Fake$ (2025) Movie Script
(light rock music)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
No, it's the best movie
theater in the country. Easy.
There's never been anything like it.
Aren't there like 30 other
theaters called the Strand?
I guess, but none of them
play '90s movies all the time.
You give way too much credit to the '90s.
Yeah, because the '90s were awesome.
Okay, there was like a new Jim Carrey movie
like every other month.
You come to this theater every day,
you see every stupid movie.
What are you gonna do if
we close down someday?
No, no, I'm, I'm never
gonna let this place go.
You should have seen
the drive-in on Route 9.
That was a theater.
I could seriously see myself
owning a theater like this when I'm older.
It'd be way too much work.
Plus all the kids that work here suck ass.
Well, present company excluded.
I'll find non-ass-suckers.
And I'll put in a section for DVD rentals.
It's so old-fashioned.
Well, I'm a big believer
in the power of nostalgia.
You're delusional.
And the Strand is just a movie theater.
It's not just a movie theater, okay?
It's, it's, it's a church,
a temple, a palace to the greatness
of Quentin Tarantino and Amy Heckerling.
I thought it'd be harder
for you to come here
since your dad passed away.
No, no. Not at all, actually.
In fact, I'm keeping his crusade alive.
Right.
Look, the Strand gives out floss.
No other theater gives out floss.
I'd stay here forever
and I'd have zero regrets.
You know what I'd actually do?
I would, I would turn
the concessions into a loft
and then make a neck
pillow of melted milk duds.
You could be my butler.
As flattering as that sounds,
I think you should probably go.
Okay, how about
butler/executive assistant?
Oh my God, no.
With, with benefits. Not the sexual kind.
I mean, like, like dental.
Isn't that the officer that's
been chasing you around?
(exciting music)
Shit.
(exciting music continues)
(exciting music continues)
Shannon!
(door closes)
Shannon, this is perfect.
I never see you in the middle of the day.
I'm not an Uber, Newton.
And I'm not a paying customer.
I just need to ride to school.
Shouldn't you be at school already?
Yeah, and mom's gonna kill me
if she finds out I played hooky again.
That really sounds like a you problem.
I can do your homework for a week.
I'm in college.
You're not even good at 9th grade homework.
I can clean your room for a month.
I don't want you in my room.
Okay. How about this?
There's a truant officer chasing me down,
and since you already let me in the car,
you're an accomplice.
Cops? Are you kidding me?
You can't get another strike, right?
No Lowell with the sexy gentleman in Pike.
You know I don't date
guys in Pike anymore.
- Let's go.
- Uhn-mm.
Drive.
Newton!
Shannon, please, just drive!
(exciting music fades)
What's with all this junk?
That was a birthday present from Dad.
It's pretty badass.
It's a kid's toy.
Unicorns can be badass.
You pretend that everything
dad did was so awesome.
In dad's defense,
he was at the Strand
opening day in the '90s.
That, that's respect for eternity.
You know, you need room in your brain
for things besides movies,
like fashion or parties
or Greek life or girls.
I think my brain is like 90% movies,
5% (indistinct) and 5% pandas.
Pandas?
Our furry black and
white brothers and sisters.
All I'm saying is you
put too much faith in dad
and movies and pandas.
But, but the thing is movies are awesome.
Movies are why you're
on the run from the cops
at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday.
(siren wails)
Are you kidding me?
(Newton gulps)
Oh, hi, officer.
License and registration, please.
Shannon.
Oh my God, it has been a while, huh?
Yeah, of course.
Way too long.
You remember me?
Of course, yeah, from that time.
Pete Barrett, we went
to high school together.
Of course.
I was a senior when you were a freshman.
Oh, are, are you the one
who tried to ask me to prom?
Yeah, I was in the Glee Club.
The Gleeks in the Sheets.
School allowed that name?
Look, Officer, I am so, so sorry
if I was going a few
miles over the speed limit.
Oh no, Shannon, do not worry.
I'm actually here for this young man.
Principal Isaacs called.
Said you were absent again, hmm?
No call from mom or dad?
Look, Officer, I was
actually bringing Newton
right back to school.
He had a doctor's appointment
and, you know, our mom,
she's just so busy working at the hospital.
Is that so?
Yeah, I, I mean,
Newton would never do anything stupid
like cut class to go to the movies.
Absolutely not.
He has a medical condition.
Right.
But now that the doctors
have removed his head from his ass,
I don't think he'll be
missing any more school.
Definitely not.
Wait, what?
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize, Newton,
that you suffered from psychoglutiosis.
That's, that's a serious condition.
Anyway, I was just bringing him back,
and I'm sure he's not
gonna miss any more school.
Well, then let's get
you two on your way, huh?
Hang on.
Um, actually, Shannon,
I think I'm gonna need
you to step out of the car.
What?
Or should I say Penelope?
Look, we'll be a lot more forgiving
if you just tell us where you got it.
It was just some random guy in town.
I never met him in person, I promise.
Of course not.
Look, you can't hold us here.
Having a fake ID isn't like a felony.
Actually, yeah, it is.
Seriously?
Wait, that means she can't
vote or go to NBA games?
Hey, no more sass out of you, Bucko.
All right?
Now I don't know what they're teaching you.
Those good for nothings
on the Disney Channel,
but newsflash, cutting class is not hip.
Okay, you're not even a real cop.
I am so a real cop.
I mean, in the 4th grade
when we would play cops and robbers,
I was a cop at least 85% of the time.
That doesn't qualify you to be a cop.
I watch "Die Hard" every
Christmas with my mother
who I should say hates workplace violence.
You're so not a cop.
I eat donuts constantly.
The "Law and Order" theme is my ringtone.
And it's ridiculous that
I even have to say this,
but I even have a badge.
(hand patting)
Okay, well, it's, I don't
have it on me at the moment,
but I do have one.
Is this it?
Okay, you just gimme.
Try not to delinquentify the area.
I'll be right back.
Who's that?
Cornelius Isaacs,
new principal at the high school.
He's even scarier
than Darth Vader, Biff Tannen,
Regina George combined.
Well after that, a chase ensued.
A chase? He's a child.
Everyone talks trash
about him at the school.
I won't say what they call him,
but it rhymes with smooshbag.
It's a, it is a fast scooter
and he knows the streets very well.
Gross.
Trio of evil alert.
I repeat, trio of evil alert.
- Yeah, I know.
- Right over there.
God, I hate your son.
(Barrett clears throat)
All right, you two are free to go.
But, Shannon, you have to come back
and pay a fine by the end of the month.
So I will be here for that.
Newton, no more getting into trouble.
Otherwise, Officer Barrett
can arrange a summer in juvie.
(slow gentle music)
(Shannon speaks indistinctly)
Maybe if you were really shamed...
Okay, well, it's not my problem.
Do you think I need this shit?
Okay, well... Hey, get back here.
I'm not done with you.
I didn't raise you for this kind of
[Shannon] You didn't raise me!
[Cindy] Oh. Oh, nice.
Um, Mom and Shannon are arguing again,
so you shouldn't go down there.
(gentle music continues)
(door closes)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(phone buzzing)
(slow uplifting music)
(slow uplifting music continues)
(suspenseful music)
Ah, don't! Stop, stop please!
I surrender. I surrender, please.
Not cool, man.
Don't worry, it's all stale anyways.
Oh, that makes it so much more worse.
Wait, no, no, no, no, no.
(movie playing)
(slow uplifting music)
(slow uplifting music fades)
(dramatic music)
Mr. Conrad!
Are you insane, Mr. Conrad?
Everyone loves this place.
You can't just close it down.
Newton, you're fighting
the good fight and I love that.
I wish I did more of
it when I was your age,
but this is a done deal.
Three more weeks then
the theater's for sale.
Well, why not give
it another year or four,
you know, just till I leave for college
or become really rich and buy you out.
To be frank, the only reason
we stayed open this long is
because of a good
investment I made a while back.
I should have retired years ago.
Okay, well, why can't
you sell your jet ski?
Too much sentimental value.
We could sell our
organs on the black market.
That doesn't sound like a good idea.
We could prostitute ourselves.
No.
Mr. Conrad, listen,
you play "The Sandlot"
every Memorial Day weekend,
and it was the first
movie my dad took me to
when I was six years old,
and we came every single year.
But this year he was too sick to go.
So he made me promise
that I'd see it next year at the Strand.
Can't you just stay open till May?
I can talk to the next owner,
see if he'll play "The Sandlot."
No, no, see, that's just
not gonna happen, okay?
No one cares about classic
movies besides you and me.
By next Memorial Day,
the Strand's gonna be a yoga
studio or, or a whore house.
It's simple dollars and cents.
We just don't have the
money to stay operational.
Well, how much money do you need?
Pardon?
How much money to keep the Strand open
until Memorial Day next year?
There's overhead, utilities,
rental costs for film prints,
insurance, both property and equipment,
and we have a full staff to pay.
How about you just tell me a number?
It'd be about $8,100,
and that's just for until
the end of next May.
$8,100?
Plus, ticket and concession
sales would have to be steady.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
The past isn't dead, Mr. Conrad,
and neither is the Strand.
Wait, what?
I'm gonna get this place
the eight grand it needs.
You watch, Mr. Conrad!
Or you could just play a sport!
(exciting music)
Yeah Yeah
Whoa
My life is an uphill battle
battle keeping me on my toes
It's delicate and fragile
When it stops, nobody knows
It takes time to get it right
Practice days and practice nights
It takes time to get it right
And oh, oh, oh
I kept my head straight
Through the ups and
downs and the constant lying
I'm calling checkmate
You made your move
and I know you're trying
It's all a game
But I know for sure I'll play it safe
I'm calling checkmate
How could this not have worked?
It's already raining outside.
They're not gonna spend
money on a car wash.
Whatever.
I just dunno what to do now.
What about a lemonade
stand or a bake bake?
But I can't keep it away
It takes time to get it right
Practice days and practice nights
It takes time to get it right
But y'all don't say that
I've got my head straight
Through the ups and
downs and the constant lying
I'm calling checkmate
You make made your move
and I know you're trying
It's all a game
But you know for sure I'll play it safe
Oh, oh, oh
You thought you knew me
But I guess you didn't, so
Oh, oh, oh
You thought you knew me
That's it But I guess you didn't, so
I kept my head straight
Through the ups and
downs and the constant lying
I'm calling checkmate
Let's go. Abigail's circling the block.
I have a few extra cookies
left if you're interested.
I have a fine to payoff
and I'm out $100 for my fake,
so no, I'm not interested
in $6 for a plate of cookies.
It's actually $6 per cookie.
What?
Oh, it's actually $6 per cookie.
Jesus, Newton, no
wonder no one's buying them.
I can offer you 50% off.
That's the family discount.
You know, 100% off
sounds a little better to me.
(soft sincere music)
I do like love the effort though.
You know, we do fundraisers
in Kappa all the time.
Really?
Yeah, we only make
like five grand per event.
Holy shit. Seriously?
Yeah, people like hot sorority girls
more than nerdy losers.
It'd be different if I
could sell my sexuality.
Hey, I'm sorry for blaming
the fake thing on you.
Thanks.
If I have any money left
after saving the Strand,
I will reimburse you for your failure.
Oh, let me say goodbye to
Mr. Conrad before we leave.
Yeah.
Business booming tonight?
I only made 14 bucks,
and this cash box alone was 20.
Stupid cash box.
I told everyone who bought a ticket
they ought to come and see you.
I'm gonna make that
eight grand for you somehow.
I just need more time.
Is this new?
Just the last ditch effort
to make the Christian
parents in town a little happier.
It says I can't see R-rated movies.
That's right.
So kids my age can't see.
"American Pie" or "Scream" or even "T2"?
I must have turned away
40, maybe 509th graders this month.
What? 50?
So to get into an R-rated movie,
you're supposed to show...
A driver's license.
(inspirational music)
What about something that
looks like a driver's license?
I don't know what that
means, but I guess sure.
Shannon!
I'm sorry. You're telling
me you want to sell fake IDs?
I don't wanna sell them.
I wanna manufacture,
process, and distribute them.
Basically make a "Scarface"
esque empire, empire, empire.
We just got busted
by Officer Wets the Bed.
Remember that?
But it's the perfect setup.
That is what every idiot kid says
right before he goes to juvie.
Seriously, I know the
kids, you know the business.
I need the money.
I need the money too.
I have a fine to pay off, remember?
Yes, exactly.
And we'll sell enough
IDs to pay off your fine
and save the Strand.
And I'm on two strikes already.
Something like this could
mean that my life is over.
I could end up working at
Burger King or something.
Yeah, that would suck.
You know I prefer Wendy's.
Look, Shannon, this is your chance
to be brave and entrepreneurial.
Make something of yourself.
Don't you wanna prove to the doubters
that you're meant for greatness?
You know, for a 15-year-old boy,
you really do talk like
a motivational speaker.
Good. That means my magic is working.
Okay, but the guy I bought my ID from,
he supplies this whole town.
So I don't think we'll
be able to cut him off.
That's the best part.
What? We put money into these IDs,
and then we don't sell any?
No, no, no, the market strategy.
Do you know why they always open
a Disney movie the same weekend
as some super intense adult drama?
