Francis Goes to the Races (1951) Movie Script

- Is this the animal?
- Yes, sir, this is Francis.
Wake up, fellow.
I've brought our bank president,
Mr. Munroe, out to meet you.
He's heard stories, thought I might be
crazy. So I want you to put his mind at rest.
It's your mind that needs rest,
not mine, young man.
If that stupid-looking thing has a thought
in its head, let alone talks...
then I'm a jackass, too!
Here we go again.
I still don't see why
Mr. Munroe had to fire me.
Well, what do you expect, a medal?
I'm sure in a mess this time.
If there was a mess
anywhere, you'd be in it.
I've told you a million times,
the minute you open your mouth about me...
you put your foot in it.
- You think you had nothing to do with it.
- Well, that's what I say...
as long as I'm around you're gonna keep
getting yourself into more trouble. Pete?
- What?
- What do you say let's split up?
No. If we get separated again,
we might never find each other.
That's bad?
- Francis.
- What is it now?
- Can't we rest a while? I'm getting tired.
- Every day the same thing.
When you were a second looey,
you could hike 40 miles.
But now 11 measly miles, look at you.
Now, Francis, you shouldn't do that.
That's private property.
Let them sue me. Yeah.
Get in there.
- Want a ride?
- Yeah!
- Hop in.
- Thanks.
- I have a friend with me.
- Well, he can ride in the back.
Well, he's not exactly a friend.
I mean, he's a friend, but he's
not exactly. That's him over there.
You'll never learn.
Come here, fellow.
Well, I'll be doggoned.
You don't say?
Pete, come here!
This is great news!
What is it, Francis?
Remember me telling you about my
Great Aunt Regret who won the Derby?
- Yes.
- Well, this is Sir Gallant.
His great aunt and my great aunt
were sisters!
How do you do? I'm glad to know you.
- Does he talk?
- Whoever heard of a talking horse?
- Well, I mean, you talk...
- Well?
I don't happen to be a horse.
Be that as it may, Pete, Sir Gallant
has invited me to be his houseguest...
- So I'll be seeing you.
- Francis, you're not leaving me!
- That sums it up. Come on, cuz.
- But where will I go? What'll I do?
For the love of Burma mud!
I nursed you through the war.
How long do you expect me
to keep it up?
I wouldn't be in this trouble
if you didn't know how to talk!
Well, that's just
what I been saying.
Well, meet me here in the morning.
But, Francis...
He says there's a motel
about a mile down the road.
- Now, Francis...
- Adios, Pete!
Hello there.
- Were you calling me?
- Were you calling me?
- No. I was calling Francis.
- Well, I'm Frances. Frances Travers.
You're Frances with an "E."
I was calling Francis with an "I."
Well, I know every stable boy in the place,
and we don't have any Francis.
Well, he's not a boy.
I mean, he is a boy, but he isn't.
- He's a mule.
- A mule?
- Is he one with the striped brow band?
- That's right.
He was here. One of our
thoroughbreds took a liking to him...
wouldn't do a thing
unless the mule was with him.
- Where are they?
- Well, they were shipped out.
- But I had an appointment with him.
- An appointment? With a mule?
I mean, I figured he'd be here.
I'm sorry. We thought
he was one of our mules.
We sent him along with Sir Gallant
to the track.
- The track?
- Why, yes, the racetrack.
We've moved most of our stable there.
I'm on my way there now.
- I'd be glad to drive you.
- You would?
- You can keep your appointment.
- Thank you.
Mr. Stirling, I was thinking.
Since Sir Gallant has become so attached
to your mule...
and we do want to keep our racehorses
happy, would you consider selling?
Sell Francis? I couldn't.
Well, I'm sure my grandfather
would pay you a generous price.
I couldn't sell him. He
doesn't belong to me.
Well, whose mule is he?
- He isn't anyone's. We're just friends.
- Friends? You and a mule?
Well, we met in Burma in the army,
and we've been together ever since.
You don't think it's peculiar,
my being so fond of a mule, do you?
Of course not.
We feel the same way about Sir Gallant.
He's like one of the family.
We bred him, and we raised him...
and now we have him entered into
the $100,000 handicap.
- That's nice. I hope he wins.
- It's terribly important to us.
- Do you like horses, Mr. Stirling?
- Yes. I never miss a Western movie.
- You'd love Sir Gallant.
- And you'd be crazy about Francis.
- He's so intelligent.
- Who, Francis?
Why, no, Sir Gallant.
He does everything but talk.
- Francis does everything.
- You mean, everything but talk.
No. Yes. Of course.
Those are our stalls over there.
Your mule should be somewhere
around here.
That's Butcherman.
He's by Great Chief out of Little Runaway.
By Great Chief out of Little Runaway?
And here's Dairy Queen.
She's a half-sister of Hamaneggs.
Is that so?
Good morning, Miss Travers!
Good morning, Sam.
That's Oakwood Gal.
She's nominated for the big handicap...
- but I think Grandpa's going to scratch her.
- Scratch her?
- Well, she ought to enjoy that.
- Enjoy it?
- I had a puppy once that just loved to be...
- You don't understand.
We're taking her out of the big race. She
turned out to be a great disappointment.
I'm sorry.
Lots of early speed,
but she just couldn't last the distance.
But Sir Gallant's just the opposite.
He's a great stretch runner.
Stretch runner?
You know, he starts slowly
but he finishes fast.
It's funny, because they're full brother
and sister.
Then she must be related to Francis, too!
Oakwood Gal, a thoroughbred horse,
related to a mule?
Oh, yeah. Her great aunt
and Francis' great aunt, they...
Really, Mr. Stirling.
Really, if you'd...
Grandpa, what's wrong?
I'm afraid Betsey Sue
isn't going to run tomorrow.
No! Is it anything serious?
- We don't know. We can't figure it out.
- In my opinion, it's sidebone.
There's an ossification of the side gristle
of the coffin bone.
I don't agree. I think it's
definitely a navicular disease.
That's impossible, Dr. Marberry.
There seems to be an inflammation
of the shuttlebone...
with involvement of the flexor tendon
and bursae.
Sam, where would I find Sir Gallant?
Where would you find the favourite
but in the best stall at the track?
- The first one, down there.
- Thank you.
- Francis!
- No.
Francis, am I glad to see you!
For the love of mud. I thought I lost you.
I was worried about you. Are you all right?
Am I all right?
Hey, hey.
- What are you doing in Sir Gallant's stall?
- Any idea where I could shack up fancier?
- What about Sir Gallant?
- What about me?
I provide him with a certain
rather obvious type of companionship...
he provides me with facilities
to live in the style I enjoy.
As the old saying goes, Petey-boy,
I'm eating high on that hog.
- But where is Sir Gallant?
- Next door.
I told him, being the guest,
I'm entitled to the best room.
- You should not impose upon your relatives.
- Impose?
The trouble with Sir Gallant
is he's too polite.
