Extra Geography (2026) Movie Script
1
- Finished.
- Finished.
Have you got a hairy fadge?
Why are you asking that?
We're just doing a survey.
Have you got a hairy--
No!
OK, cool.
Thank you for your response.
What's wrong?
I think
I'm not good at chemistry.
I think I don't get
to be a doctor.
Oh, no. Sorry.
OK.
Here, I'm open!
Yes!
What'll happen
if we don't get into Oxbridge?
Maybe we'll just die.
Our summer project's gotta be
proper good this year.
- We're ageing.
- I know.
No one gives a shit about you
when you're an adult.
We've got about five terms
left of people rooting for us
and then we won't matter again
to anyone.
I know. I'm stressed
about everything.
I don't even know
what any of it is yet.
Thank God we're here.
Not off getting distracted
by, like, drugs and boys
and part-time jobs and stuff.
Do you think you'll
ever do drugs?
I'll try every one once.
Just so I've tried it.
Same with boys.
- Kidding.
- I know.
Horrid.
We've just got to be prepared.
Otherwise we'll drop out
of uni and end up destitute.
And whores.
Yeah, destitute whores.
Stressed I'm gonna
end up rubbish.
You won't.
We're not like other girls.
We wouldn't be at this school
if we were.
Let's not wash our knees
for as long as possible
so no one forgets
how good we are.
Oh.
Well done in lacrosse,
you were both amazing.
Thank you.
What are you gonna do for
your summer project this year?
It's a secret.
- God, Phoebe.
- And we haven't decided yet.
God.
Can I do it too?
That's really hard to organise
though, 'cause it's a secret.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Can I sit with you in Maths?
Do you think we should tell her she was
a summer project too?
I don't know.
Think she'd get upset.
We were too good at that one.
Now she loves us.
Yeah.
Should we try
and get a talent?
How'd you develop the same
talent at the same time?
I don't know, actually.
Do you remember Georgia Pope
doing all that Irish dance
in assembly?
She was so well-rounded.
Natalie Novotny
was always on that flute.
Yeah.
What if you're accidentally
more talented than me?
Then I'll wait for you.
Obviously.
Good. Thanks.
Good afternoon, girls.
Doing charity will make us,
like, worldly.
Concerned about the world.
You have the scholarship.
You already look worldly.
Really?
Yeah.
You're like amazing.
Deffo get five offers.
I'm jealous.
I want to look worldly.
Are you
actually jealous of me?
Flic?
Sorry, Miss Delavigne.
My God, she hates me now.
It's only geography. Cambridge
doesn't even do geography.
We need to make money
that's worldly.
How'd you make money?
Annabel Peters sells energy
drinks. Could we do that?
Why don't you do
the summer play with me?
Which one is it?
Midsummer Night's Dream.
Ugh. Is that the one
with the donkey?
Well, they call it an "ass"
in the play, actually,
but, yeah, he's called Bottom.
Aren't plays
what sad girls do?
- I am sad.
- OK.
Oh, no. Are you?
Not in, like, a bad way, like,
you don't have to be worried.
Oh, OK.
A play might make us
look well-rounded.
Do you think?
Yeah... maybe.
Lights out, girls. For God's sake.
Flic.
You know, I think
it's good to be a bit sad.
If you were happy, it'd
probably mean you were thick.
Good.
So I'm sad, too.
Good. Thank God.
Bed. Now!
All things bright
and beautiful
all creatures
great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all
How did this young,
ordinary man
with a modest upbringing
in Stratford-Upon-Avon
become the famous William Shakespeare
that we know today?
Four hun--
Where art thou,
proud Demetrius?
Here, villain, drawn and ready.
Where are thou?
Lysander, thou runaway,
thou villain, art thou fled?
Speak!
Thou coward, art thou
bragging to the stars?
Come recreant! Come, thou child!
He goes before me
and still dares me on.
When I come where he calls,
then he is gone.
Ho, ho, ho, coward.
Why comest thou not?
Thou runnest before me,
shifting every place,
and darest not stand,
nor look me in the face.
OK, all right, all right.
That's enough.
That is enough.
Girls! Quiet now!
Silence a while!
Silence.
Music call;
and strike more dead.
He's so fit.
Our talented friends from St. Jude's are
here to remind you about auditions
for A Midsummer Night's Dream,
which take place on Wednesday.
Oh, my God.
This year there's boys.
God.
I'm furious about this.
I know.
They can't just spring
this on us. This is mad.
We're completely unprepared.
I know.
They've taken
all the good parts.
They've got
all the good speeches.
I know, I know.
They've wrecked
the entire whole thing.
Don't even want to do it now.
- What?
- What?
Are you kidding?
We can't not do it now.
It's the only way
we can get anyone's attention.
We saw everyone in assembly.
If we don't do it,
we might as well be dead.
Is this supposed to be good?
Like, I don't want to be rude,
but it's not well-written at all.
Damn, you're so
much quicker than me.
It's just love all the time.
No actual things happen.
Not, like, murders
or whatever.
I don't think we get
to do any fight scenes.
Everyone's being completely
insane. Is it supposed to be believable?
Maybe love, like,
makes you insane.
Maybe that's the point of it.
Well, I hate it.
I hate the point of it.
I like Hermia...
but maybe that's obvious.
Do you like Helena?
They're all annoying me,
to be honest.
You could be the donkey.
He's funny.
You could so play Bottom.
Ugh.
Do you think
I'd be good at it?
What?
Love.
In the play?
I'm good at everything else.
Do you not think I would?
Flic! Minna!
Do you want your classmate
to fall and break her neck?
Sorry.
Why are you being weird?
What? I'm not.
Do you like the play
or something?
No.
Do you really want to do that?
Prance about like a big old slag.
Flic?
It's what we'll look like.
- I sort of want to try it.
- No, you don't.
- What? Don't you?
- No.
Why not?
It's worldly.
Yeah, but-- I dunno.
Stresses me out.
Well, we have to try it
at some point, else we'll be shit at it.
And I don't want to be
shit at anything.
Are we still talking
about the play?
What?
Don't start being all...
- What?
- Distracted.
I'm not.
We're really lucky to be
in the school, you know.
- Don't throw it away.
- I'm not.
Don't go and...
do it without me.
As if.
What if we make it
our summer project?
What?
What if
we try it together?
We, like, fall in love.
What if that's
our summer project?
That's actually worldly.
We fall in love.
Who?
We should make it random,
like Titania and that idiot donkey.
We go somewhere,
close our eyes,
and then we fall in love
with the first person we see.
- Don't look at anyone yet.
- OK.
Act three, scene one.
Got it?
Yep.
Bless thee, Bottom, bless
thee. Thou art translated.
I will not stir from this
place. I will walk up and down here
and I will sing that they
shall hear: I am not afraid.
The ousel cock,
so black of hue with orange-tawny bill.
The throstle with his note
so true, the wren with little quill.
OK.
What angel wakes me
from my flowery bed?
I pray thee,
gentle mortal, sing again.
Hello, Flic. Hello, Minna.
You can't just stand here,
girls. Get your lunch!
Is she even clever?
She teaches here.
But is she, like,
an exceptional thinker?
Like, has she ever said
anything amazing.
I mean, she's mostly
just saying geography, so...
Isn't she from, like,
New Zealand?
Yeah, it's quite interesting.
But why is she here?
Doesn't she have friends
or a husband or anyone?
She does seem a bit lonely,
I've always thought. Sort of sad.
No, don't say that.
Sad people are annoying.
Oh. Thought we were smart.
Is she good looking?
Is looking at her good?
This was your idea, not mine.
I didn't plan to get to love
till I at least got me Master's.
You know what? It's probably
good that she's a bit shit.
- Yeah?
- Yeah,
'cause love is supposed to be blind,
so it just makes our love more impressive.
Yeah, you're so right.
So... love, then?
Yeah, love.
Like I want to be as good
at love as I am at maths.
- You're only allowed four.
- We're both getting them.
Can't just take them away
and not bring them back.
Not everything in this school is your
property to be taken away as you wish.
You just can't do that.
You can't.
You.
Can't.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Oh my God.
You just made a little...
What?
A little sound.
A little sort of sound.
Oh, my God. I did.
Did you just, like, long?
- Let me see.
- No.
I want to see
what made you long. I want to do it.
No, it's mine.
Get your own.
- Will she like me?
- She'll like us.
Not too flat.
It's not so good
when it's flat.
Oh, sorry.
I'm so nervous.
I'm just so nervous.
I'm so nervous!
I know. I feel like I'm thick.
Like, everything's gone thick.
Everything's about
to feel really good.
In everything I read,
it didn't seem like it felt that good.
No, it feels amazing.
Oh.
I thought it was more
like really stressed...
or something.
No, no, yeah,
definitely that.
That sounds more realistic.
Can I sit here?
Yeah.
No, I mean, can I sit there,
she sits there
and you sit somewhere else.
Oh, OK.
Are you guys doing
your project?
Not now. Fuck's sake, Phoebe.
Sorry, I said "fuck's sake",
Phoebe.
It's OK. I know how stressed
you get in summer.
Have a fab lesson.
Hope it's... fab.
Oh my God,
you did that already?
Need to catch up.
Oh my God, she's here.
Oh my God. I can't breathe.
Oh my God. Me too.
OK, Geographers.
