Frat Party (2009) Movie Script
(rock music playing)
# I fell off the wrong side #
# Of my bed today #
# I was distraught #
# Over welcoming
yet another day #
# It seems like curtains to me #
# And everything
that I was meant to be #
# And it seems I've got to realize #
# I'll be the yellow light #
# To your gas pedal #
# Baby, give me a minute #
# My stomach's gotta settle #
# I'm elusive in my own partaking #
# Maybe I'd better realize #
# Better realize #
# That you can't make me #
# I can only make
myself up to believe... #
Hey, my name's Duffy.
I'm pretty famous
around here for being
an all-around good guy,
friendly, decent looking,
pretty smart.
Kinda got it made.
Hey, Duffy.
How's it hanging?
- Love you long time, Lexi.
- Looking hot, Duff.
Hey, Andrea.
Graduation week...
crazy.
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
I have had a great
four years here at TULA.
I'm getting a business degree
and I belong to the best
fraternity on campus...
Gamma House.
See, I focus on one thing...
okay, let's make that two things...
during my college career:
Getting laid
and getting an MRS degree.
Okay, you... you may laugh,
but you know,
the first three years
we try to hook up with as many
people as we possibly can.
And then the last year,
we try to find that perfect match.
And let me tell you something,
buddy boy.
I found the perfect girl.
Hey, Duff.
- You may think that's her.
- Why don't you call me anymore?
But that's my ex.
You certainly know why, Kell.
I mean, no one loved you more.
That's true.
No one's crazier in bed.
That's definitely true.
And no one's hotter.
No one.
So then why, Duffy?
Oh yeah, let me guess.
Adriana?
Tell that stupid
rich bitch I said hi.
That's not cool, Kell.
That's not cool at all.
Bye-bye, Duffy.
See, that girl is amazing,
but she's not the one.
Okay, so I burned some bridges
over the last three years
of messing around.
You see, I screwed around...
a lot...
a whole lot.
Sandy Waves
looks like a mermaid.
She's beautiful in every way.
It was like clockwork.
I'd go to the gym,
she'd get on top of me
I think she's married
to a chemistry teacher now,
but she was really
good on the bench.
Ivana Humpalofsky... whoo.
This girl was just
one of a kind.
- (rock music playing)
- Every time we'd have sex,
my ears would ring
for three hours afterwards.
The loudest orgasm
you would ever hear in your life.
Yeah! Oh!
Bang bang bang!
(moaning, screaming)
Two naked twins are actually
making out in my...
my bed right now.
Chloe and Katie...
AKA every man's fantasy.
- Oh!
- Duffy's voice: I would play video games
and talk to my buddies online.
They would be there
just making out with each other.
Sometimes I'd watch.
Sometimes I'd join.
- Sometimes I'd make videos.
- Hi.
(women cooing)
Professor Beaubier...
what a woman,
what a great teacher.
I mean, they say teachers don't
care about their students anymore.
That's a lie.
You know, I really appreciate you
helping me, Miss "Boobier."
It's Beaubier, "Duffay."
- It's actually Duffy.
- Mm.
You know, this class
is just so hard.
Oh, really?
It's really hard?
- It's really hard.
- Mm.
- It's getting harder.
- You need me to take some stress off
from that... that hardness?
- Duffy: Yeah, I don't like hard things.
- No. Oh, no one does.
Holy God.
Oh!
Duffy's voice:
But that is all over now.
No more one-night stands,
no more walk of shames,
no more threesomes.
You see, I am in love
and I'm getting married.
Her name is Adriana.
Adriana is, well...
really really perfect.
She is the most amazing girl
I have ever met in my life
and I want to spend
the rest of my life with her.
Okay, I admit it.
That sounds cornball...
but I mean it.
See, this is
the last week of college
and after finals are over,
I'm going to get married.
I know it's a bit of a rush,
but here's the rub.
My fiance is a debutante
and her family,
they are super-social,
super-rich Italians
from the old country...
very old school.
You see, her father runs
some global wine business.
And he wants her to get married
at the right church
with the right reception
at the right country club.
The problem is the only time
her family says we can get married
is the week of graduation.
I have no say.
Babe, you know that Friday
is the last party
of my Gamma career
and I can't miss it.
Okay, it's just a stupid party.
Who cares?
No no, it's... it's like
the most amazing party
in the history of mankind.
Mm, the most amazing party.
Well, how can you go
to the most amazing party
when you have
the most amazing woman
to marry the next day?
Well, just... just tell your Dad
we'll do it another time.
- I mean, seriously.
- I can't do that, he'll fucking kill me.
- (gasps)
- (laughs)
Fine.
- Wait...
- Duff, I know that look.
- What are you thinking?
- Okay,
the wedding
is Saturday night... Saturday.
Yes.
And the party is Friday.
Genius, you're a genius.
- Am I?
- What do you mean?
I mean, am I?
Friday party,
Saturday wedding.
Wow. Okay. Just go.
Just go to your stupid party.
Really?
You'd consider that?
Going... going to the party?
Yeah.
Babe, fuckin' yeah.
- (laughs)
- Hell yeah.
- Wow.
- It's my last Gamma party...
I picked a winner
this time, didn't I?
- Hey, please.
- Papa's gonna be so proud.
Papa... it's not...
it's not a rehearsal dinner,
it's just a family dinner.
- And I should party...
- Family, remember?
- Yeah.
- We're gonna be a family.
- Can I please go?
- No.
- I'll make the wedding. Please?
- No. No.
Please?
Isn't she so cute? I mean,
what girl does that for her man?
- Man: What's up, bitch!
- Oh, here comes my fraternity brother
- and best friend in the world. Mac!
- Yo!
- Hey.
- Dude, last week of school, man,
which means
the countdown to waiting
for the biggest party
of all time is over!
(laughs)
And we don't get to go.
Ah, it's... it's gonna be cool, Mac.
I can't believe
you're so cool about it.
- I'm completely cool.
- Yeah, but you're completely screwed.
- How?
- Dude, you are getting married
- on Saturday.
- So?
So, the biggest party
of all time is Friday
which means
we don't get to go.
No way.
- What do you mean "No way"?
- No way am I missing
my last night of freedom
on the finest campus
at the finest party
with the finest friends
at my fraternity, dude...
- Gamma.
- T-U-L-A!
- (both grunt)
- Yeah!
No way I'm missing that.
B... but... l... l...
what do you mean?
You've got to be kidding me, right?
- No, I mean...
- Dude, Adriana
is going to hang you up
by your balls
- Well, she's not going to be happy.
- Oh, no shit.
But she's... she's cool with it.
Dude...
(sniffs)
Check this out.
Check this out.
(muttering)
It's weird, you know?
It's like school's over
and you hated going,
but now that it's done
you wish you could
go back, you know?
We had some good times though.
- I'm going to miss it.
- Me too, man.
Oh, speak of the devil, bro.
Here comes Adriana
and her fucking hot-ass friends.
Why are all her friends
so fucking hot?
What's up, baby girl?
Hey, Adriana.
Hey, Kristen. Hey, Cherie.
Hey, baby.
Want to go take a walk with me?
Sure enough.
- Take that.
- Okay. I'll see you guys later.
Hey, I was just about to get down
on some video games.
Fuck you, Duffy!
So, what are you gonna do?
- About what?
- Don't be coy with me, Duffy.
Babe, come on.
This is the last party
of my college career.
It's going to be amazing. I'm going
to talk about it for like 30 years.
All my buddies
are going to be there.
Yeah, it's all your nasty,
porn-addicted, gross,
perverted buddies.
Gamma House?
Really, babe.
Come on. You could've
done so much better.
That place is disgusting.
I'm offended.
I'm a little bit offended.
It's... it's actually
the best fraternity in history.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- It was in a magazine.
Oh, cool.
"Frat Boy Mag"?
- Yeah, so?
- Awesome.
(clears throat)
Come on, Duffy.
Come home with me, all right?
Our wedding is in two days.
Do you realize that?
- Two days.
- Okay.
I will see you
on Saturday morning.
- (groans)
- I'm not supposed to see the bride
- before the wedding, anyways.
- I will take the red-eye.
What? You're going to take
a red-eye to your own wedding?
It's an easy flight. I'll be there
first thing in the morning.
Yeah... hung-over.
Is Kelly going?
- What?
- Kelly.
Kelly, you know?
Kelly... Kelly Kelly...
- whore Kelly... slut Kelly...
- Yeah, I know...
- Remember? Kelly?
- Yeah.
I don't know... I don't know
if she's going to be there.
- I don't know who's going to be there.
- God. Yeah.
- It's a big party.
- Mm-hmm. Duffy,
if you so much as touch her arm,
you're dead meat.
You have nothing
to worry about.
It's not you I'm worried about.
It's your friends
and all of your ex-girlfriends.
Babe, it's just... your father
has a thousand divisions
and they're all in these
little tiny countries.
- (laughs)
- And so, this is the last time
I'm going to be on American soil
for a long time.
Duffy, come on. You know
you need to learn the business.
And Bulgaria?
Oh my God, how much fun.
Whoa... Bulgaria?
- Yeah.
- You didn't tell me Bulgaria!
Bulgaria... like prostitution's
the biggest way
- to make money in Bulgaria.
- (laughs)
That place is scary, babe.
I need... okay.
That... that just proves my point.
I need to be here.
I need to party one last time
in the United States of America...
- Oh yes.
...because I'm a patriot.
- (laughs)
- And I'm gonna marry you
in this great country
on this soil
because I pledge
my allegiance to you...
- (laughs)
...because I love you.
You are fucking nuts.
Do you know that?
And that might be
one of the reasons why I love you.
Have I ever told you
I dreamt about you
- when I was like 10 years old?
- Mm. No.
You were the same size,
the same age,
- but I was 10 and I remember you.
- (laughs)
- You're a dork.
- I know.
I swear to God,
you call me.
Do you understand?
You call me from the party,
you call me when you get to LAX
and you call me
when you land
in San Francisco, okay?
Do not forget.
You call me, Duffy.
- So, what... what am I doing again?
- Oh, you're calling me.
Oh, call you.
Yeah, I'll call you.
I'll call you
whenever I have service
and I will see you first thing
in the morning
in Napa for our wedding.
Papa's gonna kill you.
Mm.
Babe, we... we talked about it
and he didn't even care.
He just... he was more concerned
about his friends and the family,
everyone going to the wedding.
And I promise you,
when I get to that reception,
I will just lick his asshole clean...
Eww. And you'd better, okay?
You need to make him love you.
I will.
Well, I'll see you in Napa.
(rock music playing)
# Last night I met this girl #
(rock music playing)
# Last night I met this girl #
# Her name was December #
# She asked me if I would... #
So, what'd she say, bro?
She's gonna let me do it!
Oh my God!
Dude, you are the man!
- Of course.
- I can't believe she let you do it.
Dude Mac, we talked
about this months ago.
She's cool with it.
What about the rehearsal dinner?
Technically, it's a family dinner
the night before the wedding,
so it's not that big of a deal.
Semantics, dude, semantics.
Home sweet home.
# Baby, are you such a cutie? #
# She asked me
"Is yours guaranteed?" #
- # Now could you talk to me? #
- Hi, Duffy.
Duffy:
Hi... Olivia?
- Close enough.
- # What do you mean? #
# Said now, baby #
# Are you such a cutie? #
# She asked me
"Is yours guaranteed?" #
# Now could you talk to me? #
# I said I've fallen... #
Yeah, I'm gonna need
three iron maidens.
I'm looking for handcuffs,
firecrackers,
lube, olive juice...
this might sound weird,
but how much are clowns?
We need magic at this party.
Um, let me know ASAP.
Okay. TTYL.
(smooches)
Chadster!
- Chad: What is up?
- What the hell are you ordering, bro?
- Supplies, my brother.
- What's up, buddy?
- Duffy-Duff-Duff.
- Mac: Sounds nice.
Guys, this party's gonna
be off the fucking chain.
Dude, sounds like it.
That's why we put your ass in charge.
Yeah, of course.
I've been working since 6:00 A.M.,
- I don't stop.
- Gamma Spa open.
- Oh, yes.
- Chad: No.
- Gamma Spa!
- Chad: Not me, not me.
Guys, I no longer deal
with anything Asian.
Duffy: That is the most
racist thing I've ever heard.
I think she's Chinese anyway, bro.
Look, forget him.
Me and you, Duff.
- She's got two hands.
- You see that?
"No full service."
Yeah, that's for people
who aren't Gamma.
Come on.
- Hey, sweetie.
- I didn't know we had a statue of you.
Mac:
Shut up. It's just me on a toilet.
Hey! Let me see them cheeks!
(laughs)
(Asian flute music playing)
- Here, Macky.
- (Mac giggles)
Hey, massage only, buddy.
Dude, come on.
Don't be such a puss.
Puss? Bro, l... I'm engaged.
I'm getting married.
Yeah, you're getting married.
Key word..."getting."
Make this your last one.
It'll be cool.
And no bachelor party shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm your best man!
It's my job to throw you
the sickest bachelor party.
Dude-dude-dude...
bachelor party, frat party
all combined into one.
Being here is my bachelor party.
No. You being here
is a fucking happy ending.
The bachelor party's after this.
Duffy:
Oh, God.
Massage only.
Mac:
Yeah, for now.
He might change his mind and get the...
(clicks teeth)
With me.
My God, Adriana.
What? What?
I mean, come on now.
He should be going with you right now.
Would you stop it?
It's gonna be fine.
- No, he's a piece of shit.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God. Okay?
You're my bridesmaid in my wedding.
- You need to stop.
- And I don't think it's right...
- Right?
- Yes, Duffy is a nice guy.
- Yeah.
- He's gonna be a good boy at the party.
- Yeah.
- Then why wouldn't he
come with her today? I mean...
It's his last night.
Would you stop?
- Okay.
- Exactly.
- Oh, God.
- It's going to be so fun anyway.
- Yeah and our dresses...
- I know.
- Our dresses are so pretty...
- Yeah, but he...
The party is gonna rock
and he's gonna make up for it.
He told me he was
gonna kiss my dad's ass.
Oh, he's gonna
have to do that and kiss your ass.
I'm fine. I told him he could go.
- I trust him. I love him. Enough.
- Yeah.
- (phone ringing)
- No.
It's my sister.
- I'll see you guys later.
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
- Let's go.
- Adriana: Hi.
- Is he coming to the family dinner Friday?
- No.
- Adriana, Papa's gonna be angry.
(groans)
You know what? I don't have time for this.
I'll see you later. Bye.
(Mac sighs)
Dude, I'm so glad that you're going to be
coming to our final frat party.
It'd suck without you, bro.
Oh yeah, it feels good.
It's probably the dumbest decision
I've ever made,
but you know what?
Adriana's Dad is pissing me off.
I mean, this is like
my last day of freedom.
Mac:
Right. And you're stepping up to him
showing him that you
can be the man, you know?
