Fandango (1985) Movie Script
1
[Cream singing "Badge"]
I'm thinkin' 'bout the times
you drove in my car
I'm thinkin' that I might have
drove you too far
And I'm thinkin' 'bout the
love that you laid on my table
I told you not to wander
'round in the dark
I told you 'bout the swans
that they live in
Gardner, he's coming.
Okay.
Then I told you 'bout our kid
now he's married to Mabel
Gardner: Almost, darling.
But not quite.
[instrumental music]
[mixer whirring]
- He's coming. He's coming.
- More ice! More ice!
- Okay. He's coming.
- Oh, okay.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Phil.
Is this the appropriate
wedding color, son? Black?
It's-it's perfect.
Well, I guess when a Groover
marries, the world mourns.
Wait. Hey!
[indistinct chatter]
Line up. Hey, hey! Line up.
Come on. Line up, okay?
- Okay.
- Alright, alright.
[indistinct chatter]
Turn the music down.
Turn the music down. Come on.
[music turns off]
Oh, God! Come on.
[shushing]
All set. Are you ready? Okay.
Okay, here they come. Shh!
Phil: Shh! Okay.
Three, two, one.
All: Surprise!
Mom, dad.
- Hi, folks!
- Mr. Hicks: Son.
We didn't mean to surprise you,
we just thought we'd drop in
and see where you've been living
for the past four years!
I'm glad you did.
[clamoring]
Oh. You remember Dorman.
- My roommate Dorman?
- Oh, yes, yes.
Aren't you the young man
who is studying to be a--
A minister.
Minister, that's what I thought.
And this is Lester Griffin,
the fifth Groover.
He just graduated
summa cum laude in accounting.
Mr. Hicks: Congratulations, Lester.
[groans]
[thuds]
Well, I, uh, I guess
we'll see you after boot camp.
- Lieutenant.
- Ah, yes, sir.
[screams]
Well, we'll see you, son.
- Bye, mom.
- See you.
Bye, dad.
- Gardner!
- What?
[Elton John singing
"Saturday Night's Alright"]
- Good. I hate that part.
- That was my parents.
So they're from New Jersey,
Phil. They've seen butts before.
Man 1: There he is!
Sneaking in the back door!
The husband!
[indistinct chatter]
You getting married, boy.
Getting married.
Look, where have you been?
I promised Debbie I'd have you
in Dallas by tomorrow night. Okay?
You haven't packed. You're not dressed.
[clamoring]
Speech! Speech!
Man 2: Speech!
[men laughing]
Quiet. Quiet.
Uh, the-- the wedding's off.
[all laughing]
Shut up! Damn it.
Deb and I ain't getting married.
I'm calling it off.
Waggener, that's great!
Oh, son, when did you come
to your senses?
When I got this.
I've been drafted, Gardner.
[paper rustling]
Congratulations.
We're saved.
The Groovers are saved!
Hey. This has his orders on it.
Oh, we got another one, colonel.
Mine says the same thing,
except right here
where it goes, "A review of
your 2-S student deferred status
indicates that you have held
the status for three years
without achieving
academic advancement."
"Therefore, you are hereby
ordered for induction."
[laughs]
This mean I get my fondue set back?
You dog! [screams]
[cheering]
Yeah! Yeah!
[cheering]
Philip! Philip!
Philip, give me your keys.
- We're going somewhere.
- Who's going?
We're going. Us. The Groovers. Now!
What, what about your car?
You're drinking it. Come on. Dorman.
- Whoo! Alright!
- Dorman, get Lester.
You sold your car to throw a party?
But you didn't even graduate!
What is this?
Gardner: A farewell fandango
for the Groovers!
[cheering]
[laughing]
Turn out the lights when you leave.
Gardner: innocent critters squashed
on the highway of life!
[Elton John singing
"Saturday Night's Alright"]
It's getting late
Have you seen my mates?
Ma tell me when the boys get here
It's seven o'clock and I wanna rock
Wanna get a belly full of beer
My old man's a drunker
than a barrel full of monkeys
And my old lady she don't care
My sister looks cute
in her braces and boots
A handful of grease in her hair
Oh don't give us
none of your aggravation
We had it with your discipline
Oh Saturday night's alright
for fighting
Get a little action in
Get about as oiled
as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's
the night I like
Saturday night's alright
alright alright
Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
Well they're packed
pretty tight in here tonight
I'm lookin' for a dolly
who'll see me right
I may use a little muscle
to get what I need
I may sink a little drink
and shout out she's with me
A couple of the sounds
that I really like
Are the sounds of
a switchblade and a motorbike
I'm a juvenile product
of the working class
Whose best friend floats
in the bottom of a glass
Oh
Don't give us
none of your aggravation
We had it with your discipline
Saturday night's alright
for fighting
Get a little action in
Get about as oiled
as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's
the night I like
Saturday night's alright
alright alright
Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
Saturday Saturday Saturday
Saturday Saturday Saturday
Saturday Saturday
Saturday night's alright
Saturday Saturday Saturday
[instrumental music]
[singing in foreign language]
Picante Como se llama Yo mama
[coughs]
Tough it out, son. Tough it out.
Well, now, what do you boys want
for breakfast? Barbecue?
[vomiting]
Okay, chili.
Drafted, graduated,
disengaged.
Guess y'all know
what this means, don't you?
We got to dig up Dom.
[singing in foreign language]
[car door shuts]
Gardner: Open up, Philip.
You're not taking my car to Mexico.
Well, Dom's not in Mexico, son.
He's on the border.
I know where he is.
Philip, do you mean to tell me
that you'd let Dom
stay buried out there
in that desert for a century,
a damn fossil for some
post-historic nerd to find?
No, I mean to tell you that
we're not driving 400 miles in my car
just to go down there and dig him up.
But you swore you would, son.
We all did.
Took a holy Groover oath. Remember?
Waggener: Come one, Phil,
we're dog meat.
This could be our last chance ever.
Gardner: He's right, Philip,
we're facing, we're facing
combat and questionable life spans.
You know, Philip, it's not like
we're going after
some nameless piece of trash
alongside the road. No, sir.
We're going after Dom, Philip,
a dear bud we laid to rest
the very night the Groovers were
born, is all I'm talking about.
Bonds and beers
and the five of us, Philip,
driving down that long,
lonesome highway.
[panting] I'm talking, talking about us
reliving the greatest chapter
in Groover history.
Don't that mean something to you?
[tires screeching]
Ah...
[panting]
Look, we had our fling,
and it was fun, okay?
But we gotta get to Dallas by
tomorrow night for his wedding.
Read my lips, Philip, okay?
He's not getting married.
He didn't back out yet.
Did you?
What'd she say?
Nothing. She wasn't home.
Phil: What?
She was at a kitchen shower,
so I told her dad.
Phil: You called off your wedding
after talking to her dad?
Well, now that we got that out
of the way, can we get going?
- Gardner, we gotta help him.
- Philip...
I'm just as concerned about this
as you are.
I mean, I spent $18 for this tux.
But it's done, son.
It wasn't meant to be.
And Dom is waiting.
- Over, rover!
- Ow! Uh...
Gardner: Come on! Watch out!
Phil: We have to report
to boot camp on Monday night!
Garner: Well, we'll be back
tomorrow night.
Phil: Tomorrow night? We were
gone a week the first time.
Gardner: Flukes, Philip,
Groovers got to expect
that kind of stuff
every once in a while.
[instrumental music]
[engine revving]
Gardner: Hey! How about
margaritas at Chata Ortega's?
Waggener: We can see the donkey lady!
Phil: We could get diseases.
Gardner: I swear, Philip, I don't know
why we bring you along sometimes.
Phil: It's my car, it's my money.
["Too Late" by Carole King]
You know, next time we stop, may
be I can get out and call Deb.
You know, just to sort of
tell her in person.
She's been told, Waggener.
Just let it ride, son.
Give it a few weeks. Then write her.
Too late baby now it's
too late though we really did
You ever have any regrets?
Gardner: About what?
Inside has died and I can't
Certain women.
Just can't fake it oh
I never been serious about
a woman in my life, son.
You know that.
It used to be so easy
livin' here with you
You were light and breezy
and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy
and I feel like a fool
And it's too late baby
now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Somethin' inside has
Waggener: That's dirt, son.
There's no highway through here.
Dotted line means dirt.
I thought it meant shortcut. [chuckles]
You know what E means?
Do you know what E means?
It means empty, douche bag!
Like your head!
[laughs] Well, I guess
I'm just not officer material.
Phil: I guess not.
[car door shuts]
Waggener: Where are we?
[crow cawing]
The ass of nowhere.
[Gardner laughs]
[intense music]
[instrumental music]
[Gardner laughing]
Gardner: Give Lester a beer.
Phil: He doesn't need another beer.
Gardner: The boy's facing life
as an accountant.
He needs something.
I can't believe I let you talk
me into this. This is stupid!
[laughs] It's the stuff
legends are made of, son.
[groans] What time's the wedding?
[wind howling]
Texas is really ugly, you know that?
I mean, what could anyone
possibly like about this state?
I like the way it's shaped.
It's wild, Philip.
Always has been, always will be.
- Just like us.
- Ha!
Ha! Ho-ho-ho! Ho!
[crow cawing]
[car door shuts]
[wind howling]
Waggener: Can you imagine
coming all the way out here
just to get killed?
You having second thoughts?
Yeah, I believe
I burned all my bridges.
Well, buck up, bud,
because I think
you did the right thing.
Yeah, that's what
her father said on the phone.
"You're doing the right thing,
Kenneth."
"I'm behind you all the way."
Always been in front of me till then.
Waggener, she's history,
alright? She's history.
And the only way to get
over a woman, unfortunately,
is you gotta get yourself another one.
So when Dom's dug up
and our duty's done,
you and me, we gonna slide into
Chata Ortega's and we are gonna
destroy a few brain cells
and hunt up some horn-dog wom--
I mean, the guy's rich, Gardner.
He could have made some calls.
Phil: Why should he?
It's your duty.
Yeah, well, I'm proud to be going.
- I am.
- Aren't we all?
[train horn blaring]
[instrumental music]
That's a train, boys!
Phil: Hey!
[Phil groans]
You, off the car!
Phil: Get off my car!
- Come on. We can hop it.
- What?
Nothing's come down that road
for two hours.
- You got any better idea?
- What about my car?
Let's... We'll pick it up
on the way back.
- Forget it! I know you.
- Come on!
- Ugh!
- Waggener: Look, Philip.
This might be the only ride
we get, so lighten up and we--
Phil: We're not leaving my car,
and that's final.
