For Keeps? (1988) Movie Script
Well, it looks like, could be
and probably is a little after 7 a.m...
...on a sleepy Saturday morning
in Kenosha...
...which, right now, is as lively as any
other town in the world at 7 a.m.
Except here, a cool jock
with hot rock...
...me, Laid-back Larry, in the mind
of mellow Middle America...
...happening for you early-rising
lovers of life, love...
...and the pursuit of music,
rain or shine.
And the rain is coming.
Light showers predicted...
...clearing this afternoon.
Now, from the top
of the charts, the beautiful--
Darcy, Lila's here.
Hi, Mrs. Elliot.
-Darcy, we're gonna be late.
-I know. I'm almost done.
Is that your article
on Senator Proxmire?
-I thought you mailed it.
-I'm excited for you girls!
-A weekend at a college!
-You didn't mail it?
That press conference
last night changed everything.
-I hate this stupid thing!
-Are you done?
I know Darcy would love me
to come...
...but I have to work if Darcy and I
are gonna go to Paris.
-That's what she said. Come on.
-I'm done. I'll mail it on the road.
The news said it was gonna rain,
but it looks nice out to me.
So you're gonna be staying
in a dorm?
I'm not prying.
You're entitled to your space.
Mother. You're standing
in my space.
Oh. Okay, give me a kiss.
Come on.
-Have fun.
-Bye-bye.
Maybe you'll meet some
university men, huh, girls?
Right, Mom.
I wouldn't mind you meeting
some new boys.
There, I've said it.
Mom, what time do you have
to be at work?
Oh, yeah, I guess
I better get going.
You drive carefully, Lila.
Why didn't I think of that?
Call me if you meet
someone special.
You guys. So romantic,
you two going off together.
Spending the night together.
-Got the map?
-Got the map.
Alone together for the first time.
-Tapes?
-In the car. Thermos?
-Full. Thanks for covering me.
-Don't worry about it.
-See you tomorrow, pal.
-Bye, guys.
How long is it gonna take
to get there?
About two hours.
If we don't, you know, stop.
What if we do, you know, stop?
We may never get there.
-Maybe we shouldn't have stopped.
-Yeah.
-Oh, but what if I'm late?
-I won't let you be late.
Well, I guess a little late
wouldn't hurt, huh?
I love you, Darcy.
I love you, Stan.
I'm so nervous.
What if he doesn't like my stuff?
-He's gonna love it.
-They say he's the toughest editor.
-You're the best.
-If he doesn't ask...
...for what you write,
you won't work on the paper.
He's not gonna ask.
He's gonna beg.
He's gonna get on his knees
and say:
"Darcy Elliot, please send us
every word you write."
Yeah, what if he doesn't?
God, my socks are still wet.
Fascinating.
Your state representative actually
spoke at your school assembly?
Did you read what he said?
He really gave it to our mayor.
"Swampy soccer field
flooded with frogs"?
A couple thousand of them.
I asked the
Department of Agriculture.
Their water table had risen,
so the eggs didn't dry up--
That's quite a story.
I hope The Washington Post
picked that one up.
Look, Donald, this sounds like
small potatoes to you--
It's Ronald.
Excuse me. Ronald.
The frogs were big news
at my school...
...and in Kenosha, where I live
and find my stories.
Know Mike Royko?
He writes about Chicago.
Fran Lebowitz writes about New York.
I write about Kenosha.
Tell you what. Send me what
you write this year.
We'll see what we can do.
I like your passion.
-Thanks.
-Are you going here too?
Caltech, architecture.
-If my scholarship comes through.
-He'll get it.
So you'll be here,
and he'll be in California?
-We'll manage.
-Live for holidays and vacations?
-You know it.
-Right. Thanks, Ronald.
Thanks, Beth. Bye.
To be young again.
-Piece of shit.
-So incredible.
I can't believe it looks exactly
like your design.
My mom did the hard work,
the stitching.
And I can't believe
you added a skylight.
And...
...it's removable.
I wish we had some
marshmallows.
Yeah, so do l.
-But I do have a surprise for you.
-You have a surprise?
Yeah. Close your eyes.
Oh, I love surprises.
-What is it?
-I can't tell you.
-Can I open my eyes?
-Not in this forest.
Can I open one eye?
-Can I have a hint?
-Put out your hand.
Oh, that's so sweet.
When'd you get them?
Before we left.
-You're so romantic.
-Here's to forever.
And always.
You know, maybe they were right.
About us.
What are you talking about?
I mean, I don't know,
maybe it's not gonna work out.
Why?
People change and drift apart.
Not us. We're different.
-Yeah?
-You bet, yeah.
Do you think
we could live in a tent?
I mean, not forever,
just on a permanent basis.
-You and me?
-Yeah.
I think we could live anywhere.
As long as it had a skylight.
And maybe a Jacuzzi.
I've never seen so many stars.
Beautiful.
Did you see that?
Did you make a wish?
Did you?
Can you think of another way
to say "hygiene"?
Hello, Gene.
"Cleanliness," that's good.
Can I have half?
I'm sorry.
-Teenage lust.
-Uh-oh, sex patrol.
When you start to like boys,
do you have to chew their gum?
Your brother's gum is
the first gum I ever chewed.
-Is that what love is?
-It's a start.
-But you're pals too, right?
-Yeah.
-What's a "panimonial" suit?
-We're home!
Thank God! Your daughter wants
to know what a palimony suit is.
-Where does she get that stuff?
-Dr. Ruth.
-Why do you let her watch Dr. Ruth?
-You let her watch.
-Dr. Ruth is funny.
-I'll tell you what palimony is, Mary--
Palimony is when a man gives
a woman the best years of his life...
...and she has the nerve
to want money.
Not just women.
A man in Beverly Hills...
...sued his girlfriend for
half of her tanning salon.
Stay for dinner.
We have glumpkies.
-I'd love to, but it's Thursday.
-Oh, yeah. French night.
-French night!
-Come with me to the Casbah.
-What's a Casbah?
-We have french fries.
-French dressing.
-The french toast.
-And for dessert....
-We've got ice cream. French vanilla.
And french kissing. With gum.
Come on, Darcy.
There's more to life than Big Macs.
-Well?
-Your job is looking out for your mom.
Okay, it was red,
and now it's pink.
"If there's a change from the original
color, it indicates a positive result."
Positive! So it's positive.
Not positive, good.
Positive, bad.
It's just defective.
We'll take it back.
We'll get another one
and do it again.
Darcy, it's not defective.
Look, my dad's a doctor.
I know about these things.
I can't believe this.
I've been taking the pill forever.
What am I gonna do?
Yo, Stan, thanks for the cleanup.
I owe you one, kid.
-Hi, Mr. Bobrucz.
-Oh, hey! Darcy Elliot.
Kenosha's star reporter.
Are you doing one of those...
...expos stories
on bunions across America?
Hey! No smooching
back there, now.
-lt'll set off the sprinklers.
-Good night, Dad.
I'm going. I'm going.
Boy, you look happy.
If I put your smiling face outside
the store, I'd get a lot more customers.
I know, you got a B plus
on your French exam, right?
-It can't be that bad.
-It is that bad.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Are you sure?
-When was your last period?
-Two months ago.
Two months? I thought
you were taking the pill.
Well, I'm irregular, okay?
That's why I started taking the pill,
to regulate my periods.
My doctor put me on it
when I was 14, and once I forgot.
And then I doubled the next day
just like I was supposed to.
-You said you started taking it for me.
-Well, I lied, okay?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie.
I would've started for you...
...if I wasn't already taking it.
I didn't tell you...
...because I didn't want you
to think I was easy.
We waited two and a half years.
Why would I think you were easy?
-This is all my fault.
-Hey.
It's not like you were there
by yourself, you know?
I never thought it would happen
like this.
I knew it'd be you, I knew that much,
but like this...
...surrounded by Hush Puppies.
-Lisa Jordan had two already.
-I heard Marilyn Monroe had 13.
-Who's Lisa Jordan?
-She sits behind you in calculus.
-Still, it's no big deal.
-Look, this is Darcy's decision.
-It's her life.
-Oh, her life.
-It's her body.
-Stan and I are going to California!
What's he do with his body,
stay home and babysit?
-Cute.
-We can give it up for abortion.
-Adoption.
-That's what I said.
-That's what he said.
-No, he said, abortion.
-No, I said, adoption.
-I heard you, Stan. Loud and clear.
Well, you heard me wrong, okay?
Okay.
-You went out with Stan Bobrucz?
-So?
-You're lying.
-I am not. We were in seventh grade.
-We were children.
-Yeah, weren't we all?
Since then, he's gotten so mature.
So deep.
-Michaela, you're so bad.
-You want to know bad?
Tying a guy down before he's old
enough to buy a drink.
You won't read about Darcy getting
knocked up in her precious paper.
So I'll just write it on the wall.
I love it when the smart kids
turn out to be so stupid.
I'm almost into my second trimester.
We have to tell them.
-It's not gonna go away.
-Don't worry. We'll figure it out.
It doesn't make sense to tell them
until we decide what to do.
Besides, it's Thanksgiving.
How can you tell them now?
I was thinking, "I'm pregnant.
Can you pass the turnips?"
-Look, we'll talk about it--
-Come on, kids. Dinner.
It's a beautiful turkey, Mrs. Bobrucz.
-Thanks.
-Hey, stick.
Know what your cousin
says about Caltech?
-What'd he say?
-Every student has his own computer.
Believe that? It wasn't like that
when I didn't go to school.
I hope you like my stuffing.
The French do a wonderful thing
with stuffing.
Apples, grapes and raisins.
Right, honey?
How creative.
In this country, we don't call
that stuffing. We call it fruit.
-Honey? Grace.
-Grace.
-Anybody can do it.
-Only a doctor can do it.
No talking during grace, huh?
I'm telling Mary that only
a doctor can do an abortion--
That's not true! Right, Daddy?
Where'd you hear a word like that?
-Mary said it.
-Lou said it.
You know the rules in this house.
No lying.
Where'd you hear that?
Well, all right!
I'm gonna ask you one more time!
Where did you hear that word?
I'm pregnant.
Can you pass the turnips?
Abortion is not a dirty word.
It's a medical solution.
Abortion is not a dirty word.
It's a medical solution.
You can forget about abortion!
This kid's going up for adoption!
-That's that!
-You've never heard of choice.
Why would you?
It's not a four-letter word.
What the hell does that mean?
Look, I know you think you're in love.
I thought I was in love once too.
When's the last time we saw
your father or a check?
Honey, promise me
you won't have this baby!
-The whole world is your oyster!
-What about my son's oysters?
He has a career ahead of him,
designing schools, churches and shit!
We're going to Paris next summer.
-If we could just discuss--
-Butt out! We're deciding your future!
Honey, do you know how many people
would love to adopt a baby?
Don't be stupid!
That takes care of Stan.
Hey, call your daughter stupid!
She got herself in trouble!
-Dad!
-Oh, she got herself pregnant?!
-Hallelujah! It's another virgin birth!
-Let's not drag the church into this.
Why not? Your husband wants
to hide my daughter in a convent...
...so she won't embarrass your family.
Gonna do this every time Stan
gets a girl pregnant?
-Let's keep it.
-Grow up! You had a gerbil.
You forgot to feed it. It died.
This kid's going up for adoption!
Period!
Darcy won't lug this baby
and get stretch marks...
-...so you can give it to charity.
-Mom, what are stretch marks?
Stretch marks are the badge
of a real woman.
You are an unreasonable,
uncivilized peasant!
You can take your French fruit
and stuff it up your big bird!
Okay, that's it. This family
has made its decision.
We'll call Dr. Barrick and have this
taken care of. There. Done. Darcy?
Thanks for dinner.
-Bye.
-I'll call you.
Darcy!
Mom?
You never told me Stan's gerbil died.
You said he ran away!
This is the smartest thing you've ever
done. It leaves all the options open.
I'll get off work early to be here
when you get home.
We can pretend this whole thing
never happened.
I still think I should go with you.
Mom, we've already settled this.
Lila's going with me.
Stan's picking me up
and taking me to the clinic.
Great, Stan. Okay.
Well, you'll be in and out of there,
honey, you'll see.
Come here.
You okay?
Just thank God you got such
an understanding mother, huh?
Bye.
So this is the right thing, right?
We said we want to do what's right.
Right?
Guys.
I gotta go.
Call me when you get home.
I'll come over, okay?
Okay. Everything's gonna be fine.
I know it.
-I love you.
-I love you too.
Bye. I love you.
Okay.
Okay.
It doesn't seem to want to fit,
Mrs. Sitwell.
Are you sure this is a 5-112?
Definitely, Mrs. Sitwell.
Maybe we should try a size 6, huh?
Not on your life! I wear a 5-112.
Oh, I remember, Mrs. Sitwell.
You know...
...there's something wrong
with that shoe.
-Wrong with it?
-Maybe.
I'll see if I have a larger 5-112.
Be right back.
-I'm in a bit of a hurry.
-I'll be back in a jiff, Mrs. Sitwell.
I was thinking about it all day.
Having a kid didn't sound so bad.
Someday we're gonna do it.
-We'll get married--
-I didn't do it.
