Father Stu (2022) Movie Script

1
[CHUCK BERRY'S "TOO MUCH
MONKEY BUSINESS" PLAYING]
Runnin' to-and-fro
Hard workin' at the mill
Never failed at the mail
Yeah, come a rotten bill
Too much monkey business
Too much monkey business
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved in
Salesman talkin' to me
Tryin' to run me up a creek
Says you can buy it
Go on try it
You can pay me next week
Ah
Too much monkey business
Too much monkey business
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved in
Only thing you got in common
with the King
is a liking for peanut butter
sandwiches.
Yeah.
That kind of combo
clogs up the plumbing.
Can't crap.
Shit backs up to your eyeballs,
turns them brown.
And then you drown.
Now, there's a song for you.
Eat your fucking vegetables.
[LINK WRAY'S
"FIRE AND BRIMSTONE" PLAYING]
I had a dream last night
While I was layin'
On my bed
And the whole world
Was standing still
And the moon
Was turning red
I saw a sign
In the sky
"I have come
To set you free"
ANNOUNCER [OVER P.A.]:
Holding a record
of 14 wins and two losses,
hailing from Helena, Montana,
he is currently
the number-two-ranked
middleweight in our state.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Stuart Long!
Fire and brimstone
Comin' down
On my head
[CHUCKLES]
You got a future, brother.
Fire and brimstone
Comin' down on my head
You have to do better
than that.
MAN:
We love you, Stu.
Hey, baby.
Hi.
You like blondes now, huh?
She's sweet. She's sweet.
Yeah.
Enjoy it now, kid.
You're almost past your prime.
It happens.
You're lucky
I don't punch you in the mouth.
That's it.
Take that, and give it to him.
I'm gonna punch you
right in the fucking mouth.
All right, good.
Come on, come on.
Fire and brimstone
Comin' down
Will you come on?
BEECH:
Keep your hands up.
BEECH:
Keep your guard up.
I don't care
he's the better boxer.
You gotta be the better actor.
I know.
I love this, man.
It's what I do.
I saw fire
Fire and brimstone
Comin' down on my head
I saw fire
I saw fire
I saw fire
Hey.
Well, that's just great.
I won. I got some dough.
What you want?
A toaster.
I'll get you a toaster.
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
If you put half the effort
into a regular job
that you put into beating ass,
you'd end up
being a manager one day.
Why dress us as astronauts
for Halloween
if you didn't want us
to shoot for the moon?
That's when I had two of you
to bet on.
Where is this clown?
Hey, tell her it's nothing.
DOCTOR:
Not quite.
You have a serious infection
of the bone in your jaw,
as well as extremely high
inflammation markers
in your blood.
Same thing as last time.
Your colleague gave me
antibiotics.
Did the trick, right?
After your last three fights,
you've developed fevers
and infections.
That's not a normal response
to injury.
What does that mean?
Medically speaking,
we'd need further testing
to determine the source
of the problem,
but metaphorically,
seems like your body
is telling you not to fight.
Meta-- Fuck that. What?
[LAUGHS]
The decision is yours,
but I must make you aware
that the complications
could be life-threatening.
You set this up, didn't you?
She tell you to say that?
Could you give us
a minute alone?
STU:
We got the Keystone Kops here.
He ain't gonna listen
to this loser.
Shit, he trying to run up
the bill on you, Mama.
Damn you for being so careless
with your life.
Careless? I'm fighting for it.
And yours too.
I've been puttin'
food on the table.
Your deadbeat husband don't.
Grief ain't a disability, Mama.
I looked it up.
What you think,
you're gonna get to be a pro?
Honey, you're the age most
guys are when they pack it in.
And you're still scrapping
for a sponsor.
You look me in the eyes
and tell me
that some plastic trophy
is worth more than your life.
You only got yourself to blame.
Making a fuss over all them
damn participation ribbons.
You set a real low bar.
What you expect from your son?
That this one
don't fucking die.
I ain't that lucky.
[]
I heard them oil rigs
went up pay good.
I ain't doing
no blue-collar bullshit.
Well, honey,
what else is there?
[]
YOUNG STU:
Dad caught me
playing in your room.
Got a heck of a hiding for it.
[SCOFFS]
Sometimes I thought
I hated you for being so good.
Making me look bad.
Dad probably wonders
why he gotta keep
a piece of shit like me.
You want it?
Come get it.
[SNIFFLES]
[SIGHS]
What, you think I missed?
I never miss.
Oh!
[CAR APPROACHING]
[SIREN WHOOPS]
Oh, shit.
Evening, officers.
Everything
all right here?
STU:
Yeah, just paying my respects.
You Bill's son?
Wow, all these years gone,
he's still making me look bad,
huh?
[]
Chip off the old block, huh?
Good to see you, Stu.
Until we meet again, prick.
Hey, Mama.
[SIGHS]
Resisting arrest?
I challenged
the officer's judgment.
It was a stimulating
exchange.
I made him a better cop.
Get in the car.
If they told you why,
you'd pat my back.
Ain't that the story
of your life?
Being out of context.
I got some good news for you.
I figured it out.
Yeah?
Seventh time's a charm?
No, I mean I figured out
what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna be an actor.
Oh, God.
Think about it.
Nothing ever made more sense.
I mean, I was born to perform.
It just took some time
to find my stage.
Yeah? Where's that at?
Hollywood.
You ain't been west
of Missoula.
You got a map,
I'm gonna make it there.
[SCOFFS]
Baby, you don't belong
with those L.A. folks.
They're a bunch
of carpetbaggers.
Communist fucking
fascist hippies.
I ain't trying to belong, Mama.
I'm trying to stand out.
All right,
wait till you see me
saving the world,
shooting the bad guys,
kissing them girls in pearls.
Shit.
Probably all three at once.
Isn't it a little late to,
you know, try that?
They gonna say "late,"
and they gonna say "great."
And I ain't even gonna be
dead yet.
Mm.
Well?
You gonna look your father up?
Am I gonna look my father up?
Yeah.
[SCOFFS] Fuck Bill.
Come on, let's go.
[DOLLY PARTON'S
"9 TO 5" PLAYING]
Mm-hm!
KATHLEEN:
Yeah, fuck Bill.
Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself
A cup of ambition
Yawnin' and stretchin'
And try to come to life
You throwback mother--
[HONKING HORN]
I'm trying to do
a public service, asshole.
DRIVER:
Learn how to drive, idiot.
WOMAN:
Hello. Can I get
the vehicle number?
Yeah, vehicle number,
jerk-off-kilo-limp-dick-ten.
How's his driving?
I'll tell you
how's his fucking driving.
His parents must be cousins.
He's driving
like a fucking half-wit.
Be ahead hiring
a crash test dummy--
If you are satisfied
with your message, press one.
Son of a bitch.
Somebody gotta find a better way
to rat these retards out,
you know?
Make a decent driver crash
just for trying
to do the right thing.
[GRUMBLES SOFTLY]
Two, three, four
[STURGILL SIMPSON'S
"LIFE OF SIN" PLAYING]
Well, lately things have been
A little complicated
Quality of life
Has got me down
Well, sex is cheap
And talk is overrated
And the boys and me are
Still working on the sound
STU:
Let's just start with a week.
That's $182.
If you book a month out,
you save 20 percent.
Oh, I don't need a month
to make it.
You and everybody else
in this town.
You got some advice for me?
I'm still trying
to be discovered.
I tell you what: I hit it big,
I'll take you with me.
All the way to the top.
Payment's due Monday.
Don't sell yourself short,
sweetheart.
Oh, I won't.
I'll see you Monday.
Oh, shit.
Oh, yeah.
Hello? Yeah, this is Mr. Long.
Hold all my calls.
Really?
I'll have to think about that.
Hollywood, baby. Hollywood!
[LAUGHING]
Hot damn,
you in Hollywood, kid.
What the fuck did you say?
I made it!
Oh, shit.
See what channel
I'm gonna be on every night.
Every night.
Oh, yeah.
The fuck?
Ain't no antenna on here.
A hundred and eighty-two dollars
for this shit.
It better be working.
Yeah, I got a problem.
The TV ain't working.
Tomorrow? I paid $182.
I need a goddamn TV.
Shit. You gotta be kidding me.
Better get her big ass up here
and fix this shit.
Things have been
A little complicated
[SIGHS]
I made it.
