Footlight Parade (1933) Movie Script

- What a laugh.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it doesn't mean a thing.
- They laughed at Edison, too.
Looks like I'm an assistant
to a guy out of a job.
You remember when mahjong
was popular, don't you, Harry?
- So what?
- It's a fad.
I've staged 50 musical comedies
and I'll stage 50 more.
I hope you're right.
Frazer and Gould are putting
Never Say No into rehearsal...
and I'm doing the numbers.
- Am I going with you?
- If they don't run out of ink. Let's go.
- Hiya, Kent.
- Hello, boys.
When does Never Say No
go into rehearsal?
Chester, it don't. You can't give
the public what they don't want.
- What show are you gonna do?
- No show if we're in our right mind.
People ain't paying for shows no more.
Talking pictures is what they want.
So, it don't mean a thing, huh?
Plays is a dead issue.
We're in the picture business, exhibitors.
Yeah, we just bought four houses.
They deliver the show in tin cans
and we got nothing to worry about.
So musicals are out, huh?
Yeah, come on around the corner
and I'll show you why.
Yeah, come on around the corner
and I'll show you why.
There's the answer.
It's a lot better to fill your theater
10 times a day at 40 cents a ticket...
than to charge $5 a seat
and have it half-filled once a night.
- Yeah, if you're lucky.
- Come on, I'll show you.
Won't last.
Excuse me, Zeke, official business.
From now on, he'll be getting plenty
of orders, but they won't all be by wire.
- Here's your answer.
- Oh, well, no matter.
I'm so proud of you, John.
So, you're in the picture business, hey, Si?
Who's that, Whistler's mother?
There's competition.
We're booking a house down the street.
So we give them a little prologue
to fit the picture.
What's the picture, Uncle Tom's Cabin?
We're showing Slaves of the Desert.
So we put on something oriental
to fit the plot.
That prologue wouldn't fit anything
but an ash can.
Just the same,
it costs more than the picture.
Say, why don't you let me put on
some of those prologues for you?
- No, no. No more prologues.
- No more prologues, Chester.
That oriental flesh is too expensive.
After this, we're giving our customers
talking pictures and nothing else.
Well, so long.
I gotta break the bad news to the wife.
Red line, I hear you calling me.
Public wants talking pictures
and talking pictures only.
Listen, what you better do
is get yourself another job.
Maybe I haven't made myself
understood, honey.
They're not doing
any more musical shows.
I always said they'd catch up with you.
Is it my fault if somebody invented
talking pictures?
I don't care whose fault it is.
It's time you earned some money.
I'm used to good clothes
and everything that goes with it.
- Well, haven't I always given you...
- Yeah. What goes with it.
Listen, I'm fed up with you
and I have been for a long time.
- What shall we do about it?
- I'll show you.
Here, sign that and I'll be
tickled to death to get a divorce.
- You sure this is the way you want it?
- Absolutely.
Well, that's that.
Here's your aspirin, 18 cents.
Say, how do you do it?
The place next door charges a quarter.
Yeah, but he's on his own.
We got 100 stores.
- What does that mean?
- We buy in big lots.
When you're buying for one store,
you get soaked.
When you're buying for 100...
I see, practically name your own price.
That's it.
Say, that's marvelous.
The chain store idea solves everything.
Thanks a million.
- Hey, your aspirin!
- Take it yourself. My headache's gone.
Come on, Al.
Listen, boys, I just bought some aspirin.
- Drunk again?
- No, listen to this, listen to this.
When you've got one drugstore,
you charge 25 cents for aspirin.
But when you're buying for 100 stores,
you get it for less.
- So you sell it for 18 cents.
- So what?
So your house, I mean,
your store is crowded.
That's great, Chester, old boy.
That's a marvelous idea.
Well, don't you get the connection?
Yeah, we'll use it.
If we ever open a drugstore.
No, listen. When you put on
one prologue, it's too expensive.
But when the same prologue
plays 25, 50, 100 houses...
it doesn't cost a cent more, get it?
- We might have something there.
- Yeah?
No, the same scenery, same costumes,
put them on once and they stay put on.
But we've only got four theaters.
Play them all over Chicago,
all over the country.
Exhibitors everywhere will be tickled pink
to get ready-made prologues.
- How do you know?
- It's a cinch.
You can give them swell prologues...
cheaper than they can
put them on themselves. Why?
Because you're
in the chain store business.
- Si, he's right.
- No question about it.
Boys, your name'll be in lights
from the rock bottom coast of Maine...
to the sunny strands of California.
You'll have to wait a minute.
Will you take a seat, please?
Good morning.
- How about a job, Miss Prescott?
- See Arnold, the casting director.
- Any mail?
- Nine out-of-town calls.
Only nine? We must be slipping.
- Hello.
- Good morning.
- Is the boss in yet?
- I haven't seen Mr. Kent this morning.
- Maybe you blinked and missed him?
- Possibly.
- Hello, girls!
- Hello, Nan!
- Mr. Gould wants to see Mr. Kent.
- Oh, I'll put that in my memory book.
- Is Mr. Kent in?
- No, but I'm his secretary.
- This is something very personal.
- That's the kind of a secretary I am.
Well, you see, I'm a title-thinker-upper.
Honest, I am.
My real business is insurance...
but I have a lot of spare time
so I think up titles.
- Right out of your head?
- Yes, here's some I thought up yesterday.
"Girls of Spain, Girls of France,
Girls of South America"-
Keep them under your hat.
What do you do,
just travel around the world?
That's right.
Maybe you could use them for prologues.
I'll sell them cheap.
Tell you what you do,
you go over to Gladstone.
Sounds like his kind of stuff.
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Here you are.
- Cats!
- First drink that.
Working all night again. I thought you said
you were going home early.
I did go home, that is...
I mean, I started to go home,
right after dress rehearsal, about 3:00 a. m.
And then bingo! I got an idea. Cats!
I was walking on the street
and saw some cats.
You ever see cats walk? Just like that.
A regular dance rhythm.
- So, you came right back here?
- That's just what I did.
I got the whole thing all mapped out.
Seven boys and seven girls, tomcats
and pussycats, cast down in one.
Then we go to full stage
with an alley drop...
with the ash cans and a board fence.
Twelve girls come out in kitten costumes.
They're the children, see?
Now forget the cats, will you?
If you don't let up, you're going to
meow yourself into a padded cell.
Now, go on, get washed
and I'll get you a clean shirt.
You're right, Nan. You're perfectly right.
Perfectly right.
But it's still a good idea.
- Here you are.
- Oh, thanks.
Oh, get Mr. Kent
some tomato juice, toast and coffee.
And a bottle of milk for the cat.
Hello? Yes, all right, wait a minute.
Hold on.
The Gay Nineties unit
calling from Kansas City.
The park number runs too long.
All right, I'll talk to him.
Hello? Hello, cut out your first chorus
and open up with your second.
That'll fix it, won't it? All right, fine.
Two units came in yesterday,
finished their tour.
Say, you're slowing up.
Haven't sent out a unit this week.
We're getting two next week.
That is if I can stay out
of the laughing academy that long.
I put a peach into rehearsal yesterday.
Prosperity idea.
- Ring Harry for me, will you?
- Skulking Thompson?
- What have you got against him?
- Just don't like him, that's all.
Sometimes I get the feeling
you don't like anybody.
If you only knew.
Come in.
- Hello, Bea.
- Hello, Nan.
