Forces of Nature (1999) Movie Script

It's a great pleasure-
It's a great pleasure-
It's a great pleasure|to have all of you here today.
I thought you all|might begin your tour here.
I really didn't want|a bachelor party in the first place.
I'll tell you why. It's not|that I'm against tradition.
There's just something bizarre about|having a strange, naked woman...
dance around me while|my friends yell out,
"Go for it, Ben.
Last night of freedom, Ben. "
Last night of freedom|for what?
Which is what I told|my best friend Alan.
I didn't want any strippers.|I didn't wanna get lucky.
I was lucky enough|just getting married.
All right. Quiet!
All right. I'm not payin' tor that.|It already was chipped.
We're here to, uh, wish Ben|good luck and good riddance...
as he heads down|that rocky path to matrimony.
And, uh, hey, you know what.
Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa Max|are here. Where are you guys?
Those guys- Watch out.|You guys gotta pace yourselves.
Knowing Ben, I'd have|to say that he's probably,
- uh, one of the most loyal guys that I've ever met,|- Like a dog!
and, uh, monogamous.
And so this is probably|gonna be the last time...
that you're gonna spend|in a room with your friends...
and a n-n-naked woman...
other than your wife, man!
So you can close your eyes|if you want to. Close 'em!
But then you're gonna be missin'|Juanita, the bull tamer!
You don't have to do this.
You really don't|have to do this.
Very nice.
Pop? Max?
Call 911.
How did this happen? Hmm?
What's the ditterence|how it happened?
- I wanna know how it happened.|- It happened.
It makes a difterence|to me.
All ot a sudden he has|a heart attack out of no place?
Mom, can we please|not talk about this now?
What is it you don't|want to talk about?
Mrs. Holmes, it it's any consolation, I|think he was having a really good time.
- Alan, shut up.|- Okay.
- Come into the hall.|- What is in the hall?
A vending machine.|Come on, butchki.
- Who's hungry? I'm buying.|- All hours ot the night-
This is insane.
He probably just ate some spicy food.
It was spicy, all right,|but it wasn't tood.
- Butchki!|- What?
Richard, you are|the silliest old tart.
Grandpa, what came over you?
- Hey.|- Ben.
- You all right?|- Ben.
She was the most|beautitul woman I ever saw.
What about Nana?
Did you ever take a good look|at your grandmother?
Woman looked like Tolstoy.
I was never|attracted to her.
Oh, maybe in the beginning,
because she was the only woman|I'd ever been with.
Well, you know, that's great.|That's, uh- That's loyalty.
Loyalty? It's fear.
Did you ever teel her arms, her-
Oh, Ben, I used to|dream about other women.
What it would be like|to hold them and to-
- Okay.|- Touch them and to-
- That's-|- Smell them.
Grandma smelled. She had|a very distinct smell. It was a-
Ben. Ben.
Listen to me.
Don't tie yourselt down.
Even if you love|a woman, it tades.
Marriage is a prison.
Could I help you out?|Here we go.
- You just passed my room.|- Sorry.
Feel better.
- Hi, sweetie.|- Honey.
Oh, why does everything feel|so much better now that you're here?
- How's he doing?|- He's stable.
- You know, physically, at least.|- Great.
What happened?
What do you expect? He's an 80-year-old|man with high blood pressure...
and a naked balloon-popping toreador|is a rough combination.
- It didn't pan out. It's not funny.|- It's not funny.
- Be serious.|- There's something I want to do.
- Okay. Why?|- I wanna be able to remember this moment in 30 or 40 years.
Think my next husband|will get a kick out of it.
Oh, that's nice.|Okay.
It's the night before I am flying down|to Savannah tor our wedding alone,
because Ben's grandtather, who we|will now reter to as Larry Flynt,
has partied himselt|into intensive care.
- What do you have to say?|- Put the video camera away.
No, no, no, honey,|you're not going to get off that easy.
No, I'm saving it|for my vows.
I have already|finished my vows.
What's in 'em?
You know why? Because|it's easy tor you. I'm a writer.
- Oh, really?|- I can't just slap something down on paper like you do.
Ben, listen.
You don't have|to be brilliant...
or witty or clever|or polite even.
Just have|to be honest.
Come on. Say something.|What are you feeling?
Are you nervous?|Are you happy? Are you scared?
Am I scared?|What would I be scared ot?
- I'm scared.|- You are? Why? Now you're making me scared.
Because it's a big thing. It's our|marriage. It's the rest of our lives.
It's- It's scary.
I know. I'm not scared.
- The only thing we have to tear-|- Yeah?
- Is this video camera.|- Hey! Come on! Just say a few words tor posterity.
What, what, what
What, what
Follow me to the scene|What
Really? You think|I can rent shoes down there?
I can't believe|I forgot my shoes.
I hear they have shoes in Savannah now.|The whole South has 'em.
All right.|Wedding dress. Check.
Check tor the minister.|Check.
Valium tor Bridget's|mother. Check.
- Ball and chain for you. Check.|- Not listening to you. Check.
- Here, look. Here you go.|- Thanks.
This is your present, okay?|It's a book ot quotes.
I crossed out the ones I'm gonna|use in my toast. Listen.
"To say that you can love|one person all your lite...
is like saying that one candle will|continue to burn as long as you live. "
- Think about that for a minute.|- I will. That's profound.
This is used.
I forgot the rings.
That's not tunny.|No, don't do that.
I torgot the rings, so-
Come on, man! No!
Relax. I'll catch|the next plane.
Son ot a bitch!
I'll see ya in Savannah.|Hey, I need to go to the city.
- New York! New York City!|- No, I can't.
Don't take|the Van Wyck though.
Hurricane Amanda|is headed for the Southeast coastline.
The eye ot the hurricane is|presently located 200 miles...
east of South Carolina|and Savannah, Georgia.
North, northwest-
Excuse me, folks.
Just the line's movin' forward.
No. Well, I love you.
I love you more.
No, I love you more.
No, you more.
No, I love you more.
Okay, I have to go, because|I just made another passenger nauseous.
That's my tiancee.
Goin' down to get married,|so we're a little-
Oh! Jack Bealy,|Snap-On Tools.
Ben Holmes,|scared of tlyin'.
- Yeah, I was married once.|- Yeah?
To me marriage|is just one big lie.
You don't say.
In the morning I had to say,|'Don't be silly, honey.
Your breath is fine.|You smell like a rose. "
Then I had to say, '"No, honey.
I never noticed|that 18-year-old girl...
with the tantastic body and halter top|that delivers our newspaper.
She can't hold|a candle to you...
and the 30 pounds you've put on|since we stopped having sex. "
So when's the wedding day?
May cancel it.|I may have to call back.
I didn't mean to throw a wet towel on ya|with my whole marital disaster tirade.
It's all right. It was a nice story|actually. It was very touching.
- Nice girl?|- Very nice.
As a matter ot fact, I just happen|to have a picture of her right here.
- Wow, what a knockout.|- Yeah, she's beautitul.
- Oh, baby, come to Daddy.|- Well, take it easy, Jack.
What I wouldn't give|for an ass like that.
- Huh? Here we go.|- Hi.
- This is me.|- Really?
Well, this is your|lucky day, sweetheart.
We got just about enough room|tor one ot you, darlin'.
Must be destiny, huh?
- Careful.|- Okay.
- Excuse me.|- Yeah.
- Sorry.|- Hmm?
I was reading what you were writing. My|eye just kind of wandered over. Sorry.
Do you work for Hallmark?
Even if I had seen you looking at it,|that wouldn't bother me.
Well, I don't care either.