-What?
-I didn't. I tried about 10 times.
I tried to be practical about it.
Then I tried to be casual.
I tried to pretend I was in a hurry.
Just nothing worked.
So now I'm here.
-So you didn't do it.
-I know it makes sense to do it.
I didn't feel like I thought
I would feel about it.
It's not a bad thing. But when I think
about us, I want to have it.
What do you think?
I can go back tomorrow.
No way! We're gonna
have this kid, Darce.
You and me. A Bobrucz
with red hair and your lips.
We'll do it.
What did Hemingway say?
-"You just have to grab for the gusto."
-Beer commercial.
-Well, he said it too!
-I love you, Darcy.
-Can we do it?
-Of course! Our parents did it.
-We were gonna do it anyway.
-We'll do it sooner.
-Right!
-Is this The Sonny and Cher Show?
Mrs. Sitwell would like
her other shoe back.
So she can leave.
-So when do we tell our folks?
-Do we have to tell them?
-Probably.
-Okay, soon.
The sooner the better.
What do you think of that, Donna?
You better like that!
Like it? I'm stunned.
Yeah, that's the Eiffel Tower.
You plug it in.
It lights up, just like the real one.
I know just where I'd like to put this.
Thank you for the belt, Mrs. Bobrucz.
I saw that in the store, I said to myself,
"Who has a waist that little?"
Our Darcy!
She gets that type of a figure
from her mother.
Now, Donna...
...Merry Christmas.
-Now we're gonna have a toast.
-Thank you.
-Dad, what about us?
-Are you kidding?
Sure, I always get my children loaded
on Christmas.
There's yours.
There's yours. Go out to the icebox,
get yourself some ginger ale.
It's great Stan and Darcy
got us together.
Today, we gonna let
bygones be bygones.
I think even Donna will go along
with me on this one.
There is nothing-- I mean
absolutely nothing like family.
Darcy? Honey?
-Merry Christmas, sweetie.
-Merry Christmas, Stan.
Merry Christmas, honey.
Okay. To family.
After all, this was the day Mary
and Joseph started their little family.
That's funny you should mention that.
Here's the thing.
-We're gonna have one too.
-What?
-A family. Darcy and l.
-Oh, well, yeah. Good, great.
God bless you. Someday.
I mean, now.
What the hell are you talking about?
What Stan is trying to say is...
...we've decided to keep the baby.
-You lied.
-No, I didn't lie!
When you asked me how it went,
I said that it wasn't so bad.
But you didn't do anything!
-That's why it wasn't so bad.
-We haven't worked out the details.
Work out this detail! Your future's
going right in the toilet!
We were gonna do it anyway.
We're starting our future now.
-What future?
-We married young.
Yeah, because we were kids!
We could raise the baby
until they finish school.
-Are you nuts?
-We wanna raise our baby.
We'll get an apartment by ourselves
and fix it up nice.
And Stan won't go to Caltech!
He'll spend his life stuffing fat feet
into little shoes!
-It's not gonna be like that, Dad!
-You'll blow the chance of a lifetime!
-Darcy Elliot, this is an act of defiance!
-You don't understand!
-We love each other!
-Young lady...
...learn to keep your mouth shut
and your legs crossed!
You bastard! Don't you ever
talk to her like that again!
-You get out! You get out of my house!
-I left! You didn't throw me out! I left!
Don't come back here looking
for a handout!
Darcy, I should have forbid you
to see him.
-Mother.
-It was a mistake.
-What about Paris?
-Mother, shut up!
Darcy, you come back here!
You are grounded!
Hey, wait up!
-Where are you going?
-With you!
Go back in before
you get in more trouble.
I can't. I just told
my mother to shut up.
-You told you mother to shut up?
-I did. I swear.
Get in the car.
I wish I had a Polaroid of her face.
All right, with cash,
both savings accounts....
My sweet-16 card from Aunt Rene.
-My Christmas club.
-Six gift certificates to McDonald's.
We got...
...$927 and six Big Macs.
Nine hundred and
twenty-seven dollars?
We're practically rich!
-What more can we possibly need?
-More money.
More money.
No pets, no loud music.
Any parties after 10, you're out.
Rent's due first of the month.
I don't get it, you're out.
No drinking, no drugs.
I catch you with drugs, you're out.
-Any questions?
-Yeah. What's that?
A Jacuzzi.
So, what do you think?
It's different.
-It's big.
-Big.
All it needs is a little paint...
-...a little imagination--
-And a bed.
Just grab from the bottom.
It's heavy. You said this would take
five minutes. It's been half an hour.
-What do I gotta do next?
-There is something.
-I want you to be my kid's godfather.
-Godfather?
You just want me
to change the dirty diapers.
Don't worry. As soon as that little
sucker pops out, we housebreak him.
Oh, great timing.
Oh, no. Off the truck with the bed.
-What are you talking about?
-Hi.
Hi, Chris. How you doing?
-All right, let's go. Let's go.
-It's my bed.
Oh, yeah, it's your bed.
Is it your bed?
Did you pay for it? You wet this bed.
I wet on the bed that Lou got,
not on this.
Go ask Darcy's mother for a bed.
Ask her in French.
You want the bed? Take the bed.
I'll buy my own bed
with my own money.
-I'm a bastard, right?
-I love you, Dad. You're beautiful.
You're great, though.
I'm a bastard who's got
his own house.
When the hell did they stop putting
handles on these son of a bitches?!
Happy New Year.
Oh, no. Put me down. Put me down.
Let me go back and get him.
Happy New Year, man.
I'm covered.
Hey, happy New Year anyway.
What's wrong? What's the matter?
Nothing. Nothing.
It's just that
I've never seen you naked.
-Naked.
-Well, you know, I mean, we did it...
...but I never actually looked at it.
-Come on, we did it six times.
-Five times.
The car, the car, the garage,
the tent, the basement....
-Does that count?
-Of course.
Okay. Well, still,
that's only five times.
The rain?
Oh, yeah.
Still...
...I never actually checked it out.
-Oh, well, you don't have to look.
-No, I want to.
Well?
-It's cute.
-It's cute?
Smurfs are cute.
-Okay, well, what?
-I don't know. Not cute.
Magnificent, maybe. Awesome.
I know it's overused, but on this
occasion, "awesome" wouldn't be bad.
-I'd settle for "big."
-Okay, okay, let me see it again.
Come on, come on.
Oh, my God. My God,
it's huge. It's monstrous.
It's a giant boa constrictor.
Get it away.
Put it away before it kills somebody.
Want to get married?
We don't have to.
I know. I want to.
Don't you?
What's the matter?
Darcy Elliot...
...will you do me the honor...
...of being my lawfully wedded wife?
Please give to Darcy the ring.
The ring.
Please to say after me:
I give you this ring as a sign
of our faith, hope and love.
I give you this ring as a sign
of our faith, hope and love.
I give you this ring as a sign
of our faith, hope and love.
Give me the ring.
May it bind our heart and life.
Excuse me, sir?
May it bind our heart and life.
May it bind our heart and lives.
Oh, that's nice.
-Say it.
-May it bind our hearts and lives.
What's the matter?
My ring's bent.
I'm sorry. I'll get you another one
as soon as I can.
-Really?
-I promise.
Okay.
Are we married yet?
Excuse me, sir. Are we married yet?
Married? Yes. Married.
Hey, slim.
How's the alien?
-Are you scared?
-A little.
Are you lying?
A little.
You know, I had this doll once,
a long time ago.
Her name was Wendy Wets.
-She peed.
-She peed? No.
No, she did. She had these
little diapers and everything.
And I had this other doll.
Her name was Tiny Tears.
When she cried, it was real tears.
And then there was Chatty Cathy.
And you pulled a little string on her
back, and she started to talk.
But the thing is...
...I never had one that did everything
all at once. You know?
I felt it.
It moved.
lnside you.
It's you.
It's you inside me.
Let's see now, young fella. Do you
have any shoe-store experience?
Oh, yes, sir. Five summers
and a lot of weekends.
Well, I'm always looking
for experienced help.
What's your angle
on selling shoes?
Treat the lady like a queen. Keep the
horsing around where it belongs:
Out of the store.
Bobrucz.
-Are you Vic Bobrucz's--?
-Yes, sir.
Well, why do you want
to work for me?
My dad sort of fired me, sir.
You start Friday.
Wow. Thanks.
-Thanks a lot, Mr. Kolby.
-You're welcome.
Hey, Bobrucz...
...your old man is really
gonna be pissed.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I know too.
Look, Darcy, we have always
been straight with each other.
I just think leaving now
and starting night school's...
...the best idea for you,
for everyone.
Oh, damn. I gotta run.
Wait. You don't understand.
After the baby, I still wanna go
to college. I wanna be a journalist.
Good. Do it all. Night school's
not gonna stop you.
Let's pick this up in the morning, huh?
Be here at 8.
Miss Giles, I don't think
you have any right...
...advising someone to quit school.
It's unethical and unconstitutional.
Can we do this tomorrow?
God forbid the school
should be embarrassed.
I don't care if the school
gets embarrassed.
I could get fired for this.
The school is not asking you
to drop out. I am.
-You are?
-Yes.
This is a small town.
You are editor of the school paper.
You are popular. I see girls every day
who wanna be like you.
I've seen it happen, Darcy.
Pregnancy is contagious, like suicide.
Oh, give me a break.
I'm only having a baby.
How many teen girls do you think
get pregnant every week?
Twenty thousand.
I'm supposed to feel guilty?
It's my fault if girls get knocked up?
Nobody's asking you
to save the world.
Just to do the responsible thing.
Think about it.
After she explained it, I thought
about it. It won't be so bad.
They cannot make you quit.
We could sue.
-They're not making me.
-It still sucks.
-I'm just gonna go to night school.
-What do you mean, night school?
-Yeah, and I'm gonna get a job too.
-No. My wife is not gonna take a job.
Great, Stan. You sound just like
Fred Flintstone.
Hi, I'm Darcy Elliot.
I mean, Bobrucz.
-Darcy Bobrucz. I think Miss Giles--
-Yes, I was expecting you.
Class, we have a new student.
Say hello.
-Hi, Darcy.
-Hi, Darcy.
-Hi, Darcy.
-Another one.
Darcy, would you like to come here
and sit with us?
-Hi.
-Hi.
How far along are you?
-How far along are you?
-Halfway through senior year.
No, we mean the little stranger.
Oh, six months.
Okay, class, time's up.
Papers to the front.
I don't know. No, I think
I need something bigger.
You know,
size is very important to me.
Come on, Michaela.
So how's married life?
Good. Good.
-It's good.
-Are you busy later?
My parents are sort of out of town.
You're not making me look good,
Michaela. My boss is watching.
And we're closing in five minutes.
Well, maybe next time, Stan.
-I'm sorry.
-What happened?
She's sort of a problem.
Now she's a problem.
A minute ago, she was a customer.
Oh, look, your friend's here.
Hey, Darce.
Is that what you're wearing
to the prom?
Michaela, you're really so mean.
I'm just kidding.
-Darce?
-I'm in the Jacuzzi.
Oh, there's a letter for you
on the table from Caltech.
"You have been awarded
a full scholarship in architecture.
Your scholarship covers
both tuition and dormitory costs.
You will be required to perform
30 hours a week of work-study.
In response
to your recent inquiry...
... Caltech doesn't provided
freshman married housing. "
What'd it say?
-What are you doing?
-I didn't want the damn thing anyhow.
-You mean, you didn't get it?
-I didn't want it.
Oh, but still, you would've felt better
if you had turned them down, huh?
No, I wouldn't.
You're the world's worst liar.
I'm sorry.
Darcy. I want to talk to you
in my office now.
Wilma. Yoo-hoo, I'm home.
It's me, Fred.
Fred Flintstone. Your Bedrock lover.
Yabba-dabba-doo.
You don't like it.
Yeah, I like it. It's....
I'm just not used to it yet.
I tried on my dress today
for the prom.
I look like
a Thanksgiving Day float.
I also itch everywhere,
my ankles are fat...
...there's something hanging out of
my butt, the article's not going well.
And now I have to get a haircut.
Something hanging?
When you're pregnant, sometimes
you get hemorrhoids, okay?
Bummer.
-Oh, and I got fired.
-You were gonna quit anyway.
You know, I hate to say this,
but there's something else wrong.
-What?
-Your foot.
-What?
-Yeah, it's just missing something.
What's wrong with my feet?
For the prom.
No, I can't go to the prom. They'll
have to rent a bigger gymnasium.
You know, my chrie...
...if the shoe fits,
you must leave everything behind...
...move to the castle avec moi...
...and live happily ever after.
It fits.
So, what do you think?
I don't know. I can't see them.
-I can.
-And?
It's perfect. Just like you.
It's fantastic.
You've gotta see it.
It's a whole new approach to safe sex.
It's no big deal.
-It's a stuffed animal.
-It's not. You'll love it.
Darce, how you doing?
Remember, the tux turns
into a pumpkin at midnight.
-I owe you one, buddy.
-All right.
-I can do this, right? I mean, I can--
-You look beautiful and sexy too.
-Darcy, your hair looks great.
-Thanks.
You look so French.
It took me 10 minutes
to get out of the car.