[train horn blaring]
Phil: Gardner, talk to me. Talk to me.
It's possible I got vapor lock
on my brain,
but I just need to know, are you crazy?
Are you out of your mind?
It'll work, Philip.
[intense music]
[grunts]
Phil: You think this is a wise move?
Wait. I mean, it's a train.
Think! Think! Don't be big and stupid.
- Come on.
- Phil: Gardner, Gardner.
Show some sense.
Oh, great. Great.
Yeah, Dorman!
Gardner: Get the wheels straight.
That's a felony, you know that?
Yes.
[music continues]
We're all gonna die!
Didn't you hear me? I said
we're facing imminent death!
It'll be just like
water-skiing, Philip.
- Water-skiing?
- Waggener: Get in!
[intense music]
He did it. Run, son!
- Brake off?
- Yeah.
Waggener: Neutral? Gardner: Check.
- I don't believe this!
- Gardner: It'll work, Philip.
[train chugging]
Waggener: Dorman, run!
[clattering]
Hurry!
Do you know how many pizzas
I had to make to buy this car?
Gardner: Hey.
How are we gonna stop?
[intense music]
[clanking]
[train chugging]
[clanking]
[clanking]
[instrumental music]
[car door creaking]
[car door shuts]
[music continues]
[engine revving]
Phil: First phone we get to,
I'm calling the police.
Gardner: [chuckles] Philip,
can't let a little thing
like this stop the damn
pilgrimage. [chuckles]
Sorry. We're getting off here.
[door shuts]
[dog barking]
That car's afflicted.
No, it just needs
a little alignment hygiene.
Man 3: Well, I hope
y'all ain't in no hurry.
I can't fix it till in the morning.
- How come?
- Because it's Saturday night.
My mechanic's gone honky-ton king.
My tools is in his truck.
Sorry, boys.
A night in Marfa ain't so bad.
Motel's over there.
If you're looking for cheaper bunks,
there is a roadside park
just up the highway.
Out by the old movie set
where they shot "Giant."
- James Dean was here?
- Yeah.
Listen, front-end alignment
will run you 11.95.
Want me to do anything about that?
Yeah, if it's free.
[laughs]
I'll get you out of here
early as I can tomorrow.
Better hurry if you want supper.
Dairy Queen closes at 8:00.
[door shuts]
[buzzing]
Woman 1: May I take your order, please?
Give me three chili dogs and a malt.
[Classics IV singing "Spooky"]
In the cool of the evening
When everything is gettin'
kind of groovy
I call you up and ask you
If you like to go with me
and see a movie
[laughs]
First you say no you've got
some plans for the night"
And then you stop and say alright
Love is kinda crazy with
a spooky little girl like you
You always keep me guessin'
I never seem to know
what you are thinkin'
[indistinct chatter]
And if a fellow looks at you
It's for sure your little eye
will be a-winkin'
I get confused 'cause
I don't know where I stand
And then you smile and hold my hand
Love is kinda crazy with
a spooky little girl like you
[indistinct yelling]
Spooky
Come on now, this is what
we've been waiting for.
Dorman: It's not the same, Gardner.
- What's not?
- Dorman: They're jailbait.
Well, that never stopped us before.
We were jailbait before.
[laughs]
They're airheads, Gardner. Bimbos.
Little girls with little brains.
But we're not trying to expand
their minds, Philip,
so don't get picky on me.
Judy: And so then,
right after she had the baby,
they had to remove her utopian tubes.
No, no. No. That's fallopian, darling.
Fallopian? Those are books
of the Bible, silly.
First and Second Fallopians. [laughs]
So what do y'all wanna do now?
- Are you 18?
- Oh, I know.
Let's shoot fireworks.
Oh! That is so neat! Would...
Would y'all like to do that, huh?
Well, only if it's neat.
Judy: We got tons of bottle rockets
left over from Christmas.
We just gonna pull off the road
or what?
No. I think we'll go
to my daddy's place.
[screams]
Gardner: Just, uh, what exactly
does your daddy do, Lorna, darling?
Lorna: He's in the funeral business.
This is his cemetery.
Come on, y'all. Come on.
Judy: Come on. You'll get used to it.
[Judy chuckles]
Can't we just find
a playground or something?
This has been my playground
ever since I can remember.
[fireworks bursting]
Lorna: See?
Lots of places to hide.
I ain't gonna ask
what we're hiding from.
From each other.
It's no fun shooting rockets
off in the air.
You gotta have moving targets.
Well, ain't that just a tad dangerous?
No. It's so neat!
- We'll choose up sides.
- Okay.
Okay, me and Waggener and Phil.
Okay, y'all guys take
the Garden of the Good Shepherd
and the Garden of Bliss,
we'll go count to 100
while you hide,
and then we'll come after you.
And no aiming for the face,
and be real careful
'cause these things could go off
and hurt somebody.
[screaming]
Come on! Oh!
We started!
- Gardner.
- Come on, Gardner!
[grunting]
- Whoa!
- Get Phil!
- Whoa!
- Get him!
- No!
- Ha-ha-ha...
[fireworks bursting]
[Phil screaming]
Ha-ha...
[screaming]
[fireworks bursting]
[clamoring]
Judy: Watch out!
[screaming]
Yeah!
[laughing]
[cheering]
Let's go, let's go.
Okay. Come on. God!
[indistinct yelling]
[laughing]
[groans]
[laughing]
Lorna: Hey, y'all watch out
for those new graves.
They're not packed down yet.
[laughing]
These stiffs got no manners at all.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
Sorry, friend.
[fireworks bursting]
Ah!
[screaming]
[fireworks bursting]
[cheering]
I'm not sure I can do it, Gardner.
I'm not sure I can go.
Then don't.
[fireworks bursting]
[music continues]
Gardner: [sighs] It's not quite
what I expected.
Waggener: They shot "Giant" here?
Gardner: Can you imagine?
James Dean walking around
right out here.
[coyotes howling]
Gardner: Pass me the classifieds
there, would you, bud?
All that ink's bound to be warm.
Phil: Great. This is the worst.
This is the worst ever.
Now, if it would just rain...
See that star?
Off that peak?
Waggener: That was our star.
Me and Deb.
To talk to when we were apart.
Gardner: Quit it.
I wonder if the night's
like this in Nam.
Phil: You'll find out soon enough.
Looking forward to it,
ain't you, Philip?
Phil: To serving my country?
Yeah. I am.
There are other countries, you know?
Phil: What?
Gardner: There's Canada.
You are the most irresponsible
person I have ever met.
Well, somebody had to be.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[wind howling]
[music continues]
Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Snake! Snake!
- Phil: Snake. It's in my pants.
- What?
- Snake.
- Don't rile him up, Philip.
Damn. It-- it's a snake. Oh...
[grunting]
- Well, what kind is it?
- It's a rattler.
It's moving! It's moving. Oh...
[laughing]
A lizard.
[Gardner laughs]
Well, it felt like a snake.
No, no. It felt, felt like a rattler.
God, I was having a nightmare!
Gardner: Well, get used to them.
Gardner: Alright, 20, 21,
22, 23 and 50.
And five for the go-juice.
And much obliged for that body
job. That is first-rate work.
[laughs]
The other way, bud. Remember?
Gardner: It's lefty loosey,
righty tighty.
[exhales sharply]
[Phil grunting]
Another hundred miles
and we're there, boys!
Dom. Ortega's.
- How about some breakfast?
- Where'd you get the money?
The birthday present from the girls.
It's not your birthday.
- Yeah, well, it's gonna be.
- You stole that money.
Just like you stole my car. [grunts]
What is your problem?
I mean, here we are,
embarked on what is probably
the greatest epic adventure of
all time, and all you can do--
Nobody cares about
epic adventures anymore.
Philip, we...
We came out here to try
and forget some things. Alright?
So why won't you let us?
And there's nothing wrong
with going nowhere, son.
It's, it's, it's a privilege of youth.
Well, we're not youths anymore,
Peter Pan.
You're only 18 once.
Like you're only a virgin once,
and then it's over.
Phil: Like the Groovers.
Well, I sort of like to think
of us as an institution, bud.
Over!
You know, some-- someday,
Philip, when you're old...
Phil: Hey.
Hey, hey, where are you going?
I'm, I'm not even rinsed off!
- No more quarters.
- God!
[grunts]
Phil: I think you're trash, Gardner.
I think you're slime.
Selfish, worthless,
irresponsible slime!
What do you think about that?
I think freedom of expression's
a wonderful thing.
Oh! Turn my car around now!
You're a bullshit artist.
And that's all you're ever gonna
be 'cause when life gets
too complicated,
you just take off, run away!
Well, make the most of this one,
asshole,
'cause it's the last time
you're gonna push me around.
Find some other jerk and go
chasing after rainbows
and chasing after--
Will you shut up? Just shut up!
God, I'm sick of your mouth!
Nobody made you come on this
trip, you pompous little whiner.
Just like nobody made you
room with us for four years!
You wanted to.
But it's always bitch, bitch, bitch
about Dom or dinner
or whatever, 'cause that's all
you're good at!
Well, I'm sick of hearing it.
You're a pain-in-the-ass fellow
who doesn't like anything.
So either kill yourself
and do us all a favor,
or shut the hell up!
[instrumental music on stereo]
[singing in foreign language]
I guess I should have expected as much
from a guy who chickens out
on his own wedding.
Phil: That's right, coward.
It wasn't the draft.
It wasn't her parents.
You just got scared
and ran off like him.
And now you're down here pretending
all this crap is still fun!
Afraid to admit
that she was the best thing
that ever happened to you
because deep down inside,
you know you blew it!
You little wimp, I had to!
Don't tell me...
- Take the wheel.
- No, you bastard!
Goddammit!
[clamoring]
- Philip!
- Come on. Come here.
- Quiet. Quit it!
- Stop it.
- Quit it.
- Ah! Ugh!
That's it, Philip.
Now that's it. You win.
We're going home.
Thanks to you,
Dom don't mean shit anymore.
Dom never meant shit.
You know, Philip,
you talk tough, you act tough,
you march a bunch of weenies
around a... field,
but the fact of the matter is,
son, you are an ROTC colonel
because that's all you ever could be.
And now look at you,
anxious to run off
and get yourself martyred,
hoping somebody's gonna love you
for it.
You're pathetic, Philip.
I don't know how else to say it.
You're just pathetic.
And that is the only reason
any of us ever had anything
to do with you.
Gardner: We never really
liked you, son.
We just felt sorry for ya.
I'm, I'm not a weenie.
Dorman, turn us around.
