just leaned in
for a kiss, and he yells cut.
(laughs) What kinda
guy does that?
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
- There you go, my
beautiful friend.
Drink up, life is good.
(sighing)
Must need a charge.
(phone ringing)
- Could you hand
me my phone, Mom?
- If it's Ernesto I am
not handing it to you.
- I've been ghosting him.
He's left a bunch of messages
and I haven't called him back.
- Good girl.
- Who is it?
- Doesn't say,
it's just a number.
- Give it.
Hello?
- Hi, Veronica, it's me Ernesto.
- Hi, Ernesto.
- Hang up!
- [Ernesto] You sound good.
- You sound
- Like the worthless
loser that you are.
- like you.
- [Ernesto] Thank you.
- I don't recognize
this number, is it new?
- Yes, they gave
it to me at work.
- Well, that's nice.
- I was hoping we could
catch up a little.
- Now's not a good time.
I'm on my way to a charity ball.
It's a really prestigious event.
- The kind you could never
afford to take her to.
- Tell your mom I say hi.
- Okay, gotta go.
Talk to you later.
I'm sure he heard you, Mom.
- That was the point.
- What are you doing?
- I am writing loser
on the new number
so you know who is calling.
(knocking)
- What's wrong?
- Why does everyone
always expect
the worst when
they see a lawyer?
- So you have good news?
- Well, no, but
it would still be
nice if people didn't
dread seeing you.
- I don't dread you, Douglas.
- Thank you, Ernie,
you're a nice man.
I got an update.
I finally found Jerry's nephew.
- Zach?
- Yeah, we haven't spoken,
you know, the time difference
between here and India,
but there's a real
possibility that
he's gonna want you to move out.
I just felt that I should
give you a heads-up.
- Thank you.
My head is up.
(upbeat percussion music)
- Thanks, Ernesto.
- Excuse me, may I take it now?
Thank you.
- Perfect.
- So how are things
going on the movie?
- Oh, great!
They made me associate producer.
- And you're still working here?
- Well, Jerry took care of me.
Now he is not here, I help out.
- Your loyalty is inspiring.
- No big deal,
it's just who I am.
- I'm so hungry.
- I know.
Tacos.
- Hi, Cassie, Kyle.
- Ernie!
What are you doing here?
- I help out on weekends.
- That's very industrious.
- Yes.
- Damn, do you also
pick lettuce at night?
- Kyle!
- What?
Isn't that what
industrious Mexicans do?
- I'm Cuban.
- Same thing, pal.
- No, it's not.
- What are you talking about?
They speak Spanish, eat
beans, and steal our jobs.
- You'd like to work here?
I'd be happy to put in
a good word with Javier.
- How about you just get us
some chips and salsa, amigo.
Por favor.
See, I can be polite in Spanish.
- And yet amazingly
rude in English.
I mean, wow.
- All right, let's go.
- Kyle, you forgot the tip.
(sighing)
- Okay, okay.
- That's not even 10%.
- Well, his service
wasn't that good.
Besides, moneybags
here has three jobs.
- Two.
Two, he does not pick crops.
- Oh, that's right, he just
looks like he does. (laughs)
Let's go.
(sighing)
- [Cassie Voiceover]
Great seeing you, Ernesto.
I'm so sorry Kyle was a jerk
and treated you so badly.
You deserve much better.
See you at work.
(distant dance music)
- [Ernesto] Do all movies
have this many parties?
- Only Austin's.
He says a happy crew
is a productive crew.
The truth is, the budget's
tight and the company's cheap,
so this perk is designed to keep
the natives from getting
restless, you know?
- No.
- He thinks that if
he keeps us drunk
we'll be too distracted to
realize we're getting screwed.
So, cheers!
Time for another.
Be right back.
- Hey, Ernie!
How's my favorite
production honcho?
- I don't know, but
I could find out.
- No, silly, I mean you.
- I'm a honcho?
- My favorite.
- Good, I'll try
not to let you down.
- You won't.
- You seem taller.
- These are my party heels!
- Good, 'cause I was
scared I was shrinking.
- Hey, you don't have a drink?
- I'm not much of a drinker.
- I'll let you in
on a little secret.
I can trust you, can't I?
- Of course, I'm a honcho.
- (laughs) You are.
So, you see this
drink I'm holding?
- Yes.
- It's not actually a drink.
It looks like I'm
drinking a cocktail,
but it's really a mocktail.
- So mock not cock?
- I like you, Ernie, but sexual
harassment is never okay.
- What I'm trying to say
is, even though I'm 18,
everybody still thinks I'm
a kid, and I hate that.
But my parents are alcoholics,
and I don't wanna go
down that road, too.
- Good idea.
Bad road.
- So I hold this drink
that looks like alcohol,
and everybody thinks
I'm not a child.
And I get to party
without people
making past my bedtime jokes.
- That's very adult, more
than most people I know.
- Aww, thanks, Ernie.
And you won't tell anyone?
- Honcho's honor.
- You know, Ernesto,
every time I see you,
a pretty girl's
giving you a kiss.
- It just happens,
I don't know why.
- I'm just busting your balls.
- I hope not.
- You know, Ernesto, there's
just something about you that.
- That what?
- Hey, babe, we're getting
ready to do some shots,
you want one?
- Why not?
- You can get one over there.
Hey, you're not drinking?
Oh wait, are you
here as a guest,
or are you with
catering? (laughs)
- Kyle!
I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
- [Kyle] Come on,
Kendall, just do it.
- Yeah, Ken, loosen up.
- If she doesn't
wanna do it then just.
- Sure she does.
Why wouldn't she?
Why wouldn't you?
Come on.
- I.
Drink!
- [Crowd] Drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink!
- Okay!
Come on, guys, she's just a kid.
- Okay.
(crowd cheering)
- Whoa, you just
stole her drink, man!
- Well, you know, steal jobs,
steal drinks, same thing.
(crowd murmuring)
- Okay, this one
is for you.
- Muchas gracias.
- [Kyle] Hey!
- I'm a drinking machine!
(crowd cheering)
- [Crowd] Ernie, Ernie, Ernie!
(crowd cheering)
- I mean this is a good one.
This is probably the best one.
Hey, Douglas, glad you could
join our little soiree.
You and your friend,
grab some refreshments.
- Thanks.
Austin, this is Jerry's
nephew, Zach, your landlord.
- Not for long.
- I beg your pardon?
- Well, as I told you,
the rental is ongoing
and contingent on
Zach's approval.
- Well, we love this place and
we hope to be here the rest
of production and through
post production, as well.
Maybe even longer, with
your blessing, of course.
- That's what I
indicated to Zach.
But he wanted to come and size
up the situation for himself.
So he and I will discuss it,
and then I'll get back to you
with a projected time frame.
- Not necessary.
You're Hollywood people, right?
- I direct and Daniel
here, he produces.
- Hey.
- I see.
Well, the vibe here disturbs me.
- Ah, we can turn
down the music.
- Could you turn down the
depravity and moral decay?
- I could burn some sage.
- Perfume cannot hide the
most heinous of stenches.
- It worked during the
Middle Ages. (laughs)
No one bathed.
They got pretty ripe.
- Look, your show biz lifestyle
conflicts with everything
that I've been studying,
everything that I now believe.
I'm afraid I'm gonna need you
out of here as soon as possible.
- Ah, sorry, Austin.
I guess this serves
as your 30 day notice.
We'll make it official
in writing tomorrow.
- And what about
the guest house?
- Ah, that'd be Ernie.
- I'll need to meet him.
- He's through there.
- A really good guy.
He's the salt of the Earth.
- [Austin] The best.
- [Crowd] Ernie, Ernie,
Ernie, Ernie, Ernie!
- There he is.
(crowd cheering)
(knocking)
(Ernesto groaning)
(knocking)
- Ernie?
Ernie!
Ernie!
- Hi.
- We didn't get a chance
to meet last night,
but I'm Jerry's nephew, Zach.
- Nice to meet you.
Sorry, I didn't mean to yell.
- You didn't.
- Then can you stop?
Excuse me.
- Douglas will be giving
you written notice,
but I wanted to let you know
that I'll need you
out in 30 days.
- Why, are you moving in?
- No.
- You've rented to someone else?
- [Zach] No.
- You're selling the place?
- No.
- Then why do you want me out?
- I just returned from extended
time with the Dalai Lama,
and it changed me,
for the better.
Now I know who I really am.
- And who you really
are wants me out?
- Actually, yes.
Now that I have
discovered true peace,
it's important that
I surround myself
with calm and tranquility.
You and your crowd are
the antithesis of that.
Your hard-partying ways
are just a bad fit.
- I'm not a hard partier.
- Your actions last
night say otherwise.
- I was just trying
to help somebody.
- Yes, drinking yourself into
oblivion is very philanthropic.
- But I really like
it here, it's my home.
- Yes, for the next 30 days.
- All right, guys, so that
concludes our safety meeting.
Hopefully the weather
will cooperate,
but in the meantime
let's get set up
for the first shot, all right?
All right.
- Everybody, can I have
your attention please?
Please, whatever
you're doing just stop.
- This doesn't sound good.
- Ernie, what's going on?
- I don't know.
- I come from a grand theater
tradition, I can project.
(light instrumental music)
All right, there's really
no great way to say this,
so just gonna get
straight to the point.
The studio is having
some financial problems,
so they may try to shut us down.
(crew groaning)
I'm not saying it's
definitely gonna happen,
but it's a possibility.
- A very real possibility.
- That being said, I
know you've all put
a lot of time and
energy and more
than a lot of love
into this movie,
so I'm not just willing
to let it go away.
It's gonna take a
lot of work, okay,
but if we all pull
together and work harder,
and smarter, and faster,
I think we can keep
this puppy alive.
- Nothing sadder
than a dead puppy.
- I don't feel so well.
- I don't think he
means a real doggy.
- That's not what I mean.
This film was supposed
to be my big break.
If they pull the plug,
I may as well kiss my
acting career goodbye.
- There will be other films.
- You don't know that.
- So we've come up
with a new schedule.
You're all gonna get a copy.
But the only way
it's gonna work is
if you're all committed to this.
So who's with me?
