Final Exam (1981) Movie Script
1
(music)
Hey... hey. Come here.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Come back over here.
No.
W not?
Just because.
I don't have to have a reason.
Maybe I want to sit and
watch the ducks more.
(laughs) Hey, ducks
don't swim at night.
They're headlights
short circuit in the water.
Come on.
Give me a kiss.
Not here.
All right.
All of a sudden the car's
not good enough anymore.
- Is that it?
- No!
Well, look.
I can't afford another motel room.
We spent all my money.
On beer.
You were happy enough
to drink your share.
I just don't like it here.
I don't feel right.
Could we at least put the top up?
Do I ever deny you anything?
Can't we go somewhere else?
Somewhere more private?
Why?
The campus cops know
not to bother any car
with a school sticker on it.
I mean, they'd rather have
us parking on campus
than on some deserted road.
I love you.
Do you love me?
Do you love me?
Hey, I'm out with you, aren't I?
Yeah, but you've been
out with lots of girls,
and you didn't love all of them.
Well that was different.
Yeah, but do you love me?
Of course, I do.
Shhh.
What was that?
I heard something?
Yeah, it was me
breathing in your ear.
No, really, I heard something.
So what.
It was the ducks.
Sometimes they like to come up
and terrorize the people parking.
You're obnoxious.
There's not another girl on earth
who would put up with your garbage.
Give me another kiss.
( chuckles )
(gasps ) Did you feel that?
The car moved.
Someone's out there.
Yeah, it's probably some
of the guys on the team.
Just jealous of their quarterback.
Always some wise guy around here.
Just ignore them.
Let 'em find their own girl.
All right!
Cut it out!
Leave us alone!
Can't we go someplace else, please?
No. I'm not gonna be scared off
by a bunch of frustrated jocks!
I tell you what I will do.
I'll get out and beat
some manners into them!
No! No! Don't do that.
It won't solve anything.
Take me someplace else,
and I'll make it up to you.
I'll make you glad you did.
What's that?
( Screams )
All right, that's it!
What the hell?
We're out of here'.!
(screaming)
Oh!
(screaming continues)
(music)
( bell ringing )
I meant to study for this exam.
I really was gonna read
the last two chapters,
but that boy from Old Dominion
he is so sexy!
I know what you mean.
Gary was going to help
me study last night.
We got to talking and then we
finally got a little side tracked.
And then the first thing
you know it's morning!
I didn't have anything to wear,
so I had to borrow
this from Kathy.
I hate history anyway!
It's so boring!
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- You ready for this?
- I guess. Are you?
Oh, hardly.
I only know about half of it,
and that's the easy half.
I mean, what do I have to
take chemistry for anyway?
- I'm going into advertising.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, that is a
problem with education.
They do keep trying to
teach you all that stuff.
Yeah, like chemistry.
I hate chemistry.
I mean, chemistry hates me.
It's that simple.
Come on.
It's really not that bad.
It's easy for you to say, but I have
to make an 82 on this exam
to pass the course.
And if I don't pass the course,
my parents stop making
the payments on my car.
I mean, this is serious.
An 82 or else I have to walk.
This is war.
Well, you can't just give up.
You have to try to...
Oh, just stop before you tell me
that quitters never win.
I do not want to hear that
because I'm a winner.
- Not to worry.
- Hey, guys. Wait up!
Did you hear what
happened at March College?
- Hi, Radish.
- Hi.
No.
What happened at March College?
Another football recruiting scandal?
No. Better.
A mass murderer.
Two kids were snuffed
while parking at the lake.
- Oh, how horrible.
- I know.
- That's awful!
- You call that a mass murderer?
Two lousy people?
I call that a piker.
Well, it's a small school.
You have to enter
that into the equation.
And it was particularly brutal,
a real spectacle
at least on a local scale.
Sure, it's nothing in a big city,
but in a rural area,
you have to take what you can get.
You two are so morbid.
Oh, you're beyond that.
And to top it all off, the guy
was their first string quarterback.
- You know, I think that we...
- Now you're talking.
You know, we might be
able to take 'em this year.
Yeah.
Remember me telling you about those
students that got it up in Vermont?
- I don't want to...
- This could be the same guy.
Oh, gag.
Oh, come on.
Let's change the subject to
something a little less drastic.
Well, like the test.
Personally, I'd like to talk
about something cheery
like homicidal maniacs,
anything but chemistry.
You're kidding?
This is real crypt stuff.
Chemistry for morons.
No offense.
(laughing)
Speaking of morons...
Don't be late, "braino".
(music)
Please take a seat
in every other row.
Leave an empty desk between you.
I don't want anyone
sharing your answers with you.
I get enough long answers without
a lot of unnecessary duplication.
What do you care?
You don't even grade
'em yourself anyway?
It's a moral responsibility
I have for you, my friend.
After the examination, I'll
explain the term morality to you.
(laughing)
Never mind.
(bell ringing)
Oh, I'd love to go
on talking like this,
but I must warn you.
Your quiz isn't getting any shorter,
and your examination period is.
Then let us at it.
I should remind you you're
on the modified honor system.
I'll be leaving the room,
and the grading assistants
will be watching you.
And they are both frustrated Nazis.
And if they observe any cheating,
they have been instructed to alert
a highly skilled sniper that I've
placed in the Williams Tower.
He was a gun bearer for the
eagle scout down in Texas.
You mean Charles Whitman,
one of my favorites.
And he's anxious to bag
a few students on his own.
Are there any questions?
He was a real craftsman,
an excellent shot.
And he played it out
to the bitter end.
This guy was dropping
people from blocks...
I hate to interrupt you
on such a lovely note.
But back to business.
Hey!
This ain't the test I been studying.
(laughing)
Well, if you're
gonna buy tests,
you might as well buy them
from somebody who's in the know.
I'm perfectly willing to be
bought if the price is right.
Good luck.
Oh, and don't worry.
I took the test,
and I only missed three.
(laughing)
Have a nice holiday.
And I'll be seeing many of you
back here next semester
in remedial chemistry.
(laughing)
All right. Everybody settle
down and get to work.
I think you've got enough problems
there in front of you without having
to worry about running out of time.
When you finish,
give your paper to one of us
and then you may leave quietly.
- Hello, Lisa.
- Hi.
- Ready to end the semester'?
- Yeah.
I've just about OD'd
on the small town lark.
I'm really ready for
bright lights for awhile.
I remember when I wanted that too.
A little booze, boogie
and then puke your guts out.
That's fun.
I'm not so sure
you're too much beyond that now.
Well, that's the nicest thing
anyone said to me in a long time.
Those kids they
hate taking chemistry.
At least it's new to them.
For me, it's the same old
thing year in, year out.
And then if I do get them to
understand and they graduate,
then I have to start all over again.
Then why don't ya leave?
Because I love the sweet young
girls that throw themselves at me.
(laughing)
Why pull down the shades?
There's nobody left on
campus that we're fooling.
You don't think
I'll kiss and tell, do you?
No.
But I do.
I don't care who knows around here.
But if that red-headed
wife of mine ever finds out,
I'm dead.
So, how about a
little night cap tonight?
Oh, I don't know.
It's your last chance for
some nice firm flesh for awhile.
I leave in the
morning for the big city,
and you're gonna be left with nothing
but that sagging old wife of yours.
She must be almost 30 by now?
Hey, wait a minute.
You're talking about
the woman that I...
( laughs)
Well, mother of my guppies?
Uh-huh, and you love it.
So, it's tonight or who
knows when, hot shot.
How about here and now?
Uh-uh. Sorry.
This is final examination week.
Pop quizzes just won't do.
Tonight, meet me in
my rehearsal room.
And we'll go
upstairs to the art studio.
Art in the dark can be very tactile.
Yeah, I like it.
Studying form and texture.
( Class ) oh!
I can't help it.
I'm brilliant.
( Burps)
And I can't help
it because I'm offensive.
I got better things to do.
I'd like an A, please.
(sinister music)
Oh!
Coach!
You weren't ready, Wildman.
One of these days you
are gonna get yours.
Uh-uh.
You see, I'll be ready.
That's why I'm the teacher,
and you're just a student.
- Hi, Coach.
- Hey, Radish.
When you gonna do your
equipment inventory?
You know we've got a lot of
our good stuff checked out
that didn't come back in yet.
Well, I was planning...
Well, ya see, we don't get much
in the way of athletes around here.
And I got to take a
little pride in somethin'.
You don't think some of
the guys are sneaking off
to try and get in shape, do ya?
They're not stealing the weights,
running the tracks at night
like they could be.
But now if everybody did that,
see I wouldn't have no job.
