French Girl (2024) Movie Script
1
Voil!
Gordon?
Mm-hmm?
Why does it smell
like burnt toast?
Because I made you breakfast.
Yeah, check it out!
What is it?
What do you mean, "What is it"?
It's clearly eggs Benedict.
Oh, wow! Yeah.
I wanted to do something
extra special.
- Yeah, get in there.
- Mm!
Mayonnaise?
Yeah, it said hollandaise
in the recipe,
but isn't that just French
for "mayonnaise"?
Mayonnaise is French
for mayonnaise
Oh. What's hollandaise?
Hollandaise.
"Hollandaise."
I should have made you cereal.
Stop it!
It did look better
in the picture.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Stop it. Come here.
It's perfect.
Happy last day of school.
In a few days, we're gonna be
in the Adirondacks,
and we're gonna eat
amazing food
and we're gonna drink lots
of beautiful wine.
And sex.
Lots of sex.
You're a miracle.
Why not now?
("YOU'RE THE FIRST,
THE LAST, MY EVERYTHING"
BY BARRY WHITE PLAYING)
Where's my bone broth?
Carrots are fucking perfect,
girls!
Good morning, Jerry!
Cool shoes!
Mr. Kinski!
Yeah, buddy. I'm sorry.
Mr. Kinski, thank you
for the extension.
You're a lifesaver.
Under the wire, Todd.
I knew you had it in you!
Whoa! There she is!
Hey, Vinny!
Saw that review. So, I guess
I won't be able to get a table
no more now that the Times
thinks you're
the next Nancy Silverton.
When you have
the best heirlooms in town,
you always get a table.
What if you used to work
with her?
- Ruby... Hi!
- Hello, Sophie.
It's been a while.
Yeah, wow.
Almost three years.
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
My, um, Pretty Woman look.
Oh! How much?
What are you doing
in New York City?
Actually, looking for you.
Oh, boy.
"Doubt thou
the stars are fire,
doubt that the sun doth move,
doubt truth to be a liar,
but never doubt I love."
Is that Billie Eilish?
Billie Shakespeare.
Greatest bard to ever live.
Now, do any of you know why
I chose to write much of my work
in what's called
iambic pentameter?
No.
It's because it mimics
the beating of the human heart.
Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum.
What better way
to express love... and loss
and the brevity of human life
than the very ticking clock
that's in all of our chests?
Excuse me! My lady doth beckon!
Ooh!
Um, discuss only Shakespeare.
Do I have your word?
Definitely.
It's summer
in, like, an hour.
Mm. Twirl a little?
- Huh?
- Oh!
You know what
pantaloons do to me.
Well, guess what?
I'm gonna bring
this entire outfit
on our vacation.
Um...
What?
Why are you not saying anything?
Still not saying anything.
Please say something.
I've been asked to interview...
for the executive chef position
at the Frontenac.
The Frontenac! That's amazing!
That's the new place
in Greenpoint, right?
I don't know what they cook.
I know It's fusion.
They fuse something.
No,
it's the Chteau Frontenac
in... in Quebec City.
Quebec City, Canada.
Yeah.
A little further north.
They're opening a new restaurant
with this girl
I used to work with.
Ruby Collins. Did I mention her?
No. Not to me.
No?
I was her sous-chef,
and now she's this huge deal,
with, like, a Michelin star
and cookbooks
and her own show and--
So, you'd be moving home.
Oh, my God, no.
It's... it's not an offer.
She's just inviting three chefs
to, you know, refine her menu,
and then she'll decide
who gets the job.
And when...
when's all this happening?
I haven't said yes yet.
I, um,
I wanted to talk to you first
because it would get in the way
of our trip upstate.
Well, babe, are you kidding me?
Of course you have to say yes!
This is everything
you've worked for.
I mean, absolutely!
This is-- This sounds like
a very big deal.
What if I get it?
Dad! Dad, please be home.
I'm in a hurry.
I have 17 minutes
before my next class.
My life hangs
in the balance, Dad.
I swore I wouldn't leave
until I finished
writing chapter five.
Which reminds me, I need you
to pick up my gout medication.
Enough with the intercom talk.
I'm in a hurry. Buzz me in!
I was this close, Gord.
Not to riddle you with guilt...
But you will.
...but I was right there.
I was on the cusp
of figuring out why Mr. Devereux
is suddenly called to the stand
by his paramour.
But enough about my shitty book.
What's your big emergency?
Isn't it a little early
for Scotch, Dad?
With your gout also.
Not when you've had
writer's block for two months.
Gotta fuel the fire
of creativity. Help yourself.
You know, they... they tend
to frown on day drinking
when you teach middle school.
I want to talk to you...
- about Sophie.
- Aw!
Well, it was never gonna last.
No, we're not breaking up.
When it happens, I'll be here,
wasting away on a novel
that won't even make it
to an airport kiosk!
Can you listen to me
for one second?
She just got offered this huge
job interview in Quebec City.
And whether she gets it or not,
I realized that she's the one.
I don't wanna be
with anyone else ever again.
And... and I'm gonna
fly up there with her.
Flying?
Yeah.
You haven't been on a plane
since you were 13.
You remember
how that panic attack went?
I know.
Luckily for the passengers,
my little arms
weren't strong enough
to get the emergency hatch out.
But...
...I'm gonna do it.
And that leaves me
to the real reason I'm here...
Mom's ring.
My God!
Yeah.
My son is a genius!
How so?
Marrying Sophie
to get Canadian citizenship.
It's brilliant!
No, Dad, I--
It's gotta be a formality
to get your old man a passport.
This country has been
in a goddamn free fall
since Vietnam!
We gotta get up there
and beat the rush.
It's not an immigration ploy.
She's my soul mate!
Say it just like that
to the people at the border.
Dad, where is the ring?
The ring. The...
Yes, of course. The ring.
Mr. Devereux left it
in Daphne's carriage!
That's how she knew!
That's how I end
this God forsaken chapter!
I'm gonna go check your bedroom.
Check out this bling. What?
I know. It belonged
to my great-grandmother,
Gertrude. She came all the way
from Ireland aboard the Titanic.
Isn't that crazy?
Against all odds, it survived,
even though she was down
in third class,
river dancing with Leo.
Isn't she nice?
Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Okay.
Who's got eyes on it?
Don't move an inch.
Nobody move an inch!
That is a precious heirloom.
Look down and see
if you see sparkle.
I got it!
Thank you. Whoo!
You just went from a B to an A,
young lady.
Why is it rusty?
It's not rusty. It's an antique.
That's not even a diamond.
It's a diamond, trust me.
It's just cloudy
from the seawater.
Diamonds are a tool
of emotional manipulation
contrived by baby boomers.
Okay, Greta Thunberg, thank you.
Show and tell is over.
You guys are a bad buzz.
Mr. Kinski?
Yes, Samuel, go for it.
I think he's gonna say yes.
Okay, well, he is a woman.
And I hope that she says yes.
I mean, she doesn't care
about material wealth,
like some people.
She likes simple things.
- Then you're her man!
- Hilarious.
Chase, I told you to try out
for improv. You chose hockey.
All right, let's get into this.
Oh, man! I really am late.
I'm so sorry.
Have a great summer!
And, uh, please read!
The future of humanity
depends on it.
Franklin, up high.
Ladies and gentlemen,
if you could please return
to your seats and buckle up,
we're going through
a little turbulence.
We'll resume drink service
momentarily. Thank you.
That's a lot of shaking, huh?
I think that's too much shaking.
It's supposed to shake.
It's like a car
on a country road. It's fine.
I don't know if you clocked
the flight attendant.
Not smiling.
And they're trained to smile.
Okay, let me distract myself
by working
on the things I memorized.
Your father's name is Alphonse.
Your mother's name is Ginette.
They met in high school.
Your sister's name is Juliette.
She just had a baby.
Yep.
And her baby daddy left her
and went back to Romania,
so your brother, Junior,
hates him.
But he's gonna love me
if I bring up
mixed martial arts.
Do you have any idea how hard
this molecular gastronomy stuff
is?
I... I...
I really have to focus.
Okay, focus, babe.
No more from me.
Thank you.
I'll just study
the safety card.
These people on here
look way too happy.
Who'd be smiling
if this happened?
Why are they so happy
going down the slide?
Did you watch
the safety demonstration?
I don't even know where
my raft is. Where's your raft?
Babe, if we crash,
there's no swimming or rafting.
There's nothing,
except maybe the black box.
Why would you say that?
Babe, come on, I gotta focus!
Okay, but wow! Wow, wow!
That's not even funny.
Is that a pill?
Yeah,
my father gave it to me.
It's a relaxant.
He knows I'm not a great flyer.
He said it'll take the edge off.
But you're drinking wine.
Baby I've had only three
and a half glasses.
I'm not flying the damn thing.
Ay, ay, ay.
Wow!
All right. Now, I can relax.
I don't know,
Peter, what color the pill was.
Yellow-ish?
It tasted yellow-ish.
Hang on a second.
Baby, I can't feel my face.
Can you feel your face?
Check your face.
Oh, shit, Sophie!
There's a fifty-fifty
I gave him a Quaalude
instead of a Valium.
A Quaalude?
Listen, the '80s
were fucking bananas, man.
Well, the '80s is happening
to your son's brain right now.
Well, tell him
to have a good time.
It should wear off
in a couple hours.
A couple of hours?
Do you know how much
I love this woman?
I gotta go.
I love you!
Gordon, Gordon. You're shouting.
You're shouting.
Oh. my God.
Get it together, Gordon.
- Are you mad at me?
- I'm sorry, babe.
My father says
you're gonna break up with me.
I'm not gonna
break up with you, Gordon.
You should!
I don't deserve you.
Gordon, look at me.
My parents...
Oh!
...are right outside
those doors, okay?
I'll explain to them
what happened.
You just need to stay
in the chair.
- Stay in the chair.
- Mm. And...
Not going anywhere.
Don't say
anything stupid.
I'm not even gonna talk,
except to say that I love them.
I really need you right now
to get it together.
Can you get it together?
Hey!
Gordon?
Honey, I found the bag!
No, Gordon, Gordon,
no, no, no, no, no!
You don't...
you don't need to do that!
My bag is trying
to go back on the plane!
Hmm.
Okay, be cool.
Hey, guys, I am so sorry!
I... I hope that she explained
to you everything that happened.
My father roofied me.
But I'm feeling a lot better.
And the good news is
they're not gonna press
any charges
about riding
their baggage claim.
Let's start over.
Ginette, Alphonse,
it's so nice to meet you.
Let me help you
with the bag.
Okay, I'll help her.
Let me help you,
please, Ginette.
Thank you.
- Okay. Let's start over. Okay?
We're all friends.
Okay.
Look at this place.
Unbelievable.
Four hundred years of history!
Are those the infamous
Plains of Abraham
where General Montcalm
and General Wolfe
fought to the death?
Mm! Someone did their homework.
Down with the Brits, I say!
That's something we Americans
and you French
have in common.
There it is, baby.
The Frontenac.
Oh! You didn't tell me
it was an actual castle.
That's where you're gonna work?
I mean, we'll see.
Sophie said
you hand-built the house
with your father
when you were a kid?
Two years of blood and sweat.
Wow! The pictures
don't do it justice!
Look at that flagstone,
the masonry!
That's a lost art.
You know,
I'm a bit of a builder myself.
Not houses like
this masterpiece,
but are you familiar with
the Lego architectural series?
Yeah, they say 13 and up,
but if you're not in your 20s,
forget about it!
Yeah. Yeah.
I just finished the Taj Mahal.
And this one
was particularly hard,
right, babe? 'Cause I bought it
on eBay,
and the instructions
were in Korean.
Yeah,
that's what he wants to hear,
that you play with toys.
You fucking idiot. Hey!
Laurent!
Hello!
Gordon, come,
come meet my family.
Hi!
No, no, no,
I... I understand French,
actually pretty well,
thanks to her tutelage.
But my speaking
is a little comme ci, comme a.
Oh, no, your French
is great, honey. For real.
Ah! We'll see.
Um. Okay, so,
this is my cousin Patrice.
Hi!
My aunt, Claudette,
my uncle, Michel...
So nice to meet you.
...my sister, Juliette,
and her baby, Laurent...
Laurent!
...and my brother,
Junior.
And last but not least,
Mammie Tremblay.
Well, of course
I've heard about Mammie!
Gotta kiss the cheek
of the matriarch!
No, no, no, I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God!
- Oh!
- I'm so sorry.
She has dementia.
Oh, okay. Okay, yeah.
My... my uncle Lester
has dementia, so I understand.
I've been there. Is it harder
on them or on us? I mean...
Of course,
I never kissed my uncle Lester,
but...
I'll get the bags!
Aw! Hey, little buddy!
My majestic, feathered friend.
What's your name? Oh!
Shit! How are you this fast?
Oh!
Oh, babe,
I'm so sorry. You okay?
Yeah, I got it all,
I got it all.
I just got attacked
by a white pterodactyl.
Oh, yeah, that's Coucou.
She's, uh, our swan.
She's lived on the farm forever.
She can be a bit cranky.
I don't think she's a fan yet,
but I'm gonna win her over.
This place
is so cute.
Thank you.
Where are we staying?
Where should I put--
Um, so, my sister and her baby
are going to be sleeping
in our old room,
so we'll be taking my brother's,
which is, um, straight up
the stairs, second on the left.
You want some help?
No, I got it.
Go talk to your family.
I'm fine!
You sure?
All right. You okay?
Yeah, I got it. I got it.
Go talk to your family.
Hello!
Samurai Kinski,
here for the briss.
Oh! I'm so sorry, man.
I've just never seen
one of these in real life.
It's so cool.
It's awesome.
It says, "Made in China."
Aren't samurai Japanese?
But it's still...
it's still beautiful
and... and... and very sharp.
So, you didn't get gypped there.
Sophie says, uh,
that you are an English coach?
Well, I teach, uh,
eighth grade English, yeah.
You're asking
for help? I'll totally help.
Of course! Of course!
Well, let's make
that dream come true, bud!
Yes!
I won't.
You're good.
- Okay, thank you.
- Hey!
Of course.
("UN MUSICIEN PARMI
TANT D'AUTRES"
BY HARMONIUM PLAYING)
Hey, toi! Bon...
Oui.
Mm. Hmm...
Voil!
Sophie Jeanne Tremblay!
Oh.
Juliette...
- George!
- Uh. It's Gordon.
Jordan...
Sure.
You're from New York?
You're a Rangers fan?
What do you think of Lafrenire?
Oh, I actually
don't follow hockey.
But I... I love figure skating.
Figure skating?
Yeah, uh, sure.
You know, Boitano, Yamaguchi,
Hamilton, and of course,
I'm not forgetting
all the Canadian greats, uh,
Stojko, Browning,
Sal and Pelletier
with that incredible performance
in Salt Lake City.
Mammie, you remember that?
I mean, to land a quad,
and then to go
right into a triple Axel?
Insanity. Who does that?
I'll tell you who. They did.
