Ex-Girlfriends (2012) Movie Script
I like you. I do.
I just need a break.
A break...Up?
No, no, no, no.
Not a break-up.
Just...a break.
What's the difference?
I mean, besides two letters...
- Graham.
- And a hyphen?
Okay.
It's not that I don't want to be
If you had known this was gonna happen,
you wouldn't have brought her here.
You would've gone somewhere
where no one knows you,
Not the place downstairs
from your apartment.
I feel like we're really on different pages,
maturity-wise.
Maybe I never really took the time I
needed to get over my ex-boyfriend.
Turkey on wheat.
Thanks.
Can I get you anything else?
No. Thanks.
Does that make sense?
So, are we...
It's not you.
It's me.
So it's you.
But I don't know.
Maybe it's kind of you, too.
So it's me?
I mean, we just kind of
jumped into something,
and I didn't take the time
to be on my own.
And this photography class I'm taking
is just taking up all my time and...
Everything was going so well.
You had introduced her to your parents.
She bought you that old typewriter
for your birthday.
And now you're here,
the crushing reminder that no matter
how close you think you are to someone,
you never know when
it's all going to just fall apart.
And you don't answer,
or if you do answer,
it's just like you're not there.
Graham?
- Paul.
- Paul.
Freshman year.
Batel, first floor.
Hi.
It's so funny I'm just
running into you now.
I'm here all the time.
That's funny.
Know who's having a party tonight?
No.
Sam.
Sam?
Sam.
Sam. Right.
Yeah.
Sophomore year, we all lived
third floor Stewart.
Sam.
You got to come.
You both should come.
I'm gonna text the address later on,
and I will see you there.
All right.
- Ciao.
- Later.
- Nice to meet you.
- See you.
Sorry. What were you saying?
Well, I was saying that sometimes it
doesn't feel like you're present, like...
like I don't even know if you're...
if you're listening to me
or what I'm thinking.
I mean, I can't tell what you're thinking.
You're just all over the place.
And as you sit there, it all
starts to feel very familiar.
And all the words start to sound like
all the other times
you've been broken up with,
or broken up with someone.
And you start to realize
that your life might completely
be going in circles.
I just don't think you know what you want.
But I'd like to stay in touch.
Maybe we can grab a coffee sometime.
Items to be returned/thrown away.
One copy, "unbearable lightness of being"
with notes in the margins,
lent/given as gift on second date.
One postcard from trip to Spain,
with affectionate writings on the back.
One purple shirt, given as gift,
rarely worn except in her presence.
One typewriter, Underwood 1939,
given as birthday gift.
Well, no need to get carried away.
Three Bobby pins, date
of origin unknown.
One letter written to Samantha
after first date
while she was in Phoenix for some reason,
unsent.
Letters from camp girlfriend,
circa sixth grade.
One photo key chain
made with college girlfriend
senior year at last chance dance.
Photos of various ex-girlfriends.
Old notebooks,
Ideas for novels that were never written.
Lists of things to do that were never done.
Notes taken during class.
Notes written to distract you from class.
Long entries about girls you
haven't thought about in years
who used to seem like the most
important person in the world.
People you've lost track of
but you still think about sometimes.
From now on, just move forward, move ahead,
focus on the present,
don't look back,
Don't get caught up
thinking about the past.
or whatever you do, don't.
Hey, Paul.
Right. Sam's party.
Okay.
See you there.
Hi.
Hey. I know you, man.
Uh, Grant.
Graham.
Graham! That's it.
I met you at, um...
Where (did) we meet?
When you see her at the party,
you're not sure it's her at first.
If it is her,
then she's changed her hair,
that's for sure.
It has been three years, so
that does seem fairly likely.
We were at that party together,
- at the Tribec...
- Excuse me.
I think that's my ex-girlfriend.
I hate that. I mean I just...
I can't stand running into exes
Oh, well, we'll catch up later, man.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um, was that girl's name Laura?
Yeah, it is.
You wait in the hall, anxious,
looking awkward talking to no one.
but you don't wanna get caught in
a conversation and miss your chance.
Finally, she emerges.
It's her, Laura.
She looks just like she did.
Now is the moment,
the moment when your eyes will lock
and everything will come together.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He just told me that.
I Like blog.
I'm, like, a blogger.
I write stuff about, like,
you know, my day and what
I'm eating... that kinda thing.
Oh, that's really neat.
Hi!
Oh, hey!
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Good.
Um... what are you doing here?
I... I know Sam.
Oh, I...
I didn't know you knew Sam.
Yeah. No. Uh, through Paul.
- Right.
- Right.
Right. Of course. Yeah.
Um...
I thought you moved.
I did. Um...
I did, and I was away for a while,
but now I'm back, so...
You ease into a routine
of irrelevant questions
and overly enthusiastic replies.
You try and make it seem
that everything's all right
and that life has been going well,
despite that e-mail you sent
late one night after a few too many drinks.
You try and make it seem like there's nothing
awkward about this chance meeting
but when you look at her smile,
you're reminded of how things used to be,
and you wonder why it ended
the way it did
and how your life has come to this point.
Hey, you'll never guess who's here.
Oh, um...
I should probably go,
but, um...
It's really good to see you.
It's good to see you, too.
So, was it her, dude?
Yeah, it was her.
Oh, man! That...
How'd it go? Did you guys talk?
And that's when Ben enters the picture,
the guy you've met a dozen times
who never remembers your name.
Hey. How's it going, Ben?
Hey.
Graham.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know, dude.
How are you?
Good. How are you?
Good. You know, the same, but...
Good. Good.
Uh, this is, uh... Ben.
Ben, this is, uh...
som...
...somebody.
Cool.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
You have a drink,
and then another,
thinking that maybe she'll notice
your world-weary malaise
and find it charming,
like she used to.
You keep a close watch on where she is
in the room the rest of the night,
trying not to be too close,
but trying to also be available
in anticipation of the follow-up conversation
where you both might open up more
and have a more in-depth talk
where she tells you that she's been thinking about how she regrets the way things ended
that maybe you two should
get a coffee and catch up.
No,
a drink.
Yes, a drink.
If she says coffee, that means she doesn't really want to meet
and she's just being polite.
The night goes on and on, and
you keep looking over at her
and explaining to your
friends
how strange it is
that you used to go out with that girl
and haven't seen her in years.
They don't remember her.
Tou only dated for a few months,
and you're not the type of guy to introduce
a girl to all your friends right away.
You expect them to react a little more
to the strangeness of the situation,
but no one really seems to
think it's that significant,
and it's disappointing.
The last time you heard her name
was when another ex-girlfriend,
now a friend, Kate,
mentioned that she was dating someone who had apparently gone out with Laura.
You had given Kate a copy
of one of your short stories,
and he saw your name
on the title page.
You know this guy?
Yeah. He's my friend.
He wrote a story.
This guy, he dated my friend Laura.
He totally broke her heart.
Oh, cool.
He kept going on and on about how
you broke this girl Laura's heart.
And I was like, "Yeah, fine,
all right, already.
Can we get back to boning?"
Wait. He said that Laura was heartbroken?
I know. Who would be heartbroken over you?
Always dangerous to become
friends with ex-girlfriends.
They know too much, and they're
not afraid to be brutally honest.
Or maybe that's just
the way it is with Kate.
Are you guarding the drinks?
Hey.
Just trynna make some tips.
Are you... avoiding someone?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's this guy I used to go out with,
and...
it's really awkward.
There's another person that
you went out with at this party?
Yeah.
Um... and I didn't end things well,
and it's just really uncomfortable.
It's kind of embarrassing.
- Wow!
- I just don't know if he saw me and...
or what, but...
Is he looking over here?
I don't know.
Who are you talking about?
He's, um... behind me.
He's got the blazer and the hair.
Ben?
You went out with Ben?
I mean, it was for, like, two seconds.
And...
I just...
I didn't return his phone call,
and I felt like a jerk,
and I just...
Is he looking over here?
Did he see me?
You know, I mean, he's pretty
much staring at you, so...
Oh, good. Great.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- You went out with Ben?
- How do you know him?
Through Sam.
God, it's such a small world.
All right. Now, here's a plan, okay?
You walk out the door.
I'll meet you in the hallway.
We'll go get a drink somewhere else.
I would love to, but, um...
one of my girlfriends is over there,
and she kind of got cornered by this guy
that she used to hook up with,
and...
Ouch. Yeah.
- He looks like a winner.
- Yeah.
Um...
And I... I should say hi to...
- Yeah.
- ...Ben.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
But we should catch up sometime.
Yeah.
Um... maybe get a coffee?
Yeah, coffee.
Coffee's great.
I love coffee.
Me too.
Have it all the time.
Yeah, you still have it at that place
that you used to write at?
Yes.
Nothing has changed at all.
Awesome.
Maybe I'll see you there.
I'll be there.
Okeydokey.
Well...
- Good luck with that.
- Thank you.
You say as you watch her walk away,
knowing that you won't hear from her again.
You don't even have her phone number, anyway.
You'll see each other again
at the same party next year
and have the same conversation,
wondering how time passes so quickly.
It's weird. I didn't even know
that you guys knew Laura.
Yeah, crazy, right?
Yeah.
Oh, thanks.
Well, it was great seeing you tonight.
Yeah.
- It's good to see you guys.
- Thanks for coming.
And...
be safe.
Thanks.
And give me a call
next week, yeah?
Sounds good.
Okay.
- All right. Take care, bud.
- Bye.
Hey.
Hey, Ben.
Well...
Hey, dude...
did you go out with that girl Laura?
Yep.
That's so weird.
I mean, I thought you did from Sam,
but when I asked her about it,
she said you guys just had,
like, a one-night stand.
Wait.
She said what?
She said you guys just had a one-night stand.
That's weird, right?
I mean, why would she lie about that?
I don't know.
That's weird.
How long did you guys go out for?
Five or six months.
Yeah, that's longer.
Did she say anything about me
or...
No.
Okay. Cool.
How long did you guys go out for?
I don't know, man.
I don't know when you're going out with someone,
or like just going on a few dates,
or seeing someone or dating
someone or together.
What does that mean?
You know, I have no idea.
Cool.
Okay.
All right. Well, I'm gonna...
Are you?
- You're going that...?
- Yeah.
Oh. I'm gonna go that way, actually.
All right.
Cool.
All right, man.
- Good to see you.
- Yep.
You walk away...
in the opposite direction from Ben,
even though the subway is
in the direction he's walking.
You walk all the way home,
even though it's 30 blocks.
This is the more dramatic thing to do.
