Five (2016) Movie Script
1
To look at me now,
I seem like the chick
out to piss people off,
posting selfies,
chilling out on the beach,
saying "How's Paris, guys?"
The chick who chucked it all
to start a new life.
But I didn't decide to live here.
I just want to go back to Paris.
But for the moment,
no way.
I'd often wondered
how far one'd go for friends.
If there was a limit.
When I ask myself now,
I know the answer.
But a year ago, I had no idea.
I was miles away.
Go, go, go!
Almost!
Go for it!
I got 20 on blondie.
Go on! I put 50 on you!
Don't look at your dad, focus!
Can't catch a single one!
He sucks!
The spliff smoker is Timothy.
He's terrific. Get this:
He's on his fourth freshman year.
First it was Economics.
Then Art.
Then Philosophy.
Now English.
But the dummy
thinks it's cooler to say "American."
He should be a cook...
Tonight's special:
tartare of clit
and a julienne of rump.
It's always a treat.
It's salmon.
Where's he gonna end up?
That guy can do and say
the dumbest things...
- Do me a blowback?
- Cut it out!
Come on!
I don't feel like it.
C'mon, don't be a drag.
But you forgive him.
Only one round left.
The one trying to cheat
is my favorite.
Vadim was a quiet little boy,
but now he's got phobias,
he's a hypochondriac
and a nervous wreck.
I first met him
at my 4th birthday at Mickey D's.
I knew right off he liked me.
When a little butterball gives you
his only cheeseburger,
it's pretty obvious.
Nestor's the black hunk.
He's cramming for his bar exams.
When he's focused like that,
nothing distracts him...
Except...
Nestor doesn't talk much,
but he doesn't need to.
I was interning at William & Co.
This report's shit.
Actually,
it was just after William & Co.
Hey, I've always been polite.
Relax!
Shove your report!
How dare you!
Little preppie cocksucker
in your crummy cardigan and loafers!
- Pervert!
- Excuse me?
That means, go suck a trans!
You slob!
What'd I say?
Go on!
Hit the ring and it's a sure win!
- Talk about a reversal!
- Shit!
Hand over the dough.
Samuel's a different trip:
a chronic optimist.
It'll be fine.
I promised you the concert.
In 10 minutes...
We're only 30 miles away.
Trust me.
Happy birthday!
Always out to please.
I got a size 8.
They only had these big boxes.
The receipt, for exchanges.
Yeppa!
He's rich. His dad made a mint
in the rag trade.
"Esteem is founded on comparison:"
He wants to act.
"To honor all men is to honor none."
He'll do anything to make it.
I'm not sure of the moves.
But that feels right.
The standing deal is:
Samuel supposedly stays
in medical school,
and his dad supports him.
Blood was spurting all over.
We lost the guy's pulse,
resuss table, I guided them:
a 260 shock,
then a 360 shock
and we got a pulse back.
He came around.
Nice going!
That's routine.
Hop in, my lovelies.
When we met in grade school,
we swore we'd live together one day.
All five of us.
What? No more chocolate ones?
They ate 'em all.
I doze off and they're gone!
Faster! You're crawling.
Can't scratch the rims.
Dad'll be pissed.
What's he care? He's got 15 others.
Yeah, with nice rims.
"15 others, with nice rims..."
I hear you jiving me in the rearview!
I'll let you have it!
Move it, you snail!
A real trek at the end.
I'm starved!
Hey, city slickers.
Trashing out?
You bet we are.
What's that mean?
I dunno.
Your dad around?
In the barn. C'mon.
I love it when a plan comes together.
The A-Team.
I got it.
I said no, Jules.
Don't push. I gave you a deal.
20 euros for a half-ounce,
in Paris it goes for 80.
You win. 200.
Here.
It's not always cut rate!
I'll take 10 ounces, please.
I don't sell so you can deal.
I'm not in business.
What?
Why what?
We're a local group,
we get together,
compare growing techniques.
It's our hobby. Understand?
- That's great but I...
- Yeah, it's great.
No problem, but it's not to sell.
It's for my personal use.
You shitting me?
You smoke 15 joints a day?
Thanks, Gerard.
He's nuts.
Nothing for you?
- Who, me?
- Yes, you!
I'm an actor, so my body's my tool.
But I figure some day
I might try a joint and check out
the Actor's Studio trip...
to experience it like Daniel...
Day Lewis.
The guy walks away...
Seriously?
In the middle of my sentence.
He saw you weren't a customer.
That's awful!
Farmer's hooch, it burns!
Man!
- She's so gorgeous!
- Who?
Julia! I didn't tell you.
lt was so awkward.
We were just smoking a joint.
I say, "C'mon, do me a blowback."
She says no.
I say "Please, do me a blowback."
She agrees,
turns the joint around,
and when she leans in
my palms are wet, I get shivers,
and a stiffy! Believe it?
You serious? She's like our sister!
I know, man.
I was so embarrassed.
But I had such a boner.
I was like this,
my fly
was gonna pop any second.
This big bump in my jeans.
I was in a bad way...
A half woody
going sideways...
I'll spare the details.
Imagine the mess
if you slept with Julia.
I know man, but it was sincere.
A sincere boner.
Okay, pal?
Man, am I in the mood to copulate.
He's sick.
Look at that girl.
I want to make love to her,
just to see.
What's so funny?
What's so funny?
Because you already did,
it makes me laugh.
A good joke.
You're right!
You forgot?
I totally forgot.
The guy's insane. He forgets!
Julia, c'mere.
Lemme borrow her a sec.
Hear ye, hear ye,
villeins and damsels,
half-breeds
and hash-smokers,
fall at my feet,
for I have found us
a keep, nay, a castle,
what says he?
A fucking apartment!
- What?
- 5 bedrooms, top floor,
balcony, open kitchen,
huge living room, elevator,
can you beat that?
Vadim, why shake your head?
It'll cost a fortune!
The sweet sound of the killjoy
who ruins the mood.
I'm not. But I can't pay 2000 euros.
You won't! How much can you pay?
We said 500.
You know what?
You each pay 500.
That makes 2000.
Trust me, I'll pay the rest.
And we'll finally
have a place to share!
My lunch!
Tornado!
Nice molding.
Yes... molding...
It's molding.
He'll be here any minute.
He's a little late.
Shit, I overslept!
Perfect. Sorry again for being late.
Tough surgery this morning,
I had to pitch in.
That's hospitals! The beeper going,
the gurney breaks,
the EKG won't start,
a tough morning in ER.
Never mind.
I'll stop.
Your application
was very weak, but...
But I know your father well,
so I bent the rules.
Thanks, that's very kind.
Moreover,
are you aware
the lease is in your name?
I know. That won't be a problem.
Well then, let's sign.
The signature!
Where do I sign?
There... and there.
Fine.
- The keys.
- Right, the keys.
So, did we do it or didn't we?
We sure did it!
I hope it's cool. I gave up my flat.
What wouldn't be cool?
We have the keys.
The place is sensational.
You're a damn genius.
In fact, we got you a gift.
Honestly?
"Sam's treat."
Funny, isn't it?
Pretty cool.
Thanks so much.
You treat us.
Let's tie one on tonight. I'm ready!
Not tonight. Dad's birthday tomorrow.
And rehearsal.
Not helping us move?
Sure, but tonight
I gotta take it easy.
There, that's better.
That's better.
I've been to lots of doctors
for my problem.
They've found nothing.
Here,
I'll show you
Not only does it itch,
but it keeps oozing pus.
- Look!
- I'm looking.
Holy cow!
I saw, I see.
What is it?
I see. You've got a fagnus.
What's a fagnus?
A little like eczema.
But yours has pus.
You have the kind with pus.
It's a real bother!
Sure it's a bother,
for everyone.
Check her out, man!
The concierge's daughter.
She's eying me.
Every time I go by.
She's not my type.
You have a type?
I kinda like her.
Cut the racket!
Sorry for moving in.
That's not my problem.
I've got my eye on you.
It's forbidden to use the elevator.
Sure. Out of the way.
Go piss on your hands, you mutt!
Take it easy, Jules.
You pussy out in a second.
- But don't...
- I will!
He'll hassle us.
Down you go!
- What're you doing?
- What?
What if someone walks in?
I dunno, we tell 'em.
We can't hide
now that we all live together.
Hold your horses.
I don't want it to mess up the gang.
If we keep using rubbers,
we're not telling.
That's different.
No it's not. Dammit, Vad!
Hey! I'm on the pill, we did tests,
and you treat me like a piece of ass.
It's just that
I'm not sure tests are reliable.
Here they are, the bastards!
Taking a break? I'm hot to trot!
Enough...
Cut it out!
I'm okay.
You doctors are lucky.
You put us right at ease.
Never could I talk about
my vaginal dryness
if you weren't a doctor.
Yes, for that, we're lucky.
You sure are.
My husband's ill!
My son's a doctor. Sam!
Hurry!
A doctor, quick!
- What's going on?
- A seizure.
So...
He doesn't look too good.
Move back, please.
Let him breathe.
Blood gas okay...
Pulse, not bad.
Pupils dilated.
Right?
- I don't know.
- Never mind.
Now the fetal safety position,
so that he'll be okay.
- So far, so good.
- Mouth to mouth.
- What?
- Mouth to mouth.
Not at all. That's an urban legend.
Totally wrong.
We'll wake him up.
Wake up, mister.
Mouth to mouth has worked before!
If you want, okay.
Here we go.
You sure? I can hear him breathing.
Mouth to mouth might be redundant.
- Go on!
- Mouth to mouth.
- Do something!
- I'm doing my best.
Here we go.
This is serious.
It's serious.
I'm not a doctor.
Call someone!
I'm not a doctor.
For 3 years, dammit!
3 years!
How long were you going
to keep up the charade?
lt wasn't a charade.
Me paying for you to pretend
to go to med school isn't a charade?
I had no choice!
I want to act, that's my thing.
No choice?
How about the truth?
You ever tell the truth?
What would I gain?
You never believed in it.
You never thought
it was a real dream,
something I could do!
You'd never have agreed.
Look at me
and say you'd have approved.
Quit the sob story
of the unloved son.
I'll slap you.
Go on, maybe it'll change things.
Making me look like a fool
in front of my friends!
Give me your wallet.
What?
Give it to me!
See how you do with a debit card.
You serious?
That all you care about,
not giving me money?
Not only will I never give you
another cent,
but I hope I never see
your stupid mug again.
Finally!
Hey, man.
Your party not too much of a drag?
lt was okay.
What's the matter?
Actually...
Sam, c'mon! We've been waiting.
I'm coming, guys.
You got troubles?
Nope, no trouble. I'm just tired.
Thank you, Sam!
Give him a drink.
Yeppa!
Here's to you.
I'm running late. Sorry.
It's okay.
It's open!
I'm in the living room.
Sorry, I'm late.
I noticed.
I don't think
I can work on a scene today.
I can't even get my lines down.
But what's wrong?
Since when do you smoke that?
Since I've needed it.
Meaning?
None of your business.
So what's wrong?
Why don't you want to work?
I had a fight with my dad.
ls that all?
I thought it was serious.
Well, it is pretty serious.
He never wants to see me again.
You know what they say?
When the family's gone,
you still have your friends.
Do friends stay
when you let them down?
Yes.
Real friends do.
Kilo, over there!
No, Kilo!
Beat it.
- Have a nice evening.
- You, too.
I'll get your car, Ms. Ardant.
Do you mind if Samuel handles it?
No, no problem.
- He knows it well.
- I understand.
I'll get it right away.
Thank you.
Have a nice evening.
The dame gets a million per film
and not even a tip!
Did she tip you?
Tightwad.
Don't exaggerate. You can't judge.
- Tightwad.
- Okay, she's a tightwad.
- How's it going?
- Okay, and you?
- Here.
- Great.
Not a word to the others.
And not a word to my dad.
No, I'm busy!
- C'mon. Open up.
- I'm busy, man!
- Open up!
- I said I'm busy.
Open up, dammit!
What d'you want?
Jerkin' the gherkin?
No, I'm not "jerkin' the gherkin."
Then why lock the door?
I can't want privacy
if I'm not masturbating?