That's awesome.
It's kind of crazy, you know?
It's our last party of college.
I'm going to miss you guys.
Mac: I know, bro.
I'm going to miss you too.
It is weird to think
that it's all over, man.
Real life's gonna suck.
(men sighing)
So...
dude...
you gonna roll over and join me
in a farewell happy ending, huh?
(laughs)
Yeah, dude,
real men
don't do that together.
Oh, okay. All right,
why don't you just lie there
with your own insecurities
and try to keep it down.
'Cause I'm getting
a happy ending without ya.
Okay.
(grunts)
Hey, baby. How about a happy ending
for your favorite customer?
You get no happy ending
because what you did last time,
you bad boy...
Come on, baby,
that was...
look, I was... I was
pent up that last time.
- No...
- No no no, listen listen.
I'll wait, okay?
- I'll wait this time, I promise.
- You never wait last time.
But you be careful this time, okay?
I will, I promise.
Okay.
(Mac moaning)
Mac:
Oh, God, that is nice.
You know, if you...
if you take your top off,
it would really help me
just concentrate more.
Yeah, just...
it's cool, right?
(moans)
Yeah.
(grunts)
Oh ho-ho-ho-ho.
Now, that is nice.
(Mac moaning, laughing)
Mac:
Your hands are cold.
Oh, God, you look so fine.
Your body's so amazing.
And this... this wrist thing
is just good.
Oh, man.
What kind of lotion is this?
It's like self-warming.
Oh! Oh, God!
Oh... oh, yeah!
- Yes! Yes!
- No! No!
- Yes!
- (shouting)
(Mac moaning, yelling)
Oh, I just went.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. My bad.
It's no big, deal, right...
(screams)
- Son of a bitch!
- Macky!
Oh shit, you fucking...
what is wrong with you?
- (woman laughs)
- Oh my God.
You just threw my shit back on me.
That's fucking disgusting.
Masseuse:
Macky! No more Macky!
You promised
to wait for nappy-Macky!
Where's my nappy now?
Where's my nappy?!
Okay! Okay, listen,
I'm gonna get ready to...
- Oh! Son of a bitch!
- Duffy: I'm out of here.
You can dish it,
- but you cannot take the Macky.
- Mac: Oh fuck!
Yes! It's all over my fucking face!
Are you happy?
You get paid for this shit!
Duffy:
Thank you. Thank you.
- You have great hands.
- Can I get a fucking nappy?
Please?
- (water running)
- What an amazing massage.
- I loved her hands.
- (gasping)
Yeah? Fuck an amazing massage.
My shit traumatized me.
I'm going to have nightmares about girls
flinging come on me
the rest of my life!
It sucks!
I'm never going back to that place.
Two-for-one coupon, my ass!
You know that girl
was a tranny, right?
(rock music playing)
You know I hate you, right?
You know I love you, right?
Mm-hmm.
Don't fuck this up, okay?
- I won't.
- Mm.
See you tomorrow.
Yeah? You're a jerk.
And you'd better fucking call me.
(Adriana giggles)
You better drive safe
- or I'll cut your head off.
- (car starts)
(rock music playing)
(neighs)
(sighs)
Adriana! Adriana!
This boy Duffy,
where is he?
The wedding is tomorrow.
Adriana! Adriana!
Papa! I told you
he will be here late tonight. Enough.
# I wanna take you with me... #
(grunts)
# Far away #
# Makes me feel
like you are far away... #
Man:
Aww!
Time out. Come on,
you're throwing me off...
- Shh! Shh shh! Shh...
- You don't have to do that...
- Shh.
- Come here. Hug it out.
- It's okay.
- Jeez.
- We all can't... stop.
- I'm a girl. You don't have to...
- Seriously. Shh.
- You don't have to do it.
- Just let...
- Hey. Go back to your side.
Hey hey, Adriana.
Hey, Stefano.
Didn't realize you'd be here.
- You're looking good.
- Thanks.
Adriana, I invited Stefano here
for your homecoming.
He misses you.
I haven't dated Stefano
since boarding school
and last I checked,
he's dating Michela.
Yeah, we're not dating anymore.
Yeah, l... I actually
put a bag over her head
when we were in the bedroom.
Um, it's kind of weird. She has some
bumps. I'm a little freaked out by 'em,
but it's okay.
Please please,
have a toast with us.
Come have some wine.
Thanks, Papa.
And to my wedding too.
Come come, sit sit, drink.
This Duffy,
your no-good boyfriend,
he's not making a family dinner
so he can go to a party.
It's more than a party, okay?
We're gonna be overseas for years
and he just wants
to say goodbye to his friends.
It's ridiculous.
- I think you should consider Stefano.
- (gasps)
I knew it.
- Michela!
- It's decided.
Adriana, baby,
look, come here, come here.
- Look...
- Oh, God.
It's always been you.
You've got to be kidding me.
You dated my little sister.
I know, but I've always loved you.
That's disgusting, okay?
Michela, say something!
What do you want me to say?
He doesn't want to marry me.
Okay, you know what?
This is insane.
It's not the Old Country
anymore, Papa.
Okay? I'm marrying Duffy.
Adriana, wait up.
Stefano, let her go.
You better get
to the university right away.
- I won't let you down.
- You'd better not.
Now, go say goodbye
to the girls.
Come on. Go.
(distant rock music playing)
Jesus, Stefano!
Get out!
Adriana, I just want to tell you
- I've always loved you.
- Oh, God.
- I've always loved you.
- Stefano, we're not dressed.
Get out.
I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
(giggles)
What do you see in him?
What? Marry him.
Fuck, Michela!
Shut up already.
(groans)
- (shouting, cheering)
- (rock music playing)
- (shouting, cheering)
- (rock music playing)
Last party of the year, bro.
- Yeah, bro. I hope you get laid.
- Yeah, bro. I hope I get laid too.
- Aw!
- (cheering)
# Ooh ooh ooh #
# Baby #
# I ache #
# Your soul is
so damn beautiful #
# I'm bleedin' out my eyes #
- # Let's say #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
- # One day #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
# They hit us with rocks,
we'll stand on a box #
# And show them
exactly what we found... #
(vocalizing)
You are getting
completely married tomorrow.
- Exactly.
- Thanks, brother.
Hey... Mandy?
- That's Megan.
- Whatever.
# 'Cause when you're with me #
# I get this feeling inside #
# Catch me scream
in the streets #
# "I'm alive!
I've alive!" #
# You got me all shook up
and I ain't never coming down #
- # He's my #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
- # Sunshine #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
# Baby paints
in the most glorious colors #
# You ever did see... #
(screams)
(vocalizing)
# I get around, I get around,
I get get get #
# Get around #
# One day, if I get my way #
# I'm a fixin' so our names #
- # Are gonna be the same #
- (cheering)
# Have a walk in the sun,
my only one #
# We gonna tear it up #
# Tear it up,
tear it up #
# Tear it up, tear it up #
# Tear it up,
tear it up #
# Tear it up,
baby, tear it up. #
Yeah!
- Oh!
- Looks good, buddy.
Looks good, but you know what?
It is a little normal.
- Yeah.
- Normal? What are you talking about?
Dude dude...
where's the pop-a-top spotter?
Chad:
Uh, right there.
Hey, Vincent!
What's up, Vinny!
Where are the girls at?
(guys cheering)
Good eyes, bro.
Good eyes.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- But that's still normal.
- It's normal.
- Normal? Dude, strip beer pong!
(all cheering)
Whoo!
All:
Oh!
- Normal!
- Oh my God.
You know what?
You guys... you guys are hard to impress,
but follow me,
both of you...
- Uh-huh?
...to the theme rooms.
- Theme rooms!
- Oh my!
Mac:
Theme rooms!
(man vocalizing)
(hip-hop music playing)
Gentlemen, I simply call this room...
"The Club."
- Nice.
- Wow.
Chad, it is looking
much much better.
Please save your compliments
until the end of the tour.
- Move, come on.
- I'm going.
# You know it's like fire #
# I ain't tired,
I feel wired #
# It's my desire... #
Thanks.
(sighs)
- You worried?
- No.
(sighs)
(pop music playing)
# Change your pace... #
Duffy:
Oh, that's good right there, yeah.
Show me some more of that.
Gentlemen, welcome
to my perverted palace
of "pussay."
# You stop for me,
can't hardly breathe... #
Awesome.
I'm speechless.
Yeah, sometimes
I even outdo myself.
- Hey, Kell. You in line?
- Hey.
Why not?
To get photographed by Pablo?
Kelly:
No, I'm gonna get photographed
by you, bachelor boy.
- Surprise!
- You're a bachelor.
It's your party.
Time to fuckin' party!
- Kelly: Whoo!
- Yeah! Come on, dude!
- Yeah, it's my turn.
- Wait, I'm not done, I'm not done.
- Oh, stop...
- Duffy, come on.
You're gonna shoot me.
Look. Look look look.
You're not gonna touch,
you're just gonna shoot.
- Chad: Oh my God. You've gotta...
- Shh!
No offense,
but l... I can't do that.
# So beg me... #
Um, I'm... I'm a little insulted.
I said no offense,
but if you're a little offended,
I'm sorry, Kell because...
Are you fucking kidding me?
You know what?
Screw you. Pablo!
That's your name, right?
You want to shoot me?
- Pablo: Hell yeah.
- Kelly: All right, let's go.
Bye! See you later!
Yeah, run along! Run along!
- I'm sorry.
- Kelly: Yeah, whatever.
- I love your tits.
- Kelly: Uh-huh.
- (all chattering)
- Kelly: Yeah, it's cool. Whatever.
- Give me the tiger... tiger.
- (hisses)
That's... that's the shit
I'm talking about right there, dude.
That's that shit.
# I hope this will do for me... #
Duff.
- Duff. Duffy.
- Chad.
- Duffy.
- Chad.
- (laughs)
- Duffy!
Chad, what the fuck?
Well, uh, I'm sad.
We're both sad.
- Because?
- You're getting married.
- You're getting married, bro!
- Both: You're getting married!
Married forever!
Forever married!
I know, I'm getting married.
I'm sorry.
Well, because we love you,
- we got you a present.
- A big present.
- Big present!
- I'm so jealous.
- I'm so jealous!
- It's like the best present ever.
Okay, what is it?
- Porn star!
- Porn star, bro!
- Motherfuckin' porn star!
- Porn star!
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Right there behind this door
is a real live human
fucking porn star
for you to fuck the shit out of!
- Yeah, that's a good one.
- In your room, porn star, for you, Duff.
Duffy, if there is not a porn star
in that room
when you open the door,
I will personally suck your dick.
There is no fucking way
that there is a porn star
in this Gamma House
in my room.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
Okay, well, how about this? Bam!
Duffy, right?
Duffy:
Hey. Yeah.
Hello.
Oh, God.
Mission accomplished.
It's really on, dude.
He's not going to know.
(laughing)
I know.
I need Vicodin.
You're... you're Jesse Jane.
You have really
considerate friends, Duffy.
Yeah.
You know, I don't offer myself
to a lot of people.
(pop music playing)
- You don't?
- Uh-uh.
I'm doing this
as a favor for Chad.
Yeah, I mean, porn's different,
but on the other hand,
I'm a really nice girl.
Yeah, you look like a nice girl.
I'm from a really small town.
- I'm from a small town.
- Where at?
Oklahoma.
No way, I'm from Oklahoma.
We... we actually
went to the same high school.
- We did?
- Yeah.
- Have I met you?
- No, but we brushed arms one time
like walking by.
Huh. Well,
what's it gonna be,
bachelor boy?
Um... um...
what... what do you mean?
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
You're cute.
I owe Chad a favor
and you're getting married.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
So do you want
to have sex with me?
Uh... s... yeah... sex with...
with... with... with you?
Sex with me.
Sex with... with you.
Are you hard of fucking hearing?
- (moans)
- Oh, shit.
I'm not... I'm actually
not hard of hearing.
- But you're hard.
- Yeah.
Um, this is...
this is incredible,
- I need to tell you.
- Mm, yeah.
- Oh my God.
- (moaning)
- Take you clothes off.
- My... my clothes too?
- Yeah, I want your clothes off.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- I've gotta get this button.
Come on. Oh, come on,
take your clothes off!
- Okay, yeah yeah...
- I'm horny.
Fuck me, Duffy!
Fuck me, Duffy!
- (Duffy muttering)
- (Jesse moaning)
- Jesse: Oh, God.
- Duffy: Oh, yeah.
- Okay. That's nice.
- (moaning loudly)
You know what?
You know what? L... l...
l... I can't. I can't.
I can't... I can't do this. I'm sorry.
- What?!
- It's just that...
I'm getting married tomorrow.
- So...
- What the fuck!
- It's just...
- (gasps)
I, um... you're really hot, but...
Do you know how many guys
turn me down topless?
- Three?
- None, you fuck!
Jesse, listen, um...
good Lord, you know?
- (sighs)
- I'm attracted to you.
It's... it's... I just...
Jesse:
No shit?
I really want to do you.
You know, I love my fiance.
Really? That's sweet.
But you're missing out
on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
I wish that I was a dog and that I was
still a freshman or a sophomore
or a junior
or it was beginning of senior year
because I would
fuck the living shit out of you.
But you know what?
L... I would never hurt my girlfriend.
Are you sure there's
nothing you wouldn't do?
Um... but...
Nothing at all you wouldn't wanna...
try out?
Yeah yeah, okay.
Let's stop.
Let's just stop
right here because...
I really do love her
and as much as I love
Jesse Jane,
I need to go and, uh...
She's... she's a really lucky girl.
- You think so?
- You turned me down,
so yeah, I think so.
Thank you.
I'm gonna, um...
I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
- Thanks for coming.
- And, uh...
- Thanks for not coming.
Would you sign
my fridge? Please?
- Sure.
- There's a Sharpie in that mug over there.
Okay. I will.
I'll sign you fridge.
- Can I kiss that bunny?
- You wanna kiss my bunny?
Yeah. There you go.
- I always wanted to do that.
- (giggles)
- I'm gonna get married!
- Whoo-hoo!
# I can survive #
- # Ooh #
- Hey, Duff.
- Hey. Hey hey.
- Where's your girlfriend, big boy?
- She's actually not here.
- Oh! Lucky for me then.
Yeah, no no no.
Actually, I'm getting married.
- I'm getting married tomorrow.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Shouldn't you be at the rehearsal...
Yes! L... I should.
I should be there.
So, l... I'm going right now.
Yeah, I'll meet you upstairs.
Yeah? Upstairs.
Holy God.
(cheering, shouting)
Mac!
Mac!
Come on, boy!
(smooches)
Come on!
(whistles)
Damn it!
Get over here!
Did you see me sucking face
with that hot chick?
Shh! See that guy? Him.
That dude right there
does not belong here.
Mac:
What... what?
That's Adriana's ex-boyfriend.