I'm feeling you're about to tell me why.
It's because there's no
crossover in demographic.
If we only sell to kids at my high school
Who think you're a loser.
Okay, that aside, none
of them know your guy.
He only sells to college kids.
I don't know.
You know what the Strand means to me
and what it meant to Dad.
Look, I promised him I'd be there next May.
(soft upbeat music)
(Shannon sighs)
Eight grand?
In three weeks.
And after those three
weeks are up, we're done, right?
Yes, absolutely.
So what's it gonna be?
Fine. Let's do it.
Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay, I got it.
I tell no one.
I need to tell you something.
He shouldn't be staying
out on a school night.
Yeah, because staying in and reading
clearly did you so much good.
It got me a full tuition scholarship
and a reference letter from a judge.
And a stick up your ass.
That stick is made of morality.
Okay, if you're so moral,
how about you defend me
next time I get in trouble?
I didn't commit myself to the law
to help reckless sorority
girls who drink their lives away.
I didn't make tequila so delicious.
Maybe if it tasted like burnt plastic,
I'd never get in trouble.
Tequila does taste
like burn plastic, Shannon.
Whatever.
Look, if you defended me,
there'd still be lots of
creative problem solving.
Hmm, pass.
Not like you anything better going on.
What?
You're 23 with no boyfriend, no BFFs,
and no interest in Jell-O shot Sundays.
And I'm better off.
I don't need gelatinous
alcohol to enjoy myself.
Ugh, you sound like this a thesaurus.
Thank you.
Look, all I'm saying is
it literally wouldn't kill you
if he just loosened up every now and again.
And it wouldn't kill you
to stop getting arrested.
Fine, you wouldn't defend me,
but, you know, I bet you'd defend Newton
if he got in trouble.
Newton isn't a troublemaker.
Yeah, but like hypothetically,
if he started some illegal crime ring,
would you defend us? (Clears throat) Him?
No, I wouldn't because
there is never an excuse
for immoral, unethical behavior.
Just stop screwing around.
Mom doesn't have the bandwidth for it,
and I'm never gonna be
the one to bail you out.
(crickets chirping)
[Krista] So why can't you
operate out of the Strand,
or even your house?
Well, Shannon and I need a place
where Abigail won't catch on.
Here's the key.
- A key?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
It's perfect.
I don't know.
I mean, this just doesn't feel right.
Have I ever led you astray?
Am I ever wrong?
- No.
- No, I'm not.
So it's gonna be great.
Okay, all right.
[Shannon] So this is it?
Well, it's not operational
yet, but yeah, this is it.
I thought all we needed was
like Photoshop or something.
No. No, Photoshop.
Okay, we're gonna do
this the old-fashioned way.
So the hard way.
I prefer to think of it as the fun way.
Have you even seen a fake ID before?
Have you ever seen a good fake ID before?
Look, all we need is some supplies.
First item on the checklist,
Abigail's old trifold.
[Shannon] She's not gonna
let us borrow any of her stuff.
[Newton] Yeah, that's
why we're not gonna ask.
You like sneaking around, right?
[Shannon] I guess.
[Newton] Once you get
the trifold back to the drive-in,
we commence part two.
[Shannon] Okay. What's part two?
[Newton] I print some stuff.
[Shannon] That seems way less risky
than stealing from Abigail.
[Newton] Mine will be risky too.
We tear off Abigail's sciency stuff,
then paste on my pages.
[Shannon] We're creating a giant license?
[Newton] It's gonna look
way better than you think.
[Shannon] Hmm, yeah. Not bad.
[Newton] Remember,
we're not going for great.
We're going for good enough.
Look, most of the 9th graders
probably won't even use them to drink.
(caper music)
It's the most perfect
thing I've ever seen in my life.
[Newton] After that, we
just need to print and paste.
[Shannon] Paste onto what?
[Newton] Well, uh, remember how you said
you like sneaking around?
[Shannon] Are you serious?
[Newton] A bunch of
those scam credit cards
have been coming in the mail lately.
[Shannon] So you want me to steal them
from our neighbor's mailboxes?
[Newton] No. I want
you to save our neighbors
from the evil scourge
of unwanted junk mail.
[Shannon] You don't need
to make it sound all heroic.
[Newton] Then we finish it
up with a little help from Dad.
[Shannon] Great. I'll
get the unicorn float.
[Newton] No, what?
I meant his old laminator.
We laminate the printed picture
onto a credit card and voila.
It actually turned out
better than I thought I would.
I did end up using Photoshop.
Somebody told of endless love
Ugh! Being grounded
means not playing music louder
than a cement mixer.
Bedroom eyes and pray
that we cannot see through
(rock music stops)
(intriguing music)
[Shannon] We just need to make sure
we sell enough IDs in time.
[Newton] We totally will.
[Shannon] What if we get caught?
Don't worry, this is foolproof.
Hey, idiots! What is all this stuff?
Ah, what stuff?
This stuff.
This stuff on the table.
I found it all in Shannon's room.
Oh, right.
Have you been tampering
with our neighbor's mail?
You know that's a federal offense.
And my trifold mysteriously went missing.
Abigail, there is a
super easy explanation
for all of this.
Yeah? Try me.
Well, um...
Um, it's a pyramid scheme.
We were selling credit cards to people
and coloring on them first.
What?
What he was trying to say is
that this is us showing
these scam artists of the world who's boss.
You know, we're taking
these cheapo credit cards,
and we're shredding them
and then printing IOU vouchers.
What the hell are you talking about?
Fine, it's a fake ID business.
Did you seriously give us away that easy?
You weren't doing anything.
- Coloring on them?
- Are you kidding, Shan?
Her whole deal is pre-law.
- What does that even mean?
I had it totally covered
with the pyramid scheme.
[Shannon] I was just out there by myself.
You wouldn't say anything.
Wait, Abby, what are you doing?
I'm calling the cops.
- No, no.
- No, no.
Please, please, please, please,
can we make something work?
You already broke the law.
I don't wanna go to juvie.
I don't wanna go to adult juvie.
Shut up, it's ringing.
We'll cut you in 10%.
- What?
- What?
10%.
You barely have time for a job,
and you don't have enough
money to afford dinner.
10% means you stay quiet.
You could be making money
without even doing anything.
You know, you could be like
the Kris Jenner of East Pine Mass.
(phone beeps)
Do we have a deal?
If you two caught by anyone
else, you're on your own.
That's not a no.
And if it's not a no, it's a yes!
[Abigail] Just let me know
when you start making money
and don't get caught.
(school bell ringing) (people chattering)
(locker closes)
You're Claire, right?
Yeah.
I saw you at the Strand the other day.
Of course we won't get caught.
It's not even that expensive.
(whistle whoops)xd
I wanted to talk to you
about your part-time job.
Oh, I don't do the whole
pretend to have sex with
people for money thing anymore.
Right, I was kind of talking about
how you take the SAT for your friends.
I'm not taking any new
clients for that either.
I bet I know how you do it.
(intriguing music)
It's a calculated mix of
cleverness and cautiousness.
Right, but beyond that,
I'm guessing the friends you took it for
all looked vaguely similar to you,
enough to confuse the
old guy proctoring the exam.
That isn't not accurate.
They gave you their IDs,
and the proctor thought you were them.
I'm still clever and cautious.
Of course you are.
But eventually
you'll run out of dumb
Asian girls to impersonate.
How would you like to a dumb white girl,
or a dumb Indian girl,
or even a dude with a gender ambiguous name
like Devin or Riley or Mackenzie?
There's no guy's named Mackenzie.
Look, I've got a new
business venture of my own.
(intriguing music continues)
I know for a fact that you
need to expand your business
in order to pay for band camp this summer.
And I need to expand my
business to save the Strand.
See, this is what we call
a symbiotic relationship.
We both benefit.
I know what a symbiotic
relationship is, Newton.
You skipped a grade, right?
I bet people already doubt
that you should be taking the SAT.
You know, it, it would be really nice
to make a crap ton of money
and have an ID that validates
how smart you are for your age.
What are we looking at money-wise?
All I need is 80 bucks and
a 15-minute photo shoot.
Not like that.
I just heard how that sounded.
I don't know.
Couldn't I just Photoshop
a bunch of IDs myself?
You could,
or you could stick to being
the SAT expert and trust me,
the fake ID expert.
You're the fake ID expert?
I've had zero complaints so far.
Are you gonna be weird and breathy
and stalk me until I say yes?
Yeah, pretty much.
(chill music)
Hey!
It's normal to act out, even misbehave,
but multiple counts of tardiness,
two absences in the first month of school,
and Mrs. Mathern tells me
you don't participate at all in algebra.
Mrs. Mathern is just a
grouchy old swamp wench
that gets off by making kids miserable.
She's my wife.
And what I meant by
swamp wench was smart wench.
Theft is unacceptable, Newton.
I didn't steal that money.
This is my cash box.
Newton, I'm a trained marksman.
I can look down the scope of a rifle
right through a man's
eyes and see into his soul,
so spare me the lies.
Okay, well you see, sir,
I'm trying to save the Strand, okay?
And it's closing in 12 days.
Claire was just helping
with the fundraiser.
Seriously.
Fine, take the cash box back.
But if I find out you are
lying, you are on probation.
Are we clear?
Crystal.
A mere second at the Strand
will feel like a cruise to St. Thomas.
Principal Isaacs, is it rude
to ask if you've ever smiled?
I was in a hunting accident
when I was 10 years old.
My father accidentally shot
me in the back of my head.
Oh my God.
I still graduated from
high school as valedictorian.
But the bullet permanently and irreparably
damaged my ability to feel joy.
Do you want to talk about it some more?
Get the fuck out of my office.
Right.
It won't happen again.
The fact that it happened once
is reason enough for concern.
You need to lose that cash box.
It's an advertisement for trouble.
But it has so much sentimental value now.
Get rid of it.
Or just like hide it, I don't know.
Fine.
We need to lock down that
money somewhere secure.
Okay, what do you, what do you suggest?
(Abigail scoffs)
What?
Nothing.
This is just typical.
You're coming to me
for ideas on something I want no part of.
Big sister Queen come to the rescue.
You want us to beg, Abigail?
Is that what you want?
You want us to go down
on our knees and say,
"Please, Queen Abigail, please help us.
You're our only hope."
Stop that voice.
You don't have to beg,
but showing some gratitude
would be nice every now and again.
Yeah, because you have
better things going on.
I could be reading a
fantasy novel at Panera Bread.
What?
I love their bread bowls.
I didn't think you loved anything.
Just say thank you.
[Both] Thank you, Abigail.
You're welcome.
Now here's what we're gonna do.
How much do you two
know about cryptocurrency?
My guidance counselor
has a lot of opinions on it.
It's been the butt of the joke
in the financial world the last few years
because no one using it knows how it works.
It's like they're all playing
darts with blindfolds on.
Then why would we use it?
Because I'm the only one not blindfolded.
That's cocky.
If we put the money on Tor,
it's untraceable and we can diversify,
which means we can earn
interest on the money as it comes in
and we don't have to
sell as many IDs overall.
Assuming the market stays hot.
I'm really not following,
but it's not gonna backfire on us, right?
No one has access to the money
unless they have my computer,
which never leaves my person.
How do you know those
much about this stuff?
I don't know. "Bloomberg"?
I thought we were just getting started.
Where are you going?
I have a whole secret life
neither of you know about.
You want to talk about it?
Maybe if you wanna ask sometime.
Well now we got the money
taken care of, what's next?
We grow the business big and fast,
and hope we don't get busted.
(exciting music) (basketball dribbling)
Hey, my guy, how would you like
to be the coolest dude in 9th grade?
Cooler than the model UN team?
Way cooler.
That's impossible.
All you need to do is invest
in laminated, falsified credentials.
You'll be the coolest
nerd at the high school.
Even cooler than I am.
What do we need fake IDs for?
You could go see "Fast
Times at Ridgemont High."
I don't even know what that is.
"Fast Times"? It's a classic.
And it's actually playing
at the Strand this weekend.
Mr. Conrad lets kids into
R-rated movies all the time.
Not anymore.
My mom could just take us.
Oh, "Fast Times" is not the kind of movie
you want to bring your
Baptist mom to, Christian.
Why not?
Phoebe Cates.
I don't know who that is,
but she sounds sensational.
Oh, she is.
Do you want to miss the opportunity
to meet her on the big screen?
I don't think so.
You'd regret it forever if you couldn't get
the sun and moon tattoo with
your sister on your birthday.
I know.
Why are the rules about tattoos
so weird in Massachusetts?
I don't know.
But personally you could
pass for an 18-year-old. Easy.
I actually thought you
were a senior already.
So what's it gonna be?
Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Yes.
(exciting music continues)
(iron hisses)
(exciting music continues)
(door opens)
Shannon!
(humdrum music)
You and me, huh, we keep
running into each other.
Yeah. What are you, like, stalking me?
No, no. (Clears throat)
No, that would be stupid.
But I do, you know, have some questions
that you could probably help me answer.
Okay. Shoot.
Actually it is probably better
if you come down to the
station with me for these.
Why?
Because they are about your involvement
in the fake ID business.
I found some pretty incriminating stuff
which you're probably gonna want to see.