We gotta get this little weenie back
to his stupid little, worthless war.
Now you listen to me!
Not everyone gets a college education
just handed to 'em, you know?
That uniform is my ticket
to some kind of a future.
And I'm giving my notice right now.
I'll take on anybody, anything,
anywhere, anytime...
[tires screeching]
[singing in foreign language]
Gardner: Well, Philip.
O.. Okay.
[engine revving]
[engine revving]
[goat bleating]
[car doors open]
[car door shuts]
[car door shuts]
[rooster crowing]
[goat bleating]
I'd have done it if we had the money.
[rooster crowing]
You looking for something?
Yes, I am.
I'm, uh, looking
for the head jumping bean.
[goat bleating]
Trelis: Some guys are looking for you.
Oh-ho, good morning to you.
Good morning to you.
Quite a day for jumping,
isn't it? Gardner Barnes.
Your name, sir?
Uh, Truman Sparks.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Truman.
Your wife tells me that
you're in charge around here.
Oh, no. She ain't my wife.
She... Trelis is just my old lady.
- You know?
- Yeah.
Well, Truman, you ever heard
of the "Milwaukee Daily Moon?"
Well, these gentlemen and I
are on the travel
and entertainment staff
of that illustrious newspaper
and we are in the midst
of a research tour.
Our action-adventure editor
over there, Mr. Hicks,
well, he wants to take
a jump course today
so he can accurately depict
the delights of skydiving
of Wild West in his column.
Hey, far out.
He wants to do that today?
No, sir. He wants to do it right now.
And this is gonna be in a paper?
Truman, we are talking
big dollars. Big dollars.
In fact, you think
any of this land here
could be available
for resort development?
- R-resort?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lot of potential. Lot of potential.
And since this, uh, series
gonna be a free Godsend
to the local economy, we are
hoping maybe that you could,
uh, reciprocate a little on the lesson.
- Truman.
- Huh?
- On the lesson.
- Oh. Hey, yeah.
No, no problem.
We'll work something out.
Not gonna be a problem? Good.
- Then let's get to it.
- Okay.
- Mr. Burns.
- Out you go!
Okay, field marshal, let's go.
[chuckles] He's scared
of heights, remember?
Gardner: Well, most weenies are.
[grunting]
Ah! [grunting]
Hey, pretty excited, isn't he?
Oh, the man absolutely thrives
on danger.
Now listen, we need to counsel
with him for a minute
about his editorial approach.
So why don't you go on inside,
you get things strung up, alright?
We'll be in right after you, okay?
Truman: Okay.
[Phil grunting]
Let him up, Dorman.
Pretty mean, aren't you, Phil?
Pretty mean character.
Well, prove it.
Alright, I will.
- But on one condition.
- Anything you say, weenie.
No, you've got to swear it,
in case I'm not here.
- Consider it sworn.
- Me, too.
If I do this, you got to swear
you won't dodge the draft.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You gotta swear you won't
skip off to Mexico with him!
Okay.
I know you better than you think.
- Let's do it.
- Hey, real gung-ho, huh?
Oh, he can hardly wait
to get started, can he?
Okay, Mr. X, come on in, sign
a release, and we'll go for it.
A re... A release?
Truman: Yeah, just the form says
you won't sue me if you get killed.
What?
[sighs]
Okay, now you'll be coming out
here and you'll be doing
a stable fall faced own, frog-modified.
Now out here
comes the static line 'cause
it goes, like, from this to here, see?
And as the pilot chute
will open, and it'll pull
the bridle out, then the main
canopy will be open,
see, because they're all connected.
And then you'll be down here
and you'll be
looking up here for the WDI indicator.
And you're also gonna check
for Mae West.
And if that's not there,
then you need to check here
for four panels and a hole.
Then when you come down, you're
gonna find the P, you're gonna
land over here and you're gonna
get in this position,
except, you don't wanna do that
because that means you're in trouble.
So what you wanna do is
you wanna get right here
and then you're gonna come
around here and you're gonna
fold up and you're gonna do
a toggle and jettison.
And always watch the horizon, okay?
[indistinct cheering]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No.
No. Hold it. Hold.
You screwed up again, man.
You gotta stay clear
of this static line, dude,
or, or you're gonna get
your head tore off.
Okay, now this time
I want you to go ahead
and jump off the strut and arch
back onto this mattress.
[cheering]
Yeah, right. A good, hard arch. Okay?
Let's do it one more time
like I showed you.
Okay, you're inside the plane.
I cut the engine.
You reach your hands outside the door.
Step out on the wheel,
dangle a foot and arch!
[chanting] Arch! Arch! Arch!
Arch!
[thuds]
[laughing]
Oh, wow, he, uh,
he missed the mattress.
[Gardner laughs]
[groans]
[laughing]
You guys might wanna help him
adjust the straps a little.
Ah...
Now the chances of having a malfunction
are one in a thousand, Mr. Hicks.
It's only, like, one in a thousand.
So I-- I don't even want you
worrying about it.
See, I used to rig chutes in Nam, man.
And I repack these babies every week.
So, I mean, even if something
should go wrong with your
main chute, you still got
the old belly reserve here.
So, you know, you get two shots
at that mother, right?
- That's right.
- Okay, now.
We're gonna go through it
like I showed you.
Now you're out on the wing
and you're looking at me. Here.
Come on. You're looking at me
and I give you the signal to go!
Oh, good, well, now you're
arching like crazy and you're
counting, it's a 1001. It's a
1002. There's nothing happening!
When you get to six,
you look up over your shoulder.
It's a screamer! It's
a screamer! Cut away! Cut away!
Uh, pull the D rings!
Oh, God! Oh, shit!
Forgot, you're gonna burn in.
Tuck and cover!
Tuck and cover! Hit the reserve!
Hit it! Look out!
You're gonna burn in, man. Come on!
Look out! Here comes the ground!
Let it go!
[laughing]
Oh, oh...
Truman: Uh, you gotta be cool, dude.
Now you do that in the real
thing, and you're gonna bounce.
- Bounce?
- Truman: Oh, yeah.
You see, when, when somebody
makes the big drop,
they don't really spatter,
they just, they just kind of
bounce, like, about ten feet.
All around here, you don't 'cause the,
the landing zone's real soft.
I, although I did know one case
where a guy
left a crater,
kind of like a meteorite.
Gardner: Did he burn when
he entered the atmosphere?
Truman: Oh, no. I-- I don't think so.
Garner: Okay. He's got this
down. We ready to suit him up?
Truman: Oh, sure thing, Mr. Burns.
[intense music]
[rooster crowing]
[echoing] Test one.
Test two.
Okay, you're all set, man.
I'll be talking you down on this thing.
Hey, is something the matter, dude?
Okay, look, if it'll make it
easier, I, I'll take a chute out
and jump first so as you can
watch how it's done.
Oh. [laughs]
Oh, God. What a space cadet I am, huh?
[laughs] Well, I can't do that.
I-- if I do that, who's gonna
land the plane? [laughs]
Oh, God.
That was a joke, son.
It was a, it was a bad joke.
There she is.
[chuckles] What a beaut.
Yeah, I painted her myself.
Slow year, huh?
- Looks fast, Truman.
- Yeah. It's the stripes.
- Yeah. Well, I like those, man.
- Trelis painted those.
She's real talented.
Watch your heads now.
We don't need that.
Oh, hi, Hazel. No, no flight today.
[instrumental music]
Waggener: Oh, say, Truman,
I ain't sure,
but I think I just hurt your plane.
Oh! Oh, no, man. Don't worry.
That thing's coming off all the time.
You know, I'm always meaning
to fix this thing.
I just never have the time,
you know? [chuckles]
There we go.
That baby's as good as new.
Mr. Hicks!
Oh, here he is.
[laughs] There he is.
- You all set?
- Oh, he's raring to go.
Oh. Hey, uh...
How come you guys ain't writing
any of this stuff down?
That's a good point, Truman.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
[engine sputtering]
You take good notes, Philip.
[whirring]
[engine revving]
Hop in, dude.
[dramatic music]
That's one small step
for a Groover, boys!
One giant leap for weenie-kind!
[music continues]
[engine revving]
Whoo!
[engine revving]
[aircraft droning]
[clattering]
[music continues]
There he is, boys! [laughing]
I think he's really gonna do it.
Ain't this fine?
Vicarious entertainment.
Courtesy of Phil Hicks,
weenie extraordinaire.
Oh, that Phil, he's something.
Trelis: Hey!
Which one of you geeks
grabbed the wrong chute?
Who's got my laundry?
[aircraft droning]
[bottle shatters]
[intense music]
I guess you do this kind
of stuff all the time, huh,
being an action-adventure editor
and all.
Hey, hey did you ever spearfish
for sharks, man?
It must be a real rush, huh? Just...
Just you and a great white, one-on-one.
What do you mean he doesn't have
a radio on the plane?
He never needed one before.
Well, that's against the law, ain't it?
Trelis, honey, listen to me,
listen to me.
You don't understand.
We gotta get him down.
We gotta get him down.
- We gotta stop him, Trelis.
- Quit worrying.
He's got one good chute and my laundry.
You think he's gonna remember
any of that emergency stuff?
- Would you?
- Oh, God Almighty.
We gotta stop him, boys.
We gotta stop him.
We gotta, we gotta do something.
We gotta send him a signal.
- How, smoke signals?
- Burn his car.
No, no! Something else. Something else.
I got it! I-- I got it.
We'll, we'll spell "Don't jump"
on the ground.
With what?
[music continues]
Hey, you don't mind
if I fire up, do you?
You know, you might wanna take
a couple of hits in
before you go out the door.
It makes the trip down
real interesting.
[music continues]
[intense music]
Quick, son.
We need you to be an apostrophe.
No, no, no! It's not gonna work!
It's too small! It's too small.
He's not gonna understand it.
- Well, we're out of clothes.
- Come on, Gardner, think!
[music continues]
Come here, boys!
You know, there aren't many dudes
left around who'll go for it.
I mean, that's what
it's all about, isn't it?
I mean, it's like the man said,
"It's better to go like this
than in some senseless tragedy."
I mean, I'd rather burn in
at 200 miles an hour
and have some laughs than
to eat it in a car accident.
I mean, that's a really dumb way to go.
[music continues]
Oh! Hey, I got to tell you
about my dream!
You're gonna get into this, man.
This is great! No, really.
You see, like the one thing
I wanna do before I join
the cosmos is to hang-glide
off of Mount Everest. Yeah.
But wait, this is
the best part. It's naked!
[laughs] Yeah, man.
Born to be wild
Yeah, we're almost there, buddy.