Good morning, Mr. Kent.
- Where's Thompson?
- Out for a few minutes.
He'll be out for life
if he doesn't stick closer to business.
Gould signed 30 more theaters.
That means I've got to think
of three new prologues a week.
Dust off the straightjacket, baby,
we'll need it.
You'll need it.
Mr. Kent, about the bridesmaid unit,
we're short six mirrors.
Well, take the-
Wait a minute.
- More trouble.
- What is it?
Theater in Savannah burned down,
costumes and scenery ruined.
Never a dull moment.
- The soldier girl unit?
- Yeah.
This is their last week.
Why not bring them in?
That's right.
Hello, this is your last week, isn't it?
Bring them in,
we'll put them in something else.
A nice, big coffin,
and I'll lie down alongside.
There's a girl for you.
- What kind of a girl?
- With brains!
You can buy beautiful women
a dime a dozen.
- She's got up here.
- So have I.
- What?
- A headache.
Always the rap.
Here's Old Man River.
- Hey, Chester!
- Not Harry Thompson?
Yeah, with a peach of an idea for a unit.
Now get this...
all the girls come in
dressed as different flowers.
Then for a finish, the leading lady
is the American Beauty rose.
Stop, you're killing me.
I almost fell out of my cradle
when the Shuberts did it back in 1912.
- What a memory.
- Old Faithful, I calls it.
Hoofers like elephants never forget, baby.
Here, Harry, here's a cat idea.
Get it started right away.
Yeah? Yeah, this is Kent.
All right, I'll fix it.
The Iceland unit's in trouble,
cupidal man married the leading lady.
And they're both in the hospital.
That's quick work.
Listen, Nan, send a new boy and girl in
right away.
Make sure they're not
in love with each other.
Get a couple already married.
- Say, Gould wants to see you.
- Nothing strange about that.
- This cat thing ain't bad.
- Well, keep it that way.
Nan, there's some notes down there on a
jigsaw puzzle unit and a willow tree idea.
- Type them up, will you?
- I will.
American Beauty rose.
He said only the cat idea.
Why should we give him a job?
What can he do?
Why, Scott's a lovely singer and dancer.
Isn't he, Si?
Why, he won his spurs in college shows.
Oh, dear, dear Mr. Kent, for my sake,
now I implore you-
Now, Harriet, don't get excited.
You know what the doctor said.
Say, there's an idea, Si. A doctor unit.
The girls, doctors, and the boys, patients.
The girls give the boys a shot in the arm
and they go into a big dance, like this.
- Divine, simply divine.
- Like the idea?
Oh, it's a beautiful idea.
Oh, now you see, dear Mr. Kent...
Scott is my protg and Scott is such
a dear boy, with the sweetest tenor voice.
Oh, please, please, Mr. Kent!
- Pardon me.
- Sorry.
Mr. Gould is very busy.
I'll say he's busy.
They're talking about me.
That shouldn't take very long.
I'm gonna work here.
Mrs. Gould is giving Kent the good news.
Really? Well, as far as I know,
we have all the office boys we need.
I'm a singer, starred in two shows
at Arkansas College.
Rah, rah.
Our shows play in theaters, not colleges.
Why, he's waiting outside.
Ready and eager to start his career.
Your mistake.
Mr. Kent will be delighted to engage you.
Mr. Kent, I want you to meet Mr. Blair.
- How do you do, sir?
- Oh, it's your great opportunity!
Thanks, Harriet.
Well, I must say adieu now.
I've gotta go see Si about a check.
Come with me
and I'll put you in the cat unit.
- That's keen.
- Don't be so optimistic.
- Meow.
- Meow.
- Hello, Fannie.
- My name's Myrtle, Mr. Kent.
Come on, girls.
All right, that's good.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight. Once again.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Hold it!
- Got a new boy for you, Mac.
- I don't need him.
Neither did I but I caught him.
He's yours, now.
Sit down.
In springtime, in fall time
I face the sun at all times
I'm one step ahead of my shadow
It's faithful and noble
The deuce of all my troubles
I'm having a jolly time
Traveling the world and I'm
One step ahead of my shadow
Hold it, hold it!
What's the matter now?
This number's as dead
as Chelsea's tonsils.
I worry about this and I worry about that-
Yeah, I know.
You got the kids looking worried, too.
This is a prosperity unit.
Some life and some pep.
Dance on your feet, don't die on them.
Here's the way to attack that finish.
Come on, let's go.
- You got it?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- All right. Then do it.
I get it, but I got too much
on my shoulders.
It's all her fault.
She gives me absolutely nothing.
How can we look prosperity when he's
got depression all over that pan of his?
There, you see, Mr. Kent?
See what I'm up against?
I'm afraid if this keeps up
I'll have to resign.
You and me both. But until we do,
keep on working, will you?
Come on, let's do it.
All right now, come on.
Give us a pickup there. Come on. Right!
It's faithful and noble
The deuce of all my troubles
I'm having a jolly time
Traveling the world and I'm
One step ahead of my shadow
Now what?
We'll have to call off the prosperity unit.
Gladstone just put one on.
I slave day and night worrying about ideas
and Gladstone steals them.
He's been doing it for months.
- All right, girls, let's try it again.
- No, call it off. Prosperity unit's out.
That's all, girls. You're excused. What's in?
The cat number. We'll put it in rehearsal
right away and you're it.
I don't know anything about cats.
I never had a cat.
I've got one for you. It's up in my office.
Yeah, but what'll I do with it?
Go up and get him. Make a pal of him.
Study his movements.
Oh, no, listen, I'm an animal trainer,
not a dance director.
Oh, no, I'm a dance trainer,
not an animal...
You got me so worried
I don't know what I am.
I got bad news for you, Chester.
You can't use the cat idea.
You're gonna start to tell me
what I can and what I can't use.
It's my job to see that our prologues
fit in with the censor's regulations.
I'm only doing my duty.
Oh, I see, the tomcats
and the pussycats are all right.
- But the kittens are illegitimate.
- They certainly are.
Unless they're married by a preacher cat.
No preacher cat, no kittens.
No, you can't use it in 39 cities.
Well, I've got some bad news for you.
You're fired.
You can't fire me. Mrs. Gould's my sister.
I don't care if she's your Aunt Minnie.
Get out of here and stay out.
- Yeah, we'll see about that.
- Get out of here!
Get that cat out of here.
You don't suppose I want him in here,
do you?
Now I got cats to worry about.
I better quit, huh?
We'll go into that later, sweetheart.
Mr. Kent, I have here got all the cat music
from our library.
- Anything good?
- Yeah, sure.
"Cat and the Fiddle, Kitten on the Keys,
You are the Cats...
"Cats on Parade, Cat's Meow, Crazy Cat...
"Pussycat, Pussycat,
Where Have You Been?
"Me and My Cat Both Love You,
and Love Me and Love My Cat. "
- Thompson just came in.
- Well, stall him till I get there.
Get Kitten on the Keys
right over to Francis...
and make an orchestration
of Cats on Parade in B flat.
- Cats on Parade in B flat.
- Children!
Children, gather around.
I want you to watch this cat.
So I'm giving you some advice.
Go out and find yourself a nice, new job.
I got one.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
From now on my business address is
General Director, Gladstone Prologues.
Well, that's fine. After they fire you...
you can put on your dance
at the Old Soldier's Home.
The gate's open.
- I bet that's our leak.
