FP4: EVZ (2023) Movie Script
1
(excited synth music)
(mechanical whirring)
(rock music)
- [JTRO] So the story goes,
that once upon a yesterday,
way back in the dry ages,
ducks ruled the Earf until
some Beat God dude named
Beat Massa X came down from the
stars
and brought the blood
sport Beat-Beat Revelation
and a comet full of booze to our
world.
He enslaved the ducks with
the fear of being flipped
straight edge again on the spot.
Because as we all know, without
no booze,
they would become un-drunk.
The Beat Massa descended upon
them with his unstoppable
army of L Black D's and
187ed the known duck world,
in what we now know as the Beat
Wars.
And when da land was sucked dry
of all of her fossil boozies
the Beat Massa began the cycle
anew.
The Wet Shit swept across the
land.
187-ing all the peeps,
And 911-ing Mother Earf,
refilling the fossil boozies
for the new race of enslaved
peeps to mine for him
all over again.
Us.
In the Wastes of the old
world, Beat-Beat Revelation
is still the only way of life.
Where the ultimate prize is the
Quatro,
or booze as it was once known.
Whoever controls the
Quatro, controls the Wastes.
And only one Quatro oasis
remains; the FP, our home.
My name is JTRO.
I'm a RE-NINJ.
A Beat Warrior like my father
before me.
In the many battles we fought,
beating off the rage fueled
followers of Beat Massa X,
we lost many loved ones.
Until I met CHAI-T,
The Beat Battle Queen from the
Wastes
who strengthened the FP with
her tribe of Warrior Ninjawas
and helped us finally
bring peace to the FP.
Shit was chill.
We threw some pups.
Our daughter, CHAI-TRO grew
into a strong young Beat-offer.
But sadly, due to some health
politics,
her brother, JR-TRO took
a dirt nap at birth.
Time passed
until CHAI-TRO discovered
she could beat through time
with her feet on her 18th BD.
She ventured into the past,
helping us destroy Beat
Massa X's booze comet
that was poisoning our Earf.
And together, as a family,
we defeated L DUBBA E.
Finally eliminating the Beat
Massa's only remaining weapon
from the Beat Wars.
But our cycle's time has finally
come.
The Wet Shit,
a never ending storm
of sobriety from which
there ain't no cure,
has swept across the entire Earf
and is on the FP's doorstep.
Can we save the FP in time?
Or will we become stone cold
sober 4Evz?
(mechanical whirring)
(fantasy music)
- Duck marks the spot.
- So this is CHAI-QUACK-TICA,
huh?
- What's left of it.
- It's thought it would
be a little bit bigger
considering it used to be the
most advanced civilization
on Earf or whatevz.
- Well, it was once upon a long
ago.
- Yeah. Now no one even
remembers 'em.
(driving rock-synth music)
- Ducks marks the spot.
(driving rock-synth music
continues)
(musical jingling)
Follow my beats, carefs.
(light ringing music)
- [Announcer] Stank!
Whoopsiedooz!
Floppy twat step!
- Balance, yo.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So do you really think what
we're looking for is here?
- The prophecy was hided
here by the Way Backs.
And only the descendies of
the Way Backs can find it
here again.
- Oh boy.
(ethereal music)
Okay, so now what?
- Two, four, eight.
Two pads.
Two peeps.
- Too easy.
- Left arrow, right arrow.
- Interesting.
- Three, two, one.
(arrows ringing)
- Okay, well that sounded good.
Now what, four?
- Left arrow, down arrow.
- Right arrow, up arrow.
(arrows ringing)
Okay, I'm picking up
what you're laying down.
- Copy-roo.
Eightses.
- All.
- All.
(arrows ringing)
- [Announcer] Two, four, eight.
Combo mode unlocked.
- That means don't miss any.
- Yeah, I know what that means.
- [Announcer] Three,
two,
one.
Beat-Beat.
- Here goes nothing!
(upbeat synth music)
Easy. We're on the same team!
- Then keep up.
- Ahh, fuck me.
(upbeat synth music continues)
- [Announcer] Chill.
- You gassed?
- I'm not gassed,
I'm just breathing.
- You look gassed.
- JTRO, my youngling.
You has finally come.
- Mom?
- I am her memzies.
Left behind to guide y'all
when the time came a-do.
- Time for what a-do?
- Your final battle.
The one that decides the
fate of all our peeps.
- Stopping the Wet Shit, right,
I know.
- Faleses.
There is no stopping the Wet
Shit.
The Wet Shit is the
planet's defense system
leading to a wet age that
reboots the Earf
and refills the Quatro.
It 187'd the ducks
as it will y'all if you fails.
- How do we save our peeps?
- There is hope. A cure for your
peeps.
The Fountain of 4Evz,
where Bloody Quatro brews
with the power of re-life, yo.
- Wait, so where do we
find this Fountain of 4Evz?
- Not, wherezies.
Whenzies.
- Okay, then whenzies?
- The Zero Dark.
- The futies.
- Correcty.
Beyond your time.
It hasn't activated in yours
yet,
but take heed, unlocking
the Fountain of 4Evz
will also unlock him.
- Who?
- Take the Quad-Force.
It will show you the way.
Only the Duckborne can save the
Earf.
Take the Quad-Force, it
will show you the way.
Only the Duckborne can save the
Earf.
- Mom!
Mom!
(computer whirring)
(somber synth music)
- You fresh?
- I never even knew what
she looked like before.
- She had a pretty
cracking rig for a holo-do.
- Yeah, she did.
(Intense magic jingle)
So, do you know what any of that
means?
- Just the hot goss.
We should get this back to DC.
(somber synth music swells)
(upbeat synth music)
- Ducks in a barrel.
(WMD quacking)
(foreboding music)
(radio whirring)
- Chromedome,
come on back.
(radio whirring)
Trailer Henge, hola.
(radio whirring)
Anyone at the 248?
Anybody in the 2-4-8?
(radio whirring)
Fuck.
(foreboding music continues)
(intense thunder storm)
Hasta la vista.
- [Stanya] She's so
jealous of my hot looks.
She's always fucking worried
that I'm hotter than her.
She's right!
- Fokliff!
- Time travel? How 'bout I
go back, time travel to my
trailer and fucking kick your
ass the way I should have!
- So you sent me back in time
so I could tell younger youse
and dadzies that y'all
got 10 365s to find a way
to stop the Wet Shit?
- Well, technically you sent
yourself back through time.
But, yeah, paraphrase.
- Hevz.
Did it work?
- TBD, yo.
- Well, now what?
- Now we wait for Uncle DC
to interpret the prophecy
and then we does what we always
do.
The impossy.
- Yo.
- Yo, Dad-TRO.
You really think we're tuff
enough to 187 Beat Massa X?
- Winning's not about strength,
CHAI-TRO.
It's about patience and
commitment.
- That's hevz.
- Beliee' dat.
- You rents is always so cryptic
and shit.
- A fool who says more than is
necessary
only proves that he is weak and
shit.
(glass smashes offscreen)
- You're late.
- I know.
I know.
What can I get you?
- Me?
- Yeah, you're over 18.
You're awake.
What can I get you?
You know, they say
the perfect drink
can help you see the future
and help you erase your past.
- The right drink has nothing to
prove.
The right drink answers
questions before you even ask.
You heard?
- Yeah, I heard!
- You heard, but do you listen?
- Yes, I listen! Oh my god, dad!
The fucking Wastes are up
to their fucking eyeballs
in the Wet Shit!
And whether you like it or
not, in fucking 7 HRS's,
so are we!
You can't get away from
it, it's impossible!
You heard that?
- Yeah. I'm not deaf, AK.
Here, sip this.
(magical jingle)
Now, what does that drink tell
you?
- That
the impossible is just
something quitters made up
to feel better about themselves.
- Sentence and quitting rolls to
Rage.
- I'll drink to that.
- You'll drink to anything,
you're an alcoholic.
- And I got that from you.
You're my father. So...
- Doctor said not to drink!
(thunder rumbling)
(soft synth music)
(KCDC quacks)
- Alright, hit me, what have we
got?
- A'ight gather round.
It's prophecy mode up in here,
bitch.
Closer.
Reading all this quack
makes my ass all tender, yo.
Yo!
This ain't the post-apocalypse.
It's the post-POST-apocalypse.
The Earf 187'd twice
cause of the Wet Shit.
And if it 187's thrice-
- Hashtag time's up.
- Beliee' dat!
- All right, so what's the
prophecy say?
- Y'all pronouncing it wrong.
The Quad-Force ain't no
prophesy,
it's a proph-e-key.
- What?
(KCDC quacking)
- There is four pieces of the
Quad-Force.
Balance,
expeditiousness,
aggression,
and tempo.
Combined, they unlock
the Fountain of 4Evz,
where the Bloody Quatro flows.
