Floating! (2015) Movie Script

You're snoring, Jana.
I had such a weird dream last night.
It was the day before our wedding
and you were fat.
Not like me.
I mean, seriously fat.
And then I realized
that you were pregnant, not fat.
I mean, you were fat.
But because you were pregnant.
So I thought:
If she's the one who's pregnant,
I'm the one who can have sex.
Who with?
I forgot the name.
Who with?
Well, she had short hair
and she was pretty hot.
Who with?
Maybe we should tell Momo
about the dream.
Maybe it's a sort of sign
that you should have the baby.
Maybe we shouldn't tell Momo.
Why not?
I'm sure it's better for us
to give him a good impression.
A good impression?
I wasn't being entirely serious.
-The father-to-be.
The sperm-donor-to-be!
I'll show you the raft, come on.
Does Katha know I'm here?
No. That's the joke.
Come on.
We even have a toilet.
What joke?
I'm so hungry.
-I'm really so hungry.
-Ignore it.
I can't.
And now?
You go shopping?
-No, you.
Rock paper scissors.
Rock paper scissors.
So you're leaving me?
But I bought breakfast!
Back upstairs?
What's going on?
Have fun!
Yes, she's gone.
That's right, you can come now.
Bachelor party!
So where do you think
we are going, honey?
No idea. Take your hands off me!
-Where are we going, sweetheart?
-No idea.
The bride-to-be.
How are you?
Don't dare take the bag off!
-Momo. And you are?
-Tobi, Katha's little brother.
This way, please.
Now you just wait here.
For you...
-And for her.
Hey, go away!
-Come on.
Take the pants off!
You do it.
I'll do it.
Pull it down!
-Are you wearing panties?
-Can I take it off now?
A weekend on a raft.
Drinking, drinking, drinking...
Bachelor party, yeah!
Oh, a photo.
Great you're here.
Let's take a picture.
Why did you invite Momo?
So you could get to know each other.
And so the future father will be...
But we wanted it to be less personal.
But we wanted it to be less personal.
Just be pleased.
It will be great.
There is no father.
There isn't.
But it would still be nice
if you got to know each other.
-And where did you get his number?
-From Jana.
Relax. Let's take a photo, okay?
Penis photo!
-I'll crouch down.
-You too.
A little perverted, isn't it?
You put your mouth here too.
-Come closer, Momo.
-I'm here.
Come on, come on!
-There's no pressure.
-Just pull.
I was given the instructions.
But you need to pull.
I am pulling.
It looks easier than it is.
Just let me do it.
Really, you...
What's up?
Charlie, I'm starting the BBQ, ok?
-Wait. Let me do it, please.
-Come on, then.
Then let me steer.
This is Charlie.
We've known each other forever.
-For a long time?
-Forever. Since we were two.
That's Tobi, my brother.
You can tell.
-He's younger?
And this is Ken. I work with him.
You work with Ken?
-I work with her.
Everybody, this is Momo.
Who is our, well, Momo.
Yes, I'm Momo.
Hi, Momo!
Charlie, what if
I need to go to the toilet?
Pee in the water, poo in the box.
What box?
Lots of privacy.
It's really warm. It's great.
Let's all jump in.
What's up?
Are you coming?
No, I'm not a great swimmer.
I'm serious.
Come with us.
I'll look after you.
What happens actually if you...
-...open here?
-Are you crazy?
Come on!
Wait, Tobi, I'm coming.
Come here!
-So you went to school together?
-Pre-school actually.
But we became really good friends
when you...
-Oh God.
-You threw up in Anne Mueller's shoes.
And I held her hair.
-Who was Anne Mueller?
-She was our classmate.
She always threw the best parties.
Her parents were from...
From Swabia.
Anne had keys to the liquor cabinet.
-Fancy liquor.
They kept great stuff in there.
Kathi got absolutely wasted
and didn't make it outside.
Everybody had had to take off
their shoes in the hall.
She threw up right in Anne Mueller's shoe.
And what's more, Anne went
to the gas station to get more beer
in her shoes that were full of vomit.
Do we only have
meat and sausages?
No potato salad? Vegetables?
-Charlie has a vegetable intolerance.
