Faith Heist: A Christmas Caper (2022) Movie Script
1
Whoa!
Augh!
Whoa, whoa...
Hold up!
Now, you may be wondering
how Santa got his hands
caught in the cookie jar.
Well, let's just say
this wasn't my first heist.
Put the money in the bag!
But before you start judging,
you should know:
I'm a man of God.
People know me as
Reverend Benjamin Wright.
That's right, Reverend,
and I love my congregation.
Can I get an amen?
Amen!
So when
a con man financial adviser
tricked the church
out of all of its money
and forced it to close,
I knew I had to find
a way to get it back.
Luckily, some people
in the community...
We call ourselves
the Lean On Me Group...
Felt the same way I did.
We got no choice
but to steal it back!
We pulled off a faith heist,
and I was their
spiritual adviser.
Nas was our hacker.
Jack, our gadget man.
His daughter Skipper provided
the necessary gymnastics.
Marge was our getaway driver.
Let's go, y'all!
Clock's ticking!
And Gabs...
took care of the security guard.
I got jumped
while I was doing my rounds.
Now, I don't
want to spoil the entire story
for you, so let's just say
the church stayed open
and the false prophet went
from con man to convict.
So when the group and I
volunteered at the mall
to raise money for charity,
we really did think our
thieving days were behind us.
You alright in there, baby?
You look.
Benjamin, I just peed on it!
Uh, excuse you!
I guess
I'm just... nervous!
I know, me too.
- A little bit nervous.
- Me too.
Wait, something's happening.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
But we'll get there.
And until then...
practice makes perfect.
Oh!
Oh, choir bus is here.
Now remember,
our last performance is upstate,
but I'm making sure we're back
by Christmas morning.
Mm-hm?
Tour manager's gonna
end up on my naughty list
if she's wrong about that.
Oh, well she
better be on it either way.
- Bye, baby.
- Bye, baby.
Thank God.
Hey...
I can't wait for Christmas
That's a very, very long time
'Cause what I really
want to give you
Is a big old piece of my mind
Let the beat drop!
Hey!
I can't wait for Christmas
Hey!
I can't wait
I can't wait for Christmas
There's too many days to go
'Cause there's something
that you need to know
And I'm the one
that's gonna tell you so
Let the beat drop!
Hey!
I said I can't
wait for Christmas
Hey!
I can't wait...
I can't wait for Christmas!
No, no, no!
I love the smell
of gingerbread in the morning!
I can't wait for Christmas!
Jack, what's our current status?
DEFCON 3 French hens, sir!
It's almost fully operational.
- Just the train's horn needs...
- Gabs!
Cooking report?
I can't wait for Christmas!
It's my own secret recipe.
Woo-hoo!
Mmm!
Jiminy Christmas!
You know, we have to protect
our secrets at all costs.
Mm-hm!
So do not let this one out!
Nas, intel brief.
Uh, well, we have
the Christmas candy land,
the snowman sled hill,
and my personal favourite,
Drake's winter home in Aspen.
That's a nice one.
Skipper, how are those
Clippety-Clop formations?
Popped and locked, sir.
And it's TikTok,
not Clippety-Clop.
That's what I said.
TipPop.
Anyway...
It looks perfect.
Alright, let me see.
Wow, you got some serious moves.
Aah...
Ahh...
Ah, how about some
daddy-daughter dances?
Definitely not.
Even if it's
the Elf on the Shelf-le?
- Dad...
- What is that?
- Come on!
- Dad...
- The Elf on the Shelfle!
- No, no, Dad!
- Oh, come on.
- No!
There's an... elf
on the shelf, on the shelf,
on the shelf, up all night,
up all night, up all night!
There's an elf on the shelf,
on the shelf, on the shelf,
- up all night!
- Okay, Dad, Dad!
Stop it!
You are so embarrassing.
You used to like this
when you were a little girl.
Yeah, well, I'm 17 now.
Well...
Maybe we do have something here.
#Cringemas.
Oh, heavenly manger!
Freaky deaky!
Someone steal those batteries.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jack!
Bad-looking tree at one o'clock.
Oh, already locked
and loaded with holiday cheer.
Yeah, as soon as I check
the propulsion gauge.
Mr. Kringle, sir,
there's no time!
I just took a peek outside...
We're completely surrounded!
Hey-hey-hey!
It's go-ho-ho time!
This is what we're
trained for, people.
Nas, Skipper, open the doors!
Time to raise some money
for the children's hospital.
Okay,
I gotta get the star ready.
Oh, I was born ready.
You don't have to tell me twice.
I'm talking about that one, Rev.
Aww, yeah!
The Christmas Star.
Gets me every time.
Welcome to Santa's Village.
- Enjoy!
- Welcome, guys.
A shoutout to
a jeweller's generosity,
loaning us this
brilliant curiosity.
A spectacle surpassing
expectations,
while adding sparkle
to our Christmas celebrations.
And while y'all are here
for this photo opportunity,
we get the gift
of seeing our community!
Because when you...
Take one step
closer to that star, Santa,
and the only thing you're
gonna want for Christmas
is your two front teeth.
Well, that wasn't very merry.
But thank you
for letting me know.
Okay, enjoy!
Over here!
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey...
Hey!
Oh...
He's like Dasher, Dancer,
Comet, and Prancer all in one!
Hey, uh,
we're gonna go on break.
Already?
And miss all the...
all the fun?
- Oh...
- Okay, go see your mom.
Look, it's only been 30 minutes.
The kids out there are counting
on you and so are we, so...
- Hey, Rev.
- Hey, Nas.
Um, remember how you said
if we ever need anything
we can come to you?
Uh, Jack, we got
more people coming in.
I kind of need
some fatherly advice.
Just hold on a sec.
We're falling behind.
Oh, who's next?
- Catch you later?
- Hope so.
Oh, Nas?
Nas, hold up!
Ugh!
You're a big boy, aren't you?
Almost didn't recognize
you without the Jheri curl wig.
I...
I don't know
what you're talking about.
So...
young man...
what would you
like for Christmas?
Justice.
I'll know when you're sleeping.
I'll know when you're awake.
I'll know if you've been
bad or good, so don't...
- make...
- a mistake.
Ah!
Oh...
You put my leg into a coma!
Ahh!
Maybe it is time for a break.
Okay, let's take ten!
Thank you for shopping here.
Hey, excuse me, Nas?
When you wrap things up
in Santa's Village,
can I run something by you
in the office?
Yeah, I'm just...
I'll meet you there in five.
Okay, thanks!
Miss Mall Manager!
Nice to see you.
Mr. Kris Kringle, how
are things in the North Pole?
Oh, so far, so good.
I mean, we're so grateful
for the community
lending us everything we needed,
but the icing on top
is that exquisite star above!
It really brings in the people.
I mean,
one lady drove three hours
just to catch
a glimpse of it in person.
Can you believe that?
I can't thank you enough
for arranging that.
I'm just glad it's helping.
Although I do
have one question, Marge.
That guy?
Come on!
Hey now, we did a good thing
by taking down a con man,
but Randy didn't know that
he was working for a criminal.
All he knew is that one day
he was out of a job.
Just felt like the right thing.
And with this place?
Oof...
It's like an opportunity
for new beginnings.
- Everybody deserves that.
- Hmm!
You're a good woman, Marge.
If you catch me
on the right day!
Now, I have an issue with you.
Okay!
As much as I love
all of these decorations,
- why all the fog machines?
- Oh, okay.
Don't see them
as the fog machines
they are now,
but as the snow machines
they will be
once Jack gets his hands
on some liquid nitrogen...
which I promise
I will not let happen.
Mm-hm.
Santa, let's use
this break to spread the Gospel!
Oh, come visit Santa's Village
and see the Christmas Star.
All proceeds go to
the Children's Hospital,
a wonderful local charity.
No rest for the cheery.
Or the Christmas puns.
- Later, Rev!
- Alright, later.
Hey, slow down, Gabs!
You know this suit
adds ten pounds.
This place sure
ain't what it used to be.
That right there was
once a Woolworth's,
but they went out of business.
Probably because
no one buys wool anymore.
You know, it's sad
because I really like sheep.
Kids want Santa
passing out presents,
not passing out
in their presence.
Oh, please.
Kids will like you
no matter what you do.
You know, I'm surprised
you're not a dad already
considering you're
so good with them.
- You really think so?
- Absolutely!
They just love bouncing on
that big, old Santa belly.
Well, I feel like that
last comment was unnecessary,
but I appreciate the support.
Oh, and that used to be
a McSorley Sporting Goods.
Funny story about McSorley's...
Since it's
Christmas Eve tomorrow,
and we don't have
any overnight guards,
the jewelry company's
insisted on this
state-of-the-art safe
for the Christmas Star,
and I just don't get it.
Yeah, well that's
'cause it's state-of-the-art.
You have to sync it directly
to your system here.
That's how you get
the combination,
which changes, like,
every ten seconds.
See, with these
types of systems,
the security is so high that...
There she is!
I have been meaning to call you!
Come here, you.
Nas, this is Don Partridge.
He's really the one who helped
us get the Christmas Star.
Oh, come on,
I just put in a good word
with my uncle.
After all, it's his business.
It's his decision.
And I'm saying
thank you, so take it.
Okay!
Well, I did know the Children's
Hospital once helped his boy,
so maybe I did lean
into the whole
raising money
for the charity thing.
Okay, and how do
you two know each other?
Uh...
anger management.
I was gonna say
we took a course together,
but y'all know about me.
Yeah, I remember.
- You got mad at some driver and...
- And things escalated.
Boring story.
Well, that story actually
ends with a busted side mirror,
a restraining order,
and a suspended license
for a year and a half.
And a mandatory class
where I discovered
that my trigger is ding-dongs
who use the passing lane
to take their sweet, old time.
But it's all good!
I found this job
that I could walk to,
- so all that could be avoided.
- There you go.
And what about you,
Mr. Partridge?
What's that, anger management?
Well, I'm not proud of it,
but I guess I got so mad
waiting in line at the bank,
robbing it just seemed faster.
- It wasn't.
- No, it wasn't.
And give years later,
I was released,
and as a condition of my parole
I had to attend classes
with this lovely lady.
And now look at you:
Marge in charge!
I can't believe you own a mall.
I'm just the manager, please.
But I am helping my boss find
some investors who'd be willing
to take this place
off of his hands.
Then I'm gonna spin that
into an even better job.
You got to make
your own opportunities.
It's true.
Nobody's giving you
what you want,
you just gotta take it.
That's not quite
what I'm saying.
I-I think I'm
just gonna head back.
The manual is just right here.
You can take a look at that.
Thanks, Nas.
For your help.
Nice to meet you, Nas.
That guy is pretty hardcore.
Oh, yeah.
You know, my uncle makes sure
all Himmel security are trained
by the Israeli Secret Service.
- Ah!
- No joke!
Yeah, nobody is stealing
anything on his watch.
Let's maintain
a parameter, people.
Hey, Mom, I'm gonna
have to ask you
to keep your eye
on this one, okay?
I just don't like the vibe
I'm getting from her.
- Me?
- Yeah, you.
I got an eye on you, buddy.
Um... okay.
What?
Oh...
Up all night, up all night...
You postedthis?
Thanks!
A lot.
Ugh!
Up all night,
up all night, up all night!
There's an elf on the shelf...
A hundred thousand views.
Oh, is that good?
My life is over!
Kids.
Am I right?
Hey, you know, maybe it's
time I get on the social medias.
Could be a way to find
investors for my inventions.
Some funny business
going on around here.
Someone pretending to be
something he's not.
You catch my drift?
I don't believe
that guy in there is
who he says he is.
You know,
if your parents never told you
the truth about Santa, I just...
don't think
I should be the one to.
The name's Chilly.
Short for Chilly Willy.
Coolio!
No, no one calls me Coolio.
Oh, I just... just
meant it's cool, you know?
- Your name's cool.
- No, my name is Chilly.
Right.
Oh, and Chilly's
packing some heat!
Yeah.
- Yeah, you like that?
- Yeah.
That's a million
bucks right there,
so anyone gets close to it,
they are gettin' iced!
Wow.