No, so let me in.
- Why not?
- Okay, I'm beating off.
You're jerking off.
And about to finish up.
You got a stiffy?
What porn do you use?
"Jacquie et Michel" is great.
No, nothing wild.
A threesome in POV
with busty milfs. I'm at the cumshot.
- Nice!
- There you are.
Way to go!
The chicks hot?
Dogs! Ugly chicks.
- So why?
- I'm joking. Of course they're hot.
Go check the fridge for a surprise.
Really?
- What is it?
- Go look.
Another treat?
Go look, champ.
World champion!
Thank you, Sam!
What a beaut! Hot damn!
I'll make you a colombo
that'll knock your socks off.
Here we go.
And with this,
Parkinson's my ass!
Look.
lt works well.
You know,
more and more hospital patients
are smoking it with me.
Really?
You bet.
Listen,
apart from that,
any progress with Maia?
I wouldn't say progress.
Call it a preliminary stage...
Get on with it!
Or someone else'll get the...
Don't make such a face.
Make no mistake:
If you hesitate, you'll lose her.
But you don't have to do
your Marceau dick mime.
Hear me out.
For 6 months
I hid my passion and fled.
I fled from you and suffered so.
These men mean nothing to me.
I love you.
Oh, my God!
How dare I speak so to your majesty?
What can I do?
Order me to die
and I will die.
My heart is filled with dread.
Forgive me.
Oh! Don't stop!
Ravish me!
No one has ever spoken to me so.
I'm listening.
Camille, it's Sam. Just to say
I sold all the meat,
so it would be good
to meet this week.
Maia?
What's going on?
- What is it?
- I'm okay.
I just get nosebleeds when I'm moved.
That's a new one.
You were great on that scene tonight.
You liked it?
Yeah.
We ought to work on it together.
Together,
both of us?
Yeah, sure.
I totally want to.
- You and me.
- Yes, totally you and me.
I've got your number,
so call me and we'll make a date.
If you've got my number,
why don't you call me?
Even better. Much smarter.
Obvious, in fact.
I'll call, and that's that.
You answer and say yes or no.
In fact, you answer, or you don't.
I don't want to interfere.
Will you answer?
I'm joking. It's not the best joke...
Each is free...
- So...
- I'll be going.
I'm going, too.
So long.
I've got a scooter.
Want me to ride you?
I mean, give you a ride?
Totally! That'd be sweet.
I love scooters. You get all the...
Yeah, great sensations.
Shit! No helmet.
Never mind.
So I'll go...
- On foot.
- I'll walk home.
'Bye.
Tell me, love.
What?
ls your esthetician on the lam?
What makes you say that?
It's a bit messy around the bush.
Take a look at yourself!
It's an Afro!
I like your hair,
when you're near me.
Very funny.
Out of solidarity,
I'm willing to get a trim.
I can't decide what style, though.
Maybe a blow-dry,
sort of uptown class.
Or more exotic and daring,
a goatee like Jafar's under the nuts,
old-style.
Very funny.
Like the Barber of Seville.
It'd be funny.
Thinking of you, Julia. Big hugs.
Delete
Look, I tidied it up.
She surely thought it was a bad idea.
lt jeopardized your friendship.
Think so?
Definitely. Now play it cool.
Forget you sent that text.
I was ready to go on the offensive.
To shut her up like this...
And kiss her.
I'd move my fingers.
Cool it with Julia.
It'll mess things up.
Try the concierge's daughter.
She likes you.
I'm trying, but it's tough going.
You're home?
This is Maia, guys.
Timothy... My pleasure.
Relax.
lt stinks in here. Something awful.
Let's go to my room.
Think he's doing her?
That's the babe from the theater.
A serenade, he'll touch her earlobe,
and they're in raptures.
Right, little serenades and...
He'll say stuff like,
"Sir, don't you..."
I get the picture.
I love you.
How dare I speak so to your majesty?
What can I do?
You don't know what a serenade is.
Order me to die and I will die.
My heart is filled with dread.
Forgive me.
Don't stop.
Ravish me.
No one has ever spoken to me so.
I'm listening.
Your soul speaks to me
and overwhelms me so.
I need your eyes,
I need your voice.
I...
What is it?
Nothing.
There's nothing.
Man, you called?
What's that stink at the house?
Sorry, it's the hash I'm smoking.
lt reeks.
But hang on. I went in your room.
What's the deal?
The blood! You slaughter a sheep?
First, man,
never go in my room. Got that?
Second, the blood is Maia's.
She had a problem.
Wait. Since when d'you smoke
hash?
Gerard can't sell us grass any more,
so the hash is to tide me over.
Did she have her period?
Blood on the sheets!
Why can't Gerard sell grass?
What's up?
Because
the guy got his barn cleaned out.
That's what they said.
Was she a virgin?
Is that it?
Better yet:
you cornholed her.
You cornholed her, right?
Man!
Bumfucks her and hangs up on me!
You've reached Camille's cell.
I'm not available.
Where do I park Mr. Renato's car?
- I'll park it.
- I can do it.
Leave it. Move!
Camille?
See the mess?
What happened?
They cleaned us out. We're done.
Didn't leave us an ounce!
What am I gonna do?
It'll take 6 months to grow more.
I'm sorry.
Hi Timothy.
I'm fine. And you?
- How's it going?
- And you?
Great.
Later!
Take care.
Mr. Limoges?
Enough!
- What's wrong?
- What's wrong?
It's 9:25 p.m., that's what.
It's too loud!
It's not late for normal folks.
I don't give a shit!
Tell your pals to turn it down.
I'll tell them.
"Normal folks"!
Have a nice evening, anyway.
Yeah, right!
I want to order pizza.
Mr. Limoges. I have an account.
So I'll take 10 pizzas,
with extra tuna, sausage, pineapple,
that's right...
double pepperoni.
Turn it down! The neighbor!
Okay, I'll turn it down.
Come out of there. The door's locked.
Silly! When'll we tell 'em?
How long we gonna play this game?
I'm not ready yet.
We stopped using condoms
2 months ago.
My dick's the one taking risks.
- Cut it out.
- You promised!
You're a pain.
I'm a pain?
I'm the one with my dick
under the fur.
Don't laugh, dammit!
He's starting to piss me off.
We turned it down!
That's enough, we turned down...
Sorry, I thought it was...
What is it?
The pizza.
I didn't order pizza.
He said the same downstairs.
What is this?
I'll call
because something's not right.
Call, because I didn't order pizza.
Who in the building
could've ordered...
Maybe on the third?
What do I owe?
215.43 euros.
Ouch! The card machine, please.
I'll have a piece.
Maybe it's not the...
What's this awful pizza?
Thank you.
This is Mr. Bastien,
the realtor.
I was just informed that
the last direct debit was refused.
I tried to reach your father
but he didn't return my calls.
Please contact me
as soon as possible.
You're home?
What're you up to?
Nothing.
Did you all pay
your share of the rent this month?
Totally. A problem?
No, just to be sure.
Hey, bro,
you sure you're okay?
Yeah, totally.
ls Nestor home?
He got home early from the library.
Not a single ring! Pain in the ass.
Quit muttering and pay up.
You bet on the wrong horse
and you pay. That's life.
If you don't win you don't buy lunch?
Relax, I'll pay.
Why? Sam usually pays.
What's your problem?
No lunch, no pals?
You just like my money?
I didn't say that.
You didn't? Then shut up!
You bust my balls.
I pay when I want to,
I don't when I don't. Got that?
Relax. Can't we kid around?
Why the huff? You okay?
I'm fine. I'm going for a walk.
Can't we joke any more?
ls he serious?
Why the hissy fit?
- How goes it?
- Hey, buddy.
- I'm almost done.
- I'll wait.
Nice going.
That's it.
You left all pissed. What's up?
That's what I want to talk about.
Here.
Thanks.
I'll shower and we'll grab a bite.
I'm starved.
I'll wait...
Outside. I'll wait outside.
Why didn't you just tell us?
I dunno, coz the place is awesome,
it was our dream.
I didn't want to spoil it all.
I promised,
and I wanted it to be perfect.
But man,
sometimes things aren't perfect
and it's okay.
As long as Camille
was selling me grass, it was fine.
I could stay afloat,
but now I'm in deep shit.
I can't eat this.
The sauce is like fire.
I like it hot, but damn!
You listening?
It's clear:
You gotta tell the others.
No, why tell them
and pile failure on failure?
We gotta get back on top.
I'm a winner, so are you.
Listen! What are you?
Sick. I feel sick.
I'm talking about something bigger.
What is?
Let's go in together.
We find a dealer,
a guy to sell us grass.
You smoke all you want,
we sell the rest 50-50.
I smoke all I want?
All you want.
I gotta think it over.
Take your time. 2, 3 days.
Let's do it! I'm game.
What a team!
I smoke all I want!
But watch out.
Not a word to the others.
No screw ups.
I'm not dumb.
No screw ups.
Something stinks.
- Man, it stinks!
- It's me.
Sorry. It's the sauce.
The sauce went straight down.
See you Saturday?
Who is it?
That chick?
- None of your business.
- It's that chick!
C'mon.
To bleed her ass again?
C'mon.
I bet she's healed.
Give her wazoo another chance.
What a poet.
Her little wazoo.
I'm right behind you!
And I'm carrying your bag.
Sorry, man.
I shouldn't have eaten that.
Man,
I got an idea.
What is it?
- A good idea.
- What're you doing?
I'll wreck his doormat.
- You can't be serious.
- Totally sincere!
- You're totally sick!
- Hakuna Matata!
Cut it out! You asshole!
- Why?
- I couldn't hold it anyway.
That's gross, man.
Go on ahead then.
Vadim?
It's Emilie.
- Fuck!
- How's it going?
Are you okay?
What're you doing?
Just leaving something...
Damn!
Because I lost my...
Lost your what?
I dunno. Nothing, actually.
I'll help you.
I found it!
It's okay.
My mother says I have eagle eyes.
What is it?
It's me, man.
My cousin in the 'hood
can set us up with a dealer.
Great.
But the guy, Omar,
deals in semi-wholesale,
so I'm pretty sure
he'll want us to buy in bulk.
What's wrong?
You reek all the time.
It's the hash. Makes me stink.
- It's awful.
- Sorry.
Anyway, we gotta find customers
who'll buy a lot up front.
- Talk about it tomorrow?
- Why?
I'm sleeping.
Okay, then tomorrow.
- 'Night, pal.
- 'Night.
You're busting my balls!
I'm just having fun.
Cut it out! It's not funny.
Beat it. Really.
Something bothers me.
What is it?
If I buy a pound at once,
you won't come visit.
If you don't need money,
you'll drop me like your dad.
No, I won't.
And he's the one who dropped me.
Sorry, I'm paranoid.
How're things with whatshername?
Maia?
Dunno.
I'm supposed to see her Saturday.
But I don't think
she wants a guy who's slumming,
a self-styled dealer... I don't know.
Yes,
but that's what you say.
Maybe she'll find it exciting
to be with an outlaw.
Maybe she'll like you
for doing it
to keep doing what you love.
I think it's fine, and admirable.
Come in here
before you go. I have a gift for you.
A gift?
Nice.
That gives me the creeps.
Like it?
No, it's creepy. lt bothers me.
I think it's ugly.
And Vad isn't going
to be wild either.
On the contrary,
it might speak to his artistic side.
It'll give him an anxiety attack.
My dad's lending us the car
for tomorrow.
Great.
How's it going?
What're you up to?
Chilling out.
Julia and I have planned
a surprise birthday party for Nestor.
He's not gonna like that.
I know his mom died in childbirth.
But if he has no choice...
Wobbly theory.
Very wobbly, but who knows?
Let's do it and we'll see.
I'm showering. Some dirty bum
touched me at the market.
By the way, forget it!
What?
That piece of shit.
The painting?
lt goes.
Shit.
What intuition.
Shut your trap.
Help me get rid of it.
That music, seriously?
What's wrong?
It's Sacha Distel,
a classic.
And the lyrics:
"no worries, no cares."
It'll be good luck.
What'd you do to your hair?
- Like it?
- Not at all.
What's that stupid getup?
It's just right.
