Expend4bles (2023) Movie Script

["Every Time" playing]
[shouting in Arabic]
Omar, what's the status
on the general?
[in Arabic]
-[speaking Arabic]
No? [laughs]
[speaking Arabic]
[soldiers shouting]
[in Arabic]
[shouting in Arabic]
Where is General Fezzan?
Tell me.
Hold the line, hey
Do you fight for pride
Or glory?
Do you hold your scars
Close to your heart?
Fall behind, yeah
Who will live
To tell your story?
You were taught
To leave no man behind
[engine starts]
I don't know
Where you have gone
You've got your back
Against the wall
Where's your backbone
Where's your backbone
Where's your backbone
Where's your backbone
You've got your back
Against the wall
Say, where's your backbone
I might be complicated,
but I ain't fucking hopeless.
Is that what we call it?
Well, whatever it's called,
it's not working, is it?
[Christmas] Come on, Gina,
you're not looking
at the big picture.
[Gina] What's the big picture?
Is it you?
Are you my big picture?
Oh, my God, thank you.
You should get
the fuck over yourself.
'Cause you know what
you actually are?
A caveman.
You do resemble a caveman.
[Gina] You know what it is?
-And you don't?
-You don't want competition.
Gina, please, calm down.
That's what
your problem is.
Me calm down?
Did you just tell me--
Don't tell me
to fucking calm down!
I'm calm!
I've never been
more fucking calm in my life.
"Oh, look at me.
I'm English. I'm avoidant.
I don't like to argue."
Well, guess what?
I just want a little peace
in my life. Right?
-It'd be nice.
-I'm from America, bitch.
We're gonna fight about it.
Go. Just go. Go.
So what does that make me?
Does that make me stressful?
No, no, no.
A little violent perhaps.
I'm a professional.
Yeah. And a little violent.
[Barney grunting]
A little bit.
Teeny bit.
[Gina panting]
You know what it is?
I've got your skills
and then some.
And neither of you like it
because you're both cavemen.
She's talking to you.
Actually, she's looking
in your direction.
-I'm talking to you.
-[Barney] Mm-hmm.
But about you.
You might be my boss,
but I can tell that
you're also from this planet
called "hopeless"
where intimate relationships
and feelings
don't fucking exist!
Fucking baby.
I've wasted so much
of my life on you.
You are a loser.
But I like you.
Why are you here?
I lost my ring at this bar,
and I need you to--
I'm sorry. Is that it?
Are we done talking?
Are you done
with this conversation?
It's more like
angry chatter.
Fuck you.
She's talking to you
It's depressing.
No. It's okay.
I liked her, Barney.
She's an Expendable,
Look, I got great respect
for your uncanny abilities.
I really do.
But you are a selfish prick.
We all are.
We have to be
to choose this life
over friends, over family.
We do this for money.
-That's the definition
of prickism.
What do you think
of my analysis?
Pretty good?
I think you're a moron.
You don't believe that.
With every cell in my body.
Why are we here?
I lost my ring last night
in a bet, and I'm here
to try to buy it back.
Yeah, seriously.
A silly little trinket.
I'm superstitious about it,
and I like it.
Feel like
I'm missing a finger.
[hard rock music playing]
I tried getting it back,
but this half-ass
won't negotiate.
Jumbo Shrimp.
Who's he?
You'll see.
-What's up, Barney?
-Hey, Billy.
So how'd you lose
your most prized possession?
Thumb wrestling.
You mean arm wrestling?
I mean thumb wrestling.
Like that.
Give me your hand.
No. Thumb wrestling?
You used to be strong.
What happened?
And you used to be hairy.
What happened?
Things change.
What's up, Barney?
Hey, how you doing?
Jumbo Shrimp around?
Is there a problem?
-My friend
wants his ring back.
-[Barney] Mm-hmm.
Bet's a bet, man.
You know, no offense,
but I'm missing my ring.
It stays where it is.
That's unacceptable.
Striking resemblance.
That's brutal.
-These the guys, Barney?
[Christmas] Now I see
why they call him Jumbo.
-No, the other guy, second guy.
-[Christmas] Oh.
You lost
to Santa's helper?
That's embarrassing.
I was drunk.
Well, you're not drunk now.
Why the fuck am I here?
I hurt my back.
Since when?
A few weeks ago.
I can't even lift a fork.
I would do it for you.
But if you don't want
to do it, I understand.
If you're intimidated...
Hey, Lee.
Make it easy on yourself.
The classics.
I got this, Thumbo.
[laughs] Beer, please.
How you doing this nice day?
What do you prefer
to be called,
"Jumbo" or "Shrimp"?
Call me that again.
Cut your fucking head off.
That's a little harsh,
Barney wants his ring back.
What did you call me?
How much for it back, Yoda?
It stays here, asshole.