That's one habit I'll have to break him of,
but not until I'm ready to leave...
- which is a good idea for you.
- What's a good idea?
For you to hightail it home
and try and get your job back at the bank.
- They're not gonna let you stay here forever.
- Why not?
People around here
are even dumber than Sir Gallant.
Look at all that fuss about Betsey Sue.
Ain't nothing wrong with her.
- Betsey Sue happens to be sick.
- Sick?
She's got a little splinter
in her neck. But will they take it out? No.
They'll stick needles in her and fill her
so full of pills, she'll really be sick.
Well, been a nice visit, Pete.
Drop me a line sometime.
Well, if that's the way you want it.
Come back here.
You can't get a bus home ill
tomorrow. Where will you spend the night?
- Well, I...
- Better check into the Briar Motel.
Strictly a fleabag,
but it beats that haystack.
I think I'll be taking my siesta.
La cucaracha, la cucaracha.
Ya no puede caminar
Porque no tiene.
This should relieve the pain.
- Excuse me.
- I'd forgotten about you.
I wanted to thank you
for driving me down here.
I'm afraid I've been rather rude...
but we've all been so worried
about Betsey Sue's condition.
You shouldn't worry.
There's nothing wrong with her.
- What's that, young man?
- She has just a tiny splinter in her neck.
Just a tiny splinter in her neck. Indeed.
Young man, are you a vet?
- Yes, sir. Eighteen months in Burma.
- No. I mean, are you a veterinarian?
- No, sir.
- I'm sorry. We're busy.
Just a minute. Dr. Marberry,
do you have a pair of tweezers?
Thank you.
- Well, I'll be...
- Incredible.
Mr. Stirling, you're wonderful.
I've lived among horses all my life.
I've never seen anything like that before.
- How could you possibly know?
- Well, I... It's...
- Please, don't ask me.
- Don't ask you?
I mean, I'd rather not say, sir.
"Mr. Stirling, you're wonderful."
"Mr. Stirling, you're wonderful."
"Mr. Stirling..."
You're nuts.
- What a dump!
- What are you doing here, Francis?
Must be the mother instinct in me.
How much money you got?
- More than $20.
- How much more?
- A Little more.
- How much?
Well, that ain't gonna last you long.
Do you know how to put a bet on a horse.
"Cause you need some dough,
and I'm gonna get you some.
In the fourth race tomorrow,
Betsey Sue is the favourite.
- You want me to bet on her?
- No.
- She ain't gonna win.
- How do you know?
She's emotionally frustrated.
She's what?
Literally translated,
Betsey Sue is carrying a torch.
What are you talking about?
She went and fell in love
with a plug named Shelby...
and last week
they shipped him to Bay Meadows.
Betsey Sue hasn't got any more
interest in running than you have.
How do you know all this?
By the tail of my Great Aunt Regret,
who won the Derby...
don't you think I know my way around?
Do you mean to say
that the horses talk over the races?
It's Sudden Storm by six lengths.
- Five tickets on Sudden Storm, please.
- What's the number?
- Just Sudden Storm. I don't know.
- Number 11.
- And that's the way she'll finish.
- Five tickets on 11. $10.
Thank you.
- Why, Mr. Stirling.
- Miss Travers!
You ran off yesterday
without giving us a chance to thank you.
- This is my grandfather Col. Travers.
- How do you do?
That was the most amazing thing
I've ever seen in my life.
- How is Betsey Sue feeling?
- Fit as a fiddle.
- I hope you're going to have a bet on her.
- Well, no, sir.
Why not? She's a full second faster
than anything in the race.
In her last four, she carried six more,
won three and placed once.
- My goodness.
- We'd better bet before we're shut out.
Yeah. How much should it be? $200 to win?
- Only $2007?
- All right, we'll make it $400.
- But, sir, I'm afraid you'll be sorry.
- Sorry?
Yes, Betsey Sue isn't
going to win this race.
That's a matter of opinion.
That's what makes horse racing.
It's not an opinion.
Sudden Storm is gonna win by six lengths.
- Well, how do you know?
- Well, Betsey Sue won't even try.
- Won't try?
- Why not?
Well, she's emotionally frustrated.
Emotionally frustrated? A horse?
Come, my dear.
Starting for home,
it's Betsey Sue by a nose.
In the stretch,
it's Betsey Sue and Sudden Storm.
Now it's Sudden Storm taking the lead!
It's Sudden Storm by two, by three...
by four lengths,
Galloping Jim and Betsey Sue.
And down to the finish line, it's
Sudden Storm, the winner by six lengths!
Galloping Jim is second,
Lanky Lad is third, Betsey Sue is fourth.
- Some race, huh?
- Yeah, some race.
Mind you, Damer,
there may not be anything to it...
but it was more than strange
the way he called that race.
Now, Grandpa,
I think it's just a coincidence.
I don't know, Miss Travers,
but we'll soon find out.
- Pretty big haul you made there, fellow?
- Yes, sir.
I think you ought to come along
and have a little talk with the Chief.
The Chief? Chief who? Who are you?
What does he want with me?
I haven't done anything!
- Who, me?
- You.
So you knew Betsey Sue
wasn't going to win.
Yes, sir.
You knew Sudden Storm was going to win
by exactly six lengths?
Yes, sir.
He cashed five tickets
on Sudden Storm, Chief.
- $100 tickets?
- No, two.
- $2?
- Yeah.
- What's your name?
- Peter Stirling.
- Been at the track long?
- Since yesterday.
- Ever seen him before?
- Not me, Chief.
- You a professional tout?
- A what, Chief? Sir?
A tout. Tipster.
Where'd you get your information?
What information?
Why were you so certain
Betsey Sue wouldn't win that race?
Well, she's emotionally frustrated.
- She's what?
- Well, she's carrying a torch.
A torch?
- Young man, you are talking about a horse?
- Yes, sir.
Frustrated? All right, wise guy,
what are you trying to pull?
- Steady.
- On account of Shelby.
- Who?
- Betsey Sue fell in love with Shelby.
Now he's gone,
and she's emotionally frustrated.
This guy is nuts.
Young man, 10 years with the FBI,
six years at this track...
and that's the most ridiculous statement
I ever heard.
- Give me five minutes with him...
- Just a moment, gentlemen.
There was a horse named Shelby
around the track.
You remember, that big bay stallion
with the Peppertree Stables.
Yes, I do. He was shipped north
about a week ago.
Right after he left,
Betsey Sue went off her feed.
And that's true, too.
- You don't believe...
- I don't know what to believe.
All I know
is the filly wasn't trying.
Young man, did you ever work for
the Peppertree Stables?
- The who, sir?
- He couldn't have.
I've never seen him before.
Then how did you know about Betsey Sue
and Shelby?
And who told you Sudden Storm
was going to win?
- Who told you she'd win by six lengths?
- Yeah, who told you?
I can't tell you. I promised.
- Tell us whom you promised.
- Well, I can't.
Why not?
