Fat Guy with a Shotgun: Hillbilly Prophecy (2017) Movie Script
1
How are you today, Lou?
Ah, that arm is healing up nicely
but see that you've been
damaging your other arm.
that won't do, Lou, that won't do
I, uh, can't help but
notice you're still here
You haven't left our humble
establishment to uh...
Rule The Earth.
Oh, I will, just you watch...
I will.
Sure you will, Lou.
Sure you will.
Tell me about last night's
dream.
It started with a Fat Guy.
Well Shit.
I think, I think we blew a
goddamn belt
Hey, I gotta take a piss.
Well go get your goddamn
piss.
Well, well, well...
What a day, what a day.
What the fuck is going on?
Well, you see, the official version
is that I broke a belt
And then...
I heroically...
stopped you from escaping.
Why are you doing this?
Well, you see...
Master Ambrose
He gave me a long list of
whereto's and whatfor's
And it is a long list because
he is a wordy motherfucker
But, what it all boils down to
is a fat man had to die.
So, if you could get out in
an orderly fashion
And then say...
run for 20 feet in that direction,
in a straight line of course
I'd consider it a kindness.
What exactly did I do to piss
off what was it? MASTER Ambrose?
Shit son, I don't know.
It ain't like Master Ambrose
and I have cookies and tea, y'see?
If it makes you feel any better...
I take no pleasure
in any of this.
Well, at least you're all shook
up about it.
I'm all broke up, boo.
FUCK, my ball sac!!!!!
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Fucking hell
What the fuck?
Fuck, what the fuck?
You need to stop right
there sugar britches.
(urgent guitar
Point that thing
away from me.
I don't want you to
get nervous
and do something stupid.
Take your finger off the trigger.
Now, real slow
I want you to
pump those
shotgun shells out
of that scattergun
You understand?
Yeah.
Nice and slow.
You're new at this aren't you?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK?
what the fuck?
Go ahead and put the
gun down.
Put it down...
SLOW.
SLOW.
Now, back away.
Easy.
Now, you see what I did to your buddy?
You do something stupid, that's going to
be you too, you understand?
No......no.
You got a key on you?
Yeah.
A handcuff key?
All right, you're going to come over here.
Uncuf one of these cuffs
Okay
You do this right, you can live.
I had nothing to do with this.
I... uh....
I got a wife and kids, man.
So, did I.
Back up.
On the road.
Look
He was a piece of shit.
I... I...
didn't think he would do
anything like this
I...
Look, look, I just had to
take a piss.
I swear, I'll tell everbody the truth
You're going to tell everbody
the truth
Now turnaround
Count to 100.
Walk in that direction.
You turn around
That's it.
You're done.
GO.
One...
two.
three
four
five
six.
Seven...
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
KEEP WALKING!
Thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
Excuse me?
EXCUSE ME?
Sheriff don't take kindly to having his
nap interrupted.
Oh.
I don't give a flying fuck what he
takes kindly to
And are you seriously smoking narcotics
in front of a Federal Officer?
No.
Jesus Christ.
Get up
and get your boss
NOW!
Nobody orders the Sheriff around.
Well, I believe I just did.
So, why don't you get your fucking
in bred ass out of my way
Or, I will break your goddamn chicken
neck with my thighs
And, you will NOT enjoy it.
Well... I don't know about that.
Useless.
HEY!
Wake up you backwater excuse
for law enforcement.
Let's go.
A Woman??
Well goddamn.
I could have sworn by the way
you walked in here, you were all man
What did you fucking say to me?
Well honey,
If I've learned one thing
its if it walks like a bull
and it talks like a bull
No matter how pretty it is
there's gotta be a set of balls swinging
around them pretty little thighs.
What can I do for you?
I am here, looking for an escaped
convict.
Oh hey, ya'll let another one go?
NO, the department of corrections let
another one go and I intend on finding him.
Do you now?
I reckon we all need goals.
It's MY JOB.
Tennessee's got a job too
He cleans the shitters
He has been up my ass for a
promotion, I tell you what.
Do you see this goddamn badge?
I'm a US Deputy Marshall
and I require your assistance.
Well honey,
You might as well wish in one hand
and shit in the other and
tell me which one fills up first.
Are you seriously refusing to
assist the Federal Government?
Oh, you mean the bastards that
coddle and hug these criminals?
No.
I mean those bastards who help
pay for this godforsaken town
with grants and tax subsidies...
SO.
Get your fucking ass up
and get me a goddamn map
I need to know where he might be
hiding or where he might go
So, if anyone has heard of any breakins
or burgleries
And, what fucking fresh hell
is this?
Special Agent Duane Delmont
Federal Bureau of Investigation
This is my partner
Dwayne Dellmont
You boys twins?
No sir. No relation.
Look, you boys need to get in line Because
I am looking for an escaped convict.
Uh, we're working a kidnapping.
I'm afraid our case takes precedence.
The girl has been missing for
43 hours and....
seventeen minutes.
Damn its uh...
gotta be embarrassing.
To get all dressed up
and uh
two other gals show up with the
same shit you got on.
Sweetie.
I'm so glad you're home.
I missed you.
Ahhh, sugar.
I missed you too.
It was a long day at the office.
How was your day?
Busy
I had to clean the play room.
You forgot to walk her before
you left this morning.
Ohhh, hunny.
Sorry, I forgot to walk that
bitch this morning.
It won't happen again.
It wasn't a problem.
Did my brother stop by?
Yes.
And did you do everything he
needed done?
Of course.
Otis needed help twice.
I figured you two could discuss
that later.
Good Girl.
Daddy's tired.
I think I'll go to the playroom
and housebreak that bad girl.
Dinner's going to be ready in
a half an hour.
Perfect
Hello, little girl.
I'm here.
Daddy's home.
I hear you had a little accident.
No, that's not good.
You've been a bad, bad girl.
Fuck... that bitch bit me.
Master Ambrose shore does pay well.
DID YOU SAY AMBROSE?
Who the fuck are you?"
Did you say....Ambrose?"
FUCK!
You can't hit shit, you fat fuck!
Can I interest you in some primo meth?
What are you doing this Tuesday?
I can make Tuesday work.
You serious?
You'll marry me on Tuesday?
Cause I was... I had this
whole thing
YES.
Yes, yes, yes.
Uh....
This is funny.
I had something I wanted to tell
you too.
Well, my news obviously wins
You know, cuz....
This beautiful dame just agreed
to marry me.
Can you believe that?
Well, THIS Dame...
Is also pregnant.
I... uh... uh...
UH....
You can speak.
It's allowed.
You're going to be a Daddy.
Huh....
Tuesday?
No, we have a few months
left for that.
What the hell man...
what did we ever do to you?
Not a goddamn thing.
But you work for Ambrose.
And, I need to send a message.
Fuck you.
You know, that looks pretty bad.
Might want to get someone
to take a look at that.
You know, if you live
long enough.
You should go tell Ambrose
that death is coming.
On second thought.
I'll tell him myself.
And then he destroyed my
final minion.
Well, it looks like you're running
out of minions there, Lou.
Stupid Fucking Game.
Uh... em...
I'll just....
THERE!
I WON!
Now, Lou... all games have rules.
Rules are for losers.
Ask him about Uz.
Tell that to the man from Uz.
That's right.
You're the evil one.
Beezelbub
Abbadon, destroyer of worlds.
Don't get cute, Doc.
Those guys are all amateurs.
I'm Lucifer.
Ahhh...
I forgot.
Tell me about Job, Lou.
I made a deal with God.
I bet that I could turn Job
away from God.
Hmmm, God won that wager
If I recall.
But, at a might steep price
I still got my pound of flesh.
Sure you did Lou.
Sure you did.
Are you questioning my powers?
Tell you what.
Strike me down.
Go ahead. I'll wait.
Huh?
Eh.
Hmmm.
It doesn't work like that.
Of course it doesn't.
So, what happened next?
Hey!
Look, I already gave my statement
and they already yelled at me
and handed me my walking papers.
You were the one driving
the convict?
No, I was riding shotgun.
We were on a long stretch
of road.
And my partner was giving
me water
we missed the last bathroom
for a 60 mile stretch.
I just had to go, take a piss.
I had no idea that he
would try and kill the convict.
WHAT?
Yeah, my partner was
paid by someone
to kill the convict.
That is not what the Sheriff
or the Department
of Corrections told me.
Of course not
they're all on the same payroll
Why are you telling me this?
I promised the fat man
that I would tell the truth.
And I intend on doing just that.
So, he didn't violently escape?
Oh, it was violent already but
it was self defense
pure and simple.
But, he did kill other
convicts at his previous prison?
Yeah, but only after they
jumped him.
He killed them all at once?
Yeah.
The paperwork says,
that he killed five
other convicts
over several months.
No, it was all at the same time.
I was there.
He killed them in the shower
with just a goddamn bar of soap.
There were a lot of
naked body parts
that I had to pick up
I transferred to transpo the
next day.
You can only handle
so many uh
severed
members
before its time to rethink
your career trajectory.
Probably a good idea.
Did he mention where
he was going?
No offense, lady
when a fatman is
holding a shotgun to your head
its really not time to
ask him his evening plans.
ANYTHING?
He didn't say anything.
Just between you and me
Mayor Ambrose pays a lot of
the bills around here
if you catch my drift?
I know for a fact that
my partner did some
off hours odd jobs for him.
The mayor?
You say mayor.
We say God.
But, you didn't hear that from me.
Thanks.
What the fuck am I gonna do?
My Daddy told me to
be a cop, be a cop he said
GOD.....DAMMI Well, this here's the Harlan house.
So...
You know they have
a door, right?
I ain't allowed on
the porch.
That's fair.
What the hell are you
doing here?
Now, Arthur, I'm just
here to deliver the feds.
The Feds?
Special Agent Duane Dellmont
this is my partner Special Agent
Dwayne Delmont
Ya'll related?
No relation, sir.
Well, what can I do for you?
May we come in, sir?
Yeah, ya'll are welcome but
leave the local fucknut
ARTHUR!
Leave the retard on the porch.
ARTHUR!
Leave the special needs student
on the porch.
Bettah!
Again, that seems perfectly fair.
Thank you Deputy.
Yeah.
OWWW!
I ain't a
GODDAMN retard.
Your granddaughter has been
missing for...
45 hours and 12 minutes.
THAT WE KNOW OF.
That's when we first called it in
to the local fucknuts.
Local law enforcement.
How long had she been missing
before that?
She left for classes.
Uh...
She's a theology student.
At the university.
Near the top of her class.
Was she unhappy?
Not at all.
Any enemies?
Of course not, she's
a young woman.
Ma'am
in our experience age doesn't matter.
Anyone who might want to
do her harm?
Angry boyfriends?
No but we did have a
breakin here about 4 days ago.
Why didn't you call it in?
Is that what they told you?
I did call it in.
Sheriff Bojangles and Deputy Fucknuts
told me it probably wasn't anything.
ARTHUR!
Estelle!
I love you.
45 years of matrimonial bliss
with you, but I swear to God
if you correct my accurate
portrayal of that idiot one more time
It ain't mean, if its true.
There is a polite way
and an impolite way
to call someone a fuckin' idiot.
And you don't call that fucktard
a fuckin' idiot in front
of strangers even if he is
a wicked fucktard.
Ma'am
if we could focus.
The fucking idiot said?
She said, fucktard.
Thank you, my mistake.
They came out, told me
kids or animals, or
Look, ain't no animal leaving
a size 12 boot print.
Did you see them?
Uh... no, but the neighbors did.
Wonderful people.
Lutherans.
But, we can forgive that
indiscretion.
Ma'am.
They described a group
of gang members
Gang members?
Yeah, we got us a bunch
of kids who think
their pants shouldn't fit
driving around all tough
and inner city hard while
they're driving past cow pastures.
You know, I used to act tough too
driving past cow pastures
except mine were in Nam!
Oh, you were in Nam?
Do you have any description
beyond that?
Well, yeah.
Neighbor said they all kinda
looked alike
like they could be brothers.
I know where they live
if it helps.
Wait, you know where they live?
Well, it is a small town.
Sheriff told me to... stay away.
And I've been doing that.
But, I swear to God, if they had
anything to do with this
I will SHOW them what I
learned in Viet-NAM.
