Foil (2023) Movie Script

[whirring and buzzing]
[fire whooshing]
[wind blowing]
[western music]
[crickets chirping]
[cheerful guitar music]
[engine rumbling]
[Bonnie] Dexter. [laughs]
- Bonnie? Hi.
- Oh, my God!
Hi. Are you in town
for the reunion?
That's right. Yeah. The ten
year. Yeah. How can I miss it?
And you're still on
Hollywood? How's that going?
It's going pretty
well, actually.
We have a script in development.
Uh, fun stuff on the
horizon, you know?
Didn't I just hear that you made a
movie, like, a few years ago, right?
I was... I was looking for it.
I was like, "Where is
this movie?" And I never...
- I never saw it in the theaters or even here.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I did make
another movie. Uh,
it is currently, you know,
mixed up in distribution, and...
- Oh. I don't know what that means...
- got a little mixed up.
- But it sounds true. [laughs]
- Yeah, absolutely.
And it's totally normal.
They'll figure it out, so...
[Bonnie] I always knew that you
would do well, even in musical theater.
- Do you remember The Music Man?
- [Dexter] Yes!
Oh, you were the
cutest little Winthrop.
Don't get me started...
[lisping] Amaryllis.
- I'm starting it up. Vroom!
- Or I'll have to do the "Shipoopi."
That girl who's hard to get
And something this and
something... [mumbles]
- ...and anything but fussy
- [laughs]
- Hey, so here's your application for employment here.
- [clears throat]
Go ahead and fill that out, and
then give me your driver's license
- so I can make a copy for my record.
- Sure.
- Um, this, this is...
- The manager here, Felix.
How are you doing? You
applying for the job too?
Oh. Um...
- No.
- Just you?
- And I, I, I... Yes. [mumbles]
- Cool.
Uh, Dexter, it was really
good bumping into you.
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, see you at the reunion?
Thanks so much for coming in.
- [soft chiming]
- Okay.
So, do you play D&D?
- What now?
- Dungeons & Dragons?
The whole staff here plays it
on Mondays and on full moons.
[clears throat]
No. No, I, I don't.
And on Tuesdays, we
got Tekken Tuesdays.
I gotta warn you, we're
actually pretty serious about it.
- Uh-huh.
- A couple of weeks ago, uh, one of the controllers jammed
right at the
climax of the fight.
- Huh.
- And the dude just went crazy.
He threw the controller and
started wailing on his opponent,
blood everywhere,
on his knuckles,
- on the windows. We had to fire him.
- Jesus. What?
Christ. That's insane.
Hell of a guy, though.
- Like a really good guy.
- Uh-huh.
[Felix] Then on Wednesdays,
you know, we got film trivia.
We're the "Sassy Cassavetes."
[laughing] We were supposed
to be the "Cassette-avetes,"
- but they told me that...
- Yeah. Can I stop you?
Actually, I, I'm in
a big rush today,
so I would love it if I could
just fill out this application,
hand it into you, and
see if I got the job.
Oh, I get it.
No, I get it. You're just...
you know, here for the
job, not here for the culture.
- No.
- You know what? Get out of here, because you're done.
Good luck on your reunion.
[jazz music]
[Dexter's Mom] you have my car
one day? One day and you get a ticket?
- I mean, who does that...
- Mom! I... I couldn't see the handicapped sign, okay?
It was, like, behind, like, a
bush and you couldn't see it!
[Dexter's Mom] You are living on
my turf. You're living under my roof.
I expect you to have a little
more respect for my rules!
It's not my choice... Okay.
Thank you for the advice.
[Dexter's Mom] you,
you, you, you, and yours.
I mean, I'm tired of
it. And it's about time.
Get your butt in here. I
made you some stroganoff.
- Just get your Tallahassee out of here...
- Stroganoff?
- and come eat the stroganoff before it gets cold.
- Okay!
- In five minutes. Five more minutes...
- Get your bum outta here.
- I'm in there.
- I was the only person in the store today,
- I don't know what they're doing but they had no cashiers...
- Hey!
They had nobody
there to help me.
I mean, when was the last time
that you've even fed the gecko?
Get out of there.
Give me some help.
I'm picking up your socks.
That's all I do is
clean up after Dexter.
Dexter, Dexter, Dexter,
that's all I'm doing.
Cleaning up after Dexter...
["Just The Thing"
by Dinosaur Tooth]
[indistinct chatter]
Sometimes we remember...
[woman] Hey.
Don't I know you?
No, no. I'm, I'm a nobody.
[woman] No. No,
no, no, I, I know you.
Yo... you make movies, right?
[laughs] Yeah, yeah. I do
make movies. Have you seen...
- Do you know my work?
- Yeah. Um, what is your name again?
- It starts with a "D," right? Oh, it's, uh, um...
- Yeah.
- Dave or... uh, Darren? No! No.
- That's close. Not quite.
It's Da... Dana! Oh, my gosh!
- Dana?
- Dana Carvey. Right?
- Hmm, right.
- Oh, God, in my bar!
- Oh, my God, so amazing!
- I'm sorry.
- I'm not...
- [mimics The Church Lady] Well, isn't that special?
- [laughing]
- Right. Yeah. That's funny.
Church Lady, she's so classic!
I'm not Dana Carvey.
My name is Dexter.
Oh, okay.
Well, "Dexter," don't worry.
I won't tell anybody
that it's you.
Oh, no, no, I'm really not...
[mimics Garth Algar]
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy! [laughs]
Okay. Okay.
I'm not... I'm not him.
I'm not... I'm not him.
- Just Dexter.
- [man] Three, two, one...
- Fucking go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- What the hell?
- Rex?
- Come on. You got it, you got it.
You got it. I need this.
Whoo! And that is why
you can't drink
Rex under the table.
Alright. Y'all stay here.
I'll be right back.
Gina! [sighs] Two more pitchers.
Dana, how about you?
You want another round?
[imitates Dana] I'm
going to pump you up!
Lady, I'm not Dana
Carvey, okay? I'm serious.
I'm not him!
You're damn right you're not.
You are Dexter freaking Wiggins.
- Yes. Yes. Yes, you caught me.
- What the hell are you doing here, man?
- I'm here for the ten year, dude.
- The ten year,
- that's what I thought. You know, last night...
- Yeah.
I was watching Splash.
I was pounding Modelos,
- just like we used to.
- [laughing] Holy shit, man, that's insane.
- Yeah, remember those days?
- Wow. Hey, well, it doesn't look like a lot's changed.
Yeah, Daryl Hannah is
still, uh, still hot as ever.
No, no. I mean, the, the, the...
Oh! [chuckles] Boys from
work. Power trio over there,
throwing me a little
fiesta as we speak.
- Oh, that's cool. Did you get promoted?
- Yeah.
No, no, no, no. No, I quit.
- Oh. [chuckles]
- Tomorrow I'm splitting town.
So you're not gonna
go to the reunion?
No, no, hell no. No, I'm
going out to the desert.
A little solo camping trip, you
know, get the mind right. Sort of reset.
Hey, Rex, Joey
wants to go again.
I threw up, so I could
go t... one more time.
I gotta take care of
these bastards real quick.
- Alright? But you stay here.
- I don't know, man.
I got a lot of writing
to do this weekend.
And I can't get too
hungover, you know?
[Dexter] So you mean to tell me
that you're not even
a little bit curious
to bump into some Bakersfield
Bobcats at this reunion?
I mean, do you know who's
gonna be chaperoning this thing?
- You think?
- Yeah.
The man, the myth...
- The legend, Coach Roach!
- Coach Roach!
Yeah, dude! And he's gonna be walking
around in those squeaky GORE-TEX shoes.
- You know what I'm talking about?
- You talking about the layup?
The layup heard
around the world, man!
He walks into practice
in his GORE-TEX shoes.
- [mimics Coach] "GORE-TEX is the future, boys!"
- [Rex laughs]
He goes up for a layup.
Not just the regular layup.
- Mm-mm.
- Like the MJ in '91, up and under.
And then, bam! He just eats it!
Just shatters his femur.
- Oh, shattered. Shattered.
- [laughs]
- I can still hear that.
- He's just on his back,
and he can't get up
and he's just there.
- [mimics Coach] "The GORE-TEX."
- "The GORE-TEX."
"The GORE-TEX let me down. Oh!"
I can't believe he
kicked me off the team.
I sure can. You were a
maniac out there, man.
You had the most technical
fouls in school history.
- I was passionate.
- Dude, you didn't even start!
Every team needs a Rodman.
Rodman can rebound, so...
I will say that when you
and I were both on the floor,
- we were good.
- The Rex-Dex Superflex.
The Superflex. That pick
and roll was unstoppable.
Before Stockton and Malone,
Rex and Dex. Oh, thank you.
GORE-TEX. [laughs]
[Dexter] Mm.
Alright, level with me.
Where are you going this
weekend that's so great, huh?
Oh, it's just this little
ghost town out in the desert,
a little place called Old Dale.
What did you say?
- Old Dale.
- Old Dale?
Yeah. What, is there an
echo in here? Old Dale.
[Gina] Old Dale! [laughs]
Dude, I've been to Old Dale,
like, with my writers group.
- You went camping?
- No, we stayed at the Travelodge in town,
but we did hike in for a day to experience
this, uh, vortex that's supposedly out there.
What the hell is a vortex?
It's like an energy field
that's generated by
the land or whatever,
but it's supposed to help
with positivity and creativity
and, like, all that
good vibes stuff.
Well, did it?
[grunts] Hard to say.
What I will say is that
ten writers went in,
and all ten of us came out
with ideas we didn't have before.
So this is, this is real?
I mean, it could be.
Or it could not
be. I don't know.
I mean, I spent one day there,
so I, I'd probably need
to spend more time
to gather more data.
You know what I mean?
Well, what if you did
spend a little more time?
I mean, with me, this weekend?
Why don't you come along?
We'll gather some more data,
see if this thing
is real or not.
You got something better to do?
Yeah, I do. A ten-year reunion.
Come on, the ten
year? What, do yo...
you wanna sit in the
gym in your khakis
and catch up with Craig Schiss?
[laughing] Oh! Fuck Craig
Schiss. Ryan Wheatleaf?
Dude, no. That guy still
wants to kick your ass.
He thinks you
pissed in his gas tank.
You are the one that pissed in
the gas tank, man! It wasn't me!
And he crashed into a pole
and he learned his lesson.
- And he never messed with you again!
- No, he didn't.
Alright, look. What
did you tell me?
You gotta do
some writing, right?
Yeah. No, I do. I, I have,
I have a pitch
meeting on Monday,
and I currently
don't have a pitch.
And trying to figure
it out at my mom's
has so far proven
fully infertile.
- So, yeah, I'm a little stressed.
- Well, gosh, man, I don't know.
It sounds to me
like you might benefit
from getting out of
your mom's house.
Maybe a, a place that
the energy is a little better,
where you can breathe. I
don't know, maybe like a vortex?
[mimics Coach Roach]
"The vortex, boys."