You wish that she could see you
walk all those blocks
with your hands in your pockets,
thinking about things.
But you know that she's asleep
and thinking about something totally different.
You think about e-mailing her
when you get home,
but you're not quite sure what to say.
After all, you've said it all before.
Comments?
I just thought it was problematic
in plot and character.
Just the way that everyone
coincidentally knew each other
and it was all interconnected
seemed unrealistic.
What does he want?
What does he want?
I think he wants the girl.
Is that enough?
I mean, what does getting her
do for him?
It will do a lot.
So, wait.
Why is it in second person?
I think that just
kind of felt like the way I should write it.
You should think about writing more...
...in the first person.
Yeah. Editing is important for every writer,
especially you.
Yeah.
What I am hearing...
when I hear these words
is a sense of alienation
between these people who...
know each other but who
don't really know each other.
In a sense,
the character doesn't know himself.
He has an...
outside voice speak for him,
giving him instructions,
because in a way, he doesn't really feel
in control of himself.
He's essentially...
failed,
as a... human being.
I mean, he's unable to...
connect,
and open up to the people around him.
He's unable to really reconcile
with his own nostalgic,
idealized notion of the past
with his lonely present.
Well, I... I wouldn't say lonely.
He is very lonely.
And ultimately, unable to
be honest with himself
and have a genuine moment.
See, I don't...
I don't really know if, uh,
that's what I was going for.
His walking home is an act performed for...
not himself, but...
someone who's not even watching.
I don't think that you've really reached
the core of who this character is.
I think you need to dig deeper.
And I think you should work on it
and bring it back in next time.
Thanks.
And why Laura?
Because she's beautiful?
Because she's smart?
Because you like her personality?
Aren't there other beautiful,
smart girls with nice personalities?
What makes her different?
Because she's your ex-girlfriend?
Because you wanna
make it right this time?
Also because she's beautiful,
and funny,
and sweet.
and life would be better
if you were together.
and she's read "War and Peace."
and those eyes.
No, there's no way to go back.
You can only go forward.
You can't regain the past.
The best thing would be to forget about her
and go forward. Yes.
Don't think about her ever again.
or Facebook her.
Maybe you should defriend her.
No, that's too much.
Maybe just hide her posts.
Of course you're here.
Hi!
Hey!
What are you working on?
Just... writing.
About?
People and places, doing things.
Wow. That sounds interesting.
Yeah, it's fascinating.
Oh, am I interrupting? Are you
deep in writerly contemplation, or...
No, no, no. Um...
Do you wanna sit down?
Do you wanna have a coffee or something?
Yeah.
Yeah. Do you want...
- Sure. No, I'm good.
- You're good.
Yeah, totally.
Um... Okay.
Um... I'm gonna get something.
Okay.
I'll be here.
Okay.
So, I got your e-mail.
Oh.
Okay. Come on. Ben said what?
Well, he said that...
he knows that you and I went out,
and when he asked you long we went out,
you said that we only had a
one-night-stand kind of thing.
What?
Yeah. I don't know.
I mean, that's what he said.
No, I never said that.
Yeah. No, I mean,
I'm sure it's a weird... something.
I may have said something vaguely like that.
But I...
I never said "one-night-stand."
Yeah. No.
I...
Cool.
Okay. Come on. You know
when you start dating somebody
and you sort of tend to, I don't know, downplay certain things?
Yeah. No, I mean, it's natural to lie a little bit.
Lie? It's not lying.
It's downplaying.
Right. Downplaying.
Okay, fine. It's lying.
But, it's...
a noble lie.
you know, just avoiding saying something that someone doesn't necessarily need to know.
Right.
The noble lie. Sure.
Mm-hmm.
Well,
one-night stand or heartbreak, I guess
the truth is somewhere in between.
Heartbreak?
I don't know that I would call it a heartbreak.
I don't know.
That's not what I heard.
Oh, really?
Do tell.
Okay. So my friend Kate is
going out with some guy
that you went out with.
Okay.
And he told her that when you
and I broke up,
you told him that you were heartbroken.
Okay. Who is this guy?
I don't know. I don't remember his name.
Okay. What does he look like?
I never met him.
I don't know.
Carl, maybe?
Mm... no. I don't think so.
Harry Jacobs?
I don't know his name is
what I'm telling you.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Anyway, um...
Yeah, I guess I was
kind of sad about it,
but that's...
that's natural, don't you think?
Well, but I mean, you're the
one that broke up with me.
Well, I...
there were some things going on in my...
anyway, you weren't putting that
much of an effort in,
so I didn't think you were
really all that interested.
What? Of course
I was interested. I...
I put in effort.
I did stuff.
Are you kidding?
I would call you,
and you would text me back.
Okay, but a text is a totally
valid form of communication.
No, texting is not communicating.
I just... I don't know. I never felt like
I knew what you were thinking and...
you just didn't really open up to me.
See, this is the whole problem.
Girls always wanna know
what guys are thinking,
and the truth is that we're not
thinking anything profound.
We're thinking about what's on TV that night
what we're gonna have for lunch.
You give us way too much credit.
Well, you need to communicate.
I'm working on it.
Paul nateland.
No.
Dan Preston?
No.
I don't even know if they're going out.
She's in New Haven
for the semester, so...
I'm sorry. I'll stop asking. It's annoying.
- It's okay.
- Oh.
Hey, I got your e-mail.
Which?
The apology.
Oh. Last year.
Yeah. It was sweet.
Right.
What made you send it?
Ah, I don't know.
I guess I was just feeling
like I wanted to apologize.
Oh.
Somebody had just broken up
with you, hadn't they?
No.
Yes.
Yes,
but how do you know that?
Because that's the only time that people e-mail their exes that and when they're really drunk.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Well, if you liked it so much,
Why'd you never write back?
Well, I don't know. I...
I've been in this on-again, off-again
thing with this guy, and...
Oh.
- Sounds complicated.
- It's complicated.
Yeah.
So, are you on again or off again?
On again.
Oh.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
So, you wrote me that e-mail
'cause a girl broke up with you?
Partly.
Kate?
No, no.
We went out a while ago,
but we're just friends now.
You don't strike me as the type
to be friends with your exes.
Really?
Well, I mean, I guess after the statute
of limitations has expired, sure.
Oh. What, are you just not attracted
to her anymore?
No. I mean it's not that.
I mean, I'm not attracted to Kate anymore.
It's...
We're friends.
That... no.
I don't know. I feel like there's always kind of a bond there with somebody you've gone out with.
Yeah?
Now you're back together with your ex.
Yeah. Um...
It's kind of complicated.
We were together for
a really long time,
and then I found out that
he'd been cheating on me,
and so I broke things off.
But...
I kept just, you know,
thinking about him and...
I don't know, wondering
if he could change.
And, you know, he kept persisting
and wanting to be back together,
but...
I didn't feel like I could trust him
and... or anybody, really,
Not even, you know, um...
But uh...
But yeah, I told him six months,
if he can go six months and
not be with any other girl,
then we can be back together.
And he did it.
He...
He did it. So...
Wow.
That's great.
So you were back together with him
when I saw you at that party.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's funny. I was actually
gonna meet Tom there,
but then...
Tom!
That's the name of the guy.
What?
Yeah. That's him.
That's the guy going out with
my friend Kate.
Not, um...
not Tom Whitman.
Yeah. No.
Maybe. I don't know.
Maybe it's a different Tom.
Um...
Well, how...
how long did you say they were going out?
Two... I...
I don't know.
Maybe it's not Tom.
Maybe it's somebody else.
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
When did they go out?
I don't know.
Are they still together?
I don't know.
Laura, wait.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Are you mad?
Hey, come on. Come on.
Hey, come on.
Talk to me.
I'm sorry. I really don't know anything.
I'm not even sure if this is true.
Could you call her?
Who?
Your friend.
Yeah. Sure.
Kate, hey. It's Graham.
Give me a call when you get this.
Do you think you could text her, too?
Sure.
I can't believe he was lying.
I really believed him.
Well...
maybe it's a complicated situation.
Maybe it's a noble lie.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's still a lie, though.
Um...
Why do I always do this?
Why do I end up with guys
that lie to me?
Do you think that she'll call back soon?
She must be in class or something.
Right.
So, should I just have a mental breakdown?
No.
Don't do that.
Has she called you?
Oh, my God.
No, not yet.
Is life always gonna be like this?
No.
Is every relationship like this?
No.
We weren't like this.
That's true.
We didn't have any major
catastrophes.
Well, we got bored of each other.
That's why we broke up.
Bad timing, I guess.
You think?
Yeah.
Sorry.
I, um...
You probably have plans and...
No, no.
Well, I mean, I'm meeting some friends,
but not until later.
Well, I'm a little bit of a disaster right now.
So...
I think I should go and deal with this,
and then you can meet your friends,
- No. Wait.
- and...
Are you gonna call him right now?
No.
Okay.
Okay, then stay with me
and we'll wait until Kate calls back.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay!
I think I should probably call him.
No.
Don't call him right now.
He'll just try and confuse you.
You need all the facts
before he...
spins his all story into something crazy.
He's a manipulator.
How are you gonna call someone
on this?
Look at this phone.
Who are you calling,
Zack Morris?
Oh, you're right.
Um...
I'll just wait...
to hear from Kate.
But it's not like it's a misunderstanding
or a coincidence.
He's obviously lying to me,
and...
I can't trust him,
and I have to end it.
I mean...
It just makes me really angry,
because...
I'm sorry.
You don't really need to be
dealing with this.
No.
No, seriously. I'm...
I'm here for you.
Do you want another?
Okay.
You can't get caught up in the
middle of this.
It's not your place.
It's something they need to
sort out.
The messenger always gets killed
in this kind of situation.
You need to be...
be the neutral territory that she comes to
when this is all sorted out.
You need to be Switzerland.
Yes, you're Switzerland.
You don't need to keep hanging out with me.
I know you have plans with your friends
and everything.
No, no.
I mean, I...
I wanna...
be here with you.
Has Kate called you yet?
No.
No, she hasn't called yet.
You know, it's kind of perfect that
you're the person here with me right now,
'cause I think you're the only guy
who's never lied to me.
Sure. Of course.
This means that things are over with
you and Tom, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I can't...
I can't be with him after this.
You know what?
You should come with me.
You should come with me to meet my friends.
No, I'd don't think I'd be that fun
right now.
You need to forget about this
for a little bit.
We'll wait for Kate to call back,
but in the meantime,
just get your mind off this for
a little bit.
I think we need another drink, though.
Well, what I'm saying is...
where is the line between fiction
and nonfiction?
