Father and Scout (1994) Movie Script
Come on!
Let's go, let's go!
Get them, Michael!
Go, Michael.
Ian, get to the ball!
Alec, run!
If you won't run,
get off the field!
Can you believe
he's humiliating a kid?
It's not the world cup.
They're just kids!
Shh!
Kid probably
didn't want to play.
Honey, look.
It's Michael.
Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
Get him, Michael!
Get him
but be careful!
Go, Michael! Go! Go!
Go, Michael.
Son, let the other boys
get hurt, too.
Get it!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
He's open!
I sense
an injury developing.
Go and get it!
Hurry up!
Hurry!
Come on! Get it!
Michael,
you can get him!
Uh!
Hurry up!
Come on!
Oh! Oh, foul!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Are you o.K.,
baby?
How many fingers
is this?
Three.
Are you o.K.?
He hit me in the ribs.
Get back
in there
and get even,
all right?
What do you think
I should do, dad?
I think you should stay here
and catch your breath.
It's just a stupid game.
I was trying
to protect him.
Oh, come on.
He's shooting
baskets now?
Yeah, he's upset.
He shoots baskets
when he's upset.
See, this is
what I hate
about sports.
A few kids
feel great.
Everybody else feels
like garbage.
It's not just sports.
You need to spend
more time with him.
I just took him
to the movies
yesterday.
I mean guy stuff.
Oh, boy.
This isn't about
going camping again,
is it?
I see him
on the playground.
He lacks confidence
around the boys.
Donna, he's
just like me.
He's artistic.
Not everybody's
cut out
for that
Steven seagal stuff.
There is a place
in the world
for sensitive men,
you know--
Michelangelo,
Da Vinci, Mozart,
bill moyers.
We've all made
our contribution
without killing
an animal.
I just think he needs
more male-oriented
activities
to boost his self-esteem.
Otherwise,
he could end up like...
Like me?
I didn't say that.
You were
thinking it.
I was trying not to.
So, what are you saying?
I'm failing him
as a father?
Oh,
of course not.
You're
a wonderful
father
in most ways.
You took him
miniature
golfing
15 times
last year.
In a couple sundays,
I'll take him
in the mountains,
and we'll go hiking.
That would be
a start. Good.
I got plenty
of male animal in me.
Oh, you do?
I've demonstrated that
to you.
Ha ha ha!
Mmm.
Talk to him
during dinner.
Tell him something
to make him feel better.
You can count on me.
You know who
the biggest sports fans are?
Orthopedic surgeons.
They make a fortune
sewing these guys up.
One shot in the knees,
and the guy's finished--
2 minutes of glory,
40 years of agony.
Thanks.
Want some more?
No.
Why don't you
show him that
letter, hmm?
What letter?
You and Michael
have been
invited
to go on
a camping trip.
Camping trip?
Mm-hmm.
Who would invite me
on a camping trip?
My school.
Your entire school
is going camping?
No. Just his class.
The boys
and their fathers
have been
invited to go
to Catalina island
for the weekend
to camp buffalo
valley.
No kidding.
Mmm. It's called
a dad and lad
weekend.
Isn't that cute?
Oh, that's adorable.
They'll sleep
in tents.
Wow--tents.
I guess you
want to go on this.
Of course
he wants to go.
He doesn't want to be
the only boy who doesn't go.
I was asking Michael.
All the other kids
are going.
With their fathers.
It would look
really bad
if Michael
didn't show up.
Right.
It would be terrible
if you were the only kid
that didn't go.
The other fathers are going?
All of them.
Well, then we'll go, too.
This isn't a psych?
No. No, not at all.
It'll be fun.
I've never slept
in a tent before.
Yeah, and you know,
I hear Catalina island
is beautiful.
Movie stars go there.
Hey, we'll do it--
rock-'n'-roll.
This is going to be
so cool, dad.
I'm going to go call
all my friends.
I'm going to die over there.
You know that.
Do me a favor.
Could you pack
my aspirin,
insect repellent,
and allergy medicine
and a cyanide pill
in case things
get bad?
It's two nights
on Catalina island.
Two nights
where I won't get
a wink of sleep.
I get claustrophobic
inside a sleeping bag.
Inside
a sleeping bag.
That's why
I wouldn't go
to Woodstock.
No sleep--
that won't kill you.
I really feel like
a wuss.
You might enjoy this.
I spent
one day in camp
my entire
childhood.
I know. And a bully
ate your lunch
and stole
your pocketknife.
Your mother
said you didn't
have to go back.
Your father was
too busy drinking
to care,
and that's why you're
the bundle of neuroses
that you are today.
Help me.
I am not whining.
Actually,
I'm grateful
for my neuroses,
you know.
I'm a writer.
I depend
on traumatic
childhood memories
in order to be
creative.
Times like this,
though,
I wish
I was more like
your brother--
brain-dead
and devoid
of emotion.
[Michael]
I'm ready!
All right. Me, too--
raring to go.
I'd rather get
a prostate exam
than go
on this trip.
I hate that
about myself.
I'm working
on liking myself
better.
I'm working
on everything.
Well, your father
survived the korean war.
I'm sure
you'll survive this.
My father won
the korean war
single-handedly.
I wish
he were alive
to take Michael
to camp.
He'd jump
out of the plane
to get there.
Go!
All right, Donna,
if they
medevac me back,
take me to ucla,
not some clinic
with people who have
tuberculosis.
You got it,
stud.
Catalina island,
here we come.
Man, here we go.
You have
fun, o.K.?
Buckle up.
Bye, honey.
Why did they
have to pick
a Friday night
for this trip?
The whole city
left town
on a Friday
night.
Oh, man.
What are you
looking at?
What's this for?
Uh, never mind.
If somebody beats me up,
can we go home?
I was going
to ask you
the same question.
Michael,
nobody's going
to beat you up.
I remember a time
a bully beat me up.
My dad
started giving me
boxing lessons.
That's why I had
these bonded.
We're never
going to move.
Oh, great.
Would you look
at this guy's truck?
What's the point
of having that
in Los Angeles?
That's chip Johansen
and his dad.
They're going
on the trip.
Why does he need
a four-wheel drive?
To survive the savage
wilderness of Burbank?
Dad, you're
not going to put
everybody down
over there, right?
No, of course not.
You know how when we
go out for a pizza,
and you get mad because we have
to wait a long time,
and you complain
to the manager?
You're not going
to do that at camp, right?
This is
just a weekend.
I'm totally
chilled out.
Nothing will
bother me, o.K.?
The guy's got
14 extra headlights.
Where's he going?
To Jupiter?
[Honk honk]
Hey, you guys,
watch where you're going!
Oh, man.
Look at this place.
Hey, ed, are you
sailing tomorrow night?
Can you believe this?
I give up.
Oh, god.
I don't know.
Your mother said--
Michael! Michael!
I could use a hand here.
Don't worry about me.
I live for your pleasure.
O.k.
Excuse me.
Hey, over there!
Give me it!
Excuse me.
Oh, man! Ugh!
Oh, gosh! Ugh!
Have a little accident?
I think I'm fine.
Let me help you out--
always prepared.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh...
Have we ever met
before?
Third-grade parents' day.
Oh, that's right.
You're, like,
an FBI agent.
Deputy sheriff.
I think you
got that. Thank you.
You're a musician
or something?
I'm a writer.
Yeah, I knew it was
some hippie job.
Uh, so, uh,
you guys going
camping, too?
Mother/daughter camp-out.
These broads
drive me nuts.
They can't go anywhere
without their hair-dryers.
You know the type.
Yeah.
Jo and me--we brought
our rock-climbing gear,
survival tents,
hiking boots.
We'll do some exploring,
right, Jo?
Catch you later, bud.
Take care.
Hey, dad, the boat--
it's so cool.
The trip
takes three hours.
You're kidding.
Want pizza?
No.
I just had some.
[Horn blows]
Attention, please.
The Catalina express...
That's us.
What did he say?
Just tell them you're
in the fourth grade.
Michael, I could use
some help here.
Thank you. Thanks.
Thank you, son.
Proceed to the loading dock.
Yeah, I got it.
All right, campers.
Just stack your gear
neatly in the pile
inside the boat.
Now, I hope everyone
remembered
to write their names
on their sleeping bags.
We're all friends here,
but no sense setting the table
for temptation.
Know what I mean?
Michael, you
could carry
something.
I don't want to go.
You were looking
forward to this.
I changed my mind.
Look, your mother
says we have to go,
so we're going.
Hike!
Oh!
Boy in the water!
Just hang on
a second.
Boy in the water!
[Blowing whistle]
Who is that kid?
I'll pull you in.
This is no way
to start the weekend, son!
This is
a good place.
Let's sit
by the window.
The sun
will set soon--
great time
to start
a three-hour
boat trip.
Hi. Mind if we buddy up
with you guys?
Oh, gee,
that'd be perfect.
Great.
[Horn blows]
We're going to move!
Brent, you're
going to lose--
hi. I'm Aaron deutsch.
Spenser Paley.
You're the writer,
aren't you?
Want to make
something of it?
No. That's great.
You're doing
what you want.
I'm a film editor--
well, I was.
I'm trying to move
into commercial
real estate,
which is crazy--
the economy
being what it is--
but you got to pay
the bills.
That's what life's
all about--
trying to make
the best of things
after you fail
at what you love.
Michael, want to get
something to eat,
son?
Sure.
Anybody catch
the Dodgers'
score?
Not that I think
they won today.
The line-up
isn't hitting
worth anything.
I'm hanging in
for football
season.
Know
what I mean?
Yeah. I'm going to get
some food. Excuse me.
Avoid the chili.
The burritos
are good.
[Burp]
Hi. Which are better--
the ranch-style
salad-dressing
potato chips
or the onion-soup-dip
flavored potato chips?
You know what? I'll take one of
each and two root beers.
Hi.
I'm married.
[Bag rustling]
I'm sorry.
[Crunching loudly]
[Horn honking]
We're here--Catalina island!
Wake up, you sleepyheads!
Grab your gear
and assemble on deck.
The fun begins now.
Come on, Michael.
We're here.
The fun begins now.
What time
is it?
Oh, jeez, it's
almost midnight.
It's crazy to keep
10-year-olds up
this late.
We'll get to bed soon.
Come on.
There it is!
Hey, watch
who you're pushing.
This is it?
I feel like we're
landing in Vietnam.
You were in 'nam?
No. It was all volunteer
by the time I came up.
How about you?
Marines.
My father was
in desert storm.
Wow. Great job.
He's
a fire fighter
and a paramedic.
If I burst
into flames here,
I'll call you.
Come on, chip.
Let's go get
our stuff.
Step out.
You got everything?
This is so neat.
Where's
our flashlight, dad?
Dump your gear
under the sign
and wait at the end
of the road.
Dump your gear
under the sign
and wait at the end
of the road.
Dump your sign--
I mean gear--
under the sign
and wait at the end
of the road.
Dump your sign--
whatever.
[Blows whistle]
Put your gear
under the sign
and gather on the road.
Why?
We're trying to stick
to a schedule, sir.
We'd all like
to get to bed soon.
Where is the camp?
I can't see anything.
[Horn honks]
Let's bring that truck
down here now.
Everyone,
get off the road.
Watch out
for this drop-off here.
Bring it down here.
You having
a good time,
Michael?
This is cool,
huh?
Oh, yeah.
Let's all pitch in
and toss this gear
into the truck.
We just finished tossing it
on the ground.
Do what he says.
Sometimes, it's important
to question authority.
But all the time?
That's it.
Everybody
pitches in.
Everybody helps.
As soon as we get
the truck loaded,
we can hike to the camp.
Hike?
For those of you
on your first visit here,
the road gets narrow,
especially where it winds
along the cliffs.
This is insane.
Dad, be quiet!
So make sure you all have
your flashlights.
If we keep up a good pace,
we should meet the truck
in the camp
in, oh, 45 minutes.
