Freak Orlando (1981) Movie Script
1
"LITTLE THEATER OF THE WORLD"
IN FIVE EPISODES,
AS TOLD BY
ULRIKE OTTINGER
FREAK CITY
CLEARANCE SALE OF MYTHS
These mythological sandals don't fit.
They're of no use.
Go ahead!
Citizens of Freak City!
As part of our special
Mythological Action Week
we would like to give you once again
a very special treat.
Economical specials, wrapped in myths...
await you at every counter
on every floor.
However, our main attraction
is located in the Heel Bar
on the third floor...
where the goddess of international radio,
screen and stage fame,
Orlando Cyclopa,
will personally stamp your sandals
with the mythological seal of quality.
It is forbidden to dream here,
Miss Mller!
Yes, Mr Zeus.
You've ruined my shoes.
Are those your work clothes?
Your myths are a fraud.
Who are you anyway?
Are you part of the Sales Week?
What the fuck is going on here?
Do you get commission on myths
in this clearance sale?
- Are you a goddess?
- What's this all about?
- Is this your idea of fun?
- Which brand do you represent?
- Do you believe in private property?
- As a goddess, do you believe in God?
Why are you doing this?
What are you doing
with that hammer in our store?
Do you at least believe
in my plastic bag?
Fired without notice.
No, no!
THE HEEL BAR
MYTHOLOGICAL SALES WEEK
In ancient China, it was the custom...
to put thorn apple seeds in beer,
to make it more intoxicating.
In Germany, henbane seed was used.
In fact, we read
of "the frequent cultivation
of henbane in Central Europe."
Signs of this still survive...
in many place names in Germany...
and also in Holland and Bohemia.
There is no doubt
that this widespread crop
was used only to strengthen beer.
Only by means of strict
police ordinances did the state
gradually succeed
in abolishing henbane beer.
In Central Franconia as early as 1507
brewers were forbidden to use
henbane and other
"substances that make people crazed."
The Bavarian police ordinance
of 1649 threatened:
"Anyone who adulterates beer
"with other herbs and seeds,
henbane in particular,
"as well as anyone selling such herbs,
shall be punished severely."
Two American scientists, Dr Moses
and Dr Lloyd, of New York University,
have found, after many years' research,
that a broken heart can cause highly
emotional women to develop beards.
Reports of bearded women in history
are relatively frequent.
Earlier, such phenomena tended
to be seen as punishment for sins.
Famous bearded women,
apart from saints like St Wilgeforte...
include Rusinowska,
who was executed in Poland in 1505...
- Something's burning...- ...for her part in an uprising,
and Magdaleine Ventura
from the Abruzzi,
who Ribera, the Spanish artist,
painted with her husband and child,
and made famous around the world.
You've changed.
That isn't good.
Henbane in honey-beer!
Sweet dreams... have no fear!
His talents have made our town rich.
Indeed.
- He's brought us a lot of money.
- Indeed.
We can't complain.
Indeed.
An amazing phenomenon.
What's that?
- A stylite.
- Yes, a saint on a pillar.
Look! He's moving!
No, he's never moved.
Yes, he has.
My grandfather saw him climb the pillar.
That must have been
over a hundred years ago.
He's opening his eyes!
I don't see anything.
It's you I've been waiting for
all these years.
You are the one chosen
to take my place.
He never moved.
He never opened his eyes.
He never spoke.
Now everything will be different.
On the crest of the hill
we can see the frenzied procession.
It reaches a furious crescendo
as it reaches the saint.
The pilgrims are young men
from Freak City, famous around the world
for its sin and decadence,
who come here once a year to atone
for their sins in a procession
of ecstatic convulsions.
On reaching the pedestal they kiss it
reverently, and stay there for hours
in worship and meditation.
Then they dance and play for days,
and spend a lot of money,
bringing even the upright citizens
to overlook their debauchery.
The pilgrims are approaching quickly,
reaching a holy ecstasy,
their black leather costumes,
chains and bridles, can clearly be seen.
You are to be his successor.
He said so himself.
A sacred summons.
