Evil Bong 888: Infinity High (2022) Movie Script
1
All those years
have led to this.
All those torturous,
delinquent years,
when I was too high to remember
have led to this moment,
the most important,
lucrative night of my life.
Rabbit, look what you've done.
You've done good, buddy.
You finally moved up and
got a piece of the pie.
From living the high life
to living the high in life.
Rabbit's back, baby.
Mean green, wicked weed
Heaven from the devil's seed
Fiending for it every day
You know I want
that Mary Jane
Mean green, wicked weed
You've got a hold of me
Fiending for it every day
You know I want
that Mary Jane
Light the fire,
spark the tree, yeah
Make it a part of me, ooh
Think of all the
life it breathes
Just growing from
those little seeds, ooh
I need my smoke today
Work too hard, get home late
I just need a break
Oh one more toke
that I can take
Only thing I need
Only thing I need
What's that?
Mean green, wicked weed
Heaven from the devil's seed
Fiending for it everyday
You know I want
that Mary Jane
Mean green
Geez, look at the time,
I gotta get going here.
I'm gonna have customers.
I mean, fine dining patrons,
beating down the
door in minutes.
I'm sorry, ma'am,
miss, we're not open yet.
You'll have to wait out front
with the rest of the
customers in line.
There is a line up
front, isn't it?
Geez, I spend a fortune
on advertisement.
Oh, please.
Don't cry beautiful lady.
You certainly have
a full basket.
They catch the tears.
What's your name young hot lady?
Thomasina Atkins,
people call me Tom.
I'm rabbit,
I'm the owner of
this establishment.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
I spend a freaking
fortune on it.
I can tell.
Grand opening tonight.
Oh, it's your big night.
I'm so sorry to cause
you any distress.
Believe me, anybody
in this dress is
no problem at all.
What can I do for you?
I just lost my waitress
job down the street
and I'm on a really
tight budget,
and now I'm not gonna be
able to afford to pay rent,
or keep my bangy
thingies in check,
or get any frivolous
streaming services
or buy cowboy hats
from my lizard.
Oh, that's a hell of a pickle.
No, I don't want
sex from you, Mr.
Oh, why should you be
different than anyone else?
I got it.
The restaurant opens
in a couple of hours,
and I could use all
the help I can get.
Does it look like
these hands do dishes?
No.
And I do not understand
the mysteries of cooking.
Oh, we have people for that.
And I don't do that.
Be a server?
Heck no.
Well, what is it that you do?
You do that very well.
Totally.
I've got it.
I think I just found my
new double D.
Hostess.
What does, I'll take it.
Deal.
So, this is where
the magic happens.
Wouldn't that be the kitchen?
No, this is where they
make the food disappear.
A little restaurant humor.
Very little.
It's so elegant, unless
it cost you a fortune.
It did.
I inherited a small fortune
from a nephew who croaked.
He died?
Aw, he must have
loved you so much.
I never met him.
You never met him?
No, I was too busy getting
high over multiple dimensions.
It's a long story.
I'd love to share with
you over coffee one day.
That's okay.
Okay.
I'm not going back
to the old Rabbit.
I'm not going back
to the old Rabbit.
I'm not going back
to the old Rabbit.
Then don't.
So,
would you like to meet the
rest of the crew and...
Let's do it.
This way.
Girls, ladies, let
me introduce you
to our new,
a person at the front of
the house, Tom Atkins.
Girls,
are you texting each other?
You could just
talk to each other,
it's not that hard.
Okay, good.
Well, they're busy right now.
They're prepping
for the big opening.
Obviously.
Let me show you to the
heart and soul, the kitchen.
You're gonna love our new chef.
Oh, is he well known?
She, and she is known
across space and time.
Wow, girl power, all right.
Yes.
Here it is.
A word with you, Rabbit.
In a moment.
First, I want you to meet Tom.
Tom, this is Sal,
the best cook who answered
my one ads, Sal Monella.
Your name is Sal Monella?
That is correct.
You have Sal Monella
in your kitchen.
I have spread myself
over every inch of every
surface of this establishment.
You got a problem or...
I just wouldn't
tell the diners that.
Pleased to make your
acquaintance.
Maybe later.
Your name is Tom, is it?
It is.
And yet you are
a woman, allegedly.
Definitely.
I'll be watching you.
Good to know.
Sal, you wanted a word with me?
Permission to speak commandant.
Granted.
This is union,
this chef is unacceptable.
If you're talking union,
you are like banging her,
yes, it's very unacceptable.
I am not stopping,
nor will I ever stop it.
Then what's the problem.
I am quite notorious
for my food, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My food, ridiculous
on this eyes, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Like clockwork, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Just like this time piece,
which has survived many of wars
and been handed down to me
throughout the generations.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock...
What's the problem, Sal?
This is suicide.
I cannot work with that bitch.
But you've just met, Tom.
Not a confusingly named woman.
Her.
That's right, it's
me motherfuckers.
What's that sour eating bitch
complaining about now?
You lack the kitchen acumen
to which I am accustomed.
You slang slack at the
penitentiary, Pretzel Boy.
We Germans do not
look to the past,
it is full of strife
from darkness,
only to the future.
But yeah, yeah,
I trained and horned
my skills there.
Dropping the soap
is not a skill.
It's a choice.
Or I can slit your
tiny little throat.
Guys, guys, we gotta
learn to get along.
At least just for tonight,
it's important to me.
So maybe it's just
first night jitters.
Sal does not jitter.
That's not what inmate
number 5727543 said.
I cannot work under
these conditions, Rabbit.
- Bitch, bitch, bitch.
- Everybody, please.
Not today, Satan.
Not today, Satan.
You got this, Rabbit,
you got this, Rabbit.
Don't go back to your old ways.
I almost had a moment.
So, how do we course correct?
Man, we just
gotta work together,
just for tonight, I beg of you.
You beg, Sal Monella?
Yes.
You need Sal Monella, no?
No, yes.
Fuck yes.
We're good.
We're good.
Want to hug it out?
The Germans do not hug.
You sure?
Never, never ever.
Then we're good.
Yeah, we're always good.
So why don't you whip
up something as a trial
or get the kinks worked out.
Such a treat for you.
You hang on, I'll be right back.
Take it easier on
my guy, will you?
As if?
Please.
Okay, I'll lay off that
masturbate race motherfucker.
Thank you.
More time for me to plan
on taking over the world.
We're over that now.
This is a restaurant.
With a side of
cosmic domination.
We're legit now, remember?
Oh, you're no
fucking fun anymore.
Just stick to the
recipes we labored over.
I am, dickhead.
I'll be waiting outside.
Girls, you think you might
wanna try on your uniforms?
You are so screwed, aren't you?
I'm just circling the toilet
waiting for the big flush.
Or, you can pick yourself up
and go kick some ass tonight.
You're the only one
that's ever believed in me.
If you say so.
Do you really think I can do it?
Okay, dick,
let's put our differences aside
and do this for that
dumb motherfucker,
for the Rabbit.
You're down?
I'm down, for the Rabbit.
Good, let's start with
the French onion soup.
In French they call it zup.
Then we'll serve up a.
Next course will be a goddamn.
I like it.
And finish off
with a motherfucking
beef burger.
How do you like that shit?
My taste buds are good.
Then burst a move.
Yeah.
What's the fucking problem?
Yeah, they came.
What's the fucking problem?
The ingredients are.
Say what?
There are no ingredients,
except for this.
Fucking Rabbit.
We can't go on.
Baby, you tripping.
We must forfeit.
Well, we're going, all right?
You think you're some
posh motherfucking chef?
Well, then, prove it.
We are not serving
farty cowboys.
Somehow, some way, make
it happen crowd mouth.
Where did you go?
It's pretty fancy, huh?
It's nice as heck.
Now what?
Oh, I think we are supposed
to put it on the table, okay.
1, 2, 3.
1, 2, 3.
Oh, I can smell it.
It smells good, huh?
Almost.
Top off.
Vanessa.
Idiot, she means this.
What the hell is that?
It looks like
beanie weenie to me.
That's not a French
dish, I can't pronounce.