Uh, one is based in reality.
One is not.
What is reality?
Are we really talking about
this again?
Yes, we're talking about it.
He said it was an autobiography.
then he went on television,
said, "everything in here is true."
And then he had to go back and
apologize for lying,
which makes it not an autobiography.
You realize that if you add up all the lies,
most autobiographies add up to being fiction anyway?
Then why not call it "fiction"?
There's plenty of writers who
write about themselves,
but they don't claim it to be true.
They fictionalize it.
Okay, but it's much more effective...
But it's not true!
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Ok, what if the lie you're telling is, like,
actually helping people?
What the hell are you talking about?
The noble lie.
The noble lie. Yes!
- See, he knows what I'm talking about.
- Be right back.
But you're not a noble man.
Look what you did.
You scared away the girl.
You happy?
She's beautiful.
She is hot, yes.
Are you texting him?
No, he...
he's gonna be suspicious.
I haven't written him back all day, so...
Just don't talk to him right now.
It's a terrible time.
Just...
just talk to him later.
Okay?
Yeah.
- You're right.
- I'll hold on to this
- so you don't call him, okay?
- Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
We'll just wait.
We'll wait for Kate to call back, okay?
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you.
Of course.
Do you uh...
do you want a drink?
All right. I'll be right back.
Okay.
It's...
it's taken me this long to...
to get it all down on paper,
but it was in my head in fifth grade.
Hey.
What's going on?
Why are you asking me about Tom?
Yeah. No. I think...
Tom is going out with this...
this other girl, Laura.
What?
Are you still going out with this guy?
What the hell?
I mean, I don't know.
That's what it sounds like.
But, I mean, I don't know. No.
I think everything is totally fine,
because they're definitely
not together anymore.
I don't know.
I got to go.
I finished my first novel.
It... came out last year.
Do you read the New York Times?
It was reviewed in the New York Times.
You didn't read that review?
It was there.
Herbert?
Herbert? No.
You didn't...
Really?
Did you bring me here on
purpose?
What do you mean?
Wait, you forgot?
Right over there.
Here?
No, I think it was here.
I have it.
Okay.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Um...
I should probably go home and
deal with this.
But, um...
maybe another time?
Yeah.
You did the right thing.
She'll break up with him,
and then you'll get a drink,
or a coffee.
Nothing wrong with coffee.
Just let things sort themselves out.
Don't write her an e-mail.
Maybe just a short one.
"Good to see you tonight."
No.
Terrible idea. Definitely not.
Turn off the phone.
That's the only way.
Hello?
It's me. Open up.
Why do you 've so many stairs?
Hey.
What's up?
What's going on?
What are you doing here?
You didn't answer your phone.
Yeah. I don't...
I don't know.
Really? I'm sleeping.
Yeah?
Not gonna answer your phone
in the middle of a crisis?
You didn't answer your phone yesterday
when I called you.
Interesting. I'm a grad student.
I have classes.
I don't have to answer my phone.
So you came down from New Haven just to talk about this Tom thing?
That's the interesting thing,
because I was gonna come down anyway,
because today's Tom's birthday.
But I had a big exam,
so I wasn't gonna be able to make it.
Tom said he would come up to New Haven
to celebrate with me on Sunday.
But I was able to reschedule my exam,
so I was gonna come down and
surprise him.
but it's a good thing that I didn't,
because he would've been boning
that girl Laura.
Really?
He was trying to keep me up there so he could celebrate with her today,
celebrate with me tomorrow.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm crashing here, by the way.
You were just gonna come down here and
not tell me about that?
What do you mean?
I mean, you just kind of show up and,
you know,
make plans with me if other stuff
falls through.
I mean, maybe you could just call and
make a plan for once
instead of showing up and saying,
"Hey, let's go get a bagel."
Oh, I'm so sorry.
But I'm the one that's getting cheated on here.
When do I get some sympathy?
I didn't even know you were still going out
with this guy.
I'm trying to!
Well, great!
I don't even know why you're
shouting at me!
Why don't you buy me a bagel and
say you're sorry?
Then you can follow that up with an apology for not wearing any pants around me.
So, I asked him about it last night,
and he said that this is some girl
from his past that's still hung up on him.
She wants to get back together,
and he's trynna get out of it.
This guy's such a liar.
Yeah, I know.
So, that's it.
They're over, right?
No.
'cause this morning, he called me
and said things are more complicated
than he thought with Laura
and he needs to sort stuff out,
so he broke up with me.
Wait.
He broke up with you to be with her?
Yeah.
But she's not gonna get back
together with him.
Yeah.
Why would she do that?
I don't know.
Didn't you tell her everything
from last night?
Not everything.
I just assumed...
- that was enough!
- Why didn't you tell her?
Because it was a noble lie,
she didn't need to know all of it.
I just thought that she was done
with him already,
and I wanted her to...
let her...
You were putting the moves on her.
No. Of course not.
I was trynna be supportive.
I didn't wanna be the bearer
of bad news.
In retrospect, it was a bad idea.
So, he told you that he was back
together with her?
Yes.
Makes me so mad he's just gonna
get away with it.
We need to tell her what's really going on and save her from getting hurt by him again.
What about me?
What about you?
I'm being cheated on, too.
Yeah, but, I mean, you know
you're getting cheated on.
She's a poor, innocent, you know...
But he broke up with me,
and that's not fair.
I don't get broken up with.
I'm the one that does the breaking up.
We have to tell her.
It makes me so mad that he's
just gonna get away with this.
Can we let him get away with this?
No.
We gotta do something
about it.
Yeah.
She should know.
Right.
Okay.
What do we do?
Call her.
I don't have her phone number.
What?
What do you mean? I thought you
hung out with her last night.
No, I just ran into her, but...
I'd erased her phone number
back when we broke up
'cause I didn't want to send her any
weird drunk texts,
and now I didn't wanna ask her
at the party,
'cause it would've been embarrassing to tell her that I'd erased her phone number,
so I only have her e-mail.
You've some really serious issues.
I know.
Well, let's e-mail her.
Okay.
"Dear Laura".
No. Too formal.
"Hey, Laura", Too casual.
"Laura",
"good to see you yesterday."
"Hope you're doing... better?"
Whatever. Okay.
"Kate got back to me this morning."
"She says she's been dating Tom
for months."
"So basically, I just think he's
probably still lying."
"Anyway, I don't want to get
in the middle of anything,"
"but I thought you should know."
"So,"
"maybe we can hang out
some time again."
"It was really nice to see you."
"Sincerely, Graham."
Well, don't say "sincerely" at the end.
Yeah, you're right.
Take that out.
In fact, you should lose this whole last sentence.
"I hope this wasn't too upsetting.
Maybe we should get a drink
some time."
You just destroyed her life.
Give her like a week to recover.
But maybe she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Ooh, yeah.
Maybe just give her like a couple of days.
You know what? Feel it out.
If it's right, she'll come to you.
But don't wait too long, right?
No.
If it's meant to be, it'll be.
So I should send this.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure we're about to ruin
both their lives.
Yes, we are.
I mean, we're gonna ruin his life
for sure.
He needs to be held accountable
for what he did.
And you know what? I can't believe
I'm gonna say this,
but she would be better
off with you.
Thanks.
I agree.
Of course.
Okay. I'm gonna send it.
Do it.
Sent.
It's done?
How long do you think it'll take
before they write back?
I don't know.
But she will write back, right?
Oh, yeah. She has to.
I need a drink.
Me too.
Let's go.
Are you done?
Uh, yeah.
I'm done.
How many?
It's 20-ish.
What number am I?
You are number 18.
Are you going chronologically?
No, I'm just going stream of consciousness.
Well, then why am I not
number one?
I don't know.
I was just kind of thinking off
the top of my head.
Do you wanna be number one?
Well, what number would I be?
I don't know.
Are you really asking me that?
Yes.
Look, I can rearrange it,
okay?
I don't wanna be number 18.
Well, now you are number one.
So I'm the best sex you
ever had.
Yeah, you are the A-plus, number-one
best ever.
We would be perfect for each other
if you weren't you.
I mean, we both like watching TV.
We both like bagels.
and we don't sleep together,
so we're like an old married couple.
It's true.
What about the sex?
Was it good?
Yeah.
Then how come Tom doesn't
want me?
Because he's crazy.
Yeah.
Why do you care?
Because I like him.
He doesn't call me all the time.
He's not needy like other guys.
Because he has a girlfriend.
Well, nobody's perfect.
Maybe I should just date guys that
have girlfriends.
You know, that's a really good idea.
You should follow that up.
Maybe, if they break up,
you can go out with Laura,
and I can go out with Tom.
Wait. You would still go out with him?
Even after what he's done?
Well, now that he doesn't want me,
I want him more.
What?
You know that's how it works.
That's why you want Laura.
That's not why I want her.
And also, I'm not doing this
because I want her.
I'm doing this to help her.
You know, things just kind of
got complicated.
What happened?
Timing and stuff.
You went out with her, and it
didn't work out.
Well, I was a different person then.
Mm-hmm.
I was a little immature.
And now?
Very mature.
Old.
I'm not old.
Are you 30?
I'm not 30. Jesus!
How old are you?
- 29.
- Exactly.
So, what's your final count?
You go first.
I'm at 27.
27?
Yeah. What?
Is that bad?
What's yours?
What?! Really?
All right. It's 28, okay?
I'm not a bad person.
I am not saying anything.
I don't even think that Tom counts,
'cause he cheated on me.
So...
Oh.
27. We're both at 27,
and we're even.
Half these guys, I don't even like.
Most of them.
All this effort.
Stupid Dating!
- Buying drinks.
- Talking.
For what? Where'd it get us?
Nowhere.
I don't wanna keep adding
numbers to my list.
Neither do I.
Tom was different.
Laura was different.
I really like him.
I really like her.
But I'm not gonna text him.
He has to text me.
Why hasn't she responded to our e-mail yet?
God, I know.
Doesn't she have an iPhone?
No, she doesn't.
She has an old flip phone.
What?
I know. It's inexplicable.
So if she wants to check her
I know. It's inexplicable.
So if she wants to check her e-mail,
she has to go to a computer?
Oh, God. That's brutal!
What if she hasn't even checked
her e-mail today?
She's been with Tom all day,
sorting through all of her feelings,
making up,
- probably boning right now.
- Can you not say that for a second?
Well, it's true.
And she's at the birthday party.
- The birthday party.
- Yes.
Oh, my God! They'reprobably doing
it right now.
Can you not say that for like
two seconds?
And if she's read the e-mail, then she's
probably back in love with him,
and we just look like jealous exes.