It's an honor.
A sacrilege to refuse.
We could give you money.
- A lot of money.
- We are rich.
Very rich.
The flagellants will be here soon.
I can already hear them.
For a year...
No!
For a month...
No.
For a week...
No.
For a day...
No!
She won't do it.
She'll have to.
She was to succeed him.
She didn't want to.
It's her fault!
It's your fault!
Repent, there is still time
to mend your ways.
Our wells are poisoned.
The drinking water is a danger
for our babies.
The lazar-houses are overcrowded.
The psychiatric institutes
are overpacked.
Witches poison your honey-beer...
making you lame and deformed.
81 drug victims in Berlin.
The innermost depths open to swallow you!
Phyllis looks for nuclear leaks
with a divining rod:
"British housewife Phyllis White,
reputed to have psychic powers,
"has been called upon by Hinkley Point
nuclear power plant
"to detect possible leaks
in the nuclear core."
Denounce her! Catch her!
Hand her over to the Holy Tribunal!
Lead dust turns cabbages yellow.
Practitioners of the black arts
have always met in your mother's kitchen.
Haven for heretics
and the fairground's corruption
and the deviant sciences...
The Hammer of Witches will smite you!
Nuclear waste - endless nightmare!
Can only such evil omens awaken you,
such miscarriages?
A miraculous birth!
Hell shall devour your wretched body!
Satan's brood! Abomination! Monster!
A miraculous child!
Once upon a time...
and it was a very good time...
but it wasn't my time, or your time...
or anybody else's time.
According to the priests and scholars...
it has two souls.
I've seen the two heads quarrel.
It is also said that two heads enjoy
common feeling in their entrails.
However, one head goes on laughing
when you pinch the other
or pull its curls,
if you can call them curls.
Isn't that so,
double-headed nightingale?
Sing The Apocalypse for us!
The Apocalypse...
The Day of Judgement will approach
with great signs.
The Earth will stream forth sweat
- and tremble with fear,
- and tremble with fear.
There will be a great earthquake,
and rocks will cleave in two,
towers will tumble,
mountains with crumble,
hills and plains will be made one.
A great fire will descend from Heaven,
oceans, rivers and springs will burn,
the fish will scream in anguish,
and the sun will darken and change.
Go away! Away! Go away!
Don't touch her.
BECAUSE SHE TALKED
Because you spoke.
I went through a forest...
without any wood.
Through a stream...
without any water.
Through a town...
without any houses.
SACRED SALES WEEK
The Christian King speaks
to his daughter Wilgeforte:
"I beg you for reasons of State
to marry the Satrap, potentate,
"who is so powerful over the sea,
"or you no longer my daughter will be."
"But Father,"
says his daughter in despair,
"how can I enter this heathen's lair?
"How can my father be so unfair?"
"Enough, enough, you must obey!
Enough, enough, you must obey!"
"But Father, Father, can't you see
"the noble from Florence will marry me."
"Guards!
"Palace Guards!
"The Italian gigolo must be found,
"he'll play his mandolin underground,
"in the deepest dungeon
where nobody cares,
"and he can't disturb my state affairs.
"In three weeks the wedding will be:
"until then Wilgeforte will not be free."
"I sit in my bower, alone,
"the hairs on my cheeks have grown,
"until, day by day, a beard I display."
With the heathen, face to face,
Wilgeforte in her disgrace,
there was no beauty in her beard;
in wild panic the heathen disappeared.
"My daughter, a bearded lady;
this shame I cannot bear!
"The bridegroom will his wealth
no longer with us share.
"To punish you for this loss,
I shall nail you to a cross!"
With her was her nurse,
standing close nearby,
combing her long hair,
and serving Martini Dry.
"Hallelujah, hallelujah,"
sang the Church, without delay.
"Hallelujah, hallelujah,"
and crowned St Wilgeforte that day.
Go ahead! Go ahead!
Yes, Mr Zeus.
As part of our special
Sacred Sales Week,
we're offering a wide range
of diverse devotional equipment:
whips, with or without metal tips,
leather, rubber and plastic masks,
with or without mouths,
and chains in every style, to suit
even the most demanding customers.