The booze of resurrection
itself that brings life and joy
back to the un-lifed, yo.
And it slumbers deep
down in the Zero Dark.
In the post-post-POST-apocalypse
and shit.
- Jesus-lou-esus.
- But the Bloody Quatro you seek
slumbers
in the Fountain of 4Evz
comes with its ass a price.
Cause it's the very blood
of the Beat Massa X himself.
CHAI-LATTAY told me a time
would come when I'd have to
lay some knowledge on y'all.
Now here I is ready to lay it.
Your mother could also beat
through time,
for she was Duckborne.
As are you, CHAI-TRO.
- Duck what?
- Duck Legend tells of a She-Ro
of time
known as the Duckborne.
- Okay.
- A warrior with the body of a
mortal
and the blood and soul of a
duck,
whose destiny is to help
187 the evil Beat Massa X
once and for all, yo.
- What?
- All right guys, look, lighten
up.
Are you guys actually fucking
for real with this shit
right now?
- This shit's as real as it
gets, JTRO.
It was your mother's duty
to beat through time to this
world to defeat Beat Massa X.
CHAI-LATTAY whooped his ass.
Locked him up tight, threw away
the key.
- The proph-e-key!
(NITRO grunts)
- But your mother new
BMX would return, JTRO.
As long as the Comet of
Dawn poisoned the Earf,
the cycle continues.
The Wet Shit covers the land
and Bloody Quatro begin to flow.
Re-lifing his ass again
and again and again.
- The fuck are we supposed to do
about it?
- She said you'd know when the
time came.
But them wheels of time is
rolling, JTRO.
It's time we roll together.
(loud thundering)
(Quad-Force humming)
- Whoa.
But, I mean, real talk.
This shit's pretty bev, hey.
- This shit is a full on duck
blur, yo.
- Tell me about it.
Now what?
- [Alarm] Intruder, yo.
Intruder, yo.
Intruder, yo. Intruder, yo.
- We got company, Yo.
- Then I guess it's about
time we address the duck
in the room.
(mechanical clicking)
(dance music)
(crowd cheering "Bop")
Who the fuck are you and
what the fuck do you think
you're doing in my town?
- I'm the weapon of mass
duck-struction, Mr. FP.
So don't make my ass quack!
- What the duck?
- I've come for the Duckborne.
So toss her on over
and shit won't get wet.
- Come on over here and
I'll show you wet, asshole.
- 187, y'all, 187, y'all!
(WMD laughing)
- There you go,
TRO-splaining my fucking ass.
Condescending cunt.
- Don't you TRO me unless
you know me, motherfucker.
- Oh, shit!
- Calm-a-do.
- This is calm-a-do.
- Mo' fuckas love running they
mouths til some one shoves
some dirt down they throats.
- Shut his fucking mouth!
- The Duckborne or your town,
Mr. FP.
[Beat-Gat] Click, Click!
What's it going to be?
- Shoot his ass!
- Face down and wet or face up
and dry?
- Shoot his other eye, for
fuck's sake!
- I ain't going to call all
fucking day.
- You going to do something?
Or am I going to have to
walk over there and make you
do something?
- Bap, bap, bap, motherfucker!
- Fuck it. Let's bop.
- A'ight.
[Beat-Gat] Bang!
[Beat-Gat] Blap!
[Beat-Gat] Toasty!
- Dadzies!
[Beat-Gat] Sik!
(CHAI-TRO screams)
[Beat-Gat] King Killa!
[Beat-Gat] De-LOOXE!
- Whoooow!
[Beat-Gat] Hit a house!
- Fuck this!
- I'll wait here.
(upbeat dramatic music)
(low rumbling)
- Yo, 187, yo!
Yeah!
(WMD exhales)
- Take that, duck-duck bitch!
- What's a matter with
you, you duck fucker?
- Fuck duck fucker!
(cheering continues)
- Knock that motherfucker out!
- Put him in a body bag!
(ATRO laughing)
- Now start quacking, duck face.
- Come on!
- What the fuck are you doing in
my town?
- You know.
This.
[Beat-Gat] Click, Click!
(Beat-Gat fires)
- Dadzies!
(JTRO gasping)
- You on the up and up?
- Feel like I just got throat
fucked by a sledgehammer.
- Dadzie!
- Hey! I'll fuckin' shoot you!
- Yo rentz!
- No!
Oh, you sloppy fucking drongo!
- Dadzie!
- Just go. I'll catch up.
Fuck!
(upbeat music)
(Stanya screaming)
(water breaks)
- Oh, shit!
- Yo rentz! Dadzies! (CHAI-TRO
Screaming)
- [Announcer] Three,
two,
one,
remix!
(dramatic music)
(waves crash)
(CHAI-T sniffing)
(JTRO yelling)
- Oh geez. What?
Where the fuck am I?
- Atop of me! Get off!
- Geez, sorry.
Sorry, it's my first time
travel.
Where are they?
- I don't understand.
I was right behind them.
- Okay, fine.
All right, let's just focus
on what we know right now.
Which I guess is fucking
nothing, right?
- We need to calm-a-do.
Refresh-ifie.
At least we have the Quad-Force.
- Yeah, about that. Um...
I think CHAI-TRO had it when
that WMD dude fucking took her.
- So we've lost our
little CHAI and we've lost
the Quad-Force.
(CHAI-T sniffing)
- The future, huh? Far out.
- JTRO, come-a-do.
- Okay.
Are you okay?
(CHAI-T shushes)
(CHAI-T shushes)
- I didn't say anything.
(CHAI-T sniffing)
Is that CHAI-TRO's?
- This way.
- Here we go again.
(rock music)
(CHAI-T sniffing)
I stand alone
With my back to the wall
The road ahead
An endless journey
I've never known
How to answer the call
But no one else
Can do it for me
In this alternate reality
You can find me where I'm
meant to be
Searching for a better future
tomorrow
Tonight
Our destiny is calling me
I will lead us to the better
tomorrow
Tonight
(US national
anthem blows through the wind)
What the fuck happened?
They're all gone.
- We never came home.
(dark music)
- Without CHAI-TRO, we can't
activate the remix again.
(soft synth music)
- [BLT] BTRO's death wasn't your
fault.
It was his.
He wasn't expecting the
unexpected.
But it sure as fuck
expected him, you heard?
And now yo ass is here so you
won't make the same mistakes.
In order to master
Beat-Beat, you gots to master
the four rules of the B.E.A.T.
Gots to keep your shit straight.
All evened out and dialed in to
the end
no matter what slaps you
upside the cock-sucker.
Never ignorant and getting
goals accomplished.
- Yo.
Yo, JTRO.
- Yo.
- So it's true.
You lost her.
- I didn't lose her.
- Well, she ain't here. So...
In fact,
you ain't never brought
her around to see us.
- She wouldn't understand.
I mean, you guys,
everything we went through
together,
it was like another life.
- It wasn't another
life, it was this life!
And it still is, JTRO.
- I don't know how to spit
this shit easy, A'ight,
I'm just going to blast it.
If you lose, little
CHAI-TRO, if you lose her,
it's done.
Everything is D-U-N, dun.
- Forgetting who you was,
forgetting who we was;
that's what's made you weak,
dog.
- Word!
Yo, things only appear
impossible when you forget
how you got here in the first
place, son.
- That's some real shit, JTRO.
- I don't know what to tell you
guys.
I'm fucking old now.
I'm not climbing anymore.
Just feels like I'm falling.
Waiting to hit the ground.
- Falling is an accident.
Getting back up, that's
a fucking choice, JTRO.
- Balance,
expeditiousness,
aggression,
tempo.
JTRO, that is what matters.
Did you forget about that shit?
Forget about us?
- The only one you're going
to be beatin' off is yourself.
- Oh, whatevz.
I'm going to go save my fucking
daughter.
I'm waking off. Peace.
- You tink that worked?
- Mmhmm.
- Still got it.
- Tanks.
- You're welcs.
Any time, Sis-TRO.
- Wow, she's bev.
- Legs go all the way to the
butt.
(distress signal)
[Microphone] Yo!
- Yo, if y'all peepin' this
shit, it means we're all froze.
Stone sober as F.
A tsunami of Wet Shit
is on the FP's doorstep.
But it's all good cause
this is how the proph-e-key
say it do.
If my calculations is correct,
by the time y'all see this shit,
WMD and CHAI-TRO's nearing PMC
territory
up north in the 242 where the
wet shit goes all cold, yo.
If you find they ass, you'll
find the Fountain of 4Evz.
Don't be fearing, JTRO.
We all good here in the rewind.
We just got to take a long
ass nap and sort our shit out
till y'all wake us up.
See you soon, Ninj.
Miss yo ass.
(thunder cracks)
Shit!
Peace, hologram.
Shit!
(creature whinnying)
- Somethin's walk aboutin'.