Also, the costumes...
dazzling.
A fellow guest. Let me.
No, stay. I'll... I'll get it.
This is too... You're...
Voil!
Actually, when I was a kid,
I, uh...
Ruby!
Hi! You're here! Wh...
Well,
you couldn't join us for drinks,
so, I brought the drinks to you.
Hey, tout le monde,
you remember Ruby?
Oh, ben, tabarnak!
Alphie...
I brought you
your favorite, an '86 Pomerol.
Oh!
Birth year of this bombshell.
But they only had a magnum,
so I hope you're thirsty.
It's too much. Merci beaucoup!
Junior, if I could--
So, you're
the famous Ruby Collins.
And you must be
the one-and-only Gordon.
I never got your family name.
Uh. It's Kinski.
But don't worry about that.
I gotta say,
when Sophie told me about you,
I... I pictured someone
a little more like Julia Childs.
Not someone so...
Dazzling?
Dazzling is right!
And you will not believe
what happens that day.
The compressor breaks
that morning!
That's a nightmare!
- And the Secret Service gets there.
- Oh, I remember.
And we have nothing
to feed the Obamas.
And then Sophie here confessed
that she had a pound and a half
of Japanese bluefin
that she was going
to surprise me with
for my birthday dinner.
Oh, you're so sweet, baby.
She runs back to her place,
grabs the fish.
We cook them this,
oh, incredible meal.
And now I have
Michelle's number in my phone.
Are you kidding me?
Like, you could text
Michelle Obama right now?
Mm. And Sasha and Malia.
We should send them,
like, a funny GIF or something.
Babe, you never told me
you cooked for POTUS and FLOTUS.
He wasn't even
in office anymore.
Oh, it's not a big deal.
He wasn't in office.
He's just hanging out
with Michelle and, like, Jay-Z.
You gotta be kidding me.
That is so cool.
Hey, by the way,
cooking for heads of state
should definitely factor into
the decision-making process.
- Am I right, parents? Right?
- That's right.
- It will.
- Good, good.
And what about you,
Gordon?
Mm!
I mean,
what are you gonna do
while I keep your girlfriend
locked away in the castle?
Oh, don't worry about me.
I will be fully booked
making sure Junior here
doesn't fail
his English exam again.
Right, buddy?
This is delicious,
by the way.
Well, this is going really well.
Hey! I think you're doing great.
I've been here six hours.
I've been interrogated
by the feds.
I made out with your grandma.
I betrayed your brother.
It's not going great.
Yeah, but he should have
told you not to say anything.
You know what?
They fight all the time.
So, don't worry you about it,
okay?
On the other hand,
that Ruby is amazing, huh?
Yeah, yeah,
she's... she's something.
I mean, cooking steaks
in a volcano with Bear Grylls?
He's a lucky guy.
Is someone crushing a little?
Uh, I don't think I have a shot,
babe. That whole story she told
about Victoria Secret models
in Ibiza...
Yeah, wow.
But, hey, you could
use it to your advantage.
A little flirting
could go a long way.
That's smart.
Speaking about flirting...
Go on.
I would also like
to go a long way.
Mm...
What's happening?
She can't really see
or hear very well,
so if we don't move,
she won't even know we're here.
Like a T-Rex.
Yeah.
Grammy Mammie,
more than meets the eye.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Aw! So cute!
Oh, baby!
Def Leppard, yes!
Hug fest!
Whose dog is that?
What the fuck?
Oh.
Let's go!
Chef will be with you
momentarily.
Hi! I'm Sophie.
Frederick. La Shangra, Chicago.
Antoine. Tic Tac Toe, Byron Bay.
Hey, I know your place!
- Of course you do.
- Good morning,
my impressionable
little cherubs.
Ruby will be the crown jewel
of my culinary empire.
When our guests walk through
those very expensive doors,
they will be thrust
into a gastronomical portal
that will make them
shit their pants.
Time.
Terrible.
You managed to remove
every single atom of flavor.
Nice.
Last and definitely least,
Sophie, I prefer no taste
than this culinary genocide.
I couldn't get the foam to rise.
I don't want
your excuses, Sophie.
I want you to execute.
Because that's the title, right?
Executive chef.
A chef who can execute.
If you're all
gonna be this shit,
tell me now
so I can find real chefs,
not line cooks who couldn't
cut it in a hospital cafeteria.
- Start again.
- Yes, chef!
Yeah, she told me
she'd been with women before,
but this is her ex.
I always sensed
a sapphic energy from her.
Let's not label it, Dad, okay?
She's... she's French.
They explore their bodies
differently over here.
Doesn't change the fact
that she lied to you.
She didn't lie.
She just left out
some of the specifics
because she loves me
and she was protecting
my feelings.
How did I raise you
to be so nave?
Word of advice, pop the question
before she switches teams again!
There will be no switching
of teams, Dad, okay?
She's here in a...
in a professional capacity.
So, was Billie Jean King
with her secretary.
I have no idea
what that means,
but I'm pretty sure
it's not helpful.
I'm just saying,
don't waste any time.
By the way,
French Canadians
were notoriously Catholics.
So you might want
to ask her father first.
Oh, I don't think
he likes me very much.
Then do what you mother
and I did and get her pregnant.
Then he'll force you
to marry her!
This is the worst pep talk
you've ever tried to--
Dad, I gotta go.
- Morning!
- Already up?
You sure you don't want
to sleep an extra 15 minutes?
It's only 9:45.
Oh, I'm just taking in
your incredible property.
It's so beautiful.
Everything is just blossoming.
Your tomatoes are coming in.
Wow! That's a lot of blood.
Come here.
In there?
Hey...
this is, uh...
This is nice!
What a setup you have here.
A lamb?
Why am I getting a lamb?
It's our dinner.
Mm!
That's gonna be great!
You know what else is great?
Is, uh, ratatouille,
or a... or a hearty salad.
I love that.
You... you throw
some walnuts and some beets,
some... some feta cheese.
Everybody loves it.
Everyone will be like,
"Alphonse,
how could-- This is--"
We're having lamb.
Okay. Uh...
Well, I'll go... check
on the little fella,
and see if he's ready...
Mm-hmm.
...to be done with life.
Hey! Hey!
Hey, buddy! Hey!
Hi!
Oh, you're so cute.
I have a sweater just like you.
Hey, come over here.
We need to have
a heart-to-heart.
You and I are gonna have to
go on a little walk together.
Look, here's the problem,
I'm in love, okay?
I have to get this guy to like--
I know you understand, okay?
Maybe we can hang out in heaven.
Alphonse, I think she knows!
There you go.
I hope this is my piece.
You're not a very
physical guy, are you?
Me? No. Well, I am.
I just... I guess
the brain is... is my muscle.
That's...
that's what I use most.
Hmm.
Hey, listen,
about the whole tutoring thing,
I...I just wanted to say
I never meant
to get between you and your son.
I'm sorry about that. I... I...
I should tell you, though,
I feel pretty confident
I could get him to pass.
You can waste my son's time
as much as you want.
Just as long as you
stay out of Sophie's way.
Oh, wow! There's the other leg.
You're good at that!
Not now, Coucou, please!
I need, like, five minutes.
Please, Coucou.
Coucou, can we please
be friends?
Stay, Coucou!
I want you to stay!
Hey, Gordie!
Hey! Hey! I think you won.
I think you kicked its ass.
This is an awesome setup, man.
You got dojo.
You got man cave.
You never need to leave!
Chicken house.
Oh, it was a chicken coop.
Huh. Well,
they were living well.
Oh, sure. It's noon somewhere.
Hey, uh, I wanna
really apologize
to you about last night, man.
I didn't mean to
let the cat out of the bag.
Yeah, I get it.
My father wanted me
to be a dentist, so...
Of course, my father
is a whole lot less intimidating
than yours,
so it was an easier no.
Thank you.
No, it's my pleasure, man.
Please. What else am I gonna do?
I'm happy to help.
But I actually wouldn't mind
a little intel
on your sister and Ruby.
No, it wasn't her.
I stumbled across a picture
where they looked
a little, uh...
Do you know
who broke up with who?
Whom? It's actually "Whom."
Who broke up with whom.
We'll get to
"whom." That's advanced.
That's like, double
black diamond. Back to Ruby.
I didn't get all
of that. You speak very fast.
But I think you said it was Ruby
who was the heartbreaker.
...boring like you.
Oh. By the way,
great pronunciation!
The key is just
to find a way into the material.
And for you, I think
I have the perfect way in.
Huh.
You wanna see
some real fighting,
you can see me fight
at the kumite.
I'm here, too, for the kumite.
Aren't you a little young
for full contact?
Aren't you a little old
for video games?
Okay, so in that example,
"aren't" is a contraction
of "are" and "not."
"Aren't you a little old
for video games?"
That's perfect.
You sound just like Van Damme.
Actually, that will
help us with imperative verbs.
I bet there's plenty in there.
See, that's the thing
about a muscadet.
It's arrogant, yet subtle.
A perfect pairing
for my mozzarella balloons,
which you killed today.
I didn't come here
to fuck spiders.
I hope no one came here
to fuck spiders.
Is that, like, an expression
from...
...Down Under?
You know what? Never mind.
I don't care.
Malcolm, let's move on
to the reds.
Powder to the eyes?
That doesn't seem fair.
That's the thing
about the kumite.
There's no rules.
Check the kick!
Uh-oh! Gunshot!
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Wow!
- Boom!
- Triple kick?
Yeah!
I'm sorry for being
so hard on you.
But I'm not gonna
play favorites.
I brought you here
because of your talent,
not because of our history.
Thanks for saying that.
Anytime.
There's also something else
I need to apologize for.
Oh, no, no. You don't need
to apologize anymore.
No, I do. I do.
I've been talking a lot
with Bren Brown
about accountability.
Which I need to own
for how things ended between us.
I let my ego get the best of me.
You deserved so much better.
Which you seem to have found
in Gordon.
It all worked out
for the best.
Like you said, I found Gordon.
And you! I mean, you--
Look at everything
you've accomplished.
Yeah, I suppose.
You have one of the biggest
cooking shows.
You have, what, like,
three bestsellers.
And are you actually starting
a makeup line?
It's not bad for the daughter
of a Filipina immigrant.
Damn right!
So, is it weird being
back home after so long?
My dad might have to
sell the farm.
Oh, Soph, I'm so sorry.
It's his entire life, you know?
Yeah.
But he's stubborn enough.
I mean, you know him. He'll...
...he'll figure
something out.
Let's get you another drink.
You look like you need it.
I think I need to get home.
I wasn't asking, babe.
This is work, not play.
Oh. Of course.
- Malcolm!
Can we taste another?
Ahoy!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to wake you.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
You were out late.
Yeah, I, uh,
I should have texted.
Ruby had us trying
a bunch of wine pairings.
How was your day?
Oh, my day was great!
I, um, I slaughtered
a little baby lamb
with your father,
and I tutored your brother.
Oh, and I also found out
that you and Ruby
used to be lovers.
So, all in all,
a pretty full day.
Okay, I really
wanted to tell you.
- But I knew you would worry.
- Don't try.
I didn't want you
to worry...
No, no.
Please.
...and turn it
into something it's not,
because it's really nothing.
Oh, it's definitely something.
It's definitely something.
It's a fairly large omission,
don't you think?
Working for your ex?
Definitely should have
factored into the conversation.
I'm sorry. You're right.
I should have been up front.
But it was years ago.
I mean, she was an asshole then.
She's an asshole now.
Well, she seemed pretty darn
charming the other night.
It's all a show. She's a tyrant.
I don't care that she's my ex.
And you shouldn't either.
Well, it's easier said than done
when she looks like
the future of the human race.
Hey, come on. Look at me.
I love you.
And I want you.
No, don't try.
You're not gonna win me back
by trying to have sex with me.
Just make out
with me a little.
Come on, love.
I'm not that easily convinced.
Can I convince you with
that thing I do to your toes?
Well, that could definitely
expedite the healing process.
Mm.
Wait. Ah,
this really hurts my legs.
This is--
No, it'll work, baby.
Let me just anchor.
If I anchor my leg... Here.
I'll just put my hand there.
I'm like an isosceles triangle.
This is so comfy.
Just give me a second, okay?
Yeah, but hold on. Wait.
We're locked
and loaded here, babe.
We don't need a second.
If you take too many seconds,
you might fall asleep.
Babe?
Gordon?
Alphonse, bonjour! Caf?
I assume you take it black.
Hmm.
Gordon, wow! You're up early.
Yeah, I'm just excited.
Uh, beautiful day.
Hey, I wanted to ask if I could
drive Sophie in to work today,
maybe see some of the sights,
and then I'll...
I'll bring her home?
Of course! Keys are hanging
by the front door.
Great.
No,
that's not a good idea.
It's an old truck, you know.
It's hard to handle.
Well, you should try
biking in Brooklyn. It's crazy!
And then, Manhattan,
that's like, um...
But, uh, truck-wise, as long as
it's not manual, I'm good to go.
There's no gas.
I'll fill her up.
Mm.
This is fun,
driving my love
along the riverbanks.
Babe...
Mm.
Can you please just...
just go faster.
As my late mother used to say,
"Under 45, you stay alive."
I knew I should have driven.
You are not driving.
Are you kidding me?
You probably still have alcohol
in your blood. You'd get a DUI.
This is a good pace
for us, okay?
I'm not getting in an accident
in your father's beloved car.
It's here.
What's here?
Here, here.
The exit. You're gonna miss it.
Well, you gotta tell me
sooner than that, baby.
Oh, my God, we missed it!
Well...
There was a motorcyclist
in the lane, babe!
This takes us onto the bridge.
Do you know how late
I'm gonna be?
You will not be
one second late.
Stupid Saint-Laurent.
Sweetheart, I'm sorry,
but the GPS did not account
for exhausted Seabiscuit.
Don't honk at a horse!
That's a thing, I'm sure.
You know what?
Screw this. I'm gonna run.
No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait.
- Bye.
- Babe!
I'm sorry. I love you!
Oh! Well, look who decided
to join us.
I'm so sorry, chef.
Come in late again,
and you're out.
Hey! Whoa! Look at this place!
It's like the kitchen
on the Death Star.
This is incredible! Is this
where Vader gets his Pop Tarts?
Can I help you?
Ruby, I am so sorry. I just
want to be the one to tell you
that Sophie's tardiness
is 100% my fault.
I had to put gas
in her father's car.
Can you believe it takes diesel?
I'm about to put regular
in the wagon here,
and a guy calls me
a clice de tabarnak,
which I thought was an insult.
Turns out, I google it...
Is it bring your boyfriend
to work day,
or is he gonna kindly
get the fuck out of my kitchen?
- Gordon, please.
- I'm so sorry.
Boyfriend reads you
loud and clear.
I'll let you coworkers
do your thing.
You guys are screwed.
You're gonna win, baby!
Team Sophie!
Smoked pine needles.
When I got home last night,
the air just hit me.
It was almost sweet.
It smelled like Christmas.