What about you?
You carry a piece?
No, just two of these.
Scissors beats paper.
You got me this time, buddy!
- No, it's Chilly.
- Yeah, Chilly, right.
And, uh... I'm Randy.
Randy.
Dandy Randy!
It's a pleasure.
Not a shortcut to
the food court.
Should have read the sign.
"Alarm sounds."
At least we know
the security system works.
Well,
it was great to see you, Marge.
I gotta bounce.
Thanks again,
and happy holidays.
- See you soon.
- Alright.
Good news.
I already lined up a buyer
for the Christmas Star.
So, in 24 hours we'll be
escaping out the sewer tunnels.
In 36, we'll be soaking up
some rays on an island,
one million dollars richer.
And anyone tries to
stop us, they get smoked!
Like a holiday ham.
Oh, I love the holidays!
Oh...
Okay, everybody
look over here, look over here!
Three, two, one, woo!
And Mom's gone gluten-free,
so seriously,
you should
just skip our cookies.
Okay!
Alright.
Merry Christmas!
Oh, something up, Rev?
Okay.
Could you give me a second,
folks?
Talk to me.
Alright, but it
involves a painful confession.
Me and Vanessa,
we're trying to conceive.
Oh, that... that's great!
Oh.
Well you know, give it time.
That's the problem.
You know, we got
a negative test this morning
and I almost cried for joy.
Oh...
I'm scared, Jack.
I mean, my dad was my hero.
The best dad ever.
How can I possibly
live up to that?
So, I get to thinking
that maybe...
maybe it's better I'm not a dad
than spend the rest
of my life failing at it.
Hey, Rev, I need
some guy/girl advice,
and I don't know who to talk to,
and now she's mad at me,
and I just...
The kid comes, right?
Wanting help and advice,
wanting me to solve
all the problems.
And I can't, I get blamed,
for everything.
Maybe I don't want that.
You know, maybe I just
want to say, "No, thanks."
Oh, hey, Nas!
You need something?
No, nothing at all.
I used to have this
father figure thing going on
with Nas, and he's just
taking off on me lately.
No wonder why
I'm doubting myself.
But you know,
if I could connect with him,
maybe I'd feel like
I got what it takes.
The
Peachfield Mall is now closed.
Only one more day
before Christmas,
so come on back tomorrow, and we
thank you for shopping with us.
Alright, y'all.
Good work.
And if anybody needs to hitch
a ride, sleigh leaves in 15.
Need a hand there, Jack?
No, all good.
Maybe we'll raise
more money tomorrow.
We had crowds all day,
and still barely raised
any money for the charity.
I don't even
know if I deserve the red suit.
It's not you, hun.
People want to give,
it's just... I think
times are tough all around.
Yeah, I know.
I'm just missing you, V.
So, how is life on tour?
Oh, tiring.
Five shows,
four different churches.
And I've been feeling
nauseous all night.
Nauseous?
There's this
seafood joint downstairs
with a 'catch of the day'...
But they won't say what day.
Comes up right
through the vents.
Vanessa,
I've been thinking that maybe
if we weren't actually meant...
I mean, like...
Maybe I just need to get up
and get some milk and cookies.
I just need to get
more into character.
This fundraiser's
really getting to you.
You hang in there.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
And if we weren't
meant to be parents, then...
What was that?
I said I love you, baby,
goodnight!
This can't be happening!
Can I preach it like I feel it?
'Cause it's Christmas Eve,
the dawn of that most remarkable
miracle we celebrate tomorrow.
And it all happened
under the Star of Bethlehem,
in a manger, with the animals.
With Mary.
And J-Joseph.
Joseph was there.
Yes, he was.
Yes, he was!
Yes, he was.
That... that Joseph.
Now, let me tell you
something about Joseph, okay?
Because he wasn't even gonna
be a dad and then he was told,
"Father up, son,
and get it done."
He was probably like,
"Hey, what if I was
cool without kids?
"Man, like what if I was
cool without that?"
Right, like, "Maybe
my feelings matter, too."
I don't know, I'm just sayin'.
So...
let's remember,
during these special times,
that some guys just
aren't daddy material.
No, and that's okay.
Because if they
don't want to be,
you've gotta respect that,
'cause I bet that
is a lot of guys.
So...
Can I get an amen?
- Amen!
- Amen.
- Amen?
- Amen...
I'd be worried
if Santa wasn't stressed
on Christmas Eve.
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Snuggle into Santa!
Everybody's happy!
And three, two, one...
Yeah!
Okay, that's great, kids.
Thanks so much.
Step off to your left.
Alright, Merry Christmas!
Thank you.
Bye!
Here's an extra camera battery,
but I noticed your phone
was almost dead.
Thanks, Nas.
I'm gonna go check
on the people in line.
Wait, wait,
whoa, whoa, Nas, Nas!
Hey...
You good?
I don't know.
Pretty weird sermon
you gave earlier.
- Are you good?
- Me?
Pssht!
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Of course I'm good.
Oh, hey, look, I was thinking
that maybe we could
go for lunch today.
Nah, I'm good, Rev.
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Are you sure?
Because the vibe
I'm getting is...
Look, I'm only doing
this charity drive with you
as part of my
school community service.
I'm showing up on time, Rev.
What else do you want?
I just want to make
sure that you're feeling
the Christmas family magic, huh?
What?
I heard you talking
with Jack earlier,
so you don't have to pretend
like you want to help me, okay?
My dad died when I was ten.
I've had to be the man
of my house ever since.
I'll be alright on my own.
Wait, wait, wait,
you heard me talking to Jack?
About me and Vanessa
trying to have a baby?
Oh, I get it now.
You got your own kid on the way
so you don't need another one
in your life giving you
even more problems.
Got it, sorry.
Never meant to do that to you.
No, Nas.
Nas!
Argh.
This is a nightmare!
Yeah, that
could have gone better.
What?
No, my likes are way down.
My views are pathetic.
You know where Skipper is?
My guess, just follow Nas.
Right.
Dandy Randy.
Chilly Willy.
May I ask what you think
you're doing?
Well, yeah,
the problem with these old boxes
is they can actually
disrupt the security upgrades
we installed for the jewels,
so, yeah, these old wires,
they'll just burn out
and start blowing sparks
and everything everywhere,
so the safest thing you can do
is just disconnect them totally.
Give me those,
and step away from the box.
Because you either
get 'em all or you don't bother.
I mean, you've totally ignored
this little yellow guy
right here.
See?
Toop!
Hmm!
You know, while you're at it,
I saw another box
just like this one
at the other end of the mall.
That'd be the other
access door to the basement.
- That's the one.
- I'm on it!
You know,
some day they're gonna
make a statue of you.
Can it have hair?
I'll talk to the designer.
Thanks.
Alright, this is gonna be easy.
I got time for a sandwich!
Hey, Jack!
Have you seen
any investor-type people?
Bad suits, even worse hair?
- Investors?
- Mm-hm.
Funny you should ask,
I too am seeking some investors.
I don't think
they're gonna be interested.
Oh, they should be.
Look, look, look, according
to the TV dramas I watch,
crime is literally everywhere.
Sadly, the mall offers
the determined criminal
ample opportunity.
That is,
until I came up with an idea
to help shoppers fight back.
The thing I came up with,
it's called the...
They've gotta be
around here somewhere.
- It's called the pockodile.
- The what now?
The pockodile...
The pocket crocodile!
See...
I think I see them over there.
Okay, I'm just gonna... go.
Okay, I'll tell you
more about it later.
That is so stupid!
And we...
Hey.
Hey.
I can't have everyone
annoyed with me so...
I'm sorry.
Okay?
Posting that video was stupid.
It's not that.
My followers really
only watch my feed
for my gymnastics videos.
It's my dad.
He's driving me crazy!
Treating me like a total baby.
Trying to bond with me.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
No, you're not.
We all grow up.
I know.
I've been so busy lately
that I've barely even seen you.
But... don't you see
how lucky you are?
I mean, I've had to be
a grown-up for so long now
that people just think
I don't need help anymore.
Like, my mom has never
treated me like a kid.
Yeah?
That sounds awesome.
It's not.
Really.
It's like...
It's like, she never
took me ice skating.
What would be the point?
It's easy!
I can show you.
What I'm saying is
even when I started gaming,
it was just
so I could learn code
so that maybe
I could find a job.
Oh, no, he's not!
He just can't let me be free!
This is insane!
Whoops!
That'll show him.
Oh my God, sorry!
I'm so sorry... I just used you!
That's bad.
That is so bad!
It wasn't thatbad.
- Wrong, maybe.
- It felt right to me.
Because
I wasn't thinking of you,
and I just kind of did it,
and I didn't ask, and I...
- It's okay, it's cool.
- I am so embarrassed.
And it'll be
smooth sailing out of here.
Oh, you want to join me?
No, sorry.
Hey, Gabs.
What you got there?
If you can believe it,
the last gift from my husband.
Your husband?
I thought he...
No, I lost my Charles years ago.
It's why the season
can feel real lonely.
Gonna be the fifth Christmas
without him,
and the first one I feel
up to decorating again.
Oh, I found this
in a box of ornaments.
Oh, you have to open it!
Not before
Christmas morning, honey!
You gotta respect tradition.
Can you tell me about him?
He was just such a good man.
Charles dreamed of
taking me to Paris.
Can you imagine me in Paris?
But I was just always
too scared to fly.
You know, I'm amazed
some people aren't.
Being afraid of flying
is natural!
Unless maybe you're a bird.
Then it would be unnatural,
and natural would be throwing up
in your baby's mouth.
Now...
Gabs!
Hmm!
But no matter how many times
the man said
he would always protect me,
I was still too scared.
And then...
then it was too late.
Fear is a cage
you can get trapped in,
and love is the key.
Maybe I waited too long
to use it.
That's what scares me now.
Now, I know you have some
feelings about your father.
Ugh, don't ruin this.
He's driving me crazy!
He even made me
mess things up with Nas.
Ah!
Well, I know what'll
put you in a better mood:
a piece of my famous
homemade toffee.
Oh!
Alright.
Mmm!
Oh, it looks like
you have company.
And I'm due back in the village.
Mm!
Hey, I've been
looking all over for you.
I was thinking about something
you said earlier and...
I don't know, this is probably
gonna sound really stupid,
but... maybe you can
teach me to ice skate.
Look, I know you don't want to
be a kid, but maybe I kinda do.
Maybe we can meet
in the middle somewhere.
Sorry, is this making
you uncomfortable?
Mm-mm.
Uh, is that a no?
Mm... Mm-mm.
Okay, so a yes or no?
Mm-hm.
Mm!
No, I'm making
you uncomfortable,
or no to meeting in the middle?
Mm!
Mm-hm!
You know what?
Just forget I even came by.
- Just...
- Mm-mm...
Argh!
The
Peachfield Mall is now closed.
And we thank you so much
for shopping with us.
We wish you
a very merry Christmas.
Let me show you
fellas the old boiler.
Those estimated repair funds
include replacing this bad boy.
Still heats
a building of this size,
but to be honest, I don't think
it's up to code anymore.
And definitely don't
smoke a cigarette
anywhere near this or...
you could get lung cancer.
But once it's replaced,
a new gas boiler could
last you, oh, 50 years?
Anyway, let's
go back downstairs.
O Tanen-bomb...
O Tanen-bomb!
I can hear you.
Can you not hear me?
I said "liquid nitrogen"!
Liquid, not big squids.
Although,
can you get big squids?
Actually, you know what,
never mind.
What I need is liquid... ugh!
Hello?
Do you get decent reception?
Not me.
Wife calls it "janky."
That's why I call
her from the roof.
That's a good idea.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
For next time, Jack,
the Yuletide Express
has just pulled in.
That's a fog blaster!
Oh, wow!
Ah, son of a Grinch!
Woo!
Needs some recalibration!
- Is that safe?
- What?
I was gonna
stick to sleigh bells!
Steak?
Yeah!
I just need to
see it get locked away.
- Ready?
- Let's see.
But remember,
once we get the code,
- it's only good for ten seconds.
- Mm.
C-9-8-0-9-8.
There!