- I bet you're right.
Why, that dirty lowdown...
Oh, well.
He'll wind up checking soldiers
when he has to think of his own ideas.
He's full of them.
Like American Beauty rose.
Say, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna keep a half a dozen
of the chorus people here as models.
Teach the new kids the steps. Like it?
Yes, I do. Say, I'll tell you somebody
who'd be swell for a job like that.
- Who?
- Bea Thorn.
- No, too valuable where she is.
- But she's a swell dancer.
- Used to do a turn in vaudeville.
- No, I don't think she'd be interested.
Whatever you say, boss.
- Listen, kid, I'm checking out.
- If you go, dear, so do I.
No, I want you to stick.
I've got a special reason.
But I'll never see you.
Yes, you will. We'll have dinner tonight.
Meet me at my place at 7:00.
I'll tell you how you can help me.
Dear Mr. Kent, I promised my father
I'd always look after Charlie.
Think it over, will you, Chester?
All right, all right. Take him back.
Only keep away from me
or I'll sock you right in your blue nose.
And don't you dare let him fire
any more of my relatives.
Come along, Charlie.
One, two, three, four.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
These are cats, not elephants.
This is about what I want.
Look, watch carefully.
Oh, I get it.
No, I want that certain rhythm.
That certain rhythm,
it's preying on my mind.
What you've got to do is watch that cat.
I hate cats. I can't get away from him.
I've done everything but sleep with him.
Well, sleep with him. You've gotta get it.
Now go to work.
All right, girls, now please,
pay attention, will you?
- I want you to get this. Now watch me.
- Hold it, Mac, hold it.
- Now, watch!
- Hold it!
The Egyptian unit just came in, 29 people.
Call them for rehearsal
tomorrow morning.
We'll put them in the mechanical doll unit.
You must put brassieres on those dolls.
You know Connecticut.
What do they have to do
in Massachusetts?
Wear red flannel drawers?
Rehearsal's off.
Call them back at 8:00 tonight.
Rehearsal's over, kids.
Back at 8:00 tonight.
- Hello. Say, did you see me dancing?
- Do you crochet, too?
No, not me, but I got a tenor voice
people come miles to hear.
Here's a sample of it:
Sweet Adeline
Hey, wait a minute. What's the matter?
Don't you like it?
You must've gone over big
at Arkansas College.
Well, I guess you don't appreciate me.
Oh, no? Well, here comes someone
who does. Mrs. Gould, he's waiting.
Oh, Scott, dear. I'm just in time.
Yep, just in time.
A wet nurse to an alley cat.
Closing time.
Yeah, another day, another gray hair.
Wonder what it's getting me.
- You're a one-third partner, aren't you?
- Yep. My third does all the work.
While the other two-thirds
drag down the money.
Yeah. Maybe it's better
to be one of the help.
I'm supposed to be getting
a percentage of the profits.
But so far everything's gone
back into production.
So they say.
Why don't you do some investigating?
I'm too busy.
I'm daffy trying to think up new ideas.
We've done everything.
"Soldier Girl Unit, Bull Fighters,
Blue Girls...
"Ghost, Baby Dolls, Voo-Doo,
Russian Revolution. "
There's nothing left in the world.
A unit a week.
Where am I going to get any more ideas?
When I do get them,
Gladstone steals them.
I'm falling apart.
Why don't you get something to eat
and go right home?
No, I can't. I gotta stay and dovetail
all this cat unit stuff.
If I promise to take him home with me,
will you go right to bed?
It's a bargain.
Say, what's the name of that foreigner
that built the monster he couldn't stop?
Shake hands with his Aunt Emma.
Good night.
Frankenstein. Swell idea for a unit.
That looks vaguely familiar.
Bonsoir, Nanette.
- Vivian!
- I got the janitor to let me in.
I knew you wouldn't mind
putting me up for a day or two.
- I thought you were in Hollywood.
- I was.
The pictures bored me.
So little culture out there, my dear.
- What is this culture gag all of a sudden?
- I beg your pardon?
Now, relax, will you?
I said, "All of a sudden. "
Last time I saw you, your conversation
was practically dese, dems, and doses.
We grow up, you know.
What was it Professor Malanoff said?
"Life is... "
- "Life is... "
- Just a bowl of cherries?
- No, but that's a very interesting thought.
- Nerts.
Yeah, sure I love you.
But now listen, give me the dope.
What's happening at Frazer and Gould's?
They're rehearsing a new act.
The girls dress like mechanical dolls
and the boys wind them up.
Mr. Kent got the idea today.
Swell. Move it, babe,
while I give it to Gladstone.
Remember now, you can only stay
till Aunt Clara...
or somebody or something
comes through.
- Who is it?
- Kent. I wanna talk with you.
Just a minute. You answer the door.
Come in, won't you?
Be right out. The girl is Miss Rich.
Vivian, Mr. Kent.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
In California, I never missed
a Chester Kent Prologue.
They were all so... What shall I say?
Intellectually devised.
I'm glad you liked them, Miss Rich.
I wouldn't call them exactly intellectual.
You're just modest.
Every one had a definite central theme.
Brains, you know.
- Maybe you're right at that.
- Anything special?
I got some new ideas on that cat stuff,
wanted the outline.
It's on the desk.
Most prologues, Mr. Kent,
are utterly commonplace.
But yours, yours have meaning.
What was it Ruskin said?
"That intangible something. "
Oh, Vivian? What ever happened
to that boyfriend of yours?
Is he still a bootlegger?
- Nan is so bourgeois at times.
- Swell gal, though, works like a slave.
Speaking of that, I was reading a most
interesting book, Slavery In Old Africa.
- Have you read it?
- I don't even have time to read my mail.
Oh, it's filled with the most
fascinating pictures.
- All the women were slaves-
- Hold it, Vivian, I is a coming!
Say, that's a natural.
- Where is this book?
- I think I know a shop that keeps it.
I can see it now. Pretty girls in black face.
"Slaves of Old Africa. "
White men capture them.
- Can we get that book tonight?
- Perhaps, if we leave right away.
- Well, let's get going.
- Oh dear, I forgot. I've had no dinner.
Well, have it with me.
After we find a bookshop.
I'd adore it.
Good night, Nanette.
Oh, good night. Never mind the outline.
I think I've got a new one.
One, two, three, four, five, six, down.
Mr. Francis?
The music department sent down
this new arrangement.
Give it to Joe. Can't you see I'm busy?
I've got everything on my shoulders.
Music, costume, girls, cats.
And now I'm beginning to sniffle.
I feel as though I'm coming down
with a dreadful...
Now that's where Scotty comes in.
- Where is he?
- He isn't in yet.
Mr. Kent's gonna hear about this.
From the beginning, girls.
One, two, three, four, five, six, down.
You know you're late, don't you?
Good morning, dear teacher
Good morning to you
I'm going to report you.
Mr. Kent is very strict
about chorus people being on time.
- I'm not in the chorus anymore.
- Oh.
- They threw me out.
- I'm sorry.
And you were gonna report me.
One, two, three, four, five, six, down.
One, two, three...
Perhaps I could speak to Mr. Kent.
He might-
Now that's not fair, Miss Thorn.
You know I'm all upset. Look.
My hair's turning gray
with so much on my mind...
and you're keeping Scotty from rehearsals.
But he isn't in your chorus anymore.
Well, of course, he isn't.
They made him a principal last night.
A principal! Him?