Quality of life
Has got me down
Well, the sex is cheap
And the talk is overrated
And the boys and me are
Still working on the sound
"Gas station attendant.
Christmas tree lot."
I was voted
Santa's favorite elf.
Heh. Nice.
"Amateur boxer.
Record 15-2.
1985 Gold Gloves Middleweight
titleholder for the state."
I won that one by knockout.
Wow.
So...
what brings you here?
Well, I hung up the gloves
a few weeks back.
I thought
I'd cash in on my face,
instead of my fists.
Get more mileage out of that.
No better place to be discovered
than the supermarket.
Even them Hollywood big shots
got to buy beans, right?
Yeah.
You wanna be an actor.
It's not like anyone aspires
to work at a supermarket.
Unless they do,
and that's cool, man.
They're probably happier
in the long run.
Hmm.
Yeah.
What skills do you possess
that would make you suited
for this job?
I'm real charming.
Ask my mama.
I'll bet.
I might have something for you.
Yeah.
[GLEN CAMPBELL'S
"RHINESTONE COWBOY" PLAYING]
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
I've been walkin'
These streets
Here you go.
Hey, did I see you
in a television series?
Singin' the same old song
You got any family
in the film industry?
No, I don't.
You do movies?
No.
You don't work
in the entertainment industry?
No, man.
Sir. Let me wrap it up
for you.
Wanna get right to it, huh?
You got friends
in the film industry?
Nah.
On the road
To my horizon
But I'm gonna be where
The lights are shining on me
You're not exactly
what we're looking for.
I've heard that before.
Trying to be a human billboard.
Sign spinner.
You know the gig.
Gave the job
to some other little punk.
I set up shop on the other side
of the city.
I got ten times
the customers he did.
[CHUCKLES]
All right, well...
If you're willing
to prove yourself,
I'm open to persuasion.
Yeah, man.
What do I got to do?
[SIGHS]
How badly you want it?
[CHUCKLES]
Okay.
How about I put your lights out?
Okay--
Then you tell me
if you see a fucking star.
Okay, not necessary.
Not necessary.
Okay.
I'm taking my picture.
Yeah.
Could you send in
the next person, please?
Jesus...
[DOOR SLAMS]
Claire, we need a new camera.
[MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY
OVER SPEAKERS]
[BILLIARD BALLS CLACKING]
[LIGHT CHATTERING]
WOMAN:
Best kind of date, huh?
Big bedroom eyes,
keeps her mouth shut.
I like a woman who ain't afraid
to say who she is.
Who do you want me to be?
I want a menu,
I go to the restaurant.
[CHUCKLES]
Sometimes I need help
getting out of character.
Be right back.
Okay.
Hell, she'd fuck that elk
if it had a dick and a dollar.
This town wants me to think
that my job's
at the mercy
of some shit-sucking scumbag,
and my dick's at the mercy
of some slut's low standards?
Nah...
A real man earns a win
on his own damn merits.
Shit.
Shit.
All right.
Tell me about the pork.
That pork's on sale.
Why's that now?
Why you think?
Pig was ugly,
or the meat gone old.
They don't tell me
this shit, sir.
My job is to sell
what's on the sign.
I'll take two racks of lamb.
Yeah.
[]
What can I get for you, miss?
Nothing, thank you.
I got beef.
I can see that.
I'll have fish tonight.
Don't let me change your mind.
You didn't.
You can find a fish in a can,
or you can let me
take you to dinner.
I don't like being told
my choices.
How about I take you fishing,
we compromise?
Heh. No, thanks.
I didn't catch your name.
Not much of a fisherman then,
are you?
CUSTOMER:
Hey.
Stuart, a word.
I gotta go help a lady out.
People don't run from help
if they want it.
Stalking customers
is a fireable offense.
They used to call it romance.
Our meat sales
are down 20 percent.
And you come in here
with your face fucked up.
It looks like you done battle
with the cow trying to kill it.
They might prefer that
to the truth.
Meat room.
Till this shit clears up.
You ought to get
a Fish Department in here.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Shit.
Life is short, Stu.
Too short to be a dick
or deal with one.
What you trying to say?
I'm not trying, I'm saying.
If you watched
the love of your life
slip through your hands
all because there ain't
a fucking Fish Department,
you'd be in a dick mood too.
If she's the dime piece
I suspect you're after,
I saw her leave this here.
I bet my bonus she'll be there.
You don't get that bonus,
you let me know.
I'll take care of it,
you hear?
Come here. Come here.
Oh, no, no, no.
Come here.
Come here.
[]
[FAUCET RUNNING]
Oh, yeah. Shit.
Hola.
Hey. Hey.
Remember me?
Oh, fuck off, Father.
[SPEAKING SOFTLY IN SPANISH]
FATHER:
Brethren.
Let us acknowledge our sins,
and so prepare ourselves
to celebrate
the sacred mysteries.
I confess to Almighty God,
and to you,
my brothers and sisters,
that I have greatly sinned.
In my thoughts and in my words.
In what I have done.
In what I have failed to do.
...failed to do.
I don't know about this one.
Through my fault,
through my fault,
through my most
grievous fault.
That's a bit dramatic.
FATHER: Therefore...
Ow! Jesus.
May Almighty God
have mercy on us,
forgive us our sins
and bring us
to everlasting life.
CONGREGATION:
Amen.
[GROANS]
Hey, you want some help?
You should've
thought of that.
Son. You can't fool God.
Maybe no one's done it
good enough.
FATHER:
Let us pray.
STU:
Cool to sit here?
MAN:
Yeah.
Ham.
Oh, that's beef. I'd know.
No, my name. My name's Ham.
Like a pig?
Yeah, nigga, like a pig.
[CHUCKLES]
That's your real name?
Yeah.
That's a biblical name.
That's Noah's kid.
You'd think he'd have enough
pork onboard that ship.
You must be new here.
Why, I look out of place?
You look in the mirror lately?
I thought your people was
the God-fearing folk, brother.
Well,
ain't a lot of them Catholic,
but there's just
different denominations.
A brother was
one of the greats.
Augustine of Hippo.
Well, let me guess.
He was onboard too.
I...
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I need your help.
Uh-huh.
I'm looking for the girl
who left this thing. Know her?
Of course you are.
Why you say that?
She real good
at spreading the word.
Puts all us priest prospects
to shame. Carmen's her name.
She's about as Catholic
as the cross itself.
We're taking sign-ups
for volunteer positions.
No better way to assimilate.
God ain't got time for me,
I ain't got time for him,
especially between auditions.
Why don't you put me down
for hospital visits.
Shame we can't all be
as generous as Ham.
Hey.
Sudden change of heart,
huh?
Hell, yeah.
We don't need
security here.
We don't know what we need
till it hits us in the face
or steals our shit. Hey.
Hi, Ham. Jacob.
Hey.
Stuart.
Hi.
You wanna do this
with an audience?
So how'd you know my name?
You look me up?
You wear a name tag at work.
How did you find me?
I asked God
to show me the way.
He took me down Santa Monica,
left at the light
and into this very lot.
What do you know?
What are you hoping
to accomplish here?
Well, hope ain't a tactic.
I come to find the light.
I'm looking at it.
Does this tactic
usually work for you?
Stalking your prey and
smothering them with cheese?
Most things
taste good like that.
You like nachos?
You say that
because I'm Mexican?
Is that right?
I wouldn't know.
I can't see shit,
you're so bright.
You like that one, huh?
I have to teach.
Well, I got a lot to learn.
At Sunday School. For kids.
I'm an actor.
I can be whatever you need.
You don't take "no"
for an answer, do you?
I don't need a "yes"
to know I'm right.
What do you think
you're right about?
You wanna let me take you
fishing, but you're scared.
I made a living reading fear in
people's eyes. I was a boxer.
What am I scared of?
Getting knocked off your feet.
Might take 12 rounds
to get them on their back,
but I'm a patient guy.
Get me on my back?
I'm a Catholic.
No sex before marriage.
Well, ain't that
what confession's for?
I thought that'd be the case.
Let's not waste
either of our times.
I'd wait 40 years
in the desert for you.
Well, you can start
with an hour in church.
I'll be there.
I'll be there.
Hey, Mama.
I got my break.
KATHLEEN [ON PHONE]: Oh, honey,
I'm so proud of you.
Hey, watch your soap
and you'll see me.
I can't wait
to tell the girls. Heh.
Love you.
I'll remember that.
Oh, Jack.