I'm absolutely tascinated you|can't admit you saw me reading it.
If I had seen you reading it,|I'd be perfectly happy to admit it.
Then why did you|close your computer?
I'm known to do that|trom time to time.
I'm a rebel. I'll open it,|then I'll close it again just like that.
Don't get next to my fire,|because you'll get burned.
This is not working properly.
Stewardess, this isn't-|Miss? Thank you.
You're a little jumpy|tor a rebel, aren't ya?
My seat belt's|not functioning properly.
He's a scared flier.|Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.
Sarah Lewis.|And you are?
Ben Holmes. Really,|I'm not that scared.
- Jack's- - I can assure you|absolutely nothing is going to happen.
I speak from experience.|I was a tlight attendant. There you go.
Oh, yeah?|In one ot those little uniforms?
Please stay calm!
Oh, my God!
Hold on!
Oh, my God!|This is a disaster.
- Daddy.|- Oh, for heaven sake.
- Let's go live-|- On the other hand,
you can never have|too many ot these.
- It's tabulously colorful.|- Give you that.
How tar do you think|I could throw it?
Don't you dare, young-|Give me that now.
To the hospital for minor injuries.
Ceramic clown trom the?
- Brewsters.|- My God! That's Ben!
There's no official word|on the cause of the crash.
There may have been|a foreign object-
Let's get some help!
She hit her head.
Everyone's pretty shook up.
We had a couple ot passengers go to|a local hospitaI with concussions.
Oh, my God. There he is again.
Call me!|Oh, Ben! I love you.
Call me! No. Go back.
There you have it.|The latest information-
Hello? Ah, Ben!
Hi, honey. Yeah, I'm fine.|No, I'm okay.
I'm a little trazzled.
I mean, I was|in a plane crash.
This place is a nightmare.
People are running around.|I guess they lost everything.
I don't care about any ot that.|I'm just so happy you're okay.
I- I-I just wish that-
- Ben! Ben, listen.|- TelI him, um-
- What happened?|- You just get yourself down here sate and sound.
The thing is, I'm a little bit scared|to fly before I was in a plane crash,
so I don't teel|much like getting-
- Jesus!|- You are a god.
- You are a god amongst all men. Do you realize that?|- I'm on the phone.
- Sorry.|- Do you mind?
- What in the hell?|- Just one ot the passengers.
- He saved my lite!|- She's kidding.
It's a joke.
I'm gonna get a rental car|and drive down there, okay?
I'll call you w-w-when|I have a finalized plan.
Okay, great.|Thank you, sir.
Sorry. I couldn't|contain myself.
It's amazing when you think about it.|We almost died today. Dead.
Isn't there a rent-a-car this way?|Are we goin' the right way?
It I died, how|many people would care?
I mean, really care.|You'd have your shares of "What a shame.
What a waste.|She was so young. "
- But no real crying.|- It might be in that terminal.
No eating disorders,|no attempted suicides.
Nothing.|Absolutely depressed.
You know what?|I'm thoroughly depressed.
I just need to shake it otf.
So what were you thinking?
I was thinking how it would attect|our trequent flier miles.
What do you do|tor a living?
I'm a, uh,|jacket copywriter.
Huh. What does that mean?
- Means I write jackets to books basically.|- Oh.
Do mostly fiction,|but I do some nontiction.
You do blurbs. You're a blurb writer.|You're a "blurbologist. "
I'm a jacket copywriter.
As you can imagine,
- due to today's minor incident-|- Oh, sh-
Nada cars. Non cars.|Cars nyet.
You should have called|as soon as you got otf the plane.
Why didn't I think of that|when I was unconscious...
and bleeding trom the head?
So, cars nyet. We can check|the other airports though.
No, that's all right.|You can go ahead.
I'm not that big a fan ot the idea|of getting on another plane today...
or tomorrow or ever,|it that soon.
But you go ahead. I think I'm gonna be a|ground transportation kind ot guy trom now on.
I'll be right back.
How ya doin'?|Did ya get a car?
- This is Vic. He's gonna give us a ride.|- All the way to Georgia?
Sure. We split the cost|ot the car, the gas, whatever.
- Great.|- Good. Let's go.
- Okay.|- Wait, wait, wait. We don't even know this guy.
- He's Vic.|- Oh, he's Vic.
Great, he's Vic.|He chops us up, leaves us in the woods.
That's why I asked that you|come along to protect me.
How do you know|that I'm not dangerous?
I said, hallelujah|to the 16 royal fins
You're gettin' down|on your knees
And it's time for|your sickness again
Come on and|tell me what you need now
Tell me what is|making ya bleed
We got two more minutes sayin' we're|gonna cut you what you need
What's your story, Ben?|What's down in Savannah?
- My wedding, Vic.|- No kiddin'. That's great.
- Isn't that great?|- Yeah, it's a blessing.
- First marriage?|- That I know of, yeah.
Yeah, I was married once.
One day I walk into the house|and I hear the shower runnin'.
I had Chinese tood with me, figurin'|it would be a nice romantic surprise.
She starts singin'|in the shower.
What's that song?|"Up in the sky"? "Up with the eagles"?
- '"Wind Beneath My Wings. " Very touching song.|- "Wind Beneath My Wings. "
Suddenly there's another|voice in the shower with her.
- Oh, no.|- A baritone.
Now it's a treakin' duet.
So I walk in the bathroom and|there she is... with my brother.
- Oh!|- I grab my brother and throw him through the window naked.
He broke his leg|in two difterent places.
Dare we ask what,|uh, became of your wife?
I put the wind beneath her ass|and sent her packin'. Divorced her.
She never got a penny,|the lyin', whorin', adulteratin' pig.
What about you, sweetheart?|What's your story?
I'm going down to visit my brother|and hang out with my nephew.
That's nice. Kids.
- Yep. Got any?|- Nah. But I see 'em all over.
Come on, come on
So what else have you|jacket copywritten?
What else did I do?|The low point of my career was...
I did the blurb|tor a thriller...
about a woman-|an archaeologist-
who tinds love|in the pyramids.
It was called|Me And My Pharaoh.
- I have that book.|- No, you don't.
Yes, I do. "A scintillating tale|ot erotic mummitication. "
I wrote that line.
Oh, my God! That's|why I bought the book.
Anybody who could tind embalming|either scintillating or erotic...
had to be read.
- It was brilliant.|- Well, you know, I mean, it's all about adjectives.
I was gonna go with "engaging tale|ot erotic mummitication" tirst.
- But then I said, no, scintillating.|- Right on the money.
It's still selling now,|but at least I get to write.
What do you do?
I haven't settled down|to one particular thing yet.
Worked at galleries, sold cars,|tried out tor "Aladdin On Ice. "
Um, wedding videographer.
I got fired, though, because|apparently nobody wants a crash zoom...
to the priest|during the ceremony.
I was a exotic dancer,|hostess at the New York auto show.
- That's a gift.|- Yeah.
Let's see. What else?
- Is there anything else?|- I don't think so.
- Kids, we should get goin'.|- You got it, Vic.
Two wayward travelers stuck|in a Geo with a guy named Vic.
Don't you think this is|just a little bit over the top?
Oh, so what it it is?
Knock, knock.
- Steve! How are you?|- I'm good, real good.
- Virginia, nice to see ya.|- Well, hi, Steve.
Yes. I mean, hi. Hi.
Steve? How are you?
- It's been a long time.|- Yeah.
You look wondertul.
Thank you.|So do you.
- So, how are you?|- How is he?
Just the most successful lawyer|in Savannah. That's how.