No, it's totally ambiguous:
Half 90s racaille on the bottom,
half mafia boss on top.
I couldn't make up my mind.
So I combined them.
Where are you? I'm waiting.
Shit.
- But it works.
- No, it doesn't.
Nothing to change into?
- Let's go, then.
- Hang on.
Oh shit!
Trust me.
A combat dog, we're in gangsta mode.
I'm warning you: I do the talking.
This isn't GTA.
We only have one life.
- What're you doing?
- Gangsta code. I saw it on TV.
Why whistle, asshole? C'mon.
There.
Now we can go.
Out of the mouth of finks comes truth
Kilo, what're you doing?
What now?
I dunno. He won't budge.
- Drag him by the leash.
- I'm trying.
What gives?
We're coming.
C'mon, Kilo!
Oh, fuck!
- Where's the dough?
- No idea.
Your mother sucks bears
I'll handle this.
Shut up!
Sure.
Keep your trap shut.
Shut the door.
We can't hear ourselves!
It's very simple.
I'm a calm person
and I like to stay that way.
I don't enjoy that stuff.
So if you don't want the same,
follow instructions.
The plan is simple:
I give you 4 kilos of weed today.
You sell it.
You bring back 20,000 euros
Sunday at 8 a.m. on the dot.
Thank you,
the explanation's clear as a bell.
But we only need 2 kilos in fact.
That's the thing.
If you want 2 kilos, fine with me.
But you gotta pay up front.
No credit for under 4 kilos.
I get it.
We gotta take 4 kilos, man.
- We can't take 4 kilos.
- We have to.
I'll take responsibility.
So we'll go with the first option,
the 4-kilo option
because we don't have any money.
I love it when a plan comes together.
- The A-Team.
- Shut up!
Man.
He jabbers.
Okay, guys.
Not a minute, not a second late.
Okay?
Or else,
you know the route.
- To go to the other...
- Where they...
I'm not a wimp, guys.
As soon as we walked in...
I agree.
He's not a joker.
- He's not kidding.
- Shut up!
Okay,
if you're sick of wimpy stuff
and you wanna shift into high gear,
you can do that, too.
XTC.
- Ecstasy.
- I know that.
Sorry. So anyway,
thanks for the opportunity,
because not many
give young people a chance...
Take your bag, your lady,
your dog and beat it.
We've got a long drive.
Thanks again.
Don't forget: Sunday morning,
8 a.m. on the dot.
Oh, fuck.
Your hair looks cool like that.
- Think so?
- Yeah, awesome.
lt feels better now.
Others'll feel better too.
ls it ugly? You bullshitting me?
It's the pits.
David Luiz on 'shrooms.
I kinda like it.
You're making us miss the party.
Can't your old lady wait?
No, she can't wait.
5 minutes,
and you'll be glad for the money.
5 minutes, my ass. I know you.
- I go up and come back down.
- Mega drag...
Shut up.
What's this buzzkill?
The cop's coming toward us.
He's coming this way.
He's coming here!
To tell us to turn around.
- This is bad!
- Relax.
We gotta get outta here.
Shut the door!
Cops can smell fear, like horses.
The weed's in the trunk!
- You're paranoid.
- Shit, the ecstasy!
Hide it in your pocket.
What if they search me?
The street's blocked. Clear the area.
You have to turn around.
A problem, sir?
Articulate.
We're not... No problem.
I'll just back up.
Have a nice day.
You jerk, I swallowed that thing.
Wait, the concierge. Call to her.
- Hey concierge!
- You nuts?
I don't know her name.
Yeah, try Madam.
Excuse me, I'm Samuel.
Hello, young man.
What's going on?
Madame Simone had a bad attack.
They took her to the hospital.
Thanks.
Sure. Goodbye.
It's typical. Old folks have attacks.
No, it's flipping me out.
I feel awful.
And you made me swallow that shit!
You into her?
Who, Madame Simone?
Sure I'm into her. We do theater
together, we talk, we laugh.
You got a thing going. She cute?
Man, she's 80! Are you nuts?
Relax.
If she doesn't take our weed,
we're screwed.
Tell that boxer guy we'll deliver.
I already did. I wrote,
"Dinner's ready. Steak with herbs."
- Man, it...
- Whatsa matter?
- Something zipped by.
- Like a flash?
No, like a zipper.
A fly coming at me.
The stuff's working.
Relax.
They'll be too smashed to notice.
I'm starting to feel it too.
Tonight we'll party.
Put our troubles aside till tomorrow.
C'mon, charge yourself up.
You're right.
You, too.
3, 2, 1 , surprise?
Come on.
Why'd we swallow that stuff?
Nothing's coming out.
- It's not working.
- I know, man.
lt was in a film:
your fingers in my mouth
and your fingers in my fingers...
Okay, I got it.
I can't hear
with your fingers in my mouth.
You gotta hit the glottis.
- lt won't work.
- It's gross!
What're you doing?
We're coming.
What's with you guys?
Why are you being weird?
Man,
we went out to the 'hood
to buy 4 kilos of weed.
I let it out. Shit!
Not hungry after all.
Bento
- It's Bento.
- What's he say?
He's not taking the weed.
No one's taking it.
We're fucked!
We'll get the shit beat out of us.
You guys!
What're you on?
Can we talk seriously a second?
You're flipping me out.
What's up?
It's in the trunk.
I swear... That motha...
Turn the music down!
Shit! What idiots!
I don't believe it.
Why not drop the place right off?
I dunno, man.
Dad was pissed,
I didn't want you to be.
Why should we be?
Because you didn't pay the rent?
I didn't want you in a jam.
Like we're not in a jam now!
Why not say the rent was so high?
Because you never asked?
Cut the victim act.
Relax, Vadim. This is no time.
When's the time, then?
We're all in deep shit now.
Those dealers know where he lives.
Cut the paranoia.
For the moment we're not in danger.
We got a week
to sell the weed and pay.
Fine, great.
How d'you sell 4 kilos
with the old lady and the boxer out?
He takes us for daddy's boys.
He's right. That's just what you are:
rich kids who get a life by dealing.
If you don't want to be helpful,
beat it.
Sure I will.
I'm not getting shafted
for your crap.
You serious?
You didn't mind my paying the rent.
Yeah, right.
It's true, Vad. We're a team.
So what do we do now?
Try to take back the weed?
We're returning the dope
because we don't need it.
We're outta here.
Leave him alone.
Well?
Negative. No go.
- The keys, Tim.
- What'd he say?
- I got the keys?
- Not much. He just bitchslapped us.
My nose is bleeding.
- Who has the keys?
- That all?
No, and that he'd make us
eat each other's balls.
A 69, can you imagine?
Meaning?
I guess he'd put us
head to tail at the nuts.
You have the keys!
Shut up with your 69!
So we're shit out of luck.
We gotta sell the weed.
But to who?
We know no dealers.
Why not sell it ourselves?
In half-zips.
In what?
Half-zips. Don't know that?
- No, explain.
- It's simple.
We've got 4 kilos of pot.
That's about 4000 grams.
In fact, it's...
It's 4000.
Totally. If my math is right.
We divide it into half-ounces.
Into half-zips.
We cut it.
Actually, no. Cutting
is for hash,
but the stems make it harder.
But with a little scale we could...
Hang on, we don't follow.
Show us.
Maybe, yeah.
You coming?
Maybe it's easier if I show you...
Why do we dress like this?
Ever see a cop stop a guy
wearing tassel loafers?
Tim's dick hanging out - legendary!
Hey! How's it going on your end?
Not fantastic.
We've managed to pick up...
about 800, 900 at most.
It's a very weird party.
Julia vanished and I'm stressing out.
How much you got?
I'll count it and tell you.
I'm going to look for Julia.
Very weird scene here.
Hey, take it easy.
I found Julia, man.
And Vadim.
Man, she's making it with Vadim.
Fuck, man! Vadim showed up
and they're frenching like crazy.
You hear me?
Why hang up?
I gotta tell 'em how much.
We got cut off.
Here.
What's this?
Are you guys together or what?
Sort of.
Yeah, sort of! Since when?
I dunno. Who cares?
I care! How can you be so cagey?
Relax.
And if you could keep it quiet...
If you want. You're lucky,
I was just telling Nestor,
and we got cut off.
You cagey bastards!
Let's get outta here.
Like Chandler and Monica!
How cagey!
Not enough.
I hoped we'd sell more.
Vadim?
Come look.
- What is it?
- Look at this.
See what I was saying?
She's so radiant, that bitch!
Look at this. I can't stand it.
You wanna squeeze the milk
out of those tits.
I'd make some lady cheese out of it!
What a pig!
- Julia is family!
- I know.
But she could get me hot.
Look at this.
You're such a pig.
What's the problem?
I'm going to bed.
It's Maia. At least answer.
I waited like a fool.
You'd better have an excuse.
Ali, it's Sam.
Remember, some customers
wanted me personally
to look after their car?
Text me or call
if one of them shows up.
Hang on. One was looking for you.
You know, that tightwad actress.
Whatsherface?
Yeah, totally.
She left her number.
Send it to me then. Great.
Barnaby is an old friend.
He's got a weird personality,
but he's a good guy.
Okay.
Check this out.
Sorry...
Framed panties!
Vera, Prague, 1993.
Svetlana, St Petersburg, 1988.
I wasn't even born
when he was doin' tons of chicks.
Doin', doin'...
Hey, a Y-front.
Lisbon, 2007. Pedro.
That's a quality. The guy's open.
Yes, a quality.
Sorry, gentlemen, I kept you...
Sit down, don't move,
take it easy.
First, thanks for coming, guys.
Thank you.
No, thank you for coming.
Here's the score:
I'm throwing a big party
for my only daughter's 20th.
Sophie's one of a kind.
I know from experience
what harm drugs can do.
So for that, I got to thinking,
and here's the concept:
I told her:
"Okay for a party, but I do the pot
"for you and your little pals
on one condition:
"You touch nothing else."
You can trust them.
Their weed is top grade.
I approve that dope 100 percent.
Well then, Fanny dear,
if you trust, I trust,
we all trust them.
We have trust. A virtuous circle.
Dunno why,
but I like your little
fucktard dealers.
"Fucktard" is a bit...
Instinct, man.
So, let's recap:
I gather there's about 150 guests...
Let me interrupt.
It's crap!
Bummer, it itches.
Sorry, I interrupted.
- No, I was talking.
- I interrupted you?
Sorry, I didn't interrupt.
So, about 150 people,
1 kilo to be safe, in that range.
Why don't we have
a weed catering service?
You'd be here
rolling blunts for the guests.
I picture you in waiter's livery.
Totally chic.
Totally chic.
- What's so funny?
- I dunno.
Hey, Fanny, you ought to settle down.
You're pretty stoned.
Not at all.
Fine idea.
If I could piggyback on that,
Tim's an excellent cook,
so for an additional fee
he could do
a sort of Maryjane buffet.
Like space food.
Space food!
Americano!
Hold it.
And we figured...
Sorry.
- The phone.
- Sure.
I'm listening.
Put the guy on.
I told you he was a bit...
weird.
Yeah... weird.
ls that how it is?
I'll mash you to a pulp.
You okay, Barn?
No, Barn's not okay.
That DJ clown just cancelled
a week before the party.
It's a disaster!
Fucking Pinocchio boy!
Allow me to interrupt.
You mentioned DJ, Pinocchio...
We have a friend
who's very cute, she mixes great
and I know she's free.
The guy hesitates, then...
Bingo!
Sure he didn't say "banco"?
Banco? Bingo? I don't remember.
So how much we got?
I didn't finish.
He said "bingo."
The jerk got it wrong.
Please! Who cares?
So I sold him a video, too,
that you'll shoot, Vad,
and suckered him
into the whole package
for 17,000, and he said yes.
Which means with what
we sold already, we can pay Omar.
Incredible!
I've come to see Madame Simone.
Are you family?
Not really.
I'm sorry,
only family members
are allowed to visit.
Alright.
Could I leave my number in case...
- No problem.
- Thanks.
Here.
Wait, sorry.
Could you give her this?
It's a doll, but she's fond of it.
Alright.
Have a nice day.
Maia, wait, please.