-How will I make it on the dance floor?
-Simple. I rented a forklift.
Okay. Now, if you two
will just stand on the white tape.
Good, good.
Okay, kids, look at the camera.
We wanna look at each other.
I do this 100 times a night, honey.
Come on, over here.
-Look at the camera.
-Take the picture, please.
Looking pretty foxy in that tux, boy.
Darcy, hi.
I haven't seen you in so--
Oh, my God. You are huge.
-Honey, you are lighter than air.
-Oh, yeah, so is a blimp.
A blimp can't dance.
You know, I think this is the best
senior prom that we've ever been to.
It's the only senior prom
we've been to.
I know. That's why it's the best.
-I sure hope junior has your eyes.
-Oh, wait a minute, now.
-What?
-Who says this is gonna be a junior?
All right, what's the female word
for junior?
Well, they say....
It's....
I don't know.
-They haven't invented a word.
-We should invent one.
-No, we gotta invent a name.
-Right.
-What were we on last night?
-S's.
-S's?
-Yeah.
Sarah.
-Stewart.
-No.
-No?
-Stephanie.
-Sting.
-Oh, yeah. Definitely.
-I love Sting.
-Sting Bobrucz.
Sting Bobrucz, that's beautiful.
What's happening?
I think the baby wants to cut in here.
-My water broke.
-Okay. We're fine.
We're gonna do it
like the book said.
We're prepared for this.
Nice and easy, right?
-Okay.
-Okay.
-All right?
-Okay.
-Honey, don't stop.
-Can I have a painkiller?
-Can she have a pill?
-lt'll hurt the baby.
-I hurt!
-Doing fine without it.
-But I can't take it.
-It's okay. lt'll be over soon.
I can't take it!
-Try and relax. You're doing great.
-Pattern breathing.
Do the pattern breathing.
Screw the pattern breathing.
I want a painkiller!
Okay. Now push down.
Push down. That's it.
A little harder. Little harder.
Push against my fingers.
Real hard now. Real hard.
-Real hard. That's it. That's the way.
-It's ripping. It's burning.
-Keep pushing. That's it.
-Good.
-You got it. Push hard. You can do it.
-I can't.
-Push.
-Take a deep breath.
-Blow out and take a breath.
-That was a good push.
That was great. Baby's coming out.
Real quick breath.
Okay, we're getting close, guys.
-Push, push, push.
-Okay, baby's head is out.
Now, don't push.
Take in nice, slow breaths.
-Oh, my God. Look at it.
-Just breathe. Okay?
It's a girl.
There she is. Take a look at her.
She looks great.
-She's beautiful.
-That was terrific. You're a brave girl.
Perfect. Stan, would you like
to cut the cord?
lsn't there someone
a little more qualified?
Darcy, would you like
to hold your daughter?
She's nice.
I want my mother.
-Stan, would you get my mother?
-Yeah.
Let me suction her out
a little bit more.
Right here to the right.
If you could just speak
to her calmly, with sensitivity--
Mrs. Elliot, I've been
an adoption liaison for 1 0 years.
If she gives up her child, she has
six months to change her mind.
No, no, she'll be in Paris by then,
and after that, college.
Excuse me. I'm Mrs. Elliot,
Darcy's mother.
-Elliot?
-Bobrucz. Darcy Bobrucz.
Sure. Around the corner, 3C.
Has Darcy seen her baby yet?
Has she seen her baby yet?
Well, I should say so.
Say hi to Grandma.
Oh, my God.
We lose a lot of them this way.
Bye-bye.
Hello.
Oh, God.
-Hi.
-Hi.
How's my girl?
I saw her.
She's beautiful.
You cut your hair, huh?
Yeah, I like it.
You know, I don't know why
I didn't think of this before.
We can all go to Paris.
Oh, you know, the Europeans
are so fabulous with babies.
They take them to restaurants
at 11:00 at night...
...give them wine
when they're a day old.
We'll stay in some
quaint little hotel...
...and we'll order up
room service and--
Mom, just forget the trip, okay?
-Stan has to work.
-No, I'm not talking about Stan.
Just you and me and the baby.
It'll be three generations--
Mom, Stan's my husband.
I'm married. Why--?
God, why can't you
just be my mother?
Why can't you just crawl
in bed with me right now...
-...and put your arms around me?
-Just what is it you want?
Just don't be my friend, okay?
-But I am your friend.
-No, I don't want that.
I can't. It comes
with all these strings.
When you're a mother,
you just love somebody. That's it.
-Why can't I be your friend?
-Just get out.
-Darcy.
-Just get out.
Leave me alone.
Okay.
I don't want to be your friend.
-Excuse me. We only had one baby.
-Oh, I know. It does add up.
Here you are.
Seven hundred and fifty dollars?
-We're on a payment plan.
-Those are extras.
Extras.
Oh, wait, there's more.
Let me have that back.
Sure you don't want to hold her?
How could you
name a baby Theadosia?
We kicked around names like
Jennifer and Leslie and--
-I named her after my grandmother.
-I know, but Theadosia?
It sounds like a Greek fishing boat
or a crater on the moon.
We needed a name
for the birth certificate. I asked you.
Look, call her anything you want.
Just call her something, for chrissake.
Mr. Bobrucz?
Sure you don't want to hold her?
Extra extras.
This is Jeopardy. Now entering
the studio, today's contestants.
This is Jeopardy. Now entering
the studio, today's contestants.
A plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,
let's welcome Johnny Lee Bartlett.
-Is she breast-feeding?
-She doesn't even want to hold her.
The doctor says it's just a phase.
Her age, all the changes.
The natural tendency
to mother will kick in.
I mean, it's a genetic animal instinct.
-You mean, like Wild Kingdom?
-Sort of.
I don't know, man.
Maybe she didn't get enough oxygen
to her brain during the delivery.
Maybe she wanted a boy.
Because, you know, in China
they only allow one kid per family.
So sometimes if they have a girl first,
they'll kill it.
-Retro.
-It's true.
Stan, this is a complex
manifestation of jealousy.
You're paying too much attention
to the other woman.
I didn't know you could pay
too much attention to a baby.
I know. I know.
-Is that my niece?
-Say hi to your Aunt Mary.
-She's so cute.
-Hi, honey.
-How are you?
-Oh, let me have that baby.
Oh, don't be upset.
Look at those teeny-weeny feet.
Look at those teeny-weeny feet.
Look at those ears.
-Does Dad know you're here?
-Are you kidding?
-Where's Darcy?
-She's in the bedroom.
Postpartum depression.
How did Stan and Darcy
get the name?
What?
Did Stan and Darcy name
the baby after Grandma?
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
How did Grandma get her name?
Oh, well, from her mother, of course.
My grandma Theadosia.
Grandma was nice.
I wish she wasn't in heaven.
Yeah, me too, Mary.
Was your grandmother nice?
Oh, nice. Hey, my grandmother
was the best.
Gee, I remember one time,
I was just about your age...
...I broke a window at school.
My mother was away,
I don't know where.
Anyway, the principal called
my grandmother down to his office.
-Did you get in trouble?
-See, that's the thing of it.
The thing was, not only did
my grandmother pay for the window...
...she didn't tell my father.
Because if she had told my father...
...I still wouldn't be able to sit
down right, you know what I mean?
See, that's the thing of it.
Grandparents, they love
you so much...
...that even when you do something
wrong, you know...
...they don't see the wrong in it.
-Dad.
-Yeah.
Are you a grandparent?
Here, wear this if you're
gonna be out in the sun.
Back with a third straight week,
our returning champion...
...a plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,
Johnny Lee Bartlett.
Honey, baby, that stinks.
Oh, my God, we're talking
Guinness Book here!
We're bronzing this one.
We have to call the fire
department and hose this girl down.
Mommy's not feeling well today.
You have to tell her our funny
stories and make her laugh.
How did that feel?
My princess.
My little girl is squeaky clean.
Your daddy loves you so much.
Daddy's gonna miss you tonight.
That's right. Oh, you smell so good.
You want to hold her for a while?
She misses you, you know.
Your daddy loves you so much.
Here's your blanket.
Take care of Mr. Blondie
for me, all right?
Don't you pee on Mr. Pinkie.
She's all clean,
and the formula's in the fridge.
I'm late. I gotta go back for inventory
before Kolby kills me.
I'll lock up.
Bye. I hope you feel better.
"I felt like when she was
being ripped out from inside of me...
...everything I loved
about being young...
...was ripped out at the same time."
If I could just learn
to understand her.
Hi, there's a man outside my fire
escape outside my window.
I live at 408112 North Vicker,
second floor.
Darcy Bobrucz.
Can you please hurry?
B-O--
Look, I'm about to be murdered.
Spell it any way you want.
It's okay, Thea. Mommy's here.
Nobody's gonna hurt my baby.
Yeah. Nobody will hurt you.
It's okay.
Please go away.
I just talked to the cops, and
they'll be here any second.
Besides, we don't
even have any money.
We just got our second notice
on our electric bill.
So go away, please.
He's gone now.
That bad old man is gone.
You know Mommy
wouldn't let him hurt you.
Come on, now, Thea. Dinner's over.
It's time to go to sleep, Thea.
Your daddy's gonna come home,
and he's gonna be so happy.
He loves you so much.
Mrs. Bobolitz? It's the police.
Okay, just a minute.
It's the police. Things are gonna be
just fine now.
I'm coming.
-We got the guy you called about.
-Oh, thank you.
There's only one thing.
He says he knows you.
Knows me?
You want to press charges,
Mrs. Bobolitz?
Bobrucz.
No. No, thank you.
-Would you like to come in?
-Oh, yeah.
-Thank you, officers.
-Thank you, officers.
I didn't mean to scare you or anything.
Would you like to see Thea?
She's in her crib.
Yeah.
Fresh oranges, fresh apples
and fresh pears.
Thea.
Fresh lemons.
Hello.
-She's beautiful.
-Thank you.
-Would you like to hold her?
-Yeah.
Why don't you put that down first.
Say hello to your grandpa.
I'll tell you one thing.
I don't care if she is a girl...
...this kid's going to Caltech.
"Secretary, secretary,
secretary, medica--"
Oh, this looks good. "Big Bucks.
Housewives, make extra cash
in your spare time. Telephone sales."
That means I could take Thea.
Darce, that's Thea's thermometer.
-Hey, honey. Hi, Lila.
-Hi, Bobrucz.
Hey there, skeezer.
So, what do you think
of your old man anyway?
Next week he's
a high-school graduate.
Right now he's late for his
roofing job and he's gotta change.
Wait. I got night school. I thought
your roofing job started next week.
They changed it. We need the money.
I can't blow this gig.
-I can't blow school. I won't graduate.
-This is important.
-You think not graduating isn't--?
-Come to Auntie Lila.
-I'll read her a bedtime story.
-Oh, thanks.
Listen, there's two bottles
of milk in the fridge.
And those are her diapers there.
I love you. Bye, honey.
Okay. Don't worry about it.
Oh, Thea. Thea.
Come on, sweetie.
"Once upon a time...
...in the land of abnormal psychosis...
...there lived a grand mal seizure."
This is a real shit job.
The pay's bad too.
But it's steady work, and it cleans
all the snot out of your nose.
I've been doing this for 20 years.
I still love the smell of tar
on a hot roof.
Someone's feeling very sexy.
They cut off the electricity, Stan.
What do you mean?
Didn't you pay the bill?
The check bounced...
...because we had to make
a double hospital payment.
What about these? You don't take
care of bills by stuffing them in box.
We didn't have the money to pay
them. What do you expect?
-We're in deep shit.
-No kidding.
-We have to do a little belt-tightening.
-We have to do more than that.
Maybe it's time we ask
your dad for some money.
What? I do not take handouts.
Sure, better let Thea starve
than hurt your pride.
We'll do less entertaining.
There's no reason
in God's green earth...
...we have to have chocolate milk
at all times...
...or French goddamn roast goddamn
coffee with goddamn cinnamon!
Thea's medication is costing a fortune.
Dr. Barrick is hounding us for his bill.
We spend $35 a week
on disposable diapers.
Why are you buying
disposable diapers?
What's wrong with the cloth kind
my mom used on me?
You sounded like your father
when you said that.
I don't have a father.
This is not getting us anywhere.
We gotta do some planning.
How are we gonna pay for college?
College! Are you in outer space?
We can't pay our electric bill!
Forget college, Darcy!
We're not going!
Let's think about this. What about
next year? Maybe we can save up.
We'll be here next year
and the year after that. This is it!
Home sweet home. I'm a roofer.
And you, if you're lucky,
you'll go to beauty school.
We really aren't going, are we?
We're really not gonna go anywhere.
Oh, yeah? I am.
I'm going out for a beer.
Oh, well, good. Why don't you
just rob a bank while you're at it!
-You shouldn't leave your baby alone.
-I didn't leave her alone.
The kid's been crying all afternoon.
Somebody ought to turn you in.
You shouldn't leave your baby alone!
I didn't.
That's it! End of the month,
you're out!
Stan, what are you doing?
I fed her. I changed her.
I rocked her--
Well, maybe she's sick.
Did you take her temperature?
Oh, God, she's burning up.
Feel her forehead.