Wouldn't be nobody around
here for me to holler at.
Oh, look Coach. I got to go.
I'll talk to ya later.
I'll get on that inventory,
Coach, right away.
I got one more exam,
but it's under control.
See ya later.
Hi, guys.
Hey, you two look like
you're never coming back.
Well, it really
depends on our grades.
You never know.
- Have a good break.
- Yeah, y'all too.
- Yeah. You too.
- Bye bye.
(gunshots and screaming)
Oh my God!
Look out!
(screaming)
I can't believe it!
( Gunshots and screaming
continue )
What in the world
is going on out there?
(gunshots)
(screaming)
Lisa! Look!
Operator!
This is an emergency!
Get me the Sheriff!
This is Lanier College calling.
There's been a multiple
shooting on the campus quadrangle!
Listen!
Several students have been shot
and kidnapped in a brown van!
You've got to get out here!
It's happening!
The psychopaths are here!
( Cheering )
Did you see that?
It was horrible!
They shot at us!
It was murder!
Cold-blooded murder and kidnapping!
I almost got killed and
some other people were shot!
How can you be laughing?
Didn't you see what happened?
Yes, I saw it!
But I also saw that the van had
a Gamma fraternity sticker
on the back window!
Oh.
All right! All right!
The Alpha Gamma strikes again!
( Cheering )
What are Gammas?
What are Gammas?
Boy, they sure did fool me.
I should've known it
was a fraternity prank.
Well, I wouldn't have known
either until I saw Wildman's van.
It wasn't very smart.
Neither is Wildman.
( laughing )
I don't know what
looks the least dangerous today.
Me either.
You know, I've never seen
this place so empty before.
I wonder if everybody else
knows something that we don't.
Yeah, they know better then
to have exams on the last day.
( Chuckles )
Everybody's gone home.
I can't wait!
One lousy recital, and I'm off, too.
Can't wait to see some new faces.
Eat in a real restaurant.
Hear some live music.
You want to sit here?
Sure.
Uh-oh.
Look who's coming.
Hello, gorgeous.
I think this one's for you.
Say, did you girls go
to the shooting today?
Very funny.
Were you responsible for
that little display outside?
You're the leader
of all that rabble.
Not me.
I was at the
chemistry test, remember?
Uh-huh.
- The perfect alibi.
- Oh.
Say, by the way, when are we
going on that midnight ride?
(laughing)
Well, hey big boy.
How about never?
(laughing)
Well, everyone likes
to ride in my car,
but what's the matter with you?
- Not a thing.
- Well, hi Janet.
For me, it's not my
first time in a fast car.
I can't believe y'all
did that this afternoon.
No wonder the Gamma House
is always on probation.
Hello, pledge.
Hello, sir.
You know, I've been looking for you.
There's some special duties
that need to be assigned.
I'm really up against the
wall tomorrow at psych exam.
We can do it later, can't we?
Are you refusing the
small request of a brother?
No, sir.
Did I hear you right, pledge?
Let's step outside.
He probably needs his
car waxed. ( laughs )
Well, I hope they don't bother Gary.
He's very sensitive.
When are you going to realize you
don't have to fall in love with
somebody just to get a kiss?
So, the prank went really well, huh?
Sure, yeah.
I mean it worked out
really well, I didn't it?
Absolutely.
Right on schedule.
You know, it was a great idea, sir.
Not only a great idea.
It was a great diversion,
and I made my 82.
Great diversion.
You know something?
I've got another great idea.
You might be ready
for the big league.
Initiation?
No, well...
Well, I'm proud
to be a Gamma pledge, sir.
I mean, we're the best on campus.
That's what I like to hear.
Look, each semester, one pledge is
chosen to perform the solemn duty.
Yeah?
And this semester,
you've been chosen, pledge.
- That's good, isn't it?
- Is it good? It's excellent!
Look, I want you to break into
Dr. Mahern's office
and steal tomorrow's test for me.
You've got to be kidding me, right?
- No.
- I mean, I'm not crazy, sir.
I could get kicked out
of school for doing that.
We all do it, pledge.
We've done it.
But this time, it's your turn.
I can't do that, sir.
Hey, Gammas!
( laughs)
That was great!
What a stunt!
(mimicking gunfire)
Yeah! We were great!
Weren't we?
Wildman.
We've got a little problem.
This pledge doesn't want
to steal the exam for us.
Oh!
Does he want his
brothers to have to study?
- It's not that, Wildman.
- Pledge, pledge.
I want that test by 9:00 tonight.
All you have to do is
jump over the door,
and you're out in 30 seconds.
I don't know if it's
gonna be that easy.
Oh pledge!
Listen, listen.
You think about it.
And I think you're gonna
find out that it's real easy.
Bye.
He'll do it.
Oh, like a maniac.
Let's go.
I should've had a salad
instead of this spaghetti.
Well, why didn't you?
Hi.
- Well?
- What?
What did he want?
It's fraternity business.
I can't tell you.
Another secret?
I hate all these silly secrets!
I know you do, Janet,
but it's a lot of fun.
Well, do you think it's
much fun for me to sit here
and eat lunch without you?
( laughing ) No, of course not.
Well, it isn't like
it's the first time, Gary.
Yeah, I know.
And I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Uh-oh.
Time to go.
You want to hear a secret?
What?
I don't want to tell you in here
in front of all these people, silly.
Well, I got to go study.
I'll see you guys later.
Oh! Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
(Sirens)
All right.
What's going on out here?
We was told there was a shooting.
Multiple shootings at that.
We better find a multiple shooting
or somebody is gonna wish that
a multiple shooting was
all the troubles he had.
Now, who called?
There seems to have been
a misunderstanding, Sheriff.
We've all been the victim
of a harmless college prank.
You call me?
We got all our calls on tape
so you might as well admit it.
I didn't deny that I called you.
I thought it was real.
It could've been.
I mean, senseless murders
are a modern phenomena.
Can I help it if people are crazy?
These type of murders
happen all the time.
Oh, they happen,
but not in my county.
And not on my supper time.
Suppose you tell me about it.
Well, a group of masked perpetrators
simulated a terrorist style raid
in which several co-conspirators
pretended injury or death.
It's not my fault.
Where'd you learn to talk like that?
( Chuckles )
Watching "Dragnet".
Anybody recognize 'em?
Or their car?
Oh yeah, it was a brown van.
Fortunately, I got
the license number.
Why didn't you tell me?
Let me have that.
Jesse, this is Sheriff calling.
Listen, can you give me a
rundown on a brown van?
License number MPM112.
10-4.
Where you going, bulldog?
I got a exam.
It'll wait.
Vehicle's registered
to John Chandlis
of Shelby, North Carolina.
No outstanding warrants.
He's clean, Sheriff.
Out.
Anybody know a John Chandlis?
Is that your daddy, bulldog?
Actually, Sheriff,
he didn't kill anybody.
I mean, it was a...
it was just a joke.
There's about 50
laws that he did break,
one of which was getting me to ride
all the way out here for nothing.
But I guess I could run
this bird in on that one.
Well, I'm sure
nobody meant any harm.
I mean, sometimes students
just have to let off a little steam.
Hello there, Quinton.
Get yourself some criminals here?
Didn't you hear about
that multiple shooting?
Did these guys do it?
I thought it was pretty funny
myself, didn't you?
Bulldog here was in on it.
But you know I think I'm
gonna take 'em all in.
Maybe bust a few heads.
Now, Quinton,
that don't sound like you.
You used to enjoy a good time
until you got so full of yourself.
That's a little different.
But now, I do remember a time
when the library caught on fire,
and somebody hid the fire
hose from the fire department.
You guys sat around
dranking beer all night,
chanting, "Damn good fire" until
the place burnt down to the ground.
(laughing)
Oh now, you think
that's funny, don't ya?
You think that's funny?
Well, we'll just see!
'Cause one of these days you
boys are gonna be in trouble,
and I am going to be
there to take you home!
See, these boys are
looking at a bad end.
Bulldog, me and you gonna lock
horns again one of these days.
And when we do,
you gonna get one phone call.
Don't you lose this
dime 'cause if you do,
ain't nobody ever
gonna here from you again.
Hey there, Sheriff.
What do you need?
Well, every thing's under
control around here, Sheriff.
Now you know good and well
that I'm holding up my end.
And there's not one bit of
crime on this whole campus.
Not yet.
I gotta get to work.
Hey, Coach.
We still going
hunting in the morning?
Not if you've been drinking, Mitch.
Now you know that I
don't hunt with no boozer.
Well, I don't either.
Coach!
When you gonna
put away them toys?
You know that bull hunting's
only for Indians and moonshiners!