I thought it would complement
your smoked oysters.
Give it a distinct
local essence.
That is what
I'm talking about, Sophie.
Good work.
Not too bored,
Gordon?
Oh no. Are you kidding me?
I'm having the best time.
I get to hang out with three
lovely Tremblay ladies
instead of just one.
Plus I'm sure Sophie
will be home soon.
I don't know about that.
- What don't you know about?
- Ah! It's just...
When Sophie and Ruby
were together,
it was like Burning Man
every night.
So fun.
Juliette...
Mazel tov.
Mammie...
Uno!
Holy shit!
What's wrong?
Um, will you excuse me
for just one second?
I have to, uh,
use the facilities upstairs.
Oh, but there's
a bathroom right there.
Oh, but it's a
petit numro due...
No!
You and I haven't really had
a chance to just chat alone yet,
have we, Mammie?
Yeah, well, they're--
They're always
doing something up there.
Um...
If we could just chat
for a second about the ring.
That's my great-grandmother's.
And I'm... I'm sensitive
to your condition, I really am,
so, no hard feelings.
But I'm just gonna reach down
and take my ring back, okay?
So I'm gonna just grab it.
Gordie!
Hey, man!
No, I'm fine.
I'm hanging out with the ladies.
I'm having a blast.
That's a great idea
you should go and have fun.
Okay, well...
To be continued!
What are we drinking next?
Shots!
Fucking shooters, mate.
Look, quality is everything.
And if that means importing
my lamb from New Zealand,
then that's what
I'm going to do.
Are you saying that the lamb
from my father's farm
is not as good as New Zealand's?
Well. I mean,
the difference might be slim,
but it is the difference between
excellence and perfection.
Yeah, just like
the slim difference
between being arrogant
and being full of shit?
Well,
someone is confident.
Yeah, 'cause I...
...I swapped out your lamb today
with meat from my father's farm,
and someone
didn't seem to notice.
You absolute assassin.
Hey!
Yo! Hey, Jordan, ostie!
It's Gordon.
Oh!
You hear that?
That's bone. That's a bone.
Daphne!
Is someone gonna help her?
I'm surprised to see you here.
Oh no, I love it. I love it.
I love violence of any kind.
Uh, yeah. Pain is my jam.
- Light change.
Look at the size of that guy!
He's pointing
at me. I didn't do anything!
Come on!
You're fighting?
Him?
Are you out of your mind?
He's like white Shrek!
Let's go!
Fight!
Whoa! That was good, huh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Oui!
Oh!
Fuck yes! David beats Goliath!
He's gonna fight somebody else?
Oh fuck, yes!
Last time they fought,
they ended up in jail, man.
Are you kidding me?
They can't fight.
They're family.
No, false alarm!
Intermission! Intermission!
Call it off! Call it off, sorry!
Sorry, you guys cannot fight.
No, this is my
fault. I'm sorry. It's my fault.
Violence is not the answer.
Think of Sophie, of Ginette.
It's okay!
It gonna end up in two seconds.
- No, no.
- There's not gonna be a fight.
Just stop!
No!
Yeah!
No. No, no.
Again,
I'm so sorry, Alphonse.
No, no, don't be sorry.
It's their fault.
But Gordon did knock him out.
Very accidentally.
Still, you delivered the blow.
The good news is
that father and son
avoided going at it
in the kumite.
I have even better news.
I have a surprise
that will certainly
get you fixed up in no time.
Drum roll.
It's an expression.
You don't...
I have spoken to the network,
and we would be thrilled
to shoot an episode
of Ruby in Your Pantry
right here on your family farm!
I mean, great exposure
for the greatest lamb
in the world. Am I right?
I don't know what to say!
Well, say oui, ma chrie!
Thank you so much!
Wow...
- Wow!
- Thank you so much!
Can I be on TV, too?
Oh, but of course,
it's your farm!
I'm excited about it, too.
Of course she drives a Jag.
Bye! Love your pirate's blouse.
Wow!
This turned out to be
such a great night, right?
Oh, it was fabulous!
You got drunk
with your ex-girlfriend,
and I knocked out your father.
- And that's my fault?
- Yeah, it is.
Because if you hadn't
stood me up again,
I wouldn't have been invited
to family fucking fight club
or whatever that was.
Okay, you know what?
I don't want to do this tonight.
Well, you know what? I do.
I'm just saying, if you look
at things from my point of view,
it feels like I can't
do anything right,
unlike Ruby, who can do
absolutely no wrong.
I can't believe
you're making this about you
when her show can save this farm
from going out of business.
Going out of business?
What are you talking about?
Going out of business?
My dad told me
that they're on the brink
of bankruptcy, okay?
Ruby is just trying to help.
So, you told Ruby,
but you didn't tell me?
I've been spending
more time with her.
I haven't seen you
as much, come on.
Really?
I hadn't noticed.
Oh, my God!
All right,
you know what?
It's been a long week.
Let's just get some sleep.
You've been reading
way too much into this.
You're right, I'm sorry.
I should be happy for you guys.
I didn't know that. I'm sorry.
I just miss you.
I miss you too, honey.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
Psst! Hey!
All right, I'll-
I'll take her back to bed.
No, you know what?
Let me, let me.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, you're tired.
Let me do one thing right
in this house.
All right.
I got it.
Hey, Mammie.
Let's get you back to bed
before the storm hits, okay?
I got you.
All right, Mammie.
There you go.
Time to count some sheep before
your son slaughters them all.
I do need to get
my ring back, though, Mammie.
Just while you're dozing...
Farmer knuckles!
Come on...
Oh, hey! She wandered
into our room, sweet old gal.
I think
she was probably sleepwalking.
I've been tasked
with putting her down again.
You can close it out
if you want to.
We did it. We did it.
Sweet dreams, Mammie.
I'll just get by you.
Do you want me
to sing to your baby?
Oh, I'm good.
Okay.
Oh!
...eroticism.
Mm.
We gotta talk, Coucou!
It's a rule of thumb, okay?
I before E, except after C
or when sounding as A
as in "Neighbor" or "Weigh."
You know what? Forget about it.
Can we take a break?
I am tired, man.
I'm frankly very tired
of my girlfriend
spending every single night
until 2:00 in the morning
with Ruby,
drinking and laughing
and doing all the things
in my mind
that I pray to God
they're not doing.
...smash her legs,
like, you know,
like Tonya Harding.
First of all,
very well-crafted sentence.
But I am gonna pass.
Hey.
Guess what? Best news ever!
Ruby has to do a reshoot
for her show,
which means
I have the night off.
Are you serious?
Yeah, baby!
I'm on my way.
Junior, class dismissed.
- Anglais.
- Okay, um...
would you mind
taking my picture?
I, uh, I have to send it
to my super-hot boyfriend
who's been desperately lonely.
Why don't you forget about him
and fall in love
with a very handsome
English teacher from Brooklyn?
Okay!
You look amazing.
This is so pretty.
Thank you,
- thank you, thank you. So do you.
- Wow!
Where are we going?
I don't know.
It's not the kind of cooking
I really ever thought I'd do,
but I'm getting into it.
And I mean...
living in this city,
with my family,
it really would be amazing.
I think you're
gonna get the job.
I don't have it yet.
Baby, you're gonna get the job.
I have a surprise
for you.
I got the Chteau
to comp us a room tonight.
Shut up!
- Are you serious?
- Mm.
I am gonna miss sleeping
in that waterbed, though.
I don't think we'll be
doing too much sleeping.
What are we gonna be doing?
I don't know.
Bingeing a series?
You're gonna love her.
Did I ever tell you
that she's the first person
- to make me a sous-chef?
- No.
Yeah!
Sophie!
All!
Merci!
Merci!
Bon apptit.
Mm. By the way,
you can order anything you want,
because dinner is on the house.
Look at this! What?
Oh, yay! You know what?
No, I'll pour it.
You don't have to.
Thank you so much.
Merci beaucoup.
Merci!
Look at you!
Baby, come on, free champagne
and free dinner, and free hotel.
I'm blown away. You are
the queen of Quebec City.
- And you are my king, monsieur.
- Oh, thank you, darling.
Um, before we toast
to this great night,
I just wanted to let you know
that I see how supportive
you've been,
and it's meant so much to me.
There you are!
The woman I have been hunting.
Ruby, I... I thought
you were shooting.
Oh, that's why they call me
the one-take wonder, darling.
I spoke to your dad,
and he told me
you guys
were having dinner here.
Oh! All, Solange, babe!
Hi, Ruby!
I wanted you to meet
my good friend, Avi Donaldson.
Good friend? Best friend.
After the reviews
I've written for her, Jesus.
It's true.
I'm sorry. My bestie
and the most important
food critic in London.
His wit is as cutting
as his reviews.
Mademoiselle. My God!
You are even more
stunning than she rhapsodized.
Obviously,
I've been chatting you up.
Mind if we join you guys
for a quick drink?
Um, it's just that--
It's just that what?
Nothing. I mean, a drink
sounds really nice,
right, Gordon?
It does sound nice,
but this is a two-top,
and with the fire code,
I'm a little concerned
about exiting safely.
Oh, don't worry, Gordie.
We won't stay long.
He's got a flight to catch.
Carpe diem, as the Latins say.
- Carpe fucking diem.
- Whoo! Ladies!
Excuse my reach.
I could have passed it, bro.
What are we drinking to?
Well, not to make
tonight about me...
Please do.
I'm about to close
a five-year deal
with a major streamer
who shall remain nameless.
Rhymes with Petflix.
Hulu.
No, it's Netflix.
Ah!
Which will put us in over
200 million homes worldwide.
Are you serious?
That's... that's fantastic!
Mm-hmm.
It's bloody brilliant!
And we are almost out of bubbly.
Well, we had plenty
until you poured two thermoses
over there.
We're gonna actually order
some appetizers, right, baby?
Thank God. I am famished.
Mademoiselle!
Right away. I'm not a figment
of your imagination.
Uh, 36 oysters.
Don't fob us off with any
of that Nova Scotia bullshit.
I want Prince Edward Island.
Malpeques, babe.
We can do separate checks,
not everyone together.
He's joking, right?
Yeah.
Of course he's fucking joking.
You are joking?
Yeah, I'm joking.
Hilarious. Cheers!
To jokes!
To jokes.
Ah, so funny!
So, we hadn't caught
anything in hours,
when Ruby suddenly notices
something bobbing in the water.
It was a dolphin that was caught
in some old fishing net.
The poor thing had been
struggling for days,
if not weeks.
Have you ever seen
an emaciated dolphin?
No.
It's awful.
Like models in the '90s.
I mean, attractive, obviously,
but deeply unhealthy.
Anyway, um,
without batting an eye,
- Aqua Girl over here...
- Oh, stop it.
No, but keep going.
It's a great story.
...dove into
the frigid Atlantic,
cutting free
the majestic cetacean.
It was the right thing to do.
Yeah.
Fuck me, it was incredible.
It swam alongside
the boat for hours,
just grateful to be alive
'cause of this goddess.
Well, I think
it had more to do
with the mackerel
we were feeding it.
Or because the DJ on board
was absolutely crushing it.
Oh, they really were.
They were really good, yeah.
Anyway, enough
of Ruby's heroics.
Gordon, I'm being so rude.
I haven't asked
what it is you do.
Oh, um, I'm an academic.
Oh, a professor!
Pray tell us, which university's
hallowed halls
do you grace with your insights?
- I teach eight grade English.
- Yeah.
Teacher of the year,
two years in a row.
Hey, that's not nothing.
Man, I was a terrible student.
Kicked out of high school.
But I think we can all agree
that traditional schooling
is a bit antiquated.
Oh, yeah...
Oh, Sophie didn't tell me
you were also an expert
in education reform.
Come on, Gordon.
I'm not trying
to shit on your job.
I'm just saying
that there are other ways
to forge a path to success.
Exhibit A.
And what an exhibit it is!
Excuse me, I'm gonna go
forge a path to the urinal.
Okay.
Is he mad at us?
Oh, fucking asparagus!
It must have been in the potage.
What's potage?
Soup.
Come on, mate.
Well, it looks like
I'm missing my flight.
Yeah, so much
for that quick drink, huh?
Free word of advice, friend.
I don't know you very well,
but Ruby, I do know.
And let me tell you,
when a woman like that
sets her sights on something,
she always gets what she wants.
What is that supposed to mean?
Did she say something to you?
A woman like that doesn't
need to say much, does she?
That's even more cryptic.
Is it? Is it?
He's right.
You gotta do it tonight.
You don't need a ring.
You don't need
her father's blessing.
You just need
the balls to do it.
Carpe fucking diem. Let's go.
Sophie, there's something
I want to ask you.
What's wrong? What happened?
It's Mammie. She's dead.
No!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh...
Are we sure?
They're coming
to get her already?
I thought
we had more time.
But we don't.
Uh, babe, you look chilly.
Let me just
grab you a sweater, okay?
- Yeah. Thanks, babe.
- Okay. I love you.
This is crazy.
Gotta get the ring.
It's for Sophie, Mammie.
I'm so sorry.
Work with me, okay, on this?
Oh! Your lips are so cold.
Yes!
Oh!
Hey.
What's going on?
I'm just paying
my respects.
She's been so kind to me
ever since I got here, so...
Mm-hmm.
She looks so peaceful, you know?
Yeah, that's how she's been
since I've been here, just...
just resting in peace.
It's hard to lose a mother.
I do know that.
Oh, I'd like to
share something, Father.
Um, I am a woman of few words.
Then just shut up.
It's a little something
I wrote last night,
so just bear with me.
Imagine strings.
What's happening?
She's singing.
I know. I'm just...
It's so beautiful.
Right.
Thank you for the song.
It was really gorgeous,
beautiful.
Yeah, anytime.
I'm here for you.
Bring it in.
Yeah. I've been selling weed,
like, since I was a little kid.
Oh, congrats.
They called me
the Cowboy du Cannabis.
But then
the government made it legal,
which sucked huge.
Yes.
I'm still in agriculture.
Good.
Don't you worry.
I have a small grow-op
of coniferous trees.
Oh, cool!
Yeah,
Christmas is pretty big
in New York City as well.
Oh yeah? You want a tree?
No, thank you. It's July.
Exactly.
Give you a good price!
Quite a performance.
Oh, it was a straight
from the heart.
It wasn't even rehearsed.
Yeah, I could tell.
Uh, listen, I don't want
to overstep any boundaries,
but I do think
it's probably a good idea
to go ahead
and cancel the shoot.
I think it would
give those of us
who are actually in the family
a little... a little space
to grieve, you know,
in private, without the circus
of a reality television show.
Nah. The show must go on.
That's not really a thing.
That's a saying
they use in show business.
It's, uh, not something
that applies
to real-world tragedy.
We're in the middle of a...
Alphie, you poor man.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Oh, no.
Um, but I've been giving it
a lot of thought,
and maybe we should reschedule.
We'll give your family
the appropriate amount of time
to grieve without the circus
of reality television.
That is so considerate of you.