My back.
You see,
what we have here
is a matter of humiliation
and human kindness.
My friend here loves his ring
for all of his stupid reasons.
And it would be very nice
and civilized
if you gents would
understand that principle.
But since you choose to be--
Barney, what's the word?
Too long.
You leave me no other choice,
[exhales deeply]
-You're welcome.
-You're slowing down.
My turn, bitch.
Come on, chuck.
Come on, cowboy. Bring it.
[dancers screaming]
Get him a beer
when he wakes up.
[Christmas grunting]
You almost killed me.
I thought you had a bad back.
You know, it's a miracle.
It just went away.
You know, I really didn't need
this lovefest.
I like spending time
with you.
[bikes departing]
Next time,
take me on a pony ride, okay?
Overwatch, what is the status?
[overwatch operator]
Sir, there are three soldiers
guarding the general.
You're gonna need backup.
I repeat, wait for backup.
What the fuck is he doing?
No, no, no.
No, no, please. Please, don't.
What's up, General?
[doors open, close]
[grunts, chuckles]
Are my eyes deceiving me?
[Christmas] What's that thing
on Gunner's head?
It looks like a sick cat.
Cats are cute.
That looks like tumbleweed.
-Hey, good evening, big man.
Let's talk.
What's that thing
on your head?
Oh, the wig?
Yeah, the wig.
Question is, why?
Well, I was chatting
with this girl on the Internet
and she likes
that '70s look, you know.
The Farrah Fawcett thing.
Got it. You met her yet?
Why-- Why would I do that?
I like the mystery.
[Barney] Yeah,
that makes sense.
Sounds special.
It does.
I liked him better
when he was a drunk.
I know what you mean.
Me too.
I'm happy for you.
Hey, is this the new guy?
Hey, it's Easy Day.
Good man. Ex-special forces.
-Hey, Barney.
-Hey, Easy.
This our sniper?
Don't worry about it.
I got a prescription scope.
[Easy Day] What?
Well, Hawkeyes,
remember this face.
Don't shoot it by accident.
[loud thud]
You don't have to worry
about me.
Who's this guy?
You're slipping, pal.
You hired him.
That's Galgo's son.
I have the eyesight,
the heart and the sex drive
of my father.
Tell me he doesn't talk
as much as his father.
He's worse.
Twice as bad.
It's gonna be a long trip.
I am Galan.
That suppose
to mean something?
[Barney laughs]
It's supposed to mean
a little something.
All right,
cut the bullshit.
All eyes on me.
Who's the suit?
His name is Marsh.
I did a few things with him
before I met you.
He's CIA.
Hey, Barney, how you doing?
How you doing, Marsh?
How they hanging?
Gravity's setting in.
Welcome to the club.
As much as I would like
to exchange pleasantries
with you guys,
there's a pressing matter
at hand.
Meet Suharato Rahmat.
Former British national
turned arms dealer.
He has his own private army
and he's been hired
to steal some detonators
for nuclear missiles
for a very dangerous client.
Word on the street is
the client's name is Ocelot.
[Barney] Hmm.
Now, those detonators
get in the hands of Ocelot,
he's planning on using them
to create
an international incident.
We can't let that happen.
So that's where
you guys come in.
Your landing zone is Qaddafi's
old chemical war plant
in Libya,
which I hear is very nice
this time of year.
Your mission is to make sure
the detonators stay there.
All right?
That's all I got.
Good luck.
Barney, keep 'em tucked.
I'll do my best.
Operation Ocelot.
When were you gonna tell me?
When you stopped
playing footsies
with your girlfriend.
Hey, why's Christmas so pissed
about this Ocelot mission?
He's just being Christmas.
-Copy that.
-[Toll Road]
He knows Barney very well.
He knows exactly how far
he's willing to go
to end Ocelot.
Who the hell
names himself Ocelot?
Years ago,
the CIA hired Barney
to find out
who code name "Ocelot"
actually is.
He was close
when somebody walked him
into an ambush
and nearly killed
his entire team.
Yeah, some would say
Ocelot's a ghost
that Barney created
to cover his own ass
for a mistake.
No fucking way.
Ocelot exists and Barney
will bury him someday.
What the fuck happened
to your ear, man?
I'm glad you asked me that.
I wrestled in college.
Common affliction in that sport
is contusions to the ear.
Small pocket of blood
that separates the skin
from the cartilage.
Come on, big bird.
Get up there,
you deathtrap.
Don't insult it.
We have
a successful liftoff.
[Galan] Maybe it was
my first mnage trois.
You know. You know, Toll Road,
what I'm talking about, right?
You know what is
a golden shower?
It's when the woman, she--
she squats down on top of you
and releases her bladder.
It's very liberating.
Wow, a world-class pervert.
You know what is
a golden shower?