When I get so old and ornery
that I can't hit nothing except
with a scatter gun,
I'll give you a call.
I got to get to work, boys.
Hey, Coach.
You can pick me up
down here at Moore Hall,
and I'm gonna clock out
now at sun up, ya hear?
We'll see.
(music)
Are you still at it?
Yeah.
I want to get a good grade.
Why?
Is that so bad?
No, but once you get out of school,
nobody cares what your grades were.
The important thing to know
is how to get what you want.
That's who'll help you later on.
Not grades.
Yeah, but good grades can't hurt.
Neither can good times.
I'd rather know how to flirt.
One thing's for sure, you'll
never catch me studying chemistry.
Not while there's a man teaching it.
Watch!
Hi. Excuse me.
Could one of you give me a hand?
Sure.
Oh, thanks.
I just wanted to carry these
down to my car
so I didn't have to
do it in the morning.
Are you sure you don't mind?
No.
( laughs)
No, No.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
See how easy it is?
I just don't know what I
would've done without you boys.
(music)
Hi, Radish.
Do you have any aspirin?
Sure.
I've been reading so
long that my brain hurts.
What's the matter?
Oh, life.
It's just not fair.
No, but at least it's
not fair to everybody.
Or is that a paradox?
You know some people
have it so much easier.
You mean Lisa?
Is it that obvious?
It's only logical.
You're living with
a girl that has a free ride.
It looks easy, but she'll
pay a price sooner or later.
There is no free brunch.
I'm not jealous.
Well, not the bad kind of jealousy.
But it's just so easy for her.
I guess that's what I resent.
It's natural.
- Well, I like Lisa.
- I know.
It's not her fault.
But I just don't know what
I'm gonna be able to do
when I get out of school.
And she can get
anything that she wants.
Okay. Okay.
She knows how to use
what she's got, but well,
you have different qualities.
You men have it so easy.
You know what
you want from the beginning,
and you can just go
right out there and get it.
Yeah. Right.
I want to be on a SWAT team.
I sound like a silly girl, don't I?
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the aspirin.
You don't sound silly to me.
Lisa?
Hmmm.
Hi.
Has anyone been in here?
Um, no. Why?
I don't know.
Seems like some of my
things were moved around.
I can't find the book
I was just reading.
Well, is there
anything else missing?
Oh, no, no. I didn't mean
anyone would steal.
Doesn't it feel like to you
something's wrong around here?
( scream )
I don't think that was funny!
Well, I don't either!
You don't think I did that?
But it was your book.
Introduction to Abnormal Psychology.
Oh, pardon me. I'm so glad
there's still somebody here.
Guess what?
I've got a secret.
It's just wonderful.
Oh, I bet you're in love.
No, of course not.
Well, I mean, sure I'm in love.
But that's nothing new.
It sure isn't.
Not for you, princess.
Anway, it's better than that.
I can't tell you.
It's a secret.
Then why did you
burst in here yelling,
"Hey! Guess what?"
Because if you guess it,
I won't be telling a secret.
- I bet it's Gary, isn't it?
- Uh-huh.
- Really?
- That's great!
Uh, that means you got pinned.
Oh, you guessed.
But please don't tell anybody!
It really is a secret.
He'll kill me!
Wait a minute!
He should be proud.
He should want people to know.
Well, it's not that.
If his fraternity brothers find out,
they'll tree him and torture him.
Well, he doesn't want
to go through that.
How romantic.
He must really love you.
He just doesn't want to be tied
to a tree and covered with ice
until I can rescue him!
Personally, I think
it might be sexy.
But you're not the
one covered in ice.
Well, come on.
Let's see it.
What?
The pin, silly.
The thing you're so excited about.
Oh.
Oh my God!
I lost it.
He's gonna kill me!
Well are you sure you
pinned it on right?
Gary did it.
He should know how.
It's his pin.
He pinned it right on my sweater.
I'll be he loved that.
It's probably caught in your shirt.
He's got to have the pin for the
pledge meetings or he's gonna be in
real trouble with the brothers!
(laughing)
It's not funny!
Yes, it is!
I found your pin right
where Gary pinned it.
Turn around.
Where was the sweater
when he pinned you?
In your lap?
It doesn't matter where it was!
We're in love.
(laughing)
Ooh, I think we were
a little too hard on her.
(music)
Conference time four eyes.
Come in, Igor.
You know I'm not believing
you called the cops
on the mighty house of Gamma.
Giving that dumb Sheriff my
tag number was not a good idea.
- Well, I didn't realize...
- Now, I have to kill you!
Wildman, you shouldn't
perpetrate a crime
unless you've considered
all the consequences.
But don't feel bad.
So many great crimes
are ruined by tiny slip ups.
I'm talking about death!
I'm talking about cold,
clammy, maggot infested death!
Hey, that's enough, Wildman.
Come on.
- Oh'.
- Come on. Let's go.
(music)
( footsteps )
Bull's eye.
That wasn't so bad after all.
(door closing )
(screaming)
Hello, pledge.
- How'd you do?
- Just fine.
Is this it?
You might be Gamma
material after all.
If he makes it through night.
(laughing)
Hey, I did it.
Now, let me go.
I got to study, too, ya know?
Sir!
Sir.
You know I'm afraid it's
not gonna be that simple.
Now you want to be a Gamma?
And you do!
You do!
I do! I do!
You're going to have to learn how
to abide by all the lofty ideals
and traditions of our noble brother.
Yeah, I know.
But I got to study too, sir.
Well then where's your pledge pin?
Oh!
(yelling)
- Tie 'em up!
- Let me go!
Get his clothes off!
Let's get some water on him!
And shaving cream!
Hey!
(yelling)
Get off me!
- Woohoo!
- Let's get those ropes tied!
- All right! All right!
- Let's get those ropes tied!
Woohoo!
Are you okay?
Please someone
get me out of here!
Yeah!
(screaming)
Is it cold?
Tell Janet to
get me out of here!
I'll go get her!
Tell her to hurry!
Well, pledge.
That's all there is to it.
We just wanted to make sure
that you're really in love
because we don't want any unhappy
romances at the Gamma house.
I love her!
Really, I do!
(laughing)
Let's set it on fire!
We can't do that, Wildman.
He's got his love
to keep him warm.
(laughing)
Let's get back to the house.
- Yeah!
- Woohoo!
Has anyone seen Janet?
- Uh-uh.
- It's really important.
If you see her,
tell her they treed Gary.
Poor thing.
You know, she's supposed to
stay where someone can find her.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Can't you see that I'm studying?
Janet'.
What's the matter with you?
Hey, you were so
happy this afternoon.
I'm still happy.
It's just that I'm depressed.
Well then, let's hear it.
It's Gary.
I'm starting to have doubts.
Oh, you are?
Well, that happens to everyone.
It'll work out.
It's not that
I don't love him a lot.
I've never loved anyone
so much since Johnny Wooker
in the 10th grade.
But it's just never
been so serious before.
You're just pinned.
It's not legal or anything.
In fact, it's still a secret.
Well, I may have gotten
a little carried away.
I'm afraid, a few people
already know, too.
Even so, it's just a pledge pin.
It only means what you
and Gary want it to.
Well then, why do they make
such a big deal out of it?
They harrass you to
death if they find out.
Nobody ever did that in high school,
and I went steady with lots of guys.
Yes, I know.
I used to think
fraternaties were cool.
(laughing ) I'll tell you,
you're tied to a tree,
and you just want to
finish him off right there.
We can't do that.
We wouldn't be able to abuse him!
Hmmm.
Without pledges, man,
we'd have to go into town
and spend money for fun.
Oh.
( Phone ringing )
Pledge!
Gamma House.
Test or pills.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, we could get him.
Yeah, but I've got to tell you
that during final exams
prices rise with demand.
Okay-
I'll see you in an hour.
You know where
we can get any speed?
Oh, no.
I don't use that stuff.
It keeps me awake.
I know that, dummy.
I mean, some people do study.
We're out of pills!
Nobody has any pills anymore!
You realize we could make a killing?
You know, I believe in
studying the old fashioned way,
with stolen tests. ( laughs )
Look, if we could find tests,
we could find pills.
Don't they have any pills in
the Coach's training room?
No! No!
Those are pain pills.
Those didn't help me study.
Well, who cares?
If they give you a buzz,
so much the better.
Look, you can get 'em.
Don't ya have a key?
Yeah, I got a key
to the weight room.
That's just to work out, though.
I can't get into the pills
unless I break the door down.
(gargles)
You got it.
Um-hum.
Oh no! No! No!
They'll know someone broke in!
Remember our friend, Radish?