Yeah, sounds a bit like
what I just said
two seconds ago in the kitchen.
Ruby's right, Dad.
We should reschedule.
Yeah, Ruby said it,
but I... I said it to Ruby,
and now you know it,
and now she sort of
disseminated it to the group.
And now I think
we're all on the same page
that the appropriate thing
is to have some time to grieve.
No.
The show must go on.
It really must!
Hi, Gordie.
Mm.
Flow like, uh,
water. Comme Bruce Lee.
I liked your
Tonya Harding idea better.
We're gonna do things
a little differently today,
seeing as that our host's pantry
is an entire farm.
And not just any plot of land,
but the greatest supplier
of organic meats
on this side of the world.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the Tremblay family!
Say "bonjour,"
you French Canadian phenoms.
Bonjour!
We're gonna start things off
with a duck hunt
with this gorgeous fam,
followed by a confit
I will prepare
with the daughter
of these lands,
chef extraordinaire
Sophie Tremblay.
That's my girlfriend.
What do you say, Sophie?
I say
let's get out of the pantry
and shoot some birds.
Bang, bang!
Pow, pow, pow!
Oh, boy!
Oh, no!
Good day for it, huh?
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What, um...
....what are you wearing?
What? Is the hat too much?
No, no, you just...
look like you're gonna repair
a cell tower.
Oh. I spoke to Mr. Bouchard
at the hunting shop,
and I just said, "Give me
the best money can buy."
He hooked me up with all this.
You know,
it's fully reflective,
head to toe.
Head to toe, I can see that.
Yes.
Okay, I'm sensing
I may have been upsold a bit.
But you know what?
Don't laugh at me,
because I come
from British stock.
Hunting is in my blood.
Oh, yeah?
'Cause I remember you crying
when that pigeon flew into
our living-room window and died.
Yeah, 'cause we couldn't
eat it. A wasted death.
Or am I misreading this,
and Ruby said
this was for the family
and you don't want me
to be included, right?
What? Babe, no. No, no, no.
You're always included.
You know that, right?
Okay. Good.
I want to be part of things.
- I wanna-- All right,
- Yeah. Yeah.
I want to hunt.
You're part of all of it.
Come here.
Has anyone seen Gordon?
Anyone?
Ha, ha! Very funny.
Though duck hunting
may seem barbaric,
it's actually very important
for our ecosystems.
This is fun, hey, babe?
I'm just so excited
to assassinate
something majestic!
Yes!
Fuck off.
Shooting blanks, Gordo?
I had the, uh, the safety on.
But safety first!
I got a fish!
Yeah, great! See?
I knew you had it in you!
Oh! So supportive.
It's not a sport,
it's a massacre.
Thing just wants to fly.
I got one!
Shooting blanks...
He's huge! He's a biggun!
Oh no!
False alarm!
False alarm, guys.
I didn't get anything.
Stop being humble, Gordon.
You gotta celebrate your kill!
My kill wants privacy.
Oh, my God, Gordon,
that's not a duck,
that's a swan.
Oh, no, Coucou!
Hey, shit, dude!
I... I got blinded by the sun,
and I... I thought
it was a... a large duck.
Also, in my defense,
I think I may have
gotten a bad kazoo,
'cause this definitely
calls swans.
I think it's time
to turn in your gun, Golden Eye.
Let's cut, guys. Okay?
Should we cut
for a second, please?
Our duck has
roasted in its fat
for about an hour and a half,
and now, the meat should
literally fall off the bone.
Mm! Look at all those juices
caressing the thighs.
Nice and moist,
just the way I like it.
Perfect. Now I would like
to bring out Monsieur Tremblay!
Come on over,
Alphie, you musky hunk!
I would like to announce
that Tremblay Farms
will be the sole lamb supplier
for my new restaurant, Ruby,
at the Chteau Frontenac,
opening this summer
in gorgeous Quebec City.
For real?
Well, thank you!
And a special shout out
to the original gangster,
the Tremblay matriarch,
Mammie Tremblay.
May you grace the farmlands
of heaven for all of eternity.
Cut! Best show ever!
Ruby! Ruby!
Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby!
Ruby, Ruby, Ruby...
I was freaking out!
It did not show on camera?
I felt like I was on, like,
this buzz, like my lips were...
my lips were
sticking to my teeth.
I was sweating.
I couldn't...
No.
No, shut up, honestly.
You were incredible.
I mean, you'll get phone calls
for your own show from this.
I'm telling you.
You're beautiful.
Phone's gonna be ringing.
Okay, madame.
So, Ruby,
you're a Jag girl, huh?
I would have thought
you'd drive, like,
an electric car
to set a good example
for your legions of followers.
Well, not to throw my bestie,
Elon, under the Hyperloop,
but some experts say
that those batteries
are more toxic
to the environment
than CO2 emissions.
Well, I think your experts
are full of shit.
I think you're jealous
I drive a collectible.
Well, you can collect...
Keep working on that.
Everyone! Attention,
s'il vous plat!
Ruby has a speech, everybody!
Gather 'round!
Maybe there'll be a song.
Well, Sophie, it has been
an epic two weeks.
Yeah.
And in that time,
I've seen you
explode out of your chrysalid
like a fiery monarch.
So I wanted to take
this opportunity,
in front of your entire family,
to offer you the executive chef
position at the Chteau.
You won the job!
Hey!
Surprise!
I want to make a speech, too.
I got a speech, too!
I got a...
I got a speech, too, everybody.
Uh, thank you
for your attention.
All just really beautiful.
Babe, I love you so much.
And she's right,
you're incredible.
You're incredible,
and I love you.
And it's just to me, personally,
it's a shame that you're gonna
be wasting your talents
on some poser chef's
vanity project.
- Gordon...
- No.
I mean, that was a power move,
swooping in and saving
the entire farm from bankruptcy.
I mean, hats off to you.
You gotta win over
the dad, right?
That's enough.
Yeah, I agree with Alphonse.
It's enough.
It's enough with the fucking
restaurant and the lip line
and the fucking all this.
I've had enough of it.
The girl who can't do wrong.
Whereas everyone thinks I'm
the guy who kills fucking swans
and punches fathers in the face.
At this point, you probably
all think I killed Mammie!
I didn't kill Mammie.
I didn't kill Mammie.
I'm not going
to the chicken house!
You shouldn't be
living in a chicken house!
I bet you're really good in bed.
Is she good
in bed, baby?
Or do you need a refresher,
because I'm sure
she'll give you one.
Someone should be
using the waterbed.
What are you doing?
Fuck!
Sophie, wait, wait, wait!
What the hell
is wrong with you?
I'm sorry, I was tryna be funny.
Everyone was laughing.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
- So I only got this job
because she wants
to sleep with me?
Is that what you think?
Forget about all the hard work
that I've put into this, right?
Well, admit there's
a chance I'm right.
Did you ever
want me to have this?
Do you want to have it?
Because we have
a pretty fucking great life,
where you're cooking food
that you love.
But I don't know, Sophie.
Maybe there aren't
enough cameras around.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I have ambition.
I'm sorry
that she believes in me.
Believes in you?
She's in love with you!
Are you kidding me?
How do you not see that?
You definitely see that, right?
And of course she is,
because you're fucking perfect!
But I think you need
to admit to yourself
that you're also
still in love with her.
She did break your heart, right?
Yeah. Yeah,
she broke my heart.
And then I left her.
And I found you.
And then,
she came crawling back...
and you thought,
"Maybe I could sleep my way
to a Michelin star."
I think you should go.
You heard her.
I did.
And remember,
if you can't handle the heat,
throw on some oven mitts,
because everyone
belongs in the kitchen.
Till next time!
Sophie...
Hey!
Thank you so much, man.
I really appreciate it.
I couldn't show my face
after everything that happened.
Here you go.
So humiliating.
Anyway, how is she?
She was gone
before I woke up.
Right.
It's the big night, huh?
Forget about all that.
Are you ready?
Are you ready
to crush this test?
I'm so nervous,
I could piss my legs, you know.
"Piss my pants"
is the expression,
but I doubt
that's gonna come up.
Don't worry.
Thanks for believing in me,
Gordon.
You're a good guy.
Go make me proud, okay?
Kick ass. Do it for Van Damme.
Yeah.
Hey...
She still loves you.
Good luck!
("L'AMOUR L'AMOUR L'AMOUR"
BY BON ENTENDEUR
AND MOULOUDJI PLAYING)
Can we have someone else come
and bring these out?
Right away!
Voil, chef.
Merci!
Ah!
Merci!
Merci beaucoup!
VIP!
Ah, cool.
Oh!
I'm flying out on the red eye.
So, that's it?
What do you mean?
Have you not been listening?
It's over. I lost.
Honey, I love you.
But you've played it safe
way too long.
You've never left
this neighborhood. I mean,
you teach at the high school
that you went to.
And that's
a little bit my fault.
When your mother passed away,
I did everything I could
to protect you, and I...
I think I turned you
into a bit of a pussy.
Are you trying to be helpful?
She's a fighter, Gordon!
It runs in her family.
So, fight back and show her
you're not down for the count.
That's what marriage is!
If you get on that plane, son,
you'll be giving up
the greatest thing
that's ever happened to you.
And as much as I'd love
to keep you close,
I'd rather have you living
happily in another country
than be miserable in Brooklyn.
Also, for Christ's sakes,
would you get me
a goddamn Canadian passport?
I can't just show up, Dad, okay?
This is the biggest night
of her life.
I'm the last person in the world
she wants to see.
I'm gonna make an ass of myself.
That's exactly
what you have to do!
Holy shit, you're right!
Wow!
Oh!
Pretty
effin delish, am I right?
Oh! Don't forget
to eat the plates.
They're made entirely
out of compressed crab.
Oh! So good!
Okay, bon apptit!
No.
Hey, hey!
I'm so sorry.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh!
I've never done this in
my life before, I swear. I-I...
I need to, um... I don't know
how to say it en franais.
Uh, I need to...
Are you on the list?
I am on the list.
Yeah?
Well, I was on the list.
It's been a pretty crazy
24 hours,
and I don't know
if I'm still on the list.
It really depends on when
the list was created and edited.
So, if you look,
it's Gordon Kinski.
- Kin... With a K?
- Yeah.
Kinski. No, you're not.
But I hear Cirque du Soleil
is hiring right now.
Can I just talk to you
mano a mano for just one second?
This is one of those
times in life
where you can really step up
and do the right thing,
because my future, my happiness,
my true love is in there,
and I need your help
to make things right.
There's a fork in the road.
It's all in your tiny, beautiful
little manicured hands.
What do you say? Please,
I'm begging you, let me in.
Hey,
I'm just storming the castle.
How's your night going?
("LAISSE UNE CHANCE
NOTRE AMOUR"
BY CLAUDE FRANOIS PLAYING)
Soph.
Hey.
You know,
I just wanna say, I'm sorry
about everything
Gordon has put you through.
You're handling yourself
like a true pro.
Thanks. It's a little
overwhelming, but...
With great success
comes a ton of jealousy.
Believe me, I know.
But the sooner you cut
those toxic people
out of your life,
the higher you can fly.
Gordon.
Alphonse.
You got
a lot of nerve coming here.
You're right. Last night
I was a complete asshole.
I'm so sorry.
I was totally drunk
and insecure.
I'm not making excuses.
I... I take full responsibility.
But I love your daughter,
and I'm not giving up
that easily.
I want to ask you
for her hand in marriage.
We're magic together.
And I don't just mean
in the kitchen.
Why pretend?
We both want this.
Oh, my God!
You are the last person
I would ever want to be with.
Things change.
Sometimes, for the best.
Don't you know how much
I've done for you?
You called me, okay?
So don't act like
you're some kind of savior here.
Okay, I'm sorry,
but who saved your shitty
family farm from bankruptcy?
She deserves to be happy.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I killed your swan.
I want you
to remember this moment.
When you could have
been something,
but you threw it all away
and went back to being nothing.
'Cause that's what you are
without me. You're nothing.
And I want you
to remember this moment...
when I broke your
perfect little nose.
What the fuck?
Oh, not the face! Malcolm!
Hey, hey, hey!
Huh?
Yes.
Guys...
You want me out of here, Ruby?
I'm out of here.
As soon as I figure out
how to drive manual.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go!
- Hey!
- Sorry!
Come on!
Gordon!
Hey, all!
Okay.
Ease it out.
Ease it out. Come on!
In second gear.
You know what, I do need to...
Clutch down.
Where are you, two? Is that it?
Oh! Merci.
No, no, no!
I'm just borrowing it, sir!
Oh, shit!
Yes! I am the best
at car chases!
A lot of grinding...
Clutch down.
Yeah, second gear, yes!
Yes! Yes!
Yes! No, no, no!
Shit!
Hey!
Hey, sweetie!
I had the most
horrible dream, babe.
I saw you kiss Ruby...
and then I drove her car
into a building.
That all happened.
But she kissed me,
and I punched her in the face.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh! That makes me so happy.
What about your job?
I quit.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm not.
There's something
I wanted to ask you.
Will you marry me?
Where did you get that?
When the nurses
cut your pantaloons off,
they found it in your pocket.
They destroyed my pantaloons?
They did.
They were rented.
But, babe, I wanted to ask
your father's permission first.
It's important to me.
Alphonse?
You have my blessing.
Welcome to the family, Gordie!
So?
I love you so much.
Give me your beautiful finger.
Oh, my God!
Ah, baby,
my ribs are... Careful, okay.
Ah! Ow!
Oh, babe! Ow! Ow!
As Cassius famously
said to Brutus:
"It is not in the stars
to hold our destiny...
but in ourselves."
That's not gonna be on the test.
It's just a quote
I really like.
Remember, oral exams
are Tuesday.
- One minute each!
- Don't worry.
When I oral,
it's always at least one minute.
Double-entendre
from Robert, everybody.
Alphonse!
Hey, Gordie!
All!
Hey!
So,
can you grab these?
Merci.
Hey, everybody!
Amazing!
Oh!
So, Junior, you're a cop, huh?
Yes, sir!
You ever shot anyone?
Uh, no.
But my girlfriend and I,
we tased a bike thief yesterday.
I'm the one
who saw him first.
I could have tased him.
I don't give a rat's ass,
as long as someone was tased
and justice was served.
Dad, can you watch
your language?
There's a toddler here.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, by the way,
Peter,
I loved your Widow's Hammock.
My goodness! Thank you, Ginette.
I hope I'm not overstepping.
But he will, watch.
But would you consider
being the cover model
for my next book?
- Cover model!
- Yes.
You wanna take it
easy there, l'anglais.
She'd be so happy.
You know,
I never told you,
I have a pretty funny story
about her and the ring.
You do? Really?
No, it wasn't
actually that funny.
It was pretty traumatic,
so never mind.
What?
Ben, yes.
No.
What story
about my mother?
There will be
no chou-fleur until you tell us.
No, jamais.
How about a toast
to change the subject?
It's "Familla"?
Famille.
la familla.
Famille.
la famille.
la famille!