I fucked up. Let me explain.
I'm listening.
Right here, now?
So I figured.
Please!
If I didn't call,
it's because I'm also an intern.
I work nights in a hospital
for...
Shit!
I'll say what comes to mind:
I've been flying since I was a kid,
The air force gave me
a secret mission.
I was abroad. No signal, no 3G.
Sometimes some crappy Edge.
Even better.
I'm shy. Pathologically shy.
A headbanger
who can't even punch a number.
I go nuts.
You know what?
That's not even fucking true.
I've got this instinct
that makes me say stuff like that.
But it's not true, that's all.
Today I'll tell the truth.
The truth is
I owe 20,000 euros
to a hothead dealer,
a wacko billionaire
is buying back my debt,
and I didn't want to involve you.
But I was thinking about you.
Really.
And that's the truth.
You really take me for a fool.
If you're not into me, that's fine.
But don't give me nonsense like that.
You're pathetic.
It's true, dammit.
It's true.
Why'd you run off that evening?
What?
- You'd lost something.
- Totally, yeah.
I remember. I'd lost my bracelet.
I figured, if you...
A dump.
I took a dump
on Mr. Limoges' doormat,
and I was holding my turd.
It'd look odd.
Oh, I see.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
I was afraid you thought
I was the one who farted.
You must be kidding.
I'm the one who farted.
lt was you. Good.
I'll get back to work.
So long.
You scared me!
I thought it was the neighbor.
What're you doing?
Switching names with Limoges.
Why? He'll get our mail
and we'll get his.
It's to steal his mail.
But we won't get ours.
I'm too tired. Do what you want.
But don't wake me at 5 a.m.
The party's tomorrow.
Okay, don't worry.
- Everything going well?
- Hey, man.
Canap!
It's in the shape of a canap.
I got it, Tim.
Gentlemen.
It's the right time
to introduce the one all this is for.
This is my daughter, Sophie.
Pleased to meet you.
My pleasure.
And happy birthday.
This is my jewel, my star.
Isn't she gorgeous?
She's what matters most to me
since her mother...
Excuse me, man, stop
when I'm talking.
Thanks. Since her mother left me
on a misunderstanding.
Be very careful
to avoid misunderstandings, guys.
Thanks for the advice.
Good advice.
There.
I'm going back out.
Me too. Guests are arriving.
Naturally.
How's it going?
- Okay, and you?
- Fine.
Those two are already smashed.
- Good job!
- Not bad, huh?
My croquembouche
with pot cream stuffed pastries.
Wild!
Hold on.
I'll stuff my daughter's last puff.
Sure.
I like the symbolism.
Squeeze the pastry bag,
but not too hard...
Shit!
Put hot water on it.
Scrub hard. Sorry, you can't...
Fuck!
The guy's wacko.
Why won't you tell the others?
You're such a pain.
I don't get it.
Only Nestor and Tim don't know.
Stop! I can't take any more.
What's with you?
It's over, is that it?
Leave me alone!
Okay, have a nice evening.
Ballbuster!
His damn cream won't come out.
Look at this! Brand new...
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
No, fella.
None of that between us.
This is the house of joy.
I want my guests to feel comfortable.
Go on,
enjoy yourself.
Take it slow,
that's good,
like that, right.
Tell her stuff.
Say things to her, I tell ya.
Go on, say stuff to her.
How's it going?
You idiot, not "how's it going?"
Tell her wild stuff.
Like "I love licking
your fleshy little tit."
Go on!
I love licking your fuzzy little tit.
Skip it, you lack the vocabulary.
Pull her hair back, like that.
Go on.
I love it, go on.
It's me, Daddy,
Sorry.
Think you can kiss a chick
and I don't care?
I thought we broke up.
- I didn't say that!
- Yes you did.
- You did.
- You don't get it!
I just wanted time to...
Not rush into it.
Rush into what? It's been a year.
What d'you want me to say?
That I'm pregnant and
want to keep it because I love you?
I dunno. Why say that?
There, I told you.
What?
That I'm pregnant.
I love you, Vad.
Where is he?
Where's that scumbag?
The bastard
who fucks my daughter under my roof!
The little bitch.
That asshole!
You thought I was easy?
You'll see how easy I am!
Get your ass back here.
You sonofabitch, when I find you
I'll pulverize you!
Deal of the day:
I'll blow you a new asshole!
Man, I'm primed!
Little bastard! You gave me a boost!
Hang on, I think it's him.
It's him. Move it! C'mon!
I didn't know she was his daughter.
Not now, man.
- Where's Julia?
- At her mom's. She's tired.
I thought
she went to suck some guy off.
Shut up, now!
What's the deal?
Shut up, I said.
Talk about Julia and I'll sock you.
Hiding something?
Yeah, go get fucked!
Why not say you were together?
When I talked to you about her?
Hang on, who's together?
What is this?
Julia and me are an item.
- Okay? Can we move on?
- Let go of me!
Asshole.
But he's right.
We really are in deep shit.
Are you serious?
And who's fault is it?
Once again you thought
with your dick.
Don't pull your level-headed
niggah act.
Cut it out. Something's more urgent.
We have no dope, no money,
and 24 hours to find a solution.
You're raving mad!
You put us in the shit
and then tell us to calm down.
And cut the "we."
It's your problem to start with.
So what do we do, guys?
Are you serious?
Okay.
So that's how it is?
That's just great.
A fine family we've become!
Thanks. You know what, Tim?
Omar dealt with you and me,
so you're fucked, too.
Even more,
because it was your contact.
If it's everyone for himself, fine.
I'm outta here.
You can all go get fucked!
Sam's right.
I'm the one who found Omar.
- I'm a dead man.
- Stop, Tim.
I'm dead.
So we wait for Omar's thugs?
What's the plan?
I might have an idea.
A good run
in the Longchamp Abbey Cup...
...is set for an excellent run
in the Brocher Cup.
Gregory Benoit
is riding Spirit Quartz
once again heading to Ascot.
I'd like to put
2,390 euros on Ruby of the Islands.
- Odds are nine to one, right?
- That's right.
We'd like to speak
with Captain Latour.
Regarding?
Drug dealing.
One moment.
That's...
Goddammit!
What a moron!
You can yak away about bumfucking
Julia and be totally focused,
but too spaced out to check your
pockets before going to the police.
Almost neck and neck.
Off to a good start
is Number 10 coming up with
Roboba from the inside.
Yeah, good going!
Number 3 is making progress
alongside Grand Galil...
Yes! Not bad.
Go, go! Lengthen it!
Fuck, no!
Goddammit to hell!
Oh, shit!
Samuel, it's Maia.
I've got bad news.
It's Madame Simone...
Thank you all for coming
for the burial
of our dear Madame Simone,
who was an exceptional woman.
And tomorrow,
prayers will be held
for her soul at 7:30 p.m.
Thank you again.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
Madame Simone told me.
Sorry I didn't believe you.
But you were right:
I can't see myself involved
with a dealer.
What I realize
is that I managed
to wreck everything so fast.
lt must be a world record.
Everyone thinks I'm a rotten liar
who can't be trusted.
A pretty perfect track record.
She said, "If he comes
to the funeral, give it to him.
"If he doesn't, throw it out
"and forget about him."
I don't think she ever doubted
you'd be here.
I'll be going.
As misfortune falls,
twilight comes into view.
The breeze blows it away,
and hope is renewed.
Come in.
Chief,
I have a young lawyer in custody
who insists on seeing you.
Says it's real important,
has friends in high places, etc.
Bring him in.
Not too pissed about Vadim and Julia?
No, but...
I had a thing for Julia
but I knew we'd never hook up.
They're family.
If they're happy, I am too.
lt just pisses me off
that he didn't tell me.
True.
And with the concierge's daughter?
I dunno.
Not great.
You could have anyone
if you did it right.
I'm not as cool as you.
I can't do it.
I'm not cool, man. It's not...
Sure you are.
Think a cool guy does a new one
every night?
No, it's a guy who's unhappy,
who can't find what he's after.
What?
What're you talking about?
You got a complex?
That complex...
The pervert who wanted
to do his old lady?
Oedipus! The Oedipus complex.
- ls that it?
- Pretty much.
That pussy complex.
Come with me.
You're here! I'm so glad.
And the others?
Can't reach 'em.
- Come here.
- What's up?
Madame Simone, from my acting class.
She gave me this painting
and left me a poem about watercolor,
twilight and renewal.
I have a feeling
there's a message, a metaphor.
Like a treasure hunt.
Maybe it's just her last joke.
She capable of it.
What're you doing?
Holy shit! lt wasn't a joke.
Shit! How much is there?
All 500s.
There're all 500s.
We've got it!
What'd he say?
He's calling the precinct.
He's keeping us tonight,
but if they nab Omar,
we're out tomorrow.
ls that good news?
Yeah, it's good news.
- Nice going.
- So it's cool.
They're still on voicemail.
Tim, it's Sam.
Why don't you answer?
I came up with the money.
I'll take it to Omar tomorrow at 8.
So call me back.
Cheers.
To Madame Simone.
Excellent toast. To Madame Simone.
Not drinking?
I can't any more.
Why not?
Julia's pregnant.
Pregnant by you?
You're gonna be a daddy?
I guess so.
Gonna name him Tim?
I don't think so.
I understand.
Man!
That's incredible!
Man, that's...
My chum's pregnant, guys!
I'm gonna be an uncle.
He'll be called Samuel!
I'm not sure about that.
The name's not sure.
This is unbelievable!
I'll drink to little Samuel's health.
You never know.
It's so cool.
You're gonna be an uncle.
I'm gonna be an uncle, man.
You crying?
No, I'm not crying.
Yes you are.
It's just that I'm moved.
Any ideas for a godfather?
How about him?
Yes, Chief?
We've taken a certain Omar Khedi
into custody.
He was holding several kilos
of cannabis, cocaine
and other narcotics.
I've got tons of messages.
My battery's dead.
We also arrested a young customer
who'd come to pay.
It's Sam. Why aren't you answering?
I got the money.
I'm taking it to Omar at 8 a.m.
What's going on?
So call me back.
Sam went to meet Omar.
Voicemail.
Oh fuck!
Shit, shit, shit!
C'mon guys!
The early bird doesn't get the worm.
- Here's to Samuel!
- Cheers.
C'mon, Jules. Have a drink.
At worst he'll be a mongoloid.
We'll love him no matter what.
Keep it up
and I won't call him Tim or Sam.
Listen to the boss.
You could call him Omar.
Omar's not bad.
We busted ass when all we had to do
was turn him in.
No, it was an emergency.
I'd have preferred
the code of the 'hood.
Definitely.
Here you go.
What's up, Sam?
Not treating?
It's better if I don't.
Then okay. Yeppa!
You didn't stress the right syllable.
Give it some pizzazz.
I'm paying, so I do it my way.
The machine, please.
Thanks, Vad.
Don't mention it.
We're not making noise.
Your neighbor's been badly beaten.
Did you hear anything?
Mr. Limoges was attacked?
That's right.
No, we didn't hear a thing.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
Very well. 'Evening.
Good evening.
We'll murda you
Bangkok - all airports
What's going on, man?
We're outta here.
24 hours later
I never imagined
we'd go through all that.
But it taught me one thing:
You can go to the end of the world
for a friend.
There's lots of words for friends.
I can say
my brother, my pal,
my sidekick, my soul mate,
my comrade.
All words for something rare.
"...a second chance."
Someone who's not your family
or your lover
but who you love deeply.
But there's something odd
about friendship.
For instance,
you can't question family.
You have the same name,
the same blood, stuff that binds you
to other family members.
Family is beyond question.
Same goes for couples.
Rules reassure us about our status.
You say "I love you,"
you hold hands,
you give Valentine's gifts
and even an engagement ring,
then you have kids.
Once again,
family is beyond question.
On the other hand,
friendship is a lot less clear.
You don't have to be faithful,
no reason to be jealous.
No ring, no ceremony,
no champagne to celebrate friendship.
Yet of all life's relationships,
friendships are likely
to last the longest.
It'll be all right.
Good thing you're here.
They say love affairs end badly
and that you can't choose
your family.