We still owe him one.
Oh! Oh! ( laughs)
The more damage, the better.
( laughs )
This looks like a job for Wildman!
Woohoo!
( Crying )
It's okay.
Just relax.
Relax a little more..
You need to stop
talking to yourself.
Jan will be here soon.
Oh, please, Janet be here soon!
That bitch is always late.
Janet?
Janet, is that you?
Janet?
Hello?
Anybody, can you help me?
I'm freezing!
- Over here.
- Oh, good Mitch.
Untie me quick, okay?
I'm freezing!
- I can't rightly do that.
- What?
Working man just never
messes with tradition.
Why you done
been treed there, boy'.!
Yeah, I know!
A man takes a woman.
He's got to pay that price.
Come on, Mitch!
I'll pay ya anything!
- Untie me!
- Pay me? With what?
Your good looks?
I can't untie you, but I
tell you what we can do.
We can drink a toast to
that new woman of yours.
Oh, good.
You can have yours
on the rocks. ( laughs)
You old fart!
Janet Mccordle!
Janet, they treed Gary!
Why didn't you ever pledge?
I mean, I'm sure you could have.
Well, of course, I could have.
But I just don't like
their hazing and all.
Well, yeah.
But it's not always so bad.
Okay.
Maybe not always.
But last year,
a girl killed herself
because a sorority
wouldn't accept her.
How awful!
Which sorority?
She jumped from the top of
McWilliams Tower six floors!
Well, I bet it made
them feel terrible.
That's the point, Janet.
It doesn't matter
how bad they felt.
It wasn't worth it.
- Oh.
- Janet Mccordle!
Has anybody seen Janet Mccordle?
In here!
Courtney's room.
Oh good, there you are.
I've been looking all over for you!
They treed Gary.
You better go quick!
He's probably dead by now!
That's all so childish.
I don't think I want
anything to do with it.
What about poor Gary?
Are you gonna leave
him out there all night?
Well, that's his
silly old fraternity.
(laughing)
I guess you're right.
I still love him.
Good for you.
Go get 'em.
Oh good!
Want to come too, Courtney?
- Sure. I can go for that.
- No, no!
Really, I want to do this by myself.
I want to make it up to him
for going through all this.
Sure.
Just be gentle.
(laughing)
- So what are you playing?
- Solitaire.
- Oh, good.
- Elizabeth!
(shivering )
( branch breaks )
Hello?
Is anybody there?
Can you help me?
Come on, whoever you are.
Give me a break.
( Footsteps )
Is that you, Mark?
Wildman, don't you ever give up?
What am I supposed to think
that you're the Gamma goblin?
Janet? Terrific!
That's right.
Get me off first and kiss me later!
Hurry!
Cut the other rope!
Janet?
Where are you?
Hello?
Who's there?
Hello?
Is anybody there?
That's a stupid question.
Somebody's got to be there.
Who is it?
Ugh!
Ugh!
Yoohoo!
Gary!
Well, where are you?
Gary?
Gary?
Gary, is that you?
Gary? It's me!
Gar)!-
How did you get away?
Gar)!-
What's the matter?
That is you, isn't it?
Gary?
( Scream )
Pills!
( Footsteps )
Woohoo! Pills!
( Clank)
Who's there?
Hello?
Who's there?
Hello?
Who's there?
Stop screwing around!
( Scream )
Ugh!
( Choking )
(grunting)
(grunting)
(gasping)
( buzzer)
He should've been back by now.
You guys, go to your dorm,
and I'll go find Wildman.
And I'll bring you
the pills personally, okay?
Hi.
Are you drinking?
I always drink Irish whiskey
at the end of the term.
Would you care to join
me in the celebration?
Oh!
( laughing )
Well, that's terrible!
How can you drink that?
- Don't you ever lock your door?
- What could happen to me?
Famous last words.
Why are you so apprehensive?
When are you going to realize
that the whole world isn't made of
psychopaths skulking about?
But they are out there.
They do exist.
People are killed every
day for no reason at all.
Perfect strangers wake up
in the morning and decide,
"Hmm... I think it's a good day
to snuff somebody."
And there are people who eat
at our restaurants with us,
use our highways and
vote for the President,
which probably explains
something about him, too.
I'm not paranoid.
I'm just facing unhappy facts.
Well, will you please stop it?
Because I don't think it's
cute like some people might.
Hey, what's wrong with you?
I'm sorry.
I'm just tired.
Everybody's gone home.
It just feels creepy.
- I apologize.
- It's okay.
Where's Lisa?
Oh, out.
Working on organic chemistry,
I suppose?
Well, just like I told you.
A pretty face and you can
have the world by the tail.
She doesn't have to
study to make it.
She can't lose.
Well, I don't have to study
to make it either, you know?
( laughs)
Why is it that you can
always make me laugh?
Um, I got to go do my
inventory for the Coach.
- Tonight?
- Well, some time.
May as well be tonight.
I've already mastered everything
I need for my exam tomorrow.
Being brilliant has it's drawbacks.
I'm bored.
Just like you were
bored with the key club.
I never said that.
You didn't have to.
Well, I got to go.
Good luck on your test tomorrow.
Thank you.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
Do me a favor and lock the door.
I'll feel better.
I'll feel better, too.
It has been a little spooky lately.
( Knock at door)
- Radish?
- Yeah.
You have a pretty face, too.
Prettier than Lisa, really.
There's more there.
I just wanted to tell ya that.
Lock this door, too.
That was stupid, kid.
I can't believe you said that.
(sinister music)
Wildman.
You here?
Hey, it's just me, Mark.
Well, I told him to
make it look good.
(sinister music)
(clanking)
(clanking)
(sinister music)
( banging )
( screams )
(grunts)
Hmm.
Aha!
Shades of Watergate.
Oh boy.
You guys have really
done it this time.
It's happening.
It's happening here.
Police!
Call the police!
Oh God.
Operator!
This is an emergency!
Give me the Sheriff, please!
Sheriff here.
Sheriff, this is one of the
students from Lanier College
from this afternoon.
There's been another
murder at the college.
I mean, not another
murder but a murder.
And this time it's real.
There's a body.
Is this one of them
fraternity jokes?
No, sir!
It's not a joke!
This is real!
I know I thought the other one...!
I know I thought the
other one was real,
but this... this is different!
There's a dead body right here!
And some other weird
things are happening, too.
- We need help, Sheriff.
- Call me in the morning.
- It's your job!
- You telling me my job, boy?
No, sir!
I'm not trying to tell you your job.
But somebody should.
There's a murderer
killing people around campus.
You should want to know about it!
Look!
There's a guy here who is dead!
And we could all be in danger.
Fine!
I'll take charge myself then!
Courtney!
(sinister music)
( bang )
Charlie?
(door closing )
Courtney! It's me, Radish!
Let me in! Courtney!
(grunting and screams)
(door closing )
Wonderful.
I'll give you art in the dark.
Oh my God!
Stop it, Radish!
That's not funny!
I mean it! Come on!
You scared me to death!
Come on, Radish.
I want you to move!
Come on, smile!
Radish.
Radish.
( Screams )
Is anybody there?
Somebody help me, please!
Is anybody there?
Please, I need help!
Is anybody there?
Please, I need help!
Somebody please help me!
(sinister music)
( footsteps )
( blowing )
Is this the vision
you've been dreaming of?
The masterpiece?
I promised you form, texture.
Mitch? Mitch!
Mitch!
Mitch! Mitch, wake up!
Mitch, Radish has been killed!
He's dead! Wake up!
Somebody got to do something!
Lisa!
(grunting)
( screams )
Lisa!
Dr. Reynolds!
Come on, you guys!
It's me, Courtney!
Look, I know you're here!
Lisa!
Dr. Reynolds!
Please, I need your help!
This is important!
Come on!
This is serious!
It's an emergency!
Come on, you guys!
Come out!
I know that you're here!
Please!
Lisa?
Come on, both of you.
Please!
( Screams )
(grunting)
( breaking glass )
Uh!
( Phone ringing )
This telephone
cannot dial numbers on campus.
Please check with the
campus operator for assistance.
Answer this phone!
( Screams )
Ugh!
(crying) No! No!
( Screams )
Help me! Help!
Hey, Mitch!
(horn honking)
Mitch! Time to go!
Come on!
(sinister music)
(horn honking)
Help me!
I'm up here!
There's a killer up here!
UP here!
Help!
All right, freeze!
Hold it right there!
Make one more move
towards that girl,
I swear I'm gonna hang
your head on my wall!
Ugh!
No!
Help me! Please!
No!
No!
No! No!
No!
No!