I promised, and I just can't tell you.
All right, young man. That'll be all.
You mean I can go?
I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble.
You're not just gonna let him walk out,
are you, Chief?
Either that kid's a complete
nincompoop or a great actor.
- It's your job to find out which.
- All right.
But if you ask me,
I think the kid's got rocks in his head.
Mr. Harrington.
If that boy's working with a gambling ring,
well, that's your department.
But if he's on the level...
I desperately need a man who understands
horses the way he seems to.
So if you don't mind,
I'll keep an eye on him myself.
Come, my dear.
You really know horses, don't you?
- I've met a few.
- I bet you have.
You know their moods, their whims.
I suppose that's why you knew
that Sudden Storm was going to win.
When a man understands horses...
inside he senses those things,
doesn't he, my boy?
I suppose so.
Stirling, I'm going to put
my cards on the table.
For years I've been trying to win
the big $100,000 handicap.
So far, I haven't even been in the money.
This year I've got the favourite.
- I know. Sir Gallant.
- Yes.
Only this time,
it isn't just a matter of prestige.
I've made some very bad business
investments and lost a lot of money.
- I need the winner's share of the purse.
- I'd like to help you, but...
You can help. If anything
was to go wrong with Sir Gallant...
I'd need someone around who understands
what goes on inside horses:
What bothers them mentally,
what makes them tick.
- Well...
- Please, Mr. Stirling.
It would mean so much to us.
Well, I'm sorry, Miss Travers, but I...
It would? Well, I...
Would it?
No. This must be an optical illusion.
"Shh," my foot.
I thought you were
on your way home.
- Didn't you bet on Sudden Storm?
- Yeah, I did.
- So what are you doing here?
- Gonna work here.
Says which?
I said I am going to work here.
I told Miss Travers
what was wrong with Betsey Sue...
- and now they think I'm a horse expert.
- You're an expert, all right.
I couldn't tell the truth,
I promised you I wouldn't.
Couldn't you turn the job down
without any explanation?
Well, I started to, but...
- Did you ever look into her eyes?
- Into whose eyes?
- Not that Travers dame.
- She's beautiful.
She ain't my type.
What am I gonna do? I don't know
one end of a horse from another.
Well, I do, and I can tell the
difference from where I'm standing.
- Then you won't help me?
- No.
That skirt got you into this.
Let her get you out.
Oh, Mr. Stirling.
I heard voices
and figured I better investigate.
- Who was you talking to?
- Well, nobody.
I was just singing.
Good night, ladies
Good night, Francis.
Good night, Francis
I'll see you in my dreams.
That's the talking and
singing I ever heard.
Rogers, when you advanced that money,
it was on the understanding...
I wouldn't have to pay it back
till the end of the season.
I know. But I been running in
a little tough luck myself.
I need the dough now.
Can't you wait two more weeks
till after the big race?
No dice.
The paper says, "Payable on demand."
And that's how it's gonna be.
But you know what this game is like.
I just don't have that much cash.
Then you haven't any horses, either.
I'll bring the moving vans and
the sheriff to the track in the morning.
I'm sorry. Good night, Miss Travers.
Good night, Colonel.
He seemed so anxious to lend that money.
I should have suspected
he was after our stable.
Grandpa, we still have my money.
Why can't we use that?
$25,000. I'll need three times that amount.
I was counting on the big race.
Yes, I know.
But why can't we just buy back Sir Gallant?
No, I'm through with horses.
And that goes for you, too.
It's taken me a long time to find out.
I should have known
when they broke your father's heart...
and his bank account.
They're too rich for us.
Excuse me! Mr. Stirling is here.
Come in, Stirling.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to come back so late,
but I'm afraid I have bad news for you.
Don't ask why, but I've got to quit my job.
I've got some news for you, Stirling.
I haven't got any horses.
And you haven't got a job.
Don't! That
tickles! I'm sensitive!
- Wonder what all the noise is.
- I don't know.
The Colonel was all broken up.
I sure feel sorry for Miss Travers
and the Colonel.
Well, better get your suitcase
and let's get out of here.
- You mean you want me with you?
- Go on, get your suitcase.
Dairy Queen.
Well, a copper and a sheriff.
I always say there's nothing like
doing things legal.
That's probably the first time
you ever did anything legal.
You're a real funny man,
aren't you, Mr. Damer?
Joe, get Oakwood Gal.
Down to the end stall and get Sir Gallant.
Handle him easy.
Mr. Rogers.
How do you like this horse?
He lives better than I do.
If this crummy-looking animal
is the favourite, I'm betting a long shot!
You dumb jackass,
can't you tell a horse from a mule?
A mule? I thought this was Sir...
Well, whatever he is, he comes along.
Come on.
Come on!
Come on,
before I bash your brains out!
Take it easy. You'll last longer.
Keep your nose out of this, you dumb cop.
Who are you calling a dumb cop?
I didn't say nothing.
Look, one more crack like that, jerk,
and I'll monogram your bridgework.
I'd like to see you do it.
You would? Why, you two-bit hoodlum...
I didn't say nothing
I didn't even open my mouth!
Get out of here with this mule before
I forget myself and break you in half.
You and who else?
- Okay, wise guy, that did it!
- Damer! No!
Are you all right?
For the love of mud!
Let's get out of here, quick!
You step through that door
and you're in trouble.
I can't leave without saying goodbye.
It wouldn't be polite.
- Send her a singing telegram.
- She's been very nice to me.
She got you in trouble once,
and she'll do it again.
- But, Francis...
- Mr. Stirling!
I was hoping that you'd stop by
before you left.
You were?
- I need your help.
- Well, what would you like me to do?
Would you... Mr. Stirling,
I want you to buy back Sir Gallant for me.
Buy back Sir Gallant?
But I only have $42.17.
I have the money. That is, if you think
Mr. Rogers will take $25,000.
$25,0007? For a horse?
Well, I know it isn't very much for the
handicap favourite, but it's all that I have.
Well, I'd like to, but I...
They've moved our horses
to the Happy Chance Farm.
You'll find Mr. Rogers there.
If you'll just try speaking to him for me.
But, Miss Travers, I...
Why, your eyes are hazel.
I always thought they were green.
Get him.
- Did you say something?
- No.
Yes. Well, no. Well, Francis...
I was wondering if you'd ever start
calling me by my first name, Peter.
I want Oakwood Gal to set the pace, keep
her about five lengths ahead of Sir Gallant.
- Okay, boss.
- You, keep a tight rein on him...
or he'll pass the filly
as though she were standing still.
I merely want to see how Sir
Gallant looks in action. Okay, boys.
Well, it looks like "Square Deal" Mallory
is back in business...
and your name
doesn't appear on the records.
Let's keep it that way.
Who's that?
I don't know, boss.
Saw him around the track yesterday.
Get rid of him.
Mr. Rogers?
My name is Peter Stirling.
I represent Col. Travers.
I don't exactly represent Col. Travers.