SACRED SALES WEEK BARGAINS
Voyages through time,
with the adventure extras,
at no extra cost.
Attention please!
All time travelers...
are requested to board now.
Attention please!
Now!
Miss Mller, please!
PAINTING IN A FLASH!
You're hired.
Halt! In the name of the Holy Tribunal!
Because she knew how to make rats!
Galileo Galilei.
Francesco Goya.
Rosa Luxemburg.
Walter Benjamin.
Else Lasker-Schler.
Arnold Schnberg.
Carl Einstein.
Siegfried Kracauer.
PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL
Castor - Pollux... sit!
They love Bayonne ham.
How they're fond of it.
It calms them.
- Until next time, Mr Orlando.
- I hope not, Mr Zeus.
Still, give my regards to
the Protectress of the winged sandals.
Cerberus must have a day off today.
Yes, well why not?
THE MOST SENSATIONAL SIDESHOW
OF ALL TIMES!
Mr Orlando, Mr Orlando,
don't look back after old shades.
Don't turn round, don't ever go back.
Mr Orlando, Mr Orlando,
come with us, come, come!
Behave yourselves!
I'll take the right side, you the left.
I want the right side, too.
Mr Orlando, you're one of us.
Please feel at home -
try to forget that you had to hide.
I'm sure that you'll soon be
one of our biggest attractions.
Remember... that counts here.
You're shy.
You're shy?
Hey! Stop it.
Don't drink, Leni. That's enough.
I'm Lena. That's Leni.
To Mr Orlando!
To Mr Orlando!
Mr Orlando!
Mr Orlando!
Don't look back after old shades.
Don't turn round, don't ever go back.
Mr Orlando!
Mr Orlando! Come with us, come, come!
My amazing strength,
which I'm honored to demonstrate,
will astound but not frighten you.
She's drunk.
Miss Lena,
I want to tell you something...
Sit up, Leni!
I've never been in a situation
like this before, but...
You see, Miss Lena...
I think...
Oh, Leni...
That's all I've got...
You haven't got one for me?
Unfortunately...
Unfortunately?
Too bad...
Oh no, stop drinking...
I've had enough...
it makes me sick...
I'm an alcoholic because of you!
But I don't want to sleep all day
like a drunkard!
But stop drinking...
I don't want any more...
Go away, I want to sleep!
I want to lie down!
I don't want to spend my life in bed!
I've got a husband and a child...
I want to live a normal life...
Stay with me...
Leave me alone...
No, stop drinking!
It makes me sick.
It hurts my liver.
I have a family! I'm not an alcoholic,
I want to lead a normal life!
Lena! Lena, what's wrong now?
You've woken the child.
Oh sir, I'm alone,
I feel lonely and depressed.
Lena, come with me for a minute.
No! No!
Oh Leni, I can't live with you!
Or without me...
Or without you.
That's enough! I want to sleep...
Drunkard...
I've never left you.
- But I drink...
- Stop it...
for the love of God, stop,
I can't stand it... stop drinking!
What, stop drinking?
Now the baby, Orlando, no, no...
it's impossible...
I don't want you to stay or to go...
I want you to stay with me...
Orlando is a monster.
I've never abandoned you...
Can't you stop that,
even for a minute?
Our child can't sleep!
Keep quiet for once!
You're so evil.
All you can do is destroy and poison!
Just leave us alone!
An abortion!
This baby will be like Orlando...
a monster... a monstrosity...
Orlando, I'm dying!
It can't be any other way,
it has to be.
According to ancient custom?
Yes, according to ancient custom.
No, no!
Mrs Gorgo!
Mrs Gorgo!
Mrs Gorgo!
Yes.
Is it happening all over again?
Yes.
- Does it have to be?
- Yes, it has to.
Mr Orlando!
The last Tribunal
was three hundred years ago.
He's going in now.
Poor Mr Orlando.
Ladies and gentlemen, we present,
for your pleasure, the renowned troupe...
The Freak Orlandos!