- [laughs]
- Right. The vortex.
- Okay?
- If I don't have an idea by Monday,
I'm gonna be in deep
shit, okay? It's important.
As the great poet
Jimmy Buffett once said...
...come Monday
it'll be alright
Come Monday I'll
be holding you tight
- I spent four...
- Okay. Okay. Okay, I will go.
I'll be in your driveway 0600!
We're doing this
thing. Comprende?
- Comprende.
- [soft clinking]
[engine rumbling]
[upbeat guitar music]
[Rex] Woo-hoo! Mile
Markers for breakfast, baby!
We are out in it. Mm-hmm.
Look around, man, this is it!
Like, there's just
something so American
- about heading west, you know?
- Yeah. Yeah!
Although we are headed east.
[Rex] What are
you writing there?
I got a quick idea
I wanna get down.
- Could be something.
- Well, what is it?
No, no, no. It's, it's just
in the beginning stages
- of being something.
- Come on. Let me see it.
No! No, no, no, no, no,
no. I'm serious, I'm serious.
I told you, I have a
big meeting Monday.
- It could be make-or-break, man!
- Look, I get it.
You're a hotshot filmmaker
now. You don't have time.
Let's get this straight, okay?
I've been in Hollywood,
yes, for ten years.
And what have I done with
that time? I've made one movie.
- The Watery Hole.
- Watering Holes!
Watering Hol... it's
not about a watery hole.
It's about the hot
springs and about love.
- Hey, man, it was good.
- The movie was crap, man.
I didn't even put my name
on it, if you cared to notice.
You know what?
I brought something,
actually, come to think of it.
- I brought a little something for you. Boom!
- Oh, my God.
- [Rex] Yeah.
- How do you have that?
Man, I hate that you found that.
[Rex] "A Dusty Peter film."
[laughing] I did not see that.
- Hand that over, please. Please.
- What a...
what are we doing? Are we
writing the sequel out here?
- 'Cause I do have some ideas.
- No.
Watering Holes 2. Okay?
- "All the wells are dry."
- Give it!
- Fine.
- This goes in the vault.
Hang on to that, man. I c... that
could be worth something someday.
[upbeat guitar music]
So, uh, the vortex. What
do you think causes it?
You know, I don't know. I... it
sounds like it's probably, like,
tectonic magnetic
stuff, you know,
- like, Bermuda Triangle thing.
- [spits]
Ew. Front cup.
Did you know that there was a
UFO crash out here 60 years ago?
[Dexter] Whoa. You
got a notebook too?
All kinds of
disappearances ever since?
I'm kind of bummed
you heard that story,
because it's not true.
What if that's what's causing
this whole vortex deal?
Please don't tell me
you were going out here
for some sort of UFO
hunt, man, seriously.
Because this trip is about
inspiration and peace of mind.
What would you do if we saw one?
Saw what?
- An extraterrestrial?
- Oh, my God.
Dude, do you know what the
chances are of that happening?
Look, I'm not saying
that it, it's a UFO thing,
but I'm just saying
we could get lucky.
Okay. Okay. Look, if we got lucky
and ran into an alien in the desert,
I would shoot it, I guess.
- Well, hell, yeah. I would too.
- I mean, why not?
- Glad we're on the same page.
- Yeah.
I always say the best
defense is a good offense.
- What?
- Yeah. I got the bird shot locked and loaded here.
Bird shot?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
It's enough to ruin your
day. Not enough to kill.
No! No. I didn't mean shoot it.
- I meant shoot it with my camera.
- [spits]
Front cup.
- MiniDV.
- Mini RV?
It's really easy, man.
You just flip this open
and hit record. You
could even use it.
I don't know how
to work a mini RV.
A D... a DV, dude.
- It's cool.
- Yeah, whatever.
- [spits]
- Ugh. Front cup.
Why do you keep
saying that, "front cup"?
Uh... 'cause you keep
spitting in that cup.
I don't wanna drink from that.
Why would you drink
from my dip cup?
I, I wouldn't on
purpose. It's just we have
the same Styrofoam
cup, you know?
Alright, this is the dip
cup. This is the sip cup.
- Okay.
- It... it's not rocket science.
- Dip cup. Sip cup.
- I understand that!
But you've introduced
dip to the equation,
so I have to be vigilant!
I, I liked you better
as a smoker, man.
It was easier.
Question for you. I did
bring some mushrooms.
- Mushrooms?
- I figure we're trying to connect with the territory.
I'm not even
sure if they'll work.
No. No. Full no!
I got one for you
and one for me.
- Please. I... No. That stays in the truck!
- You, me,
- and the devil makes three, baby.
- You, me,
and the devil makes a
felony. So does the shotgun.
Those both stay in the
car. Okay? Comprende?
God. Comprende.
God damn, get on my level, man.
Get on your level, yes, sir.
"The Vortex."
[mimics Coach] "The Vortex."
Oh, my God!
You just spit in the back cup!
["Spirit Moves" by
Langhorne Slim & The Law]
- Take, take my hand
- [howls]
- And let's go where we
need to be - [indistinct chatter]
And when we get there
Release me and set me free
The spirit moves
- [groans] - The spirit
moves inside of me
- Rex, stop the car!
- Come on, come on.
Stop it right now!
You! God damn it!
- [indistinct chatter]
- The spirit moves
The spirit moves
inside of me
- The spirit moves
- Oh!
The spirit moves
inside of me
Right here.
Right here, my dude.
- [laughs] Yes.
- Whoo!
- Alright.
- Yes.
[crickets chirping]
- We're here, man. We're very close.
- [sighs]
Uh-uh! Shotgun!
What did we say? We're
gonna leave it in the car.
Let me protect us.
- You don't... J... You don't need to.
- Come on.
- I promise you, this is a peaceful place.
- You'll thank me later.
- Come on.
- This is a peaceful place. Leave it in the car. Come on.
- Come on.
- [deeply exhales]
You know it's the
right thing to do.
[softly chuckles] God.
[Rex] There's so many things
you can need a shotgun for.
I'm not just talking
I'm talking terrestrial.
Lizards, buzzards, cougars.
[Dexter] Yeah, right, man.
There aren't any cougars out here.
And there aren't
any aliens either.
You don't know what I've experienced,
man. Close encounters change you,
- fundamentally.
-"Fundamentally." I cannot believe
you are still on this close
encounter story, man.
We all know nothing happened.
- Yeah? Nothing happened, huh?
- Yeah.
- Okay. How do you explain this?
- Oh. Yeah.
- The scar? Oh...
- How do you explain it?
- You can't do it.
- We know you got your appendix out, man.
We, we debunked this years ago.
- You didn't debunk shit. Okay?
- [chuckles]
- No...
- The appendix is a different scar.
You were really going out here
for a UFO hunt, weren't you?
You don't know, man.
And you don't know
because you weren't there.
I was there, man. I
was with you that night.
No, you wer... you were
with me until you guys split
and ran away when
the light showed up.
Right? And then
you were blacked out
and went off after the
lights, which turned out to be
- a park ranger telling us to put out our fire.
- No. It's not a park ranger.
- Yeah, it was.
- It was not a park ranger!
You got back like a day later,
like you've been off on some
bender. You're all haggard
and looking all
wide-eyed and shit.
I went in, while you
guys scrambled out.
- I went in, and I saw it, and I touched it.
- Uh-huh.
You've been watching
too much X-Files, man.
Yeah. Yeah. And
you're my Scully.
- You know what? You're worse than Scully.
- Yeah, I'm the rational one.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. At least... at least Scully's hot.
I'm hot!
Not to mention
she's an actual doctor
with scientific chops.
- Who are you? A porno director?
- [whistling X-Files theme]
[lively music]
[Dexter] Okay. [grunts]
[grunts loudly]
Alright, man.
- That's it.
- That's the vortex, huh?
That's the spot, yeah. That's
right where we sat last time,
supposedly the epicenter.
- Epicenter, huh?
- [Dexter] You ready for this?
- [exhales] Ready as I'll ever be.
- 'Cause I'm telling you,
it's supposed to, like,
elevate your mood when it hits,
so I wanna make sure
your head's the right spot.
Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Reset.
- Ready. Let's do this.
- Let's do it!
[crickets chirping]
[birds cawing and chirping]
[deeply exhales]
You feel anything?
I don't know. You?
You sure this is the spot?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is it, man.
I think the effects are
just a little more gradual
than you're expecting,
but this is the vortex,
- alright?
- No, man, this ain't it.
Drink it in.
- This ain't it.
- What are you talking about?
- [Rex sighs]
- This is it. What d...
[light ethereal music]
[Dexter] What are you doing?
I think...
[music increases]
I think we gotta go this way.
Whoa. Whoa. No, no, no.
- Like, t... this is the spot, man.
- No, no, no. No, no, no.
- We gotta go this way.
- This is the spot where, like,
I came up with all my ideas.
All your ideas? Yeah.
And how, how'd they turn out?
[scoffs and stutters]
Listen, I need you to
trust me on this, alright?
I can feel it in my gut.
I'm being pulled this way.
- Into the brush? It's like a rock wall over there.
- Look, look, look.
We can stay here, right?
But you've been here before.
You know where that
leads. Do you wanna do that?
Or you wanna see if there's
something more out there?
[upbeat country music]
Did you take those shrooms, man?
[Dexter] Okay. Can you at least take
the camera? I can't climb up with it.
Give me. [grunts]
- Give me your hand.
- [sighs and grunts]
- there, past the second cactus.
- Over there?
- One, two.
- Oh, dude!
- Right...
- [yells]
[whispers] Jesus! [grunts]
Damn it.
[deeply exhales]
[Rex] I think this is it.
What do you think?
[birds chirping]
I knew we'd get lucky.
[wind blowing]
You think this is the spot?
- Yeah.
- [whispers] Okay. Alright, man.
You feel it?
- [Dexter] Yeah. I feel it.
- Yeah, you do.
- I feel it. It's cool.
- Yeah, you do. You feel it.
[Dexter] It's cool.
Okay. Alright.
- Alright. Do we set up camp?
- Set up camp.
Okay, let's go.
[ominous music]
[compass whirring]
[crickets chirping]
[blows raspberries]
- Alright, man. Let's get this fire lit, huh?
- [grunts]
[exhales] Oh, yeah.
- [chuckling]
- [blade ringing]
Hey. Whoa.
What's, uh, what's
with the knife?
It's a hunting... it's
a, it's a camping knife.
Keep it on me at all times.
You keep this massive knife
strapped to your
leg at all times?
Yeah, I, I didn't even
think to mention it.
It's just helpful to have
when you're out here.
- Okay.
- Check it out.
- What are you doing? Oh, shit!
- [fire whooshes]
What did I tell you? [laughs]
- Look at that.
- Okay. Righ...
Good for you and
your caveman blade.
what are we up to tonight?
Because I heard if we
look to the north skies,
- we might see some serious shit.
- Actually, dude.