But we can say we chose ours.
To look at me now,
I seem like the chick
out to piss people off,
posting selfies,
chilling out on the beach,
saying "How's Paris, guys?"
The chick who chucked it all
to start a new life.
But I didn't decide to live here.
I just want to go back to Paris.
But for the moment,
no way.
I'd often wondered
how far one'd go for friends.
If there was a limit.
When I ask myself now,
I know the answer.
But a year ago, I had no idea.
I was miles away.
Go, go, go!
Almost!
Go for it!
I got 20 on blondie.
Go on! I put 50 on you!
Don't look at your dad, focus!
Can't catch a single one!
He sucks!
The spliff smoker is Timothy.
He's terrific. Get this:
He's on his fourth freshman year.
First it was Economics.
Then Art.
Then Philosophy.
Now English.
But the dummy
thinks it's cooler to say "American."
He should be a cook...
Tonight's special:
tartare of clit
and a julienne of rump.
It's always a treat.
It's salmon.
Where's he gonna end up?
That guy can do and say
the dumbest things...
- Do me a blowback?
- Cut it out!
Come on!
I don't feel like it.
C'mon, don't be a drag.
But you forgive him.
Only one round left.
The one trying to cheat
is my favorite.
Vadim was a quiet little boy,
but now he's got phobias,
he's a hypochondriac
and a nervous wreck.
I first met him
at my 4th birthday at Mickey D's.
I knew right off he liked me.
When a little butterball gives you
his only cheeseburger,
it's pretty obvious.
Nestor's the black hunk.
He's cramming for his bar exams.
When he's focused like that,
nothing distracts him...
Except...
Nestor doesn't talk much,
but he doesn't need to.
I was interning at William & Co.
This report's shit.
Actually,
it was just after William & Co.
Hey, I've always been polite.
Relax!
Shove your report!
How dare you!
Little preppie cocksucker
in your crummy cardigan and loafers!
- Pervert!
- Excuse me?
That means, go suck a trans!
You slob!
What'd I say?
Go on!
Hit the ring and it's a sure win!
- Talk about a reversal!
- Shit!
Hand over the dough.
Samuel's a different trip:
a chronic optimist.
It'll be fine.
I promised you the concert.
In 10 minutes...
We're only 30 miles away.
Trust me.
Happy birthday!
Always out to please.
I got a size 8.
They only had these big boxes.
The receipt, for exchanges.
Yeppa!
He's rich. His dad made a mint
in the rag trade.
"Esteem is founded on comparison:"
He wants to act.
"To honor all men is to honor none."
He'll do anything to make it.
I'm not sure of the moves.
But that feels right.
The standing deal is:
Samuel supposedly stays
in medical school,
and his dad supports him.
Blood was spurting all over.
We lost the guy's pulse,
resuss table, I guided them:
a 260 shock,
then a 360 shock
and we got a pulse back.
He came around.
Nice going!
That's routine.
Hop in, my lovelies.
When we met in grade school,
we swore we'd live together one day.
All five of us.
What? No more chocolate ones?
They ate 'em all.
I doze off and they're gone!
Faster! You're crawling.
Can't scratch the rims.
Dad'll be pissed.
What's he care? He's got 15 others.
Yeah, with nice rims.
"15 others, with nice rims..."
I hear you jiving me in the rearview!
I'll let you have it!
Move it, you snail!
A real trek at the end.
I'm starved!
Hey, city slickers.
Trashing out?
You bet we are.
What's that mean?
I dunno.
Your dad around?
In the barn. C'mon.
I love it when a plan comes together.
The A-Team.
I got it.
I said no, Jules.
Don't push. I gave you a deal.
20 euros for a half-ounce,
in Paris it goes for 80.
You win. 200.
Here.
It's not always cut rate!
I'll take 10 ounces, please.
I don't sell so you can deal.
I'm not in business.
What?
Why what?
We're a local group,
we get together,
compare growing techniques.
It's our hobby. Understand?
- That's great but I...
- Yeah, it's great.
No problem, but it's not to sell.
It's for my personal use.
You shitting me?
You smoke 15 joints a day?
Thanks, Gerard.
He's nuts.
Nothing for you?
- Who, me?
- Yes, you!
I'm an actor, so my body's my tool.
But I figure some day
I might try a joint and check out
the Actor's Studio trip...
to experience it like Daniel...
Day Lewis.
The guy walks away...
Seriously?
In the middle of my sentence.
He saw you weren't a customer.
That's awful!
Farmer's hooch, it burns!
Man!
- She's so gorgeous!
- Who?
Julia! I didn't tell you.
lt was so awkward.
We were just smoking a joint.
I say, "C'mon, do me a blowback."
She says no.
I say "Please, do me a blowback."
She agrees,
turns the joint around,
and when she leans in
my palms are wet, I get shivers,
and a stiffy! Believe it?
You serious? She's like our sister!
I know, man.
I was so embarrassed.
But I had such a boner.
I was like this,
my fly
was gonna pop any second.
This big bump in my jeans.
I was in a bad way...
A half woody
going sideways...
I'll spare the details.
Imagine the mess
if you slept with Julia.
I know man, but it was sincere.
A sincere boner.
Okay, pal?
Man, am I in the mood to copulate.
He's sick.
Look at that girl.
I want to make love to her,
just to see.
What's so funny?
What's so funny?
Because you already did,
it makes me laugh.
A good joke.
You're right!
You forgot?
I totally forgot.
The guy's insane. He forgets!
Julia, c'mere.
Lemme borrow her a sec.
Hear ye, hear ye,
villeins and damsels,
half-breeds
and hash-smokers,
fall at my feet,
for I have found us
a keep, nay, a castle,
what says he?
A fucking apartment!
- What?
- 5 bedrooms, top floor,
balcony, open kitchen,
huge living room, elevator,
can you beat that?
Vadim, why shake your head?
It'll cost a fortune!
The sweet sound of the killjoy
who ruins the mood.
I'm not. But I can't pay 2000 euros.
You won't! How much can you pay?
We said 500.
You know what?
You each pay 500.
That makes 2000.
Trust me, I'll pay the rest.
And we'll finally
have a place to share!
My lunch!
Tornado!
Nice molding.
Yes... molding...
It's molding.
He'll be here any minute.
He's a little late.
Shit, I overslept!
Perfect. Sorry again for being late.
Tough surgery this morning,
I had to pitch in.
That's hospitals! The beeper going,
the gurney breaks,
the EKG won't start,
a tough morning in ER.
Never mind.
I'll stop.
Your application
was very weak, but...
But I know your father well,
so I bent the rules.
Thanks, that's very kind.
Moreover,
are you aware
the lease is in your name?
I know. That won't be a problem.
Well then, let's sign.
The signature!
Where do I sign?
There... and there.
Fine.
- The keys.
- Right, the keys.
So, did we do it or didn't we?
We sure did it!
I hope it's cool. I gave up my flat.
What wouldn't be cool?
We have the keys.
The place is sensational.
You're a damn genius.
In fact, we got you a gift.
Honestly?
"Sam's treat."
Funny, isn't it?
Pretty cool.
Thanks so much.
You treat us.
Let's tie one on tonight. I'm ready!
Not tonight. Dad's birthday tomorrow.
And rehearsal.
Not helping us move?
Sure, but tonight
I gotta take it easy.
There, that's better.
That's better.
I've been to lots of doctors
for my problem.
They've found nothing.
Here,
I'll show you
Not only does it itch,
but it keeps oozing pus.
- Look!
- I'm looking.
Holy cow!
I saw, I see.
What is it?
I see. You've got a fagnus.
What's a fagnus?
A little like eczema.
But yours has pus.
You have the kind with pus.
It's a real bother!
Sure it's a bother,
for everyone.
Check her out, man!
The concierge's daughter.
She's eying me.
Every time I go by.
She's not my type.
You have a type?
I kinda like her.
Cut the racket!
Sorry for moving in.
That's not my problem.
I've got my eye on you.
It's forbidden to use the elevator.
Sure. Out of the way.
Go piss on your hands, you mutt!
Take it easy, Jules.
You pussy out in a second.
- But don't...
- I will!
He'll hassle us.
Down you go!
- What're you doing?
- What?
What if someone walks in?
I dunno, we tell 'em.
We can't hide
now that we all live together.
Hold your horses.
I don't want it to mess up the gang.
If we keep using rubbers,
we're not telling.
That's different.
No it's not. Dammit, Vad!
Hey! I'm on the pill, we did tests,
and you treat me like a piece of ass.
It's just that
I'm not sure tests are reliable.
Here they are, the bastards!
Taking a break? I'm hot to trot!
Enough...
Cut it out!
I'm okay.
You doctors are lucky.
You put us right at ease.
Never could I talk about
my vaginal dryness
if you weren't a doctor.
Yes, for that, we're lucky.
You sure are.
My husband's ill!
My son's a doctor. Sam!
Hurry!
A doctor, quick!
- What's going on?
- A seizure.
So...
He doesn't look too good.
Move back, please.
Let him breathe.
Blood gas okay...
Pulse, not bad.
Pupils dilated.
Right?
- I don't know.
- Never mind.
Now the fetal safety position,
so that he'll be okay.
- So far, so good.
- Mouth to mouth.
- What?
- Mouth to mouth.
Not at all. That's an urban legend.
Totally wrong.
We'll wake him up.
Wake up, mister.
Mouth to mouth has worked before!
If you want, okay.
Here we go.
You sure? I can hear him breathing.
Mouth to mouth might be redundant.
- Go on!
- Mouth to mouth.
- Do something!
- I'm doing my best.
Here we go.
This is serious.
It's serious.
I'm not a doctor.
Call someone!
I'm not a doctor.
For 3 years, dammit!
3 years!
How long were you going
to keep up the charade?
lt wasn't a charade.
Me paying for you to pretend
to go to med school isn't a charade?
I had no choice!
I want to act, that's my thing.
No choice?
How about the truth?
You ever tell the truth?
What would I gain?
You never believed in it.
You never thought
it was a real dream,
something I could do!
You'd never have agreed.
Look at me
and say you'd have approved.
Quit the sob story
of the unloved son.
I'll slap you.
Go on, maybe it'll change things.
Making me look like a fool
in front of my friends!
Give me your wallet.
What?
Give it to me!
See how you do with a debit card.
You serious?
That all you care about,
not giving me money?
Not only will I never give you
another cent,
but I hope I never see
your stupid mug again.
Finally!
Hey, man.
Your party not too much of a drag?
lt was okay.
What's the matter?
Actually...
Sam, c'mon! We've been waiting.
I'm coming, guys.
You got troubles?
Nope, no trouble. I'm just tired.
Thank you, Sam!
Give him a drink.
Yeppa!
Here's to you.
I'm running late. Sorry.
It's okay.
It's open!
I'm in the living room.
Sorry, I'm late.
I noticed.
I don't think
I can work on a scene today.
I can't even get my lines down.
But what's wrong?
Since when do you smoke that?
Since I've needed it.
Meaning?
None of your business.
So what's wrong?
Why don't you want to work?
I had a fight with my dad.
ls that all?
I thought it was serious.
Well, it is pretty serious.
He never wants to see me again.
You know what they say?
When the family's gone,
you still have your friends.
Do friends stay
when you let them down?
Yes.
Real friends do.
Kilo, over there!
No, Kilo!
Beat it.
- Have a nice evening.
- You, too.
I'll get your car, Ms. Ardant.
Do you mind if Samuel handles it?
No, no problem.
- He knows it well.
- I understand.
I'll get it right away.
Thank you.
Have a nice evening.
The dame gets a million per film
and not even a tip!
Did she tip you?
Tightwad.
Don't exaggerate. You can't judge.
- Tightwad.
- Okay, she's a tightwad.
- How's it going?
- Okay, and you?
- Here.
- Great.
Not a word to the others.
And not a word to my dad.
No, I'm busy!
- C'mon. Open up.
- I'm busy, man!
- Open up!
- I said I'm busy.
Open up, dammit!
What d'you want?
Jerkin' the gherkin?
No, I'm not "jerkin' the gherkin."
Then why lock the door?
I can't want privacy
if I'm not masturbating?
No, so let me in.