The drop zone's dead ahead.
Hey, man, what a drag.
Gardner: Oh, look, boys,
plane's coming.
I mean, where do you guys get off?
Biodegradable soap
don't come cheap, you know?
Hey, look. Hey, your buddies
wrote you some kind of message.
This is great!
Like, it's not enough you
already botched one load, huh?
You guys are totally uncool.
My flour!
What a pisser!
"Go on." [chuckles]
Hey, those guys don't let up,
do they? Here, take a look.
- Whoa! Oh!
- Ah...
He's coming, you guys! He's coming!
I don't know what you guys
are on, but you can't handle it.
Uh, ma'am. Uh, wait. Ma'am, no.
- No, Trelis.
- No, ma'am. Whoa.
- We're gonna need that.
- Trelis, no, wait.
Ma'am, wait.
[intense music]
[chuckles]
Okay, man. Get ready!
Just keep your distance, Mac.
Ma'am, we need that laundry
just a few more minutes.
Listen, I ain't kinky.
I ain't into that stuff.
[aircraft droning]
[music continues]
Okay, dude, out you go!
Truman: Remember, I wanna see
a good, hard arch!
What am I doing out here?
Go!
Whoa! [screaming]
Truman: Hey, man, you gotta let go!
Don't get sick, man. I, I can't
land with you like that!
Sorry, dude!
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
A whole washday shot to hell.
Wow, what a bummer.
[aircraft droning]
Hey, Mr. Hicks, guess what!
Truman: Uh, don't get upset,
man, but there's something
I gotta tell you.
Uh, your parachute didn't open, man!
[dramatic music]
Mr. Hicks!
Please, sweet Jesus,
make his brain work.
Hit the reserve, son. Hit it.
Truman: Mr. Hicks? Hey, listen, dude.
If you're into playing it close,
that's cool,
but we're talking
mega malfunction here.
Can you hear me, Mr. Hicks?
Come on, Phil! Hit it!
Why don't you turn
your volume up just a tad?
I said, your parachute
didn't open, man!
What?
Okay, dude, no problem. Just,
just wanted to keep you posted.
Truman: Now, why don't we pull
on that old reserve, huh?
It's on your belly, man.
It's a silver handle on your belly.
Your stomach. Your tum-tum.
Pull the handle on your stomach!
[music continues]
Pull the handle on your stomach!
Pull the handle on your stomach!
- Philip!
- Whoo-hoo!
[aircraft droning]
- Yeah.
- Whoo-hoo!
Oh, hey! Alright! Way to go, Mr. Hicks!
Now get those legs together
and get ready to land!
[groans]
- Yes!
- Whoo-hoo! Hoo!
Alright! Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Alright!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
[indistinct chatter]
[engine revving]
[tires screeching]
- Ha-ha-ha...
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah, son!
- I knew you would make it.
- Whoo-hoo!
- You made it, son! You made it.
Yes, you did.
Philip. Listen to me, son.
Philip, I didn't mean
a word of it. Not a word.
Way to go, Mr. Hicks!
That's a great recovery, man.
I wanna shake your hand.
Say, he's got a pretty good grip
on that thing, doesn't he?
Wake up, son. Wake up. It's all over.
[panting] Philip, forgive us.
We'll never badmouth you again, bud.
Angels!
No, son, it's us!
You made it! You're alive!
And you're going down in the annals
of Grooverdom for this one, bud.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
[laughing]
Ho-- ho-- hold on. Wait
a minute. Hold it right there.
You get a free picture
with your first jump.
Gardner: [laughs] Okay.
Oh, listen, uh, I hope
you guys ain't gonna be too sore
about this little screw-up.
Oh, no, no, no.
Accidents will happen, Truman.
Truman: Yeah, well, see, I,
I don't wanna get no bad press
or nothing.
Okay, hold it, hold it.
I think you're gonna like this one.
[camera clicks]
You're gonna wear that thing out
looking at it so much, Philip.
[water splashing]
Weenies are like that.
Thanks for letting us
finish this thing.
[instrumental music]
It's the last one.
How far is the border?
Oh, it's about
three-four miles that a-way.
Think he's still there? Dom?
Yeah. It don't all change.
This place did.
Remember when you were 16, 17,
looking ahead?
How you knew the next couple
of years, they'd be great?
Just knew it.
I don't feel that way no more.
I'm not going with you, Gardner.
I swore.
I know.
[music continues]
Waggener: How about you?
What's after Mexico?
I ain't too worried about that.
You know, you could request
a duty assignment in Germany.
We got a lot of bases there.
Maybe I could help you out.
Well, thank you, bud,
but, uh, I just can't chance that.
Anyway, you know me,
gotta roam, gotta bird-dog,
gotta cross females and fences.
And if you'd all
just come with me, you'd see.
[birds screeching]
[music continues]
Well, then...
let's go dig that rascal up.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[sighs]
[clanging]
That's it.
Gardner: Hello, bud.
[laughs]
[laughs]
Ah...
[Phil chuckles]
Here's to us, by God!
To us and that
and privileges of youth!
Here's to us and what we were.
And what we'll be.
And what we'll be.
[bottle shatters]
Was it worth it?
Yeah. It-- it was.
Waggener: No, it wasn't.
I blew it.
Goddammit, she loved me, and I blew it.
Maybe it never would have
worked, but at least
I should have tried.
I should have tried!
Goddammit, I blew it!
[sobbing]
You ever been in love, Philip?
[Waggener sobbing]
- I don't know.
- Of course you know.
You ever, you ever thought you
loved a woman, you loved her.
That's all love is, mostly.
Thoughts.
Help me here.
This boy's got to get married.
- Phil: Yeah? Yes?
- Well, of course she said yes.
It was me proposing for him, wasn't it?
- Was she mad?
- It's okay.
I blamed it all on you.
- What?
- Philip, it's okay.
- I think she knows better, son.
- Okay.
Alright, now, for once in your life,
for once, for once in your life,
just do what I tell you to do
and we might pull this thing off.
- Yes, sir.
- Okay.
Okay, are we gonna take him to Dallas?
No.
Her family'd kill him.
Besides, it'd be boring.
- Yeah.
- She's gotta come here.
Phil: How?
Give me that dime.
There's only one human being
that can do it on time.
[Step pen wolf singing
"Born To Be Wild"]
[aircraft droning]
Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
I-35 to loop 635,
uh, south to Band-Aid.
Band-Aid?
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
and explode into space
I like smoke and lightnin'
Heavy metal thunder
Oh. Oh, Cleveland.
[laughing]
And the feeling that I'm under
Man on PA: You. Hey, you! Yeah.
Terminate that flight path immediately
and follow me into Love Field.
Now! I'm not telling you twice.
Explode into space
Like a true nature's child
We were born born to be wild
We can climb so high
I never wanna die
[aircraft droning]
[helicopter whirring]
[instrumental music]
What are you doing?
Us? Oh, we're just setting up
for a wedding reception.
- Man 4: Here?
- Yup. A big one, too.
Champagne, roast duck, the works.
In fact, catering trucks
ought to be here any minute.
You feel free to stick around now.
There gonna be plenty for everybody.
Oh! Napkins.
I forgot to order the napkins.
You know, it's always something.
Hell, I got napkins.
Do you?
[rock music]
[aircraft droning]
Get your motor runnin'
[helicopter whirring]
Head out on the highway
[slurping]
[sighs]
[instrumental music]
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Who? Just a moment.
Are you Mr. Barnes?
- Well, yes, I am.
- Telephone.
Thank you, sir.
Hello? Yes. Yes.
Oh, no. No.
Well, well, how am I supposed to--
- Talk about your rotten luck.
- Phil: What happened?
No champagne. Truck flipped over
in Fort Stockton.
Broke every damn bottle.
What'll we drink?
Say, you all drink beer?
Well, yes. On occasion.
[aircraft whirring]
[cars honking]
[tires screeching]
[whirring]
- Hi there.
- Hi.
- You mind if I cut in?
- Sure.
Thanks a lot.
[engine revving]
Lord, I wish we'd ordered beans
instead of caviar.
I'll go right home and fix a batch.
- You don't have to.
- No problem. No problem.
I hope they're bringing a lot of
tables on that catering truck.
There's a slew of tables
at the schoolhouse.
Well, I wonder if we might
borrow a few, just in case.
I reckon. My son is principal.
Say, you looking for me?
Ed. The butcher.
Oh. Ed, this is so embarrassing.
[aircraft engine revving]
[tires screeching]
[horn blares]
No, sir, never do it,
never cater another party
with those people, I tell you.
You folks are so kind.
- Why, thank you.
- You're welcome.
We lost the band!
Mayor.
Yeah, I heard.
That's a shame.
You know, there's some fellas
here in town
that can really cut a mean--
Well, the hell of it is the band
was bringing the decorations, too.
See, they were bringing
our tree lights.
- Everything.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry you had to hook
those extensions up for nothing.
This thing was coming together
so nice too.
Hm. Well, tree lights, huh? Hm.
[traffic bustling]
Waggener. Waggener.
Wake up. [panting]
Get handsome.
[aircraft droning]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Gardner: Truman, you are
a gentleman and a scholar.
No, look, I-- I owed you one,
Mr. Burns.
And here she is.
Don't I know you?
You used to.
[music continues]
[chuckling]
[chuckling]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[vocalization]
[music continues]
[vocalization]
[indistinct chatter]
Thanks.
[vocalization]
Here. Best man's got to dance,
too, you know?
[vocalization]
Hey! How about a fandango?
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[indistinct chatter]
[cheering]
Keep it.
Have fun!
[crowd cheering]
Where's Gardner? Where's Gardner?
He's not here.
[crowd cheering]
[engine revving]
[clanking]
[instrumental music]
[sighs] Well, listen,
I'm gonna try
and catch a ride with somebody.
It's been real.
Call me sometime.
Arthur Andersen in Dallas.
Gardner didn't say goodbye.
Neither will I.
[music continues]
Dorman?
Goodbye, friend.
Have a nice life.
[music continues]
[Blind Faith singing
"Can't Find My Way Home"]
Come down off your throne
and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason
I've been waiting so long
Somebody holds the key
Well I'm near the end
And I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted
and I can't find my way home
[humming]
Come down on your own
and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I've been
waiting all these years
Somebody holds the key
Well I'm near the end
And I just ain't got the time
Oh and I'm wasted
And I can't find my way home
[humming]
But I can't find my way home
[humming]
But I can't find my way home
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh-ooh
But I can't find my way home
[humming]
But I can't find my way home
Still I can't find my way home
And I ain't done nothing wrong
But I can't find my way home
[Cream singing "Badge"]
I'm thinkin' 'bout the times
you drove in my car
I'm thinkin' that I might have
drove you too far
And I'm thinkin' 'bout the
love that you laid on my table
I told you not to wander
'round in the dark
I told you 'bout the swans
that they live in
Gardner, he's coming.