Okay. We need to go there.
We should go there!
Where's the party?
The Hamptons.
The Hamptons?
What are you talking about?
I thought you were coming to the city
to go to the party.
I came to the city so I could take a
train to the Hamptons.
Ok.
Well, what time is the next
train?
We can't wait for a train.
We need to go right now!
Well, how the hell are we
gonna get there?
We need a car!
And this actually the second
novel I'm working on right now.
The first one, uh, won quite a
few awards.
Oh, cool.
So, you two used to go out?
Yep.
No.
No?
Like, "go out" go out?
Is there any other kind?
What? What do you mean
we didn't go out?
Well, there are different gradations
of going out.
Is that a mathematical thing?
There's hooking up, which is just
straight-up boning,
and then there's seeing someone,
which is boning with some
implied exclusivity,
although it's not legally binding.
So if you boned somebody else,
you may be slightly in the wrong,
but no major crime has
been committed.
You said "boning," right?
That's what she said, "boning."
So we were what?
Hooking up.
Hooking up?
I didn't even make it to "seeing someone"?
Well, I don't know.
We didn't really go out that long.
Three months.
I mean, I just kinda would've assumed there'd have been some implied exclusivity after three months.
I don't know. Maybe.
So you and Tom are what?
We're going out.
Oh, okay.
So Tom, history of intellectual whatever,
gets fast-tracked straight to "going out,"
whereas I go out with you for three months,
and all I have is these little games
where I'm trynna be not too needy
or not too distant,
and I don't even make it to
"seeing someone"?
So what?
I don't know.
I think I at least deserve some recognition.
So... so what?
You wanna be upgraded?
Yeah.
For a relationship that ended two years ago?
For a relationship that ended because
I had the decency to be a nice guy,
and not be like these other guys who treat you terribly that you always go out with.
Fine. You can be upgraded.
Why don't you get upgraded right to marriage?
Yeah, why don't you upgrade me to ex-husband?
Oh, that's good, 'cause you're the husband
I never wanted to have.
Fine!
How much longer is this?
Too long.
Let's get to the Hamptons.
You hungry?
You wanna get a bagel?
I don't even like bagels.
Go ahead.
Great. Oh, no.
That's gross. Thanks.
So here's how it goes.
There's this woman, all right,
and she's at her sister's wedding,
and she meets the guy of her dreams.
You know, she instantly falls in
love with him.
But she gets called away before
she can get his number.
What about e-mail?
No.
Boy, she could look him up
on Facebook.
No. He's not on Facebook.
Sounds suspicious. Has he studied the history of intellectual thought?
Do you mind if I finish the
story?
Great. Okay.
So she has no way of contacting him,
but, you know, the more they're apart,
the more she's falling in love with him.
Typical.
Next week, she kills her sister.
Why?
Mm, because she's crazy?
No.
Because she's jealous of her sister's marriage?
No.
She kills her sister so she can
see the guy again,
'cause if he went to the wedding,
he'd go to the funeral.
Oh, my God.
What?
That's the right answer.
Yeah. It's simple.
Yeah.
That means you're a psychopath.
What?
It's a psychological profiling question the FBI uses
to identify psychopath serial-killer personalities.
that it'll needs people who are psychopaths get the answer right.
No.
Yeah, you're a psychopath.
A psychopathic serial killer.
I'm not a psychopath.
You know, this actually makes a lot of sense,
'cause I've kind of thought
this for a long time.
- Can we go?
- Yeah.
What are we gonna do when we
get to the party?
Well, I mean, I guess we just
tell them the truth, right?
(You) think it'll work?
I don't know.
It's the one with the hedges.
It's these hedges!
There, where I just see lights.
With the hedges.
Which one?
This one!
Here. Pull here.
Jeez!
Whenever you're ready.
... but you're too close on my side.
You're too close on my side!
You know what?
I drive the car.
I'll drive the car.
Hey, pull out,
'cause I can't get out.
No, just climb over.
I'm not climbing over!
Well, I'll hold your hand if
that makes it easier.
I know. Fuck!
I'll climb over.
Okay. Are you ready?
Yeah.
All right. Let's go in there.
You can't just go in there.
What if she's not in there?
Then we're gonna look crazy.
Okay.
And what if she is in there?
Tom's gonna throw us out before
we get anything done.
You have to get Laura alone.
Okay. So how do I do that?
Hey.
You go around back.
You go in and find Tom.
Look.
That's Tom.
Looks like a jerk.
Got it.
- He does.
- He is.
Opinions are judgments, right?
Find Tom.
Tell him someone's blocking his car.
Bring him out.
Hey.
Once he comes out with Tom,
you go in and find Laura.
You've a picture of her?
Sure.
No, I know what she looks
like.
I met her last night.
Okay. Perfect.
So you go in, find Laura,
tell her that you're with Graham
and that she needs to see Graham
on the back deck.
Okay.
Cool.
Okay, so you go around back!
You guys go inside!
I'll wait here for Tom!
Right. Right.
Okay.
How are you so good at this?
I'm a psychopath, remember?
Right.
Okay.
Good luck.
You too.
Graham?
Laura.
What are you doing here?
I had to come up here,
because I wrote you an e-mail
about Tom and the whole thing.
Graham...
Wait. Wait.
I think he's still lying to you.
Tom was going out with my friend Kate
until last night.
I wrote you an e-mail about this whole thing,
and then I remembered you
have a flip phone.
And you know what?
I realize that I should call sometimes
instead of texting.
Whatever happened between us before,
maybe the timing wasn't right.
But I know that maybe now the
timing is right.
and I just feel like I wanted to
be honest with you
so that you could see that
I've changed.
So...
Here I am.
Graham, I got your e-mail.
Okay. Good.
But I already knew.
You knew...
You knew what?
About Tom.
He was at my apartment when I
got home the other night,
and...
he told me everything.
And he just...
He looked so sad.
You could tell he'd been crying.
and he told me how he'd been seeing your friend
behind my back
and that it was terrible, and...
that he didn't deserve me.
I...
I knew that I had to forgive him.
But he lied to you.
Yeah. I know.
I don't understand.
I don't expect you to.
I can't really explain it.
You're staying with him?
Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
See, that's the part that doesn't
make sense to me.
Well, people make mistakes.
Yeah, but some mistakes are forgetting to pick up the laundry,
and some mistakes are carrying on an entire different relationship behind your back.
Oh, when you love someone
and they ask for your forgiveness,
it doesn't really matter.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does matter.
It matters for all kinds of
reasons.
What we have is a civilization built on
rules and morals.
And if you're just gonna say that
it doesn't matter
and someone can just do
something
and then one day, it's a problem,
and the next day, it's not...
He tried every argument he
could think of,
but nothing worked.
She loved Tom,
and that was that.
"Maybe," he thought, "it was
the very fact
that Tom had done something so
monumentally wrong.
If Tom had only done something
a little bit wrong,
like texting when he should have called
or making out with someone else once,
then it would have been weak and
distasteful to forgive him."
But because Tom had committed such a prolonged and loathsome act of pure deception,
she elevated herself to the level of
sainthood by forgiving him.
She had succeeded in transforming herself
from helpless
to the supreme judge ruling over
the whole situation.
The deception didn't ruin her life,
it made it finally make sense.
And as he continued to look at her,
he started to suspect that she was
completely crazy
and that he had been chasing after the wrong
thing the entire time.
Tom wasn't what he had pictured
at all.
He'd always imagined someone
more imposing,
an evil prepster
who would be the type of guy to cheat on his girlfriend and maybe kick a dog on his way home.
Tom looked disappointingly
normal,
someone that he might have been friends with
under different circumstances.
To make matters worse,
Tom explained how he was actually glad that his
double life was over,
and that someone had finally forced him to
confront his terrible actions.
The worst part was that Graham
actually believed him.
The fact that everyone was so happy with the outcome
made Graham even more depressed.
Not only had his plan to expose the truth and
win Laura back failed,
it had precisely the opposite effect.
It'd brought them closer
together.
Tom invited him into the house
to join the party,
but Graham declined.
His only thought was getting as far away
from there as possible.
Kate had fared no better.
Tom had immediately apologized and
asked for her forgiveness,
robbing her of any pleasure in
tearing him apart.
The whole thing was a
disappointment.
Maybe we can go get a coffee
or something in the city.
You know?
Disgusting.
They're happy.
I know.
What did we miss?
It had been a wasted weekend.
He had so thoroughly believed that
he was doing the right thing,
and that if the truth was brought to light
then he would come out ahead.
But there was something somewhere that he
hadn't taken into account,
and he couldn't
quite figure out what it was.
They went back over every detail and tried to figure
out where they had gone wrong.
According to the facts, they should have
come out ahead.
They had been the ones seeking to bring
the truth to light.
And for what?
What difference had it made?
He was only trying to win the
affection of a girl.
And in the grand scope of things,
what did that matter?
Hey.
Did you really mean that I'm the husband that
you never wanna have?
You really think I'm a
psychopath?
No.
Sociopath, maybe;
psychopath, no.
Okay.
Then I guess you can say we went out.
They decided to go to his apartment and
sleep for a few hours
before she had to take the train
back to New Haven.
Are you awake?
No.
Think I'll ever find real love?
Yes.
When?
Later.
With their bodies so close
together,
there was the impulse for things
to turn sexual.
But then it started to feel good to be close
to someone without that.
That wouldn't have been the
answer anyway,
just a new entanglement to
fall into.
He hadn't held hands with someone that he wasn't
going out with for a long time,
and it felt nice.
It felt like something
simpler,
like it was more important to
have a good friend.
He took her to her train, and
they said goodbye.
He thought about just getting on a train
and going somewhere,
somewhere far across the country
without packing or wondering what he would do
when he got there.
He wondered if he could be totally in the present
without worrying about the past,
to just live there in that moment,
But all the trains were going to places
like White Plains,
so he decided he should stay
where he was.
He thought about the story he
was going to write.
He wanted to put things down as
they had actually happened,
without changing them too much to make the story funnier or more dramatic.
He would try and present the people
as they actually were
and the situations as they had
actually happened,
because maybe there was something
to be gained
from seeing how things
happen in life
instead of how they happen
in stories.
Maybe he didn't even understand
what had happened yet,
and in getting rid of some details that seemed insignificant at the time
he would be getting rid of the
most important part.
If he could just write it down,
maybe one day he could look back on it
and understand.
The people in the class would not like it.
But then again, they wouldn't have liked anything
he had done anyway.
Comments?
Graham?
Lisa.
Hi.
Hi!