With our hostess, Madam Orlando...
and Bunnies Helena...
Jackie,
Jill,
and Vivienne.
Calypso!
Tonight we're celebrating the centenary
of the Festival of Ugliness,
which prompts us to extend to you
a very warm welcome,
and invite you all once again
to participate
in our contest to choose
the Ugliest Person of the Year.
I know,
many of you have been preparing
your numbers for months...
in the hope of winning first prize.
But only one person can win
the coveted trophy.
May I briefly explain the marking system,
chosen by the Festival Committee
as a variation of a color test.
The small flags held by the gentlemen
of the Jury
all experienced members
of national and local government -
have the following meanings:
Yellow...
freedom, order, security...
My motto is: save, save, save,
no matter what it costs...
- The wage-price spiral.
- No, the currency snake!
- The market was bullish...
- Now it's bearish...
Please, gentlemen: Yellow!
Good. Yellow:
Honorable Mention for participation.
Blue:
talented...
but not yet fully mature.
Red:
the winner!
I should also point out
that all unsuccessful entrants
will automatically be entered
for the next competition.
I see the first competitors are ready.
Gentlemen, please!
Our first entrant will perform
The Crutch Dance.
Music, please!
A harsh verdict from the Jury.
Well, gentlemen,
not all hopes can be fulfilled.
But I can already see the next competitor.
Let's go on! Thank you!
Our next number: MANIA!
Please go ahead! Be brave!
Are the bongos ready? Yes?
Well, let's go!
The next number is based on
an idea I find highly original...
GRIMACES!
Cut the bongos please!
Well, that was a fine show of talent,
thank you.
Our next number: GRACES!
"For beauty is nothing
but the beginning of terror ..."
"That we're still just able to bear."
- "Every angel is terrifying."
- So are we.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I am delighted
to be able to announce
a very special surprise...
Where are the toilets?
Over there, but you're interrupting...
Because, we have...
Ladies and gentlemen!
The Jury...
The Jury has reached a decision.
May I present tonight's winner. Mr...
What was your name again?
- My name is Herbert Zeus.
- Yes! Mr Zeus, congratulations!
May I present you with this trophy
on behalf of the Festival Committee.
Thank you.
"In the land of the lame,
limping is the custom."
And what brought you here, Mr Zeus?
I'm a salesman and was passing through.
- What do you sell?
- Psychopharmaceuticals.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
today has indeed been full of surprises.
An absolute outsider has won first prize.
But our party isn't over yet.
Many more attractions are still to come.
And of course
we want to dance until dawn.
Here in Piobbico,
near Pesaro and the Adriatic,
the Society of Ugly People is
celebrating its 102nd anniversary.
Posters of the world's prominent
ugly people cover the walls...
among them are many politicians.
The highlight of the festivities:
the Ugliest Person of the Year contest.
The winner:
49-year-old miner Lorenzo Blasi.
The Society of Ugly People
dates back to the year 1879,
when there was great concern
about the large number of
ugly unmarried women in the area.
The Society was founded to encourage
marriages between these ugly people...
in keeping with the old Italian saying:
"mal comune, mezzo gaudio,"
that is, a pain shared
is almost half a pleasure.
As part of these celebrations
there was a lively debate between
theologists, doctors, and psychologists.
These experts concluded that
the ugly person is the better person,
since he has to struggle
far more for success,
not only among his fellow men,
but also at his place of work.
The cock crows,
day breaks,
and my story has reached its end.
ORLANDO AS A PILGRIM, ORLANDO CYCLOPA,
ORLANDO ORLANDA, ORLANDO CAPRICCIO,
MR ORLANDO, THE HOSTESS MADAM ORLANDO:
MAGDALENA MONTEZUMA.
HELENA MLLER AS GODDESS
OF THE TREE OF LIFE,
ANNOUNCER IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE,
MOTHER OF THE MIRACULOUS CHILD,
HELENA-MAYA, SIAMESE TWIN LENA,
BUNNY HELENA: DELPHINE SEYRIG.