Youngest member at his tirm.|Handles all my work.
Which I appreciate, 'cause there's not a|contractor who gets sued more than your daddy.
And what's so tunny|about that, Hadley?
God, you are|an unpleasant woman.
Gale torce winds it the|hurricane stays on course for Savannah.
Anybody want some weed?
The experiment was a|complete failure. The U.F.O. landed-
It's sinsemilla.|It'Il take your head right off.
That's great, Vic. You think you should|have your head taken otf while driving?
- Can I have some?|- Atta girl.
You sure you|don't want, Ben?
No, that's okay. I had some peyote|for lunch, so I'm all set.
He's getting married. Don't forget.|He has to be responsible.
Not necessarily.|You know, look at the Fitzgeralds.
F. Scott and Zelda,|crazy, married couple.
They drove a-
Had to know about that.
- Whoa! Hey!|- Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, shit!
Uh, what's that?
- Do you hear that?|- What's what?
Hi, honey. How are the bridesmaids'|dresses comin' out?
Good. No, everything's tine.|I just got a little bit delayed.
Car trouble,|in a manner of speaking.
But I'm fine.|Everything's gonna be okay.
Yes, I know.|WelI, I love you too.
Well, hoo-hoochie,|I love you so much.
Baby, no, because I love you more.|I love you more-
Honey, I can't do this right now.
- I'm gonna miss my wedding.|- Oh, relax, Benjie.
It's a simple drug bust.|It's not like we killed anybody.
This may be an everyday event in your|life, but speaking as a non-felon-
I'm on a bit of|a time crunch here, too, okay?
If I don't make it down to Savannah by|Saturday morning, I lose 25,000 bucks.
Are you on Dig For Dollars? You told me you|were going to visit your brother and nephew.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, kids.|Here's the situation.
Vic DeFranco was driving|with an expired license.
Plus he's got three priors|tor possession and selling.
And there was ten ounces in the vehicle|that he admits is his.
Did anybody else know|there were drugs in the car?
- No, sir. In fact, I just met this man-|- You can't-
You can't ask us these questions|without an attorney present.
You haven't advised us|of our rights.
I believe that's called-
Oh- Ah!|A Miranda violation. That's it.
This is a|very simple procedure.
You tell me you didn't do anything illegal.|you sign a statement. And you go quietly.
Sir, I'd like to be considered|separate from her, sir.
- Hmm. What part of quiet didn't you understand?|- What are you doing?
Why me?
Well, I think that went well.
- I'm not that happy with how that went.|- No?
No, not really.
I haven't known you that long, but|I think something may be wrong with you.
- May we have two tickets|to Savannah, please?
You want these seats|together?
It's totally up to you.
- Just give me one second. Can I talk to you?|- Yeah.
I just, uh-|I don't want to be rude or anything,
but in situations like this,|I think about...
what I would want Bridget to do|it the situation were reversed.
I wouldn't necessarily be|that comtortable with her...
riding down on a train|together with some guy...
who she had a,|you know, kind ot a connection...
or a chemistry or spark,
whatever, some kind|of a thing like that.
You know, and-
The look on your tace|is telling me you have no-
You're not feeling|or you're not sensing-
- You have no idea what I'm-|- Oh, no, no, not really.
Fascinating. Okay.
Maybe we just shouldn't|ride down together,
because at this point I really|made kind of a chump out of myselt.
- Have a nice nuptial.|- Thank you.
Other than the drug bust|and the plane crash, it was, uh, tun.
So long, Sarah.
- FarewelI, Ben.|- Okay.
'Oscar Wilde:|One should always be in love.
This is the reason|one should never marry. "
Well, what did he know?
What you writing there,|mister?
My wedding vows actually.|My fiancee and I are writing our own.
Oh, that's sweet.|Isn't that sweet, Emma?
- It's sweet as pie.|- We didn't write our own vows.
It's kind ot a new thing.|It's nontraditionalist.
We were so nervous. It was hard enough|to do what the preacher told us.
I didn't really think about it at all. It|just seemed natural, the order ot things.
I had doubts. I'll be honest.
- You did? You never told me that.|- I don't tell you everything.
You better, you old geezer.
It seems like it worked out|pretty well tor both ot you.
Oh, we're not married.|We're having an atfair.
I'm happy for|the first time in 34 years.
- I don't believe this.|- I don't have any regrets.
My children are long gone,|and I gave my wite 30 taithtul years.
Until I met Ned,|I always was convinced...
that sex was some horrible obligation|God put on women...
like cramps or high heels.
For all those years,|she never experienced a genuine orgasm.
Wondertul.|Could you watch my stutf?
I'm gonna go pull|the emergency cord.
- Hi. How are you?|- Hi.
- Truck.|- What do you have?
A truck? Can I see?|Hey, hey, let me see your truck.
- Grab my nose. Oh!|- Grab nose.
What are you doin'?
What are you doin'?|Slap me five. Slap me five.
- Five!|- Slap me tive.
Something's wrong.|He should have called by now.
He can take care ot himselt.|He's a grown man, isn't he?
Daddy, what is it exactly|that you don't like about Ben,
besides the tact that he's from|New York and he voted tor Clinton?
- That's not enough?|- I voted for Clinton.
All the best presidents|sleep around.
Hello? Oh, hi, Steve.
Oh, nothing, just, uh, you know,|staving oft a nervous break down.
Oh, well, thank you,|but I can't.
No. No, no, it does.|It does sound like fun.
But quite trankly, a series ot|rabies shots sounds like tun...
compared to another evening|with these two.
Bridget, come watch the biography|of Newt with me. He's amazing!
He is not.|He's an imbecile.
- No, he's not. He's a damn genius.|- Well, then, you're an imbecile.
Maybe I can come by|for just a little while.
The train will be underway momentarily.
We apologize|for the inconvenience.
Can you hear me?
Is anybody out there?
No, but leave a message,|and we'll call you back!
I wasn't|expecting an answer.
I wasn't expecting to tind|some crazy woman on the roof.
Wanna come up?
No, not really. I think probably that|the top ot the train might be otf-limits.
I know. How many times in your life you|gonna see a view like this? Come on.
Seize the moment,|Benjie. Come on.
I am. I'm eye level|with the sunset here,
so I have a better view|because I'm-
Come up.
Okay, buddy, this time, we're gonna|do it with a little more teeling.
- Okay.|- We're just gonna-
I am alive!
Just a little- Open.|Just push out.
Push out. No one can hear you.|Just throw it out there.
I am somebody!
- I think-|- Oh, God.
I think He heard me.|Excuse me. I'm fine.
Let me show you how I do it.|Okay, ready?
All right, here we go.
Oh, God!
Well, that was nice.|You know, I mean, as sunsets go.
This is interesting.|I don't remember the rooster car.
- Do you remember seeing roosters?|- No, I'm a vegetarian.
Oh, no, not again.|Didn't you two hear the announcement?
When we stop|outside Youngsville,
no one on the Savannah-bound train is|supposed to board the last three cars.
- We uncouple there, and then we reroute.|- What does that mean?
That means this train's|going to Chicago.
I got you. I got you.
You try to seize the moment,|you end up getting yourself killed.
- Will you jump? It's not going that fast.|- It's too tast!
I got you. I got you.|There you go.
There's another one coming tomorrow|afternoon, or there's a bus station in town.
Okay, thanks!
I'm starting to get the teeling that there's|maybe a hint that I'm not getting here.
Just spell it out tor me!
- That pretty much spell it out for ya?|- I'd say it does.
Whoo! Yeah!|Whoo!
Hey! Come on!|What are you doing?