I represent his granddaughter.
Well, that is, she... I mean, we...
Well, anyway,
we'd like to buy back Sir Gallant.
Well, wait till you hear the price
I have to offer. $25,000.
- $25,0007?
- Yes, sir.
I wouldn't sell you
one end of the horse for that.
We don't want one end. We want both ends.
Beat it, Junior. We're busy.
Mr. Rogers.
- If you'll just give me a moment.
- I told you, scram.
- Sir Gallant is something to watch.
- Yeah, he sure is.
He is something to watch.
Look at him run away from the other horse.
Sir Gallant's the one in back.
That's Oakwood Gal out front.
Why does the Colonel
thinks so much of Sir Gallant?
He can't get close to Oakwood Gal.
Look, Junior, I don't know why
I'm bothering to explain...
Mr. Rogers,
it looks like your little secret is out.
This young man seems to have
an instinctive eye for horses.
I've been told that before.
Only an expert could determine so quickly
that Sir Gallant's reputation is overrated...
and that Oakwood Gal
is the far superior horse.
I'm not really an expert.
Young man,
that money you offered Mr. Rogers...
is it immediately available?
Yes, sir. I have it right here on me.
It's in cash. Cash offer.
Mr. Rogers, it so happens
that I'm an old friend of Col. Travers.
- Really?
- Yes.
If you could figure out some way of taking
care of him, I'd be most grateful.
I'd like to please both
you gentlemen, but...
Why don't you two go over to your office
and discuss the matter?
But, I...
- As a personal favour to me.
- Very well.
- Suppose we do that, Mr. Stirling.
- Fine!
No, I've made up my mind.
Soon as I can arrange jobs for everyone,
I'll put the place up for sale.
Something may change your mind, Grandpa.
Nothing will change it.
We're going to move as far away
from racetracks as we can.
- He's here!
- Who's here?
I've got
the most wonderful surprise!
- I'm not in the mood for surprises.
- You'll be for this one.
We have Sir Gallant back.
- I don't understand.
- I bought him!
It's the only time I ever disobeyed you,
but I just had to.
I suppose I ought to be angry
with you for this.
But Sir Gallant is back.
And now we'll win the big race,
and we'll start another stable...
bigger and better than ever.
I don't know how you
ever talked Mr. Rogers into it.
Peter, you're wonderful.
It was nothing.
Back. Back up.
Sir Gallant?
This isn't Sir Gallant. It's Oakwood Gal.
That's right.
You were both wrong about her.
- You didn't buy Oakwood Gal!
- Yes.
- Where's Sir Gallant?
- Mr. Rogers is keeping him...
- but he's not half the horse this one is.
- I know which is better, I raised both.
But you should have seen them racing.
Sir Gallant couldn't get close to
Oakwood Gal. Mr. Rogers said...
- How much did you pay for her?
- Well, I offered him $25,042...
- $25,0007?
- $42.17.
He was nice enough
to let me have it for less.
- How much less?
- $42.17.
- Stirling, if this is some kind of joke...
- Well, no, sir.
- I've got all the papers right here.
- No.
- You haven't signed for her?
- How could you, Peter?
Sir Gallant has a big reputation,
but Oakwood Gal...
- All right, what's your game?
- Game?
In a month, we could have bought
this filly in a $2,000 claiming race.
- How much you getting from Rogers?
- Nothing!
I thought I was doing the right thing.
You know too much not to know
you were doing the wrong thing!
- This is a matter for the police.
- But, Col. Travers!
That was quite a huddle you had
with "Square Deal" Mallory, wasn't it?
I don't know anyone by that name.
Don't hand me that. I saw you with him.
How long you been working
for the syndicate?
- I'm not working for anyone!
- No?
Before I'm through with you,
you'll be working for the state.
But I didn't do anything! You believe that?
You and me better have
another powwow with the Chief.
Wait! I can prove that I don't know
any gamblers or syndicates!
I can prove I don't know anything!
I've got a witness!
- This is your witness?
- Yes, sir.
- Who you talking to?
- Francis. He's my witness.
Will you please tell these people...
that I don't know anything
about racetracks or gamblers?
This guy is nuts!
I think I should explain. Francis
dislikes talking in front of strangers.
- Are you telling us that your mule talks?
- Yes.
- Just like I'm talking to you now?
- His voice is a little deeper.
I don't know what kind of trick this is,
but you're going with me to the Chief.
Francis, say something!
He's gonna take me to the Chief!
This is ridiculous!
You've got to help me.
Think how long we've been friends.
Think of what we've been through together.
I could kick you in the...
Francis, don't be stubborn. Say something!
I'll say something.
You and me are going bye-bye.
Please, Mr. Damer, may I speak to you
and Grandpa outside for a minute?
All right.
Look, wise guy, don't try anything funny.
I'll be right outside the door.
- Ose-clay the oor-day.
- Now you talk.
What's this about you
and the Chief?
- I've got to have $25,000 right away.
- How much?
That's what I thought you said.
I've got to return the money,
or they'll send me to jail.
- Happy days.
- I bought the wrong horse.
I bought Oakwood Gal
instead of Sir Gallant.
Now, that's a nice logical mistake. Yeah.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
- Didn't your folks ever teach you anything?
- What do you mean?
One's a girl horse, and one's a boy horse.
Well, it wasn't a mistake.
I just wasn't interested.
Come back here.
Are you gonna help me?
You suppose you could stall that cop off
for a couple of hours?
- What for?
- How much loot you got?
I am going to slip you
a seven-horse parlay.
Seven-horse parlay? Is that good?
Is that good? Look.
You bet $40 to win on the first horse.
Then after you win,
you bet it all on the next one.
You keep betting, you'll have
$25,000 by the end of the last race.
- Have you got a pencil?
- Yeah.
- All right. Get to writing.
- Wait now. Okay.
The first race is Golden Baby.
Second race, See Saw.
Second race, See Saw.
- Fourth race...
- Fourth? What about the third race?
Skip the third.
Those scatterbrained two-year-olds
don't know themselves who's gonna win.
In the fourth
race, it's Extravagant.
Look, Miss Travers. I got as much respect
for a war hero as the next guy...
- but that don't excuse him.
- Don't you see?
Getting those medals, then winding up
in the hospital so many times...
it may have left its mark on him.
I knew there was something peculiar
about that boy.
Well, I still can't believe he would do
anything like that deliberately.
If that's the way you feel about it...
we ought to give him an opportunity
to return the money.
Then if he doesn't, we can prefer charges.
Now, in the eighth,
it's Blue Buckle. You got it?
How do you know
all these horses are gonna win?
Feed Bag Information. Yeah.
It's Falling Star,
Hot Food and Legal Counsel.
It's Falling Star taking the lead.
Hot Food, Legal Counsel and Andy's Son
are bunched together.
Here comes Golden Baby between horses!
Golden Baby taking a little bit.
It's Falling Star and Golden Baby.