-How old were you then?
-Yes, twelve.
At fourteen I had alcohol poisoning
and you drove the car into a wall.
Wait. What? What?
You say it like it's nothing.
We stole a car
when we were fourteen.
-I did not steal a car.
-You stole a car?
No, I tried to move it.
But just so we could teach
Mrs. Radomski a lesson.
-Oh, man.
-You nearly got expelled.
She was the most loathed
Latin teacher.
-I was suspended.
-Two weeks.
-You deserved it.
-But we were older. Sixteen or so.
-No, we were fourteen.
And shortly after that, you banged
the girl from the 6th grade.
Not true.
You made that up.
-It's not true. He made that up.
-Who was it? What was her name?
-No idea.
-What was her name?
-Yeah, what was her name?
There was no one.
Are you kidding me?
I didn't make it up.
-You know you did.
-You did.
-You were proud of it.
He wanted to kiss me and I refused.
He was offended so invented that story.
I believe that right away.
What the fuck.
-You were in love with my sister?
Yes, you were.
But what was even crazier...
It was when we tied you to a tree
and then forgot you.
That was really...
-You tied him to a tree.
-You forgot him?
-He got on our nerves so we tied him...
-I was seven and a half.
Charlie, enough!
We tied him to a tree
and then he went and peed himself.
Not true...
I didn't!
It's not true that I peed myself.
Half the school called you Mr. Pee.
-Because you told them that!
-"Here comes Mr. Pee!"
-Enough stories.
Siblings are never easy on each other.
So what then?
Is your child going to have a sibling?
Are you planning for a sibling?
-Do you want even more?
-Two, or what?
We... don't want anything together.
What? Us?
I mean, that's...
-It's Katha's child.
-And what?
I think it's better than one.
Ultrainterine insemination.
Intra... intrauterine insemination.
Intrauterine insemination.
What's so funny about that?
What do you mean?
Well, it means that during ovulation
the man's semen is extracted.
There is a male ovulation?
No, during ovulation, the man...
I mean,
while the woman ovulates, obviously.
Tobi, have you ovulated lately?
No, right?
I have!
Stop interrupting her.
So, during ovulation
the sperm is being retrieved,
then centrifugalized and cleaned.
Well, let's say: refined.
And then the active creatures,
the active thingies...
are put back inside the woman.
With a cap or a syringe.
Not put back.
They're injected.
Then there's the cup method
which means...
Drinking as many cups as it takes
and then fucking.
-I'm sorry.
The cup method...
You jerk off and pour it in.
Doing a handstand.
Well, that's not quite...
-Not like the intra...
-It's where there's no...
There's no doctor.
Yeah, there's no doctor involved,
and the donor can do it directly.
-So you could do it at home?
It's like this.
I'll draw it for you.
It's like this.
Like this.
This is the uterus, okay?
Looks like a sheep's head.
-No, it doesn't!
-It's good.
The cap goes in about here.
Like this.
And then they swim up...
And the spermatozoid thingies
move around here.
-Until it works.
Got it?
-Looks good.
But how did you meet then?
Through a newspaper ad.
I told you that already.
What newspaper?
-It's a specialist magazine.
-What were you reading that for?
Because I was thinking about real life.
-That's none of your business!
-Why did you do that?
You read about soccer
without playing any, don't you?
-How many guys did you look at?
-Sixteen, I think.
And we chose Momo.
-So Momo will be the father?
-No, he won't be the father.
-I'm donating sperm.
They're two different things.
-You're two mothers. Where's the father?
-There won't be one.
-He'll be the biological father.
-Let's call him the biological producer.
And if the child wants to know
who its biological father is?
That won't happen.
I find it perfectly normal.
It's the only way for two women
to have a child.
So I guess you have to
come up with something.
But doesn't anyone...
I totally get it.
-Nobody is against wheelchairs either.
So we're disabled?
No, but people who can't walk,
can now roll.
It's great.
A great invention.
Just like sperm donation for two women
who can't have kids together.
Why didn't you ask us, actually?
Yeah, that's...
-Tobi would have been great.
No, that would be weird.
Like incest.
You'd be a blood relative then.