You look like the type
who has had one before.
I'm cutting these losers.
I heard too much of that.
It's tune time.
Time for music.
[classical music playing]
It's ancient.
It's soothing.
Yeah, maybe.
[breathes deeply]
You know I had
a panic attack last night.
Did you really?
Are you sure?
Like your skin
starts to crawl?
Your heart is beating?
You know it.
Just take some Xanax
and pretend you're happy
with your life.
I am happy.
By the way,
you're the worst doctor, ever.
Maybe it's Gina
who's making you anxious.
She actually relaxes me.
It's this-- this-- The job.
Some guys are just not meant
for companionship.
Face the facts.
Maybe you want to die
a bitter old sod,
but not me.
I want to be cheerful, happy.
But I will come visit you
in the home.
-Scout's honor.
Let's see
what's going on.
One of them was covering me
in hot candle wax.
Forget it.
Where are the detonators?
[General Fezzan] Never!
Your wife.
Not my wife.
No, Allahu Akbar.
Your son is next.
P-Please, not my son.
Give me the detonators,
and I'll make it quick.
My son, Adam...
This is a fact
you cannot change.
Give me the detonators or...
Not my son.
Your choice.
Okay. Okay.
They are in control room.
The code to the safe
-Wise choice.
Let's wake up the kids.
East side
Where'd that come from?
Ah, this is gonna be fun.
-[Barney] LZ's hot.
-Here we go.
[Christmas] Intel was off.
Get creative!
Got it.
Touch and go.
Okay, rally up. Rally up.
Am I driving lead?
Take Gunner to overwatch
and fall in.
Happy hunting.
Check it out.
There's something happening
at the weapons plant.
We're on it.
[soldier panting]
I count four vehicles
and a lot of ops.
Well, let's make less of them.
Sir, I have a new transport.
Tell Ocelot we have them.
Let's go.
In position.
Load up!
Rahmat's got the detonators.
Gunner, you got eyes on them?
Like crystal in headlights.
Gunner, you're way off target.
What do you need,
a seeing-eye dog?
Damn spots.
Hey, Stevie Wonder,
you might want to
get that prescription checked.
[Barney] Heads up.
Lee, where are you?
Looks like we're making
our entrance.
Hold on to your huevos.
Let's fly, baby!
Who the fuck is this now?
What do we do, boss?
Kill them.
[merc] Open fire!
[yelps, screams]
Gunner, we could use some help!
Six months sober.
[gunfire in distance]
Now that's
what I'm talking about, Gunner.
Can you lose them?
-We're inside!
Split up.
Galan, we'll take point.
-You go after that squirter.
We lost the .50 cal.
Pull up alongside him.
Time to improvise.
I can improvise.
Gut shot. You'll live.
[grunts, screams]
[bone snaps]
Maybe not.
what the fuck are you doing?
I'm improvising.
What's going on in there?
I need a status report now!
One more and we're on Rahmat.
[both grunting]
What the fuck, Easy?
Only easy day was yesterday.
Initial success
or total failure?
Initial success.
I'm out of ammo.
I'm coming in.
You mean total failure.
Christmas, where are you?
The detonators are compromised.
They're on the west side
heading north.
Don't let Rahmat leave
with those detonators
or there's gonna be
a lot of dead people.
[horn honks]
Get in, losers!
We're going shopping!
You might want
to watch your six!
Fire in the hole, fellas!
[gunfire continues]
Cover me!
Don't worry, my friend.
I would never leave you behind.
I can't get the angle!
[alarm beeping]
I'm out of flares.
Damn it, Barney!
Stay on mission, Christmas.
You're toast up there.
Listen to him, man.
Get the detonators.
Get the detonators, Lee!
That's an order!
Fuck no.
I'm saving your dumb ass!
You're welcome!
Nice work, man,
but who's on Rahmat?
[helicopter whirring]
Holy shit.
[mourner] I miss him, man.
["(Don't Fear) The Reaper"
All our times have come...
We miss you, Barney!
Here, but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear
The Reaper
Nor do the wind
The sun or the rain
We can be like they are...
[Toll Road]
Everybody listen up.
There's an old expression.
Beware an old man
in a profession
where good men die young.
I'm sure Barney Ross has
had a seat reserved
at the big table up there
for some time now.
And he earned that seat.
He never stopped earning it.
He brought the best out
in each and every one of us
because he was the best of us.
To Barney.
[all] To Barney.
[crowd cheering]
How are you?
You don't gotta pretend, Lee.
You know Barney
wouldn't want to watch you
sulking like this.
It's true.
Can I help?
Well, since you're asking...
I'd like--
So when are we
going after the guys
that did this?
You ain't going nowhere.
You're done.
[clicks tongue, scoffs]
What's that mean?
You're off it.
-You're done. You're out.