Do you think it'd be cool if on
night one we did sort of like a,
like a silent retreat
kind of thing?
- Silent treatment?
- No, no, no, like a r...
a silent retreat where, like,
you know, it just gives
me a second to, like,
focus on my thoughts, you
know, like, put pen to paper.
You wanna play the quiet game.
What am I, your 5-year-old son?
That's not... Just
give me one night.
[sighs] Alright,
my lips are sealed.
Okay. Dude, thank you.
Alright, silence begins...
- now.
- Silencio. Godspeed.
- Thanks, man. [chuckles]
- Got it. [sighs]
[birds chirping]
[suspenseful western music]
[fire crackling]
[wind blowing]
[can opens]
[deeply exhales]
[owl hooting]
[low growl]
- What was that? Was that a cougar?
- No. [shushes]
Hey, neighbors! [laughs]
- [Dexter sigh]
- I'm Tom.
- Hey, Tom. I'm Rex.
- Hey.
- Rex, how are you?
- This is Dex.
- [Tom] Dex. Oh, yeah.
- Dexter, yeah.
[Tom] So we got Dex
and Rex. [chuckles]
[deeply exhales]
Special place, huh?
- Yeah.
- [Tom] I mean, it is a magical place.
It's, it's the vortex, right?
- [mumbles] - [Tom sighing]
Oh! Oh, you're telling me?
You should've seen my
limp before the vortex.
Doctor said I had to
have surgery on this hip
and hernias and
arthritis... all gone.
Land of miracles,
huh? Well, that's cool.
Thanks, Tom, for coming by
tonight, introducing yourself.
- [Tom] Yeah.
- Uh, you know, we just got here, so we're getting our bearings.
Oh, bearings? [chuckling] Oh, I
got you covered with bearings.
- Oh, I can tell you the rails...
- Okay.
And the trails and the views
and the do's and the don'ts.
That's cool. Yeah, maybe...
yeah, maybe tomorrow or,
you know, once we're
a little more settled in.
You know, sometimes I
come out of here and...
I realize that some places
people have never walked on.
Do you know that 65% of
the Earth is undiscovered?
Some people, they just, they don't
even know what they're looking at.
I mean, just look up,
look at those stars.
See these stars? Now we're
looking at the, the rocks and the,
and the sand and... I
mean, what's inside of you?
What's inside of you?
What's inside of me?
Wha... what is all that?
It's the same atoms.
They've all been here since
the Big Bang. It's all the same.
In the end, I mean,
we're all just stardust.
When you think about it.
[Rex] I'm thinking about what
you're sipping on right there.
- I'm curious. What do you got?
- [chuckles]
If I said it was aged ten years, would,
uh, would that mean anything to you?
- [Rex] Whoo.
- [Tom laughing]
- Hey.
- Oh, no. Ten years is better than beers.
- Right? Good.
- Alright. You gonna try it?
[Rex] Quality
check. Quality check.
- Whew! Whew!
- Whew.
Oh, that's good.
Dex, you gotta try this.
- No. That's alright, no.
- Little nip. Come on.
- Give it back to the man. Give it back to the man...
- [Tom] You sure?
- Actually, Tom. Tom, right?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Wh... why don't you, uh... Why don't you have a seat?
- Take my rock. Yeah, let's talk more about this stuff.
- Oh, thanks!
- Saddle up, partner!
- Alright.
That's my... O... Okay. Sure.
- [Tom loudly sighs]
- [loudly sighs]
[Tom] Now here's
my theory, alright?
[suspenseful western music]
"And that is why," he says, "you
should never use skunk scat as a battery!"
[Tom] Trust a local on that one.
You know, I've been thinking
about what you said, about...
how we're all just starburst.
And, you know, it got me
to thinking that, you know,
me and Dex, we don't
know how the vortex works.
We don't know what causes it,
'cause... I mean, hell, we just got here.
You know, but a local like you, a guy who
lives it? I figure you have some answers.
Yeah, I bet he does, but it's
just it's getting so late, you know?
Tom, I... [chuckles]
we've had fun tonight, but,
uh, you know, we, we, we
came out here with some, uh,
specific intentions
in mind for this vortex,
and, uh, I hate to sound terse,
but, but, but your being here
is kind of directly keeping us
from focusing on those
things so if we can try and...
- Okay. Okay. Hang on. Slow down. Slow down.
- What?
What's all this "we" talk? I mean,
y... the silent treatment was your idea.
- Retreat.
- So... [sighs] Dexter,
you don't have any
questions about the vortex?
Uh, yeah, I got one. Um, are you
spending the night with us tonight
or are you gonna go back
to your, uh, to your space?
Okay, here's a question.
Shoot me straight.
- [sighs] - Do you know
how this vortex works?
Yeah. I believe I do.
- It's paranormal, right?
- Oh, Rex, don't encourage him.
Well, as a matter of fact...
- Oh. Oy vei.
- Whoa.
- What is it?
- Rex, it's a piece of foil.
This is not just
a piece of foil.
- This is from a crash site.
- Yeah, yeah, the UFO crash site
60 years ago. I,
I researched this.
I read about it
on, on the Internet.
- Dex, are you seeing this?
- [Dexter] So what are you saying, Tom?
You're trying to say that that foil
is the cause of this entire vortex?
I'm saying that this
foil possesses a power
that you nor I could
ever hope to understand.
This is a living thing, and
there's more of it out there.
Okay, Obi Wan. So, so
you're UFO treasure hunter.
Dex, pay attention to this, man.
This is the inspiration
you're looking for.
Okay. Alright, Tom, humor me.
What about this foil makes it
different from any other piece of foil?
I mean, how do we know that didn't
come off your sandwich this afternoon?
How do we know that it's of
any significance whatsoever?
You know what? You're right.
Nothing special.
Oh, look at that.
[ominous music]
Okay. Alright. I will admit
that that looked kind of cool.
[Rex] It's memory foil. Tha...
that's the stuff from Roswell.
- That's before Roswell.
- For all we know,
this could be heat
activated by the fire.
- Can, can I hold it? Can I see it closer?
- Oh, no, no, no, n...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Too valuable.
Now, if you wanna
talk more or see more,
you know where to find me.
So long, neighbors.
Oh, my God.
Oh, he left his,
he left his flask.
- [Dexter] Unbelievable.
- There's some good stuff in here.
Man, what the fuck
was that all about?
[chuckles] I don't know.
That was amazing, though.
I'm talking about you, man.
Y... you went against everything
we talked about for tonight.
Okay, even if we never
see that guy again,
wasn't that way more interesting
than sitting next to
each other in silence?
That guy was a bona fide
charlatan preying on what to him
looked like two bozos looking to get strung
along on some bullshit adventure, man.
- Yeah, but the foil, you saw the foil.
- The foil,
the foil doesn't
prove anything, dude.
Think about it, man. If
that foil is what he says it is,
then why isn't it in a museum?
Why isn't he a
millionaire right now
with this great discovery?
It's because he's a
fucking snake oil salesman,
and he camps out here looking for
campers like us coming to this vortex,
'cause he knows we might
be into this kind of shit.
It's... honestly, it's an incredible
setup when you think about it.
When I think about it, I
think you're just too scared
to recognize an
opportunity like that.
I mean, that thing just
literally fell into our laps,
and you just wanna write it off?
We're not even on the
same page anymore.
[scoffs] We're not reading
the same book even.
- [grunts]
- You know, speaking of books...
- Dude! Dude! What the fuck?
- let's see what kind of... let's see...
- Fuck you, man! No!
- let's see what kind of brilliant ideas...
- Give me that fucking thing.
- Let's see what kind of brilliant ideas
- you're working on here.
- Dude, please don't.
That's intellectual property.
- That is my shit.
- Ooh! Lot of blank pages here.
- 'Cause I just fucking started.
- [scoffs]
I got shit cooking!
[Rex] You know
what, why am I here?
Why did you wanna
come on this trip with me?
So I could sit next
to you in silence
while you try to come
up with a movie pitch?
- What the hell is that?
- Just give it back, man.
No, no, no. I thought we could
start right where we left off.
But now that we're out here,
it's clear that you just want me
to step aside so
you can live in your,
in your fantasy world
in your notebook,
your blank notebook.
[fire crackling]
I mean, wake up, man!
You have made one
film in the past decade,
and it's a goddamn porno.
You know, when I saw you
back in Bakersfield, I was thrilled.
I was thrilled 'cause
I thought maybe,
maybe you were ready to
move on from Hollywood.
- You think I should move on?
- Yeah.
You're the one that's been
working oil rigs on and off
since you dropped
out of high school, man.
- You think that's moving on?
- Yeah.
That's honest work, okay?
I'm actually doing something.
From where I stand, man,
it feels like you're the one
that lives in a fantasy
world in your notebook
where you have old men
coming in with scraps of foil
and UFO stories whisking you off
on a white pony
of fucking answers
about your questions,
leaving me here
to deal with my real world shit.
I guess you... you
don't believe my story?
[sighs] No. I don't
believe your story.
And honestly, it makes me feel like sometimes
I can't trust you with anything at all.
Much less my movie ideas.
[wind blowing]
I'm sorry. That's not
entirely what I mean.
You know what? You're
right. That guy, he's probably...
Yeah, that guy's
probably full of shit.
- Dude, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't...
- No. No, no. No.
I'm sorry.
- Alright? I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, man.
No, shut up. I'm sorry.
- Fine. You be sorry.
- Alright? I'm sorry I commandeered the evening.
- [chuckling] Okay, man.
- I commandeered it. I got a little excited there.
- Yeah, you did.
- And look, if you wanna spend tomorrow com...
committed to your ideas, God knows
you need to get some pen to paper here.
I respect that. Alright? I do.
Wow. Okay.
You hear that?
That's me apologizing.
- [laughs] Yeah. I'm shocked. I'm shocked.
- Yeah.
I want you to savor it.
Soak it in. In fact,
let's drink to it.
- [blows raspberries] - Let's
take one big rip right now.
Alright, man.
'Cause tomorrow
we're gonna be silent.
Just like two monks
on a monk farm.
- Alright?
- [softly] Yeah.
Alright, man.
- [deeply exhales] Get yourself one.
- Mm.
Yeah, that's the good stuff.
Ooh, wow.
That's a belly
burner. [grunting]
Hey, tomorrow's a new day.
- Alright?
- Okay.
- New day, new dawn, huh?
- Yep.
- Comprende?
- Comprende.
What are you doing?
What... what?
You can't leave the
campfire unattended.
- Okay? Rule number one.
- Oh.
That's... that's rule one. Okay.
- Alright, so we, we pee on it?
- Kick it.
- Kick it. Go.
- Oh, you kick it. You kick it. Okay, great.
[wind blowing]
[Rex] So it's like, "Alright,
Coach, show us what you can do.
Make a move." We
pass him the rock.
He goes up for a layup,
but not just a regular layup.
He goes for the MJ '91 Finals,
- up and under and then bam!
- [Tom laughs]
He just eats it, just lands flat
on his ass, shatters his femur.