Yes, but he'd be the father.
-I want to be the uncle, not the dad.
-He doesn't want it.
-And she'd be the aunt...
-Yes, exactly.
It's also...
-She'd be the aunt?
-Of course. If he's the father.
The biological aunt, maybe.
Yes, but still. That...
-Or Ken, why isn't he the father?
-Exactly, what about Ken?
We sort of...
We didn't really...
Okay, so you wanted a father
who was kind of anonymous.
I didn't mean it in a bad way.
-What's wrong now?
-When the kid...
Can we maybe change the subject?
Anyone want chips?
Yes, we Ken!
No, but seriously,
Ken is great at soccer,
really sporty.
That's what I mean.
You know?
Sheltered workshop St. Jakob's, hello?
- I'll be right back, okay? Hello?
I can't understand you. Hello?
That's better.
Hi Catapult, how's it going?
- Yeah, not bad.
Great! I'm having a
great time, too.
The neighbors downstairs
with that fat ugly child
have already been up three times
to complain it's too loud.
But there's only six of us!
Maybe we are a bit...
- Yeah, funny, right?
-I'm having fun, too.
Really? Oh, I'm so glad.
- The raft was a great idea.
Why did you give Charlie
Momo's number?
Momo's number?
Yeah, I gave it to Charlie.
-Not such a good idea.
I just thought...
It would be nice for you two
to get to know each other.
And for you to relax a bit.
But I'm not... not-relaxed.
No, no, no.
That's not what I meant.
I thought we were going to...
-Keep it private.
- I know, of course.
Yes, no, right...
You're the biological father,
you can't ignore that.
Someday the kid will...
Because of the virility.
And... the virility.
Maybe the kid will turn up
on your doorstep
when it's eighteen,
saying, "Here I am."
I feel like you know about everything.
You know how it works.
You're not even there.
I mean you are, but...
You could just leave.
But I don't want to leave.
No. No, of course.
I know that. Yeah.
You don't understand what I mean, do you?
Not really, no.
Oh Kathinkastan,
I'm too drunk for this conversation.
You don't sound that drunk to me.
But you know,
the girls made so much effort.
There is even going to be
a surprise guest.
I have no idea who it is.
Who's there with you?
Helene, Marie, Maria, Kathrin, Steffi.
I'm coming!
I really have to go
back in there now...
Have fun, I'll be in touch. Okay?
Really? Yeah?
Ken, I underestimated you.
It's going to happen.
Anne Mueller!
How is it going? Jana?
And that's why I want to make honey.
With my own hands.
It's not about making
an organic product for people,
but about the phenomenon
of doing what's right by the bees,
that miracle of nature.
And I think
that's what I found in Lena.
What we have is really special.
-You know?
Until the fungal infestation comes.
Like in the bee hive.
Sure, it's a risk one takes.
You fall in love,
spend a great first summer,
you go on vacation,
you plan your future,
move in together.
You get married,
go on honeymoon, then...
Then everyday life kicks in.
You live more like siblings,
and then you cheat on each other.
But it won't happen to us.
I think.
Because I never
had anything like this before.
And if it is then for me, it's...
Well, and for Lena too...
Sometimes, for example, she...
I mean, she didn't reply
to two of my text messages.
But we did talk on the phone.
She's just very different.
I don't think it's a bad sign.
And when it does come to that...
On a summer's day you can't imagine
it ever being minus 15 degrees.
Anne Mueller.
That's why I didn't finish the course.
That's the reason I'm still there.
The analyses are just great.
It was too theoretical for me.
Oh my god Katha, are you okay?
Here's what I'll say if the police
stop me:
Everything's fine.
I can still drive.
Ahoy, savoy!
Pee in the water, poo in the box.
Give it a try at least.
-It's really good Italian salami.
-Do you know the Anne Mueller story?
-It helps.
Anne Mueller was
in Charlie and Katha's class.
No, really?
And then they had a party
and Katha got totally wasted.
-What did they drink?
Or schnapps?
Yes, Swabian schnapps.
-The parents were from Swabia.
And Katha got so wasted that she puked
into Anne Mueller's shoes.
And in those puke-filled shoes,
Anne Mueller went to the gas station.