How do we define a settlement?
It's where people
live or work.
Well, yes,
but how do we define it?
We can look at, erm, economic growth...
I found a place
full of charms
A magic world
in my baby's arms
A soft embrace
like satin and lace
Wondrous place
What a spot in a storm
To cuddle up and
stay nice and warm..
Away from harm
in my baby's arms
Wondrous place...
Are we about to start feeling
really stressed now?
- I hope so.
- Me too.
When I'm anywhere else...
OK, erm, open your books.
But I don't care
Everything's right when she
holds me tight...
Oh, shit!
We can't eat. We're not
supposed to be able to eat.
Do you love her yet?
I dunno. Do you?
I think so.
How do you know for sure?
We should probably
dream about her.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Let's do that.
You know what? We should talk to
Clare Deacon about all this.
But she's in Year 11.
Well, I have it on
good authority she's a whore.
We need tuition from a whore,
not Jane Austen.
For fuck's sake.
You Year 10s
always want advice.
Sorry.
What is it?
How do you know?
What the fuck
are you asking me?
How do you know if you're
like, properly in love?
Who are you in love with?
- We're being hypothetical.
- Who are you in love with?
Do you think I should
toss off my boyfriend?
He's topped me,
and fingered me,
and bum fingered me
and we've had dry sex.
- Definitely yes, then.
- Yeah. Definitely.
Definitely, yes.
Great. Thanks.
Can I-- Can I just ask,
where'd you get a boy from?
Does he go
to the boys school?
You've just got
to get them to love you.
And at least 10% more
than you love them.
Otherwise it's not love, it's
just something really sad.
- But what if... - So you definitely think
I should toss off my boyfriend?
Great.
There's this cool bit
on the canal
where you can look out
to the surface of the water.
I'll sneak out over the wall
and do it to him there.
So we just have to make her
love us. That's the priority.
Yeah.
We need to get her attention.
How though?
I think we have
to find out her real name
and call her it
without getting told off.
Yeah. We can't call
our lover "Miss Delavigne".
Oh, my God. It's so weird
hearing you say lover.
Oh! Sorry.
No, it's good.
We have to get her alone.
We have to get her to invite
us to her cabin or something.
Yeah.
What do we like, do,
though, in her cabin?
I dunno.
Not geography.
Bum fingered?
Come on.
I jest to Oberon
and make him smile.
When I a fat
and bean-fed horse beguile.
In very likeness
of a roasted crab,
and when she drinks,
against her lips I bob.
O me. You juggler,
you cankerblossom,
you thief of love.
What have you...
come by--
Have you come by night
and stolen my love's heart
from him?
Fine, i' faith.
Have you no modesty?
No maiden shame?
No touch of bashfulness?
What, will ye tear impatient
answers from my gentle tongue?
Fie, fie,
you counterfeit,
you puppet, you!
Puppet.
Am I puppet?
- Why so?
- Er...
Ay that way goes the--
"Puppet"? Why so?
Ay, that way goes the game.
Now I perceive that
she hath made compare
between our statures.
You were actually so good.
- You're so good, too.
- I'm shit. You're better.
It's impossible.
We're exactly the same.
It's a shit play.
We don't have
to do a shit play.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know I was bad.
It's OK.
What's the point of being
good at something shit?
Yeah...
It's fake anyway.
We're doing it for real.
They're not red,
but they'll do.
Are we even
allowed to cut these?
It's so sad, isn't it?
Yeah. So sad.
I heard he killed her
less than 200 yards away.
Yeah, I heard that.
It's so sad.
I don't really know what to do
when I think of all that.
Sorry little Evelyn Bush.
Now I don't hardly know her
But I think I could love her
Crimson and Clover...
Wait, what are you doing? You
can't just knock on the door.
What but so--
What am I allowed to do?
What happens now?
I dunno.
How do you feel?
I feel kind of sexy.
And I'm scared.
Me too.
I think my heart's
beating really fast.
Is it really fast?
I can just feel top.
You're so funny.
When?
Thank you--
I didn't mean to be.
But that's good, I guess.
Oh, you-- you look properly
excited for the first time.
Not-- not just scared, I mean.
All right. Yeah.
See?
We're both good at this.
What?
Sorry, that's awful.
I'm not even shit Helena.
That's, like, not good at all.
I'm not even shit-ugly Helena.
That's not even
really worth doing.
Should I go and
talk to the teacher.
I don't know
if you can do that.
- Can you talk to the teacher?
- Er...
I don't know.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
This is shit for me!
Oh my God. I'm in the play!
I'm a tree.
I'm a tree-slash-mound.
I'm a tree-slash-mound!
- I just...
- What?
What?
I just don't think my audition was
Titania-to-tree amount worse than yours.
I just don't. I don't.
Do things just sound better
coming out of your mouth?
Do I have a shit mouth?
Are we actually gonna do it?
It'll really impress Miss Delavigne
seeing us up there.
I'm a mound, Minna.
I'm a shit, shit,
shit, shit mound.
I'm disappointed too.
I'm not a lover either.
I'm just Queen of the Fairies.
I'm gonna kill myself.
Sorry.
Your light should be off!
Do I not get to do it just
because you're not doing it?
I'm a bit offended
you're OK to jeopardise
my Oxbridge application
just 'cause you're a mound.
Sorry.
Sorry.
You'll be amazing at mound.
Are they in there?
- Have a look.
- OK.
- Are you nervous?
- What? No.
I just remembered that
historically,
boys make my jaw lock.
Is that gonna be a problem?
Are you nervous?
No.
Don't have lines
to remember, do I?
Is there a cat somewhere?
I've gone a bit cat.
Are you annoyed with me?
What do we do
if they look at us?
If they look at us,
they look at us.
They're gonna look at us.
That's what boys do.
You just have to ignore it.
That's what we do.
No, I'm fine.
I'm actually so fine.
OK, girls, in you come.
Minna.
Flic.
Phoebe.
Jessica.
Emily.
Minna.
Flic.
Phoebe.
OK, OK. Can
we please start actually
integrating the names
we need to learn in there?
Hmm?
Minna.
Oh, no, sorry.
You're a girl. You're a girl.
Can I change my face?
Do you think
something's gonna, like...
like, happen?
Are you insane?
Minna's not thick.
Things always happen
between men and women.
We're not women. And they're
definitely not men yet.
They only get parts because
they have loud voices.
They turn up, they speak, they
put their hands on their hips
and everyone goes nuts.
There's definitely been
a cat in here at some point.
Do you think I should
have got a better part?
Like, my audition was OK,
wasn't it?
Why'd I get a pretend part?
I'm just happy
I got in at all.
'Cause I'm shit.
I'm the shittest
in the whole year.
No, you're not.
I'm not.
I'm not shit
so neither are you.
Actually,
let's have you a bit closer.
Closer together...
OK. Can we have
the mounds in, please?
Trees and mounds in.
You were so good.
Oh, thanks.
Demetrius is quite bad
at text, I thought,
and Bottom isn't funny enough.
And Lysander
literally sounds like
he's got peanut butter
on the roof of his mouth.
Oh my God, yeah. Yeah.
And Oberon
just stands there like:
Oh God...
Well, he only got Oberon
'cause he looks like that.
Like what?
I don't know.
You'd be a much
better Oberon.
Do you think?
God, maybe I should
learn his lines
in case he, like,
dies or something.
So annoying there's
boys this year.
Tree-slash-mound
isn't gonna impress
any admissions officer.
You're a scholarship girl,
though,
so you're already impressive.
Erm, was I good?
Oh... Yeah.
You were literally so good.
You were so good.
So that's chapter 14
by Thursday,
we're thinking about the questions
at the bottom of the page.
That's it.
Thank you.
Erm, we're in the play, miss.
Are you?
Yeah... She's Titania.
That's a good part.
Do you like Shakespeare?
Yeah, do you have
Shakespeare in New Zealand?
Yes, Minna,
we do have Shakespeare.
Will you come
and see us in it?
Erm, yes, of course.
It's the summer play.
So what about you, Flic?
Who are you playing?
Oh, no, I'm just a tree.
I wish Titania fell in love
with a tree, not a donkey.
I can't even put it on
me personal statement.
Hey.
Back home I was a...
television in my school play.
So what are you-- C'mon--
I feel a bit weird now.
Like, maybe I'm in the lead.
When am I gonna get looked at?
Don't worry, I'll look at you.
No, that's not the same.
No, stop it.
That's weird.
Oh... 'kay.
Sorry.
We should learn every single
thing about New Zealand next.
I've got a lot of lines
to learn, too, remember?
Oh... yeah.
I can always read and, like,
tell you the important stuff.
Yeah, you do the play
and I'll do New Zealand.
Then we've got
all bases covered.
You know,
stuff's happening to me, too.
It's not just you...
you know.
How canst thou
thus for shame, Titania,
glance at my credit
with Hippolyta,
knowing I know
thy love to Theseus?
- Didst--
- Titania! Titania, sorry.
You do need to actually
glance at him
if he's talking about
you glancing at him.
Sorry. I'm sorry, miss.
I'm just looking at my lines,
but I will.
Well,
actually, miss, the text is
"How canst thou
glance at my credit?"
It's not glance at me.
He's not referring
to her glancing at him.
It's not literal.
OK, fine.