- What kind of somethin'?
(giant footsteps)
Oh, fuck me.
(loud thumping)
(creature noises)
Hey.
Yo, you guys from around here?
(speaking Spanish)
(upbeat dance music)
- Just so you know,
this is your faultzies.
We should have runzied.
- Oh, come on. It's not
my fault that shit's tough
in the Zero Dark.
- Calm-a-do.
We'll figure it out.
We always do.
- Oh, what, you ain't fearing?
- I ain't even half fearing.
And neither would the JTRO I
first met.
- The JTRO you first met
didn't have so many miles
not so carefully driven on him
either.
To the death?
- Excuse me?
- So you half fearing now?
(rising synth music)
(soft synth music)
(WMD quacking)
- Good morning, Cranberry juice.
- Don't you Cranberry juice me,
duck boy.
- Duck man to you, home girl.
(magical jingle)
- What the Quad-Force?
That shit's mine! Give me
backsies!
- Ain't giving you backsies
nothin'.
Shit's mine.
Fair and circle, boo-itch!
- Oh, and you tie me if you
knew it was real fair, huh?
- And circle.
(duck grunt)
- You're a weirdo. You know
that, right?
- I'm dope as fuck
I do what I want.
- I'm dope a fuck. I do what I
want!
You're a weirdo.
- You don't do shit.
You're tied up as fuck.
I'm doing whatever the fuck I
want,
when I want.
- Cringe.
What the fuck you doing
hauling my ass around all these
mountains through all this cold
shit, hey?
You got the Quad-Force.
Do your thing.
Peace the fuck off.
- Cause this bullshit ass
shit don't do shit without
your dumb Duckborne ass.
Only you can open the Fountain
of 4Evz.
- Then give it.
- Nah. I'm good.
- How about you untie me and
we'll find out how good you is.
One second with my paws
free and youse is dead.
I'm the She-Ro of time, duck
head.
(tape rips)
(loud punch)
(duck quacking)
(distant party music and
cheering)
- I can't even with all this.
Where the fuck is my life right
now?
- Just another step on a
never ending journey, JTRO.
- Jesus.
How did it come to this?
- Why don't you look back every
once a-do?
And memberz?
- Remember what?
It's not like my life ever
really made too much sense.
I mean, the first what,
18 years of my life,
I was just some dip-shit kid
who grew up on some dirt road
in the middle of nowhere.
I didn't even know it
was the post-apocalypse.
- Post-post-apocy.
- Okay, yeah, exactly.
And now look at me.
What, I have magical powers,
some time remixing
She-Ro of time daughter?
And I'm what, trying to stop
some ancient Beat God tyrant
from reawakening, who
wants to destroy the Earf
in the future?
- Okay.
We have a daughter and we're
trying to save the world.
This is our story.
And you don't even know half of
it.
- Come on. What is that supposed
to mean?
- Do you even know that
I'm from another planet?
- Wait, what the fuck? You are?
- Yes.
It's part of what makes me me.
- Okay, look, CHAI,
I've always told you that
I fell for who you is.
Whatever happened to us in our
past,
it doesn't matter.
- Well, it should.
Cause that's how life works,
JTRO.
It's a whole series of
whack-a-doo events that makes
fuck all sense at the time
that somehow always lead us
to today.
And you reflect on the
experiences of those wack-a-doos
so you can get to tomorrow.
Or you can just ignore all that
shit
and keep making the same
mistakes 4Evz.
It's your choice.
(synth music)
(electronic music builds)
(crowd cheers)
(rising synth music)
- Got any ideas?
- If we don't beat off to the
death,
they'll 187 us both.
- Nobody dies today.
- Then keep up.
- [Pine Mutant Language] Tres.
Dos.
Uno!
[Pine Mutant Language]
Beat-Beat!
(rock music)
(arrows whooshing)
(rock music continues)
(arrows whooshing)
So you got a plan?
Or are we just going to sit
here and beat each other off
all night?
- I don't have time for that.
- Hey, take it easy.
- This is easy.
- Okay, we really doing this
right now?
Okay.
(rock music continues)
(arrows whooshing)
Don't do this, CHAI.
Don't make me pull out the trick
shit.
- Please.
You haven't pulled out the
trick shit in a whole pile
of 365s.
(rock music continues)
- What are you trying to prove?
We're too old for this shit.
- Oh, enough of this too
old, blah, blah, blah, shite.
I'm sick of it!
(pine mutant language)
(rock music continues)
Remember who you is and
youse can do anything.
I know why youse is afraid of
chattin' about the past, JTRO.
Because it reminds you
how much time has passed
and how little you think we have
left.
But pretending to be who you
ain't
is what makes you old JTRO.
Beat-Beat is in our blood, yo.
It always has been.
It always will be.
So stop letting time
tell you you're D-U-N.
You tell time when you're D-U-N
with it.
Now let's go hundo P, JTRO.
To the end.
A'ight?
(rock music continues)
(arrows whooshing)
[Pine Mutant Language] Chill.
(soft synth music)
(beat-pads hissing)
(crowd cheers)
(beat-pad hisses)
- Mi familia!
You've finally come.
I'll drink to that.
I'm sorry about all that
beat off to the death stuff.
But we can't just be letting
any assholes in here, ya know?
- These 242 Pine Mutant Ninjas
are the last of humanity.
Mutated from the Wet Shit.
Evolved to live out here in the
Zero Dark.
Lots changed since your time,
JTRO.
But, NITRO said you'd come.
- All right, how the
fuck are you still like-
- What? Alive?
- Yeah, duh.
- NITRO brewed me up one of
his hibernation cocktails.
I woke up 100 whatevz
years later in a cave
on the outside of town.
When I emerged,
I was surrounded by all
these fucking weirdos.
I napped my ass all
the way into the future
to help you guys find the
Fountains of
who gives a shit for NITRO.
- All right, so where the fuck
is it then?
- Okay.
It lies high a-top the
highest peak of Mount Bitch.
Deep within the Massa Pad.
Invisy's to any but the
Duckborne,
blah, blah, blah.
You know the legend.
Look, LSS (Long Story Short),
the only way to unlock the Massa
Pad is.
- The Quad-Force.
- Yes.
Which you've lost.
- Misplaced. Take it easy.
- Well, whatevz.
Luckily, I had a couple
people that spotted your
duck homeboy and a young
lady, which I can only presume
is my niece, hiking up the
summit just a few HRS's ago.
- For realzies?
- Uh huh.
So drink up
before the hot shit comes.
I shall show you the way.
(synth music)
- Is we there yet?
- No.
- Is we there yet?
- No, goddammit!
Shut the fuck up!
- Give some ansies!
- What kind of ansies?
- Oh, I don't know, how
about who the fuck is you
and why the F-U-K is you
do-sing and all this shit?
- A'ight. But shut your
chex guzzler, cause I only
be spittin' this shit once,
okay?
You heard?
The Duckborne that came before
your ass.
- Gramma-LATTAY?
- I'm monologueing,
motherfucker! Shut it, okay!
Anyways, your Gramma imprisoned
my Massa's Massa, BMX.
My Massa's mission was
to find the Quad-Force
and to wake my grand Massa up.
But you and yo rentz slit my
pops ass
and now all this shit's up to me
and shit.
- L DUBBA E was your pops?
- He raised my ass. Call it
whatevz.
And now we're hitting
up the Fountain of 4Evz.
When my Grand Massa's icy cold
ass
harvests the Bloody Quatro
and ages it the perfection
while he sleeps.
- Hold up.
Bloody Quatro?
- Magic booze that can re-life
anything!
Pay attention, dummy!
Jesus.
- Fuck you
and your magic booze boo shit.
What's with all this TLDR, hey?
You ain't Duckborne.
I is.
So why's your posing ass
wearing all that duck shit?
And flashing it all over town?
- Because my Massa fucked up,
a'ight?
He took the wrong kid.
You was the Duckborne.
The She-Ro of time boo-shit, not
me.
- Hold up!
Don't try and gazzump me.
What's under that stupid helmet?
I know that ain't a real mug,
dummy.
- The beats is strong
as F-U-K with my fam.
With my mum,
my pops,
with me.
And with my sis.
- What the H-E dubba L?
(tense music)
Bro?
- So we getting close or what?
- When the twinkies fade
and the hot shit comes,
the Duckborne will be shown the
way.
- Oh, you're so boring!
- Oh, for fucks sake.
- What do want me to do?
- Do your shit.
- I don't know what the fuck to
do.
- Figure it out.
Easy duckets.
(Quad-Force ringing)
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.
(Quad-Force ringing)
(eerie music)
(beat-knucks power on)
- Let's go!
- Yo, duck head,
end of the line.
(beat-gat bangs)
- Momzies!
(WMD quacking)
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. You're not D-U-N yet.
It's not time. You're not D-U-N
yet.