- Oh! Come on!|- Oh!
Oh, come on!
Ah! It kills. It kills. Ah!
- Not exactly a hub city, I guess.|- No!
But we'll come back|in the morning.
- What do we do tor the next 12 hours?|- Come on.
- I have an instinct about these things.|- No! It's hailing! No!
How are you?
It's so good to see you!
- You gotta see Linda. Remember Linda?|- Hi!
Hey, you guys, look who came.|Bridget's getting married this weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey
- Ouch! It kills! It kills!|- Hey, hey, hey, hey
Oh! Oh, man!
- It's open 24 hours.|- What are you doing? No, no, hey.
Benjie, they|cannot kick us out.
- Please, get up.|- Oh, God!
I love this place so much.
- Oh! Oh!|- This is dry. It's the best thing I can say.
Oh, my God,|this is heaven.
Baby has an old witch doll|My baby rang his bell
I didn't have the time to tell|my baby fare you well
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Takes him down.
I just wish we'd|stayed in touch.
- I regret not keeping the friendship going.|- We're triends.
Steve, triends.
I regret that too.
How can I just|let you walk away
Let you leave|without a trace
When I stand here|taking every breath
With you|Ooh, ooh
You're the only one who|really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
There's just|an empty space
There's nothing lett here|to remind me
Just the memory|ot your tace
Take a look at me now
- Do you remember that song?|- Yeah.
I thought you would.
All I'm saying is that I don't|understand the idea of living...
with just one person|tor the rest ot my life.
How do you make|a choice like that?
That's like choosing what|you're gonna wear in 25 years.
It things worked that way, everyone|would still be wearing hot pants.
- Ya dig?|- I never wore hot pants, so there goes your whole argument.
Hey, life is supposed|to be a ride, right?
You want to be on your deathbed saying,|"I played by all the rules," or "I lived"?
'Cause I lived. I loved.|I tought. I broke hearts.
I screamed. I bled.
I guess thinking like that can explain|your hostility toward marriage.
I don't have hostility toward marriage.|I just have hostility towards my husband.
You're married?
Yep. Twice, actually.
you saw him. I was|kissing him at the airport.
My husband Carl was a hustler|from the first day I met him.
Who am I to talk?|I was a dog walker.
He convinced me I should invest|in a bagel store down in Savannah,
because he thought they couldn't|make good bagels.
That's why they lost|the Civil War.
Of course, we had|to invest all my money,
because Carl's was tied up|in some phony tax shelter.
- Is that your $25,000 you were talking about?|- Yep.
I am going to sell the place,|get the last in a string of divorces.
Ot course, he doesn't|know about it, or the divorce.
Wow. What a story.
So do you think it's|a terrible thing I'm doing?
You know,|deceiving my husband?
No, I-|It's none of my business.
Well, I do.
Beg you listen me, don't be|kissin' me till I'm done
I'm some champion of reason|like seasoning
Pepper your thoughts with spice|and entice you to a space
Where bass players|or layers are leaps
Think what I think|with my prayers, it's nice
My world is everything|I've become contained
In the hum|between voice and drum
I'm comin' from the same place|I'm still runnin' from
Even sittin' in the garden|I can still get stung
- Hi.|- Hello.
I'm gonna go outside|and take a walk.
Will you watch|my stutt tor me?
- Yeah, sure.|- Okay.
My Jesus
Mr. Spiro, hi.|It's Sarah Lewis.
Yeah, listen, I'm on my way down to sell|the bagel shop. I should be there-
Mr. Spiro, I think|that's a misunderstanding,
'cause the man who called couldn't|possibly have been my husband.
No, Mr. Spiro, actually, my husband|- He's coming with me to sell the property.
- Hi.|- No, no, no, no. I have these. How ya doin'?
- It's okay. I can pay for them.|- It's the least I can do.
- Two tor the 9:30 to Savannah, please.|- Thank you.
Residents of Savannah,|Georgia, are at risk...
for the hurricane to make landfall|by tomorrow afternoon.
Where's my wallet?
Fun in the sun.
You've already won.|We're taking you to Miami.
Hey, Ben,|you know what this is?
This is one ot those real estate things|where they give you prizes.
You look at one ot their condos. I used|to do phone solicitation for these guys.
I was wonderin' why you hadn't|mentioned phone solicitation.
They'll take you anywhere it they think|there's a chance of you buyin' a condo.
I'm sure you've done this before,|but it's not my speed.
Benjie, make you|a deal, okay?
I will get you on the bus. I'll get you|down to Savannah for your wedding,
if once we're down there just for a couple|ot minutes, you pretend you're my husband.
What do I have to do? Treat you badly|and get you to make bad investments?
No. We have no other option.|What options do we have? Zero. None.
Yet still somehow, they seem|more appealing than this one.
I'm going another way.|Wait, Sarah.
- I don't wanna be your husband.|- Ben. Ben.
- Do you think I like these?|- I don't know. Everybody's ditterent.
No, Ben, this is not tor me.|This is tor a little person.
- I know, your nephew.|- No, not my nephew, my son.
- You have a son?|- Yes, I have a son.
I have a ten-year-old boy who lives|in Savannah with my tirst ex-husband.
And, um, I haven't seen him|in, like, two years.
I wanted to take the money trom the|store, and I wanted to give it to him...
for college or school|or whatever he wanted.
It didn't matter to me,|but I can't go in there empty-handed.
So, please?
Hey, everybody.|I want your attention for one second.
Hey, everybody.|I want your attention for one second.
I'm like to introduce|two new sun seekers.
Okay, Ben and Sarah.
- Holmes and Lewis.|- Just married.
Yes, I'm keeping my name.|What am I? His slave?
They missed their bus, so|I thought we'd give them a ride.
Actually, as it turns out,|they are looking for a place to live.
We were gonna stay with his parents, but I can|take that tor a week betore I poke out my eye.
No otfense, honey,|but really, they're not human.
And guess what, everybody.|You're gonna love this. Ben is a doctor.
We came to the right bus.
Tell 'em what|your specialty is.
What's your|speciality, pooky?
He's a surgeon. Yeah.
- Going to be.|- Going.
He's shy.|Brain surgeon.
That's why we're|relocating down to Miami.
Let's tace tacts. It's like|one big emergency room down there.
No oftense. No otfense.
Every day I get in the queue
Too much, magic bus
Get on the bus|It takes me to you
I'm so nervous|I just sit down and smile
Okay, one hour fiesta. A little taste|of Mexico, and you can drink the water.
Ben Holmes.|Sorry about the collect call.
I'll reimburse you when I get-|Okay. Is Bridget around?
Uh-huh. She's out to lunch.|Okay. Who's Steve?
- Come on.|- Yes.
Hyah, hyah, hyah.
Hyah, hyah,|hyah, hyah.
You wanna go on|the spinning sombrero ride?
- No, not really.|- Oh, come on.
Bunch of 70-year-olds|are going. Come on.
Sarah, there's two kinds|of people in lite.
The kind that look at the spinning|sombrero ride and think...
that there's maybe some|amusement to be had there...
and the kind that look at it and think,|"Where will I throw up atter?"
You really should get some thrills in|your lite before you die.
- Nausea is not a thrill.|- Shh!
I've noticed you around.
Everybody, say,|"Come on, Ben. "
Come on, Ben!
All right.
Don't throw up on me, Tony.
Let it out, baby!
Hey! Stop the ride!
Stop the ride!
Give him some room.
Where's Dr. Holmes?|Anybody see Dr. Holmes? Dr. Holmes!
Dr. Holmes, I think we, uh-|I think we need you.