You'll have
all these kids
taking a hike
in the middle
of the night?
Who's the wimp?
Dad,
I'm not tired.
Can't we take
the truck?
Because my arches--
that's a good point.
For insurance reasons,
no one can ride
in the truck.
But it's
o.K. To hike
in total darkness?
Toss the wuss
back on the ferry!
Dad, you're
embarrassing me.
Don't worry.
Why can't we
take a ride
in those boats
over there?
Sir, the water taxis
are to take the girls
to their camp.
Why is this idiot
in charge?
You'd want to be?
[Blows whistle]
Take off, driver.
If everybody's ready,
let's light up
those flashlights
and get marching--
two by two,
quick time. Ho!
[Blowing whistle]
Come on!
Check it out!
It's
a 45-minute hike.
The camp's
a couple miles away.
What other choice
do we have?
You know,
$50 for all 4 of us
wasn't bad.
Sir, I guess
you probably make
a lot of money
doing this.
The little guy
Peter out?
My daddy
didn't want us--
Michael,
try and relax, son.
You're very,
very tired.
Tomorrow morning,
nobody will remember
that we didn't hike
over with them, o.K.?
Just rest, my son.
Careful.
So this is it?
We don't
have to walk
any further?
Well, this is it--
what there is
left of it.
Thanks for
the ride.
In case you want
to leave early,
call me.
Thank you.
Good night.
I guess
all our problems
are over now.
Can we go home now?
Come on. Let's go, guys.
Gee, it's dark.
Ow!
What happened?
I stepped
on something.
What?
Do we want to know?
Here's a tent.
Now I know
what they did
with the equipment
from the Spanish-
American war.
Great. This must be
the four-star
dining accommodations.
Hey, there's
our stuff.
There is a god.
O.k., there it is.
There it is.
Thanks.
We're here first.
We can pick
the best tent.
They're
all the same.
Oh.
So, what do you think?
You know, maybe we should
look for a better one.
Michael?
I guess this one's fine.
O.k.
Aw.
O.k., Michael.
[Kiss]
[Zipping up sleeping bag]
I knew this was
going to happen.
No. No, thank you.
[Cough cough]
Ahem.
[Clunk]
[Squeaking]
Please don't let it
rain tonight.
Michael?
Michael, wake up.
What?
We lived
through the night.
Come on.
Let's go hit
the showers.
I smell like
a bait boat.
Michael,
don't do that.
You're not home.
Get up.
Michael?
Michael?
There's only
one stall open.
O.k.
Watch it.
It's slippery.
How you doing?
Fabulous.
I'll bring my wife here
for our anniversary.
Funny guy.
Keep your
flip-flops on,
all right?
O.k., dad.
Turn it on
all the way.
It's on all the way.
You're kidding.
I don't feel dirty.
You feel that dirty?
No.
Let's go.
I don't know.
Probably pancakes
or something.
It's been
about six hours.
They were supposed
to serve breakfast
at 7:30.
It's almost 8:00.
You said nothing
would bother you.
Anybody get
any sleep?
Michael slept
pretty well.
You snored.
I slept?
The cots are hard.
Our floor is wet.
Don't be a wuss.
Stop that.
He is.
Fine.
Don't call him that.
Crickets
in our tent
drove me nuts.
Good morning, men!
Good morning.
It's been a half-hour.
When do we eat?
We're working on it.
How do you
work on breakfast?
Just burn some toast
and throw it at us.
[Laughter]
I'm sure
it'll be
just a few
minutes more.
That's my gym teacher.
I have him all year.
Don't make him hate me.
I won't make
anybody hate you.
Just relax.
Do you have
French toast?
My son doesn't like
scrambled eggs.
I like 'em.
You never
eat them.
I like 'em,
dad.
If you could
do me a favor--
here's 5 bucks.
Fry my kid
a couple eggs.
I can't touch anything
except this spoon.
I see. Well,
you're doing
a fabulous job.
I'll submit
your name
to represent
my district
in congress.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
The coffee's
pretty good, huh?
How was the water-taxi
ride, baby?
You said no one
would remember.
No more boat rides.
We won't even take
the ferry back tomorrow.
We'll swim
like dolphins.
They ran out of food.
They ran out of food?
We got prunes
and tang.
Don't combine
those two.
It could cause
a nuclear reaction
inside your stomach.
They got this food
where they got those tents.
They say make sure
you're prepared--
to order a pizza.
If you don't like it,
get out of here.
I don't
think anybody
wants to leave.
I do.
We're just
joking around.
Try that
at the firehouse.
The food's pretty bad.
Look, my kid
really looks forward
to coming here every year.
Now, I don't want it
ruined by girls
who can't stand
a little inconvenience.
Humor might
make the situation
more fun
for everybody.
It's a school camp-out.
We're not retaking
Kuwait.
You're knocking the war?
No. No, not at all.
Thank goodness
we got that emir
back on the throne.
I'm going to watch you.
Thanks.
If I do
anything funny,
take my picture.
That guy
will kill
your dad.
[Honks]
Good morning.
I'd like to make
a couple of announcements.
Announcements, announcements,
announcements
what a heck of a way
to start the day
announcements
announcements,
announce--
Oh, boy. You campers
really got me that time.
I won't make that mistake again.
I do have
just a few brief...Notices.
Please don't throw stones
into the cove.
It took mother nature
millions of years
to wash all those stones
up on the beach.
If each of us throws
six stones into the water,
there'll be no stones
left there.
And the world would
come completely
to an end.
You'll get us
in trouble!
Sorry.
Also, campers,
the west drainage basin
is now officially open
for volleyball
and, uh, other kinds of ball.
That would be
the swamp.
Dad!
Sorry.
Our first activity
this morning
is archery.
We'll see you at the range
in 10 minutes.
Did anyone find
those bows and arrows?
Right. Well,
we'll stay on top of that.
And finally,
remember
that we are guests
here at this camp,
and...and what,
campers?
Good campers
are good guests.
Leave this camp
the way you found it.
A toilet.
Dad!
Sorry again.
Nice shot!
Right in the middle!
All right!
Yeah.
They have fancy bows.
We got
this kid stuff.
They brought
their own.
Nobody said
we could do that.
We would have brought
our own.
We don't have
our own bows.
But we could have
rented some.
Have you done
this before?
Sure. A couple times.
What do I do?
Watch me
carefully, o.K.?
You simply
take the arrow
and rest
the back of it
on this little
doohickey thing
here on the bow.
Then you shoot,
right?
No. Uh, Michael, you know what
the secret to archery is?
It's mental preparation, o.K.?
You have to really
just close your eyes
and imagine the arrow
flying through the air
and hitting the target.
You look stupid.
I may look stupid,
but I'm not really stupid.
This is ancient
zen Buddhist philosophy.
This will work. Just watch.
I just draw back
on the arrow here,
and my mind is at peace--
it's better
if you're not talking--
and then--
and then I just let go.
The ancient zen masters
didn't care
if they hit the target
if their mind
was at peace.
Your turn? Sure.
O.k., carefully
take an arrow.
Put this up. O.K.
Now, just clear your mind
and let your thoughts
guide the arrow.
All right!
Practically a bull's-eye.
It's not him.
It's his equipment.
They said we weren't
supposed to use the canoes
unless somebody
was watching us.
I'm watching us.
Here,
grab an oar.
It's a paddle, dad.
Of course.
Turn around.
I could have
been
a championship
canoer
if I had done it
more than once.
All right.
O.k.,
here we go.
[Groaning]
Um, dad, we're going
to hit the rocks.
This isn't
working.
I'm paddling hard.
You're
doing great.
You know
what the secret
to canoeing is?
It's teamwork.
We paddle on
opposite sides.
That gets us
going straight.
You got it.
There's a rock under us.
Stay away
from the rocks.
Away from
the rocks.
Away from the rocks.
Say it with me.
Think zen--
think away
from rocks.
Away from the rocks.
Let the rock
hear you.
Stay away from the rocks.
O.k.,
here we go.
Go! Go!
Row!
I'm rowing!
Uh-oh!
Don't worry.
I did
this once--
in a dream.
Get away
from that rock.
I'll get us
out of this.
Here we go.
Paddle.
O.k.
Paddle, son.
I'm paddling.
Whoa!
Don't worry about it.
We're moving now.
Here we go.
I'll do
the other side.
O.k. We know
how to do this.
Excellent,
excellent.
Try
the other side.
Want to race?
You're on!
First one
to the buoy wins.
Let's not race, dad.
We have to, son.
We don't want
them to think
we're wusses.
O.k., let's
get going, boy.
O.k.
O.k.
Oh, very good.
Come on!
On your Mark,
get set, go!
Michael, give it
all you got!
I'm trying!
You're
slowing us down.
Sorry!
You're getting it
all in my glasses!
Put the paddle in.
You're
holding us back.
I'm sorry!
You're
getting
me wet!
Michael!
Oh, man,
she's way ahead.
You're getting me
soaked!
Come on! We're not
going fishing!
You're rocking
the boat, dad.
I'm not rocking
the boat.
We can't
let them win.
Michael, you're
getting it all
over my glasses!
Sorry!
You've got to steer.
You wanted
to do this!
Think zen. Think--
I'm coming up front
to steer.
Uh, dad!
You're rocking
the boat!
Whoa!
Oh! Oh!
Michael?
Dad!
Oh, now we're
in trouble.
Oh, no!
Bail.
I think we want
to go towards
shore, son.
It's that way.
Don't worry about it.
You should
have worn
your life
jacket.
I'm floating.
I got some buoyancy.
I still think
$400 is a little steep
for a 30-year-old canoe.
Attention.
the father/son penatha--
the father/son pethanta--
what's this word?
Pentathlon. Pentathlon.
You just want
to concentrate.
That's all it is.
So this is where
my breakfast went.
This will redeem us
for the canoe.
And the archery
and the water taxi.
Look, it's one race.
I'll do the best I can.
Thank you.
These things poached?
The four relays
are the first parts
of the pentath--yeah--
to be followed
by the basketball
competition
this afternoon.
Each dad and lad
will receive points
based on their times
in the relays.
We're going
to lose.
No, we're not.
I have
my master's degree.
In journalism.
We're going
to lose.
I won't be
the laughingstock
of this camp.
On your Mark...
Get set...Go!
Go! Run, dad!
I'm one with the egg.
I'm watching the egg.
Come on, dad!
Don't drop it!
Oh! Ooh, I feel like
humpty dumpty.
Come on, dad!
Let's go!
Come on, dad!
Come on, dad!
Go! Go! Go!
Go, chip! Go!
Get it by the--
put it on here!
Go! Michael, go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Pick it up!
Come on, Michael!
Pick it up!
Come on! That-away!
Come on, dad!
Watch it, kid!
Go! Go!
Come on, dad!
O.k.
Whoa!
Go, dad!
I'm fine.
O.k., get it.
O.K., my foot's stuck.
Out of his way!
Careful! Careful!
Go, chip!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Keep going!
Watch your balance!
I'll get ready
with the M&M's.
Uh! Suck, dad! Suck!
I'm sucking.
I'm sucking.
Suck, dad! Suck!
Suck harder,
dad! Suck!
Something's wrong
with my straw.
Go, dad!
Go, dad! Go! Go!
Go, Brent!
Go for it!
Go, Brent!
O.k., it's
a rhythm thing.
You're doing good.
Remember what I told you
about being zen?
I'm trying!
I'm trying!
You can't do zen
in the three-legged
race.
Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hop!
I got you.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Are you o.K.?
Did we win?
Yay! Yay!
Woo! Woo!
You all right?
Yeah.
Watch your step there.
I see a lizard.
When we get home,
I'm getting back into shape.
I'll tell your mother
to stop hanging
the dry cleaning
on the exercise bike.
We got a chance
at winning
this pentathlon
today.
The neanderthals
are only
a few points
ahead.
With basketball
this afternoon,
I can close
the gap.