- Why not?
- Okay, I'm beating off.
You're jerking off.
And about to finish up.
You got a stiffy?
What porn do you use?
"Jacquie et Michel" is great.
No, nothing wild.
A threesome in POV
with busty milfs. I'm at the cumshot.
- Nice!
- There you are.
Way to go!
The chicks hot?
Dogs! Ugly chicks.
- So why?
- I'm joking. Of course they're hot.
Go check the fridge for a surprise.
Really?
- What is it?
- Go look.
Another treat?
Go look, champ.
World champion!
Thank you, Sam!
What a beaut! Hot damn!
I'll make you a colombo
that'll knock your socks off.
Here we go.
And with this,
Parkinson's my ass!
Look.
lt works well.
You know,
more and more hospital patients
are smoking it with me.
Really?
You bet.
Listen,
apart from that,
any progress with Maia?
I wouldn't say progress.
Call it a preliminary stage...
Get on with it!
Or someone else'll get the...
Don't make such a face.
Make no mistake:
If you hesitate, you'll lose her.
But you don't have to do
your Marceau dick mime.
Hear me out.
For 6 months
I hid my passion and fled.
I fled from you and suffered so.
These men mean nothing to me.
I love you.
Oh, my God!
How dare I speak so to your majesty?
What can I do?
Order me to die
and I will die.
My heart is filled with dread.
Forgive me.
Oh! Don't stop!
Ravish me!
No one has ever spoken to me so.
I'm listening.
Camille, it's Sam. Just to say
I sold all the meat,
so it would be good
to meet this week.
Maia?
What's going on?
- What is it?
- I'm okay.
I just get nosebleeds when I'm moved.
That's a new one.
You were great on that scene tonight.
You liked it?
Yeah.
We ought to work on it together.
Together,
both of us?
Yeah, sure.
I totally want to.
- You and me.
- Yes, totally you and me.
I've got your number,
so call me and we'll make a date.
If you've got my number,
why don't you call me?
Even better. Much smarter.
Obvious, in fact.
I'll call, and that's that.
You answer and say yes or no.
In fact, you answer, or you don't.
I don't want to interfere.
Will you answer?
I'm joking. It's not the best joke...
Each is free...
- So...
- I'll be going.
I'm going, too.
So long.
I've got a scooter.
Want me to ride you?
I mean, give you a ride?
Totally! That'd be sweet.
I love scooters. You get all the...
Yeah, great sensations.
Shit! No helmet.
Never mind.
So I'll go...
- On foot.
- I'll walk home.
'Bye.
Tell me, love.
What?
ls your esthetician on the lam?
What makes you say that?
It's a bit messy around the bush.
Take a look at yourself!
It's an Afro!
I like your hair,
when you're near me.
Very funny.
Out of solidarity,
I'm willing to get a trim.
I can't decide what style, though.
Maybe a blow-dry,
sort of uptown class.
Or more exotic and daring,
a goatee like Jafar's under the nuts,
old-style.
Very funny.
Like the Barber of Seville.
It'd be funny.
Thinking of you, Julia. Big hugs.
Delete
Look, I tidied it up.
She surely thought it was a bad idea.
lt jeopardized your friendship.
Think so?
Definitely. Now play it cool.
Forget you sent that text.
I was ready to go on the offensive.
To shut her up like this...
And kiss her.
I'd move my fingers.
Cool it with Julia.
It'll mess things up.
Try the concierge's daughter.
She likes you.
I'm trying, but it's tough going.
You're home?
This is Maia, guys.
Timothy... My pleasure.
Relax.
lt stinks in here. Something awful.
Let's go to my room.
Think he's doing her?
That's the babe from the theater.
A serenade, he'll touch her earlobe,
and they're in raptures.
Right, little serenades and...
He'll say stuff like,
"Sir, don't you..."
I get the picture.
I love you.
How dare I speak so to your majesty?
What can I do?
You don't know what a serenade is.
Order me to die and I will die.
My heart is filled with dread.
Forgive me.
Don't stop.
Ravish me.
No one has ever spoken to me so.
I'm listening.
Your soul speaks to me
and overwhelms me so.
I need your eyes,
I need your voice.
I...
What is it?
Nothing.
There's nothing.
Man, you called?
What's that stink at the house?
Sorry, it's the hash I'm smoking.
lt reeks.
But hang on. I went in your room.
What's the deal?
The blood! You slaughter a sheep?
First, man,
never go in my room. Got that?
Second, the blood is Maia's.
She had a problem.
Wait. Since when d'you smoke
hash?
Gerard can't sell us grass any more,
so the hash is to tide me over.
Did she have her period?
Blood on the sheets!
Why can't Gerard sell grass?
What's up?
Because
the guy got his barn cleaned out.
That's what they said.
Was she a virgin?
Is that it?
Better yet:
you cornholed her.
You cornholed her, right?
Man!
Bumfucks her and hangs up on me!
You've reached Camille's cell.
I'm not available.
Where do I park Mr. Renato's car?
- I'll park it.
- I can do it.
Leave it. Move!
Camille?
See the mess?
What happened?
They cleaned us out. We're done.
Didn't leave us an ounce!
What am I gonna do?
It'll take 6 months to grow more.
I'm sorry.
Hi Timothy.
I'm fine. And you?
- How's it going?
- And you?
Great.
Later!
Take care.
Mr. Limoges?
Enough!
- What's wrong?
- What's wrong?
It's 9:25 p.m., that's what.
It's too loud!
It's not late for normal folks.
I don't give a shit!
Tell your pals to turn it down.
I'll tell them.
"Normal folks"!
Have a nice evening, anyway.
Yeah, right!
I want to order pizza.
Mr. Limoges. I have an account.
So I'll take 10 pizzas,
with extra tuna, sausage, pineapple,
that's right...
double pepperoni.
Turn it down! The neighbor!
Okay, I'll turn it down.
Come out of there. The door's locked.
Silly! When'll we tell 'em?
How long we gonna play this game?
I'm not ready yet.
We stopped using condoms
2 months ago.
My dick's the one taking risks.
- Cut it out.
- You promised!
You're a pain.
I'm a pain?
I'm the one with my dick
under the fur.
Don't laugh, dammit!
He's starting to piss me off.
We turned it down!
That's enough, we turned down...
Sorry, I thought it was...
What is it?
The pizza.
I didn't order pizza.
He said the same downstairs.
What is this?
I'll call
because something's not right.
Call, because I didn't order pizza.
Who in the building
could've ordered...
Maybe on the third?
What do I owe?
215.43 euros.
Ouch! The card machine, please.
I'll have a piece.
Maybe it's not the...
What's this awful pizza?
Thank you.
This is Mr. Bastien,
the realtor.
I was just informed that
the last direct debit was refused.
I tried to reach your father
but he didn't return my calls.
Please contact me
as soon as possible.
You're home?
What're you up to?
Nothing.
Did you all pay
your share of the rent this month?
Totally. A problem?
No, just to be sure.
Hey, bro,
you sure you're okay?
Yeah, totally.
ls Nestor home?
He got home early from the library.
Not a single ring! Pain in the ass.
Quit muttering and pay up.
You bet on the wrong horse
and you pay. That's life.
If you don't win you don't buy lunch?
Relax, I'll pay.
Why? Sam usually pays.
What's your problem?
No lunch, no pals?
You just like my money?
I didn't say that.
You didn't? Then shut up!
You bust my balls.
I pay when I want to,
I don't when I don't. Got that?
Relax. Can't we kid around?
Why the huff? You okay?
I'm fine. I'm going for a walk.
Can't we joke any more?
ls he serious?
Why the hissy fit?
- How goes it?
- Hey, buddy.
- I'm almost done.
- I'll wait.
Nice going.
That's it.
You left all pissed. What's up?
That's what I want to talk about.
Here.
Thanks.
I'll shower and we'll grab a bite.
I'm starved.
I'll wait...
Outside. I'll wait outside.
Why didn't you just tell us?
I dunno, coz the place is awesome,
it was our dream.
I didn't want to spoil it all.
I promised,
and I wanted it to be perfect.
But man,
sometimes things aren't perfect
and it's okay.
As long as Camille
was selling me grass, it was fine.
I could stay afloat,
but now I'm in deep shit.
I can't eat this.
The sauce is like fire.
I like it hot, but damn!
You listening?
It's clear:
You gotta tell the others.
No, why tell them
and pile failure on failure?
We gotta get back on top.
I'm a winner, so are you.
Listen! What are you?
Sick. I feel sick.
I'm talking about something bigger.
What is?
Let's go in together.
We find a dealer,
a guy to sell us grass.
You smoke all you want,
we sell the rest 50-50.
I smoke all I want?
All you want.
I gotta think it over.
Take your time. 2, 3 days.
Let's do it! I'm game.
What a team!
I smoke all I want!
But watch out.
Not a word to the others.
No screw ups.
I'm not dumb.
No screw ups.
Something stinks.
- Man, it stinks!
- It's me.
Sorry. It's the sauce.
The sauce went straight down.
See you Saturday?
Who is it?
That chick?
- None of your business.
- It's that chick!
C'mon.
To bleed her ass again?
C'mon.
I bet she's healed.
Give her wazoo another chance.
What a poet.
Her little wazoo.
I'm right behind you!
And I'm carrying your bag.
Sorry, man.
I shouldn't have eaten that.
Man,
I got an idea.
What is it?
- A good idea.
- What're you doing?
I'll wreck his doormat.
- You can't be serious.
- Totally sincere!
- You're totally sick!
- Hakuna Matata!
Cut it out! You asshole!
- Why?
- I couldn't hold it anyway.
That's gross, man.
Go on ahead then.
Vadim?
It's Emilie.
- Fuck!
- How's it going?
Are you okay?
What're you doing?
Just leaving something...
Damn!
Because I lost my...
Lost your what?
I dunno. Nothing, actually.
I'll help you.
I found it!
It's okay.
My mother says I have eagle eyes.
What is it?
It's me, man.
My cousin in the 'hood
can set us up with a dealer.
Great.
But the guy, Omar,
deals in semi-wholesale,
so I'm pretty sure
he'll want us to buy in bulk.
What's wrong?
You reek all the time.
It's the hash. Makes me stink.
- It's awful.
- Sorry.
Anyway, we gotta find customers
who'll buy a lot up front.
- Talk about it tomorrow?
- Why?
I'm sleeping.
Okay, then tomorrow.
- 'Night, pal.
- 'Night.
You're busting my balls!
I'm just having fun.
Cut it out! It's not funny.
Beat it. Really.
Something bothers me.
What is it?
If I buy a pound at once,
you won't come visit.
If you don't need money,
you'll drop me like your dad.
No, I won't.
And he's the one who dropped me.
Sorry, I'm paranoid.
How're things with whatshername?
Maia?
Dunno.
I'm supposed to see her Saturday.
But I don't think
she wants a guy who's slumming,
a self-styled dealer... I don't know.
Yes,
but that's what you say.
Maybe she'll find it exciting
to be with an outlaw.
Maybe she'll like you
for doing it
to keep doing what you love.
I think it's fine, and admirable.
Come in here
before you go. I have a gift for you.
A gift?
Nice.
That gives me the creeps.
Like it?
No, it's creepy. lt bothers me.
I think it's ugly.
And Vad isn't going
to be wild either.
On the contrary,
it might speak to his artistic side.
It'll give him an anxiety attack.
My dad's lending us the car
for tomorrow.
Great.
How's it going?
What're you up to?
Chilling out.
Julia and I have planned
a surprise birthday party for Nestor.
He's not gonna like that.
I know his mom died in childbirth.
But if he has no choice...
Wobbly theory.
Very wobbly, but who knows?
Let's do it and we'll see.
I'm showering. Some dirty bum
touched me at the market.
By the way, forget it!
What?
That piece of shit.
The painting?
lt goes.
Shit.
What intuition.
Shut your trap.
Help me get rid of it.
That music, seriously?
What's wrong?
It's Sacha Distel,
a classic.
And the lyrics:
"no worries, no cares."
It'll be good luck.
What'd you do to your hair?
- Like it?
- Not at all.
What's that stupid getup?
It's just right.