I will get you for this
if it's the last thing
I ever do.
STU:
Are you using paper towels?
No, no, no.
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Stop throwing cash
in the trash.
And get yourself
a Marvelous Mop.
These things are so cool.
They're double-action.
Quick retracting.
Clean up the mess so fast,
your missus will never know
what happened.
Get yourself a Marvelous Mop.
[WAYLON JENNINGS' "IF OLE HANK
COULD ONLY SEE US NOW" PLAYING]
If ole Hank
Could only see us now
If he could see
What we got goin' down
We got Learjets and buses
Chauffeured limousines
We done moved from the Ryman
And Opry's on TV
I'd give a hundred dollars
If I could know somehow
What'd ya think
If ole Hank
Could only see us now
I miss you, little buddy.
Happy birthday.
Look at you now.
Look at me now.
Both amongst the stars, huh?
[SCOFFS]
[SNIFFLES]
Singin' through the smoke
And strobe lights
On the stage
If ole Hank
Could only see us now
[SIREN WAILING]
OFFICER [OVER P.A.]:
Pull over.
Oh, shit.
Pull over
to the side of the road.
Step out of the vehicle,
hands where I can see 'em.
That what it feels like
to be God,
knowing you hold all cards,
it don't matter if it's fair
how you decide to play them?
Step out of the vehicle with
your hands where I can see them.
[SIGHS]
I'd like to know
what the fuck happens to a kid,
make him wanna be a cop?
Hey, hands!
Hands!
I'm trying to...
Wallet, my ass.
Get out of the car.
If he could see
What we've got going down
We got Learjets and buses
Chauffeured limousines
Hi.
Good morning.
I'd give a hundred dollars
If I could know
Oh, fuck.
You're late.
STU:
And you overstayed
your welcome.
I bet you even God
don't like a kiss-ass.
[]
Excuse me, sir.
Yeah?
Does Bill know
you're fussing with his truck?
I'm his son.
Just borrowing it.
FOREMAN [OVER RADIO]:
Bill, do you copy?
[TURNS OFF ENGINE]
Yeah. This is Bill.
There's a guy in your truck
with a knife.
STU:
Think I need a knife
to fuck you up?
Bill can't find his crack
in his ass,
much less keep track
of his shit.
I'm doing him a service,
teaching him a lesson.
I'm sorry, John.
My son has issues
with boundaries.
That's the new way
to say "handicapped."
He means "retard."
Don't feel sorry for him.
He's playing with a full deck,
just a bad one.
Bill knows his cards.
He got the gambling bug.
I'll take it from here.
He's not out in five minutes,
I'm calling the cops
on both of you.
Hi, Stuart, how you been?
Give me the keys.
I got an audition.
I'm gonna be late.
Audition?
For what?
A movie. None of your business.
Seeing as you're trying to steal
my truck to get there--
Once I get my check
from the supermarket,
I'll spring my ride
and give yours back.
I reckon
it's a few months' worth
of cleanups on Aisle 4
to pay off a DUI impound.
That is the offense?
If you sent half
of what you spend on whiskey
to your wife,
you might have a marriage.
I appreciate your concern,
but this is not my moment, son.
You know, I could've
got you in here.
Good pay, benefits,
a little dignity.
They hire inbreds here.
I could run this shit,
I want to.
Who do you think you gonna be,
the next John Wayne?
Damn right I am.
You had a chance
to make something
of yourself out west.
All you got is a bigger gut,
beard, and bald spot.
This is not
the fucking gold rush, Stu.
Some of us just trying
to survive.
Yeah, every man,
woman, and child
for themselves, right?
Absolutely right.
End of the day,
that's all you got.
Everyone else is just
a fucking disappointment.
FOREMAN:
Wrap it up.
[SIGHS]
Well, I'm trying to be
an exception.
Yeah, we need
more of those here.
All right, call the boys.
Stuart here is gonna reinvent
the "Jailhouse Rock."
Good to see you, Bill.
You look like shit.
[]
CARMEN:
That's it for this Sunday.
God bless.
Bye, Miss Carmen.
[CHUCKLES] Bye.
Hey.
How's the other guy?
Oh, he wasn't working
with as good a deck to start.
There's no future for you here.
Or us. I...
Oh, your boss would beg
to differ.
You sniffing around
my immigration status?
No. I mean, Jesus. He asked
for the most fucked up,
and you're looking at it.
He asked for the tired
and the poor.
I'm an out-of-work actor.
Hello!
Cheap cologne
cannot cleanse you
from the ugliness of sin.
Look...
I know I'm not
what you're used to.
And not what
you deserve either.
I'm gonna be better
than both.
I'm all my parents have
to be proud of.
I can't date
someone who isn't...
baptized.
I thought you was
gonna say Hispanic.
Where's the water?
I'll do it now.
I'm serious.
So am I.
I'll do it right now.
[]
Today, the church
joyfully welcomes
those who will be received
into the Order of Catechumens.
In the months to come,
they will be preparing
their initiation
into Christian faith
by baptism, confirmation,
and Eucharist.
Stuart Long,
what does this period
of formation offer you?
Ah, well,
it's hard to say, Father.
If I had to guess, something
beyond my wildest dreams.
Let us all pray
that in due time,
Stuart may be found worthy
to receive the baptism
of new birth,
the renewal
in the Holy Spirit,
and to complete his initiation
through the sacraments
of confirmation and Eucharist.
Hallelujah.
I'd like to invite a friend here
to sing with me tonight.
God gave you the talent.
It's a sin not to use it.
Give her a round of applause.
Go.
Come on.
Yeah.
Don't worry,
I ain't gonna hurt you.
What song?
Damn, you smell good.
Hey, Johnny Cash, "Jackson."
Read the words
off the television.
[JOHNNY CASH'S "JACKSON"
PLAYING]
We got married in a fever
Hotter than a pepper sprout
We've been talkin'
'Bout Jackson
Ever since
The fire went out
Yeah, I'm going to Jackson
Going to mess around
Yeah, I'm going to Jackson
Look out Jackson town
We'll go on down
To Jackson
Go ahead
And wreck your health
Go play your hand
You big-talkin' man
Make a big fool
Of yourself
Yeah, go to Jackson
MAN:
Oh, yeah.
Go comb your hair
Honey, I'm gonna
Snowball Jackson
See if I care
MAN:
Yeah.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING, CLAPPING]
For example,
I am gonna give up chocolate.
Hey, you guys should protest.
She needs sweetening.
Yeah, pick something else.
Well, what are you
gonna give up, Stu?
Me?
Uh...
I was thinking maybe you guys,
so I can sleep in on Sundays.
KIDS:
No.
All right, all right.
Alcohol.
KID:
Hey, that's not fair.
You pick something good that
you'll miss to make it count.
I like this kid.
Uh...
Like porn.
That's what my dad gave up.
Well, you tell him,
if he wants to make it count,
tell your mama
to give up sex.
[GASPS] He said S-E-X.
That's what porn is.
Stu.
Well, he said "porn."
Kids, do you wanna read
from--?
It's the same thing.
No.
Get your Bibles out, please.
STU:
God wants us to give things up,
he ought to stop
taking from us too.
He killed my little brother
Stephen when he was 6.
Took a nap, never woke up.
How you square
that one, huh?
We can't understand
why God does what he does.
That's why I liked to box.
How it went was up to me.
I can't accept when
I ain't got no say in shit.
Our world teaches us
that there's comfort
in knowledge
and fear in the unknown.
What if the unknown was greater
than we could possibly imagine?
Hmm.
I bet it could be.
I believe in you.
TIM:
Confession.
Acknowledging our sins
in word, action, and omission,
and resolving to not sin again.
For this, we do penance,
and are granted forgiveness.
Like doing laundry.
That's a Sunday thing too.
[CHUCKLES]
Here I thought
it'd be all complicated.
Well... I'm afraid
it's not that simple.
The essential part of penance
is a firm and true repentance,
motivated by faith,
and the love of God.
This is called
perfect contrition.
Imperfect contrition arises
from a less pure motive,
such as common decency,
or fear of hell.
Our whole lives, we're taught
to be good, avoid bad.
Eat your dinner,
or you don't get dessert.
Share your toys,
or you get timeout.
You're trying to undo
years of wiring.
That's a good observation,
Stuart.
Take heart.
God is the ultimate programmer.
I leave you with this task:
Consider the changes
you need to make
in order to receive
more abundant graces
to sin no more.