It'll be here waiting
for your boss on the 26th.
Okay, and you probably
won't see me again
because I'm leaving the mall.
Now.
Merry Christmas, Chilly.
Yes, Merry Christmas to all.
One for the road, honey?
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
Did that just break the floor?
No,
that crack was already there.
You know, Gabs,
I just thought of a great idea
we could give each other
for Christmas.
Oh!
I love this idea already!
What are you thinking, hun?
Wouldn't it be so much fun
if we took
a baking class together?
And waste your money?
Why, I can teach you
everything myself.
Oh, you look sadder
than a tree after Christmas.
Well, I feel like
I've been kicked to the curb.
Oh...
Didn't even make half
the money we made last year.
Well, we raised money
for an important charity.
Be proud no matter what.
Yeah, now I can go to
the hospital and tell the kids,
"Oh, no, no, no, that's
not coal in your stocking,
"that's just the black eyes
of a snowman,
"staring up at your sad faces
while its body melts
"into a puddle of your tears.
"Happy holiday!"
I gotta take this.
Hi, baby.
Everything okay?
You sound upset.
No, I... ay... at...
Hello?
Everything is fine!
Look, I'll call you back.
Heading to the roof.
Just sit tight.
Mm-hm.
Okay, y'all are as worried
about that man as I am, right?
I mean, what is wrong with him?
Thank you for your service.
It was an honour
to work with you,
one I will not soon forget.
Yeah.
Oh, that means
a lot coming from you.
Please look back,
please look back,
please look back,
please look back.
Ready
to activate the alarm system
and shut this place
down for the holidays!
Radio in when you
have the all-clear.
A church group...
or the perfect cover
for a crime syndicate?
10-4.
I might be on to something.
And as much
as I love our choir robes,
I really just can't wait to be
back at home with you in my PJs.
Ugh,
I need out of this thing, too.
I feel like a lost Claus.
Hush!
You've done so much
for that Children's Hospital.
It doesn't feel like enough.
When you let a child down,
you let the whole world down.
Can I preach it like I feel it?
Oh, lord,
I've never heard those words
sound so small.
What is going on,
Benjamin Wright?
Something else on your mind?
Oof, I'm still feeling
a little funny.
I think this time it might
actually be my lunch.
Two pints of red velvet
cheesecake ice cream.
What?!
I ain't apologizing!
I ain't never craved
anything like that before!
Nausea, cravings...
Wait, you don't think...
What?
You mean...
I suppose it's worth
checking again.
I mean, they say that sometimes
a day or two makes a difference.
No, not now!
Honey, you okay?
Are you feeling pressured
about the baby thing?
Oh, well, I mean, yes...
Maybe adding a little, just
a little stress to my life.
Don't let it.
If it doesn't happen, it's okay.
- It is?
- Sure.
If it doesn't happen this month,
then hopefully the next one.
Oh, uh, I thought that...
You do want to be
a father, don't you?
Benjamin, there's no reason
to be scared.
I've seen your work with
the neighbourhood children.
Have you talked to Nas lately?
Because I don't think
I've got what it takes.
Forget it.
You've got a long night
ahead of you.
Just call me later, okay?
I will.
I can't wait to
see you tomorrow,
and unwrap my favourite gift.
Meow!
Rrreow!
Really?
Augh!
What are y'all doing here?
We were worried sick about you!
And we're just
looking for a ride.
Well,
I guess I have been nervous
about things lately,
but there's no time for that.
We know what we
gotta do downstairs.
So come on, clock's ticking,
and we gotta fly.
We gotta clean up
before it's too late.
Randy, what's going on?
Shh!
I'm on a stakeout.
Don't you shush me!
I am...
Hey, man.
What's up?
Oh, just me hearing
about your plans to clean up
before it's too late because,
you know, the clock's ticking.
Exactly, and I'd rather
the missus not see the house
in its current state.
Exactly, which sounds
to me like more code...
for a jewelry heist.
I think the altitude up here
is having an adverse effect
on your cognitive skills.
Let's head down
and get the crazy
back to manageable.
Sounds good.
Why, after you, Mr. Claus.
Or should I say Mr. Kringle?
Must be hard keeping track
of all those aliases.
Randy, what's my name?
Reverend... Santa?
- Let's go.
- Is it not?
It's not
"Reverend Santa," Randy.
I like the mall
after close, empty like this.
Hey, everything okay with you?
Rev keeps asking me
the same thing.
I guess it's just
always been kind of tough
seeing kids being kids.
You know, holiday cheer
and things I missed out on.
It's never too late,
especially when you have people
you want to share it with.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
I do, but I think
I messed it up already.
You just gotta think,
"What can I do
better next time?"
Hey, Marge!
Hey!
What's all this?
Oh, nothing.
Just left something behind.
Yeah?
What's that?
The Christmas Star.
Looks like someone
has a little bit too much
egg in their noggin.
I have ears.
Not another word
until you're out.
Just relax, man, okay?
It's hard to
"relax, man," when you've
stopped a major crime
and the world will never know.
Bruce Wayne, I feel you, buddy.
Uh, Randy?
Security locks activate
on all the doors
when we shut down the power.
It's totally normal.
Although...
Not while you're still in here.
Yeah, Randy here in C Wing,
trying to bounce Santa.
What's going on?
Can you un-lockdown for a sec?
This normal, too?
Chilly Willy?
Dandy Randy.
His nickname for me.
Same reason I came back.
- For real?
- Same reason.
Wow.
Chilly here is a pro,
and he also thought
you might be up to something.
- You know, great minds, etc.
- That's great.
Can we please go home now?
I'm gonna need you guys
to give me your cell phones.
Phones?
Wait, okay, look,
all we gotta do is just
grab our stuff and go home...
Gimme the walkie.
Go get their phones.
Right, right.
Phones!
For security purposes.
Mine's in my jacket
in Santa's Village.
We were just heading over there.
Look, there's no need
to get your tinsel
in a tangle, alright?
There's no need for the gun.
Well, we, uh...
we got a tip.
Yeah, yeah, an anonymous tip
about a possible theft,
so we just gotta play it safe.
But if you guys want to
follow me to the office,
we can sort this all out.
Or we can talk right here.
I seriously need you to zip it.
Okay.
It's nice to be
seriously needed.
Follow me.
Partridge, I'm bringing you
four more chestnuts to roast.
Copy that.
Four more yule logs to chop.
Four new candies to cane.
- Roger.
- No, it's me, Chilly.
I'm bringing you
four more people.
We gotta make this...
Man has to have some respect!
Run!
Ooh!
Chilly!
Don't just stand there!
Hello?
Hello-o-o...
Nice echo.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la...
Laaa!
Okay...
So now what?
Hey, hey!
Where's Chilly?
We were ambushed.
I barely got away and...
What the...?
I, uh...
knew it!
I knew it!
It was all of them!
The whole Christmas crew,
and I saw right through it.
And her, I guess these days even
a woman can be the inside man.
Welcome to the new world order.
Solid work.
Randy, mall security,
and I do appreciate the assist.
So, what's our plan?
Nice to meet you, Randy.
Okay!
Well, first,
we remove the jewels,
relocate them
to a secure location.
- Makes total sense.
- No it doesn't!
Can't you see
he's the real thief?
Good luck trying to fill my head
with your conspiracy theories.
Nothing gets in here.
Yeah, we know.
Randy, call the cops.
Let's figure it out with them.
Oh,
I bet you'd love that, but...
we shouldn't do that?
What, and let them be heroes?
No!
No, we find the bad people,
we lock them up here first,
then we call the cops.
Hey...
Isn't it our time to shine?
I do believe it is, my good man.
What, seriously?
You believe that?
Now, you were probably
in on the last heist too,
weren't you?
Once a thief, always a thief.
Okay, Randy, go help
Chilly round up the others.
As long as they're free,
the Christmas Star
will never be safe.
It issafe!
It's literally in the safe!
It's literally in a safe.
Yeah, that youhave the code to!
So really, it couldn't be
in any more danger, could it?
Ooh, he's got you there.
You...
That Randy's
a special kind of special,
isn't he?
I like him.
I really didn't leave
my cell phone in the village.
Good!
I can probably get there if...
No, no, no, you stay here.
It's too dangerous.
I'm not letting you go.
I am not gonna lose you.
But I can do it.
Not letting me go is only
gonna backfire when I run,
'cause I run faster than you.
Okay, okay, okay!
We'll both go.
Uh... and bothget caught?
Dad, I love you, but we're
only gonna lose each other
if you don't let go of me.
Whoa...
Come on, come on!
Go, go, go, go!
Oh...
What'd she hit me with?
A bag of doorknobs or something?
Ugh...
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...
Great, now he's gonna
get to my phone first.
Nope.
Follow me.
And keep up!
Oh...
If we can get
to the front doors,
we can try and signal for help,
use these things as covers.
Come on!
Gabs, come on!
Psst!
Hello?
Anyone here?
We're securing
the Christmas Star,
so the smartest thing you can do
right now is just surrender.
Who's there?
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
Well, looky looky looky!
Hello there!
Huh.
Let me guess, I open you,
and a tarantula
jumps onto my face.
I'm not falling
for any dumb traps, people!
Remember who
you're dealing with.
Come on, Partridge.
I thought this life
was behind you.
Well, it will be.
So far behind I won't even
be able to catch a glimpse
past the palm trees
and pina coladas.
You know, it's a shame, though,
because it's gonna look like
the temptation was just
too great for you,
that you stole the jewels
and then you vanished
with your friends.
Vanished?
Vanished.
But first,
it's time to open my present.
Can't do that.
Go on, tell him, Nas.
The safe is wired into
a uniquely coded system
that supplies a combination.
With the power shut off,
network's down,
and I can't get the new combo.
So how do we get
the power back on?
How?
Well, I-I can still
use the computer.
It's on the same backup
as the emergency lights.
Okay, great!
So that's what we're gonna do,
but only until the safe is open,
and then right back off again.
You understand?
Woo!
I've seen that look
before in a woman,
and it never ends well for me.
Imagine that.
Hm.
So, the kid here is gonna do it
while I stand watch
with Rudolph.
And trust me on this, guys,
you do not want to make
his nose glow red.
Because if you are rude...
he will go off.
Rude-off!
What?
Shh, shh, shh!
If we get to the phone first,
even with bad reception
we can send an SOS.
Just tell me where it is
and I can probably get to it
before he does.
We'll go together.
Ah...
The dark is so stupid.
You can't see nothing.
Alright, the mall's power
is about to come back on,
and then I get a new code.
Where's the jacket?
Wait... all the
smoke machines are linked.
If the power's on, they all are.
Who's he talking to?
What are you doing?
Hey!
- Come here!
- Go, go, go, go!
Hey, what is this?
What's going on?!
I can't breathe!
I really hope
this isn't a gas leak.
I got you.
Stalking through a
winter wonderland
I got ya...
Oh... sorry,
your Holy Motherness.
Hold up.
If the power's on,
then that must mean
the security locks are off.
We can get to the roof
and signal for help!
Okay, come on.
Ah?
Ah...
It's like a Snoop Dogg concert.
What's happening?
Open it!
I might have missed my window.
The numbers change if you
don't do it fast enough.
Well, then
do it faster this time.
I will.
I'm getting the code right now.
Got it.
Turn everything back off!
Well, I just need
a couple seconds to...
Power down, now!
What?
What?
With all the off and on,
the system has gone
into override.
Oh, I've got a way.
Move.
Move!
Merry Christmas.
Figgy pudding!
We can still make it
to my phone before he does.
Oh.
Funny weather we're having.
Cloudy with
a chance of meathead.
Good thing
I found my new jacket.
The computer's shot.
Literally.
Well, it's a good thing
you're a smart kid.
Right?
Nas, bubby,
figure something out.
Come on, "Die Hard"?
Right?
Somebody?
Anybody?
Gruber?
Alright, forget it.
Just figure something out, kid.
You got a minute.
That's 60 seconds.
Go.
You thought you
were pretty clever, huh?
With your fog machine.
Proof of concept... go pockodile!
And this is
right where I left it!
Ow, get it off!
Get it off!
Get it off!
Come on!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- What?