Okay.
Then I told you 'bout our kid
now he's married to Mabel
Gardner: Almost, darling.
But not quite.
[instrumental music]
[mixer whirring]
- He's coming. He's coming.
- More ice! More ice!
- Okay. He's coming.
- Oh, okay.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Phil.
Is this the appropriate
wedding color, son? Black?
It's-it's perfect.
Well, I guess when a Groover
marries, the world mourns.
Wait. Hey!
[indistinct chatter]
Line up. Hey, hey! Line up.
Come on. Line up, okay?
- Okay.
- Alright, alright.
[indistinct chatter]
Turn the music down.
Turn the music down. Come on.
[music turns off]
Oh, God! Come on.
[shushing]
All set. Are you ready? Okay.
Okay, here they come. Shh!
Phil: Shh! Okay.
Three, two, one.
All: Surprise!
Mom, dad.
- Hi, folks!
- Mr. Hicks: Son.
We didn't mean to surprise you,
we just thought we'd drop in
and see where you've been living
for the past four years!
I'm glad you did.
[clamoring]
Oh. You remember Dorman.
- My roommate Dorman?
- Oh, yes, yes.
Aren't you the young man
who is studying to be a--
A minister.
Minister, that's what I thought.
And this is Lester Griffin,
the fifth Groover.
He just graduated
summa cum laude in accounting.
Mr. Hicks: Congratulations, Lester.
[groans]
[thuds]
Well, I, uh, I guess
we'll see you after boot camp.
- Lieutenant.
- Ah, yes, sir.
[screams]
Well, we'll see you, son.
- Bye, mom.
- See you.
Bye, dad.
- Gardner!
- What?
[Elton John singing
"Saturday Night's Alright"]
- Good. I hate that part.
- That was my parents.
So they're from New Jersey,
Phil. They've seen butts before.
Man 1: There he is!
Sneaking in the back door!
The husband!
[indistinct chatter]
You getting married, boy.
Getting married.
Look, where have you been?
I promised Debbie I'd have you
in Dallas by tomorrow night. Okay?
You haven't packed. You're not dressed.
[clamoring]
Speech! Speech!
Man 2: Speech!
[men laughing]
Quiet. Quiet.
Uh, the-- the wedding's off.
[all laughing]
Shut up! Damn it.
Deb and I ain't getting married.
I'm calling it off.
Waggener, that's great!
Oh, son, when did you come
to your senses?
When I got this.
I've been drafted, Gardner.
[paper rustling]
Congratulations.
We're saved.
The Groovers are saved!
Hey. This has his orders on it.
Oh, we got another one, colonel.
Mine says the same thing,
except right here
where it goes, "A review of
your 2-S student deferred status
indicates that you have held
the status for three years
without achieving
academic advancement."
"Therefore, you are hereby
ordered for induction."
[laughs]
This mean I get my fondue set back?
You dog! [screams]
[cheering]
Yeah! Yeah!
[cheering]
Philip! Philip!
Philip, give me your keys.
- We're going somewhere.
- Who's going?
We're going. Us. The Groovers. Now!
What, what about your car?
You're drinking it. Come on. Dorman.
- Whoo! Alright!
- Dorman, get Lester.
You sold your car to throw a party?
But you didn't even graduate!
What is this?
Gardner: A farewell fandango
for the Groovers!
[cheering]
[laughing]
Turn out the lights when you leave.
Gardner: innocent critters squashed
on the highway of life!
[Elton John singing
"Saturday Night's Alright"]
It's getting late
Have you seen my mates?
Ma tell me when the boys get here
It's seven o'clock and I wanna rock
Wanna get a belly full of beer
My old man's a drunker
than a barrel full of monkeys
And my old lady she don't care
My sister looks cute
in her braces and boots
A handful of grease in her hair
Oh don't give us
none of your aggravation
We had it with your discipline
Oh Saturday night's alright
for fighting
Get a little action in
Get about as oiled
as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's
the night I like
Saturday night's alright
alright alright
Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
Well they're packed
pretty tight in here tonight
I'm lookin' for a dolly
who'll see me right
I may use a little muscle
to get what I need
I may sink a little drink
and shout out she's with me
A couple of the sounds
that I really like
Are the sounds of
a switchblade and a motorbike
I'm a juvenile product
of the working class
Whose best friend floats
in the bottom of a glass
Oh
Don't give us
none of your aggravation
We had it with your discipline
Saturday night's alright
for fighting
Get a little action in
Get about as oiled
as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's
the night I like
Saturday night's alright
alright alright
Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
Saturday Saturday Saturday
Saturday Saturday Saturday
Saturday Saturday
Saturday night's alright
Saturday Saturday Saturday
[instrumental music]
[singing in foreign language]
Picante Como se llama Yo mama
[coughs]
Tough it out, son. Tough it out.
Well, now, what do you boys want
for breakfast? Barbecue?
[vomiting]
Okay, chili.
Drafted, graduated,
disengaged.
Guess y'all know
what this means, don't you?
We got to dig up Dom.
[singing in foreign language]
[car door shuts]
Gardner: Open up, Philip.
You're not taking my car to Mexico.
Well, Dom's not in Mexico, son.
He's on the border.
I know where he is.
Philip, do you mean to tell me
that you'd let Dom
stay buried out there
in that desert for a century,
a damn fossil for some
post-historic nerd to find?
No, I mean to tell you that
we're not driving 400 miles in my car
just to go down there and dig him up.
But you swore you would, son.
We all did.
Took a holy Groover oath. Remember?
Waggener: Come one, Phil,
we're dog meat.
This could be our last chance ever.
Gardner: He's right, Philip,
we're facing, we're facing
combat and questionable life spans.
You know, Philip, it's not like
we're going after
some nameless piece of trash
alongside the road. No, sir.
We're going after Dom, Philip,
a dear bud we laid to rest
the very night the Groovers were
born, is all I'm talking about.
Bonds and beers
and the five of us, Philip,
driving down that long,
lonesome highway.
[panting] I'm talking, talking about us
reliving the greatest chapter
in Groover history.
Don't that mean something to you?
[tires screeching]
Ah...
[panting]
Look, we had our fling,
and it was fun, okay?
But we gotta get to Dallas by
tomorrow night for his wedding.
Read my lips, Philip, okay?
He's not getting married.
He didn't back out yet.
Did you?
What'd she say?
Nothing. She wasn't home.
Phil: What?
She was at a kitchen shower,
so I told her dad.
Phil: You called off your wedding
after talking to her dad?
Well, now that we got that out
of the way, can we get going?
- Gardner, we gotta help him.
- Philip...
I'm just as concerned about this
as you are.
I mean, I spent $18 for this tux.
But it's done, son.
It wasn't meant to be.
And Dom is waiting.
- Over, rover!
- Ow! Uh...
Gardner: Come on! Watch out!
Phil: We have to report
to boot camp on Monday night!
Garner: Well, we'll be back
tomorrow night.
Phil: Tomorrow night? We were
gone a week the first time.
Gardner: Flukes, Philip,
Groovers got to expect
that kind of stuff
every once in a while.
[instrumental music]
[engine revving]
Gardner: Hey! How about
margaritas at Chata Ortega's?
Waggener: We can see the donkey lady!
Phil: We could get diseases.
Gardner: I swear, Philip, I don't know
why we bring you along sometimes.
Phil: It's my car, it's my money.
["Too Late" by Carole King]
You know, next time we stop, may
be I can get out and call Deb.
You know, just to sort of
tell her in person.
She's been told, Waggener.
Just let it ride, son.
Give it a few weeks. Then write her.
Too late baby now it's
too late though we really did
You ever have any regrets?
Gardner: About what?
Inside has died and I can't
Certain women.
Just can't fake it oh
I never been serious about
a woman in my life, son.
You know that.
It used to be so easy
livin' here with you
You were light and breezy
and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy
and I feel like a fool
And it's too late baby
now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Somethin' inside has
Waggener: That's dirt, son.
There's no highway through here.
Dotted line means dirt.
I thought it meant shortcut. [chuckles]
You know what E means?
Do you know what E means?
It means empty, douche bag!
Like your head!
[laughs] Well, I guess
I'm just not officer material.
Phil: I guess not.
[car door shuts]
Waggener: Where are we?
[crow cawing]
The ass of nowhere.
[Gardner laughs]
[intense music]
[instrumental music]
[Gardner laughing]
Gardner: Give Lester a beer.
Phil: He doesn't need another beer.
Gardner: The boy's facing life
as an accountant.
He needs something.
I can't believe I let you talk
me into this. This is stupid!
[laughs] It's the stuff
legends are made of, son.
[groans] What time's the wedding?
[wind howling]
Texas is really ugly, you know that?
I mean, what could anyone
possibly like about this state?
I like the way it's shaped.
It's wild, Philip.
Always has been, always will be.
- Just like us.
- Ha!
Ha! Ho-ho-ho! Ho!
[crow cawing]
[car door shuts]
[wind howling]
Waggener: Can you imagine
coming all the way out here
just to get killed?
You having second thoughts?
Yeah, I believe
I burned all my bridges.
Well, buck up, bud,
because I think
you did the right thing.
Yeah, that's what
her father said on the phone.
"You're doing the right thing,
Kenneth."
"I'm behind you all the way."
Always been in front of me till then.
Waggener, she's history,
alright? She's history.
And the only way to get
over a woman, unfortunately,
is you gotta get yourself another one.
So when Dom's dug up
and our duty's done,
you and me, we gonna slide into
Chata Ortega's and we are gonna
destroy a few brain cells
and hunt up some horn-dog wom--
I mean, the guy's rich, Gardner.
He could have made some calls.
Phil: Why should he?
It's your duty.
Yeah, well, I'm proud to be going.
- I am.
- Aren't we all?
[train horn blaring]
[instrumental music]
That's a train, boys!
Phil: Hey!
[Phil groans]
You, off the car!
Phil: Get off my car!
- Come on. We can hop it.
- What?
Nothing's come down that road
for two hours.
- You got any better idea?
- What about my car?
Let's... We'll pick it up
on the way back.
- Forget it! I know you.
- Come on!
- Ugh!
- Waggener: Look, Philip.
This might be the only ride
we get, so lighten up and we--
Phil: We're not leaving my car,
and that's final.