-Bullshit, Marsh.
Who's gonna run
Barney's team?
What is this,
a bad joke?
Well, you disobeyed
a direct order
from your superior
and that cost us the mission,
so you're out.
-I was trying to save him.
-Well, you didn't.
It's our play, it's our call.
You're out.
[Easy Day]
It was Barney's sacrifice
to make, brother.
Good death for the mission,
it would count.
And you just took it from him.
Made his sacrifice worthless.
Thanks for the support.
You certainly picked
your moment, pal.
Barney hated cover bands.
I'll be in touch.
Nothing Barney did
was worthless.
You understand? Nothing!
[Toll Road]
Hey. Easy, cowboy.
Fuck you,
talking about Barney
in my face.
[Toll Road]
This ain't the place
or time.
[Galan] Por favor.
Please, please.
Pantry cook.
[clicks tongue]
Hospitality director.
Can be "hospitable-ish."
Private security detail
for a social media influencer.
[club music playing]
[guests chattering]
I'm gonna go get a drink.
We're about to go live.
We're about to stream
this shit,
and you girls look like shit.
Uh, no. No.
Hey, muscles.
Get over here.
[snaps fingers]
[guests chattering, giggling]
Here, dude. [chuckles]
Hold my sign.
I'm your
private security detail.
I'm here to protect you.
Not hold your sign.
[chuckles] You see anybody
looking to do me harm?
[sighs] Potentially.
[chuckles] Whatever.
Just hold the sign.
Double-O douchebag.
-[all gasp]
-[guest screams]
What's up, motherfuckers?
I'm here at my NOLA pad
live streaming to you at home.
Bringing a little
into your pathetic
little lives.
Look at these NOLA bitches.
Which one-- No, which two
am I gonna fuck after?
Oi. Have some respect
for the ladies.
I am live streaming here.
You guys believe this shit?
Look at this guy.
Who does this motherfucker
think he is?
[in English accent]
"Oi, respect the ladies."
I'll respect them all right.
Respect them enough
to let them lick the sweat
off my balls.
[guests gasping]
Fuck, dude, my nose.
Do you know how much money
I make off this face, asshole?
Fuck it.
[lock clicks]
[switch clicks]
Welcome home, love.
You're lucky
I didn't shoot you.
[clicks tongue, sighs]
Hey, do you read now?
What is this?
Going somewhere, are we?
We're going after the guy
that got Barney.
The only good thing
that came out of Barney's death
was the unsealing of that file.
What the fuck
does that mean?
What's in here?
Barney was part of
a classified operation
in between
international agencies.
And when it went south,
all the parties involved
decided to seal the file
until everyone
associated with it was dead.
So once Barney passed,
that file was declassified.
It gave us a vital clue
on Ocelot's identity.
I want in.
I'm coming with you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You weren't invited.
Well, won't you be lonely
without me?
There's lots of other boys
on the mission.
I'm not in the mood.
I'm gonna play
a little Hendrix.
Usually does the trick.
Don't start.
Oh, I'm starting.
[both grunting]
-Oh, I always liked this tattoo.
So did your brother.
This was always my favorite seat
in the house.
Well, these
and the cheap seats.
[both grunting]
You really need to be
more careful.
Make me.
Do an old soldier a favor.
First things first.
[breathing heavily]
When I first met Barney...
I was straight out of the SAS.
Nothing to my name,
down on my luck.
He took a chance on me
when no one else would.
We're gonna get the guy
that did this to Barney.
I promise.
I know I can't go with you.
But I want you to take this.
I'll make sure
to give Rahmat your regards.
[vehicle beeping]
[speaks Vietnamese]
You catch any of that?
I don't know
what she's saying.
-But why do you think
they call her Lash?
-I have no idea.
But I'd love to find out.
She can lash me anytime.
Oh, it's way bigger
than that, darling.
No, no.
That's the Chinese bird.
-We use the middle finger,
they use the pinky.
-But if the shoe fits...
I was saying
what's up with your ears?
-My ear?
-Oh, shit.
Well, everybody knows
I wrestled in college.
And a common affliction
in that sport is that you get
a contusion in the ear
that separates the cartilage
from the skin and
creates a little pocket.
I've had this one
drained nine times.
I've never seen him so quiet.
[Toll Road]
In essence, God gave me armor.
He hasn't said anything
since Barney died.
[Toll Road]
Now, I caught my roommate
talking shit about it one time.
And I had to smack him
upside his head and give him
his own cauliflower ear.
That's just the way it goes.
You want to feel it? No?
It's not contagious.
I promise.
["Bigcityboi" playing]
Big city
Big city boi
Big city
Big city boi
Big city
Big city
Spacespeakers in the house
Make some motherfucking noise
[people chattering]
How you doing, friend?
I'm looking for Decha.