All right, that's all the questions
we have right now.
Thank you both for your time.
Semper Fi.
Do or Die.
Semper Fi, boys.
You bring her home.
She'll come back, right?
Well, at least we have some
professionals on the job now.
Instead of the wonder twins
of ineptitude.
It's dinner time.
I caught me some road kill.
Think I need to teach him a
thing or two about talking to outsiders
Did he learn?
Well, he ain't talkin'.
I say it's a lesson he won't
soon forget.
Well, we still gonna do
this here ritual tomorrow night?
Well, it is the blood moon.
Why?
You growing attached to
your little toy?
She is fresh.
Heh... she still screams
when you mishandle her.
Well...
It can't be your wife
She's already over 21.
The sacrifice has to be
a woman under 20 years.
You know the scripture
as well as I do.
Wait... we
could snatch you another but,
The Feds are starting
to sniff around.
No, that's fine.
We'll just put this bitch
out of her misery
and then I'll get a new one
when the Feds aren't around.
Or, maybe Lucifer will get me
a new one, kinda as a reward?
You sure you won't stay?
I made pleny.
Even baked some bread.
No, I better get back
to my toy
while I still
have her.
Don't overcook those ribs.
There are some things
you can say to me, brother.
Insulting my ribs is
a touch too far.
Well, you gotta eat 'em.
Whatever makes you happy, brother.
Makes me happy.
Can you believe that?
He had the affrontery
to comment on my ribs... well,
your ribs.
That's just downright rude.
Awww
I think your ribs will be just fine.
May I ask where your crime
scene unit is?
Did you hear that Tennessee?
Federalis want to know where
the crime scene unit is?
Crime scene unit... that's
funny boss.
Why is that funny?
You're in Appalachia County
now boy.
We are the crime scene unit.
We've got a deputy marshall
out there
with the finest ass you ever did see.
She's on the job.
Did you just call my partner, boy?
Aw hell
It's just a term of endearment
around here.
For colored boys.
Term of endearment
that's funny boss.
Bet your kind used to call
slavery, having house guests.
Oh, hell yeah.
With benefits.
I will cheerfully take your
racist ass outside.
What are you gonna do?
Assault an officer?
What do you know?
Well, it was bloody.
Any sign of the girl?
That's right, you boys are looking
for a girl.
I hate to break it to you hoss
All the body parts we found
were male.
Were they all brothers?
What you trying to say?
All us white boys look alike?
Uh...
Its a term of endearment, deputy.
How many people did this?
A witness said it was a
fat guy with a shotgun.
Aw hell no...
I don't reckon we have
witnesses around these parts.
Oh, well that's cute.
The witness says you haven't
got any cops around these parts.
WHO SAID THAT?
Tell me where they are
and we're
we're going to take care of dem.
All right, Tennessee.
Do you gentleman want to
take this conversation where its
a little bit less....
stupid.
Uh... yes... please.
What kind of uppity
yankee bullshit, is that?
Yeah.
Tell you what though, with an ass like
that, its hard to hate that bitch.
Yeah well,
she probably reminds you
of your Mom too.
My Mom?
Boy, whatchyu know about
my Mom?
Nothin'.
Nope, nothin' nope.
So, the shooter matches
my guy's description.
But, the bodies are the ones
who apparently took your girl.
How do you know that?
WELLLLL.....
I managed to swipe these
before that sheriff even decided to
mosey on up to the crime scene.
Wait, you took these off of an
active crime scene?
What? SERIOUSLY?
You going to bitch at me for
contaminating their crime scene?
Uh, no deputy, just impressed.
We should team up.
Pool our resources.
Ignore the inept locals?
Uh, they call them fucking
idiots here.
Actually, its fucktards.
It's a term of endearment.
Is that a yes?
You have a deal.
Okay then.
A King belongs in his castle.
Now Lou, not every powerful
man is a King.
No, but you haven't head of a
King paying child support and
eating dog food either.
Preach it, BROTHER!
You may enter.
Oh look, honey.
It's our local sheriff.
And to what do we owe this
honor this evening, sheriff?
Is it time for another charitable
contribution to the local law enforcement
doesy-do?
You got yourself a problem.
And that problem would be?
You got a fat guy out there
killing all your boys.
GOOOOOD!
That's good?
Walk with me Sheriff.
Did you just sass me?
No darling.
My back was just hurting...
a little.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure?
Baby I would never-
Goddamn right.
Now, you just sit there
and look pretty.
Now...
there's some questions that
you have, I bet.
Yeah, I got a few.
Awwww
you taste good, child.
Ya all right sheriff?
I'm fine.
I don't mind covering
for ya'll's family but
I'd rather not watch this
depravity.
I don't give two shits on
a stick, what you want.
About this fat guy?
Of course.
Now, I didn't want to hurt
the boy
I just needed to get his
dander up a little bit.
You see... the fat guy
He's my long lost brother.
The baby?
Baby boo....
Is he horseman?
Hell yeah!
Only the most glorious one
of us all.
It's gonna be bloody.
WELL....
it IS the apocalypse.
Now, you knew that
when you signed over your soul
for your pound of flesh.
Tell me sheriff...
How is that sweet young thang
I sent over to you?
She's fine.
And, the sex?
Is it everything you ever
dreamed about
in your entire life?
Yeah.
Well then
the price has been bartered for
you are bought and sold.
And if I should tell you to
lick the shit off the bottom of my boot.
You are gonna hop to it...
post haste!
What do you want me to do about
this fat guy?
Tell you what
you let him kill a bit more
He needs to embrace his role
of death.
Tomorrow night!
Under the blood moon...
we cut this tasty treat from her
snatch all the way to her throat.
We let her blood bring forth
our daddy.
And then we rule the world
by his side.
AMEN....brother.
What about me?
Don't worry sheriff.
In a world ruled by the darkest
of souls
there's always going to be a need
for a good
LOYAL
Sheriff.
Now,
you get some of your boys
together here
and uh
you pick a fight with my
little brother and
you let the blood flow.
Yes sir.
Shhhhhhhh
Oh, you can see yourself out,
you know where the door is.
My brother and I
have a toy that needs our
undivided attention
Shhhh
Yeah...
Oh this one is just too good
We should have some fun first.
No....no...
You know the prophecy
calls for a virgin sacrifice
Now...
we can play with the merchandise
but we can't plaaaay with the
merchandise.
Well shit Rayland.
I's got to get my willie wet.
What do you think my wife is for?
I guess I'll take the front door.
Lead on brother.
No, brother, after you.
What a friend we have in Jesus
So, what will you do if
you finally win?
WHEN.
When I finally win.
Of course, of course....WHEN
you win.
I'll give humans total freedom.
Freedom from morals.
Freedom from empathy.
Freedom from God.
God?
You see Hell is...
The rape of the Congo.
The Armenian genocide.
Nanking.
Wu han
Jewish ghettos
Cambodia.
Gaza
Sri Lanka
Sierra
Darfur, Croatia
Bosnia
It all happened on his watch
He gave them free will.
That was his first mistake.
So, you ask me what I'll
do when I win?
The first thing I'll do is
eliminate adults from the equation.
I'll raise children to bow
before me.
I will provide order where he
provided chaos.
I WILL BRING KNOWLEDGE.
You won't let them discover it
on their own?
OH PLEASE... he would let them
walk blindly
through the wilderness
for all of eternity.
I'd give them direction.
But, what will you do when
they question
I'll give them answers.
To everything or...
just to the questions you like?
See...
humans grow and learn
they question.
They try
and they fail
and they try again
that's what makes them unique.
Some try to follow God's instructions
and some fail.
Some will misuse his name or,
misinterpret his intentions
but, that's not really the point.
So, what is the point?
The point is that
He was
just the God of their creation.
THEY
are the Gods of their destiny
and you want to rob them of that.
NO... I want to harnass it.
Some books say that God tried
to harness it once
and you and I both know what came
out of that mistake.
Then he should have ended
the experiment.
Let's talk about your wife Lillith.
HEY!
We agreed you would not
bring her up.
Lou, I am here to help you
work through all of your anger
and that includes the anger
towards your wife.
My EX... my ex-wife.
You want to play?
Okay, but what's the game?
Go fish.
Is your mouth ready to
receive a python?
I've seen your pecker Tenny.
Its a garter snake at best.
Goddamn she
got you good.
Well shit, Harlowe
just cuz you got hit
with an ugly stick
don't mean you get to laugh
at my pecker!
DAMN Tenny, I was just
joshin' at ya.
Bitch
you told me
that if I got you some weed
and a six pack
you'd make my night.
I'm here ain't I?
You get to look at me.
That's more than Harlowe
paid for.
Show me your tits.
Yeah, lets see your tits.
Uh-uh-uh.
FUCK THAT!
No, I paid for tits
You don't get shit.
You can turn your ass around.
What the fuck you talking
about Tenny?
No, you didn't pay for shit.
Fine, you can see my tits.
Turn around.
C'mon BRUH!
NO!
I paid for this, you can
turn your ass around.
Fuck you.
Well shit.
On a scale of one to Robocop,
I'd give that a Smokey and The Bandit.
God Damn...
(footsteps
You know that's what I love about
Appalachia.
Man can't find him a woman
But goddamn he can talk his
sister into a freebie.
Fuck you, Sheriff.
Fuck me, honey?
I ain't the one in the midst of
foreplay with her goddamn brothers.
Well shit, Sheriff.
It ain't incest if you're paying
for it like everybody else.
Allright what the fuck you want here?
Well, I ain't here on my own account
I can assure you that.
Your cousin sent me to round up
a few expendables.
Like the movie?
Yeah Harlowe... just like the movie.
Shit yeah.
Rayland asked for us?
Rayland asked for us.
All three of ya, just by name.
Well shit
He's starting to see our worth.
Wait.
What's he askin' us to do?
He ain't asking nothing you three
ain't capable of.
Just pick up a little trash around
town and take it out.
Got an escaped convict.
A dangerous convict?
Nah....
just a fat guy with a shotgun.
Like I said.
It ain't nothin' you three can't handle.
Fuckin' A.
We're steppin' up.
Fuck yeah.
It'll be a cake walk for you.
Easy Breezy.
Once we prove ourselves.
I'm gonna get gussied up
and work at the mayor's office.
Don't that just beat all.
Hell yeah.
Fuckin' skedaddle shitheads.
Fuckin' morons.
We should get that in better sync.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
We should get food after this
keep your blood sugar regulated.
I acquiesce to the urgency
of this material need.
This is the middle of nowhere.
Ah... pardon us... Miss?
Well I do declare
look at what has just shown
up at my door.
And what can I do to help you
handsome men?
Um, we're looking for your
Mother ma'am.
My MAMA?
Well, ain't you just the cutest thing.
Oh my mama passed away years ago.
Hellfire...
She died before my boys were born.
Oh but you are sweet
for saying so.
Miss...
We're here to see Mrs. Ambrose
may we converse with her?
Well... I'm Mrs. Ambrose.
And
If I may say
YOU
are a credit to your race
young man.
A FIIIINNNNNE Specimen.
Um, our apologies ma'am you-
just don't seem old enough.
Aren't you just a silver tongued devil.
Tell me...
What else can you do with
that tongue?
Ma'am if you are indeed
Mrs. Ambrose
then we'd like to make a few
inquiries.
I can assure you I AM the
mistress of this house.
Now, I'm sure you
city boys must think
we mountainfolk have
all manner of strange habits.
Why, I bet you think
I stay young lookin' by
bathing in the blood of virgins
Excuse me?
Don't worry sugar
I do no such thing.
I stay young lookin' by
breathing this clean mountain air.
And staying close to mother nature.
You know, there are times when I
feel like I just popped out of the ground.
I see.
Now that we have established
who I am
May I ask
who you two gentleman are
and what questions you have?
Certainly.
Special Agent Duane
Delmont FBI
This is my partner.
Special Agent Dwayne Dellmont
Well
your mama and daddy didn't
have much of an imagination.
No relation ma'am.
We're here investigating the
disappearance of this girl.
Her name is Sophie Harlan.
Well...
she certainly looks delicious
But...
I don't know what this
has to do with me.
May we come in?
Mercy me
where are my manners
Of course you may.