- They almost had to amputate the leg, the poor bastard.
- [Tom laughs]
They didn't, but it was close.
- It was a little dicey there for a while.
- Morning, you two.
Oh, morning, sneaky man.
Rex, uh, what did
we say last night?
Well, hey, I just thought I
would come back for my flask,
and, uh, bring along
some coffee and greetings.
Yeah, we were just talking. We
thought maybe Tom borrows me
for a little while this morning
while you're waking up.
- Borrows you?
- Yeah. I mean, he's just real confident
that there's some more
foil scraps in the area,
- an... Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. W...
You, you should see the
readings I've been getting
on my metal detector.
Dex, look, we'll be
back soon, comprende?
Nope. It's fine.
Have fun.
[whispers] I'm sorry.
[deeply sighs]
[birds chirping]
Listen, Dex,
I know what we talked
about last night, alright?
But if we find something out
there, I think you're gonna be the one
apologizing to me
for doubting this stuff,
all this stuff.
I mean, this could
change our lives, man.
I'm not gonna pass that up.
You're not gonna find
anything out there, man.
It's a fool's errand.
[chuckles] You know, I
just realized something.
I drove you out here.
I set up your camp.
I lit your fire.
You don't need me.
You just wanna work
on your pitch, right?
Can't trust me with your
ideas? Think I'm some big liar?
Fine. Why don't you
just go sit over there,
close your eyes and
pretend I'm next to you?
And I'll see you later.
See you later, dude.
Let's go.
[sighing] Oh, man. So you really think
there's some foil scraps around here?
[Tom] Oh, yeah. There's a ton.
[light melancholic music]
[Rex] Wow. Nice-looking trailer.
- [laughs]
- She's all I need.
Why don't you have a seat?
Get comfy. I'm
gonna get some gear.
Now, you said you
were getting gear.
Hmm. Did I say "gear"?
- I meant beer.
- Okay.
[chuckling] Alright, you devil.
Hey, it's five
o'clock somewhere.
Okay, look, one beer, and
then we go start digging, right?
- Absolutely.
- Okay, I'll drink to that.
- Salud.
- Salud.
[wind blowing]
[western music]
[wind whooshing]
[softly] Why...
won't... you... light?
Oh, my God.
He wouldn't.
[sniffs, shouts and coughs]
[sighs] Oh, Jesus Christ.
[laughs] Oh, my God.
Daryl fucking Hannah.
Where's the flint?
[upbeat guitar music]
[Rex] Man, there's nothing
like a quality cerveza.
I was afraid you were gonna have
some kind of Belgian banana bullshit.
I hate bananas.
- [Tom] I like you, Tex.
- Rex.
[Tom] Yeah. You ought
to be proud of yourself.
You made a
commitment for the work.
Looking for the truth,
asking questions, trying to find
answers. Most people don't do that.
Most people are just
sleepwalkers in a strange land.
Most people aren't
even where they are.
Like, take your friend
there, Mr. Wet Blanket.
He's trapped. Trapped up here.
Dexter, he'll be fine.
[Dexter shouts]
Where the fuck is it?
Where the fuck is the
fucking flint, God damn it!
[coughs and spits]
[whispers] You fucking asshole.
- [low growl]
- Cougar?
- Is there a cougar?
- [man] No, human.
Just a human.
- Hi. [grunts]
- You okay?
[grunting] Oh, God.
Yeah. No, I'm good. Um...
How long have you
been standing there?
There's a climbing
spot over there.
I was gonna go climb it.
Oh, cool.
You alright?
Yeah, man, I'm, I'm fine.
I'm just trying to light my fire
but I can't find the, you know...
- Flint!
- Yeah.
- I got you covered.
- Cool.
Whoa. Hey, man, that's a
pretty nice camping knife.
- My buddy's got one like that.
- Actually, it's a hunting knife.
I knew those were for hunt...
Wha... What do you hunt with that?
- Name it.
- [fire whooshes]
Whoa. God, that...
That's awesome, man.
Thank you. Thank you.
The name's Rambo.
Cool, dude. My name's Dexter.
- [groans] - If you don't mind me
asking, what that tent do to you?
Oh, it's just this boneheaded
guy that I came out here with.
Kind of ditched me, actually.
He went running
off with this old man
looking for, like, UFO scraps
or some nonsense, I don't know.
I guess he thought
that sounded more fun
than hanging out with me.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.
Well, um, glad I could help.
I hope it works out
with your, uh, your pal.
Me, too, man. I just don't
think it will, you know.
Because... [scoffs] we had
this whole plan for the weekend,
and he just went completely
rogue on it, you know?
It's like, he's always gotta do stuff
his way, you know what I mean?
He's never checking
in on where I'm at.
Like, he doesn't know
I got evicted, for one.
[scoffs] Or that
they repo'd my car,
or that I don't have
a job at the moment,
and I'm living at my mom's.
He's just not the boss.
Do you know what I mean?
[rock music]
Dexter? He's just not
the boss of me, you know?
Like, he just wants
to do things his way
without even thinking about where
I'm at. You know what I mean?
If you hadn't come along,
I'd probably still be over there
sitting in silence, meditating.
How am I supposed to catch up with
a buddy who won't even talk to me?
I mean, you know he wanted
to do a silent treatment?
- Silent retreat?
- Who is he to say how I spend my time out here?
- You know, I'm a grown-ass man.
- Indeed you are.
So if I wanna drink,
that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna drink. I wanna
investigate a potential UFO crash,
well, God damn it,
that's what I'm gonna do.
You know, the thing I
think about your friend there,
Mr. Wet Blanket, he's just...
- he's uncomfortable with discomfort.
- Yes.
I mean, we're comfortable, but
we're also comfortable with discomfort.
[music continues]
- Oh, out of beer.
- Out of beer?
Okay, now I'm uncomfortable.
I have something
else. One moment.
Oh, woo-hoo.
I have this
notebook here, right?
And I'm using it in part,
to write down these ideas
for a big meeting next week.
But that's not
all that I'm doing.
- Huh?
- Mm.
See, I need to
move in somewhere,
and... [chuckles] my options right
now are either living at my mom's.
- Oh, gross.
- Mm-mm, yeah.
Or I ask Rex if I can
move in with him.
Rex, uh, the runaway?
Right. Yeah. The guy
whose tent that is, yeah.
And, and, and honestly,
it's, it's a toughie.
Uh... [chuckles] 'cause I'm listing
out all the pros and cons here.
And I just... I can't
find an answer.
Uh, I don't know. Like,
what... what do you think?
[fire crackling]
[coffee boiling]
Uh... it looks like
the coffee's ready.
Oh, yes, absolutely.
But, you know, like, when I
think about it moving in with Rex
would be, like, Midnight
Run or something,
where he's just this outlaw
type who doesn't listen to me.
And the longer we're together,
the more we're doing stuff his way...
[chuckling] which makes me go
crazy. Although, when you think about it,
he's definitely much more of a
De Niro and I'm more of a Grodin,
- so that would put me in the outlaw thing.
- Wait a minute.
Wha... what if Cameron
moved in with Ferris Bueller?
Wait a minute. Are
you a movie guy?
Yes, I'm a movie guy.
I'm a filmmaker, dude.
Oh, my God. You don't know
how long I've been waiting
to talk to somebody new
about movies. This is incredible.
- I'm actually a little bit of a...
- Seriously?
I'm in a film study club myself.
Well, okay, sir. Why
don't you let her rip?
- Okay, uh, top three favorite sci-fis, go.
- Ooh.
- [sighs] - So the foil, who
else should be told about it?
- Who knows about this?
- Oh, I haven't told that many people.
But you've told some people?
Aren't you worried they're
gonna say something about it?
No, no, I'm pretty
confident they won't.
Yeah, I mean, people don't really believe
that stuff when you tell them anyway.
At least in my experience.
You've had an experience?
Spring break, '86.
Me and the basketball team, five of
us, Dexter included, went out camping.
Last night of the trip,
it's getting pretty late.
We see these
lights in the woods.
So the other guys,
they scramble.
They figure park ranger
coming in to bust us
for drinking or whatever.
But I figure I'll go in.
Let me talk to this guy.
So I go in to check it
out. And pretty soon,
as I get closer, I realize
this is not a park ranger.
- [Tom] And it's not a truck.
- Not a truck.
It was a cylinder.
Pretty good size, maybe not
much bigger than your trailer here.
But what was weird was
it didn't have any doors.
It didn't have any
markings on it.
It didn't have any exhaust.
It didn't make any
noise. It was dead silent.
When I touched it,
the whole thing lit up and
it whips 20 feet in the air
and this blue light just... [mimics
explosion] shoots right down on top of me
and it was like
time just stopped.
But, you know, in that
moment, I didn't feel any fear.
I felt, like, totally at peace.
[light dramatic music]
I, I can't explain it,
but I felt like I was...
communicating with someone.
Somehow I, I understood
them and I knew...
I knew that they understood me.
And then it was gone.
When I got back to
camp, everybody had left.
But what I didn't
know at the time...
was that 24 hours had passed.
I felt like I was
gone 15 minutes.
It was the next night.
Well, they didn't believe me.
They still don't.
Dexter doesn't.
They just thought I got
drunk and lost or whatever.
That's that.
I appreciate you
telling me that.
Sounds like you got off
easy, though, you know?
Some people, some people,
they have scars to show.
- What did you say?
- Like, in their side, they, they have scars.
Does that look like
a park ranger to you?
Y... you can't have Tremors
on your sci-fi list, man.
That's crazy. That's strictly
a monster movie entry.
- Where in that movie is there a lick of science?
- [mumbles]
- The worms are aliens.
- No, no, no.
- They never say that they're aliens. In fact...
- Yeah!
I would pitch that they're
hyper-evolved terrestrial beings!
The main actress girl, she's studying
seismotology at the time, in the town.
- That's science. No. No, not Reba.
- Reba? Reba?
- The young, nerdy, uh, the lo... the love interest one...
- Oh!
- Yes. Okay. Yes, yes.
- remember her? Remember? That's science.
But, but the whol... all of that
could be removed from the movie
- and it could still stand.
- No, well, uh... [sighs] I mean, well,
it rounds out my top three.
So you gotta take it or leave it.
- Alright, fair enough, man.
- Fucking great movie.
Actually, you know, the one idea
that I have kind of gotten down so far
that might be something I would
say is pretty Tremors adjacent.
- Mm. What have you got?
- [chuckles] Why don't you take a look at that?
Take a look. Let me
know what you think.
And just give it to
me straight, alright?
- "Big bugs"? That's all it says.
- Yeah.
Right. Need to say more?
There's a lot of big bug movies.
But none as simple as this.
So it's a movie about big bugs.
- And are they fighting off people or...
- No. No fighting,
no bad guys, no monsters.
We are among the bugs.
They're big to us on the screen.
We're in the field
in that community,
you know, like, uh, like, Honey, I
Shrunk the Kids without the kids.
[blows raspberries]
I'm not gonna lie to you.