[speaks Thai]
Ex-Task Force 90.
Thailand Special Forces.
Supposedly owns a boat
that docks around here.
Don't know anyone around here
like that.
But if he have boat,
boat down there,
not up here.
Thanks for your help.
Hey, excuse me, friend.
You know the owner
of this boat?
I'm looking
for a man named Decha.
I'm sorry.
Decha has long gone.
Oh, yeah? Where?
To a place of peace.
Yeah, well, there's a lot
of that going around.
Excuse me.
I can't let you
steal this boat, sir.
What's it to you?
Just a boat.
It's not yours.
Hey, listen,
I'm taking this boat
with or without your permission.
Why do you have
Barney's ring?
Barney's dead.
And I need this boat
to get to the people
who killed him.
I was looking for Decha.
From what Barney said
about the man, I could
use him for what's ahead.
Barney's dead.
I was once Decha,
the man you seek.
But I put that man
behind me.
If what you say is true,
Barney should have
his revenge.
Damn right, he should.
[both chuckling]
[Marsh] Okay, listen up.
The Thai cargo ship Jintara
was hijacked
in the Andaman Sea
by our mutual friend Rahmat.
The Jintara
has changed course
and is tracking en route
to the Russian coast
of Vladivostok.
Now, due to
that royal clusterfuck
that was Libya,
Rahmat has taken possession
of the nuclear detonators.
The ship itself
is gonna be hosting an exchange
where they'll
be taking possession of
the remaining nuclear materials
needed to construct
a viable bomb, nuclear type.
And we cannot let that happen.
Now, we also have
valuable intel
that says
that Ocelot will be
on the Jintara.
So this might be
our one and only chance
to learn of his true identity.
-Or her.
-What's that?
Could be a her.
Or her identity, yes.
And bring him or her in.
As you know, Barney's death
opened up a file
that reveals the name
of a man who worked
with Ocelot.
A witness
in witness protection.
More on him from Russo.
Name's Phen Lyong Bai.
Ocelot's former partner
who'd love to rat Ocelot out.
Snitches get stitches.
Right, Gunner?
That's right.
Snitches get stitches.
I don't have to tell you
how sensitive
this mission is.
If the Russians get wind
that the US forces
are not only near
but inside
Russian territory,
it's a World War III
shit show.
So that's why
this mission carries
no US signature whatsoever.
Full deniability.
If this goes bad, it's on you.
And one last thing.
Since you Neanderthals
dicked up that last mission
in Libya without me,
I'm gonna be coming along
to babysit you this time.
Now, won't that be fun?
All right, so the mission's
gonna go down like this.
We're gonna run this assault
as a split team
with two separate objectives.
We're gonna HALO in.
Team Alpha's
gonna secure the bridge
while Bravo searches
and sweeps the boat.
We're gonna identify,
both Ocelot and Rahmat,
secure the detonators
and the nuclear components,
helo extract.
Any questions?
Is my delivery
a little different
than Barney's?
He probably
would have just said,
"Let's go."
let's go.
Is that an axe?
No, it's a snow shovel.
That makes sense.
Not for humanity,
but for you it makes sense.
Hey. So what's your story?
Barney told me
you were ex-Task Force 90.
Ultimate killer type.
Never seen anyone faster
or better.
There's only so many times
you can kill a man, Christmas.
Each time,
it gets easier.
You become numb to pain,
to joy, and to love.
With every person you kill,
you lose
a little more of yourself.
I had to stop
before there was nothing left.
Figured I'd be
using my axe by now.
This is too quiet.
Something ain't right.
Easy Day, Lash, you're with me.
The rest of you,
swing around port quarter.
Where's port quarter again?
I was Army.
We said left and right,
not port and starship shit.
Starboard is right.
Port, left. Quarter, back.
[Toll Road]
Got it.
Let's move.
Got a bad feeling about this.
where the hell is everybody?
The nuke
is definitely onboard.
[Marsh] All right, listen up.
Bad news.
They already have uranium
with the detonators.
There is now
an active nuclear bomb
on the ship.
We're about to
take the bridge.
It's a ghost town in here.
Put your weapons down now!
[Lash] What a fucking mess
this turned out to be.
First Libya,
now this.
Somebody knew we were coming.
Both times.
My intel was solid.
-Your intel was shit.
-Ah, shit on this.
The intel
could have been leaked.
-We don't know you.
-He was verified.
Well, then maybe it was
your new girlfriend.
[Toll Road]
Fuck you, Gunner.
You sold us out in Vilena
on that mission.
Think I'd forget about that?
Somebody did
sell us out.
How about your man?
You sold him out
so you could be on top.
Back off.
She wouldn't do that.
What? Fuck him on top?
Fuck you.
Maybe it's the mute
over in the corner.
What's up, Galan?
Cat got your tongue, cowboy?