Voil!
Gordon?
Mm-hmm?
Why does it smell
like burnt toast?
Because I made you breakfast.
Yeah, check it out!
What is it?
What do you mean, "What is it"?
It's clearly eggs Benedict.
Oh, wow! Yeah.
I wanted to do something
extra special.
- Yeah, get in there.
- Mm!
Mayonnaise?
Yeah, it said hollandaise
in the recipe,
but isn't that just French
for "mayonnaise"?
Mayonnaise is French
for mayonnaise
Oh. What's hollandaise?
Hollandaise.
"Hollandaise."
I should have made you cereal.
Stop it!
It did look better
in the picture.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Stop it. Come here.
It's perfect.
Happy last day of school.
In a few days, we're gonna be
in the Adirondacks,
and we're gonna eat
amazing food
and we're gonna drink lots
of beautiful wine.
And sex.
Lots of sex.
You're a miracle.
Why not now?
("YOU'RE THE FIRST,
THE LAST, MY EVERYTHING"
BY BARRY WHITE PLAYING)
Where's my bone broth?
Carrots are fucking perfect,
girls!
Good morning, Jerry!
Cool shoes!
Mr. Kinski!
Yeah, buddy. I'm sorry.
Mr. Kinski, thank you
for the extension.
You're a lifesaver.
Under the wire, Todd.
I knew you had it in you!
Whoa! There she is!
Hey, Vinny!
Saw that review. So, I guess
I won't be able to get a table
no more now that the Times
thinks you're
the next Nancy Silverton.
When you have
the best heirlooms in town,
you always get a table.
What if you used to work
with her?
- Ruby... Hi!
- Hello, Sophie.
It's been a while.
Yeah, wow.
Almost three years.
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
My, um, Pretty Woman look.
Oh! How much?
What are you doing
in New York City?
Actually, looking for you.
Oh, boy.
"Doubt thou
the stars are fire,
doubt that the sun doth move,
doubt truth to be a liar,
but never doubt I love."
Is that Billie Eilish?
Billie Shakespeare.
Greatest bard to ever live.
Now, do any of you know why
I chose to write much of my work
in what's called
iambic pentameter?
No.
It's because it mimics
the beating of the human heart.
Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum.
What better way
to express love... and loss
and the brevity of human life
than the very ticking clock
that's in all of our chests?
Excuse me! My lady doth beckon!
Ooh!
Um, discuss only Shakespeare.
Do I have your word?
Definitely.
It's summer
in, like, an hour.
Mm. Twirl a little?
- Huh?
- Oh!
You know what
pantaloons do to me.
Well, guess what?
I'm gonna bring
this entire outfit
on our vacation.
Um...
What?
Why are you not saying anything?
Still not saying anything.
Please say something.
I've been asked to interview...
for the executive chef position
at the Frontenac.
The Frontenac! That's amazing!
That's the new place
in Greenpoint, right?
I don't know what they cook.
I know It's fusion.
They fuse something.
No,
it's the Chteau Frontenac
in... in Quebec City.
Quebec City, Canada.
Yeah.
A little further north.
They're opening a new restaurant
with this girl
I used to work with.
Ruby Collins. Did I mention her?
No. Not to me.
No?
I was her sous-chef,
and now she's this huge deal,
with, like, a Michelin star
and cookbooks
and her own show and--
So, you'd be moving home.
Oh, my God, no.
It's... it's not an offer.
She's just inviting three chefs
to, you know, refine her menu,
and then she'll decide
who gets the job.
And when...
when's all this happening?
I haven't said yes yet.
I, um,
I wanted to talk to you first
because it would get in the way
of our trip upstate.
Well, babe, are you kidding me?
Of course you have to say yes!
This is everything
you've worked for.
I mean, absolutely!
This is-- This sounds like
a very big deal.
What if I get it?
Dad! Dad, please be home.
I'm in a hurry.
I have 17 minutes
before my next class.
My life hangs
in the balance, Dad.
I swore I wouldn't leave
until I finished
writing chapter five.
Which reminds me, I need you
to pick up my gout medication.
Enough with the intercom talk.
I'm in a hurry. Buzz me in!
I was this close, Gord.
Not to riddle you with guilt...
But you will.
...but I was right there.
I was on the cusp
of figuring out why Mr. Devereux
is suddenly called to the stand
by his paramour.
But enough about my shitty book.
What's your big emergency?
Isn't it a little early
for Scotch, Dad?
With your gout also.
Not when you've had
writer's block for two months.
Gotta fuel the fire
of creativity. Help yourself.
You know, they... they tend
to frown on day drinking
when you teach middle school.
I want to talk to you...
- about Sophie.
- Aw!
Well, it was never gonna last.
No, we're not breaking up.
When it happens, I'll be here,
wasting away on a novel
that won't even make it
to an airport kiosk!
Can you listen to me
for one second?
She just got offered this huge
job interview in Quebec City.
And whether she gets it or not,
I realized that she's the one.
I don't wanna be
with anyone else ever again.
And... and I'm gonna
fly up there with her.
Flying?
Yeah.
You haven't been on a plane
since you were 13.
You remember
how that panic attack went?
I know.
Luckily for the passengers,
my little arms
weren't strong enough
to get the emergency hatch out.
But...
...I'm gonna do it.
And that leaves me
to the real reason I'm here...
Mom's ring.
My God!
Yeah.
My son is a genius!
How so?
Marrying Sophie
to get Canadian citizenship.
It's brilliant!
No, Dad, I--
It's gotta be a formality
to get your old man a passport.
This country has been
in a goddamn free fall
since Vietnam!
We gotta get up there
and beat the rush.
It's not an immigration ploy.
She's my soul mate!
Say it just like that
to the people at the border.
Dad, where is the ring?
The ring. The...
Yes, of course. The ring.
Mr. Devereux left it
in Daphne's carriage!
That's how she knew!
That's how I end
this God forsaken chapter!
I'm gonna go check your bedroom.
Check out this bling. What?
I know. It belonged
to my great-grandmother,
Gertrude. She came all the way
from Ireland aboard the Titanic.
Isn't that crazy?
Against all odds, it survived,
even though she was down
in third class,
river dancing with Leo.
Isn't she nice?
Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Okay.
Who's got eyes on it?
Don't move an inch.
Nobody move an inch!
That is a precious heirloom.
Look down and see
if you see sparkle.
I got it!
Thank you. Whoo!
You just went from a B to an A,
young lady.
Why is it rusty?
It's not rusty. It's an antique.
That's not even a diamond.
It's a diamond, trust me.
It's just cloudy
from the seawater.
Diamonds are a tool
of emotional manipulation
contrived by baby boomers.
Okay, Greta Thunberg, thank you.
Show and tell is over.
You guys are a bad buzz.
Mr. Kinski?
Yes, Samuel, go for it.
I think he's gonna say yes.
Okay, well, he is a woman.
And I hope that she says yes.
I mean, she doesn't care
about material wealth,
like some people.
She likes simple things.
- Then you're her man!
- Hilarious.
Chase, I told you to try out
for improv. You chose hockey.
All right, let's get into this.
Oh, man! I really am late.
I'm so sorry.
Have a great summer!
And, uh, please read!
The future of humanity
depends on it.
Franklin, up high.
Ladies and gentlemen,
if you could please return
to your seats and buckle up,
we're going through
a little turbulence.
We'll resume drink service
momentarily. Thank you.
That's a lot of shaking, huh?
I think that's too much shaking.
It's supposed to shake.
It's like a car
on a country road. It's fine.
I don't know if you clocked
the flight attendant.
Not smiling.
And they're trained to smile.
Okay, let me distract myself
by working
on the things I memorized.
Your father's name is Alphonse.
Your mother's name is Ginette.
They met in high school.
Your sister's name is Juliette.
She just had a baby.
Yep.
And her baby daddy left her
and went back to Romania,
so your brother, Junior,
hates him.
But he's gonna love me
if I bring up
mixed martial arts.
Do you have any idea how hard
this molecular gastronomy stuff
is?
I... I...
I really have to focus.
Okay, focus, babe.
No more from me.
Thank you.
I'll just study
the safety card.
These people on here
look way too happy.
Who'd be smiling
if this happened?
Why are they so happy
going down the slide?
Did you watch
the safety demonstration?
I don't even know where
my raft is. Where's your raft?
Babe, if we crash,
there's no swimming or rafting.
There's nothing,
except maybe the black box.
Why would you say that?
Babe, come on, I gotta focus!
Okay, but wow! Wow, wow!
That's not even funny.
Is that a pill?
Yeah,
my father gave it to me.
It's a relaxant.
He knows I'm not a great flyer.
He said it'll take the edge off.
But you're drinking wine.
Baby I've had only three
and a half glasses.
I'm not flying the damn thing.
Ay, ay, ay.
Wow!
All right. Now, I can relax.
I don't know,
Peter, what color the pill was.
Yellow-ish?
It tasted yellow-ish.
Hang on a second.
Baby, I can't feel my face.
Can you feel your face?
Check your face.
Oh, shit, Sophie!
There's a fifty-fifty
I gave him a Quaalude
instead of a Valium.
A Quaalude?
Listen, the '80s
were fucking bananas, man.
Well, the '80s is happening
to your son's brain right now.
Well, tell him
to have a good time.
It should wear off
in a couple hours.
A couple of hours?
Do you know how much
I love this woman?
I gotta go.
I love you!
Gordon, Gordon. You're shouting.
You're shouting.
Oh. my God.
Get it together, Gordon.
- Are you mad at me?
- I'm sorry, babe.
My father says
you're gonna break up with me.
I'm not gonna
break up with you, Gordon.
You should!
I don't deserve you.
Gordon, look at me.
My parents...
Oh!
...are right outside
those doors, okay?
I'll explain to them
what happened.
You just need to stay
in the chair.
- Stay in the chair.
- Mm. And...
Not going anywhere.
Don't say
anything stupid.
I'm not even gonna talk,
except to say that I love them.
I really need you right now
to get it together.
Can you get it together?
Hey!
Gordon?
Honey, I found the bag!
No, Gordon, Gordon,
no, no, no, no, no!
You don't...
you don't need to do that!
My bag is trying
to go back on the plane!
Hmm.
Okay, be cool.
Hey, guys, I am so sorry!
I... I hope that she explained
to you everything that happened.
My father roofied me.
But I'm feeling a lot better.
And the good news is
they're not gonna press
any charges
about riding
their baggage claim.
Let's start over.
Ginette, Alphonse,
it's so nice to meet you.
Let me help you
with the bag.
Okay, I'll help her.
Let me help you,
please, Ginette.
Thank you.
- Okay. Let's start over. Okay?
We're all friends.
Okay.
Look at this place.
Unbelievable.
Four hundred years of history!
Are those the infamous
Plains of Abraham
where General Montcalm
and General Wolfe
fought to the death?
Mm! Someone did their homework.
Down with the Brits, I say!
That's something we Americans
and you French
have in common.
There it is, baby.
The Frontenac.
Oh! You didn't tell me
it was an actual castle.
That's where you're gonna work?
I mean, we'll see.
Sophie said
you hand-built the house
with your father
when you were a kid?
Two years of blood and sweat.
Wow! The pictures
don't do it justice!
Look at that flagstone,
the masonry!
That's a lost art.
You know,
I'm a bit of a builder myself.
Not houses like
this masterpiece,
but are you familiar with
the Lego architectural series?
Yeah, they say 13 and up,
but if you're not in your 20s,
forget about it!
Yeah. Yeah.
I just finished the Taj Mahal.
And this one
was particularly hard,
right, babe? 'Cause I bought it
on eBay,
and the instructions
were in Korean.
Yeah,
that's what he wants to hear,
that you play with toys.
You fucking idiot. Hey!
Laurent!
Hello!
Gordon, come,
come meet my family.
Hi!
No, no, no,
I... I understand French,
actually pretty well,
thanks to her tutelage.
But my speaking
is a little comme ci, comme a.
Oh, no, your French
is great, honey. For real.
Ah! We'll see.
Um. Okay, so,
this is my cousin Patrice.
Hi!
My aunt, Claudette,
my uncle, Michel...
So nice to meet you.
...my sister, Juliette,
and her baby, Laurent...
Laurent!
...and my brother,
Junior.
And last but not least,
Mammie Tremblay.
Well, of course
I've heard about Mammie!
Gotta kiss the cheek
of the matriarch!
No, no, no, I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God!
- Oh!
- I'm so sorry.
She has dementia.
Oh, okay. Okay, yeah.
My... my uncle Lester
has dementia, so I understand.
I've been there. Is it harder
on them or on us? I mean...
Of course,
I never kissed my uncle Lester,
but...
I'll get the bags!
Aw! Hey, little buddy!
My majestic, feathered friend.
What's your name? Oh!
Shit! How are you this fast?
Oh!
Oh, babe,
I'm so sorry. You okay?
Yeah, I got it all,
I got it all.
I just got attacked
by a white pterodactyl.
Oh, yeah, that's Coucou.
She's, uh, our swan.
She's lived on the farm forever.
She can be a bit cranky.
I don't think she's a fan yet,
but I'm gonna win her over.
This place
is so cute.
Thank you.
Where are we staying?
Where should I put--
Um, so, my sister and her baby
are going to be sleeping
in our old room,
so we'll be taking my brother's,
which is, um, straight up
the stairs, second on the left.
You want some help?
No, I got it.
Go talk to your family.
I'm fine!
You sure?
All right. You okay?
Yeah, I got it. I got it.
Go talk to your family.
Hello!
Samurai Kinski,
here for the briss.
Oh! I'm so sorry, man.
I've just never seen
one of these in real life.
It's so cool.
It's awesome.
It says, "Made in China."
Aren't samurai Japanese?
But it's still...
it's still beautiful
and... and... and very sharp.
So, you didn't get gypped there.
Sophie says, uh,
that you are an English coach?
Well, I teach, uh,
eighth grade English, yeah.
You're asking
for help? I'll totally help.
Of course! Of course!
Well, let's make
that dream come true, bud!
Yes!
I won't.
You're good.
- Okay, thank you.
- Hey!
Of course.
("UN MUSICIEN PARMI
TANT D'AUTRES"
BY HARMONIUM PLAYING)
Hey, toi! Bon...
Oui.
Mm. Hmm...
Voil!
Sophie Jeanne Tremblay!
Oh.
Juliette...
- George!
- Uh. It's Gordon.
Jordan...
Sure.
You're from New York?
You're a Rangers fan?
What do you think of Lafrenire?
Oh, I actually
don't follow hockey.
But I... I love figure skating.
Figure skating?
Yeah, uh, sure.
You know, Boitano, Yamaguchi,
Hamilton, and of course,
I'm not forgetting
all the Canadian greats, uh,
Stojko, Browning,
Sal and Pelletier
with that incredible performance
in Salt Lake City.
Mammie, you remember that?
I mean, to land a quad,
and then to go
right into a triple Axel?
Insanity. Who does that?
I'll tell you who. They did.