I told you your favorite people had a voice.
All these annoyances piling up.
Come on, Scotty.
I'm waiting for you to sing that number.
Don't get a cold, will you? Come on.
- So long, time clock.
- So long, crooner.
Here's the statement
for the last six months.
Profits going up all the time.
And here's the statement for Mr. Kent.
No profits at all.
Well, Mr. Kent's statement shows that
all profits go back into production.
- Is that right?
- Exactly.
- Draw $20,000 in cash for Gould and me.
- Charge it to production costs as usual.
Yes, and take a century note for yourself.
- Good morning.
- Is it still morning?
You beautiful girl.
Nice of you to drop in.
There's some mighty pretty country
around here.
Eleven wires, nine phone calls and one
secretary slowly going out of her mind.
Arrange an audition for some girls.
I want one
to sing that number with Scotty.
And I'm starting a new department today:
Styles and Ideas.
- Who's gonna run it?
- She'll be here in a minute.
Has brains and all kinds of culture.
Just what we need.
Gave me a swell idea: Slaves of Old Africa.
A hit.
I should've kicked her out
the minute I saw her.
Four girls from the Swiss Navy unit
married a quartet in Philadelphia...
- yesterday and they wanna quit.
- Quartet any good?
Is the quartet any good? Yeah.
- Put them in the act.
- Put them in the act.
- Sorry, Chester, to keep you waiting.
- Hello, Vivian.
This is Miss Rich.
My secretary, Miss Prescott.
I know Miss Rich, if you remember.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I met her at your place.
Vivian is the head of our
new Style and Idea department.
I hope you'll both be very happy.
Oh, Nan, would you get
Miss Rich an office?
I'm awfully busy, but I'll see that it's done.
This way, please.
Don't forget about
our luncheon engagement, Chester.
- Right.
- She work here?
- Our new Style and Idea department...
the head.
Splendid choice, Chester, splendid choice.
- Get her an office.
- Okay.
Here's our semi-annual statement.
- Maybe I'd be better off on a salary.
- I'll say you would.
When you've got a third interest?
Don't kid yourself.
Frazer and I ain't drawing a cent
out of the business either.
It's tough on you boys.
I don't see how you get along.
And besides, Gladstone's copped
the mechanical doll angle already.
- I'll stop it some way, Chester.
- That's gonna be a big help.
Between Gladstone stealing all our stuff...
and you saying there are no profits...
I'm getting pretty well fed up.
But, Chester, think of
the Apollo Deluxe Theater.
- So what?
- They're gonna do prologues.
- Forty houses.
- Have you signed them?
Apolinaris says they're too classy
for our regular stuff.
And Gladstone's hot after the contract.
It's up to you, Chester,
to think up something original.
Gladstone again. That means Thompson.
Well, we'll take care of him.
That's the spirit, Chester.
I knew we could count on you.
Come in.
I'm Charlie Bowers.
- Well?
- Mrs. Gould's brother.
Of course.
Won't you come in, Mr. Bowers?
Yes, thank you.
- Awfully glad you dropped in.
- Yes, same here.
- So sweet of you to say that.
- Yeah.
Gives one the feeling of...
What shall I say?
Esprit de corps.
Yeah, that's the way I feel about it.
Oh, I'd like to ask you, Mr. Bowers...
- Pardon me.
- That's all right. Go too far.
All right, girls, stand up!
Show Mr. Kent your legs.
- Oh, higher, higher.
- This is an audition, not an exhibition.
I'm not a mind reader, you know.
Down, girls.
This audition is to find a girl
to sing a number with Mr. Blair.
- You all got copies of the song?
- All of them.
Sing it for them once, will you, Scotty?
And, Francis, show the routine.
- Just pick up there.
- Watch this very carefully, girls.
Ah, the moon is here
Ah, and we are here
Love is off to a wonderful start
I'm sitting pretty
And you're by my side
I'm well-supplied
Plenty of you, plenty to do
Ah, it feels so grand
When I hold your hand
There's a hop, skip and jump in my heart
What is this funny thing
I can't get too much of?
I've got a feeling it's love
All right. You got the idea, girls? Let's go.
- Now, who's first?
- Mary.
Give us a pickup. Great.
Ah, the moon is here
Ah, and we are here
Sorry. Sorry, little lady. Next.
You're next. Come on.
Pick up there.
I always get in my singing mood
with perfume. Do you mind?
Never mind the smell, honey. Sing.
Ah, the moon is here
Ah, and we are here
Love is off to a wonderful start
Sorry. Sorry, won't do.
Why, I've sung before crowned heads.
You've laid yourself wide open for a crack.
We'll let it go. All right, next.
Come on, you're next. Give us a pickup.
Ah, the moon is here
Ah, and we are here
Love is off to a beautiful start
I'm sitting pretty
You're by my side
I'm well-supplied
Plenty of you, plenty to do
Ah, it feels so grand
When you hold my hand
There's a hop, skip and jump in my heart
What is this funny thing
I can't get too much of?
I've got a feeling it's love
All right, that's it. Get to work, Francis.
- Nice going, kid.
- Thanks.
That's all for the singers.
Dancing girls on the stage.
Hit that again for me, will you?
On the stage, girls, hurry!
Come, dear.
I've come to take you to lunch.
Gee, that's nice of you, Harriet.
I'd love to go, but...
I'm not eating lunch anymore.
I'm in training now.
Well, you can walk with me as far
as Si's office, can't you?
- Si's office? Oh, yeah.
- All right, sweetie pie.
- Have you seen Miss Thorn?
- I think she's gone to lunch.
Oh. Thanks.
What is this funny thing
I can't get too much of?
I've got a feeling it's love
- Have you seen Mr. Blair?
- He's gone to lunch with Mrs. Gould.
He would.
Well, use a short introduction.
Then bring Miss Schubert
out for her number. Yeah.
These wires just came.
No, no, no, do it that way.
Just that way. Yeah.
These wires just came.
I can't look at them now.
I got a date for lunch.
Phone Miss Rich and tell her
I'll be right over, will you?
Miss Rich, please.
Miss Rich? I'm calling for Mr. Kent.
Yes, he won't be able
to have lunch with you.
No, he said you may take
the afternoon off.
He doesn't want you
to strain yourself the first day.
- Hello, hello.
- It's the only vacant seat.
At least you're sitting next to
another good singer.
I'll try not to let it spoil my lunch.
Why, Scott dear, you told me
you stopped eating lunch.
Well, I have. You see, actually,
I'm just having breakfast.
Well, I'll forgive you this time,
you naughty boy.
I'll take spinach.
If I were a man, I wouldn't be a lapdog
tied to any woman's apron strings.
- I might surprise you.
- You probably won't.
Mr. Kent, I wanna quit.
Don't be silly, singers never quit.
They hang on
till somebody knocks them off.
I know, but that's why I wanna quit.
There's no future in singing.
- What do you wanna do?
- I wanna be your assistant.
You haven't filled Thompson's job yet.
I'll work a year for nothing
if you insist on a sample.
You're reading those magazine ads again.
"How I Became President
of the Atlas Pickle Works. "
Give me a chance at the job, will you?
That's all I want.
I know I'll make good. But if I fail-
We'll make-believe you're Mrs. Gould's
relative. Keep you on anyway.
- You've got the job.
- Thanks.
So Mrs. Gould sniveled you
into another job.
I got this absolutely on my own.
Is there any business
you wish to discuss with me?