You said winning
didn't matter,
that it's
just a stupid game.
I don't want you
to become
some overly
competitive
jerk.
What are you?
I'm enjoying
the weekend.
I'm having
a good time.
If we drive
that guy Chet
and his son, chip,
into the dirt,
so much the better.
I can't talk to you.
Now you sound like
your mother.
All right, men,
as quickly as you can,
let's gather down here.
Gather in here.
Now, dads and lads,
before this next activity,
I just have
one announcement.
Announcements, announcements,
announcements
what a heck of a way
to start the day
announcements
Oh, you're just
too quick for me,
but now for one of the most
unusual and exciting features
of our camp buffalo valley--
a real, authentic
abandoned silver mine.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
This is
a real silver mine
that was actually worked
first by the Spanish
in the 1700s
and then,
oh, 130 years ago
by two Americans
who really mined
real silver right here.
I'm sure you remember
our friend
Mr. George rosebrock.
Hello, George!
Gentlemen.
Hi, George. Hi, George.
Mr. Rosebrock has agreed
to take us on a tour
deep into the bowels
of this mine.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
This is so cool--
a real silver mine.
Maybe there's bats.
And salamanders.
So for those of you
who don't suffer
from claustrophobia...
Let's check out
those flashlights
and go down in the mine.
Isn't this great?
Yeah. How bad can it be?
They're letting kids
go in there.
For a mine,
it's probably
very spacious.
I'll go anywhere
I don't have to hop.
What if we
get trapped
in there?
Once on TV this guy
was checking out a mine,
and he got stuck
in this crack.
They had to
lower food and water
in a bucket.
Then the mine
collapsed,
and he was buried
alive.
Michael, please.
Nothing like that
will happen.
A friend and I
were exploring
a cave,
and he got
stuck--
will you shut up!
I'll shut up.
[Scoutmaster]
Fathers, be careful
as you enter
the mine
because
the ceiling is
very, very low.
I guess the airy,
spacious part
is inside.
I'm an old spelunker
from way back.
[George]
All right,
gentlemen,
if you're ready,
follow me
into the very bowels
of the earth.
Here we go.
[Spenser]
I'm thinking
airy, spacious--
airy and spacious.
I feel air.
It looks spacious.
[Spenser]
Duck down,
Michael.
This first shaft
was carved
by the Spanish
and their
Indian guides
some 200 years ago
out of solid rock,
and somehow
these old walls
are still
holding up.
So with any luck,
we may get
out of here
alive.
Ha ha ha!
Now, once there
was two men
that were mining
this claim,
and one of them
got to suspecting
that the other
was stealing
silver
and hiding it
in an abandoned
shaft
deep in the recesses
of the mines.
Ooh!
Deep in the mine
with no hope
of ever getting out,
they became
the mole people!
Ha ha ha!
[George]
This will be
a tight squeeze,
so watch
your heads,
and we'll
go through
one at a time.
Here we go.
Oh, boy.
If you weren't
careful,
you could
get stuck.
Come on, dad.
Hey, spense,
you o.K.?
Spenser,
spenser...
Hey, dad,
what's the matter?
Help him up,
somebody.
There's
something wrong.
What's wrong?
Scared?
Out of the way.
Spenser, spenser,
it's Aaron.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Spenser.
[Boy]
He fainted.
[Doctor]
What's
the boy's name?
[Father]
Spenser.
You have
a nasty break,
spenser.
I'll have to
set the bone,
so I want you
to put
your arm out
as straight
as you can.
This may hurt
a little.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
[Scoutmaster]
Feeling better?
[Aaron]
Too close,
huh, spense?
Where are
my glasses?
Thank you.
Where am I?
You're
in my tent.
I'm glad
you're better.
We've never had
a father faint
before.
I didn't faint.
You looked like
you fainted.
Dad, are you
o.K.?
I'm fine.
I just got
a little dizzy.
It was probably
something I ate.
It had to be.
Perhaps you should
go to your tent
and rest.
I don't need
to rest.
I'm fine.
Is it 106 in here?
I'd be o.K.
If I wasn't
in this sauna.
All right,
so, what's next?
Well, everybody's
at the beach.
Then we're there,
too.
These are
fascinating.
You ever
smell one?
I'll steal some
and put them under
your mom's nose
when she snores.
Let's get
our suits on.
Be careful, Mr. Paley.
First thing you do
is hock one in here--
some spit.
Then move that loogie
around in there.
That will clear off
your lenses.
Great.
[Michael]
Can we try
scuba diving?
Scuba diving?
You don't want
to do that.
That's very,
very dangerous.
You got to
be certified.
You need $10,000
worth of equipment.
It's very,
very dangerous.
Your mom
doesn't want us
doing that.
Snorkeling is better,
and your lungs
don't explode.
I bet I can
spot more fish
than you.
Uh, o.K.?
Yeah!
Hey, they're
loving it, man.
I can't see
anything.
It's too muddy.
I know.
This stinks.
I'm going to
mess around
with the guys.
I'll be working
on my sunburn.
Be safe.
Hey, spense.
Hey.
So, what's wrong
with scuba diving?
I don't know.
What?
Nothing's wrong
with it.
It's
a little dangerous.
A lot of things
worth doing
are dangerous.
Like what?
Like scuba diving.
There's more
adventurous ways
to spend time
with our sons
than the movies.
You know,
I'm starting
to realize
what the point
of this whole
weekend is--
to prove
we're lousy fathers.
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
Excuse me, sir.
I believe
we asked everyone
not to throw stones
into the cove.
What?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I forgot.
I will not
do it again.
I just have to
ask you
to retrieve the stone
and put it
on the beach.
You're joking.
If you
get away with it,
everybody
will throw stones.
The beach
will be destroyed.
You want me to
go into the water
and find that rock?
Yes. Or you
and your son
have to leave
the beach.
Are you
going to dust
for fingerprints
and find out
which one's mine?
Find a stone
similar
to the stone
you threw
and put that
back on the beach.
O.k. Fine.
You want
your power play?
You can have it.
I'm going in.
I'm finding
a rock.
Here's a rock
of similar size
and weight.
Call the Sierra club.
The rock is back.
That's it.
I'm sorry,
but technically
that rock
was still
on the beach.
Wade out.
Pick up a rock.
Or would you
prefer I call
the harbor patrol?
The harbor patrol?
Are you nuts?
Will they show up
in a speedboat
and arrest me?
Ow! I stepped
on something.
I've been poisoned.
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
Jellyfish!
Jellyfish!
Everyone out
of the water!
Jellyfish!
[Man]
Sam, come on!
Let's go!
Come on,
Mr. Paley.
Let's go
to first aid.
[Scoutmaster]
Come on!
I'm fine.
It's a little sting.
Brent, get out
of the water!
Michael, you and Brent
know where to find me.
Come on!
Don't hold me
so tight.
Just watch your--
I'm fine!
Ow! Jeez. Come on.
Sorry, sir. These
jellyfish stings
are nothing
to mess around with.
It's o.K.
Treating
these stings
is our policy.
What is
our next activity?
Basketball, but
I don't think--
we'll win
that pentathlon.
What about
your sting?
It's fine.
Winning
that pentathlon
is my policy.
Come on.
Call it,
Mr. Paley.
Heads--
no, tails.
Heads it is.
Half-court rules.
First team
to seven baskets wins.
[Tweet]
O.k. Listen
to me.
What we need here
is teamwork.
Pass the ball
to me.
What did he say?
Pass the ball
to him.
Just like in school.
"Don't shoot or we'll
beat you up."
Is that foot well enough
to play on?
It's fine.
Blow the whistle.
[Tweet]
Uh!
[Cheering]
The score--
Johansen, one basket
to zip.
Maybe we should
just quit now.
It's only
a game.
We're going to
win it, Michael.
You'll get him
next time.
Score--two baskets
to zip.
[Spenser]
Michael.
Don't be mad
at me.
I didn't do
anything.
I'm sorry.
Here's what
we'll do.
Let me
take a shot.
I'll pass to you.
I'll get
underneath the basket.
Shoot high
to me.
I'll just catch it
and pop it in.
Dad, I can make
the outside shot.
It's very risky.
You can't depend
on it.
You Chuck it
to me.
Go ahead and shoot.
What?
It's just like
baseball and soccer.
We're supposed to be
the ones having fun,
but they end up
telling us
what to do.
I say go for it.
Michael!
[Brent]
Come on, Michael,
let's go.
Michael!
Let's go! Let's go!
Come on, Michael!
Shoot, Michael,
shoot!
[Cheering]
Paley scores. 2-1.
You got the shot,
you take it, o.K.?
Thanks, dad.
[Tweet]
Uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
little bitty pretty one
come on and talk to me
lovey dovey lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
yeah, whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
at 10, you were still a Reed
happened a long time ago
little bitty pretty one
I've been watching you grow
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
come on and talk to me
lovey dovey lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
yeah
they're scared of you,
Michael.
They're shaking
in their sneakers.
Over here, Michael!
Uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
Mike! Mike!
Spenser! Spenser!
Loosen up!
You couldn't be tenser!
Lovey dovey lovey,
lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
whoa
Michael Paley, spenser Paley,
beat them hard
and beat them daily--everybody.
Chet, this new closeness
between us
is helping us develop
a strong relationship.
I don't want this weekend
to end. Michael!
Whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
come on, talk to me
lovey dovey lovey,
lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
whoa
uh!
Little bitty pretty one
[tweet]
Personal foul!
This could be
a lawsuit.
Hey, you o.K.?
He hit me
in the ribs.
Come here.
What should I do?
We win
or die trying.
Come on.
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
you all right?
Let's go.
Score tied,
six buckets each.
Come on, Michael!
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
come on and talk to me
lovey dovey lovey,
lovey one
Go, Michael!
Sit on my knee
whoa
whoa
little bitty pretty one
[Cheering]
In a canyon
excavating for a mine
dwelt a miner forty-niner
and his daughter Clementine
oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin'
oh, my darlin' Clementine
you are lost
and gone forever
dreadful sorry, Clementine
Ruby lips above the water
blowing bubbles
soft and fine
well, as for me,
I was no swimmer
so I lost my Clementine
oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin'
oh, my darlin' Clementine
you are lost
and gone forever
dreadful sorry, Clementine
That was nice, men.
Before the evening ends,
there are a few things
I'd like to say.
Boo!
Now, hold on a minute.
I always give a speech
at the campfire.
We're trying
to stop you.
Spenser should
give a speech.
At least
he's funny.
[Cheering]
Dad, just don't
embarrass me, o.K.?
When
have I ever--
o.k. I won't
embarrass you.
I promise.
O.K.
All right.
[Cheering]
That's
not necessary.
If you'll pardon me,
I know
what the problem is.
It's your uniform.
Did I spill
something on it?
No. If you'll
forgive me,
it separates you
from us.
We're relaxed,
sitting around
the campfire.
You look
like a cop.
What do you mean?
You need to be
a leader,
but you need
a relaxed image.
Right?
Yeah! Yeah!
What kind
of an image
would that be?
May I demonstrate
with your outfit?
Yes. Go ahead.
Let's hear it
for a good sport.
[Cheering]
Take off
your clothes.
No, no--
just your shirt.
Take off your shirt.
You're kidding.
Want him to do it?
Yeah! Yeah!
O.k. All right.
It's
a lovely shirt.
You have that
beautiful choker
with the medal--
I made that.
[Spenser]
That's fabulous.
No sweat stains.
You're impressive.
I never sweat.
Tom Jones impression.
Catch, ladies.
O.k. That looks
great.
Let's put
your suspenders
back on.
Let's go
all the way
over.
O.k. One more.
Here we go--
over again.
Isn't that fabulous?
Yeah!
That didn't hurt,
did it?
No.
And the final
finish.
Isn't that
more relaxed?
Yeah! Yeah!
[Spenser]
Should he
finish his speech?
Yeah! Yeah!
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Coming through.