(ominous music)
(door closes)
Mom, what are you doing home so early?
It's not that early.
I guess the night just got away from me.
Are you up to something?
No, definitely not. Just studying.
That's not true. I'm sorry.
I, I can't lie to you.
You don't deserve that.
I, I got a job,
an investment job with money and stuff.
Normal money.
Abby, that's great.
That's something you
don't need to hide from me.
Right.
Have I heard of the company before?
No, definitely not.
Just like the small local business.
Very under the radar, but totally legit.
I bet they're lucky to have you.
Sure.
(phone buzzing)
Shit.
Business sure is booming, huh?
I wouldn't know, Officer.
I'm minding my own
business like a good girl.
You know this guy in the car.
You mean that gray smudge?
I think you know that smudge.
Small, weak. Needs cash fast.
Not ringing a bell.
Thinks he's real clever.
A crafty little jackrabbit.
You know, I think photo quality
that bad really doesn't prove anything.
Shannon, you don't have
to keep protecting him, okay?
You're not gonna go down because of him.
I won't?
Of course not.
I mean, he's the one selling the fake IDs.
You're just a customer.
Oh, that's the guy I bought my ID from.
That's Ideity.
Yeah, sorry, what did you
think I was talking about?
Nothing. What did you
think you were talking about?
Anyways...
(dramatic music)
(gun firing)
(heart thumping)
I think you get the picture.
I swear I've never met that man.
He started by selling
false credentials to minors,
and now he's graduated to homicide.
What did the guy in the video do?
Apparently he was selling his own fakes
a couple towns over.
That's unsettling, for
more than one reason.
We haven't even found the kid yet.
Seriously?
Yeah, is that bad?
Yes, that's very bad.
Well, we don't think
that he's likely to come
after old customers,
so you should be fine.
But, you know, you
should probably still lie low.
I don't wanna lie low.
Shannon
I have been running from
the cops and from responsibility
and probably from trauma my entire life.
You know what? I wanna take
a stand against this asshole.
(divine music)
(clears throat) That's very brave of you
to have said, Shannon.
But it's
What if I run into Ideity
in a dark alley late at night?
You could call me.
What if I don't have cell
service and I don't wanna run?
What do I do?
I suppose you could
make a citizen's arrest.
What is that?
When you catch a person
and you know that they committed a crime,
you can ask them to stay
put until the police arrive.
That's perfect.
If I see Ideity, I'll
make a citizen's arrest.
Okay and if you see
that he has any weapons
I'll fight back.
You know, red really isn't my color.
Wow. It seems like the
fundraiser picked up fast.
I'm exactly 50% away to the empire.
All that's missing is an evil laugh.
You really don't need an evil laugh.
If I really wanna be a badass mob boss,
I need an evil laugh.
Okay, try it.
No, it's humiliating.
I'm here to workshop it with you.
Uhnt-uh, no.
Come on. Everyone is inside the theater.
Fine.
Wait a second.
What? No, no, you're not recording.
Go ahead.
Okay, okay, okay.
(maniacal laugh)
You sound like a sick tortoise.
That's what Shannon keeps telling me.
And why does your voice go higher?
It's supposed to go deeper.
I don't know.
I'm like halfway through puberty, I think.
Halfway, just like the empire.
The midpoint.
You know, if this was a movie,
something terribly wrong
would probably hopping right about now.
I think we're pretty good.
(phone buzzes)
One second.
Do you think Barrett's onto us?
I don't know.
But someone definitely is.
I saw a gray muscle car
skidding out of the drive-in
on my way to get Shannon.
Abigail, is the money?
The money's safe.
But look.
(ominous music)
We never should have been
so public about the operation.
I might as well have
thrown the IDs in a parade
and sing "Twist and Shout."
It was my fault from buying
from him in the first place.
As long as we stop now,
I think we should be safe.
But we're so close though.
We got a death threat, Newton.
I know, I know.
We listen to death threats.
Otherwise we die.
Yeah, I got that.
But isn't this like Rosa Parks?
She stood up for what she believed in.
No matter the consequences.
Continuing a third-rate fake ID business
is not the same thing as
standing up for racial inequality.
You know what I mean.
Come on. You guys love movies.
Documentaries.
Reality dating shows.
You're completely delusional.
I'm 15. Of course I'm delusional.
But I also know we can do it.
I'm with Newton.
What? We need like 30 more
IDs and then we'll be done.
Kappa just initiated his new pledges.
They're all gonna want fakes.
A wholesale.
That's perfect.
We just need to make 30
IDs by the end of the week,
then, then unload them
and and close up shop.
Ideity can have his town back
before we get murdered or whatever.
Exactly.
But we can't do it
unless we do it together.
Uhnt-uh, you guys are on your own here.
Abigail, wait.
You can't turn your back on us now.
We've never turned our backs on you.
Remember last year
at Mom's birthday dinner
when you got food poisoning?
We didn't just leave you in the
Outback Steakhouse bathroom.
We got you some wet wipes, a
new dress, and some Imodium.
Remember?
Or how about when you
got stood up for prom,
and I made Newton sneak
in that douchebag's house
and leak all over his bed?
It was the most exhilarating pee
I've ever taken in my entire life.
We stick together through everything,
through the food poisoning,
and the bad prom dates,
and the death threats.
Especially the death threats.
(sighs) This is
incredibly ill-advised, but...
I guess you're right.
Family sticks together.
Did you just say I was right?
Don't make a big thing out of it.
She might as well call
you a genius next time.
(Shannon and Newton chuckle)
You two are unbearable.
Yeah, but you know
you can't live without us.
And this isn't just for you.
I'm only a few hundred dollars
away from reaching my own financial goals.
Student loans?
A new car?
Taylor Swift tickets for me and Mom.
You don't like Taylor Swift.
I love Taylor Swift.
You've literally like
never mentioned her once.
I usually don't feel worthy
enough to invoke her name.
30 IDs. 30 IDs is all we need.
We'll make them Saturday
while Mom's at work.
And I guess Abby already
has her soundtrack planned.
Let's just hope that whack job
doesn't figure out where we live.
Yeah, about that.
I think it's a little too late.
I've seen enough movies
know that the mystery bad guy
is probably someone we know.
(expectant music) (people chattering)
Sorry, sir, I'm on my way to class.
No trouble. Off you go.
Principal Isaacs, your hands got...
Is that red spray paint?
It's none of your business.
(feet stomping)
[Newton] We're about to
do something pretty stupid.
[Krista] Stupider than usual?
Maybe like 4.5% more stupid.
I need you to quantify that.
We're gonna break into
Principal Isaacs' office,
and prove he's Ideity.
You're kidding, right?
Trust me. I know it for a fact.
We just need to find some evidence.
And you're basing this on what?
A very, very strong hunch.
Based on everything you told me,
it sounds more likely
that the cop is Ideity.
The uniform is just a cover.
But Officer Barrett was
at the police station with Shannon
the same time Abigail saw
the car leaving the drive-in.
Maybe he has an accomplice.
"Scream" taught us
there's always two killers.
You need to stop basing
every one of your arguments on "Scream."
So, a little high school trespass?
I don't know.
It kind of feels like you not wanting
to face the reality that
the Strand is closing.
If, and I say that with
a big, big uppercase I,
you know, uppercase F,
if the Strand closes, what happens to us?
What do you mean?
Well, we only ever hang
out when you're at the Strand
and I'm at the Strand.
We can hang at other
places besides the Strand.
It doesn't feel that way.
Look at me.
There will be plenty of cool places
for people to see movies,
and there'll be plenty of cool places
for you and I to get into trouble,
even if the Strand closes.
Promise?
I'd swear on my "Scream"
steel book if I had it with me.
Okay, well if we could really
get into trouble anywhere,
could one of those places
be Principal Isaacs' office?
You had to ruin the moment
by asking me to commit a crime?
(intriguing music)
(door handle rattles)
[Newton] I, I think we need a key.
We literally just have to open it.
See, they keep the doors unlocked.
It still feels like
breaking and entering.
Our tax dollars pay for this place,
might as well be a playground.
Okay, okay.
Why, why don't you check those cabinets?
There might be something there, I dunno.
There's literally nothing in here.
There's nothing in that one either.
Okay.
(drawers shuffling)
(intriguing music continues)
[Krista] None of this has anything.
Just tons of like those folder things.
Some inspirational
Oh wait, I, I, I think I found something.
What? Lemme see.
Um, SATs.
Wait, wait, wait, client database.
[Krista] That could be
something, you never know.
It says 120.
That's how much Ideity charges for his IDs.
[Krista] Oh my God.
[Newton] Why doe he have these photos?
Why are pictures of
the kids? It's so creepy.
(eerie music)
Why is there a picture of you?
I don't, I don't, I don't know.
Wait.
(eerie music continues)
Red spray paint.
We need to leave.
All right, now we need
to drop the evidence at the police station,
but Barrett can't know it's coming from us.
I'll call the station and
get him out of there.
(dial tone ringing)
Hello? Yeah, this is,
is this the East Pine Police Department?
Yeah, I'd like to report some mischief
on First Congregational
Church on Maple Street.
Yeah, well, you see,
those no good Boy Scout truants are back,
and they've been harassing me for years.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
Yes, that'd be perfect.
An officer should drive by.
Excellent.
Yes, perfect.
All righty, God bless you.
All right, thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
All right, five, four, three, two.
(door bangs open) (car alarm beeps)
Go, go, go, drop off the file.
Me? Why do I have to do it?
I'm the one that made the phone call.
Well, I didn't know we were picking
between the phone call and dropping it off.
I absolutely would've
picked the phone call.
Are you a good friend or what?
Let me get my sweatshirt.
(feet pattering)
What are you doing?
You let me drive all the time.
Fine, I guess we're dying tonight.
(seat belt clicks)
(door opens and closes)
(engine humming)
(engine humming continues)
(tires screech)
Oh my God, that's him.
What?
That's the principal's car!
I saw it leaving the school the other day.
(dramatic music)
(gun fires)
(tense rising music) (heart thumping)
(heart thumping continues)
(crickets chirping)
So that was him?
Yeah, that was him all right.
I'm sure the police will
arrest him anytime now.
That still doesn't fix our trauma.
Yeah, I guess not.
Abigail told you not to screw around,
and you did anyways.
What? Don't take her side.
You're my friend.
Yeah, when it's convenient.
What's that supposed to mean?
When you're like breaking
into the school and shit
looking for the documents,
that's when you asked me to be your friend.
When you're building your little empire,
you asked your sisters instead of me.
I, I, I didn't think you wanted to help.
I didn't, but it would've
been nice to have been asked.
Okay, I'll, I'll make more
of an effort next time.
There's not gonna be a next time.
Right, because the
empire is over tomorrow.
No.
There's not gonna be a next time for us.
What?
I'm done with you.
Friendship is supposed to be
a two-way street, you know?
I'm there for you for everything,
and it's been really hard
for you, for your dad, I get it.
I feel so bad that you
had to deal with that.
But at the same time,
other people have shit,
and other people need you to help.
And then you made me feel bad
about not wanting to go out
and for getting you shot at.
I need to take care of myself too.
I need you to get out.
What?
I need to get the fuck out of my car.
(contemplative music)
(door closes)
(contemplative music continues)
(engine starts)
(gravel crunching)
(contemplative music continues)
Did he come home last night?
I don't know.
You're always the one complaining
about his badger feet
running up the stairs.
Well, he knows we need
30 of these things done
by five o'clock.
Do you really love Taylor Swift?
Yeah.
Okay, but let's focus on Newton.
I bet he's just off getting
us like donuts or something.
(phone buzzing)
Speaking of donuts.
Hey.
[Barrett] Shannon.
We, we had an anonymous
tip last night in the Ideity case.
Really?
[Barrett] Yeah, we're
following the tip right now.
Seems a bit sketchy.
There's no chance you had
anything to do with this, right?
Absolutely not.
[Barrett] Okay, you didn't like go rogue
and investigate it by yourself?
No, no, no.
I, I didn't tell anyone about
Ideity except for my family.
Hey, can I call you back?
[Barrett] I, I'd love
to get to the bottom
Evidence incriminating Ideity shows up
at the police station the
same night Newton disappears.
He just said he was
going out with Krista.
That was probably just a lie.
He wouldn't involve her.
Yeah, he totally got me involved.
We got run off the road and shot at.
- Oh my God.
- Are you okay?
I'll be fine.
So he didn't come home last night?
You couldn't find him?
We don't know.
That's why we called you.
He and I had a fight at the drive-in.
Oh my God, what if he dies?
Don't say that.
Can you help us look for him?
Of course.
We'll be right over.
[Shannon] Are you sure
he's not at the Strand?
[Krista] Mr. Conrad said
he checked three times.
Hey, Krista, I meant to ask,
did you ever get any better at algebra
after I tutored you last summer?
No, actually I got worse.
I started selling NFTs, so I dropped out.
Guys, can you focus please?
If he's not at the drive-in
and he's not at the Strand, where is he?
I think I know.
But it's the last place he'd ever wanna go.
Where?
To see our dad.
(somber music)
It's just ever since the funeral,
Krista's been there for me.
Always there for me, you know?
And I put her in danger.