Usually I wouldn't even ask.
I'd insist.
Now, I would love nothin better
to help you boys achieve uh...
Uh...
to help you boys
achieve your
uh
Objective.
Of finding this
young girl, but
I just don't see how I can
help you.
That smells really good.
Actually, Mrs. Ambrose
Oh please,
Call me Mama.
Everybody does
Uh..
Mrs. Ambrose,
Can you tell us the whereabouts
of your three sons?
During the disappearance?
There go my manners again!
Would you two boys like
something to eat?
No thank you ma'am.
Uh, I would.
When would that be?
49 hours and
7 minutes.
My...
That does narrow it down a bit.
You would have been good
working in a household.
Why, I can't rightly say where
my boys were but
I'm sure they're not the ones
you're lookin' for.
Why do you say that?
Well my boys are blessed.
And a blessing.
Take those ribs and barbecue
My boy Otis brought them by
for me.
It's his secret recipe.
He says
it all starts with the
right kind of meat.
Gotta be fresh.
That may well be, ma'am
But we still need to speak with him.
Can you tell us where they are now?
Why...
I
I couldn't say.
Well, what about Mister Ambrose?
Oh
The boy's daddy
ain't been around
for awhile....but
I worship
the ground he walks
on
We all do.
In fact,
We're preparing for his return
OH...
It's gonna be a hot time
in this town when he does.
Uh....
that's...
nice
um
Thank you
so much for your time
here's my
card
Tell your sons
that we'd like to spek with them.
We'll see ourselves out.
Oh don't mind none
Just as soon as I see
any of my boys
I'll send them right out
to find you.
Uh, thank you for the food.
Oh, and agents...
I've got four sons.
All right, we'll be in touch.
You wanna tell me what that
shit was about?
Why'd you keep me from eating man?
You know I'm a ribs and barbecue
man from way back right?
Yeah, that's why I was so surprised
you didn't want any back there.
You know, with your blood sugar
and shit.
Duane...
You don't eat at
a suspects house... period.
What are you saying?
It's about the badge.
We represent the badge Duane.
Fair.
And there is some
shit going on
in this county brother.
Beside,
Do you really want to eat
anything these hillbillies prepare?
NO.
Exactly.
So...
If they're guilty do we go ahead
and take her in?
No, no, no... let's...
find Catherine, there's some
weird shit going on down here.
Really weird shit.
Yeah, weirder than that normal
WV weird shit.
Weird shit.
If we kill anybody you're doing
the paperwork.
I want them dead.
Yes, Mama.
And tell them, I want
their cocks and balls
for a nice stew
YES, MAMA!
Tell him, if he fails me
It will be his and his
deputies instead.
And
he'll serve them to me.
I'll deliver the message myself.
Ah...
Oh, all this stress
It is VERY hard on the skin.
Is that?
IS THAT A WRINKLE?!
No way Mama
No wrinkle would dare
touch your skin!
Aw... Buford darling
I need a bath.
I think.
I think three should do it.
Shall I kill them
or save that for you
Mama?
No, I don't want
you to cut their
throats..YOU KNOW
I LIKE A WARM BATH!
I'll do it myself.
Now, do you
require versions
for your
porcelain skin
Or, will any blood do?
No need to be
virgins
Just innocent blood.
I NEVER lie to the law.
It's not my
problem its
so hard to come
by innocent blood.
Lordy.
I swear.
I am
SURROUNDED by idiots.
It's my cross to bear.
You are so right, Mama.
Idiots everywhere.
Where the hell are you John?
Tell me
about your tour.
I'd rather not.
All right, it was bad.
Isn't that enough?
Maybe for your buddies
But you and I are here
to help you get past this
terrible ordeal.
You have it all in your records.
I know.
But uh... tell me in your own words.
In my words.
I was the only goddamn survivor.
What the fuck do you want me
to say about it?
That is a....uh...
interesting choice of words
for the only survivor.
Sometimes life can also
be a death sentence, doc.
So, talk to me.
Okay, initially it wasn't
just me.
Initially there were three of us.
We made it the whole way
with very little food.
We were starving.
We were gettin' real thin
but, not just...
thin
yeah...
We were holocaust skinny.
The three of us
Mikey had it the worst.
Mikey was dyin'.
In front of our eyes.
And for some reason
I wasn't losing the weight
like everyone else was
I still had my strength
I could hack the pain.
So...
We were gettin'
whatever little rations we had
I was givin'a lot of em out.
Mikey mostly.
The amount of food I was
givin' I guess his
stomach burst.
You know, you hack it
through the march.
Survive those fuckin'
hellships.
You get all the way to the camp.
And just because
some buddy gives you
some extra bread.
That's how you go?
So, you're blaming
yourself for
an act of kindness?
Wouldn't you?
World War Two?
What?
Tell me about your childhood.
Gettin' really tired of talkin, Doc.
All right... its all in the file.
No, its not John.
All it tells me is you
grew up in a group home
and the work houses.
Doesn't tell me anything else.
All right, I really don't remember much.
I know I was born in West Virginia.
I know my Mother gave me
up for adoption
I worked in some shoe factory
shortly after I turned six
and I stayed there
really, until I was old enough
to enlist.
And shortly after that
I was in 4th Marines
headed to the Pacific.
Workhouses?
How the fuck old is this guy?
Pretty sure I have some
siblings somewhere.
Well, have you ever tried
to find them?
Nah... not really.
Well, I've always believed um...
the family that you choose
is far more important than
the family that you are given.
I agree with that.
You are a good man, John.
So?
We all done then?
Almost John, almost.
Have you ever...
looked into your past?
Not really.
A little bit.
I know the family name
on my birth certificate
says Ambrose.
I met a woman.
And uh...
I'm going to ask her to marry me.
But uh, I want to make sure the uh
the nightmares stop first.
Well
I can't guarantee the nightmares
will be gone forever, John.
But, I do know you are a good man.
That's it?
No investigation?
Who is it?
Duane
and Dwayne.
Come on in.
Uh...
US Marshalls don't offer
a per diem?
We're here to give you your award
for WV's shittiest hotel room?
Competition was stiff this year
so....congratulations.
ha-ha.
We just had the strangest....uh
You might wanna...
What?
Clothes.
Oh right...
Sorry kids.
Guess you haven't seen
these before.
I have a problem.
I think my guy is....
Um...
I think my guy is innocent.
You sure?
NO! I'm not sure.
But my gut is telling me
Is it done?
What the fuck is that?
He hasn't spoken a word.
He was covered in
his wife's blood.
But his wife was
killed with a revolver.
All we recovered
was a shotgun.
So, the official story is
he threw the murder weapon
away, officer.
Damn son, do I have to do
everything?
No, ma'am.
So, ummmmm
Who the fuck is that?
Uh...
Yeah?
Shhhh
You tryin' to ask me
something, son?
You promised me
a reward.
Oh... right.
You wanted to live forever
is that right?
Yes, Mama!
And what was your
name again?
Buford.
We're going to get along
just fine Buford darlin.
I know that voice.
Yeah?
Yeah. That's Mrs. Ambrose.
Wait, Rayland's mother?
How fucking old is she?
The thing is, she looks younger
than you.
Oh, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I've been working all day.
It's not as though I look
like I'm in my 70's
Yeah, that's the thing.
Neither did she.
What's going on in this county?
Whatever it is... it is not normal.
Where in the hell do you
think he's at?
I don't know.
Here comes somebody.
You're going to want to
get out of my way.
If you're not an Ambrose
we got no beef.
We're the new generation
of Ambrose.
Is that so?
Yeah.
You heard what she said.
Shut up, can't you see I'm talking?
We're the new motherfuckers
in town.
The new motherfuckers?
YEAH!
So, that means....
that this is your unlucky day
FAT MAN.
I guess so.
What the fuck?
Do you have any queens?
Hmmm, Go fish.
Uh, about your dream.
Tell me, why would you have
your youngest go live in foster care?
Are you kidding me?
He's DEATH.
I needed him to have a healthy
disdain for humanity.
What better way to do that than
to send him out into the world
surrounded bythe meat
puppets he plans to harvest?
Have you met people?
I have.
And I find
that most of them are
hard working and decent.
And working together
for a common goal to
make the world a better
place for the coming generation.
All right Goddamnit
Ya'll follow my lead.
We'll get the jump on these
sons of bitches.
So, what did the judge say?
He's playing golf
Oh.
Looks like we're going
with my plan, aren't we?
We still need a warrant Duane.
You know, I always wanted to be
the Mexicans in Butch and Sundance.
Well...
you know boss if
we're going to be technical
Um
Really its Butch
and Sundance
AND Sundance.
Right?
You know?
I reckon you got a point.
Thank you.
Huckleberry
Bring over Wyatt.
Well, I'm your Huckleberry.
You gotta stop saying that shit.
All right.
On my sign.
Shit.
Looks like a damn Klan rally out there.
They have a machine gun.
SHIT!
Goddamnit...
I'm sorry Boss.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Fuck it... SHOOT!
Fuck.
I want a machine gun.
Okay.
We're going to get them while
they are still reloading.
Um, short Duane
I need you to go get the car.
Tall Dwayne go to the right.
And I'm going to go down the center.
Okay?
So. I'm going for the right?
OH. MY. GOD.
YOU, DUANE
You go get the car!
You DWAYNE
You go to the right.
I'm going to go down the center.
Are we good?
OKAY
Shit...
So, what happened next?
Huh?
The motel shootout.
Oh.
Uh.
So, the fat fuck rode in on his
fat pale horse
came to save the day.
Do you have any threes?
Go fish.
Fuck, its my tree.
I'm going right, cover me.
Okay!
Okay, GO!
Fuckin' A!
I have him.
Great, get the kid to safety.
DUANE!
What?
No, short Duane!
Nyuh-uh...
WHITE DWAYNE!
JESUS CHRIST DWAYNE
What the fuck are we gonna do
now, Boss?
You hold down this spot now
Tennessee.
And, I'm gonna go and get
us some help.
I... I... I...
I can't
Now listen,
Goddamnit, you've been saying
you want more responsibility.
Now, this is more responsibilty.
No, boss, I kinda like doin' nothin'.
I wish I was doin' nothin
right now.
You got this.
I got... uh...
Dammit Boss
We can't do this.
Goddamnit Boys, there ain't no
way that fat son of a bitch
can hit us from there.
Fuck this.
Fuck this.
I'm out! I'M OUT!
FREEZE JOHN!
I SAID FREEZE!
Look, I know you didn't kill
your wife and child.
Okay?
I know the Ambrose Family had
something to do with it.
You're going to kill all of them
aren't you?
Look, I have a job to do.
And that means bringing you in
no matter what.
Which is why its going
to be so hard
to tell them how you got away.
Look, I'm going to the Ambrose house
now and I'm going to help
these agents find that missing girl.
This may be our one chance
to make sure that bastard
doesn't hurt anyone else.
I'll be there.
I was hoping you would say that.
Look, I gotta help them, okay.
We good?
Yeah. We're good.
All right, lets go get that
missing girl of yours.
What about your fugitive?
What fugitive?
Who were these assholes?
I don't know.
But, I'm guessing they all share
the same family shrubbery.
And also judging by the fact
that we have a local deputy
lying over there
with a tomahawk
in his head
I'm guessing that we'redealing
with local law enforcement.
You know, I wanted to go to Seattle.
But, my partner here insisted on
the National Capitol.
Which covers this lovely bit of
West Virginia.
Too much rain.
I'm not writing up tomahawk guy.
Not me...
Okay.
Please...
God
Get me outta here.
Please send somebody to save me.
I swear I will never doubt you again.
And I will never take my
grandparents forgranted.
I've made so many mistakes.
Surprise Girl.
You pray to a God who
doesn't like to meddle.
Do you know what
inaction gets you?
Do you?
No.
Awww
ME.
Awww
You wanna know a secret?
My brother Rayland likes you.
He wanted you all for his own.
But I told him that
just wouldn't do.
Your blood
will usher in a new era.
And bring our Daddy back.
Oh... the tears of a virgin
Mama sure does want those.
Wasted opportunity in every drop.
Why are you doing this?