No, it's totally ambiguous:
Half 90s racaille on the bottom,
half mafia boss on top.
I couldn't make up my mind.
So I combined them.
Where are you? I'm waiting.
Shit.
- But it works.
- No, it doesn't.
Nothing to change into?
- Let's go, then.
- Hang on.
Oh shit!
Trust me.
A combat dog, we're in gangsta mode.
I'm warning you: I do the talking.
This isn't GTA.
We only have one life.
- What're you doing?
- Gangsta code. I saw it on TV.
Why whistle, asshole? C'mon.
There.
Now we can go.
Out of the mouth of finks comes truth
Kilo, what're you doing?
What now?
I dunno. He won't budge.
- Drag him by the leash.
- I'm trying.
What gives?
We're coming.
C'mon, Kilo!
Oh, fuck!
- Where's the dough?
- No idea.
Your mother sucks bears
I'll handle this.
Shut up!
Sure.
Keep your trap shut.
Shut the door.
We can't hear ourselves!
It's very simple.
I'm a calm person
and I like to stay that way.
I don't enjoy that stuff.
So if you don't want the same,
follow instructions.
The plan is simple:
I give you 4 kilos of weed today.
You sell it.
You bring back 20,000 euros
Sunday at 8 a.m. on the dot.
Thank you,
the explanation's clear as a bell.
But we only need 2 kilos in fact.
That's the thing.
If you want 2 kilos, fine with me.
But you gotta pay up front.
No credit for under 4 kilos.
I get it.
We gotta take 4 kilos, man.
- We can't take 4 kilos.
- We have to.
I'll take responsibility.
So we'll go with the first option,
the 4-kilo option
because we don't have any money.
I love it when a plan comes together.
- The A-Team.
- Shut up!
Man.
He jabbers.
Okay, guys.
Not a minute, not a second late.
Okay?
Or else,
you know the route.
- To go to the other...
- Where they...
I'm not a wimp, guys.
As soon as we walked in...
I agree.
He's not a joker.
- He's not kidding.
- Shut up!
Okay,
if you're sick of wimpy stuff
and you wanna shift into high gear,
you can do that, too.
XTC.
- Ecstasy.
- I know that.
Sorry. So anyway,
thanks for the opportunity,
because not many
give young people a chance...
Take your bag, your lady,
your dog and beat it.
We've got a long drive.
Thanks again.
Don't forget: Sunday morning,
8 a.m. on the dot.
Oh, fuck.
Your hair looks cool like that.
- Think so?
- Yeah, awesome.
lt feels better now.
Others'll feel better too.
ls it ugly? You bullshitting me?
It's the pits.
David Luiz on 'shrooms.
I kinda like it.
You're making us miss the party.
Can't your old lady wait?
No, she can't wait.
5 minutes,
and you'll be glad for the money.
5 minutes, my ass. I know you.
- I go up and come back down.
- Mega drag...
Shut up.
What's this buzzkill?
The cop's coming toward us.
He's coming this way.
He's coming here!
To tell us to turn around.
- This is bad!
- Relax.
We gotta get outta here.
Shut the door!
Cops can smell fear, like horses.
The weed's in the trunk!
- You're paranoid.
- Shit, the ecstasy!
Hide it in your pocket.
What if they search me?
The street's blocked. Clear the area.
You have to turn around.
A problem, sir?
Articulate.
We're not... No problem.
I'll just back up.
Have a nice day.
You jerk, I swallowed that thing.
Wait, the concierge. Call to her.
- Hey concierge!
- You nuts?
I don't know her name.
Yeah, try Madam.
Excuse me, I'm Samuel.
Hello, young man.
What's going on?
Madame Simone had a bad attack.
They took her to the hospital.
Thanks.
Sure. Goodbye.
It's typical. Old folks have attacks.
No, it's flipping me out.
I feel awful.
And you made me swallow that shit!
You into her?
Who, Madame Simone?
Sure I'm into her. We do theater
together, we talk, we laugh.
You got a thing going. She cute?
Man, she's 80! Are you nuts?
Relax.
If she doesn't take our weed,
we're screwed.
Tell that boxer guy we'll deliver.
I already did. I wrote,
"Dinner's ready. Steak with herbs."
- Man, it...
- Whatsa matter?
- Something zipped by.
- Like a flash?
No, like a zipper.
A fly coming at me.
The stuff's working.
Relax.
They'll be too smashed to notice.
I'm starting to feel it too.
Tonight we'll party.
Put our troubles aside till tomorrow.
C'mon, charge yourself up.
You're right.
You, too.
3, 2, 1 , surprise?
Come on.
Why'd we swallow that stuff?
Nothing's coming out.
- It's not working.
- I know, man.
lt was in a film:
your fingers in my mouth
and your fingers in my fingers...
Okay, I got it.
I can't hear
with your fingers in my mouth.
You gotta hit the glottis.
- lt won't work.
- It's gross!
What're you doing?
We're coming.
What's with you guys?
Why are you being weird?
Man,
we went out to the 'hood
to buy 4 kilos of weed.
I let it out. Shit!
Not hungry after all.
Bento
- It's Bento.
- What's he say?
He's not taking the weed.
No one's taking it.
We're fucked!
We'll get the shit beat out of us.
You guys!
What're you on?
Can we talk seriously a second?
You're flipping me out.
What's up?
It's in the trunk.
I swear... That motha...
Turn the music down!
Shit! What idiots!
I don't believe it.
Why not drop the place right off?
I dunno, man.
Dad was pissed,
I didn't want you to be.
Why should we be?
Because you didn't pay the rent?
I didn't want you in a jam.
Like we're not in a jam now!
Why not say the rent was so high?
Because you never asked?
Cut the victim act.
Relax, Vadim. This is no time.
When's the time, then?
We're all in deep shit now.
Those dealers know where he lives.
Cut the paranoia.
For the moment we're not in danger.
We got a week
to sell the weed and pay.
Fine, great.
How d'you sell 4 kilos
with the old lady and the boxer out?
He takes us for daddy's boys.
He's right. That's just what you are:
rich kids who get a life by dealing.
If you don't want to be helpful,
beat it.
Sure I will.
I'm not getting shafted
for your crap.
You serious?
You didn't mind my paying the rent.
Yeah, right.
It's true, Vad. We're a team.
So what do we do now?
Try to take back the weed?
We're returning the dope
because we don't need it.
We're outta here.
Leave him alone.
Well?
Negative. No go.
- The keys, Tim.
- What'd he say?
- I got the keys?
- Not much. He just bitchslapped us.
My nose is bleeding.
- Who has the keys?
- That all?
No, and that he'd make us
eat each other's balls.
A 69, can you imagine?
Meaning?
I guess he'd put us
head to tail at the nuts.
You have the keys!
Shut up with your 69!
So we're shit out of luck.
We gotta sell the weed.
But to who?
We know no dealers.
Why not sell it ourselves?
In half-zips.
In what?
Half-zips. Don't know that?
- No, explain.
- It's simple.
We've got 4 kilos of pot.
That's about 4000 grams.
In fact, it's...
It's 4000.
Totally. If my math is right.
We divide it into half-ounces.
Into half-zips.
We cut it.
Actually, no. Cutting
is for hash,
but the stems make it harder.
But with a little scale we could...
Hang on, we don't follow.
Show us.
Maybe, yeah.
You coming?
Maybe it's easier if I show you...
Why do we dress like this?
Ever see a cop stop a guy
wearing tassel loafers?
Tim's dick hanging out - legendary!
Hey! How's it going on your end?
Not fantastic.
We've managed to pick up...
about 800, 900 at most.
It's a very weird party.
Julia vanished and I'm stressing out.
How much you got?
I'll count it and tell you.
I'm going to look for Julia.
Very weird scene here.
Hey, take it easy.
I found Julia, man.
And Vadim.
Man, she's making it with Vadim.
Fuck, man! Vadim showed up
and they're frenching like crazy.
You hear me?
Why hang up?
I gotta tell 'em how much.
We got cut off.
Here.
What's this?
Are you guys together or what?
Sort of.
Yeah, sort of! Since when?
I dunno. Who cares?
I care! How can you be so cagey?
Relax.
And if you could keep it quiet...
If you want. You're lucky,
I was just telling Nestor,
and we got cut off.
You cagey bastards!
Let's get outta here.
Like Chandler and Monica!
How cagey!
Not enough.
I hoped we'd sell more.
Vadim?
Come look.
- What is it?
- Look at this.
See what I was saying?
She's so radiant, that bitch!
Look at this. I can't stand it.
You wanna squeeze the milk
out of those tits.
I'd make some lady cheese out of it!
What a pig!
- Julia is family!
- I know.
But she could get me hot.
Look at this.
You're such a pig.
What's the problem?
I'm going to bed.
It's Maia. At least answer.
I waited like a fool.
You'd better have an excuse.
Ali, it's Sam.
Remember, some customers
wanted me personally
to look after their car?
Text me or call
if one of them shows up.
Hang on. One was looking for you.
You know, that tightwad actress.
Whatsherface?
Yeah, totally.
She left her number.
Send it to me then. Great.
Barnaby is an old friend.
He's got a weird personality,
but he's a good guy.
Okay.
Check this out.
Sorry...
Framed panties!
Vera, Prague, 1993.
Svetlana, St Petersburg, 1988.
I wasn't even born
when he was doin' tons of chicks.
Doin', doin'...
Hey, a Y-front.
Lisbon, 2007. Pedro.
That's a quality. The guy's open.
Yes, a quality.
Sorry, gentlemen, I kept you...
Sit down, don't move,
take it easy.
First, thanks for coming, guys.
Thank you.
No, thank you for coming.
Here's the score:
I'm throwing a big party
for my only daughter's 20th.
Sophie's one of a kind.
I know from experience
what harm drugs can do.
So for that, I got to thinking,
and here's the concept:
I told her:
"Okay for a party, but I do the pot
"for you and your little pals
on one condition:
"You touch nothing else."
You can trust them.
Their weed is top grade.
I approve that dope 100 percent.
Well then, Fanny dear,
if you trust, I trust,
we all trust them.
We have trust. A virtuous circle.
Dunno why,
but I like your little
fucktard dealers.
"Fucktard" is a bit...
Instinct, man.
So, let's recap:
I gather there's about 150 guests...
Let me interrupt.
It's crap!
Bummer, it itches.
Sorry, I interrupted.
- No, I was talking.
- I interrupted you?
Sorry, I didn't interrupt.
So, about 150 people,
1 kilo to be safe, in that range.
Why don't we have
a weed catering service?
You'd be here
rolling blunts for the guests.
I picture you in waiter's livery.
Totally chic.
Totally chic.
- What's so funny?
- I dunno.
Hey, Fanny, you ought to settle down.
You're pretty stoned.
Not at all.
Fine idea.
If I could piggyback on that,
Tim's an excellent cook,
so for an additional fee
he could do
a sort of Maryjane buffet.
Like space food.
Space food!
Americano!
Hold it.
And we figured...
Sorry.
- The phone.
- Sure.
I'm listening.
Put the guy on.
I told you he was a bit...
weird.
Yeah... weird.
ls that how it is?
I'll mash you to a pulp.
You okay, Barn?
No, Barn's not okay.
That DJ clown just cancelled
a week before the party.
It's a disaster!
Fucking Pinocchio boy!
Allow me to interrupt.
You mentioned DJ, Pinocchio...
We have a friend
who's very cute, she mixes great
and I know she's free.
The guy hesitates, then...
Bingo!
Sure he didn't say "banco"?
Banco? Bingo? I don't remember.
So how much we got?
I didn't finish.
He said "bingo."
The jerk got it wrong.
Please! Who cares?
So I sold him a video, too,
that you'll shoot, Vad,
and suckered him
into the whole package
for 17,000, and he said yes.
Which means with what
we sold already, we can pay Omar.
Incredible!
I've come to see Madame Simone.
Are you family?
Not really.
I'm sorry,
only family members
are allowed to visit.
Alright.
Could I leave my number in case...
- No problem.
- Thanks.
Here.
Wait, sorry.
Could you give her this?
It's a doll, but she's fond of it.
Alright.
Have a nice day.
Maia, wait, please.