Sal, Sal...
What the hell
happened, fuck dude.
You will address me as
chef dude, I earned it.
You've earned a
boot of your nut sack,
is what you've earned.
You trusted in me.
You will, this is
no time for jokes.
I assure you this is
knock, knock, knock.
Ebee, please explain.
You didn't place
the motherfucking food
order motherfucker.
I thought you were gonna do it.
I was, but you said
you'd take care of it.
I assumed you'd know I'd
mess it up and do it anyway.
Well, I tried to give
your dumb ass the
benefit of the doubt.
So it's your fault.
Not me, scrotum face.
What are we gonna do?
We're opening soon, proto.
We don't have time to
hit the grocery store,
and there's no time to order in.
We can't close, all
the VIPs will be here.
Oh geez, Louise.
You know, maybe...
Get your...
Oh just show me a sign that
everything's gonna be alright.
Oh don't show me a sign that
everything will be okay.
You have a plan?
We must make do with the
beans on the French.
Don't worry your old ass.
Ebee's got a motherfucking plan.
I've heard that before.
Just run your show
and we'll run ours.
These will be the best beans
and tiny dick sausages
they've ever eaten.
My high standard indeed.
No, get out,
we've got work to do.
He helps this, he helps
this, he helps this.
Ebee, how are we
going to win this war?
White people don't
know how to eat anyhow,
and that's a fact jerk.
It's all about the picture,
or if it makes them happy.
Yeah, but we are still working
with beans on
or not even the German
quality, I might add.
I'm not happy.
Yeah, I got a secret ingredient.
It's a happy spice.
, sumac,.
Weed, motherfucker.
Lots and lots of exotic weed.
Cushy.
Phones down.
Phones down, please.
Come on, this is important.
Attention.
Oh I have ADDE.
Oh, I have ADHD.
I mean, stand up
straight, arms to the side.
We must all adhere to the
exacting standards of the owner,
the master of the restaurant.
Isn't that you?
Sure, it is.
Our appearance must be as
meticulous as our food,
and that's gone down the tube.
So we have to look extra good.
Nails.
On point, smiles.
Outstanding.
Boobies.
No.
Worth the shot.
Where's Tom?
Coming.
- Wow.
- Oh, where'd you get that?
Just a little something
I threw together.
Do you like it?
Rabbit wanna grab it.
How about no.
As you all know, this
is a big night for me,
for all of us.
I need this to work
for so many reasons.
Beanie weenies.
Thanks for reminding me.
The deck is clearly stacked
against me, food-wise.
So it all comes down
to excellent service.
That's where we'll win.
Vanessa, Nicky.
Huh?
I'm screwed sideways
up the bean hole.
It's time.
What's wrong.
Mother hovered in
a barb wire thong.
What am I gonna do?
Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna pull up
your adult diapers,
and then you're
just gonna go do it.
And then what?
And then do it again.
And then what?
Repeat as necessary.
A little kiss?
Oh but don't do that again.
Best pep dog never.
Rabbit's got this.
It's the moment of truth.
Little drum roll please.
And here we go.
Oh, I'm really not
good with word scrambles,
I don't get it.
Lelapin Haut.
It means a high rabbit.
Catchy.
Because we serve
high cuisine and such.
And shouldn't it be
called Rabbit's bean hole?
Nobody wants to eat that.
You said it.
Just open the
door, Major Double D.
Major D.
Wow, it's right across
the street from Gucci.
Isn't that so cute.
Hi.
- Oh, I love it.
- Hi.
Oh, get one, get one.
There you go.
Did you guys come
in here on purpose?
Yeah, of course.
Is someone chasing you?
Should I call the feds?
We heard this is
the new hot shot.
From who?
Can you get us in or not?
Lemme check.
As luck would have it,
I can squeeze you
in, but just barely.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Don't push that button.
Why?
We got some suckers.
I mean, diners.
Look alive everybody.
Back to your stations.
We're in business bitches.
Your server will be
right with you guys.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
It's so exciting.
I think I'll frame their
money from the bill,
first dollar from
the first customer.
They're dining dashers.
I know the type, I am one.
Where's Vanessa and Nikki?
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
That's okay, I'll do it.
I took the liberty of
making you some new menus.
Thank you very much.
Oh, no.
It's gonna be okay.
Some shit gonna lit up seats.
I'm so fucking high.
Good evening ladies.
Who are you?
My name is Rabbit.
This is my establishment.
Being you're our first customer,
I thought I would
wait on you myself
for excellent tip top service.
Aww, yay.
Get it?
Tip top.
How did you get this job again?
Maybe you don't get it.
That's okay.
What can I get you, ma'am?
I'll have the weenies
and beans please.
Oh, excellent choice.
And for you young lady?
I think I'll have
the number one.
Oh, equally scrumptious choice.
I can't decide between the
number one or the number two.
I assure you the
number two is just
as excellent as the number one.
Okay, I'll get
the number two then.
Okay, excellent choice.
I couldn't have
chosen better myself.
Wait, you didn't
write any of this down.
No need.
Ooh.
You're good.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
I'm gonna share
my tips with you.
Okay, I probably won't
share mine with you.
Okay.
Let me just get
this to the kitchen.
We got some, we got some.
Well, lay it on us.
What?
The orders, what
are they getting?
I forget.
They only have the one thing.
It's not what they
got, it's how many?
1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6.
6?
Well, that's a great start.
No, it's three.
I just saw you count to six.
I was counting
boobies, three girls,
six boobies as three girls
is three, three orders.
It must be that
new fucking meth.
Then order up
three of that shit.
Is it ready?
Yeah, we all go.
The hell we are.
I haven't even checked the
dishes yet motherfucker,
wink wink.
My plating standard is
above grade across the board.
I must approve all dishes, wink,
leaving this wink kitchen
motherfucker, wink, wink.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I see.
Are we ready or not?
Turn around Rabbit.
Good to go.
Bon appetit, bitches.
You're acting very
sketchy for a legit business
that isn't based on weed.
Ladies dinner is served.
Aren't you gonna taste it?
Oh, we don't actually eat food.
Well...
Yeah, no, we just
take photos of it.
What do you mean,
you have to eat.
We just live off
supplements and brain water.
I'm not sure if that's working.
Here, now, let's do the Rabbit.
Oh my God.
Wow.
Really?
Mmh.
Lemme try.
Yeah, it's so good.
So silly.
Oh my gosh, stop it.
There's no way, that's so
much better than vitamins.
I know.
Oh my gosh.
I think they like it.
Is it getting hot in here?
- Yeah.
- It is amazing.
It is amazing.
Yes, yes, my God.
Oh my God, anyone else
getting a little bit horny?
Oh yeah.
Maybe a lot of it.
Amazing.
I already put my
foot on side break.
- Oh yeah.
- This beans are amazing.
We actually have customers.
They're all here to support you.
I'm so happy, I could kiss you.
Could you go back
to being sad then?
I'd be so sad,
I'd wanna kiss you.
Be like me, feel nothing.
Well, thank you for joining us.
I tell you what,
I wouldn't miss this for
the world.
Shall do tell, we've
been camped on kitty corner
for several weeks just waiting
for this shin dig
to dig it shins,
I tell you what?
Huh.
You've been camped out on the
street for weeks, literally?
Tell you what?
The truck nuts fell off the.
And we sent her out to
fetch and found that...
Ended up being a
great spot for business.
Lots of Johns with
D buckets churching,
I tell what you what.
For I tell you what a virtual
goldmine of a fishing hole
if you tell what I'm telling.
I do not, walk this way.
- Oh.
- That I can try.
Dear all 12 of you, I am at...
And I tell you what
social media land,
we is moving on up.
That's right.
Daddy got a brand
new booty ladies.
I tell you what, that's right.
Tag me on that, tag me.
Thank you my lady.
Wait, I tell you this
place is fancy as.
I bet you, we see some stars
what from them picture
shows tell you.
I'm here to tell
you, I bet we do.
Do tell.
Told and done.
Tell it.
Done and told.
Tell.
I'll tell you how
much I appreciate
this night with you my sweet.