[Easy Day]
Yeah, he's hiding something.
[Gunner] Yeah.
-I never trusted
this fucking guy.
-[door slams]
Who's the leader?
I'm the leader.
[hammer clicks]
Take him.
[Toll Road]
There she is.
Go time.
I'll go first.
Send down a signal
when it's clear
for you to follow.
This is as far as I go.
-I could use you.
-I can't.
If I let the old me out,
I don't know if I could ever
get him back in.
I understand.
[chattering continues]
Should be carnage up here.
Where are you guys?
[merc] My shift's done.
Going downstairs.
Don't move
and turn around.
Well, which one is it,
Don't move
or turn around slowly?
Turn around.
Very slowly.
Ah! Jesus Christ!
Colin, you scared
the shit out of me,
you bellend.
Who the fuck is Colin?
Don't give me that.
Hey, you need to be
careful with that.
That could go off
in your hand.
[radio chatter]
Perfect timing,
Mr. Marsh.
This mission was a trap.
Somebody leaked our intel.
My demands are simple.
Prisoner exchange.
I want your prisoner,
Phen Lyong Bai.
A dear friend of a friend.
If not,
Mr. Marsh will be the example
of how deadly serious I am.
So, what's it going to be,
I don't have the authority.
I know you don't!
But I know someone who does.
Let's get the last
of the fake planes up.
And the rocket's
Red glare
The bombs bursting in air
[radio chatter]
you sneaky little sausage.
I can get you the authority.
Phen Lyong Bai
is in your lockup.
Your contact is Donald Allman,
authorization 2-2-5-7-9.
And no funny business.
It's your call
whether the Expendables
need to live up
to their namesake or not.
[mercs chattering]
[influencer] Bringing a little
into your
pathetic little lives.
Look at these bitches.
Which one-- No, which two
am I gonna fuck after?
[Christmas] Oi.
Have some respect
for the ladies.
I am live streaming here.
You guys believe this shit?
Look at this guy.
-[mercs laughing]
-[in Bulgarian]
"...the ladies."
I'll respect them all right.
Respect them enough
to let them lick
the sweat off my balls.
[in Bulgarian]
This doesn't belong to you.
Where are my friends?
Where are my friends?
Sir, we might have a problem.
Paithoon and Takk
have gone dark.
Room 657, B-deck.
Much appreciated.
[merc on radio]
Don't mind if I do.
Report back, Takk.
We may have a rat onboard.
Check everyone's status.
Takk can't come
to the phone right now.
He's a little limp.
Who is this?
[Christmas laughing]
A man who made a mistake
letting you live.
But I'm here to remedy that.
[Rahmat] Ah.
Look who's still
trying to be a hero.
How nice of you
to come aboard.
If you're hoping for
a redo of the mess in Libya,
you're too late, I'm afraid.
My men are on their way
to hunt you down.
So I guess it's up to me
to put you in an early grave.
Just like I did your friend
in Libya.
He wasn't my friend.
He was my brother.
So you can bring your army.
Bring all the fucking men
you want
and I'll work through
every last one of them.
When I get to you,
I'll make sure
that the only way
you leave this ship
is in a wonderful variety
of pieces.
-[alarm sounding]
-[mercs shouting]
Don't shoot by the bomb!
-[groans, yells]
[mercs shouting]
-[engine starts]
you have eyes on the rat?
Yes, sir.
[Pavel] Corridor, deck one.
Deck two.
[Pavel] Officers' dining area,
deck three.
[engine revving]
Rubber side down, mate.
[mercs shouting]
He's on the stern.
[mercs shouting]
What are you doing?
Thought you were done
with this life.
It would be disrespectful
to Barney's memory
to let his friend die.
I like the look.
Thank you.
-Then let's get to it.
[shouting continues]
Everything's sealed tight
down here.
[Toll Road]
Yeah, these are
welded up solid too.
Okay, so what's next?
Bilge system.
Bilge system.
In emergencies,
it clears water
from the ship's dry areas.
If you get it open,
it should let us out of here.
[Gunner] Come on, man.
Let's get
this fucking thing open.
[groaning] Damn it.
-Well, that ain't budging.
-No shit. It's got to get wet.
Wet. If it gets wet,
it'll open.
Well, anybody gotta pee?
[Toll Road] I gotta go.
I've had to piss
since we HALO'd in here.
A little privacy, please?
The hyoid bone.
It's the only bone
in the human body
not connected to any others.
It's right here in the throat.
Without it, we cannot speak.
With these hands,
I will claw the hyoid bone
from the throat
of that fucker Rahmat,
stick it up
his boyfriend's culo,
then make both
of their asses apologize
while they drown
in their own blood.
Barney was my hero.
I do not speak,
I cannot speak,
because my mind is full
of these brutal,
visceral fantasies,
fantasies that will now
become a hellish reality.