[train horn blaring]
Phil: Gardner, talk to me. Talk to me.
It's possible I got vapor lock
on my brain,
but I just need to know, are you crazy?
Are you out of your mind?
It'll work, Philip.
[intense music]
[grunts]
Phil: You think this is a wise move?
Wait. I mean, it's a train.
Think! Think! Don't be big and stupid.
- Come on.
- Phil: Gardner, Gardner.
Show some sense.
Oh, great. Great.
Yeah, Dorman!
Gardner: Get the wheels straight.
That's a felony, you know that?
Yes.
[music continues]
We're all gonna die!
Didn't you hear me? I said
we're facing imminent death!
It'll be just like
water-skiing, Philip.
- Water-skiing?
- Waggener: Get in!
[intense music]
He did it. Run, son!
- Brake off?
- Yeah.
Waggener: Neutral? Gardner: Check.
- I don't believe this!
- Gardner: It'll work, Philip.
[train chugging]
Waggener: Dorman, run!
[clattering]
Hurry!
Do you know how many pizzas
I had to make to buy this car?
Gardner: Hey.
How are we gonna stop?
[intense music]
[clanking]
[train chugging]
[clanking]
[clanking]
[instrumental music]
[car door creaking]
[car door shuts]
[music continues]
[engine revving]
Phil: First phone we get to,
I'm calling the police.
Gardner: [chuckles] Philip,
can't let a little thing
like this stop the damn
pilgrimage. [chuckles]
Sorry. We're getting off here.
[door shuts]
[dog barking]
That car's afflicted.
No, it just needs
a little alignment hygiene.
Man 3: Well, I hope
y'all ain't in no hurry.
I can't fix it till in the morning.
- How come?
- Because it's Saturday night.
My mechanic's gone honky-ton king.
My tools is in his truck.
Sorry, boys.
A night in Marfa ain't so bad.
Motel's over there.
If you're looking for cheaper bunks,
there is a roadside park
just up the highway.
Out by the old movie set
where they shot "Giant."
- James Dean was here?
- Yeah.
Listen, front-end alignment
will run you 11.95.
Want me to do anything about that?
Yeah, if it's free.
[laughs]
I'll get you out of here
early as I can tomorrow.
Better hurry if you want supper.
Dairy Queen closes at 8:00.
[door shuts]
[buzzing]
Woman 1: May I take your order, please?
Give me three chili dogs and a malt.
[Classics IV singing "Spooky"]
In the cool of the evening
When everything is gettin'
kind of groovy
I call you up and ask you
If you like to go with me
and see a movie
[laughs]
First you say no you've got
some plans for the night"
And then you stop and say alright
Love is kinda crazy with
a spooky little girl like you
You always keep me guessin'
I never seem to know
what you are thinkin'
[indistinct chatter]
And if a fellow looks at you
It's for sure your little eye
will be a-winkin'
I get confused 'cause
I don't know where I stand
And then you smile and hold my hand
Love is kinda crazy with
a spooky little girl like you
[indistinct yelling]
Spooky
Come on now, this is what
we've been waiting for.
Dorman: It's not the same, Gardner.
- What's not?
- Dorman: They're jailbait.
Well, that never stopped us before.
We were jailbait before.
[laughs]
They're airheads, Gardner. Bimbos.
Little girls with little brains.
But we're not trying to expand
their minds, Philip,
so don't get picky on me.
Judy: And so then,
right after she had the baby,
they had to remove her utopian tubes.
No, no. No. That's fallopian, darling.
Fallopian? Those are books
of the Bible, silly.
First and Second Fallopians. [laughs]
So what do y'all wanna do now?
- Are you 18?
- Oh, I know.
Let's shoot fireworks.
Oh! That is so neat! Would...
Would y'all like to do that, huh?
Well, only if it's neat.
Judy: We got tons of bottle rockets
left over from Christmas.
We just gonna pull off the road
or what?
No. I think we'll go
to my daddy's place.
[screams]
Gardner: Just, uh, what exactly
does your daddy do, Lorna, darling?
Lorna: He's in the funeral business.
This is his cemetery.
Come on, y'all. Come on.
Judy: Come on. You'll get used to it.
[Judy chuckles]
Can't we just find
a playground or something?
This has been my playground
ever since I can remember.
[fireworks bursting]
Lorna: See?
Lots of places to hide.
I ain't gonna ask
what we're hiding from.
From each other.
It's no fun shooting rockets
off in the air.
You gotta have moving targets.
Well, ain't that just a tad dangerous?
No. It's so neat!
- We'll choose up sides.
- Okay.
Okay, me and Waggener and Phil.
Okay, y'all guys take
the Garden of the Good Shepherd
and the Garden of Bliss,
we'll go count to 100
while you hide,
and then we'll come after you.
And no aiming for the face,
and be real careful
'cause these things could go off
and hurt somebody.
[screaming]
Come on! Oh!
We started!
- Gardner.
- Come on, Gardner!
[grunting]
- Whoa!
- Get Phil!
- Whoa!
- Get him!
- No!
- Ha-ha-ha...
[fireworks bursting]
[Phil screaming]
Ha-ha...
[screaming]
[fireworks bursting]
[clamoring]
Judy: Watch out!
[screaming]
Yeah!
[laughing]
[cheering]
Let's go, let's go.
Okay. Come on. God!
[indistinct yelling]
[laughing]
[groans]
[laughing]
Lorna: Hey, y'all watch out
for those new graves.
They're not packed down yet.
[laughing]
These stiffs got no manners at all.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
Sorry, friend.
[fireworks bursting]
Ah!
[screaming]
[fireworks bursting]
[cheering]
I'm not sure I can do it, Gardner.
I'm not sure I can go.
Then don't.
[fireworks bursting]
[music continues]
Gardner: [sighs] It's not quite
what I expected.
Waggener: They shot "Giant" here?
Gardner: Can you imagine?
James Dean walking around
right out here.
[coyotes howling]
Gardner: Pass me the classifieds
there, would you, bud?
All that ink's bound to be warm.
Phil: Great. This is the worst.
This is the worst ever.
Now, if it would just rain...
See that star?
Off that peak?
Waggener: That was our star.
Me and Deb.
To talk to when we were apart.
Gardner: Quit it.
I wonder if the night's
like this in Nam.
Phil: You'll find out soon enough.
Looking forward to it,
ain't you, Philip?
Phil: To serving my country?
Yeah. I am.
There are other countries, you know?
Phil: What?
Gardner: There's Canada.
You are the most irresponsible
person I have ever met.
Well, somebody had to be.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[wind howling]
[music continues]
Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Snake! Snake!
- Phil: Snake. It's in my pants.
- What?
- Snake.
- Don't rile him up, Philip.
Damn. It-- it's a snake. Oh...
[grunting]
- Well, what kind is it?
- It's a rattler.
It's moving! It's moving. Oh...
[laughing]
A lizard.
[Gardner laughs]
Well, it felt like a snake.
No, no. It felt, felt like a rattler.
God, I was having a nightmare!
Gardner: Well, get used to them.
Gardner: Alright, 20, 21,
22, 23 and 50.
And five for the go-juice.
And much obliged for that body
job. That is first-rate work.
[laughs]
The other way, bud. Remember?
Gardner: It's lefty loosey,
righty tighty.
[exhales sharply]
[Phil grunting]
Another hundred miles
and we're there, boys!
Dom. Ortega's.
- How about some breakfast?
- Where'd you get the money?
The birthday present from the girls.
It's not your birthday.
- Yeah, well, it's gonna be.
- You stole that money.
Just like you stole my car. [grunts]
What is your problem?
I mean, here we are,
embarked on what is probably
the greatest epic adventure of
all time, and all you can do--
Nobody cares about
epic adventures anymore.
Philip, we...
We came out here to try
and forget some things. Alright?
So why won't you let us?
And there's nothing wrong
with going nowhere, son.
It's, it's, it's a privilege of youth.
Well, we're not youths anymore,
Peter Pan.
You're only 18 once.
Like you're only a virgin once,
and then it's over.
Phil: Like the Groovers.
Well, I sort of like to think
of us as an institution, bud.
Over!
You know, some-- someday,
Philip, when you're old...
Phil: Hey.
Hey, hey, where are you going?
I'm, I'm not even rinsed off!
- No more quarters.
- God!
[grunts]
Phil: I think you're trash, Gardner.
I think you're slime.
Selfish, worthless,
irresponsible slime!
What do you think about that?
I think freedom of expression's
a wonderful thing.
Oh! Turn my car around now!
You're a bullshit artist.
And that's all you're ever gonna
be 'cause when life gets
too complicated,
you just take off, run away!
Well, make the most of this one,
asshole,
'cause it's the last time
you're gonna push me around.
Find some other jerk and go
chasing after rainbows
and chasing after--
Will you shut up? Just shut up!
God, I'm sick of your mouth!
Nobody made you come on this
trip, you pompous little whiner.
Just like nobody made you
room with us for four years!
You wanted to.
But it's always bitch, bitch, bitch
about Dom or dinner
or whatever, 'cause that's all
you're good at!
Well, I'm sick of hearing it.
You're a pain-in-the-ass fellow
who doesn't like anything.
So either kill yourself
and do us all a favor,
or shut the hell up!
[instrumental music on stereo]
[singing in foreign language]
I guess I should have expected as much
from a guy who chickens out
on his own wedding.
Phil: That's right, coward.
It wasn't the draft.
It wasn't her parents.
You just got scared
and ran off like him.
And now you're down here pretending
all this crap is still fun!
Afraid to admit
that she was the best thing
that ever happened to you
because deep down inside,
you know you blew it!
You little wimp, I had to!
Don't tell me...
- Take the wheel.
- No, you bastard!
Goddammit!
[clamoring]
- Philip!
- Come on. Come here.
- Quiet. Quit it!
- Stop it.
- Quit it.
- Ah! Ugh!
That's it, Philip.
Now that's it. You win.
We're going home.
Thanks to you,
Dom don't mean shit anymore.
Dom never meant shit.
You know, Philip,
you talk tough, you act tough,
you march a bunch of weenies
around a... field,
but the fact of the matter is,
son, you are an ROTC colonel
because that's all you ever could be.
And now look at you,
anxious to run off
and get yourself martyred,
hoping somebody's gonna love you
for it.
You're pathetic, Philip.
I don't know how else to say it.
You're just pathetic.
And that is the only reason
any of us ever had anything
to do with you.
Gardner: We never really
liked you, son.
We just felt sorry for ya.
I'm, I'm not a weenie.
Dorman, turn us around.
We gotta get this little weenie back
to his stupid little, worthless war.