Now, I don't know how
I can make things right.
You know I talk to you every day?
And if you had some
advice from the afterlife,
now would be the time.
Of course not, of course not.
You know, the ironic thing is,
I've been raising all
this money for the Strand,
but I've barely gone since
we started selling IDs.
I, I've just been having so much fun
spending time with Shannon and Abigail,
I, I almost forgot the whole
reason I'm doing all this.
Unless the real reason
I've been doing all this
is to spend more time
with Shannon and Abigail.
(gentle music)
Listen, I need to tell you guys
What the fuck is wrong with you?
We sent you like a million texts.
And called nonstop.
We left voice mails. Voicemails!
You just don't come home last night
after you get run off
the road by a lunatic?
Look, I know it wasn't the smartest idea,
and I'm really sorry.
You know, they arrested an
innocent guy because of you?
Innocent guy?
What are you talking about?
The principal, he's not Ideity.
He runs a tutoring and mentors hip program.
That's what the folder was for.
He thought you'd use some
guidance from college students.
But, but the red spray paint.
Apparently he just repainted
the rectory at St. Mary's.
So you break into a
Christian principal's office,
steal his stuff when
he's trying to help you,
and you frame him for murder.
But in my defense
Nope! No defense, Newton.
I'm gonna say something to you,
and it's gonna be pretty harsh, okay?
You are living in a fantasy world.
In real life, people don't go chasing
after someone who sent them a death threat.
In fact, they don't
start a fake ID business
to save a movie theater.
You're...
You're just a kid who no
one wanted to say no to
because his dad died.
And we should have said no
before we broke the law with you,
before your friend got shot at,
and before you started
thinking you were an action hero.
Shannon, you feel the same?
I think this may have been a mistake.
You know, I thought the hardest thing
was saying goodbye to Dad,
but now it feels like
I'm losing the two of you.
I just wanted someone to
be there for me, you know?
But I guess I shouldn't have been so stupid
to think that you guys
would be there forever.
(slow gentle music)
Oh my God.
Where's my laptop?
(slow gentle music
continues) (air swooshing)
I had a really expensive
laptop on our kitchen table.
Well, I mean, obviously
insurance covers a lot of that.
Yeah, so are we like okay
in the house and everything,
Oh yeah, no. I mean, yeah.
Because they could come back?
But I'm, yeah, I'm really
sorry about this, you guys.
[Abigail] Yeah, and if you guys find out
any more information, please let us know.
Do you recognize this man?
[Cindy] Yes, that's
the high school principal.
That is exactly right.
Last night someone dropped off
a case of quote, unquote, "evidence"
implicating this man in our investigation
with the fake ID business
that's being run in town.
Unfortunately, this man
has nothing to do with it.
And it was a false allegation.
And we have reason to
believe it was your son Newton
who dropped off the case, so...
(slow gentle music continues)
(slow gentle music continues)
(upbeat music)
(phone buzzing)
(upbeat music continues)
It's so weird to think
this is the end of the road.
You're telling me, I spent
more than 30 years here.
What do you think you'll miss the most?
Certainly the films.
Really?
I would expect you to say
the customers or the staff.
People come and go.
But old movies stay with you forever.
Yeah.
Do you think it's the
movie that stays with you
or the experience?
Help me understand the distinction.
Well, the first movie I ever
saw here was "The Sandlot"
when I was like six.
And it's a great movie,
but I was terrified of the neighbor's dog.
So to cheer me up, my
dad put popcorn up his nose
and then flared his nostrils,
and, and the kernels just
shot out like snot rockets.
And I wasn't so scared anymore.
In a lot of ways, saying
goodbye to the Strand,
it's like saying goodbye
to my dad all over again.
It's been an emotional
time for the staff too.
We're having a little goodbye soiree
at my cottage this evening.
You should come, it'll be cathartic.
Oh, that sounds really nice,
but I don't know if I
can get a ride though.
Well, the last show's almost done.
I'd be happy to give you a lift.
Oh, that's, that's super generous.
We're practically like
family after all this time.
It's no trouble.
(cups clap)
I hate to always be the
one to break the news
But we all seem to see the truth
(phone buzzes)
- Hello?
Shannon, guess what?
You don't have to guess.
I found Ideity, the real one.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
A car matching our description
ran a Volvo off the road the other night.
We, some neighbor I guess caught
the entire thing on a Ring camera.
I just thought I'd call and let you know
you got nothing more to worry about.
Yeah, that's great.
Wait, who is he?
I shouldn't say until we process him
just because it might be
like another principal incident.
But I can tell you that I
am on my way to his cottage
down by the lake right now.
He's at a cottage down by the lake?
Yeah, but I kept it vague.
Is this cottage on the Hideaway Lane?
Yes.
I shouldn't say that.
You, how do you know that?
(dial tone beeps)
(soft eerie music)
(doors close)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(switch flips) (phone buzzes)
(keys texting)
(eerie music continues)
(phone buzzes)
(tense music)
Uh, hey, Mr. Conrad, I'm
actually not feeling too well.
I think that's what happens
when you eat gummy worms and soda all day.
So I'm, I'm actually gonna head out.
But, but thanks for the invite.
You should stay, really.
Come to think of it,
I don't think I ever asked you
how you got the money for the Strand.
I mean, your bake sale
and car wash went south.
How'd you turn your bad luck around?
Well, you, you know
how resourceful I can be.
Grant's rich uncle died,
corporate settlement, bootlegging.
(chuckles) That's a lot of reasons.
Why don't you tell me the real one?
(Newton gulps)
(chuckles) If you hadn't
given them out at the Strand,
I might not have caught on.
Oh, I had such a soft spot for you.
But...
(foreboding music)
Business is business.
It didn't have to end this way.
I left you a very carefully worded threat.
But then you go and make
30 more IDs for the Kappas.
Betraying my mercy comes at a price.
(heart thumping) But you
said we were just like family.
I had to lure you here.
You're never gonna get
away with this, Mr. Conrad.
I have been getting
away with running fake IDs
in this town for over 20 years.
But, but, but you couldn't
cover up one murder
without getting caught.
How do you expect to do another?
That's the richest part.
Faking your suicide will almost be cliche.
Distraught teen who's all alone.
Daddy's just died. Sisters hate him.
And now his real home shuts down.
It's just too much to stomach.
You're wrong, Mr. Conrad.
I've never been alone.
(siren wailing)
(Mr. Conrad grunts) (gun fires)
(fraught music)
Shit.
(fraught music continues)
No, no, no.
(fraught music continues)
Pete.
Shannon, you haven't been
down to the theater in ages.
But these are such odd
circumstances for a reunion.
I know who you are and you're done.
My sister, she's calling the cops,
and they're gonna put
you away for killing that kid.
You know what?
I'm not gonna wait for them.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
(Conrad laughs)
I'm serious. Put your hands up.
[Barrett] Do it, Conrad!
(patriotic music)
What the hell happened to you, Barrett?
Everything all right?
What happened? You shot at me.
Not intentionally.
Damn boy got a hold of my gun.
I was just trying to
Drop it!
Shannon's got you dead to rights.
It's over.
Put your hands above your head.
Of course. Not a problem.
I'd be glad to.
Just as soon as you show me your gun.
Shit.
Duck!
(fraught music)
(gun fires)
(dial tone ringing)
(dial tone beeps)
Oh, dammit!
Abby, I don't wanna die
in Mr. Conrad's cottage.
Me neither, this place
smells like a cranberry bog.
(fraught music continues)
(feet pattering)
(gun fires)
(fraught music continues)
Requesting backup.
I am requesting backup on Hideaway Lane.
(gun firing)
Come, come on, come in.
(gun fires) (tire wheezing)
He shot the tire.
We need to make a run for it!
No, the last thing we do!
He can shoot us and he has a running car.
Then how do we get out of here?
Mr. Conrad has got
a jet ski at at the dock.
We take it across the lake
and we call 9-1-1 when we get service.
The jet skis only seats two people.
We can't leave anyone behind.
I think I got a fix for that.
(fraught music continues)
(stairs banging)
(gun clicks)
(fraught music intensifies)
Barrett.
(gnome shatters)
(frenetic music)
(Conrad growls)
Guys, we gotta go.
Get on the unicorn.
(frenetic music continues)
(jet ski roaring)
(frenetic music continues)
(jet ski roaring)
(frenetic music continues)
(jet ski rumbling)
[Abigail] Ugh, the jet ski is stalling.
What are you guys doing?
He's gonna be here any minute.
It's not working.
I think we're out of gas.
Do you have your phone?
It's shot.
Mine's back at the car.
You need to go run for help.
I can't leave you guys.
Just run to town and ask for help.
Okay.
Look, guys, I, I'm so sorry for everything.
I shouldn't have been looking for Ideity.
You guys were right.
But I want you guys to know
that I love you so much and I'm so sorry.
Apology accepted.
Yes, we love you. Please just go.
(apprehensive music)
Is anyone out there?
Help!
(apprehensive music continues)
(gate creaks)
(apprehensive music continues)
(apprehensive music continues)
(dial tone humming)
(expectant music)
What the?
Get back here, Newton!
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(lighter flicks)
(movie playing)
(fire ignites)
What a sorry little trick.
(fire alarm blaring)
(suspenseful music continues)
No one knows this theater
better than me, Newton!
You had so many good times here.
Now you're destroying the place?
Seriously?
Gotcha.
(pole slams) (Newton screams)
(fire alarm blaring continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
Come on, Newton, you wanted
to save this place so badly.
You worked so hard.
Don't let that go to waste.
The Strand is your home, Newton.
It's your palace, remember?
(Conrad grunts)
(machine slams)
(expectant music)
(box smacks)
(fire alarm blaring continues)
It's just a movie theater, man.
(Newton coughing) (fire
alarm blaring continues)
(gentle music) (Newton breathing heavily)
(gentle music continues)
(fire alarm blaring continues)
(Newton coughs)
(gentle music continues)
Are you okay?
I mean, you're not dead, but
I can't believe this.
Look, I've been so
selfish the past few weeks
and since dad died, really.
And, and I want you guys to know that.
I wasn't doing the fake ID
thing to save the theater.
No, I, I, I was doing it to
spend time with both of you.
I never needed the Strand
or an empire.
I just needed my two sisters.
(uplifting music)
What happened to Conrad?
He's, I don't know if
he's dead or not, but
Oh my God.
I... Are we gonna go look?
Oh my God, Pete!
Hey.
Uh, okay, if any of you guys
ever work in law enforcement
and you think it would look like so cool
to catch the bad guy all by yourself,
just, just call for backup.
But mission accomplished though.
Oh, look what survived the jet ski ride.
So what, did Conrad steal your laptop
because Newton figured him out?
Exactly. All the evidence
is on Abigail's laptop.
[Abigail] But only that evidence.
Yeah, nothing else.
No other reason why
he'd want to steal from us.
But he scrubbed it.
Nothing on there anymore.
All right, well, whenever
you guys are all right,
I do need someone to
make a formal statement.
I can help with that.
Okay, we'll go talk to
my commanding officer.
Wait, Abigail, I... Don't mention it.
What happened to never bailing us out?
People change I guess.
Fighting against what's
wrong doesn't matter.
But people being wronged,
I guess they're worth fighting for.
Same for you, right?
What do you mean?
Changing for the better?
Would party girl Shannon and her fake ID
ever help with a police investigation?
Or her little brother?
I doubt it.
You know, I guess it was a lot more fun
than I thought it would be.
And a lot scarier too.
Yeah, much scarier.
I'm just glad that we can put
the family business behind us.
That I'm not so sure about.
- Newton.
- What?
I have some ideas for a new venture.
(light upbeat rock music)
What kind?
[Newton] We'll put the fake ID money
towards something sustainable.
Something crazy, cool, fun.
(light upbeat rock music continues)
(light upbeat rock music continues)
Say it.
No, mm-mm.
It's not that hard.
You can say it.
I know I can, but I don't want to.
Repeat after me.
Her Lady Krista is correct.
Her Lady Krista is correct.
That the drive-in is awesome.
That the drive-in is awesome.
See, now we're even you.
Promise?
Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna hold
the whole almost dying
thing over your head anymore.
Good.
Unless it benefits me.
You're the worst.
You almost had me killed.
You said we were even.
You keep the score way too much.
- Fine.
- That's not cool.
How will I ever repay you?
Glad you asked.
I have a new adventure for us.
What's that?
There's a haunted
hotel on Millbury Street.
I say we book the honeymoon suite.
Stay over. See what happens.
Well, not in the sexual way, I mean.
It's gonna be fun and awesome.
What kind of ghost ghosts are we talking?
Like specters, ghouls, slimeballs?
[Newton] All of the above.
Okay.
But I have to check in
with Shannon and Abby,
and I'll be right back.
Hey, I love you dude.
Love you too...
Dude.
(Krista chuckles)
You're the expert.
Hey, is Pete coming by?
You guys already talking
shit about me again?
(light upbeat rock music continues)
But no classics allowed.
Because who gives a shit
about the power of nostalgia?
I'm a big believer in
the power of right now,
and I also believe it's gonna be
the best movie theater in the world.
(light rock music)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
(light rock music continues)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
(light rock music continues)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
No, it's the best movie
theater in the country. Easy.