It's her sister's...
Duff, did you fuck her?
- No.
- No?!
- No!
- No?!
- No, dickhead!
- Dude, I would've fucked her!
- I know you would've...
- You didn't fuck Jesse Jane?
- I spent all my money on that chick.
- Way to go, bro.
By the way, Mac, the girl you're
making out with has herpes.
Anyways, follow me
(French accent)
To the sex dungeon.
Yeah, like big-time herpes.
I got it from her.
Can I go back up there with Jesse Jane
then? 'Cause it won't matter.
Duffy:
Come on.
- (industrial music playing)
- (Chad humming)
- (industrial music playing)
- (Chad humming)
Man:
Oh, wow.
Duffy-Duff, meet Jennifer,
your sex dungeon goddess.
Jesus, Chad.
L... you look so...
(grunting)
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, man!
- I can't watch.
- Damn it.
- Oh my God.
- Damn it!
You literally just made him
ejaculate in his boxer shorts.
- Mac: Oh, God!
- Clean him up.
I'm gonna do that.
- (groans)
- Sorry, Mac's always had a thing for you.
(chuckles)
Yeah.
Both: L...
- I had no idea, Jenn.
- Yeah, well, I figured
I'd never see
these guys again, so...
I'm more surprised
to see you here.
I thought you were...
I thought you were getting married.
I am, tomorrow.
You know,
you should've married me, Duff.
I mean... Kelly?
Lily? And Adriana?
Are you serious?
I am the one for you.
Um, that was like
three and a half years ago.
I know, but it's always
so good to see you.
You just gotta let it go.
Okay, look, why don't we do
a little goodbye present?
Say, a little sadomasochistic
present from me to you?
- Um...
- Come on, what do you say?
That's really sweet.
Could you do me a favor?
(stammers)
Oh, yeah, you want sex, no whipping.
(laughing)
- No sex...
- What?
...unfortunately.
Um, I need you to do me
a big favor.
- Um, okay.
- Okay, there's this guy.
- He's spying on me, all right?
- (laughs)
- Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.
It's weird, I know,
but Adriana's family...
probably her dad...
hired this guy Stefano
to come and, you know,
spy on me.
And why would
they be spying on you?
I don't know, nervous
about the wedding I guess.
(laughs)
No,
probably because you skipped out
on the rehearsal dinner.
(laughs)
How did you know about...
it's not... it's not a rehearsal dinner.
It's actually a family...
That is what it's called, Duffy.
That is what happens
the night before the wedding.
It's a rehearsal dinner.
- I'm allowed to miss it.
- No, you're not.
Would you help me out, please?
So, you want me to lure him in
and tease him
and then tie him up
so that he can't leave, right?
That's exactly what I was gonna say.
That's so weird.
- Oh!
- (whip cracks)
- Ow!
- That's exactly why I'm the one for you.
That's not the one at all.
Duffy! What the fuck?
I give you this
leather, hot piece of ass
and you talk?
Treat her like a piggy bank
and put things inside her. Look!
- Don't you see?
- There's this thing.
- Chad Chad Chad. Okay, cool.
- What?
I need you to do something for me.
I am doing something for you.
Look at this hot piece of ass.
- (giggles)
- Yeah, all right.
You guys can hook up
whenever you want to,
but for now, I need you to go
and find the Stefano guy,
bring him here
and introduce him to Jennifer.
Oh, I hate that guy.
I saw him upstairs. He's an asshole.
- Yeah.
- I was gonna say something mean,
but I'm scared of people.
Well, you know what?
Don't worry about it.
- I'll change his tune.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- So, I'll go get him
while you
kind of do things to her.
- Give me a few minutes.
- All right.
- We'll set it up.
- You know what I'm talking about?
Hey, hide your panties.
- Still wet.
- Hi, Jenn.
Uh-huh.
So, when he comes up,
I want you to just like tie him up...
- Yeah yeah yeah...
- Seduce him a little bit.
This is gonna be my plan.
We're gonna undress you.
Take it off, take it off.
Okay. So we're going
to get you undressed.
- Okay? Help me.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- I'm still...
- Do it before he gets down here.
- I want him to see you.
- That's a good idea.
- Yeah, it's gonna be perfect.
- Okay.
Because I want him to see exactly
what we're going to do to him.
- Okay.
- He has to believe it.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
- These come off too?
Yeah, everything. Shoes.
Take 'em off.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- This sounds like it...
- No, I promise. I promise.
Take your socks off,
it looks terrible.
- Duffy: Um...
- Okay. Okay, now...
this is the best part.
So, I'm going to tie him like this.
I'm going to show you, okay?
So, come stand right here. Okay?
Now, I'm gonna
put your hands in here.
- Okay.
- Like this and then we're gonna go...
(chirps)
Tighten 'em.
- Yeah.
- Go like this. Gonna pull 'em up.
- (Jennifer chirps)
- Yeah.
- This is gonna be awesome.
- 'Cause then he can't do anything.
I know, it's perfect.
And then, your other hand.
- Oh, both hands.
- Oh, yeah.
They can't be free.
Come on.
- Duffy: I get it though.
- Right? No. We have to do it.
- He has to see...
- Duffy: Be like practicing or something...
That's right.
- Back?
- Tighten that shit up.
- Ready?
- Yeah, okay.
Okay.
We can pull out our toys
and we can decide
everything we want to do to him
when he comes down here, right?
Well, l... I already know
what I want you to do...
- Like what? You tell me.
- I want you to tie him up like this.
- Uh-huh?
- And I want you to speed-bag his balls
like you're a boxer,
just boom boom boom.
- Ooh, I would love to.
- Okay.
And then maybe you can
pour some hot wax on them.
- Uh-huh.
- Maybe take that shovel off the wall
- and shove it up his anus.
- Okay.
- Not supposed to grab that.
- What, your package?
- Yeah.
- Aww.
Is Adriana gonna get so upset?
Aww, I'm so worried.
I mean...
- So, can l...
- Tell her I had it first.
Oh, I'm not gonna tell her that.
Can I get... can I get out now.
- Can you... can I get out of this though?
- No.
- I have to show him exactly...
- Oh, like... like I'm a part of it.
Right, you're... you're the display
so he knows, right?
Do I have to really be
in my underwear for this?
Oh, I could strip you down.
No, I don't want to be naked.
I thought maybe I'd wear jeans
- or something like that.
- No.
- This is way more fun.
- Oh, fun.
So, what kind of games
are you playing?
(giggles)
Hey, thanks a lot.
Oh! What's going on?
Hey. Hey.
Uh, do we... um...
do I know you?
Um, nope. I'm actually, uh...
I'm actually a foreign exchange student.
So, I don't think you know me.
- He's not from around here.
- Okay. Well, guess what?
You know what?
We throw big parties
especially for people who are,
you know, like you.
- Like this one.
- Yeah.
So, why don't you join us
in the sex dungeon?
Well, not us... not us.
We got girls.
Yeah yeah yeah,
not... not us... not us three...
- Not us in the sex dungeon.
- But a sex dungeon.
- It's like... it's like...
- We're going to take you it...
- take you to it.
- It's like the Renaissance Faire
- with chlamydia.
- Okay.
- But not all of 'em...
- Just, uh, give me one second, okay?
Okay.
L... I'll be right back.
You just wait
right here for me, okay?
Just wait right here.
Hey, who's that guy?
(Jennifer moans)
So much fun,
as I promised.
- I can't wait.
- (laughs)
Me either.
(sighs)
- Oh!
- (laughs)
Hey, Jennifer,
we have a new player!
Ooh, bring him in.
Ooh! Is this my next conquest?
(Stefano laughs)
Come over here.
You want to join in the fun?
Stefano!
What are you doing here, bro?
Duff, l... I thought
you were getting married.
Uh, tomorrow, buddy.
This is freedom.
You want to, uh,
let me tie you up?
Oh, no, I'm... I'm good. Thanks.
Oh, okay.
Come on, bro.
Just let her tie you up, dude.
It's my last night of freedom.
I mean, you've been bad, right?
- Oh yeah, I mean...
- He's been real bad.
Oh-ho! Then it'll be fun.
- Let's tie you up.
- Well, I mean, I guess I could
get tied up a little bit.
Come here.
Give me that wrist.
I always... two is always
more fun than one.
Oh, like this?
This is how you get tied up?
- Yeah.
- You know, the funny thing
- about this knot is...
- Jennifer: Is what?
Oh, Duff. Oops.
- (Jennifer laughs)
- Oh. Tie him back up.
- Whoa! What?
- Looks like you have
a little problem here, Duffy.
What the... shit...
- Jennifer: Yeah.
- Whoa!
- Fuck you, Duffy.
- Fuck me?
- Yeah.
- You don't get it, do you?
You don't get it.
Your little rich bitch...
her daddy paid him
to set you up.
Okay, this isn't funny
and you're supposed to tie his ass up.
Shh shh shh shh.
- Fuck you, Duffy.
- Whoa... fuck me?
- Yeah. Fuck you.
- W... why?
How does it make you feel?
Do you feel helpless right now?
- I feel...
- You broke my heart, you fucker.
Oh, God. Ow!
- Payback's a bitch, Duffy.
- Obviously.
You like being helpless?
Watch this.
Oh... no.
(muttering)
- Put a ball in your mouth.
- Let me get on a plane.
Can I get on a plane, please?
If I miss the flight, dude,
it's... I'm not gonna get married.
- Jennifer: What... what? Oh, bummer.
- Dude, there's one flight out.
I get married tomorrow.
Just let me get on the friggin' plane.
Oh, God...
(muttering)
- (Duffy groaning)
- Now, that's all better, isn't it?
How's that taste?
Does it taste good?
- Mm-mm.
- No, it doesn't.
- How do you like being tortured? Huh?
- Mm-mm.
I can give you
a little bit more, Duffy.
- Mm-mm.
- You deserve it.
You're a complete prick.
Now, as much as I would enjoy
staying to play with you,
because I mean,
as we can see,
you've been trying to go to the gym,
but you missed a little spot...
so, I'm going to leave you here
all by yourself to think
about things, okay?
- (groaning, muttering)
- Bye, princess.
Good.
- Bye, Duff.
- (screams)
- Later, Duffy.
- (yelling)
# Is what I said #
# But there's
a place that... #
I almost forgot.
- (screams)
- That's gotta hurt.
(dialing)
(phone ringing)
(groans, sighs)
Man:
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Man:
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Everybody out!
- (men shouting)
(folk music playing)
Whoa-ho!
(screaming)
(phone ringing)
(snoring)
(sniffs)
Mom? Mom?
Mom?
# Baby, keep you by my side #
# No use in trying... #
What a great end
to a solid four years.
I'm gonna miss this place.
I'm gonna miss girls
like you... so much.
Mac:
Hell yeah, bro.
I met some really cool people,
but you and Duffy...
I love you guys.
Bro.
- Where is Duffy?
- (Mac laughs)
Fuck. I haven't seen him in like...
holy shit, what time is it?
- Holy shit.
- Chad: Oh no, dude.
He's fucking that bitch Jennifer
in the dungeon, right?
No, she left with that foreign guy
that blew me off last night.
He was kind of cute.
You talk?
Shit! Shit!
Chad! He's gonna
miss his fucking flight!
We missed it! He's gonna miss
the whole fucking wedding, man!
We gotta get him!
Fucking shit!
- Come on, bro!
- I can't believe she talks!
(rattling)
Oh! Jeez, Duff!
What happened?
- (muttering)
- You don't know?
(grunting)
Oh!
- What happened, bro?
- (spits)
- You okay?
- Yeah, untie me! Jesus.
God. Jennifer and that
damn Stefano dude,
they were working together.
And then... and then Adriana's dad
paid him to come here
and get in my way...
Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Dude, slow down, slow down, man.
- What's going on?
- What time is it?
It's 4:00 AM
Dude, we way missed our flights.
Hey hey hey, don't worry.
- Now you don't have to get married.
- No, fuck that.
I'm not missing
my fucking wedding, dude.
- We're driving it.
- Whoa! Whoa, dude.
The drive, that's like
six hours from now.
Well, there's no more flights out, man.
What are we gonna do?
I've been up all night,
it was a crazy party last night.
Can we just like chill out
and maybe reschedule?
- We could do it next weekend.
- No.
You drive, I'll sleep. Come on.
(Mac groans)
(dialing)
(ringing)
Come on, motherfucker.
Answer the phone.
(ringing)
(rock music playing)
(grunts)
Duffy:
All right, dude.
- I think I'm gonna take a nap.
- Oh.
That's cool, man.
That's why I'm driving, you know?
Gotta make sure you
look good for the bride.
I know, a little beauty sleep.
That's good, man.
(dialing)
(phone ringing)
Duffy's voice:
Hey, this is Duffy. Leave a message.
Hey, honey, it's me.
Just calling to see where you're at.
I wanted to let you know
the dinner went really well.
And I miss you and I love you.
I can't wait to see you. Bye, baby.
(smooches)
Not answering?
He's probably still on the plane.
He should be her by now.
- (sighs)
- You worried?
- No.
- Really?
Michela, you bitch, shut up.
(chuckles)
- (hip-hop music playing)
- (people moaning)
(rock music playing)
I can't fly that slow!
# Come on, let go, so I have to show you
why I'm going, showing #
# Everybody's knowing
that it's so sad #
# It's so bad #
# I used to be #
# The one who #
# Had to #
# Criticize me #
# And it holds you... #
- (hip-hop music playing)
- (both giggling)
- (moaning)
- Oh, God.
I'm bigger than a tree.
I'm bigger than Tommy Lee.
I'm hung like a motherfucking
baby donkey.
Shh. Jesse.
(laughs)
Jesse?
- Oh, shit!
- (moaning)
Shit! Oh, no! No!
No!
(grunts)
(rock music playing)
Dude, where's...
where's my cell phone?
It's probably in the back, man.
Shit, dude.
Where's my cell phone?
Dude, check in the back.
# I stared the Devil in the face
until I went blind... #
Bro, I didn't call Adriana!
- (huffs)
- I didn't call Adriana.
Hey, it's not a big deal.
You're going to go down there
and marry her. You have the rest
of your life to fight over it.
Okay. I need your cell phone.
Dude, she can wait.
We're gonna be there in a couple hours.
She probably
thinks I'm not coming.
Mac:
Of course, you're coming. It's ridiculous.
- Just give me your cell phone.
- I can't let you use my cell phone.
I'm over on weekend minutes. My mom's
gonna kill me if I use them up again.
Adriana's gonna kill me
and I'm gonna kill you.
- Just let me use your cell phone.
- Dang it, Duff.
Just try and make it quick.
No lovey-dovey smooshy crap.
Duffy:
Give me that phone, man.
# Here we go again... #
There's... there's no bars.
- There's no bars, dude!
- Shake it.
I'm not... shake... what?
Shake the phone,
sometimes the bars come in.