Also, the costumes...
dazzling.
A fellow guest. Let me.
No, stay. I'll... I'll get it.
This is too... You're...
Voil!
Actually, when I was a kid,
I, uh...
Ruby!
Hi! You're here! Wh...
Well,
you couldn't join us for drinks,
so, I brought the drinks to you.
Hey, tout le monde,
you remember Ruby?
Oh, ben, tabarnak!
Alphie...
I brought you
your favorite, an '86 Pomerol.
Oh!
Birth year of this bombshell.
But they only had a magnum,
so I hope you're thirsty.
It's too much. Merci beaucoup!
Junior, if I could--
So, you're
the famous Ruby Collins.
And you must be
the one-and-only Gordon.
I never got your family name.
Uh. It's Kinski.
But don't worry about that.
I gotta say,
when Sophie told me about you,
I... I pictured someone
a little more like Julia Childs.
Not someone so...
Dazzling?
Dazzling is right!
And you will not believe
what happens that day.
The compressor breaks
that morning!
That's a nightmare!
- And the Secret Service gets there.
- Oh, I remember.
And we have nothing
to feed the Obamas.
And then Sophie here confessed
that she had a pound and a half
of Japanese bluefin
that she was going
to surprise me with
for my birthday dinner.
Oh, you're so sweet, baby.
She runs back to her place,
grabs the fish.
We cook them this,
oh, incredible meal.
And now I have
Michelle's number in my phone.
Are you kidding me?
Like, you could text
Michelle Obama right now?
Mm. And Sasha and Malia.
We should send them,
like, a funny GIF or something.
Babe, you never told me
you cooked for POTUS and FLOTUS.
He wasn't even
in office anymore.
Oh, it's not a big deal.
He wasn't in office.
He's just hanging out
with Michelle and, like, Jay-Z.
You gotta be kidding me.
That is so cool.
Hey, by the way,
cooking for heads of state
should definitely factor into
the decision-making process.
- Am I right, parents? Right?
- That's right.
- It will.
- Good, good.
And what about you,
Gordon?
Mm!
I mean,
what are you gonna do
while I keep your girlfriend
locked away in the castle?
Oh, don't worry about me.
I will be fully booked
making sure Junior here
doesn't fail
his English exam again.
Right, buddy?
This is delicious,
by the way.
Well, this is going really well.
Hey! I think you're doing great.
I've been here six hours.
I've been interrogated
by the feds.
I made out with your grandma.
I betrayed your brother.
It's not going great.
Yeah, but he should have
told you not to say anything.
You know what?
They fight all the time.
So, don't worry you about it,
okay?
On the other hand,
that Ruby is amazing, huh?
Yeah, yeah,
she's... she's something.
I mean, cooking steaks
in a volcano with Bear Grylls?
He's a lucky guy.
Is someone crushing a little?
Uh, I don't think I have a shot,
babe. That whole story she told
about Victoria Secret models
in Ibiza...
Yeah, wow.
But, hey, you could
use it to your advantage.
A little flirting
could go a long way.
That's smart.
Speaking about flirting...
Go on.
I would also like
to go a long way.
Mm...
What's happening?
She can't really see
or hear very well,
so if we don't move,
she won't even know we're here.
Like a T-Rex.
Yeah.
Grammy Mammie,
more than meets the eye.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Aw! So cute!
Oh, baby!
Def Leppard, yes!
Hug fest!
Whose dog is that?
What the fuck?
Oh.
Let's go!
Chef will be with you
momentarily.
Hi! I'm Sophie.
Frederick. La Shangra, Chicago.
Antoine. Tic Tac Toe, Byron Bay.
Hey, I know your place!
- Of course you do.
- Good morning,
my impressionable
little cherubs.
Ruby will be the crown jewel
of my culinary empire.
When our guests walk through
those very expensive doors,
they will be thrust
into a gastronomical portal
that will make them
shit their pants.
Time.
Terrible.
You managed to remove
every single atom of flavor.
Nice.
Last and definitely least,
Sophie, I prefer no taste
than this culinary genocide.
I couldn't get the foam to rise.
I don't want
your excuses, Sophie.
I want you to execute.
Because that's the title, right?
Executive chef.
A chef who can execute.
If you're all
gonna be this shit,
tell me now
so I can find real chefs,
not line cooks who couldn't
cut it in a hospital cafeteria.
- Start again.
- Yes, chef!
Yeah, she told me
she'd been with women before,
but this is her ex.
I always sensed
a sapphic energy from her.
Let's not label it, Dad, okay?
She's... she's French.
They explore their bodies
differently over here.
Doesn't change the fact
that she lied to you.
She didn't lie.
She just left out
some of the specifics
because she loves me
and she was protecting
my feelings.
How did I raise you
to be so nave?
Word of advice, pop the question
before she switches teams again!
There will be no switching
of teams, Dad, okay?
She's here in a...
in a professional capacity.
So, was Billie Jean King
with her secretary.
I have no idea
what that means,
but I'm pretty sure
it's not helpful.
I'm just saying,
don't waste any time.
By the way,
French Canadians
were notoriously Catholics.
So you might want
to ask her father first.
Oh, I don't think
he likes me very much.
Then do what you mother
and I did and get her pregnant.
Then he'll force you
to marry her!
This is the worst pep talk
you've ever tried to--
Dad, I gotta go.
- Morning!
- Already up?
You sure you don't want
to sleep an extra 15 minutes?
It's only 9:45.
Oh, I'm just taking in
your incredible property.
It's so beautiful.
Everything is just blossoming.
Your tomatoes are coming in.
Wow! That's a lot of blood.
Come here.
In there?
Hey...
this is, uh...
This is nice!
What a setup you have here.
A lamb?
Why am I getting a lamb?
It's our dinner.
Mm!
That's gonna be great!
You know what else is great?
Is, uh, ratatouille,
or a... or a hearty salad.
I love that.
You... you throw
some walnuts and some beets,
some... some feta cheese.
Everybody loves it.
Everyone will be like,
"Alphonse,
how could-- This is--"
We're having lamb.
Okay. Uh...
Well, I'll go... check
on the little fella,
and see if he's ready...
Mm-hmm.
...to be done with life.
Hey! Hey!
Hey, buddy! Hey!
Hi!
Oh, you're so cute.
I have a sweater just like you.
Hey, come over here.
We need to have
a heart-to-heart.
You and I are gonna have to
go on a little walk together.
Look, here's the problem,
I'm in love, okay?
I have to get this guy to like--
I know you understand, okay?
Maybe we can hang out in heaven.
Alphonse, I think she knows!
There you go.
I hope this is my piece.
You're not a very
physical guy, are you?
Me? No. Well, I am.
I just... I guess
the brain is... is my muscle.
That's...
that's what I use most.
Hmm.
Hey, listen,
about the whole tutoring thing,
I...I just wanted to say
I never meant
to get between you and your son.
I'm sorry about that. I... I...
I should tell you, though,
I feel pretty confident
I could get him to pass.
You can waste my son's time
as much as you want.
Just as long as you
stay out of Sophie's way.
Oh, wow! There's the other leg.
You're good at that!
Not now, Coucou, please!
I need, like, five minutes.
Please, Coucou.
Coucou, can we please
be friends?
Stay, Coucou!
I want you to stay!
Hey, Gordie!
Hey! Hey! I think you won.
I think you kicked its ass.
This is an awesome setup, man.
You got dojo.
You got man cave.
You never need to leave!
Chicken house.
Oh, it was a chicken coop.
Huh. Well,
they were living well.
Oh, sure. It's noon somewhere.
Hey, uh, I wanna
really apologize
to you about last night, man.
I didn't mean to
let the cat out of the bag.
Yeah, I get it.
My father wanted me
to be a dentist, so...
Of course, my father
is a whole lot less intimidating
than yours,
so it was an easier no.
Thank you.
No, it's my pleasure, man.
Please. What else am I gonna do?
I'm happy to help.
But I actually wouldn't mind
a little intel
on your sister and Ruby.
No, it wasn't her.
I stumbled across a picture
where they looked
a little, uh...
Do you know
who broke up with who?
Whom? It's actually "Whom."
Who broke up with whom.
We'll get to
"whom." That's advanced.
That's like, double
black diamond. Back to Ruby.
I didn't get all
of that. You speak very fast.
But I think you said it was Ruby
who was the heartbreaker.
...boring like you.
Oh. By the way,
great pronunciation!
The key is just
to find a way into the material.
And for you, I think
I have the perfect way in.
Huh.
You wanna see
some real fighting,
you can see me fight
at the kumite.
I'm here, too, for the kumite.
Aren't you a little young
for full contact?
Aren't you a little old
for video games?
Okay, so in that example,
"aren't" is a contraction
of "are" and "not."
"Aren't you a little old
for video games?"
That's perfect.
You sound just like Van Damme.
Actually, that will
help us with imperative verbs.
I bet there's plenty in there.
See, that's the thing
about a muscadet.
It's arrogant, yet subtle.
A perfect pairing
for my mozzarella balloons,
which you killed today.
I didn't come here
to fuck spiders.
I hope no one came here
to fuck spiders.
Is that, like, an expression
from...
...Down Under?
You know what? Never mind.
I don't care.
Malcolm, let's move on
to the reds.
Powder to the eyes?
That doesn't seem fair.
That's the thing
about the kumite.
There's no rules.
Check the kick!
Uh-oh! Gunshot!
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Wow!
- Boom!
- Triple kick?
Yeah!
I'm sorry for being
so hard on you.
But I'm not gonna
play favorites.
I brought you here
because of your talent,
not because of our history.
Thanks for saying that.
Anytime.
There's also something else
I need to apologize for.
Oh, no, no. You don't need
to apologize anymore.
No, I do. I do.
I've been talking a lot
with Bren Brown
about accountability.
Which I need to own
for how things ended between us.
I let my ego get the best of me.
You deserved so much better.
Which you seem to have found
in Gordon.
It all worked out
for the best.
Like you said, I found Gordon.
And you! I mean, you--
Look at everything
you've accomplished.
Yeah, I suppose.
You have one of the biggest
cooking shows.
You have, what, like,
three bestsellers.
And are you actually starting
a makeup line?
It's not bad for the daughter
of a Filipina immigrant.
Damn right!
So, is it weird being
back home after so long?
My dad might have to
sell the farm.
Oh, Soph, I'm so sorry.
It's his entire life, you know?
Yeah.
But he's stubborn enough.
I mean, you know him. He'll...
...he'll figure
something out.
Let's get you another drink.
You look like you need it.
I think I need to get home.
I wasn't asking, babe.
This is work, not play.
Oh. Of course.
- Malcolm!
Can we taste another?
Ahoy!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to wake you.
It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.
You were out late.
Yeah, I, uh,
I should have texted.
Ruby had us trying
a bunch of wine pairings.
How was your day?
Oh, my day was great!
I, um, I slaughtered
a little baby lamb
with your father,
and I tutored your brother.
Oh, and I also found out
that you and Ruby
used to be lovers.
So, all in all,
a pretty full day.
Okay, I really
wanted to tell you.
- But I knew you would worry.
- Don't try.
I didn't want you
to worry...
No, no.
Please.
...and turn it
into something it's not,
because it's really nothing.
Oh, it's definitely something.
It's definitely something.
It's a fairly large omission,
don't you think?
Working for your ex?
Definitely should have
factored into the conversation.
I'm sorry. You're right.
I should have been up front.
But it was years ago.
I mean, she was an asshole then.
She's an asshole now.
Well, she seemed pretty darn
charming the other night.
It's all a show. She's a tyrant.
I don't care that she's my ex.
And you shouldn't either.
Well, it's easier said than done
when she looks like
the future of the human race.
Hey, come on. Look at me.
I love you.
And I want you.
No, don't try.
You're not gonna win me back
by trying to have sex with me.
Just make out
with me a little.
Come on, love.
I'm not that easily convinced.
Can I convince you with
that thing I do to your toes?
Well, that could definitely
expedite the healing process.
Mm.
Wait. Ah,
this really hurts my legs.
This is--
No, it'll work, baby.
Let me just anchor.
If I anchor my leg... Here.
I'll just put my hand there.
I'm like an isosceles triangle.
This is so comfy.
Just give me a second, okay?
Yeah, but hold on. Wait.
We're locked
and loaded here, babe.
We don't need a second.
If you take too many seconds,
you might fall asleep.
Babe?
Gordon?
Alphonse, bonjour! Caf?
I assume you take it black.
Hmm.
Gordon, wow! You're up early.
Yeah, I'm just excited.
Uh, beautiful day.
Hey, I wanted to ask if I could
drive Sophie in to work today,
maybe see some of the sights,
and then I'll...
I'll bring her home?
Of course! Keys are hanging
by the front door.
Great.
No,
that's not a good idea.
It's an old truck, you know.
It's hard to handle.
Well, you should try
biking in Brooklyn. It's crazy!
And then, Manhattan,
that's like, um...
But, uh, truck-wise, as long as
it's not manual, I'm good to go.
There's no gas.
I'll fill her up.
Mm.
This is fun,
driving my love
along the riverbanks.
Babe...
Mm.
Can you please just...
just go faster.
As my late mother used to say,
"Under 45, you stay alive."
I knew I should have driven.
You are not driving.
Are you kidding me?
You probably still have alcohol
in your blood. You'd get a DUI.
This is a good pace
for us, okay?
I'm not getting in an accident
in your father's beloved car.
It's here.
What's here?
Here, here.
The exit. You're gonna miss it.
Well, you gotta tell me
sooner than that, baby.
Oh, my God, we missed it!
Well...
There was a motorcyclist
in the lane, babe!
This takes us onto the bridge.
Do you know how late
I'm gonna be?
You will not be
one second late.
Stupid Saint-Laurent.
Sweetheart, I'm sorry,
but the GPS did not account
for exhausted Seabiscuit.
Don't honk at a horse!
That's a thing, I'm sure.
You know what?
Screw this. I'm gonna run.
No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait.
- Bye.
- Babe!
I'm sorry. I love you!
Oh! Well, look who decided
to join us.
I'm so sorry, chef.
Come in late again,
and you're out.
Hey! Whoa! Look at this place!
It's like the kitchen
on the Death Star.
This is incredible! Is this
where Vader gets his Pop Tarts?
Can I help you?
Ruby, I am so sorry. I just
want to be the one to tell you
that Sophie's tardiness
is 100% my fault.
I had to put gas
in her father's car.
Can you believe it takes diesel?
I'm about to put regular
in the wagon here,
and a guy calls me
a clice de tabarnak,
which I thought was an insult.
Turns out, I google it...
Is it bring your boyfriend
to work day,
or is he gonna kindly
get the fuck out of my kitchen?
- Gordon, please.
- I'm so sorry.
Boyfriend reads you
loud and clear.
I'll let you coworkers
do your thing.
You guys are screwed.
You're gonna win, baby!
Team Sophie!
Smoked pine needles.
When I got home last night,
the air just hit me.
It was almost sweet.
It smelled like Christmas.