1%.
Uh, it's okay.
- It's okay, it's okay!
- Dad!
9... 1...
Uh, my hands are so sweaty!
- Dad!
- It's alright.
9... 1...
Oh, it's dead.
Okay!
Time's up.
What's the solution?
Okay, I can do it,
but I need my laptop
and it's back in the village.
You're killing me.
Ouch!
- Have you seen anyone?
- No.
- How's the head?
- It's fine.
- I'm more worried about this now.
- What the heck is that?
I don't know,
but it really hurts!
- Okay, gimme the walkie.
- Okay.
Stay frosty, snowman.
My name is not Snowman!
We can't give up, Gabs.
No matter how difficult it gets,
no matter what...
I got ya!
Chilly!
Double-time it back
to the village.
I need you to grab
the kid's laptop.
Hurry it up.
Copy that.
Heading north.
Chilly!
Come out to the mall,
we'll get together,
have a few laughs!
- Really?
- That's "Die Hard," bro.
Thank you!
Please,
go make like Christmas Eve
and wrap things up.
Yeah?
I get things.
Okay, another minute
and I should be able to trick
the dual core by spoofing
its signature integration.
It's a good thing
the power's out.
He would have just
set off a nerd alert.
I'm kidding!
Kid, I'm impressed.
You're like
the hacker in "Die Hard."
Yet another awesome reference
I'm sure you don't get.
Let me get this straight...
Are you telling me
you've never seen
the greatest Christmas movie
of all time?
No, I haven't seen it.
It's unbelievable.
I mean, we're only talking
about an almost perfect movie.
Almost!
Except for the end when they
drop the hero off the building
and they let that maniac cop,
John McClane, live...
which is completely ridiculous!
Okay, okay, you got this.
Stick with the plan.
- Whoa!
- Aah!
Oh my God!
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
Oh!
Okay, everybody get in!
Get in, get in!
Thank God y'all are okay.
But I'm not gonna
let them get you again!
We'll keep them out there
and stay in here forever
- if we have to.
- Ugh, Dad!
That's just it... nothing will
ever happen to me, ever!
Because you don't
give me any space.
I...
I don't think we're talking
about the same thing, Skip.
There's some pretty
bad guys out there.
Of course I don't mean now.
I mean... always.
It's like what Gabs
said to me earlier.
Gabs says a lot of things.
You know me!
What was it this time?
It was about being scared.
This whole not letting me
grow up thing is...
it's you being scared
of it happening.
Well, I think that there's
a big difference between
not letting you
and not wanting you to.
Yeah.
But it doesn't feel like it.
Not with you.
Well, I mean, maybe I am scared.
You growing up
means you leaving.
Yeah.
And that's gonna happen, too.
This is weird.
What?
You talking to me
like a grown-up.
Momma would say,
"Get used to it."
So you lost them again?
Yeah, but not on purpose.
Amazing.
That's just...
It's amazing.
Okay, you know what?
We'll have the jewels any second
now, so forget the others.
We'll just lock them out
of the basement as we jingle
all the way out of the sewers,
tying up all loose ends
in a perfect, little bow.
When we blow up the mall!
Hey, buddy.
Quick question...
"Blow up the mall"?
Now, is that like
a cool new way of saying
"We're gonna leave"?
You know, like, "Let's
blow this Popsicle stand."
Why would anybody want
to blow up a Popsicle stand?
It was a saying.
I don't even know
what a Popsicle stand is.
Whatever, you're acting
really weird right now.
- Are we cool?
- We're cool.
So...
Are you blowing up the mall?
- No?
- Okay!
That's good.
That's a good thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So this is
taking a long time, huh?
Maybe you could source us
some snacks or something.
Absolutely!
Don't want you to get hangry.
You might end up...
blowing up the mall!
No, I'm not!
- The power's off, Randy.
- I know.
I was the one that
told you that.
Partridge, you still there?
Uh, yeah, not for long.
Blow up the mall?
We have to find
the others and get them out.
They could be anywhere.
But I think I know
how we can find them.
- You almost done?
- Yeah, you done?
Let's find out.
Let's find out.
Okay, now we can power up.
Okay, and getting the code now.
Okay, now turn it off again.
Okay, back away.
Back.
Ice, ice, baby...
- Hey, no!
- Go!
- Supply room!
- I don't know where that is!
I'll be right behind you.
- Marge...
- Yeah?
Ow!
Argh!
Aah!
Ow!
Hey, Skipper?
We were just talking
about being scared.
It made me start thinking.
Made me realize I don't tell you
all enough how much I need you,
how grateful I am
that we have each other.
The lord put us together
for a reason,
to help each other
when we need it most.
Because together,
we can do just about anything.
If we work together now,
no one's getting in.
Exactly.
So come on, let's do this.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Psst!
How did you get here?
You okay?
Where's Nas?
Nas got out, too.
But we need to find him
and get out before
they blow this place up!
What?!
Come on, y'all!
Turn the other cheek,
there's another door behind you!
Hark, the herald angels sing!
Glory to our newfound bling!
- Ha, nice.
- Eh?
- Can I see it?
- No.
Oh, we might be too late!
Let's blow
this Popsicle stand, huh?
Ha!
I told you that was a saying!
I didn't say it wasn't,
I just don't know
why it's a saying.
Oh, the gates were
all down, but you know,
it's crazy how much
perfectly good food
people just throw away.
I mean, who says to themselves,
"Yeah, I only really
needed half a corndog"?
Who eats half a corndog?
Dummies.
Don't answer.
Don't answer.
Nas, you in here?
Nas?
Where is he?
If we don't find him
fast before those guys make it
to the basement tunnels,
we are done for.
But they ain't going
anywhere without the star.
Too bad, they already have it.
For now.
Are we thinking
what you're thinking, Rev?
I think you are.
They won't blow up
the mall without those jewels,
- so all we gotta do...
- That's right.
We got to steal back
what they stole first.
It's time for a Christmas heist.
Well, Rev, I'm in.
If I creep up on them,
I think I have a way
to steal back that case.
Okay, but be careful.
You be careful.
Just keep 'em busy
until we're ready here.
So, Rev, you got a plan?
Not yet.
But you know what they say:
it takes a village.
Now let's deck their halls!
With temporary
power back-up in the village,
this is where we make our stand.
So, we've secured the package.
Can you remind me what's next?
Hey, what the heck!
Okay, I'm calling
a team meeting right now.
Sorry, Randy.
Hey, who's there?
Forget this.
We should just go.
Are you laughing at me?
I said, who's there?
Augh!
Okay.
Hey!
She's stealing the jewels back!
Let's go!
Slow down, slow down!
We're just trying to talk to ya!
Oh, little dumb-er boys!
What are you...
Let's go!
Get ready.
Here we come!
Keep stalling!
We need more time!
I'm trying!
Alright!
These reindeer games are over.
Reverend, we're out of time!
And out of luck!
Now, very carefully,
put the jewel case down.
Careful...
If you say so.
No, no, no!
My groin, my groin!
Hey!
Whoa!
Augh!
Hey!
Whoa, hold up!
Well, well, well,
looks like Santa got his hand
caught in the cookie jar.
Who, me?
I-I'm not Santa.
That guy is probably
over in Mexico by now.
No kidding!
That's where I'm supposed to be.
What the...
Silent night.
A little too silent.
Alright, Randy, climb
the ladder, grab the jewels.
Chilly, stand watch.
Oh, come on!
I got it!
Ah!
Ow!
Oof...
I'm good!
Yeah, I'm good.
Oh, what is this, camel poop?
It's toffee.
Okay, places, everybody.
Hey, back up, train!
Aah!
I can't see!
I can't hear!
What's happening?!
Randy!
Randy, where are you?
Aah!
What the...?
Aah...
Aah...
Chilly?
Chilly?
Chilly?
Chilly?
Oh...
Partridge?
Is that you?
Quit goofing off!
Listen to me: I was thinking
we can pin all of this
on Marge and Randy
working as a team.
- What do you think?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Good, yeah.
- Good.
I'm gonna finish this off.
- Watch my back.
- Huh?
- Watch my back!
- Okay.
Ugh...
Uh-oh!
Oh!
Argh!
Oof!
That hurts.
Chilly Willy?
Rocks beat scissors!
Yes!
Oh, that guy just
got his sleigh bells rung!
Is it too late to
get off your naughty list?
Never.
I'm sorry I doubted you,
Reverend Wright.
It takes a big man
to admit he's wrong.
It's snow over the mountain.
And for calling you names
like Crisp Pringles.
Alright.
And Santa Blobs.
Alright, Randy.
- Old Saint Thick.
- No.
Hey, where's Skipper?
- Where you been?
- Nas!
I hate to ruin the reunion,
but look who's holding
all the Christmas cards now.
Hey, hey, hey!
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
See, this is where
I disappear to a heaven on Earth
while you all earn rewards
under 100 tons of rubble.
Let her go.
Take me instead.
If you hurt her, I swear...
What?
What?
What are you gonna do, elf boy?
Hmm?
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-later!
Or more like never.
You know, you all should
take the next few minutes
for goodbyes,
because, uh, it's over!
Let's go.
Hey...
Marge, I know you have ways
of getting to the basement
- before he does.
- I'm coming with you.
I know she's
your daughter, alright?
But you're all my family,
and I need you, Jack,
I need you to get the rest of
the group to safety, alright?
Please trust me.
- Hold on, Rev, you...
- Hey...
I feel the same way,
but I gotta split.
Just tell me later, alright?
I will see you again.
Alright.
Best two out of three, Randy...
I'm comin'!
Ah, ah, ah!
Don't think you're getting
the jewels back again, Reverend.
You had your chance.
It's not about the jewels.
I got people I care about and
I'm not leaving without them.
Aw, that's sweet.
But I'll do you one better...
You're not leaving at all.
But hey, at least you lived long
enough to see Christmas, right?
And five bullets means I brought
shiny new presents for everyone.
Everyone?
You didn't think
we'd go without you, did you?
Enough already!
There's just one
last thing I want to say,
because you almost completely
ruined my favourite holiday...
Go elf yourself!
Okay, it wasn't that funny.
Ah!
Hey, hey!
Augh!
Yippee ki-yay, stocking stuffer.
Augh!
Donny, bubby,
"Die Hard" is my
favourite movie of all time.
Yeah, I really
thought we were buddies.
But it was all just a crock.
Alright, thank you.
Cops on the way.
So, uh...
You were saying
something earlier?
Just that I'm sorry.
I got so mad and...
I thought you were
turning your back on me.
Never gonna happen, Nas.
I mean, the only reason
we got through this
is because we got
through it together.
Yeah.
I think being together...
makes us all better.
Better together!
Amen to that!
Nas, you don't know
how much you helped me.
Hey, Gabs.
Hey, well, I did wait
until Christmas morning!
Oh!
Ah!
Guess who's going to Paris?
Really?
Thank you, Charles.
For everything.
Thank you, sir.
Mm-hm, same to you.
That was Mr. Himmel Jewellers
himself.
Said that he's gonna
triple what you raised
- for the Children's Hospital.
- Oh!
- For real?
- Mm-hm!
The man said we saved Christmas.
It was the least he could do.
I'm so glad you guys are safe!
I was almost home
when I got your text.
Oh, no tears.
Everyone's fine.
No, that's
not why I'm emotional.
We just took the test too early.
I took it again last night.
Is this a plus sign?
It sure is.
Because we're about
to have a plus one.
You're excited, right?
Whoa, whoa!
It's okay, it's okay!
I rejigged it.
Relax!
Ha-ha!
Oh!
Oh, wow...
Baby, I couldn't be
more excited for us
to be parents together.
This is the best
Christmas gift ever.
I wrapped your gift today
Tied a pretty ribbon all around
Wrote a few words down
Read it to myself
to see how they sound.
Guys!
Guess who's having a baby?
Just how much
you mean to me
I got your Christmas right here.
So...
What are you lookin' at?
You think I won't fight a child?
I'll fight a child!
That's right.
Can I say it first?
You're sweating profusely.
Oh, it's the Spandex.
It's not breathable.
Talk to the Rev; we'll
get cotton fibres next time.