The antenna's a little weary.
- (grunting)
- Now check.
No bars, dude.
Drive... drive this... here.
- Hold on.
- I'm just trying to...
just try to like...
- Drive!
- I'm driving!
Duffy:
Mac, your phone is dead.
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping)
(whirring)
(dialing)
(sighs)
Come on.
(sighs)
Michela:
No answer?
Shit, Micky.
What am I gonna do?
Sorry.
Maybe he's still on the plane.
(sighs)
He'll make it. His phone battery
probably just died.
Oh, God.
You don't understand, okay?
The phone is ringing,
he's just not answering.
I'm sorry.
He'll make it.
Oh, shit, Micky.
What am I gonna do?
He'll make it.
(bells tolling)
Adriana:
Shit!
Shit.
(crying)
He's not answering.
I'm sorry.
What am I going to do?
Marry Stefano.
- Are you kidding me?
- Just do it.
Papa wants you to.
You love him.
Adriana, Stefano
will never marry me.
This is insane.
Do it! Everyone is coming.
Duffy... he didn't show up.
He blew you off.
If you show up with Stefano,
people will embrace it.
You know they will.
They want you to marry him.
What about his family
and friends coming to the wedding?
- His parents...
- How many of his friends are coming?
- How many?
- I don't know, like 10 maybe.
Oh, okay. And how many
are coming for you?
- Do it.
- Oh, God.
Do it!
(screams)
No! You know what?
- I'm just calling it off.
- Are you kidding?
- No.
- You can't call it off.
You cannot call it off.
Papa will kill you.
(rock music playing)
# Something in your eyes #
# Tonight #
# Something that says #
# You'll give it away #
# You don't need any reasons... #
Dude, it was right there, man.
(laughing)
We did it.
- (laughs)
- We made it, bro.
So stoked.
Dude, that beast is nice.
Duffy:
Who needs a red-eye flight?
Hey, do you have any mouthwash?
Uh, no. Why?
You're good, right?
My mouth tastes like
a used sporting goods store.
It's probably 'cause you had that Chinese
ball-gag in your mouth all night.
- That's a good point.
- You always were a slow dresser, man.
Don't hold us up.
This is your wedding.
You were always
a fast undresser, buddy.
Dude, you been working out?
Those pecs are looking really ripe.
Thanks, bro.
- (buckle jangling)
- Was I snoring?
I don't know.
I was asleep too.
- What?!
- I mean, uh, yeah. You were really loud.
- I turned the radio up.
- You didn't wear your contacts today?
I mean, I'm driving.
Why would I wear contacts?
- Exactly.
- Then I've gotta see better.
Dude, those bridesmaids
better be gorgeous.
I heard Italian chicks
suck good dick.
Well, they're all rich.
They're good cooks
and they have fat asses.
I should be the one getting
married anyway. Look at me.
I look better than you in that.
Come here.
Do ya? Yeah, straighten
that up a little bit.
- Okay.
- Eyebrows?
- Fix my eyebrows up.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, that looks good.
Don't you think?
(choir vocalizing)
(Adriana sniffling)
(grunts)
(crying)
(rock music playing)
# I've been coming #
# I've been coming after you #
# You got me coming out #
# You got me coming
right after you #
# Uh-oh, uh-oh... #
Shit. Come on.
Adriana!
- God damn it.
- Father: Adriana!
- Adriana.
- Stop calling him.
I don't understand it.
It just keeps ringing.
- What are you going to do?
- I don't know.
- Tell him. Tell him.
- No! No!
Papa, everything's going to be okay.
Duffy's on his way.
There's just something
wrong with his phone.
- He dumped you.
- No, Michela. Okay?
No, Papa. He's on his way, okay?
He'll be here.
Marry Stefano, my love.
- Adriana: No, Papa!
- Just do it, Adriana.
You know you like him.
- Go ahead and marry him.
- Adriana, listen to your sister.
He's here.
He wants to speak to you.
Papa, Jesus.
- Adriana.
- Hello, Stefano.
Look, I'm here for you.
Mm, thank you,
but I don't need you.
Duffy's coming, okay?
Well, I'll wait until
the very last minute.
I'm dressed and ready
to be your husband,
so if you decide
you want to marry me today,
I'd be honored to do so.
(gasps)
Thanks, um,
I really appreciate it,
but that's just not necessary
because Duffy's on his way.
- Well, I'm here for you.
- Mm.
Adriana, you should
consider Stefano's offer.
He's a good man.
He'll be a good husband.
Duffy, he doesn't show up
at the wedding.
He's not here
and we're ready, so...
No, Papa.
He's coming.
- I hope so.
- Yeah.
I hope so,
but Stefano is here
and we're ready.
It's time. It's time.
L... I think he'll be good
for the family,
good for the company,
he'll be a good husband for you
and I approve of him.
- I approve of him.
- Yeah.
I know.
I know, Papa.
(sighs)
(grunting)
- I hate you, Duffy!
- (laughing)
- (chattering)
- Shut up!
I can't believe it.
I'm so nervous. I'm not nervous.
Shh. You look great, man.
Dude, you are getting married.
I'm so proud of you, man.
I know I gave you a hard time for this,
but you're doing
the right thing, man.
- Think she'll forgive me?
- Does she love you?
- She loves me.
- Than she'll forgive you.
Go make a wife out of her, man.
(laughs)
(silent)
(murmuring)
Great job there, son.
We want to thank you
for inviting us to your wedding.
You are welcome.
How was it?
Duffy, you really screwed
the pooch on this one, honey.
Okay, Mom, it was not my fault.
- Well...
- Son... son, listen.
We're gonna go
down to the city
and we're gonna find ourselves
a nice show to go to
and then we're going
to find a nice little bar
- where we can get stinking drunk.
- That's for sure.
And then we're going to go back
to our nice little hotel room and pass out.
Tomorrow morning,
we may be a little hung-over,
but we're going to go
to a nice breakfast
and then we're going
to maybe go shopping.
- Maybe.
- And then we are going to leave.
So, if you'd like to come
out to the house some time
and tell us what this was all about,
that'd be great
because right now,
we are just flat batshit confused.
Oh, you just really
screwed things up here, honey.
You really screwed the pooch
and I am really pissed at you.
- I am really pissed at you, Duffy...
- He knows, honey.
(mother stammering)
I'll... I'll email you.
Michela, what happened?
Duffy, you screwed up my life.
Hi, Duffy.
Hi, Beverly.
(rock music playing)
(rock music playing)
Kelly:
I love you so much, Duffy.
Thanks so much for this vacation.
It's amazing.
You are so welcome.
Thanks for coming.
Hey, um...
I'm sorry about your wedding.
But it all turned out
for the best, right?
(sighs)
Definitely did.
Let's just, uh...
let's relax, okay?
I mean...
I'm better than that stupid
foreign rich bitch, anyway.
So much better.
We've always had fun,
haven't we, Duffy?
More fun than I can handle.
And our sex is amazing.
Actually, yeah, it's...
it's the best I've ever had.
- (laughs)
- You like that? It's so...
Are you hungry?
Um... yeah.
- Okay.
- Let's go eat.
Good.
(rock music playing)
# I've got a Cisco feeling #
# I've got a summer feeling... #
Hey Duffy, didn't you say you used
to come here with Adriana all the time?
Yeah, it was our favorite place.
- How was that?
- Man: It was good, it was good.
- You want some?
- Mm-mm.
- No? Baby.
- Adriana: Mm-mm.
Hey.
(gasps)
Duff.
- What happened?
- Hey, it's Princess Charming.
Duffy, come on, let's go.
Let's not make a scene, okay?
Hey, princess,
can you go tickle your toes
down to the beach?
Shut your face, Stefano.
No one... no one wants you here
in the first place, okay?
- Adriana: Okay...
- No, listen. This guy,
he locked me up in the frat house.
I couldn't make the plane
- to get to the wedding.
- You know what? I don't want to hear it.
Okay? It's too late.
- He locked me up.
- Oh, yeah?
He locked you up?
You know what? He told me everything.
Okay? He locked you
in a sex dungeon...
the sex dungeon
that you were already in.
No, it wasn't...
it wasn't a sex dungeon.
- Okay, explain. Do. Please.
- It was a frat house...
- sex dungeon, but it...
- And who was there, hmm?
A lot of people like this guy.
And who else, hmm?
Who else was there, huh?
Like maybe who
you're with right now?
Huh? You're so predictable, Duffy.
Give me a break.
Oh, excuse me for a second.
Hey, Kell. What's up?
Hey, Adriana.
Always a pleasure.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, princess, I think it's time
for you two to go home.
Why do you keep
calling me "princess"?
Stefano: Why? 'Cause you came out
of the womb as a woman, that's why.
- That's 'cause you have a crush on me.
- Stefano: Why don't you guys
- go to the beach and braid your hair?
- Why don't you go wax your chest again?
You're lucky I'm...
you're a short little tiny man.
'Cause if you weren't, I would come over
there and punch you in your nipple.
- Father: Boys! Boys!
- (all chattering)
Adriana:
Just stop it now. Enough.
This guy?
Adriana, I love you.
Duff, come on. Stop.
It's too late. All right?
Duffy, you're an asshole.
(chuckling)
It's always been you, Adriana.
I love you.
- I love you.
- You know what, Duffy?
Screw you.
You're a dick.
What are you looking at?
Just go run after Kelly, okay?
Just go, all right?
You know what?
I'm... not in love
with you anymore.
Wow.
(soft rock music playing)
Fuck!
Hey.
# As the moments passed us by #
# Somewhere along the way #
# We lost sight #
# Of the important things in life #
# Like time #
# And "I love yous" #
# Seem to settle #
# Around goodbyes #
# So what were you
supposed to be #
# When you grew up? #
# As your life in scenes,
it flashes #
# Right before your eyes #
# 'Cause there are #
# No heroes #
# And this is your life #
# This is what's wrong #
# You're the big fish #
# In the small pond #
# And this is your world #
# It's where you belong #
# Inside, you are hollow #
# The damage is done #
# And this is your world #
# Before we fade away #
# Before we fade away... #
- (chatting)
- Father: That's a good thing.
- Stefano: It is.
- Stefano?
- Yeah?
- Let me go talk to Duffy.
What?
I'll be fine, okay?
I just want to,
I don't know, talk to him
and help him get
back together with Kelly
and just tell him
it's over for good.
- I mean, look at him.
- Okay.
He's just sitting there all by himself.
I feel so bad, you know?
Why don't you go over there and tell
that little princess that it's over, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hey, Adriana,
do you know how long
it's gonna be?
I'm just gonna go talk to him
and get him back with Kell,
so give me
a couple hours at least.
Father:
Adriana, you make him understand
it's over for good.
You set him straight.
- Okay.
- Father: Okay. Ciao.
(soft rock music playing)
# The damage is done #
# And this is your world #
# Before we fade away... #
- Hey.
- # Before we fade away... #
Would you please
just tell me what happened?
You screwed me over real bad,
that's what happened.
I didn't want to.
- (gasps)
- Okay? I wanted... I want to marry you.
But there were all these
problems at the party.
There was like rooms
and handcuffs and...
and there was the plane
and the car...
- Jesse Jane...
- What?!
I don't want to hear
about this, okay?
No. It doesn't matter anymore.
It's over.
Over?
But I love you.
Does that not mean anything to you?
(groans)
You need to go find Kelly.
Where did she go, anyway?
I don't care, all right?
Don't you think it's fate
that we're both here
at the same time?
Come on! I'm here
because my family comes here.
Remember? That's why
we used to come here... my family.
Remember? You were
going to be a part of my family?
Are you kidding me?
- (gasps)
- Okay, what are we gonna do?
Go our separate ways.
That's retarded.
Come on, seriously?
- Fine.
- (folk music playing)
- What?
- Fine. Fine.
You know what?
Just go back with your...
- your... your stupid husband.
- Duffy, wait, okay?
No, I'm not waiting anymore.
You go back to your family
and your... your life...
- your... your family.
- No no no.
Duffy, wait!
Damn it, Duffy!
# I know I've been
missing you #
# But I know
I will see you through #
# And all these things
that I can't say #
# I know they'll be
brought up one day #
# And now the pavement's
cold and wet #
# And I #
# I see these changes #
# But then I soon forget #
# Boy #
# I'm missing you. #
Stefano:
I like when you ride that wild wave.
- Michela: Yeah!
- Stefano: Who's the thunder
from down under?
Who is it? That's me.
- Michela: Take it! Take it!
- Stefano: Yeah! Yeah! Yes!
- Sweat on me!
- Take it!
- Stefano: I'm taking it.
- Yeah, you like that?
- Who's the dirty sister, huh?
- You like that?
- Who's that dirty sister?
- Take it!
(Stefano and Michela yelling)
- Take it! Take that.
- You dirty sister!
- Who's the dirty sister?
- I'm the dirty...
- Oh my fucking God!
- Oh my God.
- Adriana, you said two hours!
- Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
- It's been 10 fucking minutes.
- Oh my fucking...
- No no no no no...
- Are you fucking kidding me?!
- Dirty fucking whore!
- Chill chill chill chill!
- Are you fucking kidding me?!
- Chill. Chill, it's okay!
Stefano! What the fuck
is wrong with you?!
- What... oh, my God...
- Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
- Whoa. Chill. Chill. Chill...
- Are you kidding me?!
Don't you fucking touch me!
Are you kidding me?
You stupid... are you
fucking kidding me, Michela?
- Really? Really?
- Adriana, I'm sorry.
How could you do this to me?!
(shrieks)
Do it!
(screams)
- Stefano: Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
- What am I gonna do now?
Oh my God!
What am I gonna do?
Oh, God. What am I gonna do now?
Michela:
Adriana.
- What the fuck?
- Hey.
What the... don't you
fucking talk to me!
Get the fuck away from me,
you fucking asshole!
Okay.
You fucking fucking bitch.
- I'm sorry?
- Adriana...
Don't! I don't want
to hear another word.
- I didn't... l... I love you!
- (door slams)
(rock music playing)
# I've gone and wasted #
# All those precious years #
# I lacked the courage #
# And ran away #
# With all my fears #
# I went and waited #
# My heart was
so weighed down #
# I wasn't half the man #
# To show you love #
# But that's all different now #
# I've been waiting #
# For this moment all my life #
# And now's the chance
to go and do things right #
# Look in my eyes #
# Surprise me. #
Duffy, you fuck.
I know.
You shouldn't have gone
to that fucking frat party.
No shit.
You love me?
- Of course I do.
- Yeah?
- You want to marry me?
- More than anything in the world...
but you're still married.
Oh, yeah?
Not for long.