DIRECTION, SCENARIO AND CAMERA:
ULRIKE OTTINGER
"LITTLE THEATER OF THE WORLD"
IN FIVE EPISODES,
AS TOLD BY
ULRIKE OTTINGER
FREAK CITY
CLEARANCE SALE OF MYTHS
These mythological sandals don't fit.
They're of no use.
Go ahead!
Citizens of Freak City!
As part of our special
Mythological Action Week
we would like to give you once again
a very special treat.
Economical specials, wrapped in myths...
await you at every counter
on every floor.
However, our main attraction
is located in the Heel Bar
on the third floor...
where the goddess of international radio,
screen and stage fame,
Orlando Cyclopa,
will personally stamp your sandals
with the mythological seal of quality.
It is forbidden to dream here,
Miss Mller!
Yes, Mr Zeus.
You've ruined my shoes.
Are those your work clothes?
Your myths are a fraud.
Who are you anyway?
Are you part of the Sales Week?
What the fuck is going on here?
Do you get commission on myths
in this clearance sale?
- Are you a goddess?
- What's this all about?
- Is this your idea of fun?
- Which brand do you represent?
- Do you believe in private property?
- As a goddess, do you believe in God?
Why are you doing this?
What are you doing
with that hammer in our store?
Do you at least believe
in my plastic bag?
Fired without notice.
No, no!
THE HEEL BAR
MYTHOLOGICAL SALES WEEK
In ancient China, it was the custom...
to put thorn apple seeds in beer,
to make it more intoxicating.
In Germany, henbane seed was used.
In fact, we read
of "the frequent cultivation
of henbane in Central Europe."
Signs of this still survive...
in many place names in Germany...
and also in Holland and Bohemia.
There is no doubt
that this widespread crop
was used only to strengthen beer.
Only by means of strict
police ordinances did the state
gradually succeed
in abolishing henbane beer.
In Central Franconia as early as 1507
brewers were forbidden to use
henbane and other
"substances that make people crazed."
The Bavarian police ordinance
of 1649 threatened:
"Anyone who adulterates beer
"with other herbs and seeds,
henbane in particular,
"as well as anyone selling such herbs,
shall be punished severely."
Two American scientists, Dr Moses
and Dr Lloyd, of New York University,
have found, after many years' research,
that a broken heart can cause highly
emotional women to develop beards.
Reports of bearded women in history
are relatively frequent.
Earlier, such phenomena tended
to be seen as punishment for sins.
Famous bearded women,
apart from saints like St Wilgeforte...
include Rusinowska,
who was executed in Poland in 1505...
- Something's burning...- ...for her part in an uprising,
and Magdaleine Ventura
from the Abruzzi,
who Ribera, the Spanish artist,
painted with her husband and child,
and made famous around the world.
You've changed.
That isn't good.
Henbane in honey-beer!
Sweet dreams... have no fear!
His talents have made our town rich.
Indeed.
- He's brought us a lot of money.
- Indeed.
We can't complain.
Indeed.
An amazing phenomenon.
What's that?
- A stylite.
- Yes, a saint on a pillar.
Look! He's moving!
No, he's never moved.
Yes, he has.
My grandfather saw him climb the pillar.
That must have been
over a hundred years ago.
He's opening his eyes!
I don't see anything.
It's you I've been waiting for
all these years.
You are the one chosen
to take my place.
He never moved.
He never opened his eyes.
He never spoke.
Now everything will be different.
On the crest of the hill
we can see the frenzied procession.
It reaches a furious crescendo
as it reaches the saint.
The pilgrims are young men
from Freak City, famous around the world
for its sin and decadence,
who come here once a year to atone
for their sins in a procession
of ecstatic convulsions.
On reaching the pedestal they kiss it
reverently, and stay there for hours
in worship and meditation.
Then they dance and play for days,
and spend a lot of money,
bringing even the upright citizens
to overlook their debauchery.
The pilgrims are approaching quickly,
reaching a holy ecstasy,
their black leather costumes,
chains and bridles, can clearly be seen.
You are to be his successor.
He said so himself.
A sacred summons.
It's an honor.