Golden Baby and Falling Star,
neck and neck.
- First race isn't over yet.
- I know.
It's Golden Baby
the winner!
Falling Star second, Legal Counsel third,
and Hot Food finished fourth.
- Little lucky today?
- Yes, sir.
As long as the Colonel was sucker enough
to give you 24 hours...
instead of hanging around, why don't you
try to get him back his $25,0007?
Well, that's what I'm doing.
See Saw
and Georgia's Beau.
- You want something, bud?
- No, just waiting.
It is See Saw, the winner
by three lengths, Georgia's Beau second...
Barrelhead third,
and Furlong finished fourth.
Your attention, please.
The horses are approaching...
- You ain't betting the third race?
- No, sir.
What's the matter?
Even the horses don't know
who's gonna win this one.
The horses?
In the stretch,
it's Extravagant...
Royal Mystery, Tanlan and Kleenaway.
It's Extravagant and Royal Mystery
head and head.
- The race isn't over yet, buddy.
- I know.
Royal Mystery,
and it's Extravagant the winner!
It is now.
Tanlan third
and Kleenaway...
Wait a minute, Whitey.
Let me see those tickets.
$1,000. $1,050. $100. $1,150.
- Fifth race ain't even started.
- He knows.
$5,000. $5,580.
So I ask him. I says, "How come
you ain't betting the third race?"
You know what he tells me?
"Even the horses don't know
who's gonna win that one."
- You're positive he doesn't talk to anybody?
- Nobody but me! But nobody!
And he's picked six winners already.
- I better have another talk with him.
- Yeah, okay, Chief.
I'm telling you, this kid is nuts.
$20,000. $21,000. $22,000.
I didn't think Blue Buckle
had a chance.
$23,000. $24,000. $25,000.
$1, $2, $10, $20. $25,220.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- I understand you bid a few races today.
- Seven, sir.
- And how many did you win?
- Seven, sir.
You didn't bet the third race. Why not?
Francis said that even the horses
didn't know who was gonna win.
Francis said?
Not the Francis I met in the stall.
- Stay out of this, Damer. Who is Francis?
- Well...
I can't tell you, sir.
- I can. It'll hand you a laugh. Francis is...
- I told you to stay out of this.
Is Francis one of
"Square Deal" Mallory's boys?
- No. He isn't anybody's boy.
- Why can't you tell us who he is?
You wouldn't believe me.
First, you say Betsey Sue has a complex
and Sudden Storm will win.
Today you hit a seven-horse parlay.
I'd believe anything.
Well, sir, Francis is a mule.
I told you, the kid's crazy.
- Did you say mule?
- Yes, sir.
You want I should smack him, boss?
What sort of mule?
- A very intelligent mule.
- "Very intelligent mule."
Now let's take this a little slower.
- You say this mule tells you things. Right?
- Yes, sir.
Just one, boss. Right on the button!
Exactly how does this mule talk to you?
What do you mean, sir?
Does he talk to you
like I talk to you, in English?
Yes, sir.
I tell you, the kid's off his rocker.
And this mule, this Francis,
tells you about horses?
- Yes, sir.
- I see.
I suppose, you think you're very clever.
No, sir!
Do you think you can twist this track
around your finger?
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing!
I'll tell you!
You're impertinent or a fool, or both!
Yes, sir.
You won't get away with it...
if it takes every resource
of the Racing Association.
Every last cent, understand?
Get out of here! Go on, beat it!
Don't let him out of your sight.
Not for a second!
Right, Chief.
Be a closer tail on him than on his mule.
- I got it.
- Well, what kept you so long?
- Well, I was arrested again.
- What for?
The inspector wanted to know
how I picked horses.
- And you told him.
- What could I do?
I know. How much money
you got in that bag?
Well, I've got $25,220.
And 10 cents.
You better go see the Colonel
and buy back Oakwood Gal.
What do you expect, give him
the money and let him keep the horse?
- What would I do with a racehorse?
- With that one, I don't know.
- She's still in the handicap?
- Yes.
Since we're stuck with her, we
might as well see how we can make her win.
Who is we?
Let's just say
we'll handle this together.
I got a hunch about that filly.
Somebody's coming.
Out the back door.
And bring back that horse!
Hello, mule.
Who do you like in the fifth tomorrow?
Me talking to a jackass.
I must be losing my marbles, too.
So you're Francis.
What's this nonsense
about your being able to talk?
Say something.
What about those seven winners?
- Say, Chief.
- Who said that?
I did.
It's true. You can talk! But...
- Boss, it's me.
- Damer?
You so much as breathe a word of this,
I'll have you...
Boss, don't let it throw you.
- I just did the same thing myself.
- You, too?
That kid will have us as crazy as he is.
Let's get out of here.
There it is. $25,000.
I couldn't believe it, Stirling.
I just couldn't believe it.
- Seven winners, wasn't it?
- Yes, sir.
Now ['ll take Oakwood Gal
and be on my way.
But you seem mighty anxious
to buy her back.
- You said...
- It couldn't be you think she's a good filly...
- and has a chance to win the big handicap?
- I wouldn't know about that.
Well, either you knew enough
about horses to pick seven winners...
or you knew something else, perhaps about
a little inside fixing by Mr. Mallory.
Grandpa, I think we're being very unfair.
I don't think he ever heard of Mr. Mallory
before yesterday.
You do believe that, don't you?
You know how much winning this handicap
means to us.
Do you think Oakwood Gal
stands any sort of chance?
- I'm sure she does.
- What makes you so certain?
Please don't ask me.
If you think she may win,
will you help us get her ready?
- I know nothing about horses!
- Seven winners.
$25,000, and he says he knows nothing.
Man, oh, man. I'd like to be that ignorant.
- Please, Peter. We need you.
- Well, I'm sorry.
I'd like to, but I can't.
Really, if there was any...
Before I can take the job,
I've got to explain to somebody.
- Explain to somebody?
- Yes, sir. I promised.
Whom did you promise?
- I can't tell you.
- Why not?
Because I promised.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll see you in the morning.
Good night, Col. Travers.
I don't like the sound of that.
Yes, sir?
A friend of yours wants to see you.
- It's just as I thought.
- What?
Stirling leaving with two of Mallory's men.
Good evening.
Mr. Square Deal.
They didn't tell me it was you.
- So nice of you to drop in.
- I didn't exactly drop in.
- These two men...
- They deliver my invitations.
Thank you, gentlemen. That will be all.
Miss Van Rensallier,
may I present Mr. Peter Stirling?
- How do you do?
- I thank you, ma'am.
- You're much younger than I expected.
- I'm really much older than I am. I mean...
- My dear, will you pour Mr. Stirling a drink?
- Surely.
No, thank you. I can't stay.
I have a previous appointment.
Come, now, Mr. Stirling. Sit down.
I have a little proposition.
- I'm sorry, but I... A proposition?
- Yes.
Sit down.