- Yeah!
(crew cheering)
- Okay, great!
Let's go ahead and get
set up for the next shot.
And thank you, everybody.
Let's do this!
That went better than I thought.
- Let's hit the.
- I have an idea.
- Okay.
- Go on.
- I know night scenes are
hard to shoot and cost a lot.
What if we just make all
the night scenes day scenes?
- You know, this could work.
- Yeah, it absolutely can.
In fact, some of these scenes
might play even better that way.
- It would definitely
speed up production.
And save us a ton of money.
- Ernie, you're
brilliant! (kiss smacks)
(chuckles) Daniel,
I think our friend
just earned himself
a better title.
That's real producer thinking.
So why don't we make him one?
- Well, we do have five of
them, four of whom do nothing.
One more can't hurt.
- A producer?
- Yes, but we can only give
you a little more money.
- I'd do it for less money.
- Oh, you don't wanna
say that out loud, Ernie.
They'll throw you out
of the Producers Guild
before you even get in.
- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm just messing with
you, man, congratulations.
We should really fill
in the department heads.
- Yeah, right.
See you around, Mister Producer.
- Check it out.
- [Kendall] Hey, Austin,
do you have a minute?
- Sure.
- I'm kinda freaking out
about what you just said.
- Ah, don't, okay, I
think it'll be okay.
I just needed to
rally the troops.
And besides Ernie
already has a great fix.
So you just go concentrate
on your performance
and let us worry
about the money.
- And by us he means me.
- (laughs) Oh, one more thing.
Who was that guy at your party,
the one who seemed
so out-of-place?
- I'm not sure who
you're talking about.
- He was with
another guy and they
took off when they saw us
start the drinking game.
- Oh, she's talking
about Douglas
and your soon to be ex-landlord.
- Ah, yeah, Zach.
Apparently he doesn't
approve of show folk,
so he's kicking me out.
- [Daniel] And Ernie, he was
especially pissed at him.
- Why?
Ernie's a sweetheart.
- He was put off by the way
Ernie was pounding 'em back.
- But that wasn't his fault.
- Doesn't matter.
In a few weeks, Ernie
and I are toast.
- Hey, Javier.
- Douglas!
- Zach just wanted to check
out the weekend lunch business.
- Thought I'd get a feel
for how the place runs.
- Well, you're welcome any time,
which of course you knew
that since you own the place.
I really am not an
imbecile, really.
- Relax.
I'm not planning on
making any changes
right away, so your job is safe.
- Thanks, boss.
It smells good.
Maybe we should grab a bite.
- Oh, I can always eat.
- Excellent.
Come right this way.
Here we are.
- [Douglas] Thank you.
- Enjoy your meal.
And if you need
anything, just ask.
Anything.
- [Douglas] Hey, Ernie!
- Douglas, Zach, welcome.
- You work here?
- Weekends.
- But I thought you
were a producer?
- Oh, he is, but he
still works shifts
here out of loyalty
to your uncle.
- It's the least I can do.
Everything is good,
but our chicken mole
is the best anywhere!
(sighing)
- Ooh, let's see.
(camera snapping)
(knocking)
- Austin, it's
Zach, your landlord.
You there?
Austin?
(sighing)
(water pouring)
(pleasant acoustic guitar music)
- You should all be very proud.
You're beautiful,
strong and healthy.
I'll miss you all when I'm
gone, but don't be sad.
We'll be okay.
- [Steve] Ernie,
can't touch that!
- I can't?
- It's a grievance.
Only electricians can
touch this, union rules.
Hey!
- You may have to grievance
me, I touched the light.
- You also saved me from
a serious face-plant.
You're cool.
- I'm cool.
- Ernie, we need to
keep things moving
so go tell makeup to
get their ass in gear.
We need Kendall on set.
And asap!
(groaning)
- Oh, hey, Ernie!
I'm so sorry that I got you
in trouble with your landlord.
You were just trying
to help me out.
- It's okay.
Where's Cassie?
- She called in sick.
So I'm a person down,
and I'm way behind.
- She's sick?
- She damn well better be,
I haven't had a
cigarette break in hours,
and I am jonesing big time.
Was there something
else you wanted?
- Yes, Kendall, on the set
with somebody named asap.
- I'm going as fast as I can.
- Good.
That must mean your
ass is already on gear.
- What?
- Kyle!
- Kinda busy, man.
- How is Cassie?
Is she feeling better?
Does she needs anything?
- Not from you.
I got her covered, so back off.
Capiche?
(solemn acoustic guitar music)
(knocking)
- Just a minute, I'm
grabbing my wallet.
All right.
Ernesto?
I thought you were
the pizza guy.
- Pizza?
Good, that must mean
you feel better.
- Oh, because I
called in sick, yeah.
- I was worried about you.
- That's so sweet.
I'm doing better, thanks.
- Eye trouble?
- What?
- You're wearing
sunglasses inside.
- It's ironic.
I'm a makeup artist and
no matter what I tried
I couldn't cover it up.
- Are you okay?
- We shouldn't do this
out here, come in.
- What happened?
- (sighs) Please don't judge me.
- I would never judge.
- Kyle just got so mad.
- He hit you?
- Yes.
- Has he done it before?
You need to leave.
- He was really sorry.
He said he wouldn't do it again.
- And you believe him?
- I have to.
- It's not right.
- Ernesto, promise
me that you will
not say anything to Kyle,
that you won't say
anything to anybody.
- But it's right!
- Promise me.
- Okay.
- You shouldn't be here.
Kyle will be home any minute.
It wouldn't be good
if you were here.
Thank you, Ernesto.
- That'll be 15.85.
- Here, keep the change.
- Thanks!
- Thank you.
(solemn acoustic guitar music)
You didn't have to do that.
- I can afford it.
I am a big-shot producer now.
- You really are a Godsend.
- If God sent me, why
do you send me away?
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Veronica] It's me, Ernesto!
- Oh, hi, Veronica.
- I just got a sec,
but I wanted you
to know I'm coming back to
Cali and I'd love to see you.
- Why?
- Because, silly,
it's been a long time.
And I have a surprise.
- What kind of surprise?
- You'll find out
when I see you.
Okay, gotta go.
Talk to you later.
- I used to love
that woman, Nenita.
I think I'm the biggest schmuck.
- Okay, background.
We'll get you guys
set in a minute
so don't wander
too far, all right?
Oh, Ernie!
Have you seen Austin?
I need to talk to
him about setting
the extras for the final shot.
- I'll find him.
- All right, thank you.
(upbeat Latin pop music)
- Excuse me, do you know where
I can find Ernie Hernandez?
- He's out looking
for our director.
He went that way.
- Steve, you seen Austin?
- A minute ago.
He went over there with Daniel.
- Thanks.
- I'm so sick of that?
- Why were you, why?
Yes, you were!
Listen to me, I saw you, okay!
Why 'cause you know I'm right?
- Is everything okay?
- Stay out of this, man.
This doesn't concern
you, all right?
- I don't think so.
- You're hurting me!
Let go!
- Let her go, now!
- Listen, son.
I don't take orders from
waiters, I give 'em to 'em.
Now, what do you
wanna do about it?
- [Chuck] Everything
all right here?
- Let go of the young lady.
- (laughs) Yeah, I
don't take orders
from extras either,
all right, man.
(men grunting)
Hey, get off!
(thudding)
You got no right
to do this, man!
- You assaulted this woman
and a police officer,
you are under arrest!
(scoffing)
- Hey, you're taking
this method acting
thing way too far, man!
I will sue you!
- I don't think so,
they are real policemen.
I had our casting
people hire them.
- For authenticity.
- And in case you tried
to hurt someone, again.
Not bad for a waiter, huh?
(light acoustic guitar music)
- Come on, let's go.
- I'm sorry, I had
to do something.
- Thank you.
- [Douglas] Nicely done, Ernie!
- [Zach] Yes, very impressive.
- [Ernesto] It was nothing.
- Maybe to you, but
to me it means a lot.
- And that means a lot to me.
- Well, sorry to
interrupt this love fest,
but we actually have
some news for you, Ernie.
Good news, delivered
by an attorney!
Guys at the firm are
never gonna believe this.
(camera snapping)
- Good news?
- Maybe I should tell him?
- Okay, but I'm
still taking credit.
- I need to apologize
to you, Ernie.
- I accept.
- But you don't know what I did.
- It's okay, you already
say you are sorry,
that's good enough for me.
- I was so wrong about you.
But now I've discovered
the guy you really are.
- I tried to tell him,
no, wouldn't listen to me.
Then he gets this long text
from some Kendall girl,
and suddenly he's a believer.
- Kendall?
- She explained your drinking,
and praised your character.
- I think it was her use emojis
that really sealed the deal.
- They were very compelling.
Look, I made a snap judgment
about you, and I was wrong.
- It's okay, it happens.
- No, I shouldn't have
judged you to begin with.
It goes against all of the
Dalai Lama's teachings.
Apparently I have
much more to learn.
- Life is full of lessons.
- Exactly!
So I'm returning to India
to resume my studies,
if His Holiness will have me.
And since I don't know when,
or if I'm ever coming back,
I'm divesting myself from
all entanglements here.
I'm turning everything
over to you.
(pleasant acoustic guitar music)
- Jerry named you as an
alternate beneficiary.
- I don't understand?
- The house and guest
house, all the furnishings,
and Los Toros, all
yours, free and clear.
- Even the orchids?
(laughing)
- You are a very
special person, Ernie.
Uncle Jerry knew it,
and now I know it, too.
I know he's smiling
down on us right now.
Good luck to you, Ernie.
- I don't know what to say.
Next to discovering Target,
this is the best thing
that ever happen to me.
No, Cassie is the best thing,
but Target is a
strong number two.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
(crowd chattering)
- I'm gonna miss
you so much, Ernie.
You're like my best
friend on this movie.
- Don't miss me,
visit me anytime.
You know where I live.
- I'm gonna be here so much,
you're gonna get
sick of me. (laughs)
Stay in touch, I mean it.
- More women kissing you?
- I'm like a magnet for lips.
- No, I would say you are.
(whistling)
- Wrap parties can
be bittersweet.