But she should be glancing
at her husband-slash-king
of the fairies,
from time to time.
I don't know.
Titania's sick of Oberon
at this point.
I think what she's
doing works. It's good.
She's making it
hard for Oberon.
It's how the scene's
supposed to be.
Fine. On you go.
Didst thou not lead him
through the glimmering
night from Perigouna...
Oh my God.
Boys are crazy.
...with fair Aegles
break his faith,
with Ariadne and Antiopa?
Boys are so rude.
They shouldn't be allowed
in our school.
Why don't you imagine
he's Miss Delavigne
when you look at him?
What? Why?
If you're finding it hard.
Are you saying I'm really bad?
What? No, no--
Acting's really hard,
actually.
I just meant you have
to pretend to be in love
with a boy and then a donkey.
And not just a donkey,
but a shit donkey
who's actually a shit boy.
It's, like...
literally the hardest thing
in the entire world.
Right. Yeah.
Thank you, it is hard.
Anyway, I'm doing the scene
how it's supposed to be.
Are you a fridge?
What?
We're just doing survey.
Are you?
No.
What is a fridge, though?
It means you
haven't got with a boy.
That's right. Right?
Yeah...? Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not a fridge then.
No, you're not.
I mean, you are.
No, you're not.
I mean, you are.
What?
I'm friends with boys now,
in the play.
That's something.
No, it's not, is it?
Oh for God's
sake, they're just boys.
Can everyone stop being
so weird about it?
Fridge.
Are they, like,
bullying us or something?
No.
I'm fucking Titania.
Can I sit here?
OK, but I can't talk to you,
Phoebe.
I've got loads to worry about.
Did you hear about
Oberon's non-uniform jacket?
It's brown.
We're all saying that--
Sorry.
Are we supposed
to be doing New Zealand?
Did I miss something?
God, stop copying.
You need to not try so hard.
How do you not try hard?
If someone's not interested,
you have to be more
not interested.
I got my boyf
by going out with his friend.
I got his friend
by going out with his friend.
And I got him by going out
with his friend before that.
Who was actually
my boyf now.
But that was before
my boyf now got fit, so...
It's all gone in a circle
and it's all worked out
really well.
So...
just tell Minna to start
getting with the short one
and then the tall one
will want her.
What?
That is what we're
talking about, isn't it?
What?
No, I was being hypothetical.
Sure.
Minna doesn't like Oberon.
He makes her want to die.
Grafton girls are so dumb for
people who are supposed to be
the smartest girls
in the North or whatever.
Shut up.
She doesn't.
Oh my God.
Do you like him or something?
No! No, I don't
and she doesn't.
Just cause you're a...
fucking, fucking whore
and want to get with everyone
doesn't mean everyone else
wants to ruin their education.
Hello, Flic.
Hi.
Erm... Why are you
standing on your own?
Shouldn't you be at... lunch?
Sorry, miss.
Hmm.
Did you know New Zealand
has more flightless birds
than anywhere in the world?
- What?
- Apparently it's 'cause
there weren't mammal predators
before humans came along.
And so they could, like,
hang out on the ground.
And it was fine.
I like New Zealand.
I think I want to do the big
settlements essay on it.
Oh, erm...
Sorry. Is that allowed
or is it too far away?
Is everything OK, Flic?
I feel like a mound.
Oh, Flic.
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm fine.
I know I'm really lucky
to be here--
No, no, it's OK, Flic.
You've every right to be here.
Do you want to talk?
And the place names are mad.
Brightness Gully,
Desolation Creek.
Actually,
that one's a bit sad,
but I still like it.
Sorry. You're not like from
Desolation Creek, are you?
No.
Oh, 'kay. Sorry.
It just seems like the most
amazing, coolest place ever.
Mhm. It's a fascinating
country, Aotearoa.
Land of the long white cloud.
Couldn't even begin to cover
it in a whole term with you.
It's not all in the books,
you know.
What's happened there
to the people...
Oh right.
But we've talked about
that in geography, haven't we?
Studying the land
is only the first part.
Then you bring
the people into it.
Do you have, like, a name
from New Zealand, then?
Oh, erm...
Rosalind.
Rosalind.
Hmm. You've--
you've really lit up, Flic.
Really?
Yes. Have you thought
about your A-level options?
I mean, even university,
it's probably
a bit early for that.
Cambridge
doesn't do geography.
Well, er, I think you'd
enjoy geography. And...
Cambridge
is probably miserable.
Oh, OK.
I'll think about it. Thanks.
Er, are you a fridge,
Rosalind?
What's that? A fridge?
Never mind. Sorry.
I just thought you might be.
OK, then.
- Oh, God.
- What?
- What?
- I've got something
I have to tell you,
but don't know how.
What? What is it?
I think
I've gotten ahead again.
What?
She told me I'm really good
at geography.
That maybe
I should do it at university.
I just think you've maybe
been a bit distracted.
Oh. OK.
Anyway,
I just wanted to tell you.
Sorry.
I feel so much better
now I've told you.
She's called Rosalind,
by the way.
I don't know why everyone gets
so excited about half term.
No. Must be annoying
to have to go home
when all your stuff is here.
And the library's here.
- How do they even revise?
- Yeah.
Everyone always
comes back so slow.
Takes them like a week to get
back into the swing of school.
No one comes
to pick her up either.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry your parents
are in Munich.
I'm sorry
your mum's in Harrogate.
Do you want to cry?
No.
We're the lucky ones,
you know.
Yeah. Yep.
I think I dreamt about her.
Me too.
D'you think we'll get
to talk to her today?
Yeah.
I...
I know this is bad, but...
I don't even want
to do the play sometimes.
I just want to quit everything
and do lacrosse
with you again.
And win.
I'd like to win again.
Well, I don't even
want to win. I just...
Want to float.
Can we float?
It's OK. I know
it's getting harder.
But remember,
we've got each other.
Just remember
we've got each other.
When we're at Oxbridge,
we'll live like this.
Yeah.
We just have to not get
distracted or we'll wreck it.
I know. I know.
I do know that. I do.
It was pretty bright up on
the rainbow brace tonight
I could see into your window
Although you're far away...
I think she's wearing makeup.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Something's happening.
Oh, my God.
...If he is up for
What you have in mind
If he is up for
What you have in mind
Change is on the cards
But this time it will be hard
I never want to leave you
We've never had a fight
You should
never split a pole
You should never
split at all
I wish I had two paths
I could follow
I'd write the ending
Without any sorrow...
Minna!
What is it?
She needs to come here.
- Why?
- Seen this in a book.
Which one?
Miss Delavigne?
Yes, Flic?
What have you found?
Oh, that's...
It's "aba-lown",
isn't it?
"Abalon-ee".
- Yes, but we call it pua.
- Pua.
It's made from shells
from New Zealand.
Yes.
It's so pretty.
It's actually really
precious and has lots
of meanings for people.
European settlers didn't like
the taste of what was inside.
But they liked the shells
so they took loads.
It doesn't say that there.
I read that.
Now they're endangered.
That's right, Flic.
Hmm.
You know, my grandmother
had pieces just like this.
She loved it.
I remember you'd hug her
and it'd feel all...
cold up your neck.
Oh, she had a brooch
just like that.
Oh, she gave that
brooch to me, didn't she?
Could we see it,
Miss Delavigne?
I don't know...
where it is.
Do you have pictures of her?
Could we come to your cabin
and see them?
Sorry, I don't know--
It's so stupid...
Can we come and see them,
Rosalind?
Erm...
I-- I'll-- I'll, erm...
bring them to geography.
That was amazing.
Yeah...
she's obsessed with us.
They're amazing. I thought
about them all half term.
OK,
all support cast now, please.
Why art thou here?
Come from the farthest
steppe of India.
But that, forsooth,
the bouncing Amazon,
your bust mistress...
Who are you in love with?
What? No one.
Really?
I'm in love
with almost all of them.
You sound really
slutty when you say that.
What are we gonna do now
we've held her hand?
We have to do something.
We're, like, so close to
getting invited to the cabin.
Minna.
Minna?
Minna.
Can you think of it?
Sorry, I wasted so much time
in half term,
and I don't
even know my lines.
Don't forget Miss Delavigne
now we're back.
We held her hand.
What more do you want?
I mean, actually,
I held her hand.
You only got to because I did.
Sure. Thanks.
This was your idea.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yes, it was.
I didn't plan to fall in love
until I was 25.
Oh, my God.
You're being loud.
Why are you being weird?
I'm trying to help.
Like, I didn't
want to say anything,
but Rosalind doesn't
even like you that much.
I've been doing all the work.
You've barely done anything.
She wouldn't have even
wanted to hold our hand
if it wasn't for me.
And she touched me on the arm
way before we held hands.
And I didn't even
tell you that part--
Oh my God. Shut up.
But--
You have to stop going on
about Miss Delavigne.
I don't understand.
Don't you love her anymore?
Of course I don't love her.
What...?
Stop going on about her.
It's fucking weird.
This was just a game
and we have to stop playing
now that real things
are happening.
No, no.
But I don't like her.
She's weird and ugly
and sad and all crying
about a fucking badge.
It's-- It's a brooch.
So?
She's been
a complete waste of time.
No, I don't love her.
I don't even like her.
I don't love her at all.
Hi.
I'm really sorry.
It's OK.