( Screams )
(music)
( screams )
(music)
(music)
Hey... hey. Come here.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Come back over here.
No.
W not?
Just because.
I don't have to have a reason.
Maybe I want to sit and
watch the ducks more.
(laughs) Hey, ducks
don't swim at night.
They're headlights
short circuit in the water.
Come on.
Give me a kiss.
Not here.
All right.
All of a sudden the car's
not good enough anymore.
- Is that it?
- No!
Well, look.
I can't afford another motel room.
We spent all my money.
On beer.
You were happy enough
to drink your share.
I just don't like it here.
I don't feel right.
Could we at least put the top up?
Do I ever deny you anything?
Can't we go somewhere else?
Somewhere more private?
Why?
The campus cops know
not to bother any car
with a school sticker on it.
I mean, they'd rather have
us parking on campus
than on some deserted road.
I love you.
Do you love me?
Do you love me?
Hey, I'm out with you, aren't I?
Yeah, but you've been
out with lots of girls,
and you didn't love all of them.
Well that was different.
Yeah, but do you love me?
Of course, I do.
Shhh.
What was that?
I heard something?
Yeah, it was me
breathing in your ear.
No, really, I heard something.
So what.
It was the ducks.
Sometimes they like to come up
and terrorize the people parking.
You're obnoxious.
There's not another girl on earth
who would put up with your garbage.
Give me another kiss.
( chuckles )
(gasps ) Did you feel that?
The car moved.
Someone's out there.
Yeah, it's probably some
of the guys on the team.
Just jealous of their quarterback.
Always some wise guy around here.
Just ignore them.
Let 'em find their own girl.
All right!
Cut it out!
Leave us alone!
Can't we go someplace else, please?
No. I'm not gonna be scared off
by a bunch of frustrated jocks!
I tell you what I will do.
I'll get out and beat
some manners into them!
No! No! Don't do that.
It won't solve anything.
Take me someplace else,
and I'll make it up to you.
I'll make you glad you did.
What's that?
( Screams )
All right, that's it!
What the hell?
We're out of here'.!
(screaming)
Oh!
(screaming continues)
(music)
( bell ringing )
I meant to study for this exam.
I really was gonna read
the last two chapters,
but that boy from Old Dominion
he is so sexy!
I know what you mean.
Gary was going to help
me study last night.
We got to talking and then we
finally got a little side tracked.
And then the first thing
you know it's morning!
I didn't have anything to wear,
so I had to borrow
this from Kathy.
I hate history anyway!
It's so boring!
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- You ready for this?
- I guess. Are you?
Oh, hardly.
I only know about half of it,
and that's the easy half.
I mean, what do I have to
take chemistry for anyway?
- I'm going into advertising.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, that is a
problem with education.
They do keep trying to
teach you all that stuff.
Yeah, like chemistry.
I hate chemistry.
I mean, chemistry hates me.
It's that simple.
Come on.
It's really not that bad.
It's easy for you to say, but I have
to make an 82 on this exam
to pass the course.
And if I don't pass the course,
my parents stop making
the payments on my car.
I mean, this is serious.
An 82 or else I have to walk.
This is war.
Well, you can't just give up.
You have to try to...
Oh, just stop before you tell me
that quitters never win.
I do not want to hear that
because I'm a winner.
- Not to worry.
- Hey, guys. Wait up!
Did you hear what
happened at March College?
- Hi, Radish.
- Hi.
No.
What happened at March College?
Another football recruiting scandal?
No. Better.
A mass murderer.
Two kids were snuffed
while parking at the lake.
- Oh, how horrible.
- I know.
- That's awful!
- You call that a mass murderer?
Two lousy people?
I call that a piker.
Well, it's a small school.
You have to enter
that into the equation.
And it was particularly brutal,
a real spectacle
at least on a local scale.
Sure, it's nothing in a big city,
but in a rural area,
you have to take what you can get.
You two are so morbid.
Oh, you're beyond that.
And to top it all off, the guy
was their first string quarterback.
- You know, I think that we...
- Now you're talking.
You know, we might be
able to take 'em this year.
Yeah.
Remember me telling you about those
students that got it up in Vermont?
- I don't want to...
- This could be the same guy.
Oh, gag.
Oh, come on.
Let's change the subject to
something a little less drastic.
Well, like the test.
Personally, I'd like to talk
about something cheery
like homicidal maniacs,
anything but chemistry.
You're kidding?
This is real crypt stuff.
Chemistry for morons.
No offense.
(laughing)
Speaking of morons...
Don't be late, "braino".
(music)
Please take a seat
in every other row.
Leave an empty desk between you.
I don't want anyone
sharing your answers with you.
I get enough long answers without
a lot of unnecessary duplication.
What do you care?
You don't even grade
'em yourself anyway?
It's a moral responsibility
I have for you, my friend.
After the examination, I'll
explain the term morality to you.
(laughing)
Never mind.
(bell ringing)
Oh, I'd love to go
on talking like this,
but I must warn you.
Your quiz isn't getting any shorter,
and your examination period is.
Then let us at it.
I should remind you you're
on the modified honor system.
I'll be leaving the room,
and the grading assistants
will be watching you.
And they are both frustrated Nazis.
And if they observe any cheating,
they have been instructed to alert
a highly skilled sniper that I've
placed in the Williams Tower.
He was a gun bearer for the
eagle scout down in Texas.
You mean Charles Whitman,
one of my favorites.
And he's anxious to bag
a few students on his own.
Are there any questions?
He was a real craftsman,
an excellent shot.
And he played it out
to the bitter end.
This guy was dropping
people from blocks...
I hate to interrupt you
on such a lovely note.
But back to business.
Hey!
This ain't the test I been studying.
(laughing)
Well, if you're
gonna buy tests,
you might as well buy them
from somebody who's in the know.
I'm perfectly willing to be
bought if the price is right.
Good luck.
Oh, and don't worry.
I took the test,
and I only missed three.
(laughing)
Have a nice holiday.
And I'll be seeing many of you
back here next semester
in remedial chemistry.
(laughing)
All right. Everybody settle
down and get to work.
I think you've got enough problems
there in front of you without having
to worry about running out of time.
When you finish,
give your paper to one of us
and then you may leave quietly.
- Hello, Lisa.
- Hi.
- Ready to end the semester'?
- Yeah.
I've just about OD'd
on the small town lark.
I'm really ready for
bright lights for awhile.
I remember when I wanted that too.
A little booze, boogie
and then puke your guts out.
That's fun.
I'm not so sure
you're too much beyond that now.
Well, that's the nicest thing
anyone said to me in a long time.
Those kids they
hate taking chemistry.
At least it's new to them.
For me, it's the same old
thing year in, year out.
And then if I do get them to
understand and they graduate,
then I have to start all over again.
Then why don't ya leave?
Because I love the sweet young
girls that throw themselves at me.
(laughing)
Why pull down the shades?
There's nobody left on
campus that we're fooling.
You don't think
I'll kiss and tell, do you?
No.
But I do.
I don't care who knows around here.
But if that red-headed
wife of mine ever finds out,
I'm dead.
So, how about a
little night cap tonight?
Oh, I don't know.
It's your last chance for
some nice firm flesh for awhile.
I leave in the
morning for the big city,
and you're gonna be left with nothing
but that sagging old wife of yours.
She must be almost 30 by now?
Hey, wait a minute.
You're talking about
the woman that I...
( laughs)
Well, mother of my guppies?
Uh-huh, and you love it.
So, it's tonight or who
knows when, hot shot.
How about here and now?
Uh-uh. Sorry.
This is final examination week.
Pop quizzes just won't do.
Tonight, meet me in
my rehearsal room.
And we'll go
upstairs to the art studio.
Art in the dark can be very tactile.
Yeah, I like it.
Studying form and texture.
( Class ) oh!
I can't help it.
I'm brilliant.
( Burps)
And I can't help
it because I'm offensive.
I got better things to do.
I'd like an A, please.
(sinister music)
Oh!
Coach!
You weren't ready, Wildman.
One of these days you
are gonna get yours.
Uh-uh.
You see, I'll be ready.
That's why I'm the teacher,
and you're just a student.
- Hi, Coach.
- Hey, Radish.
When you gonna do your
equipment inventory?
You know we've got a lot of
our good stuff checked out
that didn't come back in yet.
Well, I was planning...
Well, ya see, we don't get much
in the way of athletes around here.
And I got to take a
little pride in somethin'.
You don't think some of
the guys are sneaking off
to try and get in shape, do ya?
They're not stealing the weights,
running the tracks at night
like they could be.
But now if everybody did that,
see I wouldn't have no job.