Cool.
[PHONE RINGING]
KATHLEEN:
Hello?
How come you ain't teach me
how to tie a tie?
Where'd you get a tie?
My court appearance.
Your dad never
did like dressing up.
Always said he wanted me
to shine.
Like a dirtbag on my arm was
the only way to make me pretty.
Well, Dad is a fucking asshole.
What you putting on
a tie for anyway?
Church.
What?
I'm getting baptized.
Why would you do that?
It means something to my girl.
[SCOFFS]
I remember feeling like that
about your dad.
Why? You wanna be reborn,
because you fucked up
so bad marrying him?
Like I'd do anything
to please him,
when he could be pleased.
Gonna help me with this thing
or what?
I keep tying the damn thing
into a knot, and it's--
Mama, I need your help.
[CONWAY TWITTY'S "YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN THIS FAR BEFORE" PLAYING]
I can almost hear
The stillness
As it yields to the sound
Of your heart beating
Bum-bum-bum
And I can almost hear
The echo
Of the thoughts that I know
You must be thinking
Bum-bum-bum
And I can feel
Your body tremble
As you wonder what
This moment holds in store
Bum-bum-bum
And as I put my arms
Around you
I can tell you've never been
This far before
[CONGREGATION CLAPPING]
Hola. Bienvenidos.
Hey.
Cmo ests?
What's everybody waiting for?
Let's pray.
I'll do it.
It'd be my pleasure.
[SOFTLY]
I've been practicing.
[SIGHS]
[PRAYING IN SPANISH]
Amen.
You know, Stuart,
in my country,
men crawl on their hands
and knees
to the statue a la santsima
Virgen Mara.
I expect no less devotion
to my daughter.
Well, it's a good thing
I got a carpet, huh?
[LAUGHING]
You like that one?
You want cerveza?
[DAD SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
No, I don't drink.
I was just wondering--
If you drink, I can get it.
But I don't...
Gracias.
I don't drink.
I've never done this before.
I just rattle off
the ways I fucked up?
That is correct.
It'd be easier to list
the things I done right,
take up less of your time.
Take as long as you need.
There's a fucking line
out there.
They'll know
how much I fucked up.
Unless you whisper,
they'll know regardless.
You know who you're talking to?
I have an inkling, yes.
Does hearing other folks' shit
make you feel less shitty
about your own shit?
Don't pretend
like you don't got some.
[CHUCKLES]
It is for God alone to judge.
I am merely a vessel to assist
man in unburdening himself
of all that may separate him
from the most direct path
to Almighty Father.
I'm keeping God in a job.
He cuts you a check,
your ass better thank me.
You know, the last thing I need
is another father to fail for.
[FLAMIN' GROOVIES'
"WHISKEY WOMAN" PLAYING]
I've been hungry
All day long
[SIGHS]
For that girl
Who's wastin' time
You're getting into
the fine print
on this way of living,
pal.
What you think you know?
I know you got a long,
weary road ahead,
with the headlights dim.
You have to learn the hard way
how to live in light.
Why don't you find someone else
who wants to hear your shit?
No one wants to.
No shit.
Take a hint.
In my experience,
the toughest fights
are the only ones
worth walking into.
You bring a tough guy
to his knees,
the first few times
he feels shame.
Rage.
Eventually, relief.
Wanna have
a big dick contest, bud?
I know how big
your dick is, son.
I'd fuck you up if you
weren't fucked up already.
Yeah.
Someone beat you to it.
Life's gonna give you a gutful
of reasons to be angry, kid.
You only need one
to be grateful.
Wow.
That's the most
fucked-up ratio
since the number of marshmallows
in Lucky Charms.
You ain't owed nothing.
But you're getting a chance.
[TAPS COUNTER]
Don't go driving now.
What the fuck
was he drinking?
Water.
Oh, c-c-come on
I want you
I want you
[HONKING]
Oh, shit.
[EMERGENCY VEHICLE SIRENS
WAILING]
[INAUDIBLE]
Sir?
[INAUDIBLE]
Sir, can you hear me?
VOICE [WHISPERS]:
Can you hear me?
[]
Behold thy mother.
[COUGHS WEAKLY]
You must listen to me.
You will not die for nothing.
Oh, you tell your son...
He wants to show me hell,
I ain't afraid of a little fire.
He died for you.
For Stephen.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[SIRENS WAILING]
[MONITORS BEEPING STEADILY]
There was significant trauma
to the head, and vital organs.
He's in a coma.
If there's anyone
you'd like to see him again,
I suggest you arrange that now.
I...
already lost one kid.
They say lightning don't
strike the same place twice.
The nurse can recommend
a grief counselor.
[]
God bless.
Bye, Miss Carmen.
Bye.
See you next Sunday.
[CURTAIN OPENS]
You got some kind of spell
in there gonna bring him back?
It's just a prayer
for Mary's intercession.
She don't give a good goddamn
about a real mother's son.
You should get some rest.
I could stay with him.
His eyes are moving.
What? Doctor!
Stuart, baby.
Can you hear me?
[GROANS]
[]
[GRUNTS]
Can you squeeze my hand?
He's starting
to come out of it.
Damn thing ate my dollar.
As if folks in here
ain't paid enough,
you gotta bleed
their pockets too.
Ain't you brought
your own beverage?
Son of a... Uh--
Where you going?
What's it to you?
Your mother told me you were
dying. What the fuck?
You sound disappointed.
Well, I took off work
to be here.
You seem all right.
Wait up, Stu.
I forgot to give you this.
St. Joseph.
For the operation.
Who's this?
CARMEN:
Who's asking?
BILL:
Stu's dad.
I'm Carmen,
Stuart's girlfriend.
She know you're an atheist?
He's baptized.
He ain't dead.
He can speak for himself.
Is that true?
Yeah.
You know St. Stephen?
CARMEN: Of course.
Patron saint of coffin makers.
There's pictures of him with
a big pile of rocks on his head.
Who'd have thought,
you give your boy
a nice Christian name,
in a world full of fruits
and nuts,
you'd sentence him
to live right on up to it?
Or down, as it were.
Into the ground.
That ain't how names work.
Let me drive you home,
Mr. Long.
Hey, you got yourself
a worrier.
Well, God will put me
where he wants me to be.
What's it to you
if I'm in hell or Hermosillo?
"Sillo."
STU:
Can we go?
[]
STU:
You recall the guy
who was drinking by me,
last time I was here?
BARTENDER:
I haven't seen him
before or since.
He was probably
just passing through.
BARFLY:
You ain't owed nothing,
but you're getting a chance.
Don't go driving now.
CARMEN:
I thought I could help.
Answer your question,
you know.
Yeah? What you think
I'm wondering?
"Why me?
Why did God make or allow this
to happen?"
He doesn't promise
your stories will make sense,
but he does promise they'll
find their greater purpose.
If we're patient.
Patient?
You an expert on that.
What's going on with you?
Most things
get squished on a road,
end up stuffed on a wall.
I'm doing pretty good,
considering.
I know, but I'm concerned.
Look, I got a lot on my mind,
all right?
Let me help you take it off.
Don't do this.
I know what I'm doing.
STU:
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
It's been six weeks
since my last confession.
I can't...
I can't give you details
on account of there's a conflict
of interest.
The sacrament of confession
is inviolable.
I cannot, under pain
of excommunication,
reveal or act on whatever
it is you confess to me.
I did something
I ain't supposed to do.
Something I been thinking about,
praying I could get
to happen for months.
Something I wanted more than
anything else in this world.
Then I had it,
and all I could do
was think about
disappointing God.
This is good news.
It is in discovering
the greatness of God's love
that our heart is shaken by
the horror and weight of sin.
No, this ain't about fucking up.
It's about being fucked with.
Another term for that
is "grace."
God's grace.
It appears you are
the recipient.
What's he expecting me
to do with his grace, huh?
You could start by...
cleaning up your language.
Don't be a wise-ass, Father.
Answer the question.
He expects you
to spread his word,
advance his kingdom.
He ain't making house calls
asking that.
He must have made a mistake.
No. Heh.
God doesn't make mistakes.
Father G thinks
maybe I could serve God.
You believe that shit?
Like an altar boy?
I've been thinking that
since the day I met you.
You have?
No.
But I'm sure he had
good reason.
My whole life, I felt
like I shouldn't be here.
That my brother Stephen
should instead.
But after that night,
I felt different.