Faith Heist 2!
And cut!
Whoa!
Augh!
Whoa, whoa...
Hold up!
Now, you may be wondering
how Santa got his hands
caught in the cookie jar.
Well, let's just say
this wasn't my first heist.
Put the money in the bag!
But before you start judging,
you should know:
I'm a man of God.
People know me as
Reverend Benjamin Wright.
That's right, Reverend,
and I love my congregation.
Can I get an amen?
Amen!
So when
a con man financial adviser
tricked the church
out of all of its money
and forced it to close,
I knew I had to find
a way to get it back.
Luckily, some people
in the community...
We call ourselves
the Lean On Me Group...
Felt the same way I did.
We got no choice
but to steal it back!
We pulled off a faith heist,
and I was their
spiritual adviser.
Nas was our hacker.
Jack, our gadget man.
His daughter Skipper provided
the necessary gymnastics.
Marge was our getaway driver.
Let's go, y'all!
Clock's ticking!
And Gabs...
took care of the security guard.
I got jumped
while I was doing my rounds.
Now, I don't
want to spoil the entire story
for you, so let's just say
the church stayed open
and the false prophet went
from con man to convict.
So when the group and I
volunteered at the mall
to raise money for charity,
we really did think our
thieving days were behind us.
You alright in there, baby?
You look.
Benjamin, I just peed on it!
Uh, excuse you!
I guess
I'm just... nervous!
I know, me too.
- A little bit nervous.
- Me too.
Wait, something's happening.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
But we'll get there.
And until then...
practice makes perfect.
Oh!
Oh, choir bus is here.
Now remember,
our last performance is upstate,
but I'm making sure we're back
by Christmas morning.
Mm-hm?
Tour manager's gonna
end up on my naughty list
if she's wrong about that.
Oh, well she
better be on it either way.
- Bye, baby.
- Bye, baby.
Thank God.
Hey...
I can't wait for Christmas
That's a very, very long time
'Cause what I really
want to give you
Is a big old piece of my mind
Let the beat drop!
Hey!
I can't wait for Christmas
Hey!
I can't wait
I can't wait for Christmas
There's too many days to go
'Cause there's something
that you need to know
And I'm the one
that's gonna tell you so
Let the beat drop!
Hey!
I said I can't
wait for Christmas
Hey!
I can't wait...
I can't wait for Christmas!
No, no, no!
I love the smell
of gingerbread in the morning!
I can't wait for Christmas!
Jack, what's our current status?
DEFCON 3 French hens, sir!
It's almost fully operational.
- Just the train's horn needs...
- Gabs!
Cooking report?
I can't wait for Christmas!
It's my own secret recipe.
Woo-hoo!
Mmm!
Jiminy Christmas!
You know, we have to protect
our secrets at all costs.
Mm-hm!
So do not let this one out!
Nas, intel brief.
Uh, well, we have
the Christmas candy land,
the snowman sled hill,
and my personal favourite,
Drake's winter home in Aspen.
That's a nice one.
Skipper, how are those
Clippety-Clop formations?
Popped and locked, sir.
And it's TikTok,
not Clippety-Clop.
That's what I said.
TipPop.
Anyway...
It looks perfect.
Alright, let me see.
Wow, you got some serious moves.
Aah...
Ahh...
Ah, how about some
daddy-daughter dances?
Definitely not.
Even if it's
the Elf on the Shelf-le?
- Dad...
- What is that?
- Come on!
- Dad...
- The Elf on the Shelfle!
- No, no, Dad!
- Oh, come on.
- No!
There's an... elf
on the shelf, on the shelf,
on the shelf, up all night,
up all night, up all night!
There's an elf on the shelf,
on the shelf, on the shelf,
- up all night!
- Okay, Dad, Dad!
Stop it!
You are so embarrassing.
You used to like this
when you were a little girl.
Yeah, well, I'm 17 now.
Well...
Maybe we do have something here.
#Cringemas.
Oh, heavenly manger!
Freaky deaky!
Someone steal those batteries.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jack!
Bad-looking tree at one o'clock.
Oh, already locked
and loaded with holiday cheer.
Yeah, as soon as I check
the propulsion gauge.
Mr. Kringle, sir,
there's no time!
I just took a peek outside...
We're completely surrounded!
Hey-hey-hey!
It's go-ho-ho time!
This is what we're
trained for, people.
Nas, Skipper, open the doors!
Time to raise some money
for the children's hospital.
Okay,
I gotta get the star ready.
Oh, I was born ready.
You don't have to tell me twice.
I'm talking about that one, Rev.
Aww, yeah!
The Christmas Star.
Gets me every time.
Welcome to Santa's Village.
- Enjoy!
- Welcome, guys.
A shoutout to
a jeweller's generosity,
loaning us this
brilliant curiosity.
A spectacle surpassing
expectations,
while adding sparkle
to our Christmas celebrations.
And while y'all are here
for this photo opportunity,
we get the gift
of seeing our community!
Because when you...
Take one step
closer to that star, Santa,
and the only thing you're
gonna want for Christmas
is your two front teeth.
Well, that wasn't very merry.
But thank you
for letting me know.
Okay, enjoy!
Over here!
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey...
Hey!
Oh...
He's like Dasher, Dancer,
Comet, and Prancer all in one!
Hey, uh,
we're gonna go on break.
Already?
And miss all the...
all the fun?
- Oh...
- Okay, go see your mom.
Look, it's only been 30 minutes.
The kids out there are counting
on you and so are we, so...
- Hey, Rev.
- Hey, Nas.
Um, remember how you said
if we ever need anything
we can come to you?
Uh, Jack, we got
more people coming in.
I kind of need
some fatherly advice.
Just hold on a sec.
We're falling behind.
Oh, who's next?
- Catch you later?
- Hope so.
Oh, Nas?
Nas, hold up!
Ugh!
You're a big boy, aren't you?
Almost didn't recognize
you without the Jheri curl wig.
I...
I don't know
what you're talking about.
So...
young man...
what would you
like for Christmas?
Justice.
I'll know when you're sleeping.
I'll know when you're awake.
I'll know if you've been
bad or good, so don't...
- make...
- a mistake.
Ah!
Oh...
You put my leg into a coma!
Ahh!
Maybe it is time for a break.
Okay, let's take ten!
Thank you for shopping here.
Hey, excuse me, Nas?
When you wrap things up
in Santa's Village,
can I run something by you
in the office?
Yeah, I'm just...
I'll meet you there in five.
Okay, thanks!
Miss Mall Manager!
Nice to see you.
Mr. Kris Kringle, how
are things in the North Pole?
Oh, so far, so good.
I mean, we're so grateful
for the community
lending us everything we needed,
but the icing on top
is that exquisite star above!
It really brings in the people.
I mean,
one lady drove three hours
just to catch
a glimpse of it in person.
Can you believe that?
I can't thank you enough
for arranging that.
I'm just glad it's helping.
Although I do
have one question, Marge.
That guy?
Come on!
Hey now, we did a good thing
by taking down a con man,
but Randy didn't know that
he was working for a criminal.
All he knew is that one day
he was out of a job.
Just felt like the right thing.
And with this place?
Oof...
It's like an opportunity
for new beginnings.
- Everybody deserves that.
- Hmm!
You're a good woman, Marge.
If you catch me
on the right day!
Now, I have an issue with you.
Okay!
As much as I love
all of these decorations,
- why all the fog machines?
- Oh, okay.
Don't see them
as the fog machines
they are now,
but as the snow machines
they will be
once Jack gets his hands
on some liquid nitrogen...
which I promise
I will not let happen.
Mm-hm.
Santa, let's use
this break to spread the Gospel!
Oh, come visit Santa's Village
and see the Christmas Star.
All proceeds go to
the Children's Hospital,
a wonderful local charity.
No rest for the cheery.
Or the Christmas puns.
- Later, Rev!
- Alright, later.
Hey, slow down, Gabs!
You know this suit
adds ten pounds.
This place sure
ain't what it used to be.
That right there was
once a Woolworth's,
but they went out of business.
Probably because
no one buys wool anymore.
You know, it's sad
because I really like sheep.
Kids want Santa
passing out presents,
not passing out
in their presence.
Oh, please.
Kids will like you
no matter what you do.
You know, I'm surprised
you're not a dad already
considering you're
so good with them.
- You really think so?
- Absolutely!
They just love bouncing on
that big, old Santa belly.
Well, I feel like that
last comment was unnecessary,
but I appreciate the support.
Oh, and that used to be
a McSorley Sporting Goods.
Funny story about McSorley's...
Since it's
Christmas Eve tomorrow,
and we don't have
any overnight guards,
the jewelry company's
insisted on this
state-of-the-art safe
for the Christmas Star,
and I just don't get it.
Yeah, well that's
'cause it's state-of-the-art.
You have to sync it directly
to your system here.
That's how you get
the combination,
which changes, like,
every ten seconds.
See, with these
types of systems,
the security is so high that...
There she is!
I have been meaning to call you!
Come here, you.
Nas, this is Don Partridge.
He's really the one who helped
us get the Christmas Star.
Oh, come on,
I just put in a good word
with my uncle.
After all, it's his business.
It's his decision.
And I'm saying
thank you, so take it.
Okay!
Well, I did know the Children's
Hospital once helped his boy,
so maybe I did lean
into the whole
raising money
for the charity thing.
Okay, and how do
you two know each other?
Uh...
anger management.
I was gonna say
we took a course together,
but y'all know about me.
Yeah, I remember.
- You got mad at some driver and...
- And things escalated.
Boring story.
Well, that story actually
ends with a busted side mirror,
a restraining order,
and a suspended license
for a year and a half.
And a mandatory class
where I discovered
that my trigger is ding-dongs
who use the passing lane
to take their sweet, old time.
But it's all good!
I found this job
that I could walk to,
- so all that could be avoided.
- There you go.
And what about you,
Mr. Partridge?
What's that, anger management?
Well, I'm not proud of it,
but I guess I got so mad
waiting in line at the bank,
robbing it just seemed faster.
- It wasn't.
- No, it wasn't.
And give years later,
I was released,
and as a condition of my parole
I had to attend classes
with this lovely lady.
And now look at you:
Marge in charge!
I can't believe you own a mall.
I'm just the manager, please.
But I am helping my boss find
some investors who'd be willing
to take this place
off of his hands.
Then I'm gonna spin that
into an even better job.
You got to make
your own opportunities.
It's true.
Nobody's giving you
what you want,
you just gotta take it.
That's not quite
what I'm saying.
I-I think I'm
just gonna head back.
The manual is just right here.
You can take a look at that.
Thanks, Nas.
For your help.
Nice to meet you, Nas.
That guy is pretty hardcore.
Oh, yeah.
You know, my uncle makes sure
all Himmel security are trained
by the Israeli Secret Service.
- Ah!
- No joke!
Yeah, nobody is stealing
anything on his watch.
Let's maintain
a parameter, people.
Hey, Mom, I'm gonna
have to ask you
to keep your eye
on this one, okay?
I just don't like the vibe
I'm getting from her.
- Me?
- Yeah, you.
I got an eye on you, buddy.
Um... okay.
What?
Oh...
Up all night, up all night...
You postedthis?
Thanks!
A lot.
Ugh!
Up all night,
up all night, up all night!
There's an elf on the shelf...
A hundred thousand views.
Oh, is that good?
My life is over!
Kids.
Am I right?
Hey, you know, maybe it's
time I get on the social medias.
Could be a way to find
investors for my inventions.
Some funny business
going on around here.
Someone pretending to be
something he's not.
You catch my drift?
I don't believe
that guy in there is
who he says he is.
You know,
if your parents never told you
the truth about Santa, I just...
don't think
I should be the one to.
The name's Chilly.
Short for Chilly Willy.
Coolio!
No, no one calls me Coolio.
Oh, I just... just
meant it's cool, you know?
- Your name's cool.
- No, my name is Chilly.
Right.
Oh, and Chilly's
packing some heat!
Yeah.
- Yeah, you like that?
- Yeah.
That's a million
bucks right there,
so anyone gets close to it,
they are gettin' iced!
Wow.
What about you?
You carry a piece?