You should go back
to not talking.
[urinating continues]
[zipper zips up]
-Any takers?
This will lead us
to the men
who killed Barney?
[Gina] Uh, yes.
I will avenge him.
Guess he does
like golden showers.
Lyong Bai is en route to you
as we speak.
I expect to have my team
returned alive.
Of course.
For what is a man
without his word?
-Prepare for exchange.
Moving out!
-This way.
Your friends
will be really happy
to see you, right?
Probably not.
Gina will have to admit
she needs me.
On three.
Nobody here.
No shit.
Where did they go?
You smell piss?
[sniffing] Yeah.
We're gonna stay quiet
until it's time to get loud.
Okay, okay. Yeah.
Get on the ground!
Time to get loud?
It's you
who needs to get down
on the ground, pal.
Or what?
Or get wasted
by an Expendable.
Don't tell me.
You're happy to see me.
Technically, you're not
an Expendable anymore,
Especially you.
Such a pleasure.
Great timing.
Easy Day.
Feliz Navidad.
Is that my Traumahawk?
How do you like it?
Growing on me.
What took you so long?
Did you think
that I was gonna believe
you were actually
just gifting me your knife?
You gifted her
your knife?
And they say
romance is dead.
He put a tracker in it.
It was all part of the plan.
-[Christmas chuckles]
I feel a little used.
Okay, let's go.
Hey, Gunner,
watch our six.
I like your hair.
-Who's your new friend?
Old friend of Barney's.
Kicks ass
with the best of them.
Any friend of Barney's
is all right by me.
Rahmat took Marsh.
Huh. I'm devastated.
First things first.
Toll Road, I need you
to take a look at something.
It's a big fucking bomb.
With the detonators
that we didn't get.
We're fucked.
Can you elaborate?
This thing's wired
to go in 27 minutes.
It's tamperproof.
Got mercury switches.
The only way we're shutting
this bad boy down is to find
the remote kill switch.
That's the last line
of defense.
Now, it's short range,
so whoever has that
on their person
is on this fucking boat.
[Gina] Rahmat.
Who's Rahmat?
Guy who killed Barney.
We probably
just entered Russian waters.
Dressing this ship to look like
a US aircraft carrier
with a primed nuke
about to blow
off the coast of Russia.
It's going
to start World War III.
Clock is ticking.
Let's lock and load.
New location, deckside.
It's all about
this kill switch now.
Switch off Rahmat
Well, can you make us
something loud and messy?
Does the pope shit
in the woods?
No, the pope don't shit
in the woods.
Or next to a bear.
Why you gotta say shit
like that?
["P.I.M.P." playing]
I don't know
What you heard about me
[music continues, muffled]
What is that?
That I'm
A motherfucking P-I-M-P
I don't know
What you heard about me
But a bitch can't get
A dollar out of me
No Cadillac, no perms
You can't see that I'm
A motherfucking P-I-M-P
Now, shorty, she in the club
She dancing for dollars
She got a thing
For that Gucci
That Fendi, that Prada
That BCBG--
[music ends]
Oh, shit! Bomb!
[merc shouting]
[shouting continues]
Fuck it!
You're welcome.
Don't mention it.
[shouting continues]
[gunfire continues]
Good to be back.
I got you.
Hey, puta.
I got him.
Toll Road!
Easy! Man down! Man down!
[mercs continue shouting]
Can you kiss that
and make it better?
Maybe later.
I'm a little busy right now.
I got him.
Hey! [grunting]
-[grunting continues]
Ready for prisoner exchange.
Three minutes
until we touch down.
Standing by for the exchange.
[Rahmat] Proceed as planned.
How you doing, Rahmat?
I see you like
to play with knives.
Well, I ain't playing no more.
You're gonna give me
the kill switch,
and we're gonna end all this.
Come and get it, hero.
Is that the biggest one
you've got?
That's the biggest one
I got.
[wheezing, groaning]
Lee, you good?
[groans, screaming]
Where's the kill switch?
You fucking idiot.
I don't have the kill switch.
My boss has it.
[helicopter whirring]
Phen Lyong Bai is here.
He's our witness
that can identify Ocelot.
-Hello, Bai.
-Oh, my God, no.
Bye-bye, Bai.
Marsh is Ocelot.
He's had the kill switch
this whole--
That's for Barney.
How long until detonation?
Twelve minutes.
All right, we got 12 minutes
before this ship blows up
like a Roman candl--
Hey, Marsh.
I guess you won't be needing
that anymore.
All right, Christmas!
You're like genital warts!
Always showing up
where you're not wanted
and refusing to go away!
You got something I need,
I'm coming down to get it.
I guess you figured out
that this device right here
is the only thing
preventing World War III,
a conflict that,
while devastating for many,
it'll be insanely,
insanely profitable
for somebody.