Like I might be good
for something after all.
Perhaps the world needs
another Rhinestone Cowboy.
I think God saw something
in you worth saving.
But it's up to you to decide
what you've got to offer.
[]
I thought it'd make sense
being back here to do this.
It's the place
you told me you believed in me.
I'm gonna be a priest.
[CHUCKLES]
What do you mean?
It's five words. I've practiced
them a hundred times.
What part is unclear?
Every part.
You're gonna be a priest?
Stop saying it like that.
Like what?
Like it's insane?
So was the idea of the man
upstairs pulling strings,
but you bought that
like a pair of shoes.
God saved me and forgave me
to show me that there's
a reason I'm here.
We need to have your head
examined.
Trust me, Carmen.
I tried every way I know
to talk myself out of it,
but the truth is...
I ain't never been more clear.
Have you considered
all this entails? Heh.
Abstaining
from booze and beatings,
not to mention sex?
You showed me I could do it.
No, I showed you,
you could wait.
A vow of celibacy means
never again. Then you die.
There's more to life than sex.
I can feel it.
Most people know that, Stu.
Only most people find that
other meaning in a passion,
or people,
or a family.
You're setting yourself up
for failure.
No. I been testing myself.
If God's willing to forgive me,
I got to be willing
to forgive others.
Whoever hit me, I wanted
their dicks on a stick.
But with God's help,
I've forgiven them.
And you think the absence
of the instinct
to dismember someone
qualifies you for priesthood?
You're delusional.
Know what it takes
to win a fight?
You gotta turn off
the animal brain,
use logic, humility,
good judgment.
That's the struggle of man.
I can do it. I can help.
You got near death
and found God.
That's great, Stu, but...
this is a little extreme.
No, I didn't find him, Carmen.
I felt him.
I felt her. Mary.
Well, that don't sound...
Look, the feeling she gave me,
I can't even explain it.
For the first time in my life,
I knew I could stop fighting.
I knew I was safe and loved.
I disgraced myself before God,
so that you could have
another flight of fancy.
I know you're mad.
You can hit me if you want.
It'll make you feel better.
I don't wanna hit you.
I wanna marry you.
I thought that's what
you brought me here for.
I can't do that.
I'm sorry.
Carmen...
Car--
Damn.
Your son is about to make
a huge mistake.
He don't usually warn no one,
so I guess that's progress.
You talked him
out of boxing, right?
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey, Mama.
Is someone gonna tell me
what's going on?
I was gonna find a better time.
You're doing a porno?
No, God, no.
No, I'm gonna be a priest.
For Halloween?
No, not for fucking Halloween.
For real.
Oh, Stu.
You can't be serious.
This is your fault.
You'd think I said
I wanted to be a serial killer.
My son don't do half measures.
He's a dog with a goddamn bone.
If you're so fucking
enlightened,
you should've seen that.
Had you been awake enough
to dignify his place
in this world,
in spite of the loss
of your other son,
he wouldn't be so desperate
to find himself.
STU:
Baby, don't...
I'm doing this.
[]
"To whom it may concern,
"consider this application
to the seminary.
"Enclosed you'll find
my rsum,
"and half the fee.
God will provide
the rest cause."
Cause?
Oh, "'cause I'm praying
for it."
[CHUCKLES]
'Cause.
Hey, Mama, I'm home.
Hey, Stuart. I just
been admiring your artwork.
You invite him here?
He came to check on you.
You look about as holy
as a healthy deuce.
You had to tell him?
It's a sin to lie.
You ain't the Catholic here.
You've had
some nutty ideas before,
but this is like Hitler
asking to join the ADL.
All these years, I was looking
for the wrong father's approval.
It turns out,
I never needed yours.
I always loved you
for the piece of shit you were.
That's unconditional.
It's obligation.
KATHLEEN:
You're punishing yourself.
You've both been,
since Stephen died.
It's not punishment, Mama,
it's purpose.
Let me do one last thing
as your dad.
-[GUN CLICKS]
-Give you something
you always wanted.
KATHLEEN:
What the fuck, Bill?
You gonna disgrace me
and your brother like this,
you might as well bury me too.
I'm turning my life around.
There ain't shit
you could do to stop me.
Unless you wanna shoot me. Huh?
Dine out on two dead kids.
Oh, to hell with both of you!
I trust we'll both
find our way.
You both better be gone
when I get back.
[KATHLEEN CRYING]
[MUTTERS]
Handle the trash.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Unh
[THE BLACK KEYS'
"SINISTER KID" PLAYING]
Well, the crooks are out
And the streets are gray
You know I wouldn't have it
Any other way
Yeah
Excuse me, sir?
Do you have an appointment?
Yes.
Take care, Jeff. All the best.
Go on.
[HANGS UP PHONE]
Hey.
You're the IOU.
You know something, Father?
There's a sign on the wall
of my gym back home.
"Hope is not a tactic."
I took that one to heart.
Fought for everything I earned.
This ain't no different.
I know what God's doing here.
Seeing how I respond,
I don't get my way.
I got to be honest.
I'd be red-assed about it.
But I ain't giving up.
Not on him or me.
I want you to reconsider
your rejection.
There's nothing on your rsum
or in your references
that speaks
to behavioral conformity
with Catholic tradition.
You are a pugilist
with a criminal record.
Look at St. Matthew,
St. Augustine, St. Francis.
I mean, some of the most
remarkable figures
in the history
of the Church are reformed men.
Yes, but I think
what the Church needs now,
more than ever,
is to elevate the standard
for a priest.
No, the Church needs somebody
who's gonna fight for God.
That's me.
Besides, if the Church's choices
don't celebrate
a person's capacity for change,
then what else does it
stand for?
This may sound contradictory,
but sometimes the best path
to serving God
is to step out of the way.
With all due respect, monsignor,
you're getting in my way.
God wants me here.
Priests become the financial
responsibility of the Church.
Now, by admitting you,
we'd be agreeing
to subsidize you
as the face of Catholicism,
something our board
would be very reluctant to do.
First, it's admitting
you're afraid I'll succeed.
If you so sure I'll flame out,
Father, what you got to lose?
[]
HAM: My man.
Hey.
Look at you. What?
The first of many
inappropriate displays, I trust.
Outward sign
of inward grace.
And a hug from the heart.
Hugs are healing.
Jesus hugged a cripple,
that mother-hugger would walk.
I need another one.
[WHOOPS]
Entering these gates,
you surrender any personal means
of purchase.
We rely on our sponsors
for money.
You do have one of those,
don't you?
Don't worry about me, brother.
I been getting sponsorships
since I could swing.
[CHUCKLES]
By the time I leave, I'll have
Jesus' name on my trunks.
You can keep your driver's
license and insurance card.
They took my license,
canceled my insurance.
You doubted me,
and I'm a step ahead.
God bless you.
It is my great privilege
to welcome you
to the stewardship of theology.
You are here to learn that
you will one day be a teacher.
An advisor.
A confessor.
Indeed, a Father.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, I guess we're gonna be
roommates.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Sixteen?
Sixteen.
[RINGING]
They must've given me
a faulty one.
It's user error.
And it's like 2 in the morning.
I ain't going down
till I get this right.
[SCOFFS]
There is no MVP
of Consecration.
Of course there is. Jesus.
Hey, you wanna sleep,
help a brother out.
And be complicit in your ruse?
Not over my dead body.
I'll ring your bell,
show you how that's done.
You're a fraud.
I found God.
I ain't here for fellowship.
I'm here for worship.
That's a great
bumper sticker.
[RINGING]
MONSIGNOR:
"Take this, all of you,
drink from it,
for this is the chalice
of my blood,
the blood of the new
and eternal covenant."
STU:
I been thinking.
Hmm?
Probably wise
to keep a vice on hand.
Somebody too perfect,
they a target for the devil.
"Better to be silent,
be thought a fool,
than to talk
and remove all doubt."
While we're bandying idioms.
If Jesus wasn't afraid to look
a fool, why should I be?
[SCOFFS]
If you seek to be Christlike,
give us something
worth repeating.
That is the duty of a priest.
One that you prove daily
you're incapable of performing.
HAM:
Not just what he does
that makes a man a priest.
It's also
what he doesn't do.
He ain't laid you out yet.
Oh, that's charming.
Not yet.
Watch your man.
Oh, no, Stu.
Oh, no, Stu!
[LAUGHS]
HAM: You look tired.
STU: Give me a second, man.