No, that's the trouble with you.
You're all business. All efficiency.
You're not alive. You're not a bit feminine.
Look at that dress. Look at those glasses.
All you need is a pair
of brown-paper shoes...
and The Atlantic Monthly
tucked under your arm.
Anything else?
That's all. If I need you, I'll send for you.
No, Mr. Kent is busy.
- Nan, are you busy?
- No, just dreaming lazily about life.
Tell me, where do you get your hair done...
and where do you get
all those pretty dresses?
What's the idea?
You're the type men like and-
Know any more funny stories?
Mr. Kent.
Listen, cut a minute out of George's
and then bring the trumpet sextet
up before the Hawaiian number.
See my secretary.
And if you're still overtime...
Wait a minute,
call me back in five minutes.
- No!
- Yes.
The one girl in the place
that showed some sense.
I got sick of looking like a schoolteacher
and I'm sick of working in an office.
I wanna go back on the stage.
It was just a question of time
before this place got to you.
- Did you say she could dance?
- One of the best.
All right. Hold it!
- Hold it!
- Hold it!
Let's see what you can do.
Play something in two-four.
Same thing. Go ahead.
Fine, that's grand.
How'd you like the job
of teaching new kids the routines?
Gee, Mr. Kent, that'd be swell.
All right, job's yours. Oh, Francis...
Miss Thorn is your new assistant.
It can't be done, Mr. Kent, it can't be done.
All right, Miss Thorn, you watch it
from over there, will you?
All right, girls, places.
Another good gal gone wrong.
Come out, come out
Come out and get your loving
Now, don't you keep me in suspense
Come on, come on
We'll do our turtle-doving
Sitting on a backyard fence
Come on, come on
The little stars are peeking
They're waiting for you to commence
Uh-huh, uh-huh
I kinda thought I'd weaken
Sitting on a backyard fence
It may be just another little backyard alley
Off the avenue
But I can see a willow tree,
a moonlit valley
In the dreams I share with you
Meow, meow
The kitty-cat is cooing
He shows a lot of common sense
He knows, he knows
There's always something doing
Sitting on a backyard fence
Come on, come on
Come out and get your loving
Now, don't you keep me in suspense
Come on, come on
We'll do our turtle-doving
Sitting on a backyard fence
Come on, come on
The little stars are peeking
They're waiting for you to commence
Uh-huh, uh-huh
I kinda thought you'd weaken
Sitting on a backyard fence
It may be just another little backyard alley
Off the avenue
But I can see a willow tree,
a moonlit valley
In the dreams I share with you
- Meow!
- Meow!
The kitty-cat is cooing
He shows a lot of common sense
He knows, he knows
There's always something doing
Sitting on a backyard fence
That's all!
Those contortions are pretty vulgar.
One thing after another.
Just a minute.
- You look like a girl I used to know.
- Oh, really?
You're new here, aren't you?
I thought so.
You tried to fool me, didn't you?
But what a change. You're beautiful.
And what a dancer.
Is that all you can say?
Well, how about a little kiss then?
Mrs. Gould's little boy? I should say not.
Chester, you gotta do about
something quick.
The Apollo deal's hot
and Gladstone's after the contract.
Forget Gladstone.
I'll give you something tomorrow
that'll knock Apollo for a loop.
Now all I have to do is think it up.
Maybe we'd better go back to your office.
Yeah, that's right.
Can't keep my mind on the race here.
But, Chester?
I'll pick you up at 6:00.
You're gonna get picked up again.
Old Faithful's gone blank on me.
I thought of a thousand ideas
and every one of them moth-eaten.
If the little girl's not too bold,
how's for me sticking with you to get it.
You could think out loud.
- Like we used to?
- It might help.
- Keep throwing ideas at me.
- And you throw the poor ones right back.
We'll give Apollo a show
if it takes all night.
We'll have dinner, think and walk.
Let's go.
Got something?
It was so old you had to fumigate it.
Say, how about a great big coffee pot,
boys come out, and the girls come out...
and the audience goes out.
I think the jury better go out again.
We could have a band on the stage
and the chorus in the pit.
How about trees?
We've had flowers, pictures...
tables, radios, statues,
more tables, sofas, pianos.
Oh, nerts.
No good for a unit.
Who's speaking? Nan?
Nobody else.
I wouldn't think of waking him.
He's sleeping.
And so was I when you called.
Goodbye, dear.
Move over, Chester, darling.
It can't be out of order.
I just spoke to them.
- How'd you sleep?
- Like a newborn child.
So did I. No ideas, though.
Didn't even dream of one.
Maybe we'd better start all over again.
How do you suppose
an insane asylum idea would go?
I could play the lead myself
without any trouble.
Me, too.
Hey, look at this.
"What happens to
unproduced musical comedies?"
- What does happen to them?
- "They gather dust on the shelves. "
Say, we've got it.
I know we've got it!
- Apolinaris is in the bag.
- What do you mean?
"What happens to
unproduced musical comedies?"
I can tell you
what's gonna happen to them.
We'll put them in picture houses,
- Grand!
- Cut them down to 40 minutes.
Give them a picture
and a musical comedy for 50 cents.
Most picture fans
never saw a musical comedy.
That's the idea. Come on, let's grab a cab!
Instead of 40 people,
our musicals will have 80.
- I'm afraid of it.
- Now, I know it's good. We'll do it.
Sure, we can't miss.
I'll have George Apolinaris
up to dinner tonight.
I'll be there.
He'll be there. Our troubles are over.
There you are, Mr. Apolinaris.
You give them a musical comedy
and a picture, all for 50 cents.
It's good. But somebody beat you to it.
You know Thompson,
Gladstone's director?
- Doing the same thing?
- Sure, same thing.
- But he stole our idea.
- Well, sue him. It ain't my funeral.
Gladstone's got three prologues
in rehearsal.
Gonna show them to me Sunday.
Now here's what I'll do.
You fellows get three started...
but they got to be ready Saturday night.
I'll preview them in three of my houses
around town and get audience reaction.
What I like ain't worth a cent.
What audiences like is worth a million.
- And if the audience likes our stuff?
- You'll get the contract for the whole 40.
If not, I sign with Gladstone.
Give me a good reason why not.
I ate too much.
We'll see Kent and let you know.
That's up to you gents.
Well, so long.
I hope your dinner
shouldn't make me indigestion.
Yeah, well, good night. Good night.
We gotta get hold of Kent.
Try his secretary, she'll know where he is.
Oh, yes, Mr. Frazer.
Well, I may see him later.
Yeah, it'll be late all right,
but I'll surely send him over.
How's the world's best secretary?
- I'll take care of him.
- Looks like you have already.
Here, drink this.
They want you
at Frazer's apartment right away.
Can't be annoyed, can't be annoyed.
Got the greatest news of my life tonight.
Don't tell me you married that chiseler?
I'll thank you not to insult
the future Mrs. Kent.
I'm glad you said "future. "
I always ignore crude persons, dear.
- I'll take care of you later.
- Well, now, wait...
- You got a taxi waiting?
- Always got a taxi waiting.
Now you listen to me.
This is your big chance.
Forty units in deluxe houses.
The whole Apollo circuit.
It's too late for units.
Units to the right of them.
Units to the left of them.
Volleyed and thundered
and lightening and everything.
Come on, now, you get up here!
This is a chance of a lifetime.
All right, all right, I'll go,
but I want you to know I resent this.