And that somebody
is gonna be me.
And the Expendables
will take all the blame!
So, enjoy the show!
Kill them all!
Take cover!
[Lash] Everybody get down!
We need to get clear
of this boat
or we're all gonna get fried!
Jumping overboard
is seeming like
a decent plan right now.
We'll never make it out
of the blast zone.
We'll never make it in time.
-Hey, man, you're not
going down on my watch.
We gotta move.
He's bleeding out.
I got an idea.
We can take my boat.
It's being towed.
That's a great idea.
Next time,
let's start with that!
Gunner, give us cover fire.
We're on the way out.
Copy that.
Cover fire.
[mercs shouting]
[Gina] Meet at the stern.
Repeat, meet at the stern.
[shouts in Bulgarian]
-We gotta move!
-[Toll Road grunts]
[merc] I saw them go
to the other side.
There's no one on the bridge.
Start searching the ship.
[mercs shouting]
Toll Road, you're next.
Galan, you're up.
Never mind.
Let's go.
Mission first!
I gotta turn this ship around.
Make my sacrifice count!
It's his decision to make.
Decha, we need to move
or Toll Road's
not gonna make it.
[merc] Check in block-D
then go around.
[merc captain] Get the rest of
the inflatable boats up here.
[merc] Sir,
we're headed back out to sea.
[merc captain] Move it,
move it, move it, people!
Genital fucking warts.
Take him out!
Get that RIB inflated!
We need to get the ship
back on course.
Get up to the bridge
and fix this.
But, sir...
But, sir, what?
The nuke is gonna blow.
We can't go up--
How do you feel
about a promotion?
All to the bridge!
Take him down!
All to the bridge! Go, go!
Looks like I'll be
seeing you soon, Barney.
[Marsh] Christmas!
Right here, Marsh.
Ho ho ho! I see you
called in the cavalry!
Well, you can't
get rid of me.
Well, the fun's in trying.
Why don't you come down
Old school.
Don't mind if I do.
Can't wait.
Don't you fucking move!
I'll be right down.
Barney tried
to expose me 25 years ago,
and he failed.
But you,
you're a good soldier.
You're a very good soldier.
But this, I mean,
this is above and beyond.
This is next level.
Barney would be
proud of you.
you can tell him yourself.
Because you're
about to join him.
So very nice.
Look what Santa
brought me.
The fuck?
Hey, I had him
with the classics!
You almost fucking killed me!
You're welcome.
Come on!
The fuck is happening?
Hold on!
Where are the nukes?
In the stern.
Hey, you were dead!
-The hell's going on?
-I'm a little busy.
So what's the story?
Twenty-five years ago,
we were doing a covert op,
and eight of my team
got wiped out.
I had to fake my own death
to open up a classified file,
driving Marsh out of hiding
so I could prove he's Ocelot.
Why'd you keep it from us?
If I didn't take that job,
they'd all be alive.
So, it was personal.
You understand.
I need a drink.
Me too.
-You're buying.
-I'm broke.
-You were funnier
when you were dead.
Great spending time
with you again.
But you could use a shower.
[Galan] Toll Road,
you owe me 20 bucks.
Guess you won't
be needing glasses.
Not bad.
Salute to my friends
who never quit.
Cheers to you all.
[Barney] To you guys.
[Toll Road]
What about that corny quote
on the ship, Christmas?
-You don't need to
repeat that, Toll Road.
-"Make my sacrifice count!"
Yeah, fuck you.
Stop giving him
such a hard time.
I think it's sweet.
That's sweet.
They're all just jealous
because you're
the most handsome one.
I know.
Ain't love beautiful?
Hey, Toll Road.
[Galan] Barney Ross,
back from the dead.
Only you could walk away
from a blazing inferno
with not a scratch on you.
You are like a mythical bird
raising up from the ashes.
I don't know
how you do it.
Just a moment.
I am relaxed. I'm trying
to talk to my hero over here.
Would you give me some space
please, Easy Day?
Hey, lame brain,
you got a minute?
Of course.
A minor question.
Step right in.
-There it is. Piece of junk.
I missed this.
Thanks, my friend.
I need to know.
Who the corpse is?
You ever wonder
what happened
to Jumbo Shrimp?
[computer voice]
Warning. Terrain ahead.
Too low.
Warning. No landing gear.
Pull up.
You didn't.
Oh, yes, I did.
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
I said
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back
You know that chick
That used to dance a lot?
Every night she'd be
On the floor
Shakin' what she's got
When I tell ya she was cool
She was red hot
I mean, steamin' like that
And that time over
At Johnny's place
Well, this chick got up
And she slapped Johnny's face
Man, we fell about the place
If that chick
Don't wanna know, forget her
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
I said
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back