Feel her goddamn forehead!
I'm calling the doctor.
We don't have a phone!
We couldn't pay the bill!
Dr. Sloan. Dr. Herbert Sloan,
line seven.
Dr. Slashen. Dr. Harvey Slashen,
Maternity.
Dr. Federoff. Dr. Joyce Federoff,
line 27 B.
Your baby's fine. Doctor
gave her a little shot of penicillin.
You can take her home in a few hours.
Who will be taking care of the bill?
-My mother is.
-All right. I'll make a copy.
-Thank you.
-Your mother?
-Yeah, I just talked to her.
-What did she say?
Here's the thing.
We're gonna move in with her.
I really, really think
that's a bad idea.
Well, I really don't care
what you think right now.
Mrs. Bobrucz?
Dr. Orsham, Dr. Ed Orsham,
code nine.
Hello?
Oh, hi.
Oh, yeah? Okay.
Hold on for a second.
It's Lila. She says everybody's
gonna go to the lake tonight.
-She'll pick us up if we want her to.
-I don't want to go.
Why not? We can say goodbye
to everybody before they go to school.
You go. I don't want to.
No, I guess not.
No, I know, but we have a lot of
stuff we need to do around here.
Yeah. Okay, well,
you have a good time, okay?
Say goodbye to everybody for me.
Yeah, I'm all right.
Call me when you get back.
Bye.
What's she doing here? Thought she
was with her French club buddies.
I don't know. I thought so too.
Stan, come on, put your shirt on.
Do me a favor.
Do not start with her today.
It's hot in here.
Hello, I'm home.
Oh, you're eating, good. I threw that
stew in the Crock-Pot this morning.
How did it turn out?
Oh, you're so sweet.
It's probably awful.
Hi, baby girl.
Oh, my, are we shy, Stan?
Come on.
We don't have any rules
in this house.
And we drink wine with our meals.
Cabernet sauvignon, of course.
Right, Darcy?
You know, honey,
I've been thinking...
...about what you said.
And you're right.
There's no reason why I can't be
your mother and your best friend.
We can talk about this later, okay?
Everything is a learning experience.
We just have to juggle all
of the roles, don't we, Thea? Yeah.
And as a special treat tonight...
...I'm gonna put the baby in my
room so you can get some rest.
That way Thea can sleep with me
just the way Darcy used to.
You won't have to listen
to that old Daddy snore. Yeah.
I don't want beer in this house.
The smell reminds me of your father.
Tell him to use a coaster,
would you, honey, please?
She's driving me crazy. Last week
she said you had too much lipstick on.
She's a mother. They do that.
They put notes on the toilet
saying put the seat down?
Okay, fine. We'll move in
with your dad.
-Oh, now we can't even talk.
-We can talk.
Just don't make that noise.
It sounds like we're making love.
Oh, it's so cute the way you
say that, "making love."
How about making hot, sweaty,
stinky sex? Darcy, do it to me.
-Oh, Stan, shut up!
-Oh, Darcy! Oh, faster!
-Faster!
-Please don't do this to me!
-Get down! I mean it!
-Where did you learn that?
I cannot believe you.
This is completely disgusting.
-You want more? You are something.
-Stop it! Stop it!
Why are you doing this to me?
Stan, come on!
-You love it! You know you love it!
-Stop it right now, please.
-Don't pound so hard.
-Faster! Oh, yes!
-Come on!
-You know you love it.
You're gonna break the bed!
This is really sleazy.
I can't believe you.
-Oh, you are out of control.
-Stan, get down!
-I am getting down!
-Get down right now. This isn't funny.
Excuse me, you wouldn't happen
to have a cigarette?
No, I don't smoke.
Oh, well, thanks anyway.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Oh, my God.
She doesn't smoke, she says.
Where are you going?
I'm going to sleep with my mother.
Good. I always thought somebody
should sleep with her.
-Now where are you going?
-The same place I always go. Out.
Nice. Nice.
Excuse me, fella. The lady wants
to buy you a box of Pampers.
My treat, Stan.
So everybody's heading
out next week, huh?
Hey, it's okay.
You don't need to keep up
the conversation.
You don't have to talk or worry
about any bills you have to pay.
Stan, you're a kid.
I think you forgot about that
for a while.
What Darcy did to you was lame.
Really lame.
You know how long I've listened
to my dad rave on about Caltech?
Since I was 10 years old.
I even learned their
goddamn fight song.
You'll never know how I felt
when I was accepted.
How did she talk you out of that?
She never even knew I got in.
But you know what?
When it all came down,
getting married, baby, all of it...
...I found out that the feelings
I had for Darcy were stronger than...
...I could have had
for just about anything.
So you see, it wasn't lame.
It was love.
I gotta go.
Thanks a lot.
Welcome to the Pork Pit.
May I take your order?
I'll have two slabs of baby back
ribs and an order of coleslaw.
Two cages and a side of slaw!
You're a new piggly-wiggly,
aren't you?
Sit down and wait
for your number to be called.
Hi, Darcy. Stan and I had a couple
of beers the other night.
He didn't mention you
learned a new trade.
-Ribs or rinds?
-Unfortunately, nothing happened.
He did mention how excited he was
when he got accepted to Caltech.
He didn't get in to Caltech.
Do you want to order?
Come on, of course he got in,
but he turned it down because of you.
How could you believe he didn't get
in? He was an A student.
How can you be so smart
and so dumb?
I wish I had a guy like Stan who would
blow away the rest of his life for me.
-What a waste.
-Excuse me.
Is my order ready yet?
-Here you go, sir.
-Oh, thank you.
Yeah, Bobrucz. That's right.
Oh, so the scholarship's still good?
He can still go?
Okay, great. Yeah, you just
go ahead and enroll him.
Yeah, he'll be there.
Okay, thank you very much.
Goodbye.
So that's it?
That's it.
-Somebody canceled.
-Are you thinking of going with him?
No, there's no married housing
for undergrads.
He has to put in 30 hours
a week work-study.
With no income, it just would never
work. That's why he never told me.
-What are you and Thea gonna do?
-Oh, we'll be just fine.
What about Madison
and journalism--?
I'll worry about that. You make sure
he gets on a plane by Thursday.
Make sure he gets
enough underwear.
-Yeah, but Darc--
-Chris!
They write bad country songs
about this, okay?
I mean, the wife gets tied down
too young.
He ends up hating the wife, hating the
kid, hating everybody, hating himself.
It's just better this way, okay?
Thanks a lot.
-Bye.
-Bye.
I gotta take care of his underwear.
Honey, I'm sorry I didn't
come home last night.
-You have to go.
-I did some thinking.
I got it all worked out.
Did you hear me?
I said, you have to go.
I can't go anywhere. I just got here.
You have to leave.
-Stan, you gotta move out. Now.
-I'll apologize to your mother.
No, it's not about my mother.
It's about us!
I'm not happy.
You're not happy. You don't come
home. When you do come home--
We'll work it out. There's a lot
of stuff. We said that once--
I want a divorce.
Come on, we just got married.
Fine. I'll have it annulled.
It's not a legal marriage anyway.
-Honey, you're tired.
-I said, get out!
Darcy, what is--?
-Now! Get out!
-What are you talking about?
This is my house. Just get up,
just walk out the door!
-No!
-Do you hear me?
This is my house!
Get out of my house!
Darcy, come on!
Don't you think you better leave?
-I would've been a great architect.
-You'll be a great architect.
But you gotta go to school first.
Look, maybe you should just can all
this family stuff and get on with...
-...what you're supposed to be doing.
-Forget it.
Look, I gotta tell you something.
I called Caltech.
Your scholarship is still good.
-You did what?
-It turns out...
...that somebody canceled,
and you can have their spot.
We gotta be there Thursday.
You called Caltech?
Yeah. And you can go,
so don't blow it.
Does Darcy know all this?
How would Darcy know?
Chris? There's someone
here to see Stan.
-Who the hell's that?
-I don't know.
-Maybe it's Darcy.
-How much underwear do you got?
-Stanley Michael Bobrux?
-Bobrucz.
I'm authorized by the state to serve
you with these annulment papers.
-What the hell is that?
-Hey, I don't want this!
Hey, Stan.
I don't want this! Take this back!
Yeah, well, that's great! Only one
problem! We were never married!
Never married? What do you mean,
never married?
-I was there. I saw you.
-We weren't 18 yet. We lied.
So? That's no big deal.
Darcy! Darcy, you don't understand!
Oh, my God, what must
the neighbors think?
I'm trying to tell you how I feel, okay?
Please, I'm sorry! I didn't mean
to run out of the money!
-That does it. I'm calling the police.
-Mom, don't!
Well, he needs to go
for some counseling.
We were married! We have a baby!
Or did you forget? I didn't forget,
because I love you!
Goddamn it! And you love me!
You said you loved me,
and we had a baby!
Goddamn it! We have a baby! Thea!
Come on, give me
one more chance, please!
I'm so fucking sorry!
-I'm gonna go talk to him.
-You stay right there!
You're finished talking to him.
One more chance!
I love you! Please!
Goddamn it! Please open the door!
I'm sorry!
If they put him in jail,
will you tell them...
...he has to be out by Thursday?
He has to be in school in California.
Okay. I'm sure that's no problem.
Okay, Bobrucz. On your feet.
You're getting out.
-You okay?
-Yeah. Thanks for coming down.
Forget it. Let's go home.
Come in.
-Oh, hey, you busy? I'll come back.
-No, it's all right.
So, what are you gonna do
about Caltech?
I've gotta decide by Thursday.
Maybe I should go, huh?
The chance of a lifetime.
Still haven't heard from Darcy?
-You love her a lot, don't you?
-Oh, God, Dad, she's....
Whenever I try to see the rest of my
life without her, I can't even breathe.
Then you're gonna have
to go for it.
Otherwise you'll live with regret.
I remember one time, I was in love
with a girl. She was so beautiful.
I couldn't stop thinking about her,
not even for one minute.
Drove me nuts.
-So, what did you do?
-I married her. Had three kids.
-I love you, Dad.
-How did I get such a skinny kid?
-Rae Warland.
-Thank you.
Congratulations. Ron Califarro.
Darcy Elliot Bobrucz.
Congratulations. Paul E. Shaw.
Congratulations. Ruth Leggo.
Muriel Gusman.
Lou Comacho.
And to Darcy Elliot Bobrucz,
who did the right thing.
-Yes, dear.
-Who saw the mountain--
-And almost fell right off it.
-Be careful.
Oh, we're so proud
of Mommy, aren't we?
Now my baby's a big girl.
And you're free to make
all your own choices now.
Darcy!
-Darcy!
-Excuse me, may I help you?
I'm Darcy's husband.
I don't want a scene.
Come on. Good night.
-Good night.
-Darcy, please!
Will you please wait?
Come on, sit in the front.
Darcy, wait up!
I gotta talk to you!
Wait! Wait! Please.
-Hands off the car.
-Come on, give me a break.
Look, Stan, you're a good kid.
You tried your best, but if you love
Darcy, give her a chance.
-I can help her make something of--
-She was doing fine herself.
That makes you nervous, doesn't it?
Stop it. We gave it our best shot!
We just couldn't cut it! That's all!
Hey, I love you. I'll never stop
loving you. Thea, tell her.
These are for you. There's something
inside. This is for Thea.
Sorry I was late. I went to Madison
and put in for scholarships for us.
Journalism and architecture.
I gave Ronald your baby article.
He loved it.
He wants to publish it in the paper.
Here's stuff on married housing
and child-care co-ops.
You see, she's not crying.
Go to California! They're holding
your place! Don't blow it!
Holding my place?
How did you know?
That's why you kicked me out!
That's why you kicked me out!
You still love me, don't you, Darcy?
Darcy, you still love me!
Darcy!
Believe me, it is just as well
that he left now...
...because he would have left
someday anyway.
Do you remember when Daddy left?
I'm just trying to tell you, honey...
...that sooner or later...
...everybody leaves.
That's just what love's all about.
Oh, but that's not it, Mom.
That's not what love's all about.
Love is about sticking around.
Did you know that Stan did get
into Caltech?
He didn't go, because he loves me.
He cares about me,
and he cares about Thea.
Stan doesn't just disappear
when something bad happens.
Like I do.
Mom, you have a choice to make.
Either you love all of us
or none of us.
Take this. It's gonna get chilly later.
Thanks.
Stan!
Stan!
Where's Darcy?
Could you give me a hint?
She went looking for you
back at the school.
Thanks.
Well, I guess we really blew it
this time, didn't we, Thea?
Come on, let's get you home.
-Darcy!
-Stan.
-I'm so sorry--
-Caltech doesn't mean anything.
-That's all you ever wanted!
-I want you! I want Thea!
-What about my mother?
-It's okay. We talked.
Okay, what about--?
Did you look inside the flowers?
This one doesn't bend.
It's beautiful.
See, I was....
I was hoping maybe you'd want
to marry me.
I guess you got yourself a wife.
Oh, good.
We better get Thea home.
It's way past her bedtime.
When she's a teen,
she'll have a curfew.
-Definitely.
-Ten o'clock.
Maybe 11:00 if they're really in love.
If they're really in love, 8:00.
-I love you, Darcy.