We meet, we work together, and
then we go our separate ways.
But I want each and
every one of you to know
how much I cherish you all,
and this baby that
we birthed together.
- Yes, and thanks to
the powers-that-be
putting the squeeze on us,
the delivery was
a bit premature.
(laughing)
But healthy nonetheless.
So thank you, everybody,
for all the hard work
through some very
difficult conditions.
You really came
through in a big way.
- And I want to give a
special shoutout to Ernie,
who started out as my neighbor,
then became a producer,
and is now my landlord.
(crowd laughing)
(crowd cheering)
Thank you, Ernie,
for your wisdom,
your common sense, and your
all around general goodness.
We couldn't have done
this without you.
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
All right, so everybody
enjoy yourselves, all right.
Eat, drink, dance, whatever,
have a fantastic time.
You've earned it!
- Yes!
(crowd cheering)
- Thank you for what you said.
- I meant it.
Working with you has been
one of my favorite things
to come out of this production.
- This movie changed
my life in a big way.
- Yeah, mine, too.
It's how I met my
wonderful Ernesto.
- That's me, can you believe it?
(laughing)
- So, Ernie, you
still waiting tables
over at Los Toros now
that you own the place?
- Not anymore.
- No, he agreed to sell it
to a big restaurant group
that's wanted it
for a long time.
- Wow.
Sounds like you'll be rolling
in the dough, my friend.
- Yeah.
Might have to hit you up to
finance our next feature.
(laughing)
- Actually, my
generous boyfriend
is donating most of the money
to a battered women's
shelter right by the studio.
- They need the
money more than I do.
- That's one of
the most amazing,
selfless gestures
I've ever heard of.
Keep it to yourself.
You might give Hollywood
producers a good name.
- Yeah, we can't have that.
We have a heinous
reputation to uphold.
(laughing)
- I like that take.
Looks real.
- You got a good eye, Ernie,
I marked that one, too.
Let's make that the master.
(phone ringing)
- Hi, Veronica.
You're in L.A.?
Now?
Okay, meet me here at the
corner of Fifth and Central.
I'll see you then.
That was my ex-girlfriend.
- She wants to see you?
- Yes, in a half hour.
- Good luck.
- I don't need
luck, I got Cassie.
(upbeat pop music)
- [Veronica] Ernesto!
(smacking kisses)
- Hi, Veronica.
- Yum Yum's sorry
he couldn't make it,
but he's at the spa
getting a massage.
He's been under a lot of stress.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- This is Arlo.
- Hi, Arlo.
- Hello.
- He's a very
successful businessman.
Owns his own barber shop.
- With four chairs. (laughs)
- Ernesto, you're sweet, but
Arlo here is a real catch.
- I'm happy for you.
- See, what did I tell you?
- Yeah, he's just how
you described him.
- I know, right?
- Oh, who's this?
- Oh.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's okay.
- This is my Cassie.
- How sweet.
- It's really nice to meet you.
- I'm sure.
(gasps) I have that surprise
I promised you, Ernesto!
And here it is.
I said, here it is!
- Oh, yeah!
- Ah, surprise!
Oh, the look on your face
is absolutely priceless!
(laughs) Makes this
trip worthwhile!
Relax, silly boy,
it's not yours.
- No, I'm the baby daddy, yeah.
- So are you shocked?
- Not as much as I was.
- A little.
But I'm happy for both of you.
- Congratulations.
- A diamond solitaire?
- Oh, you like?
Me, too.
Ernesto has such
great taste. (laughs)
- You're engaged?
- Surprise!
- Nice design, huh?
I wonder if they make
that in cubic zirconia?
- So, Ernesto, why
are we meeting here?
- I work here.
- Oh.
At that charming Mexican
restaurant across the street?
- No.
Here.
- Oh, in the commissary?
- Oh, I've never
been in a commissary.
Do they serve the frog's legs?
I've always wanted to try those.
- Look right up there.
- Hot To Cold.
So what?
- Pay close attention
to the producer's name.
- Ernesto Hernandez.
Wait.
My Ernesto's a producer?
- No.
My Ernesto is a producer.
- Hey, babe, how cool is that?
- So cool.
- And look at that
building right over there.
- The Ernesto Hernandez Center
for Endangered
Women and Families.
What the fuck?!
- I found a catch, too.
- I was wrong, babe.
He's not how you
described him at all.
- Don't touch me!
Call us another Uber.
We're leaving!
(upbeat pop music)
- Bye, Veronica, bye, Arlo.
- It was nice meeting you!
I'm so over the lottery.
I feel like I buy and I buy
and I buy and I never win.
- Me, too, but it's
really big tonight,
so I'd like to get one.
- Okay, knock yourself out.
- Wait, is that an expression?
(Cassie laughing)
- You are learning,
you're catching on.
That's great!
- I hope so, because I
really hate hurting myself.
(Cassie laughing)
- [Cassie] Oh, you
know what I feel like?
- I'm touching you,
and you feel good.
- Yes.
So do you.
But I was thinking it might
be nice to get some ice cream.
There is a 31 Flavors
down this street.
- Perfect!
I think I'm gonna get a
scoop in every flavor.
- Knock yourself up.
(Cassie laughing)
- That's not right?
- It's close, it's
very, very close.
- And now I introduce to
you for the first time ever,
Mr. and Mrs. Ernesto Hernandez!
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
("Wedding March" by Mendelssohn)
(lively percussion music)
- Thanks for the
congas, Ernesto!
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat Latin pop music)
(crowd applauding)
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
- Surprised?
- Completely.
But you didn't need to do this.
I'm not even sure
how you did this.
- Love, and a big truck.
I just wanted to give
you something special
for our wedding.
- And all I got you was a watch.
- And I love it!
It's now my second
favorite thing, behind you.
I guess Target's
now number three.
- I can't believe I married
such a wonderful man.
I'm so lucky.
- We both are so lucky.
(women sobbing)
Welcome home, Mrs. Hernandez.
- There is no place
I would rather be,
Mr. Hernandez!
(laughing)
("You Are The One" by
Squirrels in the Attic)
You are the one I
never knew I needed, ah
I felt all right, but
now I feel completed, ah
I was stuck in place
Without momentum
or direction
Then I saw your face
And all my senses
made connection
You are the one I
never knew I needed, ah
I felt all right but
now I feel completed, ah
I was satisfied
That what I had
was all I wanted
You made me realize
My hopes and dreams
had all been blunted
You are the one I
never knew I needed
Fill my world so sweetly
I felt all right but
now I feel completed
Share your love completely
You are the one
Fill my world so sweetly
You are the one
Share your love completely
You are the one
You are the one
You are the one
(upbeat Latin music)
(crowd clapping)
(crowd cheering)
(bell dinging)
(dramatic Latin pop music)
- Here's your man.
(Yum Yum growling)
Thanks, Ernesto.
I'll see you next week.
- Your girlfriend's a
lucky lady, Ernesto.
- Thanks, Ernesto!
- Hola, Ernesto.
- Hola, Yum Yum!
- [Angela] Crazy weather, huh?
(excited breathing)
- (sighs) Thank you,
Weight Watchers.
(door shutting)
Oh.
Baby, I'm so glad to see you!
(gasps) How's my sweet boy?
You're my sweet boy,
so clean and fragrant.
Hi, Ernesto, you smell
like a burnt chimichangas.
Oh!
On the cheek, please, I
just got my lips perfect.
(Yum Yum growling)
- For you.
- (gasps) How sweet!
Put them in water for me?
Put 'em with your other ones.
And toss out the older ones,
they're beginning to reek.
(gasps) Did you get the raise?
My business at the
salon is really down.
(laughing)
(Yum Yum barking)
Isn't it cute how
possessive he is?
- Cute?
Yes.
- So, the raise?
You're kidding?
Well, what did they say?
- You're fired.
- Because you wanted more money?
- Not exactly.
And how about you?
I'll be right back.
I'll take care of it.
- Thanks.
- Dine and dash?
- No, it's too crowded.
Better idea.
- How may I help you?
- I hate to complain, but
our service was terrible.
Absolutely the worst.
- Yeah, our server was slow,
rude, and just
completely not helpful.
- Who waited on you?
- Him.
- Ernesto?
- Yeah, he sucked!
- Come here.
These gentlemen say you
that were rude to them!
- Oh, I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to be.
Can I get you a free flan?
- That's not gonna cut it, you
should comp our whole meal.
- Yeah, that's pretty
much the only way I'm
not gonna totally
trash you guys on Yelp.
- Of course, of course.
This is coming out of your pay.
- Sorry.
- So that means your
paycheck will be even less?
That's terrible!
- It get worst.
Hey, Juan.
- Back off, man!
- Is there a problem?
- Uh, yeah, I saw Ernesto taking
money from the cash drawer.
- What?
- What?
- I saw him, Dad.
(register whirring)
- How could you?
- I didn't do anything.
- Then where's the money?
- I don't know.
- I've treated you like family,
and this is how you pay me back?
- I swear, I didn't!
- You're fired.
I want you to leave right now.
Now.
- Oh, that makes me so mad!
- Raul is not such a bad guy.
- I'm mad at you!
What are we supposed
to do for money?
How will we pay
for food, for rent?
For shoes?
- You don't have enough shoes?
- (gasps) Shoes are my
signature accessory!
Plus they are the one thing
that separate us from animals,
and I will not live
like an animal,
and neither will Yum Yum.
What are you going to do?
- I'll find work.
- But that could take days!
How will we survive
in the meantime?
- Well, you have a job.
- And?
- Maybe you can
kick in a little?
- This isn't working.
I should have
listened to my mother.
She said you would never
amount to anything,
and I told her she was wrong.
Damn you for making her right!
- I'll find a job.
I promise.
- It's too late.
I can't live with uncertainty.
Yum Yum and I will
move in with Mommy.
- In Miami?
- At least her man
is a great provider.
- I thought she divorced him.
- Yes.
He provides from a distance.
Mommy's got all the luck.
(somber acoustic guitar music)
Well, all packed!
Let's keep this simple, okay?
- Okay.
- They say that people
come into your life
for a season, a
reason, or a lifetime.
Our season is just over.
Oh, you've always been
so sweet to me, Ernesto.