Dad, he looks
like a jerk.
But did I
embarrass you?
No.
Then I kept
my promise.
[Scoutmaster]
I don't know. I...
I guess I just
wanted to say
that I know
that I will always...
Always remember
the camping trips
I took with my dad.
What was important
was that we did them
together.
That's what
these weekends
are about--
bringing fathers
and sons together.
And that's something that we
need to do once in a while.
Something
just hit me.
What?
I'm having
a really good time.
[Scoutmaster]
The games we've played--
those aren't
what matters here.
If you have gotten
to know each other
just a little bit better
and gotten just
a little bit closer,
then believe me,
this weekend
has been a success,
and you're all winners.
Now, in the morning,
we'll have
our treasure hunt
in the silver mine.
Aw, yeah.
That's awesome.
We're going
into the mine?
[Scoutmaster]
Yes, sir.
Thank you all,
and good night.
Dad, we don't have to
do the treasure hunt.
It's no big deal.
Let's not talk
about tomorrow.
This is one of
the best nights...
[Michael]
Aw, man.
What happened?
Maybe a bear
got in there.
There are
no bears here.
Maybe a cat.
I think I know
what happened.
It's just some
good-natured hazing.
We'll help you
clean up,
pitch your tent
back up.
Excuse me.
Dad, it's o.K.
Guess you thought
that was funny.
What do you mean?
You trashing my tent.
Oh, that.
It's a tradition
here.
First-time
visitors
get their tents
trashed.
I wouldn't take it
personally.
Look, if you
don't like me, that's fine,
but if you have
a problem,
don't be a coward
and go after my son.
Let's just
forget about it.
We've had
such a nice night.
Are you calling me
a coward?
Only a coward
would do that
to a kid.
Dad, come on,
don't...
Let's not
start anything here.
O.k. Michael,
let's go.
Are you running away?
Get out
of my way.
[Aaron]
Stop it!
Come on, guys.
[Michael]
Stop!
[Aaron]
Break it up.
Stop it!
[Scoutmaster]
All right, guys,
I'm not having
any of this.
Get up.
Get up.
Stop. Stop.
Stop!
[Scoutmaster]
All right, Mr. Paley,
let's go to first aid
and patch you up again.
I'm fine, Michael.
Michael!
[Aaron]
I'll go
after Michael.
Get your nose
fixed.
You're not
the first person
who's suggested that.
You know, Mr. Paley,
I'm starting to hope
that you don't
come back again next year
because this camp
can't afford
to take care of you
for another weekend.
Michael,
where were you?
I was worried.
I took a walk.
You want to go
canoeing tomorrow?
That last time was
a freak accident.
Forget it.
How about archery,
then?
We didn't really
focus on it before.
The zen thing
was fun.
I want to go home.
Why? We've still got
another day.
I want to go home!
En garde, dad.
Oh!
Hey, Michael...
Look,
I've been a jerk
this weekend.
I know that.
I'm not that good
at this dad stuff,
but if there's one thing
I've learned this weekend,
I've realized
it doesn't matter
what happened to me
as a kid.
I'm here to help you
become a man.
I'm scared that
if you and I
don't work this out
while you're still my boy,
one day you'll have to
come back here
or a place like this
by yourself.
Look, dad,
I don't want to
hear about it.
Listen to me.
You might not
understand
what I'm trying
to tell you,
but sorting
this stuff out
when you're
a grownup--
it's harder
than you can imagine.
I still want
to go home.
Look...
If I go
in the mine
and we look
for treasure,
will you finish
the weekend?
You'll just
faint again.
Then I'll sniff
my smelling salts
and pull myself
together.
I want us
to find that treasure.
You two going back?
O.k.
Thank you.
We've changed
our minds.
That will still be $3.00.
No problem.
Each.
All right,
here you go.
That's a good boy
you got.
You're lucky.
I know.
Just in case.
Thanks.
O.k., Michael,
let's go.
Michael?
Michael, you know,
you could help me.
You could help me
sometimes.
Just grab
a sleeping bag.
You have 30 minutes.
Watch out for bats.
May the best pair win.
[Tweet]
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
I'm right
behind you,
buddy.
Aw, again.
Again.
Watch your head,
dad.
Are you o.K.?
Yeah, I'm fine,
Michael.
Should we
go back?
No.
No. Let's keep going.
Dad, look.
These boards
are loose.
They might be
holding this place up.
There's
another tunnel
in here.
Yeah. Let's
keep going,
o.K., Michael?
Somebody stuck
these here.
They're
not nailed.
Leave them alone.
The treasure's here.
These boards
are to fool us.
This isn't
a good idea.
Michael.
I'm positive.
Come on.
Come on, dad.
Michael!
Michael...
Michael!
Come on, dad.
Down here.
Michael,
maybe we should
be heading back.
I'm sure
it's down here.
Agh!
What's wrong?
Just a spider web.
Remember,
your mother
would be going
nuts now.
Let's go.
Is the tunnel
getting narrower?
I see a light.
That's exciting.
Don't move.
You can kill it
with this.
No, I can't.
O.k. Here.
What kind of
snake is that?
Looks like
a kingsnake.
Great.
That relaxes me.
All right!
Did I kill it?
Here.
Don't pick
it up!
It's rubber.
What?
Well, somebody's
going to get
sued.
They put it there
to scare us.
We're
in the right place.
I think
you're right.
Excellent, dude.
Cool!
Let's go.
Cool.
This is
the first mine
I've seen
that wasn't built
by Spielberg.
Look at that.
Looks like
someone lived here.
Yeah, but
not recently.
Look.
Roast mutton.
Hey, look.
Somebody's
a real comedian.
Ah!
Michael.
Treasure.
Ha ha ha!
Real gold!
Well, I don't know
about that, son.
Look.
Here you go.
What do
you think?
Delicious.
We found it.
All right!
We were here
first.
That's true.
You can't
have it.
What are you
doing? Hey--
uh!
Aagh!
Ow!
Uh!
Aah!
Agh!
Uh!
Get off me!
Dad! Dad!
Dad, are you o.K.?
Hey, answer me!
Aah!
Get them! Get them!
Michael,
are you o.K.?
I think.
Chip?
Dad,
are you o.K.?
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah.
How about you?
I don't know.
I think I'm stuck.
How about you?
I think I'm fine.
Dad, where are we?
I don't know.
Hold on.
Let me get around here...
Get around, chip.
Wait a minute.
Whoa.
Don't anybody
look down.
We're in some sort
of cavern...
A very deep cavern.
[Crack]
Let's get off
this ledge.
I'm scared, dad.
We'll get you
out of here.
All right, everybody
just stay calm.
You're the fireman.
What do we do?
[Wood cracks]
This won't hold
our weight long.
Are we going to die,
dad?
No. No.
No, we're not.
Uh...o.k.,
see that timber?
If I slide it over,
maybe I can get
your leg out
and boost you up.
O.k., let's go.
Hold
this flashlight.
Don't take it off,
o.K.?
Shine it right
on his foot.
You guys
hug the wall.
[Wood bangs]
Hold on.
O.k.
Hold on.
1, 2, 3.
Aah!
O.k., can you put
your weight on it?
I don't know yet.
I think so.
Come on.
We got to hurry.
Can you put
weight on it?
Yeah.
I'll boost you out.
You can get
the kids out.
Hold each other.
Let's move it.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
O.K.
1, 2...
Uh!
O.k.
You o.K.?
I got you.
You're
doing great.
Be careful, dad.
Careful, now.
O.k.
Got it?
Yeah.
Do it. Push.
You ready?
1, 2, 3!
Uh!
I got it.
Pull yourself up.
Get your other
foot up.
O.k., o.K.
Get the boys.
Pass me the boys,
quick.
Come on, chip.
Michael,
hold this.
O.k.
I got it.
Come on.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
Hold on
to that peg there.
You o.K., Michael?
Chip, just keep
looking up here.
I got you, man.
A little more, son.
Careful
the way you're
straddling this.
Don't get
a splinter.
All right,
that's it.
That's it,
buddy.
Give me your hand.
Right here, buddy.
O.k.!
Got him?
Yeah, I got him.
We're almost
out of here.
Give me the light.
O.K., hold on.
Come over here,
son. O.K.
Dad!
I'm scared, dad.
You're fine.
I got you.
Chet, don't leave.
We're out of here.
Come on.
There you go.
Keep going.
Take my hand.
Pull yourself up.
Up.
You can do it. O.K.
Pull yourself up.
A couple more feet.
You're almost
out of here.
Grab ahold
of Chet's hand.
That's it, son.
I got him.
O.k., spenser.
Give me your hand.
I love
a camping trip.
I got you.
Come on, dad.
Dad!
Let's get out of here.
Hey...
You, uh...
Saved my kid's life.
Thanks.
Let's go, son.
[Scoutmaster]
And the treasure hunt
winners are...
Michael Paley
and his dad spenser!
Come on up, now.
Come on up.
Your names
will be engraved
on our perpetual
plaque,
and it will be
displayed
prominently
in the lobby
of the school
for everyone
to see.
Now...
Spense! Spense!
Spense!
Now, this year,
we have
a special award
for heroism.
In recognition
of their courage,
we're giving
the paleys
each a special medal
for bravery...
Thank you.
And service to their
fellow campers.
All right!
Congratulations.
Way to go,
spense.
Thanks, dude.
I'm going to
miss you guys.
Maybe we'll do it
again next year.
Ha ha ha!
No hard feelings?
No.
Acting like a wimp
doesn't mean
you are one.
Acting like a macho--
let me put it
another way.
I understand
why this place
means so much to you.
It means a lot to me,
too, now.
I'm glad.
It's the place
where I had the worst
scrambled eggs ever.
Men, let's get
this gear
to the truck.
Everybody pitches in. Come on!
Let's go!
Michael! Michael!
We fell down
a secret passageway
and got stuck
in a cavern.
We could have died,
but dad saved us.
We got medals
for being heroes.
Wow, that's great!
I'm not kidding.
It really happened.
Well,
I believe you.
She doesn't
believe us, dad.
That's her problem.
We both know what happened.
We know we're heroes.
Yeah, we know.
I said
I believed you.
Look at the time.
You got school tomorrow.
Time for bed.
O.k.
I'll come
tuck you in.
Mom, I don't need
to be tucked in anymore.
I'm a hero.
There isn't really
an abandoned mine
on Catalina island,
is there?
Just a small one,
the normal kind--
dark, dank,
low ceilings, narrow,
dripping fluids
from the ceiling.
And you went in there,
with your claustrophobia?
Actually, I got over it.
It, uh, didn't really
bother me that much.
And you got
trapped in there
on a ledge over
a bottomless cavern,
and you saved
Michael's life
and the life of
another man and his son?
I did what any
seasoned outdoorsman
would have done.
This isn't a psych,
is it?
They gave me a medal,
didn't they?
Well, all right!
Ha ha ha!
Does this mean
we can go camping
in yosemite
this summer?
With 10 million
other people
in motor homes
and generators
and lawn chairs?
O.k., I'll think
about it.
I got to tell you.
This was great.
It was like
a Greek myth.
O.k., maybe
not exactly,
but...i really want
to thank you
for making me go.
It was one
of the best things
you've done
for Michael
and for me.
Thank you.
Well, you're welcome.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
This was just
the beginning.
Michael and I will
spend more guy time
together.
We'll go
to baseball games
and basketball
games.
Great.
Michael will love that.
Next weekend,
we start our scuba
diving lessons.
Let's check
on our kid.
Sc-scuba diving?
I'm glad
you guys bonded
and everything,
but when I said
you should do
guy things,
I meant like
playing catch
in the driveway.
Aw...
Good night, pal.
So what do you think
of white-water rafting?
This is what
you always do--
you get
a good idea
and go overboard
with it.
It's a nice way to relax
after bungee jumping.
Let's talk
about this.
Let's go, let's go!
Get them, Michael!
Go, Michael.