A sacrilege to refuse.
We could give you money.
- A lot of money.
- We are rich.
Very rich.
The flagellants will be here soon.
I can already hear them.
For a year...
No!
For a month...
No.
For a week...
No.
For a day...
No!
She won't do it.
She'll have to.
She was to succeed him.
She didn't want to.
It's her fault!
It's your fault!
Repent, there is still time
to mend your ways.
Our wells are poisoned.
The drinking water is a danger
for our babies.
The lazar-houses are overcrowded.
The psychiatric institutes
are overpacked.
Witches poison your honey-beer...
making you lame and deformed.
81 drug victims in Berlin.
The innermost depths open to swallow you!
Phyllis looks for nuclear leaks
with a divining rod:
"British housewife Phyllis White,
reputed to have psychic powers,
"has been called upon by Hinkley Point
nuclear power plant
"to detect possible leaks
in the nuclear core."
Denounce her! Catch her!
Hand her over to the Holy Tribunal!
Lead dust turns cabbages yellow.
Practitioners of the black arts
have always met in your mother's kitchen.
Haven for heretics
and the fairground's corruption
and the deviant sciences...
The Hammer of Witches will smite you!
Nuclear waste - endless nightmare!
Can only such evil omens awaken you,
such miscarriages?
A miraculous birth!
Hell shall devour your wretched body!
Satan's brood! Abomination! Monster!
A miraculous child!
Once upon a time...
and it was a very good time...
but it wasn't my time, or your time...
or anybody else's time.
According to the priests and scholars...
it has two souls.
I've seen the two heads quarrel.
It is also said that two heads enjoy
common feeling in their entrails.
However, one head goes on laughing
when you pinch the other
or pull its curls,
if you can call them curls.
Isn't that so,
double-headed nightingale?
Sing The Apocalypse for us!
The Apocalypse...
The Day of Judgement will approach
with great signs.
The Earth will stream forth sweat
- and tremble with fear,
- and tremble with fear.
There will be a great earthquake,
and rocks will cleave in two,
towers will tumble,
mountains with crumble,
hills and plains will be made one.
A great fire will descend from Heaven,
oceans, rivers and springs will burn,
the fish will scream in anguish,
and the sun will darken and change.
Go away! Away! Go away!
Don't touch her.
BECAUSE SHE TALKED
Because you spoke.
I went through a forest...
without any wood.
Through a stream...
without any water.
Through a town...
without any houses.
SACRED SALES WEEK
The Christian King speaks
to his daughter Wilgeforte:
"I beg you for reasons of State
to marry the Satrap, potentate,
"who is so powerful over the sea,
"or you no longer my daughter will be."
"But Father,"
says his daughter in despair,
"how can I enter this heathen's lair?
"How can my father be so unfair?"
"Enough, enough, you must obey!
Enough, enough, you must obey!"
"But Father, Father, can't you see
"the noble from Florence will marry me."
"Guards!
"Palace Guards!
"The Italian gigolo must be found,
"he'll play his mandolin underground,
"in the deepest dungeon
where nobody cares,
"and he can't disturb my state affairs.
"In three weeks the wedding will be:
"until then Wilgeforte will not be free."
"I sit in my bower, alone,
"the hairs on my cheeks have grown,
"until, day by day, a beard I display."
With the heathen, face to face,
Wilgeforte in her disgrace,
there was no beauty in her beard;
in wild panic the heathen disappeared.
"My daughter, a bearded lady;
this shame I cannot bear!
"The bridegroom will his wealth
no longer with us share.
"To punish you for this loss,
I shall nail you to a cross!"
With her was her nurse,
standing close nearby,
combing her long hair,
and serving Martini Dry.
"Hallelujah, hallelujah,"
sang the Church, without delay.
"Hallelujah, hallelujah,"
and crowned St Wilgeforte that day.
Go ahead! Go ahead!
Yes, Mr Zeus.
As part of our special
Sacred Sales Week,
we're offering a wide range
of diverse devotional equipment:
whips, with or without metal tips,
leather, rubber and plastic masks,
with or without mouths,
and chains in every style, to suit
even the most demanding customers.