There's never been anything like it.
Aren't there like 30 other
theaters called the Strand?
I guess, but none of them
play '90s movies all the time.
You give way too much credit to the '90s.
Yeah, because the '90s were awesome.
Okay, there was like a new Jim Carrey movie
like every other month.
You come to this theater every day,
you see every stupid movie.
What are you gonna do if
we close down someday?
No, no, I'm, I'm never
gonna let this place go.
You should have seen
the drive-in on Route 9.
That was a theater.
I could seriously see myself
owning a theater like this when I'm older.
It'd be way too much work.
Plus all the kids that work here suck ass.
Well, present company excluded.
I'll find non-ass-suckers.
And I'll put in a section for DVD rentals.
It's so old-fashioned.
Well, I'm a big believer
in the power of nostalgia.
You're delusional.
And the Strand is just a movie theater.
It's not just a movie theater, okay?
It's, it's, it's a church,
a temple, a palace to the greatness
of Quentin Tarantino and Amy Heckerling.
I thought it'd be harder
for you to come here
since your dad passed away.
No, no. Not at all, actually.
In fact, I'm keeping his crusade alive.
Right.
Look, the Strand gives out floss.
No other theater gives out floss.
I'd stay here forever
and I'd have zero regrets.
You know what I'd actually do?
I would, I would turn
the concessions into a loft
and then make a neck
pillow of melted milk duds.
You could be my butler.
As flattering as that sounds,
I think you should probably go.
Okay, how about
butler/executive assistant?
Oh my God, no.
With, with benefits. Not the sexual kind.
I mean, like, like dental.
Isn't that the officer that's
been chasing you around?
(exciting music)
Shit.
(exciting music continues)
(exciting music continues)
Shannon!
(door closes)
Shannon, this is perfect.
I never see you in the middle of the day.
I'm not an Uber, Newton.
And I'm not a paying customer.
I just need to ride to school.
Shouldn't you be at school already?
Yeah, and mom's gonna kill me
if she finds out I played hooky again.
That really sounds like a you problem.
I can do your homework for a week.
I'm in college.
You're not even good at 9th grade homework.
I can clean your room for a month.
I don't want you in my room.
Okay. How about this?
There's a truant officer chasing me down,
and since you already let me in the car,
you're an accomplice.
Cops? Are you kidding me?
You can't get another strike, right?
No Lowell with the sexy gentleman in Pike.
You know I don't date
guys in Pike anymore.
- Let's go.
- Uhn-mm.
Drive.
Newton!
Shannon, please, just drive!
(exciting music fades)
What's with all this junk?
That was a birthday present from Dad.
It's pretty badass.
It's a kid's toy.
Unicorns can be badass.
You pretend that everything
dad did was so awesome.
In dad's defense,
he was at the Strand
opening day in the '90s.
That, that's respect for eternity.
You know, you need room in your brain
for things besides movies,
like fashion or parties
or Greek life or girls.
I think my brain is like 90% movies,
5% (indistinct) and 5% pandas.
Pandas?
Our furry black and
white brothers and sisters.
All I'm saying is you
put too much faith in dad
and movies and pandas.
But, but the thing is movies are awesome.
Movies are why you're
on the run from the cops
at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday.
(siren wails)
Are you kidding me?
(Newton gulps)
Oh, hi, officer.
License and registration, please.
Shannon.
Oh my God, it has been a while, huh?
Yeah, of course.
Way too long.
You remember me?
Of course, yeah, from that time.
Pete Barrett, we went
to high school together.
Of course.
I was a senior when you were a freshman.
Oh, are, are you the one
who tried to ask me to prom?
Yeah, I was in the Glee Club.
The Gleeks in the Sheets.
School allowed that name?
Look, Officer, I am so, so sorry
if I was going a few
miles over the speed limit.
Oh no, Shannon, do not worry.
I'm actually here for this young man.
Principal Isaacs called.
Said you were absent again, hmm?
No call from mom or dad?
Look, Officer, I was
actually bringing Newton
right back to school.
He had a doctor's appointment
and, you know, our mom,
she's just so busy working at the hospital.
Is that so?
Yeah, I, I mean,
Newton would never do anything stupid
like cut class to go to the movies.
Absolutely not.
He has a medical condition.
Right.
But now that the doctors
have removed his head from his ass,
I don't think he'll be
missing any more school.
Definitely not.
Wait, what?
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize, Newton,
that you suffered from psychoglutiosis.
That's, that's a serious condition.
Anyway, I was just bringing him back,
and I'm sure he's not
gonna miss any more school.
Well, then let's get
you two on your way, huh?
Hang on.
Um, actually, Shannon,
I think I'm gonna need
you to step out of the car.
What?
Or should I say Penelope?
Look, we'll be a lot more forgiving
if you just tell us where you got it.
It was just some random guy in town.
I never met him in person, I promise.
Of course not.
Look, you can't hold us here.
Having a fake ID isn't like a felony.
Actually, yeah, it is.
Seriously?
Wait, that means she can't
vote or go to NBA games?
Hey, no more sass out of you, Bucko.
All right?
Now I don't know what they're teaching you.
Those good for nothings
on the Disney Channel,
but newsflash, cutting class is not hip.
Okay, you're not even a real cop.
I am so a real cop.
I mean, in the 4th grade
when we would play cops and robbers,
I was a cop at least 85% of the time.
That doesn't qualify you to be a cop.
I watch "Die Hard" every
Christmas with my mother
who I should say hates workplace violence.
You're so not a cop.
I eat donuts constantly.
The "Law and Order" theme is my ringtone.
And it's ridiculous that
I even have to say this,
but I even have a badge.
(hand patting)
Okay, well, it's, I don't
have it on me at the moment,
but I do have one.
Is this it?
Okay, you just gimme.
Try not to delinquentify the area.
I'll be right back.
Who's that?
Cornelius Isaacs,
new principal at the high school.
He's even scarier
than Darth Vader, Biff Tannen,
Regina George combined.
Well after that, a chase ensued.
A chase? He's a child.
Everyone talks trash
about him at the school.
I won't say what they call him,
but it rhymes with smooshbag.
It's a, it is a fast scooter
and he knows the streets very well.
Gross.
Trio of evil alert.
I repeat, trio of evil alert.
- Yeah, I know.
- Right over there.
God, I hate your son.
(Barrett clears throat)
All right, you two are free to go.
But, Shannon, you have to come back
and pay a fine by the end of the month.
So I will be here for that.
Newton, no more getting into trouble.
Otherwise, Officer Barrett
can arrange a summer in juvie.
(slow gentle music)
(Shannon speaks indistinctly)
Maybe if you were really shamed...
Okay, well, it's not my problem.
Do you think I need this shit?
Okay, well... Hey, get back here.
I'm not done with you.
I didn't raise you for this kind of
[Shannon] You didn't raise me!
[Cindy] Oh. Oh, nice.
Um, Mom and Shannon are arguing again,
so you shouldn't go down there.
(gentle music continues)
(door closes)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(phone buzzing)
(slow uplifting music)
(slow uplifting music continues)
(suspenseful music)
Ah, don't! Stop, stop please!
I surrender. I surrender, please.
Not cool, man.
Don't worry, it's all stale anyways.
Oh, that makes it so much more worse.
Wait, no, no, no, no, no.
(movie playing)
(slow uplifting music)
(slow uplifting music fades)
(dramatic music)
Mr. Conrad!
Are you insane, Mr. Conrad?
Everyone loves this place.
You can't just close it down.
Newton, you're fighting
the good fight and I love that.
I wish I did more of
it when I was your age,
but this is a done deal.
Three more weeks then
the theater's for sale.
Well, why not give
it another year or four,
you know, just till I leave for college
or become really rich and buy you out.
To be frank, the only reason
we stayed open this long is
because of a good
investment I made a while back.
I should have retired years ago.
Okay, well, why can't
you sell your jet ski?
Too much sentimental value.
We could sell our
organs on the black market.
That doesn't sound like a good idea.
We could prostitute ourselves.
No.
Mr. Conrad, listen,
you play "The Sandlot"
every Memorial Day weekend,
and it was the first
movie my dad took me to
when I was six years old,
and we came every single year.
But this year he was too sick to go.
So he made me promise
that I'd see it next year at the Strand.
Can't you just stay open till May?
I can talk to the next owner,
see if he'll play "The Sandlot."
No, no, see, that's just
not gonna happen, okay?
No one cares about classic
movies besides you and me.
By next Memorial Day,
the Strand's gonna be a yoga
studio or, or a whore house.
It's simple dollars and cents.
We just don't have the
money to stay operational.
Well, how much money do you need?
Pardon?
How much money to keep the Strand open
until Memorial Day next year?
There's overhead, utilities,
rental costs for film prints,
insurance, both property and equipment,
and we have a full staff to pay.
How about you just tell me a number?
It'd be about $8,100,
and that's just for until
the end of next May.
$8,100?
Plus, ticket and concession
sales would have to be steady.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
The past isn't dead, Mr. Conrad,
and neither is the Strand.
Wait, what?
I'm gonna get this place
the eight grand it needs.
You watch, Mr. Conrad!
Or you could just play a sport!
(exciting music)
Yeah Yeah
Whoa
My life is an uphill battle
battle keeping me on my toes
It's delicate and fragile
When it stops, nobody knows
It takes time to get it right
Practice days and practice nights
It takes time to get it right
And oh, oh, oh
I kept my head straight
Through the ups and
downs and the constant lying
I'm calling checkmate
You made your move
and I know you're trying
It's all a game
But I know for sure I'll play it safe
I'm calling checkmate
How could this not have worked?
It's already raining outside.
They're not gonna spend
money on a car wash.
Whatever.
I just dunno what to do now.
What about a lemonade
stand or a bake bake?
But I can't keep it away
It takes time to get it right
Practice days and practice nights
It takes time to get it right
But y'all don't say that
I've got my head straight
Through the ups and
downs and the constant lying
I'm calling checkmate
You make made your move
and I know you're trying
It's all a game
But you know for sure I'll play it safe
Oh, oh, oh
You thought you knew me
But I guess you didn't, so
Oh, oh, oh
You thought you knew me
That's it But I guess you didn't, so
I kept my head straight
Through the ups and
downs and the constant lying
I'm calling checkmate
Let's go. Abigail's circling the block.
I have a few extra cookies
left if you're interested.
I have a fine to payoff
and I'm out $100 for my fake,
so no, I'm not interested
in $6 for a plate of cookies.
It's actually $6 per cookie.
What?
Oh, it's actually $6 per cookie.
Jesus, Newton, no
wonder no one's buying them.
I can offer you 50% off.
That's the family discount.
You know, 100% off
sounds a little better to me.
(soft sincere music)
I do like love the effort though.
You know, we do fundraisers
in Kappa all the time.
Really?
Yeah, we only make
like five grand per event.
Holy shit. Seriously?
Yeah, people like hot sorority girls
more than nerdy losers.
It'd be different if I
could sell my sexuality.
Hey, I'm sorry for blaming
the fake thing on you.
Thanks.
If I have any money left
after saving the Strand,
I will reimburse you for your failure.
Oh, let me say goodbye to
Mr. Conrad before we leave.
Yeah.
Business booming tonight?
I only made 14 bucks,
and this cash box alone was 20.
Stupid cash box.
I told everyone who bought a ticket
they ought to come and see you.
I'm gonna make that
eight grand for you somehow.
I just need more time.
Is this new?
Just the last ditch effort
to make the Christian
parents in town a little happier.
It says I can't see R-rated movies.
That's right.
So kids my age can't see.
"American Pie" or "Scream" or even "T2"?
I must have turned away
40, maybe 509th graders this month.
What? 50?
So to get into an R-rated movie,
you're supposed to show...
A driver's license.
(inspirational music)
What about something that
looks like a driver's license?
I don't know what that
means, but I guess sure.
Shannon!
I'm sorry. You're telling
me you want to sell fake IDs?
I don't wanna sell them.
I wanna manufacture,
process, and distribute them.
Basically make a "Scarface"
esque empire, empire, empire.
We just got busted
by Officer Wets the Bed.
Remember that?
But it's the perfect setup.
That is what every idiot kid says
right before he goes to juvie.
Seriously, I know the
kids, you know the business.
I need the money.
I need the money too.
I have a fine to pay off, remember?
Yes, exactly.
And we'll sell enough
IDs to pay off your fine
and save the Strand.
And I'm on two strikes already.
Something like this could
mean that my life is over.
I could end up working at
Burger King or something.
Yeah, that would suck.
You know I prefer Wendy's.
Look, Shannon, this is your chance
to be brave and entrepreneurial.
Make something of yourself.
Don't you wanna prove to the doubters
that you're meant for greatness?
You know, for a 15-year-old boy,
you really do talk like
a motivational speaker.
Good. That means my magic is working.
Okay, but the guy I bought my ID from,
he supplies this whole town.
So I don't think we'll
be able to cut him off.
That's the best part.
What? We put money into these IDs,
and then we don't sell any?
No, no, no, the market strategy.
Do you know why they always open
a Disney movie the same weekend
as some super intense adult drama?
I'm feeling you're about to tell me why.
It's because there's no
crossover in demographic.