Because...
there are two sides to every war
You're lyin' here
vulnerable
praying to a God
who just won't answer, and
I spent my entire childhood
waitin' for a Daddy who couldn't
You see
a very long time ago
my Daddy
was banished
by your Daddy.
And I want my Daddy back.
My Daddy died in the Gulf War
He didn't banish anybody!
I don't give a damn about
your mortal father!
Shhhh
I'm talking bigger than that
sweetheart
Satan is your Father?
Lucifer
Augustine
Ambrose
It's an older name than most realize.
You're insane!
You see
My Daddy
had four sons
and he gave each
of us a horse
My Horse
was black
Four horsemen?
FAMINE!
At your service
and you
are the blood
of innocence
Your blood
will create a blight
that will
KILL
the very
ground the humans
souls walk it will
DEFILE IT.
Or at least it would have
W-w-what do you mean would have?
Ohhhhh
I'm afraid my brother has been
a bit remiss.
He's not going to be in charge
much longer.
And if we
can't bring Daddy back
The lease I could do
is share my gifts with the world.
Little lamb
Now c'mon
you know this song
Bringing in the sheaves
Bringing in the sheaves
We shall come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves
Now
What's a little hunger
among friends?
Now there
a cord of wheat
for a penny
C'mon ow
Take it down.
Down the hatch.
Bringing in the sheaves
There you go
chew and swallow now
its good for you
and then we have
three quarts of barley
for a nickel
C'mon now.
Down the hatch it goes
Bringing in the sheaves
Don't you dare
damage the oil and the wine now.
Oh yes
Red like the Red Sea
You're parting it like Moses Darlin'
YES
Praise the Lord.
Praise his name.
WHY?
Because
if you can't shed
one virgin's blood
You might as well
bathe the world in blood
And YOU
have the distinct
Honor and
privilege of
being my bride
You will never
be able
to cure your hunger now
It will grow
Just like a tumor
until nothing satisfies
Oh yes
You're my bitch
and I'm never satisfied either
We shall come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves
There that wasn't so bad now was it?
That wasn't so bad.
How much for your whore
for the day?
That's my wife you're
talking about.
I ask you a math question
and you answer me by
correcting my english?
Not today.
Daddy has plans.
Fine.
I got things to do anyway.
Sermons don't write themselves.
Tonight, brother.
Everything will be finished
Tonight.
Right.
Tonight
Father's gonna return
and I'm gonna take
my place
by his side
and then
you can love
as much as you want
why might you be at his side?
I am the oldest, brother
Tonight?
Yes
Wouldn't miss it.
FREEZE!
And to what
do I owe this honor?
We have reason
to believe that you're involved
in the kidnapping of a young woman.
Oh wait...
I have the judge in my pocket.
That means, I assume
you do not have a search warrant.
Well, we heard someone scream.
Exigent circumstances and all...
I doubt that very much.
And since,
I am such a
criminal mastermind
Why would I hide
a kidnapped girl in
my very own home?
In front of the local clergy at that.
Amen, brother.
Clergy?
HEY! HANDS!
I have the largest
flock in the
tri-county
We're
non-denominational
We know you had something to
do with this Ambrose.
Knowing and proving
are two very different things.
And since I am the duly elected mayor.
Of this here town.
It would take some balls
especially for the feds
Oh...
and uh...
a deputy marshall
who is supposed to be looking
for an escaped convict.
Tell me
how is that search coming along
little Missy?
Fuck off.
Ohhhhh.....
I'd love to but
You're a little bit too old for me.
But,
You can give me
the number of your local
field office
so that I can have a little
chat
with your supervisor
and ask him
what he thinks
about this intrusion
in my home.
Mr. Ambrose...
We're searching this house.
By all means
Be my guest.
'course
it might cost you your jobs... eh
Wait...
You breached my front door.
So...
of course, it WILL cost you
your jobs
just don't
upset my pretty little wife.
Well
I've got to be going.
Slow your roll, Pastor.
Father.
The title... is Father.
Oh, I don't care if it's
Holy Fucker
of the asshole
pious dickheads
STAND
STILL
Oh, you're thinking of my
brother here
Give me a reason.
Yes, ma'am.
Well...
uh, please...
Feel free
to search the premises
Uh, my wife will be happy to show
you around.
While I finish
my breakfast.
Uh, I would do so myself
But
I have a very
busy day ahead
and its just been
complicated
by having to call
a bunch of supervisors
Which is
my favorite hobby
Calling supervisors and
having officers fired.
You are going to shoot
a mayor
for eating his breakfast?
All lives matter
You good?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Ma'am
I need you to take these
agents around the house.
Now tell me...
Why
would I kidnap some
sweet young thang
when
when I have
such a
delicious
piece of ass
like that, who's gonna
give me every bit of
pleasure and earthly delight
that I could ever want
Praise Jesus.
Mmmm
You talk about your wife like that?
That's how
my brother
talks about everything
SIT DOWN!
Father.
Now then.
Officer.
Deputy Marshall
Now then...
Unemployed.
what could you
possibly hope to
accomplish by
invading my
precious home, this way.
I'm coming for you, brother.
We know you have the girl.
Do you now?
We have our reasons.
Such as?
What?
No Girl.
How is that possible?
Jesus, Mary and Joseph
I don't believe I've ever seen
three careers get
flushed down the toilet
quicker than that.
Oh it has been a real pleasure
hm-mmm
A real pleasure indeed, now.
Oh that's so cute.
You know
You can always
make it as a dancer
What a friend we have in Jesus
Oh well now, Spunky
I guess I can get back to my breakfast.
MOTHERFUCKER!
HOLY SHI HEY!
DEATH IS COMING
Stop!
DEATH IS COMING!!!
DEATH IS COMING!
Motherfucker!
She's behind the wall!
Bitch I loved you!
Partner you good?
Ma'am, you okay?
I'm good.
Get his dander up
and he'll take his rightful place
in this family
you are one fuckin' idiot
Well Mama said
Mama said that you were
her favorite that don't
make it so
Well, you're the one who picked
that girl
She'll be easy pickings you said
Her grandparents are weak
you said!
Well, I wasn't counting
on ebony and ivory
coming to the rescue
and lettin' fat boy escape
is how we ended up
with a dyke with a vendetta
Or did you forget about her?
FUCK YOU!
Fuck me?
You know that story about
the bear in the woods?
What story?
Only gotta be faster than you.
OH!!!!
DAMNIT!
So, you must be my big brother.
I've waited a long time for this.
you know
when I was in
there was this bible vers
that I read
The the lord spoke
and he asked
whom shall I send?
Who will go for us?
What the fuck do you say
when God asks you that?
You have no power here
You are the BABY.
Do you wanna know what I said,
Rayland?
I said, HERE AM I
SEND ME!
You
really didn't
think
that it
would be that
easy now
did you fat man!
Actually...
I kinda did you
FUCK!
I'm gonna tell you a story about
a broken man, how it began
and how it ends
but he didn't understand
is all the love he had in his hands
Woke up one morning and said
I can't get hurt if I'm not here
music fades
Please help me
Confused and blind
Confused he lost his mind
I promise you, help is coming.
- My family reunion's not over.
- Wait... please...
HELP! Help me please
Get me outta here!
Please, somebody help!
HELP!
Opa! I'm home!
I'm ready for you
you supernatural
fucktards!
Breakdown to the sound, to the sound
WHY WOULD YOU?
To the sound of calamity
I didn't do this.
But, I know who did.
I followed him to your house.
I think he was waiting for you.
I'm sorry I couldn't save her.
(walking
Jesus, that is one tough Oma.
BABY!
Oh Baby, I shouldn't have
left you!
I thought I was leadin'
em away from you.
I shoulda never left
my Boston Belle.
Then, you'd be dead too.
Who the fuck are you?
GRANDPA!
Who the hell are you?
And what are you doin'
in my house?
He saved me Grandpa.
They all did.
What the fuck do we
do with you?
Nothing.
I just want to live in peace.
You're not finished yet.
We stopped the apocalypse
The rest is up to you.
We should be more
concerned about her.
She's been shoving her face
with bloodsoaked cookies
or, has nobody noticed.
Ugh...
Holy shit.
I'm hungry.
ALL THE TIME.
It can be reversed.
But, she's gonna have
to come with me
The hell you are
Grandpa!
Look, I am not letting her
out of my sight, ever again!
There's only room for one.
Well then, she ain't goin'.
Grandpa
this goes deeper than that.
We'll get you a good, Doc.
We'll get you fixed up.
My Memory is a bit hazy.
Once the hunger takes over
she'll turn into a robot
Just like that brunette
at my brother's house.
Anything she eats
is going to turn to dust
Shit.
And she'll die from hunger.
Grandpa
All those legends you
told me as a kid
about this town
They're true.
I fuckin' knew it.
Too much
fucknuggetry going on
around here to be normal.
You have to let me go.
You touch a hair on her head
and I am going to gut
and skin you
like a deer
We on the same page?
Cuz, I'm and old motherfucker
and the thing you need to
remember about
old motherfuckers
is we know how to fuckin'
fight because we've been
doin' it longer than anybody
I hear you.
GOOD.
I love you Opa!
Oh Baby, I love you too.
You were the light of our twilight.
Don't you ever forget that, okay.
How do we...
Explain all this?
Yeah.
It's not my problem.
I should just take you
in right now.
You could try.
But, I wouldn't recommend it.
He's one of them.
What?
He rides a pale horse.
Sweetie, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Otis called himself famine.
They are...
The four horsemen of
the apocalypse?
Oooookay.
So, that makes John?
Death.
Sweetie, I am not letting you
go with this man.
It's her choice.
Only I can stop the hunger.
You can't keep me safe.
Or save me now.
But he can.
All due respect
My granddaughter trusts this man.
And that means I trust this man.
Now
you seem like a nice lady
sort of
But I have every intention
of making sure that
these two leave together
and I ain't opposed to
hittin' a woman if she's armed.
Okay, okay.
Fine.
Lordy.
I have never been more
disappointed
in one of my children
in my life.
Yes, she is very upset.
You have severely let
your Mama down.
Sorry Mama
I tried to save him.
Buford dear
please take care of my light work.
This is from your Mama
with love.
Don't lie to me, BOY.
I brought you into this world
I can take your slippery
ass out.
You can cast aspersions
on the mortals all you want
But don't you EVER
villify your mother with
a fabrication
Do you understand me?
Yes.....Mama
I should give you to Buford
As a toy
make you sit and take it.
I'd like that, Mama.
Calm your tits!
There are some lines
even a Mother can't cross.
But, I am this close, Otis.
Do you understand me?
Yes....Mama
But, Mama what do you expect
me to do
there are only so many
trigger fingers out there
We don't need more.
We just need, one.
Have you met your son, Mama?
Yes.
I have.
Are you talking about yourself
because you are one
flaccid motherfucker
compared to the fat guy.
HEY!
Pretty, pretty princess
I can still cut a bitch.
FOCUS!!!
Boys
I think its time to call that
bigger gun
Who is this mythical beast?
Otis.
Call your brother.
Uh
Did I stutter?
But my
bride is still
out there uh
I just missed her at
grandparents home
uh
I expect she'll be home
anytime now.
Boy, you best get on that phone
and call your younger brother!
Yes, Mama.
Do you have any Jacks?
Go fish.
Looks like I win.
Double or nothing.
Oh, I don't think that's
a good idea Lou
I mean, you need your rest.
And uh...
your whole quest
for world domination
failed in your dream
I have another son
Well you already lost one
in this fantasy
the other ones don't seem to
love you a whole lot.
If you win
I'll take my pills
Well....
What do you get if you win?
Then I get out of this hell hole!
I don't know if I can promise that.
C'mon, don't you wanna know
how the story ends?
Well... okay.
But, what's the game? I've about
had it with Go Fish.
How about war?
Fuck off. I'm busy.
Is it John?
I'm on my way.
Ahh...
I hopeyou fellas don't mind
fightin' women
It's your unlucky day.
End credit music
FUCK!
End credit music
Got any fives?
End credit music
Can I interest you in some
primo meth?
Can I interest you in some
primo...
This is why we're partners.
That is for the prequel
Now, I'll never
be a model.
Oooh, just let me take him out.
Just let me take him out!
You don't get to kill me!
Oh my God!
What the fuck you doin'?