SACRED SALES WEEK BARGAINS
Voyages through time,
with the adventure extras,
at no extra cost.
Attention please!
All time travelers...
are requested to board now.
Attention please!
Now!
Miss Mller, please!
PAINTING IN A FLASH!
You're hired.
Halt! In the name of the Holy Tribunal!
Because she knew how to make rats!
Galileo Galilei.
Francesco Goya.
Rosa Luxemburg.
Walter Benjamin.
Else Lasker-Schler.
Arnold Schnberg.
Carl Einstein.
Siegfried Kracauer.
PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL
Castor - Pollux... sit!
They love Bayonne ham.
How they're fond of it.
It calms them.
- Until next time, Mr Orlando.
- I hope not, Mr Zeus.
Still, give my regards to
the Protectress of the winged sandals.
Cerberus must have a day off today.
Yes, well why not?
THE MOST SENSATIONAL SIDESHOW
OF ALL TIMES!
Mr Orlando, Mr Orlando,
don't look back after old shades.
Don't turn round, don't ever go back.
Mr Orlando, Mr Orlando,
come with us, come, come!
Behave yourselves!
I'll take the right side, you the left.
I want the right side, too.
Mr Orlando, you're one of us.
Please feel at home -
try to forget that you had to hide.
I'm sure that you'll soon be
one of our biggest attractions.
Remember... that counts here.
You're shy.
You're shy?
Hey! Stop it.
Don't drink, Leni. That's enough.
I'm Lena. That's Leni.
To Mr Orlando!
To Mr Orlando!
Mr Orlando!
Mr Orlando!
Don't look back after old shades.
Don't turn round, don't ever go back.
Mr Orlando!
Mr Orlando! Come with us, come, come!
My amazing strength,
which I'm honored to demonstrate,
will astound but not frighten you.
She's drunk.
Miss Lena,
I want to tell you something...
Sit up, Leni!
I've never been in a situation
like this before, but...
You see, Miss Lena...
I think...
Oh, Leni...
That's all I've got...
You haven't got one for me?
Unfortunately...
Unfortunately?
Too bad...
Oh no, stop drinking...
I've had enough...
it makes me sick...
I'm an alcoholic because of you!
But I don't want to sleep all day
like a drunkard!
But stop drinking...
I don't want any more...
Go away, I want to sleep!
I want to lie down!
I don't want to spend my life in bed!
I've got a husband and a child...
I want to live a normal life...
Stay with me...
Leave me alone...
No, stop drinking!
It makes me sick.
It hurts my liver.
I have a family! I'm not an alcoholic,
I want to lead a normal life!
Lena! Lena, what's wrong now?
You've woken the child.
Oh sir, I'm alone,
I feel lonely and depressed.
Lena, come with me for a minute.
No! No!
Oh Leni, I can't live with you!
Or without me...
Or without you.
That's enough! I want to sleep...
Drunkard...
I've never left you.
- But I drink...
- Stop it...
for the love of God, stop,
I can't stand it... stop drinking!
What, stop drinking?
Now the baby, Orlando, no, no...
it's impossible...
I don't want you to stay or to go...
I want you to stay with me...
Orlando is a monster.
I've never abandoned you...
Can't you stop that,
even for a minute?
Our child can't sleep!
Keep quiet for once!
You're so evil.
All you can do is destroy and poison!
Just leave us alone!
An abortion!
This baby will be like Orlando...
a monster... a monstrosity...
Orlando, I'm dying!
It can't be any other way,
it has to be.
According to ancient custom?
Yes, according to ancient custom.
No, no!
Mrs Gorgo!
Mrs Gorgo!
Mrs Gorgo!
Yes.
Is it happening all over again?
Yes.
- Does it have to be?
- Yes, it has to.
Mr Orlando!
The last Tribunal
was three hundred years ago.
He's going in now.
Poor Mr Orlando.
Ladies and gentlemen, we present,
for your pleasure, the renowned troupe...
The Freak Orlandos!
With our hostess, Madam Orlando...
and Bunnies Helena...