But sweet don't pay the bills.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
It's better this way.
For me, anyway.
- It's going to be
sad here without you.
- True, but not for long.
They've already
re-rented the place.
Two frat boys move in tomorrow,
so you'll need to
be out tonight.
See?
Clean break for both of us.
(lips smacking)
(Yum Yum growling)
Toodles!
Oh!
Two more things.
I left that ficus
plant you like so much,
I always hated that thing.
So, you're welcome.
And two, we won't get
any of the deposit
money back unless the
place is spotless.
I just got my nails done, so
could you please be a dear,
and take care of that?
Thanks!
(solemn instrumental music)
(sighing)
- My little Nenita.
A nice shower will perk you up.
(water spraying)
She's going to miss us.
I know she will.
(toilet flushing)
(suitcase clattering)
(dramatic instrumental music)
Ah!
(body thudding)
(trash clattering)
(Ernesto grunting)
(bag thudding)
(shower spraying)
(somber acoustic guitar music)
(thunder rumbling)
- That'll be $95, plus tax.
- That much?
- Yeah.
How you gonna pay?
- I have.
- Sorry, no discounts.
You got a credit
card, something?
- No.
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
- I don't have all night.
You're holding up
Daisy and her friend.
- No rush, Joey.
Easy, meter's not running.
- Look, sport, unless you
come up with the difference,
I can't help you.
- Wait.
Baby, can we help
this poor guy out?
- We?
You help him out.
- No, that's nice, but.
- I'll make it worth your while.
- Okay.
- Here, you're good.
Room 143.
Checkout's at noon.
- Thank you!
- Hey, I'm just a horny schmuck.
- Does that mean a generous guy?
- In my experience it does.
- Ah, horny schmuck.
I like that.
- (laughs) You and me both.
- I will send you the money,
if you just give
me your name and.
- Oh, no names.
Consider it a gift.
Good luck.
- Okay.
(distant thumping)
(distant moaning)
- So how may we help you today?
- I'd like to take out money.
- Perfect, do you have
a withdrawal slip?
- I don't know, my girlfriend
always does the banking.
- It's not a problem,
what's your name?
- Ernesto Hernandez.
- Hernandez.
Ernesto P or Ernesto W?
- Ernesto P.
- Perfect.
Do you have your ATM card?
- Veronica does.
I could call her, but she's
still in bed, it's only 11:30.
- Uh-huh.
May I see your I.D.?
- Yeah.
- Perfect.
Is this your current address?
- No.
- May I have it?
- As soon as I get it.
- I mean, where are
you currently living?
- Your guess is as good as mine.
- Let's start again.
Address?
- I'd like one.
- You don't have one?
Where do you sleep?
- In a bed.
Where do you sleep?
- Do you have another
form of identification,
like a credit card?
- No, I pay cash.
That's why I came to get some.
- Well, you need a credit
card so I know who you are.
- Okay, you talked me into it.
- Into what?
- A credit card, I'll take one.
- Do you have credit?
- I will as soon as
you give me the card.
- I can't do that.
- I'll take the cash then.
- I can't do that either.
- Then how do I get my money?
- Come back with a credit card!
- Excuse me, may I
borrow your credit card?
- Not hers!
Yours.
- Thanks anyway.
- Hi.
(solemn acoustic guitar music)
(upbeat percussion music)
- Yeah, thank you.
Have a good day!
(coins clanking)
Thanks, Ernesto.
Where's your furry
little friend?
- Miami.
- Wish I could travel.
Maybe when I get my big break.
Why you so sad?
- Oh, lost my job, lost my
girl, lost my apartment.
- Well, I can't help with
the apartment or the girl,
but I did see a help
wanted sign over there.
- Mexican restaurant?
I have experience in those!
- That's perfect,
you should go apply!
- Maybe you should have
the first shot at it?
- Me, nah, nah,
drumming's my gig.
You check it out.
And I'll even play
you some special
Ernesto walk-away
music for good luck.
(uptempo percussion music)
(lively instrumental music)
(Ernesto muttering)
- Good day's work, Ernesto.
- Thanks, Javier.
- (laughs) So, did you make
enough to get a room tonight?
- Almost.
- I hear you.
You could stay with us,
but our place is small,
and my wife has the flu.
- Oh, I hope she
gets better soon.
- Me, too.
When she can't
sleep, nobody does.
- Oh.
- There might be
something I could do,
although Jerry wouldn't like it.
- Jerry?
- The owner.
Good guy, but he's
pretty by-the-book.
- And he gets mad if
you don't buy the book?
- (laughs) No.
No, there is no book,
it's an expression.
I like you, Ernesto.
You seem like good people.
So I'm gonna do something
I probably shouldn't.
- I don't want to
get you in trouble.
- I'll take my chances.
Our office is pretty crowded,
but there's a couch
there that you
can crash on for a few nights.
But let's keep this
our little secret.
And don't touch anything, okay?
- (laughs) Got it, no touching.
That was my
girlfriend's rules, too.
- Been there.
(pleasant ambient music)
(Ernesto snoring)
- What the hell
are you doing here?
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Sleeping?
- [Jerry] I'm not an idiot!
Did Javier tell you
you could do this?
- Javier?
I don't know any Javier.
I didn't have any
place to sleep,
so I snuck in after
everybody left.
- You snuck in?
Through the side door?
- Yes.
- We don't have a side door,
only a back and a front!
- The door on the back side.
- I just came in
through that door,
it was locked and
the alarm was on.
How do you explain that?
- I'm a good sneaker?
- You are?
- The best.
I sneak in everywhere
without help.
I'm a wolf with no friends.
- You mean a lone wolf?
- Yes, that.
(Jerry chuckling)
You are not scared of me?
I could be dangerous.
- I'll take my chances.
- That's what Javier said.
- You said you
didn't know Javier.
(groaning)
- (stammers) I did say that.
We met today where he
hired me to wait tables.
- Really?
(light piano music)
He's barely more
than a stranger,
yet you show him such loyalty.
- He helped me so I help him.
- Hmm.
Sir,
you humble me.
What's your name?
- Ernesto.
- Ernesto was my
dad's best friend.
Called him Uncle Ernie,
he was a good man.
You mind if I call
you Ernie, too?
- Ernie Two, Ernie
Three, whatever you like.
- I'm Jerry, Jerry Cochran.
You know, I like you, Ernie,
and I don't like many people.
That said, you're
not sleeping here.
Pack up your things.
- I understand.
(pleasant piano music)
I don't understand.
- You can crash here.
It's my guest house,
which makes you my guest.
- Really?
Thank you.
You are truly a schmuck.
- I beg your pardon?
- Maybe the most
schmuck I ever met.
(chuckling)
What's so funny?
- You, Ernie!
What do you think the
word schmuck means?
- A generous guy.
That's not right?
- No.
People usually use it
to mean idiot or fool.
But literally, it's a penis.
- I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to call you a penis.
I'll leave.
- (laughs) Ernie, I've
been called a schmuck
before by people who
actually know what it means.
And I think that's
the funniest thing
I've heard in a long time.
"The most schmuck I ever met."
I think I want that carved
on my tombstone. (laughs)
(pleasant acoustic guitar music)
- There you go,
Nenita, drink up,
then we'll give you
some indirect sunlight.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- [Jerry] Does it ever answer?
- Not with words.
But she feels better
when I talk to her.
- Maybe I should have
you talk to my orchids.
They never seem to
last. (chuckles)
- I could try.
- Really?
Okay, what the hell.
- You have a very
beautiful yard.
- Because I have a very
expensive gardener.
- He must love his work.
- His employees do
most of the work,
but he does love billing
me for their time.
- Your home is a palace.
- Don't be too impressed,
it's a family heirloom.
- Like a tomato?
- (laughs) No.
What I mean is this property has
been in the family for years.
The Cochrans are old money.
- Does age of money matter?
- In Pasadena it does, big time.
Old money is
respected and revered.
There they are, like I said,
on their last legs,
or stem thingys.
- They look sad.
- Leave it to me to have
depressed vegetation.
- [Ernesto] And maybe
a little lonely.
- They've got each other.
- You can be lonely in a crowd.
You are all beautiful,
you know that?
And you are not alone.
You are among friends.
- Sounds like group therapy.
- They need love and attention.
Treat them like you
treat your wife.
- Give them half my stuff
and file a restraining order?
I'm divorced.
It wasn't pretty.
- The new guy may be
our best worker yet.
- Yes, I'm very
impressed with him.
- Me too, boss.
- That must be why you let
him sleep on the couch.
- He told you that?
- No, I figured it out.
What were you thinking?
- Sorry.
I guess I'm just a softie.
- [Jerry] You need
to toughen up.
- Got it.
I promise it won't happen again.
- Damn straight.
My guest house is much
nicer than that ratty couch.
- He's staying with you?
But you just said.
- I guess I'm a softie, too.
(water spritzing)
(phone ringing)
- Who's interrupting
our lounging?
Must be a man.
They ruin everything.
- Even sex?
- Especially sex.
- It's Ernesto.
- (groans) A poor
man, even worse.
No, don't you dare answer that!
- Shouldn't I check to
make sure he's okay?
- And if he isn't,
you gonna do anything?
- Well, no.
- So why bother?
You're not a fatty anymore,
quit thinking like one.
It's time to focus on
finding a more suitable man.
- And by more suitable,
you mean rich.
- (laughs) Rich is
a relative term.
- [Together] Which is why you
make a rich man your relative.
- Oh, sweetie, you remembered.
- You embroidered
it on my underwear.
- It was a very
important lesson.
I wanted you to
see it every day,
and tattooing a four-year-old
was frowned upon.
(vocalized clinking)
- [Veronica Voice Message]
Hi, I'm doing something
fabulous right now and
can't be disturbed.
Leave a message, and
if I like what I hear,
I'll call you back.
Ciao!
(pleasant acoustic music)
- You are looking
beautiful today.
So healthy, so strong!
- [Jerry] Knock, knock.
- [Ernesto] Hi, Jerry!
- Ernie, this is Douglas.
- Nice to meet you.
- [Douglas] Same here.
- Doug is my lawyer.