How dare you! My fianc.
Now you scram before I wrap a chair
around your neck.
But it's 3:00 a. m.
Where do you want me to go?
- Listen, you cheap stenographer-
- Outside, Countess.
As long as they have sidewalks,
you've got a job.
So you're gonna hire detectives.
A fine pair of quarter-wits
I teamed up with.
Every time I get a great idea,
you let Gladstone steal it.
I've got a hunch
you know something about that.
- I don't know a thing.
- What are you gonna do about it?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna show that big jerk
three prologues by Saturday night...
and we'll stand him on his ear.
I'll give him the greatest show
since he quit the restaurant business.
In three days?
Where'll you get the people?
Right in our own studio.
Use three choruses
and double up on the principals.
It can't be done.
Give me absolute authority
till Saturday night, I'll do it.
- You've got it!
- You got it!
It's done!
We've gotta have three
of the greatest prologues ever put on.
Now, get this.
Somebody working among us
has been giving Gladstone inside dope.
Selling him my ideas.
And for once, I'm gonna put a stop to it.
Now this is the way we're gonna do it.
Nobody leaves here until Saturday night.
You'll eat here and sleep here.
Live three whole days
right here in the studio.
This is war, a blockade.
Anybody comes in, stays in.
- What do you mean, "stays in"?
- Quiet!
Now this is your last chance to get out.
Well? Anybody wanna go?
All right. Thanks. This is a large order.
Three prologues in three nights.
We're gonna work your heads off.
Curse you and break your hearts.
But by Saturday night,
we'll have what we want.
All right. Hop to it.
This is dangerous, Mr. Gould.
Anything might happen.
Suppose a fire broke out.
Locking us in like this.
He can't do it.
Let me know just as soon as it's done.
Did you check that measure
I told you about?
All girls in this number
to the rehearsal hall.
Come on, girls.
Come on, get ready.
Come on, honey, be reasonable, will you?
She and I are all washed up
and you know it.
Yeah, but does Mrs. Gould know it?
It was awfully nice of you
to bring me in here, really.
Come along, Barrington.
I'll introduce you to the stage director.
Thanks ever so much.
Please sit down right here.
I want you to meet Mr. Barrington.
Here's the man you want to see.
See, what did I tell you?
- It does look like Independence Day.
- Let's celebrate.
Now, there. Look at that.
How can you expect to keep up
a high moral tone with that going on?
I'm awfully glad to have played
love's little messenger...
and brought you two together.
But do you realize
there's work to be done?
Well, we were just...
Would you mind saving about
that much of loving for the act?
We can use it. You're in two prologues.
Miss Thorn, you're in all three.
So how about it?
Is there anything I could do?
- Yeah. See that window over there?
- Yes.
Take a running jump
and I think you can make it.
Come on, fellows, this way.
Bring it down the hall. That's it. That way.
Come on, kids! Come and get it!
Go on, let her go.
I'm terribly worried, Doctor.
- Quiet, will you!
- There's nothing the matter with you.
I feel, Doctor, that I'm gonna have
a dreadful heart attack. You just listen.
Did you hear that? Oh, I am not all right!
That's enough. Who's next?
- I'm next.
- Here.
Three prologues in such a short time.
It can't be done, it can't be done.
Get to bed, girls.
- Good night, kids.
- Good night.
I just wanted to be sure
you're all safe in bed. Good night.
Good night.
Wake up, gang!
When do we eat?
- Truckload of breakfast just arrived.
- All right!
Rehearsal in 20 minutes.
Left, right!
One, two, three, four!
Come on, kids. Come and get it.
One, two, three, four!
One, two, three...
I don't care if you wrote the doxology.
Mr. Kent won't see anyone till Monday.
Chester, it's like being in jail.
- Sorry, dear, better get used to it.
- She is used to it.
But how about
our engagement ring, darling?
Get it for you Saturday night.
All right, sweet.
I wouldn't beef about being locked up
with the man I love.
Hello? Yes. Yes, I'll tell him.
Apolinaris says your prologue goes on
at the Jupiter Theatre 9:00 tonight.
How about the other two?
Mercury Theatre at 10:00,
the Diana Theatre at 11:00.
Looks like we're in the laps
of the Greek gods.
- You worried?
- Well...
that water nymph number will
empty the theater like a stench bomb.
There's still time to change it.
It's too late and I'm too tired.
Every time I fool with it,
I ruin it some more.
Old Faithful's gone blank
on me completely.
Hey, wait a minute.
This is Mr. Kent's private office.
How nice. I'm Mrs. Kent.
And I'm Lydia Pinkham. Outside.
Do you know this dizzy dame?
Yeah, I still have nightmares about her.
She used to be my wife.
Still is, Chester, dear.
- You went to Reno.
- I was going.
- Somehow, I never got around to it.
- I see.
- You heard I was in the money.
- Exactly.
- What kept you away so long?
- I was in Europe.
- And who paid for that?
- That's my affair.
I understand you're all steamed up
about a Miss Vivian Rich.
- And what's that to you?
- I can make plenty of trouble.
- All right, come on, come on. How much?
- $25,000 worth.
You might as well ask for $25 million.
I work for a living.
You can have till 4:00 this afternoon.
Then my lawyer and I start shooting.
Wait a minute.
Here's a pass for the cop at the gate.
I wouldn't want you to have
any trouble getting out.
Well, here's where I go to the cleaners.
Maybe I can do something about it.
You mean raise that dough?
What are you gonna do, print it?
Never mind. I've got an idea.
Keep it to yourself
or the wife'll cash in on it.
And when I get an idea
I do something about it.
Most dames do.
By a waterfall
I'm calling you
I want to talk to Scotty.
You can't come in here
and break up my rehearsal this way.
- Mr. Kent's orders.
- Hold it! Come here, Scotty.
Were you on the level
when you said that...
Frazer and Gould
were holding out on Mr. Kent?
- You know Mrs. Gould, she talks a lot.
- Anything we can prove?
Just suspicions, but I sort of
put two and two together.
That's what I'm gonna do and make 25.
Back to your places, girls!
- You've been gypping him for months.
- You're raving.
No, just investigating.
And my knowledge is worth money.
It's out and out robbery
and that's a crime in any country.
- If our accountant made a mistake?
- Mr. Kent will let the jury decide.
Bonjour, darling.
Just got some tough news, Vivian.
My wife showed up.
You mean your ex-wife.
- My wife. She never got the divorce.
- What do you mean?
Now listen, baby.
It's just one of those things.
You've gotta be patient.
- Young lady, you're on the wrong track.
- What do you want?
To keep my mouth shut? $25,000.
If I tell Kent,
he'll walk out and you know it.
- You can't bluff us.
- What makes you think I'm bluffing?
Young woman.
You see, darling, that's the way it is.
You promised to marry me
and you're going to marry me.
But I can't get rid of her.
She wants $25,000.
Listen, you silly-looking baboon,
who do you think you're running around?
- Some little punk from the sticks?
- What's this?
I wrote the book
and I know all the answers.
Well, well...
- The cultured Miss Rich.
- Not cultured, just smart.
Smart enough to sue
and attach everything but your garters.
That's nice to know.
I'd rather have you sue me than marry me.
Mr. Kent, there is a Santa Claus.
$25,000 and made out to you!
Endorsed to Chester Kent.
Take it and ask no questions.
There's something phony here.
How'd you get it?
- Blackmail.