I thought it would complement
your smoked oysters.
Give it a distinct
local essence.
That is what
I'm talking about, Sophie.
Good work.
Not too bored,
Gordon?
Oh no. Are you kidding me?
I'm having the best time.
I get to hang out with three
lovely Tremblay ladies
instead of just one.
Plus I'm sure Sophie
will be home soon.
I don't know about that.
- What don't you know about?
- Ah! It's just...
When Sophie and Ruby
were together,
it was like Burning Man
every night.
So fun.
Juliette...
Mazel tov.
Mammie...
Uno!
Holy shit!
What's wrong?
Um, will you excuse me
for just one second?
I have to, uh,
use the facilities upstairs.
Oh, but there's
a bathroom right there.
Oh, but it's a
petit numro due...
No!
You and I haven't really had
a chance to just chat alone yet,
have we, Mammie?
Yeah, well, they're--
They're always
doing something up there.
Um...
If we could just chat
for a second about the ring.
That's my great-grandmother's.
And I'm... I'm sensitive
to your condition, I really am,
so, no hard feelings.
But I'm just gonna reach down
and take my ring back, okay?
So I'm gonna just grab it.
Gordie!
Hey, man!
No, I'm fine.
I'm hanging out with the ladies.
I'm having a blast.
That's a great idea
you should go and have fun.
Okay, well...
To be continued!
What are we drinking next?
Shots!
Fucking shooters, mate.
Look, quality is everything.
And if that means importing
my lamb from New Zealand,
then that's what
I'm going to do.
Are you saying that the lamb
from my father's farm
is not as good as New Zealand's?
Well. I mean,
the difference might be slim,
but it is the difference between
excellence and perfection.
Yeah, just like
the slim difference
between being arrogant
and being full of shit?
Well,
someone is confident.
Yeah, 'cause I...
...I swapped out your lamb today
with meat from my father's farm,
and someone
didn't seem to notice.
You absolute assassin.
Hey!
Yo! Hey, Jordan, ostie!
It's Gordon.
Oh!
You hear that?
That's bone. That's a bone.
Daphne!
Is someone gonna help her?
I'm surprised to see you here.
Oh no, I love it. I love it.
I love violence of any kind.
Uh, yeah. Pain is my jam.
- Light change.
Look at the size of that guy!
He's pointing
at me. I didn't do anything!
Come on!
You're fighting?
Him?
Are you out of your mind?
He's like white Shrek!
Let's go!
Fight!
Whoa! That was good, huh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Oui!
Oh!
Fuck yes! David beats Goliath!
He's gonna fight somebody else?
Oh fuck, yes!
Last time they fought,
they ended up in jail, man.
Are you kidding me?
They can't fight.
They're family.
No, false alarm!
Intermission! Intermission!
Call it off! Call it off, sorry!
Sorry, you guys cannot fight.
No, this is my
fault. I'm sorry. It's my fault.
Violence is not the answer.
Think of Sophie, of Ginette.
It's okay!
It gonna end up in two seconds.
- No, no.
- There's not gonna be a fight.
Just stop!
No!
Yeah!
No. No, no.
Again,
I'm so sorry, Alphonse.
No, no, don't be sorry.
It's their fault.
But Gordon did knock him out.
Very accidentally.
Still, you delivered the blow.
The good news is
that father and son
avoided going at it
in the kumite.
I have even better news.
I have a surprise
that will certainly
get you fixed up in no time.
Drum roll.
It's an expression.
You don't...
I have spoken to the network,
and we would be thrilled
to shoot an episode
of Ruby in Your Pantry
right here on your family farm!
I mean, great exposure
for the greatest lamb
in the world. Am I right?
I don't know what to say!
Well, say oui, ma chrie!
Thank you so much!
Wow...
- Wow!
- Thank you so much!
Can I be on TV, too?
Oh, but of course,
it's your farm!
I'm excited about it, too.
Of course she drives a Jag.
Bye! Love your pirate's blouse.
Wow!
This turned out to be
such a great night, right?
Oh, it was fabulous!
You got drunk
with your ex-girlfriend,
and I knocked out your father.
- And that's my fault?
- Yeah, it is.
Because if you hadn't
stood me up again,
I wouldn't have been invited
to family fucking fight club
or whatever that was.
Okay, you know what?
I don't want to do this tonight.
Well, you know what? I do.
I'm just saying, if you look
at things from my point of view,
it feels like I can't
do anything right,
unlike Ruby, who can do
absolutely no wrong.
I can't believe
you're making this about you
when her show can save this farm
from going out of business.
Going out of business?
What are you talking about?
Going out of business?
My dad told me
that they're on the brink
of bankruptcy, okay?
Ruby is just trying to help.
So, you told Ruby,
but you didn't tell me?
I've been spending
more time with her.
I haven't seen you
as much, come on.
Really?
I hadn't noticed.
Oh, my God!
All right,
you know what?
It's been a long week.
Let's just get some sleep.
You've been reading
way too much into this.
You're right, I'm sorry.
I should be happy for you guys.
I didn't know that. I'm sorry.
I just miss you.
I miss you too, honey.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
Psst! Hey!
All right, I'll-
I'll take her back to bed.
No, you know what?
Let me, let me.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, you're tired.
Let me do one thing right
in this house.
All right.
I got it.
Hey, Mammie.
Let's get you back to bed
before the storm hits, okay?
I got you.
All right, Mammie.
There you go.
Time to count some sheep before
your son slaughters them all.
I do need to get
my ring back, though, Mammie.
Just while you're dozing...
Farmer knuckles!
Come on...
Oh, hey! She wandered
into our room, sweet old gal.
I think
she was probably sleepwalking.
I've been tasked
with putting her down again.
You can close it out
if you want to.
We did it. We did it.
Sweet dreams, Mammie.
I'll just get by you.
Do you want me
to sing to your baby?
Oh, I'm good.
Okay.
Oh!
...eroticism.
Mm.
We gotta talk, Coucou!
It's a rule of thumb, okay?
I before E, except after C
or when sounding as A
as in "Neighbor" or "Weigh."
You know what? Forget about it.
Can we take a break?
I am tired, man.
I'm frankly very tired
of my girlfriend
spending every single night
until 2:00 in the morning
with Ruby,
drinking and laughing
and doing all the things
in my mind
that I pray to God
they're not doing.
...smash her legs,
like, you know,
like Tonya Harding.
First of all,
very well-crafted sentence.
But I am gonna pass.
Hey.
Guess what? Best news ever!
Ruby has to do a reshoot
for her show,
which means
I have the night off.
Are you serious?
Yeah, baby!
I'm on my way.
Junior, class dismissed.
- Anglais.
- Okay, um...
would you mind
taking my picture?
I, uh, I have to send it
to my super-hot boyfriend
who's been desperately lonely.
Why don't you forget about him
and fall in love
with a very handsome
English teacher from Brooklyn?
Okay!
You look amazing.
This is so pretty.
Thank you,
- thank you, thank you. So do you.
- Wow!
Where are we going?
I don't know.
It's not the kind of cooking
I really ever thought I'd do,
but I'm getting into it.
And I mean...
living in this city,
with my family,
it really would be amazing.
I think you're
gonna get the job.
I don't have it yet.
Baby, you're gonna get the job.
I have a surprise
for you.
I got the Chteau
to comp us a room tonight.
Shut up!
- Are you serious?
- Mm.
I am gonna miss sleeping
in that waterbed, though.
I don't think we'll be
doing too much sleeping.
What are we gonna be doing?
I don't know.
Bingeing a series?
You're gonna love her.
Did I ever tell you
that she's the first person
- to make me a sous-chef?
- No.
Yeah!
Sophie!
All!
Merci!
Merci!
Bon apptit.
Mm. By the way,
you can order anything you want,
because dinner is on the house.
Look at this! What?
Oh, yay! You know what?
No, I'll pour it.
You don't have to.
Thank you so much.
Merci beaucoup.
Merci!
Look at you!
Baby, come on, free champagne
and free dinner, and free hotel.
I'm blown away. You are
the queen of Quebec City.
- And you are my king, monsieur.
- Oh, thank you, darling.
Um, before we toast
to this great night,
I just wanted to let you know
that I see how supportive
you've been,
and it's meant so much to me.
There you are!
The woman I have been hunting.
Ruby, I... I thought
you were shooting.
Oh, that's why they call me
the one-take wonder, darling.
I spoke to your dad,
and he told me
you guys
were having dinner here.
Oh! All, Solange, babe!
Hi, Ruby!
I wanted you to meet
my good friend, Avi Donaldson.
Good friend? Best friend.
After the reviews
I've written for her, Jesus.
It's true.
I'm sorry. My bestie
and the most important
food critic in London.
His wit is as cutting
as his reviews.
Mademoiselle. My God!
You are even more
stunning than she rhapsodized.
Obviously,
I've been chatting you up.
Mind if we join you guys
for a quick drink?
Um, it's just that--
It's just that what?
Nothing. I mean, a drink
sounds really nice,
right, Gordon?
It does sound nice,
but this is a two-top,
and with the fire code,
I'm a little concerned
about exiting safely.
Oh, don't worry, Gordie.
We won't stay long.
He's got a flight to catch.
Carpe diem, as the Latins say.
- Carpe fucking diem.
- Whoo! Ladies!
Excuse my reach.
I could have passed it, bro.
What are we drinking to?
Well, not to make
tonight about me...
Please do.
I'm about to close
a five-year deal
with a major streamer
who shall remain nameless.
Rhymes with Petflix.
Hulu.
No, it's Netflix.
Ah!
Which will put us in over
200 million homes worldwide.
Are you serious?
That's... that's fantastic!
Mm-hmm.
It's bloody brilliant!
And we are almost out of bubbly.
Well, we had plenty
until you poured two thermoses
over there.
We're gonna actually order
some appetizers, right, baby?
Thank God. I am famished.
Mademoiselle!
Right away. I'm not a figment
of your imagination.
Uh, 36 oysters.
Don't fob us off with any
of that Nova Scotia bullshit.
I want Prince Edward Island.
Malpeques, babe.
We can do separate checks,
not everyone together.
He's joking, right?
Yeah.
Of course he's fucking joking.
You are joking?
Yeah, I'm joking.
Hilarious. Cheers!
To jokes!
To jokes.
Ah, so funny!
So, we hadn't caught
anything in hours,
when Ruby suddenly notices
something bobbing in the water.
It was a dolphin that was caught
in some old fishing net.
The poor thing had been
struggling for days,
if not weeks.
Have you ever seen
an emaciated dolphin?
No.
It's awful.
Like models in the '90s.
I mean, attractive, obviously,
but deeply unhealthy.
Anyway, um,
without batting an eye,
- Aqua Girl over here...
- Oh, stop it.
No, but keep going.
It's a great story.
...dove into
the frigid Atlantic,
cutting free
the majestic cetacean.
It was the right thing to do.
Yeah.
Fuck me, it was incredible.
It swam alongside
the boat for hours,
just grateful to be alive
'cause of this goddess.
Well, I think
it had more to do
with the mackerel
we were feeding it.
Or because the DJ on board
was absolutely crushing it.
Oh, they really were.
They were really good, yeah.
Anyway, enough
of Ruby's heroics.
Gordon, I'm being so rude.
I haven't asked
what it is you do.
Oh, um, I'm an academic.
Oh, a professor!
Pray tell us, which university's
hallowed halls
do you grace with your insights?
- I teach eight grade English.
- Yeah.
Teacher of the year,
two years in a row.
Hey, that's not nothing.
Man, I was a terrible student.
Kicked out of high school.
But I think we can all agree
that traditional schooling
is a bit antiquated.
Oh, yeah...
Oh, Sophie didn't tell me
you were also an expert
in education reform.
Come on, Gordon.
I'm not trying
to shit on your job.
I'm just saying
that there are other ways
to forge a path to success.
Exhibit A.
And what an exhibit it is!
Excuse me, I'm gonna go
forge a path to the urinal.
Okay.
Is he mad at us?
Oh, fucking asparagus!
It must have been in the potage.
What's potage?
Soup.
Come on, mate.
Well, it looks like
I'm missing my flight.
Yeah, so much
for that quick drink, huh?
Free word of advice, friend.
I don't know you very well,
but Ruby, I do know.
And let me tell you,
when a woman like that
sets her sights on something,
she always gets what she wants.
What is that supposed to mean?
Did she say something to you?
A woman like that doesn't
need to say much, does she?
That's even more cryptic.
Is it? Is it?
He's right.
You gotta do it tonight.
You don't need a ring.
You don't need
her father's blessing.
You just need
the balls to do it.
Carpe fucking diem. Let's go.
Sophie, there's something
I want to ask you.
What's wrong? What happened?
It's Mammie. She's dead.
No!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh...
Are we sure?
They're coming
to get her already?
I thought
we had more time.
But we don't.
Uh, babe, you look chilly.
Let me just
grab you a sweater, okay?
- Yeah. Thanks, babe.
- Okay. I love you.
This is crazy.
Gotta get the ring.
It's for Sophie, Mammie.
I'm so sorry.
Work with me, okay, on this?
Oh! Your lips are so cold.
Yes!
Oh!
Hey.
What's going on?
I'm just paying
my respects.
She's been so kind to me
ever since I got here, so...
Mm-hmm.
She looks so peaceful, you know?
Yeah, that's how she's been
since I've been here, just...
just resting in peace.
It's hard to lose a mother.
I do know that.
Oh, I'd like to
share something, Father.
Um, I am a woman of few words.
Then just shut up.
It's a little something
I wrote last night,
so just bear with me.
Imagine strings.
What's happening?
She's singing.
I know. I'm just...
It's so beautiful.
Right.
Thank you for the song.
It was really gorgeous,
beautiful.
Yeah, anytime.
I'm here for you.
Bring it in.
Yeah. I've been selling weed,
like, since I was a little kid.
Oh, congrats.
They called me
the Cowboy du Cannabis.
But then
the government made it legal,
which sucked huge.
Yes.
I'm still in agriculture.
Good.
Don't you worry.
I have a small grow-op
of coniferous trees.
Oh, cool!
Yeah,
Christmas is pretty big
in New York City as well.
Oh yeah? You want a tree?
No, thank you. It's July.
Exactly.
Give you a good price!
Quite a performance.
Oh, it was a straight
from the heart.
It wasn't even rehearsed.
Yeah, I could tell.
Uh, listen, I don't want
to overstep any boundaries,
but I do think
it's probably a good idea
to go ahead
and cancel the shoot.
I think it would
give those of us
who are actually in the family
a little... a little space
to grieve, you know,
in private, without the circus
of a reality television show.
Nah. The show must go on.
That's not really a thing.
That's a saying
they use in show business.
It's, uh, not something
that applies
to real-world tragedy.
We're in the middle of a...
Alphie, you poor man.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Oh, no.
Um, but I've been giving it
a lot of thought,
and maybe we should reschedule.
We'll give your family
the appropriate amount of time
to grieve without the circus
of reality television.
That is so considerate of you.