- Could you say I
was your friend?
- Well, you are, but
you're also my lawyer.
- But everybody hates lawyers!
All the jokes about lawyers,
they end up with us being
road-kill, or worse!
Everybody thinks it's funny.
- 'Cause it is.
- I know, that's
what makes it so bad!
- [Jerry] Anyway.
- Attorneys, as a group, suck.
- If you hate your job so
much, why do you do it?
- [Together] The money.
- If people are
gonna despise you,
there might as well be
some benefit, right?
- Anyway, Doug brought over
a bottle of Johnny
Walker Platinum,
which he can afford, since
he's rolling in dough
'cause he's a scumbag lawyer.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
- [Ernesto] I never
had this before.
- Single malt scotch?
- No, hard liquor.
- Really?
- A beer, wine,
sometimes, but that's all.
- Sounds like you've
led a pretty clean life.
- I take a shower every day.
(laughing)
- Jerry, you're right,
this guy's a hoot!
- And a wizard with plants.
- I just treat them nice,
like I treat everybody.
- That's a very good way to be.
- Luckily, more people
aren't like that,
or I'd be out of business.
- To Ernesto, a good man and,
though we haven't known each
other long, a very good friend.
- Yes, friends.
(glasses clinking)
- I'll drink to that.
You really have never
had hard liquor before?
- No.
- He's never been
married before.
- Got it.
(water spraying)
- Hello, Jerry, it's me Ernie.
Just came in to take
care of the orchids.
Jerry, I just.
(solemn orchestral music)
- Last night as I was putting
together the deposits.
I had a question so I picked up
the phone and I
started to call him.
- Yeah, I can't
believe he's gone.
- Have you guys seen Ernie?
- He's in the kitchen.
- Thanks.
Hey, Ernie, how you holding up?
- The plants need me.
That helps.
- Hard to imagine a
world without Jerry.
Unfortunately, life goes on.
I know Jerry was
really fond of you,
so I'm sure he'd
want you to stay on
in the guest house until we
need to make other arrangements.
- Arrangements?
- Jerry left the property
and the business,
pretty much everything
to his nephew, Zach.
- Oh.
- Problem is, Zach's
a bit of a nomad.
Having trouble finding him.
So till I track him down,
in keeping with Jerry's wishes,
I'm gonna rent out the house.
- And when you find Zach?
- Who knows?
What happens then is
completely his decision.
- Hi!
Are you Ernie?
- Yes.
- Douglas told me to
come introduce myself.
I'm Austin.
I'm you're new neighbor.
I'm renting the house.
- Oh, nice to meet you.
- Yeah, same here.
Listen, since I'm renting
pretty much as is,
I was wondering if
you could continue
to take care of the beautiful
orchids in the kitchen.
Douglas says you have
a real way with them.
Me, I kill anything green.
- I'd be happy to.
- Great, I'll pay
you, of course.
- Oh no, I do it for love.
The plants, not you.
We just met.
- (laughs) You're
a funny guy, Ernie.
- People say that,
I don't know why.
- Okay, well, since
I can't pay you,
why don't you come to a party
I'm throwing tomorrow night.
It's kind of a
housewarming thing.
- Housewarming?
Maybe if you just turned
off the air conditioning.
- (laughs) Like I
said, funny guy.
So you'll join us?
- Yes.
- Great, we'll see
you tomorrow night.
(distant dance music)
(laughs) Welcome.
Have a great time.
Ernie, hey, glad
you could make it!
This is Daniel.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Hi!
You have a lot of friends.
- They're crew members, it's
their job to be friends.
- Great party, Austin!
- Thank you.
- Thanks for having us, boss.
- [Austin] My pleasure.
- They seem to like their job.
What is it you do?
- I direct a film
here and there.
- He's being
uncharacteristically modest.
- I'm quite good at that.
- See?
- Si.
- He's got a Golden
Globe, two DGA awards,
and four paternity suits.
- And what is it you do?
- I produce him, God help me.
(laughing)
- [Cassie] Those
are lovely orchids.
- Thanks.
- Oh, they're yours?
Oh, I thought they
were Austin's.
- Yes, but I take care of them.
- You're doing a
really good job.
- I'm Cassie.
And you are?
- Ernie!
I see you've met Cassie, our
makeup artist extraordinaire.
- Yes, she likes your flowers.
- Oh no, this guy's
got a green thumb.
I bet he can make anything grow.
- Anything?
Wow.
Shame you didn't meet my ex
before she got her implants.
Coulda saved me a bundle
on her bundles. (laughs)
- Kyle, that's not nice.
- I'm just joking, babe.
She hates when I bring up my ex.
- So you are her husband?
- Husband?
No way, Jose!
- Ernesto.
- I mean, Cassie and
I we're tight and all,
but we're just
keeping things chill,
seeing where they
go, right, babe?
- We live together.
- Yeah.
Know what, I'm a little dry.
I'm gonna grab me
another beer. (laughs)
- Cassie, your
boyfriend's a great grip,
but he's a real piece of work.
- Oh, he's a good guy deep down.
- Well, if he makes you
happy, who are we to judge?
- He does.
- I think it's about time
for that screening, huh?
- Copy that!
- Screening?
- Yeah, we're
showing a rough cut
of the scene we shot yesterday.
Join us?
- Yes.
- [Austin] Great.
- So is it Ernie or Ernesto?
- Either.
- I like Ernesto.
- Ernesto likes you, too.
- Oh. (laughs)
I meant I like
the name, Ernesto.
It's more dignified.
It's more you.
- More me?
Good, because I'm the
most me of anyone.
- (laughs) Okay.
Let's go.
- Thank you all for
helping me break
in my temporary new home.
I hope you're all
enjoying yourselves.
And to that end, I've
got a very special treat.
A private, first look at
a scene we shot yesterday!
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
- Which we are going to screen
right now since
it's getting late,
and we don't wanna give anyone
an excuse for missing your
very early call tomorrow.
- Okay, now if I must say
so myself, and I must,
I am very happy with
how it turned out.
So I hope you like it.
So now here it is, for
the first time anywhere,
a rough-cut of
the sidewalk scene
of our soon to be hit movie,
- Fingers crossed.
(crowd cheering)
- Hot To Cold.
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
(gentle piano music)
And rolling.
- [Chase] Anya?
- Chase!
- [Chase] I can't
believe we almost
just walked right
past each other.
- [Anya] I know!
- [Chase] How are you?
- Always cold,
except when I'm hot.
- I'm sorry.
- It's not your fault,
it's my thyroid.
- [Chase] I know.
- It's not all that bad, though.
The pounds have
been falling off.
I look great in
skinny jeans. (laughs)
- Always seeing the bright side.
- Hold me?
- 'Cause you're cold?
- Yeah, that's the reason.
Let me go, let me go!
- What's wrong?
- I'm burning up!
- Damn your thyroid!
Damn your whole
endocrine system!
- Don't say that, Chase.
- I'm sorry.
- I should go.
- Will I ever see
you again, Anya?
- That's in God's hands,
and Doctor Shapiro's.
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
- [Austin] So you liked it?
- Come on, man, of course they
liked it, they worked on it.
They're not exactly objective.
- Okay.
Ernie here has
absolutely nothing
to do with the production.
So he can give us a completely
honest and unbiased opinion.
So, Ernie, what'd you
think of the scene?
- I like it.
- He like it.
- And?
No, it's okay, we want to
hear your honest opinion.
Just say what you feel.
- Yeah.
- Why is everything
so hard to see
behind the guy and the girl?
- I was trying to
stylistically represent
that in the pivotal moment
of their chance encounter,
the rest of the
world faded away,
and only our star-crossed
lovers mattered.
- It just looks fuzzy.
- Okay.
So how would you fix it?
- Focus?
- Focus.
So what you're saying is,
rather than obscure
the rest of the world,
make the audience
hyper-aware of this couple
and their impossible
struggle by focusing not
on their isolation from
the world in general,
but their bittersweet
interpersonal connection
and the resulting inner turmoil.
Brilliant!
- Okay, I'll
schedule a re-shoot.
I think we can squeeze
it in on Wednesday.
- Do it, good!
Ernie, thank you!
You got a keen eye.
Why don't you join
us on Wednesday?
You can let us know if
we've fixed the problem.
- I could, it's my day off.
- Great, and to make
it worth your while,
we'll make you a consultant.
- A consultant?
- We've got some wiggle
room in the budget
so we can pay you.
- You pay me to tell
you what I think?
- That's the gig, my friend.
- Welcome to Hollywood, Ernie.
- Looks just like Pasadena.
(laughing)
- Did I tell you this
guy was funny, or what?
- Funny!
- You're gonna make a
great addition to the set!
(phone dialing)
(phone ringing)
(excited inhaling)
- [Veronica Voicemail] Hi,
I'm doing something fabulous
right now and
can't be disturbed.
Leave a message
and if I like what
I hear I'll call you back.
(sighing)
(lively Latin pop music)
- Ernie, my man!
Thanks for coming.
Bettina, I need the paperwork
for our new consultant.
- [Bettina] On it.
- We got a few forms
for you to fill out.
Bettina will those to you,
but in the meantime I want
you to make yourself at home.
Here's your chair.
- My chair?
- It's got your name
on it and everything.
- It's beautiful!
- It's yours, excuse me.
- [Cassie] Hey, Ernesto!
- I have a chair.
- Yeah, it's very nice.
- They gave it to me.
- (laughs) Yes.
- It's mine!
- No, I'm great, thanks.
Thanks for asking, how are you?
- Oh, I'm sorry,
it's my first chair.
- So I gather.
- Nice to see you.
How you been?
- Just working a lot.
But it's all good.
- All good is my favorite.
(Cassie laughing)
- So you have a chair?
I guess that means I'll
be seeing you around.
- I hope.
- Me, too.
Well, I gotta go.
Faces to do, people to see.
Ta ta for now.
- Tatas for now?
- Ernie!
Great to see you again, man.
You ready to do your
consultant thang?
- Yes.
- Okay!
- Okay, Ernie, fill this
out and get it back to me.
- I'm ready to go.
- All right.
All right, everybody,
let's do this!
(upbeat pop music)
Okay, let's go, people,
let's get this thing going!