Step back. Let the doctor|do some work, huh?
- Uh, all right. Call 911.|- Somebody call 911!
We're gonna get|your head back here.
Okay. Listen for breath,|check tor a pulse.
Hey, you know what.|Step back, guys.
Let him breathe|a little bit, huh? Step back.
Excuse me, guys.|Excuse me.
Dr. Keller,|this is Dr. Holmes.
He suffered an acute|myocardial infarction...
that was complicated|by ventricular fibrillation.
But he's going to be fine.|You saved his lite. Good work, Doctor.
Good work.
Hey, everyone, I think|out of respect for Florence,
we're gonna stay|here in town tonight, okay?
I made arrangements|at a local moteI.
We really have to get on the road,|so we're gonna part ways here.
- I absolutely insist. See ya outside.|- No, no, no, we're-
Wow. What a passion pit.
It's the honeymoon suite. Imagine|what the wedding must have been like.
I think I'm gonna|take a bath.
- Hi.|- Door won't close.
Need some help?
Thank you.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
If I call|three times a day
Come and drive|my blues away
Be ready to play
Do your, do your
If you want|to have some luck
Give your baby|your last buck
And it you can't be
With the one|you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Love the one|you're with
- I heard you said|you didn't love me
If I need attention
Call, I'll call you|on the phone
I'm gonna head down to the gitt shop.
- It's Ben.|- Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.
If my radiator|gets too hot
Yeah, Dad, uh, wire|the money to, uh,
Cash-O-Gram otfice|in Orin, South Carolina.
Yeah, Ben, Orin, South Carolina,|but what are you do-
- What is he doing in South Carolina?|- I'm handling this.
What are you doing|in South Carolina?
What's going on? Are you coming|through the Bermuda Triangle?
Could I talk to|you guys a second?
- Certainly.|- Yeah, sure.
I was wondering-|I mean, I- Are you happy?
- You're asking if we're happy?|- Yeah.
- We're very proud ot you.|- That's not what he asked.
- He asked if we're happy.|- I heard what he said.
- Why shouldn't we be happy?|- I mean, uh-
With your lives together,|with your marriage.
- What kind ot questions are these?|- What's this about?
Well, on the way down here,|I met this woman.
- Oh, Ben, you idiot!|- Would you let him talk?
What woman, you idiot?
She's just-|It's not like that.
It's just that she's completely|ditferent than anyone I've ever met.
Please! They always are!
This is not good timing.
- You're supposed to be getting married.|- I know, Mom.
I want to know how, when you got married, how|you knew you were the right ones for one another.
I understand. Listen to me.
Ben, when I met your father, I had|an opportunity to marry Sam Wellman.
- Sam Wellman?|- Shh! Will you please?
- Who is now a very prominent|businessman- - He sells pools.
They're not even built-in.|They're the kind you blow up.
- Some are built-in.|- Even they leak.
It's okay. You know what?|It's tine.
I was just curious,|but it's-
Dad, I appreciate it|it you could wire the money.
- I'll be down there as soon as I can, okay?|- Okay, kid. Take care, huh?
Yeah. Bye-bye.
- Whoo! Okay.|Okay, now, we're honeymooning.
All right.
But, I mean, it seems like|what you're saying, though,
is that marriage|itself is good.
Oh, you know, yeah- You gotta remember|your parents were young once.
They went out dancing.
They made love|in the back seats of cars.
Then they got married and had kids,|and the kids, they slowly...
sucked the life|right out of them,
until all their passion,|all their visions of a life...
of great adventure are reduced|to hoping to be able...
to sit on a goddamned toilet|in peace!
Well, I'm gonna get|something to eat, Joe, so I-
Well, I'm gonna get|something to eat, Joe, so I-
- I can't believe it!|- How weird!
- Ben! Oh my God!|- Hey!
- What's going on? Hey, Debbie.|- Hi!
- How are ya?|- I'm good.
- What are you doing here?|- What are you doing here?
Uh, it's- You would not believe|what happened to me.
Tell me about it. When they closed|La Guardia, I couldn't get a flight...
out ot Newark or J.F.K.,|but, uh, luckily, uh,
Debbie here|had a vehicle.
Uh, well, there's a certain symmetry|there. Best man, maid ot honor.
- You know.|- Well, not really.
- This is Joe.|- Hi. Farrell.
Head ot the Sunshine Seekers|Real Estate Company.
Joe, uh-|Joe gave me a ride down here.
And it was a pleasure.|Quite a couple.
- So, you guys staying here?|- No, no, it's like the only place for miles.
You know, we thought we'd stop,|get a bite to eat, pee.
- Yeah, so come on. We'll give you a litt.|- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- You're not taking the good doctor away trom us now.|- The good doctor?
So, maybe you guys|should just eat,
and I'Il just come back down|and meet you in say, you know-
- Fifteen minutes? Is that good?|- Great.
- Let me grab the stuft out ot my room.|- You got a- You got a room?
- Yeah, the honeymoon suite.|A little ba-da-bing.
That's right.|Rehearsing tor tomorrow night.
- What's tomorrow night?|- Hey, this kid's gettin' married.
That's- that's funny.|He's already married.
That's true,|you know,
but, uh, in my heart|I'm already there.
But we all have lives to lead, so let's move|on with that, and I'll see you guys in a bit.
Nice talking to ya, Joe.|Okay, guys.
You gotta have heart
Please, ma'am,|I need your signature, ma'am.
Signature? For what?
Look at this.|It says "'damaged. " Do you see?
- Can you read, young man? D-|A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged. - Damaged.
We're very proud ot Ben.
If he's late, believe you me,|he has a good reason.
What I don't understand is how,|in this day and age...
ot A.T.M.'s and cell phones|and the Internet...
and Voyager Two,
could it take two days-|two days-
to get from New York|to Savannah.
Oh, don't drink|out of the bottle, darling.
Thank you.
We are really|very proud ot him.
This is ridiculous.
I'll put an end to this|right now.
Pretending to be a doctor, listening to|my parents' advice on my personal lite.
Sarah? Sarah?
And where's my lousy|maid of honor? Where's Debbie?
Huh?|Can I not at least have that?
Who's supposed to be pouring me drinks while|I'm being stood up by the so-called groom?
Answer me that.|Thank you.
Honey, he'll be here.|It's all gonna work out.
It's true, Bridge.|Husband and wife, that is something.
It must be nice to see your parents|back together, though.
Yeah, talk about|a match made in hell.
What do you mean,|"back together?"
What do you mean|you're separated?
Oh, honey, baby,|sugar lump,
it means your tather|has an apartment he stays in...
- when you're not here.|- I'm never here.
I stay there a lot.
When were you|going to tell me?
Honey, we didn't want to|spoil your wedding.
This is your special time.|WelI, it would have been.
Get me outta here.
- Look who's here. Hey, Ben.|- There's Ben.
I want to buy this man-
Get out there.
How can you|resist it?
You look like you should be writing to your|congressman to protest cuts in Medicare.
Really? That's exactly|the look I was going tor,
compliments ot|Sun Seeker Phyllis.
Listen, Sarah,|I just ran into, uh-
Shh. You can't do|two things at one time.
- Well, the plans that we sort ot-|- Okay.
You obviously didn't win your tiancee|over on the dance tloor either, did you?
How did you|and Bridget meet?
- Uh, at a party.|- And?
- It was a surprise party.|- Oh, what a beautitul story.
It must have been|a magical night.
No wonder you can't|write your vows.
No ottense, but I'm not sure I should be|taking romantic advice from you.
- You think?|- Failure's a fantastic teacher.