-I love you, Stan.
and probably is a little after 7 a.m...
...on a sleepy Saturday morning
in Kenosha...
...which, right now, is as lively as any
other town in the world at 7 a.m.
Except here, a cool jock
with hot rock...
...me, Laid-back Larry, in the mind
of mellow Middle America...
...happening for you early-rising
lovers of life, love...
...and the pursuit of music,
rain or shine.
And the rain is coming.
Light showers predicted...
...clearing this afternoon.
Now, from the top
of the charts, the beautiful--
Darcy, Lila's here.
Hi, Mrs. Elliot.
-Darcy, we're gonna be late.
-I know. I'm almost done.
Is that your article
on Senator Proxmire?
-I thought you mailed it.
-I'm excited for you girls!
-A weekend at a college!
-You didn't mail it?
That press conference
last night changed everything.
-I hate this stupid thing!
-Are you done?
I know Darcy would love me
to come...
...but I have to work if Darcy and I
are gonna go to Paris.
-That's what she said. Come on.
-I'm done. I'll mail it on the road.
The news said it was gonna rain,
but it looks nice out to me.
So you're gonna be staying
in a dorm?
I'm not prying.
You're entitled to your space.
Mother. You're standing
in my space.
Oh. Okay, give me a kiss.
Come on.
-Have fun.
-Bye-bye.
Maybe you'll meet some
university men, huh, girls?
Right, Mom.
I wouldn't mind you meeting
some new boys.
There, I've said it.
Mom, what time do you have
to be at work?
Oh, yeah, I guess
I better get going.
You drive carefully, Lila.
Why didn't I think of that?
Call me if you meet
someone special.
You guys. So romantic,
you two going off together.
Spending the night together.
-Got the map?
-Got the map.
Alone together for the first time.
-Tapes?
-In the car. Thermos?
-Full. Thanks for covering me.
-Don't worry about it.
-See you tomorrow, pal.
-Bye, guys.
How long is it gonna take
to get there?
About two hours.
If we don't, you know, stop.
What if we do, you know, stop?
We may never get there.
-Maybe we shouldn't have stopped.
-Yeah.
-Oh, but what if I'm late?
-I won't let you be late.
Well, I guess a little late
wouldn't hurt, huh?
I love you, Darcy.
I love you, Stan.
I'm so nervous.
What if he doesn't like my stuff?
-He's gonna love it.
-They say he's the toughest editor.
-You're the best.
-If he doesn't ask...
...for what you write,
you won't work on the paper.
He's not gonna ask.
He's gonna beg.
He's gonna get on his knees
and say:
"Darcy Elliot, please send us
every word you write."
Yeah, what if he doesn't?
God, my socks are still wet.
Fascinating.
Your state representative actually
spoke at your school assembly?
Did you read what he said?
He really gave it to our mayor.
"Swampy soccer field
flooded with frogs"?
A couple thousand of them.
I asked the
Department of Agriculture.
Their water table had risen,
so the eggs didn't dry up--
That's quite a story.
I hope The Washington Post
picked that one up.
Look, Donald, this sounds like
small potatoes to you--
It's Ronald.
Excuse me. Ronald.
The frogs were big news
at my school...
...and in Kenosha, where I live
and find my stories.
Know Mike Royko?
He writes about Chicago.
Fran Lebowitz writes about New York.
I write about Kenosha.
Tell you what. Send me what
you write this year.
We'll see what we can do.
I like your passion.
-Thanks.
-Are you going here too?
Caltech, architecture.
-If my scholarship comes through.
-He'll get it.
So you'll be here,
and he'll be in California?
-We'll manage.
-Live for holidays and vacations?
-You know it.
-Right. Thanks, Ronald.
Thanks, Beth. Bye.
To be young again.
-Piece of shit.
-So incredible.
I can't believe it looks exactly
like your design.
My mom did the hard work,
the stitching.
And I can't believe
you added a skylight.
And...
...it's removable.
I wish we had some
marshmallows.
Yeah, so do l.
-But I do have a surprise for you.
-You have a surprise?
Yeah. Close your eyes.
Oh, I love surprises.
-What is it?
-I can't tell you.
-Can I open my eyes?
-Not in this forest.
Can I open one eye?
-Can I have a hint?
-Put out your hand.
Oh, that's so sweet.
When'd you get them?
Before we left.
-You're so romantic.
-Here's to forever.
And always.
You know, maybe they were right.
About us.
What are you talking about?
I mean, I don't know,
maybe it's not gonna work out.
Why?
People change and drift apart.
Not us. We're different.
-Yeah?
-You bet, yeah.
Do you think
we could live in a tent?
I mean, not forever,
just on a permanent basis.
-You and me?
-Yeah.
I think we could live anywhere.
As long as it had a skylight.
And maybe a Jacuzzi.
I've never seen so many stars.
Beautiful.
Did you see that?
Did you make a wish?
Did you?
Can you think of another way
to say "hygiene"?
Hello, Gene.
"Cleanliness," that's good.
Can I have half?
I'm sorry.
-Teenage lust.
-Uh-oh, sex patrol.
When you start to like boys,
do you have to chew their gum?
Your brother's gum is
the first gum I ever chewed.
-Is that what love is?
-It's a start.
-But you're pals too, right?
-Yeah.
-What's a "panimonial" suit?
-We're home!
Thank God! Your daughter wants
to know what a palimony suit is.
-Where does she get that stuff?
-Dr. Ruth.
-Why do you let her watch Dr. Ruth?
-You let her watch.
-Dr. Ruth is funny.
-I'll tell you what palimony is, Mary--
Palimony is when a man gives
a woman the best years of his life...
...and she has the nerve
to want money.
Not just women.
A man in Beverly Hills...
...sued his girlfriend for
half of her tanning salon.
Stay for dinner.
We have glumpkies.
-I'd love to, but it's Thursday.
-Oh, yeah. French night.
-French night!
-Come with me to the Casbah.
-What's a Casbah?
-We have french fries.
-French dressing.
-The french toast.
-And for dessert....
-We've got ice cream. French vanilla.
And french kissing. With gum.
Come on, Darcy.
There's more to life than Big Macs.
-Well?
-Your job is looking out for your mom.
Okay, it was red,
and now it's pink.
"If there's a change from the original
color, it indicates a positive result."
Positive! So it's positive.
Not positive, good.
Positive, bad.
It's just defective.
We'll take it back.
We'll get another one
and do it again.
Darcy, it's not defective.
Look, my dad's a doctor.
I know about these things.
I can't believe this.
I've been taking the pill forever.
What am I gonna do?
Yo, Stan, thanks for the cleanup.
I owe you one, kid.
-Hi, Mr. Bobrucz.
-Oh, hey! Darcy Elliot.
Kenosha's star reporter.
Are you doing one of those...
...expos stories
on bunions across America?
Hey! No smooching
back there, now.
-lt'll set off the sprinklers.
-Good night, Dad.
I'm going. I'm going.
Boy, you look happy.
If I put your smiling face outside
the store, I'd get a lot more customers.
I know, you got a B plus
on your French exam, right?
-It can't be that bad.
-It is that bad.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Are you sure?
-When was your last period?
-Two months ago.
Two months? I thought
you were taking the pill.
Well, I'm irregular, okay?
That's why I started taking the pill,
to regulate my periods.
My doctor put me on it
when I was 14, and once I forgot.
And then I doubled the next day
just like I was supposed to.
-You said you started taking it for me.
-Well, I lied, okay?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie.
I would've started for you...
...if I wasn't already taking it.
I didn't tell you...
...because I didn't want you
to think I was easy.
We waited two and a half years.
Why would I think you were easy?
-This is all my fault.
-Hey.
It's not like you were there
by yourself, you know?
I never thought it would happen
like this.
I knew it'd be you, I knew that much,
but like this...
...surrounded by Hush Puppies.
-Lisa Jordan had two already.
-I heard Marilyn Monroe had 13.
-Who's Lisa Jordan?
-She sits behind you in calculus.
-Still, it's no big deal.
-Look, this is Darcy's decision.
-It's her life.
-Oh, her life.
-It's her body.
-Stan and I are going to California!
What's he do with his body,
stay home and babysit?
-Cute.
-We can give it up for abortion.
-Adoption.
-That's what I said.
-That's what he said.
-No, he said, abortion.
-No, I said, adoption.
-I heard you, Stan. Loud and clear.
Well, you heard me wrong, okay?
Okay.
-You went out with Stan Bobrucz?
-So?
-You're lying.
-I am not. We were in seventh grade.
-We were children.
-Yeah, weren't we all?
Since then, he's gotten so mature.
So deep.
-Michaela, you're so bad.
-You want to know bad?
Tying a guy down before he's old
enough to buy a drink.
You won't read about Darcy getting
knocked up in her precious paper.
So I'll just write it on the wall.
I love it when the smart kids
turn out to be so stupid.
I'm almost into my second trimester.
We have to tell them.
-It's not gonna go away.
-Don't worry. We'll figure it out.
It doesn't make sense to tell them
until we decide what to do.
Besides, it's Thanksgiving.
How can you tell them now?
I was thinking, "I'm pregnant.
Can you pass the turnips?"
-Look, we'll talk about it--
-Come on, kids. Dinner.
It's a beautiful turkey, Mrs. Bobrucz.
-Thanks.
-Hey, stick.
Know what your cousin
says about Caltech?
-What'd he say?
-Every student has his own computer.
Believe that? It wasn't like that
when I didn't go to school.
I hope you like my stuffing.
The French do a wonderful thing
with stuffing.
Apples, grapes and raisins.
Right, honey?
How creative.
In this country, we don't call
that stuffing. We call it fruit.
-Honey? Grace.
-Grace.
-Anybody can do it.
-Only a doctor can do it.
No talking during grace, huh?
I'm telling Mary that only
a doctor can do an abortion--
That's not true! Right, Daddy?
Where'd you hear a word like that?
-Mary said it.
-Lou said it.
You know the rules in this house.
No lying.
Where'd you hear that?
Well, all right!
I'm gonna ask you one more time!
Where did you hear that word?
I'm pregnant.
Can you pass the turnips?
Abortion is not a dirty word.
It's a medical solution.
Abortion is not a dirty word.
It's a medical solution.
You can forget about abortion!
This kid's going up for adoption!
-That's that!
-You've never heard of choice.
Why would you?
It's not a four-letter word.
What the hell does that mean?
Look, I know you think you're in love.
I thought I was in love once too.
When's the last time we saw
your father or a check?
Honey, promise me
you won't have this baby!
-The whole world is your oyster!
-What about my son's oysters?
He has a career ahead of him,
designing schools, churches and shit!
We're going to Paris next summer.
-If we could just discuss--
-Butt out! We're deciding your future!
Honey, do you know how many people
would love to adopt a baby?
Don't be stupid!
That takes care of Stan.
Hey, call your daughter stupid!
She got herself in trouble!
-Dad!
-Oh, she got herself pregnant?!
-Hallelujah! It's another virgin birth!
-Let's not drag the church into this.
Why not? Your husband wants
to hide my daughter in a convent...
...so she won't embarrass your family.
Gonna do this every time Stan
gets a girl pregnant?
-Let's keep it.
-Grow up! You had a gerbil.
You forgot to feed it. It died.
This kid's going up for adoption!
Period!
Darcy won't lug this baby
and get stretch marks...
-...so you can give it to charity.
-Mom, what are stretch marks?
Stretch marks are the badge
of a real woman.
You are an unreasonable,
uncivilized peasant!
You can take your French fruit
and stuff it up your big bird!
Okay, that's it. This family
has made its decision.
We'll call Dr. Barrick and have this
taken care of. There. Done. Darcy?
Thanks for dinner.
-Bye.
-I'll call you.
Darcy!
Mom?
You never told me Stan's gerbil died.
You said he ran away!
This is the smartest thing you've ever
done. It leaves all the options open.
I'll get off work early to be here
when you get home.
We can pretend this whole thing
never happened.
I still think I should go with you.
Mom, we've already settled this.
Lila's going with me.
Stan's picking me up
and taking me to the clinic.
Great, Stan. Okay.
Well, you'll be in and out of there,
honey, you'll see.
Come here.
You okay?
Just thank God you got such
an understanding mother, huh?
Bye.
So this is the right thing, right?
We said we want to do what's right.
Right?
Guys.
I gotta go.
Call me when you get home.
I'll come over, okay?
Okay. Everything's gonna be fine.
I know it.
-I love you.
-I love you too.
Bye. I love you.
Okay.
Okay.
It doesn't seem to want to fit,
Mrs. Sitwell.
Are you sure this is a 5-112?
Definitely, Mrs. Sitwell.
Maybe we should try a size 6, huh?
Not on your life! I wear a 5-112.
Oh, I remember, Mrs. Sitwell.
You know...
...there's something wrong
with that shoe.
-Wrong with it?
-Maybe.
I'll see if I have a larger 5-112.
Be right back.
-I'm in a bit of a hurry.
-I'll be back in a jiff, Mrs. Sitwell.
I was thinking about it all day.
Having a kid didn't sound so bad.
Someday we're gonna do it.
-We'll get married--
-I didn't do it.
-What?
-I didn't. I tried about 10 times.