- Do this.
These are yours, here.
And action!
And noise!
- [Chase] Anya?
- Chase!
- [Chase] I can't
believe we almost
just walked right
past each other!
- I know!
- [Chase] How are you?
- Always cold,
except when I'm hot.
Yeah.
- [Chase] Will I ever
see you again, Anya?
- [Anya] That's in God's
hands, and Doctor Shapiro's.
- And cut!
Great take!
So, what did you think, Ernie?
- I like it.
- Me, too.
And this time the
background will be in focus.
- Good.
- Good.
- Any other thoughts?
- Well, maybe.
Nah, never mind.
- No, tell us, that's
why you're here, Ernie.
- [Austin] Yeah, what is it?
- At the end, they are
still on cell phones again.
- Right, I added that.
- Why?
- I wanted to depict them
immersed in technology,
acting as an
emotional anesthetic.
It's a coping mechanism.
It allows them to have a
purely superficial connection
to the world outside
of their hearts,
and protecting them from
their true feelings.
- They look like
they just don't care.
- So what should they do?
- Maybe walk away sad
without looking at phones?
- Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like they start
to look at their phones,
and then realize they
need to feel their pain,
and put them away,
thereby dealing with their
pain instead of sublimating it.
I love, I love! (smacks kiss)
Let's do what Ernie said.
Daniel, I think our friend
needs a better title.
- What did you have in mind?
- [Austin] Associate producer?
- Sounds good.
- Make it so.
Congratulations, Ernie.
- What does an
associate producer do?
- It's an important job, Ernie.
Big responsibility.
(pleasant instrumental music)
(women chattering)
- Hey, Ernie.
All right, these
are all the extras
for the beach party scene, but
we got some revision pages,
and some new speaking parts.
So we need to upgrade
three of these women.
- Who?
- It's up to you.
- Me?
- Mmhm.
- No.
- Well, I don't know
what to tell you
because Austin said
it was your job, so.
All right, I'll help you.
Take a seat.
All right, ladies,
attention, attention.
We need to upgrade three
of you to speaking parts.
Our associate
producer Ernie here
will be deciding who
gets the upgrade.
Form a line right here.
We'll meet with you one by one.
When you step up, say your name,
and read the line I tell you.
Yes?
- Can we get the line in
advance so we can practice?
And maybe a little background
about the character
and the scene so we can
be properly motivated?
- [Bettina] No, and no.
It's one line, you
can do it cold.
All right, let's get
this show on the road.
Form a line, ladies.
First up.
- Hello, Ernie.
I've been told I've
got very kissable lips.
How was that?
- Good.
- [Bettina] We'll let you know.
- Hi.
My name is Savannah.
Just Savannah, like the city.
And like the city, I'm
sweet and southern.
I've been told that I have
got very kissable lips.
- [Cassie] What was that?
- Trying to impress
him, I guess.
- (scoffs) Okay,
that's not right.
- Why do you care?
- No, I don't
care, I don't care.
Just
it's not right.
- [Bettina] Next!
- Hi, I'm Jill Martin.
Okay. (clears throat)
I've been told I've
got very kissable lips.
Wait, can I do it again?
I swear I can do
it better, okay.
- Wow.
- I've been told I've
got very kissable lips.
Very.
Very! (moans)
- Cut!
- [Bettina] All right, girl.
- I feel really good
about that one! (laughs)
- These girls are
really going for it.
- Yeah, but he doesn't
have to like it so much.
- (laughs) Are you kidding me?
He looks scared to death.
A hot woman just leaned in
for a kiss, and he yells cut.
(laughs) What kinda
guy does that?
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
- There you go, my
beautiful friend.
Drink up, life is good.
(sighing)
Must need a charge.
(phone ringing)
- Could you hand
me my phone, Mom?
- If it's Ernesto I am
not handing it to you.
- I've been ghosting him.
He's left a bunch of messages
and I haven't called him back.
- Good girl.
- Who is it?
- Doesn't say,
it's just a number.
- Give it.
Hello?
- Hi, Veronica, it's me Ernesto.
- Hi, Ernesto.
- Hang up!
- [Ernesto] You sound good.
- You sound
- Like the worthless
loser that you are.
- like you.
- [Ernesto] Thank you.
- I don't recognize
this number, is it new?
- Yes, they gave
it to me at work.
- Well, that's nice.
- I was hoping we could
catch up a little.
- Now's not a good time.
I'm on my way to a charity ball.
It's a really prestigious event.
- The kind you could never
afford to take her to.
- Tell your mom I say hi.
- Okay, gotta go.
Talk to you later.
I'm sure he heard you, Mom.
- That was the point.
- What are you doing?
- I am writing loser
on the new number
so you know who is calling.
(knocking)
- What's wrong?
- Why does everyone
always expect
the worst when
they see a lawyer?
- So you have good news?
- Well, no, but
it would still be
nice if people didn't
dread seeing you.
- I don't dread you, Douglas.
- Thank you, Ernie,
you're a nice man.
I got an update.
I finally found Jerry's nephew.
- Zach?
- Yeah, we haven't spoken,
you know, the time difference
between here and India,
but there's a real
possibility that
he's gonna want you to move out.
I just felt that I should
give you a heads-up.
- Thank you.
My head is up.
(upbeat percussion music)
- Thanks, Ernesto.
- Excuse me, may I take it now?
Thank you.
- Perfect.
- So how are things
going on the movie?
- Oh, great!
They made me associate producer.
- And you're still working here?
- Well, Jerry took care of me.
Now he is not here, I help out.
- Your loyalty is inspiring.
- No big deal,
it's just who I am.
- I'm so hungry.
- I know.
Tacos.
- Hi, Cassie, Kyle.
- Ernie!
What are you doing here?
- I help out on weekends.
- That's very industrious.
- Yes.
- Damn, do you also
pick lettuce at night?
- Kyle!
- What?
Isn't that what
industrious Mexicans do?
- I'm Cuban.
- Same thing, pal.
- No, it's not.
- What are you talking about?
They speak Spanish, eat
beans, and steal our jobs.
- You'd like to work here?
I'd be happy to put in
a good word with Javier.
- How about you just get us
some chips and salsa, amigo.
Por favor.
See, I can be polite in Spanish.
- And yet amazingly
rude in English.
I mean, wow.
- All right, let's go.
- Kyle, you forgot the tip.
(sighing)
- Okay, okay.
- That's not even 10%.
- Well, his service
wasn't that good.
Besides, moneybags
here has three jobs.
- Two.
Two, he does not pick crops.
- Oh, that's right, he just
looks like he does. (laughs)
Let's go.
(sighing)
- [Cassie Voiceover]
Great seeing you, Ernesto.
I'm so sorry Kyle was a jerk
and treated you so badly.
You deserve much better.
See you at work.
(distant dance music)
- [Ernesto] Do all movies
have this many parties?
- Only Austin's.
He says a happy crew
is a productive crew.
The truth is, the budget's
tight and the company's cheap,
so this perk is designed to keep
the natives from getting
restless, you know?
- No.
- He thinks that if
he keeps us drunk
we'll be too distracted to
realize we're getting screwed.
So, cheers!
Time for another.
Be right back.
- Hey, Ernie!
How's my favorite
production honcho?
- I don't know, but
I could find out.
- No, silly, I mean you.
- I'm a honcho?
- My favorite.
- Good, I'll try
not to let you down.
- You won't.
- You seem taller.
- These are my party heels!
- Good, 'cause I was
scared I was shrinking.
- Hey, you don't have a drink?
- I'm not much of a drinker.
- I'll let you in
on a little secret.
I can trust you, can't I?
- Of course, I'm a honcho.
- (laughs) You are.
So, you see this
drink I'm holding?
- Yes.
- It's not actually a drink.
It looks like I'm
drinking a cocktail,
but it's really a mocktail.
- So mock not cock?
- I like you, Ernie, but sexual
harassment is never okay.
- What I'm trying to say
is, even though I'm 18,
everybody still thinks I'm
a kid, and I hate that.
But my parents are alcoholics,
and I don't wanna go
down that road, too.
- Good idea.
Bad road.
- So I hold this drink
that looks like alcohol,
and everybody thinks
I'm not a child.
And I get to party
without people
making past my bedtime jokes.
- That's very adult, more
than most people I know.
- Aww, thanks, Ernie.
And you won't tell anyone?
- Honcho's honor.
- You know, Ernesto,
every time I see you,
a pretty girl's
giving you a kiss.
- It just happens,
I don't know why.
- I'm just busting your balls.
- I hope not.
- You know, Ernesto, there's
just something about you that.
- That what?
- Hey, babe, we're getting
ready to do some shots,
you want one?
- Why not?
- You can get one over there.
Hey, you're not drinking?
Oh wait, are you
here as a guest,
or are you with
catering? (laughs)
- Kyle!
I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
- [Kyle] Come on,
Kendall, just do it.
- Yeah, Ken, loosen up.
- If she doesn't
wanna do it then just.
- Sure she does.
Why wouldn't she?
Why wouldn't you?
Come on.
- I.
Drink!
- [Crowd] Drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink!
- Okay!
Come on, guys, she's just a kid.
- Okay.
(crowd cheering)
- Whoa, you just
stole her drink, man!
- Well, you know, steal jobs,
steal drinks, same thing.
(crowd murmuring)
- Okay, this one
is for you.
- Muchas gracias.
- [Kyle] Hey!
- I'm a drinking machine!
(crowd cheering)
- [Crowd] Ernie, Ernie, Ernie!
(crowd cheering)
- I mean this is a good one.
This is probably the best one.
Hey, Douglas, glad you could
join our little soiree.
You and your friend,
grab some refreshments.
- Thanks.
Austin, this is Jerry's
nephew, Zach, your landlord.
- Not for long.
- I beg your pardon?
- Well, as I told you,
the rental is ongoing
and contingent on
Zach's approval.
- Well, we love this place and
we hope to be here the rest
of production and through
post production, as well.
Maybe even longer, with
your blessing, of course.
- That's what I
indicated to Zach.
But he wanted to come and size
up the situation for himself.
So he and I will discuss it,
and then I'll get back to you
with a projected time frame.