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
I haven't seen you in forever.
I know.
I just need a break.
A break...Up?
No, no, no, no.
Not a break-up.
Just...a break.
What's the difference?
I mean, besides two letters...
- Graham.
- And a hyphen?
Okay.
It's not that I don't want to be
If you had known this was gonna happen,
you wouldn't have brought her here.
You would've gone somewhere
where no one knows you,
Not the place downstairs
from your apartment.
I feel like we're really on different pages,
maturity-wise.
Maybe I never really took the time I
needed to get over my ex-boyfriend.
Turkey on wheat.
Thanks.
Can I get you anything else?
No. Thanks.
Does that make sense?
So, are we...
It's not you.
It's me.
So it's you.
But I don't know.
Maybe it's kind of you, too.
So it's me?
I mean, we just kind of
jumped into something,
and I didn't take the time
to be on my own.
And this photography class I'm taking
is just taking up all my time and...
Everything was going so well.
You had introduced her to your parents.
She bought you that old typewriter
for your birthday.
And now you're here,
the crushing reminder that no matter
how close you think you are to someone,
you never know when
it's all going to just fall apart.
And you don't answer,
or if you do answer,
it's just like you're not there.
Graham?
- Paul.
- Paul.
Freshman year.
Batel, first floor.
Hi.
It's so funny I'm just
running into you now.
I'm here all the time.
That's funny.
Know who's having a party tonight?
No.
Sam.
Sam?
Sam.
Sam. Right.
Yeah.
Sophomore year, we all lived
third floor Stewart.
Sam.
You got to come.
You both should come.
I'm gonna text the address later on,
and I will see you there.
All right.
- Ciao.
- Later.
- Nice to meet you.
- See you.
Sorry. What were you saying?
Well, I was saying that sometimes it
doesn't feel like you're present, like...
like I don't even know if you're...
if you're listening to me
or what I'm thinking.
I mean, I can't tell what you're thinking.
You're just all over the place.
And as you sit there, it all
starts to feel very familiar.
And all the words start to sound like
all the other times
you've been broken up with,
or broken up with someone.
And you start to realize
that your life might completely
be going in circles.
I just don't think you know what you want.
But I'd like to stay in touch.
Maybe we can grab a coffee sometime.
Items to be returned/thrown away.
One copy, "unbearable lightness of being"
with notes in the margins,
lent/given as gift on second date.
One postcard from trip to Spain,
with affectionate writings on the back.
One purple shirt, given as gift,
rarely worn except in her presence.
One typewriter, Underwood 1939,
given as birthday gift.
Well, no need to get carried away.
Three Bobby pins, date
of origin unknown.
One letter written to Samantha
after first date
while she was in Phoenix for some reason,
unsent.
Letters from camp girlfriend,
circa sixth grade.
One photo key chain
made with college girlfriend
senior year at last chance dance.
Photos of various ex-girlfriends.
Old notebooks,
Ideas for novels that were never written.
Lists of things to do that were never done.
Notes taken during class.
Notes written to distract you from class.
Long entries about girls you
haven't thought about in years
who used to seem like the most
important person in the world.
People you've lost track of
but you still think about sometimes.
From now on, just move forward, move ahead,
focus on the present,
don't look back,
Don't get caught up
thinking about the past.
or whatever you do, don't.
Hey, Paul.
Right. Sam's party.
Okay.
See you there.
Hi.
Hey. I know you, man.
Uh, Grant.
Graham.
Graham! That's it.
I met you at, um...
Where (did) we meet?
When you see her at the party,
you're not sure it's her at first.
If it is her,
then she's changed her hair,
that's for sure.
It has been three years, so
that does seem fairly likely.
We were at that party together,
- at the Tribec...
- Excuse me.
I think that's my ex-girlfriend.
I hate that. I mean I just...
I can't stand running into exes
Oh, well, we'll catch up later, man.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um, was that girl's name Laura?
Yeah, it is.
You wait in the hall, anxious,
looking awkward talking to no one.
but you don't wanna get caught in
a conversation and miss your chance.
Finally, she emerges.
It's her, Laura.
She looks just like she did.
Now is the moment,
the moment when your eyes will lock
and everything will come together.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He just told me that.
I Like blog.
I'm, like, a blogger.
I write stuff about, like,
you know, my day and what
I'm eating... that kinda thing.
Oh, that's really neat.
Hi!
Oh, hey!
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Good.
Um... what are you doing here?
I... I know Sam.
Oh, I...
I didn't know you knew Sam.
Yeah. No. Uh, through Paul.
- Right.
- Right.
Right. Of course. Yeah.
Um...
I thought you moved.
I did. Um...
I did, and I was away for a while,
but now I'm back, so...
You ease into a routine
of irrelevant questions
and overly enthusiastic replies.
You try and make it seem
that everything's all right
and that life has been going well,
despite that e-mail you sent
late one night after a few too many drinks.
You try and make it seem like there's nothing
awkward about this chance meeting
but when you look at her smile,
you're reminded of how things used to be,
and you wonder why it ended
the way it did
and how your life has come to this point.
Hey, you'll never guess who's here.
Oh, um...
I should probably go,
but, um...
It's really good to see you.
It's good to see you, too.
So, was it her, dude?
Yeah, it was her.
Oh, man! That...
How'd it go? Did you guys talk?
And that's when Ben enters the picture,
the guy you've met a dozen times
who never remembers your name.
Hey. How's it going, Ben?
Hey.
Graham.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know, dude.
How are you?
Good. How are you?
Good. You know, the same, but...
Good. Good.
Uh, this is, uh... Ben.
Ben, this is, uh...
som...
...somebody.
Cool.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
You have a drink,
and then another,
thinking that maybe she'll notice
your world-weary malaise
and find it charming,
like she used to.
You keep a close watch on where she is
in the room the rest of the night,
trying not to be too close,
but trying to also be available
in anticipation of the follow-up conversation
where you both might open up more
and have a more in-depth talk
where she tells you that she's been thinking about how she regrets the way things ended
that maybe you two should
get a coffee and catch up.
No,
a drink.
Yes, a drink.
If she says coffee, that means she doesn't really want to meet
and she's just being polite.
The night goes on and on, and
you keep looking over at her
and explaining to your
friends
how strange it is
that you used to go out with that girl
and haven't seen her in years.
They don't remember her.
Tou only dated for a few months,
and you're not the type of guy to introduce
a girl to all your friends right away.
You expect them to react a little more
to the strangeness of the situation,
but no one really seems to
think it's that significant,
and it's disappointing.
The last time you heard her name
was when another ex-girlfriend,
now a friend, Kate,
mentioned that she was dating someone who had apparently gone out with Laura.
You had given Kate a copy
of one of your short stories,
and he saw your name
on the title page.
You know this guy?
Yeah. He's my friend.
He wrote a story.
This guy, he dated my friend Laura.
He totally broke her heart.
Oh, cool.
He kept going on and on about how
you broke this girl Laura's heart.
And I was like, "Yeah, fine,
all right, already.
Can we get back to boning?"
Wait. He said that Laura was heartbroken?
I know. Who would be heartbroken over you?
Always dangerous to become
friends with ex-girlfriends.
They know too much, and they're
not afraid to be brutally honest.
Or maybe that's just
the way it is with Kate.
Are you guarding the drinks?
Hey.
Just trynna make some tips.
Are you... avoiding someone?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's this guy I used to go out with,
and...
it's really awkward.
There's another person that
you went out with at this party?
Yeah.
Um... and I didn't end things well,
and it's just really uncomfortable.
It's kind of embarrassing.
- Wow!
- I just don't know if he saw me and...
or what, but...
Is he looking over here?
I don't know.
Who are you talking about?
He's, um... behind me.
He's got the blazer and the hair.
Ben?
You went out with Ben?
I mean, it was for, like, two seconds.
And...
I just...
I didn't return his phone call,
and I felt like a jerk,
and I just...
Is he looking over here?
Did he see me?
You know, I mean, he's pretty
much staring at you, so...
Oh, good. Great.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- You went out with Ben?
- How do you know him?
Through Sam.
God, it's such a small world.
All right. Now, here's a plan, okay?
You walk out the door.
I'll meet you in the hallway.
We'll go get a drink somewhere else.
I would love to, but, um...
one of my girlfriends is over there,
and she kind of got cornered by this guy
that she used to hook up with,
and...
Ouch. Yeah.
- He looks like a winner.
- Yeah.
Um...
And I... I should say hi to...
- Yeah.
- ...Ben.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
But we should catch up sometime.
Yeah.
Um... maybe get a coffee?
Yeah, coffee.
Coffee's great.
I love coffee.
Me too.
Have it all the time.
Yeah, you still have it at that place
that you used to write at?
Yes.
Nothing has changed at all.
Awesome.
Maybe I'll see you there.
I'll be there.
Okeydokey.
Well...
- Good luck with that.
- Thank you.
You say as you watch her walk away,
knowing that you won't hear from her again.
You don't even have her phone number, anyway.
You'll see each other again
at the same party next year
and have the same conversation,
wondering how time passes so quickly.
It's weird. I didn't even know
that you guys knew Laura.
Yeah, crazy, right?
Yeah.
Oh, thanks.
Well, it was great seeing you tonight.
Yeah.
- It's good to see you guys.
- Thanks for coming.
And...
be safe.
Thanks.
And give me a call
next week, yeah?
Sounds good.
Okay.
- All right. Take care, bud.
- Bye.
Hey.
Hey, Ben.
Well...
Hey, dude...
did you go out with that girl Laura?
Yep.
That's so weird.
I mean, I thought you did from Sam,
but when I asked her about it,
she said you guys just had,
like, a one-night stand.
Wait.
She said what?
She said you guys just had a one-night stand.
That's weird, right?
I mean, why would she lie about that?
I don't know.
That's weird.
How long did you guys go out for?
Five or six months.
Yeah, that's longer.
Did she say anything about me
or...
No.
Okay. Cool.
How long did you guys go out for?
I don't know, man.
I don't know when you're going out with someone,
or like just going on a few dates,
or seeing someone or dating
someone or together.
What does that mean?
You know, I have no idea.
Cool.
Okay.
All right. Well, I'm gonna...
Are you?
- You're going that...?
- Yeah.
Oh. I'm gonna go that way, actually.
All right.
Cool.
All right, man.
- Good to see you.
- Yep.
You walk away...
in the opposite direction from Ben,
even though the subway is
in the direction he's walking.
You walk all the way home,
even though it's 30 blocks.
This is the more dramatic thing to do.
You wish that she could see you
walk all those blocks
with your hands in your pockets,
thinking about things.