It weren't nothing, no.
Oh, I'm telling
you it's something.
You told me you were
standing your ground.
Didn't tell about the
plight to the common worker,
and getting told enough to tell.
You told her I did tell too.
It was a lost leader.
I tell you what,
due to inflation
we done up the prize of that
honeypot to 10 full cent.
Yeah, double the price of
admission and don't tell, yeah.
My gutter feels
like Kim Kardashian.
I tell you what, Kim
Kardashian is rough, bumpy,
and needs a shot of a week.
Oh, that's a day of
going Kim Kardashian.
You tell it.
You're Kim Kardashian.
Told.
Oh, you're so sweet to me.
I'm telling you true, sweety.
If it weren't for you,
we wouldn't be here
eating these fine vitals and
in our Sunday best, I tell.
Tell you what,
we is riding high on the
ding, dang wing, won hog.
I tell you, I concur.
I see.
Well, here's all the
papers with the food words.
Okay.
We will be having the
most expensive roadkill
this menu done told,
thanks to this working
girl who works it.
And our venture
into cryptocurrency
has been quite profitable,
I tell you what?
Oh right, you're not in
like Bitcoin or whatever?
I Gotta tell you, I'm not
sure what to tell that is,
but it was his idea
to pick the pockets of the dead
people we find in the alley.
Great, I'm literally
gonna go do anything else.
It is sustainable
as fuck, I tell you.
You done told her.
Like to at, like I see you.
There's something so mysterious
and sexy about that eye patch.
I'm keep an eye out for you.
- Oh.
- Oh my gosh.
Daddy.
Oh.
Okay.
Hey, make sure you're
stirring those beans upright.
Stop staring me up.
What?
Stop staring me up, chef.
That's more like
it, schnitzel dick.
God's speed my friends.
Cool, that's a bet
you're gonna lose.
That looks good, I tell you.
I tell what, you don't told.
I propose a toast,
if I don't tell.
I see it, I'm about to tell.
I tell you, I'm about to tell.
Tell it.
I'm gonna tell you.
Tell it.
I tell you what?
I forgot what I was gonna tell.
Beautiful words, I tell you.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Tell you what, let's chow.
Oh, sweet relief.
Better than awesome, I tell you.
Do tell,
food in this establishment
is like your.
It's got prizes in it.
Usually wedding bands.
I ain't never got a time
piece before, I tell you what.
I tell you the time
that shoe fell out.
Tell you what,
that was a work boot.
Ooh, I love how you
stuck weenie in your mouth.
Oh.
Wow, where'd they get her a.
Welcome to Lelapin.
Here you go.
It took you long enough.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you are actually.
Is this a joke?
No, I don't think so.
You know what?
Don't get smart with me you
little bitch, all right?
It's not my fault that
you make the minimum wage.
You could at least
crack a smile.
I come here a lot, all right,
and I spend a lot of money here.
Oh, we've only been
open for an hour.
Get your manager.
Are you the manager?
Oh no.
Now, stop fucking around
and go get your manager.
I'm not in trouble, am I?
I can't go back to
prison bath fights.
Geez.
What seems to be the
problem here, miss?
You're the manager?
Actually, I'm the owner.
Another smart ass, I see.
And what the hell's going on
with these whores over here?
Got their titties out.
They're French.
My kid doesn't need
to see that, okay?
Look at them.
Your kid?
Don't talk about
my family, okay?
What exactly is
it that you want?
Don't interrupt me again,
I'm the customer and I
pay your salary, okay?
Not if you don't order.
I'm trying to make
a point, all right?
Like the point on your head.
Then make it.
I'll just take the number
one, and make it quick, okay?
Because I have places to go,
people to see, and things to do.
Right away.
Why are you still
standing there?
Shell-shocked.
Chop-chop, okay?
My husband is a lawyer.
Ass hole.
He be coming baby,
just like that.
Don't fuck that bread up.
I assure you, my knife
skills are second to none.
You don't have time for
no motherfucking break.
Get back to work
to chickenstein.
Are you on break really?
Sorry, high fives
are for winners.
How does my hair look?
It's really good,
you look so cute.
Hey, we're here,
it's Barbie and Kendra.
Reservations for two, please.
Yay.
This is like so exciting.
Oh look at that table cloth.
Oh, and she's so much
better than our couch.
Does the red clash
with my pink though?
No.
Okay.
Definitely not,
you look so cute.
You too.
Your server will be with
you, maybe, eventually.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh my God, this is so exciting.
I know.
Can you believe this
is really happening?
No, we haven't been
out since the pandemic.
Unless you count
deep space and...
No, no, no, we
don't mention that.
I want that to be
like a distant memory.
Totally, totally, totally.
It's been like two years
since we got dressed up.
Yeah, but admit it,
we always look fab.
Okay, I admit it to the max.
And we didn't even put
on any pandemic weight.
I mean, look at this dress,
it fits me like it's a dream.
It's because all
we had to eat was
like gummy llamas and the water.
Oh true.
But I got my coca boobs.
Yeah, you did.
I just have my COVID socks.
Gotta keep a perky.
Good track.
So is this like the new normal?
What, looking cute in
chewing and doing?
It's always been our normal.
- Say high five.
- Say high five.
Wait,
can we do this in real life now?
I mean, I think so.
But it'd like so weird.
Yeah, I haven't touched another
person in like two years.
Why your face?
You were like totally
all over that.
Oh, that was not personal,
that was called essential work.
Okay.
Okay.
Get up, get up.
Okay, 1, 2, 3.
- High five.
- High five.
Kiss in them.
Oh my God, my
purse's on the floor.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
WTF.
It's him, it's him.
It really is him.
Oh what, he's like so
much taller than on TV.
Yeah, that's because it
was only a 32-inch TV, duh.
He's like so much
hotter than on Zoom.
Oh so much way hotter.
Thanks.
Did he hear us?
I don't know, are we live?
Our mics must be on.
Hey girls,
Barbie and Kendra, right?
What are you doing here?
I like totally dunno how to
navigate real life anymore.
No.
Do you mind if I sit down?
I can't seem to find my party.
Oh, we're your party now tiger.
Put the mute button for.
Yes, sit, sit, sit.
I cannot believe
that you're here.
I'm here.
It's so amazing.
Oh, hi, here's your food.
- Oh yeah.
- Thank you.
But we haven't ordered yet.
Yeah, but this is what
you would've ordered, right?
True.
I'm gonna get you.
So how've you been like?
Tell us everything.
Tell us everything.
Been great, just
babysitting cats.
Babysitting cats.
I still have that passion, yeah.
Wait, so did I hear that
you're like you like
drive and race cars?
I do, I have modified that.
I have to guy drive,
but I drive a race
car in a lower class,
yeah.
Oh wow.
And that's amazing.
Coolest thing ever.
- That's sexy.
- I've had
that passion before cats.
I've actually been racing
for many, many years.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
How did you get into that?
Just had to stay alive.
You gotta find things for
habits to keep you alive,
and racing was it.
I was at a point in my life
where everything was depressing,
nothing worked,
I couldn't do nothing,
and bam, I found racing
and loved it ever since.
- Wow.
- So cool.
Yeah, some people can't
believe I can drive like this.
I do.
You're like amazing.
You're so amazing.
I don't know about that, but...
It's cool.
I never give up.
So how's Joey.
He's hanging in there.
He's had some issues, he's
been in solitary a lot,
but he's never seen the whole
version of tiger come in.
- What?
- What?
Yeah, yeah, they
keep him locked up
in solitary quite a bit
'cause of popularity.
Oh my gosh,
but good thing he
looks good in orange.
Yeah.
So I have to ask this
and I'm sure everybody
asked you this,
but what was up with the
fire, and who did it?
Oh my gosh, in the first episode
there's a producer on
there and his name's Kirk,
and we have video
footage of him going
in front of the office
at the same time
that the fire was at night,
like four in the morning.
And he's walking in
front of the cameras.
What?
That seems like
proof right there.
No, he left the country.
There's a whole safe missing,
with hard drives in it,
and he left the country.
He fled.
To a country where he can't
be extradited back so...