# I've been waiting #
# For this moment all my life #
# And now's the chance
to go and do things right #
# Look in my eyes #
# Surprise me #
# Surprise surprise #
# And what I discovered #
# When I looked
back at it all #
# With the touch of your hand #
# I'm home. #
ripped by looxlike
# I fell off the wrong side #
# Of my bed today #
# I was distraught #
# Over welcoming
yet another day #
# It seems like curtains to me #
# And everything
that I was meant to be #
# And it seems I've got to realize #
# I'll be the yellow light #
# To your gas pedal #
# Baby, give me a minute #
# My stomach's gotta settle #
# I'm elusive in my own partaking #
# Maybe I'd better realize #
# Better realize #
# That you can't make me #
# I can only make
myself up to believe... #
Hey, my name's Duffy.
I'm pretty famous
around here for being
an all-around good guy,
friendly, decent looking,
pretty smart.
Kinda got it made.
Hey, Duffy.
How's it hanging?
- Love you long time, Lexi.
- Looking hot, Duff.
Hey, Andrea.
Graduation week...
crazy.
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
I have had a great
four years here at TULA.
I'm getting a business degree
and I belong to the best
fraternity on campus...
Gamma House.
See, I focus on one thing...
okay, let's make that two things...
during my college career:
Getting laid
and getting an MRS degree.
Okay, you... you may laugh,
but you know,
the first three years
we try to hook up with as many
people as we possibly can.
And then the last year,
we try to find that perfect match.
And let me tell you something,
buddy boy.
I found the perfect girl.
Hey, Duff.
- You may think that's her.
- Why don't you call me anymore?
But that's my ex.
You certainly know why, Kell.
I mean, no one loved you more.
That's true.
No one's crazier in bed.
That's definitely true.
And no one's hotter.
No one.
So then why, Duffy?
Oh yeah, let me guess.
Adriana?
Tell that stupid
rich bitch I said hi.
That's not cool, Kell.
That's not cool at all.
Bye-bye, Duffy.
See, that girl is amazing,
but she's not the one.
Okay, so I burned some bridges
over the last three years
of messing around.
You see, I screwed around...
a lot...
a whole lot.
Sandy Waves
looks like a mermaid.
She's beautiful in every way.
It was like clockwork.
I'd go to the gym,
she'd get on top of me
I think she's married
to a chemistry teacher now,
but she was really
good on the bench.
Ivana Humpalofsky... whoo.
This girl was just
one of a kind.
- (rock music playing)
- Every time we'd have sex,
my ears would ring
for three hours afterwards.
The loudest orgasm
you would ever hear in your life.
Yeah! Oh!
Bang bang bang!
(moaning, screaming)
Two naked twins are actually
making out in my...
my bed right now.
Chloe and Katie...
AKA every man's fantasy.
- Oh!
- Duffy's voice: I would play video games
and talk to my buddies online.
They would be there
just making out with each other.
Sometimes I'd watch.
Sometimes I'd join.
- Sometimes I'd make videos.
- Hi.
(women cooing)
Professor Beaubier...
what a woman,
what a great teacher.
I mean, they say teachers don't
care about their students anymore.
That's a lie.
You know, I really appreciate you
helping me, Miss "Boobier."
It's Beaubier, "Duffay."
- It's actually Duffy.
- Mm.
You know, this class
is just so hard.
Oh, really?
It's really hard?
- It's really hard.
- Mm.
- It's getting harder.
- You need me to take some stress off
from that... that hardness?
- Duffy: Yeah, I don't like hard things.
- No. Oh, no one does.
Holy God.
Oh!
Duffy's voice:
But that is all over now.
No more one-night stands,
no more walk of shames,
no more threesomes.
You see, I am in love
and I'm getting married.
Her name is Adriana.
Adriana is, well...
really really perfect.
She is the most amazing girl
I have ever met in my life
and I want to spend
the rest of my life with her.
Okay, I admit it.
That sounds cornball...
but I mean it.
See, this is
the last week of college
and after finals are over,
I'm going to get married.
I know it's a bit of a rush,
but here's the rub.
My fiance is a debutante
and her family,
they are super-social,
super-rich Italians
from the old country...
very old school.
You see, her father runs
some global wine business.
And he wants her to get married
at the right church
with the right reception
at the right country club.
The problem is the only time
her family says we can get married
is the week of graduation.
I have no say.
Babe, you know that Friday
is the last party
of my Gamma career
and I can't miss it.
Okay, it's just a stupid party.
Who cares?
No no, it's... it's like
the most amazing party
in the history of mankind.
Mm, the most amazing party.
Well, how can you go
to the most amazing party
when you have
the most amazing woman
to marry the next day?
Well, just... just tell your Dad
we'll do it another time.
- I mean, seriously.
- I can't do that, he'll fucking kill me.
- (gasps)
- (laughs)
Fine.
- Wait...
- Duff, I know that look.
- What are you thinking?
- Okay,
the wedding
is Saturday night... Saturday.
Yes.
And the party is Friday.
Genius, you're a genius.
- Am I?
- What do you mean?
I mean, am I?
Friday party,
Saturday wedding.
Wow. Okay. Just go.
Just go to your stupid party.
Really?
You'd consider that?
Going... going to the party?
Yeah.
Babe, fuckin' yeah.
- (laughs)
- Hell yeah.
- Wow.
- It's my last Gamma party...
I picked a winner
this time, didn't I?
- Hey, please.
- Papa's gonna be so proud.
Papa... it's not...
it's not a rehearsal dinner,
it's just a family dinner.
- And I should party...
- Family, remember?
- Yeah.
- We're gonna be a family.
- Can I please go?
- No.
- I'll make the wedding. Please?
- No. No.
Please?
Isn't she so cute? I mean,
what girl does that for her man?
- Man: What's up, bitch!
- Oh, here comes my fraternity brother
- and best friend in the world. Mac!
- Yo!
- Hey.
- Dude, last week of school, man,
which means
the countdown to waiting
for the biggest party
of all time is over!
(laughs)
And we don't get to go.
Ah, it's... it's gonna be cool, Mac.
I can't believe
you're so cool about it.
- I'm completely cool.
- Yeah, but you're completely screwed.
- How?
- Dude, you are getting married
- on Saturday.
- So?
So, the biggest party
of all time is Friday
which means
we don't get to go.
No way.
- What do you mean "No way"?
- No way am I missing
my last night of freedom
on the finest campus
at the finest party
with the finest friends
at my fraternity, dude...
- Gamma.
- T-U-L-A!
- (both grunt)
- Yeah!
No way I'm missing that.
B... but... l... l...
what do you mean?
You've got to be kidding me, right?
- No, I mean...
- Dude, Adriana
is going to hang you up
by your balls
- Well, she's not going to be happy.
- Oh, no shit.
But she's... she's cool with it.
Dude...
(sniffs)
Check this out.
Check this out.
(muttering)
It's weird, you know?
It's like school's over
and you hated going,
but now that it's done
you wish you could
go back, you know?
We had some good times though.
- I'm going to miss it.
- Me too, man.
Oh, speak of the devil, bro.
Here comes Adriana
and her fucking hot-ass friends.
Why are all her friends
so fucking hot?
What's up, baby girl?
Hey, Adriana.
Hey, Kristen. Hey, Cherie.
Hey, baby.
Want to go take a walk with me?
Sure enough.
- Take that.
- Okay. I'll see you guys later.
Hey, I was just about to get down
on some video games.
Fuck you, Duffy!
So, what are you gonna do?
- About what?
- Don't be coy with me, Duffy.
Babe, come on.
This is the last party
of my college career.
It's going to be amazing. I'm going
to talk about it for like 30 years.
All my buddies
are going to be there.
Yeah, it's all your nasty,
porn-addicted, gross,
perverted buddies.
Gamma House?
Really, babe.
Come on. You could've
done so much better.
That place is disgusting.
I'm offended.
I'm a little bit offended.
It's... it's actually
the best fraternity in history.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- It was in a magazine.
Oh, cool.
"Frat Boy Mag"?
- Yeah, so?
- Awesome.
(clears throat)
Come on, Duffy.
Come home with me, all right?
Our wedding is in two days.
Do you realize that?
- Two days.
- Okay.
I will see you
on Saturday morning.
- (groans)
- I'm not supposed to see the bride
- before the wedding, anyways.
- I will take the red-eye.
What? You're going to take
a red-eye to your own wedding?
It's an easy flight. I'll be there
first thing in the morning.
Yeah... hung-over.
Is Kelly going?
- What?
- Kelly.
Kelly, you know?
Kelly... Kelly Kelly...
- whore Kelly... slut Kelly...
- Yeah, I know...
- Remember? Kelly?
- Yeah.
I don't know... I don't know
if she's going to be there.
- I don't know who's going to be there.
- God. Yeah.
- It's a big party.
- Mm-hmm. Duffy,
if you so much as touch her arm,
you're dead meat.
You have nothing
to worry about.
It's not you I'm worried about.
It's your friends
and all of your ex-girlfriends.
Babe, it's just... your father
has a thousand divisions
and they're all in these
little tiny countries.
- (laughs)
- And so, this is the last time
I'm going to be on American soil
for a long time.
Duffy, come on. You know
you need to learn the business.
And Bulgaria?
Oh my God, how much fun.
Whoa... Bulgaria?
- Yeah.
- You didn't tell me Bulgaria!
Bulgaria... like prostitution's
the biggest way
- to make money in Bulgaria.
- (laughs)
That place is scary, babe.
I need... okay.
That... that just proves my point.
I need to be here.
I need to party one last time
in the United States of America...
- Oh yes.
...because I'm a patriot.
- (laughs)
- And I'm gonna marry you
in this great country
on this soil
because I pledge
my allegiance to you...
- (laughs)
...because I love you.
You are fucking nuts.
Do you know that?
And that might be
one of the reasons why I love you.
Have I ever told you
I dreamt about you
- when I was like 10 years old?
- Mm. No.
You were the same size,
the same age,
- but I was 10 and I remember you.
- (laughs)
- You're a dork.
- I know.
I swear to God,
you call me.
Do you understand?
You call me from the party,
you call me when you get to LAX
and you call me
when you land
in San Francisco, okay?
Do not forget.
You call me, Duffy.
- So, what... what am I doing again?
- Oh, you're calling me.
Oh, call you.
Yeah, I'll call you.
I'll call you
whenever I have service
and I will see you first thing
in the morning
in Napa for our wedding.
Papa's gonna kill you.
Mm.
Babe, we... we talked about it
and he didn't even care.
He just... he was more concerned
about his friends and the family,
everyone going to the wedding.
And I promise you,
when I get to that reception,
I will just lick his asshole clean...
Eww. And you'd better, okay?
You need to make him love you.
I will.
Well, I'll see you in Napa.
(rock music playing)
# Last night I met this girl #
(rock music playing)
# Last night I met this girl #
# Her name was December #
# She asked me if I would... #
So, what'd she say, bro?
She's gonna let me do it!
Oh my God!
Dude, you are the man!
- Of course.
- I can't believe she let you do it.
Dude Mac, we talked
about this months ago.
She's cool with it.
What about the rehearsal dinner?
Technically, it's a family dinner
the night before the wedding,
so it's not that big of a deal.
Semantics, dude, semantics.
Home sweet home.
# Baby, are you such a cutie? #
# She asked me
"Is yours guaranteed?" #
- # Now could you talk to me? #
- Hi, Duffy.
Duffy:
Hi... Olivia?
- Close enough.
- # What do you mean? #
# Said now, baby #
# Are you such a cutie? #
# She asked me
"Is yours guaranteed?" #
# Now could you talk to me? #
# I said I've fallen... #
Yeah, I'm gonna need
three iron maidens.
I'm looking for handcuffs,
firecrackers,
lube, olive juice...
this might sound weird,
but how much are clowns?
We need magic at this party.
Um, let me know ASAP.
Okay. TTYL.
(smooches)
Chadster!
- Chad: What is up?
- What the hell are you ordering, bro?
- Supplies, my brother.
- What's up, buddy?
- Duffy-Duff-Duff.
- Mac: Sounds nice.
Guys, this party's gonna
be off the fucking chain.
Dude, sounds like it.
That's why we put your ass in charge.
Yeah, of course.
I've been working since 6:00 A.M.,
- I don't stop.
- Gamma Spa open.
- Oh, yes.
- Chad: No.
- Gamma Spa!
- Chad: Not me, not me.
Guys, I no longer deal
with anything Asian.
Duffy: That is the most
racist thing I've ever heard.
I think she's Chinese anyway, bro.
Look, forget him.
Me and you, Duff.
- She's got two hands.
- You see that?
"No full service."
Yeah, that's for people
who aren't Gamma.
Come on.
- Hey, sweetie.
- I didn't know we had a statue of you.
Mac:
Shut up. It's just me on a toilet.
Hey! Let me see them cheeks!
(laughs)
(Asian flute music playing)
- Here, Macky.
- (Mac giggles)
Hey, massage only, buddy.
Dude, come on.
Don't be such a puss.
Puss? Bro, l... I'm engaged.
I'm getting married.
Yeah, you're getting married.
Key word..."getting."
Make this your last one.
It'll be cool.
And no bachelor party shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm your best man!
It's my job to throw you
the sickest bachelor party.
Dude-dude-dude...
bachelor party, frat party
all combined into one.
Being here is my bachelor party.
No. You being here
is a fucking happy ending.
The bachelor party's after this.
Duffy:
Oh, God.
Massage only.
Mac:
Yeah, for now.
He might change his mind and get the...
(clicks teeth)
With me.
My God, Adriana.
What? What?
I mean, come on now.
He should be going with you right now.
Would you stop it?
It's gonna be fine.
- No, he's a piece of shit.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God. Okay?
You're my bridesmaid in my wedding.
- You need to stop.
- And I don't think it's right...
- Right?
- Yes, Duffy is a nice guy.
- Yeah.
- He's gonna be a good boy at the party.
- Yeah.
- Then why wouldn't he
come with her today? I mean...
It's his last night.
Would you stop?
- Okay.
- Exactly.
- Oh, God.
- It's going to be so fun anyway.
- Yeah and our dresses...
- I know.
- Our dresses are so pretty...
- Yeah, but he...
The party is gonna rock
and he's gonna make up for it.
He told me he was
gonna kiss my dad's ass.
Oh, he's gonna
have to do that and kiss your ass.
I'm fine. I told him he could go.
- I trust him. I love him. Enough.
- Yeah.
- (phone ringing)
- No.
It's my sister.
- I'll see you guys later.
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
- Let's go.
- Adriana: Hi.
- Is he coming to the family dinner Friday?
- No.
- Adriana, Papa's gonna be angry.
(groans)
You know what? I don't have time for this.
I'll see you later. Bye.
(Mac sighs)
Dude, I'm so glad that you're going to be
coming to our final frat party.
It'd suck without you, bro.
Oh yeah, it feels good.
It's probably the dumbest decision
I've ever made,
but you know what?
Adriana's Dad is pissing me off.
I mean, this is like
my last day of freedom.
Mac:
Right. And you're stepping up to him
showing him that you
can be the man, you know?
That's awesome.