If we only sell to kids at my high school
Who think you're a loser.
Okay, that aside, none
of them know your guy.
He only sells to college kids.
I don't know.
You know what the Strand means to me
and what it meant to Dad.
Look, I promised him I'd be there next May.
(soft upbeat music)
(Shannon sighs)
Eight grand?
In three weeks.
And after those three
weeks are up, we're done, right?
Yes, absolutely.
So what's it gonna be?
Fine. Let's do it.
Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay, I got it.
I tell no one.
I need to tell you something.
He shouldn't be staying
out on a school night.
Yeah, because staying in and reading
clearly did you so much good.
It got me a full tuition scholarship
and a reference letter from a judge.
And a stick up your ass.
That stick is made of morality.
Okay, if you're so moral,
how about you defend me
next time I get in trouble?
I didn't commit myself to the law
to help reckless sorority
girls who drink their lives away.
I didn't make tequila so delicious.
Maybe if it tasted like burnt plastic,
I'd never get in trouble.
Tequila does taste
like burn plastic, Shannon.
Whatever.
Look, if you defended me,
there'd still be lots of
creative problem solving.
Hmm, pass.
Not like you anything better going on.
What?
You're 23 with no boyfriend, no BFFs,
and no interest in Jell-O shot Sundays.
And I'm better off.
I don't need gelatinous
alcohol to enjoy myself.
Ugh, you sound like this a thesaurus.
Thank you.
Look, all I'm saying is
it literally wouldn't kill you
if he just loosened up every now and again.
And it wouldn't kill you
to stop getting arrested.
Fine, you wouldn't defend me,
but, you know, I bet you'd defend Newton
if he got in trouble.
Newton isn't a troublemaker.
Yeah, but like hypothetically,
if he started some illegal crime ring,
would you defend us? (Clears throat) Him?
No, I wouldn't because
there is never an excuse
for immoral, unethical behavior.
Just stop screwing around.
Mom doesn't have the bandwidth for it,
and I'm never gonna be
the one to bail you out.
(crickets chirping)
[Krista] So why can't you
operate out of the Strand,
or even your house?
Well, Shannon and I need a place
where Abigail won't catch on.
Here's the key.
- A key?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
It's perfect.
I don't know.
I mean, this just doesn't feel right.
Have I ever led you astray?
Am I ever wrong?
- No.
- No, I'm not.
So it's gonna be great.
Okay, all right.
[Shannon] So this is it?
Well, it's not operational
yet, but yeah, this is it.
I thought all we needed was
like Photoshop or something.
No. No, Photoshop.
Okay, we're gonna do
this the old-fashioned way.
So the hard way.
I prefer to think of it as the fun way.
Have you even seen a fake ID before?
Have you ever seen a good fake ID before?
Look, all we need is some supplies.
First item on the checklist,
Abigail's old trifold.
[Shannon] She's not gonna
let us borrow any of her stuff.
[Newton] Yeah, that's
why we're not gonna ask.
You like sneaking around, right?
[Shannon] I guess.
[Newton] Once you get
the trifold back to the drive-in,
we commence part two.
[Shannon] Okay. What's part two?
[Newton] I print some stuff.
[Shannon] That seems way less risky
than stealing from Abigail.
[Newton] Mine will be risky too.
We tear off Abigail's sciency stuff,
then paste on my pages.
[Shannon] We're creating a giant license?
[Newton] It's gonna look
way better than you think.
[Shannon] Hmm, yeah. Not bad.
[Newton] Remember,
we're not going for great.
We're going for good enough.
Look, most of the 9th graders
probably won't even use them to drink.
(caper music)
It's the most perfect
thing I've ever seen in my life.
[Newton] After that, we
just need to print and paste.
[Shannon] Paste onto what?
[Newton] Well, uh, remember how you said
you like sneaking around?
[Shannon] Are you serious?
[Newton] A bunch of
those scam credit cards
have been coming in the mail lately.
[Shannon] So you want me to steal them
from our neighbor's mailboxes?
[Newton] No. I want
you to save our neighbors
from the evil scourge
of unwanted junk mail.
[Shannon] You don't need
to make it sound all heroic.
[Newton] Then we finish it
up with a little help from Dad.
[Shannon] Great. I'll
get the unicorn float.
[Newton] No, what?
I meant his old laminator.
We laminate the printed picture
onto a credit card and voila.
It actually turned out
better than I thought I would.
I did end up using Photoshop.
Somebody told of endless love
Ugh! Being grounded
means not playing music louder
than a cement mixer.
Bedroom eyes and pray
that we cannot see through
(rock music stops)
(intriguing music)
[Shannon] We just need to make sure
we sell enough IDs in time.
[Newton] We totally will.
[Shannon] What if we get caught?
Don't worry, this is foolproof.
Hey, idiots! What is all this stuff?
Ah, what stuff?
This stuff.
This stuff on the table.
I found it all in Shannon's room.
Oh, right.
Have you been tampering
with our neighbor's mail?
You know that's a federal offense.
And my trifold mysteriously went missing.
Abigail, there is a
super easy explanation
for all of this.
Yeah? Try me.
Well, um...
Um, it's a pyramid scheme.
We were selling credit cards to people
and coloring on them first.
What?
What he was trying to say is
that this is us showing
these scam artists of the world who's boss.
You know, we're taking
these cheapo credit cards,
and we're shredding them
and then printing IOU vouchers.
What the hell are you talking about?
Fine, it's a fake ID business.
Did you seriously give us away that easy?
You weren't doing anything.
- Coloring on them?
- Are you kidding, Shan?
Her whole deal is pre-law.
- What does that even mean?
I had it totally covered
with the pyramid scheme.
[Shannon] I was just out there by myself.
You wouldn't say anything.
Wait, Abby, what are you doing?
I'm calling the cops.
- No, no.
- No, no.
Please, please, please, please,
can we make something work?
You already broke the law.
I don't wanna go to juvie.
I don't wanna go to adult juvie.
Shut up, it's ringing.
We'll cut you in 10%.
- What?
- What?
10%.
You barely have time for a job,
and you don't have enough
money to afford dinner.
10% means you stay quiet.
You could be making money
without even doing anything.
You know, you could be like
the Kris Jenner of East Pine Mass.
(phone beeps)
Do we have a deal?
If you two caught by anyone
else, you're on your own.
That's not a no.
And if it's not a no, it's a yes!
[Abigail] Just let me know
when you start making money
and don't get caught.
(school bell ringing) (people chattering)
(locker closes)
You're Claire, right?
Yeah.
I saw you at the Strand the other day.
Of course we won't get caught.
It's not even that expensive.
(whistle whoops)xd
I wanted to talk to you
about your part-time job.
Oh, I don't do the whole
pretend to have sex with
people for money thing anymore.
Right, I was kind of talking about
how you take the SAT for your friends.
I'm not taking any new
clients for that either.
I bet I know how you do it.
(intriguing music)
It's a calculated mix of
cleverness and cautiousness.
Right, but beyond that,
I'm guessing the friends you took it for
all looked vaguely similar to you,
enough to confuse the
old guy proctoring the exam.
That isn't not accurate.
They gave you their IDs,
and the proctor thought you were them.
I'm still clever and cautious.
Of course you are.
But eventually
you'll run out of dumb
Asian girls to impersonate.
How would you like to a dumb white girl,
or a dumb Indian girl,
or even a dude with a gender ambiguous name
like Devin or Riley or Mackenzie?
There's no guy's named Mackenzie.
Look, I've got a new
business venture of my own.
(intriguing music continues)
I know for a fact that you
need to expand your business
in order to pay for band camp this summer.
And I need to expand my
business to save the Strand.
See, this is what we call
a symbiotic relationship.
We both benefit.
I know what a symbiotic
relationship is, Newton.
You skipped a grade, right?
I bet people already doubt
that you should be taking the SAT.
You know, it, it would be really nice
to make a crap ton of money
and have an ID that validates
how smart you are for your age.
What are we looking at money-wise?
All I need is 80 bucks and
a 15-minute photo shoot.
Not like that.
I just heard how that sounded.
I don't know.
Couldn't I just Photoshop
a bunch of IDs myself?
You could,
or you could stick to being
the SAT expert and trust me,
the fake ID expert.
You're the fake ID expert?
I've had zero complaints so far.
Are you gonna be weird and breathy
and stalk me until I say yes?
Yeah, pretty much.
(chill music)
Hey!
It's normal to act out, even misbehave,
but multiple counts of tardiness,
two absences in the first month of school,
and Mrs. Mathern tells me
you don't participate at all in algebra.
Mrs. Mathern is just a
grouchy old swamp wench
that gets off by making kids miserable.
She's my wife.
And what I meant by
swamp wench was smart wench.
Theft is unacceptable, Newton.
I didn't steal that money.
This is my cash box.
Newton, I'm a trained marksman.
I can look down the scope of a rifle
right through a man's
eyes and see into his soul,
so spare me the lies.
Okay, well you see, sir,
I'm trying to save the Strand, okay?
And it's closing in 12 days.
Claire was just helping
with the fundraiser.
Seriously.
Fine, take the cash box back.
But if I find out you are
lying, you are on probation.
Are we clear?
Crystal.
A mere second at the Strand
will feel like a cruise to St. Thomas.
Principal Isaacs, is it rude
to ask if you've ever smiled?
I was in a hunting accident
when I was 10 years old.
My father accidentally shot
me in the back of my head.
Oh my God.
I still graduated from
high school as valedictorian.
But the bullet permanently and irreparably
damaged my ability to feel joy.
Do you want to talk about it some more?
Get the fuck out of my office.
Right.
It won't happen again.
The fact that it happened once
is reason enough for concern.
You need to lose that cash box.
It's an advertisement for trouble.
But it has so much sentimental value now.
Get rid of it.
Or just like hide it, I don't know.
Fine.
We need to lock down that
money somewhere secure.
Okay, what do you, what do you suggest?
(Abigail scoffs)
What?
Nothing.
This is just typical.
You're coming to me
for ideas on something I want no part of.
Big sister Queen come to the rescue.
You want us to beg, Abigail?
Is that what you want?
You want us to go down
on our knees and say,
"Please, Queen Abigail, please help us.
You're our only hope."
Stop that voice.
You don't have to beg,
but showing some gratitude
would be nice every now and again.
Yeah, because you have
better things going on.
I could be reading a
fantasy novel at Panera Bread.
What?
I love their bread bowls.
I didn't think you loved anything.
Just say thank you.
[Both] Thank you, Abigail.
You're welcome.
Now here's what we're gonna do.
How much do you two
know about cryptocurrency?
My guidance counselor
has a lot of opinions on it.
It's been the butt of the joke
in the financial world the last few years
because no one using it knows how it works.
It's like they're all playing
darts with blindfolds on.
Then why would we use it?
Because I'm the only one not blindfolded.
That's cocky.
If we put the money on Tor,
it's untraceable and we can diversify,
which means we can earn
interest on the money as it comes in
and we don't have to
sell as many IDs overall.
Assuming the market stays hot.
I'm really not following,
but it's not gonna backfire on us, right?
No one has access to the money
unless they have my computer,
which never leaves my person.
How do you know those
much about this stuff?
I don't know. "Bloomberg"?
I thought we were just getting started.
Where are you going?
I have a whole secret life
neither of you know about.
You want to talk about it?
Maybe if you wanna ask sometime.
Well now we got the money
taken care of, what's next?
We grow the business big and fast,
and hope we don't get busted.
(exciting music) (basketball dribbling)
Hey, my guy, how would you like
to be the coolest dude in 9th grade?
Cooler than the model UN team?
Way cooler.
That's impossible.
All you need to do is invest
in laminated, falsified credentials.
You'll be the coolest
nerd at the high school.
Even cooler than I am.
What do we need fake IDs for?
You could go see "Fast
Times at Ridgemont High."
I don't even know what that is.
"Fast Times"? It's a classic.
And it's actually playing
at the Strand this weekend.
Mr. Conrad lets kids into
R-rated movies all the time.
Not anymore.
My mom could just take us.
Oh, "Fast Times" is not the kind of movie
you want to bring your
Baptist mom to, Christian.
Why not?
Phoebe Cates.
I don't know who that is,
but she sounds sensational.
Oh, she is.
Do you want to miss the opportunity
to meet her on the big screen?
I don't think so.
You'd regret it forever if you couldn't get
the sun and moon tattoo with
your sister on your birthday.
I know.
Why are the rules about tattoos
so weird in Massachusetts?
I don't know.
But personally you could
pass for an 18-year-old. Easy.
I actually thought you
were a senior already.
So what's it gonna be?
Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Yes.
(exciting music continues)
(iron hisses)
(exciting music continues)
(door opens)
Shannon!
(humdrum music)
You and me, huh, we keep
running into each other.
Yeah. What are you, like, stalking me?
No, no. (Clears throat)
No, that would be stupid.
But I do, you know, have some questions
that you could probably help me answer.
Okay. Shoot.
Actually it is probably better
if you come down to the
station with me for these.
Why?
Because they are about your involvement
in the fake ID business.
I found some pretty incriminating stuff
which you're probably gonna want to see.
(ominous music)
(door closes)
Mom, what are you doing home so early?