- Not necessary.
You're Hollywood people, right?
- I direct and Daniel
here, he produces.
- Hey.
- I see.
Well, the vibe here disturbs me.
- Ah, we can turn
down the music.
- Could you turn down the
depravity and moral decay?
- I could burn some sage.
- Perfume cannot hide the
most heinous of stenches.
- It worked during the
Middle Ages. (laughs)
No one bathed.
They got pretty ripe.
- Look, your show biz lifestyle
conflicts with everything
that I've been studying,
everything that I now believe.
I'm afraid I'm gonna need you
out of here as soon as possible.
- Ah, sorry, Austin.
I guess this serves
as your 30 day notice.
We'll make it official
in writing tomorrow.
- And what about
the guest house?
- Ah, that'd be Ernie.
- I'll need to meet him.
- He's through there.
- A really good guy.
He's the salt of the Earth.
- [Austin] The best.
- [Crowd] Ernie, Ernie,
Ernie, Ernie, Ernie!
- There he is.
(crowd cheering)
(knocking)
(Ernesto groaning)
(knocking)
- Ernie?
Ernie!
Ernie!
- Hi.
- We didn't get a chance
to meet last night,
but I'm Jerry's nephew, Zach.
- Nice to meet you.
Sorry, I didn't mean to yell.
- You didn't.
- Then can you stop?
Excuse me.
- Douglas will be giving
you written notice,
but I wanted to let you know
that I'll need you
out in 30 days.
- Why, are you moving in?
- No.
- You've rented to someone else?
- [Zach] No.
- You're selling the place?
- No.
- Then why do you want me out?
- I just returned from extended
time with the Dalai Lama,
and it changed me,
for the better.
Now I know who I really am.
- And who you really
are wants me out?
- Actually, yes.
Now that I have
discovered true peace,
it's important that
I surround myself
with calm and tranquility.
You and your crowd are
the antithesis of that.
Your hard-partying ways
are just a bad fit.
- I'm not a hard partier.
- Your actions last
night say otherwise.
- I was just trying
to help somebody.
- Yes, drinking yourself into
oblivion is very philanthropic.
- But I really like
it here, it's my home.
- Yes, for the next 30 days.
- All right, guys, so that
concludes our safety meeting.
Hopefully the weather
will cooperate,
but in the meantime
let's get set up
for the first shot, all right?
All right.
- Everybody, can I have
your attention please?
Please, whatever
you're doing just stop.
- This doesn't sound good.
- Ernie, what's going on?
- I don't know.
- I come from a grand theater
tradition, I can project.
(light instrumental music)
All right, there's really
no great way to say this,
so just gonna get
straight to the point.
The studio is having
some financial problems,
so they may try to shut us down.
(crew groaning)
I'm not saying it's
definitely gonna happen,
but it's a possibility.
- A very real possibility.
- That being said, I
know you've all put
a lot of time and
energy and more
than a lot of love
into this movie,
so I'm not just willing
to let it go away.
It's gonna take a
lot of work, okay,
but if we all pull
together and work harder,
and smarter, and faster,
I think we can keep
this puppy alive.
- Nothing sadder
than a dead puppy.
- I don't feel so well.
- I don't think he
means a real doggy.
- That's not what I mean.
This film was supposed
to be my big break.
If they pull the plug,
I may as well kiss my
acting career goodbye.
- There will be other films.
- You don't know that.
- So we've come up
with a new schedule.
You're all gonna get a copy.
But the only way
it's gonna work is
if you're all committed to this.
So who's with me?
- Yeah!
(crew cheering)
- Okay, great!
Let's go ahead and get
set up for the next shot.
And thank you, everybody.
Let's do this!
That went better than I thought.
- Let's hit the.
- I have an idea.
- Okay.
- Go on.
- I know night scenes are
hard to shoot and cost a lot.
What if we just make all
the night scenes day scenes?
- You know, this could work.
- Yeah, it absolutely can.
In fact, some of these scenes
might play even better that way.
- It would definitely
speed up production.
And save us a ton of money.
- Ernie, you're
brilliant! (kiss smacks)
(chuckles) Daniel,
I think our friend
just earned himself
a better title.
That's real producer thinking.
So why don't we make him one?
- Well, we do have five of
them, four of whom do nothing.
One more can't hurt.
- A producer?
- Yes, but we can only give
you a little more money.
- I'd do it for less money.
- Oh, you don't wanna
say that out loud, Ernie.
They'll throw you out
of the Producers Guild
before you even get in.
- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm just messing with
you, man, congratulations.
We should really fill
in the department heads.
- Yeah, right.
See you around, Mister Producer.
- Check it out.
- [Kendall] Hey, Austin,
do you have a minute?
- Sure.
- I'm kinda freaking out
about what you just said.
- Ah, don't, okay, I
think it'll be okay.
I just needed to
rally the troops.
And besides Ernie
already has a great fix.
So you just go concentrate
on your performance
and let us worry
about the money.
- And by us he means me.
- (laughs) Oh, one more thing.
Who was that guy at your party,
the one who seemed
so out-of-place?
- I'm not sure who
you're talking about.
- He was with
another guy and they
took off when they saw us
start the drinking game.
- Oh, she's talking
about Douglas
and your soon to be ex-landlord.
- Ah, yeah, Zach.
Apparently he doesn't
approve of show folk,
so he's kicking me out.
- [Daniel] And Ernie, he was
especially pissed at him.
- Why?
Ernie's a sweetheart.
- He was put off by the way
Ernie was pounding 'em back.
- But that wasn't his fault.
- Doesn't matter.
In a few weeks, Ernie
and I are toast.
- Hey, Javier.
- Douglas!
- Zach just wanted to check
out the weekend lunch business.
- Thought I'd get a feel
for how the place runs.
- Well, you're welcome any time,
which of course you knew
that since you own the place.
I really am not an
imbecile, really.
- Relax.
I'm not planning on
making any changes
right away, so your job is safe.
- Thanks, boss.
It smells good.
Maybe we should grab a bite.
- Oh, I can always eat.
- Excellent.
Come right this way.
Here we are.
- [Douglas] Thank you.
- Enjoy your meal.
And if you need
anything, just ask.
Anything.
- [Douglas] Hey, Ernie!
- Douglas, Zach, welcome.
- You work here?
- Weekends.
- But I thought you
were a producer?
- Oh, he is, but he
still works shifts
here out of loyalty
to your uncle.
- It's the least I can do.
Everything is good,
but our chicken mole
is the best anywhere!
(sighing)
- Ooh, let's see.
(camera snapping)
(knocking)
- Austin, it's
Zach, your landlord.
You there?
Austin?
(sighing)
(water pouring)
(pleasant acoustic guitar music)
- You should all be very proud.
You're beautiful,
strong and healthy.
I'll miss you all when I'm
gone, but don't be sad.
We'll be okay.
- [Steve] Ernie,
can't touch that!
- I can't?
- It's a grievance.
Only electricians can
touch this, union rules.
Hey!
- You may have to grievance
me, I touched the light.
- You also saved me from
a serious face-plant.
You're cool.
- I'm cool.
- Ernie, we need to
keep things moving
so go tell makeup to
get their ass in gear.
We need Kendall on set.
And asap!
(groaning)
- Oh, hey, Ernie!
I'm so sorry that I got you
in trouble with your landlord.
You were just trying
to help me out.
- It's okay.
Where's Cassie?
- She called in sick.
So I'm a person down,
and I'm way behind.
- She's sick?
- She damn well better be,
I haven't had a
cigarette break in hours,
and I am jonesing big time.
Was there something
else you wanted?
- Yes, Kendall, on the set
with somebody named asap.
- I'm going as fast as I can.
- Good.
That must mean your
ass is already on gear.
- What?
- Kyle!
- Kinda busy, man.
- How is Cassie?
Is she feeling better?
Does she needs anything?
- Not from you.
I got her covered, so back off.
Capiche?
(solemn acoustic guitar music)
(knocking)
- Just a minute, I'm
grabbing my wallet.
All right.
Ernesto?
I thought you were
the pizza guy.
- Pizza?
Good, that must mean
you feel better.
- Oh, because I
called in sick, yeah.
- I was worried about you.
- That's so sweet.
I'm doing better, thanks.
- Eye trouble?
- What?
- You're wearing
sunglasses inside.
- It's ironic.
I'm a makeup artist and
no matter what I tried
I couldn't cover it up.
- Are you okay?
- We shouldn't do this
out here, come in.
- What happened?
- (sighs) Please don't judge me.
- I would never judge.
- Kyle just got so mad.
- He hit you?
- Yes.
- Has he done it before?
You need to leave.
- He was really sorry.
He said he wouldn't do it again.
- And you believe him?
- I have to.
- It's not right.
- Ernesto, promise
me that you will
not say anything to Kyle,
that you won't say
anything to anybody.
- But it's right!
- Promise me.
- Okay.
- You shouldn't be here.
Kyle will be home any minute.
It wouldn't be good
if you were here.
Thank you, Ernesto.
- That'll be 15.85.
- Here, keep the change.
- Thanks!
- Thank you.
(solemn acoustic guitar music)
You didn't have to do that.
- I can afford it.
I am a big-shot producer now.
- You really are a Godsend.
- If God sent me, why
do you send me away?
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Veronica] It's me, Ernesto!
- Oh, hi, Veronica.
- I just got a sec,
but I wanted you
to know I'm coming back to
Cali and I'd love to see you.
- Why?
- Because, silly,
it's been a long time.
And I have a surprise.
- What kind of surprise?
- You'll find out
when I see you.
Okay, gotta go.
Talk to you later.
- I used to love
that woman, Nenita.
I think I'm the biggest schmuck.
- Okay, background.
We'll get you guys
set in a minute
so don't wander
too far, all right?
Oh, Ernie!
Have you seen Austin?
I need to talk to
him about setting
the extras for the final shot.
- I'll find him.
- All right, thank you.
(upbeat Latin pop music)
- Excuse me, do you know where
I can find Ernie Hernandez?
- He's out looking
for our director.
He went that way.
- Steve, you seen Austin?
- A minute ago.
He went over there with Daniel.
- Thanks.