- Is she a breather?
(somber music)
- I don't know.
Kinda.
- Kinda?
- I mean, I took one of those
blasts once.
I did okay.
- Barely. And your her size
times two.
- What happened? What'd I miss?
Oh.
One of those days, huh?
Look guys, I don't know
how to sugar coat this,
she looks really fucked up right
now.
- What the fuck are we going to
do?
- The Fountain of 4Evz.
It's the only way to re-life
her.
But you better go going
fast because she needs
Bloody Quatro now.
- You're the She-Ro of time,
right?
- Yeah.
Hundo P, that's me.
- Then let's go fucking prove
it.
- Guess I'll stay here.
(epic rock music)
(tense music)
(whispy lion growl)
- Hold your horses, dick head.
- What are you waitin' for,
motherfucker?
- Yo.
Dad-TRO.
- Dad-TRO?
What do you mean Dad-TRO?
- He's my bro.
- The fuck are you talking
about?
- He's got an eye patch.
- So what? A lot of people
wearing eye patches these days.
- No one has eye patches
but TROS and you know it.
Sure he's got a lot of Waste
miles on him or whatevz.
- Fuck you!
- But it's him.
Fuck you.
- JR-TRO?
The mother F'n fuck, man, you
died.
- Yeah, past tense and shit.
- Yeah, what kind of and shit?
- Let me just hit you with some
BP's.
L DUBBA E found my ass.
Gave me a 2.0 at life.
He raised me and shit.
And we dreamed of a day,
a day where we'd free our Grand
Massa
from the cage cast upon his ass
by the ducks and the CHAIS!
And together,
we'd escape all that and
we'd escape all that boo-shit
and we'd rule the whole wide
Earf 4Evz.
But you all took that dream
when you gave my Massa
a dirt nap.
So here I is, dose'n what
I can with what I gots.
- What?
What are you doing all this
shit for that fucking ice cube
over there, man?
- Because that ice cube over
there gave me everything!
His blood gave my ass what
neither you or mom-CHAI could.
Life.
- We did the best we
could with what we had.
- Oh yeah, the road to Rage
is paved with good intentions,
ain'ts it?
- Don't you give that shit!
If we had access to
magical god booze blood
from another world, don't
you think we would've used
it on you?
You're my fucking son.
- Bio-son.
Nothin' more.
[Beat-Gat] Click, Click!
Pew Pew Pew Pew Pew!
[Beat-Gat] Freakin' blap
blap blap blap blap!
A'ight. Fuck it. Do you're
thing.
I got some resurrectin' to get
did.
I'm about to bust a
fuckin' duck up in here.
(keys clicking)
(computer whirring)
- [Computer] Launch Beat
Massa reanimation sequence
Initiating. Initiated.
- All right, I got an idea.
- Spill it.
(WMD laughing)
- My fingers are fast as shit!
- There comes a very important
time in every adult's life
when you need to kick the
living shit out of your sibling.
Today's that day, CHAI-TRO.
- So down.
I'm sick of listening to that
poser quack.
- Check it out Ninjas, I'm
ghost-typin'!
- But what are you going to do,
hey?
(musical chime)
- I'm going to do what I do
best.
I'm going to Beat-Beat this
shit right again and send that
fuckin' ice cube packing back
to wherever it came from.
Let's rock.
- Yeah.
- [Computer] Beat Massa
reanimation sequence 21%.
22%.
- Oh, that's it!
I ain't playing no more!
(upbeat music)
- Oh, I got one too.
Let's splash, ninja!
- Let's get wet, bitch.
- [Computer] Enter destination.
- All right, mom.
I hope this is what you meant.
- [Computer] Destination,
the Far As Fuk System
in the Woke Galaxy.
Received.
Eng'yon power up required.
- How the fuck do I power up the
Eng'yon?
- [Computer] Excusez-moi. I has
a name.
- Okay, computer, what's
your fuckin' name?
[Monsieur Computer] Monsieur
Computer.
- Okay, Monsieur
Computer, how do I fire up
the fucking Eng'yon?
- Authentication level three.
300 le-git combo required.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Omega fist mode.
Three,
two,
one,
Beat-Fist!
- Fuck me.
(rock music)
(arrows banging)
- There ain't no joy in
beating the same ass twice,
is there?
- Couldn't tell ya.
I usually just beat ass
right the first time.
- I beat your ass in the ground
the first round, homegirl.
- Are you going to do something?
Or am I going to have to
come over there ane make you
do something, cunt boy?
- No one calls moi a cunt boy!
Check this shit out!
(both yelling)
(loud beat-axe zapping)
- [Announcer] Axe-ellent!
Axe-pert!
Axe-kicker!
Axe-ceptional!
Axe-plosion!
(rock music)
(arrows banging)
(axes beating)
[Announcer] Kiss my axe!
Turbo bitch bash!
- Check this shit out!
- [Announcer] Omega-axe mode!
Crit! Mad crits! Critzilla!
Yo, kick it!
(rock music)
(arrows banging)
- Authentication level three.
Authentic-a-tiy-ated.
Eng'yon power up.
Powering up.
Launch sequence to the Far As
Fuk System in the Woke Galaxy
initiated.
60 S's until launch.
59,
58,
57,
- Two CHAIs with the same
Beat-Gat.
What is the odds?
- There's something dad never
got a chance to teach you
when you was a little bloke.
- Save it, Sis-TRO!
- Winning ain't about strength.
(Beat-Gat firing)
(loud zapping)
It's about patience and
commitment, duck head.
- Whoa!
Ow!
Oh no, right in the fuckin'
duck!
My duck...
Jesus fuckin' duckin' Christ!
- Whatevz.
- [Announcer] Bitch
axe-executed.
(WMD yelling)
- [Monsieur Computer] 30
S's remaining until launch.
29,
28,
- Hey, come on. Let's go.
- But this whole place is gonna
blow.
(WMD whimpering)
He's still my bro.
- You're a fuckin' idiot.
- That's not your bro.
That's just some asshole
that looks like you.
Come on!
Look, CHAI-TRO, I get it.
Okay, look at me and your uncle
AK.
- Ow!
- This isn't goodbye.
It's just fuck you for now.
Let's roll.
(Alarm)
- [Monsieur Computer] 15
S's remaining until launch.
14,
- Oh shit, we got to go.
Have a nice trip.
See you next fall,
motherfuckers.
Let's roll. H'Yah!
- Six,
five,
four,
three,
(monster growl)
two,
one,
zero.
Adieu.
- And you can cut all your hair
off.
But you're still the same
disappointed person that you
always were,
you know what I mean?
(space ship powering up)
Holy shit!
(space ship siren blasts)
What the fuck?
What the fuck?!
(loud explosion)
That Massa Pad's a fuckin'
spaceship?
Did you get the shit?
- Yeah, we got the shit.
(chimezies ringing-a-do'n)
- What the H just happened?
- I wasn't D-U-N yet.
- Neither was I.
- Finally.
Feel like I've been waitin' for
hours.
- Well done, my JTRO.
Though we will never physically
meet,
our pathzies have been evz
interconnected.
The sacra-F's we all made
led you to right here.
Right now.
This may not be the last time
your abilities are called upon
to save your peeps.
(magical chime)
This HRS of peace may not last.
But that does not mean
you should jack yourself
of enjoying this mome-y-do
you've earned.
(flames burning)
The day's come for you
to re-mem and re-flek
on all the shit you've gone
through.
All the faily-dos,
all the victories,
all the experiencies that
have led you to right heres,
right nows.
And you'll refreshifie
knowing you've finally solved
the riddle of RE-NINJ, JTRO.
When your Rage is Extinguished,
Nothing's Impossible on
this Neverending Journey.
Where booze will no longer be
a necessity, but a pleasure.
And yes, everything will change.
But y'all's future is
finally y'all's to make
wherevz you choose.
The FP isn't a place, my TRO.
It's a fam.
And no matter what
happens or wherevz you go,
the FP,
FP is 4Evz.
(epic synth music)
(rock music)
I have lived your life
Full of possibilities
I left my love behind
I got the past in front of me
I see it in your eyes
You are your own enemy
This is your time
Come on and meet your destiny
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
You can face the future
With the rage still burning
inside
When the action calls
Take your fears and bury them
Cause when you take that fall
You gotta get back up again
Back against the wall
And the world is crumbling
You're not alone
This is the day of reckoning
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
You can face the future
With the rage still burning
inside
(rock music continues)
I see it in your eyes
You are your own enemy
This is your time
Come on and meet your destiny
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
Rewrite your story
Take back what's right
You you see the answer
You got it in your sight
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
You can face the future
With the rage still burning
inside
(synth music)
(distant siren)
(mechanical whirring)
(eerie music)
(eerie music intensifies)
(explosion)
(mechanical whirring)
(excited synth music)
(mechanical whirring)
(rock music)
- [JTRO] So the story goes,
that once upon a yesterday,
way back in the dry ages,
ducks ruled the Earf until
some Beat God dude named
Beat Massa X came down from the
stars
and brought the blood
sport Beat-Beat Revelation
and a comet full of booze to our
world.