Wait, there's a safe missing
with stuff inside of it?
There's a whole safe
missing with footage.
And he did a documentary,
and some of that footage I
believe is on that documentary.
Scandalous.
So how about like,
do you wanna tell
me a story about
how Joey like banged
all those boys?
Oh yeah, we called them puppies.
Puppies?
- Puppies, like dogs.
- Yeah, like dogs.
Wooden dogs?
Wooden dogs, it was usually
18-year olds to 19-year olds.
Oh my gosh.
And we call them puppies
'cause we bring one
in the front door
and then one would be
going out the back door.
So you gotta kind of sneak
them in and out so...
Oh my God.
- What?
- So the other one
don't know about
the other one, yeah.
Wait, he's going
out of his door?
No, the house door.
Okay.
Maybe his door.
Oh snap.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
TMI for me.
Yeah.
That sounds like your
room in high school.
TMI.
What the fuck are
you looking for?
You're missing bones?
My lucky watch, it's gone.
You don't need
that motherfucker.
My hand is for
reserved, I cannot go on.
Would you just
chill the fuck out
and relax for a
motherfucking minute?
It is impossible.
The magic was in you all along,
not some motherfucking clock.
You think so?
Oh I know so, just
relax and breathe.
Oh maybe the fuck nah.
Here you go.
You're shitting me, right?
What now?
This doesn't look
like the picture.
We don't have pictures.
Then you changed it, okay?
I've seen better
food at the zoo.
From the hippo den, I presume.
What?
Get your manager.
I am the manager.
I know the owner.
Boom, I'm the owner.
I could have got this
cheaper down the street,
you kidding me?
Then why don't you do that?
Look, lady, there it
is, if you like it,
and there it is, if you don't.
Well, I'll never, okay?
That's obvious.
Pay up, leave a nice tip
for the lady you
insulted or wear it.
I'm not paying for this.
Well, you've made your choice.
I am never coming here again.
That's the most reasonable
thing you've said all night.
Rabbit.
I've dealt with pissed
off bombs and sexy hell,
have been covered
in alien splooge,
but nothing could
prepare me for a Karen.
Yeah, Rabbit, push
that motherfucker.
Push it, push it real good,
then I'll be running
this restaurant
right into the
motherfucking ground.
You're right.
I can't do it.
There's too much
right to go on this.
Thank you, Ebee.
Fuck, did I just say
that shit out loud?
I thought I was just
thinking that motherfucker.
I know you have
definitely projected that.
Well, goddamn, we'll project
your on those beans weenie.
- Cheers.
- Yeah,
and we definitely
have to do it again.
- I know, it's so fun.
- Cheers.
Oh my gosh, I got my
fringe in your beans.
The fringy beans?
Is that the bill?
Yes it is, and it's no hurry.
And I really appreciate
you supporting me today,
I really do.
Let me get that.
- Oh.
- Oh no.
It's on us.
Yeah, we totally got it.
Would this be
cash, ass or grass?
But no grass, I'm
legitimate now.
Just lemme dig in my
purse and find my wallet,
right, Kendra, my wallet.
Oh yeah.
Okay, grab my hands.
What the hell was that?
Some kind of flashback?
Hey.
Hi, you have to excuse me.
It's not every day a fellow sees
such a beautiful, sensuous
woman like yourself.
Where's my manners?
I'm rabbit.
I know, we've met.
I'm still Rhonda Vu.
Oh Rhonda Vu,
how's it hanging?
Low, and to the left.
You and I never finished
what we started in Vegas.
We didn't?
Why is that?
Because you ran off
screaming like a little bitch.
I did?
But we had a heck of
a conversation, right?
Oh.
Does this still bother you?
Who cares, it's just skin.
Enjoy.
Oh thanks.
Oh dude, it looks
so yummilicious.
Oh completely suckerlicious.
Let's dig in.
I did that.
Oh I can almost taste it.
Yeah, almost.
It's like as close as
we're gonna get, bro.
Hummer, dude.
We're in gnarly.
Well, how about like a toast?
Oh.
- Hi.
- You can call.
I don't know about you,
but I'd let him possess
this pussy any day.
This totally sucks.
Being a ghost is just
like all one big suck.
Bro, it was a total
ghostly toast as bros, bro.
You took the words
right outta my mouth.
At least it still smells good.
You can smell it?
A ghost can dream.
Yeah.
A ghost can dream.
Somebody left their food.
What the heck was that?
Sexy hell, they must
have ordered to go.
Sal.
Ebee, we've been through a
lot of rough years together,
but you really pulled
through for me tonight.
I wanna thank you.
Well, about fucking time.
Going legit was the
best decision I ever made.
Well, I can't believe I'm
saying this, but congrats.
You deserve everything
you get, dick face.
I do deserve everything
I get, don't I?
Everything, motherfucker.
I've been so busy, I'm a bit.
I haven't even
tasted the food, Sal?
Oh.
Weed, glory is weed.
That's right.
You thought you could make
it without me and my weed.
You thought wrong, motherfucker.
You're nothing without Ebee.
How could you?
This is my one chance.
And you won
motherfucker, be grateful.
I'm just beside myself.
Oh, yes.
I gotta say, you
really pulled it off.
I did?
There he is.
There's the jerk.
Keep it still in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh, she's
gonna see this?
What seems to be
the problem officers?
This lady with nothing
else going on in her life
has filed a report against
this establishment.
I want him fired.
You can't fire me, I
own this establishment.
Sir, now that I
look around myself,
there is some merit
to what she's told us.
Are you running some kind
of house of ill repute?
Oh no, they're just high.
Say it again, sir.
No.
Oh, here, try some
of our fine cuisine,
I think you'll love it.
That's my high
grade local, try it.
Jam, that's good shit.
But still you're going
to have to come with us.
Give me a second.
I think God smokes weed
And he was high
when he made me
I can feel it in my DNA
Oh yes, suck it up real good.
That's what I'm
talking about, yeah.
I think God smokes weed
And he was high
when he made me
Weed, weed, glory is weed.
He gave up halfway
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can
and will be used against
you in a court of law.
Look at him.
Sir, do you understand?
Do you need an interpreter?
Oh shit, I done seen
that fucking look before.
Is he okay?
Is he gonna spontaneously
combustor something?
Oh Lord, he's gone.
That's some serious
nothing head shit.
Something's fucky,
he's still here.
Well, I'll be
dipped in dog shit.
What's up Lindsay Brohan,
mind if I partook?
That is some sweet broccoli.
, is it really you?
You're goddamn right,
it is Bernie Sanders.
Miss me?
Oh yes.
Hell no.
Well, it's nice to
see you too, Ebee.
Ew, likewise bitch boy.
Barnell how did you
get from here to here?
No clue man, but I
am stoked to be here.
That'll be a motherfucker,
reverse nothing head.
Shit, I didn't even
think that was possible.
Trust me, your
head is not the place
anyone wants to call home.
You are crazier
than Amanda Binds.
So talk to me, goose,
everything good?
Oh, not so much.
Come here you big pervert,
give me some bromance.
We're tired of this love affair,
we're gonna go
ahead and cuff you.
Hey, hey, slow
your fucking roll,
and hold down to your tits.
Time to turn up the heat,
color us motherfucking God.
Oh, the heck?
He was gonna trap us
in his head forever.
I don't want no part of
that syphilis shot hole.
No fucking way.
We in my world now, forever.
Is there a salon here?
I don't know why I even try.
You can't teach an
old rabbit new tricks.
This is where I've
always belong.
Amen to that weedle juice.
You better be happy because
this is it, ain't no more.
This is really it?
This is the big fucking finale.
I'm so fucking
done, we're all done.
Hold on, one last
thing before we go,
what if I told you you never
existed in the first place?
You're just a figment of
my imagination this time.
We're all just one bad
motherfucking tree.
I'm cool with that.
Weed is life.
Yes indeed.
Weed is life
Weed is life
Weed is life
Whoa, what the
fuck happened here?
I don't know.
It looks like we missed
all the fun though.
Oh shit.
All dressed up no place to go.
Oh fuck my ass.