Ian, get to the ball!
Alec, run!
If you won't run,
get off the field!
Can you believe
he's humiliating a kid?
It's not the world cup.
They're just kids!
Shh!
Kid probably
didn't want to play.
Honey, look.
It's Michael.
Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
Get him, Michael!
Get him
but be careful!
Go, Michael! Go! Go!
Go, Michael.
Son, let the other boys
get hurt, too.
Get it!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
He's open!
I sense
an injury developing.
Go and get it!
Hurry up!
Hurry!
Come on! Get it!
Michael,
you can get him!
Uh!
Hurry up!
Come on!
Oh! Oh, foul!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Are you o.K.,
baby?
How many fingers
is this?
Three.
Are you o.K.?
He hit me in the ribs.
Get back
in there
and get even,
all right?
What do you think
I should do, dad?
I think you should stay here
and catch your breath.
It's just a stupid game.
I was trying
to protect him.
Oh, come on.
He's shooting
baskets now?
Yeah, he's upset.
He shoots baskets
when he's upset.
See, this is
what I hate
about sports.
A few kids
feel great.
Everybody else feels
like garbage.
It's not just sports.
You need to spend
more time with him.
I just took him
to the movies
yesterday.
I mean guy stuff.
Oh, boy.
This isn't about
going camping again,
is it?
I see him
on the playground.
He lacks confidence
around the boys.
Donna, he's
just like me.
He's artistic.
Not everybody's
cut out
for that
Steven seagal stuff.
There is a place
in the world
for sensitive men,
you know--
Michelangelo,
Da Vinci, Mozart,
bill moyers.
We've all made
our contribution
without killing
an animal.
I just think he needs
more male-oriented
activities
to boost his self-esteem.
Otherwise,
he could end up like...
Like me?
I didn't say that.
You were
thinking it.
I was trying not to.
So, what are you saying?
I'm failing him
as a father?
Oh,
of course not.
You're
a wonderful
father
in most ways.
You took him
miniature
golfing
15 times
last year.
In a couple sundays,
I'll take him
in the mountains,
and we'll go hiking.
That would be
a start. Good.
I got plenty
of male animal in me.
Oh, you do?
I've demonstrated that
to you.
Ha ha ha!
Mmm.
Talk to him
during dinner.
Tell him something
to make him feel better.
You can count on me.
You know who
the biggest sports fans are?
Orthopedic surgeons.
They make a fortune
sewing these guys up.
One shot in the knees,
and the guy's finished--
2 minutes of glory,
40 years of agony.
Thanks.
Want some more?
No.
Why don't you
show him that
letter, hmm?
What letter?
You and Michael
have been
invited
to go on
a camping trip.
Camping trip?
Mm-hmm.
Who would invite me
on a camping trip?
My school.
Your entire school
is going camping?
No. Just his class.
The boys
and their fathers
have been
invited to go
to Catalina island
for the weekend
to camp buffalo
valley.
No kidding.
Mmm. It's called
a dad and lad
weekend.
Isn't that cute?
Oh, that's adorable.
They'll sleep
in tents.
Wow--tents.
I guess you
want to go on this.
Of course
he wants to go.
He doesn't want to be
the only boy who doesn't go.
I was asking Michael.
All the other kids
are going.
With their fathers.
It would look
really bad
if Michael
didn't show up.
Right.
It would be terrible
if you were the only kid
that didn't go.
The other fathers are going?
All of them.
Well, then we'll go, too.
This isn't a psych?
No. No, not at all.
It'll be fun.
I've never slept
in a tent before.
Yeah, and you know,
I hear Catalina island
is beautiful.
Movie stars go there.
Hey, we'll do it--
rock-'n'-roll.
This is going to be
so cool, dad.
I'm going to go call
all my friends.
I'm going to die over there.
You know that.
Do me a favor.
Could you pack
my aspirin,
insect repellent,
and allergy medicine
and a cyanide pill
in case things
get bad?
It's two nights
on Catalina island.
Two nights
where I won't get
a wink of sleep.
I get claustrophobic
inside a sleeping bag.
Inside
a sleeping bag.
That's why
I wouldn't go
to Woodstock.
No sleep--
that won't kill you.
I really feel like
a wuss.
You might enjoy this.
I spent
one day in camp
my entire
childhood.
I know. And a bully
ate your lunch
and stole
your pocketknife.
Your mother
said you didn't
have to go back.
Your father was
too busy drinking
to care,
and that's why you're
the bundle of neuroses
that you are today.
Help me.
I am not whining.
Actually,
I'm grateful
for my neuroses,
you know.
I'm a writer.
I depend
on traumatic
childhood memories
in order to be
creative.
Times like this,
though,
I wish
I was more like
your brother--
brain-dead
and devoid
of emotion.
[Michael]
I'm ready!
All right. Me, too--
raring to go.
I'd rather get
a prostate exam
than go
on this trip.
I hate that
about myself.
I'm working
on liking myself
better.
I'm working
on everything.
Well, your father
survived the korean war.
I'm sure
you'll survive this.
My father won
the korean war
single-handedly.
I wish
he were alive
to take Michael
to camp.
He'd jump
out of the plane
to get there.
Go!
All right, Donna,
if they
medevac me back,
take me to ucla,
not some clinic
with people who have
tuberculosis.
You got it,
stud.
Catalina island,
here we come.
Man, here we go.
You have
fun, o.K.?
Buckle up.
Bye, honey.
Why did they
have to pick
a Friday night
for this trip?
The whole city
left town
on a Friday
night.
Oh, man.
What are you
looking at?
What's this for?
Uh, never mind.
If somebody beats me up,
can we go home?
I was going
to ask you
the same question.
Michael,
nobody's going
to beat you up.
I remember a time
a bully beat me up.
My dad
started giving me
boxing lessons.
That's why I had
these bonded.
We're never
going to move.
Oh, great.
Would you look
at this guy's truck?
What's the point
of having that
in Los Angeles?
That's chip Johansen
and his dad.
They're going
on the trip.
Why does he need
a four-wheel drive?
To survive the savage
wilderness of Burbank?
Dad, you're
not going to put
everybody down
over there, right?
No, of course not.
You know how when we
go out for a pizza,
and you get mad because we have
to wait a long time,
and you complain
to the manager?
You're not going
to do that at camp, right?
This is
just a weekend.
I'm totally
chilled out.
Nothing will
bother me, o.K.?
The guy's got
14 extra headlights.
Where's he going?
To Jupiter?
[Honk honk]
Hey, you guys,
watch where you're going!
Oh, man.
Look at this place.
Hey, ed, are you
sailing tomorrow night?
Can you believe this?
I give up.
Oh, god.
I don't know.
Your mother said--
Michael! Michael!
I could use a hand here.
Don't worry about me.
I live for your pleasure.
O.k.
Excuse me.
Hey, over there!
Give me it!
Excuse me.
Oh, man! Ugh!
Oh, gosh! Ugh!
Have a little accident?
I think I'm fine.
Let me help you out--
always prepared.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh...
Have we ever met
before?
Third-grade parents' day.
Oh, that's right.
You're, like,
an FBI agent.
Deputy sheriff.
I think you
got that. Thank you.
You're a musician
or something?
I'm a writer.
Yeah, I knew it was
some hippie job.
Uh, so, uh,
you guys going
camping, too?
Mother/daughter camp-out.
These broads
drive me nuts.
They can't go anywhere
without their hair-dryers.
You know the type.
Yeah.
Jo and me--we brought
our rock-climbing gear,
survival tents,
hiking boots.
We'll do some exploring,
right, Jo?
Catch you later, bud.
Take care.
Hey, dad, the boat--
it's so cool.
The trip
takes three hours.
You're kidding.
Want pizza?
No.
I just had some.
[Horn blows]
Attention, please.
The Catalina express...
That's us.
What did he say?
Just tell them you're
in the fourth grade.
Michael, I could use
some help here.
Thank you. Thanks.
Thank you, son.
Proceed to the loading dock.
Yeah, I got it.
All right, campers.
Just stack your gear
neatly in the pile
inside the boat.
Now, I hope everyone
remembered
to write their names
on their sleeping bags.
We're all friends here,
but no sense setting the table
for temptation.
Know what I mean?
Michael, you
could carry
something.
I don't want to go.
You were looking
forward to this.
I changed my mind.
Look, your mother
says we have to go,
so we're going.
Hike!
Oh!
Boy in the water!
Just hang on
a second.
Boy in the water!
[Blowing whistle]
Who is that kid?
I'll pull you in.
This is no way
to start the weekend, son!
This is
a good place.
Let's sit
by the window.
The sun
will set soon--
great time
to start
a three-hour
boat trip.
Hi. Mind if we buddy up
with you guys?
Oh, gee,
that'd be perfect.
Great.
[Horn blows]
We're going to move!
Brent, you're
going to lose--
hi. I'm Aaron deutsch.
Spenser Paley.
You're the writer,
aren't you?
Want to make
something of it?
No. That's great.
You're doing
what you want.
I'm a film editor--
well, I was.
I'm trying to move
into commercial
real estate,
which is crazy--
the economy
being what it is--
but you got to pay
the bills.
That's what life's
all about--
trying to make
the best of things
after you fail
at what you love.
Michael, want to get
something to eat,
son?
Sure.
Anybody catch
the Dodgers'
score?
Not that I think
they won today.
The line-up
isn't hitting
worth anything.
I'm hanging in
for football
season.
Know
what I mean?
Yeah. I'm going to get
some food. Excuse me.
Avoid the chili.
The burritos
are good.
[Burp]
Hi. Which are better--
the ranch-style
salad-dressing
potato chips
or the onion-soup-dip
flavored potato chips?
You know what? I'll take one of
each and two root beers.
Hi.
I'm married.
[Bag rustling]
I'm sorry.
[Crunching loudly]
[Horn honking]
We're here--Catalina island!
Wake up, you sleepyheads!
Grab your gear
and assemble on deck.
The fun begins now.
Come on, Michael.
We're here.
The fun begins now.
What time
is it?
Oh, jeez, it's
almost midnight.
It's crazy to keep
10-year-olds up
this late.
We'll get to bed soon.
Come on.
There it is!
Hey, watch
who you're pushing.
This is it?
I feel like we're
landing in Vietnam.
You were in 'nam?
No. It was all volunteer
by the time I came up.
How about you?
Marines.
My father was
in desert storm.
Wow. Great job.
He's
a fire fighter
and a paramedic.
If I burst
into flames here,
I'll call you.
Come on, chip.
Let's go get
our stuff.
Step out.
You got everything?
This is so neat.
Where's
our flashlight, dad?
Dump your gear
under the sign
and wait at the end
of the road.
Dump your gear
under the sign
and wait at the end
of the road.
Dump your sign--
I mean gear--
under the sign
and wait at the end
of the road.
Dump your sign--
whatever.
[Blows whistle]
Put your gear
under the sign
and gather on the road.
Why?
We're trying to stick
to a schedule, sir.
We'd all like
to get to bed soon.
Where is the camp?
I can't see anything.
[Horn honks]
Let's bring that truck
down here now.
Everyone,
get off the road.
Watch out
for this drop-off here.
Bring it down here.
You having
a good time,
Michael?
This is cool,
huh?
Oh, yeah.
Let's all pitch in
and toss this gear
into the truck.
We just finished tossing it
on the ground.
Do what he says.
Sometimes, it's important
to question authority.
But all the time?
That's it.
Everybody
pitches in.
Everybody helps.
As soon as we get
the truck loaded,
we can hike to the camp.
Hike?
For those of you
on your first visit here,
the road gets narrow,
especially where it winds
along the cliffs.
This is insane.
Dad, be quiet!
So make sure you all have
your flashlights.
If we keep up a good pace,
we should meet the truck
in the camp
in, oh, 45 minutes.
You'll have
all these kids
taking a hike
in the middle
of the night?
Who's the wimp?
Dad,
I'm not tired.