I mean, this idea is just...
This is the best fucking idea
I've ever heard of in my life!
- [shouts] What? Yes!
- Big bugs? This is perfect.
- Big bugs! Oh, my God.
- Big bugs! Big bugs.
I like big bugs
and I cannot lie
Oh, shit. That's your title.
- Oh, my God, it is. Holy crap.
- That is your title. Yes.
- 'Cause what I like to do is come up with the title first...
- Yeah.
The marquee, and then figure
out, like, how can this be a movie?
- Right? That's how you sell a movie.
- That's genius.
- You... [cross-talk] Okay.
- A... and this one will sell. This will sell.
This is incredible. 'Cause
I have a meeting Monday,
this pitch meeting, and I...
I... should I lead with this?
Oh, yeah, you gotta
lead with it, it will kill.
God, that's such great
news, man, that's a load off.
Except, uh, sorry, I don't think you'll be
able to make your meeting Monday, though.
- What?
- Your meeting Monday. You're not gonna make it.
[groans and shouts]
What the hell?
- [yells]
- Look, it's not your fault.
- [yells] Get back! [grunts]
- I like you. You're a nice guy.
- [Rambo yells]
- Oh, God! Hot!
- [yells and cries]
- God, my knife!
Damn it, I wanted to
do this the easy way, kid.
But I guess we'll
have to go to plan B.
- [whimpers]
- Oh, your Bronco keys.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
- Is that our...
Shotgun! Yippee
ki-yay, motherfucker.
- Die Hard?
- [shushes] This will all be over soon.
No! No! No, it won't! Killer!
- Or you can do that.
- There's a killer!
Another runner.
- See you in a bit, kid.
- [yells]
[ominous music]
[soft splattering]
[Dexter yells] Rex?
Where the hell am I?
He's got a gun, hello?
Why is it snowing?
God damn it, Rex!
I hate this fucking vortex!
[grunts] God!
So Dexter doesn't exactly
know why I came out here.
[birds chirping]
To drink fine bourbon
with the locals, obviously.
Yeah, sure. Yeah, to drink...
it is, it is good bourbon.
But I mean, like, this
spot, like, this exact spot.
Old Dale?
When I touched the craft...
I got these numbers in my head.
These, like, numbers.
- Numbers?
- Just like burned into my head.
Memorized them, wrote 'em out.
And for the longest time, I
didn't know what they meant.
So I went to the
library. I said, "Alright,
you're gonna do some research."
So I studied codes,
ciphers, puzzles,
crosswords, ciphers,
the Zodiac letter,
trying to understand...
these ones and zeros.
[light suspenseful music]
[Tom] Binary code.
[Rex] Yeah, you know it.
- Let me show you something.
- [chuckles]
Oh, no, no. Hang on.
Hang on. Stay right there.
This is messy in here. Hang on.
Binary codes correspond...
directly to...
Yeah, latitude and
longitude. Yeah. Yeah!
And once I figured that
out, I knew it was leading me
- right to...
- this exact location geographically!
Oh, my God, it's
true. That's crazy.
Not as crazy as you might think.
You're meant to be here.
There's something
very special inside you.
Thanks, man. That means a lot.
No, literally...
there's something
inside you, the scar.
- What?
- [chuckles]
You remember that piece of
foil that I showed you earlier?
Well, you have one inside you.
What are you talking about?
How do you think I got mine?
Holy shit. You have one too?
Except I took mine
out. I extracted it.
You took it out?
I have the tools
to do yours too.
We could do it this afternoon.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I, I'm not drunk enough
for you to do some kind
of a half-ass surgery.
Did you just make
that up about the crash?
Crash is as real as that bourbon
that you're sipping on right now.
[ethereal music]
That vortex,
it's like a big homing
beacon or something.
You and I are not the only implanted
folks that have been drawn to this site.
[Rex] There's others?
[Tom] Many others.
[yells] Hello?
You know, Rex,
most people...
they don't have the courage
or the gumption to
face their trauma.
But not you.
You're different.
What we know about this
foil is that the closer we are
to the coordinates, the
more active it becomes.
Now, remember last
night at the campsite?
Look at it now.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa. Don't touch it.
Don't touch it, just
watch it. Watch.
[soft ringing]
You can feel it
right now, can't you?
- Yeah, I feel it.
- From the moment
that it's been implanted in you,
it's been adding
all kinds of stuff,
stuff that you don't want.
hurt, depression...
- [soft pouring]
- drinking.
- You got this weird friend...
- [yells]
that talks shit about you and...
what's all that about?
Do you feel it?
I feel it.
You know what I feel?
I feel like I'm
looking at myself.
I was like you.
An impositional
personality, a sleepwalker.
I didn't know who I was.
And then I extracted.
And then I...
began to see things
clearly. All those feelings,
they just melted away.
I became...
Whatever this foil is,
we weren't meant to take it on.
Not by ourselves.
It's too heavy.
It's too much weight.
This foil is holding
you back, Rex.
[ethereal music continues]
[soft pouring]
do you believe I can help you?
Are you ready to
let me help you?
I t... I told you, I'm not drunk enough
for you to go digging around for it.
Well, come on. Let's keep drinking,
then. We gotta get you there.
I'll tell you what.
We'll do a little
trial run first, alright?
Let's at least run some tests,
just to make sure you're ready.
[chuckles] Okay.
Alright then.
[dramatic western music]
[yelling] Hello!
[echoing shouting and mumbling]
[groans and sighs]
[groaning and whimpering]
[fire crackling]
You done?
[shouting] What
the fuck is going on?
[birds chirping]
[wind blowing]
So, uh, are you, like,
gonna kill me now or...
So, Tremors. I... I really think
you need to take another look at it.
[shouts] Really? Fucking really?
You s... you wanna talk
more about Tremors?
Yes, I was making valid points.
What do you wanna do? Go
back to whining about your friend?
Big bugs?
I mean... [sighs] there's
not a lot here, man.
It's just killer bats,
big bugs, big waves.
Everything is fucking "big"
and "killer" with you, huh?
There's some
good stuff in there.
You want my advice?
- Dude!
- Fuck that. Fuck big bugs.
You know, if you
weren't dying today,
I'd say go out and
make something
that you actually
fucking care about,
not something you
think you could sell.
Why the fuck can't I run away
from this campsite,
huh? Did you drug me?
You drugged me, didn't you? You
put something in my coff... Okay.
Okay. Hey. Hey, hey. Look, look.
Wha... what do you
want? D... do you want,
you want my keys? You want
my wallet? You can have them.
You don't have
anything to offer me.
Let me t... You don't have one shell
of a good idea in your fucking head.
N... not one original
thought. Which is a shame,
'cause I thought you had
something, but you don't.
Okay, well, well, maybe we
could write something together.
You know, just sit down, talk, help
me out, uh... we, we could collaborate!
I'm afraid not, man. Once the old
man says you're gone, you're gone.
- Old man?
- You know, you blame all your failures
on your friend, on
your car, your eviction.
- Shut up.
- It's never your fault, is it?
- Shut up.
- No, you shut up!
You know, I'm fucking
sick of people like you,
calling yourself an artist,
when you're just a fucking hack.
- You should jump off that cliff.
- [shouts] Fuck you!
[dramatic music]
Damn it, Rambo. You
really need to tie better knots.
Valiant effort, kid.
I'll make it quick.
Oh, God.
- Just do it, man.
- Happy to oblige.
[shotgun cocks]
[music increases]
What the...
[ethereal chiming]
Watering Holes? How do you
know about Watering Holes?
How do you know
about Watering Holes?
There's no way you
know about this movie.
[Dexter] I wrote
and directed it, okay?
- Bullshit, the director is...
- Dusty Peter!
- Yeah, that's me!
- But you said your name was Dexter.
Yes, but I use Dusty as a
pseudonym for projects of ill repute.
What about the DP?
There weren't any DP
scenes in Watering Holes.
No, the director of photography
of Watering Holes. Who is it?
Oh, oh, th... Harry
Rod, also a pseudonym.
Uh, Amber Clam,
Dick Nob and, and
me, Dusty Peter.
Last line of the film.
Is this really necessary?
Last line!
"Well, the holes,
they are watered,
but now we've made landfall."
[both] "I guess the
desert's not so dry after all."
Oh, my God. You did make
Watering Holes! This is amazing.
- Let me help you. Yeah, let's get you up.
- [groans]
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- [sighs]
You have no idea how
much that movie means to me.
- I've seen it a hundred, thousands of times, man.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh, well, I guess I'm just glad to meet someone
- that finally gets it.
- Yeah! Man!
Th... Jesus. I'm so sorry
if I hurt you. You okay?
Let's, let... let's get you cozy. Let's
have you sit down and have a seat.
That sounds nice.
- Take my rock. Take my rock.
- [Dexter] Okay.
Okay. Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, man, I... I've had
a bad day, you know.
I... I mean, you tried
to kill me, uh, twice,
and then it was, like, snowing,
and then it wasn't snowing, and,
and then I, I just... Maybe you could
just tell me what's going on, you know?
[grunts] Dude!
Come on! Answer the question.
It's about your
friend, the cowboy,
the one with the
scar on his side.
He, he had his appendix out.
How do you know about that?
Well, he's got a piece of
foil in him and Tom wants it.
- Okay. Tom? Oh, Tom!
- Here.
- Yeah.
- From last... [grunting] I'm not hungry, man"
- Oh, okay. I... You need your strength!
- Tom from last night?
Is that what you're
talking about?
- That foil?
- Yeah.
- You just sit down and you tell me what's going on.
- [sighs]
What does this mean? That, that
you'r... you're Tom's muscle or something?
Okay, here's the deal. Every once
in a while, somebody comes along
with a piece of foil inside of
them, and Tom can sense it.
Then he lures
them to the trailer.
That's when it's my job
to neutralize the threat
of anybody that's
not the target.
- Me.
- So then Tom goes to work on them.
- Goes to work?
- [Rambo] Yeah, like right now,
he's probably
delivering some speech
about the high
powers of the universe,
brainwashing him
while he drinks him blind.
And pretty soon, your buddy
Rex will be so hammered
that the idea of Tom
operating on him
won't be such a
bad idea after all.
So we need to go before
he drinks him under the table.
[whimsical music]
Actually, man, if that's
really what's happening,
- I think we got some time.
- Well, how do you mean?
Well, in all the years I've
known him, I've learned one thing.
You can't drink
Rex under the table.
Are you ready to, uh,
become the captain
of your own ship?
- Yeah.
- Alright. [laughs]
- You got a flashlight?
- No.
- You got water?
- Uh, I got this jug.
- One jug for the whole weekend?
- Wh... hold on, man.
Why should I believe a single thing
that you've said to me so far, huh?
Uh, old magical men
with, with implants of foil?
I mean, a second ago,
you were just gonna kill me!
How do I know you're
not some crazy tourist
on a bad mushroom
trip or something?
And if any of this is real,
why aren't we off calling
the police right now?
Have you checked
your watch lately?