You could learn from my mistakes.|I could tell you...
everything I hated about my husbands and|my boytriends so you don't do the same.
- Should I get a pad?|- Get a scroll.
- A scroll?|- Aw, okay.
Never forget her birthday. Make|a really, really big deaI out of it.
Atter sex, hold her|for a little while.
- You know, talk to her like a human being.|- Ah.
Uh, oh, and do not|wear your socks to bed.
- Why?|- No socks to bed,
because you might not be|all that attractive to begin with.
No. Keep going.
Always, always side with her|in an argument with your mother.
Um, listen to her|like you mean it.
Supportiveness is|a really, really sexy turn-on.
- Never, ever hit.|- No.
No.|And, um,
- no matter what annoying habits she has,|- Mm-hmm.
just realize that she's dealing with a|huge mountain ot imperfections every day.
So you might just|want to let it go.
- That's it.|- That's it?
- Hey, can I sit there?|- Hey.
- Hey- Aaah! Ohhh!|- Oh!
Uh, let's get some air.
- Why?|- I'm just- I'm hot.
Grilled prawns|or something?
One second.
- What's the matter with you?|- Hmm?
- What's the matter with you?|- Nothing's the matter with me. Do, uh-
- Do you know how to swim?|- Of course I know how to swim.
I'm tellin' you,|I saw him come out here.
That- That's him down there.|That's him.
- I don't see anything.|- There's a body at the bottom ot the pool.
No, I think that's|just a big drain.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, and P.S.- you're a moron.
Hello? Excuse me?|Hi. Hi.
- Do you know Ben Holmes?|- I'm sorry. Know who?
Ben Holmes. Is that Ben|at the bottom of the pool?
I don't know, but I could|go ask tor you.
It's not Ben, okay?|He's afraid of the water.
He goes to the beach in a suit and tie.|Come on, let's go.
I found it!|I got it, I got it.
- What?|- Goldarn contact lenses.
You oughta just stick with glasses.
Oh, hey, guys?|What's going on? What's happening?
- Hi.|- Hey, Alan.
This is Sarah.|Sarah, Alan.
- This is my best man at my wedding.|- Hey. How are you?
Debbie.|This is the maid of honor.
- Hi, Debbie.|- Hi.
So, how'd you two|hook up?
Uh, I wouldn't say|that we're hooked up, really.
I sort ot barely|know this person, but-
You were on the bus, right?|Yeah, we rode down on the bus together.
There's a whole group of folks.|Rode down together.
Okay, and the whole|pool thing?
She tell in the pool,|and uh,
didn't look like|she was a strong swimmer.
She was kind of|flailing around, so I-
There's no lifeguard on duty|if you see the sign there,
So I jumped in,|and you know, hauled her out.
Then, in the course ot that,|the contact lens tell out.
Here you go, miss. You oughta be caretul|with these, because they're-
Here you go.|It's your contact lens.
That's a great story.
Bridget's really lucky|to be marrying such a great swimmer.
Whoa! What happened here?
Well, perhaps after you dry off,|you'll come back in for another dance?
- You got it, Herman.|- Dr. Holmes, you don't mind...
if I dance with your wite,|do you?
Yeah. You don't mind,|do you sweetie?
- All right, all right. Well, I'll see you in there.|- Okay.
I'm pretty disappointed|in you, Ben.
You know, everybody's always|telling Bridget she's so lucky...
because you're such|a nice guy.
Debbie, I am a nice guy, all right?|This is not what you think.
Okay.|Whatever, Dr. Holmes.
- Alan?|- Ben, you don't need to explain, okay?
Remember, I'm the guy|who begged you...
to sleep with more women|before you got married.
I am not sleeping|with her, man!
Okay?|There's nothing going on!
Why- Why won't you|listen to me?
- Maybe because I'm getting married tomorrow?|- All right, look, Ben.
It you're not gonna|take advantage ot a night...
that's gonna get you through many sad,|pathetic, lonely years, then-
My God.
I'll see you in the lobby|in five minutes.
I hate to remind you,|but we had a deal, remember?
You were supposed to be my husband if I|got you a ride. Do you remember that?
Yes, I remember|that arrangement.
I did not, however,|presuppose the tact that Debbie...
is now on her way down to tell|my tiancee that I am holed up...
in a hotel room in South Carolina|somewhere with a woman...
claiming to be the wife|ot the good Dr. Ben Holmes!
What was I supposed to do?|The Sunshine people think we're married.
They would have stoned us. As it is, I already|feel bad enough about not buying a condo.
Why don't you just|tell Bridget the truth?
What kind ot marriage do you have|if she doesn't believe you?
- Just explain why you're with me-|- Sarah, I'm not with you!
We're not together!|This is not a relationship!
I just happen to be traveling|alongside a natural disaster!
- You know what?|I really feel sorry for you.
'Cause at least when I was getting|married, I could admit I was scared.
- WelI, save me your pity, because I am not scared.|- You know what?
You have such a problem|with honesty, Ben, you know that?
- Oh.|- You can't tell your tiancee what's going on.
You can't explain something absolutely|simple and innocent to your best man,
and you are|with me, Ben!
You could have left a hundred times,|but you didn't!
- I tried to!|- Then why are you still here?
I'm leaving!|All right, tine!
You wanna talk about honesty?|Let's talk about honesty.
- Bring it on.|- You complain about your lite, nonstop, all the time.
It's all your tault.
You are a beautiful, incredible woman.|You could have any guy you wanted,
but you keep picking|these losers.
And the only thing I can think ot|is that you choose these guys...
who are intellectually inferior to you|so that you can control them,
but still teel conveniently wounded|when the relationship ends.
You're the one that's afraid of commitment.|You back out of every job you ever have!
You run away from anyone|and anything,
and you think it's so|unconventional and liberating,
when in tact, it's just|cowardice and juvenile...
and unable to face|the real world!
Ha! Okay, you want honesty,|I'll give you honesty.
Do you know why you can't|write your marriage vows?
Because you are absolutely territied|that you have nothing to say.
And why would you, Ben?|Because you run around so scared...
that lite is gonna throw you this|curveball that'll completely shatter...
this crystal clear, pertect existence that|you've created for yourselt in your Day Timer,
that you blurb your way out of teeling|anything emotional, anything real.
You have no emotions, and that's|what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.
You know what?|At least I don't sit around obsessing...
that no one's going to|come to my tuneral,
because I have relationships|that last longer than a week.
- My funeral is gonna be packed!|- You know what, Ben?
That is just great.|And I know your eulogy...
is gonna look so nice|on the back of a book cover.
I just think you are|an immature, seltish person.
WelI, I'm|obviously wrong.
Have a fabulous time in Westchester.|I do hope you enjoy the minivan.
God! How great it must be to be|so cool and above everyone, huh?
It must be great!|Let me ask you somethin'.
How cool is it|to abandon your kid?
I was 17 years old, okay? Fuck you.|You don't know anything about it.
- All right, well, try 27, Sarah,|- Nothing.
because seventeen's not|working anymore.
Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift|Notes and have a nice wedding, okay?
- Have a nice divorce.|- Okay.
Four, three, two, one.
- Okay, I'm leaving.|- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.
Five minutes. There he is.|I think he's- Come on!
No, no, no,|don't-
- Well, that was smooth.|- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.
What's your point?
Well, you see, if I'm|gonna turn my life around,
I can't very well|break up your marriage.
I'll have bad luck tor the rest of|my lite, karmically speaking, and I-
I am getting|married tomorrow,
I have nonretundable|tickets to Hawaii,
and I cannot make myself|leave this room.