He enslaved the ducks with
the fear of being flipped
straight edge again on the spot.
Because as we all know, without
no booze,
they would become un-drunk.
The Beat Massa descended upon
them with his unstoppable
army of L Black D's and
187ed the known duck world,
in what we now know as the Beat
Wars.
And when da land was sucked dry
of all of her fossil boozies
the Beat Massa began the cycle
anew.
The Wet Shit swept across the
land.
187-ing all the peeps,
And 911-ing Mother Earf,
refilling the fossil boozies
for the new race of enslaved
peeps to mine for him
all over again.
Us.
In the Wastes of the old
world, Beat-Beat Revelation
is still the only way of life.
Where the ultimate prize is the
Quatro,
or booze as it was once known.
Whoever controls the
Quatro, controls the Wastes.
And only one Quatro oasis
remains; the FP, our home.
My name is JTRO.
I'm a RE-NINJ.
A Beat Warrior like my father
before me.
In the many battles we fought,
beating off the rage fueled
followers of Beat Massa X,
we lost many loved ones.
Until I met CHAI-T,
The Beat Battle Queen from the
Wastes
who strengthened the FP with
her tribe of Warrior Ninjawas
and helped us finally
bring peace to the FP.
Shit was chill.
We threw some pups.
Our daughter, CHAI-TRO grew
into a strong young Beat-offer.
But sadly, due to some health
politics,
her brother, JR-TRO took
a dirt nap at birth.
Time passed
until CHAI-TRO discovered
she could beat through time
with her feet on her 18th BD.
She ventured into the past,
helping us destroy Beat
Massa X's booze comet
that was poisoning our Earf.
And together, as a family,
we defeated L DUBBA E.
Finally eliminating the Beat
Massa's only remaining weapon
from the Beat Wars.
But our cycle's time has finally
come.
The Wet Shit,
a never ending storm
of sobriety from which
there ain't no cure,
has swept across the entire Earf
and is on the FP's doorstep.
Can we save the FP in time?
Or will we become stone cold
sober 4Evz?
(mechanical whirring)
(fantasy music)
- Duck marks the spot.
- So this is CHAI-QUACK-TICA,
huh?
- What's left of it.
- It's thought it would
be a little bit bigger
considering it used to be the
most advanced civilization
on Earf or whatevz.
- Well, it was once upon a long
ago.
- Yeah. Now no one even
remembers 'em.
(driving rock-synth music)
- Ducks marks the spot.
(driving rock-synth music
continues)
(musical jingling)
Follow my beats, carefs.
(light ringing music)
- [Announcer] Stank!
Whoopsiedooz!
Floppy twat step!
- Balance, yo.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So do you really think what
we're looking for is here?
- The prophecy was hided
here by the Way Backs.
And only the descendies of
the Way Backs can find it
here again.
- Oh boy.
(ethereal music)
Okay, so now what?
- Two, four, eight.
Two pads.
Two peeps.
- Too easy.
- Left arrow, right arrow.
- Interesting.
- Three, two, one.
(arrows ringing)
- Okay, well that sounded good.
Now what, four?
- Left arrow, down arrow.
- Right arrow, up arrow.
(arrows ringing)
Okay, I'm picking up
what you're laying down.
- Copy-roo.
Eightses.
- All.
- All.
(arrows ringing)
- [Announcer] Two, four, eight.
Combo mode unlocked.
- That means don't miss any.
- Yeah, I know what that means.
- [Announcer] Three,
two,
one.
Beat-Beat.
- Here goes nothing!
(upbeat synth music)
Easy. We're on the same team!
- Then keep up.
- Ahh, fuck me.
(upbeat synth music continues)
- [Announcer] Chill.
- You gassed?
- I'm not gassed,
I'm just breathing.
- You look gassed.
- JTRO, my youngling.
You has finally come.
- Mom?
- I am her memzies.
Left behind to guide y'all
when the time came a-do.
- Time for what a-do?
- Your final battle.
The one that decides the
fate of all our peeps.
- Stopping the Wet Shit, right,
I know.
- Faleses.
There is no stopping the Wet
Shit.
The Wet Shit is the
planet's defense system
leading to a wet age that
reboots the Earf
and refills the Quatro.
It 187'd the ducks
as it will y'all if you fails.
- How do we save our peeps?
- There is hope. A cure for your
peeps.
The Fountain of 4Evz,
where Bloody Quatro brews
with the power of re-life, yo.
- Wait, so where do we
find this Fountain of 4Evz?
- Not, wherezies.
Whenzies.
- Okay, then whenzies?
- The Zero Dark.
- The futies.
- Correcty.
Beyond your time.
It hasn't activated in yours
yet,
but take heed, unlocking
the Fountain of 4Evz
will also unlock him.
- Who?
- Take the Quad-Force.
It will show you the way.
Only the Duckborne can save the
Earf.
Take the Quad-Force, it
will show you the way.
Only the Duckborne can save the
Earf.
- Mom!
Mom!
(computer whirring)
(somber synth music)
- You fresh?
- I never even knew what
she looked like before.
- She had a pretty
cracking rig for a holo-do.
- Yeah, she did.
(Intense magic jingle)
So, do you know what any of that
means?
- Just the hot goss.
We should get this back to DC.
(somber synth music swells)
(upbeat synth music)
- Ducks in a barrel.
(WMD quacking)
(foreboding music)
(radio whirring)
- Chromedome,
come on back.
(radio whirring)
Trailer Henge, hola.
(radio whirring)
Anyone at the 248?
Anybody in the 2-4-8?
(radio whirring)
Fuck.
(foreboding music continues)
(intense thunder storm)
Hasta la vista.
- [Stanya] She's so
jealous of my hot looks.
She's always fucking worried
that I'm hotter than her.
She's right!
- Fokliff!
- Time travel? How 'bout I
go back, time travel to my
trailer and fucking kick your
ass the way I should have!
- So you sent me back in time
so I could tell younger youse
and dadzies that y'all
got 10 365s to find a way
to stop the Wet Shit?
- Well, technically you sent
yourself back through time.
But, yeah, paraphrase.
- Hevz.
Did it work?
- TBD, yo.
- Well, now what?
- Now we wait for Uncle DC
to interpret the prophecy
and then we does what we always
do.
The impossy.
- Yo.
- Yo, Dad-TRO.
You really think we're tuff
enough to 187 Beat Massa X?
- Winning's not about strength,
CHAI-TRO.
It's about patience and
commitment.
- That's hevz.
- Beliee' dat.
- You rents is always so cryptic
and shit.
- A fool who says more than is
necessary
only proves that he is weak and
shit.
(glass smashes offscreen)
- You're late.
- I know.
I know.
What can I get you?
- Me?
- Yeah, you're over 18.
You're awake.
What can I get you?
You know, they say
the perfect drink
can help you see the future
and help you erase your past.
- The right drink has nothing to
prove.
The right drink answers
questions before you even ask.
You heard?
- Yeah, I heard!
- You heard, but do you listen?
- Yes, I listen! Oh my god, dad!
The fucking Wastes are up
to their fucking eyeballs
in the Wet Shit!
And whether you like it or
not, in fucking 7 HRS's,
so are we!
You can't get away from
it, it's impossible!
You heard that?
- Yeah. I'm not deaf, AK.
Here, sip this.
(magical jingle)
Now, what does that drink tell
you?
- That
the impossible is just
something quitters made up
to feel better about themselves.
- Sentence and quitting rolls to
Rage.
- I'll drink to that.
- You'll drink to anything,
you're an alcoholic.
- And I got that from you.
You're my father. So...
- Doctor said not to drink!
(thunder rumbling)
(soft synth music)
(KCDC quacks)
- Alright, hit me, what have we
got?
- A'ight gather round.
It's prophecy mode up in here,
bitch.
Closer.
Reading all this quack
makes my ass all tender, yo.
Yo!
This ain't the post-apocalypse.
It's the post-POST-apocalypse.
The Earf 187'd twice
cause of the Wet Shit.
And if it 187's thrice-
- Hashtag time's up.
- Beliee' dat!
- All right, so what's the
prophecy say?
- Y'all pronouncing it wrong.
The Quad-Force ain't no
prophesy,
it's a proph-e-key.
- What?
(KCDC quacking)
- There is four pieces of the
Quad-Force.
Balance,
expeditiousness,
aggression,
and tempo.
Combined, they unlock
the Fountain of 4Evz,
where the Bloody Quatro flows.
The booze of resurrection
itself that brings life and joy
back to the un-lifed, yo.