Wouldn't be nobody around
here for me to holler at.
Oh, look Coach. I got to go.
I'll talk to ya later.
I'll get on that inventory,
Coach, right away.
I got one more exam,
but it's under control.
See ya later.
Hi, guys.
Hey, you two look like
you're never coming back.
Well, it really
depends on our grades.
You never know.
- Have a good break.
- Yeah, y'all too.
- Yeah. You too.
- Bye bye.
(gunshots and screaming)
Oh my God!
Look out!
(screaming)
I can't believe it!
( Gunshots and screaming
continue )
What in the world
is going on out there?
(gunshots)
(screaming)
Lisa! Look!
Operator!
This is an emergency!
Get me the Sheriff!
This is Lanier College calling.
There's been a multiple
shooting on the campus quadrangle!
Listen!
Several students have been shot
and kidnapped in a brown van!
You've got to get out here!
It's happening!
The psychopaths are here!
( Cheering )
Did you see that?
It was horrible!
They shot at us!
It was murder!
Cold-blooded murder and kidnapping!
I almost got killed and
some other people were shot!
How can you be laughing?
Didn't you see what happened?
Yes, I saw it!
But I also saw that the van had
a Gamma fraternity sticker
on the back window!
Oh.
All right! All right!
The Alpha Gamma strikes again!
( Cheering )
What are Gammas?
What are Gammas?
Boy, they sure did fool me.
I should've known it
was a fraternity prank.
Well, I wouldn't have known
either until I saw Wildman's van.
It wasn't very smart.
Neither is Wildman.
( laughing )
I don't know what
looks the least dangerous today.
Me either.
You know, I've never seen
this place so empty before.
I wonder if everybody else
knows something that we don't.
Yeah, they know better then
to have exams on the last day.
( Chuckles )
Everybody's gone home.
I can't wait!
One lousy recital, and I'm off, too.
Can't wait to see some new faces.
Eat in a real restaurant.
Hear some live music.
You want to sit here?
Sure.
Uh-oh.
Look who's coming.
Hello, gorgeous.
I think this one's for you.
Say, did you girls go
to the shooting today?
Very funny.
Were you responsible for
that little display outside?
You're the leader
of all that rabble.
Not me.
I was at the
chemistry test, remember?
Uh-huh.
- The perfect alibi.
- Oh.
Say, by the way, when are we
going on that midnight ride?
(laughing)
Well, hey big boy.
How about never?
(laughing)
Well, everyone likes
to ride in my car,
but what's the matter with you?
- Not a thing.
- Well, hi Janet.
For me, it's not my
first time in a fast car.
I can't believe y'all
did that this afternoon.
No wonder the Gamma House
is always on probation.
Hello, pledge.
Hello, sir.
You know, I've been looking for you.
There's some special duties
that need to be assigned.
I'm really up against the
wall tomorrow at psych exam.
We can do it later, can't we?
Are you refusing the
small request of a brother?
No, sir.
Did I hear you right, pledge?
Let's step outside.
He probably needs his
car waxed. ( laughs )
Well, I hope they don't bother Gary.
He's very sensitive.
When are you going to realize you
don't have to fall in love with
somebody just to get a kiss?
So, the prank went really well, huh?
Sure, yeah.
I mean it worked out
really well, I didn't it?
Absolutely.
Right on schedule.
You know, it was a great idea, sir.
Not only a great idea.
It was a great diversion,
and I made my 82.
Great diversion.
You know something?
I've got another great idea.
You might be ready
for the big league.
Initiation?
No, well...
Well, I'm proud
to be a Gamma pledge, sir.
I mean, we're the best on campus.
That's what I like to hear.
Look, each semester, one pledge is
chosen to perform the solemn duty.
Yeah?
And this semester,
you've been chosen, pledge.
- That's good, isn't it?
- Is it good? It's excellent!
Look, I want you to break into
Dr. Mahern's office
and steal tomorrow's test for me.
You've got to be kidding me, right?
- No.
- I mean, I'm not crazy, sir.
I could get kicked out
of school for doing that.
We all do it, pledge.
We've done it.
But this time, it's your turn.
I can't do that, sir.
Hey, Gammas!
( laughs)
That was great!
What a stunt!
(mimicking gunfire)
Yeah! We were great!
Weren't we?
Wildman.
We've got a little problem.
This pledge doesn't want
to steal the exam for us.
Oh!
Does he want his
brothers to have to study?
- It's not that, Wildman.
- Pledge, pledge.
I want that test by 9:00 tonight.
All you have to do is
jump over the door,
and you're out in 30 seconds.
I don't know if it's
gonna be that easy.
Oh pledge!
Listen, listen.
You think about it.
And I think you're gonna
find out that it's real easy.
Bye.
He'll do it.
Oh, like a maniac.
Let's go.
I should've had a salad
instead of this spaghetti.
Well, why didn't you?
Hi.
- Well?
- What?
What did he want?
It's fraternity business.
I can't tell you.
Another secret?
I hate all these silly secrets!
I know you do, Janet,
but it's a lot of fun.
Well, do you think it's
much fun for me to sit here
and eat lunch without you?
( laughing ) No, of course not.
Well, it isn't like
it's the first time, Gary.
Yeah, I know.
And I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Uh-oh.
Time to go.
You want to hear a secret?
What?
I don't want to tell you in here
in front of all these people, silly.
Well, I got to go study.
I'll see you guys later.
Oh! Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
(Sirens)
All right.
What's going on out here?
We was told there was a shooting.
Multiple shootings at that.
We better find a multiple shooting
or somebody is gonna wish that
a multiple shooting was
all the troubles he had.
Now, who called?
There seems to have been
a misunderstanding, Sheriff.
We've all been the victim
of a harmless college prank.
You call me?
We got all our calls on tape
so you might as well admit it.
I didn't deny that I called you.
I thought it was real.
It could've been.
I mean, senseless murders
are a modern phenomena.
Can I help it if people are crazy?
These type of murders
happen all the time.
Oh, they happen,
but not in my county.
And not on my supper time.
Suppose you tell me about it.
Well, a group of masked perpetrators
simulated a terrorist style raid
in which several co-conspirators
pretended injury or death.
It's not my fault.
Where'd you learn to talk like that?
( Chuckles )
Watching "Dragnet".
Anybody recognize 'em?
Or their car?
Oh yeah, it was a brown van.
Fortunately, I got
the license number.
Why didn't you tell me?
Let me have that.
Jesse, this is Sheriff calling.
Listen, can you give me a
rundown on a brown van?
License number MPM112.
10-4.
Where you going, bulldog?
I got a exam.
It'll wait.
Vehicle's registered
to John Chandlis
of Shelby, North Carolina.
No outstanding warrants.
He's clean, Sheriff.
Out.
Anybody know a John Chandlis?
Is that your daddy, bulldog?
Actually, Sheriff,
he didn't kill anybody.
I mean, it was a...
it was just a joke.
There's about 50
laws that he did break,
one of which was getting me to ride
all the way out here for nothing.
But I guess I could run
this bird in on that one.
Well, I'm sure
nobody meant any harm.
I mean, sometimes students
just have to let off a little steam.
Hello there, Quinton.
Get yourself some criminals here?
Didn't you hear about
that multiple shooting?
Did these guys do it?
I thought it was pretty funny
myself, didn't you?
Bulldog here was in on it.
But you know I think I'm
gonna take 'em all in.
Maybe bust a few heads.
Now, Quinton,
that don't sound like you.
You used to enjoy a good time
until you got so full of yourself.
That's a little different.
But now, I do remember a time
when the library caught on fire,
and somebody hid the fire
hose from the fire department.
You guys sat around
dranking beer all night,
chanting, "Damn good fire" until
the place burnt down to the ground.
(laughing)
Oh now, you think
that's funny, don't ya?
You think that's funny?
Well, we'll just see!
'Cause one of these days you
boys are gonna be in trouble,
and I am going to be
there to take you home!
See, these boys are
looking at a bad end.
Bulldog, me and you gonna lock
horns again one of these days.
And when we do,
you gonna get one phone call.
Don't you lose this
dime 'cause if you do,
ain't nobody ever
gonna here from you again.
Hey there, Sheriff.
What do you need?
Well, every thing's under
control around here, Sheriff.
Now you know good and well
that I'm holding up my end.
And there's not one bit of
crime on this whole campus.
Not yet.
I gotta get to work.
Hey, Coach.
We still going
hunting in the morning?
Not if you've been drinking, Mitch.
Now you know that I
don't hunt with no boozer.
Well, I don't either.
Coach!
When you gonna
put away them toys?
You know that bull hunting's
only for Indians and moonshiners!