I'm out of shape.
And you're Black.
I thought you were
an athlete.
I'm gonna take five.
Sub in for me.
What?
Let me catch my breath, man.
Shit.
Hey.
You want in?
Does it look like I want in?
Trying to rise above here, man.
A priest is penitent,
not playful.
How you think Moses lasted
in the desert 40 years?
He must've been in shape.
Priest got to be prepared.
I don't suppose
Jesus appreciates your mockery.
God gave us a sense of humor
so we'd use it.
I don't know how to play,
all right?
My father didn't see the point
in teaching me sports.
I was always gonna be a priest.
It ain't never too late
to learn.
Not everyone is as eager
to humiliate themselves
as you are.
Through his own son's shame
was God's glory magnified.
Jesus set the bar, brother.
No one wants to hear the Gospel
from the mouth of a gangster.
Maybe that's exactly
what they need.
I'm coming back.
GARCIA:
"For God so loved the world,
that he gave his only son,
"so that everyone
who believes in him
might not perish,
but might have eternal life."
The Gospel of the Lord.
CONGREGATION:
Praise to the Lord Jesus Christ.
It is a great pleasure
to introduce
a member
of our parish family,
now a seminarian,
to deliver today's reflection.
Hey.
"Forgive them, Father,
for they know not what they do."
That's what Jesus said
on the cross.
As a kid,
I saw a dude in a diaper
getting it worse than me
with my daddy's belt
when he was drunk.
But I figured, I could
never screw up as bad as Jesus.
Whatever he did
to deserve that.
And as a man, I thought,
"You know what?
It serves him right.
"Trying to lie to the world,
make us think
we gotta kiss his bloody feet
for a pat on the head."
Look, now,
we've all been wronged,
and we've all done
some wronging.
Some of us worse than others.
But with them words
I said up top,
Jesus asked his father, God,
to forgive the folks
tacking him up.
He ain't come
to condemn the world,
make us cower in shame
for our sins.
Uh-uh.
He came to forgive us.
Think about it.
We ask Jesus to forgive us
our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
God's forgiveness is contingent
upon us forgiving others.
That's the deal.
It ain't easy to do.
Truth is,
we ain't got no power
to do it ourselves.
None of us, not a one.
It's all God's grace.
That's the man, right there.
You just gotta let him in.
He'll do the heavy lifting.
CONGREGATION:
Amen.
Hey.
Hey, wait up. Hey.
You're out of shape.
I'm out of practice
chasing after you.
You're spiritually
blackmailing me.
What?
Reminding me
that God forgives
those who forgive others,
chasing me down to demand it,
all for you to make yourself
feel better.
It'll make you feel better too.
There's nothing to forgive.
We serve the same God.
You seeing someone?
You really are a glutton
for punishment.
You asked to see me, Father?
Oh. Yes, yes.
As a matter of fact, I did.
Uh...
It's come to my attention that
there was a woman in your life,
prior to you entering
the seminary.
I was wondering, are you still
in contact with her?
No, not really.
I mean, she don't want much
to do with a man
she can't marry.
You know how Catholic girls are.
Or maybe you don't.
You strike me
as the kind of man
for whom rejection
only strengthens resolve.
Oh, don't ask me
where I got that notion.
Do you still think about her?
Of course I do.
Sexuality's a gift from God.
And denying it is denying
something he wanted us to have.
It's what you do with it
that matters.
Well,
I appreciate your candor.
Anyway,
I just want you to know,
I'm always here,
if you need to talk,
or you're struggling.
Too kind, too kind.
You know, it ain't a giving up,
it's a giving for.
Like anything, Father,
it's the struggle
that brings you
closer to God.
I ain't never shied away
from no fight.
Teaching priests to rat
on suffering men,
they're getting closer
to Judas than Jesus.
We both know
how that story ends.
Don't we?
[ROBERT FINLEY'S "COUNTRY BOY"
PLAYING]
I just can't get it right
I'm trying to make
A brand new friend
And everybody
Trying to fight
It ain't easy
And it ain't fair
Is the world so messed up
Am I the only one to care?
So much love
That I'm willing to share
All right, yeah
I've got it right here
STU:
Hey.
Go, go, go.
Right here, right here.
Hey.
Come on, man, let's go.
Shit.
Hey.
Yo, I got you, I got you.
Hey.
Wait, wait.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, you all right, man?
I ain't playing possum,
if that's what you're asking.
[]
Let me try again. Help me up.
Let's go slow. Go slow.
All right, just take a sec.
Guys, hey.
[MUFFLED]
Dude, you okay? You okay, man?
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on. There you go.
[BED WHIRRING]
Oh, shit.
You there, ten-four?
KATHLEEN: Yes, Stu.
Still here.
Roger that.
Oh, shit.
Is that that nurse out there?
You there?
Hello?
Anybody out there?
[GULPING]
Oh, my God.
Oh, Stuart,
I apologize for the delay.
I had several specialists
conferring over
your lab reports.
No worries, Doc.
I got the feeling back.
I think I'm good.
Okay, look.
Uh, there's no easy way
to deliver this news,
but um, you don't
strike me as somebody
who needs sugar coating.
All right?
You have a progressive
muscle disorder.
It's called inclusion body
myositis. It's very rare.
Symptoms are like ALS,
Lou Gehrig's disease,
where the muscles
continue to weaken
until they cease
to function.
Yeah, and...
unfortunately,
there is no cure.
Well, you could've put
some sugar on that shit.
I'm sorry.
Listen, it's very rare
to see in somebody
as young as you.
Then I got a better chance
to beat it.
Yeah, well,
like I said,
th-there's no cure.
All right, Stuart?
But the rate of progression,
it varies from person to person.
How long?
The first things to atrophy
will be the quadriceps,
finger flexors,
foot dorsiflexors.
Then, later on,
the facial muscles,
especially those that
control eye closure, speech,
and the muscles that
facilitate your swallowing.
The good news is
that you could have
as long as a year
before you're going to need
any assistance
with basic daily activities.
Like what? Like taking a shit?
Patients find
that preparing for a future
with some home augmentations
eases the transition.
Take this shit out of my dick.
I'm gonna send
for a nurse, okay.
Can't cure my disease, can't
take a tube out of my dick,
what can you do, Doc?
I understand, Stuart,
that you are angry.
Oh, God. Is there anything
it doesn't fuck with?
Yeah.
Erectile function.
Typically one of the last
things to go.
I'm trying to be a priest, pal.
[SCOFFS]
Oh.
Let me know
if you need anything.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
HAM:
God is all about
defying the odds.
You know, showing people
what they didn't think
was possible is.
I defied every odd
to get where I'm at.
You'd think he'd give
a brother a break.
[SIGHS]
You know, m-maybe this is God
giving you your break.
[SCOFFS]
You know, Hollywood's
not got
too many handsome handicapped.
You think Ali wanna be known
as the best Black boxer?
Guys like us
go for greatest of great.
Stu...
Only thing you and Ali
got in common
is a wheelchair
in your future.
[CHUCKLING]
You all right, bro?
God don't make mistakes,
right?
You love me,
but you don't want me.
You're testing me, huh?
You wanna test me
to see how serious I am?
Why?
Why?
Why?
[SNIFFLES]
I wanna know why.
I wanna know why.
I wanna know now.
Why?
Why have you forsaken me
here now?
And I'm here, and I wanna do
right, and I wanna be good.
I'm gonna be good.
I'm gonna do right,
I'm wanna be good.
Please, Lord...
Goddamn.
No, I didn't mean that.
You know I didn't mean that.
All right.
I need to know now.
I need to know now.
Why?
What the fuck you got me
doing here like this on my...
On my own?
Make sure you put Stephen
with me.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
I'll be here, Lord.
For you.
STU:
You all right?
KATHLEEN [OVER PHONE]:
That's a dumb question.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say.
That's a first.
You must be really sick.
That's what they're saying.
I feel fine so far.
Baby.
You can beat this.
They ain't seen it
in a man so young.
Means they don't know
it's possible to get it gone.
You gotta think that way.
Can't think nothing else.
Yeah.
But in case you don't,
you ought to move back home.
Spend what you got left
doing things you enjoy.
Eat your favorite food,
see your friends.
Hell, you might even box again.
Ma.
Sorry, baby.
I'm just scared.
Well, look at Mary.
Watching her son
getting whipped and nailed.
She probably looked good
doing it.
That's a fucking fairytale,
Stu.