And it slumbers deep
down in the Zero Dark.
In the post-post-POST-apocalypse
and shit.
- Jesus-lou-esus.
- But the Bloody Quatro you seek
slumbers
in the Fountain of 4Evz
comes with its ass a price.
Cause it's the very blood
of the Beat Massa X himself.
CHAI-LATTAY told me a time
would come when I'd have to
lay some knowledge on y'all.
Now here I is ready to lay it.
Your mother could also beat
through time,
for she was Duckborne.
As are you, CHAI-TRO.
- Duck what?
- Duck Legend tells of a She-Ro
of time
known as the Duckborne.
- Okay.
- A warrior with the body of a
mortal
and the blood and soul of a
duck,
whose destiny is to help
187 the evil Beat Massa X
once and for all, yo.
- What?
- All right guys, look, lighten
up.
Are you guys actually fucking
for real with this shit
right now?
- This shit's as real as it
gets, JTRO.
It was your mother's duty
to beat through time to this
world to defeat Beat Massa X.
CHAI-LATTAY whooped his ass.
Locked him up tight, threw away
the key.
- The proph-e-key!
(NITRO grunts)
- But your mother new
BMX would return, JTRO.
As long as the Comet of
Dawn poisoned the Earf,
the cycle continues.
The Wet Shit covers the land
and Bloody Quatro begin to flow.
Re-lifing his ass again
and again and again.
- The fuck are we supposed to do
about it?
- She said you'd know when the
time came.
But them wheels of time is
rolling, JTRO.
It's time we roll together.
(loud thundering)
(Quad-Force humming)
- Whoa.
But, I mean, real talk.
This shit's pretty bev, hey.
- This shit is a full on duck
blur, yo.
- Tell me about it.
Now what?
- [Alarm] Intruder, yo.
Intruder, yo.
Intruder, yo. Intruder, yo.
- We got company, Yo.
- Then I guess it's about
time we address the duck
in the room.
(mechanical clicking)
(dance music)
(crowd cheering "Bop")
Who the fuck are you and
what the fuck do you think
you're doing in my town?
- I'm the weapon of mass
duck-struction, Mr. FP.
So don't make my ass quack!
- What the duck?
- I've come for the Duckborne.
So toss her on over
and shit won't get wet.
- Come on over here and
I'll show you wet, asshole.
- 187, y'all, 187, y'all!
(WMD laughing)
- There you go,
TRO-splaining my fucking ass.
Condescending cunt.
- Don't you TRO me unless
you know me, motherfucker.
- Oh, shit!
- Calm-a-do.
- This is calm-a-do.
- Mo' fuckas love running they
mouths til some one shoves
some dirt down they throats.
- Shut his fucking mouth!
- The Duckborne or your town,
Mr. FP.
[Beat-Gat] Click, Click!
What's it going to be?
- Shoot his ass!
- Face down and wet or face up
and dry?
- Shoot his other eye, for
fuck's sake!
- I ain't going to call all
fucking day.
- You going to do something?
Or am I going to have to
walk over there and make you
do something?
- Bap, bap, bap, motherfucker!
- Fuck it. Let's bop.
- A'ight.
[Beat-Gat] Bang!
[Beat-Gat] Blap!
[Beat-Gat] Toasty!
- Dadzies!
[Beat-Gat] Sik!
(CHAI-TRO screams)
[Beat-Gat] King Killa!
[Beat-Gat] De-LOOXE!
- Whoooow!
[Beat-Gat] Hit a house!
- Fuck this!
- I'll wait here.
(upbeat dramatic music)
(low rumbling)
- Yo, 187, yo!
Yeah!
(WMD exhales)
- Take that, duck-duck bitch!
- What's a matter with
you, you duck fucker?
- Fuck duck fucker!
(cheering continues)
- Knock that motherfucker out!
- Put him in a body bag!
(ATRO laughing)
- Now start quacking, duck face.
- Come on!
- What the fuck are you doing in
my town?
- You know.
This.
[Beat-Gat] Click, Click!
(Beat-Gat fires)
- Dadzies!
(JTRO gasping)
- You on the up and up?
- Feel like I just got throat
fucked by a sledgehammer.
- Dadzie!
- Hey! I'll fuckin' shoot you!
- Yo rentz!
- No!
Oh, you sloppy fucking drongo!
- Dadzie!
- Just go. I'll catch up.
Fuck!
(upbeat music)
(Stanya screaming)
(water breaks)
- Oh, shit!
- Yo rentz! Dadzies! (CHAI-TRO
Screaming)
- [Announcer] Three,
two,
one,
remix!
(dramatic music)
(waves crash)
(CHAI-T sniffing)
(JTRO yelling)
- Oh geez. What?
Where the fuck am I?
- Atop of me! Get off!
- Geez, sorry.
Sorry, it's my first time
travel.
Where are they?
- I don't understand.
I was right behind them.
- Okay, fine.
All right, let's just focus
on what we know right now.
Which I guess is fucking
nothing, right?
- We need to calm-a-do.
Refresh-ifie.
At least we have the Quad-Force.
- Yeah, about that. Um...
I think CHAI-TRO had it when
that WMD dude fucking took her.
- So we've lost our
little CHAI and we've lost
the Quad-Force.
(CHAI-T sniffing)
- The future, huh? Far out.
- JTRO, come-a-do.
- Okay.
Are you okay?
(CHAI-T shushes)
(CHAI-T shushes)
- I didn't say anything.
(CHAI-T sniffing)
Is that CHAI-TRO's?
- This way.
- Here we go again.
(rock music)
(CHAI-T sniffing)
I stand alone
With my back to the wall
The road ahead
An endless journey
I've never known
How to answer the call
But no one else
Can do it for me
In this alternate reality
You can find me where I'm
meant to be
Searching for a better future
tomorrow
Tonight
Our destiny is calling me
I will lead us to the better
tomorrow
Tonight
(US national
anthem blows through the wind)
What the fuck happened?
They're all gone.
- We never came home.
(dark music)
- Without CHAI-TRO, we can't
activate the remix again.
(soft synth music)
- [BLT] BTRO's death wasn't your
fault.
It was his.
He wasn't expecting the
unexpected.
But it sure as fuck
expected him, you heard?
And now yo ass is here so you
won't make the same mistakes.
In order to master
Beat-Beat, you gots to master
the four rules of the B.E.A.T.
Gots to keep your shit straight.
All evened out and dialed in to
the end
no matter what slaps you
upside the cock-sucker.
Never ignorant and getting
goals accomplished.
- Yo.
Yo, JTRO.
- Yo.
- So it's true.
You lost her.
- I didn't lose her.
- Well, she ain't here. So...
In fact,
you ain't never brought
her around to see us.
- She wouldn't understand.
I mean, you guys,
everything we went through
together,
it was like another life.
- It wasn't another
life, it was this life!
And it still is, JTRO.
- I don't know how to spit
this shit easy, A'ight,
I'm just going to blast it.
If you lose, little
CHAI-TRO, if you lose her,
it's done.
Everything is D-U-N, dun.
- Forgetting who you was,
forgetting who we was;
that's what's made you weak,
dog.
- Word!
Yo, things only appear
impossible when you forget
how you got here in the first
place, son.
- That's some real shit, JTRO.
- I don't know what to tell you
guys.
I'm fucking old now.
I'm not climbing anymore.
Just feels like I'm falling.
Waiting to hit the ground.
- Falling is an accident.
Getting back up, that's
a fucking choice, JTRO.
- Balance,
expeditiousness,
aggression,
tempo.
JTRO, that is what matters.
Did you forget about that shit?
Forget about us?
- The only one you're going
to be beatin' off is yourself.
- Oh, whatevz.
I'm going to go save my fucking
daughter.
I'm waking off. Peace.
- You tink that worked?
- Mmhmm.
- Still got it.
- Tanks.
- You're welcs.
Any time, Sis-TRO.
- Wow, she's bev.
- Legs go all the way to the
butt.
(distress signal)
[Microphone] Yo!
- Yo, if y'all peepin' this
shit, it means we're all froze.
Stone sober as F.
A tsunami of Wet Shit
is on the FP's doorstep.
But it's all good cause
this is how the proph-e-key
say it do.
If my calculations is correct,
by the time y'all see this shit,
WMD and CHAI-TRO's nearing PMC
territory
up north in the 242 where the
wet shit goes all cold, yo.
If you find they ass, you'll
find the Fountain of 4Evz.
Don't be fearing, JTRO.
We all good here in the rewind.
We just got to take a long
ass nap and sort our shit out
till y'all wake us up.
See you soon, Ninj.
Miss yo ass.
(thunder cracks)
Shit!
Peace, hologram.
Shit!
(creature whinnying)
- Somethin's walk aboutin'.
- What kind of somethin'?
(giant footsteps)
Oh, fuck me.