It's kind of crazy, you know?
It's our last party of college.
I'm going to miss you guys.
Mac: I know, bro.
I'm going to miss you too.
It is weird to think
that it's all over, man.
Real life's gonna suck.
(men sighing)
So...
dude...
you gonna roll over and join me
in a farewell happy ending, huh?
(laughs)
Yeah, dude,
real men
don't do that together.
Oh, okay. All right,
why don't you just lie there
with your own insecurities
and try to keep it down.
'Cause I'm getting
a happy ending without ya.
Okay.
(grunts)
Hey, baby. How about a happy ending
for your favorite customer?
You get no happy ending
because what you did last time,
you bad boy...
Come on, baby,
that was...
look, I was... I was
pent up that last time.
- No...
- No no no, listen listen.
I'll wait, okay?
- I'll wait this time, I promise.
- You never wait last time.
But you be careful this time, okay?
I will, I promise.
Okay.
(Mac moaning)
Mac:
Oh, God, that is nice.
You know, if you...
if you take your top off,
it would really help me
just concentrate more.
Yeah, just...
it's cool, right?
(moans)
Yeah.
(grunts)
Oh ho-ho-ho-ho.
Now, that is nice.
(Mac moaning, laughing)
Mac:
Your hands are cold.
Oh, God, you look so fine.
Your body's so amazing.
And this... this wrist thing
is just good.
Oh, man.
What kind of lotion is this?
It's like self-warming.
Oh! Oh, God!
Oh... oh, yeah!
- Yes! Yes!
- No! No!
- Yes!
- (shouting)
(Mac moaning, yelling)
Oh, I just went.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. My bad.
It's no big, deal, right...
(screams)
- Son of a bitch!
- Macky!
Oh shit, you fucking...
what is wrong with you?
- (woman laughs)
- Oh my God.
You just threw my shit back on me.
That's fucking disgusting.
Masseuse:
Macky! No more Macky!
You promised
to wait for nappy-Macky!
Where's my nappy now?
Where's my nappy?!
Okay! Okay, listen,
I'm gonna get ready to...
- Oh! Son of a bitch!
- Duffy: I'm out of here.
You can dish it,
- but you cannot take the Macky.
- Mac: Oh fuck!
Yes! It's all over my fucking face!
Are you happy?
You get paid for this shit!
Duffy:
Thank you. Thank you.
- You have great hands.
- Can I get a fucking nappy?
Please?
- (water running)
- What an amazing massage.
- I loved her hands.
- (gasping)
Yeah? Fuck an amazing massage.
My shit traumatized me.
I'm going to have nightmares about girls
flinging come on me
the rest of my life!
It sucks!
I'm never going back to that place.
Two-for-one coupon, my ass!
You know that girl
was a tranny, right?
(rock music playing)
You know I hate you, right?
You know I love you, right?
Mm-hmm.
Don't fuck this up, okay?
- I won't.
- Mm.
See you tomorrow.
Yeah? You're a jerk.
And you'd better fucking call me.
(Adriana giggles)
You better drive safe
- or I'll cut your head off.
- (car starts)
(rock music playing)
(neighs)
(sighs)
Adriana! Adriana!
This boy Duffy,
where is he?
The wedding is tomorrow.
Adriana! Adriana!
Papa! I told you
he will be here late tonight. Enough.
# I wanna take you with me... #
(grunts)
# Far away #
# Makes me feel
like you are far away... #
Man:
Aww!
Time out. Come on,
you're throwing me off...
- Shh! Shh shh! Shh...
- You don't have to do that...
- Shh.
- Come here. Hug it out.
- It's okay.
- Jeez.
- We all can't... stop.
- I'm a girl. You don't have to...
- Seriously. Shh.
- You don't have to do it.
- Just let...
- Hey. Go back to your side.
Hey hey, Adriana.
Hey, Stefano.
Didn't realize you'd be here.
- You're looking good.
- Thanks.
Adriana, I invited Stefano here
for your homecoming.
He misses you.
I haven't dated Stefano
since boarding school
and last I checked,
he's dating Michela.
Yeah, we're not dating anymore.
Yeah, l... I actually
put a bag over her head
when we were in the bedroom.
Um, it's kind of weird. She has some
bumps. I'm a little freaked out by 'em,
but it's okay.
Please please,
have a toast with us.
Come have some wine.
Thanks, Papa.
And to my wedding too.
Come come, sit sit, drink.
This Duffy,
your no-good boyfriend,
he's not making a family dinner
so he can go to a party.
It's more than a party, okay?
We're gonna be overseas for years
and he just wants
to say goodbye to his friends.
It's ridiculous.
- I think you should consider Stefano.
- (gasps)
I knew it.
- Michela!
- It's decided.
Adriana, baby,
look, come here, come here.
- Look...
- Oh, God.
It's always been you.
You've got to be kidding me.
You dated my little sister.
I know, but I've always loved you.
That's disgusting, okay?
Michela, say something!
What do you want me to say?
He doesn't want to marry me.
Okay, you know what?
This is insane.
It's not the Old Country
anymore, Papa.
Okay? I'm marrying Duffy.
Adriana, wait up.
Stefano, let her go.
You better get
to the university right away.
- I won't let you down.
- You'd better not.
Now, go say goodbye
to the girls.
Come on. Go.
(distant rock music playing)
Jesus, Stefano!
Get out!
Adriana, I just want to tell you
- I've always loved you.
- Oh, God.
- I've always loved you.
- Stefano, we're not dressed.
Get out.
I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
(giggles)
What do you see in him?
What? Marry him.
Fuck, Michela!
Shut up already.
(groans)
- (shouting, cheering)
- (rock music playing)
- (shouting, cheering)
- (rock music playing)
Last party of the year, bro.
- Yeah, bro. I hope you get laid.
- Yeah, bro. I hope I get laid too.
- Aw!
- (cheering)
# Ooh ooh ooh #
# Baby #
# I ache #
# Your soul is
so damn beautiful #
# I'm bleedin' out my eyes #
- # Let's say #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
- # One day #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
# They hit us with rocks,
we'll stand on a box #
# And show them
exactly what we found... #
(vocalizing)
You are getting
completely married tomorrow.
- Exactly.
- Thanks, brother.
Hey... Mandy?
- That's Megan.
- Whatever.
# 'Cause when you're with me #
# I get this feeling inside #
# Catch me scream
in the streets #
# "I'm alive!
I've alive!" #
# You got me all shook up
and I ain't never coming down #
- # He's my #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
- # Sunshine #
- # Ah ah ah ah #
# Baby paints
in the most glorious colors #
# You ever did see... #
(screams)
(vocalizing)
# I get around, I get around,
I get get get #
# Get around #
# One day, if I get my way #
# I'm a fixin' so our names #
- # Are gonna be the same #
- (cheering)
# Have a walk in the sun,
my only one #
# We gonna tear it up #
# Tear it up,
tear it up #
# Tear it up, tear it up #
# Tear it up,
tear it up #
# Tear it up,
baby, tear it up. #
Yeah!
- Oh!
- Looks good, buddy.
Looks good, but you know what?
It is a little normal.
- Yeah.
- Normal? What are you talking about?
Dude dude...
where's the pop-a-top spotter?
Chad:
Uh, right there.
Hey, Vincent!
What's up, Vinny!
Where are the girls at?
(guys cheering)
Good eyes, bro.
Good eyes.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- But that's still normal.
- It's normal.
- Normal? Dude, strip beer pong!
(all cheering)
Whoo!
All:
Oh!
- Normal!
- Oh my God.
You know what?
You guys... you guys are hard to impress,
but follow me,
both of you...
- Uh-huh?
...to the theme rooms.
- Theme rooms!
- Oh my!
Mac:
Theme rooms!
(man vocalizing)
(hip-hop music playing)
Gentlemen, I simply call this room...
"The Club."
- Nice.
- Wow.
Chad, it is looking
much much better.
Please save your compliments
until the end of the tour.
- Move, come on.
- I'm going.
# You know it's like fire #
# I ain't tired,
I feel wired #
# It's my desire... #
Thanks.
(sighs)
- You worried?
- No.
(sighs)
(pop music playing)
# Change your pace... #
Duffy:
Oh, that's good right there, yeah.
Show me some more of that.
Gentlemen, welcome
to my perverted palace
of "pussay."
# You stop for me,
can't hardly breathe... #
Awesome.
I'm speechless.
Yeah, sometimes
I even outdo myself.
- Hey, Kell. You in line?
- Hey.
Why not?
To get photographed by Pablo?
Kelly:
No, I'm gonna get photographed
by you, bachelor boy.
- Surprise!
- You're a bachelor.
It's your party.
Time to fuckin' party!
- Kelly: Whoo!
- Yeah! Come on, dude!
- Yeah, it's my turn.
- Wait, I'm not done, I'm not done.
- Oh, stop...
- Duffy, come on.
You're gonna shoot me.
Look. Look look look.
You're not gonna touch,
you're just gonna shoot.
- Chad: Oh my God. You've gotta...
- Shh!
No offense,
but l... I can't do that.
# So beg me... #
Um, I'm... I'm a little insulted.
I said no offense,
but if you're a little offended,
I'm sorry, Kell because...
Are you fucking kidding me?
You know what?
Screw you. Pablo!
That's your name, right?
You want to shoot me?
- Pablo: Hell yeah.
- Kelly: All right, let's go.
Bye! See you later!
Yeah, run along! Run along!
- I'm sorry.
- Kelly: Yeah, whatever.
- I love your tits.
- Kelly: Uh-huh.
- (all chattering)
- Kelly: Yeah, it's cool. Whatever.
- Give me the tiger... tiger.
- (hisses)
That's... that's the shit
I'm talking about right there, dude.
That's that shit.
# I hope this will do for me... #
Duff.
- Duff. Duffy.
- Chad.
- Duffy.
- Chad.
- (laughs)
- Duffy!
Chad, what the fuck?
Well, uh, I'm sad.
We're both sad.
- Because?
- You're getting married.
- You're getting married, bro!
- Both: You're getting married!
Married forever!
Forever married!
I know, I'm getting married.
I'm sorry.
Well, because we love you,
- we got you a present.
- A big present.
- Big present!
- I'm so jealous.
- I'm so jealous!
- It's like the best present ever.
Okay, what is it?
- Porn star!
- Porn star, bro!
- Motherfuckin' porn star!
- Porn star!
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Right there behind this door
is a real live human
fucking porn star
for you to fuck the shit out of!
- Yeah, that's a good one.
- In your room, porn star, for you, Duff.
Duffy, if there is not a porn star
in that room
when you open the door,
I will personally suck your dick.
There is no fucking way
that there is a porn star
in this Gamma House
in my room.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
Okay, well, how about this? Bam!
Duffy, right?
Duffy:
Hey. Yeah.
Hello.
Oh, God.
Mission accomplished.
It's really on, dude.
He's not going to know.
(laughing)
I know.
I need Vicodin.
You're... you're Jesse Jane.
You have really
considerate friends, Duffy.
Yeah.
You know, I don't offer myself
to a lot of people.
(pop music playing)
- You don't?
- Uh-uh.
I'm doing this
as a favor for Chad.
Yeah, I mean, porn's different,
but on the other hand,
I'm a really nice girl.
Yeah, you look like a nice girl.
I'm from a really small town.
- I'm from a small town.
- Where at?
Oklahoma.
No way, I'm from Oklahoma.
We... we actually
went to the same high school.
- We did?
- Yeah.
- Have I met you?
- No, but we brushed arms one time
like walking by.
Huh. Well,
what's it gonna be,
bachelor boy?
Um... um...
what... what do you mean?
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
You're cute.
I owe Chad a favor
and you're getting married.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
So do you want
to have sex with me?
Uh... s... yeah... sex with...
with... with... with you?
Sex with me.
Sex with... with you.
Are you hard of fucking hearing?
- (moans)
- Oh, shit.
I'm not... I'm actually
not hard of hearing.
- But you're hard.
- Yeah.
Um, this is...
this is incredible,
- I need to tell you.
- Mm, yeah.
- Oh my God.
- (moaning)
- Take you clothes off.
- My... my clothes too?
- Yeah, I want your clothes off.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- I've gotta get this button.
Come on. Oh, come on,
take your clothes off!
- Okay, yeah yeah...
- I'm horny.
Fuck me, Duffy!
Fuck me, Duffy!
- (Duffy muttering)
- (Jesse moaning)
- Jesse: Oh, God.
- Duffy: Oh, yeah.
- Okay. That's nice.
- (moaning loudly)
You know what?
You know what? L... l...
l... I can't. I can't.
I can't... I can't do this. I'm sorry.
- What?!
- It's just that...
I'm getting married tomorrow.
- So...
- What the fuck!
- It's just...
- (gasps)
I, um... you're really hot, but...
Do you know how many guys
turn me down topless?
- Three?
- None, you fuck!
Jesse, listen, um...
good Lord, you know?
- (sighs)
- I'm attracted to you.
It's... it's... I just...
Jesse:
No shit?
I really want to do you.
You know, I love my fiance.
Really? That's sweet.
But you're missing out
on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
I wish that I was a dog and that I was
still a freshman or a sophomore
or a junior
or it was beginning of senior year
because I would
fuck the living shit out of you.
But you know what?
L... I would never hurt my girlfriend.
Are you sure there's
nothing you wouldn't do?
Um... but...
Nothing at all you wouldn't wanna...
try out?
Yeah yeah, okay.
Let's stop.
Let's just stop
right here because...
I really do love her
and as much as I love
Jesse Jane,
I need to go and, uh...
She's... she's a really lucky girl.
- You think so?
- You turned me down,
so yeah, I think so.
Thank you.
I'm gonna, um...
I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
- Thanks for coming.
- And, uh...
- Thanks for not coming.
Would you sign
my fridge? Please?
- Sure.
- There's a Sharpie in that mug over there.
Okay. I will.
I'll sign you fridge.
- Can I kiss that bunny?
- You wanna kiss my bunny?
Yeah. There you go.
- I always wanted to do that.
- (giggles)
- I'm gonna get married!
- Whoo-hoo!
# I can survive #
- # Ooh #
- Hey, Duff.
- Hey. Hey hey.
- Where's your girlfriend, big boy?
- She's actually not here.
- Oh! Lucky for me then.
Yeah, no no no.
Actually, I'm getting married.
- I'm getting married tomorrow.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Shouldn't you be at the rehearsal...
Yes! L... I should.
I should be there.
So, l... I'm going right now.
Yeah, I'll meet you upstairs.
Yeah? Upstairs.
Holy God.
(cheering, shouting)
Mac!
Mac!
Come on, boy!
(smooches)
Come on!
(whistles)
Damn it!
Get over here!
Did you see me sucking face
with that hot chick?
Shh! See that guy? Him.
That dude right there
does not belong here.
Mac:
What... what?
That's Adriana's ex-boyfriend.