No, I don't have a watch.
- What about a radio?
- No.
- Walkie-talkie?
- Uh, no!
Jesus, kid, what kind
of camper are you?
- What about a compass?
- I... Yeah, I do have a compass.
- Okay. Where? Where's that?
- Uh.
- Look in that sock.
- Why would it be in your s... Oh, yeah. Here it is.
- Yeah.
- Try getting out of here with that, Jeremiah Johnson.
- Oh, my... Whoa!
- Yeah. You'll never get out of here,
no matter how hard
you try, it's all scrambled.
- The vortex.
- No, it's not the vortex, you idiot. It's him!
He's causing
projections in your mind
of whatever he wants,
wherever he wants.
But it drains him, so he's
gotta be sneaky about it.
- Things you won't expect.
- Oh, my God.
Well, well, if this mind projection
stuff is a thing that's happening,
who's to say he's
not doing other stuff
- like that to us right now?
- Exactly.
- Who's to say?
- Right. Who is to say?
Yeah. Who is to say?
- Who is?
- Who is? Right.
- Who is?
- Who... Are you saying?
[Tom] Alright, my friend,
you are about to experience
a new level of transformation
you have never
experienced before.
I am so excited for you.
[beeping and chiming]
How do you feel?
Oh, oh, hang on,
hang on. Let me, uh...
let me take care
of that for you.
- How do you feel?
- I feel...
feel... I gotta pee.
- I gotta pee...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, hang on.
Whoa, whoa. Hang on,
hang on. Hang... Whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?
Where's your
bathroom at? I gotta pee.
What the hell?
[growling continues]
Now, that was a cougar.
Yes, they, uh, they do tend
to come around
these parts quite often.
Uh, this usually
scares them away.
Okay. [chuckles]
- What the... Wh... Wasn't the door right there?
- Oh!
Look at you, all turned around. Um,
actually, the door is on the other side,
uh, but, uh, you're not gonna be able to use
the toilet because it's on the fritz right now.
But thankfully, nature's
just one giant toilet.
So have at it.
Okay, coug-whisperer.
[jazz music]
[Rambo] Okay, so here's the
plan. This is the campsite here,
- your tent, your buddy's. You go past the boneyard.
- [Dexter] Mm-hmm.
[Rambo] Go through
the ridgeline here.
We don't wanna go over there
because this is a, a nail trap.
- It could really, severely hurt you.
- [Dexter] Okay. Right.
- And then what's this?
- [Rambo] Oh, this is a really pretty family of snakes,
- but they're really mean, so we don't wanna go that way.
- [Dexter] Okay.
[Rambo] So we walk
through the ridgeline here,
and, uh, we get up
here to the lookout.
This is the, uh, the
trailer. I'm the shotgun.
- You're the nail polish.
- [Dexter] Wait, why am I the nail polish?
[Rambo] Well, because
I'm the shotgun shell.
Why didn't he just
kill us both last night
and take the foil
then? Why is he playing
- all these mind games?
- Uh, 'cause the subject needs
to be alive when he,
uh, takes the foil out
or else it's no good. It's
a very delicate process.
[Dexter] Why don't I come
over and sort of post up here,
and that way we have
two vantage points on Tom?
[Rambo] No, no, no, no, no,
no. You need to stay with me
because Tom trusts me
and I don't get scrambled.
You'll be scrambled over here.
Got it. Okay, but it sounds
like regardless of what we do,
we just need to take out Tom before
he can harvest and then kill all of us,
- right? We gotta kill Tom.
- What are you talking about?
We can't just go in
there guns blazing.
What are yo... You've
seen Platoon, right?
- It's a disaster. This is what we're gonna do.
- Okay.
We're just gonna talk to him.
- Got it. Okay.
- That's what we gotta do. We just talk to him first.
You know what? If
we can't shoot him,
then, by golly,
- we can shoot him!
- What the hell is that? Is that a Polaroid?
It's a MiniDV. It's, it's
digital, straight out of Japan.
- A Mini TV. Good God, that's amazing.
- Isn't that cool?
And so I'm thinking at least we can
just film what's happening to Rex here
to gather evidence,
you know, if not for the,
you know, science community,
at least for the authorities.
- Right? Proof.
- Right. Right. So when they find our dead bodies,
boom, proof is
there in the pudding.
Let's go. Let's get out of here.
- Huh.
- We gotta go!
Hey, man, uh, you probably shouldn't
be leaving these fires unattended.
You know, you never know
what could happen. Uh...
should probably just kick
this out. You just keep going.
I got it.
Don't worry about it.
[clears throat]
- [whistling]
- [beeping and chiming]
- What in the hell are you doing?
- [chuckles]
Well, the magnets are
drawing the foil to the surface
in the most delicate and
least invasive way possible.
- Right. Like magnetic. Tectonic. Yeah.
- Yes, exactly.
I do believe you are
primed and ready, my friend.
All my gear is clean and safe.
Freaking wild.
You ready, my friend?
[keyboard clacking]
How about one more shot?
One more shot? You
finished my beer, my whiskey.
You drunk me dry, sailor.
No problemo.
I brought a little
something myself.
What is that?
If I said it's aged ten years,
would that mean anything to you?
[birds chirping]
- [sighs]
- Hey.
Come on.
Let's, uh, let's drink.
- Let's drink, uh, to the foil. Right?
- Alright.
- [sighs]
- Whoo, that's good.
Uh-uh. There you go. Big one.
Big rip. Big rip.
- Oh! To the foil!
- [chuckling] To the foil!
- Alright.
- Yes, sir.
Alright, let's get on the
table, boy. Let's get cracking.
[computer chiming and beeping]
[Dexter] So how did you get
into this whole mess with Tom?
[Rambo] Well, a long
time ago, years ago,
I came out with a buddy
to go camping just like you.
My buddy had the foil in him.
Tom harvested him, killed him,
and he would've killed me too,
if I didn't convince him that
I would help him find more.
So what do you get out of it?
I get to live. That's it.
Huh. Whoa. So you're
like Silver Surfer?
- Yeah.
- And he's like Galactus.
- Yeah.
- Huh.
- But you both live together.
- Yeah, we're roommates.
You know, in the beginning,
all we did was hunt for foil.
But it was like a constant
rat wheel of waiting and killing.
Waiting and killing.
Waiting and...
[Rambo] After a couple of
kills, you just got so numb to it.
What do you think?
Oh, yeah.
Check this out.
Things got really bad.
We lost ourselves.
I mean, it got to the point
where I couldn't even remember
what life was like
before the killing.
I was actually
pooping in the sink
- and peeing in the tub.
- What?
I had to convince Tom that we
needed something to pass the time.
[echoing] Boo!
Something to connect
us to humanity.
We needed movies.
- So to Blockbuster we went.
- [gasps]
- The film study group.
- Yeah.
[doo-wop music]
[Rambo] Those were the
days. Whatever we wanted,
we just took it, watched
it, studied the hell out of it.
Wow. So you just
stole all the tapes?
Well, yeah, but I
didn't feel bad about it
because it wasn't a
mom and pop shop.
I would never do that.
It was a Blockbuster.
- They'd be fine.
- Right. Absolutely.
[Rambo] So we
started with the Oscars.
Then we moved
on into the classics.
- [shouting] - And then the
Blockbuster hits, you know?
- Right. Like Rambo?
- What?
Oh, no, no. Like
the Stallone Rambo.
- Tremors?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, those were my go to
when I would talk
to strangers at first.
- Yeah.
- But around this time, Tom's taste and mine
- started to drift apart.
- Huh.
[Rambo] He was all about
the performances, you know?
'Cause she got a great ass!
He thought if he studied those, he could
unlock the key to talking to strangers
- in any situation. He was a machine.
- Whoa.
[Rambo] But for me, the
more I watched these movies,
the more I realized
these weren't real at all.
I went the other
direction. I started looking
at the un-movieness
moments in movies.
And that's when I found it,
the Holy Grail...
- Watering Holes.
- [sighs]
In no movie ever have
I been more convinced
that there is no
acting going on at all,
- whatsoever.
- Yeah. That feels a little bit unfai... Hey, wait.
Does that mean you found a copy
of Watering Holes in a Blockbuster?
Well, it wasn't on the shelf.
It was in, uh, the back,
in the manager's room.
I think it was part of his
private stash or something.
But I'm telling you, man, like,
the constant looks to the camera,
the, the overlapping of lines, the forgetting
of lines, the, the crew in every frame.
- Right.
- I think I heard three actors fart
- in three separate scenes, man. It's incredible.
- Yeah. Yeah. We had
a really bad lactose
intolerance incident on the film.
That's... yeah. Yeah,
I get it. Okay, I get it.
The movie is
un-movie. I get that.
No, no, no, but
tha... but it's real,
and those are
real fucking people
fucking in those
hot springs, man.
And it's revolutionary.
[chuckles] Wow. Revolutionary?
- Yeah, I'm telling you.
- Thanks, man. That,
in a weird way,
that means a lot.
No, I mean, well, the
movie sucks still, but it...
that doesn't mean it's
not important, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. Hey,
dude, thank you.
Thank you, man. Seriously, it's
just an honor to hang out with you.
[chuckles] You know, man, given all
the stuff you're looking for in movies,
I have to ask, have you
not heard of a documentary?
A, a what?
- [Tom] Alright, easy now. Easy.
- [groaning]
For your vitals.
Alright, I'm just gonna
grab my instruments.
You're doing great! You're
doing great... [mumbling]
Whoa. Wha... are you
sure we can't just go back
and take one more shot?
So I take it that shotgunning
Tom is just fully off the table, yeah?
I'm not gonna shoot
my roommate, dude.
- I told you this already. No.
- Fine.
- [sighs] - I mean, I've
never shot a gun in my life,
- so there's no way I'm doing it.
- Yeah. Right.
So I think we're pretty
locked in on just talking to him?
Yeah, just, we'll just
go there and figure it out.
What? You don't know what you
wanna say? Y... you're gonna wing it?
Yeah, I just... I don't
know. I'll just go.
Stay in the moment, act natural,
you know? What's the problem?
I'm just saying we should
have some kind of a plan, man.
Well, you've known him for ten
minutes, I've known him forever.
Yeah, you know what?
You're right. You know
Tom better than anybody.
In fact, one could even say that
you could stroke that ego a bit
- if you wanted to.
- What do you mean?
What I mean to say is you
could push the right buttons,
turn the right gears. I mean,
I could even go as far
as to say that you could
butter him up, if you
know what I mean.
Butter him u... No.
What do you mean?
You know, like, butter him up?
Oh, oh, you're talking
Watering Holes, scene six,
- when Trent tries to coax Gwyneth into skinny dipping...
- Skinny dipping.
- Back door spring. Yes!
- in the back door spring. Yes.
You could do that to Tom.
He, he puts that
body butter on so thick,
she has no choice
but to wash it all off,
and, and he'll listen to you,
he'll listen to everything you say
because he's so
utterly buttered.