- I'm so sick of that?
- Why were you, why?
Yes, you were!
Listen to me, I saw you, okay!
Why 'cause you know I'm right?
- Is everything okay?
- Stay out of this, man.
This doesn't concern
you, all right?
- I don't think so.
- You're hurting me!
Let go!
- Let her go, now!
- Listen, son.
I don't take orders from
waiters, I give 'em to 'em.
Now, what do you
wanna do about it?
- [Chuck] Everything
all right here?
- Let go of the young lady.
- (laughs) Yeah, I
don't take orders
from extras either,
all right, man.
(men grunting)
Hey, get off!
(thudding)
You got no right
to do this, man!
- You assaulted this woman
and a police officer,
you are under arrest!
(scoffing)
- Hey, you're taking
this method acting
thing way too far, man!
I will sue you!
- I don't think so,
they are real policemen.
I had our casting
people hire them.
- For authenticity.
- And in case you tried
to hurt someone, again.
Not bad for a waiter, huh?
(light acoustic guitar music)
- Come on, let's go.
- I'm sorry, I had
to do something.
- Thank you.
- [Douglas] Nicely done, Ernie!
- [Zach] Yes, very impressive.
- [Ernesto] It was nothing.
- Maybe to you, but
to me it means a lot.
- And that means a lot to me.
- Well, sorry to
interrupt this love fest,
but we actually have
some news for you, Ernie.
Good news, delivered
by an attorney!
Guys at the firm are
never gonna believe this.
(camera snapping)
- Good news?
- Maybe I should tell him?
- Okay, but I'm
still taking credit.
- I need to apologize
to you, Ernie.
- I accept.
- But you don't know what I did.
- It's okay, you already
say you are sorry,
that's good enough for me.
- I was so wrong about you.
But now I've discovered
the guy you really are.
- I tried to tell him,
no, wouldn't listen to me.
Then he gets this long text
from some Kendall girl,
and suddenly he's a believer.
- Kendall?
- She explained your drinking,
and praised your character.
- I think it was her use emojis
that really sealed the deal.
- They were very compelling.
Look, I made a snap judgment
about you, and I was wrong.
- It's okay, it happens.
- No, I shouldn't have
judged you to begin with.
It goes against all of the
Dalai Lama's teachings.
Apparently I have
much more to learn.
- Life is full of lessons.
- Exactly!
So I'm returning to India
to resume my studies,
if His Holiness will have me.
And since I don't know when,
or if I'm ever coming back,
I'm divesting myself from
all entanglements here.
I'm turning everything
over to you.
(pleasant acoustic guitar music)
- Jerry named you as an
alternate beneficiary.
- I don't understand?
- The house and guest
house, all the furnishings,
and Los Toros, all
yours, free and clear.
- Even the orchids?
(laughing)
- You are a very
special person, Ernie.
Uncle Jerry knew it,
and now I know it, too.
I know he's smiling
down on us right now.
Good luck to you, Ernie.
- I don't know what to say.
Next to discovering Target,
this is the best thing
that ever happen to me.
No, Cassie is the best thing,
but Target is a
strong number two.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
(crowd chattering)
- I'm gonna miss
you so much, Ernie.
You're like my best
friend on this movie.
- Don't miss me,
visit me anytime.
You know where I live.
- I'm gonna be here so much,
you're gonna get
sick of me. (laughs)
Stay in touch, I mean it.
- More women kissing you?
- I'm like a magnet for lips.
- No, I would say you are.
(whistling)
- Wrap parties can
be bittersweet.
We meet, we work together, and
then we go our separate ways.
But I want each and
every one of you to know
how much I cherish you all,
and this baby that
we birthed together.
- Yes, and thanks to
the powers-that-be
putting the squeeze on us,
the delivery was
a bit premature.
(laughing)
But healthy nonetheless.
So thank you, everybody,
for all the hard work
through some very
difficult conditions.
You really came
through in a big way.
- And I want to give a
special shoutout to Ernie,
who started out as my neighbor,
then became a producer,
and is now my landlord.
(crowd laughing)
(crowd cheering)
Thank you, Ernie,
for your wisdom,
your common sense, and your
all around general goodness.
We couldn't have done
this without you.
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
All right, so everybody
enjoy yourselves, all right.
Eat, drink, dance, whatever,
have a fantastic time.
You've earned it!
- Yes!
(crowd cheering)
- Thank you for what you said.
- I meant it.
Working with you has been
one of my favorite things
to come out of this production.
- This movie changed
my life in a big way.
- Yeah, mine, too.
It's how I met my
wonderful Ernesto.
- That's me, can you believe it?
(laughing)
- So, Ernie, you
still waiting tables
over at Los Toros now
that you own the place?
- Not anymore.
- No, he agreed to sell it
to a big restaurant group
that's wanted it
for a long time.
- Wow.
Sounds like you'll be rolling
in the dough, my friend.
- Yeah.
Might have to hit you up to
finance our next feature.
(laughing)
- Actually, my
generous boyfriend
is donating most of the money
to a battered women's
shelter right by the studio.
- They need the
money more than I do.
- That's one of
the most amazing,
selfless gestures
I've ever heard of.
Keep it to yourself.
You might give Hollywood
producers a good name.
- Yeah, we can't have that.
We have a heinous
reputation to uphold.
(laughing)
- I like that take.
Looks real.
- You got a good eye, Ernie,
I marked that one, too.
Let's make that the master.
(phone ringing)
- Hi, Veronica.
You're in L.A.?
Now?
Okay, meet me here at the
corner of Fifth and Central.
I'll see you then.
That was my ex-girlfriend.
- She wants to see you?
- Yes, in a half hour.
- Good luck.
- I don't need
luck, I got Cassie.
(upbeat pop music)
- [Veronica] Ernesto!
(smacking kisses)
- Hi, Veronica.
- Yum Yum's sorry
he couldn't make it,
but he's at the spa
getting a massage.
He's been under a lot of stress.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- This is Arlo.
- Hi, Arlo.
- Hello.
- He's a very
successful businessman.
Owns his own barber shop.
- With four chairs. (laughs)
- Ernesto, you're sweet, but
Arlo here is a real catch.
- I'm happy for you.
- See, what did I tell you?
- Yeah, he's just how
you described him.
- I know, right?
- Oh, who's this?
- Oh.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's okay.
- This is my Cassie.
- How sweet.
- It's really nice to meet you.
- I'm sure.
(gasps) I have that surprise
I promised you, Ernesto!
And here it is.
I said, here it is!
- Oh, yeah!
- Ah, surprise!
Oh, the look on your face
is absolutely priceless!
(laughs) Makes this
trip worthwhile!
Relax, silly boy,
it's not yours.
- No, I'm the baby daddy, yeah.
- So are you shocked?
- Not as much as I was.
- A little.
But I'm happy for both of you.
- Congratulations.
- A diamond solitaire?
- Oh, you like?
Me, too.
Ernesto has such
great taste. (laughs)
- You're engaged?
- Surprise!
- Nice design, huh?
I wonder if they make
that in cubic zirconia?
- So, Ernesto, why
are we meeting here?
- I work here.
- Oh.
At that charming Mexican
restaurant across the street?
- No.
Here.
- Oh, in the commissary?
- Oh, I've never
been in a commissary.
Do they serve the frog's legs?
I've always wanted to try those.
- Look right up there.
- Hot To Cold.
So what?
- Pay close attention
to the producer's name.
- Ernesto Hernandez.
Wait.
My Ernesto's a producer?
- No.
My Ernesto is a producer.
- Hey, babe, how cool is that?
- So cool.
- And look at that
building right over there.
- The Ernesto Hernandez Center
for Endangered
Women and Families.
What the fuck?!
- I found a catch, too.
- I was wrong, babe.
He's not how you
described him at all.
- Don't touch me!
Call us another Uber.
We're leaving!
(upbeat pop music)
- Bye, Veronica, bye, Arlo.
- It was nice meeting you!
I'm so over the lottery.
I feel like I buy and I buy
and I buy and I never win.
- Me, too, but it's
really big tonight,
so I'd like to get one.
- Okay, knock yourself out.
- Wait, is that an expression?
(Cassie laughing)
- You are learning,
you're catching on.
That's great!
- I hope so, because I
really hate hurting myself.
(Cassie laughing)
- [Cassie] Oh, you
know what I feel like?
- I'm touching you,
and you feel good.
- Yes.
So do you.
But I was thinking it might
be nice to get some ice cream.
There is a 31 Flavors
down this street.
- Perfect!
I think I'm gonna get a
scoop in every flavor.
- Knock yourself up.
(Cassie laughing)
- That's not right?
- It's close, it's
very, very close.
- And now I introduce to
you for the first time ever,
Mr. and Mrs. Ernesto Hernandez!
(crowd cheering)
(crowd applauding)
("Wedding March" by Mendelssohn)
(lively percussion music)
- Thanks for the
congas, Ernesto!
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat Latin pop music)
(crowd applauding)
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
- Surprised?
- Completely.
But you didn't need to do this.
I'm not even sure
how you did this.
- Love, and a big truck.
I just wanted to give
you something special
for our wedding.
- And all I got you was a watch.
- And I love it!
It's now my second
favorite thing, behind you.
I guess Target's
now number three.
- I can't believe I married
such a wonderful man.
I'm so lucky.
- We both are so lucky.
(women sobbing)
Welcome home, Mrs. Hernandez.
- There is no place
I would rather be,
Mr. Hernandez!
(laughing)
("You Are The One" by
Squirrels in the Attic)
You are the one I
never knew I needed, ah
I felt all right, but
now I feel completed, ah
I was stuck in place
Without momentum
or direction
Then I saw your face
And all my senses
made connection
You are the one I
never knew I needed, ah
I felt all right but
now I feel completed, ah
I was satisfied
That what I had
was all I wanted
You made me realize
My hopes and dreams
had all been blunted
You are the one I
never knew I needed
Fill my world so sweetly
I felt all right but
now I feel completed
Share your love completely
You are the one
Fill my world so sweetly
You are the one
Share your love completely
You are the one
You are the one
You are the one
(upbeat Latin music)
(crowd clapping)
(crowd cheering)