And if it ain't?
This God of yours,
you've given up everything
for him.
And what's he do?
He punishes you.
When God wounds us,
he calls us closer to him.
You couldn't get any closer.
You're already
in the goddamn bed with him.
Couldn't you make
some kind of deal?
He lets you stay around,
you be his bitch?
Otherwise,
take your business elsewhere.
I'm not gay, all right?
And God's not a gangster.
He don't make deals,
and he sure as hell don't
respond to no ultimatums.
You can't talk me out
of this one.
I don't know why...
[PHONE RINGING]
I come out here every show
and I keep saying,
"Thank you,
thank you, thank you."
I don't know
what I'm thanking you for.
You get in here for nothing.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
BILL [OVER MACHINE]:
Bill's doing more important
shit right now. Leave word.
And believe me,
that wasn't my idea.
KATHLEEN [OVER MACHINE]:
Bill, it's me, Kathleen.
I need to talk to you
about Stu.
It's amazing,
the things they have nowadays.
Shaving cream
with diacetin in it.
What about him?
Shaving cream
with lanolin in it.
Shaving cream
with chlorophyll in it.
What's that mean?
Had to chase all over town
to find shaving cream
with soap in it.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
There. A small shave...
Does he need a--? Can he even
get on the crapper by himself?
Nothing like
a nice smooth...
Hmm...
I forgot to put a blade in it.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
A load of good you and me did,
climbing into bed together.
Made two kids,
own bodies don't want 'em.
Hello.
[]
[SNORING]
[GRUNTS, GROANS]
Hang on.
Hold your horses.
You're gonna wake
the whole damn neighborhood.
This ain't no neighborhood.
This is a trailer park.
They ought to thank me
for the wake-up call.
Get their asses up
to find a job.
Early bird gets the worm!
Ain't you all heard?
Some of them got jobs.
Get in here.
Thought you'd never ask.
[SIGHS]
This is nice.
You make Mama
look like Martha Stew.
Yeah, I was thinking
of hiring your girlfriend
to come in and tidy up for me.
She'd appreciate the work,
probably,
seeing as the church mouse
feeds on strangers' scraps
and people these days
are just stingy assholes.
Hm.
You get back
what you put out there, Bill.
Is that why God
gave you an incurable disease?
You called it.
You always said
I was a degenerate.
Drop in unannounced.
Don't give a man time
to take a piss
or get his shit together.
I beg your pardon, Padre.
What, are you casing the joint,
gonna steal more of my shit?
I come to see
you ain't killed yourself.
Left Mama high and dry.
You think you're the only one
that can keep a vow?
Don't get all high and mighty
with me, son.
I'm still your fucking father.
Don't you forget that.
It's lucky you ain't bet
one dime on me, huh?
[PICTURE CLATTERS]
I'm praying for you, Bill.
Don't you dare!
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]
You're violating my rights
as a man.
As an American.
[SIGHS]
[]
[MUMBLES]
MONSIGNOR:
Look not on our sins,
but on the faith
of your Church.
And graciously grant her
peace and unity
in accordance
with your will.
Who live and reign forever
and ever.
Amen.
ALL: Amen.
MONSIGNOR:
The peace of the Lord
be with you always.
And now let us offer each other
a sign of peace.
[SOFTLY]
Peace be with you.
Peace be with you.
Peace be with you.
Peace be with you.
CARMEN:
When were you gonna tell me?
STU:
When I prayed away my pride.
I'll marry you,
you want me to.
[SCOFFS]
Aren't you gonna ask
what kind of guy he is?
No.
I'd beat him up.
But I'm trying
to be a priest.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, for...
For what it's worth,
you have my support.
In sickness
and in health?
In case I get
a miracle?
Until death do we part?
[]
[SOBBING]
[SNIFFLES]
If your mom asks,
tell her I came to convince you
to abandon priesthood.
[SOFTLY]
She ain't gonna
believe that.
Not you.
It's okay.
[SNIFFLES]
[LAUGHING]
[ODETTA'S "AIN'T NO GRAVE
CAN HOLD MY BODY DOWN" PLAYING]
Ain't no grave
Can hold my body down
Ain't no grave
Can hold my body down
[DOOR LOCK BUZZES]
My body down
When the first trumpet
Sound
I'll be gettin' up
Walkin' 'round
Ain't no grave
Can hold my body down
Ain't no grave
Give me a hand here.
Can hold my body down
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh...
It's our mission
to enter the darkest places,
and to be the light of Christ.
"Dark"?
[SCOFFS]
Because we Black, bad, or both?
[INMATES SNICKER]
Uh... It...
It's a-a metaphor.
INMATE: If you gonna use
big words like that,
you might as well pass out
dictionaries, bro.
STU:
You guys get
one phone call a week in here?
If you kiss the right ass.
Who you gonna call, huh?
Your mama?
You gonna break her heart
some more.
Your wife?
Shit, let's be real,
she probably busy
banging her new man.
And your kid?
He's probably
gonna get more pity in school
if his daddy was dead.
You don't need no phone
to talk to God.
And don't need a guard's
permission, neither.
When no one else gives a shit
what you got to say, God does.
Because he made your ass.
You damn right
he's disappointed in it,
but he wants to help.
No matter how hard
you resist it,
no matter how many times
you say no.
He still wants to make you
better.
He ain't giving up on you.
Never.
Don't you dare go giving up
on yourself.
You wanna try again?
[BELL TOLLING]
Have a seat, Stuart.
You know what?
I'm trying to stay fit.
I think I'll have a stand.
[DOOR CLOSES]
There is concern
amongst the diocese
that the state
of your infirmity
will render you unable
to properly perform
the sacraments.
It may even cause you
to disgrace them.
I spill the blood.
Choke on the body.
Fall on my face
trying to genuflect.
You think I haven't
thought of that?
We're not human beings
having a spiritual experience,
we are spiritual beings
having a human one.
This body don't mean
nothing to God,
therefore nor should it
to you.
Unfortunately,
it's not up to me.
The Church will not endorse you
for ordination.
At first the Church
couldn't afford to subsidize me
as a face of Catholicism.
Now it can't afford
to subsidize a cripple.
This time it ain't a matter
of reputation,
it's a matter of the money.
Isn't that right?
God don't move the goalpost,
Father. Man does.
It is my duty to defend
the sanctity of our Church.
I'm sorry, Stuart.
[SIGHS]
[]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
HAM:
Hello, Mr. Long.
I'm sorry, my name is Ham.
Uh, I'm a friend of your son,
Stuart.
Nearly done there or what?
She gonna help me up.
Oh, come on now.
This ain't the hill to die on.
It's the only one.
It's a solid build.
I seen insects
grope about for death
with more dignity than what
you're displaying right now.
You here to help?
Play a hymn on the harp.
Makes pathetic shit
look poetic.
I'm afraid the only hymn I know
is Haggard.
Ain't you got somewhere to be?
Yeah, probably.
I'm trying out this new thing
they got now
called self-employment.
All the kids are doing it.
I heard about that.
Identical twin sister
to unemployment.
Except they swear
she's the better-looking one.
I seen a couple of boxing bouts
on the TV.
Enough to know a man don't lose
when he gets knocked down,
but when he won't get up.
If there's one thing
I know about you, it's...
you ain't afraid to get hit.
You gonna watch or what?
Yeah.
[]
[FAUCET SQUEAKS OFF]
Hey, Mama.
Hi, baby.
STU:
What you waiting on?
Well, you.
What you doing in there?
Praying for you
to get some patience.
You ought to try praying
for my prostate.
You all right?
Well, I ain't trying
to close my curtains
in the shit box,
if that's what you're asking.
Well, you always did wanna
be like Elvis.
I didn't think you noticed.
How could I not?
You never did shut up.
Many hours of silence,
gone.
They say it's gold.
We could've been rich.
Too late now.
Ain't gonna get that time back.
Yeah.
How do we tackle this?
Come on. Yeah.
[]
[INAUDIBLE]
[]
We're gonna be late.
The news ain't said
hell froze over.
That the best you got?
I'd clap if I could.
I might slap myself.
[CHUCKLES]
That's more like it.
I never did like
wearing these things.
Ain't done one of these
since your brother's funeral.
Still got your mother's makeup
on it.
You got another one coming up.
Shut the fuck up, will ya?
Meantime,
you take Mama somewhere nice.