Tobi, give me your cell phone.
-Your phone.
-Wait, I'll get it.
Tell me, Ken.
How did you meet the stripper?
I met her at a cocktail beach bar.
I was at the bar
and she came and sat next to me.
And asked me if I want
sex on the beach.
Real sex on the beach or the drink?
First the drink.
It was a really great night.
She introduced me to all her colleagues,
girls of course,
and we all became friends.
They take me with them everywhere.
We went to Mallorca for example.
They have a yacht there
and we go around the islands.
But you don't need
a yacht there to be honest.
All you do is put your towel out
and some sunscreen on,
and they come of their own accord.
I've barely put sunscreen on one arm,
and it's already crazy.
I can take you sometime if you want.
You didn't believe that, did you?
Sylvie and I studied together.
Two years of psychology.
She's doing her Ph.D. at the moment.
A very smart woman.
She only strips occasionally.
Just so you know.
You must know her, Katha.
She was at my birthday party.
All our fellow students know her.
You must be able to remember her.
But you were totally wasted then, too.
Tobi, it's Lena...
-Let me know if Jana texts.
Anne Mueller!
What's wrong, Kathi?
Need a shoe?
We've got nothing else
to say to each other, do we?
Everything has been said.
It's hard, right?
There's so much going on right now
in my life.
And you're always the same, ever since...
Same wife, same children.
-That's not true!
-Same house.
You're even wearing
the same shoes.
That's not always easy.
Sometimes I want to chuck it all away.
But I don't.
That takes strength too.
We don't know
what each other wants anymore.
We've grown apart.
I know what you want.
You just want to be happy.
To have a good life, be satisfied.
But then why do you
want to destroy that?
I heard what you said
to Momo last night.
I don't want to destroy anything.
I just want to be supportive
and helpful
and maybe ask one or two questions
that you...
Because it might help you clarify things.
You think it will be so easy.
No way.
And if the guy isn't even ready
for my questions,
he's surely not the right father.
But I don't want a child with Momo,
don't you get it?
But you will have one.
That's what you don't get.
And it will be like that forever.
And what's up with Ken?
I'm going to take a shit.
Yeah, what's up with me?
I really need to take a shit.
I'll go get the box.
-Anyone in the toilet?
-Yes, me.
I have a cramp.
It's okay.
-Is the corkscrew here?
Guys get out of there.
She's shitting.
Charlie, can you give me my phone?
-Hey, Katha.
-You know where the corkscrew is?
-No idea.
Got one!
Hi, Jana. Yes, I'll get her.
It's Jana.
-Toby, you don't have to stay there.
Oh, Cackuma...
Oh Catapult...
I am so drunk again!
No. Stay there. Stay!
You silly roll!
No, I'm not talking to you.
This stupid toilet paper just doesn't do
what I want it to do.
You wouldn't believe
how much fun we had.
I think I've never had
so much fun in my life!
Hilarious. And loud. Really loud.
Shall I tell you something?
Honestly my head is still banging.
Right, and now...
But actually I'm really angry.
Do you know who the surprise guest is?
It's Susan!
I mean, man...
I mean what kind of friends
would do that?
This is my bachelorette party.
Why did they ruin it?
I mean how many times
do you have a bachelorette party?
Once? Twice?
But not more.
I really...
I really have to talk to them.
Yes, you're right.
I will talk to them.
I mean, they know exactly what I...
I mean we, what we went through
because of her.
But you'd be really proud of me.
Because, you know what?
I haven't said a single word to her,
not one!
Just nothing.
Fine, I mean, it is ages ago now.
So yes, it might be a little childish.
But to be honest, I don't care.
It doesn't bother me one bit, but...
I mean, no. Not with me.
It's really weird.
It must be weird for you, too.
It's our bed, after all.
Our apartment, of course.
Oh Kathinkastan, I don't know...
Hey, what made her think...
Really, what the hell made her think
she could come here?
How did she have the guts?
Ok, it's seven years ago, but seriously,
you want to know what I think?
I genuinely think she is mad.
And to be honest I think they all are.
All of them.
Oh, Kitty Cat, why aren't you here?
You know?
When you're with me, then...