Well, I like you too, Ben.
I can't go through|with a marriage like that. I can't.
Ben, relax.|We didn't even get to second base.
Have you seen Dr. Holmes|and his wife?
We're doing the raftle.
He's not Dr. Holmes,|and she's not his wite.
Okey dokey?|Okey dokey?
I'm gonna tell her.
I think at the very least|she deserves that.
If I can teel this way|about someone else-
Hey!|Come on!
- Why does this have to get dangerous?|- Get in, you treak!
Is that your ride?
Yeah.|Yeah, it was.
Now what are you|gonna do?
I don't know. Let's go get|the money my tather wired.
That should get us|a cab at least.
This is actually the pertect car|for this trip.
It's already been wrecked, totaled|and destroyed. What else can go wrong?
Well, you asked.
Really. That's interesting.
That's not really|that funny, actually.
I think we should just sit here|and wait tor the locusts to come!
Oh, my God.
- Oh.|- Oh.
- Yeah. All righty.|- Yeah.
She's on tire, Ben.
Well.|I guess we should, uh-
Yeah.|We should-
I am slipping!
This is so wrong.
But it teels so right to me.
Oh, good evening.
Good evening.|Good evening.
- Hi, Joe.|- It is a good evening, isn't it?
Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.
We made a call. There's no|Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.
Unless you're|a veterinary brain surgeon.
Well, all God's creatures|are welcome in my otfice.
But the way you two carry on,|you oughta be ashamed of yourselves!
- You tell 'em.|- There is the matter of your bill.
Thank you very much.
I'm really sorry.
- Let's look at this bill here.|- Seems a little excessive.
No, if you add the two and the two,|that's tour, and then, uh-
Run!|Jesus! Jesus!
How long do you think|before they call the police?
- Oh, about tive minutes ago.|- All right.
Yesterday I was just trying|to get married, today I'm a fugitive.
Okay, I get it now.
This is a sign.|This whole thing is a sign.
I am not supposed to get married.|Loud and clear.
We have to be in Savannah|in the morning.
The tuzz|are atter us.
Hey, Ben, how much was that car|we saw back in the lot?
The disaster car?|It was $150.
'Cause I'm thinking|that if, uh-
It somebody went|into this place right here...
and did, you know, a little bump and grind|tor the good old boys, they could, uh-
they could probably walk out ot there|with that amount ot money in their pocket.
Strip dancing?
You're saying you'd just go in and strip|dance? I'm talking about something serious.
Ben, let's weigh out|our alternatives here.
On one hand, what do we have?|We have a little harmless dancing...
that gets us to Savannah|where I have $25,000 waiting tor me,
and you have what, 130 ot your closest|family and friends waiting for you.
And on the other hand,|we have- oh, look, we have nothing.
Oh, there's nothing there. So, we have|dancing, going to Savannah. Oh, nothing!
- I see where you're going with this.|- You know I'm right.
The tuzz.
All right. Am I being|too prudish about this?
Is that what it is? Maybe I am.|I just gotta open my mind.
You go in there, you take your|clothes otf, you have the power.
Post-feminist. It's aggressive.|You have the power and control.
I know what I'm doing.|Watch my back.
Watch your back?|What, are we on Mod Squad now?
- Hiya. How ya doin'?|- Good.
I was wondering if y'all|had any entertainment.
- We got a pool table out back.|- What would you say to somebody dancing on it...
tor a set price of,|I don't know, $150?
I could guarantee you|a really good show.
- $150 seems like a lot of money.|- What? Look at her.
I am looking at her.|I'm not interested.
How much tor you|to dance?
- Excuse me?|- Ben,
I think this is|one of these places...
where everyone would much rather|see you dance than see me dance.
- You mean-|- Get your hands off of my man
Get your hands off of my man
It's not tunny anymore,|because I don't even like...
to be naked at home|in my shower by myself.
- So, it was okay tor me a minute ago?|- Well, it's on your resume.
If you want me to blurb you|a novel, I could do that.
So much for power and control,|big guy. Get up there.
- All right, I'm sorry.|- There you go.
Oh, watch me ride
I'm a sexual animal|Eat you like a cannibal
Prime for the energy
I'm inflammable
Yeah, I finished my beer|So come here
And get nice while I|Lick your ear
Put your legs over there
And kinda swing on a chair
I swear you look wicked
When your hand|is in your hair
Eyes half closed|Cute little nose
And like a pound|of self raising
I roll and roll
Step out of my clothes
Like I'm doing|the right thing
It was pumping|and she was frightening
Yeah, lightning flashed|and thunder roared
They're really cheering tor you.|You're doing a great job.
Nope. Everyone in here|is looking at your ass.
This is where|I'm lost all night
If loving you is wrong|I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right
Don't wanna be right
If I come first|Well, that's not worse
One take like an earthquake
I'll take a delight in making|the bedsprings sing all night
If loving you is wrong|I don't want to be right
- Whoo! Ha ha! Can do! Let's check it out.|- Come on.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!|Look at that!
Convertible style.
I'm a sexual animal
Eat you like a cannibal
Well, I didn't have...
the g-string and the cowboy boots, but, uh,|I think it was a good showing nonetheless.
Don't be too proud ot yourself.|You weren't that good, Ben.
Don't be jealous.
It's amazing, because the things you find|so exotic and interesting right now...
are gonna be the same things that|you're gonna hate me for in the end.
Why am I hating you|in this scenario? What's-
Okay?|Trust me.
A lot ot stutf's happened really tast.|You're just not registering it.
It's registering, okay?|I'm a gay dancer and I'm proud.
I'm a gay, gay strip dancer|and I love it.
Registered. Cha-ching! Change!
The password is "denial," okay?|You've known me two days.
Two days. Now we're on our way down|to go break up your marriage.
That has|nothing to do with you.
I don't believe you.
I don't either.
Amanda is beginning to gather|strength as it continues...
its journey in the Atlantic.
It's currently|a category two hurricane.
The hurricane is continuing|its push towards the northwest,
and that means the coastlines|of Georgia and South Carolina-
He'll make it.
That's it right there.|Yep.
- Oh, my God, that's Carl.|- Carl?
My husband.
Surprise, sweetheart.|Who's this?
I know it's not the guy you're trying to|sell the place to, 'cause I got an injunction.
This is so fake.
You can't even get|an injunction that tast, all right?
- What are you doing this to me for?|- Carl.
- I have to get back pretty soon, so-|- This is my place, okay?
- I bought it with my money.|- Your place?
- Yeah.|- For chrissakes, Sarah, we're married.
You wanna sell the place?|That's fine, we'll sell the place.
You can send the money down to your kid|it that's what your worried about.
Now, come on.
Come on, angel.|You got no place else to go.
I'm not going, Carl.
You ungratetul bitch.
- What?|- Hey. Hold on.
- Nobody's talking to you, my friend.|- Okay. Just cool it.
- Sarah, get in the car.|- I'm not going, Carl. Forget it. Not going.
- I said get in the car, now!|- No, I'm not getting in the car!
Goddamn you.|Hey, what's your problem?
You sleep with her and you|think that means something?
- You don't know what you're|talking about. - Don't you tell me-
- Ohh!|- You all right? You okay?
- Did you find my thumb?|- Get outta here, Carl.
- Go! Go!|- You know, I got news tor you, buddy.
- You're just the next number on the list.|- Just go home, man.
You know what happened with her kid?|What did she tell you?
Carl, don't.|CarI, don't.
- She let the dad raise him? Well, that's bullshit!|- Shut up.
The kid|chose the tather.
She was never|even around.