No, just two of these.
Scissors beats paper.
You got me this time, buddy!
- No, it's Chilly.
- Yeah, Chilly, right.
And, uh... I'm Randy.
Randy.
Dandy Randy!
It's a pleasure.
Not a shortcut to
the food court.
Should have read the sign.
"Alarm sounds."
At least we know
the security system works.
Well,
it was great to see you, Marge.
I gotta bounce.
Thanks again,
and happy holidays.
- See you soon.
- Alright.
Good news.
I already lined up a buyer
for the Christmas Star.
So, in 24 hours we'll be
escaping out the sewer tunnels.
In 36, we'll be soaking up
some rays on an island,
one million dollars richer.
And anyone tries to
stop us, they get smoked!
Like a holiday ham.
Oh, I love the holidays!
Oh...
Okay, everybody
look over here, look over here!
Three, two, one, woo!
And Mom's gone gluten-free,
so seriously,
you should
just skip our cookies.
Okay!
Alright.
Merry Christmas!
Oh, something up, Rev?
Okay.
Could you give me a second,
folks?
Talk to me.
Alright, but it
involves a painful confession.
Me and Vanessa,
we're trying to conceive.
Oh, that... that's great!
Oh.
Well you know, give it time.
That's the problem.
You know, we got
a negative test this morning
and I almost cried for joy.
Oh...
I'm scared, Jack.
I mean, my dad was my hero.
The best dad ever.
How can I possibly
live up to that?
So, I get to thinking
that maybe...
maybe it's better I'm not a dad
than spend the rest
of my life failing at it.
Hey, Rev, I need
some guy/girl advice,
and I don't know who to talk to,
and now she's mad at me,
and I just...
The kid comes, right?
Wanting help and advice,
wanting me to solve
all the problems.
And I can't, I get blamed,
for everything.
Maybe I don't want that.
You know, maybe I just
want to say, "No, thanks."
Oh, hey, Nas!
You need something?
No, nothing at all.
I used to have this
father figure thing going on
with Nas, and he's just
taking off on me lately.
No wonder why
I'm doubting myself.
But you know,
if I could connect with him,
maybe I'd feel like
I got what it takes.
The
Peachfield Mall is now closed.
Only one more day
before Christmas,
so come on back tomorrow, and we
thank you for shopping with us.
Alright, y'all.
Good work.
And if anybody needs to hitch
a ride, sleigh leaves in 15.
Need a hand there, Jack?
No, all good.
Maybe we'll raise
more money tomorrow.
We had crowds all day,
and still barely raised
any money for the charity.
I don't even
know if I deserve the red suit.
It's not you, hun.
People want to give,
it's just... I think
times are tough all around.
Yeah, I know.
I'm just missing you, V.
So, how is life on tour?
Oh, tiring.
Five shows,
four different churches.
And I've been feeling
nauseous all night.
Nauseous?
There's this
seafood joint downstairs
with a 'catch of the day'...
But they won't say what day.
Comes up right
through the vents.
Vanessa,
I've been thinking that maybe
if we weren't actually meant...
I mean, like...
Maybe I just need to get up
and get some milk and cookies.
I just need to get
more into character.
This fundraiser's
really getting to you.
You hang in there.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
And if we weren't
meant to be parents, then...
What was that?
I said I love you, baby,
goodnight!
This can't be happening!
Can I preach it like I feel it?
'Cause it's Christmas Eve,
the dawn of that most remarkable
miracle we celebrate tomorrow.
And it all happened
under the Star of Bethlehem,
in a manger, with the animals.
With Mary.
And J-Joseph.
Joseph was there.
Yes, he was.
Yes, he was!
Yes, he was.
That... that Joseph.
Now, let me tell you
something about Joseph, okay?
Because he wasn't even gonna
be a dad and then he was told,
"Father up, son,
and get it done."
He was probably like,
"Hey, what if I was
cool without kids?
"Man, like what if I was
cool without that?"
Right, like, "Maybe
my feelings matter, too."
I don't know, I'm just sayin'.
So...
let's remember,
during these special times,
that some guys just
aren't daddy material.
No, and that's okay.
Because if they
don't want to be,
you've gotta respect that,
'cause I bet that
is a lot of guys.
So...
Can I get an amen?
- Amen!
- Amen.
- Amen?
- Amen...
I'd be worried
if Santa wasn't stressed
on Christmas Eve.
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Snuggle into Santa!
Everybody's happy!
And three, two, one...
Yeah!
Okay, that's great, kids.
Thanks so much.
Step off to your left.
Alright, Merry Christmas!
Thank you.
Bye!
Here's an extra camera battery,
but I noticed your phone
was almost dead.
Thanks, Nas.
I'm gonna go check
on the people in line.
Wait, wait,
whoa, whoa, Nas, Nas!
Hey...
You good?
I don't know.
Pretty weird sermon
you gave earlier.
- Are you good?
- Me?
Pssht!
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Of course I'm good.
Oh, hey, look, I was thinking
that maybe we could
go for lunch today.
Nah, I'm good, Rev.
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Are you sure?
Because the vibe
I'm getting is...
Look, I'm only doing
this charity drive with you
as part of my
school community service.
I'm showing up on time, Rev.
What else do you want?
I just want to make
sure that you're feeling
the Christmas family magic, huh?
What?
I heard you talking
with Jack earlier,
so you don't have to pretend
like you want to help me, okay?
My dad died when I was ten.
I've had to be the man
of my house ever since.
I'll be alright on my own.
Wait, wait, wait,
you heard me talking to Jack?
About me and Vanessa
trying to have a baby?
Oh, I get it now.
You got your own kid on the way
so you don't need another one
in your life giving you
even more problems.
Got it, sorry.
Never meant to do that to you.
No, Nas.
Nas!
Argh.
This is a nightmare!
Yeah, that
could have gone better.
What?
No, my likes are way down.
My views are pathetic.
You know where Skipper is?
My guess, just follow Nas.
Right.
Dandy Randy.
Chilly Willy.
May I ask what you think
you're doing?
Well, yeah,
the problem with these old boxes
is they can actually
disrupt the security upgrades
we installed for the jewels,
so, yeah, these old wires,
they'll just burn out
and start blowing sparks
and everything everywhere,
so the safest thing you can do
is just disconnect them totally.
Give me those,
and step away from the box.
Because you either
get 'em all or you don't bother.
I mean, you've totally ignored
this little yellow guy
right here.
See?
Toop!
Hmm!
You know, while you're at it,
I saw another box
just like this one
at the other end of the mall.
That'd be the other
access door to the basement.
- That's the one.
- I'm on it!
You know,
some day they're gonna
make a statue of you.
Can it have hair?
I'll talk to the designer.
Thanks.
Alright, this is gonna be easy.
I got time for a sandwich!
Hey, Jack!
Have you seen
any investor-type people?
Bad suits, even worse hair?
- Investors?
- Mm-hm.
Funny you should ask,
I too am seeking some investors.
I don't think
they're gonna be interested.
Oh, they should be.
Look, look, look, according
to the TV dramas I watch,
crime is literally everywhere.
Sadly, the mall offers
the determined criminal
ample opportunity.
That is,
until I came up with an idea
to help shoppers fight back.
The thing I came up with,
it's called the...
They've gotta be
around here somewhere.
- It's called the pockodile.
- The what now?
The pockodile...
The pocket crocodile!
See...
I think I see them over there.
Okay, I'm just gonna... go.
Okay, I'll tell you
more about it later.
That is so stupid!
And we...
Hey.
Hey.
I can't have everyone
annoyed with me so...
I'm sorry.
Okay?
Posting that video was stupid.
It's not that.
My followers really
only watch my feed
for my gymnastics videos.
It's my dad.
He's driving me crazy!
Treating me like a total baby.
Trying to bond with me.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
No, you're not.
We all grow up.
I know.
I've been so busy lately
that I've barely even seen you.
But... don't you see
how lucky you are?
I mean, I've had to be
a grown-up for so long now
that people just think
I don't need help anymore.
Like, my mom has never
treated me like a kid.
Yeah?
That sounds awesome.
It's not.
Really.
It's like...
It's like, she never
took me ice skating.
What would be the point?
It's easy!
I can show you.
What I'm saying is
even when I started gaming,
it was just
so I could learn code
so that maybe
I could find a job.
Oh, no, he's not!
He just can't let me be free!
This is insane!
Whoops!
That'll show him.
Oh my God, sorry!
I'm so sorry... I just used you!
That's bad.
That is so bad!
It wasn't thatbad.
- Wrong, maybe.
- It felt right to me.
Because
I wasn't thinking of you,
and I just kind of did it,
and I didn't ask, and I...
- It's okay, it's cool.
- I am so embarrassed.
And it'll be
smooth sailing out of here.
Oh, you want to join me?
No, sorry.
Hey, Gabs.
What you got there?
If you can believe it,
the last gift from my husband.
Your husband?
I thought he...
No, I lost my Charles years ago.
It's why the season
can feel real lonely.
Gonna be the fifth Christmas
without him,
and the first one I feel
up to decorating again.
Oh, I found this
in a box of ornaments.
Oh, you have to open it!
Not before
Christmas morning, honey!
You gotta respect tradition.
Can you tell me about him?
He was just such a good man.
Charles dreamed of
taking me to Paris.
Can you imagine me in Paris?
But I was just always
too scared to fly.
You know, I'm amazed
some people aren't.
Being afraid of flying
is natural!
Unless maybe you're a bird.
Then it would be unnatural,
and natural would be throwing up
in your baby's mouth.
Now...
Gabs!
Hmm!
But no matter how many times
the man said
he would always protect me,
I was still too scared.
And then...
then it was too late.
Fear is a cage
you can get trapped in,
and love is the key.
Maybe I waited too long
to use it.
That's what scares me now.
Now, I know you have some
feelings about your father.
Ugh, don't ruin this.
He's driving me crazy!
He even made me
mess things up with Nas.
Ah!
Well, I know what'll
put you in a better mood:
a piece of my famous
homemade toffee.
Oh!
Alright.
Mmm!
Oh, it looks like
you have company.
And I'm due back in the village.
Mm!
Hey, I've been
looking all over for you.
I was thinking about something
you said earlier and...
I don't know, this is probably
gonna sound really stupid,
but... maybe you can
teach me to ice skate.
Look, I know you don't want to
be a kid, but maybe I kinda do.
Maybe we can meet
in the middle somewhere.
Sorry, is this making
you uncomfortable?
Mm-mm.
Uh, is that a no?
Mm... Mm-mm.
Okay, so a yes or no?
Mm-hm.
Mm!
No, I'm making
you uncomfortable,
or no to meeting in the middle?
Mm!
Mm-hm!
You know what?
Just forget I even came by.
- Just...
- Mm-mm...
Argh!
The
Peachfield Mall is now closed.
And we thank you so much
for shopping with us.
We wish you
a very merry Christmas.
Let me show you
fellas the old boiler.
Those estimated repair funds
include replacing this bad boy.
Still heats
a building of this size,
but to be honest, I don't think
it's up to code anymore.
And definitely don't
smoke a cigarette
anywhere near this or...
you could get lung cancer.
But once it's replaced,
a new gas boiler could
last you, oh, 50 years?
Anyway, let's
go back downstairs.
O Tanen-bomb...
O Tanen-bomb!
I can hear you.
Can you not hear me?
I said "liquid nitrogen"!
Liquid, not big squids.
Although,
can you get big squids?
Actually, you know what,
never mind.
What I need is liquid... ugh!
Hello?
Do you get decent reception?
Not me.
Wife calls it "janky."
That's why I call
her from the roof.
That's a good idea.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
For next time, Jack,
the Yuletide Express
has just pulled in.
That's a fog blaster!
Oh, wow!
Ah, son of a Grinch!
Woo!
Needs some recalibration!
- Is that safe?
- What?
I was gonna
stick to sleigh bells!
Steak?
Yeah!
I just need to
see it get locked away.
- Ready?
- Let's see.
But remember,
once we get the code,
- it's only good for ten seconds.
- Mm.
C-9-8-0-9-8.
There!
It'll be here waiting
for your boss on the 26th.