- Come on, spill it.
I played a pair of deuces
like four aces and they paid.
Frazer and Gould
have been holding out on me.
Bookkeeping mistake.
- Where are you going?
- Where do you think?
Hello, Chester.
- So you double-crossed me.
- A book-keeping mistake.
I slave day and night for you.
What do I get?
You stab me in the back!
Me, the guy who made this place!
Killed myself so you chuckle-headed apes
could get rich.
We'll straighten it out.
Go and get somebody else
to double-cross.
- What about Apolinaris?
- Stick him in your rear.
And that wood nymph prologue
has got no chance the way it stands.
- What do we do?
- Fix it yourselves, you two wonder men.
Chester, you've gotta stay on the job!
You can't do this to us! Chester!
- Just a moment, you can't go out there.
- The orders are wrong.
Now wait a minute. Listen!
- Where to, mister?
- Anywhere, just keep going.
- Let's go back, boss.
- For what?
They'll never get Apollo if you quit.
The three of them can open
a peanut stand together.
No! No! No! Wait a minute.
Try it again.
Hey, Mr. Francis, Kent has quit.
- What?
- He can't do that.
He took the brains
on the drive with him under his hat.
I knew it couldn't be done.
I knew it couldn't be done.
Let's go home.
When Apolinaris hears, he wouldn't sign
if we gave him Garbo on roller skates.
Prologues, prologues, prologues.
I'm fed up.
Fighting for ideas and chained
to that office, morning, noon and night.
And the third prologue, it's rotten.
But boss...
Pull up!
Hey, lend me that brush, will you?
Just a minute. Lend me that.
Hey, wait a minute! Hey!
Wait a minute! Hey, you!
Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
What do you think you're trying to do?
That's my name
and I don't want it up there.
- Yeah, you're full of hooch, are you?
- Let go.
Look at that.
That's what that
wood nymph prologue needs.
A mountain waterfall
splashing on beautiful white bodies.
- You get it?
- I have ideas, too, Mr. Kent.
- All right, well, come on!
- Yeah, come on.
Sorry, gents. Without Kent
your prologues ain't worth a nickel.
He's coming back in a little while.
I can't wait very long.
I've got a date with the Gladstone.
Where do you think you're going?
Come on, get back in! Everybody back in!
Come on.
Hold everything. Everybody stand by.
Lock that gate. Nobody in, nobody out.
- Same as before?
- Same as before.
Listen, get back to work.
That third prologue has changed.
All the dance routines are shifted.
Only this time, it's gonna be good.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Go on, get to work.
That's impossible, Mr. Kent.
It can't be done!
All right, children,
back to the rehearsal hall.
It can't be done. No, it can't be done.
Look, smallpox, I got the money.
But I want a release.
Here, give her that when she signs.
I won't take a check.
You'll stop payment on it.
Throw her a herring.
Say, that gives me an idea.
How about shiny fish
jumping out of the water?
Swell. Come around Friday.
Say, listen...
What's this? I thought you quit!
- Everything's off.
- It's on.
Here's your customer.
Got him on the way out. Hold onto him.
Keep him here
if you have to tie an anchor to him.
I'll see you later.
- What about that accounting mistake?
- Mistake, your Aunt Fannie.
- We're giving you a new deal.
- Yeah, and I'm the dealer.
Mr. Kent.
- Do you like to look at funny pictures?
- What do you mean?
I hope it looks as good as it sounds.
Well, well, just folks.
Don't mind us.
We just dropped in for a laugh.
- This is all a mistake.
- Right, sister, and you're it.
I was just showing Miss Rich
what you can't do in Kalamazoo.
You won't need that lawyer.
Your breach of promise suit
is right in the ash can.
And you're my witness.
I certainly have a genius
for picking dames to fall for.
- You said it, papa.
- Maybe you better help me next time.
What do you think I've been doing?
Mr. Kent, seeing all these girls
gives me a lot of ideas.
- And don't let them keep you awake.
- No.
Look, suppose I quit my job
and work for you?
Wait till Saturday.
I may be working for you.
Hold it! That's where your song comes in!
- How's Barrington?
- I'm a little worried.
Only a little worried? He must be colossal.
He is, but maybe he'll improve.
Well, you can start worrying
all over again.
All the stuff you've done
in this prologue is out.
Here's the new stuff
and it goes on tonight.
No. No. This is the straw
that breaks the camel's back.
Mr. Kent, I cannot and I will not
try the impossible.
Come on, baby, wind yourself up.
After all, I'm only a human being.
I'm not a superman.
And even if I were, it couldn't be done.
Mr. Kent, I resign.
I accept. You're through.
You accept?
Do you realize
that leaves me without a job?
And after I've worked myself
to the bone for you?
Come on, kids.
I'm putting this prologue on myself.
Line up. You're through.
All right kids, come on.
Come on, girls. Hurry, girls!
Hurry, please!
The bus leaves in 10 minutes.
Will you hurry?
Come on, girls, hurry up! Step it up!
I ate my dinner too fast. I got indigestion.
Come on!
In here! In here!
Here, girls. Take it away!
How am I to say what I want to say
In the proper way, my dear?
I'm not a gallant cavalier
But I'm sincere
So I'm gonna say what I have to say
In the language of the day
You may have heard it all before
But here it goes once more
How about a little celebration
To the jingle of a wedding bell?
How about a little reservation
At the Honeymoon Hotel?
Honeymooning's gonna be my hobby
Don't you think a honeymoon is swell?
Wait until we walk into the lobby
Of the Honeymoon Hotel
Cupid is the night clerk
'Neath the stars above
He just loves his night work
We just love to love
Oh, I'm a mister looking for a missus
As a missus, you'll do very well
Bring along your things and all your kisses
To the Honeymoon Hotel
I'm the man in charge of transportation
I will see that everything goes well
I'm the clerk in charge of registration
At the Honeymoon Hotel
I'm the boy who carries up a seidel
Anytime you push a little bell
Bridal suites are never very idle
At the Honeymoon Hotel
We're the house detectives
But we're puzzled with
The fact that no one stops here
Unless their name is Smith
I'm the girl in charge of conversation
I hear things I wouldn't dare to tell
I'm the captain of the conversation
At the Honeymoon Hotel
Paging Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith.
Aren't you glad to see
your dear old mother?
Tell me why you didn't let us know?
No, they didn't notify us, Mother
But they will
when they need dough, oh, yes
Aunt Matilda has a present for you
It will come in handy, you can bet
We got that just 20 years before you
But it ain't been used as yet
Congratulations, sister
All your clouds have passed
Congratulations, Father
She's off your hands at last
Of course you know
that all of you are welcome
I'm so glad to see you I could cry
It's a lot of hooey that we're welcome
We'll be seeing you, goodbye
I've been notified there's a little bride
All alone in number two
I think we ought to see her through
I will
Me, too
We've been here a week
When you're here a week
then you're qualified to speak
Let's tell her what it's all about
My dear, will you come out?
Oh, I'm glad it's you. I feel so nervous
I don't know my husband very well
Husbands are a feature of the service
At the Honeymoon Hotel
Gee, I'm sorry that I ever, ever
Left my little home in New Rochelle
Wait a while, you'll want to stay forever
At the Honeymoon Hotel
Girls, you'll have to scatter
We don't see why we should
You're in Jersey City
And not in Hollywood
We've got to be in bed before 11.:00
Naturally, we think that's very swell
'Cause every little bridal suite is heaven
At the Honeymoon Hotel
Kiss your little honey-boy good night, girl
Now we're married, dear, and here we are
I've the right to be beside the right girl
But you're in the wrong boudoir
Oh, honey!