I'm good.
But you don't need to worry...
I mean, okay, she's still
extremely good-looking.
But I like you so much better.
Listen, don't worry!
I'm going to end it now.
The call, I mean.
Because that stupid bitch
has been standing outside the door
and needs to piss.
Everything okay?
-Susan is at ours.
-That bitch?
-Who invited her?
-Jana's friends.
-What kind of friends would do that?
-No idea.
There's no meat in this.
Unless I cut myself.
Nothing at all?
What's going on?
Susan's at home with Jana.
-That bitch?
-That bitch.
Her friends invited her.
-Why did they do that?
-I don't know.
What kind of friends would do that?
No idea.
Who is this Susan?
Susan was sort of still with Jana
when Kathi and Jana moved in together.
For six months Susan couldn't let go.
Kathi and Jana were together
but for a year
there were still things going on.
Constant text messages.
I mean, it was just...
She stalked her the whole time.
Who would invite her?
-Her friends.
-What kind of friends?
She even threatened Katha on Facebook.
She didn't threaten me...
-She said you shouldn't go to the concert.
-But that's not a threat.
But that's crazy for them to invite her.
And you guys know her?
Not personally.
-No, I've never actually seen her.
Only on Facebook.
What does she look like?
I don't think she's attractive.
But what kind of friends
would invite her?
Don't fuck it up.
Look, it's not Jana's fault
that Susan turned up at the party.
Nothing will happen.
I'd vouch for the two of you.
And what about when I'm drunk?
That was just a little kiss.
Like playing spin-the-bottle.
I'm sorry for tying you
to the tree back then.
It's okay.
I'm afraid he'll change his mind
after last night.
No, it was right to take him here.
Think he knows what he's getting into?
No. But who does?
You don't know that either.
This is really forever, isn't it?
Yes, forever and ever.
And you're getting involved
with two people at once.
I think it's great.
Do you think he can cook?
Come on! Let's go out!
Renate club! Renate! Renate!
-No, you go without me.
-Come with us.
Jana has a great club,
and it's called her bed.
No way!
This might be the last time
we can do this!
That tastes great.
Try it with the horseradish.
-I said he could cook.
-And some wine, please.
Wine, here you go.
-Thank you.
It's like Ancient Rome.
-This tastes really good.
-And you just dip it?
-That's right.
You can use your hands.
Any way to get it to your mouth.
And celery works quite well, too.
I need to get comfortable.
-I used to be a meat eater.
-Well done, Momo.
It's really good.
-Glad you like it.
-You've become a real vegetarian.
-At least since this afternoon.
-Burger or knuckle of pork?
-You can use the bread knife.
-Honey melon?
What's that?
Leave it, it suits you.
That's quite a stick, Ken.
-This is the last night like this.
-No way.
It's so close.
I'm out!
Can I stay here if you don't join them?
To talk?
We're going to the Loophole!
You need to be quiet on the stairs.
Quick, quick.
A little bit quieter, okay?
Come on, let's go!
Have fun.
No, you have to be quiet!
You need to leave. Now.
There was no other way.
Can I have some more wine?
What was that?
-It's a basketball net.
-You have a hole in your shirt.
Oh. You have a hole too.
I can almost see your nipple.
Some fun games you're playing here.
K... Ken!
Actually I wanted to write Kathi.
Yeah, right.
-I also read Ken.
I read Kake, did you mean cake?
I wrote K... A... Ka... Ken...
Is there still some wine?
No, no, I don't want any more.
I don't want to drink any more.
What would you have done
if I had left?
No idea.
You don't care at all
that I don't want to talk to you?
You're like a disease.
That's why I feel so contagious
when I'm around you.
Well, you are.
What do you want?
Don't laugh when I tell you.
I brought you something.
It's a dream diary.
A what?
I've been dreaming
about you for a year now,
and one day I started writing it down.
is so psycho.
It's sick.
And I absolutely won't read it.
You do realize
this really isn't a good moment?
Well I had to try.
Try what?
And why do you need
10,000 Euros, Momo?
-He wants to start an apiary.
-You don't need 10,000 Euros for that.
You need two thousand.
I saw that on TV.