I tried to be practical about it.
Then I tried to be casual.
I tried to pretend I was in a hurry.
Just nothing worked.
So now I'm here.
-So you didn't do it.
-I know it makes sense to do it.
I didn't feel like I thought
I would feel about it.
It's not a bad thing. But when I think
about us, I want to have it.
What do you think?
I can go back tomorrow.
No way! We're gonna
have this kid, Darce.
You and me. A Bobrucz
with red hair and your lips.
We'll do it.
What did Hemingway say?
-"You just have to grab for the gusto."
-Beer commercial.
-Well, he said it too!
-I love you, Darcy.
-Can we do it?
-Of course! Our parents did it.
-We were gonna do it anyway.
-We'll do it sooner.
-Right!
-Is this The Sonny and Cher Show?
Mrs. Sitwell would like
her other shoe back.
So she can leave.
-So when do we tell our folks?
-Do we have to tell them?
-Probably.
-Okay, soon.
The sooner the better.
What do you think of that, Donna?
You better like that!
Like it? I'm stunned.
Yeah, that's the Eiffel Tower.
You plug it in.
It lights up, just like the real one.
I know just where I'd like to put this.
Thank you for the belt, Mrs. Bobrucz.
I saw that in the store, I said to myself,
"Who has a waist that little?"
Our Darcy!
She gets that type of a figure
from her mother.
Now, Donna...
...Merry Christmas.
-Now we're gonna have a toast.
-Thank you.
-Dad, what about us?
-Are you kidding?
Sure, I always get my children loaded
on Christmas.
There's yours.
There's yours. Go out to the icebox,
get yourself some ginger ale.
It's great Stan and Darcy
got us together.
Today, we gonna let
bygones be bygones.
I think even Donna will go along
with me on this one.
There is nothing-- I mean
absolutely nothing like family.
Darcy? Honey?
-Merry Christmas, sweetie.
-Merry Christmas, Stan.
Merry Christmas, honey.
Okay. To family.
After all, this was the day Mary
and Joseph started their little family.
That's funny you should mention that.
Here's the thing.
-We're gonna have one too.
-What?
-A family. Darcy and l.
-Oh, well, yeah. Good, great.
God bless you. Someday.
I mean, now.
What the hell are you talking about?
What Stan is trying to say is...
...we've decided to keep the baby.
-You lied.
-No, I didn't lie!
When you asked me how it went,
I said that it wasn't so bad.
But you didn't do anything!
-That's why it wasn't so bad.
-We haven't worked out the details.
Work out this detail! Your future's
going right in the toilet!
We were gonna do it anyway.
We're starting our future now.
-What future?
-We married young.
Yeah, because we were kids!
We could raise the baby
until they finish school.
-Are you nuts?
-We wanna raise our baby.
We'll get an apartment by ourselves
and fix it up nice.
And Stan won't go to Caltech!
He'll spend his life stuffing fat feet
into little shoes!
-It's not gonna be like that, Dad!
-You'll blow the chance of a lifetime!
-Darcy Elliot, this is an act of defiance!
-You don't understand!
-We love each other!
-Young lady...
...learn to keep your mouth shut
and your legs crossed!
You bastard! Don't you ever
talk to her like that again!
-You get out! You get out of my house!
-I left! You didn't throw me out! I left!
Don't come back here looking
for a handout!
Darcy, I should have forbid you
to see him.
-Mother.
-It was a mistake.
-What about Paris?
-Mother, shut up!
Darcy, you come back here!
You are grounded!
Hey, wait up!
-Where are you going?
-With you!
Go back in before
you get in more trouble.
I can't. I just told
my mother to shut up.
-You told you mother to shut up?
-I did. I swear.
Get in the car.
I wish I had a Polaroid of her face.
All right, with cash,
both savings accounts....
My sweet-16 card from Aunt Rene.
-My Christmas club.
-Six gift certificates to McDonald's.
We got...
...$927 and six Big Macs.
Nine hundred and
twenty-seven dollars?
We're practically rich!
-What more can we possibly need?
-More money.
More money.
No pets, no loud music.
Any parties after 10, you're out.
Rent's due first of the month.
I don't get it, you're out.
No drinking, no drugs.
I catch you with drugs, you're out.
-Any questions?
-Yeah. What's that?
A Jacuzzi.
So, what do you think?
It's different.
-It's big.
-Big.
All it needs is a little paint...
-...a little imagination--
-And a bed.
Just grab from the bottom.
It's heavy. You said this would take
five minutes. It's been half an hour.
-What do I gotta do next?
-There is something.
-I want you to be my kid's godfather.
-Godfather?
You just want me
to change the dirty diapers.
Don't worry. As soon as that little
sucker pops out, we housebreak him.
Oh, great timing.
Oh, no. Off the truck with the bed.
-What are you talking about?
-Hi.
Hi, Chris. How you doing?
-All right, let's go. Let's go.
-It's my bed.
Oh, yeah, it's your bed.
Is it your bed?
Did you pay for it? You wet this bed.
I wet on the bed that Lou got,
not on this.
Go ask Darcy's mother for a bed.
Ask her in French.
You want the bed? Take the bed.
I'll buy my own bed
with my own money.
-I'm a bastard, right?
-I love you, Dad. You're beautiful.
You're great, though.
I'm a bastard who's got
his own house.
When the hell did they stop putting
handles on these son of a bitches?!
Happy New Year.
Oh, no. Put me down. Put me down.
Let me go back and get him.
Happy New Year, man.
I'm covered.
Hey, happy New Year anyway.
What's wrong? What's the matter?
Nothing. Nothing.
It's just that
I've never seen you naked.
-Naked.
-Well, you know, I mean, we did it...
...but I never actually looked at it.
-Come on, we did it six times.
-Five times.
The car, the car, the garage,
the tent, the basement....
-Does that count?
-Of course.
Okay. Well, still,
that's only five times.
The rain?
Oh, yeah.
Still...
...I never actually checked it out.
-Oh, well, you don't have to look.
-No, I want to.
Well?
-It's cute.
-It's cute?
Smurfs are cute.
-Okay, well, what?
-I don't know. Not cute.
Magnificent, maybe. Awesome.
I know it's overused, but on this
occasion, "awesome" wouldn't be bad.
-I'd settle for "big."
-Okay, okay, let me see it again.
Come on, come on.
Oh, my God. My God,
it's huge. It's monstrous.
It's a giant boa constrictor.
Get it away.
Put it away before it kills somebody.
Want to get married?
We don't have to.
I know. I want to.
Don't you?
What's the matter?
Darcy Elliot...
...will you do me the honor...
...of being my lawfully wedded wife?
Please give to Darcy the ring.
The ring.
Please to say after me:
I give you this ring as a sign
of our faith, hope and love.
I give you this ring as a sign
of our faith, hope and love.
I give you this ring as a sign
of our faith, hope and love.
Give me the ring.
May it bind our heart and life.
Excuse me, sir?
May it bind our heart and life.
May it bind our heart and lives.
Oh, that's nice.
-Say it.
-May it bind our hearts and lives.
What's the matter?
My ring's bent.
I'm sorry. I'll get you another one
as soon as I can.
-Really?
-I promise.
Okay.
Are we married yet?
Excuse me, sir. Are we married yet?
Married? Yes. Married.
Hey, slim.
How's the alien?
-Are you scared?
-A little.
Are you lying?
A little.
You know, I had this doll once,
a long time ago.
Her name was Wendy Wets.
-She peed.
-She peed? No.
No, she did. She had these
little diapers and everything.
And I had this other doll.
Her name was Tiny Tears.
When she cried, it was real tears.
And then there was Chatty Cathy.
And you pulled a little string on her
back, and she started to talk.
But the thing is...
...I never had one that did everything
all at once. You know?
I felt it.
It moved.
lnside you.
It's you.
It's you inside me.
Let's see now, young fella. Do you
have any shoe-store experience?
Oh, yes, sir. Five summers
and a lot of weekends.
Well, I'm always looking
for experienced help.
What's your angle
on selling shoes?
Treat the lady like a queen. Keep the
horsing around where it belongs:
Out of the store.
Bobrucz.
-Are you Vic Bobrucz's--?
-Yes, sir.
Well, why do you want
to work for me?
My dad sort of fired me, sir.
You start Friday.
Wow. Thanks.
-Thanks a lot, Mr. Kolby.
-You're welcome.
Hey, Bobrucz...
...your old man is really
gonna be pissed.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I know too.
Look, Darcy, we have always
been straight with each other.
I just think leaving now
and starting night school's...
...the best idea for you,
for everyone.
Oh, damn. I gotta run.
Wait. You don't understand.
After the baby, I still wanna go
to college. I wanna be a journalist.
Good. Do it all. Night school's
not gonna stop you.
Let's pick this up in the morning, huh?
Be here at 8.
Miss Giles, I don't think
you have any right...
...advising someone to quit school.
It's unethical and unconstitutional.
Can we do this tomorrow?
God forbid the school
should be embarrassed.
I don't care if the school
gets embarrassed.
I could get fired for this.
The school is not asking you
to drop out. I am.
-You are?
-Yes.
This is a small town.
You are editor of the school paper.
You are popular. I see girls every day
who wanna be like you.
I've seen it happen, Darcy.
Pregnancy is contagious, like suicide.
Oh, give me a break.
I'm only having a baby.
How many teen girls do you think
get pregnant every week?
Twenty thousand.
I'm supposed to feel guilty?
It's my fault if girls get knocked up?
Nobody's asking you
to save the world.
Just to do the responsible thing.
Think about it.
After she explained it, I thought
about it. It won't be so bad.
They cannot make you quit.
We could sue.
-They're not making me.
-It still sucks.
-I'm just gonna go to night school.
-What do you mean, night school?
-Yeah, and I'm gonna get a job too.
-No. My wife is not gonna take a job.
Great, Stan. You sound just like
Fred Flintstone.
Hi, I'm Darcy Elliot.
I mean, Bobrucz.
-Darcy Bobrucz. I think Miss Giles--
-Yes, I was expecting you.
Class, we have a new student.
Say hello.
-Hi, Darcy.
-Hi, Darcy.
-Hi, Darcy.
-Another one.
Darcy, would you like to come here
and sit with us?
-Hi.
-Hi.
How far along are you?
-How far along are you?
-Halfway through senior year.
No, we mean the little stranger.
Oh, six months.
Okay, class, time's up.
Papers to the front.
I don't know. No, I think
I need something bigger.
You know,
size is very important to me.
Come on, Michaela.
So how's married life?
Good. Good.
-It's good.
-Are you busy later?
My parents are sort of out of town.
You're not making me look good,
Michaela. My boss is watching.
And we're closing in five minutes.
Well, maybe next time, Stan.
-I'm sorry.
-What happened?
She's sort of a problem.
Now she's a problem.
A minute ago, she was a customer.
Oh, look, your friend's here.
Hey, Darce.
Is that what you're wearing
to the prom?
Michaela, you're really so mean.
I'm just kidding.
-Darce?
-I'm in the Jacuzzi.
Oh, there's a letter for you
on the table from Caltech.
"You have been awarded
a full scholarship in architecture.
Your scholarship covers
both tuition and dormitory costs.
You will be required to perform
30 hours a week of work-study.
In response
to your recent inquiry...
... Caltech doesn't provided
freshman married housing. "
What'd it say?
-What are you doing?
-I didn't want the damn thing anyhow.
-You mean, you didn't get it?
-I didn't want it.
Oh, but still, you would've felt better
if you had turned them down, huh?
No, I wouldn't.
You're the world's worst liar.
I'm sorry.
Darcy. I want to talk to you
in my office now.
Wilma. Yoo-hoo, I'm home.
It's me, Fred.
Fred Flintstone. Your Bedrock lover.
Yabba-dabba-doo.
You don't like it.
Yeah, I like it. It's....
I'm just not used to it yet.
I tried on my dress today
for the prom.
I look like
a Thanksgiving Day float.
I also itch everywhere,
my ankles are fat...
...there's something hanging out of
my butt, the article's not going well.
And now I have to get a haircut.
Something hanging?
When you're pregnant, sometimes
you get hemorrhoids, okay?
Bummer.
-Oh, and I got fired.
-You were gonna quit anyway.
You know, I hate to say this,
but there's something else wrong.
-What?
-Your foot.
-What?
-Yeah, it's just missing something.
What's wrong with my feet?
For the prom.
No, I can't go to the prom. They'll
have to rent a bigger gymnasium.
You know, my chrie...
...if the shoe fits,
you must leave everything behind...
...move to the castle avec moi...
...and live happily ever after.
It fits.
So, what do you think?
I don't know. I can't see them.
-I can.
-And?
It's perfect. Just like you.
It's fantastic.
You've gotta see it.
It's a whole new approach to safe sex.
It's no big deal.
-It's a stuffed animal.
-It's not. You'll love it.
Darce, how you doing?
Remember, the tux turns
into a pumpkin at midnight.
-I owe you one, buddy.
-All right.
-I can do this, right? I mean, I can--
-You look beautiful and sexy too.
-Darcy, your hair looks great.
-Thanks.
You look so French.
It took me 10 minutes
to get out of the car.
-How will I make it on the dance floor?