It's not that early.
I guess the night just got away from me.
Are you up to something?
No, definitely not. Just studying.
That's not true. I'm sorry.
I, I can't lie to you.
You don't deserve that.
I, I got a job,
an investment job with money and stuff.
Normal money.
Abby, that's great.
That's something you
don't need to hide from me.
Right.
Have I heard of the company before?
No, definitely not.
Just like the small local business.
Very under the radar, but totally legit.
I bet they're lucky to have you.
Sure.
(phone buzzing)
Shit.
Business sure is booming, huh?
I wouldn't know, Officer.
I'm minding my own
business like a good girl.
You know this guy in the car.
You mean that gray smudge?
I think you know that smudge.
Small, weak. Needs cash fast.
Not ringing a bell.
Thinks he's real clever.
A crafty little jackrabbit.
You know, I think photo quality
that bad really doesn't prove anything.
Shannon, you don't have
to keep protecting him, okay?
You're not gonna go down because of him.
I won't?
Of course not.
I mean, he's the one selling the fake IDs.
You're just a customer.
Oh, that's the guy I bought my ID from.
That's Ideity.
Yeah, sorry, what did you
think I was talking about?
Nothing. What did you
think you were talking about?
Anyways...
(dramatic music)
(gun firing)
(heart thumping)
I think you get the picture.
I swear I've never met that man.
He started by selling
false credentials to minors,
and now he's graduated to homicide.
What did the guy in the video do?
Apparently he was selling his own fakes
a couple towns over.
That's unsettling, for
more than one reason.
We haven't even found the kid yet.
Seriously?
Yeah, is that bad?
Yes, that's very bad.
Well, we don't think
that he's likely to come
after old customers,
so you should be fine.
But, you know, you
should probably still lie low.
I don't wanna lie low.
Shannon
I have been running from
the cops and from responsibility
and probably from trauma my entire life.
You know what? I wanna take
a stand against this asshole.
(divine music)
(clears throat) That's very brave of you
to have said, Shannon.
But it's
What if I run into Ideity
in a dark alley late at night?
You could call me.
What if I don't have cell
service and I don't wanna run?
What do I do?
I suppose you could
make a citizen's arrest.
What is that?
When you catch a person
and you know that they committed a crime,
you can ask them to stay
put until the police arrive.
That's perfect.
If I see Ideity, I'll
make a citizen's arrest.
Okay and if you see
that he has any weapons
I'll fight back.
You know, red really isn't my color.
Wow. It seems like the
fundraiser picked up fast.
I'm exactly 50% away to the empire.
All that's missing is an evil laugh.
You really don't need an evil laugh.
If I really wanna be a badass mob boss,
I need an evil laugh.
Okay, try it.
No, it's humiliating.
I'm here to workshop it with you.
Uhnt-uh, no.
Come on. Everyone is inside the theater.
Fine.
Wait a second.
What? No, no, you're not recording.
Go ahead.
Okay, okay, okay.
(maniacal laugh)
You sound like a sick tortoise.
That's what Shannon keeps telling me.
And why does your voice go higher?
It's supposed to go deeper.
I don't know.
I'm like halfway through puberty, I think.
Halfway, just like the empire.
The midpoint.
You know, if this was a movie,
something terribly wrong
would probably hopping right about now.
I think we're pretty good.
(phone buzzes)
One second.
Do you think Barrett's onto us?
I don't know.
But someone definitely is.
I saw a gray muscle car
skidding out of the drive-in
on my way to get Shannon.
Abigail, is the money?
The money's safe.
But look.
(ominous music)
We never should have been
so public about the operation.
I might as well have
thrown the IDs in a parade
and sing "Twist and Shout."
It was my fault from buying
from him in the first place.
As long as we stop now,
I think we should be safe.
But we're so close though.
We got a death threat, Newton.
I know, I know.
We listen to death threats.
Otherwise we die.
Yeah, I got that.
But isn't this like Rosa Parks?
She stood up for what she believed in.
No matter the consequences.
Continuing a third-rate fake ID business
is not the same thing as
standing up for racial inequality.
You know what I mean.
Come on. You guys love movies.
Documentaries.
Reality dating shows.
You're completely delusional.
I'm 15. Of course I'm delusional.
But I also know we can do it.
I'm with Newton.
What? We need like 30 more
IDs and then we'll be done.
Kappa just initiated his new pledges.
They're all gonna want fakes.
A wholesale.
That's perfect.
We just need to make 30
IDs by the end of the week,
then, then unload them
and and close up shop.
Ideity can have his town back
before we get murdered or whatever.
Exactly.
But we can't do it
unless we do it together.
Uhnt-uh, you guys are on your own here.
Abigail, wait.
You can't turn your back on us now.
We've never turned our backs on you.
Remember last year
at Mom's birthday dinner
when you got food poisoning?
We didn't just leave you in the
Outback Steakhouse bathroom.
We got you some wet wipes, a
new dress, and some Imodium.
Remember?
Or how about when you
got stood up for prom,
and I made Newton sneak
in that douchebag's house
and leak all over his bed?
It was the most exhilarating pee
I've ever taken in my entire life.
We stick together through everything,
through the food poisoning,
and the bad prom dates,
and the death threats.
Especially the death threats.
(sighs) This is
incredibly ill-advised, but...
I guess you're right.
Family sticks together.
Did you just say I was right?
Don't make a big thing out of it.
She might as well call
you a genius next time.
(Shannon and Newton chuckle)
You two are unbearable.
Yeah, but you know
you can't live without us.
And this isn't just for you.
I'm only a few hundred dollars
away from reaching my own financial goals.
Student loans?
A new car?
Taylor Swift tickets for me and Mom.
You don't like Taylor Swift.
I love Taylor Swift.
You've literally like
never mentioned her once.
I usually don't feel worthy
enough to invoke her name.
30 IDs. 30 IDs is all we need.
We'll make them Saturday
while Mom's at work.
And I guess Abby already
has her soundtrack planned.
Let's just hope that whack job
doesn't figure out where we live.
Yeah, about that.
I think it's a little too late.
I've seen enough movies
know that the mystery bad guy
is probably someone we know.
(expectant music) (people chattering)
Sorry, sir, I'm on my way to class.
No trouble. Off you go.
Principal Isaacs, your hands got...
Is that red spray paint?
It's none of your business.
(feet stomping)
[Newton] We're about to
do something pretty stupid.
[Krista] Stupider than usual?
Maybe like 4.5% more stupid.
I need you to quantify that.
We're gonna break into
Principal Isaacs' office,
and prove he's Ideity.
You're kidding, right?
Trust me. I know it for a fact.
We just need to find some evidence.
And you're basing this on what?
A very, very strong hunch.
Based on everything you told me,
it sounds more likely
that the cop is Ideity.
The uniform is just a cover.
But Officer Barrett was
at the police station with Shannon
the same time Abigail saw
the car leaving the drive-in.
Maybe he has an accomplice.
"Scream" taught us
there's always two killers.
You need to stop basing
every one of your arguments on "Scream."
So, a little high school trespass?
I don't know.
It kind of feels like you not wanting
to face the reality that
the Strand is closing.
If, and I say that with
a big, big uppercase I,
you know, uppercase F,
if the Strand closes, what happens to us?
What do you mean?
Well, we only ever hang
out when you're at the Strand
and I'm at the Strand.
We can hang at other
places besides the Strand.
It doesn't feel that way.
Look at me.
There will be plenty of cool places
for people to see movies,
and there'll be plenty of cool places
for you and I to get into trouble,
even if the Strand closes.
Promise?
I'd swear on my "Scream"
steel book if I had it with me.
Okay, well if we could really
get into trouble anywhere,
could one of those places
be Principal Isaacs' office?
You had to ruin the moment
by asking me to commit a crime?
(intriguing music)
(door handle rattles)
[Newton] I, I think we need a key.
We literally just have to open it.
See, they keep the doors unlocked.
It still feels like
breaking and entering.
Our tax dollars pay for this place,
might as well be a playground.
Okay, okay.
Why, why don't you check those cabinets?
There might be something there, I dunno.
There's literally nothing in here.
There's nothing in that one either.
Okay.
(drawers shuffling)
(intriguing music continues)
[Krista] None of this has anything.
Just tons of like those folder things.
Some inspirational
Oh wait, I, I, I think I found something.
What? Lemme see.
Um, SATs.
Wait, wait, wait, client database.
[Krista] That could be
something, you never know.
It says 120.
That's how much Ideity charges for his IDs.
[Krista] Oh my God.
[Newton] Why doe he have these photos?
Why are pictures of
the kids? It's so creepy.
(eerie music)
Why is there a picture of you?
I don't, I don't, I don't know.
Wait.
(eerie music continues)
Red spray paint.
We need to leave.
All right, now we need
to drop the evidence at the police station,
but Barrett can't know it's coming from us.
I'll call the station and
get him out of there.
(dial tone ringing)
Hello? Yeah, this is,
is this the East Pine Police Department?
Yeah, I'd like to report some mischief
on First Congregational
Church on Maple Street.
Yeah, well, you see,
those no good Boy Scout truants are back,
and they've been harassing me for years.
I mean, it's ridiculous.
Yes, that'd be perfect.
An officer should drive by.
Excellent.
Yes, perfect.
All righty, God bless you.
All right, thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
All right, five, four, three, two.
(door bangs open) (car alarm beeps)
Go, go, go, drop off the file.
Me? Why do I have to do it?
I'm the one that made the phone call.
Well, I didn't know we were picking
between the phone call and dropping it off.
I absolutely would've
picked the phone call.
Are you a good friend or what?
Let me get my sweatshirt.
(feet pattering)
What are you doing?
You let me drive all the time.
Fine, I guess we're dying tonight.
(seat belt clicks)
(door opens and closes)
(engine humming)
(engine humming continues)
(tires screech)
Oh my God, that's him.
What?
That's the principal's car!
I saw it leaving the school the other day.
(dramatic music)
(gun fires)
(tense rising music) (heart thumping)
(heart thumping continues)
(crickets chirping)
So that was him?
Yeah, that was him all right.
I'm sure the police will
arrest him anytime now.
That still doesn't fix our trauma.
Yeah, I guess not.
Abigail told you not to screw around,
and you did anyways.
What? Don't take her side.
You're my friend.
Yeah, when it's convenient.
What's that supposed to mean?
When you're like breaking
into the school and shit
looking for the documents,
that's when you asked me to be your friend.
When you're building your little empire,
you asked your sisters instead of me.
I, I, I didn't think you wanted to help.
I didn't, but it would've
been nice to have been asked.
Okay, I'll, I'll make more
of an effort next time.
There's not gonna be a next time.
Right, because the
empire is over tomorrow.
No.
There's not gonna be a next time for us.
What?
I'm done with you.
Friendship is supposed to be
a two-way street, you know?
I'm there for you for everything,
and it's been really hard
for you, for your dad, I get it.
I feel so bad that you
had to deal with that.
But at the same time,
other people have shit,
and other people need you to help.
And then you made me feel bad
about not wanting to go out
and for getting you shot at.
I need to take care of myself too.
I need you to get out.
What?
I need to get the fuck out of my car.
(contemplative music)
(door closes)
(contemplative music continues)
(engine starts)
(gravel crunching)
(contemplative music continues)
Did he come home last night?
I don't know.
You're always the one complaining
about his badger feet
running up the stairs.
Well, he knows we need
30 of these things done
by five o'clock.
Do you really love Taylor Swift?
Yeah.
Okay, but let's focus on Newton.
I bet he's just off getting
us like donuts or something.
(phone buzzing)
Speaking of donuts.
Hey.
[Barrett] Shannon.
We, we had an anonymous
tip last night in the Ideity case.
Really?
[Barrett] Yeah, we're
following the tip right now.
Seems a bit sketchy.
There's no chance you had
anything to do with this, right?
Absolutely not.
[Barrett] Okay, you didn't like go rogue
and investigate it by yourself?
No, no, no.
I, I didn't tell anyone about
Ideity except for my family.
Hey, can I call you back?
[Barrett] I, I'd love
to get to the bottom
Evidence incriminating Ideity shows up
at the police station the
same night Newton disappears.
He just said he was
going out with Krista.
That was probably just a lie.
He wouldn't involve her.
Yeah, he totally got me involved.
We got run off the road and shot at.
- Oh my God.
- Are you okay?
I'll be fine.
So he didn't come home last night?
You couldn't find him?
We don't know.
That's why we called you.
He and I had a fight at the drive-in.
Oh my God, what if he dies?
Don't say that.
Can you help us look for him?
Of course.
We'll be right over.
[Shannon] Are you sure
he's not at the Strand?
[Krista] Mr. Conrad said
he checked three times.
Hey, Krista, I meant to ask,
did you ever get any better at algebra
after I tutored you last summer?
No, actually I got worse.
I started selling NFTs, so I dropped out.
Guys, can you focus please?
If he's not at the drive-in
and he's not at the Strand, where is he?
I think I know.
But it's the last place he'd ever wanna go.
Where?
To see our dad.
(somber music)
It's just ever since the funeral,
Krista's been there for me.
Always there for me, you know?
And I put her in danger.
Now, I don't know how
I can make things right.