Since you've learned my nickname,
I assume you've also learned my business.
- They said you were a gambler.
- A slight exaggeration.
I'm in the brokerage business.
With all modesty, in my particular field
I'm one of the most successful.
- I knew a broker in the bank.
- I handle a different type of investment.
I speculate on horses,
which horse is going to win, that is.
Well, that's almost like gambling.
- In fact, it is gambling.
- Not when you have the right information.
However, it seems I now have a rival
whose sources are better than my own.
No, thank you. Really, sir? Who, sir?
You, Mr. Stirling.
- Who, me, sir?
- Yes.
So I am prepared to offer you a partnership
in my organisation.
A partnership?
With your information and my connections,
we could make a great deal of money.
I already have a job with Col. Travers.
I get $75 a week.
I think I can start you off
with slightly more than that.
Say, $1,000 a week more?
That's awfully... Every week?
You just tell me
where you get your information.
- What information?
- The horses, Mr. Stirling.
Which ones are going to win.
- Is something wrong?
- I was afraid you'd ask me that.
Come now. If we're to trust
each other, I must know.
I'd like to tell you, but I can't!
I can absolutely promise
you full protection.
- No, sir. It isn't that.
- Then what is it?
- You wouldn't believe me!
- Nonsense.
Seven winners in seven races?
Good heavens, man!
- I'd believe anything.
- I don't think so.
In other words, you won't tell me.
- You really must know?
- Where do you get your information?
- Francis told me.
- Who?
- Francis who?
- Well, Francis. A mule.
- Did you say mule?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Oh, really, Mr. Stirling.
- Shut up!
What kind of mule?
Regular mule. We were friends in the army.
- Your information is from a mule?
- Yes, sir.
- That he talks to you?
- Yes, sir.
- One of us is crazy, and it isn't me.
- Yes, sir.
Now stop the double-talk.
Where do you get your information?
I told you, you wouldn't believe me,
but it's the truth.
Smart boy.
If you won't divulge
the source of your information...
I'm sure you wouldn't mind
splitting a few tips with me.
Suppose you spend the night here
and be my guest at the track tomorrow?
- I can't. That appointment.
- To talk to the mule, I suppose.
- I've got to explain to him...
- I suggest you change your plans!
- Okay, bub, what do you like?
- I'd like a hot dog with mustard?
Who do you like in the first?
Who's gonna win?
- I really have no idea.
- He ain't got any idea.
The boss says you was to pick them,
so pick them!
Miss Q. Hester.
- Did you see what I saw?
- Yeah, I seen.
Miss Q. Hester?
- Why, she's a dog.
- I thought it was a horse race.
The boss must know what he's doing.
Let's go plunk it down.
- Where do you think you're going?
- You told me I had to bet.
At the $2 window? You're kidding.
Thirty-two tickets on number six.
- Thirty-two tickets?
- Start shelling out.
Number six.
- How many?
- Thirty-two.
Thirty-two on number six?
I think maybe I'll put a five spot
on number six myself.
Excuse me!
Mr. Gringo, the winner.
Pickemup is second.
And the horse coming in now
is Miss Q. Hester.
Miss Q. Hester.
The boss will blow his cork.
When I went out
and phoned Miss Q. Hester in...
he said he was gonna bet $10,000.
- That better have been a mistake, Junior.
- Yes, sir.
Forty tickets on number nine.
Listen, kid, Black Spots better win...
or you'll find yourself
in a mess of trouble.
- Yes, sir.
- Okay, dig out the $4,000.
$4,000 on number nine.
$4,000 on number nine?
At the quarter pole,
it's Miracle Boy, Red Ringer and Eldorelda.
Here comes Black Spots on the outside.
Come on, Black Spots!
He's coming!
Look at him go! Come on, Black Spots!
Look at him go! Look at him...
He stopped!
Miracle Boy's
the winner...
Black Spots.
Eldorelda finished third
and Transient Miss finished fourth.
I don't understand it, Chief.
Seven straight winners yesterday,
seven straight losers today.
The eighth race isn't over.
Why aren't you watching?
- They only got two riding on this.
- $2,0007
$2! That's their bankroll.
And it's $2 more than I got left.
Then that seven-horse parlay yesterday
was just a fluke.
I hate to think what Mallory's gonna
do to that kid.
The rumour's around
he dropped more than $200,000.
That's not our responsibility. As far
as I'm concerned, the matter's closed.
All right, Chief.
Boy, that kid must be nuts.
He's out in front! Come on!
He's out in front! He's gaining!
Come on!
Maybe we ought to plug him now.
Maybe the boss has got other ideas.
He won! I'd told you he'd win, and he won!
You know what that $2 ticket will pay?
You just made yourself 40 cents.
- Yeah, but I picked a winner!
- Yeah, you sure did.
The boss will wanna split the winnings
with you. Come on.
You've cost me $200,000. Start talking.
- What do you want me to talk about?
- About seven losers in a row.
- It was all your fault.
- My fault?
You wouldn't let me get to Francis.
- You gonna start that mule business again?
- Yes, sir.
I could have you fitted with cement
slippers and dropped in the harbour.
- I'll take you to Francis.
- You'll what?
- You can talk to him yourself.
- Me, Roy Mallory, talk to a mule?
I should say not!
So this is where you get your information.
Yes, sir. This is Francis.
Go ahead, make him talk.
Hello, Francis.
Hello, Francis.
- I didn't hear him answer you.
- He didn't.
Francis, this gentleman
is Mr. "Square Deal" Mallory.
I had to come to you. You've gotta show him
that you can talk.
Say something, Francis, please.
Francis, if you ever did anything for me,
do it now.
Just one little yes.
Even a no.
- He's like this sometimes.
- Sometimes?
Think of what we went through together
in the war.
They're gonna make me cement slippers
and drop me in the harbour!
- Maybe he's hard of hearing.
- No, he hears me. He's just stubborn.
I demand you to say something.
I'll say something, $200,000 worth.
You're crazy.
I tell you, Francis can talk.
I'll have a couple of the boys
take care of you.
You wouldn't do anything to anybody
that's crazy, would you?
I'm gonna let you off
with a little friendly advice:
Get out of town
while you're still in one piece.
- He seemed a little peeved.
- Peeved? He wants to kill me.
- We lost a little at the track today.
- We?
How much did you go for?
Well, we...
The whole $25,000.
My aching back.
Francis, I wish I was dead.
You know something? I'll drink to that.
You'll find a sack stashed
over in that feed bin over there.
- Sack? What for?
- Get it out.
You ask the darnedest things
at the darnedest times.
Why, it's beer and whiskey.
Stable hands never take a chance
on getting caught short.
Now, Peter, my boy, get me a bucket.
- Why do you want the bucket?
- So I can drink out of it.
Imbibing from a bottle
seems a bit crude, don't you think?
- Francis, do you drink?
- After seven years in the army?
Start pouring.
What'll I open it with?
- Hold it behind me.