All those years
have led to this.
All those torturous,
delinquent years,
when I was too high to remember
have led to this moment,
the most important,
lucrative night of my life.
Rabbit, look what you've done.
You've done good, buddy.
You finally moved up and
got a piece of the pie.
From living the high life
to living the high in life.
Rabbit's back, baby.
Mean green, wicked weed
Heaven from the devil's seed
Fiending for it every day
You know I want
that Mary Jane
Mean green, wicked weed
You've got a hold of me
Fiending for it every day
You know I want
that Mary Jane
Light the fire,
spark the tree, yeah
Make it a part of me, ooh
Think of all the
life it breathes
Just growing from
those little seeds, ooh
I need my smoke today
Work too hard, get home late
I just need a break
Oh one more toke
that I can take
Only thing I need
Only thing I need
What's that?
Mean green, wicked weed
Heaven from the devil's seed
Fiending for it everyday
You know I want
that Mary Jane
Mean green
Geez, look at the time,
I gotta get going here.
I'm gonna have customers.
I mean, fine dining patrons,
beating down the
door in minutes.
I'm sorry, ma'am,
miss, we're not open yet.
You'll have to wait out front
with the rest of the
customers in line.
There is a line up
front, isn't it?
Geez, I spend a fortune
on advertisement.
Oh, please.
Don't cry beautiful lady.
You certainly have
a full basket.
They catch the tears.
What's your name young hot lady?
Thomasina Atkins,
people call me Tom.
I'm rabbit,
I'm the owner of
this establishment.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
I spend a freaking
fortune on it.
I can tell.
Grand opening tonight.
Oh, it's your big night.
I'm so sorry to cause
you any distress.
Believe me, anybody
in this dress is
no problem at all.
What can I do for you?
I just lost my waitress
job down the street
and I'm on a really
tight budget,
and now I'm not gonna be
able to afford to pay rent,
or keep my bangy
thingies in check,
or get any frivolous
streaming services
or buy cowboy hats
from my lizard.
Oh, that's a hell of a pickle.
No, I don't want
sex from you, Mr.
Oh, why should you be
different than anyone else?
I got it.
The restaurant opens
in a couple of hours,
and I could use all
the help I can get.
Does it look like
these hands do dishes?
No.
And I do not understand
the mysteries of cooking.
Oh, we have people for that.
And I don't do that.
Be a server?
Heck no.
Well, what is it that you do?
You do that very well.
Totally.
I've got it.
I think I just found my
new double D.
Hostess.
What does, I'll take it.
Deal.
So, this is where
the magic happens.
Wouldn't that be the kitchen?
No, this is where they
make the food disappear.
A little restaurant humor.
Very little.
It's so elegant, unless
it cost you a fortune.
It did.
I inherited a small fortune
from a nephew who croaked.
He died?
Aw, he must have
loved you so much.
I never met him.
You never met him?
No, I was too busy getting
high over multiple dimensions.
It's a long story.
I'd love to share with
you over coffee one day.
That's okay.
Okay.
I'm not going back
to the old Rabbit.
I'm not going back
to the old Rabbit.
I'm not going back
to the old Rabbit.
Then don't.
So,
would you like to meet the
rest of the crew and...
Let's do it.
This way.
Girls, ladies, let
me introduce you
to our new,
a person at the front of
the house, Tom Atkins.
Girls,
are you texting each other?
You could just
talk to each other,
it's not that hard.
Okay, good.
Well, they're busy right now.
They're prepping
for the big opening.
Obviously.
Let me show you to the
heart and soul, the kitchen.
You're gonna love our new chef.
Oh, is he well known?
She, and she is known
across space and time.
Wow, girl power, all right.
Yes.
Here it is.
A word with you, Rabbit.
In a moment.
First, I want you to meet Tom.
Tom, this is Sal,
the best cook who answered
my one ads, Sal Monella.
Your name is Sal Monella?
That is correct.
You have Sal Monella
in your kitchen.
I have spread myself
over every inch of every
surface of this establishment.
You got a problem or...
I just wouldn't
tell the diners that.
Pleased to make your
acquaintance.
Maybe later.
Your name is Tom, is it?
It is.
And yet you are
a woman, allegedly.
Definitely.
I'll be watching you.
Good to know.
Sal, you wanted a word with me?
Permission to speak commandant.
Granted.
This is union,
this chef is unacceptable.
If you're talking union,
you are like banging her,
yes, it's very unacceptable.
I am not stopping,
nor will I ever stop it.
Then what's the problem.
I am quite notorious
for my food, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My food, ridiculous
on this eyes, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Like clockwork, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, yes.
Just like this time piece,
which has survived many of wars
and been handed down to me
throughout the generations.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock...
What's the problem, Sal?
This is suicide.
I cannot work with that bitch.
But you've just met, Tom.
Not a confusingly named woman.
Her.
That's right, it's
me motherfuckers.
What's that sour eating bitch
complaining about now?
You lack the kitchen acumen
to which I am accustomed.
You slang slack at the
penitentiary, Pretzel Boy.
We Germans do not
look to the past,
it is full of strife
from darkness,
only to the future.
But yeah, yeah,
I trained and horned
my skills there.
Dropping the soap
is not a skill.
It's a choice.
Or I can slit your
tiny little throat.
Guys, guys, we gotta
learn to get along.
At least just for tonight,
it's important to me.
So maybe it's just
first night jitters.
Sal does not jitter.
That's not what inmate
number 5727543 said.
I cannot work under
these conditions, Rabbit.
- Bitch, bitch, bitch.
- Everybody, please.
Not today, Satan.
Not today, Satan.
You got this, Rabbit,
you got this, Rabbit.
Don't go back to your old ways.
I almost had a moment.
So, how do we course correct?
Man, we just
gotta work together,
just for tonight, I beg of you.
You beg, Sal Monella?
Yes.
You need Sal Monella, no?
No, yes.
Fuck yes.
We're good.
We're good.
Want to hug it out?
The Germans do not hug.
You sure?
Never, never ever.
Then we're good.
Yeah, we're always good.
So why don't you whip
up something as a trial
or get the kinks worked out.
Such a treat for you.
You hang on, I'll be right back.
Take it easier on
my guy, will you?
As if?
Please.
Okay, I'll lay off that
masturbate race motherfucker.
Thank you.
More time for me to plan
on taking over the world.
We're over that now.
This is a restaurant.
With a side of
cosmic domination.
We're legit now, remember?
Oh, you're no
fucking fun anymore.
Just stick to the
recipes we labored over.
I am, dickhead.
I'll be waiting outside.
Girls, you think you might
wanna try on your uniforms?
You are so screwed, aren't you?
I'm just circling the toilet
waiting for the big flush.
Or, you can pick yourself up
and go kick some ass tonight.
You're the only one
that's ever believed in me.
If you say so.
Do you really think I can do it?
Okay, dick,
let's put our differences aside
and do this for that
dumb motherfucker,
for the Rabbit.
You're down?
I'm down, for the Rabbit.
Good, let's start with
the French onion soup.
In French they call it zup.
Then we'll serve up a.
Next course will be a goddamn.
I like it.
And finish off
with a motherfucking
beef burger.
How do you like that shit?
My taste buds are good.
Then burst a move.
Yeah.
What's the fucking problem?
Yeah, they came.
What's the fucking problem?
The ingredients are.
Say what?
There are no ingredients,
except for this.
Fucking Rabbit.
We can't go on.
Baby, you tripping.
We must forfeit.
Well, we're going, all right?
You think you're some
posh motherfucking chef?
Well, then, prove it.
We are not serving
farty cowboys.
Somehow, some way, make
it happen crowd mouth.
Where did you go?
It's pretty fancy, huh?
It's nice as heck.
Now what?
Oh, I think we are supposed
to put it on the table, okay.
1, 2, 3.
1, 2, 3.
Oh, I can smell it.
It smells good, huh?
Almost.
Top off.
Vanessa.
Idiot, she means this.
What the hell is that?
It looks like
beanie weenie to me.
That's not a French
dish, I can't pronounce.
Sal, Sal...