Okay, and you probably
won't see me again
because I'm leaving the mall.
Now.
Merry Christmas, Chilly.
Yes, Merry Christmas to all.
One for the road, honey?
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
Did that just break the floor?
No,
that crack was already there.
You know, Gabs,
I just thought of a great idea
we could give each other
for Christmas.
Oh!
I love this idea already!
What are you thinking, hun?
Wouldn't it be so much fun
if we took
a baking class together?
And waste your money?
Why, I can teach you
everything myself.
Oh, you look sadder
than a tree after Christmas.
Well, I feel like
I've been kicked to the curb.
Oh...
Didn't even make half
the money we made last year.
Well, we raised money
for an important charity.
Be proud no matter what.
Yeah, now I can go to
the hospital and tell the kids,
"Oh, no, no, no, that's
not coal in your stocking,
"that's just the black eyes
of a snowman,
"staring up at your sad faces
while its body melts
"into a puddle of your tears.
"Happy holiday!"
I gotta take this.
Hi, baby.
Everything okay?
You sound upset.
No, I... ay... at...
Hello?
Everything is fine!
Look, I'll call you back.
Heading to the roof.
Just sit tight.
Mm-hm.
Okay, y'all are as worried
about that man as I am, right?
I mean, what is wrong with him?
Thank you for your service.
It was an honour
to work with you,
one I will not soon forget.
Yeah.
Oh, that means
a lot coming from you.
Please look back,
please look back,
please look back,
please look back.
Ready
to activate the alarm system
and shut this place
down for the holidays!
Radio in when you
have the all-clear.
A church group...
or the perfect cover
for a crime syndicate?
10-4.
I might be on to something.
And as much
as I love our choir robes,
I really just can't wait to be
back at home with you in my PJs.
Ugh,
I need out of this thing, too.
I feel like a lost Claus.
Hush!
You've done so much
for that Children's Hospital.
It doesn't feel like enough.
When you let a child down,
you let the whole world down.
Can I preach it like I feel it?
Oh, lord,
I've never heard those words
sound so small.
What is going on,
Benjamin Wright?
Something else on your mind?
Oof, I'm still feeling
a little funny.
I think this time it might
actually be my lunch.
Two pints of red velvet
cheesecake ice cream.
What?!
I ain't apologizing!
I ain't never craved
anything like that before!
Nausea, cravings...
Wait, you don't think...
What?
You mean...
I suppose it's worth
checking again.
I mean, they say that sometimes
a day or two makes a difference.
No, not now!
Honey, you okay?
Are you feeling pressured
about the baby thing?
Oh, well, I mean, yes...
Maybe adding a little, just
a little stress to my life.
Don't let it.
If it doesn't happen, it's okay.
- It is?
- Sure.
If it doesn't happen this month,
then hopefully the next one.
Oh, uh, I thought that...
You do want to be
a father, don't you?
Benjamin, there's no reason
to be scared.
I've seen your work with
the neighbourhood children.
Have you talked to Nas lately?
Because I don't think
I've got what it takes.
Forget it.
You've got a long night
ahead of you.
Just call me later, okay?
I will.
I can't wait to
see you tomorrow,
and unwrap my favourite gift.
Meow!
Rrreow!
Really?
Augh!
What are y'all doing here?
We were worried sick about you!
And we're just
looking for a ride.
Well,
I guess I have been nervous
about things lately,
but there's no time for that.
We know what we
gotta do downstairs.
So come on, clock's ticking,
and we gotta fly.
We gotta clean up
before it's too late.
Randy, what's going on?
Shh!
I'm on a stakeout.
Don't you shush me!
I am...
Hey, man.
What's up?
Oh, just me hearing
about your plans to clean up
before it's too late because,
you know, the clock's ticking.
Exactly, and I'd rather
the missus not see the house
in its current state.
Exactly, which sounds
to me like more code...
for a jewelry heist.
I think the altitude up here
is having an adverse effect
on your cognitive skills.
Let's head down
and get the crazy
back to manageable.
Sounds good.
Why, after you, Mr. Claus.
Or should I say Mr. Kringle?
Must be hard keeping track
of all those aliases.
Randy, what's my name?
Reverend... Santa?
- Let's go.
- Is it not?
It's not
"Reverend Santa," Randy.
I like the mall
after close, empty like this.
Hey, everything okay with you?
Rev keeps asking me
the same thing.
I guess it's just
always been kind of tough
seeing kids being kids.
You know, holiday cheer
and things I missed out on.
It's never too late,
especially when you have people
you want to share it with.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
I do, but I think
I messed it up already.
You just gotta think,
"What can I do
better next time?"
Hey, Marge!
Hey!
What's all this?
Oh, nothing.
Just left something behind.
Yeah?
What's that?
The Christmas Star.
Looks like someone
has a little bit too much
egg in their noggin.
I have ears.
Not another word
until you're out.
Just relax, man, okay?
It's hard to
"relax, man," when you've
stopped a major crime
and the world will never know.
Bruce Wayne, I feel you, buddy.
Uh, Randy?
Security locks activate
on all the doors
when we shut down the power.
It's totally normal.
Although...
Not while you're still in here.
Yeah, Randy here in C Wing,
trying to bounce Santa.
What's going on?
Can you un-lockdown for a sec?
This normal, too?
Chilly Willy?
Dandy Randy.
His nickname for me.
Same reason I came back.
- For real?
- Same reason.
Wow.
Chilly here is a pro,
and he also thought
you might be up to something.
- You know, great minds, etc.
- That's great.
Can we please go home now?
I'm gonna need you guys
to give me your cell phones.
Phones?
Wait, okay, look,
all we gotta do is just
grab our stuff and go home...
Gimme the walkie.
Go get their phones.
Right, right.
Phones!
For security purposes.
Mine's in my jacket
in Santa's Village.
We were just heading over there.
Look, there's no need
to get your tinsel
in a tangle, alright?
There's no need for the gun.
Well, we, uh...
we got a tip.
Yeah, yeah, an anonymous tip
about a possible theft,
so we just gotta play it safe.
But if you guys want to
follow me to the office,
we can sort this all out.
Or we can talk right here.
I seriously need you to zip it.
Okay.
It's nice to be
seriously needed.
Follow me.
Partridge, I'm bringing you
four more chestnuts to roast.
Copy that.
Four more yule logs to chop.
Four new candies to cane.
- Roger.
- No, it's me, Chilly.
I'm bringing you
four more people.
We gotta make this...
Man has to have some respect!
Run!
Ooh!
Chilly!
Don't just stand there!
Hello?
Hello-o-o...
Nice echo.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la...
Laaa!
Okay...
So now what?
Hey, hey!
Where's Chilly?
We were ambushed.
I barely got away and...
What the...?
I, uh...
knew it!
I knew it!
It was all of them!
The whole Christmas crew,
and I saw right through it.
And her, I guess these days even
a woman can be the inside man.
Welcome to the new world order.
Solid work.
Randy, mall security,
and I do appreciate the assist.
So, what's our plan?
Nice to meet you, Randy.
Okay!
Well, first,
we remove the jewels,
relocate them
to a secure location.
- Makes total sense.
- No it doesn't!
Can't you see
he's the real thief?
Good luck trying to fill my head
with your conspiracy theories.
Nothing gets in here.
Yeah, we know.
Randy, call the cops.
Let's figure it out with them.
Oh,
I bet you'd love that, but...
we shouldn't do that?
What, and let them be heroes?
No!
No, we find the bad people,
we lock them up here first,
then we call the cops.
Hey...
Isn't it our time to shine?
I do believe it is, my good man.
What, seriously?
You believe that?
Now, you were probably
in on the last heist too,
weren't you?
Once a thief, always a thief.
Okay, Randy, go help
Chilly round up the others.
As long as they're free,
the Christmas Star
will never be safe.
It issafe!
It's literally in the safe!
It's literally in a safe.
Yeah, that youhave the code to!
So really, it couldn't be
in any more danger, could it?
Ooh, he's got you there.
You...
That Randy's
a special kind of special,
isn't he?
I like him.
I really didn't leave
my cell phone in the village.
Good!
I can probably get there if...
No, no, no, you stay here.
It's too dangerous.
I'm not letting you go.
I am not gonna lose you.
But I can do it.
Not letting me go is only
gonna backfire when I run,
'cause I run faster than you.
Okay, okay, okay!
We'll both go.
Uh... and bothget caught?
Dad, I love you, but we're
only gonna lose each other
if you don't let go of me.
Whoa...
Come on, come on!
Go, go, go, go!
Oh...
What'd she hit me with?
A bag of doorknobs or something?
Ugh...
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...
Great, now he's gonna
get to my phone first.
Nope.
Follow me.
And keep up!
Oh...
If we can get
to the front doors,
we can try and signal for help,
use these things as covers.
Come on!
Gabs, come on!
Psst!
Hello?
Anyone here?
We're securing
the Christmas Star,
so the smartest thing you can do
right now is just surrender.
Who's there?
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
Well, looky looky looky!
Hello there!
Huh.
Let me guess, I open you,
and a tarantula
jumps onto my face.
I'm not falling
for any dumb traps, people!
Remember who
you're dealing with.
Come on, Partridge.
I thought this life
was behind you.
Well, it will be.
So far behind I won't even
be able to catch a glimpse
past the palm trees
and pina coladas.
You know, it's a shame, though,
because it's gonna look like
the temptation was just
too great for you,
that you stole the jewels
and then you vanished
with your friends.
Vanished?
Vanished.
But first,
it's time to open my present.
Can't do that.
Go on, tell him, Nas.
The safe is wired into
a uniquely coded system
that supplies a combination.
With the power shut off,
network's down,
and I can't get the new combo.
So how do we get
the power back on?
How?
Well, I-I can still
use the computer.
It's on the same backup
as the emergency lights.
Okay, great!
So that's what we're gonna do,
but only until the safe is open,
and then right back off again.
You understand?
Woo!
I've seen that look
before in a woman,
and it never ends well for me.
Imagine that.
Hm.
So, the kid here is gonna do it
while I stand watch
with Rudolph.
And trust me on this, guys,
you do not want to make
his nose glow red.
Because if you are rude...
he will go off.
Rude-off!
What?
Shh, shh, shh!
If we get to the phone first,
even with bad reception
we can send an SOS.
Just tell me where it is
and I can probably get to it
before he does.
We'll go together.
Ah...
The dark is so stupid.
You can't see nothing.
Alright, the mall's power
is about to come back on,
and then I get a new code.
Where's the jacket?
Wait... all the
smoke machines are linked.
If the power's on, they all are.
Who's he talking to?
What are you doing?
Hey!
- Come here!
- Go, go, go, go!
Hey, what is this?
What's going on?!
I can't breathe!
I really hope
this isn't a gas leak.
I got you.
Stalking through a
winter wonderland
I got ya...
Oh... sorry,
your Holy Motherness.
Hold up.
If the power's on,
then that must mean
the security locks are off.
We can get to the roof
and signal for help!
Okay, come on.
Ah?
Ah...
It's like a Snoop Dogg concert.
What's happening?
Open it!
I might have missed my window.
The numbers change if you
don't do it fast enough.
Well, then
do it faster this time.
I will.
I'm getting the code right now.
Got it.
Turn everything back off!
Well, I just need
a couple seconds to...
Power down, now!
What?
What?
With all the off and on,
the system has gone
into override.
Oh, I've got a way.
Move.
Move!
Merry Christmas.
Figgy pudding!
We can still make it
to my phone before he does.
Oh.
Funny weather we're having.
Cloudy with
a chance of meathead.
Good thing
I found my new jacket.
The computer's shot.
Literally.
Well, it's a good thing
you're a smart kid.
Right?
Nas, bubby,
figure something out.
Come on, "Die Hard"?
Right?
Somebody?
Anybody?
Gruber?
Alright, forget it.
Just figure something out, kid.
You got a minute.
That's 60 seconds.
Go.
You thought you
were pretty clever, huh?
With your fog machine.
Proof of concept... go pockodile!
And this is
right where I left it!
Ow, get it off!
Get it off!
Get it off!
Come on!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- What?
1%.
Uh, it's okay.