You know I talk to you every day?
And if you had some
advice from the afterlife,
now would be the time.
Of course not, of course not.
You know, the ironic thing is,
I've been raising all
this money for the Strand,
but I've barely gone since
we started selling IDs.
I, I've just been having so much fun
spending time with Shannon and Abigail,
I, I almost forgot the whole
reason I'm doing all this.
Unless the real reason
I've been doing all this
is to spend more time
with Shannon and Abigail.
(gentle music)
Listen, I need to tell you guys
What the fuck is wrong with you?
We sent you like a million texts.
And called nonstop.
We left voice mails. Voicemails!
You just don't come home last night
after you get run off
the road by a lunatic?
Look, I know it wasn't the smartest idea,
and I'm really sorry.
You know, they arrested an
innocent guy because of you?
Innocent guy?
What are you talking about?
The principal, he's not Ideity.
He runs a tutoring and mentors hip program.
That's what the folder was for.
He thought you'd use some
guidance from college students.
But, but the red spray paint.
Apparently he just repainted
the rectory at St. Mary's.
So you break into a
Christian principal's office,
steal his stuff when
he's trying to help you,
and you frame him for murder.
But in my defense
Nope! No defense, Newton.
I'm gonna say something to you,
and it's gonna be pretty harsh, okay?
You are living in a fantasy world.
In real life, people don't go chasing
after someone who sent them a death threat.
In fact, they don't
start a fake ID business
to save a movie theater.
You're...
You're just a kid who no
one wanted to say no to
because his dad died.
And we should have said no
before we broke the law with you,
before your friend got shot at,
and before you started
thinking you were an action hero.
Shannon, you feel the same?
I think this may have been a mistake.
You know, I thought the hardest thing
was saying goodbye to Dad,
but now it feels like
I'm losing the two of you.
I just wanted someone to
be there for me, you know?
But I guess I shouldn't have been so stupid
to think that you guys
would be there forever.
(slow gentle music)
Oh my God.
Where's my laptop?
(slow gentle music
continues) (air swooshing)
I had a really expensive
laptop on our kitchen table.
Well, I mean, obviously
insurance covers a lot of that.
Yeah, so are we like okay
in the house and everything,
Oh yeah, no. I mean, yeah.
Because they could come back?
But I'm, yeah, I'm really
sorry about this, you guys.
[Abigail] Yeah, and if you guys find out
any more information, please let us know.
Do you recognize this man?
[Cindy] Yes, that's
the high school principal.
That is exactly right.
Last night someone dropped off
a case of quote, unquote, "evidence"
implicating this man in our investigation
with the fake ID business
that's being run in town.
Unfortunately, this man
has nothing to do with it.
And it was a false allegation.
And we have reason to
believe it was your son Newton
who dropped off the case, so...
(slow gentle music continues)
(slow gentle music continues)
(upbeat music)
(phone buzzing)
(upbeat music continues)
It's so weird to think
this is the end of the road.
You're telling me, I spent
more than 30 years here.
What do you think you'll miss the most?
Certainly the films.
Really?
I would expect you to say
the customers or the staff.
People come and go.
But old movies stay with you forever.
Yeah.
Do you think it's the
movie that stays with you
or the experience?
Help me understand the distinction.
Well, the first movie I ever
saw here was "The Sandlot"
when I was like six.
And it's a great movie,
but I was terrified of the neighbor's dog.
So to cheer me up, my
dad put popcorn up his nose
and then flared his nostrils,
and, and the kernels just
shot out like snot rockets.
And I wasn't so scared anymore.
In a lot of ways, saying
goodbye to the Strand,
it's like saying goodbye
to my dad all over again.
It's been an emotional
time for the staff too.
We're having a little goodbye soiree
at my cottage this evening.
You should come, it'll be cathartic.
Oh, that sounds really nice,
but I don't know if I
can get a ride though.
Well, the last show's almost done.
I'd be happy to give you a lift.
Oh, that's, that's super generous.
We're practically like
family after all this time.
It's no trouble.
(cups clap)
I hate to always be the
one to break the news
But we all seem to see the truth
(phone buzzes)
- Hello?
Shannon, guess what?
You don't have to guess.
I found Ideity, the real one.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
A car matching our description
ran a Volvo off the road the other night.
We, some neighbor I guess caught
the entire thing on a Ring camera.
I just thought I'd call and let you know
you got nothing more to worry about.
Yeah, that's great.
Wait, who is he?
I shouldn't say until we process him
just because it might be
like another principal incident.
But I can tell you that I
am on my way to his cottage
down by the lake right now.
He's at a cottage down by the lake?
Yeah, but I kept it vague.
Is this cottage on the Hideaway Lane?
Yes.
I shouldn't say that.
You, how do you know that?
(dial tone beeps)
(soft eerie music)
(doors close)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(switch flips) (phone buzzes)
(keys texting)
(eerie music continues)
(phone buzzes)
(tense music)
Uh, hey, Mr. Conrad, I'm
actually not feeling too well.
I think that's what happens
when you eat gummy worms and soda all day.
So I'm, I'm actually gonna head out.
But, but thanks for the invite.
You should stay, really.
Come to think of it,
I don't think I ever asked you
how you got the money for the Strand.
I mean, your bake sale
and car wash went south.
How'd you turn your bad luck around?
Well, you, you know
how resourceful I can be.
Grant's rich uncle died,
corporate settlement, bootlegging.
(chuckles) That's a lot of reasons.
Why don't you tell me the real one?
(Newton gulps)
(chuckles) If you hadn't
given them out at the Strand,
I might not have caught on.
Oh, I had such a soft spot for you.
But...
(foreboding music)
Business is business.
It didn't have to end this way.
I left you a very carefully worded threat.
But then you go and make
30 more IDs for the Kappas.
Betraying my mercy comes at a price.
(heart thumping) But you
said we were just like family.
I had to lure you here.
You're never gonna get
away with this, Mr. Conrad.
I have been getting
away with running fake IDs
in this town for over 20 years.
But, but, but you couldn't
cover up one murder
without getting caught.
How do you expect to do another?
That's the richest part.
Faking your suicide will almost be cliche.
Distraught teen who's all alone.
Daddy's just died. Sisters hate him.
And now his real home shuts down.
It's just too much to stomach.
You're wrong, Mr. Conrad.
I've never been alone.
(siren wailing)
(Mr. Conrad grunts) (gun fires)
(fraught music)
Shit.
(fraught music continues)
No, no, no.
(fraught music continues)
Pete.
Shannon, you haven't been
down to the theater in ages.
But these are such odd
circumstances for a reunion.
I know who you are and you're done.
My sister, she's calling the cops,
and they're gonna put
you away for killing that kid.
You know what?
I'm not gonna wait for them.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
(Conrad laughs)
I'm serious. Put your hands up.
[Barrett] Do it, Conrad!
(patriotic music)
What the hell happened to you, Barrett?
Everything all right?
What happened? You shot at me.
Not intentionally.
Damn boy got a hold of my gun.
I was just trying to
Drop it!
Shannon's got you dead to rights.
It's over.
Put your hands above your head.
Of course. Not a problem.
I'd be glad to.
Just as soon as you show me your gun.
Shit.
Duck!
(fraught music)
(gun fires)
(dial tone ringing)
(dial tone beeps)
Oh, dammit!
Abby, I don't wanna die
in Mr. Conrad's cottage.
Me neither, this place
smells like a cranberry bog.
(fraught music continues)
(feet pattering)
(gun fires)
(fraught music continues)
Requesting backup.
I am requesting backup on Hideaway Lane.
(gun firing)
Come, come on, come in.
(gun fires) (tire wheezing)
He shot the tire.
We need to make a run for it!
No, the last thing we do!
He can shoot us and he has a running car.
Then how do we get out of here?
Mr. Conrad has got
a jet ski at at the dock.
We take it across the lake
and we call 9-1-1 when we get service.
The jet skis only seats two people.
We can't leave anyone behind.
I think I got a fix for that.
(fraught music continues)
(stairs banging)
(gun clicks)
(fraught music intensifies)
Barrett.
(gnome shatters)
(frenetic music)
(Conrad growls)
Guys, we gotta go.
Get on the unicorn.
(frenetic music continues)
(jet ski roaring)
(frenetic music continues)
(jet ski roaring)
(frenetic music continues)
(jet ski rumbling)
[Abigail] Ugh, the jet ski is stalling.
What are you guys doing?
He's gonna be here any minute.
It's not working.
I think we're out of gas.
Do you have your phone?
It's shot.
Mine's back at the car.
You need to go run for help.
I can't leave you guys.
Just run to town and ask for help.
Okay.
Look, guys, I, I'm so sorry for everything.
I shouldn't have been looking for Ideity.
You guys were right.
But I want you guys to know
that I love you so much and I'm so sorry.
Apology accepted.
Yes, we love you. Please just go.
(apprehensive music)
Is anyone out there?
Help!
(apprehensive music continues)
(gate creaks)
(apprehensive music continues)
(apprehensive music continues)
(dial tone humming)
(expectant music)
What the?
Get back here, Newton!
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(lighter flicks)
(movie playing)
(fire ignites)
What a sorry little trick.
(fire alarm blaring)
(suspenseful music continues)
No one knows this theater
better than me, Newton!
You had so many good times here.
Now you're destroying the place?
Seriously?
Gotcha.
(pole slams) (Newton screams)
(fire alarm blaring continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
Come on, Newton, you wanted
to save this place so badly.
You worked so hard.
Don't let that go to waste.
The Strand is your home, Newton.
It's your palace, remember?
(Conrad grunts)
(machine slams)
(expectant music)
(box smacks)
(fire alarm blaring continues)
It's just a movie theater, man.
(Newton coughing) (fire
alarm blaring continues)
(gentle music) (Newton breathing heavily)
(gentle music continues)
(fire alarm blaring continues)
(Newton coughs)
(gentle music continues)
Are you okay?
I mean, you're not dead, but
I can't believe this.
Look, I've been so
selfish the past few weeks
and since dad died, really.
And, and I want you guys to know that.
I wasn't doing the fake ID
thing to save the theater.
No, I, I, I was doing it to
spend time with both of you.
I never needed the Strand
or an empire.
I just needed my two sisters.
(uplifting music)
What happened to Conrad?
He's, I don't know if
he's dead or not, but
Oh my God.
I... Are we gonna go look?
Oh my God, Pete!
Hey.
Uh, okay, if any of you guys
ever work in law enforcement
and you think it would look like so cool
to catch the bad guy all by yourself,
just, just call for backup.
But mission accomplished though.
Oh, look what survived the jet ski ride.
So what, did Conrad steal your laptop
because Newton figured him out?
Exactly. All the evidence
is on Abigail's laptop.
[Abigail] But only that evidence.
Yeah, nothing else.
No other reason why
he'd want to steal from us.
But he scrubbed it.
Nothing on there anymore.
All right, well, whenever
you guys are all right,
I do need someone to
make a formal statement.
I can help with that.
Okay, we'll go talk to
my commanding officer.
Wait, Abigail, I... Don't mention it.
What happened to never bailing us out?
People change I guess.
Fighting against what's
wrong doesn't matter.
But people being wronged,
I guess they're worth fighting for.
Same for you, right?
What do you mean?
Changing for the better?
Would party girl Shannon and her fake ID
ever help with a police investigation?
Or her little brother?
I doubt it.
You know, I guess it was a lot more fun
than I thought it would be.
And a lot scarier too.
Yeah, much scarier.
I'm just glad that we can put
the family business behind us.
That I'm not so sure about.
- Newton.
- What?
I have some ideas for a new venture.
(light upbeat rock music)
What kind?
[Newton] We'll put the fake ID money
towards something sustainable.
Something crazy, cool, fun.
(light upbeat rock music continues)
(light upbeat rock music continues)
Say it.
No, mm-mm.
It's not that hard.
You can say it.
I know I can, but I don't want to.
Repeat after me.
Her Lady Krista is correct.
Her Lady Krista is correct.
That the drive-in is awesome.
That the drive-in is awesome.
See, now we're even you.
Promise?
Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna hold
the whole almost dying
thing over your head anymore.
Good.
Unless it benefits me.
You're the worst.
You almost had me killed.
You said we were even.
You keep the score way too much.
- Fine.
- That's not cool.
How will I ever repay you?
Glad you asked.
I have a new adventure for us.
What's that?
There's a haunted
hotel on Millbury Street.
I say we book the honeymoon suite.
Stay over. See what happens.
Well, not in the sexual way, I mean.
It's gonna be fun and awesome.
What kind of ghost ghosts are we talking?
Like specters, ghouls, slimeballs?
[Newton] All of the above.
Okay.
But I have to check in
with Shannon and Abby,
and I'll be right back.
Hey, I love you dude.
Love you too...
Dude.
(Krista chuckles)
You're the expert.
Hey, is Pete coming by?
You guys already talking
shit about me again?
(light upbeat rock music continues)
But no classics allowed.
Because who gives a shit
about the power of nostalgia?
I'm a big believer in
the power of right now,
and I also believe it's gonna be
the best movie theater in the world.
(light rock music)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
(light rock music continues)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
(light rock music continues)
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la, la
Na, na, na, la, la, la, la
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh