Forces of Nature (1999) Movie Script
It's a great pleasure-
It's a great pleasure-
It's a great pleasure|to have all of you here today.
I thought you all|might begin your tour here.
I really didn't want|a bachelor party in the first place.
I'll tell you why. It's not|that I'm against tradition.
There's just something bizarre about|having a strange, naked woman...
dance around me while|my friends yell out,
"Go for it, Ben.
Last night of freedom, Ben. "
Last night of freedom|for what?
Which is what I told|my best friend Alan.
I didn't want any strippers.|I didn't wanna get lucky.
I was lucky enough|just getting married.
All right. Quiet!
Guys!
All right. I'm not payin' tor that.|It already was chipped.
We're here to, uh, wish Ben|good luck and good riddance...
as he heads down|that rocky path to matrimony.
And, uh, hey, you know what.
Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa Max|are here. Where are you guys?
Those guys- Watch out.|You guys gotta pace yourselves.
Knowing Ben, I'd have|to say that he's probably,
- uh, one of the most loyal guys that I've ever met,|- Like a dog!
and, uh, monogamous.
And so this is probably|gonna be the last time...
that you're gonna spend|in a room with your friends...
and a n-n-naked woman...
other than your wife, man!
So you can close your eyes|if you want to. Close 'em!
But then you're gonna be missin'|Juanita, the bull tamer!
You don't have to do this.
You really don't|have to do this.
Very nice.
Ole!
Pop?
Pop?
Pop? Max?
Call 911.
How did this happen? Hmm?
What's the ditterence|how it happened?
- I wanna know how it happened.|- It happened.
It makes a difterence|to me.
All ot a sudden he has|a heart attack out of no place?
Mom, can we please|not talk about this now?
What is it you don't|want to talk about?
Mrs. Holmes, it it's any consolation, I|think he was having a really good time.
- Alan, shut up.|- Okay.
- Come into the hall.|- What is in the hall?
A vending machine.|Come on, butchki.
- Who's hungry? I'm buying.|- All hours ot the night-
This is insane.
He probably just ate some spicy food.
It was spicy, all right,|but it wasn't tood.
- Butchki!|- What?
Richard, you are|the silliest old tart.
Grandpa, what came over you?
Hmm?
- Hey.|- Ben.
- You all right?|- Ben.
She was the most|beautitul woman I ever saw.
What about Nana?
Did you ever take a good look|at your grandmother?
Woman looked like Tolstoy.
I was never|attracted to her.
Oh, maybe in the beginning,
because she was the only woman|I'd ever been with.
Well, you know, that's great.|That's, uh- That's loyalty.
Loyalty? It's fear.
Did you ever teel her arms, her-
Oh, Ben, I used to|dream about other women.
What it would be like|to hold them and to-
- Okay.|- Touch them and to-
- That's-|- Smell them.
Grandma smelled. She had|a very distinct smell. It was a-
Ben. Ben.
Listen to me.
Don't tie yourselt down.
Even if you love|a woman, it tades.
Marriage is a prison.
Ben!
Could I help you out?|Here we go.
- You just passed my room.|- Sorry.
Feel better.
Hi.
- Hi, sweetie.|- Honey.
Oh, why does everything feel|so much better now that you're here?
- How's he doing?|- He's stable.
- You know, physically, at least.|- Great.
What happened?
What do you expect? He's an 80-year-old|man with high blood pressure...
and a naked balloon-popping toreador|is a rough combination.
- It didn't pan out. It's not funny.|- It's not funny.
- Be serious.|- There's something I want to do.
- Okay. Why?|- I wanna be able to remember this moment in 30 or 40 years.
Think my next husband|will get a kick out of it.
Oh, that's nice.|Okay.
It's the night before I am flying down|to Savannah tor our wedding alone,
because Ben's grandtather, who we|will now reter to as Larry Flynt,
has partied himselt|into intensive care.
- What do you have to say?|- Put the video camera away.
No, no, no, honey,|you're not going to get off that easy.
No, I'm saving it|for my vows.
I have already|finished my vows.
What's in 'em?
You know why? Because|it's easy tor you. I'm a writer.
- Oh, really?|- I can't just slap something down on paper like you do.
Ben, listen.
You don't have|to be brilliant...
or witty or clever|or polite even.
Just have|to be honest.
Come on. Say something.|What are you feeling?
Are you nervous?|Are you happy? Are you scared?
Am I scared?|What would I be scared ot?
- I'm scared.|- You are? Why? Now you're making me scared.
Because it's a big thing. It's our|marriage. It's the rest of our lives.
It's- It's scary.
I know. I'm not scared.
- The only thing we have to tear-|- Yeah?
- Is this video camera.|- Hey! Come on! Just say a few words tor posterity.
What, what, what
What
What, what
Follow me to the scene|What
Really? You think|I can rent shoes down there?
I can't believe|I forgot my shoes.
I hear they have shoes in Savannah now.|The whole South has 'em.
All right.|Wedding dress. Check.
Check tor the minister.|Check.
Valium tor Bridget's|mother. Check.
- Ball and chain for you. Check.|- Not listening to you. Check.
- Here, look. Here you go.|- Thanks.
This is your present, okay?|It's a book ot quotes.
I crossed out the ones I'm gonna|use in my toast. Listen.
"To say that you can love|one person all your lite...
is like saying that one candle will|continue to burn as long as you live. "
- Think about that for a minute.|- I will. That's profound.
This is used.
I forgot the rings.
That's not tunny.|No, don't do that.
I torgot the rings, so-
Come on, man! No!
Relax. I'll catch|the next plane.
Son ot a bitch!
I'll see ya in Savannah.|Hey, I need to go to the city.
- New York! New York City!|- No, I can't.
Don't take|the Van Wyck though.
Hurricane Amanda|is headed for the Southeast coastline.
The eye ot the hurricane is|presently located 200 miles...
east of South Carolina|and Savannah, Georgia.
North, northwest-
Excuse me, folks.
Just the line's movin' forward.
No. Well, I love you.
I love you more.
No, I love you more.
No, you more.
No, I love you more.
Okay, I have to go, because|I just made another passenger nauseous.
Okay?
That's my tiancee.
Goin' down to get married,|so we're a little-
Oh! Jack Bealy,|Snap-On Tools.
Ben Holmes,|scared of tlyin'.
- Yeah, I was married once.|- Yeah?
To me marriage|is just one big lie.
You don't say.
In the morning I had to say,|'Don't be silly, honey.
Your breath is fine.|You smell like a rose. "
Then I had to say, '"No, honey.
I never noticed|that 18-year-old girl...
with the tantastic body and halter top|that delivers our newspaper.
She can't hold|a candle to you...
and the 30 pounds you've put on|since we stopped having sex. "
So when's the wedding day?
May cancel it.|I may have to call back.
I didn't mean to throw a wet towel on ya|with my whole marital disaster tirade.
It's all right. It was a nice story|actually. It was very touching.
- Nice girl?|- Very nice.
As a matter ot fact, I just happen|to have a picture of her right here.
- Wow, what a knockout.|- Yeah, she's beautitul.
- Oh, baby, come to Daddy.|- Well, take it easy, Jack.
What I wouldn't give|for an ass like that.
- Huh? Here we go.|- Hi.
- This is me.|- Really?
Well, this is your|lucky day, sweetheart.
We got just about enough room|tor one ot you, darlin'.
Must be destiny, huh?
- Careful.|- Okay.
- Excuse me.|- Yeah.
- Sorry.|- Hmm?
I was reading what you were writing. My|eye just kind of wandered over. Sorry.
Do you work for Hallmark?
Even if I had seen you looking at it,|that wouldn't bother me.
Well, I don't care either.
I'm absolutely tascinated you|can't admit you saw me reading it.
If I had seen you reading it,|I'd be perfectly happy to admit it.
Then why did you|close your computer?
I'm known to do that|trom time to time.
I'm a rebel. I'll open it,|then I'll close it again just like that.
Don't get next to my fire,|because you'll get burned.
This is not working properly.
Stewardess, this isn't-|Miss? Thank you.
You're a little jumpy|tor a rebel, aren't ya?
My seat belt's|not functioning properly.
He's a scared flier.|Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.
Sarah Lewis.|And you are?
Ben Holmes. Really,|I'm not that scared.
- Jack's- - I can assure you|absolutely nothing is going to happen.
I speak from experience.|I was a tlight attendant. There you go.
Oh, yeah?|In one ot those little uniforms?
Please stay calm!
Oh, my God!
Hold on!
Oh, my God!|This is a disaster.
- Daddy.|- Oh, for heaven sake.
- Let's go live-|- On the other hand,
you can never have|too many ot these.
- It's tabulously colorful.|- Give you that.
How tar do you think|I could throw it?
Don't you dare, young-|Give me that now.
To the hospital for minor injuries.
Ceramic clown trom the?
- Brewsters.|- My God! That's Ben!
There's no official word|on the cause of the crash.
There may have been|a foreign object-
Let's get some help!
She hit her head.
Everyone's pretty shook up.
We had a couple ot passengers go to|a local hospitaI with concussions.
Oh, my God. There he is again.
Call me!|Oh, Ben! I love you.
Call me! No. Go back.
There you have it.|The latest information-
Hello? Ah, Ben!
Hi, honey. Yeah, I'm fine.|No, I'm okay.
I'm a little trazzled.
I mean, I was|in a plane crash.
This place is a nightmare.
People are running around.|I guess they lost everything.
I don't care about any ot that.|I'm just so happy you're okay.
I- I-I just wish that-
- Ben! Ben, listen.|- TelI him, um-
- What happened?|- You just get yourself down here sate and sound.
The thing is, I'm a little bit scared|to fly before I was in a plane crash,
so I don't teel|much like getting-
- Jesus!|- You are a god.
- You are a god amongst all men. Do you realize that?|- I'm on the phone.
- Sorry.|- Do you mind?
- What in the hell?|- Just one ot the passengers.
- He saved my lite!|- She's kidding.
It's a joke.
I'm gonna get a rental car|and drive down there, okay?
I'll call you w-w-when|I have a finalized plan.
Okay, great.|Thank you, sir.
Sorry. I couldn't|contain myself.
It's amazing when you think about it.|We almost died today. Dead.
Isn't there a rent-a-car this way?|Are we goin' the right way?
It I died, how|many people would care?
I mean, really care.|You'd have your shares of "What a shame.
What a waste.|She was so young. "
- But no real crying.|- It might be in that terminal.
No eating disorders,|no attempted suicides.
Nothing.|Absolutely depressed.
You know what?|I'm thoroughly depressed.
I just need to shake it otf.
So what were you thinking?
I was thinking how it would attect|our trequent flier miles.
What do you do|tor a living?
I'm a, uh,|jacket copywriter.
Huh. What does that mean?
- Means I write jackets to books basically.|- Oh.
Do mostly fiction,|but I do some nontiction.
You do blurbs. You're a blurb writer.|You're a "blurbologist. "
I'm a jacket copywriter.
As you can imagine,
- due to today's minor incident-|- Oh, sh-
Nada cars. Non cars.|Cars nyet.
You should have called|as soon as you got otf the plane.
Why didn't I think of that|when I was unconscious...
and bleeding trom the head?
So, cars nyet. We can check|the other airports though.
No, that's all right.|You can go ahead.
I'm not that big a fan ot the idea|of getting on another plane today...
or tomorrow or ever,|it that soon.
But you go ahead. I think I'm gonna be a|ground transportation kind ot guy trom now on.
I'll be right back.
How ya doin'?|Did ya get a car?
- This is Vic. He's gonna give us a ride.|- All the way to Georgia?
Sure. We split the cost|ot the car, the gas, whatever.
- Great.|- Good. Let's go.
- Okay.|- Wait, wait, wait. We don't even know this guy.
- He's Vic.|- Oh, he's Vic.
Great, he's Vic.|He chops us up, leaves us in the woods.
That's why I asked that you|come along to protect me.
How do you know|that I'm not dangerous?
I said, hallelujah|to the 16 royal fins
You're gettin' down|on your knees
And it's time for|your sickness again
Come on and|tell me what you need now
Tell me what is|making ya bleed
We got two more minutes sayin' we're|gonna cut you what you need
What's your story, Ben?|What's down in Savannah?
- My wedding, Vic.|- No kiddin'. That's great.
- Isn't that great?|- Yeah, it's a blessing.
- First marriage?|- That I know of, yeah.
Yeah, I was married once.
One day I walk into the house|and I hear the shower runnin'.
I had Chinese tood with me, figurin'|it would be a nice romantic surprise.
She starts singin'|in the shower.
What's that song?|"Up in the sky"? "Up with the eagles"?
- '"Wind Beneath My Wings. " Very touching song.|- "Wind Beneath My Wings. "
Suddenly there's another|voice in the shower with her.
- Oh, no.|- A baritone.
Uh-oh.
Now it's a treakin' duet.
So I walk in the bathroom and|there she is... with my brother.
- Oh!|- I grab my brother and throw him through the window naked.
He broke his leg|in two difterent places.
Dare we ask what,|uh, became of your wife?
I put the wind beneath her ass|and sent her packin'. Divorced her.
She never got a penny,|the lyin', whorin', adulteratin' pig.
What about you, sweetheart?|What's your story?
I'm going down to visit my brother|and hang out with my nephew.
That's nice. Kids.
- Yep. Got any?|- Nah. But I see 'em all over.
Come on, come on
So what else have you|jacket copywritten?
What else did I do?|The low point of my career was...
I did the blurb|tor a thriller...
about a woman-|an archaeologist-
who tinds love|in the pyramids.
It was called|Me And My Pharaoh.
- I have that book.|- No, you don't.
Yes, I do. "A scintillating tale|ot erotic mummitication. "
I wrote that line.
Oh, my God! That's|why I bought the book.
Anybody who could tind embalming|either scintillating or erotic...
had to be read.
- It was brilliant.|- Well, you know, I mean, it's all about adjectives.
I was gonna go with "engaging tale|ot erotic mummitication" tirst.
- But then I said, no, scintillating.|- Right on the money.
It's still selling now,|but at least I get to write.
What do you do?
I haven't settled down|to one particular thing yet.
Worked at galleries, sold cars,|tried out tor "Aladdin On Ice. "
Um, wedding videographer.
I got fired, though, because|apparently nobody wants a crash zoom...
to the priest|during the ceremony.
I was a exotic dancer,|hostess at the New York auto show.
- That's a gift.|- Yeah.
Let's see. What else?
- Is there anything else?|- I don't think so.
- Kids, we should get goin'.|- You got it, Vic.
Two wayward travelers stuck|in a Geo with a guy named Vic.
Don't you think this is|just a little bit over the top?
Oh, so what it it is?
Knock, knock.
- Steve! How are you?|- I'm good, real good.
- Virginia, nice to see ya.|- Well, hi, Steve.
Bridget.
Yes. I mean, hi. Hi.
Steve? How are you?
- It's been a long time.|- Yeah.
You look wondertul.
Thank you.|So do you.
- So, how are you?|- How is he?
Just the most successful lawyer|in Savannah. That's how.
Youngest member at his tirm.|Handles all my work.
Which I appreciate, 'cause there's not a|contractor who gets sued more than your daddy.
And what's so tunny|about that, Hadley?
God, you are|an unpleasant woman.
Gale torce winds it the|hurricane stays on course for Savannah.
Anybody want some weed?
The experiment was a|complete failure. The U.F.O. landed-
It's sinsemilla.|It'Il take your head right off.
That's great, Vic. You think you should|have your head taken otf while driving?
- Can I have some?|- Atta girl.
You sure you|don't want, Ben?
No, that's okay. I had some peyote|for lunch, so I'm all set.
He's getting married. Don't forget.|He has to be responsible.
Not necessarily.|You know, look at the Fitzgeralds.
F. Scott and Zelda,|crazy, married couple.
They drove a-
Had to know about that.
- Whoa! Hey!|- Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, shit!
Uh, what's that?
- Do you hear that?|- What's what?
Hi, honey. How are the bridesmaids'|dresses comin' out?
Good. No, everything's tine.|I just got a little bit delayed.
Car trouble,|in a manner of speaking.
But I'm fine.|Everything's gonna be okay.
Yes, I know.|WelI, I love you too.
Well, hoo-hoochie,|I love you so much.
Baby, no, because I love you more.|I love you more-
Honey, I can't do this right now.
- I'm gonna miss my wedding.|- Oh, relax, Benjie.
It's a simple drug bust.|It's not like we killed anybody.
This may be an everyday event in your|life, but speaking as a non-felon-
I'm on a bit of|a time crunch here, too, okay?
If I don't make it down to Savannah by|Saturday morning, I lose 25,000 bucks.
Are you on Dig For Dollars? You told me you|were going to visit your brother and nephew.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, kids.|Here's the situation.
Vic DeFranco was driving|with an expired license.
Plus he's got three priors|tor possession and selling.
And there was ten ounces in the vehicle|that he admits is his.
Did anybody else know|there were drugs in the car?
- No, sir. In fact, I just met this man-|- You can't-
You can't ask us these questions|without an attorney present.
You haven't advised us|of our rights.
I believe that's called-
Oh- Ah!|A Miranda violation. That's it.
This is a|very simple procedure.
You tell me you didn't do anything illegal.|you sign a statement. And you go quietly.
Sir, I'd like to be considered|separate from her, sir.
- Hmm. What part of quiet didn't you understand?|- What are you doing?
Why me?
Well, I think that went well.
- I'm not that happy with how that went.|- No?
No, not really.
I haven't known you that long, but|I think something may be wrong with you.
- May we have two tickets|to Savannah, please?
You want these seats|together?
It's totally up to you.
- Just give me one second. Can I talk to you?|- Yeah.
I just, uh-|I don't want to be rude or anything,
but in situations like this,|I think about...
what I would want Bridget to do|it the situation were reversed.
I wouldn't necessarily be|that comtortable with her...
riding down on a train|together with some guy...
who she had a,|you know, kind ot a connection...
or a chemistry or spark,
whatever, some kind|of a thing like that.
You know, and-
The look on your tace|is telling me you have no-
You're not feeling|or you're not sensing-
- You have no idea what I'm-|- Oh, no, no, not really.
Fascinating. Okay.
Maybe we just shouldn't|ride down together,
because at this point I really|made kind of a chump out of myselt.
Okay.
- Have a nice nuptial.|- Thank you.
Other than the drug bust|and the plane crash, it was, uh, tun.
So long, Sarah.
- FarewelI, Ben.|- Okay.
'Oscar Wilde:|One should always be in love.
This is the reason|one should never marry. "
Well, what did he know?
What you writing there,|mister?
My wedding vows actually.|My fiancee and I are writing our own.
Oh, that's sweet.|Isn't that sweet, Emma?
- It's sweet as pie.|- We didn't write our own vows.
It's kind ot a new thing.|It's nontraditionalist.
We were so nervous. It was hard enough|to do what the preacher told us.
I didn't really think about it at all. It|just seemed natural, the order ot things.
I had doubts. I'll be honest.
- You did? You never told me that.|- I don't tell you everything.
You better, you old geezer.
It seems like it worked out|pretty well tor both ot you.
Oh, we're not married.|We're having an atfair.
I'm happy for|the first time in 34 years.
- I don't believe this.|- I don't have any regrets.
My children are long gone,|and I gave my wite 30 taithtul years.
Until I met Ned,|I always was convinced...
that sex was some horrible obligation|God put on women...
like cramps or high heels.
For all those years,|she never experienced a genuine orgasm.
Wondertul.|Could you watch my stutf?
I'm gonna go pull|the emergency cord.
- Hi. How are you?|- Hi.
- Truck.|- What do you have?
A truck? Can I see?|Hey, hey, let me see your truck.
- Grab my nose. Oh!|- Grab nose.
What are you doin'?
What are you doin'?|Slap me five. Slap me five.
- Five!|- Slap me tive.
Something's wrong.|He should have called by now.
He can take care ot himselt.|He's a grown man, isn't he?
Daddy, what is it exactly|that you don't like about Ben,
besides the tact that he's from|New York and he voted tor Clinton?
- That's not enough?|- I voted for Clinton.
All the best presidents|sleep around.
Help.
Hello? Oh, hi, Steve.
Ooh.
Oh, nothing, just, uh, you know,|staving oft a nervous break down.
Oh, well, thank you,|but I can't.
No. No, no, it does.|It does sound like fun.
But quite trankly, a series ot|rabies shots sounds like tun...
compared to another evening|with these two.
Bridget, come watch the biography|of Newt with me. He's amazing!
He is not.|He's an imbecile.
- No, he's not. He's a damn genius.|- Well, then, you're an imbecile.
Maybe I can come by|for just a little while.
The train will be underway momentarily.
We apologize|for the inconvenience.
Hello!
Can you hear me?
Is anybody out there?
No, but leave a message,|and we'll call you back!
Hi.
I wasn't|expecting an answer.
I wasn't expecting to tind|some crazy woman on the roof.
Wanna come up?
No, not really. I think probably that|the top ot the train might be otf-limits.
I know. How many times in your life you|gonna see a view like this? Come on.
Seize the moment,|Benjie. Come on.
I am. I'm eye level|with the sunset here,
so I have a better view|because I'm-
Come up.
Okay, buddy, this time, we're gonna|do it with a little more teeling.
- Okay.|- We're just gonna-
Echo!
I am alive!
Just a little- Open.|Just push out.
Push out. No one can hear you.|Just throw it out there.
I am somebody!
- I think-|- Oh, God.
I think He heard me.|Excuse me. I'm fine.
Let me show you how I do it.|Okay, ready?
All right, here we go.
Oh, God!
Stella!
Well, that was nice.|You know, I mean, as sunsets go.
This is interesting.|I don't remember the rooster car.
- Do you remember seeing roosters?|- No, I'm a vegetarian.
Oh, no, not again.|Didn't you two hear the announcement?
When we stop|outside Youngsville,
no one on the Savannah-bound train is|supposed to board the last three cars.
- We uncouple there, and then we reroute.|- What does that mean?
That means this train's|going to Chicago.
Aah!
I got you. I got you.
You try to seize the moment,|you end up getting yourself killed.
- Will you jump? It's not going that fast.|- It's too tast!
I got you. I got you.|There you go.
There's another one coming tomorrow|afternoon, or there's a bus station in town.
Okay, thanks!
I'm starting to get the teeling that there's|maybe a hint that I'm not getting here.
Just spell it out tor me!
- That pretty much spell it out for ya?|- I'd say it does.
Whoo! Yeah!|Whoo!
Hey! Come on!|What are you doing?
- Oh! Come on!|- Oh!
Whee!
Oh, come on!
Ah! It kills. It kills. Ah!
Ow!
- Not exactly a hub city, I guess.|- No!
But we'll come back|in the morning.
- What do we do tor the next 12 hours?|- Come on.
- I have an instinct about these things.|- No! It's hailing! No!
How are you?
It's so good to see you!
- You gotta see Linda. Remember Linda?|- Hi!
Hey, you guys, look who came.|Bridget's getting married this weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey
- Ouch! It kills! It kills!|- Hey, hey, hey, hey
Oh! Oh, man!
- It's open 24 hours.|- What are you doing? No, no, hey.
Benjie, they|cannot kick us out.
- Please, get up.|- Oh, God!
I love this place so much.
- Oh! Oh!|- This is dry. It's the best thing I can say.
Oh, my God,|this is heaven.
Baby has an old witch doll|My baby rang his bell
I didn't have the time to tell|my baby fare you well
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Takes him down.
I just wish we'd|stayed in touch.
- I regret not keeping the friendship going.|- We're triends.
Steve, triends.
I regret that too.
How can I just|let you walk away
Let you leave|without a trace
When I stand here|taking every breath
With you|Ooh, ooh
You're the only one who|really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
There's just|an empty space
There's nothing lett here|to remind me
Just the memory|ot your tace
Take a look at me now
- Do you remember that song?|- Yeah.
I thought you would.
All I'm saying is that I don't|understand the idea of living...
with just one person|tor the rest ot my life.
How do you make|a choice like that?
That's like choosing what|you're gonna wear in 25 years.
It things worked that way, everyone|would still be wearing hot pants.
- Ya dig?|- I never wore hot pants, so there goes your whole argument.
Hey, life is supposed|to be a ride, right?
You want to be on your deathbed saying,|"I played by all the rules," or "I lived"?
'Cause I lived. I loved.|I tought. I broke hearts.
I screamed. I bled.
I guess thinking like that can explain|your hostility toward marriage.
I don't have hostility toward marriage.|I just have hostility towards my husband.
You're married?
Yep. Twice, actually.
you saw him. I was|kissing him at the airport.
My husband Carl was a hustler|from the first day I met him.
Who am I to talk?|I was a dog walker.
He convinced me I should invest|in a bagel store down in Savannah,
because he thought they couldn't|make good bagels.
That's why they lost|the Civil War.
Of course, we had|to invest all my money,
because Carl's was tied up|in some phony tax shelter.
- Is that your $25,000 you were talking about?|- Yep.
I am going to sell the place,|get the last in a string of divorces.
Ot course, he doesn't|know about it, or the divorce.
Wow. What a story.
So do you think it's|a terrible thing I'm doing?
You know,|deceiving my husband?
No, I-|It's none of my business.
Well, I do.
Beg you listen me, don't be|kissin' me till I'm done
I'm some champion of reason|like seasoning
Pepper your thoughts with spice|and entice you to a space
Where bass players|or layers are leaps
Think what I think|with my prayers, it's nice
My world is everything|I've become contained
In the hum|between voice and drum
I'm comin' from the same place|I'm still runnin' from
Even sittin' in the garden|I can still get stung
- Hi.|- Hello.
I'm gonna go outside|and take a walk.
Will you watch|my stutt tor me?
- Yeah, sure.|- Okay.
My Jesus
Mr. Spiro, hi.|It's Sarah Lewis.
Yeah, listen, I'm on my way down to sell|the bagel shop. I should be there-
What?
No.
Mr. Spiro, I think|that's a misunderstanding,
'cause the man who called couldn't|possibly have been my husband.
No.
No, Mr. Spiro, actually, my husband|- He's coming with me to sell the property.
- Hi.|- No, no, no, no. I have these. How ya doin'?
- It's okay. I can pay for them.|- It's the least I can do.
- Two tor the 9:30 to Savannah, please.|- Thank you.
Residents of Savannah,|Georgia, are at risk...
for the hurricane to make landfall|by tomorrow afternoon.
Where's my wallet?
Fun in the sun.
You've already won.|We're taking you to Miami.
Hey, Ben,|you know what this is?
This is one ot those real estate things|where they give you prizes.
You look at one ot their condos. I used|to do phone solicitation for these guys.
I was wonderin' why you hadn't|mentioned phone solicitation.
They'll take you anywhere it they think|there's a chance of you buyin' a condo.
I'm sure you've done this before,|but it's not my speed.
Benjie, make you|a deal, okay?
I will get you on the bus. I'll get you|down to Savannah for your wedding,
if once we're down there just for a couple|ot minutes, you pretend you're my husband.
What do I have to do? Treat you badly|and get you to make bad investments?
No. We have no other option.|What options do we have? Zero. None.
Yet still somehow, they seem|more appealing than this one.
I'm going another way.|Wait, Sarah.
- I don't wanna be your husband.|- Ben. Ben.
- Do you think I like these?|- I don't know. Everybody's ditterent.
No, Ben, this is not tor me.|This is tor a little person.
- I know, your nephew.|- No, not my nephew, my son.
- You have a son?|- Yes, I have a son.
I have a ten-year-old boy who lives|in Savannah with my tirst ex-husband.
And, um, I haven't seen him|in, like, two years.
I wanted to take the money trom the|store, and I wanted to give it to him...
for college or school|or whatever he wanted.
It didn't matter to me,|but I can't go in there empty-handed.
So, please?
Hey, everybody.|I want your attention for one second.
Hey, everybody.|I want your attention for one second.
I'm like to introduce|two new sun seekers.
Okay, Ben and Sarah.
- Holmes and Lewis.|- Just married.
Yes, I'm keeping my name.|What am I? His slave?
They missed their bus, so|I thought we'd give them a ride.
Actually, as it turns out,|they are looking for a place to live.
We were gonna stay with his parents, but I can|take that tor a week betore I poke out my eye.
No otfense, honey,|but really, they're not human.
And guess what, everybody.|You're gonna love this. Ben is a doctor.
We came to the right bus.
Tell 'em what|your specialty is.
What's your|speciality, pooky?
Tsk.
He's a surgeon. Yeah.
- Going to be.|- Going.
He's shy.|Brain surgeon.
That's why we're|relocating down to Miami.
Let's tace tacts. It's like|one big emergency room down there.
No oftense. No otfense.
Every day I get in the queue
Too much, magic bus
Get on the bus|It takes me to you
I'm so nervous|I just sit down and smile
Okay, one hour fiesta. A little taste|of Mexico, and you can drink the water.
Ben Holmes.|Sorry about the collect call.
I'll reimburse you when I get-|Okay. Is Bridget around?
Uh-huh. She's out to lunch.|Okay. Who's Steve?
- Come on.|- Yes.
Hyah, hyah, hyah.
Hyah, hyah,|hyah, hyah.
Hi.
You wanna go on|the spinning sombrero ride?
- No, not really.|- Oh, come on.
Bunch of 70-year-olds|are going. Come on.
Sarah, there's two kinds|of people in lite.
The kind that look at the spinning|sombrero ride and think...
that there's maybe some|amusement to be had there...
and the kind that look at it and think,|"Where will I throw up atter?"
You really should get some thrills in|your lite before you die.
- Nausea is not a thrill.|- Shh!
I've noticed you around.
Everybody, say,|"Come on, Ben. "
Come on, Ben!
All right.
Whoo!
Don't throw up on me, Tony.
Let it out, baby!
Murray!
Hey! Stop the ride!
Stop the ride!
Give him some room.
Where's Dr. Holmes?|Anybody see Dr. Holmes? Dr. Holmes!
Dr. Holmes, I think we, uh-|I think we need you.
Step back. Let the doctor|do some work, huh?
- Uh, all right. Call 911.|- Somebody call 911!
We're gonna get|your head back here.
Okay. Listen for breath,|check tor a pulse.
Hey, you know what.|Step back, guys.
Let him breathe|a little bit, huh? Step back.
Excuse me, guys.|Excuse me.
Dr. Keller,|this is Dr. Holmes.
He suffered an acute|myocardial infarction...
that was complicated|by ventricular fibrillation.
Okay.
But he's going to be fine.|You saved his lite. Good work, Doctor.
Good work.
Hey, everyone, I think|out of respect for Florence,
we're gonna stay|here in town tonight, okay?
I made arrangements|at a local moteI.
We really have to get on the road,|so we're gonna part ways here.
- I absolutely insist. See ya outside.|- No, no, no, we're-
Wow. What a passion pit.
It's the honeymoon suite. Imagine|what the wedding must have been like.
Mm-mmm.
I think I'm gonna|take a bath.
- Hi.|- Door won't close.
Need some help?
Thank you.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
If I call|three times a day
Come and drive|my blues away
Be ready to play
Do your, do your
If you want|to have some luck
Give your baby|your last buck
And it you can't be
With the one|you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Love the one|you're with
- I heard you said|you didn't love me
If I need attention
Call, I'll call you|on the phone
I'm gonna head down to the gitt shop.
- It's Ben.|- Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.
If my radiator|gets too hot
Yeah, Dad, uh, wire|the money to, uh,
Cash-O-Gram otfice|in Orin, South Carolina.
Yeah, Ben, Orin, South Carolina,|but what are you do-
- What is he doing in South Carolina?|- I'm handling this.
What are you doing|in South Carolina?
What's going on? Are you coming|through the Bermuda Triangle?
Could I talk to|you guys a second?
- Certainly.|- Yeah, sure.
I was wondering-|I mean, I- Are you happy?
- You're asking if we're happy?|- Yeah.
- We're very proud ot you.|- That's not what he asked.
- He asked if we're happy.|- I heard what he said.
- Why shouldn't we be happy?|- I mean, uh-
With your lives together,|with your marriage.
- What kind ot questions are these?|- What's this about?
Well, on the way down here,|I met this woman.
- Oh, Ben, you idiot!|- Would you let him talk?
What woman, you idiot?
She's just-|It's not like that.
It's just that she's completely|ditferent than anyone I've ever met.
Please! They always are!
This is not good timing.
- You're supposed to be getting married.|- I know, Mom.
I want to know how, when you got married, how|you knew you were the right ones for one another.
I understand. Listen to me.
Ben, when I met your father, I had|an opportunity to marry Sam Wellman.
- Sam Wellman?|- Shh! Will you please?
- Who is now a very prominent|businessman- - He sells pools.
They're not even built-in.|They're the kind you blow up.
- Some are built-in.|- Even they leak.
It's okay. You know what?|It's tine.
I was just curious,|but it's-
Dad, I appreciate it|it you could wire the money.
- I'll be down there as soon as I can, okay?|- Okay, kid. Take care, huh?
Yeah. Bye-bye.
Thanks.
- Whoo! Okay.|Okay, now, we're honeymooning.
All right.
But, I mean, it seems like|what you're saying, though,
is that marriage|itself is good.
Oh, you know, yeah- You gotta remember|your parents were young once.
They went out dancing.
They made love|in the back seats of cars.
Then they got married and had kids,|and the kids, they slowly...
sucked the life|right out of them,
until all their passion,|all their visions of a life...
of great adventure are reduced|to hoping to be able...
to sit on a goddamned toilet|in peace!
Well, I'm gonna get|something to eat, Joe, so I-
Well, I'm gonna get|something to eat, Joe, so I-
- I can't believe it!|- How weird!
- Ben! Oh my God!|- Hey!
- What's going on? Hey, Debbie.|- Hi!
- How are ya?|- I'm good.
- What are you doing here?|- What are you doing here?
Uh, it's- You would not believe|what happened to me.
Tell me about it. When they closed|La Guardia, I couldn't get a flight...
out ot Newark or J.F.K.,|but, uh, luckily, uh,
Debbie here|had a vehicle.
Uh, well, there's a certain symmetry|there. Best man, maid ot honor.
- You know.|- Well, not really.
- This is Joe.|- Hi. Farrell.
Head ot the Sunshine Seekers|Real Estate Company.
Joe, uh-|Joe gave me a ride down here.
And it was a pleasure.|Quite a couple.
- So, you guys staying here?|- No, no, it's like the only place for miles.
You know, we thought we'd stop,|get a bite to eat, pee.
- Yeah, so come on. We'll give you a litt.|- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- You're not taking the good doctor away trom us now.|- The good doctor?
So, maybe you guys|should just eat,
and I'Il just come back down|and meet you in say, you know-
- Fifteen minutes? Is that good?|- Great.
- Let me grab the stuft out ot my room.|- You got a- You got a room?
- Yeah, the honeymoon suite.|A little ba-da-bing.
That's right.|Rehearsing tor tomorrow night.
- What's tomorrow night?|- Hey, this kid's gettin' married.
Yeah.
That's- that's funny.|He's already married.
That's true,|you know,
but, uh, in my heart|I'm already there.
But we all have lives to lead, so let's move|on with that, and I'll see you guys in a bit.
Nice talking to ya, Joe.|Okay, guys.
You gotta have heart
Please, ma'am,|I need your signature, ma'am.
Signature? For what?
Look at this.|It says "'damaged. " Do you see?
- Can you read, young man? D-|A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged. - Damaged.
We're very proud ot Ben.
If he's late, believe you me,|he has a good reason.
What I don't understand is how,|in this day and age...
ot A.T.M.'s and cell phones|and the Internet...
and Voyager Two,
could it take two days-|two days-
to get from New York|to Savannah.
Oh, don't drink|out of the bottle, darling.
Thank you.
We are really|very proud ot him.
This is ridiculous.
I'll put an end to this|right now.
Pretending to be a doctor, listening to|my parents' advice on my personal lite.
Sarah? Sarah?
And where's my lousy|maid of honor? Where's Debbie?
Huh?|Can I not at least have that?
Who's supposed to be pouring me drinks while|I'm being stood up by the so-called groom?
Answer me that.|Thank you.
Honey, he'll be here.|It's all gonna work out.
It's true, Bridge.|Husband and wife, that is something.
It must be nice to see your parents|back together, though.
Yeah, talk about|a match made in hell.
What do you mean,|"back together?"
What do you mean|you're separated?
Oh, honey, baby,|sugar lump,
it means your tather|has an apartment he stays in...
- when you're not here.|- I'm never here.
I stay there a lot.
When were you|going to tell me?
Honey, we didn't want to|spoil your wedding.
This is your special time.|WelI, it would have been.
Okay.
Get me outta here.
Whoo!
- Look who's here. Hey, Ben.|- There's Ben.
I want to buy this man-
Whoo!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Get out there.
How can you|resist it?
You look like you should be writing to your|congressman to protest cuts in Medicare.
Really? That's exactly|the look I was going tor,
compliments ot|Sun Seeker Phyllis.
Listen, Sarah,|I just ran into, uh-
Shh. You can't do|two things at one time.
- Well, the plans that we sort ot-|- Okay.
You obviously didn't win your tiancee|over on the dance tloor either, did you?
How did you|and Bridget meet?
- Uh, at a party.|- And?
- It was a surprise party.|- Oh, what a beautitul story.
It must have been|a magical night.
No wonder you can't|write your vows.
No ottense, but I'm not sure I should be|taking romantic advice from you.
- You think?|- Failure's a fantastic teacher.
You could learn from my mistakes.|I could tell you...
everything I hated about my husbands and|my boytriends so you don't do the same.
- Should I get a pad?|- Get a scroll.
- A scroll?|- Aw, okay.
Never forget her birthday. Make|a really, really big deaI out of it.
Atter sex, hold her|for a little while.
- You know, talk to her like a human being.|- Ah.
Uh, oh, and do not|wear your socks to bed.
- Why?|- No socks to bed,
because you might not be|all that attractive to begin with.
No. Keep going.
Always, always side with her|in an argument with your mother.
Um, listen to her|like you mean it.
Supportiveness is|a really, really sexy turn-on.
- Never, ever hit.|- No.
No.|And, um,
- no matter what annoying habits she has,|- Mm-hmm.
just realize that she's dealing with a|huge mountain ot imperfections every day.
So you might just|want to let it go.
- That's it.|- That's it?
Yep.
- Hey, can I sit there?|- Hey.
- Hey- Aaah! Ohhh!|- Oh!
Uh, let's get some air.
- Why?|- I'm just- I'm hot.
Grilled prawns|or something?
One second.
- What's the matter with you?|- Hmm?
- What's the matter with you?|- Nothing's the matter with me. Do, uh-
- Do you know how to swim?|- Of course I know how to swim.
Aaah!
I'm tellin' you,|I saw him come out here.
That- That's him down there.|That's him.
- I don't see anything.|- There's a body at the bottom ot the pool.
No, I think that's|just a big drain.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, and P.S.- you're a moron.
Hello? Excuse me?|Hi. Hi.
- Do you know Ben Holmes?|- I'm sorry. Know who?
Ben Holmes. Is that Ben|at the bottom of the pool?
I don't know, but I could|go ask tor you.
It's not Ben, okay?|He's afraid of the water.
He goes to the beach in a suit and tie.|Come on, let's go.
I found it!|I got it, I got it.
- What?|- Goldarn contact lenses.
You oughta just stick with glasses.
Oh, hey, guys?|What's going on? What's happening?
- Hi.|- Hey, Alan.
This is Sarah.|Sarah, Alan.
- This is my best man at my wedding.|- Hey. How are you?
Debbie.|This is the maid of honor.
- Hi, Debbie.|- Hi.
So, how'd you two|hook up?
Uh, I wouldn't say|that we're hooked up, really.
I sort ot barely|know this person, but-
You were on the bus, right?|Yeah, we rode down on the bus together.
There's a whole group of folks.|Rode down together.
Okay, and the whole|pool thing?
She tell in the pool,|and uh,
didn't look like|she was a strong swimmer.
She was kind of|flailing around, so I-
There's no lifeguard on duty|if you see the sign there,
So I jumped in,|and you know, hauled her out.
Then, in the course ot that,|the contact lens tell out.
Here you go, miss. You oughta be caretul|with these, because they're-
Here you go.|It's your contact lens.
That's a great story.
Bridget's really lucky|to be marrying such a great swimmer.
Whoa! What happened here?
Well, perhaps after you dry off,|you'll come back in for another dance?
- You got it, Herman.|- Dr. Holmes, you don't mind...
if I dance with your wite,|do you?
Yeah. You don't mind,|do you sweetie?
- All right, all right. Well, I'll see you in there.|- Okay.
I'm pretty disappointed|in you, Ben.
You know, everybody's always|telling Bridget she's so lucky...
because you're such|a nice guy.
Debbie, I am a nice guy, all right?|This is not what you think.
Okay.|Whatever, Dr. Holmes.
Okay?
- Alan?|- Ben, you don't need to explain, okay?
Remember, I'm the guy|who begged you...
to sleep with more women|before you got married.
I am not sleeping|with her, man!
Okay?|There's nothing going on!
Why- Why won't you|listen to me?
- Maybe because I'm getting married tomorrow?|- All right, look, Ben.
It you're not gonna|take advantage ot a night...
that's gonna get you through many sad,|pathetic, lonely years, then-
My God.
I'll see you in the lobby|in five minutes.
I hate to remind you,|but we had a deal, remember?
You were supposed to be my husband if I|got you a ride. Do you remember that?
Yes, I remember|that arrangement.
I did not, however,|presuppose the tact that Debbie...
is now on her way down to tell|my tiancee that I am holed up...
in a hotel room in South Carolina|somewhere with a woman...
claiming to be the wife|ot the good Dr. Ben Holmes!
What was I supposed to do?|The Sunshine people think we're married.
They would have stoned us. As it is, I already|feel bad enough about not buying a condo.
Why don't you just|tell Bridget the truth?
What kind ot marriage do you have|if she doesn't believe you?
- Just explain why you're with me-|- Sarah, I'm not with you!
We're not together!|This is not a relationship!
I just happen to be traveling|alongside a natural disaster!
- You know what?|I really feel sorry for you.
'Cause at least when I was getting|married, I could admit I was scared.
- WelI, save me your pity, because I am not scared.|- You know what?
You have such a problem|with honesty, Ben, you know that?
- Oh.|- You can't tell your tiancee what's going on.
You can't explain something absolutely|simple and innocent to your best man,
and you are|with me, Ben!
You could have left a hundred times,|but you didn't!
- I tried to!|- Then why are you still here?
I'm leaving!|All right, tine!
You wanna talk about honesty?|Let's talk about honesty.
- Bring it on.|- You complain about your lite, nonstop, all the time.
It's all your tault.
You are a beautiful, incredible woman.|You could have any guy you wanted,
but you keep picking|these losers.
And the only thing I can think ot|is that you choose these guys...
who are intellectually inferior to you|so that you can control them,
but still teel conveniently wounded|when the relationship ends.
You're the one that's afraid of commitment.|You back out of every job you ever have!
You run away from anyone|and anything,
and you think it's so|unconventional and liberating,
when in tact, it's just|cowardice and juvenile...
and unable to face|the real world!
Ha! Okay, you want honesty,|I'll give you honesty.
Do you know why you can't|write your marriage vows?
Because you are absolutely territied|that you have nothing to say.
And why would you, Ben?|Because you run around so scared...
that lite is gonna throw you this|curveball that'll completely shatter...
this crystal clear, pertect existence that|you've created for yourselt in your Day Timer,
that you blurb your way out of teeling|anything emotional, anything real.
You have no emotions, and that's|what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.
You know what?|At least I don't sit around obsessing...
that no one's going to|come to my tuneral,
because I have relationships|that last longer than a week.
- My funeral is gonna be packed!|- You know what, Ben?
That is just great.|And I know your eulogy...
is gonna look so nice|on the back of a book cover.
I just think you are|an immature, seltish person.
WelI, I'm|obviously wrong.
Have a fabulous time in Westchester.|I do hope you enjoy the minivan.
God! How great it must be to be|so cool and above everyone, huh?
It must be great!|Let me ask you somethin'.
How cool is it|to abandon your kid?
I was 17 years old, okay? Fuck you.|You don't know anything about it.
- All right, well, try 27, Sarah,|- Nothing.
because seventeen's not|working anymore.
Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift|Notes and have a nice wedding, okay?
- Have a nice divorce.|- Okay.
Four, three, two, one.
- Okay, I'm leaving.|- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.
Five minutes. There he is.|I think he's- Come on!
No, no, no,|don't-
- Well, that was smooth.|- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.
What's your point?
Well, you see, if I'm|gonna turn my life around,
I can't very well|break up your marriage.
I'll have bad luck tor the rest of|my lite, karmically speaking, and I-
I am getting|married tomorrow,
I have nonretundable|tickets to Hawaii,
and I cannot make myself|leave this room.
Well, I like you too, Ben.
I-
I can't go through|with a marriage like that. I can't.
Ben, relax.|We didn't even get to second base.
Have you seen Dr. Holmes|and his wife?
We're doing the raftle.
He's not Dr. Holmes,|and she's not his wite.
Okey dokey?|Okey dokey?
I'm gonna tell her.
I think at the very least|she deserves that.
If I can teel this way|about someone else-
Hey!|Come on!
- Why does this have to get dangerous?|- Get in, you treak!
God!
Is that your ride?
Yeah.|Yeah, it was.
Now what are you|gonna do?
I don't know. Let's go get|the money my tather wired.
That should get us|a cab at least.
This is actually the pertect car|for this trip.
It's already been wrecked, totaled|and destroyed. What else can go wrong?
Well, you asked.
Really. That's interesting.
That's not really|that funny, actually.
I think we should just sit here|and wait tor the locusts to come!
Oh, my God.
- Oh.|- Oh.
- Yeah. All righty.|- Yeah.
She's on tire, Ben.
Well.|I guess we should, uh-
Yeah.|We should-
I am slipping!
This is so wrong.
But it teels so right to me.
Oh, good evening.
Good evening.|Good evening.
- Hi, Joe.|- It is a good evening, isn't it?
Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.
We made a call. There's no|Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.
Unless you're|a veterinary brain surgeon.
Well, all God's creatures|are welcome in my otfice.
But the way you two carry on,|you oughta be ashamed of yourselves!
- You tell 'em.|- There is the matter of your bill.
Thank you very much.
I'm really sorry.
- Let's look at this bill here.|- Seems a little excessive.
No, if you add the two and the two,|that's tour, and then, uh-
Run!|Jesus! Jesus!
How long do you think|before they call the police?
- Oh, about tive minutes ago.|- All right.
Yesterday I was just trying|to get married, today I'm a fugitive.
Okay, I get it now.
This is a sign.|This whole thing is a sign.
I am not supposed to get married.|Loud and clear.
We have to be in Savannah|in the morning.
The tuzz|are atter us.
Hey, Ben, how much was that car|we saw back in the lot?
The disaster car?|It was $150.
'Cause I'm thinking|that if, uh-
It somebody went|into this place right here...
and did, you know, a little bump and grind|tor the good old boys, they could, uh-
they could probably walk out ot there|with that amount ot money in their pocket.
Strip dancing?
You're saying you'd just go in and strip|dance? I'm talking about something serious.
Ben, let's weigh out|our alternatives here.
On one hand, what do we have?|We have a little harmless dancing...
that gets us to Savannah|where I have $25,000 waiting tor me,
and you have what, 130 ot your closest|family and friends waiting for you.
And on the other hand,|we have- oh, look, we have nothing.
Oh, there's nothing there. So, we have|dancing, going to Savannah. Oh, nothing!
- I see where you're going with this.|- You know I'm right.
The tuzz.
All right. Am I being|too prudish about this?
Is that what it is? Maybe I am.|I just gotta open my mind.
You go in there, you take your|clothes otf, you have the power.
Post-feminist. It's aggressive.|You have the power and control.
I know what I'm doing.|Watch my back.
Watch your back?|What, are we on Mod Squad now?
- Hiya. How ya doin'?|- Good.
I was wondering if y'all|had any entertainment.
- We got a pool table out back.|- What would you say to somebody dancing on it...
tor a set price of,|I don't know, $150?
I could guarantee you|a really good show.
- $150 seems like a lot of money.|- What? Look at her.
I am looking at her.|I'm not interested.
How much tor you|to dance?
- Excuse me?|- Ben,
I think this is|one of these places...
where everyone would much rather|see you dance than see me dance.
- You mean-|- Get your hands off of my man
Get your hands off of my man
It's not tunny anymore,|because I don't even like...
to be naked at home|in my shower by myself.
- So, it was okay tor me a minute ago?|- Well, it's on your resume.
If you want me to blurb you|a novel, I could do that.
So much for power and control,|big guy. Get up there.
- All right, I'm sorry.|- There you go.
Oh, watch me ride
I'm a sexual animal|Eat you like a cannibal
Prime for the energy
I'm inflammable
Yeah, I finished my beer|So come here
And get nice while I|Lick your ear
Put your legs over there
And kinda swing on a chair
I swear you look wicked
When your hand|is in your hair
Eyes half closed|Cute little nose
And like a pound|of self raising
I roll and roll
Step out of my clothes
Like I'm doing|the right thing
It was pumping|and she was frightening
Yeah, lightning flashed|and thunder roared
They're really cheering tor you.|You're doing a great job.
Nope. Everyone in here|is looking at your ass.
This is where|I'm lost all night
If loving you is wrong|I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right
Don't wanna be right
If I come first|Well, that's not worse
One take like an earthquake
I'll take a delight in making|the bedsprings sing all night
If loving you is wrong|I don't want to be right
- Whoo! Ha ha! Can do! Let's check it out.|- Come on.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!|Look at that!
Convertible style.
I'm a sexual animal
Eat you like a cannibal
Well, I didn't have...
the g-string and the cowboy boots, but, uh,|I think it was a good showing nonetheless.
Don't be too proud ot yourself.|You weren't that good, Ben.
Don't be jealous.
It's amazing, because the things you find|so exotic and interesting right now...
are gonna be the same things that|you're gonna hate me for in the end.
Why am I hating you|in this scenario? What's-
Okay?|Trust me.
A lot ot stutf's happened really tast.|You're just not registering it.
It's registering, okay?|I'm a gay dancer and I'm proud.
I'm a gay, gay strip dancer|and I love it.
Registered. Cha-ching! Change!
The password is "denial," okay?|You've known me two days.
Two days. Now we're on our way down|to go break up your marriage.
That has|nothing to do with you.
I don't believe you.
I don't either.
Amanda is beginning to gather|strength as it continues...
its journey in the Atlantic.
It's currently|a category two hurricane.
The hurricane is continuing|its push towards the northwest,
and that means the coastlines|of Georgia and South Carolina-
He'll make it.
That's it right there.|Yep.
- Oh, my God, that's Carl.|- Carl?
My husband.
Surprise, sweetheart.|Who's this?
I know it's not the guy you're trying to|sell the place to, 'cause I got an injunction.
Bullshit.
This is so fake.
You can't even get|an injunction that tast, all right?
- What are you doing this to me for?|- Carl.
- I have to get back pretty soon, so-|- This is my place, okay?
- I bought it with my money.|- Your place?
- Yeah.|- For chrissakes, Sarah, we're married.
You wanna sell the place?|That's fine, we'll sell the place.
You can send the money down to your kid|it that's what your worried about.
Now, come on.
Come on, angel.|You got no place else to go.
I'm not going, Carl.
You ungratetul bitch.
- What?|- Hey. Hold on.
- Nobody's talking to you, my friend.|- Okay. Just cool it.
- Sarah, get in the car.|- I'm not going, Carl. Forget it. Not going.
- I said get in the car, now!|- No, I'm not getting in the car!
Goddamn you.|Hey, what's your problem?
You sleep with her and you|think that means something?
- You don't know what you're|talking about. - Don't you tell me-
- Ohh!|- You all right? You okay?
- Did you find my thumb?|- Get outta here, Carl.
- Go! Go!|- You know, I got news tor you, buddy.
- You're just the next number on the list.|- Just go home, man.
You know what happened with her kid?|What did she tell you?
Carl, don't.|CarI, don't.
- She let the dad raise him? Well, that's bullshit!|- Shut up.
The kid|chose the tather.
She was never|even around.
But even a six-year-old|could see.
You can't trust her.
Enjoy the ride, pal.
- Hey, are you okay?|- Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.|Now I can't even go see him.
Who?|Your little boy?
Hey.
- Why? Because of $25,000?|- Yeah.
Aw, Sarah.
I don't know anything|about raising kids,
but I don't think $25,000|is gonna win him over.
I think he wants to see you.
Can't win him over. He obviously|doesn't want what I have to ofter.
Sarah, you have the most|incredible ability...
to make people|absolutely crazy about you.
No, I have the ability|to make people crazy.
That's what I can do.|Really well.
Sarah, everybody loves you.
You just-
You just think|they're all wrong.
When does your wedding start?
Well.
Seventeen minutes late.
Ben's usually|very prompt.
You must be|so very proud of him.
I hate to interrupt,|but I think the hurricane...
may arrive|betore the groom.
Good Lord.
Ben, where are you?
Look, we'll-
I just wanna get my bearings|here for a second.
Okay.
- Well.|- All right.
Two strangers arrive at a wedding.|One invited, one is not.
And as the guests arrive|and the appetizers are served,
the true drama untolds just minutes|trom the altar.
I don't think I'm gonna be able|to blurb my way out of this one.
Nope.|Probably not.
Okay. All right.
I'm just gonna|run in there...
just put a quick stop|to this whole wedding thing, you know.
Maybe grab a tew|gifts on the way out.
- You need anything? Bread maker?|- Um-
- Cuisinart?|- No, no, I think I'm good.
Yeah.
You will be here|when I come back, won't you?
Oh, well, you know me.
I would not presume.
All right. Wish me luck.
Ben, do me a favor and just|forget about luck, okay?
Forget about loyalty,|forget about...
being nice, torget about|polite, okay?
Because this is the rest ot your lite|and possibly somebody else's too.
- Yeah.|- You know?
Yeah.
Just be honest.
If her tather happens|to shoot me on my way out,
I guess I'll see you in heaven.
Yeah.|I don't think I deserve heaven.
Ah, Sarah.
You deserve so much more|than you think.
You deserve to be|with somebody...
who will be really, really depressed|if your plane goes down.
- Hey, Ben.|- Hey, man, what happened to you?
What, did you go swimming?
- Ben! Honey, honey, come on.|- I have to talk to you!
- Dad, I can't right now.|- We just want to talk to you for a minute.
- I can't right now! -|Benjamin! - Get in there!
- All right, Benjamin.|- Barbara, please.
I want you to|listen to your father.
- Ben? We were thinking about...|- Yes.
what you were telling us|on the phone,
and the thing is,|nobody knows if it's gonna work out.
It's all|a leap ot taith.
It just so happened|that in my case, I was lucky.
My heart told me|to do something, I did it,
and 32 years later,|here I am.
Don't speak.|You'll ruin the moment.
You have got|a lot ot nerve!
Now, maybe this is how|they treat women back in New York,
but here in Savannah,|we have a little more respect...
tor the sanctity|ot marriage.
- Oh, do you hear yourself?|- I am not talking to you, Virginia!
- Where's Bridget? I want to marry her.|- Who the hell are you?
- Someone who gets to a wedding on time!|- Hi, we haven't met. I'm Ben.
Steve Montgomery. I used to go out with|Bridget and I'm still in love with her.
- Can I see your invitation?|- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Excuse me! Somebody should be asking|for your invitation, all right?
P.S.- you shouldn't even|be having a wedding!
- I saw him in the hotel last night with some woman!|- Whoa! Hey, untrue!
They are just travel friends.|And she's ugly!
Why do you New Yorkers|have to be so unpleasant?
- I like New York.|- Put 'em up!
- Ben?|- Yeah?
Um, in about tive minutes, we're|supposed to be joined tor eternity,
and I was wondering...
if you were gonna get dressed.
- WelI, it it's eternity,|it can wait.
No, no, I think technically|eternity starts immediately,
especially when there's|ice sculpture involved.
- Well, Bridge.|- Yeah.
The truth is-
I'm sorry.
This always happens at weddings,|you know?
I'm sorry I took so long|to get down here. Something happened.
It's okay.|I know.
Debbie told me, and I told her that|it didn't matter because I trusted you,
and I knew you wouldn't|cheat on me.
And then I threw up. But, um-|Everything else was going wrong.
Everything was going wrong,|and my parents are separated,
and then this guy Steve,|who-
Bridge, you know what?
I always thought that there was this one|perfect person tor everybody in the world.
And when you tound|that person,
like the rest of the world|just kind ot magically taded away...
and the two ot you would just|be inside this kind ot...
protective bubble,|but there is no bubble.
I mean, or if there is,|we have to make it.
I just think that life is more|than a series of moments, you know?
We can make choices, and we can choose|to protect the people we love,
and that's what makes us who we are,|and those are the real miracles.
Stop me when it just becomes glaringly|obvious that I have no idea...
- what I'm talking about.|- No, I know what you're talking about.
I do. I know exactly|what you're talking about.
Farewell, Ben.
I tell in love with you|the moment I saw you.
And when I saw you up there on the balcony,|I tell in love with you all over again.
None ot the plane crashes|and the hurricanes...
and the other people|will ever change that.
Because when I'm on my deathbed,|I'm gonna know...
that I married the only woman|I ever really loved.
I think you just|wrote your vows.
I love you so much.
- Get her out of the rain!|- Guys, hold on.
You guys, it's only rain.
All right, all right.
I'm okay.|I'll be right back.
- It's okay.|- Bridge! Bridget!
You wanna get married|like this?
Let's go get married...|under a waterfall in Hawaii!
- Okay.|- Okay. Let's go.
Morning smiles
Like the face
Of a newborn child
Better said unknowing
Rejoicing
From the sight|of a long lost friend
Speaks to me of course
But I feel
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here
In this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
It's nothing I'm not|feeling how to fall
Wind in tow
Grapes the flow|trembling on the vine
- Nothing needs to shelter|- Don't hit my house, bad lightning.
You're gonna|burn us down!
But I feel
I have nothing to give
Well, there's one quote|that pretty much sums it up.
It's from a bishop in the 16th century.
He said,|"Marriage has less beauty...
but more safety|than the single life.
It's full of sorrows|and full of joys.
It lies under more burdens,
but it is supported|by all the strengths of love.
And those burdens|are delightful. "
I have nothing to give
Sometimes the people we meet|change us forever.
I've never forgotten Sarah,|and I'm pretty sure I never will.
Wherever she is,|I really hope she's happy.
In the end, all you can do is|commit to the people you love,
hope for a little luck...
and some good weather.
Hearts gone astray
Keeping hurt when they go
I went away
Just when you needed me so
You won't regret
I'll come back begging you
Don't you forget
Welcome love we once knew
Yeah
Where life's river flows|No one really knows
You're someone left to show|the way to lasting love
Like the sun it shines|Endlessly it shines
You always will be my|eternal love
Whenever love went wrong|Ours would still be strong
We'd have our own|Everlasting love
This love will last forever
Open up your eyes|Then you'll realize
You've always been my|everlasting love
Need you by my side|Come and be my bride
Never be denied|Everlasting love
From the very start|Open up your heart
Feel the love you got|Everlasting love
Everlasting love
If you're dumb and confused
And you don't remember
Who you're talking to
Concentration
Just seems to fade
'Cause your baby|is too far away
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
Don't be angry
Don't be sad
Don't sit quiet
Good times you had
'Cause there's a girl
Right next to you
She's just waiting
For something to do
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do
Turn your heartache
Right into stone
'Cause she's a girl
A girl alone
So get it together
And you can fight
You're not gonna need|any more goodbye
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
It's a great pleasure-
It's a great pleasure|to have all of you here today.
I thought you all|might begin your tour here.
I really didn't want|a bachelor party in the first place.
I'll tell you why. It's not|that I'm against tradition.
There's just something bizarre about|having a strange, naked woman...
dance around me while|my friends yell out,
"Go for it, Ben.
Last night of freedom, Ben. "
Last night of freedom|for what?
Which is what I told|my best friend Alan.
I didn't want any strippers.|I didn't wanna get lucky.
I was lucky enough|just getting married.
All right. Quiet!
Guys!
All right. I'm not payin' tor that.|It already was chipped.
We're here to, uh, wish Ben|good luck and good riddance...
as he heads down|that rocky path to matrimony.
And, uh, hey, you know what.
Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa Max|are here. Where are you guys?
Those guys- Watch out.|You guys gotta pace yourselves.
Knowing Ben, I'd have|to say that he's probably,
- uh, one of the most loyal guys that I've ever met,|- Like a dog!
and, uh, monogamous.
And so this is probably|gonna be the last time...
that you're gonna spend|in a room with your friends...
and a n-n-naked woman...
other than your wife, man!
So you can close your eyes|if you want to. Close 'em!
But then you're gonna be missin'|Juanita, the bull tamer!
You don't have to do this.
You really don't|have to do this.
Very nice.
Ole!
Pop?
Pop?
Pop? Max?
Call 911.
How did this happen? Hmm?
What's the ditterence|how it happened?
- I wanna know how it happened.|- It happened.
It makes a difterence|to me.
All ot a sudden he has|a heart attack out of no place?
Mom, can we please|not talk about this now?
What is it you don't|want to talk about?
Mrs. Holmes, it it's any consolation, I|think he was having a really good time.
- Alan, shut up.|- Okay.
- Come into the hall.|- What is in the hall?
A vending machine.|Come on, butchki.
- Who's hungry? I'm buying.|- All hours ot the night-
This is insane.
He probably just ate some spicy food.
It was spicy, all right,|but it wasn't tood.
- Butchki!|- What?
Richard, you are|the silliest old tart.
Grandpa, what came over you?
Hmm?
- Hey.|- Ben.
- You all right?|- Ben.
She was the most|beautitul woman I ever saw.
What about Nana?
Did you ever take a good look|at your grandmother?
Woman looked like Tolstoy.
I was never|attracted to her.
Oh, maybe in the beginning,
because she was the only woman|I'd ever been with.
Well, you know, that's great.|That's, uh- That's loyalty.
Loyalty? It's fear.
Did you ever teel her arms, her-
Oh, Ben, I used to|dream about other women.
What it would be like|to hold them and to-
- Okay.|- Touch them and to-
- That's-|- Smell them.
Grandma smelled. She had|a very distinct smell. It was a-
Ben. Ben.
Listen to me.
Don't tie yourselt down.
Even if you love|a woman, it tades.
Marriage is a prison.
Ben!
Could I help you out?|Here we go.
- You just passed my room.|- Sorry.
Feel better.
Hi.
- Hi, sweetie.|- Honey.
Oh, why does everything feel|so much better now that you're here?
- How's he doing?|- He's stable.
- You know, physically, at least.|- Great.
What happened?
What do you expect? He's an 80-year-old|man with high blood pressure...
and a naked balloon-popping toreador|is a rough combination.
- It didn't pan out. It's not funny.|- It's not funny.
- Be serious.|- There's something I want to do.
- Okay. Why?|- I wanna be able to remember this moment in 30 or 40 years.
Think my next husband|will get a kick out of it.
Oh, that's nice.|Okay.
It's the night before I am flying down|to Savannah tor our wedding alone,
because Ben's grandtather, who we|will now reter to as Larry Flynt,
has partied himselt|into intensive care.
- What do you have to say?|- Put the video camera away.
No, no, no, honey,|you're not going to get off that easy.
No, I'm saving it|for my vows.
I have already|finished my vows.
What's in 'em?
You know why? Because|it's easy tor you. I'm a writer.
- Oh, really?|- I can't just slap something down on paper like you do.
Ben, listen.
You don't have|to be brilliant...
or witty or clever|or polite even.
Just have|to be honest.
Come on. Say something.|What are you feeling?
Are you nervous?|Are you happy? Are you scared?
Am I scared?|What would I be scared ot?
- I'm scared.|- You are? Why? Now you're making me scared.
Because it's a big thing. It's our|marriage. It's the rest of our lives.
It's- It's scary.
I know. I'm not scared.
- The only thing we have to tear-|- Yeah?
- Is this video camera.|- Hey! Come on! Just say a few words tor posterity.
What, what, what
What
What, what
Follow me to the scene|What
Really? You think|I can rent shoes down there?
I can't believe|I forgot my shoes.
I hear they have shoes in Savannah now.|The whole South has 'em.
All right.|Wedding dress. Check.
Check tor the minister.|Check.
Valium tor Bridget's|mother. Check.
- Ball and chain for you. Check.|- Not listening to you. Check.
- Here, look. Here you go.|- Thanks.
This is your present, okay?|It's a book ot quotes.
I crossed out the ones I'm gonna|use in my toast. Listen.
"To say that you can love|one person all your lite...
is like saying that one candle will|continue to burn as long as you live. "
- Think about that for a minute.|- I will. That's profound.
This is used.
I forgot the rings.
That's not tunny.|No, don't do that.
I torgot the rings, so-
Come on, man! No!
Relax. I'll catch|the next plane.
Son ot a bitch!
I'll see ya in Savannah.|Hey, I need to go to the city.
- New York! New York City!|- No, I can't.
Don't take|the Van Wyck though.
Hurricane Amanda|is headed for the Southeast coastline.
The eye ot the hurricane is|presently located 200 miles...
east of South Carolina|and Savannah, Georgia.
North, northwest-
Excuse me, folks.
Just the line's movin' forward.
No. Well, I love you.
I love you more.
No, I love you more.
No, you more.
No, I love you more.
Okay, I have to go, because|I just made another passenger nauseous.
Okay?
That's my tiancee.
Goin' down to get married,|so we're a little-
Oh! Jack Bealy,|Snap-On Tools.
Ben Holmes,|scared of tlyin'.
- Yeah, I was married once.|- Yeah?
To me marriage|is just one big lie.
You don't say.
In the morning I had to say,|'Don't be silly, honey.
Your breath is fine.|You smell like a rose. "
Then I had to say, '"No, honey.
I never noticed|that 18-year-old girl...
with the tantastic body and halter top|that delivers our newspaper.
She can't hold|a candle to you...
and the 30 pounds you've put on|since we stopped having sex. "
So when's the wedding day?
May cancel it.|I may have to call back.
I didn't mean to throw a wet towel on ya|with my whole marital disaster tirade.
It's all right. It was a nice story|actually. It was very touching.
- Nice girl?|- Very nice.
As a matter ot fact, I just happen|to have a picture of her right here.
- Wow, what a knockout.|- Yeah, she's beautitul.
- Oh, baby, come to Daddy.|- Well, take it easy, Jack.
What I wouldn't give|for an ass like that.
- Huh? Here we go.|- Hi.
- This is me.|- Really?
Well, this is your|lucky day, sweetheart.
We got just about enough room|tor one ot you, darlin'.
Must be destiny, huh?
- Careful.|- Okay.
- Excuse me.|- Yeah.
- Sorry.|- Hmm?
I was reading what you were writing. My|eye just kind of wandered over. Sorry.
Do you work for Hallmark?
Even if I had seen you looking at it,|that wouldn't bother me.
Well, I don't care either.
I'm absolutely tascinated you|can't admit you saw me reading it.
If I had seen you reading it,|I'd be perfectly happy to admit it.
Then why did you|close your computer?
I'm known to do that|trom time to time.
I'm a rebel. I'll open it,|then I'll close it again just like that.
Don't get next to my fire,|because you'll get burned.
This is not working properly.
Stewardess, this isn't-|Miss? Thank you.
You're a little jumpy|tor a rebel, aren't ya?
My seat belt's|not functioning properly.
He's a scared flier.|Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.
Sarah Lewis.|And you are?
Ben Holmes. Really,|I'm not that scared.
- Jack's- - I can assure you|absolutely nothing is going to happen.
I speak from experience.|I was a tlight attendant. There you go.
Oh, yeah?|In one ot those little uniforms?
Please stay calm!
Oh, my God!
Hold on!
Oh, my God!|This is a disaster.
- Daddy.|- Oh, for heaven sake.
- Let's go live-|- On the other hand,
you can never have|too many ot these.
- It's tabulously colorful.|- Give you that.
How tar do you think|I could throw it?
Don't you dare, young-|Give me that now.
To the hospital for minor injuries.
Ceramic clown trom the?
- Brewsters.|- My God! That's Ben!
There's no official word|on the cause of the crash.
There may have been|a foreign object-
Let's get some help!
She hit her head.
Everyone's pretty shook up.
We had a couple ot passengers go to|a local hospitaI with concussions.
Oh, my God. There he is again.
Call me!|Oh, Ben! I love you.
Call me! No. Go back.
There you have it.|The latest information-
Hello? Ah, Ben!
Hi, honey. Yeah, I'm fine.|No, I'm okay.
I'm a little trazzled.
I mean, I was|in a plane crash.
This place is a nightmare.
People are running around.|I guess they lost everything.
I don't care about any ot that.|I'm just so happy you're okay.
I- I-I just wish that-
- Ben! Ben, listen.|- TelI him, um-
- What happened?|- You just get yourself down here sate and sound.
The thing is, I'm a little bit scared|to fly before I was in a plane crash,
so I don't teel|much like getting-
- Jesus!|- You are a god.
- You are a god amongst all men. Do you realize that?|- I'm on the phone.
- Sorry.|- Do you mind?
- What in the hell?|- Just one ot the passengers.
- He saved my lite!|- She's kidding.
It's a joke.
I'm gonna get a rental car|and drive down there, okay?
I'll call you w-w-when|I have a finalized plan.
Okay, great.|Thank you, sir.
Sorry. I couldn't|contain myself.
It's amazing when you think about it.|We almost died today. Dead.
Isn't there a rent-a-car this way?|Are we goin' the right way?
It I died, how|many people would care?
I mean, really care.|You'd have your shares of "What a shame.
What a waste.|She was so young. "
- But no real crying.|- It might be in that terminal.
No eating disorders,|no attempted suicides.
Nothing.|Absolutely depressed.
You know what?|I'm thoroughly depressed.
I just need to shake it otf.
So what were you thinking?
I was thinking how it would attect|our trequent flier miles.
What do you do|tor a living?
I'm a, uh,|jacket copywriter.
Huh. What does that mean?
- Means I write jackets to books basically.|- Oh.
Do mostly fiction,|but I do some nontiction.
You do blurbs. You're a blurb writer.|You're a "blurbologist. "
I'm a jacket copywriter.
As you can imagine,
- due to today's minor incident-|- Oh, sh-
Nada cars. Non cars.|Cars nyet.
You should have called|as soon as you got otf the plane.
Why didn't I think of that|when I was unconscious...
and bleeding trom the head?
So, cars nyet. We can check|the other airports though.
No, that's all right.|You can go ahead.
I'm not that big a fan ot the idea|of getting on another plane today...
or tomorrow or ever,|it that soon.
But you go ahead. I think I'm gonna be a|ground transportation kind ot guy trom now on.
I'll be right back.
How ya doin'?|Did ya get a car?
- This is Vic. He's gonna give us a ride.|- All the way to Georgia?
Sure. We split the cost|ot the car, the gas, whatever.
- Great.|- Good. Let's go.
- Okay.|- Wait, wait, wait. We don't even know this guy.
- He's Vic.|- Oh, he's Vic.
Great, he's Vic.|He chops us up, leaves us in the woods.
That's why I asked that you|come along to protect me.
How do you know|that I'm not dangerous?
I said, hallelujah|to the 16 royal fins
You're gettin' down|on your knees
And it's time for|your sickness again
Come on and|tell me what you need now
Tell me what is|making ya bleed
We got two more minutes sayin' we're|gonna cut you what you need
What's your story, Ben?|What's down in Savannah?
- My wedding, Vic.|- No kiddin'. That's great.
- Isn't that great?|- Yeah, it's a blessing.
- First marriage?|- That I know of, yeah.
Yeah, I was married once.
One day I walk into the house|and I hear the shower runnin'.
I had Chinese tood with me, figurin'|it would be a nice romantic surprise.
She starts singin'|in the shower.
What's that song?|"Up in the sky"? "Up with the eagles"?
- '"Wind Beneath My Wings. " Very touching song.|- "Wind Beneath My Wings. "
Suddenly there's another|voice in the shower with her.
- Oh, no.|- A baritone.
Uh-oh.
Now it's a treakin' duet.
So I walk in the bathroom and|there she is... with my brother.
- Oh!|- I grab my brother and throw him through the window naked.
He broke his leg|in two difterent places.
Dare we ask what,|uh, became of your wife?
I put the wind beneath her ass|and sent her packin'. Divorced her.
She never got a penny,|the lyin', whorin', adulteratin' pig.
What about you, sweetheart?|What's your story?
I'm going down to visit my brother|and hang out with my nephew.
That's nice. Kids.
- Yep. Got any?|- Nah. But I see 'em all over.
Come on, come on
So what else have you|jacket copywritten?
What else did I do?|The low point of my career was...
I did the blurb|tor a thriller...
about a woman-|an archaeologist-
who tinds love|in the pyramids.
It was called|Me And My Pharaoh.
- I have that book.|- No, you don't.
Yes, I do. "A scintillating tale|ot erotic mummitication. "
I wrote that line.
Oh, my God! That's|why I bought the book.
Anybody who could tind embalming|either scintillating or erotic...
had to be read.
- It was brilliant.|- Well, you know, I mean, it's all about adjectives.
I was gonna go with "engaging tale|ot erotic mummitication" tirst.
- But then I said, no, scintillating.|- Right on the money.
It's still selling now,|but at least I get to write.
What do you do?
I haven't settled down|to one particular thing yet.
Worked at galleries, sold cars,|tried out tor "Aladdin On Ice. "
Um, wedding videographer.
I got fired, though, because|apparently nobody wants a crash zoom...
to the priest|during the ceremony.
I was a exotic dancer,|hostess at the New York auto show.
- That's a gift.|- Yeah.
Let's see. What else?
- Is there anything else?|- I don't think so.
- Kids, we should get goin'.|- You got it, Vic.
Two wayward travelers stuck|in a Geo with a guy named Vic.
Don't you think this is|just a little bit over the top?
Oh, so what it it is?
Knock, knock.
- Steve! How are you?|- I'm good, real good.
- Virginia, nice to see ya.|- Well, hi, Steve.
Bridget.
Yes. I mean, hi. Hi.
Steve? How are you?
- It's been a long time.|- Yeah.
You look wondertul.
Thank you.|So do you.
- So, how are you?|- How is he?
Just the most successful lawyer|in Savannah. That's how.
Youngest member at his tirm.|Handles all my work.
Which I appreciate, 'cause there's not a|contractor who gets sued more than your daddy.
And what's so tunny|about that, Hadley?
God, you are|an unpleasant woman.
Gale torce winds it the|hurricane stays on course for Savannah.
Anybody want some weed?
The experiment was a|complete failure. The U.F.O. landed-
It's sinsemilla.|It'Il take your head right off.
That's great, Vic. You think you should|have your head taken otf while driving?
- Can I have some?|- Atta girl.
You sure you|don't want, Ben?
No, that's okay. I had some peyote|for lunch, so I'm all set.
He's getting married. Don't forget.|He has to be responsible.
Not necessarily.|You know, look at the Fitzgeralds.
F. Scott and Zelda,|crazy, married couple.
They drove a-
Had to know about that.
- Whoa! Hey!|- Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, shit!
Uh, what's that?
- Do you hear that?|- What's what?
Hi, honey. How are the bridesmaids'|dresses comin' out?
Good. No, everything's tine.|I just got a little bit delayed.
Car trouble,|in a manner of speaking.
But I'm fine.|Everything's gonna be okay.
Yes, I know.|WelI, I love you too.
Well, hoo-hoochie,|I love you so much.
Baby, no, because I love you more.|I love you more-
Honey, I can't do this right now.
- I'm gonna miss my wedding.|- Oh, relax, Benjie.
It's a simple drug bust.|It's not like we killed anybody.
This may be an everyday event in your|life, but speaking as a non-felon-
I'm on a bit of|a time crunch here, too, okay?
If I don't make it down to Savannah by|Saturday morning, I lose 25,000 bucks.
Are you on Dig For Dollars? You told me you|were going to visit your brother and nephew.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, kids.|Here's the situation.
Vic DeFranco was driving|with an expired license.
Plus he's got three priors|tor possession and selling.
And there was ten ounces in the vehicle|that he admits is his.
Did anybody else know|there were drugs in the car?
- No, sir. In fact, I just met this man-|- You can't-
You can't ask us these questions|without an attorney present.
You haven't advised us|of our rights.
I believe that's called-
Oh- Ah!|A Miranda violation. That's it.
This is a|very simple procedure.
You tell me you didn't do anything illegal.|you sign a statement. And you go quietly.
Sir, I'd like to be considered|separate from her, sir.
- Hmm. What part of quiet didn't you understand?|- What are you doing?
Why me?
Well, I think that went well.
- I'm not that happy with how that went.|- No?
No, not really.
I haven't known you that long, but|I think something may be wrong with you.
- May we have two tickets|to Savannah, please?
You want these seats|together?
It's totally up to you.
- Just give me one second. Can I talk to you?|- Yeah.
I just, uh-|I don't want to be rude or anything,
but in situations like this,|I think about...
what I would want Bridget to do|it the situation were reversed.
I wouldn't necessarily be|that comtortable with her...
riding down on a train|together with some guy...
who she had a,|you know, kind ot a connection...
or a chemistry or spark,
whatever, some kind|of a thing like that.
You know, and-
The look on your tace|is telling me you have no-
You're not feeling|or you're not sensing-
- You have no idea what I'm-|- Oh, no, no, not really.
Fascinating. Okay.
Maybe we just shouldn't|ride down together,
because at this point I really|made kind of a chump out of myselt.
Okay.
- Have a nice nuptial.|- Thank you.
Other than the drug bust|and the plane crash, it was, uh, tun.
So long, Sarah.
- FarewelI, Ben.|- Okay.
'Oscar Wilde:|One should always be in love.
This is the reason|one should never marry. "
Well, what did he know?
What you writing there,|mister?
My wedding vows actually.|My fiancee and I are writing our own.
Oh, that's sweet.|Isn't that sweet, Emma?
- It's sweet as pie.|- We didn't write our own vows.
It's kind ot a new thing.|It's nontraditionalist.
We were so nervous. It was hard enough|to do what the preacher told us.
I didn't really think about it at all. It|just seemed natural, the order ot things.
I had doubts. I'll be honest.
- You did? You never told me that.|- I don't tell you everything.
You better, you old geezer.
It seems like it worked out|pretty well tor both ot you.
Oh, we're not married.|We're having an atfair.
I'm happy for|the first time in 34 years.
- I don't believe this.|- I don't have any regrets.
My children are long gone,|and I gave my wite 30 taithtul years.
Until I met Ned,|I always was convinced...
that sex was some horrible obligation|God put on women...
like cramps or high heels.
For all those years,|she never experienced a genuine orgasm.
Wondertul.|Could you watch my stutf?
I'm gonna go pull|the emergency cord.
- Hi. How are you?|- Hi.
- Truck.|- What do you have?
A truck? Can I see?|Hey, hey, let me see your truck.
- Grab my nose. Oh!|- Grab nose.
What are you doin'?
What are you doin'?|Slap me five. Slap me five.
- Five!|- Slap me tive.
Something's wrong.|He should have called by now.
He can take care ot himselt.|He's a grown man, isn't he?
Daddy, what is it exactly|that you don't like about Ben,
besides the tact that he's from|New York and he voted tor Clinton?
- That's not enough?|- I voted for Clinton.
All the best presidents|sleep around.
Help.
Hello? Oh, hi, Steve.
Ooh.
Oh, nothing, just, uh, you know,|staving oft a nervous break down.
Oh, well, thank you,|but I can't.
No. No, no, it does.|It does sound like fun.
But quite trankly, a series ot|rabies shots sounds like tun...
compared to another evening|with these two.
Bridget, come watch the biography|of Newt with me. He's amazing!
He is not.|He's an imbecile.
- No, he's not. He's a damn genius.|- Well, then, you're an imbecile.
Maybe I can come by|for just a little while.
The train will be underway momentarily.
We apologize|for the inconvenience.
Hello!
Can you hear me?
Is anybody out there?
No, but leave a message,|and we'll call you back!
Hi.
I wasn't|expecting an answer.
I wasn't expecting to tind|some crazy woman on the roof.
Wanna come up?
No, not really. I think probably that|the top ot the train might be otf-limits.
I know. How many times in your life you|gonna see a view like this? Come on.
Seize the moment,|Benjie. Come on.
I am. I'm eye level|with the sunset here,
so I have a better view|because I'm-
Come up.
Okay, buddy, this time, we're gonna|do it with a little more teeling.
- Okay.|- We're just gonna-
Echo!
I am alive!
Just a little- Open.|Just push out.
Push out. No one can hear you.|Just throw it out there.
I am somebody!
- I think-|- Oh, God.
I think He heard me.|Excuse me. I'm fine.
Let me show you how I do it.|Okay, ready?
All right, here we go.
Oh, God!
Stella!
Well, that was nice.|You know, I mean, as sunsets go.
This is interesting.|I don't remember the rooster car.
- Do you remember seeing roosters?|- No, I'm a vegetarian.
Oh, no, not again.|Didn't you two hear the announcement?
When we stop|outside Youngsville,
no one on the Savannah-bound train is|supposed to board the last three cars.
- We uncouple there, and then we reroute.|- What does that mean?
That means this train's|going to Chicago.
Aah!
I got you. I got you.
You try to seize the moment,|you end up getting yourself killed.
- Will you jump? It's not going that fast.|- It's too tast!
I got you. I got you.|There you go.
There's another one coming tomorrow|afternoon, or there's a bus station in town.
Okay, thanks!
I'm starting to get the teeling that there's|maybe a hint that I'm not getting here.
Just spell it out tor me!
- That pretty much spell it out for ya?|- I'd say it does.
Whoo! Yeah!|Whoo!
Hey! Come on!|What are you doing?
- Oh! Come on!|- Oh!
Whee!
Oh, come on!
Ah! It kills. It kills. Ah!
Ow!
- Not exactly a hub city, I guess.|- No!
But we'll come back|in the morning.
- What do we do tor the next 12 hours?|- Come on.
- I have an instinct about these things.|- No! It's hailing! No!
How are you?
It's so good to see you!
- You gotta see Linda. Remember Linda?|- Hi!
Hey, you guys, look who came.|Bridget's getting married this weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey
- Ouch! It kills! It kills!|- Hey, hey, hey, hey
Oh! Oh, man!
- It's open 24 hours.|- What are you doing? No, no, hey.
Benjie, they|cannot kick us out.
- Please, get up.|- Oh, God!
I love this place so much.
- Oh! Oh!|- This is dry. It's the best thing I can say.
Oh, my God,|this is heaven.
Baby has an old witch doll|My baby rang his bell
I didn't have the time to tell|my baby fare you well
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Takes him down.
I just wish we'd|stayed in touch.
- I regret not keeping the friendship going.|- We're triends.
Steve, triends.
I regret that too.
How can I just|let you walk away
Let you leave|without a trace
When I stand here|taking every breath
With you|Ooh, ooh
You're the only one who|really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
There's just|an empty space
There's nothing lett here|to remind me
Just the memory|ot your tace
Take a look at me now
- Do you remember that song?|- Yeah.
I thought you would.
All I'm saying is that I don't|understand the idea of living...
with just one person|tor the rest ot my life.
How do you make|a choice like that?
That's like choosing what|you're gonna wear in 25 years.
It things worked that way, everyone|would still be wearing hot pants.
- Ya dig?|- I never wore hot pants, so there goes your whole argument.
Hey, life is supposed|to be a ride, right?
You want to be on your deathbed saying,|"I played by all the rules," or "I lived"?
'Cause I lived. I loved.|I tought. I broke hearts.
I screamed. I bled.
I guess thinking like that can explain|your hostility toward marriage.
I don't have hostility toward marriage.|I just have hostility towards my husband.
You're married?
Yep. Twice, actually.
you saw him. I was|kissing him at the airport.
My husband Carl was a hustler|from the first day I met him.
Who am I to talk?|I was a dog walker.
He convinced me I should invest|in a bagel store down in Savannah,
because he thought they couldn't|make good bagels.
That's why they lost|the Civil War.
Of course, we had|to invest all my money,
because Carl's was tied up|in some phony tax shelter.
- Is that your $25,000 you were talking about?|- Yep.
I am going to sell the place,|get the last in a string of divorces.
Ot course, he doesn't|know about it, or the divorce.
Wow. What a story.
So do you think it's|a terrible thing I'm doing?
You know,|deceiving my husband?
No, I-|It's none of my business.
Well, I do.
Beg you listen me, don't be|kissin' me till I'm done
I'm some champion of reason|like seasoning
Pepper your thoughts with spice|and entice you to a space
Where bass players|or layers are leaps
Think what I think|with my prayers, it's nice
My world is everything|I've become contained
In the hum|between voice and drum
I'm comin' from the same place|I'm still runnin' from
Even sittin' in the garden|I can still get stung
- Hi.|- Hello.
I'm gonna go outside|and take a walk.
Will you watch|my stutt tor me?
- Yeah, sure.|- Okay.
My Jesus
Mr. Spiro, hi.|It's Sarah Lewis.
Yeah, listen, I'm on my way down to sell|the bagel shop. I should be there-
What?
No.
Mr. Spiro, I think|that's a misunderstanding,
'cause the man who called couldn't|possibly have been my husband.
No.
No, Mr. Spiro, actually, my husband|- He's coming with me to sell the property.
- Hi.|- No, no, no, no. I have these. How ya doin'?
- It's okay. I can pay for them.|- It's the least I can do.
- Two tor the 9:30 to Savannah, please.|- Thank you.
Residents of Savannah,|Georgia, are at risk...
for the hurricane to make landfall|by tomorrow afternoon.
Where's my wallet?
Fun in the sun.
You've already won.|We're taking you to Miami.
Hey, Ben,|you know what this is?
This is one ot those real estate things|where they give you prizes.
You look at one ot their condos. I used|to do phone solicitation for these guys.
I was wonderin' why you hadn't|mentioned phone solicitation.
They'll take you anywhere it they think|there's a chance of you buyin' a condo.
I'm sure you've done this before,|but it's not my speed.
Benjie, make you|a deal, okay?
I will get you on the bus. I'll get you|down to Savannah for your wedding,
if once we're down there just for a couple|ot minutes, you pretend you're my husband.
What do I have to do? Treat you badly|and get you to make bad investments?
No. We have no other option.|What options do we have? Zero. None.
Yet still somehow, they seem|more appealing than this one.
I'm going another way.|Wait, Sarah.
- I don't wanna be your husband.|- Ben. Ben.
- Do you think I like these?|- I don't know. Everybody's ditterent.
No, Ben, this is not tor me.|This is tor a little person.
- I know, your nephew.|- No, not my nephew, my son.
- You have a son?|- Yes, I have a son.
I have a ten-year-old boy who lives|in Savannah with my tirst ex-husband.
And, um, I haven't seen him|in, like, two years.
I wanted to take the money trom the|store, and I wanted to give it to him...
for college or school|or whatever he wanted.
It didn't matter to me,|but I can't go in there empty-handed.
So, please?
Hey, everybody.|I want your attention for one second.
Hey, everybody.|I want your attention for one second.
I'm like to introduce|two new sun seekers.
Okay, Ben and Sarah.
- Holmes and Lewis.|- Just married.
Yes, I'm keeping my name.|What am I? His slave?
They missed their bus, so|I thought we'd give them a ride.
Actually, as it turns out,|they are looking for a place to live.
We were gonna stay with his parents, but I can|take that tor a week betore I poke out my eye.
No otfense, honey,|but really, they're not human.
And guess what, everybody.|You're gonna love this. Ben is a doctor.
We came to the right bus.
Tell 'em what|your specialty is.
What's your|speciality, pooky?
Tsk.
He's a surgeon. Yeah.
- Going to be.|- Going.
He's shy.|Brain surgeon.
That's why we're|relocating down to Miami.
Let's tace tacts. It's like|one big emergency room down there.
No oftense. No otfense.
Every day I get in the queue
Too much, magic bus
Get on the bus|It takes me to you
I'm so nervous|I just sit down and smile
Okay, one hour fiesta. A little taste|of Mexico, and you can drink the water.
Ben Holmes.|Sorry about the collect call.
I'll reimburse you when I get-|Okay. Is Bridget around?
Uh-huh. She's out to lunch.|Okay. Who's Steve?
- Come on.|- Yes.
Hyah, hyah, hyah.
Hyah, hyah,|hyah, hyah.
Hi.
You wanna go on|the spinning sombrero ride?
- No, not really.|- Oh, come on.
Bunch of 70-year-olds|are going. Come on.
Sarah, there's two kinds|of people in lite.
The kind that look at the spinning|sombrero ride and think...
that there's maybe some|amusement to be had there...
and the kind that look at it and think,|"Where will I throw up atter?"
You really should get some thrills in|your lite before you die.
- Nausea is not a thrill.|- Shh!
I've noticed you around.
Everybody, say,|"Come on, Ben. "
Come on, Ben!
All right.
Whoo!
Don't throw up on me, Tony.
Let it out, baby!
Murray!
Hey! Stop the ride!
Stop the ride!
Give him some room.
Where's Dr. Holmes?|Anybody see Dr. Holmes? Dr. Holmes!
Dr. Holmes, I think we, uh-|I think we need you.
Step back. Let the doctor|do some work, huh?
- Uh, all right. Call 911.|- Somebody call 911!
We're gonna get|your head back here.
Okay. Listen for breath,|check tor a pulse.
Hey, you know what.|Step back, guys.
Let him breathe|a little bit, huh? Step back.
Excuse me, guys.|Excuse me.
Dr. Keller,|this is Dr. Holmes.
He suffered an acute|myocardial infarction...
that was complicated|by ventricular fibrillation.
Okay.
But he's going to be fine.|You saved his lite. Good work, Doctor.
Good work.
Hey, everyone, I think|out of respect for Florence,
we're gonna stay|here in town tonight, okay?
I made arrangements|at a local moteI.
We really have to get on the road,|so we're gonna part ways here.
- I absolutely insist. See ya outside.|- No, no, no, we're-
Wow. What a passion pit.
It's the honeymoon suite. Imagine|what the wedding must have been like.
Mm-mmm.
I think I'm gonna|take a bath.
- Hi.|- Door won't close.
Need some help?
Thank you.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
If I call|three times a day
Come and drive|my blues away
Be ready to play
Do your, do your
If you want|to have some luck
Give your baby|your last buck
And it you can't be
With the one|you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Love the one|you're with
- I heard you said|you didn't love me
If I need attention
Call, I'll call you|on the phone
I'm gonna head down to the gitt shop.
- It's Ben.|- Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.
If my radiator|gets too hot
Yeah, Dad, uh, wire|the money to, uh,
Cash-O-Gram otfice|in Orin, South Carolina.
Yeah, Ben, Orin, South Carolina,|but what are you do-
- What is he doing in South Carolina?|- I'm handling this.
What are you doing|in South Carolina?
What's going on? Are you coming|through the Bermuda Triangle?
Could I talk to|you guys a second?
- Certainly.|- Yeah, sure.
I was wondering-|I mean, I- Are you happy?
- You're asking if we're happy?|- Yeah.
- We're very proud ot you.|- That's not what he asked.
- He asked if we're happy.|- I heard what he said.
- Why shouldn't we be happy?|- I mean, uh-
With your lives together,|with your marriage.
- What kind ot questions are these?|- What's this about?
Well, on the way down here,|I met this woman.
- Oh, Ben, you idiot!|- Would you let him talk?
What woman, you idiot?
She's just-|It's not like that.
It's just that she's completely|ditferent than anyone I've ever met.
Please! They always are!
This is not good timing.
- You're supposed to be getting married.|- I know, Mom.
I want to know how, when you got married, how|you knew you were the right ones for one another.
I understand. Listen to me.
Ben, when I met your father, I had|an opportunity to marry Sam Wellman.
- Sam Wellman?|- Shh! Will you please?
- Who is now a very prominent|businessman- - He sells pools.
They're not even built-in.|They're the kind you blow up.
- Some are built-in.|- Even they leak.
It's okay. You know what?|It's tine.
I was just curious,|but it's-
Dad, I appreciate it|it you could wire the money.
- I'll be down there as soon as I can, okay?|- Okay, kid. Take care, huh?
Yeah. Bye-bye.
Thanks.
- Whoo! Okay.|Okay, now, we're honeymooning.
All right.
But, I mean, it seems like|what you're saying, though,
is that marriage|itself is good.
Oh, you know, yeah- You gotta remember|your parents were young once.
They went out dancing.
They made love|in the back seats of cars.
Then they got married and had kids,|and the kids, they slowly...
sucked the life|right out of them,
until all their passion,|all their visions of a life...
of great adventure are reduced|to hoping to be able...
to sit on a goddamned toilet|in peace!
Well, I'm gonna get|something to eat, Joe, so I-
Well, I'm gonna get|something to eat, Joe, so I-
- I can't believe it!|- How weird!
- Ben! Oh my God!|- Hey!
- What's going on? Hey, Debbie.|- Hi!
- How are ya?|- I'm good.
- What are you doing here?|- What are you doing here?
Uh, it's- You would not believe|what happened to me.
Tell me about it. When they closed|La Guardia, I couldn't get a flight...
out ot Newark or J.F.K.,|but, uh, luckily, uh,
Debbie here|had a vehicle.
Uh, well, there's a certain symmetry|there. Best man, maid ot honor.
- You know.|- Well, not really.
- This is Joe.|- Hi. Farrell.
Head ot the Sunshine Seekers|Real Estate Company.
Joe, uh-|Joe gave me a ride down here.
And it was a pleasure.|Quite a couple.
- So, you guys staying here?|- No, no, it's like the only place for miles.
You know, we thought we'd stop,|get a bite to eat, pee.
- Yeah, so come on. We'll give you a litt.|- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- You're not taking the good doctor away trom us now.|- The good doctor?
So, maybe you guys|should just eat,
and I'Il just come back down|and meet you in say, you know-
- Fifteen minutes? Is that good?|- Great.
- Let me grab the stuft out ot my room.|- You got a- You got a room?
- Yeah, the honeymoon suite.|A little ba-da-bing.
That's right.|Rehearsing tor tomorrow night.
- What's tomorrow night?|- Hey, this kid's gettin' married.
Yeah.
That's- that's funny.|He's already married.
That's true,|you know,
but, uh, in my heart|I'm already there.
But we all have lives to lead, so let's move|on with that, and I'll see you guys in a bit.
Nice talking to ya, Joe.|Okay, guys.
You gotta have heart
Please, ma'am,|I need your signature, ma'am.
Signature? For what?
Look at this.|It says "'damaged. " Do you see?
- Can you read, young man? D-|A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged. - Damaged.
We're very proud ot Ben.
If he's late, believe you me,|he has a good reason.
What I don't understand is how,|in this day and age...
ot A.T.M.'s and cell phones|and the Internet...
and Voyager Two,
could it take two days-|two days-
to get from New York|to Savannah.
Oh, don't drink|out of the bottle, darling.
Thank you.
We are really|very proud ot him.
This is ridiculous.
I'll put an end to this|right now.
Pretending to be a doctor, listening to|my parents' advice on my personal lite.
Sarah? Sarah?
And where's my lousy|maid of honor? Where's Debbie?
Huh?|Can I not at least have that?
Who's supposed to be pouring me drinks while|I'm being stood up by the so-called groom?
Answer me that.|Thank you.
Honey, he'll be here.|It's all gonna work out.
It's true, Bridge.|Husband and wife, that is something.
It must be nice to see your parents|back together, though.
Yeah, talk about|a match made in hell.
What do you mean,|"back together?"
What do you mean|you're separated?
Oh, honey, baby,|sugar lump,
it means your tather|has an apartment he stays in...
- when you're not here.|- I'm never here.
I stay there a lot.
When were you|going to tell me?
Honey, we didn't want to|spoil your wedding.
This is your special time.|WelI, it would have been.
Okay.
Get me outta here.
Whoo!
- Look who's here. Hey, Ben.|- There's Ben.
I want to buy this man-
Whoo!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Get out there.
How can you|resist it?
You look like you should be writing to your|congressman to protest cuts in Medicare.
Really? That's exactly|the look I was going tor,
compliments ot|Sun Seeker Phyllis.
Listen, Sarah,|I just ran into, uh-
Shh. You can't do|two things at one time.
- Well, the plans that we sort ot-|- Okay.
You obviously didn't win your tiancee|over on the dance tloor either, did you?
How did you|and Bridget meet?
- Uh, at a party.|- And?
- It was a surprise party.|- Oh, what a beautitul story.
It must have been|a magical night.
No wonder you can't|write your vows.
No ottense, but I'm not sure I should be|taking romantic advice from you.
- You think?|- Failure's a fantastic teacher.
You could learn from my mistakes.|I could tell you...
everything I hated about my husbands and|my boytriends so you don't do the same.
- Should I get a pad?|- Get a scroll.
- A scroll?|- Aw, okay.
Never forget her birthday. Make|a really, really big deaI out of it.
Atter sex, hold her|for a little while.
- You know, talk to her like a human being.|- Ah.
Uh, oh, and do not|wear your socks to bed.
- Why?|- No socks to bed,
because you might not be|all that attractive to begin with.
No. Keep going.
Always, always side with her|in an argument with your mother.
Um, listen to her|like you mean it.
Supportiveness is|a really, really sexy turn-on.
- Never, ever hit.|- No.
No.|And, um,
- no matter what annoying habits she has,|- Mm-hmm.
just realize that she's dealing with a|huge mountain ot imperfections every day.
So you might just|want to let it go.
- That's it.|- That's it?
Yep.
- Hey, can I sit there?|- Hey.
- Hey- Aaah! Ohhh!|- Oh!
Uh, let's get some air.
- Why?|- I'm just- I'm hot.
Grilled prawns|or something?
One second.
- What's the matter with you?|- Hmm?
- What's the matter with you?|- Nothing's the matter with me. Do, uh-
- Do you know how to swim?|- Of course I know how to swim.
Aaah!
I'm tellin' you,|I saw him come out here.
That- That's him down there.|That's him.
- I don't see anything.|- There's a body at the bottom ot the pool.
No, I think that's|just a big drain.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, and P.S.- you're a moron.
Hello? Excuse me?|Hi. Hi.
- Do you know Ben Holmes?|- I'm sorry. Know who?
Ben Holmes. Is that Ben|at the bottom of the pool?
I don't know, but I could|go ask tor you.
It's not Ben, okay?|He's afraid of the water.
He goes to the beach in a suit and tie.|Come on, let's go.
I found it!|I got it, I got it.
- What?|- Goldarn contact lenses.
You oughta just stick with glasses.
Oh, hey, guys?|What's going on? What's happening?
- Hi.|- Hey, Alan.
This is Sarah.|Sarah, Alan.
- This is my best man at my wedding.|- Hey. How are you?
Debbie.|This is the maid of honor.
- Hi, Debbie.|- Hi.
So, how'd you two|hook up?
Uh, I wouldn't say|that we're hooked up, really.
I sort ot barely|know this person, but-
You were on the bus, right?|Yeah, we rode down on the bus together.
There's a whole group of folks.|Rode down together.
Okay, and the whole|pool thing?
She tell in the pool,|and uh,
didn't look like|she was a strong swimmer.
She was kind of|flailing around, so I-
There's no lifeguard on duty|if you see the sign there,
So I jumped in,|and you know, hauled her out.
Then, in the course ot that,|the contact lens tell out.
Here you go, miss. You oughta be caretul|with these, because they're-
Here you go.|It's your contact lens.
That's a great story.
Bridget's really lucky|to be marrying such a great swimmer.
Whoa! What happened here?
Well, perhaps after you dry off,|you'll come back in for another dance?
- You got it, Herman.|- Dr. Holmes, you don't mind...
if I dance with your wite,|do you?
Yeah. You don't mind,|do you sweetie?
- All right, all right. Well, I'll see you in there.|- Okay.
I'm pretty disappointed|in you, Ben.
You know, everybody's always|telling Bridget she's so lucky...
because you're such|a nice guy.
Debbie, I am a nice guy, all right?|This is not what you think.
Okay.|Whatever, Dr. Holmes.
Okay?
- Alan?|- Ben, you don't need to explain, okay?
Remember, I'm the guy|who begged you...
to sleep with more women|before you got married.
I am not sleeping|with her, man!
Okay?|There's nothing going on!
Why- Why won't you|listen to me?
- Maybe because I'm getting married tomorrow?|- All right, look, Ben.
It you're not gonna|take advantage ot a night...
that's gonna get you through many sad,|pathetic, lonely years, then-
My God.
I'll see you in the lobby|in five minutes.
I hate to remind you,|but we had a deal, remember?
You were supposed to be my husband if I|got you a ride. Do you remember that?
Yes, I remember|that arrangement.
I did not, however,|presuppose the tact that Debbie...
is now on her way down to tell|my tiancee that I am holed up...
in a hotel room in South Carolina|somewhere with a woman...
claiming to be the wife|ot the good Dr. Ben Holmes!
What was I supposed to do?|The Sunshine people think we're married.
They would have stoned us. As it is, I already|feel bad enough about not buying a condo.
Why don't you just|tell Bridget the truth?
What kind ot marriage do you have|if she doesn't believe you?
- Just explain why you're with me-|- Sarah, I'm not with you!
We're not together!|This is not a relationship!
I just happen to be traveling|alongside a natural disaster!
- You know what?|I really feel sorry for you.
'Cause at least when I was getting|married, I could admit I was scared.
- WelI, save me your pity, because I am not scared.|- You know what?
You have such a problem|with honesty, Ben, you know that?
- Oh.|- You can't tell your tiancee what's going on.
You can't explain something absolutely|simple and innocent to your best man,
and you are|with me, Ben!
You could have left a hundred times,|but you didn't!
- I tried to!|- Then why are you still here?
I'm leaving!|All right, tine!
You wanna talk about honesty?|Let's talk about honesty.
- Bring it on.|- You complain about your lite, nonstop, all the time.
It's all your tault.
You are a beautiful, incredible woman.|You could have any guy you wanted,
but you keep picking|these losers.
And the only thing I can think ot|is that you choose these guys...
who are intellectually inferior to you|so that you can control them,
but still teel conveniently wounded|when the relationship ends.
You're the one that's afraid of commitment.|You back out of every job you ever have!
You run away from anyone|and anything,
and you think it's so|unconventional and liberating,
when in tact, it's just|cowardice and juvenile...
and unable to face|the real world!
Ha! Okay, you want honesty,|I'll give you honesty.
Do you know why you can't|write your marriage vows?
Because you are absolutely territied|that you have nothing to say.
And why would you, Ben?|Because you run around so scared...
that lite is gonna throw you this|curveball that'll completely shatter...
this crystal clear, pertect existence that|you've created for yourselt in your Day Timer,
that you blurb your way out of teeling|anything emotional, anything real.
You have no emotions, and that's|what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.
You know what?|At least I don't sit around obsessing...
that no one's going to|come to my tuneral,
because I have relationships|that last longer than a week.
- My funeral is gonna be packed!|- You know what, Ben?
That is just great.|And I know your eulogy...
is gonna look so nice|on the back of a book cover.
I just think you are|an immature, seltish person.
WelI, I'm|obviously wrong.
Have a fabulous time in Westchester.|I do hope you enjoy the minivan.
God! How great it must be to be|so cool and above everyone, huh?
It must be great!|Let me ask you somethin'.
How cool is it|to abandon your kid?
I was 17 years old, okay? Fuck you.|You don't know anything about it.
- All right, well, try 27, Sarah,|- Nothing.
because seventeen's not|working anymore.
Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift|Notes and have a nice wedding, okay?
- Have a nice divorce.|- Okay.
Four, three, two, one.
- Okay, I'm leaving.|- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.
Five minutes. There he is.|I think he's- Come on!
No, no, no,|don't-
- Well, that was smooth.|- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.
What's your point?
Well, you see, if I'm|gonna turn my life around,
I can't very well|break up your marriage.
I'll have bad luck tor the rest of|my lite, karmically speaking, and I-
I am getting|married tomorrow,
I have nonretundable|tickets to Hawaii,
and I cannot make myself|leave this room.
Well, I like you too, Ben.
I-
I can't go through|with a marriage like that. I can't.
Ben, relax.|We didn't even get to second base.
Have you seen Dr. Holmes|and his wife?
We're doing the raftle.
He's not Dr. Holmes,|and she's not his wite.
Okey dokey?|Okey dokey?
I'm gonna tell her.
I think at the very least|she deserves that.
If I can teel this way|about someone else-
Hey!|Come on!
- Why does this have to get dangerous?|- Get in, you treak!
God!
Is that your ride?
Yeah.|Yeah, it was.
Now what are you|gonna do?
I don't know. Let's go get|the money my tather wired.
That should get us|a cab at least.
This is actually the pertect car|for this trip.
It's already been wrecked, totaled|and destroyed. What else can go wrong?
Well, you asked.
Really. That's interesting.
That's not really|that funny, actually.
I think we should just sit here|and wait tor the locusts to come!
Oh, my God.
- Oh.|- Oh.
- Yeah. All righty.|- Yeah.
She's on tire, Ben.
Well.|I guess we should, uh-
Yeah.|We should-
I am slipping!
This is so wrong.
But it teels so right to me.
Oh, good evening.
Good evening.|Good evening.
- Hi, Joe.|- It is a good evening, isn't it?
Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.
We made a call. There's no|Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.
Unless you're|a veterinary brain surgeon.
Well, all God's creatures|are welcome in my otfice.
But the way you two carry on,|you oughta be ashamed of yourselves!
- You tell 'em.|- There is the matter of your bill.
Thank you very much.
I'm really sorry.
- Let's look at this bill here.|- Seems a little excessive.
No, if you add the two and the two,|that's tour, and then, uh-
Run!|Jesus! Jesus!
How long do you think|before they call the police?
- Oh, about tive minutes ago.|- All right.
Yesterday I was just trying|to get married, today I'm a fugitive.
Okay, I get it now.
This is a sign.|This whole thing is a sign.
I am not supposed to get married.|Loud and clear.
We have to be in Savannah|in the morning.
The tuzz|are atter us.
Hey, Ben, how much was that car|we saw back in the lot?
The disaster car?|It was $150.
'Cause I'm thinking|that if, uh-
It somebody went|into this place right here...
and did, you know, a little bump and grind|tor the good old boys, they could, uh-
they could probably walk out ot there|with that amount ot money in their pocket.
Strip dancing?
You're saying you'd just go in and strip|dance? I'm talking about something serious.
Ben, let's weigh out|our alternatives here.
On one hand, what do we have?|We have a little harmless dancing...
that gets us to Savannah|where I have $25,000 waiting tor me,
and you have what, 130 ot your closest|family and friends waiting for you.
And on the other hand,|we have- oh, look, we have nothing.
Oh, there's nothing there. So, we have|dancing, going to Savannah. Oh, nothing!
- I see where you're going with this.|- You know I'm right.
The tuzz.
All right. Am I being|too prudish about this?
Is that what it is? Maybe I am.|I just gotta open my mind.
You go in there, you take your|clothes otf, you have the power.
Post-feminist. It's aggressive.|You have the power and control.
I know what I'm doing.|Watch my back.
Watch your back?|What, are we on Mod Squad now?
- Hiya. How ya doin'?|- Good.
I was wondering if y'all|had any entertainment.
- We got a pool table out back.|- What would you say to somebody dancing on it...
tor a set price of,|I don't know, $150?
I could guarantee you|a really good show.
- $150 seems like a lot of money.|- What? Look at her.
I am looking at her.|I'm not interested.
How much tor you|to dance?
- Excuse me?|- Ben,
I think this is|one of these places...
where everyone would much rather|see you dance than see me dance.
- You mean-|- Get your hands off of my man
Get your hands off of my man
It's not tunny anymore,|because I don't even like...
to be naked at home|in my shower by myself.
- So, it was okay tor me a minute ago?|- Well, it's on your resume.
If you want me to blurb you|a novel, I could do that.
So much for power and control,|big guy. Get up there.
- All right, I'm sorry.|- There you go.
Oh, watch me ride
I'm a sexual animal|Eat you like a cannibal
Prime for the energy
I'm inflammable
Yeah, I finished my beer|So come here
And get nice while I|Lick your ear
Put your legs over there
And kinda swing on a chair
I swear you look wicked
When your hand|is in your hair
Eyes half closed|Cute little nose
And like a pound|of self raising
I roll and roll
Step out of my clothes
Like I'm doing|the right thing
It was pumping|and she was frightening
Yeah, lightning flashed|and thunder roared
They're really cheering tor you.|You're doing a great job.
Nope. Everyone in here|is looking at your ass.
This is where|I'm lost all night
If loving you is wrong|I don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right
Don't wanna be right
If I come first|Well, that's not worse
One take like an earthquake
I'll take a delight in making|the bedsprings sing all night
If loving you is wrong|I don't want to be right
- Whoo! Ha ha! Can do! Let's check it out.|- Come on.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!|Look at that!
Convertible style.
I'm a sexual animal
Eat you like a cannibal
Well, I didn't have...
the g-string and the cowboy boots, but, uh,|I think it was a good showing nonetheless.
Don't be too proud ot yourself.|You weren't that good, Ben.
Don't be jealous.
It's amazing, because the things you find|so exotic and interesting right now...
are gonna be the same things that|you're gonna hate me for in the end.
Why am I hating you|in this scenario? What's-
Okay?|Trust me.
A lot ot stutf's happened really tast.|You're just not registering it.
It's registering, okay?|I'm a gay dancer and I'm proud.
I'm a gay, gay strip dancer|and I love it.
Registered. Cha-ching! Change!
The password is "denial," okay?|You've known me two days.
Two days. Now we're on our way down|to go break up your marriage.
That has|nothing to do with you.
I don't believe you.
I don't either.
Amanda is beginning to gather|strength as it continues...
its journey in the Atlantic.
It's currently|a category two hurricane.
The hurricane is continuing|its push towards the northwest,
and that means the coastlines|of Georgia and South Carolina-
He'll make it.
That's it right there.|Yep.
- Oh, my God, that's Carl.|- Carl?
My husband.
Surprise, sweetheart.|Who's this?
I know it's not the guy you're trying to|sell the place to, 'cause I got an injunction.
Bullshit.
This is so fake.
You can't even get|an injunction that tast, all right?
- What are you doing this to me for?|- Carl.
- I have to get back pretty soon, so-|- This is my place, okay?
- I bought it with my money.|- Your place?
- Yeah.|- For chrissakes, Sarah, we're married.
You wanna sell the place?|That's fine, we'll sell the place.
You can send the money down to your kid|it that's what your worried about.
Now, come on.
Come on, angel.|You got no place else to go.
I'm not going, Carl.
You ungratetul bitch.
- What?|- Hey. Hold on.
- Nobody's talking to you, my friend.|- Okay. Just cool it.
- Sarah, get in the car.|- I'm not going, Carl. Forget it. Not going.
- I said get in the car, now!|- No, I'm not getting in the car!
Goddamn you.|Hey, what's your problem?
You sleep with her and you|think that means something?
- You don't know what you're|talking about. - Don't you tell me-
- Ohh!|- You all right? You okay?
- Did you find my thumb?|- Get outta here, Carl.
- Go! Go!|- You know, I got news tor you, buddy.
- You're just the next number on the list.|- Just go home, man.
You know what happened with her kid?|What did she tell you?
Carl, don't.|CarI, don't.
- She let the dad raise him? Well, that's bullshit!|- Shut up.
The kid|chose the tather.
She was never|even around.
But even a six-year-old|could see.
You can't trust her.
Enjoy the ride, pal.
- Hey, are you okay?|- Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.|Now I can't even go see him.
Who?|Your little boy?
Hey.
- Why? Because of $25,000?|- Yeah.
Aw, Sarah.
I don't know anything|about raising kids,
but I don't think $25,000|is gonna win him over.
I think he wants to see you.
Can't win him over. He obviously|doesn't want what I have to ofter.
Sarah, you have the most|incredible ability...
to make people|absolutely crazy about you.
No, I have the ability|to make people crazy.
That's what I can do.|Really well.
Sarah, everybody loves you.
You just-
You just think|they're all wrong.
When does your wedding start?
Well.
Seventeen minutes late.
Ben's usually|very prompt.
You must be|so very proud of him.
I hate to interrupt,|but I think the hurricane...
may arrive|betore the groom.
Good Lord.
Ben, where are you?
Look, we'll-
I just wanna get my bearings|here for a second.
Okay.
- Well.|- All right.
Two strangers arrive at a wedding.|One invited, one is not.
And as the guests arrive|and the appetizers are served,
the true drama untolds just minutes|trom the altar.
I don't think I'm gonna be able|to blurb my way out of this one.
Nope.|Probably not.
Okay. All right.
I'm just gonna|run in there...
just put a quick stop|to this whole wedding thing, you know.
Maybe grab a tew|gifts on the way out.
- You need anything? Bread maker?|- Um-
- Cuisinart?|- No, no, I think I'm good.
Yeah.
You will be here|when I come back, won't you?
Oh, well, you know me.
I would not presume.
All right. Wish me luck.
Ben, do me a favor and just|forget about luck, okay?
Forget about loyalty,|forget about...
being nice, torget about|polite, okay?
Because this is the rest ot your lite|and possibly somebody else's too.
- Yeah.|- You know?
Yeah.
Just be honest.
If her tather happens|to shoot me on my way out,
I guess I'll see you in heaven.
Yeah.|I don't think I deserve heaven.
Ah, Sarah.
You deserve so much more|than you think.
You deserve to be|with somebody...
who will be really, really depressed|if your plane goes down.
- Hey, Ben.|- Hey, man, what happened to you?
What, did you go swimming?
- Ben! Honey, honey, come on.|- I have to talk to you!
- Dad, I can't right now.|- We just want to talk to you for a minute.
- I can't right now! -|Benjamin! - Get in there!
- All right, Benjamin.|- Barbara, please.
I want you to|listen to your father.
- Ben? We were thinking about...|- Yes.
what you were telling us|on the phone,
and the thing is,|nobody knows if it's gonna work out.
It's all|a leap ot taith.
It just so happened|that in my case, I was lucky.
My heart told me|to do something, I did it,
and 32 years later,|here I am.
Don't speak.|You'll ruin the moment.
You have got|a lot ot nerve!
Now, maybe this is how|they treat women back in New York,
but here in Savannah,|we have a little more respect...
tor the sanctity|ot marriage.
- Oh, do you hear yourself?|- I am not talking to you, Virginia!
- Where's Bridget? I want to marry her.|- Who the hell are you?
- Someone who gets to a wedding on time!|- Hi, we haven't met. I'm Ben.
Steve Montgomery. I used to go out with|Bridget and I'm still in love with her.
- Can I see your invitation?|- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Excuse me! Somebody should be asking|for your invitation, all right?
P.S.- you shouldn't even|be having a wedding!
- I saw him in the hotel last night with some woman!|- Whoa! Hey, untrue!
They are just travel friends.|And she's ugly!
Why do you New Yorkers|have to be so unpleasant?
- I like New York.|- Put 'em up!
- Ben?|- Yeah?
Um, in about tive minutes, we're|supposed to be joined tor eternity,
and I was wondering...
if you were gonna get dressed.
- WelI, it it's eternity,|it can wait.
No, no, I think technically|eternity starts immediately,
especially when there's|ice sculpture involved.
- Well, Bridge.|- Yeah.
The truth is-
I'm sorry.
This always happens at weddings,|you know?
I'm sorry I took so long|to get down here. Something happened.
It's okay.|I know.
Debbie told me, and I told her that|it didn't matter because I trusted you,
and I knew you wouldn't|cheat on me.
And then I threw up. But, um-|Everything else was going wrong.
Everything was going wrong,|and my parents are separated,
and then this guy Steve,|who-
Bridge, you know what?
I always thought that there was this one|perfect person tor everybody in the world.
And when you tound|that person,
like the rest of the world|just kind ot magically taded away...
and the two ot you would just|be inside this kind ot...
protective bubble,|but there is no bubble.
I mean, or if there is,|we have to make it.
I just think that life is more|than a series of moments, you know?
We can make choices, and we can choose|to protect the people we love,
and that's what makes us who we are,|and those are the real miracles.
Stop me when it just becomes glaringly|obvious that I have no idea...
- what I'm talking about.|- No, I know what you're talking about.
I do. I know exactly|what you're talking about.
Farewell, Ben.
I tell in love with you|the moment I saw you.
And when I saw you up there on the balcony,|I tell in love with you all over again.
None ot the plane crashes|and the hurricanes...
and the other people|will ever change that.
Because when I'm on my deathbed,|I'm gonna know...
that I married the only woman|I ever really loved.
I think you just|wrote your vows.
I love you so much.
- Get her out of the rain!|- Guys, hold on.
You guys, it's only rain.
All right, all right.
I'm okay.|I'll be right back.
- It's okay.|- Bridge! Bridget!
You wanna get married|like this?
Let's go get married...|under a waterfall in Hawaii!
- Okay.|- Okay. Let's go.
Morning smiles
Like the face
Of a newborn child
Better said unknowing
Rejoicing
From the sight|of a long lost friend
Speaks to me of course
But I feel
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here
In this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
It's nothing I'm not|feeling how to fall
Wind in tow
Grapes the flow|trembling on the vine
- Nothing needs to shelter|- Don't hit my house, bad lightning.
You're gonna|burn us down!
But I feel
I have nothing to give
Well, there's one quote|that pretty much sums it up.
It's from a bishop in the 16th century.
He said,|"Marriage has less beauty...
but more safety|than the single life.
It's full of sorrows|and full of joys.
It lies under more burdens,
but it is supported|by all the strengths of love.
And those burdens|are delightful. "
I have nothing to give
Sometimes the people we meet|change us forever.
I've never forgotten Sarah,|and I'm pretty sure I never will.
Wherever she is,|I really hope she's happy.
In the end, all you can do is|commit to the people you love,
hope for a little luck...
and some good weather.
Hearts gone astray
Keeping hurt when they go
I went away
Just when you needed me so
You won't regret
I'll come back begging you
Don't you forget
Welcome love we once knew
Yeah
Where life's river flows|No one really knows
You're someone left to show|the way to lasting love
Like the sun it shines|Endlessly it shines
You always will be my|eternal love
Whenever love went wrong|Ours would still be strong
We'd have our own|Everlasting love
This love will last forever
Open up your eyes|Then you'll realize
You've always been my|everlasting love
Need you by my side|Come and be my bride
Never be denied|Everlasting love
From the very start|Open up your heart
Feel the love you got|Everlasting love
Everlasting love
If you're dumb and confused
And you don't remember
Who you're talking to
Concentration
Just seems to fade
'Cause your baby|is too far away
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
Don't be angry
Don't be sad
Don't sit quiet
Good times you had
'Cause there's a girl
Right next to you
She's just waiting
For something to do
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with
Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do
Turn your heartache
Right into stone
'Cause she's a girl
A girl alone
So get it together
And you can fight
You're not gonna need|any more goodbye
There's a rose|in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies|with the dove
And if you can't be|with the one you love
Honey, love the one|you're with