You were right.
That was practise.
- What?
- Let's do something real.
If we're gonna do it,
we're gonna do it for real,
with boys.
We're gonna, like, find one
and, like, sit him down
and, like, get with him.
But we...
But we hate them, don't we?
No. I'm sick of being
a little kid. I'm not a kid.
I'm not a kid. I'm supposed
to be a fucking genius.
So we're doing that, then?
You want to do that?
Yeah. Together.
You're not gonna get, like,
scared or something
if we do that?
No.
We do it together.
At the same time.
Go to that cool bit of
the canal and we do it there.
Right.
Great.
Great, great.
Great.
Thy
threats have no more strength
than her weak...
Oh my God, they're just there.
Hello.
Hello ladies.
Can you help us down?
- Ah, there you go.
- Thanks.
Can one of you help Flic?
Oh.
Come on, let's go.
Minna...
- Will Clare Deacon be there?
- No.
What? That's where
she does her stuff.
Come on lovers, hath no fear.
Oh, thanks.
- Don't fall.
- Oh, my God.
- Don't fall, don't fall!
- He's going, he's going!
Ohhhhh!
Don't fall! Don't fall!
Don't fall!
No, no, no, drat, drat, drat!
No, drat, drat, no!
Fuck, fuck, stop screaming!
- Minna!
- Stop screaming!
- Trot along, mate.
- Oh, God.
Come on, mate.
One at a time.
Steady.
Come on, man.
Drat, drat, oh drat!
You're a bellend.
You're a little bitch!
Fuck off J-- J-Jeb.
All right, all right.
Calm down. We have guests.
S-- so, if you had
a crazy golf course,
what would you do
to make it crazy?
What?
Sorry, I thought that
was a good question...
for the group.
Well!
This is fun.
So you're like
a proper actor, then?
I mean,
that's the plan, I guess.
If the universe will have me.
When I did Prospero,
our teacher gave us
some really insightful notes.
Really?
I guess your school doesn't do
a lot of proper productions?
No, not really, no.
Sometimes I don't think your
teacher's that good on text.
Do you think
you're good at acting?
We're playing the main part.
Do you think you deserve them?
What part
are you playing again?
I'm gonna get better stones.
Who wants to come with me?
Come on.
Someone go with her.
For God's sake.
I'll go.
There we go.
How lovely.
Thank God.
Ooh. Is the donkey
gonna get off with a mound?
She always like that?
Yeah. No. Sort of.
I don't know.
Go on,
get that mound.
Aren't you gonna,
like, hold out your hand?
Donkey and
the mound sitting in a tree...
F, U, C, K, I, N, G!
That was mean.
Go on my son!
Watch out,
he's gonna pounce!
Why aren't you doing anything?
Have you even ever
got with anyone?
Yes.
Have you?
Yes.
You guys having fun
over there?
No.
You're a fridge, aren't you?
No.
You're the mound,
remember?
Why would anyone
want to go with you?
- Alright?
- Yeah.
Oh, come on, then.
Come on.
Have that!
- I hit you on that one.
- Come on, man.
All right. Woah!
Missed me that time.
I hit you then.
Come on, admit it.
Come on, Flic,
are you going to join in?
Come on. You're on his side.
Come on.
- You bellend.
- Woah!
That's cheating!
Come on, man.
Come on.
Oh, yeah?
Ahhhh!
Oh, fuck!
Are you all right?
Mate,
what the fuck are you doing?
- Can someone call my mum?
- Come on.
Do you want me
to come down and help?
How romantic!
Right, I know
this is all a bit unexpected,
but can we please
be adults about it?
Minna, you do actually have
to be looking at each other.
This is love at first sight.
There has to be sight.
So, look at Bottom.
And Titania says...
Oh, how I love
thee. How I dote on thee.
Do I have to choose?
No, you have to stay with me.
We're the mounds.
You're not a mound anymore.
Yeah, I am.
Just don't tell anyone.
You're
a way better Bottom.
I'm so glad
he broke his leg.
Like, maybe he
was a bit of a twat.
Oh, my God. Is that so mean
that I just said that?
Hang on. I think
I'm going mad or something.
Am I thick or something?
Am I really, really bad?
I just hate them.
I just hate them.
You know, I probably
shouldn't say this, but...
I'd rather be like you
than her.
You're the best girl
in the whole school.
We're just doing
a survey. Have you ever--
No.
Miss Delavigne?
Yes, Flic?
I really enjoyed
doing that essay.
I can tell it was
very well researched.
A little more than I...
expected.
Very good, Flic.
Thanks so much.
How useful is a source?
And what can a source
tell us?
And how can we verify
its accuracy?
Miss Delavigne,
have you got a minute?
Yes, Flic?
Do you have those pictures
of your grandmother, then?
Sorry?
And maybe pictures
of where you grew up?
Oh, erm...
Yes. In my... cabin.
Can I come and see them, then?
Maybe I could come for tea
and we could look at it.
We could do
some extra geography
and look at all your photos
and keep, like,
talking about New Zealand.
Well, erm, OK, then.
It's lovely you've taken
such an active interest
in geography.
Feeling lost and
I don't wanna be here
Burning up
inside the atmosphere
If I should spread my wings
I could fly away
But I don't wanna stay
up here all night
And if you take my hand
You could take command
Can't you hear me calling
I'm falling
Won't you take my hand?
Won't you understand...
What are you doing, Flic?
The project. Obvs.
Are you going in the cabin?
Yeah.
Are you seriously going
in the cabin?
Yes. In the cabin.
I got invited to the cabin.
Am I coming?
Only it was sort of my idea.
And it's a bit crap of you to
go off and do it without me.
- Well, you got distracted.
- Well, I'm here now.
You were slagging about
all over that lot.
I'm here now.
If you're gonna come, you have to give me
your scrunchie.
What are we gonna do
when we're in there?
I don't know.
Not geography.
Are you nervous?
Oh, Minna?
- Minna came.
- I wanted to see, too.
I love geography, too.
Oh... Yes, that's great.
Lovely.
Erm, come in, come in.
Sh-- shoes off.
That's OK.
Let's just get this all...
Ready.
And, erm...
It's lovely to have someone
take an interest.
You can see the, erm...
jewellery's all over her,
can't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
She looks like ya.
Oh, you think so?
That's good.
She's beautiful.
Did you know her?
Er...
Not really.
I thought, erm,
she was a bit scary.
I guess I'm
a bit disappointed
in myself for that now.
Did she ever visit you here?
Oh, erm, no. God knows
she wouldn't ever come here.
- So who's--
- What about your grandad?
No.
No, erm...
I don't think
they had a very
- happy sort of marriage--
- I hate boys.
Where are you in these?
Oh...
Well, these are...
mostly of
my fam-- family, but...
Oh, well...
if you see
a little shrub on legs...
erm, next to her brother,
that's a little, er...
me.
- There she is.
- Little shrub.
So sweet.
Hmm.
It's fine if we call
you Rosalind, isn't it?
That's your name, isn't it?
Rosalind?
What is it, you two?
What is it you want?
Gracious!
Gracious... Gracious.
Gracious, oh...
Oh, Minna you have to go. Now.
Flic, you go too.
Now.
Get out!
Minna, was it fantastic?
Minna? Was it?
Tell me.
Minna?
Minna!
O most courageous day!
O most happy hour!
Let us hear, sweet Bottom.
Let us hear, sweet Bottom.
Let us hear, sweet Bottom!
I have...
I've had a most rare vision.
Methought I was...
There is no man can tell what.
Be as thou wast want to be.
And see as thou
wast want to see.
My Oberon!
What visions I have seen.
Methought I was
enamoured of an ass.
How mine eyes do loathe
his visage now...
- Come, my lord.
- Come, my queen.
Take hands with me
and rock the ground
whereon these sleepers be.
Flic.
Are you OK?
You were really good.
No, I wasn't.
Why are you talking to me?
Will you go out with me?
No, I don't have time.
OK, fine.
Sorry.
You can kiss me, though.
We can get that out the way.
Can I tell people?
Rosalind!
It was me, wasn't it?
Wasn't it me?
Apparently, our new
geography teacher's a man.
Isn't that crazy?
It's sad, isn't it?
She's quitting lacrosse
this year.
Did you know?
All things
bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all
Each little flow'r that opens
Each little bird that sings
He made their glowing colours
He made their tiny wings
All things
bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
Hi.
Hi.
How was summer?
We went to Lanzarote.
That's amazing.
It was.
It was crazy.
You?
I'm really sorry.
What? Why?
The project.
Everything went wrong.
I'm sorry.
That doesn't matter.
It was your idea anyway.
That was all so sad.
Are you--
Are-- are you going out
with Oberon, then?
Oberon?
Oh my God.
No. No.
I hate boys.
I hated doing that play.
I hated them.
Oh.
Adam's in sixth form.
What about exams?
Oh my God, Flic.
You're so funny.
Forgot how funny you are.
I'm really sorry,
and I know it's weird maybe
to do this now in September
'cause there's not a natural
term break or anything, but...
just checking you know
we're not best friends now.
Oh.
I would have done anything
in the whole world for...
Erm, you know...
you.
It's exam year,
and I'm a prefect now, and...
you're kind of distracting.
So...
Yeah, so...
I mean...
I mean, OK.
I don't mind.