Yeah, sounds a bit like
what I just said
two seconds ago in the kitchen.
Ruby's right, Dad.
We should reschedule.
Yeah, Ruby said it,
but I... I said it to Ruby,
and now you know it,
and now she sort of
disseminated it to the group.
And now I think
we're all on the same page
that the appropriate thing
is to have some time to grieve.
No.
The show must go on.
It really must!
Hi, Gordie.
Mm.
Flow like, uh,
water. Comme Bruce Lee.
I liked your
Tonya Harding idea better.
We're gonna do things
a little differently today,
seeing as that our host's pantry
is an entire farm.
And not just any plot of land,
but the greatest supplier
of organic meats
on this side of the world.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the Tremblay family!
Say "bonjour,"
you French Canadian phenoms.
Bonjour!
We're gonna start things off
with a duck hunt
with this gorgeous fam,
followed by a confit
I will prepare
with the daughter
of these lands,
chef extraordinaire
Sophie Tremblay.
That's my girlfriend.
What do you say, Sophie?
I say
let's get out of the pantry
and shoot some birds.
Bang, bang!
Pow, pow, pow!
Oh, boy!
Oh, no!
Good day for it, huh?
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What, um...
....what are you wearing?
What? Is the hat too much?
No, no, you just...
look like you're gonna repair
a cell tower.
Oh. I spoke to Mr. Bouchard
at the hunting shop,
and I just said, "Give me
the best money can buy."
He hooked me up with all this.
You know,
it's fully reflective,
head to toe.
Head to toe, I can see that.
Yes.
Okay, I'm sensing
I may have been upsold a bit.
But you know what?
Don't laugh at me,
because I come
from British stock.
Hunting is in my blood.
Oh, yeah?
'Cause I remember you crying
when that pigeon flew into
our living-room window and died.
Yeah, 'cause we couldn't
eat it. A wasted death.
Or am I misreading this,
and Ruby said
this was for the family
and you don't want me
to be included, right?
What? Babe, no. No, no, no.
You're always included.
You know that, right?
Okay. Good.
I want to be part of things.
- I wanna-- All right,
- Yeah. Yeah.
I want to hunt.
You're part of all of it.
Come here.
Has anyone seen Gordon?
Anyone?
Ha, ha! Very funny.
Though duck hunting
may seem barbaric,
it's actually very important
for our ecosystems.
This is fun, hey, babe?
I'm just so excited
to assassinate
something majestic!
Yes!
Fuck off.
Shooting blanks, Gordo?
I had the, uh, the safety on.
But safety first!
I got a fish!
Yeah, great! See?
I knew you had it in you!
Oh! So supportive.
It's not a sport,
it's a massacre.
Thing just wants to fly.
I got one!
Shooting blanks...
He's huge! He's a biggun!
Oh no!
False alarm!
False alarm, guys.
I didn't get anything.
Stop being humble, Gordon.
You gotta celebrate your kill!
My kill wants privacy.
Oh, my God, Gordon,
that's not a duck,
that's a swan.
Oh, no, Coucou!
Hey, shit, dude!
I... I got blinded by the sun,
and I... I thought
it was a... a large duck.
Also, in my defense,
I think I may have
gotten a bad kazoo,
'cause this definitely
calls swans.
I think it's time
to turn in your gun, Golden Eye.
Let's cut, guys. Okay?
Should we cut
for a second, please?
Our duck has
roasted in its fat
for about an hour and a half,
and now, the meat should
literally fall off the bone.
Mm! Look at all those juices
caressing the thighs.
Nice and moist,
just the way I like it.
Perfect. Now I would like
to bring out Monsieur Tremblay!
Come on over,
Alphie, you musky hunk!
I would like to announce
that Tremblay Farms
will be the sole lamb supplier
for my new restaurant, Ruby,
at the Chteau Frontenac,
opening this summer
in gorgeous Quebec City.
For real?
Well, thank you!
And a special shout out
to the original gangster,
the Tremblay matriarch,
Mammie Tremblay.
May you grace the farmlands
of heaven for all of eternity.
Cut! Best show ever!
Ruby! Ruby!
Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby!
Ruby, Ruby, Ruby...
I was freaking out!
It did not show on camera?
I felt like I was on, like,
this buzz, like my lips were...
my lips were
sticking to my teeth.
I was sweating.
I couldn't...
No.
No, shut up, honestly.
You were incredible.
I mean, you'll get phone calls
for your own show from this.
I'm telling you.
You're beautiful.
Phone's gonna be ringing.
Okay, madame.
So, Ruby,
you're a Jag girl, huh?
I would have thought
you'd drive, like,
an electric car
to set a good example
for your legions of followers.
Well, not to throw my bestie,
Elon, under the Hyperloop,
but some experts say
that those batteries
are more toxic
to the environment
than CO2 emissions.
Well, I think your experts
are full of shit.
I think you're jealous
I drive a collectible.
Well, you can collect...
Keep working on that.
Everyone! Attention,
s'il vous plat!
Ruby has a speech, everybody!
Gather 'round!
Maybe there'll be a song.
Well, Sophie, it has been
an epic two weeks.
Yeah.
And in that time,
I've seen you
explode out of your chrysalid
like a fiery monarch.
So I wanted to take
this opportunity,
in front of your entire family,
to offer you the executive chef
position at the Chteau.
You won the job!
Hey!
Surprise!
I want to make a speech, too.
I got a speech, too!
I got a...
I got a speech, too, everybody.
Uh, thank you
for your attention.
All just really beautiful.
Babe, I love you so much.
And she's right,
you're incredible.
You're incredible,
and I love you.
And it's just to me, personally,
it's a shame that you're gonna
be wasting your talents
on some poser chef's
vanity project.
- Gordon...
- No.
I mean, that was a power move,
swooping in and saving
the entire farm from bankruptcy.
I mean, hats off to you.
You gotta win over
the dad, right?
That's enough.
Yeah, I agree with Alphonse.
It's enough.
It's enough with the fucking
restaurant and the lip line
and the fucking all this.
I've had enough of it.
The girl who can't do wrong.
Whereas everyone thinks I'm
the guy who kills fucking swans
and punches fathers in the face.
At this point, you probably
all think I killed Mammie!
I didn't kill Mammie.
I didn't kill Mammie.
I'm not going
to the chicken house!
You shouldn't be
living in a chicken house!
I bet you're really good in bed.
Is she good
in bed, baby?
Or do you need a refresher,
because I'm sure
she'll give you one.
Someone should be
using the waterbed.
What are you doing?
Fuck!
Sophie, wait, wait, wait!
What the hell
is wrong with you?
I'm sorry, I was tryna be funny.
Everyone was laughing.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
- So I only got this job
because she wants
to sleep with me?
Is that what you think?
Forget about all the hard work
that I've put into this, right?
Well, admit there's
a chance I'm right.
Did you ever
want me to have this?
Do you want to have it?
Because we have
a pretty fucking great life,
where you're cooking food
that you love.
But I don't know, Sophie.
Maybe there aren't
enough cameras around.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I have ambition.
I'm sorry
that she believes in me.
Believes in you?
She's in love with you!
Are you kidding me?
How do you not see that?
You definitely see that, right?
And of course she is,
because you're fucking perfect!
But I think you need
to admit to yourself
that you're also
still in love with her.
She did break your heart, right?
Yeah. Yeah,
she broke my heart.
And then I left her.
And I found you.
And then,
she came crawling back...
and you thought,
"Maybe I could sleep my way
to a Michelin star."
I think you should go.
You heard her.
I did.
And remember,
if you can't handle the heat,
throw on some oven mitts,
because everyone
belongs in the kitchen.
Till next time!
Sophie...
Hey!
Thank you so much, man.
I really appreciate it.
I couldn't show my face
after everything that happened.
Here you go.
So humiliating.
Anyway, how is she?
She was gone
before I woke up.
Right.
It's the big night, huh?
Forget about all that.
Are you ready?
Are you ready
to crush this test?
I'm so nervous,
I could piss my legs, you know.
"Piss my pants"
is the expression,
but I doubt
that's gonna come up.
Don't worry.
Thanks for believing in me,
Gordon.
You're a good guy.
Go make me proud, okay?
Kick ass. Do it for Van Damme.
Yeah.
Hey...
She still loves you.
Good luck!
("L'AMOUR L'AMOUR L'AMOUR"
BY BON ENTENDEUR
AND MOULOUDJI PLAYING)
Can we have someone else come
and bring these out?
Right away!
Voil, chef.
Merci!
Ah!
Merci!
Merci beaucoup!
VIP!
Ah, cool.
Oh!
I'm flying out on the red eye.
So, that's it?
What do you mean?
Have you not been listening?
It's over. I lost.
Honey, I love you.
But you've played it safe
way too long.
You've never left
this neighborhood. I mean,
you teach at the high school
that you went to.
And that's
a little bit my fault.
When your mother passed away,
I did everything I could
to protect you, and I...
I think I turned you
into a bit of a pussy.
Are you trying to be helpful?
She's a fighter, Gordon!
It runs in her family.
So, fight back and show her
you're not down for the count.
That's what marriage is!
If you get on that plane, son,
you'll be giving up
the greatest thing
that's ever happened to you.
And as much as I'd love
to keep you close,
I'd rather have you living
happily in another country
than be miserable in Brooklyn.
Also, for Christ's sakes,
would you get me
a goddamn Canadian passport?
I can't just show up, Dad, okay?
This is the biggest night
of her life.
I'm the last person in the world
she wants to see.
I'm gonna make an ass of myself.
That's exactly
what you have to do!
Holy shit, you're right!
Wow!
Oh!
Pretty
effin delish, am I right?
Oh! Don't forget
to eat the plates.
They're made entirely
out of compressed crab.
Oh! So good!
Okay, bon apptit!
No.
Hey, hey!
I'm so sorry.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh!
I've never done this in
my life before, I swear. I-I...
I need to, um... I don't know
how to say it en franais.
Uh, I need to...
Are you on the list?
I am on the list.
Yeah?
Well, I was on the list.
It's been a pretty crazy
24 hours,
and I don't know
if I'm still on the list.
It really depends on when
the list was created and edited.
So, if you look,
it's Gordon Kinski.
- Kin... With a K?
- Yeah.
Kinski. No, you're not.
But I hear Cirque du Soleil
is hiring right now.
Can I just talk to you
mano a mano for just one second?
This is one of those
times in life
where you can really step up
and do the right thing,
because my future, my happiness,
my true love is in there,
and I need your help
to make things right.
There's a fork in the road.
It's all in your tiny, beautiful
little manicured hands.
What do you say? Please,
I'm begging you, let me in.
Hey,
I'm just storming the castle.
How's your night going?
("LAISSE UNE CHANCE
NOTRE AMOUR"
BY CLAUDE FRANOIS PLAYING)
Soph.
Hey.
You know,
I just wanna say, I'm sorry
about everything
Gordon has put you through.
You're handling yourself
like a true pro.
Thanks. It's a little
overwhelming, but...
With great success
comes a ton of jealousy.
Believe me, I know.
But the sooner you cut
those toxic people
out of your life,
the higher you can fly.
Gordon.
Alphonse.
You got
a lot of nerve coming here.
You're right. Last night
I was a complete asshole.
I'm so sorry.
I was totally drunk
and insecure.
I'm not making excuses.
I... I take full responsibility.
But I love your daughter,
and I'm not giving up
that easily.
I want to ask you
for her hand in marriage.
We're magic together.
And I don't just mean
in the kitchen.
Why pretend?
We both want this.
Oh, my God!
You are the last person
I would ever want to be with.
Things change.
Sometimes, for the best.
Don't you know how much
I've done for you?
You called me, okay?
So don't act like
you're some kind of savior here.
Okay, I'm sorry,
but who saved your shitty
family farm from bankruptcy?
She deserves to be happy.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I killed your swan.
I want you
to remember this moment.
When you could have
been something,
but you threw it all away
and went back to being nothing.
'Cause that's what you are
without me. You're nothing.
And I want you
to remember this moment...
when I broke your
perfect little nose.
What the fuck?
Oh, not the face! Malcolm!
Hey, hey, hey!
Huh?
Yes.
Guys...
You want me out of here, Ruby?
I'm out of here.
As soon as I figure out
how to drive manual.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go!
- Hey!
- Sorry!
Come on!
Gordon!
Hey, all!
Okay.
Ease it out.
Ease it out. Come on!
In second gear.
You know what, I do need to...
Clutch down.
Where are you, two? Is that it?
Oh! Merci.
No, no, no!
I'm just borrowing it, sir!
Oh, shit!
Yes! I am the best
at car chases!
A lot of grinding...
Clutch down.
Yeah, second gear, yes!
Yes! Yes!
Yes! No, no, no!
Shit!
Hey!
Hey, sweetie!
I had the most
horrible dream, babe.
I saw you kiss Ruby...
and then I drove her car
into a building.
That all happened.
But she kissed me,
and I punched her in the face.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh! That makes me so happy.
What about your job?
I quit.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm not.
There's something
I wanted to ask you.
Will you marry me?
Where did you get that?
When the nurses
cut your pantaloons off,
they found it in your pocket.
They destroyed my pantaloons?
They did.
They were rented.
But, babe, I wanted to ask
your father's permission first.
It's important to me.
Alphonse?
You have my blessing.
Welcome to the family, Gordie!
So?
I love you so much.
Give me your beautiful finger.
Oh, my God!
Ah, baby,
my ribs are... Careful, okay.
Ah! Ow!
Oh, babe! Ow! Ow!
As Cassius famously
said to Brutus:
"It is not in the stars
to hold our destiny...
but in ourselves."
That's not gonna be on the test.
It's just a quote
I really like.
Remember, oral exams
are Tuesday.
- One minute each!
- Don't worry.
When I oral,
it's always at least one minute.
Double-entendre
from Robert, everybody.
Alphonse!
Hey, Gordie!
All!
Hey!
So,
can you grab these?
Merci.
Hey, everybody!
Amazing!
Oh!
So, Junior, you're a cop, huh?
Yes, sir!
You ever shot anyone?
Uh, no.
But my girlfriend and I,
we tased a bike thief yesterday.
I'm the one
who saw him first.
I could have tased him.
I don't give a rat's ass,
as long as someone was tased
and justice was served.
Dad, can you watch
your language?
There's a toddler here.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, by the way,
Peter,
I loved your Widow's Hammock.
My goodness! Thank you, Ginette.
I hope I'm not overstepping.
But he will, watch.
But would you consider
being the cover model
for my next book?
- Cover model!
- Yes.
You wanna take it
easy there, l'anglais.
She'd be so happy.
You know,
I never told you,
I have a pretty funny story
about her and the ring.
You do? Really?
No, it wasn't
actually that funny.
It was pretty traumatic,
so never mind.
What?
Ben, yes.
No.
What story
about my mother?
There will be
no chou-fleur until you tell us.
No, jamais.
How about a toast
to change the subject?
It's "Familla"?
Famille.
la familla.
Famille.
la famille.
la famille!