I mean, if it's the only way, I
guess I could butter his ass up.
Yeah. So that he'll listen.
Well, okay, great. Uh, do
you have a stick of butter?
[lively western music]
[indistinct mumbling]
- That's what you use for this? The tarp?
- Oh!
Oh, it's for the mess.
The mess. Uh, okay. Do
you wash that ever? Or...
- Multiuse. Very sterile.
- Uh-huh.
Uh, this helmet is a little tight,
little bit of a headache going.
Is that normal? Or is that...
- [whooshing]
- Whoa!
You know, day drinking
will do that to you.
[Rambo whispering]
Alright. Stay low.
It's right up here.
Oh, yeah, there they are.
Whoa, what are you doing?
- What? I'm filming.
- You gonna film?
- Yeah.
- Can I maybe do the director thing?
'Cause I've never done that
before. I've always wanted to do it.
- Oh, yeah. Okay, sure. That's cool.
- Yeah? That would be great.
- Yeah, we could do a little thing...
- That's fun. Oh, yeah,
maybe we do, like,
an intro thing of me,
like, saying what's
gonna happen.
Okay, you are looking beautiful.
And go time.
Hi. Hi. Hello.
- My name is Dexter Wiggins...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wait a minute. [mockingly] "Hi. Hi. Hello."
- What?
- You're right. I'm sorry.
- That is so unreal.
- I'm nervous. Okay.
- Do it real because you might die,
and you want people to
know you're a real person.
- Got it.
- Okay, hold on. Alright. And go time.
Hi. My name is Dexter Wiggins,
and it is Sunday, October 26th, 1997.
And we are documenting my findings
here tonight in case something of criminal
or scientific significance
happens within this tape.
With that said, I think it's
time that we film. Yeah?
Can you say something about me,
though? You know, like, put me in it?
- Like a credit?
- A credit! Yeah. I want a credit!
Okay. Fine, fine, fine,
fine, fine, fine, fine.
Uh, filming with me today is
an associate by the name of...
[Rambo] Rambo! Name's Rambo. I'm here
to kick ass and take names. And focus...
- Cool. Cool. He's doing the zooms. That's fun.
- [mimics whirring]
- [Dexter] Yep. That's what he's doing.
- Okay.
And he's helping me rescue
my cohort, Rex O'Bannion,
from what seems to be a
potentially dangerous stranger.
- And now I am taking the camera.
- Okay.
Here we go.
Oh, my God. He's
already on the table!
Yeah. He's been
here the whole time,
- just laying there.
- What? You could've told me!
- He could cut into him at any minute!
- [Rambo] Yeah,
- I know he's in a lot of danger!
- Jesus Christ.
Okay, I gotta get a frame,
and we gotta get in there.
- [Rambo] Frame. I love that.
- Okay.
What the...
[dramatic music]
- [shouts] What the hell?
- What? What, cougar?
What? [panting]
[shouts] Oh, shit! Fuck!
Look. Look through the camera!
- Do you see it?
- Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah!
What is this camera? It sees
right through his projections.
It's a MiniDV, man. Wait.
Projections? Did you know?
- [Rex] What's going on, man? I'm ready for extraction.
- [shushes]
[tense music]
Who's out there?
Oh, God. Our cover's blown.
- We gotta go.
- [Dexter] No. No. No.
Did you... you lied to me,
didn't you? Did you lie?
Show yourself!
- Yeah. So I might have lied.
- How fucking dare you, man?
I mean, I'll explain
later. We gotta go.
I... do the butter
thing, remember?
You know what?
Fuck this. [grunts]
- What are you doing?
- [heavily breathing]
I just found my stick of butter.
- Get moving.
- [sighs]
God damn it.
[Dexter] Ahoy there!
It is I,
Is that Wet Blanket?
Hey, Dex!
Welcome to the party, pal!
Some pretty cool stuff
is going on here, man.
Rambo, what are you doing
here? Wh... what's going on?
Uh, funny thing, T.
You had a very
specific assignment!
[Rambo] Yeah, I
know, change of plans.
No! No, we don't
change plans, ever!
But this is the guy that
made Watering Holes.
Watery Holes?
[Rex laughing] The Watery Hole!
Yeah, you know, the
movie I love so much
- with the butter and the hot springs?
- [shouts] What?
Th... the porno
with the farting?
- Yeah.
- You directed that smut?
You're goddamn right I did!
Oh, T, uh, Dexter has this camera
thing, this Mini RV from Japan,
and it, uh it can see through your
projections, we saw everything.
- Everything?
- Yeah.
So, Rambo, why don't you take you
ropes over there and tie everybody up?
We're gonna have
ourselves a little experiment.
What is your major
malfunction, numbnuts?
Just hear him out, Tom. Alright?
Thank you very much, Rambo,
now why don't you come back?
- And turn around. Yeah.
- What?
What the hell?
[grunts] Okay.
Well, I'm already tied up.
You can't tie me up anymore.
- [whirring increases]
- [laughs and coughs] Ow, ow, ow.
[suspenseful western music]
[Rex] Dexter, chill out, man.
Alright, we're in the
middle of something here.
- You don't know everything.
- You don't know everything.
You remember in the Bronco, man, when you
asked me, what would you do if we saw one?
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about, man.
We're making contact.
I got the coordinates
in my head.
I got the foil in my hip.
You don't get it, Rex,
you've already made contact.
The alien is
sitting right there.
It's Tom, and my
camera proves it.
You're just jealous that I
found something cool out here,
and you got bored with
your silent treatment
so you're coming over
here to ruin my fun!
No, man, he causes projections
and I can show you man,
I have the footage.
Oh, what footage?
- Look, look.
- 'Cause is gonna be great.
Let me just bring up playback.
[camera whirring]
- [Dexter] Hey, Mom!
- Get your butt in here.
- [Dexter] Come check this out...
- Uh, not this part.
This part's not
important. Hold on.
- [camera whirring]
- Come on!
No wonder you can't
make it in Hollywood.
[Dexter] He could cut
into him at any minute.
- [Dexter] Straight out of Japan. I can't...
- [scoffs]
[camera whirring]
- [Dexter yells]
- Uh-huh! Uh!
Okay. Okay. Ha! Right here.
- Boom!
- Oh, my God.
- Look. See? See? Your tentacles and all, Tom.
- [gasps]
I just got drunk with an
alien. [sharply exhales]
- [laughs]
- [shouts] That's your reaction?
- I just got drunk with an alien!
- [Dexter] He's trying to kill you, man!
- [groaning] - [Dexter] What the
hell is this helmet doing to him?
Enough of this. We
are doing my test.
- This should be fun.
- Alright.
To prove to you guys
that I am not an alien,
I'm gonna film myself, okay?
Huh? You see me? Am I an alien?
- No.
- Okay.
[sharply exhales] Now, Rex, even
though sometimes I have my doubts.
I'm hot-blooded.
Check it and see.
- [Dexter] Yeah.
- Human.
- Human.
- [Rambo] Human.
That just leaves you, Rambo.
You know me, you know my story!
You don't have to do this.
I think you should,
you know, film him.
I think you'll be surprised.
The results may be otherworldly.
Oh, "otherworldly."
Yeah, right. Yeah.
[scoffs] This is ridiculous.
Is it ridiculous?
Is it as ridiculous
as some guy hanging out with an
alien in an Airstream for how many years?
Killing on command?
are you an, an alien?
[dramatic music]
Why don't you film
him and find out?
[music increases]
- Boo!
- [yells]
- [shouts]
- [clicks]
[laughing] You tie
worse knots than Rambo.
What? There's two of him!
[Tom] Untie him.
Okay. Okay.
- Okay. Alright. Alright. Alright.
- [grunts]
Sorry. He's free.
He's free. He's free.
Rambo, will you get up
and help me, God damn it?
No, I'm not. I'm
human. I'm staying.
You know, all this talk
about freedom and...
home? I mean,
what is home even? Where is it?
Where are you from?
- The scar?
- What scar?
The scar under your bandana.
Do you have any
idea how you got that?
Do I have a scar?
[softly] Yeah.
[Rex] Big Daddy.
[Tom] When we crashed...
you came to and
you... [chuckles]
you, you insisted that
you were a human.
And this was your projection.
This was it. This was all
that you projected since then.
Some Dennis Hopper
knockoff. I tried to tell you,
every day I tried to tell you
the truth about who you are.
And every morning,
no, it's like, "I'm a human.
I'm Rambo," but, you know,
pretty soon I just gave up.
I just let you run with it.
But not now. Not tonight.
Tonight is when
you face the truth.
This is not your home.
It never was.
Tonight, we're going back!
[light dramatic music]
Come on, Rambo.
- I'll tell you everything.
- [Rex] Whoa.
Check it out. The
trailer door's back!
- Hey, man, you alright? Your ropes too tight?
- No! Don't touch him!
Sorry! Sorry!
Listen, I've done the math.
This guy's got enough
foil in him to get us home.
I'm not going with you, Tom,
I don't care what the truth is.
[Tom] There's
nothing for you here.
You know who you are.
Okay, well, if I am an alien,
then where are our people?
Why haven't they contacted us?
Why aren't they coming for us?
We have been crashed
for 60 years. Back home,
that's six days, right?
I don't wanna wait here
for another 600 years
for some stealth
extractor to find us.
- 600? What the...
- Yes!
You know the policy
of headquarters.
Right? "A downed ship..."
"never was."
The point is, this guy,
he is our ticket out of here.
All we got to do is
keep him conscious
and download the
coordinates home.
- Coordinates?
- Yes, they embedded it,
the binary code,
in his subconscious.
- The helmet?
- Yes.
I thought your
helmet was all bullshit.
No, it's not bullshit.
It's been downloading
since you got here.
We're gonna get everything
that we need to go home.
[panting] Hey, Dex...
if I don't make it out of here,
there's something
I want you to have.
- Okay, man. Yeah.
- [Rex] Alright. Are you listening?
- [Dexter] Yeah. What is it?
- In my wallet there is a coupon.
That coupon is a rent one,
get one free at Kling-On Video.
I want you to take it.
I want you to use it.
I want you to save
it for a special night.
- Alright?
- Okay.
Uh, look, man, how about, uh,
how about I do you
one better, huh? Uh,
- when we get out of here...
- [whispers] Okay.
Can I sleep on your couch?
- What?
- Yeah.
What are you talking about?
You're going back to
Hollywood on Monday.
No, man. I got evicted.
I don't live there anymore.
And as for Monday... [chuckles]
that meeting was never official.
I just knew a secretary that
could get me in the building.
[mellow music]
Outside of a Hail Mary,
come Monday, I'm
gonna be out on my ass.
[chuckles] Come
Monday it'll be alright
Come Monday, I'll...
- Ow.
- Ooh, ooh. Easy, big buddy.
I need you.
We need each other.
We can't do this alone.
Please, let's go home.
[computer chimes]
- Get back in there.
- [whooshing]
And welcome back.
Thanks for the sidebar.
What was that sound?