OK. Thank you.
- Finished.
- Finished.
Have you got a hairy fadge?
Why are you asking that?
We're just doing a survey.
Have you got a hairy--
No!
OK, cool.
Thank you for your response.
What's wrong?
I think
I'm not good at chemistry.
I think I don't get
to be a doctor.
Oh, no. Sorry.
OK.
Here, I'm open!
Yes!
What'll happen
if we don't get into Oxbridge?
Maybe we'll just die.
Our summer project's gotta be
proper good this year.
- We're ageing.
- I know.
No one gives a shit about you
when you're an adult.
We've got about five terms
left of people rooting for us
and then we won't matter again
to anyone.
I know. I'm stressed
about everything.
I don't even know
what any of it is yet.
Thank God we're here.
Not off getting distracted
by, like, drugs and boys
and part-time jobs and stuff.
Do you think you'll
ever do drugs?
I'll try every one once.
Just so I've tried it.
Same with boys.
- Kidding.
- I know.
Horrid.
We've just got to be prepared.
Otherwise we'll drop out
of uni and end up destitute.
And whores.
Yeah, destitute whores.
Stressed I'm gonna
end up rubbish.
You won't.
We're not like other girls.
We wouldn't be at this school
if we were.
Let's not wash our knees
for as long as possible
so no one forgets
how good we are.
Oh.
Well done in lacrosse,
you were both amazing.
Thank you.
What are you gonna do for
your summer project this year?
It's a secret.
- God, Phoebe.
- And we haven't decided yet.
God.
Can I do it too?
That's really hard to organise
though, 'cause it's a secret.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Can I sit with you in Maths?
Do you think we should tell her she was
a summer project too?
I don't know.
Think she'd get upset.
We were too good at that one.
Now she loves us.
Yeah.
Should we try
and get a talent?
How'd you develop the same
talent at the same time?
I don't know, actually.
Do you remember Georgia Pope
doing all that Irish dance
in assembly?
She was so well-rounded.
Natalie Novotny
was always on that flute.
Yeah.
What if you're accidentally
more talented than me?
Then I'll wait for you.
Obviously.
Good. Thanks.
Good afternoon, girls.
Doing charity will make us,
like, worldly.
Concerned about the world.
You have the scholarship.
You already look worldly.
Really?
Yeah.
You're like amazing.
Deffo get five offers.
I'm jealous.
I want to look worldly.
Are you
actually jealous of me?
Flic?
Sorry, Miss Delavigne.
My God, she hates me now.
It's only geography. Cambridge
doesn't even do geography.
We need to make money
that's worldly.
How'd you make money?
Annabel Peters sells energy
drinks. Could we do that?
Why don't you do
the summer play with me?
Which one is it?
Midsummer Night's Dream.
Ugh. Is that the one
with the donkey?
Well, they call it an "ass"
in the play, actually,
but, yeah, he's called Bottom.
Aren't plays
what sad girls do?
- I am sad.
- OK.
Oh, no. Are you?
Not in, like, a bad way, like,
you don't have to be worried.
Oh, OK.
A play might make us
look well-rounded.
Do you think?
Yeah... maybe.
Lights out, girls. For God's sake.
Flic.
You know, I think
it's good to be a bit sad.
If you were happy, it'd
probably mean you were thick.
Good.
So I'm sad, too.
Good. Thank God.
Bed. Now!
All things bright
and beautiful
all creatures
great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all
How did this young,
ordinary man
with a modest upbringing
in Stratford-Upon-Avon
become the famous William Shakespeare
that we know today?
Four hun--
Where art thou,
proud Demetrius?
Here, villain, drawn and ready.
Where are thou?
Lysander, thou runaway,
thou villain, art thou fled?
Speak!
Thou coward, art thou
bragging to the stars?
Come recreant! Come, thou child!
He goes before me
and still dares me on.
When I come where he calls,
then he is gone.
Ho, ho, ho, coward.
Why comest thou not?
Thou runnest before me,
shifting every place,
and darest not stand,
nor look me in the face.
OK, all right, all right.
That's enough.
That is enough.
Girls! Quiet now!
Silence a while!
Silence.
Music call;
and strike more dead.
He's so fit.
Our talented friends from St. Jude's are
here to remind you about auditions
for A Midsummer Night's Dream,
which take place on Wednesday.
Oh, my God.
This year there's boys.
God.
I'm furious about this.
I know.
They can't just spring
this on us. This is mad.
We're completely unprepared.
I know.
They've taken
all the good parts.
They've got
all the good speeches.
I know, I know.
They've wrecked
the entire whole thing.
Don't even want to do it now.
- What?
- What?
Are you kidding?
We can't not do it now.
It's the only way
we can get anyone's attention.
We saw everyone in assembly.
If we don't do it,
we might as well be dead.
Is this supposed to be good?
Like, I don't want to be rude,
but it's not well-written at all.
Damn, you're so
much quicker than me.
It's just love all the time.
No actual things happen.
Not, like, murders
or whatever.
I don't think we get
to do any fight scenes.
Everyone's being completely
insane. Is it supposed to be believable?
Maybe love, like,
makes you insane.
Maybe that's the point of it.
Well, I hate it.
I hate the point of it.
I like Hermia...
but maybe that's obvious.
Do you like Helena?
They're all annoying me,
to be honest.
You could be the donkey.
He's funny.
You could so play Bottom.
Ugh.
Do you think
I'd be good at it?
What?
Love.
In the play?
I'm good at everything else.
Do you not think I would?
Flic! Minna!
Do you want your classmate
to fall and break her neck?
Sorry.
Why are you being weird?
What? I'm not.
Do you like the play
or something?
No.
Do you really want to do that?
Prance about like a big old slag.
Flic?
It's what we'll look like.
- I sort of want to try it.
- No, you don't.
- What? Don't you?
- No.
Why not?
It's worldly.
Yeah, but-- I dunno.
Stresses me out.
Well, we have to try it
at some point, else we'll be shit at it.
And I don't want to be
shit at anything.
Are we still talking
about the play?
What?
Don't start being all...
- What?
- Distracted.
I'm not.
We're really lucky to be
in the school, you know.
- Don't throw it away.
- I'm not.
Don't go and...
do it without me.
As if.
What if we make it
our summer project?
What?
What if
we try it together?
We, like, fall in love.
What if that's
our summer project?
That's actually worldly.
We fall in love.
Who?
We should make it random,
like Titania and that idiot donkey.
We go somewhere,
close our eyes,
and then we fall in love
with the first person we see.
- Don't look at anyone yet.
- OK.
Act three, scene one.
Got it?
Yep.
Bless thee, Bottom, bless
thee. Thou art translated.
I will not stir from this
place. I will walk up and down here
and I will sing that they
shall hear: I am not afraid.
The ousel cock,
so black of hue with orange-tawny bill.
The throstle with his note
so true, the wren with little quill.
OK.
What angel wakes me
from my flowery bed?
I pray thee,
gentle mortal, sing again.
Hello, Flic. Hello, Minna.
You can't just stand here,
girls. Get your lunch!
Is she even clever?
She teaches here.
But is she, like,
an exceptional thinker?
Like, has she ever said
anything amazing.
I mean, she's mostly
just saying geography, so...
Isn't she from, like,
New Zealand?
Yeah, it's quite interesting.
But why is she here?
Doesn't she have friends
or a husband or anyone?
She does seem a bit lonely,
I've always thought. Sort of sad.
No, don't say that.
Sad people are annoying.
Oh. Thought we were smart.
Is she good looking?
Is looking at her good?
This was your idea, not mine.
I didn't plan to get to love
till I at least got me Master's.
You know what? It's probably
good that she's a bit shit.
- Yeah?
- Yeah,
'cause love is supposed to be blind,
so it just makes our love more impressive.
Yeah, you're so right.
So... love, then?
Yeah, love.
Like I want to be as good
at love as I am at maths.
- You're only allowed four.
- We're both getting them.
Can't just take them away
and not bring them back.
Not everything in this school is your
property to be taken away as you wish.
You just can't do that.
You can't.
You.
Can't.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Oh my God.
You just made a little...
What?
A little sound.
A little sort of sound.
Oh, my God. I did.
Did you just, like, long?
- Let me see.
- No.
I want to see
what made you long. I want to do it.
No, it's mine.
Get your own.
- Will she like me?
- She'll like us.
Not too flat.
It's not so good
when it's flat.
Oh, sorry.
I'm so nervous.
I'm just so nervous.
I'm so nervous!
I know. I feel like I'm thick.
Like, everything's gone thick.
Everything's about
to feel really good.
In everything I read,
it didn't seem like it felt that good.
No, it feels amazing.
Oh.
I thought it was more
like really stressed...
or something.
No, no, yeah,
definitely that.
That sounds more realistic.
Can I sit here?
Yeah.
No, I mean, can I sit there,
she sits there
and you sit somewhere else.
Oh, OK.
Are you guys doing
your project?
Not now. Fuck's sake, Phoebe.
Sorry, I said "fuck's sake",
Phoebe.
It's OK. I know how stressed
you get in summer.
Have a fab lesson.
Hope it's... fab.
Oh my God,
you did that already?
Need to catch up.
Oh my God, she's here.
Oh my God. I can't breathe.
Oh my God. Me too.
OK, Geographers.
How do we define a settlement?