Well... I... uh...
How are you today, Lou?
Ah, that arm is healing up nicely
but see that you've been
damaging your other arm.
that won't do, Lou, that won't do
I, uh, can't help but
notice you're still here
You haven't left our humble
establishment to uh...
Rule The Earth.
Oh, I will, just you watch...
I will.
Sure you will, Lou.
Sure you will.
Tell me about last night's
dream.
It started with a Fat Guy.
Well Shit.
I think, I think we blew a
goddamn belt
Hey, I gotta take a piss.
Well go get your goddamn
piss.
Well, well, well...
What a day, what a day.
What the fuck is going on?
Well, you see, the official version
is that I broke a belt
And then...
I heroically...
stopped you from escaping.
Why are you doing this?
Well, you see...
Master Ambrose
He gave me a long list of
whereto's and whatfor's
And it is a long list because
he is a wordy motherfucker
But, what it all boils down to
is a fat man had to die.
So, if you could get out in
an orderly fashion
And then say...
run for 20 feet in that direction,
in a straight line of course
I'd consider it a kindness.
What exactly did I do to piss
off what was it? MASTER Ambrose?
Shit son, I don't know.
It ain't like Master Ambrose
and I have cookies and tea, y'see?
If it makes you feel any better...
I take no pleasure
in any of this.
Well, at least you're all shook
up about it.
I'm all broke up, boo.
FUCK, my ball sac!!!!!
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Fucking hell
What the fuck?
Fuck, what the fuck?
You need to stop right
there sugar britches.
(urgent guitar
Point that thing
away from me.
I don't want you to
get nervous
and do something stupid.
Take your finger off the trigger.
Now, real slow
I want you to
pump those
shotgun shells out
of that scattergun
You understand?
Yeah.
Nice and slow.
You're new at this aren't you?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK?
what the fuck?
Go ahead and put the
gun down.
Put it down...
SLOW.
SLOW.
Now, back away.
Easy.
Now, you see what I did to your buddy?
You do something stupid, that's going to
be you too, you understand?
No......no.
You got a key on you?
Yeah.
A handcuff key?
All right, you're going to come over here.
Uncuf one of these cuffs
Okay
You do this right, you can live.
I had nothing to do with this.
I... uh....
I got a wife and kids, man.
So, did I.
Back up.
On the road.
Look
He was a piece of shit.
I... I...
didn't think he would do
anything like this
I...
Look, look, I just had to
take a piss.
I swear, I'll tell everbody the truth
You're going to tell everbody
the truth
Now turnaround
Count to 100.
Walk in that direction.
You turn around
That's it.
You're done.
GO.
One...
two.
three
four
five
six.
Seven...
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
KEEP WALKING!
Thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
Excuse me?
EXCUSE ME?
Sheriff don't take kindly to having his
nap interrupted.
Oh.
I don't give a flying fuck what he
takes kindly to
And are you seriously smoking narcotics
in front of a Federal Officer?
No.
Jesus Christ.
Get up
and get your boss
NOW!
Nobody orders the Sheriff around.
Well, I believe I just did.
So, why don't you get your fucking
in bred ass out of my way
Or, I will break your goddamn chicken
neck with my thighs
And, you will NOT enjoy it.
Well... I don't know about that.
Useless.
HEY!
Wake up you backwater excuse
for law enforcement.
Let's go.
A Woman??
Well goddamn.
I could have sworn by the way
you walked in here, you were all man
What did you fucking say to me?
Well honey,
If I've learned one thing
its if it walks like a bull
and it talks like a bull
No matter how pretty it is
there's gotta be a set of balls swinging
around them pretty little thighs.
What can I do for you?
I am here, looking for an escaped
convict.
Oh hey, ya'll let another one go?
NO, the department of corrections let
another one go and I intend on finding him.
Do you now?
I reckon we all need goals.
It's MY JOB.
Tennessee's got a job too
He cleans the shitters
He has been up my ass for a
promotion, I tell you what.
Do you see this goddamn badge?
I'm a US Deputy Marshall
and I require your assistance.
Well honey,
You might as well wish in one hand
and shit in the other and
tell me which one fills up first.
Are you seriously refusing to
assist the Federal Government?
Oh, you mean the bastards that
coddle and hug these criminals?
No.
I mean those bastards who help
pay for this godforsaken town
with grants and tax subsidies...
SO.
Get your fucking ass up
and get me a goddamn map
I need to know where he might be
hiding or where he might go
So, if anyone has heard of any breakins
or burgleries
And, what fucking fresh hell
is this?
Special Agent Duane Delmont
Federal Bureau of Investigation
This is my partner
Dwayne Dellmont
You boys twins?
No sir. No relation.
Look, you boys need to get in line Because
I am looking for an escaped convict.
Uh, we're working a kidnapping.
I'm afraid our case takes precedence.
The girl has been missing for
43 hours and....
seventeen minutes.
Damn its uh...
gotta be embarrassing.
To get all dressed up
and uh
two other gals show up with the
same shit you got on.
Sweetie.
I'm so glad you're home.
I missed you.
Ahhh, sugar.
I missed you too.
It was a long day at the office.
How was your day?
Busy
I had to clean the play room.
You forgot to walk her before
you left this morning.
Ohhh, hunny.
Sorry, I forgot to walk that
bitch this morning.
It won't happen again.
It wasn't a problem.
Did my brother stop by?
Yes.
And did you do everything he
needed done?
Of course.
Otis needed help twice.
I figured you two could discuss
that later.
Good Girl.
Daddy's tired.
I think I'll go to the playroom
and housebreak that bad girl.
Dinner's going to be ready in
a half an hour.
Perfect
Hello, little girl.
I'm here.
Daddy's home.
I hear you had a little accident.
No, that's not good.
You've been a bad, bad girl.
Fuck... that bitch bit me.
Master Ambrose shore does pay well.
DID YOU SAY AMBROSE?
Who the fuck are you?"
Did you say....Ambrose?"
FUCK!
You can't hit shit, you fat fuck!
Can I interest you in some primo meth?
What are you doing this Tuesday?
I can make Tuesday work.
You serious?
You'll marry me on Tuesday?
Cause I was... I had this
whole thing
YES.
Yes, yes, yes.
Uh....
This is funny.
I had something I wanted to tell
you too.
Well, my news obviously wins
You know, cuz....
This beautiful dame just agreed
to marry me.
Can you believe that?
Well, THIS Dame...
Is also pregnant.
I... uh... uh...
UH....
You can speak.
It's allowed.
You're going to be a Daddy.
Huh....
Tuesday?
No, we have a few months
left for that.
What the hell man...
what did we ever do to you?
Not a goddamn thing.
But you work for Ambrose.
And, I need to send a message.
Fuck you.
You know, that looks pretty bad.
Might want to get someone
to take a look at that.
You know, if you live
long enough.
You should go tell Ambrose
that death is coming.
On second thought.
I'll tell him myself.
And then he destroyed my
final minion.
Well, it looks like you're running
out of minions there, Lou.
Stupid Fucking Game.
Uh... em...
I'll just....
THERE!
I WON!
Now, Lou... all games have rules.
Rules are for losers.
Ask him about Uz.
Tell that to the man from Uz.
That's right.
You're the evil one.
Beezelbub
Abbadon, destroyer of worlds.
Don't get cute, Doc.
Those guys are all amateurs.
I'm Lucifer.
Ahhh...
I forgot.
Tell me about Job, Lou.
I made a deal with God.
I bet that I could turn Job
away from God.
Hmmm, God won that wager
If I recall.
But, at a might steep price
I still got my pound of flesh.
Sure you did Lou.
Sure you did.
Are you questioning my powers?
Tell you what.
Strike me down.
Go ahead. I'll wait.
Huh?
Eh.
Hmmm.
It doesn't work like that.
Of course it doesn't.
So, what happened next?
Hey!
Look, I already gave my statement
and they already yelled at me
and handed me my walking papers.
You were the one driving
the convict?
No, I was riding shotgun.
We were on a long stretch
of road.
And my partner was giving
me water
we missed the last bathroom
for a 60 mile stretch.
I just had to go, take a piss.
I had no idea that he
would try and kill the convict.
WHAT?
Yeah, my partner was
paid by someone
to kill the convict.
That is not what the Sheriff
or the Department
of Corrections told me.
Of course not
they're all on the same payroll
Why are you telling me this?
I promised the fat man
that I would tell the truth.
And I intend on doing just that.
So, he didn't violently escape?
Oh, it was violent already but
it was self defense
pure and simple.
But, he did kill other
convicts at his previous prison?
Yeah, but only after they
jumped him.
He killed them all at once?
Yeah.
The paperwork says,
that he killed five
other convicts
over several months.
No, it was all at the same time.
I was there.
He killed them in the shower
with just a goddamn bar of soap.
There were a lot of
naked body parts
that I had to pick up
I transferred to transpo the
next day.
You can only handle
so many uh
severed
members
before its time to rethink
your career trajectory.
Probably a good idea.
Did he mention where
he was going?
No offense, lady
when a fatman is
holding a shotgun to your head
its really not time to
ask him his evening plans.
ANYTHING?
He didn't say anything.
Just between you and me
Mayor Ambrose pays a lot of
the bills around here
if you catch my drift?
I know for a fact that
my partner did some
off hours odd jobs for him.
The mayor?
You say mayor.
We say God.
But, you didn't hear that from me.
Thanks.
What the fuck am I gonna do?
My Daddy told me to
be a cop, be a cop he said
GOD.....DAMMI Well, this here's the Harlan house.
So...
You know they have
a door, right?
I ain't allowed on
the porch.
That's fair.
What the hell are you
doing here?
Now, Arthur, I'm just
here to deliver the feds.
The Feds?
Special Agent Duane Dellmont
this is my partner Special Agent
Dwayne Delmont
Ya'll related?
No relation, sir.
Well, what can I do for you?
May we come in, sir?
Yeah, ya'll are welcome but
leave the local fucknut
ARTHUR!
Leave the retard on the porch.
ARTHUR!
Leave the special needs student
on the porch.
Bettah!
Again, that seems perfectly fair.
Thank you Deputy.
Yeah.
OWWW!
I ain't a
GODDAMN retard.
Your granddaughter has been
missing for...
45 hours and 12 minutes.
THAT WE KNOW OF.
That's when we first called it in
to the local fucknuts.
Local law enforcement.
How long had she been missing
before that?
She left for classes.
Uh...
She's a theology student.
At the university.
Near the top of her class.
Was she unhappy?
Not at all.
Any enemies?
Of course not, she's
a young woman.
Ma'am
in our experience age doesn't matter.
Anyone who might want to
do her harm?
Angry boyfriends?
No but we did have a
breakin here about 4 days ago.
Why didn't you call it in?
Is that what they told you?
I did call it in.
Sheriff Bojangles and Deputy Fucknuts
told me it probably wasn't anything.
ARTHUR!
Estelle!
I love you.
45 years of matrimonial bliss
with you, but I swear to God
if you correct my accurate
portrayal of that idiot one more time
It ain't mean, if its true.
There is a polite way
and an impolite way
to call someone a fuckin' idiot.
And you don't call that fucktard
a fuckin' idiot in front
of strangers even if he is
a wicked fucktard.
Ma'am
if we could focus.
The fucking idiot said?
She said, fucktard.
Thank you, my mistake.
They came out, told me
kids or animals, or
Look, ain't no animal leaving
a size 12 boot print.
Did you see them?
Uh... no, but the neighbors did.
Wonderful people.
Lutherans.
But, we can forgive that
indiscretion.
Ma'am.
They described a group
of gang members
Gang members?
Yeah, we got us a bunch
of kids who think
their pants shouldn't fit
driving around all tough
and inner city hard while
they're driving past cow pastures.
You know, I used to act tough too
driving past cow pastures
except mine were in Nam!
Oh, you were in Nam?
Do you have any description
beyond that?
Well, yeah.
Neighbor said they all kinda
looked alike
like they could be brothers.
I know where they live
if it helps.
Wait, you know where they live?
Well, it is a small town.
Sheriff told me to... stay away.
And I've been doing that.
But, I swear to God, if they had
anything to do with this
I will SHOW them what I
learned in Viet-NAM.