When I get so old and ornery
that I can't hit nothing except
with a scatter gun,
I'll give you a call.
I got to get to work, boys.
Hey, Coach.
You can pick me up
down here at Moore Hall,
and I'm gonna clock out
now at sun up, ya hear?
We'll see.
(music)
Are you still at it?
Yeah.
I want to get a good grade.
Why?
Is that so bad?
No, but once you get out of school,
nobody cares what your grades were.
The important thing to know
is how to get what you want.
That's who'll help you later on.
Not grades.
Yeah, but good grades can't hurt.
Neither can good times.
I'd rather know how to flirt.
One thing's for sure, you'll
never catch me studying chemistry.
Not while there's a man teaching it.
Watch!
Hi. Excuse me.
Could one of you give me a hand?
Sure.
Oh, thanks.
I just wanted to carry these
down to my car
so I didn't have to
do it in the morning.
Are you sure you don't mind?
No.
( laughs)
No, No.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
See how easy it is?
I just don't know what I
would've done without you boys.
(music)
Hi, Radish.
Do you have any aspirin?
Sure.
I've been reading so
long that my brain hurts.
What's the matter?
Oh, life.
It's just not fair.
No, but at least it's
not fair to everybody.
Or is that a paradox?
You know some people
have it so much easier.
You mean Lisa?
Is it that obvious?
It's only logical.
You're living with
a girl that has a free ride.
It looks easy, but she'll
pay a price sooner or later.
There is no free brunch.
I'm not jealous.
Well, not the bad kind of jealousy.
But it's just so easy for her.
I guess that's what I resent.
It's natural.
- Well, I like Lisa.
- I know.
It's not her fault.
But I just don't know what
I'm gonna be able to do
when I get out of school.
And she can get
anything that she wants.
Okay. Okay.
She knows how to use
what she's got, but well,
you have different qualities.
You men have it so easy.
You know what
you want from the beginning,
and you can just go
right out there and get it.
Yeah. Right.
I want to be on a SWAT team.
I sound like a silly girl, don't I?
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the aspirin.
You don't sound silly to me.
Lisa?
Hmmm.
Hi.
Has anyone been in here?
Um, no. Why?
I don't know.
Seems like some of my
things were moved around.
I can't find the book
I was just reading.
Well, is there
anything else missing?
Oh, no, no. I didn't mean
anyone would steal.
Doesn't it feel like to you
something's wrong around here?
( scream )
I don't think that was funny!
Well, I don't either!
You don't think I did that?
But it was your book.
Introduction to Abnormal Psychology.
Oh, pardon me. I'm so glad
there's still somebody here.
Guess what?
I've got a secret.
It's just wonderful.
Oh, I bet you're in love.
No, of course not.
Well, I mean, sure I'm in love.
But that's nothing new.
It sure isn't.
Not for you, princess.
Anway, it's better than that.
I can't tell you.
It's a secret.
Then why did you
burst in here yelling,
"Hey! Guess what?"
Because if you guess it,
I won't be telling a secret.
- I bet it's Gary, isn't it?
- Uh-huh.
- Really?
- That's great!
Uh, that means you got pinned.
Oh, you guessed.
But please don't tell anybody!
It really is a secret.
He'll kill me!
Wait a minute!
He should be proud.
He should want people to know.
Well, it's not that.
If his fraternity brothers find out,
they'll tree him and torture him.
Well, he doesn't want
to go through that.
How romantic.
He must really love you.
He just doesn't want to be tied
to a tree and covered with ice
until I can rescue him!
Personally, I think
it might be sexy.
But you're not the
one covered in ice.
Well, come on.
Let's see it.
What?
The pin, silly.
The thing you're so excited about.
Oh.
Oh my God!
I lost it.
He's gonna kill me!
Well are you sure you
pinned it on right?
Gary did it.
He should know how.
It's his pin.
He pinned it right on my sweater.
I'll be he loved that.
It's probably caught in your shirt.
He's got to have the pin for the
pledge meetings or he's gonna be in
real trouble with the brothers!
(laughing)
It's not funny!
Yes, it is!
I found your pin right
where Gary pinned it.
Turn around.
Where was the sweater
when he pinned you?
In your lap?
It doesn't matter where it was!
We're in love.
(laughing)
Ooh, I think we were
a little too hard on her.
(music)
Conference time four eyes.
Come in, Igor.
You know I'm not believing
you called the cops
on the mighty house of Gamma.
Giving that dumb Sheriff my
tag number was not a good idea.
- Well, I didn't realize...
- Now, I have to kill you!
Wildman, you shouldn't
perpetrate a crime
unless you've considered
all the consequences.
But don't feel bad.
So many great crimes
are ruined by tiny slip ups.
I'm talking about death!
I'm talking about cold,
clammy, maggot infested death!
Hey, that's enough, Wildman.
Come on.
- Oh'.
- Come on. Let's go.
(music)
( footsteps )
Bull's eye.
That wasn't so bad after all.
(door closing )
(screaming)
Hello, pledge.
- How'd you do?
- Just fine.
Is this it?
You might be Gamma
material after all.
If he makes it through night.
(laughing)
Hey, I did it.
Now, let me go.
I got to study, too, ya know?
Sir!
Sir.
You know I'm afraid it's
not gonna be that simple.
Now you want to be a Gamma?
And you do!
You do!
I do! I do!
You're going to have to learn how
to abide by all the lofty ideals
and traditions of our noble brother.
Yeah, I know.
But I got to study too, sir.
Well then where's your pledge pin?
Oh!
(yelling)
- Tie 'em up!
- Let me go!
Get his clothes off!
Let's get some water on him!
And shaving cream!
Hey!
(yelling)
Get off me!
- Woohoo!
- Let's get those ropes tied!
- All right! All right!
- Let's get those ropes tied!
Woohoo!
Are you okay?
Please someone
get me out of here!
Yeah!
(screaming)
Is it cold?
Tell Janet to
get me out of here!
I'll go get her!
Tell her to hurry!
Well, pledge.
That's all there is to it.
We just wanted to make sure
that you're really in love
because we don't want any unhappy
romances at the Gamma house.
I love her!
Really, I do!
(laughing)
Let's set it on fire!
We can't do that, Wildman.
He's got his love
to keep him warm.
(laughing)
Let's get back to the house.
- Yeah!
- Woohoo!
Has anyone seen Janet?
- Uh-uh.
- It's really important.
If you see her,
tell her they treed Gary.
Poor thing.
You know, she's supposed to
stay where someone can find her.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Can't you see that I'm studying?
Janet'.
What's the matter with you?
Hey, you were so
happy this afternoon.
I'm still happy.
It's just that I'm depressed.
Well then, let's hear it.
It's Gary.
I'm starting to have doubts.
Oh, you are?
Well, that happens to everyone.
It'll work out.
It's not that
I don't love him a lot.
I've never loved anyone
so much since Johnny Wooker
in the 10th grade.
But it's just never
been so serious before.
You're just pinned.
It's not legal or anything.
In fact, it's still a secret.
Well, I may have gotten
a little carried away.
I'm afraid, a few people
already know, too.
Even so, it's just a pledge pin.
It only means what you
and Gary want it to.
Well then, why do they make
such a big deal out of it?
They harrass you to
death if they find out.
Nobody ever did that in high school,
and I went steady with lots of guys.
Yes, I know.
I used to think
fraternaties were cool.
(laughing ) I'll tell you,
you're tied to a tree,
and you just want to
finish him off right there.
We can't do that.
We wouldn't be able to abuse him!
Hmmm.
Without pledges, man,
we'd have to go into town
and spend money for fun.
Oh.
( Phone ringing )
Pledge!
Gamma House.
Test or pills.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, we could get him.
Yeah, but I've got to tell you
that during final exams
prices rise with demand.
Okay-
I'll see you in an hour.
You know where
we can get any speed?
Oh, no.
I don't use that stuff.
It keeps me awake.
I know that, dummy.
I mean, some people do study.
We're out of pills!
Nobody has any pills anymore!
You realize we could make a killing?
You know, I believe in
studying the old fashioned way,
with stolen tests. ( laughs )
Look, if we could find tests,
we could find pills.
Don't they have any pills in
the Coach's training room?
No! No!
Those are pain pills.
Those didn't help me study.
Well, who cares?
If they give you a buzz,
so much the better.
Look, you can get 'em.
Don't ya have a key?
Yeah, I got a key
to the weight room.
That's just to work out, though.
I can't get into the pills
unless I break the door down.
(gargles)
You got it.
Um-hum.
Oh no! No! No!
They'll know someone broke in!
Remember our friend, Radish?
We still owe him one.