I hardly ever have signal here.
What do you need the rest for?
For seven years I was married
to the best woman in the world,
who cheated on me
with my best friend for a year.
We paid the deposit,
the mortgage was approved,
and if you want to
get out of stuff like that,
you need to pay a prepayment penalty,
and that's a whole bunch of cash.
Did you want children with her?
I've ruined the mood.
No, it's just incredibly boring.
Time to sleep, then.
-Good night.
-Really sad, isn't it?
You're not serious...
Do you think it's easy for me
to come here, all on my own,
and lay it all out on the line to you,
after you left me?
You provoked me!
Yeah, well.
Not everybody is as courageous
as you are, Jana.
And you've realized that now?
A lot of time has passed.
I understand now
what you wanted then.
I can do that now, and I will do it.
I'll try my very best. It's...
I can now.
I'm wide awake now.
Me too.
Maybe we should use the time.
What do you mean?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Not really?
-It's not embarrassing.
-Yes, it is.
I just never thought about us
like this.
Am I like all the other women now?
Well, maybe just a little.
I knew you'd try that trick,
pretending to go out.
You did it back then too.
You haven't changed at all.
If I'm going to sleep now.
Will you lie next to me?
Yes, but just to sleep,
nothing else.
My brother, my best friend
and the sperm donor
of my unborn child are in there.
So, no, of course.
Alright now?
Yes, I'm fine.
-Where are the car keys?
-What are you doing?
Jana! There's no way
you're driving like this!
Wait, I forgot something...
Jana wait!
-Give me the keys!
-I'm not that drunk.
You are that drunk.
Give me the keys, Jana.
I promise not to call you
and I won't dream about you,
If you don't drive this car.
I'll drive you there.
What is this?
What the hell is this?
Oh my God.
This car is a piece of junk.
I made a bid on a closed garage on eBay.
Could have been a Porsche, too.
Not good, not good at all.
Katha changed the sign for you.
Could you stop crying for a moment
and tell me where to go?
Just for a second?
I forgot my telephone.
It says we can't go this way,
but we'll try.
But that's a farm.
This is my car and we're going that way.
I have to get there.
I'm telling you,
we'll have to turn around.
I can drive up there,
but then there's a field.
-Or you could get out of the car.
-So get out, please.
I think maybe we should have
turned right.
Oh really? Turn right?
We were right at first but now
I'm afraid we drove the wrong way.
It's pretty nice here actually.
Look, there's a nice forest.
-But this isn't right.
-Let's drive there.
-Just turn the phone around.
No, that's not right.
Some people are completely
incapable of reading maps.
I don't think this is funny anymore.
Let's just take that road
and see what happens.
No, we need to go back
and then turn right.
Katha, please stop.
Katha, wait. Wait!
Katha, please stop!
I understand
if you don't want to do it anymore.
That's not the point.
I mean...
There's no user's manual for life.
People make mistakes.
We've gotten
to know each other a little now.
Katha, you're...
You're a good person,
just the way you are.
Why do you want to do this?
-Because of the money?
-I don't know, Katha.
Yes, I want my bees.
But I also want your life be complete
by your own definition
of what complete means.
So we'll do this?
-Yes, okay?
She didn't do anything.
She really almost
didn't do anything!
Katha, wait!
Hey, Katha!
What is she doing?
Kathi always let's go
when things get tough.
But Jana likes holding on.
-Are they breaking up?
-Yes, they are.
Yes, but...
Just because of some shit like this?
-Seriously, are they breaking up?
-No. How should I know?
I didn't want this to happen.
I didn't want this.
-Don't say anything.
-Don't say anything.
-Not a thing.
Two more strokes. Come on.
-Give me your hand.
-Come on.
Your hand. Nearly there.
-Come on.
-Done it. Great.
And now... On three.
One, two, three!
Don't say anything.
Not really?
Thank God!
-Swimming is going well.
Just a little more practice.
-Tobi taught him.
-This weekend?
-Is that alcohol on your breath?
Do you have anything to drink?
No, we finished it together
with the stripper.
What do we do?
Shall we go home?
Are you coming with us?
Bathtub party? I'm so cold!
I can't... breathe.