Can't we take
the truck?
Because my arches--
that's a good point.
For insurance reasons,
no one can ride
in the truck.
But it's
o.K. To hike
in total darkness?
Toss the wuss
back on the ferry!
Dad, you're
embarrassing me.
Don't worry.
Why can't we
take a ride
in those boats
over there?
Sir, the water taxis
are to take the girls
to their camp.
Why is this idiot
in charge?
You'd want to be?
[Blows whistle]
Take off, driver.
If everybody's ready,
let's light up
those flashlights
and get marching--
two by two,
quick time. Ho!
[Blowing whistle]
Come on!
Check it out!
It's
a 45-minute hike.
The camp's
a couple miles away.
What other choice
do we have?
You know,
$50 for all 4 of us
wasn't bad.
Sir, I guess
you probably make
a lot of money
doing this.
The little guy
Peter out?
My daddy
didn't want us--
Michael,
try and relax, son.
You're very,
very tired.
Tomorrow morning,
nobody will remember
that we didn't hike
over with them, o.K.?
Just rest, my son.
Careful.
So this is it?
We don't
have to walk
any further?
Well, this is it--
what there is
left of it.
Thanks for
the ride.
In case you want
to leave early,
call me.
Thank you.
Good night.
I guess
all our problems
are over now.
Can we go home now?
Come on. Let's go, guys.
Gee, it's dark.
Ow!
What happened?
I stepped
on something.
What?
Do we want to know?
Here's a tent.
Now I know
what they did
with the equipment
from the Spanish-
American war.
Great. This must be
the four-star
dining accommodations.
Hey, there's
our stuff.
There is a god.
O.k., there it is.
There it is.
Thanks.
We're here first.
We can pick
the best tent.
They're
all the same.
Oh.
So, what do you think?
You know, maybe we should
look for a better one.
Michael?
I guess this one's fine.
O.k.
Aw.
O.k., Michael.
[Kiss]
[Zipping up sleeping bag]
I knew this was
going to happen.
No. No, thank you.
[Cough cough]
Ahem.
[Clunk]
[Squeaking]
Please don't let it
rain tonight.
Michael?
Michael, wake up.
What?
We lived
through the night.
Come on.
Let's go hit
the showers.
I smell like
a bait boat.
Michael,
don't do that.
You're not home.
Get up.
Michael?
Michael?
There's only
one stall open.
O.k.
Watch it.
It's slippery.
How you doing?
Fabulous.
I'll bring my wife here
for our anniversary.
Funny guy.
Keep your
flip-flops on,
all right?
O.k., dad.
Turn it on
all the way.
It's on all the way.
You're kidding.
I don't feel dirty.
You feel that dirty?
No.
Let's go.
I don't know.
Probably pancakes
or something.
It's been
about six hours.
They were supposed
to serve breakfast
at 7:30.
It's almost 8:00.
You said nothing
would bother you.
Anybody get
any sleep?
Michael slept
pretty well.
You snored.
I slept?
The cots are hard.
Our floor is wet.
Don't be a wuss.
Stop that.
He is.
Fine.
Don't call him that.
Crickets
in our tent
drove me nuts.
Good morning, men!
Good morning.
It's been a half-hour.
When do we eat?
We're working on it.
How do you
work on breakfast?
Just burn some toast
and throw it at us.
[Laughter]
I'm sure
it'll be
just a few
minutes more.
That's my gym teacher.
I have him all year.
Don't make him hate me.
I won't make
anybody hate you.
Just relax.
Do you have
French toast?
My son doesn't like
scrambled eggs.
I like 'em.
You never
eat them.
I like 'em,
dad.
If you could
do me a favor--
here's 5 bucks.
Fry my kid
a couple eggs.
I can't touch anything
except this spoon.
I see. Well,
you're doing
a fabulous job.
I'll submit
your name
to represent
my district
in congress.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
The coffee's
pretty good, huh?
How was the water-taxi
ride, baby?
You said no one
would remember.
No more boat rides.
We won't even take
the ferry back tomorrow.
We'll swim
like dolphins.
They ran out of food.
They ran out of food?
We got prunes
and tang.
Don't combine
those two.
It could cause
a nuclear reaction
inside your stomach.
They got this food
where they got those tents.
They say make sure
you're prepared--
to order a pizza.
If you don't like it,
get out of here.
I don't
think anybody
wants to leave.
I do.
We're just
joking around.
Try that
at the firehouse.
The food's pretty bad.
Look, my kid
really looks forward
to coming here every year.
Now, I don't want it
ruined by girls
who can't stand
a little inconvenience.
Humor might
make the situation
more fun
for everybody.
It's a school camp-out.
We're not retaking
Kuwait.
You're knocking the war?
No. No, not at all.
Thank goodness
we got that emir
back on the throne.
I'm going to watch you.
Thanks.
If I do
anything funny,
take my picture.
That guy
will kill
your dad.
[Honks]
Good morning.
I'd like to make
a couple of announcements.
Announcements, announcements,
announcements
what a heck of a way
to start the day
announcements
announcements,
announce--
Oh, boy. You campers
really got me that time.
I won't make that mistake again.
I do have
just a few brief...Notices.
Please don't throw stones
into the cove.
It took mother nature
millions of years
to wash all those stones
up on the beach.
If each of us throws
six stones into the water,
there'll be no stones
left there.
And the world would
come completely
to an end.
You'll get us
in trouble!
Sorry.
Also, campers,
the west drainage basin
is now officially open
for volleyball
and, uh, other kinds of ball.
That would be
the swamp.
Dad!
Sorry.
Our first activity
this morning
is archery.
We'll see you at the range
in 10 minutes.
Did anyone find
those bows and arrows?
Right. Well,
we'll stay on top of that.
And finally,
remember
that we are guests
here at this camp,
and...and what,
campers?
Good campers
are good guests.
Leave this camp
the way you found it.
A toilet.
Dad!
Sorry again.
Nice shot!
Right in the middle!
All right!
Yeah.
They have fancy bows.
We got
this kid stuff.
They brought
their own.
Nobody said
we could do that.
We would have brought
our own.
We don't have
our own bows.
But we could have
rented some.
Have you done
this before?
Sure. A couple times.
What do I do?
Watch me
carefully, o.K.?
You simply
take the arrow
and rest
the back of it
on this little
doohickey thing
here on the bow.
Then you shoot,
right?
No. Uh, Michael, you know what
the secret to archery is?
It's mental preparation, o.K.?
You have to really
just close your eyes
and imagine the arrow
flying through the air
and hitting the target.
You look stupid.
I may look stupid,
but I'm not really stupid.
This is ancient
zen Buddhist philosophy.
This will work. Just watch.
I just draw back
on the arrow here,
and my mind is at peace--
it's better
if you're not talking--
and then--
and then I just let go.
The ancient zen masters
didn't care
if they hit the target
if their mind
was at peace.
Your turn? Sure.
O.k., carefully
take an arrow.
Put this up. O.K.
Now, just clear your mind
and let your thoughts
guide the arrow.
All right!
Practically a bull's-eye.
It's not him.
It's his equipment.
They said we weren't
supposed to use the canoes
unless somebody
was watching us.
I'm watching us.
Here,
grab an oar.
It's a paddle, dad.
Of course.
Turn around.
I could have
been
a championship
canoer
if I had done it
more than once.
All right.
O.k.,
here we go.
[Groaning]
Um, dad, we're going
to hit the rocks.
This isn't
working.
I'm paddling hard.
You're
doing great.
You know
what the secret
to canoeing is?
It's teamwork.
We paddle on
opposite sides.
That gets us
going straight.
You got it.
There's a rock under us.
Stay away
from the rocks.
Away from
the rocks.
Away from the rocks.
Say it with me.
Think zen--
think away
from rocks.
Away from the rocks.
Let the rock
hear you.
Stay away from the rocks.
O.k.,
here we go.
Go! Go!
Row!
I'm rowing!
Uh-oh!
Don't worry.
I did
this once--
in a dream.
Get away
from that rock.
I'll get us
out of this.
Here we go.
Paddle.
O.k.
Paddle, son.
I'm paddling.
Whoa!
Don't worry about it.
We're moving now.
Here we go.
I'll do
the other side.
O.k. We know
how to do this.
Excellent,
excellent.
Try
the other side.
Want to race?
You're on!
First one
to the buoy wins.
Let's not race, dad.
We have to, son.
We don't want
them to think
we're wusses.
O.k., let's
get going, boy.
O.k.
O.k.
Oh, very good.
Come on!
On your Mark,
get set, go!
Michael, give it
all you got!
I'm trying!
You're
slowing us down.
Sorry!
You're getting it
all in my glasses!
Put the paddle in.
You're
holding us back.
I'm sorry!
You're
getting
me wet!
Michael!
Oh, man,
she's way ahead.
You're getting me
soaked!
Come on! We're not
going fishing!
You're rocking
the boat, dad.
I'm not rocking
the boat.
We can't
let them win.
Michael, you're
getting it all
over my glasses!
Sorry!
You've got to steer.
You wanted
to do this!
Think zen. Think--
I'm coming up front
to steer.
Uh, dad!
You're rocking
the boat!
Whoa!
Oh! Oh!
Michael?
Dad!
Oh, now we're
in trouble.
Oh, no!
Bail.
I think we want
to go towards
shore, son.
It's that way.
Don't worry about it.
You should
have worn
your life
jacket.
I'm floating.
I got some buoyancy.
I still think
$400 is a little steep
for a 30-year-old canoe.
Attention.
the father/son penatha--
the father/son pethanta--
what's this word?
Pentathlon. Pentathlon.
You just want
to concentrate.
That's all it is.
So this is where
my breakfast went.
This will redeem us
for the canoe.
And the archery
and the water taxi.
Look, it's one race.
I'll do the best I can.
Thank you.
These things poached?
The four relays
are the first parts
of the pentath--yeah--
to be followed
by the basketball
competition
this afternoon.
Each dad and lad
will receive points
based on their times
in the relays.
We're going
to lose.
No, we're not.
I have
my master's degree.
In journalism.
We're going
to lose.
I won't be
the laughingstock
of this camp.
On your Mark...
Get set...Go!
Go! Run, dad!
I'm one with the egg.
I'm watching the egg.
Come on, dad!
Don't drop it!
Oh! Ooh, I feel like
humpty dumpty.
Come on, dad!
Let's go!
Come on, dad!
Come on, dad!
Go! Go! Go!
Go, chip! Go!
Get it by the--
put it on here!
Go! Michael, go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Pick it up!
Come on, Michael!
Pick it up!
Come on! That-away!
Come on, dad!
Watch it, kid!
Go! Go!
Come on, dad!
O.k.
Whoa!
Go, dad!
I'm fine.
O.k., get it.
O.K., my foot's stuck.
Out of his way!
Careful! Careful!
Go, chip!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Keep going!
Watch your balance!
I'll get ready
with the M&M's.
Uh! Suck, dad! Suck!
I'm sucking.
I'm sucking.
Suck, dad! Suck!
Suck harder,
dad! Suck!
Something's wrong
with my straw.
Go, dad!
Go, dad! Go! Go!
Go, Brent!
Go for it!
Go, Brent!
O.k., it's
a rhythm thing.
You're doing good.
Remember what I told you
about being zen?
I'm trying!
I'm trying!
You can't do zen
in the three-legged
race.
Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hop!
I got you.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Are you o.K.?
Did we win?
Yay! Yay!
Woo! Woo!
You all right?
Yeah.
Watch your step there.
I see a lizard.
When we get home,
I'm getting back into shape.
I'll tell your mother
to stop hanging
the dry cleaning
on the exercise bike.
We got a chance
at winning
this pentathlon
today.
The neanderthals
are only
a few points
ahead.
With basketball
this afternoon,
I can close
the gap.
You said winning
didn't matter,
that it's
just a stupid game.
I don't want you
to become
some overly
competitive
jerk.