What the hell
happened, fuck dude.
You will address me as
chef dude, I earned it.
You've earned a
boot of your nut sack,
is what you've earned.
You trusted in me.
You will, this is
no time for jokes.
I assure you this is
knock, knock, knock.
Ebee, please explain.
You didn't place
the motherfucking food
order motherfucker.
I thought you were gonna do it.
I was, but you said
you'd take care of it.
I assumed you'd know I'd
mess it up and do it anyway.
Well, I tried to give
your dumb ass the
benefit of the doubt.
So it's your fault.
Not me, scrotum face.
What are we gonna do?
We're opening soon, proto.
We don't have time to
hit the grocery store,
and there's no time to order in.
We can't close, all
the VIPs will be here.
Oh geez, Louise.
You know, maybe...
Get your...
Oh just show me a sign that
everything's gonna be alright.
Oh don't show me a sign that
everything will be okay.
You have a plan?
We must make do with the
beans on the French.
Don't worry your old ass.
Ebee's got a motherfucking plan.
I've heard that before.
Just run your show
and we'll run ours.
These will be the best beans
and tiny dick sausages
they've ever eaten.
My high standard indeed.
No, get out,
we've got work to do.
He helps this, he helps
this, he helps this.
Ebee, how are we
going to win this war?
White people don't
know how to eat anyhow,
and that's a fact jerk.
It's all about the picture,
or if it makes them happy.
Yeah, but we are still working
with beans on
or not even the German
quality, I might add.
I'm not happy.
Yeah, I got a secret ingredient.
It's a happy spice.
, sumac,.
Weed, motherfucker.
Lots and lots of exotic weed.
Cushy.
Phones down.
Phones down, please.
Come on, this is important.
Attention.
Oh I have ADDE.
Oh, I have ADHD.
I mean, stand up
straight, arms to the side.
We must all adhere to the
exacting standards of the owner,
the master of the restaurant.
Isn't that you?
Sure, it is.
Our appearance must be as
meticulous as our food,
and that's gone down the tube.
So we have to look extra good.
Nails.
On point, smiles.
Outstanding.
Boobies.
No.
Worth the shot.
Where's Tom?
Coming.
- Wow.
- Oh, where'd you get that?
Just a little something
I threw together.
Do you like it?
Rabbit wanna grab it.
How about no.
As you all know, this
is a big night for me,
for all of us.
I need this to work
for so many reasons.
Beanie weenies.
Thanks for reminding me.
The deck is clearly stacked
against me, food-wise.
So it all comes down
to excellent service.
That's where we'll win.
Vanessa, Nicky.
Huh?
I'm screwed sideways
up the bean hole.
It's time.
What's wrong.
Mother hovered in
a barb wire thong.
What am I gonna do?
Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna pull up
your adult diapers,
and then you're
just gonna go do it.
And then what?
And then do it again.
And then what?
Repeat as necessary.
A little kiss?
Oh but don't do that again.
Best pep dog never.
Rabbit's got this.
It's the moment of truth.
Little drum roll please.
And here we go.
Oh, I'm really not
good with word scrambles,
I don't get it.
Lelapin Haut.
It means a high rabbit.
Catchy.
Because we serve
high cuisine and such.
And shouldn't it be
called Rabbit's bean hole?
Nobody wants to eat that.
You said it.
Just open the
door, Major Double D.
Major D.
Wow, it's right across
the street from Gucci.
Isn't that so cute.
Hi.
- Oh, I love it.
- Hi.
Oh, get one, get one.
There you go.
Did you guys come
in here on purpose?
Yeah, of course.
Is someone chasing you?
Should I call the feds?
We heard this is
the new hot shot.
From who?
Can you get us in or not?
Lemme check.
As luck would have it,
I can squeeze you
in, but just barely.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Don't push that button.
Why?
We got some suckers.
I mean, diners.
Look alive everybody.
Back to your stations.
We're in business bitches.
Your server will be
right with you guys.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
It's so exciting.
I think I'll frame their
money from the bill,
first dollar from
the first customer.
They're dining dashers.
I know the type, I am one.
Where's Vanessa and Nikki?
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
That's okay, I'll do it.
I took the liberty of
making you some new menus.
Thank you very much.
Oh, no.
It's gonna be okay.
Some shit gonna lit up seats.
I'm so fucking high.
Good evening ladies.
Who are you?
My name is Rabbit.
This is my establishment.
Being you're our first customer,
I thought I would
wait on you myself
for excellent tip top service.
Aww, yay.
Get it?
Tip top.
How did you get this job again?
Maybe you don't get it.
That's okay.
What can I get you, ma'am?
I'll have the weenies
and beans please.
Oh, excellent choice.
And for you young lady?
I think I'll have
the number one.
Oh, equally scrumptious choice.
I can't decide between the
number one or the number two.
I assure you the
number two is just
as excellent as the number one.
Okay, I'll get
the number two then.
Okay, excellent choice.
I couldn't have
chosen better myself.
Wait, you didn't
write any of this down.
No need.
Ooh.
You're good.
You're pretty.
You're pretty.
I'm gonna share
my tips with you.
Okay, I probably won't
share mine with you.
Okay.
Let me just get
this to the kitchen.
We got some, we got some.
Well, lay it on us.
What?
The orders, what
are they getting?
I forget.
They only have the one thing.
It's not what they
got, it's how many?
1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6.
6?
Well, that's a great start.
No, it's three.
I just saw you count to six.
I was counting
boobies, three girls,
six boobies as three girls
is three, three orders.
It must be that
new fucking meth.
Then order up
three of that shit.
Is it ready?
Yeah, we all go.
The hell we are.
I haven't even checked the
dishes yet motherfucker,
wink wink.
My plating standard is
above grade across the board.
I must approve all dishes, wink,
leaving this wink kitchen
motherfucker, wink, wink.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I see.
Are we ready or not?
Turn around Rabbit.
Good to go.
Bon appetit, bitches.
You're acting very
sketchy for a legit business
that isn't based on weed.
Ladies dinner is served.
Aren't you gonna taste it?
Oh, we don't actually eat food.
Well...
Yeah, no, we just
take photos of it.
What do you mean,
you have to eat.
We just live off
supplements and brain water.
I'm not sure if that's working.
Here, now, let's do the Rabbit.
Oh my God.
Wow.
Really?
Mmh.
Lemme try.
Yeah, it's so good.
So silly.
Oh my gosh, stop it.
There's no way, that's so
much better than vitamins.
I know.
Oh my gosh.
I think they like it.
Is it getting hot in here?
- Yeah.
- It is amazing.
It is amazing.
Yes, yes, my God.
Oh my God, anyone else
getting a little bit horny?
Oh yeah.
Maybe a lot of it.
Amazing.
I already put my
foot on side break.
- Oh yeah.
- This beans are amazing.
We actually have customers.
They're all here to support you.
I'm so happy, I could kiss you.
Could you go back
to being sad then?
I'd be so sad,
I'd wanna kiss you.
Be like me, feel nothing.
Well, thank you for joining us.
I tell you what,
I wouldn't miss this for
the world.
Shall do tell, we've
been camped on kitty corner
for several weeks just waiting
for this shin dig
to dig it shins,
I tell you what?
Huh.
You've been camped out on the
street for weeks, literally?
Tell you what?
The truck nuts fell off the.
And we sent her out to
fetch and found that...
Ended up being a
great spot for business.
Lots of Johns with
D buckets churching,
I tell what you what.
For I tell you what a virtual
goldmine of a fishing hole
if you tell what I'm telling.
I do not, walk this way.
- Oh.
- That I can try.
Dear all 12 of you, I am at...
And I tell you what
social media land,
we is moving on up.
That's right.
Daddy got a brand
new booty ladies.
I tell you what, that's right.
Tag me on that, tag me.
Thank you my lady.
Wait, I tell you this
place is fancy as.
I bet you, we see some stars
what from them picture
shows tell you.
I'm here to tell
you, I bet we do.
Do tell.
Told and done.
Tell it.
Done and told.
Tell.
I'll tell you how
much I appreciate
this night with you my sweet.