But you know that she's asleep
and thinking about something totally different.
You think about e-mailing her
when you get home,
but you're not quite sure what to say.
After all, you've said it all before.
Comments?
I just thought it was problematic
in plot and character.
Just the way that everyone
coincidentally knew each other
and it was all interconnected
seemed unrealistic.
What does he want?
What does he want?
I think he wants the girl.
Is that enough?
I mean, what does getting her
do for him?
It will do a lot.
So, wait.
Why is it in second person?
I think that just
kind of felt like the way I should write it.
You should think about writing more...
...in the first person.
Yeah. Editing is important for every writer,
especially you.
Yeah.
What I am hearing...
when I hear these words
is a sense of alienation
between these people who...
know each other but who
don't really know each other.
In a sense,
the character doesn't know himself.
He has an...
outside voice speak for him,
giving him instructions,
because in a way, he doesn't really feel
in control of himself.
He's essentially...
failed,
as a... human being.
I mean, he's unable to...
connect,
and open up to the people around him.
He's unable to really reconcile
with his own nostalgic,
idealized notion of the past
with his lonely present.
Well, I... I wouldn't say lonely.
He is very lonely.
And ultimately, unable to
be honest with himself
and have a genuine moment.
See, I don't...
I don't really know if, uh,
that's what I was going for.
His walking home is an act performed for...
not himself, but...
someone who's not even watching.
I don't think that you've really reached
the core of who this character is.
I think you need to dig deeper.
And I think you should work on it
and bring it back in next time.
Thanks.
And why Laura?
Because she's beautiful?
Because she's smart?
Because you like her personality?
Aren't there other beautiful,
smart girls with nice personalities?
What makes her different?
Because she's your ex-girlfriend?
Because you wanna
make it right this time?
Also because she's beautiful,
and funny,
and sweet.
and life would be better
if you were together.
and she's read "War and Peace."
and those eyes.
No, there's no way to go back.
You can only go forward.
You can't regain the past.
The best thing would be to forget about her
and go forward. Yes.
Don't think about her ever again.
or Facebook her.
Maybe you should defriend her.
No, that's too much.
Maybe just hide her posts.
Of course you're here.
Hi!
Hey!
What are you working on?
Just... writing.
About?
People and places, doing things.
Wow. That sounds interesting.
Yeah, it's fascinating.
Oh, am I interrupting? Are you
deep in writerly contemplation, or...
No, no, no. Um...
Do you wanna sit down?
Do you wanna have a coffee or something?
Yeah.
Yeah. Do you want...
- Sure. No, I'm good.
- You're good.
Yeah, totally.
Um... Okay.
Um... I'm gonna get something.
Okay.
I'll be here.
Okay.
So, I got your e-mail.
Oh.
Okay. Come on. Ben said what?
Well, he said that...
he knows that you and I went out,
and when he asked you long we went out,
you said that we only had a
one-night-stand kind of thing.
What?
Yeah. I don't know.
I mean, that's what he said.
No, I never said that.
Yeah. No, I mean,
I'm sure it's a weird... something.
I may have said something vaguely like that.
But I...
I never said "one-night-stand."
Yeah. No.
I...
Cool.
Okay. Come on. You know
when you start dating somebody
and you sort of tend to, I don't know, downplay certain things?
Yeah. No, I mean, it's natural to lie a little bit.
Lie? It's not lying.
It's downplaying.
Right. Downplaying.
Okay, fine. It's lying.
But, it's...
a noble lie.
you know, just avoiding saying something that someone doesn't necessarily need to know.
Right.
The noble lie. Sure.
Mm-hmm.
Well,
one-night stand or heartbreak, I guess
the truth is somewhere in between.
Heartbreak?
I don't know that I would call it a heartbreak.
I don't know.
That's not what I heard.
Oh, really?
Do tell.
Okay. So my friend Kate is
going out with some guy
that you went out with.
Okay.
And he told her that when you
and I broke up,
you told him that you were heartbroken.
Okay. Who is this guy?
I don't know. I don't remember his name.
Okay. What does he look like?
I never met him.
I don't know.
Carl, maybe?
Mm... no. I don't think so.
Harry Jacobs?
I don't know his name is
what I'm telling you.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Anyway, um...
Yeah, I guess I was
kind of sad about it,
but that's...
that's natural, don't you think?
Well, but I mean, you're the
one that broke up with me.
Well, I...
there were some things going on in my...
anyway, you weren't putting that
much of an effort in,
so I didn't think you were
really all that interested.
What? Of course
I was interested. I...
I put in effort.
I did stuff.
Are you kidding?
I would call you,
and you would text me back.
Okay, but a text is a totally
valid form of communication.
No, texting is not communicating.
I just... I don't know. I never felt like
I knew what you were thinking and...
you just didn't really open up to me.
See, this is the whole problem.
Girls always wanna know
what guys are thinking,
and the truth is that we're not
thinking anything profound.
We're thinking about what's on TV that night
what we're gonna have for lunch.
You give us way too much credit.
Well, you need to communicate.
I'm working on it.
Paul nateland.
No.
Dan Preston?
No.
I don't even know if they're going out.
She's in New Haven
for the semester, so...
I'm sorry. I'll stop asking. It's annoying.
- It's okay.
- Oh.
Hey, I got your e-mail.
Which?
The apology.
Oh. Last year.
Yeah. It was sweet.
Right.
What made you send it?
Ah, I don't know.
I guess I was just feeling
like I wanted to apologize.
Oh.
Somebody had just broken up
with you, hadn't they?
No.
Yes.
Yes,
but how do you know that?
Because that's the only time that people e-mail their exes that and when they're really drunk.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Well, if you liked it so much,
Why'd you never write back?
Well, I don't know. I...
I've been in this on-again, off-again
thing with this guy, and...
Oh.
- Sounds complicated.
- It's complicated.
Yeah.
So, are you on again or off again?
On again.
Oh.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
So, you wrote me that e-mail
'cause a girl broke up with you?
Partly.
Kate?
No, no.
We went out a while ago,
but we're just friends now.
You don't strike me as the type
to be friends with your exes.
Really?
Well, I mean, I guess after the statute
of limitations has expired, sure.
Oh. What, are you just not attracted
to her anymore?
No. I mean it's not that.
I mean, I'm not attracted to Kate anymore.
It's...
We're friends.
That... no.
I don't know. I feel like there's always kind of a bond there with somebody you've gone out with.
Yeah?
Now you're back together with your ex.
Yeah. Um...
It's kind of complicated.
We were together for
a really long time,
and then I found out that
he'd been cheating on me,
and so I broke things off.
But...
I kept just, you know,
thinking about him and...
I don't know, wondering
if he could change.
And, you know, he kept persisting
and wanting to be back together,
but...
I didn't feel like I could trust him
and... or anybody, really,
Not even, you know, um...
But uh...
But yeah, I told him six months,
if he can go six months and
not be with any other girl,
then we can be back together.
And he did it.
He...
He did it. So...
Wow.
That's great.
So you were back together with him
when I saw you at that party.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's funny. I was actually
gonna meet Tom there,
but then...
Tom!
That's the name of the guy.
What?
Yeah. That's him.
That's the guy going out with
my friend Kate.
Not, um...
not Tom Whitman.
Yeah. No.
Maybe. I don't know.
Maybe it's a different Tom.
Um...
Well, how...
how long did you say they were going out?
Two... I...
I don't know.
Maybe it's not Tom.
Maybe it's somebody else.
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
When did they go out?
I don't know.
Are they still together?
I don't know.
Laura, wait.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Are you mad?
Hey, come on. Come on.
Hey, come on.
Talk to me.
I'm sorry. I really don't know anything.
I'm not even sure if this is true.
Could you call her?
Who?
Your friend.
Yeah. Sure.
Kate, hey. It's Graham.
Give me a call when you get this.
Do you think you could text her, too?
Sure.
I can't believe he was lying.
I really believed him.
Well...
maybe it's a complicated situation.
Maybe it's a noble lie.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's still a lie, though.
Um...
Why do I always do this?
Why do I end up with guys
that lie to me?
Do you think that she'll call back soon?
She must be in class or something.
Right.
So, should I just have a mental breakdown?
No.
Don't do that.
Has she called you?
Oh, my God.
No, not yet.
Is life always gonna be like this?
No.
Is every relationship like this?
No.
We weren't like this.
That's true.
We didn't have any major
catastrophes.
Well, we got bored of each other.
That's why we broke up.
Bad timing, I guess.
You think?
Yeah.
Sorry.
I, um...
You probably have plans and...
No, no.
Well, I mean, I'm meeting some friends,
but not until later.
Well, I'm a little bit of a disaster right now.
So...
I think I should go and deal with this,
and then you can meet your friends,
- No. Wait.
- and...
Are you gonna call him right now?
No.
Okay.
Okay, then stay with me
and we'll wait until Kate calls back.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay!
I think I should probably call him.
No.
Don't call him right now.
He'll just try and confuse you.
You need all the facts
before he...
spins his all story into something crazy.
He's a manipulator.
How are you gonna call someone
on this?
Look at this phone.
Who are you calling,
Zack Morris?
Oh, you're right.
Um...
I'll just wait...
to hear from Kate.
But it's not like it's a misunderstanding
or a coincidence.
He's obviously lying to me,
and...
I can't trust him,
and I have to end it.
I mean...
It just makes me really angry,
because...
I'm sorry.
You don't really need to be
dealing with this.
No.
No, seriously. I'm...
I'm here for you.
Do you want another?
Okay.
You can't get caught up in the
middle of this.
It's not your place.
It's something they need to
sort out.
The messenger always gets killed
in this kind of situation.
You need to be...
be the neutral territory that she comes to
when this is all sorted out.
You need to be Switzerland.
Yes, you're Switzerland.
You don't need to keep hanging out with me.
I know you have plans with your friends
and everything.
No, no.
I mean, I...
I wanna...
be here with you.
Has Kate called you yet?
No.
No, she hasn't called yet.
You know, it's kind of perfect that
you're the person here with me right now,
'cause I think you're the only guy
who's never lied to me.
Sure. Of course.
This means that things are over with
you and Tom, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I can't...
I can't be with him after this.
You know what?
You should come with me.
You should come with me to meet my friends.
No, I'd don't think I'd be that fun
right now.
You need to forget about this
for a little bit.
We'll wait for Kate to call back,
but in the meantime,
just get your mind off this for
a little bit.
I think we need another drink, though.
Well, what I'm saying is...
where is the line between fiction
and nonfiction?
Uh, one is based in reality.