But even a six-year-old|could see.
You can't trust her.
Enjoy the ride, pal.
- Hey, are you okay?|- Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.|Now I can't even go see him.
Who?|Your little boy?
- Why? Because of $25,000?|- Yeah.
Aw, Sarah.
I don't know anything|about raising kids,
but I don't think $25,000|is gonna win him over.
I think he wants to see you.
Can't win him over. He obviously|doesn't want what I have to ofter.
Sarah, you have the most|incredible ability...
to make people|absolutely crazy about you.
No, I have the ability|to make people crazy.
That's what I can do.|Really well.
Sarah, everybody loves you.
You just-
You just think|they're all wrong.
When does your wedding start?
Seventeen minutes late.
Ben's usually|very prompt.
You must be|so very proud of him.
I hate to interrupt,|but I think the hurricane...
may arrive|betore the groom.
Good Lord.
Ben, where are you?
Look, we'll-
I just wanna get my bearings|here for a second.
- Well.|- All right.
Two strangers arrive at a wedding.|One invited, one is not.
And as the guests arrive|and the appetizers are served,
the true drama untolds just minutes|trom the altar.
I don't think I'm gonna be able|to blurb my way out of this one.
Nope.|Probably not.
Okay. All right.
I'm just gonna|run in there...
just put a quick stop|to this whole wedding thing, you know.
Maybe grab a tew|gifts on the way out.
- You need anything? Bread maker?|- Um-
- Cuisinart?|- No, no, I think I'm good.
You will be here|when I come back, won't you?
Oh, well, you know me.
I would not presume.
All right. Wish me luck.
Ben, do me a favor and just|forget about luck, okay?
Forget about loyalty,|forget about...
being nice, torget about|polite, okay?
Because this is the rest ot your lite|and possibly somebody else's too.
- Yeah.|- You know?
Just be honest.
If her tather happens|to shoot me on my way out,
I guess I'll see you in heaven.
Yeah.|I don't think I deserve heaven.
Ah, Sarah.
You deserve so much more|than you think.
You deserve to be|with somebody...
who will be really, really depressed|if your plane goes down.
- Hey, Ben.|- Hey, man, what happened to you?
What, did you go swimming?
- Ben! Honey, honey, come on.|- I have to talk to you!
- Dad, I can't right now.|- We just want to talk to you for a minute.
- I can't right now! -|Benjamin! - Get in there!
- All right, Benjamin.|- Barbara, please.
I want you to|listen to your father.
- Ben? We were thinking about...|- Yes.
what you were telling us|on the phone,
and the thing is,|nobody knows if it's gonna work out.
It's all|a leap ot taith.
It just so happened|that in my case, I was lucky.
My heart told me|to do something, I did it,
and 32 years later,|here I am.
Don't speak.|You'll ruin the moment.
You have got|a lot ot nerve!
Now, maybe this is how|they treat women back in New York,
but here in Savannah,|we have a little more respect...
tor the sanctity|ot marriage.
- Oh, do you hear yourself?|- I am not talking to you, Virginia!
- Where's Bridget? I want to marry her.|- Who the hell are you?
- Someone who gets to a wedding on time!|- Hi, we haven't met. I'm Ben.
Steve Montgomery. I used to go out with|Bridget and I'm still in love with her.
- Can I see your invitation?|- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Excuse me! Somebody should be asking|for your invitation, all right?
P.S.- you shouldn't even|be having a wedding!
- I saw him in the hotel last night with some woman!|- Whoa! Hey, untrue!
They are just travel friends.|And she's ugly!
Why do you New Yorkers|have to be so unpleasant?
- I like New York.|- Put 'em up!
- Ben?|- Yeah?
Um, in about tive minutes, we're|supposed to be joined tor eternity,
and I was wondering...
if you were gonna get dressed.
- WelI, it it's eternity,|it can wait.
No, no, I think technically|eternity starts immediately,
especially when there's|ice sculpture involved.
- Well, Bridge.|- Yeah.
The truth is-
I'm sorry.
This always happens at weddings,|you know?
I'm sorry I took so long|to get down here. Something happened.
It's okay.|I know.
Debbie told me, and I told her that|it didn't matter because I trusted you,
and I knew you wouldn't|cheat on me.
And then I threw up. But, um-|Everything else was going wrong.
Everything was going wrong,|and my parents are separated,
and then this guy Steve,|who-
Bridge, you know what?
I always thought that there was this one|perfect person tor everybody in the world.
And when you tound|that person,
like the rest of the world|just kind ot magically taded away...
and the two ot you would just|be inside this kind ot...
protective bubble,|but there is no bubble.
I mean, or if there is,|we have to make it.
I just think that life is more|than a series of moments, you know?
We can make choices, and we can choose|to protect the people we love,
and that's what makes us who we are,|and those are the real miracles.
Stop me when it just becomes glaringly|obvious that I have no idea...
- what I'm talking about.|- No, I know what you're talking about.
I do. I know exactly|what you're talking about.
Farewell, Ben.
I tell in love with you|the moment I saw you.
And when I saw you up there on the balcony,|I tell in love with you all over again.
None ot the plane crashes|and the hurricanes...
and the other people|will ever change that.
Because when I'm on my deathbed,|I'm gonna know...
that I married the only woman|I ever really loved.
I think you just|wrote your vows.
I love you so much.
- Get her out of the rain!|- Guys, hold on.
You guys, it's only rain.
All right, all right.
I'm okay.|I'll be right back.
- It's okay.|- Bridge! Bridget!
You wanna get married|like this?
Let's go get married...|under a waterfall in Hawaii!
- Okay.|- Okay. Let's go.
Morning smiles
Like the face
Of a newborn child
Better said unknowing
From the sight|of a long lost friend
Speaks to me of course
But I feel
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here
In this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
It's nothing I'm not|feeling how to fall
Wind in tow
Grapes the flow|trembling on the vine
- Nothing needs to shelter|- Don't hit my house, bad lightning.
You're gonna|burn us down!
But I feel
I have nothing to give
Well, there's one quote|that pretty much sums it up.
It's from a bishop in the 16th century.
He said,|"Marriage has less beauty...
but more safety|than the single life.
It's full of sorrows|and full of joys.
It lies under more burdens,
but it is supported|by all the strengths of love.
And those burdens|are delightful. "
I have nothing to give
Sometimes the people we meet|change us forever.
I've never forgotten Sarah,|and I'm pretty sure I never will.
Wherever she is,|I really hope she's happy.
In the end, all you can do is|commit to the people you love,
hope for a little luck...
and some good weather.
Hearts gone astray
Keeping hurt when they go
I went away
Just when you needed me so
You won't regret
I'll come back begging you
Don't you forget
Welcome love we once knew
Where life's river flows|No one really knows
You're someone left to show|the way to lasting love
Like the sun it shines|Endlessly it shines
You always will be my|eternal love
Whenever love went wrong|Ours would still be strong
We'd have our own|Everlasting love
This love will last forever
Open up your eyes|Then you'll realize
You've always been my|everlasting love
Need you by my side|Come and be my bride
Never be denied|Everlasting love
From the very start|Open up your heart
Feel the love you got|Everlasting love
Everlasting love
If you're dumb and confused
And you don't remember
Who you're talking to
Just seems to fade
'Cause your baby|is too far away
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
Don't be angry
Don't be sad
Don't sit quiet
Good times you had
'Cause there's a girl
Right next to you
She's just waiting
For something to do
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
Turn your heartache
Right into stone
'Cause she's a girl
A girl alone
So get it together
And you can fight
You're not gonna need|any more goodbye
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with