Oh! Oh! ( laughs)
The more damage, the better.
( laughs )
This looks like a job for Wildman!
Woohoo!
( Crying )
It's okay.
Just relax.
Relax a little more..
You need to stop
talking to yourself.
Jan will be here soon.
Oh, please, Janet be here soon!
That bitch is always late.
Janet?
Janet, is that you?
Janet?
Hello?
Anybody, can you help me?
I'm freezing!
- Over here.
- Oh, good Mitch.
Untie me quick, okay?
I'm freezing!
- I can't rightly do that.
- What?
Working man just never
messes with tradition.
Why you done
been treed there, boy'.!
Yeah, I know!
A man takes a woman.
He's got to pay that price.
Come on, Mitch!
I'll pay ya anything!
- Untie me!
- Pay me? With what?
Your good looks?
I can't untie you, but I
tell you what we can do.
We can drink a toast to
that new woman of yours.
Oh, good.
You can have yours
on the rocks. ( laughs)
You old fart!
Janet Mccordle!
Janet, they treed Gary!
Why didn't you ever pledge?
I mean, I'm sure you could have.
Well, of course, I could have.
But I just don't like
their hazing and all.
Well, yeah.
But it's not always so bad.
Okay.
Maybe not always.
But last year,
a girl killed herself
because a sorority
wouldn't accept her.
How awful!
Which sorority?
She jumped from the top of
McWilliams Tower six floors!
Well, I bet it made
them feel terrible.
That's the point, Janet.
It doesn't matter
how bad they felt.
It wasn't worth it.
- Oh.
- Janet Mccordle!
Has anybody seen Janet Mccordle?
In here!
Courtney's room.
Oh good, there you are.
I've been looking all over for you!
They treed Gary.
You better go quick!
He's probably dead by now!
That's all so childish.
I don't think I want
anything to do with it.
What about poor Gary?
Are you gonna leave
him out there all night?
Well, that's his
silly old fraternity.
(laughing)
I guess you're right.
I still love him.
Good for you.
Go get 'em.
Oh good!
Want to come too, Courtney?
- Sure. I can go for that.
- No, no!
Really, I want to do this by myself.
I want to make it up to him
for going through all this.
Sure.
Just be gentle.
(laughing)
- So what are you playing?
- Solitaire.
- Oh, good.
- Elizabeth!
(shivering )
( branch breaks )
Hello?
Is anybody there?
Can you help me?
Come on, whoever you are.
Give me a break.
( Footsteps )
Is that you, Mark?
Wildman, don't you ever give up?
What am I supposed to think
that you're the Gamma goblin?
Janet? Terrific!
That's right.
Get me off first and kiss me later!
Hurry!
Cut the other rope!
Janet?
Where are you?
Hello?
Who's there?
Hello?
Is anybody there?
That's a stupid question.
Somebody's got to be there.
Who is it?
Ugh!
Ugh!
Yoohoo!
Gary!
Well, where are you?
Gary?
Gary?
Gary, is that you?
Gary? It's me!
Gar)!-
How did you get away?
Gar)!-
What's the matter?
That is you, isn't it?
Gary?
( Scream )
Pills!
( Footsteps )
Woohoo! Pills!
( Clank)
Who's there?
Hello?
Who's there?
Hello?
Who's there?
Stop screwing around!
( Scream )
Ugh!
( Choking )
(grunting)
(grunting)
(gasping)
( buzzer)
He should've been back by now.
You guys, go to your dorm,
and I'll go find Wildman.
And I'll bring you
the pills personally, okay?
Hi.
Are you drinking?
I always drink Irish whiskey
at the end of the term.
Would you care to join
me in the celebration?
Oh!
( laughing )
Well, that's terrible!
How can you drink that?
- Don't you ever lock your door?
- What could happen to me?
Famous last words.
Why are you so apprehensive?
When are you going to realize
that the whole world isn't made of
psychopaths skulking about?
But they are out there.
They do exist.
People are killed every
day for no reason at all.
Perfect strangers wake up
in the morning and decide,
"Hmm... I think it's a good day
to snuff somebody."
And there are people who eat
at our restaurants with us,
use our highways and
vote for the President,
which probably explains
something about him, too.
I'm not paranoid.
I'm just facing unhappy facts.
Well, will you please stop it?
Because I don't think it's
cute like some people might.
Hey, what's wrong with you?
I'm sorry.
I'm just tired.
Everybody's gone home.
It just feels creepy.
- I apologize.
- It's okay.
Where's Lisa?
Oh, out.
Working on organic chemistry,
I suppose?
Well, just like I told you.
A pretty face and you can
have the world by the tail.
She doesn't have to
study to make it.
She can't lose.
Well, I don't have to study
to make it either, you know?
( laughs)
Why is it that you can
always make me laugh?
Um, I got to go do my
inventory for the Coach.
- Tonight?
- Well, some time.
May as well be tonight.
I've already mastered everything
I need for my exam tomorrow.
Being brilliant has it's drawbacks.
I'm bored.
Just like you were
bored with the key club.
I never said that.
You didn't have to.
Well, I got to go.
Good luck on your test tomorrow.
Thank you.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
Do me a favor and lock the door.
I'll feel better.
I'll feel better, too.
It has been a little spooky lately.
( Knock at door)
- Radish?
- Yeah.
You have a pretty face, too.
Prettier than Lisa, really.
There's more there.
I just wanted to tell ya that.
Lock this door, too.
That was stupid, kid.
I can't believe you said that.
(sinister music)
Wildman.
You here?
Hey, it's just me, Mark.
Well, I told him to
make it look good.
(sinister music)
(clanking)
(clanking)
(sinister music)
( banging )
( screams )
(grunts)
Hmm.
Aha!
Shades of Watergate.
Oh boy.
You guys have really
done it this time.
It's happening.
It's happening here.
Police!
Call the police!
Oh God.
Operator!
This is an emergency!
Give me the Sheriff, please!
Sheriff here.
Sheriff, this is one of the
students from Lanier College
from this afternoon.
There's been another
murder at the college.
I mean, not another
murder but a murder.
And this time it's real.
There's a body.
Is this one of them
fraternity jokes?
No, sir!
It's not a joke!
This is real!
I know I thought the other one...!
I know I thought the
other one was real,
but this... this is different!
There's a dead body right here!
And some other weird
things are happening, too.
- We need help, Sheriff.
- Call me in the morning.
- It's your job!
- You telling me my job, boy?
No, sir!
I'm not trying to tell you your job.
But somebody should.
There's a murderer
killing people around campus.
You should want to know about it!
Look!
There's a guy here who is dead!
And we could all be in danger.
Fine!
I'll take charge myself then!
Courtney!
(sinister music)
( bang )
Charlie?
(door closing )
Courtney! It's me, Radish!
Let me in! Courtney!
(grunting and screams)
(door closing )
Wonderful.
I'll give you art in the dark.
Oh my God!
Stop it, Radish!
That's not funny!
I mean it! Come on!
You scared me to death!
Come on, Radish.
I want you to move!
Come on, smile!
Radish.
Radish.
( Screams )
Is anybody there?
Somebody help me, please!
Is anybody there?
Please, I need help!
Is anybody there?
Please, I need help!
Somebody please help me!
(sinister music)
( footsteps )
( blowing )
Is this the vision
you've been dreaming of?
The masterpiece?
I promised you form, texture.
Mitch? Mitch!
Mitch!
Mitch! Mitch, wake up!
Mitch, Radish has been killed!
He's dead! Wake up!
Somebody got to do something!
Lisa!
(grunting)
( screams )
Lisa!
Dr. Reynolds!
Come on, you guys!
It's me, Courtney!
Look, I know you're here!
Lisa!
Dr. Reynolds!
Please, I need your help!
This is important!
Come on!
This is serious!
It's an emergency!
Come on, you guys!
Come out!
I know that you're here!
Please!
Lisa?
Come on, both of you.
Please!
( Screams )
(grunting)
( breaking glass )
Uh!
( Phone ringing )
This telephone
cannot dial numbers on campus.
Please check with the
campus operator for assistance.
Answer this phone!
( Screams )
Ugh!
(crying) No! No!
( Screams )
Help me! Help!
Hey, Mitch!
(horn honking)
Mitch! Time to go!
Come on!
(sinister music)
(horn honking)
Help me!
I'm up here!
There's a killer up here!
UP here!
Help!
All right, freeze!
Hold it right there!
Make one more move
towards that girl,
I swear I'm gonna hang
your head on my wall!
Ugh!
No!
Help me! Please!
No!
No!
No! No!
No!
No!
( Screams )
(music)
( screams )
(music)