Now you listen to me!
Not everyone gets a college education
just handed to 'em, you know?
That uniform is my ticket
to some kind of a future.
And I'm giving my notice right now.
I'll take on anybody, anything,
anywhere, anytime...
[tires screeching]
[singing in foreign language]
Gardner: Well, Philip.
O.. Okay.
[engine revving]
[engine revving]
[goat bleating]
[car doors open]
[car door shuts]
[car door shuts]
[rooster crowing]
[goat bleating]
I'd have done it if we had the money.
[rooster crowing]
You looking for something?
Yes, I am.
I'm, uh, looking
for the head jumping bean.
[goat bleating]
Trelis: Some guys are looking for you.
Oh-ho, good morning to you.
Good morning to you.
Quite a day for jumping,
isn't it? Gardner Barnes.
Your name, sir?
Uh, Truman Sparks.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Truman.
Your wife tells me that
you're in charge around here.
Oh, no. She ain't my wife.
She... Trelis is just my old lady.
- You know?
- Yeah.
Well, Truman, you ever heard
of the "Milwaukee Daily Moon?"
Well, these gentlemen and I
are on the travel
and entertainment staff
of that illustrious newspaper
and we are in the midst
of a research tour.
Our action-adventure editor
over there, Mr. Hicks,
well, he wants to take
a jump course today
so he can accurately depict
the delights of skydiving
of Wild West in his column.
Hey, far out.
He wants to do that today?
No, sir. He wants to do it right now.
And this is gonna be in a paper?
Truman, we are talking
big dollars. Big dollars.
In fact, you think
any of this land here
could be available
for resort development?
- R-resort?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lot of potential. Lot of potential.
And since this, uh, series
gonna be a free Godsend
to the local economy, we are
hoping maybe that you could,
uh, reciprocate a little on the lesson.
- Truman.
- Huh?
- On the lesson.
- Oh. Hey, yeah.
No, no problem.
We'll work something out.
Not gonna be a problem? Good.
- Then let's get to it.
- Okay.
- Mr. Burns.
- Out you go!
Okay, field marshal, let's go.
[chuckles] He's scared
of heights, remember?
Gardner: Well, most weenies are.
[grunting]
Ah! [grunting]
Hey, pretty excited, isn't he?
Oh, the man absolutely thrives
on danger.
Now listen, we need to counsel
with him for a minute
about his editorial approach.
So why don't you go on inside,
you get things strung up, alright?
We'll be in right after you, okay?
Truman: Okay.
[Phil grunting]
Let him up, Dorman.
Pretty mean, aren't you, Phil?
Pretty mean character.
Well, prove it.
Alright, I will.
- But on one condition.
- Anything you say, weenie.
No, you've got to swear it,
in case I'm not here.
- Consider it sworn.
- Me, too.
If I do this, you got to swear
you won't dodge the draft.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You gotta swear you won't
skip off to Mexico with him!
Okay.
I know you better than you think.
- Let's do it.
- Hey, real gung-ho, huh?
Oh, he can hardly wait
to get started, can he?
Okay, Mr. X, come on in, sign
a release, and we'll go for it.
A re... A release?
Truman: Yeah, just the form says
you won't sue me if you get killed.
What?
[sighs]
Okay, now you'll be coming out
here and you'll be doing
a stable fall faced own, frog-modified.
Now out here
comes the static line 'cause
it goes, like, from this to here, see?
And as the pilot chute
will open, and it'll pull
the bridle out, then the main
canopy will be open,
see, because they're all connected.
And then you'll be down here
and you'll be
looking up here for the WDI indicator.
And you're also gonna check
for Mae West.
And if that's not there,
then you need to check here
for four panels and a hole.
Then when you come down, you're
gonna find the P, you're gonna
land over here and you're gonna
get in this position,
except, you don't wanna do that
because that means you're in trouble.
So what you wanna do is
you wanna get right here
and then you're gonna come
around here and you're gonna
fold up and you're gonna do
a toggle and jettison.
And always watch the horizon, okay?
[indistinct cheering]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No.
No. Hold it. Hold.
You screwed up again, man.
You gotta stay clear
of this static line, dude,
or, or you're gonna get
your head tore off.
Okay, now this time
I want you to go ahead
and jump off the strut and arch
back onto this mattress.
[cheering]
Yeah, right. A good, hard arch. Okay?
Let's do it one more time
like I showed you.
Okay, you're inside the plane.
I cut the engine.
You reach your hands outside the door.
Step out on the wheel,
dangle a foot and arch!
[chanting] Arch! Arch! Arch!
Arch!
[thuds]
[laughing]
Oh, wow, he, uh,
he missed the mattress.
[Gardner laughs]
[groans]
[laughing]
You guys might wanna help him
adjust the straps a little.
Ah...
Now the chances of having a malfunction
are one in a thousand, Mr. Hicks.
It's only, like, one in a thousand.
So I-- I don't even want you
worrying about it.
See, I used to rig chutes in Nam, man.
And I repack these babies every week.
So, I mean, even if something
should go wrong with your
main chute, you still got
the old belly reserve here.
So, you know, you get two shots
at that mother, right?
- That's right.
- Okay, now.
We're gonna go through it
like I showed you.
Now you're out on the wing
and you're looking at me. Here.
Come on. You're looking at me
and I give you the signal to go!
Oh, good, well, now you're
arching like crazy and you're
counting, it's a 1001. It's a
1002. There's nothing happening!
When you get to six,
you look up over your shoulder.
It's a screamer! It's
a screamer! Cut away! Cut away!
Uh, pull the D rings!
Oh, God! Oh, shit!
Forgot, you're gonna burn in.
Tuck and cover!
Tuck and cover! Hit the reserve!
Hit it! Look out!
You're gonna burn in, man. Come on!
Look out! Here comes the ground!
Let it go!
[laughing]
Oh, oh...
Truman: Uh, you gotta be cool, dude.
Now you do that in the real
thing, and you're gonna bounce.
- Bounce?
- Truman: Oh, yeah.
You see, when, when somebody
makes the big drop,
they don't really spatter,
they just, they just kind of
bounce, like, about ten feet.
All around here, you don't 'cause the,
the landing zone's real soft.
I, although I did know one case
where a guy
left a crater,
kind of like a meteorite.
Gardner: Did he burn when
he entered the atmosphere?
Truman: Oh, no. I-- I don't think so.
Garner: Okay. He's got this
down. We ready to suit him up?
Truman: Oh, sure thing, Mr. Burns.
[intense music]
[rooster crowing]
[echoing] Test one.
Test two.
Okay, you're all set, man.
I'll be talking you down on this thing.
Hey, is something the matter, dude?
Okay, look, if it'll make it
easier, I, I'll take a chute out
and jump first so as you can
watch how it's done.
Oh. [laughs]
Oh, God. What a space cadet I am, huh?
[laughs] Well, I can't do that.
I-- if I do that, who's gonna
land the plane? [laughs]
Oh, God.
That was a joke, son.
It was a, it was a bad joke.
There she is.
[chuckles] What a beaut.
Yeah, I painted her myself.
Slow year, huh?
- Looks fast, Truman.
- Yeah. It's the stripes.
- Yeah. Well, I like those, man.
- Trelis painted those.
She's real talented.
Watch your heads now.
We don't need that.
Oh, hi, Hazel. No, no flight today.
[instrumental music]
Waggener: Oh, say, Truman,
I ain't sure,
but I think I just hurt your plane.
Oh! Oh, no, man. Don't worry.
That thing's coming off all the time.
You know, I'm always meaning
to fix this thing.
I just never have the time,
you know? [chuckles]
There we go.
That baby's as good as new.
Mr. Hicks!
Oh, here he is.
[laughs] There he is.
- You all set?
- Oh, he's raring to go.
Oh. Hey, uh...
How come you guys ain't writing
any of this stuff down?
That's a good point, Truman.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
[engine sputtering]
You take good notes, Philip.
[whirring]
[engine revving]
Hop in, dude.
[dramatic music]
That's one small step
for a Groover, boys!
One giant leap for weenie-kind!
[music continues]
[engine revving]
Whoo!
[engine revving]
[aircraft droning]
[clattering]
[music continues]
There he is, boys! [laughing]
I think he's really gonna do it.
Ain't this fine?
Vicarious entertainment.
Courtesy of Phil Hicks,
weenie extraordinaire.
Oh, that Phil, he's something.
Trelis: Hey!
Which one of you geeks
grabbed the wrong chute?
Who's got my laundry?
[aircraft droning]
[bottle shatters]
[intense music]
I guess you do this kind
of stuff all the time, huh,
being an action-adventure editor
and all.
Hey, hey did you ever spearfish
for sharks, man?
It must be a real rush, huh? Just...
Just you and a great white, one-on-one.
What do you mean he doesn't have
a radio on the plane?
He never needed one before.
Well, that's against the law, ain't it?
Trelis, honey, listen to me,
listen to me.
You don't understand.
We gotta get him down.
We gotta get him down.
- We gotta stop him, Trelis.
- Quit worrying.
He's got one good chute and my laundry.
You think he's gonna remember
any of that emergency stuff?
- Would you?
- Oh, God Almighty.
We gotta stop him, boys.
We gotta stop him.
We gotta, we gotta do something.
We gotta send him a signal.
- How, smoke signals?
- Burn his car.
No, no! Something else. Something else.
I got it! I-- I got it.
We'll, we'll spell "Don't jump"
on the ground.
With what?
[music continues]
Hey, you don't mind
if I fire up, do you?
You know, you might wanna take
a couple of hits in
before you go out the door.
It makes the trip down
real interesting.
[music continues]
[intense music]
Quick, son.
We need you to be an apostrophe.
No, no, no! It's not gonna work!
It's too small! It's too small.
He's not gonna understand it.
- Well, we're out of clothes.
- Come on, Gardner, think!
[music continues]
Come here, boys!
You know, there aren't many dudes
left around who'll go for it.
I mean, that's what
it's all about, isn't it?
I mean, it's like the man said,
"It's better to go like this
than in some senseless tragedy."
I mean, I'd rather burn in
at 200 miles an hour
and have some laughs than
to eat it in a car accident.
I mean, that's a really dumb way to go.
[music continues]
Oh! Hey, I got to tell you
about my dream!
You're gonna get into this, man.
This is great! No, really.
You see, like the one thing
I wanna do before I join
the cosmos is to hang-glide
off of Mount Everest. Yeah.
But wait, this is
the best part. It's naked!
[laughs] Yeah, man.
Born to be wild
Yeah, we're almost there, buddy.
The drop zone's dead ahead.