I fucked up. Let me explain.
I'm listening.
Right here, now?
So I figured.
Please!
If I didn't call,
it's because I'm also an intern.
I work nights in a hospital
for...
Shit!
I'll say what comes to mind:
I've been flying since I was a kid,
The air force gave me
a secret mission.
I was abroad. No signal, no 3G.
Sometimes some crappy Edge.
Even better.
I'm shy. Pathologically shy.
A headbanger
who can't even punch a number.
I go nuts.
You know what?
That's not even fucking true.
I've got this instinct
that makes me say stuff like that.
But it's not true, that's all.
Today I'll tell the truth.
The truth is
I owe 20,000 euros
to a hothead dealer,
a wacko billionaire
is buying back my debt,
and I didn't want to involve you.
But I was thinking about you.
Really.
And that's the truth.
You really take me for a fool.
If you're not into me, that's fine.
But don't give me nonsense like that.
You're pathetic.
It's true, dammit.
It's true.
Why'd you run off that evening?
What?
- You'd lost something.
- Totally, yeah.
I remember. I'd lost my bracelet.
I figured, if you...
A dump.
I took a dump
on Mr. Limoges' doormat,
and I was holding my turd.
It'd look odd.
Oh, I see.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
I was afraid you thought
I was the one who farted.
You must be kidding.
I'm the one who farted.
lt was you. Good.
I'll get back to work.
So long.
You scared me!
I thought it was the neighbor.
What're you doing?
Switching names with Limoges.
Why? He'll get our mail
and we'll get his.
It's to steal his mail.
But we won't get ours.
I'm too tired. Do what you want.
But don't wake me at 5 a.m.
The party's tomorrow.
Okay, don't worry.
- Everything going well?
- Hey, man.
Canap!
It's in the shape of a canap.
I got it, Tim.
Gentlemen.
It's the right time
to introduce the one all this is for.
This is my daughter, Sophie.
Pleased to meet you.
My pleasure.
And happy birthday.
This is my jewel, my star.
Isn't she gorgeous?
She's what matters most to me
since her mother...
Excuse me, man, stop
when I'm talking.
Thanks. Since her mother left me
on a misunderstanding.
Be very careful
to avoid misunderstandings, guys.
Thanks for the advice.
Good advice.
There.
I'm going back out.
Me too. Guests are arriving.
Naturally.
How's it going?
- Okay, and you?
- Fine.
Those two are already smashed.
- Good job!
- Not bad, huh?
My croquembouche
with pot cream stuffed pastries.
Wild!
Hold on.
I'll stuff my daughter's last puff.
Sure.
I like the symbolism.
Squeeze the pastry bag,
but not too hard...
Shit!
Put hot water on it.
Scrub hard. Sorry, you can't...
Fuck!
The guy's wacko.
Why won't you tell the others?
You're such a pain.
I don't get it.
Only Nestor and Tim don't know.
Stop! I can't take any more.
What's with you?
It's over, is that it?
Leave me alone!
Okay, have a nice evening.
Ballbuster!
His damn cream won't come out.
Look at this! Brand new...
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
No, fella.
None of that between us.
This is the house of joy.
I want my guests to feel comfortable.
Go on,
enjoy yourself.
Take it slow,
that's good,
like that, right.
Tell her stuff.
Say things to her, I tell ya.
Go on, say stuff to her.
How's it going?
You idiot, not "how's it going?"
Tell her wild stuff.
Like "I love licking
your fleshy little tit."
Go on!
I love licking your fuzzy little tit.
Skip it, you lack the vocabulary.
Pull her hair back, like that.
Go on.
I love it, go on.
It's me, Daddy,
Sorry.
Think you can kiss a chick
and I don't care?
I thought we broke up.
- I didn't say that!
- Yes you did.
- You did.
- You don't get it!
I just wanted time to...
Not rush into it.
Rush into what? It's been a year.
What d'you want me to say?
That I'm pregnant and
want to keep it because I love you?
I dunno. Why say that?
There, I told you.
What?
That I'm pregnant.
I love you, Vad.
Where is he?
Where's that scumbag?
The bastard
who fucks my daughter under my roof!
The little bitch.
That asshole!
You thought I was easy?
You'll see how easy I am!
Get your ass back here.
You sonofabitch, when I find you
I'll pulverize you!
Deal of the day:
I'll blow you a new asshole!
Man, I'm primed!
Little bastard! You gave me a boost!
Hang on, I think it's him.
It's him. Move it! C'mon!
I didn't know she was his daughter.
Not now, man.
- Where's Julia?
- At her mom's. She's tired.
I thought
she went to suck some guy off.
Shut up, now!
What's the deal?
Shut up, I said.
Talk about Julia and I'll sock you.
Hiding something?
Yeah, go get fucked!
Why not say you were together?
When I talked to you about her?
Hang on, who's together?
What is this?
Julia and me are an item.
- Okay? Can we move on?
- Let go of me!
Asshole.
But he's right.
We really are in deep shit.
Are you serious?
And who's fault is it?
Once again you thought
with your dick.
Don't pull your level-headed
niggah act.
Cut it out. Something's more urgent.
We have no dope, no money,
and 24 hours to find a solution.
You're raving mad!
You put us in the shit
and then tell us to calm down.
And cut the "we."
It's your problem to start with.
So what do we do, guys?
Are you serious?
Okay.
So that's how it is?
That's just great.
A fine family we've become!
Thanks. You know what, Tim?
Omar dealt with you and me,
so you're fucked, too.
Even more,
because it was your contact.
If it's everyone for himself, fine.
I'm outta here.
You can all go get fucked!
Sam's right.
I'm the one who found Omar.
- I'm a dead man.
- Stop, Tim.
I'm dead.
So we wait for Omar's thugs?
What's the plan?
I might have an idea.
A good run
in the Longchamp Abbey Cup...
...is set for an excellent run
in the Brocher Cup.
Gregory Benoit
is riding Spirit Quartz
once again heading to Ascot.
I'd like to put
2,390 euros on Ruby of the Islands.
- Odds are nine to one, right?
- That's right.
We'd like to speak
with Captain Latour.
Regarding?
Drug dealing.
One moment.
That's...
Goddammit!
What a moron!
You can yak away about bumfucking
Julia and be totally focused,
but too spaced out to check your
pockets before going to the police.
Almost neck and neck.
Off to a good start
is Number 10 coming up with
Roboba from the inside.
Yeah, good going!
Number 3 is making progress
alongside Grand Galil...
Yes! Not bad.
Go, go! Lengthen it!
Fuck, no!
Goddammit to hell!
Oh, shit!
Samuel, it's Maia.
I've got bad news.
It's Madame Simone...
Thank you all for coming
for the burial
of our dear Madame Simone,
who was an exceptional woman.
And tomorrow,
prayers will be held
for her soul at 7:30 p.m.
Thank you again.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
Madame Simone told me.
Sorry I didn't believe you.
But you were right:
I can't see myself involved
with a dealer.
What I realize
is that I managed
to wreck everything so fast.
lt must be a world record.
Everyone thinks I'm a rotten liar
who can't be trusted.
A pretty perfect track record.
She said, "If he comes
to the funeral, give it to him.
"If he doesn't, throw it out
"and forget about him."
I don't think she ever doubted
you'd be here.
I'll be going.
As misfortune falls,
twilight comes into view.
The breeze blows it away,
and hope is renewed.
Come in.
Chief,
I have a young lawyer in custody
who insists on seeing you.
Says it's real important,
has friends in high places, etc.
Bring him in.
Not too pissed about Vadim and Julia?
No, but...
I had a thing for Julia
but I knew we'd never hook up.
They're family.
If they're happy, I am too.
lt just pisses me off
that he didn't tell me.
True.
And with the concierge's daughter?
I dunno.
Not great.
You could have anyone
if you did it right.
I'm not as cool as you.
I can't do it.
I'm not cool, man. It's not...
Sure you are.
Think a cool guy does a new one
every night?
No, it's a guy who's unhappy,
who can't find what he's after.
What?
What're you talking about?
You got a complex?
That complex...
The pervert who wanted
to do his old lady?
Oedipus! The Oedipus complex.
- ls that it?
- Pretty much.
That pussy complex.
Come with me.
You're here! I'm so glad.
And the others?
Can't reach 'em.
- Come here.
- What's up?
Madame Simone, from my acting class.
She gave me this painting
and left me a poem about watercolor,
twilight and renewal.
I have a feeling
there's a message, a metaphor.
Like a treasure hunt.
Maybe it's just her last joke.
She capable of it.
What're you doing?
Holy shit! lt wasn't a joke.
Shit! How much is there?
All 500s.
There're all 500s.
We've got it!
What'd he say?
He's calling the precinct.
He's keeping us tonight,
but if they nab Omar,
we're out tomorrow.
ls that good news?
Yeah, it's good news.
- Nice going.
- So it's cool.
They're still on voicemail.
Tim, it's Sam.
Why don't you answer?
I came up with the money.
I'll take it to Omar tomorrow at 8.
So call me back.
Cheers.
To Madame Simone.
Excellent toast. To Madame Simone.
Not drinking?
I can't any more.
Why not?
Julia's pregnant.
Pregnant by you?
You're gonna be a daddy?
I guess so.
Gonna name him Tim?
I don't think so.
I understand.
Man!
That's incredible!
Man, that's...
My chum's pregnant, guys!
I'm gonna be an uncle.
He'll be called Samuel!
I'm not sure about that.
The name's not sure.
This is unbelievable!
I'll drink to little Samuel's health.
You never know.
It's so cool.
You're gonna be an uncle.
I'm gonna be an uncle, man.
You crying?
No, I'm not crying.
Yes you are.
It's just that I'm moved.
Any ideas for a godfather?
How about him?
Yes, Chief?
We've taken a certain Omar Khedi
into custody.
He was holding several kilos
of cannabis, cocaine
and other narcotics.
I've got tons of messages.
My battery's dead.
We also arrested a young customer
who'd come to pay.
It's Sam. Why aren't you answering?
I got the money.
I'm taking it to Omar at 8 a.m.
What's going on?
So call me back.
Sam went to meet Omar.
Voicemail.
Oh fuck!
Shit, shit, shit!
C'mon guys!
The early bird doesn't get the worm.
- Here's to Samuel!
- Cheers.
C'mon, Jules. Have a drink.
At worst he'll be a mongoloid.
We'll love him no matter what.
Keep it up
and I won't call him Tim or Sam.
Listen to the boss.
You could call him Omar.
Omar's not bad.
We busted ass when all we had to do
was turn him in.
No, it was an emergency.
I'd have preferred
the code of the 'hood.
Definitely.
Here you go.
What's up, Sam?
Not treating?
It's better if I don't.
Then okay. Yeppa!
You didn't stress the right syllable.
Give it some pizzazz.
I'm paying, so I do it my way.
The machine, please.
Thanks, Vad.
Don't mention it.
We're not making noise.
Your neighbor's been badly beaten.
Did you hear anything?
Mr. Limoges was attacked?
That's right.
No, we didn't hear a thing.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
Very well. 'Evening.
Good evening.
We'll murda you
Bangkok - all airports
What's going on, man?
We're outta here.
24 hours later
I never imagined
we'd go through all that.
But it taught me one thing:
You can go to the end of the world
for a friend.
There's lots of words for friends.
I can say
my brother, my pal,
my sidekick, my soul mate,
my comrade.
All words for something rare.
"...a second chance."
Someone who's not your family
or your lover
but who you love deeply.
But there's something odd
about friendship.
For instance,
you can't question family.
You have the same name,
the same blood, stuff that binds you
to other family members.
Family is beyond question.
Same goes for couples.
Rules reassure us about our status.
You say "I love you,"
you hold hands,
you give Valentine's gifts
and even an engagement ring,
then you have kids.
Once again,
family is beyond question.
On the other hand,
friendship is a lot less clear.
You don't have to be faithful,
no reason to be jealous.
No ring, no ceremony,
no champagne to celebrate friendship.
Yet of all life's relationships,
friendships are likely
to last the longest.
It'll be all right.
Good thing you're here.
They say love affairs end badly
and that you can't choose
your family.
But we can say we chose ours.