- Behind you?
Yeah. Go on.
Behind you.
Get on the other side.
I'm left-footed.
- How's this?
- A little lower.
You all set?
Quite a touch you got there, Pete.
- Francis, do you think you should?
- Silly boy. Keep pouring.
- Don't stop now?
- More?
That ain't enough to wet my whistle. More.
- Same place?
- Same place.
Fire two.
Come on, pour.
That's more like it. Yeah.
Ain't you joining me?
Now, you know I don't drink.
Twist your arm. Grab a bottle.
Wish we had some pretzels?
Well, here's mud in your eye.
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
My Bonnie lies over the ocean.
My Bonnie lies over the sea.
My Bonnie lies over.
- Francis, you're loaded.
- I don't know why.
- You only had one drink.
- I said you're loaded.
Don't be...
Petey, old boy, you're a nice kid.
You and me are buddies
all through the war together.
- Quit your slobbering.
- Say, Pete.
Now, what's so funny?
The idea of Oakwood Gal
winning the big race.
Like that $100,000 handicap.
Why don't you stand still
when I speak to you?
- I am standing still.
- Don't interrupt!
Yes, sir, Pete...
Oakwood Gal
might be able to win that race...
if she wanted to.
Excuse me. Which she don't.
- Well, why doesn't she?
- She has an...
Inferiority complex.
We're getting company. Quiet!
- Stirling!
- Peter!
- Hello, Colonel. Miss Travers.
- Who's in here with you?
Nobody. Nobody but Francis.
I'm sorry I didn't
report this morning...
What are you doing here?
- What was that racket?
- I came to see Francis.
Young man, I'll give you two minutes
to take your mule and get off my property.
- I must tell you something.
- Two minutes.
Listen to me. I know how Oakwood Gal
can win the handicap.
By crooked methods? We're not interested.
Francis isn't crooked.
- Are you referring to that animal?
- Yes, sir. He's got a plan.
He's got a plan?
- What sort of nonsense is this?
- It's not nonsense.
You said a mouthful.
Who said that?
Who said that?
Keep your shirt on, Colonel. I said it.
- I don't believe it.
- You don't?
Don't stand there, Colonel.
Get her some water.
Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes.
Miss Travers, are you all right?
Sure, the dame's all right.
My Bonnie lies over the ocean.
Here you are, my dear. I don't
believe it, Stirling. It's impossible.
- You're a ventriloquist.
- No, sir.
Give me that. You drink it. Go on.
Talk while he's drinking the water.
Go on, talk. I defy you.
What do you want me to say?
Excuse me.
He can talk.
Listen, lady. You faint once more,
and I won't have...
A hoof to lift.
I won't lift a hoof to help you.
As a matter of fact, I...
- What happened?
- What's wrong?
Francis has passed out.
My head.
Francis, are you all right?
Stop shouting.
He's all right.
Certainly, I'm all right.
Get this silly junk off my head.
You had us up all night.
What day is this?
- It's Tuesday.
- Tuesday? Holy cow.
If I'm gonna save the situation,
the sooner I get started, the better.
Where's Oakwood Gal?
Cat got your tongue, Colonel?
She's in the next barn there,
in the middle stall.
Let's go.
My head.
Come on.
Here she is.
What now, Francis?
Off the record,
there's nothing wrong with Oakwood Gal...
except a bad case of hero worship.
Hero worship?
You know how kid sisters are
about their big brothers.
She's convinced she can't beat Sir Gallant.
It's given her an inferiority complex.
What are you gonna do, Francis?
Psychoanalyse her.
Psychoanalyse a horse?
They do it to people, don't they?
Now, get lost for an hour.
Get up there.
Morning, ma'am.
Now, Oakie, old gal...
you and I are gonna have
a nice, relaxing talk.
I'm your friend, and I wanna help you.
Suppose you lie just down
like a nice little girl.
Put your head back on that hay.
Come on now, lie down.
Just relax.
Keep that little Southern body
on that Northern hay and listen to me.
Are you comfy?
Now, I want you
to think back to your childhood...
way back to the very beginning.
Now I need a drink.
I'll make you a julep, Grandpa.
No. Mix me a Moscow Mule.
Tell Dr. Francis all about it.
- Easy does it, Mr. Stirling.
- Yeah, I'll take it easy.
Now remember, little girl,
you win with your heart.
A horse that won't be beat, can't be.
Francis, you've inspired her enough.
I'll handle this.
Now... Please.
Remember that thought:
Every day in every way,
I'm getting better and better.
Now get in there.
You know something?
If I got that silly filly any more
steamed up, she'd overshoot the runway.
Excuse me, Francis...
but I don't think she ought to work
more than the half mile, do you?
Colonel, either you keep out of my hair,
or I quit.
I was only trying to be helpful.
Then you'd better start
seeing about a good jock.
But I thought
Peter was going to ride Oakwood Gal.
In the $100,000 handicap?
Why, the kid wouldn't last
once around on a merry-go-round.
- I thought that...
- Hey, I'll do the thinking.
Oh, Boy.
It's you, Mr. Stirling.
You scared me.
I was worried about Oakwood Gal,
so I came to check.
I reckon we all get nervous
this close to the big race.
I was bedded down there
so that I can keep an eye on things.
That's a good idea.
You know, Mr. Stirling,
I've been watching you work out.
If you don't mind my saying so, you've got
the most unusual seat I ever did see.
- I have?
- Yes, sir.
Is that something you developed yourself?
I guess I was born with it.
Then I guess you're just one of them
natural-born riders.
Who'd ever thought
she'd be entered in this big race?
A couple of people had the idea.
Cut the tendon in the hind leg.
I know what to do.
Unhook that
and get that stupid donkey out of the way.
Come on.
Police! Come on, get up there.
Emergency. All track police to stable one.
Somebody called the cops.
On the double. Stable one. Come on.
Get the lead out. Help!
The donkey done it.
Police! Help!
Hold on now. Drop that gun.
All right. Let's go.
- Doctor, tell me...
- Not now, Stirling.
The doctors have been in there
over an hour.
He'll be all right,
Peter. I'm sure he will.
He's only a mule,
but he's like a mother to me.
He's the best friend I ever had.
I don't know what I'll do without him.
Take it easy, Doc.
If you please,
Dr. Marberry, I'm doing this.
- Of course, Doctor, I didn't...
- Scalpel.
What're you doing, digging a sewer?
I suppose you could do better?
- Really, Dr. Quimby, I didn't say any...
- Haemostat and sponges.
Got the bullet.
Are you supposed to be
a doctor or a butcher?
Very well, Dr. Marberry.
- You may continue.
- No, Dr. Quimby. I insist.
I insist.
Will you two quacks make up your mind?
- Couldn't be.
- It's impossible.
That's what you think.
- Doctor, is he all right?
- He?
Yes, he's all right.
But I think we inhaled too much ether.
Come on in.
Francis, you're all right.
I hope to kiss a duck, I'm all right.