It's her sister's...
Duff, did you fuck her?
- No.
- No?!
- No!
- No?!
- No, dickhead!
- Dude, I would've fucked her!
- I know you would've...
- You didn't fuck Jesse Jane?
- I spent all my money on that chick.
- Way to go, bro.
By the way, Mac, the girl you're
making out with has herpes.
Anyways, follow me
(French accent)
To the sex dungeon.
Yeah, like big-time herpes.
I got it from her.
Can I go back up there with Jesse Jane
then? 'Cause it won't matter.
Duffy:
Come on.
- (industrial music playing)
- (Chad humming)
- (industrial music playing)
- (Chad humming)
Man:
Oh, wow.
Duffy-Duff, meet Jennifer,
your sex dungeon goddess.
Jesus, Chad.
L... you look so...
(grunting)
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, man!
- I can't watch.
- Damn it.
- Oh my God.
- Damn it!
You literally just made him
ejaculate in his boxer shorts.
- Mac: Oh, God!
- Clean him up.
I'm gonna do that.
- (groans)
- Sorry, Mac's always had a thing for you.
(chuckles)
Yeah.
Both: L...
- I had no idea, Jenn.
- Yeah, well, I figured
I'd never see
these guys again, so...
I'm more surprised
to see you here.
I thought you were...
I thought you were getting married.
I am, tomorrow.
You know,
you should've married me, Duff.
I mean... Kelly?
Lily? And Adriana?
Are you serious?
I am the one for you.
Um, that was like
three and a half years ago.
I know, but it's always
so good to see you.
You just gotta let it go.
Okay, look, why don't we do
a little goodbye present?
Say, a little sadomasochistic
present from me to you?
- Um...
- Come on, what do you say?
That's really sweet.
Could you do me a favor?
(stammers)
Oh, yeah, you want sex, no whipping.
(laughing)
- No sex...
- What?
...unfortunately.
Um, I need you to do me
a big favor.
- Um, okay.
- Okay, there's this guy.
- He's spying on me, all right?
- (laughs)
- Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.
It's weird, I know,
but Adriana's family...
probably her dad...
hired this guy Stefano
to come and, you know,
spy on me.
And why would
they be spying on you?
I don't know, nervous
about the wedding I guess.
(laughs)
No,
probably because you skipped out
on the rehearsal dinner.
(laughs)
How did you know about...
it's not... it's not a rehearsal dinner.
It's actually a family...
That is what it's called, Duffy.
That is what happens
the night before the wedding.
It's a rehearsal dinner.
- I'm allowed to miss it.
- No, you're not.
Would you help me out, please?
So, you want me to lure him in
and tease him
and then tie him up
so that he can't leave, right?
That's exactly what I was gonna say.
That's so weird.
- Oh!
- (whip cracks)
- Ow!
- That's exactly why I'm the one for you.
That's not the one at all.
Duffy! What the fuck?
I give you this
leather, hot piece of ass
and you talk?
Treat her like a piggy bank
and put things inside her. Look!
- Don't you see?
- There's this thing.
- Chad Chad Chad. Okay, cool.
- What?
I need you to do something for me.
I am doing something for you.
Look at this hot piece of ass.
- (giggles)
- Yeah, all right.
You guys can hook up
whenever you want to,
but for now, I need you to go
and find the Stefano guy,
bring him here
and introduce him to Jennifer.
Oh, I hate that guy.
I saw him upstairs. He's an asshole.
- Yeah.
- I was gonna say something mean,
but I'm scared of people.
Well, you know what?
Don't worry about it.
- I'll change his tune.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- So, I'll go get him
while you
kind of do things to her.
- Give me a few minutes.
- All right.
- We'll set it up.
- You know what I'm talking about?
Hey, hide your panties.
- Still wet.
- Hi, Jenn.
Uh-huh.
So, when he comes up,
I want you to just like tie him up...
- Yeah yeah yeah...
- Seduce him a little bit.
This is gonna be my plan.
We're gonna undress you.
Take it off, take it off.
Okay. So we're going
to get you undressed.
- Okay? Help me.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- I'm still...
- Do it before he gets down here.
- I want him to see you.
- That's a good idea.
- Yeah, it's gonna be perfect.
- Okay.
Because I want him to see exactly
what we're going to do to him.
- Okay.
- He has to believe it.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
- These come off too?
Yeah, everything. Shoes.
Take 'em off.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- This sounds like it...
- No, I promise. I promise.
Take your socks off,
it looks terrible.
- Duffy: Um...
- Okay. Okay, now...
this is the best part.
So, I'm going to tie him like this.
I'm going to show you, okay?
So, come stand right here. Okay?
Now, I'm gonna
put your hands in here.
- Okay.
- Like this and then we're gonna go...
(chirps)
Tighten 'em.
- Yeah.
- Go like this. Gonna pull 'em up.
- (Jennifer chirps)
- Yeah.
- This is gonna be awesome.
- 'Cause then he can't do anything.
I know, it's perfect.
And then, your other hand.
- Oh, both hands.
- Oh, yeah.
They can't be free.
Come on.
- Duffy: I get it though.
- Right? No. We have to do it.
- He has to see...
- Duffy: Be like practicing or something...
That's right.
- Back?
- Tighten that shit up.
- Ready?
- Yeah, okay.
Okay.
We can pull out our toys
and we can decide
everything we want to do to him
when he comes down here, right?
Well, l... I already know
what I want you to do...
- Like what? You tell me.
- I want you to tie him up like this.
- Uh-huh?
- And I want you to speed-bag his balls
like you're a boxer,
just boom boom boom.
- Ooh, I would love to.
- Okay.
And then maybe you can
pour some hot wax on them.
- Uh-huh.
- Maybe take that shovel off the wall
- and shove it up his anus.
- Okay.
- Not supposed to grab that.
- What, your package?
- Yeah.
- Aww.
Is Adriana gonna get so upset?
Aww, I'm so worried.
I mean...
- So, can l...
- Tell her I had it first.
Oh, I'm not gonna tell her that.
Can I get... can I get out now.
- Can you... can I get out of this though?
- No.
- I have to show him exactly...
- Oh, like... like I'm a part of it.
Right, you're... you're the display
so he knows, right?
Do I have to really be
in my underwear for this?
Oh, I could strip you down.
No, I don't want to be naked.
I thought maybe I'd wear jeans
- or something like that.
- No.
- This is way more fun.
- Oh, fun.
So, what kind of games
are you playing?
(giggles)
Hey, thanks a lot.
Oh! What's going on?
Hey. Hey.
Uh, do we... um...
do I know you?
Um, nope. I'm actually, uh...
I'm actually a foreign exchange student.
So, I don't think you know me.
- He's not from around here.
- Okay. Well, guess what?
You know what?
We throw big parties
especially for people who are,
you know, like you.
- Like this one.
- Yeah.
So, why don't you join us
in the sex dungeon?
Well, not us... not us.
We got girls.
Yeah yeah yeah,
not... not us... not us three...
- Not us in the sex dungeon.
- But a sex dungeon.
- It's like... it's like...
- We're going to take you it...
- take you to it.
- It's like the Renaissance Faire
- with chlamydia.
- Okay.
- But not all of 'em...
- Just, uh, give me one second, okay?
Okay.
L... I'll be right back.
You just wait
right here for me, okay?
Just wait right here.
Hey, who's that guy?
(Jennifer moans)
So much fun,
as I promised.
- I can't wait.
- (laughs)
Me either.
(sighs)
- Oh!
- (laughs)
Hey, Jennifer,
we have a new player!
Ooh, bring him in.
Ooh! Is this my next conquest?
(Stefano laughs)
Come over here.
You want to join in the fun?
Stefano!
What are you doing here, bro?
Duff, l... I thought
you were getting married.
Uh, tomorrow, buddy.
This is freedom.
You want to, uh,
let me tie you up?
Oh, no, I'm... I'm good. Thanks.
Oh, okay.
Come on, bro.
Just let her tie you up, dude.
It's my last night of freedom.
I mean, you've been bad, right?
- Oh yeah, I mean...
- He's been real bad.
Oh-ho! Then it'll be fun.
- Let's tie you up.
- Well, I mean, I guess I could
get tied up a little bit.
Come here.
Give me that wrist.
I always... two is always
more fun than one.
Oh, like this?
This is how you get tied up?
- Yeah.
- You know, the funny thing
- about this knot is...
- Jennifer: Is what?
Oh, Duff. Oops.
- (Jennifer laughs)
- Oh. Tie him back up.
- Whoa! What?
- Looks like you have
a little problem here, Duffy.
What the... shit...
- Jennifer: Yeah.
- Whoa!
- Fuck you, Duffy.
- Fuck me?
- Yeah.
- You don't get it, do you?
You don't get it.
Your little rich bitch...
her daddy paid him
to set you up.
Okay, this isn't funny
and you're supposed to tie his ass up.
Shh shh shh shh.
- Fuck you, Duffy.
- Whoa... fuck me?
- Yeah. Fuck you.
- W... why?
How does it make you feel?
Do you feel helpless right now?
- I feel...
- You broke my heart, you fucker.
Oh, God. Ow!
- Payback's a bitch, Duffy.
- Obviously.
You like being helpless?
Watch this.
Oh... no.
(muttering)
- Put a ball in your mouth.
- Let me get on a plane.
Can I get on a plane, please?
If I miss the flight, dude,
it's... I'm not gonna get married.
- Jennifer: What... what? Oh, bummer.
- Dude, there's one flight out.
I get married tomorrow.
Just let me get on the friggin' plane.
Oh, God...
(muttering)
- (Duffy groaning)
- Now, that's all better, isn't it?
How's that taste?
Does it taste good?
- Mm-mm.
- No, it doesn't.
- How do you like being tortured? Huh?
- Mm-mm.
I can give you
a little bit more, Duffy.
- Mm-mm.
- You deserve it.
You're a complete prick.
Now, as much as I would enjoy
staying to play with you,
because I mean,
as we can see,
you've been trying to go to the gym,
but you missed a little spot...
so, I'm going to leave you here
all by yourself to think
about things, okay?
- (groaning, muttering)
- Bye, princess.
Good.
- Bye, Duff.
- (screams)
- Later, Duffy.
- (yelling)
# Is what I said #
# But there's
a place that... #
I almost forgot.
- (screams)
- That's gotta hurt.
(dialing)
(phone ringing)
(groans, sighs)
Man:
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Man:
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Everybody out!
- (men shouting)
(folk music playing)
Whoa-ho!
(screaming)
(phone ringing)
(snoring)
(sniffs)
Mom? Mom?
Mom?
# Baby, keep you by my side #
# No use in trying... #
What a great end
to a solid four years.
I'm gonna miss this place.
I'm gonna miss girls
like you... so much.
Mac:
Hell yeah, bro.
I met some really cool people,
but you and Duffy...
I love you guys.
Bro.
- Where is Duffy?
- (Mac laughs)
Fuck. I haven't seen him in like...
holy shit, what time is it?
- Holy shit.
- Chad: Oh no, dude.
He's fucking that bitch Jennifer
in the dungeon, right?
No, she left with that foreign guy
that blew me off last night.
He was kind of cute.
You talk?
Shit! Shit!
Chad! He's gonna
miss his fucking flight!
We missed it! He's gonna miss
the whole fucking wedding, man!
We gotta get him!
Fucking shit!
- Come on, bro!
- I can't believe she talks!
(rattling)
Oh! Jeez, Duff!
What happened?
- (muttering)
- You don't know?
(grunting)
Oh!
- What happened, bro?
- (spits)
- You okay?
- Yeah, untie me! Jesus.
God. Jennifer and that
damn Stefano dude,
they were working together.
And then... and then Adriana's dad
paid him to come here
and get in my way...
Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Dude, slow down, slow down, man.
- What's going on?
- What time is it?
It's 4:00 AM
Dude, we way missed our flights.
Hey hey hey, don't worry.
- Now you don't have to get married.
- No, fuck that.
I'm not missing
my fucking wedding, dude.
- We're driving it.
- Whoa! Whoa, dude.
The drive, that's like
six hours from now.
Well, there's no more flights out, man.
What are we gonna do?
I've been up all night,
it was a crazy party last night.
Can we just like chill out
and maybe reschedule?
- We could do it next weekend.
- No.
You drive, I'll sleep. Come on.
(Mac groans)
(dialing)
(ringing)
Come on, motherfucker.
Answer the phone.
(ringing)
(rock music playing)
(grunts)
Duffy:
All right, dude.
- I think I'm gonna take a nap.
- Oh.
That's cool, man.
That's why I'm driving, you know?
Gotta make sure you
look good for the bride.
I know, a little beauty sleep.
That's good, man.
(dialing)
(phone ringing)
Duffy's voice:
Hey, this is Duffy. Leave a message.
Hey, honey, it's me.
Just calling to see where you're at.
I wanted to let you know
the dinner went really well.
And I miss you and I love you.
I can't wait to see you. Bye, baby.
(smooches)
Not answering?
He's probably still on the plane.
He should be her by now.
- (sighs)
- You worried?
- No.
- Really?
Michela, you bitch, shut up.
(chuckles)
- (hip-hop music playing)
- (people moaning)
(rock music playing)
I can't fly that slow!
# Come on, let go, so I have to show you
why I'm going, showing #
# Everybody's knowing
that it's so sad #
# It's so bad #
# I used to be #
# The one who #
# Had to #
# Criticize me #
# And it holds you... #
- (hip-hop music playing)
- (both giggling)
- (moaning)
- Oh, God.
I'm bigger than a tree.
I'm bigger than Tommy Lee.
I'm hung like a motherfucking
baby donkey.
Shh. Jesse.
(laughs)
Jesse?
- Oh, shit!
- (moaning)
Shit! Oh, no! No!
No!
(grunts)
(rock music playing)
Dude, where's...
where's my cell phone?
It's probably in the back, man.
Shit, dude.
Where's my cell phone?
Dude, check in the back.
# I stared the Devil in the face
until I went blind... #
Bro, I didn't call Adriana!
- (huffs)
- I didn't call Adriana.
Hey, it's not a big deal.
You're going to go down there
and marry her. You have the rest
of your life to fight over it.
Okay. I need your cell phone.
Dude, she can wait.
We're gonna be there in a couple hours.
She probably
thinks I'm not coming.
Mac:
Of course, you're coming. It's ridiculous.
- Just give me your cell phone.
- I can't let you use my cell phone.
I'm over on weekend minutes. My mom's
gonna kill me if I use them up again.
Adriana's gonna kill me
and I'm gonna kill you.
- Just let me use your cell phone.
- Dang it, Duff.
Just try and make it quick.
No lovey-dovey smooshy crap.
Duffy:
Give me that phone, man.
# Here we go again... #
There's... there's no bars.
- There's no bars, dude!
- Shake it.
I'm not... shake... what?
Shake the phone,
sometimes the bars come in.