All right, that's all the questions
we have right now.
Thank you both for your time.
Semper Fi.
Do or Die.
Semper Fi, boys.
You bring her home.
She'll come back, right?
Well, at least we have some
professionals on the job now.
Instead of the wonder twins
of ineptitude.
It's dinner time.
I caught me some road kill.
Think I need to teach him a
thing or two about talking to outsiders
Did he learn?
Well, he ain't talkin'.
I say it's a lesson he won't
soon forget.
Well, we still gonna do
this here ritual tomorrow night?
Well, it is the blood moon.
Why?
You growing attached to
your little toy?
She is fresh.
Heh... she still screams
when you mishandle her.
Well...
It can't be your wife
She's already over 21.
The sacrifice has to be
a woman under 20 years.
You know the scripture
as well as I do.
Wait... we
could snatch you another but,
The Feds are starting
to sniff around.
No, that's fine.
We'll just put this bitch
out of her misery
and then I'll get a new one
when the Feds aren't around.
Or, maybe Lucifer will get me
a new one, kinda as a reward?
You sure you won't stay?
I made pleny.
Even baked some bread.
No, I better get back
to my toy
while I still
have her.
Don't overcook those ribs.
There are some things
you can say to me, brother.
Insulting my ribs is
a touch too far.
Well, you gotta eat 'em.
Whatever makes you happy, brother.
Makes me happy.
Can you believe that?
He had the affrontery
to comment on my ribs... well,
your ribs.
That's just downright rude.
Awww
I think your ribs will be just fine.
May I ask where your crime
scene unit is?
Did you hear that Tennessee?
Federalis want to know where
the crime scene unit is?
Crime scene unit... that's
funny boss.
Why is that funny?
You're in Appalachia County
now boy.
We are the crime scene unit.
We've got a deputy marshall
out there
with the finest ass you ever did see.
She's on the job.
Did you just call my partner, boy?
Aw hell
It's just a term of endearment
around here.
For colored boys.
Term of endearment
that's funny boss.
Bet your kind used to call
slavery, having house guests.
Oh, hell yeah.
With benefits.
I will cheerfully take your
racist ass outside.
What are you gonna do?
Assault an officer?
What do you know?
Well, it was bloody.
Any sign of the girl?
That's right, you boys are looking
for a girl.
I hate to break it to you hoss
All the body parts we found
were male.
Were they all brothers?
What you trying to say?
All us white boys look alike?
Uh...
Its a term of endearment, deputy.
How many people did this?
A witness said it was a
fat guy with a shotgun.
Aw hell no...
I don't reckon we have
witnesses around these parts.
Oh, well that's cute.
The witness says you haven't
got any cops around these parts.
WHO SAID THAT?
Tell me where they are
and we're
we're going to take care of dem.
All right, Tennessee.
Do you gentleman want to
take this conversation where its
a little bit less....
stupid.
Uh... yes... please.
What kind of uppity
yankee bullshit, is that?
Yeah.
Tell you what though, with an ass like
that, its hard to hate that bitch.
Yeah well,
she probably reminds you
of your Mom too.
My Mom?
Boy, whatchyu know about
my Mom?
Nothin'.
Nope, nothin' nope.
So, the shooter matches
my guy's description.
But, the bodies are the ones
who apparently took your girl.
How do you know that?
WELLLLL.....
I managed to swipe these
before that sheriff even decided to
mosey on up to the crime scene.
Wait, you took these off of an
active crime scene?
What? SERIOUSLY?
You going to bitch at me for
contaminating their crime scene?
Uh, no deputy, just impressed.
We should team up.
Pool our resources.
Ignore the inept locals?
Uh, they call them fucking
idiots here.
Actually, its fucktards.
It's a term of endearment.
Is that a yes?
You have a deal.
Okay then.
A King belongs in his castle.
Now Lou, not every powerful
man is a King.
No, but you haven't head of a
King paying child support and
eating dog food either.
Preach it, BROTHER!
You may enter.
Oh look, honey.
It's our local sheriff.
And to what do we owe this
honor this evening, sheriff?
Is it time for another charitable
contribution to the local law enforcement
doesy-do?
You got yourself a problem.
And that problem would be?
You got a fat guy out there
killing all your boys.
GOOOOOD!
That's good?
Walk with me Sheriff.
Did you just sass me?
No darling.
My back was just hurting...
a little.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure?
Baby I would never-
Goddamn right.
Now, you just sit there
and look pretty.
Now...
there's some questions that
you have, I bet.
Yeah, I got a few.
Awwww
you taste good, child.
Ya all right sheriff?
I'm fine.
I don't mind covering
for ya'll's family but
I'd rather not watch this
depravity.
I don't give two shits on
a stick, what you want.
About this fat guy?
Of course.
Now, I didn't want to hurt
the boy
I just needed to get his
dander up a little bit.
You see... the fat guy
He's my long lost brother.
The baby?
Baby boo....
Is he horseman?
Hell yeah!
Only the most glorious one
of us all.
It's gonna be bloody.
WELL....
it IS the apocalypse.
Now, you knew that
when you signed over your soul
for your pound of flesh.
Tell me sheriff...
How is that sweet young thang
I sent over to you?
She's fine.
And, the sex?
Is it everything you ever
dreamed about
in your entire life?
Yeah.
Well then
the price has been bartered for
you are bought and sold.
And if I should tell you to
lick the shit off the bottom of my boot.
You are gonna hop to it...
post haste!
What do you want me to do about
this fat guy?
Tell you what
you let him kill a bit more
He needs to embrace his role
of death.
Tomorrow night!
Under the blood moon...
we cut this tasty treat from her
snatch all the way to her throat.
We let her blood bring forth
our daddy.
And then we rule the world
by his side.
AMEN....brother.
What about me?
Don't worry sheriff.
In a world ruled by the darkest
of souls
there's always going to be a need
for a good
LOYAL
Sheriff.
Now,
you get some of your boys
together here
and uh
you pick a fight with my
little brother and
you let the blood flow.
Yes sir.
Shhhhhhhh
Oh, you can see yourself out,
you know where the door is.
My brother and I
have a toy that needs our
undivided attention
Shhhh
Yeah...
Oh this one is just too good
We should have some fun first.
No....no...
You know the prophecy
calls for a virgin sacrifice
Now...
we can play with the merchandise
but we can't plaaaay with the
merchandise.
Well shit Rayland.
I's got to get my willie wet.
What do you think my wife is for?
I guess I'll take the front door.
Lead on brother.
No, brother, after you.
What a friend we have in Jesus
So, what will you do if
you finally win?
WHEN.
When I finally win.
Of course, of course....WHEN
you win.
I'll give humans total freedom.
Freedom from morals.
Freedom from empathy.
Freedom from God.
God?
You see Hell is...
The rape of the Congo.
The Armenian genocide.
Nanking.
Wu han
Jewish ghettos
Cambodia.
Gaza
Sri Lanka
Sierra
Darfur, Croatia
Bosnia
It all happened on his watch
He gave them free will.
That was his first mistake.
So, you ask me what I'll
do when I win?
The first thing I'll do is
eliminate adults from the equation.
I'll raise children to bow
before me.
I will provide order where he
provided chaos.
I WILL BRING KNOWLEDGE.
You won't let them discover it
on their own?
OH PLEASE... he would let them
walk blindly
through the wilderness
for all of eternity.
I'd give them direction.
But, what will you do when
they question
I'll give them answers.
To everything or...
just to the questions you like?
See...
humans grow and learn
they question.
They try
and they fail
and they try again
that's what makes them unique.
Some try to follow God's instructions
and some fail.
Some will misuse his name or,
misinterpret his intentions
but, that's not really the point.
So, what is the point?
The point is that
He was
just the God of their creation.
THEY
are the Gods of their destiny
and you want to rob them of that.
NO... I want to harnass it.
Some books say that God tried
to harness it once
and you and I both know what came
out of that mistake.
Then he should have ended
the experiment.
Let's talk about your wife Lillith.
HEY!
We agreed you would not
bring her up.
Lou, I am here to help you
work through all of your anger
and that includes the anger
towards your wife.
My EX... my ex-wife.
You want to play?
Okay, but what's the game?
Go fish.
Is your mouth ready to
receive a python?
I've seen your pecker Tenny.
Its a garter snake at best.
Goddamn she
got you good.
Well shit, Harlowe
just cuz you got hit
with an ugly stick
don't mean you get to laugh
at my pecker!
DAMN Tenny, I was just
joshin' at ya.
Bitch
you told me
that if I got you some weed
and a six pack
you'd make my night.
I'm here ain't I?
You get to look at me.
That's more than Harlowe
paid for.
Show me your tits.
Yeah, lets see your tits.
Uh-uh-uh.
FUCK THAT!
No, I paid for tits
You don't get shit.
You can turn your ass around.
What the fuck you talking
about Tenny?
No, you didn't pay for shit.
Fine, you can see my tits.
Turn around.
C'mon BRUH!
NO!
I paid for this, you can
turn your ass around.
Fuck you.
Well shit.
On a scale of one to Robocop,
I'd give that a Smokey and The Bandit.
God Damn...
(footsteps
You know that's what I love about
Appalachia.
Man can't find him a woman
But goddamn he can talk his
sister into a freebie.
Fuck you, Sheriff.
Fuck me, honey?
I ain't the one in the midst of
foreplay with her goddamn brothers.
Well shit, Sheriff.
It ain't incest if you're paying
for it like everybody else.
Allright what the fuck you want here?
Well, I ain't here on my own account
I can assure you that.
Your cousin sent me to round up
a few expendables.
Like the movie?
Yeah Harlowe... just like the movie.
Shit yeah.
Rayland asked for us?
Rayland asked for us.
All three of ya, just by name.
Well shit
He's starting to see our worth.
Wait.
What's he askin' us to do?
He ain't asking nothing you three
ain't capable of.
Just pick up a little trash around
town and take it out.
Got an escaped convict.
A dangerous convict?
Nah....
just a fat guy with a shotgun.
Like I said.
It ain't nothin' you three can't handle.
Fuckin' A.
We're steppin' up.
Fuck yeah.
It'll be a cake walk for you.
Easy Breezy.
Once we prove ourselves.
I'm gonna get gussied up
and work at the mayor's office.
Don't that just beat all.
Hell yeah.
Fuckin' skedaddle shitheads.
Fuckin' morons.
We should get that in better sync.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
We should get food after this
keep your blood sugar regulated.
I acquiesce to the urgency
of this material need.
This is the middle of nowhere.
Ah... pardon us... Miss?
Well I do declare
look at what has just shown
up at my door.
And what can I do to help you
handsome men?
Um, we're looking for your
Mother ma'am.
My MAMA?
Well, ain't you just the cutest thing.
Oh my mama passed away years ago.
Hellfire...
She died before my boys were born.
Oh but you are sweet
for saying so.
Miss...
We're here to see Mrs. Ambrose
may we converse with her?
Well... I'm Mrs. Ambrose.
And
If I may say
YOU
are a credit to your race
young man.
A FIIIINNNNNE Specimen.
Um, our apologies ma'am you-
just don't seem old enough.
Aren't you just a silver tongued devil.
Tell me...
What else can you do with
that tongue?
Ma'am if you are indeed
Mrs. Ambrose
then we'd like to make a few
inquiries.
I can assure you I AM the
mistress of this house.
Now, I'm sure you
city boys must think
we mountainfolk have
all manner of strange habits.
Why, I bet you think
I stay young lookin' by
bathing in the blood of virgins
Excuse me?
Don't worry sugar
I do no such thing.
I stay young lookin' by
breathing this clean mountain air.
And staying close to mother nature.
You know, there are times when I
feel like I just popped out of the ground.
I see.
Now that we have established
who I am
May I ask
who you two gentleman are
and what questions you have?
Certainly.
Special Agent Duane
Delmont FBI
This is my partner.
Special Agent Dwayne Dellmont
Well
your mama and daddy didn't
have much of an imagination.
No relation ma'am.
We're here investigating the
disappearance of this girl.
Her name is Sophie Harlan.
Well...
she certainly looks delicious
But...
I don't know what this
has to do with me.
May we come in?
Mercy me
where are my manners
Of course you may.
Usually I wouldn't even ask.
I'd insist.