- It's okay, it's okay!
- Dad!
9... 1...
Uh, my hands are so sweaty!
- Dad!
- It's alright.
9... 1...
Oh, it's dead.
Okay!
Time's up.
What's the solution?
Okay, I can do it,
but I need my laptop
and it's back in the village.
You're killing me.
Ouch!
- Have you seen anyone?
- No.
- How's the head?
- It's fine.
- I'm more worried about this now.
- What the heck is that?
I don't know,
but it really hurts!
- Okay, gimme the walkie.
- Okay.
Stay frosty, snowman.
My name is not Snowman!
We can't give up, Gabs.
No matter how difficult it gets,
no matter what...
I got ya!
Chilly!
Double-time it back
to the village.
I need you to grab
the kid's laptop.
Hurry it up.
Copy that.
Heading north.
Chilly!
Come out to the mall,
we'll get together,
have a few laughs!
- Really?
- That's "Die Hard," bro.
Thank you!
Please,
go make like Christmas Eve
and wrap things up.
Yeah?
I get things.
Okay, another minute
and I should be able to trick
the dual core by spoofing
its signature integration.
It's a good thing
the power's out.
He would have just
set off a nerd alert.
I'm kidding!
Kid, I'm impressed.
You're like
the hacker in "Die Hard."
Yet another awesome reference
I'm sure you don't get.
Let me get this straight...
Are you telling me
you've never seen
the greatest Christmas movie
of all time?
No, I haven't seen it.
It's unbelievable.
I mean, we're only talking
about an almost perfect movie.
Almost!
Except for the end when they
drop the hero off the building
and they let that maniac cop,
John McClane, live...
which is completely ridiculous!
Okay, okay, you got this.
Stick with the plan.
- Whoa!
- Aah!
Oh my God!
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
Oh!
Okay, everybody get in!
Get in, get in!
Thank God y'all are okay.
But I'm not gonna
let them get you again!
We'll keep them out there
and stay in here forever
- if we have to.
- Ugh, Dad!
That's just it... nothing will
ever happen to me, ever!
Because you don't
give me any space.
I...
I don't think we're talking
about the same thing, Skip.
There's some pretty
bad guys out there.
Of course I don't mean now.
I mean... always.
It's like what Gabs
said to me earlier.
Gabs says a lot of things.
You know me!
What was it this time?
It was about being scared.
This whole not letting me
grow up thing is...
it's you being scared
of it happening.
Well, I think that there's
a big difference between
not letting you
and not wanting you to.
Yeah.
But it doesn't feel like it.
Not with you.
Well, I mean, maybe I am scared.
You growing up
means you leaving.
Yeah.
And that's gonna happen, too.
This is weird.
What?
You talking to me
like a grown-up.
Momma would say,
"Get used to it."
So you lost them again?
Yeah, but not on purpose.
Amazing.
That's just...
It's amazing.
Okay, you know what?
We'll have the jewels any second
now, so forget the others.
We'll just lock them out
of the basement as we jingle
all the way out of the sewers,
tying up all loose ends
in a perfect, little bow.
When we blow up the mall!
Hey, buddy.
Quick question...
"Blow up the mall"?
Now, is that like
a cool new way of saying
"We're gonna leave"?
You know, like, "Let's
blow this Popsicle stand."
Why would anybody want
to blow up a Popsicle stand?
It was a saying.
I don't even know
what a Popsicle stand is.
Whatever, you're acting
really weird right now.
- Are we cool?
- We're cool.
So...
Are you blowing up the mall?
- No?
- Okay!
That's good.
That's a good thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So this is
taking a long time, huh?
Maybe you could source us
some snacks or something.
Absolutely!
Don't want you to get hangry.
You might end up...
blowing up the mall!
No, I'm not!
- The power's off, Randy.
- I know.
I was the one that
told you that.
Partridge, you still there?
Uh, yeah, not for long.
Blow up the mall?
We have to find
the others and get them out.
They could be anywhere.
But I think I know
how we can find them.
- You almost done?
- Yeah, you done?
Let's find out.
Let's find out.
Okay, now we can power up.
Okay, and getting the code now.
Okay, now turn it off again.
Okay, back away.
Back.
Ice, ice, baby...
- Hey, no!
- Go!
- Supply room!
- I don't know where that is!
I'll be right behind you.
- Marge...
- Yeah?
Ow!
Argh!
Aah!
Ow!
Hey, Skipper?
We were just talking
about being scared.
It made me start thinking.
Made me realize I don't tell you
all enough how much I need you,
how grateful I am
that we have each other.
The lord put us together
for a reason,
to help each other
when we need it most.
Because together,
we can do just about anything.
If we work together now,
no one's getting in.
Exactly.
So come on, let's do this.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Psst!
How did you get here?
You okay?
Where's Nas?
Nas got out, too.
But we need to find him
and get out before
they blow this place up!
What?!
Come on, y'all!
Turn the other cheek,
there's another door behind you!
Hark, the herald angels sing!
Glory to our newfound bling!
- Ha, nice.
- Eh?
- Can I see it?
- No.
Oh, we might be too late!
Let's blow
this Popsicle stand, huh?
Ha!
I told you that was a saying!
I didn't say it wasn't,
I just don't know
why it's a saying.
Oh, the gates were
all down, but you know,
it's crazy how much
perfectly good food
people just throw away.
I mean, who says to themselves,
"Yeah, I only really
needed half a corndog"?
Who eats half a corndog?
Dummies.
Don't answer.
Don't answer.
Nas, you in here?
Nas?
Where is he?
If we don't find him
fast before those guys make it
to the basement tunnels,
we are done for.
But they ain't going
anywhere without the star.
Too bad, they already have it.
For now.
Are we thinking
what you're thinking, Rev?
I think you are.
They won't blow up
the mall without those jewels,
- so all we gotta do...
- That's right.
We got to steal back
what they stole first.
It's time for a Christmas heist.
Well, Rev, I'm in.
If I creep up on them,
I think I have a way
to steal back that case.
Okay, but be careful.
You be careful.
Just keep 'em busy
until we're ready here.
So, Rev, you got a plan?
Not yet.
But you know what they say:
it takes a village.
Now let's deck their halls!
With temporary
power back-up in the village,
this is where we make our stand.
So, we've secured the package.
Can you remind me what's next?
Hey, what the heck!
Okay, I'm calling
a team meeting right now.
Sorry, Randy.
Hey, who's there?
Forget this.
We should just go.
Are you laughing at me?
I said, who's there?
Augh!
Okay.
Hey!
She's stealing the jewels back!
Let's go!
Slow down, slow down!
We're just trying to talk to ya!
Oh, little dumb-er boys!
What are you...
Let's go!
Get ready.
Here we come!
Keep stalling!
We need more time!
I'm trying!
Alright!
These reindeer games are over.
Reverend, we're out of time!
And out of luck!
Now, very carefully,
put the jewel case down.
Careful...
If you say so.
No, no, no!
My groin, my groin!
Hey!
Whoa!
Augh!
Hey!
Whoa, hold up!
Well, well, well,
looks like Santa got his hand
caught in the cookie jar.
Who, me?
I-I'm not Santa.
That guy is probably
over in Mexico by now.
No kidding!
That's where I'm supposed to be.
What the...
Silent night.
A little too silent.
Alright, Randy, climb
the ladder, grab the jewels.
Chilly, stand watch.
Oh, come on!
I got it!
Ah!
Ow!
Oof...
I'm good!
Yeah, I'm good.
Oh, what is this, camel poop?
It's toffee.
Okay, places, everybody.
Hey, back up, train!
Aah!
I can't see!
I can't hear!
What's happening?!
Randy!
Randy, where are you?
Aah!
What the...?
Aah...
Aah...
Chilly?
Chilly?
Chilly?
Chilly?
Oh...
Partridge?
Is that you?
Quit goofing off!
Listen to me: I was thinking
we can pin all of this
on Marge and Randy
working as a team.
- What do you think?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Good, yeah.
- Good.
I'm gonna finish this off.
- Watch my back.
- Huh?
- Watch my back!
- Okay.
Ugh...
Uh-oh!
Oh!
Argh!
Oof!
That hurts.
Chilly Willy?
Rocks beat scissors!
Yes!
Oh, that guy just
got his sleigh bells rung!
Is it too late to
get off your naughty list?
Never.
I'm sorry I doubted you,
Reverend Wright.
It takes a big man
to admit he's wrong.
It's snow over the mountain.
And for calling you names
like Crisp Pringles.
Alright.
And Santa Blobs.
Alright, Randy.
- Old Saint Thick.
- No.
Hey, where's Skipper?
- Where you been?
- Nas!
I hate to ruin the reunion,
but look who's holding
all the Christmas cards now.
Hey, hey, hey!
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
See, this is where
I disappear to a heaven on Earth
while you all earn rewards
under 100 tons of rubble.
Let her go.
Take me instead.
If you hurt her, I swear...
What?
What?
What are you gonna do, elf boy?
Hmm?
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-later!
Or more like never.
You know, you all should
take the next few minutes
for goodbyes,
because, uh, it's over!
Let's go.
Hey...
Marge, I know you have ways
of getting to the basement
- before he does.
- I'm coming with you.
I know she's
your daughter, alright?
But you're all my family,
and I need you, Jack,
I need you to get the rest of
the group to safety, alright?
Please trust me.
- Hold on, Rev, you...
- Hey...
I feel the same way,
but I gotta split.
Just tell me later, alright?
I will see you again.
Alright.
Best two out of three, Randy...
I'm comin'!
Ah, ah, ah!
Don't think you're getting
the jewels back again, Reverend.
You had your chance.
It's not about the jewels.
I got people I care about and
I'm not leaving without them.
Aw, that's sweet.
But I'll do you one better...
You're not leaving at all.
But hey, at least you lived long
enough to see Christmas, right?
And five bullets means I brought
shiny new presents for everyone.
Everyone?
You didn't think
we'd go without you, did you?
Enough already!
There's just one
last thing I want to say,
because you almost completely
ruined my favourite holiday...
Go elf yourself!
Okay, it wasn't that funny.
Ah!
Hey, hey!
Augh!
Yippee ki-yay, stocking stuffer.
Augh!
Donny, bubby,
"Die Hard" is my
favourite movie of all time.
Yeah, I really
thought we were buddies.
But it was all just a crock.
Alright, thank you.
Cops on the way.
So, uh...
You were saying
something earlier?
Just that I'm sorry.
I got so mad and...
I thought you were
turning your back on me.
Never gonna happen, Nas.
I mean, the only reason
we got through this
is because we got
through it together.
Yeah.
I think being together...
makes us all better.
Better together!
Amen to that!
Nas, you don't know
how much you helped me.
Hey, Gabs.
Hey, well, I did wait
until Christmas morning!
Oh!
Ah!
Guess who's going to Paris?
Really?
Thank you, Charles.
For everything.
Thank you, sir.
Mm-hm, same to you.
That was Mr. Himmel Jewellers
himself.
Said that he's gonna
triple what you raised
- for the Children's Hospital.
- Oh!
- For real?
- Mm-hm!
The man said we saved Christmas.
It was the least he could do.
I'm so glad you guys are safe!
I was almost home
when I got your text.
Oh, no tears.
Everyone's fine.
No, that's
not why I'm emotional.
We just took the test too early.
I took it again last night.
Is this a plus sign?
It sure is.
Because we're about
to have a plus one.
You're excited, right?
Whoa, whoa!
It's okay, it's okay!
I rejigged it.
Relax!
Ha-ha!
Oh!
Oh, wow...
Baby, I couldn't be
more excited for us
to be parents together.
This is the best
Christmas gift ever.
I wrapped your gift today
Tied a pretty ribbon all around
Wrote a few words down
Read it to myself
to see how they sound.
Guys!
Guess who's having a baby?
Just how much
you mean to me
I got your Christmas right here.
So...
What are you lookin' at?
You think I won't fight a child?
I'll fight a child!
That's right.
Can I say it first?
You're sweating profusely.
Oh, it's the Spandex.
It's not breathable.
Talk to the Rev; we'll
get cotton fibres next time.
Faith Heist 2!
And cut!