What are you?
I'm enjoying
the weekend.
I'm having
a good time.
If we drive
that guy Chet
and his son, chip,
into the dirt,
so much the better.
I can't talk to you.
Now you sound like
your mother.
All right, men,
as quickly as you can,
let's gather down here.
Gather in here.
Now, dads and lads,
before this next activity,
I just have
one announcement.
Announcements, announcements,
announcements
what a heck of a way
to start the day
announcements
Oh, you're just
too quick for me,
but now for one of the most
unusual and exciting features
of our camp buffalo valley--
a real, authentic
abandoned silver mine.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
This is
a real silver mine
that was actually worked
first by the Spanish
in the 1700s
and then,
oh, 130 years ago
by two Americans
who really mined
real silver right here.
I'm sure you remember
our friend
Mr. George rosebrock.
Hello, George!
Gentlemen.
Hi, George. Hi, George.
Mr. Rosebrock has agreed
to take us on a tour
deep into the bowels
of this mine.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
This is so cool--
a real silver mine.
Maybe there's bats.
And salamanders.
So for those of you
who don't suffer
from claustrophobia...
Let's check out
those flashlights
and go down in the mine.
Isn't this great?
Yeah. How bad can it be?
They're letting kids
go in there.
For a mine,
it's probably
very spacious.
I'll go anywhere
I don't have to hop.
What if we
get trapped
in there?
Once on TV this guy
was checking out a mine,
and he got stuck
in this crack.
They had to
lower food and water
in a bucket.
Then the mine
collapsed,
and he was buried
alive.
Michael, please.
Nothing like that
will happen.
A friend and I
were exploring
a cave,
and he got
stuck--
will you shut up!
I'll shut up.
[Scoutmaster]
Fathers, be careful
as you enter
the mine
because
the ceiling is
very, very low.
I guess the airy,
spacious part
is inside.
I'm an old spelunker
from way back.
[George]
All right,
gentlemen,
if you're ready,
follow me
into the very bowels
of the earth.
Here we go.
[Spenser]
I'm thinking
airy, spacious--
airy and spacious.
I feel air.
It looks spacious.
[Spenser]
Duck down,
Michael.
This first shaft
was carved
by the Spanish
and their
Indian guides
some 200 years ago
out of solid rock,
and somehow
these old walls
are still
holding up.
So with any luck,
we may get
out of here
alive.
Ha ha ha!
Now, once there
was two men
that were mining
this claim,
and one of them
got to suspecting
that the other
was stealing
silver
and hiding it
in an abandoned
shaft
deep in the recesses
of the mines.
Ooh!
Deep in the mine
with no hope
of ever getting out,
they became
the mole people!
Ha ha ha!
[George]
This will be
a tight squeeze,
so watch
your heads,
and we'll
go through
one at a time.
Here we go.
Oh, boy.
If you weren't
careful,
you could
get stuck.
Come on, dad.
Hey, spense,
you o.K.?
Spenser,
spenser...
Hey, dad,
what's the matter?
Help him up,
somebody.
There's
something wrong.
What's wrong?
Scared?
Out of the way.
Spenser, spenser,
it's Aaron.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Spenser.
[Boy]
He fainted.
[Doctor]
What's
the boy's name?
[Father]
Spenser.
You have
a nasty break,
spenser.
I'll have to
set the bone,
so I want you
to put
your arm out
as straight
as you can.
This may hurt
a little.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
Be a man,
son.
[Scoutmaster]
Feeling better?
[Aaron]
Too close,
huh, spense?
Where are
my glasses?
Thank you.
Where am I?
You're
in my tent.
I'm glad
you're better.
We've never had
a father faint
before.
I didn't faint.
You looked like
you fainted.
Dad, are you
o.K.?
I'm fine.
I just got
a little dizzy.
It was probably
something I ate.
It had to be.
Perhaps you should
go to your tent
and rest.
I don't need
to rest.
I'm fine.
Is it 106 in here?
I'd be o.K.
If I wasn't
in this sauna.
All right,
so, what's next?
Well, everybody's
at the beach.
Then we're there,
too.
These are
fascinating.
You ever
smell one?
I'll steal some
and put them under
your mom's nose
when she snores.
Let's get
our suits on.
Be careful, Mr. Paley.
First thing you do
is hock one in here--
some spit.
Then move that loogie
around in there.
That will clear off
your lenses.
Great.
[Michael]
Can we try
scuba diving?
Scuba diving?
You don't want
to do that.
That's very,
very dangerous.
You got to
be certified.
You need $10,000
worth of equipment.
It's very,
very dangerous.
Your mom
doesn't want us
doing that.
Snorkeling is better,
and your lungs
don't explode.
I bet I can
spot more fish
than you.
Uh, o.K.?
Yeah!
Hey, they're
loving it, man.
I can't see
anything.
It's too muddy.
I know.
This stinks.
I'm going to
mess around
with the guys.
I'll be working
on my sunburn.
Be safe.
Hey, spense.
Hey.
So, what's wrong
with scuba diving?
I don't know.
What?
Nothing's wrong
with it.
It's
a little dangerous.
A lot of things
worth doing
are dangerous.
Like what?
Like scuba diving.
There's more
adventurous ways
to spend time
with our sons
than the movies.
You know,
I'm starting
to realize
what the point
of this whole
weekend is--
to prove
we're lousy fathers.
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
Excuse me, sir.
I believe
we asked everyone
not to throw stones
into the cove.
What?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I forgot.
I will not
do it again.
I just have to
ask you
to retrieve the stone
and put it
on the beach.
You're joking.
If you
get away with it,
everybody
will throw stones.
The beach
will be destroyed.
You want me to
go into the water
and find that rock?
Yes. Or you
and your son
have to leave
the beach.
Are you
going to dust
for fingerprints
and find out
which one's mine?
Find a stone
similar
to the stone
you threw
and put that
back on the beach.
O.k. Fine.
You want
your power play?
You can have it.
I'm going in.
I'm finding
a rock.
Here's a rock
of similar size
and weight.
Call the Sierra club.
The rock is back.
That's it.
I'm sorry,
but technically
that rock
was still
on the beach.
Wade out.
Pick up a rock.
Or would you
prefer I call
the harbor patrol?
The harbor patrol?
Are you nuts?
Will they show up
in a speedboat
and arrest me?
Ow! I stepped
on something.
I've been poisoned.
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
[Tweet]
Jellyfish!
Jellyfish!
Everyone out
of the water!
Jellyfish!
[Man]
Sam, come on!
Let's go!
Come on,
Mr. Paley.
Let's go
to first aid.
[Scoutmaster]
Come on!
I'm fine.
It's a little sting.
Brent, get out
of the water!
Michael, you and Brent
know where to find me.
Come on!
Don't hold me
so tight.
Just watch your--
I'm fine!
Ow! Jeez. Come on.
Sorry, sir. These
jellyfish stings
are nothing
to mess around with.
It's o.K.
Treating
these stings
is our policy.
What is
our next activity?
Basketball, but
I don't think--
we'll win
that pentathlon.
What about
your sting?
It's fine.
Winning
that pentathlon
is my policy.
Come on.
Call it,
Mr. Paley.
Heads--
no, tails.
Heads it is.
Half-court rules.
First team
to seven baskets wins.
[Tweet]
O.k. Listen
to me.
What we need here
is teamwork.
Pass the ball
to me.
What did he say?
Pass the ball
to him.
Just like in school.
"Don't shoot or we'll
beat you up."
Is that foot well enough
to play on?
It's fine.
Blow the whistle.
[Tweet]
Uh!
[Cheering]
The score--
Johansen, one basket
to zip.
Maybe we should
just quit now.
It's only
a game.
We're going to
win it, Michael.
You'll get him
next time.
Score--two baskets
to zip.
[Spenser]
Michael.
Don't be mad
at me.
I didn't do
anything.
I'm sorry.
Here's what
we'll do.
Let me
take a shot.
I'll pass to you.
I'll get
underneath the basket.
Shoot high
to me.
I'll just catch it
and pop it in.
Dad, I can make
the outside shot.
It's very risky.
You can't depend
on it.
You Chuck it
to me.
Go ahead and shoot.
What?
It's just like
baseball and soccer.
We're supposed to be
the ones having fun,
but they end up
telling us
what to do.
I say go for it.
Michael!
[Brent]
Come on, Michael,
let's go.
Michael!
Let's go! Let's go!
Come on, Michael!
Shoot, Michael,
shoot!
[Cheering]
Paley scores. 2-1.
You got the shot,
you take it, o.K.?
Thanks, dad.
[Tweet]
Uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
little bitty pretty one
come on and talk to me
lovey dovey lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
yeah, whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
at 10, you were still a Reed
happened a long time ago
little bitty pretty one
I've been watching you grow
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
come on and talk to me
lovey dovey lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
yeah
they're scared of you,
Michael.
They're shaking
in their sneakers.
Over here, Michael!
Uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
Mike! Mike!
Spenser! Spenser!
Loosen up!
You couldn't be tenser!
Lovey dovey lovey,
lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
whoa
Michael Paley, spenser Paley,
beat them hard
and beat them daily--everybody.
Chet, this new closeness
between us
is helping us develop
a strong relationship.
I don't want this weekend
to end. Michael!
Whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
come on, talk to me
lovey dovey lovey,
lovey one
come on, sit on my knee
whoa
uh!
Little bitty pretty one
[tweet]
Personal foul!
This could be
a lawsuit.
Hey, you o.K.?
He hit me
in the ribs.
Come here.
What should I do?
We win
or die trying.
Come on.
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
you all right?
Let's go.
Score tied,
six buckets each.
Come on, Michael!
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh
whoa whoa whoa oh
whoa oh oh oh
whoa whoa whoa
little bitty pretty one
come on and talk to me
lovey dovey lovey,
lovey one
Go, Michael!
Sit on my knee
whoa
whoa
little bitty pretty one
[Cheering]
In a canyon
excavating for a mine
dwelt a miner forty-niner
and his daughter Clementine
oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin'
oh, my darlin' Clementine
you are lost
and gone forever
dreadful sorry, Clementine
Ruby lips above the water
blowing bubbles
soft and fine
well, as for me,
I was no swimmer
so I lost my Clementine
oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin'
oh, my darlin' Clementine
you are lost
and gone forever
dreadful sorry, Clementine
That was nice, men.
Before the evening ends,
there are a few things
I'd like to say.
Boo!
Now, hold on a minute.
I always give a speech
at the campfire.
We're trying
to stop you.
Spenser should
give a speech.
At least
he's funny.
[Cheering]
Dad, just don't
embarrass me, o.K.?
When
have I ever--
o.k. I won't
embarrass you.
I promise.
O.K.
All right.
[Cheering]
That's
not necessary.
If you'll pardon me,
I know
what the problem is.
It's your uniform.
Did I spill
something on it?
No. If you'll
forgive me,
it separates you
from us.
We're relaxed,
sitting around
the campfire.
You look
like a cop.
What do you mean?
You need to be
a leader,
but you need
a relaxed image.
Right?
Yeah! Yeah!
What kind
of an image
would that be?
May I demonstrate
with your outfit?
Yes. Go ahead.
Let's hear it
for a good sport.
[Cheering]
Take off
your clothes.
No, no--
just your shirt.
Take off your shirt.
You're kidding.
Want him to do it?
Yeah! Yeah!
O.k. All right.
It's
a lovely shirt.
You have that
beautiful choker
with the medal--
I made that.
[Spenser]
That's fabulous.
No sweat stains.
You're impressive.
I never sweat.
Tom Jones impression.
Catch, ladies.
O.k. That looks
great.
Let's put
your suspenders
back on.
Let's go
all the way
over.
O.k. One more.
Here we go--
over again.
Isn't that fabulous?
Yeah!
That didn't hurt,
did it?
No.
And the final
finish.
Isn't that
more relaxed?
Yeah! Yeah!
[Spenser]
Should he
finish his speech?