Now, I would love nothin better
to help you boys achieve uh...
Uh...
to help you boys
achieve your
uh
Objective.
Of finding this
young girl, but
I just don't see how I can
help you.
That smells really good.
Actually, Mrs. Ambrose
Oh please,
Call me Mama.
Everybody does
Uh..
Mrs. Ambrose,
Can you tell us the whereabouts
of your three sons?
During the disappearance?
There go my manners again!
Would you two boys like
something to eat?
No thank you ma'am.
Uh, I would.
When would that be?
49 hours and
7 minutes.
My...
That does narrow it down a bit.
You would have been good
working in a household.
Why, I can't rightly say where
my boys were but
I'm sure they're not the ones
you're lookin' for.
Why do you say that?
Well my boys are blessed.
And a blessing.
Take those ribs and barbecue
My boy Otis brought them by
for me.
It's his secret recipe.
He says
it all starts with the
right kind of meat.
Gotta be fresh.
That may well be, ma'am
But we still need to speak with him.
Can you tell us where they are now?
Why...
I
I couldn't say.
Well, what about Mister Ambrose?
Oh
The boy's daddy
ain't been around
for awhile....but
I worship
the ground he walks
on
We all do.
In fact,
We're preparing for his return
OH...
It's gonna be a hot time
in this town when he does.
Uh....
that's...
nice
um
Thank you
so much for your time
here's my
card
Tell your sons
that we'd like to spek with them.
We'll see ourselves out.
Oh don't mind none
Just as soon as I see
any of my boys
I'll send them right out
to find you.
Uh, thank you for the food.
Oh, and agents...
I've got four sons.
All right, we'll be in touch.
You wanna tell me what that
shit was about?
Why'd you keep me from eating man?
You know I'm a ribs and barbecue
man from way back right?
Yeah, that's why I was so surprised
you didn't want any back there.
You know, with your blood sugar
and shit.
Duane...
You don't eat at
a suspects house... period.
What are you saying?
It's about the badge.
We represent the badge Duane.
Fair.
And there is some
shit going on
in this county brother.
Beside,
Do you really want to eat
anything these hillbillies prepare?
NO.
Exactly.
So...
If they're guilty do we go ahead
and take her in?
No, no, no... let's...
find Catherine, there's some
weird shit going on down here.
Really weird shit.
Yeah, weirder than that normal
WV weird shit.
Weird shit.
If we kill anybody you're doing
the paperwork.
I want them dead.
Yes, Mama.
And tell them, I want
their cocks and balls
for a nice stew
YES, MAMA!
Tell him, if he fails me
It will be his and his
deputies instead.
And
he'll serve them to me.
I'll deliver the message myself.
Ah...
Oh, all this stress
It is VERY hard on the skin.
Is that?
IS THAT A WRINKLE?!
No way Mama
No wrinkle would dare
touch your skin!
Aw... Buford darling
I need a bath.
I think.
I think three should do it.
Shall I kill them
or save that for you
Mama?
No, I don't want
you to cut their
throats..YOU KNOW
I LIKE A WARM BATH!
I'll do it myself.
Now, do you
require versions
for your
porcelain skin
Or, will any blood do?
No need to be
virgins
Just innocent blood.
I NEVER lie to the law.
It's not my
problem its
so hard to come
by innocent blood.
Lordy.
I swear.
I am
SURROUNDED by idiots.
It's my cross to bear.
You are so right, Mama.
Idiots everywhere.
Where the hell are you John?
Tell me
about your tour.
I'd rather not.
All right, it was bad.
Isn't that enough?
Maybe for your buddies
But you and I are here
to help you get past this
terrible ordeal.
You have it all in your records.
I know.
But uh... tell me in your own words.
In my words.
I was the only goddamn survivor.
What the fuck do you want me
to say about it?
That is a....uh...
interesting choice of words
for the only survivor.
Sometimes life can also
be a death sentence, doc.
So, talk to me.
Okay, initially it wasn't
just me.
Initially there were three of us.
We made it the whole way
with very little food.
We were starving.
We were gettin' real thin
but, not just...
thin
yeah...
We were holocaust skinny.
The three of us
Mikey had it the worst.
Mikey was dyin'.
In front of our eyes.
And for some reason
I wasn't losing the weight
like everyone else was
I still had my strength
I could hack the pain.
So...
We were gettin'
whatever little rations we had
I was givin'a lot of em out.
Mikey mostly.
The amount of food I was
givin' I guess his
stomach burst.
You know, you hack it
through the march.
Survive those fuckin'
hellships.
You get all the way to the camp.
And just because
some buddy gives you
some extra bread.
That's how you go?
So, you're blaming
yourself for
an act of kindness?
Wouldn't you?
World War Two?
What?
Tell me about your childhood.
Gettin' really tired of talkin, Doc.
All right... its all in the file.
No, its not John.
All it tells me is you
grew up in a group home
and the work houses.
Doesn't tell me anything else.
All right, I really don't remember much.
I know I was born in West Virginia.
I know my Mother gave me
up for adoption
I worked in some shoe factory
shortly after I turned six
and I stayed there
really, until I was old enough
to enlist.
And shortly after that
I was in 4th Marines
headed to the Pacific.
Workhouses?
How the fuck old is this guy?
Pretty sure I have some
siblings somewhere.
Well, have you ever tried
to find them?
Nah... not really.
Well, I've always believed um...
the family that you choose
is far more important than
the family that you are given.
I agree with that.
You are a good man, John.
So?
We all done then?
Almost John, almost.
Have you ever...
looked into your past?
Not really.
A little bit.
I know the family name
on my birth certificate
says Ambrose.
I met a woman.
And uh...
I'm going to ask her to marry me.
But uh, I want to make sure the uh
the nightmares stop first.
Well
I can't guarantee the nightmares
will be gone forever, John.
But, I do know you are a good man.
That's it?
No investigation?
Who is it?
Duane
and Dwayne.
Come on in.
Uh...
US Marshalls don't offer
a per diem?
We're here to give you your award
for WV's shittiest hotel room?
Competition was stiff this year
so....congratulations.
ha-ha.
We just had the strangest....uh
You might wanna...
What?
Clothes.
Oh right...
Sorry kids.
Guess you haven't seen
these before.
I have a problem.
I think my guy is....
Um...
I think my guy is innocent.
You sure?
NO! I'm not sure.
But my gut is telling me
Is it done?
What the fuck is that?
He hasn't spoken a word.
He was covered in
his wife's blood.
But his wife was
killed with a revolver.
All we recovered
was a shotgun.
So, the official story is
he threw the murder weapon
away, officer.
Damn son, do I have to do
everything?
No, ma'am.
So, ummmmm
Who the fuck is that?
Uh...
Yeah?
Shhhh
You tryin' to ask me
something, son?
You promised me
a reward.
Oh... right.
You wanted to live forever
is that right?
Yes, Mama!
And what was your
name again?
Buford.
We're going to get along
just fine Buford darlin.
I know that voice.
Yeah?
Yeah. That's Mrs. Ambrose.
Wait, Rayland's mother?
How fucking old is she?
The thing is, she looks younger
than you.
Oh, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I've been working all day.
It's not as though I look
like I'm in my 70's
Yeah, that's the thing.
Neither did she.
What's going on in this county?
Whatever it is... it is not normal.
Where in the hell do you
think he's at?
I don't know.
Here comes somebody.
You're going to want to
get out of my way.
If you're not an Ambrose
we got no beef.
We're the new generation
of Ambrose.
Is that so?
Yeah.
You heard what she said.
Shut up, can't you see I'm talking?
We're the new motherfuckers
in town.
The new motherfuckers?
YEAH!
So, that means....
that this is your unlucky day
FAT MAN.
I guess so.
What the fuck?
Do you have any queens?
Hmmm, Go fish.
Uh, about your dream.
Tell me, why would you have
your youngest go live in foster care?
Are you kidding me?
He's DEATH.
I needed him to have a healthy
disdain for humanity.
What better way to do that than
to send him out into the world
surrounded bythe meat
puppets he plans to harvest?
Have you met people?
I have.
And I find
that most of them are
hard working and decent.
And working together
for a common goal to
make the world a better
place for the coming generation.
All right Goddamnit
Ya'll follow my lead.
We'll get the jump on these
sons of bitches.
So, what did the judge say?
He's playing golf
Oh.
Looks like we're going
with my plan, aren't we?
We still need a warrant Duane.
You know, I always wanted to be
the Mexicans in Butch and Sundance.
Well...
you know boss if
we're going to be technical
Um
Really its Butch
and Sundance
AND Sundance.
Right?
You know?
I reckon you got a point.
Thank you.
Huckleberry
Bring over Wyatt.
Well, I'm your Huckleberry.
You gotta stop saying that shit.
All right.
On my sign.
Shit.
Looks like a damn Klan rally out there.
They have a machine gun.
SHIT!
Goddamnit...
I'm sorry Boss.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Fuck it... SHOOT!
Fuck.
I want a machine gun.
Okay.
We're going to get them while
they are still reloading.
Um, short Duane
I need you to go get the car.
Tall Dwayne go to the right.
And I'm going to go down the center.
Okay?
So. I'm going for the right?
OH. MY. GOD.
YOU, DUANE
You go get the car!
You DWAYNE
You go to the right.
I'm going to go down the center.
Are we good?
OKAY
Shit...
So, what happened next?
Huh?
The motel shootout.
Oh.
Uh.
So, the fat fuck rode in on his
fat pale horse
came to save the day.
Do you have any threes?
Go fish.
Fuck, its my tree.
I'm going right, cover me.
Okay!
Okay, GO!
Fuckin' A!
I have him.
Great, get the kid to safety.
DUANE!
What?
No, short Duane!
Nyuh-uh...
WHITE DWAYNE!
JESUS CHRIST DWAYNE
What the fuck are we gonna do
now, Boss?
You hold down this spot now
Tennessee.
And, I'm gonna go and get
us some help.
I... I... I...
I can't
Now listen,
Goddamnit, you've been saying
you want more responsibility.
Now, this is more responsibilty.
No, boss, I kinda like doin' nothin'.
I wish I was doin' nothin
right now.
You got this.
I got... uh...
Dammit Boss
We can't do this.
Goddamnit Boys, there ain't no
way that fat son of a bitch
can hit us from there.
Fuck this.
Fuck this.
I'm out! I'M OUT!
FREEZE JOHN!
I SAID FREEZE!
Look, I know you didn't kill
your wife and child.
Okay?
I know the Ambrose Family had
something to do with it.
You're going to kill all of them
aren't you?
Look, I have a job to do.
And that means bringing you in
no matter what.
Which is why its going
to be so hard
to tell them how you got away.
Look, I'm going to the Ambrose house
now and I'm going to help
these agents find that missing girl.
This may be our one chance
to make sure that bastard
doesn't hurt anyone else.
I'll be there.
I was hoping you would say that.
Look, I gotta help them, okay.
We good?
Yeah. We're good.
All right, lets go get that
missing girl of yours.
What about your fugitive?
What fugitive?
Who were these assholes?
I don't know.
But, I'm guessing they all share
the same family shrubbery.
And also judging by the fact
that we have a local deputy
lying over there
with a tomahawk
in his head
I'm guessing that we'redealing
with local law enforcement.
You know, I wanted to go to Seattle.
But, my partner here insisted on
the National Capitol.
Which covers this lovely bit of
West Virginia.
Too much rain.
I'm not writing up tomahawk guy.
Not me...
Okay.
Please...
God
Get me outta here.
Please send somebody to save me.
I swear I will never doubt you again.
And I will never take my
grandparents forgranted.
I've made so many mistakes.
Surprise Girl.
You pray to a God who
doesn't like to meddle.
Do you know what
inaction gets you?
Do you?
No.
Awww
ME.
Awww
You wanna know a secret?
My brother Rayland likes you.
He wanted you all for his own.
But I told him that
just wouldn't do.
Your blood
will usher in a new era.
And bring our Daddy back.
Oh... the tears of a virgin
Mama sure does want those.
Wasted opportunity in every drop.
Why are you doing this?
Because...
there are two sides to every war
You're lyin' here
vulnerable
praying to a God
who just won't answer, and
I spent my entire childhood
waitin' for a Daddy who couldn't
You see
a very long time ago
my Daddy
was banished
by your Daddy.