Jackie,
Jill,
and Vivienne.
Calypso!
Tonight we're celebrating the centenary
of the Festival of Ugliness,
which prompts us to extend to you
a very warm welcome,
and invite you all once again
to participate
in our contest to choose
the Ugliest Person of the Year.
I know,
many of you have been preparing
your numbers for months...
in the hope of winning first prize.
But only one person can win
the coveted trophy.
May I briefly explain the marking system,
chosen by the Festival Committee
as a variation of a color test.
The small flags held by the gentlemen
of the Jury
all experienced members
of national and local government -
have the following meanings:
Yellow...
freedom, order, security...
My motto is: save, save, save,
no matter what it costs...
- The wage-price spiral.
- No, the currency snake!
- The market was bullish...
- Now it's bearish...
Please, gentlemen: Yellow!
Good. Yellow:
Honorable Mention for participation.
Blue:
talented...
but not yet fully mature.
Red:
the winner!
I should also point out
that all unsuccessful entrants
will automatically be entered
for the next competition.
I see the first competitors are ready.
Gentlemen, please!
Our first entrant will perform
The Crutch Dance.
Music, please!
A harsh verdict from the Jury.
Well, gentlemen,
not all hopes can be fulfilled.
But I can already see the next competitor.
Let's go on! Thank you!
Our next number: MANIA!
Please go ahead! Be brave!
Are the bongos ready? Yes?
Well, let's go!
The next number is based on
an idea I find highly original...
GRIMACES!
Cut the bongos please!
Well, that was a fine show of talent,
thank you.
Our next number: GRACES!
"For beauty is nothing
but the beginning of terror ..."
"That we're still just able to bear."
- "Every angel is terrifying."
- So are we.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I am delighted
to be able to announce
a very special surprise...
Where are the toilets?
Over there, but you're interrupting...
Because, we have...
Ladies and gentlemen!
The Jury...
The Jury has reached a decision.
May I present tonight's winner. Mr...
What was your name again?
- My name is Herbert Zeus.
- Yes! Mr Zeus, congratulations!
May I present you with this trophy
on behalf of the Festival Committee.
Thank you.
"In the land of the lame,
limping is the custom."
And what brought you here, Mr Zeus?
I'm a salesman and was passing through.
- What do you sell?
- Psychopharmaceuticals.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
today has indeed been full of surprises.
An absolute outsider has won first prize.
But our party isn't over yet.
Many more attractions are still to come.
And of course
we want to dance until dawn.
Here in Piobbico,
near Pesaro and the Adriatic,
the Society of Ugly People is
celebrating its 102nd anniversary.
Posters of the world's prominent
ugly people cover the walls...
among them are many politicians.
The highlight of the festivities:
the Ugliest Person of the Year contest.
The winner:
49-year-old miner Lorenzo Blasi.
The Society of Ugly People
dates back to the year 1879,
when there was great concern
about the large number of
ugly unmarried women in the area.
The Society was founded to encourage
marriages between these ugly people...
in keeping with the old Italian saying:
"mal comune, mezzo gaudio,"
that is, a pain shared
is almost half a pleasure.
As part of these celebrations
there was a lively debate between
theologists, doctors, and psychologists.
These experts concluded that
the ugly person is the better person,
since he has to struggle
far more for success,
not only among his fellow men,
but also at his place of work.
The cock crows,
day breaks,
and my story has reached its end.
ORLANDO AS A PILGRIM, ORLANDO CYCLOPA,
ORLANDO ORLANDA, ORLANDO CAPRICCIO,
MR ORLANDO, THE HOSTESS MADAM ORLANDO:
MAGDALENA MONTEZUMA.
HELENA MLLER AS GODDESS
OF THE TREE OF LIFE,
ANNOUNCER IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE,
MOTHER OF THE MIRACULOUS CHILD,
HELENA-MAYA, SIAMESE TWIN LENA,
BUNNY HELENA: DELPHINE SEYRIG.
DIRECTION, SCENARIO AND CAMERA:
ULRIKE OTTINGER