It's where people
live or work.
Well, yes,
but how do we define it?
We can look at, erm, economic growth...
I found a place
full of charms
A magic world
in my baby's arms
A soft embrace
like satin and lace
Wondrous place
What a spot in a storm
To cuddle up and
stay nice and warm..
Away from harm
in my baby's arms
Wondrous place...
Are we about to start feeling
really stressed now?
- I hope so.
- Me too.
When I'm anywhere else...
OK, erm, open your books.
But I don't care
Everything's right when she
holds me tight...
Oh, shit!
We can't eat. We're not
supposed to be able to eat.
Do you love her yet?
I dunno. Do you?
I think so.
How do you know for sure?
We should probably
dream about her.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Let's do that.
You know what? We should talk to
Clare Deacon about all this.
But she's in Year 11.
Well, I have it on
good authority she's a whore.
We need tuition from a whore,
not Jane Austen.
For fuck's sake.
You Year 10s
always want advice.
Sorry.
What is it?
How do you know?
What the fuck
are you asking me?
How do you know if you're
like, properly in love?
Who are you in love with?
- We're being hypothetical.
- Who are you in love with?
Do you think I should
toss off my boyfriend?
He's topped me,
and fingered me,
and bum fingered me
and we've had dry sex.
- Definitely yes, then.
- Yeah. Definitely.
Definitely, yes.
Great. Thanks.
Can I-- Can I just ask,
where'd you get a boy from?
Does he go
to the boys school?
You've just got
to get them to love you.
And at least 10% more
than you love them.
Otherwise it's not love, it's
just something really sad.
- But what if... - So you definitely think
I should toss off my boyfriend?
Great.
There's this cool bit
on the canal
where you can look out
to the surface of the water.
I'll sneak out over the wall
and do it to him there.
So we just have to make her
love us. That's the priority.
Yeah.
We need to get her attention.
How though?
I think we have
to find out her real name
and call her it
without getting told off.
Yeah. We can't call
our lover "Miss Delavigne".
Oh, my God. It's so weird
hearing you say lover.
Oh! Sorry.
No, it's good.
We have to get her alone.
We have to get her to invite
us to her cabin or something.
Yeah.
What do we like, do,
though, in her cabin?
I dunno.
Not geography.
Bum fingered?
Come on.
I jest to Oberon
and make him smile.
When I a fat
and bean-fed horse beguile.
In very likeness
of a roasted crab,
and when she drinks,
against her lips I bob.
O me. You juggler,
you cankerblossom,
you thief of love.
What have you...
come by--
Have you come by night
and stolen my love's heart
from him?
Fine, i' faith.
Have you no modesty?
No maiden shame?
No touch of bashfulness?
What, will ye tear impatient
answers from my gentle tongue?
Fie, fie,
you counterfeit,
you puppet, you!
Puppet.
Am I puppet?
- Why so?
- Er...
Ay that way goes the--
"Puppet"? Why so?
Ay, that way goes the game.
Now I perceive that
she hath made compare
between our statures.
You were actually so good.
- You're so good, too.
- I'm shit. You're better.
It's impossible.
We're exactly the same.
It's a shit play.
We don't have
to do a shit play.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know I was bad.
It's OK.
What's the point of being
good at something shit?
Yeah...
It's fake anyway.
We're doing it for real.
They're not red,
but they'll do.
Are we even
allowed to cut these?
It's so sad, isn't it?
Yeah. So sad.
I heard he killed her
less than 200 yards away.
Yeah, I heard that.
It's so sad.
I don't really know what to do
when I think of all that.
Sorry little Evelyn Bush.
Now I don't hardly know her
But I think I could love her
Crimson and Clover...
Wait, what are you doing? You
can't just knock on the door.
What but so--
What am I allowed to do?
What happens now?
I dunno.
How do you feel?
I feel kind of sexy.
And I'm scared.
Me too.
I think my heart's
beating really fast.
Is it really fast?
I can just feel top.
You're so funny.
When?
Thank you--
I didn't mean to be.
But that's good, I guess.
Oh, you-- you look properly
excited for the first time.
Not-- not just scared, I mean.
All right. Yeah.
See?
We're both good at this.
What?
Sorry, that's awful.
I'm not even shit Helena.
That's, like, not good at all.
I'm not even shit-ugly Helena.
That's not even
really worth doing.
Should I go and
talk to the teacher.
I don't know
if you can do that.
- Can you talk to the teacher?
- Er...
I don't know.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
This is shit for me!
Oh my God. I'm in the play!
I'm a tree.
I'm a tree-slash-mound.
I'm a tree-slash-mound!
- I just...
- What?
What?
I just don't think my audition was
Titania-to-tree amount worse than yours.
I just don't. I don't.
Do things just sound better
coming out of your mouth?
Do I have a shit mouth?
Are we actually gonna do it?
It'll really impress Miss Delavigne
seeing us up there.
I'm a mound, Minna.
I'm a shit, shit,
shit, shit mound.
I'm disappointed too.
I'm not a lover either.
I'm just Queen of the Fairies.
I'm gonna kill myself.
Sorry.
Your light should be off!
Do I not get to do it just
because you're not doing it?
I'm a bit offended
you're OK to jeopardise
my Oxbridge application
just 'cause you're a mound.
Sorry.
Sorry.
You'll be amazing at mound.
Are they in there?
- Have a look.
- OK.
- Are you nervous?
- What? No.
I just remembered that
historically,
boys make my jaw lock.
Is that gonna be a problem?
Are you nervous?
No.
Don't have lines
to remember, do I?
Is there a cat somewhere?
I've gone a bit cat.
Are you annoyed with me?
What do we do
if they look at us?
If they look at us,
they look at us.
They're gonna look at us.
That's what boys do.
You just have to ignore it.
That's what we do.
No, I'm fine.
I'm actually so fine.
OK, girls, in you come.
Minna.
Flic.
Phoebe.
Jessica.
Emily.
Minna.
Flic.
Phoebe.
OK, OK. Can
we please start actually
integrating the names
we need to learn in there?
Hmm?
Minna.
Oh, no, sorry.
You're a girl. You're a girl.
Can I change my face?
Do you think
something's gonna, like...
like, happen?
Are you insane?
Minna's not thick.
Things always happen
between men and women.
We're not women. And they're
definitely not men yet.
They only get parts because
they have loud voices.
They turn up, they speak, they
put their hands on their hips
and everyone goes nuts.
There's definitely been
a cat in here at some point.
Do you think I should
have got a better part?
Like, my audition was OK,
wasn't it?
Why'd I get a pretend part?
I'm just happy
I got in at all.
'Cause I'm shit.
I'm the shittest
in the whole year.
No, you're not.
I'm not.
I'm not shit
so neither are you.
Actually,
let's have you a bit closer.
Closer together...
OK. Can we have
the mounds in, please?
Trees and mounds in.
You were so good.
Oh, thanks.
Demetrius is quite bad
at text, I thought,
and Bottom isn't funny enough.
And Lysander
literally sounds like
he's got peanut butter
on the roof of his mouth.
Oh my God, yeah. Yeah.
And Oberon
just stands there like:
Oh God...
Well, he only got Oberon
'cause he looks like that.
Like what?
I don't know.
You'd be a much
better Oberon.
Do you think?
God, maybe I should
learn his lines
in case he, like,
dies or something.
So annoying there's
boys this year.
Tree-slash-mound
isn't gonna impress
any admissions officer.
You're a scholarship girl,
though,
so you're already impressive.
Erm, was I good?
Oh... Yeah.
You were literally so good.
You were so good.
So that's chapter 14
by Thursday,
we're thinking about the questions
at the bottom of the page.
That's it.
Thank you.
Erm, we're in the play, miss.
Are you?
Yeah... She's Titania.
That's a good part.
Do you like Shakespeare?
Yeah, do you have
Shakespeare in New Zealand?
Yes, Minna,
we do have Shakespeare.
Will you come
and see us in it?
Erm, yes, of course.
It's the summer play.
So what about you, Flic?
Who are you playing?
Oh, no, I'm just a tree.
I wish Titania fell in love
with a tree, not a donkey.
I can't even put it on
me personal statement.
Hey.
Back home I was a...
television in my school play.
So what are you-- C'mon--
I feel a bit weird now.
Like, maybe I'm in the lead.
When am I gonna get looked at?
Don't worry, I'll look at you.
No, that's not the same.
No, stop it.
That's weird.
Oh... 'kay.
Sorry.
We should learn every single
thing about New Zealand next.
I've got a lot of lines
to learn, too, remember?
Oh... yeah.
I can always read and, like,
tell you the important stuff.
Yeah, you do the play
and I'll do New Zealand.
Then we've got
all bases covered.
You know,
stuff's happening to me, too.
It's not just you...
you know.
How canst thou
thus for shame, Titania,
glance at my credit
with Hippolyta,
knowing I know
thy love to Theseus?
- Didst--
- Titania! Titania, sorry.
You do need to actually
glance at him
if he's talking about
you glancing at him.
Sorry. I'm sorry, miss.
I'm just looking at my lines,
but I will.
Well,
actually, miss, the text is
"How canst thou
glance at my credit?"
It's not glance at me.
He's not referring
to her glancing at him.
It's not literal.
OK, fine.
But she should be glancing
at her husband-slash-king
of the fairies,
from time to time.