One is not.
What is reality?
Are we really talking about
this again?
Yes, we're talking about it.
He said it was an autobiography.
then he went on television,
said, "everything in here is true."
And then he had to go back and
apologize for lying,
which makes it not an autobiography.
You realize that if you add up all the lies,
most autobiographies add up to being fiction anyway?
Then why not call it "fiction"?
There's plenty of writers who
write about themselves,
but they don't claim it to be true.
They fictionalize it.
Okay, but it's much more effective...
But it's not true!
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Ok, what if the lie you're telling is, like,
actually helping people?
What the hell are you talking about?
The noble lie.
The noble lie. Yes!
- See, he knows what I'm talking about.
- Be right back.
But you're not a noble man.
Look what you did.
You scared away the girl.
You happy?
She's beautiful.
She is hot, yes.
Are you texting him?
No, he...
he's gonna be suspicious.
I haven't written him back all day, so...
Just don't talk to him right now.
It's a terrible time.
Just...
just talk to him later.
Okay?
Yeah.
- You're right.
- I'll hold on to this
- so you don't call him, okay?
- Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
We'll just wait.
We'll wait for Kate to call back, okay?
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you.
Of course.
Do you uh...
do you want a drink?
All right. I'll be right back.
Okay.
It's...
it's taken me this long to...
to get it all down on paper,
but it was in my head in fifth grade.
Hey.
What's going on?
Why are you asking me about Tom?
Yeah. No. I think...
Tom is going out with this...
this other girl, Laura.
What?
Are you still going out with this guy?
What the hell?
I mean, I don't know.
That's what it sounds like.
But, I mean, I don't know. No.
I think everything is totally fine,
because they're definitely
not together anymore.
I don't know.
I got to go.
I finished my first novel.
It... came out last year.
Do you read the New York Times?
It was reviewed in the New York Times.
You didn't read that review?
It was there.
Herbert?
Herbert? No.
You didn't...
Really?
Did you bring me here on
purpose?
What do you mean?
Wait, you forgot?
Right over there.
Here?
No, I think it was here.
I have it.
Okay.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Um...
I should probably go home and
deal with this.
But, um...
maybe another time?
Yeah.
You did the right thing.
She'll break up with him,
and then you'll get a drink,
or a coffee.
Nothing wrong with coffee.
Just let things sort themselves out.
Don't write her an e-mail.
Maybe just a short one.
"Good to see you tonight."
No.
Terrible idea. Definitely not.
Turn off the phone.
That's the only way.
Hello?
It's me. Open up.
Why do you 've so many stairs?
Hey.
What's up?
What's going on?
What are you doing here?
You didn't answer your phone.
Yeah. I don't...
I don't know.
Really? I'm sleeping.
Yeah?
Not gonna answer your phone
in the middle of a crisis?
You didn't answer your phone yesterday
when I called you.
Interesting. I'm a grad student.
I have classes.
I don't have to answer my phone.
So you came down from New Haven just to talk about this Tom thing?
That's the interesting thing,
because I was gonna come down anyway,
because today's Tom's birthday.
But I had a big exam,
so I wasn't gonna be able to make it.
Tom said he would come up to New Haven
to celebrate with me on Sunday.
But I was able to reschedule my exam,
so I was gonna come down and
surprise him.
but it's a good thing that I didn't,
because he would've been boning
that girl Laura.
Really?
He was trying to keep me up there so he could celebrate with her today,
celebrate with me tomorrow.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm crashing here, by the way.
You were just gonna come down here and
not tell me about that?
What do you mean?
I mean, you just kind of show up and,
you know,
make plans with me if other stuff
falls through.
I mean, maybe you could just call and
make a plan for once
instead of showing up and saying,
"Hey, let's go get a bagel."
Oh, I'm so sorry.
But I'm the one that's getting cheated on here.
When do I get some sympathy?
I didn't even know you were still going out
with this guy.
I'm trying to!
Well, great!
I don't even know why you're
shouting at me!
Why don't you buy me a bagel and
say you're sorry?
Then you can follow that up with an apology for not wearing any pants around me.
So, I asked him about it last night,
and he said that this is some girl
from his past that's still hung up on him.
She wants to get back together,
and he's trynna get out of it.
This guy's such a liar.
Yeah, I know.
So, that's it.
They're over, right?
No.
'cause this morning, he called me
and said things are more complicated
than he thought with Laura
and he needs to sort stuff out,
so he broke up with me.
Wait.
He broke up with you to be with her?
Yeah.
But she's not gonna get back
together with him.
Yeah.
Why would she do that?
I don't know.
Didn't you tell her everything
from last night?
Not everything.
I just assumed...
- that was enough!
- Why didn't you tell her?
Because it was a noble lie,
she didn't need to know all of it.
I just thought that she was done
with him already,
and I wanted her to...
let her...
You were putting the moves on her.
No. Of course not.
I was trynna be supportive.
I didn't wanna be the bearer
of bad news.
In retrospect, it was a bad idea.
So, he told you that he was back
together with her?
Yes.
Makes me so mad he's just gonna
get away with it.
We need to tell her what's really going on and save her from getting hurt by him again.
What about me?
What about you?
I'm being cheated on, too.
Yeah, but, I mean, you know
you're getting cheated on.
She's a poor, innocent, you know...
But he broke up with me,
and that's not fair.
I don't get broken up with.
I'm the one that does the breaking up.
We have to tell her.
It makes me so mad that he's
just gonna get away with this.
Can we let him get away with this?
No.
We gotta do something
about it.
Yeah.
She should know.
Right.
Okay.
What do we do?
Call her.
I don't have her phone number.
What?
What do you mean? I thought you
hung out with her last night.
No, I just ran into her, but...
I'd erased her phone number
back when we broke up
'cause I didn't want to send her any
weird drunk texts,
and now I didn't wanna ask her
at the party,
'cause it would've been embarrassing to tell her that I'd erased her phone number,
so I only have her e-mail.
You've some really serious issues.
I know.
Well, let's e-mail her.
Okay.
"Dear Laura".
No. Too formal.
"Hey, Laura", Too casual.
"Laura",
"good to see you yesterday."
"Hope you're doing... better?"
Whatever. Okay.
"Kate got back to me this morning."
"She says she's been dating Tom
for months."
"So basically, I just think he's
probably still lying."
"Anyway, I don't want to get
in the middle of anything,"
"but I thought you should know."
"So,"
"maybe we can hang out
some time again."
"It was really nice to see you."
"Sincerely, Graham."
Well, don't say "sincerely" at the end.
Yeah, you're right.
Take that out.
In fact, you should lose this whole last sentence.
"I hope this wasn't too upsetting.
Maybe we should get a drink
some time."
You just destroyed her life.
Give her like a week to recover.
But maybe she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Ooh, yeah.
Maybe just give her like a couple of days.
You know what? Feel it out.
If it's right, she'll come to you.
But don't wait too long, right?
No.
If it's meant to be, it'll be.
So I should send this.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure we're about to ruin
both their lives.
Yes, we are.
I mean, we're gonna ruin his life
for sure.
He needs to be held accountable
for what he did.
And you know what? I can't believe
I'm gonna say this,
but she would be better
off with you.
Thanks.
I agree.
Of course.
Okay. I'm gonna send it.
Do it.
Sent.
It's done?
How long do you think it'll take
before they write back?
I don't know.
But she will write back, right?
Oh, yeah. She has to.
I need a drink.
Me too.
Let's go.
Are you done?
Uh, yeah.
I'm done.
How many?
It's 20-ish.
What number am I?
You are number 18.
Are you going chronologically?
No, I'm just going stream of consciousness.
Well, then why am I not
number one?
I don't know.
I was just kind of thinking off
the top of my head.
Do you wanna be number one?
Well, what number would I be?
I don't know.
Are you really asking me that?
Yes.
Look, I can rearrange it,
okay?
I don't wanna be number 18.
Well, now you are number one.
So I'm the best sex you
ever had.
Yeah, you are the A-plus, number-one
best ever.
We would be perfect for each other
if you weren't you.
I mean, we both like watching TV.
We both like bagels.
and we don't sleep together,
so we're like an old married couple.
It's true.
What about the sex?
Was it good?
Yeah.
Then how come Tom doesn't
want me?
Because he's crazy.
Yeah.
Why do you care?
Because I like him.
He doesn't call me all the time.
He's not needy like other guys.
Because he has a girlfriend.
Well, nobody's perfect.
Maybe I should just date guys that
have girlfriends.
You know, that's a really good idea.
You should follow that up.
Maybe, if they break up,
you can go out with Laura,
and I can go out with Tom.
Wait. You would still go out with him?
Even after what he's done?
Well, now that he doesn't want me,
I want him more.
What?
You know that's how it works.
That's why you want Laura.
That's not why I want her.
And also, I'm not doing this
because I want her.
I'm doing this to help her.
You know, things just kind of
got complicated.
What happened?
Timing and stuff.
You went out with her, and it
didn't work out.
Well, I was a different person then.
Mm-hmm.
I was a little immature.
And now?
Very mature.
Old.
I'm not old.
Are you 30?
I'm not 30. Jesus!
How old are you?
- 29.
- Exactly.
So, what's your final count?
You go first.
I'm at 27.
27?
Yeah. What?
Is that bad?
What's yours?
What?! Really?
All right. It's 28, okay?
I'm not a bad person.
I am not saying anything.
I don't even think that Tom counts,
'cause he cheated on me.
So...
Oh.
27. We're both at 27,
and we're even.
Half these guys, I don't even like.
Most of them.
All this effort.
Stupid Dating!
- Buying drinks.
- Talking.
For what? Where'd it get us?
Nowhere.
I don't wanna keep adding
numbers to my list.
Neither do I.
Tom was different.
Laura was different.
I really like him.
I really like her.
But I'm not gonna text him.
He has to text me.
Why hasn't she responded to our e-mail yet?
God, I know.
Doesn't she have an iPhone?
No, she doesn't.
She has an old flip phone.
What?
I know. It's inexplicable.
So if she wants to check her
I know. It's inexplicable.
So if she wants to check her e-mail,
she has to go to a computer?
Oh, God. That's brutal!
What if she hasn't even checked
her e-mail today?
She's been with Tom all day,
sorting through all of her feelings,
making up,
- probably boning right now.
- Can you not say that for a second?
Well, it's true.
And she's at the birthday party.
- The birthday party.
- Yes.
Oh, my God! They'reprobably doing
it right now.
Can you not say that for like
two seconds?
And if she's read the e-mail, then she's
probably back in love with him,
and we just look like jealous exes.