(loud thumping)
(creature noises)
Hey.
Yo, you guys from around here?
(speaking Spanish)
(upbeat dance music)
- Just so you know,
this is your faultzies.
We should have runzied.
- Oh, come on. It's not
my fault that shit's tough
in the Zero Dark.
- Calm-a-do.
We'll figure it out.
We always do.
- Oh, what, you ain't fearing?
- I ain't even half fearing.
And neither would the JTRO I
first met.
- The JTRO you first met
didn't have so many miles
not so carefully driven on him
either.
To the death?
- Excuse me?
- So you half fearing now?
(rising synth music)
(soft synth music)
(WMD quacking)
- Good morning, Cranberry juice.
- Don't you Cranberry juice me,
duck boy.
- Duck man to you, home girl.
(magical jingle)
- What the Quad-Force?
That shit's mine! Give me
backsies!
- Ain't giving you backsies
nothin'.
Shit's mine.
Fair and circle, boo-itch!
- Oh, and you tie me if you
knew it was real fair, huh?
- And circle.
(duck grunt)
- You're a weirdo. You know
that, right?
- I'm dope as fuck
I do what I want.
- I'm dope a fuck. I do what I
want!
You're a weirdo.
- You don't do shit.
You're tied up as fuck.
I'm doing whatever the fuck I
want,
when I want.
- Cringe.
What the fuck you doing
hauling my ass around all these
mountains through all this cold
shit, hey?
You got the Quad-Force.
Do your thing.
Peace the fuck off.
- Cause this bullshit ass
shit don't do shit without
your dumb Duckborne ass.
Only you can open the Fountain
of 4Evz.
- Then give it.
- Nah. I'm good.
- How about you untie me and
we'll find out how good you is.
One second with my paws
free and youse is dead.
I'm the She-Ro of time, duck
head.
(tape rips)
(loud punch)
(duck quacking)
(distant party music and
cheering)
- I can't even with all this.
Where the fuck is my life right
now?
- Just another step on a
never ending journey, JTRO.
- Jesus.
How did it come to this?
- Why don't you look back every
once a-do?
And memberz?
- Remember what?
It's not like my life ever
really made too much sense.
I mean, the first what,
18 years of my life,
I was just some dip-shit kid
who grew up on some dirt road
in the middle of nowhere.
I didn't even know it
was the post-apocalypse.
- Post-post-apocy.
- Okay, yeah, exactly.
And now look at me.
What, I have magical powers,
some time remixing
She-Ro of time daughter?
And I'm what, trying to stop
some ancient Beat God tyrant
from reawakening, who
wants to destroy the Earf
in the future?
- Okay.
We have a daughter and we're
trying to save the world.
This is our story.
And you don't even know half of
it.
- Come on. What is that supposed
to mean?
- Do you even know that
I'm from another planet?
- Wait, what the fuck? You are?
- Yes.
It's part of what makes me me.
- Okay, look, CHAI,
I've always told you that
I fell for who you is.
Whatever happened to us in our
past,
it doesn't matter.
- Well, it should.
Cause that's how life works,
JTRO.
It's a whole series of
whack-a-doo events that makes
fuck all sense at the time
that somehow always lead us
to today.
And you reflect on the
experiences of those wack-a-doos
so you can get to tomorrow.
Or you can just ignore all that
shit
and keep making the same
mistakes 4Evz.
It's your choice.
(synth music)
(electronic music builds)
(crowd cheers)
(rising synth music)
- Got any ideas?
- If we don't beat off to the
death,
they'll 187 us both.
- Nobody dies today.
- Then keep up.
- [Pine Mutant Language] Tres.
Dos.
Uno!
[Pine Mutant Language]
Beat-Beat!
(rock music)
(arrows whooshing)
(rock music continues)
(arrows whooshing)
So you got a plan?
Or are we just going to sit
here and beat each other off
all night?
- I don't have time for that.
- Hey, take it easy.
- This is easy.
- Okay, we really doing this
right now?
Okay.
(rock music continues)
(arrows whooshing)
Don't do this, CHAI.
Don't make me pull out the trick
shit.
- Please.
You haven't pulled out the
trick shit in a whole pile
of 365s.
(rock music continues)
- What are you trying to prove?
We're too old for this shit.
- Oh, enough of this too
old, blah, blah, blah, shite.
I'm sick of it!
(pine mutant language)
(rock music continues)
Remember who you is and
youse can do anything.
I know why youse is afraid of
chattin' about the past, JTRO.
Because it reminds you
how much time has passed
and how little you think we have
left.
But pretending to be who you
ain't
is what makes you old JTRO.
Beat-Beat is in our blood, yo.
It always has been.
It always will be.
So stop letting time
tell you you're D-U-N.
You tell time when you're D-U-N
with it.
Now let's go hundo P, JTRO.
To the end.
A'ight?
(rock music continues)
(arrows whooshing)
[Pine Mutant Language] Chill.
(soft synth music)
(beat-pads hissing)
(crowd cheers)
(beat-pad hisses)
- Mi familia!
You've finally come.
I'll drink to that.
I'm sorry about all that
beat off to the death stuff.
But we can't just be letting
any assholes in here, ya know?
- These 242 Pine Mutant Ninjas
are the last of humanity.
Mutated from the Wet Shit.
Evolved to live out here in the
Zero Dark.
Lots changed since your time,
JTRO.
But, NITRO said you'd come.
- All right, how the
fuck are you still like-
- What? Alive?
- Yeah, duh.
- NITRO brewed me up one of
his hibernation cocktails.
I woke up 100 whatevz
years later in a cave
on the outside of town.
When I emerged,
I was surrounded by all
these fucking weirdos.
I napped my ass all
the way into the future
to help you guys find the
Fountains of
who gives a shit for NITRO.
- All right, so where the fuck
is it then?
- Okay.
It lies high a-top the
highest peak of Mount Bitch.
Deep within the Massa Pad.
Invisy's to any but the
Duckborne,
blah, blah, blah.
You know the legend.
Look, LSS (Long Story Short),
the only way to unlock the Massa
Pad is.
- The Quad-Force.
- Yes.
Which you've lost.
- Misplaced. Take it easy.
- Well, whatevz.
Luckily, I had a couple
people that spotted your
duck homeboy and a young
lady, which I can only presume
is my niece, hiking up the
summit just a few HRS's ago.
- For realzies?
- Uh huh.
So drink up
before the hot shit comes.
I shall show you the way.
(synth music)
- Is we there yet?
- No.
- Is we there yet?
- No, goddammit!
Shut the fuck up!
- Give some ansies!
- What kind of ansies?
- Oh, I don't know, how
about who the fuck is you
and why the F-U-K is you
do-sing and all this shit?
- A'ight. But shut your
chex guzzler, cause I only
be spittin' this shit once,
okay?
You heard?
The Duckborne that came before
your ass.
- Gramma-LATTAY?
- I'm monologueing,
motherfucker! Shut it, okay!
Anyways, your Gramma imprisoned
my Massa's Massa, BMX.
My Massa's mission was
to find the Quad-Force
and to wake my grand Massa up.
But you and yo rentz slit my
pops ass
and now all this shit's up to me
and shit.
- L DUBBA E was your pops?
- He raised my ass. Call it
whatevz.
And now we're hitting
up the Fountain of 4Evz.
When my Grand Massa's icy cold
ass
harvests the Bloody Quatro
and ages it the perfection
while he sleeps.
- Hold up.
Bloody Quatro?
- Magic booze that can re-life
anything!
Pay attention, dummy!
Jesus.
- Fuck you
and your magic booze boo shit.
What's with all this TLDR, hey?
You ain't Duckborne.
I is.
So why's your posing ass
wearing all that duck shit?
And flashing it all over town?
- Because my Massa fucked up,
a'ight?
He took the wrong kid.
You was the Duckborne.
The She-Ro of time boo-shit, not
me.
- Hold up!
Don't try and gazzump me.
What's under that stupid helmet?
I know that ain't a real mug,
dummy.
- The beats is strong
as F-U-K with my fam.
With my mum,
my pops,
with me.
And with my sis.
- What the H-E dubba L?
(tense music)
Bro?
- So we getting close or what?
- When the twinkies fade
and the hot shit comes,
the Duckborne will be shown the
way.
- Oh, you're so boring!
- Oh, for fucks sake.
- What do want me to do?
- Do your shit.
- I don't know what the fuck to
do.
- Figure it out.
Easy duckets.
(Quad-Force ringing)
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.
(Quad-Force ringing)
(eerie music)
(beat-knucks power on)
- Let's go!
- Yo, duck head,
end of the line.
(beat-gat bangs)
- Momzies!
(WMD quacking)
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. You're not D-U-N yet.
It's not time. You're not D-U-N
yet.
- Is she a breather?
(somber music)
- I don't know.