I don't know.
Titania's sick of Oberon
at this point.
I think what she's
doing works. It's good.
She's making it
hard for Oberon.
It's how the scene's
supposed to be.
Fine. On you go.
Didst thou not lead him
through the glimmering
night from Perigouna...
Oh my God.
Boys are crazy.
...with fair Aegles
break his faith,
with Ariadne and Antiopa?
Boys are so rude.
They shouldn't be allowed
in our school.
Why don't you imagine
he's Miss Delavigne
when you look at him?
What? Why?
If you're finding it hard.
Are you saying I'm really bad?
What? No, no--
Acting's really hard,
actually.
I just meant you have
to pretend to be in love
with a boy and then a donkey.
And not just a donkey,
but a shit donkey
who's actually a shit boy.
It's, like...
literally the hardest thing
in the entire world.
Right. Yeah.
Thank you, it is hard.
Anyway, I'm doing the scene
how it's supposed to be.
Are you a fridge?
What?
We're just doing survey.
Are you?
No.
What is a fridge, though?
It means you
haven't got with a boy.
That's right. Right?
Yeah...? Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not a fridge then.
No, you're not.
I mean, you are.
No, you're not.
I mean, you are.
What?
I'm friends with boys now,
in the play.
That's something.
No, it's not, is it?
Oh for God's
sake, they're just boys.
Can everyone stop being
so weird about it?
Fridge.
Are they, like,
bullying us or something?
No.
I'm fucking Titania.
Can I sit here?
OK, but I can't talk to you,
Phoebe.
I've got loads to worry about.
Did you hear about
Oberon's non-uniform jacket?
It's brown.
We're all saying that--
Sorry.
Are we supposed
to be doing New Zealand?
Did I miss something?
God, stop copying.
You need to not try so hard.
How do you not try hard?
If someone's not interested,
you have to be more
not interested.
I got my boyf
by going out with his friend.
I got his friend
by going out with his friend.
And I got him by going out
with his friend before that.
Who was actually
my boyf now.
But that was before
my boyf now got fit, so...
It's all gone in a circle
and it's all worked out
really well.
So...
just tell Minna to start
getting with the short one
and then the tall one
will want her.
What?
That is what we're
talking about, isn't it?
What?
No, I was being hypothetical.
Sure.
Minna doesn't like Oberon.
He makes her want to die.
Grafton girls are so dumb for
people who are supposed to be
the smartest girls
in the North or whatever.
Shut up.
She doesn't.
Oh my God.
Do you like him or something?
No! No, I don't
and she doesn't.
Just cause you're a...
fucking, fucking whore
and want to get with everyone
doesn't mean everyone else
wants to ruin their education.
Hello, Flic.
Hi.
Erm... Why are you
standing on your own?
Shouldn't you be at... lunch?
Sorry, miss.
Hmm.
Did you know New Zealand
has more flightless birds
than anywhere in the world?
- What?
- Apparently it's 'cause
there weren't mammal predators
before humans came along.
And so they could, like,
hang out on the ground.
And it was fine.
I like New Zealand.
I think I want to do the big
settlements essay on it.
Oh, erm...
Sorry. Is that allowed
or is it too far away?
Is everything OK, Flic?
I feel like a mound.
Oh, Flic.
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm fine.
I know I'm really lucky
to be here--
No, no, it's OK, Flic.
You've every right to be here.
Do you want to talk?
And the place names are mad.
Brightness Gully,
Desolation Creek.
Actually,
that one's a bit sad,
but I still like it.
Sorry. You're not like from
Desolation Creek, are you?
No.
Oh, 'kay. Sorry.
It just seems like the most
amazing, coolest place ever.
Mhm. It's a fascinating
country, Aotearoa.
Land of the long white cloud.
Couldn't even begin to cover
it in a whole term with you.
It's not all in the books,
you know.
What's happened there
to the people...
Oh right.
But we've talked about
that in geography, haven't we?
Studying the land
is only the first part.
Then you bring
the people into it.
Do you have, like, a name
from New Zealand, then?
Oh, erm...
Rosalind.
Rosalind.
Hmm. You've--
you've really lit up, Flic.
Really?
Yes. Have you thought
about your A-level options?
I mean, even university,
it's probably
a bit early for that.
Cambridge
doesn't do geography.
Well, er, I think you'd
enjoy geography. And...
Cambridge
is probably miserable.
Oh, OK.
I'll think about it. Thanks.
Er, are you a fridge,
Rosalind?
What's that? A fridge?
Never mind. Sorry.
I just thought you might be.
OK, then.
- Oh, God.
- What?
- What?
- I've got something
I have to tell you,
but don't know how.
What? What is it?
I think
I've gotten ahead again.
What?
She told me I'm really good
at geography.
That maybe
I should do it at university.
I just think you've maybe
been a bit distracted.
Oh. OK.
Anyway,
I just wanted to tell you.
Sorry.
I feel so much better
now I've told you.
She's called Rosalind,
by the way.
I don't know why everyone gets
so excited about half term.
No. Must be annoying
to have to go home
when all your stuff is here.
And the library's here.
- How do they even revise?
- Yeah.
Everyone always
comes back so slow.
Takes them like a week to get
back into the swing of school.
No one comes
to pick her up either.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry your parents
are in Munich.
I'm sorry
your mum's in Harrogate.
Do you want to cry?
No.
We're the lucky ones,
you know.
Yeah. Yep.
I think I dreamt about her.
Me too.
D'you think we'll get
to talk to her today?
Yeah.
I...
I know this is bad, but...
I don't even want
to do the play sometimes.
I just want to quit everything
and do lacrosse
with you again.
And win.
I'd like to win again.
Well, I don't even
want to win. I just...
Want to float.
Can we float?
It's OK. I know
it's getting harder.
But remember,
we've got each other.
Just remember
we've got each other.
When we're at Oxbridge,
we'll live like this.
Yeah.
We just have to not get
distracted or we'll wreck it.
I know. I know.
I do know that. I do.
It was pretty bright up on
the rainbow brace tonight
I could see into your window
Although you're far away...
I think she's wearing makeup.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Something's happening.
Oh, my God.
...If he is up for
What you have in mind
If he is up for
What you have in mind
Change is on the cards
But this time it will be hard
I never want to leave you
We've never had a fight
You should
never split a pole
You should never
split at all
I wish I had two paths
I could follow
I'd write the ending
Without any sorrow...
Minna!
What is it?
She needs to come here.
- Why?
- Seen this in a book.
Which one?
Miss Delavigne?
Yes, Flic?
What have you found?
Oh, that's...
It's "aba-lown",
isn't it?
"Abalon-ee".
- Yes, but we call it pua.
- Pua.
It's made from shells
from New Zealand.
Yes.
It's so pretty.
It's actually really
precious and has lots
of meanings for people.
European settlers didn't like
the taste of what was inside.
But they liked the shells
so they took loads.
It doesn't say that there.
I read that.
Now they're endangered.
That's right, Flic.
Hmm.
You know, my grandmother
had pieces just like this.
She loved it.
I remember you'd hug her
and it'd feel all...
cold up your neck.
Oh, she had a brooch
just like that.
Oh, she gave that
brooch to me, didn't she?
Could we see it,
Miss Delavigne?
I don't know...
where it is.
Do you have pictures of her?
Could we come to your cabin
and see them?
Sorry, I don't know--
It's so stupid...
Can we come and see them,
Rosalind?
Erm...
I-- I'll-- I'll, erm...
bring them to geography.
That was amazing.
Yeah...
she's obsessed with us.
They're amazing. I thought
about them all half term.
OK,
all support cast now, please.
Why art thou here?
Come from the farthest
steppe of India.
But that, forsooth,
the bouncing Amazon,
your bust mistress...
Who are you in love with?
What? No one.
Really?
I'm in love
with almost all of them.
You sound really
slutty when you say that.
What are we gonna do now
we've held her hand?
We have to do something.
We're, like, so close to
getting invited to the cabin.
Minna.
Minna?
Minna.
Can you think of it?
Sorry, I wasted so much time
in half term,
and I don't
even know my lines.
Don't forget Miss Delavigne
now we're back.
We held her hand.
What more do you want?
I mean, actually,
I held her hand.
You only got to because I did.
Sure. Thanks.
This was your idea.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yes, it was.
I didn't plan to fall in love
until I was 25.
Oh, my God.
You're being loud.
Why are you being weird?
I'm trying to help.
Like, I didn't
want to say anything,
but Rosalind doesn't
even like you that much.
I've been doing all the work.
You've barely done anything.
She wouldn't have even
wanted to hold our hand
if it wasn't for me.
And she touched me on the arm
way before we held hands.
And I didn't even
tell you that part--
Oh my God. Shut up.
But--
You have to stop going on
about Miss Delavigne.
I don't understand.
Don't you love her anymore?
Of course I don't love her.
What...?
Stop going on about her.
It's fucking weird.
This was just a game
and we have to stop playing
now that real things
are happening.
No, no.
But I don't like her.
She's weird and ugly
and sad and all crying
about a fucking badge.
It's-- It's a brooch.
So?
She's been
a complete waste of time.
No, I don't love her.
I don't even like her.
I don't love her at all.
Hi.
I'm really sorry.
It's OK.
You were right.
That was practise.