-Simple. I rented a forklift.
Okay. Now, if you two
will just stand on the white tape.
Good, good.
Okay, kids, look at the camera.
We wanna look at each other.
I do this 100 times a night, honey.
Come on, over here.
-Look at the camera.
-Take the picture, please.
Looking pretty foxy in that tux, boy.
Darcy, hi.
I haven't seen you in so--
Oh, my God. You are huge.
-Honey, you are lighter than air.
-Oh, yeah, so is a blimp.
A blimp can't dance.
You know, I think this is the best
senior prom that we've ever been to.
It's the only senior prom
we've been to.
I know. That's why it's the best.
-I sure hope junior has your eyes.
-Oh, wait a minute, now.
-What?
-Who says this is gonna be a junior?
All right, what's the female word
for junior?
Well, they say....
It's....
I don't know.
-They haven't invented a word.
-We should invent one.
-No, we gotta invent a name.
-Right.
-What were we on last night?
-S's.
-S's?
-Yeah.
Sarah.
-Stewart.
-No.
-No?
-Stephanie.
-Sting.
-Oh, yeah. Definitely.
-I love Sting.
-Sting Bobrucz.
Sting Bobrucz, that's beautiful.
What's happening?
I think the baby wants to cut in here.
-My water broke.
-Okay. We're fine.
We're gonna do it
like the book said.
We're prepared for this.
Nice and easy, right?
-Okay.
-Okay.
-All right?
-Okay.
-Honey, don't stop.
-Can I have a painkiller?
-Can she have a pill?
-lt'll hurt the baby.
-I hurt!
-Doing fine without it.
-But I can't take it.
-It's okay. lt'll be over soon.
I can't take it!
-Try and relax. You're doing great.
-Pattern breathing.
Do the pattern breathing.
Screw the pattern breathing.
I want a painkiller!
Okay. Now push down.
Push down. That's it.
A little harder. Little harder.
Push against my fingers.
Real hard now. Real hard.
-Real hard. That's it. That's the way.
-It's ripping. It's burning.
-Keep pushing. That's it.
-Good.
-You got it. Push hard. You can do it.
-I can't.
-Push.
-Take a deep breath.
-Blow out and take a breath.
-That was a good push.
That was great. Baby's coming out.
Real quick breath.
Okay, we're getting close, guys.
-Push, push, push.
-Okay, baby's head is out.
Now, don't push.
Take in nice, slow breaths.
-Oh, my God. Look at it.
-Just breathe. Okay?
It's a girl.
There she is. Take a look at her.
She looks great.
-She's beautiful.
-That was terrific. You're a brave girl.
Perfect. Stan, would you like
to cut the cord?
lsn't there someone
a little more qualified?
Darcy, would you like
to hold your daughter?
She's nice.
I want my mother.
-Stan, would you get my mother?
-Yeah.
Let me suction her out
a little bit more.
Right here to the right.
If you could just speak
to her calmly, with sensitivity--
Mrs. Elliot, I've been
an adoption liaison for 1 0 years.
If she gives up her child, she has
six months to change her mind.
No, no, she'll be in Paris by then,
and after that, college.
Excuse me. I'm Mrs. Elliot,
Darcy's mother.
-Elliot?
-Bobrucz. Darcy Bobrucz.
Sure. Around the corner, 3C.
Has Darcy seen her baby yet?
Has she seen her baby yet?
Well, I should say so.
Say hi to Grandma.
Oh, my God.
We lose a lot of them this way.
Bye-bye.
Hello.
Oh, God.
-Hi.
-Hi.
How's my girl?
I saw her.
She's beautiful.
You cut your hair, huh?
Yeah, I like it.
You know, I don't know why
I didn't think of this before.
We can all go to Paris.
Oh, you know, the Europeans
are so fabulous with babies.
They take them to restaurants
at 11:00 at night...
...give them wine
when they're a day old.
We'll stay in some
quaint little hotel...
...and we'll order up
room service and--
Mom, just forget the trip, okay?
-Stan has to work.
-No, I'm not talking about Stan.
Just you and me and the baby.
It'll be three generations--
Mom, Stan's my husband.
I'm married. Why--?
God, why can't you
just be my mother?
Why can't you just crawl
in bed with me right now...
-...and put your arms around me?
-Just what is it you want?
Just don't be my friend, okay?
-But I am your friend.
-No, I don't want that.
I can't. It comes
with all these strings.
When you're a mother,
you just love somebody. That's it.
-Why can't I be your friend?
-Just get out.
-Darcy.
-Just get out.
Leave me alone.
Okay.
I don't want to be your friend.
-Excuse me. We only had one baby.
-Oh, I know. It does add up.
Here you are.
Seven hundred and fifty dollars?
-We're on a payment plan.
-Those are extras.
Extras.
Oh, wait, there's more.
Let me have that back.
Sure you don't want to hold her?
How could you
name a baby Theadosia?
We kicked around names like
Jennifer and Leslie and--
-I named her after my grandmother.
-I know, but Theadosia?
It sounds like a Greek fishing boat
or a crater on the moon.
We needed a name
for the birth certificate. I asked you.
Look, call her anything you want.
Just call her something, for chrissake.
Mr. Bobrucz?
Sure you don't want to hold her?
Extra extras.
This is Jeopardy. Now entering
the studio, today's contestants.
This is Jeopardy. Now entering
the studio, today's contestants.
A plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,
let's welcome Johnny Lee Bartlett.
-Is she breast-feeding?
-She doesn't even want to hold her.
The doctor says it's just a phase.
Her age, all the changes.
The natural tendency
to mother will kick in.
I mean, it's a genetic animal instinct.
-You mean, like Wild Kingdom?
-Sort of.
I don't know, man.
Maybe she didn't get enough oxygen
to her brain during the delivery.
Maybe she wanted a boy.
Because, you know, in China
they only allow one kid per family.
So sometimes if they have a girl first,
they'll kill it.
-Retro.
-It's true.
Stan, this is a complex
manifestation of jealousy.
You're paying too much attention
to the other woman.
I didn't know you could pay
too much attention to a baby.
I know. I know.
-Is that my niece?
-Say hi to your Aunt Mary.
-She's so cute.
-Hi, honey.
-How are you?
-Oh, let me have that baby.
Oh, don't be upset.
Look at those teeny-weeny feet.
Look at those teeny-weeny feet.
Look at those ears.
-Does Dad know you're here?
-Are you kidding?
-Where's Darcy?
-She's in the bedroom.
Postpartum depression.
How did Stan and Darcy
get the name?
What?
Did Stan and Darcy name
the baby after Grandma?
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
How did Grandma get her name?
Oh, well, from her mother, of course.
My grandma Theadosia.
Grandma was nice.
I wish she wasn't in heaven.
Yeah, me too, Mary.
Was your grandmother nice?
Oh, nice. Hey, my grandmother
was the best.
Gee, I remember one time,
I was just about your age...
...I broke a window at school.
My mother was away,
I don't know where.
Anyway, the principal called
my grandmother down to his office.
-Did you get in trouble?
-See, that's the thing of it.
The thing was, not only did
my grandmother pay for the window...
...she didn't tell my father.
Because if she had told my father...
...I still wouldn't be able to sit
down right, you know what I mean?
See, that's the thing of it.
Grandparents, they love
you so much...
...that even when you do something
wrong, you know...
...they don't see the wrong in it.
-Dad.
-Yeah.
Are you a grandparent?
Here, wear this if you're
gonna be out in the sun.
Back with a third straight week,
our returning champion...
...a plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,
Johnny Lee Bartlett.
Honey, baby, that stinks.
Oh, my God, we're talking
Guinness Book here!
We're bronzing this one.
We have to call the fire
department and hose this girl down.
Mommy's not feeling well today.
You have to tell her our funny
stories and make her laugh.
How did that feel?
My princess.
My little girl is squeaky clean.
Your daddy loves you so much.
Daddy's gonna miss you tonight.
That's right. Oh, you smell so good.
You want to hold her for a while?
She misses you, you know.
Your daddy loves you so much.
Here's your blanket.
Take care of Mr. Blondie
for me, all right?
Don't you pee on Mr. Pinkie.
She's all clean,
and the formula's in the fridge.
I'm late. I gotta go back for inventory
before Kolby kills me.
I'll lock up.
Bye. I hope you feel better.
"I felt like when she was
being ripped out from inside of me...
...everything I loved
about being young...
...was ripped out at the same time."
If I could just learn
to understand her.
Hi, there's a man outside my fire
escape outside my window.
I live at 408112 North Vicker,
second floor.
Darcy Bobrucz.
Can you please hurry?
B-O--
Look, I'm about to be murdered.
Spell it any way you want.
It's okay, Thea. Mommy's here.
Nobody's gonna hurt my baby.
Yeah. Nobody will hurt you.
It's okay.
Please go away.
I just talked to the cops, and
they'll be here any second.
Besides, we don't
even have any money.
We just got our second notice
on our electric bill.
So go away, please.
He's gone now.
That bad old man is gone.
You know Mommy
wouldn't let him hurt you.
Come on, now, Thea. Dinner's over.
It's time to go to sleep, Thea.
Your daddy's gonna come home,
and he's gonna be so happy.
He loves you so much.
Mrs. Bobolitz? It's the police.
Okay, just a minute.
It's the police. Things are gonna be
just fine now.
I'm coming.
-We got the guy you called about.
-Oh, thank you.
There's only one thing.
He says he knows you.
Knows me?
You want to press charges,
Mrs. Bobolitz?
Bobrucz.
No. No, thank you.
-Would you like to come in?
-Oh, yeah.
-Thank you, officers.
-Thank you, officers.
I didn't mean to scare you or anything.
Would you like to see Thea?
She's in her crib.
Yeah.
Fresh oranges, fresh apples
and fresh pears.
Thea.
Fresh lemons.
Hello.
-She's beautiful.
-Thank you.
-Would you like to hold her?
-Yeah.
Why don't you put that down first.
Say hello to your grandpa.
I'll tell you one thing.
I don't care if she is a girl...
...this kid's going to Caltech.
"Secretary, secretary,
secretary, medica--"
Oh, this looks good. "Big Bucks.
Housewives, make extra cash
in your spare time. Telephone sales."
That means I could take Thea.
Darce, that's Thea's thermometer.
-Hey, honey. Hi, Lila.
-Hi, Bobrucz.
Hey there, skeezer.
So, what do you think
of your old man anyway?
Next week he's
a high-school graduate.
Right now he's late for his
roofing job and he's gotta change.
Wait. I got night school. I thought
your roofing job started next week.
They changed it. We need the money.
I can't blow this gig.
-I can't blow school. I won't graduate.
-This is important.
-You think not graduating isn't--?
-Come to Auntie Lila.
-I'll read her a bedtime story.
-Oh, thanks.
Listen, there's two bottles
of milk in the fridge.
And those are her diapers there.
I love you. Bye, honey.
Okay. Don't worry about it.
Oh, Thea. Thea.
Come on, sweetie.
"Once upon a time...
...in the land of abnormal psychosis...
...there lived a grand mal seizure."
This is a real shit job.
The pay's bad too.
But it's steady work, and it cleans
all the snot out of your nose.
I've been doing this for 20 years.
I still love the smell of tar
on a hot roof.
Someone's feeling very sexy.
They cut off the electricity, Stan.
What do you mean?
Didn't you pay the bill?
The check bounced...
...because we had to make
a double hospital payment.
What about these? You don't take
care of bills by stuffing them in box.
We didn't have the money to pay
them. What do you expect?
-We're in deep shit.
-No kidding.
-We have to do a little belt-tightening.
-We have to do more than that.
Maybe it's time we ask
your dad for some money.
What? I do not take handouts.
Sure, better let Thea starve
than hurt your pride.
We'll do less entertaining.
There's no reason
in God's green earth...
...we have to have chocolate milk
at all times...
...or French goddamn roast goddamn
coffee with goddamn cinnamon!
Thea's medication is costing a fortune.
Dr. Barrick is hounding us for his bill.
We spend $35 a week
on disposable diapers.
Why are you buying
disposable diapers?
What's wrong with the cloth kind
my mom used on me?
You sounded like your father
when you said that.
I don't have a father.
This is not getting us anywhere.
We gotta do some planning.
How are we gonna pay for college?
College! Are you in outer space?
We can't pay our electric bill!
Forget college, Darcy!
We're not going!
Let's think about this. What about
next year? Maybe we can save up.
We'll be here next year
and the year after that. This is it!
Home sweet home. I'm a roofer.
And you, if you're lucky,
you'll go to beauty school.
We really aren't going, are we?
We're really not gonna go anywhere.
Oh, yeah? I am.
I'm going out for a beer.
Oh, well, good. Why don't you
just rob a bank while you're at it!
-You shouldn't leave your baby alone.
-I didn't leave her alone.
The kid's been crying all afternoon.
Somebody ought to turn you in.
You shouldn't leave your baby alone!
I didn't.
That's it! End of the month,
you're out!
Stan, what are you doing?
I fed her. I changed her.
I rocked her--
Well, maybe she's sick.
Did you take her temperature?
Oh, God, she's burning up.
Feel her forehead.
Feel her goddamn forehead!