I was so afraid I was gonna lose you.
Skip it. You're slobbering all over me.
Francis, we were so worried.
If there's anything we can do for you...
There's something you can do
for me right now.
Anything you say, Francis.
Get the heck off of my tail.
Any special instructions, Col. Travers?
No. She knows the kind of race
she's going to run.
She knows? You mean the horse?
That is, she'll do it instinctively.
I hope you're right, Colonel.
She doesn't look like much.
Stirling, are you sure you can trust
Francis? I'm worried about Oakwood Gal.
What do you think is wrong with her?
Can't figure it out. I've been over it
carefully but she just hasn't got any pep.
We better get to Francis right away.
I don't suppose you people come here
to talk about my operation.
Francis, we're in trouble. There's
something wrong with Oakwood Gal.
- That dumb little filly's got stage fright.
- Stage fright?
Yeah. Handicap is big stuff to a racehorse.
Francis, you've got to do something.
"Francis, you've got to do something."
Must I run the race too?
Please, Francis.
- Are you using a lead pony?
- What's a lead pony?
Some horse expert.
He's the pony
that leads the horse to the starting gate.
I never use one with Oakwood Gal.
This race, you will.
The horses are on the track
for the big handicap...
for a purse of $100,000,
added at one mile and a quarter.
Here's something very unusual:
A mule acting as lead pony accompanying
Oakwood Gal to the starting gate.
Is that a mule?
I believe it is.
Highly irregular.
I've been a member
of the Racing Association for 11 years...
and I've never seen a mule for a lead pony.
Neither have I.
The horses
are at the starting gate...
and are being taken in hand one by one
by the assistant starters.
And going into position for this
mile-and-a-quarter handicap.
Oakwood Gal is acting a bit fractious
at the gate this afternoon.
I never saw Oakwood Gal so full of vinegar.
- They're in the stalls.
- Looks mighty fishy.
The flag is up.
And they're off and
running. It's Oakwood Gal breaking on top.
Radio Script is second. Interval is third.
Short Tort is fourth. Phantom Bell is fifth.
Sir Gallant, Lucky Lucky and Barrel Head.
Come on, Oakwood Gal!
Oakwood Gal has
opened up a long lead of six lengths.
Radio Script is second by a length.
Interval is third by a half.
Short Tort is fourth by a head.
Then comes Radio Script.
And turning into the back stretch...
it is Oakwood Gal. Making the pace in hand
and leading by eight lengths.
She's leading.
If she wasn't, I told her
I'd kick her teeth in.
Around the turn,
is Oakwood Gal by a length and a half.
Short Tort is second by a head.
Interval is third by a head.
Radio Script and Sir Gallant.
Come on, boy. Now cut her loose.
Oakwood Gal
has opened up a long lead.
Short Tort is second, Phantom Bell
is third, and here comes Sir Gallant.
Come on, Oakwood Gal.
Come on, now.
Oakwood Gal
and Sir Gallant.
It's Oakwood Gal by a length.
By half a length.
No, go back.
It is Sir Gallant
and Oakwood Gal.
Come on!
And it is Sir Gallant...
No, it's Oakwood Gal, the winner.
Grandpa, we won!
Francis, we won!
Oh, stop, Pete. What'll people think?
That was the most flagrant thing I
ever saw. Sir Gallant stopped cold.
The horse was deliberately pulled.
I can't believe that Col. Travers...
No one's ever fixed this race before
and never will.
Bring everyone involved to the office
at once.
Your attention, ladies
and gentlemen. Be sure to hold all tickets.
I guess we're all agreed
that Sir Gallant stopped cold.
That's right.
All right, Mr. Harrington.
Gentlemen, whether or not
Sir Gallant was pulled...
there's been something funny going on
ever since this fellow got here.
Oakwood Gal never
ran like that in her life.
Col. Travers and Mr. Rogers,
will you wait outside, please?
If you think I had anything to do
with fixing the race, you're crazy.
We've asked that Mr. Mallory
be brought here.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
I can prove that we went to the cleaners
backing Sir Gallant.
We'll hear what you have to say.
All right, boys. We'll call you.
- Now, young man.
- Yes, sir?
I understand you've been
acting as trainer for Oakwood Gal.
Yes. No. Not exactly.
It was really Francis who was the trainer.
- Francis?
- Who's Francis?
Francis who?
What's his last name?
- He doesn't have one.
- That's ridiculous.
- You see, Francis is a...
- Well?
Stirling! One word out of you
about a talking mule and...
- Talking mule?
- But Francis really does talk.
Whoever heard of a talking mule?
Young man, are you trying to tell us
you know a mule that talks?
Know him? He's my best friend.
- He was Oakwood Gal's trainer?
- Yes, sir.
- Do you take us for a bunch of fools?
- No, sir.
I've been through this malarkey before.
It's a cover-up.
- Says who?
- Says me.
- Who said that?
- I said it.
Am I glad you brought Francis.
I told him you were in trouble.
He brought me.
It's true. Look at him. A mule talking.
Look at yourself. You're talking.
Can't be.
This is the most unbelievable thing
I ever heard.
I must be nuts.
I must be losing my mind.
Yeah? I'm losing my patience.
Now sit down, all of you.
I still can't believe it.
You're really talking.
What does it sound like?
And you can talk to horses?
You catch on quick, bub.
What did you do to Oakwood Gal?
I just psychoanalysed her.
You what?
I convinced her she's every bit
as good as her big brother.
Is there anything wrong with that,
I don't know. There's no precedent.
No, I don't think so.
All right, then.
Declare the race official.
Just a minute. What about Sir Gallant?
You talked him into throwing the race,
didn't you?
By the tail of my Great Aunt Regret,
I ought to kick your teeth in.
You were standing near him
at the starting gate.
All I did was remind him
that Oakwood Gal was his baby sister.
I suppose that's
what made him stop so suddenly.
What else?
I knew that moron was too polite
to pass his kid sister in the stretch.
This is awful.
- It's the end of horse racing.
- It's the end of racetracks.
It's the end of everything.
No more Santa Anita,
no more Hollywood Park...
no more Churchill Downs, no more Pimlico.
I can talk to horses, but they bore me.
Pete here got himself into a jam,
and I had to get him out.
From now on, I'm through.
No more talking.
If you'll keep quiet about it, you can all
go back to running your little races.
The results are declared official.
- Goodbye, Frances.
- Spelled with an "E."
With an "E."
- Goodbye again, sir.
- Goodbye, my boy.
Don't you know you're not supposed
to sing with your mouth full?
Goodbye, my boy.
What's on your mind now, chum?
I still don't see why
you wouldn't let me keep Oakwood Gal...
when the Colonel wanted to give her to us.
And spend the rest of my life...
listening to that dumb filly
tell me how she won the big handicap?
My Bonnie lies over the ocean.
My Bonnie lies over the sea.
My Bonnie lies over the ocean.
Take it.
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
To me