It weren't nothing, no.
Oh, I'm telling
you it's something.
You told me you were
standing your ground.
Didn't tell about the
plight to the common worker,
and getting told enough to tell.
You told her I did tell too.
It was a lost leader.
I tell you what,
due to inflation
we done up the prize of that
honeypot to 10 full cent.
Yeah, double the price of
admission and don't tell, yeah.
My gutter feels
like Kim Kardashian.
I tell you what, Kim
Kardashian is rough, bumpy,
and needs a shot of a week.
Oh, that's a day of
going Kim Kardashian.
You tell it.
You're Kim Kardashian.
Told.
Oh, you're so sweet to me.
I'm telling you true, sweety.
If it weren't for you,
we wouldn't be here
eating these fine vitals and
in our Sunday best, I tell.
Tell you what,
we is riding high on the
ding, dang wing, won hog.
I tell you, I concur.
I see.
Well, here's all the
papers with the food words.
Okay.
We will be having the
most expensive roadkill
this menu done told,
thanks to this working
girl who works it.
And our venture
into cryptocurrency
has been quite profitable,
I tell you what?
Oh right, you're not in
like Bitcoin or whatever?
I Gotta tell you, I'm not
sure what to tell that is,
but it was his idea
to pick the pockets of the dead
people we find in the alley.
Great, I'm literally
gonna go do anything else.
It is sustainable
as fuck, I tell you.
You done told her.
Like to at, like I see you.
There's something so mysterious
and sexy about that eye patch.
I'm keep an eye out for you.
- Oh.
- Oh my gosh.
Daddy.
Oh.
Okay.
Hey, make sure you're
stirring those beans upright.
Stop staring me up.
What?
Stop staring me up, chef.
That's more like
it, schnitzel dick.
God's speed my friends.
Cool, that's a bet
you're gonna lose.
That looks good, I tell you.
I tell what, you don't told.
I propose a toast,
if I don't tell.
I see it, I'm about to tell.
I tell you, I'm about to tell.
Tell it.
I'm gonna tell you.
Tell it.
I tell you what?
I forgot what I was gonna tell.
Beautiful words, I tell you.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Tell you what, let's chow.
Oh, sweet relief.
Better than awesome, I tell you.
Do tell,
food in this establishment
is like your.
It's got prizes in it.
Usually wedding bands.
I ain't never got a time
piece before, I tell you what.
I tell you the time
that shoe fell out.
Tell you what,
that was a work boot.
Ooh, I love how you
stuck weenie in your mouth.
Oh.
Wow, where'd they get her a.
Welcome to Lelapin.
Here you go.
It took you long enough.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you are actually.
Is this a joke?
No, I don't think so.
You know what?
Don't get smart with me you
little bitch, all right?
It's not my fault that
you make the minimum wage.
You could at least
crack a smile.
I come here a lot, all right,
and I spend a lot of money here.
Oh, we've only been
open for an hour.
Get your manager.
Are you the manager?
Oh no.
Now, stop fucking around
and go get your manager.
I'm not in trouble, am I?
I can't go back to
prison bath fights.
Geez.
What seems to be the
problem here, miss?
You're the manager?
Actually, I'm the owner.
Another smart ass, I see.
And what the hell's going on
with these whores over here?
Got their titties out.
They're French.
My kid doesn't need
to see that, okay?
Look at them.
Your kid?
Don't talk about
my family, okay?
What exactly is
it that you want?
Don't interrupt me again,
I'm the customer and I
pay your salary, okay?
Not if you don't order.
I'm trying to make
a point, all right?
Like the point on your head.
Then make it.
I'll just take the number
one, and make it quick, okay?
Because I have places to go,
people to see, and things to do.
Right away.
Why are you still
standing there?
Shell-shocked.
Chop-chop, okay?
My husband is a lawyer.
Ass hole.
He be coming baby,
just like that.
Don't fuck that bread up.
I assure you, my knife
skills are second to none.
You don't have time for
no motherfucking break.
Get back to work
to chickenstein.
Are you on break really?
Sorry, high fives
are for winners.
How does my hair look?
It's really good,
you look so cute.
Hey, we're here,
it's Barbie and Kendra.
Reservations for two, please.
Yay.
This is like so exciting.
Oh look at that table cloth.
Oh, and she's so much
better than our couch.
Does the red clash
with my pink though?
No.
Okay.
Definitely not,
you look so cute.
You too.
Your server will be with
you, maybe, eventually.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh my God, this is so exciting.
I know.
Can you believe this
is really happening?
No, we haven't been
out since the pandemic.
Unless you count
deep space and...
No, no, no, we
don't mention that.
I want that to be
like a distant memory.
Totally, totally, totally.
It's been like two years
since we got dressed up.
Yeah, but admit it,
we always look fab.
Okay, I admit it to the max.
And we didn't even put
on any pandemic weight.
I mean, look at this dress,
it fits me like it's a dream.
It's because all
we had to eat was
like gummy llamas and the water.
Oh true.
But I got my coca boobs.
Yeah, you did.
I just have my COVID socks.
Gotta keep a perky.
Good track.
So is this like the new normal?
What, looking cute in
chewing and doing?
It's always been our normal.
- Say high five.
- Say high five.
Wait,
can we do this in real life now?
I mean, I think so.
But it'd like so weird.
Yeah, I haven't touched another
person in like two years.
Why your face?
You were like totally
all over that.
Oh, that was not personal,
that was called essential work.
Okay.
Okay.
Get up, get up.
Okay, 1, 2, 3.
- High five.
- High five.
Kiss in them.
Oh my God, my
purse's on the floor.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
WTF.
It's him, it's him.
It really is him.
Oh what, he's like so
much taller than on TV.
Yeah, that's because it
was only a 32-inch TV, duh.
He's like so much
hotter than on Zoom.
Oh so much way hotter.
Thanks.
Did he hear us?
I don't know, are we live?
Our mics must be on.
Hey girls,
Barbie and Kendra, right?
What are you doing here?
I like totally dunno how to
navigate real life anymore.
No.
Do you mind if I sit down?
I can't seem to find my party.
Oh, we're your party now tiger.
Put the mute button for.
Yes, sit, sit, sit.
I cannot believe
that you're here.
I'm here.
It's so amazing.
Oh, hi, here's your food.
- Oh yeah.
- Thank you.
But we haven't ordered yet.
Yeah, but this is what
you would've ordered, right?
True.
I'm gonna get you.
So how've you been like?
Tell us everything.
Tell us everything.
Been great, just
babysitting cats.
Babysitting cats.
I still have that passion, yeah.
Wait, so did I hear that
you're like you like
drive and race cars?
I do, I have modified that.
I have to guy drive,
but I drive a race
car in a lower class,
yeah.
Oh wow.
And that's amazing.
Coolest thing ever.
- That's sexy.
- I've had
that passion before cats.
I've actually been racing
for many, many years.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
How did you get into that?
Just had to stay alive.
You gotta find things for
habits to keep you alive,
and racing was it.
I was at a point in my life
where everything was depressing,
nothing worked,
I couldn't do nothing,
and bam, I found racing
and loved it ever since.
- Wow.
- So cool.
Yeah, some people can't
believe I can drive like this.
I do.
You're like amazing.
You're so amazing.
I don't know about that, but...
It's cool.
I never give up.
So how's Joey.
He's hanging in there.
He's had some issues, he's
been in solitary a lot,
but he's never seen the whole
version of tiger come in.
- What?
- What?
Yeah, yeah, they
keep him locked up
in solitary quite a bit
'cause of popularity.
Oh my gosh,
but good thing he
looks good in orange.
Yeah.
So I have to ask this
and I'm sure everybody
asked you this,
but what was up with the
fire, and who did it?
Oh my gosh, in the first episode
there's a producer on
there and his name's Kirk,
and we have video
footage of him going
in front of the office
at the same time
that the fire was at night,
like four in the morning.
And he's walking in
front of the cameras.
What?
That seems like
proof right there.
No, he left the country.
There's a whole safe missing,
with hard drives in it,
and he left the country.
He fled.
To a country where he can't
be extradited back so...