Hey, man, what a drag.
Gardner: Oh, look, boys,
plane's coming.
I mean, where do you guys get off?
Biodegradable soap
don't come cheap, you know?
Hey, look. Hey, your buddies
wrote you some kind of message.
This is great!
Like, it's not enough you
already botched one load, huh?
You guys are totally uncool.
My flour!
What a pisser!
"Go on." [chuckles]
Hey, those guys don't let up,
do they? Here, take a look.
- Whoa! Oh!
- Ah...
He's coming, you guys! He's coming!
I don't know what you guys
are on, but you can't handle it.
Uh, ma'am. Uh, wait. Ma'am, no.
- No, Trelis.
- No, ma'am. Whoa.
- We're gonna need that.
- Trelis, no, wait.
Ma'am, wait.
[intense music]
[chuckles]
Okay, man. Get ready!
Just keep your distance, Mac.
Ma'am, we need that laundry
just a few more minutes.
Listen, I ain't kinky.
I ain't into that stuff.
[aircraft droning]
[music continues]
Okay, dude, out you go!
Truman: Remember, I wanna see
a good, hard arch!
What am I doing out here?
Go!
Whoa! [screaming]
Truman: Hey, man, you gotta let go!
Don't get sick, man. I, I can't
land with you like that!
Sorry, dude!
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
A whole washday shot to hell.
Wow, what a bummer.
[aircraft droning]
Hey, Mr. Hicks, guess what!
Truman: Uh, don't get upset,
man, but there's something
I gotta tell you.
Uh, your parachute didn't open, man!
[dramatic music]
Mr. Hicks!
Please, sweet Jesus,
make his brain work.
Hit the reserve, son. Hit it.
Truman: Mr. Hicks? Hey, listen, dude.
If you're into playing it close,
that's cool,
but we're talking
mega malfunction here.
Can you hear me, Mr. Hicks?
Come on, Phil! Hit it!
Why don't you turn
your volume up just a tad?
I said, your parachute
didn't open, man!
What?
Okay, dude, no problem. Just,
just wanted to keep you posted.
Truman: Now, why don't we pull
on that old reserve, huh?
It's on your belly, man.
It's a silver handle on your belly.
Your stomach. Your tum-tum.
Pull the handle on your stomach!
[music continues]
Pull the handle on your stomach!
Pull the handle on your stomach!
- Philip!
- Whoo-hoo!
[aircraft droning]
- Yeah.
- Whoo-hoo!
Oh, hey! Alright! Way to go, Mr. Hicks!
Now get those legs together
and get ready to land!
[groans]
- Yes!
- Whoo-hoo! Hoo!
Alright! Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Alright!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
[indistinct chatter]
[engine revving]
[tires screeching]
- Ha-ha-ha...
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah, son!
- I knew you would make it.
- Whoo-hoo!
- You made it, son! You made it.
Yes, you did.
Philip. Listen to me, son.
Philip, I didn't mean
a word of it. Not a word.
Way to go, Mr. Hicks!
That's a great recovery, man.
I wanna shake your hand.
Say, he's got a pretty good grip
on that thing, doesn't he?
Wake up, son. Wake up. It's all over.
[panting] Philip, forgive us.
We'll never badmouth you again, bud.
Angels!
No, son, it's us!
You made it! You're alive!
And you're going down in the annals
of Grooverdom for this one, bud.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
[laughing]
Ho-- ho-- hold on. Wait
a minute. Hold it right there.
You get a free picture
with your first jump.
Gardner: [laughs] Okay.
Oh, listen, uh, I hope
you guys ain't gonna be too sore
about this little screw-up.
Oh, no, no, no.
Accidents will happen, Truman.
Truman: Yeah, well, see, I,
I don't wanna get no bad press
or nothing.
Okay, hold it, hold it.
I think you're gonna like this one.
[camera clicks]
You're gonna wear that thing out
looking at it so much, Philip.
[water splashing]
Weenies are like that.
Thanks for letting us
finish this thing.
[instrumental music]
It's the last one.
How far is the border?
Oh, it's about
three-four miles that a-way.
Think he's still there? Dom?
Yeah. It don't all change.
This place did.
Remember when you were 16, 17,
looking ahead?
How you knew the next couple
of years, they'd be great?
Just knew it.
I don't feel that way no more.
I'm not going with you, Gardner.
I swore.
I know.
[music continues]
Waggener: How about you?
What's after Mexico?
I ain't too worried about that.
You know, you could request
a duty assignment in Germany.
We got a lot of bases there.
Maybe I could help you out.
Well, thank you, bud,
but, uh, I just can't chance that.
Anyway, you know me,
gotta roam, gotta bird-dog,
gotta cross females and fences.
And if you'd all
just come with me, you'd see.
[birds screeching]
[music continues]
Well, then...
let's go dig that rascal up.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[sighs]
[clanging]
That's it.
Gardner: Hello, bud.
[laughs]
[laughs]
Ah...
[Phil chuckles]
Here's to us, by God!
To us and that
and privileges of youth!
Here's to us and what we were.
And what we'll be.
And what we'll be.
[bottle shatters]
Was it worth it?
Yeah. It-- it was.
Waggener: No, it wasn't.
I blew it.
Goddammit, she loved me, and I blew it.
Maybe it never would have
worked, but at least
I should have tried.
I should have tried!
Goddammit, I blew it!
[sobbing]
You ever been in love, Philip?
[Waggener sobbing]
- I don't know.
- Of course you know.
You ever, you ever thought you
loved a woman, you loved her.
That's all love is, mostly.
Thoughts.
Help me here.
This boy's got to get married.
- Phil: Yeah? Yes?
- Well, of course she said yes.
It was me proposing for him, wasn't it?
- Was she mad?
- It's okay.
I blamed it all on you.
- What?
- Philip, it's okay.
- I think she knows better, son.
- Okay.
Alright, now, for once in your life,
for once, for once in your life,
just do what I tell you to do
and we might pull this thing off.
- Yes, sir.
- Okay.
Okay, are we gonna take him to Dallas?
No.
Her family'd kill him.
Besides, it'd be boring.
- Yeah.
- She's gotta come here.
Phil: How?
Give me that dime.
There's only one human being
that can do it on time.
[Step pen wolf singing
"Born To Be Wild"]
[aircraft droning]
Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
I-35 to loop 635,
uh, south to Band-Aid.
Band-Aid?
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
and explode into space
I like smoke and lightnin'
Heavy metal thunder
Oh. Oh, Cleveland.
[laughing]
And the feeling that I'm under
Man on PA: You. Hey, you! Yeah.
Terminate that flight path immediately
and follow me into Love Field.
Now! I'm not telling you twice.
Explode into space
Like a true nature's child
We were born born to be wild
We can climb so high
I never wanna die
[aircraft droning]
[helicopter whirring]
[instrumental music]
What are you doing?
Us? Oh, we're just setting up
for a wedding reception.
- Man 4: Here?
- Yup. A big one, too.
Champagne, roast duck, the works.
In fact, catering trucks
ought to be here any minute.
You feel free to stick around now.
There gonna be plenty for everybody.
Oh! Napkins.
I forgot to order the napkins.
You know, it's always something.
Hell, I got napkins.
Do you?
[rock music]
[aircraft droning]
Get your motor runnin'
[helicopter whirring]
Head out on the highway
[slurping]
[sighs]
[instrumental music]
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Who? Just a moment.
Are you Mr. Barnes?
- Well, yes, I am.
- Telephone.
Thank you, sir.
Hello? Yes. Yes.
Oh, no. No.
Well, well, how am I supposed to--
- Talk about your rotten luck.
- Phil: What happened?
No champagne. Truck flipped over
in Fort Stockton.
Broke every damn bottle.
What'll we drink?
Say, you all drink beer?
Well, yes. On occasion.
[aircraft whirring]
[cars honking]
[tires screeching]
[whirring]
- Hi there.
- Hi.
- You mind if I cut in?
- Sure.
Thanks a lot.
[engine revving]
Lord, I wish we'd ordered beans
instead of caviar.
I'll go right home and fix a batch.
- You don't have to.
- No problem. No problem.
I hope they're bringing a lot of
tables on that catering truck.
There's a slew of tables
at the schoolhouse.
Well, I wonder if we might
borrow a few, just in case.
I reckon. My son is principal.
Say, you looking for me?
Ed. The butcher.
Oh. Ed, this is so embarrassing.
[aircraft engine revving]
[tires screeching]
[horn blares]
No, sir, never do it,
never cater another party
with those people, I tell you.
You folks are so kind.
- Why, thank you.
- You're welcome.
We lost the band!
Mayor.
Yeah, I heard.
That's a shame.
You know, there's some fellas
here in town
that can really cut a mean--
Well, the hell of it is the band
was bringing the decorations, too.
See, they were bringing
our tree lights.
- Everything.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry you had to hook
those extensions up for nothing.
This thing was coming together
so nice too.
Hm. Well, tree lights, huh? Hm.
[traffic bustling]
Waggener. Waggener.
Wake up. [panting]
Get handsome.
[aircraft droning]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Gardner: Truman, you are
a gentleman and a scholar.
No, look, I-- I owed you one,
Mr. Burns.
And here she is.
Don't I know you?
You used to.
[music continues]
[chuckling]
[chuckling]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[vocalization]
[music continues]
[vocalization]
[indistinct chatter]
Thanks.
[vocalization]
Here. Best man's got to dance,
too, you know?
[vocalization]
Hey! How about a fandango?
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[indistinct chatter]
[cheering]
Keep it.
Have fun!
[crowd cheering]
Where's Gardner? Where's Gardner?
He's not here.
[crowd cheering]
[engine revving]
[clanking]
[instrumental music]
[sighs] Well, listen,
I'm gonna try
and catch a ride with somebody.
It's been real.
Call me sometime.
Arthur Andersen in Dallas.
Gardner didn't say goodbye.
Neither will I.
[music continues]
Dorman?
Goodbye, friend.
Have a nice life.
[music continues]
[Blind Faith singing
"Can't Find My Way Home"]
Come down off your throne
and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason
I've been waiting so long
Somebody holds the key
Well I'm near the end
And I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted
and I can't find my way home
[humming]
Come down on your own
and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I've been
waiting all these years
Somebody holds the key
Well I'm near the end
And I just ain't got the time
Oh and I'm wasted
And I can't find my way home
[humming]
But I can't find my way home
[humming]
But I can't find my way home
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh-ooh
But I can't find my way home
[humming]
But I can't find my way home
Still I can't find my way home
And I ain't done nothing wrong
But I can't find my way home