And I want my Daddy back.
My Daddy died in the Gulf War
He didn't banish anybody!
I don't give a damn about
your mortal father!
Shhhh
I'm talking bigger than that
sweetheart
Satan is your Father?
Lucifer
Augustine
Ambrose
It's an older name than most realize.
You're insane!
You see
My Daddy
had four sons
and he gave each
of us a horse
My Horse
was black
Four horsemen?
FAMINE!
At your service
and you
are the blood
of innocence
Your blood
will create a blight
that will
KILL
the very
ground the humans
souls walk it will
DEFILE IT.
Or at least it would have
W-w-what do you mean would have?
Ohhhhh
I'm afraid my brother has been
a bit remiss.
He's not going to be in charge
much longer.
And if we
can't bring Daddy back
The lease I could do
is share my gifts with the world.
Little lamb
Now c'mon
you know this song
Bringing in the sheaves
Bringing in the sheaves
We shall come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves
Now
What's a little hunger
among friends?
Now there
a cord of wheat
for a penny
C'mon ow
Take it down.
Down the hatch.
Bringing in the sheaves
There you go
chew and swallow now
its good for you
and then we have
three quarts of barley
for a nickel
C'mon now.
Down the hatch it goes
Bringing in the sheaves
Don't you dare
damage the oil and the wine now.
Oh yes
Red like the Red Sea
You're parting it like Moses Darlin'
YES
Praise the Lord.
Praise his name.
WHY?
Because
if you can't shed
one virgin's blood
You might as well
bathe the world in blood
And YOU
have the distinct
Honor and
privilege of
being my bride
You will never
be able
to cure your hunger now
It will grow
Just like a tumor
until nothing satisfies
Oh yes
You're my bitch
and I'm never satisfied either
We shall come rejoicing
Bringing in the sheaves
There that wasn't so bad now was it?
That wasn't so bad.
How much for your whore
for the day?
That's my wife you're
talking about.
I ask you a math question
and you answer me by
correcting my english?
Not today.
Daddy has plans.
Fine.
I got things to do anyway.
Sermons don't write themselves.
Tonight, brother.
Everything will be finished
Tonight.
Right.
Tonight
Father's gonna return
and I'm gonna take
my place
by his side
and then
you can love
as much as you want
why might you be at his side?
I am the oldest, brother
Tonight?
Yes
Wouldn't miss it.
FREEZE!
And to what
do I owe this honor?
We have reason
to believe that you're involved
in the kidnapping of a young woman.
Oh wait...
I have the judge in my pocket.
That means, I assume
you do not have a search warrant.
Well, we heard someone scream.
Exigent circumstances and all...
I doubt that very much.
And since,
I am such a
criminal mastermind
Why would I hide
a kidnapped girl in
my very own home?
In front of the local clergy at that.
Amen, brother.
Clergy?
HEY! HANDS!
I have the largest
flock in the
tri-county
We're
non-denominational
We know you had something to
do with this Ambrose.
Knowing and proving
are two very different things.
And since I am the duly elected mayor.
Of this here town.
It would take some balls
especially for the feds
Oh...
and uh...
a deputy marshall
who is supposed to be looking
for an escaped convict.
Tell me
how is that search coming along
little Missy?
Fuck off.
Ohhhhh.....
I'd love to but
You're a little bit too old for me.
But,
You can give me
the number of your local
field office
so that I can have a little
chat
with your supervisor
and ask him
what he thinks
about this intrusion
in my home.
Mr. Ambrose...
We're searching this house.
By all means
Be my guest.
'course
it might cost you your jobs... eh
Wait...
You breached my front door.
So...
of course, it WILL cost you
your jobs
just don't
upset my pretty little wife.
Well
I've got to be going.
Slow your roll, Pastor.
Father.
The title... is Father.
Oh, I don't care if it's
Holy Fucker
of the asshole
pious dickheads
STAND
STILL
Oh, you're thinking of my
brother here
Give me a reason.
Yes, ma'am.
Well...
uh, please...
Feel free
to search the premises
Uh, my wife will be happy to show
you around.
While I finish
my breakfast.
Uh, I would do so myself
But
I have a very
busy day ahead
and its just been
complicated
by having to call
a bunch of supervisors
Which is
my favorite hobby
Calling supervisors and
having officers fired.
You are going to shoot
a mayor
for eating his breakfast?
All lives matter
You good?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Ma'am
I need you to take these
agents around the house.
Now tell me...
Why
would I kidnap some
sweet young thang
when
when I have
such a
delicious
piece of ass
like that, who's gonna
give me every bit of
pleasure and earthly delight
that I could ever want
Praise Jesus.
Mmmm
You talk about your wife like that?
That's how
my brother
talks about everything
SIT DOWN!
Father.
Now then.
Officer.
Deputy Marshall
Now then...
Unemployed.
what could you
possibly hope to
accomplish by
invading my
precious home, this way.
I'm coming for you, brother.
We know you have the girl.
Do you now?
We have our reasons.
Such as?
What?
No Girl.
How is that possible?
Jesus, Mary and Joseph
I don't believe I've ever seen
three careers get
flushed down the toilet
quicker than that.
Oh it has been a real pleasure
hm-mmm
A real pleasure indeed, now.
Oh that's so cute.
You know
You can always
make it as a dancer
What a friend we have in Jesus
Oh well now, Spunky
I guess I can get back to my breakfast.
MOTHERFUCKER!
HOLY SHI HEY!
DEATH IS COMING
Stop!
DEATH IS COMING!!!
DEATH IS COMING!
Motherfucker!
She's behind the wall!
Bitch I loved you!
Partner you good?
Ma'am, you okay?
I'm good.
Get his dander up
and he'll take his rightful place
in this family
you are one fuckin' idiot
Well Mama said
Mama said that you were
her favorite that don't
make it so
Well, you're the one who picked
that girl
She'll be easy pickings you said
Her grandparents are weak
you said!
Well, I wasn't counting
on ebony and ivory
coming to the rescue
and lettin' fat boy escape
is how we ended up
with a dyke with a vendetta
Or did you forget about her?
FUCK YOU!
Fuck me?
You know that story about
the bear in the woods?
What story?
Only gotta be faster than you.
OH!!!!
DAMNIT!
So, you must be my big brother.
I've waited a long time for this.
you know
when I was in
there was this bible vers
that I read
The the lord spoke
and he asked
whom shall I send?
Who will go for us?
What the fuck do you say
when God asks you that?
You have no power here
You are the BABY.
Do you wanna know what I said,
Rayland?
I said, HERE AM I
SEND ME!
You
really didn't
think
that it
would be that
easy now
did you fat man!
Actually...
I kinda did you
FUCK!
I'm gonna tell you a story about
a broken man, how it began
and how it ends
but he didn't understand
is all the love he had in his hands
Woke up one morning and said
I can't get hurt if I'm not here
music fades
Please help me
Confused and blind
Confused he lost his mind
I promise you, help is coming.
- My family reunion's not over.
- Wait... please...
HELP! Help me please
Get me outta here!
Please, somebody help!
HELP!
Opa! I'm home!
I'm ready for you
you supernatural
fucktards!
Breakdown to the sound, to the sound
WHY WOULD YOU?
To the sound of calamity
I didn't do this.
But, I know who did.
I followed him to your house.
I think he was waiting for you.
I'm sorry I couldn't save her.
(walking
Jesus, that is one tough Oma.
BABY!
Oh Baby, I shouldn't have
left you!
I thought I was leadin'
em away from you.
I shoulda never left
my Boston Belle.
Then, you'd be dead too.
Who the fuck are you?
GRANDPA!
Who the hell are you?
And what are you doin'
in my house?
He saved me Grandpa.
They all did.
What the fuck do we
do with you?
Nothing.
I just want to live in peace.
You're not finished yet.
We stopped the apocalypse
The rest is up to you.
We should be more
concerned about her.
She's been shoving her face
with bloodsoaked cookies
or, has nobody noticed.
Ugh...
Holy shit.
I'm hungry.
ALL THE TIME.
It can be reversed.
But, she's gonna have
to come with me
The hell you are
Grandpa!
Look, I am not letting her
out of my sight, ever again!
There's only room for one.
Well then, she ain't goin'.
Grandpa
this goes deeper than that.
We'll get you a good, Doc.
We'll get you fixed up.
My Memory is a bit hazy.
Once the hunger takes over
she'll turn into a robot
Just like that brunette
at my brother's house.
Anything she eats
is going to turn to dust
Shit.
And she'll die from hunger.
Grandpa
All those legends you
told me as a kid
about this town
They're true.
I fuckin' knew it.
Too much
fucknuggetry going on
around here to be normal.
You have to let me go.
You touch a hair on her head
and I am going to gut
and skin you
like a deer
We on the same page?
Cuz, I'm and old motherfucker
and the thing you need to
remember about
old motherfuckers
is we know how to fuckin'
fight because we've been
doin' it longer than anybody
I hear you.
GOOD.
I love you Opa!
Oh Baby, I love you too.
You were the light of our twilight.
Don't you ever forget that, okay.
How do we...
Explain all this?
Yeah.
It's not my problem.
I should just take you
in right now.
You could try.
But, I wouldn't recommend it.
He's one of them.
What?
He rides a pale horse.
Sweetie, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Otis called himself famine.
They are...
The four horsemen of
the apocalypse?
Oooookay.
So, that makes John?
Death.
Sweetie, I am not letting you
go with this man.
It's her choice.
Only I can stop the hunger.
You can't keep me safe.
Or save me now.
But he can.
All due respect
My granddaughter trusts this man.
And that means I trust this man.
Now
you seem like a nice lady
sort of
But I have every intention
of making sure that
these two leave together
and I ain't opposed to
hittin' a woman if she's armed.
Okay, okay.
Fine.
Lordy.
I have never been more
disappointed
in one of my children
in my life.
Yes, she is very upset.
You have severely let
your Mama down.
Sorry Mama
I tried to save him.
Buford dear
please take care of my light work.
This is from your Mama
with love.
Don't lie to me, BOY.
I brought you into this world
I can take your slippery
ass out.
You can cast aspersions
on the mortals all you want
But don't you EVER
villify your mother with
a fabrication
Do you understand me?
Yes.....Mama
I should give you to Buford
As a toy
make you sit and take it.
I'd like that, Mama.
Calm your tits!
There are some lines
even a Mother can't cross.
But, I am this close, Otis.
Do you understand me?
Yes....Mama
But, Mama what do you expect
me to do
there are only so many
trigger fingers out there
We don't need more.
We just need, one.
Have you met your son, Mama?
Yes.
I have.
Are you talking about yourself
because you are one
flaccid motherfucker
compared to the fat guy.
HEY!
Pretty, pretty princess
I can still cut a bitch.
FOCUS!!!
Boys
I think its time to call that
bigger gun
Who is this mythical beast?
Otis.
Call your brother.
Uh
Did I stutter?
But my
bride is still
out there uh
I just missed her at
grandparents home
uh
I expect she'll be home
anytime now.
Boy, you best get on that phone
and call your younger brother!
Yes, Mama.
Do you have any Jacks?
Go fish.
Looks like I win.
Double or nothing.
Oh, I don't think that's
a good idea Lou
I mean, you need your rest.
And uh...
your whole quest
for world domination
failed in your dream
I have another son
Well you already lost one
in this fantasy
the other ones don't seem to
love you a whole lot.
If you win
I'll take my pills
Well....
What do you get if you win?
Then I get out of this hell hole!
I don't know if I can promise that.
C'mon, don't you wanna know
how the story ends?
Well... okay.
But, what's the game? I've about
had it with Go Fish.
How about war?
Fuck off. I'm busy.
Is it John?
I'm on my way.
Ahh...
I hopeyou fellas don't mind
fightin' women
It's your unlucky day.
End credit music
FUCK!
End credit music
Got any fives?
End credit music
Can I interest you in some
primo meth?
Can I interest you in some
primo...
This is why we're partners.
That is for the prequel
Now, I'll never
be a model.
Oooh, just let me take him out.
Just let me take him out!
You don't get to kill me!
Oh my God!
What the fuck you doin'?
Well... I... uh...