I'm calling the doctor.
We don't have a phone!
We couldn't pay the bill!
Dr. Sloan. Dr. Herbert Sloan,
line seven.
Dr. Slashen. Dr. Harvey Slashen,
Maternity.
Dr. Federoff. Dr. Joyce Federoff,
line 27 B.
Your baby's fine. Doctor
gave her a little shot of penicillin.
You can take her home in a few hours.
Who will be taking care of the bill?
-My mother is.
-All right. I'll make a copy.
-Thank you.
-Your mother?
-Yeah, I just talked to her.
-What did she say?
Here's the thing.
We're gonna move in with her.
I really, really think
that's a bad idea.
Well, I really don't care
what you think right now.
Mrs. Bobrucz?
Dr. Orsham, Dr. Ed Orsham,
code nine.
Hello?
Oh, hi.
Oh, yeah? Okay.
Hold on for a second.
It's Lila. She says everybody's
gonna go to the lake tonight.
-She'll pick us up if we want her to.
-I don't want to go.
Why not? We can say goodbye
to everybody before they go to school.
You go. I don't want to.
No, I guess not.
No, I know, but we have a lot of
stuff we need to do around here.
Yeah. Okay, well,
you have a good time, okay?
Say goodbye to everybody for me.
Yeah, I'm all right.
Call me when you get back.
Bye.
What's she doing here? Thought she
was with her French club buddies.
I don't know. I thought so too.
Stan, come on, put your shirt on.
Do me a favor.
Do not start with her today.
It's hot in here.
Hello, I'm home.
Oh, you're eating, good. I threw that
stew in the Crock-Pot this morning.
How did it turn out?
Oh, you're so sweet.
It's probably awful.
Hi, baby girl.
Oh, my, are we shy, Stan?
Come on.
We don't have any rules
in this house.
And we drink wine with our meals.
Cabernet sauvignon, of course.
Right, Darcy?
You know, honey,
I've been thinking...
...about what you said.
And you're right.
There's no reason why I can't be
your mother and your best friend.
We can talk about this later, okay?
Everything is a learning experience.
We just have to juggle all
of the roles, don't we, Thea? Yeah.
And as a special treat tonight...
...I'm gonna put the baby in my
room so you can get some rest.
That way Thea can sleep with me
just the way Darcy used to.
You won't have to listen
to that old Daddy snore. Yeah.
I don't want beer in this house.
The smell reminds me of your father.
Tell him to use a coaster,
would you, honey, please?
She's driving me crazy. Last week
she said you had too much lipstick on.
She's a mother. They do that.
They put notes on the toilet
saying put the seat down?
Okay, fine. We'll move in
with your dad.
-Oh, now we can't even talk.
-We can talk.
Just don't make that noise.
It sounds like we're making love.
Oh, it's so cute the way you
say that, "making love."
How about making hot, sweaty,
stinky sex? Darcy, do it to me.
-Oh, Stan, shut up!
-Oh, Darcy! Oh, faster!
-Faster!
-Please don't do this to me!
-Get down! I mean it!
-Where did you learn that?
I cannot believe you.
This is completely disgusting.
-You want more? You are something.
-Stop it! Stop it!
Why are you doing this to me?
Stan, come on!
-You love it! You know you love it!
-Stop it right now, please.
-Don't pound so hard.
-Faster! Oh, yes!
-Come on!
-You know you love it.
You're gonna break the bed!
This is really sleazy.
I can't believe you.
-Oh, you are out of control.
-Stan, get down!
-I am getting down!
-Get down right now. This isn't funny.
Excuse me, you wouldn't happen
to have a cigarette?
No, I don't smoke.
Oh, well, thanks anyway.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Oh, my God.
She doesn't smoke, she says.
Where are you going?
I'm going to sleep with my mother.
Good. I always thought somebody
should sleep with her.
-Now where are you going?
-The same place I always go. Out.
Nice. Nice.
Excuse me, fella. The lady wants
to buy you a box of Pampers.
My treat, Stan.
So everybody's heading
out next week, huh?
Hey, it's okay.
You don't need to keep up
the conversation.
You don't have to talk or worry
about any bills you have to pay.
Stan, you're a kid.
I think you forgot about that
for a while.
What Darcy did to you was lame.
Really lame.
You know how long I've listened
to my dad rave on about Caltech?
Since I was 10 years old.
I even learned their
goddamn fight song.
You'll never know how I felt
when I was accepted.
How did she talk you out of that?
She never even knew I got in.
But you know what?
When it all came down,
getting married, baby, all of it...
...I found out that the feelings
I had for Darcy were stronger than...
...I could have had
for just about anything.
So you see, it wasn't lame.
It was love.
I gotta go.
Thanks a lot.
Welcome to the Pork Pit.
May I take your order?
I'll have two slabs of baby back
ribs and an order of coleslaw.
Two cages and a side of slaw!
You're a new piggly-wiggly,
aren't you?
Sit down and wait
for your number to be called.
Hi, Darcy. Stan and I had a couple
of beers the other night.
He didn't mention you
learned a new trade.
-Ribs or rinds?
-Unfortunately, nothing happened.
He did mention how excited he was
when he got accepted to Caltech.
He didn't get in to Caltech.
Do you want to order?
Come on, of course he got in,
but he turned it down because of you.
How could you believe he didn't get
in? He was an A student.
How can you be so smart
and so dumb?
I wish I had a guy like Stan who would
blow away the rest of his life for me.
-What a waste.
-Excuse me.
Is my order ready yet?
-Here you go, sir.
-Oh, thank you.
Yeah, Bobrucz. That's right.
Oh, so the scholarship's still good?
He can still go?
Okay, great. Yeah, you just
go ahead and enroll him.
Yeah, he'll be there.
Okay, thank you very much.
Goodbye.
So that's it?
That's it.
-Somebody canceled.
-Are you thinking of going with him?
No, there's no married housing
for undergrads.
He has to put in 30 hours
a week work-study.
With no income, it just would never
work. That's why he never told me.
-What are you and Thea gonna do?
-Oh, we'll be just fine.
What about Madison
and journalism--?
I'll worry about that. You make sure
he gets on a plane by Thursday.
Make sure he gets
enough underwear.
-Yeah, but Darc--
-Chris!
They write bad country songs
about this, okay?
I mean, the wife gets tied down
too young.
He ends up hating the wife, hating the
kid, hating everybody, hating himself.
It's just better this way, okay?
Thanks a lot.
-Bye.
-Bye.
I gotta take care of his underwear.
Honey, I'm sorry I didn't
come home last night.
-You have to go.
-I did some thinking.
I got it all worked out.
Did you hear me?
I said, you have to go.
I can't go anywhere. I just got here.
You have to leave.
-Stan, you gotta move out. Now.
-I'll apologize to your mother.
No, it's not about my mother.
It's about us!
I'm not happy.
You're not happy. You don't come
home. When you do come home--
We'll work it out. There's a lot
of stuff. We said that once--
I want a divorce.
Come on, we just got married.
Fine. I'll have it annulled.
It's not a legal marriage anyway.
-Honey, you're tired.
-I said, get out!
Darcy, what is--?
-Now! Get out!
-What are you talking about?
This is my house. Just get up,
just walk out the door!
-No!
-Do you hear me?
This is my house!
Get out of my house!
Darcy, come on!
Don't you think you better leave?
-I would've been a great architect.
-You'll be a great architect.
But you gotta go to school first.
Look, maybe you should just can all
this family stuff and get on with...
-...what you're supposed to be doing.
-Forget it.
Look, I gotta tell you something.
I called Caltech.
Your scholarship is still good.
-You did what?
-It turns out...
...that somebody canceled,
and you can have their spot.
We gotta be there Thursday.
You called Caltech?
Yeah. And you can go,
so don't blow it.
Does Darcy know all this?
How would Darcy know?
Chris? There's someone
here to see Stan.
-Who the hell's that?
-I don't know.
-Maybe it's Darcy.
-How much underwear do you got?
-Stanley Michael Bobrux?
-Bobrucz.
I'm authorized by the state to serve
you with these annulment papers.
-What the hell is that?
-Hey, I don't want this!
Hey, Stan.
I don't want this! Take this back!
Yeah, well, that's great! Only one
problem! We were never married!
Never married? What do you mean,
never married?
-I was there. I saw you.
-We weren't 18 yet. We lied.
So? That's no big deal.
Darcy! Darcy, you don't understand!
Oh, my God, what must
the neighbors think?
I'm trying to tell you how I feel, okay?
Please, I'm sorry! I didn't mean
to run out of the money!
-That does it. I'm calling the police.
-Mom, don't!
Well, he needs to go
for some counseling.
We were married! We have a baby!
Or did you forget? I didn't forget,
because I love you!
Goddamn it! And you love me!
You said you loved me,
and we had a baby!
Goddamn it! We have a baby! Thea!
Come on, give me
one more chance, please!
I'm so fucking sorry!
-I'm gonna go talk to him.
-You stay right there!
You're finished talking to him.
One more chance!
I love you! Please!
Goddamn it! Please open the door!
I'm sorry!
If they put him in jail,
will you tell them...
...he has to be out by Thursday?
He has to be in school in California.
Okay. I'm sure that's no problem.
Okay, Bobrucz. On your feet.
You're getting out.
-You okay?
-Yeah. Thanks for coming down.
Forget it. Let's go home.
Come in.
-Oh, hey, you busy? I'll come back.
-No, it's all right.
So, what are you gonna do
about Caltech?
I've gotta decide by Thursday.
Maybe I should go, huh?
The chance of a lifetime.
Still haven't heard from Darcy?
-You love her a lot, don't you?
-Oh, God, Dad, she's....
Whenever I try to see the rest of my
life without her, I can't even breathe.
Then you're gonna have
to go for it.
Otherwise you'll live with regret.
I remember one time, I was in love
with a girl. She was so beautiful.
I couldn't stop thinking about her,
not even for one minute.
Drove me nuts.
-So, what did you do?
-I married her. Had three kids.
-I love you, Dad.
-How did I get such a skinny kid?
-Rae Warland.
-Thank you.
Congratulations. Ron Califarro.
Darcy Elliot Bobrucz.
Congratulations. Paul E. Shaw.
Congratulations. Ruth Leggo.
Muriel Gusman.
Lou Comacho.
And to Darcy Elliot Bobrucz,
who did the right thing.
-Yes, dear.
-Who saw the mountain--
-And almost fell right off it.
-Be careful.
Oh, we're so proud
of Mommy, aren't we?
Now my baby's a big girl.
And you're free to make
all your own choices now.
Darcy!
-Darcy!
-Excuse me, may I help you?
I'm Darcy's husband.
I don't want a scene.
Come on. Good night.
-Good night.
-Darcy, please!
Will you please wait?
Come on, sit in the front.
Darcy, wait up!
I gotta talk to you!
Wait! Wait! Please.
-Hands off the car.
-Come on, give me a break.
Look, Stan, you're a good kid.
You tried your best, but if you love
Darcy, give her a chance.
-I can help her make something of--
-She was doing fine herself.
That makes you nervous, doesn't it?
Stop it. We gave it our best shot!
We just couldn't cut it! That's all!
Hey, I love you. I'll never stop
loving you. Thea, tell her.
These are for you. There's something
inside. This is for Thea.
Sorry I was late. I went to Madison
and put in for scholarships for us.
Journalism and architecture.
I gave Ronald your baby article.
He loved it.
He wants to publish it in the paper.
Here's stuff on married housing
and child-care co-ops.
You see, she's not crying.
Go to California! They're holding
your place! Don't blow it!
Holding my place?
How did you know?
That's why you kicked me out!
That's why you kicked me out!
You still love me, don't you, Darcy?
Darcy, you still love me!
Darcy!
Believe me, it is just as well
that he left now...
...because he would have left
someday anyway.
Do you remember when Daddy left?
I'm just trying to tell you, honey...
...that sooner or later...
...everybody leaves.
That's just what love's all about.
Oh, but that's not it, Mom.
That's not what love's all about.
Love is about sticking around.
Did you know that Stan did get
into Caltech?
He didn't go, because he loves me.
He cares about me,
and he cares about Thea.
Stan doesn't just disappear
when something bad happens.
Like I do.
Mom, you have a choice to make.
Either you love all of us
or none of us.
Take this. It's gonna get chilly later.
Thanks.
Stan!
Stan!
Where's Darcy?
Could you give me a hint?
She went looking for you
back at the school.
Thanks.
Well, I guess we really blew it
this time, didn't we, Thea?
Come on, let's get you home.
-Darcy!
-Stan.
-I'm so sorry--
-Caltech doesn't mean anything.
-That's all you ever wanted!
-I want you! I want Thea!
-What about my mother?
-It's okay. We talked.
Okay, what about--?
Did you look inside the flowers?
This one doesn't bend.
It's beautiful.
See, I was....
I was hoping maybe you'd want
to marry me.
I guess you got yourself a wife.
Oh, good.
We better get Thea home.
It's way past her bedtime.
When she's a teen,
she'll have a curfew.
-Definitely.
-Ten o'clock.
Maybe 11:00 if they're really in love.
If they're really in love, 8:00.
-I love you, Darcy.
-I love you, Stan.