- What?
- Let's do something real.
If we're gonna do it,
we're gonna do it for real,
with boys.
We're gonna, like, find one
and, like, sit him down
and, like, get with him.
But we...
But we hate them, don't we?
No. I'm sick of being
a little kid. I'm not a kid.
I'm not a kid. I'm supposed
to be a fucking genius.
So we're doing that, then?
You want to do that?
Yeah. Together.
You're not gonna get, like,
scared or something
if we do that?
No.
We do it together.
At the same time.
Go to that cool bit of
the canal and we do it there.
Right.
Great.
Great, great.
Great.
Thy
threats have no more strength
than her weak...
Oh my God, they're just there.
Hello.
Hello ladies.
Can you help us down?
- Ah, there you go.
- Thanks.
Can one of you help Flic?
Oh.
Come on, let's go.
Minna...
- Will Clare Deacon be there?
- No.
What? That's where
she does her stuff.
Come on lovers, hath no fear.
Oh, thanks.
- Don't fall.
- Oh, my God.
- Don't fall, don't fall!
- He's going, he's going!
Ohhhhh!
Don't fall! Don't fall!
Don't fall!
No, no, no, drat, drat, drat!
No, drat, drat, no!
Fuck, fuck, stop screaming!
- Minna!
- Stop screaming!
- Trot along, mate.
- Oh, God.
Come on, mate.
One at a time.
Steady.
Come on, man.
Drat, drat, oh drat!
You're a bellend.
You're a little bitch!
Fuck off J-- J-Jeb.
All right, all right.
Calm down. We have guests.
S-- so, if you had
a crazy golf course,
what would you do
to make it crazy?
What?
Sorry, I thought that
was a good question...
for the group.
Well!
This is fun.
So you're like
a proper actor, then?
I mean,
that's the plan, I guess.
If the universe will have me.
When I did Prospero,
our teacher gave us
some really insightful notes.
Really?
I guess your school doesn't do
a lot of proper productions?
No, not really, no.
Sometimes I don't think your
teacher's that good on text.
Do you think
you're good at acting?
We're playing the main part.
Do you think you deserve them?
What part
are you playing again?
I'm gonna get better stones.
Who wants to come with me?
Come on.
Someone go with her.
For God's sake.
I'll go.
There we go.
How lovely.
Thank God.
Ooh. Is the donkey
gonna get off with a mound?
She always like that?
Yeah. No. Sort of.
I don't know.
Go on,
get that mound.
Aren't you gonna,
like, hold out your hand?
Donkey and
the mound sitting in a tree...
F, U, C, K, I, N, G!
That was mean.
Go on my son!
Watch out,
he's gonna pounce!
Why aren't you doing anything?
Have you even ever
got with anyone?
Yes.
Have you?
Yes.
You guys having fun
over there?
No.
You're a fridge, aren't you?
No.
You're the mound,
remember?
Why would anyone
want to go with you?
- Alright?
- Yeah.
Oh, come on, then.
Come on.
Have that!
- I hit you on that one.
- Come on, man.
All right. Woah!
Missed me that time.
I hit you then.
Come on, admit it.
Come on, Flic,
are you going to join in?
Come on. You're on his side.
Come on.
- You bellend.
- Woah!
That's cheating!
Come on, man.
Come on.
Oh, yeah?
Ahhhh!
Oh, fuck!
Are you all right?
Mate,
what the fuck are you doing?
- Can someone call my mum?
- Come on.
Do you want me
to come down and help?
How romantic!
Right, I know
this is all a bit unexpected,
but can we please
be adults about it?
Minna, you do actually have
to be looking at each other.
This is love at first sight.
There has to be sight.
So, look at Bottom.
And Titania says...
Oh, how I love
thee. How I dote on thee.
Do I have to choose?
No, you have to stay with me.
We're the mounds.
You're not a mound anymore.
Yeah, I am.
Just don't tell anyone.
You're
a way better Bottom.
I'm so glad
he broke his leg.
Like, maybe he
was a bit of a twat.
Oh, my God. Is that so mean
that I just said that?
Hang on. I think
I'm going mad or something.
Am I thick or something?
Am I really, really bad?
I just hate them.
I just hate them.
You know, I probably
shouldn't say this, but...
I'd rather be like you
than her.
You're the best girl
in the whole school.
We're just doing
a survey. Have you ever--
No.
Miss Delavigne?
Yes, Flic?
I really enjoyed
doing that essay.
I can tell it was
very well researched.
A little more than I...
expected.
Very good, Flic.
Thanks so much.
How useful is a source?
And what can a source
tell us?
And how can we verify
its accuracy?
Miss Delavigne,
have you got a minute?
Yes, Flic?
Do you have those pictures
of your grandmother, then?
Sorry?
And maybe pictures
of where you grew up?
Oh, erm...
Yes. In my... cabin.
Can I come and see them, then?
Maybe I could come for tea
and we could look at it.
We could do
some extra geography
and look at all your photos
and keep, like,
talking about New Zealand.
Well, erm, OK, then.
It's lovely you've taken
such an active interest
in geography.
Feeling lost and
I don't wanna be here
Burning up
inside the atmosphere
If I should spread my wings
I could fly away
But I don't wanna stay
up here all night
And if you take my hand
You could take command
Can't you hear me calling
I'm falling
Won't you take my hand?
Won't you understand...
What are you doing, Flic?
The project. Obvs.
Are you going in the cabin?
Yeah.
Are you seriously going
in the cabin?
Yes. In the cabin.
I got invited to the cabin.
Am I coming?
Only it was sort of my idea.
And it's a bit crap of you to
go off and do it without me.
- Well, you got distracted.
- Well, I'm here now.
You were slagging about
all over that lot.
I'm here now.
If you're gonna come, you have to give me
your scrunchie.
What are we gonna do
when we're in there?
I don't know.
Not geography.
Are you nervous?
Oh, Minna?
- Minna came.
- I wanted to see, too.
I love geography, too.
Oh... Yes, that's great.
Lovely.
Erm, come in, come in.
Sh-- shoes off.
That's OK.
Let's just get this all...
Ready.
And, erm...
It's lovely to have someone
take an interest.
You can see the, erm...
jewellery's all over her,
can't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
She looks like ya.
Oh, you think so?
That's good.
She's beautiful.
Did you know her?
Er...
Not really.
I thought, erm,
she was a bit scary.
I guess I'm
a bit disappointed
in myself for that now.
Did she ever visit you here?
Oh, erm, no. God knows
she wouldn't ever come here.
- So who's--
- What about your grandad?
No.
No, erm...
I don't think
they had a very
- happy sort of marriage--
- I hate boys.
Where are you in these?
Oh...
Well, these are...
mostly of
my fam-- family, but...
Oh, well...
if you see
a little shrub on legs...
erm, next to her brother,
that's a little, er...
me.
- There she is.
- Little shrub.
So sweet.
Hmm.
It's fine if we call
you Rosalind, isn't it?
That's your name, isn't it?
Rosalind?
What is it, you two?
What is it you want?
Gracious!
Gracious... Gracious.
Gracious, oh...
Oh, Minna you have to go. Now.
Flic, you go too.
Now.
Get out!
Minna, was it fantastic?
Minna? Was it?
Tell me.
Minna?
Minna!
O most courageous day!
O most happy hour!
Let us hear, sweet Bottom.
Let us hear, sweet Bottom.
Let us hear, sweet Bottom!
I have...
I've had a most rare vision.
Methought I was...
There is no man can tell what.
Be as thou wast want to be.
And see as thou
wast want to see.
My Oberon!
What visions I have seen.
Methought I was
enamoured of an ass.
How mine eyes do loathe
his visage now...
- Come, my lord.
- Come, my queen.
Take hands with me
and rock the ground
whereon these sleepers be.
Flic.
Are you OK?
You were really good.
No, I wasn't.
Why are you talking to me?
Will you go out with me?
No, I don't have time.
OK, fine.
Sorry.
You can kiss me, though.
We can get that out the way.
Can I tell people?
Rosalind!
It was me, wasn't it?
Wasn't it me?
Apparently, our new
geography teacher's a man.
Isn't that crazy?
It's sad, isn't it?
She's quitting lacrosse
this year.
Did you know?
All things
bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God made them all
Each little flow'r that opens
Each little bird that sings
He made their glowing colours
He made their tiny wings
All things
bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
Hi.
Hi.
How was summer?
We went to Lanzarote.
That's amazing.
It was.
It was crazy.
You?
I'm really sorry.
What? Why?
The project.
Everything went wrong.
I'm sorry.
That doesn't matter.
It was your idea anyway.
That was all so sad.
Are you--
Are-- are you going out
with Oberon, then?
Oberon?
Oh my God.
No. No.
I hate boys.
I hated doing that play.
I hated them.
Oh.
Adam's in sixth form.
What about exams?
Oh my God, Flic.
You're so funny.
Forgot how funny you are.
I'm really sorry,
and I know it's weird maybe
to do this now in September
'cause there's not a natural
term break or anything, but...
just checking you know
we're not best friends now.
Oh.
I would have done anything
in the whole world for...
Erm, you know...
you.
It's exam year,
and I'm a prefect now, and...
you're kind of distracting.
So...
Yeah, so...
I mean...
I mean, OK.
I don't mind.
OK. Thank you.