You're the first camper
that's been dumb enough
to keep that
helmet on this long,
at least without getting
killed or, uh, keeling over.
Yeah, well, you don't
drink Rex under the table.
And you don't strap
him to one either.
- [growls]
- [gasps]
- [Dexter] Yes!
- Hey, is that my...
Your knife from the
campsite? You're damn right!
What are you doing? Giving
them knives, shotguns?
- Whose side are you on?
- I don't know!
I can't shoot him,
I'll nick the foil!
Dex, you know what to do.
Hell, yeah. Rex-Dex Superflex!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Go! Go for it!
[yells and grunts]
Go, Rex, go!
I'm free, Dex.
We could go all the...
- [thud]
- Ooh!
[Rex] way.
- [groans]
- [Dexter grunting]
What happened?
[groaning and panting]
[suspenseful music]
- [whooshing]
- [Dexter] Oh, shit. Rex.
Oh, just kill me.
Looks like you found your burial
site a little early there, huh, cowboy?
- [groaning] - [Rambo] Here,
come here, let me help you up.
- [Rex grunts]
- Whoa.
Yeah. I've been doing
some day drinking.
But I'll tell you what,
when you see an alien on tape,
that'll sober you up real quick.
So here's the deal.
There is no way y'all are
getting me back on that table.
This is a camping...
it's a, it's a hunting knife.
Rex, what are you gonna do?
I could throw it.
Chances are I'll hit one of you.
And at this point,
I don't care who.
I guess no one ever told him,
you're not supposed
to bring a banana
to a gunfight.
- [whooshing]
- [laughing]
Ugh! Banana! Ugh!
God! Ugh!
He projected that
into your mind, man.
That was a perfectly good
knife you just threw away.
No! No! That was a
banana! I hate bananas.
- [whimpering] - [Tom]
You really do hate bananas.
[softly] It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay, because I got this.
[gasps and shouts] What?
No, no, no! God!
[Rex] Bananas!
[Tom] Hey, cowboy.
You got anything
else under there
you wanna share with
us? Any more knives?
Uh, slingshot? Pea
shooter, maybe?
Didn't think so. Alright,
Rambo, go get him.
- Okay.
- Hey. No, no, no, no.
Rambo, don't, don't.
Don't do this, man.
Remember what we talked about
all day, how you wanted to save us,
- you know, Watering Holes? You gotta do the right thing!
- Yeah. I know. I know.
But I, I just wanna go home, like,
wher... wherever that is, you know?
But, uh, I mean, I did
make a deal with them.
I told them that they could go free, and,
you know, I would like to stick to that.
You know, like, like butter.
- Step into my office.
- Uh, one second.
[Rex] Butter? Bananas?
What the hell is this,
a farmer's market?
What are you, baking bread?
Why can't you just
hold onto a banana?
- Who is this clown?
- He is an ally, okay?
We'll be light-years away before
these kids even get out of here.
- Rambo.
- Please!
- [sighs]
- Tom, please, please.
If we can take
off, they can live.
Oh, my God, you're the
best. Let's go tell them.
[crickets chirping]
here's the deal. Um,
we're gonna let you guys go, but
we gotta get the foil out of his hip,
- and then that's it, we'll let you go.
- Oh.
- No. No deal.
- [Dexter] How about this?
Do you swear on Watering
Holes that we get to live?
Yeah, I swear on Watering Holes.
I, I... I swear on Dusty Peter's life.
- That's my life!
- Dex, do something!
- Ten minutes. Operating table. Let's go. Chop, chop.
- [Rex] Dex...
It's the only deal
on the table, man.
- We gotta take it.
- No. No table, no deal.
It's a little dark down there,
but it's about to get
pretty bright up here.
- [Dexter] Where is that from?
- [Rambo] I wrote it. It's mine.
[ominous music]
Whoa! [yelling]
- [thud]
- [ringing]
The gortex...
[western music]
[Tom] Alright. Here we go.
Let's get to work. [laughs]
You alright, buddy?
Oh, man.
- What is it?
- I'm not good with, uh...
- You're not good with, uh...
- You know, the, uh...
- Blood?
- Yeah.
Was that the sound of a
wet blanket hitting the dirt?
[soft squelching]
[light whirring]
[Rex heavily breathing]
[Rex groaning]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, hey, man.
[Rex] He did it.
He did it.
- Did he do it?
- [Dexter] Oh, yeah.
- Oh! He did it.
- Oh, God.
Oh! He did it. [groans]
But you're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay, man.
- [sharply exhales]
- Also, dude, check it out.
[Rex] Oh, my God.
The foil is fuel, man. That's
why Tom wants it so bad.
That's why he's
been harvesting it.
The foil is fuel.
[Dexter whispers] Yeah.
I mean, honestly, the amount
that you were correct about
all of this is mind boggling.
- I told you, wasn't a park ranger.
- [laughs]
Oh, my!
My baby is up and running.
I haven't heard her
purr like that in decades!
Well, we held up our end of the
bargain, right, so are we free to go?
- That's the deal.
- Well, here's the thing.
- [Rambo] The thing?
- The thing?
What thing?
Now, I don't wanna be "terse,"
is it, Dexter? But, um,
you boys being here
after we go,
or I go,
is not gonna sit
well with our people.
[tense music]
- What?
- You see, the thing is,
about us kind of folks,
is that we like to
avoid detection.
After all you two
have seen today,
it kind of makes you loose ends.
I don't like loose ends.
I can't believe
what I'm hearing!
Tom, we had a deal.
No, I had to deal with you!
- Right.
- Which is why I'm still gonna offer you
a space in my ship
on one condition.
[Rambo] What?
You, you, you betrayed me.
- No.
- Yes.
But, despite your treachery,
you're still one of my own.
- Thank you.
- You're like family to me.
- I've been nothing but loyal to you.
- True.
So start showing
some loyalty back.
What do you...
[Tom] Blast these two
and let's get out of here.
If you don't, I'll
blast all three of you,
and then I'll leave.
Or maybe I'll blast...
Say "blast" one more time!
It's gonna be a blast!
Oh, don't get cute
with me, Rambo.
You... [echoing] don't have
enough shells for all of me.
Fuck! What do we do?
Only one of these
is the real one, right?
Just pick one and shoot.
That's not a gamble
he's willing to take, son.
I'm sorry, kid.
Rambo, don't do this.
Ticktock, Rambo.
[gun cocks]
[tense music]
"Well, the holes,
they are watered...
but now we've made landfall."
"I guess the desert
is not so dry after all."
[music increases]
- Wait, no!
- [Tom] Blast him!
- [thudding]
- [shotgun cocks]
- Bring it!
- [gunshot fires]
Oh, nicely done, Rambo.
Let's get the hell out of here.
["Come Monday" by Twinkle
Twinkle Little Rock Star]
[crickets chirping]
[Tom grunts]
[sharply exhales]
Ooh! [laughs]
Ooh. Oh, my.
It has been a day!
[laughs] Ooh.
Oh, those frontal
lobes are throbbing.
Oh, hey! Almost forgot.
[soft whirring]
Let's get on home!
So long, neighbors!
Ooh! [grunts]
[grunts] Think I'd
better shut this.
[soft whirring]
[Tom giggling]
Oh, yes, yes!
[AI] Coordinates
acquired. Route set.
[beeping and whirring]
[Tom] Oh.
Second star from the right,
straight on until morning.
[Tom laughing]
I'm not gonna be
able to forgive myself.
Those were good kids, man.
- What are you doing?
- [whirring]
Whoa, you hear that?
Did you hear what I
said? We fucked up, man.
We fucked up.
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, we are fucked up.
What does that button do?
[Rambo] What, ar...
are you fucked up?
- [Tom] Ooh.
- Oh, God. You're fucked up.
- [Tom] Oh!
- You're fucked up!
Ooh. Ooh, did you feel that?
- Did you feel that?
- Oh, my God, you're fucked up.
Buckle up, buttercup.
["Come Monday" by Twinkle
Twinkle Little Rock Star]
[engines rumbling]
[laughing] Let's hit it!
Hang on! [screaming]
Tom! Fly, fly straight, Tom!
- [laughing and crying]
- [beeping]
Get it together, man!
[deep voice] Get
it together, man!
[Tom crying]
- [AI] Pull up!
- Dude!
[AI] Pull up! Pull up!
- Dude! Fuck!
- [AI] Pull up! Pull up!
[whirring and whistling]
[loud crashing]
Oh, shit. Rex. Rex!
Rex! Rex! Rex!
- Holy... Rex!
- [shouts and gasps]
- Oh, thank God.
- [groaning]
- Oh, he shot us, man.
- Yeah.
Oh, he fucking shot us!
He did.
- Well, then why aren't we...
- Dead?
The birdshot. Remember
what I told you?
"Enough to ruin your day..."
"not enough to kill"! [laughing]
- Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
- [groaning]
- Okay. [groans]
- [groans]
Oh, shit. [groans]
Did they...
[laughs] Dude, I
think they crashed!
Did you piss in their
gas tank or something?
[groaning] Don't make me laugh.
Don't make me laugh. [coughs]
Tom and I,
we, uh,
we drank the mushrooms.
You drank the mushrooms?
I sprinkled them in my flask
when you weren't looking.
- [Dexter] You goddamn degenerate!
- [laughs]
And they're just
hitting you both now?
Yeah. I guess
they are still good.
[laughing] Fuck me, dude.
I told you to leave
that shit in the car.
[sharply exhales] Yeah, well,
you told me a lot of things.
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
- [sighs] Give me a hand.
- Come on, get up.
- [Dexter] Oh, man.
- Oh, no. Your camera, they smashed it.
- Oh, yeah. No. No, no. That's dead, baby.
- Get the tape. Get the tape out.
But that footage...
that footage you shot.
[softly] It's fine. It's fine.
It's a story we can always
tell. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
- [sighs]
- Think anybody will believe it?
[chuckles] I sure
as shit wouldn't.
Let's get out of here.
[Dexter] Yeah, let
me check something.
[birds chirping]
Phew! Yeah. Think
we're good to walk home.
So, you know where we're going?
Let's just head west.
I'm pretty sure that's east.
[laughs] Yeah, man.
Hey, but hey, when we get there,
Yes what?
You can crash on my couch.
But no silent treatments.
[sighs] Comprende.
[Rex] Alright. Let's
get out of here.
[rock music]
The Bronco is this way, right?
[Dexter] I don't think
you're gonna be driving it.
- [Rex] What?
- Rambo gutted it when he took your shotgun.
[Rex] Damn it. Well, looks
like I need a job again.
- You know anybody that's hiring?
- [Dexter] You know, there's actually an opening
- at Kling-On Video right now.
- Really?
Do you have an in?
Can you introduce me?
[Dexter] That depends.
Do you play D&D?
- [Rex] TNT? What?
- [Dexter] Dungeons & Dragons.
They play it every
Monday and on full moons.
Tuesdays are Tekken Tuesdays.
[rock music continues]
[rock music continues]