[THE RAGGED JUBILEE'S
"COUNTRY ROADS" PLAYING]
Bones crushing bones
In my dreams
Well, you can't say I never
gave you nothing.
Yeah, I skipped over
thanking you.
Went straight to the source.
[TRUCK SQUEALING]
This thing purrs
like a kitten, huh?
Mm-hm.
Oh, no.
[CLANKING]
You son of a... Son of a bitch.
You piece of shit.
You couldn't wait
till tomorrow.
Maybe that's God saying
you ought to share your shit.
Or else.
Yeah, well,
she's all yours now.
We ain't that far.
I could walk.
Yeah, and I can fucking fly.
Where you going?
I gotta get your ass
to church on time.
[GRUNTS]
[ENGINE HISSING]
BILL:
There you go. Ooh.
STU:
Breathing heavy already.
BILL [COUGHS]:
It's the bad air.
STU:
You gonna have a heart attack.
BILL:
Well, then it'll all be right.
I'd die before you.
STU:
Yeah, you ain't that lucky.
BILL:
Shut up.
KATHLEEN: Hi, baby.
Hey, Mama.
Wanna tell me
what's going on here?
What you mean?
Dad is in a tie.
He looks nice.
Y'all think
since I can't be a priest,
I'm gonna marry her now?
Y'all bless this?
You're in no state to protest.
You called her a housekeeper.
What's wrong
with housekeepers?
Yeah, that's good for her.
In three months, I'll be
in a diaper.
BILL:
You're gonna need someone
to clean up your shit.
That's your job.
I'm gonna subcontract.
KATHLEEN:
Oh, cut that shit out, you two.
Here. Let's go.
Mind your back, Bill.
Okay.
[]
Our parish petitioned
the diocese
to ordain you as a priest.
Monsignor made sure
it was heard.
Turns out, I had one good fight
left in me.
We all believe in you, brother.
That's Father to you.
[ELVIS'S "WHERE COULD I GO
BUT TO THE LORD" PLAYING]
Living below
In this old sinful world
Hardly a comfort
Can afford
Striving alone
To face temptation so
Now won't you tell me
Where could I go
But to the Lord
Someone once told me
I was bad advertising.
Imagine that.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
He was a boss of mine
at the supermarket.
I kept coming in with a face
looked more like raw meat
than what I was selling.
Of course at the time,
I thought that man was wrong.
Whole world was wrong
when it came to me.
Every brawl I had
was beating back at a world
I thought had done me wrong.
Yeah.
Every bruise on my face,
every drop of blood I shed
was proof of my war
against God's injustice.
I look worse now than I did
then, that's for sure.
Difference is...
now I know my suffering's
a gift from God.
Now, I know
it sounds like bull,
but it's coming
from a man in a wheelchair,
so you got to entertain it.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Hear me out.
All our outer nature's
wasting away.
But our inner nature
is being renewed every day.
This life, no matter
how long it lasts,
is a momentary affliction
preparing us for eternal glory.
We shouldn't pray
for an easy life,
but the strength
to endure a difficult one.
Because the experience
of suffering
is the fullest expression
of God's love.
It is a chance to be closer
to Christ.
Now, no one suffers perfectly.
For sure not me.
Even Christ had his moment
of despair.
"My God, my God,
why have you forsaken me?"
He asked from the cross.
Christ felt betrayed.
You see, in that moment,
he who was sinless...
took on all our sins,
and got judged by God.
He took what we deserve,
because he loves us.
And that love...
it could make the baddest man
a believer.
Because that love
is a feeling like no other.
To lead you all
to find and feel that love...
is why God is giving me
the scenic route to die.
And for that,
I thank him every day.
Amen.
ALL:
Amen.
[]
NURSE: Hi.
How you doing, darling?
Great.
And who are you here
to visit, sir?
Father Stu.
[CHUCKLES]
You and everybody else
in this town.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Good morning.
Good one to be in sin,
I suppose.
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
It has been seven days
since my last confession.
But no matter how many I make,
these hands
that touch the troubled
are still themselves
unclean.
You having doubts?
A doubt would imply
that I ever wanted
this responsibility.
My father did.
[SCOFFS]
It was expected of me.
I'm angry at God.
For failing to make me
man enough
to defy the expectations
of me.
And I'm envious of you
for having the balls
to do just that.
All I ever prayed for
was a way out of this life.
And to watch you given
an out by God,
and refuse it...
I-I can't understand it.
But I do admire it.
For these and all my sins,
I am sorry.
I wasn't given no expectation,
except to stay alive.
I ain't coming too good
on that.
Whether by offering his son,
or for watching one die,
a father's just looking
for love,
like the rest of us.
Imagine how it must've felt
for Joseph...
to be the less important
father.
In his name,
you pray for penance.
Goodbye, Stu.
BILL:
Bill Long, alcoholic.
ALL:
Hi, Bill.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
I feel like I'm putting my dick
in a woodchipper.
MAN:
We've all been in your shoes.
Sometimes, too drunk
to put 'em on.
You've made the first step,
admitting you can't do it alone.
ALL:
Amen.
Yeah, well, I could've used
God's help for a lot of things,
but never could find him.
My son said,
that's because God wasn't lost.
Wise-ass.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Anyway, I sure as hell
ain't got the road map.
Um...
I'm here because my son asked me
to get baptized.
[SIGHS]
I killed every hero
that boy ever had,
hoping one day that hero
would be me.
Never gave him a single reason
why it should be.
[]
[INAUDIBLE]
I guess we're both
late bloomers.
[CROWD CHEERING]
FATHER LONG:
It's a profound experience,
suffering.
And the struggles
of this disease
helped me, and help others,
to learn the way that we should
have been living all along.
It's taught me
a little humility.
It's taught me dignity,
respect for others.
And sometimes people like me--
there's an extreme example--
we need things like this
to be able to make
those changes,
and decisions in our life
that are gonna help us
become better people,
become the people that God
has created us to be
when he sent us to this planet.
That's all right
That's all right
That's all right
That's all right
Since my soul's gotta seat
Up in that kingdom
That's all right
[CLAPPING IN RHYTHM]
My, my mother
How you're walkin' on
Your feet might slip
But you're soul ain't gone
Since my soul's got a seat
Up in that kingdom
That's all right
Y'all help me
ALL:
That's all right
That's all right
Yeah, that's all right
That's all right
Since my soul's got a seat
Up in that kingdom
That's all right
Hush little baby
Now, don't you cry
You know your momma's
Been born to die
Since my soul's got a seat
Up in that kingdom
That's all right
Now that's all right
Yeah, that's all right
Yeah, that's all right
It'll be all right
Since my soul's got a seat
Up in that kingdom
That's all right
Since my soul's got a seat
Up in that kingdom
That's all right
[BRETT YOUNG'S
"LONG WAY HOME" PLAYING]
Everybody's got a story
Everybody's been hurt
Everybody's got scars
And broken hearts
They don't deserve
Everybody is a dreamer
Until they wake up
Everybody's made of stone
Until their bones
Return to dust
You're never really lost
If you never stop lookin'
You gotta keep movin'
If your heart's on fire
Love is gonna find a way
To find you wherever you go
When the clouds get dark
And you can't see nothin'
Sun still shines
On the other side
Everybody gets to heaven
On a broken road
Some of us
Gotta take the long way home
It's all about deception.
All right, you make them think
you're going right,
and then pow, hit them
with that left.
Unpredictability. It makes
the audience the actor's bitch.
The director says
we're supposed to disappear.
No, honey, that's why they
call it stealing the show.
Nobody gives you permission
to entertain.
I'm seven.
I'm trying to help you, kid.
Impart some wisdom.
God smiles on that shit.
DIRECTOR:
Quiet all around.
I know what you're thinking.
You're free to fuck this up.
Worst that happens,
you don't make the cut.
In the ring, you get one chance.
You better make it count.
That's the difference
between movies
and real life, sweetheart.
Your choice how you wanna live.
Rolling.
A mark.
Wanna be a big star? Follow me.
DIRECTOR:
Background. And action.
Hey, you!
Maid!
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHS]
DIRECTOR:
Cut! Cut! Oh, my...
Cut. Are you crazy?
I'm making it real, man.
That was good.
You're background.
I'm trying to help.
These guys ain't doing it right.
Get him.
Don't talk
to the king like that.
What's wrong with you?
You're wrapped.
What?
Congratulations.
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
Take the long way home
Some gotta
Take the long way home
[]