The antenna's a little weary.
- (grunting)
- Now check.
No bars, dude.
Drive... drive this... here.
- Hold on.
- I'm just trying to...
just try to like...
- Drive!
- I'm driving!
Duffy:
Mac, your phone is dead.
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping)
(whirring)
(dialing)
(sighs)
Come on.
(sighs)
Michela:
No answer?
Shit, Micky.
What am I gonna do?
Sorry.
Maybe he's still on the plane.
(sighs)
He'll make it. His phone battery
probably just died.
Oh, God.
You don't understand, okay?
The phone is ringing,
he's just not answering.
I'm sorry.
He'll make it.
Oh, shit, Micky.
What am I gonna do?
He'll make it.
(bells tolling)
Adriana:
Shit!
Shit.
(crying)
He's not answering.
I'm sorry.
What am I going to do?
Marry Stefano.
- Are you kidding me?
- Just do it.
Papa wants you to.
You love him.
Adriana, Stefano
will never marry me.
This is insane.
Do it! Everyone is coming.
Duffy... he didn't show up.
He blew you off.
If you show up with Stefano,
people will embrace it.
You know they will.
They want you to marry him.
What about his family
and friends coming to the wedding?
- His parents...
- How many of his friends are coming?
- How many?
- I don't know, like 10 maybe.
Oh, okay. And how many
are coming for you?
- Do it.
- Oh, God.
Do it!
(screams)
No! You know what?
- I'm just calling it off.
- Are you kidding?
- No.
- You can't call it off.
You cannot call it off.
Papa will kill you.
(rock music playing)
# Something in your eyes #
# Tonight #
# Something that says #
# You'll give it away #
# You don't need any reasons... #
Dude, it was right there, man.
(laughing)
We did it.
- (laughs)
- We made it, bro.
So stoked.
Dude, that beast is nice.
Duffy:
Who needs a red-eye flight?
Hey, do you have any mouthwash?
Uh, no. Why?
You're good, right?
My mouth tastes like
a used sporting goods store.
It's probably 'cause you had that Chinese
ball-gag in your mouth all night.
- That's a good point.
- You always were a slow dresser, man.
Don't hold us up.
This is your wedding.
You were always
a fast undresser, buddy.
Dude, you been working out?
Those pecs are looking really ripe.
Thanks, bro.
- (buckle jangling)
- Was I snoring?
I don't know.
I was asleep too.
- What?!
- I mean, uh, yeah. You were really loud.
- I turned the radio up.
- You didn't wear your contacts today?
I mean, I'm driving.
Why would I wear contacts?
- Exactly.
- Then I've gotta see better.
Dude, those bridesmaids
better be gorgeous.
I heard Italian chicks
suck good dick.
Well, they're all rich.
They're good cooks
and they have fat asses.
I should be the one getting
married anyway. Look at me.
I look better than you in that.
Come here.
Do ya? Yeah, straighten
that up a little bit.
- Okay.
- Eyebrows?
- Fix my eyebrows up.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, that looks good.
Don't you think?
(choir vocalizing)
(Adriana sniffling)
(grunts)
(crying)
(rock music playing)
# I've been coming #
# I've been coming after you #
# You got me coming out #
# You got me coming
right after you #
# Uh-oh, uh-oh... #
Shit. Come on.
Adriana!
- God damn it.
- Father: Adriana!
- Adriana.
- Stop calling him.
I don't understand it.
It just keeps ringing.
- What are you going to do?
- I don't know.
- Tell him. Tell him.
- No! No!
Papa, everything's going to be okay.
Duffy's on his way.
There's just something
wrong with his phone.
- He dumped you.
- No, Michela. Okay?
No, Papa. He's on his way, okay?
He'll be here.
Marry Stefano, my love.
- Adriana: No, Papa!
- Just do it, Adriana.
You know you like him.
- Go ahead and marry him.
- Adriana, listen to your sister.
He's here.
He wants to speak to you.
Papa, Jesus.
- Adriana.
- Hello, Stefano.
Look, I'm here for you.
Mm, thank you,
but I don't need you.
Duffy's coming, okay?
Well, I'll wait until
the very last minute.
I'm dressed and ready
to be your husband,
so if you decide
you want to marry me today,
I'd be honored to do so.
(gasps)
Thanks, um,
I really appreciate it,
but that's just not necessary
because Duffy's on his way.
- Well, I'm here for you.
- Mm.
Adriana, you should
consider Stefano's offer.
He's a good man.
He'll be a good husband.
Duffy, he doesn't show up
at the wedding.
He's not here
and we're ready, so...
No, Papa.
He's coming.
- I hope so.
- Yeah.
I hope so,
but Stefano is here
and we're ready.
It's time. It's time.
L... I think he'll be good
for the family,
good for the company,
he'll be a good husband for you
and I approve of him.
- I approve of him.
- Yeah.
I know.
I know, Papa.
(sighs)
(grunting)
- I hate you, Duffy!
- (laughing)
- (chattering)
- Shut up!
I can't believe it.
I'm so nervous. I'm not nervous.
Shh. You look great, man.
Dude, you are getting married.
I'm so proud of you, man.
I know I gave you a hard time for this,
but you're doing
the right thing, man.
- Think she'll forgive me?
- Does she love you?
- She loves me.
- Than she'll forgive you.
Go make a wife out of her, man.
(laughs)
(silent)
(murmuring)
Great job there, son.
We want to thank you
for inviting us to your wedding.
You are welcome.
How was it?
Duffy, you really screwed
the pooch on this one, honey.
Okay, Mom, it was not my fault.
- Well...
- Son... son, listen.
We're gonna go
down to the city
and we're gonna find ourselves
a nice show to go to
and then we're going
to find a nice little bar
- where we can get stinking drunk.
- That's for sure.
And then we're going to go back
to our nice little hotel room and pass out.
Tomorrow morning,
we may be a little hung-over,
but we're going to go
to a nice breakfast
and then we're going
to maybe go shopping.
- Maybe.
- And then we are going to leave.
So, if you'd like to come
out to the house some time
and tell us what this was all about,
that'd be great
because right now,
we are just flat batshit confused.
Oh, you just really
screwed things up here, honey.
You really screwed the pooch
and I am really pissed at you.
- I am really pissed at you, Duffy...
- He knows, honey.
(mother stammering)
I'll... I'll email you.
Michela, what happened?
Duffy, you screwed up my life.
Hi, Duffy.
Hi, Beverly.
(rock music playing)
(rock music playing)
Kelly:
I love you so much, Duffy.
Thanks so much for this vacation.
It's amazing.
You are so welcome.
Thanks for coming.
Hey, um...
I'm sorry about your wedding.
But it all turned out
for the best, right?
(sighs)
Definitely did.
Let's just, uh...
let's relax, okay?
I mean...
I'm better than that stupid
foreign rich bitch, anyway.
So much better.
We've always had fun,
haven't we, Duffy?
More fun than I can handle.
And our sex is amazing.
Actually, yeah, it's...
it's the best I've ever had.
- (laughs)
- You like that? It's so...
Are you hungry?
Um... yeah.
- Okay.
- Let's go eat.
Good.
(rock music playing)
# I've got a Cisco feeling #
# I've got a summer feeling... #
Hey Duffy, didn't you say you used
to come here with Adriana all the time?
Yeah, it was our favorite place.
- How was that?
- Man: It was good, it was good.
- You want some?
- Mm-mm.
- No? Baby.
- Adriana: Mm-mm.
Hey.
(gasps)
Duff.
- What happened?
- Hey, it's Princess Charming.
Duffy, come on, let's go.
Let's not make a scene, okay?
Hey, princess,
can you go tickle your toes
down to the beach?
Shut your face, Stefano.
No one... no one wants you here
in the first place, okay?
- Adriana: Okay...
- No, listen. This guy,
he locked me up in the frat house.
I couldn't make the plane
- to get to the wedding.
- You know what? I don't want to hear it.
Okay? It's too late.
- He locked me up.
- Oh, yeah?
He locked you up?
You know what? He told me everything.
Okay? He locked you
in a sex dungeon...
the sex dungeon
that you were already in.
No, it wasn't...
it wasn't a sex dungeon.
- Okay, explain. Do. Please.
- It was a frat house...
- sex dungeon, but it...
- And who was there, hmm?
A lot of people like this guy.
And who else, hmm?
Who else was there, huh?
Like maybe who
you're with right now?
Huh? You're so predictable, Duffy.
Give me a break.
Oh, excuse me for a second.
Hey, Kell. What's up?
Hey, Adriana.
Always a pleasure.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, princess, I think it's time
for you two to go home.
Why do you keep
calling me "princess"?
Stefano: Why? 'Cause you came out
of the womb as a woman, that's why.
- That's 'cause you have a crush on me.
- Stefano: Why don't you guys
- go to the beach and braid your hair?
- Why don't you go wax your chest again?
You're lucky I'm...
you're a short little tiny man.
'Cause if you weren't, I would come over
there and punch you in your nipple.
- Father: Boys! Boys!
- (all chattering)
Adriana:
Just stop it now. Enough.
This guy?
Adriana, I love you.
Duff, come on. Stop.
It's too late. All right?
Duffy, you're an asshole.
(chuckling)
It's always been you, Adriana.
I love you.
- I love you.
- You know what, Duffy?
Screw you.
You're a dick.
What are you looking at?
Just go run after Kelly, okay?
Just go, all right?
You know what?
I'm... not in love
with you anymore.
Wow.
(soft rock music playing)
Fuck!
Hey.
# As the moments passed us by #
# Somewhere along the way #
# We lost sight #
# Of the important things in life #
# Like time #
# And "I love yous" #
# Seem to settle #
# Around goodbyes #
# So what were you
supposed to be #
# When you grew up? #
# As your life in scenes,
it flashes #
# Right before your eyes #
# 'Cause there are #
# No heroes #
# And this is your life #
# This is what's wrong #
# You're the big fish #
# In the small pond #
# And this is your world #
# It's where you belong #
# Inside, you are hollow #
# The damage is done #
# And this is your world #
# Before we fade away #
# Before we fade away... #
- (chatting)
- Father: That's a good thing.
- Stefano: It is.
- Stefano?
- Yeah?
- Let me go talk to Duffy.
What?
I'll be fine, okay?
I just want to,
I don't know, talk to him
and help him get
back together with Kelly
and just tell him
it's over for good.
- I mean, look at him.
- Okay.
He's just sitting there all by himself.
I feel so bad, you know?
Why don't you go over there and tell
that little princess that it's over, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hey, Adriana,
do you know how long
it's gonna be?
I'm just gonna go talk to him
and get him back with Kell,
so give me
a couple hours at least.
Father:
Adriana, you make him understand
it's over for good.
You set him straight.
- Okay.
- Father: Okay. Ciao.
(soft rock music playing)
# The damage is done #
# And this is your world #
# Before we fade away... #
- Hey.
- # Before we fade away... #
Would you please
just tell me what happened?
You screwed me over real bad,
that's what happened.
I didn't want to.
- (gasps)
- Okay? I wanted... I want to marry you.
But there were all these
problems at the party.
There was like rooms
and handcuffs and...
and there was the plane
and the car...
- Jesse Jane...
- What?!
I don't want to hear
about this, okay?
No. It doesn't matter anymore.
It's over.
Over?
But I love you.
Does that not mean anything to you?
(groans)
You need to go find Kelly.
Where did she go, anyway?
I don't care, all right?
Don't you think it's fate
that we're both here
at the same time?
Come on! I'm here
because my family comes here.
Remember? That's why
we used to come here... my family.
Remember? You were
going to be a part of my family?
Are you kidding me?
- (gasps)
- Okay, what are we gonna do?
Go our separate ways.
That's retarded.
Come on, seriously?
- Fine.
- (folk music playing)
- What?
- Fine. Fine.
You know what?
Just go back with your...
- your... your stupid husband.
- Duffy, wait, okay?
No, I'm not waiting anymore.
You go back to your family
and your... your life...
- your... your family.
- No no no.
Duffy, wait!
Damn it, Duffy!
# I know I've been
missing you #
# But I know
I will see you through #
# And all these things
that I can't say #
# I know they'll be
brought up one day #
# And now the pavement's
cold and wet #
# And I #
# I see these changes #
# But then I soon forget #
# Boy #
# I'm missing you. #
Stefano:
I like when you ride that wild wave.
- Michela: Yeah!
- Stefano: Who's the thunder
from down under?
Who is it? That's me.
- Michela: Take it! Take it!
- Stefano: Yeah! Yeah! Yes!
- Sweat on me!
- Take it!
- Stefano: I'm taking it.
- Yeah, you like that?
- Who's the dirty sister, huh?
- You like that?
- Who's that dirty sister?
- Take it!
(Stefano and Michela yelling)
- Take it! Take that.
- You dirty sister!
- Who's the dirty sister?
- I'm the dirty...
- Oh my fucking God!
- Oh my God.
- Adriana, you said two hours!
- Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
- It's been 10 fucking minutes.
- Oh my fucking...
- No no no no no...
- Are you fucking kidding me?!
- Dirty fucking whore!
- Chill chill chill chill!
- Are you fucking kidding me?!
- Chill. Chill, it's okay!
Stefano! What the fuck
is wrong with you?!
- What... oh, my God...
- Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
- Whoa. Chill. Chill. Chill...
- Are you kidding me?!
Don't you fucking touch me!
Are you kidding me?
You stupid... are you
fucking kidding me, Michela?
- Really? Really?
- Adriana, I'm sorry.
How could you do this to me?!
(shrieks)
Do it!
(screams)
- Stefano: Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
- What am I gonna do now?
Oh my God!
What am I gonna do?
Oh, God. What am I gonna do now?
Michela:
Adriana.
- What the fuck?
- Hey.
What the... don't you
fucking talk to me!
Get the fuck away from me,
you fucking asshole!
Okay.
You fucking fucking bitch.
- I'm sorry?
- Adriana...
Don't! I don't want
to hear another word.
- I didn't... l... I love you!
- (door slams)
(rock music playing)
# I've gone and wasted #
# All those precious years #
# I lacked the courage #
# And ran away #
# With all my fears #
# I went and waited #
# My heart was
so weighed down #
# I wasn't half the man #
# To show you love #
# But that's all different now #
# I've been waiting #
# For this moment all my life #
# And now's the chance
to go and do things right #
# Look in my eyes #
# Surprise me. #
Duffy, you fuck.
I know.
You shouldn't have gone
to that fucking frat party.
No shit.
You love me?
- Of course I do.
- Yeah?
- You want to marry me?
- More than anything in the world...
but you're still married.
Oh, yeah?
Not for long.
# I've been waiting #
# For this moment all my life #
# And now's the chance
to go and do things right #
# Look in my eyes #
# Surprise me #
# Surprise surprise #
# And what I discovered #
# When I looked
back at it all #
# With the touch of your hand #
# I'm home. #
ripped by looxlike