Wait, there's a safe missing
with stuff inside of it?
There's a whole safe
missing with footage.
And he did a documentary,
and some of that footage I
believe is on that documentary.
Scandalous.
So how about like,
do you wanna tell
me a story about
how Joey like banged
all those boys?
Oh yeah, we called them puppies.
Puppies?
- Puppies, like dogs.
- Yeah, like dogs.
Wooden dogs?
Wooden dogs, it was usually
18-year olds to 19-year olds.
Oh my gosh.
And we call them puppies
'cause we bring one
in the front door
and then one would be
going out the back door.
So you gotta kind of sneak
them in and out so...
Oh my God.
- What?
- So the other one
don't know about
the other one, yeah.
Wait, he's going
out of his door?
No, the house door.
Okay.
Maybe his door.
Oh snap.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
TMI for me.
Yeah.
That sounds like your
room in high school.
TMI.
What the fuck are
you looking for?
You're missing bones?
My lucky watch, it's gone.
You don't need
that motherfucker.
My hand is for
reserved, I cannot go on.
Would you just
chill the fuck out
and relax for a
motherfucking minute?
It is impossible.
The magic was in you all along,
not some motherfucking clock.
You think so?
Oh I know so, just
relax and breathe.
Oh maybe the fuck nah.
Here you go.
You're shitting me, right?
What now?
This doesn't look
like the picture.
We don't have pictures.
Then you changed it, okay?
I've seen better
food at the zoo.
From the hippo den, I presume.
What?
Get your manager.
I am the manager.
I know the owner.
Boom, I'm the owner.
I could have got this
cheaper down the street,
you kidding me?
Then why don't you do that?
Look, lady, there it
is, if you like it,
and there it is, if you don't.
Well, I'll never, okay?
That's obvious.
Pay up, leave a nice tip
for the lady you
insulted or wear it.
I'm not paying for this.
Well, you've made your choice.
I am never coming here again.
That's the most reasonable
thing you've said all night.
Rabbit.
I've dealt with pissed
off bombs and sexy hell,
have been covered
in alien splooge,
but nothing could
prepare me for a Karen.
Yeah, Rabbit, push
that motherfucker.
Push it, push it real good,
then I'll be running
this restaurant
right into the
motherfucking ground.
You're right.
I can't do it.
There's too much
right to go on this.
Thank you, Ebee.
Fuck, did I just say
that shit out loud?
I thought I was just
thinking that motherfucker.
I know you have
definitely projected that.
Well, goddamn, we'll project
your on those beans weenie.
- Cheers.
- Yeah,
and we definitely
have to do it again.
- I know, it's so fun.
- Cheers.
Oh my gosh, I got my
fringe in your beans.
The fringy beans?
Is that the bill?
Yes it is, and it's no hurry.
And I really appreciate
you supporting me today,
I really do.
Let me get that.
- Oh.
- Oh no.
It's on us.
Yeah, we totally got it.
Would this be
cash, ass or grass?
But no grass, I'm
legitimate now.
Just lemme dig in my
purse and find my wallet,
right, Kendra, my wallet.
Oh yeah.
Okay, grab my hands.
What the hell was that?
Some kind of flashback?
Hey.
Hi, you have to excuse me.
It's not every day a fellow sees
such a beautiful, sensuous
woman like yourself.
Where's my manners?
I'm rabbit.
I know, we've met.
I'm still Rhonda Vu.
Oh Rhonda Vu,
how's it hanging?
Low, and to the left.
You and I never finished
what we started in Vegas.
We didn't?
Why is that?
Because you ran off
screaming like a little bitch.
I did?
But we had a heck of
a conversation, right?
Oh.
Does this still bother you?
Who cares, it's just skin.
Enjoy.
Oh thanks.
Oh dude, it looks
so yummilicious.
Oh completely suckerlicious.
Let's dig in.
I did that.
Oh I can almost taste it.
Yeah, almost.
It's like as close as
we're gonna get, bro.
Hummer, dude.
We're in gnarly.
Well, how about like a toast?
Oh.
- Hi.
- You can call.
I don't know about you,
but I'd let him possess
this pussy any day.
This totally sucks.
Being a ghost is just
like all one big suck.
Bro, it was a total
ghostly toast as bros, bro.
You took the words
right outta my mouth.
At least it still smells good.
You can smell it?
A ghost can dream.
Yeah.
A ghost can dream.
Somebody left their food.
What the heck was that?
Sexy hell, they must
have ordered to go.
Sal.
Ebee, we've been through a
lot of rough years together,
but you really pulled
through for me tonight.
I wanna thank you.
Well, about fucking time.
Going legit was the
best decision I ever made.
Well, I can't believe I'm
saying this, but congrats.
You deserve everything
you get, dick face.
I do deserve everything
I get, don't I?
Everything, motherfucker.
I've been so busy, I'm a bit.
I haven't even
tasted the food, Sal?
Oh.
Weed, glory is weed.
That's right.
You thought you could make
it without me and my weed.
You thought wrong, motherfucker.
You're nothing without Ebee.
How could you?
This is my one chance.
And you won
motherfucker, be grateful.
I'm just beside myself.
Oh, yes.
I gotta say, you
really pulled it off.
I did?
There he is.
There's the jerk.
Keep it still in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh, she's
gonna see this?
What seems to be
the problem officers?
This lady with nothing
else going on in her life
has filed a report against
this establishment.
I want him fired.
You can't fire me, I
own this establishment.
Sir, now that I
look around myself,
there is some merit
to what she's told us.
Are you running some kind
of house of ill repute?
Oh no, they're just high.
Say it again, sir.
No.
Oh, here, try some
of our fine cuisine,
I think you'll love it.
That's my high
grade local, try it.
Jam, that's good shit.
But still you're going
to have to come with us.
Give me a second.
I think God smokes weed
And he was high
when he made me
I can feel it in my DNA
Oh yes, suck it up real good.
That's what I'm
talking about, yeah.
I think God smokes weed
And he was high
when he made me
Weed, weed, glory is weed.
He gave up halfway
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can
and will be used against
you in a court of law.
Look at him.
Sir, do you understand?
Do you need an interpreter?
Oh shit, I done seen
that fucking look before.
Is he okay?
Is he gonna spontaneously
combustor something?
Oh Lord, he's gone.
That's some serious
nothing head shit.
Something's fucky,
he's still here.
Well, I'll be
dipped in dog shit.
What's up Lindsay Brohan,
mind if I partook?
That is some sweet broccoli.
, is it really you?
You're goddamn right,
it is Bernie Sanders.
Miss me?
Oh yes.
Hell no.
Well, it's nice to
see you too, Ebee.
Ew, likewise bitch boy.
Barnell how did you
get from here to here?
No clue man, but I
am stoked to be here.
That'll be a motherfucker,
reverse nothing head.
Shit, I didn't even
think that was possible.
Trust me, your
head is not the place
anyone wants to call home.
You are crazier
than Amanda Binds.
So talk to me, goose,
everything good?
Oh, not so much.
Come here you big pervert,
give me some bromance.
We're tired of this love affair,
we're gonna go
ahead and cuff you.
Hey, hey, slow
your fucking roll,
and hold down to your tits.
Time to turn up the heat,
color us motherfucking God.
Oh, the heck?
He was gonna trap us
in his head forever.
I don't want no part of
that syphilis shot hole.
No fucking way.
We in my world now, forever.
Is there a salon here?
I don't know why I even try.
You can't teach an
old rabbit new tricks.
This is where I've
always belong.
Amen to that weedle juice.
You better be happy because
this is it, ain't no more.
This is really it?
This is the big fucking finale.
I'm so fucking
done, we're all done.
Hold on, one last
thing before we go,
what if I told you you never
existed in the first place?
You're just a figment of
my imagination this time.
We're all just one bad
motherfucking tree.
I'm cool with that.
Weed is life.
Yes indeed.
Weed is life
Weed is life
Weed is life
Whoa, what the
fuck happened here?
I don't know.
It looks like we missed
all the fun though.
Oh shit.
All dressed up no place to go.
Oh fuck my ass.