Okay. We need to go there.
We should go there!
Where's the party?
The Hamptons.
The Hamptons?
What are you talking about?
I thought you were coming to the city
to go to the party.
I came to the city so I could take a
train to the Hamptons.
Ok.
Well, what time is the next
train?
We can't wait for a train.
We need to go right now!
Well, how the hell are we
gonna get there?
We need a car!
And this actually the second
novel I'm working on right now.
The first one, uh, won quite a
few awards.
Oh, cool.
So, you two used to go out?
Yep.
No.
No?
Like, "go out" go out?
Is there any other kind?
What? What do you mean
we didn't go out?
Well, there are different gradations
of going out.
Is that a mathematical thing?
There's hooking up, which is just
straight-up boning,
and then there's seeing someone,
which is boning with some
implied exclusivity,
although it's not legally binding.
So if you boned somebody else,
you may be slightly in the wrong,
but no major crime has
been committed.
You said "boning," right?
That's what she said, "boning."
So we were what?
Hooking up.
Hooking up?
I didn't even make it to "seeing someone"?
Well, I don't know.
We didn't really go out that long.
Three months.
I mean, I just kinda would've assumed there'd have been some implied exclusivity after three months.
I don't know. Maybe.
So you and Tom are what?
We're going out.
Oh, okay.
So Tom, history of intellectual whatever,
gets fast-tracked straight to "going out,"
whereas I go out with you for three months,
and all I have is these little games
where I'm trynna be not too needy
or not too distant,
and I don't even make it to
"seeing someone"?
So what?
I don't know.
I think I at least deserve some recognition.
So... so what?
You wanna be upgraded?
Yeah.
For a relationship that ended two years ago?
For a relationship that ended because
I had the decency to be a nice guy,
and not be like these other guys who treat you terribly that you always go out with.
Fine. You can be upgraded.
Why don't you get upgraded right to marriage?
Yeah, why don't you upgrade me to ex-husband?
Oh, that's good, 'cause you're the husband
I never wanted to have.
Fine!
How much longer is this?
Too long.
Let's get to the Hamptons.
You hungry?
You wanna get a bagel?
I don't even like bagels.
Go ahead.
Great. Oh, no.
That's gross. Thanks.
So here's how it goes.
There's this woman, all right,
and she's at her sister's wedding,
and she meets the guy of her dreams.
You know, she instantly falls in
love with him.
But she gets called away before
she can get his number.
What about e-mail?
No.
Boy, she could look him up
on Facebook.
No. He's not on Facebook.
Sounds suspicious. Has he studied the history of intellectual thought?
Do you mind if I finish the
story?
Great. Okay.
So she has no way of contacting him,
but, you know, the more they're apart,
the more she's falling in love with him.
Typical.
Next week, she kills her sister.
Why?
Mm, because she's crazy?
No.
Because she's jealous of her sister's marriage?
No.
She kills her sister so she can
see the guy again,
'cause if he went to the wedding,
he'd go to the funeral.
Oh, my God.
What?
That's the right answer.
Yeah. It's simple.
Yeah.
That means you're a psychopath.
What?
It's a psychological profiling question the FBI uses
to identify psychopath serial-killer personalities.
that it'll needs people who are psychopaths get the answer right.
No.
Yeah, you're a psychopath.
A psychopathic serial killer.
I'm not a psychopath.
You know, this actually makes a lot of sense,
'cause I've kind of thought
this for a long time.
- Can we go?
- Yeah.
What are we gonna do when we
get to the party?
Well, I mean, I guess we just
tell them the truth, right?
(You) think it'll work?
I don't know.
It's the one with the hedges.
It's these hedges!
There, where I just see lights.
With the hedges.
Which one?
This one!
Here. Pull here.
Jeez!
Whenever you're ready.
... but you're too close on my side.
You're too close on my side!
You know what?
I drive the car.
I'll drive the car.
Hey, pull out,
'cause I can't get out.
No, just climb over.
I'm not climbing over!
Well, I'll hold your hand if
that makes it easier.
I know. Fuck!
I'll climb over.
Okay. Are you ready?
Yeah.
All right. Let's go in there.
You can't just go in there.
What if she's not in there?
Then we're gonna look crazy.
Okay.
And what if she is in there?
Tom's gonna throw us out before
we get anything done.
You have to get Laura alone.
Okay. So how do I do that?
Hey.
You go around back.
You go in and find Tom.
Look.
That's Tom.
Looks like a jerk.
Got it.
- He does.
- He is.
Opinions are judgments, right?
Find Tom.
Tell him someone's blocking his car.
Bring him out.
Hey.
Once he comes out with Tom,
you go in and find Laura.
You've a picture of her?
Sure.
No, I know what she looks
like.
I met her last night.
Okay. Perfect.
So you go in, find Laura,
tell her that you're with Graham
and that she needs to see Graham
on the back deck.
Okay.
Cool.
Okay, so you go around back!
You guys go inside!
I'll wait here for Tom!
Right. Right.
Okay.
How are you so good at this?
I'm a psychopath, remember?
Right.
Okay.
Good luck.
You too.
Graham?
Laura.
What are you doing here?
I had to come up here,
because I wrote you an e-mail
about Tom and the whole thing.
Graham...
Wait. Wait.
I think he's still lying to you.
Tom was going out with my friend Kate
until last night.
I wrote you an e-mail about this whole thing,
and then I remembered you
have a flip phone.
And you know what?
I realize that I should call sometimes
instead of texting.
Whatever happened between us before,
maybe the timing wasn't right.
But I know that maybe now the
timing is right.
and I just feel like I wanted to
be honest with you
so that you could see that
I've changed.
So...
Here I am.
Graham, I got your e-mail.
Okay. Good.
But I already knew.
You knew...
You knew what?
About Tom.
He was at my apartment when I
got home the other night,
and...
he told me everything.
And he just...
He looked so sad.
You could tell he'd been crying.
and he told me how he'd been seeing your friend
behind my back
and that it was terrible, and...
that he didn't deserve me.
I...
I knew that I had to forgive him.
But he lied to you.
Yeah. I know.
I don't understand.
I don't expect you to.
I can't really explain it.
You're staying with him?
Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
See, that's the part that doesn't
make sense to me.
Well, people make mistakes.
Yeah, but some mistakes are forgetting to pick up the laundry,
and some mistakes are carrying on an entire different relationship behind your back.
Oh, when you love someone
and they ask for your forgiveness,
it doesn't really matter.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does matter.
It matters for all kinds of
reasons.
What we have is a civilization built on
rules and morals.
And if you're just gonna say that
it doesn't matter
and someone can just do
something
and then one day, it's a problem,
and the next day, it's not...
He tried every argument he
could think of,
but nothing worked.
She loved Tom,
and that was that.
"Maybe," he thought, "it was
the very fact
that Tom had done something so
monumentally wrong.
If Tom had only done something
a little bit wrong,
like texting when he should have called
or making out with someone else once,
then it would have been weak and
distasteful to forgive him."
But because Tom had committed such a prolonged and loathsome act of pure deception,
she elevated herself to the level of
sainthood by forgiving him.
She had succeeded in transforming herself
from helpless
to the supreme judge ruling over
the whole situation.
The deception didn't ruin her life,
it made it finally make sense.
And as he continued to look at her,
he started to suspect that she was
completely crazy
and that he had been chasing after the wrong
thing the entire time.
Tom wasn't what he had pictured
at all.
He'd always imagined someone
more imposing,
an evil prepster
who would be the type of guy to cheat on his girlfriend and maybe kick a dog on his way home.
Tom looked disappointingly
normal,
someone that he might have been friends with
under different circumstances.
To make matters worse,
Tom explained how he was actually glad that his
double life was over,
and that someone had finally forced him to
confront his terrible actions.
The worst part was that Graham
actually believed him.
The fact that everyone was so happy with the outcome
made Graham even more depressed.
Not only had his plan to expose the truth and
win Laura back failed,
it had precisely the opposite effect.
It'd brought them closer
together.
Tom invited him into the house
to join the party,
but Graham declined.
His only thought was getting as far away
from there as possible.
Kate had fared no better.
Tom had immediately apologized and
asked for her forgiveness,
robbing her of any pleasure in
tearing him apart.
The whole thing was a
disappointment.
Maybe we can go get a coffee
or something in the city.
You know?
Disgusting.
They're happy.
I know.
What did we miss?
It had been a wasted weekend.
He had so thoroughly believed that
he was doing the right thing,
and that if the truth was brought to light
then he would come out ahead.
But there was something somewhere that he
hadn't taken into account,
and he couldn't
quite figure out what it was.
They went back over every detail and tried to figure
out where they had gone wrong.
According to the facts, they should have
come out ahead.
They had been the ones seeking to bring
the truth to light.
And for what?
What difference had it made?
He was only trying to win the
affection of a girl.
And in the grand scope of things,
what did that matter?
Hey.
Did you really mean that I'm the husband that
you never wanna have?
You really think I'm a
psychopath?
No.
Sociopath, maybe;
psychopath, no.
Okay.
Then I guess you can say we went out.
They decided to go to his apartment and
sleep for a few hours
before she had to take the train
back to New Haven.
Are you awake?
No.
Think I'll ever find real love?
Yes.
When?
Later.
With their bodies so close
together,
there was the impulse for things
to turn sexual.
But then it started to feel good to be close
to someone without that.
That wouldn't have been the
answer anyway,
just a new entanglement to
fall into.
He hadn't held hands with someone that he wasn't
going out with for a long time,
and it felt nice.
It felt like something
simpler,
like it was more important to
have a good friend.
He took her to her train, and
they said goodbye.
He thought about just getting on a train
and going somewhere,
somewhere far across the country
without packing or wondering what he would do
when he got there.
He wondered if he could be totally in the present
without worrying about the past,
to just live there in that moment,
But all the trains were going to places
like White Plains,
so he decided he should stay
where he was.
He thought about the story he
was going to write.
He wanted to put things down as
they had actually happened,
without changing them too much to make the story funnier or more dramatic.
He would try and present the people
as they actually were
and the situations as they had
actually happened,
because maybe there was something
to be gained
from seeing how things
happen in life
instead of how they happen
in stories.
Maybe he didn't even understand
what had happened yet,
and in getting rid of some details that seemed insignificant at the time
he would be getting rid of the
most important part.
If he could just write it down,
maybe one day he could look back on it
and understand.
The people in the class would not like it.
But then again, they wouldn't have liked anything
he had done anyway.
Comments?
Graham?
Lisa.
Hi.
Hi!
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
I haven't seen you in forever.
I know.