Kinda.
- Kinda?
- I mean, I took one of those
blasts once.
I did okay.
- Barely. And your her size
times two.
- What happened? What'd I miss?
Oh.
One of those days, huh?
Look guys, I don't know
how to sugar coat this,
she looks really fucked up right
now.
- What the fuck are we going to
do?
- The Fountain of 4Evz.
It's the only way to re-life
her.
But you better go going
fast because she needs
Bloody Quatro now.
- You're the She-Ro of time,
right?
- Yeah.
Hundo P, that's me.
- Then let's go fucking prove
it.
- Guess I'll stay here.
(epic rock music)
(tense music)
(whispy lion growl)
- Hold your horses, dick head.
- What are you waitin' for,
motherfucker?
- Yo.
Dad-TRO.
- Dad-TRO?
What do you mean Dad-TRO?
- He's my bro.
- The fuck are you talking
about?
- He's got an eye patch.
- So what? A lot of people
wearing eye patches these days.
- No one has eye patches
but TROS and you know it.
Sure he's got a lot of Waste
miles on him or whatevz.
- Fuck you!
- But it's him.
Fuck you.
- JR-TRO?
The mother F'n fuck, man, you
died.
- Yeah, past tense and shit.
- Yeah, what kind of and shit?
- Let me just hit you with some
BP's.
L DUBBA E found my ass.
Gave me a 2.0 at life.
He raised me and shit.
And we dreamed of a day,
a day where we'd free our Grand
Massa
from the cage cast upon his ass
by the ducks and the CHAIS!
And together,
we'd escape all that and
we'd escape all that boo-shit
and we'd rule the whole wide
Earf 4Evz.
But you all took that dream
when you gave my Massa
a dirt nap.
So here I is, dose'n what
I can with what I gots.
- What?
What are you doing all this
shit for that fucking ice cube
over there, man?
- Because that ice cube over
there gave me everything!
His blood gave my ass what
neither you or mom-CHAI could.
Life.
- We did the best we
could with what we had.
- Oh yeah, the road to Rage
is paved with good intentions,
ain'ts it?
- Don't you give that shit!
If we had access to
magical god booze blood
from another world, don't
you think we would've used
it on you?
You're my fucking son.
- Bio-son.
Nothin' more.
[Beat-Gat] Click, Click!
Pew Pew Pew Pew Pew!
[Beat-Gat] Freakin' blap
blap blap blap blap!
A'ight. Fuck it. Do you're
thing.
I got some resurrectin' to get
did.
I'm about to bust a
fuckin' duck up in here.
(keys clicking)
(computer whirring)
- [Computer] Launch Beat
Massa reanimation sequence
Initiating. Initiated.
- All right, I got an idea.
- Spill it.
(WMD laughing)
- My fingers are fast as shit!
- There comes a very important
time in every adult's life
when you need to kick the
living shit out of your sibling.
Today's that day, CHAI-TRO.
- So down.
I'm sick of listening to that
poser quack.
- Check it out Ninjas, I'm
ghost-typin'!
- But what are you going to do,
hey?
(musical chime)
- I'm going to do what I do
best.
I'm going to Beat-Beat this
shit right again and send that
fuckin' ice cube packing back
to wherever it came from.
Let's rock.
- Yeah.
- [Computer] Beat Massa
reanimation sequence 21%.
22%.
- Oh, that's it!
I ain't playing no more!
(upbeat music)
- Oh, I got one too.
Let's splash, ninja!
- Let's get wet, bitch.
- [Computer] Enter destination.
- All right, mom.
I hope this is what you meant.
- [Computer] Destination,
the Far As Fuk System
in the Woke Galaxy.
Received.
Eng'yon power up required.
- How the fuck do I power up the
Eng'yon?
- [Computer] Excusez-moi. I has
a name.
- Okay, computer, what's
your fuckin' name?
[Monsieur Computer] Monsieur
Computer.
- Okay, Monsieur
Computer, how do I fire up
the fucking Eng'yon?
- Authentication level three.
300 le-git combo required.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Omega fist mode.
Three,
two,
one,
Beat-Fist!
- Fuck me.
(rock music)
(arrows banging)
- There ain't no joy in
beating the same ass twice,
is there?
- Couldn't tell ya.
I usually just beat ass
right the first time.
- I beat your ass in the ground
the first round, homegirl.
- Are you going to do something?
Or am I going to have to
come over there ane make you
do something, cunt boy?
- No one calls moi a cunt boy!
Check this shit out!
(both yelling)
(loud beat-axe zapping)
- [Announcer] Axe-ellent!
Axe-pert!
Axe-kicker!
Axe-ceptional!
Axe-plosion!
(rock music)
(arrows banging)
(axes beating)
[Announcer] Kiss my axe!
Turbo bitch bash!
- Check this shit out!
- [Announcer] Omega-axe mode!
Crit! Mad crits! Critzilla!
Yo, kick it!
(rock music)
(arrows banging)
- Authentication level three.
Authentic-a-tiy-ated.
Eng'yon power up.
Powering up.
Launch sequence to the Far As
Fuk System in the Woke Galaxy
initiated.
60 S's until launch.
59,
58,
57,
- Two CHAIs with the same
Beat-Gat.
What is the odds?
- There's something dad never
got a chance to teach you
when you was a little bloke.
- Save it, Sis-TRO!
- Winning ain't about strength.
(Beat-Gat firing)
(loud zapping)
It's about patience and
commitment, duck head.
- Whoa!
Ow!
Oh no, right in the fuckin'
duck!
My duck...
Jesus fuckin' duckin' Christ!
- Whatevz.
- [Announcer] Bitch
axe-executed.
(WMD yelling)
- [Monsieur Computer] 30
S's remaining until launch.
29,
28,
- Hey, come on. Let's go.
- But this whole place is gonna
blow.
(WMD whimpering)
He's still my bro.
- You're a fuckin' idiot.
- That's not your bro.
That's just some asshole
that looks like you.
Come on!
Look, CHAI-TRO, I get it.
Okay, look at me and your uncle
AK.
- Ow!
- This isn't goodbye.
It's just fuck you for now.
Let's roll.
(Alarm)
- [Monsieur Computer] 15
S's remaining until launch.
14,
- Oh shit, we got to go.
Have a nice trip.
See you next fall,
motherfuckers.
Let's roll. H'Yah!
- Six,
five,
four,
three,
(monster growl)
two,
one,
zero.
Adieu.
- And you can cut all your hair
off.
But you're still the same
disappointed person that you
always were,
you know what I mean?
(space ship powering up)
Holy shit!
(space ship siren blasts)
What the fuck?
What the fuck?!
(loud explosion)
That Massa Pad's a fuckin'
spaceship?
Did you get the shit?
- Yeah, we got the shit.
(chimezies ringing-a-do'n)
- What the H just happened?
- I wasn't D-U-N yet.
- Neither was I.
- Finally.
Feel like I've been waitin' for
hours.
- Well done, my JTRO.
Though we will never physically
meet,
our pathzies have been evz
interconnected.
The sacra-F's we all made
led you to right here.
Right now.
This may not be the last time
your abilities are called upon
to save your peeps.
(magical chime)
This HRS of peace may not last.
But that does not mean
you should jack yourself
of enjoying this mome-y-do
you've earned.
(flames burning)
The day's come for you
to re-mem and re-flek
on all the shit you've gone
through.
All the faily-dos,
all the victories,
all the experiencies that
have led you to right heres,
right nows.
And you'll refreshifie
knowing you've finally solved
the riddle of RE-NINJ, JTRO.
When your Rage is Extinguished,
Nothing's Impossible on
this Neverending Journey.
Where booze will no longer be
a necessity, but a pleasure.
And yes, everything will change.
But y'all's future is
finally y'all's to make
wherevz you choose.
The FP isn't a place, my TRO.
It's a fam.
And no matter what
happens or wherevz you go,
the FP,
FP is 4Evz.
(epic synth music)
(rock music)
I have lived your life
Full of possibilities
I left my love behind
I got the past in front of me
I see it in your eyes
You are your own enemy
This is your time
Come on and meet your destiny
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
You can face the future
With the rage still burning
inside
When the action calls
Take your fears and bury them
Cause when you take that fall
You gotta get back up again
Back against the wall
And the world is crumbling
You're not alone
This is the day of reckoning
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
You can face the future
With the rage still burning
inside
(rock music continues)
I see it in your eyes
You are your own enemy
This is your time
Come on and meet your destiny
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
Rewrite your story
Take back what's right
You you see the answer
You got it in your sight
No guts, no glory
This is still your fight
Baby hear my promise
It's gonna be all right
You can face the future
With the rage still burning
inside
(synth music)
(distant siren)
(mechanical whirring)
(eerie music)
(eerie music intensifies)
(explosion)
(mechanical whirring)