Don't you dare to lie to me, I caught you
But darling
Getting friendly with that blonde gazelle
Please don't make me sorry
that I brought you
To the Honeymoon Hotel
In the morning I'll see my attorney
I will have my little tale to tell
And for this I took you on this journey
To the Honeymoon Hotel
Who was that blond woman
Making eyes at you?
I don't know that woman
I cross my heart it's true
If I hurt your feelings I regret it
Won't you please forgive your little Nell?
Let's put out the lights and just forget it
Got gas pains.
Come on, let's go.
Come on. Come on, girls.
Hurry up. Come on, girls.
Well, if this doesn't get him, nothing will.
I appreciate the simple things
'Cause I'm awfully fond of getting
Love in a natural setting
This is what I call the simple things
Just a winding stream
Where I can drift and dream
And when I'm waiting
For you
By a waterfall
I'm calling you
We can share it all
Beneath a ceiling of blue
We'll spend a heavenly day
Here where the whispering waters play
There's a whippoorwill that's calling
By a waterfall
He's dreaming, too
There's a magic melody
Mother Nature sings to me
Beside a waterfall
With you
By a waterfall
I'm calling you-hoo-hoo-hoo
We can share it all
Beneath a ceiling of blue
We'll spend a heavenly day
Here where the whispering waters play
There's a whippoorwill that's calling
By a waterfall he's dreaming, too
There's a magic melody
Mother Nature sings to me
Beside a waterfall with you
By a waterfall
I'm calling you-hoo-hoo-hoo
We can share it all
Beneath a ceiling of blue
We'll spend a heavenly day
Here where the whispering waters play
Beneath the willow there's a whippoorwill
That's calling you-hoo-hoo-hoo
By a waterfall he's dreaming, too
There's a magic melody
Mother Nature sings to me
Beside a waterfall with you
By a waterfall
I'm calling you
We can share it all
'Neath skies of blue
We'll spend a heavenly day
Here where the whispering waters play
Beneath the willow
There's a whippoorwill that's calling
By a waterfall he's dreaming, too
There's a magic melody
Mother Nature sings to me
Beside a waterfall with you
There's a whippoorwill that's calling
By a waterfall he's dreaming, too
There's a magic melody
Mother Nature sings to me
- Did you like it, George?
- Tell you later.
Now I've got indigestion.
Well, so far so good.
Now this last prologue's up to you
and Joe Barrington.
- Where is Joe?
- He's waiting for us at the theater.
Don't worry, boss. Joe will do his best.
He'll have to do better than that.
Well, this tells the story.
Cheer up, boss.
Everything's gonna be all right.
You stick close to Apolinaris
and keep feeding him bicarbonate.
I've got to give Barrington a pep talk.
Hello, Mr. Apolinaris. Enjoying yourself?
I shouldn't have ate pie and salami.
- Oh, let me get you some bicarbonates.
- I just had some. Don't help me none.
Honey, how about a prologue honeymoon?
- I'll sign now.
- We'll make love in 40 cities.
And then start all over again.
If Apollo signs.
Well, he'd better.
Come on, girls! Come on!
Hello, Mr. Kent.
Come on, get with it.
You've got to get on here.
He was nervous
so I gave him a little drink.
Oh, yeah?
My regards to Thompson.
I can't do it. I tell you I can't.
I've only appeared
in amateur performances.
- An amateur!
- Yes, sir.
Well, I might have known it.
That's our call, you go on.
If it's cold you go back
to that amateur league on crutches.
- I'm too nervous.
- Get on! Get out there and do it!
- I can't do it. I tell you I'm sick.
- I'll wrap this around your neck.
- What do you want to do, boss?
- Bring up that curtain!
Bring it up, Joe. Places, everybody!
All right, that's you!
- No, I can't! I won't go on!
- You better go on!
Looking for your Shanghai Lil?
No, she ain't your Shanghai Lil.
Don't give him flowers.
He'll just take your flowers
straight to Shanghai Lil.
No, I ain't seen Shanghai Lil.
Hello, Bailey, you old goon.
Where'd you get that monkey suit?
Don't tell anyone you saw me
or I'll wrap you in the snoot.
Hey, you jumped ship.
Now what's your game?
Just looking for a dame.
- Staying here you're taking chances.
- Yeah?
Well, I'll stay just the same.
I've covered every little highway
And I've been climbing every hill
I've been looking high
And I've been looking low
Looking for my Shanghai Lil
The stars that hang high over Shanghai
Bring back the memory of a thrill
I've been looking high
And I've been looking low
Looking for my Shanghai Lil
I learned to love her
The little devil was just
A butterfly
But you discover something on the level
Shining in her eye
Oh, I've been trying to forget her
But what's the use? I never will
I'll be looking high
And I'll be looking low
Looking for my Shanghai Lil
I've got to have another brandy
He's shaking like he's got a chill
I know what it takes
To cure him of the shakes
Oh, what he wants is Shanghai Lil
Oh, she's a fascinating heathen
But say she ain't been through the mill
Since she met that cub
She's acting like a snob
Say, who the heck is Shanghai Lil?
That tiny devil!
No, she's on the level
She can't hurt you and me
That oriental dame is detrimental
To our industry
You said it!
I offered her a house in London
And I a chateau in Deville
She said she won't be mine
For all of Palestine
They all go for Shanghai Lil
Come on, let's drink to Lil
He's looking for her still
Drink her down to Shanghai Lil
Cheers! To the lovely gal
who loves the sailors
Here's hoping that she always will
She's every sailor's pal
She's anybody's gal
Drink it down to Shanghai Lil
He can knock them down
And he can lay them low
Fighting for his
Shanghai Lil!
I miss you very much a long time
I think that you no love me still
I've been looking high
And I've been looking low
Looking for you, Shanghai Lil
I think you go with other sweethearts
And very many tears I spill
He's been looking high
And he's been looking low
Looking for you, Shanghai Lil
I got new lover
You little devil!
You're just a butterfly
I like new lover
You're still on the level
You can't kid this guy
I pray to Buddha in the Josh house
And Buddha he bring back my Bill
He's been looking high
And he's been looking low
Looking for you, Shanghai Lil
Left then right. Hut!
Forward then right. Hut!
File and left. Hut!
Right, left. Hut!
Company halt!
Oh, please you take me
On great big steamboat with you
Across the sea?
I'd like to take you
But that great big steamboat
Don't belong to me
The stars that hang high over Shanghai
Bring back the memory of a thrill
I've been looking high
And I've been looking low
Looking for my Shanghai Lil
I learned to love her
The little devil
Was just a butterfly
But you discover something on the level
Shining in her eye
Oh, I've been trying to forget her
But what's the use? I never will
I've been looking high
And I've been looking low
If I find my
Shanghai Lil
I knew we could do it!
- You did it, boss!
- You mean we did it.
Come on, take a bow!
Let's go to my office.
I'll fill out the contract.
You don't have to. I've got one right here.
You would.
I've got a great idea.
Take another bow.
I can't see, gentlemen.
This idea's for a wedding!
- For a unit?
- No, for you and me.
- Come on, take another bow.
- Take it yourself.
- You like it?
- Whatever you say, boss.
I'll make you love it.