Yeah! Yeah!
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Coming through.
Dad, he looks
like a jerk.
But did I
embarrass you?
No.
Then I kept
my promise.
[Scoutmaster]
I don't know. I...
I guess I just
wanted to say
that I know
that I will always...
Always remember
the camping trips
I took with my dad.
What was important
was that we did them
together.
That's what
these weekends
are about--
bringing fathers
and sons together.
And that's something that we
need to do once in a while.
Something
just hit me.
What?
I'm having
a really good time.
[Scoutmaster]
The games we've played--
those aren't
what matters here.
If you have gotten
to know each other
just a little bit better
and gotten just
a little bit closer,
then believe me,
this weekend
has been a success,
and you're all winners.
Now, in the morning,
we'll have
our treasure hunt
in the silver mine.
Aw, yeah.
That's awesome.
We're going
into the mine?
[Scoutmaster]
Yes, sir.
Thank you all,
and good night.
Dad, we don't have to
do the treasure hunt.
It's no big deal.
Let's not talk
about tomorrow.
This is one of
the best nights...
[Michael]
Aw, man.
What happened?
Maybe a bear
got in there.
There are
no bears here.
Maybe a cat.
I think I know
what happened.
It's just some
good-natured hazing.
We'll help you
clean up,
pitch your tent
back up.
Excuse me.
Dad, it's o.K.
Guess you thought
that was funny.
What do you mean?
You trashing my tent.
Oh, that.
It's a tradition
here.
First-time
visitors
get their tents
trashed.
I wouldn't take it
personally.
Look, if you
don't like me, that's fine,
but if you have
a problem,
don't be a coward
and go after my son.
Let's just
forget about it.
We've had
such a nice night.
Are you calling me
a coward?
Only a coward
would do that
to a kid.
Dad, come on,
don't...
Let's not
start anything here.
O.k. Michael,
let's go.
Are you running away?
Get out
of my way.
[Aaron]
Stop it!
Come on, guys.
[Michael]
Stop!
[Aaron]
Break it up.
Stop it!
[Scoutmaster]
All right, guys,
I'm not having
any of this.
Get up.
Get up.
Stop. Stop.
Stop!
[Scoutmaster]
All right, Mr. Paley,
let's go to first aid
and patch you up again.
I'm fine, Michael.
Michael!
[Aaron]
I'll go
after Michael.
Get your nose
fixed.
You're not
the first person
who's suggested that.
You know, Mr. Paley,
I'm starting to hope
that you don't
come back again next year
because this camp
can't afford
to take care of you
for another weekend.
Michael,
where were you?
I was worried.
I took a walk.
You want to go
canoeing tomorrow?
That last time was
a freak accident.
Forget it.
How about archery,
then?
We didn't really
focus on it before.
The zen thing
was fun.
I want to go home.
Why? We've still got
another day.
I want to go home!
En garde, dad.
Oh!
Hey, Michael...
Look,
I've been a jerk
this weekend.
I know that.
I'm not that good
at this dad stuff,
but if there's one thing
I've learned this weekend,
I've realized
it doesn't matter
what happened to me
as a kid.
I'm here to help you
become a man.
I'm scared that
if you and I
don't work this out
while you're still my boy,
one day you'll have to
come back here
or a place like this
by yourself.
Look, dad,
I don't want to
hear about it.
Listen to me.
You might not
understand
what I'm trying
to tell you,
but sorting
this stuff out
when you're
a grownup--
it's harder
than you can imagine.
I still want
to go home.
Look...
If I go
in the mine
and we look
for treasure,
will you finish
the weekend?
You'll just
faint again.
Then I'll sniff
my smelling salts
and pull myself
together.
I want us
to find that treasure.
You two going back?
O.k.
Thank you.
We've changed
our minds.
That will still be $3.00.
No problem.
Each.
All right,
here you go.
That's a good boy
you got.
You're lucky.
I know.
Just in case.
Thanks.
O.k., Michael,
let's go.
Michael?
Michael, you know,
you could help me.
You could help me
sometimes.
Just grab
a sleeping bag.
You have 30 minutes.
Watch out for bats.
May the best pair win.
[Tweet]
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
I'm right
behind you,
buddy.
Aw, again.
Again.
Watch your head,
dad.
Are you o.K.?
Yeah, I'm fine,
Michael.
Should we
go back?
No.
No. Let's keep going.
Dad, look.
These boards
are loose.
They might be
holding this place up.
There's
another tunnel
in here.
Yeah. Let's
keep going,
o.K., Michael?
Somebody stuck
these here.
They're
not nailed.
Leave them alone.
The treasure's here.
These boards
are to fool us.
This isn't
a good idea.
Michael.
I'm positive.
Come on.
Come on, dad.
Michael!
Michael...
Michael!
Come on, dad.
Down here.
Michael,
maybe we should
be heading back.
I'm sure
it's down here.
Agh!
What's wrong?
Just a spider web.
Remember,
your mother
would be going
nuts now.
Let's go.
Is the tunnel
getting narrower?
I see a light.
That's exciting.
Don't move.
You can kill it
with this.
No, I can't.
O.k. Here.
What kind of
snake is that?
Looks like
a kingsnake.
Great.
That relaxes me.
All right!
Did I kill it?
Here.
Don't pick
it up!
It's rubber.
What?
Well, somebody's
going to get
sued.
They put it there
to scare us.
We're
in the right place.
I think
you're right.
Excellent, dude.
Cool!
Let's go.
Cool.
This is
the first mine
I've seen
that wasn't built
by Spielberg.
Look at that.
Looks like
someone lived here.
Yeah, but
not recently.
Look.
Roast mutton.
Hey, look.
Somebody's
a real comedian.
Ah!
Michael.
Treasure.
Ha ha ha!
Real gold!
Well, I don't know
about that, son.
Look.
Here you go.
What do
you think?
Delicious.
We found it.
All right!
We were here
first.
That's true.
You can't
have it.
What are you
doing? Hey--
uh!
Aagh!
Ow!
Uh!
Aah!
Agh!
Uh!
Get off me!
Dad! Dad!
Dad, are you o.K.?
Hey, answer me!
Aah!
Get them! Get them!
Michael,
are you o.K.?
I think.
Chip?
Dad,
are you o.K.?
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah.
How about you?
I don't know.
I think I'm stuck.
How about you?
I think I'm fine.
Dad, where are we?
I don't know.
Hold on.
Let me get around here...
Get around, chip.
Wait a minute.
Whoa.
Don't anybody
look down.
We're in some sort
of cavern...
A very deep cavern.
[Crack]
Let's get off
this ledge.
I'm scared, dad.
We'll get you
out of here.
All right, everybody
just stay calm.
You're the fireman.
What do we do?
[Wood cracks]
This won't hold
our weight long.
Are we going to die,
dad?
No. No.
No, we're not.
Uh...o.k.,
see that timber?
If I slide it over,
maybe I can get
your leg out
and boost you up.
O.k., let's go.
Hold
this flashlight.
Don't take it off,
o.K.?
Shine it right
on his foot.
You guys
hug the wall.
[Wood bangs]
Hold on.
O.k.
Hold on.
1, 2, 3.
Aah!
O.k., can you put
your weight on it?
I don't know yet.
I think so.
Come on.
We got to hurry.
Can you put
weight on it?
Yeah.
I'll boost you out.
You can get
the kids out.
Hold each other.
Let's move it.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
O.K.
1, 2...
Uh!
O.k.
You o.K.?
I got you.
You're
doing great.
Be careful, dad.
Careful, now.
O.k.
Got it?
Yeah.
Do it. Push.
You ready?
1, 2, 3!
Uh!
I got it.
Pull yourself up.
Get your other
foot up.
O.k., o.K.
Get the boys.
Pass me the boys,
quick.
Come on, chip.
Michael,
hold this.
O.k.
I got it.
Come on.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
Hold on
to that peg there.
You o.K., Michael?
Chip, just keep
looking up here.
I got you, man.
A little more, son.
Careful
the way you're
straddling this.
Don't get
a splinter.
All right,
that's it.
That's it,
buddy.
Give me your hand.
Right here, buddy.
O.k.!
Got him?
Yeah, I got him.
We're almost
out of here.
Give me the light.
O.K., hold on.
Come over here,
son. O.K.
Dad!
I'm scared, dad.
You're fine.
I got you.
Chet, don't leave.
We're out of here.
Come on.
There you go.
Keep going.
Take my hand.
Pull yourself up.
Up.
You can do it. O.K.
Pull yourself up.
A couple more feet.
You're almost
out of here.
Grab ahold
of Chet's hand.
That's it, son.
I got him.
O.k., spenser.
Give me your hand.
I love
a camping trip.
I got you.
Come on, dad.
Dad!
Let's get out of here.
Hey...
You, uh...
Saved my kid's life.
Thanks.
Let's go, son.
[Scoutmaster]
And the treasure hunt
winners are...
Michael Paley
and his dad spenser!
Come on up, now.
Come on up.
Your names
will be engraved
on our perpetual
plaque,
and it will be
displayed
prominently
in the lobby
of the school
for everyone
to see.
Now...
Spense! Spense!
Spense!
Now, this year,
we have
a special award
for heroism.
In recognition
of their courage,
we're giving
the paleys
each a special medal
for bravery...
Thank you.
And service to their
fellow campers.
All right!
Congratulations.
Way to go,
spense.
Thanks, dude.
I'm going to
miss you guys.
Maybe we'll do it
again next year.
Ha ha ha!
No hard feelings?
No.
Acting like a wimp
doesn't mean
you are one.
Acting like a macho--
let me put it
another way.
I understand
why this place
means so much to you.
It means a lot to me,
too, now.
I'm glad.
It's the place
where I had the worst
scrambled eggs ever.
Men, let's get
this gear
to the truck.
Everybody pitches in. Come on!
Let's go!
Michael! Michael!
We fell down
a secret passageway
and got stuck
in a cavern.
We could have died,
but dad saved us.
We got medals
for being heroes.
Wow, that's great!
I'm not kidding.
It really happened.
Well,
I believe you.
She doesn't
believe us, dad.
That's her problem.
We both know what happened.
We know we're heroes.
Yeah, we know.
I said
I believed you.
Look at the time.
You got school tomorrow.
Time for bed.
O.k.
I'll come
tuck you in.
Mom, I don't need
to be tucked in anymore.
I'm a hero.
There isn't really
an abandoned mine
on Catalina island,
is there?
Just a small one,
the normal kind--
dark, dank,
low ceilings, narrow,
dripping fluids
from the ceiling.
And you went in there,
with your claustrophobia?
Actually, I got over it.
It, uh, didn't really
bother me that much.
And you got
trapped in there
on a ledge over
a bottomless cavern,
and you saved
Michael's life
and the life of
another man and his son?
I did what any
seasoned outdoorsman
would have done.
This isn't a psych,
is it?
They gave me a medal,
didn't they?
Well, all right!
Ha ha ha!
Does this mean
we can go camping
in yosemite
this summer?
With 10 million
other people
in motor homes
and generators
and lawn chairs?
O.k., I'll think
about it.
I got to tell you.
This was great.
It was like
a Greek myth.
O.k., maybe
not exactly,
but...i really want
to thank you
for making me go.
It was one
of the best things
you've done
for Michael
and for me.
Thank you.
Well, you're welcome.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
This was just
the beginning.
Michael and I will
spend more guy time
together.
We'll go
to baseball games
and basketball
games.
Great.
Michael will love that.
Next weekend,
we start our scuba
diving lessons.
Let's check
on our kid.
Sc-scuba diving?
I'm glad
you guys bonded
and everything,
but when I said
you should do
guy things,
I meant like
playing catch
in the driveway.
Aw...
Good night, pal.
So what do you think
of white-water rafting?
This is what
you always do--
you get
a good idea
and go overboard
with it.
It's a nice way to relax
after bungee jumping.
Let's talk
about this.